CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Autism Awareness E-mails

2010-05-17T06:58:30Z

Magic8Ball:

Oh boy. Clyde, where did you ever get this pile of gold?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 06:12, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

This is the purest example of Chris's "Mental Block" capabilities. The line "This Fact is My Idea" is quite precious and proves us that Chris got no clue where his Ego end and reality starts. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 18:37, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

== What's the source? ==

There's no adequate explanation here of how or why this exchange began.

*The Autism Awareness people put up a bunch of ads for Autism Awareness Month and one of those sites happened to be the CWCipedia. Chris decided to put up his own version of the ad disregarding the link between Autism and Aspergers. One of the friendly volunteers decided to e-mail Chris about it. There's the story. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 09:51, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
*Also, sign your posts. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 10:57, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
**Maybe we should start bugging him on Landau-Kleffner syndrome now. Add a little variety to the mix. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 12:15, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
***I think I actually saved his altered autisim awareness ad. Hold on, I'll dig em up.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 14:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
***So is it too early to create a page on Landau Kleffner syndrome? May as well do some research while nothing else is going on.--[[User:AdderCress|AdderCress]] 06:43, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
*This has also been in the mailbag if I'm not mistaken. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 14:14, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

== "Firstly, it was my pleasure to help" ==

Did Chris really pull that from out of nowhere in regards to Lori's letter, or was something removed from the original before posting here? --[[User:LeninandMcCarthy|LeninandMcCarthy]] 18:23, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
:I think this comment came from Chris's misunderstanding use of the like of "Thank you for your time". Let's remember, he's not that good with societal norms (It's 'tard Logic). [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 18:37, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
::I think the subject was missing. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 19:26, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

==Asperger and Autism merger?==
Is this merging Asperger into Autism really happening? and if it is, and aspergers is merged into autism (assuming it hasn't already), will their be Ads in Chris's wiki to rub it in his face (assuming this happens this year)? I'm guessing when this happens, Asperger will technically be no more (and I'm also guessing that Chris will think he wiped it out, and be happy about it... until he learned what happened to aspergers). [[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 05:48, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
*Either that, or Chris will see it as the blasphemous aspergers people stealing autistics' light by claiming to be autistic... because they're better, or something [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 06:57, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Autism Awareness E-mails

2010-05-17T06:57:49Z

Magic8Ball:

Oh boy. Clyde, where did you ever get this pile of gold?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 06:12, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

This is the purest example of Chris's "Mental Block" capabilities. The line "This Fact is My Idea" is quite precious and proves us that Chris got no clue where his Ego end and reality starts. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 18:37, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

== What's the source? ==

There's no adequate explanation here of how or why this exchange began.

*The Autism Awareness people put up a bunch of ads for Autism Awareness Month and one of those sites happened to be the CWCipedia. Chris decided to put up his own version of the ad disregarding the link between Autism and Aspergers. One of the friendly volunteers decided to e-mail Chris about it. There's the story. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 09:51, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
*Also, sign your posts. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 10:57, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
**Maybe we should start bugging him on Landau-Kleffner syndrome now. Add a little variety to the mix. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 12:15, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
***I think I actually saved his altered autisim awareness ad. Hold on, I'll dig em up.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 14:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
***So is it too early to create a page on Landau Kleffner syndrome? May as well do some research while nothing else is going on.--[[User:AdderCress|AdderCress]] 06:43, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
*This has also been in the mailbag if I'm not mistaken. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 14:14, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

== "Firstly, it was my pleasure to help" ==

Did Chris really pull that from out of nowhere in regards to Lori's letter, or was something removed from the original before posting here? --[[User:LeninandMcCarthy|LeninandMcCarthy]] 18:23, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
:I think this comment came from Chris's misunderstanding use of the like of "Thank you for your time". Let's remember, he's not that good with societal norms (It's 'tard Logic). [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 18:37, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
::I think the subject was missing. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 19:26, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

==Asperger and Autism merger?==
Is this merging Asperger into Autism really happening? and if it is, and aspergers is merged into autism (assuming it hasn't already), will their be Ads in Chris's wiki to rub it in his face (assuming this happens this year)? I'm guessing when this happens, Asperger will technically be no more (and I'm also guessing that Chris will think he wiped it out, and be happy about it... until he learned what happened to aspergers). [[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 05:48, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
*Either that, or Chris will see it as the blasphemous aspergers people stealing autistics' light by claiming to be autistic... because their better, or something [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 06:57, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Chris and money

2010-05-04T16:58:26Z

Magic8Ball: typo fix

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]]. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a $1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated 50 hours of community service to $500 (for any sexual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' PS3 game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost at least about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris buys his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris is what most would call a welfare leech. Chris's only source of income is the $800 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,600 a year. Chris's parents take $450 to pay for room and board.<ref>Miyamoto Saga</ref> In addition, Chris and his family get [[Wikipedia:Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program|SNAP]] money every month- more commonly known as food stamps.

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. |Chris, completely deluded.}}

To put this in perspective, at the time of writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is 7.25 USD, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180 on his life and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be approximately 1,160 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly 13,920 USD. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous 7,824 USD in ''spending'' money, as in, for more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the 4,200 USD Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3); it becomes clear Bob's encouragement of Chris's not seeking employment has ''nothing'' to do with money. He knows his son is a [[fail]]ure.

Chris strongly believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> This is complete dumbassery since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff; and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. Chris has managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (according to [[Mumble 4]], 1000 of which comes from the PSN store, but this number has increased over the past few weeks) and has even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his were maxed out. Being the greedy twat that he is, when Chris finally does make payments towards his debts, he always does so in the smallest installments possible, freeing himself to spend as much as he has (or more) on worthless shit, entirely oblivious to the fact that he's only increasing his debt by letting interest charges rack up. Economists are currently working on the theory that it is Chris's debts, not the collapse of financial institutions, which have caused the current global financial crisis.

==In the comic==
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely, all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the American populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of $3,500 a month just to hang around.

This, along with what else we know about [[CWCville]], could mean that Chris is a communist, or at the very least, a socialist. Of course, he's most likely too much of a retard to actually know what that means.

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually uses its own currency, in the form of C Quarters, W Quarters, and C Quarters. 10 C Quarters make up a W Quarter, and 10 W Quarters make up a C Quarter. Don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, especially considering what the word "quarter" means.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American Social Security system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels. |Chris with a very bad idea...}}

So, what is a "Soup Hotel"? Chris describe it in the [[Mailbag 20]] as a building ten stories tall with 10 to 20 rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and Cable TV. Of course, the homeless will stay there for free. So, instead of building Homeless shelters with dormitories, commons rooms and shared TV sets, Chris think the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in CWCville, there're around 1000-2000 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, are unable to make a profit there and are moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and bevy of Rosechus stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that CWCville has had to open 7 new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he states that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free Sex Ed classes for virgins. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] (who was charging $100 for the hour) by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

== On TV ==

In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called the Chandler show. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money.

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]

The Hook Cafe

2010-04-06T17:19:45Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a fat gay manchild.]]
[[Image:direct2sex.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of the ad, as of 5 April 2010.]]

{{taxpayermoney}}

The local alternative weekly paper in [[Charlottesville]] is ''The Hook'', and its online personal-ads site is called '''The Hook Cafe'''. Some time in early [[2010]], Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "[[Chris and sex|direct2sex]]," declaring that he "Need [[China|Sexy Sweets]] from Woman." As far as anyone can tell, no sexy sweets have been forthcoming.

The ad is one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and is now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get sex, and that if Chris could get to the the [[hanky-panky]] without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. Before the discovery of this profile, the clearest evidence of this was [[Mailbag 53#So much for true love|one of Chris's mailbag responses]].

Of note are the differences between this and his previous dating profiles. Chris is apparently making an attempt at being a grown up, and as a result he neglects to mention [[Sonichu]], his [[autism]] or the fact he's a twenty eight year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]]. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like figure in his potential mate). In the past he had been open to the idea of dating an 18 year old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for legal reasons.

This is not the first time Chris has posted a personal ad on the Hook Cafe. An earlier attempt, where Chris promoted himself as a "Handsome Virgin searching for Woman," fell victim to hackers around the beginning of 2009. Unfortunately, most of its original contents weren't preserved before the trolls gave it a makeover. It's the hacked version that's referred to in Chris's [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|20 January 2009 IRC chat]].

==Ad==
The following is all the information included in the ad as of 5 April 2010. All misspellings or unusual capitalizations are from the original page. The peculiar entry under "Religion" (which lists his affiliation as both "Methodist" and "None") is probably the result of an error Chris made when filling out the form that produced his profile.

===Introduction===

I am an [[honest content|honest]], [[Chris and anger|compassionate]] [[Megan Saga|gentleman]], with a good sense of humor. I am looking for good time(s) with a woman; I'm not getting any younger. I would like a 21-28 year old woman with a pretty face, a sexy slim to average body and an honest and compassionate personality. Show me your honest and sweet interest and love, and I'll show you a good time. Hit me up with an e-mail with your photo and digits, and I will respond quickly in suit. Smokers, [[Obesity|overweights]], [[Niggos|blacks]] and [[List of Chris's lies|liars]] need not apply.

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Man''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''[[Fuck Quest|Friends with benefits]], Some Action, Casual Dating''' 
Body Type: '''[[Obesity|Average, Muscular, Height / Weight proportionate]]''' 
Eyes: '''[[Heterochromia|L=Blue, R=Green]]''' 
Height: '''5' 10"''' 
Hair Type: '''Brown''' 
Age: '''28''' 
Seeks: [[china|'''Woman for Dating, Woman for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|College graduate]]''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''[[Chris and religion|None, Christian / Methodist]]''' 
Political Leanings: '''Moderate''' 
City: '''Ruckersville''' 
Occupation: '''[[Chris and art|Artist]]''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Socially]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-chu|Car]], [[Sonichu's Edge|Walk]]''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Obesity|Conscious Omnivore]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''[[R.L. Stine|Reading]], [[Sonichu|Creating]], [[Guitar Hero|Playing sports]], [[Chris's Big Night Out|Clubbing]], [[30_Push-Ups|Working out]], [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Shopping]], [[McDonald's|Dining out]], Biking''' 
Funniest Thing: '''A man chasing a dog. [[Random-access humor|And the dog has a ham in its mouth]]'''

===Deeper===
The best thing about Charlottesville is: '''The vast history behind it.'''

My radio dial is usually tuned to? '''Z-95.1'''

Quote a line from your favorite movie. '''[[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticespialadocious]]'''

Thomas Jefferson makes me: '''feel inspired and better enjoy Charlottesville, VA.'''

The first thing I read in the Hook is? '''The Arts.'''

Name three things [[Semen|you shouldn't have eaten]]. '''Beets, [[Pickles]], Relish.'''

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''smokers''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: [[Chris and reality|the brain of a '''college graduate''' and the body of a '''Playboy Womam]]'''

[[Mom|People]] say '''[[Chris and his Ego|my face is my best feature]]'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''the Arts'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''sweet compassion''' The quickest way to my bed is '''honest lovin'''' And in the morning, I like my [[Christian's sex joke|eggs]] cooked '''fried and well-done'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'''

'''[[Golden Corral]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
'''Best Buy''' or Sidetracks

'''Summer''' or Winter

'''[[Hex Box|PC]]''' or Mac

'''Cavaliers''' or Redskins

'''[[Chris and death|Casket]]''' or Cremation

Fax or '''Email'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==External links==
*[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250471 Chris's Hook Cafe profile]

[[Category:Websites]]

Talk:The Hook Cafe

2010-04-06T00:57:31Z

Magic8Ball:

I'll set to putting together a summary of this, I guess. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 22:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
*The current format sucks (no offense). We need to mirror the content - the last Hook Cafe ad Chris had is forever lost in time, so now we need to mirror this for when this inevitably gets hacked. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:52, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:* So you want it all replicated word-for-word? Easily done. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 22:55, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

*Chris's favorite radio station: http://www.z95.net/ --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 23:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:* And it's...yep, home to the John Tesh show. Weird. So far as I can tell this is like a station for 35-year-old women. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 23:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
::*I think the numerous John Tesh references (at least the times he's popped up in the background of calls) might warrant an article for the guy.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:17, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:::*I was about to say the exact same thing. Especially since he probably provided the germ for Chris's fixation on the three-date rule. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 23:18, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh god....
Anyway he's aiming a little high isn't he?
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 23:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
*Only if you mean him not accepting anyone: over age 28, overweight, mature, or of any ethnicity other than white. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 23:41, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
*I just noticed the "blacks need not apply part
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 23:45, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Well... at least he's saying 21 instead of 18. That's almost like progress. Almost.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 23:48, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
** I have to wonder if he found out about the "half your age plus seven" rule that people sometimes use to figure an appropriate age to date. Knowing Chris's tendency to take such things as written in stone rules... so yeah. [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 00:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

PandaHalo

2010-03-11T10:44:35Z

Magic8Ball: Damn typos.

[[Image:PandaHalo.jpg|thumb|100px|I LOVE YOU, PANDA BEAR]]

{{Quote|Panda, I know that you are somewhere up there, after the fire, and we will not forget you... But I look to a bright future where [[Julie]] and I, will feel that... will feel... will feel that love and then more.|Chris, dumping the freshly burnt corpse of PandaHalo, whilst asking for a ghostly threesome{{cite}}.}}

[[PandaHalo]] (aka '''Sarah Cassandra McKenzie''') is [[Chris]]'s <strike>current</strike> ''EX'' TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] who <s>lives</s> lived in South Australia. Definitely not a [[troll]].

==History==
[[Image:Me_and_Panda_Bear_by_SonichuSite.jpg|thumb|Chris isn't totally stupid: if he finds true love, he wants it in writing (''Note the bloody finger:'' using arterial blood!!!)]]

During the [[Blanca]] saga, she continued to send occasional messages to Chris. After Chris realized his mistake in believing in Blanca, he decided to declare Panda his TRUE and HONEST girlfriend.

Panda toyed with Chris for a while, discovering how desperate he was for [[China|sex]]. Panda really pushed the limits of acceptable behavior, and their conversations show just how gullible Chris can be when China is on the line. A good example is how she [[IRC (27 December 2008)|verbally abuses Chris while claiming that she's starting to fall in love]] with [[Robert Simmons V]], occasionally typing extremely obvious and specific insults to Chris and easily passing it off as some kind of bizarre form of Tourette's syndrome, or easily getting Chris to agree to bizarre sex acts, such as convincing him to have sex with a dog for her pleasure (for the record, he says he'd be willing to have sex with a Collie, like Lassie). She managed to obtain the first sexual footage of Chris masturbating and audio of Chris talking about his [[Sex Logs|sexual opinions]]. He also sent Panda a [[PSP]] that was originally intended for [[Megan]].

In a disturbing act of revenge [[Clyde Cash]] went to Australia and raped Panda.<ref>IRC (21 January 2009</ref> She was carrying Clyde's child, a fact which didn't appear to faze Chris in the slightest. Clyde immediately and generously offered to take care of Panda and their baby in his mansion, whereas Chris subtly pressured Panda into getting an abortion. As Chris was in the middle of lecturing Clyde about forgiveness he was in an unusually forgiving mood, and actively encouraged Panda to abandon her child to the man who'd raped her so she could live with Chris in his parents' basement. While Clyde offered to house not only Panda and their child, but Chris as well, his stipulation that Chris would have to get a job nixed that idea. There was also the issue that Clyde's act of rape had gotten Panda addicted to sex (which, as a man who has [[Chris and Sex|learned everything he knows about sex from porn]], Chris didn't at all question), and she expressed some interest in regular threesomes with Chris and Clyde. In the end Panda gave Chris an ultimatum: [[Miyamoto Saga|talk to Nintendo to make Sonichu a reality]] so he could support their future family together and she would gladly abort Clyde's baby and live with him as his sex-addicted, baby-spewing wife. Failure to do so meant she would live with Clyde in his mansion and raise their child together. Chris, of course, wouldn't put in the effort to get the only [[Sonichu Adventure|two]] [[china|things]] he had ever cared about, and forfeited Panda to Clyde. Shortly after, however, he'd heard about the Australian bushfires...

==Death==
Chris has now convinced himself that PandaHalo died in the [[January 2009]] Australian bushfires, <ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_75 Sonichu 9, Episode 20, Page 75]</ref> even though she lives over 1,000 kilometres away in South Australia and the fires were in February.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Saturday_bushfires Wikipedia - Black Saturday Bushfires]</ref> A mere check of Wikipedia would have told him otherwise but Chris needed an excuse to move on to [[Julie]], who was not carrying any children of Clyde. Another factor may have been that Chris stopped hearing from Panda "over two weeks" before the 13th February 2009.<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary|Mumble Chat 7]]</ref> [[Chris and Ego|Obviously as soon as Chris stopped hearing from her, she was dead; such is his importance]]. Clyde later admitted to Chris that Panda was alive and well "by his side",<ref>[[Mumble 9#Transcript|Mumble Chat 9, 2:00-2:30]]</ref> but Chris failed to listen or rejects this as being true<ref>[[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions - 15 January 2010]]</ref>.

She came back from the dead to deliver the entire [[Scrapbook]] and [[Slideshow]] and then resumed being dead.

In [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]] of Sonichu, Panda meets her demise. After her building is "put ablaze," she hurls her Pokeballs out the window to save her Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, [[Chloe]] [[Rosechu]] and Blazebob [[Sonichu]]. After approximately 15 seconds of mourning, Blazebob reassures Chloe that they need to move on, mirroring Chris's lack of grief after the real Panda's untimely death.

==Avenging Panda==

It only took a year for him to get around to it, but Chris finally obtained some manner of revenge against Clyde Cash for the rape of PandaHalo, in a [[Don't Mess With Me|recent Youtube video]]. Granted, it was a complete fantasy... but then, so are all of [[Sonichu_Comic|Chris's victories.]]

== Sauces ==
<references />

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Iamsvenka.jpg
Image:Chris_Chan_s_Panda_by_-2FC.png
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Chloe]] - fictional girlfriend Chris made up after Blanca that served as a partial codename for Panda
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==External links==
*[http://pandahalo.deviantart.com/ Panda's deviantArt profile]

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

PandaHalo

2010-03-11T10:43:31Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:PandaHalo.jpg|thumb|100px|I LOVE YOU, PANDA BEAR]]

{{Quote|Panda, I know that you are somewhere up there, after the fire, and we will not forget you... But I look to a bright future where [[Julie]] and I, will feel that... will feel... will feel that love and then more.|Chris, dumping the freshly burnt corpse of PandaHalo, whilst asking for a ghostly threesome{{cite}}.}}

[[PandaHalo]] (aka '''Sarah Cassandra McKenzie''') is [[Chris]]'s <strike>current</strike> ''EX'' TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] who <s>lives</s> lived in South Australia. Definitely not a [[troll]].

==History==
[[Image:Me_and_Panda_Bear_by_SonichuSite.jpg|thumb|Chris isn't totally stupid: if he finds true love, he wants it in writing (''Note the bloody finger:'' using arterial blood!!!)]]

During the [[Blanca]] saga, she continued to send occasional messages to Chris. After Chris realized his mistake in believing in Blanca, he decided to declare Panda his TRUE and HONEST girlfriend.

Panda toyed with Chris for a while, discovering how desperate he was for [[China|sex]]. Panda really pushed the limits of acceptable behavior, and their conversations show just how gullible Chris can be when China is on the line. A good example is how she [[IRC (27 December 2008)|verbally abuses Chris while claiming that she's starting to fall in love]] with [[Robert Simmons V]], occasionally typing extremely obvious and specific insults to Chris and easily passing it off as some kind of bizarre form of Tourette's syndrome, or easily getting Chris to agree to bizarre sex acts, such as convincing him to have sex with a dog for her pleasure (for the record, he says he'd be willing to have sex with a Collie, like Lassie). She managed to obtain the first sexual footage of Chris masturbating and audio of Chris talking about his [[Sex Logs|sexual opinions]]. He also sent Panda a [[PSP]] that was originally intended for [[Megan]].

In a disturbing act of revenge [[Clyde Cash]] went to Australia and raped Panda.<ref>IRC (21 January 2009</ref> She was carrying Clyde's child, a fact which didn't appear to faze Chris in the slightest. Clyde immediately and generously offered to take care of Panda and their baby in his mansion, whereas Chris subtly pressured Panda into getting an abortion. As Chris was in the middle of lecturing Clyde about forgiveness he was in an unusually forgiving mood, and actively encouraged Panda to abandon her child to the man who'd raped her so she could live with Chris in his parents' basement. While Clyde offered to house not only Panda and their child, but Chris as well, his stipulation that Chris would have to get a job nixed that idea. There was also the issue that Clyde's act of rape had gotten Panda addicted to sex (which, as a man who has [[Chris and Sex|learned everything he knows about sex from porn]], Chris didn't at all question), and she expressed some interest in regular threesomes with Chris and Clyde. In the end Panda gave Chris an ultimatum: [[Miyamoto Saga|talk to Nintendo to make Sonichu a reality]] so he could support their future family together and she would gladly abort Clyde's baby and live with him as his sex-addicted, baby-spewing wife. Failure to do so meant she would live with Clyde in his mansion and raise their child together. Chris, of course, wouldn't put in the effort to get the only [[Sonichu Adventure|two]] [[china|things]] he had ever cared about, and forfeited Panda to Clyde. Shortly after, however, he'd heard about the Australian bushfires...

==Death==
Chris has now convinced himself that PandaHalo died in the [[January 2009]] Australian bushfires, <ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_75 Sonichu 9, Episode 20, Page 75]</ref> even though she lives over 1,000 kilometres away in South Australia and the fires were in February.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Saturday_bushfires Wikipedia - Black Saturday Bushfires]</ref> A mere check of Wikipedia would have told him otherwise but Chris needed an excuse to move on to [[Julie]], who was not carrying any children of Clyde. Another factor may have been that Chris stopped hearing from Panda "over two weeks" before the 13th February 2009.<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary|Mumble Chat 7]]</ref> [[Chris and Ego|Obviously as soon as Chris stopped hearing from her, she was dead; such is his importance]]. Clyde later admitted to Chris that Panda was alive and well "by his side",<ref>[[Mumble 9#Transcript|Mumble Chat 9, 2:00-2:30]]</ref> but Chris failed to listen or rejects this as being true<ref>[[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions - 15 January 2010]]</ref>.

She came back from the dead to deliver the entire [[Scrapbook]] and [[Slideshow]] and then resumed being dead.

In [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]] of Sonichu, Panda meets her demise. After her building is "put ablaze," she hurls her Pokeballs out the window to save her Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, [[Chloe]] [[Rosechu]] and Blazebob [[Sonichu]]. After approximately 15 seconds of mourning, Blazebob reassures Chloe that they need to move on, mirroring Chris's lack of grief after the real Panda's untimely death.

==Avevenging Panda==

It only took a year for him to get around to it, but Chris finally obtained some manner of revenge against Clyde Cash for the rape of PandaHalo, in a [[Don't Mess With Me|recent Youtube video]]. Granted, it was a complete fantasy... but then, so are all of [[Sonichu_Comic|Chris's victories.]]

== Sauces ==
<references />

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Iamsvenka.jpg
Image:Chris_Chan_s_Panda_by_-2FC.png
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Chloe]] - fictional girlfriend Chris made up after Blanca that served as a partial codename for Panda
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==External links==
*[http://pandahalo.deviantart.com/ Panda's deviantArt profile]

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Chris and religion

2010-03-09T07:43:33Z

Magic8Ball: /* Delusions of Godhood? */

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}

'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, pornography, and masturbation. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents...shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified Methodist church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|right|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|But then God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail]]s at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has never backed him up on said threats.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was been accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. Thus proving that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a laugh at his expense.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterwards anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris' strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.

===Afterlife===
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.|Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV), on how it is impossible to ''earn'' salvation.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, on [[Mailbag 30#Questions|earning salvation]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris [[Fail|fails]] at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[Homos|homosexuals]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggest that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that any sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. See [[Chris and Sex]]
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is hereditary or the result of over consumption, but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. [[Cole Smithey|putting his brother's questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him]]), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]].
*'''Sloth''': Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': His attitude towards other men as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life. See [[Chris and his Ego]] for more information.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshipping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says 'goddamn' a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem]] with premarital sex in general.
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]]
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit |attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled; and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. For Chris, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him so. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], while being a threat, also seem to be his attempts at somehow harming the trolls as well through [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_magic sympathetic magic]. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting. The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside but parallel to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) will devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[Dreams|dreams]].

While Chris has indeed used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in the past in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the 'kidnapping' of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. He later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed; but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, rather it is explicitly proscribed by his faith at various points in the scripture. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris' death.

For all we know, he's gonna start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement for the comics.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris' blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a God's bear. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Medallions

2010-03-05T22:21:50Z

Magic8Ball:

==To do==
Find out exactly how Chris makes the medallions. I believe in a Mumble chat he explained how he uses Elmer's Glue to coat it, and uses regular paint to brighten the colors, but finding what exactly he uses would be great as well. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:27, 26 September 2009 (CEST)

== "Top to bottom: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly." ==

Uh, what? --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 01:03, 14 November 2009 (CET)
:I'm guessing it's because center is a HEX BAWX controller, which Chris hates, hence "bad". [[User:Xentrilus|xontrolos]] 01:43, 14 November 2009 (CET)
::Also it's bright pink. I mean for fuck's sake why? [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 15:56, 21 November 2009 (CET)

== Where are they now? ==

incase anyone was wondering --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 23:25, 1 December 2009 (CET)

From youtube:

{{quote|BTW, did you destroy ALL Chris-Chan's medallions? If so, I'd gladly buy one from you.|[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]}}

{{quote|No, they aren't all destroyed. As of now, Fake Sonichu is going to GV from ED, destroyed sonichu is going to a Gentlemen that requested it, the letter and jiggiami or what ever are going to a fine Gentlemen from CWCki, Rosechu is being saved for the return of Blanca, and Blake shall remain mine until I return to Germany to tear it apart and leave the pieces in Nuremberg|Ickeriss69}}
*Could you please add all this info to the article? It's interesting --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 23:38, 1 December 2009 (CET)
:*idk its not really all that relevant at this point. I just cuntpasted Ickeriss's convo with Ed here so you guys would have a rough idea as to the fate of the medallions of fail. I'm the individual recieving the Jiggliami medallion and Blanca letter btw. I'll post pics when these two troll relics arrive. --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 14:25, 3 December 2009 (CET)
:: *I'd like to add that I got the jiggliami medallion and Chris's letter to Blanca in the mail today. Here's the pics as proof --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 23:02, 9 December 2009 (CET)
::Return of Blanca? I thought Rosechu was going to Nurse Icky-chan. Really, she should go to the guy pretending to be Chrissy's gay lover at the moment.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 02:33, 10 December 2009 (CET)
:::Ickeriss was indeed referring to Icky-chan when he mentioned the "return of Blanca", her being the "female" component of Blanca & all. --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 07:47, 11 December 2009 (CET)

<gallery>
Image:medallionbox1.jpg|The Ark of the Covenant
Image:medallionbox2.jpg|The Ark, again.
Image:medallionandletter.jpg|The Jiggliami medallion and the letter to Blanca
Image:letter1.jpg|The ancient text, Chris's letter to [[Blanca]].
Image:letter2.jpg|Closeup part 1
Image:letter3.jpg|Closeup part 2
</gallery>

* Thoughts going through Chris's head: "Gee, I can't believe I'm sending a package to Blanca's Grandmother and Aunt. Now to put 'Testicules' as the sender. This is ''not at all'' unusual." Or was that part of the Cunning Pickle-Trick Plan, too? --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 00:15, 10 December 2009 (CET)
:*No, I think that was the pic sent to Anon after he requested the medallion, not from Chris himself. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:55, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::*ja, that is indeed the case. Though from what I recall, I had first approached Ickeriss regarding a semi-unrelated matter and the subject of the medallions just happened to come up and, well, here we are now. --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 08:52, 11 December 2009 (CET)

==Asperchu Medallion==

<s>Wait, it says in the article that Alec made the Asperchu medallion, but the pic states that Chris made it, anybody know which it is? </s>[[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 22:17, 5 March 2010 (UTC)
*DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!!! The picture in question, is a picture of the back of the Jiggliami medallion. My bad [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 22:21, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Medallions

2010-03-05T22:17:47Z

Magic8Ball:

==To do==
Find out exactly how Chris makes the medallions. I believe in a Mumble chat he explained how he uses Elmer's Glue to coat it, and uses regular paint to brighten the colors, but finding what exactly he uses would be great as well. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:27, 26 September 2009 (CEST)

== "Top to bottom: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly." ==

Uh, what? --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 01:03, 14 November 2009 (CET)
:I'm guessing it's because center is a HEX BAWX controller, which Chris hates, hence "bad". [[User:Xentrilus|xontrolos]] 01:43, 14 November 2009 (CET)
::Also it's bright pink. I mean for fuck's sake why? [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 15:56, 21 November 2009 (CET)

== Where are they now? ==

incase anyone was wondering --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 23:25, 1 December 2009 (CET)

From youtube:

{{quote|BTW, did you destroy ALL Chris-Chan's medallions? If so, I'd gladly buy one from you.|[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]}}

{{quote|No, they aren't all destroyed. As of now, Fake Sonichu is going to GV from ED, destroyed sonichu is going to a Gentlemen that requested it, the letter and jiggiami or what ever are going to a fine Gentlemen from CWCki, Rosechu is being saved for the return of Blanca, and Blake shall remain mine until I return to Germany to tear it apart and leave the pieces in Nuremberg|Ickeriss69}}
*Could you please add all this info to the article? It's interesting --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 23:38, 1 December 2009 (CET)
:*idk its not really all that relevant at this point. I just cuntpasted Ickeriss's convo with Ed here so you guys would have a rough idea as to the fate of the medallions of fail. I'm the individual recieving the Jiggliami medallion and Blanca letter btw. I'll post pics when these two troll relics arrive. --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 14:25, 3 December 2009 (CET)
:: *I'd like to add that I got the jiggliami medallion and Chris's letter to Blanca in the mail today. Here's the pics as proof --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 23:02, 9 December 2009 (CET)
::Return of Blanca? I thought Rosechu was going to Nurse Icky-chan. Really, she should go to the guy pretending to be Chrissy's gay lover at the moment.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 02:33, 10 December 2009 (CET)
:::Ickeriss was indeed referring to Icky-chan when he mentioned the "return of Blanca", her being the "female" component of Blanca & all. --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 07:47, 11 December 2009 (CET)

<gallery>
Image:medallionbox1.jpg|The Ark of the Covenant
Image:medallionbox2.jpg|The Ark, again.
Image:medallionandletter.jpg|The Jiggliami medallion and the letter to Blanca
Image:letter1.jpg|The ancient text, Chris's letter to [[Blanca]].
Image:letter2.jpg|Closeup part 1
Image:letter3.jpg|Closeup part 2
</gallery>

* Thoughts going through Chris's head: "Gee, I can't believe I'm sending a package to Blanca's Grandmother and Aunt. Now to put 'Testicules' as the sender. This is ''not at all'' unusual." Or was that part of the Cunning Pickle-Trick Plan, too? --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 00:15, 10 December 2009 (CET)
:*No, I think that was the pic sent to Anon after he requested the medallion, not from Chris himself. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:55, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::*ja, that is indeed the case. Though from what I recall, I had first approached Ickeriss regarding a semi-unrelated matter and the subject of the medallions just happened to come up and, well, here we are now. --[[User:Anonymous|Anonymous]] 08:52, 11 December 2009 (CET)

==Asperchu Medallion==

Wait, it says in the article that Alec made the Asperchu medallion, but the pic states that Chris made it, anybody know which it is? [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 22:17, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

User:Magic8Ball

2010-03-05T02:41:44Z

Magic8Ball: Created page with '{{Award| bordercolor=#BF0A30| bgcolor=#002868| textcolor=#FFFFFF| titlecolor=#FFFFFF| image=American flag.png| img_width=50| width=358px| title=Americunt| text=This user is an Am…'

{{Award|
bordercolor=#BF0A30|
bgcolor=#002868|
textcolor=#FFFFFF|
titlecolor=#FFFFFF|
image=American flag.png|
img_width=50|
width=358px|
title=Americunt|
text=This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels.|}}
[[Category:List of CWCkipedians who are Americunts]]

CWC Fighter

2010-03-04T09:33:46Z

Magic8Ball: Added a pic, cuz I was bored

"'''CWC Fighter'''" is a video from 18 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris Chan]] shows us his [[autism|martial arts]] moves. In the background, a riding lawn mower can be seen, confirming that when Chris [[Father Call|complains about how he occasionally is forced to mow the lawn]] he is, in fact, sitting down the entire time.

Coincidentally, Chris Chan is also the name of a [[Wikipedia:Wing Chun|Wing Chun]] grandmaster. There is no relation, as you can see.

==Video==

{{quote|Watch It, I have a little [[Wikipedia:Chun-Li|Chun-Li]] within me.|Official description}}

[[Image:ChunLi.jpg|thumb|Probably what Chris has in mind]]
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Fighter
| image = {{#ev:youtube|IXMP1XmD-cg}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Shirt = [[Image:redshirt.png]] Red shirt
| previous = [[Light_His_Mind's_Darkest_Hour| Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]
| next = [[One_Blessing,_and_One_Curse| One Blessing, and One Curse]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

[''A camera is pointed at the back of Chris's [[Son-chu|blue stationwagon]] parked in the [[14 Branchland Court|yard]]. A riding [[Father Call|lawnmower]] is visible. Chris walks into the frame, [[Chris and fashion|dressed]] in a bright red T-shirt with an undersized denim vest and blue jeans. He also wears his [[Medallion of fail|Sonichu medallion]]. He stands, legs apart, hands clasped in front of him, eyes closed as if in prayer. He is possibly [[Chris and religion|invoking]] some kind of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|ungodly power]]. He brings his hands to his sides, and with a crazed look he swings his right arm backwards. Aiming to either side of his body, he makes an upwards, poking motion with his left hand, then his right. His fingers are fully extended. He does the same thing, except straight ahead. He punches the air and twirls around, his back to the camera. He makes a somewhat awkward spinning kick and recovers ungracefully. He kicks air with his other leg with his arms akimbo and his head cocked to one side. He takes a step back and does two pitiful punching motions aimed at nowhere in particular. He attempts an uppercut and fails horribly at it, vaguely resembling a [[Chris Loses It|wounded animal]]. Chris punches some more air in random directions, but with much, much less force than when he started 20 seconds ago. Chris crouches down and does a very, very slow spinning kick where that looks particularly ineffectual. Chris returns to the camera, flashes a victory sign, and <s>assures the viewer that there is a tiny Chinese woman inside of him</s> <s>informs the viewer that there is a small dildo up his ass</s> states:'']

I've got a little Chun Li, withiiiiin me.
==Remix==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = FALCCCCCCCCCONNNNNNN CHRIS
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GS_z-kM64rM}}
| Stardate = 20 August 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/puppetchaos puppetchaos]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS_z-kM64rM&feature=player_embedded The original video]
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Ballet
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YKXtDWOuL4U}}
| Stardate = 21 August 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ohhhmyaxels OhhhMyAxels]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type = ?????
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS_z-kM64rM&feature=player_embedded The original video]
}}

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Chan Lee|Wikipedia article on Chris Chan Lee]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]|nextlink=[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Chris and reality

2010-02-18T11:20:04Z

Magic8Ball: /* Alec calls */

I know most of this page is dedicated to how Chris screws up reality in the comics, but I couldn't let his latest videos go unnoticed. There was something odd about that statement that went beyond just the standard delusions of grandeur or unwarranted self-importance we've all grown used to. For a few brief moments, chris wasn't talking about being king of a media empire, he was talking about being mayor. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:00, 24 November 2009 (CET)

I also think we should add how Chris believes his dog house weighs 10 tons or that a 12 pack of lemonade weighs 50 pounds. I think that's pretty out of touch with reality. [[User:CWCattack|CWCattack]] 18:22, 24 November 2009 (CET)

Chris talks about his own life as being "canon" and some aspects are "non-canon." I think I discussed this elsewhere but anyone think this should be mentioned here? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:19, 28 December 2009 (CET)
*I think it deserves mentioning.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 08:23, 28 December 2009 (CET)

That should absolutely be added. I think sections should also be added on his lack of understanding of the sciences (e.g. the vaccine in Issue 10, the physics of lifting heavy objects etc). Man, at this rate, he's going to think he can retcon life itself... [[Sub-Episode 2|ohwait]]. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 08:30, 28 December 2009 (CET)

==Chris is the Mayor of Cwcville, VA, IN REAL LIFE==
[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence]] is a goldmine. Choice bits follow, no idea how to utilize them. [[User:Fenny|Fenny]] 03:18, 1 January 2010 (CET)

=== THAT DOES NOT MATTER ===
I ASK that the Ads be LIMITED ONLY onto the Side-Bar and NO WHERE ELSE. I DO NOT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT Jack Thaddeus; HE IS NOT DOING HIS OWN HOMOSEXUAL MALE KIND ANY FAVORS by TICKING ME OFF LIKE HE HAS BEEN DOING.

I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already Snail-Mailed President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.

I, Christian Weston Chandler, am NOT only the Mayor of Cwcville, VA, IN REAL LIFE as its Main Creator, but as such, without me, you would be just bored and not have my comics and stories to enjoy, and therefore, I am Captain of the Cwcipedia. I have full appreciation for being the Webmaster, but I will have Full Respect as Captain.

--ChrisChanSonichu 23:25, 31 December 2009 (CET)

== Size does not matter. ==

Reading from Left-To-Right in MOST Countries, as well as myself, I see the ads in the left first-off and Most Better anyway. Seeing the BIG Ad in the One Spot is as terrifying as the Flash Of Light at the Instant Millisecond of DEATH, or even, technologically, the Blue Screen Of Death. And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET.

== Sonichu Fact or Fiction ==

It's becoming increasingly interesting that Chris is referring to the trolls as "fiction." Does he think that Sonichu is real and that the stuff he does there affects people in real life? I can assume "yes" but I think someone needs to mailbag this. [[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 22:26, 25 January 2010 (UTC)

== Alec calls ==

I believe it was in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1]], Chris more or less believes (or at least this is the current prevailing theory) that there exists a "Toon World" ala [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit?|Who Framed Roger Rabbit?]] where every created cartoon character exists in a plane of reality, which is why Chris was enraged by Alec's depiction of Sonichu canon characters because they have feelings and Chris emphasizes more with his fictional characters than actual people (which isn't totally crazy - [[autism|autistics]] have been known to empathize more with animals than people).

I'm glad this call was finally made public because it says A LOT about Chris's grip of reality, in that he more or less believes that cartoons are real in that they exist in some other plane of existence and that's why he's threatened by people drawing a pickle of Rosechu, because there exists a Rosechu who is genuinely alive and existing who is in pain about pickles being drawn onto her.

This needs to be incorporated into the article. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:30, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

*I wrote a little paragraph about this. I wasn't sure where to put it so feel free to move it. --[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 22:28, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

I agree, but I'd like to point out it was in the second call, not the first. --[[User:Scarf|Scarf]] 21:53, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

This brings the Sonee porn into new light. New trolling tactic discovered. Draw CWCville burning to the ground repeatedly while the residents engage in depraved acts.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:12, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

A paragraph? This deserves far more. That Chris uses naive when Alec espouses disapproval means this idea is important to Chris. He doesn't want to kill Simonla because there is an actual Simonla out there in an acutal relationship with an actual Wild who would feel actual grief because of something of Chris' own doing. He doesn't like Sonichu getting abused in fanart because there's an actual Sonichu who sees this. This isn't something to tape on to the article, this IS the article. All the offhand things like "they can take of that themselves." make perfect sense. Chris isn't saying that his works don't need justification due to quality or something, he's saying that 'onichu and Rosechu are intelligent, living, breathing things, with opinions and feelings and that they exist because they were scribed. He's saying that his comic depicts an actual city full of people with souls and dreams. He's saying that by having God appear to intertwine Ivy and himself, God actually descended to intertwine them. This isn't a mere aspect of his delusion, this ''IS'' his delusion. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 23:20, 13 February 2010 (UTC)
*I agree. This article needs a massive rewrite and to be centered around these new facts. That Chris really does believe his fictional characters are real blows this whole thing wide open. Everything else is now minor information. THIS is what we should be focusing on. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:15, 14 February 2010 (UTC)

*I'd kinda suspected he thought his characters were sentient, but I never thought he'd actually admit to it point blank like that. [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 11:20, 18 February 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Mailbag 50

2010-01-30T22:48:11Z

Magic8Ball:

I'll get started on putting in the letters [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 18:47, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

== Ugh ==
Now Chris picks and chooses which letters are shown? So now Chris is immune to being called out on his bullshit and the mailbags are now his new ego booster? How the fuck did he get to do that? I thought that the sysop recieves the emails and puts in the ones she approves of into the mailbag. Does Chris have acess to the account then? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:03, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

*No, if you notice, Chris is actually responding to posts in a forum. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 18:58, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
*Forum posts? So these havn't been sent in to the mailbag or..? I'm sorry. It seems i'm a little out of the loop on the way the mailbags work. Could you please explain quickly what exactly Chris has done here? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:03, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
** Simple: Chris doesn't have access to the email address where the mailbag questions are sent. Rather than dig through his personal email for questions to answer, he just went to a Sonichu "fan forum" and copied some of the forum threads there as a way to fill up the mailbag. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 19:06, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
**Ahh. So this isn't a real mailbag then? These are just forum posts made to look like letters? Thats good. For a moment there I thought he took over the mailbag email account. Hey, I wonder what the sysop will say about this? Hhmm...--[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:16, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
***You overestimate Chrissy. He tried to hack ED with HTML--he is far too stupid to gain access to the mailbag account, and even if he did, he's far too stupid to keep it secret for long. --[[User:James Lamp-Eye|James Lamp-Eye]] 19:26, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
***Yeah. I know. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Its just that I thought it was a real mailbag. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:44, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

Wow. This is a new fucking low. Did he bold all those lines himself?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 22:11, 30 January 2010 (UTC)
*Yes, he did. Apparently, he wanted to point out stuff that either shows him in a good light, Asperchu in a bad light and... some other reason I forgot. But, yeah... --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 22:16, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

10 bucks says chris doesn't know what "avant garde" means-- [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 22:48, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-01-25T10:17:03Z

Magic8Ball: added section on his high standards for women

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of The Simpsons.]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be [[Sonichu (comic)|forced to actually put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Despite this, he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school (in a scandalously revealing outfit). At age 27 Chris has dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], regular sleep patterns, and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his [[Resume|resume]], Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a dime). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris was employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] in check, [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing [[Niggos|tolerance]] [[JERKS|and]] [[Homos|respect]] for other people, and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[Monthly tugboat|money]] or [[Gal pals|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris [[Myspace|distances himself]] from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and Health|seriously]] [[Duck|physically]] [[Chris|deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]] and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants from time to time]], and he found nothing strange about [[Recycling#Recycling|jerking off into a cup and chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face]] because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra that he wears happily]]. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]]. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them any amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag_7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that no gay person had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack is also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they [[recycling|do]] behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that gays are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china|vagina]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villanous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay but she's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with [[Recycling|drinking his own semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He has owned several [[sex toys]] designed to go up his ass, and he's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.''' That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works - legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>.

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "parodic", but doesn't like creations that he has labelled "parodies" either.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[EBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where [[Homos|homosexuality]] is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from [[Family Guy]], and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras,]] to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman actually willing to participate]].

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (a idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated ([[Fail|without success]]) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Strangely, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

A big example of Chris's hypocrisy are the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys|toys]]

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight lazy slob,]] yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]" Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Evan

2010-01-22T10:59:16Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:Detailsonichurule34.png|thumb|90px|right|One of Evan's first Sonichu art.]]

Rewind to [[2007]]: [[Sonichu]] was found on the Cartoons image board at [[4chan]]. It soon made its way over to Video Games. On November 3rd, a "fan art" (read: dickgirls) thread for Sonichu was made at /v/ and someone suggested that someone there should do the honors of sending him the e-mails. Thinking it to be a good idea at the time, [[Evan]] collected the best images from the thread and a pornographic MS Paint comic he himself drew (pornographic MS Paint comics being his <s>disgusting</s> hilarious specialty to this very day) and sent it to [[Chris-chan]]'s AOL e-mail account.

The [[Masturbating and squirtin'|reply]] he got shocked a nation.

The line "masturbating and squirtin'" was the first sign of Chris-chan's more perverse side, and most hilarious of all was the angry drawing of Chris-chan and Sonichu made just for his response, with the words "We're Keeping Track." The [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page was initially made solely to house the responses Evan had been getting and the fan art he had been sending. Eventually Chris-chan threatened to create Evan in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' and beat him up much like he had [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Evan sent him a drawing of himself just so he could create such a video. However, he never replied and largely forgot these e-mails even happened.

==After the e-mails==

Afterwards he remained in on the Sonichu scene for some time. After initially drawing up fan art in MS Paint of the Ghostbusters car from the preview of [[Sonichu 8]], the image was actually used in the comic when it was officially released. Evan was oddly credited by his Encyclopedia Dramatica account name, implying that Chris got the image from ED. However, if he had any sense, he would've realized the same account was used to post those HATEFUL and SLANDEROUS e-mails that ruined his life.

[[Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png|thumb|150px|right|The awful fancharacter that eventually became [[Simonla|worse]]]]

Ironically, in spite of directly confessing multiple times that he was responsible for the Encyclopedia Dramatica articles due to the e-mails he had sent, Chris-chan still blames [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to this day.

Eventually he thought it'd be funny to try and get a fan character into Sonichu, creating "Simonchu" due to his at-the-time addiction to ''Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann''. This totally backfired on him as Chris-chan turned it into [[mass debating|mass debate]] material, making Simonchu into the character [[Simonla]].

==Now==

For some time, Evan attempted to get Simonla Rosechu removed from the comics, stating anger at Simonla being given a china (which is sort of ironic considering that he gave Rosechu a pickle, but Chris isn't clever enough for that). Christian decided he would include Simonchu in [[Sonichu 9|Episode 20]] after reading these e-mails, which would have lead to TWO shitty recolors running around instead of one less as intended--if Chris had actually included Simonchu.

[[Image:GDChandler.png|thumb|left|A recent image from the Simonchu comics.]]

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris had mentioned to a fan that Evan allowed him to edit Simochu in Simonla. Soon after, Evan sent an [[Mailbag 22|e-mail]] to Chris on the CWCipedia, calling BS on comment, only to be ignored. Evan sent a [[Mailbag 26|second e-mail]], demanding that, as his character, Simonla be killed off on-screen. Evan got a response, blankly informing him that Simonla was essentially HIS character now, since he decided she would date Wild.

Evan persisted in his actions to remove Simonla from the comic, his e-mails to the mailbag either being answered bluntly or being entirely ignored. Chris insisted on what he called "The Brother/Sister Plan", stating he would install Simonchu into the comics as Simonla's brother. However, Evan protested this, not wanting TWO bastardizations of his character running around. The situation culminated in an [[Mailbag 43#...Well,_this_is_disturbing!|email originally sent to enlighten Chris on the use of IP addresses]]. As a sidenote, Evan asked Chris to remove Simonla once more; Chris promptly retorted with a long-winded and completely bizarre statement:

{{quote|YOUR Simonchu came to Cwcville while I was holding a Town Meeting, came up to Simonla (Simonchu's Sister) while The True Wild Sonichu was with Her. Simonchu told Simonla that you wanted her back home as quickly as possible. Simonla REFUSED Heavily; She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as "Ecgville"...

...Later, Simonchu reports to you that she refuses to return to you, and you realize that with MY G.D.C. Powers, you have to let it be and move on in peace in real life. I am the Great Director Chandler!|Chris, [[Chris and reality|completely losing his grip on reality.]]}}

Ironically, earlier that day Chris uploaded an image to CWCipedia encouraging support for aid to the 2010 Haiti earthquake disaster, depicting Simonchu and Simonla working together to build a table. The construction of this table was so monumental that the two placed a plaque in front of it stating [[Chris and reality|"Rebuilt by the Brother/Sister Team of Simonla and Simonchu"]]. So first Simonchu and Simonla are on good terms, now Simonla has her boyfriend go out to kill him?

Currently, Evan is working on ''Simonchu'', a comic series describing the adventures of Simonchu as Evan intended. It is hosted on the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]], due to Evan entrusting the rights of Simonchu to Alec Benson Leary. Whether Chris' mysterious G.D.C. powers have taken their effect on Evan's free will remains to be seen.

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Evan1203 Evan's ED account]
*[http://evang-y.deviantart.com/ Evan's DeviantArt account]
*[http://simonchucomics.deviantart.com/ Evan's alternative DA account and the home of the comic about the adventures of the TRUE and ORIGINAL Simonchu. (Still updates regularly.)]
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=7631380&x=sonichu 4chanarchive link of the Sonichu fanart thread]. Later down the thread posters begin conspiring to send the posted images to him, and a shot of the fateful e-mail that started this enormous mess can be seen.
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=7656940&x=sonichu+response The thread made to unveil Chris-chan's response.] This would be the first contact between Chris-chan and his SLANDEROUS troll enemies. Evan was banned from /v/ for a week because of this thread, for "conspiring invasion". If they only knew.

{{trolls}}
{{people}}
[[Category:People]][[Category:Trolls]]

Talk:Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)

2010-01-20T22:23:10Z

Magic8Ball:

Page sucks now, but it's late. I'm still figuring out a lot of Wikifying so any help (especially formatting) would be appreciated. [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 12:01, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
*I dunno. Part of me's thinking that this should go into the main [[Chaotic Combo]] article.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 16:33, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
*This definitely belongs in the [[Fan:Asperchu]] page, with at most a brief mention in the main Chaotic Combo article to explain what the fuck is going on with what looks to be the regular Chaotic Combo in [[Sonichu 10]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:12, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
** I'm not sure, I mean as far as Chris figures these are "different" characters than his, and with the exception of Mitch they don't exist at all in Asperchu. (so far) Since it's likely that they will never appear again, I think the way it's laid out now, with the brief explanation and the gallery, works pretty well. But, your call I guess. [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 20:56, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
::*Alright, after looking at this article again (I foolishly assumed this was some article discussing the Chaotic Combo in the Asperchu canon), I really think this should just go into the Chaotic Combo article then. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:18, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
* I agree with [[User:Champthom|Champthom]] this page needs to merge with the Chaotic Combo page. --[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 4:29 20 January 2010 (CET)
* I've got no objections, especially if we never see these characters again (which is likely, because this is Chris.) [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]]

Talk:Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)

2010-01-20T20:56:44Z

Magic8Ball:

Talk:Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)

2010-01-20T12:01:49Z

Magic8Ball: Created page with 'Page sucks now, but it's late. I'm still figuring out a lot of Wikifying so any help (especially formatting) would be appreciated. ~~~~'

Page sucks now, but it's late. I'm still figuring out a lot of Wikifying so any help (especially formatting) would be appreciated. [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 12:01, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)

2010-01-20T11:58:03Z

Magic8Ball: Created page with '{{Ongoing}} In what may be the world's only attempt at intra-comic retconning, in issue 10 Chris-Chan attempted to alter the plot of the Asperchu comic from…'

{{Ongoing}}

In what may be the world's only attempt at intra-comic retconning, in [[issue 10]] Chris-Chan attempted to alter the plot of [[Fan:Asperchu|the Asperchu comic]] from within the pages of his Sonichu comic. Oddly enough Chris fully expects Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary to comply with the "extreme electric makeover" and continue on with it in the Asperchu comics. This ultimatum was basically ignored by Alec, (with the exception of the inclusion of Mitch Sonichu as a new character) The end result being even more useless characters he can forget about after a few pages, and Asperchu pretty much continuing on as normal.

===Chaotic Combo in Asperchu===

In the world of Asperchu, Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo are a group of heroic vigilantes fighting an underground guerilla war in the streets of CWCville to free the town from the despotic clutches of [[Chris-Chan|Ian Brandon Anderson]] and return the rightful [[Liquid Chris|Mayor]] to power.

===In the Sonichu Comic===

In Issue 10 of the fan comic "Sonichu" the fake Chris-Chan sends his alternate-reality's Sonichu into the world of Asperchu. The evil doppleganger somehow manages to capture the TRUE and HONEST Chaotic Combo and, through a combination of plastic surgery and brainwashing has turned them into the twisted and depraved shadows of their former selves they are today. Each of them has lost their real identities and, with the help of Mitch Sonichu, (The Real and Honest Sonichu's somewhat effeminate flannel wearing joyboy) quest to recover their real selves.

===Members===

{{incomplete}}

==Michael Sonichu==
[[Image:Michael Sonichu.jpg|thumb|left]]

==Kitty Rosechu==
[[Image:Kitty Rosechu.jpg|thumb|left]]

==Bobby Sonichu==
[[Image:Bobby Sonichu.jpg|thumb|left]]

==Trisha Rosechu==
[[Image:Trisha Rosechu.jpg|thumb|left]]

==Swift Sonichu==

[[Image:Swift Sonichu.jpg|thumb|left]]

==Whisp Sonichu==

[[Image:Whisp Sonichu.jpg|thumb|left]]

==Mitch Sonichu==

[[Image:Mitch Sonichu.jpg|thumb|left]]

File:Whisp Sonichu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:26:44Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Trisha Rosechu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:26:28Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Swift Sonichu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:26:11Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Mitch Sonichu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:25:50Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Michael Sonichu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:25:34Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Kitty Rosechu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:25:10Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Bobby Sonichu.jpg

2010-01-20T11:24:46Z

Magic8Ball:

Collosal Chan

2010-01-20T08:47:55Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:CollosalChan.jpg|thumb|right|Hey, spare some change?]]

'''Collosal''' ''(sic)'' '''Chris-Chan''' (aka '''Hobo Chan''') is yet another Mary Sue form of [[Chris]] in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. He, like [[Ultra Sonichu]], is the result of "[[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystal]] Power" after all seven of the Chaotic Crystals have assembled. Anticipate terror, especially after what they did to [[4-Cent Garbage]] shortly before their transformation.

Collosal-Chan is, surprisingly, the size of regular Chris-chan.

==Sonichu 10==

Hobo-chan makes his first and, if we're to take Chris's word for it, last appearance in [[Sonichu 10]]. Using the power of the Chaotic Crystals he transforms into what is essentially a glorified super form, bearing a few similarities to the Level 4 Super Saiyan transformation from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Dragon_Ball_GT_episodes Dragon Ball GT]''. For some reason, the [[Anime Wings|anime wings]] won't cut it this time around, like they were used more than [[Sub-Episode 4|once]].

Despite the name, "Collosal" [[Chris-Chan]] appears to be [[Obesity|exactly the same size he always is]].

The first thing he does is rescues [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. He, also, plans to go to [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] afterward. Arriving in Minnesota, he jacks into the [[Hex Bawx|HEX BAWX]] of Alec Benson Leary, enters its computer world, somehow deletes everything connected to the Asperpedia, then blows up the HEX BAWX.
{{clear}}

==Powers==
So far, Chris has displayed Collosal Chan with strange, almost even more god-like powers.The most basic of which are flight and telepathy. On top of that, he is shown to enter the Dark Mirror Hole effortlessly and retrieve Crystal from the mirror, connect into a computer via its USB port (and his finger... somehow...) and create a version of himself to destroy everything and create a Lightning Bomb and some sort of barrier to prevent the bomb from blowing up other stuff.

At this point, these are the only powers utilized in the comic itself, but it's a fairly safe bet that Hobo-Chan will have access to all powers of his previous forms (the Curse-ye-ha-me-hah for example) any ability that the Chaotic Combo (or any other character)possesses, in addition to any power deemed neccessary to save the day.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:ColossalChan.jpg
Image:SchuComic10P44.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]

{{stub}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Collosal Chan

2010-01-20T08:47:02Z

Magic8Ball: /* Powers */

[[Image:CollosalChan.jpg|thumb|right|Hey, spare some change?]]

'''Collosal''' ''(sic)'' '''Chris-Chan''' (aka '''Hobo Chan''') is yet another Mary Sue form of [[Chris]] in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. He, like [[Ultra Sonichu]], is the result of "[[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystal]] Power" after all seven of the Chaotic Crystals have assembled. Anticipate terror, especially after what they did to [[4-Cent Garbage]] shortly before their transformation.

Collosal-Chan is, surprisingly, the size of regular Chris-chan.

==Sonichu 10==

Hobo-chan makes his first and, if we're to take Chris's word for it, last appearance in [[Sonichu 10]]. Using the power of the Chaotic Crystals he transforms into what is essentially a glorified super form, bearing a few similarities to the Level 4 Super Saiyan transformation from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Dragon_Ball_GT_episodes Dragon Ball GT]''. For some reason, the [[Anime Wings|anime wings]] won't cut it this time around, like they were used more than [[Sub-Episode 4|once]].

Despite the name, "Collosal" [[Chris-Chan]] appears to be [[Obesity|exactly the same size he always is]].

The first thing he does is rescues [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. He, also, plans to go to [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] afterward. Arriving in Minnesota, he jacks into the [[Hex Bawx|HEX BAWX]] of Alec Benson Leary, enters its computer world, somehow deletes everything connected to the Asperpedia, then blows up the HEX BAWX.
{{clear}}

==Powers==
So far, Chris has displayed Collosal Chan with strange, almost even more god-like powers.The most basic of which are flight and telepathy. On top of that, he is shown to enter the Dark Mirror Hole effortlessly and retrieve Crystal from the mirror, connect into a computer via its USB port (and his finger... somehow...) and create a version of himself to destroy everything and create a Lightning Bomb and some sort of barrier to prevent the bomb from blowing up other stuff.

So far these are the only powers displayed in the comic itself, but it's a fairly safe bet that Hobo-Chan will have access to all powers of his previous forms (the Curse-ye-ha-me-hah for example) any ability that the Chaotic Combo (or any other character)possesses, in addition to any power deemed neccessary to save the day.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:ColossalChan.jpg
Image:SchuComic10P44.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]

{{stub}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Talk:Ultra Sonichu

2010-01-20T01:34:37Z

Magic8Ball:

what happens if he collides with another boy pikachu? --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 13:05, 7 July 2009 (CEST)

I'm guessing the almighty Chris will come down and punish them all. Have you noticed that on Ultra Sonichu's Animal Crossing Character Card it doesn't even bother to hide the plagiarism? It says Chaos Emeralds, not Sonichu Balls. --[[User:Nayiri|Nayiri]] needs to learn to sign their posts
*i think chris originally planned for sonichu to use the chaos emeralds. the sonichu balls were likely invented at the same time as the chaotic combo, some time after sonichu himself, probably when he started the comics. --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 17:03, 14 July 2009 (CEST)

== Will he ever make a comic appearance? ==

I'm speculating that Chris as actually completely forgotten about Ultra Sonichu. --[[User:CrassCrab|The Great Wizard CrassCrab, Lord of the Seven Realm and Master of the Archane Black Arts of the Eleventh Trans-Dimensional Vortex]] 16:39, 4 December 2009 (CET)
* Knowing him, it's pretty likely that he did. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 17:30, 4 December 2009 (CET)
** Guess he showed you guys. -[[User:Ezra Mason|Ezra Mason]] 01:29, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

== Hyper Sonichu = Jesus ==

It's kind of hard not to see the symbolism. Granted, Chris doesn't really do subtle symbolism so it's more like being repeatedly hit over the head with a hammer.

There's the argument for how messianic a figure is for pretty much any fictional character with super powers (Superman, Neo, Ect.) but Chris's terrible writing makes his character too godlike and Sonichu the obvious Christ analog. Still, I'm gonna wait on it for a little bit before I add my thoughts on this matter to the article. Something tells me Chris is gonna push it completely over the edge soon and I'd rather not do a bunch of rewrites.

I just want to know if I'm the only one who sees this.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:13, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
* Oh, you're not the only one. It's obvious to see that, here, Chris portrays himself as a god-like figure and Sonichu, his "son", is the Christ analog. It's probably been hinted at since issue 0 (That whole "I will! Thank you, father!" bit), got a bit ham-fisted come Sonichu 8 and this is just pushing it to extremes.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 01:24, 20 January 2010 (UTC)
** I really hope Chris continues down this road, I think it's hilarious [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 01:34, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Chris and religion

2010-01-19T12:35:50Z

Magic8Ball: /* Delusions of Godhood? */

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}

'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, pornography, and masturbation. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents...shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified Methodist church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRISTIAN ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|right|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|But then God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus") as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail]]s at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has never backed him up on said threats.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in visions. He has never specified the nature of these visions, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. To wit, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was been accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these people subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. Thus proving that God (if he exists,) is not responsible for Chris's various hubris.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus, that he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterwards anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

As with many Christians, it's important to ask them why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why you have suffered at the hands of him? However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris' strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". He seems to think prayer is like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it and applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.

===Afterlife===
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.|Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV), on how it is impossible to ''earn'' salvation.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, on [[Mailbag 30#Questions|earning salvation]].}}
While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Christian theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which the entire Christian faith is based.

Like everything else, Chris [[Fail|fails]] at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He [[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|personally believes he will go to heaven]] because he's done "[[Lie|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[Homos|homosexuals]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris also [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the Hindu concept reincarnation]], though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

== The Bear ==
For some odd reason, Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|refers]] to both God and "[[Christopher's name change|The Bear]]" as the ones who gave him his name at Regency Square Shopping center in 1989. "The Bear" refers to a conducting bear who mistook "Christopher" for "Christian" in 1989; which Chris seems to think was a sign from God to change his name.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggest that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that any sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. See [[Chris and Sex]]
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is hereditary or the result of over consumption, but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. [[Cole Smithey|putting his brother's questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him]]), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]].
*'''Sloth''': Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': His attitude towards other men as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life. See [[Chris and his Ego]] for more information.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshipping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem]] with premarital sex in general.
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]]
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant between God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit |attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]
Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled; and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. For Chris, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him so. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], while being a threat, also seem to be his attempts at somehow harming the trolls as well through [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_magic sympathetic magic]. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting. The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside but parallel to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) will devour his soul and haunt his [[Dreams|dreams]].

While Chris has indeed used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in the past in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the 'kidnapping' of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. He later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed; but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

For all we know, he's gonna start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement for the comics.

==Delusions of Godhood?==

In [[Issue 10]] starting on page 42 Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of the comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using the Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched like on a Crucifix)

Later on in the issue Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]] where the characters of that comic inform him that they were being forced into their roles by Alec,and they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-Chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their Asperger's Syndrome (even though none of them but Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new "better" looks.

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the surburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Taoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Chris and religion

2010-01-19T12:02:52Z

Magic8Ball: /* Issue 10 page 48 */

==To do==
*Chris's warped version of Christianity (homosexuality = bad, lesbianism = good, sex before marriage = okay).
*his twisted double standard of morality (anyone else lies = "vicious lies and slander", Chris outright lies = "half-truths"; also how Adam Stackhouse cheating = bad, Chris cheating = okay).
*God's influence on his dreams
*how Chris is guilty of all seven deadly sins

==God is a Troll==

If we assume God exists and it was God who talked to Chris could it be argued that God is trolling chris as well?

==Split==
I'll entertain the motion of splitting off GodJesus into its own page, since Chris has invoked God specifically in much of his work, which can be considered a separate thing to how Chris views religion, in addition to GodJesus being in the comic and a popular meme amongst trolls. We can document all the times Chris has invoked GodJesus in various media.

Thoughts? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 12:07, 2 September 2009 (CEST)

I guess go on. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 11:11, 3 September 2009 (CEST)

That could actually be really funny, thinking about it. Go for it! --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 18:36, 30 October 2009 (CET)

Sounds like a good plan. --[[User:AdderCress|AdderCress]] 23:55, 3 December 2009 (CET)

==The Seven Deadly Sins==
The seven deadly sins aren't really 7 specific sins so much as seven categories that cover all sins. In other words, every wrongdoing is motivated, in one way or another By Greed, Sloth, Lust, Pride, Wrath, Gluttony, or Envy. So whether it's lying to save face (pride) raging against guys with girlfriends (Wrath, Lust, Envy) or basically anything else Chris does at all, it all goes back to one of the deadly sins.

That said, I doubt there's any need to actually include that in the article. Making this whole paragraph moot, I guess. whatever.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:38, 15 October 2009 (CEST)

:Apparently someone doesn't like the Seven Deadly sins portion of this page much at all. Does the article really need it? I mean, all it does it repeat the point that Chris wallows in wrongdoing. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 19:20, 19 November 2009 (CET)

===10 Commandments===
Now that's better. I'm half-tempted to delete the 7 deadly sins part completely now that we have this. To whoever wrote it, you're awesome. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:28, 11 December 2009 (CET)

Thanks. :^D [[User:Tyranogre|Tyranogre]] 06:04, 11 December 2009 (CET)

==Possession?==

christfag here i believe chris might be possessed or demonically oppressed having cast demons out of people before he acts very similar to them [[User:Ultrajinx|ultrajinx]] 17:31, 20 November 2009 (CET)

of course if this is true and if some one at his church has half a brain and recognizes this expect the saga to be over very quickly
(this is just a theory after all) [[User:Ultrajinx|ultrajinx]] 17:36, 20 November 2009 (CET)

:I'm also a Christian, but I really don't think there's much evidence here for demonic possession. Chris strikes me as just a terrible person on the whole, not a terrible person the devil is controlling.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:56, 20 November 2009 (CET)

::The devil is wasting his time if he's controlling Chris. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 18:54, 20 November 2009 (CET)

but if he is truly born again then he can't be possessed only oppressed [[User:Ultrajinx|ultrajinx]] 15:32, 21 November 2009 (CET)

the only reason i started thinking about this was when in one of the many chats he mentions how he hears things like "chris is gay" [[User:Ultrajinx|ultrajinx]] 04:16, 22 November 2009 (CET)

==Other Religions?==

Should we document Chris's opinions on religions other than his own? Unfortunately, there's not much to go by, save a few Mumble chats and recent mailbag responses, but he seems tolerant of other people's beliefs (although this could be attributed to his willing ignorance of everything outside Virginia). --[[User:AdderCress|AdderCress]] 00:00, 4 December 2009 (CET)

Thanks, Dkaien. --[[User:AdderCress|AdderCress]] 21:35, 4 December 2009 (CET)
:*That's definitely going to be hard since Chris is unfamiliar with any non-Christian religion. Hell, he doesn't really know the difference between Catholics and Protestants. {{unsigned|AntonImausMk2}}

Chris said in [[Mailbag 21#In which Chris receives a letter from the son of God|the mailbag]] that he agrees with all of Fred Nile's views, and Fred Nile is apparently quite anti-Muslim. Make of that what you will. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 07:51, 21 December 2009 (CET)

== Source? ==

Has Chris ever actually been asked why he believes that there is pain and suffering if there is a loving God? The page suggests he has, but I can't find any source for it. --[[User:Mekka|Mekka]] 03:22, 15 December 2009 (CET)

== Reincarnation ==

[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from the doctor|Right here]].

Chris's religion is now basically just a mishmash of every faith he's ever heard of, with a good helping of shit he just plain made up.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:20, 21 December 2009 (CET)

== Afterlife ==

So I wrote a little bit about Chris's stance on the hereafter, and how it really doesn't have anything in common with Christianity. I just kinda tacked it onto the end of GodJesus, because I couldn't really think of anywhere else it would fit properly.

Pretty much the entire idea of Christianity is that Jesus saves, and that it's impossible to save ourselves no matter how many good deeds we do. It's weird, considering he bases so much of his identity on it, but Chris really isn't a Christian at all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 08:26, 3 January 2010 (CET)

I think it's possible that he actually doesn't give a damn about Christianity; and that he follows it for his own personal gain. If he ignores most of what Christians believe, and how he's selfish as fuck when it comes to referencing GODJEBUS (Like that time he mentioned how God would send the trolls to hell if they didn't listen to him, for example) then I would assume that Chris really doesn't care much

== Issue 10 page 48 ==

So, we have a hedgehog kneeling in prayer before some sort of altar, a stone rolling away from a tomb by itself, and hyper Sonichu, in a church window, assuming the pose Christ had when he died on the cross. Chris just made Jesus Christ an orange Homophobic hedgehog. I'll try and add this to the main article when I'm done raging, because honestly, this is blasphemy on levels I didn't think Chris was capable of.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:53, 15 January 2010 (UTC)
*I just saw this and... like they say: you think you've seen Chris hit the lowest, then he ends up outdoing himself.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 06:11, 15 January 2010 (UTC)
** The worst part is that that page is stained with something-or-other. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:08, 18 January 2010 (UTC)
** I added a bit about Sonichu's apparent new Messianic role, feel free to add/edit/delete if you think it sucks, as up to this point my edits have been mostly minor typo corrections [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 12:02, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

== Satanism Comparison? ==

Or would Chris the Shaman cover most of the satanic-like things he's done, especially that fucked up attempt to brainwash us into hating Asperchu instead of Sonichu? --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 00:51, 18 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Please remember that we are talking about Chris here. He's pulling tons of stuff out without a hint of afterthought. At worst, he will ask pardon to GosJesus and everything will be well since he's forgiven. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 01:19, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

Chris and religion

2010-01-19T11:59:23Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}

'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, pornography, and masturbation. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents...shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified Methodist church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRISTIAN ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|right|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|But then God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus") as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail]]s at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has never backed him up on said threats.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in visions. He has never specified the nature of these visions, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. To wit, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was been accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these people subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. Thus proving that God (if he exists,) is not responsible for Chris's various hubris.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus, that he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterwards anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

As with many Christians, it's important to ask them why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why you have suffered at the hands of him? However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris' strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". He seems to think prayer is like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it and applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.

===Afterlife===
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.|Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV), on how it is impossible to ''earn'' salvation.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, on [[Mailbag 30#Questions|earning salvation]].}}
While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Christian theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which the entire Christian faith is based.

Like everything else, Chris [[Fail|fails]] at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He [[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|personally believes he will go to heaven]] because he's done "[[Lie|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[Homos|homosexuals]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris also [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the Hindu concept reincarnation]], though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

== The Bear ==
For some odd reason, Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|refers]] to both God and "[[Christopher's name change|The Bear]]" as the ones who gave him his name at Regency Square Shopping center in 1989. "The Bear" refers to a conducting bear who mistook "Christopher" for "Christian" in 1989; which Chris seems to think was a sign from God to change his name.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggest that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that any sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. See [[Chris and Sex]]
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is hereditary or the result of over consumption, but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. [[Cole Smithey|putting his brother's questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him]]), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]].
*'''Sloth''': Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': His attitude towards other men as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life. See [[Chris and his Ego]] for more information.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshipping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem]] with premarital sex in general.
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]]
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant between God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit |attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]
Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled; and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. For Chris, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him so. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], while being a threat, also seem to be his attempts at somehow harming the trolls as well through [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_magic sympathetic magic]. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting. The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside but parallel to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) will devour his soul and haunt his [[Dreams|dreams]].

While Chris has indeed used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in the past in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the 'kidnapping' of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. He later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed; but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

For all we know, he's gonna start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement for the comics.

==Delusions of Godhood?==

In [[Issue 10]] starting on page 42 Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of the comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using the Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched like on a Crucifix)

Later on in the issue Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]] where the characters of that comic inform him that they were being forced into their roles and they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness, and lo he did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their Asperger's Syndrome (even though none of them but Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new "better" looks.

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the surburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Taoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

The High School Story

2010-01-19T09:41:03Z

Magic8Ball:

[[The High School Story]] is a piece of alternate reality fiction [[Chris]] authored on the [[CWCipedia]] as part of his backstory for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].

[[Image:carrie.jpg|thumb| Terrah LeAnne Yowman: ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL!]]
==Summary==
In it, Chris creates another [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]] persona, Terrah LeAnne Yowman (one [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|gender-flipped Mary Sue]] wasn't enough for Chris), a [[Autism|high-functioning autistic young lady]] with psychic powers. She is accused of being a [[homo|lesbian]] even though she is STRAIGHT, and all because she has more guy friends than girl friends. Anybody calling her out on this is beaten the hell out of by a nearby mind-controlled homophobe, which is a perfectly responsible use of supernatural power. With little transition beyond establishing a [[Gal-pal|guy-pal]] with a suspiciously feminine name, Chris retells the story of his [[Manchester_High_School#Seinor_Prom|seinor prom]] inexplicably fused with [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|his graduation]].

Like in the real life high school graduation, Terrah is snubbed for awards despite the [[Honor_roll#Chris' award winning art work|awesomeness]] of <strike>his</strike> her artwork. The reasonable thing for her to do is throw a hissy fit about it while exploding the high school. A pity that her guy-friend was going to propose to her after the promduation. I mean besides wander the halls eternally drawing a hideous, mutant abomination 'pon the empty walls and kill time until [[Mary Lee Walsh]] ghostbusts her ass. How there even ''are'' halls for her to haunt is a bit of a mystery, since she annihilates the entire fucking building with her [[Chris and Anger|Hissy Fit]].

{{quote|PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!|Terrah LeAnne Yowman, [[lies|AND NOT CHRIS AT HIS GRADUATION]]}}

Chris, as always, fails to understand differences in gender relations and perception in society, as a man who hangs out with a lot of women as strictly friends is probably gay, while a woman who hangs out with a lot of guys as strictly friends is either a slut/tease/etc. using them, or she's a tomboy who is uninterested in hanging out with a clutch of back-stabbing harpies. The only reasonable interaction in the story—a boy proposing to a girl on prom night, which is a melodramatic cliche but still happens in real life once in a while—is soured when one realizes "Tippansten" is meant to be [[Tiffany Gowen|a girl]] Chris knew from high school, which means he also still wants a [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|heroine fresh from the shop]] to rescue him from a world that doesn't appreciate his "art."

Perhaps this desire to be rescued is what prompted him to try out the gender-flip itself, as well: in heterosexual romantic relationships, it's generally the guy who is expected to initiate things by asking the girl out. Chris, however, given his [[Noviophobia]], the dreaded [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], and because he's never had to work for anything in his life, would prefer to take the passive role. Therefore he creates a female alter ego, for whom this passivity will hopefully be seen as more acceptable. Sadly, Terrah [[fail]]s just as badly as Chris did, and, just like he probably will, dies a [[virgin with rage]].

This story also confirms that Chris has not even a slight grasp of names, and [[Fail|can't name for shit.]] (Seriously, [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]]? And now ''Tippansten''? ''Yowman''? And a raccoon cheerleader named Francine ''StripeCheer?'')

Francine StripeCheer is an analogue to [[Bionic]], not [[Sonichu]]. Notice how Bionic the basketball-playing hedgehog was turned into a cheerleading raccoon, as Chris is far too sexist to have a girl playing a real sport.

You may be wondering if Chris [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripped this off]] from Stephen King's ''[[Wikipedia:Carrie (novel)|Carrie]]. ''It has been suggested that Chris is too sheltered to have read the novel, however it is likely that Chris has seen the movie adaptation of it. By no coincidence, the movie ''Carrie'' appeared in Chris' netflix queue before he wrote this story. Considering how Chris can equate the death of his [[Patti Chandler|dog]] to the death of a [[Ryan Cash|human being]], it's easy to think he would consider not getting his stupid little awards exactly as bad (if not worse) than having pig's blood dumped on him.

==Text==
{{Quotebox|The High School used to be the respectable school, known as [[Manchester High School|Menchi-Nasu High]]. It was left behind and abandoned, because of lack of funds for that one school. Then the students left, and the "students" bummed around. There was an accident that happened at a [[Manchester_High_School#Seinor_Prom|Seinor Prom]] in [[1999]]; a [[autism|High-Functioning Autistic]] individual with Psychic Powers, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Terrah LeAnne Yowman]], roamed the halls with growing social outreachings; she had a number of good guy-pals, and a few [[gal-pals]]. She was constantly ridiculed with being labeled a [[homos|Lesbian]], because she hung out with MORE DUDES Mutually.

She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.

Come her Seinor Prom in 1999, she asked her Best Guy-Pal, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tippanston Gowen]], to the Prom. And even though she felt nervous at first, he asked her to dance. She replied, "I have two left-feet." Still, he took her hand, and danced the night with her. She was most happy and in peace. Then after the last dance, he kissed her long and good. If she was still alive today, she would have been anxiously waiting for the 2009 Reunion to return the favor of Gowen offering the Strong Autistic individual the best night of their life at the Prom.

Now, Terrah was a [[lie|Great]] Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High.

Following the last dance, they had the [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|Seinor Awards Ceremony]]; ALL the students stayed until the FINAL END of that night. Terrah got a Star-Pin for her Good Grades; that was the ONLY AWARD she would receive that night. She anxously awaited Awards for her Inspiring, Creative Artwork she had Hand-Painted, Carved, Molded, Drawn and all Media Taught to her, yet she received NO AWARDS FOR HER CREATIVITY. She felt distraught even when called out the passing of the ART AWARDS; Her Name was NOT SAID at all.

Only Few Left early enough to tell the tale, but AFTER the final award was passed, and during the FINAL DANCE, she was beside herself; feeling alone. In her Furious Rage in not being appreciated Creatively EVEN ONCE, she concentrated ALL HER PSYCHIC POWERS, SHOUTED "PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!", then a NOVA FLASH beamed from the Prom location, seen from as far as a Hundred Miles away. All that remained was Total Silence, Terrah's gown and Star Pin, and just nearby the gown, Tippanston's Dress Jacket, with a Wedding Ring in a box, and engraved in it, "To Terrah, My Sweetest, Most Creative Woman Ever. I Love You." Tippanston wanted to wait till he had brought her back home to propose, but sadly, he died with her that night.

Since then, Terrah haunted the halls of Menchi-Nasu High, drawing the Cheerleader Raccoon Character, [[Bionic|Francine StripeCheer]], she had created from her freshman year as Varsity Cheerleader Manager. }}

==tl;dr==
Chris cannot move on from high school.

==The same thing, in fan comic form==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:F1p11.jpg
Image:F1p12.jpg
Image:F1p13.jpg
Image:F1p14.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==See also:==
*[[Fan:Fan Comic 1]]

{{Writings}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:High School Story}}
[[Category:Prose]]

File:Carrie.jpg

2010-01-19T09:32:40Z

Magic8Ball:

Allison Amber

2010-01-19T09:03:40Z

Magic8Ball:

'''Allison Amber''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s secretary in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]]. She was introduced in [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]] to explain how Chris can run CWCville without actually doing any work.

==Backstory==
[[Image:Allison Amber 1.jpg|thumb|200px|right|What's that, Mr. Chandler? You want me to take care of your talking zombie dog? Well, I guess the fire department's payroll can wait until tomorrow...]]
In Episode 12.5, Chris introduced his dog [[Patti]] to the storyline by having her magically transformed into the talking, bipedal [[Patti-Chan]]. Chris took her to his [[CWCville Mayoral Office|mayoral office]] in [[CWCville]], where she could run free among all the other furfags without grossing anyone out.

{{quote|Not only is it a home-away-from-home, but every city document, every public decision, every single fun event that goes on in this community are all planned and stored here in these four walls.|Chris, describing his communist hallucinations to his dead dog}}

Writing this part of the story must have forced Chris to give serious thought to his fictional duties as mayor, in light of the events of [[Sonichu 4]], where he was shown mostly sitting around in various shops and fast food places goofing off and praying for women to notice him. Typical of Chris's thought process, he quickly realized the solution to this plot hole: He has his secretary do everything for him.

Enter Allison Amber, a former movie star who retired in her 20s to pursue her dream of working as a mayoral aide. This would be an interesting premise, except Chris has no interest in exploring the irony of a successful movie star aspiring to be a humble secretary. Instead, this seems to just be more window dressing for Chris's fantasy life of having the ultimate goal of any woman be submissive to him. Not only does he have super powers, not only does he rule a whole city like a king, but he's also got a movie star handling his paperwork.

According to Sonichu #6, Allison is 26 years old, white, and blonde. One would wonder why he doesn't just go out with her instead of getting arrested for loitering at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], so Chris established that Allison is currently "in a relationship with her... ugh... boyfriend." <s>It seems that creating an actual imaginary lover for himself is the one line that Chris has too much pride to cross, so at least he's not as pathetic as [[wikipedia: Stephanie Meyer|Stephanie Meyer]].</s> Disregard that, he gave himself a [[Lovely_Weather|wife.]] Whom he also rapes, and then [[Meg_Griffin|cheats on]]. Meyer is a modern Shakespeare compared to him!

Quite possibly the most depressing character in the series. Because, let's face it, the only thing more pathetic than being Christian Westion Chandler would have to be being his assistant. This makes Allison a popular character in troll works, usually played up as a sensible woman who grudgingly tolerates Chris's madness.

==Duties==
[[Image:Allison Amber 2.jpg|thumb|300px|right|PROTIP: Don't reference good comics in your crappy comic.]]
[[Image:330-AllisonAmber.jpg|thumb|left|An early version of Allison Amber.]]
As Chris explains to Patti, Allison receives "incoming documents", looks them over, and then explains the gist of them to Chris over the phone. She then scans the documents, and uploads them to the "CWCville Sattelite", which relays the information to Chris's Nintendo DS, which apparently has Wi-Fi capabilities as well as P.D.A. functions. Chris can then read the documents for himself on the DS, and sign off on them using the touchscreen and stylus. The documents are then sent back to Amber, who prints them off with Chris's signature.

Alternately, Allison could just forge Chris's signature and save a lot of time and trouble, but she probably sends a few over to Chris just to make him feel important.

In addition to clerical work, Allison also prepared a cell phone and credit card for Patti to use in her new life in CWCville. Chris instructed Patti to call either himself or Allison in case of emergencies, so it's a safe bet Allison's the one who's actually going to have to look after Patti and pick up her shit.

In [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], Chris was stranded indefinitely in the void of time. Upon learning this, [[Rosechu]] indicated that Allison would be able to "handle city decisions" in his absence, presumably making her the de facto Deputy Mayor. She appears again in [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], apparently weary of her newfound responsibilities.

In the [[CWCipedia]], Chris clarifies that Allison has actually been the Vice-Mayor the whole time, but apparently because she's a [[Women's Rights|woman]] she has to settle for the lowly title of Secretary. Chris also clarifies that "NO FAVORS OF ANY KIND WENT ON Between [him] and her," correctly deducing that we would all assume he would use his authority as mayor to force himself on the nearest pretty girl. Oh, and this information all appears on the [[BILLY MAYS]] article, because Chris won't waste the time to create a CWCi article on a woman.

For no obvious reason, Allison has a picture of Batman hanging on the wall behind her desk. This may be an oblique reference to "[[Family Guy]]", which features "Batman" star Adam West as a mayor, but this seems pretty subtle for Chris. It could be that Allison Amber, given her alliterative name, is a reference to superhero love interests/female assistants, like Pepper Potts of Iron Man and Lois Lane of Superman, and showing Batman is some weird way of pointing that out even though he has no love interest akin to those examples. In all likelihood, though, Chris doesn't care about Batman as a comic book character, and just has his picture back there because he was in a successful movie. Allison, being a former movie star, would obviously have a Batman poster. Unless her boyfriend just ''is'' Batman.

==Trivia==
Allison Amber appears on Chris's "One Girl Coupon", a sort of sex coupon that entitles the bearer to one girlfriend, and the recipients must "do anything necessary." Golden showers, Cleveland steamers, and going Greek may still be extra though. This ticket is absolute proof that Chris is ''[[White_knight_emails#September_2008_.E2.80.94_Chris_denies_being_fat_and_sexist|not]]'' a [[Women's rights|sexist]].

WARNING: Presenting this coupon to about 99.9% of girls will earn you at least five kicks to at least five areas below the waist. Always.
[[Image:331-Girlcoupon.jpg|center|ONE GIRLFRIEND, PLEASE.]]

[[Category: Sonichu]][[Category: Characters]][[Category: Plot Devices]]

CWCville

2010-01-19T08:45:49Z

Magic8Ball:

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There is no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

'''CWCville''' (Pronounced: Quick-ville, IPA: [kwɪk vɪɫ]) is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris-chan's]] imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where all his wishes, ideas and deranged fantasies becomes true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
! CWC ON LOCATION
|-
| Photo:
| [[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb]]
|-
| Location:
| CWCville, <s>VA</s> SOMEWHERE
|-
| Coordinates:
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe
|-
| Classification:
| Delusional autonomous city-state
|-
| Date established:
| 2000, maybe earlier. 1982 fictionwise
|-
| Population:
| Large. Mixed population of humans, Pokemon, and ripoffs
|-
| Zip/post code:
| Unknown.
|-
| Area code:
| N/A, communication system relies on classified Nintendo DS link
|-
| Website:
| Defunct
|-
| Also known as:
| Chris's mind
|-
| Produces:
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, Autistic manchildren, semen
|-
| Current relevance:
| Main location of events in the [[Sonichu]] universe
|}

==CWCville, USA==

Considering how it's portrayed, its full name could be the ''Our Glorious Leader's True and Honest Lovers' City of CWCville'', in a way similar to the [http://www.korea-dpr.com/ Democratic People's Republic of Korea].

CWCville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]], and Chris's long-ongoing pet project - many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harshness of reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and [[sex|fuck]] for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what becomes of them, but knowing Chris it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house. Many are sent to the Moon.

In the ''Sonichu'' comic book world, the town is allegedly located in the state of [[Virginia]], but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.

Inside the comic, CWCville is at a fierce rivalry with neighboring <s>city</s> school [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. It is under constant attack from the evil forces of Dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her army of [[Jerkops]].

==CWCville history==
According to [[Sonichu 8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his [[CWC|deadshit son]] is unknown.

===BILLY MAYS coup===

On 03 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that [[BILLY MAYS]] is the new mayor of CWCville and that he was going to CWCville Jail to get raped by [[niggos]].

On 04 March 2009, Chris revoked his statement that made MAYS the new mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in his bedroom. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion of Fail]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST (and any retraction otherwise would involve him wearing the medallion to make his retraction legally binding), his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS is still the mayor of CWCville.

On 28 [[June 2009]] BILLY MAYS snorted too much cocaine and died in his mayoral mansion, plunging the entire town into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, and quickly undid all of MAYS' initiatives, before announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that he was always the ruler, and that there would be no further elections.

==CWCville IRL==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|300px|[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]'s welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville. Note that CWCville's postal code is the same as Chris's birthday, and that the address is nearly identical to his real address.]]

The IRL timeline concerning the creation of CWCville is uncertain, however we do know that is has existed since Chris's high school years, before [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was originally thought of in March of [[2000]]. Evidence photography of CWCville being replicated from Chris's mind to reality with [[Lego]] blocks have proven that CWCville was in fact one of his first creations, even disputing in antiquity with the creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], Christian's first Sonic recolor.

It has been argued that Chris's power stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating Mary Lee Walsh, with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of another inhabitant. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will reigns supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

==Spelling==

One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] featured a "Cwick City Gym," while [[City_of_Cwicville_Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "Cwicville" and "Cwickville". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate his [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense.

==Government==
{{Quote|Is CWCville under MARTIAL LAW?!?!|[[Jack thaddeus phone call 3|Jack Thaddeus]]}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|300px|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town.]]
CWCville is like many contemporary third world countries.

There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected Town Council. Exactly how CWCville's government operates is quite nebulous and mystified. Chandler is mayor-for-life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections, but he has also insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]]. Voting, is strictly for the Town Council, which holds no authority, existing as a purely advisory comittee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. The mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]]. However, he refuses to acknowledge that this obviously makes his town a ''monarchy'', by explaining that all other government positions are voted on (even though such a practice is common in many modern monarchies). It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased.

It is theorized that one day Christian will hand over the reins of governance to his daughter, [[Crystal]] Weston Chandler, in which case the town's name will not go through another change. It is uncertain whether the continuation of the CWC initials for the town are intended by him to be hereditary, as Crystal, being a woman, would have a 1/26 chance of reproducing with a man with a C for his final initial.

Business owners and managers who try to stand up for themselves are ruthlessly crushed. The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random, [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is <s>presumably</s> legal in CWCville, whereas possessing [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was rescinded.

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]; in a predictable display of bureaucratic cluelessness, this important task has been somehow handed to [[Magi-Chan|an obvious closet case]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to have any oversight over a super-powered official or question or contest his findings (and [[Mailbag|disputing the authority has been futile in general]]), it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted — though sensibly, he has not written it into actual ''law'', otherwise all international observers would condemn his actions at once — that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémons, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

The [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are also named after the mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. CWCville mints its own money, which comes in confusing denominations--for instance, there are two kinds of quarter, the C and W, which are mutually exclusive to the point where vending machines will take only one or the other, and the exchange rate between the two is inexact.

CWCville has a [[Jack thaddeus phone call 3|large police force equipped with weapons and TANKS, and even an entire division of the United States Army]]; all these units, as said before, are above law. These groups appear frequently all around the city enforcing the laws, giving grim reminders of their existence to the common public every day, dragging the morale down; for a normal townsperson, hardly a day passes without a tank rolling past their home, military helicopters buzzing over the shopping centers, or seeing a group of heavily armed mercenaries bullying a hapless youngster on the other side of the street for simply ''looking'' a little bit "trollish", whatever that means. Any attempts at humor are prosecuted swiftly and severely under the draconian laws that are based on [[Chris and copyright|curious misinterpretations]] of international copyright laws. (By comparison, even Hitler and Stalin allowed people to make jokes about them.)

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remain at large.

The basic services are lacking: [[Blake|African Sonichu]] wasn't sent to a hospital ER after being attacked by [[Silvana]], but was sent to a wholly inadequate [[Pokémon]] Center instead. Packs of wild Pokémon roam the streets, uncontrolled. The [[CWCville Shopping Center|rare buildings of CWCville]] are sad, lopsided affairs, betraying [[CADD|a lack of architectural and engineering skills]] brought on by a national brain drain, as the educated classes seek asylum in the US or Europe (the map shows many buildings, but they tend not to appear in [[Comic|pictures]] - we can assume they were simply never built.

As the poor citizens of CWCville suffer in the squalor of refugee camps, the mayor wastes precious UN aid money on [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|oversize novelty drinking straws]] and [[Patti-chan|credit cards for dogs]]. As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], there were 10 homeless shelters set up: [[Mailbag_20|Chris himself]] claims that these ten story "Soup Hotels" house an indigent population of 900-1800 individuals, and come equipped with free cable TV. They are almost certainly havens for junkies, crack dealers and whores openly plying their trade in the hallways and elevators, while the mayor's personal friends, such as Sonichu, live in state-sponsored, suburban housing.

Conditions in CWCville are worsening daily. As mayoral forces clash with [[Jerkop|rebel police]] in the streets of the capital, aid organizations have been forced to withdraw. While his people starve, mayor Chandler has funneled government money into illegal arms trades, probably with rogue nations, with the stated goal of building a rocket to "send all the [[tobacky]] to the moon". The lavish living conditions and the [[Mailbag 21|salary of his squad of pokemons goons (3500$/Month)]] is fully supported by the city's budget.

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokemon roam in the forests; Zapbuds fill the fields.

====Zapbud====

'''Zapbuds''' Are a horrible new invasive species imported from the hell-hole of Chris's mind and have quickly established itself in the surrounding ecosystems, killing off native species such as the Wild Pickle Tree with its weedy tendencies. While some claim Zapbud's have [[Sonichu's_Ode_to_Rosechu|narcotic properties]] similar to opium poppies, little attempt has been made to market or cultivate them outside of CWCville due to intervention from environmental groups from letting this horrific weed from spreading. Aside of "healing woes", relatively little is known of them, aside of having four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" and electrical hazard symbol suggesting that it might not be the brightest idea to pee in the middle of a zapbud field. Zapbuds reproduce asexually as they have no pistils or stamens for sexual flower reproduction, therefor every zapbud is identical to the parent plant. In the comics, Sonichu is fond of calling Rosechu his "zapbud", or even "blossoming zapbud" if he's ''in the mood.''

Chris has, as frequently demonstrated, failed to develop his characters through his stories. The fact that he fails to demonstrate some character for ''plants'' is just plain ''tragic''. For crying out loud, just how hard can it be to make readers give a damn about a fictitious <s>plant</s> weed that looks like something from a children's televison show?

==Anomalies==

It is curious to note that while Chris reigns supreme over his imaginary town, it is still subject to the will of other people (as evidenced by BILLY MAYS' election). This gives a small insight into the workings of Chris's mind, as it implies a belief in the non-physical reality of the realm in his own mind. Any sane person could agree to "proclaim" BILLY MAYS the mayor of their fictional city with an offhand shrug, since it doesn't actually ''mean'' anything. They certainly wouldn't take it seriously enough to feel the need to clarify that they didn't mean it. The long and short of this is that Chris's creations are, to him, subject to certain metaphysical laws and structures which IRL he is unable or unwilling to comprehend. This suggests that if efforts were made to convince Chris that, for example, Sonichu had terminal cancer, Chris would either vehemently insist this is not the case, or accept it and claim that he has, in the comic, discovered a cure for cancer.

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php CWCville's official website]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/educationincwcville.htm CWCVille Chronicles], dark fanfic
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Sonichu]]

12 January 2010

2010-01-13T02:09:28Z

Magic8Ball: /* Transcript */ Added a missing word to transcript

'''01122010.MOV''' was uploaded by Chris on 12 January 2010. In this video, Chris mentioned about talks of a work with now-defunct anime distribution company [[Wikipedia:A.D. Vision|A.D.Vision]] (now known as Section 23) and gives a shout out to a mysterious girl named Ginger before going into a tardrage over the [[Asperchu]] ads on his site.

At the end, he punches his camera, thus ensuring many videos with skipping audio to come.

==Description==
{{quotebox|
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, ALEC!!! }}

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 01122010.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|eKo4EDlVRxc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 12 January 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Advicedogshirt.png]]
| Saga = Pending
| previous = [[Down with Asperchu]]
| next = [[01122010.MOV|Current]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

Captain's Log, January 12, 2010.

Uh, first off, a couple of bentos-a couple of small anouncements, uh...

I'm possibly in talks with, uh, [[wikipedia:A.D. Vision|A.D. Vision]] about a project, possibly. But also, uh, hi Ginger.

Alright, so with that aside, let's get down to the meat here. Again, DOWN with that God damn [[Asperchu|Alec]]. I mean, he pai- he paid off that god damn [[Jack Thaddeus]] just so he can take over the stupid ad space. Ugh, I mean, I would've preferred Jack Thaddeus BACK at this point!

GOD DAMNIT! YOU'RE TICKING ME OFF HERE! I'M GONNA COME AFTER YOU! I'm gonna come after you. I'm gonna sc- I'm gonna RUIN YOU! LEARY!!

So [[Chris and anger|ANGRY]]...

[''Chris displays the [[Claw of failure|claws]] and grunts for a little bit before punching his camera, and thus that's the end of his Youtube career.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Down with Asperchu]]|nextlink=[[01122010.MOV|Current]]|}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Death threats

2010-01-10T06:03:59Z

Magic8Ball: Fixed a typo

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]
Contrary to his claims of kindness and patience, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die, often as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common in recent months.

==Means of delivery==

On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]s. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood are delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a camera is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==

To date, 6 people have angered Chris so much that he has began publicly calling for their immediate demise. These individuals are listed as follows.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] day 2009, Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[Homos|homosexual]] ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. Jack has yet to respond to any of these threats.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]
The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|Sonichu 8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''face raped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers". Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[Chris and Fame#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with a [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!|Chris, who, according to himself, "wasn't in a sound state of mind" at the time.}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

Chris had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to boyfriends.]]

Chris's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear...

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused this exact same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins and leaves him to bleed to death.

When [[Kacey]] expressed horror at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep him from chasing them; completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone in the first place is off-putting, as is a desire to cripple someone for life.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of his wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll|clown doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and [[Clown Doll|bite off their hats]].

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===[[Clyde Cash]]===
[[Image:Chris-Chan by XantheStar.jpg|thumb|Chris on the subject of Clyde.]]
{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Recently, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon have taken on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===Alec Benson Leary===

While Chris is one to easily proclaim his Sonichu as a [[parody]] so he can create his empire, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu, he easily goes off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the creator of [[Asperchu]] which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a couple months, Chris ignored Asperchu (but not before raging at it), proclaiming it as nothing more than a simple parody. However, many people have begun abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu.

On January 9th, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements of the Asperchu wiki started showing up on the CWCipedia in replacement of the gay ads. Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

==See also==
*[[Chris and anger]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o8ACyrFwE0 A Chris-Chan Silent Short]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Monthly tugboat

2010-01-08T04:40:56Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

{{quote|yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than sonichu.com|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s euphemism for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability]] check. Essentially, the United States government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals who are unable to work-but many recipients are simply diagnosis-holders who choose not to work despite being able to do so. Like Chris. Chris receives $800 a month, with $450 going to his parents for room and board. The rest of it goes to either [[LittleBigPlanet|video games]] or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $350 was nowhere near close enough to satisfy Chris's desire to purchase porn and video games. As of [[2009#July|July]], he has at least $2000 of credit card debt, including on cards he stole from his parents.

On the advice of his [[Bob Chandler|father]], Chris doesn't get a job because the tugboat gives him more money overall. Your tax dollars at work, people.

In a recent [[Mailbag 34|mailbag]], Chris revealed his belief that by being "on the tugboat" he is actually helping the economy and other people on welfare as well, though he fails to elaborate on his economic theory beyond that.

==See also==
* [[Chris and Money]]

{{Template:Stub}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Layla

2010-01-06T01:27:51Z

Magic8Ball: /* Gallery */

[[Image:Layla.jpg|thumb|right|Concept art of Layla, as drawn by [[Ivy]].]]

{{quote|Yo Layla! Punchy's in and he's checking you out, girl.
Come on, let's go hit the bed!|[[Chris]], singing about hedgehog sex}}

[[Layla]] (full name '''Layla Flaaffy''') is a new character in the [[Sonichu]] comic. She was first shown along with [[Ivy]], in a drawing of her that was leaked out on the Krapple Komputer Kompany [[/cwc/]] board. In [[Sonichu 9]] she is introduced as an eighteen year old [[Pokémon|Flaaffy]], who was thought up by [[Ivy]] on 15 [[2009#March|March 2009]].

When Ivy originally created the character, she was named Luckett, but according to Ivy this was changed because Chris thought it was "too French". As Luckett was something of a parallel to Sonichu (Ivy's "original" character that is just a pokemon with other attributes stapled on), this is tantamount to Sonichu being reimagined as an [[JK Productions|anteater named Reginald]].

==Personality==

While '''nothing''' [[Chris]] makes is original or interesting, Layla seems to be most stereotypical.
Apparently, having women do all of cooking, cleaning and working gets old after awhile, as [[Chris]] designed Layla in a very [[Pedofork|jailbait]] manner. Her hobbies include, like, showing cleavage, creepy innuendo, and, like, [[Julie|chatting with hot guys online]]. Also one the most outright irritating characters, only slightly less aggravating than [[Magi-Chan]] or the [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonichu Babies]].

==Romance==
Implementing the world's oldest stereotype, Layla is lusted after by the [[Reginald Sneasel|series' biggest douchebag]], excluding [[Chris]]. In an attempt to create some sort of conflict in the pages of making out, she falls for the azn, [[Punchy]]. But of course, everyone ends up paired up and engages in soulless furry sex.

==Fetish==
In his song [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]], Chris reveals Layla's fetish for sadomasochism in final lines of the song. Because Chris has only given few details about this, his fans have been forced to interpret these lines as either references to sadomasochism or [[women's rights|domestic violence]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ivy.png|Image of Ivy and Luckett, posted on 21 March 2009 on Krapple Komputer Kompany /cwc/ board.
Image:SchuComic10P7.jpg|Introduction of [[Layla]] in [[Sonichu 9]].
Image:Camwhorelayla.JPG|Vaary intelligent, nuanced character.
Image:CamwhoreLaylacolor.jpg| Her mind's blank
</gallery>
</center>

==See Also==
* [[Ivy]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

File:CamwhoreLaylacolor.jpg

2010-01-06T01:25:47Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Kellie Andes.jpg

2010-01-04T08:20:28Z

Magic8Ball: uploaded "File:Kellie Andes.jpg"

"Why are you wearing a bra?"

[[Category: Art from Sonichu 7]]

Molvanîa

2010-01-04T07:19:56Z

Magic8Ball:

[[Image:Molvania_svg.png|thumb|left|180px|National flag of Molvanîa]]
[[Image:Molvania Map.png|thumb|right|Our country, our home - Molvanîa. Chris has spent hours looking at a world map trying to locate Molvanîa.]]

The Republic of [[Molvanîa]] (aka "''The Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry''") is a fictional nation where [[Julie]] hails from, as well as where [[Arjen Van Dierten|Arjen Van Dierten's]] uncle Edward and cousins Cameron and Rebecca (RIP) used to work as American diplomats before the country imploded in January of 2009, in addition to being the homeland all [[trolls]] can call home.

Showing his geography prowess, [[Chris]] believes it is somewhere near North [[Virginia]] and Germany.

Despite reading the [[Wikipedia]] article{{cite}} which clearly states it's a fictional country, and not being able to find it on a globe, Chris still insists Molvanîa is a TRUE and HONEST country. This is largely due to the fact that a troll sent a letter to Chris claiming that Molvanîa was a republic which attempted to break away from the real life country of [[Wikipedia:Georgia (country)|Georgia]], and that the book and wiki article were part of a smear campaign orchestrated by the Georgian government.

==Message from Molvania==

Chris was unable to find Molvania on a map, so a troll sent him the following message in order to convince him that it was real:

22.02.2009

To Whom This May Concern:

My name is Edward Van Dierten, and I was the head diplomat for the American embassy in Molvania from the country's inception in 1985 to the recent dissolution earlier this year.

My niece, Anneke Van Zandt, informed me that you, via her friend, Julie Milvana, requested information on Molvania. Here is what I can tell you:

Molvania was an unrecognized territory some 50 miles in radius on the eastern edge of Georgia, a nation that was once a part of the former Soviet Union; its capital was Lagodekhi. The territory came into existence during the mid-1980s, and the United States, under suggestion from both NATO, the CIA and then-President Ronald Reagan, established a small embassy there in the hopes of helping the territory become an independent free republic.

The original entry in Wikipedia on Molvania was written by my other niece and fellow diplomat, Cameron Van Dierten. However, the Georgian government--who took issue with Molvania's existence from the start--decided to rewrite it in a manner that would present the territory as false, even going so far as to commission a faux-travel guide from Australia--of all places--to cement the territory's place in history as, well, a joke.

Earlier this year, possibly due to disappointment at losing South Ossetia last August, the Georgian government covertly "re-absorbed" Molvania, erasing all traces of the territory's existence.

Julie's mother, as well as Cameron and myself, relocated back to our home in Katwijk, Netherlands soon after.

I hope this clarifies the matter on Molvania. The territory was real for Julie and her family, and that is all that should matter at this point.

Best regards,
Edward Van Dierten
Head Diplomat, American Embassy of Molvania (Ret.)

==Molvanîan expressions==
*''Ich bin schwul'' (pronounced: '''''Eech bean shwool'''''. Chris pronounces it: '''''Eech bean shwuell''''') - "I love you" (which, coincidentally, happens to be German for ''"I am [[Homos|gay]]"'')

==National anthem==

Sung to the tune of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeZ5R3C5bzs "What A Feeling" from Flashdance]. This may come in handy for Chris when he visits Julie's homeland and should be learned by all TRUE and HONEST Chris-chan [[trolls|fans]].

{| style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;"
| <poem>PRIJATI I-VSE PROST! ZVET BRAGK LE SOSED NE
KJO RJOPAK TAVO GARBUS JKET SZOR
TEGUL DIRBA LIETVEJ TEGUL ZVUT STKER
OMOV DSKVI A TO JRE TA INACH MYSL

PREJ LUK VDES PO JKADS KREMT TSE-TOI
BJOR ESHTE QE DJESHMOR RTEH
EJUM JE TA AVOR KRE ZSOVORTKIS
EJUM UND DAS SJORGEM FLAI

VERBOT! SKUIG VAS-KLEM SVETHUM
STUMZ STUM PLAIS-EIN STUMZ!
SEMIA TZASUMUS VO DIRBA PO
OZIVLA KI VTOPIO BO-LE SKBRI</poem>
| <poem>We stand now vigorous and prosperous
Forever united by our peoples
Brothers within frontiers are we
Supping upon the bounty of our home

Strife shall be banished and freedom reign
Our women fertile as our seeping plains
Let not the heroic past be forgotten
But the glorious future stand

Harmony and peace shall reign
All invaders will be crushed
Crushed we sing now, crushed.
We shall drive the gypsy curse from our land</poem>
|}

==See also==
*[[Kick the Autistic]] - the national sport of Molvanîa

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?fdxmfn4mirk Zip file of all known communication between the American Embassy in Molvanîa and CWC]
*[http://www.molvania.com/video_medium_2.html The official page for Zladko "Zlad!" Vladcik's futuristic ''Love Quest'' dance ballad, '''Electronik - Supersonik''' (Low quality)]

{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

File:Molvania svg.png

2010-01-04T07:18:24Z

Magic8Ball:

File:Molvania Map.png

2010-01-04T07:17:34Z

Magic8Ball: uploaded "File:Molvania Map.png"

The one we currently have is apparently that of a real country.

Donald Duck impersonation

2010-01-04T07:15:10Z

Magic8Ball:

{{quote|Oh my God, I'm shaken... '''What''' was that voice? That was... no...|[[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], [[Mumble 4]]}}
[[Image:Chris_Donald.jpg|thumb|What Donald Duck would probably look like had Chris's impersonation manifested.]]
[[Chris]] is pretty good at '''impersonating Donald Duck.''' That is, a [[autism|deranged]], syphilitic, crack-addicted Donald Duck that will only show up in your darkest nightmares. Although it is not likely, some [[trolls]] maintain that when he worked at a [[Wendy's|fast-food restaurant]], he was fired for this impersonation. Because it might have been one of many grievances that Chris's former employers had, there might be some truth to this claim.

{{quote|Break the Ice with a joke: try not to use an offensive joke. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ Donald Duck. Quack! Quack!|Dating tips from the guru, [[Sonichu's News Dash]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.}}

This impression is an achievement of which Chris is extremely proud. He even goes so far as to mention it in casual conversation, and [[Dating_education|suggests other people to use it when hitting on women]]. Apparently, in Chris's mind chicks dig creepy voices and Disney characters. But then again, this is a tamer piece of the usual [[honest content]] that he subjects women to.

Disturbingly, Chris is also known for doing this impersonation whilst [[Mass debating|masturbating]].

==The impersonation==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|dBujZWP8K9U}}</center>

==Chris talks to ducks==
In one of the [[Megan E-mails]], Chris mentioned that he talked to ducks in a park when [[Megan]] stood him up on their "date", implying that he used the same Donald Duck imitation routine to break the language barrier.

Could it be that Chris is actually a superhuman with the extraordinary ability to talk to our anatidian brethren?..

==See also==
*[[Duck]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Hobbies]]

File:Chris Donald.jpg

2010-01-04T07:13:03Z

Magic8Ball: