CWCki - User contributions [en]

Mailbag 25

2011-11-16T17:42:58Z

ManInThePickleSuit: /* Chris disapproves of c-sections for some reason */

'''Mailbag 25''' was posted to the [[CWCipedia]] on 28 [[December 2009]] by the CWCipedia's Sysop. It was answered the 29 December 2009.

Chris explains that when he calls himself "high-functioning", he really just means that he's high-functioning when compared to people who are [[slow-in-the-minds|severely mentally handicapped]]. Chris also reveals that he spends 2-3 hours every day just playing with toys. (So much for "high-functioning".) Perhaps more shocking is Chris's solution to infidelity, which involves having sex with members of your significant other's family. (Unsurprisingly, he most likely got this idea from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.) Other highlights include confirmation that Chris lies to his parents, his explosive reaction to a transsexual woman (who he incorrectly identifies as a hermaphrodite), and an as-of-yet unexplained disapproval of giving birth via Cesarean section.

==Answered==

===In which Chris copy-pastes stuff he does not understand===
{{Email|From: [[Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>
Yo, what up it's your best friend fo' lyfe! Just wonderin' if you can help me with Hamster HTML 101 cuz ur so great with that shit. It ain't cheating!

1. What is bandwidth? 
2. What is HTML?

Well that's all I need help with! CHILLIN'!}}
{{EmailReply|You could have look up the terms on [[Wikipedia]], and I quote, "In computer networking and computer science, digital bandwidth, network bandwidth or just bandwidth is a measure of available or consumed data communication resources expressed in bit/s or multiples of it (kbit/s, Mbit/s etc)." "HTML, which stands for HyperText Markup Language, is the predominant markup language for web pages. It provides a means to create structured documents by denoting structural semantics for text such as headings, paragraphs, lists etc as well as for links, quotes, and other items."}}

===This is perhaps the worst advice Chris has ever given===
{{Email|From: eddie V thunderpuncher@yahoo.com
Dear Chris, 
I just caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now, I've heard that you're supposed to stay with your first girlfriend because no one else will take her place, but I'm in a bit of a dilemma. What would you do, Christian, if your true and honest [[sweetheart]] ever went after another man behind your back?

Sincerely, eddie.}}
{{EmailReply|I would talk with her; tell her how you feel about her doing those things with this other dude, but DO NOT voice [[Death threats|threat]] or [[Chris and anger|anger]]; Maintain a [[Chris and hypocrisy|CALM Voice Tone]]. Then Listen and Comprehend fully on her side of the story without suspicion. Ask her not to do those things with that guy, or come to a compromise; she did that dude, so you could do one of her friends or family with her full knowledge and consent of the act; in that case, she would see from her point of view how you felt when she went out and did that dude.}}

===In which Chris admits he lied to Bob===
{{Email|From: [[Wiki:Jeffrey Archer|Jeffrey Archer]] <jeffreyarcher@politician.com>
Dear Chris,

As a loyal [[Sonichu]] fan I remember that not too long ago you commanded all copies of your [[house]] tour for [[Ivy]] be removed from the internet. Well, I took down the version I put up right away but when I did a search I was horrified that even more copies were put up.

Then I saw the video of [[Bob Chandler|your Dad]] yelling at you. How was this resolved? Did you lie to him and tell him that all copies were taken off the internet?

Your fan,
Jeffrey}}
{{EmailReply|I did tell him that it was removed from the internet, and he is still ticked off at me for ever putting it up in the first place.}}

===In which Chris tells someone to give random women sex toys===
{{Email|From: iluvlittlegirls@hotmail.com
Dear Chris,

I recently turned 18, and am interested in buying some pornography DVDs. However, I know very little about the genre. Which porn movies are your favorite? I am interested in both hard- and soft-core movies.

Sincerely,

Peter Sotos}}
{{EmailReply|Soft-Core you can easily watch from Cinemax or HBO; for the Hard-Core, I recommend anything with one man/one woman videos; you can view the variety of DVDs on http://www.adameve.com for your choosing. Be aware of the "Free Gift(s)" they send you with a purchase of $17 or more; they may send you items such as [[dildo]]s and beads; if you receive such items suitable for women, I would leave the items UNOPENED and offer them to your consenting adult women friends, or any women they may know.}}

===High functioning babble===
{{Email|From: sentientmachine11@gmail.com
Hello there Chris

I have noticed that you claim to be a high-functioning [[autistic]] male. What exactly does "high functioning autistic" mean? You say it a lot but never really give a clear definition. I could look it up on Wikipedia but I would rather go right to the source which would be you. People on Wikipedia tend to vandalize articles with misinformation.

So yeah, please elaborate on that. I'm rather confused.

Have a nice day.

-John Matrix}}
{{EmailReply|Well, thank you kindly for asking for my input on the subject. Versus Low-Functioning individuals who generally are likely mentally retarded to a point where all they can say are moans and groans, have Limited physical motion (such as keeping their arms and hands in Praying Mantis position and resists reaching out, or keeping their mouths wide open very often), may be confined in wheelchairs, crutches or such, or may possibly be [[Duck|deformed physically]]. High-Functioning individuals, such as myself, have better mental capabilities and functions, have better physical motion, and likely are more similar to functioning normal people. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:50, 30 December 2009 (CET)}}

===It's a trap!===
{{Email|From: "[[wikipedia: Bailey-Jay Granger|Bailey Jay]]" <baileyjay@gmail.com>
Hey Chris!! Thank you for your [[Mailbag 8#It's a trap|reply]]! And thank you for calling me cute :3 you're a pretty handsome guy yourself, but you know that already ;)

I think my biggest problem with boys is that like you I am also e-famous, and people are afraid to approach me because they are intimidated by that! 
I have been online modelling for a while now, and so I think boys get nervous around me... lol :(

Do you have that problem too? Do you think that girls don't approach you because they are intimidated by how famous you are?

Anyways, if you're interested, here are some of my pics ;)

They range from cute...

i50.tinypic.com/2gtp2l4.jpg

to downright NAUGHTY :D

bayimg.com/image/najnjaacd.jpg

hope you enjoy!!

-XOXOoxOXOXOXOoxOXOxooXXO

BJ}}
{{EmailReply|OH MY GOD!!! [[It's UGH!|UGH!!!]] ARE YOU REALLY A HERMAPHRODITE?! I'm sorry, but that naughty picture just really shocked me and made me want to throw up. *deep breath* You do have a pretty face, but what happened just now is just like the movie, "[[Wikipedia:The Crying Game|The Crying Game]]", or the [[Wikipedia: A Brown Thanksgiving|Thanksgiving episode]] of "[[The Cleveland Show]]".}}

===Chris disapproves of c-sections for some reason===
{{Email|From: meshellbel@aol.com

Dear Chris--

Hello and good day! My name is Diana and I've read Sonichu over the past year and can honestly say it's the best comic I've EVER read. My husband and I read it together every night (Thank you SO much for your daily pages! The suspense kills me!) To be honest, your comic pages of [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu..."together" gave my husband and I "inspiration" for our own "together time"

Anyway, after two years of marriage my husband and I have finally conceived our first child and I'd like to thank you for your comic pages, I can't help but feel you helped this to come about. I'm due in March and I'll be finding out the gender of the baby soon.

Now to my questions. My husband and I are not close with our respectful families and I have no one to ask about bringing up a child, my friends don't have children yet. So I value your opinions on the following, to supplement my research:

1. Should I "spoil" my child? Is there anything wrong with getting them the things they want? It's not easy being a kid...

2. What should I feed my child? My husband and I run our own business, so we aren't home often. I'll require [[Abusive babysitter|a baby sitter]], so I don't want them burning up the kitchen

3. How much television should I allow my child to watch?

4. My husband and I don't make much money, we can barely support ourselves, so how can I save money on things the baby needs?

And well...this doesn't pertain to the baby's upbringing but...

5. Can I still have sex while I'm pregnant? What are possible consequences if I do?

6. Should I get a c-section or have a natural birth?

7. Should I breastfeed?

Any further input you can offer would be much appreciated. Thank you for your hardwork on the comic pages, keep on zappin' !

Love, Diana}}
{{EmailReply|1) It's okay to treat the child, but do not do it too much; [[Barbara|spoiling the child]] will likely lower the chance of the child learning the valuable lesson of self-reliance [[monthly tugboat|and independence]]. 2) Bottles of Milk are best for a while up till a certain age (look it up on the internet or your local library). 3) 1 or 2 hours a day, and turn on the Closed Captions for helping the child learn to read faster. 4) [[Chris and Money|LESS SPENDING and IMPULSE SHOPPING/BUYING]]; also hire an accountant to help you there. 5) I think it's okay, but google the topic to learn for sure. 6) NATURAL! 7) It is an option; you can look up the benefits and possible risks online too.}}

===Chris on the nature of sin===
{{Email|From: Team CWCket <TeamCWCket@gmail.com>
Hey Chris, it's the girls from Team CWCket again! Sorry about the new e-mail - it turns out that football hooligans from over here in the UK hacked yourcricketteam.co.uk and sabotaged most of the mailboxes. If you tried to send us anything, you should use the new address.

Bit of a serious note this one - we were watching your video about [[Jack]] and [[Clyde]] after practice today, and you mentioned having a [[gal-pal]] who is a [[lesbian]]. As you can imagine, on an all-girl sports team sometimes there's... tensions and issues surrounding that particular subject, so I was wondering whether you had any insight you could offer us about it.

- How did you find out your friend was [[gay]]? 
- How did you react? 
- You seem very accepting of her lifestyle, and it sounds like you're more comfortable around her than you would be around male homosexuals. Why is that? 
- Do you think women should avoid lesbians in the same way you tend to keep a distance from male homosexuals, or should they get to know each other? 
- Are lesbians morally "better" than male homos? I know you are much more angry about the sort of acts male homosexuals perform.

Sorry that this one was a bit heavy, but it's caused a bit of debate on the team, so I thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Keep a happy thought!

All your gal-pals on Team CWCket.}}
{{EmailReply|1) She told me herself. 2) I was surprised, but I accepted it soon after. 3) I was always less comfortable with men; one of my character flaws you may say. But regardless, I still detest homosexual men, yet I do not discriminate against them as individual people. 4) As long as the woman KNOWS fully that she is Straight and will remain that way, it is okay to be friends with lesbians; do not go beyond just friends. 5) Morally, yes.}}

===Balding issues===
{{Email|From: Mark Green <everydoor42@yahoo.com>
I'm in my twenties and have started going bald. I noticed you are balding too, and much more rapidly than I am. Do you have any advice on what I should do? I know a lot of guys, when they start losing their [[hair]], shave it all off, but you've embraced your thining hairline. How did you do that? How did you come to accept your hair loss and the shame attached to it? I'll appreciate any help you can offer me as a man who is also suffering through baldness.}}
{{EmailReply|I generally do not think about balding issues; as long as I still have mine, it is good. Yet when it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge.}}

===In which Chris tells us how many hours he plays with toys a day===
{{Email|From: Doug Bunny <since1915@yahoo.com>
How often do you play with toys (how many hours, per day, would you say you spend, on average, playing with toys)? }}
{{EmailReply|I don't know, about 2 or 3, I Estimate.}}

===Chris on mindless materialism===
{{Email|From: naturalelection@aol.com
What do you want for your 28th birthday? Do you know if your friends are planning to do anything special for you?}}
{{EmailReply|I do not know yet of what I want to do, and I will learn of any plans when they come up.}}

===Magi-Chan is gay===
{{Email|From: flambai@hotmail.com

Hey CWC!

Thanks for answering my previous questions, but i have some more.

1) Why is it [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Blake]] didn't attend Dating Education?

2) If all of the [[Sonichus]] and [[Rosechus]] had a huge fight, who would win?

Please reply soon!
Sarah Lutt}}
{{EmailReply|1) Blake is in his relationship with [[Bubbles]]; he did not need to take the class. Magi-Chan keeps to himself mostly; he did not see fit to take the class. 2) I am not sure.}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
===Chris's disgusting home===
{{Email|From: privatesnazz@aol.com

How can your kitchen be so filthy? I wouldn't eat anything that comes out of it, and you should be ashamed to put it up on the internet.}}

===Straight guys don't drink their own semen===
{{Email|From: Seth Sethson <totallyfine2@gmail.com>

Chris, only one of the images in New York was photoshopped. There were like five total. Do the math.

New York still knows that you drink your own semen, and thus they all think that you're gay.

Also, there was an image of your mother put up. How's she reacting?}}
{{EmailReply|I am Straight, regardless of how much the [[Trolls]] may try to defile and slander my image.}}

{{Mailbag}}

User:ManInThePickleSuit

2011-11-02T16:18:14Z

ManInThePickleSuit: Created page with "Comparisons between Chris and Kim Jong-Il (cuz they weren't allowed anywhere else ;_;): *Both are rather corpulent. *Both wear creepy glasses. *..."

Comparisons between Chris and Kim Jong-Il (cuz they weren't allowed anywhere else ;_;):

*Both are [[Obesity|rather corpulent]].
*Both wear [[Pedo-Glasses|creepy glasses]].
*Both have a [[Chris and Fashion|terrible fashion sense]].
*Both have [[Chris's Room|large amounts of useless shit]]. Kim has a library of [http://www.ranker.com/list/kim-jong-il-owns-some-cool-s_t-/cdu827 twenty-thousand DVDs and videotapes], similar to Chris's massive game library. Both probably receive the same amount of use.
*Both have [[Chris and Reality|a skewed sense of what is real and what isn't]]. Rumor has it that Kim Jong-Il believes that the James Bond films are documentaries (yes, including Moonraker).
*According to [[I AM STRONG|official media/propaganda]], both are supposedly very good at things we wouldn't expect them to be good at at all. Kim apparently shot 11 holes in one, with 38 under par, his first time golfing.
*Both hate [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|their old schools]]. Kim had his old school blown up, although it was actually because he believed that it would make the normal children attending it [[Honor Roll|as smart as himself]] when they grew up.
*Both have [[Chris and his Ego|inflated opinions of themselves]] resulting from a little bit too much influence from [[Bob|Daddy]].
*Both blame outside forces for their troubles. Chris believes that various conspirators ([[Mary Lee Walsh]], [[Jerkops]], [[Trolls]], or the [[Greene County Conspiracy|Board of Eduction from his old elementary school]]) are all trying to harass him, stop him from pursuing his [[Love Quest]], and deny the popularity of [[Sonichu|Sonichu]], all for [[Kick the Autistic|reasons unknown]]. Kim believes that the only reason North Korea isn't a prosperous, powerful nation is because of the influence of those [[JERK]] countries like South Korea or the United States.
*Both have [[Chris and Money|bad spending habits]]. While Chris's handling of money only results in credit card debt, Kim's results in the starvation of thousands of North Koreans.
*Both believe that they are [[True and Loyal Fanbase|respected and loved by people around the world]] (or just in North Korea in Kim's case). Whereas Chris's "followers" do it for the lulz, Kim's do it out of fear.
*Both have an [[The Creepy Stare|unsettling gaze]]. See [http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/ Kim Jong-Il Looking at Things].
*Both give strange significance to a [[Rainbow]]. In [[Sonichu 0]], a rainbow spawned [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Silvana]]. According to Kim Jong-Il's True and Honest Biography, his birth was heralded by a double rainbow.
*Both give things misleading titles. Chris gives many things he releases (videos, comics, websites, things he says, etc.) the label "True and Honest", when they are either [[List of Chris's Lies|completely untrue]] or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|things we would rather not know about]]. North Korea is officially known as the "People's Democratic Republic of North Korea", which (aside from being redundant, as it translates to "People's People-owned People-run Nation of North Korea"), is outright bullshit, as North Korea is ranked as the most democracy-devoid nation in the world.
*Both love to plagiarize. Chris has [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen numerous ideas from various movies, TV shows, and video games]] in the process of creating Sonichu. Kim Jong-Il once had a South Korean director and his wife kidnapped so he could force said director to make [[wikipedia:Pulgasari|a Godzilla knock-off]].
*[[Chris's Room|Neither of them get out much]]. Kim won't go anywhere without his entourage, and travels via armored train to go visit his friend Putin in [[Molvania|Russia]].
*[[14 Branchland Court|Both currently reside in horrifying shitholes]].

While Chris can only make shitty comics about himself being the despotic ruler of a brutal police state, Kim Jong-Il gets to live that dream. Similarly, Kim's position as a ruthless dictator entitles him to all the [[China]] he wants, whereas Chris can, again, only wish he had that sort of power. Because of this, Kim has already spawned several little cumsprouts to carry on his regime [[Chris and Health|when he is gone]], whereas Chris has very little hope of ever getting that [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|creepy daughter]] he wants so badly.

Talk:Chris and hypocrisy

2011-11-01T19:00:36Z

ManInThePickleSuit: /* Chris and Kim Jong-Il */ new section

To do: Go through the mailbags and find more examples. These should include multiple instances of Chris telling others to do one thing when he himself does the complete opposite, or at the very least really outrageous examples. Also I wouldn't include things where Chris just calls people "weak" when he himself is weak because Chris is an idiot and thinks he's strong because he can lift doghouses. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 21:31, 5 December 2009 (CET)

This is a rather specific topic but given that the List of Chris's lies have devolved from being a list of lies to any sort of hypocrisy on Chris's part (which isn't the same as lying) or people assuming things about this, this page can also help clean up the Lies page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:11, 5 December 2009 (CET)

==A few suggestions==
Copypasting 'em from Anaconda/Sandbox's talk page:
* Chris drinks his navy, but doesn't like homos;
* Chris doesn't like people stealing his OCs, but steals other people's ideas (and other people's OCs) all the time;
* The Adam Stackhouse incident (Chris cheated to win a contest, and then was outraged about his rival's supposed cheating);
* To add to the "Get a life" section: Chris made a [[Quizzes|quiz]] about trolls – but Chris himself fits 7 of 8 requirements he listed;
* Chris hates when people critique his work, but often critiques other people's works (and even fan creations);
* Chris banned alcohol in CWCville, but drinks it himself;
* Chris Ian scolded Liquid Chris for "stealing his identity", and then tried to do the same thing while hitting on Kacey;
* Chris critiqued Liquid on the same traits Liquid just took up to imitate Chris;
* Chris often complains about "jerks" stealing his girls, and then tried to steal Liquid's fiancee;
* Chris hates men who have girlfriends (except gfs who are "black or married"), he tells them to jump from a cliff, he wants them to die, etc. But then, in Sonichu 5, Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops are attacking and arresting boyfriends and separating them from their women! Is Mary Lee Walsh acting as an antihero in this sequence? Or is it just Chris's hypocrisy?
Holding for a hero who would convert them into proper literary form. Not that I'm lazy, I'm just-- scratch that, I ''am'' lazy :) --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 23:21, 5 December 2009 (CET)

I'll try to get some of these things written up. I'd actually started to put together my own "Chris and hypocrisy" page before this went up. I inserted a bit of my introductory paragraph into what's already here. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 04:45, 6 December 2009 (CET)

==Here's my own suggestion==
When Chris told a couple people that they have problems of their own and they're the ones who should go to a psychiatrist. One of the people called him a sociopath (and explained in detail why) and the other didn't get why Chris suggested him watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin to understand his way or life or some dumb shit. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 03:14, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
* I think I listed a bunch of reasons why he could be a sociopath. And he's mostly opposed to psychiatrist/psychologists/professional therapists and counselors because they cost money. This is somewhat of a legitimate concern, but when Chris was forced to see one as a condition of his return to PVCC his therapist worked on a sliding scale where he paid like $20/visit. Most of them will do this: they're not willing to give their services for free, but they understand if you're in financial trouble and will lower their prices accordingly. But Chris thinks that $20 would be better spent on new hats for Little Big Planet than working on overcoming his many personal issues. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:15, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

==Moof or aloof==
So I wrote some stuff about Chris's recent incredible hypocrisy regarding violence. It's pretty awful and could use some editing. I can't remember where he said that his comic would never contain gore, and I have to get some other work done, so if someone could pick up my slack, that would be cool.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:36, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*On it, boss --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 16:42, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

==Sweetheart from the Ground Up==

This is sorta iffy. He doesn't acknowledge that he's poor or fat. In the case of the latter he's made many lame rationalizations about his weight, like his "past" Buddha belly, being born with manboobs, and it being totally normal to have to stop every minute or so while jogging. Also he'll squeeze into shirts he wore in high school or in the early 2000s and will have to wear a T-shirt underneath to cover his gut. According to one of the FA's iconic striped shirt only comes down to about his navel. But despite all evidence to the contrary Chris denies being fat. He also thinks that he's making more money being on welfare than he could get working a full-time job, and has an extremely poor grasp of savings, finances, etc. For example: he thinks the sales tax he pays when he buys things at a store is the same thing as income tax, and that sales tax somehow "goes back" to people on government assistance. Plus Chris obviously didn't give a shit about the Hambeast's obvious fatness when out on a date with her, beyond make rude comments about it ("I could help you work off that weight" etc). The "no autistics" thing is covered elsewhere on this page, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:26, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

==Online presence==

I moved the section 'leaving the internet' to a different section called 'online presence' which could maybe be expanded to not only tackle some of the points he makes in that video (e.g. that healthy people go outside and have friends, which is pretty staggering) but also some of his other moments of hypocrisy as related to his online presence -- stuffing the online vote against Adam Stackhouse and then railing against cheating, for example, or complaining bitterly about being trolled and then using the same tactics against Clyde et al (resulting in the infamous 9/11 videos). If this is too broad or specious a topic, feel free to move it around, but the 'leaving the internet' section seemed kind of lonely sitting there by itself. [[User:Parapluie|Parapluie]] 08:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)
* I think the fact that he made a speech claiming that he didn't need the internet and then coming back to the internet less than two days later to post extremely stupid shit stands alone and doesn't need much elaboration. I thought he would last longer, as he's mostly a gamer as opposed to a net addict, and is capable of going for days or a week without posting any kind of update without any special promises not to do so. Like, I knew he would fail at this, but I didn't expect him to fail so spectacularly. If it counts for anything, he logged into YouTube for some reason exactly two hours after he posted the Cya later video, but I don't have screen caps. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 16:04, 23 March 2010 (UTC)
** I changed it back. YouTube Finale wasn't about how "nobody needs the internet," it was more about him leaving YouTube and then changing his mind a week or so later. And then one after YouTube finale was announcing that Chris got a new website, which a hypothetical Sonichu fan would care about. The one after this is "They changed The Cleveland Show and I hate it." The Adam Stackhouse stuff could easily be its own section, where Chris accuses him of cheating but cheats himself. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 16:13, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

==Chris and the golden rule==

I hope I'm doing this right. anyway, somewhat new to CWC and the this wiki.
reading over about the personality of Chris and such I'm surprised no one has brought up the golden rule to Chris, sure he knows the violent cousin "eye for an eye" (Although he can't even follow that). It's obvious that he doesn't follow the golden rule, but I'm willing to bet that he says he does (because killing someone for making fun of his is TOTALLY FAIR, and is totally following the GR) which is why I think it'll fit here under hypocrisy (I could be wrong). I would ask him myself, but I don't know how to contact him yet. (hoping I can get the signing thing correct) [[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 20:27, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

==Another Suggestion==

I'm not 100% sure this has been brought up, but Chris claimed that there were NO elections in CWCville in response to the Billy Mays incident and his excuse for it. However, in one of the mailbags he said the exact opposite. He said "I have previously stated that Cwcville was originally founded by my Father, in which made him Mayor of it for some years, who gave it a different name before he named me Mayor later on. Yet is NOT a Monarchy either, because we HOLD elections for the Members of the Cwcville Board and such". Further proving chris is indeed a hypocritical and contradictive fool. How does this make him a hypocrite and not merely contradictive? Because he fails to understand how his own comics work and he is unable to develop a stable environment for the setting of Sonichu and the place it is based in. However, he bashed Alec Benson Leary for him not being able to do so. Or at least what he believed Alec failed to do in Asperchu
*Cwcville board =/= mayor. He made it up on the spot, naturally, but the two are not mutually exclusive. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 04:20, 14 November 2010 (PST)

== Chris and Kim Jong-Il ==

So I had my section about Chris showing a fair few similarities to Kim Jong-Il removed, as it was (admittedly) barely related except in the context of Chris's comments about authoritarianism he directed at ADF. Perhaps this would be better suited for the CWCville page?
[[User:ManInThePickleSuit|ManInThePickleSuit]] 12:00, 1 November 2011 (PDT)ManInThePickleSuit

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-11-01T15:18:40Z

ManInThePickleSuit: Possibly tl;dr summary of Chris's ironic anti-authoritarian comments in the second message to ADF. Oh well, no shit is too minor, right?

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrate clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://adfki.wikinet.org/wiki/ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life.

Meanwhile, Chris also shares a variety of similarities with [[Wikipedia:Kim Jong-Il|Kim Jong-Il]], the infamous dictator of North Korea, one of the few "Communist" countries that has not had any sort of reform of policy what-so-ever.

*Both are [[Obesity|rather corpulent]].
*Both wear [[Pedo-Glasses|creepy glasses]].
*Both have a [[Chris and Fashion|terrible fashion sense]].
*Both have [[Chris's Room|large amounts of useless shit]]. Kim has a library of [http://www.ranker.com/list/kim-jong-il-owns-some-cool-s_t-/cdu827 twenty-thousand DVDs and videotapes], similar to Chris's massive game library. Both probably receive the same amount of use.
*Both have [[Chris and Reality|a skewed sense of what is real and what isn't]]. Rumor has it that Kim Jong-Il believes that the James Bond films are documentaries (yes, including Moonraker).
*According to [[I AM STRONG|official media/propaganda]], both are supposedly very good at things we wouldn't expect them to be good at at all. Kim apparently shot 11 holes in one, with 38 under par, his first time golfing.
*Both hate [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|their old schools]]. Kim had his old school blown up, although it was actually because he believed that it would make the normal children attending it [[Honor Roll|as smart as himself]] when they grew up.
*Both have [[Chris and his Ego|inflated opinions of themselves]] resulting from a little bit too much influence from [[Bob|Daddy]].
*Both blame outside forces for their troubles. Chris believes that various conspirators ([[Mary Lee Walsh]], [[Jerkops]], [[Trolls]], or the [[Greene County Conspiracy|Board of Eduction from his old elementary school]]) are all trying to harass him, stop him from pursuing his [[Love Quest]], and deny the popularity of [[Sonichu|Sonichu]], all for [[Kick the Autistic|reasons unknown]]. Kim believes that the only reason North Korea isn't a prosperous, powerful nation is because of the influence of cowardly countries like South Korea or the United States.
*Both have [[Chris and Money|bad spending habits]]. While Chris's handling of money only results in credit card debt, Kim's results in the starvation of thousands of North Koreans.
*Both believe that they are [[True and Loyal Fanbase|respected and loved by people around the world]] (or just in North Korea in Kim's case). Whereas Chris's "followers" do it for the lulz, Kim's do it out of fear.
*Both have a [[The Creepy Stare|disturbing gaze]]. See [http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/ Kim Jong-Il Looking at Things].
*Both give strange significance to a [[Rainbow]]. In [[Sonichu 0]], a rainbow spawned [[Sonichu|Sonichu (Character)]], [[Rosechu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Silvana]]. According to Kim Jong-Il's True and Honest Biography, his birth was heralded by a double rainbow.
*Both give things misleading titles. Chris gives many things he releases (videos, comics, websites, things he says, etc.) the label "True and Honest", when they are either [[List of Chris's Lies|completely untrue]] or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|things we would rather not know about]]. North Korea is officially known as the "People's Democratic Republic of North Korea", which (aside from being redundant, as it translates to "People's People-owned People-run Nation of North Korea"), is outright bullshit, as North Korea is ranked as the most democracy-devoid nation in the world.
*Both love to plagiarize. Chris has [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen numerous ideas from various movies, TV shows, and video games]] in the process of creating Sonichu. Kim Jong-Il once had a South Korean director and his wife kidnapped so he could force said director to make [[wikipedia:Pulgasari|a Godzilla knock-off]].
*[[Chris's Room|Neither of them get out much]]. Kim won't go anywhere without his entourage, and travels via armored train to go visit his friend Putin in [[Molvania|Russia]].
*[[14 Branchland Court|Both currently reside in horrifying shitholes]].

While Chris can only make shitty comics about himself being the despotic ruler of a brutal police state, Kim Jong-Il gets to live that dream. Similarly, Kim's position as a ruthless dictator entitles him to all the [[China]] he wants, whereas Chris can, again, only wish he had that sort of power. Because of this, Kim has already spawned several little cumsprouts to carry on his regime [[Chris and Health|when he is gone]], whereas Chris has very little hope of ever getting that [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|creepy daughter]] he wants so badly.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and video games

2011-07-21T19:09:58Z

ManInThePickleSuit: /* What Chris plays */

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[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

[[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Internet]] and have [[sex]] with him. He [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he'll admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. Reality isn't so simple, which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==

Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly 700 different game titles across 19 different platforms. (He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the Gamefly mail-order rental service until August 2010.

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings up the rear. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console; however, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for — there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more egregious examples of Chris's video game related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available — what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around — Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in Brutal Legend was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other [[Random-access humor|quirky, offbeat]] games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[Random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in Brutal Legend was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and Music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to an enjoyer of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely common or extremely shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Sewer Shark'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

He never seems to show interest in high-profile games like ''Super Mario Galaxy 2'' or ''Metroid: Other M'', and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (like ''Metroid Prime'', ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time'' and ''Super Mario World'') are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks. He also owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. Games like ''Call of Duty'' or ''Grand Theft Auto'', examples of "hardcore" games aimed at adults are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile [[Hex Box]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Video_games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the Gamecube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. It is unknown at which point Chris defected to Sony, nor the reasons for doing so. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger's syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network, but he doesn't seem to spend too much of his time actively following more dedicated gaming websites or message boards. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with Megan's quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Grind Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"). He could easily check and see that this is not true, but possibly he hasn't tried putting his LBP copy into his Wii yet because the [[Jerkops|cops]] would stop him.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, holographs of the kind we can only see in science fiction right now.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[Club Nintendo]] - With details on Chris's Wii download collection
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Marvel at the massive waste of taxpayer dollars
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]] - Speaking of taxpayer dollars...
* ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' - The game that ate November 2008, Chris's favorite title of the last few years
* [[PS3]] - Chris's "life upgrade" and current console of choice

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2011-04-20T22:53:06Z

ManInThePickleSuit: Added note about camera placement

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of 3 videos and a handful of photos, showing [[Christian Weston Chandler]] engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. The footage was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.]''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[Semen|cum]] I just masturborted out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]]

Couldn't find any [[Obesity|chocolate syrup]], but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

Can be viewed here: [http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html]

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?7yw5fyttez9]

==Spank Dat Ass==

===Transcript===

''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his filthy, yellowed mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh Ivy, that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

''[it should be noted that, strangely enough, the camera is positioned in the exact same spot as it was during the [[For Julie's Eyes Only|Sex Tape]], which, given the subject matter, is...fitting]''

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg
Image:Spanking2.jpg
Image:Spanking3.jpg
</gallery></center>

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?9zgntjn3tl5]

==How NOT to take a Shower==

{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin tone is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he is holding the hands of a small child. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, and has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitals extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|Oh god that grout.
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the <s>camera</s> mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

Can be viewed here: [http://www.slutload.com/watch/BiQqrpqIPub/Chris-chan-takes-a-Shower.html]

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?htymxy4incb]

==Really? This fetish?==
A set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers (nappies to Eurofags), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]].

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg
Image:HelloSpas.jpg
Image:Ecp00065.jpg
Image:Ecp00066.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?ujy9stnezvm]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-16]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2011-04-20T22:51:57Z

ManInThePickleSuit: Added note about camera placement

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of 3 videos and a handful of photos, showing [[Christian Weston Chandler]] engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. The footage was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.]''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[Semen|cum]] I just masturborted out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]]

Couldn't find any [[Obesity|chocolate syrup]], but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

Can be viewed here: [http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html]

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?7yw5fyttez9]

==Spank Dat Ass==

===Transcript===

''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his filthy, yellowed mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh Ivy, that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

''[it should be noted that, strangely enough, the camera is positioned in the exact same spot as it was during the [[Sex Tape]], which, given the subject matter, is...fitting]''

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg
Image:Spanking2.jpg
Image:Spanking3.jpg
</gallery></center>

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?9zgntjn3tl5]

==How NOT to take a Shower==

{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin tone is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he is holding the hands of a small child. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, and has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitals extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|Oh god that grout.
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the <s>camera</s> mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

Can be viewed here: [http://www.slutload.com/watch/BiQqrpqIPub/Chris-chan-takes-a-Shower.html]

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?htymxy4incb]

==Really? This fetish?==
A set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers (nappies to Eurofags), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]].

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg
Image:HelloSpas.jpg
Image:Ecp00065.jpg
Image:Ecp00066.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?ujy9stnezvm]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-16]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2011-04-20T22:51:23Z

ManInThePickleSuit: Added note about camera placement

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of 3 videos and a handful of photos, showing [[Christian Weston Chandler]] engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. The footage was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.]''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[Semen|cum]] I just masturborted out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]]

Couldn't find any [[Obesity|chocolate syrup]], but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

Can be viewed here: [http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html]

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?7yw5fyttez9]

==Spank Dat Ass==

===Transcript===

''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his filthy, yellowed mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh Ivy, that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

''[it should be noted that, strangely enough, the camera is positioned in the exact same spot as it was during the [[Sex Video]], which, given the subject matter, is...fitting]]''

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg
Image:Spanking2.jpg
Image:Spanking3.jpg
</gallery></center>

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?9zgntjn3tl5]

==How NOT to take a Shower==

{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin tone is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he is holding the hands of a small child. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, and has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitals extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screen caps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|Oh god that grout.
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the <s>camera</s> mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

Can be viewed here: [http://www.slutload.com/watch/BiQqrpqIPub/Chris-chan-takes-a-Shower.html]

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?htymxy4incb]

==Really? This fetish?==
A set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers (nappies to Eurofags), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]].

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg
Image:HelloSpas.jpg
Image:Ecp00065.jpg
Image:Ecp00066.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

* Download: [http://www.mediafire.com/?ujy9stnezvm]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-16]]

CWCville

2011-04-20T15:04:12Z

ManInThePickleSuit: Added lulzier video

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nhjNgwJJLHo}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of reality and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]

[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Sonic's World.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen/mentioned in the comic.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chandler is Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections. Contrary to this, he has insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville). The issue is further convoluted when Chris says that voting is strictly for the Board of Director Members<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref>, though Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to.

[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor]].]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. the [[Wikipedia:Kim Il Sung|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea, the [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran, and the [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti).

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref>, but later decided not to. On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random and [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]]. Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Michael Snyder|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Fictional places]]