CWCki - User contributions [en]

Mailbag/References

2011-04-20T00:52:23Z

Manwithoutabody:

The [[Trolls|fans]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] love to mail Chris using the names of famous individuals, both real and fictional. Chris only seems to realize that he's heard of these people before if they repeatedly mention who they are and what they've done in the body of their letter. For example, Chris noticed and called out Eddie Berganza and Stephen king because they repeatedly mentioned who they were and specifically what they did in their lives. Likewise, Chris failed to notice people like Trent Reznor and Leonardo Da Vinci because the letters did not repeatedly reinforce that they were written by someone important. A more generous interpretation would be that he assumed the names to be internet pen names and left it at that, but it's more likely he didn't notice at all.

==The list==
'''[[Mailbag 1]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Leonardo da Vinci|Leonardo DaVinci]]: Painter, inventor, super genius.

'''[[Mailbag 2]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Family Matters|Laura Winslow]]: The daughter from the TV series ''Family Matters''.
*[[Wikipedia:Rocky IV|Ivan Drago]]: Rocky's opponent from ''Rocky IV''.

'''[[Mailbag 3]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Manuel Noriega|Manuel Noriega]]: Deposed dictatorial leader of Panama.
*While no names are mentioned, one letter speaks of a boy who dropped out of school at 16, was a terrible painter, and had started making political moves with an extreme ideology, essentially a quick summary of [[Wikipedia:Adolf Hitler|Adolf Hitler's]] early years.

'''[[Mailbag 4]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Todd Phillips|Todd Phillips]]: Filmmaker.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Rocky IV|Ivan Drago]].
*[[Wikipedia:Lucifer|Samael Morningstar]]: The devil.
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Stalin|Joseph Stalin]]: Former dictatorial ruler of the Soviet Union.
*[[Wikipedia:Gabe Newell|Gabe Newell]]: Co-founder of game development company Valve.

'''[[Mailbag 5]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:List of Kanto Gym Leaders#Lt. Surge|Lieutenant Surge]]: One of the Gym Leaders in [[Pokemon]].
*[[Wikipedia:General_Von_Klinkerhoffen|Erich Von Klinkerhoffen]]: Nazi from the sitcom ''Allo 'Allo!''

'''[[Mailbag 6]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Levi_Johnston|Levi Johnston]]: The guy who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter.
*[[Wikipedia:Kim Jong-un|Kim Jong Un]]: Third son of Kim Jong-Il, the psychopathic manchild running North Korea.
*[[Wikipedia:John Wayne Gacy|John Gacy]]: Serial murderer known as the "Killer Clown".

'''[[Mailbag 7]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Jeffrey Dahmer|Jeffrey Dahmer]]: [[Homos|Gay]] serial murderer who liked to eat people.
*[[Wikipedia:Starship Troopers|Sergeant Charles Zim]]: A character from ''Starship Troopers'', played by Clancy Brown in the movie.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Levi_Johnston|Levi Johnston]].

'''[[Mailbag 8]]'''
*Linetrap. But she doesn't really count.

'''[[Mailbag 9]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:The Big Lebowski|Walter Sobchak]]: John Goodman's character in the movie ''The Big Lebowski''. Goodman himself is mentioned in the body of the email.
*[[Wikipedia:Horst Wessel|Horst Wessel]]: Slain activist made into an icon of the Nazi Party.
*[[Wikipedia:Trent Reznor|Trent Reznor]]: Nine Inch Nails frontman.
*[[Wikipedia:Mahmoud Ahmadinejad|Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]]: Current president of Iran.

'''[[Mailbag 10]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Mahmoud Ahmadinejad|Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]].

'''[[Mailbag 11]]'''
*[[wikipedia:Paul Bernardo|Paul Bernardo]]: Serial killer and rapist.
*[[wikipedia:There_Will_Be_Blood|Daniel Plainview]]: Daniel Day-Lewis' character in the movie ''There Will Be Blood''.
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Joestar|Joseph Joestar]]: The second-generation hero from the manga ''JoJo's Bizarre Adventure''.

'''[[Mailbag 12]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Besarion Jughashvili|Besarion Jughashvili]]: Joseph Stalin's father.
*Another repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Levi Johnston|Levi Johnston]].

'''[[Mailbag 13]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Darwin|Charles Darwin]]: Scientist best known for first postulating the Theory of Evolution.
*[[Wikipedia:The Man Who Was Thursday|Gabriel Syme]]: Main character of the Christian allegory ''The Man Who Was Thursday''.
*[[Wikipedia:Rod Blagojevich|Rod Blagojevich]]: Disgraced former governor of Illinois.
*[[Wikipedia:Walter Breuning|Walter Breuning]]: Guy who's really, really old.
*[[Wikipedia:Oedipus Rex|Oedipus Rex]]: Main character of the play by Sophocles of the same name.
*[[wikipedia:Jokela school shooting|Erik Pikkuvikainen]]: Spliced-around version of Pekka-Eric Auvinen, the kid responsible for the Jokela school shooting.
*[[Wikipedia:Albert Speer|Albert Speer]]: German architect and minister in Hitler's government. Email address "domebuilder" refers to [[wikipedia:Volkshalle|a famously disproportionate design]].

'''[[Mailbag 14]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Jackson (manager)|Joseph Jackson]]: Michael Jackson's father.
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Whitman|Charles Whitman]]: Clock tower sniper.
*[[Wikipedia:Paul McCartney|Paul McCartney]]: International rock star and former member of The Beatles.
*[[Wikipedia:Gloria Steinem|Gloria Steinem]]: Feminist activist.
*[[Wikipedia:Elton John|Elton John]]: International rock star. Wrote under his birth name: Reginald Dwight.
*[[Wikipedia:Eddie Berganza|Eddie Berganza]]: Comic artist.

'''[[Mailbag 15]]'''
*[[wikipedia:Norio Wakamoto|Norio Wakamoto]]: Japanese voice actor.
*[[wikipedia:Alfred_Jarry|Alfred Jarry]]: French absurdist author and playwright.

'''[[Mailbag 16]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]]: Porn star.
*[[Wikipedia:Rembrandt_Brown|Rembrandt Brown]]: Fictional singer from the TV show ''Sliders''. His e-mail address, "Crying Man," refers to his nickname within the show.

'''[[Mailbag 17]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Johnny Winter|Johnny Winter]]: Blues singer.
*[[Wikipedia:Rob_Schneider|Robert Schneider]]: American film actor.

'''[[Mailbag 18]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Joseph Jackson (manager)|Joseph Jackson]].
*[[Wikipedia:Ed Gein|Edward Gein]]: Insane murderer and grave robber, inspired ''The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'', ''Psycho'' and the Buffalo Bill character in ''The Silence of the Lambs''.
*[[Wikipedia:The Screwtape Letters|Wormwood]]: Apprentice demon from C.S. Lewis's novel ''The Screwtape Letters''. Screwtape himself, Wormwood's uncle and mentor, is mentioned, referred to as "Mr. Tape".
*[[Wikipedia:Castlevania|Maria Renard]]: A character in several ''Castlevania'' games.

'''[[Mailbag 19]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Marilyn vos Savant|Marilyn vos Savant]]: Held the Guinness world record for Highest IQ until that record was retired.
*[[Wikipedia:Light Yagami|Light Yagami]]: Mass-murdering main character of ''Death Note''. His name is written weeaboo style as "Yagami Raito".
*[[Wikipedia:Black_Dynamite|Fiendish Dr. Wu]]: Antagonist and kung fu master from ''Black Dynamite''.

'''[[Mailbag 20]]'''
*While not written by any specific character, a direct reference to [[Wikipedia:Strong Bad|Strong Bad]].
*[[Wikipedia:Cory_Matthews|Corey Matthews]]: Main character of ''Boy Meets World''.
*[[Wikipedia:Bruce Lee|Bruce Lee]]: Martial artist and actor, written under his Chinese name "Lee Jun Fan".

'''[[Mailbag 21]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Margaret Mead|Margaret Mead]]: Christian anthropologist and writer.
*[[Wikipedia:Jesus Christ|Jesus Christ]]: The Christian Messiah.
*[[Wikipedia:Colin Baker|Colin Baker]]: English actor who portrayed the 6th incarnation of [[wikipedia:Doctor Who|The Doctor.]]

'''[[Mailbag 22]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Jones (singer)|Tom Jones]]: Popular Welsh lounge singer. Also the protagonist of Henry Fielding's novel ''[[wikipedia:The_History_of_Tom_Jones,_a_Foundling|The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling]]'', from whom the singer takes his stage name.

'''[[Mailbag 23]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Adolf Meyer (psychiatrist)|Adolf Meyer]]: Psychologist and former president of the American Psychiatric Association.
*[[Wikipedia:Monkey Island (series)|Guybrush Threepwood]]: Protagonist of the ''Monkey Island'' adventure game series.
*[[Wikipedia:The Fountainhead|Howard Roark]]: Main character of the Ayn Rand novel ''The Fountainhead''.
*[[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Pokémon anime series#Rivals|Gary Oak]]: Ash's rival from the ''Pokemon'' series.
*[[Wikipedia:Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold]]: Columbine school shooters. The letter was not purported to be written by them specifically, but contained their pictures, and was written by someone claiming to be their teacher.
*[[Wikipedia:Morrissey|Steven Patrick Morrissey]]: Singer, former member of The Smiths.
*[[Wikipedia:Mega Man (original series)|Thomas Light]]: Inventor of ''Mega Man'', from the video game series of the same name.

'''[[Mailbag 24]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Lizzie_Borden|Liz Borden]]: Boston woman famously accused of murdering her father and stepmother, but never convicted.
*[[wikipedia:Pretty_Woman|Vivian Ward]]: Main character of the movie ''Pretty Woman''.
*[[Wikipedia:Sayonara,_Zetsubou-Sensei|Zetsubou-sensei]]: Main character of the manga ''Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei''.
*[[Wikipedia:Wolverine_(comics)|Wolverine]]: Marvel Comics superhero, written under his real name "Logan".
*[[Wikipedia:Magneto_(comics)|Magneto]]: Marvel Comics supervillain, written under the name "Max Eisenhardt".

'''[[Mailbag 25]]'''
*Linetrap again.

'''[[Mailbag 26]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Aliens (film)|Trevor Wierzbowski]]: Minor character from the movie ''Aliens''.
*[[Wikipedia:Stephen King|Stephen King]]: Famed horror author. Chris actually noticed this one, probably because the writer of the letter was too blatant.
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Brown (entertainer)|Christopher Brown]]: R&B singer. His letter is written about his then-[[Wikipedia:Rihanna|Rihanna]], and how he beat the hell out of her.

'''[[Mailbag 27]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|Ted Kennedy]]: Politician, recently deceased. Wrote about [[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo Kopechne]], the girl who died next to him in the infamous Chappaquiddick car accident.
*[[Wikipedia:John Calvin|John Calvin]]: Christian philosopher whose ideas about predestination have shaped much of Protestantism.
*[[Wikipedia:Jack Harkness|Jack Harkness]]: Character from ''Doctor Who'' and its spinoff, ''Torchwood'' (referred to by the email handle)
*[[Wikipedia:Randal Graves|Randal Graves]]: Character from Kevin Smith's movies.
*[[Wikipedia:David Vanian|David Vanian]]: Lead singer for the punk rock band The Damned.
*And Linetrap again.

'''[[Mailbag 28]]'''
*Linetrap

'''[[Mailbag 29]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Variations_of_green#Feldgrau|Herr Feldgrau]]: This enthusiastically racist correspondent is named after the color of German army uniforms during World War II: "feldgrau" is German for "field gray."
*Reprint of [[Wikipedia:Eddie Berganza|Eddie Berganza]]'s letter. While it's likely Chris has no idea who this is, he called him out on his identity, probably because the letter made a very big deal out of his career.

'''[[Mailbag 30]]'''
*[[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]]: Character from Family Guy. Chris noticed and played along as the author was playing up his proposed ''Family Guy'' script.
*[[Wikipedia:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]: Comic artist.
*[[Wikipedia:Stan (song)|Stan]]: Character from the [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] song of the same name. Text of the letter was the first verse of said song, altered to apply to Chris.

'''[[Mailbag 31]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]]: Deceased American pop singer, famously accused of child molestation, but never convicted.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Stephen King|Stephen King]]. Chris either refused to respond or forgot.
*[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VII|Rufus Shinra]]: Character from the video game ''Final Fantasy VII''.

'''[[Mailbag 32]]'''
*While not using any character's name, one author's name and e-mail address were a reference to the Dethtroll episode of [[Wikipedia:Metalocalypse|Metalocalypse]].
*[[Wikipedia:H. P. Lovecraft|H. P. Lovecraft]]: Author, creator of the cosmic horror genre of literature.
*[[Wikipedia:Jane Austen|Jane Austen]]: Author of ''Pride and Prejudice'' and other romantic novels. Humorously, Chris accused her of being uncreative.

'''[[Mailbag 33]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Edward R. Burke|Ed Burke]]: American politician. Might also refer to the British political philosopher [[Wikipedia:Edmund Burke|Edmund Burke]].

'''[[Mailbag 34]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ezra Pound|Ezra Pound]]: Poet. Oddly, the e-mail address given referenced Shakespeare's play [[Wikipedia:The Merchant of Venice|The Merchant of Venice]], which has a [[Michael Snyder|scary Jewish man]] as the villain.
*[[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Gillian Seed]]: Main character of the video game ''Snatcher''.
*[[Wikipedia:Baby-sitters club#Mary Anne Spier|Mary Anne Spier]]: Character from ''The Baby-Sitters Club'', a series of novels for young girls.

'''[[Mailbag 35]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Gillian Seed]].
*[[Wikipedia:Josef Mengele|Josef Mengele]]: Nazi war criminal, famous for his inhumane medical experiments.
*[[Wikipedia:Fred West|Fred West]]: English serial killer and rapist.

'''[[Mailbag 36]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Kevin Mitnick|Kevin Mitnick]]: Renowned '80s computer hacker.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]], this time claiming to be a clergyman.

'''[[Mailbag 37]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Gary Larson|Gary Larson]]: Creator of ''The Far Side'' cartoons.

'''[[Mailbag 38]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Freddie Mercury|Freddie Mercury]]: Lead singer of the band Queen. Written under his Persian birth name Farrokh Bulsara.
*[[Wikipedia:Toby Klein|"Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein]]: American professional wrestler.

'''[[Mailbag 39]]'''
*Another repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].
*[[Wikipedia:Gendo Ikari|Gendo Ikari]]: Character from the anime series ''Neon Genesis Evangelion''.
*[[Wikipedia:Chang Yu-sheng|Chang Yu-sheng]]: Late Chinese vocalist.
*[[Wikipedia:Puyo Puyo|Arle Nadja]]: Protagonist of the ''Puyo Puyo'' video games.
*[[Wikipedia:Vidkun Quisling|Vidkun Quisling]]: Norwegian politician, attempted to seize power during WWII and was subsequently executed for treason.
*[[Wikipedia:Quincy Magoo|Mr. Magoo]]: Legally blind cartoon character.

'''[[Mailbag 40]]'''
*[[Blake]]: Black Sonichu. Not "famous", but Chris completely missed it anyways.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]].

'''[[Mailbag 41]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Milton Bradley|Milton Bradley]]: Board game pioneer.
*[[Wikipedia:William McKinley|William McKinley]]: 25th president of the United States.
*[[Wikipedia:Neil Gaiman|Neil Gaiman]]: Novelist and author of the ''Sandman'' comic book series.
*[[Wikipedia:Kathryn Janeway|Kathryn Janeway]]: Character from the TV series ''Star Trek: Voyager''.

'''[[Mailbag 42]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Augustus Hill|Augustus Hill]]: Character from the TV series ''Oz''.
*[[Wikipedia:Jaz Hoyt|Jazz Hoyt]]: Another character from ''Oz''.
*[[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Randam Hajile]]: Character from the video game ''Snatcher''.
*[[Wikipedia:John Williams|John Williams]]: Composer of film soundtracks.
*[[Wikipedia:Fight Club#Robert "Bob" Paulson|Robert Paulson]]: Character from the movie ''Fight Club''. The only reference to his full name was in his e-mail address.
*[[Wikipedia:Tomás de Torquemada|Tomás de Torquemada]]: Leader of the Spanish Inquisition. Written under the name "Thomas Torquemada".
*[[Wikipedia:Kareem Saïd|Kareem Saïd]]: Yet another character from ''Oz''. Written under the name "Kareem Siad".

'''[[Mailbag 43]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Masaki Sumitani|Masaki Sumitani]]: Japanese comedian and actor. Most famous for his character [[Homos|Hard Gay]].
*[[Wikipedia:List of recurring Monty Python's Flying Circus characters|Ken Shabby]]: Recurring character from [[Monty Python]]'s Flying Circus.
*[[Wikipedia:R. Dorothy Wayneright|R. Dorothy Wayneright]]: Android girl from the anime series ''Big O''.
*[[Wikipedia:G.K. Chesterton|G.K. Chesterton]]: English Catholic apologist and author.

'''[[Mailbag 44]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Max Cady|Max Cady]]:Character from the novel ''The Executioners'', adapted for the movies as ''Cape Fear''.
*[[Wikipedia:Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy|Trevor McFur]]: Furry from ''Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy'', a launch game for the Atari Jaguar game console.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Randam Hajile]].

'''[[Mailbag 45]]'''
*[[Duck|Mike Hawke]]: Dick joke commonly used in prank calls.
*Another appearance from [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]], whose life is rapidly deteriorating.
*[[Wikipedia:Manfred Eicher|Manfred Eicher]]: German record producer.
*[[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]]: Actor, most famously known for playing Buck Rogers.
*[[Wikipedia:Adam Savage|Adam Savage]]: Co-host of ''Mythbusters''. Chris likely noticed, as the e-mail made a big deal out of him being from Mythbusters, and then sent him a picture of a man's asshole.

'''[[Mailbag 46]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Kevin Peter Hall|Kevin Peter Hall]]: Actor, the man in the alien suit in the first two ''Predator'' films.
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Green|Tom Green]]: Either a terrible comedian or an avant-garde genius, depending on whom you ask.

'''[[Mailbag 47]]'''
*While not a direct reference, one e-mail address referenced "[[Wikipedia:Rocket to Russia|Teenage Lobotomy]]" a song by [[Wikipedia:The Ramones|The Ramones]].
*[[Wikipedia:Valentina Tereshkova|Valentina Tereshkova]]: Russian astronaut and the first woman in space.
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Vilsack|Tom Vilsack]]: Current U.S. Secretary of Agriculture.

'''[[Mailbag 48]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Jeff_Gerstmann|Jeff Gerstmann]]: Video game journalist, notorious for his firing from GameSpot.
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] returns, all bummed out that Chris broke his promise.
*[[Wikipedia:The Proposition|Morris Stanley]]: Ray Winstone's character in the [[PandaHalo|Aussie]] Western film ''The Proposition''. Unlike in the film, the proposition made in the email revolved around Chris's petty rivalry with ''[[Asperchu]]'', since Chris would have little interest in saving [[Cole Smithey|his brother]] from being hanged.
*[[Wikipedia:Billy Herrington|Billy Herrington]]: Bisexual porn star, the inspiration for many strange memes among Japanese nerds. His e-mail handle, "Bro Aniki," is a reference to the [[Wikipedia: Cho Aniki|Cho Aniki]] video game series, which is rife with homosexual innuendo.

'''[[Mailbag 49]]'''
*One letter combined the names of [[Wikipedia:Bart Simpson|Bart Simpson]] of The Simpsons and [[Wikipedia:Brock Samson|Brock Samson]] of the Venture Brothers. Probably the second time Chris [[Father Call|failed to recognize Brock]].
*[[Wikipedia:Fist of the Blue Sky|Kenshiro Kasumi]]: Main character of the manga series ''Fist of the Blue Sky''.

'''[[Mailbag 50]]'''
*Nothing. No actual e-mails either, because Chris copypasta'd a bunch of sarcastic forum posts that pretended to kiss his ass and took them all at face value.

'''[[Mailbag 51]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]].
*[[Wikipedia:The Notorious B.I.G.|The Notorious B.I.G.]]: Deceased rapper, written under his nickname "Biggie".
*[[Wikipedia:Scott Bernard|Scott Bernard]]: Character from the cartoon series ''Robotech''.
*While it did not refer to any single character, one name and e-mail address was a direct reference to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZZUMjoxfZA mahvel baybee].

'''[[Mailbag 52]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Lisa Marie Presley|Lisa Marie Presley]]: As "Marie Jackson" revealing the tragic ending of the [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] saga. In a bizarre inversion, Chris assumes the letter is about the real Michael Jackson, and ignores it.

'''[[Mailbag 53]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Christopher Doyle|Chris Doyle]]: Award-winning Australian cinematographer.
*[[Wikipedia:Jack Marsh|Jack Marsh]]: Renowned Australian cricketer.
*[[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]]: Star of an old YouTube meme.
*[[Wikipedia:Robert_William_Fisher|Robert Fisher]]: Possibly referring to the FBI most-wanted fugitive who murdered his family in 2001.
*[[Wikipedia:Frank Burns|Frank Burns]]: A character from the movie and TV series ''M*A*S*H''.

'''[[Mailbag 54]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:David_Wright_(baseball)|David Wright]]: New York Mets All-Star third baseman.
*[[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]]: Hero of the novel and film ''I Am Legend''. Has been played by Charlton Heston, Vincent Price, and Will Smith.
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Steele|Michael Steele]]: Chairman of the Republican National Committee (openly identified as such).
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Neon Genesis Evangelion|Gendo Ikari]], now using the e-mail handle "It's Gendo" (in reference to a fan-parody video).

'''[[Mailbag 55]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Anna Malle|Anna Malle]]: Deceased pornographic film actress.
*[[Wikipedia:Dale_Gribble#Rusty_Shackleford|Rusty Shackleford]]: Alias used by the character Dale Gribble from the TV cartoon ''King of the Hill''.
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Aznavour|Charles Aznavour]]: French singer and songwriter, namesake of the anime character Char Aznable.
*[[Wikipedia:Harry Patridge|Harry Partridge]]: Beloved internet animator. The thing is, it's probably the real Harry.
*[[Wikipedia:John Shaft|John Shaft]]: Hero of several 1970s blaxploitation movies.
*Repeat appearances by [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]] and [[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]]. Leeland (Tran's best friend) also sends an email.

'''[[Mailbag 56]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Mystery_Science_Theater_3000|Crow Servo]]: Amalgam of the characters Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo from the TV series ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''.
*Another e-mail in the [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] saga, this time allegedly from his son.
*Repeat appearances by [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]] and [[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]].

'''[[Mailbag 57]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Fyodor Dostoyevsky]]: Russian novelist.
*[[Wikipedia:Planeteer|Ma-Ti]]: Character from '90s TV cartoon ''Captain Planet and the Planeteers''.

'''[[Mailbag 58]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Reimu Hakurei|Reimu Hakurei]]: One of the main characters from the [[Wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]] series of games. The e-mail handle 'diochromatic.butterfly' is a reference to one of her theme songs.
*[[Wikipedia:Takato Matsuda|Takato Matsuda]]: One of the main characters from [[Wikipedia:Digimon Tamers|Digimon Tamers]], known in America as Digimon Season 3.
*[[Wikipedia:Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser Wilhelm]]: Leader of Germany until its defeat in World War I.
*[[Wikipedia:Sam_the_eagle|Sam Eagle]]: A recurring character from ''The Muppet Show''.
*[[Wikipedia:Frank_Miller_(comics)|Frank Miller]]: American comic artist, creator of ''Sin City''.
*[[Wikipedia:List_of_recurring_Metal_Gear_characters#Hal_Emmerich|Hal Emmerich]]: Hacker/researcher from the [[Metal Gear Solid]] series of videogames. The e-mail address refers to "Konota" [''sic''] from [[Wikipedia:Lucky Star (manga)|Lucky Star]].
*[[Wikipedia:David Hubbard|David Hubbard]]: Long-deceased senator from Alabama.

'''[[Mailbag 59]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Paul Hogan|Paul Hogan]]: Australian actor, star of the ''Crocodile Dundee'' films.

'''[[Mailbag 60]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Terry Bogard|Terry Bogard]]: Hero of the ''Fatal Fury'' video games, who writes using his full name Terrence Bogard. Perhaps coincidentally, another correspondent the the same mailbag uses the nickname "Big Bear," which was also the name of a minor character from ''Fatal Fury 2''.
[[Category:Fan]]

Mailbag/References

2011-04-20T00:33:20Z

Manwithoutabody:

The [[Trolls|fans]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] love to mail Chris using the names of famous individuals, both real and fictional. Chris only seems to realize that he's heard of these people before if they repeatedly mention who they are and what they've done in the body of their letter. For example, Chris noticed and called out Eddie Berganza and Stephen king because they repeatedly mentioned who they were and specifically what they did in their lives. Likewise, Chris failed to notice people like Trent Reznor and Leonardo Da Vinci because the letters did not repeatedly reinforce that they were written by someone important. A more generous interpretation would be that he assumed the names to be internet pen names and left it at that, but it's more likely he didn't notice at all.

==The list==
'''[[Mailbag 1]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Leonardo da Vinci|Leonardo DaVinci]]: Painter, inventor, super genius.

'''[[Mailbag 2]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Family Matters|Laura Winslow]]: The daughter from the TV series ''Family Matters''.
*[[Wikipedia:Rocky IV|Ivan Drago]]: Rocky's opponent from ''Rocky IV''.

'''[[Mailbag 3]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Manuel Noriega|Manuel Noriega]]: Deposed dictatorial leader of Panama.
*While no names are mentioned, one letter speaks of a boy who dropped out of school at 16, was a terrible painter, and had started making political moves with an extreme ideology, essentially a quick summary of [[Wikipedia:Adolf Hitler|Adolf Hitler's]] early years.

'''[[Mailbag 4]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Todd Phillips|Todd Phillips]]: Filmmaker.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Rocky IV|Ivan Drago]].
*[[Wikipedia:Lucifer|Samael Morningstar]]: The devil.
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Stalin|Joseph Stalin]]: Former dictatorial ruler of the Soviet Union.
*[[Wikipedia:Gabe Newell|Gabe Newell]]: Co-founder of game development company Valve.

'''[[Mailbag 5]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:List of Kanto Gym Leaders#Lt. Surge|Lieutenant Surge]]: One of the Gym Leaders in [[Pokemon]].
*[[Wikipedia:General_Von_Klinkerhoffen|Erich Von Klinkerhoffen]]: Nazi from the sitcom ''Allo 'Allo!''

'''[[Mailbag 6]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Levi_Johnston|Levi Johnston]]: The guy who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter.
*[[Wikipedia:Kim Jong-un|Kim Jong Un]]: Third son of Kim Jong-Il, the psychopathic manchild running North Korea.
*[[Wikipedia:John Wayne Gacy|John Gacy]]: Serial murderer known as the "Killer Clown".

'''[[Mailbag 7]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Jeffrey Dahmer|Jeffrey Dahmer]]: [[Homos|Gay]] serial murderer who liked to eat people.
*[[Wikipedia:Starship Troopers|Sergeant Charles Zim]]: A character from ''Starship Troopers'', played by Clancy Brown in the movie.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Levi_Johnston|Levi Johnston]].

'''[[Mailbag 8]]'''
*Linetrap. But she doesn't really count.

'''[[Mailbag 9]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:The Big Lebowski|Walter Sobchak]]: John Goodman's character in the movie ''The Big Lebowski''.
*[[Wikipedia:Horst Wessel|Horst Wessel]]: Slain activist made into an icon of the Nazi Party.
*[[Wikipedia:Trent Reznor|Trent Reznor]]: Nine Inch Nails frontman.
*[[Wikipedia:Mahmoud Ahmadinejad|Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]]: Current president of Iran.

'''[[Mailbag 10]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Mahmoud Ahmadinejad|Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]].

'''[[Mailbag 11]]'''
*[[wikipedia:Paul Bernardo|Paul Bernardo]]: Serial killer and rapist.
*[[wikipedia:There_Will_Be_Blood|Daniel Plainview]]: Daniel Day-Lewis' character in the movie ''There Will Be Blood''.
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Joestar|Joseph Joestar]]: The second-generation hero from the manga ''JoJo's Bizarre Adventure''.

'''[[Mailbag 12]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Besarion Jughashvili|Besarion Jughashvili]]: Joseph Stalin's father.
*Another repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Levi Johnston|Levi Johnston]].

'''[[Mailbag 13]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Darwin|Charles Darwin]]: Scientist best known for first postulating the Theory of Evolution.
*[[Wikipedia:The Man Who Was Thursday|Gabriel Syme]]: Main character of the Christian allegory ''The Man Who Was Thursday''.
*[[Wikipedia:Rod Blagojevich|Rod Blagojevich]]: Disgraced former governor of Illinois.
*[[Wikipedia:Walter Breuning|Walter Breuning]]: Guy who's really, really old.
*[[Wikipedia:Oedipus Rex|Oedipus Rex]]: Main character of the play by Sophocles of the same name.
*[[wikipedia:Jokela school shooting|Erik Pikkuvikainen]]: Spliced-around version of Pekka-Eric Auvinen, the kid responsible for the Jokela school shooting.
*[[Wikipedia:Albert Speer|Albert Speer]]: German architect and minister in Hitler's government. Email address "domebuilder" refers to [[wikipedia:Volkshalle|a famously disproportionate design]].

'''[[Mailbag 14]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Jackson (manager)|Joseph Jackson]]: Michael Jackson's father.
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Whitman|Charles Whitman]]: Clock tower sniper.
*[[Wikipedia:Paul McCartney|Paul McCartney]]: International rock star and former member of The Beatles.
*[[Wikipedia:Gloria Steinem|Gloria Steinem]]: Feminist activist.
*[[Wikipedia:Elton John|Elton John]]: International rock star. Wrote under his birth name: Reginald Dwight.
*[[Wikipedia:Eddie Berganza|Eddie Berganza]]: Comic artist.

'''[[Mailbag 15]]'''
*[[wikipedia:Norio Wakamoto|Norio Wakamoto]]: Japanese voice actor.
*[[wikipedia:Alfred_Jarry|Alfred Jarry]]: French absurdist author and playwright.

'''[[Mailbag 16]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]]: Porn star.
*[[Wikipedia:Rembrandt_Brown|Rembrandt Brown]]: Fictional singer from the TV show ''Sliders''. His e-mail address, "Crying Man," refers to his nickname within the show.

'''[[Mailbag 17]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Johnny Winter|Johnny Winter]]: Blues singer.
*[[Wikipedia:Rob_Schneider|Robert Schneider]]: American film actor.

'''[[Mailbag 18]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Joseph Jackson (manager)|Joseph Jackson]].
*[[Wikipedia:Ed Gein|Edward Gein]]: Insane murderer and grave robber, inspired ''The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'' and ''Psycho''.
*[[Wikipedia:The Screwtape Letters|Wormwood]]: Apprentice demon from C.S. Lewis's novel ''The Screwtape Letters''. Screwtape himself, Wormwood's uncle and mentor, is mentioned, referred to as "Mr. Tape".
*[[Wikipedia:Castlevania|Maria Renard]]: A character in several ''Castlevania'' games.

'''[[Mailbag 19]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Marilyn vos Savant|Marilyn vos Savant]]: Smartest person in the world.
*[[Wikipedia:Light Yagami|Light Yagami]]: Mass-murdering main character of ''Death Note''. His name is written weeaboo style as "Yagami Raito".
*[[Wikipedia:Black_Dynamite|Fiendish Dr. Wu]]: Antagonist and kung fu master from ''Black Dynamite''.

'''[[Mailbag 20]]'''
*While not written by any specific character, a direct reference to [[Wikipedia:Strong Bad|Strong Bad]].
*[[Wikipedia:Cory_Matthews|Corey Matthews]]: Main character of ''Boy Meets World''.
*[[Wikipedia:Bruce Lee|Bruce Lee]]: Martial artist and actor, written under his Chinese name "Lee Jun Fan".

'''[[Mailbag 21]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Margaret Mead|Margaret Mead]]: Christian anthropologist and writer.
*[[Wikipedia:Jesus Christ|Jesus Christ]]: The Christian Messiah.
*[[Wikipedia:Colin Baker|Colin Baker]]: English actor who portrayed the 6th incarnation of [[wikipedia:Doctor Who|The Doctor.]]

'''[[Mailbag 22]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Jones (singer)|Tom Jones]]: Popular Welsh lounge singer. Also the protagonist of Henry Fielding's novel ''[[wikipedia:The_History_of_Tom_Jones,_a_Foundling|The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling]]'', from whom the singer takes his stage name.

'''[[Mailbag 23]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Adolf Meyer (psychiatrist)|Adolf Meyer]]: Psychologist and former president of the American Psychiatric Association.
*[[Wikipedia:Monkey Island (series)|Guybrush Threepwood]]: Protagonist of the ''Monkey Island'' adventure game series.
*[[Wikipedia:The Fountainhead|Howard Roark]]: Main character of the Ayn Rand novel ''The Fountainhead''.
*[[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Pokémon anime series#Rivals|Gary Oak]]: Ash's rival from the ''Pokemon'' series.
*[[Wikipedia:Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold]]: Columbine school shooters. The letter was not purported to be written by them specifically, but contained their pictures, and was written by someone claiming to be their teacher.
*[[Wikipedia:Morrissey|Steven Patrick Morrissey]]: Singer, former member of The Smiths.
*[[Wikipedia:Mega Man (original series)|Thomas Light]]: Inventor of ''Mega Man'', from the video game series of the same name.

'''[[Mailbag 24]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Lizzie_Borden|Liz Borden]]: Boston woman famously accused of murdering her parents, but never convicted.
*[[wikipedia:Pretty_Woman|Vivian Ward]]: Main character of the movie ''Pretty Woman''.
*[[Wikipedia:Sayonara,_Zetsubou-Sensei|Zetsubou-sensei]]: Main character of the manga ''Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei''.
*[[Wikipedia:Wolverine_(comics)|Wolverine]]: Marvel Comics superhero, written under his real name "Logan".
*[[Wikipedia:Magneto_(comics)|Magneto]]: Marvel Comics supervillain, written under the name "Max Eisenhardt".

'''[[Mailbag 25]]'''
*Linetrap again.

'''[[Mailbag 26]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Aliens (film)|Trevor Wierzbowski]]: Minor character from the movie ''Aliens''.
*[[Wikipedia:Stephen King|Stephen King]]: Famed horror author. Chris actually noticed this one, probably because the writer of the letter was too blatant.
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Brown (entertainer)|Christopher Brown]]: R&B singer. His letter is written about his girlfriend [[Wikipedia:Rihanna|Rihanna]], and how he beat the hell out of her.

'''[[Mailbag 27]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|Ted Kennedy]]: Politician, recently deceased. Wrote about [[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo Kopechne]], the girl who died next to him in the infamous Chappaquiddick car accident.
*[[Wikipedia:John Calvin|John Calvin]]: Christian philosopher whose ideas about predestination have shaped much of Protestantism.
*[[Wikipedia:Jack Harkness|Jack Harkness]]: Character from ''Doctor Who'' and its spinoff, ''Torchwood'' (referred to by the email handle)
*[[Wikipedia:Randal Graves|Randal Graves]]: Character from Kevin Smith's movies.
*[[Wikipedia:David Vanian|David Vanian]]: Lead singer for the punk rock band The Damned.
*And Linetrap again.

'''[[Mailbag 28]]'''
*Linetrap

'''[[Mailbag 29]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Variations_of_green#Feldgrau|Herr Feldgrau]]: This enthusiastically racist correspondent is named after the color of German army uniforms during World War II: "feldgrau" is German for "field gray."
*Reprint of [[Wikipedia:Eddie Berganza|Eddie Berganza]]'s letter. While it's likely Chris has no idea who this is, he called him out on his identity, probably because the letter made a very big deal out of his career.

'''[[Mailbag 30]]'''
*[[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]]: Character from Family Guy. Chris noticed and played along as the author was playing up his proposed ''Family Guy'' script.
*[[Wikipedia:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]: Comic artist.
*[[Wikipedia:Stan (song)|Stan]]: Character from the [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] song of the same name. Text of the letter was the first verse of said song, altered to apply to Chris.

'''[[Mailbag 31]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]]: Dead singer, allegedly molested children.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Stephen King|Stephen King]]. Chris either refused to respond or forgot.
*[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VII|Rufus Shinra]]: Character from the video game ''Final Fantasy VII''.

'''[[Mailbag 32]]'''
*While not using any character's name, one author's name and e-mail address were a reference to the Dethtroll episode of [[Wikipedia:Metalocalypse|Metalocalypse]].
*[[Wikipedia:H. P. Lovecraft|H. P. Lovecraft]]: Author, creator of the cosmic horror genre of literature.
*[[Wikipedia:Jane Austen|Jane Austen]]: Author of ''Pride and Prejudice'' and other romantic novels. Humorously, Chris accused her of being uncreative.

'''[[Mailbag 33]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Edward R. Burke|Ed Burke]]: American politician. Might also refer to the British political philosopher [[Wikipedia:Edmund Burke|Edmund Burke]].

'''[[Mailbag 34]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ezra Pound|Ezra Pound]]: Poet. Oddly, the e-mail address given referenced Shakespeare's play [[Wikipedia:The Merchant of Venice|The Merchant of Venice]], which has a [[Michael Snyder|scary Jewish man]] as the villain.
*[[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Gillian Seed]]: Main character of the video game ''Snatcher''.
*[[Wikipedia:Baby-sitters club#Mary Anne Spier|Mary Anne Spier]]: Character from ''The Baby-Sitters Club'', a series of novels for young girls.

'''[[Mailbag 35]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Gillian Seed]].
*[[Wikipedia:Josef Mengele|Josef Mengele]]: Nazi war criminal, famous for his inhumane medical experiments.
*[[Wikipedia:Fred West|Fred West]]: English serial killer and rapist.

'''[[Mailbag 36]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Kevin Mitnick|Kevin Mitnick]]: Renowned '80s computer hacker.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]], this time claiming to be a clergyman.

'''[[Mailbag 37]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Gary Larson|Gary Larson]]: Creator of ''The Far Side'' cartoons.

'''[[Mailbag 38]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Freddie Mercury|Freddie Mercury]]: Lead singer of the band Queen. Written under his Persian birth name Farrokh Bulsara.
*[[Wikipedia:Toby Klein|"Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein]]: American professional wrestler.

'''[[Mailbag 39]]'''
*Another repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].
*[[Wikipedia:Gendo Ikari|Gendo Ikari]]: Character from the anime series ''Neon Genesis Evangelion''.
*[[Wikipedia:Chang Yu-sheng|Chang Yu-sheng]]: Late Chinese vocalist.
*[[Wikipedia:Puyo Puyo|Arle Nadja]]: Protagonist of the ''Puyo Puyo'' video games.
*[[Wikipedia:Vidkun Quisling|Vidkun Quisling]]: Norwegian politician, attempted to seize power during WWII and was subsequently executed for treason.
*[[Wikipedia:Quincy Magoo|Mr. Magoo]]: Legally blind cartoon character.

'''[[Mailbag 40]]'''
*[[Blake]]: Black Sonichu. Not "famous", but Chris completely missed it anyways.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]].

'''[[Mailbag 41]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Milton Bradley|Milton Bradley]]: Board game pioneer.
*[[Wikipedia:William McKinley|William McKinley]]: 25th president of the United States.
*[[Wikipedia:Neil Gaiman|Neil Gaiman]]: Novelist and author of the ''Sandman'' comic book series.
*[[Wikipedia:Kathryn Janeway|Kathryn Janeway]]: Character from the TV series ''Star Trek: Voyager''.

'''[[Mailbag 42]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Augustus Hill|Augustus Hill]]: Character from the TV series ''Oz''.
*[[Wikipedia:Jaz Hoyt|Jazz Hoyt]]: Another character from ''Oz''.
*[[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Randam Hajile]]: Character from the video game ''Snatcher''.
*[[Wikipedia:John Williams|John Williams]]: Composer of film soundtracks.
*[[Wikipedia:Fight Club#Robert "Bob" Paulson|Robert Paulson]]: Character from the movie ''Fight Club''. The only reference to his full name was in his e-mail address.
*[[Wikipedia:Tomás de Torquemada|Tomás de Torquemada]]: Leader of the Spanish Inquisition. Written under the name "Thomas Torquemada".
*[[Wikipedia:Kareem Saïd|Kareem Saïd]]: Yet another character from ''Oz''. Written under the name "Kareem Siad".

'''[[Mailbag 43]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Masaki Sumitani|Masaki Sumitani]]: Japanese comedian and actor. Most famous for his character [[Homos|Hard Gay]].
*[[Wikipedia:List of recurring Monty Python's Flying Circus characters|Ken Shabby]]: Recurring character from [[Monty Python]]'s Flying Circus.
*[[Wikipedia:R. Dorothy Wayneright|R. Dorothy Wayneright]]: Android girl from the anime series ''Big O''.
*[[Wikipedia:G.K. Chesterton|G.K. Chesterton]]: English Catholic apologist and author.

'''[[Mailbag 44]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Max Cady|Max Cady]]:Character from the novel ''The Executioners'', adapted for the movies as ''Cape Fear''.
*[[Wikipedia:Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy|Trevor McFur]]: Furry from ''Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy'', a launch game for the Atari Jaguar game console.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Randam Hajile]].

'''[[Mailbag 45]]'''
*[[Duck|Mike Hawke]]: Dick joke commonly used in prank calls.
*Another appearance from [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]], whose life is rapidly deteriorating.
*[[Wikipedia:Manfred Eicher|Manfred Eicher]]: German record producer.
*[[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]]: Actor, most famously known for playing Buck Rogers.
*[[Wikipedia:Adam Savage|Adam Savage]]: Co-host of ''Mythbusters''. Chris likely noticed, as the e-mail made a big deal out of him being from Mythbusters, and then sent him a picture of a man's asshole.

'''[[Mailbag 46]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Kevin Peter Hall|Kevin Peter Hall]]: Actor, the man in the alien suit in the first two ''Predator'' films.
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Green|Tom Green]]: Either a terrible comedian or an avant-garde genius, depending on whom you ask.

'''[[Mailbag 47]]'''
*While not a direct reference, one e-mail address referenced "[[Wikipedia:Rocket to Russia|Teenage Lobotomy]]" a song by [[Wikipedia:The Ramones|The Ramones]].
*[[Wikipedia:Valentina Tereshkova|Valentina Tereshkova]]: Russian astronaut and the first woman in space.
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Vilsack|Tom Vilsack]]: Current U.S. Secretary of Agriculture.

'''[[Mailbag 48]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Jeff_Gerstmann|Jeff Gerstmann]]: Video game journalist, notorious for his firing from GameSpot.
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] returns, all bummed out that Chris broke his promise.
*[[Wikipedia:The Proposition|Morris Stanley]]: Ray Winstone's character in the [[PandaHalo|Aussie]] Western film ''The Proposition''. Unlike in the film, the proposition made in the email revolved around Chris's petty rivalry with ''[[Asperchu]]'', since Chris would have little interest in saving [[Cole Smithey|his brother]] from being hanged.
*[[Wikipedia:Billy Herrington|Billy Herrington]]: Bisexual porn star, the inspiration for many strange memes among Japanese nerds. His e-mail handle, "Bro Aniki," is a reference to the [[Wikipedia: Cho Aniki|Cho Aniki]] video game series, which is rife with homosexual innuendo.

'''[[Mailbag 49]]'''
*One letter combined the names of [[Wikipedia:Bart Simpson|Bart Simpson]] of The Simpsons and [[Wikipedia:Brock Samson|Brock Samson]] of the Venture Brothers. Probably the second time Chris [[Father Call|failed to recognize Brock]].
*[[Wikipedia:Fist of the Blue Sky|Kenshiro Kasumi]]: Main character of the manga series ''Fist of the Blue Sky''.

'''[[Mailbag 50]]'''
*Nothing. No actual e-mails either, because Chris copypasta'd a bunch of sarcastic forum posts that pretended to kiss his ass and took them all at face value.

'''[[Mailbag 51]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]].
*[[Wikipedia:The Notorious B.I.G.|The Notorious B.I.G.]]: Deceased rapper, written under his nickname "Biggie".
*[[Wikipedia:Scott Bernard|Scott Bernard]]: Character from the cartoon series ''Robotech''.
*While it did not refer to any single character, one name and e-mail address was a direct reference to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZZUMjoxfZA mahvel baybee].

'''[[Mailbag 52]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Lisa Marie Presley|Lisa Marie Presley]]: As "Marie Jackson" revealing the tragic ending of the [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] saga. In a bizarre inversion, Chris assumes the letter is about the real Michael Jackson, and ignores it.

'''[[Mailbag 53]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Christopher Doyle|Chris Doyle]]: Award-winning Australian cinematographer.
*[[Wikipedia:Jack Marsh|Jack Marsh]]: Renowned Australian cricketer.
*[[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]]: Star of an old YouTube meme.
*[[Wikipedia:Robert_William_Fisher|Robert Fisher]]: Possibly referring to the FBI most-wanted fugitive who murdered his family in 2001.
*[[Wikipedia:Frank Burns|Frank Burns]]: A character from the movie and TV series ''M*A*S*H''.

'''[[Mailbag 54]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:David_Wright_(baseball)|David Wright]]: New York Mets All-Star third baseman.
*[[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]]: Hero of the novel and film ''I Am Legend''. Has been played by Charlton Heston, Vincent Price, and Will Smith.
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Steele|Michael Steele]]: Chairman of the Republican National Committee (openly identified as such).
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Neon Genesis Evangelion|Gendo Ikari]], now using the e-mail handle "It's Gendo" (in reference to a fan-parody video).

'''[[Mailbag 55]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Anna Malle|Anna Malle]]: Deceased pornographic film actress.
*[[Wikipedia:Dale_Gribble#Rusty_Shackleford|Rusty Shackleford]]: Alias used by the character Dale Gribble from the TV cartoon ''King of the Hill''.
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Aznavour|Charles Aznavour]]: French singer and songwriter, namesake of the anime character Char Aznable.
*[[Wikipedia:Harry Patridge|Harry Partridge]]: Beloved internet animator. The thing is, it's probably the real Harry.
*[[Wikipedia:John Shaft|John Shaft]]: Hero of several 1970s blaxploitation movies.
*Repeat appearances by [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]] and [[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]]. Leeland (Tran's best friend) also sends an email.

'''[[Mailbag 56]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Mystery_Science_Theater_3000|Crow Servo]]: Amalgam of the characters Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo from the TV series ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''.
*Another e-mail in the [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] saga, this time allegedly from his son.
*Repeat appearances by [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]] and [[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]].

'''[[Mailbag 57]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Fyodor Dostoyevsky]]: Russian novelist.
*[[Wikipedia:Planeteer|Ma-Ti]]: Character from '90s TV cartoon ''Captain Planet and the Planeteers''.

'''[[Mailbag 58]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Reimu Hakurei|Reimu Hakurei]]: One of the main characters from the [[Wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]] series of games. The e-mail handle 'diochromatic.butterfly' is a reference to one of her theme songs.
*[[Wikipedia:Takato Matsuda|Takato Matsuda]]: One of the main characters from [[Wikipedia:Digimon Tamers|Digimon Tamers]], known in America as Digimon Season 3.
*[[Wikipedia:Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser Wilhelm]]: Leader of Germany until its defeat in World War I.
*[[Wikipedia:Sam_the_eagle|Sam Eagle]]: A recurring character from ''The Muppet Show''.
*[[Wikipedia:Frank_Miller_(comics)|Frank Miller]]: American comic artist, creator of ''Sin City''.
*[[Wikipedia:List_of_recurring_Metal_Gear_characters#Hal_Emmerich|Hal Emmerich]]: Hacker/researcher from the [[Metal Gear Solid]] series of videogames. The e-mail address refers to "Konota" [''sic''] from [[Wikipedia:Lucky Star (manga)|Lucky Star]].
*[[Wikipedia:David Hubbard|David Hubbard]]: Long-deceased senator from Alabama.

'''[[Mailbag 59]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Paul Hogan|Paul Hogan]]: Australian actor, star of the ''Crocodile Dundee'' films.

'''[[Mailbag 60]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Terry Bogard|Terry Bogard]]: Hero of the ''Fatal Fury'' video games, who writes using his full name Terrence Bogard. Perhaps coincidentally, another correspondent the the same mailbag uses the nickname "Big Bear," which was also the name of a minor character from ''Fatal Fury 2''.
[[Category:Fan]]

Trolls

2011-04-12T20:03:07Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{quote|...dang dirty trolls!|[[Chris]], [[Cwcville.com]] (since deleted).}}
{{quote|What a world we live in, with such trolls in it.|[[Blake]], in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].}}

[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Faceless Trolls.png|thumb|120px|The Furies]]
[[Image:Ff7troll.png|thumb|300px|Now for the [[Hex Box]].]]

'''Trolls''' (numbered about six billion strong) are the various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the [[Internet]]'s most beloved and most hated [[autistic]] manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites to making him take [[Nudes|nude pics]] and more.

==Pre-ED==
It is notable that Chris was trolled IRL before his discovery by [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] and [[ED]]. It can be argued that the first known trolling of Chris occurred when his life-long-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, [[Sarah Hammer]], locked him under the house when they were children. The next notable trolling occurred during the infamous mini-date with [[Hanna]] in [[2005]] which smashed his [[heart level]] to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through [[MySpace]] named [[Lindsay Kaye]]. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as [[2003]], when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of [[PVCC]] (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] hijinks.

But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....

== The Few, the Proud, the Elite ==

===Asperpedia Four===
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of ''[[Asperchu]]''), Evan (the creator of ''Simonchu'', and therefore [[Simonla]]), Sean August Watley ( the creator of ''Moon-Pals''), and Mao (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).

[[Image:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|left|80px|thumb|BILLY]]

=== [[BILLY MAYS]] ===
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of [[CWCville]] by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]]. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely [[Chris and death|death]].

=== [[Blanca Weiss]] ===
[[Image:Blanka.jpg|80px|thumb|Blanca's true identity.]]

"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofqcc7VOn1k videos] featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.

Not to be confused with [[Trolls#Lordsillynipples|LordSillyNipples]], who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.

=== [[BlueSpike]] ===
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's [[sweetheart]] "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself|hour-long audio recording]] in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion in his ass.

[[Image:BryanBash.jpg|thumb|left|80px|Bryan Bash (right) with your sister (left).]]

=== Bryan Bash ===
Bryan Bash is a close friend of the <s>late</s> great [[Clyde Cash]]. He is the one who [[Hooker incident|sent hookers over to Chris's house]], as well as the person who called during the infamous [[Bob Walks In|"Bob Walks In"]] audio file, and is responsible for leaking [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|an image]] of Chris having sex with the members of his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' band (including a [[niggo]]). Additionally, he leaked the [[Father Call]] and the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]] to [[/cwc/]] on 11 November, [[2009]], and he has also leaked conversations between [[Chris]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]].

=== [[Clyde Cash]] ===
[[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|80px|Clyde Cash]]
The nefarious [[Clyde Cash]] is the most infamous and legendary of trolls. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of trolls. He posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], raped Chris's beloved [[PandaHalo]], and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial.

=== [[Emily]] ===
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew in the Pickle Suit]].

=== [[Jack Thaddeus]] ===
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings and also for the [[CWCipedia]] ads.

=== The Jew in the Pickle Suit ===
An IRL pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.

[[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|thumb|80px|The REAL Chris]]

=== [[Liquid Chris]] ===
A [[YouTube]] troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.

=== Lordsillynipples ===
A troll from [[ED]] who was responsible for impersonating [[Blanca]] and being the first to obtain the now [[Pickles|infamous Chris-chan Noodz]] on 11 September 2008, along with [[Chris's DVD]]. She is also responsible for creating the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of [[Clyde]].

=== [[Robert Simmons V]] ===
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with [[Church audio|visiting Chris's church]] and meeting [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], he also had a hand in organizing the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily date]].

=== [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] ===
An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on [[Surfshack Tito|two]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|separate]] occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with [[The Wallflower]]. Recently, he has been involved in the destruction of Chris' beloved [[PS3]].

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|80px|Vivian]]

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
The creator of the ''Sonichu'' [[audiobooks]] and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a [[Vivian Gee E-mails|hopeless, thick-skulled moron]].

==Devil Trolls==
[[Image:DevilTroll.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:ModNation TrollFemale.jpg|thumb|Featured in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.]]
Aside from the several notable figures above, the '''Devil Trolls''' are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and make their first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such [[stress]] over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.

The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "[[IBAChandler]]" after Sonichu defeats him in ''Sonichu'' #9. They make their full appearance in ''Sonichu'' #10, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble those old Troll toys, minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.

== Motivations ==

===Chris's perspective===
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a [[Mailbag]] correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:

{{quote|"Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of [[Sonichu]] first, or that I am more [[Chris and art|Artistically Talented]] than they are."|[[Chris]], [[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]}}

This is consistent with the advice given many children who are IRL trolled in school: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris [[Count Graduon|never moved past]] [[Manchester High School|high school]] mentally, he still believes he is hated because he is so much better than everyone else.

From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then [[Jack|a troll]] saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. [[Silvana]], a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be [[Meg Griffin]], kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.

Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag&oldid=3208|a message he wrote] in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added [[Twitter]] and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|CWCipedia article on The Wallflower]], Chris has also decided that the trolls are also [[niggos|black]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a ''crime'', and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that ''all'' trolling is equal to what he had been done to him. A [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|recent video]] actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet [[Chris and hypocrisy|mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number]].

===His parents' perspective===
The [[Matthew Noble call]] in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), and ''[[Megan Schroeder]]'', who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob is convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.

It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there ''is'' a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in myriad ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by crank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having [[Kacey and Liquid Call|angry screaming matches]] with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet [[Julie|a woman who didn't exist]], and so on.

Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.

==See also==
* [[4-cent garbage.com]]
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
* [[PVCC (Message Board)|PVCC]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin']]
* [[White Knight]]

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Chris and copyright

2011-04-12T14:57:51Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:SonichuCertificate.jpg|thumb|Chris's copyright registration certificate]]
{{Quote|...anyone using my characters and all Without My Consent are Criminals, and such people should be reported to the [[Jerkops|Police]] immediately.|[[Chris]]|[[CWCipedia]]'s Copyright page}}

Like with many things, [[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a very obscure idea of what '''copyright''' entails, let alone its legal ramifications in [[US]] law. He believes that all copyrighting something involves is "[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|<nowiki>[putting]</nowiki> a little C-In-A-Circle and <nowiki>[his]</nowiki> John Hancock]]".

Chris doesn't even know what a copyright ''is,'' legally speaking. He can't ''copyright'' [[Sonichu]], but he could [[Wikipedia:United States trademark law|'''trademark''']] Sonichu. He could copyright individual works using Sonichu. Too bad he doesn't know anything about anything.

== Sonichu as a copyrightable work ==
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Crooks!]]
In Chris's mind, it's perfectly reasonable to take two very popular fictitious characters and mash them both together in a [[Fail|failtastic]] [[rainbow]] of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|incestuous]] [[Sonichu|electric]] [[Rosechu|rodents]]. This means you've created a completely new thing, and therefore are entitled to the rights of said "Original Characters" regardless of how crappy, ''un''original and disgusting they may be.

Here in real life, however, any work that uses ''previously copyrighted work'' as a basis is a derivative work; this means that while it can be copyrighted by the creator, it cannot be published without permission of the original copyright holders. There are very specific exceptions to this rule. One way to avoid this is to simply not use too much of the previous work's material to begin with: complete works or significant portions of them are copyrightable, but you ''can'' steal general vague ideas as much as you want (though Chris is stealing way too much to qualify for this). Another would be Fair Use: use the copyrighted work to provide criticism, journalistic or educational information, or parody (of which more later). In short, Chris has no excuse.

Moreover, any attempt to argue that Sonichu is not a derivative work would be entirely self-demolishing. Sonichu is ''explicitly'' stated to be a fusion of two existing characters, both by Chris as its creator and in the comic story itself. Chris has worked the fact that the two original characters were merged into Sonichu's backstory and the Sonichuverse in general. His process of incorporating copyrighted properties into his works is both ''unabashed'' and ''deep-rooted''. He ''can't'' talk his way out of this.

Apparently, the idea of ''Sonichu'' being a publishable work stems way back into the character's creation. According to [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Chris's]] [[Sonichu (character)|"autobiography"]], when Chris ended up backed into a corner as to what to put onto a CD cover, he decided to fuse [[Sonic]] and [[Pikachu]], whom he couldn't use because they were copyrighted characters, and turn them into Sonichu. When his teacher accepted the hybrid character, Chris automatically assumed that he was free to create his multimedia empire from them. In the [[Father Call|call with Kacey's father]], he also says the teacher told him he had been in the clear with the beginning as far as copyright is concerned. The teacher was, we can assume, simply referring to the character's visual design, which - though blatantly derivative - might have been legally permissable were it not for Sonichu's name and the backstory issues described above.

So let's remember that Chris is so [[naïve]] that he would treat the advice of his high school teacher as if it were the law of the land.
{{clear}}

== Chris as an enforcer of rights ==
[[Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|thumb|right|[[The Creepy Stare|Don't look right into their eyes.]]]]
Chris is very paranoid regarding his copyright, and will frequently [[CWC Public Disclaimer|hand out all of his personal information to complete strangers]] if he thinks it is being contested. This has backfired in a plethora of astounding ways.

Chris has encouraged people to report copyright infringements to the [[jerkops|police]]. The police, unfortunately, can't do much when random citizens report ''civil offenses'' such as copyright infringement. Even if Chris ''had'' the rights to the works in question, suing people for copyright infringement would be Chris's job and his job alone, or that of a representative whom he has specifically appointed to that specific task.

Unsurprisingly, Chris is a [[Chris and hypocrisy|total and complete hypocrite]] when it comes to abusing the work of other creators. In the span of ten issues, Chris pulls characters and concepts from numerous franchises and even goes so far as to steal "original" characters from [[trolls|fans]] and [[sweethearts]] without an ounce of due respect to their creators. He's even had the balls to take [[Asperchu|another creator's characters]], [[Mitch Sonichu|alter them]] and demand that henceforth they be portrayed the way ''he'' has made them in the original material. It's easy to say that, if Chris were to make money off Sonichu ''somehow'', he could easily be sued by those who created the characters he stole. Despite how firmly Chris holds on to his views of copyright, when directly challenged on why it's okay for him to rip things off but not for other people to do the same to Sonichu, he's unable to think of a response.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]</ref>

Even worse, Chris refuses to listen to anyone, especially the original creators of his "original" characters, when they know Chris has done wrong. The best example would be the fight between [[Evan]] and Chris over the character [[Simonla]]. When Evan demanded that Chris remove Simonla from the comics in an on-screen death, Chris refused because ''it would take Wild Sonichu's girlfriend away''. That's right: Chris refuses to remove a character because of a meaningless throw-away relationship between minor fictional characters. As time went on, Chris has fought tooth and nail to keep Simonla in, going so far as to write out a scenario where Simonchu appears in [[CWCVille]], tries to bring Simonla back, only to be beaten back by Wild and forces Simonchu to return and tell Evan Simonla likes it there, proclaiming it's his "Great Director Chandler" powers that lets him do it. In the end, it took two shut downs of the CWCipedia for Chris to finally surrender and kill off Simonla.

===Licensing and terms of use===

The MediaWiki software used on [[CWCipedia]] has various built-in settings for content licensing. This is reflected in HTML metadata, license logo on the bottom of the page, and the copyright note is also displayed in MediaWiki's edit screen. During installation, MediaWiki defaults to GNU Free Documentation License, which states that the content can be reused elsewhere for any purpose, as long as proper copyright holder attribution and license references are given.

On 6 [[September 2009]], a [[troll|fan]] wrote to Chris and thanked him for allowing this reuse, which provoked an uncharacteristically swift response from Chris, demanding WikiSysop not-so-politely to remove the obviously erroneous "GDU FDL" license.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The License on the bottom of my Cwcipedia (WS)|Chris's message to WikiSysop]]</ref>

This prompted Chris to write his own [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights Copyrights] and [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Terms_of_use Terms of use] pages. GNU FDL and Creative Commons licenses, which projects like Wikipedia use, have been written by real copyright lawyers and have been used for successful defenses against copyright violators. Chris's important legal pages instead focus on promulgation of his not-so-menacing drawings.

The legal problems caused by Chris's terms are detailed elsewhere in this article. The Terms of Use are even weirder:

* Chris forcefully asserts that re-submitted sick fanart will magically not reach him, because it cannot even be sent because it is clearly not "allowed": ''"Any and All Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive works will be Immediately Deleted and NOT be uploaded, or seen ever again; NO RESUBMISSIONS ALLOWED of such pieces."''
* Few people knew or noticed that the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] episode caused Chris to plot ghastly atrocities in his odiously packed room: ''ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well."''
* Fan sites should be pre-approved by Chris.
* Sending spam to Sega and Nintendo about making official Sonichu games is apparently part of Terms of Use.

===Copyright registration===
It appears that Chris has actually paid US$45, and somehow got [http://cocatalog.loc.gov/cgi-bin/Pwebrecon.cgi?v1=1&ti=1,1&Search%5FArg=Sonichu&Search%5FCode=TALL&CNT=10&PID=ZvDUHHsi-vkzrRWQU2p5oLpU7yxe&SEQ=20091106120549&SID=1 Sonichu approved by the United States Copyright Office]. On 12 [[November 2009]], he also posted a scan of the confirmation letter he received to [[CWCipedia]] and posted a highly predictable [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|my-Heart-Level-just-went-to-100%-again video]].

Psychologically, this copyright registration represents a big win for Chris, because it gives him what he thinks are bragging rights ''even'' though he has no idea what the copyright registration ''actually'' means. In his confused state, receiving a registration from the US Copyright Office means that he has been right the whole time and now he ''officially'' has all imaginable intellectual property rights regarding his character and creations. In his mind, he now has the right and the power to tell everybody how Sonichu may or may not be used. The most annoying thing about this is that unless Chris actually sues someone or someone sues Chris, we can't make him shut up about it - the state of intellectual property legislation is such that people can make all sorts of weird assertions ("I patented forks and knives ''when used over the Internet''"), and if someone's wrong, that is up for the courts to settle.

Now, here in reality, copyright registration is not an official ''recognition'' of copyright. It is an officially registered ''assertion'' that a person or company has created a specific work at specific date. Every new work automatically has copyright whether it's registered or not. The registration of copyright is only required if you're suing people for copyright infringement. One party asserts that a work has been created at one time, another party has used the work at another time, and then it's up to a judge to decide who is in the right. If Nintendo or Sega sue Chris, they can easily demonstrate that they've held the rights to original characters like Sonic and Pikachu and Chris's work is derivative. More important, Chris does ''not'' have a trademark on Sonichu; he has never had it, and this registration doesn't have anything to do with trademark rights.

We know Chris messed the registration up, but the sad thing is that without complete documentation of exactly what he submitted, we may never know exactly ''how'' badly Chris messed this up. The documentation Chris published doesn't show exactly what he submitted. The application appears to be for "digital files", which is probably to say specific image files, created in [[2000]]. (We'd need actual documents, because Chris will probably say that he has ''official'' copyright on a ''character'' he created in 2000 and babble some more confused nonsense.) It's also possible that he has submitted files that ''weren't'' created in 2000, and he's just insisting that the ''character'' was created at that time. These kinds of distinctions and little details can be extremely important in a court of law.

There's also one more oddity in the registration: the registration is listed as [[wikipedia:Work for hire|work made for hire]], a whole different and more complicated tango that deals with transfers of rights as part of work contracts, typically in situations where workers create works for corporations. If Chris ever goes in court over this, ''someone'' will start asking inconvenient questions on who hired Chris, or whom did Chris hire, to create this work, and what sort of contracts were involved in this alleged transfer of rights. While such contract ''may'' have been made and we've not heard of it, nothing that Chris has said indicates anything otherwise, and it looks that he just checked a wrong box in the application form.

'''IN SHORT:''' Chris's copyright registration doesn't mean his comics are non-infringing.

=== Use of copyright notices ===
The way Chris maintains his so-called copyrights within his works is also baffling. It's possible he goes by the assumption that almost everything he draws must contain copious amounts of copyright notices, usually in the form of this disclaimer, written in large cursive any third-grader would be embarrassed to maintain (pity any poor bank employee who must look at his checks).

{{quote|© Christian Weston Chandler, March 2000-????}}

However, only '''daily''' newspaper comic strips have constant notices reminding about copyright due to their daily nature, and usually these notices are edited out of strip compilation books for basic aesthetic purposes. In most forms of media throughout the world, one copyright notice at the beginning of the work is enough to assert rights, and only the year is noted in a copyright notice. The way his copyrights are written, they are not in the traditional "mouse type" which is unobtrusive to most readers, but in large written letters which distract incredibly from his work.

Finally, the year of the creation of the ''specific'' work in question should be noted in the copyright notice; for example [[Sonichu 10]] should be "''© 2009-2010 CWC''" (abbreviations are allowed in notices). If Chris would want to specifically emphasize that Sonichu ''in general'' has existed since March 2000, he'd need to do so in an additional copyright notice (e.g. "''Sonichu'' Issue #10 © 2009-2010 CWC. ''Sonichu'' character © CWC, March 2000.") Due to this highly confused specification of work creation dates, if a copyright lawyer were hired by Chris in an attempt to maintain his copyrights, it would be questioned and would take considerable time to sort out; not fixing the dates would likely put his whole case in jeopardy if this ever went to court. The Sonichu character itself would have its copyright written as "Sonichu © 2000 - 2010 CWC" as months, ''and fucking question marks'' are not ever included in copyright dates. The series, however, would be written as "''Sonichu'' © 2004 - 2010 CWC".

Chris also obsessively includes copyright symbols in pictures he draws of Sonichu, including a picture he drew in the snow in his [[Holiday Greetings]] video and a doodle he drew on his ticket to the [[2005]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention.

===Chris's motivations===
In any case, Chris doesn't really care so much what his copyright registration means and what it might or might not be good for, practically speaking. To him, it's mainly just a crutch for his ego. In the aftermath of his feud with [[Liquid Chris]], he sees it as the final and clinching proof that he himself is the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu. On 26 [[November 2009]], he posted the following as part of an announcement on [[CWCipedia]], which is quite illuminating:

{{quotebox|Also, I have been thinking, although all Sonichu "Merchandise" sold online in the past I have labeled false; I did that, because it came as a surprise to me then, I felt outraged appropriately (most everyone can relate to that; it's comparable to if [[Wikipedia:Godzilla|Godzilla]] or Clover [the [[Wikipedia:Cloverfield|Cloverfield]] monster] came to YOUR Metropolis and suddenly attacked your city). I realize now that even though it is still considerably Not Official, it all still is an homage to my creation. So I will make it clear to ALL those Vendors.

As long as it is NOT printed copies of my books' pages, or bootlegged copies of my "[[Christian Weston Chandler, Yep, I'm On T.V.]]" DVD, AND As Long As I am quoted on ALL websites' and vendors' locations as Original Creator of Sonichu, Rosechu, Cwcville and all of such, I, Christian Weston Chandler, approve of such merchandise from Day Forward. At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets[sic] until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, [[GameStop]], [[Best Buy]], [[Wal-Mart]], etcetera and such.

[[Chris and ego|I have spoken]], and I wish everyone a Safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

--ChrisChanSonichu 02:17, 26 November 2009 (CET) }}

Translated from jackass, he's saying that he doesn't actually understand or care about the legal and economic ramifications of other people using his supposed intellectual property, so long as he's the one that gets the credit, not some impostor in brown stripes. Money isn't as important to him as his precious e-fame. This paragraph also shows another example of Chris's [[ego]]; he equates seeing himself being mocked with [[Chris and Death|seeing millions of people being killed by giant monsters]].

==Chris's views==
{{main|Parody}}
Chris is ''very'' protective of his characters. Well, as protective as an autistic manchild could be to such unoriginal monstrosities. Chris believes that his characters are officially "parodies", thus, he is allowed to create his multimedia empire on a legal loophole. What Chris fails to realize that is that parodies are essentially mockeries of something they're based on, done for laughs or as a commentary on the original work. According to the [[Wikipedia:Supreme Court of the United States|US Supreme Court]], parody "is the use of some elements of a prior author's composition to create a new one that, at least in part, comments on that author's works." So if Chris was, say, making commentary on commercialization by making a pastiche of what was popular at the time, it would be fine. The fact that it is parody and not plagiarism must also be made obvious.

Some examples: [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]]'s songs are considered parodies. Note, however, that he obtains permission from artists whose songs he covers, going through the necessary legal process to make his work. Technically, as parodies, he wouldn't need to, but he does so out of good will, as the artist doesn't own the song, but rather the record company does. He also does his own work, including pastiche of artists' styles, and impressively so, with [[Wikipedia:Devo|Devo's]] frontman commenting that Weird Al's [[Transformers|"Dare to Be Stupid"]] encompassed his entire body of works in one gag tune. It's a known fact that Yankovic actually has one of the tightest, most competent legal teams in music to make sure his parodies don't get him in legal trouble down the road. [[Wikipedia:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks']] works are considered parodies, but his most famous parodies either use works from the public domain (such as ''Young Frankenstein,'' based on the novel and done in the ''style of'' classic Frankenstein films) or cover similar plot points without actually lifting characters. In the case of ''Spaceballs'', which closely parodied ''Star Wars'', Brooks actually obtained permission from George Lucas in person, just to avoid even the possibility of trouble. Likewise, the creators of another famous parody, ''Airplane!'', acquired the rights to a film they were very closely parodying so there would be no legal trouble. Works that "parody" scenes by copying them verbatim, like ''Scary Movie'' or [[Family Guy|a certain animated sitcom]], are usually looked down upon for simply relying on [[Random Access Humor|constant references]] in lieu of actually parodying the original work.

Sonichu and Rosechu are ''not'' parodies, just shitty recolors. As mentioned on the "parody" page, Chris doesn't mean to make fun of the characters they're based on, nor make commentary of them. He slavishly imitates the kind of adventures they have in an attempt to tell his own stories. The stories he makes aren't commentaries on the style, message, or story of Sonic or Pokémon; he simply lifts elements and characters wholesale in lieu of creating his own world. Even his most original characters are either based on [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|someone he knows]] or [[Flame the Sunbird|are cribbed extensively from existing characters]]. He might be able to claim a trademark on Flame the Sunbird, of all characters, because he's merely relentlessly derivative as opposed to stolen wholesale. The non-Chris-Chan core of the comics, though, most certainly cannot. If he'd just acknowledge that his stuff was crossover fan fiction, we wouldn't have this problem, but then, Chris would no longer be able to use his comic as an excuse for why he doesn't have a job.

Regardless of how much claim he's ''really'' entitled to, Chris will make a great deal of noise about protecting his work when he feels it is being threatened. Whenever he finds his work being used elsewhere without his permission, he ends up demanding that the offending work be taken down within 14 days or he will pursue legal action, sometimes accompanied by a picture of Chris and Sonichu glaring at the offender as if they can actually ''do'' something. Thus far, there is no evidence of Chris actually pursuing legal action against anyone. Whether the Chandlers even have access to a lawyer is questionable.

With the use of Sonichu, the [[Chaotic Combo]] and Chris himself in the [[Asperchu]] comics, Chris has used a brand new method to get his characters away from others - by [[death threats]].

==Sauce==
<references/>

== See also ==

*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V]]
*[[Jimmy Hill]]
*[[Parody]]
*[[Asperchu]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and copyright

2011-04-12T14:42:40Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:SonichuCertificate.jpg|thumb|Chris's copyright registration certificate]]
{{Quote|...anyone using my characters and all Without My Consent are Criminals, and such people should be reported to the [[Jerkops|Police]] immediately.|[[Chris]]|[[CWCipedia]]'s Copyright page}}

Like with many things, [[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a very obscure idea of what '''copyright''' entails, let alone its legal ramifications in [[US]] law. He believes that all copyrighting something involves is "[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|<nowiki>[putting]</nowiki> a little C-In-A-Circle and <nowiki>[his]</nowiki> John Hancock]]".

Chris doesn't even know what a copyright ''is,'' legally speaking. He can't ''copyright'' [[Sonichu]], but he could [[Wikipedia:United States trademark law|'''trademark''']] Sonichu. He could copyright individual works using Sonichu. Too bad he doesn't know anything about anything.

== Sonichu as a copyrightable work ==
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Crooks!]]
In Chris's mind, it's perfectly reasonable to take two very popular fictitious characters and mash them both together in a [[Fail|failtastic]] [[rainbow]] of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|incestuous]] [[Sonichu|electric]] [[Rosechu|rodents]]. This means you've created a completely new thing, and therefore are entitled to the rights of said "Original Characters" regardless of how crappy, ''un''original and disgusting they may be.

Here in real life, however, any work that uses ''previously copyrighted work'' as a basis is a derivative work; this means that while it can be copyrighted by the creator, it cannot be published without permission of the original copyright holders. There are very specific exceptions to this rule. One way to avoid this is to simply not use too much of the previous work's material to begin with: complete works or significant portions of them are copyrightable, but you ''can'' steal general vague ideas as much as you want (though Chris is stealing way too much to qualify for this). Another would be Fair Use: use the copyrighted work to provide criticism, journalistic or educational information, or parody (of which more later). In short, Chris has no excuse.

Moreover, any attempt to argue that Sonichu is not a derivative work would be entirely self-demolishing. Sonichu is ''explicitly'' stated to be a fusion of two existing characters, both by Chris as its creator and in the comic story itself. Chris has worked the fact that the two original characters were merged into Sonichu's backstory and the Sonichuverse in general. His process of incorporating copyrighted properties into his works is both ''unabashed'' and ''deep-rooted''. He ''can't'' talk his way out of this.

Apparently, the idea of ''Sonichu'' being a publishable work stems way back into the character's creation. According to [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Chris's]] [[Sonichu (character)|"autobiography"]], when Chris ended up backed into a corner as to what to put onto a CD cover, he decided to fuse [[Sonic]] and [[Pikachu]], whom he couldn't use because they were copyrighted characters, and turn them into Sonichu. When his teacher accepted the hybrid character, Chris automatically assumed that he was free to create his multimedia empire from them. In the [[Father Call|call with Kacey's father]], he also says the teacher told him he had been in the clear with the beginning as far as copyright is concerned. The teacher was, we can assume, simply referring to the character's visual design, which - though relentlessly derivative - might have been legally permissable were it not for Sonichu's name and the backstory issues described above.

So let's remember that Chris is so [[naïve]] that he would treat the advice of his high school teacher as if it were the law of the land.
{{clear}}

== Chris as an enforcer of rights ==
[[Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|thumb|right|[[The Creepy Stare|Don't look right into their eyes.]]]]
Chris is very paranoid regarding his copyright, and will frequently [[CWC Public Disclaimer|hand out all of his personal information to complete strangers]] if he thinks it is being contested. This has backfired in a plethora of astounding ways.

Chris has encouraged people to report copyright infringements to the [[jerkops|police]]. The police, unfortunately, can't do much when random citizens report ''civil offenses'' such as copyright infringement. Even if Chris ''had'' the rights to the works in question, suing people for copyright infringement would be Chris's job and his job alone, or that of a representative whom he has specifically appointed to that specific task.

Unsurprisingly, Chris is a [[Chris and hypocrisy|total and complete hypocrite]] when it comes to abusing the work of other creators. In the span of ten issues, Chris pulls characters and concepts from numerous franchises and even goes so far as to steal "original" characters from [[trolls|fans]] and [[sweethearts]] without an ounce of due respect to their creators. He's even had the balls to take [[Asperchu|another creator's characters]], [[Mitch Sonichu|alter them]] and demand that they be portrayed the way ''he'' has made them. It's easy to say that, if Chris were to make money off Sonichu ''somehow'', he could easily be sued by those who created the characters he stole. Despite how firmly Chris holds on to his views of copyright, when directly challenged on why it's okay for him to rip things off but not for other people to do the same to Sonichu, he's unable to think of a response.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]</ref>

Even worse, Chris refuses to listen to anyone, especially the original creators of his "original" characters, when they know Chris has done wrong. The best example would be the fight between [[Evan]] and Chris over the character [[Simonla]]. When Evan demanded that Chris remove Simonla from the comics in an on-screen death, Chris refused because ''it would take Wild Sonichu's girlfriend away''. That's right: Chris refuses to remove a character because of a meaningless throw-away relationship between minor fictional characters. As time went on, Chris has fought tooth and nail to keep Simonla in, going so far as to write out a scenario where Simonchu appears in [[CWCVille]], tries to bring Simonla back, only to be beaten back by Wild and forces Simonchu to return and tell Evan Simonla likes it there, proclaiming it's his "Great Director Chandler" powers that lets him do it. In the end, it took two shut downs of the CWCipedia for Chris to finally surrender and kill off Simonla.

===Licensing and terms of use===

The MediaWiki software used on [[CWCipedia]] has various built-in settings for content licensing. This is reflected in HTML metadata, license logo on the bottom of the page, and the copyright note is also displayed in MediaWiki's edit screen. During installation, MediaWiki defaults to GNU Free Documentation License, which states that the content can be reused elsewhere for any purpose, as long as proper copyright holder attribution and license references are given.

On 6 [[September 2009]], a [[troll|fan]] wrote to Chris and thanked him for allowing this reuse, which provoked an uncharacteristically swift response from Chris, demanding WikiSysop not-so-politely to remove the obviously erroneous "GDU FDL" license.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The License on the bottom of my Cwcipedia (WS)|Chris's message to WikiSysop]]</ref>

This prompted Chris to write his own [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights Copyrights] and [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Terms_of_use Terms of use] pages. GNU FDL and Creative Commons licenses, which projects like Wikipedia use, have been written by real copyright lawyers and have been used for successful defenses against copyright violators. Chris's important legal pages instead focus on promulgation of his not-so-menacing drawings.

The legal problems caused by Chris's terms are detailed elsewhere in this article. The Terms of Use are even weirder:

* Chris forcefully asserts that re-submitted sick fanart will magically not reach him, because it cannot even be sent because is clearly not "allowed": ''"Any and All Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive works will be Immediately Deleted and NOT be uploaded, or seen ever again; NO RESUBMISSIONS ALLOWED of such pieces."''
* Few people knew or noticed that the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] episode caused Chris to plot ghastly atrocities in his odiously packed room: ''ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well."''
* Chris will monitor the [[Internet]] for things he doesn't like. He will give you fourteen days to remove nasty things until he sues you.
** "Christian" and "Christopher" are protected terms which Chris will defend with honor against all misuses. Fear not, followers of [[Jesus]] and fans of Columbus! The father of Sonichu will also fight for ''you!''
* Fan sites should be pre-approved by Chris.
* Sending spam to Sega and Nintendo about making official Sonichu games is apparently part of Terms of Use.

===Copyright registration===
It appears that Chris has actually paid US$45, and somehow got [http://cocatalog.loc.gov/cgi-bin/Pwebrecon.cgi?v1=1&ti=1,1&Search%5FArg=Sonichu&Search%5FCode=TALL&CNT=10&PID=ZvDUHHsi-vkzrRWQU2p5oLpU7yxe&SEQ=20091106120549&SID=1 Sonichu approved by the United States Copyright Office]. On 12 [[November 2009]], he also posted a scan of the confirmation letter he received to [[CWCipedia]] and posted a highly predictable [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|my-Heart-Level-just-went-to-100%-again video]].

Psychologically, this copyright registration represents a big win for Chris, because it gives him what he thinks are bragging rights ''even'' though he has no idea what the copyright registration ''actually'' means. In his confused state, receiving a registration from the US Copyright Office means that he has been right the whole time and now he ''officially'' has all imaginable intellectual property rights regarding his character and creations. In his mind, he now has the right and the power to tell everybody how Sonichu may or may not be used. The most annoying thing about this is that unless Chris actually sues someone or someone sues Chris, we can't make him shut up about it - the state of intellectual property legislation is such that people can make all sorts of weird assertions ("I patented forks and knives ''when used over the Internet''"), and if someone's wrong, that is up for the courts to settle.

Now, here in reality, copyright registration is not an official ''recognition'' of copyright. It is an officially registered ''assertion'' that a person or company has created a specific work at specific date. Every new work automatically has copyright whether it's registered or not. The registration of copyright is only required if you're suing people for copyright infringement. One party asserts that a work has been created at one time, another party has used the work at another time, and then it's up to a judge to decide who is in the right. If Nintendo or Sega sue Chris, they can easily demonstrate that they've held the rights to original characters like Sonic and Pikachu and Chris's work is derivative. More important, Chris does ''not'' have a trademark on Sonichu; he has never had it, and this registration doesn't have anything to do with trademark rights.

We know Chris messed the registration up, but the sad thing is that without complete documentation of exactly what he submitted, we may never know exactly ''how'' badly Chris messed this up. The documentation Chris published doesn't show exactly what he submitted. The application appears to be for "digital files", which is probably to say specific image files, created in [[2000]]. (We'd need actual documents, because Chris will probably say that he has ''official'' copyright on a ''character'' he created in 2000 and babble some more confused nonsense.) It's also possible that he has submitted files that ''weren't'' created in 2000, and he's just insisting that the ''character'' was created at that time. These kinds of distinctions and little details can be extremely important in a court of law.

There's also one more oddity in the registration: the registration is listed as [[wikipedia:Work for hire|work made for hire]], a whole different and more complicated tango that deals with transfers of rights as part of work contracts, typically in situations where workers create works for corporations. If Chris ever goes in court over this, ''someone'' will start asking inconvenient questions on who hired Chris, or whom did Chris hire, to create this work, and what sort of contracts were involved in this alleged transfer of rights. While such contract ''may'' have been made and we've not heard of it, nothing that Chris has said indicates anything otherwise, and it looks that he just checked a wrong box in the application form.

'''IN SHORT:''' Chris's copyright registration doesn't mean his comics are non-infringing.

=== Use of copyright notices ===
The way Chris maintains his so-called copyrights within his works is also baffling. It's possible he goes by the assumption that almost everything he draws must contain copious amounts of copyright notices, usually in the form of this disclaimer, written in large cursive any third-grader would be embarrassed to maintain (pity any poor bank employee who must look at his checks).

{{quote|© Christian Weston Chandler, March 2000-????}}

However, only '''daily''' newspaper comic strips have constant notices reminding about copyright due to their daily nature, and usually these notices are edited out of strip compilation books for basic aesthetic purposes. In most forms of media throughout the world, one copyright notice at the beginning of the work is enough to assert rights, and only the year is noted in a copyright notice. The way his copyrights are written, they are not in the traditional "mouse type" which is unobtrusive to most readers, but in large written letters which distract incredibly from his work.

Finally, the year of the creation of the ''specific'' work in question should be noted in the copyright notice; for example [[Sonichu 10]] should be "''© 2009-2010 CWC''" (abbreviations are allowed in notices). If Chris would want to specifically emphasize that Sonichu ''in general'' has existed since March 2000, he'd need to do so in an additional copyright notice (e.g. "''Sonichu'' Issue #10 © 2009-2010 CWC. ''Sonichu'' character © CWC, March 2000.") Due to this highly confused specification of work creation dates, if a copyright lawyer were hired by Chris in an attempt to maintain his copyrights, it would be questioned and would take considerable time to sort out; not fixing the dates would likely put his whole case in jeopardy if this ever went to court. The Sonichu character itself would have its copyright written as "Sonichu © 2000 - 2010 CWC" as months, ''and fucking question marks'' are not ever included in copyright dates. The series, however, would be written as "''Sonichu'' © 2004 - 2010 CWC".

Chris also obsessively includes copyright symbols in pictures he draws of Sonichu, including a picture he drew in the snow in his [[Holiday Greetings]] video and a doodle he drew on his ticket to the [[2005]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention.

===Chris's motivations===
In any case, Chris doesn't really care so much what his copyright registration means and what it might or might not be good for, practically speaking. To him, it's mainly just a crutch for his ego. In the aftermath of his feud with [[Liquid Chris]], he sees it as the final and clinching proof that he himself is the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu. On 26 [[November 2009]], he posted the following as part of an announcement on [[CWCipedia]], which is quite illuminating:

{{quotebox|Also, I have been thinking, although all Sonichu "Merchandise" sold online in the past I have labeled false; I did that, because it came as a surprise to me then, I felt outraged appropriately (most everyone can relate to that; it's comparable to if [[Wikipedia:Godzilla|Godzilla]] or Clover [the [[Wikipedia:Cloverfield|Cloverfield]] monster] came to YOUR Metropolis and suddenly attacked your city). I realize now that even though it is still considerably Not Official, it all still is an homage to my creation. So I will make it clear to ALL those Vendors.

As long as it is NOT printed copies of my books' pages, or bootlegged copies of my "[[Christian Weston Chandler, Yep, I'm On T.V.]]" DVD, AND As Long As I am quoted on ALL websites' and vendors' locations as Original Creator of Sonichu, Rosechu, Cwcville and all of such, I, Christian Weston Chandler, approve of such merchandise from Day Forward. At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets[sic] until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, [[GameStop]], [[Best Buy]], [[Wal-Mart]], etcetera and such.

[[Chris and ego|I have spoken]], and I wish everyone a Safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

--ChrisChanSonichu 02:17, 26 November 2009 (CET) }}

Translated from jackass, he's saying that he doesn't actually understand or care about the legal and economic ramifications of other people using his supposed intellectual property, so long as he's the one that gets the credit, not some impostor in brown stripes. Money isn't as important to him as his precious e-fame. This paragraph also shows another example of Chris's [[ego]]; he equates seeing himself being mocked with [[Chris and Death|seeing millions of people being killed by giant monsters]].

==Chris's views==
{{main|Parody}}
Chris is ''very'' protective of his characters. Well, as protective as an autistic manchild could be to such unoriginal monstrosities. Chris believes that his characters are officially "parodies", thus, he is allowed to create his multimedia empire on a legal loophole. What Chris fails to realize that is that parodies are essentially mockeries of something they're based on, done for laughs or as a commentary on the original work. According to the [[Wikipedia:Supreme Court of the United States|US Supreme Court]], parody "is the use of some elements of a prior author's composition to create a new one that, at least in part, comments on that author's works." So unless Chris was, say, making commentary on commercialization by making a pastiche of what was popular at the time, it would be fine. The fact that it is parody and not plagiarism must also be made obvious.

Some examples: [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]]'s songs are considered parodies. Note, however, that he obtains permission from artists whose songs he covers, going through the necessary legal process to make his work. Technically, as parodies, he wouldn't need to, but he does so out of good will, as the artist doesn't own the song, but rather the record company does. He also does his own work, including pastiche of artists' styles, and impressively so, with [[Wikipedia:Devo|Devo's]] frontman commenting that Weird Al's [[Transformers|"Dare to Be Stupid"]] encompassed his entire body of works in one gag tune. It's a known fact that Yankovic actually has one of the tightest, most competent legal teams in music to make sure his parodies don't get him in legal trouble down the road. [[Wikipedia:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks']] works are considered parodies, but his most famous parodies either use works from the public domain (such as ''Young Frankenstein,'' based on the novel and done in the ''style of'' classic Frankenstein films) or cover similar plot points without actually lifting characters. In the case of ''Spaceballs'', which closely parodied ''Star Wars'', Brooks actually obtained permission from George Lucas in person, just to avoid even the possibility of trouble. Likewise, the creators of another famous parody, ''Airplane!'', acquired the rights to a film they were very closely parodying so there would be no legal trouble. Works that "parody" scenes by copying them verbatim, like ''Scary Movie'' or [[Family Guy|a certain animated sitcom]], are usually looked down upon for simply relying on [[Random Access Humor|constant references]] in lieu of actually parodying the original work.

Sonichu and Rosechu are ''not'' parodies, just shitty recolors. As mentioned on the "parody" page, Chris doesn't mean to make fun of the characters they're based on, nor make commentary of them. He slavishly imitates the kind of adventures they have in an attempt to tell his own stories. The stories he makes aren't commentaries on the style, message, or story of Sonic or Pokémon; he simply lifts elements and characters wholesale in lieu of creating his own world. Even his most original characters are either based on [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|someone he knows]] or [[Flame the Sunbird|are cribbed extensively from existing characters]]. He might be able to claim a trademark on Flame the Sunbird, of all characters, because he's merely relentlessly derivative as opposed to stolen wholesale. The non-Chris-Chan core of the comics, though, most certainly cannot. If he'd just acknowledge that his stuff was crossover fan fiction, we wouldn't have this problem, but then, Chris would no longer be able to use his comic as an excuse for why he doesn't have a job.

Regardless of how much claim he's ''really'' entitled to, Chris will make a great deal of noise about protecting his work when he feels it is being threatened. Whenever he finds his work being used elsewhere without his permission, he ends up demanding that the offending work be taken down within 14 days or he will pursue legal action, sometimes accompanied by a picture of Chris and Sonichu glaring at the offender as if they can actually ''do'' something. Thus far, there is no evidence of Chris actually pursuing legal action against anyone. Whether the Chandlers even have access to a lawyer is questionable.

With the use of Sonichu, the [[Chaotic Combo]] and Chris himself in the [[Asperchu]] comics, Chris has used a brand new method to get his characters away from others - by [[death threats]].

==Sauce==
<references/>

== See also ==

*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V]]
*[[Jimmy Hill]]
*[[Parody]]
*[[Asperchu]]

{{Chris and}}

Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!

2011-03-17T22:37:51Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[File:Chrischanpantsu.jpg|thumb|left|I see London, I see <s>France</s> Greece, I see Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]!]]
[[File:FatBastardChris.jpg|thumb|A model of Chris in his kilt]]

{{quote|Surfshack Tito started this Lingering Heartache Chaos! I will take him down Personally!|Chris, blaming someone's else for [[The Wallflower|his mistakes]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|again]].}}

'''Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!''' was uploaded by Chris early in the morning of 14 [[March 2010]]. Chris is angry with [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]], blaming him for causing a rift between Chris and [[The Wallflower]]. He then proceeds to threaten Tito by showing him his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|underwear]], shouting in such a bad Scottish accent that it's [[Racism|insulting]], and being completely incompetent with a [[Pocket knife|knife]].

It should also be noted that seeing as Chris is annoyed that the personal details of the Wallflower have been leaked to the internet, it would only make sense in his continuing parade of [[fail]] that he should drop her name. ''Twice''. Furthermore, the very next video he released features her '''FREAKING PEN NAME IN THE TITLE''', which is exactly how the trolls identified her in the first place.

It is also worth noting that the Scots, as a people, ''are'' Brits. This video was released shortly before St. Patrick's Day, which does something to explain the Celtic vibe of the video. Unfortunately, this also implies an ignorance of the differences between the Scottish and Irish peoples, of which there are many.

{{-}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dFeGkOvXOj8}}
| Stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy
| Saga = {{Surfshack Tito}} Surfshack Tito
| Shirt = {{TanWideLines}} Tan Wide Lines
| previous = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
| next = [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
}}

{{quote|Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me lassy today.}}

===Transcript===

[''[[Wikipedia:Ireland's Call|Ireland's Call]] is playing on the background.'']

Tito! Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Your- your days are numbered. I have forwarded your admission... to... Heather, and also the awesome gal-pal that we know between us, our [[Chris's Big Night Out II|Scarlet]]. And with great honor and glory, I will take pleasure in [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|beatin' up your ass]]! ...And also... regain th- regain the love... and trust and friendship... of Heather.

Either way, you are going down, Tito, one way- [''Chris does a horrifyingly [[CWC Fighter|high kick]] wherein [[Butt_garments|we can see his underwear quite clearly]].''] Two ways... [''He then fiddles with a knife for a good eight seconds.''] ...or three! [''He puts the knife on a desk off screen.'']

[''Chris begins badly imitating a Scottish accent and standing effeminately with one hand on his hip.''] Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|lassy]] today. [''Chris comes closer to the camera and diverges into an accent somewhere between Scottish and Jamaican.''] I kick yo' ass with me shillelagh! [''He fails to produce a shillelagh.''] [''Chris then holds up his right fist to display his [[high school ring]].''] And mah ring, man!

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]
*[[Surfshack Tito]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Don't Mess With Me]]|nextlink=[["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-14]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-14]]

Wes Iseli

2011-03-17T22:23:49Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:WesIseli2.jpg|thumb|Wes Iseli]]
{{quote|Wes is a magician and regretfully, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah's]] boyfriend. Because of this, Christian is very jealous and dislikes him much.|[[:Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg|Wes Iseli ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}} that probably meant to say "regrettably"
'''Wes Iseli''' (pronounced [wɛs ˈaɪzli])<ref>[[Mumble 4]], around 22 minutes in</ref> [[Emily|briefly dated]] [[Sarah Hammer]], Chris's long-time [[gal-pal]]. Wes is a magician in real life (available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and [[Michael Snyder|bar mitzvahs]]) and is currently married to another woman.

Although [[trolls]] have been trying to contact Wes ever since they found his various online accounts, he hasn't offered any official statements on [[Chris]] or his involvement in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comics]]. Apparently, he doesn't feel the need to talk shit about some guy he barely knew just because he was jealous of Wes's relationship with an ex-girlfriend of his.

==Wes Iseli in the comic==
[[Image:Sonichu05-P12.jpg|right|thumb|Wes-Li Sonichu apparently grows to about 20 feet tall, does an [[Wikipedia:Edward G. Robinson|Edward G. Robinson]] impression, and kidnaps [[Sarah Hammer]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]]]
Wes Iseli (later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] as "'''Walter Grisby'''") is one of the chosen three of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], alongside [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Sarah Hammer]]. Wes learned that he was the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], and must take revenge upon the Cherokee's descendant, Chris. Wes, knowing of Chris' jealousy, accepts. So the two fight, and Wes almost wins until Sarah appears and breaks up with him. He then unites with Chris and Sarah to defeat the [[Wikipedia:Golem|golem]] made by [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

He appears again later to kidnap Sarah via magic at her wedding. Chris then beats Wes up ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' style, and Sarah thanks Chris.

===Fictional character biography===
In [[2003]] Wes Iseli was dating [[Sarah Hammer]], and so he met her "friend," Christian Chandler. Christian was immediately jealous of Wes, and in a development that sure sounds plausible, Wes became equally fixated on Chris, even though Chris had nothing he wanted. As Sarah and Wes's relationship progressed, they drifted away from Christian.

Their paths would cross when [[Sonichu]] discovered the Anchuent Prophecy and Christian used his [[medallion]] to activate the anchuent powers of the Cherokee and Wasabi clans, which would be bestowed on the reincarnations of the Cherokee chief, his queen, and his Wasabi rival. Wes received a vision of what appeared to be a nine-year-old wearing a robe and wizard hat (presumably the Wasabi chief), explaining the powers of the Fireshock Pendant and imploring him to use it to seek revenge on Chris-chan.

[[File:WesIseliAsperchu.jpg|thumb|left|Suffice to say, Wes Iseli was much more badass in ''[[Asperchu]]''.]]

Now possessing the memories of his past life, Wes-Li attacked Christian and Sonichu not only over their own bad blood but that of their past lives—specifically the [[Wasabi]]s' desire to obtain the [[Cherokian crown]]. The two battled in their [[Electric Hedgehog]] forms, and as usual Christian was very nearly defeated until a third party arrived to save him; [[Saramah]] attacked Wes-Li to stop the fight and make peace between them.

Saramah immediately broke up with Wes-Li upon seeing his cruelty toward her friend, which left Wes-Li unmotivated to battle [[Count Graduon]]. However, with some prompting from Chris-Chan he held up his end of the prophecy and Graduon was finally defeated. Wes-Li refused to look his fellow Hedgehogs in the eye as Chris transported them back home from [[CWCville]].

Wes would continue to obsess over Sarah Hammer up to the day of her wedding to [[William Spicer]]. Using his Wes-Li form, he stormed the chapel to abduct Sarah, but Chris-Chan valiantly rescued her with help from [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi]].

Iseli was briefly seen attending the conference of villains following Christian's disappearance into the [[Time Void|time void]].

===Wes-Li Sonichu===
[[File:FlameSnipers.jpg|thumb|right|Wes-li's Flame Sniper (left) compared to Sailor Mars' Flame Sniper (right).]]
Wes-Li Sonichu (pronounced [wɛzlaɪ], "Wez-lie", according to Chris's [[videobooks]], and as "Wesley" according to the [[Audiobooks]]) is the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] form of Wes Iseli when he is transformed by the Fireshock Pendant empowered by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Although the prophecy foretold that Wes-Li, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan]], and [[Saramah Rosechu|Saramah]] would work together to defeat [[Count Graduon]], Wes's spitefulness toward Chris and his bitterness at having been rejected by [[Sarah Hammer]] would lead him to use his powers for evil.

Wes-li's attack is Flame Sniper, where he has a bow and arrow made from fire. The name and attack itself are another rip off from [[Sailor Moon]].

Prior to the retcon, Wes-Li was a passable pun. With the name change, it makes absolutely no sense that a person named "Walter Grisby" would have an alter ego that does not resemble his name in any way - unless one knows the background of this character.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:290-ACWes.jpg
Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg
Image:292-ACWesLi.jpg
Image:293-ACWesLiBck.jpg
Image:294-YuWesLi.jpg|'''Yu-Gi-OH SHIIII!''
Image:295-WesLi.jpg|Flame on, bitch!
Image:296-FireshockPendant.jpg|Fireshock Pendant
Image:140-AJerk.jpg|Chris, ripping himself off.
</gallery>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://partymagic.50megs.com/ Old magic site]
* [http://wesiseli.com/ New magic site]
* [http://www.youtube.com/wesleyiseli YouTube account]
* [http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1205570207 Facebook]

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Iseli, Wes}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2011-02-26T03:54:49Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Chris]] had the great idea to make his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The result was something that would only be moderately impressive if done by an elementary school child in art class. The magazine is showcased by Chris on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]].

The issue doesn't contain much other than (you guessed it) shitty drawings of his shitty ideas for video games. This relic is first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]]. He also includes his craptastic creation [[Bionic]] in this issue of failure. The piece of work reflects on Chris's distorted view of how video game companies would be willing to make video games on obsolete gaming systems and giving up their intellectual property over to another company just to make a fucktard happy. Even though this example of Chris's fail was created over a decade ago, he still flaunts it about as one of his greatest artistic achievements. Sadly, this probably ''was'' one of his greatest artistic achievements.

==Content==
Chris-chan's creative sterility is on full display here. He slavishly imitates a commercial product using the limited tools available to him: he creates fake letters, copied game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycled cheat codes. He even mocks up godawful Sonichu ads. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in ''[[Megan|Megaman]] X'' easier to get to, even though the series in question prides itself on its difficult gameplay.

Even the horrible video game ideas are shamelessly recycled; for instance, ''Sonic 64'' is exactly like ''Super Mario 64'', the Sonic SNES collection is just like ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Megaman X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles enemies from previous ''Megaman'' and ''Megaman X'' games, which is an outstanding satire of Capcom's... fffhahaha just kidding, Chris is even less creative than we thought. Chris claims the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris is also one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''") and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

'''TL;DR:''' Even when given literally unlimited creative control over his little fake ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', Chris can only repeat what he's seen, only mixed up very slightly.

While Sonic "dumping" Sega to be on a [[Nintendo]] console seems eerily prescient, rest assured it's just a huge coincidence nobody back in 1998 would've seen coming true. Still, imagine how CWC must've sperged over Sega shitting itself and dying, consigned to releasing terrible, terrible 3D Sonic games on, among other things, Nintendo consoles. Like the cargo cults of the South Pacific, Chris's homemade ''Nintendo Power'' prediction coming kinda-sorta true likely spurred on his quest to see Sonichu somehow made into a video game and place extra credence in his dreams associated with his [[love quest]]. In fact, during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris occasionally mentions how he had "predicted" things like Sonic games on the Game Boy, or 3D Sonic games, as though his tard musings would somehow impress one of the greatest game makers of all time.

Also, it's worth taking a paragraph to examine the ''Sonic Start'' segment, a fine display of Chris's [[Chris and his ego|masturbatory narcissism]] and sense of entitlement. The fictional NP writer praises Chris's "creativity" (which, as has been established above, is nonexistent) and exalts his determination to see his dreams come true. This determination is immediately rendered moot, when the heads of Nintendo and SEGA fall over themselves to make his dream come true, and he ends up doing none of the work himself. In his fantasy, he is given the world on a silver platter as reward for his astounding creativity and determination, without ever actually using either.

[[Chris and art|Plus, all his drawings stink.]]

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Text==

On 24 March 2009, [[PandaHalo]] released the [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. Among its contents was this hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Presented here are the full contents of that magazine. All spelling errors and the like are Chris’s own.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|Sonic the Hedgehog tries to dump the shitty magazine, but he's trapped in a net made of Chris's pubes.]]

===Cover===

CHRISTIAN CHANDLER

'''NINTENDO POWER'''

[Drawing: Sonic jumps from a (badly drawn) Sega Genesis to a (badly drawn) Nintendo 64.]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS Nintendo!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left|After being given a [[Chris and copyright|Simpsons-esque mouth]] and witnessing Chrissy's horrors, Sonic's floating disembodied head gouged one of its eyes out in disgust.]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. Sonic Tails, his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.]

[Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D "Over the Shoulder" view of Sonic on a green background.]

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb|The special features are almost non-existent, as Chris is too lazy and too retarded to think of any.]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left|In a haste to make "screenshots", Chris scribbled random colors everywhere using Magic Markers.]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|free copy]] of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb|Screenshot from Chris's new game "Super Smash Bros.: Anorexic Edition".]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.] 
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.] 
[Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.] 
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left|Donkey Kong looks like a [[Patti Chandler|brown dog]], but that's not the last of Chris's poor drawing skills.]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and art|A boy stands next to an obese, handless elf wearing a dress]].]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.] 
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic and Tails desperately try to escape by flying into Super Mario 64...]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, Bionic.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb|...but they were captured by Chris's army of Transformers and now they are doomed to serve Chris, primarily by punching the screen like idiots.]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left|And here are Sonic's... <s>Cellmates</s> <s>[[Homos|Butt Buddies]]</s> friends that help.]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[Drawing: Tails stands in place and stares dead ahead, looking autistic.]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ''Knuckles' Chaotix''-esque ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb|Chris went to the low of cutting these pictures off of a 2-year-old's drawing so he can make his magazine.]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left|Taking into account his [[Simonla|belief in a Toon Town-esque universe where fictional characters' lives and actions are influenced by artists like voo-doo dolls]], Chris drew Robotnik in a way that he'd trip on his own body weight and shape. And having him steal Mario's trousers.]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.] 
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb|The only reason why SNK2 is a Game Boy game is because Chris is trying to justify his artistic incompetence.]]

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic's bad hair day.]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb|Horribly traced from screenshots and boxart.]]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.] 
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.] 
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.] 
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic smiled bravely in the face of that horrible arm-withering disease...]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb|...but tragically, it then spread to his fingers. Might've had an effect on Sonic's usual colour, too.]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses by holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left|The controller is so well designed, even a [[Chris|retard]] can use it with ease.]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb]]

====Optimus Primal====

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Rattrap====

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb|Who would've known that Megatron was actually the bastard child of Barney and the Michelin Man?]]

====Dinobot====

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left|A Sunburnt X fires spoons.]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb|Zero also tried escaping the shitty magazine, but was also captured. He did not know about it, until the last minute.]]

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.] 
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.] 
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.] 
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left|Snake Man's bad hair day.]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

====SNAKE MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb|Wheel Gator's best [[Chris]] Impersonation.]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

====NEON TIGER====

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left|Take Evasive action when Chris confuses [[Pokemon|Heracross]] and Gravity Beetle.]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<strike>o</strike>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left|Q: When is a Penguin not a Penguin? A: When it's a [[Random Access Humor|Ball-point Penguin]].]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb|Ever wondered what [[Patti]] does between when Chris can be bothered to draw her?]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic 2: Nocturnal Edition.]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb|That green snowman with a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spiked turd]] on its head is supposed to be Bowser, who has as we speak, come across the "familiar sight" of a wall.]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.] 
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.] 
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.] 
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.] 
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left|Banjo is attacked by what appears to be a toaster with eyes as he searches for secret codes.]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, Snorlax, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| Nintendo Power
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Supplement==

Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade Nintendo Power magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of the very real and very cool ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''Sonic Gems Collection''.

[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left|Zappin' to the extreme with hastily added letters at the end of the logo! And melting Pikachus!]]

===SONICHU's Adventure===

''Zapping to the Extreme on Gamecube''

{{-}}

[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb|Rosechu impales Sonichu with hearts, <s>[[Niggo]]</s> Blachu sulks at random rocks, Wild throws plants around, Bubbles surfs without a board, Angelica prays, and Punchy...punches crap. If those aren't damn good concepts for a damn good game, we don't know what is.]]

====Single Player Action====

=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Rosechu is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''

=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Blachu is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''

=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Wild is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''

=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Bubbles is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''

=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Angelica is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''

=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Punchy is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and Writing|And of course, Magi-chan Godmods]]. And Perfect Chaos gets demoted from Final Boss to First.]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: Magi-Chan is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be Station Square. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "Thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as Zapdos tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb|The second screenshot here is actually a prediction of the original Sonichu being demoted to extra. But of course with Chris being Chris, it wouldn't be one of his publications [[Chris and his Ego|without him in it somewhere at least twice.]]]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2011-02-26T03:52:36Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Chris]] had the great idea to make his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The result was something that would only be moderately impressive if done by an elementary school child in art class. The magazine is showcased by Chris on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]].

The issue doesn't contain much other than (you guessed it) shitty drawings of his shitty ideas for video games. This relic is first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]]. He also includes his craptastic creation [[Bionic]] in this issue of failure. The piece of work reflects on Chris's distorted view of how video game companies would be willing to make video games on obsolete gaming systems and giving up their intellectual property over to another company just to make a fucktard happy. Even though this example of Chris's fail was created over a decade ago, he still flaunts it about as one of his greatest artistic achievements. Sadly, this probably ''was'' one of his greatest artistic achievements.

==Content==
Chris-chan's creative sterility is on full display here. He slavishly imitates a commercial product using the limited tools available to him: he creates fake letters, copied game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycled cheat codes. He even mocks up godawful Sonichu ads. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in ''[[Megan|Megaman]] X'' easier to get to, even though the series in question prides itself on its difficult gameplay.

Even the horrible video game ideas are shamelessly recycled; for instance, ''Sonic 64'' is exactly like ''Super Mario 64'', the Sonic SNES collection is just like ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Megaman X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles enemies from previous ''Megaman'' and ''Megaman X'' games, which is an outstanding satire of Capcom's... fffhahaha just kidding, Chris is even less creative than we thought. Chris claims the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris is also one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''") and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

'''TL;DR:''' Even when given literally unlimited creative control over his little fake ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', Chris can only repeat what he's seen, only mixed up very slightly.

While Sonic "dumping" Sega to be on a [[Nintendo]] console seems eerily prescient, rest assured it's just a huge coincidence nobody back in 1998 would've seen coming true. Still, imagine how CWC must've sperged over Sega shitting itself and dying, consigned to releasing terrible, terrible 3D Sonic games on, among other things, Nintendo consoles. Like the cargo cults of the South Pacific, Chris's homemade ''Nintendo Power'' prediction coming kinda-sorta true likely spurned on his quest to see Sonichu somehow made into a video game and place extra credence in his dreams associated with his [[love quest]]. In fact, during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris occasionally mentions how he had "predicted" things like Sonic games on the Game Boy, or 3D Sonic games, as though his tard musings would somehow impress one of the greatest game makers of all time.

Also, it's worth taking a paragraph to examine the ''Sonic Start'' segment, a fine display of Chris's [[Chris and his ego|masturbatory narcissism]] and sense of entitlement. The fictional NP writer praises Chris's "creativity" (which, as has been established above, is nonexistent) and exalts his determination to see his dreams come true. This determination is immediately rendered moot, when the heads of Nintendo and SEGA fall over themselves to make his dream come true, and he ends up doing none of the work himself. In his fantasy, he is given the world on a silver platter as reward for his astounding creativity and determination, without ever actually using either.

[[Chris and art|Plus, all his drawings stink.]]

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Text==

On 24 March 2009, [[PandaHalo]] released the [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. Among its contents was this hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Presented here are the full contents of that magazine. All spelling errors and the like are Chris’s own.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|Sonic the Hedgehog tries to dump the shitty magazine, but he's trapped in a net made of Chris's pubes.]]

===Cover===

CHRISTIAN CHANDLER

'''NINTENDO POWER'''

[Drawing: Sonic jumps from a (badly drawn) Sega Genesis to a (badly drawn) Nintendo 64.]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS Nintendo!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left|After being given a [[Chris and copyright|Simpsons-esque mouth]] and witnessing Chrissy's horrors, Sonic's floating disembodied head gouged one of its eyes out in disgust.]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. Sonic Tails, his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.]

[Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D "Over the Shoulder" view of Sonic on a green background.]

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb|The special features are almost non-existent, as Chris is too lazy and too retarded to think of any.]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left|In a haste to make "screenshots", Chris scribbled random colors everywhere using Magic Markers.]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|free copy]] of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb|Screenshot from Chris's new game "Super Smash Bros.: Anorexic Edition".]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.] 
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.] 
[Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.] 
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left|Donkey Kong looks like a [[Patti Chandler|brown dog]], but that's not the last of Chris's poor drawing skills.]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and art|A boy stands next to an obese, handless elf wearing a dress]].]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.] 
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic and Tails desperately try to escape by flying into Super Mario 64...]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, Bionic.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb|...but they were captured by Chris's army of Transformers and now they are doomed to serve Chris, primarily by punching the screen like idiots.]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left|And here are Sonic's... <s>Cellmates</s> <s>[[Homos|Butt Buddies]]</s> friends that help.]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[Drawing: Tails stands in place and stares dead ahead, looking autistic.]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ''Knuckles' Chaotix''-esque ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb|Chris went to the low of cutting these pictures off of a 2-year-old's drawing so he can make his magazine.]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left|Taking into account his [[Simonla|belief in a Toon Town-esque universe where fictional characters' lives and actions are influenced by artists like voo-doo dolls]], Chris drew Robotnik in a way that he'd trip on his own body weight and shape. And having him steal Mario's trousers.]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.] 
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb|The only reason why SNK2 is a Game Boy game is because Chris is trying to justify his artistic incompetence.]]

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic's bad hair day.]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb|Horribly traced from screenshots and boxart.]]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.] 
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.] 
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.] 
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic smiled bravely in the face of that horrible arm-withering disease...]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb|...but tragically, it then spread to his fingers. Might've had an effect on Sonic's usual colour, too.]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses by holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left|The controller is so well designed, even a [[Chris|retard]] can use it with ease.]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb]]

====Optimus Primal====

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Rattrap====

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb|Who would've known that Megatron was actually the bastard child of Barney and the Michelin Man?]]

====Dinobot====

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left|A Sunburnt X fires spoons.]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb|Zero also tried escaping the shitty magazine, but was also captured. He did not know about it, until the last minute.]]

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.] 
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.] 
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.] 
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left|Snake Man's bad hair day.]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

====SNAKE MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb|Wheel Gator's best [[Chris]] Impersonation.]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

====NEON TIGER====

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left|Take Evasive action when Chris confuses [[Pokemon|Heracross]] and Gravity Beetle.]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<strike>o</strike>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left|Q: When is a Penguin not a Penguin? A: When it's a [[Random Access Humor|Ball-point Penguin]].]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb|Ever wondered what [[Patti]] does between when Chris can be bothered to draw her?]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic 2: Nocturnal Edition.]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb|That green snowman with a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spiked turd]] on its head is supposed to be Bowser, who has as we speak, come across the "familiar sight" of a wall.]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.] 
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.] 
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.] 
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.] 
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left|Banjo is attacked by what appears to be a toaster with eyes as he searches for secret codes.]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, Snorlax, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| Nintendo Power
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Supplement==

Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade Nintendo Power magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of the very real and very cool ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''Sonic Gems Collection''.

[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left|Zappin' to the extreme with hastily added letters at the end of the logo! And melting Pikachus!]]

===SONICHU's Adventure===

''Zapping to the Extreme on Gamecube''

{{-}}

[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb|Rosechu impales Sonichu with hearts, <s>[[Niggo]]</s> Blachu sulks at random rocks, Wild throws plants around, Bubbles surfs without a board, Angelica prays, and Punchy...punches crap. If those aren't damn good concepts for a damn good game, we don't know what is.]]

====Single Player Action====

=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Rosechu is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''

=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Blachu is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''

=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Wild is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''

=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Bubbles is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''

=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Angelica is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''

=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Punchy is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and Writing|And of course, Magi-chan Godmods]]. And Perfect Chaos gets demoted from Final Boss to First.]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: Magi-Chan is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be Station Square. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "Thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as Zapdos tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb|The second screenshot here is actually a prediction of the original Sonichu being demoted to extra. But of course with Chris being Chris, it wouldn't be one of his publications [[Chris and his Ego|without him in it somewhere at least twice.]]]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story

2010-12-16T02:45:03Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{Unfinished}}

[[Image:SonichuChristmas.jpg|thumb|Chris's logo. Nice.]]
"'''A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story'''" is a [[Christmas]]-themed stream-of-consciousness short story that [[Chris]] started in the late evening of 13 [[December 2009]]. It appears that Chris began writing without any clear idea of what the overall story was, which led to [[stress]] and Chris giving up halfway through - proof that even when given a basic template used for generations Chris will still fail.

As of this current time, the project remains unfinished, presumed forgotten.

[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] features a comic adaptation of this story (also unfinished).

==Synopsis==

It is [[Sonichu chronology#2008|December 2008]] in [[CWCville]]. The thoughts of CWCville's citizens have turned to shopping, "[[Santa Clause]]", and religion, in that order. The churches are full of Christians, and [[Christmas#Other confessions|Jews and Buddhists]] have also apparently gathered in the churches to celebrate, as [[Chris and religion|Chris is an idiot]]. Chris casually notes that CWCville has so many homeless people that it requires ten homeless shelters/soup kitchens.

[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], able-bodied adults who [[Monthly tugboat|do not work]], prepare to lavish expensive gifts on their children in their state-appointed housing while across town the apparent throngs of destitute homeless people huddle for warmth in overcrowded flophouses (Chris calls them [[Mailbag 18|"Soup Hotels!"]]). Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Cerah, Christine and Robbie]] hang stockings, butcher a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|classic Christmas poem]] (somehow in song form - the proper [[Chris and music|melody]] only exists in Chris's head), rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be (the eldest, Cerah, is two years old).

Robbie and Sonichu have a lengthy conversation about toys and video games. Most of the conversation is centered around why Sonichu doesn't get more presents. Chris adds a note suggesting that the wireless [[PS3]] controller should have some kind of special strap, so he could lash the controller to his feeble, sweaty hands without having to worry about dropping it.

[[Women's rights|Staying in the kitchen]], Rosechu and Cerah bake cookies for their Christmas party, which will occur in nine days. Cerah has baked a single "[[duck|candle-shaped]]" cookie for the [[Racism|token Jew]] she invited to the party. Cerah tells Rosechu that she made him a vanilla cookie, so he wouldn't fall prey to some Jew food allergy from eating a peanut butter or chocolate cookie. It is unclear whether the children are allotted one cookie each, or Kevin (the Jewish character) is only given one cookie as some kind of punishment for not believing in the divinity of [[Jesus]]. Rosechu high-fives Cerah for her half-hearted attempt at being culturally sensitive.

=="A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas"==

'''A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas'''

By Christian Weston Chandler, December 13, 2009.

===Act 1===

It is [[Sonichu chronology#2008|December 12, 2008]], in the City of [[Cwcville]], Virginia. The majority of the citizens of Cwcville are full of the Christmas Cheer and Holiday Joy. Carolers are singing in various parts of the city. There's a Santa Clause in the middle of the Shopping Mall. The Biggest, Greatly Decorated Christmas Tree occupies the center of CWC-Central Park. All the churches are full with all the believers, be they Christians, Jewish folk, Buddhists, and such. Christmas Trees (mostly) and Menorahs light up most every house, apartment, store and all the living spaces. Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels. Although there tend to be one or two humbugged individuals within each group of people.

On this jolly day, we focus on the little house on 14 Brunchville Lane, where we see the Sonichu Family putting the finishing touches on decorating their house. Mama Rosechu and Cera are baking Christmas Cookies of fun and various shapes of Chocolate Chip, Peanut Butter and even Gingerbread. Christine is in her bedroom, rehearsing and trying on her Mary Outfit for the Christmas Play at the [[Barbara|AnneWeston]] Elementary School. Robbie and Papa Sonichu, with their fully-decorated Christmas Tree behind them, are putting up the Stockings by the fireplace in the Rec Room.

Robbie had just hung his stocking up, between Cera's and Christine's stockings, when he chimes in singing happily, "And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care; we three children knowing Santa would soon be there." Sonichu smiles for Robbie, kneels down for eye-contact, then asks him, "Hey, partner, what do you think Santa will fill your stocking with?" Robbie thinks for a few seconds and replies, "I snail-mailed him a letter asking to put some candy in it, and maybe a copy of the new Wii Olympic game featuring Uncle Sonic. OOH! And I asked Santa to put the big Lego Police Station Set under the tree for me, along with what he will bring for Cera, Christine and you and Mama." Robbie smiles. Sonichu replies, "I don't know about me and Mama; Santa usually brings more for the children." Robbie's smile quickly fades and he asks, "Why does Santa bring less for the grown-ups?" "Well, Santa understands that adults like me and Mama require less," Sonichu replies, "and besides which, we usually treat each other on the presents." Robbie replies, "But Cera, Christine and I chip in for you and Mama too." "Yes y'all do," Sonichu replies, "on Christmas, as well as the other 364 days in your own cute ways; a smile, drawings, and the [[Captain%27s_Log,_Stardate_August_12th,_2009|time we share together as a family."]] Robbie thinks on that for a moment, and he remembers his drawings of sailboats, Papa Sonichu winning a Wrestler's Belt in the match and the family gathered together. He also remembers the games of catching the football, running training around the yard, even High Velocity Bowling on the Playstation 3 (with a custom-fitted Wii wrist-strap attached to the Dualshock 3 Controller. I.M.H.O., ALL wireless controllers should be made with the accessory hole for the wrist straps). After all that remembering, Robbie replies with a smile, "Yes we do."

Meanwhile, in the Kitchen, Rosechu and Cera have almost finished baking all the cookies for the upcoming Christmas Party. Cera looks at some of the cookies and smells their goodness. Rosechu looks over her shoulder from the sink, almost empty of the dirty cooking tools that were to be cleaned, because most of them were already cleaned and washed, and tells Cera, "They smell really good, huh?" Cera replies, "Yes, Mama. Delicious," with a few crumbs hanging from her lips, because she ate one peanut butter cookie. The oven bell dings as the last batch of cookies are done. Rosechu washes her hands, dries them, then switches the oven off and opens the oven with an oven mitt on her right hand. and pulls the tray of cookies out. The smell of warm gingerbread refills the air. Cera wipes off her mouth with a napkin from the table, and fetches a fresh, clean spatula from the clean countertop and hands it to Rosechu. The cookies are gently lifted from the tray then are stacked onto a clean plate to cool. Cera exclaims, "I am looking forward to the party, mama. I am happy you allowed our friends from school to come too." Rosechu replies, "That's okay, sweetie." Cera continues with a question, holding a cookie in a zip-loc bag, "I've invited Kevin too; do you think he'll like this candle-shaped cookie I made for him? He told me he was Jewish, and I thought it would be appropriate." Rosechu replies, "I think he'll love it. You have made it really special with the white frosting for the wax and the yellow for the flame. Uh, what kind of cookie was it again?" "Vanilla", replies Cera, "I felt it best to keep it neutral, in case he was allergic to the peanut butter or chocolate." "Very Smart," says Rosechu with a smile, exchanging a high-five with Cera. The two put all the cookies into multiple zip-loc bags to be saved for the party on the 21st.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7tea2OYHGxw}}
| Stardate = 15 December 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}

==See also:==
{{CWCipedia|chris=A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas}}
*[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], containing a comic version of this [[Fail|masterpiece]].
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[A Sonichu Day]], another day with Sonichu's family.

{{Writings}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas STory}}
[[Category:Prose]]

Talk:2011

2010-12-16T02:24:58Z

Manwithoutabody:

==December 21==
"Patti's body is resurrected by Mayan tribesmen in preparation for the 13th baktun."

Isn't the big year 201'''2'''? --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:51, 17 December 2009 (CET)

Rule of funny. --[[User:DStecks|DStecks]] 18:40, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

Do we really need the shoehorned in ''Evangelion'' reference? It contributes naught to the article and isn't very funny. --[[User:Manwithoutabody|manwithoutabody]] 19:19, 2 July 2010 (CEST)

Dealt with. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:56, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

WHAT?!? The Evangellion refference was one of the funniest things on here. I don't know how you figured it was unfunny! --[[User:Zartok-35|zartok-35]]
:And this is why I hate ''Evangelion'' fans. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:21, 27 July 2010 (UTC)

Can we bring back the bit about the kidnapping spree and trying to build a girlfriend? The car chase ending doesnt make sense otherwise.
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 19:57, 27 July 2010 (UTC)

Fuck it I'll do it [[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 19:58, 27 July 2010 (UTC)

==THE FUCK IS ALL THIS?==
This shit is bollocks. I am asking for the deletion of the 2011 article on the grounds that it's all speculative. Take this faggotry to /cwc/. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 12:37, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
* Rather than speculative, it's a joke. Still, seconded. --[[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 12:42, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
:* I know, but the CWCiki is meant to be as factual as possible, and while it may seem spergin' to be curtailing such things, it's done to maintain an image of striving for excellence.
:**It's part of a joke. It's kinda a tradition. The 2010 page was the same last year. Though I guess in hindsight it is rather unnecessary. Sure. Delete it. Why not? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 13:09, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
::*Sometimes I worry that certain people here are allergic to fun.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:19, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
:::*I second Beat's statement.--[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 20:53, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
::::*Beat is always right. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:27, 3 August 2010 (PDT)
:::::*This is why I sometimes regret following Chris. It was advertised to me as some kind of awesome troll target and so I started learning about him in the hope that I'd eventually get to have a shot at it. It's bad enough that it's pretty far from that, but removing all the fun from the wiki to me seems a self-defeating goal. We document the site to facilitate trolling and to provide a library which can be used for trolls and followers to remember past laughs. This site is hardly shitty, but it doesn't have some kind of noble cause and I don't think we should pretend it does. We're here to have fun, so let's do that. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 06:26, 4 August 2010 (PDT)
*God dammit Crass, stop being a faggot. This shit is on a page that will be filled anyway, it's not cluttering anything up, and it presents a nice 'ending' to the CWChronology. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 08:36, 11 August 2010 (PDT)

==That Chris movie idea==
Much as I love Tom Baker, it seems pretty obvious that the man to portray Michael Snyder is Al Pacino. Also, shouldn't Vanessa Hudgeons be in there somewhere? And if Frank Silva were alive, he'd be pretty good as Bob. - [[User:Manwithoutabody|Manwithoutabody]] 18:24, 15 December 2010 (PST)

Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)

2010-12-16T02:08:19Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{merge|Chaotic Combo}}

In what may be the world's only attempt at cross-comic retconning, [[Chris]] attempted to alter the plot of Alec Benson Leary's ''[[Asperchu]]'' comic from within the pages of ''[[Sonichu 10]]''. Rather than comply with this "extreme electric makeover", however, Alec simply accepted Mitch Sonichu as a new character and ignored the rest of Chris's changes.

==Chaotic Combo in Asperchu==

In the world of Asperchu, Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo are a group of heroic vigilantes fighting an underground guerrilla war in the streets of CWCville to free the town from the despotic clutches of [[Chris-Chan|Ian Brandon Anderson]] and return the rightful [[Liquid Chris|Mayor]] to power. They are given much better characterization than Chris originally gave them; and just for kicks, Alec made Wild and Magi-chan [[Homos|gay]] to play off their obvious homosexual inclinations in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]. Wild is first seen in a relationship with [[Simonchu]] as a parody of Wild dating ripoff character [[Simonla]]. However, they are eventually killed off; Angelica, Wild and Punchy are killed by Metal Asperchu after perceiving them to be a threat to his goals. Bubbles, and later Magi-chan, are killed off by [[Silvana]], who's working for Ian Brandon Anderson.

==In the Sonichu Comic==

In Issue 10 of the "Sonichu" comic Chris sends [[Ultra Sonichu]] into the world of Asperchu where he is shocked to discover sonichus and rosechus with personality. Butthurt to find that Alec has given "his" characters more personality than he ever could, he has Ultra Sonichu remove their Asperger's (along with the aforementioned personality, and despite the fact that originally, only Asperchu himself had Asperger's) turning them into another dull group of characters with all the misplaced attitude one might find in a Saturday morning cartoon.

Notably, Asperchu becomes "[[Mitch Sonichu]]" after his EXTREME Electric Makeover, a flannel wearing idiot and perhaps the worst character in Chris's canon of bad characters.

He is also, effectively, a ripoff [[Asperchu|of a ripoff]] [[Sonichu|of a ripoff]], marking a new all time low in Chris's originality.

==Alec Strikes Back==
In retaliation, Alec took Mitch sonichu and simply renamed him Mitch Chu, making him a character in his own comic, as well as in Sonichu Revolution where Mitch recounts about his confusing origins. Mitch was recast as a [[homos|gay]] hairstylist, since makeovers are gay. Whisp became Whispy, [[Punchy]]'s [[slow-in-the-mind]]s cousin who speaks Spanish.

More generally, the characters became quite popular in various fanworks, since - in addition to the brutal method of their introduction to ''Sonichu'' canon - they were seen as clean slates to be given whatever personality the author felt worked best.

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Michael Sonichu.jpg|Michael Sonichu
Image:Kitty Rosechu.jpg|Kitty Rosechu
Image:Bobby Sonichu.jpg|Bobby Sonichu
Image:Trisha Rosechu.jpg|Trisha Rosechu
Image:Swift Sonichu.jpg|Swift Sonichu
Image:Whisp Sonichu.jpg|Whisp Sonichu
Image:Mitch Sonichu.jpg|Mitch Sonichu
</center></gallery>

Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)

2010-12-16T02:03:30Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{merge|Chaotic Combo}}

In what may be the world's only attempt at cross-comic retconning, [[Chris]] attempted to alter the plot of Alec Benson Leary's ''[[Asperchu]]'' comic from within the pages of ''[[Sonichu 10]]''. Rather than comply with this "extreme electric makeover", however, Alec simply accepted Mitch Sonichu as a new character and ignored the rest of Chris's changes.

==Chaotic Combo in Asperchu==

In the world of Asperchu, Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo are a group of heroic vigilantes fighting an underground guerrilla war in the streets of CWCville to free the town from the despotic clutches of [[Chris-Chan|Ian Brandon Anderson]] and return the rightful [[Liquid Chris|Mayor]] to power. They are given much better characterization than Chris originally gave them; and just for kicks, Alec made Wild and Magi-chan [[Homos|gay]] to play off their obvious homosexual inclinations in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]. Wild is first seen in a relationship with [[Simonchu]] as a parody of Wild dating ripoff character [[Simonla]]. However, they are eventually killed off; Angelica, Wild and Punchy are killed by Metal Asperchu after perceiving them to be a threat to his goals. Bubbles, and later Magi-chan, are killed off by [[Silvana]], who's working for Ian Brandon Anderson.

==In the Sonichu Comic==

In Issue 10 of the "Sonichu" comic Chris sends [[Ultra Sonichu]] into the world of Asperchu where he is shocked to discover sonichus and rosechus with personality. Butthurt to find that Alec has given "his" characters more personality than he ever could, he has Ultra Sonichu remove their Asperger's (along with the aforementioned personality, and despite the fact that originally, only Asperchu himself had Asperger's) turning them into another dull group of characters with all the misplaced attitude one might find in a Saturday morning cartoon.

Notably, Asperchu becomes "[[Mitch Sonichu]]" after his EXTREME Electric Makeover, a flannel wearing idiot and perhaps the worst character in Chris's canon of bad characters.

He is also, effectively, a ripoff [[Asperchu|of a ripoff]] [[Sonichu|of a ripoff]], marking a new all time low in Chris's originality.

==Alec Strikes Back==
In retaliation, Alec took Mitch sonichu and simply renamed him Mitch Chu, making him a character in his own comic, as well as in Sonichu Revolution where Mitch recounts about his confusing origins. Mitch was recast as a [[homos|gay]] hairstylist, since makeovers are gay. Whisp became Whispy, [[Punchy]]'s [[slow-in-the-mind]]s cousin who speaks Spanish. Swift is slated to appear in [[Capering Berries]], another [[Asperpedia]] comic, as [[Magi-chan]]'s gay lover and second-in-command. Michael is mentioned as [[Metonic]]'s former name.

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Michael Sonichu.jpg|Michael Sonichu
Image:Kitty Rosechu.jpg|Kitty Rosechu
Image:Bobby Sonichu.jpg|Bobby Sonichu
Image:Trisha Rosechu.jpg|Trisha Rosechu
Image:Swift Sonichu.jpg|Swift Sonichu
Image:Whisp Sonichu.jpg|Whisp Sonichu
Image:Mitch Sonichu.jpg|Mitch Sonichu
</center></gallery>

Basement Rosechus

2010-12-16T02:02:55Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{quote|You just had them in prison and you treated them like hamsters... You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.|[[Chris]], [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6]]}}

[[Image:SchuComic11P80.jpg|thumb|Chris offers an important clarification on the complex topic of hamster/rosechu rape]]

The '''Basement Rosechus''' are four [[Rosechu (species)|rosechus]] supposedly rescued from the basement of [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] in [[Sonichu 10]]. Starved, dirty and traumatized, they are the first characters that actually seem congruous with the grim backdrop of [[CWCville]].

In typical [[Chris and writing|Chris style]], each is distinguished by some form of impairment or distinctive costume rather than any genuine personality. After being given a motivational speech by [[Sonichu]], they are promptly stuffed into one of CWCville's soup hotels, most likely to be forgotten about.

Not long after publishing the pages featuring these characters, Chris released a video with one of his [[5_February_2010|classic anti-sincere apologies]], backing off from the implication that Alec would entertain himself by abusing and raping innocent women. According to Chris's retroactive accounting of the situation, the Basement Rosechus were merely kept in large cages and forced to run on a "giant hamster wheel", as if that's any better.

==The Forsaken==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:brittay.JPG|center]]
</td>
<td>

===Brit-Tay Rosechu===

Essentially the [[Rosechu (species)|regular rosechu]], right down to a proclivity for [[Women's rights|strutting around in slutty clothes]], but famished and [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|dirty]] in appearance. The end of her tail appears to have been chewed on at some point. She is possibly the leader of the group by virtue of being the most bland.
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bride.JPG|center]]
</td>
<td>

===Bride Rosechu===

A rosechu in a waifish-looking wedding dress, she was apparently betrothed to [[Asperchu]] but was declared too weak and feeble. Speaking with strong religious overtones, it could be said she is set-up to be an [[Angelica]] clone were this sort of accusation of unoriginality not redundant by now.
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:moe.JPG|center]]
</td>
<td>

===Moe Rosechu===

A bald rosechu with rickets and square eyes. Inadvertently or otherwise, her tail resembles a hockey stick.

<tr><td>
[[Image:maryrosechu.JPG|center]]
</td>
<td>

===Mary Rosechu===
A paraplegic rosechu who had apparently gone without a wheelchair for most of her existence. Sonichu graciously gives her one. Has a missing ear for unexplained reasons. Wants to have a long, soapy bath, which she probably won't be able to feel.
</td></tr>
</table>

==See also==
*[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6]]
*[[5_February_2010|I Am Alive]]
*[[Chaotic_Combo_(Asperchu)|Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)]]

[[Category:Characters]][[Category: Rosechus]]

Sonichu and Rosechu's children

2010-12-16T01:56:38Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:Sr kids.JPG|thumb|388px|right|From left to right: '''Cerah''', '''Christine''', '''Robbie.''']]
'''Cerah Rosey''' (sometimes spelled "Cera"), '''Christine Rosey''' and '''Robbie Sonee''' are the [[Chris and Sex#Incest|inbred]] children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. Cerah is the oldest (born [[Sonichu chronology#2006|29 June 2006]], followed by Christine (b. 7 October 2006), and finally Robbie (b. 26 February 2007).<ref name=married>[[Sonichu#Married Life and Children]]</ref>

It is probable that Cerah is named after [[Sarah Hammer|Chris's childhood best friend]] and Robbie is named after either [[Bob|Chris's father]] or [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|his childhood hero]]. Christine's name may come from the feminine variant of Christian's name (due to his [[Chris and ego|narcissism]]) or his obsession with the name "[[Crystal]]". It should be noted that while Chris was uploading images to use as thumbnails for his character bio pages, he attempted to display a nonexistent image file entitled "''Crystal''Rosey.jpg" where a drawing of Christine should have gone.

They are identified by their whiny, high-pitched voices and irritating [[speech impediment]]s. It is notable that to date Sonichu or Rosechu have not been seen spending time with a child of the opposite gender. Rosechu spends large amounts of time with Cera and Christine [[Women's rights|in the kitchen]], while Sonichu and Robbie do manly activities such as gazing into each others' eyes and talking about their Wii.

The little shits end almost every statement with "Yay!" It should be noted that this is [[PS3 History Level|how Chris talks]], not how ''children'' talk. They are also known for their [[The Creepy Stare|creepy, blank expressions and soul-less eyes]].

The children are widely hated by '''everybody''', even more so than the other characters. They make ''[[wikipedia:The Brood|The Brood]]'' look adorable and charming.

==Why Sonichu's kids are so terrifying==

[[Image:Demonicrobbie.jpg|right|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]]

Although Chris is historically bad at character design, Sonichu's children are examples of nightmare fuel: artwork that is unintentionally disturbing. Although Chris didn't mean for them to look like hideous, unnatural monstrosities, they appear to be that way for several reasons:

1. Their bright green eyes with slits for pupils are reminiscent of a predatory animal.

2. Their pink, hairless arm-stubs among the most phallic things Chris has drawn.

3. Robbie's face is a jaundiced, emotionless death mask. He has also perfected Chris's [[creepy stare]]. Christine (the purple one) appears like the bloated, waterlogged corpse of an infant.

4. Their mouths are blood-red, gaping, toothless maws, from which [[Wikipedia:Vagina Dentata|needle sharp teeth could erupt at any second]].

5. Although their bodies appear useless for any kind of physical motion, Robbie appears to be able to levitate under his own power.

6. The odd, hairless patch on Robbie's torso looks to be more a product of disease than of character design.

7. Like all male Sonichus, Robbie is naked except for his footwear. Male Sonichus have internal genitalia, but they're only one involuntary erection from indecent exposure at all times. With any other pantsless cartoon character this wouldn't be an issue, but Chris found it necessary to explain how his characters fuck in gory detail. Even though Sonichu is a children's comic. So as Robbie Sonnie is draining your blood, he'd probably become sexually aroused from your screams and would [[Wikipedia:Crash_(1996_film)| start having sex with your open wounds]], because it looks like that's how he rolls.

==Appearances==

[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|left|Sonichu: The comic that's not afraid to tackle child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|right|The only insectivore that will ever wuv Chris.]]

The kids' most prominent appearance to date is in the sign Chris drew to show his support for [[McIntire Park]]. They've also been seen in two pages of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' Issue 9]], as well as begetting a quick mention on page 41 of the same issue. They spend the rest of their time being watched over by their Spanish [[lesbian]] nanny, [[Heather Iglesias]], while their neglectful parents waste time trying to assist their hideous father in his quest for [[Sonichu Balls|balls]].

The hellish abominations spawned from Rosechu's [[China|loins]] have also appeared in [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and in [[Sonichu 11]]. Sonichu 11 is where Chris started making comics of said Christmas Story. Here we learn that Christine is no longer a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]], and Robbie replaces his R's with W's while speaking in an effort to be as saccharine and grating as possible. However, this could be interpreted as a way of Chris trying to pass of the extremely complex dialogue Robbie has as something a child would say, you know, because he's making malapropisms like those [[wikipedia:Family Circus|melon-headed kids in the funnies]]. Cera (formerly Cerah) breaks the fourth wall to say "I wuv you!" to Chris.

Robbie makes a brief appearance in [[Sonichu 10]], describing an incident which involved him pissing on a lizard. Needless to say, [[Patti-Chan|cruelty to animals]] is one of the early signs of a [[Death threats|potential psychopath]].

The children also appear in Chris's [[:File:HelpHaitSonichu.jpg|disingenuous plea]] for helping Haiti.

==Evolution==

If we take what Chris said in his [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|"business presentation"]] as canon, happiness/[[Gal-pal|friendship]] is a major factor in the development of sonees and roseys. This, of course, raises the question of ''why'' these little fuckers haven't evolved and joined the legion of one dimensional sideshow attractions in [[Sonichu]]. The logical conclusion is that they are both [[Chandler Cats|mistreated]] and [[Chris|friendless]]. Given that [[Sandy]] evolved in a week after the [[Sonichu 10|toilet-related death of the mother she never knew]], the level of abuse would have to be [[Sonichu_10#Forgiveness....3F|extreme violence]] or [[Rape|sexual assault]]. Still, since Chris has been known to rip off [[Pokemon]] mechanics on a whim, he could claim that the children are under the effects of an Everstone, which would prevent them from evolving. That, of course, raises the question:

''[[Pedofork|Why are Sonichu and Rosechu keeping their children in an everlasting childhood?]]''

==Shiny==

Christine is a "Shining" (or "Shiney"<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 4]]</ref> <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and English|sic]]<nowiki>]</nowiki>) Rosey according to Chris.<ref name=married /> Unsurprisingly, Chris has, yet again, ripped off an element of ''[[Pokémon]]'' canon (in the games, a Pokémon that has a different coloration from what is usual for its species is considered to be "[[User:Shiny|shiny]]"), because Chris lives, breathes, eats, and shits Pokémon. Chris also seems to believe that [[trolls|his readers]] are also Pokéfags like him, because he assumes that everyone understands what the term "shiny" means, and thus neglects to elaborate any further.

It is believed that Sonichu and Rosechu claim Christine is a shiny to hide the fact her real father is either [[Magi-chan]], [[Jamsta]] or [[Darkbind]], which would explain her distinct purple coloring. Darkbind is often considered to be a more likely candidate, with Magi-Chan's obvious [[homos]]exuality. However given the [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|possibility]] that Rosechu may indeed be a [[Silvana|hermaphrodite]], and with Magi-Chan's well-known [[Virgin with rage|sexual frustrations]] in mind, it is not entirely inconceivable that she and the lavender wonder got drunk one night at a [[Chris's Big Night Out|bar]] and accidentally got knocked up with this little bundle of joy. Hell, maybe Rosechu is both the mother ''and'' the father.

It's also possible that Christine is in fact the daughter of [[Chris and Sex#Bestiality|Chris and Rosechu]]. Chris's hedgehog form is blue, and pink is a kind of red. Combine the two and you get purple. Chris is also an apathetic psychic, so it's not impossible for him to have wiped or altered Rosechu's memory of the event. Most damning of all is the fact that when uploading images to the CWCipedia for the character bios, he mistyped "ChristineRosey.jpg" as "''Crystal''Rosey.jpg", suggesting that he at the very least sees her as a daughter and at the most another sue for Crystal. This would not be surprising considering Christine shares his strong [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]] to the degree that she is seldom seen without a mirror (often confused for a rattle due to Chris's shit [[art]]).

In [[A Sonichu Day|Chris's live-action production of a day in the life of Sonichu]], Rosechu extolled the virtues of Christine's shiny nature, implying, if not outright stating a bad case of parental favoritism. It's unknown if Rosechu loves Christine more than her other children because she's more valuable, or if it's because Christine is the only reminder she has of her forbidden affair with Christine's real father. At any rate, Rosechu seems perfectly happy to pander to Christine's bare-faced arrogance like the disgusting sycophant she is.

When confronted with the accusation of infidelity by a [[troll|close confidant]], Chris got indignant and stuck to his "shiny" alibi.<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 6]]</ref>

==Fan art==
[[Image:Robbieisadick.jpg|thumb|right|The ugly truth.]][[Image:Robbiesonee.png|thumb|left|Isn't he cute?]]
[[Image:CWCipedia Introduction vandal.jpg|thumb|Family bonding with the kids.]]

The children of Sonichu and Rosechu are also a [[:Category:Guro|popular subject]] for fan art. In [[August 2009]], a large volume of art depicting Sonichu and Rosechu's [[Sex#Pedophilia|frolicking]] children was emailed to Chris. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|He did not appreciate it,]] for some odd reason. Ironically, in a later comic, he all but confirmed this art as canon with the implication that Christine is not a virgin, most likely deflowered by Sonichu himself.

[[File:425-CWCSNHP1.jpg|thumb|Evidence that even Robbie is (yet another) Mary Sue]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Sonee & Rosey]]
*[[Sonichu]]
*[[Rosechu]]
*[[Guro]]
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]], in which Chris addresses the former.
*[[A Sonichu Day]] The first time the little abominations ever spoke
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]
* Wikipedia article on ''[[wikipedia:The Lurking Fear|The Lurking Fear]]''

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

Sonichu and Rosechu's children

2010-12-16T01:53:11Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:Sr kids.JPG|thumb|388px|right|From left to right: '''Cerah''', '''Christine''', '''Robbie.''']]
'''Cerah Rosey''' (sometimes spelled "Cera"), '''Christine Rosey''' and '''Robbie Sonee''' are the [[Chris and Sex#Incest|inbred]] children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. Cerah is the oldest (born [[Sonichu chronology#2006|29 June 2006]], followed by Christine (b. 7 October 2006), and finally Robbie (b. 26 February 2007).<ref name=married>[[Sonichu#Married Life and Children]]</ref>

It is probable that Cerah is named after [[Sarah Hammer|Chris's childhood best friend]] and Robbie is named after either [[Bob|Chris's father]] or [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|his childhood hero]]. Christine's name may come from the feminine variant of Christian's name (due to his [[Chris and ego|narcissism]]) or his obsession with the name "[[Crystal]]". It should be noted that while Chris was uploading images to use as thumbnails for his character bio pages, he attempted to display a nonexistent image file entitled "''Crystal''Rosey.jpg" where a drawing of Christine should have gone.

They are identified by their whiny, high-pitched voices and irritating [[speech impediment]]s. It is notable that to date Sonichu or Rosechu have not been seen spending time with a child of the opposite gender. Rosechu spends large amounts of time with Cera and Christine [[Women's rights|in the kitchen]], while Sonichu and Robbie do manly activities such as gazing into each others' eyes and talking about their Wii.

The little shits end almost every statement with "Yay!" It should be noted that this is [[PS3 History Level|how Chris talks]], not how ''children'' talk. They are also known for their [[The Creepy Stare|creepy, blank expressions and soul-less eyes]].

The children are widely hated by '''everybody''', even more so than the other characters. They make ''[[wikipedia:The Brood|The Brood]]'' look adorable and charming.

==Why Sonichu's kids are so terrifying==

[[Image:Demonicrobbie.jpg|right|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]]

Although Chris is historically bad at character design, Sonichu's children are examples of nightmare fuel: artwork that is unintentionally disturbing. Although Chris didn't mean for them to look like hideous, unnatural monstrosities, they appear to be that way for several reasons:

1. Their bright green eyes with slits for pupils are reminiscent of a predatory animal.

2. Their pink, hairless arm-stubs among the most phallic things Chris has drawn.

3. Robbie's face is a jaundiced, emotionless death mask. He has also perfected Chris's [[creepy stare]]. Christine (the purple one) appears like the bloated, waterlogged corpse of an infant.

4. Their mouths are blood-red, gaping, toothless maws, from which [[Wikipedia:Vagina Dentata|needle sharp teeth could erupt at any second]].

5. Although their bodies appear useless for any kind of physical motion, Robbie appears to be able to levitate under his own power.

6. The odd, hairless patch on Robbie's torso looks to be more a product of disease than of character design.

7. Like all male Sonichus, Robbie is naked except for his footwear. Male Sonichus have internal genitalia, but they're only one involuntary erection from indecent exposure at all times. With any other pantsless cartoon character this wouldn't be an issue, but Chris found it necessary to explain how his characters fuck in gory detail. Even though Sonichu is a children's comic. So as Robbie Sonnie is draining your blood, he'd probably become sexually aroused from your screams and would [[Wikipedia:Crash_(1996_film) start having sex with your open wounds]], because it looks like that's how he rolls.

==Appearances==

[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|left|Sonichu: The comic that's not afraid to tackle child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|right|The only insectivore that will ever wuv Chris.]]

The kids' most prominent appearance to date is in the sign Chris drew to show his support for [[McIntire Park]]. They've also been seen in two pages of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' Issue 9]], as well as begetting a quick mention on page 41 of the same issue. They spend the rest of their time being watched over by their Spanish [[lesbian]] nanny, [[Heather Iglesias]], while their neglectful parents waste time trying to assist their hideous father in his quest for [[Sonichu Balls|balls]].

The hellish abominations spawned from Rosechu's [[China|loins]] have also appeared in [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and in [[Sonichu 11]]. Sonichu 11 is where Chris started making comics of said Christmas Story. Here we learn that Christine is no longer a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]], and Robbie replaces his R's with W's while speaking in an effort to be as saccharine and grating as possible. However, this could be interpreted as a way of Chris trying to pass of the extremely complex dialogue Robbie has as something a child would say, you know, because he's making malapropisms like those [[wikipedia:Family Circus|melon-headed kids in the funnies]]. Cera (formerly Cerah) breaks the fourth wall to say "I wuv you!" to Chris.

Robbie makes a brief appearance in [[Sonichu 10]], describing an incident which involved him pissing on a lizard. Needless to say, [[Patti-Chan|cruelty to animals]] is one of the early signs of a [[Death threats|potential psychopath]].

The children also appear in Chris's [[:File:HelpHaitSonichu.jpg|disingenuous plea]] for helping Haiti.

==Evolution==

If we take what Chris said in his [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|"business presentation"]] as canon, happiness/[[Gal-pal|friendship]] is a major factor in the development of sonees and roseys. This, of course, raises the question of ''why'' these little fuckers haven't evolved and joined the legion of one dimensional sideshow attractions in [[Sonichu]]. The logical conclusion is that they are both [[Chandler Cats|mistreated]] and [[Chris|friendless]]. Given that [[Sandy]] evolved in a week after the [[Sonichu 10|toilet-related death of the mother she never knew]], the level of abuse would have to be [[Sonichu_10#Forgiveness....3F|extreme violence]] or [[Rape|sexual assault]]. Still, since Chris has been known to rip off [[Pokemon]] mechanics on a whim, he could claim that the children are under the effects of an Everstone, which would prevent them from evolving. That, of course, raises the question:

''[[Pedofork|Why are Sonichu and Rosechu keeping their children in an everlasting childhood?]]''

==Shiny==

Christine is a "Shining" (or "Shiney"<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 4]]</ref> <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and English|sic]]<nowiki>]</nowiki>) Rosey according to Chris.<ref name=married /> Unsurprisingly, Chris has, yet again, ripped off an element of ''[[Pokémon]]'' canon (in the games, a Pokémon that has a different coloration from what is usual for its species is considered to be "[[User:Shiny|shiny]]"), because Chris lives, breathes, eats, and shits Pokémon. Chris also seems to believe that [[trolls|his readers]] are also Pokéfags like him, because he assumes that everyone understands what the term "shiny" means, and thus neglects to elaborate any further.

It is believed that Sonichu and Rosechu claim Christine is a shiny to hide the fact her real father is either [[Magi-chan]], [[Jamsta]] or [[Darkbind]], which would explain her distinct purple coloring. Darkbind is often considered to be a more likely candidate, with Magi-Chan's obvious [[homos]]exuality. However given the [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|possibility]] that Rosechu may indeed be a [[Silvana|hermaphrodite]], and with Magi-Chan's well-known [[Virgin with rage|sexual frustrations]] in mind, it is not entirely inconceivable that she and the lavender wonder got drunk one night at a [[Chris's Big Night Out|bar]] and accidentally got knocked up with this little bundle of joy. Hell, maybe Rosechu is both the mother ''and'' the father.

It's also possible that Christine is in fact the daughter of [[Chris and Sex#Bestiality|Chris and Rosechu]]. Chris's hedgehog form is blue, and pink is a kind of red. Combine the two and you get purple. Chris is also an apathetic psychic, so it's not impossible for him to have wiped or altered Rosechu's memory of the event. Most damning of all is the fact that when uploading images to the CWCipedia for the character bios, he mistyped "ChristineRosey.jpg" as "''Crystal''Rosey.jpg", suggesting that he at the very least sees her as a daughter and at the most another sue for Crystal. This would not be surprising considering Christine shares his strong [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]] to the degree that she is seldom seen without a mirror (often confused for a rattle due to Chris's shit [[art]]).

In [[A Sonichu Day|Chris's live-action production of a day in the life of Sonichu]], Rosechu extolled the virtues of Christine's shiny nature, implying, if not outright stating a bad case of parental favoritism. It's unknown if Rosechu loves Christine more than her other children because she's more valuable, or if it's because Christine is the only reminder she has of her forbidden affair with Christine's real father. At any rate, Rosechu seems perfectly happy to pander to Christine's bare-faced arrogance like the disgusting sycophant she is.

When confronted with the accusation of infidelity by a [[troll|close confidant]], Chris got indignant and stuck to his "shiny" alibi.<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 6]]</ref>

==Fan art==
[[Image:Robbieisadick.jpg|thumb|right|The ugly truth.]][[Image:Robbiesonee.png|thumb|left|Isn't he cute?]]
[[Image:CWCipedia Introduction vandal.jpg|thumb|Family bonding with the kids.]]

The children of Sonichu and Rosechu are also a [[:Category:Guro|popular subject]] for fan art. In [[August 2009]], a large volume of art depicting Sonichu and Rosechu's [[Sex#Pedophilia|frolicking]] children was emailed to Chris. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|He did not appreciate it,]] for some odd reason. Ironically, in a later comic, he all but confirmed this art as canon with the implication that Christine is not a virgin, most likely deflowered by Sonichu himself.

[[File:425-CWCSNHP1.jpg|thumb|Evidence that even Robbie is (yet another) Mary Sue]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Sonee & Rosey]]
*[[Sonichu]]
*[[Rosechu]]
*[[Guro]]
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]], in which Chris addresses the former.
*[[A Sonichu Day]] The first time the little abominations ever spoke
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]
* Wikipedia article on ''[[wikipedia:The Lurking Fear|The Lurking Fear]]''

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

User:Manwithoutabody/Second Soliloquy

2010-12-16T01:39:09Z

Manwithoutabody:

You can read more of my babbling over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord,_I_Was_Born_a_Ramblin'_Man| here]].

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, an then it was on my first rambling, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Boulder-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy.

===Why ''Sonichu'' Stands Out as Particularly Awful===
Issue 2 was where it all got fascinating.

Sure, 0 and 1 were terrible, but they were blandly terrible. I'm sure you could find a million dumbasses on the internet with equally inane and stupid fancomics. I think that's what SonichuIzCool, poor soul that she is, liked. Back then, it was just low quality adventures with terrible characters. She probably liked it just because she liked Sonic and Pikachu, and, like Chris, lacked the ability to judge a work by its quality rather than its premise. Sure, it got worse, but in both their minds, it remained the relatively innocent thing it was at first. Unlike Chris, though, that poor girl (as far as I can tell from what little is known about her) isn't a bad person.

It was with Sonichu 2 that Chris's terrible personality finally began to take over the comic. 1 and 0 were a cliche storm, but they kept Chris's awful, self-justifying personality limited to the Sub-Episodes. Chris was a recurring guest character in his own comic, which, in and of itself, isn't too bad (whiny though his segments were). With Issue 2, it became all about him, and that's when it became the single worst webcomic in known history.

One of Chris's many problems is that, due to his lack of imagination and general laze, he never writes anything that is just ''Sonichu''. At least, not since Issues 0 and 1, which were very cliche-ridden and uncreative. What I mean by this is that not once do Sonichu and friends have any adventures that are only there to entertain. They don't travel to a strange new country to help the locals thwart Count Graduon's invasion. They don't track down the Sonichu Crystals (or balls, or whatever). They don't have to deal with a monster of the week.

Sonichu 3 introduced the Chaotic Combo, but none of them really ''did'' anything. Sure, they had their whole "dating education" bit in ''Sonichu 9'', but that was hardly the sort of high-flying adventure Chris clearly wants the comic to be. Their introduction was a way of stalling; Sonichu can't go on epic adventures yet because we haven't introduced all the characters! After they were introduced, Chris lost interest in them, so Issue 4 was all about him again.

From what I gather, Chris intended the comic to be akin to a Saturday morning cartoon, and such shows - regardless of their quality - consist primarily of what is technically filler. There will be many episodes that have no real impact on any plot arcs and only exist to fill up space and entertain the audience. They may still be excellent episodes (I will admit that "Vincent and the Doctor", despite adding very little to the ongoing plot arc of ''Doctor Who'', still made me cry a little). Almost any given episode of ''Pokemon'' will (or at least, this was the case when I was watching it) have the following plot: 
1.Ash and friends go to a place where people and Pokemon are interacting in an idiosyncratic way (dealing with a Diglet pest problem, making perfume with help from Grass types, farming Ponyta, going on safari to watch Kangaskhan, etc.) 
2.Team Rocket arrive, deliver their introductory speech, create problems 
3.Ash and friends defeat Team Rocket 
4.The people Ash helped thank him by waving at him a lot as he leaves with his friends

That's not artistic brilliance, but it's professional. It's clear that the writers, animators, and actors want to get paid, and they're giving the fans what they want, and that's fine. It's pulp, with a fairly young target audience, so you can't expect too much from it. Maybe once in a while, they'd do an episode that was really personally important to them (like that ''Digimon'' episode with the out-of-nowhere ''Shadow Over Innsmouth'' homages) and leave all the fans scratching their heads and alienated. That's not professional; that's personal, and they're taking a big risk by doing that. If they want to keep being, first and foremost, pulp, then they'd better do it very infrequently.

Starting with Issue 2, ''Sonichu'' does this all the time. We're given some standard goals for the characters (save Crystal, get the Sonichu Crystals, defeat Graduon, save Zelina from Clawdorf), but nobody, least of all Chris, puts any effort into them.

Partly, this is because it's an amateur comic. Chris makes no money on it, so he doesn't need to give the fans what they want, and can just do whatever ''he'' wants. Because Chris lacks the discipline to create filler adventures for his characters, the most he can do is repeatedly assure us that Sonichu and friends are superheroes, but we don't really get to see any real evidence of this. In Chris's mind, they're frequently off fighting villains who aren't personally important to him. Villains like Robotnik, Giovanni, Metal Sonichu, and even (at first) Blake and Reldnahc. Notice anything these guys all have in common, besides being monstrously unoriginal? They all either vanished altogether from the comic or else had their personalities greatly retooled. That's because Chris doesn't care about them. Even Count Graduon, who was supposed to be the main villain of the series, has more or less disappeared. Mary Lee Walsh, formerly another primary villain, was finally defeated with ridiculous ease, while most of the issue was focused on torturing and demeaning four characters who had never appeared in the comic before but in real life had annoyed Chris.

He doesn't really enjoy writing these adventures anywhere near as much as he enjoys making personal attacks on his enemies. Seriously, when was the last time a villain appeared who ''wasn't'' based on a troll?

Even when Chris ''was'' writing the comic, he didn't really care about it. If he did, he would have created villains and adventures that he found appealing enough to write but ''weren't'' just recreations of his own life and his own problems.

Another problem is the wildly inconsistent tone. Because the comic is controlled by the whims of a deranged manchild, it's only about whatever is on his mind at the moment, and because it's updated so infrequently, this can vary tremendously between pages. It's supposed to be a ''Pokemon''/''Sonic''-esque adventure series, but there are no real adventures anymore. Sometimes it's pseudo-romantic ("The Genesis of the Lovehogs"), and sometimes it's a bawdy comedy about a guy who can't get any (those few moments when Chris is able to laugh at himself, although they're still not funny), and sometimes porn and sometimes it's torture porn. Chris can't come up with a "status quo" for his comic (a la ''The Simpsons'', where almost nothing ever changes), but he can't stick with any major plot arcs either (a la ''Twin Peaks'', where if you miss a single episode you're lost, but then, you're probably lost anyway).

This is why he's always giving us "previews" of upcoming developments in ''Sonichu'', like the [[Giant Penis Comic]]. He wants to skip ahead to the parts that personally interest his id, and leave the rest of it for us to fill in. When there's no particular message he ''really'' needs to get out, he doesn't just write filler like most people do. He writes nothing whatever.

''Sonichu'' was once a derivative and generically crappy fancomic, but now, it's Chris's default way of lashing out at his enemies, and nothing else. It's gotten to the point where he never updates for any reason other than that.

===Why does Chris want to be a house-husband?===
I'm going to assume you've seen [[PlayingHouse]] in this one. If you haven't, go watch it now, because it's ebsolutely fescinatung, like a warwilf. So anyway, in Chris' idyllic vision of married life with Jackie, she's a highly-paid journalist and he's a house-husband. Let's set aside the improbability that a woman as successful and attractive as her (in the picture, anyway) would ever want to be with a dretch like him and instead focus on their living arrangement. Why doesn't he portray himself as the rockstar creator of of a multimillion dollar cartoon franchise?

Partly because, for now, he's basically abandoned Sonichu. He's said he hopes to do it all his life, but it's clearly just an attention ploy in the hope of picking up girls. Once married, there's no way he'd continue it.

Chris, unsurprisingly, does not want to be the breadwinner. He wants her to be. And normally, I'd have no problem with that, except that Chris is obviously not doing it out of [[Women's Rights|feminism]] but out of laze.

What he doesn't know is that being the homemaker is actually a tremendous amount of work. You've got to (or so I have read) keep the house clean, feed and clean the kids, do the shopping, and all that mess. It'd be like all those chores he (allegedly) does now, except: 
1)He'd be held to a higher standard, because no hard-working journalist wants to come home to a house that looks like Nick Nolte and Edward Hyde had an all-night bender the evening before. 
2) He'd have to feed and change the diapers of a pair of essentially helpless creatures, rather than just [[Barb|letting them slowly turn into an ooze on the sofa]] or [[Bob|reveal Klan membership over the phone]]. 
3)Crystal is about 4. There's no way she'd be any help around the house or keeping Reginald quiet. 
4)The parent in charge of raising the kids gets no sleep and no time off from work, because their boss is always right there, screaming and crapping.

Through Reginald, Chris gives some token attention to the fact that child-rearing can be charitably described as "a handful", but it's pretty clear he expects it to be a cakewalk. I think I know why: Chris watches a lot of TV, and gets all his knowledge of married life from there. Especially on the older sitcoms, homemaking is often portrayed as essentially easy, because these shows were either before the Second Wave of Feminism and didn't know any better, or they were deliberate reactions to it and insidiously trying to make housewifery look easy just so women would want to stay in it.

Chris can't keep his house clean and he's [[Game_place#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|no good with kids]], so he'd make a terrible house-husband, but since he thinks it's easier than getting an outside job, tha's what he wants to do.

User:Manwithoutabody/Second Soliloquy

2010-12-16T01:33:40Z

Manwithoutabody:

You can read more of my babbling over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord,_I_Was_Born_a_Ramblin'_Man| here]].

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, an then it was on my first rambling, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Boulder-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy.

===Why ''Sonichu'' Stands Out as Particularly Awful===
Issue 2 was where it all got fascinating.

Sure, 0 and 1 were terrible, but they were blandly terrible. I'm sure you could find a million dumbasses on the internet with equally inane and stupid fancomics. I think that's what SonichuIzCool, poor soul that she is, liked. Back then, it was just low quality adventures with terrible characters. She probably liked it just because she liked Sonic and Pikachu, and, like Chris, lacked the ability to judge a work by its quality rather than its premise. Sure, it got worse, but in both their minds, it remained the relatively innocent thing it was at first. Unlike Chris, though, that poor girl (as far as I can tell from what little is known about her) isn't a bad person.

It was with Sonichu 2 that Chris's terrible personality finally began to take over the comic. 1 and 0 were a cliche storm, but they kept Chris's awful, self-justifying personality limited to the Sub-Episodes. Chris was a recurring guest character in his own comic, which, in and of itself, isn't too bad (whiny though his segments were). With Issue 2, it became all about him, and that's when it became the single worst webcomic in known history.

One of Chris's many problems is that, due to his lack of imagination and general laze, he never writes anything that is just ''Sonichu''. At least, not since Issues 0 and 1, which were very cliche-ridden and uncreative. What I mean by this is that not once do Sonichu and friends have any adventures that are only there to entertain. They don't travel to a strange new country to help the locals thwart Count Graduon's invasion. They don't track down the Sonichu Crystals (or balls, or whatever). They don't have to deal with a monster of the week.

Sonichu 3 introduced the Chaotic Combo, but none of them really ''did'' anything. Sure, they had their whole "dating education" bit in ''Sonichu 9'', but that was hardly the sort of high-flying adventure Chris clearly wants the comic to be. Their introduction was a way of stalling; Sonichu can't go on epic adventures yet because we haven't introduced all the characters! After they were introduced, Chris lost interest in them, so Issue 4 was all about him again.

From what I gather, Chris intended the comic to be akin to a Saturday morning cartoon, and such shows - regardless of their quality - consist primarily of what is technically filler. There will be many episodes that have no real impact on any plot arcs and only exist to fill up space and entertain the audience. They may still be excellent episodes (I will admit that "Vincent and the Doctor", despite adding very little to the ongoing plot arc of ''Doctor Who'', still made me cry a little). Almost any given episode of ''Pokemon'' will (or at least, this was the case when I was watching it) have the following plot:
1.Ash and friends go to a place where people and Pokemon are interacting in an idiosyncratic way (dealing with a Diglet pest problem, making perfume with help from Grass types, farming Ponyta, going on safari to watch Kangaskhan, etc.) 
2.Team Rocket arrive, deliver their introductory speech, create problems 
3.Ash and friends defeat Team Rocket 
4.The people Ash helped thank him by waving at him a lot as he leaves with his friends

That's not artistic brilliance, but it's professional. It's clear that the writers, animators, and actors want to get paid, and they're giving the fans what they want, and that's fine. It's pulp, with a fairly young target audience, so you can't expect too much from it. Maybe once in a while, they'd do an episode that was really personally important to them (like that ''Digimon'' episode with the out-of-nowhere ''Shadow Over Innsmouth'' homages) and leave all the fans scratching their heads and alienated. That's not professional; that's personal, and they're taking a big risk by doing that. If they want to keep being, first and foremost, pulp, then they'd better do it very infrequently.

Starting with Issue 2, ''Sonichu'' does this all the time. We're given some standard goals for the characters (save Crystal, get the Sonichu Crystals, defeat Graduon, save Zelina from Clawdorf), but nobody, least of all Chris, puts any effort into them.

Partly, this is because it's an amateur comic. Chris makes no money on it, so he doesn't need to give the fans what they want, and can just do whatever ''he'' wants. Because Chris lacks the discipline to create filler adventures for his characters, the most he can do is repeatedly assure us that Sonichu and friends are superheroes, but we don't really get to see any real evidence of this. In Chris's mind, they're frequently off fighting villains who aren't personally important to him. Villains like Robotnik, Giovanni, Metal Sonichu, and even (at first) Blake and Reldnahc. Notice anything these guys all have in common, besides being monstrously unoriginal? They all either vanished altogether from the comic or else had their personalities greatly retooled. That's because Chris doesn't care about them. Even Count Graduon, who was supposed to be the main villain of the series, has more or less disappeared. Mary Lee Walsh, formerly another primary villain, was finally defeated with ridiculous ease, while most of the issue was focused on torturing and demeaning four characters who had never appeared in the comic before but in real life had annoyed Chris.

He doesn't really enjoy writing these adventures anywhere near as much as he enjoys making personal attacks on his enemies. Seriously, when was the last time a villain appeared who ''wasn't'' based on a troll?

Even when Chris ''was'' writing the comic, he didn't really care about it. If he did, he would have created villains and adventures that he found appealing enough to write but ''weren't'' just recreations of his own life and his own problems.

Another problem is the wildly inconsistent tone. Because the comic is controlled by the whims of a deranged manchild, it's only about whatever is on his mind at the moment, and because it's updated so infrequently, this can vary tremendously between pages. It's supposed to be a ''Pokemon''/''Sonic''-esque adventure series, but there are no real adventures anymore. Sometimes it's pseudo-romantic ("The Genesis of the Lovehogs"), and sometimes it's a bawdy comedy about a guy who can't get any (those few moments when Chris is able to laugh at himself, although they're still not funny), and sometimes porn and sometimes it's torture porn. Chris can't come up with a "status quo" for his comic (a la ''The Simpsons'', where almost nothing ever changes), but he can't stick with any major plot arcs either (a la ''The Prisoner'', where if you miss a single episode you're lost, but then, you're probably lost anyway).

This is why he's always giving us "previews" of upcoming developments in ''Sonichu'', like the [[Giant Penis Comic]]. He wants to skip ahead to the parts that personally interest his id, and leave the rest of it for us to fill in. When there's no particular message he ''really'' needs to get out, he doesn't just write filler like most people do. He writes nothing whatever.

''Sonichu'' was once a derivative and generically crappy fancomic, but now, it's Chris's default way of lashing out at his enemies, and nothing else. It's gotten to the point where he never updates for any reason other than that.

===Why does Chris want to be a house-husband?===
I'm going to assume you've seen [[PlayingHouse]] in this one. If you haven't, go watch it now, because it's ebsolutely fescinatung, like a warwilf. So anyway, in Chris' idyllic vision of married life with Jackie, she's a highly-paid journalist and he's a house-husband. Let's set aside the improbability that a woman as successful and attractive as her (in the picture, anyway) would ever want to be with a dretch like him and instead focus on their living arrangement. Why doesn't he portray himself as the rockstar creator of of a multimillion dollar cartoon franchise?

Partly because, for now, he's basically abandoned Sonichu. He's said he hopes to do it all his life, but it's clearly just an attention ploy in the hope of picking up girls. Once married, there's no way he'd continue it.

Chris, unsurprisingly, does not want to be the breadwinner. He wants her to be. And normally, I'd have no problem with that, except that Chris is obviously not doing it out of [[Women's Rights|feminism]] but out of laze.

What he doesn't know is that being the homemaker is actually a tremendous amount of work. You've got to (or so I have read) keep the house clean, feed and clean the kids, do the shopping, and all that mess. It'd be like all those chores he (allegedly) does now, except: 
1)He'd be held to a higher standard, because no hard-working journalist wants to come home to a house that looks like Nick Nolte and Edward Hyde had an all-night bender the evening before. 
2) He'd have to feed and change the diapers of a pair of essentially helpless creatures, rather than just [[Barb|letting them slowly turn into an ooze on the sofa]] or [[Bob|reveal Klan membership over the phone]]. 
3)Crystal is about 4. There's no way she'd be any help around the house or keeping Reginald quiet. 
4)The parent in charge of raising the kids gets no sleep and no time off from work, because their boss is always right there, screaming and crapping.

Through Reginald, Chris gives some token attention to the fact that child-rearing can be charitably described as "a handful", but it's pretty clear he expects it to be a cakewalk. I think I know why: Chris watches a lot of TV, and gets all his knowledge of married life from there. Especially on the older sitcoms, homemaking is often portrayed as essentially easy, because these shows were either before the Second Wave of Feminism and didn't know any better, or they were deliberate reactions to it and insidiously trying to make housewifery look easy just so women would want to stay in it.

Chris can't keep his house clean and he's [[Game_place#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|no good with kids]], so he'd make a terrible house-husband, but since he thinks it's easier than getting an outside job, tha's what he wants to do.

Chris and reality

2010-12-03T15:53:08Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris, being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}
{{quote|WHAT THEY AREN'T REAL WHAT ARE YOU DELUSIONAL|[[Clyde Cash]]'s reasonable response to the above.}}
'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. Quite a bit of his sketchy world-view can be attributed to his [[autism]], as people with autism generally have troubles with distinguishing reality and fantasy, and therefore have a harder time with being critical towards and distancing themselves from events and ideas depicted in any fictional media, be it books, films, cartoons or video games. Because of these difficulties, autistics are also easier to manipulate and deceive, especially by sources they trust, like [[Bob|their]] [[Barb|parents]] and the [[TV]], and are as a result very impressionable when it comes to commercials and [[100 2178|conspiracy theories]].

However, it is not completely out of left field to assume that a lot of Chris's problems with accepting reality stem from his tendency to deny facts and quickly retreat into his realm of fantasy. He does that to avoid [[stress]] when faced with the realization that he has been defeated, cheated or outwitted, as these instances are usually a result of his own stupidity or stubbornness, flaws which Chris will never admit to possessing.

==Fantasy and fiction==
[[CWCville]] is the name of the idyllic fantasy world of Chris's imagination. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its Mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
Chris believes that CWCville, as all other products of his imagination, actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World," where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'']] as a model. Chris considers anyone who does not accept this thinking "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref> Chris has claimed to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE." <ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others too [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] to comprehend this idea. Chris's main reason for defending this belief probably stems from having accomplished and produced virtually nothing worthwhile in his life, and he therefore likes to pretend that he has made a positive impact on something, if only on a metaphysical level.

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way a Christian might consider God to be their father. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. This is how various events (both major and minor) such as Sonichu and Rosechu's wedding, the birth of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their children]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today Sonichu Page on CWCipedia</ref> [[Kel]]'s romance with [[Naitsirhc]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc ibid.</ref> and even [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]]'s wedding<ref>I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.286:02_to_9:34.29 I Am The TRUE, ORIGINAL CCWC</ref> are said to actually happen "off-screen", instead of just being a [[Chris and Writing|spur-of-the-moment introduction of a throwaway plot element]] that Chris is [[stress|too lazy to depict]]. Without prior explanation, Chris makes a "spoiler" in his own comic that [[Magi-Chan]] will eventually get together with [[Silvana]], implying that in Chris's head that this already "happened".<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_37 Issue 10 Page 37</ref> It is [[Slaweel Ryam]], not Chris, who apologizes for slandering [[Mary Lee Walsh]].<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>

Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville is canon, and feels it necessary to explain away undesirable changes to CWCville made as a result of outside influences (e.g. [[BILLY MAYS]] as Mayor). The fact that he needs to explain this in his comic pages shows that he assumes everyone else shares this belief as well. Despite being protective of his own work, he [[Chris and hypocrisy|forces others]] to accept the "corrections" he has made to their work.

==Real Life==
Chris has a tendency to [[Father Call|exaggerate]] estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight emails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] toward his favor, such his exaggeration of a [[11042009 51 50|12-pack of canned lemonade for 50 lbs]]. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Dyscalculia|dyscalculia]], which is common with [[autism]], where the sufferer has no comprehension of time, measurement, or spatial reasoning. But this tendency seems to suggest not mere ignorance, but Chris's perception that the limits of his physical potential are inherently impressive to others.

Where objective reality conflicts with them, Chris expects his self-favoring opinions to be accepted by others as the truth.

When asked by [[Evan]] to remove [[Simonla]] from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character [[Simonchu]] and thus effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying Simonla was ever inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this new version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with Asperger's syndrome "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine Autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "Fact" is only his "own idea," Chris sees accepting the truth to the contrary as "conform[ing] to blasphem[y]."<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref>

Chris also seems completely unaware of what current technology is and is not capable of. In his [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu article] on the [[CWCipedia]], he talks about his status as the Cwcville [[Pokémon]] gym leader, then goes on to suggest that Nintendo pour their resources into developing a Poké Ball peripheral that would have slots for every generation of Pokémon games, including a slot for the Gamecube memory card. He expects this peripheral to be able to read party data from the inserted game/memory card, display a holographic image of the Pokémon in play, and be used to challenge people in real life who own the same peripheral (in a manner much like on ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'').

During a 2004 confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Chris began to converse with thin air, pretending that Sonichu was in the office with him. At one point, Chris began to pretend that he ''was'' Sonichu and started giving a speech that he said that "Sonichu" wanted to give to Mary, which explains why Mary ordered him to see a psychiatrist. Chris also, usually before crashing into slumber, pretends to converse with Sonichu and Rosechu, at one point claiming that the pair offered him relationship advice.{{cite}} Whether or not he converses with the other characters is unknown at the moment.

Chris is also prone to interpreting various forms of media in his own autistic way. During his attempt to put up his own ads on the CWCipedia, he claimed that the award-winning film ''[[Wikipedia:Avatar (film)|Avatar]]'' was meant to promote the eradication of homosexuality rather than the tolerance of other cultures.{{cite}} Where he got this idea is a mystery, as homosexuality is not once mentioned in the film. His fear of homosexuals destroying the future, incidentally, emerged from an episode of ''[[South Park]]'' called "[[Wikipedia:Goobacks|Goobacks]]", which was a satire on the controversy of illegal immigration. In the episode, a group of rednecks who had lost their jobs to the illegal immigrants from the future decided that the best way to get their jobs back was to destroy the future by making everyone gay so there wouldn't be anybody in the future. Chris, however, took everything at face value and interpreted the episode as a scare film on par with ''[[Wikipedia:Red Dawn|Red Dawn]]''. And of course, Chris is convinced that ''[[Family Guy]]'' is made by the staunchest, most religious Republican in the world, when in reality it's made by a liberal atheist.

Chris rarely understands any moral dispensed by television. When he does take one, it's because he's decided that it can be used to justify whatever tomfoolery he's been up to. Unsurprisingly, Chris often misses the original point completely. For example, while attempting to justify his attempt to pretend to be [[Liquid]] in an attempt to steal his girlfriend, he claimed that he was "Wrong, but for the right reasons."{{cite}} This comes from another episode of ''South Park'' called "[[Wikipedia:Best Friends Forever|Best Friends Forever]]", where, after a satire of the [[Wikipedia:Terri Schiavo|Terri Schiavo]] controversy, it is stated that Cartman was "Right, but for the wrong reasons". In context, it meant that his goal of shutting down the vegetative Kenny's life support was the right thing to do (for reasons involving the fate of the universe that are too complex to explain here), but his motivation was completely off mark: he only did it because he knew that Kenny's death would cause him to inherit his [[PSP]]. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle were "Wrong, but for the right reasons", as they wanted to keep Kenny alive in a perpetual vegetative state even though they should just let him die, but they were doing so because they actually cared about Kenny, rather than exploiting the situation for their own benefit like Cartman was. Chris seems to have interpreted this as "If you do a bunch of bad things, like pretending to be someone else in order to steal their girlfriend, you are completely justified in doing so if your dishonest actions lead to a positive outcome, like proving that you are the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler and getting laid".

==Chris and magic==
{{See also|Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|l1=Chris the Shaman}}

Through Chris's perception of [[God]] as an implement of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune on the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse [[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]] on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref><ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref><ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred personal relic of the day — either the [[Medallion of Fail]] or [[Amnyfest Ring]].

Chris also appears to believe that he can [[Sarah May Skype Logs|talk to dead people]], to an extent. He told [[Sarah May]] that when he touched his dead [[Aunt Corrina]]'s hand, he could hear her spirit, along with the spirits of his grandparents and great-grandparents. He also claimed that [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] also told him to "make the trip and go to Julie." It's unclear at this point whether these visions are the result of his mental problems, or just an excuse for him to do want he wants to do by justifying his actions as the result of supernatural phenomenon.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied:
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at [[PVCC]] went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[Wikipedia:Common Cold|life-threatening ailment.]]|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This belief gives Chris the some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an immature defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his ego. Chris believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake.

Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor.<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> Anyone who hinders Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "[[Virginia is for Virgins|make true love illegal]]," either in Virginia or nation-wide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

Chris's tendencies towards these sorts of thoughts may spiral back to two people: [[Bob Chandler|Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. A phone call between his parents and [[Matthew Noble call|a GAMe PLACe employee]] revealed a number of things, most importantly that they believe Chris's entire trolling began as a conspiracy between [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]] and a number of potential homosexuals to "terrorize", "torment", and "persecute" Chris for being autistic, going so far as to believe they broke into Chris's credit card account and tried to ruin his credit.

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Amanda

2010-11-23T15:10:02Z

Manwithoutabody:

'''Amanda''' is [[manajerk]] who works in the [[Coffee Place|Burger King]] in [[Ruckersville]].
She is mean to [[Chris]] and [[Bob]], probably for entirely valid reasons, so the two of them decided to try to trick the [[CWCki]] into trolling her and making misogynistic comments about her. It didn't really work, mostly because Chris didn't really do anything after telling us about her. As far as we can tell, Amanda herself is a pretty cool lady who makes coffee and doesn't afraid of anything.
{{stub}}

DivineTrial

2010-11-15T14:03:21Z

Manwithoutabody:

'''DivineTrial''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris dresses up as Divine, the famous [[Muscle_bra|crossdressing]] actor who played Babs in the 1972 cult film [[Wikipedia:Pink Flamingos|''Pink Flamingos'']], and then re-enacts the trial scene from the movie with [[Clyde Cash]] as the culprit. What Chris doesn't know is that when a case is dismissed, the defendant cannot be sentenced, as here.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DivineTrial
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QAvNrc1A9VI}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| previous = [[DrainedCreativity]]
| next = [[JuggaloShoutOut]]
}}

===Transcript===

[''Chris stands in front of the camera wearing clown makeup, his shirt stuffed with his [[plush breasts]] and a red sheet of construction paper covering his crotch.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, folks, and darlings, this is Divine Babs y'know... We are going to go on a trial now fo- to go against... our culprit, here- mister Clyde Cash... Say hello to the audience, Clyde.

[''Chris holds up a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll supposed to represent Clyde.'']

'''Clyde:''' ''*mumbling noises*''

'''Chris:''' Ay, ain't got much to say, huh? Well, that's a shame. Clyde, now, you spoke to me on live Internet before the trial here was started.

'''Clyde:''' ''*mumbling noises*''

'''Chris:''' He stands accused of... being a [[troll]], a bully, and especially doing all these things against one Christian Weston Chandler and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Sonichu and Rosechu family]]... We bring in a witness here today... a which we will put that against Mr. Clyde Cash here... He's a witness- oh- s- Sonichu, I mean the original one...

[''Chris holds up a Pikachu doll, modified to resemble Sonichu.'']

'''Chris:''' All right, Sonichu... do you swear to speak the whole truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... so help you God?

'''Sonichu:''' I do.

'''Chris:''' Alright, then will you please... point out the guilty party of this room that has... done all the trollings and dwollings and all that... and even personal... threatening and what not against Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?

'''Sonichu:''' Yes, [[Wikipedia:Divine (actor)|Divine]]. He's right over there! Mr. Clyde Cash!

'''Chris:''' Thank you, that'll be all, you c- may step down from the witness stand... Alright, then we will now have order in the court, order in the court! [''Bangs the table with a coffee cup''] I have reviewed all the case files and what not... and in this [[Sonichu 10|kangaroo court]] justice... I hearby... pronounce sentence to Mr. Clyde Cash... he is gulity of all charges! And then- and... on the lawsuit here... for his punishment... he will be shot to death... and his wi- and [[PandaHalo|his wife]] and one-cent daughter... [[Women's rights|will go to a better husband...]] outside of his family... one will be provided for her by law... somebody within her local reach, but not within the state of [[Virginia]].

'''Chris:''' But anyway, the punishment is death for Mr. Clyde Cash... For doing so many wrongs against Mr. Christian Weston Chandler... Case dismissed! [''Bangs the table with his coffee cup again'']

'''Chris:''' Are you ready for your execution, Mr. Clyde Cash?

'''Clyde:''' ''*mumbling noises*'' [[Image:Chris_is_phoenix_wright.jpg|thumb|Well, at least my face ain't fucking orange!]]

'''Chris:''' [[Random Access Humor|Well, at least my face ain't fucking orange!]] Buh-bye.
[''Chris pulls out his [[Megatron pistol]] and shoots Clyde.'']

'''Chris:''' And that was another fine episode of Divine's people court. You all enjoy- you all have yourselves a good day... and remember, Divine is... the filthiest, dirtiest person in the world... Even though I've temporarily dyed my hair brown... It's usually blonde.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DrainedCreativity]]|nextlink=[[JuggaloShoutOut]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Toucher and Rich Segment

2010-11-05T20:57:38Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:BaronHarkonnen.jpg|thumb|Chris in "the David Lynch movie of your nightmares."]]

[[For My Sweetest Ivy|One]] of [[Chris]]'s videos was the focus of a segment of '''Toucher and Rich''', a Boston-area radio show, that aired on 12 [[May 2009]]. This is one of the rare discussions of Chris in the mainstream and not by obsessives on the Internet. There are some details that the hosts of the show get wrong, like the apparent confusion of [[Ivy]] with [[Megan]], but this is understandable given that their knowledge of him is mostly second-hand.

Notice that no matter how much the hosts try to warp Chris's voice, the original is still the most disturbing.

==The video==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|NU5uMZU2CP0}}</center>
<center>{{#ev:youtube|e5a7HN0pa0w}}</center>

==Transcript==
'''Toucher:''' Sometimes you don't realize how big something's getting on the internet. We are Toucher and Rich -- Rich Shertenlieb, Crash Clark, Adolfo Gonzalez. My name is Fred Toettcher. Two ways to get involved with the show. Please feel free to instant feedback -- go to WBCN.com and click on "Instant Feedback," or give us a call at 617-931-1041 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 617-931-1041 end_of_the_skype_highlighting. Here is the deal: we got sent a e-mail from a guy who said, "Look at, this is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a really long time. What the F is up with this guy?" And he was the guy, do you have "I Got A Fish?"

'''Rich:''' I got it right here, yeah. [''Plays clip from "[[I Got A Fish]]:"'']

:'''Chris:''' I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish? 

'''Toucher:''' And he is a grown man who is standing in a [[Chris's room|room full of toys]], and he is saying things, uh, this is him describing, do you have the description of what he likes, the spanking, he's kind of describing--

'''Rich:''' Oh no, I don't have that. Do, do some of it.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, basically he's describing how he likes, uh, there's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|pictures of him]] that have been leaked on the internet wearing [[Butt garments|adult diapers]], uh, he likes being spanked, and that's because [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009|that's what adults do]]. Adults like feeling pleasure, uh, out of pain.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, he is a disturbing young man. And I've been sent since then a bunch of links about this guy. And you know what, I don't remember his name and I don't care to; you'll be able to find him, don't worry about it. [''Laughs''] But, uh, he's got a million videos up on the internet, and he also apparently has a comic book that he draws and puts up on the internet--

'''Rich:''' Oh boy.

'''Toucher:''' --which is, I don't even want to get into, but which I, which I, from what I, if what I read is true, it's [[Sonichu 10|horribly disturbing]]. So anyway, he's kind of this manchild, he, uh, wears glasses, he looks a little bit like, for lack of a better description, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, almost? Like if he was playing a deranged guy. [''Laughs'']

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs.''] Right.

'''Toucher:''' Alright. So anyway, so from what I've read, there's a whole big, like, there's something that's, uh, that's like Wipi-Wikipedia, but it's like "[[ED|Crapipedia]]" or something? [''Rich laughs.''] There's this big page about this guy, and I don't know if it's true or not, but they reference that [[JERKS|he hates all men]] because they, uh, have all the girls, all the girls he meets have girlfriends[sic], but there was one girl that he was friends with, that he fell madly in love with, and I guess that this is a, uh, an ode to her.

'''Rich:''' It is. Now, in this video, unlike in the other one where he's just sitting down wearing his, like, flannel shirt, like, looking at the camera, he is standing up, he's extremely excited, you can tell because he's kind of bobbling from side to side, and he's wearing his normal outfit except on top of it a blazer. 'Cause he wants to look proper.

'''Toucher:''' And he is nonchalantly holding his, uh, remote control. He always has a video game remote control on him. And once again, in his bedroom, with the toys and drawings and the cartoons.

'''Rich:''' And here you go.

'''Toucher:''' He's obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, too, from what I've read. And if I failed to mention it yet, he's probably close to forty. [''Plays clip from "[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]"'']

:'''Chris:''' Hey Ivy! I'm doing this video for yoooou. Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together! Hmmm!

'''Toucher:''' Yeah right, dude! [''Rich laughs.''] Dude, dude, dude, enjoy, put the Nightmare Machine on, ladies and gentlemen. [''Plays a clip from "Goodbye Horses," alluding to the Buffalo Bill dance scene in'' The Silence of the Lambs.] I hope that you're not half-asleep with the snooze button listening to this guy, 'cause, welcome to the David Lynch movie of your nightmares!

'''Rich:''' If I saw this in a David Lynch movie, I would say, like, "Alright, David Lynch is trying way too hard. Now he's like, making up stuff, that, this is too weird." [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' You know, my mommy and I--my, my family and I will come and meet you at the airport. And you know, your choice so--take you to your hotel or, uh, bring you back to...my house, hmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Ooh. These little-- [''Replays and imitates Chris's whimper and laughs, then plays the "Goodbye Horses" clip again, adding Chris saying "Back to... my house" and "My mommy and I" with his voice digitally lowered.'']

'''Rich(?):''' "My mommy and me..." [''Plays stinger music'']

'''Toucher:''' Even when adult women say "mommy" it's freaky--

'''Rich:''' [''Laughing''] I know.

'''Toucher:''' --let alone an adult man talking to somebody he, uh, obviously wants a relationship with. Ai-yai-yai. I hope you've had that cup of coffee, ladies and gentlemen, because [''Laughs''] it only gets worse. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' I mean, uh, you know, we'd be hanging around so much and sharing so many fondful memories. Hmm. And you know, I few--I know a few good places in Charlottesville, you know, I think it's, you know, I'll take you there, we'll get some good things to eeeeeat, and we’ll hang ooouut. We’ll have so much fun. I know a place that serves some great smoothies. And you know, we can enjoy a movie in the theater, or in--at home, or watch a television rerun. Family Guy! Heh.

'''Toucher:''' "Family Guy!" [''They laugh and play the stinger music again.''] Tony, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Tony:''' Oh my God, two hundred years ago, this guy would have been ostracized out of a village or a town or something like that. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.''] I mean, he ''really'' needs to be around normal humans.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I guess there are videos, I've been told, where [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview|his ''mother'' appears]], like--

'''Rich:''' No!

'''Toucher:''' --comes into the room while he's filming 'em.

'''Rich:''' Oh man.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I mean, there's a, you could spend a good, uh, horrifying evening, [''Rich laughs''] if you wanted to go, like, out to the old haunted house and play these things, you could probably do it for a couple of hours. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Family Guy! Or, uh, I Love Lucy or I got some—I got the entire series of Gilligan's Island, hmmm. Hoo-hoo! Hmm, and we can make some music together on Guitar Hero. Hmmm. Well, you can sing, I got a microphone. I'm thinking about getting drums. [''Makes a drum sound.''] Hm, yeah. And you know, I will see you in the--I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together.

'''Toucher:''' Aaaauugghhaaaaoooo! [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again''] I'm going to guess it never happened. [''Rich laughs.''] I'm going to guess that the lady saw this video and maybe thought-- [''Replays clip of Chris saying, "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Rich:''' Oough.

'''Toucher:''' Alan, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Alan:''' Hey, guys, hey!

'''Toucher and Rich:''' Hey!

'''Alan:''' Um, make sure you save that videotape; the FBI will want it for evidence.

'''Toucher:''' I have a feeling that, if all this is real, that, uh, there are several organizations that are just keeping an eye on the, uh, the doings of this gentleman.

'''Rich:''' Yeah, the creepiest thing is that he, first of all, he talks like a little kid, like, "my mommy," and then in his first video, he was saying, because that's what adults do sometimes, like he's talking and addressing children.

'''Toucher:''' But I g--, this woman is an adult from what I've read, that he's addressing.

'''Rich:''' Oh, oh, maybe, maybe it is, maybe it is, but the other videos that he's made, it just seems like--

'''Toucher:''' He's very child-like and maybe he was relating to someone on a child-like level.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' That is a, that is an assumption. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll, I'll do my best to pleasure you and keep you satisfied, my sweetest Ivy, just for you. Just for you! Hmmm! 

[''Rich laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Who did you save all this skin for? [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again, adding Chris saying "Just for you!" three times, with the first iteration digitally lowered.''] Why is this dog-cage all set up? [''Repeats digitally-lowered "Just for you!" and adds the "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Toucher:''' I mean, you don't even have to play it slow, you don't have to do anything, this is like a night-- I've never gone through the whole video, it's, it's so disturbing to me. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' I know a number of good positions and massages, hmm. Hmmm. And, you know, I know a number, uh, places we could walk around at, you know. We could walk about the mall!

'''Toucher:''' Ooh!

:'''Chris:''' We could walk about the UVA grounds! Good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight. Hmmmm, so, you know, wonderful memories! Wonderful memories! We're gonna have lots of fun. And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always. Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. [''Sound of disgust from one of the hosts''] I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch! Hmmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Oulbggh!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs''] Oh yeah!

'''Crash:''' It's making chills!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs''] I know!

'''Crash:''' The chil-- he's a witch! [''Replays a slowed-down "Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch!" and adds "Just for you!" and a slowed-down "Look at me smile" at the end.'']

'''Toucher:''' [''Laughing''] "Look at me smile!" [''Replays "I know a number of good positions and massages."''] Ohhhh. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, look at me smile, hmm. It's a nice smile. Because I love you, Ivy! I love you so much. I ran out of details. I don't know. I guess I'll sing you a song.

'''Toucher:''' No!

:'''Chris:''' It's a jolly ‘oliday With Ivy Ivy makes my heart so light When the skies are grey And ordinary Ivy makes the sun shine bright. It's a jolly holiday with Ivy No wonder that it's Ivy that I love. I love you so much Ivy. I love you! I love youuu. [''Blows a kiss to the camera.''] Talk to you later, sweetheart. And also to your father the policeman, I salute him with my Cub Scout salute.

'''Toucher:''' Ohhhhhhh ohh. [''Rich laughs.''] [''Plays circus music to "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together," "Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together!" and "Just for you!"'']

'''Toucher:''' I'm just hoping that they wouldn't let this guy on an airplane. Laura, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Laura:''' Thanks a lot for making me have a new really colorful character for my nightmares. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.'']

'''Toucher:''' E-especially for a woman.

'''Laura:''' I'm just gonna sleep with the light on for the rest of my life, now.

'''Toucher:''' Yes, indeed!

'''Laura:''' Oh my God!

'''Toucher:''' We should make a, we should make tapes of these specifically for certain people, just replace "Ivy" with "Laura"-- [''Replays "We can make some music together on Guitar Hero" and "And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always." while everyone laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Well, Rich is obviously from a conservative Catholic family and, uh, something happened over the weekend that maybe made them think he was a little bit of a psycho.

[''Segment ends.'']

==Chris's Response==
Troll goddess [[Vivian Gee]] saw fit to inform Chris about his radio presence via E-mail. Needless to say, Chris was less than receptive.
{{Email|<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5a7HN0pa0w&feature=related</nowiki>

This was part of a radio show from a few months ago. It resurfaced recently and I had a listen.

If you wonder why this applies to you: skip to 7:00.

A woman comments about how YOU will be part of her nightmares now.

This is what normal people, not trolls, think of you. If you really think it's just trolls who have formed a bad opinion of you, think again. Just letting you know.}}
{{EmailReply|
Well, I never asked for a reputation.‏

This WHOLE WORLD is becoming autistic by gluing ALL of their attention
to computers, internet and all that. I am a REAL LIFE MAN, and while I
do not appreciate or care much of the "reputation" that has been made
against me on the crappy internet, the TRUE Reputation I would call my
own is in REAL LIFE and from ACTUALLY HANGING OUT WITH ME IN PERSON.

Feel Free to Spread this Quote from me, "If you REALLY want to make a
Reputation Of Me, then Hang Out With Me In Real Life. Quit hiding
behind your F***ing Computers and "Anonymous" Bu**S***."

Nobody is Perfect. But I AM a Good Person, and I do not have to be
recorded to prove it.

Peace,
Christian.}}

Needless to say, the quote Chris manufactured for himself wasn't spread.

==See Also==

[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]

==External Links==
*[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 Listen to the broadcast]

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

Toucher and Rich Segment

2010-11-05T20:48:31Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:BaronHarkonnen.jpg|thumb|Chris in "the David Lynch movie of your nightmares."]]

[[For My Sweetest Ivy|One]] of [[Chris]]'s videos was the focus of a segment of '''Toucher and Rich''', a Boston-area radio show, that aired on 12 [[May 2009]]. This is one of the rare discussions of Chris in the mainstream and not by obsessives on the Internet. There are some details that the hosts of the show get wrong, like the apparent confusion of [[Ivy]] with [[Megan]], but this is understandable given that their knowledge of him is mostly second-hand.

Notice that no matter how much the hosts try to warp Chris's voice, the original is still the most disturbing.

==The video==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|NU5uMZU2CP0}}</center>
<center>{{#ev:youtube|e5a7HN0pa0w}}</center>

==Transcript==
'''Toucher:''' Sometimes you don't realize how big something's getting on the internet. We are Toucher and Rich -- Rich Shertenlieb, Crash Clark, Adolfo Gonzalez. My name is Fred Toettcher. Two ways to get involved with the show. Please feel free to instant feedback -- go to WBCN.com and click on "Instant Feedback," or give us a call at 617-931-1041 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 617-931-1041 end_of_the_skype_highlighting -- 617-931-1041. Here is the deal: we got sent a e-mail from a guy who said, "Look at, this is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a really long time. What the F is up with this guy?" And he was the guy, do you have "I Got A Fish?"

'''Rich:''' I got it right here, yeah. [''Plays clip from "[[I Got A Fish]]:"'']

:'''Chris:''' I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish? 

'''Toucher:''' And he is a grown man who is standing in a [[Chris's room|room full of toys]], and he is saying things, uh, this is him describing, do you have the description of what he likes, the spanking, he's kind of describing--

'''Rich:''' Oh no, I don't have that. Do, do some of it.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, basically he's describing how he likes, uh, there's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|pictures of him]] that have been leaked on the internet wearing [[Butt garments|adult diapers]], uh, he likes being spanked, and that's because [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009|that's what adults do]]. Adults like feeling pleasure, uh, out of pain.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, he is a disturbing young man. And I've been sent since then a bunch of links about this guy. And you know what, I don't remember his name and I don't care to; you'll be able to find him, don't worry about it. [''Laughs''] But, uh, he's got a million videos up on the internet, and he also apparently has a comic book that he draws and puts up on the internet--

'''Rich:''' Oh boy.

'''Toucher:''' --which is, I don't even want to get into, but which I, which I, from what I, if what I read is true, it's [[Sonichu 10|horribly disturbing]]. So anyway, he's kind of this manchild, he, uh, wears glasses, he looks a little bit like, for lack of a better description, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, almost? Like if he was playing a deranged guy. [''Laughs'']

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs.''] Right.

'''Toucher:''' Alright. So anyway, so from what I've read, there's a whole big, like, there's something that's, uh, that's like Wipi-Wikipedia, but it's like "[[ED|Crapipedia]]" or something? [''Rich laughs.''] There's this big page about this guy, and I don't know if it's true or not, but they reference that [[JERKS|he hates all men]] because they, uh, have all the girls, all the girls he meets have girlfriends[sic], but there was one girl that he was friends with, that he fell madly in love with, and I guess that this is a, uh, an ode to her.

'''Rich:''' It is. Now, in this video, unlike in the other one where he's just sitting down wearing his, like, flannel shirt, like, looking at the camera, he is standing up, he's extremely excited, you can tell because he's kind of bobbling from side to side, and he's wearing his normal outfit except on top of it a blazer. 'Cause he wants to look proper.

'''Toucher:''' And he is nonchalantly holding his, uh, remote control. He always has a video game remote control on him. And once again, in his bedroom, with the toys and drawings and the cartoons.

'''Rich:''' And here you go.

'''Toucher:''' He's obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, too, from what I've read. And if I failed to mention it yet, he's probably close to forty. [''Plays clip from "[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]"'']

:'''Chris:''' Hey Ivy! I'm doing this video for yoooou. Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together! Hmmm!

'''Toucher:''' Yeah right, dude! [''Rich laughs.''] Dude, dude, dude, enjoy, put the Nightmare Machine on, ladies and gentlemen. [''Plays a clip from "Goodbye Horses," alluding to the Buffalo Bill dance scene in'' The Silence of the Lambs.] I hope that you're not half-asleep with the snooze button listening to this guy, 'cause, welcome to the David Lynch movie of your nightmares!

'''Rich:''' If I saw this in a David Lynch movie, I would say, like, "Alright, David Lynch is trying way too hard. Now he's like, making up stuff, that, this is too weird." [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' You know, my mommy and I--my, my family and I will come and meet you at the airport. And you know, your choice so--take you to your hotel or, uh, bring you back to...my house, hmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Ooh. These little-- [''Replays and imitates Chris's whimper and laughs, then plays the "Goodbye Horses" clip again, adding Chris saying "Back to... my house" and "My mommy and I" with his voice digitally lowered.'']

'''Rich(?):''' "My mommy and me..." [''Plays stinger music'']

'''Toucher:''' Even when adult women say "mommy" it's freaky--

'''Rich:''' [''Laughing''] I know.

'''Toucher:''' --let alone an adult man talking to somebody he, uh, obviously wants a relationship with. Ai-yai-yai. I hope you've had that cup of coffee, ladies and gentlemen, because [''Laughs''] it only gets worse. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' I mean, uh, you know, we'd be hanging around so much and sharing so many fondful memories. Hmm. And you know, I few--I know a few good places in Charlottesville, you know, I think it's, you know, I'll take you there, we'll get some good things to eeeeeat, and we’ll hang ooouut. We’ll have so much fun. I know a place that serves some great smoothies. And you know, we can enjoy a movie in the theater, or in--at home, or watch a television rerun. Family Guy! Heh.

'''Toucher:''' "Family Guy!" [''They laugh and play the stinger music again.''] Tony, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Tony:''' Oh my God, two hundred years ago, this guy would have been ostracized out of a village or a town or something like that. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.''] I mean, he ''really'' needs to be around normal humans.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I guess there are videos, I've been told, where [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview|his ''mother'' appears]], like--

'''Rich:''' No!

'''Toucher:''' --comes into the room while he's filming 'em.

'''Rich:''' Oh man.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I mean, there's a, you could spend a good, uh, horrifying evening, [''Rich laughs''] if you wanted to go, like, out to the old haunted house and play these things, you could probably do it for a couple of hours. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Family Guy! Or, uh, I Love Lucy or I got some—I got the entire series of Gilligan's Island, hmmm. Hoo-hoo! Hmm, and we can make some music together on Guitar Hero. Hmmm. Well, you can sing, I got a microphone. I'm thinking about getting drums. [''Makes a drum sound.''] Hm, yeah. And you know, I will see you in the--I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together.

'''Toucher:''' Aaaauugghhaaaaoooo! [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again''] I'm going to guess it never happened. [''Rich laughs.''] I'm going to guess that the lady saw this video and maybe thought-- [''Replays clip of Chris saying, "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Rich:''' Oough.

'''Toucher:''' Alan, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Alan:''' Hey, guys, hey!

'''Toucher and Rich:''' Hey!

'''Alan:''' Um, make sure you save that videotape; the FBI will want it for evidence.

'''Toucher:''' I have a feeling that, if all this is real, that, uh, there are several organizations that are just keeping an eye on the, uh, the doings of this gentleman.

'''Rich:''' Yeah, the creepiest thing is that he, first of all, he talks like a little kid, like, "my mommy," and then in his first video, he was saying, because that's what adults do sometimes, like he's talking and addressing children.

'''Toucher:''' But I g--, this woman is an adult from what I've read, that he's addressing.

'''Rich:''' Oh, oh, maybe, maybe it is, maybe it is, but the other videos that he's made, it just seems like--

'''Toucher:''' He's very child-like and maybe he was relating to someone on a child-like level.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' That is a, that is an assumption. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll, I'll do my best to pleasure you and keep you satisfied, my sweetest Ivy, just for you. Just for you! Hmmm! 

[''Rich laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Who did you save all this skin for? [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again, adding Chris saying "Just for you!" three times, with the first iteration digitally lowered.''] Why is this dog-cage all set up? [''Repeats digitally-lowered "Just for you!" and adds the "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Toucher:''' I mean, you don't even have to play it slow, you don't have to do anything, this is like a night-- I've never gone through the whole video, it's, it's so disturbing to me. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' I know a number of good positions and massages, hmm. Hmmm. And, you know, I know a number, uh, places we could walk around at, you know. We could walk about the mall!

'''Toucher:''' Ooh!

:'''Chris:''' We could walk about the UVA grounds! Good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight. Hmmmm, so, you know, wonderful memories! Wonderful memories! We're gonna have lots of fun. And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always. Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. [''Sound of disgust from one of the hosts''] I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch! Hmmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Oulbggh!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs''] Oh yeah!

'''Crash:''' It's making chills!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs''] I know!

'''Crash:''' The chil-- he's a witch! [''Replays a slowed-down "Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch!" and adds "Just for you!" and a slowed-down "Look at me smile" at the end.'']

'''Toucher:''' [''Laughing''] "Look at me smile!" [''Replays "I know a number of good positions and massages."''] Ohhhh. [''Continues clip'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, look at me smile, hmm. It's a nice smile. Because I love you, Ivy! I love you so much. I ran out of details. I don't know. I guess I'll sing you a song.

'''Toucher:''' No!

:'''Chris:''' It's a jolly ‘oliday With Ivy Ivy makes my heart so light When the skies are grey And ordinary Ivy makes the sun shine bright. It's a jolly holiday with Ivy No wonder that it's Ivy that I love. I love you so much Ivy. I love you! I love youuu. [''Blows a kiss to the camera.''] Talk to you later, sweetheart. And also to your father the policeman, I salute him with my Cub Scout salute.

'''Toucher:''' Ohhhhhhh ohh. [''Rich laughs.''] [''Plays circus music to "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together," "Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together!" and "Just for you!"'']

'''Toucher:''' I'm just hoping that they wouldn't let this guy on an airplane. Laura, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Laura:''' Thanks a lot for making me have a new really colorful character for my nightmares. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.'']

'''Toucher:''' E-especially for a woman.

'''Laura:''' I'm just gonna sleep with the light on for the rest of my life, now.

'''Toucher:''' Yes, indeed!

'''Laura:''' Oh my God!

'''Toucher:''' We should make a, we should make tapes of these specifically for certain people, just replace "Ivy" with "Laura"-- [''Replays "We can make some music together on Guitar Hero" and "And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always." while everyone laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Well, Rich is obviously from a conservative Catholic family and, uh, something happened over the weekend that maybe made them think he was a little bit of a psycho.

[''Segment ends.'']

==Chris's Response==
Troll goddess [[Vivian Gee]] saw fit to inform Chris about his radio presence via E-mail. Needless to say, Chris was less than receptive.
{{Email|<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5a7HN0pa0w&feature=related</nowiki>

This was part of a radio show from a few months ago. It resurfaced recently and I had a listen.

If you wonder why this applies to you: skip to 7:00.

A woman comments about how YOU will be part of her nightmares now.

This is what normal people, not trolls, think of you. If you really think it's just trolls who have formed a bad opinion of you, think again. Just letting you know.}}
{{EmailReply|
Well, I never asked for a reputation.‏

This WHOLE WORLD is becoming autistic by gluing ALL of their attention
to computers, internet and all that. I am a REAL LIFE MAN, and while I
do not appreciate or care much of the "reputation" that has been made
against me on the crappy internet, the TRUE Reputation I would call my
own is in REAL LIFE and from ACTUALLY HANGING OUT WITH ME IN PERSON.

Feel Free to Spread this Quote from me, "If you REALLY want to make a
Reputation Of Me, then Hang Out With Me In Real Life. Quit hiding
behind your F***ing Computers and "Anonymous" Bu**S***."

Nobody is Perfect. But I AM a Good Person, and I do not have to be
recorded to prove it.

Peace,
Christian.}}

Needless to say, the quote Chris manufactured for himself wasn't spread.

==See Also==

[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]

==External Links==
*[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 Listen to the broadcast]

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

File:BaronHarkonnen.jpg

2010-11-05T20:46:35Z

Manwithoutabody: Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, from the Dune movie

Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, from the Dune movie

User:Manwithoutabody/Second Soliloquy

2010-11-05T20:37:20Z

Manwithoutabody:

You can read more of my babbling over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord,_I_Was_Born_a_Ramblin'_Man| here]].

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, an then it was on my first rambling, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Boulder-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy.

===Why ''Sonichu'' Stands Out as Particularly Awful===
Issue 2 was where it all got fascinating.

Sure, 0 and 1 were terrible, but they were blandly terrible. I'm sure you could find a million dumbasses on the internet with equally inane and stupid fancomics. I think that's what SonichuIzCool, poor soul that she is, liked. Back then, it was just low quality adventures with terrible characters. She probably liked it just because she liked Sonic and Pikachu, and, like Chris, lacked the ability to judge a work by its quality rather than its premise. Sure, it got worse, but in both their minds, it remained the relatively innocent thing it was at first. Unlike Chris, though, that poor girl (as far as I can tell from what little is known about her) isn't a bad person.

It was with Sonichu 2 that Chris's terrible personality finally began to take over the comic. 1 and 0 were a cliche storm, but they kept Chris's awful, self-justifying personality limited to the Sub-Episodes. Chris was a recurring guest character in his own comic, which, in and of itself, isn't too bad (whiny though his segments were). With Issue 2, it became all about him, and that's when it became the single worst webcomic in known history.

One of Chris's many problems is that, due to his lack of imagination and general laze, he never writes anything that is just ''Sonichu''. At least, not since Issues 0 and 1, which were very cliche-ridden and uncreative. What I mean by this is that not once do Sonichu and friends have any adventures that are only there to entertain. They don't travel to a strange new country to help the locals thwart Count Graduon's invasion. They don't track down the Sonichu Crystals (or balls, or whatever). They don't have to deal with a monster of the week.

Sonichu 3 introduced the Chaotic Combo, but none of them really ''did'' anything. Sure, they had their whole "dating education" bit in ''Sonichu 9'', but that was hardly the sort of high-flying adventure Chris clearly wants the comic to be. Their introduction was a way of stalling; Sonichu can't go on epic adventures yet because we haven't introduced all the characters! After they were introduced, Chris lost interest in them, so Issue 4 was all about him again.

From what I gather, Chris intended the comic to be akin to a Saturday morning cartoon, and such shows - regardless of their quality - consist primarily of what is technically filler. There will be many episodes that have no real impact on any plot arcs and only exist to fill up space and entertain the audience. They may still be excellent episodes (I will admit that "Vincent and the Doctor", despite adding very little to the ongoing plot arc of ''Doctor Who'', still made me cry a little). Almost any given episode of ''Pokemon'' will (or at least, this was the case when I was watching it) have the following plot:
1.Ash and friends go to a place where people and Pokemon are interacting in an idiosyncratic way (dealing with a Diglet pest problem, making perfume with help from Grass types, farming Ponyta, going on safari to watch Kangaskhan, etc.) 
2.Team Rocket arrive, deliver their introductory speech, create problems 
3.Ash and friends defeat Team Rocket 
4.The people Ash helped thank him by waving at him a lot as he leaves with his friends

That's not artistic brilliance, but it's professional. It's clear that the writers, animators, and actors want to get paid, and they're giving the fans what they want, and that's fine. It's pulp, with a fairly young target audience, so you can't expect too much from it. Maybe once in a while, they'd do an episode that was really personally important to them (like that ''Digimon'' episode with the out-of-nowhere ''Shadow Over Innsmouth'' homages) and leave all the fans scratching their heads and alienated. That's not professional; that's personal, and they're taking a big risk by doing that. If they want to keep being, first and foremost, pulp, then they'd better do it very infrequently.

Starting with Issue 2, ''Sonichu'' does this all the time. We're given some standard goals for the characters (save Crystal, get the Sonichu Crystals, defeat Graduon, save Zelina from Clawdorf), but nobody, least of all Chris, puts any effort into them.

Partly, this is because it's an amateur comic. Chris makes no money on it, so he doesn't need to give the fans what they want, and can just do whatever ''he'' wants. Because Chris lacks the discipline to create filler adventures for his characters, the most he can do is repeatedly assure us that Sonichu and friends are superheroes, but we don't really get to see any real evidence of this. In Chris's mind, they're frequently off fighting villains who aren't personally important to him. Villains like Robotnik, Giovanni, Metal Sonichu, and even (at first) Blake and Reldnahc. Notice anything these guys all have in common, besides being monstrously unoriginal? They all either vanished altogether from the comic or else had their personalities greatly retooled. That's because Chris doesn't care about them. Even Count Graduon, who was supposed to be the main villain of the series, has more or less disappeared. Mary Lee Walsh, formerly another primary villain, was finally defeated with ridiculous ease, while most of the issue was focused on torturing and demeaning four characters who had never appeared in the comic before but in real life had annoyed Chris.

He doesn't really enjoy writing these adventures anywhere near as much as he enjoys making personal attacks on his enemies. Seriously, when was the last time a villain appeared who ''wasn't'' based on a troll?

Even when Chris ''was'' writing the comic, he didn't really care about it. If he did, he would have created villains and adventures that he found appealing enough to write but ''weren't'' just recreations of his own life and his own problems.

Another problem is the wildly inconsistent tone. Because the comic is controlled by the whims of a deranged manchild, it's only about whatever is on his mind at the moment, and because it's updated so infrequently, this can vary tremendously between pages. It's supposed to be a ''Pokemon''/''Sonic''-esque adventure series, but there are no real adventures anymore. Sometimes it's pseudo-romantic ("The Genesis of the Lovehogs"), and sometimes it's a bawdy comedy about a guy who can't get any (those few moments when Chris is able to laugh at himself, although they're still not funny), and sometimes porn and sometimes it's torture porn. Chris can't come up with a "status quo" for his comic (a la ''The Simpsons'', where almost nothing ever changes), but he can't stick with any major plot arcs either (a la ''The Prisoner'', where if you miss a single episode you're lost, but then, you're probably lost anyway).

This is why he's always giving us "previews" of upcoming developments in ''Sonichu'', like the [[Giant Penis Comic]]. He wants to skip ahead to the parts that personally interest his id, and leave the rest of it for us to fill in. When there's no particular message he ''really'' needs to get out, he doesn't just write filler like most people do. He writes nothing whatever.

''Sonichu'' was once a derivative and generically crappy fancomic, but now, it's Chris's default way of lashing out at his enemies, and nothing else. It's gotten to the point where he never updates for any reason other than that.

===Why does Chris want to be a house-husband?===
I'm going to assume you've seen [[PlayingHouse]] in this one. If you haven't, go watch it now, because it's ebsolutely fescinatung, like a warwilf. So anyway, in Chris' idyllic vision of married life with Jackie, she's a highly-paid journalist and he's a house-husband. Let's set aside the improbability that a woman as successful and attractive as her (in the picture, anyway) would ever want to be with a dretch like him and instead focus on their living arrangement. Why doesn't he portray himself as the rockstar creator of of a multimillion dollar cartoon franchise?

Partly because, for now, he's basically abandoned Sonichu. He's said he hopes to do it all his life, but it's clearly just an attention ploy in the hope of picking up girls.

Chris, unsurprisingly, does not want to be the breadwinner. He wants her to be. And normally, I'd have no problem with that, except that Chris is obviously not doing it out of [[Women's Rights|feminism]] but out of laze.

What he doesn't know is that being the homemaker is actually a tremendous amount of work. You've got to (or so I have read) keep the house clean, feed and clean the kids, do the shopping, and all that mess. It'd be like all those chores he (allegedly) does now, except:
1)He'd be held to a higher standard, because no hard-working journalist wants to come home to a house that looks like Nick Nolte and Edward Hyde had an all-night bender the evening before. 
2) He'd have to feed and change the diapers of a pair of essentially helpless creatures, rather than just [[Barb|letting them slowly turn into an ooze on the sofa]] or [[Bob|reveal Klan membership over the phone]]. 
3)Crystal is about 4. There's no way she'd be any help around the house or keeping Reginald quiet. 
4)The parent in charge of raising the kids gets no sleep and no time off from work, because their boss is always right there, screaming and crapping.

Through Reginald, Chris gives some token attention to the fact that child-rearing can be charitably described as "a handful", but it's pretty clear he expects it to be a cakewalk. I think I know why: Chris watches a lot of TV, and gets all his knowledge of married life from there. Especially on the older sitcoms, homemaking is often portrayed as essentially easy, because these shows were either before the Second Wave of Feminism and didn't know any better, or they were deliberate reactions to it and insidiously trying to make housewifery look easy just so women would want to stay in it.

Chris can't keep his house clean and he's [[Game_place#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|no good with kids]], so he'd make a terrible house-husband, but since he thinks it's easier than getting an outside job, tha's what he wants to do.

User:Manwithoutabody

2010-11-05T20:36:04Z

Manwithoutabody:

<div style="clear:left; float:left;">
{{Troper}}
{{Straight|male}}
{{Christian}}
{{Warrior}}
{{OperationMailbag}}
</div>

<div style="clear:right; float:right;">
{{Canuckfag}}
{{JERK}}
{{White}}
{{Ham}}
{{Wii}}
</div>

Strange Canadian person. Sent the "[[Mailbag 48#10 Reasons|10 Reasons]]" email in [[Mailbag 48]], and a similiar email to Alec Benson Leary, who [[Mailbag 52#...yeah, it's probably supposed to be "ignoring"|compared both lists]] in [[Mailbag 52]]. I'm quite proud of getting the assist, as we say in hockey-obsessed Canada.

You can read some ramblings of mine [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man|here]] and [[User:Manwithoutabody/Second_Soliloquy|here]]. I also wrote an ongoing ''Sonichu'' piece called ''Afternoon'', which can be read [http://manwithoutabody.deviantart.com/#/d2uawtv here], but be warned: it's very violent.

I also created the following relevant videos, as well as a host of irrelevant ones, mostly revolving around ''My Inner Life''.

:[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RxTycDxwqY CWC the Volcano Does Not Approve of Homosexuals Using AXE]
:[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK2IP21R50Q CWC Gets a Phone Call from Walter Grisby]
:[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R88HlvfLXB4 Dramatic Reading] of [[The High School Story]]
:[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rN7PtUMMYg Samples from the Poetry of Christian Weston Chandler], including [[Hard Love Quest]], [[Valentine's Day Hymn]], and [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]

Also, it's worth noting that I'm demonstrably descended from the Boleyn family, though obviously not from [[Anne Boleyn|Anne]]. Then again, there's a good chance that you are, too, if you've got any ancestry in Western Europe.

User:Manwithoutabody/Second Soliloquy

2010-11-05T16:01:28Z

Manwithoutabody:

You can read more of my babbling over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord,_I_Was_Born_a_Ramblin'_Man| here]].

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, an then it was on my first rambling, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Bouldrer-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy

===Why ''Sonichu'' Stands Out as Particularly Awful===
Issue 2 was where it all got fascinating.

Sure, 0 and 1 were terrible, but they were blandly terrible. I'm sure you could find a million dumbasses on the internet with equally inane and stupid fancomics. I think that's what SonichuIzCool, poor soul that she is, liked. Back then, it was just low quality adventures with terrible characters. She probably liked it just because she liked Sonic and Pikachu, and, like Chris, lacked the ability to judge a work by its quality rather than its premise. Sure, it got worse, but in both their minds, it remained the relatively innocent thing it was at first. Unlike Chris, though, that poor girl (as far as I can tell from what little is known about her) isn't a bad person.

It was with Sonichu 2 that Chris's terrible personality finally began to take over the comic. 1 and 0 were a cliche storm, but they kept Chris's awful, self-justifying personality limited to the Sub-Episodes. Chris was a recurring guest character in his own comic, which, in and of itself, isn't too bad (whiny though his segments were). With Issue 2, it became all about him, and that's when it became the single worst webcomic in known history.

One of Chris's many problems is that, due to his lack of imagination and general laze, he never writes anything that is just ''Sonichu''. At least, not since Issues 0 and 1, which were very cliche-ridden and uncreative. What I mean by this is that not once do Sonichu and friends have any adventures that are only there to entertain. They don't travel to a strange new country to help the locals thwart Count Graduon's invasion. They don't track down the Sonichu Crystals (or balls, or whatever). They don't have to deal with a monster of the week.

Sonichu 3 introduced the Chaotic Combo, but none of them really ''did'' anything. Sure, they had their whole "dating education" bit in ''Sonichu 9'', but that was hardly the sort of high-flying adventure Chris clearly wants the comic to be. Their introduction was a way of stalling; Sonichu can't go on epic adventures yet because we haven't introduced all the characters! After they were introduced, Chris lost interest in them, so Issue 4 was all about him again.

From what I gather, Chris intended the comic to be akin to a Saturday morning cartoon, and such shows - regardless of their quality - consist primarily of what is technically filler. There will be many episodes that have no real impact on any plot arcs and only exist to fill up space and entertain the audience. They may still be excellent episodes (I will admit that "Vincent and the Doctor", despite adding very little to the ongoing plot arc of ''Doctor Who'', still made me cry a little). Almost any given episode of ''Pokemon'' will (or at least, this was the case when I was watching it) have the following plot:
1.Ash and friends go to a place where people and Pokemon are interacting in an idiosyncratic way (dealing with a Diglet pest problem, making perfume with help from Grass types, farming Ponyta, going on safari to watch Kangaskhan, etc.) 
2.Team Rocket arrive, deliver their introductory speech, create problems 
3.Ash and friends defeat Team Rocket 
4.The people Ash helped thank him by waving at him a lot as he leaves with his friends

That's not artistic brilliance, but it's professional. It's clear that the writers, animators, and actors want to get paid, and they're giving the fans what they want, and that's fine. It's pulp, with a fairly young target audience, so you can't expect too much from it. Maybe once in a while, they'd do an episode that was really personally important to them (like that ''Digimon'' episode with the out-of-nowhere ''Shadow Over Innsmouth'' homages) and leave all the fans scratching their heads and alienated. That's not professional; that's personal, and they're taking a big risk by doing that. If they want to keep being, first and foremost, pulp, then they'd better do it very infrequently.

Starting with Issue 2, ''Sonichu'' does this all the time. We're given some standard goals for the characters (save Crystal, get the Sonichu Crystals, defeat Graduon, save Zelina from Clawdorf), but nobody, least of all Chris, puts any effort into them.

Partly, this is because it's an amateur comic. Chris makes no money on it, so he doesn't need to give the fans what they want, and can just do whatever ''he'' wants. Because Chris lacks the discipline to create filler adventures for his characters, the most he can do is repeatedly assure us that Sonichu and friends are superheroes, but we don't really get to see any real evidence of this. In Chris's mind, they're frequently off fighting villains who aren't personally important to him. Villains like Robotnik, Giovanni, Metal Sonichu, and even (at first) Blake and Reldnahc. Notice anything these guys all have in common, besides being monstrously unoriginal? They all either vanished altogether from the comic or else had their personalities greatly retooled. That's because Chris doesn't care about them. Even Count Graduon, who was supposed to be the main villain of the series, has more or less disappeared. Mary Lee Walsh, formerly another primary villain, was finally defeated with ridiculous ease, while most of the issue was focused on torturing and demeaning four characters who had never appeared in the comic before but in real life had annoyed Chris.

He doesn't really enjoy writing these adventures anywhere near as much as he enjoys making personal attacks on his enemies. Seriously, when was the last time a villain appeared who ''wasn't'' based on a troll?

Even when Chris ''was'' writing the comic, he didn't really care about it. If he did, he would have created villains and adventures that he found appealing enough to write but ''weren't'' just recreations of his own life and his own problems.

Another problem is the wildly inconsistent tone. Because the comic is controlled by the whims of a deranged manchild, it's only about whatever is on his mind at the moment, and because it's updated so infrequently, this can vary tremendously between pages. It's supposed to be a ''Pokemon''/''Sonic''-esque adventure series, but there are no real adventures anymore. Sometimes it's pseudo-romantic ("The Genesis of the Lovehogs"), and sometimes it's a bawdy comedy about a guy who can't get any (those few moments when Chris is able to laugh at himself, although they're still not funny), and sometimes porn and sometimes it's torture porn. Chris can't come up with a "status quo" for his comic (a la ''The Simpsons'', where almost nothing ever changes), but he can't stick with any major plot arcs either (a la ''The Prisoner'', where if you miss a single episode you're lost, but then, you're probably lost anyway).

This is why he's always giving us "previews" of upcoming developments in ''Sonichu'', like the [[Giant Penis Comic]]. He wants to skip ahead to the parts that personally interest his id, and leave the rest of it for us to fill in. When there's no particular message he ''really'' needs to get out, he doesn't just write filler like most people do. He writes nothing whatever.

''Sonichu'' was once a derivative and generically crappy fancomic, but now, it's Chris's default way of lashing out at his enemies, and nothing else. It's gotten to the point where he never updates for any reason other than that.

===Why does Chris want to be a house-husband?===
I'm going to assume you've seen [[PlayingHouse]] in this one. If you haven't, go watch it now, because it's ebsolutely fescinatung, like a warwilf. So anyway, in Chris' idyllic vision of married life with Jackie, she's a highly-paid journalist and he's a house-husband. Let's set aside the improbability that a woman as successful and attractive as her (in the picture, anyway) would ever want to be with a dretch like him and instead focus on their living arrangement. Why doesn't he portray himself as the rockstar creator of of a multimillion dollar cartoon franchise?

Partly because, for now, he's basically abandoned Sonichu. He's said he hopes to do it all his life, but it's clearly just an attention ploy in the hope of picking up girls.

Chris, unsurprisingly, does not want to be the breadwinner. He wants her to be. And normally, I'd have no problem with that, except that Chris is obviously not doing it out of [[Women's Rights|feminism]] but out of laze.

What he doesn't know is that being the homemaker is actually a tremendous amount of work. You've got to (or so I have read) keep the house clean, feed and clean the kids, do the shopping, and all that mess. It'd be like all those chores he (allegedly) does now, except:
1)He'd be held to a higher standard, because no hard-working journalist wants to come home to a house that looks like Nick Nolte and Edward Hyde had an all-night bender the evening before. 
2) He'd have to feed and change the diapers of a pair of essentially helpless creatures, rather than just [[Barb|letting them slowly turn into an ooze on the sofa]] or [[Bob|reveal Klan membership over the phone]]. 
3)Crystal is about 4. There's no way she'd be any help around the house or keeping Reginald quiet. 
4)The parent in charge of raising the kids gets no sleep and no time off from work, because their boss is always right there, screaming and crapping.

Through Reginald, Chris gives some token attention to the fact that child-rearing can be charitably described as "a handful", but it's pretty clear he expects it to be a cakewalk. I think I know why: Chris watches a lot of TV, and gets all his knowledge of married life from there. Especially on the older sitcoms, homemaking is often portrayed as essentially easy, because these shows were either before the Second Wave of Feminism and didn't know any better, or they were deliberate reactions to it and insidiously trying to make housewifery look easy just so women would want to stay in it.

Chris can't keep his house clean and he's [[Game_place#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|no good with kids]], so he'd make a terrible house-husband, but since he thinks it's easier than getting an outside job, tha's what he wants to do.

User:Manwithoutabody/Second Soliloquy

2010-11-05T14:55:57Z

Manwithoutabody:

You can read more of my babbling over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord,_I_Was_Born_a_Ramblin'_Man| here]].

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, an then it was on my first rambling, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Bouldrer-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy

===Why ''Sonichu'' Stands Out as Particularly Awful===
Issue 2 was where it all got fascinating.

Sure, 0 and 1 were terrible, but they were blandly terrible. I'm sure you could find a million dumbasses on the internet with equally inane and stupid fancomics. I think that's what SonichuIzCool, poor soul that she is, liked. Back then, it was just low quality adventures with terrible characters. She probably liked it just because she liked Sonic and Pikachu, and, like Chris, lacked the ability to judge a work by its quality rather than its premise. Sure, it got worse, but in both their minds, it remained the relatively innocent thing it was at first. Unlike Chris, though, that poor girl (as far as I can tell from what little is known about her) isn't a bad person.

It was with Sonichu 2 that Chris's terrible personality finally began to take over the comic. 1 and 0 were a cliche storm, but they kept Chris's awful, self-justifying personality limited to the Sub-Episodes. Chris was a recurring guest character in his own comic, which, in and of itself, isn't too bad (whiny though his segments were). With Issue 2, it became all about him, and that's when it became the single worst webcomic in known history.

One of Chris's many problems is that, due to his lack of imagination and general laze, he never writes anything that is just ''Sonichu''. At least, not since Issues 0 and 1, which were very cliche-ridden and uncreative. What I mean by this is that not once do Sonichu and friends have any adventures that are only there to entertain. They don't travel to a strange new country to help the locals thwart Count Graduon's invasion. They don't track down the Sonichu Crystals (or balls, or whatever). They don't have to deal with a monster of the week.

Sonichu 3 introduced the Chaotic Combo, but none of them really ''did'' anything. Sure, they had their whole "dating education" bit in ''Sonichu 9'', but that was hardly the sort of high-flying adventure Chris clearly wants the comic to be. Their introduction was a way of stalling; Sonichu can't go on epic adventures yet because we haven't introduced all the characters! After they were introduced, Chris lost interest in them, so Issue 4 was all about him again.

From what I gather, Chris intended the comic to be akin to a Saturday morning cartoon, and such shows - regardless of their quality - consist primarily of what is technically filler. There will be many episodes that have no real impact on any plot arcs and only exist to fill up space and entertain the audience. They may still be excellent episodes (I will admit that "Vincent and the Doctor", despite adding very little to the ongoing plot arc of ''Doctor Who'', still made me cry a little). Almost any given episode of ''Pokemon'' will (or at least, this was the case when I was watching it) have the following plot:
1.Ash and friends go to a place where people and Pokemon are interacting in an idiosyncratic way (dealing with a Diglet pest problem, making perfume with help from Grass types, farming Ponyta, going on safari to watch Kangaskhan, etc.) 
2.Team Rocket arrive, deliver their introductory speech, create problems 
3.Ash and friends defeat Team Rocket 
4.The people Ash helped thank him by waving at him a lot as he leaves with his friends

That's not artistic brilliance, but it's professional. It's clear that the writers, animators, and actors want to get paid, and they're giving the fans what they want, and that's fine. It's pulp, with a fairly young target audience, so you can't expect too much from it. Maybe once in a while, they'd do an episode that was really personally important to them (like that ''Digimon'' episode with the out-of-nowhere ''Shadow Over Innsmouth'' homages) and leave all the fans scratching their heads and alienated. That's not professional; that's personal, and they're taking a big risk by doing that. If they want to keep being, first and foremost, pulp, then they'd better do it very infrequently.

Starting with Issue 2, ''Sonichu'' does this all the time. We're given some standard goals for the characters (save Crystal, get the Sonichu Crystals, defeat Graduon, save Zelina from Clawdorf), but nobody, least of all Chris, puts any effort into them.

Partly, this is because it's an amateur comic. Chris makes no money on it, so he doesn't need to give the fans what they want, and can just do whatever ''he'' wants. Because Chris lacks the discipline to create filler adventures for his characters, the most he can do is repeatedly assure us that Sonichu and friends are superheroes, but we don't really get to see any real evidence of this. In Chris's mind, they're frequently off fighting villains who aren't personally important to him. Villains like Robotnik, Giovanni, Metal Sonichu, and even (at first) Blake and Reldnahc. Notice anything these guys all have in common, besides being monstrously unoriginal? They all either vanished altogether from the comic or else had their personalities greatly retooled. That's because Chris doesn't care about them. Even Count Graduon, who was supposed to be the main villain of the series, has more or less disappeared. Mary Lee Walsh, formerly another primary villain, was finally defeated with ridiculous ease, while most of the issue was focused on torturing and demeaning four characters who had never appeared in the comic before but in real life had annoyed Chris.

He doesn't really enjoy writing these adventures anywhere near as much as he enjoys making personal attacks on his enemies. Seriously, when was the last time a villain appeared who ''wasn't'' based on a troll?

Even when Chris ''was'' writing the comic, he didn't really care about it. If he did, he would have created villains and adventures that he found appealing enough to write but ''weren't'' just recreations of his own life and his own problems.

Another problem is the wildly inconsistent tone. Because the comic is controlled by the whims of a deranged manchild, it's only about whatever is on his mind at the moment, and because it's updated so infrequently, this can vary tremendously between pages. It's supposed to be a ''Pokemon''/''Sonic''-esque adventure series, but there are no real adventures anymore. Sometimes it's pseudo-romantic ("The Genesis of the Lovehogs"), and sometimes it's a bawdy comedy about a guy who can't get any (those few moments when Chris is able to laugh at himself, although they're still not funny), and sometimes porn and sometimes it's torture porn. Chris can't come up with a "status quo" for his comic (a la ''The Simpsons'', where almost nothing ever changes), but he can't stick with any major plot arcs either (a la ''The Prisoner'', where if you miss a single episode you're lost, but then, you're probably lost anyway).

This is why he's always giving us "previews" of upcoming developments in ''Sonichu'', like the [[Giant Penis Comic]]. He wants to skip ahead to the parts that personally interest his id, and leave the rest of it for us to fill in. When there's no particular message he ''really'' needs to get out, he doesn't just write filler like most people do. He writes nothing whatever.

''Sonichu'' was once a derivative and generically crappy fancomic, but now, it's Chris's default way of lashing out at his enemies, and nothing else. It's gotten to the point where he never updates for any reason other than that.

===Why does Chris want to be a house-husband?===
I'm going to assume you've seen [[PlayingHouse]] in this one. If you haven't, go watch it now, because it's ebsolutely fescinatung, like a warwilf. So anyway, in Chris' idyllic vision of married life with Jackie, she's a highly-paid journalist and he's a house-husband. Let's set aside the improbability that a woman as successful and attractive as her (in the picture, anyway) would ever want to be with a dretch like him and instead focus on their living arrangement. Why doesn't he portray himself as the rockstar creator of of a multimillion dollar cartoon franchise?

Partly because, for now, he's basically abandoned Sonichu. He's said he hopes to do it all his life, but it's clearly just an attention ploy in the hope of picking up girls.

Chris, unsurprisingly, does not want to be the breadwinner. He wants her to be. And normally, I'd have no problem with that, except that Chris is obviously not doing it out of feminism but out of laze.

What he doesn't know is that being the homemaker is actually a tremendous amount of work. You've got to (or so I have read) keep the house clean, feed and clean the kids, do the shopping, and all that mess. It'd be like all those chores he (allegedly) does now, except:
1)He'd be held to a higher standard, because no hard-working journalist wants to come home to a house that looks like Nick Nolte and Edward Hyde had an all-night bender the evening before. 
2) He'd have to feed and change the diapers of a pair of essentially helpless creatures, rather than just [[Barb|letting them slowly turn into an ooze on the sofa]]. 
3)Crystal is about 4. There's no way she'd be any help around the house or keeping Reginald quiet. 

TBC

User:Manwithoutabody/Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man

2010-11-05T14:38:40Z

Manwithoutabody:

Mostly just because [[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] made it look like such fun. It continues over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Second_Soliloquy|yonder]].

===Why do we hate Sonees and Roseys so much?===
After all, none of Chris' characters are well-rounded or believable. One would assume that we would hate them all, more or less equally. But such is not the case. Let's take a look at why:
*Their voices. This is the most obvious one, and requires little explanation, really. Whether in print form ([[Sonichu 11|"Thank you for having me help you. I had fun. I wuv you."]]) or voice-acted by Chris ([[A Sonichu Day|"I had fun in a dweeeeeeeam!"]]), his attempt at creating a childlike speech impediment is unspeakable.
*Their appearances. I've noticed that in works like ''A Very Sonichu Adventure'' (which is awesome, by the way) the character design of the children receives a lot of hate. There's a lot of attention paid to their stubby arms in particular. Why is this? Kirby has similiar arms, and he, too, has comically enormous feet, yet Kirby is genuinely cute. I think it's because Kirby's design is quite subdued: he's just a ball with rudimentary limbs and a happy face. Nobody can object to that. Rosey and Sonee, however, are trying too hard to be cute. They've got the pointy ears, the chubby bodies, the ":3" harelip faces, the enormous eyes... Sonee has those pink Pikachu cheeks and Rosey even has a bow and can use her skirt as a parachute. They've got every "cute" trait Chris could call to mind, all rolled together, but with none of what made these traits work in the first place. The real key to it is...
* Their expressions. E.T. was hideous and malformed, but there was something about his manner and expression that made him cute anyway. Joseph Merrick, in both real life and the David Lynch movie with John Hurt, was covered in hideous tumours and was by no stretch a handsome man, but he was still very appealing and sweet. TVTropes calls this "Ugly Cute". These kids are the opposite: all of their babyish features look repellent to us because, probably as a result of Chris' lack of [[Art]]istic skill, ''their faces seem unnatural''. Sure, they smile all the time, but it's an unnatural smile, like on a clown. Now, even that can be made appealing if you're good enough at expressions: in ''The Man Who Laughs'', Conrad Veidt's character has his psycho grin on the whole time, but his eyes are still imbued with great feeling, so we can sympathize with him. Chris, however, has negated any such possibility: in his determination to convey a childlike innocence onto their faces, he gave them utterly blank eyes. Unlike with Hurt or Veidt, there is [[The Creepy Stare| nothing going on behind those eyes]].
* What they represent. These characters are obviously special to Chris, so it's fun to torture them just for the sake of annoying him, but there's more to it than that. They represent Chris' desire to be physically a child again, so that his behaviour will be more acceptable: on a kid, it's called innocence, but on an adult, it's called ignorance. Chris uses Robbie to relive his own childhood, because he's a narcissist. Cerah and Christine exist simply to complete Robbie's perfect youth, because Chris enjoys female companionship, whether sexual or otherwise, and because, as far as Chris is concerned, [[Women's Rights| women only exist for the benefit of men]]. The infant Sonees and Roseys are Chris' attempt at making his own failure to grow up into [[OkCupid| an endearing trait]] and a perfect crystallization (pardon the pun) of his narcissistic belief that his own childhood was deeply interesting and idyllic.

If you can think of another reason why they're so universally reviled, go ahead and tell me. I'm interested in why YOU find them so repulsive.

===Why Adults Write Kids' Shows===
Many kids in their early teens might make up exaggeratedly cute characters, because they're going through some serious changes and this is their way of saying goodbye to childhood. Sexual motifs start creeping in, and it can be a bit disturbing: 12-year olds come up with anthropomorphic whatevers with boobs, but they quickly grow out of that and go with one side or the other - it's either human characters who have sex and drink booze, or else it's cuddly, kid-friendly aminals [sic]. If an adult continues making up childlike stuff, then one of three things will happen:
*It's a kids' show, with an audience of children. The creator keeps doing it because he/she enjoyed his/her own childhood, and wants to help today's kids enjoy their own. It can be a lovingly-crafted monument to innocence that entertains parents as much as kids (''Sesame Street'') or it can be a cheaply-made throwaway work that assumes all kids are idiots (''The Care Bears'').
*It's a pastiche of kids' shows, deriving humour from the juxtaposition of cutesy characters and childlike references with adult concepts like sexuality and alcohol. The creator keeps doing it because he/she wishes to comment on the entertainment of his/her own childhood, and people will watch it because it caters specifically to their generation. It can be a clever and affectionate caper (''Homestar Runner''), an angry but ingenious satire (''The Venture Brothers''), or an unfunny mess that relies on shock value (''Avenue Q'').
*It's a warped horror with an audience consisting of the author and a few other pieces of human rubbish. The creator keeps doing it because they personally find it titillating, but it's probably a cry for help. The author, like everybody in the audience, is a demented man-/womanchild who is stuck in that adolescent limbo, having [[fail]]ed to reconcile his/her adult and childish interests, so instead combines the two, not in a humourous way as above, but with dead seriousness. Hence the internet's obsession with ''Lolita''. Hence furries. Hence people who can't differentiate between cute (childlike, inspiring our compassion and parental instincts) and cute (sexy). This ranges from the awful (most fanfiction) to the incredibly awful (''Sonichu'').
Chris is the only person who could possibly enjoy his comics in anything other than a so-bad-it's-good way. He makes solipsistic references that most readers wouldn't get, indulges his own fantasies and fetishes, builds himself up, and does nothing whatever to make the comic entertaining for anyone other than himself. Since ''Sonichu'' is written with no audience in mind but its author, it's much more a "slice of the author's mind" than a professional, published work, or even an amateur work created by someone who cares about his/her viewers. Works we create entirely for our own benefit should probably not see the light of day without being edited first.

===On the individual roles of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]===
Let's note that Robbie is the youngest of the three, because Chris wishes he were younger than he is. Although in his [[Love Quest]] he limits himself to younger women, this is probably just because he heard somewhere that it's more socially acceptable. Considering that he expects his [[sweetheart]] to initiate things and then support him utterly, he certainly wants her to be ''emotionally'' older, if not literally. Note that Sonichu is derived from a Pikachu, whereas Rosechu is part-Raichu. Note also that in Robbie's infamous [[A Sonichu Day|dweeeeam]] (a fantasy existing within a fantasy), Cera saves him from some kind of nonspecific danger.

When Chris talks about how STRONG he is and how he looks like a trucker, that's his half-hearted attempt at being what he thinks society demands of a MAN. But what he really WANTS to be is a baby; an adorable, bunny-eared baby who is allowed to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|relieve himself wherever he wants]], even on lizards.

Cerah is really bland, because Chris didn't actually know much about [[Sarah Hammer]]'s personality. Like most of his female characters, she's just sort of "[[Chloe Rosechu|generic girl]]".

Christine, however, is Shiny (read: unique/speshul) and terribly vain. Who else do we know who is inordinately proud of [[Heterochromia|peculiar colouration]] and [[Autism|inherent speshulness]], [[Chris_and_fashion#Theory_of_fashion|loves staring at mirrors]], and is [[Ego|incredibly vain]]? Who else [[McIntire_Park#Chris_in_a_Council_Meeting|loves being on stage]] and considers the loss of virginity to be an unambiguously good thing? Christine, like [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], shares many traits with Chris. In fact, it's probably not a coincidence that Christine was practicing her lines in front of a mirror, Chris needed to study his appearance in a mirror, and Crystal got trapped inside a mirror. So if both Christine and Robbie are basically the same person as Chris, this says a lot of unsurprising things about how Chris envisions an ideal childhood: there'd be him, another person exactly like him, and a stand-in for someone who really was there (regardless of how she [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares|actually treated him]]). I'm not sure which he'd rather bone.

===Narcissism, Chauvinism, and Incest===

It's easy to understand why Chris' work has so many incestuous undertones. It shows up in Byron's work, too. The only difference is that Byron was marginally (though only marginally) more talented than Chris. I really, really hate Byron

Anyway, in the typical, egotistical Romantic fantasy (I'm using 'fantasy' in the non-Tolkienian sense and in more of a wish fulfillment sense), we've got our egomaniacal, angsty, brooding protagonist, and we've got his Young Love, who is now dead. She's probably not too bright (or if she is, it's an informed attribute that never really comes up), and she's usually really happy and saintly and childlike and above all, innocent. She represents the protagonist's lost innocence - since most of the Romantics were [[Women's Rights|ragingly chauvinistic or misogynistic]], it's not surprising that a female character should be defined only in her relationship to the male protagonist. When she dies, it's somehow his fault and he goes on a giant angst rampage. That's basically the plot to ''Manfred'' right there.

Chris and Byron have a similiar idea of how their ideal woman should be: she's sweet and caring and nurturing and all that Jorth stuff. She's the image of classical, Pleistocene femininity. But she can't be completely universal; she has to be like this only around him. A major defining trait of the Young Love is that she's the only one who really understands him, because they've known each other their whole lives and because she's utterly devoted to Manfred, and he, too, is utterly devoted to Manfred. So all their conversations are mostly about how he needs to lighten up, see the good in people, etc. It's never about her, because she only exists for him. And he's such a narcissist that he finds this appealing: the only reason he could ever love anyone other than himself is because she's fanatically devoted to him.

Are you ready for the kicker? The twist ending of ''Manfred'' is that she (I don't even think she gets a name) was also his sister. Not only was her entire existence based on him, but she was also as genetically close to him as possible. She's a copy of him. It's worth saying that Byron was sexually involved with his own half-sister, and Manfred (like most of Byron's protagonists) is a giant Marty Stu.

So how does this relate to Chris? We know that he thrives on wish-fulfillment fantasies; he retells episodes of his own life to cast himself in a better light, he comforts himself with ideas of us as losers without lives of our own, and he creates his own dream world in [[CWCville]]. Now, CWCville is much brighter and sunnier than Byron's gloomy, thunderstormy landscape which he stole from Goth writers like Horace Walpole, but that's not the point. The point is that both of them are/were determined to be the hero, even though they are/were, in fact, horrible people.
Chris has had boners for many, many women, but the two that I consider to be the most interesting are Sarah Hammer and Crystal (sister, but daughter works just as well). I say this because there was nothing particularly strange about his crush on Megan or Ivy; sure, they motivated him to do strange and creepy things, but the attraction itself wasn't too noteworthy.

Sarah, however, was a childhood friend. Now, I hate hate ''hate'' it when, in fiction, the hero falls in love with his childhood best friend, because it's creepy and full of incestuous undertones. There will be this big deal made about [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares| childhood memories they've shared together]], most of which are the sort of memories that most of us share with our siblings. I suspect that I find incest even more disgusting than most other people do.

Anyway, back to Sarah. Chris wanted to do her even though, according to the Westermarck Effect (if you've seen a reference to it anywhere on this wiki, I probably put it there because I think more writers need to know it exists) he should probably see her as a sister figure. It's possible that they didn't really know each other that well, so maybe the Effect never took hold. However, this seems doubtful for two reasons:
*Chris lived next door to Sarah between the ages of two and ten. The first six years are the critical age for the Effect to kick in, so it had plenty of time.
*Sarah gets a Rosey avatar, and that avatar is ''Robbie's sister''. This means that she was integral enough a part of his childhood that he had to include her in Robbie's. This also means that he really could see her as both sister and lover.

When Chris was trying to get with Sarah, he really played up the childhood friends angle. He was trying to turn their childhood into Manfred's, with her as his Young Love and they reconnect and all that bullshit. There was a twist in that he was being even more self-pitying by going on about how she tricked him about Casper and always beat him in hide-and-seek. In fact, I think he was trying to turn himself into HER Young Love. Think about it: when the Young Love doesn't die and ends up living happily with the protagonist, there's a lot of guilt involved. If he doesn't marry her, then he's abandoning her, betraying her. He somehow owes it to her, by virtue of her being the first girl he met. Chris was trying a gender swap again, but it was only partial: he gave himself the whininess and the saintly victimhood of the Young Love, but, being Chris, he couldn't give up the Byronic self-obsession.

Now, I'm not saying Chris read Byron and got his ideas from him. I'm saying that Chris' mind works in a similiarly egotistic way that Byron's did. Similiar fantasies appealed to them both. Furthermore, Byron isn't the only writer to use this motif; he just took it to its logical and horrible conclusion. Chris has probably seen the Romance-With-A-Childhood-Friend in other works of fiction. Did ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' ever do this? I never saw that show. Anyway, we know that he takes everything he sees on TV at face value.

Now, I can't confirm that Chris fantasized about having sex with either Crystal, but I would still argue that he did. Probably with both. We mustn't ignore just how lovingly Chris detailed Crystal's breasts, or her alarming resemblance to the "Girlfriend's Gift" trading card, or the whole business with the Rosechu medallion.

What I think happened with the trading card is this: before Chris came up with the idea of Crystal, he drew this as a [[Lovely Weather]]-like speculation of what his eventual true love would look like. What with his incredible masturbatory ego, she naturally dressed exactly like him and probably shared his beliefs on homos, those dumb laws, and all that fun stuff. Later on, as she became more and more exactly like him, she gradually became his twin. And he saw nothing wrong with that.

Would you be surprised if Chris' ideal woman were basically him, but with breasts? Most of us want to be with people who will help us to improve and grow ([[Simonla| opposites]] [[Wild|attract]], after all), but Chris clearly wants no such thing. His ideal woman would be someone who flatters him completely by agreeing with him about everything. She's completely devoted to him, like Byron's Young Love.

As for Crystal the daughter, it's really the same issue: he wants a daughter because he wants someone raised to understand him and see his way of doing things as "normal". Once again, he's determined to be understood and to force people to accept him. While it's doubtful that Chris is an actual pedophile, I don't see it as particularly out of character for him to molest ''post''pubescent daughter. Why?

[[Sandy Rosechu]]. She's basically the same person as her mother. Now, some of this is just because Chris cares more about getting revenge on Evan than about telling a story, but he seems to see children as exact clones of their parents, not just genetically but socially. Sandy has the exact same relationship to [[Zapina]] as [[Simonla]] did. Although Chris probably wouldn't dare to show it on the page, I think that in his mind, she has the same relationship to [[Wild]] as Simonla did, too. When we look at how Wild forced her into adulthood, we really worry.

If Crystal were ever born, the moment she reached puberty, Chris would become attracted to her. He'd see a woman who looked like a (hypothetical) woman he'd banged, and who shared all of his views and agreed with him about everything, including "those dumb laws". And we've seen how well Chris behaves when he's attracted to [[Megan|someone]].

===On the potential of Sonees and Roseys===
One of the most irritating things about the [[Mailbag]] was that Chris could always respond with smugness or [[Mailbag 52|canned responses]]. And with this relative dry spell we've been having for the first half of 2010, we need something to shock Chris back into action. In past, we had three tactics, which have worked pretty well:
*A [[sweetheart]]. The idea that his comic might one day get him laid has been one of Chris' most treasured delusions since the beginning. Sadly, he's becoming increasingly wary of this one, although the video where he demonstrates his cunnilingus technique was pretty funny.
*Infringe on his identity. [[Liquid]], [[Jimmy Hill]], [[Asperchu]], that whole kerfuffle over the [[Audiobooks]], UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! ETCETERA! ETCETERA! [[Sonichu Season 2]] was meant to do that, but we haven't had much reaction from Chris yet, so maybe this one's running dry, too.
*Question his sexuality, either by suggesting he's gay (which I've never found particularly funny, because homophobia was supposed to be his thing, not ours), suggesting that he's a pedo, or by suggesting Rosechu to be a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania. This, too, has lost some of its power as he's just ignoring us a lot of the time, probably on [[Rocky]]'s advice.

All those have been fun, but to jolt Chris out of apathy and [[PS3]], we may need to try a new tactic. Either that, or we just wait for him to get mad at something trivial again, but I get impatient sometimes.

Go to [[Mailbag 54]] and read the email about Creepichu, who I believe would have been a wonderful character. Look at Chris' reaction to the thought of anything bad happening to Sonees. Even though the sender is obviously not condoning this but asking Chris to be forgiving (like in the story of Joseph), Chris ''still'' gets all screamy and horrified by the mere suggestion, a fairly rare occurrence on the Mailbag.

Look at [[CWC Update 12 August 2009|Chris' reaction]] to the rape fanart about Sonees and Roseys. You guys really hit a nerve with that. Why? Partly his standard defensive reaction to allegations of unorthodox sexual practices (whether by his characters or Chris himself, since his characters are all basically just him anyway), partly the frequent depiction of Rosechu with a wiener, but I think there was even more to it than that. Whether sexually or otherwise, when those kids are threatened in any way, Chris gets very upset.

Infrequent though their appearances are, the kids are very important to Chris. Perhaps the reason they appear so infrequently (serious, you'd think he'd have given them and [[Heather Iglesias]] a plot ripped off of ''[[Mary Poppins]]'' by now) is that they're so special he's afraid he won't do it right, or he's too lazy to put in as much care as he thinks they deserve, or maybe he wants to keep them special and avoid overuse.

I believe that if we can get his attention again, and attract it to something like ''A Very Sonichu Adventure'', we could reinvigorate Chris and maybe get him to start writing the comic again. Maybe he'd do an arc focusing on the kids, showing how their parents ''don't'' rape them, or he'd have Sonichu and the gang violently murder potential child molesters, like in ''[[wikipedia: M (1931 film)|M]]'' but without the satire (also, Chris isn't as charming as Peter Lorre). Frankly, I'd love to see more of Robbie and Co. specifically because of how vile they are. If we didn't want to read awful shit, we wouldn't be reading ''Sonichu''.

I'm probably getting over-excited, but I ''do'' think we could be on to something. And considering how much we all hate those little fuzzbags, it would be 31 flavours of fun.

===Chris-Chan the Superhero===
Whenever anyone calls Chris on his unwarranted self-importance, he always insists that he ''doesn't'' think he's perfect. And the first (and last) flaw he admits to is his autism. He does this in one of the Alec phone calls; I can't remember which, and don't feel like looking it up. In Mailbags, Chris has occasionally said that he wishes he didn't have his autism.

And yet he is unusually proud of it at other times. It's usually one of the first things about himself he brings up when meeting a new person, or on his dating site profiles.

I've got a big ugly hairy birthmark on my leg, just above the knee. I've wished I didn't have it sometimes, and I've worried that it might be socially off-putting at pool parties. It may be part of the reason I don't wear shorts much. The point is, I don't bring up this birthmark at every possible opportunity the way Chris brings up his autism. I try not to think about it, because that way I can move past it. Chris doesn't want to move past his autism. He ''is'', on some level, proud of it.

In Chris' mind, autism is like a superpower. He will gleefully use it to link himself to other famous Aspies like Leonardo da Vinci or Michelangelo Buonarroti, both of whom were only ''probably'' autistic and were ''certainly'' gay as maypoles (seriously, have you ever really looked at the Sistine Chapel ceiling?). Chris doesn't mention Nicola Tesla much, because he's probably not learned enough to know who he was. Anyway, there have been many autistic people who were extremely talented (although I maintain that Raphael and Caravaggio were better painters than Leonardo and Michelangelo). Movies like ''Rain Man'' and its impersonators have mystified the hell out of autism; all fictional autistics are mathematical geniuses, brilliant code-crackers, or just plain psychic. Note that in ''The Areas of my Expertise'', the only one who can understand the clicking language of the giant cockroaches from the movie ''Mimic'' is a small autistic child playing the spoons. That sentence probably makes no sense if you haven't read the book. So read it.

Anyway, when Chris says his autism is his one flaw, he doesn't really mean it. He sees it as a superpower that makes him smarter. It may seem counter-intuitive, then, for him to list it as a flaw, but ask yourself this: how many superheroes can you name who are unambiguously happy with their powers? There are a couple, like Human Torch or the occasional Green Lantern, but they mostly stand out in contrast. Spider-Man is always going on about how his powers are a curse. [[Jackie_e-mails#That.27s_what_she_said|Superman never made any money for saving the world from Solomon Grundy.]] The ''1602'' version of Thor worries that his powers are a danger to his immortal soul. Utterly embracing your superpowers and admitting that they're a fantastic thing is more the realm of villains: guys like Magneto, Darryl Revok, General Zod, Voldemort, Green Goblin... I could go on. These guys want to enslave us normals and take their "rightful" place as king.

Chris thinks his autism is a superpower, but he wants to act humble about it because ''he thinks he's a superhero'', and for his TV-raised mind, humility is part and parcel with heroics. Enjoy the paradox: he's pretending to be humble out of pompousness.

===Chris the Rules Lawyer===
On the [[Attraction Sign]], Chris always limited himself to women 18 and up. The only restriction on his desire to nail [[Meg Griffin]] is the fact that Seth MacFarlane has to let her turn 18 first. But he makes no attempt to hide the fact that he finds her hot ''now''. And he's gone [[Mailbag_3#In_Which_Chris_Advises_Hitler_to_Keep_His_Promises|on record]] as saying he thinks the legal age of consent should be lowered to 16.

Now, most of us would be capable of having sex with a girl (or guy, depending) who was a year or two underage. We could, but we wouldn't, because it's not appropriate. Balance of power, formative years, etc. Whereas with a 10-year old, we just plain couldn't. Ephebophilia is criminal, but it isn't necessarily perverted.

Perhaps partly due to his autism, Chris doesn't quite understand the subtle shades here. For him, everything is dichotomous: either something is legal and okay, or it's illegal and not okay. So if it became legal for him to go after 16-year olds, he'd do it in a heartbeat. It wouldn't occur to him that a lot of people would still look down on him for it, although if it did, he'd probably do it anyway.

When Chris condemned [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] for dating a girl who was below the legal age limit, I don't think that was just him being a [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrite]] again (although his pursuit of [[Facebook_messages#Christina_Katherine_Trevillian|Christina Trevillian]] certainly was). Chris (or so he tells himself) wouldn't go after underage girls unless it was legal. Jason was doing it already, and although he was probably only 19 or so at the time and most people wouldn't have much problem with the two-year age gap, this angered Chris. Possibly out of jealousy.

What Jason and Kathleen were doing (assuming they did it at all; I'm not sure they ever even dated, much less had sex) was technically illegal (I think; I'm not sure how Tennessee does it, but up here in Canada we've got a degree of wiggle room), but most people would find it socially acceptable. What Chris wants to do would be legal under the proposed circumstances, and that makes all the difference. He's not condemning their having sex, but he's condemning their violation of those dumb laws. Even though he thinks they're dumb, he still fears and obeys them.

What Chris cares about is the law itself, and not the reasoning for it or the social implications of it.

===How the above rambling relates to the plot to ''Sonichu''===

If something is okay, then it's completely, always, forever okay. This idea is probably partly caused by the autism, and partly caused by Chris being too lazy to pay attention to the distinctions. Sonichu was sufficiently original for that school project, so he's sufficiently original for copyright. Once a girl is 18, it's entirely socially acceptable for a guy (regardless of his own age, even if he's in his 70s) to go after her. Which leads me to this next point.

Once or twice in the mailbag (I don't feel like hunting down the specific instances), somebody calls Chris on an out-of-left-field plot point or his reliance on stealing jokes from other sources, or just something strange that happened in his comic. And his reaction is - I think - very telling: another show did it at some point, so it must be okay. Therefore, ''Sonichu'' will also do it.

We all know that Chris is incapable of actually creating something, and that, like Sauron, he can only corrupt and imitate what he has already seen. This is basically an admission of that, as well as a strong indicator of why he thinks that's okay.

''[[Family Guy]]'' references other works all the time. [[Monty Python]] often did wholly unexpected, sometimes random things. ''[[Excel Saga]]'' has both of its creators as recurring characters. ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' is frequently assisted by her time-displaced daughter from the future.

All these are things Chris has done, and in his mind, if it's okay for other shows to do them, then it's okay for him. What he [[fail]]s to acknowledge is:
*A joke needs setup, which Chris doesn't understand. We've discussed this plenty on the page for [[Monty Python]], and I see no need to repeat it here.
*A single trope can be used to many different purposes. For example, let's take the author avatars in ''Excel Saga''. The one of the author of the original comic (I can't remember his name; I've only seen two episodes of the show ever and I was drunk) is there just to make fun of how little the cartoon resembles the source material. The one of the creator of the cartoon is incredibly badass, yes, but he's also a spoof of the Marty Stu, and we aren't meant to take him seriously. Whereas Comic Chris is meant to be completely sympathetic and entirely, dramatically serious. There's no irony there. He's just a Stu. Therefore, people aren't annoyed that Chris is a character in his own comic, as he thinks we are; we're annoyed because of how wankingly he writes himself.
*Some tropes need effort to pull off properly. Take how easily Sonichu can defeat Mary Lee Walsh. It's true that Sonic can (just about) always beat Robotnik, but fans of the show accept that because the writers bothered to make it believable (or maybe they didn't, but let's assume they did for the sake of argument). Good writers will stretch things out to create uncertainty, so that even if you know that the hero is going to win, you still watch because part of you isn't completely sure, and the rest of you wants to see how it's done. All of the fight scenes in Sonichu are curb stomp battles fought by a boring invincible hero. There's no tension, partly because of that whole [[Chris and Reality|Toon World idea]] of his, but mostly just because Chris doesn't know why tension is interesting. All he knows is "Sonic always wins. I like Sonic. Therefore, I like characters who always win."
*Some tropes only work because of their novelty. Comedy, in particular, relies on being unexpected. In this case, ''Sonichu'' fails where others succeed specifically ''because'' they've already succeeded there. Chris doesn't understand why people get irritated with the time-traveling Crystal. After all, ''Sailor Moon'' did it, so it must be okay. The reason people get annoyed is because they already saw it on ''Sailor Moon'' and are mad at Chris for ripping it off and not even trying to hide it. Or maybe, like me, they find even ''Sailor Moon'' to be aggressively retarded, in which case, it's more an example of this next point.
*Some tropes are just stupid. Even if he sees them in another work, even a professionally-made one, he doesn't notice when they're wholly unconvincing. Perhaps fans of the show hate that episode for its use of that plot point and try to pretend it never happened. Perhaps it was just a [[Ghostbusters|terrible]] [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|work]] to begin with. Considering his utter denial that the ''Sonic'' games have dropped sharply in quality, it's not surprising to see that Chris likes his very favourite things without any criticism whatever (which means that he doesn't really like ''Family Guy'' and ''[[Power Rangers]]'' all that much). Chris is ripping off a failure, and he can't help but fail as well.

When it comes to story-writing, Chris is like a kid panicking while taking a test in school. He tries to read off other people's papers, and just hopes that it'll be okay..

User:Manwithoutabody/Second Soliloquy

2010-11-05T14:38:02Z

Manwithoutabody: Created page with "You can read more of my babbling over here. ===Chris and Manos=== This was originally on my user page, an then it was..."

You can read more of my babbling over [[User:Manwithoutabody/Lord,_I_Was_Born_a_Ramblin'_Man| here]].

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, an then it was on my first rambling, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Bouldrer-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy
===Why ''Sonichu'' Stands Out as Particularly Awful===
Issue 2 was where it all got fascinating.

Sure, 0 and 1 were terrible, but they were blandly terrible. I'm sure you could find a million dumbasses on the internet with equally inane and stupid fancomics. I think that's what SonichuIzCool, poor soul that she is, liked. Back then, it was just low quality adventures with terrible characters. She probably liked it just because she liked Sonic and Pikachu, and, like Chris, lacked the ability to judge a work by its quality rather than its premise. Sure, it got worse, but in both their minds, it remained the relatively innocent thing it was at first. Unlike Chris, though, that poor girl (as far as I can tell from what little is known about her) isn't a bad person.

It was with Sonichu 2 that Chris's terrible personality finally began to take over the comic. 1 and 0 were a cliche storm, but they kept Chris's awful, self-justifying personality limited to the Sub-Episodes. Chris was a recurring guest character in his own comic, which, in and of itself, isn't too bad (whiny though his segments were). With Issue 2, it became all about him, and that's when it became the single worst webcomic in known history.

One of Chris's many problems is that, due to his lack of imagination and general laze, he never writes anything that is just ''Sonichu''. At least, not since Issues 0 and 1, which were very cliche-ridden and uncreative. What I mean by this is that not once do Sonichu and friends have any adventures that are only there to entertain. They don't travel to a strange new country to help the locals thwart Count Graduon's invasion. They don't track down the Sonichu Crystals (or balls, or whatever). They don't have to deal with a monster of the week.

Sonichu 3 introduced the Chaotic Combo, but none of them really ''did'' anything. Sure, they had their whole "dating education" bit in ''Sonichu 9'', but that was hardly the sort of high-flying adventure Chris clearly wants the comic to be. Their introduction was a way of stalling; Sonichu can't go on epic adventures yet because we haven't introduced all the characters! After they were introduced, Chris lost interest in them, so Issue 4 was all about him again.

From what I gather, Chris intended the comic to be akin to a Saturday morning cartoon, and such shows - regardless of their quality - consist primarily of what is technically filler. There will be many episodes that have no real impact on any plot arcs and only exist to fill up space and entertain the audience. They may still be excellent episodes (I will admit that "Vincent and the Doctor", despite adding very little to the ongoing plot arc of ''Doctor Who'', still made me cry a little). Almost any given episode of ''Pokemon'' will (or at least, this was the case when I was watching it) have the following plot:
1.Ash and friends go to a place where people and Pokemon are interacting in an idiosyncratic way (dealing with a Diglet pest problem, making perfume with help from Grass types, farming Ponyta, going on safari to watch Kangaskhan, etc.) 
2.Team Rocket arrive, deliver their introductory speech, create problems 
3.Ash and friends defeat Team Rocket 
4.The people Ash helped thank him by waving at him a lot as he leaves with his friends

That's not artistic brilliance, but it's professional. It's clear that the writers, animators, and actors want to get paid, and they're giving the fans what they want, and that's fine. It's pulp, with a fairly young target audience, so you can't expect too much from it. Maybe once in a while, they'd do an episode that was really personally important to them (like that ''Digimon'' episode with the out-of-nowhere ''Shadow Over Innsmouth'' homages) and leave all the fans scratching their heads and alienated. That's not professional; that's personal, and they're taking a big risk by doing that. If they want to keep being, first and foremost, pulp, then they'd better do it very infrequently.

Starting with Issue 2, ''Sonichu'' does this all the time. We're given some standard goals for the characters (save Crystal, get the Sonichu Crystals, defeat Graduon, save Zelina from Clawdorf), but nobody, least of all Chris, puts any effort into them.

Partly, this is because it's an amateur comic. Chris makes no money on it, so he doesn't need to give the fans what they want, and can just do whatever ''he'' wants. Because Chris lacks the discipline to create filler adventures for his characters, the most he can do is repeatedly assure us that Sonichu and friends are superheroes, but we don't really get to see any real evidence of this. In Chris's mind, they're frequently off fighting villains who aren't personally important to him. Villains like Robotnik, Giovanni, Metal Sonichu, and even (at first) Blake and Reldnahc. Notice anything these guys all have in common, besides being monstrously unoriginal? They all either vanished altogether from the comic or else had their personalities greatly retooled. That's because Chris doesn't care about them. Even Count Graduon, who was supposed to be the main villain of the series, has more or less disappeared. Mary Lee Walsh, formerly another primary villain, was finally defeated with ridiculous ease, while most of the issue was focused on torturing and demeaning four characters who had never appeared in the comic before but in real life had annoyed Chris.

He doesn't really enjoy writing these adventures anywhere near as much as he enjoys making personal attacks on his enemies. Seriously, when was the last time a villain appeared who ''wasn't'' based on a troll?

Even when Chris ''was'' writing the comic, he didn't really care about it. If he did, he would have created villains and adventures that he found appealing enough to write but ''weren't'' just recreations of his own life and his own problems.

Another problem is the wildly inconsistent tone. Because the comic is controlled by the whims of a deranged manchild, it's only about whatever is on his mind at the moment, and because it's updated so infrequently, this can vary tremendously between pages. It's supposed to be a ''Pokemon''/''Sonic''-esque adventure series, but there are no real adventures anymore. Sometimes it's pseudo-romantic ("The Genesis of the Lovehogs"), and sometimes it's a bawdy comedy about a guy who can't get any (those few moments when Chris is able to laugh at himself, although they're still not funny), and sometimes porn and sometimes it's torture porn. Chris can't come up with a "status quo" for his comic (a la ''The Simpsons'', where almost nothing ever changes), but he can't stick with any major plot arcs either (a la ''The Prisoner'', where if you miss a single episode you're lost, but then, you're probably lost anyway).

This is why he's always giving us "previews" of upcoming developments in ''Sonichu'', like the [[Giant Penis Comic]]. He wants to skip ahead to the parts that personally interest his id, and leave the rest of it for us to fill in. When there's no particular message he ''really'' needs to get out, he doesn't just write filler like most people do. He writes nothing whatever.

''Sonichu'' was once a derivative and generically crappy fancomic, but now, it's Chris's default way of lashing out at his enemies, and nothing else. It's gotten to the point where he never updates for any reason other than that.

User:Manwithoutabody/Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man

2010-11-05T14:37:42Z

Manwithoutabody:

Mostly just because [[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] made it look like such fun. It continues over [[User:Manwithoutaboy/Second_Soliloquy|yonder]].

===Why do we hate Sonees and Roseys so much?===
After all, none of Chris' characters are well-rounded or believable. One would assume that we would hate them all, more or less equally. But such is not the case. Let's take a look at why:
*Their voices. This is the most obvious one, and requires little explanation, really. Whether in print form ([[Sonichu 11|"Thank you for having me help you. I had fun. I wuv you."]]) or voice-acted by Chris ([[A Sonichu Day|"I had fun in a dweeeeeeeam!"]]), his attempt at creating a childlike speech impediment is unspeakable.
*Their appearances. I've noticed that in works like ''A Very Sonichu Adventure'' (which is awesome, by the way) the character design of the children receives a lot of hate. There's a lot of attention paid to their stubby arms in particular. Why is this? Kirby has similiar arms, and he, too, has comically enormous feet, yet Kirby is genuinely cute. I think it's because Kirby's design is quite subdued: he's just a ball with rudimentary limbs and a happy face. Nobody can object to that. Rosey and Sonee, however, are trying too hard to be cute. They've got the pointy ears, the chubby bodies, the ":3" harelip faces, the enormous eyes... Sonee has those pink Pikachu cheeks and Rosey even has a bow and can use her skirt as a parachute. They've got every "cute" trait Chris could call to mind, all rolled together, but with none of what made these traits work in the first place. The real key to it is...
* Their expressions. E.T. was hideous and malformed, but there was something about his manner and expression that made him cute anyway. Joseph Merrick, in both real life and the David Lynch movie with John Hurt, was covered in hideous tumours and was by no stretch a handsome man, but he was still very appealing and sweet. TVTropes calls this "Ugly Cute". These kids are the opposite: all of their babyish features look repellent to us because, probably as a result of Chris' lack of [[Art]]istic skill, ''their faces seem unnatural''. Sure, they smile all the time, but it's an unnatural smile, like on a clown. Now, even that can be made appealing if you're good enough at expressions: in ''The Man Who Laughs'', Conrad Veidt's character has his psycho grin on the whole time, but his eyes are still imbued with great feeling, so we can sympathize with him. Chris, however, has negated any such possibility: in his determination to convey a childlike innocence onto their faces, he gave them utterly blank eyes. Unlike with Hurt or Veidt, there is [[The Creepy Stare| nothing going on behind those eyes]].
* What they represent. These characters are obviously special to Chris, so it's fun to torture them just for the sake of annoying him, but there's more to it than that. They represent Chris' desire to be physically a child again, so that his behaviour will be more acceptable: on a kid, it's called innocence, but on an adult, it's called ignorance. Chris uses Robbie to relive his own childhood, because he's a narcissist. Cerah and Christine exist simply to complete Robbie's perfect youth, because Chris enjoys female companionship, whether sexual or otherwise, and because, as far as Chris is concerned, [[Women's Rights| women only exist for the benefit of men]]. The infant Sonees and Roseys are Chris' attempt at making his own failure to grow up into [[OkCupid| an endearing trait]] and a perfect crystallization (pardon the pun) of his narcissistic belief that his own childhood was deeply interesting and idyllic.

If you can think of another reason why they're so universally reviled, go ahead and tell me. I'm interested in why YOU find them so repulsive.

===Why Adults Write Kids' Shows===
Many kids in their early teens might make up exaggeratedly cute characters, because they're going through some serious changes and this is their way of saying goodbye to childhood. Sexual motifs start creeping in, and it can be a bit disturbing: 12-year olds come up with anthropomorphic whatevers with boobs, but they quickly grow out of that and go with one side or the other - it's either human characters who have sex and drink booze, or else it's cuddly, kid-friendly aminals [sic]. If an adult continues making up childlike stuff, then one of three things will happen:
*It's a kids' show, with an audience of children. The creator keeps doing it because he/she enjoyed his/her own childhood, and wants to help today's kids enjoy their own. It can be a lovingly-crafted monument to innocence that entertains parents as much as kids (''Sesame Street'') or it can be a cheaply-made throwaway work that assumes all kids are idiots (''The Care Bears'').
*It's a pastiche of kids' shows, deriving humour from the juxtaposition of cutesy characters and childlike references with adult concepts like sexuality and alcohol. The creator keeps doing it because he/she wishes to comment on the entertainment of his/her own childhood, and people will watch it because it caters specifically to their generation. It can be a clever and affectionate caper (''Homestar Runner''), an angry but ingenious satire (''The Venture Brothers''), or an unfunny mess that relies on shock value (''Avenue Q'').
*It's a warped horror with an audience consisting of the author and a few other pieces of human rubbish. The creator keeps doing it because they personally find it titillating, but it's probably a cry for help. The author, like everybody in the audience, is a demented man-/womanchild who is stuck in that adolescent limbo, having [[fail]]ed to reconcile his/her adult and childish interests, so instead combines the two, not in a humourous way as above, but with dead seriousness. Hence the internet's obsession with ''Lolita''. Hence furries. Hence people who can't differentiate between cute (childlike, inspiring our compassion and parental instincts) and cute (sexy). This ranges from the awful (most fanfiction) to the incredibly awful (''Sonichu'').
Chris is the only person who could possibly enjoy his comics in anything other than a so-bad-it's-good way. He makes solipsistic references that most readers wouldn't get, indulges his own fantasies and fetishes, builds himself up, and does nothing whatever to make the comic entertaining for anyone other than himself. Since ''Sonichu'' is written with no audience in mind but its author, it's much more a "slice of the author's mind" than a professional, published work, or even an amateur work created by someone who cares about his/her viewers. Works we create entirely for our own benefit should probably not see the light of day without being edited first.

===On the individual roles of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]===
Let's note that Robbie is the youngest of the three, because Chris wishes he were younger than he is. Although in his [[Love Quest]] he limits himself to younger women, this is probably just because he heard somewhere that it's more socially acceptable. Considering that he expects his [[sweetheart]] to initiate things and then support him utterly, he certainly wants her to be ''emotionally'' older, if not literally. Note that Sonichu is derived from a Pikachu, whereas Rosechu is part-Raichu. Note also that in Robbie's infamous [[A Sonichu Day|dweeeeam]] (a fantasy existing within a fantasy), Cera saves him from some kind of nonspecific danger.

When Chris talks about how STRONG he is and how he looks like a trucker, that's his half-hearted attempt at being what he thinks society demands of a MAN. But what he really WANTS to be is a baby; an adorable, bunny-eared baby who is allowed to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|relieve himself wherever he wants]], even on lizards.

Cerah is really bland, because Chris didn't actually know much about [[Sarah Hammer]]'s personality. Like most of his female characters, she's just sort of "[[Chloe Rosechu|generic girl]]".

Christine, however, is Shiny (read: unique/speshul) and terribly vain. Who else do we know who is inordinately proud of [[Heterochromia|peculiar colouration]] and [[Autism|inherent speshulness]], [[Chris_and_fashion#Theory_of_fashion|loves staring at mirrors]], and is [[Ego|incredibly vain]]? Who else [[McIntire_Park#Chris_in_a_Council_Meeting|loves being on stage]] and considers the loss of virginity to be an unambiguously good thing? Christine, like [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], shares many traits with Chris. In fact, it's probably not a coincidence that Christine was practicing her lines in front of a mirror, Chris needed to study his appearance in a mirror, and Crystal got trapped inside a mirror. So if both Christine and Robbie are basically the same person as Chris, this says a lot of unsurprising things about how Chris envisions an ideal childhood: there'd be him, another person exactly like him, and a stand-in for someone who really was there (regardless of how she [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares|actually treated him]]). I'm not sure which he'd rather bone.

===Narcissism, Chauvinism, and Incest===

It's easy to understand why Chris' work has so many incestuous undertones. It shows up in Byron's work, too. The only difference is that Byron was marginally (though only marginally) more talented than Chris. I really, really hate Byron

Anyway, in the typical, egotistical Romantic fantasy (I'm using 'fantasy' in the non-Tolkienian sense and in more of a wish fulfillment sense), we've got our egomaniacal, angsty, brooding protagonist, and we've got his Young Love, who is now dead. She's probably not too bright (or if she is, it's an informed attribute that never really comes up), and she's usually really happy and saintly and childlike and above all, innocent. She represents the protagonist's lost innocence - since most of the Romantics were [[Women's Rights|ragingly chauvinistic or misogynistic]], it's not surprising that a female character should be defined only in her relationship to the male protagonist. When she dies, it's somehow his fault and he goes on a giant angst rampage. That's basically the plot to ''Manfred'' right there.

Chris and Byron have a similiar idea of how their ideal woman should be: she's sweet and caring and nurturing and all that Jorth stuff. She's the image of classical, Pleistocene femininity. But she can't be completely universal; she has to be like this only around him. A major defining trait of the Young Love is that she's the only one who really understands him, because they've known each other their whole lives and because she's utterly devoted to Manfred, and he, too, is utterly devoted to Manfred. So all their conversations are mostly about how he needs to lighten up, see the good in people, etc. It's never about her, because she only exists for him. And he's such a narcissist that he finds this appealing: the only reason he could ever love anyone other than himself is because she's fanatically devoted to him.

Are you ready for the kicker? The twist ending of ''Manfred'' is that she (I don't even think she gets a name) was also his sister. Not only was her entire existence based on him, but she was also as genetically close to him as possible. She's a copy of him. It's worth saying that Byron was sexually involved with his own half-sister, and Manfred (like most of Byron's protagonists) is a giant Marty Stu.

So how does this relate to Chris? We know that he thrives on wish-fulfillment fantasies; he retells episodes of his own life to cast himself in a better light, he comforts himself with ideas of us as losers without lives of our own, and he creates his own dream world in [[CWCville]]. Now, CWCville is much brighter and sunnier than Byron's gloomy, thunderstormy landscape which he stole from Goth writers like Horace Walpole, but that's not the point. The point is that both of them are/were determined to be the hero, even though they are/were, in fact, horrible people.
Chris has had boners for many, many women, but the two that I consider to be the most interesting are Sarah Hammer and Crystal (sister, but daughter works just as well). I say this because there was nothing particularly strange about his crush on Megan or Ivy; sure, they motivated him to do strange and creepy things, but the attraction itself wasn't too noteworthy.

Sarah, however, was a childhood friend. Now, I hate hate ''hate'' it when, in fiction, the hero falls in love with his childhood best friend, because it's creepy and full of incestuous undertones. There will be this big deal made about [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares| childhood memories they've shared together]], most of which are the sort of memories that most of us share with our siblings. I suspect that I find incest even more disgusting than most other people do.

Anyway, back to Sarah. Chris wanted to do her even though, according to the Westermarck Effect (if you've seen a reference to it anywhere on this wiki, I probably put it there because I think more writers need to know it exists) he should probably see her as a sister figure. It's possible that they didn't really know each other that well, so maybe the Effect never took hold. However, this seems doubtful for two reasons:
*Chris lived next door to Sarah between the ages of two and ten. The first six years are the critical age for the Effect to kick in, so it had plenty of time.
*Sarah gets a Rosey avatar, and that avatar is ''Robbie's sister''. This means that she was integral enough a part of his childhood that he had to include her in Robbie's. This also means that he really could see her as both sister and lover.

When Chris was trying to get with Sarah, he really played up the childhood friends angle. He was trying to turn their childhood into Manfred's, with her as his Young Love and they reconnect and all that bullshit. There was a twist in that he was being even more self-pitying by going on about how she tricked him about Casper and always beat him in hide-and-seek. In fact, I think he was trying to turn himself into HER Young Love. Think about it: when the Young Love doesn't die and ends up living happily with the protagonist, there's a lot of guilt involved. If he doesn't marry her, then he's abandoning her, betraying her. He somehow owes it to her, by virtue of her being the first girl he met. Chris was trying a gender swap again, but it was only partial: he gave himself the whininess and the saintly victimhood of the Young Love, but, being Chris, he couldn't give up the Byronic self-obsession.

Now, I'm not saying Chris read Byron and got his ideas from him. I'm saying that Chris' mind works in a similiarly egotistic way that Byron's did. Similiar fantasies appealed to them both. Furthermore, Byron isn't the only writer to use this motif; he just took it to its logical and horrible conclusion. Chris has probably seen the Romance-With-A-Childhood-Friend in other works of fiction. Did ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' ever do this? I never saw that show. Anyway, we know that he takes everything he sees on TV at face value.

Now, I can't confirm that Chris fantasized about having sex with either Crystal, but I would still argue that he did. Probably with both. We mustn't ignore just how lovingly Chris detailed Crystal's breasts, or her alarming resemblance to the "Girlfriend's Gift" trading card, or the whole business with the Rosechu medallion.

What I think happened with the trading card is this: before Chris came up with the idea of Crystal, he drew this as a [[Lovely Weather]]-like speculation of what his eventual true love would look like. What with his incredible masturbatory ego, she naturally dressed exactly like him and probably shared his beliefs on homos, those dumb laws, and all that fun stuff. Later on, as she became more and more exactly like him, she gradually became his twin. And he saw nothing wrong with that.

Would you be surprised if Chris' ideal woman were basically him, but with breasts? Most of us want to be with people who will help us to improve and grow ([[Simonla| opposites]] [[Wild|attract]], after all), but Chris clearly wants no such thing. His ideal woman would be someone who flatters him completely by agreeing with him about everything. She's completely devoted to him, like Byron's Young Love.

As for Crystal the daughter, it's really the same issue: he wants a daughter because he wants someone raised to understand him and see his way of doing things as "normal". Once again, he's determined to be understood and to force people to accept him. While it's doubtful that Chris is an actual pedophile, I don't see it as particularly out of character for him to molest ''post''pubescent daughter. Why?

[[Sandy Rosechu]]. She's basically the same person as her mother. Now, some of this is just because Chris cares more about getting revenge on Evan than about telling a story, but he seems to see children as exact clones of their parents, not just genetically but socially. Sandy has the exact same relationship to [[Zapina]] as [[Simonla]] did. Although Chris probably wouldn't dare to show it on the page, I think that in his mind, she has the same relationship to [[Wild]] as Simonla did, too. When we look at how Wild forced her into adulthood, we really worry.

If Crystal were ever born, the moment she reached puberty, Chris would become attracted to her. He'd see a woman who looked like a (hypothetical) woman he'd banged, and who shared all of his views and agreed with him about everything, including "those dumb laws". And we've seen how well Chris behaves when he's attracted to [[Megan|someone]].

===On the potential of Sonees and Roseys===
One of the most irritating things about the [[Mailbag]] was that Chris could always respond with smugness or [[Mailbag 52|canned responses]]. And with this relative dry spell we've been having for the first half of 2010, we need something to shock Chris back into action. In past, we had three tactics, which have worked pretty well:
*A [[sweetheart]]. The idea that his comic might one day get him laid has been one of Chris' most treasured delusions since the beginning. Sadly, he's becoming increasingly wary of this one, although the video where he demonstrates his cunnilingus technique was pretty funny.
*Infringe on his identity. [[Liquid]], [[Jimmy Hill]], [[Asperchu]], that whole kerfuffle over the [[Audiobooks]], UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! ETCETERA! ETCETERA! [[Sonichu Season 2]] was meant to do that, but we haven't had much reaction from Chris yet, so maybe this one's running dry, too.
*Question his sexuality, either by suggesting he's gay (which I've never found particularly funny, because homophobia was supposed to be his thing, not ours), suggesting that he's a pedo, or by suggesting Rosechu to be a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania. This, too, has lost some of its power as he's just ignoring us a lot of the time, probably on [[Rocky]]'s advice.

All those have been fun, but to jolt Chris out of apathy and [[PS3]], we may need to try a new tactic. Either that, or we just wait for him to get mad at something trivial again, but I get impatient sometimes.

Go to [[Mailbag 54]] and read the email about Creepichu, who I believe would have been a wonderful character. Look at Chris' reaction to the thought of anything bad happening to Sonees. Even though the sender is obviously not condoning this but asking Chris to be forgiving (like in the story of Joseph), Chris ''still'' gets all screamy and horrified by the mere suggestion, a fairly rare occurrence on the Mailbag.

Look at [[CWC Update 12 August 2009|Chris' reaction]] to the rape fanart about Sonees and Roseys. You guys really hit a nerve with that. Why? Partly his standard defensive reaction to allegations of unorthodox sexual practices (whether by his characters or Chris himself, since his characters are all basically just him anyway), partly the frequent depiction of Rosechu with a wiener, but I think there was even more to it than that. Whether sexually or otherwise, when those kids are threatened in any way, Chris gets very upset.

Infrequent though their appearances are, the kids are very important to Chris. Perhaps the reason they appear so infrequently (serious, you'd think he'd have given them and [[Heather Iglesias]] a plot ripped off of ''[[Mary Poppins]]'' by now) is that they're so special he's afraid he won't do it right, or he's too lazy to put in as much care as he thinks they deserve, or maybe he wants to keep them special and avoid overuse.

I believe that if we can get his attention again, and attract it to something like ''A Very Sonichu Adventure'', we could reinvigorate Chris and maybe get him to start writing the comic again. Maybe he'd do an arc focusing on the kids, showing how their parents ''don't'' rape them, or he'd have Sonichu and the gang violently murder potential child molesters, like in ''[[wikipedia: M (1931 film)|M]]'' but without the satire (also, Chris isn't as charming as Peter Lorre). Frankly, I'd love to see more of Robbie and Co. specifically because of how vile they are. If we didn't want to read awful shit, we wouldn't be reading ''Sonichu''.

I'm probably getting over-excited, but I ''do'' think we could be on to something. And considering how much we all hate those little fuzzbags, it would be 31 flavours of fun.

===Chris-Chan the Superhero===
Whenever anyone calls Chris on his unwarranted self-importance, he always insists that he ''doesn't'' think he's perfect. And the first (and last) flaw he admits to is his autism. He does this in one of the Alec phone calls; I can't remember which, and don't feel like looking it up. In Mailbags, Chris has occasionally said that he wishes he didn't have his autism.

And yet he is unusually proud of it at other times. It's usually one of the first things about himself he brings up when meeting a new person, or on his dating site profiles.

I've got a big ugly hairy birthmark on my leg, just above the knee. I've wished I didn't have it sometimes, and I've worried that it might be socially off-putting at pool parties. It may be part of the reason I don't wear shorts much. The point is, I don't bring up this birthmark at every possible opportunity the way Chris brings up his autism. I try not to think about it, because that way I can move past it. Chris doesn't want to move past his autism. He ''is'', on some level, proud of it.

In Chris' mind, autism is like a superpower. He will gleefully use it to link himself to other famous Aspies like Leonardo da Vinci or Michelangelo Buonarroti, both of whom were only ''probably'' autistic and were ''certainly'' gay as maypoles (seriously, have you ever really looked at the Sistine Chapel ceiling?). Chris doesn't mention Nicola Tesla much, because he's probably not learned enough to know who he was. Anyway, there have been many autistic people who were extremely talented (although I maintain that Raphael and Caravaggio were better painters than Leonardo and Michelangelo). Movies like ''Rain Man'' and its impersonators have mystified the hell out of autism; all fictional autistics are mathematical geniuses, brilliant code-crackers, or just plain psychic. Note that in ''The Areas of my Expertise'', the only one who can understand the clicking language of the giant cockroaches from the movie ''Mimic'' is a small autistic child playing the spoons. That sentence probably makes no sense if you haven't read the book. So read it.

Anyway, when Chris says his autism is his one flaw, he doesn't really mean it. He sees it as a superpower that makes him smarter. It may seem counter-intuitive, then, for him to list it as a flaw, but ask yourself this: how many superheroes can you name who are unambiguously happy with their powers? There are a couple, like Human Torch or the occasional Green Lantern, but they mostly stand out in contrast. Spider-Man is always going on about how his powers are a curse. [[Jackie_e-mails#That.27s_what_she_said|Superman never made any money for saving the world from Solomon Grundy.]] The ''1602'' version of Thor worries that his powers are a danger to his immortal soul. Utterly embracing your superpowers and admitting that they're a fantastic thing is more the realm of villains: guys like Magneto, Darryl Revok, General Zod, Voldemort, Green Goblin... I could go on. These guys want to enslave us normals and take their "rightful" place as king.

Chris thinks his autism is a superpower, but he wants to act humble about it because ''he thinks he's a superhero'', and for his TV-raised mind, humility is part and parcel with heroics. Enjoy the paradox: he's pretending to be humble out of pompousness.

===Chris the Rules Lawyer===
On the [[Attraction Sign]], Chris always limited himself to women 18 and up. The only restriction on his desire to nail [[Meg Griffin]] is the fact that Seth MacFarlane has to let her turn 18 first. But he makes no attempt to hide the fact that he finds her hot ''now''. And he's gone [[Mailbag_3#In_Which_Chris_Advises_Hitler_to_Keep_His_Promises|on record]] as saying he thinks the legal age of consent should be lowered to 16.

Now, most of us would be capable of having sex with a girl (or guy, depending) who was a year or two underage. We could, but we wouldn't, because it's not appropriate. Balance of power, formative years, etc. Whereas with a 10-year old, we just plain couldn't. Ephebophilia is criminal, but it isn't necessarily perverted.

Perhaps partly due to his autism, Chris doesn't quite understand the subtle shades here. For him, everything is dichotomous: either something is legal and okay, or it's illegal and not okay. So if it became legal for him to go after 16-year olds, he'd do it in a heartbeat. It wouldn't occur to him that a lot of people would still look down on him for it, although if it did, he'd probably do it anyway.

When Chris condemned [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] for dating a girl who was below the legal age limit, I don't think that was just him being a [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrite]] again (although his pursuit of [[Facebook_messages#Christina_Katherine_Trevillian|Christina Trevillian]] certainly was). Chris (or so he tells himself) wouldn't go after underage girls unless it was legal. Jason was doing it already, and although he was probably only 19 or so at the time and most people wouldn't have much problem with the two-year age gap, this angered Chris. Possibly out of jealousy.

What Jason and Kathleen were doing (assuming they did it at all; I'm not sure they ever even dated, much less had sex) was technically illegal (I think; I'm not sure how Tennessee does it, but up here in Canada we've got a degree of wiggle room), but most people would find it socially acceptable. What Chris wants to do would be legal under the proposed circumstances, and that makes all the difference. He's not condemning their having sex, but he's condemning their violation of those dumb laws. Even though he thinks they're dumb, he still fears and obeys them.

What Chris cares about is the law itself, and not the reasoning for it or the social implications of it.

===How the above rambling relates to the plot to ''Sonichu''===

If something is okay, then it's completely, always, forever okay. This idea is probably partly caused by the autism, and partly caused by Chris being too lazy to pay attention to the distinctions. Sonichu was sufficiently original for that school project, so he's sufficiently original for copyright. Once a girl is 18, it's entirely socially acceptable for a guy (regardless of his own age, even if he's in his 70s) to go after her. Which leads me to this next point.

Once or twice in the mailbag (I don't feel like hunting down the specific instances), somebody calls Chris on an out-of-left-field plot point or his reliance on stealing jokes from other sources, or just something strange that happened in his comic. And his reaction is - I think - very telling: another show did it at some point, so it must be okay. Therefore, ''Sonichu'' will also do it.

We all know that Chris is incapable of actually creating something, and that, like Sauron, he can only corrupt and imitate what he has already seen. This is basically an admission of that, as well as a strong indicator of why he thinks that's okay.

''[[Family Guy]]'' references other works all the time. [[Monty Python]] often did wholly unexpected, sometimes random things. ''[[Excel Saga]]'' has both of its creators as recurring characters. ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' is frequently assisted by her time-displaced daughter from the future.

All these are things Chris has done, and in his mind, if it's okay for other shows to do them, then it's okay for him. What he [[fail]]s to acknowledge is:
*A joke needs setup, which Chris doesn't understand. We've discussed this plenty on the page for [[Monty Python]], and I see no need to repeat it here.
*A single trope can be used to many different purposes. For example, let's take the author avatars in ''Excel Saga''. The one of the author of the original comic (I can't remember his name; I've only seen two episodes of the show ever and I was drunk) is there just to make fun of how little the cartoon resembles the source material. The one of the creator of the cartoon is incredibly badass, yes, but he's also a spoof of the Marty Stu, and we aren't meant to take him seriously. Whereas Comic Chris is meant to be completely sympathetic and entirely, dramatically serious. There's no irony there. He's just a Stu. Therefore, people aren't annoyed that Chris is a character in his own comic, as he thinks we are; we're annoyed because of how wankingly he writes himself.
*Some tropes need effort to pull off properly. Take how easily Sonichu can defeat Mary Lee Walsh. It's true that Sonic can (just about) always beat Robotnik, but fans of the show accept that because the writers bothered to make it believable (or maybe they didn't, but let's assume they did for the sake of argument). Good writers will stretch things out to create uncertainty, so that even if you know that the hero is going to win, you still watch because part of you isn't completely sure, and the rest of you wants to see how it's done. All of the fight scenes in Sonichu are curb stomp battles fought by a boring invincible hero. There's no tension, partly because of that whole [[Chris and Reality|Toon World idea]] of his, but mostly just because Chris doesn't know why tension is interesting. All he knows is "Sonic always wins. I like Sonic. Therefore, I like characters who always win."
*Some tropes only work because of their novelty. Comedy, in particular, relies on being unexpected. In this case, ''Sonichu'' fails where others succeed specifically ''because'' they've already succeeded there. Chris doesn't understand why people get irritated with the time-traveling Crystal. After all, ''Sailor Moon'' did it, so it must be okay. The reason people get annoyed is because they already saw it on ''Sailor Moon'' and are mad at Chris for ripping it off and not even trying to hide it. Or maybe, like me, they find even ''Sailor Moon'' to be aggressively retarded, in which case, it's more an example of this next point.
*Some tropes are just stupid. Even if he sees them in another work, even a professionally-made one, he doesn't notice when they're wholly unconvincing. Perhaps fans of the show hate that episode for its use of that plot point and try to pretend it never happened. Perhaps it was just a [[Ghostbusters|terrible]] [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|work]] to begin with. Considering his utter denial that the ''Sonic'' games have dropped sharply in quality, it's not surprising to see that Chris likes his very favourite things without any criticism whatever (which means that he doesn't really like ''Family Guy'' and ''[[Power Rangers]]'' all that much). Chris is ripping off a failure, and he can't help but fail as well.

When it comes to story-writing, Chris is like a kid panicking while taking a test in school. He tries to read off other people's papers, and just hopes that it'll be okay..

User:Manwithoutabody/Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man

2010-11-05T14:34:10Z

Manwithoutabody:

Mostly just because [[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] made it look like such fun.

===Why do we hate Sonees and Roseys so much?===
After all, none of Chris' characters are well-rounded or believable. One would assume that we would hate them all, more or less equally. But such is not the case. Let's take a look at why:
*Their voices. This is the most obvious one, and requires little explanation, really. Whether in print form ([[Sonichu 11|"Thank you for having me help you. I had fun. I wuv you."]]) or voice-acted by Chris ([[A Sonichu Day|"I had fun in a dweeeeeeeam!"]]), his attempt at creating a childlike speech impediment is unspeakable.
*Their appearances. I've noticed that in works like ''A Very Sonichu Adventure'' (which is awesome, by the way) the character design of the children receives a lot of hate. There's a lot of attention paid to their stubby arms in particular. Why is this? Kirby has similiar arms, and he, too, has comically enormous feet, yet Kirby is genuinely cute. I think it's because Kirby's design is quite subdued: he's just a ball with rudimentary limbs and a happy face. Nobody can object to that. Rosey and Sonee, however, are trying too hard to be cute. They've got the pointy ears, the chubby bodies, the ":3" harelip faces, the enormous eyes... Sonee has those pink Pikachu cheeks and Rosey even has a bow and can use her skirt as a parachute. They've got every "cute" trait Chris could call to mind, all rolled together, but with none of what made these traits work in the first place. The real key to it is...
* Their expressions. E.T. was hideous and malformed, but there was something about his manner and expression that made him cute anyway. Joseph Merrick, in both real life and the David Lynch movie with John Hurt, was covered in hideous tumours and was by no stretch a handsome man, but he was still very appealing and sweet. TVTropes calls this "Ugly Cute". These kids are the opposite: all of their babyish features look repellent to us because, probably as a result of Chris' lack of [[Art]]istic skill, ''their faces seem unnatural''. Sure, they smile all the time, but it's an unnatural smile, like on a clown. Now, even that can be made appealing if you're good enough at expressions: in ''The Man Who Laughs'', Conrad Veidt's character has his psycho grin on the whole time, but his eyes are still imbued with great feeling, so we can sympathize with him. Chris, however, has negated any such possibility: in his determination to convey a childlike innocence onto their faces, he gave them utterly blank eyes. Unlike with Hurt or Veidt, there is [[The Creepy Stare| nothing going on behind those eyes]].
* What they represent. These characters are obviously special to Chris, so it's fun to torture them just for the sake of annoying him, but there's more to it than that. They represent Chris' desire to be physically a child again, so that his behaviour will be more acceptable: on a kid, it's called innocence, but on an adult, it's called ignorance. Chris uses Robbie to relive his own childhood, because he's a narcissist. Cerah and Christine exist simply to complete Robbie's perfect youth, because Chris enjoys female companionship, whether sexual or otherwise, and because, as far as Chris is concerned, [[Women's Rights| women only exist for the benefit of men]]. The infant Sonees and Roseys are Chris' attempt at making his own failure to grow up into [[OkCupid| an endearing trait]] and a perfect crystallization (pardon the pun) of his narcissistic belief that his own childhood was deeply interesting and idyllic.

If you can think of another reason why they're so universally reviled, go ahead and tell me. I'm interested in why YOU find them so repulsive.

===Why Adults Write Kids' Shows===
Many kids in their early teens might make up exaggeratedly cute characters, because they're going through some serious changes and this is their way of saying goodbye to childhood. Sexual motifs start creeping in, and it can be a bit disturbing: 12-year olds come up with anthropomorphic whatevers with boobs, but they quickly grow out of that and go with one side or the other - it's either human characters who have sex and drink booze, or else it's cuddly, kid-friendly aminals [sic]. If an adult continues making up childlike stuff, then one of three things will happen:
*It's a kids' show, with an audience of children. The creator keeps doing it because he/she enjoyed his/her own childhood, and wants to help today's kids enjoy their own. It can be a lovingly-crafted monument to innocence that entertains parents as much as kids (''Sesame Street'') or it can be a cheaply-made throwaway work that assumes all kids are idiots (''The Care Bears'').
*It's a pastiche of kids' shows, deriving humour from the juxtaposition of cutesy characters and childlike references with adult concepts like sexuality and alcohol. The creator keeps doing it because he/she wishes to comment on the entertainment of his/her own childhood, and people will watch it because it caters specifically to their generation. It can be a clever and affectionate caper (''Homestar Runner''), an angry but ingenious satire (''The Venture Brothers''), or an unfunny mess that relies on shock value (''Avenue Q'').
*It's a warped horror with an audience consisting of the author and a few other pieces of human rubbish. The creator keeps doing it because they personally find it titillating, but it's probably a cry for help. The author, like everybody in the audience, is a demented man-/womanchild who is stuck in that adolescent limbo, having [[fail]]ed to reconcile his/her adult and childish interests, so instead combines the two, not in a humourous way as above, but with dead seriousness. Hence the internet's obsession with ''Lolita''. Hence furries. Hence people who can't differentiate between cute (childlike, inspiring our compassion and parental instincts) and cute (sexy). This ranges from the awful (most fanfiction) to the incredibly awful (''Sonichu'').
Chris is the only person who could possibly enjoy his comics in anything other than a so-bad-it's-good way. He makes solipsistic references that most readers wouldn't get, indulges his own fantasies and fetishes, builds himself up, and does nothing whatever to make the comic entertaining for anyone other than himself. Since ''Sonichu'' is written with no audience in mind but its author, it's much more a "slice of the author's mind" than a professional, published work, or even an amateur work created by someone who cares about his/her viewers. Works we create entirely for our own benefit should probably not see the light of day without being edited first.

===On the individual roles of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]===
Let's note that Robbie is the youngest of the three, because Chris wishes he were younger than he is. Although in his [[Love Quest]] he limits himself to younger women, this is probably just because he heard somewhere that it's more socially acceptable. Considering that he expects his [[sweetheart]] to initiate things and then support him utterly, he certainly wants her to be ''emotionally'' older, if not literally. Note that Sonichu is derived from a Pikachu, whereas Rosechu is part-Raichu. Note also that in Robbie's infamous [[A Sonichu Day|dweeeeam]] (a fantasy existing within a fantasy), Cera saves him from some kind of nonspecific danger.

When Chris talks about how STRONG he is and how he looks like a trucker, that's his half-hearted attempt at being what he thinks society demands of a MAN. But what he really WANTS to be is a baby; an adorable, bunny-eared baby who is allowed to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|relieve himself wherever he wants]], even on lizards.

Cerah is really bland, because Chris didn't actually know much about [[Sarah Hammer]]'s personality. Like most of his female characters, she's just sort of "[[Chloe Rosechu|generic girl]]".

Christine, however, is Shiny (read: unique/speshul) and terribly vain. Who else do we know who is inordinately proud of [[Heterochromia|peculiar colouration]] and [[Autism|inherent speshulness]], [[Chris_and_fashion#Theory_of_fashion|loves staring at mirrors]], and is [[Ego|incredibly vain]]? Who else [[McIntire_Park#Chris_in_a_Council_Meeting|loves being on stage]] and considers the loss of virginity to be an unambiguously good thing? Christine, like [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], shares many traits with Chris. In fact, it's probably not a coincidence that Christine was practicing her lines in front of a mirror, Chris needed to study his appearance in a mirror, and Crystal got trapped inside a mirror. So if both Christine and Robbie are basically the same person as Chris, this says a lot of unsurprising things about how Chris envisions an ideal childhood: there'd be him, another person exactly like him, and a stand-in for someone who really was there (regardless of how she [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares|actually treated him]]). I'm not sure which he'd rather bone.

===Narcissism, Chauvinism, and Incest===

It's easy to understand why Chris' work has so many incestuous undertones. It shows up in Byron's work, too. The only difference is that Byron was marginally (though only marginally) more talented than Chris. I really, really hate Byron

Anyway, in the typical, egotistical Romantic fantasy (I'm using 'fantasy' in the non-Tolkienian sense and in more of a wish fulfillment sense), we've got our egomaniacal, angsty, brooding protagonist, and we've got his Young Love, who is now dead. She's probably not too bright (or if she is, it's an informed attribute that never really comes up), and she's usually really happy and saintly and childlike and above all, innocent. She represents the protagonist's lost innocence - since most of the Romantics were [[Women's Rights|ragingly chauvinistic or misogynistic]], it's not surprising that a female character should be defined only in her relationship to the male protagonist. When she dies, it's somehow his fault and he goes on a giant angst rampage. That's basically the plot to ''Manfred'' right there.

Chris and Byron have a similiar idea of how their ideal woman should be: she's sweet and caring and nurturing and all that Jorth stuff. She's the image of classical, Pleistocene femininity. But she can't be completely universal; she has to be like this only around him. A major defining trait of the Young Love is that she's the only one who really understands him, because they've known each other their whole lives and because she's utterly devoted to Manfred, and he, too, is utterly devoted to Manfred. So all their conversations are mostly about how he needs to lighten up, see the good in people, etc. It's never about her, because she only exists for him. And he's such a narcissist that he finds this appealing: the only reason he could ever love anyone other than himself is because she's fanatically devoted to him.

Are you ready for the kicker? The twist ending of ''Manfred'' is that she (I don't even think she gets a name) was also his sister. Not only was her entire existence based on him, but she was also as genetically close to him as possible. She's a copy of him. It's worth saying that Byron was sexually involved with his own half-sister, and Manfred (like most of Byron's protagonists) is a giant Marty Stu.

So how does this relate to Chris? We know that he thrives on wish-fulfillment fantasies; he retells episodes of his own life to cast himself in a better light, he comforts himself with ideas of us as losers without lives of our own, and he creates his own dream world in [[CWCville]]. Now, CWCville is much brighter and sunnier than Byron's gloomy, thunderstormy landscape which he stole from Goth writers like Horace Walpole, but that's not the point. The point is that both of them are/were determined to be the hero, even though they are/were, in fact, horrible people.
Chris has had boners for many, many women, but the two that I consider to be the most interesting are Sarah Hammer and Crystal (sister, but daughter works just as well). I say this because there was nothing particularly strange about his crush on Megan or Ivy; sure, they motivated him to do strange and creepy things, but the attraction itself wasn't too noteworthy.

Sarah, however, was a childhood friend. Now, I hate hate ''hate'' it when, in fiction, the hero falls in love with his childhood best friend, because it's creepy and full of incestuous undertones. There will be this big deal made about [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares| childhood memories they've shared together]], most of which are the sort of memories that most of us share with our siblings. I suspect that I find incest even more disgusting than most other people do.

Anyway, back to Sarah. Chris wanted to do her even though, according to the Westermarck Effect (if you've seen a reference to it anywhere on this wiki, I probably put it there because I think more writers need to know it exists) he should probably see her as a sister figure. It's possible that they didn't really know each other that well, so maybe the Effect never took hold. However, this seems doubtful for two reasons:
*Chris lived next door to Sarah between the ages of two and ten. The first six years are the critical age for the Effect to kick in, so it had plenty of time.
*Sarah gets a Rosey avatar, and that avatar is ''Robbie's sister''. This means that she was integral enough a part of his childhood that he had to include her in Robbie's. This also means that he really could see her as both sister and lover.

When Chris was trying to get with Sarah, he really played up the childhood friends angle. He was trying to turn their childhood into Manfred's, with her as his Young Love and they reconnect and all that bullshit. There was a twist in that he was being even more self-pitying by going on about how she tricked him about Casper and always beat him in hide-and-seek. In fact, I think he was trying to turn himself into HER Young Love. Think about it: when the Young Love doesn't die and ends up living happily with the protagonist, there's a lot of guilt involved. If he doesn't marry her, then he's abandoning her, betraying her. He somehow owes it to her, by virtue of her being the first girl he met. Chris was trying a gender swap again, but it was only partial: he gave himself the whininess and the saintly victimhood of the Young Love, but, being Chris, he couldn't give up the Byronic self-obsession.

Now, I'm not saying Chris read Byron and got his ideas from him. I'm saying that Chris' mind works in a similiarly egotistic way that Byron's did. Similiar fantasies appealed to them both. Furthermore, Byron isn't the only writer to use this motif; he just took it to its logical and horrible conclusion. Chris has probably seen the Romance-With-A-Childhood-Friend in other works of fiction. Did ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' ever do this? I never saw that show. Anyway, we know that he takes everything he sees on TV at face value.

Now, I can't confirm that Chris fantasized about having sex with either Crystal, but I would still argue that he did. Probably with both. We mustn't ignore just how lovingly Chris detailed Crystal's breasts, or her alarming resemblance to the "Girlfriend's Gift" trading card, or the whole business with the Rosechu medallion.

What I think happened with the trading card is this: before Chris came up with the idea of Crystal, he drew this as a [[Lovely Weather]]-like speculation of what his eventual true love would look like. What with his incredible masturbatory ego, she naturally dressed exactly like him and probably shared his beliefs on homos, those dumb laws, and all that fun stuff. Later on, as she became more and more exactly like him, she gradually became his twin. And he saw nothing wrong with that.

Would you be surprised if Chris' ideal woman were basically him, but with breasts? Most of us want to be with people who will help us to improve and grow ([[Simonla| opposites]] [[Wild|attract]], after all), but Chris clearly wants no such thing. His ideal woman would be someone who flatters him completely by agreeing with him about everything. She's completely devoted to him, like Byron's Young Love.

As for Crystal the daughter, it's really the same issue: he wants a daughter because he wants someone raised to understand him and see his way of doing things as "normal". Once again, he's determined to be understood and to force people to accept him. While it's doubtful that Chris is an actual pedophile, I don't see it as particularly out of character for him to molest ''post''pubescent daughter. Why?

[[Sandy Rosechu]]. She's basically the same person as her mother. Now, some of this is just because Chris cares more about getting revenge on Evan than about telling a story, but he seems to see children as exact clones of their parents, not just genetically but socially. Sandy has the exact same relationship to [[Zapina]] as [[Simonla]] did. Although Chris probably wouldn't dare to show it on the page, I think that in his mind, she has the same relationship to [[Wild]] as Simonla did, too. When we look at how Wild forced her into adulthood, we really worry.

If Crystal were ever born, the moment she reached puberty, Chris would become attracted to her. He'd see a woman who looked like a (hypothetical) woman he'd banged, and who shared all of his views and agreed with him about everything, including "those dumb laws". And we've seen how well Chris behaves when he's attracted to [[Megan|someone]].

===On the potential of Sonees and Roseys===
One of the most irritating things about the [[Mailbag]] was that Chris could always respond with smugness or [[Mailbag 52|canned responses]]. And with this relative dry spell we've been having for the first half of 2010, we need something to shock Chris back into action. In past, we had three tactics, which have worked pretty well:
*A [[sweetheart]]. The idea that his comic might one day get him laid has been one of Chris' most treasured delusions since the beginning. Sadly, he's becoming increasingly wary of this one, although the video where he demonstrates his cunnilingus technique was pretty funny.
*Infringe on his identity. [[Liquid]], [[Jimmy Hill]], [[Asperchu]], that whole kerfuffle over the [[Audiobooks]], UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! ETCETERA! ETCETERA! [[Sonichu Season 2]] was meant to do that, but we haven't had much reaction from Chris yet, so maybe this one's running dry, too.
*Question his sexuality, either by suggesting he's gay (which I've never found particularly funny, because homophobia was supposed to be his thing, not ours), suggesting that he's a pedo, or by suggesting Rosechu to be a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania. This, too, has lost some of its power as he's just ignoring us a lot of the time, probably on [[Rocky]]'s advice.

All those have been fun, but to jolt Chris out of apathy and [[PS3]], we may need to try a new tactic. Either that, or we just wait for him to get mad at something trivial again, but I get impatient sometimes.

Go to [[Mailbag 54]] and read the email about Creepichu, who I believe would have been a wonderful character. Look at Chris' reaction to the thought of anything bad happening to Sonees. Even though the sender is obviously not condoning this but asking Chris to be forgiving (like in the story of Joseph), Chris ''still'' gets all screamy and horrified by the mere suggestion, a fairly rare occurrence on the Mailbag.

Look at [[CWC Update 12 August 2009|Chris' reaction]] to the rape fanart about Sonees and Roseys. You guys really hit a nerve with that. Why? Partly his standard defensive reaction to allegations of unorthodox sexual practices (whether by his characters or Chris himself, since his characters are all basically just him anyway), partly the frequent depiction of Rosechu with a wiener, but I think there was even more to it than that. Whether sexually or otherwise, when those kids are threatened in any way, Chris gets very upset.

Infrequent though their appearances are, the kids are very important to Chris. Perhaps the reason they appear so infrequently (serious, you'd think he'd have given them and [[Heather Iglesias]] a plot ripped off of ''[[Mary Poppins]]'' by now) is that they're so special he's afraid he won't do it right, or he's too lazy to put in as much care as he thinks they deserve, or maybe he wants to keep them special and avoid overuse.

I believe that if we can get his attention again, and attract it to something like ''A Very Sonichu Adventure'', we could reinvigorate Chris and maybe get him to start writing the comic again. Maybe he'd do an arc focusing on the kids, showing how their parents ''don't'' rape them, or he'd have Sonichu and the gang violently murder potential child molesters, like in ''[[wikipedia: M (1931 film)|M]]'' but without the satire (also, Chris isn't as charming as Peter Lorre). Frankly, I'd love to see more of Robbie and Co. specifically because of how vile they are. If we didn't want to read awful shit, we wouldn't be reading ''Sonichu''.

I'm probably getting over-excited, but I ''do'' think we could be on to something. And considering how much we all hate those little fuzzbags, it would be 31 flavours of fun.

===Chris-Chan the Superhero===
Whenever anyone calls Chris on his unwarranted self-importance, he always insists that he ''doesn't'' think he's perfect. And the first (and last) flaw he admits to is his autism. He does this in one of the Alec phone calls; I can't remember which, and don't feel like looking it up. In Mailbags, Chris has occasionally said that he wishes he didn't have his autism.

And yet he is unusually proud of it at other times. It's usually one of the first things about himself he brings up when meeting a new person, or on his dating site profiles.

I've got a big ugly hairy birthmark on my leg, just above the knee. I've wished I didn't have it sometimes, and I've worried that it might be socially off-putting at pool parties. It may be part of the reason I don't wear shorts much. The point is, I don't bring up this birthmark at every possible opportunity the way Chris brings up his autism. I try not to think about it, because that way I can move past it. Chris doesn't want to move past his autism. He ''is'', on some level, proud of it.

In Chris' mind, autism is like a superpower. He will gleefully use it to link himself to other famous Aspies like Leonardo da Vinci or Michelangelo Buonarroti, both of whom were only ''probably'' autistic and were ''certainly'' gay as maypoles (seriously, have you ever really looked at the Sistine Chapel ceiling?). Chris doesn't mention Nicola Tesla much, because he's probably not learned enough to know who he was. Anyway, there have been many autistic people who were extremely talented (although I maintain that Raphael and Caravaggio were better painters than Leonardo and Michelangelo). Movies like ''Rain Man'' and its impersonators have mystified the hell out of autism; all fictional autistics are mathematical geniuses, brilliant code-crackers, or just plain psychic. Note that in ''The Areas of my Expertise'', the only one who can understand the clicking language of the giant cockroaches from the movie ''Mimic'' is a small autistic child playing the spoons. That sentence probably makes no sense if you haven't read the book. So read it.

Anyway, when Chris says his autism is his one flaw, he doesn't really mean it. He sees it as a superpower that makes him smarter. It may seem counter-intuitive, then, for him to list it as a flaw, but ask yourself this: how many superheroes can you name who are unambiguously happy with their powers? There are a couple, like Human Torch or the occasional Green Lantern, but they mostly stand out in contrast. Spider-Man is always going on about how his powers are a curse. [[Jackie_e-mails#That.27s_what_she_said|Superman never made any money for saving the world from Solomon Grundy.]] The ''1602'' version of Thor worries that his powers are a danger to his immortal soul. Utterly embracing your superpowers and admitting that they're a fantastic thing is more the realm of villains: guys like Magneto, Darryl Revok, General Zod, Voldemort, Green Goblin... I could go on. These guys want to enslave us normals and take their "rightful" place as king.

Chris thinks his autism is a superpower, but he wants to act humble about it because ''he thinks he's a superhero'', and for his TV-raised mind, humility is part and parcel with heroics. Enjoy the paradox: he's pretending to be humble out of pompousness.

===Chris the Rules Lawyer===
On the [[Attraction Sign]], Chris always limited himself to women 18 and up. The only restriction on his desire to nail [[Meg Griffin]] is the fact that Seth MacFarlane has to let her turn 18 first. But he makes no attempt to hide the fact that he finds her hot ''now''. And he's gone [[Mailbag_3#In_Which_Chris_Advises_Hitler_to_Keep_His_Promises|on record]] as saying he thinks the legal age of consent should be lowered to 16.

Now, most of us would be capable of having sex with a girl (or guy, depending) who was a year or two underage. We could, but we wouldn't, because it's not appropriate. Balance of power, formative years, etc. Whereas with a 10-year old, we just plain couldn't. Ephebophilia is criminal, but it isn't necessarily perverted.

Perhaps partly due to his autism, Chris doesn't quite understand the subtle shades here. For him, everything is dichotomous: either something is legal and okay, or it's illegal and not okay. So if it became legal for him to go after 16-year olds, he'd do it in a heartbeat. It wouldn't occur to him that a lot of people would still look down on him for it, although if it did, he'd probably do it anyway.

When Chris condemned [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] for dating a girl who was below the legal age limit, I don't think that was just him being a [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrite]] again (although his pursuit of [[Facebook_messages#Christina_Katherine_Trevillian|Christina Trevillian]] certainly was). Chris (or so he tells himself) wouldn't go after underage girls unless it was legal. Jason was doing it already, and although he was probably only 19 or so at the time and most people wouldn't have much problem with the two-year age gap, this angered Chris. Possibly out of jealousy.

What Jason and Kathleen were doing (assuming they did it at all; I'm not sure they ever even dated, much less had sex) was technically illegal (I think; I'm not sure how Tennessee does it, but up here in Canada we've got a degree of wiggle room), but most people would find it socially acceptable. What Chris wants to do would be legal under the proposed circumstances, and that makes all the difference. He's not condemning their having sex, but he's condemning their violation of those dumb laws. Even though he thinks they're dumb, he still fears and obeys them.

What Chris cares about is the law itself, and not the reasoning for it or the social implications of it.

===How the above rambling relates to the plot to ''Sonichu''===

If something is okay, then it's completely, always, forever okay. This idea is probably partly caused by the autism, and partly caused by Chris being too lazy to pay attention to the distinctions. Sonichu was sufficiently original for that school project, so he's sufficiently original for copyright. Once a girl is 18, it's entirely socially acceptable for a guy (regardless of his own age, even if he's in his 70s) to go after her. Which leads me to this next point.

Once or twice in the mailbag (I don't feel like hunting down the specific instances), somebody calls Chris on an out-of-left-field plot point or his reliance on stealing jokes from other sources, or just something strange that happened in his comic. And his reaction is - I think - very telling: another show did it at some point, so it must be okay. Therefore, ''Sonichu'' will also do it.

We all know that Chris is incapable of actually creating something, and that, like Sauron, he can only corrupt and imitate what he has already seen. This is basically an admission of that, as well as a strong indicator of why he thinks that's okay.

''[[Family Guy]]'' references other works all the time. [[Monty Python]] often did wholly unexpected, sometimes random things. ''[[Excel Saga]]'' has both of its creators as recurring characters. ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' is frequently assisted by her time-displaced daughter from the future.

All these are things Chris has done, and in his mind, if it's okay for other shows to do them, then it's okay for him. What he [[fail]]s to acknowledge is:
*A joke needs setup, which Chris doesn't understand. We've discussed this plenty on the page for [[Monty Python]], and I see no need to repeat it here.
*A single trope can be used to many different purposes. For example, let's take the author avatars in ''Excel Saga''. The one of the author of the original comic (I can't remember his name; I've only seen two episodes of the show ever and I was drunk) is there just to make fun of how little the cartoon resembles the source material. The one of the creator of the cartoon is incredibly badass, yes, but he's also a spoof of the Marty Stu, and we aren't meant to take him seriously. Whereas Comic Chris is meant to be completely sympathetic and entirely, dramatically serious. There's no irony there. He's just a Stu. Therefore, people aren't annoyed that Chris is a character in his own comic, as he thinks we are; we're annoyed because of how wankingly he writes himself.
*Some tropes need effort to pull off properly. Take how easily Sonichu can defeat Mary Lee Walsh. It's true that Sonic can (just about) always beat Robotnik, but fans of the show accept that because the writers bothered to make it believable (or maybe they didn't, but let's assume they did for the sake of argument). Good writers will stretch things out to create uncertainty, so that even if you know that the hero is going to win, you still watch because part of you isn't completely sure, and the rest of you wants to see how it's done. All of the fight scenes in Sonichu are curb stomp battles fought by a boring invincible hero. There's no tension, partly because of that whole [[Chris and Reality|Toon World idea]] of his, but mostly just because Chris doesn't know why tension is interesting. All he knows is "Sonic always wins. I like Sonic. Therefore, I like characters who always win."
*Some tropes only work because of their novelty. Comedy, in particular, relies on being unexpected. In this case, ''Sonichu'' fails where others succeed specifically ''because'' they've already succeeded there. Chris doesn't understand why people get irritated with the time-traveling Crystal. After all, ''Sailor Moon'' did it, so it must be okay. The reason people get annoyed is because they already saw it on ''Sailor Moon'' and are mad at Chris for ripping it off and not even trying to hide it. Or maybe, like me, they find even ''Sailor Moon'' to be aggressively retarded, in which case, it's more an example of this next point.
*Some tropes are just stupid. Even if he sees them in another work, even a professionally-made one, he doesn't notice when they're wholly unconvincing. Perhaps fans of the show hate that episode for its use of that plot point and try to pretend it never happened. Perhaps it was just a [[Ghostbusters|terrible]] [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|work]] to begin with. Considering his utter denial that the ''Sonic'' games have dropped sharply in quality, it's not surprising to see that Chris likes his very favourite things without any criticism whatever (which means that he doesn't really like ''Family Guy'' and ''[[Power Rangers]]'' all that much). Chris is ripping off a failure, and he can't help but fail as well.

When it comes to story-writing, Chris is like a kid panicking while taking a test in school. He tries to read off other people's papers, and just hopes that it'll be okay.

===Chris and Manos===

This was originally on my user page, but now it's over here.

To me, ''Sonichu'' is like ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate'': unspeakably awful, yet somehow fascinating. Chris himself is the Hal P. Warren of my analogy, a self-satisfied, talentless bully who is frequently covered in shit (although in Warren's defense, he was a professional fertilizer salesman, whereas Chris is just too lazy to bother with the toilet). Characters like Bill, Yawning Squirtle, and Bouldrer-Dropping Whale are like Torgo, strangely likable and incredibly high. And Clyde, Liquid, Alec and Tito? Well, they're Tom, Crow, Joel, and Mike (in no particular order). It would be funny enough without their commentary, but with it? Utterly priceless. Vivian is Gypsy.

Kick the Autistic

2010-10-26T17:41:23Z

Manwithoutabody:

<center>[[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]]</center>
[[Image:KickTheAutisticWii.jpg|thumb|Now for the [[Nintendo]] Wii!]]

'''Kick the Autistic''' is the world's favorite game. This is the act of doing anything [[Chris]] doesn't like. It is very probable he has done this in the past to get "[[sex|speshul treatment]]" from "Young Ladies."

==Variations==
There are many known variations of the game, and we will go through the most effective.

===Artistic Style===
Enter a competition of artistry where Chris also competes, and [[Honor roll|out-talent him]]. This is usually easily done by showing any competence at all. Favored by [[Manchester High School#Graduation|his fellow students]] and [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|that no-good Adam Stackhouse]]. Beware: Chris may [[CWC is Angry|get grumpy and shoot at your photograph.]] Or beat you up in [[Soul Calibur]].

===[[Blanca]] Style===
Take the time to befriend Chris and pretend you are a [[Boyfriend Free Girl]] until Chris trusts you. Then get Chris to give you something of value to him, and destroy it.

===[[Jimmy Hill]] Style===
Chris is very funny about the material which he has plagiarized. If you are an artist troll or just bored, plagiarize Chris's plagiarized comics. He will throw a fit and "take legal action against you if not removed by 14 days." Oh wait, YOU CAN'T [[Parody|COPYRIGHT UNORIGINAL CHARACTERS]] DIPSHIT.

===[[Sweetheart]] Style===
Chris is of the completely clueless type, and will trust anyone <s>with a little bit of time</s> who claims to have a [[China|china]]. Pretend to befriend Chris, and when you have gained his trust, tell him to do something lulzy. Say you are a woman who is turned on at the thought of him drinking his own [[semen]]. Once this happens, put the goods up on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and wait for the lulz to come pouring in.

===[[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickleman]] Style===
Somehow meet up with Chris while wearing a pickle suit. He will be bewildered by it and powerless to act.

===[[The Miscreants|Miscreant]] Style===
Set [[Sonichu|events]] in motion that will keep Chris from [[Virgin with rage|ever getting laid.]] Physically [[Chris and health|weaken]] him so that he can't even rape women to lose his virginity, or do anything else for that matter. Extra points for [[Jimmy Hill|clouding]] [[BlueSpike|his]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|judgement.]] As an added "fuck you," send <s>an impostor</s> [[Liquid Chris|The True and Honest Christian Weston Chandler]] to swipe [[Kacey|his sweetheart.]]

Keep doing this for the rest of his life, then send him to Hell where he'll be trolled for all eternity... or reincarnated as a pickle... whichever.

The current champion of this style is Chris himself.

===[[Liquid]] Style===
<s>Pretend that you are the</s> Be the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of [[Sonichu]], the electric hedgehog Pokémon. Upload videos on [[YouTube]] detailing your many encounters with [[Clyde Cash]] and your success at attracting a boyfriend free girl. Brag about the millions you have earned thanks to Sonichu, and try to conquer the Sonichu media empire that is rightfully yours.

Alec Benson Leary of [[Asperchu]] has used a similar tactic, to much the same effect. Bonus points for buying ad space on the [[CWCipedia]].

===[[Michael Snyder]] Style===
Ban him from [[The GAMe PLACe|an establishment]] for being the [[Chris and hypocrisy|entitled]], [[Chris and anger|angry]], [[Chris and his Ego|self-obsessed]], [[death threats|dangerous]] manchild that he is. Quite correctly [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|never let him back in]]. '''WARNING''': This will probably result in Chris [[6 June 2010|coming to the store]] to [[pedofork|take pictures of your daughter]] and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|attempting to murder]] you with [[Son-Chu|his mother's car]].

===Literally===
One day, Chris will say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, and they will literally kick the shit out of him. On that day trolls will shed tears of joy, and once again feel as if there is some sort of justice in the world. That being said, no reasonable troll should ever use physical violence to harm Chris, as there's no need to expend any sort of effort on him and it's not worth giving Chris something he could actually call the police over. (Plus, that would mean [[Chris and health#Hygiene|touching him]].) It will be much sweeter when he gets his ass handed to him by a random angry [[Niggos|African American]] or someone with an [[homos|alternate life-style]]. Even greater will be the day when he gets a little too touchy with a [[boyfriend-free girl]] and gets a face full of mace.

Examples of literally kicking the autistic include: The teachers at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] (barely), [[Jerkops]] (probably exaggerated) and [[Niggos#Conflicts_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|TJ from GAMe PLACe]] (almost).

However, Chris has never experienced any real physical pain in his entire life. His parents never raised a finger against him, there is no record of him being grounded, or punished in any significant way even after he was [[Bob Walks In|caught masturbating in the kitchen]]. The only exception to this is when [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] tried to teach him how to roller-skate. Chris fell down, got a boo-boo, ran home to [[Barbara Chandler|mommy]], and vowed to never again even try to roller-skate, or, apparently, to do anything active at all.

Ever since the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]], it is believed that Chris may become the subject of a game of Kick the Autistic, featuring a guest team from the [[Wikipedia:United_States_Marine_Corps|Semper Fi Brotherhood]].

==Uses by Chris==
Recorded examples of this particular CWC-ism include the following:

*In the e-mail he sent to Sony after losing [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris blamed his failure on "AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, 'KICK THE AUTISTIC!'"
*At the same time, in his first [[PSN Blogs|PSN blog entry]] cursing [[Adam Stackhouse]], he bitched and mixed his metaphors about how "I have been the dog in America's favorite game, 'KICK THE AUTISTIC' for my whole life."
*After finding out that [[PandaHalo|Panda]] was a troll during [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], Chris whined, "And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of 'Kick the Autistic'."

==Conclusion==
Remember kids, Kick the Autistic is everyone's favorite game and can be replayed over and over with Chris. He just never learns.

==See also==
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] - Video game president, hoping to release Kick the Autistic on all major Nintendo consoles in time for Christmas.
*[[Troll]]

==External links==
*[http://www.pictogame.com/en/play/game/bq1o8yBlHtPu_cwc-in-kick-the-autistic Click to play!!]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Hotel Ricky Ricardo

2010-10-20T03:33:34Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:HotelRickyRicardo.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression. Those who try to check out end up like the guy by the road. ''You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave...'']]
'''Hotel Ricky Ricardo''' (also translated as '''Hotel Richy Ricardo''') is a Spanish class assignment in which [[Chris]] describes a hotel as he would run it. It was discovered in the site archives released by [[Clyde Cash]] in [[October 2009]]. The whole thing is a bizarre combination of Chris's horrible version of Spanish (requiring liberal insertions of [sic]), combined with the relatively innocent naiveté of a seemingly normal childhood, as demonstrated by choosing to inhabit his fictional hotel with children's video game characters. This sort of thing is common amongst children as old as 8, which should really tell you something about Chris's mental maturity, as he wrote this when he was "barely" 18 years old.

Chris also includes himself when listing activities for employees and clients (although he doesn't always clarify which is which) as well as some other people he knows. Amongst the other, mundane activities such as Chris playing videogames with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], or [[Rosechu|Amy Rose]] going shopping is one strangely poignant mention of Chris's [[Barbara|mother]] getting angry and yelling at his [[Robert|father]].

Of note, Chris places himself in the category of "great artists", alongside Michelangelo and DaVinci. [[Chris and art|You keep telling yourself that, Chris]].

[[Image:Torgo.jpg|thumb|right|The hotel's only employee, and not even he could stand the place for long.]]
==Original text==

:[[Ricardo]] W. Chandler.
:12/3/Y2K Español II, 7.
:Hotel Richy Ricardo Rough Draft:

===I. La Guia Michelin:===

:Richy Ricardo, pl Estación, 4692, 634 92 10,
:Telex 83392-

Com 2100, 200 hab, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Descripción del Hotel:===

El hotel, Richy Ricardo, es un hotel de gran confort. Tiene un restaurante y está en la Plaza Estación. El número de teléfono es 634 92 10. Tiene un ascensor, una piscina y un garaje. En las habitaciones, hay un televisor, aire acondicionado, y un sistema de los juegos de videos, Sega Dreamcast. Y con el Dreamcast hay muchos juegos de videos y acceso al internet. Puede comprar o alquilar un Jump Pack o un VMU para el Dreamcast en el recepción. Hay un teléfono a las habitaciones. En este hotel hay 200 habitaciones. Una habitación cuesta entre 15.500 y 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 y 2,100 dolares americanos). El desayuno está incluido en el precio de la habitación. Aceptan tres tarjetas de crédito: American Express, Visa y Discovery. También aceptan unos cheques de viajero.

===III En Nuestras Habitaciones Hay...:===

# En las habitaciones hay una cama matrimonial y dos camas sencillas.
# En las habitaciones hay un [[Homos|clóset grande]] y un escritorio.
# En las habitaciones hay una mesita de noche pequeña.
# En las habitaciones hay una cómoda grande y cuatro cajones.
# En las habitaciones hay dos sillas, una mesita de café, un sillón comodo y un sofá.
# En las habitaciones hay unos cuadros do los artistas buenos: DeVinci, Michalanglo y C.W. Chandler.
# En las habitaciones hay una ducha, un W.C., un lavabo y un espejo largo.
# En las habitaciones hay un televisor pesado.
# En las habitaciones hay una sistema de los juegos do videos: Sega Dreamcast con unos juegos de videos; muy moderno.
# En las habitaciones hay un estante formal.

===IV Las Actividades de nuestros Empleados y nuestros Clientes del Hotel:===

# Nuestro cliente, Sonic el Puerco Espino juege a la guitarra para las chicas bonitas cerca de la piscina.
# Nuestro cliente, Amy Rose va de compras en las tiendas de departamento cerca del hotel.
# Nuestro emplejado, Jose hace las comidas en la cocina.
# La Sra. Cox juege al juego de video, Hydro Thunder con su hijo pequeño, Christian Cox.
# El Sr. Cox juege al tenis en el parque que está lejos del hotel.
# Cada noche, Sr. [[Red Skelton]] dice muchos chistes comicos en nuestro restraunte.
# Yo hago mi website de Pokémon, El PokéSite de RWC 2!
# Knuckles sube el muro del hotel.
# Tails cria los chaoes en el jardín del Chao.
# La empleada, Tiffany lava las toallas, las ropas y las cortinas del hotel.
# La empleada, Kellie arregla los muebles en las habitaciones.
# Mi madre discute con mi padre cuándo están enojados.
# Los chaoes nadan en el lago del jardín.
# Christian Cox está enojado si no durmió bien.
# Sonic y yo jugamos al juego de video, Sonic Adventure; Sonic tiene mas puntos que mi.

===V El Presidente del Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

¡Hola! Me llamo Ricardo. Yo tengo 18 años. Soy alto y delgado. Tengo el pelo pardo, un ojo azul y un ojo verde. Soy honesto; a mi, me gusta decir la verdad. Soy inteligente; yo sé las matemáticas, Español, fotografía y la computadora. Soy divertido; yo juego unos juegos de videos y el juego de las tarjetas de Pokémon. Soy un artista; me gusta hacer mucho arte. Tenga un buen día.

==Translation==

===I. The Michelin Guide:===

Richy Ricardo, Station pl, 4692, 634 92 10,
Telex 83392-

Com 2100 200 rooms, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Hotel Description:===

This hotel, [[I Love Lucy|Richy Ricardo]], is a hotel of great comfort. It has a restaurant which is in the [[Station Square|Station Plaza]]. The telephone number is 634 92 10. It has an elevator, a pool and a [[Son-chu|garage]]. In the rooms, there is a television set, air conditioning, and a video game system, Sega Dreamcast. And for the Dreamcast there are many games and Internet access. You can buy or rent a Jump Pack or a VMU for the dreamcast at the lobby. There is a telephone in each room. In this hotel there are 200 rooms. A room costs between [[Chris and money|15.500 and 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 and 2,100 american dollars)]]. Breakfast is included with the room price. They accept three credit cards: American Express, Visa and Discovery. They also accept some traveler checks.

===III In our rooms there are...:===

# In the rooms there is a [[Fuck Quest|double sized bed]] and two single beds.
# In the rooms there is a [[Chris's Room|big closet]] and a desk.
# In the rooms there is a small nightstand.
# In the rooms there is a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|big commode]] and [it should say "with"] four drawers.
# In the rooms there are two chairs, a coffee table, a comfy loveseat and a couch.
# In the rooms there are paintings made by the best artists: DeVinci (sic), Michalanglo (sic) and [[Chris and his ego|C.W. Chandler.]]
# In the rooms there is a [[Axe|shower]], a toilet, a sink and a long [probably meant to say "large"] mirror.
# In the rooms there is a heavy[?] television set.
# In the rooms there is a video game system: Sega Dreamcast with some video games; very modern.
# In the rooms there is a formal shelf.

===IV Our employees and client's activities:===

# Our client, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic the Hedge Hog]] [sic] plays [misspelled; should've used "toca" instead] the [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] for the pretty girls near the pool.
# Our client, [[women's rights|Amy goes shopping in the department stores near the hotel.]]
# Our employee, Jose makes the foods in the kitchen.
# Mrs. [[Duck|Cox]] plays the video game, Hydro Thunder with his small son, Christian Cox.
# Mr. Cox plays [misspelled here as "juegue"] tennis in the park which is far from away from the hotel.
# Each night, Mr. [[Red Skelton]] says lots of funny jokes in our restaurant.
# I make my Pokémon website, RWC's Pokésite 2!
# Knuckles climbs the hotel's wall.
# Tails raises the Chaoes in the Chao garden [translated as Chao's garden by Chris, as if Chao was an actual person].
# The employee, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]] washes the towels, clothes and the hotel's curtains.
# The employee, [[Kellie Andes|Kellie]] fixes the rooms' furniture.
# My [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] argues with my [[Bob Chandler|father]] when they are [[Chris and Anger|angry]].
# The Chaoes swim in the garden's lake.
# Christian Cox is mad if he didn't sleep well.
# Sonic and I play the video game, Sonic Adventure; [[fail|Sonic has more points than me]].

===V The President of the Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

Hello! My name is Ricardo. I am 18 years old. I am tall and [[obesity|slim]]. I have brown hair, [[heterochromia|one blue eye and one green eye]]. I am [[honest content|honest]]; I, [[Lie|like to tell the truth]]. I am smart; I know maths, Spanish, photography and the computer. I am fun; I play some video games and the Pokémon card game. [[Chris and art|I am an artist;]] I like to make a lot of art. Have a nice day.

==See also==
*[[Spanish]]
[[Category:Prose]]

File:Torgo.jpg

2010-10-20T03:30:12Z

Manwithoutabody: Torgo, from the film ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate''.

Torgo, from the film ''"Manos" The Hands of Fate''.

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)

2010-10-20T03:10:24Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:074-HedgehogBoys.jpg|thumb|The Hedgehog Boys]]
'''Christian & the Hedgehog Boys''' is the name [[Chris]] gave to his horrible "band" project, though, in reality, there is no band. Instead the project involves Chris shouting awful lyrics about his shitty life over [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] pop/rock music.

==The boys in the band==
[[File:128650737563.jpg|thumb|[[100 2269|The Beatles]] edition]]

The gap between albums speaks volumes about the internal problems the band has faced, including drug abuse, unwanted pregnancies, regicide and general debauchery.

*[[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]]: vocals
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]: bass, or perhaps guitar
*[[Sonichu]]: guitar
*[[Shadow the Hedgehog]]: drums
*[[Blake]]: keyboard

In the [[2009]] incarnation of the band, Sonic and Shadow were gone, replaced by [[Wild]] (on bass) and [[Punchy]] (on drums), after Sonic left the band to pursue a solo country career, while Shadow was fired for smoking [[tobacky]] and later presumably died of cocaine abuse, but nobody knew the difference, since it's impossible to tell him apart from Blake anyway. [[Layla Flaaffy]] also joined.

==Albums==
[[Image:057-CWCHedgeBoysv2.jpg|thumb|left|First album cover]]
[[Image:CWCHedgehogBoysCOMEBACKfront.jpg|thumb|Second album]]
To date, they have released two albums:

*'''''[[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian & the Hedgehog Boys]]'''''

:Release date: [[2006]]
:Chart position: #1, [[Molvanîa]] Pop Charts

*'''''[[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]'''''
:Release date: [[2009]]
:Chart position: N/A
{{clear}}

==Singles==
Christian & the Hedgehog Boys have released standalone singles over [[YouTube]] for "[[CWC%27s_%22It%27s_All_Coming_Back_To_Me%22|It's All Coming Back To Me]]" and "[[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|Holding Out For A Hero]]" that feature unique combinations of live-action, comic drawings and shit. The lyrics of "[[Revive Zordon]]" appear in ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', but a musical version has yet to appear.

==Future==
In recent months, the Hedgehog Boys have been dealing with behind the scenes turmoil, mostly in relation to Wild's weak basslines and Punchy's increasingly erratic timekeeping. Fans cite the recent tour of Molvanîa as a particular low as the band frequently delved into unpopular jazz fusion versions of the hits. The tour finally ended in farce when Punchy got out from behind the kit to punch Sonichu in the face after he forgot a vital key change.

In response to the problems, the Hedgehog Boys dumped themselves from their own record label, and are currently looking for a new one. The band reunited briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], despite continuing strife between the members and Chris's apparent inheritance of gigantism of the legs.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:107-HookedOnSonichu2.jpg|One listen, and you'll be hooked!
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|Sonichu is doing it wrong
Image:447px-Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|As seen in ''Sonichu'' Comics!
Image:SchuComic6P14.jpg|Ad from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|For whatever reason, Sonichu is holding a copy of the Hedgehog Boys' first album.
</gallery>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=CWC Sings}}
*[[Chris and music]]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}

Gilligan Be or Not

2010-10-20T03:08:46Z

Manwithoutabody:

'''Gilligan Be or Not''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. Chris performs a soliloquy of sorts from the TV show ''[[Gilligan's Island]]''.

One episode of the series featured the cast performing a cut-down version of Shakespeare's ''Hamlet'', opening with Gilligan delivering a rhyming riff on the famous "To be or not to be" scene. Those are the lines that Chris is (more or less) repeating here.

He also utterly mangles the Habanera from ''Carmen'', but [[music]] has never been [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)| his strong suit]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Gilligan Be or Not
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FkYWc6YJWYw}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]
| next = [[Vitameatavegamin]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[Chris appears, making some indescribable noise]''

Parumpumpum. I ask to be or not to be, A rogue or peasant slave is what you see. A boy who loved his mother’s knee, and so I ask to be or not to be. So here’s my plea, I beg of thee, and say you see a little hope for me. To fight or flee, to fight or flee, I ask myself to be or not to be. I as to be or not to be, that is the question that I ask of me. Ask you can see, as you can see, that is the question that I ask of me. I am curious, where I should be, (and what is our community?) To fight or flee, to fight or flee? I ask myself to be or noooootttt to be? Parumpumpuuuum.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Breast Cancer Awareness]]|nextlink=[[Vitameatavegamin]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Cosplaying

2010-10-16T23:06:14Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[File:0658-ANIME513.JPG|thumb|Chris dressed as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his mary-sue counterpart]] in [[2005]].]]

'''Cosplay''', short for "'''costume play'''", is a type of performance art in which a person dresses up as a character or idea. The practice is commonly seen in the [[anime]] fandom, but can also be seen in other fan realms such as [[video games]] and comics. [[Chris]] was first seen in cosplay attire with the famous [[Pokémon|Ash Ketchum]] costume. Any attempts at cosplay are usually rare, however a major wave of cosplaying by Chris, presumably to impress/amuse [[Jackie]], appeared in the late [[2010]].

It should be noted that the costumes are created at his home using construction paper, markers, paints, and anything else he can purchase in the craft section of a [[Wal-Mart]]. They are crude interpretations of the original image he is attempting to portray and most seem put together quickly and with little effort. Most of the costumes barely resemble the characters Chris is trying to mimic. The only costume he appeared to put any effort into was his [[Sonichu]] form, in which he painted his face and body along with constructing a few minor details to make the look complete. This shows a complete lack of interest in actual cosplay itself unless it is depicting one of his creations or deep interests.

==Ash Ketchum cosplay==
[[Image:0503-CWCAsh4.jpg|thumb|left|[[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Pimp mah riiide!]]]]
[[Image:502-CWCsAshVest.JPG|thumb|That hat is pretty goddamn dirty]]

Chris appeared in his [[Wikipedia:Ash Ketchum|Ash Ketchum]] costume from around [[2000]] to [[2004]]. It was originally <s>created</s> purchased or made by [[Snorlax]] as a Halloween costume in either [[1998]] or [[1999]].<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref> He proudly wore it to [[The GAMe PLACe]] every week<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> and to the [[2004]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention. With it, he won a costume contest against five kids dressed up as [[Wikipedia:Team Rocket|Team Rocket]]. The prize was a T-shirt.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref> [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|Television footage]] of Chris playing [[card games]] with little kids while dressed as Ash was also featured on his [[DVD]].

For a while, Chris resurrected this look for his profile picture on [[The Hook Cafe]] and eventually evolved into the [[Chris and fashion#The "Gay Trucker" outfit|Gay Trucker]].

The Ketchum-style trainer outfit consists of:
* Faux-denim vest
* Cut up gardening gloves
* ''Pokémon League'' ballcap
* Fanny-pack (Also known as a 'belly-bag' and a 'bum-bag' to Britfags)

The ensemble was usually accompanied by a yellow ''[[Pokémon]]'' T-shirt, or white ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'' tee-shirt underneath (see gallery below). Chris can no longer wear this costume due to his [[obesity|obscene girth]]. Nevertheless, it remains as his best cosplay yet, and the only one that helped him win anything.

{{clear}}
<center><gallery>
Image:0501-CWCAsh2.jpg|
Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|HOT ROD 138, I c-ch-choose you~!
Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Jackie and cosplay==

{{quote|At least I am doing this and I have myself a woman, so there. So she'll appreciate this very much. She appreciates almo- everything I do for her. Especially these videos.|Chris}}

[[File:ChrisChanCosplayMR.jpg|thumb|The master costumer at work]]

On 16 [[September 2010]] Chris uploaded a [[Song_for_Jackie.MOV|video of himself depicting Mr. Popo]] from the ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'' series, stating that the cosplay and song was for his girlfriend. At the end of the video we learned that it was indeed for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]]. At first this seemed like a typical Chris move to impress a girl in the possible hopes of getting [[china]]. Apparently, either by Jackie urging him to do more or by Chris noticing that his [[sweetheart]] found amusement in his costume play, this was only the beginning.

We wouldn't again see Chris's efforts to amuse his beloved until 2 [[October 2010]] when Chris releases the video [[I like Mary Poppins]]. Though simplistic and crude, the idea that Chris is trying to portray is indeed a form of cosplay. This was just a tiny hint of what was to come the following day when Chris uploads a video attempting to be [[100 2265|The Hamburglar]]. In this video he prances around insanely yelling "Robble robble robble" repeatedly in a quickly put together costume. Several other videos followed of Chris depicting everything from famous [[music]]ians to [[trolls]]. Not until the [[ECV_00002|Sonichu Transformation video]] would we be officially told, by his own mouth, that Chris was doing this for Jackie's amusement.<ref>[[ECV_00002|Sonichu Transformation video]], section 2</ref> Though it may just seem like speculation, it seems that any cosplay video starting from the original Mr Popo was influenced by Jackie in some way.

Most of his costumes during this period were made haphazardly and probably with whatever Chris had laying around his room. The majority are made out of construction paper taped or tied onto himself and quickly colored on. This is probably a result of his laziness and general lack of effort, though he usually seems satisfied with his work output (the "[[100 2279|considerably weak video]]" being a notable exception).

Characters Chris has cosplayed as during this period:
*[[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]
*[[McDonald's|Hamburglar]]
*[[McDonald's|Grimace]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Liquid Chris]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] (though just vocally depicted)
*A [[Cherokee]]
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]
*Fred Flinstone and [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] (the latter in the same costume but with a different 'head')
*[[Cleveland Show|Cleveland Brown]] (a new low, with just a DVD case over his face)
*A [[Harry Potter|wizard from Hogwarts]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:ChrisPapa.JPG|Flexing his PaRappa muscles
File:ChrisGroucho.JPG|Chris as Groucho Marx
File:ChrisJuffalo.JPG|As a Juffalo
Image:Niggocwc.jpg|CWC as [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr Popo]]
File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|CWC tries to look like the [[McDonalds|Hamburglar]], but he comes off as an even creepier version of [[Soul Calibur|Voldo]].
File:Grimace.jpg|As the Evil Grimace
File:Chriscash.jpg|As [[Clyde Cash]]
File:Liquidd.jpg|As [[Liquid Chris]]
File:Indiann.jpg|As a [[Cherokee]]
File:Super-mode.jpg|Chris in his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|super-mode.]]
File:ChrisFredFlinstone.JPG|As Fred Flintstone
File:ChrisHomerFlinstone.JPG|As.. Homer Simpson-Flintsone?
File:ChrisAsCleveland.JPG|As Cleveland Brown. In genius.
File:ChrisWizard.JPG|From Hogwarts. Learnin' spells n' yeah.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V]]

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Cosplay|Cosplay]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Template:Cosplay videos}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

100 2277

2010-10-16T23:02:50Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[File:Thecwcstonesportrait01.jpg|thumb|An artist's depiction of what Chris hopes this video will gain him]]

'''100 2277''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 12 [[October 2010]] in which he dresses as Fred Flintstone, then cosplays as Homer Simpson cosplaying as Fred.

Right away, the viewer is bombarded with a badly-paced attempt by Chris to [[Chris and Music#Singing|sing]] the theme to ''The Flintstones''. The resulting voice is more along the lines of a frog who sings only in flats than anything else. His latest costume is a even simpler version of Fred's one-piece toga/loincloth outfit: a single sheet of construction paper with dots scribbled on it.

It may be worth noting that Chris mumbles his way through the line "We'll have a [[Homos|gay]] old time," with "gay" meaning "happy" in this context. It is notable because Chris doesn't show any of his usual homophobic behavior of changing the lyrics. Either he recognizes the non-sexual meaning of "gay", or the theme song is so ingrained into his memory, that he doesn't realize what he's singing. Unfortunately, in a bit of inconvenient timing surpassed only by the Zapruder film, at this key moment, Chris's costume begins to fall apart, making it difficult to discern whether he was mumbling due to an aversion to uttering the word "gay", or due to being distracted whilst trying to repair his costume.

After an obligatory [[Random-access humor|stolen quote]], he sings an equally bad rendition of ''The Simpsons'' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmP_t4_lpzo parody of the song], complete with a "mask" of Homer's face. It should be noted that this mask has square eyes, similar to that of his pre-[[Megan]], pre-[[anime]]-style drawings and [[comics]], but ends up bearing a closer resemblance to "The Smiley Face" of '70s pop-culture fame. The Homer mask also lacks Homer Simpson's pseudo-beard.
{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2277
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vs47eq7TTys}}
| stardate = 12 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}},{{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{RedYellowStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ECV 00002]]
| next = [[100 2279]]
}}

=== Transcription ===

[[File:ChrisFlintstone.png|thumb|300px|Possible descendant of Fred Flintstone?]]

[''Chris puts on a terrible accent.'']

Yabba, dabba, ''doo!''

[''Chris shows a toy of the Flintstones' stone-age car, and plays with it throughout the video, as if it was being driven through the air'']

Sim-- Flint-stones, meeet the Flint-stones, they're the modern [[Bob|stone-age]] famileee!
From the, town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of hisss-store-eee!

Let's ride, with the family down the street,
Through the, courtesy of Fred's two feet! [''Chris's fingers mime a waking action in front of the toy'']

[''Short pause'']

When you're, with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba-dabba-doo-time,
Dabba doo-time, [''Chris's "costume" begins to fall, distracting him from singing'']
[''Mumbled''], We'll have a [[gay]] old time!

[''Mercifully drops the accent'']

[[Monty Python|And now for something... ''suh-lightly'' different!]]

[''Chris adopts a new accent, covering his face with a crude smiley face mask'']
Yabba, dabba''aahh'', doo!

Simpson, Homer Simpson,
He's the greatest guy in hiss-store-eee!
From the, town of Springfield;
He's about to hit a chesnut tree!

[''Chris pulls out an accessory to the yellow mask: an accompanying mouth to:'']
''YAAAAAAAAAH!''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ECV_00002]]|nextlink=[[100 2279]]}}

{{Template:Cosplay videos}}
{{Template:Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

100 2269

2010-10-13T13:05:01Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[File:paul-mccartney.jpg|thumb|Paul reacts]]
[[File:JohnFinger2.jpg|thumb|left|John Lennon is not pleased with Chris's faggotry.]]
'''100 2269''' is the second of three videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 7 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris has [[Gitar of Fail]] out again, but this time actually uses it to play The Beatles's "[[Wikipedia:A Day in the Life|A Day in the Life]]" on ''[[Wikipedia:The Beatles: Rock Band|The Beatles: Rock Band]]''. In addition, he warbles tunelessly along with the track. He mentions Jackie at least once in the video, saying he will [[Rape|"turn her on"]], which is especially funny because back in the '60s, to turn someone on was to get them into [[Tobacky|drugs]]. Chris is wearing what appears to be a poorly done replica of a Sgt. Pepper costume, crafted in construction paper.

Starting at about 1:00, the whine of audio feedback builds to one of its highest peaks... which is more pleasant and in-tune than Chris's singing. It fades in and out of existence for the entirety of the rest of the video. And at 3:20, and again throughout the 'long note' (whose length seems to be too much for Chris to handle without [[stress]]), Chris's right arm jerks furiously on the Gitar's whammy bar - making it look exactly like he's [[mass debating]].

Considering that Chris has [[Chris and Music|never shown any interest in the Beatles]], and that in a mailbag, he did not recognize an obviously fake letter from Paul McCartney, it is reasonable to assume Chris did this for Jackie.

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2269
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tGQjcZxXtZo}}
| stardate = 7 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| previous = [[100 2267]]
| next = [[100 2270]]
}}

===Transcription===
[[File:128650737563.jpg|thumb|400px|[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian and the Beatle Boys]]]]
[[File:Mark David Chapman.jpg|thumb|Mark David Chapman killed one of the Beatles. Chris killed one of the Beatles' songs. Coincidence?]]

''[In a bad Cockney accent, instead of a bad Scouse accent which would be more accurate]'' Hello loves, good evening there. I'm Paul McCartney and I'm going to sing you a song. It's "A Day In The Life". And it is a good day. In the life. Yeah. It's a day for livin', it's a beautiful day over here in [[Virginia]]. Rock on [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|England]]!

''[Mic effect]'' Good evening, loves.

''[Starts playing on the gitar]''

I'll read the news today oh boy 
About a luucky man who made the [[Honor Roll|grade]] 
And though the news was. b.. rather sad! 
I just had to laugh 
I saw the photograph 
He blew his mind out in the car 
He didn't notice that the lights had changed 
A crowd of people stood and [[The Creepy Stare|stared]] 
[[Ego|They'd seen his face before]] 
Nobody was really sure... he from... House of Lords... the Lords

I saw a film today oh boy 
The English army had just won the war 
A crowd of people turned away 
But I just had to look 
Haa..ving read the [[How to Talk to Girls|book]] 

I love to tuuuurn youuu oon...

Woo...

''[Chris misses many notes in the solo]''

Woke- Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across myy [[hair|head]]... 
Found my way downstairs and drank a [[Fanta|cup]] 
And looking up I had a tickle...uh...huh...huh (?) 
Found my coat and grabbed my hat 
Made the [[Sonichu%27s_Edge|bus in seconds flat]] 
Found my way upstairs and had a [[tobacky|smoke]], 
and Somebody spoke and said...eh...uh 

Aahhaaahhhhhahahaaaaaaahhh

I read the news today oh boy 
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire 
And though the holes were rather small 
They had to count them all 
Now they know how many holes to fill the Bert Hall 
I'd love to turn you on 

Yeah Jackie, [[For J-R's Eyes Only|I'd love to turn you on]] too girl. ''[Chuckles]''

''[Plays to the end, pointlessly hitting the whammy bar]''

[[Stress|Longest note you've ever heard, huh? I wish it would end already... Jeez, will ya end already ya dang note?]]

''[At 5:23 a high-pitched feedback noise can be heard, which lasts till the end of the video.]''

''[Goes to turn camera off]''

I'll spare you the sentiments.

==See also==
*[[100 2267]]
*[[100 2270]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2267]]|nextlink=[[100 2270]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

I like Mary Poppins

2010-10-04T12:40:20Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:240px-Mary_Poppins4.jpg‎ |thumb|right|George Banks reacts to Chris' silly dance]]
'''I like Mary Poppins''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 2 [[October 2010]], presumably because he thought [[Jackie]] would find it cute. In it, Chris dons his [[PaRappa the Rapper]] hat and dances around the room, apparently in the fashion of the chimney sweeps singing "Step In Time" in ''[[Mary Poppins]]''. As usual, Chris mangles the tune so that it barely resembles anything from the film.

Compare [[For My Sweetest Ivy]], another video in which Chris attempts to perform a number from ''Mary Poppins'' to impress [[Ivy|a girl]]. People had been calling Jackie 'the new Ivy' for some time before this video came out, and afterward, it was hard not to.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I like Mary Poppins
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XHN0dvfWfHI}}
| stardate = 2 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2261.MOV]]
| next = [[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

{{Quote|I'm just a chimney sweep on shore leave.|Chris|who thinks chimney sweeps work at sea}}
===Transcript===
''['''0.00 - 0.07'''. Chris strikes a rather camp attitude, and brandishes the [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar of Fail]], possibly to represent a chimney sweep's brush. The delivers his few spoken lines in this video in what may, just possibly, be an attempt at a [[Daniel Weston|Cockney]] accent.]

Yo, guv'nor, don't mind me much; I'm just a chimney sweep on [[Navy|shore leave]]. ''[he tosses the guitar aside]

''[aimlessly waving his arms and head] ''Dun dun duuuh duh!''

''['''0:08 - 0:16'''. he begins vigorously dancing, looking somewhat like an ill-assembled puppet attempting a hornpipe]''
Step in time, step in time, 
Step in time, step in time, 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme, 
Step in time, step in time...
''[trails off]''

''['''0:17 - 0:23'''. He raises his finger aloft, then resumes flailing, this time in profile while mugging at the camera. He is becoming somewhat more exhausted by now.]'' 
Kick your knees up! 
Kick your knees up, step in time 
Kick your knees up, step in time 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme 
Kick your knees up, step in time.

''['''0:24 - 0.30'''. There is a pause for a second as he positions himself for the next verse. Then he begins circling something just below shot, probably the vacuum cleaner from [[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|Lars is Jivin'.]]] ''

Round the chimney! 
Round the chimney, step in time, 
Round the chimney, step in time, 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme 
Round the chimney, step in time.

''['''0.31 - 0.40'''. Another pause, in which Chris [[Sonichu's Edge|audibly pants]]. He then climbs over the object he was just circling while 'singing' the next verse. Needless to say, his actions bear no relation to the pace of the music. At the end of the verse, he hops around the hitherto-unseen nozzle of his vacuum cleaner for a second before discarding it, and does a double take when it thuds to the ground.]''

Over the railing! 
Over the railing, step in time 
Over the railing, step in time 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme 
Don't need to be a good jumper, step in time.

''['''0.41 - 0.49'''. On the first three lines of this new, made-up verse, he salutes and takes a step backwards. After this point, the complexity of this choreography becomes too much for him and he returns to a jaunty bounce to and fro while swinging his arms back and forth. At the end, he pauses for thought.]''

Enjoying Mary Poppins! 
Enjoying Mary Poppins, step in time 
Enjoying Mary Poppins, step er-n time 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme, 
Favorite movie of all time!

''['''0:50 - 1.04'''. Regaining his composure with a couple more 'Step in times', Chris commands us all to link our elbows, imperiously spreading his arms. He then adopts an ape-like pose with his arms akimbo and gyrates roughly in time to his song. At the end, both song and rotation increase in pace until one final, glorious 'Link your elbows!'. The frenetic sequence at an end, Chris switches off the camera. He is visibly and audibly fatigued by the excitement and less than a minute of moderate exercise.]''

Step in time, step in time. 
Liiink your elbows! 
Link your elbows, step in time, 
link your elbows, step in time, 
link your elbows, link your elbows, link your elbows 
Link your elbooooows!

G'day guv'n- ''[cuts himself off mid-word.]''

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2261.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Valentines Day Hymn

2010-10-02T19:27:49Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:453-ValentineHymnCollage.JPG|thumb|right|Behold the V-Day Collage of Fail!]]

'''Valentines Day Hymn''' is one of [[Chris]]'s earliest shitty poems. He wrote it on Valentine's Day [[2000]] for his "Pokésite 2". He obviously didn't pay much attention in English, or he'd know that a "hymn" is a song with religious context.

==Text==

<poem>
'''Valentines Day Hymn.'''

2/14/2000

On the day of love and romance,
Hearts and cupids fly around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
And that man falls head over heels for a pretty gal.
Cards and candy go hand-to-hand,
Expressing the thoughts of love put in the poem.
Kisses are shared and fireworks are blown,
The only way that could happen is if they kissed on the 4th of July.
On a [[Dating|date]], the man could not pay the bill,
So his date slammed her door in his face.
Red and Pink are the hearty colors,
Because that's how the hearts were originally drawn.
The man's coat over a puddle,
The maiden walks,
Then the man trips and pays the laundry bill.
Under the moonlight,
The couples of the world kiss,
But unfortunately for few,
They are [[Bob walks in|interrupted by their parents]].
Night is right for love,
Except for the werewolf...
Whoops!
[[Random Access Humor|Wrong holiday]].
Happy Valentines Day to all lovers!
The cupids did a pretty good job,
Didn't they?
</poem>

==Analysis==

Chris tried his hand at free-verse with this poem. While some may see this as a bold, modern approach to poem writing, it is more likely that Chris was just too lazy to adhere to any sort of rhyming pattern or meter, instead writing down whatever the hell came out of his head without having to deal with the [[Stress|stress]] of a rigid pattern.

The poem seems to be about a [[Chris|clumsy, broke man]] and his lousy date (note the [[Women's Rights|misogynistic]] implication that the girl is shallow and only cares about money), but Chris deems it necessary to break up this story with some barely relevant thoughts on love and Valentines Day, making the poem even harder to read than it needs to be. The poem also does a great job in showing Chris's ignorance. He seems to believe that fireworks are only used on Valentines day and the Fourth of July, he has no idea what the term "hearty" means, and that apparently he thinks a woman would do her laundry on a date with a man. Chris wraps up this steaming pile of failure with a sprinkle of [[Random Access Humor|random access humor]] to ruin any sort of beauty that he lazily tries to create.

==Spanish version==
Chris wrote an alternate version for the Spanish version of the PokeSite, later put up on the [[CWCipedia]].<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWC_Speaks</ref>

With very minor exceptions (such as the last line, which literally translates to "Yes?" as opposed to "Didn't they"?), Chris opts for the literal school of translation, opting to translate word for word without regard to the original rhythm of the poem. Some English professors might argue that this is a sort of [[fail]].

===Chris's translation===
<poem>
En el díy de amor y romance,
Corazónes y cupids volan alrededor.
La flecha de cupid choca un hombre,
Y esto hombre está enamorado por la señora bonita.
Tarjetas de amor y cande son juntos bien,
Expresan los pensamientos de amor en la poema.
Los Besos son partes y los fuegos artificales explotan,
Puede ocurrir solomente si ellos besan en el 4 de Julio.
En una cita, el hombre no puede pagar la cuenta,
Tan su novia cerra su puerta en su cara.
Rojo y Rosado son los colores del día de St. Valentin,
Porqué son los colores originales de los corazónes.
El abrigo del hombre cubre un charco,
La doncella camina,
Que el hombre baja y paga la cuenta para la ropa lavada.
En el luz de la luna, Las parejas del mundo besan,
Pero para menos, Tienen in interrupción desde sus padres.
La noche es bueno para amor,
Excepto el werewolf...
¡Hoy!
Falsa fiesta.
Feliz día de St. Valentin para todos están enamoros!
Los cupids hacen un trabajo bueno,
Sí?
</poem>

===A correct translation===

<poem>
En el día del amor y del romance,
Vuelan corazones y cupidos.
La flecha de Cupido le da a un hombre,
Y éste se enamora perdidamente de una chica bonita.
Se pasan de mano a mano cartas y dulces
Que expresan los sentimientos de amor en el poema.
Se comparten besos y se estallan fuegos artificiales;
Esto sólo paasaría si se besaran el cuatro de julio.
Durante una cita, el hombre no pudo pagar la cuenta,
Por lo que la muchacha le cerró la puerta en la cara.
El rojo y el rosa son los colores del corazón
Porque así se dibujaron en un principio.
El saco del hombre sobre un charco,
Camina la doncella;
Luego, el hombre se tropieza y le paga al lavandero.
Bajo la luz de la luna
Se besan las parejas del mundo,
Pero, mal que le pese a algunos,
Los interrumpen sus padres.
La noche es adecuada para el amor,
Menos para el hombre lobo...
¡Uy!
Fiesta equivocada.
¡Feliz día de San Valentín a todos los enamorados!
Qué buen trabajo hicieron los cupidos,
¿No?
</poem>

==Chris's Spanish version literally translated back to English==

<poem>
In day of Romance love and,
Hearts and cupids high around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
and this man is enamoured by the pretty lady.
Cards of together love and good locks are,
Express the thoughts of love in the poem.
The Kisses are parts and the artificial fires explode,
Can happen single if they kiss on the 4th of July.
In an appointment, the man cannot pay the account,
So his fiancèe slamming his door in his face.
Red and Pink they are the colours of the day of St. Valentin,
Because they are the original colours of the hearts.
The shelter of the man covers a pool,
doncella walks,
That the low man and pays the account for the washed clothes.
On the light of the moon, the pairs of the world kiss,
But for less, They have in interruption from its parents.
The night is good for love,
Except werewolf…
Today!
False celebration.
Happy day of St. Valentin for all is enamoros!
Cupids makes a work good,
Yes?
</poem>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 May 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The second poem read, along with [[Hard Love Quest]] and [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]].
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu

2010-10-02T19:22:17Z

Manwithoutabody:

"'''Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu'''" is Sonichu's poem to [[Rosechu]]. Briefly quoted in [[Issue 0| Episode 2]], with the full text available in a Valentine's Day edition of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''. In one simple poem, Chris manages to make the reader completely lose all respect for literature in general. Obviously written stream-of-consciously, it's a mishmash of a loopy, offbeat meter and some extremely awkward rhymes. However, it still beats out many of Chris's poetic forays.

Incidentally, Sonichu feels he is required to point out that Rosechu [[Women's Rights|can't run as fast as he]]. He's a real charmer, that guy.

==Text==
[[Image:Sonichu's Ode.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu's [[Chris and sex|romantic advances]] allude to the famous verse of the great sonnetist, Christiano Ragespeare.]]

Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, 
though a [[Zapbud]] is the flower that heals your woes. 
You shock me with your electrifying radiance, 
If I evolve into your [[White knight|knight]], I will protect you with my [[Duck|lance]]. 
Speed makes no difference, though you are slower than I, 
You dance in a field with such grace and style. [[Stress sigh|Sigh]]… 
I will run [[Sonichu's Edge|great distances]] for thee, 
for I can run very fast and never get a strained knee. 
Rosey, as often as birds tweet, 
will you be my lovely heartsweet?

==Analysis==

The poem starts out rather well, with the first couplet managing to make sense and (almost) follow a meter. Things immediately rocket downhill in the next two lines, the phrase [[China|"electrifying radiance"]] throwing off the rhythm and not really rhyming with "lance". This is, of course, ignoring the [[Women's Rights|chauvinistic tone]] and the romance-killing [[Pokemon]] references. Chris comes under some heavy [[stress]] for the next bit, apparently, opening with a rather boring and cliched claim, followed by the awkwardly stuffed in 'strained knee'. The ending fares slightly better, reestablishing a pattern (albeit with a very awkward word order), but by then the damage is far too great.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 May 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The third poem read, along with [[Hard Love Quest]] and [[Valentine's Day Hymn]].
}}

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu

2010-10-02T19:21:39Z

Manwithoutabody:

"'''Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu'''" is Sonichu's poem to [[Rosechu]]. Briefly quoted in [[Issue 0| Episode 2]], with the full text available in a Valentine's Day edition of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''. In one simple poem, Chris manages to make the reader completely lose all respect for literature in general. Obviously written stream-of-consciously, it's a mishmash of a loopy, offbeat meter and some extremely awkward rhymes. However, it still beats out many of Chris's poetic forays.

Incidentally, Sonichu feels he is required to point out that Rosechu [[Women's Rights|can't run as fast as he]]. He's a real charmer, that guy.

==Text==
[[Image:Sonichu's Ode.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu's [[Chris and sex|romantic advances]] allude to the famous verse of the great sonnetist, Christiano Ragespeare.]]

Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, 
though a [[Zapbud]] is the flower that heals your woes. 
You shock me with your electrifying radiance, 
If I evolve into your [[White knight|knight]], I will protect you with my [[Duck|lance]]. 
Speed makes no difference, though you are slower than I, 
You dance in a field with such grace and style. [[Stress sigh|Sigh]]… 
I will run [[Sonichu's Edge|great distances]] for thee, 
for I can run very fast and never get a strained knee. 
Rosey, as often as birds tweet, 
will you be my lovely heartsweet?

==Analysis==

The poem starts out rather well, with the first couplet managing to make sense and (almost) follow a meter. Things immediately rocket downhill in the next two lines, the phrase [[China|"electrifying radiance"]] throwing off the rhythm and not really rhyming with "lance". This is, of course, ignoring the [[Women's Rights|chauvinistic tone]] and the romance-killing {{Pokemon}} references. Chris comes under some heavy [[stress]] for the next bit, apparently, opening with a rather boring and cliched claim, followed by the awkwardly stuffed in 'strained knee'. The ending fares slightly better, reestablishing a pattern (albeit with a very awkward word order), but by then the damage is far too great.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 May 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The third poem read, along with [[Hard Love Quest]] and [[Valentine's Day Hymn]].
}}

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Jackie

2010-10-01T15:40:54Z

Manwithoutabody:

{{quote|And you will be safe, as long as I [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|do not talk]] about you at all online|[[Jackie e-mails|Every good show needs some foreshadowing]]}}

[[Image:JackSweetheart.jpg|thumb|Jackie IRL, note the shirt and bracelet]]
[[Image:ModNation Sweetheart.jpg|thumb|"[[Sweetheart]]" in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', note the shirt and bracelet]]

'''Jacklyn "Jackie" Romley''' is a woman whom [[Chris]] met on [[The Hook Cafe]]. Not much is known about Jackie other than what's present in a set of emails and a video uploaded by Chris.

==Jackie's Hook Cafe Profile (Username Luv2Jax)==

===Sexy sweetie looking for love===

I'm a little shy about this, but here goes... I'm looking for a guy between about 26-30 (I like my guys a little older, just call me old fashioned I guess) who is tall, has an [[Chris and health|athletic build, straight teeth, and a good smile.]] I don't really care what you do so long as you're [[monthly tugboat|driven]]; I care more about a [[Chris and fashion|nice sense of style]] and [[Fridays After Five|outgoing personality]]. I want [[Virgin with rage|someone who doesn't need to be with someone but wants to because he knows how amazing it can be!]]

Things I like to do, let's see... I love to go biking, it'd be nice if you did too. I love to play golf as well. I like to go out afer work, [[McDonalds|go to dinner]], cook dinner together (I LOVE to cook), spend the weekend [[Chris and rape|at my family's cabin]], travel, road trip and have [[Hanky-Panky|sex]]. Lots and lots of sex. (not gonna [[List of Chris's lies|lie]]!) Probably during some of the activities I just listed... I want that chemistry that is so strong, just a kiss can lead to wanting to have sex right then and there...
I suppose you want to know a little about me, hm?

I'm 5'3", slender, I don't [[Tobacky|smoke]] (HATE it) but I [[Chris's Big Night Out|drink]] once in a while. I graduated college last year and I work as an [[Chris and English|editor]] for a magazine. I love every day. [[Sonichu's Edge|I run in road races]]. [[Chris and money|Oh, and I shop]]. I shop a LOT. :) Most importantly, I want that [[Autism|special]] someone I can share my life with and start a family with.

[[Chris and his ego|If you're reading this and you feel like it describes you, I hope you'll email me back!]]

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Woman''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''Friends, Casual Dating, Long-term Relationship''' 
Body Type: '''Slender, Petite, Curvy''' 
Eyes: '''Hazel''' 
Height: '''5' 03"''' 
Hair Type: '''Red''' 
Age: '''22''' 
Seeks: [[Duck|'''Man for Dating, Man for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''College graduate''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''Unitarian''' 
Political Leanings: '''Independent, Kinky''' 
Neighborhood: '''Charlottesville''' 
City: '''Charlottesville''' 
Occupation: '''Magazine Editor''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''Yes'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Sometimes]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''Car, Bycicle, Walk''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Nudes|No red meat]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''Reading, Sex, Creating, Working out, Watching movies, Shopping, Biking, Frisbee Golf''' 
Funniest Thing: '''A monkey on roller skates'''

===Deeper===
'''If you could have a dinner party and invite any 4 people, dead or alive, wo'd be coming?'''
Wilt Chamberlain, [[Anne Boleyn|Queen Elizabeth I]], [[Mailbag_1#Chris_the_inventor|Leonardo Da Vinci]] and Liberace.

'''What's under your bed?''' My old [[PSP|Playstation]]... it's my guilty pleasure!

'''Two books that everybody should read are''' [[Father_Call#Literature_and_health|Of Mice and Men]] and the Great Gatsby.

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''[[Chris and race|big]][[Homos|ot]][[Women's rights|ry]]''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: the brain of a '''Andy Warhol''' and the body of a '''Brad Pitt'''

People say '''my smile is my best feature'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''... ask me...'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''good cooking''' The quickest way to my bed is '''strong, muscly arms'''' And in the morning, I like my eggs cooked '''basted'''

The last concert I attented was '''[[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|Crash Test Dummies]]'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''Digimon'''

'''Dogwood''' is my favorite local festival.

I wouldn't sell '''my body''' for a billion dollars.

'''[[Vanessa Hudgens|Christina Ricci]]''' is the celebrity I've been told I resemble.

'''[[China|P.F. Changs]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
The Corner or '''[[CWCville Shopping Center|Downtown Mall]]'''

'''Blockbuster''' or Sneak Reviews

'''[[Matthew Noble call|Best Buy]]''' or Sidetracks

'''Wireless''' or Landline

'''Aristocrat''' or Grey Goose

Beatles or '''Stones'''

CD or '''MP3'''

'''Carmike''' or Vinegar Hill

Dogs or '''Cats'''

'''Summer''' or Winter

Black or '''[[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Brown]]'''

'''Bars''' or Stay Home

Kroger or '''Whole Food'''

'''PC''' or Mac

'''Wheel of Fortune''' or Grey's Anatomy

Steak or '''[[Pickles|Salad]]'''

Steak or '''Sushi'''

'''Cavaliers''' or Redskins

'''Casket''' or Cremation

Fax or '''Email'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

'''Pumps''' or Flats

'''Beach''' or Mountains

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==First contact==

{{main|Jackie Emails}}

Jackie corresponded with Chris in a series of emails spanning from 5 to 21 [[April 2010]]. The exchange culminated in a rather disturbing [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|video]] outlining Chris's knowledge of cunnilingus in lurid detail.

==A new dawn?==
In early [[September 2010]] his [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|E-Mail exchange with Clyde and Tito]] suggests the possibility of a new sweetheart, but Chris refuses to reveal her name. Furthermore, he uploaded a ''[[ModNation]]'' character generically named 'Sweetheart', which was discussed to be another [[Chloe]] or [[Wallflower]].

On 13 September 2010 Chris uploaded a [[To_Jackie,_with_Love.MOV|video]] officially proclaiming his love to Jackie. Three days later, he produced a [[Song_for_Jackie.MOV|video]] capitalizing on Jackie's love for Canadian band, Crash Test Dummies, while ''[[Chris and race|in blackface]]''. It appears that Jackie is fast on her way to becoming the new [[Ivy]].

==Lars==

[[Image:Lars.png|thumb|Jackie can't resist those eyes]]

Lars is Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]]. Chris's [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|first video addressing Lars]] was on 25 September 2010, where Chris proved who was the bigger and stronger man by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]]. A [[New Address|second video]] appeared two days later, where Chris gloats over how Lars has lost Jackie, explains how he will fulfil her every desire, and warns Lars not to mess with her - or [[Death threats|Chris will intervene]]. Not long after, [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|he started babbling about tape dispensers]].

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan - Fever
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xuWAnso41hE}}
| Stardate = 27 September 2010
| Maker = AnimuAnimalia
| Video Type =
}}

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Anti Troll Movement Video1

2010-09-27T12:17:35Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[File:datface1.png|thumb|200px|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]].]]

'''Anti Troll Movement Video1''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 26 [[September 2010]]. He sings the same song about [[trolls]] featured in his [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]] animation [[Don'tGetTrolled!|Don'tGetTrolled]], apparently in hopes of promoting an "Anti-Troll Cyber Bully Movement". Surprisingly, Chris was able to recite the lyrics with a good deal of accuracy, even though he completely missed the original point of the song.

In the latter half of the video (which, completely contrary to the alleged topic of the video, has nothing to do with anti-trolling), he lists the "sponsors" of his video, including ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', and [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Oil of Olay soap]]. Considering he is wearing the same t-shirt he [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|wore the day before]], his promotion of personal hygiene products is rather ironic. Chris specifying and praising anti-dandruff formula haircare highly suggests that he has dandruff; a safe assumption and an easy bet.

In essence: Chris once again [[Family_guy#Influence_on_Chris| doesn't get the point of the original message]] of [[Parody| what he steals]], nor does he apply [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_closed_due_to_A.28I.29DS|previously learned lessons]] and [[Wallflower_E-mails_3|repeats the mistakes of the past]].

At this point, Procter & Gamble (the owners of Oil of Olay)'s reaction is unknown.
{{clear}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Anti Troll Movement Video1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EgZijKM17Kw}}
| stardate = 26 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| next = Current
| saga =
}}
{{quote|Oil of Olay brand bar soap... Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good|Chris on the benefits of washing}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris turns on the camera and speaks in an odd sing-song rhythm.'']

And now, a very, encouraging, song.

[''He begins singing "[[Don'tGetTrolled!|You've Been trolled]]"'']

Youuuu've beeeen trolled 
You've been trolled 
You have PROB-ly been told 
Don't reply...
[[File:Christler.jpg|thumb|right|Haben Sie einen schönen Tag, mein Führer.]]
[''He turns away and reaches for a crudely-drawn picture of a troll, which he holds up through the song and after.'']

To this guy 
He is just getting a rise 
Out of you 
Yes, it's true 
You respond and that's his cue 
You start trouble on the double 
While he strokes his manly stubble

You've been trolled 
You've been trolled 
You should probably just fold 
When the only winning move is not to plaaaay

Then you keep on trying 
Endlessly replying 
You've been trolled 
You've been trolled 
Havnicedaaay!

[''The singing ends.'']

This video, portraying and projecting the Anti-Troll Cyber Bully Movement...

[''He puts down the troll picture.'']

...has been brought to you by ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' and...

[''He holds up a box of soap.'']

...Oil of Olay brand bar soap, and other things. Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good...

[''Chris [[Homo|drops the soap.]]'']

I just used it to wash my hands! And I use it in the shower! To [[Mass debating|wash myself vigorously!]] I certainly do not use any animals, my own [[Semen|jizz]], or anything else other than Oil of Olay brand bars of soap. And [[Axe]] body wash. And shampoo, and conditioner. Available in anti-dandruff form! But anyway, Oil of Olay. Softer, smoother skin in a week, and makes you very clean. Have a nice day!

[''Chris throws up a Nazi salute and turns off the camera.'']

{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and race

2010-09-24T17:57:02Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[Image:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|Chris's view of other races.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. In a [[Katie Bay E-mails|recently leaked series of e-mails]], it is shown and Chris simply does not seem to know there is a difference between China and Japan, as he calls the Japanese account Chinese, failing to realize that they have different written languages or even different currency.

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. However, he never includes black hair when he lists suitable hair colors for potential [[sweethearts]], which would exclude most Asian women. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Cheng Zhong'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. This video was inevitable [[fail]] because true Cherokee wore vests, and used only bows and arrows (something Chris is too stupid to use). The first tribes to use firearms were the Apaches of Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas, who used rifles, not pistols. This whole video proves nothing but Chris being an aspie. He's probably ''not even Native American''.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL, called a Hanukkiah, has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles (especially single ones not on a Menorah) are super-important to Jews!

Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply ''asking'' if he's allergic, she just assumes it. Because Jews are Melvins with many allergies, you see.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating specially ''fried'' foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish (although, Snyder is a very common German last name), using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero (even though most Mexicans prefer a 10 gallon hat), and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement and [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|has friends in the Klan and may be a member himself]], it's safe to assume that he passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. In 2008 Bob said that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in ''Sonichu'' with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic. Chris most likely has no idea what kind of rituals took place in Native American culture. If he did, he would know that some tribes slit their [[duck|cocks]] to please the gods. I bet he doesn't want to be Native American anymore. Or does he?

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good, never seen)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (<s>Paleface</s> Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, good, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and race

2010-09-24T15:18:16Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[Image:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|Chris's view of other races.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. In a [[Katie Bay E-mails|recently leaked series of e-mails]], it is shown and Chris simply does not seem to know there is a difference between China and Japan, as he calls the Japanese account Chinese, failing to realize that they have different written languages or even different currency.

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. However, he never includes black hair when he lists suitable hair colors for potential [[sweethearts]], which would exclude most Asian women. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Cheng Zhong'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. This video was inevitable [[fail]] because true Cherokee wore vests, and used only bows and arrows (something Chris is too stupid to use). The first tribes to use firearms were the Apaches of Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas, who used rifles, not pistols. This whole video proves nothing but Chris being an aspie. He's probably ''not even Native American''.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL, called a Hanukkiah, has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles (especially single ones not on a Menorah) are super-important to Jews!

Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply ''asking'' if he's allergic, she just assumes it. Because Jews are Melvins with many allergies, you see.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating specially ''fried'' foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish (although, Snyder is a very common German last name), using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero (even though most Mexicans prefer a 10 gallon hat), and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement and [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|has friends in the Klan and may be a member himself]], it's safe to assume that he passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. In 2008 Bob said that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic. Chris most likely has no idea what kind of rituals took place in Native American culture. If he did, he would know that some tribes slit their [[duck|cocks]] to please the gods. I bet he doesn't want to be Native American anymore. Or does he?

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good, never seen)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (<s>Paleface</s> Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, good, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and race

2010-09-24T15:17:22Z

Manwithoutabody:

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[Image:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|Chris's view of other races.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. In a [[Katie Bay E-mails|recently leaked series of e-mails]], it is shown and Chris simply does not seem to know there is a difference between China and Japan, as he calls the Japanese account Chinese, failing to realize that they have different written languages or even different currency.

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. However, he never includes black hair when he lists suitable hair colors for potential [[sweethearts]], which would exclude most Asian women. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Cheng Zhong'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. This video was inevitable [[fail]] because true Cherokee wore vests, and used only bows and arrows (something Chris is too stupid to use). The first tribes to use firearms were the Apaches of Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas, who used rifles, not pistols. This whole video proves nothing but Chris being an aspie. He's probably ''not even Native American''.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL, called a Hanukkiah, has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles (especially single ones not on a Menorah) are super-important to Jews!

Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply ''asking'' if he's allergic, she just assumes it. Because Jews are Melvins with many allergies, you see.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating specially ''fried'' foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish (although, Snyder is a very common German last name), using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero (even though most Mexicans prefer a 10 gallon hat), and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement and [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|has friends in the Klan and may be a member himself]], it's safe to assume that he passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. In 2008 Bob said that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

It has also been discovered through a prank call that Bob is a member of the Ku Klux Klan, so he is indeed a racist.

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic. Chris most likely has no idea what kind of rituals took place in Native American culture. If he did, he would know that some tribes slit their [[duck|cocks]] to please the gods. I bet he doesn't want to be Native American anymore. Or does he?

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good, never seen)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (<s>Paleface</s> Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, good, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

User:Manwithoutabody/Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man

2010-09-23T17:57:35Z

Manwithoutabody: