CWCki - User contributions [en]

Allison Amber

2023-05-12T23:34:44Z

Lysistrata: /* Duties */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" |'' [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] ''character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Allison Amber 1.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Allison Amber
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 1979/80
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| American
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Species'''
|Human
|-
| '''Occupation'''
|Unknown
|-
|'''Former occupations'''
|Mayor Secretary of the Mayor of [[CWCville]] Actress
|}

'''Allison Amber''' (born [[Sonichu chronology#1980|1979/80]]) is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]'s secretary in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. She was introduced in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] to explain how Chris can be Mayor of [[CWCville]] without actually doing any real work.

In February 2017, Chris casually mentioned Allison Amber as being the mayor, with himself holding the title of the "creator" of the city.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#CWCville is a sanctuary city]]</ref>

==Biography==
In [[Episode 12.5]], Chris introduced his dog [[Patti]] ([[1988]]–[[2006]]) to the storyline by having her magically transformed into the talking, bipedal [[Patti-Chan]]. Chris took her to the [[CWCville Mayoral Office]], where she could run free among the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] without grossing anyone out.

{{quote|Not only is it a home-away-from-home, but every city document, every public decision, every single fun event that goes on in this community are all planned and stored here in these four walls.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:stasi|Stasi]] hallucinations to his dead dog<ref name=sonichu6>[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]</ref>}}
Writing this part of the story must have forced Chris to give serious thought to his fictional duties as Mayor, in light of the events of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], where he was shown mostly sitting around in various shops and [[Restaurants|fast food places]] eating junk food and hoping that women would notice him. Typical of Chris's thought process, he quickly realized the solution to this plot hole: he has his secretary do everything for him.

Enter Allison Amber, a former movie star who ''"retired early to pursue her dream of being the aide of a big cheese like [Chris]."<ref name=sonichu6 />'' This would be an interesting premise, except Chris has no interest in exploring the irony of a successful movie star aspiring to be a humble Mayor's aide. Instead, this seems to just be more window dressing for Chris's fantasy life of having the ultimate goal of [[Women's Rights|all women being submissive to him]]. Not only does he have [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|super powers]] and rule a whole city like a king, but he's also got an ex-movie star handling his paperwork.

Allison is around Chris's age and [[Chris and race|white]]. Fans wondered why Chris wouldn't just go out with her instead of getting arrested for loitering at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], so Chris established that Allison is currently "in a relationship with her... ugh... [[JERKS|boyfriend]]."<ref name=sonichu6 /> Observers at first assumed that Chris still had too much pride to create a fictitious sexual partner for himself, but such optimism has since been [[Lovely Weather|scuttled]].

Allison is quite possibly the most depressing character in the series. Because, let's face it, the only thing more pathetic than being Christian Weston Chandler would have to be being his ''assistant''. This makes Allison a popular character in troll works, usually portrayed as a sensible but beleaguered woman who puts up with Chris's insanity. Compiling this depression further is the fact when Chris finally quit being the mayor of CWCville for good and Allison finally got some actual authority, it only lasted a few months before she became "violently ill" and had to resign, being replaced by [[Brendan Fraser]], a Hollywood film actor with no prior history in politics. Her current fate is unknown.

==Duties==
[[Image:Allisonambercashed.jpg|thumb|Shit was SO [[Clyde|cash]]!]]
[[Image:Allison Amber 2.jpg|thumb|300px|right|PROTIP: Don't reference good comics in your crappy comic.]]
As Chris explains to Patti, Allison receives "incoming documents," looks them over, and then explains the gist of them to Chris over the phone. She then scans the documents, and uploads them to the "CWCville Sattelite", which relays the information to Chris's [[Nintendo]] DS, which has Wi-Fi capabilities as well as [[Wikipedia:Personal digital assistant|PDA]] functions. Chris can then read the documents for himself on the DS, and sign off on them using the touchscreen and stylus. The documents are then sent back to Amber, who prints them off with Chris's signature.<ref name=sonichu6 />

Alternatively, Allison could just forge Chris's signature and save a lot of time and trouble, but she probably sends a few over to Chris just to make him feel important.

In addition to clerical work, Allison also prepared a cell phone and credit card for Patti to use in her new life in CWCville. Chris instructed Patti to call either himself or Allison in case of emergencies, so it's a safe bet Allison's the one who's actually going to have to look after Patti and pick up her shit.<ref name=sonichu6 />

In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Chris was stranded indefinitely in the [[Time Void]]. Upon learning this, [[Rosechu]] indicated that Allison would be able to "handle city decisions" in his absence, making her the ''de facto'' Acting Mayor. She appeared again in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], apparently weary of her newfound responsibilities, because apparently it's too much for a mere woman to handle. Her final appearance so far is in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where she, along with [[Bill the Scientist]] and [[Kel]], takes part in the execution of Sean, the three of them shooting him for "target practice" as a firing squad. Either Allison moonlights as an executioner, or was dragged into the situation by Chris to demonstrate her loyalty to the regime.

In the [[CWCipedia]], Chris clarifies that Allison has actually been Vice-Mayor the whole time, but apparently because she's a [[Women's Rights|woman]] she has to settle for the lowly title of Secretary. Chris also clarifies that "NO FAVORS OF ANY KIND WENT ON Between [him] and her," correctly deducing that we would all assume he would use his authority as mayor to force himself on the nearest pretty girl. Oh, and this information all appears on the [[BILLY MAYS]] article, because Chris won't waste the time to create a CWCipedia article on a woman [[Rosechu|unless constantly pressured]].<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20130416020815/https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=BILLY_MAYS old CWCki article archive]</ref>

Allison was promoted to Mayor sometime between 2015's Sonichu 11 pages and 2017, when Chris declared [[CWCville]] to be a sanctuary city in the wake of President [[Pmurt]] being sworn into office.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#CWCville is a sanctuary city]]</ref>

She [[The United States of America has NO President or Vice President, Whatsoever|refuses to acknowledge President Pmurt's authority]] by ignoring his executive orders and hiring electric-hedgehog Pokémon to guard the city ([[Chris and hypocrisy|who use more extreme measures than anything Pmurt has done]]).

For no clear reason, Allison has a picture of [[Wikipedia:Batman|Batman]] hanging on the wall behind her desk. This may be a reference to:
* ''[[Family Guy]]'', which featured ''[[Wikipedia:Batman (TV series)|Batman]]'' star [[Wikipedia:Adam West|Adam West]] as the [[Wikipedia:Adam West (Family Guy)|fictional Mayor]] of the fictional town of Quahog, Rhode Island
*[[Wikipedia:Lucius Fox|Lucius Fox]], an assistant that does all his superior's work while he is out stalking criminals; in ''Sonichu'', Allison does all of Chris's work while he is out stalking girls.
* Hell, we never do find out who her boyfriend is. Maybe he's Batman. Stupider things have happened in this comic.

==Trivia==
*Allison Amber appears on Chris's "One Girl Coupon", a sort of sex coupon that entitles the bearer to one girlfriend, and the recipients must "do anything necessary." Golden showers, Cleveland steamers, and going Greek may still be extra though. This ticket is absolute proof that Chris is ''[[White_knight_emails#September_2008_.E2.80.94_Chris_denies_being_fat_and_sexist|not]]'' a [[Women's rights|sexist]]. Also note that it says "of any [[Pedofork|desired]] [[Zapina|age]]."

[[Image:331-Girlcoupon.jpg|center|ONE GIRLFRIEND, PLEASE.]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Mayors of CWCville}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Characters]]
[[Category: Plot Devices]]

William Elliott Waterman

2017-07-08T18:45:26Z

Lysistrata:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|William Elliott Waterman|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Billy, Waterhead, Watermelon
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 March 1986 (age {{Age|1986|3|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
|'''Education'''
| Champlain College (BS, software engineering)<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/interns/interns.shtml</ref>
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Computer programmer<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/documents/oitconnection_vol2_iss1.pdf</ref>
|-
|}
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
{{Protip|Watermelon does not deserve attention. He barely deserves oxygen.}}

'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born 1 March 1986) is a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''', '''Waterhead''' and other variants by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, occasional advice, and off-topic remarks. He has also purchased artwork from Chris, including [[Sonichu 0|the first issue of ''Sonichu'']]. William can be considered a [[white knight]], although he claims to be a troll. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions and a [[weening|ween]].

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out trolls over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William, despite him being [[JERKS|male]] and having [[Asperger syndrome]]. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[May_2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref>

In late 2015, William was removed from Chris's friends list after his activity on [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]]. He has since been re-added.

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted a rant about having no local friends and included pictures of [[Pokémon]] cards of Cubone and Yamask. Instead of responding to Chris wrote about, William said he liked the Pokémon.<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, William made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. William, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. William also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, William also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which gave people the impression that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

==Unfriended and refriended==
A few weeks after the Kiwi Farms debacle, William posted on Facebook that he held power over Chris and Chris would not make any more statuses or videos until the administration of Kiwi Farms gave into demands he made. By claiming he was controlling Chris, however, William overstepped his boundaries and treaded on Chris's ego. Chris responded with a [[November_2015_Facebook_Posts#I_Control_My_Life|Facebook post]] about William, where he emphasized that he had control over his own life, and then promptly unfriended William.

By [[June 2016]], William was re-added as a friend by Chris and continued to make off-topic comments. In a post where Chris went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his estranged brother]] for not [[Chris and money|serving as an ATM]] for himself and [[Barb]], William [[Ego|redirected the topic to himself]] by picking a fight with [[Kim Wilson]] and also posted about his [[video games|autistic interests]].

On 17 June, Chris began reading the first chapter of a fanfic named [[:Category:Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness|Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness]]. William later stated that he was responsible for getting Chris to read it<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-9#post-1534383</ref>.

Furthermore, an account provided by William's friend Reverend_Lovejoy, posted to Kiwi Farms, implied that William had paid Chris to narrate that story<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-24#post-1563368</ref>, although Lovejoy tried to obfuscate by claiming that Chris had loaned $50 to William and that William then paid him back, which is extremely unlikely, as Chris was neck-deep in the [[Financhu Crisis]] and wouldn't have had $50 available to loan.

In early July 2016, after Chris had read chapter four of that fanfic, he unfriended William again<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/7-9-yt-announcement_20160709.22293/page-7#post-1586578</ref>. In [[Announcement 20160709]], Chris revealed that he was angry at "Mr. Bill" for suggesting that he read the story, which Chris found to be nonsensical. Shortly afterwards, it was discovered that William was no longer on Chris's friend list.

Less than three weeks after the Bluebird debacle resulted in William's expulsion, Chris re-added him to his friend list again<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-7-28-tranny-status-updates.22924/page-3#post-1633317</ref>. Days after he reappeared on Chris's Facebook comments section, Chris began a new series of fanfic-reading videos called [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]].

The M.O. for getting Chris to read from ''Bluebird'' is similar to the one used for ''Girl'' - both are fanfics, both were meant to allude to Chris's lifestyle and Chris specifically avoided mentions of being paid for both. It seems that, after paying for Chris to read ''Bluebird'', and then getting thrown off his friend list because his fanfic reading idea was so terrible that even Chris called him out on it, William simply tried again with a different story.

It's currently unknown how much money William has wasted on trying to get Chris to produce content. He has [[Paid Video Requests|plenty of company]] on that front.

Waterman later wasted even more money paying Chris to insert his original character [[Bananasauros]] into [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], where the character moves in with [[Punchy Sonichu]] and has sex with an opposite-gender clone. Chris apparently found Bananasauros so asinine he couldn't help himself inserting his own criticisms into the comic.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Chris and money

2017-07-08T18:37:27Z

Lysistrata: /* See also */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Cwcshutup.png|thumb|Chris's response to literally any commercial.]]
{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]], understating it.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

Chris has repeatedly shown though his actions and words that he has no idea how to handle '''money''' or manage his own finances. Between his impulse spending, [[Chris and his Ego|his greed and selfishness]], his unwillingness to save even the smallest amount of money, and his massive sense of entitlement, Chris manages to demonstrate complete incompetence and ineptitude in managing financial affairs. Chris has repeatedly amassed debt on credit cards, only to have his enabling parents bail him out multiple times. [[Monthly tugboat|Too lazy to work]], he refuses to make or follow any type of budget or financial plan, instead spending far beyond his means, and expecting others<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Piss_and_burn_fb.PNG</ref> to pay off his accumulated debt for him. It is clear that [[Autism|Chris has no idea what financial responsibility is]] and that his enabling, delusional parents taught him nothing about how to handle finances while he was growing up. Irresponsible, careless, and thoughtless, Chris fails at just about every aspect of financial management that can be thought of.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed!==
For the vast majority of Chris's "adult" life, his only source of income has been the "[[tugboat]]" that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month. In 2009, the payout was $809 a month, placing his annual income at $9,708. After Bob's death, Chris was given a survivor's benefit - increasing the amount to $1,300 per month and making his annual income $15,600. Barb's income, from Social Security and a pension, is around $1,200 per month<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/11-24-14-leaked-text-may-we-borrow-your-house.6140/page-2#post-416099</ref>.

Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board;<ref name="Miyamoto" /> this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after Bob paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref> How much he gets to keep these days isn't known.

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. Yet with my impuslive [sic] shoppiness [sic] (mostly controable [sic]), I end up spending my side-money after I get it.|Chris, [[Chris and His Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].<ref name="Miyamoto">[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref>}}

===Chris and impulse spending===
It's obvious that Chris has no grasp on the real value of money, since he actively wastes as much of his monthly tugboat as possible on things like [[The Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[List of Chris's video games|video games]], [[alcohol]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|make-up]], [[Lego|toys]], [[Mia Hamm|prostitutes]], and weekly lottery tickets<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 12]]</ref>.

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer.<ref name="Miyamoto" /> His [[PlayStation Network]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' single [[PlayStation 3]] game that he's ever purchased, and even for ''games he doesn't own'', and he also further promoted his [[Chris and brand loyalty|Sony fanboyism]] by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely costs about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores. Usually, children are taught the value of money at a very young age--not in Chris's case, apparently.

In September [[2013]], Chris complained about he and his mom going through "emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By",<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref> making it clear that the family income had dipped since Bob's passing. However, these supposedly lean times were apparently not enough to motivate Chris to get a job, or even to stop buying games, as evidenced by him racking up over $1,000 in game purchases on ''The Simpsons: Tapped Out''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chriss-spending-on-iphone-games.2035/</ref>.

Throughout the summer of 2014, Chris continued to spend thousands of dollars on [[Lego]] and other frivolities, all while whining and complaining on Facebook about his and his mother's poor finances. Chris financed this spending primarily with money from selling custom arts and crafts on his eBay account. Offering free shipping to customers, Chris would receive money from customers, and then pay for shipping out of his own pocket. However, Chris would immediately spend money as soon as it was deposited into his account, often leaving him unable to ship products to customers who had already paid him because of his own financial irresponsibility and negligence.

When several of Chris's eBay customers filed complaints against him because Chris failed to ship a order as promised and obligated, Chris responded by harassing and trolling the customers, posting their personal information in a public post on his Facebook account. In light of this, Chris's future money making prospects from eBay are dim, as most prospective future customers probably wouldn't want to risk being harassed or scammed by Chris.

All the while, even as Chris's credit card debt continued to spiral out of control, Chris continued to buy thousands of dollars of video games, Lego, and other frivolities. As if this were not bad enough, just days after putting his and Barb's cars up for sale, (at exorbitant prices) Chris went out and bought a 2010 Ford Focus, stating on Facebook that he had been approved for a loan, probably at a high interest rate. He also stated that paying for insurance on his new car was "killing" him, implying that either the insurance payment was costly, that he was having trouble paying it, or both.

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games, racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years<reF>http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/</ref>, a list which includes useless shovelware, hoards of 1st party Nintendo software, Virtual Console games and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he doesn't even like]]. 276 of these purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles (buying '''4''' DSs and DSis), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind 39% of purchases Chris has on his account are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high number. This information comes on the heels of Chris begging people for money to fix his mother's cavities, as well as the financial worries that his trials will undoubtedly cause.

In [[July 2016]], a field agent provided the following account of Chris, in a situation where he did not have enough cash to pay for his junk food at a gas station<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-601#post-1615438</ref>:

{{quotebox|My friend walks into a gas station/convenience store on the northern edge of Charlottesville.
Chris is trying to buy $7 or so of junk food type stuff, but he only has $5 in cash.
The cashier tries to make understand he owes $2 more. Chris seems to understand, but is slow to process what to do about it.
My friend who is second in line, picks out two ones, says "here you go" and puts them on the counter.
Chris, it seems more out of stupidity and confusion than malice, picks up the $2 and his purchases and makes to leave.
My friend and the cashier, both object and yell that he has to leave the $2 with the cashier.
Chris doesn't seem to react.
A dude who was behind both of them in line is between Chris and the door. As Chris passes him, he taps him to get his attention, and says something like "Hey buddy ..."
Chris makes a get-away-from-me hand wavy gesture without looking at any of the three of them, and fairly loudly says "It's Miss!" and hurries out the door.
Chris continues to his car in a half run, half walk, as all three of the people in the store watch confused and amused.
Chris pulls out of the parking spot, but for some reason heads towards the back of the lot, where there is no exit.
As Chris gets to the back of the lot, he stops, backs up a few feet, tries to turn the car around, doesn't make it, backs up again, and finally gets around. Essentially making a 5 point turn in a fairly large empty parking lot.
Chris drives past the store again not looking inside, and finally drives off.}}

One dreads to imagine how his financial incompetence will affect him once Barb is dead - knowing Chris, and while it is quite tragic, he'll probably continue in his destructive spending patterns until he loses everything he has, and even then, he'll [[Ego|learn nothing]].

===Chris's parental enabling===
Bob encouraged his son to remain unemployed, since he believed that Chris would earn more money from his monthly tugboat than he would have from getting a job. However, this assumption was and is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: that's $15,100 annually. Subtracting the money he pays his mom every month to live, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000, which knowing Chris, would be spent on yet more frivolities. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulled in annually from the government after paying off his parents, and it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement came from either thinking Chris would lose his social security if employed (which he wouldn't) or the more accurate notion that his son is a useless failure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his parents are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they managed to make sure that [[Chris and remorse|Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending (or for anything else)]] by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[List of restaurants|fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on frivolities and useless stuff, as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|courses that could eventually help him onto the employment ladder]] or [[Clown shirt|clothing that isn't unbelievably tacky]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that [[Barb]] will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that he [[Target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

===Fan funding===
{{see also|Chris and business}}
Chris has gotten over $4,000 from his audience over the years, in the form of donations and considerations. He has received thousands more in sales through storefronts such as [[eBay]] and [[Etsy]].

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Amount
! From
! Date received
! Details
|-
|A laptop computer
|A ween in N.C.
|[[August 2011]]
|Chris spoke about it in [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]. A common theory is that the laptop had been infected with a keylogger, but Chris outsmarted the ween by upgrading the computer.
|-
|$500
|[[Kiwi Farms]]
|[[January 2014]]
|Donated by fans after the house fire<ref>[[Destruction Of Chris's House#Aftermath and reaction]]</ref>.
|-
|$150
|Fans
|[[September 2014]]
|From a Kickstarter campaign in which Chris explicitly stated he would use it to buy Legos<ref>[[Kickstarter]]</ref>.
|-
|$1,000
|[[DStecks]]
|[[September 2015]]
|
|-
|$500
|Kiwi Farms user [[Weening|Sonic Rainboom]]
|[[September 2015]]
|Sent Chris a Visa card with $500<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-finds-a-gift-card-spends-it.13723/</ref>. Later admitted doing it to get "interesting content" from him, who has never acknowledged the anonymous gift<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-finds-a-gift-card-spends-it.13723/page-11#post-1054932</ref>.
<center><gallery>
File:Sonic rainboom $500 1.png|Rainboom spent $500 to find that Chris likes McDonalds.
File:Sonic rainboom $500 2.jpg
File:Sonic rainboom $500 3.jpg
</gallery></center>
|-
|Hundreds
|Mostly [[weens]]
|Summer 2016
|During the [[Financhu Crisis]], a pattern formed of Chris begging for money, then briefly stating that he had received donations before begging for more money.
|-
|$1,550
|Selling [[Relics of Fail]]
|August 2016 onwards
|[[Megatron pistol]] ($50), [[Sonic Totem]] ($1,500)
|-
|<s>$116</s>, <s>$70</s>, $24
|[[Patreon]]
|December 2016 onwards
|Chris currently has <s>6</s>, 4 patrons sending him free money every month.
|}

===Chris's beliefs===
Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless junk, he is aiding the economy and paying for other people's tugboats.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever]]</ref> This is a [[Honor roll|damningly moronic conviction]], since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with ''federal'' payroll tax. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Chris and his Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond. His mother has served as a bad influence in both regards, as she would frequently shop at Goodwill and compulsively hoard the purchases, which both wasted money and helped turn their house into a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire hazard]].

===After the house fire===
On [[10 January 2014]], 14 Branchland Court caught fire. This would undoubtedly place the Chandlers in grim circumstances, due to the costs of rebuilding the home and replacing what was lost. Some of his fans pooled their funds to send him a care package, with a money order for $500<ref>[[Destruction Of Chris's House#Aftermath and reaction]]</ref>.

Many, concerned about Chris due to his wasteful spending habits, hoped that this would be the moment in Chris's life where he finally woke up and realized the importance of saving when things like this happen. Unfortunately, not even ''that'' has broken Chris's thick skull--throughout 2014, he wasted '''$5,000''' on ''Lego sets''<ref>[[Lego#Addiction and Financial Ruin]]</ref><ref>[[May 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>.

==Barb's toxic influence==
According to a troll with insider info, Chris was able to manage his own finances to a rudimentary degree, even after Bob passed away<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/giving-chris-money-debate-thread.22420/page-15#post-1844194</ref>, although he still has an issue with not saving money for [[Destruction Of Chris's House|potential emergencies]].

The troll also asserted that Chris's financial hardships are caused, in most part, by [[Barb]] helping herself to Chris's monetary accounts in order to attempt paying her out-of-control debts<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/giving-chris-money-debate-thread.22420/page-15#post-1844194</ref>.

{{quotebox|Barb is the one who has serious debt. She fucks up Chris' budgeting by erratically taking money from Chris' account when she needs it, generally without warning.

There are two types of Chris begging videos. One is when Chris wants a bit extra for some legos. You can identify those videos by how vague Chris' requests are, and how relaxed Chris is in the video. Chris isn't in meltdown mode in those videos.

Now, the other type of video is when Barb tried to snatch some money from Chris and Chris doesn't have anything for her. You can identify those videos by how freaked out Chris looks. He's visibly distressed and he's citing specific bills he's got to pay, usually things that seem un-Chris-like. That's when Barb is freaking out at him for not having enough money to pay her debts.

The thing is, the perception is that Chris is bad with money. He's not bad with money (as far as monthly budgeting goes). Despite how foggy Chris' head is, he's got enough memory to recognize patterns in bills over the course of a few months. He knows he's gotta pay electricity bills and rent and things like that. And he does do the math each month about what bills he's got to pay, and how much that leaves him for legos and food. You can't trust his begging. He begs because he wants more money, not because he's in any financial straits (that is, not including Barb).

He lives cheaply as shit. He saves money by buying dollar store shit. He's the type of person to buy single ply toilet paper at the dollar store. But sometimes he'll splurge and treat himself to things, like alcohol. He does this all while meeting his obligations, like his minimum payments and his bills.}}

Information from Cousin Al<ref>[[Catherine#The bowling outing]]</ref> revealed that Chris and Barb '''had''' an inheritance from Bob worth "tens of thousands of dollars." However, Barb spent all of it on hiring Rob Bell to defend herself (...and Chris) from legal charges incurred after [[28 October 2011|the two of them hit Michael Snyder with a car]].

In November 2014, Chris revealed to Renee that Barb was borrowing money from his life insurance<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Barb is borrowing from Chris's life insurance]]</ref>.

===Bank lawsuits against Barb===
In 2016, two banks, Discovery and Capital One, sued Barb for not paying '''over $20,000 total''' in debts, leaving the Chandlers ''even further'' in financial turmoil.

Barb herself appeared in multiple videos in 2016-17, trying to scam people into donating to her.

*[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]]
*[[Donations Requested, Please]]
*[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]
*[[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE]]

In the first two videos, Barb claimed not to have enough money for asthma medication, and in the third, she claimed to need money for dental work.

If Barb actually needed money for an emergency, she could simply have instructed Chris to sell some of their possessions. In the videos, Chris's toys and Barb's hoard are clearly visible behind them.

==Chris and credit cards==
That Chris has managed to acquire several credit cards is very surprising, but the foolishness with which he uses them wouldn't surprise anybody at all. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By that point, Chris's debt had gotten so out of hand that Bob was forced to step in, making Chris reduce and manage on his spending, and forcing Chris to make regular payments to pay off his outstanding debt. Chris, thoughtless and uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the tugboat in compensation. This foolish act of parental financial enabling allowed Chris to avoid the immediate consequences of his gross financial irresponsibility, and resulted in Chris learning nothing about how to manage his own finances, reinforcing Chris's attitude that he should be able to do anything that he wants and not suffer any negative consequences.

===Best Buy MasterCard===
Not surprisingly, it only took Chris a few short months to land himself in more financial trouble. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had predictably used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment.

One of Chris's [[Jackie E-mails 7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission; he only told them about it after receiving 2 bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to repay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. From that point until Bob's death, he received only an allowance in the form of Visa gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt for a short time. At the time, the prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie E-mails 8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with Jackie, Chris claimed that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to Bob were the work of trolls. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he was just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes.

Bob, delusional and in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of The GAMe PLACe, claimed that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from any of the near-destitute Chandlers is unknown.

It's unknown why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point. Bob probably salvaged Chris's credit rating when he paid off all his prior card debt at once, but he angrily claimed Chris ruined it with the Best Buy debt (certainly true), and, in disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seemed to use this damning information to try to make Chris's latest brush with the [[Chris and the Law|law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

===Credit card debt===
Unverified information on Chris's credit card debt was leaked on the CWCki Forums on 4 June 2014. It was revealed that Chris had at least five active credit cards, with at least $7600 in combined credit limit. Of the five known active cards, at least four were revealed to be maxed out, with at least $7400 in unpaid debt between the five cards. It was estimated that the minimum payment on Chris's known debt was at least $220 a month, and it was revealed that the only reason that Chris had been able to obtain the credit that he had was that, historically, he had almost always at least paid the minimum payment each month, although it was implied that he rarely if ever paid more than the minimum.<ref>[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/chris-and-his-finances-an-in-depth-review-of-his-debt.3809/ CWCki Forums: "Chris and his finances: An in-depth review of his debt"] ([https://archive.today/K6R2c archived version])</ref>

===Payday Loan===
In early 2016, [[CatKnight Interview|Arthur Spatchcock]] discovered that Chris had taken out a Payday loan for $3,000<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/page-13#post-1392146</ref>.

{{quotebox|Chris 'borrowed' three thousand dollars. What he did with it is hazy, sure, but how do you think he bought all those lego sets for Lego Dimensions? }}

A payday loan charges extremely high interest rates, which does not bode well for Chris, due to his habit of only paying back minimal amounts at a time.

===Credit Increase===
In [[June 2016]], Chris's credit card company raised his credit limit. Chris reacted to this news by blowing his "bonus" on [[Transformers]] only to later beg for money over [[Facebook]] while blaming his [[Barb|mother's]] bill payments for their financial woes.
<center><gallery>
File:Transformers fb post1.jpg|Chris bragging about using his credit increase to buy Transformers
File:Transformers fb post2.jpg|''Nine minutes later'', Chris blamed his family's financial shortfalls on his mother's bill payments
</gallery></center>

==Money-Making Schemes==
===Wheeling and Dealing===
Also known as [[Wikipedia:Return fraud|return fraud]]. Chris has a habit of buying a product from one store for a lower cost, then exchanging it for a higher amount of store credit at another store<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 15]]</ref>.

===Lottery===
Chris considers the lottery to be ''an investment''. In September 2010, he told Jackie the following<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 12]]</ref>:

{{quotebox|I invest $4 weekly between Win For Life and Mega Millions; two plays each.}}

===Craigslist===
{{main|Craigslist}}
In late [[October 2011]], Chris posted a Craigslist ad for a 12-year old 32" CRT television and expected a non-negotiable $250 for it;<ref>[[Craigslist#Television]]</ref> in reality, this is about the price of a new flatscreen HDTV of that size, and he would be lucky to get a tenth of his asking price.

Chris placed two cars for sale on Craigslist in September 2014. One was a dilapidated, rusty 1997 Cadillac with a cracked engine block that hadn't run in over a year. Despite having a market value (as scrap) of approximately $150, Chris demanded $5,000 for the automobile, insisting that the cracked engine block made the car a great [[Chris and reality|"fixer upper."]] Chris also placed his mother's BMW Z3 for sale, demanding $15,000 for a car that had a book value of approximately $3,000.

===Pawn shops===
{{main|List of Chris's video games#Chris (barely) lets go}}

Chris occasionally visits pawn shops or similar businesses, among them Snooky's Pawn Shop, GameStop and Plan 9 Music, to sell his old toys so that he can afford new toys.

===Ebay===
{{main|eBay}}
Chris has long used Ebay to sell bits of his toy hoard. He doesn’t put much effort into researching prices, and he often lists items at vastly inflated prices. In August 2016, he listed a used VHS of ''Aladdin'' with a 'Buy it Now' price of $3,000. There were no (legitimate) takers, probably because one can buy the same edition on Amazon for ''one penny'' (plus shipping, but still).

===Cwcville Shopping===
{{main|Chris and business}}
From 2014-2016, Chris sold custom arts and crafts, finally monetizing Sonichu, through [[eBay]], [[Etsy]] and [[Lulu]], before losing his business due to [[PS4|stress]].

===Kickstarter===
{{main|Kickstarter}}
On 23 September 2014, Chris opened a Kickstarter project, asking for $5,000 worth of Legos. At the end of the campaign, Chris raised $150 from 27 backers.

===Wish lists===
'''2015'''

On 13 [[December 2015]], Chris [[December 2015 Facebook Posts#GIMME GIFTS|posted]] an Amazon.com wish list. It was filled with over a thousand dollars worth of PS4 consoles, Lego sets and Skylanders toys.

Screenshots of the wish list can be found [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-671#post-1887026 here].

Trolls responded by spamming the "Buying this gift elsewhere?" option<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/12-13-seasons-greetings.15325/page-17#post-1152508</ref>. Chris believed that the items disappearing meant that he would be getting lots of toys for Christmas. Of course, he reacted to this supposed good fortune by '''making another wish list''', containing over $1,000 worth of Transformers action figures, Amiibos, and DVDs.<ref>[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Chris reveals his measurements]]</ref>

Screenshots of the second wish list can be found [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-12-21-chris-on-amazon-wishlists-and-donating-a-ps4.15610/page-3#post-1162967 here].

He also requested "pretty dresses of blue or red" and gave his measurements as "44/39/40." Notably, one of the items he had marked as highest priority was the [[Megatron pistol]], implying that the original was lost or damaged in the 2014 house fire.

'''2016'''

During [[February 2016]], Chris begged his audience to buy him a PS4 with accessories for his birthday<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#GIMME STUFF FOR MY BIRTHDAY]]</ref>. He did not use Amazon, saying, "the Amazon Wish List is a definite fickle."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/February_2016_Facebook_Posts#GIMME_STUFF_FOR_MY_BIRTHDAY</ref>

He provided a wish list with several links to stores such as GameStop and Best Buy. Notably, he had ended his "[[Group Embargo on GameStop, Best Buy, and Simon Shopping Centers|embargo]]" against those shops, specifically to allow his fans to go there and buy him gifts.

He tried to provide an incentive, by offering a $500 voucher for his [[Etsy]] shop:

{{quotebox| The FIRST Person who purchases and sends me one, and I receive it Before or On February 24, 2016, I Will make and issue to the person a Big Voucher for $500 off on Cwcville Shopping. Which is equal to Ten Sonichu/Rosechu family Figures (more or less, depending on which ones), so all the person needs to pay on that order is the Shipping, and that order will definitely take up to Eight weeks for material figure acquiring, creations and certification.}}

After his birthday passed with no PS4, Chris uploaded [[Update: 2/25/16]], in which he complained about the lack of gifts, saying he had only gotten empty gift cards and a non-winning lottery ticket. He concluded the video by saying, "thanks for nothing!" In [[March 2016]], Chris [[Sonichu's First PS4 Broadcast|claimed]] that he had received a PS4 from [[Gal Pal E-mails 4#Used Porn for Sale|Kagney Lynn Moore]]. In reality, Chris had bought it himself<ref>[[March 2016 Facebook Posts#PS4 Thanks]]</ref>.

In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Wish list for 2016|posted]] another wish list, days after making [[Pmurt#Death Threats|death threats against President-elect Donald Trump]]. He requested $859.71 worth of toys<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-11-12-chriss-2016-wish-list-transformers-joke.25759/page-4#post-1876942</ref>. He also [[Chris and negotiation|forbade people from sending him gift cards]].

Halfway through November, Chris tweeted that he had bought several of the toys off his own wish list.<ref>[[Twitter#More wish list demands]]</ref>

On 26 November, Chris updated his wish list, removing the items he had bought from it<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Updated wish list]]</ref>and surprisingly not adding more toys, in spite of the [[Help, please]] begging video he had made in the meantime. However, the updated wish list's links were all broken, due to Chris simply copy-and-pasting the message from an earlier post. He failed to notice, even though the post has a large Page Not Found error thumbnail on it.

===YouTube monetization===
Chris has monetized most of the videos which appear on his YouTube channel, as another way of [[Etsy|profiting]] from his internet infamy. As further proof of Chris's entitlement issues, [[CatKnight Interview|Arthur Spatchcock]] discovered that at one point around [[March 2016]], Chris received $80 and was "pissed" that he hadn't gotten more.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496271</ref>

{{quotebox|This is going to become a pattern. Chris is going to do one of his 'Let's Plays' followed by an e-begging video and then polish it off by purchasing some dumb thing he doesn't need in excess of fifty bucks. He knows how this system works and it's the greatest amount of payoff with the least amount of work; the first time when Chris played Destiny he made 80$ from Youtube(And was surprisingly pissed it was that small, fuck that, I want eighty bucks from Youtube). Then he makes a video whining about how he needs more money and lo and behold, he gets even more~! If anything people are contributing to his float and that convinces him he can get away with being frivolous that much more. }}

===Let’s Plays===
In [[March 2016]], [[CatKnight Interview|Arthur Spatchcock]] introduced Chris to the idea of doing Let's Plays to boost his online activity and help him gain some money through YouTube's monetization program<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chrischan-interview-part-4-5-3-28-16.16934/page-16#post-1317924</ref><ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496271</ref>. The plan fell apart after Let's Plays of [[CWC's Destiny start|Destiny]] and [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|Uncharted]], since by that point, Chris was [[Chris and Health|too lazy]] to play video games for money, and he simply wanted to [[Financhu Crisis|beg from his audience]] instead.

===YouTube Support button===
On 23 May 2016, Chris [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|announced]] the debut of a Support button on his YouTube channel to replace the Etsy donation listing (which was forcibly removed due to it violating Etsy's TOS). He apparently got this idea from [[William Elliott Waterman]].<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-24#post-1563368]]</ref>

===Paypal.me===
Announced on 11 [[May 2017]].

{{quotebox|Cwcville Shopping I am the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, with more than eleven comic books worth of content under my helm. Please donate to help me quell my financial problems that quell my creativity. Ruckersville, VA}}

===Prostitution===
On 19 June 2016, aka Father’s Day, Chris decided to become [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|a prostitute]].

He has yet to receive any takers.

===Begging===
{{main|Financhu Crisis}}
[[File:Please, Donate (720p).mp400001.png|thumb|Chris, proving he has zero self-awareness]]
One of the earliest instances of Chris e-begging for money was in [[9 December 2009|December of 2009]]. Chris exhorted his alleged European [[Trolls|fanbase]] to donate €1,000 in order to remove troll ads from the CWCipedia.

In 2014, after his house [[Destruction Of Chris's House|caught fire]], Chris again resorted to e-begging for money, placing extra emphasis on ''"My mother and I really need the money,"'' despite dropping more than '''$5,000''' on expensive [[Lego]] sets to feed his worsening addiction. One would think that Chris would have wised up to the fact that his wanton spending and lack of gainful employment are contributing to his woes, but one glance at his [[May 2014 Facebook Posts]] could easily tell you that he's seeing his situation as an avenue to get stuff from people, the most ridiculous of which being a "$300 Sea Cow" on his wish list, which would not benefit anybody but himself in the slightest.

In 2016, Chris's e-begging drastically increased, as a result of the Chandlers' stubborn refusal to live within their means. That year saw Chris spend over $1,000 on toys, while both Chris and Barb had court cases resolved which penalized them with steep costs. In addition, Barb joined in to the begging, appearing in three videos so far.<ref>[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]]</ref><ref>[[Donations Requested, Please]]</ref><ref>[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]</ref>

He asked for donations, or at least mentioned them, in many of the posts and videos he made in 2015 through 2016. At first, this was supposedly to fund his production of Sonichu merchandise, but he later shifted to saying that he and Barb needed help with paying the bills and buying groceries. While it's entirely possible that Chris was simply lying to get more money for [[Lego|useless]] [[Video games|crap]], this indicates that the financial hardships, which [[White knights|many]] [[Trolls|people]] have warned him about, have finally arrived. Only time will tell how his financial situation ultimately plays out, but given his attitude and inaction, the future definitely doesn't seem bright.

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris in real life. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[United States of America|American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref>

While legislating as mayor of [[CWCville]], he equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, ''à la'' [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]]. States, let alone cities, cannot print their own money, despite holding considerable power over their own affairs. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. However, it has been somewhat common for companies, communities and local governments to issue localized currency known as 'scrip', a depression era practice still seen from time to time. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class likely is wholly unaware of this information.

On the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu, Chris wrote that [[Rosechu]] is usually the one who cooks for her family, but when Sonichu cooks for his wife and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|kids]] he "will go as HIGH in portions as a Banquet", even though he only cooks for five individuals.<ref name=>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Married Life and Children Sonichu]</ref> This suggest that Sonichu is just as frivolous with money as his father.

===Soup hotels===

Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, beds, lighting and cable television.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#This still implies that CWCville has a massive homeless problem]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

==In other works==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, ''à-la'' the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

In [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris loses his mind|Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp, pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating education|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s.

In real life, according to Chris, he tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. He said the prostitute then hung up on him.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping. This is paralleled by his real life situation - with [[Bob]] gone, one would assume that he'd be the "man of the house" and assume some responsibility for once. Unfortunately, as evidenced by his [[This is how the Trial went|admission in court,]] Barb is still pulling his ass out of any such concept by paying his court fees. Keep in mind that, by extension, Chris is being minded by an ailing woman's retirement money which was used to bail him out of a mess that ''he'' started, while he wastes his own money on meaningless frivolities.

== Conclusion ==

Given Chris's carefree abandon when it comes to his spending habits, many are actually concerned as to what will happen to Chris when Barb passes on and he has to fend for himself. If past (and present) experiences are any indication, it's that if Chris continues on his path of not saving his money and spending it on frivolous crap that he doesn't need, he'll wind up broke and in severe debt. A [[Mumble_4|past conversation]] with [[Clyde Cash]] revealed that he doesn't even know the basic expenses that go into running a household, and we all know how Chris's plan of [[PlayingHouse|marrying a sweetheart to dump all of the financial responsibilities on her]] will [[Sweetheart#Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?|turn out.]]

Long story short, if Chris doesn't start saving for his future now, then when Barb finally passes on, he won't have one to look forward to. And he'll have nobody to blame but himself. ''(Not that he won't try, of course.)''

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]
*[[Financhu Crisis]]
*[[Lego]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{BusinessList}}

Chris and gender

2017-07-08T18:30:42Z

Lysistrata:

{{Incomplete}}
Nowadays, [[Chris]] is struggling to figure out his true '''gender'''. He is physically a [[male]] but [[Tomgirl Saga|currently]] identifies as [[Girls|female]]. However, for someone so preoccupied with gender identity, Chris displays a staggering ignorance of how either gender typically behaves, and his views of both genders are extremely warped due to him taking the stereotypes he is presented with in [[Chris and television|television]] and [[Netflix|other media]] [[Autism|at face value]]. The result is that he often manages to come off as both a misogynist and a misandrist.

== Misogyny ==
Due to Chris's ignorance, he has gathered most of his knowledge of gender through media such as [[television]] and [[music]]. Chris views females as [[Sex tape|hyper-sexual]], [[Mall|preoccupied with shopping]], [[Animal Crossing Documentary|given to conversing with others for hours]], and fixated on [[PlayingHouse|getting married and having children]]. This is highly evident in his female characters in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', most prominently in [[Rosechu (character)|his Rosechu character]], whose "personality" consists solely of the traits listed above, which is considered ironic as Chris constantly tries to show Rosechu with a passion for [[Women's rights|Women's Rights]]. Despite trying to portray them as being equal in power to their [[Sonichu (species)|male counterparts]], Chris rarely depicts [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] fighting, more often simply leaving them on the sidelines of a battle to wail like damsels in distress, even when their boyfriends are in mortal danger. Even outside battle, they tend to be little more than organic sex toys for the Sonichus.

Chris's vision of an ideal relationship is also sexist. On several occasions, Chris eagerly suggested having a MFF threesome, but was horrified when Ivy suggested a MMF threesome.<ref>[[Ivy_Q&A#Love and marriage]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Chris also deemed it acceptable for him to go to a strip club when stressed, but considered it immoral for women to do the same. When approached about his sexism, Chris [[Stress|becomes offended]]. His usual defence is that that he has never harmed a woman (despite numerous [[death threats]]). This suggests Chris believes that misogyny consists solely of physical abuse of women.

In recent years, despite claiming to revere them, Chris's attitude towards women has slowly become yet more sinister, demanding and aggressive. In the [[Catherine E-mails]] leaked in 2014, Chris got annoyed when Catherine said no to a relationship, insulted her and claimed he is '''entitled''' to the relationship. He even went on to try to guilt trip her, saying that she should "appreciate the the hard work and effort I had put into US!!!", even though shortly before that he was abusing her friends and telling her what she could and couldn't do, all behaviors eerily resemblant of those of a domestic abuser.

In early 2015, a female troll concerned by Chris's unrepentant stance on his [[26 December 2014|aggression at GameStop]] contacted Chris under the name Renee, and attempted to persuade him to seek psychological help. Instead, Chris tried to beg her to date him (even though she had already clearly stated she had a boyfriend) and taking her well-meaning request as an insult, he wished "Renee" and her boyfriend a slow demise in a [[Destruction of Chris's House|house fire]]...then tried to beg her to date him again a few days later.<ref>[[Open_Relationship_E-mails#Renee E-mails]]</ref> The ultimate message here is that Chris doesn't care who you are, what you have to say or what your intentions are. He only cares what kind of sexual organs you have, and if he has a shot at claiming them.

== Misandry ==
Chris has harbored a deep hatred for [[JERKS|men]] ever since his teenage years, because he was bullied in grade school (largely because of his bloated [[ego]] making him extremely annoying to be around), and later because [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|seeing other guys scoring]] when he was failing miserably at it pissed him off. This gradually blossomed into a general distaste for masculine traits such as body [[hair]]; indeed, in his [[nudes]] it is apparent that he is surprisingly meticulous in shaving his body hair, certainly compared to [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|other aspects of grooming]]. He also has stated, as shown in this [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video]], a disgust for "topless men" and [[Brassieres For Males|encourages men]] to wear [[muscle bra]]s so he doesn't have to see their nipples. He even made a (now somewhat outdated) short list of the men he doesn't consider "jerks", which included himself, his [[Bob Chandler|father]] and [[Santa Clause]] ''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and English|sic]]<nowiki>]</nowiki>''.

Since becoming a "tomgirl", Chris's misandry has not abated. In recent years he has variously referred to men in general as "barbarians" and "Neanderthals", which, coming from him, are rather ironic accusations for [[Death threats|a]] [[14 Branchland Court|number]] [[Chris and racism|of]] [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|reasons]].

== [[Tomgirl Saga]] ==
In April 2011, [[Tomgirl Pictures|photos]] were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] showing Chris dressed in women's clothes. Soon after Chris announced he was a "Tomgirl". Chris being a tomgirl has resulted in him wearing [[Chris and fashion#Chris's Tomgirl Fashion Sense|feminine clothes]], a brief attempt at [[Un-clit|piercing his taint]], and growing long hair. Despite this, Chris still rigidly maintains he is attracted solely to women.

There is still speculation as to why he has done this. Chris may have believed that joining the female community would aid his Love Quest, which naturally it hasn't, and indeed, any sensible person can see that identifying as a lesbian actually shrinks his pool of potential sweethearts, given that lesbians are a minority group.

However, Chris has recently made several telling statements that indicate he believes that he can use his gender confusion to his advantage. For example, on various occasions, Chris has made statements to the effect of him being [[Chris and reality|"compatible with all women"]], or that he can [[HelloLadyFans|"go any way [a woman] desire[s]"]]. Statements like these show that he believes that by identifying as a female while remaining biologically male he can appeal to women of all sexualities, although it remains unclear if this is his main reason for crossdressing, or indeed whether it was a premeditated reason for it at all, or merely an idea he came up with later. Needless to say, this too is pure folly; a willingness to date folks with penises is hardly a given among lesbians, and most straight women would be put off by Chris's crossdressing. Not to mention that both lesbian and straight women alike would probably be put off by the sheer desperation he displays in essentially saying that he'd be willing to change genders just to get laid, and that's without even considering the squalor he lives in, his bizarre, unkempt appearance, or his many personality flaws.

Chris also may have done this in hopes that trolls would stop suggesting he likes "[[Homos|the wrong gender]]". Some just believe Chris has been [[TRUE and HONEST]] and has always felt this way, despite little evidence. Regardless of the reason, the Tomgirl Saga has continued to this day. Despite being self-described as a "lesbian in a male body", and even showing off pictures of him slapping Human Rights Campaign stickers all over his [[Son-Chu|car]], Chris still seems to be rendered very uncomfortable by gay men, although he has slowly backed down from his bigotry towards them, possibly recognizing that his disdain for them is irrational even by his standards.

However, being transgender does not stop him from prejudice against other transgenders; during his quest against [[Jeff/Francine]], who is also trans, Chris calls her a "pretty little lady-man", a "he-she", and even "Mistress Jeff" showing that even after his transformation into a Tomgirl, Chris is still Chris.

== See also ==
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Muscle bra]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris and...]]

26 December 2014

2017-01-23T19:39:20Z

Lysistrata:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was one of the more eventful days of Chris's life, certainly since [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduating high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with [[Wikipedia:Pepper spray|pepper spray]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force local retailers to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every [[GameStop]] within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] (from which he may have already been banned) with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet.

While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise and had banned him accordingly. They had been on the lookout for him, suggesting this wasn't the first time he tried to return after being banned. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying unconvincingly, committing further acts of vandalism may indeed have been his real agenda that day.

Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and many details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, meaning Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at home.

On 28 [[December 2014|December]], a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when [[Tumblr]] user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It later became viral and one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Notably, Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, either because he was unaware of its existence or aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, monozettai's inbox was flooded with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in [[Gamestop]] looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Soon after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, even though the footage does not support this claim, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local [[GameStop]]s (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of [[December 2014|December]] to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the [[Fashion Square]] [[GameStop]], and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New [https://www.skylanders.com/characters/blastermind Skylander Figure: Blastermind]. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace again. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. It was seen as a disturbing indicator that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]].

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a no-contact order on Chris as part of his bail conditions.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to have been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at [[mcdonalds]] on the way (not the [[ruckersville]] one across from [[walmart]]), because it was on 29 toward [[c-ville]]. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a [[Transformers|decepticon]] than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable ''[sic]'' was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and [[Burger King]] – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” [[Barb]]’s [[Wikipedia:BMW Z3|Z-3]] had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two [[Jerk|MALES]]. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FI9INA16FaQ}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to the predictions of many, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing [[Chris and fashion|an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow]]. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of [[Wikipedia:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]] with [[Tomgirl|Ms. Caitlyn Jenner]] on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like [[Wikipedia:Mr. Peanut|Mr. Peanut]]. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up [[Sega]] executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that [[Son-Chu]] was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his [[autism|atismu]]. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his [[noviophobia]]. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation were not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was [[Rocky]].

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the [[Wikipedia:Public defender|PD]] came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

==Epilogue==
[[File:Chris burying his mace - credit to Crumbs.jpeg|thumb|Artist's depiction of Chris disposing of the pepper spray.]]
Chris's probation expired on 11 April 2016 and he paid his court costs of $541 on July 1 of that year.

A year after his assault crime, Chris commented on it in [[Group Embargo on GameStop, Best Buy, and Simon Shopping Centers]]. He claimed to be [[Chris and remorse|remorseful]] of what he had done and implored GameStop and Fashion Square Mall to unban him. He then followed up on his apology by threatening to accuse them of discriminating against "a high-functioning autistic, lesbian trans woman, famous author, with headache-inducing mental handicaps." Furthermore, he threatened to report the '''employee he had maced''' to the Better Business Bureau on suspicion that he had been holding a job at both GameStop and Best Buy.

Needless to say, Chris's bans were not overturned.

As for the mace, Chris claimed that he "had emptied the thing of pepper spray, downward into a nearby hole—big hole—outside, and disposed of said canister into the hole."

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away and raise his arms, probably in an attempt to wipe or rub his now maced eyes. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Ass Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]]

==References==
<references />
{{Relics of Fail}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Field agent videos]]

User:Lysistrata

2016-12-27T11:59:15Z

Lysistrata:

{{Template:Armchair Psychologist}}
{{Template:Atheist}}
{{Template:Britfag}}
{{Template:GrammarNazi}}
{{Template:Homo}}
{{Template:AssBurger}}
{{Template:Observer}}

User:Lysistrata

2016-12-27T11:58:27Z

Lysistrata:

{{Template:Armchair Psychologist}}
{{Template:Atheist}}
{{Template:Britfag}}
{{Template:GrammarNazi}}
{{Template:Homo}}
{{Template:AssBurger}}
{{Template:Observer}}
{{Template:PS3}}

CWCville

2016-11-16T16:53:24Z

Lysistrata: /* Government and politics */

{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

{{Quote|The city of CWCville, a vibrant community with happy people, [[boyfriend-free girl|cool chicks]] and a [[virgin with rage|frustrated male]]...|Narrator, [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]<ref>[[:File:SchuComic3Page30.jpg]]</ref>}}
'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of [[Chris and Reality|reality]] and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Chris and his Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to CWCville, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]]. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts, such as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkop]]s and resurrecting his dead dog, is due to the fact that in CWCville, his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world, where he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville, or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly attempted to redact the statement claiming "I am still the mayor of CWCville, there is [sic] no elections."<ref> Chris-chan discusses </ref> <ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

[[File:1920px-2008-0830-Charlottesville-DowntownMall.jpg|thumb|left|CWCville, as portrayed by Chris in his videos.]]
Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes"; as if Cincinnati or [[Ohio trip|Cleveland]], for example, were less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found in Sonic the Hedgehog's world.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that he didn't give himself Presidency over a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. It may be that this apparent restraint on Chris's part is evidence of his extremely limited worldview in which his entire world centers around his immediate surroundings, namely his hometown of Ruckersville and nearby Charlottesville. This weak sense of one's surroundings is a trait which is typically seen only in young children who have yet to experience enough of life to develop an understanding that there is more to the world than their immediate surroundings. Yet even in his ultimate self-serving fantasy, in which he's given himself unchecked power for life, Chris, in his stunted imagination, has only titled himself mayor of a city, which based on his maps consists of so few buildings it would only qualify as a village or hamlet in real life (although this could also be explained by his physical and mental laziness). He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripoff]], but he actually let someone else rule it. All this suggests that, at least in terms of his understanding of the world, Chris lags behind even an early grade school age child.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to pronounce, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}
{{Quote|Is CWCVille under martial law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]]}}
[[Image:0858-Cwcville7.JPG|thumb|left|The great <strike>dictator</strike> director on his throne]]
[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris [[Obesity|needs an arrow]] [[Chris and his Ego|pointing to himself]]]].

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville, in fact all records and symbols of the old regime appear to have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen in the comic. However, since Chris believes CWCVille exists in an alternate universe, and the events in the comic seem to broadly mirror Chris's own reality (insofar as is pleasing to him), it can be assumed that Bob was still alive while Chris was mayor. This, coupled with the complete absence of any visual evidence of Bob's rule, suggests that Chris overthrew him, and perhaps still has him rotting in secret imprisonment somewhere. However, between Chris's stunted writing ability, laziness and ad-hoc manner of storytelling, it's unlikely we'll ever know for certain.

CWCville is, in theory, part of the [[United States of America]], but in practice, it seems to be a quasi-independent city-state, similar to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piEayQ0T-qA Hong Kong and Macau] in [[China]]. The city does not follow American electoral law, uses its own currency, and has several characteristics anathema to U.S. ideals. The city seems more like the private domain of the Mayor than part of a larger federation.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" for which there is no voting.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> The non-elected leader does what he pleases as Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> The right to vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville). Despite allowing elections for Board of Director Members,<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref> Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. For example, he does not discuss attacking the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building with them, he just tells them the "game plan" as a ''fait accompli''. In all, CWCVille's government more resembles an absolute monarchy or the Roman Republic under Caesar than any American polity.

[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, claiming that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#Apparently North Korea's not a dictatorship|inherited the town from his father]], even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary.<ref>*The [[Wikipedia:Assad family|Assad dynasty]] in Syria *The [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti *The [[Wikipedia:Laurent-Désiré Kabila|Kabila]] [[Wikipedia:Joseph Kabila|dynasty]] in DR Congo *The [[Wikipedia:Kim dynasty (North Korea)|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea The [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran </ref>

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]],<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref> but later decided not to. On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris chan Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

[[File:SchuComic10P78.jpg|thumb|left|The Mayor addresses his people]]

A self-proclaimed police force don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random. [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Sonichu (comic)|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]]. Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest an official with the capability of ultra-human powers, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the comic|immunity from prosecution]].<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and subjected to a show trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet<ref name="Jackie Chat #3">[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>, and the Mayor's hedgehog friends receive free housing, credit cards and other gifts from his office, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacky|Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry, which by all reasonable analysis, means it is very likely one of the single most-smuggled contraband items into CWCville writ large, fetching black marketeers windfall profits.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house a population of 900-1,800 indigents (meaning the small city of CWCville has a homeless population of at least 10,000), and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Kevin the Jew|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref name="Jackie Chat #3"/>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:EmperorChris.png|How Chris sees himself as Cwcville's ruler.
Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|Artist's deception of CWCville's beloved Mayor.
Image:Big-brother-is-watching-you-94815124855.png|The future of CWCville.
</gallery> </center>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20130210092136/http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles] (archive from 10 Feb 2013)
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]

CWCville

2016-10-16T03:45:02Z

Lysistrata: /* Government and politics */

{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

{{Quote|The city of CWCville, a vibrant community with happy people, [[boyfriend-free girl|cool chicks]] and a [[virgin with rage|frustrated male]]...|Narrator, [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]<ref>[[:File:SchuComic3Page30.jpg]]</ref>}}
'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of [[Chris and Reality|reality]] and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Chris and his Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to CWCville, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]]. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts, such as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkop]]s and resurrecting his dead dog, is due to the fact that in CWCville, his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world, where he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville, or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly attempted to redact the statement claiming "I am still the mayor of CWCville, there is [sic] no elections."<ref> Chris-chan discusses </ref> <ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

[[File:1920px-2008-0830-Charlottesville-DowntownMall.jpg|thumb|left|CWCville, as portrayed by Chris in his videos.]]
Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes"; as if Chicago or [[Ohio trip|Cleveland]], for example, were less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found in Sonic the Hedgehog's world.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that he didn't give himself Presidency over a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. It may be that this apparent restraint on Chris's part is evidence of his extremely limited worldview in which his entire world centers around his immediate surroundings, namely his hometown of Ruckersville and nearby Charlottesville. This weak sense of one's surroundings is a trait which is typically seen only in young children who have yet to experience enough of life to develop an understanding that there is more to the world than their immediate surroundings. Yet even in his ultimate self-serving fantasy, in which he's given himself unchecked power for life, Chris, in his stunted imagination, has only titled himself mayor of a city, which based on his maps consists of so few buildings it would only qualify as a village or hamlet in real life (although this could also be explained by his physical and mental laziness). He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripoff]], but he actually let someone else rule it. All this suggests that, at least in terms of his understanding of the world, Chris lags behind even an early grade school age child.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to pronounce, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}
{{Quote|Is CWCVille under martial law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]]}}
[[Image:0858-Cwcville7.JPG|thumb|left|The great <strike>dictator</strike> director on his throne]]
[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris [[Obesity|needs an arrow]] [[Chris and his Ego|pointing to himself]]]].

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville, in fact all records and symbols of the old regime appear to have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen in the comic. However, since Chris believes CWCVille exists in an alternate universe, and the events in the comic seem to broadly mirror Chris's own reality (insofar as is pleasing to him), it can be assumed that Bob was still alive while Chris was mayor. This, coupled with the complete absence of any visual evidence of Bob's rule, suggests that Chris overthrew him, and perhaps still has him rotting in secret imprisonment somewhere. However, between Chris's stunted writing ability and his ad-hoc manner of storytelling, it's unlikely we'll ever know for certain.

CWCville is, in theory, part of the [[United States of America]], but in practice, it seems to be a quasi-independent city-state, similar to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piEayQ0T-qA Hong Kong and Macau] in [[China]]. The city does not follow American electoral law, uses its own currency, and has several characteristics anathema to U.S. ideals. The city seems more like the private domain of the Mayor than part of a larger federation.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" for which there is no voting.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> The non-elected leader does what he pleases as Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> The right to vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville). Despite allowing elections for Board of Director Members,<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref> Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. For example, he does not discuss attacking the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building with them, he just tells them the "game plan" as a ''fait accompli''. In all, CWCVille's government more resembles an absolute monarchy or the Roman Republic under Caesar than any American polity.

[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, claiming that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#Apparently North Korea's not a dictatorship|inherited the town from his father]], even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary.<ref>*The [[Wikipedia:Assad family|Assad dynasty]] in Syria *The [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti *The [[Wikipedia:Laurent-Désiré Kabila|Kabila]] [[Wikipedia:Joseph Kabila|dynasty]] in DR Congo *The [[Wikipedia:Kim dynasty (North Korea)|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea The [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran </ref>

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]],<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref> but later decided not to. On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris chan Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

[[File:SchuComic10P78.jpg|thumb|left|The Mayor addresses his people]]

A self-proclaimed police force don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random. [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Sonichu (comic)|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]]. Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest an official with the capability of ultra-human powers, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the comic|immunity from prosecution]].<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and subjected to a show trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet<ref name="Jackie Chat #3">[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>, and the Mayor's hedgehog friends receive free housing, credit cards and other gifts from his office, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacky|Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry, which by all reasonable analysis, means it is very likely one of the single most-smuggled contraband items into CWCville writ large, fetching black marketeers windfall profits.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house a population of 900-1,800 indigents (meaning the small city of CWCville has a homeless population of at least 10,000), and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Kevin the Jew|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref name="Jackie Chat #3"/>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:EmperorChris.png|How Chris sees himself as Cwcville's ruler.
Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|Artist's deception of CWCville's beloved Mayor.
Image:Big-brother-is-watching-you-94815124855.png|The future of CWCville.
</gallery> </center>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20130210092136/http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles] (archive from 10 Feb 2013)
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]

CWCville

2016-09-22T01:02:57Z

Lysistrata:

{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

{{Quote|The city of CWCville, a vibrant community with happy people, [[boyfriend-free girl|cool chicks]] and a [[virgin with rage|frustrated male]]...|Narrator, [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]<ref>[[:File:SchuComic3Page30.jpg]]</ref>}}
'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of [[Chris and Reality|reality]] and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Chris and his Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to CWCville, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]]. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts, such as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkop]]s and resurrecting his dead dog, is due to the fact that in CWCville, his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world, where he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville, or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly attempted to redact the statement claiming "I am still the mayor of CWCville, there is [sic] no elections."<ref> Chris-chan discusses </ref> <ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

[[File:1920px-2008-0830-Charlottesville-DowntownMall.jpg|thumb|left|CWCville, as portrayed by Chris in his videos.]]
Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes"; as if Chicago or [[Ohio trip|Cleveland]], for example, were less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found in Sonic the Hedgehog's world.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that he didn't give himself Presidency over a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. It may be that this apparent restraint on Chris's part is evidence of his extremely limited worldview in which his entire world centers around his immediate surroundings, namely his hometown of Ruckersville and nearby Charlottesville. This weak sense of one's surroundings is a trait which is typically seen only in young children who have yet to experience enough of life to develop an understanding that there is more to the world than their immediate surroundings. Yet even in his ultimate self-serving fantasy, in which he's given himself unchecked power for life, Chris, in his stunted imagination, has only titled himself mayor of a city, which based on his maps consists of so few buildings it would only qualify as a village or hamlet in real life (although this could also be explained by his physical and mental laziness). He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripoff]], but he actually let someone else rule it. All this suggests that, at least in terms of his understanding of the world, Chris lags behind even an early grade school age child.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to pronounce, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}
[[Image:0858-Cwcville7.JPG|thumb|left|The great <strike>dictator</strike> director on his throne]]
[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris [[Obesity|needs an arrow]] [[Chris and his Ego|pointing to himself]]]].

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville, in fact all records and symbols of the old regime appear to have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen in the comic. However, since Chris believes CWCVille exists in an alternate universe, and the events in the comic seem to broadly mirror Chris's own reality (insofar as is pleasing to him), it can be assumed that Bob was still alive while Chris was mayor. This, coupled with the complete absence of any visual evidence of Bob's rule, suggests that Chris overthrew him, and perhaps still has him rotting in secret imprisonment somewhere. However, between Chris's stunted writing ability and his ad-hoc manner of storytelling, it's unlikely we'll ever know for certain.

CWCville is, in theory, part of the [[United States of America]], but in practice, it seems to be a quasi-independent city-state, similar to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piEayQ0T-qA Hong Kong and Macau] in [[China]]. The city does not follow American electoral law, uses its own currency, and has several characteristics anathema to U.S. ideals. The city seems more like the private domain of the Mayor than part of a larger federation.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" for which there is no voting.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> The non-elected leader does what he pleases as Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> The right to vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville). Despite allowing elections for Board of Director Members,<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref> Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. For example, he does not discuss attacking the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building with them, he just tells them the "game plan" as a ''fait accompli''. In all, CWCVille's government more resembles an absolute monarchy or the Roman Republic under Caesar than any American polity.

[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, claiming that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#Apparently North Korea's not a dictatorship|inherited the town from his father]], even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary.<ref>*The [[Wikipedia:Assad family|Assad dynasty]] in Syria *The [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti *The [[Wikipedia:Laurent-Désiré Kabila|Kabila]] [[Wikipedia:Joseph Kabila|dynasty]] in DR Congo *The [[Wikipedia:Kim dynasty (North Korea)|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea The [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran </ref>

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]],<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref> but later decided not to. On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris chan Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

[[File:SchuComic10P78.jpg|thumb|left|The Mayor addresses his people]]

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random. [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Sonichu (comic)|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]]. Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the comic|immunity from prosecution]].<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and subjected to a show trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet<ref name="Jackie Chat #3">[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>, and the Mayor's hedgehog friends receive free housing, credit cards and other gifts from his office, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacky|Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry, which by all reasonable analysis, means it is very likely one of the single most-smuggled contraband items into CWCville writ large, fetching black marketeers windfall profits.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house a population of 900-1,800 indigents (meaning the small city of CWCville has a homeless population of at least 10,000), and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Kevin the Jew|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref name="Jackie Chat #3"/>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:EmperorChris.png|How Chris sees himself as Cwcville's ruler.
Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|Artist's deception of CWCville's beloved Mayor.
Image:Big-brother-is-watching-you-94815124855.png|The future of CWCville.
</gallery> </center>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20130210092136/http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles] (archive from 10 Feb 2013)
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]

CWCville

2016-09-22T00:59:32Z

Lysistrata:

{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

{{Quote|The city of CWCville, a vibrant community with happy people, [[boyfriend-free girl|cool chicks]] and a [[virgin with rage|frustrated male]]...|Narrator, [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]<ref>[[:File:SchuComic3Page30.jpg]]</ref>}}
'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of [[Chris and Reality|reality]] and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Chris and his Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to CWCville, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]]. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts, such as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkop]]s and resurrecting his dead dog, is due to the fact that in CWCville, his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world, where he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville, or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly attempted to redact the statement claiming "I am still the mayor of CWCville, there is [sic] no elections."<ref> Chris-chan discusses </ref> <ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

[[File:1920px-2008-0830-Charlottesville-DowntownMall.jpg|thumb|left|CWCville, as portrayed by Chris in his videos.]]
Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes"; as if Chicago or [[Ohio trip|Cleveland]], for example, were less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found in Sonic the Hedgehog's world.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that he didn't give himself Presidency over a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. It may be that this apparent restraint on Chris's part is evidence of his extremely limited worldview in which his entire world centers around his immediate surroundings, namely his hometown of Ruckersville and nearby Charlottesville. This weak sense of one's surroundings is a trait which is typically seen only in young children who have yet to experience enough of life to develop an understanding that there is more to the world than their immediate surroundings. Yet even in his ultimate self-serving fantasy, in which he's given himself unchecked power for life, Chris, in his stunted imagination, has only titled himself mayor of a city, which based on his maps consists of so few buildings it would only qualify as a village or hamlet in real life (although this could also be explained by his physical and mental laziness). He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripoff]], but he actually let someone else rule it. All this suggests that, at least in terms of his understanding of the world, Chris lags behind even an early grade school age child.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to pronounce, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}
[[Image:0858-Cwcville7.JPG|thumb|left|The great <strike>dictator</strike> director on his throne]]
[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris [[Obesity|needs an arrow]] [[Chris and his Ego|pointing to himself]]]].

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville, in fact all records and symbols of the old regime appear to have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen in the comic. However, since Chris believes CWCVille exists in an alternate universe, and the events in the comic seem to broadly mirror Chris's own reality (insofar as is pleasing to him), it can be assumed that Bob is still alive. This, coupled with the complete absence of any visual evidence of Bob's rule, suggests that Chris overthrew him, and perhaps still has him rotting in secret imprisonment somewhere. However, between Chris's stunted writing ability and his ad-hoc manner of storytelling, it's unlikely we'll ever know for certain.

CWCville is, in theory, part of the [[United States of America]], but in practice, it seems to be a quasi-independent city-state, similar to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piEayQ0T-qA Hong Kong and Macau] in [[China]]. The city does not follow American electoral law, uses its own currency, and has several characteristics anathema to U.S. ideals. The city seems more like the private domain of the Mayor than part of a larger federation.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" for which there is no voting.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> The non-elected leader does what he pleases as Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> The right to vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville). Despite allowing elections for Board of Director Members,<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref> Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. For example, he does not discuss attacking the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building with them, he just tells them the "game plan" as a ''fait accompli''. In all, CWCVille's government more resembles an absolute monarchy or the Roman Republic under Caesar than any American polity.

[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, claiming that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#Apparently North Korea's not a dictatorship|inherited the town from his father]], even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary.<ref>*The [[Wikipedia:Assad family|Assad dynasty]] in Syria *The [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti *The [[Wikipedia:Laurent-Désiré Kabila|Kabila]] [[Wikipedia:Joseph Kabila|dynasty]] in DR Congo *The [[Wikipedia:Kim dynasty (North Korea)|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea The [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran </ref>

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]],<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref> but later decided not to. On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris chan Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

[[File:SchuComic10P78.jpg|thumb|left|The Mayor addresses his people]]

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random. [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Sonichu (comic)|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]]. Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the comic|immunity from prosecution]].<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and subjected to a show trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet<ref name="Jackie Chat #3">[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>, and the Mayor's hedgehog friends receive free housing, credit cards and other gifts from his office, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacky|Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry, which by all reasonable analysis, means it is very likely one of the single most-smuggled contraband items into CWCville writ large, fetching black marketeers windfall profits.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house a population of 900-1,800 indigents (meaning the small city of CWCville has a homeless population of at least 10,000), and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Kevin the Jew|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref name="Jackie Chat #3"/>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:EmperorChris.png|How Chris sees himself as Cwcville's ruler.
Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|Artist's deception of CWCville's beloved Mayor.
Image:Big-brother-is-watching-you-94815124855.png|The future of CWCville.
</gallery> </center>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20130210092136/http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles] (archive from 10 Feb 2013)
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]

List of unheroic protagonist actions

2016-09-22T00:20:51Z

Lysistrata:

{{Incomplete}}

A recurring tragicomic element of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] is how Chris [[Chris and writing|''tries'' to characterize]] the protagonists of his comic as [[Rollin' and Trollin'|badass]], [[Honor roll|insightful]], and [[Holding out for a hero|heroic]] yet instead unfailingly depicts his heroes as [[media:SchuComic9P37.jpg|immature]], [[media:SchuComic3Page04.jpg|maladroit]], and at times nigh on [[media:SchuComic10P35.jpg|morally bankrupt]]. Over time, the characters have engaged in enough unintentional buffoonery and villainy to easily fill an entire '''list of unheroic protagonist actions'''. While any protagonist [[Collosal Chan|worth reading about]] will have some flaws, from [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]'s temper to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s hyperactivity, the number of vices the Sonichu characters possess are too numerable to shrug them off as portrayals of [[Liquid Chris|flawed but ultimately heroic]] characters, but rather show them as [[Ian Brandon Anderson|obliviously yet undeniably evil]].

==Recurring Shenanigans==
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|This is neither [[Jerkhief|the first]] nor the [[Mary Lee Walsh|last time]] Chris further abuses [[Sonichu Special 4|a defeated opponent.]]]]
* The [[Pokémon]] in this series often are at least as intelligent as human beings, yet various humans tote and order them around as personal servants. This was a problem with the original series as well, but Chris doesn't even attempt to address this issue in his comic. This creates stupidity like the comic finding nothing wrong with Trainer [[Kel]] pimping out her Dragonite to slake Rosechu's lust while simultaneously finding it unremarkable that [[Kevin_the_Jew|human children can date Pokémon]].
* The protagonists are completely submissive to their raging libidos. The characters are extremely quick to hop in the sack with whoever strikes their fancy, often having known their partners for mere days or even ''hours'' beforehand. Aside from showing a lack of self-control, their hypersexuality has directly led the protagonists into danger. They tend to become uncontrollably aroused at the drop of a hat, even in the middle of an invasion of their precious city or confronting their adversaries. Needless to say, it's all very telling of the author's own [[Chris and sex|twisted views on sex and relationships]].
* The characters are overly vindictive when they have any sort of advantage over their foes. [[Manajerks#Merried_Seinor_Comic.2FKirby|Mutilation]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell|sexual assault]], and of course [[4-cent_garbage.com|mass]] [[Sonichu 9|murder]] are always on the table no matter how mildly they were originally antagonised. This is in marked contrast to the basic morality of any [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|non-ironic]] [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hero]], where instigating or escalating a fight or seeking any revenge past what's necessary to stop a villain from committing crimes is a huge no-no.
* The heroes show absolutely no aptitude for any fighting strategy that's not 'run up to the bad guy and use superpowers until they stop'. They're unable to anticipate [[Silvana|special techniques]] or [[Dark Mirror Hole|strategies]] from their foes, have trouble doing basic coordination of attacks (unless it's to gang up on Black Sonichu), and can't perform any combat feats not constrained in the paradigm of plot-device items or the narrow application of Pokemon moves.
* [[CWCVille]]'s "government" is a nightmarish monstrosity of human rights violations and poor resource allocation that, unsurprisingly, fails to provide basic safety for its citizens. By far the most popular stock parody of Chris's work is to depict the city as a Kafkaesque dystopia that only exists to fulfill the puerile whims of its dictator-for-life mayor. What's more, this only requires a ''slight'' exaggeration of CWCVille's unsavory traits. None of the heroes, of course, have a problem with how CWCville is run, and in fact are shown to be the mayor's cronies, with complete immunity from the law, and receive free houses, credit cards and other gifts from the mayor, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.
* Fight scenes involving the main characters often have them beating up [[jerkop|jerkops]], innocent, mentally handicapped people who've been brainwashed into becoming [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s evil minions. It's not until ''Sonichu #9'' that anybody even tries to cure them of their brainwashing. Even then, it's explicitly mentioned that the "heroes" have killed several jerkops, knowing full well they are victims rather than villains.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
===Episode #1: Sonichu's Origin===
* Sonic just sort of disappears after crashing into Pikachu, and takes the credit for Sonichu's fight against the Perfect Chaos Monster. Sonichu isn't bothered by this and even names himself after the guy who ran him over and immediately abdicated an important battle.
===Episode #2: Sonichu in 'Genesis of the Lovehogs'===
* Sonichu stalks Rosechu to her home and spies on her through the window rather than introducing himself to her like a normal person.
* Kel straight-up pimps out her Pokémon to each other. To be fair, this happens in the video games, but it's rather jarring to see outside of a game mechanics context.
===Episode #3: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc===
* [[Giovanni]]'s son [[Naitsirhc]] is shown to have ''at least'' two Legendary Pokémon and sports even more in the team Chris describes him having. Combined with how no trainers from the video games or the anime appear in the series, this places ''Sonichu'' in a grimdark world where Team Rocket was victorious over Ash and friends, whose bodies are presumably decaying in shallow graves somewhere outside Saffron City.

===Classic Sonichu Strips===
* [[Vamprosa|Rosechu]], a protagonist, is shown as a vampire, an undead monster that sustains its existence by draining the blood of others.
* When the comic was originally written, no reason was given in the fiction for Chris and Sonichu to attack [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. She is not depicted as doing anything more evil than merely ''existing'' and saying "Hee Hee" and "Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"
* No reason is given as to why Chris and Sonichu only get one shot at defeating Mary Lee Walsh. If they had missed, would they simply have left Mary to do whatever presumably evil thing she was doing?
* Rosechu does nothing but look on and say "Oh no!" while Chris is being beaten by Mary Lee Walsh's mecha-Jerkops, despite supposedly having equal power to Sonichu.

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Episode #4: Black Sonichu in ''Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!''===
* Did Giovanni snip off Black Sonichu's balls like a naughty poodle after he mildly sassed his son? Chris-chan sets up a potentially interesting plot twist -- a clone pretends fealty to their evil creators only to bide his time and betray them -- but then takes his sweet time resolving this subplot while Blachu sublimates his role as the villains' bitch. If Black Sonichu realized that he was forcefed a pack of bullshit and propaganda, why did he cheerfully go along with his handlers for so long before joining the forces of "good"?

===Episode #5: Sonichu in ''Informal Meeting''===
* A map of the area on page twelve shows that Sonic lives fairly close to Giovanni's undisguised headquarters. Why Sonic remained oblivious of and/or ignored the existence of Pokémon's biggest villain for so long is an exercise left to the reader.

===Episode #6: Sonic and Sonichu in ''Black Metal Combat''===
* This issue is the first to show Chris's curious habit of having a character with explicitly better superpowers than their opponent or ally being totally outclassed, i.e. Sonichu's dismal performance versus Sonic the Hedgehog's unstoppable rampage, Bionic contemptuously dispatching Reldnahc, Wes-Li effortlessly beating up Chris-chan, etc. While this is a common theme in fiction to show that cunning, strategy, and determination is more important than brute force, this dissonance seems to happen in Sonichu simply for the sake of making the antagonists look a bit less impotent than they really are. Due to Chris's predictable and boring style of writing, the villains are almost invariably defeated and subsequently cast aside when they and the protagonists next meet.
* Sonic, a seasoned superhero, not only lets the much more inexperienced Sonichu go in ahead of him but does so even after suspecting that they're walking into a trap. Letting Sonichu take point and even springing the aforementioned trap without so much as a warning was pretty weaselly on Sonic's part.
* After a long and arduous battle complete with SONIC SPEED and ZAPPING TO THE EXTREME, Sonichu, Sonic, and Rosechu finally have two globally infamous criminals cornered. And... the comic just forgets about them in lieu of a shopping spree at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==
===Episode #7: Sonichu in ''Anchuent Prophecy''===
* Wes and Sarah get personal training in how to use their hedgehog powers from the spirits of ''their'' ancestors; Chris isn't so lucky. The [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] is more than happy to leave Chris to fend for himself. To his credit, Sonichu does at least help Chris get elementary training. Nonetheless, the clan leader's selective neglect of his disciple leaves Chris unaware of at [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|least]] two [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|superpowers]] that would've made things a lot easier on Chris. Not that he needs ''more'' deus ex machinas in his corner, but still.

===Episode #8: Christian Chandler in ''Chaos & Serenity''===
* Sonichu disappears for a large portion of the battle between Wes and Chris-Chan for no good reason. Considering that Wes was trying to kill Sonichu's "father", his help would've been much appreciated.
* After Wes goes on for some time about why he's behaving evilly, Chris goes on a [[ego|self-aggrandizing]] rant and tries to paint himself as an innocent victim in the love triangle, rather than trying to negotiate with Wes or calm him down. Chris clearly is more concerned about his own [[ego]] than getting his and Wes's shit together to fulfill the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
* Sarah, despite being told that her role in the upcoming events was to be a peacemaker between the other two humans-turned-hedgehog, decides not to intervene until her partners almost kill each other.
* Chris gets his ass kicked in less than a page by Wes in spite of having more and better superpowers than his rival.

===Episode #9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in ''The Evil that Stomped CWCville''===
* Sarah very stupidly decides to dump Wes Iseli right before the prophesied evil takes place, causing Wes's [[heart level]] to collapse right before the fated battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]]. To be fair, you could argue that it wouldn't be right to romantically string someone along just to cajole them into doing the right thing... except that she had no problem inflicting this sneaky tactic on ''Chris'' at the end of the issue.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===Episode #10: ''Sonichu Babies''===
* Punchy unambiguously murders [[Mypoe]].
* That said, as much as we wish agony and woe on those obnoxious [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees and Roseys]], Punchy's violent reaction to Mypoe ''mutilating him shortly after his birth'' is completely understandable. The real question is this: what kind of dojo is Shinabe running here?
* Unless he has one hell of an explanation for his actions, Mewtwo stole Magi-chan's childhood and sculpted him into the borderline-[[autism|autistic]] he is today for his own reasons. [[Chris and writing|Not that we'll]] [[Sonichu 11|ever know these reasons]].

===Episode #11: The Chaotic Combo in ''When Hedgehogs Meet''===
* Why is something as powerful and calamitous as the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] just sitting out in the open, guarded solely by a powerless [[Flame the Sunbird|parrot]]? At the very least it should be placed somewhere hidden. Then again, the Sunstone ceases to become an issue after this comic so maybe the mayor did something smart for once and squirreled it [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|someplace more secure]].
* Speaking of [[Flame the Sunbird]], he's only able to fly for about 20 miles (the distance between the shores to where Bubbles is) before being winded. For a bird, especially one that's a self-styled guardian, this is a pathetic level of physical fitness.
* Every single member of the Chaotic Combo pile on Black Sonichu at the end and just beat him to a bloody pulp. While he overpowered them one on one, Black Sonichu getting dogpiled by half a dozen mutants and left bleeding and disfigured doesn't exactly suggest an even fight between a team of heroes and a powerful villain. Besides, Black Sonichu didn't even mean to aggravate them.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
* Chris refuses to leave every time he's called out for soliciting sex.
* Chris [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] a [[Jerkief|man]], making him lose his wife, kids, and home, all because he was told not to stand around like a [[Creepy stare|creep]].
* Chris throws a [[Chris and anger|temper tantrum]] because a [[Hanna|girl]] played a prank on him.
* Chris breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman's]] home (not the [[Sonichu 0|first time]] nor the [[Sonichu 10|last]]) completely unprovoked and beats the shit out of her.
* Chris's self-insert fails, forcing Chris's other [[Sonichu (character)|self-insert]] to help his sorry ass.
* Chris and his [[Sonichu (character)|bastard son]] brutally murder a defenseless old woman in cold blood.
* Chris and [[Darkbind Sonichu|another one of his recolors]] injure [[B-Manajerk|two]] [[Merried Seinor Comic|people]] for asking him to leave the store.
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|emotionless fuck-buddy]] decapitate [[W-M-Manajerk|someone]] for telling him to leave.
* Chris makes fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally handicapped people]].
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|personified sexual insecurity]] beat the shit out of [[Bagget|some]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|more]] [[Count Graduon|people]] for (and you're not going to guess this) telling him to leave a [[Get-Tar Region|store]].

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===Episode #12: Christian Chandler in ''My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding''===
* Chris is invisibly spying on the wedding. Meaning that he wasn't invited and decided to just [[The GAMe PLACe|show up anyway]] or that he was but just [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|likes creeping around for no reason]].
* What exactly was stopping Chris from deploying another Trap Card, or at the very least, warning the crowd when he realized that his reasoning wasn't getting through? Innocent bystanders might have gotten hurt or even killed.
* With all of the craziness that happens in CWCVille, Sarah Spicer was careless to not have her lightning bracelets at arms length whether or not they clashed with her wedding gown. Chris evidently believes women care more about matching their outfits than about protecting the people they love. Also, why couldn't she just get a gown that didn't clash?
* Boy, those [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards sure came in handy this chapter and previously in episode #8. All of those versatile, powerful, yet easily-deployable effects should make protecting CWCVille and saving innocents a breeze! Too bad Chris lost interest in the franchise after this issue, so they'll never be seen or even mentioned again.

===Episode #13: ''Smashed Hearts & Entrapment''===

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==
===Episode #12.5: ''One Lucky Dog''===
* Chris resurrects his pet dog. In-story she merely turned from a dog into a magical talking dog, but Chris doesn't hide what he's really doing. Regardless of how many people die in the comic's pages--from innocent bystanders, to victims of circumstance, to real-life gal pals--CWC has only extended this mercy [[Simonla Rosechu|once more.]]
* With the introduction of [[Allison Amber]], it becomes obvious that even in his fantasy world, Chris is too lazy to do any of his mayoral duties that won't help him look cool or punish his enemies. What's more, an unelected city employee way down the chain of command has been promoted to Vice Mayor, although we were led to believe [[Women's rights|she was just an overpowered secretary]] for a long time. Allison performs almost literally all of Chris's mayoral duties, which is [[Chris and the Law|highly illegal]] because she doesn't have the relevant authority.

===Episode #14: ''Evil is Afoot!''===
* Allowing his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|defeated enemy]] mercy and attentive medical treatment is probably the most uncharacteristically nice thing Chris does in this comic. Unfortunately, the magnanimity of this gesture is ruined by the fact that there's absolutely no security in Reldnahc's room during his convalescence, leaving Chris's arch-nemesis free to just ''walk out of the hospital''.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==
===Episode #15: Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Christian in ''Time for a Ball''===
* [[Bionic]] (Chris's first bastard child) makes the highly progressive assumption that [[Third date|women always put out after the third date]].
* Chris and Magi-Chan introduce a convenient [[Chris and writing|plot device]] to help them solve their seemingly nonexistent problems. The question here is that if they knew about them this whole time, why wait until now to 'search' for them? Chris could have easily used them in the past to stop [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|villains]] in the past, yet decided to postpone it to the point where it would cost [[Ivy|countless]] [[Pandahalo|lives]].

===Episode #16: C.W.C. and Sonichu in ''Time Hogs''===
* Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing [[Hanky panky|sex]] to realize that Chris has been flung out of the time sphere, giving no thought to helping him. Magi-Chan should have been able to sense it telepathically or whatever.

===''Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!''===

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|What does your existentialist philosophy say about FURRY FACE RAPE, Jason?]]
===Episode #17: ''Rage against the Garbage''===
* Rosechu is so ignorant about how the Internet and [[troll]]ing works that she thinks that taking nudes of herself is going to overwhelm the flow of [[Rosechu#Transgender Drama|shemale]] pictures. Amusingly, this is one of the few instances where a protagonist is immediately broken of their delusions.
* Sonichu, Wild, and Rosechu plot burglary without even ''trying'' to negotiate for the Sonichu Balls. As far as we know, Jason is the rightful owner and Sonichu's crew are a bunch of thieves.
* Wild's family is harassed by arsonists and his father is kidnapped by poachers but the putative Mayor clearly can't be bothered to stop stuffing his face with chicken nuggets long enough to take care of the problem.
* For that matter, Wild couldn't even be assed to look for his own damn father himself. Even if he was still too weak to mount a solo rescue, at this point in the comic he knows at least ten other characters with powers similar or superior to his own and has no excuse for not resuming his quest. Then again, Wild probably knew that his 'friends' were too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else anyway. Hell, Sonichu and Rosechu couldn't be bothered to do anything more than go 'oh, that sucks' at Wild's tearjerker.
* Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild very stupidly schedule the latter's infiltration at the same time as their meeting with the owner of 4-cent garbage. Jason knows that they will be here, so why would they undertake this dangerous and important mission when he's on alert? Then again, Wild doesn't meet any resistance more stringent than a locked safe so it doesn't matter anyway.
* On several floors, Sonichu, Rosechu, and even Chris physically attack people whose only crime is uploading pictures to the Internet.
* Jason Kendrick Howell flat-out admits that he owns an [[Kathleen|underage sex slave]] that he does illegal things with. Sonichu and Rosechu can't even give the tiniest of shits about this grievous affront to human dignity. They're only concerned about Rosechu being drawn with a penis.
* After Jason taunts Sonichu and Rosechu, both attack him and in the latter's case attempts to rape/kill him. Jason only survives thanks to dark forces keeping him alive.
* The 19th Amendment, securing the right of women to vote, apparently doesn't [[Chris and sexism|apply to CWCVille]]. You know, a city supposedly existing within the borders of the United States.
* Rosechu thinks that laws preventing a 14-year old from being able to [[pedofork|assist in nude protests]] are "dumb".

===Episode #18: ''Spring Break 2008''===
* The protagonists are overly quick to forgive Blake. Granted, being a [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Saturday morning cartoon villain]], his villainy hasn't exceeded 'kidnap Rosechu and get his teeth knocked out' -- a far cry from the mass murders the heroes cause in Sonichu 10 to be sure. Nonetheless, it's still dumb for the other protagonists to implicitly trust someone who was only a few months ago working for [[Robotnik|two]] of the [[Giovanni|biggest criminals]] on the planet.
* Bubbles is astonishingly stupid and careless when dealing with Silvana-Blake. Despite getting two credible warnings from Magi-Chan and Jiggliami/Blake that she was about to fuck a impostor, she's still not convinced.
* Blake has more of an excuse than Bubbles than his actions, but wasn't he the tiniest bit suspicious that Bubbles aborted her mission in order to have nasty furry jungle sex?

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==
===Episode #19: ''Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)''===
* This is not the heroes' fault, but the [[Dating Education]] class is mind-meltingly idiotic. The coursework is piss-easy what with fifty-word essays, the IM portion being unsupervised, and an enormous douche like Reginald almost getting a perfect score. If the characters had an ounce of self-respect they would have dropped this worthless class by day two and demanded their money back.
* [[Ivy]] refuses to pair up with anyone because she is holding out for Chris, despite this nominally being just practice. Since the class has equal amounts of boys and girls, this means some boy is being screwed over. Somehow, Ivy still gets a 99% in the class.
* The heroes apparently have trouble discerning the identities of people with extremely obvious screen names, which doesn't speak well of their intelligence. Gee, I wonder who [[Simonla Rosechu|DigDugette416]] could be?
* [[Reginald Sneasel]] is, and let's be frank here, a ''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fulminating asshole]]''. Reginald lets down his IM partner and classmate FlorDora217 because of his [[Layla]] obsession, intentionally spreads scurrilous rumors about her, sabotages school equipment, and stalks the two on their date. By contrast, Punchy decides to cooperate with Layla despite also having his eye on someone else, tries to keep an open mind about her, foils Reginald's cunning plan with his counter-gambit of 'have his [[Wild Sonichu|best buddy]] ask Layla directly', and acts like a perfect gentlemen on his date. How sad is it that you come off as more of a jerk than a sex-crazed, [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark|sadomasochistic]] Sonic headswap? This wouldn't be so bad if Reginald was set up to be the typical jealous-yet-hapless suitor potboiler romantic comedies thrive upon, but given his fate in this episode and the rest of [[Sonichu 9]] he's clearly meant to be a ''sympathetic character''.
* Ms. Jackaras just abruptly dies halfway through the narrative and nobody even reacts except her sister, who replaces her instantly for some reason. Her sister mourns for precisely one panel.

===Episode #20: ''CWC-Defense''===
* Sonichu gets a glimpse of his wife's panties while she's doing laundry and turns into a drooling pervert. Very classy of you, sweet-bolt.
* Sonichu goes on an unprompted, uncomfortably long homophobic tirade that makes him look violent and psychopathic, complete with breaking the couple's property.
* Why hasn't CWCville elected or at least appointed a new interim mayor yet? It's been several months since Chris was trapped in the time void, there's no reason to think that he'll be back anytime soon or at all. Again, the city is forced to dump way too many important decisions on an over-promoted secretary. This gets discussed further in the next section.
* Prower can transform into a [[media:Prowl_prower.jpg|giant robot]] and was very close-by, yet he failed to help Punchy and Layla when they were surrounded by [[Jerkop]]s. Punchy was able to take care of himself, but Layla was clearly unused to fighting and almost got her head handed to her.
* CWCVille's hapless defenders are completely blindsided by the [[PVCC]], sending their [[Chaotic Combo|heavy-hitters]] on wild goose chases all around the city while apparently not thinking to leave the [[CWCVille Shopping Center]], the seat of the municipal government and target of the invasion, with any better defenders than [[Zapina Rosechu|a skanky tween girl]] and a [[Patti-Chan|half-naked zombie dog]].
* When the combined forces of Sonic recolors and Autobot rejects prove to be inadequate for defending the city, [[Allison Amber]] doesn't even bother to let the media know, let alone try to get assistance. Bionic and Darkbind only realize what's going on as the conflict starts spilling out past the city borders.
* Even if Chris-chan is the one fated to [[Anchuent Prophecy|personally stop Graduon and Walsh]], there's still no reason for Sonichu to just let her fly away and regroup.
* After the battle is over, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon show basically no concern about [[Chris and death|the destruction that has befallen their city]].

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Having a little girl torture her [[Evan|grandpa]]? Totally normal behavior from your heroes!]]
===Episode #21: ''Christian Chandler in Director Amenities''===
* The amount of sheer evil the "protagonists" exhibit in this issue clearly shows their transition from [[Blake|bumbling yet harmless goons]] to [[The Incredible Lioness|terrifyingly violent and sadistic psychopaths]]. From [[Lovely Weather#Deception|rape by deception]] to [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|genocide]], this issue has it all.
* Chris poisons the planet's water supplies with his "[[Homo|straight]]" blood, thereby initiating a genocide against homosexuals, bisexuals and asexuals worldwide. Aside from being ethically perverse, this scheme shows an [[honor roll|inexcusable ignorance of simple science]]. Those few crates would barely be enough to infect a modern city's water supply for a few days, let alone worldwide. Transferring a vaccine through the water supply is also ludicrous; not only would the treatment facilities dilute and kill the immunizing vectors, blood-stomach ingestion is one of the weakest ways to transmit a disease.
* Chris ''rapes'' his future self's wife by [[Liquid Chris|pretending to be his future self]].
* Chris blows up a building filled with "devil [[trolls]]", sealing it up beforehand as well to ensure that none can escape as he does so.
* Chris (by now you're probably realizing it's almost ''all'' Chris) breaks [[Jimmy Hill|a man's]] [[Fangs|teeth]] because he [[Parody|parodied]] him.
* Chris violently injects his own blood into his [[Reldnahc|nemesis]], in some sort of harebrained scheme to turn him straight.
* Chris then teleports Reldnahc straight into the domicile of Kel without so much as a trial or medical examination, under the excuse that his evil behavior was due to his recent transformation into an evil homosexual hedgehog. Though stripped of his [[Anchuent Prophecy]]-granted powers, Reldnahc was already on the side of the bad guys before his transformation. Thus Chris just delivered a world-class Pokémon trainer working for one of the biggest criminal organizations straight into the arms of one of his unsuspecting friends!
* Chris and the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Hedgehog Boys]] destroy a populated high-rise building, killing and injuring hundreds of innocent people in an act of extreme [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]], because they drew pictures of his imaginary friends with [[Pickles|pee-pees]].
* Chris punches someone in the face hard enough to knock out his teeth, for sardonically referring to him as 'miss'.
* Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|Alec Benson's Leary - Alec Benson's... Try saying that three times fast with plurals. Heh.]] Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec's]] house, before Chris destroys all of his computer data and then the computer itself.
* Chris and Sonichu then [[Chris and copyright|plagiarize]] all of Alec's [[True and honest|TRUE and HONEST]] creations, followed by having them beat the shit out of Alec and accusing him of keeping [[Rape|female prisoners]] in his basement.
* [[Collosal Chan]] breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman]]'s house completely unprovoked, and brutally attacks her to the extent of causing permanent paralysis, before having her stripped of her powers and sent to a maximum security prison with no trial.
* Collosal Chan also willingly smashes the staff [[Count Graduon]] is sealed in and releases him at Mary's request, so she can "punish [Graduon] another day."
* Magi-chan shows no sympathy for Silvana's literal emasculation. To be fair, Silvana being gender-changed against her will (she refused a previous offer) is an unavoidable side-effect of stopping the mad [[Count Graduon]], but that's no reason for him to be so gleeful about it.
* Magi-Chan, the inhuman monster he is, informs [[Sandy|an infant]] only minutes old that her mother was murdered by '[[Evan]]'. That's right, even infancy doesn't get you out of your duties as Chris's personal bodyguard.
* Chris and his [[Electric hedgehog pokemon|corrupted officials]] have a show trial for [[Asperpedia|four innocent men]], before having them sentenced to death, with little to no evidence against them.
* Chris and his entourage, including a one-week-old girl and a [[Kel|preteen]], brutally execute four people in violent and inhumane ways. Remember, this is a comic Chris claims is aimed at children.
* Chris disrespects [[Wikipedia:Flag Day in Mexico|a national holiday]] by being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]] jackass.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===''A Sonichu Christmas''===

-WIP-

==Sonichu Specials==
* In Sonichu Special 4, Chris decides to take matters into his own hands rather than contacting the local police and/or sending in an ally that could get to Kacey's kidnapper's location faster than he could driving at the speed limit.
* After Chris disarms and wristlocks the kidnapper, Chris intentionally trips him and shoots him in each knee. This is at the very least maiming; Chris is fortunate that his opponent survived to star in [[Episode 20|CWC Defense]], otherwise he'd be facing charges of 2nd or even 1st degree murder. Or not, since CWCVille is effectively an absolute monarchy; Chris rules with undefined power and is of course above the law.

==[[Mailbag]]==
* One needs to read [[Mailbag 5#Chris does not know what "benevolent" means, or how government works|Mailbag 5]] in conjunction with [[Sonichu 10]] to really grasp the scope of this problem, but the CWCVille municipal government is extremely flawed. There are at least three major problems with the administration: the first is that after being thrown into the [[Time Void]], an interim mayor should have been appointed from the city council's ranks if Chris was going to be gone for so long. Who this would be varies depending on the city's charter but this person is typically the chief administrator officer -- which for a city of CWCVille's size would be an elected position (and not Allison Amber) unless the democratic trappings are even more of a sham than we thought. The second is that we never actually see them doing any work. Why, for example, was city defense left (again) to Allison Amber instead of the chief of police? The third is that the city council didn't do anything to stop or inform others Chris's plan to commit mass murder despite him flat-out telling them; even an amateur paralegal would be able to get charges of conspiracy and accessory to murder to stick.
* In gross violation of the 1st, 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments of the U.S. Constitution Chris reveals that [[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck|Magi-chan is engaged in psychic surveillance on CWCVille's populace]] to ensure that homosexuality is - as it in the author's own mind - thoroughly suppressed.

==Other Instances==

==See Also==
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[CWCVille]] - For a more in-depth analysis of the various municipal failings of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu's]] primary setting.

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Comic]][[Category:Lists]][[Category:Villains]]

Anna McLerran

2016-09-21T04:22:28Z

Lysistrata: /* Gallery */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Gal-pal
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Anamc.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Anna McLerran
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Anna Elizabeth McLerran
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 30 July [[1985]] (age {{Age|1985|7|30}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Religion'''
| Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons)
|-
| '''Residence'''
| [[Wikipedia:American Fork, Utah|American Fork, Utah]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Pac Sun employee
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}

'''Anna Elizabeth McLerran''' (born 30 July [[1985]]<ref>Anna [https://archive.today/D1ev6 stated on Facebook] that 30 July 2014 was her 29th birthday</ref>) is a [[gal pal]] and [[white knight]] who met [[Chris]] through her job at the Pac Sun in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. Chris was brought to her attention when, during the [[Love Quest]] era, he started advertising himself in front of the store. This inspired her short story [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]], published early in [[2005]].<ref>[http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html]</ref>

After publishing the story she befriended Chris and he threw her a surprise birthday party. Chris made romantic advances towards her until she told him she was a [[Chris and religion|Mormon]] and a [[Homos|lesbian]], even before coming out to family, in order to rebuff his advances.<ref>Via [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran Formspring]:"...it was the only way to get him to stop thinking of me as a 'candidate'..."</ref><ref>[http://thundercamp.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding Anna's Tumblr page]</ref> Chris refers to her as proof that he can be friends with [[homos|homosexuals]].<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

Most people who observe Chris intensely dislike Anna, as she is not seen to be a genuine friend to Chris; sometimes even equated with [[Barb]] in terms of making Chris worse, because like Barb, she has (or at least has had in the past) considerable influence over Chris, but seldom uses it to help him improve his life. Chris's observers note that [[28 October 2011|the first time]] Chris ran afoul of the law, she made a joke ''about him getting raped in prison'' on [[Facebook]], not exactly what friends say in these situations. Moreover, after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|his house burned down]], while even the denizens of the CWCki Forums were putting together a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House#Aftermath_and_reaction|care package]] for Chris, Anna was nowhere to be seen - until she popped up on one of Chris's Facebook statuses to discuss irrelevant drama, and was promptly called out for not even pretending to care that her "friend's" house had burned to the ground.

It should also be noted that Anna was initially a troll of sorts, sharing her interactions with Chris on the [[CWCki Forums]], at one point hosting a conference call with leading trolls wherein she primarily talked about herself, and seemingly only turned to counter-trolling when she didn't get the adoration she'd anticipated from the trolling community. Despite her apparent apathy to Chris or his problems (beyond the trolls of course), Anna is also known to lash out at people who threaten her privileged position by befriending Chris, including [[Kim Wilson]], a long-time friend of Chris's that he knows IRL, whom Anna tried to falsely out as a troll.

In short, most believe Anna is an attention-seeker who pretends to be Chris's friend for her own benefit, tries to function as his gatekeeper to give herself some illusion of power, and (nowadays, at least) only occasionally involves herself in his affairs for a fresh fix of attention, and by all accounts, she only associates with Chris in order to feel better about her own insecurities, that way she can say at least someone is worse off than she is.

Even Chris doesn't seem to deem her to be a friend anymore - as of 2015, he has been pining for the return of his [[gal-pals]] because he has no friends or social life, with no mention of Anna.

==Protection of Chris==

After Christian discovered The Crazy Pacer story on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Anna felt a need to defend Chris against the internet at large. In a textbook case of [[White knight|white knighting]], she edited Chris's ED page. Anna added a new section to the article, in an attempt to paint Chris as a [[Chris and fashion|goofy clown]], rather than a [[12 October 2009|perverse psychotic]].

{{quote|I wrote that blog back when I didn't know Chris personally. I got to know him soon after that, and we became real friends. He's a really nice guy, with a great sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. Yes, to the outsider he is quirky, and some of his actions and the things he says can be funny, but at the same time he cares deeply about his friends, and all the other good stuff nobody looking at this page wants to hear about. I just wanted to put that out there, though, since I obviously can't permanently delete the blog inclusion. I'll just have to wait until this whole website is shut down for good.|Note from Anniebannany<ref>http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=next&oldid=1997694799</ref>}}

This passage was so masturbatory that ED users assumed Chris himself wrote it, and it was credited accordingly. However, in [[December 2009]], Anna admitted to writing the article section herself.<ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439</ref> It is unknown why she had actually befriended him, but according to her, her intentions were pure. <ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/40869014897045504</ref>

{{quote|C-Chan continues to crack me up with his antics. I know he's straight, but LAWD. If that boy would just heed even a few of my warnings, I flatter myself to think he'd go far.|Anna (clearly delusional)<ref>http://annamclerran.blogspot.com/2009/01/el-dee-ess-bee-see.html</ref>}}

On the night of 5 [[December 2009]], Anna complained about socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Ritchie|Nicole Ritchie]] having appropriated a classic picture of Christian in his mother's underwear to use against faux-punk guitarist [[Wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]]. Anna, self-appointed guardian of Chris, kicked up a stink, demanding that the picture be taken down, as if it could not be found elsewhere. According to Anna, "he's autistic and does whatever the internet tells him to do :(",<ref name="twitpic">http://twitpic.com/s7pfi</ref> ignoring the substantial amount of depravity that he exhibits without any outside encouragement. Anna went on to criticize the CWCki and other sources of the truth about Chris, claiming that "there is very little truth to anything those websites say about him. trust me on this one. he is an awesome guy in real life. [[Death threats|super nice]]."<ref name="twitpic"/> This is all very amusing when you consider her initial reaction to seeing the picture: "WHAT THE FUCK hahahahahhahahahaaha he's getting so famous!!"<ref>[http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6377147359 Anna's Twitter]</ref>

In [[April 2012]], after Chris's [[Facebook]] status about his claims to losing his [[virgin with rage|virgin]]ity became public, Anna (using the name Fighta Jet Lopez) lashed out against trolls, and tried to offer Chris advice about befriending people online that he didn't know in real life.<ref>http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/435/anacwc.png</ref>
{{-}}

Needless to say, Anna isn't popular amongst the troll community, since she not only remains a [[White knight|staunch defender]] of Chris' antics, but is also pretty delusional, especially when the evidence of Chris' [[Tomgirl Pictures|own]] [[Death threats|mental]] [[28 October 2011|instability]] is practically hitting her right in the face. Like Christian's parents, Anna is an enabler, albeit an indirect one, who opts to tell Chris [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants to hear]] instead of what he ''should'' hear. For example, in a response to Chris's complaining about fan-made [[My Little Pony]] videos on his [[Facebook]] page on June 26th, 2012, she had this to say:

{{quote|"I'm still [[Naïve|amazed]] at how so many [[Trolls|people]] think they can justify baiting and trolling an autistic man by calling him naive or saying he deserves it for _____. [[Twin Falling Towers|There]] [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|is]] [[Death threats|nothing]] [[6 June 2010|you]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|could]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|do]], Christian, that would make you deserve ANY of this treatment."|Anna. Again, [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|clearly delusional]].<ref>http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/582/holycrapyouaredelusiona.png</ref>}}
{{-}}

If you need any more proof about this mollycoddling, delusional behavior, however, consider [[Facebook#Gay Marriage|a certain post Chris made on his Facebook page]], which struck a nerve with Anna because of its blatant anti-homosexual tones. Despite both Anna and [[Kim]] - usually staunch rivals - calling him out on it, he brushed them both off, not even offering Anna, herself a homosexual, an apology for his behavior in the thread.

Despite this, what did Anna say mere weeks later?

{{quote|"Just rewatched your [[DVD]] with a friend. She agrees with me that you are a sweetheart and it made me really miss you. I wished you lived close so I could introduce you to her-she's married, but she would make a great friend to you. I got to thinking when you and I first met and I pulled out my folder of all the things you've sent or given me over the years- your comics, letters, cards. It all just serves to illustrate what a [[White Knight|remarkable injustice]] these [[Trolls|people]] have done to you through the years. I don't care what anyone says, '''[[Death threats|you]] [[Twin Falling Towers|do]] [[Homos|not]] [[Megan emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|deserve]] [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|an]] [[Facebook#Imgur|ounce]] [[White knight#Autism does not excuse a terrible person|of]] [[Chris and anger|hate]]'''. You're an incredible person with [[Chris and art|incredible creativity and talent]], and I hope that your ability to create has not dimmed too much. I wish [[CWCki|more people knew the real you]] instead of this [[CWCFlyingElephants|strange]] [[Death threats|monster]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the internet]] thinks you are. But I suppose that's how it is with celebrities of all kinds- people think they know them, but they never really do. [[Gal Pal|I love you]], and consider you one of my dearest friends and one of my most favorite people in the world. Stay strong, Christian. You have more [[Chaotic Combo|allies]] than you think."|Anna. Do we really need to say it again?}}
{{-}}

Keep in mind that this comes on the heels of not just a homophobic post he made, but a leak where he demanded that somebody murder Mimms' girlfriend.
It is ''very'' apparent that when it comes to [[white knight]] attitudes, Anna sits as queen, blissfully ignoring Chris' obvious problems and cheering him on, possibly until the day she dies.

Ironically, despite her encouragement, she has shown a severe dislike towards fellow Facebook white knight [[Kim Wilson]], suspecting her of being a troll. This is probably because although Kim also tries to improve Chris, she actually gives constructive and often harsh criticism rather than just confirming his ridiculous ideas and telling him what he wants to hear. Even more ironically, despite being one of Chris' most outspoken and staunch defenders online, Anna neither commented on nor showed any signs of helping Chris out when his house burned down, which ultimately means that his ''trolls'' have been more active in getting him back on his feet that his defenders. Make of that what you will.

===Twitter ramblings about Chris===
Following Anna's Facebook responses to Chris's loss of virginity, she saw an influx of trolls trying to befriend her on Facebook and follow her on [[Twitter]]. Despite voicing her hostility to the people who were following her only because they were trolling Chris, she continued to talk about him and them. Anna has since set her Twitter to private.<ref>https://twitter.com/#!/ourladyanna</ref>

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Day
! Time
|-
| I'm fed up with the way people have treated my friend over the years. He doesn't deserve the hand life dealt him, and it's stopping now.<ref name ="tweet2">http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/1281/tweet2.png</ref>
| 12 April 2012
| 10:37 PM
|-
| dear [[Christian Weston Chandler|fat, ugly manchildren]] constantly trying to add me on facebook to screencap my interactions with christian: you are all getting blocked.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
| 9:23 PM
|-
| and a special fuck you to any of you cunts who follow me on twitter purely in case i say something about chris.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
|9:24 PM
|-
| so much negativity...some people need to go live their own lives! well actually, everyone needs to. ha<ref name="tweet1">http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/1746/tweet1.png</ref>
| 15 April 2012
| 12:10 AM
|-
| tell me, basement dwellers, what are you hoping to accomplish with this? i'm a bit too evolved to take your bait. get a life, please.<ref name="tweet1"/>
| 15 April 2012
| 1:45 PM
|-
|}

===Chris dons the armour===

On 5 [[May 2012]] Chris and Anna reversed roles when he posted a [[Facebook#Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!|Facebook note]] in which he played the part of the white knight:

{{quote|She does NOT deserve to be bothered by you doofy trolls at all. It has always been ME you want. [...] Yes, she is cute, and it is possible that she may look like my [[mom]] at a younger age, but I do not see my mom in her, and she is who she is, and I respect Anna as a friend.

Aim your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] towards me alone, and Leave All of My Friends and Family alone.|Chris}}

Chris has stood up for Anna in the past as well. On 14 [[March 2010]] he wrote a [[CWC Blog#14 March 2010|blog post]] on the [[CWCipedia]] asking the CWCki's webmaster to remove from her website all mentions of Anna's name (and of the names of several other acquaintances of his) in the same way all mentions of [[The Wallflower]]'s real name were removed from the CWCki.

===Disagreements with Chris===

On 28 March 2013, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, complaining about media coverage of the historic [[wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Hollingsworth v. Perry]] Supreme Court deliberations:

{{quote|Another thing that really Grinds My Gears:

I mean no personal offense, and I am For Lesbians being together and their marriage. But I am really offended with the damn homosexual males altogether. So I am like 50/50 on the current topic in the newspapers, but I am 100% sick, tired and disgusted of having to read at least the headlines in the Post. Talk about something else already!|Chris on Facebook, 28 [[March 2013]]}}

To widespread surprise, Anna defied her usual pattern of being a mindless enabler to inform Chris that his logic was a bit [[slow in the mind]], in a change of the status quo that suggested Chris' antics were beginning to alienate even his staunchest defenders:

{{quote|it isn't right for you to be okay with lesbians and not be okay with gays|Anna, beginning to tire of Chris' nonsense}}

The next day, Chris responded:

{{quote|Like it is not right for me to prefer women over men for attraction and companionship? Or a number of women not liking women over men for their catty attitudes?|Chris, [[Honor roll|not making any sense whatsoever]]}}

As seen above, Chris's reply was nothing but an incoherent red herring, completely side-stepping the original question of why it was right for lesbians to marry and not right for gay men to. The real answer, of course, is because, to Chris, gay men are disgusting and [[Homos#Views on lesbianism|lesbians are hot]].

===Anti-troll plea to Catie===
On 18 [[December 2014]], it was leaked on the CWCki Forums that Anna desperately tried to stop [[Catherine|Catie]] from continuing her relationship with Chris, as Anna suspected (correctly) that Catie was a troll posing as a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Unfortunately for Anna, [[Catherine#The Date|Chris had met Catie at that point]] and was completely infatuated - Anna was fighting a losing battle. This incident does however reveal that Anna is still at least peripherally involved in Chris' life, despite the apparent silence since their spat over gay marriage.

Her last-ditch attempt to dislodge Catie was an attempted appeal to Catie's humanity: <ref>http://kiwifar.ms/threads/2014-dec-18-annas-anti-troll-plea-to-catie.6596/</ref>

{{quoteboxred|You really need to leave Christian alone. It's so painfully obvious to anyone on the outside that you have a fake profile specifically designed to troll him. Just about every paragraph holds a clue against you. The fake license was a pathetic effort, but one you knew would work well enough on someone [[naive]]. Too bad you used the wrong font, didn't match the background color, made your fake signature longer than the signature box would allow, and forgot to put the second signature over the picture.

I don't care what you're hoping to get out of this--whether you want to troll him to do something funny, or simply get him to trust you to ultimately help him. You are doing far more damage than you think. You're messing with an autistic man who simply won't see the truth because he wants the lie so badly. And that's sick. You're not just messing with him, though--you're messing with his mom, and you're messing with me.

Whatever your opinion of his mom is, it doesn't give you the right to break her heart either. She doesn't deserve to be given false hope that maybe her son HAS found a soul mate and WILL be taken care of after she's gone. Because that's her greatest fear, and you're playing on it like a predator.

So just stop. I know you're probably pretending to be upset with him right now so that you'll get him desperate enough to do whatever you tell him. It's obscene. Let it go, walk away. Delete the fake accounts, and never do anything like this again.}}

That Anna would make these criticisms of Catherine is highly ironic. Anna chastises Catherine for playing to Chris's harmful delusions, even if she's doing it to help him - the very delusions Anna has been callously nurturing for years, believing she was ''doing it to help him''.

The overall point of her message to Catherine illustrates that her pontifical attitude towards Chris has undergone no change as it has coursed through the river of time. It's possible that Chris's [[October 2014 Facebook Posts|recent announcements]] regarding LGBT affairs have coerced her to forgive him for his former unflinching homophobia.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:AVDYT01-001.jpg
Image:0689-ANNABD2.JPG|
Image:0690-ANNABD3.JPG|A seemingly innocent party...
Image:0691-ANNABD4.JPG|...with cards...
Image:0692-ANNABD5.JPG|...the close company of friends...
Image:0693-AnnaBD7.JPG|...cake...
Image:0697-AnnaBD10.JPG|...(too hard to tell)...
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|...aaaaaaaaaand here's Chris.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|One of these people is more awkward than the others.
Image:0696-AnnaBD6.JPG|Yes, she was smiling, but you can see that on the inside she was dying.
File:32-Modest Manna Card.jpg|"Modest Manna", a Mormon [[My Little Pony]] based on Anna.
File:Barb and anna.jpg|Anna with Barb, August 2016
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:McLerran, Anna}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Anna McLerran

2016-09-21T04:21:13Z

Lysistrata: /* Gallery */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Gal-pal
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Anamc.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Anna McLerran
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Anna Elizabeth McLerran
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 30 July [[1985]] (age {{Age|1985|7|30}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Religion'''
| Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons)
|-
| '''Residence'''
| [[Wikipedia:American Fork, Utah|American Fork, Utah]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Pac Sun employee
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}

'''Anna Elizabeth McLerran''' (born 30 July [[1985]]<ref>Anna [https://archive.today/D1ev6 stated on Facebook] that 30 July 2014 was her 29th birthday</ref>) is a [[gal pal]] and [[white knight]] who met [[Chris]] through her job at the Pac Sun in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. Chris was brought to her attention when, during the [[Love Quest]] era, he started advertising himself in front of the store. This inspired her short story [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]], published early in [[2005]].<ref>[http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html]</ref>

After publishing the story she befriended Chris and he threw her a surprise birthday party. Chris made romantic advances towards her until she told him she was a [[Chris and religion|Mormon]] and a [[Homos|lesbian]], even before coming out to family, in order to rebuff his advances.<ref>Via [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran Formspring]:"...it was the only way to get him to stop thinking of me as a 'candidate'..."</ref><ref>[http://thundercamp.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding Anna's Tumblr page]</ref> Chris refers to her as proof that he can be friends with [[homos|homosexuals]].<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

Most people who observe Chris intensely dislike Anna, as she is not seen to be a genuine friend to Chris; sometimes even equated with [[Barb]] in terms of making Chris worse, because like Barb, she has (or at least has had in the past) considerable influence over Chris, but seldom uses it to help him improve his life. Chris's observers note that [[28 October 2011|the first time]] Chris ran afoul of the law, she made a joke ''about him getting raped in prison'' on [[Facebook]], not exactly what friends say in these situations. Moreover, after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|his house burned down]], while even the denizens of the CWCki Forums were putting together a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House#Aftermath_and_reaction|care package]] for Chris, Anna was nowhere to be seen - until she popped up on one of Chris's Facebook statuses to discuss irrelevant drama, and was promptly called out for not even pretending to care that her "friend's" house had burned to the ground.

It should also be noted that Anna was initially a troll of sorts, sharing her interactions with Chris on the [[CWCki Forums]], at one point hosting a conference call with leading trolls wherein she primarily talked about herself, and seemingly only turned to counter-trolling when she didn't get the adoration she'd anticipated from the trolling community. Despite her apparent apathy to Chris or his problems (beyond the trolls of course), Anna is also known to lash out at people who threaten her privileged position by befriending Chris, including [[Kim Wilson]], a long-time friend of Chris's that he knows IRL, whom Anna tried to falsely out as a troll.

In short, most believe Anna is an attention-seeker who pretends to be Chris's friend for her own benefit, tries to function as his gatekeeper to give herself some illusion of power, and (nowadays, at least) only occasionally involves herself in his affairs for a fresh fix of attention, and by all accounts, she only associates with Chris in order to feel better about her own insecurities, that way she can say at least someone is worse off than she is.

Even Chris doesn't seem to deem her to be a friend anymore - as of 2015, he has been pining for the return of his [[gal-pals]] because he has no friends or social life, with no mention of Anna.

==Protection of Chris==

After Christian discovered The Crazy Pacer story on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Anna felt a need to defend Chris against the internet at large. In a textbook case of [[White knight|white knighting]], she edited Chris's ED page. Anna added a new section to the article, in an attempt to paint Chris as a [[Chris and fashion|goofy clown]], rather than a [[12 October 2009|perverse psychotic]].

{{quote|I wrote that blog back when I didn't know Chris personally. I got to know him soon after that, and we became real friends. He's a really nice guy, with a great sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. Yes, to the outsider he is quirky, and some of his actions and the things he says can be funny, but at the same time he cares deeply about his friends, and all the other good stuff nobody looking at this page wants to hear about. I just wanted to put that out there, though, since I obviously can't permanently delete the blog inclusion. I'll just have to wait until this whole website is shut down for good.|Note from Anniebannany<ref>http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=next&oldid=1997694799</ref>}}

This passage was so masturbatory that ED users assumed Chris himself wrote it, and it was credited accordingly. However, in [[December 2009]], Anna admitted to writing the article section herself.<ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439</ref> It is unknown why she had actually befriended him, but according to her, her intentions were pure. <ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/40869014897045504</ref>

{{quote|C-Chan continues to crack me up with his antics. I know he's straight, but LAWD. If that boy would just heed even a few of my warnings, I flatter myself to think he'd go far.|Anna (clearly delusional)<ref>http://annamclerran.blogspot.com/2009/01/el-dee-ess-bee-see.html</ref>}}

On the night of 5 [[December 2009]], Anna complained about socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Ritchie|Nicole Ritchie]] having appropriated a classic picture of Christian in his mother's underwear to use against faux-punk guitarist [[Wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]]. Anna, self-appointed guardian of Chris, kicked up a stink, demanding that the picture be taken down, as if it could not be found elsewhere. According to Anna, "he's autistic and does whatever the internet tells him to do :(",<ref name="twitpic">http://twitpic.com/s7pfi</ref> ignoring the substantial amount of depravity that he exhibits without any outside encouragement. Anna went on to criticize the CWCki and other sources of the truth about Chris, claiming that "there is very little truth to anything those websites say about him. trust me on this one. he is an awesome guy in real life. [[Death threats|super nice]]."<ref name="twitpic"/> This is all very amusing when you consider her initial reaction to seeing the picture: "WHAT THE FUCK hahahahahhahahahaaha he's getting so famous!!"<ref>[http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6377147359 Anna's Twitter]</ref>

In [[April 2012]], after Chris's [[Facebook]] status about his claims to losing his [[virgin with rage|virgin]]ity became public, Anna (using the name Fighta Jet Lopez) lashed out against trolls, and tried to offer Chris advice about befriending people online that he didn't know in real life.<ref>http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/435/anacwc.png</ref>
{{-}}

Needless to say, Anna isn't popular amongst the troll community, since she not only remains a [[White knight|staunch defender]] of Chris' antics, but is also pretty delusional, especially when the evidence of Chris' [[Tomgirl Pictures|own]] [[Death threats|mental]] [[28 October 2011|instability]] is practically hitting her right in the face. Like Christian's parents, Anna is an enabler, albeit an indirect one, who opts to tell Chris [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants to hear]] instead of what he ''should'' hear. For example, in a response to Chris's complaining about fan-made [[My Little Pony]] videos on his [[Facebook]] page on June 26th, 2012, she had this to say:

{{quote|"I'm still [[Naïve|amazed]] at how so many [[Trolls|people]] think they can justify baiting and trolling an autistic man by calling him naive or saying he deserves it for _____. [[Twin Falling Towers|There]] [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|is]] [[Death threats|nothing]] [[6 June 2010|you]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|could]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|do]], Christian, that would make you deserve ANY of this treatment."|Anna. Again, [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|clearly delusional]].<ref>http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/582/holycrapyouaredelusiona.png</ref>}}
{{-}}

If you need any more proof about this mollycoddling, delusional behavior, however, consider [[Facebook#Gay Marriage|a certain post Chris made on his Facebook page]], which struck a nerve with Anna because of its blatant anti-homosexual tones. Despite both Anna and [[Kim]] - usually staunch rivals - calling him out on it, he brushed them both off, not even offering Anna, herself a homosexual, an apology for his behavior in the thread.

Despite this, what did Anna say mere weeks later?

{{quote|"Just rewatched your [[DVD]] with a friend. She agrees with me that you are a sweetheart and it made me really miss you. I wished you lived close so I could introduce you to her-she's married, but she would make a great friend to you. I got to thinking when you and I first met and I pulled out my folder of all the things you've sent or given me over the years- your comics, letters, cards. It all just serves to illustrate what a [[White Knight|remarkable injustice]] these [[Trolls|people]] have done to you through the years. I don't care what anyone says, '''[[Death threats|you]] [[Twin Falling Towers|do]] [[Homos|not]] [[Megan emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|deserve]] [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|an]] [[Facebook#Imgur|ounce]] [[White knight#Autism does not excuse a terrible person|of]] [[Chris and anger|hate]]'''. You're an incredible person with [[Chris and art|incredible creativity and talent]], and I hope that your ability to create has not dimmed too much. I wish [[CWCki|more people knew the real you]] instead of this [[CWCFlyingElephants|strange]] [[Death threats|monster]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the internet]] thinks you are. But I suppose that's how it is with celebrities of all kinds- people think they know them, but they never really do. [[Gal Pal|I love you]], and consider you one of my dearest friends and one of my most favorite people in the world. Stay strong, Christian. You have more [[Chaotic Combo|allies]] than you think."|Anna. Do we really need to say it again?}}
{{-}}

Keep in mind that this comes on the heels of not just a homophobic post he made, but a leak where he demanded that somebody murder Mimms' girlfriend.
It is ''very'' apparent that when it comes to [[white knight]] attitudes, Anna sits as queen, blissfully ignoring Chris' obvious problems and cheering him on, possibly until the day she dies.

Ironically, despite her encouragement, she has shown a severe dislike towards fellow Facebook white knight [[Kim Wilson]], suspecting her of being a troll. This is probably because although Kim also tries to improve Chris, she actually gives constructive and often harsh criticism rather than just confirming his ridiculous ideas and telling him what he wants to hear. Even more ironically, despite being one of Chris' most outspoken and staunch defenders online, Anna neither commented on nor showed any signs of helping Chris out when his house burned down, which ultimately means that his ''trolls'' have been more active in getting him back on his feet that his defenders. Make of that what you will.

===Twitter ramblings about Chris===
Following Anna's Facebook responses to Chris's loss of virginity, she saw an influx of trolls trying to befriend her on Facebook and follow her on [[Twitter]]. Despite voicing her hostility to the people who were following her only because they were trolling Chris, she continued to talk about him and them. Anna has since set her Twitter to private.<ref>https://twitter.com/#!/ourladyanna</ref>

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Day
! Time
|-
| I'm fed up with the way people have treated my friend over the years. He doesn't deserve the hand life dealt him, and it's stopping now.<ref name ="tweet2">http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/1281/tweet2.png</ref>
| 12 April 2012
| 10:37 PM
|-
| dear [[Christian Weston Chandler|fat, ugly manchildren]] constantly trying to add me on facebook to screencap my interactions with christian: you are all getting blocked.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
| 9:23 PM
|-
| and a special fuck you to any of you cunts who follow me on twitter purely in case i say something about chris.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
|9:24 PM
|-
| so much negativity...some people need to go live their own lives! well actually, everyone needs to. ha<ref name="tweet1">http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/1746/tweet1.png</ref>
| 15 April 2012
| 12:10 AM
|-
| tell me, basement dwellers, what are you hoping to accomplish with this? i'm a bit too evolved to take your bait. get a life, please.<ref name="tweet1"/>
| 15 April 2012
| 1:45 PM
|-
|}

===Chris dons the armour===

On 5 [[May 2012]] Chris and Anna reversed roles when he posted a [[Facebook#Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!|Facebook note]] in which he played the part of the white knight:

{{quote|She does NOT deserve to be bothered by you doofy trolls at all. It has always been ME you want. [...] Yes, she is cute, and it is possible that she may look like my [[mom]] at a younger age, but I do not see my mom in her, and she is who she is, and I respect Anna as a friend.

Aim your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] towards me alone, and Leave All of My Friends and Family alone.|Chris}}

Chris has stood up for Anna in the past as well. On 14 [[March 2010]] he wrote a [[CWC Blog#14 March 2010|blog post]] on the [[CWCipedia]] asking the CWCki's webmaster to remove from her website all mentions of Anna's name (and of the names of several other acquaintances of his) in the same way all mentions of [[The Wallflower]]'s real name were removed from the CWCki.

===Disagreements with Chris===

On 28 March 2013, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, complaining about media coverage of the historic [[wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Hollingsworth v. Perry]] Supreme Court deliberations:

{{quote|Another thing that really Grinds My Gears:

I mean no personal offense, and I am For Lesbians being together and their marriage. But I am really offended with the damn homosexual males altogether. So I am like 50/50 on the current topic in the newspapers, but I am 100% sick, tired and disgusted of having to read at least the headlines in the Post. Talk about something else already!|Chris on Facebook, 28 [[March 2013]]}}

To widespread surprise, Anna defied her usual pattern of being a mindless enabler to inform Chris that his logic was a bit [[slow in the mind]], in a change of the status quo that suggested Chris' antics were beginning to alienate even his staunchest defenders:

{{quote|it isn't right for you to be okay with lesbians and not be okay with gays|Anna, beginning to tire of Chris' nonsense}}

The next day, Chris responded:

{{quote|Like it is not right for me to prefer women over men for attraction and companionship? Or a number of women not liking women over men for their catty attitudes?|Chris, [[Honor roll|not making any sense whatsoever]]}}

As seen above, Chris's reply was nothing but an incoherent red herring, completely side-stepping the original question of why it was right for lesbians to marry and not right for gay men to. The real answer, of course, is because, to Chris, gay men are disgusting and [[Homos#Views on lesbianism|lesbians are hot]].

===Anti-troll plea to Catie===
On 18 [[December 2014]], it was leaked on the CWCki Forums that Anna desperately tried to stop [[Catherine|Catie]] from continuing her relationship with Chris, as Anna suspected (correctly) that Catie was a troll posing as a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Unfortunately for Anna, [[Catherine#The Date|Chris had met Catie at that point]] and was completely infatuated - Anna was fighting a losing battle. This incident does however reveal that Anna is still at least peripherally involved in Chris' life, despite the apparent silence since their spat over gay marriage.

Her last-ditch attempt to dislodge Catie was an attempted appeal to Catie's humanity: <ref>http://kiwifar.ms/threads/2014-dec-18-annas-anti-troll-plea-to-catie.6596/</ref>

{{quoteboxred|You really need to leave Christian alone. It's so painfully obvious to anyone on the outside that you have a fake profile specifically designed to troll him. Just about every paragraph holds a clue against you. The fake license was a pathetic effort, but one you knew would work well enough on someone [[naive]]. Too bad you used the wrong font, didn't match the background color, made your fake signature longer than the signature box would allow, and forgot to put the second signature over the picture.

I don't care what you're hoping to get out of this--whether you want to troll him to do something funny, or simply get him to trust you to ultimately help him. You are doing far more damage than you think. You're messing with an autistic man who simply won't see the truth because he wants the lie so badly. And that's sick. You're not just messing with him, though--you're messing with his mom, and you're messing with me.

Whatever your opinion of his mom is, it doesn't give you the right to break her heart either. She doesn't deserve to be given false hope that maybe her son HAS found a soul mate and WILL be taken care of after she's gone. Because that's her greatest fear, and you're playing on it like a predator.

So just stop. I know you're probably pretending to be upset with him right now so that you'll get him desperate enough to do whatever you tell him. It's obscene. Let it go, walk away. Delete the fake accounts, and never do anything like this again.}}

That Anna would make these criticisms of Catherine is highly ironic. Anna chastises Catherine for playing to Chris's harmful delusions, even if she's doing it to help him - the very delusions Anna has been callously nurturing for years, believing she was ''doing it to help him''.

The overall point of her message to Catherine illustrates that her pontifical attitude towards Chris has undergone no change as it has coursed through the river of time. It's possible that Chris's [[October 2014 Facebook Posts|recent announcements]] regarding LGBT affairs have coerced her to forgive him for his former unflinching homophobia.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:AVDYT01-001.jpg
Image:0689-ANNABD2.JPG|
Image:0690-ANNABD3.JPG|A seemingly innocent party...
Image:0691-ANNABD4.JPG|...with cards...
Image:0692-ANNABD5.JPG|...the close company of friends...
Image:0693-AnnaBD7.JPG|...cake...
Image:0697-AnnaBD10.JPG|...(too hard to tell)...
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|...aaaaaaaaaand here's Chris.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|One of these people is more awkward than the others.
Image:0696-AnnaBD6.JPG|Yes, she was smiling, but you can see that on the inside she was dying.
File:32-Modest Manna Card.jpg|"Modest Manna", a Mormon [[My Little Pony]] based on Anna.
File:Barb and anna.jpg|Anna with Barb
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:McLerran, Anna}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Anna McLerran

2016-09-21T04:20:51Z

Lysistrata:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Gal-pal
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Anamc.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Anna McLerran
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Anna Elizabeth McLerran
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 30 July [[1985]] (age {{Age|1985|7|30}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Religion'''
| Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons)
|-
| '''Residence'''
| [[Wikipedia:American Fork, Utah|American Fork, Utah]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Pac Sun employee
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}

'''Anna Elizabeth McLerran''' (born 30 July [[1985]]<ref>Anna [https://archive.today/D1ev6 stated on Facebook] that 30 July 2014 was her 29th birthday</ref>) is a [[gal pal]] and [[white knight]] who met [[Chris]] through her job at the Pac Sun in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. Chris was brought to her attention when, during the [[Love Quest]] era, he started advertising himself in front of the store. This inspired her short story [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]], published early in [[2005]].<ref>[http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html]</ref>

After publishing the story she befriended Chris and he threw her a surprise birthday party. Chris made romantic advances towards her until she told him she was a [[Chris and religion|Mormon]] and a [[Homos|lesbian]], even before coming out to family, in order to rebuff his advances.<ref>Via [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran Formspring]:"...it was the only way to get him to stop thinking of me as a 'candidate'..."</ref><ref>[http://thundercamp.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding Anna's Tumblr page]</ref> Chris refers to her as proof that he can be friends with [[homos|homosexuals]].<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

Most people who observe Chris intensely dislike Anna, as she is not seen to be a genuine friend to Chris; sometimes even equated with [[Barb]] in terms of making Chris worse, because like Barb, she has (or at least has had in the past) considerable influence over Chris, but seldom uses it to help him improve his life. Chris's observers note that [[28 October 2011|the first time]] Chris ran afoul of the law, she made a joke ''about him getting raped in prison'' on [[Facebook]], not exactly what friends say in these situations. Moreover, after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|his house burned down]], while even the denizens of the CWCki Forums were putting together a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House#Aftermath_and_reaction|care package]] for Chris, Anna was nowhere to be seen - until she popped up on one of Chris's Facebook statuses to discuss irrelevant drama, and was promptly called out for not even pretending to care that her "friend's" house had burned to the ground.

It should also be noted that Anna was initially a troll of sorts, sharing her interactions with Chris on the [[CWCki Forums]], at one point hosting a conference call with leading trolls wherein she primarily talked about herself, and seemingly only turned to counter-trolling when she didn't get the adoration she'd anticipated from the trolling community. Despite her apparent apathy to Chris or his problems (beyond the trolls of course), Anna is also known to lash out at people who threaten her privileged position by befriending Chris, including [[Kim Wilson]], a long-time friend of Chris's that he knows IRL, whom Anna tried to falsely out as a troll.

In short, most believe Anna is an attention-seeker who pretends to be Chris's friend for her own benefit, tries to function as his gatekeeper to give herself some illusion of power, and (nowadays, at least) only occasionally involves herself in his affairs for a fresh fix of attention, and by all accounts, she only associates with Chris in order to feel better about her own insecurities, that way she can say at least someone is worse off than she is.

Even Chris doesn't seem to deem her to be a friend anymore - as of 2015, he has been pining for the return of his [[gal-pals]] because he has no friends or social life, with no mention of Anna.

==Protection of Chris==

After Christian discovered The Crazy Pacer story on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Anna felt a need to defend Chris against the internet at large. In a textbook case of [[White knight|white knighting]], she edited Chris's ED page. Anna added a new section to the article, in an attempt to paint Chris as a [[Chris and fashion|goofy clown]], rather than a [[12 October 2009|perverse psychotic]].

{{quote|I wrote that blog back when I didn't know Chris personally. I got to know him soon after that, and we became real friends. He's a really nice guy, with a great sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. Yes, to the outsider he is quirky, and some of his actions and the things he says can be funny, but at the same time he cares deeply about his friends, and all the other good stuff nobody looking at this page wants to hear about. I just wanted to put that out there, though, since I obviously can't permanently delete the blog inclusion. I'll just have to wait until this whole website is shut down for good.|Note from Anniebannany<ref>http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=next&oldid=1997694799</ref>}}

This passage was so masturbatory that ED users assumed Chris himself wrote it, and it was credited accordingly. However, in [[December 2009]], Anna admitted to writing the article section herself.<ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439</ref> It is unknown why she had actually befriended him, but according to her, her intentions were pure. <ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/40869014897045504</ref>

{{quote|C-Chan continues to crack me up with his antics. I know he's straight, but LAWD. If that boy would just heed even a few of my warnings, I flatter myself to think he'd go far.|Anna (clearly delusional)<ref>http://annamclerran.blogspot.com/2009/01/el-dee-ess-bee-see.html</ref>}}

On the night of 5 [[December 2009]], Anna complained about socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Ritchie|Nicole Ritchie]] having appropriated a classic picture of Christian in his mother's underwear to use against faux-punk guitarist [[Wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]]. Anna, self-appointed guardian of Chris, kicked up a stink, demanding that the picture be taken down, as if it could not be found elsewhere. According to Anna, "he's autistic and does whatever the internet tells him to do :(",<ref name="twitpic">http://twitpic.com/s7pfi</ref> ignoring the substantial amount of depravity that he exhibits without any outside encouragement. Anna went on to criticize the CWCki and other sources of the truth about Chris, claiming that "there is very little truth to anything those websites say about him. trust me on this one. he is an awesome guy in real life. [[Death threats|super nice]]."<ref name="twitpic"/> This is all very amusing when you consider her initial reaction to seeing the picture: "WHAT THE FUCK hahahahahhahahahaaha he's getting so famous!!"<ref>[http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6377147359 Anna's Twitter]</ref>

In [[April 2012]], after Chris's [[Facebook]] status about his claims to losing his [[virgin with rage|virgin]]ity became public, Anna (using the name Fighta Jet Lopez) lashed out against trolls, and tried to offer Chris advice about befriending people online that he didn't know in real life.<ref>http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/435/anacwc.png</ref>
{{-}}

Needless to say, Anna isn't popular amongst the troll community, since she not only remains a [[White knight|staunch defender]] of Chris' antics, but is also pretty delusional, especially when the evidence of Chris' [[Tomgirl Pictures|own]] [[Death threats|mental]] [[28 October 2011|instability]] is practically hitting her right in the face. Like Christian's parents, Anna is an enabler, albeit an indirect one, who opts to tell Chris [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants to hear]] instead of what he ''should'' hear. For example, in a response to Chris's complaining about fan-made [[My Little Pony]] videos on his [[Facebook]] page on June 26th, 2012, she had this to say:

{{quote|"I'm still [[Naïve|amazed]] at how so many [[Trolls|people]] think they can justify baiting and trolling an autistic man by calling him naive or saying he deserves it for _____. [[Twin Falling Towers|There]] [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|is]] [[Death threats|nothing]] [[6 June 2010|you]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|could]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|do]], Christian, that would make you deserve ANY of this treatment."|Anna. Again, [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|clearly delusional]].<ref>http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/582/holycrapyouaredelusiona.png</ref>}}
{{-}}

If you need any more proof about this mollycoddling, delusional behavior, however, consider [[Facebook#Gay Marriage|a certain post Chris made on his Facebook page]], which struck a nerve with Anna because of its blatant anti-homosexual tones. Despite both Anna and [[Kim]] - usually staunch rivals - calling him out on it, he brushed them both off, not even offering Anna, herself a homosexual, an apology for his behavior in the thread.

Despite this, what did Anna say mere weeks later?

{{quote|"Just rewatched your [[DVD]] with a friend. She agrees with me that you are a sweetheart and it made me really miss you. I wished you lived close so I could introduce you to her-she's married, but she would make a great friend to you. I got to thinking when you and I first met and I pulled out my folder of all the things you've sent or given me over the years- your comics, letters, cards. It all just serves to illustrate what a [[White Knight|remarkable injustice]] these [[Trolls|people]] have done to you through the years. I don't care what anyone says, '''[[Death threats|you]] [[Twin Falling Towers|do]] [[Homos|not]] [[Megan emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|deserve]] [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|an]] [[Facebook#Imgur|ounce]] [[White knight#Autism does not excuse a terrible person|of]] [[Chris and anger|hate]]'''. You're an incredible person with [[Chris and art|incredible creativity and talent]], and I hope that your ability to create has not dimmed too much. I wish [[CWCki|more people knew the real you]] instead of this [[CWCFlyingElephants|strange]] [[Death threats|monster]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the internet]] thinks you are. But I suppose that's how it is with celebrities of all kinds- people think they know them, but they never really do. [[Gal Pal|I love you]], and consider you one of my dearest friends and one of my most favorite people in the world. Stay strong, Christian. You have more [[Chaotic Combo|allies]] than you think."|Anna. Do we really need to say it again?}}
{{-}}

Keep in mind that this comes on the heels of not just a homophobic post he made, but a leak where he demanded that somebody murder Mimms' girlfriend.
It is ''very'' apparent that when it comes to [[white knight]] attitudes, Anna sits as queen, blissfully ignoring Chris' obvious problems and cheering him on, possibly until the day she dies.

Ironically, despite her encouragement, she has shown a severe dislike towards fellow Facebook white knight [[Kim Wilson]], suspecting her of being a troll. This is probably because although Kim also tries to improve Chris, she actually gives constructive and often harsh criticism rather than just confirming his ridiculous ideas and telling him what he wants to hear. Even more ironically, despite being one of Chris' most outspoken and staunch defenders online, Anna neither commented on nor showed any signs of helping Chris out when his house burned down, which ultimately means that his ''trolls'' have been more active in getting him back on his feet that his defenders. Make of that what you will.

===Twitter ramblings about Chris===
Following Anna's Facebook responses to Chris's loss of virginity, she saw an influx of trolls trying to befriend her on Facebook and follow her on [[Twitter]]. Despite voicing her hostility to the people who were following her only because they were trolling Chris, she continued to talk about him and them. Anna has since set her Twitter to private.<ref>https://twitter.com/#!/ourladyanna</ref>

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Day
! Time
|-
| I'm fed up with the way people have treated my friend over the years. He doesn't deserve the hand life dealt him, and it's stopping now.<ref name ="tweet2">http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/1281/tweet2.png</ref>
| 12 April 2012
| 10:37 PM
|-
| dear [[Christian Weston Chandler|fat, ugly manchildren]] constantly trying to add me on facebook to screencap my interactions with christian: you are all getting blocked.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
| 9:23 PM
|-
| and a special fuck you to any of you cunts who follow me on twitter purely in case i say something about chris.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
|9:24 PM
|-
| so much negativity...some people need to go live their own lives! well actually, everyone needs to. ha<ref name="tweet1">http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/1746/tweet1.png</ref>
| 15 April 2012
| 12:10 AM
|-
| tell me, basement dwellers, what are you hoping to accomplish with this? i'm a bit too evolved to take your bait. get a life, please.<ref name="tweet1"/>
| 15 April 2012
| 1:45 PM
|-
|}

===Chris dons the armour===

On 5 [[May 2012]] Chris and Anna reversed roles when he posted a [[Facebook#Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!|Facebook note]] in which he played the part of the white knight:

{{quote|She does NOT deserve to be bothered by you doofy trolls at all. It has always been ME you want. [...] Yes, she is cute, and it is possible that she may look like my [[mom]] at a younger age, but I do not see my mom in her, and she is who she is, and I respect Anna as a friend.

Aim your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] towards me alone, and Leave All of My Friends and Family alone.|Chris}}

Chris has stood up for Anna in the past as well. On 14 [[March 2010]] he wrote a [[CWC Blog#14 March 2010|blog post]] on the [[CWCipedia]] asking the CWCki's webmaster to remove from her website all mentions of Anna's name (and of the names of several other acquaintances of his) in the same way all mentions of [[The Wallflower]]'s real name were removed from the CWCki.

===Disagreements with Chris===

On 28 March 2013, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, complaining about media coverage of the historic [[wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Hollingsworth v. Perry]] Supreme Court deliberations:

{{quote|Another thing that really Grinds My Gears:

I mean no personal offense, and I am For Lesbians being together and their marriage. But I am really offended with the damn homosexual males altogether. So I am like 50/50 on the current topic in the newspapers, but I am 100% sick, tired and disgusted of having to read at least the headlines in the Post. Talk about something else already!|Chris on Facebook, 28 [[March 2013]]}}

To widespread surprise, Anna defied her usual pattern of being a mindless enabler to inform Chris that his logic was a bit [[slow in the mind]], in a change of the status quo that suggested Chris' antics were beginning to alienate even his staunchest defenders:

{{quote|it isn't right for you to be okay with lesbians and not be okay with gays|Anna, beginning to tire of Chris' nonsense}}

The next day, Chris responded:

{{quote|Like it is not right for me to prefer women over men for attraction and companionship? Or a number of women not liking women over men for their catty attitudes?|Chris, [[Honor roll|not making any sense whatsoever]]}}

As seen above, Chris's reply was nothing but an incoherent red herring, completely side-stepping the original question of why it was right for lesbians to marry and not right for gay men to. The real answer, of course, is because, to Chris, gay men are disgusting and [[Homos#Views on lesbianism|lesbians are hot]].

===Anti-troll plea to Catie===
On 18 [[December 2014]], it was leaked on the CWCki Forums that Anna desperately tried to stop [[Catherine|Catie]] from continuing her relationship with Chris, as Anna suspected (correctly) that Catie was a troll posing as a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Unfortunately for Anna, [[Catherine#The Date|Chris had met Catie at that point]] and was completely infatuated - Anna was fighting a losing battle. This incident does however reveal that Anna is still at least peripherally involved in Chris' life, despite the apparent silence since their spat over gay marriage.

Her last-ditch attempt to dislodge Catie was an attempted appeal to Catie's humanity: <ref>http://kiwifar.ms/threads/2014-dec-18-annas-anti-troll-plea-to-catie.6596/</ref>

{{quoteboxred|You really need to leave Christian alone. It's so painfully obvious to anyone on the outside that you have a fake profile specifically designed to troll him. Just about every paragraph holds a clue against you. The fake license was a pathetic effort, but one you knew would work well enough on someone [[naive]]. Too bad you used the wrong font, didn't match the background color, made your fake signature longer than the signature box would allow, and forgot to put the second signature over the picture.

I don't care what you're hoping to get out of this--whether you want to troll him to do something funny, or simply get him to trust you to ultimately help him. You are doing far more damage than you think. You're messing with an autistic man who simply won't see the truth because he wants the lie so badly. And that's sick. You're not just messing with him, though--you're messing with his mom, and you're messing with me.

Whatever your opinion of his mom is, it doesn't give you the right to break her heart either. She doesn't deserve to be given false hope that maybe her son HAS found a soul mate and WILL be taken care of after she's gone. Because that's her greatest fear, and you're playing on it like a predator.

So just stop. I know you're probably pretending to be upset with him right now so that you'll get him desperate enough to do whatever you tell him. It's obscene. Let it go, walk away. Delete the fake accounts, and never do anything like this again.}}

That Anna would make these criticisms of Catherine is highly ironic. Anna chastises Catherine for playing to Chris's harmful delusions, even if she's doing it to help him - the very delusions Anna has been callously nurturing for years, believing she was ''doing it to help him''.

The overall point of her message to Catherine illustrates that her pontifical attitude towards Chris has undergone no change as it has coursed through the river of time. It's possible that Chris's [[October 2014 Facebook Posts|recent announcements]] regarding LGBT affairs have coerced her to forgive him for his former unflinching homophobia.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:AVDYT01-001.jpg
Image:0689-ANNABD2.JPG|
Image:0690-ANNABD3.JPG|A seemingly innocent party...
Image:0691-ANNABD4.JPG|...with cards...
Image:0692-ANNABD5.JPG|...the close company of friends...
Image:0693-AnnaBD7.JPG|...cake...
Image:0697-AnnaBD10.JPG|...(too hard to tell)...
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|...aaaaaaaaaand here's Chris.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|One of these people is more awkward than the others.
Image:0696-AnnaBD6.JPG|Yes, she was smiling, but you can see that on the inside she was dying.
File:32-Modest Manna Card.jpg|"Modest Manna", a Mormon [[My Little Pony]] based on Anna.
File:Barb and Anna.jpg|Anna with Barb
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:McLerran, Anna}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Anna McLerran

2016-09-21T04:18:34Z

Lysistrata:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Gal-pal
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Barb and anna.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Anna McLerran
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Anna Elizabeth McLerran
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 30 July [[1985]] (age {{Age|1985|7|30}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Religion'''
| Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons)
|-
| '''Residence'''
| [[Wikipedia:American Fork, Utah|American Fork, Utah]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Pac Sun employee
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}

'''Anna Elizabeth McLerran''' (born 30 July [[1985]]<ref>Anna [https://archive.today/D1ev6 stated on Facebook] that 30 July 2014 was her 29th birthday</ref>) is a [[gal pal]] and [[white knight]] who met [[Chris]] through her job at the Pac Sun in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. Chris was brought to her attention when, during the [[Love Quest]] era, he started advertising himself in front of the store. This inspired her short story [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]], published early in [[2005]].<ref>[http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html http://dangerless.blogspot.com/2005/02/story-7.html]</ref>

After publishing the story she befriended Chris and he threw her a surprise birthday party. Chris made romantic advances towards her until she told him she was a [[Chris and religion|Mormon]] and a [[Homos|lesbian]], even before coming out to family, in order to rebuff his advances.<ref>Via [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran Formspring]:"...it was the only way to get him to stop thinking of me as a 'candidate'..."</ref><ref>[http://thundercamp.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding Anna's Tumblr page]</ref> Chris refers to her as proof that he can be friends with [[homos|homosexuals]].<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

Most people who observe Chris intensely dislike Anna, as she is not seen to be a genuine friend to Chris; sometimes even equated with [[Barb]] in terms of making Chris worse, because like Barb, she has (or at least has had in the past) considerable influence over Chris, but seldom uses it to help him improve his life. Chris's observers note that [[28 October 2011|the first time]] Chris ran afoul of the law, she made a joke ''about him getting raped in prison'' on [[Facebook]], not exactly what friends say in these situations. Moreover, after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|his house burned down]], while even the denizens of the CWCki Forums were putting together a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House#Aftermath_and_reaction|care package]] for Chris, Anna was nowhere to be seen - until she popped up on one of Chris's Facebook statuses to discuss irrelevant drama, and was promptly called out for not even pretending to care that her "friend's" house had burned to the ground.

It should also be noted that Anna was initially a troll of sorts, sharing her interactions with Chris on the [[CWCki Forums]], at one point hosting a conference call with leading trolls wherein she primarily talked about herself, and seemingly only turned to counter-trolling when she didn't get the adoration she'd anticipated from the trolling community. Despite her apparent apathy to Chris or his problems (beyond the trolls of course), Anna is also known to lash out at people who threaten her privileged position by befriending Chris, including [[Kim Wilson]], a long-time friend of Chris's that he knows IRL, whom Anna tried to falsely out as a troll.

In short, most believe Anna is an attention-seeker who pretends to be Chris's friend for her own benefit, tries to function as his gatekeeper to give herself some illusion of power, and (nowadays, at least) only occasionally involves herself in his affairs for a fresh fix of attention, and by all accounts, she only associates with Chris in order to feel better about her own insecurities, that way she can say at least someone is worse off than she is.

Even Chris doesn't seem to deem her to be a friend anymore - as of 2015, he has been pining for the return of his [[gal-pals]] because he has no friends or social life, with no mention of Anna.

==Protection of Chris==

After Christian discovered The Crazy Pacer story on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Anna felt a need to defend Chris against the internet at large. In a textbook case of [[White knight|white knighting]], she edited Chris's ED page. Anna added a new section to the article, in an attempt to paint Chris as a [[Chris and fashion|goofy clown]], rather than a [[12 October 2009|perverse psychotic]].

{{quote|I wrote that blog back when I didn't know Chris personally. I got to know him soon after that, and we became real friends. He's a really nice guy, with a great sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. Yes, to the outsider he is quirky, and some of his actions and the things he says can be funny, but at the same time he cares deeply about his friends, and all the other good stuff nobody looking at this page wants to hear about. I just wanted to put that out there, though, since I obviously can't permanently delete the blog inclusion. I'll just have to wait until this whole website is shut down for good.|Note from Anniebannany<ref>http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=next&oldid=1997694799</ref>}}

This passage was so masturbatory that ED users assumed Chris himself wrote it, and it was credited accordingly. However, in [[December 2009]], Anna admitted to writing the article section herself.<ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439</ref> It is unknown why she had actually befriended him, but according to her, her intentions were pure. <ref>http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/40869014897045504</ref>

{{quote|C-Chan continues to crack me up with his antics. I know he's straight, but LAWD. If that boy would just heed even a few of my warnings, I flatter myself to think he'd go far.|Anna (clearly delusional)<ref>http://annamclerran.blogspot.com/2009/01/el-dee-ess-bee-see.html</ref>}}

On the night of 5 [[December 2009]], Anna complained about socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Ritchie|Nicole Ritchie]] having appropriated a classic picture of Christian in his mother's underwear to use against faux-punk guitarist [[Wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]]. Anna, self-appointed guardian of Chris, kicked up a stink, demanding that the picture be taken down, as if it could not be found elsewhere. According to Anna, "he's autistic and does whatever the internet tells him to do :(",<ref name="twitpic">http://twitpic.com/s7pfi</ref> ignoring the substantial amount of depravity that he exhibits without any outside encouragement. Anna went on to criticize the CWCki and other sources of the truth about Chris, claiming that "there is very little truth to anything those websites say about him. trust me on this one. he is an awesome guy in real life. [[Death threats|super nice]]."<ref name="twitpic"/> This is all very amusing when you consider her initial reaction to seeing the picture: "WHAT THE FUCK hahahahahhahahahaaha he's getting so famous!!"<ref>[http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6377147359 Anna's Twitter]</ref>

In [[April 2012]], after Chris's [[Facebook]] status about his claims to losing his [[virgin with rage|virgin]]ity became public, Anna (using the name Fighta Jet Lopez) lashed out against trolls, and tried to offer Chris advice about befriending people online that he didn't know in real life.<ref>http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/435/anacwc.png</ref>
{{-}}

Needless to say, Anna isn't popular amongst the troll community, since she not only remains a [[White knight|staunch defender]] of Chris' antics, but is also pretty delusional, especially when the evidence of Chris' [[Tomgirl Pictures|own]] [[Death threats|mental]] [[28 October 2011|instability]] is practically hitting her right in the face. Like Christian's parents, Anna is an enabler, albeit an indirect one, who opts to tell Chris [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants to hear]] instead of what he ''should'' hear. For example, in a response to Chris's complaining about fan-made [[My Little Pony]] videos on his [[Facebook]] page on June 26th, 2012, she had this to say:

{{quote|"I'm still [[Naïve|amazed]] at how so many [[Trolls|people]] think they can justify baiting and trolling an autistic man by calling him naive or saying he deserves it for _____. [[Twin Falling Towers|There]] [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|is]] [[Death threats|nothing]] [[6 June 2010|you]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|could]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|do]], Christian, that would make you deserve ANY of this treatment."|Anna. Again, [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|clearly delusional]].<ref>http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/582/holycrapyouaredelusiona.png</ref>}}
{{-}}

If you need any more proof about this mollycoddling, delusional behavior, however, consider [[Facebook#Gay Marriage|a certain post Chris made on his Facebook page]], which struck a nerve with Anna because of its blatant anti-homosexual tones. Despite both Anna and [[Kim]] - usually staunch rivals - calling him out on it, he brushed them both off, not even offering Anna, herself a homosexual, an apology for his behavior in the thread.

Despite this, what did Anna say mere weeks later?

{{quote|"Just rewatched your [[DVD]] with a friend. She agrees with me that you are a sweetheart and it made me really miss you. I wished you lived close so I could introduce you to her-she's married, but she would make a great friend to you. I got to thinking when you and I first met and I pulled out my folder of all the things you've sent or given me over the years- your comics, letters, cards. It all just serves to illustrate what a [[White Knight|remarkable injustice]] these [[Trolls|people]] have done to you through the years. I don't care what anyone says, '''[[Death threats|you]] [[Twin Falling Towers|do]] [[Homos|not]] [[Megan emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|deserve]] [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|an]] [[Facebook#Imgur|ounce]] [[White knight#Autism does not excuse a terrible person|of]] [[Chris and anger|hate]]'''. You're an incredible person with [[Chris and art|incredible creativity and talent]], and I hope that your ability to create has not dimmed too much. I wish [[CWCki|more people knew the real you]] instead of this [[CWCFlyingElephants|strange]] [[Death threats|monster]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the internet]] thinks you are. But I suppose that's how it is with celebrities of all kinds- people think they know them, but they never really do. [[Gal Pal|I love you]], and consider you one of my dearest friends and one of my most favorite people in the world. Stay strong, Christian. You have more [[Chaotic Combo|allies]] than you think."|Anna. Do we really need to say it again?}}
{{-}}

Keep in mind that this comes on the heels of not just a homophobic post he made, but a leak where he demanded that somebody murder Mimms' girlfriend.
It is ''very'' apparent that when it comes to [[white knight]] attitudes, Anna sits as queen, blissfully ignoring Chris' obvious problems and cheering him on, possibly until the day she dies.

Ironically, despite her encouragement, she has shown a severe dislike towards fellow Facebook white knight [[Kim Wilson]], suspecting her of being a troll. This is probably because although Kim also tries to improve Chris, she actually gives constructive and often harsh criticism rather than just confirming his ridiculous ideas and telling him what he wants to hear. Even more ironically, despite being one of Chris' most outspoken and staunch defenders online, Anna neither commented on nor showed any signs of helping Chris out when his house burned down, which ultimately means that his ''trolls'' have been more active in getting him back on his feet that his defenders. Make of that what you will.

===Twitter ramblings about Chris===
Following Anna's Facebook responses to Chris's loss of virginity, she saw an influx of trolls trying to befriend her on Facebook and follow her on [[Twitter]]. Despite voicing her hostility to the people who were following her only because they were trolling Chris, she continued to talk about him and them. Anna has since set her Twitter to private.<ref>https://twitter.com/#!/ourladyanna</ref>

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Day
! Time
|-
| I'm fed up with the way people have treated my friend over the years. He doesn't deserve the hand life dealt him, and it's stopping now.<ref name ="tweet2">http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/1281/tweet2.png</ref>
| 12 April 2012
| 10:37 PM
|-
| dear [[Christian Weston Chandler|fat, ugly manchildren]] constantly trying to add me on facebook to screencap my interactions with christian: you are all getting blocked.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
| 9:23 PM
|-
| and a special fuck you to any of you cunts who follow me on twitter purely in case i say something about chris.<ref name="tweet2"/>
| 13 April 2012
|9:24 PM
|-
| so much negativity...some people need to go live their own lives! well actually, everyone needs to. ha<ref name="tweet1">http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/1746/tweet1.png</ref>
| 15 April 2012
| 12:10 AM
|-
| tell me, basement dwellers, what are you hoping to accomplish with this? i'm a bit too evolved to take your bait. get a life, please.<ref name="tweet1"/>
| 15 April 2012
| 1:45 PM
|-
|}

===Chris dons the armour===

On 5 [[May 2012]] Chris and Anna reversed roles when he posted a [[Facebook#Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!|Facebook note]] in which he played the part of the white knight:

{{quote|She does NOT deserve to be bothered by you doofy trolls at all. It has always been ME you want. [...] Yes, she is cute, and it is possible that she may look like my [[mom]] at a younger age, but I do not see my mom in her, and she is who she is, and I respect Anna as a friend.

Aim your [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] towards me alone, and Leave All of My Friends and Family alone.|Chris}}

Chris has stood up for Anna in the past as well. On 14 [[March 2010]] he wrote a [[CWC Blog#14 March 2010|blog post]] on the [[CWCipedia]] asking the CWCki's webmaster to remove from her website all mentions of Anna's name (and of the names of several other acquaintances of his) in the same way all mentions of [[The Wallflower]]'s real name were removed from the CWCki.

===Disagreements with Chris===

On 28 March 2013, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, complaining about media coverage of the historic [[wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Hollingsworth v. Perry]] Supreme Court deliberations:

{{quote|Another thing that really Grinds My Gears:

I mean no personal offense, and I am For Lesbians being together and their marriage. But I am really offended with the damn homosexual males altogether. So I am like 50/50 on the current topic in the newspapers, but I am 100% sick, tired and disgusted of having to read at least the headlines in the Post. Talk about something else already!|Chris on Facebook, 28 [[March 2013]]}}

To widespread surprise, Anna defied her usual pattern of being a mindless enabler to inform Chris that his logic was a bit [[slow in the mind]], in a change of the status quo that suggested Chris' antics were beginning to alienate even his staunchest defenders:

{{quote|it isn't right for you to be okay with lesbians and not be okay with gays|Anna, beginning to tire of Chris' nonsense}}

The next day, Chris responded:

{{quote|Like it is not right for me to prefer women over men for attraction and companionship? Or a number of women not liking women over men for their catty attitudes?|Chris, [[Honor roll|not making any sense whatsoever]]}}

As seen above, Chris's reply was nothing but an incoherent red herring, completely side-stepping the original question of why it was right for lesbians to marry and not right for gay men to. The real answer, of course, is because, to Chris, gay men are disgusting and [[Homos#Views on lesbianism|lesbians are hot]].

===Anti-troll plea to Catie===
On 18 [[December 2014]], it was leaked on the CWCki Forums that Anna desperately tried to stop [[Catherine|Catie]] from continuing her relationship with Chris, as Anna suspected (correctly) that Catie was a troll posing as a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Unfortunately for Anna, [[Catherine#The Date|Chris had met Catie at that point]] and was completely infatuated - Anna was fighting a losing battle. This incident does however reveal that Anna is still at least peripherally involved in Chris' life, despite the apparent silence since their spat over gay marriage.

Her last-ditch attempt to dislodge Catie was an attempted appeal to Catie's humanity: <ref>http://kiwifar.ms/threads/2014-dec-18-annas-anti-troll-plea-to-catie.6596/</ref>

{{quoteboxred|You really need to leave Christian alone. It's so painfully obvious to anyone on the outside that you have a fake profile specifically designed to troll him. Just about every paragraph holds a clue against you. The fake license was a pathetic effort, but one you knew would work well enough on someone [[naive]]. Too bad you used the wrong font, didn't match the background color, made your fake signature longer than the signature box would allow, and forgot to put the second signature over the picture.

I don't care what you're hoping to get out of this--whether you want to troll him to do something funny, or simply get him to trust you to ultimately help him. You are doing far more damage than you think. You're messing with an autistic man who simply won't see the truth because he wants the lie so badly. And that's sick. You're not just messing with him, though--you're messing with his mom, and you're messing with me.

Whatever your opinion of his mom is, it doesn't give you the right to break her heart either. She doesn't deserve to be given false hope that maybe her son HAS found a soul mate and WILL be taken care of after she's gone. Because that's her greatest fear, and you're playing on it like a predator.

So just stop. I know you're probably pretending to be upset with him right now so that you'll get him desperate enough to do whatever you tell him. It's obscene. Let it go, walk away. Delete the fake accounts, and never do anything like this again.}}

That Anna would make these criticisms of Catherine is highly ironic. Anna chastises Catherine for playing to Chris's harmful delusions, even if she's doing it to help him - the very delusions Anna has been callously nurturing for years, believing she was ''doing it to help him''.

The overall point of her message to Catherine illustrates that her pontifical attitude towards Chris has undergone no change as it has coursed through the river of time. It's possible that Chris's [[October 2014 Facebook Posts|recent announcements]] regarding LGBT affairs have coerced her to forgive him for his former unflinching homophobia.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:AVDYT01-001.jpg
Image:0689-ANNABD2.JPG|
Image:0690-ANNABD3.JPG|A seemingly innocent party...
Image:0691-ANNABD4.JPG|...with cards...
Image:0692-ANNABD5.JPG|...the close company of friends...
Image:0693-AnnaBD7.JPG|...cake...
Image:0697-AnnaBD10.JPG|...(too hard to tell)...
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|...aaaaaaaaaand here's Chris.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|One of these people is more awkward than the others.
Image:0696-AnnaBD6.JPG|Yes, she was smiling, but you can see that on the inside she was dying.
File:32-Modest Manna Card.jpg|"Modest Manna", a Mormon [[My Little Pony]] based on Anna.
File:Anamc.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:McLerran, Anna}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Barbara Chandler

2016-09-21T04:15:07Z

Lysistrata: /* Physical */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Barb 2016.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from Randolph-Henry High School in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the Future Homemakers of America, a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook The Log, and a member of the Spanish Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to her figure.

===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting Cole tries to use big words to impress people - [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, Cole's friend syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]] made an Internet post questioning the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child. <ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckserville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather stayed in in their old home. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
</gallery>
</center>

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

It appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb too much. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris since then. <ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara has occasionally spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances and shit!!!" Consensus was that the so called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

More recently, Chris has been talking less and less about his surviving parent, so information about how she's doing is scarce. However, what little information we do have suggests that she isn't doing so well. In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. On the occasion that she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass (probably due to her sedentary lifestyle). In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not appear to be very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]], and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "Her time runs out", even though the latter two aren't Barb's children.

In June 2016, Barb appeared in [[Donations Requested, Please.|two]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help‎|videos]] as Chris asks for donations to buy asthma medication for her; here, Barb appears with wrinkled skin and scant hair, and apparently cannot speak, further indicating her alarming physical decline.

In August 2016, [[Anna McLerran]] posted a photo on [[Facebook]] of herself and Barb together. In it, Barb appears to have aged significantly since her last appearance in the "Donations Further Requested, Please" video.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might commit suicide, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/> To this day, it remains unclear whether she was actually suicidal, or idly threatening suicide for her own gain.

Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be a narcissist, on account of her seemingly baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances when any sane person could see that only they were in the wrong. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating but complex topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also noted by Christorians for her hoarding. Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>, and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the state it has left [[14 Branchland Court|their house]] in, although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms literally inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[January 2014|January 10 2014]], when in the wee hours of the morning, Chris [[Destruction Of Chris's House|started a house fire]] while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Equally unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the fire-fighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless.

On [[July 2016|July 13 2016]], Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being Barb, was putting on an act for money.

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

Five years later, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying debts. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]] [[2016]] when sharp eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. As she must have been outright ignoring her debt for some time for the bank to take her to court over it, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay $4,706.93<ref>File:Barb discover bank result.png</ref>.

Five months later, Barb was sued again, this time by Capital One Bank, for the same reason. The hearing in September resulted in a Default Judgement against Barb, meaning that she didn't bother attending. She owes Capital One $15,906.99<ref>File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png</ref>.

==Appearances==
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]
[[File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Barb in a drawing released in [[November 2015]].]]
===In ''Sonichu''===
In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in six videos to date as of [[February 2015]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015. [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|Two more]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]

In a [[Donations Further Requested, Please|video]] released on 13 July 2016, Barbara joins her son in shamelessly e-begging. Her voice tired and hoarse, mouth agape, she stares directly into the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Barb, evolved into Snorlax.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage. Buy yours today on [[Etsy]].
File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Barbara Chandler

2016-09-21T04:14:38Z

Lysistrata: /* Physical */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Barb 2016.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from Randolph-Henry High School in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the Future Homemakers of America, a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook The Log, and a member of the Spanish Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to her figure.

===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting Cole tries to use big words to impress people - [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, Cole's friend syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]] made an Internet post questioning the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child. <ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckserville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather stayed in in their old home. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
</gallery>
</center>

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

It appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb too much. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris since then. <ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara has occasionally spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances and shit!!!" Consensus was that the so called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

More recently, Chris has been talking less and less about his surviving parent, so information about how she's doing is scarce. However, what little information we do have suggests that she isn't doing so well. In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. On the occasion that she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass (probably due to her sedentary lifestyle). In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not appear to be very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]], and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "Her time runs out", even though the latter two aren't Barb's children.

In June 2016, Barb appeared in [[Donations Requested, Please.|two]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help‎|videos]] as Chris asks for donations to buy asthma medication for her; here, Barb appears with wrinkled skin and scant hair, and apparently cannot speak, further indicating her alarming physical decline.

On 20 September 2016, [[Anna McLerran]] posted a photo on [[Facebook]] of herself and Barb together. In it, Barb appears to have aged significantly since her last appearance in the "Donations Further Requested, Please" video.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might commit suicide, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/> To this day, it remains unclear whether she was actually suicidal, or idly threatening suicide for her own gain.

Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be a narcissist, on account of her seemingly baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances when any sane person could see that only they were in the wrong. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating but complex topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also noted by Christorians for her hoarding. Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>, and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the state it has left [[14 Branchland Court|their house]] in, although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms literally inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[January 2014|January 10 2014]], when in the wee hours of the morning, Chris [[Destruction Of Chris's House|started a house fire]] while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Equally unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the fire-fighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless.

On [[July 2016|July 13 2016]], Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being Barb, was putting on an act for money.

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

Five years later, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying debts. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]] [[2016]] when sharp eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. As she must have been outright ignoring her debt for some time for the bank to take her to court over it, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay $4,706.93<ref>File:Barb discover bank result.png</ref>.

Five months later, Barb was sued again, this time by Capital One Bank, for the same reason. The hearing in September resulted in a Default Judgement against Barb, meaning that she didn't bother attending. She owes Capital One $15,906.99<ref>File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png</ref>.

==Appearances==
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]
[[File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Barb in a drawing released in [[November 2015]].]]
===In ''Sonichu''===
In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in six videos to date as of [[February 2015]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015. [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|Two more]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]

In a [[Donations Further Requested, Please|video]] released on 13 July 2016, Barbara joins her son in shamelessly e-begging. Her voice tired and hoarse, mouth agape, she stares directly into the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Barb, evolved into Snorlax.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage. Buy yours today on [[Etsy]].
File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

White knight

2016-09-17T15:07:25Z

Lysistrata: /* Circumstances beyond Chris's control */

{{Articleofthenow}}
 
[[Image:White knight.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Artist's conception.]]

{{quote|Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?|[[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man|Bonnie Tyler]], "[[Holding Out for a Hero]]"}}

'''White knight''' is a term used to describe someone who goes on [[the Internet]] to help or defend someone else against other people, out of [[CWC is Sad|pity or compassion]], or for [[Sex|ulterior motives]]. White knighting of [[Chris]] is especially prevalent because of the sheer volume of abuse he's taken ever since he found his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, which in turn is caused by Chris's total unwillingness to heed any of his many white knights.

'''Counter-trolls''' are those who take Chris's side to spite his [[trolls]]. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls, who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with [[anti-troll]]s, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him themselves.

In the broader internet trolling community, a wide range of people, from neutral observers to even his greatest trolls, are accused of being white knights. This is mostly due to Chris's "fans" discouraging [[Weening]] and [[A-Logging]], acts which, to outside observers, could be misinterpreted as an attempt to reduce trolling. Many of these outside observers are also confused by the tendency of Chris's trolls, including his most [[Vivian Gee|prolific]] [[Clyde Cash|ones]], trying to get him to improve his life, as they don't know Chris well enough to know it's nigh impossible to get him to improve using the "soft touch". So when the label "white knight" gets thrown around, take it with a grain of salt.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being a lolcow, and whether he is deserving of such assistance, or even beyond help. Once upon a time, the consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's ED article, [[/cwc/]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]], and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] was that Chris's [[racism]], [[Homos|homophobia]], and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] made him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him in good faith.

Today, however, Chris's racism and homophobia are slowly ebbing away along with his parents' influence over him, and A-Logging is no longer as fashionable as it once was. Accordingly, nowadays, opinion on the matter is somewhat divided on whether Chris is capable of improvement, although most agree that if Chris is going to improve, it will not be in any large part due to the efforts of third parties because, in the main, he is still too proud and stubborn to accept advice.

Some believe that Chris is improving on his own, albeit slowly and in small increments, as seen in his gradual abandonment of his homophobia, which began with him declaring tolerance for lesbians, which he eventually extended to gay men. Others believe that Chris has not tangibly improved, that he has merely moved sideways, rather than forward. Many of these believe that Chris cannot improve, for example, his [[tugboat]], his public misadventures and the thorough documentation of his sordid dealings online make employment all but an impossibility for Chris. Many more quibble over what can be defined as Chris "improving". Some have proposed that Chris improving need not necessarily mean becoming a functioning adult, which at this stage would be an uphill battle for Chris anyway. Rather, they claim that Chris is improving in that he is happier than he once was. He has found [[Impulse Gay Social Club|a new hangout]] where he stands to improve his social skills and make friends. Moreover, he has finally found a way to cash in on his e-fame, delighted his fanbase by resuming the comics ''and'' made his dreams of a Sonichu media empire a reality, albeit probably on a much smaller scale than he once envisaged.

In any case, the consensus on white knights and counter-trolls has remained somewhat consistent; they are and always have been seen as wasting everyone's time by trolls and Christorians alike, who accordingly have little patience for them.

==Motives==

===Pity===
Following the release of Chris's first [[nudes]] and the [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|video]] in which he reacted to the loss of his [[medallion]]s and [[Blanca]], many people, including trolls, felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

===Empathy===
The internet is full of [[autistic]] people, manchildren, and self-absorbed morons. Many of them are right here, fascinated with Chris. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his [[obesity]], his all-consuming need for female companionship, or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up. They think they can help improve Chris by offering the benefit of their experience.

===Circumstances beyond Chris's control===
Chris fails to identify people, a possible sign of [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|prosopagnosia]]. [[BlueSpike|Julie and her brother Max]] used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't recognize that they were the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict Blanca, and yet Chris thought they were the same person. Chris believed that pictures of [[Wikipedia:Megan Fox|Megan Fox]] were of [[Vanessa Hudgens]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|Vanessa AIM Chat IX]]</ref> In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - [http://thedailypos.org/misc/sonichu/Issue%207/SchuComic8Page24.jpg "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Since he's never "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation regarding why he denies being fat.

Chris' autism also means that he thinks, and sees the world, in simplistic, binary terms; he cannot easily "read between the lines" or detect sarcasm, or practically any kind of nuance or subtlety. He interprets ''[[Family Guy]]'' as being against homosexuality.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]</ref> When 2 male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.<ref>Anecdote by [[Mimms]].</ref> It is also thought that his decision to go [[tomgirl]] was at least partially due to him taking advice to "get in touch with his feminine side" literally.

===The trolls are even worse people than Chris===
Another frequently heard line of reasoning is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris, or at least equally pathetic. For example, BlueSpike's sadistic abuse of his control over Chris [[BLUESPIKE#Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Troll_War|outraged even trolls]]. The [[JULAAAY|less sophisticated]] bulk of the trolling was the work of A-Logs and weens, who are frowned upon even by trolls, and rightfully so. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who [[CWCki|obsessively document and debate everything he does]]?

===For the sake of [[Barbara]]'s sanity===
At this point in time it is safe to say that Chris's remaining parent has been just as fatigued as Chris by the actions of trolls. Some argue that Snorlax should not have to suffer for his wrongdoings, and therefore think that Chris should be left alone just so she can enjoy the last few years of her life in peace.

==Reasons against white knighting==
===Chris could have ended the trolling whenever he wanted to, but didn't===
All Chris had to do to end the trolling was to stop responding to it. If he had taken this small step, [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] would've made his ED page and that probably would've been the end of it. The first trolls had nothing personal against Chris; they just decided he was a worthy target after reading his [[Sonichu (comic)|crappy ''Sonichu'' comics]] and seeing him go into a meltdown over his ED page. If he'd quit responding to their provocations and quit posting [[12 October 2009|videos of himself throwing tantrums]] on [[YouTube]], the trolls would have eventually just moved on to someone else. Instead, Chris tried to "fight back" against them, in turn revealing more and more of his personal information, until eventually the trolls knew all of his contact info and all the details of his life.

That was when the trolling went past a point of no return, spilling into Chris' personal life so much that there would be absolutely no way for him to ever disassociate himself from it. Even when he was away from the computer, he would find himself subjected to trolls calling his cell phone, sending him mail, and following him around in public. While the obsessive trolling was nothing less than shitty, the fact still remains that Chris was the one who allowed them to have such control over his life; thanks to him always overreacting to every little provocation and handing over all his personal information to them.

There is also the theory that Chris does things for trolls to mock him merely for the attention.

===Chris lacks empathy himself===
:''See also: [[Chris and death]], [[Autism]] and [[Chris and his Ego]].''
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind": if you used to be as shy around women as he is today, in his mind the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he magically dreams up [[Dating education|his own solution]]. In recent years, many have even began to opine that Chris doesn't even ''want'' help; as can be observed in his frequent outbursts on Facebook, what he really wants is to exploit his own misfortune to get pity, attention and gifts. It is also theorized that helping him is pointless because Chris is well-known for always wanting to have his cake and eat it. Even if he woke up tomorrow morning and found that all of his dreams had come true, he'd still concoct new grievances.

:'''RocketFox:''' My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
:'''Chris:''' RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately after this, he started talking about a sexy dance. And 8 months later, he was filmed enjoying some [[Long Island Iced Tea]].

Chris's reactions to suicide are very telling. After hearing that he caused [[Ryan Cash]] to die, Chris marveled at the fact that he had incited suicide, right after he tried to publicly console [[Clyde Cash]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]</ref> When he heard that he made [[Sarah May]] attempt suicide, his reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]</ref> When Chris broke up with [[Ivy]], he somehow concocted, in his head, an assumption that she had committed suicide. Even after having lost so many dear friends to suicide, he still had no problems telling Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] to [[death threats|kill themselves]]. People who have had to deal with suicidal people, or have lost relatives or friends to suicide wouldn't exactly find this amusing.

In the [[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|22 February 2010]] edition of the [[CWCipedia]]'s "Common Questions", Chris listed the top ten worst things to have ever happened to him. The deaths of "two True and Good Women who [he] had friendships with," [[PandaHalo]] and [[Sarah Jackson]], ranked seventh. Those tragic events ranked below getting banned from a game store, finding out two people from said store were posting info about him on ED, and having his personal websites hacked.

On 1 [[November 2009]], Chris went as far as to mock '''9/11''' (more on ''that'' video can be found in the "Chris is beyond pity section").

When Rashid Ali Abdul, an Iranian [[fan]], told him that her country's religious authorities sentenced her to death by beheading for reading ''Sonichu'', Chris simply said that he was "sorry" and that the situation was "pitiful".<ref>[[Mailbag 8|Mailbag #8]]</ref>

While some of this can be attributed to Chris's [[autism]], a condition that often results in a lack of empathy, most autistics can at least learn how to express empathy through a combination of carefully reading the emotions of others and thinking about how a situation affects other people, but Chris refuses to seek serious counseling or psychiatric help for this sort of thing, and was clearly given little-to-no help with his autism as he grew up.

===Autism does not excuse a terrible person===
Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,<ref>[[Quizzes#Autism Quiz]]</ref> and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

Autism, in and of itself, does not create a failure as massive as Chris. A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and/or are able to develop social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and lead rewarding and rich lives. While Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he has never done anything more than see the [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] at his church, who is not a professional trained in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders, and whom he eventually dismissed anyway.<ref>[[Vivian's AIM chat]]</ref>

After he [[26 December 2014|maced a GameStop employee and said it made him feel "badass"]], a deeply concerned troll going by the name Renee tried to convince him to go to see a psychiatrist. In response, Chris took this as a personal insult, and wished "Renee" and her boyfriend a slow demise in a house fire. Not only does this demonstrate that Chris holds his ego in higher esteem than his mental health, but it is also quite staggering that he would wish death in a fire upon someone [[Destruction Of Chris's House|''after he narrowly escaped the same fate'']]. Moreover, it is worth noting that Chris remembered that Renee had told him in the past that she already had a boyfriend. Compare his reaction to this well-meaning request from Renee, to his compliance with more bizarre requests from, say, Jackie. This shows that regardless of who you are or what you want to say, Chris only cares to listen to you if you have a [[china]] and aren't already taken.

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions. He has a sense of morality, even if he often ignores it in favor of his own interests. He has been held accountable for his own actions in a court of law, twice (and rightfully so). His racism and chauvinism have nothing to do with his autism.

===Chris is beyond pity===
[[Image:Chrischantwoface.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's mood is all over the place, even between videos posted shortly after each other. From "[[Happy Sonichu Day|Thank you for your support]]" to "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Goddamn womanizing raping...trollin' stupid pickle-suited...'''nigger'''!]]"]]

Chris often reacts to provocation aggressively, which is quite an understandable (if not acceptable) response to trolling. However, "provocation" doesn't necessarily mean harassment or trolling. Merely disagreeing with Chris's opinions, asking him why he does what he does, or as evidenced above, trying to expose him to reality can provoke an attack, up to and including threats of violence and death. When Chris is annoyed, frustrated, or overcome by desire or lust, he's capable of doing [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|''unpleasant'']] things. Moreover, when Chris loses it, he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions at all, and his expressions of outrage are completely out of proportion to the provocation — often more outrageous in themselves than whatever the trolls did. Chris believes that since he is reacting to being "wronged" by someone else, his actions, no matter how extreme they are, are justified.

Chris has [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|insulted young children]] during card games and scared some of them away from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], who frequented the now-defunct store and knew Chris in real life years before he was discovered by ED, couldn't list any redeeming qualities he possessed.

Chris has sexually harassed [[Megan|two]] [[Catherine|women]] in real life. The former made it explicitly clear to him that his inappropriate touching and comments to her were unacceptable, but he continued anyway, convinced that eventually she would learn to love being molested by a mentally ill manchild and would become his [[sweetheart from the ground-up]]. He ''bragged'' to the latter about how he learned to keep his hands to himself after the fallout with Megan, then faceplanted her breasts.

After Megan cut ties with Chris for uploading [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a drawing of him fingerbanging her]] to his ED page, he did not apologize,<ref name="Megan Saga">[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> but rather explained to her (in a terribly [[naïve]] way) how a handjob works, under the misguided assumption that she merely was upset because she didn't recognize the sex act being performed, or in the hope that she would rationalize what he did on this basis. When this failed to placate her, he then had the nerve to say "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be."<ref name="Megan Saga"/> Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, ''[[Ego|him]]''. Based on [[List of Chris's ED edits|his ED edits]], he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] than he was with defending Megan's honor.

Years later, Chris would go so far as to totally demonize Megan for rejecting his 'good intentions', posting her address up on his [[Facebook]] profile in the hopes that trolls would find it and punish her for him. On 3 and 4 October 2013, he took this even further, posting [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|an unbelievable multi-part tirade]] about Megan on Facebook, wherein he accused her of being the leader of a vast troll conspiracy against him and claimed to have consorted with a ''[[Chris and reality|fictional]] [[Megagi La Skunk|character]]'' Megan once made for him, who supposedly told Chris that Megan [[Sandy|should never have been born]]. As if this wasn't enough insanity on its own, Chris then went on to claim he had confiscated the [[Sailor Megtune]] superpowers he had given her in the comics, and proceeded to demand that Megan fix his entire life, or else he would sic the spirits of his deceased father and dog on her.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new [[sweetheart]] right away, ''even if she died''. No matter the setback, his ego just keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he addressed a person named [[The July 10th Messages|"SonichuIzCool"]] on YouTube. SonichuIzCool is probably the ''only'' genuine fan of ''Sonichu'' discovered to date, someone who tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally disabled. In his YouTube message, Chris called her "naïve and [[slow in the mind]]." He told her she had to "come out where [he] can meet [her]." Another side of this incident is that his YouTube account had been recently hacked, and he had managed to recover it this time, thus avoiding whatever damage the trolls ''might'' have caused. Poetically, after he posted this video, he got his account suspended due to ''his own actions''. SonichuIzCool didn't step down, and responded back with a video that criticized his actions. To date, Chris has never issued a response to that, thus meaning he was dismantled by a slow-in-the-mind.

On 1 November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, Chris went so far as to create a YouTube video called [[Twin Falling Towers]], wherein he ''mocks 9/11''. When feeling angry at Clyde Cash, he not only thought it would be a good idea to blackmail him, but used the ''destruction of two skyscrapers full of people after being hit by airliners full of jet fuel and terrorists'' as a metaphor for how weak he thought Clyde was. He even used his mouse cursor as a "plane" and made childish explosion noises. When people got angry, he tried to fix things by turning the World Trade Center towers into [[Cakefarts|cake]] candles. To the best of anyone's knowledge, Chris was never coaxed or encouraged by an outside source to use the Twin Tower images. He came up with this reprehensible idea all on his own.

[[Image:MikesWedding.jpg|thumb|right|Happily forever after.]]

In January 2010, a "fan" named Mike Jackson asked Chris for advice, whether he should [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|watch pornography with his family]] and [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|buy a prostitute for his son]], Mike Junior, or not. Chris, being such an [[Dating Education|"expert"]], encouraged him to do so. When "Mike" got back to him, the news wasn't good; Mike Jr. ran away with the prostitute, and Mike Sr. begged Chris to make a [[YouTube]] video asking his son to come home. Unfortunately, Chris was under a lot of [[stress]], and could not make the video. Chris was next contacted by Mike's "wife", who told him that after discovering that Mike Jr. had married the prostitute in Las Vegas, Mike Sr. died from a sleeping pill overdose. Chris didn't even give a damn about the obituary linked by Mike's widow, offering her his infamous canned response in lieu of even pretending to give a fuck, then later responded to Mike's son's grief and anger with all of three words: [[Chris and remorse|"I am sorry."]] When called out later, he denied having ever spoken to Mike, much less read his obituary. While this was all obviously trolling, Chris's nonchalant reaction to his hypothetically ruining someone's life and tearing their family apart doesn't exactly paint him in a good light.

In the post [[Tomgirl_Saga| Tomgirl saga]] world of Chris some trolls have shown remorse over past trollings of Chris. Some cite Chris' new minority gender identity and his infamous autism as reasons to be more sympathetic to Chris. However, Chris has never shown respect for other transgendered people, but has been outright transphobic [[Doxing Jeff/Francine|by refusing to acknowledge their identity]] or [[I Am me; He is not| using slurs against them]]. This does not stop Chris demanding that people respect his new found gender identity without a hint of self-awareness. Chris has made it clear he doesn't have respect for others even if they share very similar problems or experiences like him. Even post tomgirl Chris has also gone on record in saying he would refuse to date anyone transgendered or with autism. Chris hates those who are similar to him for bringing his insecurities and imperfections to light and will lash out at them for it.

Any reason you might could find for pitying Chris is only fooling yourself. Chris has willfully chosen to become a leech on society and any of many people listed on this wiki who had taken pity on him. He goes from person to person and community to community only to take what ever he feels entitled to from them, and then throw a temper tantrum when they expel him for unacceptable behavior. To illustrate this point, many of the people Chris has hated the most were not trolls or cruel to him, but simply had gotten in the way of things he wanted regardless if it was intentional or not. For example, Wes-Li for dating a girl he liked, Adam Stackhouse for winning a contest he wanted to win, or Mary Lee Walsh for prohibiting his attraction sign on campus. This is a cycle that anyone who has followed Chris' misadventures is familiar with and it is safe to say your efforts to change or help him will be no different.

===Chris cares only for himself===
Chris spends [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on luxuries and steals from his parents to buy [[PSN|random video games]] he'll never play, and even DLC for ''games he doesn't own''. He has the basic skills necessary to hold down a job, so long as it doesn't require him to do much interacting with other people. Programs exist specifically to find appropriate jobs for the mentally challenged, but Chris hasn't even tried since being fired from [[Wendy's]]. He's never going to get a job now, of course - what with his various run-ins with the law, his growing local reputation for public tantrums and violence, his social security, and the fact that he's in his thirties, and has only been employed for a month or so in his entire life, over a decade ago - but he missed a lot of opportunities while it was still possible. Had he made the right choices, he could've been on a career path and out of his ancestral cesspool by now.

Further reinforcing his selfishness and laziness, Chris and his family strongly agree it's better for him to hole up in his room and get paid for doing absolutely nothing than to accept the challenge of finding gainful employment in the real world. This is based on the false assertion that Chris can earn more on disability than from a job. By taking advantage of the government through vastly exaggerated claims of an easily manageable illness which they refuse to help Chris treat, Chris's parents are assured a steady income in the form of his room-and-board payments, and don't have to worry about Chris getting in trouble with the law [[Chris and the Law|again]] when he has another breakdown in public.

But just in case you needed any solid proof of Chris' outright selfishness, it basically came straight from the horse's mouth during his trial. When asked if he understood that he'll be paying his court fees:

{{quote| "Yes. My mother will be taking care of that." |Chris.<ref>[[This_is_how_the_Trial_went]]</ref>}}

Keep in mind that the money being used to bail him out of a mess that he caused is coming out of an ailing old widow's purse while Chris [[Chris and Money|nonchalantly throws his own money away]], as evidenced by his PSN activity mere months later. Also, in 2013, [[Facebook#I_have_had_more_freedom_when_my_father_was_alive|he further hammers this point home]] by complaining about having to take care of Barb with Bob's passing, concerned more about his free time and Michael Snyder taking his money away.

===Chris is not a good net citizen===
{{quote|I will have NO DISCUSSIONS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK ON MY OWN WEBSITE WHATSOEVER!|Chris, on reader participation via [[Twitter]].}}
Chris is more concerned with spreading his own [[honest content]] than being a good net citizen. On the internet, his demeanor is comparable to that of a spammer: who cares about things like terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message gets through? He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. This is not mere ''passivity'' in those communities, which is generally tolerable; he ''deliberately opposes'' such participation. Most people, while not bothering to contribute to communities, would at least not make deliberate efforts to hinder them. On [[deviantART]], [[YouTube]] and [[Flipnote Hatena]], he disables all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway, yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's being used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam, excessive trolling, and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his [[Wikipedia]] user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to the site to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet. Thoughts of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the possibility that people who block him might be trying to send him a message never cross his mind.

Chris's behavior on the CWCipedia provides many more examples of his selfish attitude, such as the banner ad crisis in late 2009. He doesn't understand what it ''really'' means that the website is neither hosted nor paid for by him personally, and what sort of things the administration typically does on a website like his. He can't or won't understand simple principles like "webhost's house, webhost's rules," or "beggars can't be choosers," but instead believes that since the site has his name on it, it should be run according to his every demand.

===Chris will reject your advice===
[[Image:0231-MrsSanfordsWiseWords.jpg|thumb|right|What are you going to tell Chris that his [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|favorite teacher]] didn't tell him 20 years ago?]]
Someone [[White knight E-mails|carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist]]. In response, Chris got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculously: he denies being [[Obesity|overweight]].

If you ever get some free time, read Vivian Gee's AIM chat. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that PandaHalo was a troll. Chris fell for Panda anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense into him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In her words:

{{quote|i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try.|Vivian, thoroughly summing up how it feels to try to smack some sense into Chris.}}

Not only has she long since joined the troll ranks, but Chris even began [[Sign Destruction Video|berating and sending threats]] to the woman who was once his biggest defender ever.

===Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth===
* [[Hanna]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Lori Lopez]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* Blanca was the name of more than a few trolls, and Chris fell for it.
* PandaHalo was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite Vivian's warnings.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails]]</ref>
* [[Robert Simmons V]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[JK Productions]] was a troll pretending to be an entire video game development company, and Chris fell for it.
* Sarah May was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah Jackson]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* Julie was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* Ivy was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.
* [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Emily]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Kacey]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. She also married [[Liquid Chris]].
** [[Father Call|Kacey's dad]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Jackie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. [[February_2012|Twice.]]
* [[Catherine]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it, despite [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]'s warnings.

See a pattern here? Back in the day, Chris would've simply dismissed any attempt to open his eyes to the obvious as an attempt to "ruin his relationship/business partnership for the lulz".

As of 2012, however, it seems that Chris has done a 180 on this, where, out of [[Autism|sheer paranoia]], he believes that anybody<ref>[[:File:Fbp10.png]]</ref> and everybody<ref>[[:File:Fbp6.png]]</ref> is a troll, even when he has no sane reason to reach that conclusion<ref>[[:File:Koreans.PNG]]</ref>.

Surprisingly, even in [[2014]], it was revealed that his latest girlfriend, Catherine, was a troll construct. While [[CWCki Forums|the community observing Chris]] are [[Trolls#Today|no longer impressed]] by such [[weening]], it still shows that even after almost a decade of trolls leading him around by his [[duck]], Chris has learned absolutely nothing.

===Chris's normal life is often weirder than the trolling===
Chris won't take your advice, so he will fall for trolling. Trolls do some ''bizarre'' things and Chris believes almost everything. But even if Chris had no white knights or trolls, his life would still be out of the ordinary.

The things Chris achieves when left to his own devices are sometimes even more jaw-dropping than what the trolls think up. His previous brushes with [[Jerkops|authority figures]] and his [[Attraction Sign|creepy]] [[Fridays After Five|behavior]] during his outside leisure time are good examples.

===Chris asks for it, and always recovers===
Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's TRUE and HONEST, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was practically a squeal begging for more trolling.

[[wiktionary:TMI|TMI]] is a tactic Chris uses that backfires without fail. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute details of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and [[Recycling|lewd acts]] are all over the internet? No big deal! [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|All adults do that kind of thing]], so what's the problem?

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|21 October 2008 video]] mentioned above (and quite quickly, too) and proceeded to fail even harder for months. Likewise, despite professing great emotional distress, he bounced back from [[CWC is Sad|the loss of Kacey]] in [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|a matter of hours]]. He even bounced back after being [[Mumble 9|verbally abused by a room of trolls]], one of whom went so far as to tell him to go kill himself. Whatever the trolls say or do to Chris, he always does or says something worse to someone else, and he always bounces back anyway, so what's the problem?

[[Image:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|right|180px|True, true.]]

===Chris has made himself an outcast===
High school and college are where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's autistic. They lent him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He ''refused, by choice,'' to associate with anyone who wasn't female, young, white, in the Charlottesville area, and willing to mother him forever more.

When [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, threw a particularly bizarre tantrum in her office, and was rightly kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag with a personal vendetta against him. He was given ''several'' chances to learn that his loitering and soliciting were not appropriate behaviors in a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are Jerkops, that [[Virginia is for Virgins]], and that his [[Love Quest]] was a matter of him against the world, with the world as the antagonist. After he was kicked out of The GAMe PLACe (where he was again given far more leeway than most people ever would have been given, due to Snyder's misguided pity for him), he was barred from his last hangout in Ruckersville that was still open to him.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He has been offered friendship and care time and again, and every time without fail, he drives his friends away with his entitlement, his perverse, bizarre, bellicose behaviors, or his inappropriate sexual advances, or, failing that, he will dismiss them for trying to get him to improve himself or behave like a responsible adult. While he has began frequenting [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] in recent months, and could potentially make friends there, many Christorians believe it is merely a matter of time before history repeats itself and Chris alienates himself from the other regulars.

Complain as he might, Chris's own actions have made him an outcast, and since he refuses to accept this, much less attempt to improve himself, an outcast he shall remain. Try as they might, neither white knights nor trolls have the power to save Chris from his delusions and cognitive dissonance, only he does.

===The stresses of white-knighting===
In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to keep up-to-date on his activities. Most have to lie and pretend to be a single girl to even capture his attention. This, combined with Chris's habit of pushing away anyone who tries to connect with him, is enough to make any sane non-psychologist crash into slumber.

===Chris will not even read your message===
The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online. Any e-mails sent to his address will be left unread and deleted. Even back in the days of the [[Mailbag]], any emails submitted to it, if they even got published, would've been [[Mailbag 29|given one-word replies and ignored]].

===The trolling will not cease===
Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his [[Joshua Martinez|real life friends]]. In college, he was trolled by friends who grew sick of his bullshit, and by [[Anna McLerran|girls]] [[Hannah|annoyed]] by his "attraction methods" and rampant, unabashed sexism. If Chris quit the Internet tomorrow, he would still be trolled by a society that refuses to tolerate ignorant manchildren flouting its rules.

If everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unconsciously attract new trolls to take their place, and we all know weens are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after Barbara dies, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his monthly tugboat and perhaps his home. If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the internet. If the custodian bans Chris from the internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris ends up in prison (again) he will be trolled there as well, and that's if he's lucky.

If the entire world reforms and decides to leave Chris alone, his own sense of victimization will override any benefit. Consider that Chris felt persecuted simply by observing [[JERKS|males who had more success than himself]]. He regards legitimate assertions of authority as rank brutality. [[Adam Stackhouse]] managed to upset Chris to a degree that Christorians still find especially impressive, and he did it without even knowing that Chris existed at the time. Bleak as it is, unless Chris embarks on a program of radical self-improvement, and manages against the odds to shake off both his legions of abusers and seamy reputation, he will forever feel like a thoroughly-kicked autistic.

===The trolling helps Chris and, indeed, others===
If Chris were just some random nobody on the Internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing vidya and occasionally drawing unsellable art until Barb died. He'd remain without social skills, a job, success or future.

Instead, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that, without exaggeration, is something extraordinary, unique, and which likely won't be replicated in any shape or form for years to come. Chris has long secured his place among such luminaries as [[wikipedia:Time Cube|Gene Ray]] and [[wikipedia:John Titor|John Titor]], and unlike Gene, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris's interactions with the world through his websites and YouTube have drawn in a considerable number of people from around the world who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art of a kind that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. He brings entertainment to thousands of people all over Earth, an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving--the kind of thing that would give Dane Cook a stiffy just to consider. His internet fame is actually a sort of success in its own right, and ''may'' bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated by him that they study and document his life on a daily basis.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually coming to terms with his problems, seeking professional help, and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately well-off. The audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him with an actual social outlet to learn and grow, even if he generally opts out of doing either. Instead of being an unemployable, fat bedroom-dweller that nobody has ever heard of, he's an internet-famous unemployable, fat bedroom dweller, and this by itself increases his chances of getting friends and a girl. He may even end up employed, too, possibly appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie, or TV series. He could even [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|become the next William Hung]] if he put half an ounce of effort into it.

In fact, recently, Chris seems to have latched onto the idea of monetizing his e-fame, which he has managed somewhat successfully. It started with him being paid by a Japanese noise band (albeit a really obscure one) to produce artwork for their album cover (that didn't feature Sonichu or himself for a change) in early 2015, for which he received $50. At around the same time, he started making replica [[medallions]], taking commissions, and, a little later, making custom Sonichu Amiibos, all of which sold fairly well on [[eBay]], particularly the medallions.

In [[August 2015]], Chris did what no-one had thought he would - he resumed work on the Sonichu comics, asking for donations in exchange for releasing new pages, at a price of $10 per page. He even redrew some of the old comics to be a [[Chris and anger|little more]] [[Death threats|tasteful]], for example retconning the infamous gory executions of the Asperpedia Four in the original version of [[Sonichu 10]] to banishment to an Amish community and forced marriage. Many on Kiwi Farms applauded his resumption of work on the comics, a move they had long suggested. It was predicted that the comics would be a better earner for Chris than the relatively unsuccessful botched Amiibos; although no-one could have forseen [[Autism|one person paying Chris $1000]] - which translates into 100 pages worth of new Sonichu comics - meaning Chris gets money for toys, weed and hormones, while we get new content, and the pleasure of watching the fallout <s>if</s> when Chris fails to produce that many pages. It should of course go without saying that Chris's merchandise is bought ([[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt|almost]]) exclusively by trolls, Christorians, and the rest of his "fanbase", as the fragile, low-quality crap he churns out has no value to anyone else. All in all, Chris is finally cashing in on his e-fame, which may someday lead to him "making peace" with his tormentors, and recognizing that he has a somewhat symbiotic relationship with them. Which of course, renders white knighting essentially redundant.

Another important point to remember is that Chris's perversions, flaws and constant failure have made his life into something of a cautionary tale to other autistic people, and he has inspired [[Autism#Chris and other autistics|hundreds]] of them to self-improvement. Really, no matter how dire his circumstances come to be, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

===Chris treats "fans" and white knights like crap===
If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on Facebook and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. Quite ironic, isn't it? He screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz." He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO|his own self-loathing]].

{{quote|Whatever.|Chris' [[Mailbag_29#Whatever|1-word response]] to a fan leaving him, a social worker concerned about the [[Chris_and_health#Living_conditions|state of his house]], and a fan concerned about [[Chandler_Cats#Kitty|one of his cats]].}}
{{quote|You can go f*** yourself.|Chris' [[Mailbag_43#Go_Fuck_Yourself.2C_too.21|response]] to constructive criticism about [[Chris_and_copyright#Chris.27s_views|copyright]].}}

Chris doesn't treat his so-called "fans" much better. Even aside from the SonichuIzCool incident mentioned above, Chris has severe problems answering questions from his fans, and will often react in a hostile manner to everything he sees as negative or offensive. His Mailbag is the most obvious example. He hates being corrected, and tenaciously clings to his misinformed beliefs; his insistence that Asperger's Syndrome and autism are unrelated is a good example of this. When, or if, he's having a good day and manages to answer questions from fans at all, he often gives them very brief, one or two word answers that do not elaborate on anything, or outright ignore parts of the question. Not only is he terse, he's also slow to act; for example, it [[Brutal Legend Plus|took him three days to realize]] that a [[Brutal Legend|video he uploaded]] had no audio on it whatsoever. He also promised that [[Sonichu Fan Promo|a spectacular fan creation]] would be officially featured in the ''Sonichu'' comic, and it ultimately was, ''over a year later''.

Most webcomics have a specific schedule that they have decided to follow. Many webcomics fail to live up to them, some less, some more, some for good reasons, some have no excuse whatsoever. Chris didn't have a set schedule for the comic for the longest time, but then agreed to update the comic on a daily basis, a schedule which even the most well-funded webcomic artists would consider particularly demanding. In February and March 2010, there have been few updates to the comic. When the inevitable complaints about schedule slip started to come, Chris snapped at his fans by saying that inspiration takes its time, forgetting that it was ''he'' who decided daily updates were the way to go. As the "Great Director Chandler", he could have the power to decide what schedule to follow, but instead, he chose to attack his fans.

===Chris's upbringing doesn't justify his actions===
The shitty way [[Borb]] raised him may be an ''explanation'' for why Chris is so fucked up, but it's not an ''excuse''. Plenty of people have bad childhoods, and abusive or incompetent parents. However, these people don't use that as an excuse for whatever bad things they do. As these people get help and move on, Chris, on the other hand, remains dependent on the same people who screwed him up, and doesn't even try to move past his childhood. Instead, he escapes into a world of fantasy and pornography, and when confronted by reality, he will use all the mental gymnastics at his disposal to twist reality to resemble how he wants it to be. There's also the fact that [[Cole Smithey]] grew up in the same household with the same parents, and yet he lives a relatively normal life. Meanwhile, Chris behaves like an overgrown child, draws art on par with that of elementary schoolers, is chronically in trouble with the law for his persistent failure to regulate his own behavior in public, and generally is extremely antisocial.

===Chris's life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him===
Today, Chris is a total human trainwreck, slowly losing the last of his sanity as each day goes by. While the systematic trolling of him throughout the last few years has doubtless contributed to his degrading mental state (especially his extreme paranoia and distrust for almost everyone), the fact still remains that his life's horrible state is mainly caused by factors outside of the internet. He would still be a lonely outcast, as his poor upbringing gave him such warped views of the world and led him to engage in such bizarre behavior that he drove away every person he tried to connect with. He would still be living in unsanitary conditions due to Barb's hoarding and the fact that his house has not been properly cleaned in the better part of a decade. He would still be banned from most of his favorite hangouts due to his loitering and hostile behavior to other patrons. Also, at the core of it all is how Chris decided that he would be better off living off government handouts while he sits around playing with toys and video games instead of getting a job and heading down a career path, which would have been his one-way ticket to escaping the cesspool that is [[14 Branchland Court]] and living a fulfilling life, not unlike that of his half-brother. Instead, he decided to remain dependent on his elderly, emotionally disturbed parents; look how well that's working out for him.

True to his word, Chris all but abandoned the Internet between [[July 2012]] and [[2013]], save for sporadic ramblings on Facebook. Despite this, quite a bit was revealed about how well he was doing independent of troll influence. He [[Other_documents#Epistle_to_the_Wesley_Memorial_United_Methodist_Church|alienated himself from his church]], earning a ban from the new pastor (undoubtedly because Chris wouldn't shut the hell up about the trolls). After being banned, he even dismissed Rocky as an effective counselor (keep in mind that Rocky once bailed him out of jail, which is quite an extraordinary act of kindness, counselor or not), and went so far as to accuse [[Chris and religion|God]] of being a troll. He continues to this day to describe his life as isolated and lonely, with nobody willing to talk to him, a scenario many have tried and failed to warn him about. He even earned some ire from Anna, his biggest white knight for [[Facebook#Gay_Marriage|making anti-homosexual statements]] on his Facebook page, he even chose to argue with her instead of trying to piece together why a lesbian friend of his would find such statements offensive. As a coup de grace on all of this, Chris ended up trolling himself in the grandest fashion by revealing an [[Facebook#Imgur|Imgur account]] made of all of his previously hidden Facebook posts, despite trolls (save for the one who started it) being completely in the dark about it.

Even if all of that doesn't convince you for some reason, consider this: Chris came ''this'' close to being thrown in jail on [[28 October 2011]], and it's possible he'll end up there at last with the more recent [[26 December 2014]] incident, both of which involved the assault of innocent retail workers trying to protect their customers from him. Both times, he did this on his own initiative, with no prodding from the trolls. And make no mistake, ''everyone'' was thoroughly disgusted by Chris's actions, none were eager to defend his pepper-spray assault on an innocent employee, even those who helped support his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] before.

If we were to be extraordinarily generous and assume that none of the disasters which have befallen Chris since the trolling efforts began in earnest would otherwise have happened, the facts ''still'' indicate that Chris's life would have been a complete mess. Chris was discovered by the internet at large in late 2007, by which point he had already been suspended from college, and banned from the [[Fashion Square]] (twice), along with his local branches of [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]], only avoiding criminal charges for the ruckus he caused at the latter because the state didn't feel it was worth the effort to pursue the case. As recently as two months before the "official" start of the trolling of Chris, he was making death threats against Adam Stackhouse and his preteen sister, for the former's unwitting disruption of Chris's plan to lose his virginity with Megan, something that she had made clear she had no interest in doing. It may be a depressing conclusion to arrive at, but there's never been anything that anyone outside of the confines of 14 Branchland Court could have reasonably done to prevent Chris's life from being a trainwreck.

===Chris's white knights are making him worse===
A quick glance at the comments on his Facebook statuses should confirm this. Even after he ''committed a felony'' by assaulting a GameStop employee with pepper spray on Boxing Day 2014, then posted a long-winded, obviously dishonest tirade painting himself as an innocent victim on Facebook, none of his white knights offered anything more than a softly-worded, mild condemnation of his behavior. [[William Elliott Waterman|Some]] avoided a direct response altogether, and made some barely relevant comment that conspicuously avoided the main point of Chris's self-serving drivel, probably a feeble and misguided attempt to defuse his [[Chris and anger|rage]].

And this is how his white knights react whenever he gets angry about having to face the consequences of his own behavior. It's painfully clear to Chris's trolls and other observers that his white knights are woefully ill-equipped to deal with Chris. The reactions his tantrums garner from them clearly indicate that they remain ignorant (passively or otherwise) to facts that most learned long ago; namely, that the "soft touch" has never worked with Chris, and only serves to reinforce his [[Chris and reality|belief]] that [[Chris and his Ego|he should be given whatever he desires]] (he is even openly stating that he is ''entitled'' to a girlfriend), and allowed to do as he pleases, while [[Barbara Chandler|others]] shield him from the [[Chris and the Law|negative repercussions]].

Chris's white knights also habitually feed Chris's belief that his trolls are subhuman bullies who simply want to see him destroyed in every conceivable way because he's such a special, brave little boy. While this is [[A-Logging|true of]] [[Weening|some]], for the most part, Chris's trolls are just as interested in seeing Chris improve himself as white knights are, if not moreso, even if many are beginning to doubt such a thing is possible. Indeed, many of the female troll personas who "date" or "befriend" Chris have tried to help him see the error of his ways and reform, and continue to do so. It is partially due to the influence of Chris's white knights, who foolishly (and often futilely) try to root out these trolls, that these attempts to help Chris never result in lasting, positive change on his part.

In short, most of Chris's white knights are attention whores, sycophants or both. To these people, going on a witch-hunt for trolls is preferable to actually trying to help Chris, something which, ironically, even Chris's trolls continue to try to do.

==Examples==
:''Read: [[White knight emails]]''

===White Knights on YouTube===

Among the most notable of Chris's white knights was a [[YouTube]] counter-troll who claimed to be a 21 year-old Russian model named Svenka. Via her YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/hottiee96 hottiee96], she released an inordinate number of screencaps from troll conversations on [[Sonichu IRC]], including private conversations between Chris and Panda. She also released an image of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] who would later steal Chris's first date, [[Emily]]. Were Chris less thick-skulled and even slightly willing to accept irrefutable evidence, Svenka may have made somewhat of a negative impact on the organized trolling effort against Chris, but ultimately she was ineffectual. Svenka also had a unhealthy obsession with the [[CWCville Library]]'s original curator, Arjen Van Dierten.

On 6 [[May 2009]], YouTube user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/[http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePinchisDaBomb ThePinchisDaBomb] tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/softerthanhardware YouTube]</ref> The Pinch has also threatened [[BlueSpike]] saying he has information from his friends, forgetting the fact that BlueSpike ''has no friends''.

===White Knights on Facebook===

In recent times (since 2012), Chris has taken to using Facebook as his main means of expressing himself. Inevitably, this has not only attracted the attention of trolls, but, in 2013, a slew of White Knights as well, in particular, a [[William Elliott Waterman]], who taunted the trolls to come after him instead of Chris ('''Spoiler:''' Nobody did, because nobody actually cared what he had to say). Anna and [[Kim]] are two of the most notable ones on his friends list, both of whom try to offer constructive advice whenever Chris nosedives into a rant...when they're not busy kissing his ass, especially in the case of Anna.

However, as we've come to expect of Chris, anybody who tells him something he doesn't want to hear are people that needed to be brushed off until they stop saying those mean, awful things to him. A good case in point is his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris_Expresses_His_Outrage_for_Walmart|anger-laced tirade in September 2013, when he got thrown out of Walmart and started calling names]]. The white knights typically chimed in with their support...''until'' he revealed that he [[Chris and the law|vandalized]] an Xbox One display in the store. Several of them then told Chris that this was not right of him to do, and that the manager had every right to throw him out. His response to that?

{{quote|They do not.
And if they do, they are most in the wrong, [[Chris and reality|because they are most abusive and overzealous of their "authoritative power" that never has existed ever]].|- Chris's response to Chris Rhodes}}

===White Knights in Real Life===

Aside from the most obvious example, an old classmate of Chris from [[Manchester High School]] came online and attempted to defend Chris. Once [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|certain details]] became known, however, said classmate quickly backpedaled on this once he realized that the majority of [[CWCki|what happened]] was Chris' own fault.

===TV Tropes===
The TV Tropes [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/Sonichu article on ''Sonichu''] used to have a white knight message as the first text of the article, with a link back to this very page. It was eventually removed due to TV Tropes' website policy changing later on--in other words, said message would no longer be allowed on the website. The message is reproduced below:

{{quote|Hey Chris! If you're reading this: you seriously need to get help from licensed professionals, before the stuff you do gets you thrown in prison or forcibly committed. And we're sorry, but you have no real fans - the people you think are your fans are really either trolls or laughing at you behind your back. Every. Last. One. Please listen to us - for once.|- Concerned tropers}}

Unfortunately, the editor in question fails to realize that their message, while well intentioned, will do absolutely nothing and Chris will simply ignore it even if he does [[Mailbag 52|fully read and input it for better development. Thank you for your time.]]

==Conclusion==
As good as your intentions may be, there is no conceivable way any old e-friend can reach Chris at this point and change him for the better, certainly not by continuing to ass-pat and pamper him, which is precisely what fucked him up so badly in the first place (as this wiki evidences copiously). Your efforts will unfortunately fail, and he will just brush you aside, seeing no difference between you and the trolls, for daring to tell him anything he does not want to hear. With each new incident he causes, it is increasingly obvious that little short of [[Chris and psychology|professional intervention]], the [[Chris and religion|intercession of]] [[GodJesus]], or a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|horrifyingly close brush with death]] will change him.

Though the trolls have certainly tried to be a positive influence on Chris, even they are now largely admitting that Chris is well beyond our aid. They have spent years trying to pierce Chris's many insulating layers of self-deceit, egotism and sheer stubbornness. It is worth bearing in mind that it is these people, not the white knights, that are the closest thing he has to friends, and that some of them have been at this for nearly a decade. They ''know'' him, and if they can't make Chris change, what on earth makes you think you can?

To conclude, with Chris's paranoia, detachment from reality, outlandish behavior and bellicosity all becoming steadily more severe, and with interventions by trolls and white knights alike failing, the best we can hope for is that Chris causes [[26 December 2014|some sort of trouble]] that leads to him receiving the help he needs.

==See also==
*[[A-Logging]]
*[[Weening]]
*[[White knight E-mails]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.se/White_knight White Knighting] article at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Chris and gender

2016-09-17T14:53:26Z

Lysistrata: /* Misandry */

{{Incomplete}}
Nowadays, [[Chris]] is struggling to figure out his true '''gender'''. He is physically a [[male]] but [[Tomgirl Saga|currently]] identifies as [[Girls|female]]. However, for someone so preoccupied with gender identity, Chris displays a staggering ignorance of how either gender typically behaves, and his views of both genders are extremely warped due to him taking the stereotypes he is presented with in [[Chris and television|television]] and [[Netflix|other media]] [[Autism|at face value]]. The result is that he often manages to come off as both a misogynist and a misandrist.

== Misogyny ==
Due to Chris's ignorance, he has gathered most of his knowledge of gender through media such as [[television]] and [[music]]. Chris views females as [[Sex tape|hyper-sexual]], [[Mall|preoccupied with shopping]], [[Animal Crossing Documentary|given to conversing with others for hours]], and fixated on [[PlayingHouse|getting married and having children]]. This is highly evident in his female characters in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', most prominently in [[Rosechu (character)|his Rosechu character]], whose "personality" consists solely of the traits listed above, which is considered ironic as Chris constantly tries to show Rosechu with a passion for [[Women's rights|Women's Rights]]. Despite trying to portray them as being equal in power to their [[Sonichu (species)|male counterparts]], Chris rarely depicts [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] fighting, more often simply leaving them on the sidelines of a battle to wail like damsels in distress, even when their boyfriends are in mortal danger. Even outside battle, they tend to be little more than organic sex toys for the Sonichus.

Chris's vision of an ideal relationship is also sexist. On several occasions, Chris eagerly suggested having a MFF threesome, but was horrified when Ivy suggested a MMF threesome.<ref>[[Ivy_Q&A#Love and marriage]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Chris also deemed it acceptable for him to go to a strip club when stressed, but considered it immoral for women to do the same. When approached about his sexism, Chris [[Stress|becomes offended]]. His usual defence is that that he has never harmed a woman (despite numerous [[death threats]]). This suggests Chris believes that misogyny consists solely of physical abuse of women.

In recent years, despite claiming to revere them, Chris's attitude towards women has slowly become yet more sinister, demanding and aggressive. In the [[Catherine E-mails]] leaked in 2014, Chris got annoyed when Catherine said no to a relationship, insulted her and claimed he is '''entitled''' to the relationship. He even went on to try to guilt trip her, saying that she should "appreciate the the hard work and effort I had put into US!!!", even though shortly before that he was abusing her friends and telling her what she could and couldn't do, all behaviors eerily resemblant of those of a domestic abuser.

In early 2015, a female troll concerned by Chris's unrepentant stance on his [[26 December 2014|aggression at GameStop]] contacted Chris under the name Renee, and attempted to persuade him to seek psychological help. Instead, Chris tried to beg her to date him (even though she had already clearly stated she had a boyfriend) and taking her well-meaning request as an insult, he wished "Renee" and her boyfriend a slow demise in a [[Destruction of Chris's House|house fire]]...then tried to beg her to date him again a few days later.<ref>[[Open_Relationship_E-mails#Renee E-mails]]</ref> The ultimate message here is that Chris doesn't care who you are, what you have to say or what your intentions are. He only cares what kind of sexual organs you have, and if he has a shot at claiming them.

== Misandry ==
Chris has harbored a deep hatred for [[JERKS|men]] ever since his teenage years, because he was bullied at school and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|seeing other guys scoring]] when he was failing miserably at it pissed him off. This gradually blossomed into a general distaste for masculine traits such as body [[hair]]; indeed, in his [[nudes]] it is apparent that he is surprisingly meticulous in shaving his body hair, certainly compared to [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|other aspects of grooming]]. He also has stated, as shown in this [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video]], a disgust for "topless men" and [[Brassieres For Males|encourages men]] to wear [[muscle bra]]s so he doesn't have to see their nipples. He even made a (now somewhat outdated) short list of the men he doesn't consider "jerks", which included himself, his [[Bob Chandler|father]] and [[Santa Clause]] ''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and English|sic]]<nowiki>]</nowiki>''.

Since becoming a "tomgirl", Chris's misandry has not abated. In recent years he has variously referred to men in general as "barbarians" and "Neanderthals", which, coming from him, are rather ironic accusations for [[Death threats|a]] [[14 Branchland Court|number]] [[Chris and racism|of]] [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|reasons]].

== [[Tomgirl Saga]] ==
In April 2011, [[Tomgirl Pictures|photos]] were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] showing Chris dressed in women's clothes. Soon after Chris announced he was a "Tomgirl". Chris being a tomgirl has resulted in him wearing [[Chris and fashion#Chris's Tomgirl Fashion Sense|feminine clothes]], a brief attempt at [[Un-clit|piercing his taint]], and growing long hair. Despite this, Chris still rigidly maintains he is attracted solely to women.

There is still speculation as to why he has done this. Chris may have believed that joining the female community would aid his Love Quest, which naturally it hasn't, and indeed, any sensible person can see that identifying as a lesbian actually shrinks his pool of potential sweethearts, given that lesbians are a minority group.

However, Chris has recently made several telling statements that indicate he believes that he can use his gender confusion to his advantage. For exmaple, on various occasions, Chris has made statements to the effect of him being [[Chris and reality|"compatible with all women"]], or that he can [[HelloLadyFans|"go any way [a woman] desire[s]"]]. Statements like these make it seem likely that he believes that by identifying as a female while remaining biologically male he can appeal to women of all sexualities, although it remains unclear if this is his main reason for crossdressing, or indeed whether it was a premeditated reason for it at all, or merely an idea he came up with later. Needless to say, this too is pure folly, as lesbians are by definition not attracted to biological males, most straight women would be put off by Chris's crossdressing, not to mention that both lesbian and straight women alike would probably be put off by the sheer desperation he displays in essentially saying that he'd be willing to change genders just to get laid, and that's without even considering the squalor he lives in, his bizarre, unkempt appearance, or his many personality flaws.

Chris also may have done this in hopes that trolls would stop suggesting he likes "[[Homos|the wrong gender]]". Some just believe Chris has been [[TRUE and HONEST]] and has always felt this way, despite little evidence. Regardless of the reason, the Tomgirl Saga has continued to this day. Despite being self-described as a "lesbian in a male body", and even showing off pictures of him slapping Human Rights Campaign stickers all over his [[Son-Chu|car]], Chris still seems to be rendered very uncomfortable by gay men, although he has slowly backed down from his bigotry towards them, possibly recognizing that his disdain for them is irrational even by his standards.

However, being transgender does not stop him from prejudice against other transgenders; during his quest against Jeff/Francine, who is also trans, Chris calls her a "pretty little lady-man", a "he-she", and even "Mistress Jeff" showing that even after his transformation into a Tomgirl, Chris is still Chris.

== See also ==
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Muscle bra]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris and...]]

August 2016 Facebook posts

2016-08-16T16:20:15Z

Lysistrata: /* Ranting against Facebook */

{{Ongoing}}
This page is an archive of Chris' Facebook posts during [[August 2016]]. Posts are sorted by date and linked to the source material from Facebook. Notable comments will be archived and color-coded for reference; those who consistently respond to Chris' posts, e.g. [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt|Kenneth Englehardt]] and [[Jessica Quinn]], are colored in red and green respectively, while infrequent responders are colored in orange, yellow or purple.

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1113417012086110 Project Sonic - Debut Trailer]==
{{quotebox|1 August at 11:04pm
<nowiki>https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cW5GhbJi6EY</nowiki>
}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1116257718468706 House Cleaning]==
{{quotebox|5 August at 7:09 pm
<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

I want to announce that while I am very well aware of the incoming text messages over the past week, I have been busy sorting through and clearing out Lots of boxes from our move back into our renovated home about a year and a half ago. The room that Was my bedroom in the long ago was FULL of boxes, and now it only has two rows of columns of boxes remaining. I am going to tackle this tonight, and after completion of all this, I will address the text message requests and resume video request taking and recording by the end of this weekend. Thank you for your patience and loyalty. Donations are still requested for better help. Including my own need for a few more tubes of Oestrogel, if anyone would like to help me by sending me a tube from Offshore Pharmacy.

Have a good and safe day.
<center><gallery>
File:boxes1.jpg
File:boxes2.jpg
File:boxes3.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1116403268454151 Harm and Abuse from Cwcki and KiwiFarms]==
{{quotebox|6 August at 12:02 am
That's good, but since I am the Top Victim of the criminals here, is PayPal going to compensate me for the harm and abuse the trolls of the Cwcki and KiwiFarms have done unto me while receiving the donations under their, PayPal's, watch that funded the injustices against me?

<nowiki>http://matthewhopkinsnews.com/?p=3934</nowiki>
}}

Comments:

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 12:59 am (deleted)
Hi Null. How's it hanging?}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 1:05 am (deleted)
Hi Null.}}

{{quotebox|Chris, 6 August at 1:30 am
Null is a Dull Lull; LOL.}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 1:45 am
Null's misadventures in the Philippines: https://medium.com/@infinitechan/infinity-never-3d5f733af739#.bqraqee7v}}
Chris liked the above post.

{{quoteboxorange|Kim Wilson, 6 August at 11:54 am
Christine Weston Chandler Sorry to burst your bubble here, but the author of that piece is an unreliable narrator.

A very trustable rumor out there is that he's been writing long spiels about how he's been masturbating to you. I've read writings that he's specifically talked about "Christine Chandler's luscious D's". Be careful! You've got a potential stalker on your hands!!

He's a failed politician who aggressively stalked a young girl for years. His favorite technique is to threaten his enemies (frequently his friends too) with legal action. He's actually managed to get his accusations into official record in some level of the UK government. (Every one of his accusations involves pedophilia.)

You don't want to tangle with someone like this. His legal threats are completely toothless, of course. But he's got no life and endless time.}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 12:49 pm
His main target isn't Christine. It's Dynastia and Joshua C. Moon (who runs Kiwifarms).}}

Reply chain to above post:

{{quoteboxorange|Kim Wilson, 6 August at 12:37 pm
It's not really my place (nor yours) to impose our opinion of who his main target should be, on him.

He's his own crazy person, with his own crazy autonomy.}}

{{quoteboxorange|Kim Wilson, 6 August at 12:38 pm
People should respect crazy autonomy. If someone's going to permanently ruin their name, they should have some say in how they do it.}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 1:42 pm
I am not imposing on his autonomy in any way. I am simply stating the obvious.}}

{{quoteboxorange|Kim Wilson, 6 August at 1:46 pm
It's not really that obvious. The fellow is full of inner turmoil and he's really struggling with how he wants to express his crazy. You should let him come to his own conclusions.}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 3:04 pm
He has already cone to his own conclusions. They are right in his blog.}}

{{quoteboxorange|Kim Wilson, 6 August at 3:06 pm
Nah, he's struggling with his inner turmoil.}}
End of chain.

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 11:19 pm (deleted)
Null the lolcow news reporter: https://lolcow.news/2016/08/06/nakedape-chimps-out-over-powerword-release-a-defense-for-doxing/}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 11:31 pm (deleted)
Null the fearless lolcow news reporter: https://lolcow.news/2016/08/06/nakedape-chimps-out-over-powerword-release-a-defense-for-doxing/}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 11:34 pm (deleted)
Just what you've always wanted: An e-mail registered with animalfetishporn.us}}

{{quoteboxred|Kenneth Englehardt, 6 August at 11:35 pm (deleted)
There's no end to this rabbit hole.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1118560461571765&set=a.278642068896946.64983.100002534669114&type=3 Dragon Statue]==
{{quotebox|8 August at 4:13 pm
There's a dragon looking like Discord hanging out by Willie's Auction House in Ruckersville.
[[File:Discord statue.jpg|250px]]}}

Comment:
{{quotebox|Chris, 8 August at 4:15 pm
[[File:Discord.jpg|250px]]}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1118901324871012 Insomnia]==
{{quotebox|9 August at 5:19 am
feeling stressed.

Ugh. If I was not an insomniac with a fickle sleep schedule, I'd probably be a sleepwalker; that would be worse.}}

Comments:

{{quoteboxorange|Mary McLerran, 9 August at 9:05 pm
My doc suggested vitamin D. Helps with lots of stuff. 1000 ml per day.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1119365231491288 Dolan Life Mysteries]==
{{quotebox|9 August at 6:36 pm
This episode is lots of fun.
<nowiki>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBs5xzuGdFw&feature=share</nowiki>}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1119387661489045 Buy this $3,000 VHS tape]==
{{quotebox|9 August at 7:27 pm
The high bidder did not pay up, so I am relisting my documented Sweepstakes Winner Birthday Pikachu card for a Buy It Now price. Please, Buy It Now and help me and my family.

I am also selling my Black Diamond Classics Edition VHS of Disney's Alladin for an average Buy It Now Price.

Thank You.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/282129640258?}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1119429458151532 I Love Lucy]==
{{quotebox|8:50 pm
I can still cite the commercial.
https://www.facebook.com/DoYouRemember/videos/1245817585480304/}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1120189088075569 Incestuous Thoughts]==
{{quotebox|10 August at 6:34 pm
I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.

Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.

Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.

Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.

Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.

Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

He linked to this article:
http://www.warpedspeed.com/incest-in-new-mexico-and-the-myth-of-love-equality/?utm_content=inf_17_1166_2&tse_id=INF_315063905f1611e6b7dc69ca5c618d1d

Later, at 9:20 pm, Chris edited the post to include this at the beginning:

{{quotebox|**To Clarify, in my thoughts and feelings on the topic below, I am talking specifically about the mother and son in the shared article here, as well as for anyone else who has. I, personally have Never done anything like that with my mother, father, or Any other blood relative.**}}

Comments:
{{quoteboxorange|Kim Wilson, 10 August at 7:22 pm
Incest comes with serious mental and emotional scarring. It's not harmless.

An adult virgin can always get laid at some point. They can get therapy. There's no way to take back having engaged in incest.

Christine Weston Chandler I'm sure I don't need to say this, but: don't engage in incest. It's a mistake you'll never be able to take back.}}

{{quotebox|Chris, 10 August at 7:59 pm
I have not, and I would not.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|William Elliott Waterman, 10 August at 7:35 pm
Lots of Egyptian gods consorted with their sisters.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Jennifer Marie, 10 August at 9:28 pm
Key word here being 'gods'}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Jessica Quinn, 10 August at 8:41 pm
😨 ...}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Jennifer Marie, 10 August at 9:24 pm
What the...how the...why?!?! Chris, with everyone being a 'troll' why on earth would you offer up a piece of information like having a dream of having sex with your mother, knowing full well that they will take advantage of it?}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1120635138030964 Get off your ass, Cole!]==
{{quotebox|11 August at 9:17 am
Hey! Cole!!! Get off of your ass and apologize and make peace with us here, In Person, and Help Us Financially, Please.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1121280944633050 I don't like online socializing]==
{{quotebox|12 August at 5:30 am
And yet, I still have difficulty with online "Social Networking", and I don't like online socializing that much either.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1122059334555211&set=a.278642068896946.64983.100002534669114&type=3 Lucy (the cat)]==
{{quotebox|13 August at 4:35am
Here's Lucy on my chair's arm.

[[File:Lucy August 2016.jpg|250px]]
}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1122618647832613 Too lazy to work]==

{{quotebox|13 August at 9:34 pm
feeling tired.

Take a good look at me in my latest video on my YouTube channel. I am feeling Very Tired after a Long day from a long sleep before waking and getting up at 2:30 am this morning. Anyway, since last December with and after the Lulu.com problems, I have been feeling This and That Tired for Months. And I also have some ADD. NSo, when you ask yourself Why your order on etsy is still delayed, this is pretty much the reason.

Since last December with the Lulu.com problems (resolved), that has left me with a bad emotional and mental scar. Leaving me feeling disabled of crafting, I Realize I should have closed the shop during the time, but it had not crossed my mind, and my mother and I needed the money. And when I feel down, it does hit me tough. I Promise that I Will fulfill all of the orders remaining. Nobody has been forgotten.}}

Note: Chris lost the Etsy shop months ago, on [[Etsy#Shop Closure|8 June]]. A Kiwi Farms user named Crayolasword posted screenshots showing why Chris made the post.

<center><gallery>
File:Crayolasword-etsy 1.jpeg
File:Crayolasword-etsy 2.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==[https://www.facebook.com/LizzyTheLezzy/posts/10153758380936863 Goddess Emanuelle]==
Chris commented on a Lizzy the Lezzy post, which criticized a religious group for making [[Sonichu 10|comics about a gay cure]].

{{quotebox|13 August at 9:35 pm
Oh, for Goddess', Emanuelle's, Sake!}}

Someone replied:
{{quoteboxyellow|Who the fuck is Emanuelle}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/GreatMindsUnite/photos/a.397311100373476.1073741828.397292533708666/890027397768508/?type=3 Ranting against Facebook]==
Chris commented on a Great minds think alike post, which asked people to type their locations into the comments to demonstrate to students how a message can be shared online. Chris missed the point completely.
{{quotebox|15 August at 3:03 am
That is a DUMB Idea; what you Should be teaching your class is that Online Socializing is not only Really Bad, but it discourages Face to Face and Good Old Fashioned In-Person Meet and Greets and Actual Friendships. Teach your Class, and Everyone Else to Put Facebook DOWN, and Look Up from your screens to Actual People Right In Front Of You and Talk With Them.

I Do Not Like Online Socializing; it's Still making Everyone Autistic-Like since 200X.}}

Chris then edited the message to add his location:

{{quotebox|Ruckersville, Virginia.}}

Someone replied:
{{quoteboxyellow|[[Chris and hypocrisy|and yet you are on facebook !!!!!!]]}}

Chris responded:
{{quotebox|15 August at 3:23 am
So are you, and your response, as such, is the mark of an Internet Troll.}}

{{Facebook}}

BILLY MAYS

2016-08-10T00:42:57Z

Lysistrata:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BILLY MAYS
|-
| '''Full name'''
| William Darrell Mays
|-
| '''Birth'''
| 20 July [[Pre-1980#1950s|1958]]
|-
|'''Death'''
|28 [[June 2009]] (aged {{Age|1958|7|20|2009|6|28}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Pitchman, Mayor of CWCVille
|-
|}

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|[[Metal Gear Solid|NO VICTORY, NO DEFEAT. THE SURVIVOR WILL CARRY ON THE FIGHT. IT IS OUR DESTINY.]]|BILLY MAYS's final statement to the CWCki}}

[[Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg|thumb|Chris desecrated the memory of BILLY MAYS by portraying him with Sonichu on his shirt.]]
[[Image:Billy mays hand.png|thumb|HOLY SHIT HOW MANY FINGERS DOES HE HAVE]]
'''BILLY MAYS''' (20 July [[Pre-1980#1950s|1958]] – 28 [[June 2009]]) was a [[TV]] advertising man turned [[Internet]] [[troll]], and a true [[Miscreants|patriot]], as well as the [[true and honest]] Mayor of [[CWCVille]] from [[March 2009|3 March 2009]] until his untimely and [[Death threats|highly]] [[28 October 2011|suspicious]] death. Provided both epic [[lulz]] and wisdom in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#Sonichu]] and on [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] during his noble lifetime. He was famous for his signature ALL CAPS style.

==History==

===Mayoralty===
His first order of business was "ADULT PARTYING", and promised that everyone will go home [[Episode 18|smokey]]. He stated that "THE ROADS WILL POUR CHEAP [[Reeb|BEER]] AND CARTONS OF CIGARETTES", noting that the poor citizens of [[CWCville]] deserve a week of "DRUNKEN STUPOR". During his short reign as mayor, BILLY MAYS instituted several groundbreaking reforms and was loved by all, with a record-breaking 99% approval rating.{{cite}} Sadly, CWCville's era of prosperity was quick to end after only a few months.

===Murder===
On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS was found dead in his mansion in [[Wikipedia:Tampa, Florida|Tampa]], where he resided after suffering several assassination attempts by various hitmen, allegedly under the employ of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. The true cause of his death is unknown, but his death was suspiciously close to [[Clyde Cash]]'s apparent death on 22 [[May 2009]].

In [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris claims he didn't kill BILLY, but rather that BILLY was a victim of a fatal heart attack. In [[Rollin' and Trollin']] (17 July 2009) Chris talked about the construction of the BILLY MAYS Tower in [[CWCville]] as a memorial to his dead bodyguard.

==In ''Sonichu''==

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], BILLY MAYS fails to free [[Ivy]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_92]</ref> when she is strangled by elevator wires. The slickness of the walls keeps him from climbing up them to save her. However, the walls of text and general bad writing led to some confusion and the belief that he also died in the comic.

In Chris's [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Character_Bios Biography Page] on the [[CWCipedia]], he lists BILLY MAYS as a "[[Chris and English|non-cannon]]" character, despite his appearance in central episodes of Chris's comics.

==Post death==
[[Image:BILLYMAYSPEAKS.jpg|thumb|left|BILLY's message from beyond]]

In his [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, Chris laments the death of his "bodyguard" BILLY MAYS, and announces the near-completion of the BILLY MAYS Tower. That a skyscraper could have been constructed so quickly after BILLY MAYS's death is suspicious, and many CWCville residents believe Chris arranged the building of the Tower as a way to launder [[money]] stolen from his parents' credit cards, and that the naming of the Tower is nothing more than a publicity stunt to leech off of BILLY MAYS's [[Chris and his Ego|popularity]].

==See also==

*[[Chris-chan_Discusses...#Chris-chan_Discusses..._Billy_Mays|Chris-chan Discusses... Billy Mays]] - Chris discusses his involvement with BILLY's death with Guru Larry.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{People}}

{{CWCipedia|chris=billy_mays}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:MAYS, BILLY}}
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

BILLY MAYS

2016-08-10T00:40:05Z

Lysistrata:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BILLY MAYS
|-
| '''Full name'''
| William Darrell Mays
|-
| '''Birth'''
| 20 July [[Pre-1980#1950s|1958]]
|-
|'''Death'''
|28 [[June 2009]] (aged {{Age|1958|7|20|2009|6|28}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Pitchman, Mayor of CWCVille
|-
|}

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|[[Metal Gear Solid|NO VICTORY, NO DEFEAT. THE SURVIVOR WILL CARRY ON THE FIGHT. IT IS OUR DESTINY.]]|BILLY MAYS's final statement to the CWCki}}

[[Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg|thumb|Chris desecrated the memory of BILLY MAYS by portraying him with Sonichu on his shirt.]]
[[Image:Billy mays hand.png|thumb|HOLY SHIT HOW MANY FINGERS DOES HE HAVE]]
'''BILLY MAYS''' (20 July [[Pre-1980#1950s|1958]] – 28 [[June 2009]]) was a [[TV]] advertising man turned [[Internet]] [[troll]], and a true [[Miscreants|patriot]], as well as the [[TRUE AND HONEST]] Mayor of [[CWCVille]]. Provided both epic [[lulz]] and wisdom in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#Sonichu]] and on [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] during his noble lifetime. He was famous for his signature ALL CAPS style.

==History==

===Mayoralty===
His first order of business was "ADULT PARTYING", and promised that everyone will go home [[Episode 18|smokey]]. He stated that "THE ROADS WILL POUR CHEAP [[Reeb|BEER]] AND CARTONS OF CIGARETTES", noting that the poor citizens of [[CWCville]] deserve a week of "DRUNKEN STUPOR". During his short reign as mayor, BILLY MAYS instituted several groundbreaking reforms and was loved by all, with a record-breaking 99% approval rating.{{cite}} Sadly, CWCville's era of prosperity was quick to end after only a few months.

===Murder===
On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS was found dead in his mansion in [[Wikipedia:Tampa, Florida|Tampa]], where he resided after suffering several assassination attempts by various hitmen, allegedly under the employ of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. The true cause of his death is unknown, but his death was suspiciously close to [[Clyde Cash]]'s apparent death on 22 [[May 2009]].

In [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris claims he didn't kill BILLY, but rather that BILLY was a victim of a fatal heart attack. In [[Rollin' and Trollin']] (17 July 2009) Chris talked about the construction of the BILLY MAYS Tower in [[CWCville]] as a memorial to his dead bodyguard.

==In ''Sonichu''==

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], BILLY MAYS fails to free [[Ivy]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_92]</ref> when she is strangled by elevator wires. The slickness of the walls keeps him from climbing up them to save her. However, the walls of text and general bad writing led to some confusion and the belief that he also died in the comic.

In Chris's [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Character_Bios Biography Page] on the [[CWCipedia]], he lists BILLY MAYS as a "[[Chris and English|non-cannon]]" character, despite his appearance in central episodes of Chris's comics.

==Post death==
[[Image:BILLYMAYSPEAKS.jpg|thumb|left|BILLY's message from beyond]]

In his [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, Chris laments the death of his "bodyguard" BILLY MAYS, and announces the near-completion of the BILLY MAYS Tower. That a skyscraper could have been constructed so quickly after BILLY MAYS's death is suspicious, and many CWCville residents believe Chris arranged the building of the Tower as a way to launder [[money]] stolen from his parents' credit cards, and that the naming of the Tower is nothing more than a publicity stunt to leech off of BILLY MAYS's [[Chris and his Ego|popularity]].

==See also==

*[[Chris-chan_Discusses...#Chris-chan_Discusses..._Billy_Mays|Chris-chan Discusses... Billy Mays]] - Chris discusses his involvement with BILLY's death with Guru Larry.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{People}}

{{CWCipedia|chris=billy_mays}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:MAYS, BILLY}}
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Ruckersville, VA

2016-08-05T20:55:25Z

Lysistrata:

{{Quote|Ruckersville is a Very Boring, One-Horse Town. Hardly any [[Sweethearts|young adults]] hang around here, and there is not much to do. Having a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] does not make it any better either. It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it does not make it any [[Chris and English|better or nicer]].|Ruckersville's most famous citizen.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the capital of all things [[Sonichu]]-related. Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the [[Richmond]] suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return in [[2000]].
{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
| colspan="2"| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|250px]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| [http://maps.google.ie/maps?ix=tea&oei=4gFBT8SvPM-EhQfd-s3KBQ&q=38%C2%B013%E2%80%B259%E2%80%B3+N,+78%C2%B022%E2%80%B209%E2%80%B3+W&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x89b4720e575f8437:0x67ceca4bec34b85b,%2B38%C2%B0+13'+59.33%22,+-78%C2%B0+22'+8.96%22&gl=ie&ei=4wFBT9m_CsS3hQeRlJXTBQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB8Q8gEwA 38°13′59″ N, 78°22′09″ W]
|-
| Classification:
| Census-designated place
|-
| Established:
| [[Pre-1980|1732]]
|-
| Population:
| 1,141 ([[2011]])
|-
| ZIP code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|}

== The Brochure ==
Ruckersville, [[Virginia]] is a small census-designated place on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, woodland and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to [[Chandlers|raise a family]] or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|According to [[Chris and the Internet|the internet]], there is literally nothing worthy of note in Ruckersville.]]

It's a redneck shithole full of cheap, ugly houses and even uglier lawn furniture. A place where [[Barbara Chandler|people]] hoard their trash and decorate their yards with [[Son-Chu|junked cars]], and where the human disasters we know as the [[Chandler Family Tree|Chandlers]] can exist relatively unnoticed. Given its tiny population, Ruckersville has very little in the way of [[14 Branchland Court|recognizable landmarks]] or entertainment. The only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver [[Tobacky|Phillip Morris]]. The lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris perfectly, as it gives him one more excuse to never leave [[Chris's room|his room]], let alone get a [[job]].

Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various [[Greene County Conspiracy|videos]], but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where he thinks he could squander the remainder of his life in a time-capsule of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] days.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is incredibly plain; composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is boring, although the [[A Hike|Blue Ridge Mountains]] are a short drive away.

The township is also far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from [[Barack Obama|Washington, D.C.]], 16 miles (26 km) from [[Charlottesville]] and 77 miles (123 km) from [[Richmond]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unsurprisingly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. That said, nearby Charlottesville has contributed to this low crime rate, as Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], and likely so are any other criminals living here.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What's culture?]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that, until very recently, a ''Google Street View'' of Ruckersville was unavailable. The housing development that contains Chris's home is still unavailable. It's likely that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access that the Google camera trucks either missed it, ignored it, or simply [[Stress|did not care]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red icon.
Image:14 branchland court gmaps.png|A closeup view of where the magic happens.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. ''Wow''!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|And no cookie cutter suburb is complete without replaceable block-letter church signs! (No relation to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]).
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a moronic man-child.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[DayOut]]
*[[Ruckersville Fire Department]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ruckersville,_Virginia|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.virginia.org/Cities/Ruckersville/ Tourism info]
*[https://www.google.ca/maps/place/Ruckersville,+VA+22968,+USA/@38.1983145,-78.5129084,11z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89b4721b1fc3b627:0x4eee8a3bf4546cf9/ Google Street Map View]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Chris and fashion

2016-08-05T20:42:23Z

Lysistrata: /* Late Tomgirl Fashion */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts, most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, making him look even [[Obesity|fatter]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

== The Fashion Sense of Chris (Pre-Tomgirl)==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His favorite shirt, a [[Chris and brand loyalty|St. John's Bay®]] Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house.<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of just to look gayer.<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he has. [[Fridays After Five|And in public.]] At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me." Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five--a public, family-oriented concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!" The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more--a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Chris's Tomgirl Fashion Sense==
===Early Tomgirl Fashion===
[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]

{{main|Tomgirl Pictures}}

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring)
* Women's sandals
* Blue eyeliner
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]]</ref> (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge [[F Abstinence|virginity]] until marriage)<ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of glasses

While Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|left|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

===Late Tomgirl Fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris's tomgirl antics have continued into [[2015]], but with some refinements of his style in the past couple years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses."<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Omission of glasses, possibly due to contact lenses
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".
{{clear}}

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26 December 2014|2]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Barbara Chandler

2016-07-13T22:42:18Z

Lysistrata: /* Mental */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She threatens to kill me in her episode [sic] of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from Randolph-Henry High School in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the Future Homemakers of America, a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook The Log, and a member of the Spanish Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to her figure.

===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting Cole tries to use big words to impress people - [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, an Internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child. <ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckserville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather stayed in in their old home. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
</gallery>
</center>

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>[[Cutco]]</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

It appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb too much. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris since then. <ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara has occasionally spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances and shit!!!" Consensus was that the so called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

More recently, Chris has been talking less and less about his surviving parent, so information about how she's doing is scarce. However, what little information we do have suggests that she isn't doing so well. In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. On the occasion that she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass (probably due to her sedentary lifestyle). In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not appear to be very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]], and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "Her time runs out", even though the latter two aren't Barb's children.

In June 2016, Barb appeared in [[Donations Requested, Please.|two]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help‎|videos]] as Chris asks for donations to buy asthma medication for her; here, Barb appears with wrinkled skin and scant hair, and apparently cannot speak, further indicating her alarming physical decline.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might commit suicide, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/> To this day, it remains unclear whether she was actually suicidal, or idly threatening suicide for her own gain.

Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be a narcissist, on account of her seemingly baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances when any sane person could see that only they were in the wrong. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating but complex topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also noted by Christorians for her hoarding. Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>, and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the state it has left [[14 Branchland Court|their house]] in, although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms literally inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[January 2014|January 10 2014]], when in the wee hours of the morning, Chris [[Destruction Of Chris's House|started a house fire]] while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Equally unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the fire-fighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless.

On [[July 2016|July 13 2016]], Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being Barb, was putting on an act for money.

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

Five years later, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying debts. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]] [[2016]] when sharp eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. As she must have been outright ignoring her debt for some time for the bank to take her to court over it, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay almost $5000.

==Appearances==
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]
[[File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Barb in a drawing released in [[November 2015]].]]
===In ''Sonichu''===
In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in five videos to date as of [[February 2015]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015. [[Donations Requested, Please.|Two more]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage. Buy yours today on [[Etsy]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Barbara Chandler

2016-07-13T22:41:05Z

Lysistrata:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She threatens to kill me in her episode [sic] of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from Randolph-Henry High School in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the Future Homemakers of America, a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook The Log, and a member of the Spanish Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to her figure.

===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting Cole tries to use big words to impress people - [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, an Internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child. <ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckserville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather stayed in in their old home. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
</gallery>
</center>

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>[[Cutco]]</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

It appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb too much. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris since then. <ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara has occasionally spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances and shit!!!" Consensus was that the so called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

More recently, Chris has been talking less and less about his surviving parent, so information about how she's doing is scarce. However, what little information we do have suggests that she isn't doing so well. In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. On the occasion that she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass (probably due to her sedentary lifestyle). In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not appear to be very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]], and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "Her time runs out", even though the latter two aren't Barb's children.

In June 2016, Barb appeared in [[Donations Requested, Please.|two]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help‎|videos]] as Chris asks for donations to buy asthma medication for her; here, Barb appears with wrinkled skin and scant hair, and apparently cannot speak, further indicating her alarming physical decline.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might commit suicide, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/> To this day, it is still debated whether she was actually suicidal, or idly threatening suicide for her own gain.

Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be a narcissist, on account of her seemingly baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances when any sane person could see that only they were in the wrong. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating but complex topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also noted by Christorians for her hoarding. Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>, and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the state it has left [[14 Branchland Court|their house]] in, although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms literally inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[January 2014|January 10 2014]], when in the wee hours of the morning, Chris [[Destruction Of Chris's House|started a house fire]] while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Equally unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the fire-fighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless.

On [[July 2016|July 13 2016]], Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being Barb, was putting on an act for money.

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

Five years later, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying debts. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]] [[2016]] when sharp eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. As she must have been outright ignoring her debt for some time for the bank to take her to court over it, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay almost $5000.

==Appearances==
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]
[[File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Barb in a drawing released in [[November 2015]].]]
===In ''Sonichu''===
In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in five videos to date as of [[February 2015]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015. [[Donations Requested, Please.|Two more]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage. Buy yours today on [[Etsy]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

October 2013 Facebook Posts

2016-07-13T18:56:17Z

Lysistrata: /* Reality Comes Knocking */

[[File:Oct 13 profile pic.png|thumb|500px|center|Chris's new Facebook profile photo, a Lego self-portrait, uploaded 13 October 2013.]]

The following covers Chris's [[Facebook]] activity in [[October 2013]].
[[File:Oct 13 cover photo.png|thumb|right|500px|Chris's new cover photo, a Lego version of that evil bitch Megan.]]
==Summary==
* 2 October - Chris makes a series of [[random-access humor]] posts.
* 3 October - Chris posts an angry rant directed at [[Megan]].
* 4 October - Chris continues to express his rage about Megan.
* 5 October - Chris responds to an email purportedly from Megan, and beats her up in a [[LEGO|Lego]] showdown.
* 7 October - Chris is raising money for a children's hospital.
* 8 October - Chris has potentially found a new place to play [[Pokémon]].
* 11 October - Chris announces that someone is using his name maliciously.
* 13 October - Chris has reached his fundraising goal.
* 14 October - Chris is having jaw problems and begs for a woman to save him from his miserable life.
* 15 October - Chris reviews a [[McDonald's]] product.
* 17-18 October - Chris claims to have received gifts from [[trolls|fans]].
* 28 October - Chris demands that the trolls stop snooping into his private Facebook posts.
* 30 October - Chris is shocked to discover that his [[high school]] [[gal-pals]] only pretended to be his friends out of pity.
* 31 October - Chris is still crushed by this news and requests apologies from those who have wronged him.

==Status Updates==
===Wacky random-access humor!===
On 2 October 2013 Chris made a series of [[random-access humor]] posts. According to Facebook, these were all posted near one of the locations called [[wikipedia:Clover Hill, Virginia|Clover Hill, Virginia]], but it is not clear which one exactly:

{{quotebox|Basement Rats and Free Hats! We don't have either one. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Muck stuck icky bickie boo boo boom.<nowiki>~~~~~~~~~~</nowiki> - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Carrots are good for your eyes; can it dial a phone?" - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|I once knew a man from Nantucket, who had on his head a stupid bucket. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|There once was a nose from Pocanose, but then it ran away to Snotsville. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Oh, look. There's a hippo on my head. I'm flat as a paper. Don't just stand there; write a letter on me. "Dear sir, Hello. Buck Williams. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"I'm upside-down in a car, driving my way to the grocery store" "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot" "Stop saying "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot;" that's my bit, get your own." "Okay, how about Spling-pling-bling-bing-slee-de-lee-dee." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Slimerr." "Whaat?" "I'm gonna bust your ass." "Nooooooooooo!" "Ha-Ha." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|When your mind is a blank, the repeated stupidities really drive you insane, and it is boring! - feeling dumb}}

===Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born===
{{quotebox|3 October 2013
<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Megan Schroeder]]!<nowiki>**</nowiki>

You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, [[Trolls]], [[The GAMe PLACe|PLace]] People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with [[Megagi La Skunk]]; [[Chris and reality|she feels deep distrust in you]]. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your [[Sailor Megtune]] powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! [[Sailor Moon|Usagi and the Sailor Scouts]] would have been most ashamed of you.

You need to pay me what you owe for [[Chris and hypocrisy|Destroying Me, My Heart, My Soul, and My Life]] with your ungratefulness to [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|my past loyalty and devotion]]. You played me for a fool for Years, making me spend and spend on you with borrowed [[Chris and money|money]]! You continuously had [[Mimms]] an everyone else online humiliate me! I can not ever find employment now, because my background check has been made null and void with Your Damn Internet Troll Army! You would not even accept the Copies of the Uncut SM series I had burned for you! You conned me into giving you my Original DVDs. It is as if I was swindled into bargain basement, counterfeit imported crap. I poured my heart for you, and you break the glass pitcher the essence was stored in.

You need to pay me what you greatly owe me for Destroying Me! And I not or you and your army, stressing us out, [[Bob|my father]] would still be alive today! Face Me In Person and settle our Long Heated Rivalry and Domestic Hatred, NOW!!! :( -feeling angry.}}

Chris immediately posted two more comments:

{{quotebox|And by the way, [[Chris and religion|I pray]] you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch]] and the [[Michael Snyder|Bastard]]! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!}}
{{quotebox|NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!}}

===Apologize or else===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the [[CWCki|Cwcki]], its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking [[Internet]] is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female [[Sweetheart]] for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.}}

===GAMe PLACe revelations===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs on to me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "[[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; His Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my [[homosexual]] fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!"

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to [[curse]] and haunt you with my father at my side.}}

Immediately afterwards Chris posted:

{{quotebox|NOBODY COMMENT OR EMAIL ME! I want HER to contact me In Person and Face to Face!}}

===The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand===
After his previous post, Chris was emailed by a person purporting to be Megan, and responded:

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand. If she was so innocent of causing my grief online the past six years, she would have not told me the name of the nearby friendly neighborhood webmaster of a Troll that could "take some stuff down" from the internet.}}

{{quoteboxred|From: Megan Schroeder

To: Christian Weston Chandler

Re: "Outstanding Community Member" my ass and foot.

October 5, 2013 at 8:58 PM

I DIDN'T CONSPIRE TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE! You did that enough on your own! With your ridiculous webcomic and your "war" against ED. As for the touching thing, I don't like being touched by men who aren't in a relationship with me. And all those things you did for me? I thought you did that because we were friends, and I was gratefull! Do you know how much of your crap I put up with? The touching, the rants, the being creepy...all that! And I didn't fake romance, that was real. Christopher wasn't gay and how did that send you into mental shock? Did you believe I was yours or something? You were already an internet phenomenon loooong before I ever came into the picture. I never set up that ED page, it wasn't me who told Mimms and Lucas to do stuff, I didn't get you banned from the store, and I sure as Hell am not responsible for the death of your father! Do you know how bad that picture made me feel? It scared the Hell out of me! You are the one who should apologize! Didn't you consider me a "sweetheart"? Well, for all your other "sweethearts", you made those stupid videos. So if I still mean so damn much to you, why don't you make a video apologizing to me and maybe, just maybe, I'll consider e-mailing Lucas and telling him to take some stuff down.}}

===Lego Soul Calibur Showdown===
Chris posted 28 photos which presumably tell a narrative of an epic showdown. He then changed his profile picture and cover photo to fit the theme.

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
Me versus Megan Schroeder; [[Soul Calibur]] style with Tag Team.

<center><gallery>
File:Meganfight 1.jpg
File:Meganfight 2.jpg
File:Meganfight 3.jpg
File:Meganfight 4.jpg
File:Meganfight 5.jpg
File:Meganfight 6.jpg
File:Meganfight 7.jpg
File:Meganfight 8.jpg
File:Meganfight 9.jpg
File:Meganfight 10.jpg
File:Meganfight 11.jpg
File:Meganfight 12.jpg
File:Meganfight 13.jpg
File:Meganfight 14.jpg
File:Meganfight 15.jpg
File:Meganfight 16.jpg
File:Meganfight 17.jpg
File:Meganfight 18.jpg
File:Meganfight 19.jpg
File:Meganfight 20.jpg
File:Meganfight 21.jpg
File:Meganfight 22.jpg
File:Meganfight 23.jpg
File:Meganfight 24.jpg
File:Meganfight 25.jpg
File:Meganfight 26.jpg
File:Meganfight 27.jpg
File:Meganfight 28.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

===Children's hospitals videos===
{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/8vYDB8fojP PlayStation and Extra Life Team Up For Children's Hospitals}}

and:

{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I'm supporting @CMNHospitals through @ExtraLife4Kids! http://t.co/QwohGHw5dT via @DonorDrive}}

===Chris is fundraising===
{{quotebox|7 October 2013
I just raised 37 dollars towards the 200 goal; please, Give me the reason to play on for 25 Hours on November 2nd.}}

===Pony music===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I Am Octavia <nowiki>[Titanium Parody] ~ EileMonty [Feat; Nowacking & WildCards]</nowiki> - listening to Eilemonty.}}

===New Pokémon place===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I may have found a new place, or otherwise an old League that has Moved, to go to for [[pokemon|Pok'emon]] TCG League Friday Nights. Located at [[UVA]]. Tell No One I am considering this. Comments are welcome.}}
{{quotebox|http://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] remarked:

{{quoteboxred|I'd love to join these if they were about the nintendo handheld games instead of the card games.}}

Another friend added:

{{quoteboxgreen|Oh man, so jealous! I wish they had one around here. Do you think they play regulation? Looks like some leadership opportunity, too. :)}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|they play both the cards and the (3)DS}}

===Chris is not in the Phillippines===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

Someone is pretending to be me in Spoofing and has been spamming the message screen capped below to a lot of people; likely those in my contact list on my AOL account.

Mainly, I have not ever been to the Phillipines; I am still in [[Ruckersville]], VA; financial issues for real right here and now are irrelevant, and I am not in any trouble with any police or "embassy". Whoever is pretending to be me in this spoof attempt needs to stop or be stopped.

And in any case, please disregard the message if you have received it. — :( feeling pissed off.}}

===Fundraising update===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013
We got 142/200 dollars in the pot for UVA Children's Hospital; Please, at least 58 more towards my twenty-five hour gaming marathon portion. And more beyond that would still be much appreciated for the children.

http://t.co/f7kVChupfo}}

===Fundraising goal reached===
{{quotebox|13 October 2013
We've reached over the 200 Dollar Mark by 8; Thank you everyone who donated. More donations will be accepted and appreciated by UVA Medical Center. I will start my 25 Hour Gameathon at Midnight EST, November 2, 2013, with the rest of the gamers!}}

===More charity "work"===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
I just supported Play games. Heal kids. Nov. 2 on @ThunderclapIt // @ExtraLife4Kids http://t.co/vJPvhVKox0}}

===Jaw problems and a plea for rescue===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
Two Things: 1) [[Chris and health|My jaw started squeaking]] an airy jig when I chew food. Internet search finds me with a TSJ disorder. [[Barb|My mother]] stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances here and shit!!! It is no wonder I ended up with jaw clenching towards TSJD.

Second) I am considering online meeting women. And right now, I need a Hero of a Woman to get me out of this mental hell hole of a fate I am forced to live at home. Blessing count: roof over my head, compassionate, sweet [[Clover and Snoopy|beagle dogs]], hobby pursuit, whatnot. My mother and the trolls and [[God]] are all giving me grief and [[stress]]. My mother is a good person, but when she goes on and on and on about the bad news, rearranges things, yelling at me, talking down to me, I feel bothered.

Some Woman! Please Help Me! - :( feeling stressed.}}

[[Kim]] asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Have you gone to a doctor?}}

Chris responded:

{{quotebox|I will be seeing my physician later today about my TSJ problem.}}

===BOLDY SPICY!===
{{quotebox|15 October 2013
I just had a 5 piece Mighty Wing at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]], with honey mustard; I had a sauce-free bite first. At the Forest Lakes location at least, there is a reason for offering a large drink free with 5 piece purchase. BOLDY SPICY!! They would do just as well offering a milk jug or two with purchase. They should make t-shirts: "I Survived the McD Mighty Wings!"}}
{{quotebox|Also, I just had my [[obesity|weight]] checked; lost seven pounds; now at 211.}}

===A "Present"===
{{quotebox|17 October 2013
[[File:Delorean.png|thumb|left]]
Hey, look at the latest in Troll/"Fan" Presents: a Lego DeLorean. It was fun to build it. Thank you. - :D feeling amused.}}

But Kim was suspicious:

{{quoteboxgreen|Huh, I think I might be misunderstanding you. So, a troll gave you the idea for this and you bought the kit and made it?

Where did you buy it? Did you get a good deal on it?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|No, a troll purchased and sent me the kit as a gift from Amazon.}}

Kim was not convinced:

{{quoteboxgreen|Aww c'mon, don't bullshit me. No they didn't. Where'd you get it?}}

Chris didn't answer.

===Another "Present"===
{{quotebox|18 October 2013
[[File:Great pumpkin.png|thumb|right]]
Someone else sent me a present; a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Amazon must be their favorite place to shop online.}}

Kim again called him out:

{{quoteboxgreen|But no one sent you this as a present either. I don't get what this post is about. Could you explain it?}}

Chris remained silent.

===Respect my privacy===
After the September 2013 Facebook leak on the [[CWCki Forums]], Chris posted the following:

{{quotebox|28 October 2013
Announcement: Attention Everyone: Whoever has been capping and discussing my private posts, Please Stop It. I have no intention towards anything online, and my private thoughts I share Only with my Real Friends in my List Only should remain Private as such. And I have not been whining about anyone, so please stop bothering people and telling them that I had. I will never be a member of anything about and/or against me online Ever, so any "kind offers" will be automatically rejected and ignored.

In other words, Leave Me Alone and Quit Talking About Me At All, you pinheaded Trolls!!!}}

===Reality Comes Knocking===
Chris has received messages from people purporting to be his high school gal-pals. According to the trolls behind this, the text in the red box was quoted from an actual email from one of the gal-pals.

{{quotebox|30 October 2013

I had long thought I was liked genuinely as a person in [[Manchester High School]] by my closest [[gal pals]] and everyone else. Now I am shocked to hear that everyone was my friend, because they felt sorry for me.

Let me share a couple of recent emails from one of my friends. I am not doing this to be mean, cruel or bad, but it really hurts me emotionally.}}

{{quoteboxred|A lot of us were surprised, even shocked to see how much Christian had changed from the way we remembered him in high school. He was just this awkward, slightly-odd, shy kid back then. A lot of the [[Slow-in-the-minds|Special Ed kids]] got picked on but, [[Chris and his Ego|for some reason]], Christian seemed to get it much worse than the others. _____ and _____ I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a [[Naive|lost little boy]]. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now, but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to [[My big 18th party|his 18th birthday party]].

_____ and _____ weren't so much friends of Christian's, as they were his protectors. Some kids used to mess with him and steal his stuff. These kids were constantly teasing Christian and picking on him, doing whatever they could to get some kind of reaction out of him. Mostly Christian just cried or ran away. I don't think I can remember a time where he tried to stand up to the bullies. He seemed to prefer to have other people do that for him.

No, I don't really follow Christian's activity on [[Facebook]]. I'm actually not on his friends list, for reasons I'd rather not discuss with someone I don't really know that well (no offense). I know a lot of the people that are on his friends list, and they mostly ignore him. He's basically background noise. The only time they really notice his posts is when he tags them. Some of the stuff he posts is kind of bizarre and disturbing, which is the main reason why I decided I didn't want to have any contact with him.

I'm also really creeped out that he's still obsessed with _____ and he's actively looking for her. She is well aware of this and she's taken steps to make sure that she's VERY hard, if not impossible, to find. Yes, I've been in touch with her, but I don't feel that I have her permission to pass along her contact information. I'll pass along your email address though, if that's OK. That way, she can contact you if she wants to.

A lot of people became friends with Christian because of the reunion and also, because a lot of them still felt sorry for him. Some people are having second thoughts though, after seeing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|that awful picture]] he drew of [[Megan Schroeder|his friend]]. A lot of people stopped feeling sorry for him and started ignoring him after they saw that. I was shocked that he could draw something so gross and depraved. The "thumbs up" sign really pissed me off for some reason. The whole thing was very sexist, disrespectful, and, above all - damn creepy.

I have my suspicions about who may have leaked Christian's Facebook posts, but I'd rather not say, because I don't want to be involved in this. Christian accused this person of "leaking" the full list of classmates from our graduating class. Christian contacted some of his MHS friends and tried to make trouble. He told them to give this guy a hard time for what he did. His friends weren't amused. Anyway, I don't think Christian has anything to worry about. He's not friends with this guy anymore.}}

{{Quotebox|Once again, Not to be mean, cruel or bad:

I did not mean to sound cruel; I had thought you all were my friends for the sake of friendship, not for pity.

Really? REALLY?! You all thought of me as weak from first and outside impressions? For your information, I was not picked on as much as I am interpreting your exaggeration. If I was picked on as much as stated, I would have had wedgies, I would have been pestered in the Locker Room, I would have been shoved into a locker, etc., and NONE of those things have ever happened to me at all. I never expected any "protection" from anyone, and I looked up to you all as my Friends, Never like mothers. Oh, my god. I had no preference to anyone doing anything for me; I did a Lot of things for myself, including my homework. I was consistently on [[honor roll|Honor Roll]]. Forgive me if my posts were not being considered "Normal" to you, but my life is what it is, and [[Honest Content|I am usually honest about details.]] NOBODY is happy or mentally sound 24/7/365. EVERYONE in this world has their own Mental Problems, No Matter What or Who. And frankly, I feel pissed off that you would judge me still for that ONE drawing that I had already elaborated on to make sure it had not been taken out of context. And [[Mimms]] is not to be trusted. If he really wanted to help me, he would have never EVER taken my photograph in [[2007]] and make mockery of me!

For everyone's information, I wanted to locate [[Tiffany Gowen]], because I wanted and needed my closest friend to talk to and find closure; I am Lonely and Sad! I went well out of my way to gather towards bringing everyone together for the reunion; I put a lot of the pure goodness I had felt in my my heart and soul into that work. Now I find out everyone was nice to me not for the sake of friendship or that they liked me, but because of sorry feelings!

I was mainstreamed throughout my education; [[Chris and reality|it had worked out well for me.]] I could be a lot worse off. I am not certain pity friendships are for the better for anyone, but real [[My_Little_Pony|friendships really are magic]] and healing, or at least they're supposed to be.

Well, now I know where I stand — :`( feeling very sad.}}

Chris later added:

{{quotebox|This makes me so sad, I actually considered suicide. The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that [[Chris and religion|premature death leaves one in Limbo]]. I am really hurt, and I feel emotionally paralyzed and numb. It all hurts.}}

===Chris is an emotional zombie===
[[File:Chriszombie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|New profile pic for 31 October--Chris is an emotional zombie.]]
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Well, I am emotionally dead again. Now I wander with more blankness and lack of purpose.

I'm coming after your soul as an emotional zombie. Boo. - :`( feeling sad.}}

Chris rehashed this theme with a new [[Halloween]]-themed profile pic.

===Chris Will Only Accept Your Apologies In Person===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
If anyone wants to sincerely apologize to me or actually offer anything even remotely positive to me, come to my house at [[14 Branchland Court]] in Ruckersville, Virginia; I don't take emails, phone calls or whatnot; those can be faked.}}

===PLEASE UNDO IT!===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Look, Whoever reported me just now, PLEASE UNDO IT! I was typing a message to [[Gal pal#Molly Quarles|Molly Marie Quarles]] asking her if the recent email applied to her as well.}}

==Posts by Chris's Friends==
On 4 October 2013 [[William Elliott Waterman]] changed his profile picture:

{{quotebox|4 October 2013

[[File:William Elliott Waterman.jpg|thumb]]}}

Chris was not happy with what he saw:

{{quotebox|7 October 2013

not funny; why are you [[Chris and his ego|trying to look like me?]]}}

To which Waterman responded:

{{quoteboxred|7 October 2013

What do you mean? This is just the way I look, Chris}}

==eBay Selling Feed==
{{incomplete}}

{{Facebook}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

List of unheroic protagonist actions

2016-07-12T13:18:27Z

Lysistrata:

{{Incomplete}}

A recurring tragicomic element of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] is how Chris [[Chris and writing|''tries'' to characterize]] the protagonists of his comic as [[Rollin' and Trollin'|badass]], [[Honor roll|insightful]], and [[Holding out for a hero|heroic]] yet instead unfailingly depicts his heroes as [[media:SchuComic9P37.jpg|immature]], [[media:SchuComic3Page04.jpg|maladroit]], and at times nigh on [[media:SchuComic10P35.jpg|morally bankrupt]]. Over time, the characters have engaged in enough unintentional buffoonery and villainy to easily fill an entire '''list of unheroic protagonist actions'''. While any protagonist [[Collosal Chan|worth reading about]] will have some flaws, from [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]'s temper to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s hyperactivity, the number of vices the Sonichu characters possess are too numerable to shrug them off as portrayals of [[Liquid Chris|flawed but ultimately heroic]] characters, but rather show them as [[Ian Brandon Anderson|obliviously yet undeniably evil]].

==Recurring Shenanigans==
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|This is neither [[Jerkhief|the first]] nor the [[Mary Lee Walsh|last time]] Chris further abuses [[Sonichu Special 4|a defeated opponent.]]]]
* The [[Pokémon]] in this series often are at least as intelligent as human beings, yet various humans tote and order them around as personal servants. This was a problem with the original series as well, but Chris doesn't even attempt to address this issue in his comic. This creates stupidity like the comic finding nothing wrong with Trainer [[Kel]] pimping out her Dragonite to slake Rosechu's lust while simultaneously finding it unremarkable that [[Kevin_the_Jew|human children can date Pokémon]].
* The protagonists are completely submissive to their raging libidos. The characters are extremely quick to hop in the sack with whoever strikes their fancy, often having known their partners for mere days or even ''hours'' beforehand. Aside from showing a lack of self-control, this propensity for romantic and sexual release has directly led the protagonists into danger. The protagonists also tend to become uncontrollably aroused at the drop of a hat, even in the middle of an invasion of their precious city or confronting their adversaries. Needless to say, it's all very telling of the author's own [[Chris and sex|unhinged views on sex and relationships]].
* The characters are overly vindictive when they have any sort of advantage over their foes. [[Manajerks#Merried_Seinor_Comic.2FKirby|Mutilation]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell|violent sexual domination]], and of course [[4-cent_garbage.com|mass]] [[Sonichu 9|murder]] are always on the table no matter how mildly they were originally antagonised. This is in marked contrast to the basic morality of any [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|non-ironic]] [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hero]], where instigating or escalating a fight or seeking any revenge past what's necessary to stop a villain from committing crimes is a huge no-no.
* The heroes show absolutely no aptitude for any fighting strategy that's not 'run up to the bad guy and use superpowers until they stop'. They're unable to anticipate [[Silvana|special techniques]] or [[Dark Mirror Hole|strategies]] from their foes, have trouble doing basic coordination of attacks (unless it's to gang up on Black Sonichu), and can't perform any combat feats not constrained in the paradigm of plot-device items or the narrow application of Pokemon moves.
* [[CWCVille]]'s "government" is a nightmarish monstrosity of human rights violations and poor resource allocation that, unsurprisingly, fails to provide basic safety for its citizens. By far the most popular stock parody of Chris's work is to depict the city as a Kafkaesque dystopia that only exists to fulfill the puerile whims of its dictator-for-life mayor. What's more, this only requires a ''slight'' exaggeration of CWCVille's unsavory traits. None of the heroes, of course, have a problem with how CWCville is run, and in fact are shown to have immunity from the law.
* Fight scenes involving the main characters often have them beating up [[jerkop|jerkops]], innocent people with mental handicaps who've been brainwashed into becoming [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s evil minions. It's not until ''Sonichu #9'' that anybody even tries to cure them of their brainwashing. Even then, it's explicitly mentioned that the "heroes" have killed several jerkops, who they know full well are victims rather than villains.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
===Episode #1: Sonichu's Origin===
* Sonic just sort of disappears after crashing into Pikachu, and takes the credit for Sonichu's fight against the Perfect Chaos Monster. Sonichu isn't bothered by this and even names himself after the guy who ran him over and immediately abdicated an important battle.
===Episode #2: Sonichu in 'Genesis of the Lovehogs'===
* Sonichu stalks Rosechu to her home and spies on her through the window rather than introducing himself to her like a normal person.
* Kel straight-up pimps out her Pokémon to each other. To be fair, this happens in the video games, but it's rather jarring to see outside of a game mechanics context.
===Episode #3: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc===
* [[Giovanni]]'s son [[Naitsirhc]] is shown to have ''at least'' two Legendary Pokémon and sports even more in the team Chris describes him having. Combined with how no trainers from the video games or the anime appear in the series, this places ''Sonichu'' in a grimdark world where Team Rocket was victorious over Ash and friends, whose bodies are presumably decaying in shallow graves somewhere outside Saffron City.

===Classic Sonichu Strips===
* [[Vamprosa|Rosechu]], a protagonist, is shown as a vampire, an undead monster that sustains its existence by draining the blood of others.
* When the comic was originally written, no reason was given in the fiction for Chris and Sonichu to attack [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. She is not depicted as doing anything more evil than merely ''existing'' and saying "Hee Hee" and "Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"
* No reason is given as to why Chris and Sonichu only get one shot at defeating Mary Lee Walsh. If they had missed, would they simply have left Mary to do whatever presumably evil thing she was doing?
* Rosechu does nothing but look on and say "Oh no!" while Chris is being beaten by Mary Lee Walsh's mecha-Jerkops, despite supposedly having equal power to Sonichu.

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Episode #4: Black Sonichu in ''Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!''===
* Did Giovanni snip off Black Sonichu's balls like a naughty poodle after he mildly sassed his son? Chris-chan sets up a potentially interesting plot twist -- a clone pretends fealty to their evil creators only to bide his time and betray them -- but then takes his sweet time resolving this subplot while Blachu sublimates his role as the villains' bitch. If Black Sonichu realized that he was forcefed a pack of bullshit and propaganda, why did he cheerfully go along with his handlers for so long before joining the forces of "good"?

===Episode #5: Sonichu in ''Informal Meeting''===
* A map of the area on page twelve shows that Sonic lives fairly close to Giovanni's undisguised headquarters. Why Sonic remained oblivious of and/or ignored the existence of Pokémon's biggest villain for so long is an exercise left to the reader.

===Episode #6: Sonic and Sonichu in ''Black Metal Combat''===
* This issue is the first to show Chris's curious habit of having a character with explicitly better superpowers than their opponent or ally being totally outclassed, i.e. Sonichu's dismal performance versus Sonic the Hedgehog's unstoppable rampage, Bionic contemptuously dispatching Reldnahc, Wes-Li effortlessly beating up Chris-chan, etc. While this is a common theme in fiction to show that cunning, strategy, and determination is more important than brute force, this dissonance seems to happen in Sonichu simply for the sake of making the antagonists look a bit less impotent than they really are. Due to Chris's predictable and boring style of writing, the villains are almost invariably defeated permanently and subsequently cast aside when they and the protagonists next meet.
* Sonic, a seasoned superhero, not only lets the much more inexperienced Sonichu go in ahead of him but does so even after suspecting that they're walking into a trap. Letting Sonichu take point and even springing the aforementioned trap without so much as a warning was pretty weaselly on Sonic's part.
* After a long and arduous battle complete with SONIC SPEED and ZAPPING TO THE EXTREME, Sonichu, Sonic, and Rosechu finally have two globally infamous criminals cornered. And... the comic just forgets about them in lieu of a shopping spree at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==
===Episode #7: Sonichu in ''Anchuent Prophecy''===
* Wes and Sarah get personal training in how to use their hedgehog powers from the spirits of ''their'' ancestors; Chris isn't so lucky. The [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] is more than happy to leave Chris to fend for himself. To his credit, Sonichu does at least help Chris get elementary training. Nonetheless, the clan leader's selective neglect of his disciple leaves Chris unaware of at [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|least]] two [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|superpowers]] that would've made things a lot easier on Chris. Not that he needs ''more'' deus ex machinas in his corner, but still.

===Episode #8: Christian Chandler in ''Chaos & Serenity''===
* Sonichu disappears for a large portion of the battle between Wes and Chris-Chan for no good reason. Considering that Wes was trying to kill Sonichu's "father", his help would've been much appreciated.
* After Wes goes on for some time about why he's behaving evilly, Chris goes on a [[ego|self-aggrandizing]] rant and tries to paint himself as an innocent victim in the love triangle, rather than trying to negotiate with Wes or calm him down. Chris clearly is more concerned about his own [[ego]] than getting his and Wes's shit together to fulfill the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
* Sarah, despite being told that her role in the upcoming events was to be a peacemaker between the other two humans-turned-hedgehog, decides not to intervene until her partners almost kill each other.
* Chris gets his ass kicked in less than a page by Wes in spite of having more and better superpowers than his rival.

===Episode #9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in ''The Evil that Stomped CWCville''===
* Sarah very stupidly decides to dump Wes Iseli right before the prophesied evil takes place, causing Wes's [[heart level]] to collapse right before the fated battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]]. To be fair, you could argue that it wouldn't be right to romantically string someone along just to cajole them into doing the right thing... except that she had no problem inflicting this sneaky tactic on ''Chris'' at the end of the issue.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===Episode #10: ''Sonichu Babies''===
* Punchy unambiguously murders [[Mypoe]].
* That said, as much as we wish agony and woe on those obnoxious [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees and Roseys]], Punchy's violent reaction to Mypoe ''mutilating him shortly after his birth'' is completely understandable. The real question is this: what kind of dojo is Shinabe running here?
* Unless he has one hell of an explanation for his actions, Mewtwo stole Magi-chan's childhood and sculpted him into the borderline-[[autism|autistic]] he is today for his own reasons. [[Chris and writing|Not that we'll]] [[Sonichu 11|ever know these reasons]].

===Episode #11: The Chaotic Combo in ''When Hedgehogs Meet''===
* Why is something as powerful and calamitous as the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] just sitting out in the open, guarded solely by a powerless [[Flame the Sunbird|parrot]]? At the very least it should be placed somewhere hidden. Then again, the Sunstone ceases to become an issue after this comic so maybe the mayor did something smart for once and squirreled it [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|someplace more secure]].
* Speaking of [[Flame the Sunbird]], he's only able to fly for about 20 miles (the distance between the shores to where Bubbles is) before being winded. For a bird, especially one that's a self-styled guardian, this is a pathetic level of physical fitness.
* Every single member of the Chaotic Combo pile on Black Sonichu at the end and just beat him to a bloody pulp. While he overpowered them one on one, Black Sonichu getting dogpiled by half a dozen mutants and left bleeding and disfigured doesn't exactly suggest an even fight between a team of heroes and a powerful villain. Besides, Black Sonichu didn't even mean to aggravate them.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
* Chris refuses to leave every time he's called out for soliciting sex.
* Chris [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] a [[Jerkief|man]], making him lose his wife, kids, and home, all because he was told not to stand around like a [[Creepy stare|creep]].
* Chris throws a [[Chris and anger|temper tantrum]] because a [[Hanna|girl]] played a prank on him.
* Chris breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman's]] home (not the [[Sonichu 0|first time]] nor the [[Sonichu 10|last]]) completely unprovoked and beats the shit out of her.
* Chris's self-insert fails, forcing Chris's other [[Sonichu (character)|self-insert]] to help his sorry ass.
* Chris and his [[Sonichu (character)|bastard son]] brutally murder a defenseless old woman in cold blood.
* Chris and [[Darkbind Sonichu|another one of his recolors]] injure [[B-Manajerk|two]] [[Merried Seinor Comic|people]] for asking him to leave the store.
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|emotionless fuck-buddy]] decapitate [[W-M-Manajerk|someone]] for telling him to leave.
* Chris makes fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally handicapped people]].
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|personified sexual insecurity]] beat the shit out of [[Bagget|some]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|more]] [[Count Graduon|people]] for (and you're not going to guess this) telling him to leave a [[Get-Tar Region|store]].

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===Episode #12: Christian Chandler in ''My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding''===
* Chris is invisibly spying on the wedding. Meaning that he wasn't invited and decided to just [[The GAMe PLACe|show up anyway]] or that he was but just [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|likes creeping around for no reason]].
* What exactly was stopping Chris from deploying another Trap Card or at least warning the crowd when he realized that his reasoning wasn't getting through? Someone might have gotten killed.
* With all of the craziness that happens in CWCVille, Sarah Spicer was careless to not have her lightning bracelets at arms length whether or not they clashed with her wedding gown. Chris evidently believes women care more about matching their outfits than about protecting the people they love. Also, why couldn't she just get a gown that didn't clash?
* Boy, those [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards sure came in handy this chapter and previously in episode #8. All of those versatile, powerful, yet easily-deployable effects should make protecting CWCVille and saving innocents a breeze! Too bad Chris lost interest in the franchise after this issue so they'll never be seen or even mentioned again.
===Episode #13: ''Smashed Hearts & Entrapment''===

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==
===Episode #12.5: ''One Lucky Dog''===
* Chris resurrects his pet dog. In-story she merely turned from a dog into a magical talking dog, but Chris doesn't hide what he's really doing. Regardless of how many people die in the comic's pages--from innocent bystanders, to victims of circumstance, to real-life gal pals--CWC has only extended this mercy [[Simonla Rosechu|once more.]]
* With the introduction of [[Allison Amber]], it becomes obvious that even in his fantasy world, Chris is too lazy to do any of his mayoral duties that won't help him look cool or punish his enemies. What's more, an unelected city employee way down the chain of command has been promoted to Vice Mayor, although we were led to believe [[Women's rights|she was just an overpowered secretary]] for a long time. Allison performs almost literally all of Chris's mayoral duties, which is [[Chris and the Law|highly illegal]] because she doesn't have the relevant authority.

===Episode #14: ''Evil is Afoot!''===
* Allowing his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|defeated enemy]] mercy and attentive medical treatment is probably the most uncharacteristically nice thing Chris does in this comic. Unfortunately, the magnanimity of this gesture is ruined by the fact that there's absolutely no security in Reldnahc's room during his convalescence, leaving Chris's arch-nemesis free to just ''walk out of the hospital''.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==
===Episode #15: Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Christian in ''Time for a Ball''===
* [[Bionic]] (Chris's first bastard child) makes the highly progressive assumption that [[Third date|women always put out after the third date]].
* Chris and Magi-Chan introduce a convenient [[Chris and writing|plot device]] to help them solve their seemingly nonexistent problems. The question here is that if they knew about them this whole time, why wait until now to 'search' for them? Chris could have easily used them in the past to stop [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|villains]] in the past, yet decided to postpone it to the point where it would cost [[Ivy|countless]] [[Pandahalo|lives]].

===Episode #16: C.W.C. and Sonichu in ''Time Hogs''===
* Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing [[Hanky panky|sex]] to realize that Chris has been flung out of the time sphere, giving no thought to helping him. Magi-Chan should have been able to sense it telepathically or whatever.

===''Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!''===

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|What does your existentialist philosophy say about FURRY FACE RAPE, Jason?]]
===Episode #17: ''Rage against the Garbage''===
* Rosechu is so ignorant about how the Internet and [[troll]]ing works that she thinks that taking nudes of herself is going to overwhelm the flow of [[Rosechu#Intersex|shemale]] pictures. Amusingly, this is one of the few instances where a protagonist is immediately broken of their delusions.
* Sonichu, Wild, and Rosechu plot burglary without even ''trying'' to negotiate for the Sonichu Balls. As far as we know, Jason is the rightful owner and Sonichu's crew are a bunch of thieves.
* Wild's family is harassed by arsonists and his father is kidnapped by poachers but the putative Mayor clearly can't be bothered to stop stuffing his face with chicken nuggets long enough to take care of the problem.
* For that matter, Wild couldn't even be assed to look for his own damn father himself. Even if he was still too weak to mount a solo rescue, at this point in the comic he knows at least ten other characters with powers similar or superior to his own and has no excuse for not resuming his quest. Then again, Wild probably knew that his 'friends' were too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else anyway. Hell, Sonichu and Rosechu couldn't be bothered to do anything more than go 'oh, that sucks' at Wild's tearjerker.
* Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild very stupidly schedule the latter's infiltration at the same time as their meeting with the owner of 4-cent garbage. Jason knows that they will be here, so why would they undertake this dangerous and important mission when he's on alert? Then again, Wild doesn't meet any resistance more stringent than a locked safe so it doesn't matter anyway.
* On several floors, Sonichu, Rosechu, and even Chris physically attack people whose only crime is uploading pictures to the Internet.
* Jason Kendrick Howell flat-out admits that he owns an [[Kathleen|underage sex slave]] that he does illegal things with. Sonichu and Rosechu can't even give the tiniest of shits about this grievous affront to human dignity. They're only concerned about Rosechu being drawn with a penis.
* After Jason taunts Sonichu and Rosechu, both attack him and in the latter's case attempts to rape/kill him. Jason only survives thanks to dark forces keeping him alive.
* The 19th Amendment, securing the right of women to vote, apparently doesn't [[Chris and sexism|apply to CWCVille]]. You know, a city supposedly existing within the borders of the United States.
* Rosechu thinks that laws preventing a 14-year old from being able to [[pedofork|assist in nude protests]] are "dumb".

===Episode #18: ''Spring Break 2008''===
* The protagonists are overly quick to forgive Blake. Granted, being a [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain]] his villainy hasn't exceeded 'kidnap Rosechu and get his teeth knocked out' -- a far cry from the mass murders the heroes cause in Sonichu 10 to be sure. Nonetheless, it's still dumb for the other protagonists to implicitly trust someone who was only a few months ago working for [[Robotnik|two]] of the [[Giovanni|biggest criminals]] on the planet.
* Bubbles is astonishingly stupid and careless when dealing with Silvana-Blake. Despite getting two credible warnings from Magi-Chan and Jiggliami/Blake that she was about to fuck a impostor, she's still not convinced.
* Blake has more of an excuse than Bubbles than his actions, but wasn't he the tiniest bit suspicious that Bubbles aborted her mission in order to have nasty furry jungle sex?

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==
===Episode #19: ''Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)''===
* This is not the heroes' fault, but the [[Dating Education]] class is mind-meltingly idiotic. The coursework is piss-easy what with fifty-word essays, the IM portion being unsupervised, and an enormous douche like Reginald almost getting a perfect score. If the characters had an ounce of self-respect they would have dropped this worthless class by day two and demanded their money back.
* The heroes apparently have trouble discerning the identities of people with extremely obvious screen names, which doesn't speak well of their intelligence. Gee, I wonder who [[Simonla Rosechu|DigDugette416]] could be?
* [[Reginald Sneasel]] is, and let's be frank here, a ''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fulminating asshole]]''. Reginald lets down his IM partner and classmate FlorDora217 because of his [[Layla]] obsession, intentionally spreads scurrilous rumors about her, sabotages school equipment, and stalks the two on their date. By contrast, Punchy decides to cooperate with Layla despite also having his eye on someone else, tries to keep an open mind about her, foils Reginald's cunning plan with his counter-gambit of 'have his [[Wild Sonichu|best buddy]] ask Layla directly', and acts like a perfect gentlemen on his date. How sad is it that you come off as more of a jerk than a sex-crazed, [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark|sadomasochistic]] Sonic headswap? This wouldn't be so bad if Reginald was set up to be the typical jealous-yet-hapless suitor potboiler romantic comedies thrive upon, but given his fate in this episode and the rest of [[Sonichu 9]] he's clearly meant to be a ''sympathetic character''.
* Ms. Jackaras just abruptly dies halfway through the narrative and nobody even reacts except her sister, who replaces her instantly for some reason. Her sister mourns for precisely one panel.

===Episode #20: ''CWC-Defense''===
* Sonichu gets a glimpse of his wife's panties while she's doing laundry and turns into a drooling pervert. Very classy of you, sweet-bolt.
* Sonichu goes on an unprompted uncomfortably long homophobic tirade that makes him look violent and unbalanced, complete with breaking the couple's property.
* Why hasn't CWCville elected or at least appointed a new interim mayor yet? It's been several months since Chris was trapped in the time void, there's no reason to think that he'll be back anytime soon or at all. Again, the city is forced to dump way too many important decisions on an over-promoted secretary. This gets discussed further in the next section.
* Prower can transform into a [[media:Prowl_prower.jpg|giant robot]] and was very close-by, yet he failed to help Punchy and Layla when they were surrounded by [[Jerkop]]s. Punchy was able to take care of himself, but Layla was clearly unused to fighting and almost got her head handed to her.
* The CWC-defenders are completely blindsided by the [[PVCC]]'s game plan, sending their [[Chaotic Combo|heavy-hitters]] on wild goose chases all around the city while unaware that the real target of the invasion is the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]; said mall is left defended by illustrious badasses like [[Zapina Rosechu|a skanky tween girl]] and a [[Patti-Chan|half-naked zombie dog]].
* When the combined forces of Sonic recolors and Autobot rejects prove to be inadequate for defending the city, [[Allison Amber]] doesn't even bother to let the media know, let alone try to get assistance. Bionic and Darkbind only realize what's going on as the conflict starts spilling out past the city borders.
* Even if Chris-chan is the one fated to [[Anchuent Prophecy|personally stop Graduon and Walsh]], there's still no reason for Sonichu to just let her fly away and regroup.
* After the battle is over, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon show basically no concern about [[Chris and death|the destruction that has befallen their city]].

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Having a little girl torture her [[Evan|grandpa]]? Totally normal behavior from your heroes!]]
===Episode #21: ''Christian Chandler in Director Amenities''===
* The amount of sheer evil the "protagonists" exhibit in this issue clearly shows their transition from [[Blake|bumbling yet harmless goons]] to [[The Incredible Lioness|terrifyingly violent and sadistic psychopaths]]. From [[Lovely Weather#Deception|rape by deception]] to [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|authoritarian genocide]], this issue has it all.
* Chris poisons the planet's water supplies with his "[[Homo|straight]]" blood, thereby initiating a genocide against homosexuals, bisexuals and asexuals worldwide. Aside from being ethically perverse, this scheme shows an [[honor roll|inexcusable ignorance of simple science]]. Those few crates would barely be enough to infect a modern city's water supply for a few days, let alone worldwide. Transferring a vaccine through the water supply is also ludicrous; not only would the treatment facilities dilute and kill the immunizing vectors, blood-stomach ingestion is one of the weakest ways to transmit a disease.
* Chris '''rapes''' his future self's wife by [[Liquid Chris|pretending to be his future self]].
* Chris blows up a building filled with "devil [[trolls]]", sealing it up beforehand as well to ensure that nothing escapes as he does so.
* Chris (By now, you're probably realizing it's almost ''all'' Chris) breaks [[Jimmy Hill|a man's]] [[Fangs|teeth]] because he [[Parody|parodied]] him.
* Chris violently injects his own blood into his [[Reldnahc|nemesis]], in some sort of harebrained scheme to turn him straight.
* Chris then teleports Reldnahc straight into the domicile of Kel without so much as a trial or medical examination, under the excuse that evil behavior being due to his recent transformation into an evil homosexual hedgehog. Though stripped of his [[Anchuent Prophecy]]-granted powers, Reldnahc was already on the side of the bad guys before his transformation. Thus Chris just delivered a world-class Pokémon trainer working for one of the biggest criminal organizations straight into the arms of one of his unsuspecting friends!
* Chris and the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Hedgehog Boys]] destroy a populated high-rise building, killing and injuring hundreds of innocent people in an act of extreme [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]], because they drew pictures of his imaginary friends with [[Pickles|pee-pees]].
* Chris punches someone in the face hard enough to knock out his teeth, for sardonically referring to him as 'miss'.
* Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|Alec Benson's Leary - Alec Benson's... Try saying that three times fast with plurals. Heh.]] Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec's]] house, before Chris destroys all of his computer data and then the computer itself.
* Chris and Sonichu then [[Chris and copyright|plagiarize]] all of Alec's [[True and honest|TRUE and HONEST]] creations, followed by having them beat the shit out of Alec and accusing him of keeping [[Rape|female prisoners]] in his basement.
* Chris breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman]]'s house completely unprovoked, and brutally attacks her to the extent of causing permanent paralysis, before having her stripped of her powers and sent to a maximum security prison with no trial.
* Magi-chan shows no sympathy for Silvana's literal emasculation. To be fair, Silvana being gender-changed against her will (she refused a previous offer) is an unavoidable side-effect of stopping the mad [[Count Graduon]], but that's no reason for him to be so gleeful about it.
* Magi-Chan, the inhuman monster he is, informs [[Sandy|an infant]] only minutes old that her mother was murdered by '[[Evan]]'. That's right, even birth doesn't get you out of your duties as Chris's personal bodyguard.
* Chris and his [[Electric hedgehog pokemon|corrupted officials]] have a show trial for [[Asperpedia|four innocent men]], before having them sentenced to death, with little to no evidence against them.
* Chris and his entourage, including a one-week-old girl and a [[Kel|preteen]], brutally execute four people in violent and inhumane ways. Remember, this is a comic Chris claims is aimed at children.
* Chris disrespects [[Wikipedia:Flag Day in Mexico|a national holiday]] by being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]] jackass.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===''A Sonichu Christmas''===

-WIP-

==Sonichu Specials==
* In Sonichu Special 4, Chris decides to take matters into his own hands rather than contacting the local police and/or sending in an ally that could get to Kacey's kidnapper's location faster than he could driving at the speed limit.
* After Chris disarms and wristlocks the kidnapper, Chris intentionally trips him and shoots him in each knee. This is at the very least maiming; Chris is fortunate that his opponent survived to star in [[Episode 20|CWC Defense]], otherwise he'd be facing charges of 2nd or even 1st degree murder.

==[[Mailbag]]==
* One needs to read [[Mailbag 5#Chris does not know what "benevolent" means, or how government works|Mailbag 5]] in conjunction with [[Sonichu 10]] to really grasp the scope of this problem, but the CWCVille municipal government is extremely flawed. There are at least three major problems with the administration: the first is that after being thrown into the [[Time Void]], an interim mayor should have been appointed from the city council's ranks if Chris was going to be gone for so long. Who this would be varies depending on the city's charter but this person is typically the chief administrator officer -- which for a city of CWCVille's size would be an elected position (and not Allison Amber) unless the democratic trappings are even more of a sham than we thought. The second is that we never actually see them doing any work. Why, for example, was city defense left (again) to Allison Amber instead of the chief of police? The third is that the city council didn't do anything to stop or inform others Chris's plan to commit mass murder despite him flat-out telling them; even an amateur paralegal would be able to get charges of conspiracy and accessory to murder to stick.
* In gross violation of the 1st, 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments of the U.S. Constitution Chris reveals that [[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck|Magi-chan is engaged in psychic surveillance on CWCVille's populace]] to ensure that homosexuality is - as it in the author's own mind - thoroughly suppressed.

==Other Instances==

==See Also==
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[CWCVille]] - For a more in-depth analysis of the various municipal failings of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu's]] primary setting.

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Comic]][[Category:Lists]][[Category:Villains]]

26 December 2014

2016-07-10T13:18:48Z

Lysistrata: /* Epilog */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was one of the more eventful days of Chris's life, certainly since [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduating high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with [[Wikipedia:Pepper spray|pepper spray]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every [[GameStop]] within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] (from which he may have already been banned) with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet.

While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise and had banned him accordingly. They had been on the lookout for him, suggesting this wasn't the first time he tried to return after being banned. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying unconvincingly, committing further acts of vandalism may indeed have been his real agenda that day.

Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and many details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, meaning Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at home.

On 28 [[December 2014|December]], a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when [[Tumblr]] user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It later became viral and one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Notably, Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, presumably being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, monozettai's inbox was flooded with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in [[Gamestop]] looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Soon after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, even though the footage does not support this claim, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local [[GameStop]]s (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of [[December 2014|December]] to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the [[Fashion Square]] [[GameStop]], and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New [https://www.skylanders.com/characters/blastermind Skylander Figure: Blastermind]. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace again. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. It was seen as a disturbing indicator that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]].

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a no-contact order on Chris as part of his bail conditions.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to have been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at [[mcdonalds]] on the way (not the [[ruckersville]] one across from [[walmart]]), because it was on 29 toward [[c-ville]]. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a [[decepticon]] than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable ''[sic]'' was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and [[Burger King]] – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” [[Barb]]’s [[Wikipedia:BMW Z3|Z-3]] had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two [[Jerk|MALES]]. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FI9INA16FaQ}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to the predictions of many, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing [[Chris and fashion|an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow]]. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of [[Wikipedia:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]] with [[Tomgirl|Ms. Caitlyn Jenner]] on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like [[Wikipedia:Mr. Peanut|Mr. Peanut]]. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up [[Sega]] executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that [[Son-Chu]] was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his [[autism|atismu]]. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his [[noviophobia]]. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation were not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was [[Rocky]].

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the [[Wikipedia:Public defender|PD]] came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

==Epilogue==
Chris's probation expired on 11 April 2016 and he paid his court costs of $541 on July 1 of that year.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away and raise his arms, probably in an attempt to wipe or rub his now maced eyes. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Ass Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow Shirt]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

William Elliott Waterman

2016-06-27T10:12:30Z

Lysistrata: /* Kiwi Farms */

[[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|thumb|William Elliott Waterman]]
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born March 1, 1986) is a former [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''' or '''Waterhead''' by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William frequently commented on Chris's Facebook posts with support, and can be considered a [[white knight]]. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions. His posts often consisted of a smiley or a simple message.

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out [[trolls]] over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref> A post from 3 August indicates that William discussed Chris with Anna, who told William about how far back she and Christian go.<ref>http://i.imgur.com/Vzyfg48.png</ref>

In late 2015, Chris removed William from his friends list. The reason for the unfriending is unknown, but it was presumably related to William's activity on Kiwi Farms, where he claimed to be a troll and attempted to enter a troll partnership with [[Alec Benson Leary]].

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris were often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted cards of [[Pokémon]] Cubone and Yamask, along with a rant about having no local friends. William's reply was a simple comment of, "I love cubone [''sic''] and yamask [''sic'']".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, Waterman made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. Waterman, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. Waterman also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, Waterman also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which is essentially nothing more than proof that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

A few days after this, Waterman was unfriended by Chris on Facebook, and promptly returned to obscurity.

By [[June 2016]], he had been re-added as a friend by Chris, and when Chris went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his estranged brother]] for not [[Chris and money|serving as an ATM]] for himself and [[Barb]], Waterman commented, [[Ego|redirecting the topic to himself]] and his [[Pokemon|autistic interests]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

William Elliott Waterman

2016-06-27T10:07:08Z

Lysistrata: /* Kiwi Farms */

[[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|thumb|William Elliott Waterman]]
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born March 1, 1986) is a former [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''' or '''Waterhead''' by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William frequently commented on Chris's Facebook posts with support, and can be considered a [[white knight]]. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions. His posts often consisted of a smiley or a simple message.

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out [[trolls]] over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref> A post from 3 August indicates that William discussed Chris with Anna, who told William about how far back she and Christian go.<ref>http://i.imgur.com/Vzyfg48.png</ref>

In late 2015, Chris removed William from his friends list. The reason for the unfriending is unknown, but it was presumably related to William's activity on Kiwi Farms, where he claimed to be a troll and attempted to enter a troll partnership with [[Alec Benson Leary]].

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris were often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted cards of [[Pokémon]] Cubone and Yamask, along with a rant about having no local friends. William's reply was a simple comment of, "I love cubone [''sic''] and yamask [''sic'']".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, Waterman made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. Waterman, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. Waterman also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, Waterman also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which is essentially nothing more than proof that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

A few days after this, Waterman was unfriended by Chris on Facebook, and promptly returned to obscurity.

By [[June 2016]], he had been re-added as a friend by Chris, and when he went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his brother]] for not serving as an ATM or himself and Barb, Waterman commented, [[Ego|redirecting the topic to himself]] and his [[Pokemon|autistic interests]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

26 December 2014

2016-06-13T21:10:07Z

Lysistrata:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was one of the more eventful days of Chris's life, certainly since [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduating high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] (from which he may have already been banned) with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet.

While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise and had banned him accordingly. They had been on the lookout for him, suggesting this wasn't the first time he tried to return after being banned. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying unconvincingly, committing further acts of vandalism may indeed have been his real agenda that day.

Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and many details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, meaning Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at home.

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It later became viral and one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Notably, Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, presumably being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, monozettai's inbox was flooded with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Soon after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, even though the footage does not support this claim, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace again. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. It was seen as a disturbing indicator that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]].

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a no-contact order on Chris as part of his bail conditions.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to have been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable ''[sic]'' was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to the predictions of many, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation were not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was Rocky.

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the PD came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away and raise his arms, probably in an attempt to wipe or rub his now maced eyes. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Ass Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow Shirt]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Gal pal

2016-06-13T19:24:29Z

Lysistrata: /* Betrayal */

{{quote
|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.
|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]
}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for a female friend. Chris claims to have had a lot of these in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. Since then, he has been lamenting his lack of gal-pals for over a decade.

==Chris and gal-pals==

Chris said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref> He has always been hesitant about making friends with males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. Perhaps because of this, he has adopted rather [[tomgirl|effeminate]] traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the [[sex tape]], or having a collection of [[My Little Pony]] action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys.

In typical Chris style, he has managed to drive every single gal-pal away. He believes that all the attention from his high school gal-pals meant that he had his pick of which to turn into his [[sweetheart]], and that he missed out on this opportunity because of his naïveté, oblivious to the fact that they probably associated with him out of pity. Since high school, his enormous character flaws have continued to repel the ladies.

It is also interesting to note that he rarely refers to girls as "friends", but as "gal-pals". Usually, this phrase is used by women when talking about their social clique. Only [[homos|gay]] men ever refer to female friends as "gal-pals", and even then, they're usually joking. Men talking about a female companion will just say "friend", or "a girl who happens to be my friend" as opposed to a "girlfriend", because in English colloquy, the latter implies a romantic relationship. The fact that Chris thinks of girls not as "friends" but as "gal-pals" (which he probably thinks is cute, him being "one of the girls") reasserts his [[women's rights|sexism]]. He doesn't see the women in his life as equals and companions, but as possible [[china]].

Despite his alleged fondness for his gal-pals, virtually nothing is known about them and why Chris was so fond of them. There is no reason to believe Chris had any interest in their lives other than their gender. Some have suggested that he clung onto them as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

==Notable gal-pals==
[[File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|thumb|right|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious."]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]
* [[Kellie Lyn Andes]]
* [[Tiffany Nicole Gowen]]
* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Kacey Devoria]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]]
* [[Catherine]]

==Other gal-pals==
===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' was a friend of Chris in the days he lived in [[Richmond]]. She was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days."<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref>

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' was a friend Chris met at [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while, often hanging out at the bus stop near their homes. She was slightly older than him and a "good girl." For a while he had a crush on her, until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there."<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Messages]]</ref>

The devastating betrayal by his high school gal-pals in 2013 (see below) caused Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha, too, had been "Hired Help." He remembered that his [[Bob Chandler|father]] had given him money to give to Natasha "as payment for her Friendship and Attention." He figured she had been a sort of babysitter whose task was to "protect me to and back from the bus stop." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake." It reenforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie."<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Messages]]</ref>

===Sarah Anne Bevel===
[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Bevel''' was Chris's classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class. She sat with him at lunch and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then."<ref>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" some time later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer known him, despite having being one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, trolls hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him." This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h." He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-13.2726/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment, "Well that explains a few things....." <ref name="Used porn comments">http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y505/bgheff/138736550810_zpsc03df10f.png</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently "spoons" with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all."<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

===Molly Quarles===
'''Molly Quarles''' was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around." Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then."<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she apparently remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>
[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]
===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda," as Chris sometimes spells it) '''Joyce Mitchell''' was "a pretty girl, and...a big brain of my Circle of Friends."<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year. In Computer Graphics class, they were partners, and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers."<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

==Betrayal==
On 30 October, 2013, Chris [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|posted on Facebook]] about a recent discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.

{{quote
|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now, but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.
|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]
}}

Of course, this comes as a surprise to no one except Chris, as the [[Anna_McLerran|vast]] [[Kim Wilson|majority]] [[Vivian_Gee|of]] his gal-pals have indeed been [[White_knight|white knights]] trying to protect him.

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|a recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls, in an effort to get Chris to leave the real gal-pals alone. <ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/x-post-closure-of-the-cwcki-forums-private-discussion-board.5783/</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: Friend Brought Along, '''Miranda Joyce Mitchell''' (in black), '''Sarah Anne Bevel''' (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Chris's birthday

2016-04-13T12:13:12Z

Lysistrata: /* 2016, 34th birthday */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}
[[File:175-SchuBday.jpg|thumb|Best wishes from Sonichu.]]
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his Ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===1999, 17th birthday===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Unsurprising, since it's listed on TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" pages for a reason:

{{quotebox|At a time when LCD games were being phased out and the [[Game Boy]] Color was just about to be released, the ill-conceived Pro 200, made by some unknown company under the name ProTech, was released via mail order, claiming to be a cheap alternative to all the other systems out on the market. The "system" (to say the least) was marketed as to having 200 games, being a full-function calculator and having "state-of-the-art" computer chip technology. In reality, the system had only 15 games (the marketers got the 200 figure by counting each difficulty level as an individual game), most of which were ''Tetris'' rip-offs. The ones that weren't ''Tetris'' rip-offs were just as bad due to the system's ridiculously small screen, much like those cheap products one could find at a bargain bin.}}

He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===2000, 18th birthday===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[Mia Hamm|strip club]]s, no [[Alcohol|booze]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. Even more interestingly, ''Kenan and Kel'''s parent show, ''All That'', featured a ''Vital Information for Your Everyday Life'' sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:

{{Quote|If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a boy and [[Muscle bra|your bra]] is too tight, I'M uncomfortable.|Lori Beth Denberg}}

The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===2003, 21st birthday===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]], Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===2005, 23rd birthday===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News Dash#Chris's 23rd Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===2007, 25th birthday===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===2008, 26th birthday===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her. Chaos ensued.

===2009, 27th birthday===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris and death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in [[Mumble 9]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip]].

===2010, 28th birthday===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#Hey, Vivian — 11 February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===2011, 29th birthday===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the [[Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===2012, 30th birthday===
[[File:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PlayStation Vita]] and a copy of ''Asphalt Injection'' (a racing title that was critically-panned and not as well-received as other ''Asphalt'' games).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===2013, 31st birthday===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting trolling".

===2014, 32nd birthday===
Chris and his mother were staying in their [[Rental House|temporary house]] while [[14 Branchland Court|his home]] was undergoing repairs after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery destruction]]. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his [[LEGO]] [[high school]], watched the Back to the Future movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday]]</ref>

===2015, 33rd birthday===
Chris took to [[Facebook]], asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with ''two'' $70 Bikini Bottom sets - because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he ''may'' reconsider his feelings - it's not guaranteed, but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.

===2016, 34th birthday===
After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. [[2016|This year]], he made an [[Chris and negotiation|"offer"]] to his fanbase: if they sent him a [[PS4]] bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on [[Etsy]]. Whether Chris even ''has'' $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy, or whether they would receive their purchases in a timely manner, is an exercise left to the reader.

Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing ([[Update: 2/25/16|in the most lulzy fashion]]) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday <s>boy</s> [[Tomgirl|girl]]. Not only that, but [[Weens|some]] had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in [[CWCVille]] they say - that the Mayor's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]] shrank three sizes that day.

Chris eventually purchased his own PS4 when nobody took him up on his "generous offer", but nonetheless pretended that he'd received it as a gift from an employee of the company he bought it from, in an apparent attempt to troll the trolls and/or rewrite history so he can continue believing that he has a massive <s>[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (comics)|terrorist]] [[Chaotic Combo|organization]]</s> fanbase who love him and would do ''anything'' for him, even if it breaks the law. And sure enough, he's tried to use them for just that, in the past, inciting them to [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|vandalism and even violence]].

Ultimately, many found it simultaneously funny and sad that Chris had to make up his own [[white knight]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14.
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17.
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18.
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19.
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20.
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21.
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22.
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23.
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24.
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25.
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27.<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28.<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29.
File:Christran1.jpg|Age 30.
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31.
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|Age 33.
File:CWC34.png|Age 34.
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day (video)|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Ass Manager

2016-04-12T18:43:22Z

Lysistrata: Redirected page to Manajerks

#REDIRECT: [[Manajerks]]

Ass Manager

2016-04-12T18:43:09Z

Lysistrata: Redirected page to Manajerk

#REDIRECT: [[Manajerk]]

Manajerks

2016-04-12T18:41:46Z

Lysistrata:

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:B-manajerk_real.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's rendition of what the B-Manajerk may have actually looked like, based on Chris's descriptions.]]

'''Manajerks''' (a [[Wikipedia:Portmanteau|portmanteau]] of "manager" and "[[JERKS|jerk]]") are villains featured in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], most prominently in the [[Sub-Episodes]], who regularly antagonize [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic book counterpart]]. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his [[Love Quest]]. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly need to neutralize.

After his adventures on [[26 December 2014]], Chris began using the [[CWCism|term]] '''ass manager''' to refer to his victim, the [[GameStop]] assistant manager who he had peppersprayed and who ultimately took him to court.

==Origins==
Chris coined the term in [[CWC's Diary]] to describe the two Charlottesville [[Wal-Mart]] managers who confronted him on 22 June 2005. He has since used it in reference to other perceived enemies, including the managers of his local [[Target]], the management of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], [[Michael Snyder]], and another Wal-Mart manager who ejected him from the chain's Ruckersville location in the summer of 2013.

==Manajerks in real life==
Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.

At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a [[Chris|patron]] who loiters in [[Get-Tar Region|the workplace]], purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be [[Chris and health#Hygiene|unwilling to shower]] and had numbers of pairs of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|dirty crapped briefs]], his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold [[Attraction Sign|a sign]] expressing his desire for [[Chris and sex|intimate relations]] with young [[Chris and race|white]] [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]], it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron [[autism|crude and bizarre]]. Even worse, if such a patron were to [[Mal-Wart|vandalize store property]] or engage in similar property destruction, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes [[Chris and negotiation|unresponsive or difficult]], even to the point of, say, [[GameStop Assault|assaulting said manager with pepper spray]], the manager may also be charged with contacting the [[Jerkop|proper authorities]] to have him escorted ([[Kick the Autistic|forcibly, if need be]]) from the premises.

==Manajerks in ''Sonichu''==
In the pages of ''Sonichu'', manajerks, like [[jerkop|jerkops]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|college deans]], [[CADD Chef|CADD instructors]], and other [[Jerkhief|authority figures]], are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing [[video games]], building [[Heart Torch of Fail|crude sculptures]] with [[Pixelblocks]], and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local [[GameStop]]),<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.

Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Chris-hating team]], with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-[[virgin]], anti-[[autistic]], etc.

Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of [[CWCville]] during their invasions,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_25</ref> the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] or [[McDonald's]], which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.

Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of [[Fashion Square Mall]]; he's fighting in the ''Fa-Square'', of the ''Sho-Mall Region''. Target is similarly referred to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] refers to manajerk [[ScotPalazzo]] as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in [[CWCville]] that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.

===B-Manajerk===
[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Based on a True Story.]]

B-Manajerk was a manajerk first featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. To date, he is one of the only villains that Chris has ever been able to defeat single-handedly, as almost every other one-on-one fight Chris has ever had in the comics inevitably ended with him getting beaten half to death [[Chris and writing|until he was saved by another character]]. Not much is known about the B-Manajerk, not even his real name. What little we do know comes from Chris's own records of their encounters, as described below. If Chris's accounts are anything to go by, The B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart Chris got kicked out of, or else a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic". One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with [[Pixelblocks]]. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>

{{quote|June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the [[McDonald's]] at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], and apparently complaints were made. The two [[Manajerks|manajerkss]], a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[Niggos|Bla]][[Chris and race|ck]], [[Obesity|Fat]] Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Mall]], whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free Girl]], like I have been doing for the past [[Love Quest|over one-year and ten-months]]. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[Attraction Sign|sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblocks|Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” [[Virgin with rage|Verbal Combat]] had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Extract from [[CWC's Diary]]}}
[[File:B Manajerk.jpg|thumb|right|Based on a truer story.]]
The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "[[Mal-Wart]] Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the [[Jerkhief]], as Chris describes in his journal entry. He is also armed with a golden axe and a pair of large guns. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using [[Mecha-Jerkops]] on loan from the Jerkhief.

Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into [[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and the "[[Anime Wings|anime wings]]" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the Wing Hat power-up from ''Super Mario 64''. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his [[Love Quest]] and the absolute necessity of his [[Attraction Sign]].

The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where [[Mary Lee Walsh]] announced Chris's disappearance into the [[Time Void]].

Contrary to popular belief, this was actually not the last anyone saw or heard of B-Manajerk and his partner however, like it was for so many others before them. Though he was never actually ''seen'' again, the B-Manajerk was mentioned during the events of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']]. Towards the end of the issue, whilst [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] return from the battle against [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]], they receive a psychic message from [[Magi-Chan]] informing them of the state of the battle. In the same textwall in which he announces the death of [[Ivy]] and the destruction of the [[Decepti-Clones]], he briefly mentions that B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic had somehow grown to a gigantic size and took part in the battle with the rest of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. The battle is never actually shown, but Magi-Chan assures Sonichu and the readers that they were defeated by the Kart Megazord owned by the CWC-[[Power Rangers]] and that the two of them were shrunk back to their original size. The Kart Megazord itself is briefly glimpsed in the background.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_93</ref>

This would be the last time the manajerks were ever seen or heard from in the comics. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], Chris would use his [[Colossal Chan]] form to completely destroy PVCC and undo the brainwashing effect used to control all it's members. According to [[Mailbag 52]], this freed all the manajerks too. Chris later stated that the manajerks were cleared by the [[CWCville]] courts for their crimes, due to the fact that they couldn't help their actions at the time, but that they were depowered before being set free.{{cite}}

[[Chris and race|And yes, the "B" in "B-Manajerk" does stand for "black"]].<ref>[[Sonichu 4 Official Videobook]]</ref>

===Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby===
[[Image:MSC.jpg|thumb|left|You're missing both your arms, you work in a [[McDonald's]], and you have the most embarrassing and incomprehensible name in the world. Obviously the answer is to go into supervillainy.]]

Merried Seinor Comic is quite possibly the most unfortunately named villain in all of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', as one can't even figure out what words [[Chris]] was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. The name of his real life counterpart, Kirby McDerbie, offers no insight into this strangeness. [[Trolls]] on [[/cwc/]] have been speculating for as long as the character has been around, but no-one has ever been able to determine for sure what his name actually means, though some have guessed that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic".

The Merried Seinor Comic appeared for the first time in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']], helping the [[B-Manajerk]] in his opposition of Chris's [[Love Quest]]. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of [[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]] of the Region of [[Mal-Wart]]. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from ''[[Monty Python]] and the Holy Grail''.<ref>[[:Image:MSCPython.jpg]]</ref> In ''Sonichu'', Merried Seinor Comic was defeated in a sword fight by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], whilst Chris defeated his partner. In [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], which continues the two part story, the [[W-M-Manajerk]] arrives as back-up, but when he fails as well the McDuo flee the scene, with the Comic not seeming to even care about the recent loss of both his arms.

In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], the character appears at [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention, where he is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|removed in more recent versions]]. This is the last time the character is seen, but as mentioned above, he did participate in the Battle of CWCville offscreen, becoming a giant along with the B-Manajerk and fighting the Kart Megazord. It is presumed that he was depowered and set free like the other manajerks after [[Collosal Chan]] reversed [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s brainwashing.

===W-M-Manajerk===
[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|Truly a [[Kick the Autistic|shining example]] to us all. But for W-M-Manajerk, it's an average day.]]

After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonalds, as was described above, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonalds, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|weeaboo magic spells]] at him. Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, [[2005]], Chris took revenge in the only way he could; by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his [[Chris and reality|fantasy life]].
[[File:W-M-Manajerk fan art.jpg|thumb|right|[[Metal Gear Solid|Don't fuck with this manajerk.]]]]
In the [[You know what%2C I HATE ME TOO!!!]] segment Christian put on his [[ED]] page in [[March 2008]], he says he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from Sub-Episode 5 of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-Chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be physically disabled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.

The W-M-Manajerk character first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In the comic, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]] at the end of Sub-Episode 4. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on [[Wikipedia:Richard Nixon|Richard Nixon]] in the ''[[Futurama]]'' episode "A Head in the Polls". This episode featured Nixon as a similarly built robot with a head in a jar. The concept of a head in a jar is hardly unique to ''Futurama'', but it is a show beloved by Chris and virtually nothing he draws hasn't been at least loosely based off an already existing character.

The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would. Just as Chris begins to lose hope though, he receives a vision from the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who informs him that he must combine the powers of his [[Medallion of Fail]] with his [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Dream Sibling of Fail]]. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to Crystal, whom he had previously drawn on one of his home-made [[Yu-gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.

Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] respectively, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.

Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, were agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] lead by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the head-jar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.

W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC.

Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is actually pretty damn strong. It survives several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift [[Obesity|the very heavy]] Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a soda fountain. The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s head. It can be assumed that the head-jar also acted as a kind of life support system.

Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, [[Rosechu]] could probably beat him up now.

===ScotPalazzo===
[[Image:SchuComic8Page36.jpg|thumb|left|170px|ScotPalazzo: a villain who has an uncanny talent of unnaturally bending his arms around tables at 90 degree angles.]]

The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, and possibly the first manajerk Chris encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the [[Jerkhief]] and got trolled hard by [[Hanna]], but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until [[Sub-Episode 6]], when he expressed envy of Chris for his made-up TV show ''CWC's Backyard Safari''. Scot was clearly designed to resemble [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Lord Il Palazzo]] from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', and he is depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love itself for his mother's murder-suicide.

Whether or not the real Scot Palazzo suffered such a traumatic life as his comic counterpart, the fictional Scot remained one of the only villains in the series to give any kind of reason for his actions. [[Wes Iseli]] was motivated by jealousy, Mary gave reasons for her own war on love in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s motivation was existentialism, and then there was Scot. Despite being one of the few villains to actually have motivation to do all the crazy super-villain shit the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] gets up to however, he never actually ''does'' anything. In his debut appearance, he hires more [[jerkop|Jerkops]] to take down Chris, but he never gets any kind of [[semen|comeuppance]] for this and he never fights any of the heroes. He cameos again in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] at the council of villains, and his character description says that he banned all [[virgin with rage|virgins]] from his region, but this is all he has ever been seen to do. In many ways, he is more like an actual manager than any of the other manajerks on this page.

His given motivation conflicts with later revelations that all PVCC members, including the manajerks, were really just brainwashed slaves of Mary Lee Walsh. [[Collosal Chan|Colossal Chan]]'s power supposedly undid all brainwashing, and Chris's statements on the subject claimed that all the manajerks were cleared of everything. Presumably this can be taken to mean that Scot was also a victim, and that his jaded personality was reverted to whatever he was like prior to Mary's effect.

===Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)===
[[File:Get-Tar Manajerks.jpg|thumb|Behold, the two most harmless villains in the series.]]

The last of the manajerks to be introduced, the duo of Turdijerk and his accomplice Trebor Capman first appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], where they confronted Chris in the Get-Tar Region. The episode was based on an incident that occurred in real life at a newly opened [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] store in Chris's area. Attempting to start fresh in new [[Attraction Location|prowling grounds]], Chris planned to pay a single dollar to receive a soda at their snack bar and exploit their free refill policy to keep refilling that same soda over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned officer [[Bagget]] to get him out of the store.

Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until their later cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. In their initial appearance, the two manajerks walk up to Chris at his table and tell him that he was loitering and had to get out. Even in his idealized fantasy world where Chris whitewashes everything he does, the comic version of Chris is indeed loitering, and he also initially ignores the two managers trying to talk to him. Upon noticing them, he screams, and then somehow summons a tornado to blow them both away. It should be noted at this point that these two manajerks did not actually attack Chris, or even threaten him, meaning Chris just [[Chris and the Law|assaulted two unarmed normal humans for telling him to leave their store]].

The names of the characters are puzzling. [[Trolls]] speculate that Trebor Capman might actually be an alias for someone called ''Robert'' Capman, given Chris's love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]], and while the origin of Turdijerk's name is somewhat more ambiguous, the two most common theories are that the name was either derived from a stereotype of the Indian accent, (as the character has a vaguely South Asian appearance and his real life counterpart is probably the same), or that the name "Turdijerk" is merely Chris's [[Random-access humor|juvenile sense of humor]] and a way to insult the real life manager by giving him a nickname that sounds like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|"turd"]].

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Merried Seinor Comic detailed fanart.png|Dramatic Rendition.
Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|[[Soul Calibur|Video game recreation]].
Image:Manajerks.jpg|Getting decapitated merely pissed him off.
Image:MSCsavestheday.png|Merried Seinor Comic, stopping the [[autistic]] wonder from [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|procreating]].
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Fashion Square Mall|Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[PVCCitizens]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Walmart|Mal-Wart Region]]
*[[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]]
*[[Target|Get-Tar Region]]
*[[Amanda]]

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Manajerks]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Barbara Chandler

2016-03-21T02:29:16Z

Lysistrata: /* Legal problems */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She threatens to kill me in her episode [sic] of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from Randolph-Henry High School in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the Future Homemakers of America, a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook The Log, and a member of the Spanish Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to her figure.

===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting Cole tries to use big words to impress people - [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, an Internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child. <ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckserville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather stayed in in their old home. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz
</gallery>
</center>

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>[[Cutco]]</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

It appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb too much. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris since then. <ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara has occasionally spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances and shit!!!" Consensus was that the so called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

More recently, Chris has been talking less and less about his surviving parent, so information about how she's doing is scarce. However, what little information we do have suggests that she isn't doing so well. In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. On the occasion that she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass (probably due to her sedentary lifestyle). In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not appear to be very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]], and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "Her time runs out", even though the latter two aren't Barb's children.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might commit suicide, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/> To this day, it is still debated whether she was actually suicidal, or idly threatening suicide for her own gain.

Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be a narcissist, on account of her seemingly baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances when any sane person could see that only they were in the wrong. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating but complex topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also noted by Christorians for her hoarding. Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>, and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the state it has left [[14 Branchland Court|their house]] in, although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms literally inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[January 2014|January 10 2014]], when in the wee hours of the morning, Chris [[Destruction Of Chris's House|started a house fire]] while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Equally unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the fire-fighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless.

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

Five years later, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying debts. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]] [[2016]] when sharp eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. As she must have been outright ignoring her debt for some time for the bank to take her to court over it, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay almost $5000.

==Appearances==
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]
[[File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Barb in a drawing released in [[November 2015]].]]
===In ''Sonichu''===
In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in five videos to date as of [[February 2015]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015.
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage. Buy yours today on [[Etsy]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Chris's birthday

2016-03-12T16:02:22Z

Lysistrata: /* 2016, 34th birthday */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}
[[File:175-SchuBday.jpg|thumb|Best wishes from Sonichu.]]
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his Ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===1999, 17th birthday===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Unsurprising, since it's listed on TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" pages for a reason:

{{quotebox|At a time when LCD games were being phased out and the [[Game Boy]] Color was just about to be released, the ill-conceived Pro 200, made by some unknown company under the name ProTech, was released via mail order, claiming to be a cheap alternative to all the other systems out on the market. The "system" (to say the least) was marketed as to having 200 games, being a full-function calculator and having "state-of-the-art" computer chip technology. In reality, the system had only 15 games (the marketers got the 200 figure by counting each difficulty level as an individual game), most of which were ''Tetris'' rip-offs. The ones that weren't ''Tetris'' rip-offs were just as bad due to the system's ridiculously small screen, much like those cheap products one could find at a bargain bin.}}

He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===2000, 18th birthday===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[Mia Hamm|strip club]]s, no [[Alcohol|booze]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. Even more interestingly, ''Kenan and Kel'''s parent show, ''All That'', featured a ''Vital Information for Your Everyday Life'' sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:

{{Quote|If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a boy and [[Muscle bra|your bra]] is too tight, I'M uncomfortable.|Lori Beth Denberg}}

The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===2003, 21st birthday===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]], Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===2005, 23rd birthday===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News Dash#Chris's 23rd Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===2007, 25th birthday===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===2008, 26th birthday===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her. Chaos ensued.

===2009, 27th birthday===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris and death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in [[Mumble 9]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip]].

===2010, 28th birthday===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#Hey, Vivian — 11 February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===2011, 29th birthday===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the [[Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===2012, 30th birthday===
[[File:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PlayStation Vita]] and a copy of ''Asphalt Injection'' (a racing title that was critically-panned and not as well-received as other ''Asphalt'' games).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===2013, 31st birthday===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting trolling".

===2014, 32nd birthday===
Chris and his mother were staying in their [[Rental House|temporary house]] while [[14 Branchland Court|his home]] was undergoing repairs after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery destruction]]. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his [[LEGO]] [[high school]], watched the Back to the Future movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday]]</ref>

===2015, 33rd birthday===
Chris took to [[Facebook]], asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with ''two'' $70 Bikini Bottom sets - because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he ''may'' reconsider his feelings - it's not guaranteed, but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.

===2016, 34th birthday===
After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. [[2016|This year]], he made an [[Chris and negotiation|"offer"]] to his fanbase: if they sent him a [[PS4]] bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on [[Etsy]]. Whether Chris even ''has'' $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy is an exercise left to the reader.

Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing ([[Update: 2/25/16|in the most lulzy fashion]]) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday <s>boy</s> [[Tomgirl|girl]]. Not only that, but [[Weens|some]] had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in [[CWCVille]] they say - that the Mayor's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]] shrank three sizes that day.

Chris eventually purchased his own PS4 when nobody took him up on his "generous offer", but nonetheless pretended that he'd received it as a gift from an employee of the company he bought it from, in an apparent attempt to troll the trolls and/or rewrite history so he can continue believing that he has a massive <s>[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (comics)|terrorist]] [[Chaotic Combo|organization]]</s> fanbase who love him and would do ''anything'' for him, even if it breaks the law. And sure enough, he's tried to use them for just that, in the past, inciting them to [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|vandalism and even violence]].

Ultimately, many found it simultaneously funny and sad that Chris had to make up his own [[white knight]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14.
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17.
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18.
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19.
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20.
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21.
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22.
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23.
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24.
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25.
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27.<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28.<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29.
File:Christran1.jpg|Age 30.
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31.
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|Age 33.
File:CWC34.png|Age 34.
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day (video)|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

26 December 2014

2016-03-12T15:00:14Z

Lysistrata: /* 5 February Hearing */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly notorious day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise and had been on the lookout for him, as he was already banned from the store. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying unconvincingly, committing further acts of vandalism may indeed have been his real agenda that day. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, which implies that Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at home.

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It later became viral and one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Notably, Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, presumably being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a no-contact order on Chris as part of his bail conditions.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to have been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation were not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was Rocky.

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the PD came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away and raise his arms, probably in an attempt to wipe or rub his now maced eyes. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Ass Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: Chris Chan maces a GameStop Employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|r1QqE9XC8VU}}
| stardate = 18 [[November 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[https://www.lolwutburger.deviantart.com|Lolwutburger]]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow Shirt]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Chris's birthday

2016-03-12T14:44:48Z

Lysistrata: Added years to headings for convenience

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}
[[File:175-SchuBday.jpg|thumb|Best wishes from Sonichu.]]
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his Ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===1999, 17th birthday===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Unsurprising, since it's listed on TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" pages for a reason:

{{quotebox|At a time when LCD games were being phased out and the [[Game Boy]] Color was just about to be released, the ill-conceived Pro 200, made by some unknown company under the name ProTech, was released via mail order, claiming to be a cheap alternative to all the other systems out on the market. The "system" (to say the least) was marketed as to having 200 games, being a full-function calculator and having "state-of-the-art" computer chip technology. In reality, the system had only 15 games (the marketers got the 200 figure by counting each difficulty level as an individual game), most of which were ''Tetris'' rip-offs. The ones that weren't ''Tetris'' rip-offs were just as bad due to the system's ridiculously small screen, much like those cheap products one could find at a bargain bin.}}

He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===2000, 18th birthday===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[Mia Hamm|strip club]]s, no [[Alcohol|booze]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. Even more interestingly, ''Kenan and Kel'''s parent show, ''All That'', featured a ''Vital Information for Your Everyday Life'' sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:

{{Quote|If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a boy and [[Muscle bra|your bra]] is too tight, I'M uncomfortable.|Lori Beth Denberg}}

The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===2003, 21st birthday===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]], Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===2005, 23rd birthday===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News Dash#Chris's 23rd Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===2007, 25th birthday===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===2008, 26th birthday===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her. Chaos ensued.

===2009, 27th birthday===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris and death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in [[Mumble 9]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip]].

===2010, 28th birthday===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#Hey, Vivian — 11 February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===2011, 29th birthday===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the [[Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===2012, 30th birthday===
[[File:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PlayStation Vita]] and a copy of ''Asphalt Injection'' (a racing title that was critically-panned and not as well-received as other ''Asphalt'' games).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===2013, 31st birthday===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting trolling".

===2014, 32nd birthday===
Chris and his mother were staying in their [[Rental House|temporary house]] while [[14 Branchland Court|his home]] was undergoing repairs after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery destruction]]. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his [[LEGO]] [[high school]], watched the Back to the Future movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday]]</ref>

===2015, 33rd birthday===
Chris took to [[Facebook]], asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with ''two'' $70 Bikini Bottom sets - because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he ''may'' reconsider his feelings - it's not guaranteed, but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.

===2016, 34th birthday===
After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. [[2016|This year]], he made an [[Chris and negotiation|"offer"]] to his fanbase: if they sent him a [[PS4]] bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on [[Etsy]]. Whether Chris even ''has'' $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy is an exercise left to the reader.

Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing ([[Update: 2/25/16|in the most lulzy fashion]]) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday <s>boy</s> [[Tomgirl|girl]]. Not only that, but [[Weens|some]] had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in [[CWCVille]] they say - that the Mayor's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]] shrank three sizes that day.

Chris eventually purchased his own PS4 when nobody took him up on his "generous offer", but nonetheless pretended that he'd received it as a gift from an employee of the company he bought it from, in an apparent attempt to troll the trolls. Instead, many found it simultaneously funny and sad that Chris had to make up his own [[white knight]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14.
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17.
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18.
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19.
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20.
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21.
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22.
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23.
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24.
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25.
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27.<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28.<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29.
File:Christran1.jpg|Age 30.
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31.
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|Age 33.
File:CWC34.png|Age 34.
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day (video)|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Chris's birthday

2016-03-12T14:36:48Z

Lysistrata: /* 34th */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}
[[File:175-SchuBday.jpg|thumb|Best wishes from Sonichu.]]
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his Ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Unsurprising, since it's listed on TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" pages for a reason:

{{quotebox|At a time when LCD games were being phased out and the [[Game Boy]] Color was just about to be released, the ill-conceived Pro 200, made by some unknown company under the name ProTech, was released via mail order, claiming to be a cheap alternative to all the other systems out on the market. The "system" (to say the least) was marketed as to having 200 games, being a full-function calculator and having "state-of-the-art" computer chip technology. In reality, the system had only 15 games (the marketers got the 200 figure by counting each difficulty level as an individual game), most of which were ''Tetris'' rip-offs. The ones that weren't ''Tetris'' rip-offs were just as bad due to the system's ridiculously small screen, much like those cheap products one could find at a bargain bin.}}

He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[Mia Hamm|strip club]]s, no [[Alcohol|booze]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. Even more interestingly, ''Kenan and Kel'''s parent show, ''All That'', featured a ''Vital Information for Your Everyday Life'' sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:

{{Quote|If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a boy and [[Muscle bra|your bra]] is too tight, I'M uncomfortable.|Lori Beth Denberg}}

The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===21st===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]], Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News Dash#Chris's 23rd Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===26th===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her. Chaos ensued.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris and death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in [[Mumble 9]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#Hey, Vivian — 11 February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the [[Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[File:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PlayStation Vita]] and a copy of ''Asphalt Injection'' (a racing title that was critically-panned and not as well-received as other ''Asphalt'' games).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===31st===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting trolling".

===32nd===
Chris and his mother were staying in their [[Rental House|temporary house]] while [[14 Branchland Court|his home]] was undergoing repairs after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery destruction]]. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his [[LEGO]] [[high school]], watched the Back to the Future movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday]]</ref>

===33rd===
Chris took to [[Facebook]], asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with ''two'' $70 Bikini Bottom sets - because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he ''may'' reconsider his feelings - it's not guaranteed, but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.

===34th===
After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. [[2016|This year]], he made an [[Chris and negotiation|"offer"]] to his fanbase: if they sent him a [[PS4]] bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on [[Etsy]]. Whether Chris even ''has'' $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy is an exercise left to the reader.

Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing ([[Update: 2/25/16|in the most lulzy fashion]]) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday <s>boy</s> [[Tomgirl|girl]]. Not only that, but [[Weens|some]] had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in [[CWCVille]] they say - that the Mayor's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]] shrank three sizes that day.

Chris eventually purchased his own PS4 when nobody took him up on his "generous offer", but nonetheless pretended that he'd received it as a gift from an employee of the company he bought it from, in an apparent attempt to troll the trolls. Instead, many found it simultaneously funny and sad that Chris had to make up his own [[white knight]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14.
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17.
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18.
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19.
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20.
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21.
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22.
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23.
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24.
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25.
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27.<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28.<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29.
File:Christran1.jpg|Age 30.
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31.
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|Age 33.
File:CWC34.png|Age 34.
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day (video)|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Update: 2/25/16

2016-03-10T12:56:50Z

Lysistrata:

"'''Update: 2/25/16'''" was, unsurprisingly, uploaded by [[Chris]] on 25 [[February 2016]] (one day after [[Christian Love Day|he turned 34]]).

His attempt to get people to buy a [[Sony|PS4]] for him predictably failed; instead, people sent him several gift cards with no money on them (as well as a non-winning lottery ticket, which some have said is a perfect metaphor for Chris's life). He complains about not getting what he wanted like a [[Borb|spoilt child]], even ending the video with a petulant "thanks for nothing".

What caught many Christorians off guard was that Chris seems to have [[Chris and his ego|seriously]] [[Chris and reality|expected]] a stranger to throw hundreds of dollars at him for no reason other than that it was his birthday and he asked for it, with such confidence he would be obliged that not receiving a PS4 seems to have [[Crash into slumber|shocked him into a depressive state]]. These implicit assumptions are troubling as they indicate that months of receiving payments of as much as $1000 in exchange for little to no effort on his part have only worsened his already devastating entitlement issues. In light of this, there is perhaps no greater gift anyone could have given Chris this year than nothing at all.

He also seems to have taken [[CatKnight Interview 3|Arthur Spatchcock's advice]], and gave the fans the official voices of cartoon-adapted [[Comic Chris|Comic Christine]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] within this video. Finally the fans know what Sonichu's real voice is, and of course, it's pretty much Chris', but somehow even more [[Slow-in-the-minds|dumb]].

He also gets mad at ''[[South Park]]: The Stick of Truth'' because Cartman repeatedly calls the player character a "douchebag" (which Chris [[Autism|takes as a personal insult]]) - ignoring the fact that Cartman has always been characterized as an [[Chris|obnoxious jackass]], and that this is far from the worst thing he has done (c.f. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Tenorman_Must_Die "Scott Tenorman Must Die"], which [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails#Aftermath|he has referenced before]]).

[[Random-access humor]] and [[Donald Duck impersonation|horrible impersonations]] also return, most of which are curtailed from [[CWC 3D Voice Check|two of]] [[Cheesy!|his old]] [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] (with the exception of Bing Bong from ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inside_Out_%282015_film%29 Inside Out]'').

==Description==
{{Quotebox|Watch, Subscribe, and Watch again for more videos, Only on Cwcville Guardian: the Official and Authentic Source for a lot about Sonichu, as well as the author herself, Christine Weston Chandler.

Voucher for Destiny White PS4 Bundle (no PS4 Camera required) Offer extended to March 5, 2016.

[[Etsy|http://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShop...]]

Coupon Code: FEB241982

Free Sonichu #4 Book with purchase of CWC Figure(s) (see earlier video for details; Expires March 17, 2016)}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update: 2/25/16
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-xm2o4rDrmg}}
| stardate = 25 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = Pink T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 02/16/2016]]
| next = [[Chris's Specimen Sample]]
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
''[Chris drops something on his desk as the video starts. Worth noting is that both the [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[Sonichu Amiibo|amiibo]] are on his desk.]''

Hello, and welcome to another day... 'ere on the CwcvilleGuardian channel... ''[sigh]'' Christine Chandler here... alright, so... Mm. ''[Chris begins fiddling with his glasses]'' Aight, so yesterday was my 34th birthday... um... I ''have'' re''ceived''... and I... do ''not'' pro''mote'' such dishonesty... Gift cards that have... no activation... and no value or money on them at all. And also, I have received... another... piece of mail. This one had... a scratched-off lottery ticket that was ''not''--that was clearly not a winner. ''[Chris licks his lips]'' Alright?

And I certainly did not receive a PlayStation 4 console... [[Chris and English|even much less]] the white one with the ''Destiny'' game and all that... Still, I move forward, so... mm.

''[Chris reaches for something off-camera]''

But let's do something different today!

''[Chris pulls back, revealing he was reaching for [[Sonichu Amiibo#Custom Post 2011 Christine Weston Chandler Amiibo Figure (from Original Creator)|his tomgirl self-insert amiibo]].]''

Okay, a little voice acting.

''[Chris grabs all three of the amiibo on his desk, then sets Rosechu down.]''

Alright, so it's a cartoon series, I would definitely be voicing myself and Sonichu, and this is what he'd sound like--mm.

''[Chris rocks the figures back and forth as they "speak".]''

'''Christine:''' Hey, Sonichu, what's new?

'''Sonichu:''' ''[sounding like Chris's regular voice, only slightly higher pitched]'' Hey, mama, whatchu ''know?'' I'm doing OK with my wife, Rosey. ''[Chris slides her figure slightly closer to the others.]''

'''Rosechu:''' ''[in falsetto]'' Hello!

''[Chris breaks character for a moment]''

I'd get a femal-- I'd get a fem... woman to voice Rosechu for real. I don't know, somebody that sounds like... or similar ''to''... I dunno maybe, [[Britney Spears]] or... Katy Perry, or... hell, Meghan Trainor. I like her voice too. Mm.

''[Chris resumes voice acting]''

'''Christine:''' ''Ennnh'' yeah, yesterday was my [[birthday]]! So... I had low expectations for it, and I didn't get much about it... except... pretty much... birthday greetings, word of mouth, AND I had to buy my own cupcakes!

'''Sonichu:''' ''[Chris's regular voice]'' Oh that's a sha-- ''[slips back into "Sonichu" voice]'' Ohhh that's a shame, man! Mom! That's a shame, mom! Enh... Oh well! You get older, you find that people are not gonna care... as much about ya.

'''Christine:''' Enh... They only care about you on your own... ''[Chris slams figure of himself face first into desk]'' death bed. ''[flips figure to lie face up on desk, starts spinning it around]'' So that's ''anurr'' year on the old odometer. ''[inhales somewhat disgustedly, picks figure of himself upright again, and starts screeching while wobbling figure back and forth]''

'''Sonichu:''' ''[unintelligible, though clearly adding to Christine's screeching]''

'''Christine:''' ''[more screeching]''

''[licks lips as he finishes voice acting]''

Yeah. ''[blows a soft, sad raspberry]''

Hmm. Alright, um... also, um, those of you who have been watching my [[Playstation Network]] activity, you'd notice I've ha-had to go through my whole disk library once again, just because I've ended up having to... reformat my hard drive... after I... because of a corrupted... ''firmware file'' on it, that's... upsetting, but I've got that settled and fixed and... all the... games have been reinstalled and the DLC re-downloaded and everything, so... mm, ''[dissolves to gibberish]'' meh bdep blep bleh.

''[sigh]''

And yet, still no PS... 4! 'Cause I need to... catch back up! In the technology and everything. ''[sigh]'' Although, last night I did pu-- I did, uh-- I had-- already had purchased it on current, a copy of South Park: Stick of Truth. It's pretty good... the onl-- my only d-- the only downside that I really... did not like was, uh... actually two things. Could not be a girl! So I had to make the ''boy'' look like a girl. So that's one way of promoting being a transwoman. You dress up the new kid as a girl! And that wor-- And that works out. Mm.

And then also-- second part, I really... don't-- I really do not care for Cartman's attitude as well... and... it's not funny at all. ''[stammers]'' Y-yo-eh... You-- I enter my name as the character name, and get-- then he calls me... "Douchebag!" ''[shakes head disapprovingly]'' Seriously, Cartman... ''[raises voice, noticeably agitated]'' I'm the player! I'm gonna make progress in this game! ''[starts bashing figure of himself against desk as he rants]'' So don't you dare call me... a ''douchebag''! ''[slams figure one last time, pauses seeming to calm down]''

Ehh, well... ''[exhales frustratedly through pursed lips]'' and y'know... meanwhile... what else? ''[struggles to think of topics to discuss]'' What else, what else? ''[small sigh]'' Ahh, what else? ''[pause]'' What else?

I don't know much else, my brain's gone blank. Unngh... I have so much inside if-- built, poked[?] and pent up to my life, so it's no wonder my mind is constantl-- is constantly off and on blank. ''[blows small raspberry]''

Enngh... I'm sorry I can't b-- I'm sorry I'm... not so funny, but... if I ca-- if I don't feel it, then it just doesn't come up... as easily.

Oh well! In a trial of being funny... [playful voice] And now for some [[Random Access Humor|random, silly things]]!

''[pause as he thinks]''

Hey look, a monkey. Hi, monkey! Aaaaaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane![?]

''[Chris repeats it, because it was so good the first time]''

Hi, monkey! Aaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane!

''[long pause]''

It's plays out better in my head. It doesn't actually have characters.

Ehh, what else is there? Alright... well redoing vocal impressions.

And now here's Cheese from [[wikipedia:Foster's_Home_for_Imaginary_Friends|''Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends'']]:

''[grating, nasally voice]'' I like chocolate milk! Tinkle tinkle in the car, you should really use a jar! Prizes![?] I like cereal! I'm not a tampon! My name is Cheese! Do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again!

[lower voice] Autobots! Transform, and roll out! Ffff--

[restrained voice] I'm Meatwad, a ball of meat. Ffff--

[nasally voice, similar to last one] Egegegegegegegegeg. I speak Spanish, every day! Ffff--

[silly voice] Stop in the name of the law! Sorry about that chief!

[lower silly voice] [[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Idiots!]] ''[raspberry, starts singing tune]'' Nununununununununununununu.

[sings different tune] Bing Bong, Bing Bong, who's the friend that likes to play? ''[picks up figures and dances them around the desk]'' Bing Bong, Bing Bong, nanananananana! Bing Bong, Bing Bong, entertainment value! Bing Bong, Bing Bong... ''[peters out, keeps dancing figures around for a bit]''

Alright, well anyway... subscribe! Subscribe to my channel to get updates on... well, me, Sonichu, my store on [[Etsy]], Cwcville Shopping... and, uh... everything else nearly related, ''ourgh''-- or of interest.

''[sigh]''

I'm stuck in a... moody mode, so... oh well. Right, so... thanks for the mail and then... [[Chris and his ego|thanks for nothing]]! Alright. Well, be another update... in about a week or s-- week or... give or take. Have a good day, thank you.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Update: 2/25/16

2016-03-01T11:58:16Z

Lysistrata:

"'''Update: 2/25/16'''" was, unsurprisingly, uploaded by [[Chris]] on 25 [[February 2016]] (one day after [[Christian Love Day|he turned 34]]).

His attempt to get people to buy a [[Sony|PS4]] for him predictably failed; instead, people sent him several gift cards with no money on them (as well as a non-winning lottery ticket, which some have said is a perfect metaphor for Chris's life). Instead of being grateful that people sent him anything at all, he instead whines about not getting what he wanted like a [[Borb|spoilt child]], even ending the video with a petulant "thanks for nothing".

What caught many Christorians off guard was that Chris seems to have [[Chris and his ego|seriously]] [[Chris and reality|expected]] a stranger to throw hundreds of dollars at him for no reason other than that it was his birthday and he asked for it, with such confidence he would be obliged that not receiving a PS4 seems to have [[Crash into slumber|shocked him into a depressive state]]. These implicit assumptions are troubling as they indicate that months of receiving payments of as much as $1000 in exchange for little to no effort on his part have only worsened his already devastating entitlement issues. In light of this, there is perhaps no greater gift anyone could have given Chris this year than nothing at all.

He also seems to have taken [[CatKnight Interview 3|Arthur Spatchcock's advice]], and gave the fans the official voices of cartoon-adapted [[Comic Chris|Comic Christine]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] within this video. Finally the fans know what Sonichu's real voice is, and of course, it's pretty much Chris', but somehow even more [[Slow-in-the-minds|dumb]].

He also gets mad at ''[[South Park]]: The Stick of Truth'' because Cartman repeatedly calls the player character a "douchebag" (which Chris [[Autism|takes as a personal insult]]) - ignoring the fact that Cartman has always been characterized as an [[Chris|obnoxious jackass]], and that this is far from the worst thing he has done (c.f. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Tenorman_Must_Die "Scott Tenorman Must Die"], which [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails#Aftermath|he has referenced before]]).

[[Random-access humor]] and [[Donald Duck impersonation|horrible impersonations]] also return, most of which are curtailed from [[CWC 3D Voice Check|two of]] [[Cheesy!|his old]] [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] (with the exception of Bing Bong from ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inside_Out_%282015_film%29 Inside Out]'').

==Description==
{{Quotebox|Watch, Subscribe, and Watch again for more videos, Only on Cwcville Guardian: the Official and Authentic Source for a lot about Sonichu, as well as the author herself, Christine Weston Chandler.

Voucher for Destiny White PS4 Bundle (no PS4 Camera required) Offer extended to March 5, 2016.

[[Etsy|http://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShop...]]

Coupon Code: FEB241982

Free Sonichu #4 Book with purchase of CWC Figure(s) (see earlier video for details; Expires March 17, 2016)}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update: 2/25/16
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-xm2o4rDrmg}}
| stardate = 25 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = Pink T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 02/16/2016]]
| next = [[Jeff is Beyond Denounced.]]
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
''[Chris drops something on his desk as the video starts. Worth noting is that both the [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[Sonichu Amiibo|amiibo]] are on his desk.]''

Hello, and welcome to another day... 'ere on the CwcvilleGuardian channel... ''[sigh]'' Christine Chandler here... alright, so... Mm. ''[Chris begins fiddling with his glasses]'' Aight, so yesterday was my 34th birthday... um... I ''have'' re''ceived''... and I... do ''not'' pro''mote'' such dishonesty... Gift cards that have... no activation... and no value or money on them at all. And also, I have received... another... piece of mail. This one had... a scratched-off lottery ticket that was ''not''--that was clearly not a winner. ''[Chris licks his lips]'' Alright?

And I certainly did not receive a PlayStation 4 console... [[Chris and English|even much less]] the white one with the ''Destiny'' game and all that... Still, I move forward, so... mm.

''[Chris reaches for something off-camera]''

But let's do something different today!

''[Chris pulls back, revealing he was reaching for [[Sonichu Amiibo#Custom Post 2011 Christine Weston Chandler Amiibo Figure (from Original Creator)|his tomgirl self-insert amiibo]].]''

Okay, a little voice acting.

''[Chris grabs all three of the amiibo on his desk, then sets Rosechu down.]''

Alright, so it's a cartoon series, I would definitely be voicing myself and Sonichu, and this is what he'd sound like--mm.

''[Chris rocks the figures back and forth as they "speak".]''

'''Christine:''' Hey, Sonichu, what's new?

'''Sonichu:''' ''[sounding like Chris's regular voice, only slightly higher pitched]'' Hey, mama, whatchu ''know?'' I'm doing OK with my wife, Rosey. ''[Chris slides her figure slightly closer to the others.]''

'''Rosechu:''' ''[in falsetto]'' Hello!

''[Chris breaks character for a moment]''

I'd get a femal-- I'd get a fem... woman to voice Rosechu for real. I don't know, somebody that sounds like... or similar ''to''... I dunno maybe, [[Britney Spears]] or... Katy Perry, or... hell, Meghan Trainor. I like her voice too. Mm.

''[Chris resumes voice acting]''

'''Christine:''' ''Ennnh'' yeah, yesterday was my [[birthday]]! So... I had low expectations for it, and I didn't get much about it... except... pretty much... birthday greetings, word of mouth, AND I had to buy my own cupcakes!

'''Sonichu:''' ''[Chris's regular voice]'' Oh that's a sha-- ''[slips back into "Sonichu" voice]'' Ohhh that's a shame, man! Mom! That's a shame, mom! Enh... Oh well! You get older, you find that people are not gonna care... as much about ya.

'''Christine:''' Enh... They only care about you on your own... ''[Chris slams figure of himself face first into desk]'' death bed. ''[flips figure to lie face up on desk, starts spinning it around]'' So that's ''anurr'' year on the old odometer. ''[inhales somewhat disgustedly, picks figure of himself upright again, and starts screeching while wobbling figure back and forth]''

'''Sonichu:''' ''[unintelligible, though clearly adding to Christine's screeching]''

'''Christine:''' ''[more screeching]''

''[licks lips as he finishes voice acting]''

Yeah. ''[blows a soft, sad raspberry]''

Hmm. Alright, um... also, um, those of you who have been watching my [[Playstation Network]] activity, you'd notice I've ha-had to go through my whole disk library once again, just because I've ended up having to... reformat my hard drive... after I... because of a corrupted... ''firmware file'' on it, that's... upsetting, but I've got that settled and fixed and... all the... games have been reinstalled and the DLC re-downloaded and everything, so... mm, ''[dissolves to gibberish]'' meh bdep blep bleh.

''[sigh]''

And yet, still no PS... 4! 'Cause I need to... catch back up! In the technology and everything. ''[sigh]'' Although, last night I did pu-- I did, uh-- I had-- already had purchased it on current, a copy of South Park: Stick of Truth. It's pretty good... the onl-- my only d-- the only downside that I really... did not like was, uh... actually two things. Could not be a girl! So I had to make the ''boy'' look like a girl. So that's one way of promoting being a transwoman. You dress up the new kid as a girl! And that wor-- And that works out. Mm.

And then also-- second part, I really... don't-- I really do not care for Cartman's attitude as well... and... it's not funny at all. ''[stammers]'' Y-yo-eh... You-- I enter my name as the character name, and get-- then he calls me... "Douchebag!" ''[shakes head disapprovingly]'' Seriously, Cartman... ''[raises voice, noticeably agitated]'' I'm the player! I'm gonna make progress in this game! ''[starts bashing figure of himself against desk as he rants]'' So don't you dare call me... a ''douchebag''! ''[slams figure one last time, pauses seeming to calm down]''

Ehh, well... ''[exhales frustratedly through pursed lips]'' and y'know... meanwhile... what else? ''[struggles to think of topics to discuss]'' What else, what else? ''[small sigh]'' Ahh, what else? ''[pause]'' What else?

I don't know much else, my brain's gone blank. Unngh... I have so much inside if-- built, poked[?] and pent up to my life, so it's no wonder my mind is constantl-- is constantly off and on blank. ''[blows small raspberry]''

Enngh... I'm sorry I can't b-- I'm sorry I'm... not so funny, but... if I ca-- if I don't feel it, then it just doesn't come up... as easily.

Oh well! In a trial of being funny... [playful voice] And now for some [[Random Access Humor|random, silly things]]!

''[pause as he thinks]''

Hey look, a monkey. Hi, monkey! Aaaaaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane![?]

''[Chris repeats it, because it was so good the first time]''

Hi, monkey! Aaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane!

''[long pause]''

It's plays out better in my head. It doesn't actually have characters.

Ehh, what else is there? Alright... well redoing vocal impressions.

And now here's Cheese from [[wikipedia:Foster's_Home_for_Imaginary_Friends|''Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends'']]:

''[grating, nasally voice]'' I like chocolate milk! Tinkle tinkle in the car, you should really use a jar! Prizes![?] I like cereal! I'm not a tampon! My name is Cheese! Do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again!

[lower voice] Autobots! Transform, and roll out! Ffff--

[restrained voice] I'm Meatwad, a ball of meat. Ffff--

[nasally voice, similar to last one] Egegegegegegegegeg. I speak Spanish, every day! Ffff--

[silly voice] Stop in the name of the law! Sorry about that chief!

[lower silly voice] [[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Idiots!]] ''[raspberry, starts singing tune]'' Nununununununununununununu.

[sings different tune] Bing Bong, Bing Bong, who's the friend that likes to play? ''[picks up figures and dances them around the desk]'' Bing Bong, Bing Bong, nanananananana! Bing Bong, Bing Bong, entertainment value! Bing Bong, Bing Bong... ''[peters out, keeps dancing figures around for a bit]''

Alright, well anyway... subscribe! Subscribe to my channel to get updates on... well, me, Sonichu, my store on [[Etsy]], Cwcville Shopping... and, uh... everything else nearly related, ''ourgh''-- or of interest.

''[sigh]''

I'm stuck in a... moody mode, so... oh well. Right, so... thanks for the mail and then... [[Chris and his ego|thanks for nothing]]! Alright. Well, be another update... in about a week or s-- week or... give or take. Have a good day, thank you.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Weens

2016-02-29T05:12:40Z

Lysistrata:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Are you 6-years-old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler]] outsmarting a ween attempting to [[prank call]] Chris.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Log]]s, '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[Random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a failed prank call will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening Consists Of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]

* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calling Chris. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" or "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]/[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|SOMETHING]]!" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the two often overlap. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his terminally unfunny "commentaries" on Chris.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pages]] [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|with]] random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him ([[Megan]], [[Cole]], [[the Wallflower]], etc.) and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' and ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris. Double dumbass points for making excuses like it being a demo, claiming you had a sore throat that day, or both.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], such as vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or even death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]

Now, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who still think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not choose a better victim? As much as the CWCki analyses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris doesn't even come ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-nazis]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Barb|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Angelica Rosechu|religious zealots]], [[My Little Pony|zoophiles]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan|malware writers]], [[JuggaloShoutOut|gang]] [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|members]], and many other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit who the trollbait is as long as you get [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into navigating around his paranoia and autistic sensibilities would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been exhausted, except the shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, you'll be hard-pressed not to get cobwebs and dust in return. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
Most of the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. [[BlueSpike]] never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as just a YouTube nobody who was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to [[Holding Out for a Hero|latch onto her so hard]].

Ask any of Chris's seasoned trolls, and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. On one hand, he completely shrugged off "Blanca" stealing and destroying the original medallions, even though the trolls behind Blanca had predicted he'd rage like nothing before. Conversely, he has also [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log himself.

===The Chris of today is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, since then Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for a distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time, all of them claiming to be the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Megan and telling him not to believe the others.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' In short, you're wasting your time trying to rehash older trolling events, because we've all seen it before; more importantly, so has Chris, so he probably knows where you're going with it, too.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Chris is at his most productive when he believes he has lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loves him. Most agree that weenery is detrimental to this strange, symbiotic relationship, and it is considered to be one of the causes of the slump in content between 2011 and 2014. In that time, Chris entered a hiatus as a result of a combination of mourning for his [[Bob|recently deceased father]], and a constant stream of weenery over the years that made him think of himself as a victim who wouldn't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he became far more private, meaning barely any content for us. Only recently has he re-emerged from this hiatus.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content when left to his own devices. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on someone he hasn't spoken to for years, [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]], and eventually continued working on the previously-unfinished [[Sonichu #11]] again; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' textbook example of trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had simply toned down the vitriol enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included homemade yiff fanfiction featuring a tellingly [[duck|moderately-endowed]] fox OC, a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography, and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around attacking Chris and what the radio was playing at the time--before a crowd who, judging by their reaction, had never even heard of Chris.

By the same token, obsessive and excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging on the front.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of on the internet as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] mass debate for hours on end and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass, all at the age of 13.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] appreciates seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the drought in content between 2011 and 2014 was because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would have had a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude had Chris still been making frequent videos. A lot happened in that time, although you wouldn't know it from his near-invisible updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, launched a [[Sonic Boom Protests|dogged, one-man crusade against]] [[Omar Woodley]] and the blue-armed bandit, and was arrested again as a result of it. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; if Chris had been as enthusiastic for 24/7 content creation as he has been both before and since then, we'd have been utterly spoiled. While he eventually began making videos again in [[November 2015]], the staggering amount of missed opportunities still remains.

Honestly, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris unexpectedly spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unfettered by and probably unaware of the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" Even without active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[Main Page|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Weens

2016-02-27T15:39:01Z

Lysistrata: /* Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Are you 6-years-old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler]] outsmarting a ween attempting to [[prank call]] Chris.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Log]]s, '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[Random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a failed prank call will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening Consists Of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]

* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calling Chris. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" or "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]/[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|SOMETHING]]!" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the two often overlap. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his terminally unfunny "commentaries" on Chris.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pages]] [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|with]] random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him ([[Megan]], [[Cole]], [[the Wallflower]], etc.) and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' and ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris. Double dumbass points for making excuses like it being a demo, claiming you had a sore throat that day, or both.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], such as vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or even death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]

Now, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who still think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not choose a better victim? As much as the CWCki examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris doesn't even come ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-nazis]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Barb|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Angelica Rosechu|religious zealots]], [[My Little Pony|zoophiles]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan|malware writers]], [[JuggaloShoutOut|gang]] [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|members]], and many other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get Laughs Under Lucricities, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been exhausted, except perhaps the shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, you'll be hard-pressed not to get cobwebs and dust in return. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. [[BlueSpike]] never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who had a YouTube celebrity as a brother; then, he discovered he was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to [[Holding Out for a Hero|latch onto her so hard]].

Ask any of Chris's seasoned trolls, and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. On one hand, he completely shrugged off "Blanca"'s theft and destruction of the original medallions, when it had been predicted he'd rage like nothing before. Conversely, has also [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit with the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log.

===The Chris of today is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time, all of them claiming to be the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Megan and telling him not to believe the others.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' In short, you're wasting your time trying to rehash older trolling events, because we've all seen it before; more importantly, so has Chris, so he probably knows where you're going with it, too.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Chris is at his most productive when he believes he has lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loves him. Most agree that weenery is detrimental to this strange, symbiotic relationship; between 2011 and 2014, Chris entered a hiatus as a result of a combination of mourning for his [[Bob|recently deceased father]], and a constant stream of weenery over the years that made him think of himself as a victim who wouldn't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he became far more private, meaning barely any content for us. Only recently has he re-emerged from this hiatus.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content of his own accord, without any input from trolls or weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on someone he hasn't spoken to for years, [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]], and eventually continued working on the previously-unfinished [[Sonichu #11]] again; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had either simply toned down the vitriol, or at the very least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included homemade yiff fanfiction featuring a tellingly [[duck|moderately-endowed]] fox OC, a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography stashed [[Mass debating|for fetishistic reasons]], and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around attacking Chris and what the radio was playing at the time--before a crowd who, judging by their reaction, had never even heard of Chris.

By the same token, obsessive and excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging on the front.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of on the internet as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] mass debate for hours on end and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass, all at the age of 13.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] appreciates seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the drought in content between 2011 and 2014 was because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would have had a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude had Chris still been making frequent videos. A lot happened in that time, although you wouldn't know it from his near-invisible updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, launched a [[Sonic Boom Protests|dogged, one-man crusade against]] [[Omar Woodley]] and the blue-armed bandit, and was arrested again as a result of it. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; if Chris had been as enthusiastic for 24/7 content creation as he has been both before and since then, we'd have been utterly spoiled. While he eventually began making videos again in [[November 2015]], the staggering amount of missed opportunities still remains.

Honestly, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris unexpectedly spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unfettered by and probably unaware of the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" Even without active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[Main Page|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Weens

2016-02-27T15:36:19Z

Lysistrata: Updating/streamlining

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Are you 6-years-old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler]] outsmarting a ween attempting to [[prank call]] Chris.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Log]]s, '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[Random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a failed prank call will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening Consists Of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]

* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calling Chris. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" or "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]/[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|SOMETHING]]!" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the two often overlap. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his terminally unfunny "commentaries" on Chris.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pages]] [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|with]] random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him ([[Megan]], [[Cole]], [[the Wallflower]], etc.) and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' and ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris. Double dumbass points for making excuses like it being a demo, claiming you had a sore throat that day, or both.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], such as vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or even death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]

Now, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who still think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not choose a better victim? As much as the CWCki examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris doesn't even come ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-nazis]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Barb|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Angelica Rosechu|religious zealots]], [[My Little Pony|zoophiles]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan|malware writers]], [[JuggaloShoutOut|gang]] [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|members]], and many other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get Laughs Under Lucricities, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been exhausted, except perhaps the shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, you'll be hard-pressed not to get cobwebs and dust in return. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. [[BlueSpike]] never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who had a YouTube celebrity as a brother; then, he discovered he was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to [[Holding Out for a Hero|latch onto her so hard]].

Ask any of Chris's seasoned trolls, and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. On one hand, he completely shrugged off "Blanca"'s theft and destruction of the original medallions, when it had been predicted he'd rage like nothing before. Conversely, has also [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit with the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log.

===The Chris of today is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time, all of them claiming to be the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Megan and telling him not to believe the others.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' In short, you're wasting your time trying to rehash older trolling events, because we've all seen it before; more importantly, so has Chris, so he probably knows where you're going with it, too.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Chris is at his most productive when he believes he has lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loves him. Most agree that weenery is detrimental to this strange, symbiotic relationship; between 2011 and 2014, Chris entered a hiatus as a result of a combination of mourning for his [[Bob|recently deceased father]], and a constant stream of weenery over the years that made him think of himself as a victim who wouldn't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he became far more private, meaning barely any content for us. Only recently has he re-emerged from this hiatus.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content of his own accord, without any input from trolls or weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on someone he hasn't spoken to for years, [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]], and eventually continued working on the previously-unfinished [[Sonichu #11]] again; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had either simply toned down the vitriol, or at the very least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included homemade yiff fanfiction featuring a tellingly [[duck|moderately-endowed]] fox OC, a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography stashed [[Mass debating|for fetishistic reasons]], and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around attacking Chris and what the radio was playing at the time--before a crowd who, judging by their reaction, had never even heard of Chris.

By the same token, obsessive and excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging on the front.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of on the internet as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] mass debate for hours on end and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass, all at the age of 13.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] appreciates seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the drought in content between 2011 and 2014 was because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would have had a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude had Chris still been making frequent videos. A lot happened in that time, although you wouldn't know it from his near-invisible updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, launched a [[Sonic Boom Protests|dogged, one-man crusade against]] [[Omar Woodley]] and the blue-armed bandit, and was arrested again as a result of it. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; if Chris had been as his enthusiastic for 24/7 content creation as he has been both before and since then, we'd have been utterly spoiled. While he eventually began making videos again in [[November 2015]], the staggering amount of missed opportunities still remains.

Honestly, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris unexpectedly spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unfettered by and probably unaware of the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" Even without active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[Main Page|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Chris's birthday

2016-02-27T14:37:33Z

Lysistrata: /* 34th */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}
[[File:175-SchuBday.jpg|thumb|Best wishes from Sonichu.]]
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his Ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Unsurprising, since it's listed on TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" pages for a reason:

{{quotebox|At a time when LCD games were being phased out and the [[Game Boy]] Color was just about to be released, the ill-conceived Pro 200, made by some unknown company under the name ProTech, was released via mail order, claiming to be a cheap alternative to all the other systems out on the market. The "system" (to say the least) was marketed as to having 200 games, being a full-function calculator and having "state-of-the-art" computer chip technology. In reality, the system had only 15 games (the marketers got the 200 figure by counting each difficulty level as an individual game), most of which were ''Tetris'' rip-offs. The ones that weren't ''Tetris'' rip-offs were just as bad due to the system's ridiculously small screen, much like those cheap products one could find at a bargain bin.}}

He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[Mia Hamm|strip club]]s, no [[Alcohol|booze]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. Even more interestingly, ''Kenan and Kel'''s parent show, ''All That'', featured a ''Vital Information for Your Everyday Life'' sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:

{{Quote|If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a boy and [[Muscle bra|your bra]] is too tight, I'M uncomfortable.|Lori Beth Denberg}}

The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===21st===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]], Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News Dash#Chris's 23rd Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===26th===
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on February 24 [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her. Chaos ensued.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris and death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in [[Mumble 9]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#Hey, Vivian — 11 February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the [[Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[File:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PlayStation Vita]] and a copy of ''Asphalt Injection'' (a racing title that was critically-panned and not as well-received as other ''Asphalt'' games).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===31st===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting trolling".

===32nd===
Chris and his mother were staying in their [[Rental House|temporary house]] while [[14 Branchland Court|his home]] was undergoing repairs after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery destruction]]. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his [[LEGO]] [[high school]], watched the Back to the Future movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday]]</ref>

===33rd===
Chris took to [[Facebook]], asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with ''two'' $70 Bikini Bottom sets - because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he ''may'' reconsider his feelings - it's not guaranteed, but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.

===34th===
After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. [[2016|This year]], he made an [[Chris and negotiation|"offer"]] to his fanbase: if they sent him a PS4 bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on [[Etsy]]. Whether Chris even ''has'' $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy is an exercise left to the reader.

Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing ([[Update: 2/25/16|in the most lulzy fashion]]) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday <s>boy</s> [[Tomgirl|girl]]. Not only that, but [[Weens|some]] had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in [[CWCVille]] they say - that the Mayor's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]] shrank three sizes that day.

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14.
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17.
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18.
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19.
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20.
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21.
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22.
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23.
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24.
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25.
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27.<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28.<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29.
File:Christran1.jpg|Age 30.
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31.
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|Age 33.
File:CWC34.png|Age 34.
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day (video)|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Update: 2/25/16

2016-02-27T14:07:38Z

Lysistrata:

"'''Update: 2/25/16'''" was, unsurprisingly, uploaded by [[Chris]] on 25 [[February 2016]] (one day after [[Christian Love Day|he turned 34]]).

His attempt to get people to buy a [[Sony|PS4]] for him predictably failed; instead, people sent him several unactivated gift cards. Instead of being grateful that people sent him anything at all, he instead whines about not getting what he wanted with all the grace of a [[Borb|spoilt child]], even ending the video with a petulant "thanks for nothing".

What caught many Christorians off guard was that Chris seems to have [[Chris and his ego|seriously]] [[Autism|expected]] a stranger to throw hundreds of dollars at him for no reason other than that it was his birthday and he asked, with such apparent surety that not receiving a PS4 seems to have [[Crash into slumber|shocked him into a depressive state]]. These implicit assumptions are troubling as they indicate that months of receiving payments of as much as $1000 in exchange for little to no effort on his part have only worsened his already devastating entitlement issues. In light of this, there is perhaps no greater gift anyone could have given Chris this year than nothing at all.

He also seems to have taken [[CatKnight Interview 3|Arthur Spatchcock's advice]], and gave the fans the official voices of cartoon-adapted [[Comic Chris|Comic Christine]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] within this video. Finally the fans know what Sonichu's real voice is, and of course, it's pretty much Chris', but somehow even more [[Slow-in-the-minds|dumb]].

He also gets mad at the video game "South Park- The Stick of Truth" for staying true to the characters, by having Cartman [[Troll|call him a douchebag]].

[[Random-access humor]] and [[Donald Duck impersonation| horrible impersonations]] also return. Cheese from Foster's Home, [[Optimus Prime]], [[Transformers|Bumblebee]], Popeye, and [[Monty Python|even more]] are disgraced. Hurray.

==Description==
{{Quotebox|Watch, Subscribe, and Watch again for more videos, Only on Cwcville Guardian: the Official and Authentic Source for a lot about Sonichu, as well as the author herself, Christine Weston Chandler.

Voucher for Destiny White PS4 Bundle (no PS4 Camera required) Offer extended to March 5, 2016.

[[Etsy|http://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShop...]]

Coupon Code: FEB241982

Free Sonichu #4 Book with purchase of CWC Figure(s) (see earlier video for details; Expires March 17, 2016)}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update: 2/25/16
| video = {{#ev:youtube|85BvI_BIL3s}}
| stardate = 25 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = Pink T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 02/16/2016]]
| next =
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
''[Chris drops something on his desk as the video starts. Worth noting is that both the [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[Sonichu Amiibo|amiibo]] are on his desk.]''

Hello, and welcome to another day... 'ere on the CwcvilleGuardian channel... ''[sigh]'' Christine Chandler here... alright, so... Mm. ''[Chris begins fiddling with his glasses]'' Aight, so yesterday was my 34th birthday... um... I ''have'' re''ceived''... and I... do ''not'' pro''mote'' such dishonesty... Gift cards that have... no activation... and no value or money on them at all. And also, I have received... another... piece of mail. This one had... a scratched-off lottery ticket that was ''not''--that was clearly not a winner. ''[Chris licks his lips]'' Alright?

And I certainly did not receive a PlayStation 4 console... [[Chris and English|even much less]] the white one with the ''Destiny'' game and all that... Still, I move forward, so... mm.

''[Chris reaches for something off-camera]''

But let's do something different today!

''[Chris pulls back, revealing he was reaching for [[Sonichu Amiibo#Custom Post 2011 Christine Weston Chandler Amiibo Figure (from Original Creator)|his tomgirl self-insert amiibo]].]''

Okay, a little voice acting.

''[Chris grabs all three of the amiibo on his desk, then sets Rosechu down.]''

Alright, so it's a cartoon series, I would definitely be voicing myself and Sonichu, and this is what he'd sound like--mm.

''[Chris rocks the figures back and forth as they "speak".]''

'''Christine:''' Hey, Sonichu, what's new?

'''Sonichu:''' ''[sounding like Chris's regular voice, only slightly higher pitched]'' Hey, mama, whatchu ''know?'' I'm doing OK with my wife, Rosey. ''[Chris slides her figure slightly closer to the others.]''

'''Rosechu:''' ''[in falsetto]'' Hello!

''[Chris breaks character for a moment]''

I'd get a femal-- I'd get a fem... woman to voice Rosechu for real. I don't know, somebody that sounds like... or similar ''to''... I dunno maybe, [[Britney Spears]] or... Katy Perry, or... hell, Meghan Trainor. I like her voice too. Mm.

''[Chris resumes voice acting]''

'''Christine:''' ''Ennnh'' yeah, yesterday was my [[birthday]]! So... I had low expectations for it, and I didn't get much about it... except... pretty much... birthday greetings, word of mouth, AND I had to buy my own cupcakes!

'''Sonichu:''' ''[Chris's regular voice]'' Oh that's a sha-- ''[slips back into "Sonichu" voice]'' Ohhh that's a shame, man! Mom! That's a shame, mom! Enh... Oh well! You get older, you find that people are not gonna care... as much about ya.

'''Christine:''' Enh... They only care about you on your own... ''[Chris slams figure of himself face first into desk]'' death bed. ''[flips figure to lie face up on desk, starts spinning it around]'' So that's ''anurr'' year on the old odometer. ''[inhales somewhat disgustedly, picks figure of himself upright again, and starts screeching while wobbling figure back and forth]''

'''Sonichu:''' ''[unintelligible, though clearly adding to Christine's screeching]''

'''Christine:''' ''[more screeching]''

''[licks lips as he finishes voice acting]''

Yeah. ''[blows a soft, sad raspberry]''

Hmm. Alright, um... also, um, those of you who have been watching my [[Playstation Network]] activity, you'd notice I've ha-had to go through my whole disk library once again, just because I've ended up having to... reformat my hard drive... after I... because of a corrupted... ''firmware file'' on it, that's... upsetting, but I've got that settled and fixed and... all the... games have been reinstalled and the DLC re-downloaded and everything, so... mm, ''[dissolves to gibberish]'' meh bdep blep bleh.

''[sigh]''

And yet, still no PS... 4! 'Cause I need to... catch back up! In the technology and everything. ''[sigh]'' Although, last night I did pu-- I did, uh-- I had-- already had purchased it on current, a copy of South Park: Stick of Truth. It's pretty good... the onl-- my only d-- the only downside that I really... did not like was, uh... actually two things. Could not be a girl! So I had to make the ''boy'' look like a girl. So that's one way of promoting being a transwoman. You dress up the new kid as a girl! And that wor-- And that works out. Mm.

And then also-- second part, I really... don't-- I really do not care for Cartman's attitude as well... and... it's not funny at all. ''[stammers]'' Y-yo-eh... You-- I enter my name as the character name, and get-- then he calls me... "Douchebag!" ''[shakes head disapprovingly]'' Seriously, Cartman... ''[raises voice, noticeably agitated]'' I'm the player! I'm gonna make progress in this game! ''[starts bashing figure of himself against desk as he rants]'' So don't you dare call me... a ''douchebag''! ''[slams figure one last time, pauses seeming to calm down]''

Ehh, well... ''[exhales frustratedly through pursed lips]'' and y'know... meanwhile... what else? ''[struggles to think of topics to discuss]'' What else, what else? ''[small sigh]'' Ahh, what else? ''[pause]'' What else?

I don't know much else, my brain's gone blank. Unngh... I have so much inside if-- built, poked[?] and pent up to my life, so it's no wonder my mind is constantl-- is constantly off and on blank. ''[blows small raspberry]''

Enngh... I'm sorry I can't b-- I'm sorry I'm... not so funny, but... if I ca-- if I don't feel it, then it just doesn't come up... as easily.

Oh well! In a trial of being funny... [playful voice] And now for some [[Random Access Humor|random, silly things]]!

''[pause as he thinks]''

Hey look, a monkey. Hi, monkey! Aaaaaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane![?]

''[Chris repeats it, because it was so good the first time]''

Hi, monkey! Aaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane!

''[long pause]''

It's plays out better in my head. It doesn't actually have characters.

Ehh, what else is there? Alright... well redoing vocal impressions.

And now here's Cheese from [[wikipedia:Foster's_Home_for_Imaginary_Friends|''Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends'']]:

''[grating, nasally voice]'' I like chocolate milk! Tinkle tinkle in the car, you should really use a jar! Prizes![?] I like cereal! I'm not a tampon! My name is Cheese! Do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again!

[lower voice] Autobots! Transform, and roll out! Ffff--

[restrained voice] I'm Meatwad, a ball of meat. Ffff--

[nasally voice, similar to last one] Egegegegegegegegeg. I speak Spanish, every day! Ffff--

[silly voice] Stop in the name of the law! Sorry about that chief!

[lower silly voice] [[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Idiots!]] ''[raspberry, starts singing tune]'' Nununununununununununununu.

[sings different tune] Bing Bong, Bing Bong, who's the friend that likes to play? ''[picks up figures and dances them around the desk]'' Bing Bong, Bing Bong, nanananananana! Bing Bong, Bing Bong, entertainment value! Bing Bong, Bing Bong... ''[peters out, keeps dancing figures around for a bit]''

Alright, well anyway... subscribe! Subscribe to my channel to get updates on... well, me, Sonichu, my store on [[Etsy]], Cwcville Shopping... and, uh... everything else nearly related, ''ourgh''-- or of interest.

''[sigh]''

I'm stuck in a... moody mode, so... oh well. Right, so... thanks for the mail and then... [[Chris and his ego|thanks for nothing]]! Alright. Well, be another update... in about a week or s-- week or... give or take. Have a good day, thank you.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]