CWCki - User contributions [en]

For Julie's Eyes Only

2019-09-10T23:47:01Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation, added dead link template for fan video which is down, minor formatting update

{{honest}}
<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right|JULAY!]]</div>

 
[[Image:Blowupdoll.gif|center]]

{{protip|"JULLLAAAY" is a discredited meme. Only weens comment on Chris related videos with any variant of "JULLAAAAAAAY". Even bigger weens are people who think it's funny to PM and/or e-mail Chris with "JULLLAAAAAAAAAY." The biggest weens are those who think it's funny to call Chris's house and scream "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAY".}}

[[File:JULAY! autograph.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris wrote "that darned Meme Word" on an autograph and sold it for $75 on [[ebay]].]]

On 20 [[February 2009]], one of the closest things [[Christian Weston Chandler]] will ever have to a sex tape was leaked to the Internet. The video file '''For Julies Eyes Only.MP4''' consists of nearly eight minutes of Chris, completely nude except for his socks, making love to [[Kimmi|an inflatable sex doll]]. The sex tape was soon uploaded to SlutLoad where it has received over 3.2 million views.

On 31 [[May 2016]] it has been proven that Chris [[IMG 3207|still hasn't learned from his mistake.]]

On 21 [[April 2018]] he once again [[All Star|made the same mistake.]]
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = For Julie's Eyes Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MecdJiovNt0}}
| stardate = 20 [[February 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Julie|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 18 February 2009]]
| next = [[Ode to Julie]]
}}

==Transcript==
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY!!!! JULAAAAAAY!!!! |Chris while humping Kimmi.}}
{{quote|You take that like a good, bad girl!|Also while humping Kimmi.}}
{{quote|I'm ready to cum!!|Again, while humping Kimmi.}}

'''0:00-0:05''' [''Chris sits cross-legged on his bed, holding Kimmi up as though it were a naked girl standing before him, says "Hey, Julie," and glances at her.'']

'''0:06-0:10''' [''He lies back as he pulls the doll into position over his [[duck]].''] "I love you, Julie..."

'''0:11-0:28''' [''He grips the doll, possibly trying to finger its asshole. He seems confused as to how to effectively copulate with this device.'']

'''0:29-0:44''' [''Our hero abandons all pretense and bends the doll at an unnatural angle (with its upper body pointed straight up and its legs pointed straight out behind it), grapevining its legs with his own and pounding it diligently. Its asshole is spread wide in full view of the camera.'']

'''0:45-0:48''' In a satisfied tone, he sighs "Mmm... Julie..." A moment later, sounding surprised by her passion, he exclaims "''Julieee!''"

'''0:49-1:25''' [''Quiet, uneventful thrusting. Chris seems to have a determined look on his face, as though he is focused on servicing his vinyl lover.'']

'''1:26-1:32''' [''A loud snap can be heard, which seems to catch Chris's attention. He lifts the doll up and examines his crotch, then reaches over to pause the recording. In an email, he tells Julie that his condom had broke so he had to put on another one.']

'''1:33-1:52''' [''Chris resumes filming and humping.'']

'''1:53-2:06''' [''He shifts to a sort of scissor position, with Kimmi "straddling" his right thigh. Chris keeps one hand planted on its "breast".'']

'''2:07-2:08''' "Mmm... Julie! Julieeee!"

'''2:09-2:28''' [''More scissoring.'']

'''2:28-2:31''' "Yesss, Julie... Julie! Mmmm..."

'''2:32-2:49''' [''Chris briefly tries to stick several fingers into Kimmi's ass before rolling over onto his side. His ass is now in full view as it thrusts and quivers against the love doll.'']

'''2:50-2:51''' "You like that, don't you, Julie?"

'''2:52-3:13''' [''More ass-thrusting.'']

'''3:14-3:20''' "Come on, Julie... [unintelligible] take that cock... Mmm, Julie!"

'''3:21-3:39''' [''Chris picks up speed...'']

'''3:40-3:43''' [''Chris puts his right leg over the doll and continues thrusting.'']

'''3:44-3:47''' "Oh, Julie... Julie!"

'''3:47-4:05''' [''More thrusting.'']

'''4:06-4:08''' [''Two loud snaps can be heard as Chris takes his leg off the doll.'']

'''4:25-4:30''' [''Chris now sits on the bed and open his legs, putting the blow-up doll over his body. The scene cuts.'']

'''4:31-4:40''' [''Filming resumes. Chris is seated cross-legged in the bed, much like the first scene. He proceeds to hump the doll.'']

'''4:41-4:50''' [''Chris opens his legs and humps some more.''] "Julie... Yes, Julie... You take that like a good—BAD girl!"

'''5:00-5:21''' [''Chris now is humping the doll quickly. His face is extremely red.'']

'''5:22-5:23''' "Hnmm..."

'''5:24-5:25''' [''Chris cuts the film and resumes the same scene, still humping the doll while seated.'']

'''5:33-5:44''' [''Chris now starts to hump the doll on his knees.'']

'''5:45-5:53''' [''Chris now straddles the doll face-down, thrusting like a rabbit.'']

'''5:54-6:04''' [''Chris holds the doll's boobies and starts to "ride" Kimmi.'']

'''6:05-6:09''' "Oh, Julie...JULAAAAAY, JULAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

'''6:23-6:40''' "Ju— Yeah... Julie! Julie! Hnmph...hnm... Hnmph...uhh...uhh...uh..."

'''6:47-7:09''' "Hnm, ah, yeah, JULIE! I'm— ah, I'm ready to CUUUM!!! JULIE! JULAY! JULAY! JULIEEE! Julie... HNMPH!" [''More moaning.'']

'''7:10-7:24''' "AAAAUUUUGHHHHAAAHNNN!!!" [''More moaning.'']

'''7:25-7:40''' [''Chris suffocates the doll with his weight by lying over her. He thrusts a couple of times and turns off the camera.''] "Julie, thank you."


==Postcards==

[[Image:Postcard_from_Ebaums.jpg|thumb|center|Greetings to the Chandler family!]]
Postcards of the act were sent direct to [[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] by an anonymous troll in early March. His family's reaction is unknown, except that his [[PSEye]] was briefly taken away.

==Fan videos==

{{DeadLinks}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = What Happens When Chris Chan Gets His Blow Up Doll
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ifpYhCUktR4}}
| stardate = 23 [[January 2010]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ5-dbGXiD7i4uAOeTD0Vkg John Segway]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| type =
| info = What has sceience done.}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[A-Log]] Watches A Man Fuck A Blow-Up Doll
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hnkxUcn-2Gc}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2012]]
| maker = [[Anthony LoGatto]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Smug|[[Narcissism]]}}, {{Violence|[[Death Threats]]}}
| type = "Commentary"/A-Logging
| info = Warning: this video is painful.}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = JULAAAY: A-Log Edition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-Ve-lcD5TT4}}
| stardate = 19 [[July 2012]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEfTnwTUTjRIuC5MQk9AsnA The A-Log Archive]
| info = For [[/cwc/]]
|}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan's For Julie's Eyes Only Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1InqCaFU0rg}}
| stardate = 17 [[February 2018]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| subject =
| type =
| info = YAAAALUJ
}}

==See also==
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]
* [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]
*[[IMG 3207]] - Chris' second "attempt" at a sex tape.
*[[All Star]] - Chris' third sex tape, brought to you by the [[Idea Guy|Idea Guys]].

==External links==
* [https://archive.org/details/cwc-forjulieseyesonly Watch it online]
* [http://eye.swfchan.com/flash.asp?id=52656&n=JULAY.swf JULAY + TIMMEH!]
* [https://goblinrefuge.com/mediagoblin/u/lekeksz/m/for-julie-s-eyes-only/ Alternate video mirror]
* [http://sonichumart.com/vids/2009-02-20+For_Julie%27s_Eyes_Only.MP4 Download the full video here!] (broken)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 18 February 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 4 March 2009]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-20]]
[[Category: Julie saga videos| 2009-02-20]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2009-02-20]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2019-09-10T23:41:47Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of three videos and a handful of photos, showing Chris engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. Chris made all of them for [[Ivy]] except the shower dance, which was another audition tape for [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. This content was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==
In their conversations about love and life, Chris told [[Ivy]] that he [[recycling|recycled]] his semen to protect his fertility. He also claimed that his semen would taste ''exactly'' like what he had recently eaten. To test this hypothesis, Ivy requested a video. Naturally, Chris screws it up, drinking the Fanta only after the fact.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JDHuxcvJuEk}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[A CWC Audition]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[comeuppance|cum]] I just [[mass debating|masturborted]] out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]

Couldn't find any chocolate syrup, but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/CWC+-+Cum+Fanta.mp4/ Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Spank Dat Ass==
Chris is depicted spanking himself while kneeling on his filthy, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|yellow]]ed mattress. Ivy requested this video as punishment for his cheating on her with Vanessa, but she had not specified that he be nude.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Spank Dat Ass
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43rXOfbX0jo}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta: Semen Flavor]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#How NOT to Take a Shower|How NOT to Take a Shower]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh [[Ivy]], that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg|SMACK
Image:Spanking2.jpg|DAT
Image:Spanking3.jpg|ASS!!!!
</gallery></center>

* [http://www.mediafire.com/file/6gflv4rvk8t43pj/spanking_video.mp4/file/ Mediafire - Download Required.]

==How NOT to Take a Shower==
{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

Chris dances with an imaginary woman in his [[ShowerClean|beyond unclean shower stall]]. This audition video was commissioned by Vanessa. She thought he had star quality.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3_9ZdTNBKGA}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
| next = [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin condition is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he [[Pedofork|is holding the hands of a small child]]. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, but he has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitalia extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|DAT GROUT
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/Chris+in+the+Shower.mp4 Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Unfit for Collection==
This set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers ("nappies" in the British dialect), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]], was demanded by Ivy and her roommate as further punishment for his cheating. In Ivy's words, "During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to 'still look good for me'."

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg|You can actually see the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit stains]]...
Image:HelloSpas.jpg|A bout of [[random-access humor]].
Image:Ecp00065.jpg|Lick dat medallion!
Image:Ecp00066.jpg|Wink wink.
</gallery>
</center>

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Videos containing nudity| 2009-04-16]]

CWCFlyingElephants

2019-09-10T23:41:16Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation & updated dead link with working mediafire version

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|frame|This video, quite clearly indeed, shows Chris's horrendous man-ass.]]

"'''CWCFlyingElephants'''" is a seven-minute video made by [[Chris]], and published by [[The Miscreants]] on 27 [[April 2009]]. Chris made this "crazy nudie audition," as he dubbed it, for [[gal-pal]] [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. It shows Chris in his room, naked, displaying a show of what he calls [[random-access humor]]. Chris runs, twirls, acts crazy and does handstands while [[nudes|completely in the nude]]. In addition, he [[parody|imitates]] lines from ''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd n Eddy|Ed, Edd, n Eddy]]'', quotes ''[[Monty Python]]'', plays with [[toys]], and throws around [[Li'l Chris]].

==Videos==
===Audio-Only Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants (Audio-Only)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x1C32vxJxOY}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

===Censored Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants (Censored)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eKrl7SA0Myo}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

===Uncensored Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants (Uncensored NSFW)
| video = {{#ev:archiveorg|CWCFlyingElephants}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris is standing in front of the camera wearing a bath robe. He briefly raises his eyebrows.'']

And now for [[Somecummpentydifferent|something completely different]]. [''removes his robe, revealing he is not wearing a shirt''] BUUUUNG! And now, [''in a deep voice''] it's...[''normal voice''] ''[[Monty Python]]'s Flying Elephants''! [''poorly imitates the series' theme song, "The Liberty Bell"'']

[''spoken frequently fast and high-pitched''] [[Johan]], why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg, why is people running away? Johan! Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Johan! Greeg! Johan! Johan! Why is people running away? I don't know, buddy Greeg. Johan! Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg. Johan, Johan, why is people running away? [''slaps himself on the side of the head''] SHUT UP! You're driving me crazy!

[''begins to let out muffled screams as he runs towards the door of his room, shaking the door knob as if it were locked. This also reveals the fact he is '''completely nude.''' He then pauses as he suddenly looks at something on the shelf.''] Hm! [''removes a magazine from the shelf''] [[Star Wars|It's a trap!]] [''throws the magazine on the table before he starts constipatedly screaming again. He runs towards the door again, but seems to injure himself against something on the wall, crouching down to the floor in pain immediately after.'']

[''Jump cut to Chris standing in front of the camera, still nude.''] And now for something cuppity different, a man impersonating [[South Park|Towelie the Towel]]. [''begins imitating''] Oh my goodness, [[Un-clit|My]] [[China|pussy]] [[Tomgirl Pictures|is wet]]! Don't forget to bring a towel! What? When your pussy is wet, and you don't want to lose a bet, you want to dry yourself up right away! [''mimics flossing a towel between his legs''] That's why Towelie says: [''raises a finger in the air''] don't forget to bring a towel! [[Yawning Squirtle|Wanna get high?]] NOOOOO! NOOO!

[''In his impersonation of the Gumbys''] I would like to meet someone of [[Autism|superior intelligence]]. I would like to hear the sound of two bricks being smashed together. I would like to see...ten million stupid monkeeeeys. I would like to see [[Chris and religion|John the Baptist]] impersonation of [[Wikipedia:Graham Hill|Graham Hill]]. Yes, it's historic impersonations!

[''Jump cut to Chris, still in the same situation.''] Full-frontal nudity? Yes, I'd do it. If it was valid. If the money was valid. I haven't had enough of the permissive society! I've heard of unisex, but I've never had it. [''slaps himself on the side of the head''] Shut up, you're driving me crazy! AAAAAAAAAGH! [''ducks below the camera's view'']

[''Jump cut to Chris kneeling on his bed, face against the blanket. He hits his face against it several times.''] I'm a woodpecker! [''resumes''] 'Cept with dirt!<ref>Originally said by Ed; originated from the ''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd n Eddy|Ed, Edd n Eddy]]'' episode "[http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/stop-look-ed/episode/123292/summary.html Stop, Look and Ed]"</ref> [''Resumes hitting his face against the bed several more times before rolling off to the side.'']

[''Jump cut to Chris doing a headstand on his sofa, completely nude, giving a full view of his [[pickle]]. After he gets back to his feet, the camera jumps to Chris facing the door of his room. He rises up.'']

Get out of my head! [''yells while spinning in circles''] HLOO! [''falls to the ground. The camera slightly shakes.'']

[''Jump cut to Chris holding a Bumblebee toy.''] And now for something completely different. Bebelapdapbambalamba. Bebelabadapbambajamba-[[Transformers|Bumblebeeee]]! [''holds out the toy''] Buzzing around. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Really, [[Transformers|Prowl]]. [''holds up a Prowl toy in his other hand''] And how necessary is that side-car? Just so you can wear the helmet of your past mastaaaaaar?! [''Jump cut to Chris holding two different toys.''] Come here, [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]]. Lend me [[Wikipedia:Laserbeak|Laserbeak]]! [''pulls a piece of the toy off that looks like a guitar, and begins strumming it like it were a miniature instrument''] DIIII DIIII DIIII DIIII [[CWC More Than A Feeling|MORE THAN A FEELI-]]

[''jump cut to Chris without the toys'']

I like a nice dance, you're forced to! Otherwise...who said that? [''Starts twisting his head around.''] Who said that? Said that? Anywaaay. Who said that? There will now be a short intermission, during which small ice creams and large boxes will be served in the commissary. Another way to drive people away from the theater is to show a turfs-dispenser. Fzzzs. [''drops to the ground.''] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. [[White knight|Pearls before swine]] presents!

[''Jump cut to Chris standing with his arms spread.''] The like, do you like this model, or how about this model? I'll give you a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|karate-kick]] for your money. Hyaah! [''kicks at the camera''] I'll give you a punch, and a whiz-bang, and a boom! [''punches at the air several times''] All you got to do is come down here.

[''Jump cut to Chris doing his [[Donald Duck impersonation]]''] Oh my gosh, look at me! I'm naked! I forgot my [[Sailor Moon|sailor suit]], and my hat, and [[Duck|apparatus]]. I don't know, but I guess. [''reaches off screen and shows his clothing on camera''] Here's what I have to do. Here's my clothes. Bwaa. I went out of the cartoon.

[''Jump cut to Chris with a T-shirt wrapped around his face. He imitates [[South Park|Kenny]].''] Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Excuse me, what did you say? Hmmph, rmmph.

[''Jump cut to Chris no longer wearing it.''] Hey [[South Park|Kenny]], you get out here, you take off that stupid little orange or blue jacket, or whatever the hell color it is you wear, and talk to people like you every real life, don't just mumble your words.

[''Cue another jump cut.''] Hey dude, that's not cool.

[''holding a can of Pepsi.''] Yep. Yep. Yep. Mm-hm. [''Imitating Hank Hill; jump cut to Chris taking a sip of Pepsi, then gasping. Jump cut to Chris without the Pepsi''] Product placement, eh--product placement in this program is hereby endorsed and provided by the studio, which is provided from the companies of which those products became, originated from, thereof. Another way we can drive people away from the studio is to act. Like. A. Loony!

[''Cue another jump cut.''] I once knew a man from Nantucket, he has on his head, a silly bucket. And now I have on my head, [''grabs a teddy bear''] a [[Li'l Chris|silly little bear]], I'm wearing [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|clean underwear]]. Wearing clean underwear like I just don't care. [''squeezes the bear's paw and it starts to speak'']

Wow, he just said what I said. I'm undecided! [''throws the bear and begins screaming and running around his room again. He lifts a chair, looks at the camera, then lowers it''] HNNNNG! HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! PFOOP! [''falls to the ground, shaking the camera. Jump cut to Chris' foot in the air, with a sock on.''] Hm, I guess he's done left the studio for now. Well, that's all folks. Du du du du du du du du. Du du du du du du du du. [[Pedofork|Pedi]] pedi di di. Plong. ['' other foot joins in''] LILILILILILILILI! Plonk.

[''Jump cut to Chris, standing up.''] Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Moola moola moola. He must be asking for a [[Monthly tugboat|handout]]. Indeed. And now it's the indeed show, starring [[Gilligan's Island|Mr. Thurston Howell III]]. Indeed. Indeed. [''The video used in this article ends with a cut to black, then a zoom-in on Chris's face while he makes a noise.'']

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan's CWCFlyingElephants Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|l_eiCNjO8hU}}
| stardate = 23 [[October 2017]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| subject =
| type =
| info = [[Random-Access Humor]] at its finest, now backwards!
}}

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Random-access humor]]
*[[Monty Python]]
*[[I Got A Fish]]
*[[Bunny Hop]]
*[[Nudes]]
*[[CWC 3D Voice Check]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/file/yo8nvtsjjpwlfqm/CWCFlyingElephants.mp4/file Uncensored version - Mediafire - Download Required] (NSFW, of course)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Power]]|nextlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]|}}

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2009-04-27]]

Cwcsicle

2019-09-10T23:37:38Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation

{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCSICLE.jpg|thumb|Chris' previous experience with freezing his johnson.]]

'''Cwcsicle''' is a name of a video log entailing [[Chris]] sticking his [[duck]] in the snow for 15 minutes. It was made as part of the ''[[Wikipedia:Jackass 3D|Jackass 3D]]'' Prank Contest, in which the person who submitted the best prank would get to appear in ''Jackass 3D''. Needless to say, Chris did not win, as he violated both the rules and common sense; most ''Jackass''-style pranks are quite dangerous, so sending video footage (as opposed to plans or sketches) wasn't allowed.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100821113658/http://jackass-3d-contest.wonderhowto.com/blog/jackass-3d-prank-contest-0118504/</ref>

Chris also claims that it is impossible to change the onboard clock on one's cellphone; this is obviously untrue, but Chris may have had automatic update of date and time on his [[Wikipedia:Motorola W315|Motorola W315]], and was too dim to know that it can be turned off. He may have feigned ignorance about this, in order to lie about the duration for which he performed this act of complete idiocy.

It is split into five parts: 100_2123 through 7.MOV. These titles seem to suggest that it was made in [[February 2010]]. Prior to the selling of the [[Autographed Photos]], it would be his work for a while to feature the [[medallion]].

==Videos==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCsicle
| video = {{#ev:youtube|PjRRL4i6QZA}}
| stardate =
| subject = {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{SafetyParka|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}, {{Live|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==Transcripts==
===100_2123.MOV (0:25)===
''[Christian stands in his snow-covered backyard. He is dressed quite heavily, pointing the camera at himself [[Chris and cinematography|with a rather shaky hand]].]'' Hi, I'm Christian Chandler, uh, this is "[[Random-access humor|Frozen Stalactite]]". [''attempts to tilt camera towards crotch, thankfully missing it entirely.''] I'm gonna put my dick in the snow [''aims it back at his face''] and I'm gonna leave it in there for about 15 minutes. Currently it's 12:38 [''holds up his phone with his free hand''] according to my cellphone clock. If there's one clock you can not change, it's the one on your cellphone. [''pans camera down, revealing that he's buried himself waist-deep, then pans back up''] Okay, see ya'll in 15 minutes.

===100_2124.MOV (0:07)===
[''holding up phone''] Yeah, about 6 minutes in now. Whooh. Boy, it's cold. I've had p--[''video abruptly ends'']

===100_2125.MOV (0:10)===
[''carrying on from where the former left off, albeit with a little more urgency''] About 6 minutes in now. I've had previous experiences with, uh, freezing my dick, and I've even stretched it a bit. Right. I'll be checking back in se-in 7.

===100_2126.MOV (0:22)===
A-alrighty, it's 12:53 [''nearly beans himself in the face with his PSEye lens''] Let's pull me out. ENYGH! [''gets up and nearly loses balance. The camera goes out of focus, although Chris can be heard shivering. It then turns to focus on his crotch, with his pickle thankfully quite out of view. The sound of something scraping the mic can be heard as he examines his genitals.''] Feels blue. [''we go out of focus as we see Chris's duck. Not only is it within view, it has turned bright red and the camera is upside down. Shortly after, the camera turns away.''] Look at all that snow all over me. There's the hole it was in. [''we finally turn to Chris's face''] Heh. Kids, that is definitely something--[''video abruptly ends.'']

===100_2127.MOV (0:06)===
Everybody, I dare say that is one stunt you should not try at home. Peace out. [''We turn away and the camera is set down.'']

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://archive.org/details/cwcsicle Uncensored version]

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2010]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity]]

Warning - Naughty Women ;)

2019-09-10T23:36:36Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation and added deadlinks template for dead video link

{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|200px|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]
[[Image:CWCRockin4Gay.jpg|thumb|200px|"If I was a homosexual..."]]

'''Warning - Naughty Women ;)''' (officially '''10102009 Warning - Naughty Women. ;)''') is a video in which [[Chris]] tries to use [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], a drawing of himself [[Fuck Quest|having sex]] with three female members of his [[Guitar Hero]] "rock band" as evidence against allegations that he's a [[homos|homosexual]]. He also specifically points out that one of them is [[Niggos|"half-and-half"]] to refute accusations of [[Racism|racism.]]

Of course, by trying to pass a drawing off as a photograph, all Chris really proves is that he lacks the ability to [[Chris and reality|distinguish fantasy from reality]] ''(either that, or that he's an outright idiot.)'' He also accuses trolls of being immature, while showing off a Rule 34 drawing he did of his virtual harem from a video game. Real mature, Chris.

__TOC__

{{-}}

==Video==

'''Official description:''' Warning - Naughty Women. ;)

{{Infobox/video
| name = Warning - Naughty Women ;)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fo7hxPidfk8}}
| stardate = 10 [[October 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[9 October 2009]]
| next = [[Challenge for Clyde]]
}}

{{quote|Huh? Huh? Look at it! Look at it! I'm having sex with three women!}}

=== Transcript ===

Hmm, [[Captain's Log|Captain's Log]]. [[CWCki:DATING|The 10th of October 2009]].

Now. I would like to make it perfectly clear, but first I would like to state... THE update [''dramatic [[glasses]] removal''] that will be on the [[CWCipedia]] tomorrah-uh-duh-later tonight or tomorrow. A few more pages for the numb nine book. So, look forward to that [''short pause''] good viewers.

Now, for those who DARE continue to mislabel me as dang [[homos|''gaaaaay'']], homosexual, or bisexual, uggh... ''[shakes head]'' I'm straight. I. Am. Straight.

[''Chris approaches the [[camera]] by maneuvering around something off-screen, grabs the camera, and holds it close to his face'']

And I tell you what. If I was a s-homosexual or anything like that, would I not-would I be having sex...

[''angles camera down and shoves [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]] fully into the frame, with strips of paper taped over the genitals and nipples, [[Manboobs|including Chris's]]'']

..with THREE WOMEN? Huh? Huh? Look at it! Look at it! [[Chris and reality|I'm having sex with three women]], and you know what? The one in the middle is [[niggos|half-and-half!]]

[''Chris points camera back at his enraged face'']

I am STRAIGHT. Get through your damn dirty immature skulls!

[''sets camera back down with a forceful thud, meanders back to where he was originally standing by awkwardly stepping over the object from earlier, takes a moment to set himself'']

Thank you very much [''flashes victory sign with fingers''] and have a good day.

[''bends down to the controller to halt recording'']

==Remix==

{{DeadLinks}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZOpGtblij8Y }}
| stardate = 10 [[October 2009]]
| maker = AngusHiggens
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| type = Remix
}}
== See also ==
*[[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], about the drawing itself.
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris and reality]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[9 October 2009]]|nextlink=[[Challenge for Clyde]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-09]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2009-10-09]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-10-09]]

No More Jokes

2019-09-10T23:34:38Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation

{{DeadLinks}}
[[Image:Spiderman cash.jpg|thumb|right|An artist's interpretation of the epic love that can't be.]]

'''No More Jokes''' is a 5 [[November 2009]] video in which [[Chris]] not very dramatically reveals the true face of [[Clyde Cash]], just few days after telling us [[it will never end]]. Not surprisingly, this revelation has had absolutely no effect on Clyde, probably due to the fact that he (spoiler alert) uses the same old [[Gay]] Spider-Man photo used plenty of times before.

== Video (SFW Version) ==
{{quote|Die, Clyde, Die!}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = The Chronicles of Chris-chan: No More Heroes
| video = {{#ev:youtube|zWwiXwhPFxM}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[51 50]]
| next = [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|thumb|What a twist!]]

[''Shot of some sheets of paper covered in Chris's scrawled handwriting. The bottom of the computer monitor is also in the shot'']

I have run out of [[Twin Falling Towers|good humor]], so now it's time for the... uh, terrible!

[''Camera pans up to the computer screen, revealing an easily Googled shot of "Clyde" in a compromising position with a gay Spider-Man'']

There's the picture...

[''Chris holds the camera on the computer screen in silence for ten seconds'']

[[For Julie's Eyes Only|Ugh!]] [[Fapcup|Disgusting!]]

[''The video linked unintentionally adds a minute of silence to the original video after the final line is spoken.'']

==See also==
*[[Secret Weapon]]
*[[:Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|The image Chris believes to be Clyde]]

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs5SASoq_vg Response from Clyde]</s>
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?mjjndwg2tz2 NSFW video download]</s>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[11042009 51 50|51 50]]|nextlink=[[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-05]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-11-05]]
[[Category:Gay Spider-Man videos| 2009-11-05]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2009-11-05]]

Cakefarts

2019-09-10T23:33:22Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation and strikethrough dead link.

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Honest}}

{{quote|my biggest regret|Chris, on Cakefarts<ref>[[Internet Dream Lounge]]</ref>}}

{{quote|It's funny that I was eating chocolate cake when I saw the uncensored version.|mickeymigs321 on YouTube, detailing a very unfortunate experience.}}

'''Cakefarts''' (leaked as ''fyfdriryjehvsdthyjvdj.mp4 [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video made on 18 [[July 2011]] and leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris sits his naked ass on a [[Chris and money|$9]] [[Obesity|chocolate cake]] for [[Jackie]]'s amusement. While it can not be seen on the censored version, there is already a piece (a little less than a fourth) of the cake taken out, meaning that either Chris (or Barb) had eaten some of this cake before its untimely end. It was inspired by the Cakefarts shock site, and this video implies that he's turned on by it.

Because both links to the video are dead, this is one of Chris's rarest videos. [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] uploaded the video without visuals (for obvious reasons), and the NSFW version can now only be found on the website Motherless. And it's for a good reason, as it is now considered to be quite possibly one of the grossest things that Chris has ever produced, and definitely one of his most wasteful (given that he spent his [[monthly tugboat]] just to fart on chocolate cake).

The "ass dance" is a [[Things Chris has ripped off|reference]] to the [[Adult Swim]] anime ''Shin-Chan'', which involves the titular character [[CWCFlyingElephants|pulling down his pants, showing his ass, and dancing around]].

Years after the video was shot/leaked, Chris talked about the video on the [[Planet Dolan]] subreddit under the handle "SonichuChandler".

{{quotebox|
This happened to me less than a decade ago. I was being Trolled and CyberBullied, and during the time I was Online Dating (among which nearly ALL of my Online Dates were Immature, MALE, Internet Trolls pretending to be women). This Theoretical EX of mine requested that I record and perform, this thing called "Cake Farts", and say that it was "what I love the most". Ugh. So, I go to my local Wal-Mart, find and buy this lovely chocolate cake for $11; it also had chocolate candies on top of it. I take the cake home, I eat the candies, and I enjoyed a slice of the cake for myself. THEN, I hit record and sat bare-assed on the remaining 80% of the cake, on a plastic surface, and made fake fart noises with my mouth. Suffice to say the cake was now a smooshed mess, while I had the crumbs and whatnot on my behind. After cleaning the surface, and my behind, I took the smooshed up cake and disposed of it behind some bushes in my back yard. AND, obviously, I later learned that the "woman" who requested this deed was a Male Troll. That Cake Cost Me $11!!! UGH! What a majorly royal waste.

Illustrate Danger Dolan doing this, please.

Also, do one episode of "Burning Questions" where Dolan has Lost his hat, can't find until after the last question, and even has Melissa read for one of the questions, "MonkiesInTheZ00 asks, "Where's My Hat?"", then after Dolan shouts about the hat, and Melissa groans then reads the actual question.

"Dolan always "Blows Your Mind with "Treeth"". "He's going to Blow My Mind with a Tree? What's up with that?" LOL.}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Cakefarts (audio only)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xD_-udx58lo}}
| stardate = 18 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Blue tank top
| previous = [[Forgot the Glitter]]
| next = [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
}}

==Video==
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = NSFW! Chris Chan Cakefarts! (A slightly censored version) NSFW!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wYePBC0FlSA}}
| stardate = 18 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Blue tank top
| previous = [[Forgot the Glitter]]
| next = [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
}}

{{quote|What the hell am I doing?|Chris, saying exactly what his viewers are thinking.}}

=== Transcript ===
Heeey, Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.

[''The camera is then turned towards a backwards view of the table. Chris proceeds to finger the cake, followed by licking his digit'']

Mmm. Let's get this done.

[''Chris jumpily positions himself over the cake, as the viewers get a quite fine view of his [[duck]] and butt. He has the words [[Random-access humor|"AWESOME SAUCE"]] written in barely legible script on his ass. One of the S's is the wrong way around, and there is scribbled out attempt at writing the word awesome.'']

Awesome... Sauce... There it is: Sauce. [''begins twerking and flailing around like a retard in order to make his deformed dick jiggle''] Ass dance! Ass dance! See me do the ass dance! Do wacka do! [[Random-access humor|Shake my funky monkey ass,]] give me beans I'll give you gas!

Let's do this.

[''Sits down on cake, rises up, then performs the act for which the video is named, in turn getting an erection'']

What the hell am I doing? [''Finishes smearing ass with [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate cake]]; after more than a few uncomfortable seconds of seeing his butt and erect duck, he finally turns his face and body around to the camera''] What the hell am I doing? I paid nine American dollars for this cake. That's a lotta yen. [''To be precise, US$9 would be 915.28 yen.''] Kawaii! Bye, Japan.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan's Cakefarts Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IZ_p_gzmm0U}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2017]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| subject =
| type =
| info = The original version was too [[honest]] for this website...
}}

==External Links==
*[http://cdn4.videos.motherlessmedia.com/videos/9F6859A.mp4 Uncensored version] (NSFW)
*<s>[http://www.bestshockers.com/cake-farts/ The inspiration] (Also NSFW) Link Dead - Please Replace9</s>
*[https://www.reddit.com/user/SonichuChandler The Reddit account Chris used to talk about the incident]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Forgot the Glitter]]|nextlink=[[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity]]
[[Category:Videos About or Featuring Farts]]

Category:Videos containing nudity

2019-09-10T23:30:10Z

Meester Siemen: Removed "Rename" template as the page has since been renamed.

As if photographs weren't bad enough. Here's a list of videos where Chris shows us parts of him that he really shouldn't.

[[Category: N00dz]][[Category: Videos by content]]

Chris Sex Videos

2019-09-10T23:29:15Z

Meester Siemen: Updated nudity categorisation

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}

On 25 September [[2008]], [[Chris]] recorded himself making '''sex videos'''. They involved him [[Donald Duck impersonation| making disturbing animal impressions]], disrobing, and then finally [[mass debating]] and jizzing [[navy]] into a [[Fapcup|clear plastic cup]]. Chris was apparently chatting with then-future heartsweet [[PandaHalo]] while gratifying himself ''in his parents' kitchen''. These videos were recorded near the height of Chris's relationship with [[Blanca]], almost a month before she officially broke up with him and only four days before Chris sent her a [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|letter]] pledging his undying love.

The background for the videos is [[Chris's kitchen|the Chandler family kitchen]], which is piled high with junk. This is also where the family PC is located. The short video clips were taken with a webcam and are completely silent, adding to the overall sense of terror.

This is the same room where Chris was later [[Bob Walks In|caught]] mass debating.

==Chris Chan the Elephant==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Elephant
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Q-qFR5AyYMs}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Chan_Update_24_September_2008#Video|Chris Chan Update September 24, 2008]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Chicken|Chris Chan the Chicken]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris makes a terrifying, bug-eyed face at the computer screen and shakes his head. He then turns to the side, puts his curved hand up to his mouth, and bangs his head back and forth.

==Chris Chan the Chicken==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Chicken
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Yx3lGNvDZi0}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Elephant|Chris Chan the Elephant]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Monkey|Chris Chan the Monkey]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris stands, and repositions the webcam to better show off his body. He is smiling. He puts his arms near his nipples and begins flapping his arms, mimicking a bird. He opens his mouth in a pained, silent scream and rears his head back. He sits down at the computer and repositions the webcam once again, smug and contented.

==Chris Chan the Monkey==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Monkey
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v5f8QT24sKg}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_the_Chicken|Chris Chan the Chicken]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Licks_his_Elbow|Chris Chan Licks his Elbow]]
}}

===Transcript===

Chris raises his arms and scratches both sides of his skull while shaking his head back and forth and making silly expressions. He runs his hands down the sides of his face and then turns his attention back to the computer.

==Chris Chan Licks his Elbow==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Licks his Elbow
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-u6XaY5UfG8}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Monkey|Chris Chan the Monkey]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Undressing|Chris Chan Undressing]]
}}

===Transcript===

Chris raises his eyebrows and makes a silly, wide-eyed grimace. He uses his left hand to push his right arm behind his head and sticks his long tongue out in an attempt to lick his elbow. He tries for several seconds but fails by about two inches. He scratches the back of his neck, and then repeats the procedure with the left elbow, missing by an even wider margin.

==Chris Chan Undressing==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Undressing
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4AbZCCS5w28}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Licks_his_Elbow|Chris Chan Licks his Elbow]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan's_Autistic_Nips|Chris Chan's Autistic Nips]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris smiles a disturbing smile and types on the keyboard. He then suddenly pulls up his green polo shirt, revealing a separate, red T-shirt underneath — the sleeves of the red shirt are clearly visible — although the bottom of the red T-shirt stops just below his large, flabby breasts, forming a kind of improvised [[sports bra]]. The red shirt is apparently tight enough to function as a support garment, and may have belonged to Chris when he was a young child.

Chris unbuttons and struggles with his ill-fitting green polo shirt, grimacing with effort, eventually pulling it over his head. The red shirt comes off with it. Chris, shirtless and wearing the Sonichu medallion, repositions himself on the chair. He smiles a creepy, forced smile.

==Chris Chan's Autistic Nips==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan's Autistic Nips
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Y7npFBuOfjU}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Undressing|Chris Chan Undressing]]
| next = [[We're_Being_Watched#Video|We're Being Watched]]
}}

===Transcript===

Still topless, Chris crosses his hands in front of his bosom and uses his index fingers to encircle each of his nipples simultaneously. He wears the same creepy, contented smile.

==Long.mp4==
[[Image:CWCmassdebate.jpg|thumb|right|Chris jerks off in his own kitchen, making it even less sanitary than usual. Also: animal impersonations.]]
The webcam is positioned below Chris's testicles. They are shaved, as is his entire pubic area. Chris strokes his erect pickle with his left hand, and seems to use his middle and ring finger to do most of the work. His index finger appears to be pressing into his middle finger to provide extra force. This is oddly similar to how he holds a pencil.

Chris's [[manboobs]] jut out from his body alarmingly at this angle, like tiny mountains. Chris looks off camera, presumably at the computer monitor.

(This file is included in the .zip downloadable <s>[http://www.filedropper.com/jizz here]</s> ''Dead link. Please replace.'')

([https://archive.org/details/TwoDropboxChrisChanVideos/Long.mp4 Archive.org Version] - Not as long as the original video, missing content based on the screencaps.)

==Jizz.flv==
Chris strokes his erect duck with his right hand. His flabby torso and disproportionately large nipples are the only other things in the frame. His skin is an odd, inhuman tone, much like the inside of a [[McDonald's]] french fry viewed under fluorescent lighting. This is possibly due to a glow from a computer monitor, or some kind of unholy aura Chris emits while ejaculating.

A wild [[fapcup]] appears. Chris positions it below the head of his penis. Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] come into the frame. They are gray with filth, although no actual fecal matter is visible. Chris begins jizzing and catching his navy in the small cup, which appears to be slightly wider than the head of his penis. Chris lets go of his penis. His glans appears to be swollen to the size of a chicken egg, possibly due to the penile fracture that put a bend in his penis, or his retarded death-grip, or both. Either way, it is [[Giant Penis Comic|out of proportion]] to the shaft.

Chris appears to fumble with the cup off camera. His penis is in full view, limply resting against his briefs but still apparently engorged. An [[fanta|orange object]] flashes past, and he leaves the frame to do [[Recycling|who knows what]].

(This file is included in the .zip downloadable <s>[http://www.filedropper.com/jizz here]</s> ''Dead link. Please replace.'')

([http://www.mediafire.com/file/l0dwauk6z6ftzz5/J%2Azz.flv/file Mediafire link - Download Required])

== See also ==
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]]|nextlink=[[We're Being Watched]]|}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2008| 25]]
[[Category:PandaHalo Saga videos| 2008-09-25]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2008-09-25]]

Chris Sex Videos

2019-09-10T23:24:56Z

Meester Siemen: Updated link with working Mediafire version

April 16 Fetish Vids

2019-09-10T23:21:46Z

Meester Siemen: Removed "DeadLinks" template as all links to videos have been updated with working copies.

April 16 Fetish Vids

2019-09-10T23:19:59Z

Meester Siemen: Updated dead link with working Mediafire version

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of three videos and a handful of photos, showing Chris engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. Chris made all of them for [[Ivy]] except the shower dance, which was another audition tape for [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. This content was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==
In their conversations about love and life, Chris told [[Ivy]] that he [[recycling|recycled]] his semen to protect his fertility. He also claimed that his semen would taste ''exactly'' like what he had recently eaten. To test this hypothesis, Ivy requested a video. Naturally, Chris screws it up, drinking the Fanta only after the fact.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JDHuxcvJuEk}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[A CWC Audition]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[comeuppance|cum]] I just [[mass debating|masturborted]] out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]

Couldn't find any chocolate syrup, but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/CWC+-+Cum+Fanta.mp4/ Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Spank Dat Ass==
Chris is depicted spanking himself while kneeling on his filthy, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|yellow]]ed mattress. Ivy requested this video as punishment for his cheating on her with Vanessa, but she had not specified that he be nude.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Spank Dat Ass
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43rXOfbX0jo}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta: Semen Flavor]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#How NOT to Take a Shower|How NOT to Take a Shower]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh [[Ivy]], that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg|SMACK
Image:Spanking2.jpg|DAT
Image:Spanking3.jpg|ASS!!!!
</gallery></center>

* [http://www.mediafire.com/file/6gflv4rvk8t43pj/spanking_video.mp4/file/ Mediafire - Download Required.]

==How NOT to Take a Shower==
{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

Chris dances with an imaginary woman in his [[ShowerClean|beyond unclean shower stall]]. This audition video was commissioned by Vanessa. She thought he had star quality.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3_9ZdTNBKGA}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
| next = [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin condition is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he [[Pedofork|is holding the hands of a small child]]. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, but he has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitalia extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|DAT GROUT
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/Chris+in+the+Shower.mp4 Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Unfit for Collection==
This set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers ("nappies" in the British dialect), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]], was demanded by Ivy and her roommate as further punishment for his cheating. In Ivy's words, "During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to 'still look good for me'."

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg|You can actually see the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit stains]]...
Image:HelloSpas.jpg|A bout of [[random-access humor]].
Image:Ecp00065.jpg|Lick dat medallion!
Image:Ecp00066.jpg|Wink wink.
</gallery>
</center>

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-16]]

Chris Sex Videos

2019-09-10T23:08:27Z

Meester Siemen: Updated link with shorter Archive.org version

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}

On 25 September [[2008]], [[Chris]] recorded himself making '''sex videos'''. They involved him [[Donald Duck impersonation| making disturbing animal impressions]], disrobing, and then finally [[mass debating]] and jizzing [[navy]] into a [[Fapcup|clear plastic cup]]. Chris was apparently chatting with then-future heartsweet [[PandaHalo]] while gratifying himself ''in his parents' kitchen''. These videos were recorded near the height of Chris's relationship with [[Blanca]], almost a month before she officially broke up with him and only four days before Chris sent her a [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|letter]] pledging his undying love.

The background for the videos is [[Chris's kitchen|the Chandler family kitchen]], which is piled high with junk. This is also where the family PC is located. The short video clips were taken with a webcam and are completely silent, adding to the overall sense of terror.

This is the same room where Chris was later [[Bob Walks In|caught]] mass debating.

==Chris Chan the Elephant==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Elephant
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Q-qFR5AyYMs}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Chan_Update_24_September_2008#Video|Chris Chan Update September 24, 2008]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Chicken|Chris Chan the Chicken]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris makes a terrifying, bug-eyed face at the computer screen and shakes his head. He then turns to the side, puts his curved hand up to his mouth, and bangs his head back and forth.

==Chris Chan the Chicken==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Chicken
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Yx3lGNvDZi0}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Elephant|Chris Chan the Elephant]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Monkey|Chris Chan the Monkey]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris stands, and repositions the webcam to better show off his body. He is smiling. He puts his arms near his nipples and begins flapping his arms, mimicking a bird. He opens his mouth in a pained, silent scream and rears his head back. He sits down at the computer and repositions the webcam once again, smug and contented.

==Chris Chan the Monkey==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Monkey
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v5f8QT24sKg}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_the_Chicken|Chris Chan the Chicken]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Licks_his_Elbow|Chris Chan Licks his Elbow]]
}}

===Transcript===

Chris raises his arms and scratches both sides of his skull while shaking his head back and forth and making silly expressions. He runs his hands down the sides of his face and then turns his attention back to the computer.

==Chris Chan Licks his Elbow==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Licks his Elbow
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-u6XaY5UfG8}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Monkey|Chris Chan the Monkey]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Undressing|Chris Chan Undressing]]
}}

===Transcript===

Chris raises his eyebrows and makes a silly, wide-eyed grimace. He uses his left hand to push his right arm behind his head and sticks his long tongue out in an attempt to lick his elbow. He tries for several seconds but fails by about two inches. He scratches the back of his neck, and then repeats the procedure with the left elbow, missing by an even wider margin.

==Chris Chan Undressing==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Undressing
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4AbZCCS5w28}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Licks_his_Elbow|Chris Chan Licks his Elbow]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan's_Autistic_Nips|Chris Chan's Autistic Nips]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris smiles a disturbing smile and types on the keyboard. He then suddenly pulls up his green polo shirt, revealing a separate, red T-shirt underneath — the sleeves of the red shirt are clearly visible — although the bottom of the red T-shirt stops just below his large, flabby breasts, forming a kind of improvised [[sports bra]]. The red shirt is apparently tight enough to function as a support garment, and may have belonged to Chris when he was a young child.

Chris unbuttons and struggles with his ill-fitting green polo shirt, grimacing with effort, eventually pulling it over his head. The red shirt comes off with it. Chris, shirtless and wearing the Sonichu medallion, repositions himself on the chair. He smiles a creepy, forced smile.

==Chris Chan's Autistic Nips==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan's Autistic Nips
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Y7npFBuOfjU}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Undressing|Chris Chan Undressing]]
| next = [[We're_Being_Watched#Video|We're Being Watched]]
}}

===Transcript===

Still topless, Chris crosses his hands in front of his bosom and uses his index fingers to encircle each of his nipples simultaneously. He wears the same creepy, contented smile.

==Long.mp4==
[[Image:CWCmassdebate.jpg|thumb|right|Chris jerks off in his own kitchen, making it even less sanitary than usual. Also: animal impersonations.]]
The webcam is positioned below Chris's testicles. They are shaved, as is his entire pubic area. Chris strokes his erect pickle with his left hand, and seems to use his middle and ring finger to do most of the work. His index finger appears to be pressing into his middle finger to provide extra force. This is oddly similar to how he holds a pencil.

Chris's [[manboobs]] jut out from his body alarmingly at this angle, like tiny mountains. Chris looks off camera, presumably at the computer monitor.

(This file is included in the .zip downloadable <s>[http://www.filedropper.com/jizz here]</s> ''Dead link. Please replace.'')

([https://archive.org/details/TwoDropboxChrisChanVideos/Long.mp4 Archive.org Version] - Not as long as the original video, missing content based on the screencaps.)

==Jizz.flv==
Chris strokes his erect duck with his right hand. His flabby torso and disproportionately large nipples are the only other things in the frame. His skin is an odd, inhuman tone, much like the inside of a [[McDonald's]] french fry viewed under fluorescent lighting. This is possibly due to a glow from a computer monitor, or some kind of unholy aura Chris emits while ejaculating.

A wild [[fapcup]] appears. Chris positions it below the head of his penis. Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] come into the frame. They are gray with filth, although no actual fecal matter is visible. Chris begins jizzing and catching his navy in the small cup, which appears to be slightly wider than the head of his penis. Chris lets go of his penis. His glans appears to be swollen to the size of a chicken egg, possibly due to the penile fracture that put a bend in his penis, or his retarded death-grip, or both. Either way, it is [[Giant Penis Comic|out of proportion]] to the shaft.

Chris appears to fumble with the cup off camera. His penis is in full view, limply resting against his briefs but still apparently engorged. An [[fanta|orange object]] flashes past, and he leaves the frame to do [[Recycling|who knows what]].

(This file is included in the .zip downloadable <s>[http://www.filedropper.com/jizz here]</s> ''Dead link. Please replace.'')

== See also ==
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]]|nextlink=[[We're Being Watched]]|}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2008| 25]]
[[Category:PandaHalo Saga videos| 2008-09-25]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2008-09-25]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2019-09-10T23:04:33Z

Meester Siemen: Updated dead link with working "Archive.org" version

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of three videos and a handful of photos, showing Chris engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. Chris made all of them for [[Ivy]] except the shower dance, which was another audition tape for [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. This content was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==
In their conversations about love and life, Chris told [[Ivy]] that he [[recycling|recycled]] his semen to protect his fertility. He also claimed that his semen would taste ''exactly'' like what he had recently eaten. To test this hypothesis, Ivy requested a video. Naturally, Chris screws it up, drinking the Fanta only after the fact.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JDHuxcvJuEk}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[A CWC Audition]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[comeuppance|cum]] I just [[mass debating|masturborted]] out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]

Couldn't find any chocolate syrup, but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/CWC+-+Cum+Fanta.mp4/ Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Spank Dat Ass==
Chris is depicted spanking himself while kneeling on his filthy, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|yellow]]ed mattress. Ivy requested this video as punishment for his cheating on her with Vanessa, but she had not specified that he be nude.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Spank Dat Ass
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43rXOfbX0jo}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta: Semen Flavor]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#How NOT to Take a Shower|How NOT to Take a Shower]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh [[Ivy]], that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg|SMACK
Image:Spanking2.jpg|DAT
Image:Spanking3.jpg|ASS!!!!
</gallery></center>

* [http://www.slutload.com/video/chrischan-spank-dat-ass/r3Y3q0fIBkYv/ Can be viewed here.]

==How NOT to Take a Shower==
{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

Chris dances with an imaginary woman in his [[ShowerClean|beyond unclean shower stall]]. This audition video was commissioned by Vanessa. She thought he had star quality.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3_9ZdTNBKGA}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
| next = [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin condition is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he [[Pedofork|is holding the hands of a small child]]. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, but he has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitalia extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|DAT GROUT
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/Chris+in+the+Shower.mp4 Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Unfit for Collection==
This set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers ("nappies" in the British dialect), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]], was demanded by Ivy and her roommate as further punishment for his cheating. In Ivy's words, "During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to 'still look good for me'."

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg|You can actually see the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit stains]]...
Image:HelloSpas.jpg|A bout of [[random-access humor]].
Image:Ecp00065.jpg|Lick dat medallion!
Image:Ecp00066.jpg|Wink wink.
</gallery>
</center>

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-16]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2019-09-10T23:01:20Z

Meester Siemen: Updated dead link with working "Archive.org" version

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of three videos and a handful of photos, showing Chris engaged in different explicit and shocking practices. Chris made all of them for [[Ivy]] except the shower dance, which was another audition tape for [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. This content was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==
In their conversations about love and life, Chris told [[Ivy]] that he [[recycling|recycled]] his semen to protect his fertility. He also claimed that his semen would taste ''exactly'' like what he had recently eaten. To test this hypothesis, Ivy requested a video. Naturally, Chris screws it up, drinking the Fanta only after the fact.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JDHuxcvJuEk}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[A CWC Audition]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[comeuppance|cum]] I just [[mass debating|masturborted]] out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]

Couldn't find any chocolate syrup, but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

* [http://www.slutload.com/video/chrischan-cum-fanta/wMlgfbs9XSDP/ Can be viewed here]

==Spank Dat Ass==
Chris is depicted spanking himself while kneeling on his filthy, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|yellow]]ed mattress. Ivy requested this video as punishment for his cheating on her with Vanessa, but she had not specified that he be nude.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Spank Dat Ass
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43rXOfbX0jo}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta: Semen Flavor]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#How NOT to Take a Shower|How NOT to Take a Shower]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh [[Ivy]], that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg|SMACK
Image:Spanking2.jpg|DAT
Image:Spanking3.jpg|ASS!!!!
</gallery></center>

* [http://www.slutload.com/video/chrischan-spank-dat-ass/r3Y3q0fIBkYv/ Can be viewed here.]

==How NOT to Take a Shower==
{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

Chris dances with an imaginary woman in his [[ShowerClean|beyond unclean shower stall]]. This audition video was commissioned by Vanessa. She thought he had star quality.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3_9ZdTNBKGA}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
| next = [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin condition is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he [[Pedofork|is holding the hands of a small child]]. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, but he has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitalia extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|DAT GROUT
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/Chris+in+the+Shower.mp4 Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Unfit for Collection==
This set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers ("nappies" in the British dialect), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]], was demanded by Ivy and her roommate as further punishment for his cheating. In Ivy's words, "During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to 'still look good for me'."

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg|You can actually see the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit stains]]...
Image:HelloSpas.jpg|A bout of [[random-access humor]].
Image:Ecp00065.jpg|Lick dat medallion!
Image:Ecp00066.jpg|Wink wink.
</gallery>
</center>

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-04-16]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2019-09-10T22:57:05Z

Meester Siemen: Added deadlinks template

{{DeadLinks}}

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]," featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|t-uY2QpW51I}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm [[Financhu Crisis|locked in]] [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang-trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... [[Bob Walks In|It's goin' on in the kitchen]], but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Trollsta's Paradise
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-V81-XXCkOc}}
| stardate = 18 [[February 2019]]
| maker = Smoky Chris
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Link to Download==
*<s>[http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]</s> (404-Page, Link Dead, No Wayback Machine Archive Available)

==See also==
* [[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)]] - The first trailer for this film prominently uses the original version of this song, "Gangsta's Paradise".

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2019-09-10T22:55:10Z

Meester Siemen: Added strikethrough and update on link being dead/leading to 404-page.

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]," featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|t-uY2QpW51I}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm [[Financhu Crisis|locked in]] [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang-trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... [[Bob Walks In|It's goin' on in the kitchen]], but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Trollsta's Paradise
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-V81-XXCkOc}}
| stardate = 18 [[February 2019]]
| maker = Smoky Chris
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Link to Download==
*<s>[http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]</s> (404-Page, Link Dead, No Wayback Machine Archive Available)

==See also==
* [[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)]] - The first trailer for this film prominently uses the original version of this song, "Gangsta's Paradise".

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3

2019-09-10T22:49:40Z

Meester Siemen: Updated with Dead-Vid template

{{Deletedvideo}}

[[Jack Thaddeus]] called Chris for a third time on 31 [[December 2009]], commenting on, among other things; the government of [[CWCville]], Chris's sad status as a human being, and, of course, that the [[CWCipedia]] to feature [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|gay ads]]. At the end, Chris, [[Chris and anger|being the immature prick he is]], hangs up in the middle of his conversation with Jack. Less than a day later, Chris was editing the ads that met his high standards of approval, still considering himself the [[Chris and his Ego|"Captain of da CWCipedia vessel"]].

Also, from this call, it is revealed that Jack is a [[Chris and fashion|snappy dresser]] and a [[homo]].

==The Call==

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3
{{#ev:youtube|UnFIAXI8y9A}}
| Stardate = 31 [[December 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Jack Thaddeus]]
| Saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

==Transcript==

''(Phone Ringing)''

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jack:''' Hey Chris it's Jack.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Jack, I was expecting you.
 '''Jack:''' So I heard you have a problem with the ads.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yes, just the one with the Port-a-John.
 '''Jack:''' With the what?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, with the Port-a-John.
 '''Jack:''' Port-a...John? I don't... I'm not familiar with that one. Hold on, let me...
 '''Chris:''' Ou- outdoor toilet.
 '''Jack:''' Um, that's not a Port-a-John. That is supposed to be a closet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeh, I get that
 '''Jack:''' Chris do you even know what... That's not a Port-a-John, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' That's not... I would not exactly classify it a closet
 '''Jack:''' It's supposed to represent a closet. It's just a painting of a door.
 '''Chris:''' Yeh, I get it
 '''Jack:''' What's the problem here? It's tasteful, I don't see what the problem is, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well. Well. Okay, well, uhh. Just the picture or just the picture I'm okay with the picture just keep it within th- within the side area do not
 '''Jack:''' Chris, umm, I-I can't be havin' that. Chris I-I-I gotta put the ad there because right now your site isn't getting enough hits for me to, ya know, just have little ads. Because, you're not that productive right now. I mean, you...
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, but anyways, the introduction box is not a place for ads.
 '''Jack:''' Ehh, yes it is. I get to dictate where the ads go. You don't seem to understand how this works.
 '''Chris:''' Would you put the ad of a middle of a banner? In the middle of the website title banner.
 '''Jack:''' Yeh, some people do do that. It's called sponsorship.
 '''Chris:''' It's not, but—
 '''Jack:''' Chris, listen, this—Chris, this is how this works: I fronted the money to get this site started. I need to make this money back. It's called an investment. Do you know how this works?
 '''Chris:''' Yeh, I get it.
 '''Jack:''' No, you don't seem to get it, because you seem to be struggling with the fact that I have, in the contract that I have with the SysOp I control the ad space. I dictate what and where the ads go. And I reap the money that is generated by it. Unless you can give the SysOp $2000, you know, in Euro, I still have the ads. Do you have $2000?
 '''Chris:''' Even if I have $2000, going from America to Europe is not legal.
 '''Jack:''' Well it is for me, because I have dual citizenship.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I ha— I understand that. The SysOp has— had informed me of that.
 '''Jack:''' Yes, I see that you have been arguing with her and ya know, making quite a nuisance of yourself on the talk page. You, do you treat- do you treat many people that, ya know, that help and support you like this? Do you treat them regularly? Do you treat your church congregation like this?
 '''Chris:''' I do not regularly treat them like that.
 '''Jack:''' Regularly? You shouldn't ever treat them like this!

''(long pause)''

'''Chris:''' Anyway— But, no, anyways...
 '''Jack:''' Look, Chris, you...
 '''Chris:''' Introduction box is not a place for ads. Look, if you want, you can set up an ad box that goes underneath the introduction box where that goes underneath the introduction box where the ad would be of equivalent size.
 '''Jack:''' No, Chris. Chris, this is my ad space. Either I get the money, or I take all my money, and I sue the SysOp for not following the contract. Do you want to be responsible for me suing the SysOp? The SysOp is doing you a favor by... by hosting this. Ok?
 '''Chris:''' Yeh, and I'm trying to come up with a reasonable compromise that we can both agree on.
 '''Jack:''' It doesn't matter if you agree on it! Ok? Either you take this, or you don't have a site! You can go host your own. We, but, you know what, I have to tell you. Let's look at the track record between when you ran your own site and when we have been running sites for you. Okay, the SysOp has thwarted multiple, at least 4 hacking attempts, and there's almost around-the-clock surveillance of the site. Can you provide that for your own site? 'Cause if I remember correctly Clyde had very little trouble getting a hold of the sites.
 '''Chris:''' I will not disagree with you on that.
 '''Jack:''' Okay, so do you like the CWCipedia?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I like the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' Okay, then why is it that you seem to think that it's okay for you to act like it's your... your own, you made it and, ya know, everything on it belongs to you. What belongs to you on there is Sonichu and all affiliate...umm, and the franchise. That, I don't care about that, that's your thing. You can do whatever you want with that. But there's a section for me, that allows me to make money off of the ads, because I invested in this- I bought the server for this. SysOp. And from what I've been seeing, you've been treating her like your slave. Constantly complaining to her about every little thing that you see that you don't like. And then you've been going on YouTube and making rants about how much you hate the homos, which, ya know, I happen to be one, and I have many friends that are... those.
 '''Chris:''' And by the way
 '''Jack:''' Yes?
 '''Chris:''' And by the way, in the past, the way you treated me with the hacking attempts—
 '''Jack:''' I wasn't, I wasn't doing the hacking attempts. That was Clyde that was doing the hacking on your other sites. I just got into your PSN because I, personally, think, that, ya know, you're wasting your time with that silly contraption. But, ya know.
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, point is, between all of that, between the both of you on everything in all of that, you're not exactly giving your own homosexual male kind a good name, you're actually worsening it.
 '''Jack:''' You're not exactly giving the autistic kind a good name. Umm, you're basically, from what I can... If all autistics are like you, they sit around at home all day playing video games, and leeching off of uh, off of um, social security. When I know in actuality that there are many autistics that actually have jobs and, and help in the world. Like, there's um, [[wikipedia:Temple Grandin|one woman]] I know, who is, I know of, who is autistic, and she actually writes books about animal cruelty and equality, because she, kind of, her mind, in a way, thinks like a cow's. She's... Her simplicities allow her to think like a cow and so she sympathizes with how they are slaughtered. It's... it's something you... probably far beyond your grasp, but, she's very intelligent and she helped to, she helps to, uh, bring about, um, more humane practices within the meat industry.
 '''Chris:''' M'kay.
 '''Jack:''' And yet, here you are, sitting around, drawing your uh, comics, and, ya know, ranting about how much you hate the homos, who really haven't done anything to you. I mean, Clyde and I... The reason we did things to you isn't because you hate homos, it's just 'cause, ya know, you're a despicable person. But, I'm kind of done with that, and I decided that I'm going to help you. And this is how I'm helping you, by giving you your own site. But, but, with everything... There is no such thing as a free meal, Chris. You understand that? No such thing as a free lunch. I don't... And, and, you know, you might think that with your little soup hotels, but in the real world that's not how things work, which is interesting, because if you have so many, how is it that the city of CWCville seems like it has such a small population, but has such a high unemployment and homeless rate? At work, I don't-
 '''Chris:''' Actually, it's very populated, and a lot of people have jobs there, but unfortunately there are too many people that come into the town that don't have the jobs, or actually live in the town and don't have the jobs.
 '''Jack:''' Is CWCville even incorporated within the Commonwealth of Virginia?
 '''Chris:''' I believe it would be.
 '''Jack:''' Umm. Okay, because you basically run the whole city pretty chaotically, and y'know, it's not very stable in terms of the politics and economically stable either. Y'know, it seems like there is random destruction and, you know, a bunch of weird freaks running around, but, you know, and apparently the police are so inept that they require, you know, some sort of mutant hedgehog things to, y'know, clean up the mess, that from your little fights with, uhh..
 '''Chris:''' The police of CWCville have their own capabilities. They have their own weapons and tanks and everything, but they can only-
 '''Jack:''' Tanks? Why would the police need tanks? Why do police need tanks?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean the ''army''-
 '''Jack:''' Why's the army- Why is the army in CWC- Is CWCville under [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martial_law martial law?]
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm talking about a ''division''.
 '''Jack:''' A division of the army to protect... Chris, this is very bizarre, I'm just gonna say, I mean... It just seems like, you know, if you can't take care of a little dark magic, then, you know, something's wrong with your city, but, you know, I think I'm just- I don't really care for the comic, you already know that, and so-
 '''Chris:''' Well the police on their own cannot handle the dark magic, so therefore that's where we come in to handle that dark magic.
 '''Jack:''' So you basically give these um, hedgehog things extraordinary power within, so they can do whatever they want without warrants or you know, or being held responsible for what they do... Right?
 '''Chris:''' I grant them the immunity...
 '''Jack:''' Oh so they can basically just kill anybody and... You know... "Well, that's just that."
 '''Chris:''' No, no, they're not going to kill- they're not going to kill anybody, they know-
 '''Jack:''' It's called collateral damage, Chris. It happens. I mean... look at it in Iraq, you'd think that, you know, when there's collateral damage, somebody is always, you know, gonna be held responsible for it, and it doesn't matter if it was a mistake or on purpose, somebody is held responsible for it. You can't just- that's not how it works. That's basically what a warlord does, is they just say "Oh, do whatever you want"... You don't seem to have a grasp of how things in the world work, Chris, you have a very, you know, narrow view of the world. You know, that's one of the things I think that Clyde was trying to work on, was getting you to, you know, look outside your little box. You need to see the world, and you can't see the world from the PS3... I can assure you that. You may argue with me that you can y'know watch all the little videos and stuff that you want, but in reality that's not how it works. You can watch videos 'til you die, but you'll never actually experience the world.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I will not argue with you there.
 '''Jack:''' So, are you content with uh, our agreement that um, the ad stays where it is?
 '''Chris:''' I was hoping we could come to a compromise...
 '''Jack:''' *snigger* Chris, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' You could have an ad that is of the same size, which is underneath the introduction box.
 '''Jack:''' Underneath the introduction box... it IS underneath the introduction box- it says "Welcome to the CWCipedia, the Online Encyclopedia," that's the introduction, and then there's the ad!
 '''Chris:''' No, but, it's in the big white box, right next to the introduction image.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, right below that is a bunch of clutter crap! I don't want my ad being put down there just so it can be lost amongst that. I mean, jeez Chris, you know, the SysOp- the SysOp can only hold your hand for so much, you gotta, you gotta, you know, you gotta put in some work too. I mean, she's there to help you, but she's not your little... she's not your nanny that will take care of everything. Cause this just looks like a cluttered mess. Oh and, what's it say in it? "Jack Thaddeus, who is still being an annoying son of a," did that say bitch? Oh. Ok, yeah, yeah that's real nice, that's real nice insulting your benefactor. Chris? Chris! Chris! Hello? CHRIS! Chris, what are you doing? *sigh* Should we call him back? I don't know what happened. Emery?
 '''Female:''' He was still on! He was still connected!
 '''Jack:''' No he wasn't. He wasn't there.
 '''Female:''' Ok, well anyways, I'm calling him back.
 '''Jack:''' Alright. If- if he like, asks about the Emery thing, I'm just gonna say, oh that's Emery my cat. *phone rings* Emeril Lagasse. Oh boy. *Chris's voice mail* Seriously? I'm gonna leave a message.
 '''Automated Voice:''' Please begin recording at the tone.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, this is Jack, um, what happened there? Did uh, I lose connection, or did you um, y'know just stop wanting to listen to me? Cause uh, this isn't how we solve problems in the adult world, Chris. Just tellin' you. Alright, talk to you later I suppose. And Happy New Year. Bye.
 '''Jack:''' God damn it, Bobby. God damn it, BlueSpike.

-END OF RECORDING-

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBMW1FbnBrUnk0YnM/edit?usp=sharing MP3 of the phone call]

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]|nextlink=Current|}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category: Jack Thaddeus Phone Calls]]

User:Meester Siemen

2015-09-07T01:57:48Z

Meester Siemen:

The CWCville Shopping Center will rise again... a forewarning for the ages.

{{collapsible|TRUE and HONEST Labels|{{Atheist}}{{Hex-Box}}{{White}}{{Homo}}{{Eurofag}}{{LiquidChris}}{{Troper}}}}

List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases

2015-08-27T11:14:01Z

Meester Siemen: Update of dead link.

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Honest}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Chris]] has bought a number of [[sex toys]], [[chris and sex|porn]] DVDs, and other adult amusements from the Adam & Eve online store. Records of several purchases have been acquired by [[trolls]], and are summarized below.

This list is not comprehensive. (On occasion, Chris has mentioned owning other products from Adam & Eve that aren't listed in the available records of his purchases, particularly "educational" videos published under the company's Sinclair Institute brand.) However, it seems fairly representative of Chris's tastes in masturbation assistance. Notably, he paid full price for very few of the DVDs he's acquired — most of them were either gifts or sold at a steep discount. One of the only discs he looks to have specifically shopped for was a collection of vintage American smut cartoons.

==List of documented purchases==
{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Date Ordered
!align="left"|Description
!align="left"|Type
!align="right"|Price
|-
|16 September [[2006]]
|Booty Licious Love Doll<ref>[http://www.sensualadviser.com/-/info_sex_toy/noveltyid=RD171-00.html]</ref>
|Toy
|$22.95
|-
|16 September 2006
|Pearl Beaded Prolong Ring - White<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/cock-rings/sp-pearl-beaded-prolong-ring-8905.aspx]</ref>
|Toy
|$2.00
|-
|17 September 2006
|''[[Wikipedia:Nina Hartley|Nina Hartley]]'s Guide to Sex Toys''
|DVD
|$3.95
|-
|17 September 2006
|''Space Nuts''<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-dvds/spoofs/sp-space-nuts-dvd-7569.aspx]</ref>
|DVD
|$4.95
|-
|17 September 2006
|''rawhide 2-Disc Collector's Set''<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-dvds/features/sp-rawhide-disc-collectors-set-10061.aspx]</ref>
|DVD
|$0.99
|-
|17 September 2006
|[[Adam & Eve]] Starter Kit
|DVD/CD
|$3.95
|-
|10 March [[2007]]
|[[Officer Nasty|Officer Nasty Fantasy Doll]]
|Toy
|$24.95
|-
|10 March 2007
|''The Best of Amateur Angels''<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-dvds/amateur/sp-the-best-of-amateur-angels-dvd-10747.aspx]</ref><ref>[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0859743/]</ref>
|DVD/CD
|$5
|-
|7 July 2007
|Velvet Touch [[Mass debating|Masturbator]]<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/male-masturbators/sp-velvet-touch-masturbator-6588.aspx]</ref>
|Toy
|$24.95
|-
|7 July 2007
|Silicone Superstud Power Ring
|Toy
|Free
|-
|7 July 2007
|Titanium 5-Star Video Collection
|DVD
|Free
|-
|16 July 2007
|[[Officer Nasty|Officer Nasty Love Doll]]
|Toy
|$12.48
|-
|16 July 2007
|A&E Hot Action Lotion - Strawberry<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/sexy-extras/sex-lubes/flavored-sex-lubes/sp-hot-action-sex-lotion-1764.aspx]</ref>
|Toy
|$6.95
|-
|16 July 2007
|''Carmen & Friends''
|DVD
|Free
|-
|16 July 2007
|''The Perfect Secretary''<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-dvds/features/sp-the-perfect-secretary-dvd-8963.aspx]</ref>
|DVD
|Free
|-
|16 July 2007
|Wicked Hot Pics Photo CD
|DVD
|Free
|-
|20 August 2007
|[[Officer Nasty|Officer Nasty Love Doll]]
|Toy
|$15.96
|-
|20 August 2007
|''Mystery Feature''
|DVD/CD
|Free
|-
|20 August 2007
|''Redlight Girls''
|DVD
|Free
|-
|20 August 2007
|''Extreme Behavior 2''<ref>[http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=Extreme+Behavior+2/year=2003/extreme-behavior-2.htm]</ref>
|DVD
|Free
|-
|20 August 2007
|Signature Series 10: [[Wikipedia:Shayla LaVeaux|Shayla LaVeaux]]<ref>[http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=Signature+Series+10%3A+Shayla+LaVeaux/year=2004/signature-series-10%3a-shayla-laveaux.htm]</ref>
|DVD/CD
|$0.82
|-
|26 December 2007
|[[Kimmi|Kimme Anime Love Doll]]
|Toy
|$14.98
|-
|26 December 2007
|''Vintage XXX Cartoons''<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-dvds/animation/sp-vintage-xxx-cartoons-dvd-7227.aspx]</ref>
|DVD
|$14.98
|-
|26 December 2007
|''XXX Pleasure Seekers''
|DVD
|Free
|-
|26 December 2007
|''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazine, digital edition
|DVD/CD
|Free
|-
|3 January [[2008]]
|2008 Adam & Eve Calendar
|Other
|$5.95
|-
|3 January 2008
|Romance Roulette Card Game
|Other
|$7.48
|-
|3 January 2008
|[[Wikipedia:Carmen|''Carmen'']]
|Other
|$4.68
|-
|3 January 2008
|''XXX Pleasure Seekers''
|DVD
|Free
|-
|3 January 2008
|Anal Love Beads
|Toy
|Free
|-
|4 [[May 2010]]
|Yumi Asian [[Anime]] Doll
|Toy
|$13.98
|-
|4 May 2010
|Ringo's Cock Ring (x2)<ref>[http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/cock-rings/sp-ringos-cock-ring-13674.aspx]</ref>
|Toy
|$5.90
|-
|4 May 2010
|Pink Passion Masturbator
|Toy
|Free
|-
|4 May 2010
|''Sweet Young Things 3 on 1''<ref>[http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=sweet+young+things+3/year=2008/sweet-young-things-3.htm]</ref>
|DVD/CD
|Free
|}

The grand total price of these documented items is [[Chris and money|$197.85]].

==References==
<references/>

==Download==
* <s>http://www.mediafire.com/?mdymmjmttny</s> (Dead Link - 27th August 2015)

==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Sex toys]]

==External link==
*[http://www.adameve.com/ Adam & Eve website]

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Lists]]

A CWC Audition

2015-08-27T11:07:28Z

Meester Siemen: /* Fan videos */ Added deleted video template for one deleted video.

"'''A CWC Audition'''" is a video by [[Chris]], published by [[Clyde Cash]] on 16 [[April 2009]]. It shows him doing an audition for a film in which he believes he will be starring, thanks to trolls posing as [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = A CWC Audition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZdEBsGvG1Zk}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}, {{Rage|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Bunny Hop]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids]]
}}

{{quote|No acting is required, because I mean this so much from my heart. }}

=== Transcript ===

[''Drops controller''] Oh yes, ok....To, eh, for Vanessa Hudgens' eyes only, this is an audition of, uh, some romance and [[Chris and anger|anger]], and a lil' bit of a singalong.

[''Starts singing'']

Ooooh, it's a jolly holiday with [[Ivy]], Ivy makes your heart so light.

[''Reaches down to pick up a sheet of paper'']

When the sky's gray and ordinary, Ivy makes the sun shine.

[''Jumpcut'']

Ooooh, happiness is squirreling all around her, a daffodil is smiling at the dawn.

When Ivy holds my hand, I feel so grand, my heart starts beating like a big brass band.

[''Grabs his shirt and starts pulling it back and forth to imitate a heartbeat, whilst making onomatopoeic heartbeat noises in unison'']

It's a jolly holiday with Ivy, the wonder that is Ivy that I love.

[''Finishes singing. Reaches down to grab another piece of paper with a drawing of Ivy on it'']

Mmmmh, my sweetest Ivy, I like a ode to you from my heart.

"You are the sweetest Ivy, with you for you, covered the arboretum with such tender and such grace. You're surrounded by glorious fourly-clovered and shamrocks and strawberries, and all sorts of variety of delicious fruits amongst your vines. And yet the garden that you, that, that lies within the arboretum is majestic under the sunlight, but it's even more beautiful, is you, cause you are my sweetest Ivy. I love you. I love you Ivy. I'll never give you up because you mean so much to me. I love you Ivy."

[''Hugs and kisses an Ivy drawing while moaning'']

I say good morning to you every day, and I say good night to you every night, and I love talking to you about your day and mine. And about yourself and I tell you about myself so much, we can find in each other so well.

You mean so much to me Ivy, cause you have performed a mirac-, you have performed a miracle that only my s-, truliest [[sweetheart]] could ever perform. You've fixed my [[biological clock|biological clawck]].

[''High Pitched Baby Voice''] I bee sleepeee!, during the 9:00 hour, or 10:00...[''fake yawning''] mhhh, and I get up fresh as a daisy during the 6:30 am in the morning.

I love you Ivy. I'd fight for you, I'd fight for you if need be. [''Clenches fist and tone of voice changes''] Scoundrelous [[Clyde Cash]], you dare try to get in the mid of my path, of my path, in my internet life, even in my real life, you will NEVER steal Ivy away from me, cause not only will I protect her, but God n' Jesus will too.

[''Chris starts fighting against imaginary Clyde Cash'']

GET BEHIND ME, IVY! I'll protect you from that murderous scoundrel!

Clyde Cash....

[''Draws an imaginary sword from a sheathe, in a dramatic stylized manner, similar to what you would see in an anime]'']

SHWOON!

Take this!

[''Swings imaginary sword while making silly onomatopoeic noises'']

Pfff! Pingg! Pishh!

[''Loses pretend sword and falls back to fists'']

Come on, you want some of this?! you want some of this, Clyde?!

[''Lands a devastating right hook on imaginary Clyde'']

Poomf!

[''Tired out by that last punch, Chris throws a slightly half-assed left hook, and then an even more half-assed uppercut'']

Poong! Poof!

Come on Clyde.

[''Performs a fatigued, poorly-balanced roundhouse kick, and nearly falls over before ungracefully spinning a full 360 degrees'']

Kiah!

[''Whilst dizzily attempting to rebalance from the last kick, Chris cheap-shots imaginary Clyde with another kick'']

Pwoon!

[''Pauses and lets his guard down to regain his balance. In a real fight, Chris would have had his ass kicked by this point'']

Come on, come on Clyde!

[''Mimes being punched in the face by Clyde. Recovers completely unfazed.'']

Pingg! Pishh! Oh, is that all you've got?! IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?!'''

[''Chris throws several meek, fatigued punches, then suddenly regains enough energy to bend his back forward and perform a very retarded looking chain-punch attack, in which his fists seem to barely travel a few inches with each strike'']

HNGHNGHNGHNGHNG!!

[''Finishes off the chain-punch with an uppercut'']

BOOM!!

[''Imaginary victory for Chris'']

You murderous Clyde Cash, I swear I will protect Ivy with MY LIFE, 'cause she means the world to me, and [[GodJesus|God n' Jesus]] knows it. No acting is required because, I mean this so much from my heart.

Fairest, Ivy, sweetest Ivy, stay by my side. I will love you and you will ALWAYS love me, for we have declared our love for each other so, much, so often, and I'll make sure to tell you I love you every day, and I will kiss you passionately, kiss you from, I'll kiss you from my heart. Every time my kisses come t-, go to you, they'll be from my heart.

I love you Ivy, I always will.

[''Imaginary make-out, interrupted by imaginary Clyde Cash'']

Clyde...leave us alone....LEAVE US ALONE YOU [[Death threats|MURDEROUS FIEND]]!

[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|'''SHIN-YE-HAME-HAAA!!!!!''']]

Stay down....Stay down, and rot for the rest of your life. For you are destined for an underworld, for an underworld fate, for you have tortured not only my soul, but so many other souls, which upon, they're also known as the internet bullies and [[trolls]]. Begone, fiend!

Are you OK, Ivy? Good....Let's us depart to go home, where we'll make sweet passionate love, because we sure love each other, and our love is based so much on that, based so much on that. I love you Ivy, let's go.

Didn't have to remember this from my head? I came, made up as I went.

There you go that's my, that's basically good enough audition I hope, soo...thank you, I'll see you soon Vanessa.

Peace and love.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan defeats the internet bullies once and for all!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mWa9Yw3T0HU}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2009]]
| maker = Kitchinsink3
| subject = | type = Video game remix
}}

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dragon Ball Chris Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TJtmz5sGkv0}}
| stardate = 28 [[April 2009]]
| maker = RandomVideoDump
| subject = | type = Music video
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Punch Out
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8dgAbYT5nFE}}
| stardate = 21 [[May 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/cwcfanb0y2 cwcfanb0y2]
| subject = | type = Video game remix
}}

==See also==
*[[Challenge for Clyde]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Bunny Hop]]|nextlink=[[April 16 Fetish Vids]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:CWC Audition}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Vanessa Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]

Pre-1980

2015-08-27T10:24:54Z

Meester Siemen: Strike-through formatting for dead link

{{DeadLinks}}
This page covers events in the [[CWCki:CWChronology|CWChronology]] occurring '''before 1980'''.

==Timeline==
===Pre-1900===
*'''c. 1499/1500 – 19 July 1543''' - The life of [[Wikipedia:Mary Boleyn|Mary Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>
*'''c. 1501/07 – 19 May 1536''' - The life of [[Anne Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.
*'''1 March 1577 – 13 March 1634/35''' - life of [[Wikipedia:Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland|Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland]], Chris's alleged ancestor.<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>
*'''1620''' - The ''Mayflower'' sails, allegedly with [[Daniel Weston]] aboard.
*'''1723''' - Foundation of [[Ruckersville]].
*'''1762''' - Foundation of [[Charlottesville]].
*'''1776''' - [[United States of America|Independence]].
*'''3 October 1896''' - Joseph Otto Weston, Barbara's father, is born.

===1900s===
*'''1906''' - Birth of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr., Bob's father.
*'''1906''' - Birth of Jean Holloman, Bob's mother.

===1910s===
*'''15 December 1911''' - Barbara's mother, Carrie Edna Wynn, is born.
*'''18 July 1913''' - Birth of [[Red Skelton]].

===1920s===
*'''1926''' - Barbara's parents, Joseph Otto Weston and Carrie Edna Wynn, marry.
*'''4 September 1927''' - Birth of [[Bob Chandler]].

===1930s===
*'''1935''' - Bob begins collecting stamps.
*'''26 January 1936''' - Birth of [[Aunt Corrina]].

===1940s===
*'''1 October 1941''' - Birth of [[Barbara Chandler]].
*'''28 October 1942''' - Birth of Thomas Eugene Ashby, husband of Barbara's sister, Harriett Ashby.
*'''Spring 1945''' - Bob graduates from Sylacauga High School in Sylacauga, AL.
*'''10 May 1945''' - Death of Jean Holloman, Bob's mother.
*'''Fall 1945 - Spring 1946''' - Bob attends his freshman year at Auburn University according to the Auburn University 1946 yearbook. He majors in Aeronautical Engineering.
*'''6 July 1946''' - Birth of [[George W. Bush]].
*'''18 July 1946''' - Bob is drafted into the U.S. Army and is stationed in [[:File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|Korea]] with the [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps]].<ref><s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeWYHFIKXJY</s> (Dead link)</ref><ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>
*'''1947 January 9''' - Harriett Ashby, Barb's sister, is born.
*'''April 1948''' - Bob is discharged from the Army after a 21-month tour of duty.
*'''Fall 1948''' - Bob enters Jacksonville State Teachers College in Jacksonville, Alabama in order to study Pre-Engineering.
*'''1949''' - The [[Lego]] Group first begins manufacturing its titular brand of building blocks.

===1950s===
*'''Around this time''' - Barbara loses her [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]].<ref name="FacebookVirginity">According to a [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] from 30 [[January 2012]], in which Chris says that Barbara lost her virginity in high school while Bob lost his virginity at age 27.</ref>
*'''Fall 1950''' - Bob returns to Auburn University in order to study Electrical Engineering
*'''Spring 1952''' - Bob graduates from Auburn University with a degree in Electrical Engineering.
*'''1954'''/'''1955''' - Bob loses his virginity.<ref name="FacebookVirginity" />
*'''8 April 1955''' - Barb's father, Joseph Otto Weston, is killed while hauling wood along a rural road near Red Oak, Virginia. He fell off his horse drawn wagon, was run over by one of its rear wheels and died of a broken neck. His body was discovered after his horse and wagon arrived without their driver at a service station.
*'''1956''' - Birth of [[Michael Snyder]].<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic]</s> (Dead Link - 27 August 2015)</ref>
*'''1957''' - Birth of [[Matthew Devoria]], father of [[Kacey]].<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>
*'''20 July 1958''' - Birth of [[BILLY MAYS]].

===1960s===
*'''1960''' - Barb graduates from Randolph-Henry High School.
*'''1961''' - Ran Coleman Yeatts, Cole's biological father, graduates from Wake Forest University.
*'''16 June 1961''' - Barbara marries Ran Coleman Yeatts.
*'''4 August 1961''' - Birth of [[Barack Obama]].
*'''28 November 1962''' - Birth of [[David Chandler]].<ref>[[:File:457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG]]</ref>
*'''24 July 1963''' - Birth of [[Cole Smithey]].
*'''1964''' - Jack Dale Smithey, the man who Barbara said was Cole's father, disappears after living in Richmond for at least a year.
*'''29 May 1964''' - Harriett Weston marries Thomas Eugene Ashby.
*'''27 August 1964''' - Walt Disney Pictures releases ''[[Mary Poppins]]''.
*'''1 December 1966''' - Bob files a patent for a vehicle logging system.
*'''23 August 1967''' - Carrie Edna Wynn, Barbara's mother, dies.
*'''7 July 1969''' - Birth of [[Carol Chandler]].
*'''23 December 1969''' - Bob's patent for a vehicle logging system is published.

===1970s===
*'''26 December 1973''' - Bob files a patent for a "Shot volume and cushion point control for injection molding apparatus".
*'''17 June 1975''' - Bob's patent for a "Shot volume and cushion point control for injection molding apparatus" is published.
*'''4 July 1976''' - Birth of [[Clyde Cash]].
*'''1977''' - [[14 Branchland Court]] is built.
*'''27 December 1977''' - Death of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr., Bob's father.
*'''1979''' - Bob and Barbara meet.<ref>[[Mumble 5]]</ref>
*'''14 December 1979''' - Birth of [[Joseph Herring]].

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Pre-1980

2015-08-27T10:23:19Z

Meester Siemen: Update of dead link.

{{DeadLinks}}
This page covers events in the [[CWCki:CWChronology|CWChronology]] occurring '''before 1980'''.

==Timeline==
===Pre-1900===
*'''c. 1499/1500 – 19 July 1543''' - The life of [[Wikipedia:Mary Boleyn|Mary Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>
*'''c. 1501/07 – 19 May 1536''' - The life of [[Anne Boleyn]], Chris's alleged ancestor.
*'''1 March 1577 – 13 March 1634/35''' - life of [[Wikipedia:Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland|Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland]], Chris's alleged ancestor.<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>
*'''1620''' - The ''Mayflower'' sails, allegedly with [[Daniel Weston]] aboard.
*'''1723''' - Foundation of [[Ruckersville]].
*'''1762''' - Foundation of [[Charlottesville]].
*'''1776''' - [[United States of America|Independence]].
*'''3 October 1896''' - Joseph Otto Weston, Barbara's father, is born.

===1900s===
*'''1906''' - Birth of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr., Bob's father.
*'''1906''' - Birth of Jean Holloman, Bob's mother.

===1910s===
*'''15 December 1911''' - Barbara's mother, Carrie Edna Wynn, is born.
*'''18 July 1913''' - Birth of [[Red Skelton]].

===1920s===
*'''1926''' - Barbara's parents, Joseph Otto Weston and Carrie Edna Wynn, marry.
*'''4 September 1927''' - Birth of [[Bob Chandler]].

===1930s===
*'''1935''' - Bob begins collecting stamps.
*'''26 January 1936''' - Birth of [[Aunt Corrina]].

===1940s===
*'''1 October 1941''' - Birth of [[Barbara Chandler]].
*'''28 October 1942''' - Birth of Thomas Eugene Ashby, husband of Barbara's sister, Harriett Ashby.
*'''Spring 1945''' - Bob graduates from Sylacauga High School in Sylacauga, AL.
*'''10 May 1945''' - Death of Jean Holloman, Bob's mother.
*'''Fall 1945 - Spring 1946''' - Bob attends his freshman year at Auburn University according to the Auburn University 1946 yearbook. He majors in Aeronautical Engineering.
*'''6 July 1946''' - Birth of [[George W. Bush]].
*'''18 July 1946''' - Bob is drafted into the U.S. Army and is stationed in [[:File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|Korea]] with the [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps]].<ref><s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeWYHFIKXJY</s> (Dead link)</ref><ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>
*'''1947 January 9''' - Harriett Ashby, Barb's sister, is born.
*'''April 1948''' - Bob is discharged from the Army after a 21-month tour of duty.
*'''Fall 1948''' - Bob enters Jacksonville State Teachers College in Jacksonville, Alabama in order to study Pre-Engineering.
*'''1949''' - The [[Lego]] Group first begins manufacturing its titular brand of building blocks.

===1950s===
*'''Around this time''' - Barbara loses her [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]].<ref name="FacebookVirginity">According to a [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] from 30 [[January 2012]], in which Chris says that Barbara lost her virginity in high school while Bob lost his virginity at age 27.</ref>
*'''Fall 1950''' - Bob returns to Auburn University in order to study Electrical Engineering
*'''Spring 1952''' - Bob graduates from Auburn University with a degree in Electrical Engineering.
*'''1954'''/'''1955''' - Bob loses his virginity.<ref name="FacebookVirginity" />
*'''8 April 1955''' - Barb's father, Joseph Otto Weston, is killed while hauling wood along a rural road near Red Oak, Virginia. He fell off his horse drawn wagon, was run over by one of its rear wheels and died of a broken neck. His body was discovered after his horse and wagon arrived without their driver at a service station.
*'''1956''' - Birth of [[Michael Snyder]].<s><ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic] (Dead Link - 27 August 2015) </ref></s>
*'''1957''' - Birth of [[Matthew Devoria]], father of [[Kacey]].<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>
*'''20 July 1958''' - Birth of [[BILLY MAYS]].

===1960s===
*'''1960''' - Barb graduates from Randolph-Henry High School.
*'''1961''' - Ran Coleman Yeatts, Cole's biological father, graduates from Wake Forest University.
*'''16 June 1961''' - Barbara marries Ran Coleman Yeatts.
*'''4 August 1961''' - Birth of [[Barack Obama]].
*'''28 November 1962''' - Birth of [[David Chandler]].<ref>[[:File:457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG]]</ref>
*'''24 July 1963''' - Birth of [[Cole Smithey]].
*'''1964''' - Jack Dale Smithey, the man who Barbara said was Cole's father, disappears after living in Richmond for at least a year.
*'''29 May 1964''' - Harriett Weston marries Thomas Eugene Ashby.
*'''27 August 1964''' - Walt Disney Pictures releases ''[[Mary Poppins]]''.
*'''1 December 1966''' - Bob files a patent for a vehicle logging system.
*'''23 August 1967''' - Carrie Edna Wynn, Barbara's mother, dies.
*'''7 July 1969''' - Birth of [[Carol Chandler]].
*'''23 December 1969''' - Bob's patent for a vehicle logging system is published.

===1970s===
*'''26 December 1973''' - Bob files a patent for a "Shot volume and cushion point control for injection molding apparatus".
*'''17 June 1975''' - Bob's patent for a "Shot volume and cushion point control for injection molding apparatus" is published.
*'''4 July 1976''' - Birth of [[Clyde Cash]].
*'''1977''' - [[14 Branchland Court]] is built.
*'''27 December 1977''' - Death of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr., Bob's father.
*'''1979''' - Bob and Barbara meet.<ref>[[Mumble 5]]</ref>
*'''14 December 1979''' - Birth of [[Joseph Herring]].

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Card games

2015-08-27T10:15:21Z

Meester Siemen: Added "Sonichu Games" template for navigation purposes

__NOEDITSECTION__
{{taxpayermoney}}

Throughout his life, [[Chris]] has wasted shitloads of [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] on '''Trading Card Games''' (TCG). To date, Chris plays five different ones: ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''UFS'' (''Ultimate Fighting System''), ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' TCG, and most recently, ''[[The Eye of Judgment]]''.

==List of TCGs Chris has played==
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|If only life were more like ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''…]]
[[Image:CWCEOJ.jpg|thumb|Chris in ''[[The Eye of Judgment]]''.]]

===Pokémon TCG===
{{main|Pokémon}}
The '''Pokémon TCG''' was first introduced in Japan in October [[1996]], then North America in December [[1998]]. It was initially published by Wizards of the Coast. Chris started getting into the Pokémon TCG in [[1999]], and made his own deck and custom Pokémon Cards. He also [[Inventions|invented]] a special "heavy-duty case" made from [[Lego]] bricks and held together with tape, to carry his card decks.

In [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], Chris ran an ad proposing a Pokémon TCG expansion titled ''EX-CWC''. This ad firmly establishes Christian's custom trading cards as part of the Sonichu franchise. Also, it reaffirms Chris's [[Chris and his ego|rampant narcissism]], as he names the proposed expansion after himself (just like he names everything) instead of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] characters that would occupy the expansion.

===Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG===
{{main|Yu-Gi-Oh!}}
The '''Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG''' came out worldwide in [[2002]], and was developed and published by Konami. The earliest sources we have of Chris playing the game are from [[2004]], when he started making a bunch of custom cards. Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] during a ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' match in the summer of [[2005]].

===Sailor Moon TCG===
{{main|Sailor Moon}}
The '''Sailor Moon TCG''' was released in [[2000]] by Dart Flipcards Inc. We know Chris got into this game through Megan, who was a big fan of it, but he has never referenced to it very much outside of the emails. During the [[Julie|Julie Saga]], Chris had a bunch of ''Sailor Moon'' cards up on his website.

===The Eye of Judgment TCG===
{{main|The Eye of Judgment}}
'''The Eye of Judgment''' is a TCG/videogame hybrid released in [[2007]] by [[Sony]]. Chris got into this game quite heavily, because it could be played online, and [[autism|no social interaction]] was needed. This game came into quite a few videos, and Chris probably [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apologized]] to [[the GAMe PLACe]] because of it.

===UFS (Ultimate Fighting System) TCG===
'''Universal Fighting System TCG''' is a collectible card game originally designed by Sabertooth Games, it was first released in [[2006]], and involves popular fighting video game characters. According to [[Mimms]], Chris usually played with female characters, like Cassandra from ''[[Soul Calibur]]'' or [[CWC Fighter|Chun-Li]] from ''Street Fighter''.
{{clear}}

==List of places where Chris has played TCGs==
[[Image:Sonichupunch.jpg|thumb|Chris, holding it out like he's supposed to at [[The GAMe PLACe]].]]

===Books-A-Million===
Chris claims to have volunteered as an assistant Gym Leader at the Pokémon League at the Midlothian [[VA]] '''Books-A-Million''' between March [[1998]] and June [[2000]].<ref name="Resume">[[Chris's resume#Experience]]</ref> This is impossible, as the Pokémon trading card game wasn't released in North America until December 1998, and its official league wasn't founded until the following year. It is also unsure as to what extent Chris was actually "assistant Gym Leader," and whether or not he was just mucking about and behaving like a toddler. Chris would have stopped going here after his family moved 77 miles (125 km) back to [[Ruckersville]] in the summer of 2000.

In the May 2010 video [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|I Pimp My Ride]], as well as a number of other videos from 2010, Chris is seen wearing a shirt that reads "Pokémon League Books-A-Million Trainer", suggesting that at one point Chris did have some sort of staffing role in the store's organized Pokémon games. More important, it shows that Chris has hung on to this cheap memento of the experience for more than a decade, despite the fact that it is now far too small to wear and highlights his [[obesity]] to a disturbing degree.

===Toys "Я" Us===
Chris says he volunteered as assistant Gym Leader at the Pokémon League at the [[Charlottesville]] '''Toys "Я" Us''' between June [[2000]] and June [[2002]],<ref name="Resume" /> after his move back to Ruckersville. Again, we don't really know if he actually had duties, or if he was just joining in with the children.

According to first-hand reports of his games at Toys "Я" Us, Chris used the fake cards he made in battles. Some of these cards are extremely broken or cheap. Chris was reportedly kicked out of the store for insisting that he be allowed to use them, even though they would be outright unfair to whoever played against him. The look upon a child's face as Chris lays down a [[Virgin with rage]] card would have been priceless.

===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}
Chris claims to have volunteered as assistant Gym Leader at the Pokémon League at the Rochelle VA '''GAMe PLACe'''.<ref name="Resume" /> He started to go there in June [[2002]], and regularly visited until he was permanently banned by [[Michael Snyder]] in August [[2008]]. [[Lucas]] has stated that he actually sometimes did work there as a Gym Leader, although this was only very occasionally, when there were no better people around to do the job.

== Custom cards ==
[[Image:338-Flashbulb.jpg|thumb|It may look cool, but it's useless against [[Snorlax]]]]

{{main|The Wall of Originals}}
In addition to making custom trading cards (most notably ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' trading cards), Chris has produced tons of custom cards for most of the TCGs he as played. He proudly displays the Pokémon cards in [[The Wall of Originals]] (well, he'll likely proudly display them to anyone whom he manages to trap in the room, anyway), and put many (but not all) of the custom cards in the [[DVD]] slideshow. Most recently, he has made ''Eye of Judgment'' cards, as shown in his [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out For a Hero]] video.

It is worthy of note that most (if not all) of Chris' custom Yu-Gi-Oh! cards are incredibly overpowered or amazingly weak and would never be accepted in a duel. This shows that Chris either knows too little about games he spent many hours playing or has an [[Chris and his Ego|Ego]] bloated enough to think that cards based off himself and his life should be ahead in power over "lesser" cards.

In the [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Initial post|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]], Mimms said that while Chris still kept his custom cards with the rest of his card collection and showed them off to other players at the GAMe PLACe, he had given up on trying to use them in competitive games.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[Video games]]

{{Sonichu Games}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!

2015-08-27T10:07:19Z

Meester Siemen: /* Fan videos */ Added deleted video template for one deleted video.

'''"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!''' is a video released on 14 March 2010, in which Chris pleads to a [[gal-pal]] going by the pen name of [[The Wallflower|Damian Antaria]] to not get a new [[jerk|boyfriend]] and take him instead, because his life is unhappy. After poorly singing a shortened version of his song [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend"]], he then asks Damian to "give him a break", and talks about his miserable life, and how without a girlfriend, he would need to go back to his [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_February_11.2C_2010|plan]] to [[Chris_and_sex#Prostitution|pay $100 for a hooker]].

Uncharacteristically, Chris recorded and uploaded this video in the mid-afternoon. Thanks to his [[biological clock|peculiar day-night cycle]], he usually delivers his [[YouTube]] rants late at night or in the very early morning. The "boyfriend" Chris mentions eventually turned out to be an attempt by the Wallflower to get Chris off her back.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU<nowiki>!!!</nowiki>
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8axUqa5XUFA}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{DangerStripeShirt|text}}, {{PokemonLeague|text}}
| previous = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
| next = [[Happy Sonichu Day]]
}}

{{quote|You aren't even ready for a boyfriend! You told me so yourself, multiple times!}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris opens the video with a heavy [[sigh]] and removes his [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]]. His expression is troubled and grim.'']

This message goes out to Damian Antaria, her pen name. Not revealing her real name, all things considered. You know something? You don't, you don't need that new boyfriend, [[Chris and his ego|because... I need you]]. We were very compatible, we had so much in common! I don't see why you had to go and do that I mean, you aren't even [[Boyfriend-free girl|ready for a boyfriend]]! You told me so yourself, multiple times! I respected that for a little while. [''sigh''] But, you know what? This puts to mind a little something...

[''He bends down to pick something up off the floor, a remote control, and queues up the old [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video on his TV.'']

...I have put together before.

[''He begins singing.'']

Hey hey, you you 
I don't like your boyfriend 
No way, no way 
I think you need a new one

Hey hey, you you 
I could be your boyfriend 
da na da, da na da 
da da da, da da da

[''He begins waving his hands around spastically, which continues through his performance.'']

In a second you'll be [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|wrapped around my finger]] 
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better 
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? 
He's so trollin' stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?

That old sumbah try to take you out of my life 
But you know I could do it better 
[[Liquid Chris|He's an impostor]], he's a poser 
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle suit]]?

[''The singing mercifully ends.'']

C'mon. Damian. Damian Antaria. Give me a break! You know my, I don't want to be back in a situation where I'm, [[Virgin with rage|that desperate I got...]]

[''He holds up the [[Claw of Fail|claw]].'']

Go as far as to pay a [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|hundred dollars for a damn hooker]]. Give me a breaaak!! I'm a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin! I'm in a [[CWCville|hell of my own]]! [''sigh''] C'mon, please? Pleeeeaaaase? I've been so very worried about you, I've had [[Obesity|heartaches]] since last Wednesday. I've had [[Biological Clock|sleepless nights]]! It really hurts!

[''He clutches at his chest.'']

Heartaches hurt. Think about that.

[''He turns off the camera.'']

==Fan videos==

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan's American Idol Audition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|j2RcFduM84I}}
| maker = TheTubbyWhiteGuy
| stardate = 30 [[May 2010]]
| type =
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]|nextlink=[[Happy Sonichu Day]]|}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-14]]
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-14]]

Medallions

2015-08-26T16:51:58Z

Meester Siemen: Adjusted some formatting and reworded some sections to make them easier to read.

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Ongoing}}
{{quote|And we're rubbing each others sides and backs with our hands, our mouths are busy, and after a moment, you take off your blouse, and I take off my shirt, optionally with the medallion on|[[Chris]], describing his [[sex]] fantasy to [[PandaHalo]]<ref>[[Chris_Sex_Logs#Two_Front_Teeth]]</ref>}}
[[Image:License.jpg|thumb|Oh yes, he fucking did.]]
[[Image:ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|Top to bottom: [[PS3|The Good]], [[Hex Bawx|the Bad]], [[Chris and art|the Ugly]]. Left to right: The decoy Sonichu medallion, the [[Jiggliami]] medallion, the Rosechu medallion, and the [[Blake]] medallion.]]

The '''Medallions''' (also called "Medals" by [[Chris]]) were a result of his infatuation with his original character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Due to the frequency of wearing his medallions in videos, photos and in public it has become one of his more memorable characteristics along with his trademark [[Chris and fashion|striped shirt]] and more recently his [[Tomgirl Saga|tom-girl appearance]].<ref>[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]</ref><ref>"[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]"</ref><ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref><ref>[[Chris Chan Update 9 October 2008]]</ref>

Over the years, Chris has produced numerous medallions of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] characters and as of late he has been producing them in larger numbers for purchase through Ebay. All previous and current iterations have been made from [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Crayola fuckin' Model Magic and acrylic paint]] and the quality varies from medallion to medallion.

__TOC__

==Origins and purpose==
[[Image:096-SonichuMedallion.jpg|thumb|Like anything else Chris holds dear, it also comes in card form.]]
[[Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|thumb|left|The earliest known photo of Chris with the medallion, from 24 February [[2004]], Chris's 22nd birthday. The medallion is in profile, with [[Wikipedia:Shrinky Dinks|Shrinky Dinks]] hanging from its chain.]]
[[File:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|thumb|An art project that may have provided inspiration.]]

Though Chris previously could not recall when he first made the medallion, in [[August 2009]], Chris finally recalled the origins of the medallion. From [[CWCipedia]]:<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>

{{quote|Then Late [[2000]], I bought some [[Wikipedia:Crayola|Crayola]] Model Magic Clay, and I molded and crafted the First Original Sonichu Medallion that I wore around my neck with a makeshift chain (which I later replaced with a better necklace I bought from [[Anna|Pacific Sunwear]] at my [[Mall]]). Sadly, the First Original was mistrusted with a [[Blanca Weiss|feindish individual]] in [[2008]], I recrafted the Medal and continued on (The Necklace Still Holds ALL the History of the Medallions). THERE IS CURRENTLY ONLY ONE Original, True Sonichu Medallion, and it is NOT MADE FROM [[CChanSonichuCWC|PAPER]] cheaply, NOT MANUFACTURED IN A FACTORY from Plastic or Metal (yet); IT IS MADE FROM CRAYOLA MODLE MAGIC CLAY, with my Permanent Ink Signature, Copyright Note, Circle of Originality, and Two Custom Shrinkie-Dink Charms of Sonichu and an [[S-Chu Ball]].}}

Although not explicitly stated as inspiration, the Medallion of Fail is similar in concept to the medallions worn by the main characters in ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Underground]]'', which originally aired a year beforehand.

Despite being allegedly created in March [[2000]], the earliest known photograph of Chris wearing a Sonichu medallion is from his twenty-second birthday, 24 February [[2004]]. In his [[So Need a Cute Girl|"So Need a Cute Girl"]] video (20 December [[2004]]) he feels it necessary to explain what it is, suggesting that it is still a relatively new feature.

In a [[Mumble]] chat on 10 [[February 2009]], Chris revealed the reason for the medallion and that is... because he wanted to. It's "like a nametag" for him.<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> In one of his [[ED]] edits, Chris says that his medallion "identifies him for the [[autism|high-funcioning [''sic''] Autistic]] individual that he is."<ref><s>[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997315096&oldid=1997314465] Chris ED edit, Revision as of 07:28, 10 November 2007</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> And man, it sure does. It has also been speculated there could be other reasons for wearing his medallion, which range from simply thinking Sonichu is '''SERIOUS BUSINESS''', to being a portable anchor in our dangerous real world to [[CWCville]], his own happy world where he's always the hero who saves the day.

Chris is somewhat aware that the medallions make him look like a crazy person: he reassured [[Kacey]] that he didn't wear one to his job interview at [[Target]] (of course, this interview almost certainly did not take place, but Chris was at least aware that wearing a yellow hedgehog's head around your neck is not socially normal).<ref>[[Kacey Call 21]]</ref>

Each medallion is constructed from [[Wikipedia:Crayola|Crayola]] Fuckin' Model Magic, a non-toxic, easy-to-use modeling clay intended for small children. Chris wedges a keyring into the edge of each medallion, from which he can attach a chain to go around his neck. Sometimes he wears a [[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]] wristband on top of it because, being autistic, he mostly likely has [[Wikipedia:Sensory_defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], which might render the sensation of the chain's links uncomfortable. Medallions are painted with acrylic paint in the color schemes of the characters they represent, with [[Chris and copyright|copyright information]] scrawled on the back. Additional detailing varies, but Chris is known to have applied [[Wikipedia:Shrinky Dinks|Shrinky Dink]] charms to certain medallions as a form of authentication, to prevent counterfeiting.

==The medallions==
===Sonichu medallion===
[[Image:0712-CWCCollGrad3.jpg|thumb|Chris even wore it at his goddamn [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation.]]
[[Image:FushionRedone.jpg|thumb|left|Before [[Blanca]], it was believed that the Medallion of Fail would corrupt its possessor, turning him into an autistic manchild with a poor taste in [[Chris and fashion|fashion]].]]
Chris's primary medal is his Sonichu medallion, which he has rarely been seen without for the past five years. This medallion of course depicts his main character, Sonichu. Within the canon of Chris's [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], the medallion is the source of the [[Anchuent powers]] that allow Chris to assume his Electric Hedgehog alter ego, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

As he explained to [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] in his [[The Sonichu Chronicles|business proposal]], the medallion gives him no special powers in real life.

Chris has repeatedly claimed that in order for a video to be TRUE and HONEST it requires him to wear the medallion during it's filming. In this manner, he attempted to cast doubt on the [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|videos he posted confessing his homosexuality]], since he was not wearing his medallion in that footage.

 

====Prototype====
{{quote|He was also wearing a makeshift necklace that has a large plastic medallion in the shape of a Pokeman [sic] characters [sic] head. He also had a number of shrinky dink decorations attached to this necklace.|Psychiatrist describing the prototype Medallion of Fail.<ref>[[Autism_papers#MENTAL_STATUS_EXAM]]</ref>}}

[[Image:094-SchuMedl.jpg|thumb|Earliest known version of the medallion.]]

[[Image:190-chumedal.jpg|thumb|left|Computer rendering. This required over 9,000 hours in MS Paint, as well as an associates degree in CAD/CAM.]]

It appears that the very first medallion Chris created is the one seen to the right, which Chris was photographed wearing sporadically in [[2004]]. This design is definitely cruder than the others, with a pale yellow hue suggesting Chris was still learning how to properly apply color in this medium. This version is always seen on a metal chain, accompanied by Shrinky Dinks of a "CWC" logo, [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and the [[Chaotic Combo]].

Chris wore this medallion as late as [[2004#May|May 2004]], when he brought it with him to the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention that year. He would also wear this medallion later in the year, when he received a [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]].
 

====Mark 1 (and decoy)====
[[Image:Chrischan_sonichu_medal.jpg|150px|thumb|left|'''Spoiler:''' He even wears it during his sex fantasies.]]
[[Image:Decoy medallion.JPG|thumb|150px|The decoy medallion.]]

[[Image:SpecialSymbols.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The SPECIAL SYMBOLS to identify the TRUE and HONEST medallion.]]
[[Image:Terrifying by neodalion.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris's supposed reaction to the destruction of his medallion (artist's depiction).]]

By [[June 2005]] Chris had begun to wear what appeared to have been a new medallion. While Chris has claimed that the Sonichu medallion he sent to Blanca was the very first one he made,<ref name="Son cpedia" /> Mark 1 is clearly different from the prototype in that its tufts of fur on the sides of Sonichu's face were less pronounced and that it had a better paint job. There are no Shrinky Dinks to go with it, and instead of a chain it hangs from some sort of beaded necklace. The appearance of this version in pictures and videos seems to correspond with the introduction of Chris's red-and-blue striped shirts. This may be the medallion he was wearing in the [[So Need a Cute Girl|20 Dec 2004 video]]. It is definitely the medallion he wore to the [[2005]] Anime Mid-Atlantic convention.

No one is sure how many medallions Chris wore between 2005 and [[2008]], but in all pictures they appear roughly the same as this design. Sonichu's face has eyebrows in some photos and not in others, so either Chris was repainting the same medallion or making new ones. [[4chan]] and [[ED]] are filled with high-functioning [[autistic]]s who have pored over photographs identifying subtle differences in the medal's "ears" and "cheeks", without arriving at a consensus. For the sake of clarity, this article will assume that this was Chris's only medallion during this period.

In [[August 2008]], an anonymous commentator on 4chan's /v/ board offered a story and photograph suggesting that he had met Chris in real life and tricked him into giving the medallion to him. However, anon aspies all immediately analyzed the details of dozens of pictures and determined the "stolen" medallion to be a forgery. This conclusion was reaffirmed when Chris himself decided to post [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008|a video]] announcing that the medallion had never been stolen, defiantly claiming that nobody would take it from him. He also denied it in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].

Chris claimed to have made multiple Sonichu medallions and that he would sometimes wear these decoys to frustrate attempts to steal the one true medallion. It would remain unclear whether he was bluffing until October [[2008]], when a team of [[troll]]s posing as [[Blanca Weiss]] tricked him into sending all of his medallions to them. The package they received contained no fewer than ''two'' yellow Sonichu medals: one with the special markings identifying it as the "real" one, and another with no markings. It may be assumed that these were the only two medallions he owned at that time. Neither of them was the prototype, however, and that one's fate is unclear.

A video that showed the destruction of the medallion was eventually uploaded to [[YouTube]]. Chris responded by [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]]. Its remains are currently locked in a box somewhere at [[Wikipedia:Miskatonic University| Miskatonic University]]. As for the decoy Sonichu medallion, it ultimately ended up in the possession of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]'s owner/webmaster, Girlvynl.

 
<center>{{#ev:youtube|bzlUoAOpiak}}</center>

 

====Mark 2====
[[Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|It identifies him for the high-functioning autistic individual that he is]]

After sending the medallions to Blanca, and being told by Blanca that trolls had stolen them from "her," Chris created a new Sonichu medallion with a slightly larger design. He posted [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|a video]] [[lie|explaining]] that Blanca had recovered the original one and sent it back to him, and that he had modified it. This new medallion boasted a special peg on the reverse side which could be used to hold Chris's [[high school ring]], which somehow made it copy-protected.

Assuming Chris did not create any backup medallions, this is the same one he wore while posing in [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]]'s underwear at the request of [[troll]]s posing as [[Blanca]]. During this same exchange he later [[semen|ejaculated]] onto the medal. Shortly thereafter Chris posted [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|a new video]] in which he is visibly not wearing the medallion. It's unclear if he replaced this soiled medallion or if he cleaned it; in either case he was wearing it (or a similar duplicate) again by 27 October.

On 3 [[March 2009]], [[Max]] coerced Chris into cutting his medallion into pieces and shoving those pieces up his [[Wikipedia:Rectum|rectum]]. The idea of Chris literally inserting these chunks of ceramic into his rectum (and therefore risking anal tearing and sepsis) was highly controversial. Some have argued that he merely placed them between his buttcheeks (either in an attempt to deceive [[Max]] or out of ignorance of how to get them past his sphincter), but Chris himself has confirmed that he indeed inserted the shreds of the medallion into his ass and later on expelled them into the toilet.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> Chris thinks that [[Bob|his father]] would "have another heart attack" if he knew the details.

====Mark 3====
[[Image:New sonichu medallion.jpg|thumb|left|The first formal appearance of the Mark 3 medallion. It's like ''[[Wikipedia:The Blair Witch Project|The Blair Witch Project]]'', but only a few seconds long and the entire budget (and then some) spent on the crap on the background]]
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Oh God, the taste...]]

Although Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|claimed]] that he was making a new medallion, he didn't wear any medal in his [[YouTube]] videos between the 3 [[March 2009]] incident and his 1 [[July 2009]] videos. During this period he argued that his high school [[ring]] may be accepted as a symbol of his truthiness. However, since this statement was made without the medallion, this was false and Chris disproved himself.

In photos released 17 [[April 2009]] of Chris in some [[butt garments]], the new medallion, Mark 3, is shown as Chris licks it in a sensuous fashion. The release of these images proved doubly hurtful for Chris, not only for showing him, a shell of a manchild, in diapers but even worse in that it confirmed that there is a new Medallion that can either be seized and/or shoved up his rectum.

Despite the fact that he had made a new medallion, Chris was for some time reluctant to wear it in his videos, allegedly out of the fear that trolls would start a new campaign to seize the medallion and/or shove it up his rectum.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|22 May 2009]] this medallion made a surprise cameo in Christian's newest video. During the update, the video randomly cuts to the medallion hanging from the ceiling, only to cut back to Chris seconds afterward, presumably to add extra validity to the statements made in Chris's video.

The [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009|1 July 2009]] videos mark the full return of the Medallion of Fail, as Chris wears the third medallion around his neck throughout both videos.

As of 2011, the medallion was hanging on his wall, as seen in the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video.

For several months in [[2014]], it was speculated that this medallion was destroyed by the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]] which broke out in Chris's house on 10 [[January 2014]]. However, photos from [[July 2014]] confirmed that it was spared destruction.
 

===Rosechu medallion===
[[Image:Medallion Rosechu.jpg|thumb|left|A gift for his beloved sister-wife]]
[[Image:Rosechu medallion.JPG|thumb|Close-up]]

Only one medallion of Sonichu's [[sweetheart]] [[Rosechu]] is known to have existed, but it is speculated to be the first one Chris fashioned after the Sonichu one. The Rosechu medallion was intended to be worn by Chris's future [[heartsweet]], the one who would be his true love and bear him his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]. Chris has never been seen wearing it himself. It was sent with the others to Blanca in October 2008.

The medallion was first revealed to the Internet in the pages of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], where Chris's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|imaginary twin sister Crystal]] was introduced wearing it. In the comics Crystal possesses the same anchuent powers as Chris and the Rosechu medallion therefore allows her to become Crystalina Rosechu. That a real Rosechu medal existed was not learned until later, when Chris revealed it to [[PandaHalo]].

In case it hadn't occurred to you yet: Chris did, in real life, make a medal to be awarded to the future mother of his children, and in his fantasy world he has affixed this same medal to the twin sister he created to explore what he would be like if he'd been born female. Freud would doubtlessly have some choice words to say about this.

 

===Black Sonichu medallion===
[[Image:Blachu Medallion.JPG|thumb|left|He's too angry to show his [[fangs]]]]
[[Image:Black sonichu.JPG|thumb|Close-up]]

Although Black Sonichu (now [[Blake]]) seems to have originally served as an analogue for [[Wes Iseli]],<ref>As seen in [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - [[:File:433-CWCSNHP9.jpg]]</ref> Chris uses the Black Sonichu medallion to represent his own dark side, as he admitted himself.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> The picture at the left speaks volumes about its significance; Chris seems to believe that if he scowls hard enough whilst wearing the evil medallion, then whoever he's angered at will be terrified into capitulation, such as when he wore it in a [[CWC is Angry|video]] aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]].

The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] in the comics foretells that the Black Sonichu medallion would be created as a dark reflection of the original, yellow Sonichu medallion Chris wears. Beginning with [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] began wearing the dark medal and acting as Christian's evil twin, following the urges Chris himself keeps bottled up inside him. Like Christian, Naitsirhc summons powers from his medallion to become [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]].

Naitsirhc's medallion notwithstanding, Black Sonichu's role as the symbol of pure evil has softened in recent years as Chris has allowed the character to soften and fall in love with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. As such the actual Black Sonichu medallion was rarely seen until it was sent to Blanca in October [[2008]].
{{Clear}}

===Jiggliami medallion===
[[Image:Jiggliami_Medallion_Front_Scan.jpg|thumb|left|Baka Dana Watashi!]]
[[Image:Jiggliami_Medallion_Back_Scan.jpg|thumb|Back of the medallion.]]
Despite the purpose of the Rosechu medallion, Chris was so in love with Blanca that he created a brand-new medallion for her to wear based on Blanca's original character [[Jiggliami]]. This medallion was sent along with the others to Blanca in October 2008. Blanca was depicted wearing this medallion in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and [[Sonichu 8|#8]]. It was sent to the now-former admin of the [[/cwc/]] imageboard and currently resides in a holding facility somewhere in California.

It is the simplest of the medallions, being a plain circle with no three-dimensional pieces. Consequently, it's probably the least hideous of the medallions, as Chris has limited the number of ways he can fail by giving himself less work to do.
{{Clear}}

===Asperchu Medallion===
[[Image:As.PNG|thumb|left|The Medallion of Win in all its glory.]]
In [[Magical Man Potion|one video]], Chris's [[Magical Man|mysterious friend]] is seen sporting an odd medallion. In [[02 March 2010|another video]] a few days later, the medallion was confirmed to be one of [[Asperchu]]. Apparently, it was crafted by [[Alec Benson Leary]] and given to Chris as a symbol of goodwill. In that video, Chris is pained to have the medallion around and have it hung up on his wall. The medal still hung on Chris's wall until the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|housefire]] of January 2014, covered by the box Alec sent it in so Chris wouldn't get stressed by having to look at it. The box was seen hanging open in the [[Tomgirl Pictures]]: what this means is best not thought about. Chris wears the medallion while impersonating Alec Benson Leary in his video [[100 2270]].

On 2 [[August 2014]] Chris confirmed that this medallion has been destroyed by the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]] which broke out in his house on 10 [[January 2014]].<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Fan items lost in the fire]]</ref>
{{Clear}}

==Obtaining medallions==
[[Image:Abused cat.jpg|thumb|Poor kitty...]]

Since the discovery of Chris on [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], it had been understood among trolls that the Sonichu medallion was Chris's most cherished possession and that he would cry like a bitch if it were ever taken from him, making its capture a prime objective. This proved only partially true when it was inevitably stolen. Chris does not seem to have a special attachment to any one particular medallion, but merely the requirement that he must wear one at all times. Further, all successful efforts to eliminate the medallions have resulted in relatively little outrage; Chris is always more concerned with his Internet girlfriends being fake than he is over losing his property because of them. Currently, there is only one medallion that has not been obtained by trolls, shoved up Chris's ass, or otherwise destroyed.

===Medallions obtained by [[Blanca Weiss]]===
*Sonichu v.1
*Sonichu Decoy
*Rosechu
*Black Sonichu
*Jiggliami
 
<center>{{#ev:youtube|A0H7bXHEa58}}</center>
 

===Destroyed by Chris===
*Sonichu v.2

===Destroyed in the 14BC Fire===
*Asperchu

===Still in Chris's Possession===
*Sonichu v.3

==On hiatus==
[[File:133696094632.jpg|thumb|Appearance from 11 [[November 2010]].]]
[[File:Chris Lego.jpg|thumb|YOUR MEDAL IS MADE OUT OF '''PAPER'''!]]

Chris began to move away from his medallions in [[2010]]. He wore one on 6 [[September 2010]] in [[Haters gonna hate.mov]], and again in a photo dated 11 [[November 2010]] (leaked on 13 [[May 2012]]). After that, Chris was not photographed wearing the medallion in either public or private settings for nearly four years. This abandonment coincided with his adoption of [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]] attire; the medallion apparently did not fit his new image.

Yet it still constituted an important part of his identity. In [[November 2012]], Chris made a Kreo (off brand [[Lego]] sets made by [[Transformers|Hasbro]]) edition of himself wearing a tiny paper medallion for his [[Facebook]] image, suggesting that Chris hadn't totally given up on [[Sonichu_(comic)|Sonichu]]. The figure showed up again on his Facebook page in mid-2014, this time with a female friend (soon to be revealed as a new [[Catherine|sweetheart]]) wearing a Rosechu medallion.

In [[July 2014]], Chris sold several [[Autographed Photos|autographed photos of himself]] on [[eBay]], and some buyers requested that he wear the Sonichu medallion. As noted previously in this article, it was speculated that the third Sonichu medallion had been consumed by the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]] which broke out in his house on 10 [[January 2014]]. The photos which they received confirmed that the Sonichu v.3 medallion had indeed survived the fire,<ref>[[:File:Received_autographed_photos_-_5_Jul_2014.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:Chris with medallion - July 2014.jpg]]</ref> but Chris later confirmed that the Asperchu medallion had been destroyed in the flames.<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>

==The medallion goes mass-market==
[[File:Chris with medallion - July 2014.jpg|thumb|right|The medallion's return in 2014.]]

===Overview===
On 12 September 2014, Chris announced on his [[September 2014 Facebook Posts|Facebook]] page that he would be making and selling replica medallions on [[EBay]] for $30 each. He expressed a willingness to make not only Sonichu and Rosechu medals, but also "most any of the rest of the characters, or a custom of your choosing." His first listing of 55 sold out quickly, and he was forced to relist it. By the time sales were temporarily halted on December 6, he had succeeded in selling at least 114. He re-listed 30 medallions in February 2015, and these too quickly sold out. In June 2015, 16 more medallions appeared on his Ebay account, also selling out within a day. Photos indicated that he had extended the run of medallions to 300. In July he sold a few medallion/[[Amiibo]] bundle sets, and in August listed 20 more standalone medallions.

===Ebay Description===
{{quotebox|
Straight from the creator and artist, Christian Weston Chandler (myself), a Fresh molded, coloured and certified medallion of Sonichu, Rosechu, most any of the rest of the characters, or a custom of your choosing. It WILL be shipped in a sealed wrap marked "Fragile". My signature will be written on the backs if each medallion. A Personal Certificate of Authenticity will be included and a medallion will be attached to its back. NO LOCAL PICKUP AVAILABLE, at the Personal Risk of myself, the Original Creator and Artist.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Disclaimer: When ordering a medallion, or more than one, please specify which you would like: Sonichu or Rosechu. A medallion of the other cannon main characters may be requested for your purchase. Your own fan Sonichu or Rosechu character(s) version may also be requested and suggested. Should I find the suggested outside character offensive, I shall inform you and accept another suggestion or default to the Prime Sonichu or Rosechu character(s) for your order; I am usually easy on accepting of custom requests at first. The rings inserted into the medallions are smaller than a typical keychain ring. And the necklace for them will be set-length blue leather straps, tied at the ring, for best fit around most head and neck sizes. The flower on the photographed Rosechu medallion is not included by default; if you would like a flower added onto your Rosechu medallion, you may request it in your message at the time of, or following, your purchase. Also, please allow up to two weeks for creation of each medallion, and should any delays come up, I will inform you via eBay Private Message Individually, or make a public post on my Facebook page. And Final individual molding creation may or will vary or differ from those in the above photographs.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Take Heart and UNDERSTAND!!! There will NOT be ANY altercations made to the medallions AT ALL. The medallion(s) WILL be mailed via USPS First Class and Expedited with Delivery Confirmation and a Tracking Number and marked "Fragile; Handle With Care". I have NO obligation to make any personal appearances upon my own personal risk.
}}

For the July 2015 relisting, he added the following paragraph to this description. He did not, however, alter the description to reflect his supposed name change to Christine.

{{quotebox|
<nowiki>**</nowiki>NOTE, July 7, 2015: I have already molded, painted, certified and boxed individually, Sonichu Medallions equal to the maximum quantity available that I have listed right here, right now. So, everyone who requests Sonichu will get their shipped as early as the following day. Custom Orders are still an option, as described in the description, but still Please Allow up to Two Weeks for individual creation and shipment. Thank you.}}

Chris posted images of Sonichu and Rosechu medallion samples and the manufacturing components.
<center><gallery>
File:Medallions 1.JPG
File:Medallions 2.JPG
File:Medallions 3.JPG
File:Medallions 4.JPG
</gallery></center>

===Ebay Questions and Answers===
{{email|
Hi Christian! I have bought an ALF drawing from you and I want to know if I can have a medallion made for a Christmas present. Are you able to do one of Mega Man? Or of Alpha 5 from the Power Rangers? Please let me know!
}}
{{EmailReply|
Yes, I can do both medals like that.
}}

{{email|
Hey there, I'm still trying to figure out which medallion I might want, but I was wondering if maybe it would be possible to request a Magi-chan or Punchy medallion? Or maybe since Halloween is coming up, is a Vamprosa possible as well? I would love that! Thanks in advance!!
}}
{{EmailReply|
Yes, any of those characters are most doable.
}}

{{email|
Is this a limited edition offer? Are the medallions engraves with serial numbers? Also i'm curious as to what quantity you can produce. I'm interested in purchasing whole sale and was wondering if you can produce 200 units which would be sold in my business.
}}
{{EmailReply|
Well, the numbers are written/engraved in the back of each medallion, and they each come with a personal matching Certificate of Authenticity. I personally hand craft the medallions with heart and soul. To make an order as large as 200, I would definitely require the total amount of $30 X 200 medals, upfront and sent to my PayPal account, which the email address to which can be found upon checking out from one of my listings, along with an email or eBay PM to inform me of such a large order.
}}

{{email|
Hello. The original medallions that you wore were made using Crayola Model Magic and acrylic paint. Are you using the same materials to make these nice items? Have a pleasant day.
}}
{{EmailReply|
Yes, I am using the same, but fresh, materials.
}}

{{email|
Is the item autographed with either marker or an engraving?
}}
{{EmailReply|
Permanent Ink Marker, and the Certificate will also have my personal Signature written onto it as well, but in RSVP Pentel Pen Ink.
}}

{{email|
How big are these Medallions and how much do they weigh? I don't want to risk getting weird stares while I wear it if it's too bulky.
}}
{{EmailReply|
Weight: feels like a few ounces; definitely less than a pound.
}}

{{email|
You say give you two weeks to make and ship our order. Does it really take you two weeks to make these? Or is this just an estimate? Also, how big are these, on average? I would like to wear mine all over, but if it's too [text missing]
}}
{{EmailReply|
Two weeks is an estimate, counting the time it would take to make a lot of them, depending on the total ordered quantity. They measure 3.5 inches X 3.5 inches square, and are a quarter inch thick, plus another quarter inch [text missing]
}}

{{email|
Can we request medallions of minor characters?
}}
{{EmailReply|
Yes
}}

{{email|
Is it made out of Crayola Model Magic?
}}
{{EmailReply|
Yes.
}}

[[File:Medallions.jpg|thumb|Sonichu sampler.]]
===Facebook Notices===
As with other aspects of his Ebay business, Chris frequently made relevant announcements on his Facebook page. The initial notice:

{{quotebox|12 September 2014
I am starting on making the medals for sale. I have the materials to make them now.
}}

Chris described the production process in detail in order to justify the two weeks he required to ship a medallion:

{{quotebox|25(?) September 2014
I would like to announce that I am most grateful for y'all's business on the Medallions. And such.

Also, just to let everyone know Why I estimate Two Weeks for creation of a medal or more....

First, I have to be in the mood and mindset for creation as best as I am able, or otherwise not busy with life details or chores and errands. Then I have to Mold them according to my own specifications, including being able to fit into the 3.5" square boxes with cotton puddings per box. Then they all have to air dry overnight. Then I paint the details, let that dry, and then use a permanent Ink find point marker to hand write my signature, (c), and production number. Followed by measuring the lengths of the neck straps from the longer leather strips, thread them through the rings of each medal as tie the two ends together. Then I print or photocopy the small square blank certificates, fill them each appropriately with their respective medal, and then laminate the certificates. And then there's the package wrapping, addressing And shipping them out at my local USPS Post Office. Around then, I would add the tracking numbers respectively as well.

And with that, I am making my promise now that from the first week's order amount if over thirty medals, I will have them all ready to ship, and ship them all on Friday the 27th!

Thank you all for your patronage and your patience. Have a good and safe day.
}}

Chris was happy when the first run of the medallions sold out.

{{quotebox|1 October 2014
My, My! The Medallion Listing ended with the last quantity number sold. No worries, people, I will have it relisted ASAP, when eBay refreshes my monthly Listing Allowance.

In the meantime, everyone can still get a Medallion for Free with purchase of a Framed Piece, Commission with the Works, and a Colored Commission. And I will now offer a Two-For-One Special through the B&W Listing; Free Medal with Purchase of a B&W Commission, and y'all may request a Medallion in lieu of a Commission Drawing. That is like buying Two Medallions for 1 2/3 of the total price.

I will extend the offer until when I am able to Relist the Medallions. I sincerely apologize for any inconveniences, and I thank you all for your understanding and patience.
}}

===The Mr. Smith Situation===
Among those who ordered a medallion from Chris was one Mr. Smith. There is some dispute concerning the origins of the conflict between Chris and Mr. Smith, and whether or not Mr. Smith's complaints were justified.<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fb-09-21-14-chris-promises-all-the-medallions-will-be-shipped-by-9-27.4991/page-4#post-349366</ref><ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fb-9-30-angry-eyed-sonichu-medallions.5107/page-10#post-361784</ref><ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/my-experience-with-christian-featuring-a-new-original-art-piece.5501/</ref><ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fb-9-27-14-chris-blames-the-victim.5070/page-12#post-357047</ref> Whatever the case, around 18 [[September 2014]], Mr. Smith filed a claim against Chris on eBay before the two-week period Chris requested to ship the medallion, thereby freezing his PayPal account. Furious, Chris sent several angry messages to Mr. Smith pleading to lift the case.

{{EmailReply|
Your medal will be shipped tomorrow. PLEASE CLOSE YOUR CASE IMMEDIATELY; I NEED THE MONEY OUT OF THE LIMBO YOU HAVE FORCED IT INTO, SO I CAN SHIP IT AND THE REMAINDER!!! - jesusguidesme2
}}

{{EmailReply|
Listen to me, Buster! I told you I needed up to two weeks for the creation of the medals in the Listing! And if there is a delay, I would let everyone know. See attached image for WHY I NEED THE TIME!

-jesusguidesme2
}}

{{EmailReply|
Dear [omitted],

In for you to get YOUR medal at all right now and Sooner is for you to Close Your Case and let me have the money back! You are being a Major Cyber-Bully and a God Damed Internet Troll right now! If you want to redeem yourself and be forgiven, you WILL give me the money Back in Closing your Case against me RIGHT NOW!!! PLEASE!!!

-jesusguidesme2
}}

{{EmailReply|
Dear [omitted],

You will get your medal, but I NEED THE MONEY, Please! Why are you being a damn Bully?!

-jesusguidesme2
}}

At this point Chris doxxed Mr. Smith on Facebook.

{{quotebox|26 September 2014
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT OPEN ANY EBAY CASES AGAINST ME!!! When someone does that, it forces the amount removed into Limbo from my PayPal, which risks pushing it into the Red, as when it is forced untie red, an OVERDRAFT FEE is charged against me, and when I have Negative Money in my PayPal Account, I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SHIP ANYTHING!!! Daniel, your medal has just been shipped, ad the other two people, yours and the current remainder will be shipped tomorrow, or NOT IF YOU DO NOT CLOSE YOUR CASES AGAISNT ME AND GIVE ME THE MONEY BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

Do Not Be So Damn Impatient and Greedy!!! God Dang It!!!
}}
To which he added:
{{quotebox|
Either tomorrow or on the First of October; depending if the two people ([omitted] closed his case; very much appreciated) close Their casses immediately or not! UGH!!!

[Omitted] of Portland, Oregon, AKA: username: [omitted]. And [omitted] of Lashmeet, West Virginia, AKA: username: [omitted].

Bullies! They're being Damn Bullies!!! Ugh!!!
}}

Mr. Smith was upset.

{{email|
Dear jesusguidesme2,

ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! You just posted my name and where I live on your Facebook. I know you deleted it but someone screenshotted it and showed it to me. Now I'm getting prank phone called. I'm reporting you to Ebay RIGHT NOW....
}}

{{EmailReply|
Dear [omitted],

I am very sorry about trolling you like that, I will have your medal shipped tomorrow, most definitely.

-jesusguidesme2
}}

{{EmailReply|
Dear [omitted],

Your medallion has been sent; you may check the Tracking Number; PLEASE Close Your Case Immediately.

-jesusguidesme2
}}

{{email|
Dear jesusguidesme2,

No. This is far from over. I spent an hour on the phone with Ebay last night and now they're getting involved with the investigation. I have proof that you did it and some people even want me to go to the cops with it.
}}

{{EmailReply|
Look, I am Really Sorry about that; I was under a lot of stress, and what I did was wrong. Please end this chaos. I do not want any trouble.
}}

{{email|
Dear jesusguidesme2,

You're only saying that you're sorry because you're in trouble. You've not even attempted to make the situation up to me.
}}

Chris tried to resolve the problem with a Facebook post.

{{quotebox|27 September 2014
I DID make a comment where I named two people who opened cases against me, plummeting my PayPal account closer to the Red Again! I was under a LOT of Stress! The One Remaining who is refusing to Close his Case is causing me more grief and stress enough that could kill me with a heart attack or a stroke.

Saying his and her names in the comment was very wrong of me, and I understand what I did was a Trolling-Stupid Act; that is Not Me, and [[Chris and remorse|I am Very, Truly Sorry]] for doing that. But I had deleted shortly after, and yet it wasn't quick enough for the REAL TROLLS AND CYBER-BULLIES to screen cap it and forcing it against me into even more stress and trouble!

Can't we just forgive and forget? Or are the lot of you soo corrupted, that you have lost all feeling in your hearts, and sold your own souls and self-beings to a form of a devil that keeps you all dragged down in front of your monitors day in and day out with only sole and pitiful purposes of needlessly torturing EVERYBODY ELSE, regardless of Innocent or Guilty or In-Between?

Good Grief!!!

--:( feeling drained.
}}

Chris hoped this would resolve the issue, and sent two private messages to Mr. Smith:

{{EmailReply|
I just made a public apology in full detail from my exhausted heart and soul on my Facebook. I am NOT RICH! My mother and I are just getting by as it is. You would gain nothing from me or my family in any court of law or whatever. [[Michael Snyder]] knows what I am talking about; he thought it would be a get-rich-quick scheme for him, but he was very wrong, and he had to go out of business of His [[The GAMe PLACe|Hobby PLace]] afterwards. You think about that.

-jesusguidesme2
}}

{{EmailReply|
And I will also add that you are torturing a [[Homos#Chris the lesbian|Lesbian and a Transgender]], as well as an [[Autism|Autistic Individual]]; the HRC and Autism Facilities would be very interested in hearing about my being abused by Your constant inaction, bullying on me and lack of cooperation of a heartfelt conclusion and settlement. Think about that a well.

-jesusguidesme2
}}

This did not satisfy Mr. Smith.

{{email|
Dear jesusguidesme2,

I don't care that you're gay and autistic. You intentionally tried to harm me and you're going to suffer the consequences.
}}

{{EmailReply|
You Hurt Me First and worst by pushing my finances towards the Red with great risk of getting an Overdraft charged against me! This fight is needless and nonsense; what's done is done. I have most sincerely apologized, I shipped your Medal Out Today! Please Just Stop Attacking Me!

-jesusguidesme2
}}

At this point Mr. Smith received a Sonichu medallion from Chris, but it came with an angry expression. The certificate was marred by black smudges. Mr. Smith complained that it was not what he had asked for. Chris summarized the dispute on Facebook:

{{quotebox|30 September 2014
I want to make it publicly known to everyone that Mr. Smith (to hold his first name on identity sake) is being a further bully by making a false case against me. The Medallion I had sent him is a Sonichu Medallion, but because of how his actions against me made me feel and all, his Medallion has an Angry Expression, where the eyes' whites were painted orange, with a flame look on the irises, and a most Angry facial expression. He is claiming it to be a Blue something, possibly like the ONE Yawning Squirtle Medallion that was order by another (Female) customer.

His case is very false, and I want the record to show that the Only Thing Blue about his medallion is the Neck Strap, just like most everyone else's medallions. The actual medal is of the same Sonichu face shape, but with the angry expression I have stated just now. Please make Mr. Smith stop Cyber-Bullying and Trolling Me with his constant hold on the $30 that is still very much in Limbo currently.
}}

A number of Chris's fans were concerned that the certificate was smudged because Chris had spit on it or worse. Chris reassured one fan:

{{EmailReply|
I have never spit on anything I have shipped out. The only recent mishap was black paint being spilt onto a couple of blank certificates.

-jesusguidesme2
}}

Chris and Mr. Smith continued to argue via private messages.

{{EmailReply|
You must be mistaken; your medallion is NOT BLUE at all. And I was very careful of sending you the right medallion, which in your case, because of how you made me feel, I gave the Sonichu face an enraged, angry expression. I do not do Refunds, because what I sell are Customized Items; they do not resell, period. I am under the impression you are just further bullying me for your own perspective of revenge. The decision is final. Good Day.
}}

{{EmailReply|
I did not send you the wrong medallion, I PURPOSELY molded, Drew and colored it to [[Chris and anger|BE ANGRY at YOU]], for your constant stubborn attitude and Bullying. And you certainly are bucking up to be worthy of my own anger as well. Accurate Item; MADE CUSTOM JUST FOR YOU, [omitted]! Hmmpf!
}}

Mr. Smith still refused to lift his eBay case against Chris, and demanded satisfaction. Chris agreed to send a new, unadulterated medallion as well as a free commissioned drawing, which Mr. Smith requested be a portrait of himself with Sonichu.

The illustration, dated 13 October, turned out to be a mockery of Mr. Smith. While Mr. Smith had sent photos of himself to Chris for reference, Chris drew Mr. Smith with a "troll face;" depicted a bucket of ice about to topple onto his head; and drew Sonichu saying, "You just couldn't let up and be patient, could you, Mr. Smith?" Chris also wrote on the drawing, "YOU PUT ME ON A [[tugboat|SINKING SHIP]], KILLING MY FINANCES."

Still unsatisfied and persisting with his eBay complaint, Mr. Smith demanded that Chris make a [[To Mr. Smith|video apology]]. Because Chris was not wearing his medallion while making this apology, Mr. Smith suspected that it was not True and Honest. Chris responded:

{{EmailReply|
I am for real, and I do not have to wear my medallion to prove myself. I have done more than your money's worth for you. I am the real Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA. And you can best tell who I am from my Face. I am sick of kissing your pitiful ass. Now, you can kiss my [[un-clit|cooch]]!

-jesusguidesme2
}}

Ultimately, eBay decided to refund the $30 to Mr. Smith. So Mr. Smith received for free the following loot:
<center><gallery>
File:Mrsmithangryeyessonichu.jpg|"Angry eyes" Sonichu.
File:Authentically autistic.JPG|The smeared certificate.
File:Med 73 B.JPG|The second, unadulterated medallion.
File:Chris's Commission to Mr. Smith (compressed).jpg|The commissioned drawing.
</gallery></center>

Needless to say, Chris got some of his pity points dropped even before [[26 December 2014]] occurred.

===The Received Medallions===
Recipients noted that the medallions were surprisingly lightweight. A number had parts broken off; Chris routinely included a note that these could be fixed with Krazy Glue. This note was hand-written at first, but eventually he created a typed version, complete with misspelling. Another common problem was that Chris placed medallions in boxes while they were still wet or before the clay had set, resulting in smearing and fading. Some had fingerprints, or arrived with disturbing foreign materials. In 2015, he began signing his name as "Christine," but was too lazy to print up new certificates to reflect the name change.

{{collapsible
|Gallery of medallions, thus far
|<center><gallery>

File:Med 12 B.jpg|Number 12, box.
File:Med 12 C.jpg|Number 12, box.
File:Med 12 D.jpg|Number 12, box.
File:Med 12 A.jpg|Number 12, [[Yawning Squirtle]].
File:Med 12 E.jpg|Number 12, back.
File:Med 12 G.jpg|Chris's lack of knot tying know-how is evident.
File:Med 13 A.jpg|Number 13, box.
File:Med 13 B.jpg|Number 13, box.
File:Sonchu.jpg|Number 13, front.
File:Med 13 D.jpg|Number 13, back.
File:Med 18 box.JPG|Number 19, EVIL BOX.
File:Mrsmithangryeyessonichu.jpg|Number 19, Mr. Smith's medallion.
File:Authentically autistic.JPG|Number 19, smeared certificate.
File:Med 23.jpg|Number 23. Recipient said the nose fell off and the signature was illegible.
File:Med 25 A.jpg|Number 25, elegantly displayed.
File:Med 25 B.jpg|Number 25, close-up.
File:Med 27 A.jpg|Number 27.
File:Med 27 B.jpg|Number 27, certificate.
File:Med 34.png|Number 34.
File:Med 35.jpg|Number 35.
File:Med Y.jpg|Number 38.
File:Med 41 A.jpg|Number 41.
File:Med 41 B.jpg|Number 41, back.
File:Med 41 C.jpg|Number 41, certificate.
File:Med 41 D.jpg|Number 41, "Care and [[Chris and English|Maintainence]]".
File:Med 41 E.jpg|Number 41, Chris is not very prompt (note the [[A-Logging|a-loggish]] comment).
File:Med 41 G.jpg|Number 41's satisfied customer.
File:Med 46 A.JPG|Number 46, box.
File:Med 46 C.JPG|Number 46.
File:Med 46 B.JPG|Number 46, back.
File:Med 59 A.png|Number 59.
File:Med 59 B.png|Number 59, back. [[Chris and art|Note the smearing]].
File:Med 59 C.png|Number 59, certificate.
File:Med 60 A.jpg|Number 60, box.
File:Med 60 B.jpg|Number 60, box.
File:Med 60 C.jpg|Number 60, the complete package.
File:Med 60 D.jpg|Number 60, close-up.
File:Med 60 E.jpg|Number 60, another picture.
File:Med 60 F.jpg|Number 60, yet another view.
File:Med 60 G.jpg|Number 60, certificate.
File:Med 61 A.jpg|Number 61, box.
File:Med 61 B.jpg|Number 61, box.
File:Med 61 C.jpg|Number 61, as packaged. Recipient said it [[Axe|smelled bad]].
File:Med 61 D.jpg|Number 61, [[Wild Sonichu]].
File:Med 61 E.jpg|Number 61, back. Typical smearing.
File:Med 61 F.jpg|Number 61, certificate, with paint smears.
File:Med 61 G.jpg|Number 61, "Care and Maintainence".
File:Med 61 H.jpg|Number 61, fingerprints.
File:Med 61 I.jpg|Number 61, hair.
File:Med 62C.png|Number 62, box.
File:Med 62A.png|Number 62 with certificate.
File:Med 62B.png|Number 62's satisfied customer.
File:Meds 64 & 65 B.png|Numbers 64 and 65.
File:Meds 64 & 65 A.png|Numbers 64 and 65, back.
File:Med 66 B.jpg|Number 66, certificate.
File:Med 66 A.jpg|Number 66.
File:Med Z.JPG|Number 68, Wild Sonichu.
File:Med 69 C.jpg|Number 69, box.
File:Med 69 D.jpg|Number 69. Box had "[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|strange brownish stains]]" on it.
File:Med 69 A.jpg|Number 69, [[Robbie Sonichu]].
File:Med 69 G.jpg|Number 69, back.
File:Med 69 E.jpg|Number 69, the complete package.
File:Med 69 F.jpg|Number 69. The nose fell off.
File:Med 69 B.jpg|Number 69. Recipient identified this as "[[Chris and health|a booger attached to a lock of hair]]" found inside the box.
File:Med 70.JPG|Number 70. The recipient requested that Chris sign it.
File:Med 72 A.jpg|Number 72, box.
File:Med 72 B.jpg|Number 72. "([[Yu-Gi-Oh]]) Yuya's Pendant".
File:Med 72 C.jpg|Number 72. The recipient gave Chris five options; this is the one he chose.
File:Med 72 D.jpg|Number 72, artist's signature.
File:Med 72 E.jpg|Number 72. "Yuya's Pendant".
File:Med 73 A.JPG|Number 73.
File:Med 73 B.JPG|Number 73, close-up.
File:Med 73 C.JPG|Number 73, certificate.
File:Med 73 D.JPG|Number 73. The nose fell off this one too.
File:Med 76 A.jpg|Number 76, [[Megagi La Skunk]].
File:Med 76 C.jpg|Number 76, close-up.
File:Med 76 D.jpg|Number 76, back.
File:Med 76 B.jpg|Number 76, certificate.
File:Med 76 E.jpg|Number 76 on display.
File:Med 78&79 C.png|Number 78, box.
File:Med 78&79 D.png|Number 78, box.
File:Med 78&79 B.png|Number 78.
File:Med 78&79 E.png|Number 79, box.
File:Med 78&79 A.png|Number 79. Plusa, the recipient's Sonichu original character.
File:Med 78&79 F.png|Numbers 78 & 79, certificates.
File:Med 80.jpg|Number 80, [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
File:Med 83 A.jpg|Number 83, box.
File:Med 83 B.jpg|Number 83, "Red" Sonichu, apparently another original character.
File:Med 83 C.jpg|Number 83, back.
File:Med 86 A.jpg|Number 86, box.
File:Med 86 B.jpg|Number 86, opening the box.
File:Med 86 C.jpg|Number 86, box.
File:Med 86 D.jpg|Number 86. The ears were broken.
File:Med 86 E.jpg|Number 86, certificate and ears.
File:Med 86 F.jpg|Number 86, back.
File:Med 86 G.jpg|Number 86, more questionable knotting.
File:114 1.jpg|Number 114, box.
File:114 2.jpg|Number 114, mailing address.
File:114 3.jpg|Number 114. "Please Leave Positive Feedback."
File:114 4.jpg|Number 114, certificate.
File:114 5.jpg|Number 114, Rosechu.
File:114 6.jpg|Number 114, with METAL.
File:Med 123.png|Number 123.
File:Med 139A.jpg|Number 139.
File:Med 139D.jpg|Number 139 being utilized.
File:Med 139B.jpg|Number 139, certificate.
File:Med 139C.jpg|Number 139, signed as "Christine."
File:Med 140J.jpg|Number 140, package.
File:Med 140A.jpg|Number 140, box.
File:Med 140B.jpg|Number 140.
File:Med 140E.jpg|Number 140, another view.
File:Med 140F.jpg|Number 140, back.
File:Med 140G.jpg|Number 140, certificate.
File:Med 140K.jpg|Number 140, with real art.
File:Med 140C.jpg|Illustration included with 140 to make up for international shipping.
File:Med147B.jpg|Number 147, box.
File:Med147E.jpg|Number 147, certificate.
File:Med147C.jpg|Number 147, [[Sammy]].
File:Med147D.jpg|Number 147, another view.
File:Med 147A.jpg|Number 147, back.
File:Med152A.jpg|Number 152, with [[pickles]].
File:Med152B.jpg|Number 152, back.
File:Med152C.jpg|Number 152, certificate.
File:Medallion178.jpg|Number 178, owned by "Kinisis Gaming."
File:Sonichu medallion number 181.jpg|Number 181, from someone named "Dcencia."
File:Asperchu medallion.jpg|Number 182, [[Asperchu]] from someone named "Jeatz Axl."
File:Med 186 A.jpg|Number 186.
File:Med 186 B.jpg|Number 186, as it arrived in its box.
File:Med 186 C.jpg|Number 186, another view.
File:Med 186 D.jpg|Number 186, box.
File:Med 186 E.jpg|Number 186, certificate.
File:Magi-Chan Sonichu Medallion.jpg|Number 207, [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]] owned by "Dcencia."
File:Chris-Chan Sonichu Medallion.jpg|Number 208, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] owned by "Dcencia."
File:HEILFART1.jpg|Number 209, the [[July 2015 Facebook Posts#The Hitler Medallion|Hitler Medallion]].
File:HEILFART2.jpg|Number 209, back.
File:Med X C.jpg|Unknown number, Sonichu.
File:Med X D.png|Certificate for previous medallion.
File:Med X A.jpg|Box for previous.
File:Med X B.jpg|Box for previous.
File:JojoswoonMedallion.jpg|Another Sonichu from someone named "Jojoswoon."
File:Med Oney.png|Medallion belonging to someone named "Oney."
File:Med divintrial.png|Twitter user "divintrial" with his medallion.
File:Med cosplay.png|Cosplayer with authentic medallion.
File:Cosplayer with Medallion.jpg|Presumably the same cosplayer having a blast.
File:Medallion Customer.jpg|He can feel the cosmos.

</gallery></center>}}

A few purchasers included videos:

Number 23: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5HFzNUQREQ

Number 25: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPfpZ6v5JK0

Number 178: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dFXTUFM3RI

Number 199: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HP5HANhgZaU&feature=youtu.be

==See also==
*[[Amnyfest Ring]], another source of Chris's power

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Gitar of Fail

2015-08-26T15:22:51Z

Meester Siemen: Formatting changes

[[File:Gitar.jpg|right|thumb|200px|The gitar in the image that won him $400 from [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest|GameStop]] (''Guitar Hero III'' version)]]
[[File:SchuComic10P97.jpg|left|thumb|150px|The Gitar of Fail is seen on Chris's back here.]]
[[File:Gitarr.jpg|thumb|How Chris sees himself]]

The '''Gitars of Fail''' were Chris's custom-painted ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controllers that made appearances in several videos. They were not mere game controllers, however; Chris liked to pose with the controllers, for example in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] as well as several videos.

The Gitars also made many appearances in the comics, for example [[Revive Zordon|when going Jericho on 4-Cent Garbage]], and also on the cover of his mocked-up copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. He appeared to think [[Chris and reality|that it counts as an actual instrument and gives him the skill to really play a guitar.]]

<div style="text-align:center;">'''Fun Fact: He fails at using the guitar strap.'''</div>

After the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|January 10th - 2014 House Fire]], it's currently unknown if the Gitars of Fail survived the blaze, but it's unlikely.

==Gitars through the ages==
Chris made [[wikipedia:Robert Kotick|Bobby Kotick]] a ''very'' happy man. If the [[October 2010]] [[100 2278|room pictures]] were clear, Chris had ''at least'' 5 Gitars of Fail:

* The ''Guitar Hero 5'' version, which Chris never managed to mod to the extreme.
* The ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul version, with [[Sonichu]] paintjob.
* The ''Guitar Hero I/II'' Gibson SG version, turquoise with the [[America]]n flag stripes and tons of stickers.
* A mostly [[black]] one.
* A worn one, making its appearance in [[Victory Rockout]] video in August 2011. Chris got this from a garage sale, bundled with an unspecified game.

It's not clear why Chris would buy more than 1 controller, as the controllers were mostly compatible with newer games and he obviously has no friends to play with. Why he kept collecting ''more'' of them after the ''Guitar Hero'' line had been discontinued (thanks to [[wikipedia:Activision|Activision]] milking the franchise dry and losing money and laying off employees as a result; they'll be relaunching it in fall [[2015]] with ''Guitar Hero Live'') is anyone's guess. But then again, common sense has never had much to do with his video game purchasing decisions.

He may have had even more of them, as he sold another ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul on [[eBay]] in September 2009. He also had a customized ''Rock Band'' Stratocaster known as "[[Things Chris has ripped off|Meatwad's Shredwud]]" appear in a video he recorded in [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|October 2009]]. Chris hocked this guitar on eBay around the same time, effectively [[Jimmy Hill|selling a product]] identical to another cartoonist's intellectual property.

==Appearances==
*The Gitar appeared in the [[PS3 History Level]] video.
*In [[Power]], the [[Nudes|half-naked]] Chris lifts it above his head in a show of [[I AM STRONG|strength]], before miming playing it, namely by wiggling his fingers and screeching.
*In Chris's [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|music video]] for [[Ivy]], he uses the Gitar extensively to rock out for her. In this video, it appears that Chris has further decorated the Gitar since he [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|first introduced it]] in October 2008.
*It appears again when Chris [[100 2266|cosplays as Grimace.]]
*He occasionally mimes out the main guitar riff in his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend" video.]]

==Guitar Hero III version==
<center><gallery>
Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|Quietly confident.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|The funny thing is, there are no guitar solos in the song "Holding Out For a Hero"... at all.
Image:CWCShred.jpg|Not even guitar parts, I'm afraid.
</gallery></center>

== Guitar Hero II version ==
<center><gallery>
Image:515-CustomGuitar2.JPG|Closeup of the body. Note how the paint looks like poster paint, since Chris's greasy hands would wipe off watercolor.
Image:516-CustomGuitar3.JPG|Neck of guitar controller. Notice Chris's pic of himself playing guitar is on his guitar on the body AND the fret board. Also, transformation sequence of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
Image:517-CustomGuitar4.JPG|Head. Notice the Sonichu sticker.
Image:514-CustomGuitar1.JPG|Chris showing it off (to himself, at least).
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest]]
* [[Chris and music]]
* [[Guitar Hero]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)

2015-08-26T13:57:18Z

Meester Siemen: Formatting changes

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{DeadLinks}}

[[Image:DVDReleaseCut.jpg|thumb|Because making a homemade DVD about yourself justifies your existence.]]

'''''Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)''''' is [[Chris]]'s famed homemade DVD, featuring various video clips Chris had made before his Internet fame, and his actual, if meager, TV appearances. Despite its title, very little of the material on the DVD was ever featured on TV.

Chris originally sent copies of the DVD only to a select few people, but nevertheless thought him making the DVD was an [[Chris and his Ego|important enough achievement]] to mention repeatedly in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] and elsewhere. He also believed that people would actually be interested in buying a copy along with other merchandise, and even planned a [[Sony|Blu-ray]] release.<ref>[[3 December 2009]]</ref> Suffice to say, the disc was actually burned with a Magnavox DVD recorder out of material that appears to have been transferred off of aged VHS tapes, and doesn't actually approach commercial quality, even if it actually had any interesting content that people would actually pay for. Chris possibly thinks that lack of content and video quality that was abysmal to begin with will mysteriously look better when burned on [[Sonichu 10|hi-def]] discs.

Naturally, since this relic was so profoundly ''important'' in Chris's mind, the [[trolls]] had their curiosity piqued greatly over it. Eventually, a copy was obtained by [[LordSillynipples]] by posing as Chris's childhood friend and first crush, [[Tiffany Robinson]].

After the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], it seems likely that the original copy of the DVD was destroyed.

==Tracklisting==
===''C.W.C. On TV'' Trailer===
To reduce marketing costs, Chris put the trailer for the DVD directly into the DVD. The trailer provides an 8-minute summary of the rest of the features, in case you don't want to melt your brain by actually watching the whole DVD.

===[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|C.W.C. Super Sonic Winner!!!]]===
From 26 February [[1990s#1994|1994]], shortly after Christian's 12th birthday. Anchormen and women on ''[[Wikipedia:WVIR|NBC 29]] [[Wikipedia:Dateline NBC|Dateline News]]'' report him winning a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' contest and earning a $1,000 shopping spree for video games. The pinnacle of Chris's entire existence to date, this event fueled the delusional manchild he is today.

===[[Song of Christian]]===
Filmed on 15 May [[1990s#1998|1998]], when Chris was 16. Presented as an episode of ''The Christian Chandler Show'', Chris gives a dramatic reading of a poem he wrote about himself. He then spends 20 minutes explaining the meaning of each line, about 15 minutes of which is dedicated to him leafing through his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], and the rest dedicated to him raging over the fact that the poem [[Honor roll|got him an "F" in school]].

===[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' LEGO Raceway Prototype]] Animation===

===[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' LEGO Raceway]] Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera===
Filmed on 4 June [[1990s#1998|1998]]. Hey, do you like ''Mario Kart''? Do you like LEGO bricks? Do you like stop-motion animation? More importantly, do you like hearing the same 15-second clip of music played over and over and over while you watch grainy black-and-white 8-bit footage of LEGO men getting into car wrecks? Have we got the clip for you. By the way, LEGO Chris wins the race. [[Chris and his Ego|No surprises there.]]

===[[The City of Cwicville Tour!|Unfinished CWCville Tour]]===
Filmed 12 July [[2000s#2001|2001]]. LEGO Chris gives a tour of his Lego town, passing by 2 landmarks before the video abruptly ends.

===[[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|OH BOY!]]
Filmed 16 October [[1990s#1999|1999]]. An anchorwoman on [[Richmond]] [[Wikipedia:NBC|NBC]] affiliate [[Wikipedia:WWBT|WWBT]] does a fluff piece on the rise of the ''Pokémon'' fandom, Chris happening to be among the small children playing the game. Chris being 17 at the time, years older than the playing crowd, is not discussed. This clip provides the DVD cover with its money line:

{{quote|I'll send out my Dragonair, even though it has 60 Damage on it. Oh boy! It has 3 Energy on it... Slam Attack!}}

===Christian Chandler's [[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]===
Filmed 22 November [[2000s#2003|2003]]. Chris makes an hour-long video of him playing ''Animal Crossing'' that's about as exciting as watching [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|paint]] dry.

===[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special|C.W.C.'s ''Animal Crossing''/''Mario Paint'' 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]===
Filmed on 7 June [[2004]]. Chris plays ''Animal Crossing'' in honor of [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] Chandler's anniversary.

===[[So Need a Cute Girl|"So Need A Cute Girl" Music Video]]===
Filmed 20 [[2004#December|December 2004]]. Chris sings the lead single off [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|his debut album]] in this music video.

===Chris Chan's [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|''Harvey Birdman'' Commercial]]===
Filmed 24 February [[2005]]. Chris enters a contest where the goal is to deliver a creative advertisement for a ''Harvey Birdman'' DVD. He instead blathers on about himself, ''Sonichu'', and Mary Lee Walsh. The time constraints laid out in the contest rules are obvious, as Christian struggles to cram his [[random-access humor]] into a thirty-second soundbite and as a result sounds like the Micro Machines man.

===Chris Chan's [[Pixelated PS3]]===
Filmed on 28 November [[2006]]. Chris enters another contest requiring him to shill a product in under a minute, this time a PlayStation 3. To answer the question "What would you do for a PS3?", Chris first explains everything he would like to do but won't (e.g., save up the money and go to a store), and would but can't (forsake a cure for autism), before revealing that he has constructed a PS3 from LEGOs and [[Pixelblocks]].

===C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics===
Chris films images taken from [[1980s#1982|1982]]-[[2007]]. Meanwhile, the 1998 [[KCWC broadcast]], which gives new insight into Chris's past, is playing in one audio channel in the background, alongside assorted pop songs and his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|first]] album.

===[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]===
Filmed 24 February [[2007]]. Closing the DVD, in celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris delivers an address summarizing the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "ladies and gentlemen and dudes of all teenages."

==Great Director's Cut==
After the DVD was leaked onto the internet, Chris claimed<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009]]</ref> that the trolls didn't have the "Director's Cut", which includes footage of Chris's [[Christmas]] from [[Christmas#2004|2004]] and takes from the [[Pixelated PS3]] commercial. The trolls long thought that the "Director's Cut" was just a bluff he used to save face. That was, until [[December 2014]], when it was revealed that [[Catherine]] acquired a copy and handed over some footage to a CWCki Forums member to upload to YouTube, thus proving its existence.

He later told [[Regina]] that he has a "Master Copy" with over ''6 hours'' of tedious crap.<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref> The fate of this version after the events of [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|10 January 2014]] is unknown.

===[[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Chandler Family Christmas 2004 parts 1 & 2]]===
Filmed on 25 December 2004. Chris videotapes footage around the house while discussing C-Mas. Notable for being made when the hoard was in its infancy.

===[[ChrisAfterChristmas2004|Chris After Christmas 2004]]===
Filmed on 25 December 2004. Chris bitches some more about [[gal-pal]] [[Sarah Hammer]] and the continuation of his [[Love Quest]].

==Possible Sequel==
In an email to [[Cole]], Chris expresses his intention to create a new DVD "around (his) 50th or sooner"<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>. So far, this sequel has not materialized as of [[January 2015]].

==Images from the Physical DVD==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:062-CWCsDVD.jpg|Cover.
Image:DVDReleaseCut.jpg|The cover of the release edition.
Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|And the Director's Cut Edition.
Image:063-1-CWCsDVD Label.jpg|Even DVD labels cannot be spared from the horror.
Image:ChrisDVDCD2.jpg|We asked for a "disc image". The torrent went up later, but this was delivered as a cop-out.
Image:CHRISDVD.jpg|Parental Advisory - VERY HONEST content.
Image:ChrisDVD3.jpg|Chapter menu, complete with Magnavox DVD/VCR styling.
Image:CHRISletter.jpg|Letter to troll who received DVD.
Image:Chrislist1.jpg|''Chandler's List'' - It's like ''Schindler's List'', except you'd want to be sent to a gas chamber.
Image:Chrislist2.jpg|'''Spoiler:''' Most of these people went to school with Chris and probably have no idea who he is.
Image:Chrislist3.jpg|And here's the last page.
Image:Chrispaper1.jpg|"Now I'm even more perverted, sexist, and homophobic."
Image:Chrispaper2.jpg|People who Chris couldn't find pictures of to include - consider yourselves lucky.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/4433832/Christian_Weston_Chandler..._Yep__I_m_On_T.V.___)_DVD Torrent of the DVD]
* [https://ia601502.us.archive.org/11/items/C.W.C.YEPIMONT.V./C.W.C.%20YEP%2c%20I%27M%20ON%20T.V.%20-%29.ISO ISO of the DVD]
* [http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=6581777D1899DCB6 The entire DVD on YouTube.]
* <s>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/dvd/ Contents of DVD slideshow.]</s>
* <s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EL8AHJ8P Slideshow download.]</s>

{{CWC on TV}}

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

Attraction Sign

2015-08-26T13:48:57Z

Meester Siemen: Formatting changes

{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|Chris, talking in third person.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]

The '''Attraction Sign''' was used by [[Chris]] during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Incredibly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting sex with a piece of cardboard has not enticed any ladies to date.

An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman"<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref>, but more information about Chris (and demands about his partner) soon found their way onto the Sign.

__TOC__

==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original Sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and amusing of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign.]]
[[File:Chris holding sign.jpg|thumb|The sign in the field.]]
:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu]]'s face][[Chris and copyright|©]] ➨
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''

Chris had other ideas beyond Signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''

==The Sign in College==
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]]

Many variations on the Sign were produced when Chris was in college, chiefly because [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. During this time, Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new Signs and plastering them all over campus - only to be torn down in turn by Mary.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref> Regardless of Mary's efforts, the Sign required updating annually, since the requisite age of the [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] was invariably 18 to whatever Chris' age was at the time.

<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
</gallery></center>

==Hiatus==
Discouraged by Barb, Chris retired the Sign proper some time before August 2009:

{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}

In spite of this, the Sign would soon make its return in various incarnations.

==Return of the Sign==

In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "'''I Enjoy Vagina'''" and an exposed [[Muscle bra|bra]] saying "'''Want Woman!'''" over [[Obesity|his large gut]], a lazy and frank form of the Sign.<ref name="FAF">[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While this display is (even) less pleasant and more direct than the original Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out-of-touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.

A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract an unfortunate woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and ''throwing it at her''. Combined with the earlier "'''Want Woman!'''" tactic, this caused some [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to devolve into some sort of caveman.

Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris had reverted to the original-style Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that children shouldn't be exposed to him in his [[sports bra]].

On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new Sign that read "[[Homos|'''Friendly and Flirty Man Zone''']]".<ref name="FAF"/> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what seems to be a misguided attempt to look fun and cool.

In a February 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he plans to wear a Sign around his neck that says, "'''If you like me, tell me!'''"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>. Whether or not he actually did this was never documented, but knowing Chris this was certainly not an idle threat.

==Comeback==
[[File:Okcupid 8 jul 2014 4.jpg|thumb|Attraction Sign as of July 2014]]
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status revealed that Chris plans to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]]

{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#I have decided]]</ref>}}

He later revealed in another note that he was lying in a baffling attempt to "troll the trolls".<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref>

==OkCupid and the Sign in 2014==

On [[July 2014]], Chris made a new [[OkCupid]] account, which resulted in a few new photos of him in full [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]] regalia. One horrifying picture shows Chris looking 20 years older than he is and brandishing a new Sign (made out of [[Legos]]) stating "'''HEY LADIES I'M SINGLE PLEASE ASK ME OUT'''". It is unknown if he uses or intends to use this new Sign in public (physically speaking; his OkCupid profile was a public site).<ref>[[OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile]]</ref>

===Chris's Concession===

Chris's 2014 OkCupid account also revealed the fact that he has finally conceded to raise the minimum age of his [[heartsweet]], up to 23, probably having realised the minimum age of 18 was becoming [[Pedofork|very inappropriate]]. However, 23 is still a large disparity with Chris' age when he wrote it (32) and he still absurdly demands his sweetheart be younger than himself, even though he clearly wants them to serve largely as his [[Barbara Chandler|mother figure]].

==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Amnyfest Ring

2015-08-26T13:40:01Z

Meester Siemen: /* Chris and his precious */ clarification on date of trial (e.g. 2012 trial)

[[Image:ECP_00032.jpg|thumb|left|The One TRUE and HONEST Ring.]]
[[Image:126499951987.jpg|thumb|One ring to rule them all.]]
[[Image:Amnyfest.jpg|thumb|And you faggots thought it was his [[medallions|medallion]] that gave him his powers.]]
[[File:Amnyfest.PNG|thumb|[[Beel]] learns the true sources of Chris's powers.]]

{{quote|my POWERS NEVER truly came from the [[Medallion|Medal]]; they came from my High School Ring the WHOLE time. I wore the ring the VERY FIRST TIME I thought of [[Sonichu]] and from then on as well, so there is [[Honest Content|the FACT]].|Chris, 15 [[October 2008]]<ref>[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog#Sonichu Comic #10 Preview]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I want everybody to know that when I am wearing my ring, I am being most [[honest]] and upfront, just like I did when I wore my medallion.|Chris, 9 [[March 2009]]<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref>}}
The '''Amnyfest Ring'''<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 9 October 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>, an egregious mispronunciation of "[[Wikipedia:Amethyst|amethyst]] ring" (as amethyst is [[Chris]]'s [[Wikipedia:Birthstone#Birthstone_lists|birthstone]]<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (24 October 2008)]]</ref>), also known as the '''high school ring'''<ref name="IRC"/><ref>[[CWC Update 4 March 2009]]</ref>, is Chris's fallback source of his powers to counter the victory cries of trolls after his [[Sonichu medallion]] was destroyed by [[Blanca]] on 20 October [[2008]].

The enormous emotional significance that he attaches to it is further evidence that [[The High School Story|Chris cannot move on from high school]].

==Chris and his precious==
The One Ring is engraved with "LANCERS", "CWC", an image of a [[White knight|lancer]] and a coat of arms for the class and school. The amethyst is a galaxy cut on top and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref><ref name="IRC"/>
[[File:possibleamnyfest.jpg|thumb|Approximate appearance of the relic, based on descriptions.]]

The importance Chris gave to his medallion induced trolls to get their hands on it. After Blanca stole and destroyed the medallion in 2008, Chris indicated that the high school ring, not the medallion, is the source of all his powers, and that wearing his ring is sufficient enough to make a video [[TRUE and HONEST]]. After all, he explained, "mine is the ONLY ring of its kind...it has my initials engraved inside it...and it has my birthstone in it."<ref>[[IRC (24 October 2008)]]</ref> Since then, many videos started with Chris briefly showing that he was wearing the Ring, to indicate that it was a TRUE and HONEST video.

Chris considers the ring indisputable proof of his identity, rhetorically asking "WHO ELSE owns the same class ring with the same finger size, engravings and such?"<ref>[[Mailbag 3#In which Chris advises Hitler to keep his Promises]]</ref> The fact that Chris assures himself that nobody could possibly replicate a generic, cheap ring is testament to his feeble grasp of [[reality]].

On 10 [[January 2010]], Chris, for some reason, started wearing the ring around his medallion while calling out [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]].<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref>

Along with the Sonichu medallion, the Amnyfest Ring went on hiatus for much of [[2010]]. (It was theorized that its destruction by a heroic Icelandic troll led to the March/April 2010 [[Wikipedia:Eyjafjallajökull|Eyjafjallajökull]] eruption.) However, Chris reverted to classic form in a video released on 6 [[September 2010]] featuring, among other familiar tics, an emphatic display of the ring.<ref>[[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV]]</ref> He also wore it to his [[This is how the Trial went|2012 trial]], and again in the April [[2013]] "I AM MY OWN FREE BITCH!" photos. It popped up again in the [[autographed photos]] he offered for sale on [[eBay]] in late June [[2014]], proving that it survived his [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]].
[[File:Own free bitch.jpg|thumb|I guess you are.]]
[[File:WedRing.jpg|thumb|...and one for my sweetheart.]]
In late 2014, as-yet-unsourced information revealed that Chris had, unprompted, ''offered to give the amnyfest ring away'' to his [[sweetheart]] [[Catherine]] as a sign of commitment.<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trolling-ethics-debate-thread.6446/page-15#post-438649]]</ref> This new purpose for the ring is connected to Chris's obsession about the symbolic meaning of wedding rings. For example, he drew a picture of himself offering a wedding ring to [[Ivy]]. His drawings of the fantasy weddings of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and himself and Ivy, both featured ring-bearers. He has also been long frustrated that only ''married'' women wear rings, because his [[noviophobia]] makes him afraid that he might get an ass-kicking from a jealous [[JERKS|boyfriend]] if he tries to talk to a woman who has already been purchased. Unsurprisingly, he wants women who are not boyfriend-free to be '''legally required''' to wear rings.<ref>[[Mailbag 55]]</ref> We can surmise that he intended to use the amnyfest ring's power to ensnare Catherine forever. Fortunately for her, she refused it.

However, although Chris has stopped wearing his [[medallion]], this does not appear to be the case with his ring, as he has constantly been seen wearing it through 2014, even at his trial. This is likely because it allows him to be [[Honest Content|TRUE AND HONEST]] without wearing a medallion, which could be because he realizes how ridiculous he looks with it, but is probably because it would ruin his [[Tomgirl Saga|tom-girl]] look (despite it already being ruined by Chris' horrible choices of attire.) Since Chris believes his [[Chris and Religion#Chris the Shaman|magic powers]] stem from the ring, he presumably doesn't feel the need to wear the medallion.

==In the comics==
In [[Sonichu 10]], while [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] was trapped in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] Building, the demon [[Beel]] stole his medallion. All seemed lost, but then Chris discovered that the true source of his power was the amnyfest ring, which he used to regain his medallion and kill Beel.

Chris can also be seen wearing the ring, along with his wedding ring, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]] (Sonichu Comic Special 3).

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.jostens.com/rings/class_rings_lp_hs.html Josten's high school rings] - of which Chris's is most likely one.

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

CWCki Forums

2015-08-26T12:52:32Z

Meester Siemen: Formatting changes and updated all sources to link to their respective posts on the Kiwi Farms as the old source links still linked to the former CWC Forum

{{quote|You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; [[Chris]] has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED [[Homos|HOMO]]!!!! CHRISTIAN IS [[STRAIGHT]]!!!! He gets [[Cakefarts|hard]] over women!! He vomits at [[JERKS|males]]!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia|VA]], himself!!!!

You god damned males make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!!|Chris on 24 August 2013}}

[[File:137704626985.jpg|thumb|400px|This is basically it.]]

The [https://kiwifar.ms/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ '''CWCki Forums'''] is the former name of a web message board previously loosely affiliated with the [[CWCki]]. It is frequented by many of the wiki regulars and other people interested of all things Christorical. Its primary purpose is to allow users to discuss and speculate about Chris, without needing to do so in the [[CWCki:NAF|CWCki talk pages]]. It has received hundreds of thousands of posts on hundreds of different discussion topics about Chris over the years, and currently has thousands of posters, which can cause one to pause and either marvel at the enduring fascination of Chris as a subject matter, wonder who the ''actual'' autists are, or both. Previously existing as a stand-alone board in various iterations, in [[February 2015]] they were absorbed into a larger site re-branded as '''Kiwi Farms''', which focuses on lolcows (people and groups whose eccentric or foolish behavior can be "milked" for amusement and laughs) in general and not just Chris, although he remains the primary draw. The new name comes from [[speech impediment|the way several lolcows mispronounced "CWCki Forums"]] (like how Retsupurae is a mispronounced version of "Let's play").

It is known that Chris was posting on the forum in 2012 under nickname "paintingatree". In his few posts, he generally tried to defend himself under the guise of a remorseful troll. This fact alone, as well as his [[Chris and writing|writing style]] and posting habits (posting rarely, never in the same thread again and never trying to start a conversation with other users) made his presence somewhat a open secret. Surprisingly, Chris registered again under the same nickname in February 2013. He wrote the first post on 23 May, in which he made it clear that it was him. In spite of this, [[Slow-in-the-minds|in other posts he pretended to be someone else.]] As it could be expected, he was trying to defend himself again (mostly from accusations of being [[Homos|homosexual]], since many users, knowing that they're being watched, jokingly concluded that the meaning behind his absurd [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook riddle]] is that Chris wants to [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|come out of the closet]]), and was very rude to the users in almost all of his posts. Being in the process of adding old friends from his [[Manchester High|high school]] on FB, he also asked if anybody found [[Tiffany Gowen]].

It's assumed that Chris lurks on the boards regularly, and screenshots of the forum have appeared on his [[Facebook]] account. His exact motivations for doing this are not clear, but it has been speculated that he intended to use the screen caps as proof of a troll conspiracy including [[Michael Snyder]]. Robert Bell, Chris's lawyer, was apparently unpersuaded by Chris's legal acumen and did not enter any screen caps into evidence.

__TOC__

==Forums structure==
The "Christian Weston Chandler" section of the Kiwi Farms is structured as:

* '''[https://kiwifar.ms/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ Christian Weston Chandler]''' - General discussion and speculation about Chris, his activities, and the world of [[Christory]]. Contains threads for random questions and speculation that is more eccentric or off-topic, such as: "''What if Chris preferred [[April_16_Fetish_Vids#Fanta:_Semen_Flavor|Purple Fanta]]?''"
**'''[https://kiwifar.ms/forums/updates.21/ Updates]''' - Curated posts with the latest news on Chris. Moderator approval for posts is required here, and only staff and VIP users can start new threads.
**'''[https://kiwifar.ms/forums/sonichu.20/ Sonichu]''' - Discussion of the [[Continuity_in_the_Sonichu_comics|Sonichu canon]].

==Chris's posts==
Below are the posts Chris wrote under pseudonym paintingatree between 23 May and 2 September 2013. Unfortunately, all of his posts from the old Forumer incarnation from 2012 seem to be lost. Chris's posts are in blue, while posts in threads he was responding to are in red.

===Re: DreamHost and a possible migration===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Marvin » Wed May 22, 2013 1:00 am'''
Uhh, all the cool kids use linode. Also, I'd whatever the whatever you're asking us to whatever, but I'm too drunk to do it properly and/or usefully right now, so, maybe when I'm sober.|Marvin <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65466]</ref>}}

And then, [[Pokémon|a wild Chris-Chan appears]]:

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Thu May 23, 2013 7:36 am'''
Why don't you and that damn [[Cwcki]] just go ahead and die off the [[Internet]] already so I can finally find some peace of my life? <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65470]</ref>}}

He received thanks from 22 users (and still counting) for this post.

===Re: Should Chris Consider Dating A 'Special' Girl?===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Thetan » Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:42 pm'''
Rather than constantly whining about how lonely he is, Chris should consider revising his sweetheart standards. He has set the bar far too high for himself. He couldn't even make things work out with Faeryn or The Wallflower.

Chris could do well with a 'special' girl: potentially someone mildly mentally retarded who enjoys the same childish things he does. They could enjoy each other's company, coloring and watching cartoons together. As long as they don't have unprotected sex, I don't see a problem with this type of relationship.

Such a person may actually find Chris interesting, look up to him, and hang onto his every word. The relationship would not only alleviate his loneliness, but be good for his ego as well.|Thetan <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:48 pm'''
In response to your question, I ask you a question. Would YOU, in full honesty, full truth, in your right mind, at all, date a "Special Girl"? How would you feel if you woke up the next morning with droning moaning and blather coming from the face next to you?<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/page-6#post-77414]</ref>}}

===Re: Tiffany Gowen===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:20 pm'''
Hey, whatever happened to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]]? Didn't she get [[Merried Seinor Comic|married]] or something? Like, dude, where did she go; has anyone found her?<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-2#post-70608]</ref>}}

Most noteworthy response:

{{quoteboxred|'''by applecat » Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:14 am'''
I found her! It was tough because she didn't have a Facebook, but I made sure to send her a link to the CWCki so she would know to stay away from that horrible man. She was very disappointed in him, but she thanked me for the tip-off. That's one more gal-pal safe from Chris!|applecat <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-3#post-70624]</ref>}}

===Re: I had a conversation with my wife about Christian.===
{{quoteboxred|'''by The Dude » Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:41 am'''
I've told her a little about Christian back in the day, but haven't told her about any of the recent stuff like Tomgil, running over Snyder, stuff like that.

The conversation went like this:

Me: So let's have a hypothetical.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Let's say something happens to me and we're no longer together. For sake of argument let's say I died.

Mrs. Dude: Oh no!

Me: So I'm dead and gone, and you're single again. Enough time has passed that you want to get back out and find another man.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Now here's the rub; the only guy who wants to date you is fat, balding, doesn't bathe, has no job, dresses like a girl, and lives with his mother in a hoarded house. He also shits himself when he's upset.

Mrs. Dude: Ew! EEWWWWW!!!

Me: What do you do?

Mrs. Dude: Tell him to stay away and strongly consider becoming a lesbian.

Me: A wise choice.

Mrs. Dude: There's someone out there that you know about who fits that exact description, isn't there?

Me: Remember that guy I told you about on the internet? The guy I showed you the videos of him having a singing battle with my friend?

Mrs. Dude: The autistic kid with the fucked up Sonic thing?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: He SHITS himself?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: Oh my...why? That's just grody! EW! EEWWWW!!

Me: I know.

Do you ever have conversations with anyone about Chris? How have they gone?|The Dude <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:56 pm'''
You, sir, are NOT married; you are making as much fabrication up as Chris would. Your post is a fraud; you will never change my mind; You Are Pathetic. Ha. Ha. Ha. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/page-2#post-107433]</ref>}}

===Seriously? No one wants to finish [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Chris' Puzzle]]?===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:08 pm'''
You all aren't even going to figure the Links between the photos? I mean, I don't think they have the same common thread, but one still links to the other. The lemon cake is a favorite food of businesswomen, and Cuban is a businessman. A bakery in Delaware highly recommends lemon and almond cookies. Delaware Bue Hens; hens on a farm with tornados. It's not totally rocket science. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/seriously-no-one-wants-to-finish-chris-puzzle.1725/]</ref>}}

===Re: Chris likes [[Manchester_High_School#Go_Lancers.21|the lancers]] on facebook.===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:10 pm'''
Oh, for God's Sake!!! [[Chris and sex|Did Chris not make it clear enough time and again that he is in Absolute Fact Fucking Straight?! He gets a hard on with a Woman! He gets Pukey Sick when seeing topless males! He freaking wears a bra to cover his own shame! He gets a hard on with WOMEN!!! Stop Mislabeling the Straight Man Already!!!]]

BTW: Cuban was born in Pittsburg; Pirates roam the seas with the Mayflower; there is a photo of Chris wearing a Pittsburg Pirates Cap. Also, when you want to call him Stupid, do not mislabel him there either!

[[Chris and hypocrisy|You all are pathetic, stupid, no ounce is common sense or intelligence at all!]] I do not know why I keep following you all at all!

Break Up the whole Group here already!!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-likes-the-lancers-on-facebook.1713/page-9#post-106963]</ref>}}

===Christian Weston Chandler is STRAIGHT!!!!===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 24, 2013 1:59 pm'''
You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; Chris has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED HOMO!!!! CHRISTIAN IS STRAIGHT!!!! He gets hard over women!! He vomits at males!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, himself!!!!

You god damned [[JERKS|males]] make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/christian-weston-chandler-is-straight.1760/]</ref>}}

===September 2 FB update; New Troll to "Welcome"===

Just after revealing himself in his previous post, Chris acts as if nothing happened. Instead of [[Calling Out|encouraging his trolls to harrass his perceived enemies]] directly in a quoted FB post, he does it by pretending to be one of them... and fails.

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Sep 2, 2013 9:22 am'''
He has posted Publically, and I quote:

I have just been intercepted by a Manajerk and an Offline Troll/Bully. Her name is [REDACTED]; works within the Mal-Wart region. Every Troll/Cyber-Bully should contact her at her email address of [REDACTED], and remind her that no one is to mess with an Autistic Person when they are in a depressed, sad, angry or foul mood, especially with the online reputation that was dragged through the worst mud, muck and bodily fluids that said Autistic Person has, and if his hatred of the XBox brand, and the number of Trolls that populate half to three-quarters of that brand, stand in the way of the foul mood, then that is Microsoft's Freaking Problem!

Yes! Let's Bother The Hell Out Of the Manajerk, and Give Her the Worst Day of Her Life!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/september-2-fb-update-new-troll-to-welcome.1805/]</ref>}}

===Bann has happened again===
Chris again requests for a trolling plan to troll Ms.Manajerk which is according to his [[Facebook#Chris_Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]], ignoring the '''No trolling plans''' rule again.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 1:00 pm'''
Ha! I sincerely do not find anything credible about this forum that makes it Not-Trolling. We really should Troll (name redacted) now that she has followed in [[Michael Snyder]]'s steps now. She deserves revenge in Chris' name. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/bann-has-happened-again.1851/]</ref>}}

===YOU ALL DO NOTHING BUT CONTINUE TO TROLL PEOPLE!!!===
After getting the responses he doesn't desire, Chris then tard rages and shows off his huge [[Chris and his ego|ego]] about how [[Chris and copyright|taking his words and content without permission or consent is trolling and cyber-bullying.]] Again, he pretends as if he is not Chris at all.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 9:02 pm'''
IF this was NOT a Trolling Forum, you all would NOT be talking at all about Christian. [[Chris and his ego|The more you talk about him, AND bother him in ANY Communications, AND take his words and content without permission or consent, THE MORE YOU BASTARDS ARE SO TROLLING AND CYBER-BULLYING!!!]]

DESTROY THIS FORUM AND THE DAMN CWCKI NOW!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/you-all-do-nothing-but-continue-to-troll-people.1855/]</ref>}}

==Gallery of screencaps Chris took of the CWCki forum and posted on [[Facebook]]==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Readinposts.PNG|Chris mocks board regular "Lucrid" and assures us the [[JenkinsJinkies]] sodomy story was made up.
File:Koreans.PNG|Chris denigrates Korean cuisine due to a misunderstanding.
File:No_trolling_plans.jpg|"No Trolling Plans"; Who the f*** are they kidding?" - [[Facebook#No_trolling_plans|Chris, over Facebook]]
File:CWCKiForumsPoll.jpg|Right; I'm ugly as hell. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>
</gallery>
</center>
[[Category: Websites]]

==See also==
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Trollin' Train]]
* [[Sonichu Girls]]
* [[GameFAQs]]

==References==
<references/>

==External link==
*[https://kiwifar.ms/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ CWCki forums]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004

2015-08-26T12:09:38Z

Meester Siemen: Formatting changes

'''ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004''' is a 13-minute video filmed by [[Chris]] on [[Christmas|25]] [[December 2004]]. The first part was leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]] on 21 [[December 2014]] while the second on 24 [[December 2014]]. In the first part, Chris shows off his presents and [[14 Branchland Court]] while the second part features Chris (then age 22) opening some presents with [[Bob]] (77) and [[Barb]] (63). One of the most infamous parts of the video features Bob reading a card from Chris which is all about the [[Love Quest]] and not the holiday. Also noteworthy is Bob and Barb's demeanor - they sound outright ''depressed'' here, almost as if it dawned on them that this is how their adult son is behaving, and will continue to behave for the rest of his life.

Chris's choice of gifts is particularly unusual - Chris takes great pride in presenting his mother with the iconic snowglobe of fail and a Hamtaro toy (the toy is broken, as it was apparently the last one in the store). For his father, Chris offers a "choice" between ''Fraggle Rock'' on VHS, or ''Fraggle Rock'' on DVD. Why Chris believes that a 77-year-old world music collector would be particularly interested in a live-action puppet show aimed at children is not made clear. Note that Bob's "choice" here means very little - Bob decides on the DVD, but ultimately accepts the VHS after some pressure from Chris, suggesting that Chris intends to keep the DVD version for himself.

This video, like [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]], is actually from the Director's Cut version of the "[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]" DVD. It is also one of the rare glimpses we've seen of the Chandler living room in its less cluttered state.

__TOC__

==Part 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|O-MJoRzifVk}}
| stardate = [[December 2004|25 December 2004]]
| subject = {{Other|[[C-Mas]]}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part_2|ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 Part 2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
--Scene 1--
 ''(A TV in the background can be heard playing [[Wikipedia:A Christmas Story|A Christmas Story]].)
 '''Chris:''' 'Twas Christmas Day, and all through the house, the creatures that were stirring were my family, and me, and our two cats.
 ''(camera pans around the junk in Chris's room)''
 We enter Christmas Day in my bedroom of wonderous... fun. 'Cause we have plenty of stuff around the house. On this day of.... Hwey-zeus's birth, upon the, uh, arrival of my doorstep, we find... a Snoopy house.
 ''(camera zooms in on a toy Snoopy doghouse sitting on Chris' bed, which plays "Jingle Bells" when Chris activates it. The music plays throughout the rest of the scene)''
 There we go.
 ''(camera pans across the bed to a SpongeBob SquarePants action figure)''
 SpongeBob SquarePants! ''(Chris poorly imitates SpongeBob's laugh)'' And a tower of gifts.
 ''(camera pans to a copy of "Sonic Advance 2")''
 And a Game Boy Advance title.
 ''The camera turns around as if to leave.''

--Scene 2--
 ''We enter another room, with the camera focused on the Chandlers' Christmas tree. The doghouse is playing short snippets of assorted Christmas music throughout the scene.''
 '''Chris:''' And we wander upon our wondrous Christmas tree, with a star that was made so delicately. Delicately... and creatively.
 ''(the camera zooms in on the tree's star, which is a [[rainbow]]-colored paper cutout, with Sonichu and Chris drawn on it)''
 With Pokemon hanging about.
 ''(pan to a small wrapped present hanging in the tree)''
 And a Christmas present that was supposed to be for the girlfriend that Santa brought, but unfortunately... she didn't show. Well, upon this wonderal Christmas Day, we see our two cute cats.
 ''(Chris walks over past the fridge to where a cat is lying on the floor)''
 Hey, Desi. Desi! Eeeyeah. our cat's Desi.
 ''(Chris starts to leave)''
 And Lucy's around somewhere.

--Scene 3--
 ''Christmas music plays on the hi-fi in this scene. Chris walks into the cluttered kitchen where Bob is preparing his breakfast.''
 '''Chris:''' And now we wander in on my family! Say hello, Father!
 '''Bob:''' ''(continuing to unwrap his food)'' Uh, yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Makin' my Christmas movie!
 '''Bob:''' I say you're wasting your chip.
 '''Chris:''' But I'm going to put it onto VHS anyway.
 '''Bob:''' I see. All right.
 ''(Chris forges onward past Bob, through the proto-hoard, to focus the camera on a smaller electric Christmas tree.)''
 '''Chris:''' A smaller Christmas tree down here.
 ''(The camera pans left into a dark, Stygian abyss)''
 And our mother's asleep here in the dark area.
 ''(Chris turns back to his father)''
 Would you care to share a Merry Christmas with the world, Father?
 '''Bob:''' ''(still preparing his breakfast)'' Ho ho ho. I gotta share some breakfast.
 '''Chris:''' Yup! You're having a great start.
 '''Bob:''' ''(finished unwrapping his French toast and now rummaging around for some plastic utensils)'' Yup, found one.

--Scene 4--
 ''Chris is in the stairwell of 14BC, which is separated by a curtain from the rest of the house. He climbs the stairs while pointing the camera back down the way he came, then turns and focuses on his other cat.''
 '''Chris:''' As we venture our way back upstairs to our room for breakfast and mirth, we find our other sweet cat, little miss Lucy. Hello sweetheart! Would you care to meow for your worldwide audience?
 ''(Lucy studiously ignores Chris)''
 Come on, sweet kitty! Meow! Meeeow! What, are you camera-shy? 'Cause you look good on video.
 ''(Lucy continues ignoring Chris and grooms herself)''
 Haha! You're such a sweet kitty.

--Scene 5--
 ''Chris is back in the same room as scene 3. Barb has emerged from the unfathomable darkness and installed herself on the orange couch at the back of the room.''
 '''Chris:''' Now the family is up and about! Especially my mother!
 ''(Chris walks up to Barb's couch)''
 Hello, Mother! Would you care to say something to the entire world?
 '''Barb:''' Merry Christmas.
 '''Chris:''' Yup! ''(pans up to the window, where one of the cats is sitting)'' This is Lucy in the window! I got you earlier, Lucy, but now you're sitting majestically on your windowsale! ... Hey Dad, look what I got!
 ''(The camera turns to Bob, who is now sitting down in a chair)''
 '''Bob:''' What's that? ''(Chris waves the Snoopy toy from Scene 1 at him)'' Looks like Snoopy.
 '''Chris:''' ''(fumbling with the toy)'' Yeah. Here, let's-- here, watch this, Father. ''(Chris activates the toy and it plays "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")'' It pops its head out... plays music.
 '''Bob:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Givin' you a little (gift?).
 '''Bob:''' Yeah.

==Part 2==
{{Infobox/video
| name = ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|f7YkDa2QpC4}}
| stardate = [[December 2004|25 December 2004]]
| subject = {{Other|Christmas}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part_1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 Part 1]]
| next = [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
 ''The scene is the upstairs kitchen in 14BC. Chris and Barb are sitting close together at a little table with its own miniature tree, while Bob sits in his own chair on the other side of the tree.''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah OK yeah, it's recording. So, here we are around the Christmas tree! We're going to open presents!
 '''Bob:''' ''(utterly deadpan)'' Hooray hooray.
 '''Chris:''' OK well first off I have a card for my family. Here, Father, you ope-- you read the card. (hands Bob the card)
 '''Bob:''' ''(accepting the card)'' I see.
 '''Barb:''' Why don't you open some of your gifts, Christian?
 '''Chris:''' I'll wait... I'll wait.
 '''Barb:''' You--
 '''Chris:''' It's OK, I'll wait.
 '''Barb:''' It'll take a long time.
 '''Chris:''' Nah, it won't take that long.
 ''(Bob has meanwhile finished opening the envelope and removing the card)''
 '''Bob:''' Am I supposed to read it?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, read it.
 '''Bob:''' Am I supposed to read it out loud?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Read- read- read it to Mom.
 '''Bob:''' ''(reading)'' "I want to thank you all for your support and love throughout my fantastic... love quest" *phooey!* "And if Santa doesn't bring me... one... (no Chris-- no comment??)" ''*pause, exasperated sigh*'' "... like I asked him, then I'm going to need some support finding a boyfriend-free girl" ''(Bob laughs while reading that phrase)'' it'll come, Christian, "hope you all... like my... presents."
 '''Barb:''' OK.
 '''Bob:''' ''(continuing reading)'' "Today I'm thinking of Christmas and remembering you all. Merry Christmas, Christian C."
 '''Chris:''' Yup! All right, Father, first I'll give you presents, well first you've got to choose, uh, they both have the same content ''(Bob leans forward and tosses the card onto the table)'', since you choose whether you want it on DVD or VHS.
 '''Bob:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' They have everything the same thing except the VHS is recorded off of the DVD. So... which one you want, VHS or DVD?
 '''Bob:''' No, no, I'll take DVD, I don't like VHS much.
 '''Chris:''' Really?
 '''Bob:''' DV-- I mean VHS.
 '''Chris:''' So you want the VHS?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Here you go. ''(hands Bob a gift-wrapped VHS tape)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm not much for... that other... DVD.
 '''Barb:''' Why do you have it on both? (?)
 '''Chris:''' I gave him a choice, remember? You remember he originally wanted DVD? ... It's Fraggle Rock, Father, that's what's on there.
 '''Bob:''' I see. ''(Bob starts halfheartedly trying to unwrap the VHS)''
 '''Chris:''' Everything that's on the DVD is on that VHS.
 '''Bob:''' VHS works better in my system.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ''(putting the DVD copy aside)'' Here, I'll just add that to my collection later.
 '''Bob:''' I cain't get it open.
 '''Barb:''' That's alright. ... We're fine.
 '''Chris:''' ''(reaching down and picking up a present which he hands to Barb)'' Here Mom, I picked this out for you. ''*sigh*'' I'll just get this one that's, uh, in the bag here. ''(Chris rummages around under the tree and comes up with a plastic shopping bag)''
 '''Bob:''' You used up all the tape.
 '''Chris:''' Not *all* the tape, Father.
 '''Bob:''' 'Most all of it.
 ''(Chris pulls out a Lego set from the bag and sets it on the table right in front of Barb)''
 '''Chris:''' Snowboarding stuff!
 '''Barb:''' Let's put it on the floor.
 '''Chris:''' Yup.
 '''Bob:''' ''(turning over the VHS in his hands)'' It's got all the Fraggles, huh?
 '''Barb:''' You can open another one.
 '''Chris:''' I'll wait.
 ''(Bob puts the wrapping material on the table with a stress sigh)''
 '''Bob:''' I like the Fraggles.
 '''Chris:''' Maybe I'll do this one.
 '''Bob:''' Fraggles are cute.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, they ARE cute. Anyway, your item is-- your thing is in the box, Mom. I fit it in the box with some cardstock paper. But it just (slides?) apart. ''(Chris puts some dilapidated miscellaneous packaging on the table and hands Barb a plush doll)'' *in a revolting baby-talk voice* Have you-- I got you Hamtaro.
 '''Barb:''' Oh... that's cute.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Barb:''' Thank you.
 '''Bob:''' Who is he?
 '''Chris:''' ''(still baby-talking)'' It's a Hamtaro. He's a widdle hamstuh.
 '''Bob:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' ''(dialing the revoltingness up to 11 on his baby talk)'' He's a widdle itty bitty hamstuh!
 '''Bob:''' ''(opening another present)'' This would be no good no more anyway.
 '''Barb:''' (???)
 '''Chris:''' Oh, that's my present for Sarah. I, 'cause, you know, she-- she might come over.
 '''Bob:''' Don't know if she will or not.
 '''Chris:''' Well she did last year, remember?
 ''(Barb gathers up the used wrapping paper and clears it away - presumably depositing the sediments directly into one of the lower strata of the Hoard. There are a few seconds' silence.)''
 '''Bob:''' Fraggle Rock.
 '''Chris:''' ''(perhaps referring to Sarah's present?)'' Britney Spears!
 '''Bob:''' Good old Fraggle people.
 '''Chris:''' ''(rummaging around under the tree)'' This one.
 '''Bob:''' ''(putting the bootleg Fraggles VHS on the table)'' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' Here you go, Father, Fraggles on VHS.
 '''Bob:''' You can keep Fraggle Rock... in your DVD player.
 '''Chris:''' ''(opening a present)'' Oh, you found it, Mom. It's great. Thank you!
 '''Barb:''' You're welcome.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmm. ''(Chris throws an arm over Barb's shoulder in a hug, but accidentally drops something?)'' Here... whoops, I'm sorry.
 '''Barb:''' Don't hurt my head.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. Well, here, I got this for both of y'all. Here Mom, you open this one since Father opened the card. ''(Chris rummages around while Barb begins opening the present)'' I bought it over at Wal-Mart and then I, uh, assembled it. And by the way, the box in there is about the same deal as, uh, Hamtaro there. After you unwrap the present, and (???) the paper there...
 '''Bob:''' I don't know where my Christmas CDs are. We got a couple.
 '''Chris:''' You want music? Here you go! ''(Chris turns on the electronic tree's music, which plays assorted carols throughout the rest of the scene)'' I think you-- I think you all will really like what I got here. Oh, yeah, I taped these two boxes together here...
 ''(Chris barges his hand right into whatever Barb is unwrapping, and Barb protests)''
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Bob:''' I've lost track of where all my music is.
 ''(Barb finishes unwrapping the present)''
 '''Chris:''' Snow globe! With me in it!
 '''Barb:''' Merry Christmas, Robert.
 '''Chris:''' It's also got-- it's also got Sonichu in it, look. See? Me on side, Sonichu on the other.
 '''Barb:''' That's true.
 '''Chris:''' I got it over at Wal-Mart. The snow globe.
 '''Bob:''' How about that.
 '''Barb:''' And you had your... picture. That's neat.
 '''Bob:''' No, no.
 '''Chris:''' Yup.
 '''Bob:''' ''(chuckling)'' Hope it's waterproof in there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ''(picks up and shakes the snow globe to demonstrate)'' And it's got-- the pho, photos are in a-- are behind a plastic. I mean-- ''(turns the snow globe upside-down and starts removing the bottom)''
 '''Barb:''' Don't open it, don't open it.
 '''Chris:''' You see, the bottom is removable. See?
 '''Bob:''' Well... we know that.
 '''Chris:''' See? Look at that, see? There's a slide here.
 '''Bob:''' Oh. So they're waterproof.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they're fine.
 '''Bob:''' That's a good idea.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got that o-- I got that snow globe over at Wal-Mart. ... All right, well let's see what's in this one. ''(starts opening a present)'' I picked that one out special for y'all, that card. Let's see what's in here! Look! It's an Autobot!
 '''Bob:''' An Autobot?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Didn't know they were that fancy.
 '''Chris:''' Well these guys are.
 '''Barb:''' The Transformer.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Boy, they sure got fancy over the years.
 '''Chris:''' Yup, they sure did. ''(Chris places the unwrapped Transformer on the table and rummages around under the tree again)'' And one last present! It's a big one. ''(unwraps)'' And then I got another Autobot and a Decepticon!
 '''Bob:''' Hooray.
 '''Barb:''' Very good. Yay, Merry Christmas. ''(claps)''
 '''Chris:''' Yay, Merry Christmas to you all, I mean I got you all a snow globe
 '''Bob:''' Careful with that cord.
 '''Chris:''' ''(switching back to baby talk)'' I got you all a snow globe. And a video, and a little hamstuh. You like the hamstuh, Mommy?
 '''Barb:''' Yeah. I think it's broken.
 '''Chris:''' Um, it-it c-- it came that way. It was the last one they had. That's no problem, 'cause you know it can still stand.
 '''Barb:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' It's not like it's gonna leak.
 '''Barb:''' Yeah, okay. That's cool. Yeah, that's neat. Merry Christmas.
 '''Chris:''' Yup, Merry Christmas!
 '''Barb:''' Yeah, now we'll go back downstairs, (work to be done??)
 '''Bob:''' Have a snappy New Year.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, snappy New Year, huh?

{{CWC on TV}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-25]]

KCWC broadcast

2015-08-26T11:59:59Z

Meester Siemen: Added missing "CWC on TV" Navigation template for easier navigation and made some formatting changes.

The '''[[KCWC]] broadcast''' is a taped "radio broadcast" that was included as the soundtrack for the slideshow portion of [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]].

This "broadcast" is notable for Chris's childlike behavior, with [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]] humoring him like a 6-year-old by pretending to "call in" to request a song for [[Bob]]'s 71st birthday. Keep in mind that this was made when he was ''16'' years old, in his junior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]] and when he first began [[mass debating]]. Also, many of the songs he plays are from random [[video games]]. Though many video games do have catchy themes, they would never be played over the radio. Besides that, the only other songs Chris plays are from Disney movies or old songs no teenager has probably ever heard of outside school plays, all from the 1930s to 1950s by artists such as [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frank Sinatra]], and from musicals like ''[[Wikipedia:Oklahoma!|Oklahoma!]]'', ''[[Wikipedia:Show Boat|Show Boat]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Guys and Dolls|Guys and Dolls]]''. We can probably thank Bob for [[Chris and music#Musical tastes|Chris's musical tastes]].

The broadcast has several special "guests," notably ''[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|Alvin and the Chipmunks]]'', as well as [[Wikipedia:Myles Standish|Myles Standish]], who, after riding on board [[Daniel Weston|the Mayflower]] to the [[United States of America|new world]], has anachronistically become a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' fan.

Also, on the DVD cover, Chris incorrectly says that this was taped in August [[1997]]. This is impossible, as there is a commercial on this tape for ''[[Wikipedia:Cousin Skeeter|Cousin Skeeter]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:The Wild Thornberrys|The Wild Thornberrys]]'' toys from Burger King. Both of these shows premiered on [[Wikipedia:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] in September [[1998]]. Furthermore, Bob wouldn't turn 71 until this month.

It is worth noting that Chris doesn't let the broadcast end properly during the slideshow. Instead, he stops playing it in the middle of the last song, and pads out the rest of the soundtrack time with his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|debut music album]], alongside other pop cuts. After "For You I Will" by Monica, Chris pads out even more time by playing his [[FUTURE MESSAGE]].

__TOC__

==Audio==
===Part I===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|S-jRds729ZI}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
'''Chris:''' [''whispering''] Quiet, we're on the air. [''pause; Chris then poorly imitates the NBC chimes''] BA-KOW...! [''singing''] Ba ba ba bum, it's time to open up that radio station. It's that cool radio station. Here it is, station K-C-W-C! And here is your host, with the most, ''Christian Chandler!'' [''to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut"''] Ba-da-da-dum-bum, da-bum!

[''tape skips between recording'']

'''Chris:''' Good morning, [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|guys, gals, and dudes of all ages]]! This is your host Christian Chandler here on everything KCWC. You know I usually wake up [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|a little cranky]] in the morning when I wake up, 'cause you know it's six o-clock in the morning. But this morning I feel like [[Chris and Ego|I own the world]], I can do anything I want. So this morning we're gonna start us off with a little ditty from ol' [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frankie Sinatra]]. This song is titled [''bad singing voice''], "I Got the World on a Stri-i-ing." [''normal voice''] That's a real good song, y'know? So take it away, Frankie, and get [[Red String of Fate|that string]] wrapped around on your finger, we're also gonna have some rain! [''Chris laughs'']

[''tape skips again'']

[''Frank Sinatra's version of "[[Wikipedia:I've Got the World on a String|I've Got the World on a String]]" plays'']

'''Chris:''' Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Well, I got more to come along with more tunes and all that, 'cause you're listening to everything KCWC. Before we release the next song, I happen to have a guest star in the studio with me, you wanna know who he is? I'll tell ya, here he is, ol' [[Wikipedia:Chico Marx|Chico Marx]], let's give him a big hand! [''Chris claps as the tape stops'']

[A recording of [[Wikipedia:Chico Marx|Chico Marx]] appearing on radio show ''The Fitch Bandwagon'' plays, after Marx does a comedy bit, Skip Nelson's "Velvet Moon" plays.]

[Tape stops and resumes recording with Chris clapping]

'''Chris:''' Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Whattaya say, Chico Marx? How does it feel to be here on station KCWC?

'''Chris:''' [''badly impersonating Chico Marx in a high pitched voice''] Well I must say I feels, it uh-feels to be great here's on this station on the uh-radio. And I really must be going.

'''Chris:''' Oh well, when you gotta go, when you gotta go. Right, Chico?

'''Chris:''' [''in his Chico voice''] That's right, I'll see you later, kids! Bye!

'''Chris:''' O-okay, bye! Well, wasn't he a great guest star folks? But I gotta tell you what now, we had a request just a few minutes ago for a certain song from a certain movie. Well I'm gonna throw a contest [stutters], now I'm gonna throw a surprise, I'm gonna give away a dinner for two at O'Toole's. If anyone can guess which movie this specific song came from. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Remember that number, and I'll take any caller who will call in. I hope somebody who calls in, will win. Okay, take it away mysterious movie!

[Tape stops again and resumes with "[[Wikipedia:Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin'|Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin']]" by [[Wikipedia:Gordon MacRae|Gordon MacRae]] playing. Part one stops in the middle of this song.]

===Part II===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|aNSPbPdcWZo}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
[''"[[Wikipedia:Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin'|Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin']]" by [[Wikipedia:Gordon MacRae|Gordon MacRae]] resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.'']

'''Chris:''' Wasn't that a beautiful song, folks? Oh yes, that was- that song was "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from the famous movie "Oklahoma" and we got a winner here, folks! His name is Fredrick C. Wilberg, and he'll be a wi-he'll get that there out to toe-tools. I hope [[Homos|he and his friend enjoys themselves]], but right now we're gonna cut from the music, and go right to the news!

'''Chris:''' So here it is, take it away, news! [''Chris imitates a radio station's news transition jingle with a series of "do do do do"s before switching to what he believed to be a deeper voice''] Good evening! This is Ted Baxter here with the news. First we will go with our [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|local news]]. Here we are at the [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|Mario racetrack]] where we just had an accident. Mario and Yoshi went bumper-to-bumper and their tires fell off, but don't worry, nothing much though. [[Chris and reality|They just got-they each just got cut on their left knees]], but don't worry, their mommies are taking care of them, and now--and now, and the carts are being pulled away into the cart garage and everthing will be okay soon. As a matter of fact, they're gonna be repaired by noon. [''half-assed laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Anyway, here we go to the weather. Take it away, Weatherboy. [''Chris's voice shifts into a higher pitch, possibly an extremely bad New Jersey accent''] Okay! 'ere we go with the weather! We see the ha-with the-with the-with the local weather! Here in Richmond it is now 89 degrees and partly cloudy, but tomorrow it's gonna be different. Actually, tonight, it'll be 91 degrees and, uh, there will be no rain. No rain, but it will be perfectly clear, and uh, tomorrow, it will be 91 degrees and, well, perfectly sunny, but we're maybe due for a shower though as a 30% chance. Back to you Ted.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris shifts back into his news caster voice''] Okay Weatherboy, and now we're gonna go to a bank robbery that just happened right now. Take it away Copter 1.

[''He assumes the voice of the fabled Helicopter pilot above the bank robbery scene'']

'''Chris:''' This is Copter 1, reporting live in a chase scene. We're chasing the burglar from the bank-which has escaped from the bank right now with five million dollars. I'm here with the bank manager, and I'm gonna get a word from him-what he thinks about this. Tell me, mister bank manager, what do you think about this?

[''Chris's voice attempts a deep and husky voice, possibly that of a middle-aged man'']

'''Chris:''' I think it is very bad of this man to steal $5 million from my own bank! As a matter of fact, I'm offering a [[Chris and money|$1,000 reward]] to anyone who captures this criminal who's taken my five mills. Why am I not going to give away a $5 million reward you ask? Well, we need the money, daggat's for sure. Heheh. Anyway that's all I have to say. I hope you catch 'em.

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' ...And there we have it! Back to you, Ted.

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Okay, you keep uh, following that burglar now. By the way, did you get his license number?

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Oh yeah, that's right! His license number is 3C54.

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you very much. Okay, and we got also got a sports game to report before we go back to the music. We got the Pittsburgh Pirates- we had the baseball game today here in Chicago, between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Chicago White Sox, and the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the White Sox with a difference of 3 points. This is unbelievable. 50 to 53. In the Pittsburgh Pirates' favor. Now isn't that a funny thing though. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

'''Chris:''' Okay! Before we go back to the tunes, we're gonna take a little commercial break right now. So and so just relax and everything will be fine.

[''The recording cuts to the audio of a commercial for [[Obesity|Goldfish snack crackers, followed by a Burger King commercial]] for Cousin Skeeter, The Journey of Allen Strange and The Wild Thornberrys toys, an advertisement for Space Ghost's Surf 'n' Turf CD/cassette, a National Geographic commercial, and a Cow and Chicken ad.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, welcome back to the tunes. You're listening to the station everything KCWC, and right now we're gonna play a little something for those who love video games. We're gonna play the Mario Kart 64 theme, and because that theme is a short song, we're also gonna throw in some "Circuit Select" songs. And you know why we're throwing this in? Because Mario Kart 64 is a great game and we happen to like it too. As a matter of fact, we even have it, and we've played it. So take it away, Mario Kart 64! Ha-ha.

[''The recording cuts once again to Mario Kart 64's Circuit Select music, as well as its theme for the next two minutes until it is cut off by the end of part two.'']

===Part III===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part III
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tAVkrAdqrYU}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
[The ''Mario Kart 64'' Circuit Select theme resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.]

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EVERYTHING station KCWC. And uh, during that ''Mario Kart 64'' song, we got a request from a little young boy of uh five years old. His name is, uh, Christopher Chandler. He's a first-time caller, but a long-time listener. He put in a request for a theme-for the theme song of a very famous [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game for the [[Wikipedia:Sega Genesis|Sega Genesis]]. So I'm gonna throw in another contest. The prize this time is a game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. If anyone call in and guess the name of the game that this song came from-it is in the handsong and it is the theme song of that game. Anyway, if anyone can call in and guess the name of the game, I'll give them the game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC, and I'll take ANY caller who can call-who'll call in and give the right answer. Okay, so take it away, Sonic the Hedgehog, and I hope somebody wins.

[tape stops and leads to the theme song of "Sonic and Knuckles"]

[tape stops and Chris resumes speaking]

'''Chris:''' And you are listening to everything KCWC. And that song was the "Sonic and Knuckles" theme song. And we got a winner here, folks. His name is [[Wikipedia:Myles Standish|Myles Standish]]. And he told me to tell you the he was one of the members of a s- one of the Sonic the Hedgehog website on the [[Internet]]. By the way, speaking of which, I've also wanted to play that Sonic & Knuckles song because I heard that there were a lot of sites on the Web created by lots of Sonic the Hedgehog fans. Anyway, Myles Standish has won that, uh, game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course, so he and a friend of his can enjoy themselves for a game at Putt-Putt Golf Course. Anyway, uh, nuh, anyway, enough of the video games. I'm gonna play...I'm gonna nuh, the next selection that I'm gonna play is, uh another Frank Sinatra number called "[[Wikipedia:Love and Marriage|Love and Marriage]]". And boy, that is an institute you can't disparage. Oh by the way, just to let you know, it's 9:30 a.m. Now I wanted to mention that. Anyway, uh, take it away, Frankie!

[tape stops and "Love and Marriage" by Frank Sinatra plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

'''Chris:''' You are listening to station KCWC. Everything! And wasn't that a great song, folks? Now right now, we're gonna play another song, except this time we're gonna play a little [[Christmas]] song. As a matter of fact, I have a guest star, as a matter of fact, three guest stars here who happen to have sang that song. Can you guess who they are? [pause] I'll tell you then! It's [[Wikipedia:Alvin and the Chipmunks|:Alvin and the Chipmunks]]. Let's give 'em a big hand!

[Chris claps]

'''Chris as one of the Chipmunks: ''' [indistinct]

'''Chris as another Chipmunk: ''' You said it!

'''Chris as the third Chipmunk: ''' We're going [[Tobacky|smoking]]!

'''Chris: ''' Say, Alvin, how does it feel to be at station KCWC?

'''Chris trying to sound like Alvin: ''' Yeah, it's great, man!

'''Chris: ''' Well, you'd better plug your ears, then, because we're about to play a C--[''Chris's voice gets cut off as part three ends'']

===Part IV===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sNKPhZ2ea_w}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

'''Chris: ''' --[[Christmas|hristmas]] song! I gonna play...[''sings in a sing-song voice''] Over the river and through the woods! You like... ya liked that song, didn't cha?

'''Chris trying to sound like Simon: ''': Yeaaah, I liked it, but I don't think Alvin does cause it didn't feature his hula hoop! ''[Annoying laugh]'' Ah ah ah ahh!

'''Chris: ''' Heh, that's funny, Simon. Well, take it away, ya chipmunks, and ''[indistinct]'' and go to ya grandmudda hou- grandma's house! Ah ah ah!

[tape stops and a chipmunk rendition of "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv4BBori8Ac| Over The River And Through The Woods]" plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

'''Chris: ''' Alright, you're listening to everything KCWC. And wasn't those Chip- wasn't those Chipmunks great? But they had to leave so soon. Oh well, nobody's perfect. Right away, don't forget last summer we got a request from a me- member of the Sonic the Hedg- from one of the Sonic the Hedgehog websites. Her name was Leslie Lioness, and she requested that we play the [[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|''Sonic CD'']] song, "Sonic Boom." And she also requested that we play the long version! So that's what we'll give her, cause we happen to have the copy of the Sega CD game right here. So take it away, Sonic, and give us that booming song! Ah ah!

[tape stops and Pastiche's "[[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|Boom]]" plays]

'''Chris: ''' Alright ya'll listenin to the station everything KCWC, and wasn't that a great song, folks? Get down, man! Heh heh! Well, right now, we're gonna play for you: a Disney song! It happens to be from one of my favorite movies, ''[spoken quickly]'' as you might have guessed, one of the most popular movies, [[Cole_Smithey#Internet_infamy|Toy Story]]! Yeah, that's right, it's that famous song, "[[Wikipedia:You've Got A Friend In Me|You've Got A Friend In Me]]." And boy, wasn't that [[Wikipedia:Buzz Lightyear|Buzz Lightyear]] funny, I mean,

'''Chris trying to sound like Buzz Lightyear: ''' To infinity and beyond!

'''Chris: ''' Ah, ah, well, anyway, take it away, Buzz and [[Duck|Woody]], with that famous song of yours, ah ah!

[tape stops and Randy Newman's "You've Got a Friend in Me" plays]

'''Chris: ''' Now wasn't that a great Disney song, folks? Well, I thought it was great too. But right now we're gonna- take a break from the tunes and take a little commercial break. But first, a word from our sponsor, the ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' show[!

'''Chris trying to sound like Lucy:''' ''Hello friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|Do you poop out at parties?]] Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin. Yes, Vitameatavegamin contains Vitamins Meat Vegetables and Minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to health. All you do is take a great big tablespoonful after every meal. Mmmmmmm..... It's so tasty, too! Mmm! Tastes just like candy! So why don't you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That's Vita-meata-vegamin!

I love Lucy and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. Sometimes we quarrel but then... ha ha ha How we love making up again. Lucy kisses like no one can. She's my Mrs. and I'm her man. Life is heaven you see, Cause I love Lucy, and I love Lucy, and Lucy loves me!!''

'''Chris: ''' Hey there, all you [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|guys, gals, dudes of all ages]]! Well, you're listening to the everything KCWC, this is your host, Christian Chandler, and, uh, before we, emm, announce the next song, we're gonna give you our joke of the day! And this joke comes from, ehh, Christopher Chandler from [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]! And the joke goes like this.

'''Chris as his younger self:''' Why is six afraid of se-

[Chris gets cut off mid-joke as part four ends]

===Part V===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part V
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sw3gT38hJNA}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

'''Chris as his younger self:''' ''[resumes mid-joke from part four into part five.]'' -ven. 'Cuz seven, eight nine!

'''Chris:''' ''[Chris laughs]'' Now that's a pretty funny one! Thank you Christopher Chandler. Anyway, our next song is another Disney song and it is entitled ''[Chris badly sings]'' "Ooh, oopey doo, oobey doo, I wanna be like yo-hoo-hou, wapey do-ee do wah!" from the Jungle Book. Yeah, that's right, the Jungle Book. Okay Tink-okay Kemuway take it away. Oh by the way Luey, I don't want to be like you! ''[Chris laughs]''

''[Tape cuts out in the middle of the recording then resumes]''

''"I Wan'na Be Like You" sung by [[Wikipedia:Louis Prima|Louis Prima]] for the Disney film ''[[Wikipedia:The Jungle Book (1967 film)|The Jungle Book]]'' plays]''

''[Tape cuts back out and in again]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EV'ery thing KCWC. And it is now one-thirty in the afternoon and we're going to-- ''[Chris cuts himself off with vocalized phone rings]'' Uh-oh, gotta call on line one. ''[Bloops and Chris pretends to answer the phone]'' 'Allo! It's your time, what's your rhyme!

'''Barbara Chandler:''' Hello! My name is Barbara Chandler and I'm calling to request a song for my husband for his birthday - ''[Chris interrupts]''

'''Chris:''' No kiddin'.

'''Barbara:''' His name is [[Bob Chandler]] and he's 71 years old today. ''[Chris interrupts]''

'''Chris:''' No kiddin'.

'''Barbara:''' ''[In a very-mildly agitated tone]'' and the song I would like to request is "[[Wikipedia:A Bushel and a Peck|A Bushel and a Peck]]". ''[Chris interrupts for a third time]''

'''Chris:''' A bushel on a peck, an' a hug aroun'da neck for a seventy-one-year-old man. ''[light laugh]''

'''Barbara:''' Ah think so. Thank you very much.

'''Chris:''' ''[Quickly]'' Okay bye.

'''Barbara:''' Bye.

'''Chris:''' Ya heard it righ' here folks a-a request for birfday boy here. So a Happy Birthday goes out to Robert Chandler. And we will p'say "A Bushel and a Peck" from [[Wikipedia:Guys and Dolls|''Guys and Dolls'']].

''[Tape cuts out, then begins playing "A Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls]''

''[Tape cuts back in]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EV'erything [[KCWC]]. And right now we're gonna go down to the top tens- songs. Of them all. Cuz I gotta start up with um'uh-nuh we're gonna start um' right now.

Number Ten is- uh- "[[Wikipedia:Go the Distance|Go the Distance]]" from [[Wikipedia:Hercules (1997 film)|''Hercules'']]. Number Nine is uh- "ccc" from- The Chipmunks. Number Eight is uh- "The Results Theme" from Mario Kart 64. Number Seven is "Saddle Up" is from Virtual Sonic. Number Five is, uh- uh- the uh-Opening theme from Starfox 64. And Number Three is the uh ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog CD| The Palmtreee Panic]]'' background song from the Sonic's CD. And Number Two is "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story. And the number one hit song which we're gon'play up next- uh- "What's More American" sung by Bing Crosby.

Take it away Bing!

''[Tape cuts out at the end of part Five]''

===Part VI===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VI
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mHRCvY9GjhU}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

[''There's a long silence until 00:20 when "What's More American" resumes.'']

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everything KCWC. And right now it is 3 o'clock and we're gonna take a break from the music and get right back to you with the news. Okay, Ted newcaster, take it away!

[''Chris lowers his voice and somehow sounds even more retarded than usual'']

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you, Mr. Chandler! Well first of we're gonna go back to the robbery that's in- that's in- still in progress. Come in copter one.

[''Chris makes noises I presume to be helicopter noises and does the voice for copter one'']

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Here I am in copter one, folks. Again with the bank manager and we're still chasing the robber. And he's on his- he's nearing his hide-out. Okay, here he is parking his car. Getting out of the car with the five million dollars in his suitcase. [inaudible] And luckily I have a police escort with me so we're gonna land now and catch the burglar. Goin' on down now!

[''Chris makes more helicopter noises'']

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Okay, here I am now at the place I'm go in and capture that burglar. Okay, lets go!

[''Chris puts on a deeper, more authoritative voice, presumably pretending to be a policeman'']

'''Chris as policeman:''' Okay, Robber! You got five seconds to get outta there with the five million dollars or we gonna bust on in and get it ourselves. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Okay men, send them in.

[''Chris makes farting noises, attempting to imitate gunshots and the sound of a door being kicked in.'']

'''Chris as policeman:''' Alright, we got ya surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

[''Chris puts on a very high pitched, rapid voice.'']

'''Chris as robber:''' Okay, okay! I'm out, please don't shoot! Don't shoot! Dont't shoot! I give up! I give up! I give up! Here's the five million dollars. I give up! I give up! Please take me in! Take me in! I'll never commit a crime anymore.

'''Chris as policeman:''' Good job, men! Listen, five million dollars gets a thousand dollar reward. Donate it to the Richmond station. Okay, c'mon men, lets get outta here!

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' And there you have it. We just had the capture of the burglar and the retrieving of the five million dollars. So tell me, Mr. bank manager, what do you have to say about this?

'''Chris as the bank manager:''' Well, all I have to say is that I [inaudible]. He sang like a true coward. So, and he's gonna- he also face going to jail so he might give up the life of crime and I won't have any more money stolen. That's all I have to say.

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Okay, you heard right here live on station KCWC. Back to you, Ted!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you- thank you, copter one. Okay, right now we're gonna go back to the weather. Weatherboy...

'''Chris as Weatherboy:''' [clears throat] Eh, yes, and right now it is- right now it is 91 degrees and now it's mostly cloudy. There's a little sunshine right there, but we don't have any rain coming. No, sir! Right now they say it's only a 20% chance of rain. But tonight, it'll be perfectly clear and 79 degrees and tomorrow there'll be a slight chance- there'll be slight chance of rain. 30% chance, to be exact! And that's all I have to say. Back to you, Ted!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Okay, Weatherboy! And right now we're gonna go back to Chicago for another- for some more sports. We go down the basketball game between the, ah, the, ah, what is it? Oh yeah, the Chicago Bulls and New York Nicks. And the Bulls have won the base- the basketball game. That's a score of 53 to 50! Anyway, the Bulls won the baseball game. Okay, that's all I have to say about the sports! Now we're gonna take you live to the race track on Mario Kart 64.

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Okay, here we are at the race track and there Yoshi and Mario are fine. And they're wearing these [inaudible] and their karts are out of repair so- and we are about to start a kart race for the flower cup. And we're gonna give full coverage on Mario. Su- so here we are about to start the race. Lets go live!

[''There is the noise of a Mario Kart 64 race starting up'']

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Here we are at Toad's Turnpike, and the race is about to start, folks! On your mark, get set, go. And here we go with the race. Keep an eye on Mario, now, cause he's our main man. Mar- And, ah, he's in third place right now. Ahead of him is Koopa and ahead of Koopa is Peach. Oh, and he makes a splendid right hand turn. Oh, and he give a green shell which he picked up to Koopa. He's closing in on Peach. He's making another turn. Oh, but peach turns ghost. Now Mario picks up another item. He shoots a green shell and gets a ghost. Uh oh! Oh, he got into the green shell he shot and now he see's the other one and he uses a ghost and what does he get? Oh, from that ghost he receives a red shell, and he bounces it off trucks, no problem. He raises his red shell and on a stair way he shoots it, and it won't hit Peach because she ha- had a banana on her, and Mario has picked up another red shell. He's raised it and he shoots it. Is it gonna hit Peach? I don't know, folks. It knocks Peach against a wall. Mario picks up... Oh man, somebody has shot a lightning bolt. It's Luigi! Oh man, Mario's on a dirt place. Oh, and Mario goes back to full size and so has everybody else. Now with only two shells, he makes another turn. On turn, he picks up another item. He shoots, and picks up a mushroom! And is on his final green shell he had to use it because Koopa had his coming. So, Mario uses the final green shell. Uh oh! Oh, [inaudible] he uses a mushroom and
he got plenty of mystery items, and he's still in second place, folks. Peach is way ahead. [inaudible] make first place but lets keep an eye on him, anyway. He's got a mystery box, a decoy box. And he puts it in- he lets it go. And he get another item, it's a red shell! I don't think it'll make Peach but he goes on ahead and shoots it, and he hits a banana peel. Oh, and he goes into a major peel out. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the best races I ever seen in my life. One of the most exciting, too. Okay, and Mario makes another turn. He picks up another item. It's a lightning bolt! How lucky is that? And everybody has gotten shrunk except for Mario. And Mario hits a banana peel but he doesn't slip. He must have hit the break. And now he picks up a set of green sh- set of three green shells. Mario passes a couple of trucks. Now, he's making another turn. He almost slipped on a banana peel but the- one of his green shells took the hit for him. This is the third lap, folks. And he's almost towards the finish line. Oh, and he goes between a [inaudible] and a truck magnificently. And he passes the finish line with second place. And first place is Peach, Mario is followed by Koopa and Koopa is followed by Donkey Kong and the rest are in the last four positions. We take you now to the results. Mario is in second place with six. Peach is in first with nine. Koopa at- with three. And Donkey Kong with with one. And the rest have zero. And now we go to the next race, in Frappe Snowland, and Mario in position in second place. On your mark, get set. Oh, and Mario takes a rocket boost to start as he's tring to go to his right. He picks up...

[Chris gets cut off mid-sentence as part six ends]

===Part VII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|I7RFF2spayw}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

[''Mario Kart commentating continues from last video'']

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' ... an item. It's a banana peel, and he is in first place. How will he use his banana peel? Just right at the turn. Now he's going over the hill. Oh, and it looks like he hit somebody. I'm not sure who it was, but he hit somebody. Oh, and he picks up a green shell, he uses it, it hits Peach. Peach is still in second place, though, but, uh, Mario is still is first. He's way ahead by some. Oh, and Mario picks up a red shell. Don't think there'll be a need for that, but he's got one. And Peach is closing in on him. He crosses the bridge. He's on his second lap! He starts the second lap, folks. He gets- he picks up another item. He lets go of- he releases his red shell, and he picks up a banana line-up. Oh, and Peach has passed him. Now Mario's in second. He throws the banana peel and Ma- and Peach slips. And he's still got the bana- got one banana peel left. And he picks up another item. It's a single banana. How's he uses it? Simple! He uses it in the- in the lot of mystery boxes. And he picks up a single mushroom as his item. How will he use it? He's keeping it. Lets see what happens, though. He makes another turn, on the curbs. He makes another- other turns. He's really keeping that mushroom, though. Not using it. He's still making his other turns. He's going over the hill. He still hasn't used his mushroom, yet. Now he goes through the field of snowmen. Now he makes another turn. Oh, and he uses that mushroom to go over that snail hill for a short-cut. Now- now he picks up another item. It's a single banana peel. And he makes another turn. Oh, but hit the wall before he can make his turn. He's lost the banana. And he crosses the bridge. And he wins in first place! That was a magnificent race, folks. Mario in first place, followed by Donkey Kong, the Koopa, then Yoshi and the rest on the last four positions. Lets go live to the results. Mario's in the lead with fifteen points. Peach is in second with nine. Donkey Kong with seven. Koopa with six. And Yoshi probaby got some points. He picked up one point and is in fifth place. The rest have zero. Now lets go live to the next race. Which is Chocolate Mountain! And Mario's in position. Ready! Set! Go! Oh, and Mario picks up another rocket boost at start. And he gets to another turn. He picks up an item. It's a single mushroom. Might as well gonna save that one for later. Now he's making another turn on the wide turn. He does it successfully. He goes through the boxes. And he still hasn't u- oh, and he hits something. He hits a hill. And, uh, Toad and Donkey Kong have past him, because he was probably thinking about something else. But right now Mario is back and he picks up three green shells. And he uses one on Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong gets Toad in a chain reaction. Now Mario is still in first place. He's still got... [inaudible]... closing in on him. He shoots one green shell to pick up an item, and it's a green she- it's another green shell. And he uses it that third green shell on Koopa. And he pulls out his new green shell. What's he gonna do with it? He shoots it behind him. And he picks up another green shell from the other item boxes. He shoots that behind him. Now he has no items. And Donkey Kong is closing in on him. But it looks like somebody [inaudible] but I dont think it was Donkey Kong. Now new item pick up. It's a red shell. And he uses immediately and hits... uh-oh, a koopa has hit Mario. He's fallen behind. He's in fourth place. No wait, now he's in third. He picks up three mushrooms. He uses them. And uses the third one to go ahead of Toad aaaand Koopa and he's out way in the lead. And Donkey Kong is somewhere 'round the hill. And Mario picks up a mushroom, now he's in second place. Now he's started using his unlimited mushroom. He makes a turn. He's still in second. He uses his mushroom. Oh, and there's Koopa not far ahead. But I'll take Mario and make it first place. Donkey Kong second and Mario makes third place. Ladies and gentlemen, was a magnificent racde, if I do say so myself. Koopa won, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Mario, followed by Toad. I'll take you live to the results. Mario's still in first place with eighteen. Koopa with fifteen. Donkey Kong with thirteen. Peach with nine. And Yoshi and Toad tied in fifth place with one. The rest have zero. Now we take you live to the next race, in the Mario Raceway. This is the final race, folks! Mario's in positions at third place. On your mark! Get set! Go! And Mario takes another rocket boost at start and he hops over Koopa. Now he picks up an item. It's a decoy mystery box. And he drops it. He make another turn. He goes around that mushroom. He picks up another item. It's a green shell, and almost straight away he shoots it behind him, but it hits nobody. Now he making his auto-turn. And he goes across the sand using another turn. And Koopa is directly behind him. But Mario is still in first place. Uh oh, he hit the grass. And Ma- and Koopa [inaudible] but he didn't pass. Mario picked up a green shell. Uh oh, Koopa's passed him. But Mario shoots his green shell and timed it right, hit Koopa. Now Peach is in second but Mario is still first. And Mario picked up... five banana peel and he uses them all straight away. And now he's taking a sneaky short-cut again usaing his auto-turn. He's way, way ahead, folks. And now he's in for the final lap. He picks up another item. And it is another green shell. He shoots it behind him. He's making his auto-turns. He's going around the mushroom. He making an auto-turn. And he picks up a mushroo- a single mushroom. I notice how he use that to hit the grass and sandy short-cut. That's a long short-cut, folks. And now Mario's passing through a tunnel. Uh oh, He makes and wrong turn and goes the wrong way. But now he's still in first place and passes finish line. Wins with first place. Ladies and gentlemen, that was a magificent race. Mario won in first, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Koopa and followed by Peach and the rest are in the last places. Lets go live to the results. Mario's won with 27 points, followed by Donkey Kong with nineteen and I didn't get to see the rest. Right, now here we are at the trophy ceremony live at Peach's castle. Let's go live. Here comes Mario as the first place winner. And here comes Donkey Kong in the third place mount. And Koopa coming up in the secon- uh here's come Koopa coming in the third place mount. I don't know. Lets see how it comes up, though. Mario get the win with first place, Donkey Kong with second an Koopa with third. And here comes the floating glow fish. He's got the trophy for Mario and the trophy is GOLD! This was a bunch of magnificent races, folks. Tell me Mario, what do you have to say about this?

'''Chris as Mario:''' [''his voices starts out very high pitch then lowers rather drastically''] Well, all I have to say it feel go to be a winner. I always feel like a real winner. I just need more winning, that's all. [inaudible] Thank you very much! Back to you!

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Alright! Now that's enough for the races. Back to you Ted Baster!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you! Now that's it for the Mario Kart races. Now we go back to the music. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

'''Chris:''' Alright! Thank you, Ted Baster! As you know it was three o'clock before the news started but right now, with the, since we were just mplayingMario Kart 64, we are now going live with Starfox music. We gonna play the, ah, famous song from that game, Titania and Macbeth. Take it away, Fox McCloud.

[''Tape stop and resumes with Starfox 64 - Titania and Macbeth'']

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everyth-

[''Chris is cut off in the middle of a word'']

===Part VIII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VIII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Z9ZB40YL0e8}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====

''[Video cuts in mid sentence from previous video]''

'''Chris:''' -ing KCWC and we're about to play a couple of Disney songs now. First one we're gonna play is uh-- a good one from Aladdin and the King of Thieves. It's-it's out. Are you in or out? I don't know whether I'm in or out! ''[fake laugh]''. Dagum I'm inside... aw skip it! Anyway, here's a Disney song. Take it away, Aladdin.

''[Audio cuts out for a moment then begins playing ''Are You In Or Out?" from Aladdin and the King of Thieves.]''

''[Audio cuts back out and in again]''

'''Chris:''' You are tuned in to everything KCWC and it is now 9:30PM I promised you two Disney songs and I'm gonna give you the second one. It is from the movie Pocahontas and it is entitled "Just Around the River Bend." That is a very nice song you know. So take it away Pocahontas!

''[Audio cuts then begins playing "Just Around the River Bend" from Pocahontas.]''

''[Audio skips]''

'''Chris:''' And we're back. You're listening to everything KCWC an' right now we're gonna throw another contest. Just the last one for the day and we're gonna play another song from a movie. An' if you can call in- and guess what movie this song- is from I will award that person- with a CD entitled "Frank Sinatra: The Capitol Collectors Series". An' right now we're gonna give you the song. Oh yeah, and remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Hope you enjoy the song and I hope somebody calls in. Course I'll take anybody who'll give me de right answer. Take it away mysterious song.

''[Audio skips then begins playing "Cotton Blossom" from Show Boat.]''

''[Audio skips]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everything KCWC an' right now it is a quarter to midnight. While-uh-we don't-uh I'm sorry to say, but we don't have a winner for dat- last contest. By the way that was duh-"Cotton Blossom" from the movie Show Boat. I guess nobody wanted a CD. OH well, I'll just save it for next time. But right now we're about to close up our station for the night. Bu-bu-but we're gonna give off a final little number by Frankie Sinatra. It was entitled "-igh Hopes" and I have high hopes in ya'll having good dreams tonight. ''[Elmer Fudd laugh]'' Well, good night folks. Alright, take it away Frankie, again.

''[Audio skips and begins playing "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra.]''

''[Video cuts out in the middle of the song.]''

===Part IX===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IX
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hk77GPIABJ8}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]] [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
''[Video cuts in during the middle of "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra. The remainder of the slideshow has the debut [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] album playing during it. The video cuts off during "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]".]''

===Part X===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part X
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0aoToAm_n3A}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''Video is silent for 12 seconds before "BFF's (Best Friends Forever)" begins playing. The video ends during the middle of "[[Feel So Lonesome]]", ironically enough during the "STOP!" part.'']

===Part XI===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XI
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W3FnQ6xtqwU}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''The rest of "Feel So Lonesome" and the album plays. After the album ends, Chris plays "Thinkin' Bout You" by [[Britney Spears]], and then afterwards "Free Up Your Mind" by Emma Bunton. The video cuts out in the middle of the latter song.'']

===Part XII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q81oIfo4XzU}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''The rest of "Free Up Your Mind" by Emma Bunton plays, followed by "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes, "For You I Will" by Monica, and "Yellow is a Mellow Color" (again). The video cuts out in the middle of the last song.'']

===Part XIII===
<center>{{Protip|The original copy of this was muted by Warner Music Group (WMG), as Chris used a song in this video without permission (of course). (Un)fortunately, it was muted at the video level; therefore, this copy has no sound. Also, the FUTURE MESSAGE bit is not shown in the video linked.}}</center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XIII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fXHSVpX2ux0}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''The rest of M2M's "Don't Say You Love Me" plays, followed by the FUTURE MESSAGE.'']

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-02-24]]

{{CWC on TV}}

Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE

2015-08-26T11:52:27Z

Meester Siemen: Formatting changes and relinked some of the internal webpages to the relevant sections within those pages (e.g. 25th Birthday section of the birthday page)

'''Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE''' (also known as '''CWC's Important Message 02242007''' and '''Chris Chan's IMPORTANT MESSAGE''') is a video uploaded on 24 [[February 2007]] in which, in celebration of his milestone [[Chris's_birthday#25th|25th birthday]], [[Chris]] delivers his manifesto and summarizes the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages, as well as the, uh gals."

This video proves that Chris is able to withstand direct sunlight for a considerable time before the inevitable mutation into his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|Vest-Man form]]. Compared to his current habits, Chris appears more confident, stutters less (though this is probably because he is reading from a script), and was less of a [[Obesity|fattie]] in 2007.

__TOC__

==Intended audience==
As outlined in the video, Chris wanted it to be shown in local schools. To date it hasn't, possibly because the FBI would describe it as [[wikipedia:Child grooming|child grooming]] (note that Chris refers to [[wikipedia:Alfred Kinsey|Dr. Kinsey]]). Chris also posted it online as a fan teaser to his shitty autobiographical [[DVD]], that he was never going to show them regardless. His disappointed fans responded to this ''Catch-22'' situation by [[troll]]ing him and getting their hands on the DVD anyway.

==Rundown==
The video covers a myriad of topics Chris knows nothing about, like:

*Why going to school, like waterboarding, is not torture.
*Why it is important to [[homos|STAY STRAIGHT]][[Chris and copyright|™]].
*How to attract a [[sweetheart]].
*Boys should stroke the hair of a [[My Little Pony]] to understand girls.
*Girls should acquire [[Transformers]] to understand boys.
*Why every last ounce of "[[tobacky]]" should be sent to [[the Moon]].
*Why [[Alcohol|drinking]] is bad and leads to bar fights.
*Why anybody who disregards you is a "peanut."
*Why "straying from the straight path" will "jeopardize the entire world and the human race."
*For the love of God, STAY STRAIGHT!!!
*Girls should seriously consider the romantic advances of ugly, dumpy guys, "because they will likely have a [[List of Chris's lies|better personality]] [...] and they may end up having a [[26 December 2014|brighter]] [[28 October 2011|future]] for themselves."

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|73UsyGYk2FQ}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2007]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Television|text}}, {{Other|[[Tobacky|Drugs]] [[Long Island Iced Tea|and]] [[Alcohol]]}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}, with jacket
| previous = [[Pixelated_PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
| next = [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]
}}

{{quote|All Views Expressed in this video ARE THOSE TRUE AND SOLID OF MY SOUND MIND AND COMPLETE CONSCIENCE. Especially STAYING STRAIGHT!!!}}

=== Transcript ===
Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and [[Chris and English|dudes of all teenages]], as well as the, uh, gals. My name is Christian Chandler; I am ''here'', and y'all are there. [''chuckles''] This message is for everyone of the present and the future, beyond this date: February 24th, [[2007]]th. My birthday. My 25th birthday. [''holds up 2 fingers'']

I am [[high-functioning autistic]], and in my 25 years, I have seen and learned so much. And today, I am share--intend to share some wise words that I hope each and every one of you will take to heart and will offer yourself and everyone else a better part of your future.

First off, remember that going to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] is [[Bruce Johnson|not a torture]]. It is a place of learning, a place for growing, a place where you form the spelling of your own opinions, your own feelings, and your own personality. So learn everything you are able to, and grow with it.

Now, you should also be able to try something for yourself, before forming praise or detest of it. As long as those things will not harm you, or shorten your lifetime in any way, it's totally cool.

What is totally NOT cool, though, is thinking or doing these things, which are very harmful to you, and definitely gr—will gross out those around you that don't do it, because I haven't done it and I don't like it—doing either of them. You should avoid ''at all costs'' [[tobacky|smoking]], drinking [[alcohol]], and then taking any [[semen|similar icky dangerous stuff]]. And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get heart attacks, viruses, and your life will be cut ''drastically'' short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "[[Star Wars|death sticks]]" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to [[the Moon]]. [''[[Desi]] walks to front of the house in the background''] And for, uh, alcohol, they'll cause, uh, liver dysfunction, kidney prob—kidney failures, and uh, not only that, but, when you get drunk enough, bar fights and [[28 October 2011|automobile accidents]]. So it's a real slow-acting poison. And I haven't done either one, and look at me now, I'm, uh... [''puffs out his chest as a truck passes by blasting AC/DC from the stereo''] [[Chris and health|fit as a fiddle]], and I'm livin' twenty-five, hopin' to live on to be about eighty to a hundred. And y'all—hopefully, y'all will get a chance to get up to that ripe old age, as well.

Now, among the better things you should definitely try before despising, is some of the hobbies of those of your own—opposite gender. Like, uh, for example, if you are a young gentleman, I recommend buying yourself a [[My Little Pony]] figure of your favorite color or whatever. Now, uh, stroking the hair of said pony is very relaxing and therapeutic, and also rubbing it against your cheek. That's... nice. And also, uh, you can pretend that, uh, the pony is, uh, that girl you want to take you wanna take out to—you wanna take out sometime, and talk to the pony like you would talk to the girl.

Now for the, uh, ladies I would recommend... a good old Autobot from [[Transformers]]. Because you can get to learn how to examine the mechanics... and variations of... each and every... I mean, of the, uh, Autobot you have... like, uh, you would tr—like you would learn how... [[Duck|a man]]... works. And it'll allow you to feel more comfortable in approaching, and talking to, that boy you've been flirtin' from a distance, or, uh, just have been, uh, flirting with from a distance. And, uh, hopefully, uh, all you have to do is just end up and say "hello". I mean, it's not so hard. All you have to do is say "hello" to the man, ladies; that's all. And everything will just get going from there. And also, uh, with the, uh, Autobot, while it's in vehicle mode you can pret—drive down that imaginary fast lane.

But any—in any case, uh, while few people may ridicule you, you should not worry about it, because most everybody will be o—totally okay with it, because it won't matter. It won't matter, because... [''completely loses his place''] ...they see you enjoyin' it, and it's totally cool, if you're enjoying it. So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total peanuts. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?

Also keep in mind that, while you're playin' with these things, [[Tomgirl Pictures|you should keep in mind of what your true, original gender is]]. Because, uh, it's like you worry about that girl you want to take on a date—YOUNG MAN!—or, uh, likewise, you feel more comfortable to approach that boy—by just saying "hello"—that you've been checkin' out from a distance—YOUNG LADY!—and hopefully in due time or now, each and every one of you will stay straight. You know, girl for boy, boy for girl? Everything else is vice, as said by [[Homos|Doctor Kinsey]]. Not just for me, not for [[Chris and religion|The Big Man Upstairs]], not for your family, but do it for, uh, yourself, and for—and for the benefits of everyone in the future: your children, your children's children... And, besides, if you stray away from the straight path, it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.

Also, girls and ladies, don't just go over gaga, over the handsome rich boys... and men... because they may turn out to be disrespectful and distasteful in their personality. You should take into consideration all the other gentlemen that you may have considered, that may be ''less'' attractive, or equally—less or moderately. Because those will—because they will likely have a better personality that you will—that you will generally enjoy and like, and they may end up having a brighter future for themselves. Like, look at me now—I'm shootin' this movie for a DVD... that's gon—that I hope will be shown in a couple of schools, at least.

Now, uh, also, uh... also, when you—when each and every one of you has a true general understanding of the, uh, opposite gender, and after that—finding that special [[Tomgirl Pictures|MAN—LADIES!]]—or that special GIRL—GENTLEMEN!—always keep the... heart and memories of times that you two felt most attracted to each other, because that will be a key point to recovering from any disputes or arguments that you two might have in the future. Otherwise, so you two will just be darn happy with each other. But it's not all always gonna be peaches and cream or strawberry shortcakes. [[stress sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] And also remember, you two should KEEP each other, because there will be nobody else—no matter how much you think about it—nobody else that can replace that special someone—him for her or... her for him—there's just nobody else...there's no substitute for that [[Virgin with rage|first one.]]

And now, I leave you with the lessons that you should have—that I hope you have learned from my message. You should all—you should stay in school, learn as you much. And try before you praise and despise. Never smoke! Never drink! Never worry about how others think of you when you do things... or... when you play with things that may not s—that may not seem like you—or whatever. Don't be afraid to approach those of your opposite gender. And MOST IMPORTANTLY! PLEASE... STAY STRAIGHT. I leave you with those words, as I have shared with you on this, my twenty-fifth birthday, February 24th, 2007. I am "Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler. Live long, and shine on, in your very own unique way. War is never the answer; peace is. Never fight. Compliments will get you [[A Warm Fuzzy Tale|fuzzy-wuzzies]]. War gets you prickly-wicklies... as well as punches. They get you those, too. Thank you very much, and have a wonderful day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|nextlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-02-24]]

Harvey Birdman commercial

2015-08-26T11:27:06Z

Meester Siemen: Cleared some formatting and relinked some of the internal webpages to the relevant sections within those pages (e.g. dramatic glasses removal/relevant YouTube account for the period.)

{{Quote|My entry was very dramatic, and a lot BETTER than that piece of poo, or any of the others that made the top 5 as well! I'm very upset about that! [[Chris and his Ego|My "CWC's Harvey Birdaman Spot" was the BEST, and I feel sorry for you]], [[Adult Swim]], for not noticing that! You all should take another good look at it and seriously reconsider!|Chris, being a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|good loser]] as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}

The '''Harvey Birdman Commercial''' is a commercial produced by Chris in February [[2005]] as part of a contest held for [[Sonic Boom|Cartoon Network]]'s [[Adult Swim]] block. The [[Adult Swim]] block held a contest inviting viewers to make a commercial for the ''[[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law]], Vol. 1'' DVD set (or ''[[Speech impediment|Harvey Dirdban]]'', as he seems to pronounce it). Always willing to earn fame and fortune with minimal effort, [[Chris]] stepped up and produced an advertisement promoting himself, his eternal rivalry with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], [[Sonichu]]...and Harvey Birdman.

The terms "Christian Weston Chandler" and "brevity" do not go hand in hand, but due to the contest rules specifying 28-30 second entries, Chris delivers his pitch at a manic pace rather than omitting anything from his agenda. One can only imagine [[Animal Crossing|the 17-minute infomercial]] Chris would have delivered, had he been allowed.

Chris did not win the contest, or even place in the top five. This inspired him to post a complaint on the [[Adult Swim posts|block's forums]] (to be precise, he posted the same complaint twice), but, for some reason, Chris's idea of justice was never served.

The commercial appears in somewhat poor quality on ''[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]'', but he also uploaded a better version of the same footage to his original [[YouTube#Sonichu_.28May_2007-September_2008.29|YouTube]] account some time prior to October 31, [[2007]].

__TOC__

==Appearance==
Viewers may notice that, in this video, Chris actually wasn't that [[fat]] during this period in his life. Not as fat as now, anyway. Also, if Chris were to record this today, he would almost certainly tear off his [[Glasses#Dramatic_glasses_removal|glasses]] for maximum effect.

==Chris's entry==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Harvey Birdman Commercial
| video = {{#ev:youtube|l_b7S4i99JI}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2005]]
| subject = {{Television|[[Contests]]}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[All I Want For Christmas Is A Pretty Girlfriend]]
| next = [[Pixelated PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

HELLO! I hired Harvey [[Speech impediment|Dirdban]], Attorney at Law, to help ME, Christian Weston Chandler, in my case against Mary Lee Walsh, who, years ago, shattered my heart. And he has won the case for me, and he has won for me...a ''Harvey Birdman'' 2-disc DVD box set which comes out April 12, 2005!

Features deleted scenes! Live-action open! Casting what-ifs and [[Wikipedia:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Coleburt]] and [[Wikipedia:Todd Barry|Todd Barry]] as Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law! ''Harvey Birdman'' movie! "Shaggy Busted" pencil tests! And episode commentary!

Let Harvey Birdman work for you!

[''rapidly displays two custom cards depicting himself and [[Sonichu]]'']

[[Chris and his ego|This has been a Christian Chandler/Sonichu production]].

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|nextlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{References}}

[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2005-02-24]]

Cosplaying

2015-08-26T02:02:00Z

Meester Siemen: Updated page referencing dead link

{{DeadLinks}}

[[File:0658-ANIME513.JPG|thumb|Chris dressed as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his mary-sue counterpart]] in [[2005]].]]

'''Cosplay''', short for '''"costume play"''', is a type of performance art in which a person dresses up as a character or idea. The practice is commonly seen in the [[anime]] fandom, but can also be seen in other fan realms, such as [[video games]] and ''[[Captain's log|Star Trek]]''. [[Chris]] was first seen in cosplay attire with the famous [[Pokémon|Ash Ketchum]] costume. Any attempts at cosplay are usually rare; however, a major wave of cosplaying by Chris, presumably to impress/amuse [[Jackie]], appeared in late [[2010]].

It should be noted that the costumes are created at his home using construction paper, markers, paints, and anything else he can purchase in the craft section of a [[Walmart]]. They are crude interpretations of the original image he is attempting to portray and most seem put together quickly and with little effort. Most of the costumes barely resemble the characters Chris is trying to mimic. The only costume he appeared to put any effort into was his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] form, in which he painted his face and body along with constructing a few minor details to make the look complete.

==Ash Ketchum cosplay==
[[Image:0503-CWCAsh4.jpg|thumb|left|[[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Pimp mah riiide!]]]]
[[Image:502-CWCsAshVest.JPG|thumb|That hat is pretty goddamn dirty.]]
Chris appeared in his [[Wikipedia:Ash Ketchum|Ash Ketchum]] costume from around [[2000]] to [[2004]]. It was originally purchased or made by [[Snorlax]] as a Halloween costume in either [[1998]] or [[1999]].<ref name="ReferenceA">[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref> He proudly wore it to [[The GAMe PLACe]] every week<ref>[[Mimms]] <s>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post]</s> on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] - Dead link as of the 26th of August 2015.</ref> and to the [[2004]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention. With it, he won a costume contest against five kids dressed up as [[Wikipedia:Team Rocket|Team Rocket]]. The prize was a T-shirt.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|Television footage]] of Chris playing [[card games]] with little kids while dressed as Ash was also featured on his [[DVD]].

For a while, Chris resurrected this look for his profile picture on [[The Hook Cafe]] and eventually evolved into the [[Chris and fashion#The "Gay Trucker" outfit|Gay Trucker]].

The Ketchum-style trainer outfit consists of:
* Faux-denim vest
* Cut up gardening gloves
* ''Pokémon League'' ballcap
* Fanny-pack (also known as a "belly-bag" or a "bum-bag" in the British dialect)

The ensemble was usually accompanied by a yellow ''[[Pokémon]]'' T-shirt, or white [[Sonic the Hedgehog|''Sonic Heroes'']] tee-shirt underneath (see gallery below). Chris is unable to wear the costume anymore thanks to his [[obesity|obscene girth]], but it nevertheless remains his best cosplay yet, and the only one that helped him win anything.

Chris also wore this costume to a [[Halloween]] party on 31 [[October 2009]] - he had wanted to go as [[Wikipedia:Captain N: The Game Master|Kevin Keene]] but couldn't make the jacket.

<center><gallery>
Image:0501-CWCAsh2.jpg|
Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|HOT ROD 138, I c-ch-choose you~!
Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Jackie and cosplay==

{{quote|At least I am doing this and I have myself a woman, so there. So she'll appreciate this very much. She appreciates almo- everything I do for her. Especially these videos.|Chris}}

[[File:ChrisChanCosplayMR.jpg|thumb|The master costumer at work.]]

On 16 [[September 2010]], Chris uploaded a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|video of himself depicting Mr. Popo]] from the ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'' series, stating that the cosplay and song was for his girlfriend. At the end of the video, we learned that it was indeed for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]]. At first, this seemed like a typical Chris move to impress a girl in the possible hopes of getting [[china]]. Apparently, either by Jackie urging him to do more or by Chris noticing that his [[sweetheart]] found amusement in his costume play, this was only the beginning.

We wouldn't again see Chris's efforts to amuse his beloved until 2 [[October 2010]], when Chris released the video [[I like Mary Poppins]]. Though simplistic and crude, the idea that Chris is trying to portray is indeed a form of cosplay. This was just a tiny hint of what was to come the following day, when Chris uploaded a video attempting to be [[100 2265|The Hamburglar]]. In this video, he prances around insanely yelling "Robble robble robble" repeatedly in a quickly put together costume. Several other videos followed of Chris depicting everything from famous [[music]]ians to [[trolls]]. Not until the [[ECV 00002|"Sonichu Transformation" video]] would we be officially told, by his own mouth, that Chris was doing this for Jackie's amusement.<ref>[[ECV 00002|Sonichu Transformation video]], section 2</ref> Though it may just seem like speculation, it seems that any cosplay video starting from the original Mr. Popo was influenced by Jackie in some way.

Most of his costumes during this period were made haphazardly and probably with whatever Chris had laying around [[Chris's room|his room]]. Typically, they consisted of nothing more than colored construction paper attached with tape or string to the front of his regular clothes. This is probably a result of his laziness and general lack of effort, though he usually seems satisfied with his work output (the [[100 2279|"considerably weak video"]] being a notable exception).

Characters Chris has cosplayed as during this period:
* [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]
* [[McDonald's|Hamburglar]]
* [[McDonald's|Grimace]]
* [[Clyde Cash]]
* [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] (though just vocally depicted)
* A member of [[100 2269|Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band]]
* A [[Cherokee]]
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]]
* Fred Flintstone and [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] (the latter in the same costume but with a different "head")
* [[Cleveland Show|Cleveland Brown]] (a new low, with just a DVD case over his face)
* A [[Harry Potter|wizard from Hogwarts]]
* A [[niggos|"gangsta"]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:ChrisPapa.JPG|Flexing his ''PaRappa'' muscles.
File:ChrisGroucho.JPG|Chris as Groucho Marx.
File:ChrisJuffalo.JPG|As a Juggalo.
Image:Niggocwc.jpg|CWC as [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]].
File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|CWC tries to look like [[McDonald's|The Hamburglar]], but he comes off as an even creepier version of [[Soul Calibur|Voldo]].
File:Grimace.jpg|As the Evil Grimace.
File:Chriscash.jpg|As [[Clyde Cash]].
File:Ohboy.jpg|As a member of [[100 2269|Sgt. Pepper's Virgins With Rage Band]].
File:Liquidd.jpg|As [[Liquid Chris]].
File:Indiann.jpg|As a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]].
File:Super-mode.jpg|Chris in his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|super-mode]].
File:ChrisFredFlinstone.JPG|As Fred Flintstone.
File:ChrisHomerFlinstone.JPG|As... Homer Simpson-Flintstone?
File:ChrisAsCleveland.JPG|As Cleveland Brown. Ingenious.
File:ChrisWizard.JPG|From Hogwarts. Learnin' spells n' yeah.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|As [[My Little Pony|Rainbow Dash]]
File:128679185214.png|Artist's depiction.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V]]

== Sources ==
<references />

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Cosplay|Cosplay]] at [[Wikipedia]].

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris Sex Logs

2015-08-25T16:40:23Z

Meester Siemen: Added missing "chats and calls" Navigation template for easier navigation

{{honest}}

In [[September 2008]], [[PandaHalo]] released Skype chats with her and Chris discussing [[honest]] topics like [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[mass debating]], and the then-forthcoming [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

==I am insane==
[[Image:Chris-IAmRandomHousecoat.PNG|200px|thumb|"I got this housecoat from, uh, Goodwill... I am wearing nothing underneath it."]]
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
===Two Front Teeth===
'''1. "Two Front Teeth" 0:25''' ''CWC sings "[[Wikipedia:All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth|All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth]]" in a squeaky voice, then informs the listener that the original song contains a whistle.''

===THE POWER OF THE SUN===
'''2. "THE POWER OF THE SUN" 1:09''' I'm in my house now [''rustling noises''] uhh...this was written, I got this housecoat from, uh, from Goodwill. 'Cause, you know, my old one had, like, some holes in it. It was becoming a little bit tattered in ways, but I mean, besides, this one's more comfortable anyway. Dang it, froze up again. Uh, give it a moment, it'll fix itself. Oh, the freeze! The freeze! The POWER OF THE SUN WARM YOU AND UNFREEZE YOU! Well, there it goes. Eh, there it goes again. C'mon! Uh, the POWER OF THE SUN UNFREEZE YOU!

===The Holy Coat===
'''3. "The Holy Coat" 0:07''' [''unintelligible mumbling''] ...the holy coat. I am not [[GodJesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|the Lord Jesus Christ!]] Daaaaa.
</div>

==I am perverted==

===Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
[[File:ChrisDNA.jpg|200px|thumb|left|"I mean, alright, but when a guy does it, they're releasing semen and the DNA that goes to the eggs"]]'''1. CWC, pervert: 5:29''' What, [[mass debating|masturbate]]? Uh, well, now just to let you know we have the trust between each other, and I can tell you are who you are through your voice, and you can tell who I am through my voice, and you just saw me over the webcam, I s'pose I can tell you, uh, have you ever seen a picture of, uh, a man's penis? Yeah, I had to take sex ed class too. But, you know, on a side note? You know what should be taught as well in addition to what sex is? Dating edu-.. [[Dating education]].

Ah, hang on a second. Hey pop, what are you doing? Um, okay, [''unintelligible''], could be a prank call. That was [[Bob Chandler|my father]], checking to see [''unintelligible''].

W-whah-what are you giggling about? It sounds like you're giggling. Well, you were asking me about how I masturbate, there, uh, so yeah. Basically, uh, well, it could go either way, whether I turn on some porn, to get myself straight or not, uh, an erection, get stiff or not, I mean that's one way of doing it, use porn. But uh also, if I've also I've, if I'm- if I.. on breaks- if I wasn't watching porn or, uh, don't feel like watching it at the time, I would go like to the bathroom sink and I can start, uh, by washing my hands and then with the soap and water just basically start by touching the, uh, end of my [hesitation] dick and just, like you know well it feels good for me, feels good I mean when I touch the edge of my dick. Well, actually, the way I see it, it's okay because you're relieving yourself of your stress from your basic instincts and your body. It's just - it's just good tension relief. The way I see it, so it's all right. The way I see - the way I see it for uh, gir- for uh, women - it's easier, it's better on them because, uh you know, they d-d... I mean, alright, but when a guy does it, they're releasing [[semen]] and the DNA that goes to the eggs, but when women do it, it's just, you know, they're releasing their juices, that basically, you know, makes it easier for the man to enter the vagina. So you could do it, and you wouldn't, you know, risk losing an egg from your ovaries.

Well, anyway, to get back to me, so yeah basically, I just massage mysel- I just massage myself down there and then, uh, and then, uh and then it gets more erect and uh, you know, it's still wet but I go back to my bed and uh, lie down, on the bed, and uh like you know I just massage it, I just massage it up and down with, like, you know, one of my hands or both of them at the same time depending on the random moment...do you have somebody else in the room with you? Yeah alright. So yeah anyway, well, pump it down with one or both of my hands at the moment until I feel, until I feel the sensation... where I feel I'm about to lose it, and then it all, it all just the stuff, yeah, yeah, some of my semen comes out. I don't - I don't like to make a mess, so I-... so I-- when I come I have a [[fapcup|clean plastic cup]] by my side and I just make sure to put all of my semen in the cup there. Yeah. Well, if you want me to, I could describe how masturbation works for a woman, because I've seen it through my share of the pornography and hentai [[anime]] I have. Alright well, basically, it's the same, you could put one hand down there and take the other hand to massage one or both of your breasts at the same time.. I can't believe we're talkin' about this, well also we trust each other very much and we have good trust for each other for talking over the mikes, like, nobody can hear or record our conversation over the mikes like they could...at this point it's bet- it's between us. Uh yeah. Well you see I've confidentially told my mom about my actions as well, I mean, she's cool - I mean, she's cool with it. I mean, you could try it yourself tonight 'cause I know it's like twelve-thirty over there on Saturday afternoon. So we've got, like, a husband and wife, we'll call them, like, Dick and Jane, right? Okay, so anyway, he's coming home from work and uh, and he's coming into the house and uh, his wife Jane meets him at the door and she says, oh, hi honey, how was your day? and he says, eh, it's been a rough day sweetheart, uhhh, I'm just tired, [''Changes voice''] I'll tell you what, we can go upstairs and have breakfast, and he says, Breakfast? at 9pm? And she says, sure! You bring the milk and I'll get the eggs!
</div>

===What I've learned from porn, #1===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''2. What I have learned from porn #1:''' 1:41 Films I have seen? I've learned, like you know, even though you've seen the husband seemingly betraying their wives to go to like uh, nightclub? Strip club? They're just trying to get their erections back up so they can go home and be ready for their wives. Because they, uh, they lose erections around their wives at that point. So you know, believe it or not, even though the husband might seem to be betraying their wife by going to a strip club, they're not. They're just trying to get their dick on so they can get their move on when they get home. Yes, they're not cheating. I mean they would only be cheating if they were actually doing it with another woman without their wife's consent. I wish I could say I have but I haven't - I've only seen them on television or in the movies. Yes, I'm fairly innocent myself, but as I've revealed of myself, I see the down and dirty. Maybe you'll get down and dirty tonight with yourself.

===What I've learned from porn, #2===
[[File:ChrisWholeHand.jpg|250px|thumb|"if it fits their whole hand? I've seen that happen, I've seen that happen, their whole hand. Yeah."]]'''3. What I learned from porn #2: 2:44''' Oh by the way you know, if you don't- if you get tired, you know you don't have to use, you know 'cause I mean I have seen through the pornography about how women masturbate, they mostly use like their index fingers, or some use all their fingers or like if they can reach they might fit their index and middle...[''laughing, unintelligible''] oh, you make me laugh! Oh, you make me laugh, that's so funny! Oooh. You're a quick wit, a quick wit! Right, so anyway, most of the time, if they can get their middle fingers into their vaginal entry, for pleasuring themselves, they'll sometimes, if they can reach, they might put all of their fingers in there or if it fits their whole hand? I've seen that happen, I've seen that happen, their whole hand. Yeah. I never really understood how a tampon works. Not mine, cause I have a dick! Huh huh huh, but please continue. Ah. That's interesting. Very interesting. But when you masturbate, you don't have to have your tampon in there. You could do it before you put your next tampon in. Or just when you don't have it in there. Well, then I guess you're safe. You're very safe.

===Masturbation - it's AWWWRIGHT===
'''4. Masturbation/ IT'S AWWWWRIGHT: 0:22''' You know another thing I should mention that like you know another reason why masturbation is all right is because you're not risking anybody else or getting a sexual disease. And just to let you know, if you are a virgin before you've started, and you haven't done anything with anyone else, you're still classified as a virgin.

===Me and my sex doll===
'''5. Me and my sex doll #1: 1:55''' It well, also works that way if you're doing it with, uh, if you get yourself, what they call, uh, um, a sex or love doll? They're these inflatable dolls, that inflate to look like the form of a naked man or a woman, of course as a man I do have sex dolls of, uh, naked women, I do, I mean, I'm willing to admit that, so anyway, yeah, basically, you do the sex doll of the opposite gender like you would, but you're still classified as a virgin because there's no DNA exchanged because the thing is just a hunk of plastic. Yeah, basically most of the time they're motionless, so, for me I would just put my dick in the vaginal entry and I would just pump and I would just pump it. You know, like a dummy, pretend person, basically, yes. You know I mean, so I could put her on the bed and just get on top of her, or I could like have myself lying on my back and uh I could just move her, I could just move the body up and down, or like you know I could even try as many of the defined sexual positions as possible for practice with the doll! Of course from your point - of course from your point of view you would get yourself a male sex doll and you would put yourself on its fake penis. Yeah it is...well, that's good for you, that's good for you.

===What I've learned from porn, #3===
[[File:ChrisBanana.jpg|200px|thumb|left|"if you used a banana, you could still eat the insides."]]'''6. What I learned from porn #3 1:12''' But anyway as I was saying you know, just as you know, when you masturbate, you don't have to use your fingers, you could like, uh, find something that's like, you could use like a banana, or a [[pickle]], I mean, it would be a waste of a fruit, but if you used a banana, you could still eat the insides. Eh, I said a pickle. Or a cucumber, a cucumber would work as well. But, uh, the thing I would, I would recommend for you, if you don't want to waste a fruit or a vegetable, yeah, well, it's all right. Not too many men are picky about how tight it is, I mean like you know, if you end up going, "Oooh, that's so TIGHT. You make me feel so good just to put it in there!" Yeah, but they're not going to be too picky about how tight it is.

===You should buy a dildo!===
'''7. You should buy a dildo! 2:10''' But anyways so like you know, there's an alternative to your fingers or the fruit or vegetable. If girls like, you go out and find like an adult store and get what's called a dih-do [''he pronounces 'dildo' all weird'']. It's particularly, it's typically like a hunk of plastic molded in the form, the shape like the shape like an average-size, uh... penis, but you know it's not necessarily like, penis shaped, like some like some dildos are. I have actually looked it up, it's like 5 6 or 7 inches, and what I've seen for you know, the plastic dildos, they're like 5 to 7 inches themselves. But anyway, you don't necessarily have to get one that's actually penis-shaped, you can get one that's basically vertical. Hm, you'd like a dolphin-shaped one, wouldn't you? Eh, yeah I guess they might make them in that form, they have some available, like at this website you can check them out over there. Hey, as long as you're adult it's all right, it's all right. You don't have to be ashamed. If something offends you in the store, you can just look away, it's no big deal. Yeah, we actually have a local one over here in [[Charlottesville]], it's called, uh it's called Bliss, I think it is. And of course there's also a store called Spencers, I think it's called Spencers over in the shopping mall, they sell sex toys there as well.

===Me and my sex doll, #2===
'''8. Me and my sex doll #2: 3:57''' I had that thought myself, but then again, I don't really do any - know people around town myself, yeah, I have, otherwise I wouldn't have told you about the sex doll. LOL girlfriend, LOL. They have, uh, you know yeah, okay, hang on, I turn on my webcam, also you know some models have an opening in their mouth but this one doesn't that I could like, that I could put my dick into. Yes, just for the fun of it, I mean, it's wet in the mouth, some people do it because it feels good, I mean between man and woman, man and woman, man puts in it in the woman's mouth. And also, you know, here's an interesting fact, I've learned from the adult website, from the website quoted on Adam&Eve dot com, male semen is, eh, healthy for women, there's like random, there's like things I can't describe especially good for women and the flavor can change depending on what the man eats. Yeah, same applies for the woman's pussy juices, it's called. I think so, yeah. Or if I ate a whole lot of apples and strawberries, it would come out like apple or strawberry flavored. We'll find out soon enough, man, I left a button undone, there's the vaginal opening. That's one thing I can do, you like that? Pretend that's YOUR vagina and I did that to you, doesn't that feel so good? Anyway, in addition to that, it has an optional opening in the mouth, it also has like a, ARSEHOLE. Heh, yeah, but it doesn't poop. Actually, you know, some people like between a man and a woman, the man, the woman finds pleasure in the man putting his penis inside the woman's a-hole, asshole. And the skirt went upside down. No, a guy can do it with a woman, do it with a woman, 'cause, you know, the man and woman are both straight. I mean come on. I never heard that. I figure it would be on, it would be on the scrotum area of my penis. I'm going to put this away, I'll be right back.

[[Image:Chris-ThisIsMyDildo.PNG|200px|thumb|"You can use this and put it up your buuuuttt and it will feel good."]]
===This is my dildo===
'''9. This is my dildo: 4:24''' [''[[wikipedia:John Mayer|John Mayer]]'s "[[wikipedia:Say (song)|Say]]" blares in the background''] Oh, yeah, I got this, it's uh, uh, I forget what the word was, it was the tip of the, the tip of the penis, I actually uh, the scrotum, the scroutum [''sic'']is actually the area where the balls were. So I used, I used the wrong word there. So anyway, I got something else I can show you, so I can explain, what, uh, a dildo is for you cause you know when you order something from Adam&Eve dot com they usually give you free DVDs or free gifts, with that, well anyway, they sent me one so I just held onto it, it's one dildo. They mostly come in this shape, in jelly form or in hard plastic. No, it's light reflecting off it. Anyway, you can use this and put it up your buuuutttt and it will feel good. I told you I got it as a free gift I did not use it, I just only have one. I guess I could give it to you since you are my sweetheart, you know? Hey, from they way I talk, the way I talk when I talk to you and the pictures I've seen so far, I'd like to meet you as well. Ahhh. Yeah, actually, you know, I did try that once with a different one, a different one I got for free as well? It did not, it did not turn me on. It, it, it I'd imagine from what I heard. You don't have to worry about me. I won't, I would not judge you. I swear. I would not judge you! I mean, look at how serious I am. I would not judge you. Well anyway let's say say we get back to the dildo sort of talk [''nervous laugh''] yeah anyway, well most of them are just a hunk of plastic, but some of them, like this one, they can run, they can run on a pair of AA batteries or another size, another size like that, I put a pair in this one just to try it out, I didn't take them out, well like you know, you can turn this one, you can turn this one on and off, by unscrewing, and screwing it completely, and when you've got it screwed on, it vibrates. You hear that? That's it vibrating. Yeah, just imagine having this up your vagina, and uh, it vibrating. Doesn't that feel good. I have have this one, I have this one, this one tucked away in a drawer. So, you know, nobody's going to find it unless I show it to them, or unless they look in my drawer, you know? Besides I don't have too many people come to [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] often. Not too many people.

===Condoms===
'''10: Condoms 2:20''' Well, I guess you'd want to see it. Nuh, actually, you know what? Actually, I have, I have like a bunch of condoms, that expire like [[2010]], which I've been saving for uh, for uh my first time, or uh, you know, the ones after, the ones after that. Ehey, you know, as long as uh, anyway, you know, I like uh, be safe or sorry. You know even if one or the other is wearing a condom, 'cause you know they make condoms for women as well? I've heard the condom just goes up, goes up the vagina hole, with a little bit of plastic hanging out, so it can be easily taken out. So that's good, that's good, so well anyway, anyway, should you and I get together, if one of us uh, [''something unintelligible in a high-pitched goofy voice''] give yourself over to me well um, oh my god. Aw. Well, anyway, I was saying that if you did, oh, uh, if you did um like wear a condom, we'd still be good in God's eyes as long as uh, as long as you know, you don't get any, you don't get any in you, that's what condoms are for. Yeah. Yeah. Not that's just, uh, you just like something you can think about.

===My first time===
[[File:ChrisFirsttime.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Your breasts are just like I could imagine them, good size, not too big, not too small, it's like turning me on I feel so "Wow! Those are awesome!"]]
'''11. My first time: 13:04''' Yeah, let me think a moment. Hm... alright. I'm imagining, a bedroom, there's the bed, well, let's see a hotel room, basic one or two beds, lamp, a television in front of the beds, or bed. [(Girl on the other end says "Is that what you're imagining?"] Deh, you and I are entering the room, I'm just going to say it to you, the best points. You and I are entering the room, I'm prepared with a condom in my right pocket, and you are feeling so up to it. You and I would walk over to the bed, and we'd take our shoes off, and we'd sit down on the bed, side by side, and we'd turn our heads to face each other, and we'd look into each others eyes, lovingly, (pretend like you know what we're about to do is just right) and we'd lean toward each other, and we'd kiss and we'd make out. Oh yeah, our tongues are exchanging between our mouths, we're frenching and it feels so good, your tongue on mine and mine on yours just feels so good, right! And we're rubbing each others sides and backs with our hands, our mouths are busy, and after a moment, you take off your blouse, and I take off my shirt, optionally with the medallion on, you know I could have it, I could do this on or off, but uh, in this case, let's just say it's off. All right, so you took off your blouse, I took off my shirt. You are wearing a bra. You take off your skirt. I move my hands, and then you start to turn me on. You would sexually reach around your back, we're not kissing at this point, we're not kissing since we've taken off our shirts. You would reach around your back, uncouple and unhook your bra. Your breasts are just like I could imagine them, good size, not too big, not too small, it's like turning me on I feel so "Wow! Those are awesome!" My penis would bulge through my underwear, starting to become erect. And then you would put your hands on your breasts, like you're massaging them, and turn back then you're leading me on to massage them for you. And then you'd lean to, and you'd cuh - and then while you're massaging your breasts, you'd lean towards me for me to massage them so you can work, those [incoherent stuttering] massage on yourself for you so I could be the massager for you. Then I will put my hands on your breasts, feels SO good, my hands, they feel so lovely, the first skin contact I feel as such between me as the man and you as the woman. You're turned on by all this and I'm turned on. My bulge gets bigger, and you might start to feel a little wet down there in your panties, 'cause that would be the precum that you would extrude from this first, this um, this first erection there. Uhm. And you would, then you would come down and after another makeout when you'd massa - and I'm touching your breasts, you'd make your way down from my head you'd take off my underwear, and then you'd massage my erect penis, and then you'd lick it a bit like an ice cream cone. Then you'd put your mouth, and you'd just, you'd just enjoy it. It feels, it feels right to you because it's the penis of your lover, it feels good for me too, because I can feel the wetness of your mouth and tongue around it, Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a virgin, I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I feel my comeuppance and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. I would have eaten so much chocolate, that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that. And right after I'd given you my first round, my first comeuppance, you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis, and then you would take off your panties, and I would, uh and you, and you would be on the bed now, you'd be lying down, and then I would put the index finger of my right hand into your vaginal opening, it feels so good. I would have my left hand on your right breast, massaging that, with the right, and my left hand, then I'd massage the inside of your vagina. With my index and middle fingers at first, and then eventually I would add my fourth finger. And if it felt like, if it looked like there was more room, I'd add my pinkie and then my thumb. And then after, after that, then I would remove my hand and then I would lick your clit. It would feel, it would feel so good to you, like as if I, like as if I was gently tickling you, you know, like you're in the wind, or the water rushing up to your vaginal opening, it feels so good. I'd lick your clit, and then I would lick the, lick, lick the little, lick the opening walls of your vaginal opening, and it would feel so good to you. And then after about a minute of that, I would get myself ready to put my penis in your vagina, but then I would, then I would politely warn you since we both are virgins, I would say, "This might hurt a bit at first," but it would start to feel SO good then you would nod in understanding and agreement. Then I would put, a condom on my penis, I would put it into your vagina, you might feel hurt, you might feel good, I don't know what you would be at this point, but at this point I imagine you would feel just like, "Oh, I'm so surprised, this feels, this is starting to feel just so good," got blood in my- your vagina at this point because you ARE a virgin and I just broke, just broke your hymen. But anyway, you feel so good, and it feels so good, and I feel, I feel good, cuz' I'm pushing it in and pulling it out, and I'm pushing it in and pulling it out and it just feels so good, and I mea-.. uhh uhh uhh, oh yeah it feels so good and I would massage your breasts with both my free hands as I am - as you are lying down and I am basically on my knees, and it is just so good and I'm givin' it to ya smoothly as I can, mmmh, yeah, yeah, and then to make yourself feel comfortable, you might ask me, you'd probably ask me to pull my dick out, my hard cock out, and you'd turn over onto your hands and knees with your legs spread open wide, revealing your vaginal opening, and I'd put it back in, me on my knees, I'd put my dick back in there and give it, give it to you some more, it feels so good, oh yeah, mmm yeah, uh yes, oh god, oh yeah, I can feel it's so good, oh yeah [''etc''] And then after a couple minutes or so of this, I would think that, I would think I would want of take a little break myself, I would take my penis out, and I would lie on my back, and you would, and you would be on your knees, and you would put my penis into your vagina, by yourself, it's sticking straight up or possibly curved downward towards my feet. And you would slide your vagina onto my dick. And it just feels so good and [''moaning, etc.''] and then you would have your right hand on your right breast, and your left hand would be on my right side, I'd massage your free breast with my right hand, it just feels so good [moaning] and I would feel like I'm about to come, so I would just, I'd just let you know before an instant, and I'd pull it out. Then I'd take the condom off and put it in the trash can. [[File:ChrisFirstTimeEnd.jpg|250px|thumb|"and we'd just be like, "That was so awesome!"]]And then I would just stroke my penis up and down, and you'd, uh, you'd offer your breasts for me let the semen land upon it giving you what is like a pearl necklace. And then I would come. Drips of the semen would just come out in bunches, and the drips would fall all around, all over your chest and on top of your breasts, and just the drips, they would feel warm, and they would feel so good to you there, it would feel just right at the point, there, and then, you would probably lick the rest off of the tip of my penis. [[Sigh]]. Th-th-then at that point, we'd go to the bathroom and wash each other off. We'd take two washcloths, and you'd wash my penis clean, and I'd wash your breasts clean, and I'd reach down and wash your vagina clean. But then we would be just looking at each other lovingly under the covers of the bed, and we'd just be like, "That was so awesome!" And we'd acknowledge each other in some such sense. And that's a good way of me imagining my first time. Ah, well. Oh yeah I usually wear white underwear, by the way. Hmm.. what color are your bra and panties? Purple?

===It's called phone sex===
'''12. It's called phone sex 0:43''' That's fine, but did you enjoy that? The detailed presentation..? [''Sigh''] Did you actually feel like you wet your panties a bit during all that. Then I did good! [''he sounds genuinely happy here''] Awesome. You know, basically, what we went through? Is like phone sex. Have you heard of that?

===How does I sex phone?===
'''13. How does I sex phone? 0:26''' Alright so basically, we're at the point where you're like the woman who, like, wants to get turned on by a man, and you pick up the phone, and I answer it, and you want, and you want me to describe what I would do to you, and how you would - then how you would feel and you would enjoy it so much and yeah. Basically what we just did was like phone sex.

===Perfect Cyber Sex===
'''14. Perfect Cyber Sex: 1:45''' Oh, I'm sorry. Let me turn the volume down on the radio again. [''Sigh''] Uh. Okay. So anyway, so anyway the fake vagina or the cylindrical, or the cylindrical tube with the suction thing in it, yeah, either of them have a USB cord attached to it and I'll plug it into the PSP and then the man would have the suction tube or vagina on his, on the, on the, on his penis, or for the women, it would be like, if, if, because if it was truly like cybersex, then it would be like in relation to like to what was happening live over the internet. Yeah, like similar for you, like similar for you, since you're the, you're the woman, you would get like, uh, a dildo? And on the end of it would be the USB cord right there, you'd plug that in, and the dildo, you, you wouldn't have to pull it like in or out, it would have like a thing attached to it, where it attaches to like, like the groin area probably, and it would just pump itself in and out like the man was, was doing you there. So like I imagine that would be how cybersex would be perfected, at that point.

===Under my coat===
'''15. Under my coat: 0:15''' And now, I am wearing nothing underneath this housecoat. You wanna see?
</div>

==Sonichu spoilers==

===Birthdays===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''1. Birthdays: 0.59''' Hey, everybody's having fun! They're having birthday parties! It starts off with Rosey's birthday, then we've got the Chaotic Combo's birthday on the same day, and then we've got Sonichu's birthday. Then at this point, he's a surprise party so he's coming home from a hot birthday date with Rosechu, and he's dressed up in a tuxedo and she's dressed up in a glitzy ballroom gown and she's got glitter makeup on her. So then they - then she turns on the light and everybody jumps up and yells, "Surprise!" and then on the 4th page, there's just a little private party, just a little private party between Blake and Bubbles. She delivers him a cupcake, and he's just sitting there, and then at one point she's like, "Why don't you go ahead and blow out the candles, blow out the candle and make a wish?" And he's just like, "Well, I'll blow out the candle but I already have my wish." And then they kiss. And make out.

===FUCK YEAH SPRING BREAK!===
'''2. FUCK YEAH SPRING BREAK! 0:43''' And then Bubbles, then Bubbles asks Blake, "Are you gonna come to the spring break party at the beach tomorrow, right?" And he says "Yeah, and I'm gonna put on my little, I'll put on my bad boy show for your gal-pals." And then for the next couple of pages, it's um, yeah, he's pretending, he's pretending to be the bad guy in front of everybody but Bubbles. But Bubbles, only in front of Bubbles, he'll be, he'll be the good boy in addition to the bad boy. [''Bizarre noise''] The bad boy in private! All right so anyway, after that little plot bit, bit between Blake and Bubbles...

===Parody===
'''3. Parody: 1:28''' I'll do a parody of [[Family Guy]] a little bit. It's like, do you remember, [''goofy high pitched voice''] "This is MTV and we're rockin' it with Spring Break!" flippin' through the channels, and then it's like, "Hey! This is VH1 and we're rockin' it live with Spring Break!" And then, "Thousands injured. For CNN, I'm Bernard Shaw. Keepin' it real and keepin' it ours at Spring Break! Woooooooo!" And then Meg would groan. And for my bit, I've got like Umm TV, and then uh, then uh instead of VH1 I have like PH1 and then instead of CNN News, I take a little bit, I borrow a little bit, a parody, borrow a little parody of Fox 20th Century from [''something''] he calls like [''something'']. I have all like six volumes of DVD [''some crap about manga or something''] I realize I was being intrusive upon it, taking, taking after real life.</div>

== See also ==
*[[Chris Sex Videos]]
*[[Christian's sex joke]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

==External links==
*[http://www.last.fm/music/Christian+Weston+Chandler/I+Am+Perverted Recordings on Last.fm]

[[Category:Chatlogs]]
[[Category: PandaHalo Saga]]

{{FanChats}}

Julie Reveals Herself

2015-08-25T16:36:17Z

Meester Siemen: Added "" value which was missing to stop red font leaking into "chats and calls" template.

'''Julie Reveals Herself''' is easily one of the most infamous events of [[trolling]] in the [[CWC]]hronology. It took place in a [[Mumble]] chat that occurred on 3 [[March 2009]].

==Summary==
After being deceived by [[Max]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|earlier in the day]], [[Chris]] retreated to lick his wounds. However, they would cross paths one last time later that night in an hour-long chat, where Max continued his onslaught on the manchild. He threatened to sell Chris's [[PSN]] account on [[eBay]] several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to [[4chan]] as well as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. He also threatened to send [[Julie]] back to Europe, forced Chris to declare [[BILLY MAYS]] as the new Mayor of [[CWCville]], and have Chris imprisoned. But the icing on the [[Cakefarts|cake]] was when Max made Chris destroy his precious [[medallion]] and shove it up his ass. After it was all said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a [[Pickle|little surprise]] for him.

It should be noted that [[Clyde Cash]] and several other trolls were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, the trolls were disgusted and horrified with BlueSpike's evil requests of Chris. Because of these acts, the following day, an explosive troll war took place on ED because of BlueSpike's actions. (See [[BlueSpike|here]] for more information.)

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Julie Reveals Herself
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Aq9Lepe1xjs}}
| Stardate = 3 [[March 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[BlueSpike]], [[Clyde]]
| Saga = {{Julie|text}}
}} </center>

==Transcript==
===eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)===
'''Max:''' [''tape begins with very low quality''] Ready? [''The sound of the trolls voices can be heard, but very faintly. The audio then becomes more audible as Max begins his onslaught on Chris.''] Christian Chandler, hello!
 '''Chris:''' Hello.
 '''Max:''' Aw, why so down in the dumps?
 '''Chris:''' Come on, you know why.
 '''Max:''' WHY? Tell me!
 '''Chris:''' Because you stole my PSN, you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
 '''Max:''' And what did you pick? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' --icked Julie.
 '''Max:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' 'Cause I love her.
 '''Max:''' ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in five seconds: Julie or everything else.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what you say? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba--what you say?
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not going to go back. No.
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Really? You sincerely mean it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, if you don't yell at me one more time, you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your [[fangs]]!
 '''Chris:''' [''makes constipated grunts'']
 '''Max:''' [''maniacal laughter''] Are you constipated? [''high-pitched squealing in delight''] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump...oh, look out, he's reachin' [[Dragon Ball Z|Super Saiyan]]! You're not mad, you pathetic ''wimp.''
 '''Chris:''' [''another angry constipated sound'']
 '''Max:''' You disgust me! Oh, why don't you [[A message to the Trolls|smack the webcam around some]]? You're a bitch! You're not going to get my sister that way.
 '''Chris:''' [''[[sigh]]''] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get--you want me to get angry, I got angry.
 '''Max:''' That's not angry, you're a--you're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no.
 '''Max:''' No. It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, you leave it off!
 '''Max:''' Yes! eBay!
 '''Chris:''' No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no.
 '''Max:''' [''laughter''] eBay...eBay...
 '''Chris:''' No! No! Stop. Stop it.
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Stop. I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
 '''Chris:''' [''multiple sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Face it, Chris, it's mine.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not--no, no, no. No.
 '''Max:''' No matter how many times you say "no" like that, it's not going to change it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Say "[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008|buh bye bay nose]]".
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, repeat that?
 '''Max:''' Say that "I'm a [[homo]]."
 '''Chris:''' [''grudgingly and incoherently''] Ermnahomo...
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
 '''Chris:''' [''muffled''] Ermahomo...
 '''Max:''' Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
 '''Chris:''' I'm a hommomu—
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Either--then say it louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''screams''] {{RageQuote|I!!! AM A HOMO!!!}}
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no!
 '''Max:''' [''mockingly''] No, that's not okay, Mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
 '''Chris:''' No. You have got— No, no, no! No, don't you dare!
 '''Max:''' Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind.
 '''Chris:''' ...rrRRRRAAGHHH {{RageQuote|YOU FUCKING SUCK SO HARD!!!}}
 '''Max:''' [''breathing during fits of laughter''] Aw, and you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong. Prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry muffled noise'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, I'm making the manchild--are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna--you're, you're just--uou just really are dumb. It--it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' NO! No! No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' You leave it off of eBay.
 '''Max:''' eBay! Yes, yes.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|STOOOOOP!!!}}
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
 '''Chris:''' Stop it, I dunno. Look, look, look—
 '''Max:''' Alright, listen, listen. Look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry...and I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You're not putting it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your fangs?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Stop.
 '''Max:''' No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. [''thunks twice''] eBay. Look, eBay. [''keys clicking''] eBay.com.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Stop!
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop! What do you want?
 '''Max:''' I want to sell your PSN on the pi--uh...
 '''Chris:''' [''pitch rising, he's getting desperate''] [[Chris and negotiation|I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme--gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it--]]
 '''Max:''' No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN 'cause you picked Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Look, please. Alright, fine, listen, listen—
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop, stop, just listen to me, please.
 '''Max:''' Umm, how should I label this? Oh! Thousand dollar worth PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Stop! Stop!
 '''Max:''' Hacked by Max Milvana.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop.
 '''Max:''' Starting bid...a hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
 '''Max:''' I can have it?
 '''Chris:''' But just— But just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Okay!
 '''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just...[''clap''] just LEAVE IT OFF OF EBAY, PLEASE!
 '''Max:''' It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause, sigh''] Yes, but please, just don't sell it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why.
 '''Chris:''' Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
 '''Max:''' I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
 '''Chris:''' How many gigabytes does your [[PlayStation 3]] have?
 '''Max:''' What? I think it's like an 80-gigabyte; i-it came with ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'', so...
 '''Chris:''' [''self-satisfied sigh''] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than 80 gigabytes, [[Adult Swim#King of the Hill|I'll tell you what]].
 '''Max:''' Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff?
 '''Max:''' Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Let's see...I think I might have a friend in [[Wikipedia:New Brunswick|New Brunswick]] that wants this, I don't know.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No.
 '''Max:''' Where's my phone? Oh, here it is. [''dials'']
 '''Chris:''' Listen, listen. You--you--you keep my account, okay? You keep my account and—
 '''Max:''' And I'll put it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' —leave it alone. No.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]]. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake, and he's going to defile your name.
 '''Chris:''' No, leave it off. No, no. No!
 '''Max:''' I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] I'm going to give it to 4-cent-garbage! And Encyclopedia Dramatica. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that, they're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, stop, stop.
 '''Max:''' Donation: 1,000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
 '''Chris:''' [''getting louder and whinier''] No, just stop, just stooooop!
 '''Max:''' How--yeah, why don't you yell some louder. Why don't you yell--why don't you wake the dead with your howling...come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] {{RageQuote|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!}}
 '''Max:''' You--you yell like a pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] {{RageQuote|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!}}
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, yell louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] {{RageQuote|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!}}
 '''Max:''' Uh oh, I won't like you when you're mad! Oh wait, I do, because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
 '''Chris:''' Alright...
 '''Max:''' Suck my dick.
 '''Chris:''' How can I do you--how can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
 '''Max:''' I'll go all the way to [[Virginia]]. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to [[The GAMe PLACe]], apologize to [[Michael Snyder|the manager]], and suck HIS dick. I want you to record it and put it on [[YouTube]].
 '''Chris:''' Aaaaah...please, don't be--don't be such a meanie.
 '''Max:''' Oh, "meanie"?! Fuck YOU! Suck your manager's dick.
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, listen, alright? Listen, just listen.
 '''Max:''' Listen to what?
 '''Chris:''' Max--Max, you are a great being. You are--you're a humble person. Please, I'm only a lowly--I'm only a lowly servant among your trestles.
 '''Max:''' [''disbelieving''] Wha...uh...what...uh...
 '''Chris:''' I only ask you— I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
 '''Max:''' Sh...sh...SHUT UP! You can have--you can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
 '''Chris:''' But listen, I—
 '''Max:''' No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, stop. Look, I'm putting myself--I'm putting yourself on your mercy here. Please, just leave my— Just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance, you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance, you fucking monkey! [''squeaks/laughs''] Alright, you--stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like [[Chris and death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|Michael Jackson]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes panting sounds, presumably dancing'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] What the fuck? Oh, don't! No, don't! Oh, no more! No more. When you
[[So Need a Cute Girl#Live performance|grabbed your crotch]], that was enough. Hey, Chris, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, $1,000-worth PSN account hacked...I'm going to start the bid at $500.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] You win. Win. I give up.
 '''Max:''' What? I win? It's mine?.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please?
 '''Max:''' It's gone.
 '''Chris:''' Look, you can have it, you can—
 '''Max:''' I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|the cat crap you slip on]]. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Chris holds Max at Duckpoint (11:16-14:00)===
'''Max:''' What are you going to do? Mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man, you fucking pussy? Come on. No, no. "But" nothing, you're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No...
 '''Max:''' No, sit right there, like a bitch. You stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there. You ''are'' a bitch. You've got a big old set of...ovaries...NO!!! NO, NO!!! DON'T!!! OK. OK. OK. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you [[Pedofork|pedofffork]]. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal, indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actu--
 '''Max:''' Don't...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actually exposed.
 '''Max:''' Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just--just don't.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' That's where I cross the line.
 '''Chris:''' Fine. That's wh--selling--selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line.
 '''Max:''' Well, it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line...
 '''Max:''' No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it anymore, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick, I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woohoo!
 '''Chris:''' Look, okay— No, listen, stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You take it off of eBay and I'll pull my pants back up--
 '''Max:''' No. It's--it's already on eBay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute. There's something behind you. Move so that I can see behind you...oh! That's the [[Fapcup|cup]] from [[Target]], isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What is it then?
 '''Chris:''' It's the--it's a [[McDonald's]] TEA cup!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some [[Manboobs|man-tits]] going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for $1.
 '''Chris:''' Wait. What?
 '''Max:''' And if you fucking start with me one more time, it's going on eBay for a dollar.

===Dance like a Gay Man (14:00-15:38)===
'''Max:''' Hey, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' I actually...I'm not gonna send Julie over there anyway. I'm not gonna help her to see you.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. You stop. Y-y-y--we had an agreement. I picked Julie!
 '''Max:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping.
 '''Chris:''' No! You--you help her over here...
 '''Max:''' [''drowning out Chris''] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can positively disgust you?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, which you already do, so...
 '''Chris:''' Look, please, I'm--I'm begging, I'm begging you--I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please--
 '''Max:''' No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' How about, Chris--
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself--I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' I can't even see you.
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance for my amusement. Dance like a gay man!
 '''Chris:''' [''makes shuffling and rustling sounds'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like...Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]].

===Medallion or PSN? (15:38-18:14)===
'''Max:''' Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your medallion?
 '''Chris:''' [''exasperated sigh''] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it.
 '''Max:''' Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or--no, no, no. I'm not going to give you that...uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
 '''Chris:''' I might--
 '''Max:''' You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' What about Julie?
 '''Max:''' You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN. Then you won't get Julie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, I'm getting it.
 '''Max:''' Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you, shithead, I'm not.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here...
 '''Max:''' Oh, oh! And one— One more thing? Hey, Chris, I want--I want you to [[Semen|jizz]] on it before you burn it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Jizz?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and— Oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of [[CWCville]]. Say it. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, what does "jizz" mean?
 '''Max:''' Oh, "what does 'jizz' mean?" I'm telling you to [[mass debate]] on it, you stupid dick.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly--really quickly, Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. [''claps twice''] Can you do this? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it loud.
 '''Chris:''' [''confused''] Billy Mays?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, Billy Mays. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Who the hell is he?
 '''Max:''' BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN! [''long pause''] Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can. [''more silence''] Come on, [[autism]] metal block!! What--what the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides, soldier.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I don't want my PSN anymore. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care.
 '''Max:''' Alright, I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' Go ahead.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)===
'''Max:''' Chris, do what I want, or I'm not going to send Julie over there. How about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' That's a good boy.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're sending Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. If you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs: "Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville!" [''pause''] Come on. Do it!
 '''Chris:''' [''in a droning voice''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Louder, you fucking pussy!
 '''Chris:''' [''slightly louder''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Stop saying it in your fucking...dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighs, raises his voice''] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail.
 '''Chris:''' And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.
 '''Max:''' "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.
 '''Chris:''' Where he will be raped by a bunch of [[niggos]].
 '''Max:''' [''giggling''] No, say "niggers", you stupid twat.
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Niggers.]]
 '''Max:''' Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''loudly''] Niggerrrrs!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Louder.
 '''Chris:''' Don't...[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|don't trust them new niggers over there]].
 '''Max:''' No! No, shut up. You ruined that...fucking joke. Now, Chris, I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it...no, no, no, no, no. Mass debate on it first, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''voice shaking''] I'd rather just burn it, please...
 '''Max:''' No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of [[stress]]!
 '''Max:''' Well, I know--I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|think of men's dicks]], that'll probably help.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Just the opposite!
 '''Max:''' Oh yeah, uh--yeah, men's balls. Sorry, men's balls.
 '''Chris:''' That's not the opposite, I— That's not the opposite, too.
 '''Max:''' You're right. Men's butts.
 '''Chris:''' [''enraged''] THAT, THU--THAT IS EVEN WORSE!!!
 '''Max:''' Oh, you're right. Men's faces.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry growling noises'']
 '''Max:''' Those [[The Creepy Stare|persuasive eyes]], they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming''] THEY ARE NOT--{{RageQuote|YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD!!! I HAVE TO PICTURE A WOMAN!!!}}
 '''Max:''' You're gonna stick it in your--you're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt, ah, ah, [[wikipedia:What What (In the Butt)|what, what, in the butt]]?!

===Losing the Plot (20:40-22:03)===
'''Max:''' Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there, where I can see it.
 '''Chris:''' [''pissed off''] I gotta get a match or something.
 '''Max:''' Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. [''screaming''] [[A-Logging|I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!!]] Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. [''pause''] How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? [''long pause''] Hey, Chris? [''still silence''] Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt: make your choice. [''silence''] Ah, interrogating autistics, it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. [''long pause''] Christian, if you don't answer me within the next 5 seconds, I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. [''silence''] 5...4...3...2...1. Alright there, I guess...hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me. [''the worst girl voice ever''] Oh no! [''normal voice''] Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic! Before I bust a fucking cap...or something. [''silence''] [[Jerk]]. I mean, you ''are'' a jerk.
 '''Chris:''' [''rustling'']

===Wut Wut? (22:03-35:20)===
'''Max:''' Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have 5 seconds before I fucking send my, uh--you have 5 seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe. 5...4...321--OH! Too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me, Chris, I have to tell you one thing first. You have an alternative. [''Chris is rustling''] Are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Now, you have an alternative: either burn it ''or'' shove it up your butt. [''mocking''] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do?
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' You're gonna...you're going to shove it up your butt?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other.
 '''Max:''' No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it.
 '''Chris:''' You're going to see this.
 '''Max:''' What are you going to show me? What the--what are you going to show me? No, no, no, no. If you burn it, I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it, I'll send Julie back to Europe...don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' Alright, shove it up your--
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to shove it up my butt...But I have to divide it.
 '''Max:''' No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
 '''Chris:''' You want me to shove it up my butt, the whole thing?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and don't— And don't take it out, just shove it up until...do it in a video.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rustling'']
 '''Max:''' And make sure you take pictures!
 '''Chris:''' [''more rustling'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, get this! [''laughing'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing'']
 '''Max:''' Actually, Chris--Chris, no, no, no. I decided--yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky. You have to cut it up first. So yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Uhhh—
 '''Max:''' No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Just let me cut it.
 '''Max:''' Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting...
 '''Max:''' [''slips into his Massachusetts accent''] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Terrible.
 '''Max:''' How does it feel?
 '''Chris:''' Harsh. Cold.
 '''Max:''' [''mocking''] "Cold."
 '''Chris:''' Heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, ''me''? ''I'm'' heartless?
 '''Chris:''' No. This act, I'm calling it heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' While you're thinking, this will help. Call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can.
 '''Chris:''' Ya fucking douchebag!
 '''Max:''' [''A [[dog]] goes "AWOWOWOWOWO!" in the background''] You suck. You suck...nigger dicks. I have a nigger, you know. I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Alright, so you said "yes". I'll call him. Hey, Darnell. Darnell, come over here.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said no!
 '''Max:''' This guy wants to suck your dick!
 '''Chris:''' I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' Well, I think Darnell is too, umm— I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to.
 '''Chris:''' I said— I said— I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' No you didn't, I— I heard yes. Darnell— Darnell, I think he said "yes". He said "yes", Darnell. Yes.
 '''Chris:''' I said no! I said no!
 '''Max:''' Um, fine, shit all over your butt. Whatever. Darnell's going to watch, though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing, grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this. Also, while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No, this is bad enough.
 '''Max:''' Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No problem, I've got the camera on.
 '''Max:''' So wait, you're recording this, too?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Oh, God! You're recording it AND you're showing it live? Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on [[Skype]].
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Wait, are you recording it right now?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' OK, so, yeah, we saw you cu— The camera saw you cutting?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Alright, that's...wonderful. [''laughs''] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt. Can you say one thing?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, system beep''] Can I talk to Julie?
 '''Max:''' After you do this, yes.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my rump?
 '''Max:''' Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass."
 '''Chris:''' Up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!", okay? You have to do this, or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there, and while you do it, say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''singing''] I see a [''unintelligible''] of a man. It's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [''laughing''] Come on, hurry up. Oh, God, it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, goddammit. Oh, goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
 '''Chris:''' ...Maybe.
 '''Max:''' No, no, really? Tell me the— Tell me the truth. Did you?
 '''Chris:''' [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Yeah.]]
 '''Max:''' Whatever, just— Just— Yeah, just— Put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just—
Just— Just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long, please. [''laughing''] [[Family Guy|Insert Rod A into Slot B.]] Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [''laughing''] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up. Shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE!!! Yes, yes. Please! Please, do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!?
 '''Chris:''' [''groan''] I'm tired.
 '''Max:''' No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out.
 '''Chris:''' [''uncomfortable groaning'']
 '''Max:''' How does this make you feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''grunt''] Miserable.
 '''Max:''' How miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Totally miserable.
 '''Max:''' Oh, really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Well, that's too bad!
 '''Chris:''' [''grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, you sound like [[Wikipedia:Chewbacca|Chewbacca]]'s taking a shit. [''does a Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Chris:''' [''does his own Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, no. Just— Just— Just shut up. Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I stop what?
 '''Max:''' I said shut up. Don't— Don't even ruin Chewbacca.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You miserable pile of dick. Err! Oh, God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor [[Sonichu]] is going to look like Brownichu.
 '''Troll:''' BLUESPIKE!!! NO. MORE.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Brown-Stain Sonichu, with the power to cha—
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking groaning''] Keep going.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Troll 2:''' BlueSpike, stop that shit.
 '''Troll 3:''' This is awful.
 '''Max:''' [''background noise of small dog barking and door shutting'']
 '''Chris:''' [''groaning''] It don't wanna go in.
 '''Max:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' It don't wanna go in. In there.
 '''Max:''' Then keep trying. Make some room in there.
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, stop this shit.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful grunt'']
 '''Troll:''' Stop it. Really.
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine. Stop.
 '''Chris:''' Stop?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Don't take 'em out, though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright.
 '''Max:''' Now pull your pants up.
 '''Chris:''' One second.
 '''Troll:''' Blue, let him...
 '''Max:''' Yo, Chris, this is what I strive for. Watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing, now that I've seen it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' Blue, tell him he can take it out.
 '''Troll:''' God''dam''mit, BlueSpike. God ''damn''.
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Be right back. Excuse me.
 '''Max:''' Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man?
 '''Chris:''' I just want to wash my hands!
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. You can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands, I will not send Julie to Europe.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You cannot wash your hands.
 '''Chris:''' I can go wash my hands?
 '''Max:''' No, no, I said don't! Don't!
 '''Chris:''' Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

===Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)===
'''Max:''' How does it feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Terrible.
 '''Max:''' Really? How terrible?
 '''Chris:''' Ass-stinkingly terrible.
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
 '''Chris:''' No, this is enough.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no. You're not the one making the choices.
 '''Chris:''' [''long sigh''] Enough.
 '''Max:''' Chris, how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm...
 '''Chris:''' Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots, you fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do? What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do?
 '''Chris:''' What do ''I'' want to do?
 '''Max:''' Yeah— No, no, no. I mean, what ''could'' you do that might amuse me?
 '''Chris:''' What could I do that might amuse you...?
 '''Max:''' I have a good idea, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I just thought of something.
 '''Max:''' No, no. I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Well, I don't— I told you, I can't— I could not find any matches at this time.
 '''Max:''' No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the— Go to the store and get some matches then.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [''sings''] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—"
 '''Max:''' No! Shut up, just shut up, just shut the fuck up! [''laughs''] Shut the fuck up! Shut the FUCK up! I have a good idea: burn your house down.
 '''Troll:''' Goddammit, you idiot!
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27s_House|I'm not going to burn my house down.]]
 '''Max:''' Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming.
 '''Chris:''' I just want Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] If I burn my house down, then we— Then she won't have a place to come ''to''.
 '''Max:''' You have a point, you have a point. Chris, there is something— There is something...
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike. Stop it.

===Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)===
'''Max:''' Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the [[Mumble]]. Julie's going to talk to you there, it's important.
 '''Troll:''' Ten points.
 '''Troll:''' Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
 '''Troll:''' Augh, BlueSpike...
 '''Chris:''' No, unfortunately I cannot—
 '''Max:''' No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there!
 '''Chris:''' I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it—
 '''Max:''' Then use the PSEye, that's the only chance you have.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not— I'm gonna tell Julie. I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure it's you.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Fine.
 '''Max:''' Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the [[PSEye]], get the PSEye...
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, hang on.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna kick you in the PSEye if you don't shut up.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' You better, or I'm gonna have to drop your ass.
 '''Chris:''' No. Just...sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSEye. Alright?
 '''Max:''' Fine. Yes. And make sure that it works before you come in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' If I may say one thing, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm just trying to find— I'm just trying to...do a— I've just proven I can do most anything for my true love.
 '''Max:''' Alright, then, get in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm gettin'— Alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here.
 '''Max:''' Gonna kick you in the twist-tie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, then long silence''] Working on this.
 '''Max:''' What's on the [[TV]], Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I've just turned it on to the [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]], whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it, anyway. [''At 41:31, you can hear what vaguely sounds like "[[wikipedia:Have I Told You Lately|Have I Told You Lately]]" by [[I Gotta Make My Move|Rod Stewart]], meaning that what's on the TV is likely [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeVybJmtMFA this infomercial from Time-Life]''] Alright, I'm tryin' for you— Tryin' to make this work. [''heavy sigh, then more silence''] Walter Grisby, do... I'm testing— I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in.
 '''Max:''' Does it work?
 '''Chris:''' [''snippy''] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware. It's waiting to find software for this hardware.
 '''Max:''' Software for the hardware?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. That's what I just said: software for the hardware.
 '''Max:''' Yes...
 '''Chris:''' The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software.
 '''Max:''' And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work: the ''Hey You, Pikachu!'' mike.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Still didn't hear you, what did you say?
 '''Max:''' And you don't have any other microphone that works?
 '''Chris:''' At this time, I do not.
 '''Max:''' You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Chris? Chris!
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' What're you doing, taking a dump?
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] No, I'm trying to turn my chair around so I can turn the volume down on the radio!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] You're so fuckin' whiny!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowned out by Max briefly''] ...behind me! It could— It could fall on to me any second!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I hope it does!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking sigh''] What's wrong now, Chrissy?
 '''Chris:''' [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it!]]
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Let me tell you something, I've still got the— I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts!
 '''Max:''' I wasn't... I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about asking you to burn your [[house]] down. I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' There.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Apology accepted?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes.
 '''Max:''' Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here! I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''sigh''] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad.
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not working fast enough!
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can't help this computer's speed!
 '''Max:''' Do you know how to get the mike working?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get a mike working!
 '''Max:''' I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying?
 '''Chris:''' [''whines''] I'm trying!
 '''Max:''' Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour.
 '''Chris:''' Hold on a second.
 '''Max:''' We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy.
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait...
 '''Max:''' Well, what're you going through? Audio Wizard?
 '''Chris:''' I got something working.
 '''Max:''' What would that be?
 '''Chris:''' A mike.
 '''Max:''' So, it's working?
 '''Chris:''' It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Julie will meet you there. [''suppressed laugh''] Goodbye.

===Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)===
'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, hi, hi. I'm gonna put my earphones on.
 '''Julie:''' Hi.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Hey.
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie?
 '''Julie:''' There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while...
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Julie:''' Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, yes, uh, go ahead and tell me now.
 '''Julie:''' Do you really wanna know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' [''sigh''] I can't, not right now.
 '''Chris:''' C'mon, please?
 '''Julie:''' No. I can't.
 '''Chris:''' Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you just now.
 '''Julie:''' Why, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart.
 '''Julie:''' Oooh, this is so hard for me to say.
 '''Chris:''' You love me, don't you?
 '''Julie:''' I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't... I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes?
 '''Female Troll:''' Blue, he's not there.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Fuuuuck!
 '''Troll:''' Give him some time.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Yeah, I-I came back now, I won— I wonder what happened there.
 '''Julie:''' I don't know, but this is... Can you talk with the [[fans]] for, like, 5 minutes? And then I'll tell you, please?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, could you...
 '''Julie:''' Actually, no. No, I'm ready to tell you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Julie:''' This whole time, Chris...you've been...
 '''BlueSpike:''' ...having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you sick fuck!
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. I'm a 13-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to [[Wikipedia:Chris Hansen|Chris Hansen]], you fuckin' pedofork, so you better get the fuck out now—
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:'''—before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Now, wait a minute—
 '''BlueSpike:''' I'd hurry.
 '''Chris:''' I did not— I did not know you were a 13-year-old.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Fine, I'll lea—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me, Chris, now— No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait. Now, I'm— Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip. Now, I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] How do you explain...?
 '''BlueSpike:''' There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [''whispers''] She died 5 years ago. Who have you been talking to? A BOY! Tell me, Chris. You know, I... Yes, please do speak.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, what do you want me to tell you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a 13-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do.
 '''Chris:''' [''shell-shocked monotone''] I do not.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me?
 '''Chris:''' I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you— If you really want your self-dignity... If you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' So, what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone?
 '''Chris:''' It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh''] Fine, how about this. I take a—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all. Clyde?
 '''Clyde:''' What up?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes... He finally found out he was - I expected a bit more of a shitstorm - that he's been having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy like a sick fuck.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[''mocking kiddie voice''] a [[boyfriend-free girl]]? Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number.
 '''Clyde:''' Hello, hello, Chris. On that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone. We were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But...
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, there is.
 '''BlueSpike:''' There ''was'', but she died.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, we'll have to go with the "died" part, she's real— She actually is in Ohio, but...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Let me tell you something, Chris. About the wildfires I told you about, I truly was the one who started them.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay. Now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing...
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, this is going kinda crazy. I mean, you sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that...
 '''Chris:''' I thought— I thought she— I thought...
 '''BlueSpike:''' How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' You just sound— I know what a woman sounds like! [''explosion of disbelief from all listeners'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, no, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up and let me talk to him. Shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want? Do you want your PSN back?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, c'mon, please?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, it's gonna be sold.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay. I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your [[PS3]]. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow, but it was all fake. It was all, all fake.
 '''Clyde:''' I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris...
 '''Clyde:''' [''talking over BlueSpike''] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker Shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole Internet life has been a lie. There are no ''Sonichu'' fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen?
 '''Chris:''' I'm listening.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me...
 '''Clyde:''' Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times. What is this, the ninth time so far?
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think it's the tenth, actually.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [''chorus of "JULAAY" from the trolls'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie. You disgust me...
 '''Clyde:''' And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty sad.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. "Gimme back my account, you fucking dick!"
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, you can appeal to your— What's left of your fans, at least...
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not crying!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you are, you pathetic fuck.
 '''Chris:''' I am not!
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike. You're a little too mean... Well, whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You're right. If I may inform you, Chris. I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase?
 '''Clyde:''' That is true, but there's also... Oh, yeah, that's hilarious! [[Anna]], by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it...
 '''Clyde:''' You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times... And you still believed...
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''mocking''] "I believe you, because I've heard your [[honest]] and true voice!"
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Goodbye. [''hangs up'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think we hurt him pretty bad.
 '''Troll:''' Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I...stop the recording now?
 [''Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem|''Duke Nukem'']] meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".'']
 '''Female Troll:''' Stop, stop, stop, stop...!
 '''Troll:''' Ballsballsballsballsballsballs.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I stop recording?
 [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?75fhxy3n9yc1662 MP3 of the audio.]
*[http://db.tt/iDXSR3LV Mirror of MP3]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1

2015-08-25T16:32:20Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Update of dead link.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1''' is the first call between [[Chris]] and [[Asperchu|Alec]], which took place on 22 [[January 2010]].

==Summary==

Chris and Alec discuss the size and location of [[Asperpedia]] advertisements on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris tries to dictate the content of Alec's ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by telling him to tone down the amount of violence in the series. He also goes on to tell Alec to rename Asperchu's versions of the [[Chaotic Combo]] characters to the names created in [[Wikipedia:Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Alec questions how Chris can hold a [[copyright]] on [[Sonichu]] when Sonichu is in fact a [[Pokémon]], a derivative of another creator's copyrighted work, after which Chris jumps to change the subject to avoid admitting that Alec has a point. (Chris similarly avoids or ignores the obvious truth about his "original" characters in other conversations with Alec.) Alec also confronts Chris's ill-will towards Asperchu and Alec himself by bringing up the pages of ''Sonichu'' #10 where Chris drew his super-form breaking into Alec's house and destroying his website and computer. Chris retaliates by saying that Alec's killing of Chris's fictional characters in ''Asperchu'' justifies his fantasies of committing destruction of property and theft. Chris becomes increasingly [[stress]]ed out as the call goes on and eventually hangs up on Alec, claiming that his phone's battery is running low.
{{clear}}

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Evo0VcCfS1M}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = n/a
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

===Transcript ===

'''Alec''': Hi, is this... is this, uh, Christian Weston Chandler?

'''Chris''': Yeah, this is Christian, may I help you?

'''Alec''': Hi Chris, um... this is Alec Benson Leary. Is it o- Is it okay if we talk?

'''Chris''': Oh yes. Uh... Sure. Yes. So uh...

'''Alec''': Okay. Good. Well, uh, there's a couple of things I wanted to talk about tonight. Um, first of all, uh... Well I understand you've got a... you've got a problem with the ads that are on [[CWCipedia]]? Can you... Can you tell me a little bit more about um... I kinda want to have, you know, get a compromise and- and settle this 'cause... 'cause I don't... I don't want anybody to be angry.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, um... yeah. I'll let you have your ads on the CWCipedia but don't make them too big, and uh, leave 'em in the side bar.

'''Alec''': Okay... um...

'''Chris''': [''Interrupts''] I don't want- I don't want- I do not want them in- I do not want them c... c... covering over... the introductory box or any- or anything else where I have to scroll down even to edit the pages. Or even to log in.

'''Alec''': Okay, um. Well I understand-

'''Chris''': So- so Okay cool. Just keep your ads on the sidebar.

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah, my friend [[Asperchu|Mao]], he um, he actually makes the ads for me. I- I didn't make them myself but um, I can try to talk to him about that? Um, about the size.

'''Chris''': Okay. Alright.

'''Alec''': As for like, where on the CWCipedia they are, um... I don't know if Mao controls that or not, I don't think he does. I think... I'm not sure what controls like where the adspace goes, y'know, on the website itself. I mean, I'll talk to Mao about it but I'm not sure if he controls that either.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': Yeah like, I can talk to him, so. But you might want to talk to your web manager or whatever, 'cause... 'cause they set up the way the adspace goes, you know?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and also, just uh, just one more concern of mine upon- uh, yeah, I've uh, read your pages on the ''Asperchu'' comic. But the-and the recent pages, what do you think you're doing- what do you think you- what do you think you're parodying, ''[[Wikipedia:Happy Tree Friends|Happy Tree Friends]]''?

'''Alec''': Um... W... What- ''Happy Tree Friends''? What's that?

'''Chris''': [''Sighs''] It's supposed to be like a happy [[Honest Content|TV-Y]] show, but it's actually- it's actually adult and dark humor because they go into cut-slashing all the cute characters up and uh, it's- well all the blood and gore and everything, and yet they make them come- th- they make them come back to life unharmed the very next episode, just to slice and duh- slice and dice 'em up again.

'''Alec''': Oh. Um, I've actually never heard of that series. Is that- What is, is that on [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] or...

'''Chris''': [''Talking over Alec''] ye- yeah... no you can look it up on [[Netflix]].

'''Alec''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah that's a good place. But anyway, yeah, blood and gore. Yeah, that's not a good way to go, especially when you kill, even con- even considerable facsimiles of my own characters in that sense, and in that detail.

'''Alec''': Well you know, um, I actually- I got a lot of uh, actually positive response from my fans when I did that, um... Because you know, some of my fans have, some of my fans have-- [''trails off as Chris interrupts'']

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, that's another thing. Yeah that's another thing. Encourage [[Fanbase|the fans that were originally my fans]] to come back to me. I would appreciate that.

'''Alec''': Uh, Well I, I mean, y-you know I-I-I tell my fans all about you all the time, Chris, because, you know, like I've told you in a lot of the letters I've written to you you were a big in- inspiration for me. But um, you know, I don't really know what to say to my- y'know, my fans as far as that goes, I mean... They uh, they love my comic. I mean, they love it. I get a lot, I get a lot of fanmail about it, I mean...

'''Chris''': Yeah, okay. Um, okay how about this, uh, just to make it equal, um, put an advertisement for the CWCipedia on uh- on the Asperpedia. About as much as the Asperpedia ads are on my CWCipedia.

'''Alec''': Um, well, uh, yeah, we might be able to work something out, you know. [''Chris continues to try and interrupt Alec.''] You'd probably want to contact Mao, 'cause he's my manager. He... he does all the, y'know, the grunt work on Asperpedia. Um, I-I'm not even sure, like what, like how selling the adspace works, but I'm sure he'd be willing to sell you some adspace on Asperpedia. We could definitely try to work something like that out.

'''Chris''': [''small sigh, in a whispered tone''] ''Yeah, so anyway, yes...'' Alright well- alright well, h- Mao and I can talk through e-mail.

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah. Yeah 'cause, you can- I mean, I, like I said I don't know the details but I know adspace is up for purchase, so...

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright. Alright, well then, we got it settled on- at least uh, your ads on my CWCipedia. And, uh, yeah, ease up on the- not so much blood and gore. And, uh, try to bring my fans- let my- take m- direct my- redirect my fans back to me.

'''Alec''': Um... well, uh, y-you know, uh... I-I'm trying to think of- of a- a good way to say this, but you know, i- i- we are- we are in kind of a, like a- a friendly competition if you will. I mean, we're, y'know, we're- we're both [[Chris and Art|artists]], kind of, y'- i- I mean, I don- I don't really- I-I mean, it doesn't really make sense for an artist to say to his fans, "Hey, hey guys, don't, uh, don't follow me anymore, go back to, y'know, this other artist." I mean, I mean, wo- would you do that to- for your fans? Would you say, "Hey, hey fans, go- go talk to Alec," or "go watch Alec's cartoon," or anyone else's cartoon, really? No, you want- you want the fans to follow you, right?

'''Chris''': Um. Okay, um. Okay, yeah, I can understand that. Um, okay, um.

'''Alec''': Yeah, Mm-hmm.

'''Chris''': Well since, well since you and I are on- are on okay, agreeing mutua- ah- uh- okay talking tones right now...

'''Alec''': Mmm-hmm?

'''Chris''':... how about I, uh, how about I just, uh, re- how 'bout I just, uh, remove all the bad talk I have- I have against you, and then start- and then start saying that, I- that you're- that you're ''okayyy'', that your- your- your s- your- your co- your, uh, comics are okaaaay, that- and uh, you know, you- ah- y'know, but still saying like, you know, I would appreciate it if you would stay being my fans, but, y'know, if you want to go look at, uh, your w- go look at his work and- that's fine I can't stop you there, but y'know, [''Alec tries to interject.''] [''stuttering''] I think you asked- I think you asked me long ti-

'''Alec''': Well actually, I'm glad that you're- I'm glad that you're bringing this up 'cause, um, uh, y- I do say we're on friendly terms right now and I'd like to keep it that way because, your- you know, I- I- I got my start because of you, um, but to be- to be honest, I want to be honest and frank, y-uh, with you.

'''Chris''': Mm. Mm.

'''Alec''': Um, you made a couple of videos. And I don't- I don't watch all your videos but I-I do try to keep up, I mean I spent a lot of time drawing comics, so I don't have a lot of time to, y'know, watch videos anymore but um, I saw a couple of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|videos]] where you, uh, you actually threatened me with uh, y'know, physical puni...

'''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Umm, yeah. Okay well...

'''Alec''': [''Trying to talk''] And that didn't make me feel--

'''Chris''': [''Talking over Alec''] I was uh, I was, well I was more aaangry back then because it was an immediate, uh, response, but now things have settled down and we're talking okay. [''Alec attempts to speak''] I can- I'll make- I can make a new video jus' saying like, you know, I apologize for those threats, and uh, that things are okay here.

'''Alec''': Okay and, and about uh, you um- also the video where you, uh... you wanted [[Patti Chandler|your- your dog]] to eat me, or something like that, you- you- your dog to eat my soul, I mean that- I- I- Like, the [[death threats]] were kind of scary to begin with, but that, that was just disturbing, Chris, I- [''trails off'']

'''Chris''': Mm, yeah, okay, okay yeah, well I'll- okay, well I- I'll take- I'll take that back as well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec''': Okay, and, and um, that- that kind of leads me into another point, um you, you're under the impression that, um... that I was, that I was besmirching your dog in my comic, and I'm not really sure what you mean by that. ['''Chris''' ''interrupts: Well, you're j- I- It's just tha-''] Could you explain to me?

'''Chris''': Okay well, the villain, the dog- the dog in your comic, i- it looks simila- it looks similar to my dog, especially around the green neckerchief and, uh, other parts that are green on that dog. ['''Alec''': ''Well, I mean, y'know, Chris, that's just...''] And the, and the shape of the dog, just looks like my dog.

'''Alec''': Well it's just a-a lot of dogs look like that, Chris, I mean a lot of... it- i- i- it's just a neckerchief, I mean, y'know, it's just a little flair for the dog. That doesn't mean it's your dog. I- Y'know...

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I think- I think honestly you kind of make that, uh, assumption with a lot of my characters, 'cause it seems like you think that, um, a lot of my characters were y'know, like ripping off your characters, or- or even you yourself, because you said that Asperchu was...

'''Chris''': Yeah- Yeah, Buddha- Yeah, [[Obesity|Buddha belly]] and the [[Muscle bra|manboobs]] and the [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]...

'''Alec''': Well I mean, Chris, y- y'know, Asperchu is not a--

'''Chris''': Oh, and the [[Love quest|sweetheart search]] thing and the [[Crystal Weston Chandler|future daughter]].

'''Alec''': Well I mean, c- Asperchu's not a [[parody]], Chris, I mean he's an original creation, like...

'''Chris''': Okay... Uhhkay.

'''Alec''': You know, y'know, just because he has, y'know, the glasses, and the Buddha belly, and the- and- and the- the manboobs, and... and the goatee, you know, that doesn't make him a parody of you. I mean, that's... And y- and besides you said you had the past Budd-

==Part 2==

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ysPFqIRSqtY}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Alec''': -I mean, how could it be a parody of you if, if your belly is in the past, and Asperchu has it currently?

'''Chris''': If I-if I, you, you mean if I, yeah, [[Lie|currently do not have the Buddha belly]].

'''Alec''': Well, e- e- exactly, so Asperchu can't be a parody of you, right?

'''Chris''': Okay. Well...

'''Alec''': I mean, doesn't that- that makes sense to me, does it... doesn't that make sense to you?

'''Chris''': Okay, I s- yeah, that's fine. Umm...

'''Alec''': I mean, it's just a little- it seems- it seems a little [[naïve]] to- to think that, y'know, Asperchu and- and e- everything are parodies of your char- I mean- I mean, I do include some of your characters in the comic, and those- those- yeah. But my original characters are purely original. Asperchu... nothing about Asperchu is a parody. [''Chris tries to interrupt, but Alec continues''] And actually- actually, I'd kinda... I'd kinda like you to, uh... when you issue your retraction video to, to um, y'know, to let everyone know that Asperchu is original and is not a parody in any way. Or- Or if there- there- y'know, I- and- oh, and, and you did mention that I don't have a disclaimer on my comics, but uh, that made me think I should create a disclaimer and so I did, um, so- so if there are- are any elements that look parodic, that, y'know, I'm covered.

'''Chris''': Yeah, okay, yeah. And also, yeah, guh- you definitely do reference, uh, my [[Sonichu]] and my [[CWCville]] and especially the [[Chaotic Combo]] recently.

'''Alec''': Well as you said those weren't yours, though. You said those were copies. You said those were just, you know, copies of...

'''Chris''': Yeah- yeah- your- yeah- your versions just, uh- are just, facsim- are just recreational recreations- recreated facsimilies. [''Chris and Alec talk over each other.''] Um, okay so let's agree to that...

'''Alec''': [''Trying to speak''] Can I ask-can I ask you, uh, something then, about the Chaotic Combo and Sonichu? If those were just facsimiles, those weren't really yours...

'''Chris''': No they were- no, they were all- actually they were all mine. ['''Alec''': ''Okay, so they- so then--''] They were all- they were originally mine.

'''Alec''': But, the ones that I drew, are those facsimiles or are those not? You're confusing me.

'''Chris''': Uhh...okay well...

'''Alec''': Because you, in your, uhh... in your comic, you came and you took them away, in yo- in your recent pages of your comic. I mean you said in- you said in- in the comics that those were mine, but, you know, so they must be original, right? [''Chris tries to interrupt, but Alec continues''] You said in the comic they weren't the Chaotic Combo, so they must be original. But then you came and took them. I-I don't get- and you renamed them and re- restyled them.

'''Chris''': [''finally manages to break in''] Listen, listen, okay. The Chaotic Combo, in my comics, before- be- beh- appeared before book number 10, and [''stuttering''] originated in CWCville, Virginia, not in Minnesota, those are originally mine. But the ones that you re-drew and, uh, gay- and then, uh, made them different from what the- from how they originally were, in my comics, then that's definitely, totally- nnyeah, that- fax- dax- facsimilies. Carbon copies...

'''Alec''': Mine? Then, why did you take them?

'''Chris''': Okay, well I mean-okay number one-

'''Alec''': And not just the Combo, you tried to retake my Asperchu. And Asperchu wasn't, you know, a copy of anything. You- you renamed him [[Mitch Sonichu]]. I mean, Asperchu's mine. You- I don't really appreciate that.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, you accuse me of thievery, but then you go and take- and try to take my Asperchu.

'''Chris''': Okay well you did- Okay well no- you did take my [[Sonichu]], and, uh, make him claim to be the original one, and you did claim orig- you did m- you did make it obvious in your comics where he was the h- where he was the original one, from the city of [[CWCville]], and even worse you made him brother to Asperchu, and uh, with the homosexual tendencies and whatnot, even when you redrew- even when you drew the, uh... when you drew the Chaotic Combo hedgehogs, you made [[Wild]] a [[Homos|homosexual]] even when he is not.

'''Alec''': Well, but Wild's- that Wild's not your's. What does it matter if- if my Wild's gay? I mean, I felt it was- felt it was depth to the character, I was just trying to give them a little personality. An- An- And the homosexual references, okay this is something that came up before...

'''Chris''': Okay well listen, okay well aside from the [''unintelligible''] Sonichu-

'''Alec''': Asperchu has a girlfriend, Dixie Chu.

'''Chris''': [''pause''] Um... No, actually, I read further in [[Asperchu (comic)|the book]] and Dixie Chu dumped his ass.

'''Alec''': Eh- Well... C'mon, she doesn't- she doesn't- she doesn't- no, she doesn't mean that, she doesn't mean that. They're, they're destined to be together, Chris, I mean, you c- can't you see those undertones? I mean that's- that's where this whole comic is going. And besides, he's shown he's straight, I mean even if a girl does dump him, what does it matter? He... He went after a girl. He didn't go after a boy. Like you said, Sonichu is his brother, I mean, why would he... you know, even if he was gay why would he go for his brother? That's just- that's just sick. I mean, why would you think that?

'''Chris''': [''Sigh''] Yeah, anyway, oka- okay, well, i- in your comi- listen, how about this, in your comics, when you, uh, in the future, or in re-or in re-referencing the past pages, the, uh, Sonichu that is Asperchu's brother, you just refer to him as "Michael," and the Wild you'd refer to him as "Bobby", and the [[Angelica]], "Trisha," et cetera, just like I said in my pages. And "Mitch" can be Asperchu's nickname.

'''Alec''': But, Chris, those aren't really their characters' names. I mean, Bobby and- and Mitch and- and- and... I- I forget the other names, I- I- I think you renamed [[Bubbles]] "Kitty," something like that. I mean those aren't, those aren't their- their names. They have the same names as your Chaotic Combo.

'''Chris''': Okay but, okay but you see, when I gave the, c- the, uh, Chaotic chara- Chaotic Combo characters those names, originally, in my books, those would be their nick- those would be their nicknames, just, I mean- they're all Sonichus and Rosechus indivi- individually, but they're just of different types, like uh, you w- like, uh, without the nickname, Wild, he would be Grass Sonichu, Bubbles would be Water Rosechu, Flying Rosechu, [[Punchy|Fighting Sonichu]], [[Magi-chan|Psychic Sonichu]], et cetera...

'''Alec''': Okay, I- I understand what you're sayi- well see, there's- there's one of the- there's one of the differences, though, because in my comic, those are really their names. I mean, you know, Angelica, Punchy, Bubbles, Magi-chan...

'''Chris''': No no, you see- no, you see, in MY- y- y- y'see, in- but- the- but those are actually their names in MY book. In my book.

'''Alec''': Their nicknames, you said. In my comic they're their actual names. That's the difference.

'''Chris''': No, I'm- I'm talking in reference to the Pokémon game, you know, if you wanted to na- if you wanted to give- if you wanted to name your Bulbasaur, they call it giving it a nickname, but really it's just giving them their NAME. So, therefore, the grass Sonichu in my book is Wild, the water Rosechu in my books are Bubbles, et cetera, et cetera, so-

'''Alec''': Y- You know, Chris-

'''Chris''': I- It- It wou- It would work better if you just take the nickna- the uh, names I suggested for your var- for your variations of those characters and just reference to them as such.

'''Alec''': Chris, um, my characters aren't Pokémon, though. I don't draw Pokémon. That's not how it works in my comic.

'''Chris''': Y-yeah you have been drawing Pokémon, Sonichu is an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

'''Alec''': I- I thought he was a- a Sonichu, I mean... I thought that- I thought that was, like, a species...

'''Chris''': Sonichu is an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. If you read back in bo- in my [[Sonichu 0|Book Number Zero]], I re- I make it perfectly clear that Sonichu and Rosechu are Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

'''Alec''': Um, oh, okay. Um, well, I think the point of confusion there is, um, where their- like, I've never seen any Poké Balls in your comic, or- or trainers, or any of those other Pokémon elements, you know? Like, shouldn't they live in Poké Balls?

'''Chris''': Yes, there's a Poké Ball that specially catches Sonichus and Rosechus called the [[S-Chu Ball]], and there is- there is a reference to that within the books. The crystals were the [[Sonichu Ball]] crystals, before I decided to rename them Chaotic Crystals, and we do have a train- we have two trainers. [[Naitsirhc]] was a Pokémon trainer, he had a [[Zapdos]], he had a red [[Gyarados]], he had a [[Mewtwo]]...

'''Alec''': Okay, but Chris, those are- those are like Zapdos, and Mewtwo, and Gyarados, I mean does anyone-Sonichu lives in a house, doesn't he, I mean he lives like a- like a person-

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, okay well you see, he was originally a wild Pokémon in the original Sonichu, but the original Rosechu was originally a [[Raichu]] that was caught and trained by the Pokémon trainer [[Kel|Kellie, Kel for short]].

'''Alec''': But, they live on their own now. I mean when they became Sonichu and Rosechu, they're- they're people, right? I mean they live like people, they have jobs like people. Sonichu has a job, doesn't he? I mean, what does he do?

'''Chris''': Yeah well you see, yeah, well, see- yeah, well, in that case, Kel wanted- Kel wanted to move on with her Pokémon trainer career, but Rosechu and Sonichu wanted to live happy, individual lives togedder, s-

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1 Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|EWG-ddYef7c}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Chris''': -so upon realizing that, Kel just let them go, just like [[Wikipedia:Ash Ketchum|Ash]] released his Butterfree so he can go mate with the pink Butterfree.<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/EP021]</ref>

'''Alec''': Oh. Well I uh, I actually didn't know any of that. But I di-I digress, um, the point is-the point is that Asperchu and my version of the Chaotic Combo, all those characters, those are not Pokémon in my comics, I mean, Pokémon don't exist in the world of Asperchu. Because, you see, like Asperchu, he lives in his grandparent's house, he is a person.

'''Chris''': Hm. Yeah, okay well my-

'''Alec''': [''overlapping''] My Sonichu is a person, my Chaotic Combo are people...

'''Chris''': Okay well, okay, alright, but that still makes it sound like my characters when you talk about THE Sonichu from CWCville...

'''Alec''': They're not your characters, we've established that. They're not yours, I mean, they're my characters. [''Trying to talk over Chris''] Original. My comic is not a parody.

'''Chris''': Okay, Sonichu and Rosechu, I actually have paper-registered copyrights on those so I COULD sue you, but I'm trying to resolve this peacefully.

'''Alec''': You have-okay, so you have the copyright-

'''Chris''': Yeah, look under the copyright section of the-on the CWCipedia. It actually has the scan of the paper from the Virginia Library of Congress as well as the envelope it came in.

'''Alec''': You have a copyright of Sonichu.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Alec''': But you said Sonichu's a Pokémon, right, I mean I'm pretty sure Nintendo has the copyright claim to Pokémon.

'''Chris''': Still, it's Sonichu.

'''Alec''': I mean, I might just wanna contact Nintendo just to make sure everything's okay, to make sure I'm not stepping on their toes.

'''Chris''': They have been contacted before, and everything's okay, you don't need to do that.

'''Alec''': But, I mean, well then, how can you hold the copyright to a Pokémon-

'''Chris''': The Virginia Library of Congress has allowed me-

'''Alec''': Well, the Virginia Library of Congress, you know, can't tell Nintendo what to do, they can't tell Nintendo to just hand over copyrights to their creations, to just anybody. I mean, you know, Nintendo could take the Virginia Library of Congress to court and say, hey wait a minute, you know, you issued this copyright illegally.

'''Chris''': [''Massive Stress Sigh'']

'''Alec''': It's just the Library of Congress.

'''Chris''': [''mumbling unintelligibly''] Okay look, let's just agree to uh, this is-what we're talking about right now just seems pointless to what we were originally talking about. Let's just agree that,uh-

'''Alec''': I don't think it's pointless, I mean I'm just trying to establish the... I mean you said you could sue me, I don't want to, you know, just let that go, I mean I don't want to get sued, nobody wants to get sued. I just don't understand how you could sue me-that's what I'm confused on, I mean, you're confusing me, Chris. I mean, call me naïve, but this is-I just don't get exactly what you're getting at.

'''Chris''': Okay well-okay yeah, I'm trying to prevent from having to go into the legal issues as well, so-

'''Alec''': Well I appreciate that, but I just don't understand how you have a legal ground to sue me, I mean, because Pokémon-

'''Chris''': -because I-because I do hold the copyright to Sonichu.

'''Alec''': But Sonichu's a Pokémon.

'''Chris''': [''flustered''] Look, let's just rewind, can we-can we-let's just rewind and go back to what we agreed on before, you know re-uh-readjusting the advertisement signs and uh, giving me, a possible CWCipedia ad on the Asperpedia, and, we just-let the Sonichu in your book be known as-be known as Michael Sonichu, as well as the other Sonichus and Rosechus of the Chaotic Combo, of my Chaotic Combo, let's just rename them the names I suggested in my book-

'''Alec''': Umm.

'''Chris''': In your book.

'''Alec''': Alright, like I said I'll talk to Mao about the ads; as far as the renaming goes, if you're-I guess you can make up some characters, Mike Sonichu, Mitch Sonichu and whatever, that's your comic book, if you want to create those characters that's fine. I mean, like I said I'm not going to rename my characters.

'''Chris''': [''Sigh'']

'''Alec''': And-and you know now that you bring this back to the table, another thing that kind of vexed me in your comic was that you as a, you as uh, [[Collosal Chan]]-was it Collosal Chan or Collosal Chu? I don't recall-

'''Chris''': It is Collosal-it is Collosal Chris-chan, that'd be me in my super form after releasing the seven Chaotic Crystals, or the "Sonichu Ball Crystals" as they are also known as.

'''Alec''': Okay. So Collosal Chris-chan and uh, Sonichu, and he was in his [[Ultra Sonichu|ultra form]], I think-you two came to, well first of all you saw the drawing of Asperchu's house and you mistook that as my house. Just to clarify, that's not my house, [[14 Branchland Court|I made up that house, that-that came out of nowhere, I just decided hey, you know, a big dull-looking happy house]], that'd be funny as Asperchu's home, but, but anyway, you thought it was my house and you came to what you thought was my house and you broke into my house and after breaking and entering-which is a crime, by the way-you proceeded to hack into my computer, and I think you deleted the entire Asperpedia website, and then you deleted all my files of Asperchu comics and everything else, and then I think you stole some [[Dating education|dating program]] or something that you thought was on my-I, I mean this is a multitude of crimes, Chris, that was criminal intent. I mean, why did you do that, you know, those are illegal acts.

'''Chris''': [''sigh'']

'''Alec''': You know, I mean, that's not a nice thing to do.

'''Chris''': [''defensively''] Yeah, well it wasn't very nice taking the Sonichu that was originally from CWCville, and then claiming him to be Asperchu's brother. [''burps''] Excuse me.

'''Alec''': Chris, I didn't show Asperchu breaking into Sonichu's house and destroying valuable documents on his computer. I mean this comic is going to be my lifeblood, this is my franchise, this is my multimedia empire I'm trying to build here, and you just destroyed it on a whim. I mean, why did you do that? I-I just don't get that. Asperchu ne-Asperchu has been nice to Sonichu since they've met, they've been friends and they've treated each other like brothers, and they fought battles side by side. I mean haven't you ever had a website hacked before? I have, it sucks, you know, do you know what it feels like to have your videos and computer hacked?

'''Chris''': I-I have, truly I have, and it was not very nice; I had the original Sonichu site, which was [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] simply, originally on the Tripod web server, hacked into by one [[Clyde Cash]].

'''Alec''': Well then you know how much it sucks, why would you do it to another person? I mean it's one thing if it never happened to you, if it never happened to you it's still bad but you can claim ignorance, but, but you-it happened to you, and then you turned around and did it to me. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|why the double standard, Chris]], why is it okay to hack into my computer and destroy my files?

'''Chris''': [''Groans, then sighs''] Okay I'm gonna go ahead and- cause you gave me permission to call you, and I'm going to call you, naï- [''static cuts off Chris before he completes the word 'naïve' '']

'''Alec''': Chris, you're cutting off.

'''Chris''': Because I have-I have tried to explain to you as clearly as possible, in my own best words I could come up with, that I'm getting tired of this long, drawn-out conversation, that obviously you're just too naïve to understand! Think about it! Think long and hard-read all my comic pages, from [[Sonichu 0|book number zero]] to the last-to the current page-

'''Alec''': ...help me understand why you threatened me in videos and-and drew yourself breaking into my house and committing multiple felonies. That's what I'm asking an explanation for, I mean the ads, and the naming issue, we settled that, this is a new issue and I'm trying to talk it out with you.

'''Chris''': Okay, yeah okay, well you referenced the Sonichu in your book to be the one from CWCville, and then making him, without my permission, Asperchu's brother. And then without my permission, you took the-

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|p3Hh3CC7vMc}}
| stardate = 22 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Alec]]
| saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Chris''': -you recreated the Chaotic Combo, and then reformatted their personalities in more ways than one, without my permission! And then you go kill-and then you go kill off with blood and gore detail, and then your recreation of Angelica-the flyer, the grass, and the fighter, who are also known as Angelica, Wild, and Punchy! How do you think I feel about that, how would you like it if I went into blood and gory detail of slicing and dicing Jonas Chu, that green one, [''Alec tries to interrupt''] Jivin, and Max? I'm sorry, what?

'''Alec''': Oh, I just said the green one is, is Peter Chu. Um, okay, I understand why you're angry, but didn't we already establish that the characters I drew are not related to your Chaotic Combo? I mean, in your [[mailbag]], I've seen a lot of people have written to you about the Chaotic Combo, and, you know, other Asperchu similarities and things like that, and your response, almost always, is Alec Benson Leary and Asperchu have no relation to you whatsoever-

'''Chris''': [''sigh''] In reference to the business, as in like, you know, I actually never originally gave you or Mao permission to put the ads on the CWCipedia in the first place, especially in such large proportions where I had to scroll down to even edit the page or even to log in. But I never even gave you permission to put the ads in the introductory box, which is [[Chris and the law|a felony]] that [[Jack Thaddeus]] has violated before-

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah that Jack guy, that's the name of the guy I know that Mao bought the adspace from. He told me. But um, as I understand the way the ads work is you know, if a website hosts, you know, public adspace that can be purchased for advertising, anybody can buy the rights to advertise.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I get that.

'''Alec''': Yeah, so I mean, how is that illegal that I purchased the adspace? And you said it was illegal, you said it was wrongful a number of times, I know you've used that word-

'''Chris''': Yeah. Because I was not in the loop about this...

'''Alec''': Well, that's between you and your web manager. You should be in the loop about it, I agree about that, you should be in the loop about it. But I can't be held responsible if you didn't get that information from your webmaster.

'''Chris''': [''Sigh''] Alright, well listen, the battery power on my phone is running low, perhaps we could talk again another time. You take care-you take care, stay safe, bye now.

'''Alec''': I'd like to talk-[''cuts off'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|First]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|Chris and Alec Call 2]]|}}
== Sources ==
<references/>
=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?7mwd23w3a7wdcv7 Audio download]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNQNdjFES7o The call on YouTube]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2

2015-08-25T16:31:05Z

Meester Siemen: Updated reference link to Simonla page on archive and updated link status as being dead.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2''' is the second of the calls between Chris and [[Alec Benson Leary]], which took place on 28 [[January 2010]].

==Summary==
[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
Alec lets Chris ramble on about the ads on the [[CWCipedia]] again before the topic changes to subjects that make Chris feel uncomfortable in his [[Mailbag]]. On the subject of [[Rosechu]]'s gender and pointed tail, Chris attempts to get Alec to believe he meant for the original Raichu's tail to be dull all along and becomes angry when Alec points out that he is lying.

Chris goes on to discuss how he feels that [[Asperchu]] is a [[Chris and reality|living, breathing creature in another universe with thoughts and feelings who wouldn't want to be named "Asperchu."]] Alec claims that Asperchu is unable to have a desire to be named something else because Asperchu doesn't exist, and Chris responds by repeatedly calling him "[[naïve]]" for not believing in a cartoon world similar to that seen in ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''.

They both agree to disagree, then move on to the lack of updates in [[Sonichu]]. Chris blames his [[biological clock]] for his inability to upload new pages and explains how the [[Chris and writing|creative process]] of his work requires a pain-staking thirty minutes of typing dialogue. Chris admits to using Photoshop, but says that since his comics are [[Chris and art|hand-drawn and hand-colored]], in his [[TRUE and HONEST]] opinion (and that of [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]], apparently) ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is the superior comic. Alec points out that he draws his comics by hand, even if it's with a [[Wikipedia:Graphics tablet|graphics tablet]], and that his art doesn't have any less "personality" than Chris's work.

Chris returns to complaining about the [[CWCipedia]] adspace, hinting that the only real reason he's negotiating with Alec at all is to get the Asperpedia ads removed. Alec brings up [[Simonchu]], and Chris falsely<ref>[[:File:Fkinglie.png]]</ref> denies [[Simonla]] was ever inspired by Simonchu. When that Alec explains that Evan wants Simonchu and Simonla written out of the comic, and that Evan may consider taking [[Chris and the law|legal action]], Chris replies with "I'll think about it". Unsurprisingly, Evan did take [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Closed (For Good) Due To Theft|legal action]].
{{Clear}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|rBvtdEcW-BQ}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

[[Image:comparison.jpg|thumb|He might have a point here]]
=== Transcript ===

'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hi, is this, uh, is this Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, this is Christian Chandler, may I help you?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, this is Alec Benson Leary again, how are you?

'''Chris:''' Oh! I would have expected you to call at 9:30, uh, but anyway...

'''Alec:''' Oh! I actually did try to call at 9:30, didn't get an answer so I thought I'd try again, you-you're quite a difficult man to get a hold of, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmm... Yeah, I can talk for a few minutes, so let's try not to belabor this conversation.

'''Alec:''' Not at all, I don't... I don't wanna drag anything out. Um, well first I'll ask you if you have anything, uh, specific that you want to bring up, cause I know that you had to go kinda abruptly last time, and I thought maybe that there was a point you didn't get to or anything.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay... Wanna go ahead with that?

'''Chris:''' Umm... well first off, you know...you know I have, um...I have gone to the CWCipedia recently, its the Ads are still super-sized, but, they are more of a mockery towards me now, and I do not appreciate that.

'''Alec:''' Yeeeaaah, I'm sorry about that, [[Mao]] is kinda, he got a little bit of a temper, you know, h-he-he is kinda mad about this whole... the [[mailbag]] situation, emails getting deleted and all that sort of thing. You know, I-I-I um, I saw in, uh, one of your mailbags, that you said that I delete, or uh, modify a lot of my e-mails. I don't know where you got that impression, actually, I don't do that. You know, I try to answer every e-mail I get thoughtfully, and fully.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's probably easy for you...probably easier for you because, yours are not as... mean and cruel and condescending as the ones I have been getting.

'''Alec:''' Have you been getting a lot of mean ones that have not been go into the mailbag? Cause, the ones I've see... a lot of them, well they do get critical at points, but I... I dunno, it seems like they been, they just kinda wanna, you know, have some questions answered.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, But I wish they wouldn't have'ta go so critical.

'''Alec:''' Like, uh, what do you mean, like uh, what are some of the things that you found just kinda crossed the line?

'''Chris:''' Like-Like they talk about... Like they talk about [[copyright]] issues and crap...

'''Alec:''' [''Trying to talk''] Well that is...that is kinda of an important issue, I mean...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] BUT-but I have my own [[Chris and copyright#Copyright registration|copyright registration]], that slip of paper I got from the [[Virginia]] Library of Congress...

'''Alec:''' Yeah, uh, I noticed one of the copyright related e-mails was um, someone asked if they could see, just some letter, or some evidence [[Sega]] or [[Nintendo]] gave you, uh, permission to go with [[Sonic]] and [[Pikachu]], and that kinda stuff for [[Sonichu]]'s origin story. Um, you know, if you provided those, that would silence those kind of e-mails right away.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' I mean, you do have copyright of Sonichu, but you would still need to show Nintendo's permission to publish it, you know what I mean?

'''Chris:''' Hmm...

'''Alec:''' 'Cause it has Pikachu in the origin story.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah, I think that would be a good idea to show everyone in the mailbag, you know, that would shut up that line of questioning right away.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but there's... also... the homosexuals, and uh, other topics, ugh, I can't remember them off the top of my head. Yeah, there's quite a few.

'''Alec:''' Like the accusations that [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|Rosechu is a boy]]? I think, that was kind of a big thing-

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Alec:''' People were going after-

 '''Chris:''' But I, I mean, yeah, that's only before the [[rainbow]] strike, I mean, the point where that Raichu- female Raichu is within the rainbow, that would be after the rainbow strikes that Raichu.

'''Alec:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' And with the power of the- with the power of the [[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystals]].

'''Alec:''' Well you know-

'''Chris:''' I-it was with a point, it was as point to the end of that tail, in the two panels that preceded it, the tail was definitely dull at the end.

'''Alec:''' Uhh, well, you know, the- as far as I know, the original comic does have a point tail, like a male has, and that's- that's still on [[CWCipedia|your website]], isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I-

'''Alec:''' You know, one thing I thought about was the gender differences in the Pokémon, that didn't, Nintendo didn't do that until a while after you created it, Sonichu, right? So, I mean, I just don't get why you didn't go with that. That would've been a good explanation, but instead you kinda [[lie]]d to your [[fans]].

'''Chris:''' What do you mean, lied? [[Lie|I did not lie]], I mean, you look at the two pictures before the rainbow hit, the tail is dull on the tip.

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, I see that in your picture that's on the front of the CWCipedia, but on the original comic he had a pointy tail, or she, I mean.

'''Chris:''' The original-

'''Alec:''' I've seen the original.

'''Chris:''' That's because- look, outside, [[Chris and art|that's just a line that is going outside of the square]], [[Chris and reality|whatever goes outside, does not necessarily count.]]

'''Alec:''' Uh, it doesn't look like it goes, like, outside the panel here, but... I mean, y'know... I don't really know. I know that you don't... you probably should have corrected that mistake, but you left it in. I mean, I'm just trying to- I mean, I just kinda wish that thing had gotten nipped in the bud. It kinda sucks, but this is like, a huge point of contention right now.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Al-also, you know, another thing, I've actually found, I've actually found a [[Sonichu Forum|forum of my loyal fans]], and I have just read some posts about the ads that have been placed in the CWCipedia, and they really don't like 'em either.

'''Alec:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' So, I'm not alone in that.

'''Alec:''' Well, alright. Well... you know, uh... if they wanted to buy the ad-space that's, I'm sure they could too. I mean, again, y'know, the ads, I'm gonna keep trying to talk to Mao but it's really his area. Mao's kind of the boss of the ads, I'm just kind of the artistic genius. Mao does the business work.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that definitely do not appreciate that- that drawing of me, in a [[Butt garments|diaper]], and then just copying and pasting my signature to that.<ref>[[:File:Cwcbaby.jpg]]</ref> That's just wrong.

'''Alec:''' Well, you know, um, I noticed that even after our last talk you continued referring Asperchu as [[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch]]. I thought we had that cleared away. I thought you knew he was Asperchu, I mean Asperchu is my original creation.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe so, but still-

'''Alec:''' And I think you still have the impression that Asperchu is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], and you know that's not true, right? Asperchu is not a Sonichu.

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, okay, but still think about this, y-y-y-you picked- you gave him the condition of [[Aspergers]].

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct. Oh! That's another thing. I think you, I think you thought that I gave everyone that appeared on my comic Aspergers, but only Asperchu has it. Just Asperchu.

'''Chris:''' [Sighs] Well-

'''Alec:''' Okay, you were gonna say something?

'''Chris:''' A-anyway, still, I think you could understand, since you have Aspergers and conservely, with my Autism, that we would pref- we don't really don't wanna be treated as sep- as treated as quote-unquote, "[[Slow-in-the-minds|special]]" because of our mental conditions, we want to be treated as equal individuals.

'''Alec:''' [over Chris] Well, that's certainly true, but how do you think I've been portraying Asperchu as being treated, y'know, different?

'''Chris:''' Try putting yourself in the shoes of your- of your Asperchu. If- if you, I mean, not only would you want to be treated as an individual equal, but-

'''Alec:''' That's how I portray him, he does everything normal people do.

'''Chris:''' But you would not want a name that empathizes the mental condition, you want a name that is more manly-

'''Alec:''' Well y'know, Chris, [[Christopher's name change|we don't choose our names. Our names are given to us.]] Asperchu never chose his name. I mean, think of it this way, the name "Asperchu," if you think of that as a detriment- I don't, but if you interpret the comic that way- think of it as a personal, sort of, character flaw, if you will, that he has to work to overcome. [[Chris and writing|All good characters have character flaws.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean-

'''Alec:''' And, and, it's fiction. Sometimes characters don't always live the happiest lives in fiction, but that's part of what makes good fiction.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hmm, yeah, but still, think about it, what if your-

=Part 2=

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|12rVjQlFy4g}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Chris:''' -parents had named you "Asper?"

'''Alec:''' Uhh...

'''Chris:''' Just to foretell that you had Aspergers, that you would have Aspergers.

'''Alec:''' Well...

'''Chris:''' You would not want that [''[[Speech impediment|stammers]]''] you were being treated- wanting to be treated as an equal in society, you would not to be called "Asper" because-

'''Alec:''' But Chris-

'''Chris:''' Because that emphasizes the mental condition you have.

'''Alec:''' Okay Chris, that's part of the, again, character flaw, Asperchu has things weighing him down, he has curses and... y'know, not [[Chris the Shaman|literal curses]], but he has detriments to his life that [[Stress|weigh him down]] as a character, and he has to work to overcome those. That's part of what makes a good character. You wouldn't make a character that's just [[Chris-chan Sonichu|all powerful and perfect in every way and has no real problems ever]], would you? That'd be kinda boring. Complex characters have problems that they overcome.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it takes, it takes time, too, to overcome a serious problem, I mean, you just renamed him "Mitch," and that wouldn't do it, y'know you can't just go and snap your fingers and just wave the problem away and- 1. That's not realistic, and 2. That doesn't make for good fiction, I mean, all the drama you're building up, y'know, your readers really wouldn't really like that if you just kinda hand-waved it away, don't you think?

'''Chris:''' Alright, yeah, okay, but still-

'''Alec:''' Think about it like this: [[Wikipedia:Superman|Superman]] is named "Superman" because he's super, right? And y'know, Superman is one of the most- [''is cut off'']

'''Chris:''' I mean- as- as-as an individual, within his own world, outside of your control, Asperchu would not want that name, he would be in agreement with me, and would probably want to change his name to something like "Mitch."

'''Alec:''' Ah, but the thing there is, Asperchu is not outside of my control because it's a comic, and I am the creator and, y'know, manager of his comic universe. So, I- as his creator I decide what Asperchu wants and what he doesn't want, and what his personality is like.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, don't you think?

'''Chris:''' Fairly. I mean, have you ever watched the movie ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''?"

'''Alec:''' Yes I have, it was a good movie.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, you got the whole [[Wikipedia:Toontown|toon world]] there, and within that, it coincides with the comic as well, and every individual comic, published or unpublished, drawn altogether. And within the world, actually, would reside your Asperchu, but he would be with his individual thoughts since you gave him an adult attitude within his, within his individual thoughts, he would- he would hate having the name of Asperchu 'cause it emphasizes his mental problem.

'''Alec:''' Umm...

'''Chris:''' His special condition. And he's like, his process of wanting to move from that, and become more acceptable in society, that he would not want a name that would make him feel...

'''Alec:''' Okay...

'''Chris:''' Like as if he's still living it, even after he's fully recovered from it.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but Chris, um, ''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'', that was still a movie, and everything in it was predetermined by the movie writers and director, and there is no alternate cartoon world in reality, I mean, cartoon characters don't actually think and feel things. Okay, here's a question-

'''Chris:''' Well, you obviously are naïve about that, cause you're not fully underst-, you're [[Chris and reality|not understanding that possibility of that universe actually existing]].

'''Alec:''' So you do believe that, um, when an artist creates a cartoon character, that character becomes real? That what you're saying to me?

'''Chris:''' Within that universe, yes.

[''[[Trolls|Raucous laughter]] can be heard in the background'']

'''Alec:''' But the universe is fake. I mean, the ''Asperchu'' universe exists on paper and in my computer. It's just, it's whatever I write it to be. Oh, here's a question for you. Okay, so if you think a character would want, you know, and appropriate name, a good name, not a name that calls them out on something, or sets them back, um... "Sonichu" is the name of a species, correct? I mean, there's Sonichus and Rosechus, those are a species, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, he was the first one, the first original Sonichu, and she was the original Rosechu-

'''Alec:''' So, wouldn't they want their own-

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] And-and they each came up with their name, on their own, [''contradicting [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where [[Kel]] gives [[Rosechu]] her name''] and they did not need a nickname to go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but Chris, if you're a human being would you be comfortable just being named "Human"? Or "Man"? I mean, you wouldn't- would you be comfortable if the name "Christian Weston Chandler" didn't exist, and you were just called, "Man," or "Person," or something?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, y'know ''Homo sapiens''-

'''Chris:''' Yeah but I would [''Chris and Alec talk over each other'']

'''Alec:''' ...''Homo sapiens''.

'''Chris:''' Yes, but still-

'''Alec:''' [[Homos|Homo, homo]].

'''Chris:''' I was not the first human being, and I actually had parents who gave me that name. Sonichu came in, he had to come up with his own name-

'''Alec:''' Well, Sonichu had you who gave him that name didn't he? I mean, within [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]], you, [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], are Sonichu's father, right? I mean, why wouldn't, why wouldn't your cartoon self give him a name?

'''Chris:''' Uh, that's the cartoon me, versus the real me.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but isn't the cartoon you... Okay, like you said, cartoons are basically real, I mean, so shouldn't the cartoon version of you be just like you? Wouldn't you want to give your child a name? I mean you-

'''Chris:''' I did give him a name, he's the original Sonichu, so therefore, it's as such.

'''Alec:''' But all the other Sonichus also have nicknames, or secondary names, so, so the first Sonichu, I gotta think is feeling kinda left out.

'''Chris:''' Well, he doesn't feel left out. He accepts that, and he's happy with it, just as Rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, I don't think Asperchu feels left out because, y'know, he's just my cartoon character. He's my property, y'know, he's my intellectual property, that's what he is. You can't have a person as property, so you know, he's my property, he's not a person, he doesn't feel things, he doesn't think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well still, what if you could actually could see- what if you could actually could see the child with your girlfriend or wife? Then, would you feel that you own that child even after you have raised him from being a baby, to, let's say, late teenage years where that child would feel more like and individual and independent being?

'''Alec:''' [''clearly frustrated with Chris's nonsense''] Chris, you do understand, that a child, a human being is substantially more that a comic character, right? They're not the same thing, they're not even close. Of course I would name a child, children are real, and children are not our property, I mean if I had a child, I would give it all the love and support it needed, but it is it's own person, he or she, I should say. Where as a comic character is just, it's whatever you draw on paper or in Photoshop. I mean, I draw Asperchu on paper, that's the only place he exists. And then I upload him onto my computer and that's where he exists, and he exists on the web. So I have a character, he grows, but he's never a person.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well anyway, this is confusing to think about. Okay- well- yeah...

'''Alec:''' We can agree to disagree.

'''Chris:''' Okay, what if As- what if the shoe was on the other foot- what if Asperchu created you?

'''Alec:''' Well then, I'd be a comic character, myself, and I wouldn't have any thoughts and feelings, so that's a moot point.

'''Chris:''' You think that comic character wouldn't have its own thoughts and feelings?

'''Alec:''' NO!

'''Chris:''' You are [[naïve]].

'''Alec:''' Chris, you have told me that you think a comic character is fundamentally as much of a person as a real human being, that is the naïve thought.

'''Chris:''' No, you are-

'''Alec:''' I'm a writer, I'm like the [[god]] of the Asperchu world. I decide what goes on in Asperchu's world, I decide, who and what Asperchu is and what he thinks and feels, if anything, which he doesn't, because he's still just a character on paper, y'know, when I put the pen down, Asperchu stops being there. Nothing exists in Asperchu's world that I haven't drawn.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Boy, you are-

'''Alec:''' And it's naïve to think that there's anything more.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm, uh- I think we should agree to disagree on this point.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Um, because we have our own thoughts on that. Um, I kinda ask you about- I'm actually getting some letters about Sonichu, about why you're not updating daily, and I was kinda curious about that.

'''Chris:''' I- for your information, I am updating daily. I draw two pages- I draw and color my two pages a day. I can't help if I don't have access to my computer or if I can't get to it right away, besides which, my [[biological clock]] has been fickle on me and it's making me go- making fall asleep earlier.

=Part 3=

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|uGKaG14VkYs}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Alec:''' Well, I understand-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Alec''] And it's difficult to rearrange my schedule, and get back in- in a sync-synchronized routine like I would be.

'''Alec:''' Maybe you could get an alarm clock. You know, I- I'm just kinda curious, like, I know it takes, what, like an hour to do each page, about what you spend, I would kinda guess. Um, I'm just kinda confused why you'd spend an hour to draw a page, but not take that extra sixty seconds to upload it. I think consistency is important thing-

'''Chris:''' But, wait, it could take- it takes more than sixty seconds to scan it in Photoshop, then upload it. It would probably take like half an hour for all that work.

'''Alec:''' I didn't know you did Photoshop work with your pages. What do you, what do you use Photoshop for, if I may ask? I'm just kinda curious. I thought you just-

'''Chris:''' T-t-to change it from more hand-written text, to more legible typed text.

'''Alec:''' Y'know, If I remember right, I think kinda one of the criticisms you had about ''Asperchu'' was that it was not completely hand-drawn original. Because I do use Photoshop in part of my creative process, but it sounds like you do kind of the same thing. Which is, you know, that's fine. Digital, digital media is where our world is going, but I thought- see I thought you drew it all on paper and uploaded it.

'''Chris:''' I did draw it all on paper. The only part I edit in Photoshop is the text; what you reeead.

'''Alec:''' 'Kay, I thought so. Well, it just seems a little hypocritical, but you do use Photoshop in the creative process, but you criticized me for it. Don't you think?

'''Chris:''' No, actually, what I thought, is that you skip the hand-drawing and you draw everything on your Photoshop with your computer mouse.

'''Alec:''' Well I don't- here's what I do. I do sometimes draw the pages on paper, um, I'm kinda trying to shy away from that because, our society wastes so much paper, so I'm trying to be a little more socially responsible. But what I do, I use a [[Wikipedia:Graphics tablet|tablet]], and I draw on that, and that's basically the same thing as pen and paper, it's, uh, what I draw goes directly on the computer screen. So I don't use a mouse.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, it's the same thing-

'''Chris:''' Okay, but still, it looks crappy compared to mine. Even [[Barb|my mother]] agrees.

'''Alec:''' Oh, hey, hey, hey, c'mon that's a little insulting Chris, what do you mean, "crappy"? I mean, my mother says my comic is the most beautiful comic she's ever seen too but, I kind of think that's because she's a supportive mother. You know, mothers are supposed to support their children in their endeavors. And I have, y'know, got 20,000 fans now that love it too. None of them are my mother. My mother doesn't actually use a computer, I just show her the print-outs. [''silence''] Y'know, I get complimented on my art all the time.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it's okay to disagree. I just, I'm curious why you think it's crappy?

'''Chris:''' Because it's computer drawn. It's not originally hand-drawn.

'''Alec:''' I just told you, it is hand-drawn. It's hand-drawn on a tablet. What do you mean, it's not an "original hand-drawn?"

'''Chris:''' It don't have the old-fashioned original pencil or pen markings, that's what I have.

'''Alec:''' So, because I don't have smudge-marks on my paper, is that's what you mean? That was another reason I went with the tablet, because I got a lot of smudge-marks on my paper when I was doing math and I had to spend extra time erasing it. Y'know is- okay, by comparison, could I say that our [[Son-Chu|cars]] are not true original transportation because people should be using old-fashioned horses? You use Photoshop for lettering and effects. We're one in the same here, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And-and again, I just don't see why, the exact method I use to draw determines the skill of my art. Weren't you um, I remember recently, didn't you put, like, a live picture of yourself in your comic for some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' theme? I mean, you didn't draw that part in, did you?<ref>A reference to "[[Revive Zordon]]" from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]</ref>

'''Chris:''' I-I-It at least allows me, to put myself in my work. See, a bigger difference between drawing with a tablet or mouse versus hand-drawn is that you see more personality with the orig- with the pen-marking, and color—and marker coloring versus what's... what's digitally entered-

'''Alec:''' Well, if you feel that way. If you feel that way, I respect your opinion, but, I mean, y'know, 20,000 fans can't be wrong, and not a single one of them have ever said anything.

'''Chris:''' Okay well-okay well, l-let me give you a better example on that. Okay, say you got, uh, two letters, two exact same letters from a person, from the same person. One hand-written, and one computerized and printed, which one would you think would have more personality, or would appeal to you better?

'''Alec:''' I honestly don't remember the last time anyone wrote me a hand-written letter. I don't even remember the last time I wrote a hand-written letter, I type everything, every kind of- I mean, typing looks more professional.

'''Chris:''' Professional, yes, but-

'''Alec:''' I mean, hand-written wouldn't get you a job, or anything.

[[Image:MoarCharacter.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
'''Chris:''' At least I have had all the practice of hand-writing, and that- there's more character, more personality put into it, in hand-writing versus what you would just see, everyday in a monosynchronic [''?''] sense.

'''Alec:''' Well, you know why you see it everyday, everywhere, Chris? You see it everywhere, because it works. Because that's what people prefer.

'''Chris:''' [Sigh]

'''Alec:''' I think we're getting kinda off-topic, I mean I just- I kinda wanna go back to, um, I understand it can be difficult to get to your computer and upload things, you know in a timely fashion, sometimes, you're not at your computer, things like that, but, I mean, Sonichu's your franchise, a lot of fans I know are getting kind of, y'know, fed up that you don't have pages uploaded everyday. I mean, Sonichu is your, that's your franchise, right? I just, I dunno, I mean, I got a lot of stuff going on in my day too, but I make sure to get at least one or two pages uploaded everyday. Which has been more difficult since my school term started, 'cause I'm in full time school, and, y'know, I work still, I'm still working at the station but... that's just a recommendation, but... again, I know it's difficult, but I recommend that you try. That's all I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I am drawing- I have been drawing the pages, and like I said, I cannot help it if I can't upload on some days, but at least I do upload them in the bulk on when I can upload.

'''Alec:''' You know, for a while, for a couple months, you were uploading most everyday weren't you? I mean, has something, has something, has your schedule gotten busier recently or something?

'''Chris:''' I've been [[Biological clock|falling asleep earlier]]. And with that, it's hard- and with that it's harder for me to readjust my schedule.

'''Alec:''' You know Chris, if I fell asleep on my job, I'd probably lose my job. I mean, Sonichu is supposed to be your big franchise, right? I mean... if fell asleep while drawing Asperchu and I started missing days, I would buy myself and alarm clock. Or I would upload them earlier, before I knew I was gonna get tired, or whatever.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It's just-

'''Chris:''' Anyway, anyway I haven't been able to get my schedule around and I just haven't been able to get it in sync yet.

'''Alec:''' What's uh... if I may ask, what's... has something been going on that's been throwing your schedule for a loop? I mean, you-you haven't made videos in the past couple of days but you know prior to that, you were making videos fairly frequently, mostly attacking me.

'''Chris:''' Originally did- originally when I did the videos it was not necessarily on a daily basis, that's not like, journal, a video is not like a journal to me.

'''Alec:''' Well but, you know, if you spend five, ten, fifteen minutes making a video, that's time you could be uploading a comic. But instead you make videos attacking me.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Pl-plus, the battery power on my digital camera is fickle.

'''Alec:''' What does your digital camera have to do with uploading pages? I'm saying you shouldn't be using the camera, you shouldn't be making videos. You know why I haven't made any videos, Chris? It's 'cause I don't have time, I'm uploading pages that and- that and I don't wanna-

=Part 4=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|8rWZhLwhLmc}}
| Stardate = 28 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

'''Alec:''' -make [[death threats]] to people on the [[Internet]], that's not a... I mean, you know- you know you really hurt my feelings when you started doing those Chris, because, like I said you started as my inspiration and a couple months later you became my [[troll]].

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I know you have trolls, you know, it sucks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It really sucks to have people attacking you like that, but you became my troll.

'''Chris:''' Alright well... you know, how 'bout you just tell Mao that I... if he just... I'll leave y'all alone, let y'all do your thang... y'all take your ads off my website.

'''Alec:''' That's just not a... that's not a sound business move for me, Chris. Those ads are bringing in a lot of viewers.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] So, put 'em on another website.

'''Alec:''' Well, what if that website tells me that, y'know, they don't want them there, then should I move to another website, and then another, and then another... Mao's job is to bring in fans for me, that's what he's doing and he's doing it well, and that's why I keep him-

'''Chris:''' Well, Mao- Mao never asked me before he could- before he put anything up there or before he paid off [[Jack Thaddeus]].

'''Alec:''' Well, he doesn't have to, that's the way ads work. You buy adspace that's publicly available. Advertising is not under your control.

'''Chris:''' Ye-yeah- But I was- but I was never there to witness that monetary transaction, I was never there for that quote-unquote "agreement."

'''Alec:''' You don't own [[CWCipedia|the site]], Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You don't own that site. Right? I mean, the money from the ads go to keep the site up, that's my understanding.

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Actually, you're wrong, you see, Mao ga-put- gave that to €2,000 directly to Jack Thaddeus. actually put that €2,000 into the CWCipedia funds, so. therefore, Mao never saw his money in his money in the CWCipedia funds, they just went straight to Jack.

'''Alec:''' Um, I'm not really sure. I've never spoken to Jack, I don't know anything about what he and Mao talked about, y'know I'd kinda like to help you out, honestly I would, but I'm still a little... I'm a little miffed that um... even after we had a pretty good talk last time, but you still kept going with this whole "[[Mitch]]" business. I mean, you took my character, and altered him. You say, you say that I didn't get permission to use Sonichu, but you didn't get permission to use Asperchu either.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Alec:''' Or [[Simonchu]]! I-I-I almost forgot to mention that, Evan wanted me to talk to you about that, about using Simonchu. Y'know, Simonchu was his creation and you used that without permission. And he asked you several times, not- to get rid of Simonchu and [[Simonla]], or whatever her female form is. But-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, [[Lie|Simonla was never very inspired by Simonchu...]] I took an original [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], I changed her to a ground color, gave her the complexion, added an armadillo shell, and then a few drills in appropriate faces- places.

'''Alec:''' So kind of how I took a [[Sonic]], and make him yellow, and gave him a goatee and glasses, and a Buddha belly, and thus was born Asperchu. And, it was- you thought it was a parody, but it just happened to be... that kinda what you're going with, for there? I mean, why didn't you just say that to Evan in the first place, 'cause he has been e-mailing you for a long time.

'''Chris:''' I-I told him- I responded- I told him that in response- in response to why those messages in the mailbag, but apparently, he had not read that.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uhm... let's see, I'm looking at the Simonla at your CWCipedia here, um, you say that... I'll just read what it says here: About on or before August 26, [[2008]], I received an e-mail from Evan George, uhh... submitting his Sonichu Fan Art to me, then later submitted his idea for Simonchu, it did not strike as good at first but for a few months, I wanted to create a ground type, um... so from Simonchu, I created Simonla Rosechu.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu]</ref> That's on the Simonla article for your CWCipedia. I mean that's, smoking gun, Chris, that's proof, that you used Simonchu as a base.

'''Chris:''' [''groans'']

'''Alec:''' I'm... y'know I'm not trying to attack you with this but I really think this is evidence, that you should get rid of Simonchu and Simonla, write 'em out. 'Cause the facts are right there Chris.

'''Chris:''' Well, actually it was not like that, I typed it in because Evan was badgering me as such, and it just stuck in my head, and pretty much stuck... when I typed it in originally.

'''Alec:''' Why would that just stick in your head, why would that happen? Why would it stick in your head, unless it's true?

'''Chris:''' [''trying to think of an excuse''] I put it in there to make a [[parody|mockery]] out of him!

'''Alec:''' Well, then you kind of... kind of lied about it to people, didn't you? I mean, 'cause everyone else thinks that's the [[Honest Content|honest truth]].

'''Chris:''' Well, I can stick- well I can change that and fix it.

'''Alec:''' Doesn't matter, you already established it. I mean, when it comes to, like, [[copyright]], and that sort of thing, Chris, I mean, the one thing that matters more that anything else is documentation, and history. And all of your documentation shows that you used Simonchu as inspiration. You acknowledge legal liability here. Whether it was a joke or not, you wrote it like it was real. And Evan's been pester-

'''Chris:''' [''big sigh'']

'''Alec:''' ...ing me to talk to you, 'cause apparently you're ignoring his e-mails... although you ignore my e-mails too. I mean, like I said, it was a pain just to get a hold of you. I mean, for a guy who has so much to say to me, you are hard to get a hold of.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, you, you, I'm just I wanna let you know, that you do need to comply with Evan's demands, 'cause he's talking about litigation, and that if he wants to go get a lawyer over this. He said that he'd, that he'd back off if you acknowledge, in the comic and write Simonchu and Simonla out, and y'know, say that they will be done and gone forever. He has the copyright for Simonchu. I mean, would you be willing to do that? Write 'em out?

'''Chris:''' I'll con- I'll think about it.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well don't think too long. I mean, this is a serious issue.

'''Chris:''' [Sigh]

'''Alec:''' I'm just- I'm just trying to give you advice, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Alec:''' I don't wanna see litigation come out of this.

'''Chris:''' Hmm... anyway I'm feeling tired right now.

'''Alec:''' Okay well, maybe I'll let you go, um... you have a good night, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Alright, goodnight.

'''Alec:''' Goodnight.

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|Chris and Alec Call 1]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Chris and Alec Call 3]]|}}

=Sources=
<references/>

=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?57fb2b3pkmd8xmw Audio download]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGB99JTZJes The Call on YouTube]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3

2015-08-25T16:27:12Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Updated out of date YouTube link leading to video that was no longer available.

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3''' is the third call between [[Chris]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]], which took place on 30 [[January 2010]].

==Summary==

In this conversation, Alec and Chris touch on several topics. They cover one of Chris's earlier attempts to apologize on video, the disposition of Chris's ripped-off character [[Simonla Rosechu]], Chris's attacks on Alec in the [[Mailbag]] and elsewhere, and the slack-tastic schedule Chris favors when it comes to updating [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]].

At this point in their dispute, Chris seems to believe he still has cards to play as far as negotiating with Alec, [[Evan]], and the rest of the [[Asperpedia]] crew for the removal of the ads they placed on the [[CWCipedia]]. He is adamant in his refusal to do away with Simonla despite Evan's demands, and he believes that by updating her page on the CWCipedia he will be able to wipe the truth about her origins from history.

When Alec turns to discussing Chris's attacks on him, Chris quickly shifts into his standard woe-is-me mode, whining about the [[troll]]s, the [[ED]] page and so forth. Alec observes that Chris has used the CWCipedia to attack him in the same way that Chris's detractors have used ED, a cogent point that flies several miles over Chris's head.

The call concludes after more whining from Chris about his [[biological clock]]. Chris claims to be expecting another caller and hangs up. Later speculation centered around [[The Wallflower]] as the mystery caller.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|3xpd4oLKULw}}
| Stardate = 30 [[January 2010]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

'''Alec''': Hey uh Chris, it's Alec... How are you doin'?

 '''Chris''': Oh, hi, Alec. Umm, yeah, I'm doing okay. Umm.

 '''Alec''': Yeah.

 '''Chris''': Yeah, listen, [[Lie|I'm expecting a call in a couple, in a couple of minutes,]] so...uh... Okay, well, what's, what else is on your mind?

 '''Alec''': Well, I saw you made an apology video.

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': So, uh, thank you for that. Um... You know, I'm a little concerned that maybe you didn't cover all the points that, that we, that I talked to you about. I think, uh... Well, you know, you did apologize, but I'm not really sure the people are going to understand what you, you were apologizing for. 'Cause you mentioned just like... You said, "I apologize for some of the things I said." [''pause''] You know what I mean?

 '''Chris''': Indeed. Well, I'll make it more specific in the...

 '''Alec''': I'd appreciate that.

'''Chris''': ...in the videos that go along with this video. Okay. I'll take that, I'll take that, [''unintelligible tard-speak''], I'll take that tomorrow.

 '''Alec''': Well, I'd appreciate that. Um, I also do think that, like we were talking about Evan yesterday, I think it would be a good idea to mention him specifically in the apology video. Um, just about...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Okay, but, okay, but... Okay. But '''Simonla stays'''.

 '''Alec''': Well, um... You know, that's between you and Evan, but as far as I know, he's, he's not going to be happy with that.

 '''Chris''': Yeah, well I'm just say, yeah, well I'm just... You can relay that to him.

 '''Alec''': Alright, I can let him know, but, like I said, I think you should, you should really hammer that out with him. [''pause''] 'Cause you know, like I said, it is on the CWCki there that you did get Simonla as a, as a direct, you know, inspiration from Simonchu.

 '''Chris''': Right.

 '''Alec''': Yeah.

 '''Chris''': I'll fix that tomorrow as well.

 '''Alec''': Well, um, like I said, Chris, you can't really go back and change history. What's there is there. [''long pause''] You know what I mean? I understand you said that it was, that you were, you were making fun of Evan with that, but, I mean, you wrote it as if it was true...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] I was, I never, I never... Actually, I never was making fun of anybody with that.

 '''Alec''': Well, I thought you said yesterday that, uh, you meant it as a mockery of Evan.

 '''Chris''': No, I did not.

 '''Alec''': You did not?

 '''Chris''': Yes. I did not.

 '''Alec''': Okay. So why, then, does the Simonla article say that it was inspired by Evan's work?

'''Chris''': [''long pause''] Well that does need to be corrected, and I will correct it. Tomorrow.

 '''Alec''': Okay, I'm just... I'm asking, why was it there in the first place, though? [''long pause''] You know what I mean? 'Cause this has just caused a huge hubbub, and it's just, it kinda sucks.

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts again''] Yes, well, anyway, it will be, it will be corrected.

 '''Alec''': Okay, but that doesn't change the fact that you used Simonchu as inspiration. I'm just trying to warn you, Chris.

 '''Chris''': Alright.

 '''Alec''': You know, you've been... You know... I'd like kinda to talk about me a little bit. I think I've been talking to you about your issues quite enough, honestly. If you don't mind I'd like to bring up, ah... [''pauses to shift gears''] You know, I'm a little angry with you, Chris. For, for a number of reasons. Um, you've been calling me naïve quite a bit, you know, in our past couple of conversations, and as I understand, you, you consider that to be, you know, one of the worst insults that a person can call someone. Yet you use it on me [''Chris tries to break in.''] repeatedly.

 '''Chris''': It is my least fav-, it is my least favorite word of all time.

 '''Alec''': Well, why did you feel it was appropriate to use it, uh, on me? I don't consider myself...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Because you not, because you not, because you do not have as much experiences as I have had. You have not been deceived by trolls. You do not have an, a page that slanders against your good name turning ya into '''a mockery!''' You've never been, you've never had...

 '''Alec''': Really? It seems to me that the CWCipedia itself is turning into a page to slander me. What do you have to say about that?

 '''Chris''': I'm sorry, I did not understand that last statement.

 '''Alec''': It seems that the CWCipedia itself is turning into a website to mock and derail me. You know, I saw your Mailbag 50 that you uploaded, um, which was, you know, an ideal Mailbag in your eyes, you know? What you want questions to be about. And as far as I can tell, the entire purpose of that Mailbag was just to talk about how much I suck and how much better you are than me. Is that really what you want your Mailbags to be?

 '''Chris''': Part of the way. Part of the way, but those questions are actually real. And they have come from a Sonichu fan forum, of those that are still loyal to me. And they actually think that way.

 '''Alec''': Alright, but it's not totally representative of all your letters when you only have letters talking about how bad my comic is.

 '''Chris''': Yes, but you see, see for one thing you don't go off the topic with issues like homo-, like homosettsuality, or mislabeling me as a homosettsual.

 '''Alec''': How can you go off-topic, really? Because people are just asking you general questions. There really wasn't a topic to begin with. People ask you questions about subjects maybe that are a little unpleasant to you, but that's just 'cause they wanna know things.

 '''Chris''': Yes, but on those points I cannot really answer those questions, now can I?

 '''Alec''': Well, I don't know. I mean, why can't you answer those kind of questions?

 '''Chris''': Because they are, because they were complicated to me and I could not really comprehend them fully to come up with a sound answer.

 '''Alec''': Um... [''deep breath''] Okay, well, could you give me an example of a question that's a little too complex? I'm just curious.

 '''Chris''': Hmm. Taking the one of the letters that I had deleted or moved to the reject section. Read that to, read that to...

 '''Alec''': [''interrupts''] I can't really look at the letters that you deleted. But I can look at the rejected ones, I suppose.

 '''Chris''': Actually you can, you just have to go up to the history tab for that Mailbag. For one Mailbag out of all those Mailbags.

 '''Alec''': That's a little inconvenient, ya know?

 '''Chris''': It becomes obvious. You know, anytime before I answered and edited it.

 '''Alec''': Like, uh... Well, I can just come up with a general topic, I guess, as an example. People have been asking you, uh... I don't know... About Rosechu for example. That whole gender nonsense about, you know, about the Raichu being a male and things like that. And I know you said that...

 '''Chris''': The Raichu was actually ''female''!

 '''Alec''': Well, I take your word for it. I don't wanna get into that, because we did, you know, draw that out last time. So.

 '''Chris''': Okay.

 '''Alec''': You know, I think that you seem to get stressed out when people tell how much they like my comic. Now, if I were in your shoes, I would take that as a compliment, because my comic was inspired by your work. But you seem to think it's a bad thing that people like me at all. You seem to want people to hate me.

 '''Chris''': Well, yeah, that's another, that's another thing. They confuse, they confuse your character, Asperchu, they're saying that it's my character when I have to tell them that it's not. That character is your character.

 '''Alec''': Well, I don't want to people to think that. I understand that, definitely. I've been telling people, you know, Asperchu is original and he's not related to you or Sonichu in any way. So, we can't reach everybody but we're definitely trying.

 '''Chris''': Alright.

 '''Alec''': The people keep... People still to this day write me and think Asperchu is a parody of you and that's just not the case. So I do understand your annoyance with that subject. 'Cause I do kinda...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupts''] Yeah. Okay, well, listen, okay, anyway, listen, I gotta go, I'm accepting a call. So I'll talk to you another time.

 '''Alec''': Alright. Uh, I do have one quick question. You know, when I talk to you, you usually want me to call you right about 9:30, is that right? But usually I try to call you then and you don't answer. Is that still a good time to talk to you?

 '''Chris''': Yes, unless I'm updating the CWCipedia. Which in that case I cannot get to my phone. Last night. And last night actually, I actually was updating the CWCipedia.

 '''Alec''': Uh... [''sigh''] Alright. Well, I've tried to call you several nights before then as well and got no answer. I know you weren't uploading... [Chris attempts to interrupt] I know you weren't uploading pages.

 '''Chris''': Yeah. Okay, well, anyway, I actually was uploading pages last night.

 '''Alec''': Well, last night, not the previous several nights.

 '''Chris''': Yes, but it was still two pages a day, three days, there you guy.

 '''Alec''': I still gotta recommend that you try for consistency over just bulk quantity, Chris.

 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, my biological, yeah, so my biological clock has been changing, it's making me go to bed earlier.

 '''Alec''': Why is it?

 '''Chris''': I had to reschedule...

 '''Alec''': Why is it changing? Do you have, is there some big change in your schedule? Have you started a job or anything? Because sometimes that does it.

 '''Chris''': [''suddenly high-pitched and whiny''] I have been, I have been crashing earlier. I usually would stay up 'til, I used to stay up 'til about four o'clock, now it's like I'm crashing before midnight.

 '''Alec''': Well, that's still pretty late. I mean, I usually go to bed at, like, eleven, and I still get pages uploaded.

 '''Chris''': Anyway, I gotta go, I'll talk to you another time.

[''Tape runs out.'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|Chris and Alec Call 2]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|Chris and Alec Call 4]]|}}

==External Links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?9f53lnl1amecuk3 Audio download]
* [https://youtu.be/3xpd4oLKULw YouTube link]
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4

2015-08-25T16:26:33Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Updated out of date YouTube link leading to video that was no longer available.

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4''' is the fourth of the seven leaked phone calls between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 1 February 2010. In this conversation, they mainly discuss the apology video that Alec required of Chris as a condition for removing [[Asperpedia]]'s advertisements from the front page of the [[CWCipedia]].

==Summary==

Chris's attitude throughout the conversation is that of a small child being disciplined. He clearly feels no remorse for the various insults and death threats he's thrown at Alec and his associates, and he seems to barely even understand why [[Evan]] wants him to stop abusing his Simonchu character. He also apparently thinks that everyone should automatically believe his "[[Lie|retraction]]" of the truth about [[Simonla Rosechu]]'s origins.

Alec attempts to explain the concepts of parody and plagiarism to Chris through a simple object lesson, but it's obvious that nothing sinks in. Chris doesn't seem to have any grasp of the issue beyond believing that he should be able to do what he wants, while others should do what he wants them to.

Towards the end of the call, Chris takes off on a tangent, demanding that Alec make some sort of concession as far as his parodies of Chris's characters in the Asperchu comics. Alec cuts him off short, however, refusing to agree to anything until Chris delivers his apology.

Said apology would take the form of the video Chris released on [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|1 February 2010]], where he hit some, but not all of the points Alec asked him to. There, Chris showed about as much remorse as he does here, which is to say none at all.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Nc4yR4fXCDY}}
| Stardate = 01 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

[''We join the conversation in progress.'']

'''Chris''': ...that at him.
'''Alec''': Yeah, well, you guess...guess what, Chris. Those ads aren't going anywhere until you answer a few questions of mine. 'Cause I'm sick of being nice to you.

'''Chris''': What are you...

'''Alec''': I've been nice...

'''Chris''': Well, what are your questions?

'''Alec''': I've been nice to you for too long. Well, first of all, your apology video. Completely unsatisfactory. You didn't mention anything of what you were apologizing for. You just said, "Oh, I'm apologizing for some of the things I said." Is that supposed to include the death threats, Chris? 'Cause you should probably mention that specifically.

'''Chris''': Yes, it did include the past death threats.

'''Alec''': Okay, well, I think you should make a better apology video, and in your second apology video...

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': ...I want you to, um, not spend 80 percent of the video making demands of me. 'Cause, see, an apology video should be just that. It should be apologizing for when you did something wrong. Do you think you've done something wrong to me, Chris? Do you think you have? I think you have.

'''Chris''': Do I think I have, do I think I have done anything wrong to you?

'''Alec''': Yes. Do you think that?

'''Chris''': Why yes I, yes, I admit that I have done wrong to you, Alec.

'''Alec''': Okay.

'''Chris''': By mis-, by mislabelings and, and mistakes and errors, and I apologize for that.
'''Alec''': Mislabelings. Kinda like what a troll would do. Isn't that right? Why don't you list all the things you did wrong? List them specifically. 'Cause, 'cause I want to make sure. You know, I don't want to just tell you to make a more specific video if you don't know specifically. So please list the things you think you did wrong to me.

'''Chris''': Okay, I will. [''pause'']

'''Alec''': I'm waiting.

'''Chris''': Do you mean...

'''Alec''': I mean list now, I'd like to hear you say now.

'''Chris''': Alright Alec, I'm sorry for mislabeling you, and giving you your, giving you death threats.

'''Alec''': What did you mislabel me as, Chris?

'''Chris''': [''sighs, his tone becomes exasperated''] Mislabeling, mislabeling you as a villain type of person.

'''Alec''': Yeah, yeah, that was pretty bad of you, wasn't it?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Alec''': Okay, continue.

'''Chris''': Alright. Anything else?

'''Alec''': I'm asking you, I'm asking you to continue with the list.

'''Chris''': Oh. [''Chris pauses, sighs heavily, then begins to mutter under his breath.''] Uh, let's see, death threats, mislabeling, calling you, making you out like a villain...

'''Alec''': How about, uh...here's a hint. Uhm, is there, is there anyone close to me? A friend, perhaps, that maybe you've mislabeled as well? That you've done wrong against? Can you think of any? 
'''Chris''': Let me guess, Evan?

'''Alec''': You got it right, you got it right. You have wronged Evan. Do you know how you have wronged Evan? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh, long pause''] For labeling him as...

'''Alec''': Not that hard.

'''Chris''': ...the origin point for Simonla.

'''Alec''': Um, no, actually. Actually, that was the correct thing. That was the one correct thing you did, was labeling him as the origin point of Simonla, 'cause that's what he was.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': What's the wrong thing you did to him?

'''Chris''': Hm... I yelled at him too! Then you made that...

'''Alec''': [''talking over Chris''] Uh, there's a, there's a bigger issue. You stole, you stole Simonchu from him. There, I gave that one to you. And you won't give his character back. What do you think of that?
'''Chris''': He can have, he can have his Simonchu!

'''Alec''': Simonla. Simonla ''is'' Simonchu. You just, you just took his Simonchu and twisted it around.

'''Chris''': No I did not. Simonla is not Simonchu.

'''Alec''': That's what your Simonchu article on your CWCipedia says. Says Simonla is based off Simonchu.

'''Chris''': Well, I don't know...

'''Alec''': [''talking over Chris again''] You know, Chris, I find this... Chris. I told you last time. It doesn't matter if you go changing the article now. That doesn't change what was in the past. You cannot write a new article in the present and change what happened in the past. You used Simonchu as is the basis of Simonla.

'''Chris''': Yes I can, I can call a retraction to that. Yes I can, I called a retraction!

'''Alec''': Simonla is based off Simonchu. Doesn't matter. Okay, Chris, let me, let me think of an example for you. Let's say that I take [[Family Guy]] and, you know Peter Griffin on Family Guy? Let's say that I make a comic and I just use Peter Griffin as my main character in my comic. And I do that for a few years. And then Seth MacFarlane comes knockin' on my door and says, "Hey, you didn't ask for permission to use Peter Griffin." Do you think it's okay for me to just right then change it and say, "Oh, okay, I'm just gonna pretend like I never based my Peter Griffin off of Family Guy." Do you think that would solve the problem? You can't retract a fact!

'''Chris''': I guess... Hm.

'''Alec''': Does that make sense? I find it, I think, personally, I am most offended by your accusations of me stealing your Sonichu, and of Asperchu being a theft of you and all of that, when all along you have been stealing Simonchu from someone else. Why is plagiarism okay for you, if it's not okay for anyone else? Why is "[[parody]]"...

'''Chris''': Sorry, I'm not, I'm just...

'''Alec''': Okay, Chris, why is "parody" and plagiarism, why are those concepts okay for you to do, but they're not okay for anyone else to do? Will you tell me that?

'''Chris''': Hmm. Hmm. Okay, I guess I cannot think of a good answer for that.

'''Alec''': Yeah. That's because there really isn't one. You understand that, right? The same rules have to apply to everyone. You don't get different rules than other artists. You need to atone for your mistakes.

'''Chris''': Yeah...

'''Alec''': I want you to, one of these things I want you to do before I take, have Mao take down the ads. I want you to, in your comic, issue a full apology to Evan, and admit that Simonla and Simonchu are not your characters, and you used them wrongfully, without his permission, and you are going to retire them. Not really that hard to do. I mean, Simonla hasn't even appeared in your comic recently, so it's not like you're, you're gonna hurt your plotline if you just issue an admission that you're not gonna use her anymore.

'''Chris''': Hmm. Well, I'll think about that.

'''Alec''': Not good enough. My ads aren't going down unless you say yes to that. That's one of my conditions. I have several. Because I've got several problems with you.

'''Chris''': Yep. Anyway, yeah, I will think about that.

'''Alec''': Okay. Another problem, I want you to apologize to me for calling me [[naïve]].

'''Chris''': Okay, I will try...

'''Alec''': You remember when I tried to talk to you about that?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm sorry for calling you...

'''Alec''': You remember when I tried to talk to you about that, when you hung up on me? Because you think "naïve" is such a horrible insult...

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm sorry I called you naïve.

'''Alec''': Do you believe I am naïve?

'''Chris''': ...I'm sorry for calling you naïve. No, I do not believe you are naïve.

'''Alec''': Well, good. You know, I don't think "naïve" is that bad of a word, but what means the most is that you think it's a bad thing, and you still used it.

'''Chris''': Hmm.

'''Alec''': You meant it to be a horrible insult, that's the problem here. I want you to put that in your new apology video for me.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': You might want to get a pen and paper and just write these things down, because there's a few points here. I don't want you to forget any of them.

'''Chris''': Yeah. I owe you an, I'm going to...

'''Alec''': You can't just apologize to me over the phone, you have...

'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm writing it down.

'''Alec''': Okay. Are you writing it down now?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': What are the main things that I want you to do? List them off to me, just so I know that you're with me so far.

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm apologizing for giving you death, for cursing you, giving you death threats, calling you naïve...

=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|iEz04iGXk1Y}}
| Stardate = 01 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec''': Mm-hm. What else are you going to do for me?

'''Chris''': [''angry short sigh''] Labeling your comics as plagiaration of my Sonichu character and myself. And apologizing to Evan.

'''Alec''': You're going to admit that Asperchu is original?

'''Chris''': I'll admit Asperchu is your original character.

'''Alec''': And what else about Evan? You're going to apologize to him, but what else are you going to do for him?

'''Chris''': Yeah...yeah, I'm going to apologize to him, and he can have his Simonchu.

'''Alec''': Yes, he can have it, but what are you going to do? You're going to admit publicly that Simonchu is not yours to use, and you were wrong to do it. Right?

'''Chris''': Right. Simonchu is not mine.

'''Alec''': You're gonna put that in the video, and I also want you to put that in the comic.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright.

'''Alec''': Good. I'm glad. We're getting somewhere, Chris. I'm glad about this.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': It feels like you're finally starting to listen to me a little bit, because you haven't been listening to me.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': You know, I thought about what you said. About how Asperchu wouldn't like to be named Asperchu. I thought that I might write it into my comic, I might have Asperchu say that he likes his name. That would probably clear that problem up, don't you think?

'''Chris''': Uh... I guess so.

'''Alec''': Because I don't... Does that make sense to you? 'Cause I don't know if I believe this "comic characters are real" thing, but in case they are, you know, that's a good way to go, wouldn't you agree?

'''Chris''': Fairly.

'''Alec''': Fairly? Makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, if Asperchu says, out loud, he likes his name, then there's no way he could be lying.

'''Chris''': Hmm.

'''Alec''': I mean, you're always filling in Sonichu's speech bubbles, so whatever Sonichu says must be correct, right? Sonichu says he likes something, then he likes something. So if Asperchu says, in my comic, that he likes his name, then he likes his name.

'''Chris''': Okay, then.

'''Alec''': Wouldn't you agree?

'''Chris''': I thought, yeh, yeah, as long as, yeah, okay, well, just don't make any references of, you know, of my city of CWCville, or saying that my, my original Sonichu is related to Asperchu. Just, you know... [''sigh'']
'''Alec''': Um, well, like we talked about...

'''Chris''': You know, okay, this is like, you know, say, like, you know... Yeah. I'm just saying that they're not the original characters and just...

'''Alec''': Like we talked about before, well, you already admitted that, you already stated that the Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo and everything else that appears in my comic are just copies or not connected to you. So it really doesn't matter what I do with my Sonichu and my CWCville and all that, does it?

'''Chris''': No.

'''Alec''': 'Cause they're different that yours.

'''Chris''': Your CWCville is mine and the Chaotic Combo is mine. They're, they originally were mine.

'''Alec''': You said the ones that I'm using is different, though. That's the one that you tried to steal from me, remember?

'''Chris''': [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec''': You should probably also add this to your list, actually, you should probably apologize for stealing things from me, all the while you're trying to fight me stealing things from you. I think that's a good thing to add to your apology list.

'''Chris''': Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, okay, well, just do me a favor for, okay, before the re-creation of Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in your book, just, just establish that they're not the ones from CWCville, they're just from another, they're from...

'''Alec''': I'm not gonna consider doing a damn thing for you until I see this apology video and I'm satisfied with it.

'''Chris''': Alright, you will see the apology video.

'''Alec''': Because I know you've weaseled out of apologies before.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': If I'm not satisfied with the apology video, I'm gonna call you back and tell you that you need to do it again. So you might as well do it correct. Exactly correct the first time around.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay. I get it.

'''Alec''': Does that sound fair to you?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I'll get to work on that, and, uh, I'll have it up late tonight.

'''Alec''': Tonight, tomorrow, whenever you want. It's your schedule.

'''Chris''': Okay. Alright, I gotta go now. You take care, bye-bye.

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Chris and Alec Call 3]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|}}

=External links=
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?hb54dyq7l410ctt The original audio]
*[https://youtu.be/Nc4yR4fXCDY Part one of the call on YouTube]
*[https://youtu.be/iEz04iGXk1Y Part two of the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5

2015-08-25T16:24:01Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Updated out of date YouTube link leading to video that was no longer available.

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5''' is the fifth of the phone calls between Alec and Chris, which took place on 2 February 2010.

==Summary==

This call comes after Chris's [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|first apology video]], the making of which Alec and Chris discussed in their previous phone call. Alec is obviously annoyed with [[Chris]] to the point of berating him like he's a child, which becomes a recurring theme in their subsequent conversations. Alec calls Chris a [[troll]] and a bully and is upset that he decided to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|curse Mao]]. He is also upset that the apology video was missing key elements which Alec requested as well as containing subjects such as belittling Alec's fanbase as well as not apologizing to [[Evan]] in the comic.

Eventually, Chris steals a page from [[Wikipedia:Norman Bates|Norman Bates]] as he tries to impersonate [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] in order to get off the phone with Alec. Note that pretending to be a woman doesn't require him to change the pitch of his voice.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|uG0UP9K4zZw}}
| Stardate = 02 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===

 '''Alec''': It's Alec. How are you?

 '''Chris''': Hey Alec. I'm doing okay, how are you?

 '''Alec''': I'm good, I'm good. Yeah... So, uh... I saw your apology video.

 '''Chris''': Hmm.

 '''Alec''': Yeah, um... You were... I'm glad that uh, you know you got some things there but you're missing a couple of things from the video.

 '''Chris''': Hmm... I missed a couple of things...

 '''Alec''': Yeah, yeah, yeah... A few things actually. Um, you know I asked you to apologize for the word 'naïve'. You didn't do that.

 '''Chris''': Oh, okay.

 '''Alec''': 'Cause, you know...

 '''Chris''': My bad.

 '''Alec''': Yep, yeah, it is your bad. 'Cause that word is such a huge deal to you I wanted you to mention that specifically. Pretty sure I said that.

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': Another thing you said, you said my, "quote unquote fanmail", which, I didn't like that. It was like you were suggesting that I don't actually have real fans. That's... that's not nice, Chris.

 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Well, I did not mean that.

 '''Alec''': Well, why'd you say it?

[''After long pause, both interrupt each other'']

 '''Alec''': I don't really like going through this, y'know, night after night, Chris. I mean it... I shouldn't have to tell these things over and over. You know. You tell a kid things over and over.

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': An adult-A man should, y'know, listen once and know what to do.

 '''Chris''': Yep.

 '''Alec''': Um... Let's see, what else. Well apparently you... You made a video right before I talked to you cursing Mao. That wasn't good either, Chris. I mean I-I don't think I specifically mentioned Mao when I talked to you but I think you should have been able to infer that I don't want you cursing him either.

 '''Chris''': I see.

 '''Alec''': You know, I used-I used to-

 '''Chris''': But he put-he put-he put up a bunch of dicks on my CWCipedia yesterday!

 '''Alec''': I used to think that Mao was being too mean with you. I used to kinda sympathize with you about how Mao was being mean to you, but then I realized that, uh, you're a bully and you don't respond to anything except, uh, you know, mean things like that. Now, I kind of think Mao had the right idea. 'Cause I was trying to be nice to you and all you did was insult me.

 '''Chris''': No, you misunderstand me. I am not a bully.

 '''Alec''': Oh, oh you're not? Death threats, that's not-

 '''Chris''': I am not a bully!

 '''Alec''': Oh, oh no, no, of course not. Hacking into my computer, breaking into my house... Bullies don't do that, do they? ''[Chris tries to get in a word edgewise, but fails]'' I guess technically that's true, bullies don't do that, hardened criminals do things like that. Which is, you know, worse than a bully. You are a troll, though. That's for certain.

 '''Chris''': I am not a troll!

 '''Alec''': Oh, bullshit. Bullshit.

 '''Chris''': Although I did... Although I will apologize...

 '''Alec''': Ever since Asperchu appeared you've being doing nothing but trying to shut me down. Just like the trolls that try to shut you down.

 '''Chris''': ''[Mumbles something]''

 '''Alec''': But you know, but the great Christian Weston Chandler, he's perfect, you know. Nobody can... Can attack him or parody him, but if someone else does something that he doesn't like, doesn't matter if it has nothing to do with him... There's gonna be hell to pay. You wanna hack my website, hack my X-Box account, steal some dating game I don't even have... I don't need, you know, dating sims by the way... And destroy my console. That's not the work of a bully or a troll at all, is it?

 '''Chris''': I-I said that the idea was in my head, I never said I would actually to do it.

 '''Alec''': Your idea was in your comic, you put it out there for everyone to read. It-it wasn't just in your head. And hey, I thought, I thought that, uh, comics were real. Comics are just as real as real people, right? So, if you draw it on paper, then it must be the same thing as wanting to actually act on it in real life, right? Isn't that how that works? You made all of your characters slander me.

 '''Chris''': Uh, excuse me a moment. Yes? [''Chris walks away from the phone and does a horrible impression of his mother''] Hey! Hey Christian, listen. I need you to go clean up kitty's poo in the kitchen. Oh, okay mom, I'll take care of it. And let the kitty out, would ya? Sure, I'll be right out there. [''Chris comes back to the phone''] Uh, yeah, my mom's telling me I've gotta go clean up kitty's poo, I've gotta go, so uh... Is there a number I can call you back at? So I can talk to you later?

 '''Alec''': Um, I really don't want to give you a number 'cause you troll me on the internet already, you'll probably troll me on the phone if I gave you my contact number. You know what? You know, you go ahead... Y-you go ahead, I know, I know letting the cat out is probably gonna be hard work and is gonna make you want to sleep 'cause I know your biological clock is, is you know, is all whacked out from all your stress. 'Cause I know it's stressful, uh, trolling me... So.

 '''Chris''': I'm not trolling you. But anyway. Yeah.

 '''Alec''': Oh... The hell...

 '''Chris''': But anyway. Other questions that you have you send them to my e-mail...

 '''Alec''': Okay, well, Chris? I-I wanna let you know that, um, that your apology video was not satisfactory, and you haven't even apologized to Evan at all in your comic like I asked you to. So you go ahead and go, and I'll talk to you later. I'll call you when you don't-

 '''Chris''': Well yeah, but by the way-by the way I unblocked your e-mail, so you can send-send your own-send your thoughts in typing as well.

 '''Alec''': Oh. I'll... Well, you know... Such a gracious, uh-

 '''Chris''': Never mind, I'll-

 '''Alec''': Such a- such a gracious... Allowance that you made there.

[''-Tape Ends-'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|Chris and Alec Call 4]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|Chris and Alec Call 6]]|}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?9b4vn8rxmv2pwhd Full Audio of the Call]
*[https://youtu.be/uG0UP9K4zZw The Call on Youtube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6

2015-08-25T16:22:37Z

Meester Siemen: Removed erroneous "" entries which were causing green font to leak into the page outside of name tags.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6''' is the sixth of the calls between Chris and Alec Benson Leary, which took place on 04 February 2010. As Alec notes several times, Chris is far too agreeable to Alec's conditions, and at times simply doesn't seem to be listening.

The end result of the demands was the [[I am Alive|C-log of 5 February 2010]], in which Chris half-asses his way through most of Alec's requests.

As a result, the [[CWCipedia]] was shut down from February 6 to February 12. When it was brought back up, the Asperchu ads were made worse, just as Alec promised.

=Summary=

Alec spends much of the phone call dictating his list of demands to Chris and asking Chris to recite this list multiple times. Alec repeatedly tells Chris that if Chris meets all of his demands, the ads for the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]] will be removed from the CWCipedia, but if his demands are not met in full, his ads will get worse. All the while, Chris tries to rush the phone conversation, clearly not taking this shit seriously enough. Alec brushes upon the topic of the word [[naïve]] and Chris shows yet again that he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. [[Autism|He also believes that the phrase "well call me naïve" is an invitation to call someone naïve]]. Alec explains that it is just a turn of phrase, but metaphor and sarcasm seem to be concepts that are beyond Chris's grasp. Alec presents Chris with a hypothetical situation when someone says "just shoot me" and asks what Chris would do. [[Sonichu Special 4|Chris actually considers shooting someone in this case]].

Chris's ignorance is in full swing here. He feels that attracting fans from another fandom should be considered stealing, as if fans spontaneously generate out of nothing and the ones he has are his property and no one else's. Also, Chris still has no idea how ad space works. Alec spends a great deal of time explaining to Chris how many Sonichu characters are in violation of various [[Chris and copyright|copyrights]] and that if Chris tries to publish Sonichu, he will be sued by Nintendo, Hasbro, Sega, etc. He proposes to Chris that he must reboot Sonichu without all the [[Transformers]], all the [[Pokemon]], [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]], and the other shit Chris stole. Chris says he will [[lie|take it into consideration]], but clearly will not as he seems averse to the idea of rebooting Sonichu. Judging from Chris's history of [[White knight e-mails|rejecting good advice]], Chris will continue Sonichu in all its copyright-infringing glory.

==Alec's Demands==

Alec's demands for Chris were as follows:

#Admit that Alec has greater Fanbase.
#Admit that he asked Evan permission to use Simonla.
#Admit that Simonla was never Chris’s creation.
#Admit that he attempted to edit the CWCipedia article to say that Simonla was his creation.
#Acknowledge that Evan took away rights for Chris to use Simonla and that Chris has been ignoring this
#Apologize for using the word naive about Alec.
#Apologize for cursing Mao and give a Forgiveness Blessing to him.
#Apologize for stealing the false Chaotic Combo and Asperchu from Alec.
#Make the apologies in a comic page.
#Apologize for impersonating his mother off camera (not in a video).
#Admit that Chris has been trolling Alec.
#Apologize for insinuating that Alec keeps female prisoners in his basement and rapes them.
#Admit that he doesn’t have a good excuse to not upload pages everyday.
#Apologize for disrespecting his fans.
#Violently kill Simonla in the comic.
#Wear Sonichu medallion and high school ring while filming the video.
#Admit Sonichu is a doomed franchise.
#Not look insincere.

Chris tried to weasel his way out of meeting all of Alec's requests. He gave Mao a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing, killed off Simonla off-screen after Alec specifically asked for her to be killed on-screen, and admitted to not having an excuse for updating '''some days''', but that life gets in the way, even though Chris clearly doesn't have a life. He completely refused to mention that he had been trolling Alec and that Sonichu is a doomed franchise. Chris gave the most resistance to these ideas in the phone conversation. Chris also showed no sincerity and tried to rush though the video. Needless to say, Alec was far from pleased with Chris.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ugNAgDywFlc}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': ''[cut off]''-s it's, uh, it's Alec.

'''Chris''': Yes, hello, Alec.

'''Alec''': Hi. Um. Uh, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to...continue our discussion about, um, about getting all the ads down?

'''Chris''': Ohhhh-kay.

'''Alec''': Um, well first I wanna let you know that um, just to make it clear, if you-if you make another video that, um, includes all the requirements that I'm going to list for you, I will, uh, remove all of my ads completely. From the CWCipedia. If you, if you follow my instructions. That sound good?

'''Chris''': Yeah okay, hang on lemme get something to write on and something to write with.

'''Alec''': Alright.

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm listening.

'''Alec''': Alright. Um, first of all, like I said in our last call, I'd like you to admit that I do have a very sizable fanbase. Uh, because I think you believe that I don't have any real fans. I'd like you to admit that I do. I have quite a lot of fans. A lot of them are former Sonichu fans.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, yeah...admit that. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um, well, in your apology video I asked you to address not only Simonchu, but Simonla. And you didn't. And I'd like you to bring up that you actually did ask Evan permission to use Simonla when you first began using her, uh, which shows that you understood from the beginning that Simonla was not yours and you were borrowing her from-or, or him, rather, Simonchu-from the original creator. And I'd like you to admit that Simonla was never yours.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Hm.

'''Alec''': Will you do that, Chris?

'''Chris''': I'm writing it down, hang on.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Ummm...I'd like you to admit that you...attempted to edit the CWCipedia article about Simonla to say that she was your original creation. Well, wasn't a nice thing to do to your fans.

'''Chris''': Right. Anyway, uh, got that written down. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um...I want you to acknowledge that even though Evan gave you permission to use Simonla, he later took it away. And he took it away quite a long time ago. And I'd like you to admit that you have been ignoring and disrespecting his requests to remove his character from your comic.

'''Chris''': Alright I'm writing it down. Hm. Huh...permission to ''[mutters]''...

'''Alec''': You know, it sounds like, um, you're actually pretty agreeable about this, and I'm glad about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I'm writing it down here. Um...yeah.

'''Alec''': Well yeah you're writing it down. So you're, you're going to do those things so far?

'''Chris''': Yeah. ''[very quickly, as if trying to sneak this past Alec]'' Well anyway-anyway it's still debatable. Anyway. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[nobody's fool but his own]'' Nooo, it's not debatable. Chris, all these conditions I'm listing, you have to do these, or my ads go nowhere.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Anyway. Uh, okay, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Does that matter to you, Chris? You said that's debatable and I'm saying it's not. Don't you...wanna acknowledge that?

'''Chris''': Acknowledged, anyway, uh, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[sigh]'' Alright. Um, I asked you to apologize for the word "naïve". I want you to do that. Specifically say that you used the word "naïve" because you intended to hurt and insult me, and you know that I am not naïve.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright. Yeah. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': I want you to apologize for cursing Mao. And um, actually I'd like you to issue him-give him a forgive-a-ness blessing. To-to retract that curse-ye-ha-me-ha.

'''Chris''': Hm. Mm...okay, uh, anything-anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I want you to apologize for stealing from me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, the um...the false Chaotic Combo I created, you stole them, and you stole Asper...chu and tried to change them around.

'''Chris''': Uhh...

[pause]

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Um, can we talk about S-can we talk about Simonla a bit? Because I wanna know why you say it's debatable.

'''Chris''': Hm. Lemme think about that a moment...mm...okay, I guess that was a...premature thing to say, so I re-I respectfully withdraw it. So, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, so you...so you are going to say that Simonla is not y-you're going to say exactly what I asked you to say about Simonla? You're going to...?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, the next thing is...these are the things that I wanted you to make in a video. But I also want you to, um, in your comic, just take a page or whatever, you know, take a little side break from the main story, and use the page to explain, uh, everything that I just said as well. And I would like you to, in that comic page, apologize to me, and to Mao, and to Evan, for all the things that I just listed.

'''Chris''': Uh-huh.

'''Alec''': Are you gonna do that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': 'Cause uh, I asked you...I just wanna make sure you're going to do these Chris, 'cause I asked you to do these things last time that we talked about it, I mean the last time before you, you know, hung up on me, and um, you said you were writing it down but then you forgot like half the things that I asked you to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright so, is that it, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I guess you don't have to put it in the video, this next part, but I'd like you to apologize for pretending to be your mother in the last phone call. And uh, pretending that she was calling you away from the phone call.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': And the reason I'd like you to apologize for that is because I, um, really don't benefit a whole lot from calling you about these matters, I was calling you because I wanted to give you a quick and easy way to settle this whole ad business and to settle the fight between us, and rather than take the opportunity to listen to what I said, you pretended to be your mother, and, you know, pretended that your mother was calling you away to do an errand and you had to leave the phone call. So instead of handling the problem right then and there, and if you had done so, then, you know, the ads could have been gone by now, but instead you ''[Chris 'hm's]'' ran away from me. It shows you don't respect me.

'''Chris''': Right. Yeah. So, alright. Wrote that down. Anything else?

'''Alec''': Well, I'd like-I'd like you to admit that right now, Chris. That you lied about that.

'''Chris''': Okay, why don't-

'''Alec''': And since you-

'''Chris''': I admit that-I admit that I pretended to be my mother, to end the call early last time.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you did that, Chris?

'''Chris''': Because I felt it was going on and on, and I was-

'''Alec''': We were-

'''Chris''': -[[Stress|tired]]...

'''Alec''': We were barely on the phone for five minutes when you did that. And this is, like I said, this is a serious matter, and it's your problem that I'm trying to help you with. I was being gracious enough to call you, to, you know, give you a way to settle it. And you still-you ran away from me. Real men don't run away from their problems, Chris. When I-I talked to you, I talked to you on an even footing, man to man. I don't lie or deceive you. And I don't run away, even though you are a troll to me. Because, you know, obviously I've been calling you. To talk to you. Instead of hiding from you.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Um...that's another thing I want you to put in the video. I want you to admit that you are a troll. And that you have been trolling me ever since I-ever since my comic started. And use that word specifically. Say, "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am a troll."

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.
=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-jiEd8ruB-c}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': Can you, um, read back, uh, to me the list that you've made since we started this call, please?

'''Chris''': Okay. Admit that Alec has sizable fanbase, address the-I had permission for Simonchu but then it was withdrawn, and I did not admit to-uh, an a, admit-admit-admit Simonla was not mine, admit ''(?)'' anything to my Simonla article, yeah Evan gave permission, but withdrew it, gone against his wishes, no Simonla, apologize to Alec for calling him naïve, apologize to Mao forgiveness blessing, apologize for stealing Asperchu and parodic characters, and ''(?)'' comic page explaining all of that with more apologies, and I just apologized to you for pretending to be my mother to end the call early, and admit trolling you.

'''Alec''': Okay, good. That's good so far. Um, I'd also like you to apologize for insinuating that I keep female prisoners in my basement and use them as a...unwilling harem and rape them. Because I don't do anything of the sort.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': That's just creepy. I don't...I don't know where you got that idea.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I can kinda see some of the other complaints that you had were based on, you know, like direct misunderstanding of things, but-but that, you know, me raping female prisoner things...that just-that c-that came outta left field. Where'd you get that idea?

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' Yeah okay well, okay. Well actually...no. Ah...I never said-I never used the word 'rape', you just had them in prisom ''[sic]'' and you treated them like hamsters. You did not rape them.

'''Alec''': ''[talking over Chris, who says something unclear]'' What do you mean, 'treated them like hamsters'?

'''Chris''': You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.

'''Alec''': 'Kay, um, even if you didn't use the word 'rape', what do you think people-what do you think the impression is people are going to get when you suggest that someone keeps female prisoners in their basement? They're going to think that um, said prisoners are being raped by their captor. And I mean, that seems like a pretty obvious insinuation. Even if you don't use the word directly.

'''Chris''': Okay. Ahh...alright anything else after that?

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Umm...I am still trying to think. Um...y-you know, I apologize for seeming like I'm beating a dead horse, but I...I am a little suspicious that you seem so agreeable, because in all our previous correspondences you've been um, you know, insulting, rude, or...manipulative. Or a combination thereof. But now it seems like, you know, you're-you're just rearin' to go with this. ...Are you sure you're just not trying to-?

'''Chris''': ''(??)''

'''Alec''': -finish the phone call with me quickly? 'Cause,

'''Chris''': Well, I'm not trying to-

'''Alec''': Because-

'''Chris''': -[[Sonichu (comic)|finish anything]].

'''Alec''': Okay.

'''Chris''': I mean, [[Lie|I'm not trying to finish this phone call]], I want to put this to rest.

'''Alec''': Okay, well, good. 'Cause like I said, you do all these things perfectly, as I say, um-

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': -then my ads will go away. Um, but if-but if you make a video and you're missing anything, or if you deliberately contradict something, um, or if I feel like you are trying to pull a fast one on me and weasel out of something, then the ads are going to get worse. Because at this point I do have to assume that anything that goes wrong is a deliberate, um...evil intent on your part.

'''Chris''': I see.

'''Alec''': Do you-? I mean, that's a...fair assumption for me to make, don't you think? Considering how much you've-

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' You have, you have, you have right-you have the right to make that assumption.

'''Alec''': Mmkay. Kay, well good. Excuse me just a second.

'''Chris''': Kay.

''[pause, a [[stress sigh]] is heard]''

'''Alec''': Sorry about that, I'm back. Um...

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you think the word "naïve" is so... horrible?

''[small pause]''

'''Chris''': Not only does the word sound like nails on--nails on a chalkboard when one says it, but also, it questions one's intelligence and experience. In life.

'''Alec''': I-I think it actually only questions experience, it's not about intelligence.

'''Chris''': ''[interrupting]'' Yeah but, yeah but-experience versus knowledge... still implied, the knowledge part.

'''Alec''': Well no, knowledge is different from intelligence.

'''Chris''': Yeah but also similarly it can sound like, you know, callin' somebody stupid. Or worse than that.

'''Alec''': Well, you know, no pun intended here, but if you...if you believe that then I think you kind of are naïve. I mean, because the-that you-you don't have a, you know, an understanding of the word.

'''Chris''': I looked it up in a disshonary ''[sic]''. I have a understanding of the word.

'''Alec''': I-I don't know what dictionary you looked up that suggested it's a direct question of one's intelligence. ... I mean, lemme look it up on uh, an online dictionary here. Um...let's see..."lacking experience or judgments", it's really not about intelligence. And um, I am still kinda bothered that, you know, you think it's such a horrible insult that you wanted to use it on me.

'''Chris''': Hm. Okay well, in-

'''Alec''': And you-and you had happily-

'''Chris''': Okay well still in my defense though, [[Autism|you did tell me to-you did say, "well, call me naïve" during that particular conversation]].

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Um, you know that's just a turn of phrase, right? I wasn't actually asking you to call me naïve.

'''Chris''': ''[watch as Alec's words bounce off Chris, like throwing ping-pong balls at a whale...]'' Mmkay. Well, you gave me the opportunity, so that's my defense right there.

'''Alec''': You should-

'''Chris''': ''(?)'' -agree on that.

'''Alec''': You should exercise some personal responsibility though, because, you know, you think 'naïve' is such a horrible thing, like, have you ever heard the phrase, uh, "just shoot me"? Like, you know, someone's frustrated, they'll say "just shoot me." I mean, if someone said that in your presence, would you feel, you know, okay with [[Liquid|"well, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot them"]]?

'''Chris''': No, not nec-no, not necessarily shoot them.

'''Alec''': "Not necessarily"? Does that mean you'd consider it?

'''Chris''': Mm. No, I would not shoot them at all.

'''Alec''': Well, I should hope not. I mean, you shot people in your comic before. I hope you wouldn't shoot them in real life.

'''Chris''': Date. ''(?)'' Anyway, uh, alright, so, anything else for this video, or I mean-''[mumbles]'' aside from before apologize for labeling you as having female prisoners in your basement and...raping.

'''Alec''': Um, yes. There is another item. I'd like you to admit that you don't have a good excuse to not upload pages every day.

'''Chris''': Mm.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I think that's...correct, right? You don't have a job, you don't go to school. I have both, you know, school and a job, and I upload every day.

'''Chris''': Yeah. In my defense though, actually, [[Lie|yesterday I actually went on a nice d-on a date with a nice girl, and it was a great date, could have not gone better]].

'''Alec''': Oh, um, what was the date? Like all day, I mean, it wasn't like in the morning, was it? You could have uploaded in the morning.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I wa-Yeah well I was not up in the morning.

'''Alec''': Um, you didn't have, you know, any ti-What time did you wake up? How long do you sleep?

'''Chris''': ''[Unintelligible word mixing]'' Yeah, I woke up at about eleven.

'''Alec''': Yeah, well, that's not la-

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' And I had to go out and ru-I had to go-and I actually had to go out to run a couple of errands at the g-grocery store and also I had to go and get my family some anti-freeze for their car.

'''Alec''': Okay, well I-I have chores- ''[Can't make out over Chris's interruption]''

'''Chris''': And 'caus-and c-and the-and then with that I also had to take a shower and make myself fully ready for the date.

'''Alec''': Um ''[small sigh of disapproval]'' You know, when I-When I shower and clean myself up, that takes like 20 minutes. I-I, like I said, I have a job and school and I have errands to do and I go out with people and I go out on dates and I still make sure I upload every day. I mean, Sonichu is your-Think of-Think of it this way: Sonichu is gonna be your big franchise. That's what's gonna make you money, right? Um, so you should treat it like it is your...your day to day job.

'''Chris''': Yeah

'''Alec''': And ''[Chris interrupts again with another "Yeah"]'' You-When was the last day when you uploaded a page? It's been about a week, hasn't it? I mean, even if you had, you know ''[possibly "finished it"]'' yesterday...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting again]'' Well, in my-in my dis-yeeah-
=Part 3=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|OTNOR66_JAY}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Chris''': -Yeah, well, okay, I did update the CWCipedia day before yesterday.

'''Alec''': ''[interrupts]'' With new comic pages?

'''Chris''': I didn't necessarily upload. I made an ''update''.

'''Alec''': W-what kind of update did you make?

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': ''[unintelligible]'' the captain's log or a quote update.

'''Alec''': W-well, like, ''a quote''? Really? I mean...What does that take? 5 minutes?

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, well-I mean uh-I-''[unintelligible]''-answer letters and ema-in-To answer mailbag letters but I just-

'''Alec''': ''[Interrupting]'' Yeah, you got some mail-You got some mailbags piling up too.

'''Chris''': I-I just-I just could not-I just could not stand the, uh, image that was plag-that was plaguing my CWCipedia, that Mao put up. ''[Disapproving "Um" from Alec]'' I just could not stand that.

'''Alec''': You know, Chris, if we confront our demons head on and defeat them, we come out stronger on the other side. You won't accomplish anything by running from the ads just 'cause they're unpleasant to look at. I mean ''[Chris puts in a "Right" quickly]'' Yo-You se-You know, this is the internet. You've seen tons of unpleasant crap, I'm sure ''I'' have. It doesn't stop me from ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' going on the internet. Um, a-and like I said; "Sonichu is serious business". It's your job. You should-and jo-Jobs are difficult. Jobs are hard. And... ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' I've had-I've had plenty of hard jobs. Like, you...I don't think you have any real work experience, right? But trust me, jobs are difficult.

'''Chris''': ''[Probably disregarding everything Alec has just said because he mentioned that Chris has never had a hard job and Chris has only ever had "hard working jobs"]'' Hmm. Yeah, anyway uh...Is there anything else?

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Umm...Like I said, y-you know; Take Simonla out of the comic and, in the comic, apologize to me and Mao and Evan for...for everything I've listed.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': And...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I have the list here.

'''Alec''': Um, can I ask you what you're going to do to get your fans back? 'Cause you've lost a lot of fans to me and I know you want them back.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I'm going to change - I'm gonna continue my work and make my updates.

'''Alec''': 'kay, well, you've said that a lot in the past and your update pattern has ''drastically' dropped in the last couple of weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean, it seems like... think of it this way, Chris: I'm... I am your competition, obviously, and it seems that with one little series of unpleasant ads, I have completely shut down my competition. Now, ''I'm'' a nice guy, and I'm trying to help you, and the average artist who would be your competition is ''sure as hell'' not going to help you. So, imagine if they found out 'Oh, all I have to do is buy some space on his wiki and put up an ad he doesn't like looking at'! And that'll stop his comic production entirely. I mean, are my ads really the only reason you haven't uploaded pages in a week? Yeah, well, that and your... busy day... ''[Chris tries to say something and fails]''

'''Chris''': The very dirty ones. Yeah.

'''Alec''': Um, pardon me for being blunt, but that's kind of pathetic, don't ya think?

'''Chris''': Erm... takes one to know one.

'''Alec''': 'Takes one' what? Pathetic person? I... I wouldn't consider myself pathetic, because I have 30,000 fans, the number of which I took from you. So, I don't think I'm pathetic at all. I mean, why do you think I'm pathetic?

'''Chris''': Hmm... ''[pause]'' I do not have a reason at the moment!

'''Alec''': *sighs* Well...

'''Chris''': But... but, yeah, you-you'd pretty much had to consider yourself weak to think that, you know, t-to, y-you know, you have a bunch of fans to steal someone else's.

'''Alec''': Um... how else will uh... fans come around, Chris? How else does any new franchise gets fans? They come from other sources. People, people are not living in a vacuum. Y'know, people, fans have been fans of other things. That's how competition works, the better man wins. I'm productive and I...

'''Chris''': L-Lemme... still, the ''[unintelligible]'' of whom, your ads on my website. That... that was just... that was like stealing from me.

'''Alec''': Um...

'''Chris''': Yeah, even though you paid to put the ads there, you didn't pay the [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]], you paid [[Jack Thaddeus]].

'''Alec''': Yeah. Yeah, I rented from Jack Thaddeus. That's how it works. And it turns out people like Asperchu, so... I mean, y'know... how do you think...? You watch a lot of TV, right? I mean, you see a lot of commercials. Do you think all those... people who make those commercials, y'know, Coke or McDonald's and all that think that they're bad people because they use ads? That what you're saying to me? That I am bad just because I use ads? Good franchises advertise their products.

'''Chris''': I'm not, I, I am not saying that, but if you consider me competition then it it would just, it's just terribly wrong for you to try to encourage my fans to go to you by putting, by putting your ads on your own competition space. Yeah, what if I had put up, like, I had actually successfully bought ads, put ads, bought ad space on your website, and put my ads on your website. How would you feel about that.

'''Alec''': Umm, honestly I don't think I'd be worried, because you don't respect your fans, and you don't update for weeks at a time.

'''Chris''': ''[sigh]''

'''Alec''': I think, I think my consistency, and my sticktoitiveness, and my uh, work ethic, y'know, is what makes my product superior. My fans would stay with me. I mean, they might go and locate your website, your cwcki if you put adverts on mine, but they probably wouldn't see much there worth keeping them around. There's a length of sonichu on the asperpedia front page too, if you hadn't noticed. I mean I'm not...

'''Chris''': Um... Anyway, okay well, yeah, alright, anyway, is there uh, yeah okay are we-

'''Alec''': [interrupting] There is another, there is another... I'm sorry, go ahead?

'''Chris''': Nah, no I'm sorry you go ahead, you said there's another thing?

'''Alec''': There's another item for your list, I want you to apologize to your fans for disrespecting them. You disrespect them in general, I mean, all the time but, it's your mailbags because you don't offer thought out responses, and you delete most of the mail that comes to you these days. And, I, um, there was a bit of a backlash with I think mailbag 50 or 51, whichever one that you fabricated, y'know, positive mails for instead of taking mails from the supply of existing mail. The one that you said, y'know, the one where you, you, you basically wanted all your writers to trash me. ''[pause]'' Which is another thing I would add to the list, but I think I already covered y'know, wanting you to apologize for devoting all your time to trolling me lately.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean every video that you've made, like y'know your videos might be 2 or 5 or 10 minutes long, and it probably takes quite a bit of time to upload the videos, y'know that's all time you could've spent making your comic which would've kept fans around. But instead, the average fan sees two artists; they see me who makes a good comic, and they see you who attempts to terrorize other artists.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Okay well...

'''Alec''': Did I... Go ahead, what're you thinking about that.

'''Chris''': Go ahead.

'''Alec''': No no, I had another subject to bring up, but I'd like to have your response to this first.

'''Chris''': No that's alright, you said you had another topic? Another thing for my list?

'''Alec''': No I'd like to have your response to that first. What are you... do you really think it was a good idea for you to devote what little energy you did put into this whole comic thing in the first place to, um, attacking me? I mean why would you think that was a good idea?

'''Chris''': Well because you attacked me first by putting your ads on my website.

'''Alec''': Uh, that wasn't an attack, that was just a good business move.

'''Chris''': Well to me it was an attack.

'''Alec''': Well... it seems like to you everything is an attack. Seems like to you everything is ''[unintelligible; fast?]'' when it's not. ''[Speaking over Chris as he tries to interrupt]'' Um, Chris, do you think that it's okay for, um, for you to use Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog as characters in your story? And Transformers and Meg Griffin... I mean, wouldn't their original creators get mad? That you're taking their characters?

'''Chris''': Well first off, we're talking about my own Autobots, my own Autobots-

=Part 4=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|vDS3H7NhNko}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris''': -my own Decepticons, with recoloring and different names, so they're not, so hasbro's not going to complain about that.

'''Alec''': You know that Hasbro owns the names "Autobot" and "Decepticon", right? Just using those names is already... taking from them. ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' Even if- even if- What's that?

'''Chris''': I said, nobody's complainin' to me yet.

'''Alec''': Well, that's probably 'cause you haven't made money on ''Sonichu'' yet. If you- I promise if you made one dime on ''Sonichu'', umm... Hasbro and Sega and Nintendo... will come down on your head. Because you just recolored their characters.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or if it's, like-

'''Alec''': Chris, you can't afford to wait 'till you get to that bridge, because you've spent ''ten years'' devoting your life to this comic, which ''will'' unravel the instant you try to make money off it. Get one dime, lose fifty-thousand dollars in lawsuits. You need to... do something about it now, before you waste any more time and effort on a franchise that is full of, of stolen material!.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll think about that further.

'''Alec''': Chris, I'm trying to help you here. I mean it- ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' -How many, how many times tonight have you said, you know "Oh, I'll think about that, anything else?" like you, I think you ''are'' trying to rush this phone call. Chris, I have- you've gotta admit, I've got the patience of a saint, to... keep calling you, and, keep trying to be nice to you. And, it seems like you have no concern for anything I say. I mean, keep in mind, I am- ''[Chris tries to interrupt again, succeeds]''

'''Chris''': I am- [[Lies|I have paid attention to everything you said]].

'''Alec''': But, it seems like you don't want to take my advice!

'''Chris''': Well, I am going to take your advice here.

'''Alec''': You mean, you're going to restructure your comic completely and remove all elements of- you know, that belong to other creators? 'Cause that would pretty much take apart your entire comic. What are you going to do? What's your plan, what are you going to to, to... umm... follow that advice?

'''Chris''': The reboot will happen in book number twelve.

'''Alec''': Oh, well... umm... Well, you're still working on book ten, right? So, you'll have that, and then all of book eleven... [He trails off and Chris resumes]

'''Chris''': Yeah, book eleven will be like a clip show- which will unravel some of those plots... nnn.... whatnot. And uh, answer some questions, and then book twelve is, like, restarting with just Sonichu and Rosechu, and me not gettin' involved that much.

'''Alec''': Okay, well... umm... is Sonichu still going to be a product of Pikachu and Sonic? 'Cause that's a problem right there.

[Long Pause]

'''Chris''': I do not have an answer to that question... at the moment.

'''Alec''': Chris, I suggest that you, that you... instead of going through the rest of the episodes and issues, or, Issue ten and eleven; I suggest that you stop it all right now and come up with a completely different comic. Because that's the only way you're going to get away from lawsuits. You gotta answer this problem, because... you know, Nintendo and Sega, Hasbro and ''Family Guy''... they're not going to wait. They're not, and you- and you know that when I say that you need to do a reboot, umm, you know I mean that all of the Sonichu comics that currently exist- you can ''never'' attempt to get punished. Published, I mean.

[Long silence, then they try to talk in unison]

'''Chris''': Yeah, everything you said has been taken to heart... umm... mmm... yeah-

'''Alec''': I kind of doubt that. You're... you've got this kind of lackadaisical tone you're taking with me right now. [Sigh] Chris- do you believe I'm trying to help you? [Chris tries to interrupt multiple times, loses] Do you care that I'm trying to help you?

'''Chris''': Yes, I care.

'''Alec''': Do you feel bad that you've treated me like shit, even though I've tried to help you countless times? [Long pause, Chris tries to talk, but Alec continues] You sound like an old child trying to get out of being lectured, which is why I keep asking this. Chris, I'd like you to make me- I'd like you to make me believe that you actually are listening and believe everything I say, and when I say "Listen", I don't mean, "You wrote down the list I asked you to and can repeat the words back to me", that's not what "Listening" means. "Listen" means: You are actually considering what I say.

'''Chris''': Well I am actually considering what you are saying.

'''Alec''': Prove it to me Chris.

'''Chris''': Okay... how do I prove it to you?

'''Alec''': Show some... ''[Chris tries to interrupt, but it is garbled]'' show some concern. I mean.... say something other than 'I will take it into consideration'. That's the same thing you say to your fans every time they suggest ideas to you in the mailbag. I don't think you do take anything I say into consideration. You know what... [sighs] my first few calls with you, I was like nice like this, and you were insulting to me. And then the next few times I tried to call you, I got mean and loud and yelled a lot, and then it seemed like you actually listened. And now I'm trying to be nice again because I didn't want to... I don't like being mean to people, y'know, and now it seems like you've stopped listening again. I think... I was hoping for the best, but I think I may have been right, I may have hit the nail on the head when I said that you seem to only listen to yelling and insults.

'''Chris''': Well that is not true. I do not listen to only yelling and insults.

'''Alec''': Y'know, I think you do. Because... y'know, people, I think a big problem a lot of people have is that they believe the way they behave is the way that everybody behaves-

=Part 5=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|67oLiU372xk}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|part 4]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Alec''': -and the world they follow is the world everyone follows, and I think that because you rely on bullying and trolling and insulting and trying to make other people feel bad just to make yourself feel good... Because you practice all of those, I think that you believe that's the only set of rules that applies in the world.

'''Chris''': Well that is not the case.

'''Alec''': [''sarcastically''] You sound so convincing there, you really do.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Yeah... ''[laughs, then sighs]'' y'know... you seem to really care about what Mao says, and all Mao does is insult you. Did I tell you that to get rid of Simonla, I don't remember if I brought this up...

'''Chris''': [interrupting] Yeah, yes you did.

'''Alec''': Evan wants you to violently kill her in the comic? And display it, don't show it off screen or off panel, you have to show it in the comic, like show her head getting chopped off, or show her getting shot full of bullets, something like that.

'''Chris''': I will not kill her, but she will leave CWCville peacefully.

'''Alec''': Um, you have to kill her. You have to kill...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I am not going... I am not going to kill her. I will let her leave...

'''Alec''': ''[Talking over Chris]'' Chris... no that's one of my terms. It's not like Poochie from the Simpsons where you can just take his frame out... Chris, you violently kill her, or Evan might come down on you and the CWCipedia. And I know you already got the CWCipedia shut down once when you tried to manipulate the ads. If you don't respect this now, it's gonna get shut down again, because Evan is going to come down on you. And he would've come down on you a long time ago, except I was trying to be the voice of peace and was holding his anger in check. And I'm not gonna do that now. Now I've learned my lesson, now I'm just telling you the terms. You either follow them, or face Evan's anger.

'''Chris''': Alright...

'''Alec''': So you're going to violently kill Simonla, right? And show it?

'''Chris''': That will happen, yes.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, I suggest fire. I think that's always a good way to go to deal with characters that you want to get rid of. It's just, it's very visually, y'know, draws people in. Everybody loves fire. Sometimes I light people on fire in my comic, and every time I do, I get ALL this fanmail, just praising that one panel or that one page.

'''Chris''': Yeah.. well, I will think of tha- I will think of something. I will think about it. Alright...

'''Alec''': Can I have you one more time read off your list to me?

'''Chris''': Okay... ''[sigh]'' Admit Alec has sizable fanbase...

'''Alec''': Let's actually change that to 'admit Alec has a greater fanbase than you.' Let's just, because we should be specific.

'''Chris''': ...greater fanbase.

'''Alec''': Yup, bigger fanbase...

'''Chris''': That Chris can't...greater... said that, alright, anyway, that, address permission of Sonichu use, but then it was withdrawn, and uh, admit Simonla was not mine, uh, admit amending Simonla article, uh remove Simonla by death, apologize to you for calling you naïve, apologize to Mao with a forgiveness blessing to undo the curse, apologize for ''[unintelligible]'' Asperchu and parodic characters, make a comic page explaining all that, I just apologize to you for impersonating to be my mother to get out of the last phone call, apologize for insinuating female impri-impri-imprisonment and rape on you, admit to having no excuse for not updating on... uh, as often as I should, and apologize to my fans for disrespecting them in mailbags and delayed updates.

'''Alec''': Uhm and, when you make this video, make sure that you're wearing your Sonichu medallion and your high school ring so everyone knows it's true, and I don't wanna see any of that Groucho Marx glasses bullshit. Because you've done that before. This video, I don't want any way for you to weasel out of this video.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': This video will stand for all time.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': And, oh and, one last thing. I'd like you to admit that Sonichu is a doomed franchise and you have no way of actually profiting from it or publishing it without getting sued six ways from Sunday by the real owners of the products you use.

'''Chris''': ''[meekly]''...um, yeah.

'''Alec''': That's the final thing for the list.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Uhm, okay, so and... so it sounds like you've got the list comprehensive, which is good, I'm glad you've got that written down. And I just wanna emphasize again that you will do all of those items, both in a video and in your comic, and if you do it all perfectly, exactly the way I've laid out for you, and I don't sense you're trying to weasel out of anything or trying to pull a fast one on me, I will remove all my ads. I will release my contract with Jack. But if you do try to pull anything, then the ads are going to get worse. Because despite the fact that I am trying to be calm with you, I am still very angry with you, and if you try to pull anything on me, then I am going to punish you for it.

'''Chris''': Okay, alright, okay, okay well, I'll do all that, and I'll talk to you later.

'''Alec''': Alright. Well I look forward to seeing the ad and the comic.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Alright, you have a good night Chris.

'''Chris''': And you too.

''[Tape ends]''

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|}}

=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?as656t7bsbeu1o7 Audio download]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The Call on Youtube]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6

2015-08-25T16:12:05Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Update of dead link.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6''' is the sixth of the calls between Chris and Alec Benson Leary, which took place on 04 February 2010. As Alec notes several times, Chris is far too agreeable to Alec's conditions, and at times simply doesn't seem to be listening.

The end result of the demands was the [[I am Alive|C-log of 5 February 2010]], in which Chris half-asses his way through most of Alec's requests.

As a result, the [[CWCipedia]] was shut down from February 6 to February 12. When it was brought back up, the Asperchu ads were made worse, just as Alec promised.

=Summary=

Alec spends much of the phone call dictating his list of demands to Chris and asking Chris to recite this list multiple times. Alec repeatedly tells Chris that if Chris meets all of his demands, the ads for the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]] will be removed from the CWCipedia, but if his demands are not met in full, his ads will get worse. All the while, Chris tries to rush the phone conversation, clearly not taking this shit seriously enough. Alec brushes upon the topic of the word [[naïve]] and Chris shows yet again that he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. [[Autism|He also believes that the phrase "well call me naïve" is an invitation to call someone naïve]]. Alec explains that it is just a turn of phrase, but metaphor and sarcasm seem to be concepts that are beyond Chris's grasp. Alec presents Chris with a hypothetical situation when someone says "just shoot me" and asks what Chris would do. [[Sonichu Special 4|Chris actually considers shooting someone in this case]].

Chris's ignorance is in full swing here. He feels that attracting fans from another fandom should be considered stealing, as if fans spontaneously generate out of nothing and the ones he has are his property and no one else's. Also, Chris still has no idea how ad space works. Alec spends a great deal of time explaining to Chris how many Sonichu characters are in violation of various [[Chris and copyright|copyrights]] and that if Chris tries to publish Sonichu, he will be sued by Nintendo, Hasbro, Sega, etc. He proposes to Chris that he must reboot Sonichu without all the [[Transformers]], all the [[Pokemon]], [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]], and the other shit Chris stole. Chris says he will [[lie|take it into consideration]], but clearly will not as he seems averse to the idea of rebooting Sonichu. Judging from Chris's history of [[White knight e-mails|rejecting good advice]], Chris will continue Sonichu in all its copyright-infringing glory.

==Alec's Demands==

Alec's demands for Chris were as follows:

#Admit that Alec has greater Fanbase.
#Admit that he asked Evan permission to use Simonla.
#Admit that Simonla was never Chris’s creation.
#Admit that he attempted to edit the CWCipedia article to say that Simonla was his creation.
#Acknowledge that Evan took away rights for Chris to use Simonla and that Chris has been ignoring this
#Apologize for using the word naive about Alec.
#Apologize for cursing Mao and give a Forgiveness Blessing to him.
#Apologize for stealing the false Chaotic Combo and Asperchu from Alec.
#Make the apologies in a comic page.
#Apologize for impersonating his mother off camera (not in a video).
#Admit that Chris has been trolling Alec.
#Apologize for insinuating that Alec keeps female prisoners in his basement and rapes them.
#Admit that he doesn’t have a good excuse to not upload pages everyday.
#Apologize for disrespecting his fans.
#Violently kill Simonla in the comic.
#Wear Sonichu medallion and high school ring while filming the video.
#Admit Sonichu is a doomed franchise.
#Not look insincere.

Chris tried to weasel his way out of meeting all of Alec's requests. He gave Mao a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing, killed off Simonla off-screen after Alec specifically asked for her to be killed on-screen, and admitted to not having an excuse for updating '''some days''', but that life gets in the way, even though Chris clearly doesn't have a life. He completely refused to mention that he had been trolling Alec and that Sonichu is a doomed franchise. Chris gave the most resistance to these ideas in the phone conversation. Chris also showed no sincerity and tried to rush though the video. Needless to say, Alec was far from pleased with Chris.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ugNAgDywFlc}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': ''[cut off]''-s it's, uh, it's Alec.

'''Chris''': Yes, hello, Alec.

'''Alec''': Hi. Um. Uh, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to...continue our discussion about, um, about getting all the ads down?

'''Chris''': Ohhhh-kay.

'''Alec''': Um, well first I wanna let you know that um, just to make it clear, if you-if you make another video that, um, includes all the requirements that I'm going to list for you, I will, uh, remove all of my ads completely. From the CWCipedia. If you, if you follow my instructions. That sound good?

'''Chris''': Yeah okay, hang on lemme get something to write on and something to write with.

'''Alec''': Alright.

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm listening.

'''Alec''': Alright. Um, first of all, like I said in our last call, I'd like you to admit that I do have a very sizable fanbase. Uh, because I think you believe that I don't have any real fans. I'd like you to admit that I do. I have quite a lot of fans. A lot of them are former Sonichu fans.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, yeah...admit that. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um, well, in your apology video I asked you to address not only Simonchu, but Simonla. And you didn't. And I'd like you to bring up that you actually did ask Evan permission to use Simonla when you first began using her, uh, which shows that you understood from the beginning that Simonla was not yours and you were borrowing her from-or, or him, rather, Simonchu-from the original creator. And I'd like you to admit that Simonla was never yours.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Hm.

'''Alec''': Will you do that, Chris?

'''Chris''': I'm writing it down, hang on.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Ummm...I'd like you to admit that you...attempted to edit the CWCipedia article about Simonla to say that she was your original creation. Well, wasn't a nice thing to do to your fans.

'''Chris''': Right. Anyway, uh, got that written down. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um...I want you to acknowledge that even though Evan gave you permission to use Simonla, he later took it away. And he took it away quite a long time ago. And I'd like you to admit that you have been ignoring and disrespecting his requests to remove his character from your comic.

'''Chris''': Alright I'm writing it down. Hm. Huh...permission to ''[mutters]''...

'''Alec''': You know, it sounds like, um, you're actually pretty agreeable about this, and I'm glad about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I'm writing it down here. Um...yeah.

'''Alec''': Well yeah you're writing it down. So you're, you're going to do those things so far?

'''Chris''': Yeah. ''[very quickly, as if trying to sneak this past Alec]'' Well anyway-anyway it's still debatable. Anyway. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[nobody's fool but his own]'' Nooo, it's not debatable. Chris, all these conditions I'm listing, you have to do these, or my ads go nowhere.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Anyway. Uh, okay, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Does that matter to you, Chris? You said that's debatable and I'm saying it's not. Don't you...wanna acknowledge that?

'''Chris''': Acknowledged, anyway, uh, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[sigh]'' Alright. Um, I asked you to apologize for the word "naïve". I want you to do that. Specifically say that you used the word "naïve" because you intended to hurt and insult me, and you know that I am not naïve.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright. Yeah. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': I want you to apologize for cursing Mao. And um, actually I'd like you to issue him-give him a forgive-a-ness blessing. To-to retract that curse-ye-ha-me-ha.

'''Chris''': Hm. Mm...okay, uh, anything-anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I want you to apologize for stealing from me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, the um...the false Chaotic Combo I created, you stole them, and you stole Asper...chu and tried to change them around.

'''Chris''': Uhh...

[pause]

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Um, can we talk about S-can we talk about Simonla a bit? Because I wanna know why you say it's debatable.

'''Chris''': Hm. Lemme think about that a moment...mm...okay, I guess that was a...premature thing to say, so I re-I respectfully withdraw it. So, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, so you...so you are going to say that Simonla is not y-you're going to say exactly what I asked you to say about Simonla? You're going to...?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, the next thing is...these are the things that I wanted you to make in a video. But I also want you to, um, in your comic, just take a page or whatever, you know, take a little side break from the main story, and use the page to explain, uh, everything that I just said as well. And I would like you to, in that comic page, apologize to me, and to Mao, and to Evan, for all the things that I just listed.

'''Chris''': Uh-huh.

'''Alec''': Are you gonna do that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': 'Cause uh, I asked you...I just wanna make sure you're going to do these Chris, 'cause I asked you to do these things last time that we talked about it, I mean the last time before you, you know, hung up on me, and um, you said you were writing it down but then you forgot like half the things that I asked you to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright so, is that it, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I guess you don't have to put it in the video, this next part, but I'd like you to apologize for pretending to be your mother in the last phone call. And uh, pretending that she was calling you away from the phone call.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': And the reason I'd like you to apologize for that is because I, um, really don't benefit a whole lot from calling you about these matters, I was calling you because I wanted to give you a quick and easy way to settle this whole ad business and to settle the fight between us, and rather than take the opportunity to listen to what I said, you pretended to be your mother, and, you know, pretended that your mother was calling you away to do an errand and you had to leave the phone call. So instead of handling the problem right then and there, and if you had done so, then, you know, the ads could have been gone by now, but instead you ''[Chris 'hm's]'' ran away from me. It shows you don't respect me.

'''Chris''': Right. Yeah. So, alright. Wrote that down. Anything else?

'''Alec''': Well, I'd like-I'd like you to admit that right now, Chris. That you lied about that.

'''Chris''': Okay, why don't-

'''Alec''': And since you-

'''Chris''': I admit that-I admit that I pretended to be my mother, to end the call early last time.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you did that, Chris?

'''Chris''': Because I felt it was going on and on, and I was-

'''Alec''': We were-

'''Chris''': -[[Stress|tired]]...

'''Alec''': We were barely on the phone for five minutes when you did that. And this is, like I said, this is a serious matter, and it's your problem that I'm trying to help you with. I was being gracious enough to call you, to, you know, give you a way to settle it. And you still-you ran away from me. Real men don't run away from their problems, Chris. When I-I talked to you, I talked to you on an even footing, man to man. I don't lie or deceive you. And I don't run away, even though you are a troll to me. Because, you know, obviously I've been calling you. To talk to you. Instead of hiding from you.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Um...that's another thing I want you to put in the video. I want you to admit that you are a troll. And that you have been trolling me ever since I-ever since my comic started. And use that word specifically. Say, "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am a troll."

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.
=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-jiEd8ruB-c}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Alec''': Can you, um, read back, uh, to me the list that you've made since we started this call, please?

'''Chris''': Okay. Admit that Alec has sizable fanbase, address the-I had permission for Simonchu but then it was withdrawn, and I did not admit to-uh, an a, admit-admit-admit Simonla was not mine, admit ''(?)'' anything to my Simonla article, yeah Evan gave permission, but withdrew it, gone against his wishes, no Simonla, apologize to Alec for calling him naïve, apologize to Mao forgiveness blessing, apologize for stealing Asperchu and parodic characters, and ''(?)'' comic page explaining all of that with more apologies, and I just apologized to you for pretending to be my mother to end the call early, and admit trolling you.

'''Alec''': Okay, good. That's good so far. Um, I'd also like you to apologize for insinuating that I keep female prisoners in my basement and use them as a...unwilling harem and rape them. Because I don't do anything of the sort.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': That's just creepy. I don't...I don't know where you got that idea.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I can kinda see some of the other complaints that you had were based on, you know, like direct misunderstanding of things, but-but that, you know, me raping female prisoner things...that just-that c-that came outta left field. Where'd you get that idea?

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' Yeah okay well, okay. Well actually...no. Ah...I never said-I never used the word 'rape', you just had them in prisom ''[sic]'' and you treated them like hamsters. You did not rape them.

'''Alec''': ''[talking over Chris, who says something unclear]'' What do you mean, 'treated them like hamsters'?

'''Chris''': You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.

'''Alec''': 'Kay, um, even if you didn't use the word 'rape', what do you think people-what do you think the impression is people are going to get when you suggest that someone keeps female prisoners in their basement? They're going to think that um, said prisoners are being raped by their captor. And I mean, that seems like a pretty obvious insinuation. Even if you don't use the word directly.

'''Chris''': Okay. Ahh...alright anything else after that?

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Umm...I am still trying to think. Um...y-you know, I apologize for seeming like I'm beating a dead horse, but I...I am a little suspicious that you seem so agreeable, because in all our previous correspondences you've been um, you know, insulting, rude, or...manipulative. Or a combination thereof. But now it seems like, you know, you're-you're just rearin' to go with this. ...Are you sure you're just not trying to-?

'''Chris''': ''(??)''

'''Alec''': -finish the phone call with me quickly? 'Cause,

'''Chris''': Well, I'm not trying to-

'''Alec''': Because-

'''Chris''': -[[Sonichu (comic)|finish anything]].

'''Alec''': Okay.

'''Chris''': I mean, [[Lie|I'm not trying to finish this phone call]], I want to put this to rest.

'''Alec''': Okay, well, good. 'Cause like I said, you do all these things perfectly, as I say, um-

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': -then my ads will go away. Um, but if-but if you make a video and you're missing anything, or if you deliberately contradict something, um, or if I feel like you are trying to pull a fast one on me and weasel out of something, then the ads are going to get worse. Because at this point I do have to assume that anything that goes wrong is a deliberate, um...evil intent on your part.

'''Chris''': I see.

'''Alec''': Do you-? I mean, that's a...fair assumption for me to make, don't you think? Considering how much you've-

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' You have, you have, you have right-you have the right to make that assumption.

'''Alec''': Mmkay. Kay, well good. Excuse me just a second.

'''Chris''': Kay.

''[pause, a [[stress sigh]] is heard]''

'''Alec''': Sorry about that, I'm back. Um...

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you think the word "naïve" is so... horrible?

''[small pause]''

'''Chris''': Not only does the word sound like nails on--nails on a chalkboard when one says it, but also, it questions one's intelligence and experience. In life.

'''Alec''': I-I think it actually only questions experience, it's not about intelligence.

'''Chris''': ''[interrupting]'' Yeah but, yeah but-experience versus knowledge... still implied, the knowledge part.

'''Alec''': Well no, knowledge is different from intelligence.

'''Chris''': Yeah but also similarly it can sound like, you know, callin' somebody stupid. Or worse than that.

'''Alec''': Well, you know, no pun intended here, but if you...if you believe that then I think you kind of are naïve. I mean, because the-that you-you don't have a, you know, an understanding of the word.

'''Chris''': I looked it up in a disshonary ''[sic]''. I have a understanding of the word.

'''Alec''': I-I don't know what dictionary you looked up that suggested it's a direct question of one's intelligence. ... I mean, lemme look it up on uh, an online dictionary here. Um...let's see..."lacking experience or judgments", it's really not about intelligence. And um, I am still kinda bothered that, you know, you think it's such a horrible insult that you wanted to use it on me.

'''Chris''': Hm. Okay well, in-

'''Alec''': And you-and you had happily-

'''Chris''': Okay well still in my defense though, [[Autism|you did tell me to-you did say, "well, call me naïve" during that particular conversation]].

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Um, you know that's just a turn of phrase, right? I wasn't actually asking you to call me naïve.

'''Chris''': ''[watch as Alec's words bounce off Chris, like throwing ping-pong balls at a whale...]'' Mmkay. Well, you gave me the opportunity, so that's my defense right there.

'''Alec''': You should-

'''Chris''': ''(?)'' -agree on that.

'''Alec''': You should exercise some personal responsibility though, because, you know, you think 'naïve' is such a horrible thing, like, have you ever heard the phrase, uh, "just shoot me"? Like, you know, someone's frustrated, they'll say "just shoot me." I mean, if someone said that in your presence, would you feel, you know, okay with [[Liquid|"well, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot them"]]?

'''Chris''': No, not nec-no, not necessarily shoot them.

'''Alec''': "Not necessarily"? Does that mean you'd consider it?

'''Chris''': Mm. No, I would not shoot them at all.

'''Alec''': Well, I should hope not. I mean, you shot people in your comic before. I hope you wouldn't shoot them in real life.

'''Chris''': Date. ''(?)'' Anyway, uh, alright, so, anything else for this video, or I mean-''[mumbles]'' aside from before apologize for labeling you as having female prisoners in your basement and...raping.

'''Alec''': Um, yes. There is another item. I'd like you to admit that you don't have a good excuse to not upload pages every day.

'''Chris''': Mm.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I think that's...correct, right? You don't have a job, you don't go to school. I have both, you know, school and a job, and I upload every day.

'''Chris''': Yeah. In my defense though, actually, [[Lie|yesterday I actually went on a nice d-on a date with a nice girl, and it was a great date, could have not gone better]].

'''Alec''': Oh, um, what was the date? Like all day, I mean, it wasn't like in the morning, was it? You could have uploaded in the morning.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I wa-Yeah well I was not up in the morning.

'''Alec''': Um, you didn't have, you know, any ti-What time did you wake up? How long do you sleep?

'''Chris''': ''[Unintelligible word mixing]'' Yeah, I woke up at about eleven.

'''Alec''': Yeah, well, that's not la-

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' And I had to go out and ru-I had to go-and I actually had to go out to run a couple of errands at the g-grocery store and also I had to go and get my family some anti-freeze for their car.

'''Alec''': Okay, well I-I have chores- ''[Can't make out over Chris's interruption]''

'''Chris''': And 'caus-and c-and the-and then with that I also had to take a shower and make myself fully ready for the date.

'''Alec''': Um ''[small sigh of disapproval]'' You know, when I-When I shower and clean myself up, that takes like 20 minutes. I-I, like I said, I have a job and school and I have errands to do and I go out with people and I go out on dates and I still make sure I upload every day. I mean, Sonichu is your-Think of-Think of it this way: Sonichu is gonna be your big franchise. That's what's gonna make you money, right? Um, so you should treat it like it is your...your day to day job.

'''Chris''': Yeah

'''Alec''': And ''[Chris interrupts again with another "Yeah"]'' You-When was the last day when you uploaded a page? It's been about a week, hasn't it? I mean, even if you had, you know ''[possibly "finished it"]'' yesterday...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting again]'' Well, in my-in my dis-yeeah-
=Part 3=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|OTNOR66_JAY}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

'''Chris''': -Yeah, well, okay, I did update the CWCipedia day before yesterday.

'''Alec''': ''[interrupts]'' With new comic pages?

'''Chris''': I didn't necessarily upload. I made an ''update''.

'''Alec''': W-what kind of update did you make?

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': ''[unintelligible]'' the captain's log or a quote update.

'''Alec''': W-well, like, ''a quote''? Really? I mean...What does that take? 5 minutes?

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, well-I mean uh-I-''[unintelligible]''-answer letters and ema-in-To answer mailbag letters but I just-

'''Alec''': ''[Interrupting]'' Yeah, you got some mail-You got some mailbags piling up too.

'''Chris''': I-I just-I just could not-I just could not stand the, uh, image that was plag-that was plaguing my CWCipedia, that Mao put up. ''[Disapproving "Um" from Alec]'' I just could not stand that.

'''Alec''': You know, Chris, if we confront our demons head on and defeat them, we come out stronger on the other side. You won't accomplish anything by running from the ads just 'cause they're unpleasant to look at. I mean ''[Chris puts in a "Right" quickly]'' Yo-You se-You know, this is the internet. You've seen tons of unpleasant crap, I'm sure ''I'' have. It doesn't stop me from ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' going on the internet. Um, a-and like I said; "Sonichu is serious business". It's your job. You should-and jo-Jobs are difficult. Jobs are hard. And... ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' I've had-I've had plenty of hard jobs. Like, you...I don't think you have any real work experience, right? But trust me, jobs are difficult.

'''Chris''': ''[Probably disregarding everything Alec has just said because he mentioned that Chris has never had a hard job and Chris has only ever had "hard working jobs"]'' Hmm. Yeah, anyway uh...Is there anything else?

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Umm...Like I said, y-you know; Take Simonla out of the comic and, in the comic, apologize to me and Mao and Evan for...for everything I've listed.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': And...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I have the list here.

'''Alec''': Um, can I ask you what you're going to do to get your fans back? 'Cause you've lost a lot of fans to me and I know you want them back.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I'm going to change - I'm gonna continue my work and make my updates.

'''Alec''': 'kay, well, you've said that a lot in the past and your update pattern has ''drastically' dropped in the last couple of weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean, it seems like... think of it this way, Chris: I'm... I am your competition, obviously, and it seems that with one little series of unpleasant ads, I have completely shut down my competition. Now, ''I'm'' a nice guy, and I'm trying to help you, and the average artist who would be your competition is ''sure as hell'' not going to help you. So, imagine if they found out 'Oh, all I have to do is buy some space on his wiki and put up an ad he doesn't like looking at'! And that'll stop his comic production entirely. I mean, are my ads really the only reason you haven't uploaded pages in a week? Yeah, well, that and your... busy day... ''[Chris tries to say something and fails]''

'''Chris''': The very dirty ones. Yeah.

'''Alec''': Um, pardon me for being blunt, but that's kind of pathetic, don't ya think?

'''Chris''': Erm... takes one to know one.

'''Alec''': 'Takes one' what? Pathetic person? I... I wouldn't consider myself pathetic, because I have 30,000 fans, the number of which I took from you. So, I don't think I'm pathetic at all. I mean, why do you think I'm pathetic?

'''Chris''': Hmm... ''[pause]'' I do not have a reason at the moment!

'''Alec''': *sighs* Well...

'''Chris''': But... but, yeah, you-you'd pretty much had to consider yourself weak to think that, you know, t-to, y-you know, you have a bunch of fans to steal someone else's.

'''Alec''': Um... how else will uh... fans come around, Chris? How else does any new franchise gets fans? They come from other sources. People, people are not living in a vacuum. Y'know, people, fans have been fans of other things. That's how competition works, the better man wins. I'm productive and I...

'''Chris''': L-Lemme... still, the ''[unintelligible]'' of whom, your ads on my website. That... that was just... that was like stealing from me.

'''Alec''': Um...

'''Chris''': Yeah, even though you paid to put the ads there, you didn't pay the [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]], you paid [[Jack Thaddeus]].

'''Alec''': Yeah. Yeah, I rented from Jack Thaddeus. That's how it works. And it turns out people like Asperchu, so... I mean, y'know... how do you think...? You watch a lot of TV, right? I mean, you see a lot of commercials. Do you think all those... people who make those commercials, y'know, Coke or McDonald's and all that think that they're bad people because they use ads? That what you're saying to me? That I am bad just because I use ads? Good franchises advertise their products.

'''Chris''': I'm not, I, I am not saying that, but if you consider me competition then it it would just, it's just terribly wrong for you to try to encourage my fans to go to you by putting, by putting your ads on your own competition space. Yeah, what if I had put up, like, I had actually successfully bought ads, put ads, bought ad space on your website, and put my ads on your website. How would you feel about that.

'''Alec''': Umm, honestly I don't think I'd be worried, because you don't respect your fans, and you don't update for weeks at a time.

'''Chris''': ''[sigh]''

'''Alec''': I think, I think my consistency, and my sticktoitiveness, and my uh, work ethic, y'know, is what makes my product superior. My fans would stay with me. I mean, they might go and locate your website, your cwcki if you put adverts on mine, but they probably wouldn't see much there worth keeping them around. There's a length of sonichu on the asperpedia front page too, if you hadn't noticed. I mean I'm not...

'''Chris''': Um... Anyway, okay well, yeah, alright, anyway, is there uh, yeah okay are we-

'''Alec''': [interrupting] There is another, there is another... I'm sorry, go ahead?

'''Chris''': Nah, no I'm sorry you go ahead, you said there's another thing?

'''Alec''': There's another item for your list, I want you to apologize to your fans for disrespecting them. You disrespect them in general, I mean, all the time but, it's your mailbags because you don't offer thought out responses, and you delete most of the mail that comes to you these days. And, I, um, there was a bit of a backlash with I think mailbag 50 or 51, whichever one that you fabricated, y'know, positive mails for instead of taking mails from the supply of existing mail. The one that you said, y'know, the one where you, you, you basically wanted all your writers to trash me. ''[pause]'' Which is another thing I would add to the list, but I think I already covered y'know, wanting you to apologize for devoting all your time to trolling me lately.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean every video that you've made, like y'know your videos might be 2 or 5 or 10 minutes long, and it probably takes quite a bit of time to upload the videos, y'know that's all time you could've spent making your comic which would've kept fans around. But instead, the average fan sees two artists; they see me who makes a good comic, and they see you who attempts to terrorize other artists.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Okay well...

'''Alec''': Did I... Go ahead, what're you thinking about that.

'''Chris''': Go ahead.

'''Alec''': No no, I had another subject to bring up, but I'd like to have your response to this first.

'''Chris''': No that's alright, you said you had another topic? Another thing for my list?

'''Alec''': No I'd like to have your response to that first. What are you... do you really think it was a good idea for you to devote what little energy you did put into this whole comic thing in the first place to, um, attacking me? I mean why would you think that was a good idea?

'''Chris''': Well because you attacked me first by putting your ads on my website.

'''Alec''': Uh, that wasn't an attack, that was just a good business move.

'''Chris''': Well to me it was an attack.

'''Alec''': Well... it seems like to you everything is an attack. Seems like to you everything is ''[unintelligible; fast?]'' when it's not. ''[Speaking over Chris as he tries to interrupt]'' Um, Chris, do you think that it's okay for, um, for you to use Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog as characters in your story? And Transformers and Meg Griffin... I mean, wouldn't their original creators get mad? That you're taking their characters?

'''Chris''': Well first off, we're talking about my own Autobots, my own Autobots-

=Part 4=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|vDS3H7NhNko}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris''': -my own Decepticons, with recoloring and different names, so they're not, so hasbro's not going to complain about that.

'''Alec''': You know that Hasbro owns the names "Autobot" and "Decepticon", right? Just using those names is already... taking from them. ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' Even if- even if- What's that?

'''Chris''': I said, nobody's complainin' to me yet.

'''Alec''': Well, that's probably 'cause you haven't made money on ''Sonichu'' yet. If you- I promise if you made one dime on ''Sonichu'', umm... Hasbro and Sega and Nintendo... will come down on your head. Because you just recolored their characters.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or if it's, like-

'''Alec''': Chris, you can't afford to wait 'till you get to that bridge, because you've spent ''ten years'' devoting your life to this comic, which ''will'' unravel the instant you try to make money off it. Get one dime, lose fifty-thousand dollars in lawsuits. You need to... do something about it now, before you waste any more time and effort on a franchise that is full of, of stolen material!.

'''Chris''': Well, I'll think about that further.

'''Alec''': Chris, I'm trying to help you here. I mean it- ''[Chris tries to interrupt]'' -How many, how many times tonight have you said, you know "Oh, I'll think about that, anything else?" like you, I think you ''are'' trying to rush this phone call. Chris, I have- you've gotta admit, I've got the patience of a saint, to... keep calling you, and, keep trying to be nice to you. And, it seems like you have no concern for anything I say. I mean, keep in mind, I am- ''[Chris tries to interrupt again, succeeds]''

'''Chris''': I am- [[Lies|I have paid attention to everything you said]].

'''Alec''': But, it seems like you don't want to take my advice!

'''Chris''': Well, I am going to take your advice here.

'''Alec''': You mean, you're going to restructure your comic completely and remove all elements of- you know, that belong to other creators? 'Cause that would pretty much take apart your entire comic. What are you going to do? What's your plan, what are you going to to, to... umm... follow that advice?

'''Chris''': The reboot will happen in book number twelve.

'''Alec''': Oh, well... umm... Well, you're still working on book ten, right? So, you'll have that, and then all of book eleven... [He trails off and Chris resumes]

'''Chris''': Yeah, book eleven will be like a clip show- which will unravel some of those plots... nnn.... whatnot. And uh, answer some questions, and then book twelve is, like, restarting with just Sonichu and Rosechu, and me not gettin' involved that much.

'''Alec''': Okay, well... umm... is Sonichu still going to be a product of Pikachu and Sonic? 'Cause that's a problem right there.

[Long Pause]

'''Chris''': I do not have an answer to that question... at the moment.

'''Alec''': Chris, I suggest that you, that you... instead of going through the rest of the episodes and issues, or, Issue ten and eleven; I suggest that you stop it all right now and come up with a completely different comic. Because that's the only way you're going to get away from lawsuits. You gotta answer this problem, because... you know, Nintendo and Sega, Hasbro and ''Family Guy''... they're not going to wait. They're not, and you- and you know that when I say that you need to do a reboot, umm, you know I mean that all of the Sonichu comics that currently exist- you can ''never'' attempt to get punished. Published, I mean.

[Long silence, then they try to talk in unison]

'''Chris''': Yeah, everything you said has been taken to heart... umm... mmm... yeah-

'''Alec''': I kind of doubt that. You're... you've got this kind of lackadaisical tone you're taking with me right now. [Sigh] Chris- do you believe I'm trying to help you? [Chris tries to interrupt multiple times, loses] Do you care that I'm trying to help you?

'''Chris''': Yes, I care.

'''Alec''': Do you feel bad that you've treated me like shit, even though I've tried to help you countless times? [Long pause, Chris tries to talk, but Alec continues] You sound like an old child trying to get out of being lectured, which is why I keep asking this. Chris, I'd like you to make me- I'd like you to make me believe that you actually are listening and believe everything I say, and when I say "Listen", I don't mean, "You wrote down the list I asked you to and can repeat the words back to me", that's not what "Listening" means. "Listen" means: You are actually considering what I say.

'''Chris''': Well I am actually considering what you are saying.

'''Alec''': Prove it to me Chris.

'''Chris''': Okay... how do I prove it to you?

'''Alec''': Show some... ''[Chris tries to interrupt, but it is garbled]'' show some concern. I mean.... say something other than 'I will take it into consideration'. That's the same thing you say to your fans every time they suggest ideas to you in the mailbag. I don't think you do take anything I say into consideration. You know what... [sighs] my first few calls with you, I was like nice like this, and you were insulting to me. And then the next few times I tried to call you, I got mean and loud and yelled a lot, and then it seemed like you actually listened. And now I'm trying to be nice again because I didn't want to... I don't like being mean to people, y'know, and now it seems like you've stopped listening again. I think... I was hoping for the best, but I think I may have been right, I may have hit the nail on the head when I said that you seem to only listen to yelling and insults.

'''Chris''': Well that is not true. I do not listen to only yelling and insults.

'''Alec''': Y'know, I think you do. Because... y'know, people, I think a big problem a lot of people have is that they believe the way they behave is the way that everybody behaves-

=Part 5=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|67oLiU372xk}}
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|part 4]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Alec''': -and the world they follow is the world everyone follows, and I think that because you rely on bullying and trolling and insulting and trying to make other people feel bad just to make yourself feel good... Because you practice all of those, I think that you believe that's the only set of rules that applies in the world.

'''Chris''': Well that is not the case.

'''Alec''': [''sarcastically''] You sound so convincing there, you really do.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Yeah... ''[laughs, then sighs]'' y'know... you seem to really care about what Mao says, and all Mao does is insult you. Did I tell you that to get rid of Simonla, I don't remember if I brought this up...

'''Chris''': [interrupting] Yeah, yes you did.

'''Alec''': Evan wants you to violently kill her in the comic? And display it, don't show it off screen or off panel, you have to show it in the comic, like show her head getting chopped off, or show her getting shot full of bullets, something like that.

'''Chris''': I will not kill her, but she will leave CWCville peacefully.

'''Alec''': Um, you have to kill her. You have to kill...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I am not going... I am not going to kill her. I will let her leave...

'''Alec''': ''[Talking over Chris]'' Chris... no that's one of my terms. It's not like Poochie from the Simpsons where you can just take his frame out... Chris, you violently kill her, or Evan might come down on you and the CWCipedia. And I know you already got the CWCipedia shut down once when you tried to manipulate the ads. If you don't respect this now, it's gonna get shut down again, because Evan is going to come down on you. And he would've come down on you a long time ago, except I was trying to be the voice of peace and was holding his anger in check. And I'm not gonna do that now. Now I've learned my lesson, now I'm just telling you the terms. You either follow them, or face Evan's anger.

'''Chris''': Alright...

'''Alec''': So you're going to violently kill Simonla, right? And show it?

'''Chris''': That will happen, yes.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, I suggest fire. I think that's always a good way to go to deal with characters that you want to get rid of. It's just, it's very visually, y'know, draws people in. Everybody loves fire. Sometimes I light people on fire in my comic, and every time I do, I get ALL this fanmail, just praising that one panel or that one page.

'''Chris''': Yeah.. well, I will think of tha- I will think of something. I will think about it. Alright...

'''Alec''': Can I have you one more time read off your list to me?

'''Chris''': Okay... ''[sigh]'' Admit Alec has sizable fanbase...

'''Alec''': Let's actually change that to 'admit Alec has a greater fanbase than you.' Let's just, because we should be specific.

'''Chris''': ...greater fanbase.

'''Alec''': Yup, bigger fanbase...

'''Chris''': That Chris can't...greater... said that, alright, anyway, that, address permission of Sonichu use, but then it was withdrawn, and uh, admit Simonla was not mine, uh, admit amending Simonla article, uh remove Simonla by death, apologize to you for calling you naïve, apologize to Mao with a forgiveness blessing to undo the curse, apologize for ''[unintelligible]'' Asperchu and parodic characters, make a comic page explaining all that, I just apologize to you for impersonating to be my mother to get out of the last phone call, apologize for insinuating female impri-impri-imprisonment and rape on you, admit to having no excuse for not updating on... uh, as often as I should, and apologize to my fans for disrespecting them in mailbags and delayed updates.

'''Alec''': Uhm and, when you make this video, make sure that you're wearing your Sonichu medallion and your high school ring so everyone knows it's true, and I don't wanna see any of that Groucho Marx glasses bullshit. Because you've done that before. This video, I don't want any way for you to weasel out of this video.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': This video will stand for all time.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': And, oh and, one last thing. I'd like you to admit that Sonichu is a doomed franchise and you have no way of actually profiting from it or publishing it without getting sued six ways from Sunday by the real owners of the products you use.

'''Chris''': ''[meekly]''...um, yeah.

'''Alec''': That's the final thing for the list.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Uhm, okay, so and... so it sounds like you've got the list comprehensive, which is good, I'm glad you've got that written down. And I just wanna emphasize again that you will do all of those items, both in a video and in your comic, and if you do it all perfectly, exactly the way I've laid out for you, and I don't sense you're trying to weasel out of anything or trying to pull a fast one on me, I will remove all my ads. I will release my contract with Jack. But if you do try to pull anything, then the ads are going to get worse. Because despite the fact that I am trying to be calm with you, I am still very angry with you, and if you try to pull anything on me, then I am going to punish you for it.

'''Chris''': Okay, alright, okay, okay well, I'll do all that, and I'll talk to you later.

'''Alec''': Alright. Well I look forward to seeing the ad and the comic.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Alright, you have a good night Chris.

'''Chris''': And you too.

''[Tape ends]''

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|}}

=External Links=
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?as656t7bsbeu1o7 Audio download]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The Call on Youtube]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7

2015-08-25T16:10:52Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Update of dead link.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7''' is the seventh of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 08 February 2010. They discuss the locking of the [[CWCipedia]] on 6 February 2010, as well as Chris's [[5_February_2010|apology video]] from the previous day.

The conversation is extremely one-sided, with many long pauses and silences following Alec's comments. Chris has very little to say except when goaded, and even then his answers are sullen and short. While Alec makes a dogged attempt to reason with him, he fails.

=Summary=

As the conversation begins, Chris is predictably unhappy about the locking of the CWCipedia to edits. Supposedly, he was planning to get back to answering [[Mailbag]] entries after a long period of computer trouble.

Alec presses Chris on the subject of doing away with his infringing character [[Simonla]] and publishing a written apology to [[Evan]] in the pages of his comic. Chris is obviously resistant, and indeed admitted in a [[9_February_2010|later video]] that he [[Lie|never intended]] to give up Simonla.

The topic then moves to Chris's [[I_am_Alive|second apology video]]. Alec argues that Chris was merely going through the motions and didn't actually understand or care about what he was apologizing for. Chris lamely attempts to claim otherwise, but it's obvious that Alec is correct. At around this point in the conversation, Chris becomes increasingly withdrawn and doesn't seem to be listening to much of what Alec has to say.

Alec rouses Chris briefly by challenging him on his misconception of what the term "[[biological clock]]" actually means. He also gets a reaction by claiming that Chris doesn't actually care about his comic. In response, Chris blames his broken-down computer for his failure to publish more pages and updates. Apparently, it was disabled by a power surge for a few days in early February. When Alec points out that Chris could easily have spent some of his [[List of Chris's games|video game budget]] on a more reliable computer, Chris has no response.

The conversation finally ends when Alec lays into Chris for the massive amount of time he flushes away on games and flailing around at invisible enemies on the internet. When Alec attempts to dish out some valuable advice regarding Chris's total waste of his life, Chris hangs up.

=Part 1=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|CQRXNy7EGSs}}
| Stardate = 08 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

 '''Chris''': Hello?

 '''Alec''': Hey, Chris, it's Alec.

 '''Chris''': Hello, Alec.

 '''Alec''': How are you? You're good?

 '''Chris''': I'm doing okay, I'm doing okay.

 '''Alec''': Cool, cool. Ah, just calling to see how things are going with...well, I know that Evan went forward with freezing the CWCipedia on you.

 '''Chris''': Yeah.

 '''Alec''': Yeah. So, uh...what are you thinking about that?

 '''Chris''': What am I thinking about that? I can't edit it, I can't edit squat!

 '''Alec''': Well...

 '''Chris''': I was gonna answer some more Mailbag letters!

 '''Alec''': Well...

 '''Chris''': I finally got my [[Computers|PC]] back and running after a weekend of not having it after a power fail- after a power failure. [''[[sigh]]'']

 '''Alec''': Well, you know, um, I think the thing here is you did kinda drop the ball on getting the pages up, you know, as quick as possible.

 '''Chris''': I am gonna get the pages up, and Simonla will be, Simonla will be killed.

 '''Alec''': Um, well, that's good, I'm just...you know, Evan, he got kinda impatient, because he was waiting a long time for this. I talked to him about it, but he's, he wasn't keen to move on it. He just wanted to. Do you have them finished? The Simonla death page and the apology page?

 '''Chris''': And I'll, and I'll have them, I'll have them upload...either tomorrow or Wednesday, whenever the thing is un-frozen.

 '''Alec''': I think Evan wants you to show them to him first, just to make sure they're good.

 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh'']

 '''Alec''': Well, you know, can you blame him? He just wants to see the product before he un-freezes the site. 'Cause if it's not what he wants then he's going to re-freeze the site, and that's a hassle for him. He's gotta make sure you're good on your word.

 '''Chris''': Yeah. Alright, yeah. I'll, I'll send them to him, I have them sent to him tomorrow.

 '''Alec''': Alright. Well, you know, that's between you and Evan. I'm going to, I'm gonna go ahead and say that I'm just not satisfied with your apology video, and I don't think I'll be asking you to make another, because it's...it's become apparent to me that...I don't think you really even understand what you did wrong. 'Cause that video, well, first of all, the call last time, you were just aching to get off the phone with me. You were just trying to hurry the call along. And then the video, you just read off a list. It was rather apparent that you didn't put any thought into why I wanted you to say those things at all. And that was really the point, Chris, it wasn't about getting you to read things off a list, it was about getting you to...

 '''Chris''': [''interrupting''] Well, I mean, yeah, actually I did, actually I did get the point behind everything.

 '''Alec''': There was even less emotion in your voice in that video than there is normally, when you apologize for something. I mean I've seen apology videos you made before and they're all pretty lackluster, but this one was just like a slap in the face. You didn't say Sonichu was a failing franchise, either. That was part of my list. Sonichu can't make money. And you said you would say it, but you didn't. You know, you weren't actually sorry. You said those things that I asked you to say because you thought that reading them off a list would get my ads off of your site. I took my ads off your site for the moment, just because I don't really want Asperchu associated with your perennial legal troubles, but if you do get CWCipedia back up, then my ads are going back, because I'm not satisfied. That's if you get it up, Chris, because as far as I can tell you don't really even care about Sonichu that much.

 '''Chris''': Oh yes I do!

 '''Alec''': Well...

 '''Chris''': I have to [''garbled''] in the pages.

 '''Alec''': Chris, I warned you numerous times, over the past several weeks, that someone was targeting you for a lawsuit over problems you were causing with Sonichu. If I was warned that someone was targeting me for a lawsuit, and they had grounds to sue me, I would deal with it right away. I would drop what I was doing. I mean, you had time, Chris. You had all the time in the world.

 '''Chris''': Hmm.

 '''Alec''': Doesn't that seem reasonable to you? You don't go to school. You don't have a job. You know, I asked you what your day was like, last time I talked to you, and you said that you were sleeping in 'til eleven in the morning. I mean, eleven, Chris? That's ridiculous. I would kill to be able to sleep in all day. I have to get up early every day because I have things that I need to do. I mean, you could have slept in 'til ten instead and then used the extra hour to make the apology page, or make an apology video, or both.

 '''Chris''': Some days...

 '''Alec''': I mean, I don't understand what this whole "biological clock" thing is that you keep falling back on. Are you even listening to me right now? You weren't listening last time. I think you said in...

 '''Chris''': You know what, look it up, do you know what, look it up on Wikipedia.

 '''Alec''': Look up what?

 '''Chris''': Biological, biological clock!

 '''Alec''': Biological clock?

 '''Chris''': Now I'm...

 '''Alec''': "Biological clock" is a phrase that women usually use to their most fertile reproductive years. I really have no reason, no understanding of why you would apply that to yourself.

 '''Chris''': It means, it, it reference to, to sleeping schedule.

 '''Alec''': [''sigh of his own''] You know, I don't have problems with sleeping, any sleeping schedule. I think maybe, I think, you know, what happens with a lot of people when they have absolutely nothing to do with their days, that's when their sleep schedule gets messed up. See, I have a routine, I have to go to work, and I have to go to school, and I work on my comic because I care about my comic. You don't have a job or school and you don't care about your comic, therefore your body...

 '''Chris''': I actually do, I actually do care about my stuff! I care about my stuff!

 '''Alec''': Your actions say otherwise. You know, you don't upload any pages, how many times have I told you, you have to start uploading pages? Not just when I wanted you to make the apology page, I just mean in general. But you don't, you didn't listen.

 '''Chris''': Well, I have been working on the pages, and I will be uploading them as soon as the thing gets un-frozen! And I had to go through my, without a PC the past weekend, because I was on a power failure!

 '''Alec''': Power failure?

 '''Chris''': Yeah!

 '''Alec''': Like the power was knocked out all weekend? That doesn't stop you from drawing...

 '''Chris''': It was actually knocked out, it was actually knocked out for about 40 minutes, but then it took me a lot longer for me to get my computer back up and running.

 '''Alec''': Um, I have blackouts on occasion and my computer shuts off, and then when the power comes on I just press the power button. My computer comes back up in a minute.

 '''Chris''': You know, for me, it can't, it, it came, I tried powering back on and then, and then the farthest it had gotten was just the introductory HP Pavilion blue screen. And then it would go into looking like one of those color bars where the station's not broadcasting.

 '''Alec''': So what you're saying is you don't take care of the equipment that you need to do your comic.

 '''Chris''': I admit I need a new computer.

 '''Alec''': Why can't you buy one? I've seen...

 '''Chris''': I can't afford one right now.

 '''Alec''': I've seen videos of you in your room, you've got a fancy, you've got like a 40-inch HDTV in there, you've got your PlayStation 3, you've got a wall full of video games, but you can't afford a basic computer? Nothing fancy, costs maybe a couple hundred bucks. I could go buy myself 10 new computers right now if I wanted. Good computers. I wouldn't do it because I save my money, but the fact that I'm capable is proof of that. How many video games do you own that you don't play, Chris?

 '''Chris''': I play all my games in, within my lifetime, for your information.

 '''Alec''': How many of them do you currently play? I've played a lot of games in my lifetime, but I own very few right now, because as soon as I'm done with them I usually sell them. You sure have a lot of time on your hands, Chris, to play all those games, for that matter. I've never come close to owning as many games as you have. Chris, how many hours a week do you spend on video games right now?

 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] I dunno, I'd say about...

=Part 2=
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|SOcJBMaPj1g}}
| Stardate = 08 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
 '''Chris''': -maybe two or four a day?

 '''Alec''': That's an awful lot of time to be spending on video games per day. And that is time that you could be using on your comic, if you cared about your comic, but obviously you care more about video games.

 '''Chris''': I do care about my comic, it's just I have, it's just I use that, it's actually between drawing, drawing page, between drawing and coloring.

 '''Alec''': But you could use that video game time to upload them. And you never did that.

 '''Chris''': Oh yes I do!

 '''Alec''': How many days have you missed since you promised you would upload two pages a day? You don't care. Your actions say that you don't care. Actions speak louder than words, Chris. I don't even consider you competition anymore, do you know that? Because you, you obviously, my competition are artists who actually care about their work, and you play video games all day. And then you sleep in, because you have nothing to do. And then you, when you do actually take time to do something, you don't actually work on your comic, you just attack me. And then when I'm nice to you, you continue to attack me. And then when I get mad and yell at you, you back down right away, because you can't stand up in a fight. And then when I'm nice again, because I think to myself, "I don't wanna keep yelling, because I'm not that kind of person," then you become disrespectful again. Do you have anything to say, Chris?

[''total silence'']

 '''Alec''': He hung up.

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|Chris and Alec Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|}}

=External links=
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?137kyhrdc4jpb3v The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y80N40s3JmA The Call on Youtube]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2015-08-25T16:09:43Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Update of dead link.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8''' is the eighth and the second to last of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 18 February 2010.

==Summary==
Alec calls Chris, at the latter's request, to discuss the inclusion of [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] in the [[CWCipedia]] ad space. Chris, naturally, wants the pages taken down, but Alec explains the many ways in which Chris reneged on their earlier agreement concerning the removal of Asperpedia's ads. From there, the conversation spirals out into a lengthy discussion of Chris's laziness, hypocrisy, bigotry, and dishonesty, until [[stress]] finally overwhelms him and he refuses to continue.

Some of Chris's strangest psychological issues find prominent display here. For instance, his difficulty accepting the fact that his fictional characters are exactly that - fictional - leads to a bizarre passage where Alec is able to swamp him with guilt regarding the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]]. It takes several minutes for Chris to come up with a partial admission that his characters don't actually have a life of their own. Chris's repetition of the idiom "killing people left and right" suggests a very minor [[CWC-ism]]. Chris likes idioms.

Chris's fear of [[homos]]exuals seems to remain in effect, despite his recent claims of a change of heart on the subject. While at one point Chris says he now "sees them in a more positive light," he apparently still wants to see all the homos vaccinated and turned into decent, honest straight people. Chris claims that this will save them from going to hell, but he's unable to cite any scriptural or other basis for this belief. Alec points out that Chris is unfairly stereotyping homosexuals in the same way other people might stereotype autistics, a point that was likely lost on Chris two or three minutes after Alec made it.

On more everyday topics, Chris claims to be spending some time lately cleaning up his family's [[14 Branchland Court|disaster area of a house]], although there's as yet no corroborating evidence to confirm this. Of course, he describes simple household maintenance tasks in tones most people usually reserve for the torments of the damned. He also claims to have some 30 pages of his comic in the works for publication on his birthday, February 24, but can't come up with a decent explanation for why he wouldn't upload at least some of those pages sooner and maintain a more regular update schedule. (In the end, he managed to upload only 20 of the promised pages, and they arrived a day late.) When Alec tells Chris that he has seen his house, Chris begins [[My Little Pony|button mash]]ing his phone to death in an attempt to disconnect from the call.

Eventually, just as in their [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|previous phone call]], Alec's comments become ever-so-slightly pointed, which is enough to drive Chris into a full-speed retreat. He manages to muster a polite goodbye instead of simply hanging up, but he is clearly in no mood to face any more harsh reality.

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|sesY5V_WA1A}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Hi Alec.

'''Alec:''' So uh, [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec, but Alec wins''] I got your e-mail, uh, looks like you want to talk. What's, uh, what's up?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, uh, just to let you know that I'm uh, that I'm in the middle of dinner right now so we'll have to make this short. But, ahh, yeah, I am a bit, uh, concerned that you have continued with the, ahh, oversized ads on the [[CWCipedia]]... I mean those- the smaller banner ads- that was that was okay. I would have accepted that- I would have accepted that on a daily basis. But, no, you had to add- you had to go and... [''Alec begins to talk over Chris'']

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' add-

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' a whole-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' page-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Alec:''' You asked me to call you... *right* at 9:30 and when I do, you're [[obesity|eating dinner?]]

[''Alec sounds understandably annoyed.'']

'''Chris:''' Well, I wasn't sure, because I'm...

'''Alec:''' What are you eating?

'''Chris:''' I'm having some chicken.

'''Alec:''' I- ugh. Chris, [[Chris and his ego|if you're going to ask someone to go out of their way for you for something you should probably... actually allow them to do so and not act like you are inconvenienced when they do.]] That's just a suggestion. But I-

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' But I- well... I-I-I think [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec for this whole sentence''] maybe, if you actually want to have a serious discussion- that's why I called... but... maybe let the chicken wait until we're done with our call, how about that? Cuz' I don't like calling you only to hear that you have something else to do even though this is the exact time you told me to call.

'''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' So. So. So, why don't we have our talk, and maybe the chicken will get cold, but you can microwave it when we're done.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So we had the understanding that we were not going to go back to the oversize ads again.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Okay, well, I can explain that. Do you remember how I told you that if you met my requirements exactly, I would remove the ads, but if you failed to meet my requirements, the ads would get worse? Do you remember when I said that to you?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes...I...that...

'''Alec:''' So you failed to meet my requirements. You did meet Evan's requirements, apparently. Evan is happy with you, and I'm proud of you for doing that, because Evan is, he's satisfied that you killed Simonla. However, I am not Evan, and I had different requirements than Evan.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, why are you not satisfied?

'''Alec:''' Mm. Well, there's a few reasons. First and foremost, you did not state all of the things that I told you to in your apology video. Like how Sonichu cannot make money in its current form and is a doomed franchise and you will need to start over with something original. You made no mention of that. Already. Next, your last apology video was... Well, "insincere" is kind of too lenient, if I called it that. It was just, it was just insulting. I mean, you obviously felt absolutely no remorse whatsoever. Even though you swore up and down to me when I talked to you that you did. But I'm pretty sure you just wanted to finish the phone call, and you thought that you could just read things off a list and that would please me. Oh, and then you hung up on me, I think like five or six times.

'''Chris:''' And I did, the last one I did apologize for that in the e-mail I sent you.

'''Alec:''' Um, but you hung up on me multiple times. Chris, I think that you believe, I think you believe that if you do something wrong and then you offer a superficial apology, you believe that gives you license to just do it all over again. You know, that's not what apology is about, right?

'''Chris:''' That is not what apologies are about.

'''Alec:''' Okay. And the reason you hung up on me is because you were trying to avoid me. You were trying to just brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I will admit that, the last one, and I apologize for that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. So, if you want that apology to mean anything, then in the future, including this call, and if we talk again, you are actually going to have to stick to that word and not ever again attempt to brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' That make sense? Now. Let's talk about those ads for a bit. If you notice, they really aren't ads for Asperpedia anymore. What I started, I started a new comic, called [[Sonichu Revolution]]. And that's actually what I'm using the adspace for. And what Sonichu Revolution is, it's actually, it's like a reboot of Sonichu, see, since you aren't uploading pages I thought I would do a nice thing for your fans and use my ad space to keep your fans happy.

'''Chris:''' [''has been trying to interrupt''] Well, no, I am, I am doing the pages now. Listen, your comic pages, they should, they should stay on your website, your website alone. I do not want your pages on my website that only shows my pages.

'''Alec:''' Oh, it's kinda too bad that I bought ad space on your website, when I gave you multiple opportunities to get out of me having web space, er, ad space on your website. You didn't take them. I can do what I want with my ad space.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' How many times did I, was I gracious enough to give you an extremely easy way out of all of this?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, not sure. Define, define "easy."

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, by "easy" I mean, how many times did I lay out a very clear, very specific set of requirements that I had of you, and where I promised that if you followed those requirements, exactly, then I would remove all my ads and I would do my best to stop Evan from, you know, attempting to sue you. Evan's, you know, in the past, he's happy now, but my ads are still an issue. And you know, I asked you to be sincere about the apology, which you never were.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, just to let you know, okay, well, I understand for, yes, uh, you did offer me with, you did tell me very descriptively, very detailed-ly, what you wanted, a number of times. I'm gonna est-, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna estimate like about five to 10 times at this point. Because we have not talked over the phone that much. For maybe 20, or 20 minutes, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, we've talked... Well, it's not quite that high. I think three or four times I specifically laid everything out for you.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, well, okay, at this point, yeah. An overbid is a good estimate.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one. So yeah, multiple times I gave you opportunities to, you know, to handle the situation and to come out scot-free. And, if I remember correctly, I did talk about how you are the luckiest person in the world, to have competition like me, who would be so generous and go out of his way to help his competition. I mean, a lot of other companies would have just blown you out of the water and not thought twice about it. But, you know, I like Sonichu, or I used to like it, back when you actually updated it, and I know that it does have some fans still and I wanted to see it continue. Because I don't want to just take over everything. I don't want to be the only artist out there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That's not fun. You kind of want to be the only artist in existence, I don't know why you want that. Why do you want that, anyway? Why do you not want other artists to exist?

'''Chris:''' Um, I never said, I never said that I did not want other artists to...

'''Alec:''' Well, you said it with your actions, if not with words directly.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, maybe...

'''Alec:''' I think we talked about that one time. Actions are louder than words, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, perhaps my actions were misunderstood in this case...

'''Alec:''' Ooh, not misunderstood in the least! Oh, no, your actions are very clear. You slandered and smeared me as much as you possibly could. You put all of your effort into trashing me rather than building up your own comic. There's... If you can convince me there's some way to misunderstand that, then you know, by all means try, but as far as I could see that was a pretty clear message. It's hard to misunderstand that, it's hard to misunderstand, you know, you repeatedly hanging up on me.

'''Barbara:''' [''Distant background''] Who are you on the phone with? [''She continues to occasionally make background noise'']

'''Chris:''' I know, I...

'''Alec:''' You've been out of commission for like three weeks, you haven't done shit for your fans. When are you going to come back with your comic?

'''Chris:''' I, I am, I, I still, I am, I have been working on my comic, for your information. I am up to pages in book number 11 where I have drawn that far, and I'm about halfway colored through all those pages which I drew up.

'''Alec:''' How many pages is that?

'''Chris:''' That's over 30 now.

'''Alec:''' Over 30. Really. How many days since you started that particular 30 pages.

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|-ev6J9eodMU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:'''Has it been, like, what, two weeks? 15 days, around there?

'''Chris:''' Around there.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uh... I'm not really sure if asking this is going to be useful, but why would you partially complete 30 pages instead of, say, completing and uploading 20 pages? Or 25?

'''Chris:''' That would hap-, that would happen to make up for lost time on on my birthday, which is this coming, which is the next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what about your birthday? What are you going to do with it?

'''Chris:''' I'm going to upload all those, all those, all those pages, all the main pages in a bundle, in a bunch, on my birthday, which is next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, until then I think I'll just keep uploading Sonichu Revolution, because I want to please your fans, even if you don't. Chris, why, why would you...

'''Chris:''' I gave my new, I put up a new page yesterday as well. The last page I had...

'''Alec:''' So that... That, yep, I saw that, actually, that one page, plus I think you had two pages where you killed Simonla, so that's three pages total in like three weeks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, anyways...

'''Alec:''' I do two pages a day. That means I've uploaded, in the past 15 days I've uploaded 30 pages of my own. And it's... When's your birthday, like eight days from now? So I'll have another 16 pages up, so that's 46 pages...

'''Chris:''' Well, you are, you are mistaken, we're not talking about, we're not talking about eight days, my birthday is on the 24th. Of February.

'''Alec:''' Oh. My mistake. So six days. Well, I'll have 12 new pages by then. In addition to the 30 I've already uploaded.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, I didn't know when your birthday was.

'''Chris:''' Well, it's specifically stated on the, on my bio page on the CWCipedia, and in a couple other places. The 24th of February. 1982.

'''Alec:''' Hey, Chris. Chris. When is my birthday?

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I do not study your bio, I did not study your bio page...

'''Alec:''' Well, Chris, Chris, it's on my bio page on the Asperpedia. Why wouldn't you know it?

'''Chris:''' Well, I did not make an effort to study you, because...

'''Alec:''' I mean, if I'm supposed to know your page, don't you know mine? Chris, I'm kinda hurt.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I apologize for that, and after we're done here I'll go to your bio page and learn, and learn with my mind when your birthday is.

'''Alec:''' Nah, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. I'd rather you work on pages than go look up info about me. Because, you know, I actually don't know your birthday because I've been working on my pages rather than, you know, looking up your bio. Um, yeah, so, I do really have to recommend that you, um, begin uploading those 30 pages immediately. Like as soon as we're done with the call or whatever. It, just, get to work on it. Stay up all night if you have to. Get those pages up. Because, here's the thing about the way fans work. If you leave your fans in the dark for a week or two weeks or a month or however long, it really doesn't matter if you're partially completing something. Because if you don't put out any product, then your fans have nothing to work with. Have you ever heard of the game [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, you said Duke Nukem Forever?

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Well, you know the Duke Nukem video games? You ever played any of those?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I have seen, I have seen samples of that game.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Well, the company that made those, they were working on a game called Duke Nukem Forever. That was going to be their next great title. And they were working on that for actually about 15 years. And they kept promising, "Oh, you know, we've got the engine built, we've got the characters designed, we've got all this built, all that's left is for us to release it." And they never released it because they kept retooling and tinkering with it. And finally the company actually went out of business. So now there won't ever be any other Duke Nukems. And if you keep doing the same thing, Sonichu is going to go out of business. Well, not permanently, because I have Sonichu Revolution, so it'll live on in some form.

'''Chris:''' Well, yes, well, your, yes, well, still, your Rev-, your Revolutions are not the original, are not the original Sonichu pages, of which only I can draw up and tell.

'''Alec:''' But what they are is existent. And the fans appreciate that. Your pages are nonexistent.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And if you stop Sonichu, then, you know, the fans are going to want something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I get, well, don't worry, you will see, you will see, all those pages, and the completion of the 10th book.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, does this mean...

'''Chris:''' In fact, it's a...

'''Alec:''' I'm a little, I'm a little confused, how, what, do you remember when I told you... Well, of course you remember, I brought it up plenty of times, about how you really need to either do some sort of major reboot of Sonichu, or else just come up with a completely different comic? Because of all of the elements that you stole from other franchises? Are you still thinking about that? Because if you're going to finish book 10, then...

'''Chris:''' I have been thinking about that, actually.

'''Alec:''' What do you think about it?

'''Chris:''' Some of those, some of those changes will be talked about in the clip show that's gonna be in book 11.

'''Alec:''' Um... So, is book 11 gonna be like a transition from the current Sonichu to another one?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, yes, a transitions.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Oo-kay. Um, well, that's not really what a reboot is about. See, what you're doing, like a transition, suggests that the Sonichu that exists now is going to be, like, part of the same universe or world as whatever new Sonichu. What a reboot is, is a hard stop. You reset completely. You start over from scratch. Everything that came before is just, means nothing, it's null and void. Like, for example, the Spider-Man movies, they aren't in the same world as the comic, they were sort of a reboot. Because they told everything over from the beginning.

'''Chris:''' Hm. I see.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I mean, I know it's... I can sympathize with you on this. I mean, you've been working on Sonichu for 10 years now, and the thought that you have to abandon it completely and start over with something new, I understand that that's kind of a scary thought. But it is true.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Have you, have you, uh... What do you think of Sonichu Revolution, by the way? Have you been reading it? I'm only like seven pages in right now, so...

'''Chris:''' I have taken a look at it, and I did not like the way you were killing characters left and right! That's no good, it's just terrible! Don't go killing, don't go killing, don't go killing characters, that just does not, that just, that just does not, that just does not work. It's like...

'''Alec:''' Chris...

'''Chris:''' It's like doing Zombie X-Men, [[Wikipedia:Marvel Zombies|Marvel Zombies]].

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I remember that. That was actually a pretty popular comic, wasn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's actually on the [[PlayStation Network]] digital comic download, only on the [[PSP]] right now.

'''Alec:''' Well, I've seen it in stores, though. Well, it was pretty popular, was my point.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, that's, anyway, that's the point. That's still, like, you know, killing, you're just like killing everybody left and right. It's not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, how many, how many comic books and TV shows and movies and, you know, whatever other media have you seen where characters die? Do you think they're all bad?

'''Chris:''' Yes, well, well, yeah, they are bad, because that's just totally fake. And plus, to do it in such a gory way is just terrifying. It's like any, it's like any of the [[Saw]] movies. It's especially like, especially like the first trap in Saw VI.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies?

'''Chris:''' That was horrifying.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies, Chris? The Saw movies?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I liked them, I mean I enjoyed the falling, the telling...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] You liked them? But there's death in it! How could you like a movie that has death in it, Chris?! Death is bad. You said death is bad.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm not talking about...

'''Alec:''' Death is bad.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm not talking about the death part, I did not say I liked the death parts, I liked the building of the character of John Kramer. In the movies.

'''Alec:''' But the point is, you still liked the movies overall, right? I mean, you went to see them, you'd probably see them again?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, they were hor-, yeah, I mean, I will admit they are horrifying, and they do frighten me, but think about, but think about, think about...

'''Alec:''' Hence the genre, horror, if it's horrifying it's doing its job, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, but I mean, still, that's Hollywood magic, you know, that's, you know, the people, the actors in those movies are still, are still alive and well, they just...

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, right, I forgot, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|because comic characters are real people]] and apparently I'm guilty of, of multiple homicide now? Chris, you, remember when you killed [[Simonla]] because we strong-armed you into it, because you refused to do it willingly? Are you guilty of homicide now? Because you killed Simonla?

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|x9jVhBBZRVk}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' No, actually, that would, actually, you could blame the Voltorb that was placed by the toilet, placed by the toilet that exploded. Because the Voltorb exploded, it blew up the...

'''Alec:''' Chris, you drew the Voltorb. You drew the Voltorb! Chris, you knew Simonla was going to die! You knew there was going to be a Voltorb there and you did nothing to stop it! You are an accessory to murder! Who cares if someone else placed it? You knew, of course you knew she was going to die because I've been telling you for weeks to kill her.

'''Chris:''' You're, you're, well, read, yeah, well, read the pages after I put 'em, after I put 'em all up and you will see that there is, that there was, that it wasn't preventable. That there was a way that, it could not have been prevented. You will find out.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um... Did you see my page where [[Son-Chu]] killed himself? Did you see how depressed he was? I couldn't have prevented that. Sometimes people are so depressed that you just can't reach them. And it's tragic but, you know, sometimes people commit suicide because they believe there's just no way out for them.

'''Chris:''' I have a question for you.

'''Alec:''' Oh?

'''Chris:''' You said you like Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Why did you make him, why did you draw him killing himself?

'''Alec:''' Soni-

'''Chris:''' If you liked him you would not have done that!

'''Alec:''' I didn't draw Sonichu killing himself. I said Son-Chu, your car, your... I don't want to say "Autobot" 'cause that's trademarked, but...

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, excuse me, well, I misunderstood. Well, yeah, that was, that was wrong. I mean, that was like you're killing my vehicle, it's like you're making me have to pay, like...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting off Chris''] No, Chris, I didn't kill your, I didn't kill him. He committed suicide. He was depressed because he had a name that he hated, and all the other Autobots made fun of him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the Autobot, the Autobots do not make fun of each other for their names.

'''Alec:''' No, they make fun of Son-Chu. Chris! Look at what he says in that page! He says that he hates his name because it's not a strong, manly Autobot name. Why would he lie?

'''Chris:''' Well, it's only because you're, you're putting...

'''Alec:''' He had nothing to lie about, he had nothing to lose. He was gonna kill himself.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I did not, I'm not the one that drew, that drew my car, my Autobot, to say that. I did not. You did that, pretending to be me, in a sense.

'''Alec:''' I wasn't pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' You were pretending to be...

'''Alec:''' Chris, look up at the page. Do you see on the comic page where it says "Copyright 2010 Alec Benson Leary"? I'm pretty sure that shows that I was not pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, you have no right, you have no right in killing a character that was originally mine, and that I have never said, have never said personally, had died. When a character dies, I will let every, I will let everybody know myself. Anybody else who, who makes up, who says outside of my jurisdiction, it's just a whole bunch of bogus baloney.

'''Alec:''' Well, maybe I can say it's a parody, and that'll make it okay, right? If Sonichu Revolution is a parody? Would that be okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It would?

'''Chris:''' I would accept that, yeah. And plus, don't make them so big. Maybe like three quarters of the current size, three quarters.

'''Alec:''' No. Nah. Then no one can read the text. I'm not gonna make it smaller, it's kinda hard to read the text already.

'''Chris:''' You should have those pages on your Asperpedia! People could just go over there and read them for themselves.

'''Alec:''' Um, but the whole point of Sonichu Revolution is to make up for your lack of updates. Why would I put it on my Asperpedia? That defeats the purpose. I, I'm...

'''Chris:''' But, but you're just...

'''Alec:''' I'm keeping the fans there for you, Chris!

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing...

'''Alec:''' You could thank me once.

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing those pages, not me.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, that's right, I'm drawing the pages. You're not drawing anything. Or you say you are, but we have no proof.

'''Chris:''' I am, I, you're wrong, I have been drawing the pages, and I have been coloring them.

'''Alec:''' But you're not uploading them.

'''Chris:''' Because I have, because I'm too busy working on the, working on coloring after I have drawn them all up! And plus, I have real life things, like I have to go hang, like I have to hang out with my family. I have errands to run...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting him off''] Chris! Take a guess, right, I want you to guess...

'''Chris:''' And plus...

'''Alec:''' Between, Chris, no, Chris! I want you to guess, between one and 10, how many hours did I spend in school yesterday? Take a guess, right now.

'''Chris:''' How many hours you spent in school yesterday...

'''Alec:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' The average of 10.

'''Alec:''' That's right. I spent 10 hours in school yesterday. I also uploaded a page of Sonichu Revolution yesterday.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, what about your job? You have your job as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. What about my job? I upload pages while I have a job and school. So what about my job?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you got all your, you're spending your time there as well.

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, well, I admit, I'm not sure really what the point I was trying to make there, I lost my train of thought.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, yeah. It's true that, yes, I spend a lot of time in school, and a lot of time at my job. And I, you know, and I have errands too. Not really for my family, I don't live with my family, but I do errands on my own.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright. Well, okay, well...

'''Alec:''' How much time... You've mentioned that several times, that you have to run errands for your family. Like, what do you have to do for them? What did you do yesterday? What... How... Like, are they having you break rocks with sledgehammers or something all day? Because you say it's like some huge, serious thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, they're old. I have to do chores for them. I have to do chores for them around the house. Like I had to even, I even shoveled snow to get the, to get the, to make a path for them and get the cars out. And my, and my car, it was stuck in, two front tires were stuck in their own dug grooves, and we finally, and finally got the car out of those two grooves today.

'''Alec:''' So you've been working on that solid, non-stop, just digging your car out? I mean... I live in Minnesota, you know, we get some bad snowstorms sometimes, and my car will just get completely buried in snow. And it might take me, like, in the worst-case scenario of storms, it might take me half an hour to dig enough snow out for my car to move. We usually don't get that much snow, though.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' You said some chores around your house, too, like besides shoveling. What else do you have to do?

'''Chris:''' I clean the kit-, I clean the kitchen, I do the, I vacuum, I move stuff around, I clean the bathroom as well, I do a lot of things around the house.

'''Alec:''' You kind of sound like you're talking to someone who has not seen that video [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of your house]] right now. And I want to let you know that I actually have seen it, so I'm pretty sure... [''Alec is interrupted by a rapid series of DTMF tones. Decoded so far: 3125632589632145896321258624231561523635832147413663574147236464''] Chris, can you hear me? Hello? Chris, are you pressing buttons? [''tones end'']

[''Note: Even though these calls are in one file, according to [[Clyde Cash]], Chris actually hung up on Alec at the end of the dial tones. Alec promptly called him back.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, Alec?

'''Alec:''' Hey, hey Chris, did we get disconnected there?

'''Chris:''' [[Lies|Yeah, 'fraid we did.]] It happens to me, between me and my, uh, gal-pal as well, in our conversations sometimes. Reception goes bad during this time of night.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Well, uh, glad I got you back. Okay, well, we were talking about, uh, the chores you need to do, I think, in your house. So you're saying you clean your house up?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Uh, okay, um... Have you cleaned your, cleaned your room at all?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do clean my room.

'''Alec:''' Mmm, how much do you clean it?

'''Chris:''' I clean my room like once a week.

'''Alec:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' O-kay. So, how long does it take when you do that? Because if you do that once a week, that's just, like, maintenance, shouldn't take too long.

'''Chris:''' It takes like two hours.

'''Alec:''' Two hours. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Alec:''' Um... How long does it take you to clean the rest of the house?

'''Chris:''' It takes me, it pretty much takes me one to two hours per room.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Okay. Like, what do you do when you clean? What specific stuff do you do?

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|jkjhKhoVEuU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' I move this, I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I take, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work, back-breaking!

'''Alec:''' Back-breaking.

'''Chris:''' Yes. My back hurts.

'''Alec:''' I hope you don't mean... Your back hurts from cleaning?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, after extensive long time, I mean, sure.

'''Alec:''' I thought you, I thought you were strong, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[I AM STRONG|I am strong]].

'''Alec:''' Why would your back just... How strong are you? Like... Because it seems the videos...

'''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm very strong. Believe me, I'm very strong.

'''Alec:''' Really. Like... Uh...

'''Chris:''' Anybody, anybody, anybody will tell you that, like, yeah, they, they just feel like they break their backbones after, after a very extensive time scrubbing the floors, getting up and down, as well.

'''Alec:''' You should get a Swiffer. Swiffer Wet-Jet, because then you can stand while you're scrubbing the floor. I use it, it's really useful.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' It's quick, too.

'''Chris:''' Well, we don't have it, we don't have that here.

'''Alec:''' Huh. Maybe you could sell some of those video games like I was talking about. Then you could afford one. Have you thought at all about selling any more of your, your games, Chris? Because...

'''Chris:''' No, I have no plans, I have no plans of that at the moment.

'''Alec:''' Why would you want to hold on to video games that you don't play anymore?

'''Chris:''' I do play them, when I feel nostalgic...

'''Alec:''' ALL of them? Chris, you've got... How many [[List of Chris's games|hundreds of games]] do you have? And you play all of them regularly? Is that what you're telling me?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Regularly, like... Yeah. Every, like, uh, I'd say, yeah, on a regular basis I do.

'''Alec:''' Every single one.

'''Chris:''' Yeah!

'''Alec:''' That must take, that must take a lot of time.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Is video-game-playing back-breaking too? Just out of curiosity? I wouldn't think it would be.

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, but it's one way for me to relax after I, after I have done the work of cleaning the room. Or shoveling the snow in the yard.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but you only clean once a week, and shoveling, that doesn't happen all the time. I know Virginia got a snowstorm recently, right, but that was kinda like a one-time thing.

'''Chris:''' That's, well, okay, well, just to correct you, I was not talking about cleaning period once a week, we're talking about cleaning my room once a week. And, and then, we have other, then, it's like, on another day I'll clean up the kitchen, and on another day I'll clean up the living room, on another day I'll clean up the, I'll clean up my parents' bedroom...

'''Alec:''' Chris, I've seen the video tour of your house.

'''Chris:''' That's like, that was, that was like, that was like over, that was like over a year ago.

'''Alec:''' Over a year ago. You really... You should film a new tour, then, actually, because people still think that your house is, you know, a mess like that.

'''Chris:''' I'll think, well, I'll consider that.

'''Alec:''' You really should, you know. It would be a good idea. Chris, here's, okay, here's what I don't get about you. There are so many things, like, you know, if your house is clean, you could just make a video and show people that. And if you've really been working on the pages, you could just upload them. And if, you know, if you wanted to prove to people that you have [[Nintendo]]'s permission to use [[Pikachu]], shit like that, you could just show them the letter that Nintendo sent you, that gives you permission. Why do you, why do you take the hard way through everything? Why do you want to keep receiving, you know, demands and questions about this and that subject when one little action on your part could just stop all of it?

'''Chris:''' Because for me it's not all that easy.

'''Alec:''' What's not easy about it? Like, okay, the Nintendo...

'''Chris:''' Because, I'll, I'll just, also [[Bob|my father]]'s [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|still very angry at me]] for doing the video touring the house over a year ago. And he's making me all mad, he's very angry...

'''Alec:''' Why, why, why was he angry about it? Just refresh my memory.

'''Chris:''' It's like an invasion of privacy?

'''Alec:''' How is it an invasion? You live there, I mean, it's your house, if you choose to upload a video, that's not an invasion of privacy. If you [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|try to videotape people without their consent]], that would be an invasion of privacy. But I don't think your parents were in that video.

'''Chris:''' You don't, you don't, you don't understand, I, and I forget all of the details my father said, but he's still very angry at me for doing, for having done that.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, I guess if you say he's angry then okay, that's that, but... Um, what about, um... Well, like the Nintendo thing. Couldn't you... Did Nintendo, like, write you a letter saying, you know, yes, go ahead and use Pikachu? Couldn't you just scan that and show that to people? 'Cause everybody...

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter.

'''Alec:''' You mis-, you misplaced it?

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That seems like a really important thing, how could you misplace that? And if you clean your house so regularly, I mean, it seems like you would find things that you had lost regularly.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It takes, yeah, moving, moving stuff, if I had, I had, I regularly look at stuff, and that, and it got misplaced that way.

'''Alec:''' I'm sure you could just actually call up Nintendo, because... I mean, that would be... You know, the legal department of a company keeps records of everything they do. They would be happy to just fax you or send you another copy of the letter.

'''Chris:''' I'll keep that in mind.

'''Alec:''' Businesses lose papers sometimes, and you know, that's why there's redundancy, that's why. And not only your fans, you know, but if you showed that letter publicly, then I couldn't demand that you admit Sonichu's a doomed franchise, now, could I? You wouldn't, you wouldn't even have to do the reboot? I mean, think about it. If either you, you know, reboot your entire comic that you've been working on for 10 years, that's one choice, or your other choice is, you just call up Nintendo and ask them to send another letter, and show it to everyone.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Destroy 10 years of personal hard labor, or show a letter.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well, I will think, I will, I will look, I will look into that later.

'''Alec:''' Um, okay. Um, this is reminding me of... In your recent, where you started updating the Mailbags again, um... Let me take a look at a Mailbag, because I don't remember the exact phrase, but... You responded with kind of a stock phrase to a lot of letters. Let's see here. Um, where is it. Ah! "Your letter has been read fully and your thoughts have been in-pyoo-ted..." I guess inputted. "And accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts." Chris, you spend even less time responding to these e-mails than you do normally. What's up with that?

'''Chris:''' Okay, for your information I actually read, I actually read and re-read each letter before I make a final response.

'''Alec:''' But your final response is, is not thought out at all. See, this is kind of an interesting parallel to your comic work, because you say, you say that you...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, well, there are points where, there are points, there are points where I don't...

'''Alec:''' [''trying to interrupt''] Chris, Chris, Chris. CHRIS. CHRIS! Let me talk, and don't interrupt, alright? I will let you speak after I finish this sentence. This is how it goes. One person speaks, the other person responds, the first person is... Okay. Um, you say that you spend a lot of time "reading and re-reading" and really considering the letters, but when it comes time for the final step, which is, you know, the response, you don't really put any effort into that. And that's an interesting parallel to your comics, because you say you spend a lot of time drawing and coloring and, you know, preparing your pages, but that final step, uploading them, you don't put any effort into that. So it seems... It kind of sounds like you go 90 percent of the way, but you don't actually finish that crucial last 10 percent. And just to let you know, people are mad about this stock response that you made.

'''Chris:''' Well, when it comes to the Mailbag, it's just that, you know, even after re-reading it, I still cannot, I still could not come up with an appropriate response. So I had to go with a neutral response.

'''Alec:''' Why... What do you mean, you can't come up with a... There's a lot of different subjects to these letters, and you give the same neutral response to every one. Are you telling me that all of these subjects, you really can think of absolutely nothing?

'''Chris:''' There are a few subjects on which I come up blank! Yes. I'll admit that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um... Like... Um, someone wrote you a letter about your comments about homosexuals being bigoted and offensive, and you gave the stock response to that. Um, that seems like a huge Achilles' heel with you, is if people mention the word "homosexual." Your mind goes blank.

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, of course, I could not think of an appropriate response to that letter.

'''Alec:''' "Your comments..." I'm reading the letter right now. "Your comments on homosexuals are bigoted and offensive. You want them to die in explosions. You want a vaccine for them, just because they tick you off..." Um, the last two parts, those are actually very clear questions, as far as I can see. Like, if someone asked me those questions... If someone asked me, "Do you want homosexuals to die in explosions?" I would tell them, "No." If someone asked me, "Do you want a vaccine for them just because they tick you off?" I would explain, "No, homosexuals don't actually tick me off, and I would never want to vaccinate them." I just came up with that right now. That would be my response if such a question was asked of me. And that's not even that long of a response. You don't need a page worth of response.

==Part 5==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Mtn9-Be1p8c}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
| next = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus, plus I perceived that, because I perceived those statements as insults, and...

'''Alec:''' Oh, so we're back to everything is an attack on you, this... Remember when you thought that my ads were an attack on you? So now someone... So, so you thought my ads were an attack on you, now this homosexual thing, um, you've made plenty of offensive comments about homosexuals, which they could, and plenty have interpreted as attacks by you. And so when someone asks you about them, how is that an attack on you?

'''Chris:''' They said when I, it was an e-mail, and that's in that where you just read about it, they called me bigoted.

'''Alec:''' That's because you are bigoted. You want...

'''Chris:''' I am not bigoted.

'''Alec:''' You hate homosexuals. How many, how many times...

'''Chris:''' I actually said that, actually I have, actually, thanks to [[Jack Thaddeus]] I recently, I have, I actually see them in a more positive light! It was, I think it was...

'''Alec:''' Is that the same Jack Thaddeus that is an evil villain, that does underhanded deals for ad space?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Well, you kinda flip-flop a lot. No, forget what I said. Um...

'''Chris:''' Uh, well, well, for your information, though, specifically, Jack Thaddeus has told me about, uh, homosetts-, about homosexuals from his point of view and how that they would never, they would never make any actions towards me because I'm not even try-, I'm not even that attractive to him.

'''Alec:''' You know, Chris...

'''Chris:''' Attract him. 'Cause he's a homosettsual.

'''Alec:''' Uhh-huh. You know, um, I've actually been hit on, I've been hit on by homosexuals, once in a while. It happens to me in my life.

'''Chris:''' Oo-kay.

'''Alec:''' It's, I never got ticked off by it, I never saw it as offensive. I mean, I'm, I'm not gay, so I wouldn't really be interested, but if, if someone, man or woman, thinks I'm attractive, then, you know, well, it's flattering. Even if I'm not interested. Why would you think it's an attack if a gay person finds you attractive? I take it as a compliment that people think I'm attractive.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, it's, yeah, well, still, I mean, if I was, well, okay, well, if a homosexual came up to me and flirted with me like that, I wouldn't, uh, no, no, I would let them know that, no...

'''Alec:''' That you're not interested?

'''Chris:''' And, yeah, I cannot accept your, I cannot accept that because I'm not interested, I am straight, nnn...

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, that's...

'''Chris:''' And then leave it at that.

'''Alec:''' That sounds, yeah, that sounds like a good...

'''Chris:''' And then, then, if the, and then if the guy continued to, continue on like that after the warning, then I would get really mad.

'''Alec:''' Well, that's understandable. And you know what? That happens, not just with gay people. I mean, straight people, plenty of straight people have trouble getting a hint. I mean, you know, guys, all the time, there are guys who, you know, hit on a girl, and she says, "No, thank you, I'm not interested", and they just keep pressing the point. [[Megan|Overstepping their boundaries]]. [[Kacey|Trying to hold their hands, things like that]]. That is... You know, in a situation like that, it's perfectly acceptable to get offended if they don't respect, er, if they don't respect your, um, your decline. Your negative response. You see? Um, but I... When, when did you talk to Jack about this, this homosexual thing? When did you have that conversation?

'''Chris:''' It was about, it was like over a, it was like over a week ago.

'''Alec:''' When did you answer Mailbag 52? Pretty sure it was less than a week ago, wasn't it? Because if your issues with homosexuals are resolved now, then why couldn't you offer a simple response to that? Okay, here's what you could have said. Um... Well, just to be clear, do you still want a vaccine for homosexuals?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Uh, I'm sorry, I did not understand, I do not understand that. Could you repeat that please?

'''Alec:''' [''slowly this time''] Do you want to create a vaccine to eliminate homosexuality?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hmm...

'''Alec:''' Do you understand that?

'''Chris:''' Honestly... Yeah, okay, yeah, I understood that. So yeah, you're asking me that right now. Or are you, or are you just, I mean, uh, okay.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I am asking you right now.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''pause''] In an attempt to make a better world, a better world, I would support it. I would support that.

'''Alec:''' Oooo-kay, so, when you said that you don't have problems with gays anymore, that wasn't actually true. Chris, well, like I said, I'm not gay, but I have a number of gay friends, um, a few family members that are gay, and it's part of who they are. That's part of their identity. Why would you want to take that away from them? What, what about removing homosexuality would make the world a better place? [''exasperated sigh''] It shouldn't be that hard, Chris, because you already, um, established a predicate that "no gays equals the world is a better place." So, having said that, that must mean that you do have an idea of how the two things are connected.

'''Chris:''' Uh... Well, what two things?

'''Alec:''' Chris, do you... Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Chris, you said, you said "no gays equals the world is a better place." That, "no gays" is point one. That connects to "world is better," point two. How do those connect? What is... Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, well, yeah, okay, now I get it, I mean, it's just that, you know, uh, [[Lies|I'm getting an incoming call right now]], and, uh, taking it will interrupt this conversation...

'''Alec:''' Well, you should probably ignore it. Yeah. Um, so please...

'''Chris:''' It's like, hard to, though, it cancels, it cancels your, it cancels your vocal input out at that point when the...

'''Alec:''' Well, did you... Yeah. Did you hear my point, though? Please explain how no gays equals world's better.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] You know, okay, well, I'm not necessarily saying... I'm not saying that as in reference to them as people. I'm saying that in reference, and like...

'''Alec:''' Well, removing, removing homosexuality equals a world better. Explain that.

'''Chris:''' Because there will be less risk of those people going to hell.

'''Alec:''' Hell?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. When they die.

'''Alec:''' What do you... Oh, you mean instead of heaven?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you're saying gay people go to hell? Um, so are you, you're a Christian, then? If you believe that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' What, um, like... You know, it's been a while since I've read a Bible, where in the Bible is that whole gays-go-to-hell thing?

'''Chris:''' It's implied within parts of the Bible.

'''Alec:''' Well, it's, understandably it's implied in parts of the Bible, I'm asking where. I'm not a Christian, so I don't have to read the Bible, but you're a Christian, when's the last time you read the Bible?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I have read the Bible, but...

'''Alec:''' You're sitting here judging people based off their sexuality without even knowing, like, you know, what parts of the Bible... Hey, hey, um, [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|you know what else the Bible condemns? Black magic]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] So?

'''Alec:''' How many times have you tried to curse people? Cursing is black magic. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I get it. It get, I get what you're saying right now.

'''Alec:''' So you're going to hell, right?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, I'm making, I'm making atones for that.

'''Alec:''' Uhhhh...are you? Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Well, you... I asked you to give Mao a Forgiveness Blessing, that was the most lackluster one I've ever seen you do. Do you believe that black magic, uh, works, Chris?

'''Chris:''' There's a po-, there's a chance that it can, but...

'''Alec:''' Um, not if you're Christian. Because the Christian God says that all magic and supernatural stuff that doesn't come from God is false.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I, I have no comment to that.

==Part 6==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|dR_lXG9HYOU}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 5|Part 5]]
| next = [[#Part 7|Part 7]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' Okay, well, um... Let's go back to the gay thing, because, you know, we've established that you don't really know a whole lot about the religion you claim to believe in.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So I would, I would, um, when you're in the absence of important information like that, I would think, just go with what you know. Go with what you see. And by that I mean, you know, you've never been attacked by a homosexual, they've never done anything evil to you.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Actually, yes, I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk.

'''Alec:''' What did he say to you?

'''Chris:''' I don't 'member, I don't remember what he said to me, but they were offensive.

'''Alec:''' Um, so... Okay, well, there are bad gay people, just like there are bad straight people. Um... So, one gay person did something bad to you that you don't really remember, therefore all gay people are going to hell? Is that the logic you're doing there?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, more or less.

'''Alec:''' How many... Okay, so, I should condemn all straight people because you've been horrible to me. You've said a lot of bad things to me, you've threatened me. Maybe, or, not just straight, maybe I should condemn autistic people, because you identify with autism a lot and you've been a very bad person in most of our dealings.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Are all autistic people, um, really selfish and demanding and...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Not all of them are.

'''Alec:''' But all homosexuals are bad? Because you had one bad experience? That's a double standard.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay, well, okay, well, they're all not. [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Well. You know, I'll wait to see if you really stick to that belief or not, I guess. I mean, I guess it's good that you're saying it now, but... Why do you sigh so much?

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm a little tired right now. I had to, I actually cleaned more, I cleaned the kitchen again today.

'''Alec:''' [[Biological clock|Don't you usually stay up to like 4:00 A.M. or something]], you said? This is kinda like the middle of the day for you, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' No, this is not the middle of the day for me, this is the middle of the night for me.

'''Alec:''' But... Okay, you said you sleep until like noon, right? And then you stay up 'til like three or four at night. That's kind of a, that's a really weird schedule, by the way.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, late-, actually I am, I'm mostly going to bed before midnight and I get up at like 9:00 A.M.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Well. I actually go to bed, like, around 11, so I'm closer to my bedtime than you are to yours, but I feel fine. We all get tired, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Anyway...

'''Alec:''' Um, what do you think of... Let's see here...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' [''long pause''] Um, oh, here's another good question. When someone asked you about the Mailbag that you fabricated, and you gave them that stock response again. I just, I really want to see you actually... My, my main goal right now is I want to see you put real effort into your Mailbags.

'''Chris:''' I will... I put as much effort as I could, but it's, you know, sometimes I do come up blank, and that cannot be helped.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you're... I know you've said plenty of times, you're a pretty smart guy, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but sometimes I'm quick, sometimes I'm [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow]].

'''Alec:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' It just happens! I don't know why. It's my head. I'm not a psychiatrist. A psychologist.

'''Alec:''' You don't have to be a... You... You remember that [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|Mike Jackson memorial e-mail]] you got here? You used the copy-and-paste response on that too.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Yeah, well, I didn't know who that was, I didn't realize that that was the, uh, that was a guy that, that went out, and that moved out when their, the prostitute did. Lose him. And I apologize...

'''Alec:''' I thought that you, I thought that you said that you spent a lot of time reading and carefully re-reading these e-mails. How do you not know the basics of what it's about?

'''Chris:''' Well, I miss a detail or two sometimes, it happens to a lot!

'''Alec:''' You missed all the detail, Chris! You missed all the detail.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I thought they were talking about Michael Jackson, the pop star.

'''Alec:''' Maybe if you'd read the e-mail you would've, you know, seen that that wasn't the case? Did you even look at that memorial? Chris, do you...

'''Chris:''' I can say I have not looked... I did not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, why do you not put effort into anything?

'''Chris:''' [''sudden anger''] I do put effort in every-, in everything!

'''Alec:''' Everything?! No! I told you that your website was going to get taken down because of a lawsuit over a stolen character, and you did nothing. I tell you you gotta upload pages and you do nothing. I tell you you gotta respond...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am working on the pages...

'''Alec:''' But you don't upload them!

'''Chris:''' Yes I will, yes I do, and I will!

'''Alec:''' No, "will" is different from "do." "Will" is the future tense, and it hasn't happened yet.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] I'm getting tired, I'm getting tired of this. You're raising your voice at me, I'm not, and I'm not, I don't appreciate it.

'''Alec:''' Well, I... I think I kind of, I'm just trying to enunciate a point, I'm trying to get you to respond.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... A person raising their voice, that really is enough to just, you know, completely discombobulate you? Besides, you yelled at me first.

'''Chris:''' No, you raised your voice at me first.

'''Alec:''' No. No. I asked you, "Chris, why do you not care about anything? And you screamed, "I DO CARE!"

'''Chris:''' You're being, you're being, you're being ridiculing to me.

'''Alec:''' Uh, is that the pot calling the kettle black? Chris, I want to, I want to understand why it is okay for you to do so many things to other people that make you mad when they do them back to you. Please, I'm asking you a simple question. Please explain this to me. Why is it that any level, any tiny level of stress or inconvenience, and you immediately will fall back on, you know, you're being attacked, or you're being, you know, your world is...

'''Chris:''' It just happens, espec-, it just happens, especially when I'm tired.

'''Alec:''' No. That's not an excuse. That is not an excuse. That's an excuse that a child uses. Children complain that they have to do a little bit of hard, you know, work, or deal with unpleasant situations. Honestly? I have been very polite with you, Chris. I don't swear at you, except, you know, on a few occasions where you really piss me off, but for the most part I don't. I don't yell at you, I raise my voice in response to you raising your voice. I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm just tired right now.

'''Alec:''' [''snorts'']

'''Chris:''' And you know, considering your bed at 11:00, uh, you probably want to finish this up, want to wrap this up as well. So I...

'''Alec:''' No, I'm doing good.

'''Chris:''' Let's just that, let's just agree that, uh, I will be uploading the pages, and uh, what you got, perhaps, perhaps after book 10 is completed, uh, we could, uh, actually, you know what...

'''Alec:''' Well, you know what? If you want to...

'''Chris:''' Don't worry about the ads, don't worry about that, uh, ad space at this point. I'll just agree to that, but, uh, but, yeah, but you know...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Please, Stop, Running, Away from me, Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

'''Alec:''' [''snort''] I know you're not literally running away, but you're trying to end the conversation because I'm making you feel bad.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And it's not even because I'm attacking or insulting you, I'm just presenting, you know, a few things that are very minorly unpleasant.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Okay, well, with that, uh, sometimes, there are things that, yeah, we don't, we generally, we would not prefer, we would prefer the opposite of unpleasant.

'''Alec:''' You seem to prefer the opposite of unpleasant literally all the time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Any little bit of stress and you run for the hills. You avoid anything unpleasant, even, even in cases where dealing with a small problem now will avert a very big problem later. You always choose the hard way.

==Part 7==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|BgDOe0U4F9w}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 6|Part 6]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Alec:''' You choose to deal with the big problem that you could have avoided. Bad news is gonna happen, Chris, life is not all fun and games.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure, well, I'm sure that that's happened to you and you actually had to do that as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but then I turned 10 and I started learning to get over it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Man the fuck up, Chris. Pardon my language, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get, I get, and I said that.

'''Alec:''' You're gonna have to show that with your actions, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And I will.

'''Alec:''' Do you believe that we, um, could ever be friends, Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Maybe.

'''Alec:''' Maybe?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, you gotta start listening to people that are trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' I am open to, I am open to opinions and thoughts when they are presented in a non-condescending, uh, appro-, acceptable tone, or, or whatever.

'''Alec:''' That's what you always say, but you never act on them. I'm showing you things you haven't done, and you still don't do them. Because I've done this with you several times.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah. I will, listen, I gotta go, I'm really, seriously, I'm feeling really sleepy right now.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, have a good night. Maybe I'll talk to you later.

'''Chris:''' Alright. Take care. Bye-bye.

[''Call ends'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBY2M3SW5ybWg0Q2s The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxfkNdoV3fM Youtube version: part 1]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9

2015-08-25T16:08:31Z

Meester Siemen: Updated with "Articles with dead external links" categorization due to current missing link.

{{DeadLinks}}

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9''' is the ninth [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|call between Alec and Chris]], which took place 25 [[February 2010]].

==Summary==
The call begins with [[Alec]] asking [[Chris]] how his birthday was and then asking about his reasoning behind the recent disturbing developments in [[Sonichu 10]]. Alec points out some notable [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in regards to Chris's use of [[Chris and anger|violence]] in [[Issue 10]], given that Chris has criticized the [[Asperchu]] and [[Sonichu Revolution]] comics for using a lot of violence. Alec goes on to call out Chris for trying to weasel out of the conditions he had agreed to in earlier phone calls and telling him off for not listening to him...again.

Chris defends his actions with the always amazing excuse that "he was still filled with anger," which, you know, totally makes everything fine. Alec also points out that "apologizing" is not quite equal to "violently murdering the people you wronged in your comic." The two argue about the issue of [[Simonla]], and the fact that Chris didn't exactly kill her in the manner promised AND introduced the character "[[Sandy]]", Simonla's daughter, defeating the entire purpose of eliminating Simonla. They discuss [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] and Chris's misunderstanding of the concept, in addition to Chris's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]].

[[Christian Love Day]] is also brought up. Chris denies [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] ''Independence Day'' and claims that trying to make his own birthday a national holiday isn't completely unreasonable in any way, shape, or form. Chris states that the Mexican Flag Day (which is coincidentally the same day as his birthday) "could be better," which implies that it "could be better" by celebrating his birthday on a national level AND saying that there should be a second day in addition to Valentine's Day to celebrate love and his birthday "just feels right". When Alec mentions that he's definitely creating a pathetic cover-up for wanting his own birthday to be a holiday, Chris dances around the question.

Chris also admits that he has no objections being kissed up to, which has been [[Ego|fairly obvious]] for quite a long time. He then goes on to prove he knows little to nothing of Christianity, his professed belief ([[Chris and religion|also obvious]]). Chris also admits to believing Simonla has always been his and tries to explain why it's not okay to [[parody]] a parody (it's as nonsensical as it sounds). In addition, Alec catches Chris in another [[List of Chris's lies|blatant lie]] about how many pages he had done. Chris blames the [[trolls]], for no reason whatsoever.

The call appears to end with Chris hanging up mid-sentence, much to the disappointment of Alec.

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|eqiJmuaZclQ}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Alec. I was not...

'''Alec:''' Hey, Happy birthday!

'''Chris:''' [''Annoyed''] I wasn't- okay, well I was not expecting you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, thank you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah, how was, how was your birthday today?

'''Chris:''' My birthday was yesterday, and it was, it was, it was good.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh, it was, it was yesterday?

'''Chris:''' I spent it with my family. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I saw the pages you got uploaded today. Um, yeah... Uh... What's up with that trial, Chris? That was kinda like, that was kind of, uh, out of left field. That was... I didn't expect that at all.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you drew, you drew, you, uh, drew me, you drew, you drew me in a set- in a setup of, uh, the, of uh, being beared false witness from uh, from your, from your parody of my Sonichu. In, uh, comparison of uh, that, of the [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]] being the real one and not me, which I was the real deal. And then you set me on fire. And then recently, you per-, you portrayed me getting my head getting chopped off with a sawblade! With gory detail!

'''Alec:''' Chris, you didn't read that, that last page. Did you read the, um, the page? 'Cause, what happened there was, um, that was a picture of the real you in the comic, and I said, you know, like your head got chopped off but then you came right back and said "No, it's okay, we're just faking". I didn't, your head didn't actually get chopped off.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Okay, it could maybe have more obvious.

'''Alec:''' Well, if you read the text it would have been obvious. You know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It, there was a lot, there was text there, I mean, I spelled it out. I specifically had you say "Don't worry, this is fake!", you know, "My head's not really chopped off. I'm fine." You know, um, you accuse me of using, er, well, not accused, of using violence, I do use violence, that's true. But I was just kind of, uh... It seems kind of weird that your comic has suddenly taken a ''very'' gory turn. I mean, like...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] It's just, it's just, it's just [[Sonichu Special 4|one time]].

'''Alec:'''But you said violence is wrong, though. One time's...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting again''] But I... Yeah, well, you, you, you did violence unto me, I was just returning the favor.

'''Alec:''' Oh, revenge is okay, though? Chris, you said violence is wrong. You didn't say it's okay in the case of revenge. [''long pause''] And, I'm kinda, I'm kinda curious, why is this trial taking place? Like, why are Alec and Mao and me, er, Alec and Mao and uh, Evan and Sean, uh, why are we on trial?

'''Chris:''' [''takes a smug tone''] Okay, let me see. The, uh, copy-, copycat, the whole bunch of copy-, copycat of practically everything from my, nearly everything from my books. Set me on fire, chopping my head off, false witness, and uh, oh yeah, how about wanting to kill Simonla Rosechu?

'''Alec:''' Um... Do you remember all the times we talked about Simonla? Where I explained to you that I wanted you to kill her because she's not your character, and Evan wanted her gone from your comic?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you told me, you swore up and down to me that, that you understood the point I was trying to get across to you and that you understood what I...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting yet again''] Yeah I did, yeah I did understand that. Yeah I-

'''Alec:''' [''Shutting Chris down''] Well, no! You're lying to me, Chris. You obviously didn't.

'''Chris:''' No, I did, I did...

'''Alec:''' [''Refusing to put up with Chris's bullshit excuses''] God Chris, I can't believe, I cannot believe you did this Chris. You, you know I thought that you were just, you know, kinda going "Yeah, uh-huh" just mouthing along and pretending to understand and saying what I wanted to hear to get me off the phone. And you know, I said that to you. I asked you, "Are you doing that?" And you said "No," you said no. You, you promised you understood, you would comply, you believed what I was saying. But then this trial comes along and what you're telling me right now is apparently my words went in one ear and out the other with you. And you think that, that me and Evan did something wrong to you. You think that you have done nothing wrong? Do you seriously believe that we are, you know, antagonists and that you are just a saint here?

'''Chris:''' Hmmm. Let me think about that a moment. To ask my question best.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, remember: Don't tell me the answer that you think I want to hear. Tell me what you really believe. That's the answer that I actually want to hear, is what you really believe.

[''Tense pause. Chris is watching South Park in the background.'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm looking at... Uh, the page here where you had like 10 people simultaneously electrocute me. Sonichu says [''wimpy voice''] "Oh I'm not gay!"

[''Chris attempts to respond, Alec drowns him out.'']

'''Alec:''' Chris, how many times, how many times did I tell... Okay, another thing, apparently, you didn't listen to. How many times did I tell you that I never portrayed Sonichu as gay? I explained clearly to you. Because you thought that he and Asperchu are gay, and I explained to you, "No, they're just, they were just hugging because they're friends, they're close friends." And I thought that you understood that, but... Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but like it'd be, but the portrayal could be misconstr-, construed, especially with the, uh, all the pink, all the pink-hearted drawings that you did...

 '''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you did misconstrue it.

'''Chris:''' And the one, and the one where they were, the one where they were lying next to each other, in a bed situation...

'''Alec:''' Okay, okay, you did misconstrue it. That's true. And then you brought that up to me, and then I explained to you what it really meant. And now you apparently ignored that and just, you say, Sonichu says, "eeewww, you're portraying me as gay." I'm not portraying Sonichu as gay. I've never done that. The only gay characters in my comic are Wild and Simonchu... Well, Simonchu's bisexual. And, uh, I think that's it right now, actually. Well, Mitch, Mitch is gay in my comic. Although I haven't shown him having a lover yet. You know, none of my fans misunderstood that.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, not that it really matters, because the point is that you misunderstood it, you brought it up to me, and I explained it to you. I don't care that you misunderstood something, what I care about is that you apparently didn't even listen when I explained it to you. Because anybody can misunderstand something, but you brought it up to me, I explained it to you, and you made it sound like you did understand. But apparently you didn't.

'''Chris:''' Actually, I did understand, but I still had the anger and rage, I still had the anger against you. And I wanted to bear, I wanted to...

'''Alec:''' No! No. Why? Why would you have anger against me? If I explained...

'''Chris:''' One, uh, one big reason is continuing the adverts, continuing the blasphemous advertisements on my CWCipedia against me. Those are like...

'''Alec:''' [''shouting over Chris''] Oh, really? Hey, hey, hey, do you remember when I explained to you...

'''Chris:''' Especially, especially the ones declaring my birthday as Asperchu Day...

'''Alec:''' HEY! Chris. Chris! Do you remember when I explained to you last time that my ads are staying up there because you completely insulted me, and didn't respect what I wanted you to do in the apology video? But what you're saying me now is, you think that the ads are an attack on you. You're just completely forgetting what I told you before. Or maybe you're not forgetting it, maybe you're just choosing to disregard it. They were a direct consequence of your actions. You had the power to get rid of the ads and you did nothing. So how can you be mad at me for having the ads up? [''pause''] When I gave you several ways out, and you didn't take them?

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I, at least I, when, at least I went by your request and put, and hand-wrote all the apologies and everything, and killed Simonla.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh no. [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|You said that me and Mao and Sean and Evan killed Simonla]]. That's what your comic says. Apparently you didn't fulfill that part of the requirement either. Because I wanted you to kill her, but you accused me of killing her. And then you killed us in your comic. What kind of apology is that? When... Okay, an apology is when you do something wrong, you acknowledge it, and you make reparations to whoever was wronged. An apology is not where, um, you attack the person that you owe an apology to.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It's like you said... It's like you handed me a bowl of ice cream, said, "Hey, here's some ice cream for you," but then just as I reached out for it, you threw it on the ground. That's kind of what it feels like. Chris, do you remember last time, I told you that you were the one who drew the Voltorb? You were the one who killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, requesting the death of one of my characters comes with a price.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Chris:''' And, and I had... I said request of the, request of the killing of one of my characters...

'''Alec:''' NOT YOUR CHARACTER. Not, no, Simonla was not your character. She was Evan's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, with all the writing, with all the writing...

'''Alec:''' "Yeah, but anyway"?

'''Chris:''' With all the, uh...

'''Alec:''' You said, "Yeah, but anyway." Are you acknowledging that Simonla was not yours?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] I acknowledge that Simonla was not mine, but I did not...

'''Alec:''' You just, but, two minutes ago you said...

'''Chris:''' I did not care very much for all the anger and torments and that such abuse that I continued to get from Evan. Anger...

'''Alec:''' What, what abuse did you get from him?

'''Chris:''' Verbal, verbal abuse and...

'''Alec:''' Like how?

'''Chris:''' In the Mailbag.

'''Alec:''' He sent you e-mails requesting you to stop using the character that was his.

'''Chris:''' And then threatening me with, sic his lawyers on me...

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Because you were committing illegal acts against him.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, the point is, Simonla is dead now.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, no, the point is that, um, you apparently don't listen when I talk to you. That's my point. Right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Actually...

'''Alec:''' Because you believe that you are in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. And you... Is that your TV going in the background? Do you ever turn your TV off when you talk to people on the phone? That might be kinda...

'''Chris:''' I do turn my... Well, actually, I do turn the TV off sometimes. [''takes a self-righteous tone''] Alright, I'll turn it off now.

'''Alec:''' Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' Alright. Thank you for that. Um, who is is [[Sandy]], by the way? Sandy, like Simonla's daughter?

'''Chris:''' Wild and Simonla's daughter. Yes.

'''Alec:''' How can Simonla have a daughter when she's not supposed to exist in your comic? You know, Evan might get pissed about Sandy existing.

'''Chris:''' Well, the, well, still, Sandy did not originate from Simonchu.

'''Alec:''' She kinda looks like, exactly like Simonla, but with, like, Lisa Simpson hair. She did originate from, she's like a clone of Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Well, she is not a clone of Simonla, she is a Ground-type rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Isn't that what Simonla was? Do you even realize the point of getting rid of Simonla in the first place? It was because... Okay. Evan was mad about Simonla because Simonla was just a rip-off of Simonchu. And it looks like Sandy is a rip-off of Simonla, which by corollary makes her a rip-off of Simonchu as well.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I disagree with that.

'''Alec:''' You can disagree all you want. Doesn't make it true. You can tell me the sky is orange as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact that the sky is blue. I mean, judges will agree with that one.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, actually, still, Sandy does have an origin that's definitely not, definitely not one that Simonla was from. Explained lately, it's based off of somebody's, some other character.

'''Alec:''' She originates from Simonla.

'''Chris:''' She actually, she actually was born as a rosey...

'''Alec:''' From Simonla.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, long pause'']

'''Alec:''' You know, this probably doesn't matter a whole lot, I bet you're never going to use Sandy again. I mean...

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|f92ZZbrFrIs}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Oh yes I will! Because, because we need a constructor, we need, we need the main constructor in the city of CWCville, and Simonla was that, so now Sandy has to be the one who fills in Simonla's shoes.

'''Alec:''' Can't you just have, like, a construction crew? Like, you know, construction workers with vehicles? How can one person really do all the construction?

'''Chris:''' Simonla, Simonla was head builder, she did have a crew. And when you take out the leader the whole crew falls.

'''Alec:''' Okay, don't you think that crew... You know, I'm sure she had, like, a second-in-command, alright. Don't you think that her crew might feel kind of insulted that, um, you have, like, a person who is a week old just take control? Inheriting the crew. So you, you've got a construction crew that runs, like...

'''Chris:''' No, she was, she's not, well, she's not, Sandy's not going to take the reins prematurely like that...

'''Alec:''' You just said that...

'''Chris:''' She's going through heavy training.

'''Alec:''' Why? So she's child labor?

'''Chris:''' No, not child labor.

'''Alec:''' Well, she's like a week old, and you already had her assassinate people. I mean, that's...

'''Chris:''' The point of that was that they were revenged against Evan for having, for even thinking of killing off Simonla.

'''Alec:''' But you killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Because I was forced, because I felt forced to by, between, by y'all.

'''Alec:''' That's correct, we did force you to, because your refused to acknowledge that... Chris, what is copyright infringement? Give me your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Copyright infringement...

'''Alec:''' Yes. I'd like to hear your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''another pause''] The misuse...of a character that originally belonged to somebody else.

'''Alec:''' Oh! Really.

'''Chris:''' Without their consent.

'''Alec:''' Okay, now, how does that connect to Simonla? You misused, you misused Simonla because she rightfully belonged to someone else.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, even still, even Sonichu was originally mine, and I have a copy-, I have the copyright registration forms to prove that.

'''Alec:''' So? What does that have to do with Simonla? You stole... Don't change the subject, Chris. You stole Simonchu and screwed around with him. Two wrongs make a right, is that, is that the case?

'''Chris:''' That is not the point I am trying to make.

'''Alec:''' Well, then, why do you...

'''Chris:''' That is fairly, that is fairly accurate though.

'''Alec:''' When we're talking about Simonla, why do you bring up Sonichu's copyright? What does that have to do with it?

'''Chris:''' Because you drew him, because you drew him in your pages without my consent, and then, and then made him look like, look like a homosexual. Or appear as such.

'''Alec:''' Why does what I... Why does anything that I do have anything at all to do with how you treat Evan and his property? Why do you want to punish one person for, for a wrong that you perceive another unrelated person doing?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I am not Evan. Evan is not me. Chris, do you... Okay, this... Goddammit, Chris, this is just like, remember when you were complaining about how, you know, the trolls and ED attack you, and you used that as an excuse for why you treat me like shit? Why do you think it's okay to treat some random person like shit just because you've been treated badly, by other people that aren't related?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, now, to correct you, it is not, I did not do it on a random person, quote unquote, I actually had reasons to do it against you and your crew.

'''Alec:''' I asked you why you stole something from Evan, which happened a long time ago, as I understand it, actually, well before I created Asperchu, and your response is that, you know, it's because of something I draw.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm just saying, that was...

'''Alec:''' If I remember right...

'''Chris:''' ...why I did, why I didn't care for what you did very much, and that was what you did there.

'''Alec:''' Chris, when someone asks you a question, it's polite to respond with an answer that is relevant to the question. When I asked you why you think it's okay to steal Simonchu from Evan, please don't respond by going off on some unrelated tangent about how you don't like me.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Now, if I remember right, on that Simonchu article, before you doctored it to make it look different, it said that it was like in August 2008 that you, quote unquote, created Simonla. That's a long time, that's over a year before I created Asperchu. I created Asperchu not even three months ago.

'''Chris:''' Mm-kay. Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Okay what?

'''Chris:''' Well, let me think about that a moment so I can properly answer the question about the, uh... The quote unquote character theft.

'''Alec:''' You know what, I don't really want to go over whether you think stealing Simonchu is right or wrong or not, because we've done that before, and you, you know, I was fooled, I thought that I had gotten some kind of response out of you, which turned out to be a complete lie. Because you, to this day, still believe that Simonla is yours and everyone else is evil. I just want to know why, why you think that you're perfect, and that everyone else who has a disagreement with you is automatically wrong.

'''Chris:''' Well, to correct you, I never thought that I was perfect! I am imperfect, for a few reasons...

'''Alec:''' You still think that you're better than everyone else.

'''Chris:''' And one of which is definitely the high-functioning autism.

'''Alec:''' Well, what, what the hell does autism have to do with you being a bad person?

'''Chris:''' No, I was just saying, that's one reason why I'm not perfect.

'''Alec:''' So if not for autism, you think you would be perfect? Do you really think autism is your only flaw? I don't think...

'''Chris:''' No, I have a lot of other flaws, I know that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I don't think autism... Of all of your flaws, I don't think autism...

'''Chris:''' But I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's, I'm just saying that is one of my flaws that makes me not perfect. I am not perfect, I never said that. I have never said that I was perfect.

'''Alec:''' You imply it by suggesting that Evan and I are evil people who, who made you kill Simonla, because she was yours! Gah, okay, now I'm really pissed off, Chris. I'm mad at you. Because, why... How many years have you been pissing and moaning at people about your copyrights, your precious Sonichu copyrights? But you don't give a shit about Evan's copyright, or my copyright, or anyone else. You just take whatever you want, and you act like you're in the right by doing so. Why do you do that?

'''Chris:''' Hm. [''mumbles''] Why do I do that... [''long pause''] Hm. Mm. Hm.

'''Alec:''' You have no response, do you?

'''Chris:''' I'm thinking! Can I think? Sometimes my mind's a little slow.

'''Alec:''' You've had, like, how many years of worrying about copyright?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I would think you would be a master of copyright law by now, considering how important it is to you. I would think you would know copyright laws backward and forward.

'''Chris:''' I am not as knowledgeable as a copyright lawyer.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... Let's change the subject a little bit. What's up with that, your [[Christian Love Day]] video?

'''Chris:''' Because, because it was my birthday, I was just making a stand against the trolls. And the internet bullies.

'''Alec:''' What stand?

'''Chris:''' That I'm not gonna be let-, that I'm not going to be thrust down by the likes of which... And I'm going to continue on.

'''Alec:''' You... You kinda just... I recognized that speech you used, you just took that from ''Independence Day''.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You took that speech from...

'''Chris:''' I did not take...

'''Alec:''' Chris, that speech, that "We will not go down without a fight" speech, that was... That was lifted directly from, uh, ''Independence Day''. Remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine.

'''Alec:''' So you can't even write your own speech?

'''Chris:''' I can write my own speech! But he, I let my friend do it for me.

'''Alec:''' Well, why do you think that your birthday should be a holiday in the first place?

'''Chris:''' Well, it, well, once, when it is a, it is a holiday in Mexico. They should be equally important holidays in America.

'''Alec:''' It's, okay, it's Mexican Flag Day. In Mexico. Mexico has, I dunno, what, like 40 million citizens, something like that? So, are you really saying that Mexican Flag Day is no more important than your birthday? Should 40 million Americans, or more, be celebrating your birthday?

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I am not saying that.

'''Alec:''' You said that your birthday should be of equal importance to Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' I'm just saying...

'''Alec:''' Well, I was wrong, I just, I just looked it up, Mexico is actually like 110 million people. I was way off. Okay, so, your birthday is more important than 110 million Mexicans.

'''Chris:''' I never said that. And I never said that anybody should celebrate my birthday on that day.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, your first response when I asked you, like 90 seconds ago, I asked you, "Why should your birthday be a holiday?" And you said, "Well, it's a holiday in Mexico, therefore it should be of equal importance in America." That is exactly what you said.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it's what you're thinking. You think that, you think that Mexican Flag day is just, not even good enough, right?

'''Chris:''' Well, it can be better.

'''Alec:''' It can be better?! It's a day for 110 million Mexicans to celebrate the freedom of their country!

'''Chris:''' And that, and that celebration could be, celeb-, could be accepted in America.

'''Alec:''' Well, why? Why would Americans celebrate Mexico's history? Americans have the fourth of July, that's when we celebrate our history. We have Flag Day too, like June 16 I think?

'''Chris:''' That's about, uh, I think that's about right.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. So we already have a Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' But still, I mean, we have these, we have the, the Messicans in America.

'''Alec:''' And I'm sure they can celebrate Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So, we should accept that and, and maybe celebrate as well in like a congratulatory way for them.

'''Alec:''' Well, then why wasn't your video, um, about Mexican Flag Day, instead of this made-up Christian Love Day?

'''Chris:''' My idea behind Christian Love Day is, like, the possibility of a second Valentine's Day.

'''Alec:''' It's like 10 days after the real Valentine's Day. Why would we need another Valentine's so soon?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] It's like we need more, it's like we need more reminders to love and care about each other.

'''Alec:''' Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, sponsored by corporations to sell shitty gift cards and disgusting fake sugar candies. It's not about love. It's just a stupid corporate holiday. If you want, if you want to really celebrate love, you can do it at any time. You don't need a holiday.

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|V5UxfjkaIsA}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' It's to help us, help remind us to do so constant-, on a more constant basis.

'''Alec:''' Okay, so why your birthday? Why your birthday, of all the days in the year, why would you choose your birthday for this particular holiday? Unless it was about celebrating yourself.

'''Chris:''' Because it feels right.

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "it feels right"?

'''Chris:''' It feels like a good dr-, a good day to celebrate something.

'''Alec:'''Yeah. Like Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, Chris, just admit that you just want... You really think that you're so important, that you're so saintly and perfect, that you think your birthday should be a holiday. Just admit that to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, I am not saintly or perfect.

'''Alec:''' But you think that you're such an important person that your birthday should be a holiday. Admit it. It's about [[Chris and his ego|your ego]].

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I partially agree with you on that, but it's actually a lot more than just quote unquote ego.

'''Alec:''' What, what more could it be?

'''Chris:''' I am not sure right now because I cannot come up with the right, with the right ans-, with appropriate answer for that.

'''Alec:''' Well then, well then you shouldn't be trying to create a holiday... Chris, you shouldn't really be trying to do anything until after you've come up with a logical reason to do it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay well...

'''Alec:''' Countless times, countless times I've asked you why you do things, and you fall back on, "I'm not sure, it felt right." Or you use your emotions as an excuse, like when you brutally murdered me and Evan and Mao and Sean in your, in your sham mock trial. You know, [''mocking voice''] "because you were still angry about the ads!" Let's go back to that...

'''Chris:''' And another thing...

'''Alec:''' What, what other thing?

'''Chris:''' What, how you portray me and my, and my electric hedgehogs, even in a parodic way, as a, as a, as definitely mentally retarded for one characteristic.

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Chris, how many times have you...

'''Chris:''' And then brutally killing, killing us off like you did...

'''Alec:''' You brutally killed me.

'''Chris:''' And then, and selling, and sexually expliciting us like that.

'''Alec:''' Sexually ex-

'''Chris:''' Where you said all that first.

'''Alec:''' Oh, so that makes it okay for you to do anything? Chris, how many times... Okay, okay, you accuse me of making a parody, and I can't even begin to count the number of times I told you Asperchu's not a parody, but you accuse me of making a parody like it's such an evil thing, um, how many times have you fallen back on describing Sonichu as a parody of Sonic and Pikachu, when people ask you? And when you do it, it's a good thing, you use it as a defense against attacks by Nintendo and Sega and other companies. Why is it, when you think someone else is parodying you, um, shit hits the fan? Why is that, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, you have por-, you definitely have portrayed a sense of retardedness and stupidity and even worse in that sense. And then used, that came from me and my pages, and the videos, and put them in your book. Like, you definitely drew a dildo and a sports bra as among one of the things, as among two things that Asperchu was digging out of his chest in the first book.

'''Alec:''' Have you ever seen ''Team America''? You remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Yep. Yeah, I've seen that movie.

'''Alec:''' Did you like it?

'''Chris:''' It was okay.

'''Alec:''' You remember how they made Matt Damon retarded in that movie?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Well, they did.

'''Chris:''' Some of, some of those jokes do not hit me right away because they're not that, they're not that obvious to me. Or I don't know what's about the context of it. Like for example, the recent new ''Family Guy'' where Chris dates the Down's Syndrome girl, and then apparently the joke where she says "I'm the daughter of a former Alaskan...something."

'''Alec:''' Governor. It was Sarah Palin, Chris. It was about her.

'''Chris:''' Former Alaskan Senator, that was it.

'''Alec: ''' No, it was the governor.

'''Chris:''' But yeah, it was supposed to be, it was, I learned in an article in today's ''Washington Post'' that, uh, that apparently it was meant as an attack on Sarah Parin, and I did not know that when I first heard that.

'''Alec:''' Sarah P-A-L-I-N, actually.

'''Chris:''' But I was, at least I was, that was a general statement.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um, we're getting off on a wild tangent here. My question is, why is parody such a bad thing to you? When other people do it.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I do not understand half the question. Why is parody blind to me...?

'''Alec:''' Why do you think parody is bad when other people do it?

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

'''Chris:''' That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

'''Alec:''' It makes you feel better?! Chris, you're an adult, you really want people to kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, not all the time.

'''Alec:''' Why can't you learn to deal with...

'''Chris:''' I don't want, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like constant abuse.

'''Alec:''' What constant abuse?

'''Chris:''' And torment and slanders and cursings.

'''Alec:''' Oh, what torment and slander and cursing? Hey, Chris, okay, okay, you don't like slander? What about all the lies you've told about me? What about, okay, remember a while ago you made a video trying to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|hypnotize people into hating Asperchu]]? Like you spoke in backwards Spanish or something? Remember when you cursed me with the death threats?

'''Chris:''' And I apologized for that.

'''Alec:''' No, no, no, no, not, no, you're not getting away with that bullshit excuse this time, Chris. Okay? You can't just do things, do horrible things, and then offer a fake apology afterwards. That's not okay. That's not what apology is. You know, you claim to be a Christian, this is really, do you really think this is what God wants his children to do?

'''Chris:''' Hm. You're right, it is not something that, uh, God would like.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, you're not a Christian.

'''Chris:''' [''shifts to a grim, offended tone''] I am a Christian. I am a baptized practicing Methodist...

'''Alec:''' No, no you're not. You don't practice... Baptism doesn't mean shit. You don't even try to practice what Christianity teaches.

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, I don't have a total understanding of all the rules, and, uh...

'''Alec:''' Well, you can't be a very good Christian if you don't understand the rules.

'''Chris:''' Of course, there's a whole lots of, to memorize, and, and it's...

'''Alec:''' [''mockingly''] Yeah, religion is hard, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' ...and, what is, God does want, one of the things God wants us to do is not to worry about every single detail.

'''Alec:''' But you worry about every single... Oh, no, no, okay, no, that's not how it works. God wants you to follow the rules that he lays down. God wants you to try to be a good person. You don't even try to be a good person. You are completely selfish, and you do whatever you want, and you demand that other people go out of your way for you, to do things as you want them to. And then when someone starts pestering you, you offer a superficial apology and hope that smooths it all over. And then you draw a comic, you know, negating even that simple apology, where you threaten people and murder them in your comic. Thereby proving that you were just lying to the person who, you know, thought that you actually understood the point he was trying to get across. God condemns lying, you know.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Admit that you lied to me when you said, when you agreed with me that you didn't have a right to use Simonla. Admit that you have always believed that Simonla is yours.

 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I'll admit...that.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Okay, good, so all of our previous calls were just lies, then.

'''Chris:''' Not, no, not, no, they actually happened.

'''Alec:''' Yes, they happened, Chris, but your responses were lies. I know the phone calls happened in reality.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Anyway, uh, let me get back, anyway, uh, I don't mean to be all, but I want to get back to an early, to the earlier topic about, uh, what's wrong with you making a parody of a parody. Okay, well, okay, well, take a cue from what they did in one episode of ''Robot Chicken''.

'''Alec:''' I don't watch ''Robot Chicken'', so this reference means nothing to me.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, anyway, anyway, anyway, one...

'''Alec:''' Try explaining it to me without the use of TV references.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Consider a remake of a remake of an original movie! That was original as a blockbuster.

'''Alec:''' Okay... What about it? What about a remake of a remake?

'''Chris:''' It's not very good.

'''Alec:''' Sometimes they are. Sometimes remakes are better. Did you see the new ''Dawn of the Dead''? That was way better than the George Romero shit.

'''Chris:''' I have not, I have not seen either, I have not seen either ''Dawn of the Dead''.

'''Alec:''' You probably shouldn't, 'cause there's gore in it, and I know how much you hate that.

'''Chris:''' I don't mind, I don't mind gore, up to a certain point.

'''Alec:''' Well, obviously, given how gory your murder of me was. But, okay, I'm still having a little trouble understanding why, um, parody is okay when you do it, but not okay when someone else does it.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Hm.

'''Alec:''' Because you proudly proclaim Sonichu to be a parody, but at the same time you accuse other people of doing parodies like they're doing a bad thing.

'''Chris:''' [''more stalling''] Hm. Okay, well, think about this. How about if somebody did a parody to Asperchu?

'''Alec:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' And made him look even more stupid and more retarded, and actually brutally killed him in all the blood and gory detail! Or had him sexually raped in a prison cell of all dudes! How would you feel if you saw that?

'''Alec:''' Uh, I don't think I'd give a shit, honestly. I mean, if it was well-done, I might kinda laugh at it. If it was meant to be a funny parody. See, I don't take myself completely, I don't take myself completely seriously like you do. I can laugh at my own foibles and I can laugh at the foibles of my comic. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That is...a theory, yes. Though I am not one hundred per-, I'll, that is, a, a previous...

'''Alec:''' So you don't really agree with it, though? You don't think imitation is ever a good thing?

'''Chris:''' Not one hundred percent.

'''Alec:''' Because Sonichu's an imitation of Sonic. Then you must agree that Sonichu is a good thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, because it was, because it was originally meant in a positive light. But then I get all the inputs from the trolls and all that on the internets, and then that just plain ticks me off.

'''Alec:''' Okay, if the guy who created Sonic, I don't know what his name is, but if he came along and discovered your Sonichu comic, he would probably-

'''Chris:''' [''burps'']

'''Alec:''' -See that at least half of it is just you attacking trolls... I mean, the comic's not even really about Sonichu. It's about you, and it's about your war against trolls.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's to be undone because, because I, because I have just, after I finish with book number 10 I will be making less appearances in the book...

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|tJBHkJpv6B4}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = current
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:'''-in the books, and then, and now it will be more about Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Are you gonna do that reboot that we talked about?

'''Chris:''' There will be a form of a reboot, yes.

'''Alec:''' Why did you do these pages, then, if you're gonna do a reboot?

'''Chris:''' I mean, I mean, if I'm gonna be making less appearances in the comics, I figure I may as well let myself go out with a bang.

'''Alec:''' Um, no, no, Chris, Chris, I explained to you, a reboot is a complete restart. What happens in the reboot will have nothing to do with the comics that you've made thus far. And you know, you said you had like 30 pages, you only uploaded like...16.

'''Chris:''' That was the amount I had to complete number, book number 10. And the book is completed.

'''Alec:''' You said you had like 30 pages.

'''Chris:''' Well, right now I just wanted to get book number 10 out of the way.

'''Alec:''' But you said you were going to have like 30 pages up on your birthday.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So you went back on your word again.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Well, I overestimated myself!

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "overestimated"? You said you had like 30 drawn and ready to be Photoshopped.

'''Chris:''' Well, just accept the fact that I had, I finished book number 10, and I had them all ready for Photoshop, and I uploaded them.

'''Alec:''' You know, if you have a deadline with a publisher and they're expecting 30 pages by a certain date, and you come to them and say, "Oh, yeah, here's 16 pages," they're not gonna be happy with you.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' And you didn't even upload them on your birthday, you uploaded them today. The day after. People who miss deadlines don't get paid.

'''Chris:''' Well, I had computer troubles.

'''Alec:''' Of course you had...

'''Chris:''' And I had to go out, and I had to go with my family to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday.

'''Alec:''' Sonichu is your job, Chris!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] That's another thing, you put them in the perspective of like, he's my job, it just makes me feel...

'''Alec:''' Well, you intend to make your huge money-making franchise, right? So yes, he is your job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah! And you don't take your job seriously!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, but you see, with that belief, with that definition, in the mentality of an artist, when the thing was originally supposed to be a work of art and creativity, then it just cheapens it.

'''Alec:''' Um, well, then, I could say it cheapened it when you started saying you intended to publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So what you're telling me now is, you have no intention of ever making money off Sonichu. Because if it is just a work of art for its own sake, that's fine. But you keep promising, you know, deadlines that you miss, and you keep saying you're gonna publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Do you not want to make money off Sonichu anymore?

'''Chris:''' No, I would like to make money off of Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Well, okay. You're cheapening it, then, it's not a work of art anymore.

'''Chris:''' Because I had too many influx from bad people like the trolls!

'''Alec:''' What the hell do trolls have to do with it, Chris?

'''Chris:''' And also from, and also from...

 '''Alec:'''I have you as a troll, and my comic kept going just fine.

 '''Chris:''' And also from...

'''Alec:''' And how do trolls control what goes in the comic? Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] It's when they really tick me off, and then it just, it just, it's like putting, [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|it's like putting poison into the water supply]].

'''Alec:''' Why do you keep responding to trolls, then?

'''Chris:''' [''mega-sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And another thing, you have a really broad definition of "trolls," it seems. Because you think that people that ask you questions you don't like in your Mailbag are trolls. You think homosexual people are trolls just for existing, because you want to cure gays.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I think the ironic thing there is, gays would probably consider you a troll. Because you want to destroy their identity when they haven't done anything to you.

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh'']

'''Alec:''' You think I'm a troll, and I've been trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry, sometimes things are, I have been trying to collaborate, I get misunderstood often, and it just really makes me feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm being misunder-

[''Call cuts off'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|nextlink=Current|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTkyWTduZ0JXOXc The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ae7T05cIJQ YouTube Version: Part 1]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9

2015-08-25T16:08:04Z

Meester Siemen: /* External links */ Update of dead link.

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9''' is the ninth [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|call between Alec and Chris]], which took place 25 [[February 2010]].

==Summary==
The call begins with [[Alec]] asking [[Chris]] how his birthday was and then asking about his reasoning behind the recent disturbing developments in [[Sonichu 10]]. Alec points out some notable [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in regards to Chris's use of [[Chris and anger|violence]] in [[Issue 10]], given that Chris has criticized the [[Asperchu]] and [[Sonichu Revolution]] comics for using a lot of violence. Alec goes on to call out Chris for trying to weasel out of the conditions he had agreed to in earlier phone calls and telling him off for not listening to him...again.

Chris defends his actions with the always amazing excuse that "he was still filled with anger," which, you know, totally makes everything fine. Alec also points out that "apologizing" is not quite equal to "violently murdering the people you wronged in your comic." The two argue about the issue of [[Simonla]], and the fact that Chris didn't exactly kill her in the manner promised AND introduced the character "[[Sandy]]", Simonla's daughter, defeating the entire purpose of eliminating Simonla. They discuss [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] and Chris's misunderstanding of the concept, in addition to Chris's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]].

[[Christian Love Day]] is also brought up. Chris denies [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] ''Independence Day'' and claims that trying to make his own birthday a national holiday isn't completely unreasonable in any way, shape, or form. Chris states that the Mexican Flag Day (which is coincidentally the same day as his birthday) "could be better," which implies that it "could be better" by celebrating his birthday on a national level AND saying that there should be a second day in addition to Valentine's Day to celebrate love and his birthday "just feels right". When Alec mentions that he's definitely creating a pathetic cover-up for wanting his own birthday to be a holiday, Chris dances around the question.

Chris also admits that he has no objections being kissed up to, which has been [[Ego|fairly obvious]] for quite a long time. He then goes on to prove he knows little to nothing of Christianity, his professed belief ([[Chris and religion|also obvious]]). Chris also admits to believing Simonla has always been his and tries to explain why it's not okay to [[parody]] a parody (it's as nonsensical as it sounds). In addition, Alec catches Chris in another [[List of Chris's lies|blatant lie]] about how many pages he had done. Chris blames the [[trolls]], for no reason whatsoever.

The call appears to end with Chris hanging up mid-sentence, much to the disappointment of Alec.

==Part 1==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|eqiJmuaZclQ}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Alec. I was not...

'''Alec:''' Hey, Happy birthday!

'''Chris:''' [''Annoyed''] I wasn't- okay, well I was not expecting you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, thank you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah, how was, how was your birthday today?

'''Chris:''' My birthday was yesterday, and it was, it was, it was good.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh, it was, it was yesterday?

'''Chris:''' I spent it with my family. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I saw the pages you got uploaded today. Um, yeah... Uh... What's up with that trial, Chris? That was kinda like, that was kind of, uh, out of left field. That was... I didn't expect that at all.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you drew, you drew, you, uh, drew me, you drew, you drew me in a set- in a setup of, uh, the, of uh, being beared false witness from uh, from your, from your parody of my Sonichu. In, uh, comparison of uh, that, of the [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]] being the real one and not me, which I was the real deal. And then you set me on fire. And then recently, you per-, you portrayed me getting my head getting chopped off with a sawblade! With gory detail!

'''Alec:''' Chris, you didn't read that, that last page. Did you read the, um, the page? 'Cause, what happened there was, um, that was a picture of the real you in the comic, and I said, you know, like your head got chopped off but then you came right back and said "No, it's okay, we're just faking". I didn't, your head didn't actually get chopped off.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Okay, it could maybe have more obvious.

'''Alec:''' Well, if you read the text it would have been obvious. You know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It, there was a lot, there was text there, I mean, I spelled it out. I specifically had you say "Don't worry, this is fake!", you know, "My head's not really chopped off. I'm fine." You know, um, you accuse me of using, er, well, not accused, of using violence, I do use violence, that's true. But I was just kind of, uh... It seems kind of weird that your comic has suddenly taken a ''very'' gory turn. I mean, like...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] It's just, it's just, it's just [[Sonichu Special 4|one time]].

'''Alec:'''But you said violence is wrong, though. One time's...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting again''] But I... Yeah, well, you, you, you did violence unto me, I was just returning the favor.

'''Alec:''' Oh, revenge is okay, though? Chris, you said violence is wrong. You didn't say it's okay in the case of revenge. [''long pause''] And, I'm kinda, I'm kinda curious, why is this trial taking place? Like, why are Alec and Mao and me, er, Alec and Mao and uh, Evan and Sean, uh, why are we on trial?

'''Chris:''' [''takes a smug tone''] Okay, let me see. The, uh, copy-, copycat, the whole bunch of copy-, copycat of practically everything from my, nearly everything from my books. Set me on fire, chopping my head off, false witness, and uh, oh yeah, how about wanting to kill Simonla Rosechu?

'''Alec:''' Um... Do you remember all the times we talked about Simonla? Where I explained to you that I wanted you to kill her because she's not your character, and Evan wanted her gone from your comic?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you told me, you swore up and down to me that, that you understood the point I was trying to get across to you and that you understood what I...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting yet again''] Yeah I did, yeah I did understand that. Yeah I-

'''Alec:''' [''Shutting Chris down''] Well, no! You're lying to me, Chris. You obviously didn't.

'''Chris:''' No, I did, I did...

'''Alec:''' [''Refusing to put up with Chris's bullshit excuses''] God Chris, I can't believe, I cannot believe you did this Chris. You, you know I thought that you were just, you know, kinda going "Yeah, uh-huh" just mouthing along and pretending to understand and saying what I wanted to hear to get me off the phone. And you know, I said that to you. I asked you, "Are you doing that?" And you said "No," you said no. You, you promised you understood, you would comply, you believed what I was saying. But then this trial comes along and what you're telling me right now is apparently my words went in one ear and out the other with you. And you think that, that me and Evan did something wrong to you. You think that you have done nothing wrong? Do you seriously believe that we are, you know, antagonists and that you are just a saint here?

'''Chris:''' Hmmm. Let me think about that a moment. To ask my question best.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, remember: Don't tell me the answer that you think I want to hear. Tell me what you really believe. That's the answer that I actually want to hear, is what you really believe.

[''Tense pause. Chris is watching South Park in the background.'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm looking at... Uh, the page here where you had like 10 people simultaneously electrocute me. Sonichu says [''wimpy voice''] "Oh I'm not gay!"

[''Chris attempts to respond, Alec drowns him out.'']

'''Alec:''' Chris, how many times, how many times did I tell... Okay, another thing, apparently, you didn't listen to. How many times did I tell you that I never portrayed Sonichu as gay? I explained clearly to you. Because you thought that he and Asperchu are gay, and I explained to you, "No, they're just, they were just hugging because they're friends, they're close friends." And I thought that you understood that, but... Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but like it'd be, but the portrayal could be misconstr-, construed, especially with the, uh, all the pink, all the pink-hearted drawings that you did...

 '''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you did misconstrue it.

'''Chris:''' And the one, and the one where they were, the one where they were lying next to each other, in a bed situation...

'''Alec:''' Okay, okay, you did misconstrue it. That's true. And then you brought that up to me, and then I explained to you what it really meant. And now you apparently ignored that and just, you say, Sonichu says, "eeewww, you're portraying me as gay." I'm not portraying Sonichu as gay. I've never done that. The only gay characters in my comic are Wild and Simonchu... Well, Simonchu's bisexual. And, uh, I think that's it right now, actually. Well, Mitch, Mitch is gay in my comic. Although I haven't shown him having a lover yet. You know, none of my fans misunderstood that.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, not that it really matters, because the point is that you misunderstood it, you brought it up to me, and I explained it to you. I don't care that you misunderstood something, what I care about is that you apparently didn't even listen when I explained it to you. Because anybody can misunderstand something, but you brought it up to me, I explained it to you, and you made it sound like you did understand. But apparently you didn't.

'''Chris:''' Actually, I did understand, but I still had the anger and rage, I still had the anger against you. And I wanted to bear, I wanted to...

'''Alec:''' No! No. Why? Why would you have anger against me? If I explained...

'''Chris:''' One, uh, one big reason is continuing the adverts, continuing the blasphemous advertisements on my CWCipedia against me. Those are like...

'''Alec:''' [''shouting over Chris''] Oh, really? Hey, hey, hey, do you remember when I explained to you...

'''Chris:''' Especially, especially the ones declaring my birthday as Asperchu Day...

'''Alec:''' HEY! Chris. Chris! Do you remember when I explained to you last time that my ads are staying up there because you completely insulted me, and didn't respect what I wanted you to do in the apology video? But what you're saying me now is, you think that the ads are an attack on you. You're just completely forgetting what I told you before. Or maybe you're not forgetting it, maybe you're just choosing to disregard it. They were a direct consequence of your actions. You had the power to get rid of the ads and you did nothing. So how can you be mad at me for having the ads up? [''pause''] When I gave you several ways out, and you didn't take them?

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I, at least I, when, at least I went by your request and put, and hand-wrote all the apologies and everything, and killed Simonla.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh no. [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|You said that me and Mao and Sean and Evan killed Simonla]]. That's what your comic says. Apparently you didn't fulfill that part of the requirement either. Because I wanted you to kill her, but you accused me of killing her. And then you killed us in your comic. What kind of apology is that? When... Okay, an apology is when you do something wrong, you acknowledge it, and you make reparations to whoever was wronged. An apology is not where, um, you attack the person that you owe an apology to.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It's like you said... It's like you handed me a bowl of ice cream, said, "Hey, here's some ice cream for you," but then just as I reached out for it, you threw it on the ground. That's kind of what it feels like. Chris, do you remember last time, I told you that you were the one who drew the Voltorb? You were the one who killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, requesting the death of one of my characters comes with a price.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Chris:''' And, and I had... I said request of the, request of the killing of one of my characters...

'''Alec:''' NOT YOUR CHARACTER. Not, no, Simonla was not your character. She was Evan's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, with all the writing, with all the writing...

'''Alec:''' "Yeah, but anyway"?

'''Chris:''' With all the, uh...

'''Alec:''' You said, "Yeah, but anyway." Are you acknowledging that Simonla was not yours?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] I acknowledge that Simonla was not mine, but I did not...

'''Alec:''' You just, but, two minutes ago you said...

'''Chris:''' I did not care very much for all the anger and torments and that such abuse that I continued to get from Evan. Anger...

'''Alec:''' What, what abuse did you get from him?

'''Chris:''' Verbal, verbal abuse and...

'''Alec:''' Like how?

'''Chris:''' In the Mailbag.

'''Alec:''' He sent you e-mails requesting you to stop using the character that was his.

'''Chris:''' And then threatening me with, sic his lawyers on me...

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Because you were committing illegal acts against him.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, the point is, Simonla is dead now.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, no, the point is that, um, you apparently don't listen when I talk to you. That's my point. Right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Actually...

'''Alec:''' Because you believe that you are in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. And you... Is that your TV going in the background? Do you ever turn your TV off when you talk to people on the phone? That might be kinda...

'''Chris:''' I do turn my... Well, actually, I do turn the TV off sometimes. [''takes a self-righteous tone''] Alright, I'll turn it off now.

'''Alec:''' Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' Alright. Thank you for that. Um, who is is [[Sandy]], by the way? Sandy, like Simonla's daughter?

'''Chris:''' Wild and Simonla's daughter. Yes.

'''Alec:''' How can Simonla have a daughter when she's not supposed to exist in your comic? You know, Evan might get pissed about Sandy existing.

'''Chris:''' Well, the, well, still, Sandy did not originate from Simonchu.

'''Alec:''' She kinda looks like, exactly like Simonla, but with, like, Lisa Simpson hair. She did originate from, she's like a clone of Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Well, she is not a clone of Simonla, she is a Ground-type rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Isn't that what Simonla was? Do you even realize the point of getting rid of Simonla in the first place? It was because... Okay. Evan was mad about Simonla because Simonla was just a rip-off of Simonchu. And it looks like Sandy is a rip-off of Simonla, which by corollary makes her a rip-off of Simonchu as well.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I disagree with that.

'''Alec:''' You can disagree all you want. Doesn't make it true. You can tell me the sky is orange as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact that the sky is blue. I mean, judges will agree with that one.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, actually, still, Sandy does have an origin that's definitely not, definitely not one that Simonla was from. Explained lately, it's based off of somebody's, some other character.

'''Alec:''' She originates from Simonla.

'''Chris:''' She actually, she actually was born as a rosey...

'''Alec:''' From Simonla.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, long pause'']

'''Alec:''' You know, this probably doesn't matter a whole lot, I bet you're never going to use Sandy again. I mean...

==Part 2==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|f92ZZbrFrIs}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Oh yes I will! Because, because we need a constructor, we need, we need the main constructor in the city of CWCville, and Simonla was that, so now Sandy has to be the one who fills in Simonla's shoes.

'''Alec:''' Can't you just have, like, a construction crew? Like, you know, construction workers with vehicles? How can one person really do all the construction?

'''Chris:''' Simonla, Simonla was head builder, she did have a crew. And when you take out the leader the whole crew falls.

'''Alec:''' Okay, don't you think that crew... You know, I'm sure she had, like, a second-in-command, alright. Don't you think that her crew might feel kind of insulted that, um, you have, like, a person who is a week old just take control? Inheriting the crew. So you, you've got a construction crew that runs, like...

'''Chris:''' No, she was, she's not, well, she's not, Sandy's not going to take the reins prematurely like that...

'''Alec:''' You just said that...

'''Chris:''' She's going through heavy training.

'''Alec:''' Why? So she's child labor?

'''Chris:''' No, not child labor.

'''Alec:''' Well, she's like a week old, and you already had her assassinate people. I mean, that's...

'''Chris:''' The point of that was that they were revenged against Evan for having, for even thinking of killing off Simonla.

'''Alec:''' But you killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Because I was forced, because I felt forced to by, between, by y'all.

'''Alec:''' That's correct, we did force you to, because your refused to acknowledge that... Chris, what is copyright infringement? Give me your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Copyright infringement...

'''Alec:''' Yes. I'd like to hear your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''another pause''] The misuse...of a character that originally belonged to somebody else.

'''Alec:''' Oh! Really.

'''Chris:''' Without their consent.

'''Alec:''' Okay, now, how does that connect to Simonla? You misused, you misused Simonla because she rightfully belonged to someone else.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, even still, even Sonichu was originally mine, and I have a copy-, I have the copyright registration forms to prove that.

'''Alec:''' So? What does that have to do with Simonla? You stole... Don't change the subject, Chris. You stole Simonchu and screwed around with him. Two wrongs make a right, is that, is that the case?

'''Chris:''' That is not the point I am trying to make.

'''Alec:''' Well, then, why do you...

'''Chris:''' That is fairly, that is fairly accurate though.

'''Alec:''' When we're talking about Simonla, why do you bring up Sonichu's copyright? What does that have to do with it?

'''Chris:''' Because you drew him, because you drew him in your pages without my consent, and then, and then made him look like, look like a homosexual. Or appear as such.

'''Alec:''' Why does what I... Why does anything that I do have anything at all to do with how you treat Evan and his property? Why do you want to punish one person for, for a wrong that you perceive another unrelated person doing?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I am not Evan. Evan is not me. Chris, do you... Okay, this... Goddammit, Chris, this is just like, remember when you were complaining about how, you know, the trolls and ED attack you, and you used that as an excuse for why you treat me like shit? Why do you think it's okay to treat some random person like shit just because you've been treated badly, by other people that aren't related?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, now, to correct you, it is not, I did not do it on a random person, quote unquote, I actually had reasons to do it against you and your crew.

'''Alec:''' I asked you why you stole something from Evan, which happened a long time ago, as I understand it, actually, well before I created Asperchu, and your response is that, you know, it's because of something I draw.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm just saying, that was...

'''Alec:''' If I remember right...

'''Chris:''' ...why I did, why I didn't care for what you did very much, and that was what you did there.

'''Alec:''' Chris, when someone asks you a question, it's polite to respond with an answer that is relevant to the question. When I asked you why you think it's okay to steal Simonchu from Evan, please don't respond by going off on some unrelated tangent about how you don't like me.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Now, if I remember right, on that Simonchu article, before you doctored it to make it look different, it said that it was like in August 2008 that you, quote unquote, created Simonla. That's a long time, that's over a year before I created Asperchu. I created Asperchu not even three months ago.

'''Chris:''' Mm-kay. Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Okay what?

'''Chris:''' Well, let me think about that a moment so I can properly answer the question about the, uh... The quote unquote character theft.

'''Alec:''' You know what, I don't really want to go over whether you think stealing Simonchu is right or wrong or not, because we've done that before, and you, you know, I was fooled, I thought that I had gotten some kind of response out of you, which turned out to be a complete lie. Because you, to this day, still believe that Simonla is yours and everyone else is evil. I just want to know why, why you think that you're perfect, and that everyone else who has a disagreement with you is automatically wrong.

'''Chris:''' Well, to correct you, I never thought that I was perfect! I am imperfect, for a few reasons...

'''Alec:''' You still think that you're better than everyone else.

'''Chris:''' And one of which is definitely the high-functioning autism.

'''Alec:''' Well, what, what the hell does autism have to do with you being a bad person?

'''Chris:''' No, I was just saying, that's one reason why I'm not perfect.

'''Alec:''' So if not for autism, you think you would be perfect? Do you really think autism is your only flaw? I don't think...

'''Chris:''' No, I have a lot of other flaws, I know that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I don't think autism... Of all of your flaws, I don't think autism...

'''Chris:''' But I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's, I'm just saying that is one of my flaws that makes me not perfect. I am not perfect, I never said that. I have never said that I was perfect.

'''Alec:''' You imply it by suggesting that Evan and I are evil people who, who made you kill Simonla, because she was yours! Gah, okay, now I'm really pissed off, Chris. I'm mad at you. Because, why... How many years have you been pissing and moaning at people about your copyrights, your precious Sonichu copyrights? But you don't give a shit about Evan's copyright, or my copyright, or anyone else. You just take whatever you want, and you act like you're in the right by doing so. Why do you do that?

'''Chris:''' Hm. [''mumbles''] Why do I do that... [''long pause''] Hm. Mm. Hm.

'''Alec:''' You have no response, do you?

'''Chris:''' I'm thinking! Can I think? Sometimes my mind's a little slow.

'''Alec:''' You've had, like, how many years of worrying about copyright?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I would think you would be a master of copyright law by now, considering how important it is to you. I would think you would know copyright laws backward and forward.

'''Chris:''' I am not as knowledgeable as a copyright lawyer.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... Let's change the subject a little bit. What's up with that, your [[Christian Love Day]] video?

'''Chris:''' Because, because it was my birthday, I was just making a stand against the trolls. And the internet bullies.

'''Alec:''' What stand?

'''Chris:''' That I'm not gonna be let-, that I'm not going to be thrust down by the likes of which... And I'm going to continue on.

'''Alec:''' You... You kinda just... I recognized that speech you used, you just took that from ''Independence Day''.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You took that speech from...

'''Chris:''' I did not take...

'''Alec:''' Chris, that speech, that "We will not go down without a fight" speech, that was... That was lifted directly from, uh, ''Independence Day''. Remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine.

'''Alec:''' So you can't even write your own speech?

'''Chris:''' I can write my own speech! But he, I let my friend do it for me.

'''Alec:''' Well, why do you think that your birthday should be a holiday in the first place?

'''Chris:''' Well, it, well, once, when it is a, it is a holiday in Mexico. They should be equally important holidays in America.

'''Alec:''' It's, okay, it's Mexican Flag Day. In Mexico. Mexico has, I dunno, what, like 40 million citizens, something like that? So, are you really saying that Mexican Flag Day is no more important than your birthday? Should 40 million Americans, or more, be celebrating your birthday?

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I am not saying that.

'''Alec:''' You said that your birthday should be of equal importance to Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' I'm just saying...

'''Alec:''' Well, I was wrong, I just, I just looked it up, Mexico is actually like 110 million people. I was way off. Okay, so, your birthday is more important than 110 million Mexicans.

'''Chris:''' I never said that. And I never said that anybody should celebrate my birthday on that day.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, your first response when I asked you, like 90 seconds ago, I asked you, "Why should your birthday be a holiday?" And you said, "Well, it's a holiday in Mexico, therefore it should be of equal importance in America." That is exactly what you said.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it's what you're thinking. You think that, you think that Mexican Flag day is just, not even good enough, right?

'''Chris:''' Well, it can be better.

'''Alec:''' It can be better?! It's a day for 110 million Mexicans to celebrate the freedom of their country!

'''Chris:''' And that, and that celebration could be, celeb-, could be accepted in America.

'''Alec:''' Well, why? Why would Americans celebrate Mexico's history? Americans have the fourth of July, that's when we celebrate our history. We have Flag Day too, like June 16 I think?

'''Chris:''' That's about, uh, I think that's about right.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. So we already have a Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' But still, I mean, we have these, we have the, the Messicans in America.

'''Alec:''' And I'm sure they can celebrate Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So, we should accept that and, and maybe celebrate as well in like a congratulatory way for them.

'''Alec:''' Well, then why wasn't your video, um, about Mexican Flag Day, instead of this made-up Christian Love Day?

'''Chris:''' My idea behind Christian Love Day is, like, the possibility of a second Valentine's Day.

'''Alec:''' It's like 10 days after the real Valentine's Day. Why would we need another Valentine's so soon?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] It's like we need more, it's like we need more reminders to love and care about each other.

'''Alec:''' Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, sponsored by corporations to sell shitty gift cards and disgusting fake sugar candies. It's not about love. It's just a stupid corporate holiday. If you want, if you want to really celebrate love, you can do it at any time. You don't need a holiday.

==Part 3==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|V5UxfjkaIsA}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[#Part 4|Part 4]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' It's to help us, help remind us to do so constant-, on a more constant basis.

'''Alec:''' Okay, so why your birthday? Why your birthday, of all the days in the year, why would you choose your birthday for this particular holiday? Unless it was about celebrating yourself.

'''Chris:''' Because it feels right.

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "it feels right"?

'''Chris:''' It feels like a good dr-, a good day to celebrate something.

'''Alec:'''Yeah. Like Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, Chris, just admit that you just want... You really think that you're so important, that you're so saintly and perfect, that you think your birthday should be a holiday. Just admit that to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, I am not saintly or perfect.

'''Alec:''' But you think that you're such an important person that your birthday should be a holiday. Admit it. It's about [[Chris and his ego|your ego]].

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I partially agree with you on that, but it's actually a lot more than just quote unquote ego.

'''Alec:''' What, what more could it be?

'''Chris:''' I am not sure right now because I cannot come up with the right, with the right ans-, with appropriate answer for that.

'''Alec:''' Well then, well then you shouldn't be trying to create a holiday... Chris, you shouldn't really be trying to do anything until after you've come up with a logical reason to do it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay well...

'''Alec:''' Countless times, countless times I've asked you why you do things, and you fall back on, "I'm not sure, it felt right." Or you use your emotions as an excuse, like when you brutally murdered me and Evan and Mao and Sean in your, in your sham mock trial. You know, [''mocking voice''] "because you were still angry about the ads!" Let's go back to that...

'''Chris:''' And another thing...

'''Alec:''' What, what other thing?

'''Chris:''' What, how you portray me and my, and my electric hedgehogs, even in a parodic way, as a, as a, as definitely mentally retarded for one characteristic.

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Chris, how many times have you...

'''Chris:''' And then brutally killing, killing us off like you did...

'''Alec:''' You brutally killed me.

'''Chris:''' And then, and selling, and sexually expliciting us like that.

'''Alec:''' Sexually ex-

'''Chris:''' Where you said all that first.

'''Alec:''' Oh, so that makes it okay for you to do anything? Chris, how many times... Okay, okay, you accuse me of making a parody, and I can't even begin to count the number of times I told you Asperchu's not a parody, but you accuse me of making a parody like it's such an evil thing, um, how many times have you fallen back on describing Sonichu as a parody of Sonic and Pikachu, when people ask you? And when you do it, it's a good thing, you use it as a defense against attacks by Nintendo and Sega and other companies. Why is it, when you think someone else is parodying you, um, shit hits the fan? Why is that, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, you have por-, you definitely have portrayed a sense of retardedness and stupidity and even worse in that sense. And then used, that came from me and my pages, and the videos, and put them in your book. Like, you definitely drew a dildo and a sports bra as among one of the things, as among two things that Asperchu was digging out of his chest in the first book.

'''Alec:''' Have you ever seen ''Team America''? You remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Yep. Yeah, I've seen that movie.

'''Alec:''' Did you like it?

'''Chris:''' It was okay.

'''Alec:''' You remember how they made Matt Damon retarded in that movie?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Well, they did.

'''Chris:''' Some of, some of those jokes do not hit me right away because they're not that, they're not that obvious to me. Or I don't know what's about the context of it. Like for example, the recent new ''Family Guy'' where Chris dates the Down's Syndrome girl, and then apparently the joke where she says "I'm the daughter of a former Alaskan...something."

'''Alec:''' Governor. It was Sarah Palin, Chris. It was about her.

'''Chris:''' Former Alaskan Senator, that was it.

'''Alec: ''' No, it was the governor.

'''Chris:''' But yeah, it was supposed to be, it was, I learned in an article in today's ''Washington Post'' that, uh, that apparently it was meant as an attack on Sarah Parin, and I did not know that when I first heard that.

'''Alec:''' Sarah P-A-L-I-N, actually.

'''Chris:''' But I was, at least I was, that was a general statement.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um, we're getting off on a wild tangent here. My question is, why is parody such a bad thing to you? When other people do it.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I do not understand half the question. Why is parody blind to me...?

'''Alec:''' Why do you think parody is bad when other people do it?

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

'''Chris:''' That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

'''Alec:''' It makes you feel better?! Chris, you're an adult, you really want people to kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, not all the time.

'''Alec:''' Why can't you learn to deal with...

'''Chris:''' I don't want, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like constant abuse.

'''Alec:''' What constant abuse?

'''Chris:''' And torment and slanders and cursings.

'''Alec:''' Oh, what torment and slander and cursing? Hey, Chris, okay, okay, you don't like slander? What about all the lies you've told about me? What about, okay, remember a while ago you made a video trying to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|hypnotize people into hating Asperchu]]? Like you spoke in backwards Spanish or something? Remember when you cursed me with the death threats?

'''Chris:''' And I apologized for that.

'''Alec:''' No, no, no, no, not, no, you're not getting away with that bullshit excuse this time, Chris. Okay? You can't just do things, do horrible things, and then offer a fake apology afterwards. That's not okay. That's not what apology is. You know, you claim to be a Christian, this is really, do you really think this is what God wants his children to do?

'''Chris:''' Hm. You're right, it is not something that, uh, God would like.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, you're not a Christian.

'''Chris:''' [''shifts to a grim, offended tone''] I am a Christian. I am a baptized practicing Methodist...

'''Alec:''' No, no you're not. You don't practice... Baptism doesn't mean shit. You don't even try to practice what Christianity teaches.

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, I don't have a total understanding of all the rules, and, uh...

'''Alec:''' Well, you can't be a very good Christian if you don't understand the rules.

'''Chris:''' Of course, there's a whole lots of, to memorize, and, and it's...

'''Alec:''' [''mockingly''] Yeah, religion is hard, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' ...and, what is, God does want, one of the things God wants us to do is not to worry about every single detail.

'''Alec:''' But you worry about every single... Oh, no, no, okay, no, that's not how it works. God wants you to follow the rules that he lays down. God wants you to try to be a good person. You don't even try to be a good person. You are completely selfish, and you do whatever you want, and you demand that other people go out of your way for you, to do things as you want them to. And then when someone starts pestering you, you offer a superficial apology and hope that smooths it all over. And then you draw a comic, you know, negating even that simple apology, where you threaten people and murder them in your comic. Thereby proving that you were just lying to the person who, you know, thought that you actually understood the point he was trying to get across. God condemns lying, you know.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Admit that you lied to me when you said, when you agreed with me that you didn't have a right to use Simonla. Admit that you have always believed that Simonla is yours.

 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I'll admit...that.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Okay, good, so all of our previous calls were just lies, then.

'''Chris:''' Not, no, not, no, they actually happened.

'''Alec:''' Yes, they happened, Chris, but your responses were lies. I know the phone calls happened in reality.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Anyway, uh, let me get back, anyway, uh, I don't mean to be all, but I want to get back to an early, to the earlier topic about, uh, what's wrong with you making a parody of a parody. Okay, well, okay, well, take a cue from what they did in one episode of ''Robot Chicken''.

'''Alec:''' I don't watch ''Robot Chicken'', so this reference means nothing to me.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, anyway, anyway, anyway, one...

'''Alec:''' Try explaining it to me without the use of TV references.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Consider a remake of a remake of an original movie! That was original as a blockbuster.

'''Alec:''' Okay... What about it? What about a remake of a remake?

'''Chris:''' It's not very good.

'''Alec:''' Sometimes they are. Sometimes remakes are better. Did you see the new ''Dawn of the Dead''? That was way better than the George Romero shit.

'''Chris:''' I have not, I have not seen either, I have not seen either ''Dawn of the Dead''.

'''Alec:''' You probably shouldn't, 'cause there's gore in it, and I know how much you hate that.

'''Chris:''' I don't mind, I don't mind gore, up to a certain point.

'''Alec:''' Well, obviously, given how gory your murder of me was. But, okay, I'm still having a little trouble understanding why, um, parody is okay when you do it, but not okay when someone else does it.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Hm.

'''Alec:''' Because you proudly proclaim Sonichu to be a parody, but at the same time you accuse other people of doing parodies like they're doing a bad thing.

'''Chris:''' [''more stalling''] Hm. Okay, well, think about this. How about if somebody did a parody to Asperchu?

'''Alec:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' And made him look even more stupid and more retarded, and actually brutally killed him in all the blood and gory detail! Or had him sexually raped in a prison cell of all dudes! How would you feel if you saw that?

'''Alec:''' Uh, I don't think I'd give a shit, honestly. I mean, if it was well-done, I might kinda laugh at it. If it was meant to be a funny parody. See, I don't take myself completely, I don't take myself completely seriously like you do. I can laugh at my own foibles and I can laugh at the foibles of my comic. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That is...a theory, yes. Though I am not one hundred per-, I'll, that is, a, a previous...

'''Alec:''' So you don't really agree with it, though? You don't think imitation is ever a good thing?

'''Chris:''' Not one hundred percent.

'''Alec:''' Because Sonichu's an imitation of Sonic. Then you must agree that Sonichu is a good thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, because it was, because it was originally meant in a positive light. But then I get all the inputs from the trolls and all that on the internets, and then that just plain ticks me off.

'''Alec:''' Okay, if the guy who created Sonic, I don't know what his name is, but if he came along and discovered your Sonichu comic, he would probably-

'''Chris:''' [''burps'']

'''Alec:''' -See that at least half of it is just you attacking trolls... I mean, the comic's not even really about Sonichu. It's about you, and it's about your war against trolls.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's to be undone because, because I, because I have just, after I finish with book number 10 I will be making less appearances in the book...

==Part 4==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9 Part 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|tJBHkJpv6B4}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
| next = current
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:'''-in the books, and then, and now it will be more about Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Are you gonna do that reboot that we talked about?

'''Chris:''' There will be a form of a reboot, yes.

'''Alec:''' Why did you do these pages, then, if you're gonna do a reboot?

'''Chris:''' I mean, I mean, if I'm gonna be making less appearances in the comics, I figure I may as well let myself go out with a bang.

'''Alec:''' Um, no, no, Chris, Chris, I explained to you, a reboot is a complete restart. What happens in the reboot will have nothing to do with the comics that you've made thus far. And you know, you said you had like 30 pages, you only uploaded like...16.

'''Chris:''' That was the amount I had to complete number, book number 10. And the book is completed.

'''Alec:''' You said you had like 30 pages.

'''Chris:''' Well, right now I just wanted to get book number 10 out of the way.

'''Alec:''' But you said you were going to have like 30 pages up on your birthday.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So you went back on your word again.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Well, I overestimated myself!

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "overestimated"? You said you had like 30 drawn and ready to be Photoshopped.

'''Chris:''' Well, just accept the fact that I had, I finished book number 10, and I had them all ready for Photoshop, and I uploaded them.

'''Alec:''' You know, if you have a deadline with a publisher and they're expecting 30 pages by a certain date, and you come to them and say, "Oh, yeah, here's 16 pages," they're not gonna be happy with you.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' And you didn't even upload them on your birthday, you uploaded them today. The day after. People who miss deadlines don't get paid.

'''Chris:''' Well, I had computer troubles.

'''Alec:''' Of course you had...

'''Chris:''' And I had to go out, and I had to go with my family to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday.

'''Alec:''' Sonichu is your job, Chris!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] That's another thing, you put them in the perspective of like, he's my job, it just makes me feel...

'''Alec:''' Well, you intend to make your huge money-making franchise, right? So yes, he is your job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah! And you don't take your job seriously!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, but you see, with that belief, with that definition, in the mentality of an artist, when the thing was originally supposed to be a work of art and creativity, then it just cheapens it.

'''Alec:''' Um, well, then, I could say it cheapened it when you started saying you intended to publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So what you're telling me now is, you have no intention of ever making money off Sonichu. Because if it is just a work of art for its own sake, that's fine. But you keep promising, you know, deadlines that you miss, and you keep saying you're gonna publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Do you not want to make money off Sonichu anymore?

'''Chris:''' No, I would like to make money off of Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Well, okay. You're cheapening it, then, it's not a work of art anymore.

'''Chris:''' Because I had too many influx from bad people like the trolls!

'''Alec:''' What the hell do trolls have to do with it, Chris?

'''Chris:''' And also from, and also from...

 '''Alec:'''I have you as a troll, and my comic kept going just fine.

 '''Chris:''' And also from...

'''Alec:''' And how do trolls control what goes in the comic? Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] It's when they really tick me off, and then it just, it just, it's like putting, [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|it's like putting poison into the water supply]].

'''Alec:''' Why do you keep responding to trolls, then?

'''Chris:''' [''mega-sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And another thing, you have a really broad definition of "trolls," it seems. Because you think that people that ask you questions you don't like in your Mailbag are trolls. You think homosexual people are trolls just for existing, because you want to cure gays.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I think the ironic thing there is, gays would probably consider you a troll. Because you want to destroy their identity when they haven't done anything to you.

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh'']

'''Alec:''' You think I'm a troll, and I've been trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry, sometimes things are, I have been trying to collaborate, I get misunderstood often, and it just really makes me feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm being misunder-

[''Call cuts off'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|nextlink=Current|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTkyWTduZ0JXOXc The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ae7T05cIJQ YouTube Version: Part 1]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call

2015-08-25T15:56:23Z

Meester Siemen: Added missing "chats and calls" Navigation template for easier navigation

{{quote|Take your problems head on. Do not fucking dodge them. I just read that from a fortune cookie. Except I added the fucking part because Chinese people don't curse a lot.|Jack Thaddeus, His Holiness the Dalai Lama}}

{{quote|[''[[Stress sigh|sigh]]''] My blood is not made of gravy.|Chris, shattering the basis of every belief that we've ever held about him}}

In [[December 2009]], [[Jack Thaddeus]] called [[Chris]], to discuss the recent events involving Chris's statements about [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]], [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]].

Most of the call, Jack reprimands Chris and tells him he has a problem with making his [[comic]]s, his [[health]] and his [[mailbag]]. Chris remains monosyllabic and uninterested throughout, except to silence Jack with two fairly solid burns. Rather than angering Chris, this call seems to have inflicted a lot of [[stress]] on Chris, which will cause him to take a [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|Power Nap]].

It's important to note that this is the first time we see Chris actually being able to counter-insult properly. While some may see this as proof that he is, in fact, growing as a person, the laws of probability state that if a person continuously rambles off ridiculously stupid statements, there is a minute possibility that one of them will actually come out as really clever. He then proves this by apologizing.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' I'm just replying to-
 '''Jack:''' I'm pissed at you! No! Shut up, I'm pissed at you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, is this because I haven't picked up?
 '''Jack:''' No- well, yes! That's actually- you get a point. Okay, you get- you get a gold star, just like you would if you were in a retard class, which you probably were in, because, well, you're Chris. Anyways, um, so, yeah, apparently, you're all butthurt about people calling you- saying that you have Asperger's which is pretty funny considering that, you know, it pisses you off, so-
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack:''' What-what? What? What?
 '''Chris:''' I'm like, whatever. It's a mislabel.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, oh! No, it's cute. It's cute! You think that- you think that Asperger's- people with Asperger's are trying to take the quote/unquote “limelight” away from people with [[autism]]. What- how- why... why is that- that's like saying, "People with cancer are trying to take the limelight away from people with AIDS," ...although, you'd probably like that considering you hate the [[homos]].
 '''Chris:''' Maybe.
 '''Jack:''' You know a friend of mine has AIDS. He's gay.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel bad for him. And he has my sympathy- he has my pity.
 '''Jack:''' But he's gay Chris!
 '''Chris:''' I know. I, uh- I assumed that because you know, you said he had gay- he had AIDS.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you assume- you assume that everybody that has AIDS is gay. Wow. Wow, Chris. Wow, that's- way to fuckin', you know, fall into the fuckin' pit of stupid. You know, a lot of people have AIDS, not just gay people. Actually, more straight people have AIDS than gay people. But, anyways, I'm pissed at you for multiple reasons. First of all, the comic sucks. Second of all, the video you did sucks. You know, [[Vivian]]'s been yelling at me saying I'm interfering; I'm interfering. I didn't do shit, okay? So, you know. That- that bitch is crazy, so you know. Also, you didn't fuckin' answer my letter that I sent to you.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I haven't found your letter.
 '''Jack:''' I told you!
 '''Chris:''' I checked in the mailbag and I-
 '''Jack:''' Because you went and put it in rejected, you dumb shit!
 '''Chris:''' I did not put it in [[Rejected Mailbag]]- I did not- I did not find anything from Jack Thad- from you.
 '''Jack:''' I- I told you it was in the name "David Crass"! You really think I'm stupid enough to put my name as Jack Thaddeus?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, wait, okay, okay, I just found it. Okay, I just found it.
 '''Jack:''' Now read it out to me. Read it out to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. “Dear Chris, why is [[Rosechu]] so useless?”
 '''Jack:''' Now answer it. Why is she so useless?
 '''Chris:''' Well, she is not useless.
 '''Jack:''' [''laughter''] Okay, okay, so, so what did she do in the last, uh, comic? In this- in this comic right here.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] She took down some Punislavs and some [[Jerkops]]... with her lightning blade.
 '''Jack:''' Everybody else was doing that. Her lightning- no, and then she got kidnapped! How is it that she's able to apparently fight these people, and then suddenly get kidnapped.
 '''Chris:''' It just happened. It happened from behind her. She does not have eyes in the back of her head.
 '''Jack:''' It just happened. Oh! She got taken from behind. I see that's- she got taken from... [''trails off''] Also Punislavs? That's kinda- Slavs, you know that Slavs are an ethnic group? That's kinda I'm just saying Chris-
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] Well, would you rather I called it a “slave?”
 '''Jack:''' Yes, that might be nice. That might be nice. What, you think that all black- that "slaves"- that "slave" has suddenly become a bad word? It makes more sense, Chris. If they're fuckin'- God dammit. You know what? You know what? You know what, you should be talking to Vivian about this shit, because I'm just saying. I mean- but, anyways. Why is Rosechu not a useless piece of shit? And also, why is your plot so fucking convoluted and unnecessarily complicated? You make characters, and then you retcon them into the fucking story, and then they disappear. They play no role.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] They did play a role; they helped in defending the city of [[CWCville]].
 '''Jack:''' That's not a fucking- okay, okay, you seem to have a problem with storytelling. CWCville- the defense of CWCville doesn't mean shit if there's no story, and you need certain main characters. A bunch of fucking secondary characters doesn't do shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, [[Sonichu]] is a main- Sonichu and Rosechu are the main characters.
 '''Jack:''' Then why do you have so many fucking other characters? The only character I like is [[Punchy]] Sonichu, and that's because he reminds me of Clyde. [''long pause''] What?
 '''Chris:''' Nothing. Nothing. Anyway... Mmm.
 '''Jack:''' People told you that that picture of that Guido wasn't Clyde, but you didn't listen. Remember back then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you're- that was just one of- that was- that was actually... fucking comedy gold, man. I- I- I am actually not- I actually- I'm proud of you for not listenin' to, ya know, advice of other people, and, you know, just- just being the ''dumb shit'' that you are and just making that video of you, having a picture of that Guido from the Jersey shore. Ahaha. Ohh... You're a funny guy, Chris. But, okay, I'll- I'll...
 [''Chris makes a noise to make sure that we still know he has a pulse'']
 '''Jack:''' You can, you know- I'm- we're gonna have- we're not- I'm not hanging up. We're having our talk right now, Chris, so don't- don't fuckin' try and rush me, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' 'Cuz I- I can hear you, you know, fucking... shifting around and going [''at this point, Jack makes raptor noises''], like you're fucking... getting tortured, okay? So don't get antsy with me.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not doing- I'm not making any noises.
 '''Jack:''' I- I- no, I- I hear you. I hear you, Chris... you know.
 '''Chris:''' You're listening to the radio in the background.
 '''Jack:''' Why- who the fuck still listens to radio?! I mean, I- I li- I listen to NPR, but, you know, otherwise, who the fuck cares?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well- well, that's John Tesh.
 '''Jack:''' Who the fuck is John Tesh?! Sounds like a fag!
 [''after a pause, they simultaneously say "Anyways...", and, afterward, Chris quietly sighs'']
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you fucker! Anyways- God!- parkour: eh, you seem to really not understand parkour.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You really... don't understand- seem to understand- [''sigh''] you know what? Yeah, you- I don't... hmm... Why don't ''you'' explain stuff to me, Chris? I- I'd like to- I'd like to know what you... think would be passing as, uhh, you know... you know... parkour?
 '''Chris:''' I did not understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' [''quietly to himself''] That was actually pretty funny. Umm... what is parkour?
 '''Chris:''' Par-core: to my interpretation... it is a style of running. Running from one point to another... yes, with jumps... and along the walls, and other things.
 '''Jack:''' Mmm... that's- you interpreted it wrong. It's- well... yeah, you got it then; you got it when you add the... jumping on the walls and shit. It's- but, then again... what you said you were doing was "Parkay", which- Parkay a brand of butter, so, you know, [''Chris begins to interrupt''] seeing that you're a fat load of-
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well- ok- well-
 '''Jack:''' '''Hey!''' Do not fucking do that!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forgot- I... had trouble remembering what the word was.
 '''Jack:''' You know- you know- Chris, settle down. It's not ''nice'' to interrupt ''people''.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' Your parents really failed... at teaching you manners.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... well... please continue.
 '''Jack:''' ''Yous'' called it Parkay. Now that's hilarious, because... Parkay is a brand of butter, and you're like butter in that you're a fat piece of shit.
 [''Chris gives one of his infamous sighs, which Jack then mocks'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forg- I-
 '''Jack:''' You really- do you really think- do you really think you're healthy? Do you ''really'' think- do ''you'' think you're healthy?
 '''Chris:''' I could be healthier.
 '''Jack:''' You could be healthier? Okay, yeah... you could be healthier if your fuckin' blood wasn't made of gra''vy''.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] My blood is not made of gravy.
 '''Jack:''' It's not? It's not. Then why... why do you... have to take four fucking breaks in... the video, just running for ten minutes? I can run for ten minutes without taking a break, and I can then go up a flight of stairs, after running ten minutes without a break, and make it to the top... you know, faster than you did.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, then.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty fucking awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' You gonna admit that I'm awesome?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand that question.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, I- I- I was just- oh, are you physically fit?
 '''Chris:''' I will admit that I could be bette- I could be more fit.
 '''Jack:''' I want you to admit that you are fat, and that you have a problem, and that you need to work on it. [''strange noises of discombobulation''] Never mind, I'm- I'm pretty sure you and... [[Kim]] (???)- she's all- alright with that, because she seems like the type that would, you know... be a... fuckin'... you know, bossy-boss. But are you fit, Chris? Yes or no.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' Do not say- good. Good, we got somewhere. You are fat. Now... that's the first step in ''fixing'' the problem. Now, you actually have to ''do something'', and by "something", I mean "get out of the house and"- nah, never mind; I don't give a shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Uhh, I don't know... [[Vivian]] is... gonna be pissed, and, you know... I'm just saying.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, my bad.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... I want you to... stop rejecting... mail that you don't like.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You- these are your fans, Chris; you shouldn't be fucking pushing them around like this... and actin' like, ya know, just because they say something that you don't agree with, their... opinions suddenly don't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You know, so.... Vivian is trying to help you, but you don't- you seem to have a problem with taking advice.
 '''Chris:''' I have been taking advice- the advice of Vivian.
 '''Jack''': No, you haven't. [''interruption battle ensues''] You've been- you've been- okay, here's your version of-
 '''Chris:''' O- okay, well I- okay, well, I need to dispel- I need to-
 '''Jack''': ''Chris''!
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupts quietly''] Okay.
 '''Jack''': What have I told you about interrupting?!
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, I was- I wa- I was sayin' somethin', then, uhh, you started sayin' somethin', so, okay... Continue.
 '''Jack''': Trials and advertisements make... you- trials and adversities make stronger; take your problems head-on; do not fucking dodge them.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': I just read that... from a fortune cookie.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Except I added the "fucking" part, because-
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Chinese people don't curse a lot.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Actually, they do, but... I don't know. They- they curse in Chinese... something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay.
 '''Jack''': How much do you care about Sonichu? [''disgruntled noise of frustration''] Okay! Now I am pissed, Chris, because I know what you're doing; you're just- you're not even listening! There's more-
 '''Chris:''' I am listening to you.
 '''Jack''': No, you're just saying, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Uhm-hmm. Yeah." You... I've heard you do this before.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I ''have'' been listening to you.
 '''Jack''': Hi(?), I remember when you did this with ''Clyde''. You just sit there and just, like, go, "Uhm-hmm. Uhm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Mm." Do I do a good impression of you? I think I do. I'm- I think it's pretty spot-on. So...
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack''': 'Member when- that's not a fuckin' respo-nse!
 '''Chris:''' That did go on (?).
 '''Jack''': Okay. He- remember when he tried to get you to go to Redmond... and you didn't go?
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Jack''': You didn't go, because you don't give a ''shit'' about Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' No, I didn't go, because I thought it was [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3175/3084105453_476453cd30.jpg?v=0|a trap].
 '''Jack''': How could it be a trap? For what?
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack''': Do you think Clyde would-
 '''Chris:''' My mom thought it wa- my mom thought it was a trap. My dad thought it was a trap.
 '''Jack''': No, you thought it was a trap!
 '''Chris:''' And th-
 '''Jack''': Mom and Dad don't give a shit about what you do with Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' And then we realized that the- that the e-mails from Mr. Mayamoto came from Mail.com, which is where anybody could pretend to be somebody else.
 [''at this point, Jack basks in the silence of the rare occurrence of having been owned by Chris'']
 '''Jack''': Eh... Well... Miyamoto-
 '''Chris:''' Of course, you know, my family is concerned of my safety, so there you go.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know ''why'' they threw me out?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
 [''Chris is now officially on a roll'']
 '''Jack''': Oooh! That earns you... two more gay ads! ...You little sassy-
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': thingy... guy. You gonna apologize?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm apologizing. I apologize for that. Okay, I-
 '''Jack''': No, say, "I'm sorry." Hey, "I am sorry."
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Jack''': Well... they kicked me out because I- because, you know... I have like five other brothers, or something. I don't know. I have a lot of... people in house.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. So it was overcrowded.
 '''Jack''': Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Just like your house, except it's not full of people; it's full of shit that you don't need! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh... we have fun, don't we, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Well, you are, anyway.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' And I am not going to interrupt.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... grow some balls, get some initiative, ''fucking'' promote the ''shit'' out of Sonichu...
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': ...Vivian's gonna rape me... with the... strap-on, because she's crazy- oh, wait, I was reading an e-mail. Umm... yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Just do whatever Vivian says, and... I'll be calling you soon, and... you don't fucking abuse your fans. Like, they're, you know- you don't have a lot of them, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Also, go to Redmond. Because, you know-
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, I- eventually, I will.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, I- so... Oh, also- also, don't piss of your Asperger friends, 'cuz, you know, they're fuckin'... crazy-ass niggers.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. So... any other thoughts?
 '''Jack''': Alright. Uhh... you're fat.
 '''Chris:''' Oka- oka- okay, I guess we're done here...?
 '''Jack''': Yep. Bye-bye.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, take care. [[Christmas|Merry Christmas]].
 '''Jack''': Merry Christmas to you, Fatty Fatfat!

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|First]]|nextlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]|}}

==See also==
*[[Kacey Phone Call]]
*[[Father Call]]
*[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBT2t4ZVZkVG1DZzQ/edit?usp=sharing Download link]

[[Category: Jack Thaddeus Phone Calls]]

{{FanChats}}