CWCki - User contributions [en]

Mumble 2

2010-07-27T20:05:41Z

Lucian: /* Transcript */

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|180px|In Mumble 2, a Wild [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]] appeared.]]

'''Mumble 2''' is the second [[Mumble]] chat that took place on 4 [[February 2009]]. More than an hour long.

This is a more organized Q&A type chat than [[Mumble 1]]. Questions from [[Clyde]] about [[sex]] in the [[comic]] and interesting tidbits about how Chris believes sex is the same as romance. This is pretty hard hitting, with stuff like how Chris is into [[McDonald's|fast food]] yet he's against tobacco. A lot of drama involving Clyde.

Length: '''1:49:17'''

==Summary==

===Notes===
* Chris doesn't like Clyde because he stole his sweetheart.
* Audio cuts out for a minute before Chris says: "...HYMEN!" (You broke her hymen)
* Trolls claim [[Panda]] is with Clyde, Chris wants to hear her voice, they say she's busy
* 'She and I WERE very close'
* Chris didn't have $400-$800 to go and see Panda; claims he got this number from an airport website recommended by [[Miyamoto]]
* Insists on [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] being in ''[[Animal Crossing]]''
* Doesn't want to talk about his deal with them
* Insists that he doesn't have to turn down his radio since his voice is louder (''it is horribly loud in the mic'')
* Panda gave Clyde all of the sites, etc.
* [[Sarah]] is going to be with Clyde, which Chris wants to deny
* These motherfuckers keep talking over each other
* Calls a troll's critique crap
* [[Bubbles]] must be aroused, she isn't wet all the time
* Bubbles is 90% water so does sperm just swim around forever? NO
* Clyde: This is a children's comic, why so much sex?
: '''Chris:''' It is romance. My best artwork is when they're making out 'romantic moments', drawn in protest to trolls. Shows that [[Rosechu]]s have vaginas, not [[duck]]s.
* Admits to maybe going overboard
* Trolls try to reason with him about the [[ED]] article: There wouldn't be an article if he didn't react like he does.
* Trolls say that TV-Y7 means NO SEX but Chris points to romantic anime that have making out (cartoons are for kids, whatever the content).
* Trolls talk about Japan being less strict about those things
* Everyone gets to vote in [[CWCville]], even if they're [[Niggos|black]].
* Got his idea from [[Mary Poppins]].
* Troll tries to give historical background about cough medicine putting kids to sleep. Chris insists it was the lullaby that put them to sleep.
* Discussion about Chris, 'gay message' sent by a troll
* He calls Clyde a scoundrel
* BELIEVE HIM HE IS STRAIGHT
* Chris tries to speak Mexican at 20:50
* Mexican speaks Mexican to him... he replies in Menglish
* [[4-cent_garbage]] is located in Mexico
* Someone says that he needs to improve his Mexican
* Chris is against smoking, CWCville is smoke and alcohol free
* Rehash of why [[tobacky]] is bad, his position on it, alcohol=bar fights
* Chris's dad smoked and had several bypasses, has a pacemaker and has had heart attacks
* Mention of his hair cuttings for his fans
* Chris was doing math in his head, got in car crash.
* Chris has taken college level math. Took trigonometry.
* Trolls gang up on Clyde for stealing Panda
* Time will tell when Chris will make the money he would have in the Nintendo deal
* Trolls bash Clyde for his pot smoking
* Chris doesn't watch news because it's bad news =(
* Bashing of the Mexican
* Chris can type 30 to 100 WPM, but can't type and talk at the same time
* Chris says [[PSN]] is free though Clyde(?) points to the $1,000 Chris spent on PSN
* Chris has been typing for 15 minutes now and it is VERY loud
* Chris has been busy IRL therefore the comic release doesn't have a date
* Someone points to nudes on [[YouTube]].
* He does not have it on the YouTube, but he isn't going to take it anymore.
* Claims some of the photos are photoshopped.
* Clyde offers help to take ED page down.
* Chris denies taking those pictures, doesn't want to talk about it, making him uncomfortable.
* Some of the pictures are real. When questioned which ones are fake, Chris can't answer.
* Chris hates Harry Potter because it was in competition with [[Pokémon]]!
* Chris is too stressed to read Vivian's [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|book]], but he likes the cover!
* Polly, who has been talking the whole time is confronted by Chris who thinks she is a guy. Polly is upset. Chris apologizes.
* [[Jimmy Hill]] has launched his Sonichu show
* More Mexican talk at 55:10
* Chris giggles and sighs happily when Cassie, another Mexican, compliments him and when she leaves he says 'Chiquita Bonita'
* Rabbichoso talk (Sonichu.info)
* Classic trolls are leaving Chris alone.
* Chris likes Steel Angel Kurumi (''quote from [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Angel_Kurumi Wikipedia]: often classified as ecchi due to the focus on fanservice and panty shots'')
* Chris claims to be very strong, could beat Clyde up. Says he would show Clyde a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Hard Day's Night]], and would give Clyde pain.
* ShinyMarshtomp makes an appearance? Likes Rabbichoso
* Chris likes to eat at [[Country Cookin]] (''like Golden Corral'')
* Chris likes to imagine his first time.
* Clyde says the first time is awful, Chris said it was because Clyde prematurely ejaculated
* Watch porn with naked women to cure your gay
* Guys sitting next to you = gay coming on to you
* Falsion has been in the chat room and is afraid he is gay
* A wild Snorlax appears

==Transcript==

===Waiting for Chris===
 '''Polly:''' I can't wait to hear Chris! I'm a huge fan!
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, goddamn these noodles are fantastic. Man, I wish I could eat like this everyday.
 '''Troll:''' Have you eaten the rice balls?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no. These are noodles. These are-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Fan-fucking-tastic.
 '''Clyde:''' Now they're all gone, it's fantastic, you know?
 '''Troll:''' Sweetangie is Chris. Or, we think so.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is him.
 '''Clyde:''' It's definitely not the real Chris.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm disappointed there's so many impostors out there. Kinda my fault, but, you know, if it weren't- ''[unintelligible]'' -hard to come by.
 '''Troll:''' His mic was working last time he was here, just fine.
 '''Troll:''' He usually capitalizes his words, like in every sentence.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is- I don't think this is him.
 '''Troll:''' Is it set to push to talk or something?
 '''Polly:''' Um...
 '''Troll:''' You better get us your email address Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah its push to talk. It's called push to talk. It's fantastic ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Troll:''' No, just have him set it to voice activity. It works so much better that way.
 '''Polly:''' Aww, he left.
 '''Jack''': You guys are fucking idiots.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other again]''
 '''Troll:''' You guys scared him off by being guys.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, you fucking jackasses. Nice going.
 '''Troll:''' Was that even the real...?
 '''Troll:''' Yes, that was the real Chris.
 '''Troll:''' He's too much of a pussy to talk.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, cause you scared him, or some- No, or he's too stupid to be.
 ''[Trolls Laugh]''

===Chris Arrives===
 '''Chris:''' ''[Chris arrives, with radio playing loudly]'' Hello.
 ''[Trolls all greet him]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, now-
 '''Troll:''' Why haven't you got your microphone working?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why my microphone [is] messed up.
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry, but we had an impostor here before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm registered. I've got myself registered now. So, uh, hopefully-
 '''Troll:''' That's probably why. It had to like, uh- calibrate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, I'm calibrated now.
 '''Clyde:''' So, Chris, have you seen Rabbichoso, it's fantastic.
 '''Chris:''' I don't give a crap about your stupid pencil sketch.
 ''[Audio cuts out]''
 '''Chris:''' I am not listening. I do not have to listen to ''you''.
 '''Clyde:''' Why, I'm not understanding [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Well for one thing,and i'll say it on here, you stole my sweetheart!
 ''[Cutout continues]''

===PandaHalo, Trip to Redmond and Animal Crossing===
 '''Chris:''' You broke her hymen!
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I know it's a terrible mistake, but I plan to make it up to her. I'm getting married and uh- I'm doing the things I should do.
 '''Chris:''' Oh and another thing, if she is really over there with you now, then put her on the mic. Please.
 '''Jack''': She's not- He never said-
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, she's very busy, OK. She's very busy.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Clyde:''' She's not over here right now. Okay? So lets drop it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, fine. Well could you tell her to please send me a message lettin' me know, for sure, so I can know- so I can know to-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' I'll let her know whatever you want, but it's her life. She doesn't have to send you a message. You failed her. You failed her.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' She and I were very close.
 '''Clyde:''' If you we're so close, then why didn't you go?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Because I had- Aw, hang on a second. How do I- oh, that's right. This thing. Right. Mmm. Hold on a sec. Oh yeah, because I did not have four to eight hundred dollars!
 '''Clyde:''' It doesn't cost that much to go cross-country man.
 '''Chris:''' Yes it does. I know, I saw it on an airport website. Where I was be- Where I was- recommended to me by Mr. Miyamoto.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, you can drive there. It's not that hard.
 '''Troll:''' What happened with that? I thought, um, didn't you have a deal with them or something? I heard a rumor that your characters were going to be in Animal Crossing.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they are in Animal Crossing. And I did- and I do- I did have a deal with them.
 '''Troll:''' What happened though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' I'd rather not say.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.

===Chris's Radio, Clyde and Criticism===
 '''Troll:''' Chris, why don't you turn down the TV? It's hard to hear you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]'' I do not have a TV turned on in here.
 '''Troll:''' I can hear it.
 '''Chris:''' I have a radio.
 '''Troll:''' I hear something in the background.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Burping throughout sentence]'' Well that's the- that would b- the radio. And it is not that loud.
 '''Troll:''' But it shows up pretty well on your microphone mic. With due respect.
 '''Chris:''' But still, my voice is louder than the radio.
 '''Troll:''' Ah goo- ahh given.
 '''Polly:''' Uh, Chris? Uh, when are you going to do the new Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something over Polly]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' Uh, I'll answer Polly's question. I'm not sure. It's, uh, it's in progress right now, I'm drawing it up.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I can't wait to read it!
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, we'll see.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Troll:''' Listen, Clyde kind of has admin on here, so we can't really do anything about him. So, yeah. I don't know.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Hard to hear over Chris's radio]'' ...with you guys. I love you guys. Just as much as Chris loves you guys. Right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I was angry. I was angry. But I'm calm now.
 '''Troll:''' Don't try to hurt any other person from now on.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have much- I do not have much to say in response to that right now. Because I'm ticked off.
 '''Troll:''' Don't let him get to you.
 '''Troll:''' You're no better than he is, if you give in.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris, I just wanted to let you know I'm a huge fan of the comics, and I'm glad you keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job, and just keep it up, alright man?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I appreciate the, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? The, the, uh- well, the encouraging words. Encouragement. I appreciate the encouragement. Well, there are things, uh- I- er- current events I do not appreciate. I appreciate the positive encouragement.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I can't really do anything. He took over the IRC channel. I used to be the owner. I mean Clyde. He's like taking over everything.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, it was because Panda gave it to me, you know. But anyway, I mean, you can't just listen to encouragement, you've got to listen to criticism, man. Criticisms are what make you better, you learn from your mistakes. You learn from mistakes.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Be right back guys, my wife is calling.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't- I don't- Tons of people don't like the Rabbichoso art style, but you know, I gotta improve on that. That's something I plan to improve on. There's a lot of criticism in the [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|death of Sonichu]], right?
 '''Chris:''' What? What did you just say?
 '''Clyde:''' There's a lot of criticism of Sonichu. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. For a moment there I thought you said something different.
 '''Clyde:''' What, what did you think I said? I'm just saying, there are people who like it and people who don't like it. You gotta start taking in those suggestions. You know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. So many things that will be improved upon. But, I just have to hear from Sarah herself that she really is going to be with you, Clyde. I have to hear it from herself. It's one thing to hear it from you and then it's- then on that note, it's just I find it very hard to believe. So I have to hear it from her.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I kinda think that Rabbichoso sucks. I mean, I think it could be funny, but it honestly looks like it's drawn by a kindergartener.
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Troll:''' I mean, Sonichu has evolved over the years. You can see that the art's getting better. Rabbichoso doesn't even look like something a beginner would do, honestly. I mean, ''[Interrupted]''
 '''Chris:''' A whole bunch of crap!
 ''[Everyone starts talking at once]''
 '''Polly:''' Also, Sonichu is in color.
 '''Clyde:''' I know, I accept his criticism. But you just called it crap! Now that's just rude.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have emotions going behind me- uh, behind that opinion.

===Cassie===
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, did you get my message.
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Clyde:''' Aren't you going to be the gentleman, then? Aren't you gonna be the gentleman?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I just want to ask you, Chris. I'm Cassie's friend. She- she's worried sick about you. Why haven't you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' I did email her! As a- I- I haven't gotten any re-plies from her. I have emailed her and I have instant messaged her on A.I.M. and Skype. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what's going on there.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' ...you emailed her.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' When was the last time you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll check.
 '''Polly:''' Um, Chris? I have a question. My fa- One of my favorite new characters is, um, Simonla, and like, I also like Zapina as well. Um, are they gonna have bigger parts in the series later on?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
 '''Polly:''' Um, I was wondering if Simonla and Zapina will either have bigger parts in the series later on.
 '''Chris:''' [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|Possibly]]. Possibly, but, uh, I can't say for sure. Oh, and, uh, to answer your question, uh- in answer to, uh, I believe, uh, Screwhead, who asked? It was about four days ago. About four days ago.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Yeah. Four days ago? Okay, I'll tell her to check it out.
 '''Chris:''' The last email I sent was about four days ago.
 '''Troll:''' She'll contact you in a while, though.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I'll tell her to check it out and- and thanks Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Mm.

===Bubbles's Pussy and Sex in the Comics===
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris? I have a question.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, my favorite character is Bubbles, I kinda liked the, uh, the thing she had going with Blake, where she was kind of keeping the relationship secret. I thought that was kinda clever. I was wondering, uh, she's a water-type, so does that mean that her vagina is always wet, or does she have to be aroused like a normal woman?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, aroused. That's applied for all the, uh, Rosechus there. And also, like, you know, she's not just a water-type, she's also- she's a water- and electric-type, like uh- oh, shoot- What's the name of that one? Originated from Gold-Silver-Crystal series, uh, evolves from Chinchou? Lanturn. And she has, uh, she has Volt Absorb ability.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, Chris, another question following Bubbles. Uh, her body is 90% water, and now this thing about the whole sexual intercourse- about it. Now, don't take this rude, and you don't need to answer me...
 '''Chris:''' No, that's fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...I totally respect your creative work. My wife actually got me into this, uh, show actually. So, what happens is- like, as you know, like, semens are like little fishes in themselves. Would that mean, I mean, would they actually have a route to fly into the egg, in theory, or do they just swim around her whole body, just forever just swimming around.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. The, uh, the internal or- the internal organs uh, for the Rosechus are pretty much the same thing, so I'd say pre- about, uh, as good chance as most any other mammal.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, so you mean she's able to control her density a little bit more. She- I understand now. She's able to control more her density from the 90% water. Okay. That pretty much answers it just perfectly. That's been bothering me at work. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I got another question, Chris, about this whole sexual thing. I mean, this is a children's comic, right? Why is there so much sex in it?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. It's called romance, and my- and my- if you'll notice throughout the comics my best pieces of artwork among which were those where dey were kissing and making out. Romantic moments.
 '''Clyde:''' There's a hidden page-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' And because- and because- and because of the tension from, uh, the trolls and Encyclopedia Dramatica, I just felt like doing that in protest against them.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, but childre-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' Yes but how is that really a protest? That, you know, you know, are, are you like referencing to the 60's when women burned their bras? That was in protes- That was feminism. Saying that they weren't slaves to men. Do you even understand the whole thing?
 ''[Multiple voices are heard at once]''
 '''Chris:''' Now, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about, I never really thought about that when I-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Chris]'' Then how is, stripping was, how was that protest-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Jack]'' It shows that they have vaginas and NOT dicks.
 '''Jack''' Well you know the dick thing was the fact that they were just, you know, mocking you. I think you went overboard with that.
 '''Chris:''' Well maybe I did. Maybe I did.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you did, because that seems kind of excessive, kind of-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' I don't think they would have even bothered to write about an article about you if you didn't just keep reacting like that.

===Chris justifies sex in a kids' comic===

 '''Troll:''' I have another question.
 '''Troll:''' The point some of us are trying to make is, if it's TV-Y7 that means there should really be no sex in it at all.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible over other people]''
 '''Chris:''' That's pretty much incorrect, I mean, uh, there's so many romantic anime that's TV-Y7, and they shoul- they have making out.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, a lot of things in Japan, Japan has stricter standards-not stricter, I mean looser guidelines than America. It's much different.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, I was just wondering what Bubbles, um, she has a, that water whirlwind attack, I was just curious if you had any plans to make-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Butting in]'' By the way, that was a Whirl- Whirlpool.
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, Whirlpool, sorry, sorry, Whirlpool, but do you have any plans to mix an, uh, Electric-type attack with that, since water conducts electricity, right? It could be a very powerful-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah, she did, she did an electric attack amongst the- the walls of that Whirlpool and she let out. In case you didn't know, there's a- little bits of lightning bolts among which-
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, I'm sor- I didn't notice that, I'm sorry, I'll go take another look. Thank you.
 '''Max?:''' Hey Chris-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max?:''' You make some pretty sweet Little Big Planet levels.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.

===Chris on Benadryl babysitting===

 '''Clyde:''' Oh, there's a message from Cogs on the side, it's about, uh, do women not have the right to vote already in CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' No, evry- Everybody, no matter what age, no matter what gender or race, everybody has the right to vote in CWCville. Even if they're black.
 '''Clyde:''' Then what's up with the "Votes for Women" thing, I was-
 '''Troll:''' Not just vote women, but- ''[interrupted]'' any other ethnicities, and gays?
 '''Troll:''' I don't understand-
 '''Chris:''' I did that- heard it in Mary Poppins.
 '''Jack:''' What? Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, man, Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Mary Poppins.
 '''Polly:''' I remember that movie.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, yeah, that movie.
 '''Chris:''' It's a classic. It's my favorite movie of all time.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that movie was, like, based in the 1900s.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still I- still I agreed with that message there-
 '''Clyde:''' Taken out of context, that makes it seem like CWCville's set in the 1960s.
 '''Jack:''' What message? That children should be given cough medicine so they'll go to sleep?
 '''Chris:''' ''What?''
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that's what women used to do back in- That's what mothers, friggin' nurses and stuff used to do to kids in the 1900s, is give children, like, you know, cough medicine.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Cause- cause the medicine- uh, correction, the medicine did not put them to sleep, there was a lullaby, not the cough medicine. They only had to take the cough medicine-
 '''Jack:''' No cough medicine-
 '''Chris:''' ...because it rained, before dere, and it was not, and it was to, uh-
 '''Jack:''' Rain means cough medicine doesn't have anything to do with each other. That's not how friggin' germs are spread, or colds are gotten. Colds are gotten through germs, not the rain.
 '''Troll:''' How is cough medicine any different from today's parents that just let their kids watch TV until they fall asleep? I mean, it's just as bad.
 '''Jack:''' Well- Cough medicine has a lot to do with the psychological effects of it. Obviously if you get- if you keep giving fre-
 '''Troll:''' Thanks, Samantha, that was delicious.
 '''Jack:''' What?
 '''Troll:''' It's my, uh, Samantha-
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, that's we're all saying, cause I've heard that there's a lot of different chemicals in cough medicine. You could pick up a ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' I don't even take cough medicine, because I'm not a pussy.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, so.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, I never put any references, I never did any references or plan any references to cough medicine or anything of that sort.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Well, Chris, Cassie says the last e-mail she got from you was on the 17th. How 'bout your being gay? Is that true?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' That wa- That was somebody had- That was Clyde hacking through my e-mail and spammed that to my contacts.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, I definitely did not do that-
 '''Jack:'''You're a scoundrel-
 '''Chris:''' -a slanderous lie.
 '''Clyde:''' I did not do that.
 '''Troll:''' Whoa-whoa-whoa. Wow. Well, thanks for that. She was worried that you were- that you don't like her.
 '''Jack:''' You're a scoundrel, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't do that. That was someone else.
 '''Polly:''' I was wondering, because I've heard other news too, I was really hoping that you weren't gay.
 '''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm straight.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I'll take your word for it.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. And, uh-
 '''Clyde:''' Cogs- Cogs got a way- she showed us that, okay? I mean, you only ''[unintelligible]''

===Chris's fail-riffic Spanish===

 '''Troll:''' So, Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, Screwhead's from Mexico. I heard you like Spanish, so.
 '''Troll:''' Hola, Chris.
 '''Troll:''' You know Spanish, right?
 '''Chris:''' Sí. Conoso Mexico. Tomé dos años ''[unclear]'' mi escuela secundaria. (Yes, I know Mexico. I took two years [in, possibly] my secondary school.)
 '''Troll:''' Has venido en Mexico? (Have you come to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Uh, lo siento? (Uh, I'm sorry?)
 '''Troll:''' Has estado en Mexico? (Have you been to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Estoy Mexico? No. (I am Mexico? No.)
 '''Troll:''' ''[slowly]'' Has estado, um, in Mexico. Has venir? (Have you been to Mexico? Have gone?)
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, no, I hav- no, no tengo pansars. ''[sic]'' (no, I don't have pansars (?))
 '''Troll:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think, uh, I think I meant to say- I'm pretty sure-
 '''Jack:''' Did you just say you don't wear pants?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, I was trying to say, ah, I don't have plans to go in Mexico at the moment.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Chris:''' That's what I understood what he was saying there.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, did you know that, that 4-cent garbage website is located in Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Jack:''' That's why-
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, that's why they can't get it shut down.
 '''Chris:''' Mm.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]'' borders, plus it's cheaper to run sites over there; they have, like, several servers.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. Cassie wanted to talk to you, but she couldn't make it here, well, and, she wants to be your Spanish teacher, because she says that you've got room to improve your Spanish.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, that Cassie. Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought you were- I got mixed up. Um... Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I, uh, I haven't talked to that- I haven't talked to Cassie in a while, but I've been mostly talking to, uh, her gal- her, uh, gal-pal and I'm sure- I'm sure she'd tell you a lot about her...

===In which the trolls discuss bar fights===

 '''Troll:''' Hey Chris, how- how does Sonichu keep Rosechu from spending more than a hundred dollars at the mall? I've always wondered how he could manage to do that. I've always had problems with that myself.
 '''Chris:''' That wa- That time at the mall, it was, uh, Kel loaned the credit card. And it's like, yeah- she gave- she gave Sonichu the responsibility of that credit card. She did.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I've always given my advice on cannabis, you should do the ''[unintelligible]'', Cogs Chris, but I think she wants your response.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, one of my friends sent me this picture, and I think you might find it kinda disturbing just because they say it's proof that you're gay.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, I saw that, that's just a crappy Photoshop.
 '''Jack:''' No, that one doesn't- this one doesn't look Photoshopped at all.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not gonna look at it.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you're not? Oh.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, uh, you say you're against smoking?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. As a matter of fact, CWCville is a smoke-free, non-alcoholic city.
 '''Jack:''' ''[partially drowned out]'' That's what we call a totalitarian state...
 '''Troll:''' Oh, and, uh, in the pilot episode with Seth MacFarlane, of, you know, Family Guy? He's always smoking. What do you think about that?
 '''Clyde:''' Go smoke.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I just- I just take that with a grain of salt, and, uh, you know, that's what-
 '''Troll:''' I mean, if he can smoke, why can't anyone else? I mean, it's-
 '''Chris:''' Because it causes cancer!
 '''Jack:''' So does a lot of things.
 '''Polly:''' It could be a prop pipe.
 '''Chris:''' In any case, I'm not- in any, in any case I've never done it and I never will.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, but eating too much fast food can give you a heart attack. I mean... so many things are deadly for you.
 '''Jack:''' What about fast food, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' My father used to smoke and he went through a whole bunch of heart attacks. He suffered three-
 '''Jack:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Well, I think that might have to do more with his weight.
 '''Chris:''' He suffered through three or four triple bypasses.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''Chris, I think that's... that's more like a weight issue.
 '''Chris:''' He has a pacemaker!
 '''Troll:'''Chris, eh...
 '''Troll:''' Hey ya guys, leave him alone. Ya know, my granddad, he smoked most of his life. He quit for 25 years and still died of lung cancer. I mean that's just the way it is. And your body never gets rid of it.
 '''Jack:''' Well yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:'''Chris, what about ''[pause]'' Chris, what about fast food? That's- that's bad for you.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey Chris. Chris, could you do me a favor and send an email to Cassie? She's very worried about you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Yeah sure, I'll send her an email later.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, thanks.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, I've got uh, a certain someone you know-
 '''Chris:''' No no.
 '''Clyde:''' -she has to, uh, she wants to ask you w-
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Also, she said something about some hair.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Yeah, that's uh... that's another issue right there. Um, hmmm. I'll talk to her about that.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, does, uh, drinking cause cancer?
 '''Chris:''' No, but it causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, bar fights, but—
 '''Chris:''' Bar fights!
 '''Jack:''' -but I don't think that bar fights are that big of a problem.
 '''Troll:''' I think bar fights are awesome.
 ''[People agree bar fights are awesome]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' But bar fights are bad. I got into a bar fight once and one of my hands got cut and two fingers from my left hand. Bar fights suck.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' Well, I think that might be more because you're Mexican. Are you sure you didn't lose them picking bo- picking grapes and- or something?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' No, Mexican people are more more- more much macho man; we get into bigger fights. We're more awesome.
 '''Jack:''' No- I think it might be because you got your hands stuck in some machinery when you were out picking in the vineyards.
 '''Troll:''' I don't know about you guys, but I like- I like having bar fights.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''

===Chris Crashes Due To Math===

 '''Clyde:''' You don't have to be drunk to be in a bar fight or in an automobile accident, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but they increase the likeliness of it.
 '''Clyde:''' You've been in an autobile— automobile accident, I mean, were you drunk?
 '''Chris:''' No, I was distracted.
 '''Jack:''' Uh, by what? I mean, it's kinda hard to be dist— you gotta be focused on driving man-
 '''Chris:''' I was doing math in my head.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, math in your—
 [Trolls talk over each other]
 '''Chris''': My mind got distracted by being its own calculator.
 '''Falsion''': Are you good at math?
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear]'' Is that for school?
 '''Jack''': Are you some kind of savant?
 '''Troll''': That's impossible.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Falsion:''' Guys, you're getting ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you like a mathematic genius or something?
 [pause]
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' You know some artist people have like superpowers in their head. They can do like geniuses and add really well. ''[interrupted briefly by Jack saying something else about savant]'' Chris you are already an artist. Do you have any like, magical powers?
 '''Troll''': Yeah, I heard autistic people are really good at math.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Well not all the stereo- some of that sounds like stereotypes.
 '''Troll:''' ''[talking over Chris]'' ...it has to do with mental ability; I mean, what's the...
 '''Chris''': I mean I don't know- I mean I'm not saying that I'm a total genius. I mean I know- I know enough to get by.
 '''Clyde:''' What's the highest level of math you've taken Chris?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' College level.
 '''Clyde:''' No I mean like algebra, or calculus or...?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I believe I just did trigonometry.
 '''Clyde:''' Very impressive.
 [long pause]
 '''Troll''': So I was wondering. When did you get the CAD degree? I figured it's like a fine arts degree or something? I mean wha-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I designed a whole- I designed buildings and machinery and such along there. I designed the whole CWCVille shopping center.
 '''Jack:''' Why don't you have a job then?
 '''Clyde:''' Your fans would love to see that Chris.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' -I mean use that to design like, actual buildings?
 '''Chris:''' I think I just told you i designed the CWCVille sho-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I don't mean in your comic. I'm just saying-
 ''[Audio cuts]''

===Clyde Isn't Popular And Chris Should Program===

 '''Chris''': Well it's a good st-
 '''Troll:''' Chris...
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Jack''': So I heard you got some nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'll be putting an update on da YouTube soon, but not right now.
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking maybe you could like, you know, get a degree in game design and make the Sonichu game?
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah man, it's not that hard to learn programming. C++ man.
 ''Falsion:''' Clyde, he hates you, why are you talking?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm just giving him some advice, I mean C++ is-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you here? We don't like you. You totally ruined Chris's life.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't ruin his life. He ruined his own life.
 '''Troll:''' Yes you did. You've ruined his life. You raped his girlfriend.
 ''[Everyone speaks at once over each other]''
 '''Clyde:'''If he was the man he said he was, he'd have gone to Nintendo, made all that money. How- how are you going to make money now Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Time will tell.
 ''[Everyone speaks again]''
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, time will tell Clyde.
 '''Clyde:'''''[unclear]'' -need a plan, you know?
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking uh, if- uh- would you be interested in getting a degree in game design. Making the game or something? Like if you had to?
 '''Chris''': Hm. Maybe but uh- I still have things to sort out in my real life.
 '''Troll''': Yeah it's kinda unfortunate what happened with the Nintendo thing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah- hang on a second, I'll be right back. Mm- ''[clattering]''
 '''Clyde:''' So be honest guys am I really that much of a bother. I mean...
 '''Jack''': Yeah you kind of are.
 '''Troll''': You're like a total dickfart.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll''': You realize weed causes cancer?
 '''Jack:'''Yeah.
 '''Troll''': I didn't know that.
 '''Jack:''' And it causes the munchies. You're gonna get fat, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' It's okay, man, because I work out.
 '''Jack:''' Do you play Guitar Hero standing up?
 '''Clyde:''' I play Guitar Hero while on the treadmill.
 '''Polly:'''Will the Sonichu game be a- ''[muffled]'' -or a Wii one?
 '''Jack:'''It be a Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Wii would like to play.
 '''Polly:''' Oh. I only got a DS.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, I heard you are very good at HTML. Why don't you make a HTML Sonichu game? That would be awesome.
 '''Troll:''' I don't think you can make a game in HTML.
 '''Chris:''' A- anyway I came back...
 '''Jack:''' Chris? How many courses did you have to take to get that degree in CAD?
 '''Troll:''' -pretty sure you can make a game in HTML-
 '''Chris:''' ''[speaking over]'' I'm took abo- took about two- took about two years to four years.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, if you can write HTML you can write C++, make your own games. Pretty simple man.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's something I'll consider.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde why are you talking to him? He hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm trying to give him some suggestions. I'm not insulting him, OK?
 '''Troll:''' HTML seems kinda outdated, so to speak.
 '''Chris:'''I learn- I took two HTML classes so at least I know how to do- at least I know the ins and outs when it comes to like, workin' on it in the raw data- in the notepad.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' So you don't use Dreamweaver?
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I also use Net- also use Netscape composer.
 ''[Someone starts singing 'Dreamweaver']''
 '''Troll''': I heard they went bankrupt or something.
 '''Chris''': I don't- I don- I don't listen to news because I don't care about bad news.
 '''Troll''': But that's not bad news that's just safety...
 ''[Talking over each other]''
 '''Jack''': Why you gotta bring this bad vibe in here?
 '''Troll:''' OK OK I'll chill, I'm sorry it's just my wife- ''[can't hear over Chris typing extremely loud]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris you don't hear about these ones in a while. Like yesterday some guy in my town got run over by a train and he- he died. And that's a really bad thing, you know but you have to hear about it.
 '''Jack''': Yeah but that's because you're Mexican. You Mexicans always play around the train tracks, what's with you?
 [pause]
 '''Clyde:''' No come on, don't be racist.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''It's because Mexicans are stupid. I'm surprised I can use a computer.
 '''Polly:''' ''[muffled]'' CrassCrab why do you have to be so mean?
 '''Jack:''' 'Cause my mother was raped by a Mexican. And I'm part Me- ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry man.
 '''Polly:''' That isn't fair to take it out on every other Mexican out there.
 '''Troll:''' His rule applied to millions. Just ignore him.
 '''Jack:''' No I'm not my mother was raped by Mexicans.
 '''Clyde:''' CrassCrab I'm tired of listening to you, get out of here.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Not all Mexicans are like that we- we- I am as Mexican guy. Not all Mexican guys are- ''[drowned out by typing]''
 '''Troll''': Don't get me started on them. But that will be another day. Cause I'm sick of hearing bad news.

===Chris Types Fast (And Hates Hex-Box)===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris what are you uh- typing there?
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm typing a email.
 '''Troll''': How many words can you type? How fast can you type? Sounding fast there.
 '''Chris''': Uhhh say about uh- sorta between thirty and a hundred.
 '''Clyde:''' That's quite a good range man.
 '''Troll:''' You're like "The Flash", minus the red jump-suit.
 '''Polly:''' Oh Chris um- I was wondering- ''[unclear]'' -would it be uh a Wii game or a DS game or both. I only own DS and I don't have any money for a Wii.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wii, DS and Pla- hopefully uh- possibly uh, PlayStation 2 or 3. Never on [[Hex_Box|Hex-Box]].
 '''Troll''': When you gonna do this shit?
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Why don't you like the Hex-Box? I mean I have an Xbox, I would love to play online with you.
 '''Troll:''' I'd like to say this. Before Chris says anything about that I just wanna say that today my wife came home from the mall shopping for her usual clothes, that Gucci purse I had to buy for her. You know what she came home with? I wanted a PS3 but you know what she gave me was a frickin' Xbox 360. The Elite one? ''[someone speaks over]'' I know, I kept telling her like "Honey this isn't what I wanted. I wanted the PlayStation 3 so I can play LittleBigPlanet, Metal Gear Solid and Sonic Unleashed"
 '''Chris:''' You can put Sonic Unleashed on the Hex Box as well as Wii.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Too whiny to make out]''
 '''Troll''': So Nintendo just- rejected your offer? Cause I- I heard a rumor that there was going to be a Sonichu game or something.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris uh. Cassie wants you to send her your Wii number so she can talk to you on the Wii.
 '''Chris''': Alright uhhhhh. I'll get- have to get my Wii number now.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Send it to her in an email please.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah they completely hate Sony. And they hate Microsoft as well. I mean this guy, Reggie? He always talks about kicking their ass and stuff. He's kinda crazy.
 '''Polly:''' I know. Reggie's very mean he never brought out ''[unclear]'' to America.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah i wanted to play that game.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talked over]'' -I'm tellin' you guys. Reggie's just a great ''[unclear]''
 '''Polly''': Like what?
 '''Clyde:''' I can- I can't say anything OK but... you'll see.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah so I don't think like if you got the deal with Nintendo I don't think they'd put it on like mu- like anything else but the Wii or DS. Yeah, cause that Reggie guy he frickin' hates Sony. And Microsoft.
 '''Jack:'''Wasn't he also the head of VH1?
 '''Polly:''' Or Pizza Hut.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. What are your favorite places to eat at?
 '''Polly:''' I remember um he ''[unclear]'' -but before that he was with Sega when Dreamcast was out.
 '''Chris:''' Yup. Let me type this email please. I mean y'all keep talking I'll just listen.
 '''Clyde:''' There's no reason to hate the Xbox. Let's be honest.
 [pause]
 '''Polly:''' Or um- Chris um- do you wanna release your game on Nintendo and on Sony. If you do talk to somebody like EA or something, you can like do um- multi-console thing like a (?) party thing.
 '''Chris:''' ''[busy typing]'' Hmm. Well it's all to think about.
 '''Polly''': I mean Sega does third party now so um-
 '''Chris''': Yeah well I'm gonna keep typing this email here. Y'all keep talking.
 ''[Sound of Chris typing]''
 '''Clyde:''' It's true, it's true.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Chris I wanted to tell you that Cassie's going to be here any- any second so you can talk to her.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hm. ''[continues typing]''
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Don't you care about her?
 '''Chris:'''''[annoyed]'' I'm typin' da email to her right now!
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Oh OK.
 '''Polly''': Yeah um 360 is pretty bad um- it red-rings all the time.
 '''Max?:'''I've had mine over two years. The same one. And it has not red-ringed yet.
 '''Jack:''' Dude you have to pay $50 just so you can play online.
 '''Chris:''' ''[echoing]'' Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Yeah it's bullshit.
 '''Chris''': Yeah it's totally free on PlayStation. And Wii.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris. Chris. No, no, no, no, I gotta talk about this. [long pause] Chris...
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I get less connection problems myself.
 '''Clyde:''' I can't let you get away with this Chris. You spent over $1000 on the PlayStation Network. OK? And you say you can't afford $50 for the Xbox? Terrible reason. That's a terrible reason.
 '''Polly:''' Also, um, Cogs I had a friend of mine whose red-ringed a lot of times. She did not like it at all. She got herself a PS3 instead.
 ''[Chris is STILL typing]''
 '''Jack:''' I heard that like- the PS triple eats up a lot of energy and like- has like- burned houses down. Cause it messes up the- no but the PS3 really-
 ''[More of Chris typing then audio cuts out]''
 '''Clyde:'''So when's the next comic coming out Chris?
 '''Chris''': I can't say. I don't have a date for it right now. I've been busy with the- with real life and such. You know getting the s- getting the website back up and all that.
 '''Polly''': Oh but I've been waiting so long.
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I gotta tell you something Chris. ''[unclear]'' -to the trolls but I haven't done anythin' myself. It's run off into splinter groups doin' stuff to you. Ever since the Panda thing, I haven't done anything to you man. Everybody's been running round doing things. I have no control anymore. So I'm back here. This is why I'm back here. Do you understand?
 '''Chris''': Yeah. I hear you.

===Nudes On YouTube===

 '''Max?:''' Chris.
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Max?:''' So I hear you got some uh- nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': What?
 '''Max?:'''Hear you got some nudes on YouTube.
 '''Chris:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Max?:''' NUDES!
 '''Chris''': That's what I thought- I have nothing na- I have nothing like that on the nu- on the YouTube. I've nothing like that.
 '''Troll:''' Oh someone posted the pics form the ED page.
 '''Chris''': They're just tryin' ta get on- they're just tryin' ta get on my nerves again. But I'm not gonna let 'em.
 '''Troll''': Did you take those pictures or what? Where'd they come from?
 '''Polly''': Uh, are they Photoshopped?
 '''Chris''': Yeah most of- Yes. Most of them are Photoshopped.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris I can help you with ED. Chris I can help you with ED.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Yeah.
 '''Troll''': You can see the neck and the body doesn't quite match up.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, Chris. Cassie's just arrived. She's a little nervous about talking to you, but she's gonna talk to you soon. Is that OK?
 '''Chris''': Yeah that's fine.
 '''Clyde:''' I just got one quick comment. The ED people were in contact with me, but I've lost contact with them. But I know you can delete that page permanently. I'm tryin' to help you man. You can get that page down forever. Even the entire site.
 '''Troll:''' What, after you raped uhm- Sarah?
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I'm trying to make amends. So let me do my business. All right?
 '''Troll:''' It's too late to make amends. Look what you did.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Troll:''' Um. Cogsdev said she had a look at the data, they have it up in Image editing software.
 '''Other Troll:''' Oh yeah. Well...
 '''Chris''': Well I don't know what to tell you there.
 ''[Several trolls speak at once]''
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Troll''': Doesn't that mean they're real?
 '''Chris''': No, I don't think so.
 '''Troll''': You don't think so?
 '''Other Troll''': Well, did you take them?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': Then where did those pictures come from?
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, who took those?
 '''Chris''': I don't know. And I'd rather not talk about that anymore. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
 '''Troll:''' Are you lying to your fans Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': We don't feel confort- we don't feel comfortable. We're big fans of your work and we don't like being lied to.
 '''Jack:''' I'd like to make a point. It might just be a doppelganger [sic].
 '''Clyde:'''Chris, you know the thing I hate most is lies. I like to spread the truth about you Chris.
 '''Troll''': You say you're honest, but you're lying to us.
 '''Chris:''' ''[clearly annoyed]'' Fine, fine. Some those pictures are real.
 '''Troll''': Some of them?
 '''Chris''': Some of them but not all of them.
 '''Jack''': Like, which ones aren't real?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'd rather not go into detail because I'd rather not look at 'em. Cause uh- ''[interrupted]''
 '''Troll:''' ''[unclear]'' -are you ashamed of it?
 '''Jack''': Do you not like to look in the mirror?
 '''Troll:'''You owe it- you owe it to your fans.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, but- yeah, but- yeah, but upon looking at those it's like ref- it's like reflecting a pe- uh p- a past moment in my life where I- I was played for the fool.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah, by the man in the pickle suit?
 '''Chris''': Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Oh that guy- I hate that guy.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah I saw- he was trolling some other people you know? So you're not alone, Chris.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he took pictures of me like that too...
 '''Chris''': Hmm.
 '''Troll''': That guy's an asshole, I hate him.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh yep.
 '''Troll''': He took pictures of my wife too. Sick bastard.
 '''Polly:''' ''[I think she says he is a peanut]''
 [pause]
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm sorry, what?
 [another pause]

===Chris Hates Harry===

 '''Chris:''' I just uh- never was fond of it. Ever since it came out, I was never fond of it. ''[unclear as troll speaks over]'' -just like I hate Harry Potter because he's s- he's goin- he's uh- in compe- was in competition against the world of Pokemon.
 '''Jack''': Well that- that doesn't make sense. But they're two different medias. Pokemon-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah but- yeah but still he-
 '''Jack''': -Harry Potter is a book.
 '''Chris''': Yeah but he poses as competition against them.
 '''Jack''': That's not really competition. I mean-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talks over Jack]'' Oh that reminds me about books- Vivi- Vivian wrote a book and sent it to you. You never read it.
 '''Chris:''' Yes. I am afraid I- yeah, yeah- I'm uh- I've been uh- so I've been under uh- too much stress between internet and all that. I'll ge- I'll read it, I'll read it.
 '''Clyde:''' She's been waiting for your response for quite a long time.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I like the cover.
 (pause)
 '''Chris''': Nice cover.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he is right about that. That is a nice cover.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah the book is pretty good- I read it.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Well I- I will definitely make it a point to uh- read it. Very soon.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Polly:''' ''[Audible over the others]'' Did you ever read Twilight?
 '''Chris:'''I've heard th- I've heard Twilight and I've seen the trailer but I haven't seen the movie, I'll wait for it to come out DVD or Blu-ray.
 [pause]

===Random Access Humor Python Style===

 '''Polly''': Oh OK, I heard a lot of girls like Twilight.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I see. Hey Polly does your voice sound like that, 'cause it sounds like a guy talking falsetto. I mean no personal offense.
 '''Polly''': That's not very nice...
 '''Chris''': I'm sorry. Believe me I didn't mean any pe- anything personal it's just like, you know- hm- kind- just kinda takes me by surprise a bit, that's all.
 '''Troll''': I knew a girl like that in high school.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Sounding upset]'' I can't help it if I'm born like this.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I'm- I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.
 '''Troll''': Yeah she's a girl. I saw her pics. She's a girl.
 '''Chris''': Well I'll s- I'll take his word for it. I'm sorry I cu- I accused you there.
 '''Polly''': Um. OK.
 '''Chris:''' You know, aut- I mean- let's- it's just uh- you know it's uh- you know it's uh a bit- just a spot of fun. [[Random-access_humor|Stupid humor]]. Monty Python's Flying Circus.
 '''Clyde:''' We know you love that. There's just so many references to it in the comic.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I d- after they put all of the entire series on PlayStation Network I downloaded the Hamlet episode- that was the one that had uh- Jimmy Hill parodying himself. It also had this funny bit where it was like, you know- ''[in a stupid voice]'' "...and now it's time for The Robinsons, an everyday story about blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah. Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-duhhh-dum-de-dum"- and so on...
 ''[A troll begins to speak but is interrupted by a very high-pitched Chris]''
 '''Chris:''' "Morning Mrs. Robinson- Morning Mrs. Robinson. Comin' out shoppin'? Oh- you've been shoppin', what did you buy? What's this?-" 'What did you buy this for?'[Trolls laugh over him]'' -It was a bargain!"
 '''Troll:''' I've heard you do that before. I don't know where. Anyway uh- uhm- Whatever happened to Jimmy Hill?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I haven't heard from him in a long time so just assuming uh- he gave up or uh-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' I think he got a- I think he got a, uh- children's TV program in England.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well he ain't botherin' me, so I'm not worried about him anymore.
 '''Jack:''' Ye- but he's stealing Sonichu. Bastardizing it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah he did but uh- he s- but haven't seen any updates on his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' -profile, he's still doing it.
 ''[Several trolls talk over each other about him having a TV show]''

===Chris Fails At Spanish Pt. 2===

 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 ''[Troll says something more about the TV show, but it's muffled]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Cassie wants to say hi. Just forgive her English because she can't speak very well, okay?
 '''Chris:''' All right. Just sent her the email by the way, just now.
 '''Cassie:''' Hey, Chris. It's me, Cassie.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Cassie. How are you?
 '''Cassie:''' Fine, and you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm feelin' OK.
 '''Cassie:''' Why haven't you emailed me? I was really about-was really worried about you. What's happened?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I be- I've bee- I've been busy with the Internet and the stress and all that. I sent ya an email just now go- it's got my Wii number in it so you can add me to your contacts. I've been talking to uh- I've been talking to Sarah lot- quite a bit lately. She's been helping me with uh- updating the Sonichu site, since I've uh- since I'm working on uh- it's re-uploading and such.
 '''Cassie:''' K, I believe you. I going to check ''[pronounced like 'sheg']'' it, okay?
 '''Chris:''' You're going to where?
 '''Troll:''' ''[very quietly]'' Check it.
 '''Cassie''': To check it.
 '''Chris''': To "shag-it"? Is that the-
 '''Cassie''': Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' ''[still doesn't understand]'' Oh.
 '''Cassie:''' I going to check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Troll:''' Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, check email. ''[Laughs]'' Yeah I'm sorry I tr- I tried to uh- understand but it just kind of messed up a little bit.
 '''Jack''': Why don- why don't you two speak in Spanish?
 '''Chris''': Uhhh. I'm not exactly fluent.
 '''Cassie:''' ¿Sabes hablar español, Chris? (Do you know how to speak Spanish?)
 '''Chris:''' Sí, hablo español. (Yes, I speak Spanish)
 '''Cassie:''' Oh. ''[pause, one of the trolls says something to her]'' Oh, eso es muy sexy. (That is very sexy.)
 '''Chris''': Ohhhh. Te gusta. Te gusta muchísimo, (You like it. You like it a lot)
 '''Cassie''': La verdad, si. (To tell you the truth, yes)
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Me amos mis amigas muchísimas. Sons muy bueñas! (I love my friends (feminine) a lot. They are very good.) [Correction: Amo a mis amigas muchísimo. Son muy buenas.]
 '''Cassie''':Oh, eso es tan cool en español! Muy bueno! (That's so cool in Spanish! Very good)
 '''Chris''': Muy bueño (very good)
 '''Cassie''': Aha, exacto. (it is!)
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]'' Okay, that's good.
 '''Cassie''': Well, I going down, okay?
 '''Chris''': Okay, you're going down- by the way, let me ask ya Cassie, do you ever- you've uh- you've actually met uh Sarah May in person, haven't you?
 '''Cassie''': Not. She's on Internet.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Okay. That's cool- but anyway uh- you got- you d- you have my Wii number, uh- you can reply the email with your Wii number and it'll be registered on the Wii network.
 '''Cassie:''' ''[very haltingly]'' Yes. So. Cool. Talk with you Chris. You are so cool.
 '''Chris:''' Heh. Uhhhh. You flatter me. Tù me flatteray. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Cassie:''' ''[Weak laugh]'' Well, see you.
 '''Chris:''' Adíos.
 '''Cassie:''' Adíos.
 '''Chris:''' ''[In his 'baby voice']'' Adíos. ''[sigh]''
 '''Cassie:''' Adíos, bebé.
 '''Chris:''' Adíos, chiquita bonita. ''[Laughs]''
 [Pause as audio cuts out]
 '''Chris:''' -it again.
 [Another pause]
 '''Clyde:''' So anyway, Chris. I've been working on Rabbichoso for a day and uh- I was just wonderin' like, it's- it's supposed to compete with Sonichu, you know? If you weren't aware of that.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh. I grabbed onto d- grabbed onto i- grabbed onto the gist. I'm aware- I'm aware of the just of the theory. Uh. I'm aw- I'm aware that you're tryin' to compete.
 '''Clyde:''' You know what competition does. It's drives uh- it drives consumer interest- ''[muffled]''- that's why I'm trying to help dude. You know, compete. Just so you're aware of this, OK?
 '''Chris''': I see. -see.
 [Pause]

===Rabbichoso And Animu===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris we've been ge- been getting uh threatening images from the Pickle Man. Did you s- did you see the left?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I've not heard from the Pickle Man in lo- in a long time.
 '''Troll''': Apparently there are multiple ones because this one is, uh, not a darkie.
 '''Chris''': Uh-huh.
 '''Troll''': It's good that they're leaving you alone now.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Jack''': Seems like they found more easier targets. Seeing as how you became [[Navy|saltier]].
 '''Chris''': Uh. You know I originally got that quote from an e- ep- episode of ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': From what?
 '''Chris''': ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': Oh, ExCel Saga. Oh, yeah, that's a good anime.
 '''Chris''': ''[Quotes ExCel saga. Can't understand what he's saying]''
 '''Troll:''' Uh, have you ever seen two animes, ''[muffled]'' and Schooldays?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I have not seen either of those. I like Steel Angel Kurumi as well.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris, how much Japanese do you know?
 '''Chris''': Only a little bit. I'm not totally fluent. I can say that with all honesty.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something in Japanese]''
 '''Chris''': Huh?
 '''Clyde:''' Never mind, you won't understand it.
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear] Chris-Chan. Thank you desu ga [sic]''

===Chris Could Kill Clyde===

 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, I just wanted to say, uh, you're doing a good job, like, keeping calm even though Clyde is here. I mean u- I thought you'd be, like, more angry at him.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm being calm with you guys.
 '''Troll''': -I would have been choking him by now.
 '''Other Troll''': I'd have kicked his ass.
 '''Chris''': Preach to the choir. Pr-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I'd make him choke on a pickle if it were up to me.
 '''Clyde:''' You guys can't touch me otherwise I'd kick all your asses. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, bring it.
 '''Troll:''' Chris could kick Clyde's ass anytime.
 '''Clyde:''' Let's see Chris do it.
 '''Chris''': Bring it to me any day of the week and I'll definitely show him a hard- day's night.
 '''Troll''': Yeah I think you could kick his ass.
 [Trolls and Clyde talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' ''[Sings]'' -been a hard day's night...
 '''Clyde:''' -never mind, just...
 '''Chris''': I mean that as a- meant that as in I would beat... him up.
 '''Troll''': Kick his ass?
 '''Chris''': I'm very strong.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. I'm gonna see you later, OK?
 ''[Unison of goodbyes]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' OK see ya. Thank you so much Chris.
 '''Chris:''' ''[ignoring his fans]'' Yeah I can- I can lift about my weight.
 '''Troll:''' Like um- if Clyde were right in front of you, what would you do to him?
 '''Clyde:''' Like, what kind of style of fighting do you have?
 '''Troll:''' Hey, shut up.
 '''Clyde:''' I gotta know my competition.
 '''Chris:''' Personal- in the physical offense. ''[sigh]'' I would definitely be giving you so much physical pain.
 '''Clyde:''' That's not a s- that's not a style.
 '''Chris''': I would beat you up.
 '''Troll''': He deserves it man.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, that's still not a style...
 '''Jack:''' He uses fisticuffs. He's a gentleman. Gentleman fisticuffs.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever, I'll just see-
 '''Troll''': Stop arguing and just-
 '''Other Troll:''' ''[Over previous troll]'' I mean, if he did that to my sweetheart I'd fucking kill him.
 '''Clyde:''' Well. He's not- he's not going to come over and kill me, I know that. He doesn't have the money. [pause] You know I'm surprised that you're mad here. You're much kinder in person I thought you- Now I'm just expecting you at my door anytime, just waiting for you to stand here with an axe or something.
 '''Chris:''' Knives are too messy.
 '''Clyde:''' Ah, now a sword- sword's are usually better.
 '''Troll:''' What about poison?
 '''Clyde:''' Poison's good, poison's good.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde, what- do you want him to beat your ass?
 '''Clyde:''' No I was just expecting it, you know.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, you know what's another thing? I would definitely not tell you how I would be hurting you, but I would definitely give you a who- big amount of pain.
 '''Troll''': Oh, he's gonna keep you guessin'!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he deserves it. After everything he's done-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Muffled by troll]'' -going to kill me, I'd like to know.
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I'm just going to let you cover in- worry.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh so you're never going to show up, it's-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Oh yes I will show up. But you just won't be expecting it.
 '''Clyde:''' You don't even know where I live, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Find out!
 '''Clyde:''' Maybe I should give you my address.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, you should track him down and kick his ass.
 '''Clyde:''' But I'm going to leave you guessing too...
 '''Troll:''' Defend Panda's h- Panda's honor.
 '''Other Troll:''' Hey Julie.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, hi Julie.
 '''Clyde:''' 'sup Julie.
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Hey Julie.
 ''[Everyone talks over each other]''

===Clyde's A Dick===

 '''Chris''': Yeah I notice her mic doesn't work. But still I'm just letting her know that- acknowledge her presence.
 '''Troll:''' You're doing well staying calm even though Clyde's here.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, Clyde's a total dick.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Troll''': Fucker.
 ''[Rustling]''
 '''Troll''': I mean, he's taken over everything. The IRC. This. I can't- no one can stop him.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]'' -over there, so...
 '''Female Troll''': I- I like Rabbichoso.
 '''Clyde:''' Of course you do. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Female Troll''': It's funny.
 '''Chris''': I will not offer any new comment on it.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, OK.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, when can we expect the next Sonichu to be released.
 '''Troll''': Yeah, we've been eager.
 '''Chris''': It'll be soon. It will be soon.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah just ignore Clyde man.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean if you're going to put a hard date on it, you'd better deliver your promise. If you don't, I'll strike harder. That's all I'm saying.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. You're saying if I don't set a date, you're gonna...
 '''Clyde:''' No, no. I'm saying don't make promises you can't keep. Don't make promises you can't keep.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll''': He'll choke you with his medallion bitch!
 ''' Other Troll''': Yeah, who the hell do you think you are?
 '''Clyde:''' I agree with Cogs over there. Maybe you should do just a page a day, not release all at once. Keep his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you telling him this when he hates you?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm giving him suggestions man, OK? OK?
 '''Troll''': Only thing he's gonna suggest to you is 'shut the fuck up'!
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, seriously man.
 '''Chris''': It's alright.
 (pause)
 '''Troll:''' Penny Arcade's slow.
 '''Polly:''' Oh you mean like Penny Arcade or ''[unclear]'' or MegaTokyo?
 '''Troll''': Yeah they're just like- boring. Then they because sellouts.

===Chris's Country Cookin===

 '''Other Troll:''' Chris, where's your favorite place to eat?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. Can't really say uh- but I like country cookin'.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah?
 '''Other Troll''': What's country cooking?
 '''Chris''': Uh no G's in the sto- no G's in the name by the way, no G.
 '''Troll''': Yeah what's country cooking? I'm not familiar with that.
 '''Chris:''' It's like uh- som- something like Golden Corral.
 '''Jack:''' But Golden Corral is a national franchise.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Polly:''' Uh Chris, how are your parents?
 '''Chris:''' They're OK.
 '''Polly:''' Oh OK.
 [Long pause]

===Sex Is Shit===

 '''Clyde:''' Chris I've got a sug- another suggestion. Now be quiet all of you cause I know you hate me. Just-
 '''Troll:''' No, Chris hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' Well don't defend him. He can defend himself OK? He's a man. But whatever-
 '''Chris:''' Let him speak.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm suggesting that- you go on and on about this sex stuff but you've never gotten laid, have you?
 '''Chris:''' I like to put myself in the imaginative situation that I'd like to be in and the sexual stimulation. So I can be ready for [[ego|myself]] for when I do actually have my first time.
 '''Clyde:''' Well my first time was- I'll just say that it's terrible, OK? I didn't know what I was doing, she didn't know-
 '''Chris:''' Let me guess, you prematurely ejaculated?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no, it's not like that you don't know what to do. Every woman's told me OK? You can't prepare-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Clyde]'' First time's always awkward...
 '''Clyde:''' -I learnt that mistake a while back, OK whatever. OK, you just- you can't prepare for your first time. You might as well just have a really bad first time so you learn from your mistakes.
 '''Troll:''' I'm not trying to defend Clyde or anything, but yeah it's kinda true.
 '''Clyde:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll:''' The girl I first fell in love with is the girl I'm married to right now. Samantha just changed my world. But marriage does get boring.

===Chris's Tips To STAY STRAIGHT===

 '''Troll:''' Chris, I know how you say how important it is to stay straight, um- I'm having trouble staying straight, do you have any suggestions?
 '''Chris''': Watch a bunch of pornography with uh- with naked women. OK, a lot of naked women.
 '''Troll''': That happened to me one time...
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, I have this friend I play video games with, is that gay? He's male by the way.
 '''Chris''': Sorry could you- I'm sorry could you repeat that?
 '''Falsion''': I have this guy I'm friends with he always comes over to my house to play video games. Is that gay? I'm kinda scared. You know? I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Hmm. Is he making any advances towards you? Personally.
 '''Falsion''': I dunno how to tell.
 '''Chris''': Like uh sit- does he always sit next to you when he's playing games. Playing video games.
 '''Falsion''': Yeah he usually does.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I see. Hmm. My- well- my suggestion in that case, would be to keep a heavy distance between you and that guy.
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he meant anything gay by it though.
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he means anything like- gay about it.
 '''Chris''': Well, still- it's always best to find out- you can ask him. Don't be afraid to ask him.
 '''Falsion''': What would you do in this situation?
 '''Chris''': Well if he said yes then I would uh- basically- let me think about that a moment.
 '''Falsion''': Do you have any friends who're are like, guys?
 '''Chris''': Only acquaintances and only a few of them.
 '''Falsion''': Do you play video games with people or anything? Do they come over to your house?
 '''Chris:''' No. No.
 '''Polly:''' Um, I remember-
 '''Falsion:''' ''[Cuts Polly off]'' I'm just worried I might be gay or something. I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Jack:''' You probably are Falsion, but that's OK. No, look dude.
 '''Chris''': Leave him alone! Leave him alone! He's straight!
 '''Jack''': Why?
 '''Troll''': Hey, let's have a calm conversation here. Let's not have any fights.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah.
 ''[Trolls speak over each other]''
 '''Troll''': I've been reading the Sonichu comics and man, they are page-turners! Seri- I was on- I was on the edge of my seat for a while. I ju- I couldn't- I couldn't- you know. Just had to read and read.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Thank you.
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, can I be your friend? I know I'm a guy. I don't mean anything gay by it. Can I be your friend?
 '''Chris''': Mm. I dunno.

===A Wild Snorlax Appears===

 '''Barbara:''' Do you want any hotdogs?
 '''Chris''': No, I'm OK.
 '''Falsion''': No?
 '''Chris''': I was talking with my mother.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I was wondering if I could be your friend.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Mmm.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I h- heard you only like, you only like to be acquaintances. With guys.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, ummm. Let's just pretty much leave it at acquaintance.
 '''Jack:''' Hello Mrs. Chandler.
 '''Chris''': She can't hear you, I'm wearing my earphones.
 '''Falsion''': Listen, I'm not gay. I don't- you know- yeah. Nevermind.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I mean- I mea- I-
 '''Clyde:''' What do you have against gay people? I'm serious to hear this.
 '''Chris:''' It's just unnatural and it's against God's will.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, it's not like it's a choice. You can't change who you are like- you're a creative guy but I mean they're just gay. They can't change that.
 '''Chris:''' I'm just answering a few questions mother.
 '''Barbara:''' You don't have to answer. Nobody's payin' you to do that.
 '''Jack''': Yes they are.
 ''[shuffling sounds, clanging]''
 '''Barbara:''' It ain't none of their business no-way.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Barbara:''' I wouldn't be asked questions like that by employers or anybody. Don't tell people what you d- what you think. Keep that to yourself.
 '''Troll:''' Chris what's hap- what's happening?
 '''Chris:''' Well, obviously, my mother is offering her input.
 '''Jack:''' Tell her you're just talking to some friends.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[muffled]'' I don't need no back talk from somebody on the other end of the phone.
 '''Chris:''' I hear you, Mom. Hmm. Hmm.
 ''[scraping sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' These- these idiots don't have any brains or- they don't have any idea this way or that.
 ''[more banging, clanging and tumbling sounds. Sounds like washing up]''
 '''Troll:''' Is right now a bad time right now? I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Pixelblocks, Pixelblocks!
 '''Jack:''' Someone's saying "Pixelblocks."
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you saying [[Pixelblocks]]?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]''
 ''[Chris's mom has been singing]''
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful singing voice, Chris.
 [Audio cuts]
 '''Barbara:''' ''[Audio cuts back in]'' -all the anxiety, causing you stress.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well sometimes they don't; they can be peaceful.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, your mom and dad get the crappy end of the stick.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a lot of us do.
 ''[more clattering sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' Yeah, just like this nasty mess over here that you guys left that I got to clean up.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. ''[Audio cuts]'' -Yeah, I took care of my bills. I mean, not completely, but I took care of them.
 '''Troll:''' What about going to, uh, Redmond?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:'''We! (Wii?)
 [unintelligible, windows beeps]
 '''Troll:''' ''[laughing]'' Yeah, sweetheart pool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Mmhmm. ''[laughing]'' Like the other side of the pillow.
 ''[someone sighing. Clanging noises return after short absence]''
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]'' ...is all, I mean, living with your parents is okay bad-in today's bad economy, but at 26, come on.
 '''Troll:''' Shut up, you.
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I'm being nice.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde isn't so bad a guy. He does bad things, but he's pretty cool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah he's reformed. He's seen the error- Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' How- how could he do that to Sarah? I mean- That's not right.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah. Well, that's like Luke... That's like Luke and Laura from General Hospital. I know that's like, before y'all's time, but, um... Luke was a rapist and she-he raped Laura and then, like, a few months later they get married. So... ''[Laughs]''
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, I believe Clyde was trying to make amends from his past actions.
 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, but Chris, can you uh- can you forgive him?
 '''Random Troll:''' ''[whispering]'' White whale, holy grail!
 '''Troll:''' Can you forgive a small-dicked Asian? Just a thought.
 '''Jack:''' He's not Asian!
 '''Clyde:''' I'm half-Asian, okay? My parents ''[unclear]'' I don't really wanna go into it. It's too bo-boring for you people. But this is why I ''[unclear]''.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you there? Just makin' sure, buddy.
 ''[clattering]''
 '''Troll''': Move out.
 '''Another Troll''': Well, how do I do that?
 '''Troll''': What?
 '''Chris:''' Hi there, my kitty. ''[In baby voice]'' Yes, there's a pretty kitty.
 ''[Someone speaking with a voice-synth]''
 '''Troll:''' Hang on a second. I've got, like, a thousand different... Oh, Crass, why'd you do that?
 '''Jack''': Because. You can unban him but, yeah. I'm not gonna friggin' stand for that.
 ''[Sound of a vacuum cleaner]''
 '''Jack''': I (m j d?) do that.
 '''Troll''': I heard the "g" word.
 '''Polly''': Um, is that a vacuum cleaner?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Yeah, sounds like it is.
 [Trolls speak but are drowned out by vacuum]''
 '''Clyde:''' ...room or something.
 '''Polly:''' I think the vacuum cleaner...
 '''Clyde:''' If that's the government trying to do some kind of thing, then my name's Rusty Shackleford.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.
 '''Polly''': Oh, okay.
 '''Troll''': That's a loud fan.
 '''Other Troll''': I have a fan above my stove, too.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Hey... I do, too.
 '''Clyde:''' Wait- wha- wait. You-you-you're in the kitchen?
 '''Troll''': Me too.
 ''[possibly Sonic game sound effects]''
 '''Max:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Mmhm? Mm.
 '''Max:''' I'm pretty sure it's already asked, but I didn't catch the answer. When can we expect the next Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' I-I-I told you my suggestion of releasing a page a day or something. I mean, it's a pretty good one. It-it-it allows for a good time. Finish a page a day. You upload it. You know? It's very good. Works very well.
 ''[Barbara singing]''
 '''Polly:''' Uh. I mean- you guys keep asking when he's going to finish it but I wonder how many pages are going to be in the new one?
 '''Clyde:''' The last one was like, thirty. Just release it over the span of a month. Works fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...go up to ninety thousand...
 '''Clyde:''' ''[mutters something]''
 ''[Sound of Barbara singing]''
 '''Barbara:''' Down by the river...side.
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful voice, Chris.
 ''[clattering, typing]''
 '''Barbara:''' ''[unclear, repeating the same two phrases]'' Gone down by the river, down by the water side, down by the riverside. Down by the waterside. Down by the riverside.
 '''Polly:''' I remember ''[unclear]''
 ''[Audio cuts]''
 '''Troll:''' -I'm hungry myself.
 ''[some kind of alarm sounding]''
 '''Max:''' Then go eat.
 '''Troll:''' No, you.
 '''Max:''' I already ate.

===Anime And Shit===

 '''Polly:''' I wonder what anime Chris watches nowadays. There's not many on television but do you still watch Japanese cartoons?
 '''Troll:''' ''[In a bad accent]'' Kawaii desu ne.
 '''Other Troll:''' I want to watch Shuffle. He said it was very good. He said it was sad. I don't know if I wanna watch- I don't like sad stuff. I like to be happy when I watch anime.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, and um, do you watch stuff like Bleach and um Code Geass or Naruto or something?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Other Troll:''' I'm glad to hear that Shuffle isn't sad. I'm definitely going to watch it sometime.
 '''Troll:''' Um, yeah Chris that was a good call on Naruto.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah there's a lot of people who don't like it much either. Too popular.
 '''Troll:''' But please. Please. Hope. ''[audio cuts out briefly]'' Uh, Chris, please consider When They Cry.
 '''Other Troll''': Ooh, I saw that one. It was a really good series.
 '''Troll''': Oh, I know; that was good, like-
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah. Both seasons of it.
 ''[Windows beeps, voices overlapping]''
 '''Troll:''' I could link you to Season One if you want. Yeah, Samantha got me into that.
 '''Other Troll:'''...you'll give it a try, Chris. It's a very, very good series.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Hm. Hey, Julie. How are you?
 '''Other Troll:''' ...lots of ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': Watch Shuffle. You got the six episodes of Shuffle or... Which o- which anime? I'm sorry.
 '''Troll''': Oh and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is also cool.
 '''Polly:''' I really liked JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Very ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Za warudo!
 '''Troll:''' Oh yeah, I think Shuffle is quite all right. I like Heidi. She's sweet and loyal.
 '''Other Troll:''' That's a good one. One of my favorites is Black Lagoon.
 '''Polly:''' Um, is that the one with the blue girl?
 ''[Trolls talk over each other about different anime]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, uh, Chris can I, my, uh, I don't know if it's all right, but, like, could you like, give me an email sometime? I could, uh... recommend you to... this anime that... Polly and... Julie like to watch. They're quite- they... Oh, C-and Cogs has recommended such great anime.
 '''Chris:''' ''[talking to his mother]'' Yeah? That's ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': As well as Julie-Julie's the person that got me into anime.

===People Love Poketunes===

 '''Chris:''' -we can go into this later cause I got my headphones on. And, Mom, you know what something else? They liked your singing.
 '''Barbara:''' What? I don't sing.
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' That's my laugh; that's my laugh. They couldn't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' They heard you. Singin'. Just now.
 '''Barbara:''' I can't sing!
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' I'm tone deaf.
 '''Chris:''' They just heard you singing, and liked your voice.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay. Did you write checks for all those bills and pack everything ''[unclear]''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yes, Mother, I did.
 '''Barbara:''' You're not telling me no story?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not telling you no story.
 '''Barbara:''' OK. It's important [''inaudible''] did you pay them?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I paid that one.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay, you have to be honest with me, 'cause, see, you're settin'...
 '''Chris:''' I'm being honest, I'm being honest.
 '''Barbara:''' How you respond to what [we] talk about. You say you ought to something and you don't do it then that's gonna change my ideas ''[unclear]''.
 '''Chris:''' Okay... I'll be sure to pay the remaining differences next month.
 '''Barbara:''' No, this month.
 '''Chris:''' I know but I couldn't pay them all with 90 dollars so there's still some left ''[sound cuts]'' ...oh, you're cooking them up here, okay, that's why you turned the fan on over the stove.
 [Audio cuts]
 ''[Trolls rejoice and mock Momma Chandler]''

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 1|Mumble Chat 1]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]|}}

==See also==
*[[Spanish]]
==Links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?mtnztmniomk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Mumble 2

2010-07-27T19:59:07Z

Lucian: /* Transcript */

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|180px|In Mumble 2, a Wild [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]] appeared.]]

'''Mumble 2''' is the second [[Mumble]] chat that took place on 4 [[February 2009]]. More than an hour long.

This is a more organized Q&A type chat than [[Mumble 1]]. Questions from [[Clyde]] about [[sex]] in the [[comic]] and interesting tidbits about how Chris believes sex is the same as romance. This is pretty hard hitting, with stuff like how Chris is into [[McDonald's|fast food]] yet he's against tobacco. A lot of drama involving Clyde.

Length: '''1:49:17'''

==Summary==

===Notes===
* Chris doesn't like Clyde because he stole his sweetheart.
* Audio cuts out for a minute before Chris says: "...HYMEN!" (You broke her hymen)
* Trolls claim [[Panda]] is with Clyde, Chris wants to hear her voice, they say she's busy
* 'She and I WERE very close'
* Chris didn't have $400-$800 to go and see Panda; claims he got this number from an airport website recommended by [[Miyamoto]]
* Insists on [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] being in ''[[Animal Crossing]]''
* Doesn't want to talk about his deal with them
* Insists that he doesn't have to turn down his radio since his voice is louder (''it is horribly loud in the mic'')
* Panda gave Clyde all of the sites, etc.
* [[Sarah]] is going to be with Clyde, which Chris wants to deny
* These motherfuckers keep talking over each other
* Calls a troll's critique crap
* [[Bubbles]] must be aroused, she isn't wet all the time
* Bubbles is 90% water so does sperm just swim around forever? NO
* Clyde: This is a children's comic, why so much sex?
: '''Chris:''' It is romance. My best artwork is when they're making out 'romantic moments', drawn in protest to trolls. Shows that [[Rosechu]]s have vaginas, not [[duck]]s.
* Admits to maybe going overboard
* Trolls try to reason with him about the [[ED]] article: There wouldn't be an article if he didn't react like he does.
* Trolls say that TV-Y7 means NO SEX but Chris points to romantic anime that have making out (cartoons are for kids, whatever the content).
* Trolls talk about Japan being less strict about those things
* Everyone gets to vote in [[CWCville]], even if they're [[Niggos|black]].
* Got his idea from [[Mary Poppins]].
* Troll tries to give historical background about cough medicine putting kids to sleep. Chris insists it was the lullaby that put them to sleep.
* Discussion about Chris, 'gay message' sent by a troll
* He calls Clyde a scoundrel
* BELIEVE HIM HE IS STRAIGHT
* Chris tries to speak Mexican at 20:50
* Mexican speaks Mexican to him... he replies in Menglish
* [[4-cent_garbage]] is located in Mexico
* Someone says that he needs to improve his Mexican
* Chris is against smoking, CWCville is smoke and alcohol free
* Rehash of why [[tobacky]] is bad, his position on it, alcohol=bar fights
* Chris's dad smoked and had several bypasses, has a pacemaker and has had heart attacks
* Mention of his hair cuttings for his fans
* Chris was doing math in his head, got in car crash.
* Chris has taken college level math. Took trigonometry.
* Trolls gang up on Clyde for stealing Panda
* Time will tell when Chris will make the money he would have in the Nintendo deal
* Trolls bash Clyde for his pot smoking
* Chris doesn't watch news because it's bad news =(
* Bashing of the Mexican
* Chris can type 30 to 100 WPM, but can't type and talk at the same time
* Chris says [[PSN]] is free though Clyde(?) points to the $1,000 Chris spent on PSN
* Chris has been typing for 15 minutes now and it is VERY loud
* Chris has been busy IRL therefore the comic release doesn't have a date
* Someone points to nudes on [[YouTube]].
* He does not have it on the YouTube, but he isn't going to take it anymore.
* Claims some of the photos are photoshopped.
* Clyde offers help to take ED page down.
* Chris denies taking those pictures, doesn't want to talk about it, making him uncomfortable.
* Some of the pictures are real. When questioned which ones are fake, Chris can't answer.
* Chris hates Harry Potter because it was in competition with [[Pokémon]]!
* Chris is too stressed to read Vivian's [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|book]], but he likes the cover!
* Polly, who has been talking the whole time is confronted by Chris who thinks she is a guy. Polly is upset. Chris apologizes.
* [[Jimmy Hill]] has launched his Sonichu show
* More Mexican talk at 55:10
* Chris giggles and sighs happily when Cassie, another Mexican, compliments him and when she leaves he says 'Chiquita Bonita'
* Rabbichoso talk (Sonichu.info)
* Classic trolls are leaving Chris alone.
* Chris likes Steel Angel Kurumi (''quote from [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Angel_Kurumi Wikipedia]: often classified as ecchi due to the focus on fanservice and panty shots'')
* Chris claims to be very strong, could beat Clyde up. Says he would show Clyde a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Hard Day's Night]], and would give Clyde pain.
* ShinyMarshtomp makes an appearance? Likes Rabbichoso
* Chris likes to eat at [[Country Cookin]] (''like Golden Corral'')
* Chris likes to imagine his first time.
* Clyde says the first time is awful, Chris said it was because Clyde prematurely ejaculated
* Watch porn with naked women to cure your gay
* Guys sitting next to you = gay coming on to you
* Falsion has been in the chat room and is afraid he is gay
* A wild Snorlax appears

==Transcript==

===Waiting for Chris===
 '''Polly:''' I can't wait to hear Chris! I'm a huge fan!
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, goddamn these noodles are fantastic. Man, I wish I could eat like this everyday.
 '''Troll:''' Have you eaten the rice balls?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no. These are noodles. These are-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Fan-fucking-tastic.
 '''Clyde:''' Now they're all gone, it's fantastic, you know?
 '''Troll:''' Sweetangie is Chris. Or, we think so.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is him.
 '''Clyde:''' It's definitely not the real Chris.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm disappointed there's so many impostors out there. Kinda my fault, but, you know, if it weren't- ''[unintelligible]'' -hard to come by.
 '''Troll:''' His mic was working last time he was here, just fine.
 '''Troll:''' He usually capitalizes his words, like in every sentence.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is- I don't think this is him.
 '''Troll:''' Is it set to push to talk or something?
 '''Polly:''' Um...
 '''Troll:''' You better get us your email address Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah its push to talk. It's called push to talk.
 '''Troll:''' No, just have him set it to voice activity. It works so much better that way.
 '''Polly:''' Aww, he left.
 '''Jack''': You guys are fucking idiots.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other again]''
 '''Troll:''' You guys scared him off by being guys.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, you fucking jackasses. Nice going.
 '''Troll:''' Was that even the real...?
 '''Troll:''' Yes, that was the real Chris.
 '''Troll:''' He's too much of a pussy to talk.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, cause you scared him, or some- No, or he's too stupid to be.
 ''[Trolls Laugh]''

===Chris Arrives===
 '''Chris:''' ''[Chris arrives, with radio playing loudly]'' Hello.
 ''[Trolls all greet him]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, now-
 '''Troll:''' Why haven't you got your microphone working?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why my microphone [is] messed up.
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry, but we had an impostor here before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm registered. I've got myself registered now. So, uh, hopefully-
 '''Troll:''' That's probably why. It had to like, uh- calibrate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, I'm calibrated now.
 '''Clyde:''' So, Chris, have you seen Rabbichoso, it's fantastic.
 '''Chris:''' I don't give a crap about your stupid pencil sketch.
 ''[Audio cuts out]''
 '''Chris:''' I am not listening. I do not have to listen to ''you''.
 '''Clyde:''' Why, I'm not understanding [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Well for one thing,and i'll say it on here, you stole my sweetheart!
 ''[Cutout continues]''

===PandaHalo, Trip to Redmond and Animal Crossing===
 '''Chris:''' You broke her hymen!
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I know it's a terrible mistake, but I plan to make it up to her. I'm getting married and uh- I'm doing the things I should do.
 '''Chris:''' Oh and another thing, if she is really over there with you now, then put her on the mic. Please.
 '''Jack''': She's not- He never said-
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, she's very busy, OK. She's very busy.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Clyde:''' She's not over here right now. Okay? So lets drop it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, fine. Well could you tell her to please send me a message lettin' me know, for sure, so I can know- so I can know to-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' I'll let her know whatever you want, but it's her life. She doesn't have to send you a message. You failed her. You failed her.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' She and I were very close.
 '''Clyde:''' If you we're so close, then why didn't you go?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Because I had- Aw, hang on a second. How do I- oh, that's right. This thing. Right. Mmm. Hold on a sec. Oh yeah, because I did not have four to eight hundred dollars!
 '''Clyde:''' It doesn't cost that much to go cross-country man.
 '''Chris:''' Yes it does. I know, I saw it on an airport website. Where I was be- Where I was- recommended to me by Mr. Miyamoto.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, you can drive there. It's not that hard.
 '''Troll:''' What happened with that? I thought, um, didn't you have a deal with them or something? I heard a rumor that your characters were going to be in Animal Crossing.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they are in Animal Crossing. And I did- and I do- I did have a deal with them.
 '''Troll:''' What happened though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' I'd rather not say.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.

===Chris's Radio, Clyde and Criticism===
 '''Troll:''' Chris, why don't you turn down the TV? It's hard to hear you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]'' I do not have a TV turned on in here.
 '''Troll:''' I can hear it.
 '''Chris:''' I have a radio.
 '''Troll:''' I hear something in the background.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Burping throughout sentence]'' Well that's the- that would b- the radio. And it is not that loud.
 '''Troll:''' But it shows up pretty well on your microphone mic. With due respect.
 '''Chris:''' But still, my voice is louder than the radio.
 '''Troll:''' Ah goo- ahh given.
 '''Polly:''' Uh, Chris? Uh, when are you going to do the new Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something over Polly]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' Uh, I'll answer Polly's question. I'm not sure. It's, uh, it's in progress right now, I'm drawing it up.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I can't wait to read it!
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, we'll see.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Troll:''' Listen, Clyde kind of has admin on here, so we can't really do anything about him. So, yeah. I don't know.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Hard to hear over Chris's radio]'' ...with you guys. I love you guys. Just as much as Chris loves you guys. Right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I was angry. I was angry. But I'm calm now.
 '''Troll:''' Don't try to hurt any other person from now on.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have much- I do not have much to say in response to that right now. Because I'm ticked off.
 '''Troll:''' Don't let him get to you.
 '''Troll:''' You're no better than he is, if you give in.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris, I just wanted to let you know I'm a huge fan of the comics, and I'm glad you keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job, and just keep it up, alright man?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I appreciate the, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? The, the, uh- well, the encouraging words. Encouragement. I appreciate the encouragement. Well, there are things, uh- I- er- current events I do not appreciate. I appreciate the positive encouragement.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I can't really do anything. He took over the IRC channel. I used to be the owner. I mean Clyde. He's like taking over everything.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, it was because Panda gave it to me, you know. But anyway, I mean, you can't just listen to encouragement, you've got to listen to criticism, man. Criticisms are what make you better, you learn from your mistakes. You learn from mistakes.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Be right back guys, my wife is calling.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't- I don't- Tons of people don't like the Rabbichoso art style, but you know, I gotta improve on that. That's something I plan to improve on. There's a lot of criticism in the [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|death of Sonichu]], right?
 '''Chris:''' What? What did you just say?
 '''Clyde:''' There's a lot of criticism of Sonichu. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. For a moment there I thought you said something different.
 '''Clyde:''' What, what did you think I said? I'm just saying, there are people who like it and people who don't like it. You gotta start taking in those suggestions. You know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. So many things that will be improved upon. But, I just have to hear from Sarah herself that she really is going to be with you, Clyde. I have to hear it from herself. It's one thing to hear it from you and then it's- then on that note, it's just I find it very hard to believe. So I have to hear it from her.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I kinda think that Rabbichoso sucks. I mean, I think it could be funny, but it honestly looks like it's drawn by a kindergartener.
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Troll:''' I mean, Sonichu has evolved over the years. You can see that the art's getting better. Rabbichoso doesn't even look like something a beginner would do, honestly. I mean, ''[Interrupted]''
 '''Chris:''' A whole bunch of crap!
 ''[Everyone starts talking at once]''
 '''Polly:''' Also, Sonichu is in color.
 '''Clyde:''' I know, I accept his criticism. But you just called it crap! Now that's just rude.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have emotions going behind me- uh, behind that opinion.

===Cassie===
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, did you get my message.
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Clyde:''' Aren't you going to be the gentleman, then? Aren't you gonna be the gentleman?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I just want to ask you, Chris. I'm Cassie's friend. She- she's worried sick about you. Why haven't you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' I did email her! As a- I- I haven't gotten any re-plies from her. I have emailed her and I have instant messaged her on A.I.M. and Skype. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what's going on there.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' ...you emailed her.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' When was the last time you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll check.
 '''Polly:''' Um, Chris? I have a question. My fa- One of my favorite new characters is, um, Simonla, and like, I also like Zapina as well. Um, are they gonna have bigger parts in the series later on?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
 '''Polly:''' Um, I was wondering if Simonla and Zapina will either have bigger parts in the series later on.
 '''Chris:''' [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|Possibly]]. Possibly, but, uh, I can't say for sure. Oh, and, uh, to answer your question, uh- in answer to, uh, I believe, uh, Screwhead, who asked? It was about four days ago. About four days ago.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Yeah. Four days ago? Okay, I'll tell her to check it out.
 '''Chris:''' The last email I sent was about four days ago.
 '''Troll:''' She'll contact you in a while, though.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I'll tell her to check it out and- and thanks Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Mm.

===Bubbles's Pussy and Sex in the Comics===
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris? I have a question.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, my favorite character is Bubbles, I kinda liked the, uh, the thing she had going with Blake, where she was kind of keeping the relationship secret. I thought that was kinda clever. I was wondering, uh, she's a water-type, so does that mean that her vagina is always wet, or does she have to be aroused like a normal woman?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, aroused. That's applied for all the, uh, Rosechus there. And also, like, you know, she's not just a water-type, she's also- she's a water- and electric-type, like uh- oh, shoot- What's the name of that one? Originated from Gold-Silver-Crystal series, uh, evolves from Chinchou? Lanturn. And she has, uh, she has Volt Absorb ability.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, Chris, another question following Bubbles. Uh, her body is 90% water, and now this thing about the whole sexual intercourse- about it. Now, don't take this rude, and you don't need to answer me...
 '''Chris:''' No, that's fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...I totally respect your creative work. My wife actually got me into this, uh, show actually. So, what happens is- like, as you know, like, semens are like little fishes in themselves. Would that mean, I mean, would they actually have a route to fly into the egg, in theory, or do they just swim around her whole body, just forever just swimming around.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. The, uh, the internal or- the internal organs uh, for the Rosechus are pretty much the same thing, so I'd say pre- about, uh, as good chance as most any other mammal.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, so you mean she's able to control her density a little bit more. She- I understand now. She's able to control more her density from the 90% water. Okay. That pretty much answers it just perfectly. That's been bothering me at work. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I got another question, Chris, about this whole sexual thing. I mean, this is a children's comic, right? Why is there so much sex in it?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. It's called romance, and my- and my- if you'll notice throughout the comics my best pieces of artwork among which were those where dey were kissing and making out. Romantic moments.
 '''Clyde:''' There's a hidden page-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' And because- and because- and because of the tension from, uh, the trolls and Encyclopedia Dramatica, I just felt like doing that in protest against them.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, but childre-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' Yes but how is that really a protest? That, you know, you know, are, are you like referencing to the 60's when women burned their bras? That was in protes- That was feminism. Saying that they weren't slaves to men. Do you even understand the whole thing?
 ''[Multiple voices are heard at once]''
 '''Chris:''' Now, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about, I never really thought about that when I-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Chris]'' Then how is, stripping was, how was that protest-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Jack]'' It shows that they have vaginas and NOT dicks.
 '''Jack''' Well you know the dick thing was the fact that they were just, you know, mocking you. I think you went overboard with that.
 '''Chris:''' Well maybe I did. Maybe I did.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you did, because that seems kind of excessive, kind of-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' I don't think they would have even bothered to write about an article about you if you didn't just keep reacting like that.

===Chris justifies sex in a kids' comic===

 '''Troll:''' I have another question.
 '''Troll:''' The point some of us are trying to make is, if it's TV-Y7 that means there should really be no sex in it at all.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible over other people]''
 '''Chris:''' That's pretty much incorrect, I mean, uh, there's so many romantic anime that's TV-Y7, and they shoul- they have making out.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, a lot of things in Japan, Japan has stricter standards-not stricter, I mean looser guidelines than America. It's much different.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, I was just wondering what Bubbles, um, she has a, that water whirlwind attack, I was just curious if you had any plans to make-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Butting in]'' By the way, that was a Whirl- Whirlpool.
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, Whirlpool, sorry, sorry, Whirlpool, but do you have any plans to mix an, uh, Electric-type attack with that, since water conducts electricity, right? It could be a very powerful-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah, she did, she did an electric attack amongst the- the walls of that Whirlpool and she let out. In case you didn't know, there's a- little bits of lightning bolts among which-
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, I'm sor- I didn't notice that, I'm sorry, I'll go take another look. Thank you.
 '''Max?:''' Hey Chris-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max?:''' You make some pretty sweet Little Big Planet levels.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.

===Chris on Benadryl babysitting===

 '''Clyde:''' Oh, there's a message from Cogs on the side, it's about, uh, do women not have the right to vote already in CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' No, evry- Everybody, no matter what age, no matter what gender or race, everybody has the right to vote in CWCville. Even if they're black.
 '''Clyde:''' Then what's up with the "Votes for Women" thing, I was-
 '''Troll:''' Not just vote women, but- ''[interrupted]'' any other ethnicities, and gays?
 '''Troll:''' I don't understand-
 '''Chris:''' I did that- heard it in Mary Poppins.
 '''Jack:''' What? Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, man, Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Mary Poppins.
 '''Polly:''' I remember that movie.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, yeah, that movie.
 '''Chris:''' It's a classic. It's my favorite movie of all time.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that movie was, like, based in the 1900s.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still I- still I agreed with that message there-
 '''Clyde:''' Taken out of context, that makes it seem like CWCville's set in the 1960s.
 '''Jack:''' What message? That children should be given cough medicine so they'll go to sleep?
 '''Chris:''' ''What?''
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that's what women used to do back in- That's what mothers, friggin' nurses and stuff used to do to kids in the 1900s, is give children, like, you know, cough medicine.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Cause- cause the medicine- uh, correction, the medicine did not put them to sleep, there was a lullaby, not the cough medicine. They only had to take the cough medicine-
 '''Jack:''' No cough medicine-
 '''Chris:''' ...because it rained, before dere, and it was not, and it was to, uh-
 '''Jack:''' Rain means cough medicine doesn't have anything to do with each other. That's not how friggin' germs are spread, or colds are gotten. Colds are gotten through germs, not the rain.
 '''Troll:''' How is cough medicine any different from today's parents that just let their kids watch TV until they fall asleep? I mean, it's just as bad.
 '''Jack:''' Well- Cough medicine has a lot to do with the psychological effects of it. Obviously if you get- if you keep giving fre-
 '''Troll:''' Thanks, Samantha, that was delicious.
 '''Jack:''' What?
 '''Troll:''' It's my, uh, Samantha-
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, that's we're all saying, cause I've heard that there's a lot of different chemicals in cough medicine. You could pick up a ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' I don't even take cough medicine, because I'm not a pussy.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, so.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, I never put any references, I never did any references or plan any references to cough medicine or anything of that sort.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Well, Chris, Cassie says the last e-mail she got from you was on the 17th. How 'bout your being gay? Is that true?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' That wa- That was somebody had- That was Clyde hacking through my e-mail and spammed that to my contacts.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, I definitely did not do that-
 '''Jack:'''You're a scoundrel-
 '''Chris:''' -a slanderous lie.
 '''Clyde:''' I did not do that.
 '''Troll:''' Whoa-whoa-whoa. Wow. Well, thanks for that. She was worried that you were- that you don't like her.
 '''Jack:''' You're a scoundrel, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't do that. That was someone else.
 '''Polly:''' I was wondering, because I've heard other news too, I was really hoping that you weren't gay.
 '''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm straight.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I'll take your word for it.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. And, uh-
 '''Clyde:''' Cogs- Cogs got a way- she showed us that, okay? I mean, you only ''[unintelligible]''

===Chris's fail-riffic Spanish===

 '''Troll:''' So, Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, Screwhead's from Mexico. I heard you like Spanish, so.
 '''Troll:''' Hola, Chris.
 '''Troll:''' You know Spanish, right?
 '''Chris:''' Sí. Conoso Mexico. Tomé dos años ''[unclear]'' mi escuela secundaria. (Yes, I know Mexico. I took two years [in, possibly] my secondary school.)
 '''Troll:''' Has venido en Mexico? (Have you come to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Uh, lo siento? (Uh, I'm sorry?)
 '''Troll:''' Has estado en Mexico? (Have you been to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Estoy Mexico? No. (I am Mexico? No.)
 '''Troll:''' ''[slowly]'' Has estado, um, in Mexico. Has venir? (Have you been to Mexico? Have gone?)
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, no, I hav- no, no tengo pansars. ''[sic]'' (no, I don't have pansars (?))
 '''Troll:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think, uh, I think I meant to say- I'm pretty sure-
 '''Jack:''' Did you just say you don't wear pants?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, I was trying to say, ah, I don't have plans to go in Mexico at the moment.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Chris:''' That's what I understood what he was saying there.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, did you know that, that 4-cent garbage website is located in Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Jack:''' That's why-
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, that's why they can't get it shut down.
 '''Chris:''' Mm.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]'' borders, plus it's cheaper to run sites over there; they have, like, several servers.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. Cassie wanted to talk to you, but she couldn't make it here, well, and, she wants to be your Spanish teacher, because she says that you've got room to improve your Spanish.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, that Cassie. Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought you were- I got mixed up. Um... Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I, uh, I haven't talked to that- I haven't talked to Cassie in a while, but I've been mostly talking to, uh, her gal- her, uh, gal-pal and I'm sure- I'm sure she'd tell you a lot about her...

===In which the trolls discuss bar fights===

 '''Troll:''' Hey Chris, how- how does Sonichu keep Rosechu from spending more than a hundred dollars at the mall? I've always wondered how he could manage to do that. I've always had problems with that myself.
 '''Chris:''' That wa- That time at the mall, it was, uh, Kel loaned the credit card. And it's like, yeah- she gave- she gave Sonichu the responsibility of that credit card. She did.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I've always given my advice on cannabis, you should do the ''[unintelligible]'', Cogs Chris, but I think she wants your response.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, one of my friends sent me this picture, and I think you might find it kinda disturbing just because they say it's proof that you're gay.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, I saw that, that's just a crappy Photoshop.
 '''Jack:''' No, that one doesn't- this one doesn't look Photoshopped at all.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not gonna look at it.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you're not? Oh.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, uh, you say you're against smoking?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. As a matter of fact, CWCville is a smoke-free, non-alcoholic city.
 '''Jack:''' ''[partially drowned out]'' That's what we call a totalitarian state...
 '''Troll:''' Oh, and, uh, in the pilot episode with Seth MacFarlane, of, you know, Family Guy? He's always smoking. What do you think about that?
 '''Clyde:''' Go smoke.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I just- I just take that with a grain of salt, and, uh, you know, that's what-
 '''Troll:''' I mean, if he can smoke, why can't anyone else? I mean, it's-
 '''Chris:''' Because it causes cancer!
 '''Jack:''' So does a lot of things.
 '''Polly:''' It could be a prop pipe.
 '''Chris:''' In any case, I'm not- in any, in any case I've never done it and I never will.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, but eating too much fast food can give you a heart attack. I mean... so many things are deadly for you.
 '''Jack:''' What about fast food, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' My father used to smoke and he went through a whole bunch of heart attacks. He suffered three-
 '''Jack:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Well, I think that might have to do more with his weight.
 '''Chris:''' He suffered through three or four triple bypasses.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''Chris, I think that's... that's more like a weight issue.
 '''Chris:''' He has a pacemaker!
 '''Troll:'''Chris, eh...
 '''Troll:''' Hey ya guys, leave him alone. Ya know, my granddad, he smoked most of his life. He quit for 25 years and still died of lung cancer. I mean that's just the way it is. And your body never gets rid of it.
 '''Jack:''' Well yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:'''Chris, what about ''[pause]'' Chris, what about fast food? That's- that's bad for you.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey Chris. Chris, could you do me a favor and send an email to Cassie? She's very worried about you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Yeah sure, I'll send her an email later.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, thanks.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, I've got uh, a certain someone you know-
 '''Chris:''' No no.
 '''Clyde:''' -she has to, uh, she wants to ask you w-
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Also, she said something about some hair.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Yeah, that's uh... that's another issue right there. Um, hmmm. I'll talk to her about that.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, does, uh, drinking cause cancer?
 '''Chris:''' No, but it causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, bar fights, but—
 '''Chris:''' Bar fights!
 '''Jack:''' -but I don't think that bar fights are that big of a problem.
 '''Troll:''' I think bar fights are awesome.
 ''[People agree bar fights are awesome]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' But bar fights are bad. I got into a bar fight once and one of my hands got cut and two fingers from my left hand. Bar fights suck.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' Well, I think that might be more because you're Mexican. Are you sure you didn't lose them picking bo- picking grapes and- or something?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' No, Mexican people are more more- more much macho man; we get into bigger fights. We're more awesome.
 '''Jack:''' No- I think it might be because you got your hands stuck in some machinery when you were out picking in the vineyards.
 '''Troll:''' I don't know about you guys, but I like- I like having bar fights.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''

===Chris Crashes Due To Math===

 '''Clyde:''' You don't have to be drunk to be in a bar fight or in an automobile accident, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but they increase the likeliness of it.
 '''Clyde:''' You've been in an autobile— automobile accident, I mean, were you drunk?
 '''Chris:''' No, I was distracted.
 '''Jack:''' Uh, by what? I mean, it's kinda hard to be dist— you gotta be focused on driving man-
 '''Chris:''' I was doing math in my head.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, math in your—
 [Trolls talk over each other]
 '''Chris''': My mind got distracted by being its own calculator.
 '''Falsion''': Are you good at math?
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear]'' Is that for school?
 '''Jack''': Are you some kind of savant?
 '''Troll''': That's impossible.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Falsion:''' Guys, you're getting ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you like a mathematic genius or something?
 [pause]
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' You know some artist people have like superpowers in their head. They can do like geniuses and add really well. ''[interrupted briefly by Jack saying something else about savant]'' Chris you are already an artist. Do you have any like, magical powers?
 '''Troll''': Yeah, I heard autistic people are really good at math.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Well not all the stereo- some of that sounds like stereotypes.
 '''Troll:''' ''[talking over Chris]'' ...it has to do with mental ability; I mean, what's the...
 '''Chris''': I mean I don't know- I mean I'm not saying that I'm a total genius. I mean I know- I know enough to get by.
 '''Clyde:''' What's the highest level of math you've taken Chris?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' College level.
 '''Clyde:''' No I mean like algebra, or calculus or...?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I believe I just did trigonometry.
 '''Clyde:''' Very impressive.
 [long pause]
 '''Troll''': So I was wondering. When did you get the CAD degree? I figured it's like a fine arts degree or something? I mean wha-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I designed a whole- I designed buildings and machinery and such along there. I designed the whole CWCVille shopping center.
 '''Jack:''' Why don't you have a job then?
 '''Clyde:''' Your fans would love to see that Chris.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' -I mean use that to design like, actual buildings?
 '''Chris:''' I think I just told you i designed the CWCVille sho-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I don't mean in your comic. I'm just saying-
 ''[Audio cuts]''

===Clyde Isn't Popular And Chris Should Program===

 '''Chris''': Well it's a good st-
 '''Troll:''' Chris...
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Jack''': So I heard you got some nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'll be putting an update on da YouTube soon, but not right now.
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking maybe you could like, you know, get a degree in game design and make the Sonichu game?
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah man, it's not that hard to learn programming. C++ man.
 ''Falsion:''' Clyde, he hates you, why are you talking?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm just giving him some advice, I mean C++ is-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you here? We don't like you. You totally ruined Chris's life.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't ruin his life. He ruined his own life.
 '''Troll:''' Yes you did. You've ruined his life. You raped his girlfriend.
 ''[Everyone speaks at once over each other]''
 '''Clyde:'''If he was the man he said he was, he'd have gone to Nintendo, made all that money. How- how are you going to make money now Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Time will tell.
 ''[Everyone speaks again]''
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, time will tell Clyde.
 '''Clyde:'''''[unclear]'' -need a plan, you know?
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking uh, if- uh- would you be interested in getting a degree in game design. Making the game or something? Like if you had to?
 '''Chris''': Hm. Maybe but uh- I still have things to sort out in my real life.
 '''Troll''': Yeah it's kinda unfortunate what happened with the Nintendo thing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah- hang on a second, I'll be right back. Mm- ''[clattering]''
 '''Clyde:''' So be honest guys am I really that much of a bother. I mean...
 '''Jack''': Yeah you kind of are.
 '''Troll''': You're like a total dickfart.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll''': You realize weed causes cancer?
 '''Jack:'''Yeah.
 '''Troll''': I didn't know that.
 '''Jack:''' And it causes the munchies. You're gonna get fat, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' It's okay, man, because I work out.
 '''Jack:''' Do you play Guitar Hero standing up?
 '''Clyde:''' I play Guitar Hero while on the treadmill.
 '''Polly:'''Will the Sonichu game be a- ''[muffled]'' -or a Wii one?
 '''Jack:'''It be a Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Wii would like to play.
 '''Polly:''' Oh. I only got a DS.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, I heard you are very good at HTML. Why don't you make a HTML Sonichu game? That would be awesome.
 '''Troll:''' I don't think you can make a game in HTML.
 '''Chris:''' A- anyway I came back...
 '''Jack:''' Chris? How many courses did you have to take to get that degree in CAD?
 '''Troll:''' -pretty sure you can make a game in HTML-
 '''Chris:''' ''[speaking over]'' I'm took abo- took about two- took about two years to four years.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, if you can write HTML you can write C++, make your own games. Pretty simple man.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's something I'll consider.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde why are you talking to him? He hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm trying to give him some suggestions. I'm not insulting him, OK?
 '''Troll:''' HTML seems kinda outdated, so to speak.
 '''Chris:'''I learn- I took two HTML classes so at least I know how to do- at least I know the ins and outs when it comes to like, workin' on it in the raw data- in the notepad.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' So you don't use Dreamweaver?
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I also use Net- also use Netscape composer.
 ''[Someone starts singing 'Dreamweaver']''
 '''Troll''': I heard they went bankrupt or something.
 '''Chris''': I don't- I don- I don't listen to news because I don't care about bad news.
 '''Troll''': But that's not bad news that's just safety...
 ''[Talking over each other]''
 '''Jack''': Why you gotta bring this bad vibe in here?
 '''Troll:''' OK OK I'll chill, I'm sorry it's just my wife- ''[can't hear over Chris typing extremely loud]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris you don't hear about these ones in a while. Like yesterday some guy in my town got run over by a train and he- he died. And that's a really bad thing, you know but you have to hear about it.
 '''Jack''': Yeah but that's because you're Mexican. You Mexicans always play around the train tracks, what's with you?
 [pause]
 '''Clyde:''' No come on, don't be racist.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''It's because Mexicans are stupid. I'm surprised I can use a computer.
 '''Polly:''' ''[muffled]'' CrassCrab why do you have to be so mean?
 '''Jack:''' 'Cause my mother was raped by a Mexican. And I'm part Me- ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry man.
 '''Polly:''' That isn't fair to take it out on every other Mexican out there.
 '''Troll:''' His rule applied to millions. Just ignore him.
 '''Jack:''' No I'm not my mother was raped by Mexicans.
 '''Clyde:''' CrassCrab I'm tired of listening to you, get out of here.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Not all Mexicans are like that we- we- I am as Mexican guy. Not all Mexican guys are- ''[drowned out by typing]''
 '''Troll''': Don't get me started on them. But that will be another day. Cause I'm sick of hearing bad news.

===Chris Types Fast (And Hates Hex-Box)===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris what are you uh- typing there?
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm typing a email.
 '''Troll''': How many words can you type? How fast can you type? Sounding fast there.
 '''Chris''': Uhhh say about uh- sorta between thirty and a hundred.
 '''Clyde:''' That's quite a good range man.
 '''Troll:''' You're like "The Flash", minus the red jump-suit.
 '''Polly:''' Oh Chris um- I was wondering- ''[unclear]'' -would it be uh a Wii game or a DS game or both. I only own DS and I don't have any money for a Wii.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wii, DS and Pla- hopefully uh- possibly uh, PlayStation 2 or 3. Never on [[Hex_Box|Hex-Box]].
 '''Troll''': When you gonna do this shit?
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Why don't you like the Hex-Box? I mean I have an Xbox, I would love to play online with you.
 '''Troll:''' I'd like to say this. Before Chris says anything about that I just wanna say that today my wife came home from the mall shopping for her usual clothes, that Gucci purse I had to buy for her. You know what she came home with? I wanted a PS3 but you know what she gave me was a frickin' Xbox 360. The Elite one? ''[someone speaks over]'' I know, I kept telling her like "Honey this isn't what I wanted. I wanted the PlayStation 3 so I can play LittleBigPlanet, Metal Gear Solid and Sonic Unleashed"
 '''Chris:''' You can put Sonic Unleashed on the Hex Box as well as Wii.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Too whiny to make out]''
 '''Troll''': So Nintendo just- rejected your offer? Cause I- I heard a rumor that there was going to be a Sonichu game or something.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris uh. Cassie wants you to send her your Wii number so she can talk to you on the Wii.
 '''Chris''': Alright uhhhhh. I'll get- have to get my Wii number now.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Send it to her in an email please.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah they completely hate Sony. And they hate Microsoft as well. I mean this guy, Reggie? He always talks about kicking their ass and stuff. He's kinda crazy.
 '''Polly:''' I know. Reggie's very mean he never brought out ''[unclear]'' to America.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah i wanted to play that game.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talked over]'' -I'm tellin' you guys. Reggie's just a great ''[unclear]''
 '''Polly''': Like what?
 '''Clyde:''' I can- I can't say anything OK but... you'll see.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah so I don't think like if you got the deal with Nintendo I don't think they'd put it on like mu- like anything else but the Wii or DS. Yeah, cause that Reggie guy he frickin' hates Sony. And Microsoft.
 '''Jack:'''Wasn't he also the head of VH1?
 '''Polly:''' Or Pizza Hut.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. What are your favorite places to eat at?
 '''Polly:''' I remember um he ''[unclear]'' -but before that he was with Sega when Dreamcast was out.
 '''Chris:''' Yup. Let me type this email please. I mean y'all keep talking I'll just listen.
 '''Clyde:''' There's no reason to hate the Xbox. Let's be honest.
 [pause]
 '''Polly:''' Or um- Chris um- do you wanna release your game on Nintendo and on Sony. If you do talk to somebody like EA or something, you can like do um- multi-console thing like a (?) party thing.
 '''Chris:''' ''[busy typing]'' Hmm. Well it's all to think about.
 '''Polly''': I mean Sega does third party now so um-
 '''Chris''': Yeah well I'm gonna keep typing this email here. Y'all keep talking.
 ''[Sound of Chris typing]''
 '''Clyde:''' It's true, it's true.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Chris I wanted to tell you that Cassie's going to be here any- any second so you can talk to her.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hm. ''[continues typing]''
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Don't you care about her?
 '''Chris:'''''[annoyed]'' I'm typin' da email to her right now!
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Oh OK.
 '''Polly''': Yeah um 360 is pretty bad um- it red-rings all the time.
 '''Max?:'''I've had mine over two years. The same one. And it has not red-ringed yet.
 '''Jack:''' Dude you have to pay $50 just so you can play online.
 '''Chris:''' ''[echoing]'' Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Yeah it's bullshit.
 '''Chris''': Yeah it's totally free on PlayStation. And Wii.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris. Chris. No, no, no, no, I gotta talk about this. [long pause] Chris...
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I get less connection problems myself.
 '''Clyde:''' I can't let you get away with this Chris. You spent over $1000 on the PlayStation Network. OK? And you say you can't afford $50 for the Xbox? Terrible reason. That's a terrible reason.
 '''Polly:''' Also, um, Cogs I had a friend of mine whose red-ringed a lot of times. She did not like it at all. She got herself a PS3 instead.
 ''[Chris is STILL typing]''
 '''Jack:''' I heard that like- the PS triple eats up a lot of energy and like- has like- burned houses down. Cause it messes up the- no but the PS3 really-
 ''[More of Chris typing then audio cuts out]''
 '''Clyde:'''So when's the next comic coming out Chris?
 '''Chris''': I can't say. I don't have a date for it right now. I've been busy with the- with real life and such. You know getting the s- getting the website back up and all that.
 '''Polly''': Oh but I've been waiting so long.
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I gotta tell you something Chris. ''[unclear]'' -to the trolls but I haven't done anythin' myself. It's run off into splinter groups doin' stuff to you. Ever since the Panda thing, I haven't done anything to you man. Everybody's been running round doing things. I have no control anymore. So I'm back here. This is why I'm back here. Do you understand?
 '''Chris''': Yeah. I hear you.

===Nudes On YouTube===

 '''Max?:''' Chris.
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Max?:''' So I hear you got some uh- nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': What?
 '''Max?:'''Hear you got some nudes on YouTube.
 '''Chris:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Max?:''' NUDES!
 '''Chris''': That's what I thought- I have nothing na- I have nothing like that on the nu- on the YouTube. I've nothing like that.
 '''Troll:''' Oh someone posted the pics form the ED page.
 '''Chris''': They're just tryin' ta get on- they're just tryin' ta get on my nerves again. But I'm not gonna let 'em.
 '''Troll''': Did you take those pictures or what? Where'd they come from?
 '''Polly''': Uh, are they Photoshopped?
 '''Chris''': Yeah most of- Yes. Most of them are Photoshopped.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris I can help you with ED. Chris I can help you with ED.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Yeah.
 '''Troll''': You can see the neck and the body doesn't quite match up.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, Chris. Cassie's just arrived. She's a little nervous about talking to you, but she's gonna talk to you soon. Is that OK?
 '''Chris''': Yeah that's fine.
 '''Clyde:''' I just got one quick comment. The ED people were in contact with me, but I've lost contact with them. But I know you can delete that page permanently. I'm tryin' to help you man. You can get that page down forever. Even the entire site.
 '''Troll:''' What, after you raped uhm- Sarah?
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I'm trying to make amends. So let me do my business. All right?
 '''Troll:''' It's too late to make amends. Look what you did.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Troll:''' Um. Cogsdev said she had a look at the data, they have it up in Image editing software.
 '''Other Troll:''' Oh yeah. Well...
 '''Chris''': Well I don't know what to tell you there.
 ''[Several trolls speak at once]''
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Troll''': Doesn't that mean they're real?
 '''Chris''': No, I don't think so.
 '''Troll''': You don't think so?
 '''Other Troll''': Well, did you take them?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': Then where did those pictures come from?
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, who took those?
 '''Chris''': I don't know. And I'd rather not talk about that anymore. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
 '''Troll:''' Are you lying to your fans Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': We don't feel confort- we don't feel comfortable. We're big fans of your work and we don't like being lied to.
 '''Jack:''' I'd like to make a point. It might just be a doppelganger [sic].
 '''Clyde:'''Chris, you know the thing I hate most is lies. I like to spread the truth about you Chris.
 '''Troll''': You say you're honest, but you're lying to us.
 '''Chris:''' ''[clearly annoyed]'' Fine, fine. Some those pictures are real.
 '''Troll''': Some of them?
 '''Chris''': Some of them but not all of them.
 '''Jack''': Like, which ones aren't real?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'd rather not go into detail because I'd rather not look at 'em. Cause uh- ''[interrupted]''
 '''Troll:''' ''[unclear]'' -are you ashamed of it?
 '''Jack''': Do you not like to look in the mirror?
 '''Troll:'''You owe it- you owe it to your fans.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, but- yeah, but- yeah, but upon looking at those it's like ref- it's like reflecting a pe- uh p- a past moment in my life where I- I was played for the fool.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah, by the man in the pickle suit?
 '''Chris''': Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Oh that guy- I hate that guy.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah I saw- he was trolling some other people you know? So you're not alone, Chris.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he took pictures of me like that too...
 '''Chris''': Hmm.
 '''Troll''': That guy's an asshole, I hate him.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh yep.
 '''Troll''': He took pictures of my wife too. Sick bastard.
 '''Polly:''' ''[I think she says he is a peanut]''
 [pause]
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm sorry, what?
 [another pause]

===Chris Hates Harry===

 '''Chris:''' I just uh- never was fond of it. Ever since it came out, I was never fond of it. ''[unclear as troll speaks over]'' -just like I hate Harry Potter because he's s- he's goin- he's uh- in compe- was in competition against the world of Pokemon.
 '''Jack''': Well that- that doesn't make sense. But they're two different medias. Pokemon-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah but- yeah but still he-
 '''Jack''': -Harry Potter is a book.
 '''Chris''': Yeah but he poses as competition against them.
 '''Jack''': That's not really competition. I mean-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talks over Jack]'' Oh that reminds me about books- Vivi- Vivian wrote a book and sent it to you. You never read it.
 '''Chris:''' Yes. I am afraid I- yeah, yeah- I'm uh- I've been uh- so I've been under uh- too much stress between internet and all that. I'll ge- I'll read it, I'll read it.
 '''Clyde:''' She's been waiting for your response for quite a long time.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I like the cover.
 (pause)
 '''Chris''': Nice cover.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he is right about that. That is a nice cover.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah the book is pretty good- I read it.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Well I- I will definitely make it a point to uh- read it. Very soon.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Polly:''' ''[Audible over the others]'' Did you ever read Twilight?
 '''Chris:'''I've heard th- I've heard Twilight and I've seen the trailer but I haven't seen the movie, I'll wait for it to come out DVD or Blu-ray.
 [pause]

===Random Access Humor Python Style===

 '''Polly''': Oh OK, I heard a lot of girls like Twilight.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I see. Hey Polly does your voice sound like that, 'cause it sounds like a guy talking falsetto. I mean no personal offense.
 '''Polly''': That's not very nice...
 '''Chris''': I'm sorry. Believe me I didn't mean any pe- anything personal it's just like, you know- hm- kind- just kinda takes me by surprise a bit, that's all.
 '''Troll''': I knew a girl like that in high school.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Sounding upset]'' I can't help it if I'm born like this.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I'm- I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.
 '''Troll''': Yeah she's a girl. I saw her pics. She's a girl.
 '''Chris''': Well I'll s- I'll take his word for it. I'm sorry I cu- I accused you there.
 '''Polly''': Um. OK.
 '''Chris:''' You know, aut- I mean- let's- it's just uh- you know it's uh- you know it's uh a bit- just a spot of fun. [[Random-access_humor|Stupid humor]]. Monty Python's Flying Circus.
 '''Clyde:''' We know you love that. There's just so many references to it in the comic.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I d- after they put all of the entire series on PlayStation Network I downloaded the Hamlet episode- that was the one that had uh- Jimmy Hill parodying himself. It also had this funny bit where it was like, you know- ''[in a stupid voice]'' "...and now it's time for The Robinsons, an everyday story about blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah. Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-duhhh-dum-de-dum"- and so on...
 ''[A troll begins to speak but is interrupted by a very high-pitched Chris]''
 '''Chris:''' "Morning Mrs. Robinson- Morning Mrs. Robinson. Comin' out shoppin'? Oh- you've been shoppin', what did you buy? What's this?-" 'What did you buy this for?'[Trolls laugh over him]'' -It was a bargain!"
 '''Troll:''' I've heard you do that before. I don't know where. Anyway uh- uhm- Whatever happened to Jimmy Hill?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I haven't heard from him in a long time so just assuming uh- he gave up or uh-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' I think he got a- I think he got a, uh- children's TV program in England.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well he ain't botherin' me, so I'm not worried about him anymore.
 '''Jack:''' Ye- but he's stealing Sonichu. Bastardizing it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah he did but uh- he s- but haven't seen any updates on his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' -profile, he's still doing it.
 ''[Several trolls talk over each other about him having a TV show]''

===Chris Fails At Spanish Pt. 2===

 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 ''[Troll says something more about the TV show, but it's muffled]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Cassie wants to say hi. Just forgive her English because she can't speak very well, okay?
 '''Chris:''' All right. Just sent her the email by the way, just now.
 '''Cassie:''' Hey, Chris. It's me, Cassie.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Cassie. How are you?
 '''Cassie:''' Fine, and you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm feelin' OK.
 '''Cassie:''' Why haven't you emailed me? I was really about-was really worried about you. What's happened?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I be- I've bee- I've been busy with the Internet and the stress and all that. I sent ya an email just now go- it's got my Wii number in it so you can add me to your contacts. I've been talking to uh- I've been talking to Sarah lot- quite a bit lately. She's been helping me with uh- updating the Sonichu site, since I've uh- since I'm working on uh- it's re-uploading and such.
 '''Cassie:''' K, I believe you. I going to check ''[pronounced like 'sheg']'' it, okay?
 '''Chris:''' You're going to where?
 '''Troll:''' ''[very quietly]'' Check it.
 '''Cassie''': To check it.
 '''Chris''': To "shag-it"? Is that the-
 '''Cassie''': Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' ''[still doesn't understand]'' Oh.
 '''Cassie:''' I going to check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Troll:''' Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, check email. ''[Laughs]'' Yeah I'm sorry I tr- I tried to uh- understand but it just kind of messed up a little bit.
 '''Jack''': Why don- why don't you two speak in Spanish?
 '''Chris''': Uhhh. I'm not exactly fluent.
 '''Cassie:''' ¿Sabes hablar español, Chris? (Do you know how to speak Spanish?)
 '''Chris:''' Sí, hablo español. (Yes, I speak Spanish)
 '''Cassie:''' Oh. ''[pause, one of the trolls says something to her]'' Oh, eso es muy sexy. (That is very sexy.)
 '''Chris''': Ohhhh. Te gusta. Te gusta muchísimo, (You like it. You like it a lot)
 '''Cassie''': La verdad, si. (To tell you the truth, yes)
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Me amos mis amigas muchísimas. Sons muy bueñas! (I love my friends (feminine) a lot. They are very good.) [Correction: Amo a mis amigas muchísimo. Son muy buenas.]
 '''Cassie''':Oh, eso es tan cool en español! Muy bueno! (That's so cool in Spanish! Very good)
 '''Chris''': Muy bueño (very good)
 '''Cassie''': Aha, exacto. (it is!)
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]'' Okay, that's good.
 '''Cassie''': Well, I going down, okay?
 '''Chris''': Okay, you're going down- by the way, let me ask ya Cassie, do you ever- you've uh- you've actually met uh Sarah May in person, haven't you?
 '''Cassie''': Not. She's on Internet.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Okay. That's cool- but anyway uh- you got- you d- you have my Wii number, uh- you can reply the email with your Wii number and it'll be registered on the Wii network.
 '''Cassie:''' ''[very haltingly]'' Yes. So. Cool. Talk with you Chris. You are so cool.
 '''Chris:''' Heh. Uhhhh. You flatter me. Tù me flatteray. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Cassie:''' ''[Weak laugh]'' Well, see you.
 '''Chris:''' Adíos.
 '''Cassie:''' Adíos.
 '''Chris:''' ''[In his 'baby voice']'' Adíos. ''[sigh]''
 '''Cassie:''' Adíos, bebé.
 '''Chris:''' Adíos, chiquita bonita. ''[Laughs]''
 [Pause as audio cuts out]
 '''Chris:''' -it again.
 [Another pause]
 '''Clyde:''' So anyway, Chris. I've been working on Rabbichoso for a day and uh- I was just wonderin' like, it's- it's supposed to compete with Sonichu, you know? If you weren't aware of that.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh. I grabbed onto d- grabbed onto i- grabbed onto the gist. I'm aware- I'm aware of the just of the theory. Uh. I'm aw- I'm aware that you're tryin' to compete.
 '''Clyde:''' You know what competition does. It's drives uh- it drives consumer interest- ''[muffled]''- that's why I'm trying to help dude. You know, compete. Just so you're aware of this, OK?
 '''Chris''': I see. -see.
 [Pause]

===Rabbichoso And Animu===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris we've been ge- been getting uh threatening images from the Pickle Man. Did you s- did you see the left?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I've not heard from the Pickle Man in lo- in a long time.
 '''Troll''': Apparently there are multiple ones because this one is, uh, not a darkie.
 '''Chris''': Uh-huh.
 '''Troll''': It's good that they're leaving you alone now.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Jack''': Seems like they found more easier targets. Seeing as how you became [[Navy|saltier]].
 '''Chris''': Uh. You know I originally got that quote from an e- ep- episode of ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': From what?
 '''Chris''': ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': Oh, ExCel Saga. Oh, yeah, that's a good anime.
 '''Chris''': ''[Quotes ExCel saga. Can't understand what he's saying]''
 '''Troll:''' Uh, have you ever seen two animes, ''[muffled]'' and Schooldays?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I have not seen either of those. I like Steel Angel Kurumi as well.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris, how much Japanese do you know?
 '''Chris''': Only a little bit. I'm not totally fluent. I can say that with all honesty.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something in Japanese]''
 '''Chris''': Huh?
 '''Clyde:''' Never mind, you won't understand it.
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear] Chris-Chan. Thank you desu ga [sic]''

===Chris Could Kill Clyde===

 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, I just wanted to say, uh, you're doing a good job, like, keeping calm even though Clyde is here. I mean u- I thought you'd be, like, more angry at him.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm being calm with you guys.
 '''Troll''': -I would have been choking him by now.
 '''Other Troll''': I'd have kicked his ass.
 '''Chris''': Preach to the choir. Pr-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I'd make him choke on a pickle if it were up to me.
 '''Clyde:''' You guys can't touch me otherwise I'd kick all your asses. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, bring it.
 '''Troll:''' Chris could kick Clyde's ass anytime.
 '''Clyde:''' Let's see Chris do it.
 '''Chris''': Bring it to me any day of the week and I'll definitely show him a hard- day's night.
 '''Troll''': Yeah I think you could kick his ass.
 [Trolls and Clyde talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' ''[Sings]'' -been a hard day's night...
 '''Clyde:''' -never mind, just...
 '''Chris''': I mean that as a- meant that as in I would beat... him up.
 '''Troll''': Kick his ass?
 '''Chris''': I'm very strong.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. I'm gonna see you later, OK?
 ''[Unison of goodbyes]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' OK see ya. Thank you so much Chris.
 '''Chris:''' ''[ignoring his fans]'' Yeah I can- I can lift about my weight.
 '''Troll:''' Like um- if Clyde were right in front of you, what would you do to him?
 '''Clyde:''' Like, what kind of style of fighting do you have?
 '''Troll:''' Hey, shut up.
 '''Clyde:''' I gotta know my competition.
 '''Chris:''' Personal- in the physical offense. ''[sigh]'' I would definitely be giving you so much physical pain.
 '''Clyde:''' That's not a s- that's not a style.
 '''Chris''': I would beat you up.
 '''Troll''': He deserves it man.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, that's still not a style...
 '''Jack:''' He uses fisticuffs. He's a gentleman. Gentleman fisticuffs.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever, I'll just see-
 '''Troll''': Stop arguing and just-
 '''Other Troll:''' ''[Over previous troll]'' I mean, if he did that to my sweetheart I'd fucking kill him.
 '''Clyde:''' Well. He's not- he's not going to come over and kill me, I know that. He doesn't have the money. [pause] You know I'm surprised that you're mad here. You're much kinder in person I thought you- Now I'm just expecting you at my door anytime, just waiting for you to stand here with an axe or something.
 '''Chris:''' Knives are too messy.
 '''Clyde:''' Ah, now a sword- sword's are usually better.
 '''Troll:''' What about poison?
 '''Clyde:''' Poison's good, poison's good.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde, what- do you want him to beat your ass?
 '''Clyde:''' No I was just expecting it, you know.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, you know what's another thing? I would definitely not tell you how I would be hurting you, but I would definitely give you a who- big amount of pain.
 '''Troll''': Oh, he's gonna keep you guessin'!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he deserves it. After everything he's done-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Muffled by troll]'' -going to kill me, I'd like to know.
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I'm just going to let you cover in- worry.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh so you're never going to show up, it's-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Oh yes I will show up. But you just won't be expecting it.
 '''Clyde:''' You don't even know where I live, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Find out!
 '''Clyde:''' Maybe I should give you my address.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, you should track him down and kick his ass.
 '''Clyde:''' But I'm going to leave you guessing too...
 '''Troll:''' Defend Panda's h- Panda's honor.
 '''Other Troll:''' Hey Julie.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, hi Julie.
 '''Clyde:''' 'sup Julie.
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Hey Julie.
 ''[Everyone talks over each other]''

===Clyde's A Dick===

 '''Chris''': Yeah I notice her mic doesn't work. But still I'm just letting her know that- acknowledge her presence.
 '''Troll:''' You're doing well staying calm even though Clyde's here.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, Clyde's a total dick.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Troll''': Fucker.
 ''[Rustling]''
 '''Troll''': I mean, he's taken over everything. The IRC. This. I can't- no one can stop him.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]'' -over there, so...
 '''Female Troll''': I- I like Rabbichoso.
 '''Clyde:''' Of course you do. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Female Troll''': It's funny.
 '''Chris''': I will not offer any new comment on it.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, OK.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, when can we expect the next Sonichu to be released.
 '''Troll''': Yeah, we've been eager.
 '''Chris''': It'll be soon. It will be soon.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah just ignore Clyde man.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean if you're going to put a hard date on it, you'd better deliver your promise. If you don't, I'll strike harder. That's all I'm saying.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. You're saying if I don't set a date, you're gonna...
 '''Clyde:''' No, no. I'm saying don't make promises you can't keep. Don't make promises you can't keep.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll''': He'll choke you with his medallion bitch!
 ''' Other Troll''': Yeah, who the hell do you think you are?
 '''Clyde:''' I agree with Cogs over there. Maybe you should do just a page a day, not release all at once. Keep his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you telling him this when he hates you?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm giving him suggestions man, OK? OK?
 '''Troll''': Only thing he's gonna suggest to you is 'shut the fuck up'!
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, seriously man.
 '''Chris''': It's alright.
 (pause)
 '''Troll:''' Penny Arcade's slow.
 '''Polly:''' Oh you mean like Penny Arcade or ''[unclear]'' or MegaTokyo?
 '''Troll''': Yeah they're just like- boring. Then they because sellouts.

===Chris's Country Cookin===

 '''Other Troll:''' Chris, where's your favorite place to eat?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. Can't really say uh- but I like country cookin'.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah?
 '''Other Troll''': What's country cooking?
 '''Chris''': Uh no G's in the sto- no G's in the name by the way, no G.
 '''Troll''': Yeah what's country cooking? I'm not familiar with that.
 '''Chris:''' It's like uh- som- something like Golden Corral.
 '''Jack:''' But Golden Corral is a national franchise.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Polly:''' Uh Chris, how are your parents?
 '''Chris:''' They're OK.
 '''Polly:''' Oh OK.
 [Long pause]

===Sex Is Shit===

 '''Clyde:''' Chris I've got a sug- another suggestion. Now be quiet all of you cause I know you hate me. Just-
 '''Troll:''' No, Chris hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' Well don't defend him. He can defend himself OK? He's a man. But whatever-
 '''Chris:''' Let him speak.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm suggesting that- you go on and on about this sex stuff but you've never gotten laid, have you?
 '''Chris:''' I like to put myself in the imaginative situation that I'd like to be in and the sexual stimulation. So I can be ready for [[ego|myself]] for when I do actually have my first time.
 '''Clyde:''' Well my first time was- I'll just say that it's terrible, OK? I didn't know what I was doing, she didn't know-
 '''Chris:''' Let me guess, you prematurely ejaculated?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no, it's not like that you don't know what to do. Every woman's told me OK? You can't prepare-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Clyde]'' First time's always awkward...
 '''Clyde:''' -I learnt that mistake a while back, OK whatever. OK, you just- you can't prepare for your first time. You might as well just have a really bad first time so you learn from your mistakes.
 '''Troll:''' I'm not trying to defend Clyde or anything, but yeah it's kinda true.
 '''Clyde:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll:''' The girl I first fell in love with is the girl I'm married to right now. Samantha just changed my world. But marriage does get boring.

===Chris's Tips To STAY STRAIGHT===

 '''Troll:''' Chris, I know how you say how important it is to stay straight, um- I'm having trouble staying straight, do you have any suggestions?
 '''Chris''': Watch a bunch of pornography with uh- with naked women. OK, a lot of naked women.
 '''Troll''': That happened to me one time...
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, I have this friend I play video games with, is that gay? He's male by the way.
 '''Chris''': Sorry could you- I'm sorry could you repeat that?
 '''Falsion''': I have this guy I'm friends with he always comes over to my house to play video games. Is that gay? I'm kinda scared. You know? I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Hmm. Is he making any advances towards you? Personally.
 '''Falsion''': I dunno how to tell.
 '''Chris''': Like uh sit- does he always sit next to you when he's playing games. Playing video games.
 '''Falsion''': Yeah he usually does.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I see. Hmm. My- well- my suggestion in that case, would be to keep a heavy distance between you and that guy.
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he meant anything gay by it though.
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he means anything like- gay about it.
 '''Chris''': Well, still- it's always best to find out- you can ask him. Don't be afraid to ask him.
 '''Falsion''': What would you do in this situation?
 '''Chris''': Well if he said yes then I would uh- basically- let me think about that a moment.
 '''Falsion''': Do you have any friends who're are like, guys?
 '''Chris''': Only acquaintances and only a few of them.
 '''Falsion''': Do you play video games with people or anything? Do they come over to your house?
 '''Chris:''' No. No.
 '''Polly:''' Um, I remember-
 '''Falsion:''' ''[Cuts Polly off]'' I'm just worried I might be gay or something. I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Jack:''' You probably are Falsion, but that's OK. No, look dude.
 '''Chris''': Leave him alone! Leave him alone! He's straight!
 '''Jack''': Why?
 '''Troll''': Hey, let's have a calm conversation here. Let's not have any fights.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah.
 ''[Trolls speak over each other]''
 '''Troll''': I've been reading the Sonichu comics and man, they are page-turners! Seri- I was on- I was on the edge of my seat for a while. I ju- I couldn't- I couldn't- you know. Just had to read and read.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Thank you.
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, can I be your friend? I know I'm a guy. I don't mean anything gay by it. Can I be your friend?
 '''Chris''': Mm. I dunno.

===A Wild Snorlax Appears===

 '''Barbara:''' Do you want any hotdogs?
 '''Chris''': No, I'm OK.
 '''Falsion''': No?
 '''Chris''': I was talking with my mother.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I was wondering if I could be your friend.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Mmm.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I h- heard you only like, you only like to be acquaintances. With guys.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, ummm. Let's just pretty much leave it at acquaintance.
 '''Jack:''' Hello Mrs. Chandler.
 '''Chris''': She can't hear you, I'm wearing my earphones.
 '''Falsion''': Listen, I'm not gay. I don't- you know- yeah. Nevermind.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I mean- I mea- I-
 '''Clyde:''' What do you have against gay people? I'm serious to hear this.
 '''Chris:''' It's just unnatural and it's against God's will.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, it's not like it's a choice. You can't change who you are like- you're a creative guy but I mean they're just gay. They can't change that.
 '''Chris:''' I'm just answering a few questions mother.
 '''Barbara:''' You don't have to answer. Nobody's payin' you to do that.
 '''Jack''': Yes they are.
 ''[shuffling sounds, clanging]''
 '''Barbara:''' It ain't none of their business no-way.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Barbara:''' I wouldn't be asked questions like that by employers or anybody. Don't tell people what you d- what you think. Keep that to yourself.
 '''Troll:''' Chris what's hap- what's happening?
 '''Chris:''' Well, obviously, my mother is offering her input.
 '''Jack:''' Tell her you're just talking to some friends.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[muffled]'' I don't need no back talk from somebody on the other end of the phone.
 '''Chris:''' I hear you, Mom. Hmm. Hmm.
 ''[scraping sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' These- these idiots don't have any brains or- they don't have any idea this way or that.
 ''[more banging, clanging and tumbling sounds. Sounds like washing up]''
 '''Troll:''' Is right now a bad time right now? I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Pixelblocks, Pixelblocks!
 '''Jack:''' Someone's saying "Pixelblocks."
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you saying [[Pixelblocks]]?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]''
 ''[Chris's mom has been singing]''
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful singing voice, Chris.
 [Audio cuts]
 '''Barbara:''' ''[Audio cuts back in]'' -all the anxiety, causing you stress.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well sometimes they don't; they can be peaceful.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, your mom and dad get the crappy end of the stick.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a lot of us do.
 ''[more clattering sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' Yeah, just like this nasty mess over here that you guys left that I got to clean up.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. ''[Audio cuts]'' -Yeah, I took care of my bills. I mean, not completely, but I took care of them.
 '''Troll:''' What about going to, uh, Redmond?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:'''We! (Wii?)
 [unintelligible, windows beeps]
 '''Troll:''' ''[laughing]'' Yeah, sweetheart pool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Mmhmm. ''[laughing]'' Like the other side of the pillow.
 ''[someone sighing. Clanging noises return after short absence]''
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]'' ...is all, I mean, living with your parents is okay bad-in today's bad economy, but at 26, come on.
 '''Troll:''' Shut up, you.
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I'm being nice.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde isn't so bad a guy. He does bad things, but he's pretty cool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah he's reformed. He's seen the error- Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' How- how could he do that to Sarah? I mean- That's not right.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah. Well, that's like Luke... That's like Luke and Laura from General Hospital. I know that's like, before y'all's time, but, um... Luke was a rapist and she-he raped Laura and then, like, a few months later they get married. So... ''[Laughs]''
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, I believe Clyde was trying to make amends from his past actions.
 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, but Chris, can you uh- can you forgive him?
 '''Random Troll:''' ''[whispering]'' White whale, holy grail!
 '''Troll:''' Can you forgive a small-dicked Asian? Just a thought.
 '''Jack:''' He's not Asian!
 '''Clyde:''' I'm half-Asian, okay? My parents ''[unclear]'' I don't really wanna go into it. It's too bo-boring for you people. But this is why I ''[unclear]''.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you there? Just makin' sure, buddy.
 ''[clattering]''
 '''Troll''': Move out.
 '''Another Troll''': Well, how do I do that?
 '''Troll''': What?
 '''Chris:''' Hi there, my kitty. ''[In baby voice]'' Yes, there's a pretty kitty.
 ''[Someone speaking with a voice-synth]''
 '''Troll:''' Hang on a second. I've got, like, a thousand different... Oh, Crass, why'd you do that?
 '''Jack''': Because. You can unban him but, yeah. I'm not gonna friggin' stand for that.
 ''[Sound of a vacuum cleaner]''
 '''Jack''': I (m j d?) do that.
 '''Troll''': I heard the "g" word.
 '''Polly''': Um, is that a vacuum cleaner?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Yeah, sounds like it is.
 [Trolls speak but are drowned out by vacuum]''
 '''Clyde:''' ...room or something.
 '''Polly:''' I think the vacuum cleaner...
 '''Clyde:''' If that's the government trying to do some kind of thing, then my name's Rusty Shackleford.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.
 '''Polly''': Oh, okay.
 '''Troll''': That's a loud fan.
 '''Other Troll''': I have a fan above my stove, too.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Hey... I do, too.
 '''Clyde:''' Wait- wha- wait. You-you-you're in the kitchen?
 '''Troll''': Me too.
 ''[possibly Sonic game sound effects]''
 '''Max:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Mmhm? Mm.
 '''Max:''' I'm pretty sure it's already asked, but I didn't catch the answer. When can we expect the next Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' I-I-I told you my suggestion of releasing a page a day or something. I mean, it's a pretty good one. It-it-it allows for a good time. Finish a page a day. You upload it. You know? It's very good. Works very well.
 ''[Barbara singing]''
 '''Polly:''' Uh. I mean- you guys keep asking when he's going to finish it but I wonder how many pages are going to be in the new one?
 '''Clyde:''' The last one was like, thirty. Just release it over the span of a month. Works fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...go up to ninety thousand...
 '''Clyde:''' ''[mutters something]''
 ''[Sound of Barbara singing]''
 '''Barbara:''' Down by the river...side.
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful voice, Chris.
 ''[clattering, typing]''
 '''Barbara:''' ''[unclear, repeating the same two phrases]'' Gone down by the river, down by the water side, down by the riverside. Down by the waterside. Down by the riverside.
 '''Polly:''' I remember ''[unclear]''
 ''[Audio cuts]''
 '''Troll:''' -I'm hungry myself.
 ''[some kind of alarm sounding]''
 '''Max:''' Then go eat.
 '''Troll:''' No, you.
 '''Max:''' I already ate.

===Anime And Shit===

 '''Polly:''' I wonder what anime Chris watches nowadays. There's not many on television but do you still watch Japanese cartoons?
 '''Troll:''' ''[In a bad accent]'' Kawaii desu ne.
 '''Other Troll:''' I want to watch Shuffle. He said it was very good. He said it was sad. I don't know if I wanna watch- I don't like sad stuff. I like to be happy when I watch anime.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, and um, do you watch stuff like Bleach and um Code Geass or Naruto or something?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Other Troll:''' I'm glad to hear that Shuffle isn't sad. I'm definitely going to watch it sometime.
 '''Troll:''' Um, yeah Chris that was a good call on Naruto.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah there's a lot of people who don't like it much either. Too popular.
 '''Troll:''' But please. Please. Hope. ''[audio cuts out briefly]'' Uh, Chris, please consider When They Cry.
 '''Other Troll''': Ooh, I saw that one. It was a really good series.
 '''Troll''': Oh, I know; that was good, like-
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah. Both seasons of it.
 ''[Windows beeps, voices overlapping]''
 '''Troll:''' I could link you to Season One if you want. Yeah, Samantha got me into that.
 '''Other Troll:'''...you'll give it a try, Chris. It's a very, very good series.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Hm. Hey, Julie. How are you?
 '''Other Troll:''' ...lots of ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': Watch Shuffle. You got the six episodes of Shuffle or... Which o- which anime? I'm sorry.
 '''Troll''': Oh and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is also cool.
 '''Polly:''' I really liked JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Very ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Za warudo!
 '''Troll:''' Oh yeah, I think Shuffle is quite all right. I like Heidi. She's sweet and loyal.
 '''Other Troll:''' That's a good one. One of my favorites is Black Lagoon.
 '''Polly:''' Um, is that the one with the blue girl?
 ''[Trolls talk over each other about different anime]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, uh, Chris can I, my, uh, I don't know if it's all right, but, like, could you like, give me an email sometime? I could, uh... recommend you to... this anime that... Polly and... Julie like to watch. They're quite- they... Oh, C-and Cogs has recommended such great anime.
 '''Chris:''' ''[talking to his mother]'' Yeah? That's ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': As well as Julie-Julie's the person that got me into anime.

===People Love Poketunes===

 '''Chris:''' -we can go into this later cause I got my headphones on. And, Mom, you know what something else? They liked your singing.
 '''Barbara:''' What? I don't sing.
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' That's my laugh; that's my laugh. They couldn't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' They heard you. Singin'. Just now.
 '''Barbara:''' I can't sing!
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' I'm tone deaf.
 '''Chris:''' They just heard you singing, and liked your voice.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay. Did you write checks for all those bills and pack everything ''[unclear]''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yes, Mother, I did.
 '''Barbara:''' You're not telling me no story?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not telling you no story.
 '''Barbara:''' OK. It's important [''inaudible''] did you pay them?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I paid that one.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay, you have to be honest with me, 'cause, see, you're settin'...
 '''Chris:''' I'm being honest, I'm being honest.
 '''Barbara:''' How you respond to what [we] talk about. You say you ought to something and you don't do it then that's gonna change my ideas ''[unclear]''.
 '''Chris:''' Okay... I'll be sure to pay the remaining differences next month.
 '''Barbara:''' No, this month.
 '''Chris:''' I know but I couldn't pay them all with 90 dollars so there's still some left ''[sound cuts]'' ...oh, you're cooking them up here, okay, that's why you turned the fan on over the stove.
 [Audio cuts]
 ''[Trolls rejoice and mock Momma Chandler]''

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 1|Mumble Chat 1]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]|}}

==See also==
*[[Spanish]]
==Links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?mtnztmniomk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Mumble 2

2010-07-27T19:56:58Z

Lucian: /* Waiting for Chris */

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|180px|In Mumble 2, a Wild [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]] appeared.]]

'''Mumble 2''' is the second [[Mumble]] chat that took place on 4 [[February 2009]]. More than an hour long.

This is a more organized Q&A type chat than [[Mumble 1]]. Questions from [[Clyde]] about [[sex]] in the [[comic]] and interesting tidbits about how Chris believes sex is the same as romance. This is pretty hard hitting, with stuff like how Chris is into [[McDonald's|fast food]] yet he's against tobacco. A lot of drama involving Clyde.

Length: '''1:49:17'''

==Summary==

===Notes===
* Chris doesn't like Clyde because he stole his sweetheart.
* Audio cuts out for a minute before Chris says: "...HYMEN!" (You broke her hymen)
* Trolls claim [[Panda]] is with Clyde, Chris wants to hear her voice, they say she's busy
* 'She and I WERE very close'
* Chris didn't have $400-$800 to go and see Panda; claims he got this number from an airport website recommended by [[Miyamoto]]
* Insists on [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] being in ''[[Animal Crossing]]''
* Doesn't want to talk about his deal with them
* Insists that he doesn't have to turn down his radio since his voice is louder (''it is horribly loud in the mic'')
* Panda gave Clyde all of the sites, etc.
* [[Sarah]] is going to be with Clyde, which Chris wants to deny
* These motherfuckers keep talking over each other
* Calls a troll's critique crap
* [[Bubbles]] must be aroused, she isn't wet all the time
* Bubbles is 90% water so does sperm just swim around forever? NO
* Clyde: This is a children's comic, why so much sex?
: '''Chris:''' It is romance. My best artwork is when they're making out 'romantic moments', drawn in protest to trolls. Shows that [[Rosechu]]s have vaginas, not [[duck]]s.
* Admits to maybe going overboard
* Trolls try to reason with him about the [[ED]] article: There wouldn't be an article if he didn't react like he does.
* Trolls say that TV-Y7 means NO SEX but Chris points to romantic anime that have making out (cartoons are for kids, whatever the content).
* Trolls talk about Japan being less strict about those things
* Everyone gets to vote in [[CWCville]], even if they're [[Niggos|black]].
* Got his idea from [[Mary Poppins]].
* Troll tries to give historical background about cough medicine putting kids to sleep. Chris insists it was the lullaby that put them to sleep.
* Discussion about Chris, 'gay message' sent by a troll
* He calls Clyde a scoundrel
* BELIEVE HIM HE IS STRAIGHT
* Chris tries to speak Mexican at 20:50
* Mexican speaks Mexican to him... he replies in Menglish
* [[4-cent_garbage]] is located in Mexico
* Someone says that he needs to improve his Mexican
* Chris is against smoking, CWCville is smoke and alcohol free
* Rehash of why [[tobacky]] is bad, his position on it, alcohol=bar fights
* Chris's dad smoked and had several bypasses, has a pacemaker and has had heart attacks
* Mention of his hair cuttings for his fans
* Chris was doing math in his head, got in car crash.
* Chris has taken college level math. Took trigonometry.
* Trolls gang up on Clyde for stealing Panda
* Time will tell when Chris will make the money he would have in the Nintendo deal
* Trolls bash Clyde for his pot smoking
* Chris doesn't watch news because it's bad news =(
* Bashing of the Mexican
* Chris can type 30 to 100 WPM, but can't type and talk at the same time
* Chris says [[PSN]] is free though Clyde(?) points to the $1,000 Chris spent on PSN
* Chris has been typing for 15 minutes now and it is VERY loud
* Chris has been busy IRL therefore the comic release doesn't have a date
* Someone points to nudes on [[YouTube]].
* He does not have it on the YouTube, but he isn't going to take it anymore.
* Claims some of the photos are photoshopped.
* Clyde offers help to take ED page down.
* Chris denies taking those pictures, doesn't want to talk about it, making him uncomfortable.
* Some of the pictures are real. When questioned which ones are fake, Chris can't answer.
* Chris hates Harry Potter because it was in competition with [[Pokémon]]!
* Chris is too stressed to read Vivian's [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|book]], but he likes the cover!
* Polly, who has been talking the whole time is confronted by Chris who thinks she is a guy. Polly is upset. Chris apologizes.
* [[Jimmy Hill]] has launched his Sonichu show
* More Mexican talk at 55:10
* Chris giggles and sighs happily when Cassie, another Mexican, compliments him and when she leaves he says 'Chiquita Bonita'
* Rabbichoso talk (Sonichu.info)
* Classic trolls are leaving Chris alone.
* Chris likes Steel Angel Kurumi (''quote from [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Angel_Kurumi Wikipedia]: often classified as ecchi due to the focus on fanservice and panty shots'')
* Chris claims to be very strong, could beat Clyde up. Says he would show Clyde a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Hard Day's Night]], and would give Clyde pain.
* ShinyMarshtomp makes an appearance? Likes Rabbichoso
* Chris likes to eat at [[Country Cookin]] (''like Golden Corral'')
* Chris likes to imagine his first time.
* Clyde says the first time is awful, Chris said it was because Clyde prematurely ejaculated
* Watch porn with naked women to cure your gay
* Guys sitting next to you = gay coming on to you
* Falsion has been in the chat room and is afraid he is gay
* A wild Snorlax appears

==Transcript==
Polly: Aww, he left.
Troll:''[unintelligible]'' we got your email address Chris.
===Waiting for Chris===
 '''Polly:''' I can't wait to hear Chris! I'm a huge fan!
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, goddamn these noodles are fantastic. Man, I wish I could eat like this everyday.
 '''Troll:''' Have you eaten the rice balls?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no. These are noodles. These are-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Fan-fucking-tastic.
 '''Clyde:''' Now they're all gone, it's fantastic, you know?
 '''Troll:''' Sweetangie is Chris. Or, we think so.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is him.
 '''Clyde:''' It's definitely not the real Chris.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm disappointed there's so many impostors out there. Kinda my fault, but, you know, if it weren't- ''[unintelligible]'' -hard to come by.
 '''Troll:''' His mic was working last time he was here, just fine.
 '''Troll:''' He usually capitalizes his words, like in every sentence.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I don't think this is- I don't think this is him.
 '''Troll:''' Is it set to push to talk or something?
 '''Polly:''' Um...
 '''Troll:''' You better get us your email address Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah its push to talk. It's called push to talk.
 '''Troll:''' No, just have him set it to voice activity. It works so much better that way.
 '''Jack''': You guys are fucking idiots.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other again]''
 '''Troll:''' You guys scared him off by being guys.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, you fucking jackasses. Nice going.
 '''Troll:''' Was that even the real...?
 '''Troll:''' Yes, that was the real Chris.
 '''Troll:''' He's too much of a pussy to talk.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, cause you scared him, or some- No, or he's too stupid to be.
 ''[Trolls Laugh]''

===Chris Arrives===
 '''Chris:''' ''[Chris arrives, with radio playing loudly]'' Hello.
 ''[Trolls all greet him]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, now-
 '''Troll:''' Why haven't you got your microphone working?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why my microphone [is] messed up.
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry, but we had an impostor here before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm registered. I've got myself registered now. So, uh, hopefully-
 '''Troll:''' That's probably why. It had to like, uh- calibrate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, I'm calibrated now.
 '''Clyde:''' So, Chris, have you seen Rabbichoso, it's fantastic.
 '''Chris:''' I don't give a crap about your stupid pencil sketch.
 ''[Audio cuts out]''
 '''Chris:''' I am not listening. I do not have to listen to ''you''.
 '''Clyde:''' Why, I'm not understanding [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Well for one thing,and i'll say it on here, you stole my sweetheart!
 ''[Cutout continues]''

===PandaHalo, Trip to Redmond and Animal Crossing===
 '''Chris:''' You broke her hymen!
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I know it's a terrible mistake, but I plan to make it up to her. I'm getting married and uh- I'm doing the things I should do.
 '''Chris:''' Oh and another thing, if she is really over there with you now, then put her on the mic. Please.
 '''Jack''': She's not- He never said-
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, she's very busy, OK. She's very busy.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Clyde:''' She's not over here right now. Okay? So lets drop it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, fine. Well could you tell her to please send me a message lettin' me know, for sure, so I can know- so I can know to-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' I'll let her know whatever you want, but it's her life. She doesn't have to send you a message. You failed her. You failed her.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' She and I were very close.
 '''Clyde:''' If you we're so close, then why didn't you go?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Because I had- Aw, hang on a second. How do I- oh, that's right. This thing. Right. Mmm. Hold on a sec. Oh yeah, because I did not have four to eight hundred dollars!
 '''Clyde:''' It doesn't cost that much to go cross-country man.
 '''Chris:''' Yes it does. I know, I saw it on an airport website. Where I was be- Where I was- recommended to me by Mr. Miyamoto.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, you can drive there. It's not that hard.
 '''Troll:''' What happened with that? I thought, um, didn't you have a deal with them or something? I heard a rumor that your characters were going to be in Animal Crossing.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they are in Animal Crossing. And I did- and I do- I did have a deal with them.
 '''Troll:''' What happened though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' I'd rather not say.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.

===Chris's Radio, Clyde and Criticism===
 '''Troll:''' Chris, why don't you turn down the TV? It's hard to hear you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Annoyed sigh]'' I do not have a TV turned on in here.
 '''Troll:''' I can hear it.
 '''Chris:''' I have a radio.
 '''Troll:''' I hear something in the background.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Burping throughout sentence]'' Well that's the- that would b- the radio. And it is not that loud.
 '''Troll:''' But it shows up pretty well on your microphone mic. With due respect.
 '''Chris:''' But still, my voice is louder than the radio.
 '''Troll:''' Ah goo- ahh given.
 '''Polly:''' Uh, Chris? Uh, when are you going to do the new Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something over Polly]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]'' Uh, I'll answer Polly's question. I'm not sure. It's, uh, it's in progress right now, I'm drawing it up.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I can't wait to read it!
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, we'll see.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Troll:''' Listen, Clyde kind of has admin on here, so we can't really do anything about him. So, yeah. I don't know.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Hard to hear over Chris's radio]'' ...with you guys. I love you guys. Just as much as Chris loves you guys. Right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I was angry. I was angry. But I'm calm now.
 '''Troll:''' Don't try to hurt any other person from now on.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have much- I do not have much to say in response to that right now. Because I'm ticked off.
 '''Troll:''' Don't let him get to you.
 '''Troll:''' You're no better than he is, if you give in.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[Huge sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris, I just wanted to let you know I'm a huge fan of the comics, and I'm glad you keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job, and just keep it up, alright man?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I appreciate the, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? The, the, uh- well, the encouraging words. Encouragement. I appreciate the encouragement. Well, there are things, uh- I- er- current events I do not appreciate. I appreciate the positive encouragement.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I can't really do anything. He took over the IRC channel. I used to be the owner. I mean Clyde. He's like taking over everything.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, it was because Panda gave it to me, you know. But anyway, I mean, you can't just listen to encouragement, you've got to listen to criticism, man. Criticisms are what make you better, you learn from your mistakes. You learn from mistakes.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Troll:''' Be right back guys, my wife is calling.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't- I don't- Tons of people don't like the Rabbichoso art style, but you know, I gotta improve on that. That's something I plan to improve on. There's a lot of criticism in the [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|death of Sonichu]], right?
 '''Chris:''' What? What did you just say?
 '''Clyde:''' There's a lot of criticism of Sonichu. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. For a moment there I thought you said something different.
 '''Clyde:''' What, what did you think I said? I'm just saying, there are people who like it and people who don't like it. You gotta start taking in those suggestions. You know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. So many things that will be improved upon. But, I just have to hear from Sarah herself that she really is going to be with you, Clyde. I have to hear it from herself. It's one thing to hear it from you and then it's- then on that note, it's just I find it very hard to believe. So I have to hear it from her.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, I kinda think that Rabbichoso sucks. I mean, I think it could be funny, but it honestly looks like it's drawn by a kindergartener.
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Troll:''' I mean, Sonichu has evolved over the years. You can see that the art's getting better. Rabbichoso doesn't even look like something a beginner would do, honestly. I mean, ''[Interrupted]''
 '''Chris:''' A whole bunch of crap!
 ''[Everyone starts talking at once]''
 '''Polly:''' Also, Sonichu is in color.
 '''Clyde:''' I know, I accept his criticism. But you just called it crap! Now that's just rude.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I have emotions going behind me- uh, behind that opinion.

===Cassie===
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, did you get my message.
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Clyde:''' Aren't you going to be the gentleman, then? Aren't you gonna be the gentleman?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I just want to ask you, Chris. I'm Cassie's friend. She- she's worried sick about you. Why haven't you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' I did email her! As a- I- I haven't gotten any re-plies from her. I have emailed her and I have instant messaged her on A.I.M. and Skype. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what's going on there.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' ...you emailed her.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' When was the last time you emailed her?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll check.
 '''Polly:''' Um, Chris? I have a question. My fa- One of my favorite new characters is, um, Simonla, and like, I also like Zapina as well. Um, are they gonna have bigger parts in the series later on?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
 '''Polly:''' Um, I was wondering if Simonla and Zapina will either have bigger parts in the series later on.
 '''Chris:''' [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|Possibly]]. Possibly, but, uh, I can't say for sure. Oh, and, uh, to answer your question, uh- in answer to, uh, I believe, uh, Screwhead, who asked? It was about four days ago. About four days ago.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Yeah. Four days ago? Okay, I'll tell her to check it out.
 '''Chris:''' The last email I sent was about four days ago.
 '''Troll:''' She'll contact you in a while, though.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' I'll tell her to check it out and- and thanks Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Mm.

===Bubbles's Pussy and Sex in the Comics===
 '''Troll:''' Hey, Chris? I have a question.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, my favorite character is Bubbles, I kinda liked the, uh, the thing she had going with Blake, where she was kind of keeping the relationship secret. I thought that was kinda clever. I was wondering, uh, she's a water-type, so does that mean that her vagina is always wet, or does she have to be aroused like a normal woman?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, aroused. That's applied for all the, uh, Rosechus there. And also, like, you know, she's not just a water-type, she's also- she's a water- and electric-type, like uh- oh, shoot- What's the name of that one? Originated from Gold-Silver-Crystal series, uh, evolves from Chinchou? Lanturn. And she has, uh, she has Volt Absorb ability.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, Chris, another question following Bubbles. Uh, her body is 90% water, and now this thing about the whole sexual intercourse- about it. Now, don't take this rude, and you don't need to answer me...
 '''Chris:''' No, that's fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...I totally respect your creative work. My wife actually got me into this, uh, show actually. So, what happens is- like, as you know, like, semens are like little fishes in themselves. Would that mean, I mean, would they actually have a route to fly into the egg, in theory, or do they just swim around her whole body, just forever just swimming around.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. The, uh, the internal or- the internal organs uh, for the Rosechus are pretty much the same thing, so I'd say pre- about, uh, as good chance as most any other mammal.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, so you mean she's able to control her density a little bit more. She- I understand now. She's able to control more her density from the 90% water. Okay. That pretty much answers it just perfectly. That's been bothering me at work. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I got another question, Chris, about this whole sexual thing. I mean, this is a children's comic, right? Why is there so much sex in it?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. It's called romance, and my- and my- if you'll notice throughout the comics my best pieces of artwork among which were those where dey were kissing and making out. Romantic moments.
 '''Clyde:''' There's a hidden page-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' And because- and because- and because of the tension from, uh, the trolls and Encyclopedia Dramatica, I just felt like doing that in protest against them.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, but childre-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' Yes but how is that really a protest? That, you know, you know, are, are you like referencing to the 60's when women burned their bras? That was in protes- That was feminism. Saying that they weren't slaves to men. Do you even understand the whole thing?
 ''[Multiple voices are heard at once]''
 '''Chris:''' Now, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about, I never really thought about that when I-
 '''Jack''' ''[Interrupting Chris]'' Then how is, stripping was, how was that protest-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Interrupting Jack]'' It shows that they have vaginas and NOT dicks.
 '''Jack''' Well you know the dick thing was the fact that they were just, you know, mocking you. I think you went overboard with that.
 '''Chris:''' Well maybe I did. Maybe I did.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you did, because that seems kind of excessive, kind of-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Interrupts]'' I don't think they would have even bothered to write about an article about you if you didn't just keep reacting like that.

===Chris justifies sex in a kids' comic===

 '''Troll:''' I have another question.
 '''Troll:''' The point some of us are trying to make is, if it's TV-Y7 that means there should really be no sex in it at all.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unintelligible over other people]''
 '''Chris:''' That's pretty much incorrect, I mean, uh, there's so many romantic anime that's TV-Y7, and they shoul- they have making out.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, a lot of things in Japan, Japan has stricter standards-not stricter, I mean looser guidelines than America. It's much different.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, I was just wondering what Bubbles, um, she has a, that water whirlwind attack, I was just curious if you had any plans to make-
 '''Chris:''' ''[Butting in]'' By the way, that was a Whirl- Whirlpool.
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, Whirlpool, sorry, sorry, Whirlpool, but do you have any plans to mix an, uh, Electric-type attack with that, since water conducts electricity, right? It could be a very powerful-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah, she did, she did an electric attack amongst the- the walls of that Whirlpool and she let out. In case you didn't know, there's a- little bits of lightning bolts among which-
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, I'm sor- I didn't notice that, I'm sorry, I'll go take another look. Thank you.
 '''Max?:''' Hey Chris-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max?:''' You make some pretty sweet Little Big Planet levels.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.

===Chris on Benadryl babysitting===

 '''Clyde:''' Oh, there's a message from Cogs on the side, it's about, uh, do women not have the right to vote already in CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' No, evry- Everybody, no matter what age, no matter what gender or race, everybody has the right to vote in CWCville. Even if they're black.
 '''Clyde:''' Then what's up with the "Votes for Women" thing, I was-
 '''Troll:''' Not just vote women, but- ''[interrupted]'' any other ethnicities, and gays?
 '''Troll:''' I don't understand-
 '''Chris:''' I did that- heard it in Mary Poppins.
 '''Jack:''' What? Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, man, Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Mary Poppins.
 '''Polly:''' I remember that movie.
 '''Troll:''' Aw, yeah, that movie.
 '''Chris:''' It's a classic. It's my favorite movie of all time.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that movie was, like, based in the 1900s.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still I- still I agreed with that message there-
 '''Clyde:''' Taken out of context, that makes it seem like CWCville's set in the 1960s.
 '''Jack:''' What message? That children should be given cough medicine so they'll go to sleep?
 '''Chris:''' ''What?''
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, that's what women used to do back in- That's what mothers, friggin' nurses and stuff used to do to kids in the 1900s, is give children, like, you know, cough medicine.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Cause- cause the medicine- uh, correction, the medicine did not put them to sleep, there was a lullaby, not the cough medicine. They only had to take the cough medicine-
 '''Jack:''' No cough medicine-
 '''Chris:''' ...because it rained, before dere, and it was not, and it was to, uh-
 '''Jack:''' Rain means cough medicine doesn't have anything to do with each other. That's not how friggin' germs are spread, or colds are gotten. Colds are gotten through germs, not the rain.
 '''Troll:''' How is cough medicine any different from today's parents that just let their kids watch TV until they fall asleep? I mean, it's just as bad.
 '''Jack:''' Well- Cough medicine has a lot to do with the psychological effects of it. Obviously if you get- if you keep giving fre-
 '''Troll:''' Thanks, Samantha, that was delicious.
 '''Jack:''' What?
 '''Troll:''' It's my, uh, Samantha-
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, that's we're all saying, cause I've heard that there's a lot of different chemicals in cough medicine. You could pick up a ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' I don't even take cough medicine, because I'm not a pussy.
 '''Troll:''' Uh, so.
 '''Troll:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, I never put any references, I never did any references or plan any references to cough medicine or anything of that sort.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Well, Chris, Cassie says the last e-mail she got from you was on the 17th. How 'bout your being gay? Is that true?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' That wa- That was somebody had- That was Clyde hacking through my e-mail and spammed that to my contacts.
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, I definitely did not do that-
 '''Jack:'''You're a scoundrel-
 '''Chris:''' -a slanderous lie.
 '''Clyde:''' I did not do that.
 '''Troll:''' Whoa-whoa-whoa. Wow. Well, thanks for that. She was worried that you were- that you don't like her.
 '''Jack:''' You're a scoundrel, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't do that. That was someone else.
 '''Polly:''' I was wondering, because I've heard other news too, I was really hoping that you weren't gay.
 '''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm straight.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, okay. I'll take your word for it.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. And, uh-
 '''Clyde:''' Cogs- Cogs got a way- she showed us that, okay? I mean, you only ''[unintelligible]''

===Chris's fail-riffic Spanish===

 '''Troll:''' So, Chris.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Troll:''' Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, Screwhead's from Mexico. I heard you like Spanish, so.
 '''Troll:''' Hola, Chris.
 '''Troll:''' You know Spanish, right?
 '''Chris:''' Sí. Conoso Mexico. Tomé dos años ''[unclear]'' mi escuela secundaria. (Yes, I know Mexico. I took two years [in, possibly] my secondary school.)
 '''Troll:''' Has venido en Mexico? (Have you come to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Uh, lo siento? (Uh, I'm sorry?)
 '''Troll:''' Has estado en Mexico? (Have you been to Mexico?)
 '''Chris:''' Estoy Mexico? No. (I am Mexico? No.)
 '''Troll:''' ''[slowly]'' Has estado, um, in Mexico. Has venir? (Have you been to Mexico? Have gone?)
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, no, I hav- no, no tengo pansars. ''[sic]'' (no, I don't have pansars (?))
 '''Troll:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think, uh, I think I meant to say- I'm pretty sure-
 '''Jack:''' Did you just say you don't wear pants?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, I was trying to say, ah, I don't have plans to go in Mexico at the moment.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, I see.
 '''Chris:''' That's what I understood what he was saying there.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, did you know that, that 4-cent garbage website is located in Mexico?
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Jack:''' That's why-
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, that's why they can't get it shut down.
 '''Chris:''' Mm.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]'' borders, plus it's cheaper to run sites over there; they have, like, several servers.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. Cassie wanted to talk to you, but she couldn't make it here, well, and, she wants to be your Spanish teacher, because she says that you've got room to improve your Spanish.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, that Cassie. Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought you were- I got mixed up. Um... Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I, uh, I haven't talked to that- I haven't talked to Cassie in a while, but I've been mostly talking to, uh, her gal- her, uh, gal-pal and I'm sure- I'm sure she'd tell you a lot about her...

===In which the trolls discuss bar fights===

 '''Troll:''' Hey Chris, how- how does Sonichu keep Rosechu from spending more than a hundred dollars at the mall? I've always wondered how he could manage to do that. I've always had problems with that myself.
 '''Chris:''' That wa- That time at the mall, it was, uh, Kel loaned the credit card. And it's like, yeah- she gave- she gave Sonichu the responsibility of that credit card. She did.
 '''Troll:''' ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I've always given my advice on cannabis, you should do the ''[unintelligible]'', Cogs Chris, but I think she wants your response.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, one of my friends sent me this picture, and I think you might find it kinda disturbing just because they say it's proof that you're gay.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, I saw that, that's just a crappy Photoshop.
 '''Jack:''' No, that one doesn't- this one doesn't look Photoshopped at all.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not gonna look at it.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you're not? Oh.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, uh, you say you're against smoking?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. As a matter of fact, CWCville is a smoke-free, non-alcoholic city.
 '''Jack:''' ''[partially drowned out]'' That's what we call a totalitarian state...
 '''Troll:''' Oh, and, uh, in the pilot episode with Seth MacFarlane, of, you know, Family Guy? He's always smoking. What do you think about that?
 '''Clyde:''' Go smoke.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I just- I just take that with a grain of salt, and, uh, you know, that's what-
 '''Troll:''' I mean, if he can smoke, why can't anyone else? I mean, it's-
 '''Chris:''' Because it causes cancer!
 '''Jack:''' So does a lot of things.
 '''Polly:''' It could be a prop pipe.
 '''Chris:''' In any case, I'm not- in any, in any case I've never done it and I never will.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, but eating too much fast food can give you a heart attack. I mean... so many things are deadly for you.
 '''Jack:''' What about fast food, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' My father used to smoke and he went through a whole bunch of heart attacks. He suffered three-
 '''Jack:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Well, I think that might have to do more with his weight.
 '''Chris:''' He suffered through three or four triple bypasses.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''Chris, I think that's... that's more like a weight issue.
 '''Chris:''' He has a pacemaker!
 '''Troll:'''Chris, eh...
 '''Troll:''' Hey ya guys, leave him alone. Ya know, my granddad, he smoked most of his life. He quit for 25 years and still died of lung cancer. I mean that's just the way it is. And your body never gets rid of it.
 '''Jack:''' Well yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll:'''Chris, what about ''[pause]'' Chris, what about fast food? That's- that's bad for you.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey Chris. Chris, could you do me a favor and send an email to Cassie? She's very worried about you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Yeah sure, I'll send her an email later.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, thanks.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, I've got uh, a certain someone you know-
 '''Chris:''' No no.
 '''Clyde:''' -she has to, uh, she wants to ask you w-
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Also, she said something about some hair.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Yeah, that's uh... that's another issue right there. Um, hmmm. I'll talk to her about that.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, does, uh, drinking cause cancer?
 '''Chris:''' No, but it causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, bar fights, but—
 '''Chris:''' Bar fights!
 '''Jack:''' -but I don't think that bar fights are that big of a problem.
 '''Troll:''' I think bar fights are awesome.
 ''[People agree bar fights are awesome]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' But bar fights are bad. I got into a bar fight once and one of my hands got cut and two fingers from my left hand. Bar fights suck.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Unintelligible]''
 '''Jack:''' Well, I think that might be more because you're Mexican. Are you sure you didn't lose them picking bo- picking grapes and- or something?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' No, Mexican people are more more- more much macho man; we get into bigger fights. We're more awesome.
 '''Jack:''' No- I think it might be because you got your hands stuck in some machinery when you were out picking in the vineyards.
 '''Troll:''' I don't know about you guys, but I like- I like having bar fights.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''

===Chris Crashes Due To Math===

 '''Clyde:''' You don't have to be drunk to be in a bar fight or in an automobile accident, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but they increase the likeliness of it.
 '''Clyde:''' You've been in an autobile— automobile accident, I mean, were you drunk?
 '''Chris:''' No, I was distracted.
 '''Jack:''' Uh, by what? I mean, it's kinda hard to be dist— you gotta be focused on driving man-
 '''Chris:''' I was doing math in my head.
 '''Jack:''' Wait, math in your—
 [Trolls talk over each other]
 '''Chris''': My mind got distracted by being its own calculator.
 '''Falsion''': Are you good at math?
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear]'' Is that for school?
 '''Jack''': Are you some kind of savant?
 '''Troll''': That's impossible.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Falsion:''' Guys, you're getting ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you like a mathematic genius or something?
 [pause]
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' You know some artist people have like superpowers in their head. They can do like geniuses and add really well. ''[interrupted briefly by Jack saying something else about savant]'' Chris you are already an artist. Do you have any like, magical powers?
 '''Troll''': Yeah, I heard autistic people are really good at math.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Well not all the stereo- some of that sounds like stereotypes.
 '''Troll:''' ''[talking over Chris]'' ...it has to do with mental ability; I mean, what's the...
 '''Chris''': I mean I don't know- I mean I'm not saying that I'm a total genius. I mean I know- I know enough to get by.
 '''Clyde:''' What's the highest level of math you've taken Chris?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' College level.
 '''Clyde:''' No I mean like algebra, or calculus or...?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I believe I just did trigonometry.
 '''Clyde:''' Very impressive.
 [long pause]
 '''Troll''': So I was wondering. When did you get the CAD degree? I figured it's like a fine arts degree or something? I mean wha-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I designed a whole- I designed buildings and machinery and such along there. I designed the whole CWCVille shopping center.
 '''Jack:''' Why don't you have a job then?
 '''Clyde:''' Your fans would love to see that Chris.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' -I mean use that to design like, actual buildings?
 '''Chris:''' I think I just told you i designed the CWCVille sho-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I don't mean in your comic. I'm just saying-
 ''[Audio cuts]''

===Clyde Isn't Popular And Chris Should Program===

 '''Chris''': Well it's a good st-
 '''Troll:''' Chris...
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Jack''': So I heard you got some nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'll be putting an update on da YouTube soon, but not right now.
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking maybe you could like, you know, get a degree in game design and make the Sonichu game?
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah man, it's not that hard to learn programming. C++ man.
 ''Falsion:''' Clyde, he hates you, why are you talking?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm just giving him some advice, I mean C++ is-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you here? We don't like you. You totally ruined Chris's life.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't ruin his life. He ruined his own life.
 '''Troll:''' Yes you did. You've ruined his life. You raped his girlfriend.
 ''[Everyone speaks at once over each other]''
 '''Clyde:'''If he was the man he said he was, he'd have gone to Nintendo, made all that money. How- how are you going to make money now Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Time will tell.
 ''[Everyone speaks again]''
 '''Troll:'''Yeah, time will tell Clyde.
 '''Clyde:'''''[unclear]'' -need a plan, you know?
 '''Troll''': I'm just thinking uh, if- uh- would you be interested in getting a degree in game design. Making the game or something? Like if you had to?
 '''Chris''': Hm. Maybe but uh- I still have things to sort out in my real life.
 '''Troll''': Yeah it's kinda unfortunate what happened with the Nintendo thing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah- hang on a second, I'll be right back. Mm- ''[clattering]''
 '''Clyde:''' So be honest guys am I really that much of a bother. I mean...
 '''Jack''': Yeah you kind of are.
 '''Troll''': You're like a total dickfart.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll''': You realize weed causes cancer?
 '''Jack:'''Yeah.
 '''Troll''': I didn't know that.
 '''Jack:''' And it causes the munchies. You're gonna get fat, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' It's okay, man, because I work out.
 '''Jack:''' Do you play Guitar Hero standing up?
 '''Clyde:''' I play Guitar Hero while on the treadmill.
 '''Polly:'''Will the Sonichu game be a- ''[muffled]'' -or a Wii one?
 '''Jack:'''It be a Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Wii would like to play.
 '''Polly:''' Oh. I only got a DS.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris, I heard you are very good at HTML. Why don't you make a HTML Sonichu game? That would be awesome.
 '''Troll:''' I don't think you can make a game in HTML.
 '''Chris:''' A- anyway I came back...
 '''Jack:''' Chris? How many courses did you have to take to get that degree in CAD?
 '''Troll:''' -pretty sure you can make a game in HTML-
 '''Chris:''' ''[speaking over]'' I'm took abo- took about two- took about two years to four years.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, if you can write HTML you can write C++, make your own games. Pretty simple man.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's something I'll consider.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde why are you talking to him? He hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm trying to give him some suggestions. I'm not insulting him, OK?
 '''Troll:''' HTML seems kinda outdated, so to speak.
 '''Chris:'''I learn- I took two HTML classes so at least I know how to do- at least I know the ins and outs when it comes to like, workin' on it in the raw data- in the notepad.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' So you don't use Dreamweaver?
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' I also use Net- also use Netscape composer.
 ''[Someone starts singing 'Dreamweaver']''
 '''Troll''': I heard they went bankrupt or something.
 '''Chris''': I don't- I don- I don't listen to news because I don't care about bad news.
 '''Troll''': But that's not bad news that's just safety...
 ''[Talking over each other]''
 '''Jack''': Why you gotta bring this bad vibe in here?
 '''Troll:''' OK OK I'll chill, I'm sorry it's just my wife- ''[can't hear over Chris typing extremely loud]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris you don't hear about these ones in a while. Like yesterday some guy in my town got run over by a train and he- he died. And that's a really bad thing, you know but you have to hear about it.
 '''Jack''': Yeah but that's because you're Mexican. You Mexicans always play around the train tracks, what's with you?
 [pause]
 '''Clyde:''' No come on, don't be racist.
 '''Cassie's Friend:'''It's because Mexicans are stupid. I'm surprised I can use a computer.
 '''Polly:''' ''[muffled]'' CrassCrab why do you have to be so mean?
 '''Jack:''' 'Cause my mother was raped by a Mexican. And I'm part Me- ''[muffled]''
 '''Troll:''' I'm sorry man.
 '''Polly:''' That isn't fair to take it out on every other Mexican out there.
 '''Troll:''' His rule applied to millions. Just ignore him.
 '''Jack:''' No I'm not my mother was raped by Mexicans.
 '''Clyde:''' CrassCrab I'm tired of listening to you, get out of here.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Not all Mexicans are like that we- we- I am as Mexican guy. Not all Mexican guys are- ''[drowned out by typing]''
 '''Troll''': Don't get me started on them. But that will be another day. Cause I'm sick of hearing bad news.

===Chris Types Fast (And Hates Hex-Box)===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris what are you uh- typing there?
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm typing a email.
 '''Troll''': How many words can you type? How fast can you type? Sounding fast there.
 '''Chris''': Uhhh say about uh- sorta between thirty and a hundred.
 '''Clyde:''' That's quite a good range man.
 '''Troll:''' You're like "The Flash", minus the red jump-suit.
 '''Polly:''' Oh Chris um- I was wondering- ''[unclear]'' -would it be uh a Wii game or a DS game or both. I only own DS and I don't have any money for a Wii.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wii, DS and Pla- hopefully uh- possibly uh, PlayStation 2 or 3. Never on [[Hex_Box|Hex-Box]].
 '''Troll''': When you gonna do this shit?
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Why don't you like the Hex-Box? I mean I have an Xbox, I would love to play online with you.
 '''Troll:''' I'd like to say this. Before Chris says anything about that I just wanna say that today my wife came home from the mall shopping for her usual clothes, that Gucci purse I had to buy for her. You know what she came home with? I wanted a PS3 but you know what she gave me was a frickin' Xbox 360. The Elite one? ''[someone speaks over]'' I know, I kept telling her like "Honey this isn't what I wanted. I wanted the PlayStation 3 so I can play LittleBigPlanet, Metal Gear Solid and Sonic Unleashed"
 '''Chris:''' You can put Sonic Unleashed on the Hex Box as well as Wii.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Too whiny to make out]''
 '''Troll''': So Nintendo just- rejected your offer? Cause I- I heard a rumor that there was going to be a Sonichu game or something.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris uh. Cassie wants you to send her your Wii number so she can talk to you on the Wii.
 '''Chris''': Alright uhhhhh. I'll get- have to get my Wii number now.
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Send it to her in an email please.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah they completely hate Sony. And they hate Microsoft as well. I mean this guy, Reggie? He always talks about kicking their ass and stuff. He's kinda crazy.
 '''Polly:''' I know. Reggie's very mean he never brought out ''[unclear]'' to America.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah i wanted to play that game.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talked over]'' -I'm tellin' you guys. Reggie's just a great ''[unclear]''
 '''Polly''': Like what?
 '''Clyde:''' I can- I can't say anything OK but... you'll see.
 '''Max?:''' So Chris.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah so I don't think like if you got the deal with Nintendo I don't think they'd put it on like mu- like anything else but the Wii or DS. Yeah, cause that Reggie guy he frickin' hates Sony. And Microsoft.
 '''Jack:'''Wasn't he also the head of VH1?
 '''Polly:''' Or Pizza Hut.
 '''Troll:''' Chris. What are your favorite places to eat at?
 '''Polly:''' I remember um he ''[unclear]'' -but before that he was with Sega when Dreamcast was out.
 '''Chris:''' Yup. Let me type this email please. I mean y'all keep talking I'll just listen.
 '''Clyde:''' There's no reason to hate the Xbox. Let's be honest.
 [pause]
 '''Polly:''' Or um- Chris um- do you wanna release your game on Nintendo and on Sony. If you do talk to somebody like EA or something, you can like do um- multi-console thing like a (?) party thing.
 '''Chris:''' ''[busy typing]'' Hmm. Well it's all to think about.
 '''Polly''': I mean Sega does third party now so um-
 '''Chris''': Yeah well I'm gonna keep typing this email here. Y'all keep talking.
 ''[Sound of Chris typing]''
 '''Clyde:''' It's true, it's true.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Chris I wanted to tell you that Cassie's going to be here any- any second so you can talk to her.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hm. ''[continues typing]''
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Don't you care about her?
 '''Chris:'''''[annoyed]'' I'm typin' da email to her right now!
 '''Cassie's Friend''': Oh OK.
 '''Polly''': Yeah um 360 is pretty bad um- it red-rings all the time.
 '''Max?:'''I've had mine over two years. The same one. And it has not red-ringed yet.
 '''Jack:''' Dude you have to pay $50 just so you can play online.
 '''Chris:''' ''[echoing]'' Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Yeah it's bullshit.
 '''Chris''': Yeah it's totally free on PlayStation. And Wii.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris. Chris. No, no, no, no, I gotta talk about this. [long pause] Chris...
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I get less connection problems myself.
 '''Clyde:''' I can't let you get away with this Chris. You spent over $1000 on the PlayStation Network. OK? And you say you can't afford $50 for the Xbox? Terrible reason. That's a terrible reason.
 '''Polly:''' Also, um, Cogs I had a friend of mine whose red-ringed a lot of times. She did not like it at all. She got herself a PS3 instead.
 ''[Chris is STILL typing]''
 '''Jack:''' I heard that like- the PS triple eats up a lot of energy and like- has like- burned houses down. Cause it messes up the- no but the PS3 really-
 ''[More of Chris typing then audio cuts out]''
 '''Clyde:'''So when's the next comic coming out Chris?
 '''Chris''': I can't say. I don't have a date for it right now. I've been busy with the- with real life and such. You know getting the s- getting the website back up and all that.
 '''Polly''': Oh but I've been waiting so long.
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I gotta tell you something Chris. ''[unclear]'' -to the trolls but I haven't done anythin' myself. It's run off into splinter groups doin' stuff to you. Ever since the Panda thing, I haven't done anything to you man. Everybody's been running round doing things. I have no control anymore. So I'm back here. This is why I'm back here. Do you understand?
 '''Chris''': Yeah. I hear you.

===Nudes On YouTube===

 '''Max?:''' Chris.
 '''Chris''': Yeah?
 '''Max?:''' So I hear you got some uh- nudes up there on YouTube.
 '''Chris''': What?
 '''Max?:'''Hear you got some nudes on YouTube.
 '''Chris:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Max?:''' NUDES!
 '''Chris''': That's what I thought- I have nothing na- I have nothing like that on the nu- on the YouTube. I've nothing like that.
 '''Troll:''' Oh someone posted the pics form the ED page.
 '''Chris''': They're just tryin' ta get on- they're just tryin' ta get on my nerves again. But I'm not gonna let 'em.
 '''Troll''': Did you take those pictures or what? Where'd they come from?
 '''Polly''': Uh, are they Photoshopped?
 '''Chris''': Yeah most of- Yes. Most of them are Photoshopped.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris I can help you with ED. Chris I can help you with ED.
 '''Chris''': Mm. Yeah.
 '''Troll''': You can see the neck and the body doesn't quite match up.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Okay, Chris. Cassie's just arrived. She's a little nervous about talking to you, but she's gonna talk to you soon. Is that OK?
 '''Chris''': Yeah that's fine.
 '''Clyde:''' I just got one quick comment. The ED people were in contact with me, but I've lost contact with them. But I know you can delete that page permanently. I'm tryin' to help you man. You can get that page down forever. Even the entire site.
 '''Troll:''' What, after you raped uhm- Sarah?
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I'm trying to make amends. So let me do my business. All right?
 '''Troll:''' It's too late to make amends. Look what you did.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Troll:''' Um. Cogsdev said she had a look at the data, they have it up in Image editing software.
 '''Other Troll:''' Oh yeah. Well...
 '''Chris''': Well I don't know what to tell you there.
 ''[Several trolls speak at once]''
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Troll''': Doesn't that mean they're real?
 '''Chris''': No, I don't think so.
 '''Troll''': You don't think so?
 '''Other Troll''': Well, did you take them?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': Then where did those pictures come from?
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, who took those?
 '''Chris''': I don't know. And I'd rather not talk about that anymore. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
 '''Troll:''' Are you lying to your fans Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Troll''': We don't feel confort- we don't feel comfortable. We're big fans of your work and we don't like being lied to.
 '''Jack:''' I'd like to make a point. It might just be a doppelganger [sic].
 '''Clyde:'''Chris, you know the thing I hate most is lies. I like to spread the truth about you Chris.
 '''Troll''': You say you're honest, but you're lying to us.
 '''Chris:''' ''[clearly annoyed]'' Fine, fine. Some those pictures are real.
 '''Troll''': Some of them?
 '''Chris''': Some of them but not all of them.
 '''Jack''': Like, which ones aren't real?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'd rather not go into detail because I'd rather not look at 'em. Cause uh- ''[interrupted]''
 '''Troll:''' ''[unclear]'' -are you ashamed of it?
 '''Jack''': Do you not like to look in the mirror?
 '''Troll:'''You owe it- you owe it to your fans.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, but- yeah, but- yeah, but upon looking at those it's like ref- it's like reflecting a pe- uh p- a past moment in my life where I- I was played for the fool.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah, by the man in the pickle suit?
 '''Chris''': Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Oh that guy- I hate that guy.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah I saw- he was trolling some other people you know? So you're not alone, Chris.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he took pictures of me like that too...
 '''Chris''': Hmm.
 '''Troll''': That guy's an asshole, I hate him.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh yep.
 '''Troll''': He took pictures of my wife too. Sick bastard.
 '''Polly:''' ''[I think she says he is a peanut]''
 [pause]
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm sorry, what?
 [another pause]

===Chris Hates Harry===

 '''Chris:''' I just uh- never was fond of it. Ever since it came out, I was never fond of it. ''[unclear as troll speaks over]'' -just like I hate Harry Potter because he's s- he's goin- he's uh- in compe- was in competition against the world of Pokemon.
 '''Jack''': Well that- that doesn't make sense. But they're two different medias. Pokemon-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah but- yeah but still he-
 '''Jack''': -Harry Potter is a book.
 '''Chris''': Yeah but he poses as competition against them.
 '''Jack''': That's not really competition. I mean-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[talks over Jack]'' Oh that reminds me about books- Vivi- Vivian wrote a book and sent it to you. You never read it.
 '''Chris:''' Yes. I am afraid I- yeah, yeah- I'm uh- I've been uh- so I've been under uh- too much stress between internet and all that. I'll ge- I'll read it, I'll read it.
 '''Clyde:''' She's been waiting for your response for quite a long time.
 '''Chris''': Uh, I like the cover.
 (pause)
 '''Chris''': Nice cover.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he is right about that. That is a nice cover.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah the book is pretty good- I read it.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Well I- I will definitely make it a point to uh- read it. Very soon.
 ''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 '''Polly:''' ''[Audible over the others]'' Did you ever read Twilight?
 '''Chris:'''I've heard th- I've heard Twilight and I've seen the trailer but I haven't seen the movie, I'll wait for it to come out DVD or Blu-ray.
 [pause]

===Random Access Humor Python Style===

 '''Polly''': Oh OK, I heard a lot of girls like Twilight.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I see. Hey Polly does your voice sound like that, 'cause it sounds like a guy talking falsetto. I mean no personal offense.
 '''Polly''': That's not very nice...
 '''Chris''': I'm sorry. Believe me I didn't mean any pe- anything personal it's just like, you know- hm- kind- just kinda takes me by surprise a bit, that's all.
 '''Troll''': I knew a girl like that in high school.
 '''Polly:''' ''[Sounding upset]'' I can't help it if I'm born like this.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I'm- I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.
 '''Troll''': Yeah she's a girl. I saw her pics. She's a girl.
 '''Chris''': Well I'll s- I'll take his word for it. I'm sorry I cu- I accused you there.
 '''Polly''': Um. OK.
 '''Chris:''' You know, aut- I mean- let's- it's just uh- you know it's uh- you know it's uh a bit- just a spot of fun. [[Random-access_humor|Stupid humor]]. Monty Python's Flying Circus.
 '''Clyde:''' We know you love that. There's just so many references to it in the comic.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I d- after they put all of the entire series on PlayStation Network I downloaded the Hamlet episode- that was the one that had uh- Jimmy Hill parodying himself. It also had this funny bit where it was like, you know- ''[in a stupid voice]'' "...and now it's time for The Robinsons, an everyday story about blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah. Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-duhhh-dum-de-dum"- and so on...
 ''[A troll begins to speak but is interrupted by a very high-pitched Chris]''
 '''Chris:''' "Morning Mrs. Robinson- Morning Mrs. Robinson. Comin' out shoppin'? Oh- you've been shoppin', what did you buy? What's this?-" 'What did you buy this for?'[Trolls laugh over him]'' -It was a bargain!"
 '''Troll:''' I've heard you do that before. I don't know where. Anyway uh- uhm- Whatever happened to Jimmy Hill?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I haven't heard from him in a long time so just assuming uh- he gave up or uh-
 '''Jack:''' ''[interrupts]'' I think he got a- I think he got a, uh- children's TV program in England.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well he ain't botherin' me, so I'm not worried about him anymore.
 '''Jack:''' Ye- but he's stealing Sonichu. Bastardizing it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah he did but uh- he s- but haven't seen any updates on his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Chris]'' -profile, he's still doing it.
 ''[Several trolls talk over each other about him having a TV show]''

===Chris Fails At Spanish Pt. 2===

 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 ''[Troll says something more about the TV show, but it's muffled]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Hey, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. Cassie wants to say hi. Just forgive her English because she can't speak very well, okay?
 '''Chris:''' All right. Just sent her the email by the way, just now.
 '''Cassie:''' Hey, Chris. It's me, Cassie.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Cassie. How are you?
 '''Cassie:''' Fine, and you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm feelin' OK.
 '''Cassie:''' Why haven't you emailed me? I was really about-was really worried about you. What's happened?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I be- I've bee- I've been busy with the Internet and the stress and all that. I sent ya an email just now go- it's got my Wii number in it so you can add me to your contacts. I've been talking to uh- I've been talking to Sarah lot- quite a bit lately. She's been helping me with uh- updating the Sonichu site, since I've uh- since I'm working on uh- it's re-uploading and such.
 '''Cassie:''' K, I believe you. I going to check ''[pronounced like 'sheg']'' it, okay?
 '''Chris:''' You're going to where?
 '''Troll:''' ''[very quietly]'' Check it.
 '''Cassie''': To check it.
 '''Chris''': To "shag-it"? Is that the-
 '''Cassie''': Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' ''[still doesn't understand]'' Oh.
 '''Cassie:''' I going to check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Troll:''' Check the email.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, check email. ''[Laughs]'' Yeah I'm sorry I tr- I tried to uh- understand but it just kind of messed up a little bit.
 '''Jack''': Why don- why don't you two speak in Spanish?
 '''Chris''': Uhhh. I'm not exactly fluent.
 '''Cassie:''' ¿Sabes hablar español, Chris? (Do you know how to speak Spanish?)
 '''Chris:''' Sí, hablo español. (Yes, I speak Spanish)
 '''Cassie:''' Oh. ''[pause, one of the trolls says something to her]'' Oh, eso es muy sexy. (That is very sexy.)
 '''Chris''': Ohhhh. Te gusta. Te gusta muchísimo, (You like it. You like it a lot)
 '''Cassie''': La verdad, si. (To tell you the truth, yes)
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Me amos mis amigas muchísimas. Sons muy bueñas! (I love my friends (feminine) a lot. They are very good.) [Correction: Amo a mis amigas muchísimo. Son muy buenas.]
 '''Cassie''':Oh, eso es tan cool en español! Muy bueno! (That's so cool in Spanish! Very good)
 '''Chris''': Muy bueño (very good)
 '''Cassie''': Aha, exacto. (it is!)
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]'' Okay, that's good.
 '''Cassie''': Well, I going down, okay?
 '''Chris''': Okay, you're going down- by the way, let me ask ya Cassie, do you ever- you've uh- you've actually met uh Sarah May in person, haven't you?
 '''Cassie''': Not. She's on Internet.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Okay. That's cool- but anyway uh- you got- you d- you have my Wii number, uh- you can reply the email with your Wii number and it'll be registered on the Wii network.
 '''Cassie:''' ''[very haltingly]'' Yes. So. Cool. Talk with you Chris. You are so cool.
 '''Chris:''' Heh. Uhhhh. You flatter me. Tù me flatteray. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Cassie:''' ''[Weak laugh]'' Well, see you.
 '''Chris:''' Adíos.
 '''Cassie:''' Adíos.
 '''Chris:''' ''[In his 'baby voice']'' Adíos. ''[sigh]''
 '''Cassie:''' Adíos, bebé.
 '''Chris:''' Adíos, chiquita bonita. ''[Laughs]''
 [Pause as audio cuts out]
 '''Chris:''' -it again.
 [Another pause]
 '''Clyde:''' So anyway, Chris. I've been working on Rabbichoso for a day and uh- I was just wonderin' like, it's- it's supposed to compete with Sonichu, you know? If you weren't aware of that.
 '''Chris''': Uhhhh. I grabbed onto d- grabbed onto i- grabbed onto the gist. I'm aware- I'm aware of the just of the theory. Uh. I'm aw- I'm aware that you're tryin' to compete.
 '''Clyde:''' You know what competition does. It's drives uh- it drives consumer interest- ''[muffled]''- that's why I'm trying to help dude. You know, compete. Just so you're aware of this, OK?
 '''Chris''': I see. -see.
 [Pause]

===Rabbichoso And Animu===

 '''Troll:''' So Chris we've been ge- been getting uh threatening images from the Pickle Man. Did you s- did you see the left?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I've not heard from the Pickle Man in lo- in a long time.
 '''Troll''': Apparently there are multiple ones because this one is, uh, not a darkie.
 '''Chris''': Uh-huh.
 '''Troll''': It's good that they're leaving you alone now.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Jack''': Seems like they found more easier targets. Seeing as how you became [[Navy|saltier]].
 '''Chris''': Uh. You know I originally got that quote from an e- ep- episode of ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': From what?
 '''Chris''': ExCel Saga.
 '''Jack''': Oh, ExCel Saga. Oh, yeah, that's a good anime.
 '''Chris''': ''[Quotes ExCel saga. Can't understand what he's saying]''
 '''Troll:''' Uh, have you ever seen two animes, ''[muffled]'' and Schooldays?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I have not seen either of those. I like Steel Angel Kurumi as well.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris, how much Japanese do you know?
 '''Chris''': Only a little bit. I'm not totally fluent. I can say that with all honesty.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something in Japanese]''
 '''Chris''': Huh?
 '''Clyde:''' Never mind, you won't understand it.
 '''Polly:''' ''[unclear] Chris-Chan. Thank you desu ga [sic]''

===Chris Could Kill Clyde===

 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, I just wanted to say, uh, you're doing a good job, like, keeping calm even though Clyde is here. I mean u- I thought you'd be, like, more angry at him.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm being calm with you guys.
 '''Troll''': -I would have been choking him by now.
 '''Other Troll''': I'd have kicked his ass.
 '''Chris''': Preach to the choir. Pr-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' I'd make him choke on a pickle if it were up to me.
 '''Clyde:''' You guys can't touch me otherwise I'd kick all your asses. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, bring it.
 '''Troll:''' Chris could kick Clyde's ass anytime.
 '''Clyde:''' Let's see Chris do it.
 '''Chris''': Bring it to me any day of the week and I'll definitely show him a hard- day's night.
 '''Troll''': Yeah I think you could kick his ass.
 [Trolls and Clyde talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' ''[Sings]'' -been a hard day's night...
 '''Clyde:''' -never mind, just...
 '''Chris''': I mean that as a- meant that as in I would beat... him up.
 '''Troll''': Kick his ass?
 '''Chris''': I'm very strong.
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' Chris. I'm gonna see you later, OK?
 ''[Unison of goodbyes]''
 '''Cassie's Friend:''' OK see ya. Thank you so much Chris.
 '''Chris:''' ''[ignoring his fans]'' Yeah I can- I can lift about my weight.
 '''Troll:''' Like um- if Clyde were right in front of you, what would you do to him?
 '''Clyde:''' Like, what kind of style of fighting do you have?
 '''Troll:''' Hey, shut up.
 '''Clyde:''' I gotta know my competition.
 '''Chris:''' Personal- in the physical offense. ''[sigh]'' I would definitely be giving you so much physical pain.
 '''Clyde:''' That's not a s- that's not a style.
 '''Chris''': I would beat you up.
 '''Troll''': He deserves it man.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, that's still not a style...
 '''Jack:''' He uses fisticuffs. He's a gentleman. Gentleman fisticuffs.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever, I'll just see-
 '''Troll''': Stop arguing and just-
 '''Other Troll:''' ''[Over previous troll]'' I mean, if he did that to my sweetheart I'd fucking kill him.
 '''Clyde:''' Well. He's not- he's not going to come over and kill me, I know that. He doesn't have the money. [pause] You know I'm surprised that you're mad here. You're much kinder in person I thought you- Now I'm just expecting you at my door anytime, just waiting for you to stand here with an axe or something.
 '''Chris:''' Knives are too messy.
 '''Clyde:''' Ah, now a sword- sword's are usually better.
 '''Troll:''' What about poison?
 '''Clyde:''' Poison's good, poison's good.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde, what- do you want him to beat your ass?
 '''Clyde:''' No I was just expecting it, you know.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, you know what's another thing? I would definitely not tell you how I would be hurting you, but I would definitely give you a who- big amount of pain.
 '''Troll''': Oh, he's gonna keep you guessin'!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Troll''': Yeah he deserves it. After everything he's done-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Muffled by troll]'' -going to kill me, I'd like to know.
 '''Chris:''' Uh. I'm just going to let you cover in- worry.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh so you're never going to show up, it's-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' Oh yes I will show up. But you just won't be expecting it.
 '''Clyde:''' You don't even know where I live, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Find out!
 '''Clyde:''' Maybe I should give you my address.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, you should track him down and kick his ass.
 '''Clyde:''' But I'm going to leave you guessing too...
 '''Troll:''' Defend Panda's h- Panda's honor.
 '''Other Troll:''' Hey Julie.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, hi Julie.
 '''Clyde:''' 'sup Julie.
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Hey Julie.
 ''[Everyone talks over each other]''

===Clyde's A Dick===

 '''Chris''': Yeah I notice her mic doesn't work. But still I'm just letting her know that- acknowledge her presence.
 '''Troll:''' You're doing well staying calm even though Clyde's here.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, Clyde's a total dick.
 '''Chris''': Yep.
 '''Troll''': Fucker.
 ''[Rustling]''
 '''Troll''': I mean, he's taken over everything. The IRC. This. I can't- no one can stop him.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[muffled]'' -over there, so...
 '''Female Troll''': I- I like Rabbichoso.
 '''Clyde:''' Of course you do. ''[Laughs]''
 '''Female Troll''': It's funny.
 '''Chris''': I will not offer any new comment on it.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, OK.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, when can we expect the next Sonichu to be released.
 '''Troll''': Yeah, we've been eager.
 '''Chris''': It'll be soon. It will be soon.
 '''Troll:''' Yeah just ignore Clyde man.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean if you're going to put a hard date on it, you'd better deliver your promise. If you don't, I'll strike harder. That's all I'm saying.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. You're saying if I don't set a date, you're gonna...
 '''Clyde:''' No, no. I'm saying don't make promises you can't keep. Don't make promises you can't keep.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll''': He'll choke you with his medallion bitch!
 ''' Other Troll''': Yeah, who the hell do you think you are?
 '''Clyde:''' I agree with Cogs over there. Maybe you should do just a page a day, not release all at once. Keep his-
 '''Troll:''' ''[interrupts]'' Why are you telling him this when he hates you?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm giving him suggestions man, OK? OK?
 '''Troll''': Only thing he's gonna suggest to you is 'shut the fuck up'!
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah, seriously man.
 '''Chris''': It's alright.
 (pause)
 '''Troll:''' Penny Arcade's slow.
 '''Polly:''' Oh you mean like Penny Arcade or ''[unclear]'' or MegaTokyo?
 '''Troll''': Yeah they're just like- boring. Then they because sellouts.

===Chris's Country Cookin===

 '''Other Troll:''' Chris, where's your favorite place to eat?
 '''Chris''': Hmm. Can't really say uh- but I like country cookin'.
 '''Troll''': Oh yeah?
 '''Other Troll''': What's country cooking?
 '''Chris''': Uh no G's in the sto- no G's in the name by the way, no G.
 '''Troll''': Yeah what's country cooking? I'm not familiar with that.
 '''Chris:''' It's like uh- som- something like Golden Corral.
 '''Jack:''' But Golden Corral is a national franchise.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Polly:''' Uh Chris, how are your parents?
 '''Chris:''' They're OK.
 '''Polly:''' Oh OK.
 [Long pause]

===Sex Is Shit===

 '''Clyde:''' Chris I've got a sug- another suggestion. Now be quiet all of you cause I know you hate me. Just-
 '''Troll:''' No, Chris hates you.
 '''Clyde:''' Well don't defend him. He can defend himself OK? He's a man. But whatever-
 '''Chris:''' Let him speak.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm suggesting that- you go on and on about this sex stuff but you've never gotten laid, have you?
 '''Chris:''' I like to put myself in the imaginative situation that I'd like to be in and the sexual stimulation. So I can be ready for [[ego|myself]] for when I do actually have my first time.
 '''Clyde:''' Well my first time was- I'll just say that it's terrible, OK? I didn't know what I was doing, she didn't know-
 '''Chris:''' Let me guess, you prematurely ejaculated?
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, no, it's not like that you don't know what to do. Every woman's told me OK? You can't prepare-
 '''Troll:''' ''[Talks over Clyde]'' First time's always awkward...
 '''Clyde:''' -I learnt that mistake a while back, OK whatever. OK, you just- you can't prepare for your first time. You might as well just have a really bad first time so you learn from your mistakes.
 '''Troll:''' I'm not trying to defend Clyde or anything, but yeah it's kinda true.
 '''Clyde:''' Hmm.
 '''Troll:''' The girl I first fell in love with is the girl I'm married to right now. Samantha just changed my world. But marriage does get boring.

===Chris's Tips To STAY STRAIGHT===

 '''Troll:''' Chris, I know how you say how important it is to stay straight, um- I'm having trouble staying straight, do you have any suggestions?
 '''Chris''': Watch a bunch of pornography with uh- with naked women. OK, a lot of naked women.
 '''Troll''': That happened to me one time...
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, I have this friend I play video games with, is that gay? He's male by the way.
 '''Chris''': Sorry could you- I'm sorry could you repeat that?
 '''Falsion''': I have this guy I'm friends with he always comes over to my house to play video games. Is that gay? I'm kinda scared. You know? I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Hmm. Is he making any advances towards you? Personally.
 '''Falsion''': I dunno how to tell.
 '''Chris''': Like uh sit- does he always sit next to you when he's playing games. Playing video games.
 '''Falsion''': Yeah he usually does.
 '''Chris''': Hmm. I see. Hmm. My- well- my suggestion in that case, would be to keep a heavy distance between you and that guy.
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he meant anything gay by it though.
 '''Chris''': Sorry, what?
 '''Falsion''': I don't think he means anything like- gay about it.
 '''Chris''': Well, still- it's always best to find out- you can ask him. Don't be afraid to ask him.
 '''Falsion''': What would you do in this situation?
 '''Chris''': Well if he said yes then I would uh- basically- let me think about that a moment.
 '''Falsion''': Do you have any friends who're are like, guys?
 '''Chris''': Only acquaintances and only a few of them.
 '''Falsion''': Do you play video games with people or anything? Do they come over to your house?
 '''Chris:''' No. No.
 '''Polly:''' Um, I remember-
 '''Falsion:''' ''[Cuts Polly off]'' I'm just worried I might be gay or something. I don't wanna be gay.
 '''Jack:''' You probably are Falsion, but that's OK. No, look dude.
 '''Chris''': Leave him alone! Leave him alone! He's straight!
 '''Jack''': Why?
 '''Troll''': Hey, let's have a calm conversation here. Let's not have any fights.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah.
 ''[Trolls speak over each other]''
 '''Troll''': I've been reading the Sonichu comics and man, they are page-turners! Seri- I was on- I was on the edge of my seat for a while. I ju- I couldn't- I couldn't- you know. Just had to read and read.
 '''Chris''': Hm. Thank you.
 '''Falsion:''' Chris, can I be your friend? I know I'm a guy. I don't mean anything gay by it. Can I be your friend?
 '''Chris''': Mm. I dunno.

===A Wild Snorlax Appears===

 '''Barbara:''' Do you want any hotdogs?
 '''Chris''': No, I'm OK.
 '''Falsion''': No?
 '''Chris''': I was talking with my mother.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I was wondering if I could be your friend.
 '''Chris''': Oh. Mmm.
 '''Falsion''': Oh. I h- heard you only like, you only like to be acquaintances. With guys.
 '''Chris''': Yeah, ummm. Let's just pretty much leave it at acquaintance.
 '''Jack:''' Hello Mrs. Chandler.
 '''Chris''': She can't hear you, I'm wearing my earphones.
 '''Falsion''': Listen, I'm not gay. I don't- you know- yeah. Nevermind.
 '''Chris''': Yeah I mean- I mea- I-
 '''Clyde:''' What do you have against gay people? I'm serious to hear this.
 '''Chris:''' It's just unnatural and it's against God's will.
 '''Clyde:''' I mean, it's not like it's a choice. You can't change who you are like- you're a creative guy but I mean they're just gay. They can't change that.
 '''Chris:''' I'm just answering a few questions mother.
 '''Barbara:''' You don't have to answer. Nobody's payin' you to do that.
 '''Jack''': Yes they are.
 ''[shuffling sounds, clanging]''
 '''Barbara:''' It ain't none of their business no-way.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Barbara:''' I wouldn't be asked questions like that by employers or anybody. Don't tell people what you d- what you think. Keep that to yourself.
 '''Troll:''' Chris what's hap- what's happening?
 '''Chris:''' Well, obviously, my mother is offering her input.
 '''Jack:''' Tell her you're just talking to some friends.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[muffled]'' I don't need no back talk from somebody on the other end of the phone.
 '''Chris:''' I hear you, Mom. Hmm. Hmm.
 ''[scraping sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' These- these idiots don't have any brains or- they don't have any idea this way or that.
 ''[more banging, clanging and tumbling sounds. Sounds like washing up]''
 '''Troll:''' Is right now a bad time right now? I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Pixelblocks, Pixelblocks!
 '''Jack:''' Someone's saying "Pixelblocks."
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you saying [[Pixelblocks]]?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Laughs]''
 ''[Chris's mom has been singing]''
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful singing voice, Chris.
 [Audio cuts]
 '''Barbara:''' ''[Audio cuts back in]'' -all the anxiety, causing you stress.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well sometimes they don't; they can be peaceful.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, your mom and dad get the crappy end of the stick.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a lot of us do.
 ''[more clattering sounds]''
 '''Barbara:''' Yeah, just like this nasty mess over here that you guys left that I got to clean up.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. ''[Audio cuts]'' -Yeah, I took care of my bills. I mean, not completely, but I took care of them.
 '''Troll:''' What about going to, uh, Redmond?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:'''We! (Wii?)
 [unintelligible, windows beeps]
 '''Troll:''' ''[laughing]'' Yeah, sweetheart pool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Mmhmm. ''[laughing]'' Like the other side of the pillow.
 ''[someone sighing. Clanging noises return after short absence]''
 '''Clyde:''' ''[unclear]'' ...is all, I mean, living with your parents is okay bad-in today's bad economy, but at 26, come on.
 '''Troll:''' Shut up, you.
 '''Clyde:''' Now, I'm being nice.
 '''Troll:''' Clyde isn't so bad a guy. He does bad things, but he's pretty cool.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah he's reformed. He's seen the error- Yeah.
 '''Troll:''' How- how could he do that to Sarah? I mean- That's not right.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Yeah. Well, that's like Luke... That's like Luke and Laura from General Hospital. I know that's like, before y'all's time, but, um... Luke was a rapist and she-he raped Laura and then, like, a few months later they get married. So... ''[Laughs]''
 '''Polly:''' Yeah, I believe Clyde was trying to make amends from his past actions.
 '''Falsion:''' Yeah, but Chris, can you uh- can you forgive him?
 '''Random Troll:''' ''[whispering]'' White whale, holy grail!
 '''Troll:''' Can you forgive a small-dicked Asian? Just a thought.
 '''Jack:''' He's not Asian!
 '''Clyde:''' I'm half-Asian, okay? My parents ''[unclear]'' I don't really wanna go into it. It's too bo-boring for you people. But this is why I ''[unclear]''.
 '''Troll:''' Chris, are you there? Just makin' sure, buddy.
 ''[clattering]''
 '''Troll''': Move out.
 '''Another Troll''': Well, how do I do that?
 '''Troll''': What?
 '''Chris:''' Hi there, my kitty. ''[In baby voice]'' Yes, there's a pretty kitty.
 ''[Someone speaking with a voice-synth]''
 '''Troll:''' Hang on a second. I've got, like, a thousand different... Oh, Crass, why'd you do that?
 '''Jack''': Because. You can unban him but, yeah. I'm not gonna friggin' stand for that.
 ''[Sound of a vacuum cleaner]''
 '''Jack''': I (m j d?) do that.
 '''Troll''': I heard the "g" word.
 '''Polly''': Um, is that a vacuum cleaner?
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Yeah, sounds like it is.
 [Trolls speak but are drowned out by vacuum]''
 '''Clyde:''' ...room or something.
 '''Polly:''' I think the vacuum cleaner...
 '''Clyde:''' If that's the government trying to do some kind of thing, then my name's Rusty Shackleford.
 '''Troll:''' Oh.
 '''Polly''': Oh, okay.
 '''Troll''': That's a loud fan.
 '''Other Troll''': I have a fan above my stove, too.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten''': Hey... I do, too.
 '''Clyde:''' Wait- wha- wait. You-you-you're in the kitchen?
 '''Troll''': Me too.
 ''[possibly Sonic game sound effects]''
 '''Max:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Mmhm? Mm.
 '''Max:''' I'm pretty sure it's already asked, but I didn't catch the answer. When can we expect the next Sonichu comic?
 '''Clyde:''' I-I-I told you my suggestion of releasing a page a day or something. I mean, it's a pretty good one. It-it-it allows for a good time. Finish a page a day. You upload it. You know? It's very good. Works very well.
 ''[Barbara singing]''
 '''Polly:''' Uh. I mean- you guys keep asking when he's going to finish it but I wonder how many pages are going to be in the new one?
 '''Clyde:''' The last one was like, thirty. Just release it over the span of a month. Works fine.
 '''Troll:''' ...go up to ninety thousand...
 '''Clyde:''' ''[mutters something]''
 ''[Sound of Barbara singing]''
 '''Barbara:''' Down by the river...side.
 '''Jack:''' Your mother has a beautiful voice, Chris.
 ''[clattering, typing]''
 '''Barbara:''' ''[unclear, repeating the same two phrases]'' Gone down by the river, down by the water side, down by the riverside. Down by the waterside. Down by the riverside.
 '''Polly:''' I remember ''[unclear]''
 ''[Audio cuts]''
 '''Troll:''' -I'm hungry myself.
 ''[some kind of alarm sounding]''
 '''Max:''' Then go eat.
 '''Troll:''' No, you.
 '''Max:''' I already ate.

===Anime And Shit===

 '''Polly:''' I wonder what anime Chris watches nowadays. There's not many on television but do you still watch Japanese cartoons?
 '''Troll:''' ''[In a bad accent]'' Kawaii desu ne.
 '''Other Troll:''' I want to watch Shuffle. He said it was very good. He said it was sad. I don't know if I wanna watch- I don't like sad stuff. I like to be happy when I watch anime.
 '''Polly:''' Oh, and um, do you watch stuff like Bleach and um Code Geass or Naruto or something?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Other Troll:''' I'm glad to hear that Shuffle isn't sad. I'm definitely going to watch it sometime.
 '''Troll:''' Um, yeah Chris that was a good call on Naruto.
 '''Other Troll:''' Yeah there's a lot of people who don't like it much either. Too popular.
 '''Troll:''' But please. Please. Hope. ''[audio cuts out briefly]'' Uh, Chris, please consider When They Cry.
 '''Other Troll''': Ooh, I saw that one. It was a really good series.
 '''Troll''': Oh, I know; that was good, like-
 '''Other Troll''': Yeah. Both seasons of it.
 ''[Windows beeps, voices overlapping]''
 '''Troll:''' I could link you to Season One if you want. Yeah, Samantha got me into that.
 '''Other Troll:'''...you'll give it a try, Chris. It's a very, very good series.
 '''Arjen Van Dierten:''' Hm. Hey, Julie. How are you?
 '''Other Troll:''' ...lots of ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': Watch Shuffle. You got the six episodes of Shuffle or... Which o- which anime? I'm sorry.
 '''Troll''': Oh and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is also cool.
 '''Polly:''' I really liked JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Very ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll:''' Za warudo!
 '''Troll:''' Oh yeah, I think Shuffle is quite all right. I like Heidi. She's sweet and loyal.
 '''Other Troll:''' That's a good one. One of my favorites is Black Lagoon.
 '''Polly:''' Um, is that the one with the blue girl?
 ''[Trolls talk over each other about different anime]''
 '''Troll:''' Hey, uh, Chris can I, my, uh, I don't know if it's all right, but, like, could you like, give me an email sometime? I could, uh... recommend you to... this anime that... Polly and... Julie like to watch. They're quite- they... Oh, C-and Cogs has recommended such great anime.
 '''Chris:''' ''[talking to his mother]'' Yeah? That's ''[unclear]''
 '''Troll''': As well as Julie-Julie's the person that got me into anime.

===People Love Poketunes===

 '''Chris:''' -we can go into this later cause I got my headphones on. And, Mom, you know what something else? They liked your singing.
 '''Barbara:''' What? I don't sing.
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' That's my laugh; that's my laugh. They couldn't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' They heard you. Singin'. Just now.
 '''Barbara:''' I can't sing!
 '''Chris:''' You just did!
 '''Barbara:''' I'm tone deaf.
 '''Chris:''' They just heard you singing, and liked your voice.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay. Did you write checks for all those bills and pack everything ''[unclear]''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yes, Mother, I did.
 '''Barbara:''' You're not telling me no story?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not telling you no story.
 '''Barbara:''' OK. It's important [''inaudible''] did you pay them?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I paid that one.
 '''Barbara:''' Okay, you have to be honest with me, 'cause, see, you're settin'...
 '''Chris:''' I'm being honest, I'm being honest.
 '''Barbara:''' How you respond to what [we] talk about. You say you ought to something and you don't do it then that's gonna change my ideas ''[unclear]''.
 '''Chris:''' Okay... I'll be sure to pay the remaining differences next month.
 '''Barbara:''' No, this month.
 '''Chris:''' I know but I couldn't pay them all with 90 dollars so there's still some left ''[sound cuts]'' ...oh, you're cooking them up here, okay, that's why you turned the fan on over the stove.
 [Audio cuts]
 ''[Trolls rejoice and mock Momma Chandler]''

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 1|Mumble Chat 1]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]|}}
==See also==
*[[Spanish]]
==Links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?mtnztmniomk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Sonichu (species)

2010-07-27T00:49:18Z

Lucian: /* Possible Egg Groups */

[[Image:084-DatingHedgehogs.jpg|thumb|Male and female sonichu. The female is commonly referred to as [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]].]]

'''Sonichu''' is the name used for [[Chris]]'s imaginary species of '''electric hedgehog pokémon'''. Although the term sonichu can be used as a general name for all creatures in this species, it is usually only used for the male gendered specimen. When referring to female sonichu, the term [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]] is used.

[[Trolls]] tend to prefer to dispense with the distinction, instead using the abbreviated term '''Chu''' to refer to both, after a practice popularized by [[Alec]].

== Appearance ==

Sonichus generally resemble [[Sonic|bipedal hedgehogs]] with opposable thumbs in appearance, though they have [[Pikachu|elongated ears and (generally) tails shaped like cartoonish lightning bolts]]. They are seldom seen without a pair of white gloves and shoes (of varying colors), even if they are completely nude otherwise. In fact, it is not entirely clear if the shoes are inherently a part of their bodies. While a typical sonichu has yellow fur (if we are to assume that the [[Sonichu (character)| original Sonichu]] is the template), sonichus can come in a variety of recolors. Sometimes, a sonichu displays other variations, such as [[Magi-chan|altered ear tips]], [[Punchy|slanted eyes]], or a [[Wild|different tail altogether]].
{{incomplete}}

==Sonichus and reproduction==

A sonichu's [[penis]] and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This system displays a clear lack of knowledge of biology, as the reason that the testicles are outside the body is because the body's heat would kill sperm cells, thus, unless sonichu sperm is much more heat resistant than normal mammalian sperm, sonichus are sterile. In addition, Chris never explains if the penis always slides out when the sonichu leans over (although it obviously isn't the case), and he never mentions conscious control over the action. All of this goes to show that people who have no knowledge of biology should not set out to create detailed organ systems for their fictional creatures.

The sonichu's sperm cells rest within a pouch inside his body. During an orgasm, sonichu will release between 100 and 500 milligrams. Sonichus are prone to premature ejaculation, and can carry STDs.

Chris has mentioned that a [[Sonee]] is born as the result of intercourse between a sonichu and a rosechu, or some combination of the above and a ditto. Presumably a ditto would assume the form of an opposite-sex sonichu.

{{Clear}}

==Possible Egg Groups==
Due to the fact that Sonichus are supposedly pokémon, it is likely that they have egg groups as do most pokémon do. It is possible that these are based of when Sonichu and Rosechu before their transformation.

Ground:
* One of the two egg groups the original Pikachu family is in.
* Rosechu's father is a Luxray.
* [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy's]] girlfriend is a [[Layla|flaffy]], who is in the monster and ground groups.

Fairy:
* One of the two egg groups the original Pikachu family is in.
* Implied Sonichu had a Jigglypuff girlfriend once. Jigglypuff are exclusive to the fairy egg group.

Monster:
* Some of the Sonichu babies were willingly raised by pokémon like Venusaur and Swampert.
* Punchy's girlfriend is a flaffy, who is in the monster and ground groups.
* [[The Incredible Lioness|Isn't it obvious?]]

==Sonichus and evolution==

[[Image:EvolutionChart.png|thumb|Sonichu evolution chart]]

The infant sonichu is first born in egg-form from a mother rosechu. When the egg hatches, a [[Sonee]] comes out. This infant [[pokémon]] can already have a certain sub-type; [[Wild]], for instance, was born as a green sonee with a grass subtype. After being nurtured for some time, the sonee then evolves into his sonichu form. Further evolution can lead to the sonichu becoming a [[Metonic]], when traded whilst holding steel gloves, or to becoming an [[Ultra Sonichu]], when brought into contact with the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].

Despite all being electric in their primary type, no sonichu other than the [[Sonichu (character)|original]] and his [[Blake|clone]] has demonstrated the use of electric powers. It can be assumed that being of electric type is only for the purpose of calculating weakness and strength.

==List of known sonichus==

*[[Sonichu]]
*[[Blake]]
*[[Wild]]
*[[Punchy]]
*[[Magi-Chan]]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes-Li Sonichu]]
*[[Darkbind]]
*[[Jamsta]]
*[[BlazeBob Sonichu]]
*[[Metal Sonichu]] (a metal replica)

==See also==

*[[Rosechu (species)]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu]]

Asperchu/Background

2010-07-27T00:01:22Z

Lucian: or those whose death he is responsible for...

''This article is about Asperchu, a very well thought out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|fsKD1-cGzPc}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of rejection, tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic bizzaro [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris on Asperchu, [[Mailbag 24]]}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself.]]

'''Asperchu''' is a [[parody]] of [[Sonichu]] detailing the zany misadventures of Asperchu, the [[electric hedgehog]] [[pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here], its homepage is [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/ here].

The Asperchu comic pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike the Sonichu comics, where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast ready to kill him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as his paper and pencil drawn pages. The creator of this delightful series sometimes forgets to upload a page or two in chronological order, but this is due to his Asperger's syndrome affecting his memory.

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning electric/aspergers hedgehog pokemon. He has no electric-type attacks; however, his aspergers-type attacks do double damage against autistic-type pokemon. His strongest attack is the Asperhameha, which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing mental blocks of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late 2003 and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on YouTube videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox]] 360 or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends Normandale Community College with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a Love Quest to obtain a gal-pal who he can build into a sweetheart from the ground up. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in Video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created Sonichu in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and crapped out a deformed monster and named it Asperia. While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games.

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a creature known as Rocky, attempting to turn Asperchu into someone who would never take responsibility for his actions, making him think he was a blameless and innocent creature.

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was GodJesus's next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the ego, narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true; Reasonably, He would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu (AKA Solid Sonichu)===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

Sonichu shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the Troll Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a late night snuggling rendezvous. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of the state of Virginia, on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of Aspergers Syndrome as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was born in 1999 by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike Bionic. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over CWCVille, Sonichu was forced to be married off to Rosechu, only for him and the rest of the Chaotic Combo to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, loping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, the hedgehog started to snap. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the 4-Cent Garbage Building was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvania, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's heterochromia styling, his cholesterol level skyrocketing and wanting to play the PS3 for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual Sonic the Hedgehog-like character fighting an evil madman named CWC-botnik.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

One of Asperchu's best friends. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. Some of his transformations include Guido, Nazi Commander, 2Pac, and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a priest.

He is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby_(character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's black best friend who is black. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his Love Quest, although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward gal-pals, while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of Christmas, Jivin celebrates Kwanzaa. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode, as well as a few cameos in Isabel Monday's comic [[Capering Berries]].

==Villainous trolls==

===Ian Brandon Anderson (AKA Solid Chris)===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

Ian believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a fat, insane man-child. Ian rules CWCville through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville Liberation Front constantly fights against his evil oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a form of [[Dating Education|sexual education]]. This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to Mayorshack Tito to take over.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris Chan and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and loses his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In 1999, Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by Giovanni, Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his gal-pals Ivy and Megan before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu as the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandons Bionic and, 10 weeks later, gives birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, leaves his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandons Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly taking it over. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as [[Simonchu]] and [[Fan:Moon-Pals]], it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, it was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in other stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokemon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in ''Star Trek: The Next Generation'' series premiere, ''Encounter at Farpoint'' and again in the finale, ''All Good Things...''.

*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''

*As well, Bionic's base is based off a dream Chris mentioned about people being tortured in a "skull-shaped factory."

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, destroying the beast and releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu

*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion.

;Radar
GJ-Radar, known as John to people who aren't Asperchu. A Born-Again Baptist from rural Texas, he and his fiance Kendra traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's Youtube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a Youtube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.

* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.

*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.

*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure. She also has a noticeable bulge.

;[[Wikipedia:Yellow Devil|Yellow Devil]]
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do stressful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.

*Alzheichu is based on [[Robert Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*Snorlax is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Chandler]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." As well, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Xenomorph|Xenomorph look]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself in the process.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler (AKA Liquid Chris)===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator. Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokemon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the holder of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokemon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noirchu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He works for Denubius king and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears at Asperchu's trial as a jury member

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after recent events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBVille's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay a 31-dollar meal with food stamps worth 10 dollars. He is then presumably killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.

*While he is obviously modeled after Sammy from Sonichu, he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film Watchmen, and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;[[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]]
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll Surfshack Tito.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream

Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.

* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream's look resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvania]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCVille elections. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the Mother series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.

*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of Rocky Shoemaker, Chris's pastoral councilor.

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvania and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokemon TCG games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from Sonichu 10.

;Prison Inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru and his sidekick from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'' and an assortment of Pokemon. Interestingly, Gumby is also one of those inmates.

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*His design mimics the odd design Chris did for the character in his comics.

===4-Cent Garbage building residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent tower that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from Final Fantasy Eight villain Ultimicea.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts Sonichu, he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperdia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde. Him having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside

;[[Jerkhief|Chief Boyd]]
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own [[Anchuent]] power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4cent tower, the MIPS made him give a CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chasity

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokemon to stop him. Sonichu uses said pokemon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a Pokemon Ruby cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors.]] MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]". They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].

*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a conspiracy by [[Greene County]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay sad and miserable.

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple Lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Avatars of the Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again. Currently, the known holders are:

*Christian Weston Chandler
*Ian Brandon Anderson
*Asperchu
*Saramah Chu
*WesLi Chu

Jivin and his father were seen protecting one in the early pages, but it is unknown if they truly were its avatars. As well, Sammy was seen with one himself, is killed my Metal Asperchu and is seen alive issues later, but it is unknown if he's an avatar.

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, yet, back breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* This is a parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The Game Place]].

===Jivin's Home===
Where Jivin lives. Was where one of the seven Chaos Pickles was located before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, he has since disappeared due to [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's Fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue. Its appearance is based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a SKULL SHAPED castle where people were destroyed.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent Garbage Tower]]===
The remnants of the 4-cent garbage Tower, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored 4-Cent tower, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-cent garbage tower is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Rage against the garbage 2]] and one of Chris's videos mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===[[Molvania]]===

An oddball land with strange climates. Home to the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent Garbage Building survivors.

*Molvania was also the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]].

==Plot synopsis==

===Issue 0===

Asperchu is convinced by his friends Max and Jivin to ask Lisa on a date to the Burger King. Lisa, however, sends red-headed hambeast Heaven in her place. Asperchu doesn't notice the difference until she attempts to grab his Medallion and her wig falls off. Lisa, who had been videotaping the scene for a YouTube video, races in and snatches the Medallion and runs away. With the help of [[Sonichu]], Asperchu tracks her down and defeats her with an Asperhameha attack; however, he is unable to retrieve his stolen Medallion. Lisa uploads the video of Asperchu's date onto YouTube, prompting Asperchu to retaliate with his own video.

The plot continues in '''Issue 0A''' when John sees Asperchu's video on YouTube. He is appalled at Asperchu's un-Christian attitude and travels with his fiance Kendra to Minnesota to confront him in person. When they meet face-to-face, Asperchu is shocked to see that John has his own medallion (a crucifix) and runs off to create a replacement. He posts a YouTube video claiming his original Medallion was never lost; Lisa sees the video and joins John in his attempt to defeat Asperchu, who calls for a contest to see who the True and Honest Christian is. In the end, John is declared the winner, causing Asperchu to confront him. He steals John's crucifix and uses it to power a Jesushameha attack against him; Kendra, however, saves John and takes the full force of the blast herself, collapsing into a coma. This infuriates John, who punches Asperchu in the face, causing him to cry. John picks up Kendra and leaves, but he soon encounters Sinestro in the forest, who promises to heal Kendra if he works for him.

'''Issue 0B''' begins with Asperchu practicing for the upcoming Guitar Hero contest. While at the Brass Dragon game store, he meets Dixie Chu and instantly falls in love with her. However, Dixie is already dating Jonas Chu, so Asperchu challenges Jonas to a game of Guitar Hero to see who deserves to be Dixie's sweetheart. Jonas easily beats Asperchu and leaves with Dixie, unknowingly being followed by a mysterious figure that kidnaps Jonas when the two separate. Meanwhile, Asperchu, convinced that Jonas cheated, uses Crayola markers to disguise himself as Jonas and creates a video admitting he cheated. Dixie sees the video and learns that Jonas was kidnapped. She goes to the Guitar Hero contest to confront him, only to find yet another person disguised as Jonas. This second impostor abducts her and flies away with Dixie in his arms. She manages to break free and is caught by Sonichu as she falls to the ground. Asperchu catches up and learns that Dino Dash was behind the ordeal. Dino easily defeats the two joy-boys and takes Dixie to Sinestro's castle.

Asperchu begins '''Issue C''' training to fight Dino and doing chores for his grandfather, when he is attacked by Sinestro in an aircraft. Sinestro is able to destroy Asperchu's new Medallion, and takes Asperchu back to his castle. Meanwhile, Max and Jivin are approached by a fat man claiming to be none other than Christian Weston Chandler himself, who promises to help save Asperchu. Jonas, who finally was able to free himself, follows the trio to Sinestro's castle, where Asperchu is being assaulted by Sinestro's trolls, bringing his Heart Level to 0%. He is saved by another, more badass Christian. As the two explore the castle, they find a room containing many failed Asperchu clones. It is here that Max, Jivin, Sonichu, and the other Chris finally find them, and the fat Chris is revealed to be Ian Brandon Anderson. Sinestro stops time and explains his goal of finding the seven Chaos Pickles using an Asperchu clone. He uses Asperchu's Medallion to activate Metal Asperchu. Time resumes and Ian, confused by the presence of three Asperchu's attempts to shoot the "unholy parodies," prompting Metal Asperchu to set him on fire. Sinestro tells Metal Asperchu to kill the others, but Metal refuses and leaves to find the Chaos Pickles on his own. Jonas reunites with Dixie and Christian bids the friends farewell as he continues his quest to stop the evil Ian.

===Issue 1===

Metal Asperchu attacks Simonchu in the forest and steals his medallion to help him find the Chaos Pickles. Asperchu meets Sonichu at the mall and is introduced to Angelica, Punchy and Bubbles of the Chaotic Combo. They join gay lovers Wild and Simonchu at their headquarters, and the Chaotic Combo decides to find and destroy Metal Asperchu. They plan to use Magi-Chan's powers to locate Metal Asperchu, but Asperchu interrupts and makes Magi-Chan search for Dixie Chu instead. They soon hear from Max that Metal had attacked Jivin's farm and stolen the Chaos Pickle his family had sworn to protect. Wild, Punchy and Angelica pursue Metal Asperchu and catch up to him, engaging in combat. Magi-Chan senses the three are in danger. He and Simonchu go to help them, but arrive to find them savagely torn apart at the hands of Metal Asperchu.

Meanwhile, Sinestro decides to make one more Asperchu clone, using a black student from Normandale Community College as the secret ingredient this time. As the student falls into the vat, his girlfriend jumps in to try and save him, but it's too late; he becomes Noir Chu, while she becomes a rabbit called Aspercream. Confused by memories of Asperchu, Noir Chu leaves to find Asperchu's fat ass and find some answers. And as all of this is happening, Jivin gets a make over by the fabulous Mitch Chu.

===Issue 2===

The issue starts with Max and Jivin trying to reach Asperchu for the funeral of the Chaotic Combo. After failing to get Asperchu, due to him deleting his messages, they contact Alzheichu and get him to get Asperchu. After complaining about missing another party, he agrees and joins the two. At the funeral, they're joined by the remains of the Chaotic Combo and another, Rosechu. Meanwhile, Metal Asperchu arrives in a Dr. Wily-like fortress in search of another Chaos Pickle. Inside, he confronts the paralyzed Bionic, who gleefully allows him to take the Chaos Pickle in his possession, then ominously mentions that the two of them could aid each other. Back at the funeral, Max eulogizes about the fallen Chaotic Combo while Asperchu sleeps through it.

After the funeral, Rosechu comforts and starts hitting on Simonchu, much to Magi-Chan's chagrin, and Asperchu grows bored and leaves, only to be confronted by Noir Chu. Meanwhile, Metal Asperchu kills Flame the Sunbird and takes his Chaos Pickle and returns to Bionic. Bionic refuses to reveal the location of the next Chaos Pickle without Metal Asperchu doing something for him. Meanwhile, Noir Chu holds Asperchu at gunpoint. After introducing himself as Asperchu's brother, Noir Chu gets annoyed at Asperchu's insistence that he was more muscular than Noir Chu. Even worse, when Noir Chu talks of his origins, Asperchu ignores him. Mitch Chu, however, arrives and helps Noir Chu, taking him to a Soup Hotel. It's caretaker, Sitting Chu, accepts Noir Chu, but Noir Chu is forced to relinquish his gun, though he realizes that he's more of a help in the Soup Hotel.

At a grocery store, a despondent Simonchu shops, only to be confronted by Rosechu and the two have sex. Whispy, who caught the two, warns Magi-Chan, who races out, leaving Bubbles by herself, not realizing it was actually Silvana in disguise, the real Bubbles being dead. Worse, he comes home to find out that his porn had been stolen as well as a dating simulator. Simonchu reappears and, realizing that Magi-Chan had the feelings for him, decides to have a threesome, ignoring Bubbles's dead body.

Back at the Soup Hotel, Asperchu is caught eating the food there and is kicked out. He arrives at a McDonald's, where he orders a humongous meal. When he tries to pay for it with food stamps worth 10 dollars, the cashier, Dr. Robotnik, kicks him out. Asperchu, angry, posts a video, delivering a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha onto McDonald's and the Soup Hotel. When Asperchu discovers that the McDonald's was destroyed, he believes that it was he who brought it to be, not knowing that it was Metal Asperchu who destroyed it. When he tells Max and Jivin, the two can only sigh and ignore Asperchu.

Back in Bionic's base, Metal Asperchu returns, with Blake revealing the fourth Chaos Pickle. He now decides that he wants Christian Weston Chandler.

===Issue 3===

As the issue starts, Sinestro attempts to find where Noir Chu disappeared to. When Aspercream has no clue, Sinestro banishes him. Back at Sonichu's house, remaining heroes (himself, Mitch Chu, Jivin, Max, Simonchu, Magi-Chan and Asperchu) prepare to charge into CWCville. Much to everyone's dismay, they HAVE to take Asperchu with them. Asperchu doesn't want to go, but is convinced otherwise, with Silvana watching.

The next day, the heroes arrive in CWCville, with Metal Asperchu already making his move. With Max copying a CWCville soldier and leading a group of them onward, Magi-Chan uses his Satanic powers to kill the soldiers. Magi-Chan is saddened to see CWCville's state, but is driven... to kill Asperchu when he tells him to get a girlfriend. In his palace, Ian Brandon Anderson, now donning his true clothes, is waiting for our heroes. As Metal Asperchu watches, the remaining five are split into two teams, with Magi-Chan protesting about being with Asperchu. Learning that Simonchu is in the palace, Metal Asperchu changes his plans and races on ahead. As Sonichu reminisces about CWCville before Ian took over, Magi-Chan berates Asperchu, who ignores his anger-filled rant. True to his earlier word, Magi-Chan is impaled by Silvana, who takes Asperchu away, mesmerized by her boobs. As Simonchu, Sonichu and Mitch Chu enter, Asperchu is taken to Ian, who has Silvana transform into Megan Griffin. [[Wikipedia:Liquid Snake|Ian]] forces [[Wikipedia:Solid Snake|Asperchu]] to admit he's Mitch and that he's stealing his [[Wikipedia:Dominance (genetics)|fame and fortune]], but he refuses forcing him to be tortured.

As Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu arrive, memories of the past resurface in Mitch about an encounter with Ian. Before he can remember it all, Metal Asperchu arrives, intent on killing Ian. When Sonichu blocks his way, Metal Asperchu [[Wikipedia:Revolver Ocelot|cuts off half his arm]] and gives chase. Simonchu frees Asperchu, who immediately regrets it when he says that he chased off Asperchu and wants to go home. Mitch takes Sonichu to get aid while Asperchu and Simonchu go after Ian. Ian leads Metal Asperchu to his hangar, where he does battle using [[Wikipedia:Metal Gear (weapon)|Son-Chu]]. Metal Asperchu's weaponry is too weak against Son-Chu, but Simonchu is able to damage it with his drills, severing its fuel line. Asperchu attempts an Asper-ha-me-ha, but is stopped by Son-Chu, with Metal Asperchu damaged. The robot, however, uses an incendiary round to ignite Son-Chu, causing him to fall out the building. As Jivin and Max reunite, Asperchu attempts to get Metal Asperchu to get him home. Instead, Metal Asperchu uses the four Chaos Pickles to open up a time warp that launches Simonchu out of the building and sucks Max, Jivin, Asperchu and Ian inside. As Sinestro, his companion, Mitch, Sonichu, Simonchu, and Bionic (gleefully) watch, Metal Asperchu takes up a new form.

===Issue 3D===

The issue finds our stalwart heroes arriving in 1999 after falling through Metal Asperchu's Chaos Pickle timewarp. Jivin and Max do the sensible thing and attempt to blend in with the complex 90s culture by going to where all cool 90s kids shop: Hot Topic.

Asperchu, on the other hand, decides to feed his fat ass and goes to pillage a Wendy's where he meets a young Ian being fired by Giovanni (apparently having left Team Rocket for the more glamorous life of fast-food management). The instantly get along, Asperchu being oblivious to the similarities between his new friend and the raving lunatic who just tried to kill him. They head to Manchester High School for a rousing Soul Caliber tournament with Young Ian's "gal-pals" [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] and [[Ivy]]. However, the current Ian is already there, and judging by Megan and Ivy's comments, has already began [[Hanky panky|creeping them out]]. Naturally, Ian mistakes his younger self for another impersonator, and gets into an [[Fail|epic fight]]. The current Ian, being fueled by McDonald's and [[Semen|soda]], is easily defeated by his younger counterpart. Given heart by his first victory, Young Ian shoos out Asperchu so he can come on to Ivy and Megan for some [[Chris and sex|well-earned "sex time"]]. As a result, he gets tazed by Megan (something which should have happened in real life). Apparently, this is how Ian gets sent down the road to becoming a crazy egomaniac.

Meanwhile, Max and Jivin reunite with Asperchu and run into a Bionic that has not yet been Stephen Hawkingitized. He is just as big a [[Homo|joy-boy]] as Sonichu, but is clearly disturbed by the fact that Young Ian doesn't return his love. His mental instability is further reinforced as he takes an iron to his arm and cuts "Chris" into his leg before sensing that Young Ian is in trouble. Meanwhile, Young Ian gets sent to Principal Blaziken's office, being [[Rape|counseled]] on his sexual deviance towards his gal-pals. Bionic then bursts through the doors and stabs Principal Blaziken through the throat. Young Ian, being a tremendous coward in the face of real danger, comes out from behind a desk to be greeted by Asperchu. Young Ian then wrongly assumes that Asperchu was the one that saved him instead of Bionic, and invites him over to his house to personally taste some of his new [[Semen|Fanta Brew]]. Bionic then becomes distraught and runs off, Jivin and Max in pursuit out of concern that Bionic will go batshit. Before Max can, though, Ian shows up, forcing Jivin to go after Bionic alone. Ian starts to fight, but Max tries to get him to stop with a speech of peace. However it all goes over Ian's head.

In "Chris"'s house, he prepares the Fanta Brew, but needs Asperchu's [[comeuppance]] to make it work, which the hedgehog obliges. At a bridge, Bionic prepares to jump and hang himself, only to be rescued by Jivin. Accidentally, however, Bionic swallows his tongue, becoming unable to talk. At "Chris"'s house, Asperchu drinks the brew as well, but it makes him sick, allow Ian the chance to summon [[Beel|Satan]] for the last part- to bring together the two DNAs and create Sonichu. Meanwhile, Ian gets tired of Max's talk and runs as Bionic quickly races back to the young Ian's house, forcing Max Jivin to follow. Bionic encounters the older Ian who dismisses him quickly, shattering his already fragile mind more.

When the two Ians meet again, they decide to end everything right there, performing a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha on each other. The two blasts meet and cause a strange phenomenon. When Asperchu goes to see what's going on, Bionic pushes Asperchu out of the way, taking the hit and setting the future in stone as the four time travelers are returned to the present. Young Ian takes credit for the victory, then disowns Bionic for Sonichu. Broken, Bionic attempts to get a job at McDonald's, only to be turned away by Robotnik. Furious, Bionic plots revenge. Ten weeks later, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, but the process ends up bending his [[duck]].

In the present, the four return to where they were, only to find the new and improved Metal Asperchu waiting for them...

===Issue 4===

As the issue begins, Asperchu wakes up to find himself back in his room. Confused, he asks Alzheichu as to how he got back home. Alzheichu doesn't give a damn and tells him to go feed Snorlax. Meanwhile in Bionic's base, Ian dreams of getting revenge on Clyde Cash and having sex with a bunch of Rosechu before Bionic wakes him up. When Ian has no clue as to who Bionic is, the hedgehog explodes at him until Metal Asperchu arrives. Bionic attempts to blow him aside to deal with Ian, but the robot forces him to reveal the location of the next Chaos Pickle.

Elsewhere, Asperchu is busy playing ''Guitar Hero DS'' when Max arrives, suggesting that they should go see Sonichu. When he asks if he even wants to know about Metal Asperchu and the Mayor, Asperchu blows him off. Nonetheless, Max is able to drag Asperchu to Sonichu's hospital room, where Jivin's already there. When Asperchu makes a comment about how the younger Ian drank the semen concoction to create Sonichu, Sonichu becomes horrified- all of his earlier memories were with Christian Weston Chandler. He resolves to find Chris and learn the truth. As he does, Asperchu grows oddly sick. Elsewhere, Metal Asperchu lands in the location of the fifth Chaos Pickle, encountering Sammy. The manchild's constant random-access humor causes Metal Asperchu to kill him and level the area he's around. In the hospital's bathroom, Asperchu takes a dump (which is odd for him because the regular timing is off), but as he leaves, he discovers something odd. Outside, Jivin and Max talk about Sonichu's resolve when Asperchu arrives revealing what he shat out- a horrible, deformed Chu/human hybrid he named Asperia. Max and Jivin are undeniably horrified at it.

Back in Bionic's base, Bionic tosses Ian back in his cell. When Bionic leaves, Ian pulls out his pocket knife and attempts an escape. When Metal Asperchu arrives with the fifth Chaos Pickle, he absorbs its power, allowing Bionic to comment that his plan is coming to fruition. In Asperchu's home, Alzheichu discovers Asperia in the fridge and asks Asperchu why she's in there. Tired of the arguments, Asperchu calls Max in to help, who tells him she's hungry. In Bionic's base, Metal Asperchu realizes he cannot access his fourth directive and opts to forgo the sixth Pickle for now in order to seek out his answers. He barges into Sinestro's castle and forces Larry to run, confronting Sinestro alone. Sinestro begins telling him of his origins before the robot cuts him off, only wanting access into the directive. Back in Asperchu's home, Asperchu leaves Asperia with Snorlax.

In Bionic's base, Simonchu, Sonichu and Mitch Chu break into Ian's cell. When Ian comes to thank Mitch, Sonichu demands to know how he was born. When Ian gives him a wild and stupid story, Sonichu cuts him off and the trio leave, dejected. In Sinestro's castle, Sinestro tells Metal Asperchu that the fourth directive is a doomsday contingency that could spell doom for all. Metal Asperchu, takes it into consideration and decides to take another one of the Asperchu clones. At Bionic's base, the Chus make their escape with Ian following (much to Sonichu's horror). A Yellow Devil appears and captures Sonichu and Ian and brings them to Bionic. Captured, Sonichu attempts to tell Bionic he has as much reason to hate Ian as he does, but Bionic refuses to listen, forcing him to look at the scar burns on his face. Back in Asperchu's home, Simonchu races to get Asperchu, Jivin and Max, only for Max and Jivin to leave Asperchu behind. As they do, Grandpa Alzheichu discovers Asperia eating Grandma Snorlax's foot.

In Bionic's base, Mitch attempts to rescue Sonichu, only for the Yellow Devil to crush his legs. Pinning Mitch to the wall crucifix style, Bionic attempts to show Ian how fruitless it is, only to snap when Ian keeps calling him a troll. Max, Simonchu and Jivin enter the base and rescue Sonichu, only to be stopped by the Yellow Devil. Jivin attempts to fight him off with Soul Fu, only to be blasted back. Max absorbs the Yellow Devil's shots to become Yellow Devil Max and continue the fight... only for a certain knife to stab into the beast's eye. Chris heroically arrives to rescue the group and demands Bionic release Mitch from the wall. Instead, he fatally shoots Mitch and flies away.

Chris promises to answer Sonichu's questions about his parentage, but not before taking Mitch home to be buried. Ian later meets Asperchu at Wendy's and asks him (thinking he's Sonichu) how he was able to recover from Bionic's torture so quickly. The issue ends back in Forte Grosse; Metal Asperchu imprisons Sinestro in one of his growing vials and releases the last two Asperchu clones, Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu.

===Issue 5===

The issue starts back in Asperchu's home, showing Alzheichu and Asperia bonding over cans of ''[[Long Island Iced Tea|Natural Ice]]'' beer while watching ''Will and Grace''. Meanwhile, Ian catches up with Asperchu and realizes that it was he who he used to create Sonichu. Asperchu is a little confused when he thinks that their meeting was only two weeks ago. However, Ian is even more confused as to Asperchu's claims that he had a daughter named Asperia, but he finds himself overcome with rage, thinking that he actually had ''his'' daughter, Crystal. Ian sneaks away as Asperchu gets a call from Jivin, arriving in CWCVille, which has been recovering since Ian's deposing. There, Asperchu is introduced to the new Mayor, Mayorshack Tito. Asperchu also runs into Sonichu, who's less than pleased to see Asperchu. Chris tells Sonichu to be nice to Asperchu, then shows Asperchu Ian's most terrible legacy- the destroyed remains of the 4-cent_garbage Center, once the center of CWCVille's commerce, only to lose it all when Ian flew his mouse pointer plane into it, destroying it and calling its inhabitants weak. After that, Chris reveals Sonichu's true parentage: that Ian indeed was his true father, but growing tired of trying to raise him and realizing doing so was cutting time away from video games and attraction sign making, Ian tossed Sonichu in a Dreamcast box and sent him down the river, hoping that Sonichu would grow up and be the son he wanted without the hard work needed. Instead, Chris found him and took him in. Overcome with rage, Sonichu vowed vengeance on Ian and stalked off. Chris asks Asperchu to go get him, but when Asperchu complains, Noir Chu grabs him and tells Chris he'll take him with him. Aspercream begs Noir not to go, but he promises to come back.

In Asperchu's home, Asperia and Alzheichu are asleep when Ian breaks in, calling Asperia "Crystal". As Asperchu and Noir Chu try to find Sonichu, Noir Chu finally snaps and tells Asperchu why they're doing this, then yells at him some more when he's too busy playing his cell phone game. Sadly, they're too late to find him as Sonichu finds Ian first and [[Sonichu Special 4|''blows out his kneecap'']] as he's trying to take Asperia away, vowing never to let Ian ruin another child's life again. As Sonichu blows out Ian's other knee, Noir Chu and Asperchu arrive and stop Sonichu, but it is too late- in Sonichu's rampage, Asperia is shot and killed. As Asperchu mourns Asperia's death, the Yellow Devil arrives...

In Bionic's castle, the crippled hedgehog has taken the three hedgehogs and Ian prisoner. Asperchu tells Bionic that if he hurts Asperia (forgetting already she'd been shot dead), it would make him look bad. Bionic teases, noting that horrible fathers aren't special cases and promises to give Asperia great care. Turning to the broken Sonichu, he decides to extend an olive branch to him by giving him an axe and asking him to finish the job on Ian. Noir Chu tries to stop Sonichu, but the hedgehog refuses, realizing that this is how it's meant to be. In Forte Grosse, Metal Asperchu's attempt to activate the fourth directive obliterates Cthulu Chu. Noting that there are 23 clones, but only 22 seen, he asks Sinestro the meaning of it. When the man replies that he's one step closer to the Apocalypse, Metal Asperchu takes one of the primer clones with a dangerous idea. Using an immature clone, Metal Asperchu is able to activate the fourth directive with ease. When Sinestro tells Metal Asperchu to kill him, Metal Asperchu denies it, telling him he's going to watch his creation.

In Bionic's castle, Sonichu utterly snaps, hacking at Ian, [[Sonichu 10|leaving him in the same position he left Evan.]] Noir Chu and Asperchu are horrified at Sonichu's actions while Bionic is pleased. Sonichu turned to Bionic and wants him to finish Ian together, which they do. When Sonichu sees Ian's lifeless body, the hedgehog breaks down. Finding Ian's glasses, Sonichu passes out suddenly. Bionic has Yellow Devil shoo Asperchu and Noir Chu away as he proclaims that he wants to spend quality time with his brother. Meanwhile, in Forte Grosse, Sinestro continues to beg Metal Asperchu to stop with his experiment, only to watch as the Fourth Directive kicks in, absorbing some of the primer clones into the clone. Sonichu wakes up in Bionic's castle to learn that Bionic had grafted Ian's severed right arm to Sonichu's arm. When Sonichu asks what happened to Asperia, he learns that Sonichu did kill Asperia, but to his horror, learns that Asperia's stem cells on her tail was what allowed Bionic to graft the arms together.

Outside, Noir decides to call Christian and tell him what's going on. Christian is disturbed, but tells the two to head back. Noir asks if there's anything he could do for Asperchu concerning his loss. He facepalms when Asperchu wants to go to the pound to get a new Asperia. In Forte Grosse, the strange Asperchu clone approaches Metal Asperchu, tells him "Death awaits you" and seemingly teleports Bionic, Sonichu, Asperchu and Noir Chu to the 4_cent Garbage building site. As the creature looks over the ruined site, Metal Asperchu introduces it as his greatest creation. Turning to Sonichu, the creature - introducing himself as Argentum - notices the anger and anguish within the hedgehog and teleports him, Asperchu and Bionic to the day Ian destroyed the 4-cent_Garbage building. Thinking that his work was for naught, Metal Asperchu vows to kill everyone for it. In the past, Asperchu and Argentum look over the edge of the 4-cent Garbage building as a strange voice shouts out in anger. Looking out the windows, [[Slaweel the Witch]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Jack Thaddeus]] and two [[Clyde Cash]]es look over to see Sonichu climbing the building himself, calling out for Ian.

===Issue 5E===

The issue starts where 5 ended. As Asperchu watches Sonichu climb the 4-cent Garbage tower, Blazebob Sonichu, Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell and Jack Thaddeus wonder what's going on. Jason tells Naitsirhc to confront Sonichu, which he does, knocking him onto a window washer platform. When Naitsirhc tells the hedgehog to calm down, he ends up getting killed by him. Giovanni mourns for his dead son, vowing to kill Sonichu for his actions. Jason tells Blazebob to get the citizens out of the tower and for Bagget to gather the COProtectors. Count Graduon warns that trying times for them are ahead. As Sonichu enters the tower, Boyd the "Jerkhief" surrounds Sonichu only for the hedgehog to tear them apart. As he does, Argentum launches Asperchu into the building, telling him to set Sonichu straight. When Jason goes to confront Sonichu, he tells him to stop his pointless attack. When Sonichu refuses, he blasts him with lightning, only for Sonichu to deflect it and set off the sprinkler system. Sonichu preceded to tear apart Jason, tearing apart his head, face raping him through his other eye and smashing his face into the ground.

As Asperchu comes to, Bagget finds him and tries to get him out. However, when he mentions Sonichu, Bagget demands to know where Sonichu is. A few seconds later, Ian's mouse pointer plane slams into the building, but only does minor damage. Feeling the earthquake, the [[CADD Chef]] asks what's going on before Jack opts to go down and find out what's going on. Fearing something bad, Graduon tells Slaweel to get him to the prisoner. Back at the wreckage of the plane, Bagget pulls Asperchu out of the way of the fire's smoke when the idiot refuses to get down. As they do, Asperchu spots Sonichu, who vows to kill our hero. Bagget shoves Asperchu away and prepares to face Sonichu. However, Bagget, like those brave [[trolls|men]] before him, falls to Sonichu, who runs him through with his own blade. Before Sonichu can turn his blade on Asperchu, he is attacked by Plautistic. As the multiheaded beast strikes, Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash join the fight. Clyde webslings in, slamming into Sonichu, but Sonichu smacks him away. The hedgehog destroys a Plautistic head, only to see the full body of the creature- Joshua Martinez, holding the scepter holding Count Graduon. Asperchu ends up hearing the battle and goes to investigate. As he does, the action knocks him onto Plautistic, causing him to drop his XBox Portable and making him angry. Sonichu continues attack, taking out Joshua's eye and tearing into his chest before leaping at Jack. The two struggle before Sonichu tosses him off his Goblin Glider. Clyde catches him and Jack tells him to swing back around. Asperchu, however, is glad he brought his backup Game Gear, but is upset that the batteries are already almost dead. Finding Sonichu, he waves him over, only for the hedgehog to slam into him and through Joshua Martinez. The creature starts to disintegrate, dropping Count Graduon as the trio crash into the building. Sonichu recovers and rips off the head of the human Joshua, then turns his attention to Asperchu. Before he can grab him, he is teleported away by Wes-Li Sonichu. Wes-Li Sonichu battles Sonichu, taunting him before hitting him with his Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha attack, smashing him into the other building. Sonichu decides to deal with him later. As he goes on, he is confronted by Giovanni, who asks him if he's ever felt the loss of someone he loved. When Sonichu attacks, he is captured by the [[Pokemon]] Shuckle, who Binds him while Giovanni, a Metapod, a Castform and a Delibird approach him. In short order, Shuckle uses Constrict to tighten his bonds, Metapod uses Harden and smacks Sonichu, Castform uses Sunny Day to heat up Sonichu, Delibird smacks the hedgehog with Present and Giovanni finishes it off with a Clothing Iron, burning Sonichu as he proclaims that it's Super Effective. Giovanni turns to leave, only for Sonichu to free himself and kill Giovanni with his Pokemon. Realizing the building was going to collapse, Mary Lee Walsh calls in Michael Snyder to help evacuate the populace, which worries the man, due to the extremities of power needed. Jack and Clyde return and warns them the buildings aren't going to stand much longer.

When they ask for Giovanni's whereabouts, Mary says she sent ScotPalazzo to find him - which he does. Worried, Michael steps aside and calls forth the MIPS to aid him. However, they tell them they they cannot, as their powers are stretched too thin controlling realtors.

Sonichu, meanwhile, discovers WesLi Chu's Luv Shack and enters it, revealing Megagi, Saramah Chu and Jiggliami. The trio have revealed that they broke Sonichu's heart in the past to taunt him. Even more, they reveal that Rosechu has cheated on him with numerous people, including Punchy, Naitsirhc and even Dino Dash. Sonichu snaps and kills the three girls before confronting WesLi again. As the buildings prepare to collapse, Michael is forced to teleport Clyde and Jack away as Mary decides to confront Sonichu. WesLi has him on the ropes before Mary Lee Walsh calls him off. WesLi teleports him to the roof, where Sonichu finds Asperchu playing his Game Gear still, as well as Mary Lee Walsh. Mary wants to know what's wrong with him, but Sonichu brushes him off, demanding his father, not realizing that, in truth, his father ''is'' there. Mary does admit that, but Sonichu attacks her. In rage, she turns into a dragon and attacks. She attempts to eat him, but when he bites her tongue, she spits him out across to the other building. However, before she can kill Sonichu, Asperchu's rage over his game of NBA Jam causes him to launch his Game Gear away, causing Mary Lee Walsh to swallow it and explode, much to Sonichu's confusion. Argentum reappears as Sonichu demands his father to show himself. Argentum points to Asperchu, which causes Sonichu to gawk in utter confusion. Argentum asks Sonichu to decide on his path, which Sonichu chooses life, sparing Asperchu's life. As the 4-Cent Garbage buildings start to collapse, the CADD Chef and ScotPalazzo share a last moment together as Asperchu is launched into Sonichu. The two are returned to the present where Sonichu breaks away from Asperchu. When Chris confronts Sonichu, he can only pull away in horror, where Chris is told to leave him be.

===Issue 6===
Issue 6 starts out in Molvania where the MIPS realize the survivors of the 4-Cent Garbage Building destruction are feeling restless. Darkbind Chu brings WesLi Chu to the four leaders who tell him that they have a job to do. Back in CWCVille, Noir Chu notices Chris calling up Asperchu for a mission himself, especially with Metal Asperchu stuck in some sort of Blue Screen of Death for the past week. Noir Chu turns and runs, with Mayorshack Tito reassuring Chris. However, Asperchu misses the call (again) and gets Alzheichu to take him to Burger King. There, Asperchu is found by Simonchu who brings him to Chris. Chris tells Asperchu to go to Molvania and find out what happened to the survivors of the 4-Cent Garbage Building disaster. He's then joined by Jivin. To assist them in their arrival, they're given Crackder, a sentient machine that enjoys peace. Asperchu refuses to ride him because he is a [[slow-in-the-mind]], but Chris forces him. Arriving in Molvania, Asperchu and Jivin meet Princess Julie.

Elsewhere, Sonichu hums [[I Got A Fish|a familiar tune]] in trying to catch a fish, but misses. When he fails, he wishes he could return him, but for some reason is glad all those trolls are gone, which confuses him. At the palace, Julie tells Asperchu and Jivin that it was unusual for the CPLF to fall silent with both Molvania and the CWCVille rebels. She suggests taking one of their dropships to investigate. As they do, WesLi Chu sneaks past the guards and reaches Crackder, who recognizes and agrees to help him. Back in CWCVille, Max discovers one of the severed heads of Plautistic and Chris asks what it was doing there. As they question it, Max scolds Yawning Squirtle for not helping and just smoking weed, commenting that it was the reason why Tito beat him in the elections. Chris spots Crackder's return as Max discovers an egg. Back in Molvania, Asperchu, Jivin and Princess Julie use the Pterodactyl DinoZord to reach a castle on a cliff. Arriving inside, the trio find Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus playing ModNation Racers. When Julie asks why they've been silent for months, Jack replies that they've only been gone for 48 hours. In Normandale Community College, WesLi bails from Crackder and breaks in, discovering the disk that Sinestro gave away. One of the MIPS appears and tells him to go to CWCVille with the disk. WesLi doesn't like the idea, but does so anyway. Back in the base, Jack Thaddeus is confused as to why they were missing so much time, leading him and Clyde to go back to CWCVille. They're confused when they learn Crackder already left. To everyone surprise, though, Asperchu tells them that they should find Michael Snyder at the Brass Dragon.

Jivin calls up Max and lets him know about their mission, leading to Chris to go to the Brass Dragon. There, as Asperchu attempts to trade cards for a in-game Pokemon, Chris meets up with Clyde and Jack. Jack asks about Sonichu and Ian. When Chris shows confusion over Sonichu, Jack says that they had to talk about that. Elsewhere, WesLi Chu is sent to where the prone Metal Asperchu is and gives him the disk, fixing his programming. He warns WesLi that Argentum must be destroyed before flying off. In the Brass Dragon, Jack tells Michael and Chris about the 4-Cent Garbage attack and that it was Sonichu who killed everyone. With everyone distracted, Asperchu attempts to switch out the Black Lotus card with his Pokemon Ruby cartridge. However, he is caught and banned. Back in Molvania, Sonichu argues with Ian, thinking he's gone crazy. As he does, Metal Asperchu appears and makes contact. Back in ALBVille, Asperchu, angry over being kicked out of the Brass Dragon and losing his Pokemon Ruby cartridge, discovers a Gamestop. There, he buys two DSis and copies of Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver. Max finds him playing away and wants to know how he could afford all that. As they talk, Metal Asperchu appears before them. The robot scans Asperchu, then smacks Max away when he attempts to stop him. Asperchu shows brief concern before resuming his gameplay. At the Brass Dragon, Chris, Jack and Clyde leave the store when Clyde spots WesLi Chu on the ground. As he comes to, WesLi reveals that he remembers nothing after a mysterious purple hedgehog took him aside. Before they can figure out more, Metal Asperchu appears and scans Chris. At Jivin's house, Jivin and Julie are playing Katamari and smoking Plautistic when Jivin is called up. Soon, Chris, Clyde and Jack arrive to discuss the situation. Realizing that Asperchu was also scanned, they go to call him up, who is busy playing with K'Nex.

Alzheichu drags Asperchu to Jivin's house and Jack asks what's did Metal Asperchu did. However, Asperchu's utterly confused with the question. The questioning is cut short when Simonchu calls everyone back to CWCVille - Metal Asperchu is on the rampage. Chris tells Metal Asperchu to stop, however, the robot tries to distract them by killing Aspercream. Noir Chu tries to get revenge only to be filled full of lead. Alzheichu tells Asperchu to go help the others as Max copies Metal Asperchu and fights the robot. In quick succession, Max, Jivin, Jack and Clyde are taken down. Chris and WesLi fight Metal Asperchu, but both are quickly captured. Simonchu begs Asperchu to help, but he's too busy with his DSi. Metal Asperchu reveals that he seeks to initiate the Anchuent Prophecy, but Chris tells him that he'll corrupt it if he initiates it. Suddenly, Alzheichu attacks Metal Asperchu, stabbing him with Chris's knife, destroying the beast, but killing himself in the process. The five Chaos Pickles are released once again and as Chris realizes they have to get them back, Asperchu complains about being unable to pay for his stuff. In the end, Sonichu approaches Bionic, begging for help as Larry D. Waltz gets Lisa to get back the disk in exchange for passing her classes.

===Issue 7===

The issue starts out with the MIPS discussing the initiation of the Anchuent Prophecy. One of the suggests using Asperchu not as a distraction, but as the means to initiate the Prophecy. Back at Asperchu's home, Asperchu complains over Alzheichu's death, leaving him unable to pay off his debts so he can get the Black Lotus card. With Grandma Snorlax still asleep, Asperchu decides to go get a drink. At the Country Gherkin, Asperchu encounters Heaven again, whom he doesn't recognize. When she notices he knocked back the bear pretty fast and worries if he's drunk, he declares that he is drunk and decides to drive down to the Brass Dragon in revenge against Michael Snyder. As Lucas and Mimms play some Yu-Gi-Oh!, Michael realizes he's being watched and sees Asperchu taking photos of him. Officer Ramirez and Keino appear and try to take Asperchu into custody until he fights and hops into his car to run them down. However the cops are victorious and lock him up. As Asperchu whines, [[Rocky|a creature appears]] and tells Asperchu that, because of his Asperger's, he isn't responsible for his actions and Asperchu declares that he shouldn't be in there, but Snyder. He attempts to get Keino's attention to let him go. A little bit later, Chris comes to bail Asperchu out, only for Asperchu to get high and mighty on Officer Keino, telling him he'd put him on his Respect Scale higher if he arrested Michael Snyder. Chris quickly pulls him out before Keino attempts to murder Asperchu.

At Asperchu's house, Rocky checks in on Asperchu as Lisa and Heaven watch on. Rocky persuades Asperchu that, as a blameless, innocent creature, he needs to confront Chris for not bailing him out sooner and that ''he'', not Asperchu, needs to deliver an apology. In CWCVille, Chris and Sitting Chu talk about the location of the other Chaos Pickles. After welcoming the still-alive Aspercream and Noir Chu, Asperchu busts in (revealing that he was purposely left out of this meeting) and demands that Chris apologizes. As Asperchu goes on a tirade about being healed, Chris gets pissed off and tosses him out the tower, causing him to land on Sammy. In the ruins of the 4-Cent building, Simonchu and Chris find Saramah Rosechu inside the rubble and pull her out. She reveals that after Sonichu ripped off her arms, she blacked out and came to healthy, whole... and with a Chaos Pickle inside her. In Forte Grosse, Sinestro watches in confusion as Sonichu's transformation continues. At the 4-Cent Building, as Sarahmah and WesLi are reunited, Chris reveals that this was because she was a holder of a Chaos Pickle. As the alien, now revealed as a member of the MIPS, listens in, Chris reveals that he, WesLi, Asperchu and three others are also holders, avatars of the Chaos Pickles. As they speak, elsewhere, Ian reasserts control over Sonichu has his transformation ceases for the moment. In CWCville, the heroes learn that Ian himself was a Chaos Pickle holder, but to find out about him, they have to find his killers - Sonichu and Bionic. Taking Julie and Rosechu with them, the group departs. Rocky reappears and tells Asperchu to follow them. However, when he does, he's cornered by Heaven and Lisa when he takes a taxi. When Lisa demands that Asperchu hand over the disk, Asperchu starts on a rant over what Rocky has told him. Tired of his bullshit, she drags him back to Larry D. Walsh, who tells Asperchu that he's missed 195 days straight of school, which utterly confuses Asperchu. When told that if he doesn't fork over the disk, Rocky appears to make sure Asperchu is blameless.

In Forte Grosse, Sinestro tries to tell Sonichu that his cholesterol is dangerously high, but he ignores him in favor of his high on life attitude. Bionic, then, lets them know of Chris's arriving entourage. When Chris attempts to extend a olive branch in peace to discuss about Ian's death, Rosechu spots Sonichu. When she asks what's wrong with him, he ignores her. When Chris attempts to talk to Sonichu about Ian, Sonichu calls him out about not telling him about the truth, then demands they be taken away. In Normandale Community College, Rocky convinces Asperchu to tell Larry to give him the A's just flat out. When he refuses, he attempts to hit him with an Asper-Ha-Me-Ha. Minutes later, Asperchu is jailed again by Officer Keino, who is being treated by Bill the Scientist. In one of Bionic's holding cells, Julie ponders Rosechu's fate when Sonichu sees him and Chris. Chris attempts to talk to Sonichu, but Sonichu begins to cackle manically and walks away. In jail, Asperchu meets up with Max and Jivin, but goes into another tangent about how he's special. Max gives Jivin the bad news about Asperchu. In Molvania, one of the Punislav's tells Julie's father, Jimmy Hill, that she had been captured. Jimmy decides to move out their forces to rescue her.

===Issue 8===

The issue starts at Forte Grosse as Bionic is talking to the Governor. As the Yellow Devil drags Chris in, Bionic reveals that the two of them are going to help serve justice this day. In court, Jivin and Max worry over Asperchu's trial, especially as Yawning Squirtle's his lawyer. Asperchu tries to get Yawning Squirtle to speed it up. The two step onto a platform, which sends them to the courtroom where Bionic is waiting as their judge. When Asperchu demands that the trial just be over with, Officer Keino tazes him and tells him to be quiet. Bionic, then, introduces the jury, which comprises of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolista Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, BlazeBob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from WAAAAAAY back in issue 0. At the same time, Bionic introduces the prosecutor, Lewis Croagunk, Yawning Squritle's arch-rival.

Lewis calls in Michael Snyder as the first witness, who sets the stage for the first crime - the attempted theft of the Black Lotus card. When Yawning Squirtle attempts to cross-examine, Yawning goes off on a strange tangent before stopping to prepare more weed. Lewis waves off Bionic on another go around. The next witness is Dixie Chu, who tells the story of what happened in Issue 0. Squirtle objects and Lewis explains that her story tells shows how amoral Asperchu is and Bionic overrules it. Squritle asks Dixie a few questions, stares her down, then walks off, leaving her confused. Lewis then adds in a last-minute witness to the list, which gets Squirtle angry. Bionic calms him down and Lewis calls the last witness: Asperchu himself. Rocky appears and tells him to show everyone what he is. Asperchu takes the stand and tells his side of the story, where he said that Asperchu tried to trade Michael the Sceptile for the Black Lotus as a fair trade only for him to deny it and call in a bunch of [[Jerkops]] to attack Asperchu, especially when he mentions he wanted to take pictures of Michael to photoshop into homogay ads. With that, Lewis declares the prosecution rests. Asperchu thinks the trial is moving fast, but Yawning Squirtle says they have a lot of work ahead of them. Rocky appears and tells Asperchu to just lie to Yawning Squritle because he's a troll. When Asperchu tells Squritle this, though, he realizes he should lay off the weed and shoot it to the moon. He, then, calls Max to the stand. However, he has a hard time defending Asperchu. Jivin, Simonchu, Grandma Snorlax, Punchy, Jack and Chris can offer no defense for Asperchu as well. When things seem bleakest, Squritle calls on his last witness - Sonichu. Sonichu begins to defend Asperchu valiantly, but when Rocky interferes, Asperchu quickly goes and fires Yawning Squirtle, taking over his own trial. Bionic warned him of doing this, but Asperchu blows him off. He calls upon Sonichu and attempts to bolster his own ego to do so, only for Sonichu to start arguing with him through Ian's voice. When Asperchu tears off his shirt to reveal his manbra with the phrase "[[Honest Content]]", Sonichu panics and flees.

After Lewis Croagunk gives his last statements, the jury goes and gives Bionic a quick verdict (most of the time was Chloe getting some coffee) and they find Asperchu guilty. Lewis cheers in victory, only for a large foot to crush him from Jimmy Hill's zeppelin. As Keino tries to take Asperchu away, Asperchu resists, forcing Keino to taze him. As he does, Punislavs drop in and surround Keino, Bionic and Asperchu. Jimmy Hill appears before Bionic and demands Julie's release. Bionic agrees and lets her go. When Julie tries to take Chris with him, Yellow Devil captures him. Enraged, Julie lets out a rageful scream and kicks the Yellow Devil in the balls. Chris, however, forces Julie to abandon him for the time being. As Asperchu thinks he's won the trial, Keino tazes him again and sends him to jail for life. When Bionic goes to help Sonichu, Chris calls him out on it. When Bionic says that he only wants the best for his brother, Chris snaps at him. Back at Forte Grosse, Sonichu prepares to go play with the PS3, leaving Bionic confused as to why he's acting like that when Sinestro gets their attention and reveals that Argentum has arrived. He reveals that he is the end of all and that only the seven Chaos Pickles can bring peace to the world. When he mentions that Sonichu is someone who will see the light, Ian's way of thinking causes him to snap and declare that he was straight. However, Argentum tosses him out. Argentum, then, takes Bionic and Chris and launches them into another world. The issue ends showing Asperchu locked up in jail along with other famous faces...

===Issue F===

The issue begins with Chris looking over his surroundings, a strange fusion of CWCville and the Green Hill Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog. Suddenly, a Sonichu appears and takes Chris for a spin before they run into CWC-botnik, a bizarre mesh of Ian and Dr. Robotnik. In jail, Asperchu complains at the food when the villain Skullmaster smacks him for a loop, shouting at him that he's either going to respect him or die. At that point, there are calls for showers. In the showers, Asperchu starts freaking out over the various naked men in the showers. As he does, a Poliwrath calls out to Asperchu and demands he suck his dick. Before he could, though, he's taken out by Gumby, who calls Asperchu his bitch. In the alternate world, Bionic rejoices over his restored body when he runs into a healthier, happier Ian who hates Sonichu for being the disappointment that he is. As Bionic asks where his brother is, the real Sonichu wakes up in a river. Coming to, he discovers something approaching him.

In jail, Gumby lets Asperchu know that, as his bitch, he's pretty much safe and no one will bother him. Asperchu tests it out by announcing people should know him by now, though the three he calls out to - Krang, Lord Zedd and Goldar - ignore him. In jail, Gumby shows Asperchu his means of salvation: the Holy Bible. Asperchu's confused by it, but when he hears that it has over a billion readers, he gets an idea. In the alternate world, Sinestro wakes up in a field to find Renaldahc in his hedgehog form there alive. In the real world, Sonichu comes face to face with the spirit of Mitch who wants him to follow him. Back in the alternate world, Sonichu defeats CWC-botnik and tears his head open with a chainsaw. Chris says that they have to talk. As Sonichu leads him on, he reveals that he always kills CWC-botnik every month. When they arrive in CWCville, Chris realizes everything here is wrong and tells Sonichu that. In Sinestro's world, he's already figured out that his world isn't real. There, Renaldahc shows Sinestro Mary Lee Walsh, who attempts to reconcile with him.

In jail, Gumby comes to check on Asperchu, only to find out he's "revamping" the book to make him look good as a Herald of GodJesus. Gumby realizes Asperchu needs a lesson in Bible studies, so he brings Asperchu inside the book to meet Jesus. However, Asperchu's ego makes him believe that he's just a fake. In Argentum's world, Chris attempts to find clues to prove this world is a fake. When he finds an idiot Bionic, Chris finds his proof and is able to trick that Sonichu and escape, only to end up in Bionic's world, where he's shown to be very happy. Chris attempts to free Bionic, but Bionic doesn't want to. When this world's Sonichu shows up, Chris is forced to kill him to get Bionic to wake up, much to the hedgehog's regret. In the real world, the ghost of Mitch Chu torments him with the spirits of those killed, or those whose death he is responsible for, as he tries to get him to realize he killed them on his own, with Ian's persuasion.

==External links==
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Sonichu (species)

2010-07-26T23:59:56Z

Lucian:

[[Image:084-DatingHedgehogs.jpg|thumb|Male and female sonichu. The female is commonly referred to as [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]].]]

'''Sonichu''' is the name used for [[Chris]]'s imaginary species of '''electric hedgehog pokémon'''. Although the term sonichu can be used as a general name for all creatures in this species, it is usually only used for the male gendered specimen. When referring to female sonichu, the term [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]] is used.

[[Trolls]] tend to prefer to dispense with the distinction, instead using the abbreviated term '''Chu''' to refer to both, after a practice popularized by [[Alec]].

== Appearance ==

Sonichus generally resemble [[Sonic|bipedal hedgehogs]] with opposable thumbs in appearance, though they have [[Pikachu|elongated ears and (generally) tails shaped like cartoonish lightning bolts]]. They are seldom seen without a pair of white gloves and shoes (of varying colors), even if they are completely nude otherwise. In fact, it is not entirely clear if the shoes are inherently a part of their bodies. While a typical sonichu has yellow fur (if we are to assume that the [[Sonichu (character)| original Sonichu]] is the template), sonichus can come in a variety of recolors. Sometimes, a sonichu displays other variations, such as [[Magi-chan|altered ear tips]], [[Punchy|slanted eyes]], or a [[Wild|different tail altogether]].
{{incomplete}}

==Sonichus and reproduction==

A sonichu's [[penis]] and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This system displays a clear lack of knowledge of biology, as the reason that the testicles are outside the body is because the body's heat would kill sperm cells, thus, unless sonichu sperm is much more heat resistant than normal mammalian sperm, sonichus are sterile. In addition, Chris never explains if the penis always slides out when the sonichu leans over (although it obviously isn't the case), and he never mentions conscious control over the action. All of this goes to show that people who have no knowledge of biology should not set out to create detailed organ systems for their fictional creatures.

The sonichu's sperm cells rest within a pouch inside his body. During an orgasm, sonichu will release between 100 and 500 milligrams. Sonichus are prone to premature ejaculation, and can carry STDs.

Chris has mentioned that a [[Sonee]] is born as the result of intercourse between a sonichu and a rosechu, or some combination of the above and a ditto. Presumably a ditto would assume the form of an opposite-sex sonichu.

{{Clear}}

==Possible Egg Groups==
Due to the fact that Sonichus are supposedly pokémon, it is likely that they have egg groups as do most pokémon do. It is possible that these are based of when Sonichu and Rosechu before their transformation.

Ground:
* One of the two egg groups the original Pikachu family is in.
* Rosechu's father is a Luxray.
* Punchy's girlfriend is a [[Layla|flaffy]], who is in the monster and ground groups.

Fairy:
* One of the two egg groups the original Pikachu family is in.
* Implied Sonichu had a Jigglypuff girlfriend once. Jigglypuff are exclusive to the fairy egg group.

Monster:
* Some of the Sonichu babies were willingly raised by pokémon like Venusaur and Swampert.
* Punchy's girlfriend is a [[Layla|flaffy]], who is in the monster and ground groups.
* [[The Incredible Lioness|Isn't it obvious?]]

==Sonichus and evolution==

[[Image:EvolutionChart.png|thumb|Sonichu evolution chart]]

The infant sonichu is first born in egg-form from a mother rosechu. When the egg hatches, a [[Sonee]] comes out. This infant [[pokémon]] can already have a certain sub-type; [[Wild]], for instance, was born as a green sonee with a grass subtype. After being nurtured for some time, the sonee then evolves into his sonichu form. Further evolution can lead to the sonichu becoming a [[Metonic]], when traded whilst holding steel gloves, or to becoming an [[Ultra Sonichu]], when brought into contact with the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].

Despite all being electric in their primary type, no sonichu other than the [[Sonichu (character)|original]] and his [[Blake|clone]] has demonstrated the use of electric powers. It can be assumed that being of electric type is only for the purpose of calculating weakness and strength.

==List of known sonichus==

*[[Sonichu]]
*[[Blake]]
*[[Wild]]
*[[Punchy]]
*[[Magi-Chan]]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes-Li Sonichu]]
*[[Darkbind]]
*[[Jamsta]]
*[[BlazeBob Sonichu]]
*[[Metal Sonichu]] (a metal replica)

==See also==

*[[Rosechu (species)]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu]]