CWCki - User contributions [en]

CWC Update 26 January 2009

2021-06-27T16:16:18Z

Methalowiec: /* Transcript */

"'''CWC Update 26 January 2009'''" (officially "'''CWCUpdate01262009'''").

After weeks of talking about collaborating with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Chris]] disappeared from the internet for several days around the time that he was scheduled to meet with Miyamoto in Redmond, Washington. Speculation grew that Chris was actually attempting to make this cross-country journey, until he finally posted this video, claiming to have just returned. Somehow, you can just tell he hasn't even left his house since his last video.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 26 January 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fLOOG2_czZ8}}
| stardate = 26 [[January 2009]]
| saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenYellowBlackStripe|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 30 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 30 January 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I just got ''back!'' I sent m’self to Redmond.}}

=== Transcript ===

January 26th, 2009.

I just got ''back!'' I sent m’self to Redmond.

It was a good trip! Flew all the way there and… all the way back. [[Mass debating|Boy, my arms are tired!]] That's an old joke. Pfft! Mmm.... [''Chris is lost for a moment in appreciation of his own shitty delivery of a tired, old joke.'']

Anyway… the pro—anyway, the, uh, S—S—video—[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu]]: The Video Game project: it's all… ''off'' the ground… and it's all ''progressing''. I am not at—at liberty to discuss it any further beyond that, as I have made the agreement… with Mr. Miyamoto upon such.

''But''… it ''does'' mean… [''clears throat''] that I will be ''more busy''… between drawing comics… and, uh, talking business with Mr. Miyamoto.

So, with that, I'll be—uh… un—I'll be unable to, uh, come into a chat room as often, but… I trust my loyal Sonichu [[fans]]… to ignore any false rumors that are against me or Sonichu.

Remember: you hear it from the man's mouth himself. ''I'm'' straight. Most every—most—e—''all every hero''… in the ''comic''… is ''straight''. Got one that's a… [''shudders and hums some word instead of saying it'']… would be [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|the evil twin]].

''My'' evil twin. Phbt!

But… ''he gets [[Chris and religion|damned to Hell]], anyway!''

Anyway… that's it for now, and, uh… I'll be able to—uh… t—and, uh, hopefully, I will try to answer as many e-mails as possible… at my earliest convenience, within my… busy hours.

Thank you very much for your patience! Have a good d—

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-01-26]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-26]]
[[Category:Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-26]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-01-26]]

Guwange

2021-06-06T20:02:47Z

Methalowiec: Redirected page to Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys

#REDIRECT [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]

CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

2021-06-06T20:00:43Z

Methalowiec:

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|Welcome to the world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]].]]

'''Welcome, new Christorian.'''

New people are being initiated to the horrors of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s world every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran [[troll]] might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about the internet's favorite manchild.

==Trolling==

; Is Chris a [[troll]]? Is the whole thing a hoax?
: '''No.''' The verified documentation on Chris and his entire life is far too complete and detailed for it to be a reverse-troll setup. There are news reports from his childhood confirming his autism (see [[Chris in the media]]). There are [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|two]] [[University of Virginia#UVA student on Chris|different]] blogs about Chris's behavior that were published before Chris came to a wider attention on the Internet. [[Sonichu]] has existed since [[2000]]. Phone calls have been made to Chris's parents and his [[Rocky Shoemaker call|pastoral counselor]]. When Chris was [[28 October 2011|arrested and convicted]] of a felony, he acted as he does online [[This is how the Trial went|even in court]], and accidentally [[Destruction Of Chris's House|set fire to]] [[14 Branchland Court|his house]] in real life as well.

; How can you get off taunting an [[autistic]] guy?
: The CWCki itself is not involved in any trolling; it merely documents Chris's life in detail. Most modern Chris observers, having seen the [[Idea Guys|extreme damage]] that some trolls could wreak, hold a dim view of [[weening|contemporary trolling efforts]]. The motivations of Chris's trolls over the years has varied, but few had any interest in tormenting him simply for having a mental problem. Some former trolls have even [[BlueSpike#Today|expressed regret]] for taking things too far in their younger years.

:Chris is notorious on the Internet as a [[Nudes|perverse]], [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|disgu]][[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|sting]], [[Chris and the Law|quarrelsome]], [[Chris and Anger|mean-spirited]], [[Chris and Reality|delusional]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[Niggos|intol]][[Women's rights|erant]], [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Chris and death|unsympathetic]], [[Bob Chandler|ungrateful]], [[Manchester High School#Graduation|jealous]], [[The GAMe PLACe|kid-scaring]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|troll-feeding]], [[Chris and Religion|heretical]], [[Death Threats|spiteful]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|cruel]], [[Autism Tutorial Extra|hate]][[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|ful]], [[Chris and work|sullen]], [[Kick the Autistic|antagonistic]], [[Chris and Art|completely]] [[Chris and Writing|and]] [[Chris and Music|utterly]] [[Spanish|untalented]] [[Parody|thi]][[Things Chris has ripped off|ef]] and all-around failure who wastes his [[United States|countrymen]]'s hard-earned [[Monthly tugboat|tax money]] on [[video games]] and [[sex toys]] while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities. On top of that Chris was, for a time, incredibly responsive to trolling, adding fuel to the fire by producing many videos in which he [[tard rage|raged]] at the camera as a result of trolling; this no doubt gave many trolls significant motivation.

:However, before you want to inflict harm upon Chris and claiming that how Chris gives you [[Autism|autistics]] 'a bad name', please read the [[A-Logging]] and [[Weening]] articles.

; Why don't you try helping him instead?
: [[Vivitheg|Many]] [[Jackie|people]] [[Clyde Cash|better]] [[Alec Benson Leary calls|than]] [[Sarah May|you]] have tried over the years and they have all accomplished [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|nothing]]. See the [[White knight]] article for reasons for and against ''trying'' to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, he refuses to listen. Even his [[Anna McLerran|actual friends]] cannot help him.

; Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?
: '''All efforts to troll Chris are ''very strongly discouraged'''''. The effects of Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]]'s death, his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s ill-health and, most recently, the [[Idea Guys]]' deliberately manipulative trolling operations against him have left Chris's grasp on [[Chris and reality|reality]] tenuous at best; with various [[enablers]] making it even worse. Relating to this is how he is [[Weening#The Chris of today is nothing like his former self|now a very, ''very'' different person]] from who he was when the trolling was at its peak, and only sees such attempts to provoke him as indirect support for his current worldview; so it's not even worth bothering with if you're going into it expecting to get [[Laughs Under Lucricities|amusing reactions]] along the lines of the past. For some time, the [[Kiwi Farms]] community, with which this wiki is associated, maintained a {{plain link|https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lunatics-who-attack-a-mentally-handicapped-person.35124/|wall of shame}} for [[weening|those]] who seek to disrupt Chris and entertain nobody; and even now, will actively go after anyone who attempts to do so. Times have changed; so keeping all this in mind, you'll be far better off just sticking with [[CWCki|casual observation]] and helping to [[CWCki:Improvement|document and provide information]] on occurrences as they come.

==Psychology==

; Is he seeing a psychiatrist or therapist?
: '''No.''' Chris was legally required in [[2018]], among other things, to attend psychological therapy as an alternative to [[Chris and the law#2018|conviction]] after trespassing. Since 23 April 2019, he has fulfilled this obligation and no longer has any professional help. Chris dismisses the idea of seeking professional help, preferring to [[A Moment With Dr Wolf Chris Chan and Greater Struggles|administer it to himself using Lego]]. See [[Chris and psychology]].

; Is he really autistic?
: '''Yes.''' Based on a cursory [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]] from [[2004]], Chris was diagnosed with autism (DSM-IV 299.00) as a young child. See [[Autism]]. However, his common qualifying phrase ''high-functioning'' means only that he is not [[slow-in-the-minds|mentally retarded]]; the phrase is not formally part of the diagnosis.

; Does he have [[Asperger's syndrome]]?
: '''It depends''' on what counts as ''having'' Asperger's. He has never been formally diagnosed with it, he has never claimed to have it, and in fact, he angrily rejects the label. Among institutions that still distinguish between autism and Asperger's, of which many do not, Asperger's syndrome is distinguished from severer varieties of autism by average intelligence and adequate language ability, matching Chris. Dr Asperger's work was in German, and not known to Anglophone psychiatrists until the early [[1990s]]; Chris probably would have received this diagnosis instead were he born a few years later.

; Is he [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]]?
: '''No.''' A more proper word for what Chris is maybe ''inept''. He managed to graduate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]] and obtain a [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license]]. Chris does understand the consequences of his actions, has a consistent (albeit warped and [[Chris and his ego|self-serving]]) ethical system and recognises when what he is doing is not working (though he chooses to pin the blame on [[Greene County Conspiracy|external]] [[trolls|forces]] or go about his way anyway). His foolishness is in that he has very little common sense, which may be attributed (along with the [[autism|obvious]]) to excessive parental sheltering, and that after years of internet manipulation, his ability to distinguish [[Chris and reality|reality]] from fantasy has wasted away.

; What is Chris's IQ?
: '''Higher than 70,''' since he isn't mentally retarded. In [[Mailbag 19]] and [[Mailbag 21]], he claimed to have taken an IQ test at a [[Chesterfield County]] institute, most likely as a teenager. He received an IQ of 150. In [[Mailbag 22]], a commenter pointed out that he may have taken the Cattell IQ test (150 on the Cattell is 130 on the standard scale), unless he was outright lying. An IQ of 130 is above average, but not genius material. Also, IQ doesn't measure [[Honor roll|what you've learned]], [[Kindness|empathy]], social skills, or other areas that count towards real-world success.

; Is Chris schizophrenic?
: '''No.''' While autism and schizophrenia share some symptoms, their development is nothing like each other. Autism is inborn and shows in early childhood, while schizophrenia usually appears well into adulthood. Schizophrenia's symptoms often deteriorate over time, while autism's are normally constant through life (except for a few children who relapse into non-verbosity). <abbr title="Inability to distinguish reality from fantasy.">Psychosis</abbr> and confused language are common to both, but take different forms: schizophrenics may hear voices or otherwise hallucinate and think disjointedly (whence the name), while autists understand others' normal language literally, missing the subtext that something fictional is not meant to be taken seriously, and presuming their own thoughts automatically clear to others.

==Sex==
; Is Chris an <abbr title="Involuntary celibate">incel</abbr>?
: '''No''', but his beliefs and actions overlapped significantly with what is now the incel community. The word ''incel'' only entered common use about [[2017]].<ref>[https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&q=incel Global search trends for ''incel'']</ref> Chris described himself long before this as a [[virgin with rage]], even bringing up the term in casual conversations with people he just met. He would speak of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s, the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], and even a conspiracy that [[Virginia is for virgins|true love were illegal in his home state]]. He viewed his search for a suitable mate as the [[Love Quest]], and has even written [[So Need a Cute Girl|songs]] about how other [[JERKS]] (men) take all the pretty [[sweetheart]]s. While he has lost his virginity to a [[Mia Hamm|prostitute]], he has not been in a relationship that led to sex, and his Love Quest only ended when he destroyed his libido through [[Chris and health#Hormone treatment|self-administered oestrogen]] and [[polyamorous marriage|''married'']] his [[OC]]s by early 2018. While it would be anachronistic to call him an incel, as his Love Quest was already dead by the time the word and community became current, he certainly behaved like them years before.

; Why didn't he hire a prostitute earlier?
: For the majority of his [[love quest]], Chris refused to hire a hooker. The reasons varied: prostitutes are not [[TRUE and HONEST]] love, they are [[Chris and money|expensive]], and Chris is afraid of STDs<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>. His ideal sex partner would also do all the work around [[14 Branchland Court|the house]], give him her income to spend on video games, and otherwise serve as his replacement [[Barb|mother]]—all of which a prostitute would be unwilling to do. When some prostitutes were sent to his house in early [[2009]], he cried.<ref>[[Hooker incident]]</ref> However, as his thirties approached, he got more lenient about his policy towards hookers. He once tried to solicit the services of a prostitute by phone, and tried to get a discount by offering the chance of deflowering him and telling his life story; the prostitute hung up on him.<ref>[[Chris and sex|#Prostitution]]</ref> In [[April 2012]] though, Chris claimed on [[Facebook]] that he lost his virginity to [[Mia Hamm|a hooker]] who complimented him on the size of his penis.<ref>[[:File:Virginbreaker.png]]</ref>

; Is he [[homos|gay]], straight, or [[bisexual]]?
: This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there is no consensus on this. For most of his adult life, Chris acted as though he was attracted to women. On the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked. In [[2018]], while under the [[Idea Guys]]' manipulative influence, Chris was [[brainwashed]] into believing he was [[bisexual]], and was [[polyamorous marriage|married to several of his (mostly male) fictional characters]], retaining these beliefs long after the Idea Guys were ousted, yet has made no attempts to get into a relationship with a real-life man. [[Jacob Sockness]] attempted to groom Chris into a relationship but Chris ultimately distanced himself from Sockness. Some consider that Chris is too immature to have earnest sexual preference (see ''Is Chris asexual?'', below.)

; Is he a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]]?
: '''Yes.''' Chris had tweeted in [[2018]]  that he is one. Traditionally he would state that he did not consider himself to be one,<ref>[[Sarah_Reveals_Herself#Chris_tries_to_leave|Chris admits to Sarah May that he is slightly turned on by Rosechu, though he maintains he is not a furry.]]</ref> yet it was clear from an early period that he did enjoy [[:File:Chris-chan_Traced.JPG|porn]] of anthropomorphic characters, even [[Rule 34|drawing his own]] into [[Sonichu 8|his]] [[Giant Penis Comic|comics]]. He also identifies with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|several]] [[Sonichu (character)|anthropomorphic]] [[Robbie|avatars]]. Although he does not regularly wear fur-suits, he did once dress up as [[ECV 00002|Chris-Chan Sonichu]], the anthropomorphic form he takes on his comic series. He may find it easier to draw and relate to cartoon characters over humans, yet he does not participate in the wider furry community.

; Is he a [[pedofork|pedophile]]?
: '''No''', but people imply otherwise to troll him. One of the few kind things [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] said about Chris in a [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|troll Q&A thread]] was that he probably wasn't a pedophile and that people are trying too hard with that. He ''has'' stated he would like to [[Mailbag 3#In which Chris advises Hitler to keep his Promises|lower his state's legal age of consent to sixteen]] and created a sexualized 14 year old Sonichu character in the form of [[Zapina]], but these actions are more likely due to a childish mindset and an inability to move past [[high school]] than latent pedophilia.

; Is Chris transgender?
: '''Yes.''' As of 2015, Chris identifies as [[transgender]]. He had explored his gender identity for years beforehand stemming from gender dysphoria issues, in 2011 identifying as a "tomgirl" (identifying as male and crossdressing as a woman); in 2014, identifying as [[August_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_comes_out...kinda|Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser]] and as a lesbian; and identifying as female and transgender in 2015 when he began referring to himself as a "trans woman" and "Christine" and legally changed his name and gender in [[2016]]. Well before [[2011]], when Chris first called himself a tomgirl, he had been known to wear miniskirts, [[Muscle_bra|bras]], and panties. On multiple occasions, he had worn female clothing [[Forgot the Glitter|in public]].

; Is Chris asexual?
: This is another hotly contested issue to which there is no clear answer. Some claim that Chris is not truly interested in sexual relations, but feels that sex is something which a "grown up" is required to do. Chris's desire to lose his [[virgin with rage]] status may have simply been an urge to undergo what he saw as a traditional rite of passage into adulthood. It is clear that Chris's sex drive was atypical even before beginning hormone replacement therapy in [[2016]], evidenced by the fact that he did not discover [[masturbation]] until he was sixteen and even as an adult only engaged in the activity twice a week. On the other hand, much of Chris's adult life has been spent in the pursuit of a sex partner and his comic characters are [[Sonichu 8|highly sexual]]. It is worth noting that a moderately common autistic symptom is difficulty or inability to be intimate with another person.

==''Sonichu''==
; What's the deal with [[Sonic]], anyway?
: Chris has always liked family-friendly games in particular, and [[1993|many years ago,]] was one of two winners of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sega contest]] which, through its grand prize of a $1000 {{w|KB Toys|Kay-Bee Toys}} shopping spree, allowed him to stock up on various ''Sonic'' titles. For some reason, the ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' series in general also appears to have certain qualities that attract autistic fans more than other game series.

; Where can I find the uncensored images from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]?
: For those who may be curious, they are located [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|here]].

; Will he ever draw more [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]?
: '''Yes!''' Chris stopped drawing comics in [[February 2010]]; but in 2014 he took up creating custom drawings for [[eBay]] sale, including a nine-page work in [[November 2014]] depicting a relationship between Mimi Rosechu and Robbee Sonichu, and began a continuation of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] in [[September 2015]]. As of 2019, he has reached [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], but some earlier issues are unfinished.

==Contact Chris==
; I want to e-mail Chris and pretend to be [[Megan]]/[[Jimmy Hill]]/[[Jesus]]/[[Michael Snyder]]. Can I have his e-mail?
: It's ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, but Chris does not read e-mails from people he doesn't already know.<ref>[[Kacey Call 23]]: "I don't even bother to open their e-mails. So I just expand on the e- on the sender's address and then add them to my block list."</ref>.

; What are his dox?
: Chris's dox can be found [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|here]].

==The CWCki itself==
; Does the CWCki exaggerate Chris's antics?
: The editors here try their hardest to paint an accurate picture of Chris's life, but that is sometimes difficult due to the subject matter. For various good reasons, the CWCki is largely from Chris's point of view: information presented here is what Chris acknowledges to be true. Trolls are merely players on the stage that is Chris's life. It is probably best to understand the world of Chris as he understands it, much as it is best to understand a fictional world from the point of view of its characters, rather than the underlying reality of it. In other words, while Chris's reactions to events are real and the documentation of the reactions are indeed real, the situations and characters that provoke these reactions are contrived.

: For transparency's sake, the CWCki discloses such discrepancies from reality using Protip boxes.

; What's the deal with ''Chris and''? What is a saga?
: The CWCki has a few series that tie it all together. You can think of them as the skeleton, bloodstream, and nervous system of the site.
:* The [[Chris and]] series. This series is purely topical – it discusses subjects as they relate to Chris, regardless of the time period. These are the things that make Chris Chris. Such topics range from Chris's relationship with [[Chris and art|art]] and [[Video games|gaming]], to his [[health|physical]] and [[Coping|mental health]].
:* The [[Saga]] page. It describes the major events in Chris's life from the womb to the modern world, but still takes a topical approach, looking at arcs and happenings in Chris's existence.
:* The [[CWChronology]]: purely chronological as its name suggests. Here, you can learn Chris's entire story from start to now, even including events from before his conception.
; What happened to the tagline ''Where no shit is too minor''?
: The tagline was retired on 20 December 2019, because there was a significant increase in people trying to influence Chris. Many of them fall into one of the ''[[Unholy Tetrad]]'':
:* [[White Knights]] – people who feel sorry for Chris, and try to help Chris, often without realising that getting Chris to halt his [[Chris and his Ego|self-destructive lifestyle]] is going to take a lot more than [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Chris explains why he won't get a job|a message]] on social media, or a [[Patreon]] donation.
:* [[A-Logging|A-logs]] – people who express disproportionate hatred for Chris, often wishing [[Destruction Of Chris's House|misery]] or physical harm on him.
:* [[Enablers]] – people who encourage Chris’s negative habits. Some White Knights find themselves having to do this to get in touch with Chris. Some weens have also found themselves doing this to purposefully screw him up.
:* [[Weens]] – people who try to ruin Chris’s life, often by trying to get him [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from places that he visits, or pure [[Idea Guys#Extortion|extortion]].

; Why does the CWCki continue to refer to Chris by his old name and pronouns?
:*The simplest reason for this is consistency. The CWCki has thousands of articles, and it would be an impossible, arduous task to change every "he" to "she" throughout Chris's entire existence, plus it's effectively [[Retcon|historical revisionism]].
:*Some articles require the context of Chris's maleness. References to Chris's orientation and past hatred of [[gay]] men won't be as obvious if we didn't address Chris by his assigned gender. Same thing with atypical/feminine behavior (such as his high voice and use of "Gal-Pals"), and behavior considered creepy for guys but not so much for women (such as getting [[Megan|touchy-feely]]).
:*Using "he" pre-transition and "she" post-transition may seem like a fair compromise, but the exact beginning of Chris's transition is hard to define. It can be confusing on articles that cover Chris both before and after his transition, such as the [[Chris and]] series. Dissenting users have also suggested using "(s)he" or "they", but Chris doesn't use they/them pronouns either, and "(s)he" looks clunky.
:*Community consensus. YouTube and Twitter commentators overwhelmingly call Chris male, as do some [[Sachumo|documentarians]]. While Chris did receive a legal name/gender change, there's considerable debate in the community as to whether he is a genuine trans woman. CWC communities, such as [[Kiwi Farms]], tend to "misgender" trans people in general. [[Null]] said he refers to Chris as "he" because he "carries male genetics" and insisted that he was a straight male most of his life. Most Christorians use "he" for Chris, and the CWCki reflects this trend.

==Miscellaneous==

; What does he smell like?
: As of 19 October 2019, {{plain link|https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/post-5483529|cannabis}}. Historical answers include "rotten watermelons" (according to [[Emily]]), a variant of the [[Collosal Chan|homeless person]] stench (according to [[Robert Simmons V]]) or, as some field agents have reported, 'body odor masked with gallons of [[Axe]]'. The point is, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|Chris smells awful]].

; What's the deal with Chris's [[Heterochromia|eyes]]?
: According to Chris, his eyes were originally blue but he got pink eye in his right eye during high school and medication for it turned it green. His eyes are only faintly different and definitely not to the degree that they're depicted in his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic form]]. A cursory examination of [[:File:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this image]] demonstrates that he has had heterochromia since at least elementary school. Additionally, it's fairly common for people with blue or green eyes to have one eye of a slightly different hue.

; What's the deal with the striped shirts?
: Many of Chris's shirts were bought by [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.<ref>[[Mailbag 42|Mailbag #42]]</ref> Following Chris's introduction to the world of Internet trolling, [[Chris and fashion|his wardrobe went through several iterations]] before eventually settling on its current [[tomgirl]] form.

; What's the deal with the [[Shirt#Wrist warmer|yellow thing]] on the back of the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] chain?
: It's a Wilson wrist warmer he wears because the chain irritates his skin,<ref>E-mail from Chris posted in old PVCC thread #162</ref> probably due to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a common [[autism|autistic]] symptom.

; Does Chris drink or do [[drugs]]?
: Chris was firmly against [[Tobacky|smoking]] and drug abuse. For much of his life, he was equally strongly opposed to [[alcohol|drinking]] as well, but a video of him drinking a [[semen|salty]]-tasting [[Long Island Iced Tea]] turned up in [[2009]] and he has since softened his stance, saying he is a "social drinker".<ref>Mailbag_16#Alcoholism</ref> He has since been known to drink [[6 June 2010|Budweiser]], [[100 2281|Kahlúa]] and vodka, but seems to drink only occasionally, or when encouraged by [[troll]]s. He also smoked marijuana with the [[Teen Troon Squad]]. He was legally required to abstain from any drugs or alcohol during after being placed on Virginia's [[Chris and the law|Therapeutic Docket]] in late 2018 and early 2019.

; What's this about Jimmy Hill?
: [[Jimmy Hill]] was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sycophant Squad (S.A.S.S.), but disintegrated in [[November 2008]] at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his [[Sonichu]] character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This is one of the very few recorded examples of Chris realizing that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it. Despite this, he still has a grudge against Jimmy Hill, leaving him in the final version of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] from [[December 2009]].

: Of note, Jimmy Hill passed the "rights" to Sonichu in Europe to [[Liquid Chris|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]]. Hill died in 2015.

; Why does Chris call his disability check a "[[monthly tugboat]]"?
: The "tugboat" is one of Chris's [[CWC-isms]]; impenetrable mangled figures of speech that he either uses to avoid uncomfortable subjects or, in this case, because he thinks they are clever. "Tugboat" is derived from the phrase "Our ship has come in", referring to a fortuitous event. Whereas winning the lottery is like a large cruise ship coming in, for Chris, getting $1,000 a month for sitting on his ass is like a small boat—like a [[Wikipedia:Tugboat|tugboat]]—coming in for him.

; Has he ever had a [[job]] at all?
: He worked for [[Wendy's]] a few months in 2001, but he was fired for unknown reasons. He briefly sold knives for the multi-level marketing company [[Cutco]], which was his last true job (if you could call it that). He also occasionally does [[commissions]] for art and videos, but he has slowed down on that, even though his art and videos are the closest thing he has to a skill.

; Where does Chris currently publish new content?
: As of 2021, he is active on [[Twitter]] and occasionally posts videos to [[YouTube]].

; Where can I learn more about this guy?
: Well, right here at [[CWCki|this fine wiki]], of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, we would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the [[Megan|Megan Saga and the release of the e-mail correspondence between the two]]. Other resources include:

:* [https://www.kiwifarms.net/ The Kiwi Farms] - The official forum of this fine wiki.
:* The CWCki's official [https://discord.com/invite/b5GU9cz discord server].
:* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] (to be taken with a grain of salt)
:* [[Documentary|Documentaries]] available on YouTube
:* [https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu /r/ChrisChanSonichu], the largest Reddit community dedicated to Chris

And here is our introductory guide:
{{Check this out}}

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Special]]

Template:Christory/August 21

2021-06-06T20:00:18Z

Methalowiec:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = 057-CWCHedgeBoysv2.jpg
|imagecaption = "Tell me why, I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! Tell me why, I so need a cute girl my age!"
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2003]]''', Chris records "Christian & the Hedgehog Boys"s debut album, including timeless classics such as [[So Need a Cute Girl]] and [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].
|link = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:August|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Sonichu the Animated Series (Spazkid)

2021-06-06T19:59:42Z

Methalowiec:

{{protip|This article was previously deleted due to Spazkid and other creators of the series vandalizing the page to plug their newer works into it. As a reminder, we do not endorse you whoring yourself out.}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[File:SonichuTASTitleCard.PNG|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |''Sonichu: The Animated Series''
|-
| '''Created by'''
|Cory J. Beck
|-
|'''Seasons'''
|2
|-
|'''Episodes'''
|12
|-
|'''Original Run'''
|3 November 2009 – 21 March 2010
|-
|}

'''''Sonichu: The Animated Series''''' was an animated series created by Spazkid as a [[parody]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]]. It ran for two seasons, with the first having 10 episodes and the second having only one, which was split up into two parts.

==Background==
Spazkid created ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'' with friends. Having channels constantly flagged down on YouTube, he had to censor certain episodes of the cartoon and put the uncensored video files on Dailymotion.

He ended the series once his interest in Chris dropped off, but the show's abandonment was also influenced by constant drama with voice actors and writers. In one episode of a podcast called Sleepycast, Spazkid revealed that another reason why he abruptly stopped the series was because he felt that Chris's life had become more depressing to the point where Spazkid starting feeling bad for him, especially when he found out about Chris's [[Transgender|tomgirl]] transformation and the death of [[Bob]], though he still thinks its funny that Chris still freaks out about Sonic to this day. He mentioned that he still gets tweets from die-hard fans asking him if he could bring back the series, but he wants them to let it die.

{{quote|Chris-Chan is—he’s an enigma which to so many people—they thought he was a troll. Because they’re like, “there’s no way this motherfucker is real” because he’s like the saddest human being ever. And it’s SAD because it’s like… I spent four years of my life fucking with him and people are like, “bring it back!” And I’m like, “NO! LET IT DIE.” It’s like depressing—it’s not the golden age—it’s the depressing age.| Spazkid, rebuking the weens.<ref>https://youtu.be/PXdpSksFBok?t=878</ref>}}

Despite him feeling some remorse for creating The Animated Series, Spazkid doesn't hesitate to call Chris a retard and despicable human being.

==The Animated Series==
Much like the comic series, though the title is 'Sonichu', the series centers around the misadventures of Chris. For four years, it ran for two seasons, with the first season consisting of 10 episodes and the second having one episode split into two parts. The series mocks Chris by making him look like a bigger idiot than he already is and with him always ending up in each episode being killed, injured, humiliated or doing something disgusting/stupid. Unlike the comics, Chris rarely wins and is rightfully told off many times, except by Sonichu, who loves and adores his "father"... [[homos|maybe a little too much]].

Since the series is a mashup of Chris' real-life adventures and his comics, many plot elements are taken from both Christorical [[sagas]] and the ''Sonichu'' comic. These events are usually heavily exaggerated for comedic effect. Many characters from both sagas and his comics make appearances such as Rosechu, [[Jimmy Hill]], [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], etc. The series also does things that Chris would absolutely hate, such as making Sonichu be abusive to Rosechu, him and Sonichu being engaged in gay sexual acts, most of his female characters having manly voices and appearances, and even Chris being raped by a black guy.

The series was animated in [[Wikipedia:MS Paint|MS Paint]], with the style being reminiscent of [[Wikipedia:The Ren & Stimpy Show|''Ren & Stimpy'']] in that the characters are often drawn as more grotesque than they already are. It is also noted that many of the characters are drawn differently each time they are on screen. This may be a reference to how Chris' characters [[Chris and art|never look the same in any drawings he does]]. Animation wise, the show is often crude and simplistic for both comedic effect and in order to save time in creating episodes.

[[Liquid Chris]] also contributed to the series, providing the voice of Chris in some episodes since he was at the time one of the few people who could imitate Chris perfectly. When it wasn't Liquid doing the voice, it was either Spazkid or [[CWCki]] editor [[User:PhinnyCupcakes|PhinnyCupcakes]]. In some instances, audio clips from Chris's various videos, such as "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", "[[I am STRAIGHT#Part 2|I am STRAIGHT]]" and "[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]", were used.

Chris did mention the series when he was asked by [[Joshua Martinez]] about it on [[Vanessa AIM Chat 3|the third Vanessa AIM Chat]]. He said that he watched a bit of the series, but didn't give an opinion on it.<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref>

==Characters==
[[File:Sonichu_TAS_Cast_Collage.jpg|thumb|The cast of Sonichu TAS]]
===Major===
These characters have prominent roles throughout the series and appear in a majority of the episodes.
*'''Christian Weston Chandler'''- A 27-year-old (at the time the series started) "[[virgin with rage]]" who is the mayor of CWCville. He is very [[naive]], believing that CWCville is an ideal place to live and that he is loved by its citizens. He is on his "love quest" through the series and has a rivalry with Mary Lee Walsh. His assistant is Allison Amber, who is shown to despise her job. Unlike his comic-self, he usually loses and is heavily abused through the series. He appears in all but one episode. He is voice acted by[[Liquid Chris]] in some episodes.
*'''[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'''- Chris's "son" and Rosechu's boyfriend. He has a sexual relationship with Chris, and seems to love/hate Rosechu- one minute they will be engaged in sexual activity and show they care for each other, the next minute he is abusing/killing her for trivial reasons. He can be very naïve at times, with a fun-loving nature yet very dirty mind. He appears in all but one episode.
*'''[[Rosechu]]'''- the possible "daughter" of Chris and girlfriend of Sonichu. She is very airheaded and is regularly beaten (and usually by Sonichu). She appears in almost every episode.
*'''[[Mary Lee Walsh]]'''- The main antagonist of the series, though she is not in many of the episodes. She is depicted a blonde, curvy, evil, and sexy witch who has a devil tail and horns. In contrast to her appearance, Mary has a manly and raspy Brooklyn accent. Unlike her real life and comic self, she appears to be very young, presumably in her late 20's-early 30's. She is under orders of Count Graduon, but talks back to him and usually ends up shoving the staff [[china|up herself]]. She becomes Chris's rival in the mayoral elections.
*'''[[Count Graduon]]'''- Mary's superior and talking staff. Despite his authority, he is subject to Mary's abuse, mainly being shoved inside her when she is angered by him. Graduon is destroyed by Mary in episode 10, although he makes a brief cameo in episode 11.
*'''[[Magi-Chan]]''' In Season 1, he is depicted as a sophisticated intellectual, not putting up with the other's shenanigans and warning Bubbles of Silvana's disguise. In Season 2, he is a gay mad-scientist. Magi Chan develops a major role in the finale, sending Chris into his own body via the [[duck]] to find the source of his illness following a potentially fatal navy consumption.
*'''[[Allison Amber]]'''- Chris's secretary who hates her job and is not fond of her employer, due to the sexual harassment she suffers under him. Her duties include wiping Chris when he [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|craps himself from stress]], cleaning his duck, and doing loads of paperwork while he has sex with a blowup doll. She runs the mayoral elections in episode 10.

===Minor===
These characters appear briefly in the series. Many of them originate from the comics or are involved in the many sagas of Chris's life.
*'''[[Jerkop]]'''- Only appears in the first two episodes briefly to try and take Chris and friends down. He appears to be a racist interpretation- as Sonichu points out he is a black Jerkop, and the Jerkop orders the trio to buy him KFC. He ends up sexually assaulting Chris and pees on him.
*'''[[Angelica Rosechu]]'''- Only appears in episodes 5 and 8, Her debut appearance shows her at a tea party between her, Bubbles, (presumably) Lolisa, and Chris. She talks about a disturbing dream she has involving God before declaring it tea time. In episode 8, she is seen at Rosechu's surprise party, telling Bubbles she bought the birthday girl a new shaver. Later, she is at the beach with the gang and flies through the air, only to be shot by Punchy's harpoon, her <s> corpse</s> unconscious body being dragged off by Punchy so he can have sex with her.
*'''[[Bubbles Rosechu]]'''- Only appears in episodes 5 and 8. She has a non-speaking role in episode 5 at the tea party, and later is seen in episode 8 at the surprise party. She sneaks away to her boyfriend Blake's treehouse to give him a cupcake for his birthday. At the beach, she breaks Blake's arm after he kicks sand at her and her friends. She is fooled by Silvana/Sean Connery's disguise as Blake as she prepares to have sex with him, despite warnings from Magi and Jiggliami. When confronted by Connery, she brings out her counter-attack- Patrick Stewart.
*'''[[Punchy Sonichu]]'''- Only appears in episode 8. At the beach, he ogles over Angelica and shoots her down with a harpoon gun, dragging her unconscious body away to have sex on. He is depicted as an Asian [[Chris_and_race#Asians|Stereotype]].
*'''[[Wild Sonichu]]'''- Only seen in episodes 5-8. He is briefly seen in episode 5 before being hit by the Ghost Buggy. In episode 6 and 8, he has a hill-billy like voice and appears quite dumb. When Chris starts up his band, Wild volunteers to play the Sit and Spin (A child's toy). When they are booed at the show later on, Wild is hit by a brick. In episode 7, he gets a more mature role in a Metal Gear Solid Snake-like appearance, getting a gruff voice and annoyed by Sonichu. He smokes a handful of cigarettes at once, then makes out and has sexual intercourse with a box (offscreen). In episode 8, he is with Punchy as he oogles Angelica, to which Wild seems indifferent with.
*'''[[Bionic]]'''- Appears in episodes 5 and 8. He makes a brief appearance in episode 5 as he throws a basketball at Megan to save Chris, then running off to his girlfriend, Megagi. In episode 8, he is overly excited for Rosechu's party, and sexually assaults Magi Chan.
*'''[[Silvana]]'''- Only appears in episode 8. She overhears Bubbles and Blake about to have sex at the beach, so she morphs into Bubbles to 'spread her STDs' onto the couple. She meets Blake outside the store where he has a bag of condoms. After their offscreen sex, she reveals herself from her Bubbles disguise to reveal Sean Connery. She then disguises as Blake to do the same to Bubbles, but is stopped by multiple warnings from other characters.
*'''[[Black Sonichu]]/Blake'''- Appears in episodes 1 and 8. In the first episode, he is seen having sex with a blowup doll in the middle of the walkway, with a slight racist cutaway as him depicted as a chimp. He and Sonichu get into a verbal spat over his actions until Chris breaks up the fight. In episode 8, he is seen at Rosechu's party, then later at his treehouse when his girlfriend, Bubbles, brings him a cupcake to celebrate his birthday. He is later seen at the beach kicking sand at the girls, but has his arm broken by Bubbles. He has sex with Silvana, who is disguised as Bubbles, and is kicked high in the air after learning the truth.
*'''Nintendo Executives'''- Only in episode 3. After a sexual act, Chris sends his video game idea of Sonichu and him to the Nintendo Executives, only to be harshly yelled at and turned down by the executives. The executive then [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|craps]] on Chris and gives him salmonella. In real life, Chris actually sent Nintendo a Sonichu video game idea, only to be turned down for many reasons- one being copyright with SEGA.
*'''[[Beel]]'''- Only in episode 7. A devil receptionist to the 4-cent garbage building. He has a [[homos|stereotypical voice]] and only allows Sonichu and Rosechu to pass once Sonichu does "a little favor" for him.
*'''[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]]'''- Only in episode 7. Head of the 4-cent building. A 20 year old troll who slanders others, commits small crimes, and has a 17 year old sex slave who warmly greets the pair. He is attacked by Rosechu in her Lioness form and only kept alive by dark forces.

===Notable Mentions===
The characters unseen/have little to no speaking role or impact on an episode's plot, but are significant in the comics/saga
*'''[[Megan]]'''- Only appears in episodes 1, 4-6. At the end of episode 1, she is mentioned to be trapped in a mirror. By episode 4, she is freed when Mary Lee Walsh sets off a charger in Chris's house. She wields Yu-Gi-Oh cards to challenge her captor, Chris. At the start of episode 5, she appears to have the upper hand, but is knocked out by Bionic's basketball. She is presumably the girl in Chris's dream in episode 6, oggling over a muscular Chris and declaring herself Chris's boyfriend-free girlfriend before Chris wakes up.
*'''[[Megagi La Skunk]]'''- Bionic's girlfriend. She ppears momentarily in episode 5 to ask Bionic to help shave her mustache.
*'''[[Jimmy Hill]]'''- is only mentioned in the end of episode 4. The narrator asks if Jimmy Hill will every assert his righteousness.
*'''[[Ivy]]''' and '''[[Layla]]'''- only mentioned in Episode 9. Chris touches a picture of them, referring to Ivy as the "incident"
*'''[[B-Manajerk]]'''- He appears very briefly in one episode being beaten up by Chris in a dream.
*'''[[Jiggliami]]'''- Appears very briefly in episode 8. She tries to warn Bubbles of the fake Blake, but is punched out by Bubbles.
*'''[[DJ Jamsta]]'''- Appears briefly in episode 8. He is on the beach with his radio show, then once off the air, calls someone over to suck him off.
*'''[[Bob]] and [[Barb]]'''- Appear for a few frames in episode 11 depicted as the internet lumberjack and snorlax, respectively.

===Celebrities===
*'''Ray Charles'''- Only appears in episode 7. When Jason throws Sonichu and Rosechu out of the building, a cartoon of Ray Charles and 3 female background singers appear to sing "Hit The Road, Jack!" During his singing, Charles is knocked out by Jason.
*'''Sean Connery'''- Only appears in episode 8. Silvana, disguised as Bubbles, reveals herself to Blake post-sex, only to reveal Sean Connery. He duels against Bubbles, but is stopped by Patrick Stewart, who sends him to Scotland.
*'''Patrick Stewart'''- Only appears in episode 8. When Sean Connery reveals himself and challenges Bubbles, Patrick Stewart is brought in to stop him. Stewart transforms into the Enterprise and blasts Connery to Scotland.
*'''Abraham Lincoln'''- Only appears in episode 8. When Magi Chan and Jiggliami warn Bubbles of the false Blake, Lincoln manages to convince her of the truth because he's Lincoln.
*'''[[BILLY MAYS]]'''- Only appears in episode 10. He challenges Chris in the mayoral race. BILLY MAYS is loved by the town, but loses to Soulja Boy. After the conclusion of the election, BILLY ascends to the "Big Washing Machine In The Sky".
*'''Soulja Boy'''- Only appears in episode 10. He becomes the new mayor of CWCville.
*'''Kanye West'''- Only appears in episode 10. He interrupts Soulja Boy during his acceptance speech as mayor, referencing his real-life interruption of Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMA Awards.

==Theme Song==
Just like Chris's comics and the animated series itself, the theme song of the show has nothing to do with Sonichu and instead entirely focuses on Chris's eccentric and deplorable behavior.

{{Quote|SON-III-CHUUUUU AH!

Fuckhead Christian Weston Chandler is the mayor of CWCville

He's got a lot of things to do, GOT A LOT OF CHINA TO STEEAAAL!

Mary Lee Walsh is always waiting to ruin his fun

With the Chaotic Combo at his side, the day is always won

WELL CUM 2 CWCVILLE, WE INVITE YOU TO SWALLOW SOME SPERM!

CHRIS IS STRAIGHT WE GUARENTEE!

There are no girls allowed. . . UNLESS YOU'RE BOYFRIEND FREE!

HE DOESN'T LIKE THE BLACKIES, AND GOD SAYS GAYS SHOULD DIE,

AND IF YOU SEE HIM SITTING AT A TABLE, WELL YOU BETTER READ HIS SIGN!

SON-I-CHU!|''Sonichu: The Animated Series'' theme song}}

==Episode Synopses==
===Episode 1===
Episode one opens with a narrator welcoming the viewer to CWCville, where "[[Virginia is for Virgins|the love is forbidden and the population of virgins is 98%"]]. After 4 hours of anal sex, Sonichu and Rosechu walk to meet chris Chris and run into Blake, who is publicly having sex with a [[Officer Nasty|blowup doll]]. Sonichu and him get into a spat, and Chris shows up to stop the nonsense. Sonichu is excited by his father's appearance as a 'censored' image fills the screen, as the narrator verbally depicts Sonichu sucking on Chris's manboobs. A Jerkop ('''[[niggos|a black one!]]''') appears to stop their intimacy.

The episode ends on this cliffhanger, the Narrator asking the audience if the Jerkop will be stopped, if Megan will be freed from the mirror, and if the seven Sonichus will ever be found. The first and second conflicts are resolved later on in the series, and the third is a nod to Dragon Ball Z, never further elaborated on past the joke. This end format is pulled straight from DBZ itself and most of the first few episodes end with rhetorical questions which are never answered.

===Episode 2===
The episode opens with Sonichu and Rosechu ready to fight the Jerkop, who orders them to buy him [[Chris and race|KFC]]. Chris steps in and uses his Sonichu medallion to transform into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] (depicted as Chris with a blue Pikachu-ear hat) and fight. Chris is raped and urinated on (''censored cuz of YouTube'', of course). The aftermath shows Chris laying facedown covered in filth, declaring "all in a day's work!". The Next Day, the trio are at the mall, Chris being seen with the [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straw]] and [[Attraction Sign|sign]]. Chris is angry that his profane and racist sign has not gotten him laid yet:

{{quote|Hey there Girls,
Lookin for a girl whos into 27 Years Virgins, who still piss themselves and has a tiny lopsided penis.
No Darkies >:(
| Chris's sign}}

Sonichu inspects the sign and agrees that it's "bulletproof." As Chris starts to leave, a ninja suddenly appears and grabs Chris's medallion, stealing it by shoving it up his ass.

===Episode 3===
After a recap of the last episode, the episode 3 kicks things off with an orgy between Sonichu, Rosechu, and Chris. Chris exclaims it would be great if an orgy like that were a game. With encouragement from Sonichu, Chris sends in his idea and meets with Nintendo executives. They harshly turn him down, while Chris naively believes they will consider his Sonichu idea. Off-screen, the executive defecates on Chris's face and Chris ends up in the hospital with salmonella.

===Episode 4===
Episode 4, "Chris Chan Saves the Planet (Not Really)" begins with an attempt at a recap of the last episode before cutting to Chris in his room playing Guitar Hero. Chris thanks Sonichu fans for helping him win a [[GameStop]] gift card and how he now has the chance of appearing in a future Guitar Hero game. He goes on the internet to check on his fans. Watching an episode of The Animated Series, Chris becomes angry and craps himself. Chris then checks on his [[LittleBigPlanet]] level and finds that he is at the bottom of the ratings.

Mary Lee Walsh makes her first appearance in the animated series, breaking into the house via the window and declaring that though he beat her up in [[Soul Calibur|Soulcalibur 3]], he can't do it IRL. Chris Chan instructs Sonichu to attack. The scene cuts to footage of a brown bear standing in a river with dramatic backing music. That scene cuts to Mary Lee Walsh again, who begins to melt for some reason. Before she is completely dissolved, Mary presses a button that sets off a charger beneath the house. The explosion breaks the glass the mirror (mentioned in Episode 1) that Megan had been trapped in and frees her. Megan declares Chris is going down and wields her Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

===Episode 5===
The episode begins with Megan about to deliver the finishing blow to Chris in a Yu-Gi-Oh battle, when Bionic throws a basketball at her face, killing her. Chris greets Bionic and asks how he is. Bionic tells him he has been sucking his girlfriend's dick. Chris sighs, saying Bionic is lucky to have a girlfriend. Megagi la Skunk appears, and Bionic leaves to "tend to the beast".

Meanwhile, at the PVCC, The ninja from episode 2 appears and Mary asks if he has acquired Chris's the medallion. Upon learning he shoved it up his ass but did not record it, Mary explodes, saying the video was for her sexual pleasure. She fires crabs from her vagina at the ninja, who screams in agony.

The episode cuts to Chris, Bubbles, presumably Lolisa, and Angelica having a tea party. Angelica goes off about a dream she recently had in which God appeared, and told her he was going to fuck her, and he could do so because he was God and he made her. After that, she breaks out of her briefly psychotic state and happily declares tea time. Wild comes in, but is suddenly run over by the [[Ghostbusters|Ghost Buggy]].

===Episode 6===
After a dream sequence in which he is muscular and drooled over by Megan, Chris wakes up. He cries out in anger over this, and a poster of [[My Little Pony]] Gen. 3 Pinkie Pie talks to Chris. Chris laments his sexual frustration to the pony. Pinkie Pie mentions how girls like boys who play in bands, giving Chris the idea to form one. Sonichu offers to play percussion, Wild says he can play the Sit and Spin, and a random black guy offers to play the washboard.

The band starts to practice in a garage, using audio from Chris's [[So Need a Cute Girl|Original Song]]. Wild comments how amazing they are as Chris wishes they had more popularity. Finding a random poster in a nearby steaming pile of dog shit, Chris declares it a sign from God himself. The scene cuts to the "CWClub" as Mayor Chris walks on stage. Only a few seconds after they start their performance, Christian and the Hedgehog Boys are quickly booed; Wild receives a brick to the face. Chris thanks everyone for their donations and is hit by a brick.

===Episode 7===
The longest episode in the first season, episode 7 is based on Sonichu issue 8, episode 17. True to its influence, the episode begins with Sonichu and Rosechu about to engage in sexual activity. Chris pauses the scene to fill the audience in on Sonichu/Rosechu anatomy. He describes how- much like it's explained in the comic- Sonichu penises are in their stomachs, and they must tilt forward and have the genitals slip out "like a Pez Dispenser" to obtain a boner. Chris then moves onto Rosechu anatomy- they have giant airbags on their chest (he should know, he has a lot of sex dolls).

The episode mercifully skips the sex scene. After coitus, Rosechu calls Sonichu over to show him a [[4chan|Slanderous Website]] that drags their image and Chris's reputation through muck. An enraged Rosechu grabs a camera, ranting about how she's going to go take nudes and nobody is going to photoshop a penis on her. Once she's gone, Sonichu starts to jerk off to the images found on the site.

Sonichu and Rosechu make it inside the building and look around. A flamboyantly voiced [[Beel]] notices the pair. Sonichu says that he and his "GF" have a meeting with Jason. Beel demands that Sonichu suck his dick in order for them to advance. On the elevator ride up, an upset Rosechu glares at a [[navy]]-glazed Sonichu. After the couple arrive at Jason's floor (apparently the CEO of 4cent), who is a 20-year-old troll with an underage sex slave. He shows the pair pictures of him committing small crimes such as littering, carving his name into a public bathroom wall whilst shitting, and <s> streaking</s> jaywalking in a busy intersection. These crimes horrify Sonichu but he is silenced by Jason, who reveals that Chris's ED page will never be taken down. Jason throws a pickle at Rosechu, telling her to play with it. She picks up the pickle and crushes it in her hand, morphing into [[The Incredible Lioness]] before yelling, "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!" and lunging at 4cent's CEO. Jason screams in agony off-screen as Sonichu watches the carnage. After Rosechu returns to normal, Sonichu asks her out, to which she happily agrees.

Jason survives Rosechu's attack due to dark forces which keep him alive, but he is never seen in the series afterwards.

===Episode 8===
Episode 8 is based off Sonichu issue 8 episode 18, including a parody of the beach scene and the inclusion of Silvana Rosechu. The episode opens up with the Chaotic combo throwing a surprise party for Rosechu's 19th birthday. Bubbles Rosechu prepares to meet Blake over at his treehouse and gives him a cupcake, as it's his birthday as well. Blake can only respond by telling Bubbles to sit on his face.

The next morning, the Sonichus and Rosechus all hold a beach party. Silvana Rosechu overhears Blake's plans to have sex with Bubbles. In an effort to spread her STDs, she shapeshifts into Bubbles and meets up with Blake. After "five panels of grotesque bum-sex," Blake comments how awesome she was, only for her to reveal that she was Sean Connery in disguise. Connery proceeds to kick Blake far out into the ocean. Meanwhile, a very [[China|"AZN AMARIKN"]] Punchy and Wild Sonichu ogle over Angelica as she happily flies through the air. Punchy shoots Angelica out of the sky with a harpoon gun, and Punchy exits to have poop sex with her body. The real Bubbles finds Silvana disguised as Blake, and prepares for sex with him. Magi-chan telepathically warns her that Blake is a fake, but she is unconvinced. Jiggliami also warns it's a trap, but Bubbles punches her out of the way. However, Abraham Lincoln is able to get through to her. Sean Connery reveals himself, declaring that he is unbeatable. Bubbles summons Patrick Stewart, who transforms into the USS Enterprise and launches Connery all the way back to Scotland while the Chaotic Combo cheer.

===Episode 9===

The episode opens as Chris furiously masturbates to Transformers, jizzing in a cup of Long Island Ice tea and recycling it. Sonichu and Rosechu walk in from "their night of activities." Rosechu is greatly concerned for Chris Chan, as he is still recovering from [[Ivy|"the incident."]] Sonichu recommends he put himself out there, as Chris begins searching for a job. He fails an interview for going off on a tangent about Sonichu, and is rejected by a convenience store for attempting to flirt with the manager. Ultimately, he obliviously stumbles upon a [[Impulse Gay Social Club|gay bar]]. After showing some concern regarding black homosexuals kissing in the corner, he accepts the job. Sonichu and Rosechu arrive to congratulate him, but they find out the truth and warn Chris that he's working at a gay bar. The final scene is of Chris recording a [[Captain's Log]], reassuring his viewers that he is straight, having done nothing overtly homosexual during his tenure there, and that he is not "that [[Liquid Chris|brown-shirted imposter]]".

===Episode 10===
Allison begins to complain about Chris' lack of mayoral duties, and accidentally walks in on him having sex with Julie. As she declines his offer to join in, a brick is suddenly thrown through the window of the office, revealing an angry mob of citizens demanding an impeachment. Chris reassures Allison that everything is fine and the citizens love him. BILLY MAYS breaks into the building, proclaiming himself as a contender for the position of CWCville mayor. Mary Lee Walsh hears the news and decides to run against Chris as well. Allison goes out to calm the angry mob, officially declaring a new mayoral election- the candidates being Chris, BILLY, and Walsh. The next day, contenders vie for votes. Chris is creating hand-drawn posters and attempts to get the attention of a local civilian. The man says he is voting for Mary Lee Walsh since she is going to suck him off. Chris jumps at the idea of free china, but Sonichu talks him out of it. Meanwhile, BILLY MAYS holds a rally, throwing an Oxi Clean ball at a dying cancer patient to the civilians' excitement.

The next day, all the votes are tallied. Allison's announcement of Soulja Boy as the election winner is interrupted by BILLY MAYS yet again, who [[BILLY_MAYS#Death|ascends to the Big Washing Machine in the Sky.]] Frustrated that she did not win, Walsh smashes the staff Graduon is held in, releasing a white light that consumes all of CWCville (and possibly the Earth). A time portal is created, and it flashes scenes from the series, ending the first season.

===Episode 11===

After drinking his [[semen|navy]], Chris experiences some sort of medical emergency and is taken to Magi-Chan who informs him that the only way to cure his woes is to clone and shrink himself so he can enter his own urethra. Inside Chris finds a peaceful society of sperm. Upon discovery, Chris is tried for mass murder (because of his recycling). In the trial, the sperm mock Chris and are ready to sentence him to death for destroying their chances of entering a woman. Before he can be executed, Magi-chan interrupts remotely and in exchange for a pardon for Chris, teleports them to Lady Gaga's [[china]]. The sperm find African American sperm who perform "Where the Womb at?" in a parody of DMX's "Where the hood at?". Back at Magi-chan's office, Magi-Chan declares Chris's health has improved greatly, despite the original Chris exploding. The series ends with Chris throwing back another glass of navy.

==Reception and Impact==

The animated series was met positive reception, with many claiming it to be the best-animated representation of Chris Chan. However, some trolls hated the show because they were worried it would bring more awareness to Chris due to its popularity. The YouTube video containing the entire series has over 800,000 views.

The series served as an introduction to Chris for many. [[Other enablers#Claire Garcia|Claire Garcia]] – who would become an enabler of Chris – first learned of his existence through the series.

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL16A8CF016BC676A8 Playlist of the first season.]
*[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2537D12307740BFD Playlist of the second season.]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-lQDKuc6rw Video containing the entire series.]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0pHC_W_8nk Original versions of the first two episodes.]
*[https://youtu.be/PXdpSksFBok?t=683 Spazkid's retrospective on the series.]

{{Sonichu}}
{{articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]

August 2016 Paid Video Requests

2021-06-06T19:58:59Z

Methalowiec:

This page lists the video requests that Chris was paid to do in August 2016.

He also read chapters 2-4 of [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"|"A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]], although he denied getting paid for it.

==Singing "All of the Lights"==

Reminiscent of the [[SingStar Challenge]], Chris is requested to sing over a song selected by another person. Unsurprisingly, the parallels do not end there. Chris demonstrated nearly zero effort in preparing for this request; muddling the lyrics, souring the melody, and constantly fidgeting throughout the video.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Singing "All of the Lights"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|60narHHELHI}}
| stardate = 8 [[August 2016]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{White Tomgirl with Heart|text}}
| previous = [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"#Chapter 1|Chapter 1]]
| next = [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"#Chapter 2|Chapter 2]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now by paid request.

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|A long transcript of Chris mostly singing|
[''Chris leans back into his chair, then awkwardly assumes an uncomfortable position.'']

Hello everybody! Here's another song, by paid request!

[''Chris hits a button on his PS4 controller and looks up at his out-of-shot TV. He grabs the remote, and the song'' All of the Lights ''by Kanye West featuring Rihanna and Kid Cudi starts playing. Chris weakly follows along to the lyrics of the song, fidgeting throughout the video.'']

All of the lights, all the lights, all the lights, lights, lights, lights, lights 
All of the lights 
All of the lights 
All of the lights 

-the lights-here, baby 
Turn 'em up extra bright, I want y'all to see this 
Turn up the lights in here, baby 
You know what I need 
Want you to see everything 
Want you to see turn off the lights 

Fast cars, shooing stars 

All the lights 
All of the lights 
Until it's Vegas everywhere we are 
All the lights 
All the lights 
If you want it you can get it for the rest of your liiife 
If you want it you can get it for the rest of your liiife 

Something 
I hold my head 
MJ gone, our nigga dead! 
I slapped my girl, she called the feds 
I did dat time and spent that bread 
I’m headin' home, I’m almost there 
I’m on my way headin' up the stairs 
To my surprise a nigga chasin' me 
I had to take 'em to the ghetto university 

All the lights 
Cop lights, flash lights, spot lights 
Strobe lights, street lights 
All the lights 
All 
Fas' life, drug life 
Thug life, rock li- 
Every night 
All the lights 

-lights in here, baby 
Extra bright, I want y'all to see, see this 
Turn up the lights in here, baby 
You know what I need 
I want you see everything 
Want you see all the lights 

Ca-can’t see my daughter 
Her mother, brother, grandmother hate me in that order 
-blic visitations 
We met at Borders 
Told her she take me back 
I’ll be more supportive 
I made mistakes 
I bump my head 
Courts stuck me dry 
I spent that bread 
She need a daddy 
Baby please, can’t let her grow up in that ghetto university 

-f the lights 
Cop lights, flash lights, spap (sic) lights 
Strobe lights, street lights 
[''Chris misses the two "All of the Lights here''] 
Fast life, drug life 
[''unintelligible''], lock life 
Every night 
All of the lights 

Turn up the lights in here, baby 
Estra briiight, want y'all to see this 
Turn up the lights in here, baby 
You know what I need 
Want you to see everything 
Want you to see all the lights 

-ine, baby 
Gotta let niggas know, yeah 
Get it right, ay 
should go and get your own, get your own 

Get mine, baby 
Gotta let them know, yeah, get it right 
Get it right, ay 
You should go and get your own 

There you go. Have a good day. Thank you.}}

==To Shelly==
A [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Too lazy to work|set of screenshots]] from Kiwi Farms user crayolasword show that Chris initially wanted to charge $10 for this video. However, after his work ethic was questioned, he made it for free, possibly so he could use it for his own advantage when he later made a Facebook post imploring any former Etsy customers to "take a good look at me in my latest video on my YouTube channel. I am feeling Very Tired..." (even though his shop got closed months ago for failing to send products).

{{Infobox/video
| name = To Shelly
| video = {{#ev:youtube|in30pzuMJFU}}
| stardate = 13 [[August 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = Blue shirt
| previous = [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"#Chapter 2|Chapter 2]]
| next = [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, McKenna|Happy Birthday, McKenna]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris leans back into his chair and retracts his hand from the bottom right of the frame. Throughout the video, he fidgets around, playing with his hair or moving his right hand around.'']

Ahhh, hello, this is Christine Chandler coming to you from my home once again, uhh, so hey, uh, Shelly from your husband, he definitely wishes you a happy birthday and I wish you a happy birthday too. M'kay? So, you turn another year older and another year wiser... That's good. Have a good day.

[''Chris leans forward and extends his hand to the bottom right of the frame.'']

==Happy Birthday, McKenna==
Chris lazily fulfills another boring birthday request. This time, he adds flair by including his cat [[Lucy]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Happy Birthday, McKenna
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Y1k4rcLaQUk}}
| stardate = 18 [[August 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = Meh
| previous = [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#To Shelly|To Shelly]]
| next = [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing an ol' diddy|Singing an ol' diddy]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|By paid request.

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

[''Chris looks at his phone, which is down in his lap. [[Lucy]] is also in his lap, her head in the corner of the frame.'']

Hello McKenna, this is Christine Chandler, comin' to ya live from home, wishing you a happy birthday. I hope you have a great and safe one, and a great year.

[''Chris picks up the camera and moves it so that Lucy is facing the camera. Chris speaks in a much higher pitched voice.'']

Here's my cat, Lucy! Mew! She wishes you a good day, too! Don't ya, miss!

[''Chris turns the camera towards himself. He speaks in his normal voice now.'']

M'kay. Have a good day, McKenna.

==Singing an ol' diddy==
Chris sings his greatest hit, "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", replacing the line, "I never want to hear you say, 'I have a boyfriend!'" to "I never want to hear you say, 'I'm already taken!'". Chris may have done this in order to be inclusive to [[homos|dykes]], thus widening the field of candidates—beyond heterosexual women—targeted by his original song. Disregarding the outrageous fact that Chris has kept the lyrics sheet of a parodic song—written on lined notebook paper by him in 2003—notice how he gazed up every time he approached the replaced line. This is likely due to his autism, which probably prevented him from looking at the original line without reading it out loud.

Notably, this is the first video appearance of the [[Christine Doll]].

[[File:Chris etsy AZ09199976.jpg|thumb|A screenshot from Kiwi Farms user AZ09199976 shows that Chris made this video for free, as compensation for having failed to deliver a medallion sold through Etsy.]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Singing an ol' diddy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pstOfo15Wxo}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2016]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, McKenna|Happy Birthday, McKenna]]
| next = [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"#Chapter 3 and 4|Chapter 3 and 4]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|A long transcript of Chris mostly singing|
[''Chris sits in his bedroom. He is holding a piece of paper. In front of him, from left to right, are a Rosechu Amiibo, an Equestria Girls figurine, and a Sonichu amiibo.'']

Hmm. And now by, reque-[''Chris snaps'']-and now by special request, an ol' ditty, which I still have the handwritten lyrics to, [''Chris holds up the sheet of paper''] written over a decade ago. So, enjoy.

[''Chris hits a button on his PS4 controller. The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" comes on, and Chris disinterestedly sings the lyrics to [[So Need a Cute Girl]]. Throughout the video, Chris looks and sounds bored. '']

Hey, Look at me, 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely, 

Without a fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I am ta-ken!"]] 

And I see the laadies walking 
A-long one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I'm already taken!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I'm already taken!" 

I-have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''never'' hear you say, 
"I'm already taken!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I'm already taken!" 

Why do alla the [[jerks]] 
Get most of the pretty girls, yeah 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', [''Chris accentuates each "not" with a hand spasm''] to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…''[''Chris cups his hand to his ear''] 

Don' wanna hear it! 

Stuck in a sad lonely cage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I'm already taken!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I'm already taken!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! 
-so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I'm already taken!" 

'Cuz I need my [[sweetheart]].

[''Chris turns off the song. He looks at and salutes the camera.'']

Thank you.}}

==Happy Birthday, Ty, here's a song==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Happy Birthday, Ty, here's a song
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RhxDHSa31O8}}
| stardate = 30 [[August 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}, {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue and White Striped Dress|text}}
| previous = [[I'd like someone with a 3D Printer, Locally, please]]
| next = [[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Alex|Happy Birthday, Alex]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|Transcript of Chris mostly singing|
[''Chris sits in his bedroom. To his left is a half-full Dr. Pepper bottle, and right in front of him an Equestria Girls figurine.'']

Hello, coming to you straight from my house, once again! [''Chris adjusts his microphone.''] A little mic adjustment…

[''Chris picks up an envelope.''] Here's a birthday greeting: happy birthday, Ty! From Luke, Tyler, Brian, Dylan and BJ with love. [''Chris looks at camera with a glazed expression.''] Brotherly love, I'm guessing, so… here-ya-go, happy birthday, Ty! Here's a song.

[''Chris presses the play button on his PS4 controller, "Hearts Strong as Horses" from My Little Pony starts playing and Chris starts wagging his finger off-beat.'']

Heresuffest little, ponies in town 
Got the moves, got the mojo, no harder working ponies around 
We are a trio, work as a team 
We'll be the first ponies out on the fuh-lag waving scene 

We're-- 

Get goin' when the going gets tough 
We never… [''unintelligible mumbling''] is never enough 
We're kinda short, but so what? We don't get defeateeted 
We take a little break, but we don't need it 

We got hearts as strong as horses 
We got hearts as strong as horses 
We got hearts as strong as horses 
We got hea-a-arts, hearts strong as horses 

Uh, when we put our minds together, we can achieve 
We're the cutie mark crusaders, and you should believe 
We got determination to represent the nation 
Or a win [''Chris runs his finger through his hair''] 

We got hearts as strong as horses 
We got hearts as strong as horses 
We got hearts as strong as horses 
We-- We're going to win as we gallop to glory 
We can conquer any challenge we're in 
We got hea-arts, hearts strong as horses 
Hearts strong as horses 

[''Chris waves and looks into camera.'']
Okay… thank you.
[''Chris leans toward camera.'']
Have a good day.}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]]|nextlink=[[ September 2016 Paid Video Requests]]}}

{{BusinessList}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Business]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

August 2016

2021-06-06T19:58:28Z

Methalowiec:

[[File:Aug16cwc.jpg|thumb|Chris in August]]
'''August''' is the eighth month of [[2016]].

Chris continued to fret about money throughout this month, revealing that the mortgage on [[14 Branchland Court]] is $115,000. His efforts to improve his cash flow consisted primarily of continuing to make [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests|videos for paying customers]]. Despite his bills, however, Chris saw no problem spending money on [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|hormone vitamins]] and other frivolities. He spent the last weekend of the month at [[OmegaCon]] in [[Charlottesville]]. He also admitted that he has incestual dreams about his [[Barb|mother]], but no one was really surprised.

==Events==
* 1 August - Chris provides a [[Facebook]] link to the trailer for [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Project Sonic]].
* 5 August - Chris announces on [[Facebook]] that he's being doing a lot of housecleaning. He also requests money for more [[Chris and health#Tomgirl|Oestrogel]].
* 6 August - Chris celebrates the closing of PayPal's [[Kiwi Farms]] account, and wonders if he can get compensation from PayPal for the [[trolling]] abuse he's suffered.
* 8 August - Chris posts a photo of a [[Ruckersville]] dragon statue on [[Facebook]].
* 8 August - Chris uploads a [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|paid video]] in which he sings a song, poorly.
* 8 August - Chris [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"#Chapter 2|films himself]] reading the second chapter of [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]].
* 9 August - It's discovered that [https://kiwifar.ms/threads/8-4-barb-sued-by-another-bank.23227/ Barb is being sued by another bank] and that Chris had to pay a [https://kiwifar.ms/threads/8-2-chris-fined-for-lack-of-dog-paperwork.23228/ hefty set of fines] for failing to acquire licenses for his dogs.
* 9 August - Chris relists his [[Pokemon|Birthday Pikachu card]] on [[eBay]] for a [[Chris_and_negotiation#His_sales_on_eBay_and_Craigslist|ridiculous $500]].
* 9 August - On [[Facebook]], Chris complains about [[stress]] and his [[Biological clock|erratic sleep schedule]].
* 9 August - Chris remembers an [[I Love Lucy]] episode on [[Facebook]].
* 9 August - Chris tells his [[Facebook]] friends that he liked an episode of the [[YouTube]] series "Dolan Life Mysteries."
* 10 August - Chris buys [https://kiwifar.ms/threads/8-10-chris-bought-female-hormone-vitamins.23257/ female hormone vitamins], typically used for relieving menopause symptoms, from eBay.
* 10 August - Chris defends [[Chris and sex#Incest|incest]] on [[Facebook]], but claims that while he's had sexual [[dreams]] about his [[Barb|mother]], he has never acted on them.
* 11 August - In a [[Facebook]] post, Chris demands that his half brother [[Cole]] apologize to him and his [[Barb|mother]] and give them money.
* 12 August - Chris reiterates on Facebook that he does not like socializing online.
* 13 August - Chris posts a photo of his [[Chandler Cats|cat]] Lucy on Facebook.
* 13 August - Chris announces on Facebook that he's too tired to fulfill [[Lulu|Lulu.com]] orders, and claims to have ADD.
* 13 August - Chris posts a [[Facebook]] comment referring to God as [[Chris and religion|"Goddess' Emmanuelle."]]
* 13 August - Chris makes a short [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#To Shelly|paid video]] giving a shout-out to fan Shelly.
* 15 August - Chris rants against [[Facebook]] and online socializing.
* 17 August - On Facebook, Chris expresses confusion about the slang term [[Virgin with rage|V-card]].
* 18 August - Chris posts another photo of [[Chandler Cats|cat]] Lucy on Facebook.
* 18 August - Chris gives a negative review of [[Burger King]]'s Whopperito, saying that it gave him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|diarrhea]].
* 18 August - Chris produces another short [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, McKenna|paid video]] for fan McKenna's birthday.
* 20 August - Chris shares the news on Facebook that he has entered a [[LEGO]] [[contest]].
* 20 August - Chris comments on a marketing video for [[Pokemon]]'s Team Rocket.
* 21 August - Chris reminds everyone on [[Facebook]] that he is a [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|"Lesbian TransWoman."]]
* 23 August - Chris leaves a Facebook comment about transitioning issues and "soul."
* 23 August - In [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing an ol' diddy|Singing an ol' diddy]], Chris sings his greatest hit, "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]," by paid request. He changes some of the lyrics.
* 23 August - Chris reads two more chapters of [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]] in a [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"#Chapter 3 and 4|video]]. After this he loses interest.
* 24 August - Chris tells his Facebook friends that he will be attending [[OmegaCon]] and hopes to see them there.
* 24 August - Chris makes a [[I'd like someone with a 3D Printer, Locally, please|video request]] for a 3D printer.
* 25 August - Chris begins his weekend at [[OmegaCon]]. He posts a photo on [[Facebook]] of himself at the convention.
* 26 August - Chris uploads uncolored drawings of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] offering life advice.
* 26 August - Chris discusses [[Pokemon]] possibilities at [[OmegaCon]] with other attendees on [[Facebook]].
* 26 August - Chris comments about a comic called "Rabbichoso" on Facebook.
* 27 August - Chris discusses bringing his monitor to [[OmegaCon]] with other participants on Facebook.
* 28 August - Chris tells Facebook that he is currently playing vidya at [[OmegaCon]], with photographic evidence.
* 30 August - Chris makes a [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Ty, here's a song|paid birthday greeting]] for a fan named Ty.
* 30 August - Chris posts a photo of a furry at [[OmegaCon]] dressed as a red fox, saying that it reminded him of [[Wikipedia:Sanford and Son|Fred Sanford]].
* 31 August - Chris begs his [[Facebook]] friends to pay his mortgage of $115,000.

{{Timeline}}

The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who

2021-06-06T19:58:15Z

Methalowiec:

On 15 [[August 2009]], in an amazing turn of events, the false Chris, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], revealed the purpose of the [[SingStar Challenge]]. It never was to determine who the real Chris was. It was all just for fun, which is why the video is titled '''The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who'''. Despite saying so, he says that there is time for the judges to change their votes on who was the winner. A performance of "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]" ensues.

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who
| image = {{#ev:youtube|3rsHu8jTx3U}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 15 August 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} Music
| Saga = {{Liquid}} [[Liquid]] Saga
| Shirt = {{CreepyRobe}} Creepy Robe
| previous = [[NO_D***_WAY,_IMPOSTOR!!!| NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTER]]
| next = [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction| Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]
}} </center>

{{quote|Worse than my father!}}

===Transcript===

[''Ian shows his [[ring]]''] Haa, I'm making this video to uh, clear a record.

The Singstar Challenge was NEVER to verify which one of us was the real Christian Weston Chandler, because everybody on the internet knows that I am, that he's the impostor. They should quit encouraging him. And I wish that he would quit his stupid, damn, dirty game. I don't know what the heck is wrong with his head. [''his voice gets higher''] He ain't right. He don't even let me get a word in edge-wise. He just keeps going on and on AND ON AND ON AND '''ON AND ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNN!''' Worse than [[Robert Chandler|my father]]!

[''[[sigh]]s''] Anyway, it was just basically a fun thing. Only for fun. It never was meant to determine who was who! But just to play it safe, I am going to give y'all the big sample.

Again, the contest was only for fun, never to determine who was WHO. Because everybody knows dang well. Anyway, here is the classic, of which has been in my heart, that made women realize there was a guy still out there. [[Virgin with Rage|A virgin]], waiting.

[''Ian, once again, plays "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]"'']

Compare that, to the original, which got bootlegged, wrongfully, from a copy of my [[DVD]]. Have a good-have a nice day. Peace.

[''[[camera]] cut''] Oh, and also, there is still time, and it is optional, for the judges to change-their-votes.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]|nextlink=[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Contest Never was to Determine Who was Who}}
[[Category:SingStar Challenge]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-15]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-08-15]]

SingStar Challenge

2021-06-06T19:58:02Z

Methalowiec:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|Game on. ¡Abre la contesta!|[[Solid CWC]]}}

The '''SingStar Challenge''' was a video competition phase of the [[CWCivil War]], initiated by [[Solid Chris]].
[[Image:SingStar_Competition.jpg|thumb|[[Liquid|Who]] will prevail?]]
==Introduction==
Previously, Solid (posting under the YouTube handle [[IBAChandler]]) had attempted to reestablish his TRUE and HONEST identity with videos showcasing his multiple talents. This cunning plan backfired miserably, as [[Liquid Chris]] (posting as [[CChanSonichuCWC]]) outdone Solid's talents in his own videos. This included playing ''[[CWC_More_Than_A_Feeling#Response|More Than a Feeling]]'' on a real [[guitar]], shaming Solid's [[CWC More Than A Feeling|''Guitar Hero'' rendition]].

Butthurt that Liquid had an actual talent, Solid recognized that the clear solution was to formalize the contest, thus eliminating such dirty tricks.<ref name="KatieBayEmails3">[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref>

==SingStar Challenge Announcement==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = SingStar Challenge Announcement
| image = {{#ev:youtube|aKZ1ORcxuM8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 31 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} Music
| Saga = {{Liquid}} [[Liquid]] Saga
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt}} The Classic
| previous = [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|Sonic Boom]]
}}
</center>
 
===Transcript===
Alright, Christian, Mr. Brown-Striped Impostor, since you have been able to accept and complete my question challenges, it is time to issue a new challenge. I challenge you in a SingStar competition. The rules are simple. We are to each pick one song out of our libraries, our own playlists, and sing them verbatim with out any printed lyrics and with out any karaoke. 'Quipment.

[''picks up camera'']

And I will show you right now how fair I am. My room layout.

[''pans around his overstuffed-with-junk room'']

No karaoke equipment whatsoever.

[''camera returns to Solid in frame'']

[''[[sigh]]''] And if it-and also we must have the mp3s played behind us, so therefore no musical instruments its so-what so ever in any video. And... only... in song number five, no song before, we [''sigh''] will allow each other to pick one song and challenge the other with that song. And the deadline for each uh, up, each uploaded song is etsa-approximately 24 hours from the previous one. So your song number one will, the deadline for that will be 24 hours after I upload and p-start my first st-song. [sigh] So, with that we will soon be commencing with the first track, "Sonic Boom" [''holds up ''Sonic CD'' cover'']

[''jump cut'']

And with that I will be showing you my li'l lay out

[''camera once again turns to [[Chris's room|Solid's crap-laden room]]'']

my speakers over there,

[''camera moves to show some [[Lego]] bricks'']

my camera will sit here

[''camera moves back to Solid'']

the only thing that I ask anotherly—anotherly in this, no separate microphones but only the microphones on our webcamps. [''holds up a mirror to reflect the camera'']

[''jump-cut to Solid setting down the camera facing his bed and sits down into frame'']

[''jump-cut to Solid once again holding the camera on himself making the last jump cut meaningless'']

Oh, I forgot one thing, you may use your mp3 player of choice. My [[PSP]] is mine, attached to my speakers.

[''Solid once again sets down the camera'']

You may show me yours in your first video, Mr. Christian.

[''jump cut'']

Any mutiny against the rules I have set forth in this video will be [''sigh''] [''dramatic glasses removal''] not countable. And you will have to do it all over again.

[''jump cut to Solid throwing his [[glasses]]'']

And so with that

[''footage of the infamous [[That_Goatee_WILL_Grow_Back|shave]] is inserted'']

[''starting to remove square medallion''] Ow! [''removes square medallion, holds it up to the camera to read: '''The Good Life''''') [''starts to shave goatee dry''] [''after eleven seconds the head comes off the razor, Solid reattaches it and continues shaving, then sets razor down'']

[''jump cut'']

[''one second into new scene razor head falls off again, Solid reattaches again and continues to shave until [[Hair|goatee]] is mostly gone'']

[''jump cut'']

[''jump cut'']

—rst thing, no imported music. Which means no [[Anime|Japanese]], no [[Spanish]], no [[Wikipedia:German language|German]], no [[Chris and race|odd country]] language. Only [[English]]. Shame, would loved to play "[[Sailor Moon|Sailor Star]]" or "Flame Sniper"<ref>[http://sailormusic.net/lyrics/Flame_Sniper.html]</ref> [''makes motion as if getting ready to fire an arrow from a bow'']

[''jump cut'']

And also, once a song has been sung, of that specific title, from that specific band, it will not be reusable in a future song. Neither by you, neither by me. Abide by the rules.

[''jump cut'']

[''Solid is once again holding the razor''] Game on. ¡Abre la contesta! [''Spanish for "Let the contest begin!", except that "contesta" is not the correct word; "¡Abre el concurso!" would be correct.'']

{{collapsible|Rules between [[Solid Chris|The Original, Patriotic C.W.C.]] and [[Liquid Chris|the Brown-Striped Impostor C.W.C.]]|

-One Song At A Time from our individual Playlists. 
-Sing Without Printed Lyrics or Karaoke Equipment.. 
-Original MP3s must be played in background at appropriate audible volume.. 
-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or [[Guitar Hero]]/[[Wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band]]/[[Wikipedia:Rock Revolution|Rock Revolution]], etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO. .
-No Requests will be made from one Singer to the other BEFORE [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|the 5th Song]]. After the Brown One sings [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Song 4]], he may choose the Encore Track for me to sing, then I will choose his Encore Track for him to sing.. 
-Deadline for Each Player: 24 Hours from one Singer's Uploading of their Singing Video (After [[August 2009|August 5, 2009]] at Noon EST). If I upload on 12:30 PM Monday the 3rd, the deadline for the Brown One will be 12:30 PM Tuesday the 4th, and vice-versa. . 
-Use of any MP3 Players Fully Encouraged for playing the Tracks. . 
-NO IMPORTED TRACKS (No Japanese, [[Spanish]], German, etc Tracks).. 
-ENGLISH TRACKS ONLY.. 
-NO Christian Weston Chandler Tracks, such as "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", "[[Yellow Is A Mellow Color]]", etc. . 
-Once a Song, of that Title from That Artist has been sung, it Can Not be sung again by Either Player for the remainder of the Competition. My First Track is "Sonic Boom" from Pastiche; it is forbidden for it to be sung again by either Me or the Brown One for the remainder of the competition.. 
-NO Visual/Audio Video Edits for ALL SONG VIDEOS. No Dubbing Pre-recorded Audio over Video; ONLY Smooth Video One-Take Recordings Count (multiple takes towards final video are acceptable).. 

<nowiki>***</nowiki>Failure to comply by ANY of these Rules at ANY time during the competition shall be Disqualified, and the Last Player Sung shall be Named the Winner Forever.. 
<nowiki>***</nowiki>All Scores shall be tallied from accuracy of Lyric-Matching and praise from the watching audience, Officially by Judges that myself, and the Impostor will select THREE Close People, NO MORE THAN THREE FOR EACH OF US, on [[YouTube]].. 

My List of Judges will be Noted by their YouTube Handle on [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|My First Song]] for the Competition; I ask the man in brown to list his Judges' Handles on his First Video.. 

The DEADLINE for His First Video and Judge Selection will be Wednesday, August 5 at 12:00 NOON, EST.. 

Game On!}}

==Rounds==
{| class="wikitable"
! Round
! IBAChandler's song
! CChanSonichuCWC's song
|-
| '''[[SingStar Challenge Round 1|Round 1]]'''
| "Sonic Boom" by Pastiche (closing version; from ''Sonic CD'')
| "[[Wikipedia:You're Pitiful|You're Pitiful]]" by [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]]
|-
| '''[[SingStar Challenge Round 2|Round 2]]'''
| "[[Wikipedia:Don't Say You Love Me (M2M song)|Don't Say You Love Me]]" by [[Wikipedia:M2M (band)|M2M]]
| "[[Wikipedia:The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air|The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air]]" by [[Wikipedia:Will Smith|Will Smith]]
|-
| '''[[SingStar Challenge Round 3|Round 3]]'''
| "Autumn Goodbye" by [[Britney Spears]]
| "[[Wikipedia:Heaven (Bryan Adams song)|Heaven]]" by [[Wikipedia:Bryan Adams|Bryan Adams]]
|-
| '''[[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Round 4]]'''
| "[[Wikipedia:The Touch (Stan Bush song)|The Touch]]" by [[Wikipedia:Stan Bush|Stan Bush]]
| "[[Wikipedia:It's All in Your Head|Think Twice]]" by [[Wikipedia:Eve 6|EVƎ 6]]
|-
| '''[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|Round 5]]'''
| "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay (Opponent's request)
| "Lift Up Your Eyes" by [[Wikipedia:Planetshakers|Planetshakers]] (Opponent's request)
|}

==Awaiting the Judges' Ruling...==
After round five finished, Solid began a campaign against Liquid on various fronts, mainly through video:

*A "direct" confrontation between Solid and Liquid:
**[[Exposing Jeff]], where by his "detective work" he finds that CChanSonichuCWC's true name is "Jeff": this name is a callback to a previous trolling affair.
**[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], a video that shows the rage held by Solid over the accomplishments of his rival. He tries to demotivate Liquid by using his girlfriend, [[Kacey]], as a deterrent.
**[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], where he threatens legal persecution and gives some anecdotes about his life, mainly [[Christopher's name change|his name change]] and again mentions Kacey.
**[[LOOK at the truth!]], where he tries a comparison between him and Liquid, acknowledging and reaffirming his failures. This is also a video that shows a side of Solid few people have the fortune of not seeing: his manboobs.
*Trying to steal [[Kacey]] from Liquid, by the pretense of her being in love to the "Real Deal" Chris and not the impostor. This resulted in the following videos:
**[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]], where Solid shows the viewers the process behind a [[Sonichu]] drawing. This insight reveals that Solid is incapable of holding a pen correctly and that the materials used are Crayola markers.
**[[For Kacey from CWC]], Solid tried to impersonate Liquid and invite Kacey to his home for visit.
**A [[Kacey_Phone_Call|telephone interchange between Solid and Kacey]], where Solid describes in graphic detail the sexual activities that he wants to do to her.

Liquid was not happy with these events and began his crusade for vindication:
*[[CChanSonichuCWC#Showdown|A telephone conversation]] between him and Solid, where he tries to convince Solid to drop his charade and accept that Liquid is, in fact, the TRUE and HONEST CWC. Solid loses it again, threatening Liquid with the police and involving [[Bob]] in his debacle.
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-fO5vF61Es Come CLEAN!] Liquid strikes again, exposing Solid's faults and weaknesses.

==Judges==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
|colspan="2"|'''Name and [[YouTube]] handle'''
| '''CWC'''
| '''IBA'''
|-
| rowspan="3"|Judges chosen by CChanSonichuCWC<ref>[[SingStar Challenge Round 1]]</ref>
| [[Kacey Devoria]]
|align="center" |✘
|
|-
| SpazKid ([https://www.youtube.com/user/spazkidin3d spazkid])
|align="center" |✘
|
|-
| Seth
|align="center" |✘
|
|-
| rowspan="3"|Judges chosen by IBAChandler<ref name="KatieBayEmails3"/>
| [[Katie Bay]] ([https://www.youtube.com/user/katiebaybug katiebaybug])
|align="center" |✘
|
|-
| [[Kim Wilson]] ([https://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum ScarletSanctum])
|
|align="center" |✘
|-
| Unknown [[JERKS|dude]] judge
|
|align="center" |✘
|}

==A Winner: There Can Only Be One==

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = "I (CWC) WIN the SingStar Contest"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|aF-OqiCKDhY}}
| Stardate = 11 [[August 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] Music
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#Ian, Talking Time is Over. The REAL Christian Weston Chandler is SICK of Your Lies. Come CLEAN.|Ian, Talking Time is Over. The REAL Christian Weston Chandler is SICK of Your Lies. Come CLEAN.]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.|I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up]]
}}

{{collapsible|Transcript|
[[Captain's Log]], Stardate August 11th, 2009.

Hello my loyal [[fanbase]], I would like to address the impostor, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], for a moment. I officially declare myself the winner of the SingStar Challenge contest between because your judges have not followed my rules—followed not—followed not—not followed any rules or uploaded any videos. My judges have been following the rules and giving me scores, therefore because you don't have any scores you're out of the running and I am the true Christian Weston Chandler. Now, I dun care if you're stealing my original works, and comic pages and arts, and uploading them to a dimpy little website where no one will see them, bec—while the true comics are about to be published by [[Wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse Comics]]. Yes, you heard it right, Dark Horse is wary fent—they are working fenderlessly, furiously, to create and draw and write the first [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Episode 0 comic]] within accordance from [[Sega]] and [[Nintendo]]. Now they are also working with a certain [[Hex Box|Microsoft]] as well. My current on the project is they may hire me as production manager. So, you know, keep my fingers crossed. And another thing, I present to you another true Sonichu merchandise selling site is cwcstore.blogspot.com and it's your one stop shop for anything [[Sonichu]]-, [[Rosechu]]- or [[CWCville]]-related. I will show you a bit of the site right here. And on another note there uh uh gonna start selling [[Lego]] sets of CWCville along with uh, guides to the city. So, uh, be looking forward to that one, true believers! The uh, [[The Sonichu Chronicles|'''Sonichu Crystal Chronicles'']] games has come along pretty well. It's going to a, uh, [[Wikipedia:Role-playing video game|RPG-style game]], a role-playing game, and outside the city of CWCville. And, uh, it is currently being produced in tandem with Microsoft for the-mm, [[Hex Box|X-box 360]]. Look forward to the official revealing of it in the uh Da-Dallas Game Developers Conference. Ehm, anyways, uh, anyway, yeh, that's about it for now. Still making lots of money, rol—rolling in the—rolling in the dough, ya know and uh, WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS? Peace.

And to my, my darling sweetheart [[Kacey]], eventual, a light a magical lighthouse is randomly shone is a healing, guiding light upon previously shattered heart and tortured soul, and mending them back into good shape and form. One girl walked into my life like a [[Sailor Moon|sailor soldier]] who had just vanquished a heart snatcher. Bit by bit, I've noticed you're shining, lustrous hair, you're shiny blue Chaos Emerald-like eyes and personality—strong and caring, like a true buttercup bloom. I followed my recovered heart's instincts and followed you. As I got to know you over the months and my heart was growing stronger as I was falling for you. I blushed more strawberry pink than I ever had before and everything was shining like a sun's mellow color, yellow. For you I would travel even a thousand miles just to be with ya. Fortunately you lives only about two hours away from my house and uh, I meet you when we dates. This feeling that was, and still is, so pure and true, it's as if I was born to love you. When you smiles I feel like I'm walking on sunshine and I give my replying smile and gaze into your eyes. And your hair is the softest and most warm tingling. Cloud nine? I feel like I'm on ten! Kacey, my love, will you marry me? [''Holds up a Rosechu medallion and [[Creepy stare|creepily stares]] around the room''] Peace.}}

==Aftermath==
Even to [[slow-in-the-minds]], it was clear that several rules contradicted themselves immediately, such as not being allowed [[Wikipedia:karaoke|karaoke]] equipment but being allowed to play the song itself in the background. Happily, Solid couldn't have chosen a worse medium for a duel, as [[Chris and music|Solid is so tone deaf]] he doesn't even realize that he is tone deaf. In his mind, his singing voice had "a [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frank Sinatra]] or [[Wikipedia:Bing Crosby|Bing Crosby]] [[Chris_and_reality|flavor]],"<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Introduction_.2830_December_2008.29|Sonichu Girls Introduction]]</ref> making him a sure-fire winner.

After losing the contest, Solid uploaded [[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]], where he pulled a massive [[retcon]] out of his ass and said the contest was just for fun.

This [[saga]] marked a new take on [[Jimmy Hill|previous attempts]] to make Solid believe that someone else was taking all the fame and glory of his [[Sonichu]] creation. By confronting a doppelgänger who was successful in everything he tried to be, Solid began to show a violent side of his psyche. While fruitlessly trying to prove that he was the [[TRUE and HONEST]] person, his actions produced a surge of content unparalleled to anything produced in [[2009]], even to the point of jump-starting the production of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[Liquid Chris|CWCivil War!]]|prevlink=[[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009]]|nextlink=[[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE]]|}}

{{SingStarChallenge}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:SingStar Challenge]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-31]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-31]]

Animal Crossing Documentary

2021-06-06T19:57:51Z

Methalowiec:

The '''''[[Animal Crossing]]''''' '''Documentary''' is an hour-long video featured on [[Chris]]'s homemade [[DVD]]. Here, you can watch 21-year-old [[Chris]] reach the peak of his maturity, as he immerses himself in a video game targeted for kids on one cold November afternoon. Because of how the video is made (gameplay with the player commentating), this could mean Chris created one of the first-ever video {{w|Let's Play|Let's Plays}}.

==Analysis==
The video offers tours of two different towns saved on two different memory cards. The town of [[CWCville]] is home to [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], who wears a Sonichu outfit. The town of CWC City is home to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]], who wears a [[Rosechu]] outfit.

Some of the narration centers around Chris complaining to [[Nintendo]] about his many personal problems. One can only imagine how the hapless ''Nintendo Power'' employee tasked with watching this video felt at hearing Chris [[Honest Content|constantly bring up]] his [[Virgin with rage|virginity and lack of a girlfriend]]. He expects the company to remember his [[fan]] letters regarding his dreams. He also implies that the company should send him [[Chris and reality|birthday presents]], reissue trading cards that went out of print so Chris can collect them, and adopt his fan characters as official [[Pokémon]]. He also expresses his [[Brand loyalty|distaste]] for [[Sony|the PlayStation and the PS2]], but speaks fondly of many obsolete consoles he owns that weren't made by Nintendo. He also mentions he dislikes a ''{{w|Beyblade: Super Tournament Battle|Beyblade}}'' game because it's "not real" (which is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|disturbing]] in retrospect).

Chris has spent an exorbitant amount of [[Chris and money|money]] on ''Animal Crossing'', purchasing not only the base game (retailing at $49.99) but also a number of relatively obscure hardware add-ons that add functionality to the game, including the Game Boy Advance link cable (MSRP $10.00), the e-Reader (retailing at around $40.00) and numerous e-Reader cards. Chris's propensity for blind brand loyalty and consumerism is on full display here: although the aforementioned e-Reader was maligned by many Nintendo fans and is largely forgotten today, Chris fell for it hook, line and sinker, mentioning that he owns a whopping ''63'' e-Reader cards (which, considering each pack of ''Animal Crossing'' cards included five cards and retailed for $5.00, means that Chris spent a minimum of $60.00 on cards alone, assuming that the leftover 3 cards were freebies that were found loose and not purchased).

[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]' [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|debut album]] is featured prominently, as Chris sings several of the songs aloud and has the CD on repeat playing quietly in the background. "[[Yellow is a Mellow Color]]" plays at least three times in the span of an hour. He also sings along to parts of the game. Much like the boatman Charon ferried the souls of the damned to Hades, a character shuttles Sonichu across a river while Chris sings in the voice that got him fired from [[Wendy's]]. The singing becomes high-pitched gibberish after two stanzas.

There are a few odd moments, like where Chris compares two fighting insects to ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', says a [[Niggos|dark-skinned]] hippopotamus reminds him of ''{{w|Sanford and Son}}'', and talks about his strained relationship with his father. Chris also doesn't mention the {{w|Joy to the World (Hoyt Axton song)|bullfrog character named Jeremiah}}, showing his ignorance of popular [[Chris and music|music]] outside of 90's teen pop and the older music [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] liked. Also, he will gladly [[Chris and work#Chores|pull weeds]] in this game but not in [[Father Call|real life]].

Chris mentions "profit" from selling in-game items over and over again. This in no way involves real money and is just Chris selling easily-found items dropped by the game to purchase more furniture and crap, which he finds validating. Chris probably enjoys the game because it showers him with rewards for completing simple tasks, none of which are challenging or stressful.

Chris mentions that his favorite of the NES games available to play in-game is ''{{w|Donkey Kong Jr. Math}}'' because it "really [[Slow-in-the-minds|challenges the mind]] in the math area". The math featured in the game is simple arithmetic that should be well below the average middle schooler's level, much less that of a 21-year-old college student who supposedly graduated high school on the [[honor roll]].

This "[[documentary]]" also provides insight into how Chris projects his own lifestyle onto a video game. His hoarding enters the realm of video games, as he uses his island house to store almost a dozen dressers full of in-game objects. His two houses are full of clutter, his in-game bedrooms look eerily like [[Chris's room|his own]] (right down to a small bed surrounded by clutter), and he refers to every generic "nice" female character as being [[sweetheart|sweet]], and being a genuine [[gal pal|friend]] of his.

This is Chris at his most infantile, immersing himself in a game full of soft animal characters with no conflict or challenge. Throughout the documentary, Chris tells jokes that [[Random access humor|don't make sense in the given context]] and [[Chris and music|plays his poorly dubbed versions of pop songs]]. Note that most of the animals in the game immediately run into their houses whenever Chris tries to go near them.

==Video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name=Animal Crossing Documentary
| image = {{#ev:youtube|5QtOj7rNFCY}}
| stardate = 22nd [[November 2003]]
| maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Website|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|[[Honest Content|Informative]]}}
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}, {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[The City of Cwicville Tour!#Watch|The City of Cwicville Tour]]
| next = [[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
}}</center>

===Outline===

{| class="wikitable"
| 00:01-01:24 || Introduction
|-
| 01:25-19:39 || Tour of Cwcville (part 1 of 2)
|-
| 19:40-25:19 || Trip to Cwcville Island
|-
| 25:20-35:24 || Tour of Cwcville (part 2 of 2)
|-
| 35:25-36:44 || Interlude
|-
| 36:45-52:39 || Tour of Cwc City
|-
| 52:40-53:39 || Interlude
|-
| 53:40-55:54 || Conclusion
|}

==Transcription==

'''Introduction'''

[''Video begins with the Nintendo GameCube startup logo as Chris sings along like a retard, followed by the Nintendo logo with Chris saying "Nintendo."'']

[00:24]

Hello Nintendo! Welcome to my ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia and I is [''sic''] 21 years old and I play because I am young at heart. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in ''Animal Crossing''.

[''Goes to main menu'']

[00:48]

The city's name is CWCville. See, those are my initials CWC. That's why it is spelled that way.

[''Picking menu options'']

[01:01]

And my character's name is Sonichu. You may remember him from, ahh, previous letters I have sent to you guys in the past.

[01:10]

[''Game starts to load town'']

Anyway we are going to get set up now. [''Chris starts singing'']

[''Game is done loading'']

We usually do have a good time.

[1:25]

So anyway, stepping out is my character [[Sonichu]]. He's wearing the [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] with the character on it. Like I said you might remember his face. And there's his actual face.

[''Shows a sign with the face of Sonichu on it'']

You remember the rest of his body you see the whole picture.

And before we get to the daily routines I'm goin' let you...I'm goin' to take you on a tour of my [[house]] as well as uh, as well as you know, uh, a daily routine. We'll take a tour of the town, but first the house. You see this logo here, that is the logo to [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|my website on the internet]]. If you would like to visit, here is the address. I'm going to leave it up for a few seconds.

[''Shows the address to his website for a few seconds'']

[2:02]

Alright, that's enough. Now we're gonna take a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of my house]].

Turn on the light so you can see better. This is my first floor, obviously. I keep things well organized. I got room to walk around in; I can even dance, wanna see me do I bit?

[''Chris begins to sing'']

[[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|Yellow is a mellow color]] 
Yes it is a mellow color 
Sonichu zaps a lightning 
EEEEEHHHHH mellow color 

[''Chris stops singing'']

Yeah. Course...a...when I, a...do a dance...I usually like to have my uh...audience.

[''Chris puts a wallpaper up on his house, resembling wrestling fans who just witnessed a Stone Cold Stunner.'']

Dodedododododoo. But since it's getting close to [[Christmas]], I have the snowflakes on the wall instead. And I keep it in this closet. So anyway here's a fun thing. This snowman, he teach me how to play piano. And by the way just to let you know in case...a...you can hear the, a...music in the background.

[''Chris appears to be playing [[So Need a Cute Girl]]'']

Those are my karaoke numbers that I actually ma...that I actually made up lyrics to, and I have played and, uh, sang my voice over the originals. So let me give you an example; may I Mister Snowman? "Please go right ahead!" Alright.

[''Chris begins to sing again while Sonichu bangs on the piano, which emits no sound'']

[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Tell me why]] 
I'm stuck as a 
[[Virgin with Rage]]? 
[[Semen#Recycling|Tell me why]] 
I so need a 
Cute Girl my age 
[[Medallions_of_Fail|Tell me why]] 
I never wanna 
Hear you say 
I have a boyfriend!

[''Chris stops singing'']

And that was inspired by a [[Love Quest|real thing]]. By the way that's your website...that is your website isn't it? Nintendo.com, it's a nice place to visit; but we cannot live there. Which brings us up to our next subject...

[''A calendar of November appears on the screen'']

...the [[diary]]. You guys did a good job of it going back and forth within a 12 month radius. By the way, this is my birthday, right here my actual birthday, I was born in 1982. You guys...in case you want to take a note there. OK, that's long enough. So anyway uh, it does make a...not only does it work for a calendar, but it makes for a good monthly journal. As for a monthly journal entry here in November.

[''Chris begins to scroll up and down his journal entry'']

Yeah I tried to get a girlfriend because, I don't have a girlfriend. But I have made up a poem, let you guys read it.

{{quotebox|My dreams of getting a girlfriend was crushed by the medeling [''sic''] [[Mary_Lee_Walsh|"Mary Lee Walsh."]] 
Christian Chandler. 
November 4, 2003 
Saddest Heart in the World 
Lonesome and sad, lonesome and sad, the "Mastermind" is very bad. In efforts of getting a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free gal]], that female dog took my only idea for a fall. Heart-broken, sad and very lonely, I'll never remove my virginity. And with Backstreet Boys' tune, I sing my lonesome croon: "Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage. Tell me why, I so need a...}}

All right. Scroll down a little bit as we go along.

''...cute girl my age. Tell me why, I ain't ever wanna hear you say 'I have a boyfriend.'" And so, deep in dreary thought, a girl was what I sought. A stitch in time, will never remove my...''

It's a very good pro...poem, because I am an artist, as well as a poet. I make a rhyme every time.

''...crying rhyme. I may be destined for loneliness forever, fate is to blame...whatever. I conclude this cry, to say that as long as there are no matching girls, my happiness well runs dry.''

Anyway that's my poem, but in case...a, you didn't notice here. Look right here, "Tell me why, I'm stuck as a virgin with rage." I put my song lyric in here because it was inspired; because I do not have a girlfriend. You know why, cause I have a [[Noviophobia|phobia]] that every girl I talk to she already has a boyfriend.

Right. So anyway moving on with the tour of my house. As you can see I've got- I'm collecting the NES games. I've got most of them down here, and I've got a couple upstairs. One of 'em's fake you know the one I'm talking about, does April 1st strike a bell? But my favorite game is right here.

[''"Would you like to play 
DK Jr MATH?"'']

I like it because...a, it really challenges the mind in the math area and gets your memory fresh there. And by the way, notice the two logos here?

[''Chris is making a motion towards the GameCube and N64 logos'']

It's a good way to welcome the guests, that come into your house. Ol' Nintendo 64 on the left, and GameCube on the right, caught them before an after deal. Oh and look at this, a good little south feng shui here. Of course makes for a good welcome mat. Speaking of feng shui, I've got my red items against the east side, in hopes of getting more NES games; specially that Wario's Woods. By the way, how the heck do you get that game anyway? I mean all you tell us do to is to go to Animal Island. And then what the heck do we do? You should have given us more details, back in the previous issue of uh, the Crossing Guardian.

Speaking of which I've been a long time subscriber. So therefore I've got all their previous issues. And I time travel back and forth when I start ''Animal Crossing'' to collect a few items, but in respect to uh...time traveling back because I missed a few items, I made a new character named "Tim Timetale" and, uh, he time-traveled back and got the remaining items, give them to me, as well as the other character I made up, and, uh, the, uh, the other city in Slot B, which, uh, I'll tell you about that later.

[6:45]

[''Character walks up stairs to the second floor of house'']

Anyway, we're going upstairs. This is my [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. It's a lot of fun, isn't it, because I like to make things fun since, you know, I'm young at heart. And here's a fun joke. Turn on the [[TV]] [''he does, but it just shows static''] sit down and watch TV while I wait t-to get on the [[Internet]]. It's a good way to kill time anyway. Anyway, here's the fake [''brings up caption for the April Fool's NES game, Super Tortimer'']. Sound familiar? Right [''[[sigh|sighs]]'']. Anyway, this is my bed. The harvest bed. Nice choice, isn't it? I'm going to take a quick nap.

[7:17]

[''Character lays down on bed while Chris makes snoring noises too close to the microphone'']

OK. Nap's over. All right. You want to see my music collection? [''Brings up music menu''] It's all good. I got them all courtesy of K.K. Slider. Well, of course, the first one was a freebie from the e-Reader card. "Swipe, Swipe, Swipe". Anyway, here's the fan and the Mario Brothers stuff. Oh, and uh you notice what time it is? It's 1:15. Good time to start. In the afternoon.

[7:48]

[''Character walks down stairs to first floor of house'']

Anyway, now we're going down to the basement.

[''Character walks down stairs to the basement of house'']

Let me just turn on the lights. I keep my models down here. It's a nice little aero fa [sic] models, and I leave enough room for me to walk around in. Well, that's a cute joke.

''"Hey. Stop. You're under arrest."'' 
''"What for?"'' 
''"For, uh, being the black market, you red fox."'' 
''"Ah, geez."'' 

And I got both houses. Yeah, I scored that high with the HRA. Notice this train? I wonder where it's headed to. It's probably headed over to the memory card in Slot B. I'll tell you about that city later. Anyway. This is where I do my cooking. If, uh, if you can ever do your cooking in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube. I have that DVD. And this is the fridge. I could store my food in there, but I can't. What? Does it have a padlock on it or something? Oh, look. Here's my phone. Let's make a phone call. [''Pulls up phone menu, calling the Dial-a-Psychic''] Hello? Thank you. Good advice. Hey. Let's have a seat on this thing. I like this thing. Listen to this. [''Character sits on the couch and it makes a fart noise'']. Let me do that again. [''Character again jumps on the farting couch''] One more time. [''Character again jumps on farting couch with predictable results''] OK. That's enough. Too much fun and [[Random-access humor|you'll die laughing]].

[9:04]

[''Character walks up stairs to first floor of house'']

So anyway, that's my house. Let me just turn off the lights before I leave.

[''Character walks out the front door of house'']

Alright, now where going to go through my daily routines. As well as a tour of the town.

[''Pause menu pops up'']

You notice I've got an empty inventory. And by the way, here's a good rule of thumb. Keeping my shovel, net, pole, axe, and letters here on the bottom row. You know why? I'll tell you bout that when we get to the next shop. Anyway, I usually check my mail; what do you know I got three presents. Let's see what this one is though. [[Bob]].

''How ARE you, Sonichu? Well now, I bet your bottom Bell you didn't expect me to cut out and split town, huh? Nope, I shocked the world! I'm turning over a new leaf- see you on the flip side! Laters, Bob''

Oh I guess he moved out, oh well.

[''Sonichu proceeds to throw out poor Bob's letter, then collect his gifts from the remaining letters'']

Anyway, let's see what we got from the, uh, probably from the museum; because I dig up those fossils and uh...I sell them. Makes a nice profit.

[''Sonichu throws away all three letters'']

I just quickly uh read through them and then throw them away. You know like...junk mail! You could also say pop-ups if they had "x's" on em.

[''Sonichu begins to open his gifts'']

See what we got here, A dinosaur track, a Tricera tail, and a dinosaur egg. Well that'll make a nice profit. By the way, in case you missed it the first time I'll put it up again.

[''Once again shows the address to his website'']

Ok you got it, alright now. Before we head to Nook's shop which will be the last stop on the tour; we go- we're gonna take the rest of the tour here. Alright let's see. Well this is the train station. But I travel to the other city which I'll tell you about now. The name of the city is CWCcity. Spelled C-W-C-c-i-t-y, we'll visit there later, but not by train of course. It'll be a hou-It'll be a run by the, uh, character named [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|Crystal]], C-r-y-s-t-a-l, when we get there. All right. Oh, look at this, a hole in the ground.

[''opens the menu to equip his golden shovel'']

Yeah, you see, sometimes there's an item in CWCcity. I don't have it here in CWCville because I have CWCville a lot longer than CWCcity. I bring stuff from CWCcity over here.

[''he digs up the buried item - it's a folding chair'']

'Cause obviously I did not collect this one yet. I got a good memory.

[''Sonichu screws up and digs another hole; he cleans both of them up'']

And also, you know, I got a good taste for music because I grew up on music. So anyway let's move on with- oh, you notice this [a golden statue of Sonichu]? You know why this is here?

[''This statue was erected in honor of Sonichu's full loan repayment!'']

I paid my debt. And this is Sonichu's mug again, right next to the master.

[''Sonichu runs past a sign reading "H.F.A." with two almost invisible red eyes'']

Oh, look at this. H.F.A. And very mean eyes. Must mean something bad. ...I know what it means. I'll tell you about it at the end of the documentary here. Uh, the city of CWCville and CWCcity, or otherwise all the deal [?] in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube, in a nutshell.

[''Sonichu enters the acre with the post office on it'']

So anyway, here's the post office, do my mailing and such and the e-Reader swipes. By the way there's a good way to profit from the e-Reader, I'll tell you about it in CWCcity.

[''Sonichu comes across a shining ring in the ground'']

Oh, what do you know! A money spot. I'll just dig up the thousand bells.

[''Sonichu pulls a shovel out of his inventory and digs up the money sack'']

Yep, thousand bells, just bury that up. Mmm, drag it up there. Use the R button to quickly pick up the items.

[''Sonichu enters the acre with the dump in it, he enters it'']

Anyway, here's the dump. I come here first, pick up the- whatever items I want every time I start ''Animal Crossing''. Hmm, got a shirt, what do we have here? A plant. I's have picked up a pothos before so I know it's a plant.

[''Sonichu starts wandering into some acres filled with trees'']

I don't really use plants in my house you n-n-noticed, except for that Christmas Tree but that's for, you know, the holidays. Anyway she's around here, I want to show you my favorite character that I kind of got to know from the start.

[''Sonichu finds his way into an acre with a house on it'']

Oop, she just went in. So let's go say hello.

[''Sonichu follows some green squirrel into a house and rams into it'']

Yeah uhm, uhm, would you come out here please?

[''Sonichu walks back into the center of the room and back into the green squirrel, he pushes it into a corner'']

Mmm... Darnit, I can't see her but anyway uh, I think you recognize her. Oh here we go a little bit. Yeah Mint, she's a sweety.

[''Sonichu talks to Mint about some random crap'']

She gave me a birthday present on my 21st birthday when I time-traveled back. Talk to me!

[''Mint rambles on about how it's cold out and how winter's coming'']

Well, what did ya expect? It's November.

[''Mint asks Sonichu if he has a heater'']

Yeah I got a heater in the basement.

[''Mint jokingly mocks him about turning on heaters during November'']

[Chris chuckles] Yea.

[''Mint says something about how it's going to get colder'']

That's right. Well, I'll see you later Minty, you're a sweety.

[''Sonichu leaves Mint's house'']

Anyway that's uhh all so on the trip. We'll take a look at all the other colorful characters we have around here.

[''The town map comes up, different acres are examined'']

Also uh every time I keep track of the-uh map so that I can see if anyone new came in. Oh, we got a new neighbor, Bertha. I haven't noticed her before. So she's obviously new. So anyway uh, let's move on.

[''Sonichu starts running through the woods and comes across some kangaroo'']

Here's another character I grew up with. Actually she moved in, and lived here most of the time. Marcy. And now she's wearing a Sonichu shirt. Sonichu is very popular in CWCville.

[''Sonichu heads south to an acre with some green mouse's house in it'']

There's Anicotti, she just went in.

[''Sonichu heads west and finds some horse's house'']

And there's Elmer. He just went in, he's one of the senior citizens around here too. I say that because he's lived here- by the way our ne- our city pe- fruit is a peach. But I've grown a lot of orange, pears n such.

[14:15]

[''Sonichu heads west and finds a white cat, she says something about how CWCville is amazing'']

Oh whaddya' know, it's that girl from the train.

[''He talks to Blanca'']

I draw her face every time, but when I'm in a hurry I just color it, the whole thing, and she just looks like a... ''Blank face''. But I gave her a face last time.

[''Sonichu starts to head out of the acre but turns around and runs back in, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]] begins to play in the background. Chris's "singing" is clearly audible'']

Oh, there was another character up here on the hill.

[''Sonichu heads to a goat's house by a river'']

And she just came out, Chevre. What do you know, she's wearing Elmer's clothes.

[''Sonichu runs out of that acre back into the woods'']

Anyway, moving on with the tour.

[''Sonichu comes to some giant tree with a fountain thing in front of it, Chris mistakes it for a well. Some billboards are to the right of it'']

Well, [Chris chortles] good joke. Anyway I also, you know I like to use the billboards, put my signs up. There's my Sonichu site logo, there's Sonichu's mug. I got two here side by side represent the holidy and such. Yea here we got your corn that you got from the previous issue and I drew this leaf.

[''It doesn't look like a leaf'']

Obviously for Thanksgiving and the harvest festival.

[''A blue bear walks into the video'']

Oh, look there's Groucho. He's wearin' a Sonichu site shirt. Let's say hello.

[''Sonichu starts speaking with Groucho'']

Entertain me.

[''Groucho bitches about his mom and fruit'']

A fruit huh?

[''Groucho offers Sonichu an apple, Sonichu accepts'']

I-I'll take one. Yeah, it makes a nice little profit when you talk to them and most of the time it happens from the jobs.

[''Sonichu walks east and comes across a green lion's house'']

So anyway. Yeah, here's Leopold, he moved in a long time-

[''Sonichu makes his way to a green rooster's abode'']

Here's Hank, he's one of the senior citizens around here also. [unintelligible]

[''Sonichu runs to a teal hippo's house'']

Let's go see our new neighbor. Oh, here she is. She must be Bertha. Hello Bertha.

[''Sonichu talks to Bertha, Bertha talks about how nice the town is, etc.'']

It is a nice place. Heh you're scatterbrained. Yeah, okay, well see you around!

[''Sonichu heads south towards a museum'']

[Chris Grunts] Here's the Museum.

[''Sonichu heads inside'']

Let's go look at the exhibits.

[''We see the inside of the museum as Sonichu heads toward the insect section'']

First, we'll look at the bug exhibit.

[''Sonichu is now inside the insect section'']

I caught most of the bugs.

I'll show 'ya. This is my bug collection, I caught them all one-by-one and donated them one-by-one.

[[I Got A Fish|Wanna' see my number of fish?]] Not as much. Not as much. Anyway, uh, all the bugs are just runnin' around here. Hey, whaddya' know, we got a couple- few bugs on the trees here. Two of them are fighting. Well, that's funny, like [[cats|Lucy and Desi]]. [[I Love Lucy|I love Lucy]].

Anyway, uh, nebit, cebit, zibit, the fish exhibit. Yeah, you can see here I caught those fish and I donated them. Hmm, this one is empty. I guess it's waiting for a kind donation. Yeah, here's a bunch of fish; here's some more fish. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Alright, anyway, moving on with the tour the museum, take a look at the paintings. I haven't gotten them all yet, but, uh, I got a few. Here's a nice one, it's strange though. sw- why- I gu- why I'd call it a strange painting. Yeah, some of them are- most of them are just waiting for a kind donation, but I got this one from a swipe. Your uh, Common Painting, from Ol' Boots. Well, my favorite painting around here is, uh, right here. Washington crossing the Delaware, but you guys call it the Classic Paining.

Anyway, moving on. We're gonna' check out what I worked hard for and actually got done, the fossil section. All the fossils, right here; all of them! Dug them all up! Though the last one I completed and the last one I picked up was the pterodactyl. All I needed was the right wing and that completed the pterodactyl. As well as the fossil exhibit; and who's my favorite? It's obvious.

Anyway- oh, you can actually see a bug in that amber, y'know? That right there, I wonder what kind of bug that is. I think it was in the, uh, insect thing. Oh well, forget it. Anyway, moving on with the tour, leaving the museum. See you later, sleeping Blathers.

Well, here's another neighbor, Cookie; She just went in. Alright. Well, anyway, uh, since we're, uh, down here, I'm gonna' tell you a couple of things. This is a- here's a- here's the dock, right here, and there's the sea turtle. Of course I usually would check around the, uh, beach lines for old Gulliver, that sailor bird. You should have called him Pelliper like the Pokémon. You notice these two signs here? You need a Game Boy Advance to get started, but when you come back, welcome to the Gamecube.

Anyway, let's go visit the island real quick, 'cuz I'll show you something fun you could do on the island. I use my Game Boy Advance SP but I do have a GBA as well. Well, I use the, uh, SP for, uh, y'know the e-Reader because y'know my Digimon players. It's, uh, easier to hold as swiping as, as compared to the, uh, GBA, the original. Yeah- this sweet young lass, so full of spunk an' sass, over tea, she tells me I gots no class.I ain't no crummy creep who lives in [[Barbara|trash heaps]]! I'm just one old sea-hun who needs some sleep. *unintelligible noises* No, I do not. *rhythmic unintelligible noises* Woooh! I know, the singing annoys me too. I just mock it, and that's- that's why I kinda' have this thing on mute anyway. I listen to my music... every time I play. I actually turn it off right after we- just after we- just as we leave the, uh, bridge there.

So, anyway, this is my island, Cwcville island. Looket all these coconuts here, "In the tropical seas with the coconut trees, we will look and see, coconut." Fine little way to make a profit. Here's Flash. "Troz." I gave him that expression, like ''{{w|Pinky and the Brain}}''. So, let's say hello.

''[Flash asks for Sonichu's [[Fashion|rugby shirt]]]

I'll let you have it, 'cause [[Muscle bra|I don't need it]]. It doesn't look too bad on you.

Anyway, here's a fun way to make a profit, a'course, you need the Gameboy Advance for this. You shake the trees, you grab the coconuts. I put them all over her- I gathered them all over here, in this area, and then I just drag them over to the bird. And after the first three coconuts, he gives me money. And I just all put 'em back in the proper place around here. And when I come back to the island, Gamecube version, instead of the uh, on the Gamecube instead of in the Gameboy Advance, after uploading I collect the money, go as high as 30,000 bells, which is very nice.

Anyway, I'll show you what you can do on the house in the island.

[''Goes inside the house'']

I use mine as storage for the, uh, extras items I, uh, don't have room for, at home. Yeah, I got a bunch. 'Course, I got mostly wallpaper and shirts, that's why I got all these dressers.

[''Looks inside a dresser'']

But I've gotten all the uh, carpets from, uh, Sahara. She was here yesterday. Wel- How do I know? I usually keep track, I made a special sticker with my Gameboy camera and I just uh, whenever there's a holiday or ah, when there's a special event as noted by the Copper, I note it on the calendar with one of those special stickers, or write it down whether it's for Cwcville or Cwc City.

[''Exits the house'']

Anyway, we're going to leave the island. See you later Flash! Troz! Or Zort!

[''Goes to Kapp'n so he can leave'']

Hey Kapp'n. Yeah I'm leavin'. No thank you.

[''Gets on the boat'']

Oh, by the way Sonichu's mug is the flag of the island. Obviously. Don't worry, this time I'm not going to imitate his singin'.

Instead I'll talk about something random. [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

Oh, by the way, those two characters at the tailor shop, Mabel and Sabel, are they hedgehogs or porcupines, cuz I dunno. They look like hedgehogs, and or porcupines, but ah, I'm not sure which are they. But either way, if they're hedgehogs, you got my vote on Sonic. Speaking of which, you should have make- ''Sonic Heroes'' should be Nintendo Gamecube exclusive, because [[Xbox]] and [[Sony|PlayStation 2]], my opinion is the same as yours, they both stink. Yeah, I do not even own them, I do not even want them, and that goes double for the PS One as well.

But if you want to know my game systems, I've had my Gamecube for about almost a year and a half now, got it on May thirty-first, twenty o'two. I got your SNES, Nintendo 64, NES, I got the Genesis 301, with the uh, original Genesis, 32X and Sega CD, as well as Sega Dreamcast, and a Sega Saturn. So I've got mostly all of them, I've been a Sonic fan forever, and that's why I'm glad that Sonic came to Nintendo.

[''Arrives back at Cwcville'']

By the way, you all may remember, that I sent you guys a letter, talking about my dream of Sonic on Game Boy, well you go on my website, check the uh, about the author section, you'll see the ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine cover I made up just for the occasion.

Anyway, welcome back to the Gamecube, let's move on with the tour, shall we? Anyway, we're gonna check the island. Oh, Lighthouse, oh will look at this, there's a weed, I pick weeds, keeps my town clean, as well as uh, Cwc City.

Oh, here's the other billboard I don't kn-know if I've shown you, [[Pokémon|Magikarp]]. that's for the fishing tourney, I drew a Magikarp just for it. Yeah, that's a Magikarp, I didn't have room for a Gyarados.

So, way, ah, here's the Tailor Shop. I got a Game Boy Advance right here as well because, you know, I can use my Gameboy Advance here. So let's go in and see what I got on display.

[''Enters Able Sisters shop'']

Yeah I mean what are they, hedgehogs or porcupines, cuz I can't tell. Anyway, I got Sonichu an Ro-, I got Sonichu right here. Oh, and by the way, this is his girlfriend, you want to know what her name is? [[Rosechu]]. See how that's spelled? Yeah, but you'll see- you'll probably see her and her body on the uh, letter that's included with the VHS here. So anyway, that's her favorite flower, called the Zapbud. Oh, and there's my Sonichu site logo, there's you acc- that you featured in ''Nintendo Power''. And a nice (swipe?) for the Poké Ball, as well as Star Fox emblem.

[''Opens up his saved patterns'']

Here, let me show you the uh, rest of my uh, patterns. Most of them I put together. There's Sonic, right there. And this is Sonichu's evil twin, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]. I made the Mario as uh, kinda like, you know, the ''Nintendo Power''. Duh. If you guys had a shirt already, and the uh, game, that's from me and then you'll find out later. Oh, because [[It will never end|Spider-Man]] was in town recently, I was inspired. An here's Old Glory. Let's see. Yeah, these are the uh, older patterns I uh, kinda picked up from the shirts as much. And these are patterns I put together myself, there's the Magikarp, and there are others, like you got from ''Nintendo Power'', like the corn, [[the Moon]], groovy. Groovy! I call it groovy. There's the mushroom and the mug. Oh, I got something ready for Christmas, you know, you may notice the wreath back there. Let's see, yeah, here the uh, swiped images. Ah, by the way, you remember Tim Timetrail, that's his logo right there, I call it Time Travel, it's got his name written on there, Time- Tim Timetrail.

Could you excuse me for a minute, I've got an itch in my eye. [''A few seconds pause''] Alright. Anyway, that's taken care of. Let's see, I guess.

[''Selects Time Travel shirt and moves it around'']

What'd I do that for? I'm putting it back. Anyways that's-a, images I got so far.

[''Talks to Mabel'']

No, no thank you, we got nothing. So I'll see you all later. Or ah, another day, somewhat. Hey, I think that looks uh-familiar, what Mabel's sewing up, or's that Sabel? I think that's the noodle design.

[''Exits Able Sisters shop'']

Anyway, moving on. Another weed, well what do you know about that. I usually like to run, it ke-keeps me going faster. Oh, by the way, Puck lives here.

Oh, what do you know, a hole in the ground. I usuall- also usually uh, during my rounds, ["Digs up fossil"] I check for these holes. ["Raises pitch of voice"] And it's an antique! And of course, if I dig up a fossil I just quickly write a letter to the Museum. And I don't have to write anything, so I just get that out of the way real quick. I only keep my shovel in hand cuz there may be a few more holes around here somewhere. Well look at this, another weed.

Anyway, no bird today. So le- let's go see Copper, see if there's anything new at the police station.

[''Talks to Copper'']

Any goings-on? Nothing of import, huh.

It's hard to catch that b- bird you know, the uh, postal character Pete. One time I tried, but then he just flew away. Anyway, you got anything in the police station today Copper? That is uh, anything lost? Oh, we got something? Oh good, I'll go take it, I just usually pick it up and sell it later.

[''Enters police station'']

By the way, as fer the Gulliver, if he has something I have not collected yet, I'll usually keep it. Seeds? Oh well, I'll take it. I could always plant those. Cuz they won't make much of a profit. Anyway, if uh, Gulliver has a gave me something that I already have, I usually just sell it.

[''Exits Police Station'']

Makes a nice profit. Uh anyway, let's plant these flowers. Uh, here's a good place.

[''Plants flowers'']

Alright, what do you know, red tulips.

Anyway uh, there's ah, what's her name. Oh yeah, Portia. Anyway, uh, let's see. Oh yeah, there's Leigh right there.

Oh by the way, you know for Mint? I got her card as well, her ''Animal Crossing'' card. Oh yeah, Chuckles! He likes to wear belt buckles! [[Random Access Humor|Rhyme joke]]. So anyway, uh, moving a little north. Here's the uh, Nook Shop. I got it the best, obviously. But if it gets any better, I'll be surprised. So anyway, uh, let's go inside.

[''Enters Nook's Shop'']

See what see what look lik- See what old Nook has today. [''Sighs'']. Oh, I got to sell these items, I usually do that, I sell him the items.

[''Starts selling things to Nook'']

Items I don't need. Those fossils make a nice little profit, espeg- especially the uh, one that's not within the top five. Whoops. I pressed the B button by mistake.

[''Continues to sell, and starts to hum'']

Doops, I goofed. Yeah, foreign fruits, 500. Although the peaches only get you 100 here. By the way, same fruit in Cwc City, it's a pear. Oh, and I need a sign anyway, so I'll just go ahead and get one of those.

[''Buys sign, clicks through Nook's dialogue about using the sign, and starts humming'']

Anyway, we're going upstairs.

[''Goes upstairs'']

What do ya know, we got the gruesome twosome. They're a comical pair. Ugn, let's see, a blue dresser. Uhh, iris table, refrigerator. Yes, I got this refrigerator already, so I don't need it. I already got the water bird. I've seen those shirts before. Ugn, look at all of these two, they chase me around wherever I go, like I'm some sort kind of [[Autism|nut]] or something. Watch this.

[''Chris makes odd noises that might be mistaken for humming, as he runs around the store and watches the salesman chase him. Sometimes art does imitate real life'']

Almost caught me there. Okay, I'm leaving.

[''Goes downstairs'']

Let's see, was there any other business I need? Oh, I guess I need more paper. So I'll get a sheet, get a pack.

[''Buys paper'']

That's quick, I just pick a random style and just go with that. By the way, in case you're wondering about those button noises, I got the microphone taped to the uh, Gamecube Wavebird here.

Anyway, I'll show you something you can do with the raffle tickets you pick up from here.

[''Exits Nook's Store'']

Instead of making a [[Tour of Chris's House|mess in my house]], I bury them right here, next to the Nook Shop. It's a good place to locate them. So when I'm ready at the end of the month, I just pick up as many as I can hold.

[''Digs up raffle ticket, then buries it again'']

I'm just going to put it back, because it ain't November 30th yet. Oh I guess I don't need this shovel anymore.

[''Puts away shovel'']

Now I'm going to make use of this uh, sign here, the way I should have long time ago, because I didn't think about it. It's already been done in Cwc City, but... Right here by the Post Office, you can use your GBA, oh, well that's a bad place for it. I'm picking it back up. Oh what do you know, another weed.

[''Pulls weed'']

Must of missed that earlier. Anyway, you may post a design, Gameboy Advance, whoops.

[''Picks up sign accidentally'']

What'd I do that for, I'm puttin' it back.

[''Puts it back and adds Gameboy design again'']

There we go. [''Burps''] Excuse me. Hm, I've got well over fifty thousand, so I'm going to make a deposit.

[''Enters Post Office'']

It's ny- It's a good idea to- that you guys did have when you made this thing not only a post office. Oh, I got to mail off that fossil anyway. And I don nee- And it's a good idea to not only you make this into a post office but a bank, saves ya a building. So anyway, see, let's make a deposit. One, two, three, four, five.

[''Deposits 50,000 bells'']

Seven hundred and fifty thousand. It's good saved. I made most of my money from the e-Reader swipes, which I'll tell you about that in Cwc City.

[''Exits Post Office'']

Anyway, uh, lets see. I guess that's it for Cwcville. You guys will be back later. And that- And when you come back, I'll tell you about this sign here. [''Sign saying "H.F.A"'']

Anyway, I'm going home, and I'm gonna save. You may save, Mister Gyroid.

[''Goes inside the house to save, hums a bit'']

You may save and quit.

[''Noise in the background, possibly the radio'']

[''Chris begins to sing''] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do, hey mellow color! Yellow is a mellow color, yes it is. [''Chris stops singing'']

Okay. see you in Cwcville- I mean Cwc City.

[''Title screen'']

At this time, I switched the memory cards. Cuz, ah, I got Cwcvville currently in Slot A, and Cwc City in Slot B. I'm switching the two, putting City in Slot A and Ville in Slot B. So now I'm pressin' the start button.

And here's a resident, Iggy. Here you got- get that down. Cwc City, that's the name of the city right there.

[''Yellow Is A Mellow Color playing faintly in the background'']

And that's her name, Crystal, make sure you get that down. Alright, getting things ready. Have a blast, huh, well that's a fun thing to say.

[''Cwc City is loaded, and starts'']

Anyway ah, this is Crystal. She's wearing the uh, Rosechu look. There's a Zapbud on the door, I got Sonichu- Rosechu's mug right here. [''A sign with Rosechu's face on it''] Yeah, an her ensemble, but let's take a tour of her house first.

[''Goes inside the house'']

It ain't much since, uh, she basically got started, but she's almost done paying off her debt to old Nook. There's your website again. [''A Nintendo bench with their website on it''] Oh look, there's the R-Wing, launching into the uh, Super Mario Brother's World. [''The wallpaper is from Mario'']

Which reminds me, I got to get those two boxes to those two passwords later. Anyway, here's her diary. She got started only on November twelfth. Sonichu got started on October twenty-fourth. Anyway let's see, what else have we got here. Yeah, I got the two logos. Well would you look at that, I got them in the wrong place.

[''Starts moving around the logos'']

Oh well, I'll just move 'em. I didn't notice that before, I got 'em in the wrong place. Well that's no problem. I'll just quickly move them around. Hm, they make it loo- You guys make it look tough to move things around, but actually it's not. Let's see what time it is. Oh, it's one forty-five, huh? Well, it's getting close to being later in the afternoon.

There's her tree, she's getting ready for Christmas too. Let's take a quick trip upstairs.

[''Goes upstairs'']

She got her NES games she got collected up here. A plain old falsehood right there, Super Tortimer. Why'd you guys make that game up anyway? It's so- It's stupid. Cuz it's fake. Anyway, here's a thing. I got lucky and found this. I think I dug it up. Oh-no, wait a minute, I got it from Redd, long time ago. Oh, here's her harvest bed. I got a couple empty tables for- getting ready for a couple more NES games. [''Sighs'']

[''Goes downstairs'']

Anyway uh,

[''Continues down to the basement'']

Her basement isn't sa- as busy as uh, Cwcville, but she's got a few models down here. A couple of tracks models. Oh, there's the Moon. You guys made that thing really big you know, it's too big for me, if you ask my opinion.

Huh, Katrina's a little off, I'm just gonna move her real quick, there we go. Alright, you know there's the glow clock, you notice I had glow [[pickles|cock]]- glow clock in the basement in Cwcville as well.

Oh, you know what, ah, ruh- Crystal's worn her Rosechu outfit long enough.

[''Tries to change her outfit'']

Oops. I guess I can't do that yet. Well, never mind.

[''Goes upstairs'']

Anyway, moving on.

[''Leaves house'']

Before we take a tour of the city, I'mma tell you how to make a f- how you make a fun profit with the e-Reader. I'll check the bulletin board.

[''Checks the bulletin board'']

Ah, that's an oldie.

[''Walks to the Train Station'']

Anyway, 'course, there's the Train Station, I told you earlier about that in Cwcville. There's Rosey's mug. You see no statue cuz, she hasn't paid her debt off. That's why we're going to do this with Crystal. Oh, give me a second would ja, I got to do something real quick.

[''A few seconds pass'']

I'm having my Game Boy and my Wavebird at the same time. That's why I put it over there too.

I use my uh, SP as well here. You know, ah, my funds uh, right here, right? Help my funds. I'm gonna- show you guys something real quick- I use my Game Boy Advance SP to help me out here, since you know, the Digimon deal. Not only that, but, the noise it makes, helps me, uh, clarify, whether I uh, got the card read right. I usually do it ten at a time, I'll tell- elaborate about that more later. But I'm gonna do this on purpose, uh, swipe it awkwardly.

Oops, I musta goofed up. Anyway, gonna try that again, see and ah uh, hear the noise that makes.

Oh, that's right, cuz, ya see, I uh, prepared in advance by, uh, [''Clears throat''] you know, showing you showing my profit.

By goin' on ahead and takin' care of the first set of thirty cards out of 63 that I own so far. Cuz like I said, do it ten at a time. By anyway, ah,

[''Exits Post Office'']

[''Sighs'']

Let me just go ahead an uh, show you how you make a nice little profit. Okay, first step you uh, swipe the first ten cards, right? Cuz that's the maximum you can hold in your mailbox. Open your mailbox, get your ten letters into your hold there. And then you just, ah, grab and drop it to the first ten slots. By the way, rule of thumb, elaborate earlier with the five down here. Cuz you know, when you ah, sell your items to Tom, it usually ends up on the first item, and you- that, that way you have these guys on the bottom, they will not get in the way, you won't have to move the uh, hand.

So anyway, uh, we're gonna go to the Nook Shop. There's Iggy again, gonna play with his ball. Like I said, I haven't gotten that far here yet, in Cwc City.

[''Enters Nook Shop'']

There's old Tom. I've taken care of all my uh, errands, like ah, Chris and the little Sonichu I showed you back there. Anyway, we're going to do some selling.

[''Starts selling things to Nook, some other song from Christian and the Hedgehog Boys in the background'']

Obviously, I don't have sa- much to say at this point. So I'm just going to let you guys listen to the music while I sell.

[About 30 seconds later, he finishes selling, and leaves the store]

Okay, I got more to say. After I uh, sell the uh, first set ten, I get that out of the way. Like I said before, of course I do this with the R button.

[''Starts removing gifts from letters, then deleting the letters'']

I just pick up, and put 'em over there. 'Course, I have precise order, I do it from the first letters- first card swiped to the last card swiped. I usually swipe them in the uh, in order of their card numbers. Cuz ah, that's just the way I do it. Also, I use the uh, ''Animal Crossing'' card that came with the e-Reader,you notice the musical note in the first set. I just count that as card triple zero. Makes a good idea, by the way, according to- by the way, speaking of the e-Reader cards, you guys should really uh, print out some more uh, of series- more of the early series. like series one. Cuz, you know, since I just just started you sh- I really want to collect those. And uh, I really would like if you uh, publish some more of those uh, series ones. I don't care if do like you know, second edition or whatever. But print out more of those cards, please. Anyway, uh, I just click- just [[Mailbag|read the letters real quick and then throw them away]] like junk mail. After I get rid of the presents.

[''Finishes throwing letters away'']

By the way, I hope you guys took note of the uh, amount in the previous deal in the Post Office. Anyway, after I delete the last letters, I open them up.

[''Opening up all his gifts'']

One by one, in an orderly flash- orderly fashion. A'most said orderly flashin'! Anyway...

[''Finishes opening his gifts'']

Let's see, with that done, I head back home.

[''Runs to his mailbox'']

And get the next set of ten I have ready. And then I head back to the Post Office.

[''Runs to Post Office'']

And swipe the next set of ten.

[''Enters Post Office'']

And uh, just to let you know, every fifty- every point over fifty thousand, you should make a deposit. But since I'm a good number at start, I'm not gonna do that. So, uh, after all the uh, e-Reader swipes, you should come up to a very nic-

[''Video cuts out for a second, possibly the result of Chris editing the video so we wouldn't have to wait for him to swipe the e-Reader cards'']

an profable- profitable proposition there. And after ah, swiping all those cards, then a nice grand total there. We can make a very generous donation. Or should I say deposit? The usual fifty-thou.

[''Deposits 50,000 bells'']

Here ya go. No thank you. Well, anyway ah, besides ah, selling those things, those uh, profitable items from the e-Reader cards, if there are any I haven't collected yet, I usually just keep 'em.

[''Exits Post Office'']

(Cuz I like the sound of them?) Like for example, the uh, Pansy models downstairs. And well, since that's over with.

[''Changes shirt'']

She just changed into her regular- her uh, nice warm clothing for the winter. Her ski sweater. So anyway, uh, let's see uh. Oh yes, I guess I should- she shoul- we should give you a tour of Cwc City.

Well, you have seen the uh, Post Office, and the Nu- Nook Shop. But I'll tell you the dump is in the opposite location compared to CWCville. And there it is, the dump. And uh, let's see. There's Money. She used to live in CWCville but she moved here. And there's Sally. She moved here.

[''Checks map'']

I have to check the map every now and then because the different location. Let's see, there's Carmen. [''Sing-song''] Carmen San Diego! Carmen San Diego!... Causing mischief around the world!

Let's see now. Oh yeah, that's Pinky. That's Pinky. There's the Museum. Oh, would you look at this, a hole in the ground. Let's see what's in it.

[''Digs up fossil'']

And it's [[Bob|an antique]]!

Must have missed that one previously. Oh well, I'll just simply write the old Museum a letter. Or not write a letter. Like I sent it to them anyway. [Goes to put away shovel, then changes his mind]

Ah, I best to hold on to that just in case. Let's see. Oh, Katrina's tent, she's here today. And there's Rollo. I think a friend sen- I think of Sanford and Son everytime I see Rollo. [''Scatman Chris''] Doo-doo-doo-doo-a-rawdl-et-do-do-do-do-alot-dude-alot-do-do-dolot-a-dood-alot-dooo. Do-do.

Speakin' of fr- speakin' of Sanford and Sons, my father an I, we have a relationship like Stanford and Son. He starts more arguments than there are flies in a garbage dump. Anyway, let's see, I took every care of business, and I do not need to talk to Copper, but there's the Police Station.

And what's at the shoreline for that stupid bird, and possibly anymore uh, holes in the ground.

[''Singing'']

There's nothing quite like a hole in the ground, hole in the ground, hole in the ground. There's nothing like a hole in the ground, here is, the lighthouse!

[''Stops singing'']

We got a stone bridge here in the city.

[''Sings again'']

There's nothing like a hole in the ground, a hole in the ground

[''Stops singing'']

Oh, we got two neighbors up here. Let's see. Yeah. There's a, Jeremiah. we got a new neighbor. Yeah, that was Pinky. She moved in today. Anyway, there;s the Tailor Shop. Right here. Already took you there over in Cwc Ci- Cwcville. And well, here's the dock. The island is, uh, we kept it for the ah, kre- for a memorial, we used Tim Timetale's island. As uh, we uh, trans- we exchanges between us- we exchanged it with the original island of Cwc City. Anyway, it's got the Tim Timetale flag on it. So we're not going to bother going there. Anyway, you know the two signs.

[''Goes to Wishing Well'']

Well. That joke never gets old. Anyway, there are two holiday signs, got 'em down here, here in the city. There's Rosey, and we got the Sonichu site logo here as well. There's a uh, shovel tree. That's Buzz. Buzz Lightyear. To infinity, and on your head! Oh, and there's uh, Cashmire. I got a card for Baah-bra. Huh, too bad she ain't here. And uh, I'm not sure, oh wait, yes I'm sure. Yeah, you have seen him, uh, Iggy. He's around here somewhere. I'm not gonna bother. Anyway, here's the Nook Shop, once again. And well, uh, I guess that's it for uh, Cwc City. oh, I got the fishing tourney sign around here somewhere. You've already seen that, so I'm not gonna bother finding it.

Anyway uh, let's see. Oh, I got to mail this uh, fossil off. After I do that, we're going to go back over to Cwcville for uh, closing ceremonies of this great documentary I've put together. you'll find out what that "H.F.A" stands for.

[''Goes inside post office'']

So, stay tuned! And relax.

[''Starts mailing letter'']

In the meantime, here's some music.

[''Plays Yellow is a Mellow Color'']

[''Exits Post office'']

[''Goes and saves his game'']

[''Start screen'']

[''Loads Cwcville'']

[''Finally turns off Yellow is a Mellow Color'']

Welcome back to Cwcville! And we're here for the closing ceremonies, so the uh, documentary of the city of Cwcville and Cwc City in Animal Crossing, [''Raises pitch of voice''] for Nintendo Gamecube! But first, I'm gonna tell you a couple of things. Sonichu and Rosechu. [''Burps''] [''Faintly''] Excuse me.
I'm just going to let you know who they are, they're Pokémon. I made them up. They're both Electric-types, alright. Obviously. Sonichu and Rosechu are Pokémon I made up. They're Electric-types. They've got evolution, [[Metonic]] and [[Vamprosa]]. You want pictures, you gotta ask me for them. Also they got baby forms, [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and Rosey]], they're cuties. So anyway, if you've missed it the first couple of times.

[''Shows bulletin saying "CWC's Sonichu Site!
http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm"'']

Here is one last time. Okay, and uh, to answer the all important question; What is the meaning of "H.F.A"? With the two red eyes. I will tell you. Got that? it means "High Functionally [[Autism|Autism]]" because that's what I am, I'm High Functionally Autistic. I may have autism, but since I'm [[honor roll|high functional]], I do all- I can do alot of things. I mean otherwise I wouldn't even do this documentary I'm doing right now.

So let's see, is there anything else I need to cover? Well, I guess not. But anyway, uh, this is the city of Cwcville and there's a- don't forget Sonichu website if you want to go see it. I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember. And listening to music as long as I can remember. So, we're going to end this documentary by obviously leaving. If you want credits, ya have to look at the uh, enclosed letter.

[''Starts saving game'']

But anyway, uh, pu- for in the submission of Nintendo Power. This has been a, [[Chris and Ego|documentary narrated by Christian Weston Chandler]]. Thank you very much, and I hope that you will [[Chris and Reality|consider this for publication]]. Bye now.

[''Nintendo logo and title screen. There is a voice in the background, possibly [[Snorlax]], saying "Stop!"'']

[''The video normally ends here, but on other versions of it, this is followed by 5 commercials for the game, and then...'']

[''Shows bulletin reading "For Nintendo Power...A Bonus Feature! Later on...". The character moves towards a golden statue reading "This statue was erected in honor of Crystal's loan repayment!". The character moves around some trees, bushes and the sign board, before moving to the bulletin board, flipping to a new page. Chris types in "Bye-Bye!" and then a happy face. He then throws out the letter, and then moves back to the bonus feature one for a few seconds before the video finally ends.'']

==''Nintendo Power'' article==

''[[Nintendo Power]]''’s May 2004 article on Chris’s documentary covers only Sonichu’s life in Cwcville. The way that the article speaks of Sonichu’s actions, most casual readers would be led to believe that “Sonichu” is the real name of the person who submitted the documentary.

[[Image:CWCSchuCross.jpg|thumb|center]]

===Transcript===

{{quotenews|'''Sonichu’s Cwcville Documentary'''

Simply amazing. There’s no other way to describe what we received from Sonichu of Cwcville—a full video documentary that walked us through his daily life. His opulent manor contained every manner of furniture. Cwcville’s landscape was filled to the bursting point with all the animals who’d moved to his well-tended town. And Sonichu has customized everything about his town—even many villagers have followed his bold trends, wearing the patterns he has created!

''(Image captions)''

*Sonichu has packed the museum with his fads—its bug collection is hopping.
*He often visits Sonichu Island to bring its high-value coconuts to town.
*And he uses the spare hut on the island to store his huge collection of oddities.
*Cwcville is brimming with Sonichu’s patterns, including the popular Poké Ball.}}

==PVCC's news report==

The 26 April 2004 issue of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC's]] school newspaper, ''The Forum'', included a news report on the "accomplishments" of then-student Christian Chandler. The first half of the article discusses Chris's OFFICIAL and ORIGINIAL creation, Sonichu, while the second half covers Chris's Animal Crossing Documentary, going so far as to quote ''[[Nintendo Power]]'''s own coverage. Everyone can draw their conclusions of how slow news day it was at the PVCC by comparing how big the ''Nintendo Power'' article was, and how big this article was.

===Transcript===

[[File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|center|Meet Sonichu]]

{{quotenews|'''Meet Sonichu''' ''Student featured in "Nintendo Power"''

By Kari Mitchell ''The Forum assistant editor''

Most everyone has a hobby. It may be hard to find free time in between classes, especially with exam week quickly approaching, but PVCC student Christian Chandler, has dedicated many hours to his past time. He is the creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

Like Sonic, Sonichu can run at high speeds. "During Super Sonic's battle against the [[Perfect Chaos Monster|Perfect Chaos monster]] (''Sonic Adventure DX'' for Gamecube), Super Sonic was spat out by the monster, and colldied with a by-standing Pikachu," Chandler explained. According to his story, the power from the Chaos Emeralds transformed Pikachu into Sonichu.

The idea for the character came from a project Chandler was assigned his senior year of high school. He was enrolled in a computer graphics class that required him to design a CD cover. His original idea was to put Sonic and Pikachu on the cover, however, both characters are copyrighted. Instead he decided to combine the characters into something all his own. Thus, on March 17, 2000, Sonichu was born.

Over time, Chandler began to mold and expand the life of Sonichu, giving him stories, homemade trading cards, clay figures, a board game, and a [[Sonichu medallion]] with charms, among other things.

Chandler and the world he created for Sonichu were featured in the May 2004 issue of ''Nintendo Power.'' The place was called Cwcville (The "Cwc" prefix are his initials, Christian Weston Chandler). Nintendo Power was apparently impressed with Chandler's work. "Simply amazing. There's no other way to describe what we received from Sonichu of Cwcville - a full video documentary that walked us through his daily life." The documentary, running about an hour, was taped from the Nintendo Gamecube title, ''Animal Crossing''. He dubbed his voice over the sound through a microphone and audio input in his VCR. In the documentary, Chandler covers "basically how I do things in ''Animal Crossing'' as the boy character, Sonichu, in the city of Cwcville." Some of the tasks include using the journal as a monthly diary, making money, customizing the city, and conversing with another ''Animal Crossing'' city. For now, Sonichu remains a hobby in the future, Chandler would like to see Sonichu and his friends as real Pokémon, even having their own Nintendo Gamecube video game title. "I am not really sure what to do in order to do all that," Chandler said, "but for now, Sonichu and I, Christian C., are in Nintendo Power Magazine!"}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]|nextlink=[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2003-11-22]]
[[Category:Videos About or Featuring Farts]]

Feel So Lonesome

2021-06-06T19:57:39Z

Methalowiec:

'''"Feel So Lonesome"''' is the seventh track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'', sung to the tune of [[Britney Spears]]'s "[[Wikipedia:(You Drive Me) Crazy|(You Drive Me) Crazy]]."

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Feel So Lonesome" (begins at 7:24)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|j-ACMU8juHc}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{Tragedy|[[Saddest Heart in the World|Loneliness]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]
| next = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Britney Spears's "(You Drive Me) Crazy"'']

Lonesome

Aw man, I want a [[boyfriend-free girl|cute gal]] 
But if anyone I have no [[Sonichu Balls|ball]] 
Aw man, I've tried a [[Attraction Sign|sign]] 
But no girl reads it, [[Chris and health|am I not fine]]?

Every girl who don't look at me 
They already have one, it's easy to see

I feel so lonesome, [[homos|I can't think straight]] 
To get a cute girl depends on fate 
Lonesome, and it feels depressing 
No matter how much I fail I keep trying

Tell me, don't I have the charm? 
If no girl comes, [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|I'll break my arm]] 
Tell me, aren't I handsome? 
[[ShecameforCWC.JPG|What do I have to do to make one come?]]

I want a girl so bad 
Not knowing what it is, I need it bad

I feel so lonesome, I can't think straight 
To get a cute girl depends on fate 
Lonesome, and it feels depressing 
No matter how much I fail I keep trying

I feel so lonesome 

Ohhh man

STOP!

I can't think straight 
To [[So Need a Cute Girl|get a cute girl]] depends on fate 
It feels depressing 
No matter how much I fail I keep trying 

I feel so lonesome, I can't think straight 
To get a cute girl depends on fate 
Lonesome, and it feels depressing 
No matter how much I fail I keep trying 

Lonesome 

Lonesome 

I feel so lonesome, and it feels depressing 
No matter how much I fail I keep trying 

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Megan Schroeder

2021-03-23T09:40:19Z

Methalowiec:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Honest}}


{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true, it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.|Christian, ''[[Story of My Current Days]]''}}
{{Quote|ED didn't drag my name through the mud but you did.
I don't know, I can't keep disgracing myself and forgiving and forgiving. I have some pride you know. I've forgiven you so many times before it's just getting irritating now. Even I have my limits.|Megan gives her own view<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Megan Schroeder
| image = [[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Megan Schroeder
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 23 July 1986 (age {{Age|1986|7|23}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
}}

'''Megan Schroeder''' (born 23 July [[1986]]) is a former [[gal pal]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s, with whom he had perhaps the closest [[Chris_and_socialization|relationship]] with anybody he's ever had in his life.

Chris first met Megan in the summer of [[2004]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]]. Following Chris's progressively creepier unwanted advances, she cut off contact with him in early [[2008]]. Since then, Chris has developed an intense and unwarranted [[Chris and anger|grudge]] against her, thanks to misconceptions fed to him by [[Borb]], and his [[autism|autistic delusions]] about her scheming with [[Michael Snyder]] to have him banned from The GAMe PLACe. Chris's attempted contacts with Megan have dragged on as late as [[2018]].

==Timeline==
[[Image:Megan_Timeline_Prototype.png|1000px|center]]

==Prologue==
{{main|Megan emails, 2005-2006}}
{{See also|Megan emails, Jan-July 2007}}
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|Look at the fear in her eyes...]]

{{quote|During the late summer months, I picked up and started the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] [[Trading Card Game]] (it was around the time the movie came into theaters). One Saturday at the Game Place (Where I was also going for Pokemon TCG on Fridays), I met Megan and [[John's Custom Gundam|John Schroeder]]. At first I thought they were a couple but then they were just Sister and Brother. Over the months of getting to know Megan, I grew fond of her. Although at that time, and up to now, she wasn't interested in a lovely relationship. I've bided to her wishes and requests. I am truly fond of her, and I hope she will have a change of heart soon. She'll be turning 21 on July 23, 2007.|Christian<ref>[[Yep, I'm on TV :)]]</ref>}}

Megan is a typical ''truly'' [[boyfriend-free girl]], even claiming to be [[Chris_and_sexuality#Asexuality|asexual]]. She had a few eccentricities, which Chris was more than happy to copy and oblige, namely her fondness for ''[[My Little Pony]]'', ''[[Sailor Moon]]'', and using Chris like a debit card because she was too lazy to go on [[eBay]] herself.

Megan and Chris first met at The GAMe PLACe in summer 2004, over a game of ''Yu-Gi-Oh!''. The two apparently struck up a friendship of sorts. They had an obvious connection from the start, since they were both idling their twenties away playing [[card games]] marketed to preteens. It only took [[Third date|a few games]] and a handful of e-mails before Chris saw Megan as his [[sweetheart]]. Megan, however, did not reciprocate this sentiment. It probably didn't help that Megan was getting Chris to buy things for her like a stereotypical wife nagging her husband:

{{quote|Please can you get this video for me? please hurry! thanks!|Megan, [[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006#Megan_wants_a_Tin_Tin_episode|Megan E-mails]]}}

Through the end of 2005 and into [[2006]], Chris would obsess over Megan, writing her [[Sonichu 5|into his comic]], trying to drag her into dates, trying to snuggle, hold her hand, kiss her, and other attempted romantic gestures. This didn't accomplish anything but rousing the ire of Megan, who was uncomfortable with these advances and only saw him as a friend, nothing more. She repeatedly tried to assert her asexuality to Chris, in an effort to prevent his advances. Sadly, this fell on deaf ears, and Chris would continue to hound her. Even when Megan eventually resorted to claiming she had a boyfriend, Chris was not deterred.

Unfortunately for her, this was only the beginning...

==Megan Saga==

===Sailor Megtune===
{{Main|Sailor Megtune}}

Megan, like Chris, enjoyed drawing cartoons, and this seems to have caught Chris's eye early in the game:

{{quote|Everytime I see your drawings, I get inspired to want to work more on [[Sonichu (comic)|my comics]].|Christian, [[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006#Chris_wants_to_date_Megan_at_McDonald.27s|Megan E-mails]]}}

In what was a fortunate alignment of his ass-kissing campaign with the series of diary entries that ''Sonichu'' had become, Megan (later [[retconned]] as '''Meg-chan''') soon made her first appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] along with [[Megagi La Skunk]], her own furry sidekick. The two are purportedly "[[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldiers]]" and reveal on the spot that Chris is an old friend of theirs (including Megagi) and thwart the evil [[Jerkop]]s trying to ruin Chris' [[Love Quest]] with Rockin' Hurricane, causing Magic Rocket to [[Team Rocket|blast off again]]. Her influence on the "art" of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is apparent in Chris's sudden transition to a more [[anime]] style with ''Sonichu'' #5, most notably in his character's eyes, which became large and shiny.

[[File:Sonichu - Episode 13, Page 27.jpg|thumb|Getting dangerously close to crossing the line...]]

Megan and Chris appeared to chat about comics in their e-mail conversations; Chris [[Ego|critiqued]] some of her story ideas, and ran the plotline for [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] by her, including a bizarre offer to write in Megan's own imaginary daughter. While Megan probably found the whole thing harmlessly eccentric at first, ''Sonichu'' #5 managed to create some drama pretty quickly upon its release. Megan undoubtedly flipped when she saw her character getting romantic with Chris, as well as being portrayed in a sexualized manner. Chris completely failed to comprehend why she was angry, but did [[retcon]] a couple of pages to tone them down. This did not placate Megan, however.

===Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown===
{{main|Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown}}
{{See also|Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007}}

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]] and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet [[Gal pal|Gal-Friend]] to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]; [[Chris and rape|it would have been terriffic]]. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a [[stress|FRUSTRATED]], High-Functionally [[autism|AUTISTIC]], 25-YEAR OLD [[Virgin with rage|VIRGIN]].|[[PSN Blogs]]}}

In June [[2007]], Megan went to [[Wikipedia:Kentucky|Kentucky]]. Undeterred, Chris continued e-mailing her, refusing to back away even for a moment as he ''still'' believed that, deep down inside, Megan truly did love him. Discovering Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown and the prizes for victory, Chris eagerly entered the contest, hoping to win a [[PSP]] and use the trip offered in the contest to win her [[china|heart]]. In the end, as expected, Chris lost (even after extensive cheating), [[Adam Stackhouse]] won, and Megan didn't care. Even when Chris began whining to her and others about how Adam and everyone else except Chris had somehow cheated, Megan didn't care either way. This childish behavior eventually resulted in Megan losing her temper with Chris, reprimanding him for his selfishness and inappropriate behavior. Despite being hurt by her outburst, Chris continued to harass Megan in much the same way as before.

===Rule 34 and The End of Megan===
{{Main|ShecameforCWC.JPG}}
{{See also|Megan emails, 2008}}

{{quote|And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; that is ''Megan''!|Chris, stating [[Chris and art|the not-so-obvious]] and burning bridges with Megan for good<ref name="secondmessage">[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>}}

[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|...And the line has officially been crossed.]]

In November 2007, Chris would discover his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page and begin his one-man crusade [[Sonichu 8|against the garbage]]. In the process, he uploaded a number of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|pornographic and lewd]] artworks, one of which was [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingering Megan]] with her eyes obscured. Trolls originally believed that she was [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his imaginary sister Crystal]], which prompted an outraged Chris to try to deny accusations of incestuous desires by revealing that the image was actually meant to represent Megan.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on 18 March 2008.]]</ref><ref name="secondmessage"/>

By 12 [[March 2008]], Megan discovered the picture depicting her and demanded that it be removed immediately. Chris attempted to do so, but found himself blocked at every turn. His edits were quickly reverted, or even worse, compounded, as he tried to upload other versions of the picture with the face cropped out or obscured. On 21 [[April 2008]] Megan wrote an email to Chris saying she was not comfortable being around him anymore,<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Megan can't trust Chris anymore]]</ref> thus putting an end to their friendship.

Throughout the fiasco, Chris brashly attempted to paint himself as a greater victim than Megan, initially even assuming that she didn't understand what was going on in the picture. He would later admit he did it in part to suppress the occasional impulse to '''[[rape]] her''', and that trying to assert that what she was going through just ''being'' in the picture and learning what he could have done was ''nothing'' compared to the misery of the [[troll]]ing he was enduring.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_continues_bothering_her_about_ED]]</ref>

Evidence suggests that Megan was distancing herself from Chris even before she discovered the awful drawing. Comments by former GAMe PLACe patrons Daniel Mimms and [[Lucas]] indicate that Megan was already avoiding Chris before she found out ShecameforCWC.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Initial post|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]: "Megan would usually stand/hide behind me and Lucas to avoid [Chris], '''especially after''' the drawings of her got leaked [emphasis added]." This comment suggests that Megan was avoiding Chris before ShecameforCWC came to her attention. In their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris and Megan|discussion of Megan]], Mimms and Lucas seem to attribute Chris's groping as the main factor behind the deterioration of his relationship with her, while giving little weight to ShecameforCWC.</ref> Chris himself has partially confirmed this account on the [[CWCipedia]].<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [https://archive.vn/rB99e Megan]: "When I started getting too close, [Megan] started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible homosexual."</ref> It might very well be that ShecameforCWC was the last step in euthanizing a dying relationship, rather than killing a vibrant and living one.

==Aftermath==
{{quote|Too bad I was never just that too all into him.|Cartoon Megan, "I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

{{quote|Megan... WHY?!|Christian,
"I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

Despite Megan telling him she was no longer comfortable being in his presence, Chris was not willing to give up on her. On 11 [[2008#June|June 2008]], Chris sent an email to a person named Tyler Wane, asking Tyler to deliver Megan the birthday gift Chris bought for her (a German-English dictionary). Chris said he could not deliver her the gift himself due to being "forced into hiatus from the Pokemon League by that S.O.B. [[Michael Snyder|Mike]]". Tyler in response suggested to Chris to arrange meeting with Megan outside [[The GAMe PLACe]].<ref><[[Chris emails 2008#June]]</ref>

Megan surfaced again in Chris's thoughts in [[July 2009]], first in the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, and then in the subsequent update, [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]. Chris also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCo72hJ-SAg reposted] the Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown entry, though this version is slightly different from the ones frequently seen in latter days: After "...my friend Megan!", Chris inserted a short break with a photo of him and Megan, with a lovely heart frame. Either this is the original version before Chris tried to clean up his image, or a brand new version with new improved references to the long-lost love.

On 26 [[March 2009]], he released a [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009 |Captain's Log]] where he told everyone to [[Chris and Hypocrisy|"leave her alone"]] because she was going through [[stress]] from the [[trolls]], and threatened to stop drawing the comic if they didn't. At the beginning of the video Chris claims that he was recently contacted by Megan, though it was most likely a troll posing as her seeing as she had cut off all ties with him.

On 12 [[August 2009]], he dedicated a song to Megan in one of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] videos, where the first sign that he'd convinced himself that she'd told him "I Love You" comes up (and he remains relatively consistent when speaking of her in acting as though this actually happened).

{{quote|Coming up next at #7, we got another long-distance dedication, to the old [[gal-pal]] of mine that I almost had a ra- I had meant to be- I had her "I love you" before I got kicked out, Megan Schroeder, her, from her favorite, this is from her favorite h-artist, Yngwie Malmsteen.|Christian, "[[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]"}}

In 2010, he created a [[:File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|model of Megan]] for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' (named "Gal Pal"), showing that he still couldn't let go.

=== Chris's version of events ===
On 16 [[May 2010]], the [[CWCipedia]]'s new fan manager Daria Camacho created a page for Megan, using the link on Chris's page of [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|gal-pals and sweethearts]]. When Chris discovered it, he erased all of Daria's text and wrote his own version. The abridged version of events he presents is much shorter than his gigantic [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|rant on The Wallflower]], probably because the events of the Megan Saga are beginning to fade from his memory.

{{quotebox|If you REALLY MUST KNOW...

Megan and I first met at a Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament at The G&H Place, back when it was still in the Downtown Mall. It was around the time the Y.G.O. Movie debuted in theaters. She and I, we talked, hung out and became really good friends.

"I DID have lovey-dovey feelings for her, and I still care about her as a friend. I did her a number of favors by getting her this and that off of eBay, then she would reimburse me the cost of each item.

When I started getting too close, she started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible [[homos]]exual.

I drew that drawing of her and me that is unfortunately popular among everyone who tends to haze me for TWO REASONS. Firstly, because of My Own Wishful Thinking. And second a tool in a lame attempt to overcrowd the E.D. page against me with Bu**C*** with my own "information" to shut it down.

Ever since, she totally spaced herself from me, like as if she had put a restraining order against, which she did not. And as I was being forced off the Place premesis the last day I was there, she stood by and watched in shock. She could have spoken up for me, but she did not.

I have lost communication with Megan since then.}}

In the months and years after his "breakup" with Megan, Chris came to try and act as if he'd gotten over her. His [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] on [[The Wallflower]], for instance, claimed "I had LOOOOOONG moved on from Megan."

However, a lingering attachment betrayed itself on occasion. The archive of his [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|female acquaintances]] on the CWCipedia noted, "I still miss her sometimes." In an [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|e-mail to Jackie]] from April 2010, when he recounted having his picture taken at The GAMe PLACe, Chris said, "I was in a state of shock from seeing Megan and (her short-lived romance) Christopher MAKING OUT. '''That Should Have Been Me.'''"

==The Blame Game==

=== Origins ===
[[File:Megan Schroeder - 2013 September.jpeg|thumb|Megan, years later, still recovering from her ordeal. Out of frame: [[JERKS|JERK]].]]
The [[Matthew Noble call]] of August 2010 revealed that [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] disliked and distrusted Megan, believing that she conspired with Michael Snyder and "some [[homos]]exual[s]" to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe. Barbara also mentions how Megan "lied" about something, suggesting that she believes Megan to be a troll.

It is possible that this belief originated with Chris, as in his correspondence with [[Katie Bay]], he lists Megan as a "possible troll".<ref>[[Katie_Bay_E-mails_2#26 July]]</ref> His reasoning was typical Chris - she had a vagina and didn't want to give him access to it. He also appears to have [[Autism|confused her with another white female brunette]] that placed a sign on his lawn on [[Halloween]] [[2008]].

=== Chris Doxes Megan ===

A series of leaked Facebook postings beginning in [[February 2012]] revealed Chris' ever-growing, pathological, and extreme hatred for Megan. His animosity for Megan supposedly grew much more vitriolic after buying into his parents' [[Chris and reality|completely baseless]] belief that Megan was responsible for the "Hate and Smear Campaign" against Chris:

{{quote|EVERYONE, I have most urgent news. It is Final in My Mind, and from my mother as an eye and ear witness of her consorting with [[Michael Snyder]] LONG Before Novembef, [[2007]]; Megan Schroeder IS the SEED of the Whole Hate and Smear Campaign Against Me on the [[Internet]]. If any of you all Know where she is, or have clues of her, or her brother...current wherabouts, Please Inform Me on THIS WALL, Posthaste. She is Needed Brought to me, my mother and [[Rob Bell|our attorney]], for Great Questioning, and a Huge Piece of my mind. Thank You, Christian W. Chandler|Chris, Facebook, [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news|February 18, 2012]]}}

In the following days, Chris posted her contact information in hopes that his friends would troll her. Thankfully, this effort was not successful.

[[File:Fbp10.png|thumb|Chris' retarded attempt at trolling back Megan. He exhibits a belief that if you simply dox people online, they get trolled back, not realizing the large number of reasons why this only happened to him.]]

On 4 April [[2013]], Chris denounced The GAMe PLACe and called for Megan to be "jailed and beaten up", describing her as a "vile, wicked, traitorous bitch,"<ref>[http://i.imgur.com/mBFcon9.png Leaked Facebook post]</ref> a rare display of hatred upon a woman not seen from Chris since [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Judging by a 20 July 2013 Facebook post, Chris seems to be holding Schroeder, along with [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]], to be the main culprit behind the various misfortunes he had over the years.<ref>[[Facebook#Spring Brakers]]</ref>

=== Megagi La Scapegoat ===

Chris's vitriol for Megan continues almost six years after his ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], and he has even resorted to using Megan as a scapegoat for everything bad that happens to him even if he is blatantly responsible. In the aftermath of a permaban from [[Wal-Mart]] on the weekend of 7 September 2013 for having vandalized an [[Xbox]] One display, Chris flew into an incoherent rage and began blaming Megan for both his Wal-mart and GAMe PLACe bans:

{{quote|If it had not been for Mr. "[[Manajerk]]", Megan Schroeder, and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys, My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to [[Financhu Crisis|the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By!]] The Manajerk has drained us financially, thinking we are freaking rich. And Megan has robbed me emotionally, started all of the Hate Against Me on the freaking Internet, Never financially paid me back for ALL of the material favors I bought for her off of eBay, and I WANT MY UNCUT "SAILOR MOON' DVDS FROM SEASONS "R" TO "SAILOR STAR" THAT GERMAN WARFARE BITCH CONNED FROM ME RETURNED TO ME!!!|Chris, Facebook, September 7, 2013}}

[[File:Sept13 Imgur 28.jpg|thumb|left|Megan's fate as a Lego voodoo doll. Notice her goth style clothing.]]
On 24 September 2013, Chris claimed in a Facebook post to have received an email from Daniel Mimms about Megan's current whereabouts. He now classes her with the Witch ([[Mary Lee Walsh]]) and the Bastard ([[Michael Snyder]]), and makes three [[Lego]] minifigs of them and shakes them together as a sort of punishment.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Voodoo-Wise]]</ref><ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Yep, the Bitch has not changed a thing...]]</ref> Of course, the notion that Chris can perform [[Wikipedia:Sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]] to harm his enemies is [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|befitting]] with his [[Chris and reality|other delusions]]. Chris would continue to use this Lego minifigure of Megan as a totem to relieve his anger for her, and it appeared a month later "in detention" at [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|Lego Manchester High]].

On 3 October 2013, Chris posted another [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|rambling tirade directed at Megan]] to Facebook. This time, Chris claimed that [[Megagi La Skunk]], Megan's cartoon character that she probably doesn't even remember making, told him that she is "deeply distrustful" and agrees with Chris that Megan should have never been born. Additionally, as if she would even care, Megan's [[Sailor Megtune]] "powers" were "revoked" by Chris. On top of reiterating the previous "wrongdoings" by Megan, Chris has proven nothing at all, except perhaps that he suffers from [[Chris and reality|some form of]] [[Chris and anger|mental illness.]]

{{quote|
You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, Trolls, PLace People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with Megagi La Skunk; she feels deep distrust in you. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your Sailor Megtune powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! Usagi and the Sailor Scouts would have been most ashamed of you.

...And by the way, I pray you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the Witch and the Bastard! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!|Chris, Facebook, October 3, 2013}}

Chris ended his first rant with a comment reading "NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!", possibly because he's tired of having his atrocious behavior called out by even the most ass-patting of his friends. The following day, Chris focused all his blame like a laser beam on Megan, insisting that she is responsible for the [[CWCki]], virtually all of his [[List of places that have banned Chris|bans]], the "theft" of his [[Sailor Moon]] DVDs ''yet again'', and astonishingly, even the fact that he lacks a sweetheart. That's right: not only is Megan the one who's responsible for everything Chris inflicted on himself, but also Chris will ''only'' forgive Megan after he gets [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|unpaid]] [[china]] he feels entitled to.

{{quote|I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the Cwcki, its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking Internet is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female Sweetheart for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.|Chris, Facebook, October 4, 2013, 10:09am}}

=== Megan, Queen of the Trolls ===

Roughly two hours later, Chris posted another Facebook message. While seemingly intending to explain the methodology of Megan's master [[troll]] scheme, to everyone else it actually reads more like valid condemnations of Chris' obnoxious behavior by his peers and authority figures. Finally, Chris re-iterated his desire not to hear any criticism from his friends, instructing others not to comment on his post and challenging Megan to a face-to-face meeting. Whether Megan cares enough to challenge, in-person, a delusional 31-year old who lives with his [[Barb|mother]] remains yet to be seen.

{{quote|Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs onto me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my head after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed for murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "Mimms and Lucas are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; his Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my homosexual fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!""

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to curse and haunt you with my father at my side.|Chris, Facebook, October 4, 2013, 12:44pm}}

Chris later deleted the two posts prior to this one; a few hours later, he deleted this one as well.

In late 2020, Chris revealed that he no longer believed Megan to be a troll, but that "she was to blame for all of the very stupid impulses and mistakes that ended that friendship."<ref>[[Discord Q&A 11#Chris's Closest Friend]]</ref> This partial forgiveness may have been spurred on by his belief that Megan is a CPU goddess. It also shows [[Chris and his ego#Persecution complex|Chris's self-serving memory]] in action, considering that she was justified to feel uncomfortable at his unwanted advances on her and understandably creeped out by SheCameForCWC.JPG.

==Years later==
{{Protip|Do NOT attempt to contact Megan.}}
{{quote|I just say let her, wherever she is, live her life, and I'll just stay here, liv- living mine. It's all done and over with.|Chris, finally moving on}}

On 26 January 2016, in the [[CatKnight Interview 2|second CatKnight interview]], Sir Arthur Spatchcock brought up the topic of Megan and the [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news|grudge]] [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Pissed off|Chris]] [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Damn You|had]] [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Address|against]] [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#GAMe PLACe revelations|her]]. Chris claims that he has finally gotten over that grudge, wishing for her to be left alone to live her own life.

In February 2017, Chris looked up and browsed through Megan's Facebook account,<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Found Megan's Facebook]]</ref> sharing one of her drawings to his own account. When asked by [[Kim Wilson]] if they were friends again, Chris responded:

{{quotebox|Not quite; I just gone through my past and recent sent friend requests, found Megan Schroeder, and I liked her cover photo; it's cute. She has a few cute dogs too. At least, she's doing okay; as far as I can tell.}}

The act of searching for his ex-[[gal pal]] came just four days after Chris posted about his feelings of nostalgia for his "friends" from [[Manchester High]].

Megan was asked about Chris on her Etsy page on July 1 2017. This was her response: https://1drv.ms/u/s!Aj5gd-lUeHJyhUknNI2IkmGQC1eq

On 9 [[October 2017]], Chris once again looked up Megan's Facebook for her online store and left a comment on it:<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_Facebook_posts#Complimenting_Megan_Schroeder</ref>

{{quotebox|I just wanted to tell you I like your craft and are. You have become a lot more talented over the years. Many blessing to you and your family. 🌸}}

The post was later removed.

On 19 [[May 2018]], a full decade after Megan cut off all communications with him, Chris issued a public apology to Megan and her brother and expressed his desire to reopen old wounds by speaking with them:<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997900592084238336</ref>

{{quotebox|I want to once again humbly apologize to Megan and John Schroeder. I know I did y'all wrong back in the day but time heals all wounds. It would be nice to hear from you with just a simple "hi" or "best of luck". After all of These Years I still need closure.}}

When asked why he would issue this apology publicly when she clearly does not want to be associated with him, Chris responded that he had no choice because she blocked him on Facebook.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997901813868257281</ref>

During the [[Idea Guys]] saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspective of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Ideas involving Megan include:

*Megan having the memories of [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Red Heart]], which she earned while in politics.<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/1015420612494397441</ref>

On 17 [[October 2018]], Chris declared on [[Twitter]] that if he and Barb received [[Financhu Crisis|enough donations]], he would personally drive over to Megan's house and take Barb and his "[[Polyamorous marriage|poly-loves]]" with him. About nineteen minutes later, he backtracked on his claim after learning Megan possesses [https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1052621336751702019 guns].

On 4 [[April 2019]], a trailer for the documentary ''[[Chris Chan VS. The Internet]]'' was released, which featured brief footage of and narration from a long, black-haired girl, speculated and later confirmed to be Megan herself. According to the [[2020 Discord leaks]], Megan actually wanted to physically reunite with Chris, thinking it would be fun; the film's director, Joseph Draft, vetoed this, feeling it would be "too corny and forced" (not to mention, arguably ''dangerous''). Megan would later request for her footage to be cut entirely from the film, a wish that was unintentionally granted when Draft destroyed the hard drive that contained the only known completed copy of the film.

On 7 Janurary 2021, Megan was asked if her association with Chris and the ensuing status of minor internet celebrity that came with it was ever thought about. She gave a [[Honest Content|True and Honest]] response: https://i.imgur.com/AMoHZbI.png

==Interviews==
During January 2019, a YouTuber by the moniker BazzBe interviewed Megan over Facebook. BazzBe then put together a video narrating the chat.

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = BazzBe's Interview with Megan Schroeder
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|9FdLfSDD14o}}
| Stardate = January 2019
| Featuring =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
{{quoteboxyellow|[''autistic sigh''] Oh man. Alright, so, like I said earlier in the video [this is part five of a series, he is apparently referring to an earlier part], I did get the chance to speak to Megan today. Um, hold on [fiddles with screen, which due to being 480px is almost completely unreadable on YouTube] ... uh huh, I was [hiding?] the messages.

So basically, I messaged her, uh, it was accidentally, but I messaged her on her business page because apparently she's in business now and, like, cool. So she asked me to talk to her on her normal page, so I did, I found her, and I asked her: so, I'm sure that you know what I want to talk about, things from past events.

She said: '''Oh yeah, you know, Chris.'''

And I told her, like, I'm very drawn to the story, I've been covering it on YouTube, and I figured it would be cool if I could contact to you so I could see how things, like, how you feel about it nowadays.

She goes: '''Well honestly, I don't follow his antics at all, I've seen a few recent things from someone that alerts me that he's doing things regarding me or whatever.'''

And I asked her, well, were you ever really friends, or did you just feel pity for him?

She said, '''No, I'd say despite his advances, it was a good friendship. He was a lot of fun to converse with. People think that I was using him for things.''' (Which I've heard a lot of people say she was just using him to buy things, but it's been like fifteen years, what would she gain from lying to us?) '''People think that I've been using him for things, but I'd always presented him gifts for his birthday or Christmas. Things from eBay I would either give cash or trade for mangas or DVDs or whatever.'''

I said, did you ever think you would reunite, how do you feel about ... sorry I'm tired ... how do you feel about being a part of all this and having a fanbase?

And she said, '''I didn't know I had fans too.'''

[''Vaguely thirsty grin''] You do! '''Personally I think it's best to stay away and not be involved with him again.''' I said, yeah, you do have a fanbase, and you're definitely the saddest part of the story in my opinion. I do generally believe that, now I know a lot about some of the upcoming stuff that's coming to the fore but I will say Megan was the part where it started going downhill. She was the beginning of the snowball effect, and I think that's when the rock bottom starts to come if you know what I mean, 'cause that was like, the last real friend he had before he fucked it all up.

Ah, ok, where was I at?

'''Comparing him now, I'd say he was definitely more normal during my time with him. That's saying something.'''

How many others have contacted you over this?

'''Oh, I couldn't keep count. It's always been through facebook and as well as Etsy, it's always been half and half condolences and trolls, weens trying to get a reaction or a reply out of me.'''

I told her I was just fascinated by the whole thing and I'm happy to have contacted you and have you take the time to take part in this. And she didn't mind, I was very awesome, I mean, damn that's cool. I was always, oh, I'm sorry, I was wanting to interview her on Discord so I could record our voices talking about it, but honestly I didn't think she would know how to use Discord, [''strange noise''], I'm not saying anything bad, she's a little bit older than me, also, it was like 9:30 in the morning so ... I told her I was sorry to bother her and I understand this might be effecting your life in a negative way because I understand about the artwork and stuff. And she said well, not necessarily, I made a couple of really close friends because of it, I think there's a misconception out there that the whole thing traumatized me which isn't the case at all.

That's good. That's actually something I was curious about. And I asked her [''laughs''], does she still enjoy Sailor Moon and My Little Pony?

She said, '''I have a Sailor Moon collection but I don't actively collect it anymore. It's been both a hobby and an investment. A few dolls sell now on eBay for $500 each. That's for Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, and MLP''' -- My Little Pony [''autistic smirk''] -- '''I sold those off a few years ago. I still play 3DS games and have a few Pikachu plush but I'm not into the whole anime fandom thing.'''

OK, fair enough. I asked her do you still remain in Virginia or did you escape?

She said she's still in Virginia and she's done some traveling around and overseas. So, then she told me that she was going to take her dogs or go feed her animals, and I said that was fine, but then I just went ahead and said hey, let's just postpone the rest of this and we'll just finish up tomorrow or, like, another day. Um ... yeah [''smirks again''] There's so much more I want to find out and I want to see, like, what all she's willing to discuss, but if you're interested in, like, I wouldn't say contacting, because I don't want anyone to really harass this woman, let her live her life.

If you are interested in buying one of her, uh, forest things ... I didn't actually really take the time to look at these, they're kind of cool ... [''weird smile, long pause''] ... but yeah, if you're interested in like, buying one of these, um, I'd say contact her, they look pretty interesting and you know some people have, like, a thing for cute animals, and I think I might just buy one, just to promote, so, thank you Megan, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this stuff today. Hopefully we can continue this and go a little bit deeper into it, but, alright. Thank you guys for washing, I really appreciate it, drop me a like, subscribe, help me out, and I will see you guys for part six. I can't wait. Goodnight.}}

A lost interview was also conducted at some point during 2019, for the cancelled ''[[Chris Chan VS. The Internet]]'' documentary, however, the director got cold feet and refused to release any of the documentary footage.

==Gallery==

===Art by Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg|[[Sailor Moon]]
Image:313-MegansSMoon.jpg|Sailor Moon
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|[[Megagi La Skunk]] ~ The pose in this and the following few drawings are traced from [http://info.sonicretro.org/File:Advance2_sonic.png this artwork] of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].
Image:318-HoundHowl.jpg|Hound Howl, which Chris reused as "Canino the Houndhowl" in the [[Wedding Comic]].
Image:319-PendingDoom.jpg|An OC based on the [[Pokémon]] Houndoom.
Image:320-Apocolypse.jpg|An OC based on Absol.
Image:321-IceCune.jpg|An OC based on Suicune.
Image:322-houdourstuff.jpg
Image:Megan ace of clubs.JPG|"Ace of Clubs" ~ Megan's original design for [[Patti-chan]], until Chris stole the design.
Image:Megyoshimitsu1.jpg|[[wikipedia:Yoshimitsu|Yoshimitsu]] drawing, made in [[1990s|1996]].<ref name="tekken forces">[https://web.archive.org/web/20091012030656/http://www.tekkenforces.com/fanart/fanartgmegimitsu.php Tekken Forces Fanart Gallery]</ref>
Image:Megyoshimitsu2.jpg|''[[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|Powerpuff Girls]]''-style Yoshimitsu<ref name="tekken forces"/>
</gallery></center>

===Art of Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:Sonichu07-P03.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P04.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P05.jpg|KINDA OF A [[Dragon Ball Z|GOKU-GET-EM]] ATTITUDE. :)
Image:129-ChrisChanMegtune.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:307-MegSch.jpg
Image:311-RedDarkMeggician.jpg
Image:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|Another [[wikipedia:Schroeder (Peanuts)|Schroeder]].
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|He just can't let go...
File:Sept13 Imgur 28.jpg|[[LEGO]] voodoo doll of Megan.
File:Lego2 - 24 September 2013.jpeg|He keeps it upside down to torture her.
File:Lego3 - 24 September 2013.jpeg|When he feels REALLY angry, he shakes it.
File:Meganfight 26.jpg|Chris victorious over the evil bitch.

</gallery></center>

===Miscellaneous===
<center><gallery>
Image:323-MegansDarkChao.JPG
</gallery></center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Megan Schroeder}}
<references />

{{-}}
{{MeganSaga}}
{{Sagas}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Schroeder, Megan}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Megan Saga|*]]

PlayStation 3

2021-01-16T10:32:28Z

Methalowiec: /* Trophies */ no such article

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''', or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]), is a video game console released in 2006 as the third generation in Sony's PlayStation line of consoles. It introduced features such as the ability to play Blu-ray discs, further social and online features, and the PlayStation Network. However, the console had a rocky start due to a high price tag ($599 for a 60GB model, and $499 for a 20GB model, equivalent to $763.05 and $635.87 respectively considering inflation as of 2020), among other problems; still, during its 11-year lifespan, it sold 87.4 million units, which while nothing compared to the PlayStation 2's numbers (where it is still the highest-selling console of all time) is still quite respectable.

Chris apparently did purchase a PlayStation 2 (specifically, one of the "slim" models) at some point, though very little is known about Chris's PS2 in comparison to its successor. Notably, the first issue of [[Sonichu's News Dash]] had Chris speaking about Sony and the PS2 in derogatory terms, suggesting that at some point between October 2004 (when the slim PS2 was first introduced) and [[November 2006]] (when his PS2 was seen in the [[Pixelated PS3]] video), Chris reversed his opinions on the company.

The PS3 is notable for being [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". He desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to the point where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and a slim PS2, and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade...only to purchase another shortly after.

The PS3 was discontinued in [[2016]], and was supplanted a few years beforehand by the [[PlayStation 4]].

==PlayStation Network==
[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

The PlayStation Network is an [[online]] digital media service introduced with the PS3 with its launch in 2006. It allows users to buy games, movies, TV shows, and other stuff, as well as social media features, music and movie streaming, and cloud gaming. Being [[Chris and money|as irresponsible with money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's online capabilities. Chris spent so much on the PSN that it contributed most of his credit card debt at the time (roughly $3,500 circa early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could've spent that much and what he could've spent it on. Chris seemingly bought (and still buys) everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently bought DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris spent at least '''$6,127.64''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

===Spending history===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008 when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside of his [[Chris's room|room]]. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]] in the spring of 2008, although that signal spike might have been augmented as a result of his concurrent "breakup" with Megan Schroeder in a bid to salve the emotional wound with the desperate application of virtual toys. Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a shit ton more tugboat money on PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 10. Source: [[CWC PSN Spending R script]] ]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [https://www.playstation.com/en-us/my/public-trophies/?onlinename=Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 29 [[January 2016]], Chris has 3,724 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|[[Chris and Sex|69]]
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale|PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale]]''
| 56
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu (character)|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders Giants|Skylanders Giants]]''
| 46
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
| ''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time|Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time]]''
| 37
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:God of War: Ascension|God of War: Ascension]]''
| 36
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
| All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
| Furries galore.
|-
| ''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 2|Ratchet & Clank 2]]''
| 35
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal|Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal]]
| 33
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Midway Arcade Origins|Midway Arcade Origins]]''
| 32
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet: Deadlocked|Ratchet: Deadlocked]]''
| 31
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
| 21
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made ''[[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]]''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| [[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
| 13
| 100%
| A Vita tutorial.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but in reality, he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]''
|12
|100%
| A fairly short fighting game that can generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
| 12
| 100%
| [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
| ''Sonic the Hedgehog''
| 12
| 100%
| Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS|NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS]]''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sly Minigames''
| 8
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grind fest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''100!!!''...oh, it's 4 trophies for 4 levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders SWAP Force|Skylanders SWAP Force]]''
| 40
| 94%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Yes, this is a highly-acclaimed title, but Chris believes it's comparable to that of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. However, it's worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
| ''Treasures of Montezuma Blitz''
| 13
| 85%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
| ''[[LEGO]] [[wikipedia:The LEGO Movie Video Game|Movie - Videogame]]''
| 49
| 82%
|
|-
| ''God of War''
| 33
| 82%
| Most of the trophies are earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]''
| 63
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]''
| 5
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders: Trap Team|Skylanders: Trap Team]]''
| 47
| 78%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One|Ratchet & Clank 4 One]]''
| 45
| 77%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
| 35
| 77%
| A pop music version of ''Guitar Hero''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band Blitz|Rock Band Blitz]]''
| 18
| 76%
|
|-
| ''The Price is Right''
| 11
| 76%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under the assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
| 43
| 72%
|
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 3]]''
| 38
| 71%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
| 27
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Papo & Yo|Papo & Yo]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
| 7
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock of the Dead|Rock of the Dead]]''
| 21
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation Home|PlayStation Home]]''
| 13
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
| 36
| 62%
| ''Sonic Kart'' couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to ''ModNation''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Tomb Raider (2013)|Tomb Raider]]''
| 51
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:LittleBigPlanet Karting|LittleBigPlanet Karting]]''
| 45
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
| 31
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band: Classic Rock]]''
| 12
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:The House of the Dead 4|The House of the Dead 4]]''
| 15
| 52%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|Uno]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|Xbox Live Arcade]] version. Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''[[Sonichu's Edge|Mirror's Edge]]'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

===Hacking===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits, as well as the video with [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console humping]].

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3, so much that the [[Spanish|Hispanic]] [[Chris_and_race#Hispanics|community]] would call him a "Sonyer". He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of Chris humping his PS3 was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]

On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrades coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]

By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]

It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PlayStation Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo]]'s [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

==PlayStation Plus==
On 29 [[June 2010]], Sony started PlayStation Plus, a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play "free" rentals of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' and ''Sonic the Hedgehog 2'', games that he has already bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 turned on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

He holds his PS3 controller in many of his videos to turn his PSEye on and off, such as in [[I Got A Fish]].

==See also==
* [[PlayStation 4]] - The life upgrade... upgraded.
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External Links ==
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
{{Template:Relics of Fail}}
{{Lists}}
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Chris and sex

2020-12-20T09:42:21Z

Methalowiec: /* Rape */

{{Dated}}
{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, [[Borb|a sheltered upbringing]], and the [[Autism|twisted, disjointed]] [[Chris and reality|worldview]] he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he [[Things Chris has ripped off|stole]] from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
===The Bible===
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

===Sexism===
[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian [[For Julie's Eyes Only|professing his love]] for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the [[JERKS|men]] in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological in nature (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex), or a combination thereof.

In 2018, a troll posing as [[Magi-Chan]] leaked a [[All Star|video]] on Chris's Twitter depicting him tugging his [[duck]] to a certain well known song. He remains flaccid the entire time; his inability to get an erection is possibly a side effect of [[Transgender|HRT]]. If this is true, Chris will certainly not be getting any hanky-panky in the future.

During his time losing his virginity to a [[Mia Hamm| prostitute]] its worth noting that he first received a blowjob, than demanded cowgirl before possible missionary later; [[Obesity| but luckily for her]] he couldn't last very long and finished just after she rid him for a bit; this is important as it points to 2 big problems with chris; first his lack of self control due to him [[Navy| finishing]] so quickly [[Financhu Crisis| (his lack of self control is possibly the main reason his life is so fucked right now)]], second is that he ordered possibly the laziest sex position in the book, with Mia doing pretty much all of the physical exercise with Chris being a lazy fuck [[Chris and work| (the other reason why his life is so fucked)]]

==Homosexuality==
{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
{{quote|I am half-Sonichu and half-Pokemon, thus making me a "furry".|Chris, May 2018<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/997320832040005634</ref>}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry was, for a long time, debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it was confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris was actually prejudiced against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Then, in May 2018, Chris [[May_2018_social_media_posts#Michael_Hirtes_BTFO|went back on]] another of his long-held beliefs. Becoming another of the things he used to loathe, Chris dubbed himself a furry, no doubt influenced by his [[MAGfest#The_Aftermath|encounters with some]] at MAGfest a few months prior.{{-}}

==Prostitution==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris's leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that [[Mia Hamm|the girl]] was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

In [[June 2016]], Chris himself made [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|another attempt]] to enter the prostitution business, now as a [[Tomgirl|trans woman]], going by the name "Stephanie Bustcakes". Predictably, Chris was unable to find any "women of any orientation" who were interested in paying him $100 to have sex either "one way or the lesbian way", and the Stephanie Bustcakes persona has not yet reappeared.

[[File:ChrisChanSexForMoney.png|thumb]]
In [[April 2018]], Chris, facing [[Financhu Crisis|serious financial issues]] and having recently been brainwashed into [[bisexual]]ity, made a [[Twitter|tweet]] offering to [[April 2018 social media posts#Will provide house tour and suck dicks for money|give blowjobs for money]]. However, the post may have been made under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], and few of Chris's fans have any interest in taking up his offer to verify.

==Incest==
{{Dated}}
{{Quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]].|Chris, 2016}}

[[File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|thumb|Chris having sex with his "son," Sonichu, in order to fulfill a prophecy to bring Crystal into the world.]]

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related (despite their type and appearance differences, they all come from [[homos|Sonic and the same male Pikachu]]-apart from that fact, they were all created by Chris and acknowledge him as such- Sonichu and Rosechu calling him father), but many of them are paired off with one-another (notably Sonichu/Rosechu, Bubbles/Blake, and Magi/Silvana- Simonla was technically made by someone else), banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]]. Chris's own comic children are a form of incest- as Chris impregnated himself with his navy. Chris shrugs off [[Autism|all medical/science facts]] and lists the two as perfectly healthy and Autism Free

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship,<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> not realizing that incest is shown in a positive light in [[Chris and religion|the Bible]]. When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible,<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true.<ref> [http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]</ref>

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, the troll convinced Chris that [[Magi-Chan]] foretold of a prophecy in which [[Crystal]] would be born by Chris mating with Sonichu. He also informed Chris that if this was drawn, he wouldn't have to do it in real life. Chris complied<ref>https://archive.md/AL1PT</ref>. During the nonsensical [[Sonichu 13| issue 13]] of Sonichu incest is unsurprisingly everywhere, from [[Chris Chan Sonichu]] getting married to [[Magichan]] to Chris and Sonichu raping each other.

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest. He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever." Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s)." All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which raises the question of whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].

{{quotebox|I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

On 13 September 2019, while [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as Magi-Chan, Chris would describe Barb as a "guilty pleasure waifu."<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Barbara was more of a "guilty pleasure" waifu]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. He also evidently see's no issue with rape by fraud (essentially having sex with someone while tricking them into believing you're somebody else, meaning they didn't consent with you) as seen with his comic book counterpart when he travels forwards in time to have sex with his future wife lovely weather in the guise of being his future self [[Tomgirl|(whom is definitely a different person in the future)]]. During the [[Kacey Calls]] he attempted unsuccessfully to lure her to his place in the guise of being [[Liquid Chris]], again seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also doesn't have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Tomgirl|female]] enough or [[Chris and his ego|attractive]] enough that [[Chris and reality|a man would want to rape him.]]

==Sexting==

<strike>[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]</strike> Link down. Please reupload.

==Contraceptives==

{{quote|Confidentially, I wear a condom during the second half when I masturbate; I use Trojan or LIfestyles brand (Trojan mostly)

And I used condoms when I fooled with the [[Officer Nasty|L.D.s]] as well.|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 1]]}}

Condoms, or as Chris has called them "'''raincoats'''", are thin latex coverings worn over a man's penis for the purpose of birth control. However, Chris seemed to understand the condom as more of a symbol for promoting safe premarital sex rather than as a contraceptive. Aside from promoting safe sex and justifying premarital sex, Chris has also drawn his male Sonichu characters with condoms in order to censor their penises. Chris has stated that before his third date with [[Blanca]], he'd wear a condom for the first two times they've had sex, only to have non-protected sex by the third date, showing that he also believed that condoms serve more as some kind of gateway to pregnancy. Chris had a box of chocolate-flavored condoms that he purchased to be prepared for his first time. Chris had given a few different dates for when they expired; some time in 2010 <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Sex_Logs#Condoms</ref> and January 2013.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)</ref> Chris reportedly also wore a condom that was flavored like green apple while engaging in sex with Mia Hamm.<ref>[[July 2020 social media posts]]</ref>. Its not entirely clear whether the condom was entirely successful or not due to him mentioning that a "Smidge" of Navy had leaked out after their first round together, meaning he either kept them in is pocket far too long, the condom didn't fit entirely properly around his [[Duck]] or he simply became flaccid way faster than he should have, for those wondering however its probably safe to assume [[Mia Hamm]] wont be harbouring [[Crystal]] any time soon, even by some non-existant chance he managed to get her pregnant she would have likely been on the pill anyway.

==See also==
*[[China]]
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Chris and sexuality]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Wikipedia

2020-11-17T08:16:15Z

Methalowiec: /* Foreign-language Wikipedias */ since the Russian guy's name is mentioned, might as well add mine cuz I created the Polish one

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quote|I ONLY WISH TO TELL [[Honest Content|THE TRUTH]] AND SPREAD IT ON THE [[Chris and the Internet|INTERNET]].|Chris}}
On 1 [[May 2009]], for reasons that only [[GodJesus]] knows, [[Christian Weston Chandler]] registered on '''{{w|Wikipedia}}''' as [[Chris-chan Sonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]]. He did this almost solely to create a user page that is to record one of the most in-depth autobiographical accounts of his life.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu User talk:ChrisChanSonichu], Wikipedia</ref>

A user page is not a proper article, and therefore not subject to the same strict guidelines as an article, but as biographical and personal an article as Chris's was a flagrant violation of Wikipedia policy. The Wikipedia community tends to frown on use of the user pages as web space;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:User pages#Excessive unrelated content|Wikipedia:User pages#Excessive unrelated content]]</ref> the user pages should usually be reserved for purposes somehow related to the Wikipedia project, and user pages for users who don't contribute anything to the articles frequently get deleted. Chris, of course, made it abundantly clear that he's not interested in actually editing the project.

Chris's user page was deleted by a Wikipedia administrator, who believed it to be the work of a [[troll]]. Sadly, the [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|details]] show that this was the real deal.

The only other thing Chris did was add his name to the article on high-functioning [[autism]], under the list of "famous individuals that may have had many different variations of autism along with HFA."<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?limit=50&tagfilter=&title=Special%3AContributions&contribs=user&target=ChrisChanSonichu&namespace=&tagfilter=&year=&month=-1 User contributions for ChrisChanSonichu], Wikipedia</ref><ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=High-functioning_autism&diff=prev&oldid=287579250 High-functioning autism], Wikipedia</ref> The kicker is that [[Chris and his Ego|he put himself right next to]] [[Wikipedia:Michelangelo|Michelangelo]]. [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Again]].

To date, the "Christian Weston Chandler" article on Wikipedia has been created by trolls four times and deleted each time: 15 [[February 2009|February]], 26 [[March 2009|March]], 28 [[April 2009|April]] and 3 [[May 2009]].<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/Christian_Weston_Chandler</ref> It has consequently been "[[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Protection policy#Creation protection|salted]]" or protected so that it cannot be re-created under that title. Chris's account was also blocked indefinitely; even though it was owned by Chris himself, and not a troll (as the admin believed), he violated many rules on it anyway. The page on [[Ruckersville, Virginia]] is also locked to non-autoconfirmed users to prevent people from adding mentions of Chris.

To this day, discussions still regularly appear on Wikipedia debating over whether Chris is notable enough to be included on Wikipedia, with users ranging from weens, to fans, to even normal Wikipedians. So far, no such page has been created on English-language Wikipedia.

==[[May 2009]] drama==
In a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|video]] on 3 May, Chris makes a case for his worthiness and rallies his [[True and Honest]] [[fans]] to restore his biography. He also posted the following on his Wikipedia discussion page:

{{quotebox|Dear Sir/Madam,

LOOK, I do not have the appropriate [[Slow-in-the-minds|calm state of mind]] to make time to READ those numerous upon numerous small-print details, much less memorize them. I have had a LOT of SLANDEROUS TWISTS OF MY OWN WORDS done unto me in the past SOO MUCH, it is HARDEST for me to get a [[job]] in a place that does background checks, only to find that cursed [[ED|E.D]]. Page those EVIL [[trolls|TROLLS]] created against me at the TOP of the list.

I started [[CWCipedia|my OWN Wikipedia]] page to hopefully counter that and better the people's General Understand of the Noble Gentleman I truly am. I SPENT HOURS, recalling MEMORY after MEMORY to type up the [[HONEST]]-TO-GOD TRUTH.

I DO NOT CARE about the erroneous listings or false information listed on other pages; I ONLY WISH TO TELL THE TRUTH AND SPREAD IT ON THE INTERNET.

Plus, I have [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa Anne Hudgens]] as an honest, very close [[Gal-Pal]], and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.

I have created [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_May_3rd,_2009|a video on YouTube]] respectfully asking to leave my Wikipedia ALONE with MY HONEST TRUTH from MY OWN High-Functioning Autistic Head; my [[Fanbase|LOYAL FANBASE]] will be sending you letters.

UNDO YOUR DELETION, PLEASE.

--Christian Weston Chandler (talk) 01:25, 4 [[May 2009]] (UTC) }}

In short, Chris didn't give a shit about contributing to Wikipedia, only aiming to use it as a means to present what he thinks he is without needing to vandalize his Encyclopedia Dramatica page.

==Mainspace articles involving Chris==
[[File:Cwc on wikipedia.png|200px|thumb|left|Note that it calls us an "infamous" wiki.]]
On 13 [[August 2010]], a new article on Mr. Chandler was created under the name Christian W. Chandler. The article consisted of the following:

{{Quotebox|'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February 1982) is an illustrator from Charlottesville, Virginia. He is known mainly as the creator of '''Sonichu''', a fan fiction comic based off the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokémon]] franchise. He was also featured in the May 2004 issue of [[Nintendo Power Magazine|Nintendo Power]] for his documentary, the April 2005 issue of Nintendo Power, and the community college newspaper for [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]].

Christian Weston Chandler's birth name was, in fact, '''Christopher'''. It took a chance encounter with [http://www.leonardbearstein.com/ Leonard Bearstein] in Regency Square Mall for his current name to be bestowed upon him. Aged 11 at the time, Chris and his father were in the mall for holiday shopping when Chris came across Leonard and engaged him in conversation. The man behind the microphone, mishearing the name "Christopher", addressed the young boy as Christian, a name that struck a chord within the young Chandler's heart. All it took was one legal name change for Christian to assume the identity he carries with him to this day. He acknowledges jokingly that it was as if God spoke through the bear to give him the name he always wanted.}}

The article used Chris's two ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' appearances, as well as the [[Animal Crossing Documentary#PVCC.27s news report|writeup]] in the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] ''Forum'' and the [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES]] as references. Only a day later, this article was also nominated for deletion; it got deleted less than an hour-and-a-half later after the author requested it be deleted.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/Christian_W._Chandler</ref> Further inspection showed that the article creator was a sockpuppet of a user who had previously been banned from Wikipedia.

On 21 [[April 2016]], an article was created under the title '''Sonichu (Comic)''' and soon nominated for deletion; the article without the (Comic) qualifier was already protected from creation. It read, as of 22 April 2016:

{{Quotebox|Sonichu is the comic created by Christian Weston Chandler, which combines the Pokémon, Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog. THe comics contain several references to Chris's real life and he has also created numerous custom Pokemon cards featuring Sonichu and other characters from the series. Sonichu is a recolor of Sonic the Hedgehog in Pikachu yellow, and he travels with a human companion named Chris, who is based on the real-life author. You can see many of these cards as well as a more detailed biography of the character at this link: http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_(character)}}

==Other Wikipedia edits of note==
[[File:Meganwikipedia.png|200px|thumb|right|Megan disapproves.]]
[[File:Smitheywiki.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Cole approves.]]
In January and February 2010, [[Megan Schroeder]] (or a person pretending to be her) removed references to Chris from the Wikipedia articles on Manchester High School and [[Cole Smithey]].<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Meganshroeder</ref> Her edit summaries both ended with "that was either put there by vandals or by Christian under the assumption he is important enough to be mentioned (he is mentally handicapped)." Less than a day later, her edit summaries were struck out.

The articles' histories indicate that both mentions of Chris were added by anonymous users who most likely are not Chris, as the genuine article would have been far more [[Chris and English|verbose and rambling]]. One editor cited this very wiki as a reference, running afoul of Wikipedia's policy on [[Wikipedia:WP:RS|reliable sources]]. As our own Wwwwolf put it, "Sorry, but Chris can't be mentioned here either unless there are reliable sources for this. That means actual publications. Also see Biographies of Living Persons on why sourcing stuff in biographies is such a big deal. This is not CWCki or ED; please remember Wikipedia's rules." Skimming through the talk page and edit history of any article even remotely connected with Chris reveals large amounts of petty vandalism from [[weens]].<ref>Articles infected with Chris related vandalism include [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Sean_Marshall&diff=next&oldid=350396058 Sean Marshall], [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Ruckersville,_Virginia&diff=399557954&oldid=399169556 Ruckersville], [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Charlottesville,_Virginia&diff=315040313&oldid=315040250 Charlottesville] and [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Jimmy_Hill&diff=276226199&oldid=276119469 Jimmy Hill], among others. </ref> This has led Wikipedia to set their [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Edit filter|edit filter]] to prevent users from making edits with Chris related phrases.<ref>For more info see the [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:AbuseLog&wpSearchFilter=257 filter log] of filter 257 - Sonichu and other repeat vandalism. The phrases [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:AbuseLog/4961668 "Christian Weston Chandler"] and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:AbuseLog/4954315 "Sonichu"] are disallowed by this filter.</ref>

On 22 [[February 2010]], the article on Cole Smithey was placed up for deletion.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/Cole_Smithey</ref> The first two votes in the discussion both called for deletion of the article, and both made explicit mention of Chris; the second one read, "'''Strong delete''' unless somebody wishes to write a sourced, neutral article about him. Otherwise, this serves as cannon fodder for the ChrisChan Sonichu fanatics over at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]." The article was deleted on 1 March.

It should also be noted that an account with the name Cole Smithey edited the Wikipedia article on Cole, and spammed film articles with links to his reviews. Whether or not this is the real Cole (who is known to be rather egotistical) remains to be seen.
{{clear}}

==Current situation==

"Christopher/Christian/Christine Weston Chandler" and related titles are currently "[[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Protection policy#Creation protection|salted]]" (protected from creation) so that it cannot be re-created under that title.<ref>Public logs for: [https://web.archive.org/web/20191210112152/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Log?page=Christopher_Weston_Chandler Christopher]/[https://web.archive.org/web/20191210112154/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Log?page=Christian_Weston_Chandler Christian]/[https://web.archive.org/web/20191210112156/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Log?page=Christine_Weston_Chandler Christine] Weston Chandler; [https://web.archive.org/web/20191210112343/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Log?page=Chris-Chan Chris-Chan]; [https://web.archive.org/web/20191210112353/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Log?page=Sonichu Sonichu].</ref> Other pages associated with Chris, such as those for the [[Kiwi Farms]] and [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], are also locked to non-autoconfirmed users, to prevent people from adding mentions of Chris.

Discussions continue to regularly appear on Wikipedia debating over whether Chris is notable enough to be included on Wikipedia, with users ranging from weens, to fans, to even normal Wikipedians.

==Foreign-language Wikipedias==

=== Spanish ===
On 26 January 2017, an article about Chris was added to the Spanish Wikipedia. It is quoted below:

{{quotebox|Christian Weston Chandler (Charlottesville, Virginia, 24 de febrero de 1982) es un vlogger de YouTube y creador del webcómic Sonichu. En 2007 Christian se convirtió en objetivo de troleo por parte de Encyclopædia Dramatica y 4chan debido a pobre calidad de su trabajo, su comportamiento inusual y sus reacciones extremas a la hostilidad. Christian fue arrestado en el 2014 después intentar remover la carátula del juego Sonic Boom en GameStop y atacar a un empleado antes de salir forzosamente.}}
Translation:
{{quotebox|Christian Weston Chandler (Charlottesville, Virginia, 24 February, 1982) is a YouTube vlogger and creator of the webcomic Sonichu. In 2007 Christian became a target of trolling by Encyclopedia Dramatica and 4chan due to the poor quality of his work, his unusual behavior, and his extreme reactions to hostility. Christian was arrested in 2014 after trying to remove the cases from the game Sonic Boom at GameStop and attacking an employee before leaving forcibly.}}

It used the Know Your Meme page about Chris, as well as a site reporting on his [[26 December 2014]] arrest, as sources. The page was deleted on 3 December 2017, however an archive copy is linked [http://archive.is/V1fGP here].<ref>https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Consultas_de_borrado/Christian_Weston_Chandler</ref>

=== Polish ===
On 15 [[August 2020]], a user of CWCki, Methalowiec, successfully created a page for {{w|Christian Weston Chandler|Chris|lang=pl}} on the Polish Wikipedia, which is a different website entirely from its English counterpart. Despite the English Wikipedia having banned the page from being created, the Polish page was accepted by an administrator. Notably, the page refers to Chris by male pronouns; this was probably accepted due to Poland's right leaning political environment.

=== Russian ===
On 19 [[October 2020]], a user of CWCki, AutoDiller (Soglasun on Wikipedia), created a page for {{w|Чендлер, Кристиан Уэстон|Chris|lang=ru}} on Russian Wikipedia that was mainly translated from the Polish version.

==Sources==
<references/>
==See also==
* [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]], a facsimile of the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ChrisChanSonichu deleted Wikipedia userpage]
* [[User:Apostrophe/Chris-Chan_talk|A mirror of his talk page]]
==External links==
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/ChrisChanSonichu Chris's edits]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu&oldid=287920013 Chris's talk page] before it got locked, complete with [[pickle|gherkins]]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Administrators%27_noticeboard/IncidentArchive534#User:ChrisChanSonichu Wikipedia:Administrators' noticeboard], where admins talked about Chris
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Slakr/Archive_12#Additional_point User talk:slakr], where an admin called us special for taking "pot shots at some poor guy suffering from apparent mental disability"
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Websites]]

Chris lost Crystal

2020-10-28T06:34:45Z

Methalowiec:

{{DeadLinks}}
'''Chris lost Crystal'''<ref>The Squad described the video as "chris chan lost crystal oh no how many babies has he lost u.u"</ref> is a short [[video]] leaked to [[/cow/]] on 29 [[December 2018]].<ref><s>https://8ch.net/cow/res/688787.html</s> 8chan is kill</ref> It appears to be another [[Idea Guys]] video leaked by the [[Teen Troon Squad]].

It shows Chris screaming at his toilet, in a voice that sounds like a very poor imitation of Bubs from ''Homestar Runner'', demanding to know where [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|his "baby"]] is. [[Barbara Chandler|Note the several empty toilet paper rolls hoarded on the shelf.]]

If you're wondering what prompted this outburst, or what the context behind this video was, Chris finally explained it (sort of) in a [[Discord Q&A]] by implying that it was related to [[Spirit possession|him being possessed by one of his OCs]] at the time he recorded the video:
{{Quote|You can blame freaking [[Idea Guys|Idea Guy/Joshua Wise]] for that. Because he had told Mama that we [[Sonichus]] did not... we Sonichus and [[Rosechus]] did not like using the toilet, treat it like an enemy, which that is not true. We respect and use the toilet when we are civilized, and Rosey and I, among us specials and the rest of us who actually live in the domicile, we respect and are domesticated.
So that was just manipulation of Idea Guy, that was the reasoning behind that.|Chris, [[Spirit possession|"possessed" by]] [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], October 2020<ref>[[Discord Q&A 9]]</ref>}}
With that in mind, we are still at an utter loss for words about how this relates to Crystal, although it may be possible that the Squad was wrong about it relating to her to begin with.

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris lost Crystal
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EJykA2XTmbc}}
| stardate = 29 December 2018
| maker =
| subject = [[Crystal]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Teen Troon Squad|text}}, {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Merry Gubmas!]]
| next = [[December 2018 videos#**Audio-Only furthering.|**Audio-Only furthering.]]

}}

====Transcript====
{{RageQuote|Ay, you toilet! What happened to my baaaaaybeeeeeeey!?}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Troll Videos}}
{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Fantasies}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[December 2018 Paid Video Requests]]|nextlink=[[December_2018_videos#.2A.2AAudio-Only_furthering|**Audio-Only furthering.]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2018]]

Robert Simmons V

2020-10-15T11:52:10Z

Methalowiec:

: ''"Robert" redirects here. For the late Chandler family patriarch, see [[Bob Chandler]].''

{{infobox
| title = Robert Simmons V
| image = [[Image:RobertSimmonsVsRosechuFanart.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Robert Simmons V
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Sonichu1985 Solidus Chris
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = c. 1985
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Father
|data7 = Robert Simmons IV
|label8 = Relatives
|data8 = Andrew Simmons I (cousin)
}}

'''Robert Simmons V''' (born [[1985]]; a.k.a. '''Sonichu1985''', '''Solidus Chris''') was an [[Trolls|anti-troll]] who befriended [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on [[YouTube]] in [[2008]] and [[2009]].

He put on his act copying Chris's traits pat, with a [[Medallions|Sonichu medallion]] of his own (really just the classic [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] colored yellow and with no [[Sonichu]] tail), talked in a [[Speech impediment|loud monotone]], liked ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' (and very kindly wished that CWC would also have Sailor Moon for a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]]), and performed a song he wrote for Chris-chan, complete with a sequence in which he heroically smote to death [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] and the [[Jerkops|Robotnikjerks]].

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==YouTube==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|UtlMYYvEsvU}}</center>

The events that took place in Robert Simmons' life also coincided with Christian's life, from account hacking, to getting the medallion taken. Robert Simmons seems to have a slightly disturbing relationship with his sinister cousin Andrew Simmons I, who is not a good actor, that seems to parallel Chris's own Fem-dom/Male-sub kink.

Robert Simmons V also appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] in the radio interview with [[Jiggliami]].

By 21 [[February 2009]], Robert Simmons V had taken down all of his videos and changed his profile to announce:

{{quote|I decided to remove all of my videos because I have come to the realization that Mr. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] is a horrible person. It took me awhile to understand that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] did not slander Chris but rather was telling the truth. From lying to his fans about the [[Nintendo]] deal, to his perverted ways, I cannot bring myself to be a fan of [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]] anymore (not to mention he doesn't even bother to update anymore). My only regret in this whole ordeal is that I wasted my time trying to defend such a [[Ego|self centered, arrogant]], [[Women's rights|sexist]], [[Homos|homophobic]] asshole. As my cousin said it himself about Chris "What a selfish Cow, bottom line lose some fucking [[Obesity|weight]], God Dammit!"}}

Robert later claimed that these were not actually his TRUE and HONEST words, but rather, those of [[Clyde Cash]], who had hacked his account.<ref>[[Church audio#00:06:27 - A Wild Chris-Chan Appears]]</ref>

<center><gallery>
Image:RobertSimmonsV1.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV2.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV3.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV4.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV5.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV6.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV7.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Church visit==
{{main|Church audio}}

On 15 [[March 2009]], days before [[Emily]]'s date, Robert and another troll drove to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Chris's church]] uninvited. Robert goes up to Chris while the other troll remains in the background. Introducing himself with "Hi... I'm Robert," Chris recognizes him and they start talking.

Robert accompanies Chris to church, highlights from the audio include, [[trolls]], Chris's sweetheart search, ''[[Family Guy]]'' and [[homos]]exuality.

==In the comic==
Robert Simmons V appears in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], as does [[Blazebob Sonichu]], who was inspired by Robert.

<center><gallery>
File:RobertSimmonsCommic.jpg|Robert Simmons V, in comic form. A very rare sight - a [[JERKS|male]] in a [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]], aside from Christian himself, portrayed positively.
File:Sonichufan1985.jpg
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Andrew Simmons chat]]
*[[Jacob Sockness]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/CompleteFailure2 Robert Simmons videos re-uploaded]
*[http://stream.wellimean.com/cwc/ Abridged church audio]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Simmons V, Robert}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Weens

2020-10-15T11:40:18Z

Methalowiec: /* Examples of weening */

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{{quote|Are you 6-years-old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler]] outsmarting a ween attempting to [[prank call]] Chris.}}

{{quote|Don’t worry about those weens; you know you are safe around me and [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan|my Loves]]. 😊⚡️💙⚡️|Chris, attempting to persuade a fan weens won't hassle them at [[BronyCon]]<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/1020049863961120768</ref>.}}

Rounding out ''The [[Unholy Tetrad]]'' of [[white knights]], [[A-Logging|A-Logs]] and [[enablers]], '''weens''' are those who put effort into trying to troll but only mildly annoy Chris at most. A corruption of the phrase "epic win", weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the antics of prominent trolls, without being aware that there was much [[manipulation]] behind the scenes to goad Chris into performing for the trolls, and therefore just embarrass themselves.

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe some videos will help get the point across.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|O4mkAw9Be-k}}
{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==Examples of weening==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[File:Paying to ween.png|thumb|A ween pays Chris money on livestream in order to post shit he doesn't even read.]]
[[File:ChangeorgGOPony2.jpg|thumb|A ween-made Change.org petition put in Chris's name.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]

* Elaborate trolling plans that end up failing.
* Falsely [[White knight|white-knighting]] Chris to befriend him and get whatever you want out of him. The [[CWCProtectSquad]] is a notorious example of this.
* Prank-calling Chris. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" or "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]/[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|SOMETHING]]!" into the phone.
* Prank takeaway deliveries under Chris' name and address. Not only is this just ''unfunny'' for anyone involved (on top of wasting both money and food), but Chris' local Papa John's among other places have already blacklisted his address from delivery to prevent this.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the two often overlap. [[A-Logging|A-Log]] himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log in numerous ways.
* Enabling Chris' fantastical beliefs. Chris's mind is already fucked up on its own merits, and people such as the Idea Guys have done more than enough in terms of mental damage on him. Once again, please note that although not all weens are enablers and vice versa, they tend to overlap.
* Making fake [[Facebook]] and [[Twitter]] profiles of people Chris follows.
* Spamming Chris's Facebook pages with random pictures to try and get a rise out of him, such as of [[pickles]] or [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails, letters, or social media messages.
* Butting into conversations Chris is having with other people online, especially if he isn't doing anything particularly wrong at the moment (which is almost 99% of the time). This was sadly way too common with the [[DoopieDoOver]] saga.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him ([[Megan]], [[Cole]], [[the Wallflower]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], [[Adam Stackhouse]], [[Michael Snyder]], etc.) and drag them back into the spotlight against their wishes.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'', ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', ''[[Sonichu the Animated Series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' and ''CWCollateral'' not only '''all''' already did this, but have also milked the concept for everything it's worth; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering Sonichu characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Mass reporting in an attempt to get his social media accounts shut down.
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at doing [[Chris and art|commissions]] and participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* [[April 2019 videos#Bonus! LACK OF Glitter Bombing. 🔥Epic Burn!🔥|Sending Chris a glitter bomb.]]
* Sending letters for [[PewDiePie]] to Chris's address.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris.
* [[TF2 Analysis|Harassing bronies whose content Chris enjoys into blocking him on Twitter.]]
* [https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/e3vdae/the_result_of_what_happened_when_i_tried_to/| Re-creating his Wikipedia page as a social experiment.]
* Spamming his tweets with "Where's the comics?". He's not going to respond, so don't even try.
* It may be just plain sad to say, but even telling Chris to “get a job” has become ween lingo.
* Worst of all, breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]]. This includes (but is certainly not limited to) vandalizing or trespassing on Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]] (which includes egging his house), illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him, his mother and by extension the rest of his family, stealing from them, [[Idea Guys|extortion]], or [[Death threats|threatening them]] with violence or even outright murder. We ''really'' shouldn't have to say it at this point, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO ANY OF THIS.'''

==Arguments against weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]

Now, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who still think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" or "'''IAN! BRANNON! SOMETHING!!!'''" at Chris, spamming his Twitter with pickles, or making and sending him parody comics is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. <del>While you ''may'' in fact be that guy,</del> 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===The Chris of today is nothing like his former self===

Chris has gone a long way since his internet debut on the Something Awful Forums. He has gone from a simple-minded man with child-like tendencies that made a bunch of crappy comics, to a mentally disturbed hippie that’s formed a small cult around said comics.

It is important to note that Chris, although still very gullible and severely detached from reality, is (debatably) still a thinking person. Whatever gets him riled up nowadays ultimately depends on the time and situation. Therefore, a lot of [[Sonic Boom|the]] [[Pickle|commonly]] [[Homos|associated]] [[Asperger syndrome|triggers]] he may or may not have had some time ago will not necessarily transfer over to the present day.

The irony in all of this is that most trolling attempts no longer phase Chris at all. And those that do somehow succeed are only viewed as [[Enablers|further support for his cult]]. Therefore, you should never expect to be [[The Miscreants|one of the cool kids]] just by failtrolling Chris. Times have changed, so it’s best to move onto better targets. This leads us into the next point.

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not apply that same effort to going after better victims? As much as the CWCki analyses and discusses in detail [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris doesn't even come ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-nazis]] and [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|other hate groups]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Barb|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]] and [[Zapina Rosechu|ephebophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt]] [[Pmurt|politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Angelica Rosechu|religious zealots]], [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|zoophiles]] [[Clover and Snoopy|and other animal abusers]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan|hackers, script kiddies and malware writers/distributers]], [[JuggaloShoutOut|gang]] [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|members]], [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorists and their online recruiters]], [[A-Logging|A-Logs]], [[Enablers]], and many other assorted shitbirds are much, ''much'' more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit who the trollbait is as long as you get [[Laughs Under Lucricities]], the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be; as discussed beforehand. The amount of effort you would need to put into navigating around his paranoia and autistic sensibilities would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been exhausted, except the shit he does on his own initiative, also discussed further below. All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, you'll be hard-pressed not to get only cobwebs, dust and shrivelled dead insects in return. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit and humiliation.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
Most of the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. [[BlueSpike]] never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later an alter-ego that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as just a YouTube nobody who was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by the man himself out of the blue. [[Emily]]/[[Kim]] had already seen Chris around, and she only pretended to be other people after finding out about his face blindness. [[Alec Benson Leary]] just made [[Asperchu|a parody comic]] with no intention to personally offend Chris. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow, and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Vivian Gee]] started out actually defending Chris and counter-trolling those who tried to do him harm, and only eventually became a troll herself out of spite after Chris never listened to ([[Death_threats#Vivian_Gee|and eventually began threatening her]] as a result of) her numerous failed attempts to warn him of incoming trolling schemes, as well as due to the [[Audiobooks]]; which again, were not made to go out of their way to personally attack him. And [[Ivy]] merely asked Chris for a video shout-out to impress a friend, and didn't even think twice that Chris would [[Holding Out for a Hero|latch onto her as hard as he ended up doing]].

Ask any of Chris's seasoned trolls, and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. On one hand, he completely shrugged off [[Blanca Weiss|"Blanca"]] stealing and destroying the original medallions, even though the trolls behind Blanca had predicted he'd rage like nothing before. Conversely, he has also [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered [[Pickle|quite]] [[Homos|minor]] [[Asperchu|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log himself.

===The Chris of today is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, since then Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]].

This hasn't been helped at all by weens; according to [[Seinor prom|seinor]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time, all of them claiming to be the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Megan and telling him not to believe the others.

Chris also vets those who try to bait him with fake social media accounts of people he follows. Weens tried this during the Doopie saga, only for Chris to embarrass them by thoroughly debunking their claims, complete with evidence.<ref>[[Misc texts#Fake Doopie profile]]</ref><ref>[[August 2017 tweets#Outsmarted a ween, with help of Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

As of today, Chris simply doesn’t care about whatever hackneyed, inane scheme you’ve come up with for him. Even the most persistent attempts at bribery don’t seem to affect him as much as they used to.

===Your idea is probably not original===
[[File:NotLiquidComic.jpg|thumb|A try hard trying to rehash Liquid Chris's success.]]
Whatever your scheme is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame, or convincing Chris to [[The MovingFoward videos|destroy his own life upgrade on-camera]] in an attempt to claim [[Trollin Train|a $9,001 bounty that never actually existed]], or even simply pulling some strings to [[Bob Walks In|have Bob walk in on Chris masturbating]]. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some incredibly minor variation on something that's already been done; like for example, ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"''. In short, you're wasting your time trying to rehash older trolling events, because we've all seen it before. More importantly, so has Chris; so from experience, he very likely knows where you're going with it, too.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Chris is at his most productive when he believes he has lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loves him. Most agree that weenery is detrimental to this strange, symbiotic relationship, and it is considered to be one of the predominant causes of the slump in content between 2011 and 2014. In that time, Chris entered a hiatus as a result of a combination of mourning for his [[Bob|then-recently deceased father]], and a constant stream of weenery over the years that made him think of himself as a victim who wouldn't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he became far more private, meaning barely any content for us. Only four years after 2011 did he re-emerge from this hiatus.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces much better content when left to his own devices. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|outlandish conspiracy theories]] centered on [[Megan Schroeder|someone he hasn't spoken to for years]], [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], eventually continued working on the previously-unfinished [[Sonichu #11]] again, and [[Un-clit 2.0|sliced his own taint open with a knife]] as part of a hair-brained attempt to grow his own [[china]]; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Likewise, let's not forget the entire [[Mary Lee Walsh]] saga (along with at least [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|two]] [[University of Virginia#UVA student on Chris|different]] independent blogs of Chris' bizarre mannerisms and behaviors) happened before he even rose to fame. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
[[File:NullvulgarWeen.jpg|thumb|During the [[Guard Dogs|Guard Dog]] [[saga]], [[Null]] saw to it that weens would face particularly aggressive responses if they attempted to lure Chris through e-mail.]]
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' textbook example of trolling backfiring on the would-be troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had simply toned down the vitriol enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met would have had some skeletons in their own closet -- and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included homemade yiff fanfiction featuring a [[duck|tellingly moderately-endowed]] fox OC, a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography, a laughably-poor college radio show from which he almost got fired after [[Bob Walks In|being caught masturbating in the studio]], and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around attacking Chris and what the radio was playing at the time -- before a crowd who, judging by their reaction, had never even heard of Chris.

Another more recent example of the same thing happening to a ween is the case of [[Michael Hirtes]]. After a myriad of sockpuppet accounts, spam messages to Chris and anyone he conversed with numbering in the thousands -- mostly consisting of outdated memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks -- and enough angry rants for him to ''also'' be described as being truly obsessed with Chris, it naturally led to some digging. Sure enough, Hirtes was revealed to be an unemployed furry who is even older at 53 years old, even less mature and more prone to [[Chris and Anger|tard rage]] than Chris, and having a number of highly-embarrassing things to his name -- including criminal convictions and a newspaper article of him in a fursuit discussing yiffing. Consequently, he became a huge laughing stock overnight; not only turning into a lolcow himself, but it even got to be the point where [[Michael Hirtes#Chris's view on Hirtes|Chris himself dismissed him, and by extension everything he'd done, as an irrelevance]].

By the same token, obsessive and excessive weenery is dangerously likely to get you noticed by other trolls; who will, in turn, start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a huge neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging on the front.

Even successful trolls can become targets: after several months manipulating Chris, the [[Idea Guys]] had their real-world identities exposed in the first half of [[2018]]. Between [[October 2017]] and [[March 2020]], [[Kiwi Farms]] officially encouraged users to <abbr title="Publish identifying information, such as home addresses.">dox</abbr> weens as a deterrent.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lunatics-who-attack-a-mentally-handicapped-person.35124/ Lunatics who attack a mentally handicapped person: Your name here]</ref> Several would-be weens have been foiled this way, and the effects have possibly spread into their real lives. Chris himself has also carelessly exposed those who try to interact with him while remaining anonymous.<ref>[[Other enablers#Sarah and Steven]]</ref> Remember, there is an [[Special:ActiveUsers|energetic community]] devoted to recording every facet of Chris's life and interactions. '''You ''will'' be noticed'''; and as covered in more detail below, the attention you'll end up recieving will likely be the undesirable kind, even if you ''do'' somehow catch Chris's attention.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that do somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. For example, Spazkid stopped making [[Sonichu the Animated Series]] when he realized Chris wasn't worth trolling. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-minds|mentally-ill man]] [[CWC Cums For A Cat|masturbate repeatedly for]] [[Bob Walks In|hours on end]] and [[Julie reveals herself|forced him to shove a broken clay medallion up his ass]], all at the age of 13. The Idea Guys may have to deal with many long-term legal troubles one day for manipulating a mentally-handicapped man into abusing himself, sending false alarms to authorities such as the FBI, and extorting large sums of money from him, all for a sick joke.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox, especially since [[Adam Stackhouse#Adam revisited|he openly made peace with Chris in 2018?]] Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] appreciates seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of being harassed and almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all of these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the drought in content between 2011 and 2014 was because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would have had a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude had Chris still been making frequent videos. A lot happened in that time, although you wouldn't know it from his near-invisible updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, squabbled with [[eBay]] and got repeatedly banned over trying to break the site’s rules multiple times, launched a [[Sonic Boom Protests|dogged, one-man crusade against a simple design change]], and [[26 December 2014|got himself arrested again]] as a result of it. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; if Chris had been as enthusiastic for 24/7 content creation as he has been both before and since then, we'd have been utterly spoiled. While he eventually began making videos again in [[November 2015]], the staggering amount of missed opportunities still remains.

Honestly, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris unexpectedly spilled the beans about his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] during an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]] about [[Homos|a mostly-unrelated subject]]. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him putting up [[House tour|footage of the inside of his house]] on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee on 26 December 2014 was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unfettered by the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online multiple times and [[CWC's Second Message|passionately proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

==Carpetbaggers==

Alongside weens, who consistently fail to use Chris’ infamy to boost their internet prescence, there are those who manage to succeed and are much less laughing stocks than their failed counterparts. Such successes are referred to as '''carpetbaggers'''. Despite being under this page, carpetbaggers are not weens by definition, but they are related in how they try to use and exploit Chris for their own personal gain. The main difference is that carpetbaggers tend to run semi-successful channels and comics purely off of Chris’ infamy alone.

Carpetbagging isn’t always for completely selfish motives in mind. Some people who latch onto Chris for this purpose may also be doing it to protect him from everyone else.

==Conclusion==

To sum it all up, an old saying among long-time Christorians applies here more than anywhere; "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]]''". In other words; even without the active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash and The Miscreants could top how much he perpetually trolls ''himself'' with everything he currently gets up to (even simply on his own initiative) to this very day. So, with no direct provoking or intervention needed aside from casually observing and documenting each event as it comes; just sit back, relax, and [[Main Page|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
*[[A-Logging]]
*[[Enablers]]
*[[Michael Hirtes]], an infamous ween.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Unholy}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

KCWC

2020-10-08T18:55:05Z

Methalowiec:

{{quote|TUNE IN TO STATION KCWC FOR EVERYTHING! *ALL THE GREAT SONG TYPES FROM CLASSIC TO JAZZ TO COUNTRY TO POP TO HEAVY METAL, EVEN JUGS/KAZOOS/WASHBOARDS; ALL THE EARLY AND LATEST HITS, PLAYED AT RANDOM, AS WELL AS SHORT TALK. HOSTED EVERYDAY BY FAVORITE DISC JOCKY, [[DJ Jamsta|JAMSTA SONICHU]], AND CO-HOSTED BY HIS NUMBER ONE WOMAN, [[Lolisa Rosechu|LOLISA ROSECHU]]!|KCWC advertisement, [[Sonichu 8]].}}

[[Image:Jynx.jpg|thumb|An example of "SHORT TALK".]]

'''KCWC''' is a fictional radio station created by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] and hosted by [[Things Chris has ripped off|multiple plagiarized characters]].

==Real life==
As with [[CWCville]], Chris isn't quite sure where reality ends and fantasy begins. Taping your own "radio broadcasts" in [[Chris's room|your room]] is a perfectly amusing and educational form of play for your average 7-year-old, but Chris was [[KCWC broadcast|doing it when he was ''16'']]; kids interested in radio broadcasting at ''that'' age should probably be producing podcasts or soldering up pirate transmitters by that stage. The [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] was actually "broadcast" on YouTube, but people generally expect ''somewhat'' higher production values from 28-year-olds.

==In comic==
Tragically, the radio station eventually appeared in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] as well. In one sense, this proved to be a blessing for Chris and the audience, because radio stations don't actually have to play anything in the comics. Despite the ad claiming that KCWC plays "EVERYTHING", the station in the comic has only been shown to play "[[CWC More Than A Feeling|More Than a Feeling]]" and "[[Ricardo Weston Chandler|Livin' la Vida Loca]]". It's also highly unlikely that Chris listens to heavy metal (outside of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' and ''[[Brutal Legend]]'').

Chris also, in an unusual display of musical knowledge, mentions the use of household items as musical instruments: [[Wikipedia:Jug (musical instrument)|jugs]] (1920's jug bands) and [[Wikipedia:Washboard#The_washboard_as_a_musical_instrument|washboards]] (jazz, zydeco, skiffle, jug bands). Chris probably heard about this from his ancient parents, who would be familiar with very old genres. ([[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was born eight years before Elvis!)

KCWC further functions as a propaganda outlet for the [[CWCville Mayoral Office]], as evidenced in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where the staff can be seen to slavishly praise their [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|dictator]] and his draconian rule.

==Staff==
KCWC is run by [[DJ Jamsta]], a [[homos|sexually androgynous]] hedgehog whose main job seems to be spouting clichéd catchphrases and badly hitting on the female guests in a vain attempt to STAY STRAIGHT. His sidekick is [[Lolisa Rosechu|Lolisa]], a worthless Rosechu.

==Controversies==
KCWC gained international attention for holding an interview with Chris's only [[True and Loyal Fanbase|fan]], [[Robert Simmons V|SonichuFan1985]], and also for breaking hedgehog labor laws.{{cite}}

==FCC violation==
If KCWC broadcast in real life, it would be in violation of FCC rules. Since Chris's fictional world is, for all intents and purposes, in Virginia, the station's call sign would have to begin with a W, making the radio station WCWC. American stations east of the Mississippi River have callsigns beginning with a W, while those west of the river begin with a K. There are exceptions that have been granted, such as KDKA in Pennsylvania and WFAA in Dallas, which were founded before the K/W rule was in place.

Furthermore, there is a [[wikipedia:KCWC-FM|real-life station]] broadcasting out of Wyoming which uses those same call letters, but Chris can't be bothered to figure that out.

However, now that CWCville has been absorbed into the alternate dimension of C-197, these issues have been rendered moot, as the FCC has no jurisdiction within the borders of damaged manchild coping mechanisms.

==See also==
*[[KCWC broadcast]]
*[[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]

{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Fictional places]]
[[Category:KCWC| ]]

File:Assofterror.jpg

2020-10-05T10:57:53Z

Methalowiec:

File:Goodbyehorses.jpg

2020-10-05T10:57:45Z

Methalowiec:

File:Doitinthebedroom.jpg

2020-10-05T10:57:38Z

Methalowiec:

File:Spanking2.jpg

2020-10-05T10:55:28Z

Methalowiec:

Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys

2020-10-04T19:14:09Z

Methalowiec:

{{quote|"My piss is yellow."| Poppy War, [[YouTube]]}}
[[File:Trollsta's Paradise Album Cover.jpg|thumb|250px|The album cover for the deluxe edition.]]

'''''Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys''''' is an album created by the defunct [[music|band]] Guwange, released through Bandcamp on 5 [[January 2012]] (coincidentally, [[Chris]] and [[Barb]] faced hearings over trials on the same day). The album was mostly created so lead singer Rex Rowan Nabours III could raise money for charity. Like the title states, the album consists mostly of covers of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] songs, re-done in a lo-fi folk-punk style, and includes songs from their [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|only]] [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|two]] albums.

The album was featured in an article published by the ''[[Chris in the media#Houston Press|Houston Press]]'' on 12 [[July 2012]]. Rex was quoted as saying "I did a Christian Weston Chandler (the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy) covers album earlier this year with the intent of giving any money I made off of it to [[autism]]-related charities because the dude is basically [[Song for Jackie.MOV|blackface]] for autism."

While the album has a lo-fi sound, much of Guwange's covers are far more listenable than the original versions. Rex may not carry the best vocals, but he can actually carry a tune unlike Chris.

Scattered throughout the album are audio clips of [[DrainedCreativity|some]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|videos]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|from]] Chris.

==Release==
Although it helped gain the band a cult status amongst other Christorians, the album was released with little fanfare. However, it was a huge success in [[Molvanîa]].

Initially, the album was released with a "pay-what-you-want" format, but the option to download was taken down later. Eventually, the album was made available to download for free. The .zip file download of the album also contains videoclips of [[An Ol' Classic Dream]], [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], and the first [[Videobook]].

On 13 [[February 2015]], a special deluxe edition of the album was released, featuring four new songs missing from the original release – including the album's namesake song.

==Text Document==
{{quotebox|On the day of this EP's release, Christian Weston Chandler, known on the internets as "Chris-Chan", will be having a court hearing for 2 misdemeanors and a felony he incurred back in October. He will probably be going to jail for awhile, or, at the very least, be institutionalized and all of us internet kids will probably never hear from him again.

If you've followed his misadventures for any length of time you probably saw this coming. Since 2007, when users of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] discovered Chandler and his comic series "Sonichu" (based around a character that is literally a hackjob of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu), Chris-Chan has been making a huge ass out of himself both all over the internet and the state of [[Virginia]]. For the sake of brevity, please check out www.sonichu.com if you're not already familiar with him.

Anyway, in 2006 Chris-Chan made an album under the name "Christian & The Hedgehog Boys". It consisted of him singing really stupid original lyrics badly over other people's songs. Not karaoke or instrumental versions of these songs either, he just tried his best to shout over the existing vocals, and, like everything else he's done, it's both profoundly hilarious and side-splittingly disturbing. He made two more albums, "Christian & The Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!" in 2009 and "[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]" in 2011. They are more of the same, only he got lazier as time passed and, by the 3rd album, wasn't writing new lyrics for any of the songs anymore.

This album consists of covers of selected songs from "Christian & The Hedgehog Boys" and it's sequel. I did not touch the 3rd album because none of the songs featured re-written lyrics. Two of the songs on this album are covers of Christian & The Hedgehog Boys B-Sides, one of which is hidden as a bonus track in the download.

If you do choose to pay for it, please be aware that neither Chris-Chan nor I will be receiving any sort of money from this endeavor. Any profit I make from the sales of "Trollsta's Paradise" will be donated to some sort of Autism awareness charity (anyone familiar with Chris-Chan will know why), but I haven't decided on which one yet. I still have research to do on that. I will not be giving any money to Chris-Chan because everyone knows he'll just waste it on [[PSN]] stuff or [[sex toys]]. If he wants art supplies (there hasn't been a new Sonichu comic in awhile) or something I'll be happy to send him those, and if he wants to collaborate on new, fully-original music or something and split the profits we could work something out, I'm sure. Given his history with money and things of that nature I refuse to give him any funds that could be going to a more worthwhile cause.

In addition, if you represent Christian or any of the artists whose songs we butchered and you'd like me to take them down my versions I will gladly do so. Please keep in mind, however, that this is the internet and given the subject matter of this album it will probably wind up being distributed everywhere without my knowledge. Also, good luck with taking Chris's albums down. It's probably not going to happen.

I feel both pleased and disgusted with myself for allowing this to be the first thing I release this year. All the 10th Grade Cutie fankids who've been angry with me for taking such a career detour after that band ended will finally get their traditional xpunkxrawkx with electric instrumentation and real drums and yelling album this year though (and I'm going to be stuck playing those songs live for at least another 6 or 7 months, if not longer, although I'll probably stop doing shows for a bit later this year when my videogame launches), so I have to do dumb, [[Mass debate|masturbatory]] things like this while I can. IT'S FUN. TRY IT SOMETIME. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A SERIOUS BUSINESS MUSICIAN DUDE ALL THE TIME. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, ACTING LIKE YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE IS STUPID AND PRETENTIOUS. NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THAT SHIT ANYMORE, THEY'LL JUST SKIP YOUR BAND AND FIND SOMETHING BETTER. THIS IS HOW LIFE WORKS.

DESTROY ALL MUSIC.

-Rex Ronan, January 3rd, 2012}}

==Tracklisting==
* 1. Intro ("[[DrainedCreativity|You drained me...]]") / "[[Yellow is a Mellow Color]]" (1:44)
* 2. "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]" (2:47)
* 3. "[[Feel Our Love At Play|Feel Our Love at Play]]" (2:18)
* 4. "[[I'm Sexy For My Ivy|I'm Sexy for Ya, Ivy]]" (2:31)
* 5. Interlude ("[[April 16 Fetish Vids|Here ya go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum...]]") (0:58)
* 6. "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]" (2:09)
* 7. "[[Revive Zordon]]" (2:01)
* 8. "[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|All I Want for Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend]]" (1:09)
* 9. Outro ("[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Trollin' stupid pickle-suited...]]") (0:56)

===Deluxe Edition Bonus Tracklisting===
* 10. "[[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]" (2:16)
* 11. "[[I Got A Fish|I Got a Fish]]" (1:06)
* 12. "[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]" (2:05)
* 13. "[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]" (3:08)

==See also==
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

==Links==
* [https://www.youtube.com/user/rexualhealing/search?query=trollsta%27s Four songs from the album on YouTube]
* [http://guwange.bandcamp.com/album/trollstas-paradise-a-true-honest-tribute-to-christian-the-hedghog-boys Free Download of Album on Bandcamp]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
[[Category:Music]]

A Public Announcement for Congress

2020-10-04T19:13:48Z

Methalowiec:

[[File:CWCforprez2012.jpg|thumb|300px|Today [[CWCville]], tomorrow [[United States of America|America]]!]]

'''A Public Announcement for Congress''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. The "for Congress" part apparently represents some confusion or misconception, because the video actually consists of a stump speech directed at the American people, outlining the policies Chris would advance if he were President.

== Summary ==

Chris offers a number of initiatives that would give [[Monthly tugboat|free money]] to [[Bob Chandler|senior]] [[Barbara Chandler|citizens]] and [[Inos|the homeless]], while also proposing that taxes be slashed to half of their current rates. In addition, he suggests that all guns should go to the [[jerkops|police]], and the citizenry could only be armed in case of an attack by [[Molvanîa|another nation]] or [[Chris and reality|another planet]].

Though he's billed himself before as a "moderate," most of his prescriptions come from the extremes of the political spectrum: a massive welfare state (extreme left), massive tax cuts (extreme right), restriction on free speech and confiscation of all firearms (extreme in any case, not to mention a violation of both the First and Second Amendments). His stance on gay rights is reasonably moderate, however. [[Homos|Gay people]] would be accepted in his [[CWCVille|Utopian society]], so long as he didn't have to notice that they exist.

In yet [[Twin Falling Towers|another display]] of Chris's patriotism, he calls the [[United States of America|United States]] the United Nations, and refers to it as a city. Whether this is him wanting to expand his control to other nations or a legitimate mistake is unknown.

It's also worth noting that under Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the United States Constitution, Chris was ineligible to run for President at the time he made the video, because he was not old enough.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Article_Two_of_the_United_States_Constitution#Clause_5:_Qualifications_for_office]</ref>

Chris also refers to the Internet as a wireless entity, believing that his tiny WiFi access point has the power to beam his videos across the entire planet.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Public Announcement for Congress
| video = {{#ev:youtube|OhqFeTAHCo8}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Politics|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Vitameatavegamin]]
| next = [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|Pregnant Act]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Dope1.jpg|thumb|CWC [[2008]]]]

Good evening, friends. As your presidential candidate, I will now state how I feel [''Chris makes an odd kicking motion.''], what we can do to improve this, [[United States of America|these nations, these states]]. For one thing, we got so many [[Inos|poor people out on the streets]]. I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have soup beds. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS! So that there would be a bed for every homeless person until they can get back up on their own feet. Also, lower taxes. I will propose [[Monthly Tugboat|lower taxes]], and we shall not have to pay so much. Five percent is okay, but why not two point five percent? And we will not cut off any benefits for the [[Bob|old]] [[Barb|people]]. They are good. And we shall give them plenty of money so they can afford the medications and services to keep them alive, because we do not pay for when we are sick, we pay for our [[Chris and health|good health!]] And we only pay after we're healthy. We're in good health. We pay to stay alive, we do not pay to die.

And, speaking of which, too much [[Sonichu 10|violence]] goes on within these city streets. I will propose only [[gun]] distribution to the official authority, which shall be the post-, which shall be within the [[Jerkops|police departments]]. Nowhere else. And all guns owned by locals, community people, shall be taken away. At least the bullets. When the bullets are necessary, or when there is an outbreak of violence from another [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|nation]] or [[Chris and reality|planet]], then we shall issue the bullets. At all-, at free stations, to be opened immediately. Otherwise we'll send in our special troops. Our [[Chaotic Combo|special force]].

[''A long pause, where Chris becomes visibly agitated.'']

And also [''another pause''], we will be okay to have the gays [''He noticeably grimaces.''] within our community, we will be okay to have the gays within our community. In all states! There will be gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations. I mean, keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody, 'cause mup- the- mag- [[Family Guy|what may be right for you, may not be right for most. For some. You take the good from the bad and then you get an opening statement like mine.]]

[[Chris and reality|People need to appreciate life, so we will not have to face death]]. [[Autism|I lost my train of thought there]], but that's okay. I am only human! We are all human! I am a noble, [[honest]] person. No matter what [[Trolls|e'erbody else]] may say, even on the Internet, and my opponent, [[Clyde Cash|Señor Cachez de Clyyyyde]]. He tells liiies about me! And so do the trolls that have be-trolled me over the Internet. Their jeers, and non-cheers, do not go appreciated. Because it is not everybody who can take a joke. Even when it's at their own expense.

And with that, I will propose Internet securities, reinforced by the FBI, [[Wikipedia:Big Brother (Nineteen Eighty-Four)|and there will be patrol stations of the Trollbusters around these United States]]. [[Wikipedia:Macon_Phillips#Political_Career|Any repor-, any troll activity that you may be suspicious of an individual, you report to your local authority]]! And they will tell, and then they will inform the local FBI station within that state. And then they will investigate thoroughly! Over the wireless that is called the Internet! And they will [[Wikipedia:Simple_Mail_Transfer_Protocol#Security_and_spamming|trace the e-mails back to the origin home address or location]]. And they will be apprehended and fined or sentenced, depending on how CRUEL they are to the [[Alec|victim]].

I stand strong, I stand firm, I AM A NOBLE LEADER! And if I am elected, I will do my best to keep our America strong and sound, and not go down the drain. I'm sorry, [[Obama]], I did vote for you, but [[:File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|I gotta agree with my father]], you are bringing us, somuss- some of the situations downhill. But I have nothing against you because I did vote for you. And I liked your documentary on A&E. I would [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|shake your hand]] at the first opportunity I would to meet you, Mr. President.

And thou- er- fore, I shall conclude my opening statement. In the candisacy of the President, I say, I will do my best! And I am not lazy! Thank you.

This ad is not real. I'm not being, going to be elected President, but I tell the truth nonetheless of what I would do if I were to become President. Thank you.

==Fan videos==
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan Political Ad
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8ojhq6qnBrE}}
| maker = DrNurse
| stardate = 19 [[October 2010]]
| type = PSA
}}

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Vitameatavegamin]]|nextlink=[[Pregnant Act#The Remake|Pregnant Act]]}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Public Announcement For Congress}}

{{PoliticalVideos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Sonichu's News Dash

2020-10-04T19:13:37Z

Methalowiec:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|thumb|300px|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]]]]

{{quote|Well, it’s the end of another month, and I still don’t have a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. Maybe my latest idea, the [[Sonichu]]’s News Dash! newsletter, will make the ladies take notice of me.|Chris, believing your own newsletter will attract women, 31 January 2004}}

'''''Sonichu's News Dash!''''' was a newsletter distributed by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] from [[2004]]–[[2005|05]], in the finest tradition of fringe kooks, conspiracy theorists, survivalist tree-dwellers, religious oddballs and radical doomsday prophets. Chris once decided that printing up a newsletter would be the best way to attract [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. ''Sonichu's News Dash!'' often contained poetry, highly defective [[Dating education|dating advice]], and details on Chris's life and personal interests. It would always end with his description of his requirements for a [[sweetheart]], similar to what was printed on his [[Attraction Sign]].

Chris was scolded by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for littering the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] campus with copies, which led him to bear a grudge against her to this day.

==Origins and publication schedule==
Chris called the News Dash a "spinoff" from his website [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]. As with his later ''Sonichu'' comic, he chose a confusing numbering system for the issues. "Preview Issues" #00, #01 and #02 were simply relabeled entries from the news section of his Pokémon site. #00 was a brief announcement of the forthcoming [[CWC's Sonichu Site]]. #01 was the [[Bionic the Hedgehog (short story)|story]] of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. #02 was a review of "Sonic Adventure, 1999".

These were followed by "Issue #1" in January 2001, titled "Variety of Codes!". It provided the cheat codes for five ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' games. Like the previous three, it was just posted online, and physical copies were apparently not produced.

Chris then lost interest in the ''News Dash'' for three years. He revived the project in January 2004, when "Premiere Issue #1" came out. While the first several were definitely in print, it's not clear if all of them were. He published ten of these issues:

Premiere Issue #1 - January 2004

Issue #2 - February 2004. There were two versions of this issue; Chris said only that it was "Updated for Reasons," possibly linked to the Walsh troubles.

Issue #3 - March 2004

Issue #4 - April 2004

Issue #5 - September/October 2004

Issue #6 - November/December 2004

Issue #7 - January/February 2005 (erroneously published as "2004")

Issue #8 - March/April 2005 (also with "2004" on the masthead)

Issue #9 - "April, Part 2, 2004" (no one knows exactly what this means)

Issue #10 - May/June 2005 (Chris finally realizes what year it is)

==Highlights from the newsletter==
The ''News Dash!'' is a valuable source of information from the pre-trolling days, back when Chris was still stalking women in public places. Here are some tidbits from the ''News Dash!'':

===[[Sweetheart]] qualifications===
As the newsletter was primarily a platform to promote himself to women, every issue ended with this description of his ideal sweetheart:

=====Issues 1 & 2 =====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 21 (22 as of [[2004#February|February 24, 2004]]) and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:

*18-21 years of age (18-22 as of February 24, 2004). *[[Boyfriend-free girl|Does not already have a boyfriend]]. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *[[Obesity|Average or Slender body type]]. *Does NOT [[tobacky|smoke]] and/or drink [[alcohol]]. *5’ or taller. *Lives in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] or [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] area. *[[Chris and race|White]]. *[[Chris and money|Average to High income]]. *Drives a [[Son-Chu|vehicle]]. *Happy, [[Death threats|Positive Personality]]. *A [[Mom|Caring girl]].

*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No [[E-Mails]] or [[Prank calls|Phone Calls]]). So if you are interested, he can be found around [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], or [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; [[autism|he will not be able to notice]]. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu Medallion]].}}

====Issue 3 & 4====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 22 and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:
*18-22 years of age. *Does not already have a boyfriend. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *[[Obesity|Average or Slender body type]]. *Does NOT [[tobacky|smoke]] and/or drink [[alcohol]]. *5’ or taller. *Lives in [[Charlottesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area. *[[Chris and race|White]]. *[[Chris and money|Average to High income]]. *Drives [[Son-Chu|a vehicle]]. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl.
*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], or [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion. }}

====Issue 5-10====
''Same as Issues 3 and 4, but with a link to his [[Match.com]] profile.''

===Sonichu Rap===
The following bit of opaque [[random-access humor]] is how he chose to headline his very first issue:

{{quotebox|Issue #1
'''Sonichu Busts a Move'''

After watching the classic [[Peanuts]] TV episode, It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown, he gets the disco tune stuck in his head and busted more moves than Little Thin Momma. Sonichu said, “I didn’t understand what came over me; I’ve heard the song once and suddenly, I created the “Sonichu Rap.”}}

===Boycott Playstation and X-Box===
{{quotebox|Issue #1
'''Sonic the Hedgehog Makes an Ethical Mistake'''

After amazing success on the Nintendo Gamecube and Game Boy Advance, Sonic pays a visit to the Playstation 2 and X-Box systems; BIG MISTAKE! The PS2 and X-Box versions remained dusty on the shelves, and the GCN version SOLD OUT. Consumers all said and agreed that the PS2 and X-Box stink on ice, mostly because of the terrible graphics. Since the Ganecube has the BEST graphics of all, it is the TOP system ever. So, in this reporter’s opinion, you should buy the Gamecube version of Sonic Heroes, and boycott the PS2 and X-Box altogether.}}

===Chris on PowerWeb===
There were two versions of Issue #2. The first version opened with the following critique of a [[PVCC]] online registration tool. The second version cut this and replaced it with a description of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. It's not clear why Chris did this.

{{quotebox|Issue #2
'''PowerWeb…Here or in the Pier?'''

Powerweb, Personalized Options With Easy Registation on the Web. It’s the latest thing at Piedmont Virginia Community College. But what is it? The PowerWeb brochure states that it enables you to access personal student information and enroll into classes on the internet which can be used from any computer. On PowerWeb, you are able to review courses for availability and status. Add, drop or swap classes. Pay tuition with a credit card. Review or print schedule, and other things.

But it is well known and experienced by this reporter that PowerWeb is terrible for quite a few reasons (listed below). Back in the better days, you could simply fill out one form, have it signed and be well on your way. Here, it’s just click, click, click…”Huh?!”…click, click…. It’s appalling! So, in this reporter’s opinion, REQUEST the good old forms and KILL PowerWeb!

'''Why PowerWeb STINKS on Ice'''

# It is FORCED as the ONLY way to enroll into PVCC.
# There is no alternative to enrolling, because they took away the original registration forms.
# It’s NOT user-friendly.
# It was not designed for the [[CADD|computer illiterate]].
# It’s very unethical.
# There is [[Autism|no person-to-person contact]].
# High risk of lost connection while [[Honor roll|figuring it out]].
# Much LONGER waiting time.
# It’s too much trouble to deal with.
# It had too much advertising to give a darn.}}

===Share some happiness with Christian===
Chris opened the (revised) second issue as follows:

{{quotebox|Issue #2
'''<nowiki>*</nowiki>Very Special Bulletin*'''

On February 24, 2004, Christian Chandler will turn 22 years old! His 21st was not so great. So share some happiness with him by wishing him a Happy Birthday!}}

===On the hiatus of the ''News Dash!''===
{{quotebox|Issue #5
'''Extended Hiatus is Finished
'''

We here at Sonichu’s News Dash apologize for not writing up issues during the summer months, but the head chief of staff, Christian Weston Chandler, was in a Very Lonesome slump. And he was recently Soul and [[Heart level|Heart-Shattered]] by a bunch of [[Jerk Cops]] at the Fashion Square shopping center, and by the female dog, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], at Piedmont Virginia Community College. These people did not agree with his sound methods of attracting an 18-(his current age) Boyfriend-Free woman. But after a stroll through the lovely and serene campus at the [[University of Virginia]], he regained some peace within himself. And so, while he is still journeying through his [[Love Quest]], the News Dash will run Bi-Monthly, but with more general articles of interest. Thank you for your patience.<ref name="news5">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews5.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #5 (September/October 2004)]</ref>}}

===Sonichu goes to the [[University of Virginia]] library===
{{quotebox|Issue #5
'''Sonichu Explores the UVA'''

After hanging at Fashion Square and PVCC, [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]], decided to give the University of Virginia a try. He found the campus grounds serene and peaceful with its history, scenery and plenty of grass to rest on. He found himself [[Honor roll|educated]] within the libraries’ many books, and made like he was in Paris with the outdoor tables and chairs. And the “Corner” stores had an interesting selection of items from pencil sets to [[DVD]]s. He gave the UVA 5/5 Lightning Bolts of approval. Thank you UVA, for a very peaceful place to chill at in the city of Charlottesville<ref name="news5" />.}}

===Chris at an [[anime]] con===
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Chris meeting Monica Rial]]

{{quotebox|Issue #5
'''Sonichu’s Father Meets Hyatt’s Voice'''

On May 29, 2004, I, Christian Chandler, attended my first Anime Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)<ref name="news5" />}}

===A Very Special Holiday Chris-chan===
{{quotebox|Issue #6
'''The Christmas Rush'''

The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the [[C-Mas]] Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, [[Sonichu]] and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.

• If your children, or spouse, want some [[video games]], but no [[toys]], buy some toys anyway, they will be surprised. We recommend any of [[Lego]] sets, [[Transformers]] and [[Kimmi|Dolls]]. 
• Wrap the presents anyway, because they always want to rip up the wrapping paper like a candy bar. 
• Always remember that Christmas is the celebration of family, so [[Cole Smithey|never leave out any relatives]] from your festivities. 
• If you do not have a family, then find a friend to share C-Mas with <ref name="News6">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews6.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #6 (November/December 2004)]</ref>.}}

===Chris wants a girlfriend for Christmas===
{{quotebox|Issue #6
'''Single, Lonesome and Very Depressed'''

While all have families, so does he. While all men have Girlfriends, this man does not, and he is very depressed about it. “Since Agust, [[2003]],” Christian Weston Chandler said, “I’ve been trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free, 18-22-year old girl.” His methods were sound and well-thought; [[Attraction sign|simple signs]], [[Chris and fashion|looking cool]], and “chilling” in [[List of places that have banned Chris|the most social places]]. His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of [[Noviophobia]], where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “[[JERKS|A Jerk]].” His thoughts are sound as the [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|Boyfriend Factor]] is so high, it leaves him with no pretty ladies to choose from. So, if there are any pretty ladies without a…Boyfriend, you can find this lonesome [[CWC "Boyfriend"|prince]] hanging at the [[Fashion Square mall]] Saturday afternoons, in front of Ambercrombie & Fitch. Don’t let his friendly smile fool you; he is hurting inside. Please help Chris have a Happy Holiday.<ref name="News6" />}}

===Prelude to [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===
{{quotebox|Issue #6
'''Sonichu Comic Book is in the Works'''

[[Sonichu]]'s father, [[Christian Chandler]], is working on a [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic book]]. It will be hand-drawn, as [[Asperchu|most comics]] are. And it will feature “Sonichu’s Origin,” the “Genesis of the Lovehogs,” and “Sonichu’s First Big Battle.” It will also include exclusive introductory content into Chris’s world, as well as Sonichu’s world. Chris said that his target date is before [[2005#June|June, 2005]], the month of the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] Convention in Richmond, VA; he plans to be there. So, if you’ve been a Sonichu fan up to then, come find him at the convention, and he will be happy to share the hand-drawn stories of Sonichu!

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sonichu cover provided by Author, Christian Weston Chandler.<ref name="News6" />}}

===An indirect appeal to Mary===
{{quotebox|Issue #6
'''Wicked Witch of PVCC Gives to Cwcville?'''

[[Mary Lee Walsh|Hslaw Eel Yram]], who previously shattered hearts and souls, is handing out presents at [[CWCville|Cwcville’s]] Christmas Tree lighting? Odd, but true, and when interviewed, she had this to say, “After three months in prison, I became rehabilitated and more happy to give joy to those I’ve hurt.” Then we asked her about her oldest victim, Christian Chandler, she said, “I plan to give him a surprise on Christmas Eve, a heart-felt apology.” Well, I guess we’ll see if she will be true to her word on the night before Christmas.<ref name="News6" />}}

===Chris's dating tips===
{{quote|Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu running a mile. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is.|Chris, preaching what he never practices}}

{{quotebox|Issue #7
'''Tips for Finding Love, from the Experts'''

Take it from the lonesome man in [[Virginia]] who has been trying to find a Boyfriend-Free girl for over One year and Five months, with the Boyfriend Factor being infinitely high, all you lonesome saps have to summon up courage, or you won’t be able to get [[China|anywhere]]. So here are some tips from me, as well as noted givers of the 411:

* (CWC) When a girl does acknowledge your existence, rather by a simple wave, or as extreme as a hug, forget the Boyfriend-Factor, summon your courage and talk to her. And be sure to ask her if she does have a Boyfriend.
* (CWC) If she does have a Boyfriend, keep her name in mind, because she could help you hook up with a pretty Boyfriend-Free girl in the future.
* ([[Wikipedia:John Tesh|John Tesh]]) If you want to give her a gift right off the bat, give, or send, her a bouquet of flowers, other than the clichéd Roses, and no more. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to give her more.
* (John Tesh) The right time to give her a gift, during your date, is during, of after, desert [''sic''] (especially if you made the desert [''sic''] for her yourself).
* (CWC) If you are meeting her for the first time, just keep a cool head, and be yourself. But if you want a quick list of what to do, here’s my list, courtesy of the [[Sprung]] game for the [[Nintendo]] DS:
* Introduce yourself: try to [[The Creepy Stare|look serious]] on your face; do not [[Fangs|smile big]], and do not use a [[Speech impediment|forceful voice tone]].
* Compliment her: on her [[hair]] or [[eyes]].
* Break the Ice with a [[Christian's sex joke|joke]]: try not to use an [[Twin Falling Towers|offensive joke]]. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ [[Donald Duck]]. Quack! Quack!
* (Depending on the situation), offer to buy her a [[CWC Cola|drink]], or comment on a topic of interest (such as the [[Lovely Weather|weather]]).
* Ask for her name: make it sound kind and fun. For example, you can say, “[[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Do angels like you have names]]?” If she is offended by that, apologize and say that you thought it was a kind way of asking her name. <ref>Fun fact: Chris used this with [[Anna]] in [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]]</ref>
* (I’d add this step) Ask her about herself: where her family [[Molvanîa|came from]], [[Mary Poppins|favorite movie]] or [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|color]], and other [[Honest Content|fun basic things]] like that. And try to make the conversation fun, because the more fun she has with you, the more likely you are to get her phone number.
* Ask for her phone number: if she does not give it to you now, just give her time, and just hang with her, and she’ll give it to you.
* Ask her for a date: make it immediate, like after work or school. An immediate date shows real interest, or desperation.
*(CWC) Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu [[Sonichu's Edge|running a mile]]. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is.
* (John Tesh) Your date is very important. If you take her to a party, then you probably feel like you need the support of your friends in front of your girlfriend. If you take her to a movie, you are likely to want her to yourself, and sneak a smooch in the dark. But if you take her to dinner, then you are showing real interest, because you are most able to converse over a [[McDonald's|good meal]].
* (John Tesh) When you want to watch a movie with her, you should pick a romance flick. Since you and she are less likely to feel romantic during any other movie category, like action or horror. And hey, she will most appreciate the love you show by sharing the chick flick, because it shows that you care about her feelings<ref name="news7">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews7.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #7 (January/February 2004)]</ref>.}}

===Prelude to [[Silvana]]===
{{quotebox|Issue #7
'''New Rosechu from Outer Space'''

Recently, a black [[Rosechu]] came down from outer space in a fashionable space ship. She came down onto our Earth wreaking havoc by abducting the Sonichu Heroes. But in conjunction with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], the Rosechus of Earth rescued all of them. In an interview with [[Magi-Chan]] Sonichu, he said, “I’ve been communicating with her through telekinesis, and she sounded very lonesome. She said that she was a female [[Pikachu]] who was hit by a shining light from the Chaos [[Rainbow]].” The Chaos Rainbow was the rainbow made when Super Sonic collided with the Pikachu, on that fateful day in Station Square years ago. And when interviewed, the black Rosechu, who named herself, Silvana, she stated, “I abducted the Sonichus, because it was very lonesome on the moon, there were NO aliens there at all. And when I communicated with Magi-Chan, I was inspired to build my spacecraft with the remains of the shuttle that put me there in the first place." <ref name="news7" />}}

===Chris's letter on ''[[Sprung]]''===
{{quotebox|Issue #8
'''Free Personal AD in Nintendo Power Magazine!'''

I, Christian Weston Chandler, have sent an E-Mail to [[Nintendo Power]]’s “Players’ Pulse” section on January 9, 2005, in response to Nintendo DS’s Sprung game (scanned pages shown above). After receiving my copy of the April, 2005 issue, I was pleasantly surprised to find my E-Mail printed in the “Players’ Pulse” section, with the screen shot (shown to the bottom-right), which I find very appropriate to my current situation. The girl on top says, “YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND KICKS YOUR ***!” Although, there are a couple of fixes to mend in their print out: the fear I was referring to should be “[[Noviophobia|NOVIOPHOBIA]],” not “NOIOPHOBIA.” Also, since February 24, 2005, I am now 23-years old, and I am looking for an 18-23-year old, Boyfiend-Free, Datable Girl whom I can love and trust. Also, a little time after using the teachings of Sprung, my fear came back like a boomerang<ref name="news8">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews8.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #8 (March/April 2004)]</ref>.}}

===Chris's 23rd Birthday===
{{quotebox|Issue #8
'''CWC Had a Happy Birthday Party
'''

Christian Chandler had originally planned to have his party on Thursday, February 24, but then it got snowed out, so it was changed to Saturday, February 26. His party was located at the Fashion Square Shopping Center in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], by the tree between Abercrombie & Fitch and Pacific Sunwear. A couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her [[religion]], came by to his party and have partaken in the lovely cake and [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|Mello Yello]] soda pop. They also gave him a very nice present too. His parents were also there, with a present as well, and they told a couple of interesting stories of Christian. Christian, his parents, and his friends, all had a good time, which makes up for Christian’s snowed out 23rd Birthday.<ref name="news8" />}}

===Completion of ''Sonichu'' #0===
{{quotebox|Issue #9
'''Sonichu Comic Book is Completed!'''

Yes, Sonichu fans, the Premiere Hand-Drawn issue of the Sonichu Comic Book has been completed. The project was started with the Cover drawing (see issue #6 of the News Dash for the previous information) back on November 24, [[2004]], and since then, with [[Things Chris has ripped off|random inspiration]] and [[Video games|too many breaks]], the book was completed on March 15, [[2005]]. The Comic includes the first 3 Episodes of our heroic Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu, classic strips drawn before the Comic project and two “Advertisements” for possible future games ([[Miyamoto Saga|at least in Christian W. Chandler’s dreams]]). CWC said, “Well, it took a long time, all things considered, but I feel that this Comic is my best work yet. I have also recently made a Sub-Episode that, one may say, started right after the Epilogue in Episode 3; it will be placed exclusively on the Sonichu Site for the fans to see. Also, I’m thinking about a Premiere Issue #1 featuring the story of how [[Black Sonichu]] was created, as well as how [[Sonichu]] and [[Sonic]] the Hedgehog “formally” met. 8) I’ll keep you up to date as I am inspired; until then, keep on “Zappin’ to the Extreme!” On the Sonichu Site, there will be two ways to access the Comic: through a link on the front page, or click on the Back Cover image (shown below) in this issue of the News Dash<ref name="news9">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews9.htm Sonichu's News Dash Issue #9 (April 2005)]</ref>.}}

===Chris plans to hustle Sonichu at a con===
{{quotebox|Issue #9
'''Christian & Sonichu are to Appear at the Anime Convention'''

(So to speak) Christian Chandler plans to attend the Anime Mid Atlantic Convention in Richmond, Virginia on all three days (June 17-19, 2005). Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see News Dash issue #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more. To learn more about the Anime Mid-Atlantic convention, regrestration, and where in Richmond, Virginia it is located, visit the website at http://www.animemidatlantic.com<ref name="news9" />.}}

===Chris says goodbye to Sonic X===
{{quotebox|Issue #9
'''Sonic X: Final Episode Review'''

On Saturday, March 26, 2005, the 52nd, and Final Episode of Sonic X was aired on Fox’s “4Kids TV.” And I, Christian Chandler, was sad to know that it was aired, because it seems like yesterday that Episode 1 was aired for the first time. Anyway, I enjoyed the 52nd episode. It seemed short to me, but that was only because there were fewer commercial breaks than usual. My favorite part was when Amy ran to meet and greet Sonic back to their home world. Though Amy shouted very uproariously, she was concerned about if Sonic was ever going to be there for her again, as well as his safety. And I could see in Sonic’s expression that he appreciated Amy’s concern and love; he is one lucky hedgehog to have a girlfriend to care for him like that. And of course, Super Sonic’s entrance was a lot more that extraordinary; it was also a scene to really cheer for! After all, it was none other than Sonic in his Super form (which is a treat to see anyway). Knuckle’s and Rouge’s bought about the Space/Time continuum was ridiculous, and how it ended “ticklish” was a real scream. And Christopher’s All-Grown-Up flashbacks made me feel like Japan may make more Sonic X episodes in the future, as the flashbacks left an opening for upcoming episodes. In short, the Final Episode was a Great one.}}

===New Sonichu comics===
{{quotebox|Issue #10
'''2 Brand Spankin’ New Sonichu Comic Issues!'''

Hey, Hey, Hey! What do I say? I say, I’ve been very busy with Premiere Issues #1 and 2 of my Sonichu Comic Book! Episodes 4-6 feature Black Sonichu’s Origin, How Sonichu and Sonic the Hedgehog met, and the stupidest thing I’ve ever drawn in my life. 8) Also, Sub-Episode explores an actual event that happened to the Intrusive Director, me, Christian Weston Chandler. Also, Random artwork, the ads, and good laughs and parodies. Episodes 7-9 features how Christian got his ability to transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu. As well as Wes-Li Sonichu and Sarahama Rosechu’s Origins, with an Anchuent Prophecy. Also, Sub-Episode 3, two new Home-Drawn ads, and a dedication to Christian’s Best Friend. heck them out on the Sonichu Site by clicking the images (shown below). Also, stay tuned in the near future for Premiere Issue #3, featuring the origin of the Chaotic Combo and more. Zap On!}}

==The ''News Dash!'' Incident, in Chris's own words==
{{quote|Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM [[Chris and anger|VERY ANGRY]] AT THAT XXXXX! In response, Iplan to incite the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|masses]], and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on [[Love Quest|getting a girlfriend]] can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!|Chris, greatly overestimating his own power<ref>[[Other]]</ref>}}

==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/newdash.htm ''Sonichu's News Dash!'' archive]
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuNewsLost1.htm First edition of Issue #2]

{{Writings}}
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2020-10-04T19:13:24Z

Methalowiec:

[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

On 19 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first [[dating|date]] ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

==Summary==
* The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], wire Emily with a microphone and run a mic check.
* Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
* Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
* Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt on multiple occasions, and fails every single time.
* Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
* Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
* Bob points out that Chris doesn't pay that much attention to him, Chris struggles to find an explanation for why.
* Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
* Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
* Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
* Bob goes back to his health problems.
* Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
* Chris flirts.
* Chris fails at flirting.
* Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
* Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
* Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
* Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
* Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
* Emily attempts to escape.
* The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle Man]] arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]." A random passerby stops to complement Pickle Man's costume while Chris tries to explain that he was being haunted by the former.
* Pickle Man suggests that all three go to watch ''Watchmen''; Chris expresses hesitance and apprehension at the idea while Emily agrees with the idea, much to Chris's protests.
* Chris gives up trying to make any sort of defense against the Pickle Man's logic.
* Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
* Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily''' - Queen of [[trolls]], she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man''' – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris''' – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob''' – [[Robert Chandler]], the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack. Possible love interest to Emily, though he is apparently nothing more than a slave to Chris.

==Transcript==
=== Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13) ===
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a [[Butt garments|thong]]? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic [[China|vagina]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my [[Sex toys|vibrator]]."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are [[Obesity|Barb candidates]] ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no [[Barb]]; if there ''is'' Barb, I will [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit myself]].

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in [[Clyde]]'s playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']

'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [''inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response'']

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of [[Chick-fil-A]], so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a [[Pickle|penis]].

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like [[Wikipedia:Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|Hamster Girl]]… at [[Coffee Place|Starbucks]].

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' Shut up!

'''Emily:''' [''startled''] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [''inaudible''] jacket.

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [''jokingly''] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [''unintelligible''] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [''inaudibly interrupted''] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [''unintelligible''] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)===

[''Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.'']

===Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello. [pause] I've started [[Rosechu|shopping]] a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [''abruptly''] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' [[Autism|Cute hat!]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|University of West Virginia]]. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers [[Chris and English|never learn how to spell]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the [[Chris and camerawork|camera]].

'''Emily:''' [''disappointed''] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [''unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating''] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[''pause'']

===Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' [[Wikipedia:Transistor|transistors]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not all the solid-state stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had [[Wikipedia:Vacuum tube|vacuum tubes]]. I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in [[Pre-1980#1947|1947]]– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then. You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh- I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved [[music]], and I was in [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|the band]] and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too. And then, I went to Auburn, and then [''unintelligible''] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and reality|Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.]]

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh... at that point in time… Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, [[Wikipedia:General Electric|GE]] heard about it… and they came down to, I was in Winston-Salem, in North Carolina. And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [''unintelligible''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Intercontinental Ballistic Missile]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [''unintelligible'']" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [''unintelligible''] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had a plant there.

'''Bob:''' And… their plant specialized in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''[[Autism|logically]]-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [''unintelligible''] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone lines, warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: [[Homos|Bay Area]] Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. You know, like [[Wikipedia:Logic gate|the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… which is called [''inaudible''] that stands for- it's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented [[2000|Y2K]] pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and [[My Coke Rewards|cans]], and whatever. And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [''unintelligible''] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and [[Kimmi|stuff like that made out of plastic]]. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, [[Sex toys|Tupperware]].

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [''unintelligible''] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [''unintelligible''] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [''unintelligible''] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "[[cat]]" without a 'K' in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his accompliment- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]] outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these [[Autism|math people]]… I dunno.

===Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing [[money]].

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to [[PandaHalo|Australia]], and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to [[Anne Boleyn|England]]. ''Most'' people [''unintelligible''] to see 'em, but [''unintelligible''] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in [[Art|drawing]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At six, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on his computer: his [[Wikipedia:Commodore International|Commodore]] computer…

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [''reluctantly''] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "[[Sonichu Girls]]"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [''responding belatedly to Emily''] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [''unintelligible''] home. And one that's [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the [[Burger King]]… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about twenty years and raised [[Cole Smithey|her first son]]. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in [[Richmond]], and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as [[Wikipedia:The Brady Bunch|The Brady Bunch]]!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [''unintelligible'']. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [''dreamily/creepily''] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''[[Niggos|Satchmo']]'.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Louis Armstrong|Louis Armstrong]].

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill and Salvation Army]]…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [''feigning enthusiastic agreement''] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the [[1970s]], at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did [[Barbara|all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple [[Heart level|heart attacks]], and...

'''Emily:''' [''responding to Chris''] Yeah– [[Chris|for]] [[Burger King|a]] [[Barbara|reason]]!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|pacemaker]] now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a [[Wikipedia:Triple bypass|triple-bypass]] in [[1980]] when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in [[1992|'92]]… And I died a couple times that [''unintelligible''] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High]].

'''Emily:''' [''uninterested''] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother [[Biological clock|stay up all night]]… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[IRC|Internet chat]]! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [''suddenly concerned''] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''[[Heterochromia|green-blue]]''.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] might be blue...

===Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [''truly flustered''] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at [[Golden Corral]]. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth [[Cherokee]]!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't [[September 2011|my time]] yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm [[Obesity|a little hungry myself]]… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck impression]]''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, [[The Creepy Stare|we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "[[Niggos|Dark Temptation]]"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was [[Third date|hookin' up]], I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon|PGSM]]''… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a strange, baby-like voice''] You actually get to see ''[http://sailormoon.wikia.com/wiki/Usagi_Tsukino Usagi]''… [''back to his normal voice''] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of ''Sailor Moon''. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [''unintelligible''] entire [[anime]] series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:List of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars episodes|''Sailor Stars'']].

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the [[Silvana Rosechu|transsexuals]]?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the [[Tomgirl pictures|transsexuals]] and… the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Starlights|Sailor Starlights]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, [[Pedofork|little kids]]?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [''pitiful''] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [''in a British accent''] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''pause, laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s [[Julie|Jul]][[Kacey|ia]].

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[''pause'']

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|too expensive]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly [[Speech impediment|esstinct]], uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and WesterN SizzliN.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]]: the "Shoney Bear".

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a somewhat cutesy voice''] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|''slobber'' all over myself]]… Especially in front of my, uh, "[[Gal-pal|lady friend]]", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' [[Duck|Do ya need a little bit more?]] [long pause] You can deal ''without''…

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, [[Obesity|I take his breadsticks]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for, um,[[Wikipedia:Circuit City|Circuit City]] for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [''unintelligible''] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [''Chris comes back''] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [''a Dave Matthews Band [[parody|tribute]]'']

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it'']

'''Bob:''' The [[Burger King]] is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [''unintelligible''] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokémon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokémon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [''unintelligible''] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Ching Chong|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh-uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chesterfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from [[Wikipedia:Seoul|Seoul]], Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [''delayed pause''] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|my Bible]] that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from [[High School]].

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a [[Honor roll|King England- It's a King England Bible]].

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [''still quiet, hard to hear''] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [''unintelligible''], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spicy food]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, [[Wikipedia:Kimchi|kimchi]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [''sounding it out''] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special fork.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''something more about jalapeños, followed by silence''] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''silence'']

===Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[''hard to hear''] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at [[McDonald's]]-

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''[[Wikipedia:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our [[:File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|school newspaper]] and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [''unintelligible''] and one of them's called World News. [''says call sign''], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how [[Molvanîa|the rest of the world]] looks at [[United States of America|the U.S.]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or [[Molvanîa|Russia]] or [[China]] or in [[Anime|Japan]]-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' W.V.

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [''unintelligible''] you got a kid that's [[Autism|all wired up]], [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:''' ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [''apparently they were talking about him'']

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [''chimes in to correct, [[Autism|sounds a bit upset]]''] He's talking about ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [''unintelligible stuttering''] killed [[Wikipedia:Bowser|King Koopa]]. I can't get off of ''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi's Island|Yoshi's Island]]''.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I'm not very good at those games either. [''more laughing'']

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [''not a mistake'']

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like [[Wikipedia:Marcie|Margie]], doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''[[Peanuts]]'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs again'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [''cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily''] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like [[Wikipedia:Sailor Mars|Sailor Mars]], [''lame voice''] Flame Sniper!

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Chibi-Usa]]. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''apparently doing a horrendous impression of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Jupiter|Sailor Jupiter]]''] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|I don't gobble my food]] [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs''] [''unintelligible''] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on [[Chris and fashion|my favorite]] shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female [[Sonichu]] fan...

'''Emily:''' [''interrupts with a laugh''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ... have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... [[Duck|it's not very big]]. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chest'field County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [''???'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs over Bob'']

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [''inaudible''] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at [[Christmas]] time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [''inaudible''] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many [[stress|problems]] here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our [[Ruckersville]] home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around... [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February [[1998|'98]] issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the [[Books-A-Million]] I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, [[Toys|Toys "R" Us]], then uh [''inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they [[Banned|kicked me out]], uh, last... June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|that one time]] you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- [[GameStop]] gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''[[RuleCWC|Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your [[Sonichu Girls]]?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -[[Tomgirl|gender]], wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [[JERKS|All the other guys]] are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]]?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but [[Pedofork|you do like Shirley Temple a lot]].

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[Wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [''inaudible'']. [[Kacey|Flakey blondes]].

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... [[Women's rights|that's so stereotypical]]...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Wikipedia:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton]] also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [''pause''] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Britney Spears]] is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth Taylor|Liz Taylor]] then.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm nineteen.

'''Chris:''' Nineteen.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|crazy bear]] might come along and call you "Christian."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs''] What?

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named [[Wikipedia:Emily Dickinson|Emily]].

'''Chris:''' [[Virgin with rage|Emily Dickinson]]?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|I just slipped]]- [[Semen|it just came up]]. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [''pause''] [''Chris talks over her'']

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to [[McIntire Park|the park]]?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [''clears throat'']

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be ['inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [''inaudible''] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] go home and watch some [[Bionic|basketball]].

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[''inaudible''] the [[Wikipedia:National Collegiate Athletic Association|NCAA]].

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at [[Manchester High School]]'s varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[''P.A. system faintly in background'']

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About five-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young [''unintelligible''] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet [[Julie|somebody]] and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [''inaudible''] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had [[Wikipedia:American Automobile Association|AAA]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mother [''inaudible''] cross the street [''inaudible''] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [''unintelligible''] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [''inaudible''] [[money]]...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] he left-you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had forty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [''inaudible''] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible''] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called [[Wikipedia:Breezewood, Pennsylvania|Breezewood]].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''inaudible''] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got [[Pedo-Glasses|better eyesight]] than he does.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and [[David Alan Chandler|glaucoma]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing [[ModNation Racers|racing]], and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the [[Sonichu Adventure|adventures]] and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, [[Christmas]] break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Fort [''???''] [''inaudible''] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to [[Clyde Cash|New Jersey]]...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done [[Barbara|dumb things]] too.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy [[Honor roll|town called Jersey,]] I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [''unintelligible''] [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

Bob babbles on about sending something.

'''Emily:''' Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [''impatiently''] [[Rosechu|Clothes stores]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB [[Toys]] here and I- that's where I did my- ten thous- dol... [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes |my thousand dollar shopping spree]] I won, uh... back in, uh... the... Sonic, the Adventures- around the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might have remembered me talking about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [[DVD|I've seen-I've seen it.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

''Chris nervously takes a few steps.''

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Chris:''' You're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just pleasant- it's like… a character from ''PGSM'' or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm an all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [shameless subject change] So what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before- they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next [''unintelligible''] business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [''bravely''] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] [[Megan|I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' [[Megan|But, you know, not- but you know I'm respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-]]

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from ''[[Anime|InuYasha]]'' that… [''chucklingly''] always tries to [[Homos|go for the bum]].

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Miroku|Miroku]].

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch ''InuYasha''? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''Emily awkwardly walks several steps.'']

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where I met [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. I later found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' On her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [''emphatically''] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not... haven't been in touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Ever since she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, uh, y'know... sometimes I dream I'm back- [''unintelligible''] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see [[Megan]] and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [''slightly sarcastically''] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But you know, it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at. The- the toy store was around here in this neck of the woods…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… [[Women's rights|it's that time of the month]]…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [''steering the beast''] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] pick you up right here? Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [''shocked''] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' You think…

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [''turning to Emily''] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [''to Emily as they turn to leave together''] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [''he refers to the novel''], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [''answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind''] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs at Chris'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man'']

'''Emily:''' [''gloating''] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [''[[stress sigh]]s/grunts'']

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [''small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible''] …but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [''attempting to brush him off''] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''as they continue trying to walk away''] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [''to Pickle Man''] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [''suddenly concerned for Emily''] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [''dismissively''] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[''The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends...

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)===

[''There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.'']

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...[[Chris and fashion|very fashionable looking]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.'']

===A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [''inaudible''] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [''continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily'']

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''feigning cheerfulness''] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [''attempts to hug and kiss Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''tries to avoid Chris''] No…N-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Emily''] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

'''Emily:''' [''Overlaps with Chris''] N-no... no thank you! [''nervous laughter''] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [''gives up''] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[''Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.'']

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]!

[''There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughing''] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [''inaudible''] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [''inaudible''] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughing, says something about Clyde Cash'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [''presumably walking to see Frosty''] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download/cp60dr0bpnwt6g6/Operation+Picklesuit+VIRGINia.wav Full audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Chris chan (CWCipedia)

2020-10-04T19:13:01Z

Methalowiec:

:''This article is about the annotated [[ED]] page made by Chris and posted on [[CWCipedia]]. For details on Chris-chan himself, please see [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. For details on the ED forum about Chris, please see [[Chris-chan (forum)]].''

The '''Chris chan''' article on the [[CWCipedia]] was an entry Chris uploaded to his wiki on 17-18 [[December 2009]] in order to "correct" most of Chris's article on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

Chris did not simply copy and paste the text from the ED article; he retyped it completely, as he admitted at the beginning of his version. As a result, there are several typos in his version that were not in the version of the ED article that he copied. In addition, Chris omitted several paragraphs entirely from his version of the article, including one about the [[Medallion of Fail]] and another that concerned slanderous mockeries, such as the [[nudes]] and [[sex tape]] (although he later acknowledged [[For Julie's Eyes Only|the Kimmi video]] in one of his comments).

It also confirms that Chris [[Autism|cannot understand subtlety]]. Parts of the page which are obviously not meant as serious (such as him being a [[Molvanîa|communist]]) are taken seriously, while the 4Chan meme jokes fly right over his head. Further, while some aspects of the page could be considered personal opinions (and in some rare cases, Chris actually did correct parts of the article for truth, such as how many [[attraction locations]] he was kicked out from), most of Chris's "corrections" are blatant lies.

Immediately after typing this, Chris demanded that the CWCipedia [[ChrisChanSonichu_and_WikiSysop_correspondence#The_revised_ED_Page|Sysop]] to copy over all the hyperlinks from the original ED article so Chris can add those to his own wiki.

== Note that... ==

* Rather than censoring it, Chris bolds the statement saying that he's [[homo]]phobic.
* Another doubtless fact: According to Chris's bolding, Chris also denies that Leviticus forbade [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaving]], wearing [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|underwear with elastic straps]], or [[Sonic|crossbreeding]] [[Pikachu|animals]].
* As for religious tolerance, Chris bolds the statement that he is a [[Chris and religion|"prolific hater of all things not Christian"]]. Yes, he himself confirmed that as a fact.
* He bolds the statement accusing him of creating several sockpuppet accounts on ED to vandalize his ED page. He then reiterates that the reason behind his ED edits, which were the main cause of his subsequent downfall, was a [[Honor Roll|bizarrely ignorant]] belief that an "Information Overload" (i.e. "adding a lot of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|shitty porn pics]] and other self-compromising info") would somehow take his ED page down.
* He unfoundedly denies that he failed in his war against [[ED]] and other [[Troll]] sites, and then bolds that his plea to his [[Trolls|"fans"]] to not donate to ED failed.
*He refuses to admit that his nonexistent [[True and Loyal Fanbase|Sonichu fans]] are [[Trolls|nonexistent]], and that his "fans" didn't bring ED down (completely ignoring the subsequent explanation that it was caused by an issue related to the website as a whole)... and then bolds a completely unexpected revelation: that [[True and Loyal Fanbase|the only people who pay attention to Chris]] are ED donors.
* To top all of this, Chris sadly bolds that his reactions to [[Trolls|trolling]] always make things worse.
* Chris surprisingly bolds a statement saying that Mary Lee Walsh was reasonable to assume that Chris was publicly soliciting for [[Hanky-panky|sex]]. Getting back to Earth, he then quickly tries to correct himself, adding that he was not soliciting "anything Other Than Honest [[Gal-pal|Friendship]], that would etc. etc"... thus actually admitting to being a solicitor.
* Chris has generously "forgiven" [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for her past "misdeeds". He also tells us that she tried to ask Chris unofficially not to loiter on [[Attraction Location|college grounds]], but the Chandlers chose to not accept her letter.
*Chris bolds that he still blames [[ED]] for breaking him up with [[Megan]], despite knowing full well that [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|the image that ended their friendship]] was dreamt up, drawn, colored, scanned and uploaded to ED by himself. He also (finally!) admits, by bolding it, that Megan was never his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]].
* Chris denies that he changes [[sweethearts]] frequently. He also bolds that [[Blanca]] was [[Troll|real]], and adds that he [[Naive|trusted her]], and that he "dumped her sorry ass" after "she" destroyed his [[Medallion of Fail]].
* He also expresses his belief that there is absolutely no difference between making a conversation with a [[BlueSpike|9-year-old girl]] and a [[Julie|grown-up woman]].
* He bolds that he wouldn't date an autistic, high-functioning or otherwise. The explanation is that he doesn't want to date [[Autism|''high-functioning'' autistic]] women because he "may be seeing a mirror" reflecting what he would become if he were a [[Slow-in-the-minds|''low-functioning'' autistic]]. To recap: he thinks that a ''high-functioning'' autistic woman acts like Chris would if he were ''low-functional''. Is he being [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]] or just [[Women's Rights|sexist]]?
* He admits that his parents finally advised him [[Honest Content|not to tell every woman he meets]] that he's a [[Virgin with Rage]]. FINALLY.
* At first Chris vehemently denies that he owns [[Kimmi|blow-up sex dolls]]. Then he bolds the statements about him owning a sex doll, taking part in all those [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"JULAAAY!"]] shenanigans, and buying [[sex toys]] and porn vids since [[2003]]. Then in yet another comment he confirms that he purchased straight porn and sex dolls.
* Chris reveals that his vast knowledge about sex and relationships stems from MORE than just watching [[Rule 34|porn]]! His other sources include: [[Date Ed|Sex Ed]], [[I Love Lucy|chick flicks]], [[gal-pals]]' advice, and something called "Relationship Management courses".
* Then announces that he knows about [[Chris and sex|sex]] and [[Love Quest|relationships]] "a LOT" more than any "God-D***ed [[Troll]]" will ever know... including, you know, trolls who are actually [[JERKS|in relationships]] and are not [[Virgin with Rage|Virgins with Rage]]...
* The [[Geinus|guru]] continues to open our eyes, saying that everything we knew about relationships & sex is wrong! "Because while they ONLY think they know or even understand, they Really Do Not Understand At All; THEY ARE DUMBA**ES!"
* Chris [[Naive|bolds]] all excessive positive epithets used in the [[ED]] article as [[Parody|irony]]. He then denies that he has any [[Chris and his Ego|unwarranted self-importance]]. However, a few paragraphs later, he expresses his honest belief that [[Chris and his Ego|actual real-world people would build a city in Virginia named "CWCville" and a "CWCville Mall" in this city, and dedicate them to Chris]].
* Chris also bolds a confession that he "[[Life Upgrade|upgrades]]" his self-confidence by using vitamins.
* He also bolds that [[CWC-isms#I|HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS]]!
* Chris also denies several times... that [[CWCville]] is imaginary and fictional. [[Chris and reality|OH. MY. GOD.]]

=The Actual Article=

'''From Christian Weston Chandler,'''

**Finally, the Truth, False and the Exaggerated are Personally Sorted out from that which has plagued me since November, 2007. I will be retyping the paragraphs of the page verbatim, but with the following additions,

**'''Bold Statements [[Honest Content|are TRUE without question]].'''
**<s>Striked Statements</s> [[List of Chris's lies|are FALSE without question]].
**Statements that are Neither '''Bold''' or <s>Striked</s> will be personally explained in ''(Parenthesis with Italtics)'', or otherwise are personal commentary in few other portions.
**Portions of the Titles of the segments will be <s>striked</s> appropriately for content and exaggerations.
**And all curse and dirty words [[CWC-isms|will be appropriately censored]].
**'''[[April 16 Fetish Vids|Reader Supervision]]/[[For Julie's Eyes Only|Discretion is Advised.]]'''

**Also, I purposely have not, and will not, include all images and their comments in this page for content purposes of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|portryals of nudity]], wrongful-types of [[parody]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|retardness]] and stupidity, and such.

**Should any new text come up on that ED page that are not in this page after full completion appear, or if you have any questions about it, please send those notes and questions to the [[Mailbag]], and I will address them appropriately then.

**So, without further ado, here is Encyclopedia Dramatica's "Chris_chan" page, Personally Edited.
--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 23:44, 17 December 2009 (CET)

==Behold, <s>the Mistake of God:</s> Christian Weston Chandler. ''(The Only Mistake of God were THE PEOPLE who contributed to the Original E.D. Page)''==

'''Born February 24, [[1982]], Christian is''' a <s>[[naive]], [[Chris and sex|perverse]],</s> [[Obesity|overweight]] ''(I am working on losing the belly)'' <s>[[Niggos|racist]], [[Pedofork|pedophilic]],</s> '''[[Homos#Fear_of_being_a_homo|homophobic]]''' <s>un</s>'''patriotic'''<s>communist b******, self-proclaimed</s> '''high-functioning autistic virgin [[Chris's room|man'''<s>-child</s>''']], and creator of his own skillfully-drawn series of [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] starring [[Sonichu]] - his supremely insightful crossover of [[Pokemon|Pikachu]] and [[Sonic]]. As well as "suffering" from [[Chris and English|atuisim]]''' ''([[Autism#Autism_cured.3F|which I still am for real]])'', <s>Chris also suffers from a sever case of [[Chris and his Ego|unwarranted self-importance]], the only cure for which would be to remove his head from his consequently gaping a**. At the time of this writing, Chris has found neither the time nor the conviction to do so.</s> ''(What the Hell is WRONG with these people?)''

'''Other names for Chris-Chan include: CWC ''(Christian Weston Chandler)'', クリスちゃん, [[Ricardo Weston Chandler]]''', <s>[[Ian Brandon Anderson]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Ian Brandon Something]], The Impostor, [[Sammy]], Antonio, [[Metal Gear Solid|Solid Chris]] or any other lulzy names trolls can make up for him, which will make him throw a [[Chris and anger|tantrum]].</s>

But it gets far worse, my friends... ''(For that ED Page, that is, LOL. Although, F.Y.I., '''"LULZ" is short for "[[Laughs Under Lucricities]]"''')''

==Chris in Person ''(From THEIR Point of View)''==

It is of utmost importance that, before one ever enters a fixed one-mile radius around Christian Weston Chandler's [[Ruckersville, VA]] habitat, one is well-acquainted with the facts regarding this man's ''(HERE COMES SOME REAL TORTURED VIEWS OF OPINIONS)'' <s>bleak existence, and the mortal and immediate danger that one's proximity to him represents, bot to one's mental and physical well-being. In order to maintain his jaw-droppingly destrucive lifestyle, as we will explore,</s> Chris has had to sacrifice any of the normal human customs practiced in modern society, and seems to have synthesized an entirely new list of traits which he believes better-equips him to indulge in his trademark fantastical escapism via invented comic book characters, <s>[[Kimmi|blow-up]] [[Sex toys|sex dolls]], and [[Chris and his Ego|egomania]].</s> ''(Such of my personal views do help make life more easier in my point of view, and the few considerably "Sacrificed Normal Human Customs", I.M.H.O, would be constant eye-contact with most people, self-confidence ('''Which is being UPGRADED with "[[IPods Down and Listen Up|Stock Market Rising]]" Vitamins of A and D''') in meeting people unassisted by others and internet, and being stuck on Routines of which new ones can be included with good, constant practice on my part.)'' To wit:

**<s>He rarely shuts up about [[Sonichu]],</s> the self-endorsed, self-authored and mind-nubing allegory of Chris's life, as viewed through his own massive, [[1985]]-throwback rose-tinted glasses. ''(Sonichu's life is [[Sonichu#Sonichu_as_a_Mary_Sue|different from my own]], so I do not consider his life to be equivalent to mine, Also, Sonichu is NOT Autistic. And I DO talk about a lot of OTHER topics that come to mind; I do have a real life and I stay in tune to current topics now and then.)''
**<s>His skin and [[Hair|hair]] is covered in a semi-permeable and self-renewing film of grease; not incomparable to an arctic permafrost of dead skin cells and sweat, proving definitively that he never showers.</s> ''(I Shower Daily and Thoroughly.)''
**He wears recycled shirts from the Salvation Army ''(And Goodwill, but I also wear [[Chris and fashion|clothing]] that were purchased from fine stores such as Sears, JCPenny, American Eagle, Pacific Sunwear, etc)'' <s>and believes it's a cause for gloating.</s> He really believes in [[Semen#Recycling|recycling]]. ''(The ususal Paper, Metal and Plastic products that appropriately go to Recycling Sites in and around Charlottesville, VA)'' <s>That is, he really really really believes in recycling. He recycles everything.</s> ''(Obvious Exaggerations from their P.O.V.)''
**His scent is <s>a combination</s> of [[Axe|AXE]] ''(and good clean practices of [[Chris and health#Hygiene|daily showers with soap, shampoo and water]], and sometimes the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|natural body oders]])'' <s>and A** (oversprayed, of course).
**He leaves the toilet seat up.</s> ''(I put the seat back down for consideration of the women.)''
**'''[[CWC Update 9 April 2009|HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS!]]''' ''(I did say that for [[Ivy]], and I will stand by the quote.)''
**In the event that you are able to speak to Chris, you should be prepared to encouter ''(Pleasant, clean and intelligent conversations with no pressure for anything other than being friendly)'' <s>wave after wafe of weak, juvenile aspersions cast in the hopes of making you forget just how abysmal Chris's life really is, along with creepy, probing questions about your personal life in regards to relationships with women.</s> This is because '''Chris is still''' <s>vainly</s> '''searching for a [[sweetheart|girlfriend]], years after first causing a''' <s>s***storm</s> ''(minor mishap)'' '''by walking into a [[Fashion Square Mall|local mall]] while in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Community College]], and advertising his desire for women via [[Attraction Sign|hand-held signage]].'''

Lastly: ''(Thank God these S.O.B.s are almost finished with this list)''

**<s>Once he starts stalking a woman, he'll tenaciously track her down, even if she's really an IRL troll, a 4chan troll or just doesn't exist.</s>
**'''He''' <s>ALWAYS</s> '''[[honest content|mentions]] he's a [[virgin with rage|virgin]]''' <s>when he meets women. (I'm dead serious.)</s> ''(Nowadays for a LONG TIME, after being advised by [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]] and [[Bob Chandler|dad]], I keep that statement private.)''

==<s>IRL Stalker</s> ''(Or so they Wrongfully Claim)''==

'''''(For the record, I am not, and I never was, a stalker)'''''

'''On [[MySpace]], Chris posted his quest for a "[[boyfriend-free girl]]"''' <s>and his stalking tendencies.</s> '''Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "[[noviophobia]]" - in Chris's <s>b******ized</s> '''hogh school Spanish interpretation, inserts "novio" which essentially means "boyfriend", before latin root, "phobia", <s>committing a facepalm-worty portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of boyfriends.</s> '''Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his father,''' ''(And Santa Clause, [[Chris_and_religion#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|Jesus, God]], the [[Barack Obama|President of the United States]], all the World Leaders, and ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.)'' '''because they "took all the pretty girls leaving him with no one to choose from."''' ''(The fear is Out-Of-Date, because I got over that months ago. I am cool with that theory, and the only [[JERKS|males]] I hate are those that are [[Trolls]] and those who truly hate me back.)''

'''He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places:''' ''(actually Four Places; a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and a [[Target]] in addition to the following two)'' '''[[Charlottesville Fashion Square|the Fashion Square Shopping Center]] and [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. The dean, [[Mary Lee Walsh|mary Lee Walsh]], reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex,''' ''(Of which I was Not Soliciting for anything Other Than Honest Friendship that would become a True Honest [[sweetheart from the ground up|Sweetheart Relationship over reasonable time]])'' '''had the sign destroyed''' ''(She destroyed this one sign Herself)'' '''and banned from the school for a year. Since then, he became obsessed with her''' ''(But I have got over the obsession recently.)'' '''and depicts her within his comic as a''' <s>bald</s> '''witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter''' ''(Which contains her accomplice of evil)'' <s>to contain her evil anti-love powers,</s> ''(The character, [[Slaweel Ryam]], has her powers within her own person)'' '''and occasionally a broomstick.'''

'''Chris has also shown [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|his hatred towards Mary]] on [[Mary Lee Walsh#Coping mechanisms|several other occasions.]]''' ''(I had [[One Blessing, and One Curse|forgiven Miss Mary Lee Walsh]] for her past misdeeds, as y'all will remember, I had drawn the [[:Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|apology drawing]], made the commentary notes on being nice to her here on the Cwcipedia, even the references to her book among other notable achievements. Yet she has not accepted my apology, and even UNOFFICIALLY left an enveloped note in my front door, which was NEVER OPENED or ACCEPTED, of Trespassing on "her property" of Piedmont Virgina Community College. My family and I later learned of the contents of the envelope over phone call conversations. So, as far as it is concerned, [[Chris and the Law|NO Trespassing Notice was EVER accepted]]. '''I mean, that is some "Thank You" for coming over personally to Apologize and Make Peace with my Gesture of Goodwill being the FRAMED Hand-Drawn Apology.''' That woman's Real-Life Mean-Spirited Attitude has made her out to be a Mean B****. *sigh* But I still forgive her for all that anyway.)'' [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|'''He made a hilarious video''' <s>asking for</s> ''(having)'' '''fictional character Harvey''' <s>Dirdban's (not</s> '''Birdman's'''<s>)</s> '''assistance to fight "THAT EVIL''' <s>B****</s> '''MARY LEE WALSH''' <s>FOREVAR!!1</s>]] '''in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him [[Soul Calibur#Watch Chris fight Mary Lee Walsh|fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III]]. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous pron of her.''' ''(Yes, I did, within a set of Five adult-oriented sexual drawing I originally drew AS PROTEST AGAINST THE ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA PAGE. The act would later be portrayed similarly as Rosechu's Protest against "[[4-Cent Garbage]]".)''

'''Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by ''"''[[Jerkop|Security Guards]]''"'' of [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. He was handcuffed and kicked out by ''These'' Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl".'''

'''Christian''' <s>claims to have</s> '''started his''' <s>ill-begotten</s> '''love quest, because he wants a daughter whom he will dubly call [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (apparently after the illustrious metal). he made ''Renditions of'' her in the form of one of his [[My Little Pony]] figures''' <s>(from his own [[Hair|pugic hair]], mind you),</s> ''(I used Thread that one can find in stores everywhere by the fabrics and crafts)'' '''and made a separate file in the game, [[Animal Crossing]], and played as her.'''

'''The person we know the most about is [[Megan Schroeder]]''' <s>(note the Jewish name, a sign that gold is involved),</s> '''who had a''' <s>huge</s> '''influence on the comic and Chris himself.''' <s>She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as a "kind of q****", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.</s>

'''One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where a girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004, which can be viewed [[Thecrazypacer|here]]''' ''([[Anna McLerran]], after the writing of the blog entry, became a [[Gal-Pal|True Friend of mine]], and she cares about my feelings as such. Anna, thank you for continuing to be my friend.)''

<s>Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" over 9,000 times. You could be next. Trolled IRL.</s>

'''Trolling of Chris-Chan has crossed the OnLine border into InRealLife. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho stalker''' <s>he really is</s> or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.'''

**'''[[The Game Place]], a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when [[Daniel Mimms|Anon took several photos of him]]. Nothing notable arose from this, other than mild lulz.'''

**'''An old classmate of Chris, [[Joshua Martinez]], did some epid trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school [[Chris's education|(Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together)]],''' ''(Speech Therapy to be specific)'' '''recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became''' <s>extremely</s> '''jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Noe that Chris''' <s>only</s> '''values Joshua's friendship''' <s>because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him, he might end up laid.</s> '''Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will f*** with him. the chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of [[Vanessa Hudgens]].''' ''(And yes, I still do not care much for Joshua because of his D***, Dirty Lies and Deception. And as I had stated in a past Video on My YouTube, "He is a Dirty Liar; I Do Not Care if the Trolls Troll Him," and I still stand by that statement.)''

**'''A girl IRL,''' ''(That would be [[Hannah]], as portrayed in "Sonichu", No.2 and No.4, Sup-Episode 2, for what happened that one day.)'' <s>possibly</s> '''unrelated to ED or 4chan, tried to troll Chris-Chan for the [[lulz]].'''

**'''Through trolling in this next case started online, it quickly moved into IRL. Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called [[Blanca Weiss]]. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a [[Man in the Pickle Suit |black man in a pickle costume]] and managed to score horrific nudes.''' ''(D*** that Dirty Son of a B****; I hope he lands in the fiery pits of hell after his death for his deception and extortion.)'' '''On October 7, 2008, Blanca managed to get the medallions and destroy them.''' ''([[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|I dumped her sorry ass after that misdeed; I had trusted her]].)''

==Chris Chan: Master of Race Relations ''(Or so the Trolls Claim in the Striked Statements. I am Not a Racist.)''==

<s>As a basement dweller from Bumf***, Virginia, it's a huge surprise that [[Niggos|CWC is VERY racist]].</s> '''On his blog, [[List of Chris's lies|Chris denies his racism]]''' <s>by stating he only dislikes Barack Obama for being an Arab terrorist, and: "It's the WHITE house; we don't endorse people painting it different colors around here."</s> ''(I used to agree with my father on Obama in a negative sense, BUT then I watched BOTH A&E Documentarys on McCain and Obama. I saw a bit of myself in Obama, and my views on him changed completely; he used to be a social outcast for a bit at a couple of times, and having to deal with such trials like I did, I respect Obama. I Voted for Obama on Election Day of 2008. )'' <s>Chris also believes that 99% of the Earth is ruled by dictators.</s> '''In several of his videos, he asked to meet [[Sweetheart|non-boyfriended, non-black girls.]]''' ''(But I am very cool in acquainting and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|befriending women]] and men of all colors and countries; [[Chris and remorse|I did not mean to sound racist from what I was looking for in my Sweetheart.]])''

'''Upon discovering this article around the 10th of November, 2007, Chris suffered a sever case of''' <s>b***</s>'''hurt and decared war on every site mocking''' <s>his f****try. As with everything in his life, Chris failed.</s>

'''At first, Chris tried [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|tampering with this article]] while logged in as Reldnahc, which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn't submitted anywhere else.''' ''(I had thought the Information Overload would somehow Take Down the page; I admit that I was mistaken.)'' '''Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how [[Megan]] "shattered his heart", and printouts of the [[Sonichu News Dash]], a''' <s>s***ty</s> '''newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at [[PVCC]] that landed him in another apparent conflict with [[Mary Lee Walsh]].'''

'''To make matters worse, he also uploaded [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Rule 34 of his own characters]].''' ''(Again, This was the SAME PROTEST that I had stated earlier on this page.)''

'''Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account, Chris-chan,''' ''(versus Chris_chan)'' '''and tried blanking the page several times.

'''CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for [[Megan Schroeder#The End of Megan|breaking up the relationship between him and Megan]] despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend.''' <s>Just another lying attempt to make ED feel guilty about something.</s>

[[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|'''In this video''' <s>BALEETED]]</s>, '''Chris congratulated all his''' <s>non-existent</s> '''Sonichu fans whom he''' <s>mistakenly</s> believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article.'''

'''Chris's plea for his fans to not donate to ED failed because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal August 14, 2008.'''

==Cwcville==

'''[[Cwcville]] (pronounced: quick-ville)''' <s>is Chris Chan's imaginary world. Considering how it's portrayed, it's full name could be the [[Chris and his Ego|Our Glorious Leader's True and Honset Lovers']] City of Cwcville, in a way similar to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.</s>

'''Cwcville is actually two things: a '''[[Chris and Reality|<s>fictional</s>]] '''setting for the Sonichu comic and Chris's long-ongoing pet project - many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harsh reality. [[Autism|The two things overlap very much]]. <s>It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and f*** for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what nbecomes of them, but knowing Chris, it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house.</s>

'''In the Sonichu comic book world, the town is alledgly located in the [[Virginia is for Virgins|state of Virginia]], but being a figment of Chris Chan's [[Chris and copyright|imagination]], it will never be found on an actual map.''' ''(But the city and the [[CWCville Shopping Center|mall]] Can Be Built and Dedicated.)'' <s>Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States.</s> '''In this city, Chris Chan is a''' <s>despotic</s> '''Mayor,''' <s>where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.</s>

'''Inside the comic, Cwcville is at a fierece rivaly with neighboring ''Evil School''''' <s>city</s> '''of "[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]", ''PVCCitizens''. Cwcville is under constant attack from the evil forces of ''[[Slaweel Ryam]]''''' <s>Dean Mary Lee Walsh</s> '''and her army of Jerkops.'''

==Cwcville Elections ''(What a load of bulls***)''==

''(NOBODY ELSE WAS EVER MADE MAYOR OF CWCVILLE, and the ONE time I stated otherwise, [[List of Chris's lies|I was LYING OUT MY A**]] WHEN [[Julie Reveals Herself#1.5 Medallion, Jizz, or Julie?|I WAS BEING BLACKMAILED at the time]].)''

'''Around the same time these lulzy and exploitable events occurred, another unfunny gag started when some bright, intelligent ''(Who Do They think they're Kidding?)'' member of YouTube decided to make a video declaring [[Billy Mays]] the new mayor of Cwcville. The only problem with the joke was that Billy Mays is now about as funny as Chuck Norris or a [[4-cent_garbage.com|Mudkip macro on 4chan]]. Thus, "Billy Mays for Mayor of Cwcville" became a meme with a s***load of videos trailing in its wake. If that weren't enough, the whole mock election expanded to other memes like Gordon the Pringles Giraffe and will soon spread to P***bear for President and Chris Hansen for Vice President.''' <s>(GET IT? [[Random-access humor|IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS CONFLICTING AND THEREFORE HUMOROUS]], SOMEBODY F***ING DO THIS).</s> ''(Like the f*** any of this make any sense at all; I HAVE NO CLUE AND I STILL DO NOT GET IT AT ALL.)'' '''Under the assumption that he'd be getting his PSN back,''' ''(here we go)'' '''Christian stated that Billy Mays was in fact, mayor of Cwcville.''' ''(I WAS LYING OUT MY F***ING A** WHEN I SAID THAT STATEMENT.)'' '''As always, Christian's reaction will only make things even worse, so be prepared for even more Billy Mays posters being plastered onto YouTube accounts.'''

'''June 28, 2009, just days after Michael Jackon died at age 50 of a heart attac, Billy Mays also died at age 50 of a heart attack. Despite being his 80s, [[Jimmy Hill]] is still alive so he has been hailed mayor of Cwcville''' ''(Like the f*** he would EVER)'' '''despite a rumoured attempted military coup by Chris.'''

'''After seeing a hilarious episode of [[Family Guy]],''' <s>where Chris Chan didn't get that he was being parodied for his moralf****try,</s> '''he decided to share his hatred of the g*** with [[Chris and religion|the Holy Bible]]. To do this, he quoted [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|18:22 of the book of Leviticus]],''' <s>which is the biblical equivalent of goatse,</s> '''which reinforces how two men should never engage in b***sex lest they be smited to the pits of hell to be r**ed by the Devil and his minions for eternity''' <s>(and also that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals).</s>

==Chris-Chan the Moralf**==

'''Unbeknownst to Chris, prolific hater of all things not Christian, 89 percent of the users trolling Chris Chan are Muslims. In another blow to Chris's moral credibility, he also decided to pick up a book on how to to talk to women... [[How to Talk to Girls|written by a 9-year-old boy]]. As the kid wrote it on how to talk to girls of his age, [[Pedofork|party vans]] descending on [[Ruckersville]] are imminent.''' ''(Hey, I do not think the lad would take the trolls' commentary on his book lightly, and I don't care for it either. [[Dating education|GENERAL CONVERSATION and Conversation Starters, as he was encouraging in his book]], Are Neutral for People of ALL AGES.)''

==Sex Life==

'''His Sex Life (If you can call it that) includes, among other arousing phenomena, f***ing a [[Kimmi|female anime blow-up doll]] and screaming "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY!" at the top of his lungs.]]''' ''(ONE TIME I screamed that for the ex-gal-pal of mine who I LATER learned was [[BlueSpike|a 13-year-old boy trolling me]]. That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "Starscream" Troll, [[Clyde Cash]].)''

'''Chris wrote to [[Nintendo Power Magazine|Nintendo Power]] in April of [[2005]] to discuss the DS game [[Sprung]]: A''' <s>horrible</s> '''[[Noviophobia|dating simulator]], and was overjoyed to discover that they published his email. According to him, it was ''like'' a "free personal", and he expects that it being published will somehow increase his chance of finding a woman.'''

===Chris Chan on sticking things up b***hole.===

'''In both his videos and comics, he has shown contempt towards gays, constantly rambling on about how homosexuality is bad, and repeatedly stating that He Is Not Gay. ''I AM STRAIGHT.''''' <s>Despite these statements, Chris's sexuality remains questionable, [[Sex toys|as he owns a dildo and anal beads]] and rambles on sticking things in his a** while he masturbates.</s> ''(Those two items were [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|Free Gifts from Adam&Eve.com]] from purchasing woman-on-man videos and [[Officer Nasty|female blow-up dolls]]. I meant for WOMEN to [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|put those things up their Vaginas]]; NEVER for men to put in their a**. UGH!!! I have never ever put anything up my a** [[Mass debating|while I masturbated]].)'' '''In his list of people he would not date, he lists autistics, high-functioning or otherwise.''' <s>Thus, Chris is also a self-loathing flaming f*****, trying desperately to stay in the closet. And we all know homophobes are closeted gays themselves.</s>

'''Chris appears to be''' <s>stuck</s> '''in a''' <s>[[CWC-isms|strange, child-like</s> '''mentality]] where he fills guilty when discussing sex. Because of thies, he is forced to use different words, like ''"[[Duck|duck]]"''''' <s>"[[Pickle|pickle]]"</s> '''for dick, "[[Chris and sex|hankey-panky]]" for sex, "[[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]" for ''women who are'' single, among other things. He started buying [[sex toys]] and porno videos back in 2003, and when discussing sex with other people (specifically [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] and a recent troll), he goes into intimate, almost scientific or educational detail. When Megan claimed to be uncomfortable with Chris discussing sex,''' ''(I stopped talking about it with her)'' <s>Chris goes into full detail on how a handjob works and that he has learned everything he knows from pornography.</s>

'''In recent audio recordings,''' <s>we have discovered a lot about Chris's sexuality.</s> '''Namely, he thinks that''' <s>gender stereotypes,</s> dirty talk, and cheesy lines like, "This might hurt a bit at first" are part of actual sex. One of the [[Chris Sex Logs|audio recordings]] has him describing his ideal "[[Chris_Sex_Logs#My_first_time|first time]]", which in intricate, overly dramatic''' <s>and mildly retarded.</s>

''(To correct most of this, '''A)''' I hate the gays' lifestyle; NOT THE PEOPLE. I am okay with being acquainted or friends with them, but no more than that. '''B)''' Yes, I do not care to date autistic or seriously mentally-challenged women, but because I feel if I went out with such a woman, I may be seeing a mirror reflecting on [[Chris and hypocrisy#Examples|what I may have become if I was Low-Functioning]]. '''C)''' I have learned from MORE than just pornography; I have passed Sexual Education in [[Manchester High School|High School]], I have watched a lot of Romantic movies and shows, my friends have shared with me their input on relationships, I took Relationship Management courses, and currently the listed mentality is not only outdated, but I know those things are Optional. And letting the other know it may hurt ON THE FIRST TIME shows that I, the man, care and respect her, the woman, in a way.

I have learned a LOT more about sex and relationships than ANY God-D***ed Troll will EVER know, because while they ONLY think they know or even understand, they Really Do Not Understand At All; THEY ARE DUMBA**ES!)''

==Other==

'''Chris Chan is also a fan of''' <s>the loli, as evident by his Rule 34 of Dot Warner, Misty from Pokemon and</s> '''[[Family Guy#Chris and Meg|Meg Griffin]].'''

'''''I go for Adult Women; I am not a [[Pedofork|pedofile]].'''''

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 03:18, 18 December 2009 (CET)

{{CWCipedia|chris=Chris chan}}

[[Category:CWCipedia]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Bob Walks In Aftermath

2020-10-04T19:12:27Z

Methalowiec:

'''Bob Walks In Aftermath''' is a conversation that took place on 14 [[February 2009]] between [[Chris]] and [[Julie]], shortly after his [[Bob Walks In|cybersex session]] was cut down by the [[internet lumberjack]]. Julie is inaudible throughout, being only heard in several, nails-on-a-chalkboard squeaks and whistles.

It is notable that Chris ends the call after saying "''Ickvenschwel. Ickvenschwel with my heart.''" before making a series of sounds which vaguely resemble kissing noises. The (fictional) [[Molvanîa]]n word "Ickvenschwel" ("I love you") sounds close to the German phrase "Ich bin schwul", which was famously used by an [[Homos|openly gay]] mayor of Berlin by the name of [[Wikipedia:Klaus_Wowereit|Klaus Wowereit]]. It is also notable that it translates to "I am gay", which just goes to show how [[naive]] Chris is when it comes to other languages.

==Listen==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Bob Walks In Aftermath
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|nLNa5WE3njo}}
| Stardate = 14 [[February 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]
| Saga = {{Julie|text}}
| previous = [[Bob Walks In]]
| next = [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 1]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
Hello, Julie. Now listen, you have to talk to me, I'm calling you from my [[PSP]]. It does not accept typed feedback. [''pause'']

Yeah, sorry about that my dad just--my dad--ah, you're right, I should have answered the phone. My dad got some ca--that--calls from a troll, claiming that I was going to commit suicide on [[YouTube]].

[''brief squeaky pause; sigh''] That bastard. Oh well, at least I--at least I still have my PSP so I can call you on that. My dad shut down the [[computer]] and he doesn't want me back on there.

[''pause''] Yeah, I still got my [[PS3]], and the wi-fi, and my PSP. So, between them I'm--I'm o--between them, I'm okay. But I can, uh, if you want, uh, want us to do, uh, if you want us to do like, our cybersex we're definitely going to have to go audio. Audio only no--I, yeah, so...what's that? [''brief pause and more squeaking''] Yeah that's gonna take awhile. 'Cause, you know, he's not- y-you should see- he's old, and he cannot take things as easily as, uh the younger generation can. Anyway, I also- I also had like a chat window set up in the PS3, uh, just after father interrupted and I sent you a chat invite. But then I remembered- then I remembered just a few--just a few moments ago the PSN on my PSP, so I called you on here.

[''squeaky pause''] Yeah...yeah, he just said, "Just leave me--Just leave me alone." Next to go but...na-''[gasp; brief squeaky pause''] Then I'll wake my mother up, but uh, he woke her up, and then she came upstairs...about just after I had opened the chat window on my PS3...and uh...ah, I basically described to her what I--described to her what I was doing without saying "[[mass debating|masturbation]]" or "cybersex".

[''squeaky pause''] Only my moth--only my mother knows about it. And she had--she has this thing against, uh, she has this thing in her mind against, uh, being able to believe people on--people over the internet and falling in love with them so easily. [''squeak''] Yeah, so I don't say--so that's why I didn't say anything about that to her at this time, even though she would have been--she would have been open-minded about it since I have told her previously about my mass durbation.

[''squeaky pause''] I told my mother about you, yeah. [''more squeaks''] Uh, she says she'll believe it when, uh, if she sees you in person. [''squeaky pause''; ''sigh''] Yeah, and I think she...[''pause''] yeah...yeah [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] or [[Trolls#Bryan_Bash|some other troll]] but more likely Clyde. [''pause''] Uh, I don't know, I do not answer the phone but my mom said that she heard the voice before on the telephone, 'cause she must have picked it up at one time. And she said that she had heard the voice before. But then my father picked it up, then you know what happened. [''rustling; another squeaky pause; sigh''] Yeah he's just real mad. He gets riled up very easily in the nighttime. [''squeaky pause''] What am I gonna do now? Hmmm. Well pretty much now, my erection has, uh, been undone and I'm not feeling in the mood for it right now, but you know hey, on the bright side, we still have our Sunday Valentine's Day Date in LittleBig--in [[LittleBigPlanet]].

[''squeaky pause''] What? [''brief squeaky pause''] Yeah. Maybe we can chat on the PSN or through Skype through my PSP here. [''brief whistly pause''] 'Cause I'm not sure on this, the time anyway. [''brief squeaky pause''] I just mean it causes [[stress]], it is, I mean--you know I was feeling so elated and father came in and made me feel embarrassed and got me all keyed up with stress. [''squeaky pause; midway through this pause, we hear a noise very similar to a notification reminder''] Hmm...I'm not sure how to explain it to him, 'cause I never told him about my masturbation. [''pause''] And he's not very--he's not as open-minded as my mother is about the subject. [''pause''] Mmm.

So, I think, uhh, you know that at this point if you are cybersex through audio only you either through the PSN or Skype right here. [''squeaky pause''] Your brother doesn't like to--your brother doesn't like to hear your erotic moaning? [''brief whistly pause''] H--he told you that? [''squeaky pause''] Oh...ohhhh. Hmm. [''squeaky pause''] Oh. I see. Hmm.

[''brief squeaky pause''] No. I don't know, that--never thought that would've crossed my mind...I mean--I mean, uhh...I-I would say for most men that, uhh...well, still, I mean they'd say to distance myself, but...you know, I'd rather this went on until--on until [[Mumble]] or whatever...fo--for sure. Then, the--then, I don't make an assumption. Yeah, 'cause I just, well, I just don't make an assumption...off the bat about the orientation. [''pause; sigh; Chris then makes some strange noises that almost sound like he's moaning. Another pause''] So...hmm. Uh, y-y-so, y-so [''unintelligible''] so if he ever did talk to you about your erotic moaning, so--y--y--so you didn't really talk to your brother about you doing that with me? And that we were in love. You didn't talk to him? [''long squeaky pause''] Alright. [''attempts to talk, sighs''] Okay. Alright, so- alright, so, uh, let me do that in the what? [''squeaky pause''] Oh, in this house. [''squaky pause''] Hmm.

Well, h--you know what? You know that I have, uh, watched a romantic comedy where the older--where there's, like, an older brother and a younger sister going out with this guy. Something like that, I'm sure that they made a romantic comedy about that...and, uh, like you know, he can watch that and see how it's better for us and an adventure if he, like, accepts it...mmm, I think, uh, I think he's probably--I mean, I'm thinking that he's probably in, uh, deni--in, uh, denial on that road to, like, give you--give you up seriously to me just yet. He still hasn't accepted that thoroughly. That's what I think, anyway. Yeah? [''long pause'']

Hey, I still love you, and you're coming to visit me at least, right? [''brief pause''] Mmmkay. [''squeaky pause''] Help me search for a job. Oh yeah, I'm having, uh, actually I'm searching for volunteer work that pays, and I'm having [[Rocky]] help me with that. I called her the other day and told her that I put more effort into that for me. And, uh, I'm doing my part as well. I'm searching like, local news magazines like, uh, ''[[The Hook Cafe|The Hook]]''. [''brief pause''] It's a...[''squeak'']...''local''...news magazine, newsletter. You know, it's not newspaper, but it's printed on such paper, and it's usually distributed for free? You probably have something, like--you probably have something like that in your state, yeah?

[''brief squeaky pause''] I love you, too. [[Homo|Ickvenschwel]], Julie. [''brief squaky pause''] I will never forget that. Ickvenschwel, Julie. Ickvenschwel. Ickvenschwel with my heart... all right. [''makes several kissing noises until the tape ends'']

==Download==

*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?ft741xt6bn95t98 MP3 audio of the call]</s> Dead link
*<s>[http://db.tt/OlXivh3Y Mirror]</s> Dead link
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-XnC4aQhQornBQjyfTlZUG_a_tsy27t7/view?usp=drivesdk Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Julie Saga]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Kim Wilson

2020-09-01T15:30:29Z

Methalowiec: /* Interactions */ -disamb

: ''"Kim" redirects here. For Chris's blow-up doll, see [[Kimmi]].''
: ''This article is about the troll character Kim Wilson. For the troll sweetheart, played by the same person, see [[Emily]].''

{{protip|Kim Wilson and [[Emily]] were false identities played by the same person.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/newold-content-part-2.23995/page-21#post-1741637</ref> The CWCki treats them as if they ''were'' separate people because they were to Chris. It's also funnier that way. If you needed us to tell you, it might be time to visit an audiologist.}}

[[Kim Wilson]] is a [[gal pal]]/undercover troll of Chris. She was first mentioned in [[Kacey Call 1]], and much of what is known of her comes from references in the [[Kacey calls]]. In [[2009]], Kim was regularly calling Chris at 10 P.M.<ref>[[Kacey Call 8]]</ref>

Under the moniker [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum ScarletSanctum] (her YouTube username<ref name="Kacey 1" />) Kim served as a judge for the [[SingStar Challenge]],<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3#31 July]]</ref> where she voted in favor of [[Solid Chris]].<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eNmvI0DZjI]</ref>

Like [[Anna McLerran|Anna]], Kim is a frequent commentator on Chris's [[Facebook]] page. However, Anna harbors an intense dislike of Kim, and has accused her of being a [[troll]].

In [[June 2020]], after seeing an episode of ''[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]'' featuring [[Gal Pal E-mails 4#Chris fucks himself|an e-mail Kim had leaked on Kiwi Farms in which Chris discussed shoving his dick up his ass]], Chris finally realized Kim was a troll.<ref>[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History#Mentions by Chris]]</ref>

==Introduction to Chris and Kacey==
Prior to the Kacey calls, Kim had been emailing Chris, helping him get into [[Liquid Chris]]'s email account.<ref name="Father">[[Father Call]]</ref> In an attempt to establish that she was not a [[boyfriend-free girl]], she told him she was with a tough dude named Logan, and together they had two German shepherds.<ref name="Kacey 1">[[Kacey Call 1]]</ref> Irrespective of this, Chris typically still thought Kim liked him, and asked Kacey to ask her what she thought of him, despite having stated "I respect her space very much."<ref>[[Kacey Call 3]]</ref> After Chris gave Kim's email address to Kacey, the two became friends.<ref>[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]</ref>

==Interactions==
In [[August 2009]], Kim asked Chris to share his [[PSN]] information with her. He happily surrendered his username and password, resulting in his PSN account getting hacked.<ref>[[Kacey Call 4]]</ref>

By [[September 2009]], Kim was regularly calling Chris. It was Kim's suggestion that Chris get a [[sports bra]] for exercising, prompting Chris to purchase one.<ref name="kaceycall7">[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> That month, Chris also sent her the pictures of him with [[Faeryn]], as well as the infamous picture of him in the sports bra.<ref>[[Kacey Call 9]]</ref><ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref> He also told her (inappropriately) that he had an insecurity over [[Duck|penis]] size.<ref>[[Kacey Call 11]]</ref> While Chris ignored her suggestion to do a [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] [[cosplay]],<ref>[[Kacey Call 22]]</ref> he would in fact later cosplay as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]]. She tried to get Chris to give her his [[PS3]], under the guise that her boyfriend was a professional who could debug it, but failed.<ref>[[Kacey Call 18]]</ref>

It was Kim who told Chris that [[Regina]] could just be "a whole bunch of misunderstandings", instead of a troll.<ref name="Kacy24">[[Kacey Call 24]]</ref>

==Attempts to improve Chris==
Like Kacey, Kim actually tried to get Chris to improve his life. She was asking Chris to eat right and [[exercise]],<ref name="kaceycall7"/> to stop [[sigh]]ing and saying "whatever", take his Lego city apart,<ref name="Kacy24">[[Kacey Call 24]]</ref> learn to play the guitar,<ref>[[Kacey Call 14]]</ref> and gave him a mock job interview, in hopes that he'd find a job.<ref>[[Kacey Call 19]]</ref> Chris obliged none of her requests.

==Real-life encounters==
Kim may have already encountered Chris by the spring of [[2009]]. In a chat with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] from [[April 2009|22 April]] Chris talked about meeting [[Joshua Martinez|Joshua]] at the mall along with a girl named Kim,<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 7]]</ref> although whether it was Kim Wilson is unknown. The only information discernible about the Kim mentioned in said chat is that she was not previously familiar to Chris (he had a slight trouble recalling her name) and that he was somewhat sexually interested in her ("[Kim] was cute and sexy, but I still remain devoted to my Sweetest [[Ivy]]").

At one point, Chris met Kim (Wilson) in person, going to an Applebee's with her and Kacey.<ref name="Father" />

On [[June 2009]] a number of [[Chris's Big Night Out|videos of Chris interacting in public]] were uploaded to the YouTube account [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum ScarletSanctum], which, as Chris has confirmed, belongs to Kim.<ref name="Kacey 1" /> Another series of [[Chris's Big Night Out II|similar videos]] was released by the same account on [[July 2009]]. Part II was shot long before its release in July 2009 - the girl in the video mentions hiding from Chris the fact that she's in a relationship, but Chris was under the impression that Kim had a boyfriend named Logan a month before the video's release - 15 June 2009.<ref name="sorry" />

The boyfriend Logan character was created as a means to prevent Chris from being too creepy to Kim, and as a means to [[manipulation|manipulate]] Chris into doing something by feeding him a sob story about Kim and Logan having relationship problems.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/post-6971688</ref>

In [[2018]], Kim introduced a friend to Chris. She described the meeting in a Kiwi Farms post:<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/post-6971688</ref>

{{quotebox|A friend was coming to visit from out of town and he had been such a huge fan of Sonichu for a long time(kek). I never planned to hang out with Chris ever again but I figured it would be a last good hoorah and as a treat to my friend. So I set up it up and we met at The Tea Bazaar. Another friend came along as well. Chris showed up looking like he got dressed in a Goodwill with his eyes closed with his damn Sonichu medallions and tacky ass arm bands and braclets.

Introductions included introducing us to [[Polyamorous marriage|Magichan and I think Mewtwo who were supposed to be sitting in some empty seating]]. Afterwards, almost fucking immediately he pulled out this fairly large pouch from under his shirt which was around his neck. He dumped the contents out on the table which were [[Magic stones|a bunch of crystals and rocks]]. For the next agonizing half hour+ he picked up every single one to tell us what it was and what "properties" it had. No matter how hard we tried to change the subject he immediately went back to powering through his rock collection. Nothing would deter him. Eventually the rock lecture ended and we were free to steer the conversation elsewhere.

He gifted me a copy of one of his comics and an amethyst stone which I later gave my friend because I didn't need those cursed items in my house. Most of the conversation was him talking about the other dimension and his powers. He bragged about how he was able to produce electricity with his hand, in which he held out his hand in a claw like manor, the concentration on his face akin to that of an infant trying to pass a hard poop. Then he asked if we could see it which we didn't indulge him and told him no. His response was along the lines of "Mmm, okay."

He told me he was able to produced sparks with his [[Amnyfest Ring|magical highschool ring]] when he struck it against some stone on his bracelet. I told him the stone in his ring was chipped from doing that. My friend humored him a little bit asking him questions about toon world. Friend kept using words like Armageddon and the apolocalypse which Chris didn't like. Friend also compared him to Robotnik which he got mad at.

Honestly, I zoned out a lot of the time because really, Chris is fucking boring. He's an entertaining novelty for about 30 minutes. Longer than that, you start to wonder why you put yourself in that situation.}}

==Mentions in videos==
In [[June 2009]], after Chris created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', an upset Kim forced Chris to create the apology video
''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', in which Chris insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Kim claimed to be upset because her boyfriend had a gay brother who lost both his arms in Iraq,<ref name="sorry">[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]</ref> the veracity of which was never confirmed.

Chris mentions Kim in his [[August 2009]] video, [[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]], in which Chris states that Kim brought it to his attention that his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] of [[Liquid Chris]] was too harsh of a punishment.<ref>[[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]</ref>

In [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], made on 14 [[March 2010]], Chris mentions that he shares with [[The Wallflower]] a female friend, whom he nicknames Scarlet. Seeing that Kim's YouTube username is ScarletSanctum, this is likely a reference to her. In the video, Chris says that he forwarded to Scarlet the "admissions" of [[Surfshack Tito]], likely referring to the email Tito sent him on the day the video was made.<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails 3]]: Scroll down the page to see the aforementioned email from Tito.</ref>

In the [[Autism Tutorial]]s Chris made several mentions of a gal-pal of his named "Mic". Considering his [[Naitsirch|fondness]] [[Slaweel|for anagrams]], it is not unlikely to assume that Mic is a code name for Kim. In his first mention of Mic Chris bemoans her unwillingness to move him out of her [[friend zone]].<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 4]]</ref> If she is really Kim this suggest that at some point she broke up with Logan, as Chris would probably not try to take things with her to the next level if she wasn't [[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]].

In his last mention of Mic, Chris says that they do not often hang out with each other due to Mic being busy.<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 6]]</ref>

==Facebook==
After Chris retreated from public view into his private Facebook page in 2012, Kim followed him there and made regular comments on his wall. Her remarks are usually compliments or bits of gently proffered advice attempting to push Chris's socializing in a positive direction (though he does not often follow them) or occasionally some serious criticism (which he never follows).

On 5 September 2012 [[Anna McLerran]] called Kim out as a troll in a comment thread following [[September 2012 Facebook posts#Possible troll|one of Chris's posts]]. Either Chris ignored her accusation or he wasn't convinced, as he continued to recognize Kim as one of his few friends in subsequent updates.

On 12 May 2015, Kim commented on a photo on Chris's Facebook page, revealing that he is now taking female hormones.

Following Chris and [[Jessica Quinn]]'s [[Jessica Quinn#Second breakup|breakup]] on 5 October 2017, Kim attempted to console Chris; however she misinterpreted the cause, to which Chris ranted at her. In his rage, Chris remarked that Kim knows the [[Magical Man]]'s identity:

<center><gallery>

File:Chris_vs_Kim_Wilson_Oct_2017.png

File:IMG 04.jpg

File:IMG_05.jpg

</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

{{Sweethearts}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wilson, Kim}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]

List of Chris's video games

2020-08-25T11:52:07Z

Methalowiec: /* Steam */

{{taxpayermoney}}{{template:DeadLinks}}

[[Image:0828-EP12-5P7-1.jpg|thumb|left|[[CWCki]]'s [[United States of America|American]] readers helped pay for this. Anyone else suddenly feel like cheating on their taxes?]]
[[File:ChrisGameShop.jpg|thumb|One of their most valuable customers.]]

This is a catalog of [[Chris]]'s '''video game collection''', based in large part on a spreadsheet he sent to [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] in order to show how dedicated he is to video games. He surely is. The actual [http://www.mediafire.com/?mdn5wamumtv Excel file] contains more information about each game that Chris listed himself for some reason, like the number of players for each game. Some games are obvious (Every ''[[Sonic]]'' game, and almost every ''[[Pokémon]]'' game), some are surprising (''[[Homos|Barbie Game Girl]]''), some are bizarre (''Powerpuff Girls: Relish Rampage [[Pickle|Pickled]] Edition''), and some are outright embarrassing (''Pooh's Party Game: In Search of the Treasure'', ''Learning with the PooYoos''.).

For whatever reason, Chris's game inventory also includes demo discs, game peripherals (such as his [[PSEye]]), and other things that can't really be considered games (such as [[Wikipedia:Game Boy Advance Video|Game Boy Advance Video]] cartridges, a concept that failed to appeal to a majority of American consumers...except for Chris, apparently, who bought several of them). God only knows why Chris felt it was a brilliant idea to send a [[Nintendo]] executive a list of games he has on competing platforms, or to send a list of imports to a game company that practically invented region lock-out to prevent games from being imported.

The bulk of the list is only accurate to around the time of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], in [[January 2009]]. Luckily, his public [[PSN]] profile and other sources of information have made it possible to get a clearer picture of his ever-expanding game collection since then. [[HEXbox|Xbox]] games and hardware are conspicuously missing from the list, but according to his [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay sales]], he most likely owned one at some point.

Many [[trolls]] conservatively estimate that Chris and his family have spent at least $30,000 on video games in his lifetime (including $1,000 from a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1994 shopping spree]]), roughly 3 times the amount of Chris's annual [[Tugboat|income]] — your tax dollars at work. As of 2010, for downloaded games and other PSN content alone, he has spent nearly $3,500, and the toll continues to rise. A [[January 2015]] leak by a Nintendo employee revealed that he had made 585 purchases on his account, in Nintendo video game products (including hardware, software, DLC, etc.) in a span of 4.5 years. This leak also showed that Chris's addiction to buying video games has worsened '''hard''' over the years.

After [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]], many of these games are presumed to have burned up (or lost), but no final verdict on that matter has been given.

==Chris (barely) lets go==
Chris has '''''very''''' ''occasionally'' sold off some of his games to earn money. This occurred most frequently throughout 2010, but (perhaps unsurprisingly) hasn't happened much ever since.

In early [[August 2010]], according to his [[Jackie E-mails 8|e-mails with Jackie]], Chris sold off "12 NES, 3 SNES, 6 Genesis, 9 Game Boy and 6 PSOne Games" at a local pawn shop, hoping to snag some spending money and get around his father's iron grip on his finances. (He actually attempted to sell 23 PlayStation games total; all but six were refused due to their poor condition.) A couple of weeks later, he went back and sold off more NES and SNES games, as well as his Super Nintendo console and a few accessories for it. Between both trips he pocketed a little over $80, but the extent of what he got rid of is not fully documented.

On 31 August, he made a third trip to the pawn shop, selling off his Nintendo 64 and all his games for the console. Total proceeds: $40. At the same time he tried to sell his 16-bit Sega consoles and games, but failed, since his Genesis was apparently malfunctioning.

Around the same time, Chris also made a couple of trips to his local [[GameStop]] to trade in some of his collection. In early August, he gave up "9 PS3, 2 PS2, 3 PSP, and 4 DS games" for $50 in store credit, which he immediately plowed back into a pre-order for more games. Later, around the end of the month, he traded in several Game Boy Advance, GameCube, and Nintendo DS games for $100 worth of GameStop store credit. In both cases, it's not clear exactly which titles he let go of.

In [[October 2010]], Chris dropped by Plan 9 Music, a music store in [[Charlottesville]], and sold them "7 PS3, 2 PSP, 4 Gamecube and 1 Wii game" along with several movie DVDs, although as usual he did not specify which titles. He thereby earned $48.75, most of which went directly into his stomach and Son-Chu's gas tank.

In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris mentioned the pawn shop trip to his enemies. A few weeks later, [[Clyde Cash]] obtained three of Chris's old games and his Super Game Boy from the pawn shop and uploaded pictures of the loot here on the [[CWCki]]. The pictures show that at one point, Chris labeled his games with his name and birthdate (which now serve as a TRUE and HONEST certificate of authentication), and that his copy of ''Dr. Mario'' was kept in less than satisfactory condition. It's not known if Chris's labeled games are still available at Snooky's, or if anybody else has purchased them.

<center>
<gallery>
File:Groupiz.jpg|Clyde's haul.
File:Dk3v.jpg|Note how the sticker label is peeling on all four corners. This isn't a common occurrence.
File:Fotns.jpg|A [[JERKS|rather surprising]] title that Chris once owned.
File:Nametage.jpg|The Nintendo Seal of Truth and Honesty.
File:Drmariofull.jpg|The dirtiest copy of ''Dr. Mario'' you will ever see.
File:Whytp.jpg|The original label was apparently damaged, so Chris tried replacing it. It shows.
File:Thefuck.jpg|LOOK AT THAT DIRT GODDAMN
</gallery>
</center>

Oddly enough, in August [[2008]], Chris auctioned off a pink [[Wikipedia:LeapFrog Enterprises|LeapFrog]] [[Wikipedia:Leapster|Leapster]] on [[eBay]], and received $29.99 for it. The Leapster is a handheld edutainment video game system marketed to children ages 3-11. It was released in late [[2003]], which means that Chris was at least ''21'' when he bought it. He may have bought it because there was a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|''Sonic X'']] game available for the system. The game, which involves answering [[Chris and mathematics|math problems]] to advance, is appropriate for 4-9 year olds, which is unsurprising considering Chris's [[Chris and psychology|arrested development.]]

Despite these attempts, and owning current generation systems (such as the [[PS4]] and [[Nintendo]] Switch), Chris often returns to his older consoles (such as the Dreamcast or Game Boy). After [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] (presumably) destroyed much of Chris's video game collection, he repurchased many of the games, sans ones he already purchased on the Wii Virtual Console and PlayStation Network.

==Games bought during the Financhu Crisis==
Chris's habit of wasting money on games continued even during the [[Financhu Crisis]], a time of self-inflicted financial hardship for the Chandlers, in which Chris regularly begged for money. These purchases are denoted with *FC* in the notes section of the lists below.

==The List==
===Nintendo===
====Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:1942 (video game)|1942]]''
|Capcom
|
|-
|''3D Excitebike
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''3D Kirby's Adventure
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''3D Kid Icarus
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''3D TwinBee
|Konami
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''3D Urban Champion
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''3D Xevious
|Bandai Namco
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Adventures of Lolo
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Adventure Island II
|Konami
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Balloon Fight
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Baseball (1983 video game)|Baseball]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Bases Loaded
|Hamster
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Batman (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Batman]]''
|Sunsoft
|
|-
|''Blaster Master
|Sunsoft
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Castlequest|Castlequest]]''
|Nexoft
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Castlevania|Castlevania]]''
|Konami
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Castlevania II: Simon's Quest|Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]''
|Konami
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse|Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse]]''
|Konami
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''City Connection
|Hamster
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Clu Clu Land
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Crash'n the Boys Street Challenge
|Arc System Works
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Dance Aerobics|Dance Aerobics]]''
|Bandai
|
|-
|''Dig Dug
|Bandai Namco
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Donkey Kong
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Donkey Kong Jr.
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Donkey Kong 3|Donkey Kong 3]]''
|Nintendo
|Now in the possession of Clyde Cash. Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Donkey Kong Classics''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Double Dragon
|ARC System Works
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Double Dragon II: The Revenge
|ARC System Works
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Déjà Vu''
|Kemco-Seika
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Dr. Mario (video game)|Dr. Mario]]''
|Nintendo
|Now in the possession of Clyde Cash. Rebought twice as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-

|''Galaga
|Bandai Namco
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Gargoyle's Quest II: The Demon's Darkness
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Ghosts'n Goblins
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Gyruss#NES_and_Famicom|Gyruss]]''
|Ultra Games
|
|-
|''Ice Climber
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Kabuki Quantum Fighter|Kabuki Quantum Fighter]]''
|HAL
|
|-
|''Kirby's Adventure''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Kung Fu''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda (video game)|The Legend of Zelda]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Little Nemo: The Dream Master|Little Nemo: The Dream Master]]''
|Capcom
|
|-
|''Life Force
|Konami
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mach Rider
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mario Bros.
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Mcdonalds|M.C. Kids]]''
|[[Virgin with rage|Virgin]] Games
|
|-
|''Mega Man
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mega Man 2
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mega Man 4
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mega Man 5
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mega Man 6
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Mendel Palace|Mendel Palace]]''
|Hudson Soft
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Metroid|Metroid]]''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mighty Bomb Jack
|Tecmo Koei
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Mighty Final Fight
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Milon's Secret Castle''
|Hudson
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii. Rebought for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''NES Remix Open Tournament Golf
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Ninja Gaiden (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Ninja Gaiden]]''
|Tecmo
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Ninja Gaiden II
|Tecmo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom
|Tecmo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Pac-Man''
|Tengen
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Pin*Bot (video game)|Pin-Bot]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Punch-Out!
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:R.C. Pro-Am|R.C. Pro-AM]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Renegade
|ARC System Works
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''River City Ransom
|
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Chris and English|Sesame Street ABC]]''
|Hi-Tech
|
|-
|''Short Order/Eggsplode''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Sky Kid
|Bandai Namco
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Solomon's Key''
|Hudson
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii. Rebought 2 times as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Spelunker
|Tozai Games
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Star Soldier
|Konami
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:StarTropics|StarTropics]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Summer Carnival '92 RECCA
|Kaga Electronics
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Super C
|Konami
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Super Dodge Ball
|ARC System Works
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Super Mario Bros.
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Super Mario Bros. 3
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Super Glove Ball|Super Glove Ball]]''
|Mattel
|Given that this game came with the [[Wikipedia:Power Glove|Power Glove]], it is possible Chris also owns the Glove.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Bros|Super Mario Brothers]]/[[Wikipedia:Duck Hunt|Duck Hunt]]/World Class Track Meet''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Bros. 2|Super Mario Brothers 2]]''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Bros. 3|Super Mario Brothers 3]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tecmo Bowl
|Tecmo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''Wario's Woods
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS. Bought twice.
|-
|''Wreaking Crew
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1989 video game)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]''
|Ultra Games
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_II:_The_Arcade_Game#Ports|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game]]''
|Ultra Games
|
|-
|''Tennis''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tetris''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tetris 2''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Mysterious Murasame Castle
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:The Three Stooges (video game)|The Three Stooges]]''
|Activision
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Wario's Woods|Wario's Woods]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)#NES_version|Wheel of Fortune]]''
|GameTek
|
|-
|''Wrecking Crew''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi (video game)|Yoshi]]''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link|Zelda II: The Adventure of Link]]''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the 3DS.
|}

Half of these NES games are on his 3DS Virtual Console (VC), while the others are physical copies for Chris's NES (that he rarely plays).

====Game Boy====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Alleyway|Alleyway]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Barbie: Game Girl|Barbie]]:[[Tomgirl|Game Girl]]''
|Hi-Tech
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Bases Loaded (video game)|Bases Loaded]]''
|Jaleco
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:The Rescue of Princess Blobette|A Boy and His Blob: The Rescue of Princess Blobette]]''
|Absolute
|
|-
|''Brainbender''
|Electro-Brain
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Castlevania: The Adventure|Castlevania Adventure]]''
|Konami
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Cool Spot|Cool Spot]]''
|[[Virgin with rage|Virgin]] Interactive
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Darkwing Duck (Capcom)|Darkwing]] [[Darkbind Sonichu|Duck]]''
|Sunsoft
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Donkey Kong (Game Boy)|Donkey Kong]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Donkey Kong Land|Donkey Kong Land]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dr. Mario''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Donald Duck|Duck Tales]]''
|Capcom
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:F-1 Race|F-1 Race]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:List of Fist of the North Star video games|Fist of the North Star]]''
|Electro-Brain
|Now in the possession of Clyde Cash.
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Game_and_Watch_Gallery#Game_.26_Watch_Gallery|Game and Watch Gallery]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|[[Wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera (red)]]
|Nintendo
|
|-
|Game Boy Camera (blue)
|Nintendo
|That's right - two cameras. Gotta catch 'em all!
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Golf (video game)|Golf]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Heiankyo Alien|Heiankyo Alien]]''
|Meldac
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Home Alone (video game)|Home Alone]]''
|THQ
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters|Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters]]''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Kirby's Block Ball
|
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Kirby's Dream Land|Kirby's Dream Land]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Kirby's Dream Land 2
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Kirby's Pinball Land
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Kirby's Star Stacker
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Kwirk|Kirk]]''
|Acclaim
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening|The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Marble Madness|Marble Madness]]''
|Mindscape
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge|Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge]]''
|Capcom
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Mega Man II (Game Boy)|Mega Man II]]''
|Capcom
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mega Man III
|Capcom
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mega Man IV
|Capcom
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mega Man V
|Capcom
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Metroid II: Return of Samus|Metroid II: Return of Samus]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers]]''
|Bandai
|
|-
|''Mole Mania
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mystical Ninja starring Goemon
|Konami
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''[[Pokémon]] [[Wikipedia:Pokémon Red and Blue|Blue]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Red''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pinball: Revenge of the Gator
|HAL Laboratory
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Pretty Soldier [[Sailor Moon]]''
|Angel
|A Japanese import
|-
|''Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon R''
|Angel
|A Japanese import
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Qix|Qix]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Quarth|Quarth]]''
|Ultra Games
|
|-
|''Ren & Stimpy: Cadet Adventures''
|THQ
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Revenge of the 'Gator|Revenge of the Gator]]''
|HAL
|
|-
|''Shanghai''
|HAL
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Land|Super Mario Land]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins|Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Scrabble''
|Milton-Bradley
|
|-
|[[Wikipedia:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan|''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan'']]
|Ultra Games
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia: Tennis (video game)|Tennis]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia: Tetris (Game Boy)|Tetris]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tetris 2''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Sword of Hope II
|Kemco
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Tiny Toon Adventures: Babs' Big Break|Tiny Toon Adventures: Babs' Big Break]]''
|Konami
|
|-
|''Tumble Pop
|G-Mode
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Turrican|Turrican]]''
|Accolade
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Wario Blast: Featuring Bomberman!|Wario Blast]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3|Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3]]''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Wave Race|Wave Race]]''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''
|Capcom
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi (video game)|Yoshi]]''
|Nintendo
|
|}

====Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''The Chessmaster''
|Mindscape
|
|-
|''Legend of the Mystical Ninja
|Konami
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Mario Paint''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mega Man X''
|Capcom
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Pilotwings''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Star Fox''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Stunt Race FX''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Game Boy''
|Nintendo
|Now in the possession of Clyde Cash.
|-
|''Super Mario All-Stars''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario Kart''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario World''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Super Metroid''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Super Scope 6-in-1''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time''
|Konami
|
|-
|''Yoshi's Safari''
|Nintendo
|
|}

====Nintendo 64 (N64)====
According to an [[Jackie E-mails 12|e-mail to Jackie]], Chris sold his Nintendo 64 and all of the games listed below (save for the Wii downloads, obviously) in [[August 2010]].
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Banjo-Kazooie
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Cruisn' USA
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Diddy Kong Racing
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Hey You, Pikachu!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Lego]] Racers
|Lego Media
|
|-
|''Mario Kart 64
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''[[Trolls|Mischief Makers]]
||Nintendo
|
|-
|''Paper Mario''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|'''''Pokémon Puzzle League
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Snap
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Snap
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Pokémon Stadium
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pokémon Stadium 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Sin & Punishment|Sin & Punishment]]''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Star Fox 64
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario 64
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Wave Race 64''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Yoshi's Story''
|Nintendo
|
|}

====Game Boy Color (GBC)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Bionic Commando: Elite Forces
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Game & Watch Gallery 2''
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Game & Watch Gallery 3''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Gex: Enter the Gecko''
|Crave
|
|-
|''Harvest Moon GBC
|Natsume
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Harvest Moon 2 GBC
|Natsume
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Harvest Moon 3 GBC
|Natsume
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Legend of the River King
|Natsume
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Legend of the River King 2
|Natsume
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Lufia: The Legend Returns
|Natsume
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mario Tennis
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mega Man Xtreme
|Capcom
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mega Man Xtreme 2
|Capcom
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Crystal
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Gold
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Pinball
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Puzzle Challenge
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Silver
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Trading Card Game
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS.
|-
|'''''Pokémon Yellow
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Rayman
|Ubisoft
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Shantae
|WayForward
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Super Mario Bros. Deluxe
|Nintendo
|Rebought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Toki Tori
|Two Tribes Publishing
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Wario Land II
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wario Land III
|Nintendo
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Xtreme Sports
|WayForward
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|}

====Game Boy Advance (GBA)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Chu Chu Rocket
|Sega
|
|-
|''Classic NES Series: Super Mario Bros.
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''e-Reader
|Nintendo
|Nintendo’s barcode reader peripheral for ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' and other games.
|-
|''Futari Wa Pretty Cure
|Bandai
|A Japanese import
|-
|''Futari Wa Pretty Cure Max Heart
|Bandai
|A Japanese import
|-
|''Game & Watch Gallery 4
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Game Boy Advance Jukebox
|Gamester
|A GBA player for MP3 music files.
|-
|''Gumby Vs. the Astrobots
|Namco
|
|-
|''Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi: Kaznapped
|THQ
|
|-
|''Klonoa 2: Dream Champ Tournament
|Namco
|
|-
|''Mario Kart: Super Circuit
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario vs. Donkey Kong
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Fusion
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''[[My Little Pony]]: The Runaway Rainbow
|THQ
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Emerald
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon FireRed
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon LeafGreen
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Ruby
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Sapphire
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Sega Smash Pack
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Sonic]] Advance
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Advance 2
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Advance 3
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Battle
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Pinball Party
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis
|Sega
|
|-
|''Super Mario Advance
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario World: Super Mario Advance 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tetris Worlds
|THQ
|
|-
|''The Three Stooges
|Cinemaware
|
|-
|''Wario Land 4
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''WarioWare Inc. Mega Microgame$
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''WarioWare Twisted
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Yoshi's Island: Super Mario Advance 3
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Yoshi Topsy-Turvy
|Nintendo
|
|}
====Game Boy Advance Video====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''All Grown Up! Volume 1
|Nickelodeon/Majesco
|
|-
|''Cartoon Network Collection: Limited Edition
|Cartoon Network/Majesco
|
|-
|''Cartoon Network Collection: Platinum Edition
|Cartoon Network/Majesco
|
|-
|''Cartoon Network Collection: Premium Edition
|Cartoon Network/Majesco
|Chris’s 100th acquisition for Nintendo handhelds
|-
|''Cartoon Network Collection: Special Edition
|Cartoon Network/Majesco
|
|-
|''Cartoon Network Collection: Volume 1
|Cartoon Network/Majesco
|
|-
|''The Fairly Oddparents: Volume 1
|Nickelodeon/Majesco
|
|-
|''Nicktoons Collection: Volume 1
| Nickelodeon/Majesco
|
|-
|''Nicktoons Collection: Volume 2
| Nickelodeon/Majesco
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon GBAVideo: Beach Blank-Out Blastoise
|Nintendo/Majesco
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon GBAVideo: For Ho-Oh the Bells Toll!
|Nintendo/Majesco
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon GBAVideo: I Choose You!
|Nintendo/Majesco
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon GBAVideo: Johto Photo Finish
|Nintendo/Majesco
|
|-
|'''''Sonic X Volume 1: A Super Sonic Hero!
|Sega/Majesco
|
|}

====Nintendo GameCube (NGC)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Amazing Island
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Animal Crossing]]
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:BMX XXX|BMX XXX]]
|Acclaim
|
|-
|''Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Donkey Konga
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Donkey Konga 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Donkey Kong Jungle Beat
|Nintendo
|Chris’s 50th acquisition for the Gamecube
|-
|''Evolution Worlds
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''F-Zero GX
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Go! Go! Hypergrind
|Atlus
|
|-
|''Karaoke Revolution Party
|Konami
|
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda Collector's Edition
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time/Master Quest
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Luigi's Mansion
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Kart: Double Dash!! Bonus Disc
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:MC Groovz Dance Craze|MC Groovz Dance Craze]]
|MadCatz
|
|-
|''Mario Party 5
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Party 7
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Prime
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Prime 2: Echoes Bonus Disc
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pac-Man Vs.
|Namco
|
|-
|''Pac-Man World 2
|Namco
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Box: Ruby & Sapphire
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Channel
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Colosseum
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Colosseum Bonus Disc
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Powerpuff Girls: Relish Rampage - [[Pickle]]d Edition
|BAM!
|
|-
|'''''[[Blake|Shadow the Hedgehog]]
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Adventure 2: Battle
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Adventure DX: Director's Cut
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Gems Collection
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Heroes
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Mega Collection
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Riders
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Soul Calibur]] II
|Namco
|
|-
|''Spider-Man
|Activision
|
|-
|''Spyro: A Hero's Tail
|Vivendi Universal
|
|-
|''Star Fox Adventures
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Star Wars Rogue Leader: Rogue Squadron 2
|LucasArts
|
|-
|''Star Wars Rogue Squadron 3: Rebel Strike
|LucasArts
|
|-
|''Super Mario Sunshine
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Smash Bros. Melee
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''WarioWare Inc.: Mega Party Game$!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wave Race: Blue Storm
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Gamecube Preview Disc
|Nintendo/Sega/Others
|
|}

====Nintendo DS and DSi====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''100 Classic Books
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''3D MahJong
|Cosmigo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''[[Animal Crossing]] Wild World
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''A Kappa's Trail
|Nintendo
|Digital Purchase via DsiWare
|-
|''Airport Mania: First Flight
|Lemon Games
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Airport Mania: Non-Stop Flights
|Lemon Games
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Anonymous Notes: Chapter 1- From the Abyss
|Sonic Powered Co. Ltd
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Anonymous Notes: Chapter 2- From the Abyss
|Sonic Powered Co. Ltd
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Anonymous Notes: Chapter 3- From the Abyss
|Sonic Powered Co. Ltd
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Anonymous Notes: Chapter 4- From the Abyss
|Sonic Powered Co. Ltd
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Art Academy
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Big Brain Academy
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Slow in the minds|Brain Age]]
|Nintendo
|Chris’s 150th acquisition for Nintendo handhelds
|-
|''Cooking Mama
|Majesco
|
|-
|''Drill Dozer
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dragon Quest IX:Seninels of the Starry Skies
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dragon Quest VI: Realms of Revelation
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Faceez! Monsters
|Neko Entertainment
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''[[Love quest|Feel the Magic XY/XX]]
|Sega
|
|-
|''Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Flipnote Studio]]
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Fossil Fighters: Champions
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Futari wa Pretty Cure Max Heart Danzen! DS
|Bandai
|A Japanese import
|-
|''Game & Watch Collection
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Golden Sun: Dark Dawn
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''House M.D.- Episode 1: Globetrotting
|Legacy Interactive
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''House M.D.- Episode 2: The Blue Meanie
|Legacy Interactive
|A digital download for the Nintendo Dsi
|-
|''Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi
|THQ
|
|-
|''Jump Superstars
|Nintendo
|A Japanese import
|-
|''Kirby: Canvas Curse
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Kirby Mass Attack
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Magnetica
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Hoops 3-on-3
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Kart DS
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Vs. Donkey Kong 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Vs. Donkey Kong: Mini-Land Mayhem!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Prime: Hunters
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Prime: Hunters First Hunt
|Nintendo
|A demo cartridge
|-
|''Metroid Prime Pinball
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''New Super Mario Bros.
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Nintendogs: Dachshund & Friends
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Picross 3D
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Black and White
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Black and White 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Conquest
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Dash
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Diamond
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Blue Rescue Team
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Pearl
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Ranger
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Ranger: Guardian Signs
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Trozei!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Polarium|Polarium]]
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Professor Layton and the Last Specter
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Retro Atari Classics
|Atari
|
|-
|''The Rub Rabbits
|Sega
|
|-
|''Snood 2: On Vacation
|DSI
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Colors DS
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Rush
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Rush Adventure
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Sprung]]
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Star Fox Command
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Sudoku Gridmaster
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario 64 DS
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Princess Peach
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tetris DS
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''True Swing Golf
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''WarioWare D.I.Y.
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''WarioWare Touched
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] Nightmare Troubadour
|Konami
|
|}

====Wii====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|'''''Animal Crossing City Folk
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''AquaSpace
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Art Style: Rotozoa
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Battalion Wars 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dr. Mario Online RX
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Elebits
|Konami
|
|-
|''Donkey Kong Country Returns
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Family Table Tennis
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Fortune Street
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''FlingSmash
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Fluidity
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Link's Crossbow Training
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Kirby's Dream Collection
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Kirby's Epic Yarn
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Kirby's Return to Dream Land
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Learning with the PooYoos- Episode 1
|Lexis
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Learning with the PooYoos- Episode 2
|Lexis
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Learning with the PooYoos- Episode 3
|Lexis
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|'''''Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games
|Sega
|
|-
|''Mario Kart Wii
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Party 9
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Sports Mix
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Super Sluggers
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid: Other M
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Metroid Prime 3 Corruption
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''My Pokémon Ranch
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Mystery Case Files: The Malgrave Incident
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''[[White knights|NiGHTs]]: Journey of Dreams
|Sega
|
|-
|''Pikmin 2
|Nintendo
|A Wii port with a new control scheme
|-
|'''''Pokémon Battle Revolution
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Poképark Wii: Pikachu's Adventure
|Nintendo
|
|-

|'''''Poképark 2: Wonders Beyond
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pong Toss Pro- Frat Party Games
|JV Games Inc.
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''ThruSpace
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Rhythm Heaven Fever
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Samurai Warriors 3
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Sin & Punishment: Star Successor
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''SNK Arcade Classics Volume 1
|SNK
|
|-
|''Snowpack Park
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|'''''Sonic and the Secret Rings
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Chaos
|Sega
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|'''''Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Soul Calibur]] Legends
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''Space Invaders Get Even
|Square Enix
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Super Mario All-Stars 25th Anniversary Edition
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario Galaxy
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Smash Bros. Brawl
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wario Land: Shake It!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Music
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Party
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Play
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Play: Motion
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Sports
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''World of Goo
|2D Boy
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''Xenoblade Chronicles
|Nintendo
|
|}

====TurboGrafx-16 Entertainment SuperSystem====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Bonk's Adventure''
|Hudson
|A digital download for the Wii
|}
====Nintendo 3DS====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''3D Game Collection
|Joindots
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''3D Solitaire
|Zen Studios
|
|-
|''Air Battle Hockey 3D
|10TACLE
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Animal Crossing: New Leaf
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Art Academy: Lessons for Everyone!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''BearShark
|CollegeHumor
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Brain Age: Concentration Training
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Bravely Default
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Crazy Construction
|G-Style
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Chibi-Robo! Photo Finder
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Crashmo
|Nintendo
| A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Crosswords Plus
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dedede's Drum Dash Deluxe
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Dillon's Rolling Western
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Dillon's Rolling Western: The Last Ranger
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Disney Magical World
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Family Tennis 3D
|ARC System Works
|
|-
|''Fire Emblem: Awakening
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Fluidity: Spin Cycle
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Freakyforms: Your Creations, Alive!
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Freakyforms Deluxe: Your Creations, Alive!
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Frogger 3D
|Konami
|Attempted to sell on [[eBay]]
|-
|''Gardenscapes
|Joindots
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''HarmoKnight
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Kersploosh!
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Ketzal's Corridors
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Kid Icarus: Uprising
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Kirby Fighters Deluxe
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Kirby: Triple Deluxe
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Lego City Undercover: The Chase Begins
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario & Luigi: Dream Team
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Mario and Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games
|SEGA
|
|-
|''Mario and Donkey Kong: Mini's on the Move
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Mario Golf: World Tour
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Kart 7
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Party: Island Tour
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mario Tennis Open
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Mighty Milky Way<ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>
|WayForward
|
|-
|''Naruto Powerful Shippuden
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''New Super Mario Bros. 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Nintendo 3DS Guide: Louvre
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Nintendogs +Cats: French Bulldog & New Friends
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Nintendogs +Cats: Golden Retriever & New Friends
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Nintendogs +Cats: Toy Poodle & New Friends
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Outdoors Unleashed: Africa 3D
|Teyon
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Paper Mario: Sticker Star
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pikmin Short Movies 3D
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pilotwings Resort
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Plain Video Poker
|PouncingKitten
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-

|'''''Pokédex 3D
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokedex 3D Pro
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Art Academy
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Battle Trozei
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Dream Radar
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Omega Ruby
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Alpha Sapphire
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Rumble Blast
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''[[Pokémon]] [[Wikipedia:Pokémon X and Y|X]]''
|Nintendo
|Friend Codes Available via [[Facebook]]
|-
|'''''[[Pokémon]] [[Wikipedia:Pokémon X and Y|Y]]''
|Nintendo
|Friend Codes Available via [[Facebook]]
|-
|''Photo with Mario
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Pushmo
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Rusty's Real Deal Baseball
|Nintendo
|His acquisition of every minigame led to the subject of an [[Pappy Van Poodle Interview|interview over his supposed sighting of an obscure character]].
|-
|''Sakura Samurai: Art of the Sword
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Sonic All-Stars Racing Transformed
|SEGA
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Boom: Shattered Crystal
|SEGA
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Generations
|SEGA
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Lost World
|SEGA
|All DLC in this game purchased
|-
|''Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Sparkle Snapshots 3D
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Spirit Camera: The Cursed Memoir
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Star Fox 64 3D
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Steel Diver
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Steel Diver: Sub Wars
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Style Savvy: Trendsetters
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario 3D Land
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Sweet Memories: Blackjack
|Circle Entertainment Ltd.
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Tekken 3D
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''Tetris: Axis
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Denpa Men: They Came By Wave
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''The Denpa Men 2: Beyond the Waves
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''The Denpa Men 3: The Rise of Digitoll
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Tokyo Crash Mobs
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Tomodachi Life
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Ultimate NES Remix
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Xtreme Sports
|WayForward
|A digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Yoshi's New Island
|Nintendo
|
|}

====Wii U====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|'''''Animal Crossing Plaza'''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Arrow Time U
|XenoHorizon
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Art Academy: Sketchpad
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Bayonetta
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Bayonetta 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Dr. Luigi
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Game & Wario
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Hyrule Warriors
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Lego City Undercover
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Little Inferno
|Tommorrow Corporation
|A digital download for the Wii U.
|-
|''Family Party: 30 Great Games Obstacle Arcade
|D3Publisher
|
|-
|[[Mario Kart 8 Videos|''Mario Kart 8'']]
|Nintendo
|Revealed via Mario Kart 8 TV
|-
|'''''Mario & Sonic at the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games'''
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''NES Remix 1
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''NES Remix 2
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''NES Remix Pack
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''New Super Mario Bros. U
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''New Super Luigi U
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Nintendo Land
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Poker Dice Solitaire Future
|RCMADIAX
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Pikmin 3
|Nintendo
|Bundled with Wii U console
|-
|''Pikmin Short Movies HD
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Rumble U'''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Pushmo World
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Rock Zombie
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U
|-
|''Sing Party
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Skylanders Trap Team
|Activision
|
|-
|'''''Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing Transformed
|SEGA
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric
|SEGA
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Lost World
|SEGA
|
|-
|''Splatoon
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario 3D World
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Mario Maker
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Super Smash Bros. for Wii U
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''The Letter
|TreeFall Studios
|A digital download for the Wii U. Also infamous for being absolute shit.
|-
|''The Wonderful 101
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Fit U
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii Party U
|Nintendo
|
|-
|''Wii U Panorama View
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Wii U.
|-
|''ZombiU
|Ubisoft
|
|}

====Nintendo Switch====

{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|'''''8-Bit Adventure Steins;Gate'''<ref name=Switchfriend>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/post-4428480</ref>
|Spike Chunsoft
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu/Eevee!'''
|The Pokémon Company and Nintendo
|Chris clearly has at least one of the Pokémon Let's Go games, because he bought six [[Pokeball Plus]] peripherals for it.
|-
|'''''Pokémon Quest'''<ref name=Switchfriend2>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/post-4482126</ref>
|The Pokémon Company and Nintendo
|I mean its Pokemon and its free :/
|-
|'''''Sonic Forces'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Sega
|Chris also bought this for PS4 and X-box.
|-
|'''''Starlink: Battle for Atlas'''
|Ubisoft
|Chris owns two copies. Seen in [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]]
|-
|'''''Super Smash Bros. Ultimate'''
|Nintendo
|Also seen in [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]]
|-
|'''''Tetris 99'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Nintendo
|Played for 350 hours as of August 2020.
|-
|'''''Sonic Mania'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Team Sonic Racing'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Super Mario Odyssey'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Animal Crossing New Horizons'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Nintendo
|
|-
|'''''Mega Man 11'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|Capcom
|
|-
|'''''Pokémon Sword & Pokémon Shield'''<ref name=Switchfriend></ref>
|The Pokémon Company and Nintendo
|Chris bought Pokémon Sword and obtained Pokémon Shield as a present from a Ween, he begged for it on his 38th birthday.
|}

===Sega===
====Sega Master System====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Wonder Boy''
|Sega
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii. The only SMS game he has.
|}

====Sega Genesis (Mega Drive)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Alien Soldier''
|Nintendo
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind|Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind]]
|Accolade
|
|-
|''Desert Strike
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Fantasia (video game)|Fantasia]]
|Sega
|
|-
|''Genesis 6-Pak
|Sega
|
|-
|''Kid Chameleon
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Klax (video game)|Klax]]
|Tengen
|
|-
|''Monopoly
|Parker Brothers
|
|-
|''[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Ms. Pac Man]]
|Tengen
|
|-
|''Rocket Knight Adventures
|Konami
|
|-
|'''''Sonic & [[Punchy Sonichu|Knuckles]]
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic 3-D Blast
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Sonichu|Sonic the Hedgehog]]
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog
|Sega
|A digital download for the Nintendo Wii
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog 2
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog 3
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Spinball
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Star Trek: The Next Generation
|Spectrum HoloByte
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Toy Story (video game)|Toy Story]]
|Disney Interactive
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:X-Men(1993 video game)|X-Men]]
|Sega
|
|}

On 6 July 2018, Chris bought a Sega Genesis console off of eBay, apparently as a replacement<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-666#post-3536962</ref>.

====Sega Game Gear====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''The Chessmaster
|Sega
|
|-
|''Columns
|Sega
|Rebought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Crystal Warriors
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Defenders of Oasis
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Desert Speedtrap Starring Road Runner & Wile E. Coyote
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Dragon Crystal
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''G-LOC Air Battle
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Krusty’s Fun House
|Flying Edge
|
|-
|''Quest for the Shaven Yak Starring Ren & Stimpy
|Sega
|
|-
|''Shining Force: Sword of Hajya
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Shinobi
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Sonic Drift 2
|Sega
|Rebought as a digital download for the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog GG
|Sega
|Rebought as a digital download for the 3DS
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog 2 GG
|Sega
|Rebought as a digital download for the 3DS
|-
|'''''Sonic Blast
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog Chaos
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic the Hedgehog Triple Trouble
|Sega
|Rebought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Sonic Labyrinth
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Super Columns
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Tails' Adventure
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|-
|''Vampire Master of Darkness
|Sega
|Bought as a digital download on the Nintendo 3DS
|}

====Sega CD====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Batman Returns
|Sega
|
|-
|''Double Switch
|Digital Pictures
|
|-
|''Ecco: The Tides of Time
|Sega
|
|-
|''Flashback: [[Liquid Chris|The Quest for Identity]]
|U.S. Gold
|
|-
|''Jaguar XJ220
|JVC
|
|-
|''Jurassic Park
|Sega
|
|-
|''Mad Dog McCree
|American Laser Games
|
|-
|''[[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]]
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[Rape|Night Trap]]
|Digital Pictures
|
|-
|''Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sega Classics Arcade Collection
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Sewer Shark|Sewer Shark]]
|Sony Imagesoft
|
|-
|''Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Detective
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic CD
|Sega
|
|-
|''Star Wars: Rebel Assault
|LucasArts
|
|-
|''Time Gal
|Renovation
|
|-
|''Tomcat Alley
|Sega
|
|-
|''Wirehead
|Sega
|
|}

====Sega 32X====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''B.C. Racers
|Front Street Publishing
|
|-
|''Cosmic Carnage
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Knuckles Chaotix
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[I AM STRONG|Toughman Contest]]
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Virtua Fighter
|Sega
|
|-
|''Virtua Racing Deluxe
|Sega
|
|}
====Sega Saturn====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Baku Baku
|Sega
|
|-
|''Battle Arena Toshinden URA
|Sega
|
|-
|''Fighters Megamix
|Sega
|
|-
|''NiGHTs into Dreams
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic 3-D Blast
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic R
|Sega
|
|-
|''Virtua Fighter Remix
|Sega
|
|}
====Sega Dreamcast====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Bleem! *Gran Turismo 2*
|Bleem
|An emulation disc for the PlayStation ''GT2''
|-
|''Seaman
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[Son-Chu|Chu Chu]] Rocket
|Sega
|
|-
|''Crazy Taxi
|Sega
|
|-
|''Evolution
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Evolution 2
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Jet Grind Radio
|Sega
|
|-
|''Marvel Vs. Capcom
|Capcom
|
|-
|''The Next Tetris
|Crave
|
|-
|''Q*Bert
|Hasbro Interactive
|
|-
|''[[List_of_cards_from_The_Wall_of_Originals#Espanolic|Samba de Amigo]]
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sega Dreamcast Generator D.1
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sega Smash Pack V.1
|Sega
|
|-
|''Skies of Arcadia
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Adventure
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Adventure 2
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Shuffle
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[South Park]]: [[CADD Chef|Chef's]] [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Luv Shack]]
|Acclaim
|
|-
|''Space Channel 5
|Sega
|
|-
|''Super Magnetic Neo
|Crave
|
|-
|''Suzuki Alstare Extreme Racing
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Time Stalkers
|Sega
|
|-
|''Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation
|Eidos Interactive
|
|-
|''Virtual-On Oratorio Tangram
|Activision
|
|-
|''Wetrix +
|XICAT
|
|}

===Sony===
==== PlayStation (PSX, PSone)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''2Xtreme
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Activision Classics
|Activision
|
|-
|''Amazing Virtual Sea-Monkies, The
|[[Greene County Conspiracy|Conspiracy]]
|
|-
|''Arcade's Greatest Hits - The Midway Collection 2
|Midway
|
|-
|''Atari Anniversary Edition Redux
|Infogrames
|
|-
|''Battle Arena Toshinden
|Takara
|
|-
|'''''Beast Wars [[Transformers]]
|Hasbro Interactive
|
|-
|''Blaster Master: Blasting Again
|Crave
|
|-
|''Bowling
|A1
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''[[Chris and anger|Bloody Roar]]
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Bubsy 3D
|Accolade
|
|-
|''Casper: Friends Around the World
|Sound Source
|
|-
|''Castlevania Chronicles
|Konami
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
|Konami
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Cool Boarders
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Cool Boarders 2
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Cool Boarders 3
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Cool Boarders 4
|Sony
|
|-
|''Crash Bandicoot
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Crash Bandicoot 3 Warped
|Sony
|A physical copy
|-
|''Crash Bandicoot 3 Warped
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Crash Bash
|Sony
|
|-
|''Danger Girl
|THQ
|
|-
|''Dead in the Water
|ASC Games
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Defcon 5
|Data East
|
|-
|''Destruction Derby
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout
|Atari
|
|-
|''[[Dragon Ball Z]]: Ultimate Battle 22
|Infogrames
|
|-
|''Final Fantasy VII
|Square Enix
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Ford Racing
|Empire Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Frogger
|Hasbro Interactive
|
|-
|''Gran Turismo
|Sony
|
|-
|''Gran Turismo 2
|Sony
|
|-
|''Gundam Battle Assault 2
|Bandai
|
|-
|''[[Plush Breasts|Hooters:]] Road Trip
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Hot Shots Golf 2
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Jet Moto
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Jet Moto 2
|989 Studios
|A physical copy
|-
|''Jet Moto 2
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Jet Moto 3
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Jumping Flash!
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''King of Fighters ‘99
|SNK
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Klonoa: Door to Phantomile
|Namco
|
|-
|''Lego Island 2: The Brickster's Revenge
|Lego Software
|
|-
|''Loaded
|Interplay
|
|-
|''Medal of Honor
|Electronic Arts
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Medal of Honor Underground
|Electronic Arts
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Medievil
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Mega Man Legends
|Capcom
|
|-
|'''''[[Metal Gear Solid]]
|Konami
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Miracle Space Race
|Mud Duck
|
|-
|''Mobile Light Force
|XS Games
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Mortal Kombat 4
|Midway
|Chris’s 25th acquisition for the PlayStation
|-
|''MTV Music Generator
|Codemasters
|
|-
|''Need For Speed: High Stakes
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Need For Speed III: Hot Pursuit
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|[[Obesity|Pizza Hut]] Sampler Disc 2
|Sony
|
|-
|''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Pooh's]] Party Game: In Search of the Treasure
|Disney
|
|-
|''PlayStation Underground Jampack 1
|Sony
|
|-
|''PlayStation Underground Jampack Summer 2000
|Sony
|
|-
|''PlayStation Underground Jampack Winter 2000
|Sony
|
|-
|''Porsche Challenge
|Sony
|
|-
|''The Powerpuff Girls: Chemical X-Traction
|BAM!
|
|-
|''Puzzle Star Sweep
|A1 Games
|
|-
|''Rally Cross
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Rayman
|Ubisoft
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Rayman 2: The Great Escape
|Ubisoft
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Resident Evil: Director's Cut
|Capcom
|A physical copy
|-
|''Resident Evil: Director’s Cut
|Capcom
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
|Capcom
|A demo disc
|-
|''R-Types
|Agetec
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''R-Type Delta
|Agetec
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''SimCity 2000
|Maxis
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Small Soldiers
|Electronic Arts
|Chris’s 50th acquisition for the PlayStation
|-
|''SnoCross Championship Racing
|Crave Entertainment
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Space Jam
|Acclaim
|
|-
|''Spec Ops: Airborne Commando
|Take-Two Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Spec Ops: Covert Assault
|Take-Two Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Spec Ops: Ranger Elite
|Take-Two Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Spec Ops: Stealth Patrol
|Take-Two Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Speed Racer
|Jaleco
|
|-
|''[[Homo|Spice World]]
|Psygnosis
|
|-
|''Spyro the Dragon
|Sony
|A physical copy
|-
|''Spyro the Dragon
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Spyro: Year of the Dragon
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Star Wars Episode I: Jedi Power Battles
|LucasArts
|
|-
|''Street Fighter Alpha
|Capcom
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Street Fighter Alpha 2
|Capcom
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Suikoden
|Konami
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Superstar Dance Club: #1 Hits
|XS Games
|
|-
|''Syphon Filter
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Syphon Filter 3
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Ten Pin Alley
|ASC Games
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Tekken 2
|Namco
|A physical copy
|-
|''Tekken 2
|Namco
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six
|Ubisoft
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Tomb Raider
|Eidos Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Tomb Raider II
|Eidos Interactive
|A physical copy
|-
|''Tomb Raider II
|Eidos Interactive
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Toy Story 2
|Activision
|
|-
|''Twisted Metal 2
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Um Jammer Lammy
|Sony
|
|-
|''Vandal Hearts
|Konami
|
|-
|''V.I.P.
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Vigilante 8: 2nd Offense
|Activision
|
|-
|''Warhawk
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Wild Arms
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Wild Arms 2
|Sony
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|-
|''Williams Arcade's Greatest Hits
|Williams
|
|-
|''XS Junior League Soccer
|XS Games
|A digital version for PS3/PSP
|}

====PlayStation 2 (PS2)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 105
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 106
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 107
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 108
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 109
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 110
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 111
|Sony
|
|-
|Official PlayStation Magazine Disc 112
|Sony
|
|-
|''Aeon Flux
|Majesco
|
|-
|''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] - Zombie Ninja Pro-Am
|Midway/[[Adult Swim]] Games
|
|-
|''[[Britney Spears|Britney's]] Dance Beat
|THQ
|
|-
|''Crash Nitro Kart
|Vivendi Universal
|
|-
|''Crash Tag Team Racing
|Vivendi Universal
|
|-
|''Crash [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Twinsanity]]
|Vivendi Universal
|
|-
|''Dance Dance Revolution Extreme
|Konami
|
|-
|''Dark Cloud
|Sony
|
|-
|''EyeToy Play
|Sony
|
|-
|'''''[[Family Guy]] Video Game!
|2K/Fox
|Chris’s 25th acquisition for the PlayStation 2
|-
|''Fatal Frame
|Tecmo
|
|-
|''Grand Theft Auto 3
|Rockstar Games
|Attempted to sell on [[eBay]].
|-
|'''''[[Guitar Hero]]
|Red Octane
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero II
|Red Octane
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero Encore - Rocks The 80s
|Red Octane
|
|-
|''The Guy Game
|Gathering
|
|-
|''InuYasha: The Secret of the Cursed Mask
|Bandai
|
|-
|''Jak X: Combat Racing
|Sony
|
|-
|''Jampack Volume 10
|Sony
|
|-
|''Jampack Volume 11
|Sony
|
|-
|''Jampack Volume 14
|Sony
|
|-
|''Karaoke Revolution Volume 3
|Konami
|
|-
|''Kingdom Hearts
|Square Enix
|
|-
|''Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil
|Namco
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Marc Eckō's Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure|Marc Ecko's Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure]]
|Atari
|
|-
|''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo]]
|Bandai
|
|-
|'''''[[PaRappa the Rapper]] 2
|Sony
|
|-
|PSUnderground Summer Sampler
|Sony
|
|-
|''Sega Superstars
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Mega Collection Plus
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Soul Calibur]] II
|Namco
|
|-
|'''''Soul Calibur III
|Bandai/Namco
|
|-
|''Space Channel 5: Special Edition
|Sega
|
|-
|''Taiko Drum Master
|Namco
|
|-
|''Tekken Tag Tournament
|Namco
|
|-
|'''''[[Transformers]]
|Atari
|
|-
|''Unreal Tournament
|Infogrames
|
|}

====PlayStation 3 (PS3)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''3D Dot Game Heroes
|Atlus
|
|-
|''Age of Booty
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the [[PlayStation Network]]
|-
|''Altered Beast
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Ape Escape (Playstation Move)
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Aquatopia
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Armored Core 4
|Sega
|
|-
|''Astro Tripper
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Back to the Future: The Game
|Telltale
|Both the disc version and the downloadable version
|-
|''Band Hero
|Activision
|
|-
|''Battle Fantasia
|Aksys
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''The Beatles: Rock Band
|MTV Games
|
|-
|''Beat Sketcher <ref>[[:File:BeatSketcher20101012.png]]</ref>
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Bejeweled 3
|Popcap
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Bionic Commando (2009)
|Capcom
|
|-
|''Bionic Commando Rearmed
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Bioshock
|2K Games
|Approximately $10 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Blade Kitten
|Atari
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Blast Factor
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $8 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Blokus
|Gameloft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle
|Relentless Software
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Blur (video game)|Blur (Video game)]]
|Bizzarre Creations
|
|-
|''Bomberman Ultra
|Hudson Soft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Borderlands
|2K Games
|
|-
|''Braid
|Number None
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Brain Challenge
|Gameloft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $3 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''[[Brutal Legend|Brütal Legend]]'''''
|Electronic Arts
|Chris's 50th physical acquisition for the PS3.
|-
|''BurgerTime World Tour
|MonkeyPaw Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Burn Zombie Burn
|Pinnacle
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Burnout Paradise
|Electronic Arts
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $67 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Buzz! Junior: Monster Rally
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Buzz! Junior: Robo Jam
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Buzz!: Quiz TV
|Sony
|Approximately $31 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Buzz!: Quiz World
|Sony
|
|-
|''Calling All Cars
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Catherine
|Atlus
|
|-
|''Championship Sprint
|Midway
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
|Atari
|
|-
|''Comet Crash
|Pelfast
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Comix Zone
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Costume Quest
|THQ
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Crash Commando
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Crescent Pale Mist
|Rockin' Android
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Critter Crunch
|Capybara Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Cuboid
|TikGames, LLC
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Dark Sector
|D3 Publisher
|
|-
|''Dead Space
|Electronic Arts
|Approximately $4 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice
|NIS America
|Approximately $65 spent on DLC.
|-
|''DuckTales: Remastered''
|Capcom
|*FC* - [[May 2017]] - $15.00 - Chris bought this shortly after buying ''The Disney Afternoon Collection'' for the PS4, even though the original version is included in that pack.
|-
|''[[Dragon Ball Z]]: Burst Limit
|Atari
|
|-
|''[[Chandler cats|Droplitz]]
|Atlus
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''echochrome
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
|Bethesda
|"Game of the Year Edition"
|-
|''Elefunk
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Enchanted Arms
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|'''''[[The Eye of Judgement]]
|Sony
|Approximately $20 spent on DLC.
|
|-
|''Fairytale Fights
|Playlogic
|
|-
|''Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse
|Activision/Heavy Iron
|
|-
|''Fallout: New Vegas
|Bethesda
|
|-
|''Far Cry 2
|Ubisoft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''[[Obesity|Fat]] Princess
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''flOw
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $3 spent on DLC.
|-
|''[[Homo|Flower]]
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Folklore
|Sony
|
|-
|''Fret Nice
|Tecmo
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Frogger Returns
|Konami
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Giant Enemy Crab|Genji: Days of the Blade]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Go! Puzzle
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $3 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Go! Sports Ski
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Go! Sports Skydiving
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Go! Sudoku
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $12 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''[[God of War]] III
|Sony
|
|-
|'''''God of War Collection
|Sony
|
|-
|''Grand Theft Auto IV
|Rockstar Games
|
|-
|''Gravity Crash
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Green Day: Rock Band
|Electronic Arts
|Interestingly enough, their frontman is a [[homo]].
|-
|''GripShift v2.0
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Gauntlet II
|Midway
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock
|Red Octane
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero 5
|Activision
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero Aerosmith
|Red Octane
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero Hits
|Activision
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero Metallica
|Activision
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero Van Halen
|Activision
|
|-
|'''''Guitar Hero World Tour
|Red Octane
|
|-
|''Gunstar Heroes
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Hail to the Chimp
|Gamecock
|
|-
|''Hamilton's Great Adventure
|Fatshark
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Heavenly Sword
|Sony
|
|-
|''Heavy Rain
|Sony
|
|-
|''High Stakes: Poker Edition
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''High Velocity Bowling
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $18 spent on DLC.
|-
|''The House of the Dead III
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''inFamous
|Sony
|
|-
|''Invincible Tiger: The Legend of Han Tao
|Bandai Namco
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Jak and Daxter Collection
|Sony
|
|-
|''Jeopardy!
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Joust
|Midway
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Killzone 2
|Sony
|Approximately $6 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Lair
|Sony
|
|-
|''The Last Guy
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $2 spent on DLC.
|-
|''The Lego Movie Videogame
|WB Games
|
|-
|''Lego Rock Band
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga
|LucasArts
|
|-
|''Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust
|Codemasters
|
|-
|''Lemmings
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''LIMBO
|Playdead
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Linger in Shadows
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|'''''[[LittleBigPlanet]]
|Sony
|Approximately $98 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''LittleBigPlanet 2
|Sony
|
|-
|'''''LittleBigPlanet 3
|Sony
|
|-
|''LocoRoco Cocoreccho!
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Mainichi Issho
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Marvel Vs. Capcom 2
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Marvel Ultimate Alliance
|Activision
|
|-
|''Mega [[JERKS|Man]] 9
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Mega Man 10
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Mesmerize
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $4 spent on DLC.
|-
|''[[Sonichu's Edge|Mirror's Edge]]
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Mobile Suit Gundam: Crossfire
|Bandai Namco Games
|
|-
|'''''[[ModNation Racers]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Monster Madness: Grave Danger
|South Peak Interactive
|
|-
|''Mortal Kombat (2009)
|WB Games
|
|-
|''Mortal Kombat II
|Midway
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Motorstorm
|Sony
|Approximately $19 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Motorstorm RC
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Mushroom Wars
|Creat Studios
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Namco Museum Essentials
|Bandai Namco Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Noby Noby Boy
|Bandai Namco Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Novastrike
|Tiki Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Nucleus
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''PAIN
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $41 spent on DLC.
|-
|''PAYDAY: The Heist
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode One
|Hothead Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode Two
|Hothead Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''PixelJunk Eden Encore
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $9 spent on DLC.
|-
|''PixelJunk Monsters Encore
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $9 spent on DLC.
|-
|''PixelJunk Racers
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''PixelJunk Shooter
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Piyotama
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale
|Sony
|
|-
|''Q*Bert v2.0
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Rag Doll Kung Fu: Fists of Plastic
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Rampage
|Midway
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Rampart
|Midway
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Ratchet & Clank Future: [[Fuck Quest|Quest for Booty]]
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Rayman 3 HD
|Ubisoft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Red Faction Guerrilla
|THQ
|
|-
|''Resident Evil 5
|Capcom
|
|-
|''Resistance: Fall of Man
|Sony
|Chris’s 25th acquisition for the PlayStation 3
|-
|''Rock Band
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Rock Band 2
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Rock Revolution
|Konami
|
|-
|''Saints Row 2
|THQ
|
|-
|''Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 1: The Penal Zone
|Telltale Games
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''SAW
|Konami
|
|-
|''Sega Superstars Tennis
|Sega
|
|-
|''The Simpsons Game
|Electronic Arts
|
|-
|''Siren: Blood Curse
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Snakeball
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $2 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Adventure
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $10 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''Sonic CD
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|'''''Sonic Generations
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic The Hedgehog (2006)
|Sega
|Approximately $7.50 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''Sonic The Hedgehog
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|'''''Sonic The Hedgehog 2
|Sega
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|'''''Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 1
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Unleashed
|Sega
|Approximately $18 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection
|Sega
|
|-
|'''''[[Soul Calibur]] IV
|Bandai Namco
|"Premium edition"; approximately $33.50 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''Soul Calibur V
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''Spider-Man 3
|Activision
|"Collector’s edition"
|-
|''Stranglehold
|Midway
|"Collector’s edition"; approximately $15 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Street Fighter IV
|Capcom
|Approximately $20 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Stuntman Ignition
|THQ
|
|-
|''Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD Remix
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Super [[Mass debating|Rub a Dub]]
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Super Stardust HD
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $10 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Super Street Fighter IV
|Capcom
|
|-
|''Supersonic Acrobatic Rocket-Powered Battle-Cars
|Psyonix
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled
|Ubisoft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection
|Namco
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $10 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Tekken Hybrid
|Namco
|
|-
|''Timeshift
|Vivendi Games
|
|-
|''Toy Home
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $7 spent on DLC.
|-
|'''''Transformers - The Game
|Activision
|
|-
|'''''Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
|Activision
|Approximately $10 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Trash Panic
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
|Sony
|
|-
|''Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception
|Sony
|
|-
|''UNO
|Gameloft
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Untold Legends: Dark Kingdom
|Sony
|
|-
|''Virtua Fighter 5
|Sega
|
|-
|''Warhawk
|Sony
|Approximately $19 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Watchmen: The End is Nigh
|Warner Bros.
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Watchmen: The End is Nigh Part 2
|Warner Bros.
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Wheel of Fortune
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''WipEout HD
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3
|Capcom
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Wolfenstein 3D
|Activision
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''X-Blades
|SouthPeak Games
|
|-
|''Zen Pinball
|Zen Studios
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|}

====PlayStation 4 (PS4)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Little Big Planet 3
|Sony
|Chris bought this game before acquiring a PS4.
|-
|''The Playroom
|Sony
|
|-
|''Call Of Duty Black Ops 3
|Activision
|
|-
|''inFAMOUS Second Son
|Sony
|
|-
|''Destiny
|Sony
|
|-
|''Disney Afternoon Collection''
|*FC* $20.00 - [[May 2017]]
|
|-
|''Freedom Planet''
|GalaxyTrail
|*FC* $15.00 - [[May 2017]]
|-
|''Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams - Director's Cut''
|
|*FC* $15.00 - [[May 2017]]
|-
|''Killzone Shadow Fall
|Sony
|
|-
|''Knack
|Sony
|
|-
|''Lego Dimensions
|WB Games
|-
|''Lego Worlds''
|WB Games
|*FC* - [[March 2017]] - Chris used profit from selling his father's stamp collection to buy this on its 7 March release date for $30.
|-
|''PaRappa the Rapper Remastered''
|Sony
|*FC* $15.00 - [[May 2017]]
|-
|''Pure Chess''
|Ripstone
|*FC* $8.00 - [[April 2017]]
|-
|''Sonic Forces
|Sega
|*FC* $39.99 - [[November 2017]]. Chris also bought this for Xbox and Nintendo Switch
|-
|''Skylanders Swap Force
|Activision
|
|-
|''Skylanders Trap Team
|Activision
|
|-
|''TRANSFORMERS: Devastation
|Activision
|
|-
|''Yu-Gi-Oh: Legacy of the Duelist
|Konami
|
|-
|}

====PlayStation Portable (PSP)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Ape Escape Academy
|Sony
|
|-
|''Ape Escape ~ On the Loose
|Sony
|
|-
|''Ape Quest
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Armored Core: Formula Front - Extreme Battle
|Agetec
|
|-
|''ATV Offroad Fury - Blazin' Trails
|Sony
|
|-
|''ATV Offroad Fury Pro
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''Beats
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Brain Challenge
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''[[Fuck quest|Brooktown High]]
|Konami
|
|-
|''Bust-A-Move Deluxe
|Majesco
|
|-
|''BUZZ! Master Quiz
|Sony
|
|-
|''Carol Vorderman's Sudoku
|Secret Stash
|
|-
|''Crash Tag Team Racing
|Vivendi Universal Games
|
|-
|''Darkstalkers Chronicle - The Chaos Tower
|Capcom
|Chris's 50th acquisition for the PSP.
|-
|''Daxter
|Sony
|
|-
|''echochrome
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network; approximately $5 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Every Extend Extra
|Buena Vista Games
|
|-
|''EXIT
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Frogger: [[Slow-in-the-minds|Helmet Chaos]]
|Konami
|
|-
|''Gangs of London
|Sony
|
|-
|''Gangs Of London
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''Go! Sudoku
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|'''''God of War - Chains of Olympus
|Sony
|
|-
|'''''God of War - Chains of Olympus Special Edition: Battle of Attica
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''Gran Turismo
|Sony
|
|-
|''Gripshift
|Red Mile
|
|-
|''Guilty Gear Judgement
|Majesco
|
|-
|''Gunpey
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''Gurumin - A Monstrous Adventure
|Mastiff
|
|-
|''[[Harvey Birdman Commercial|Harvey Birdman]] - Attorney At Law
|Capcom
|
|-
|''Hot Pixel
|Atari
|
|-
|''[[Recycling|Infected]]
|Majesco
|
|-
|''Killzone Liberation
|Sony
|
|-
|''Killzone Liberation
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''[[Cwcville|Kingdom of Paradise]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Lego Stars Wars II: The Original Trilogy
|LucasArts
|
|-
|'''''[[LittleBigPlanet]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Locoroco
|Sony
|
|-
|''Lumines II
|Buena Vista Games
|
|-
|''Mercury Meltdown
|Ignition
|
|-
|''Mind Quiz
| Ubisoft
|
|-
|''MLB 07: The Show
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''Mobile Suit Gundam - Battle Royale
|Bandai Namco Games
|A Japanese import
|-
|'''''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Patapon
|Sony
|
|-
|''Patapon
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''[[Autism|PQ Practical Intelligence Quotient]]
|D3
|
|-
|''Puzzle Challenge Crosswords and More
|Crave
|
|-
|''Ratchet & Clank: [[Duck|Size Matters]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Sampler Disc for PSP Vol.1
|Sony
|
|-
|''Sega Genesis Collection
|Sega
|
|-
|''[[Clover and Snoopy|Snoopy]] Vs. the Red Baron
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''SOCOM U.S. Navy SEALs Fireteam Bravo
|Sony
|
|-
|'''''Sonic Rivals
|Sega
|Chris's 25th acquisition for the PSP.
|-
|'''''Sonic Rivals 2
|Sega
|
|-
|''Space Invaders Extreme
|Taito
|
|-
|''Syphon Filter: Combat Ops
|Sony
|Downloaded via the PlayStation Network
|-
|''Syphon Filter: Logan's Shadow
|Sony
|A demo disc
|-
|''Tekken: Dark Resurrection
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''The Con
|Sony
|
|-
|'''''Transformers - The Game
|Activision
|
|-
|''[[Fridays After Five|Ultimate Block Party]]
|Conspiracy
|
|-
|''WipEout Pure
|Sony
|
|-
|''WTF: Work Time Fun
|D3 Publisher
|
|}

====Universal Media Disc (UMD) Video====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Ah! My Goddess the Movie
|Geneon
|
|-
|''Creature Comforts: The Complete First Season
|Sony
|
|-
|''[[Family Guy]]: Freakin' Sweet Collection
|Fox
|
|-
|''Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
|Sony
|
|-
|''Fun with Dick and Jane
|Sony/Columbia
|
|-
|''Into the Blue
|MGM
|
|-
|''Lords Of Dogtown
|Sony/Columbia/TriStar
|
|-
|''National Lampoon's Animal House
|Universal
|
|-
|''[[Some Favored Comedians|Saturday Night Live]] Collection - The Best of [[Obesity|Chris Farley]]
|Lions Gate
|
|-
|''[[South Park]]: When Technology Attacks!
|Paramount/Comedy Central
|
|-
|''Spider-Man - The New Animated Series: The Mutant Menace
|Sony/Marvel
|
|-
|''Spider-Man
|Sony/Columbia
|
|-
|''Stealth
|Sony/Columbia
|
|-
|''[[Virgin with rage|Superbad]]: Unrated Extended Edition
|Sony/Columbia
|
|-
|''Wedding Crashers: Uncorked Edition
|New Line
|
|-
|''Christmas with the Kranks
|Sony/Columbia
|
|}

====PlayStation Vita (PSV)====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Army Corps of Hell
|Square Enix
|
|-
|''BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Extend
|Arc System Works, Aksys Games
|
|-
|''BreakQuest Extra Evolution
|Beatshapers
|
|-
|''Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
|Spike Chunsoft
|
|-
|''Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair
|Spike Chunsoft
|
|-
|''Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
|Spike Chunsoft
|
|-
|''Dokuro
|Gungho Online Entertainment
|
|-
|''Dungeon Hunter: Alliance
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Escape Plan
|Sony
|
|-
|''Gravity Rush
|Sony
|
|-
|''Hotline Miami
|Devolver Digital
|
|-
|''Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational
|Sony
|
|-
|''Hustle Kings
|Sony
|
|-
|''Lego [[Harry Potter]]: Years 5-7
|Sony
|
|-
|''Little Deviants
|Sony
|
|-
|''Lumines Electronic Symphony
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''[[ModNation Racers]] [[Ohio trip|Roadtrip]]
|Sony
|
|-
|''Mortal Kombat
|Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
|
|-
|''MotorStorm: RC
|Sony
|Approximately $4 spent on DLC.
|-
|''Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus
|Tecmo
|
|-
|''Plants vs. Zombies
|Popcap
|
|-
|''Pinball Arcade
|FarSight Studios
|
|-
|''Pinball Heroes Complete
|Sony
|
|-
|''Pure Chess
|RebelPlay
|
|-
|''PulzAR
|Sony
|
|-
|''Rayman Origins
|Ubisoft
|
|-
|''Reality Fighters
|Sony
|
|-
|''Ridge Racer
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''Resistance: Burning Skies
|Sony
|
|-
|''Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time
|Sony
|
|-
|''Star Wars Pinball
|Zen
|
|-
|''Sumioni: Demon Arts
|AQUIRE
|
|-
|''Super Stardust Delta
|Sony
|
|-
|''Table Top Tanks
|Sony
|
|-
|''Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack
|Drinkbox
|
|-
|''Touch My Katamari
|Bandai Namco
|
|-
|''Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom
|Capcom
|
|-
|''Uncharted: Golden Abyss
|Sony
|
|-
|''Unit 13
|Sony
|
|-
|''Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward
|Chunsoft/Aksys/Rising Star
|
|-
|''Welcome Park
|Sony
|A tutorial game that comes with the Vita
|-
|''WipEout 2048
|Sony
|
|}

===Microsoft===
Despite Chris's avowed hatred of da [[HEXBox]] 360, he tried to sell several games for the original Xbox on [[eBay]].<ref>[[List of Chris's eBay sales]]</ref> In November 2017, he casually mentioned his gamertag<ref>https://www.xboxgamertag.com/search/CWCSonichu1982/</ref> in a Facebook comment.

====Xbox====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|[[Wikipedia:Call of Duty 2: Big Red One|''Call of Duty 2: Big Red One'']]
|Activision
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay|The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay]]''
|Vivendi Universal
|
|-
|[[Wikipedia:Driv3r|''Driv3r'']]
|Atari
|
|-
|''[[Wikipedia:Celebrity Deathmatch (video game)|Celebrity Deathmatch]]''
|Gotham
|
|-
|}

====Xbox One====
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Aftercharge''
| Chainsawesome Games
|
|-
|''Anthem''
| BioWare, Bioware Austin LLC
|
|-
|''Banjo Kazooie: N n B''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|''Banjo-Kazooie''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|''Banjo-Tooie''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|''Dark Souls Remaster''
|From Software, QLOC, Virtuos
|
|-
|''Forza Horizon 4''
|Microsoft
|Drives a custom Sonichu colored Ford Focus
|-
|-
|''Gears of War: Ultimate Edition''
|Microsoft
|
|-
|''Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
''
|Ninja Theory
|-
|-
|''Jetpac Refuelled''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|''Kameo''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|[[Life Is Strange]] Season 2 Episode 1
|Dontnod Entertainment, Deck Nine, Feral Interactive
|
|-
|''Mortal Kombat X''
|NetherRealm Studios
|-
|-
|''Perfect Dark''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|''Perfect Dark Zero''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|-
|''Rare Replay''
|Microsoft
|-
|''Realm Royale''
|Heroic Leap Games
|
|-
|''Shadow of the Tomb Raider''
|Square Enix, Feral Interactive
|
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog 2''
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sonic & Knuckles''
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sonic Generations''
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sonic Forces''
|Sega
|Chris also bought this for the PS4 and Nintendo Switch.
|-
|-
|''Shantae: Half-Genie Hero''
|WayForward Technologies
|
|-
|''Shantae and the Pirate's Curse''
|WayForward Technologies
|
|-
|''Super Lucky's Tale''
|Playful Corp
|
|-
|''Sunset Overdrive''
|Xbox Game Studios
|
|-
|''Thomas Was Alone''
|Mike Bithell
|
|-
|''The Orange Box''
|Valve Corporation, Electronic Arts, EA Bright Light
|
|-
|''Viva Piñata''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|''Viva Piñata: TIP''
|Microsoft
|Through Rare Replay
|-
|''HALO 5 : GUARDIANS''
|Microsoft
|
|}

===Steam===
{{incomplete}}

{|class="wikitable"
|-
!align="left"|Title
!align="left"|Publisher
!align="left"|Notes
|-
|''Five Nights at Freddy's''
|Scott Cawthon Games
|
|-
|''Payday 2''
|Overkill/505
|
|-
|''Portal''
|Valve Corporation
|
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|Sega
|
|-
|''Sonic 3 & Knuckles''
|Sega
|
|}

==See also==
*[[List of Chris's Blu-ray discs]]
*[[Miyamoto Saga]]
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''
*''[[Sonichu Advance]]''
*''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''
*[[Video games]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?mdn5wamumtv The Excel file] DEAD LINK
*[http://outerheaven.pastebin.com/f277fb9e2 Purchases from May 7th onward]

{{Money}}
{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Chris dispels videogame rumors

2020-08-24T15:06:50Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

"'''CWC 09132009'''" is a video, uploaded on 13 [[September 2009]], in which [[Chris]] dispels rumors that the recently announced [[Sonic]] game, codenamed ''Project Needlemouse'', would actually be a [[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu]] game. He comes to this statement based upon information he got from the [[ED]] forums, the discovery of which he seems to consider [[Trolls#Chris the Troll|a massive achievement]].

At the end of the video, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] can be heard off-camera.

(For the record, the game was announced on December 4th to be ''Sonic the Hedgehog 4''.)

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris dispels videogame rumors
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fAEdL-lack4}}
| stardate = 13 [[September 2009]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| shirt = {{RedPokeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[10 September 2009]]
| next = [[Clyde Cash the kid video]]
}}
{{quote|D, Vivian G, D! Just like Sideshow Bob would say to Bart in that one episode that he had on his frontside.}}

=== Transcript ===

Okay, you're rockin' it again, before we begin this installment of the [[Official_Videobooks|Official Videobooks]] series, let's turn to me for a moment, because I have a couple of brief announcements to make, dudes! Like number—like number one, the, uh, the s—stores that—on the Internet that are selling quote/unquote merchandise? IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! IT'S NOT REAL! [''takes off [[glasses]]''] You're being scammed! You might as well throw it in the garbage, burn it, return it! Because if you bought it, you're—not only are you aiding and abetting that criminal, you're being scammed yourself! And also, Project Needlemouse, I have been- I have talked with Sega of America, and they have verified for me that is a full-fledged [[Sonic|SONIC THE HEDGEHOG]] GAME! Not a [[Sonichu]] game. And besides, 2D, I mean [[Sonichu Adventure]], I mean I got so many more story arcs in there than meets the eye, yes—I mean multiple character switches and I have all the story plots, I'm—I have all the story plots in my head, and ON PAPER. On paper. Including like, you know, "Hey, whatever happened to Wild Sonichu's scyther(?) father?" He gets kidnapped a long time ago. You know? He gets kidnapped. And then Sonichu actually—and then Wild Sonichu actually goes and find him. And Bubbles is on her way to an amusement park. W—uh... Angelica goes to defend her church. Punchy is out for a new challenge, and Magi-chan, I'm not sure about him yet. And Sonichu's is out to's-is out for a challenge that he's-he's accepted the challenge from wha-m-from.. Metal Sonichu. As it would appear in the beginning of the books beyond number eleven! Number eleven! The stories would begin beyond—from book number ELEVEN! And nobody has those stories! Only I have those stories, so no video game can ever be created without my own power! My own [[Wikipedia:Swill|swill]], my own super, my own-h-HONEST TO GOODNESS SUPERVISION!

[''Chris turns, the massive physical exertion causing him to pant'']

So take it so take it for real: I AM THE REAL DEAL! I am Christian Weston Chandler. Alias Christopher. And nobody can ever impersonate me for real. Or even my hand-drawing style. And everything that you would get... that they can obviously put—is they could get—is again the only off the internet. It's not a real original hand draw-it's not original hand drawings. I mean, does that look like a printout to you? No! It's a HAND DRAWING! It's the original hand drawing of the back cover I constantly used! Among all the other hand drawings on my SHELF! In my BINDERS! IN THIS ROOM! In this house! So get with the program, people!

[''cut'']

And also, all videos that are currently on YouTube that may say cont—that may say the contrary about the video game rumors, they s—about them being true, but when they-rin-reality FALSE! The damn rumors! I mean I have read on forums.[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|encyclopediadramatica]].com, that's right I KNOW IT! DAMN TROLLS! I'VE READ YOUR LINES! And I know that you're pixellating fake game screenshots and images and videos... You're so busted. YOU'RE so busted. And you are in the wrong and you will be damned to hell! ESPECIALLY YOU [[Vivian G]]! D, Vivian G, D! Just like [[The Simpsons|Sideshow Bob would say to Bart in that one episode]] that he had on his frontside.<ref>In The Simpsons episode "Cape Feare", Sideshow Bob is seen with a tattoo on his chest saying "Die Bart Die." During a parole hearing, Bob explained the tattoo as being German for "The Bart The". Once more, Chris has stolen a joke, misunderstood it completely, butchered it horribly, and taken it so far out of context that it makes no sense to almost everybody.</ref> Anyway, aside from all that, I repeat: DO NOT BUY ANYTHING OFF THE INTER- off the uh websites, you are being scammed! There is no Sonichu video game, yet!

The unu-un [''stutters''] and also, a-any a-all official updates about when the official merchandise will be officially released under my own power and supervision, as well as the video game's creation, will be posted on the offi—on the original official Sonichu site, which is also known as [[CWCipedia]]!

[''Off camera, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] comes in and says "Hey, love! Just checkin' to see if you were home!"'']

We'll be back in a moment.

==Notes==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[10 September 2009]]|nextlink=[[Clyde Cash the kid video]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-13]]

Chris and religion

2020-08-24T15:06:06Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! (Facebook, 2013)}}

{{quote|So, I dare say with all due respect to the Lord: meh|Chris abandons the Christian God for [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] goddesses<ref>[[:File:IdeaGuyCWCreligion6.png]]</ref>}}

[[Image:NeptuniagoodbyeJC.png|thumb|[[China|The real reason Chris abandoned Christianity.]]]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''religious beliefs''' have long been a complicated matter. For most of his life, Chris would declare himself to be Christian, yet his stated religious convictions would often diverge starkly from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil, incorporating a grab bag of other beliefs from unrelated traditions and [[Family Guy|other sources]]. Moreover, Chris has long believed himself to be of unique spiritual importance, believing that he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]] and that he has magical powers. Already in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], his characters would regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions. Since [[2017]], under influence by the [[Idea Guys]] and [[Teen Troon Squad|others]], Chris has come to believe that he is a [[Tomgirl Saga|goddess]], [[CPU Blue Heart]], orchestrating an [[Dimensional Merge|apocalypse]] that will end in a [[Dimensions#1C-211987|heavenly new creation]]. Much of his mythology was [[Things Chris has ripped off|lifted]] from the [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] anime. The result is an unholy amalgam of authentic religious traditions, troll forgeries and narcissism, mixed together with neither forethought nor consistency.

With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants]] to hear. Chris long espoused traditional Christian teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality while ignoring that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]] and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Chris's [[autism|narrow view of the world]] requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] in the comics, and his [[true and loyal fanbase]] in the [[Chris and reality|real world]], share his religious beliefs. He has demanded that watchers worship him, and believes it feasible that he could convince half of the world population to join his personality cult.<ref>For comparison, Christendom, the world's largest religion, [https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/04/05/christians-remain-worlds-largest-religious-group-but-they-are-declining-in-europe/ makes up only 31%] of the world population.</ref>

==Delusions of godhood==
{{see also|Messiah complex}}

{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
[[File:EmperorChris.png|thumb|left|All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-<s>Emperor</s> Mayor of [[CWCville]].]]

Beyond his [[Chris and his Ego|self-infatuation]] visible from any of Chris's creative output, Chris had shown from an early period the nascent belief that he might have been specially chosen. Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate. In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God." More definite signs first emerged in late [[2009]], and have accreted over the decade since into Chris's current apotheosis.

Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_61 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

{{quote|as a Goddess Mysef[sic], I am unable to worship in churches|Chris, June 2019<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Chris says, according to Jesus, dimensional merge will be finished soon]]</ref>}}

It was under the [[Idea Guys]]'s manipulation that Chris's gathering apotheosis came to a head. [[File:Sonichu 16 page-4.JPG|thumb|200px|Chris depicting how he came to share his body with a video game goddess.]]
In November 2017, Chris became obsessed with [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]], a video game/anime series. He declared a belief in body-sharing with a goddess character (who represents the Sega Dreamcast in the series) by consulting with [[Magi-Chan]], then [[Chris and money|leaving his Dreamcast console powered on for 24 hours]] in order to focus his own psychic power onto it and pull the goddess into his body. Since then, Chris has come to believe that he's actually a goddess to the Sonichu universe.

{{clear}}

== Doctrines of CWCianity ==
[[File:BarneySatanism.jpeg|thumb|Chris addresses a theological dispute.]]
Chris's convictions (not [[Chris and the law|that kind]]) are a confused tangle, ever shifting as [[weens]] twist his malleable perception of reality and his mental state continues to deteriorate. The below seeks to describe Chris's contemporary beliefs as accurately as possible, though information is subject to change in light of new revelations at at any time. Chris has hesitated to describe his beliefs as a religion. On 13 [[April 2018]], Chris claimed in a Twitter post that he no longer follows a religion, yet he is neither "atheist" nor "satanist", and over a year later would describe what follows as "a belief and faith system, not a religion".<ref>[[Believe in the OCs and Deities!]]</ref>

Critical to Chris's newfound religion is that he believes that he is sharing his body with a clone of the CPU Goddess Uzume Tennouboshi. Naming the clone that resides within his body as "Orange Spiral Seal", Chris believes that he has "the powers of the four main Goddesses, as well as [his] own powers." In a way, this is a bizarre continuation of his classic [[Love Quest]]. Not only does he believe that he can create a new CPU Goddess From The Ground-Up, but that, with the CPU, he will bring [[Crystal]] into reality and create her as a CPU Goddess, saying that is something that GodJesus would never grant to him. Chris's religion has little in the way of ethics, but he [[August 2019 social media posts#No Pizza Time for Chris|has indicated]] that he believes in the Hindu concept of ''karma'', administered by himself, as an instrument of his vengeance against the [[jerkops]] who tormented him in years past.

=== Pantheon ===
{{main|Hyperdimension Neptunia}}
In [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Goddess Emanuelle|August 2016]], Chris revealed that he thinks of God as a goddess. Chris has long considered [[gal-pal|women]] to be good and [[jerks|men]] to be evil, and since Chris does not want to think of himself or God as evil, he simply swapped the genders in his mind, making [[Tomgirl]] Christine and Goddess Emmanuelle.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Ben_Saint_-_Chatting_with_Chris-Chan</ref> During a conversation with [[Joshua Wise]], Chris revealed that he had forsaken Christianity altogether, believing instead in the CPU Goddesses from the anime ''Hyperdimension Neptunia''.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A#Chris abandons Christianity for Neptunia]]</ref>

Chris's view of God's nature, is [[naïve]] and even childish. He has used the fandom jargon acronym <abbr title="Original character">''OC''</abbr> as a rough [[CWC-ism]] synonym for ''god'', and uses this broad category to include Christ, men respected but not worshipped in their own separate traditions like the Buddha, ancient pagan gods such as Zeus, the ''Neptunia'' CPU goddesses and other anime characters, himself and his viewers and lazy [[My Little Pony|ponysonas]]. He is extremely syncretic, believing all of these, including the latter categories of clearly fictional characters intended and universally understood as such, to be real and divine. Monotheism, the cornerstone of Christendom that cannot be compromised, was apparently never assimilated into Chris's thought processes, allowing him to continue regard Christ as ''a'' god. He claims to converse with, and be friends with, Jesus and ''several other deities''. Nonetheless, Chris does not worship literally everybody: in a 2019 Twitter post, he was alarmed by [[Jacob Sockness]]'s apparent Satanism, saying that "no one should ever worship [[Beel|Satan]]."<ref>[[:File:BarneySatanism.jpeg]]</ref>

=== Worship ===
[[File:14bc June 2019.jpg|thumb|250px|The [[Temple of CWC Sonichu]], the [[Wikipedia:Kaaba|Kaaba]] of CWCianity.]]

As late as [[August 2017]], Chris could be seen in a normal church, albeit irreverently wearing his [[unicorn cosplay]]. However, he has since stopped attending, believing that he is "unable to worship Jesus or any of the other deities" on virtue of being a goddess himself. In [[Believe in the OCs and Deities]], Chris appeals to his viewers to send positive thoughts to fictional characters, as though through telepathy, perhaps indicating that he believes divine power requires worship and oblations. (Implicit in this is Chris's long-standing secular belief that he has hundreds of millions of earnest followers across the globe.)

On 22 December 2018, in a long rant on Twitter about the [[Dimensional Merge Announcements|Merge]] (see the next section), Chris encouraged his audience to pray to him:

{{quote|I encourage Everyone to Keep Faith, and Pray to the CPUs, y’all may pray to me as well.|Chris, blaspheming<ref>[[December 2018 social media posts]]</ref>}}

He has made several such appeals in months since.

=== Afterlife and eschatology ===
Under the [[Idea Guys]]'s lingering influence, Chris believes that departed souls go to [[C-197]], the fictional universe that includes [[CWCville]], other [[Night Star|misbegotten OCs]] and various [[Chris and copyright|media franchises' universes]], which he believes objectively exist. He teaches that, upon death, one may merge with one's [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] counterpart there. Among those who have been depicted in their Sonichu form on the other side include disastrous German chancellor [[Nombie-zazis|Adolf Hitler]], serial killer and rapist [[Ted Bundy]] and Chris's late father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only the truly wicked, such as [[Liquid Chris]], are denied this in the hereafter: Satan instead burns their bodies in 'hell's lava pool', purges them of their memories and sends their oblivious souls to be reincarnated.<ref>[[:File:Ibachandlercroppedsmaller.jpg|Solid Chris exhibits Liquid's fate, 2016]]</ref>

Since the autumn of [[2018]], Chris has taught that we are living in the latter days. From a mixture of off-hand comments by comic artists and several [[weens]] foddering him with misinformation and dumb inside jokes, Chris thinks that beginning in [[November 2018]], the real world (or 'Dimension 1218', as he calls it) is in the process of combining with C-197, in what he calls the [[Dimensional Merge]]. Chris has attributed miscellaneous events past and present, real and fictional, ranging from tragedies like the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Centre's destruction]] to salad recalls,<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/post-5519293 Chris attributes the WTC attacks to the Merge, 28 October 2019]</ref> to the impending Merge. Originally projected to be complete before [[January 2019|New Year's 2019]], Chris maintains still that the Merge is just about the corner. Chris foretells massive destruction heralding the Merge that will result in the deaths of about half the world's population, as well as half of the fictional characters from C-197. [[Chris and his Ego|Naturally]], Chris, being the goddess in charge of managing this brouhaha, will be spared: everyone else must take their chances. Survivors will be able to enjoy the company of their favorite cartoon characters in the flesh, as well as their deceased relatives transformed into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

=== Mysticism and sorcery ===
{{main|Magical thinking}}
As early as [[2003]], Chris has invoked curses against his enemies: most famous is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], borrowed from ''Dragonball Z'', which he had employed against [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. His magical thinking has been directed in various ways, as when he thought he could shift his [[obesity|body fat]] about by watching [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|hypnotic internet videos]]. In recent years, he has embraced several occultic teachings and practises from the [https://encyclopedia2.thefreedictionary.com/New+Age New Age] movement: out-of-body experiences, chakras and special powers associated with crystals, among others.

== Chris and Christianity: Historical beliefs ==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all [[Jacob Sockness|unrighteousness]], [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Program from Chris's baptism.]]

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Church audio#00:18:10 - Seth MacFarlane & The Bible]]; [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> Chris would later on attend [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]. Although Chris traditionally identified himself as Methodist and so did his [[Bob Chandler|father]], his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] identifies herself as a Presbyterian.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of ''him'', so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

===Concept of Emanuelle===
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], a deviation from the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]] that his churches would regard as heretical.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his world-view, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref> His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], then [[PandaHalo]] and finally [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if He exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]], an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

===Afterlife===
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris.<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is a common one, most Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. Defying this, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions. He thinks that he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#1 January 2010|a lot of]] [[28 October 2011|good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to Heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster. In [[Common Questions#09 January 2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], [[Thorg]] questioned Chris for threatening damnation against his Internet adversaries:

{{quotebox|"You often attempt to scare your [[trolls]] by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?"}}

To which Chris responded:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, [[Wikipedia:Limbo|Limbo]] is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. [[Wikipedia:Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide]] and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied. His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Death (South Park)|Death]]", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]."<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

=== Reincarnation ===
[[File:IsThisMyBodyorYoursCard.jpg|thumb|200px|When you're a headmaster, the possibilities are endless]]
Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept,<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor]]</ref> but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from [[anime|somewhere else]].

Chris has suggested that he is himself a reincarnation of various people. In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Chris's [[Comic Chris|fictional counterpart]] is the reincarnation of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], though he does not appear to believe this about himself in real life. However, during the epilogue of [[Sonichu_12#Episode_26:_Prideful|''Sonichu'' Episode 26]], Chris mentions a real-world dream in which he discovered he had been a (true and honest) [[Homos|lesbian]] hippie who attended [[Wikipedia:Woodstock|Woodstock]] in a recent past life. He credits this dream with his realization that he is a "female soul" and decision to identify as a transsexual as opposed to a [[Tomgirl|cross-dresser]], further calling the psychological validity of his gender identity into question. Besides his own reincarnation, Chris's explanation of [[Liquid_Chris#In_the_comic|what happened to Liquid Chris]] in the ''Sonichu'' canon mentions Liquid's soul being cleared of all memory of previous incarnations before being reincarnated, as what Chris considers an ironic punishment for someone who dared impersonate him.

Chris believes that in other [[dimensions]], people have the innate ability to swap bodies with others, even inanimate robots.

=== Sin ===
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}
{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}
{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

[[File:John Asperchu.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Take note, Chris.]]
Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His hatred of the homos had nothing to do with the prohibition of sodomy in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion. Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris believed that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] and genuinely to atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they[sic] have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits [[death threats|wrath]], [[Liquid Chris|envy]], [[obesity|gluttony]], [[monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[virgin with rage|lust]] and [[Chris and his Ego|pride]] constantly.

=== Forgiveness ===
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu brutally injuring and sexually assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in vengeance for [[Pickle|comparatively innocuous actions]].]]

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris's Attitude at the GAMe PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|threatening to set fire to his business]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

However, Chris has on occasion shown some capacity to genuinely forgive and move on, as shown at [[MAGfest]] where he was seen making up with [[Adam Stackhouse]] (albeit after 11 years). Such forgiveness has not been extended to the [[jerkops]], however.

=== Apostasy ===
For years before the [[Idea Guys]] seized the opportunity to infuse patent absurdities into Chris's mind, Chris appeared to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the ''problem of evil'' in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus was backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], God has nevertheless imparted upon him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seemed to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer was apparently like ordering a pizza: as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[Jerkop]]:

{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a [[May 2013]] letter to [[Kim Wilson|Kim]]:

{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)}}

Soon thereafter, inspired by ''[[Wikipedia:Futurama|Futurama]]'', he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

{{quote|The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.|Chris on Facebook, August 2014.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#tl;dr]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] — she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her [[Rosechu (species)|species]]. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns — he refers to Catholic priests as [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu|"pastors"] and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, although he probably has no idea what its relationship to Protestantism is.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, deference to a cleric on ethical matters is far more typical for Catholics than Protestants). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Given that he takes his own religion ''à la carte'', Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and the relationship between Protestantism and other kinds of Christianity. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

===Other religions===
''See also: [[Chris and race#Jews|Chris and race]]''

Most of Chris's opinions towards non-Christian faiths have been culled from ''[[South Park]]'' and other television series. For example, on 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment, Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and [[Sonichu 11]]" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich [sic] Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park'') and states he is "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish; he incidentally subscribes to his father's view that Snyder, [[Megan Schroeder]] and others were secretly directing the [[trolls]] to ruin Chris's life. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much Chris knows about [[:wikipedia:Unitarianism|Unitarianism]] (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; [[Jackie]] identified herself as a Unitarian,<ref>[[Jackie#Profile]]</ref> and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan the Moralf**|article]], he hints at a hatred of Islam. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Koran, and is not known to have ever publicly commented on the religion directly. Besides using the popular Western image of the [[Buddha belly|fat Buddha]] (actually a [[China|Chinese]] monk) and mentioning "Buddha" a few times, Chris has never shown any knowledge of oriental religions, let alone any opinion of them. Indeed, [[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]] seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

===Atheism===
{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}
Chris's opinion of the irreligious is the most vacillating and incoherent, and incidentally one of the best documented. [[Ruckersville, VA|Unsurprisingly]], he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". In his [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gave "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref>, and as the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]]. However, in his later, revised [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some [[Chris and sex|hanky panky]].

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Messiah complex]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Chris and health

2020-08-24T15:04:33Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Protip|The CWCki does its best to examine Chris's health using reliable evidence. However, it is not a substitute for a [[Autism papers|professional diagnosis]], and all diagnoses are either taken directly from outside sources or based on amateur analysis. In any case, the CWCki should not be construed as medical advice.}}

{{quote|Eat less [[/cow/|cow]] meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and [[Fanta|Fruit]] are a must; [[A Hike|Walking]] or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|[[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s [[Chris and hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>[[Mailbag 2#The Guitar Hero workout|Mailbag 2]]</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|A rather optimistic depiction of Chris in later life, illustrated prior to his [[Transgender|Tomgirl makeover]].]]
[[File:Fetusbabe's cwc cosplay.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself after becoming a Tomgirl.]]

Chris, as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], [[Power|lack of exercise]], [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|poor nutrition]], [[ShowerClean|refusal to bathe]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|the grave uncleanliness]] of [[Rental House|his]] [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart failure, [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]], and possibly a premature [[Chris and death|death]].

==Diet and nutrition==
{{main|Obesity|List of restaurants}}

[[File:Sonic rainboom $500 1.png|thumb|left|200px|Chris visited McDonald's 10 times in 13 days. It's not even the only fast-food place on the list.]]
[[File:Hypnosis for fatter ass.png|thumb|200px|Chris wants to use subliminal hypnosis to make his belly slimmer but his ass fatter.]]
[[File:ChrisMadeANaco.jpg|thumb|A soft shell taco topped with tortilla chips. Straight out of Kim Possible.]]

To put it bluntly, Chris is a fatty, yet he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

Chris is a known fast food lover, eating at either [[McDonald's]], [[Burger King]] or some other fast food restaurant at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. The frequency of his fast food trips was confirmed in 2015 when a [[Kiwi Farms]] user sent him $500 to see what he would do with it.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish, mind you), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead mimed the act and microwaved some canned spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwaveable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but when he doesn't do that, he travels to McDonald's or another fast food restaurant with a breakfast menu.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.

[[File:Fat chris.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Chris showing off his gut in [[October 2017]], as an attempt to make [[Jessica Quinn]] regret breaking up with him.]]

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general (as well as his tendency to lie).

During the [[Father Call]], Chris told [[Kacey]]'s father that he was prescribed [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. He claimed he stopped taking the drug in fall 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[List of Chris's lies|lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the call) is uncertain.

In 2016, he began listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] videos under the false believe that they would improve his health. He liked videos such as "Lose Weight Super Fast!", "Eliminate Armpit Odor Permanently Fast!", "Lower Your Blood Pressure Fast! Hypertension Treatment", and "[[Fart Song|Produce Odorless Farts Fast!]]".

In 2017, Chris had a brief online relationship with [[Jessica Quinn]], who has a fat fetish and influenced Chris with it. The Sonichu comic features an obese Rosechu in [[Sonichu 12|issue 12]]. After their breakup, Chris consumed a large bowl of ice cream, then took a side photo of his gut, saying, "THIS!!! Right Here was ALLLLL HERS!!!!!!"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_Facebook_posts#Quinn.27s_missing_out</ref>

In 2019, Chris showed us his idea of a "salad", mostly made with unhealthy ingredients like bacon bits and croutons.<ref>[[August_2019_social_media_posts#Magi-Chan_eats_a_.22salad.22]]</ref>

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]
* [[Burger King]]

{{clear}}

==Hydration and Water Consumption==
{{Incomplete}}

[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily. Occasionally, he mixes them with [[Navy|a special ingredient]].]]
[[File:Water and Dasani.jpeg|150px|thumb|Chris’s water bottle with a Dasani bottle]]

Before 2020, Chris rarely drank water and focused a lot more on [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to [[Chris and anger|increase erratic behavior]]<ref>[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4772143/|Energy Drinks and Youth Self-Reported Hyperactivity/Inattention Symptoms]</ref>).

Now, Chris drinks tons of water from a Glacee water bottle with an [[Magic Stones|amethyst crystal]] on the bottom. He believes that there are many health problems that drinking water in this fashion alone can cure. He believes that doing so cures conditions such as food poisoning.

{{clear}}

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]!]]

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[vidya]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in [[WelcometoBollywood]] he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to flexing and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWC Fighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog 5 miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take 6 breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.

Chris's lack of muscle tone may stem from hypotonia (lack of muscle tone), which can occur in people on the [[autism]] spectrum,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypotonia</ref> although it is clear that his poor lifestyle has only exacerbated this.

{{Wise|he would need to begin exercising regularly in spring [[2018]] for him to be in shape while in [[CWCville]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-bad-beginning.45651/post-3576763</ref>}}

====Anytime Fitness====
[[File:Chris at Anytime Fitness.jpg|thumb|left|200px|A fan spotted him at the gym and snapped his photo.]]

The Idea Guys had Chris go to the Anytime Fitness gym. In April 2018, Chris uploaded [[One-Hundred!]], a video of him working out in his bedroom with actual dumbbells of 20 pounds each. He followed up by taking a selfie at an Anytime gym of him on a treadmill "speed walking 4 mph for two hours".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/April_2018_social_media_posts#Exercising_on_a_treadmill</ref>

A couple of weeks after the treadmill update, Chris was cocky enough about his new lifestyle change to use a put-down of telling other people they could stand to go to the gym to lose weight.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Mad at Facebook friends]]</ref>

{{quotebox|You are now Blocked. Before continuing to insult me whenever possible you should consider Going to the Gym Yourself, as I feel YOU could stand to Lose Some Weight!}}

On 7 May, Chris lamented the fact that [[weens]] had been calling up the gym to harass management about him:

{{quotebox|You Jerks and Trolls ruin EVERYTHING! I CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE GYM WITHOUT YOU HARASSING THE GYM THAT I GO TO!<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/993696407369408513</ref>}}

Later, [[Emily]] shared information that Chris had been banned:

{{quoteboxyellow|Chris was legitimately getting complaints from fellow gym goers regarding being [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|gassy]] and [[Fangs|burping]] a whole lot. So he already had a strike against him for that, then couple that with [[Weens|people]] calling them inevitably got him banned.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/5-7-chris-rejects-group-of-twitter-orbiters.42802/page-5#post-3333710</ref>}}

In the [[Copitz]] interview, Chris claimed that he had only been banned from the [[Ruckersville]] location, and was still regularly going to another undisclosed location in the [[Charlottesville]] area.

===Walking for exercise===
{{quote|Yes, the nature today is beautiful, and it was great temperature for a four-plus mile walk up the Monticello Trail. 😊 ⚡️💙⚡️|Chris<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1052243316274802691</ref>}}
[[File:Dead fitbit.jpeg|thumb|Chris's FitBit]]
The exercise habit from the Idea Guys stuck with Chris temporarily, as he continued to go on walks, as seen in [[Walking to the post office]] and him mentioning that he goes on nature walks with his support group.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1043912418198532096</ref> In December 2018, he purchased a [[treadmill]], and filmed himself using it. For the first time in a long time, it would've seemed that Chris had started to pay at least some attention to one facet of his health. However, only a few months later, it appears that he has left his treadmill to rust.

In 2018, Chris tried to sell a [[Wikipedia:Fitbit|Fitbit]] activity tracker. However, no-one bought it and kept using it.<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts]]</ref> He did 23,000 steps on a [[Walking to the post office|walk to the post office and back]]. In January 2019 he released Fitbit info to the [[Brony Babes]] group. However, Chris gave up on walking, mostly using the Fitbit to [[biological clock|monitor his sleep]].<ref>[[May 2019 social media posts]], [[June 2019 social media posts]]</ref>

===#BronyBabes===
{{main|Brony Babes}}

Chris began [[2019]] by participating in the #BronyBabes challenge on Twitter with the goal of losing weight. He quickly abandoned it, though, after a barrage of blocks from fellow participants and voice actors for [[My Little Pony]].

{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}

[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|"Did you bathe?" "No"]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]]. Note the pale orange-red staining on the [[ShowerClean|improperly cleaned]] tiles, suggesting a case of a ''[[wikipedia:Serratia marcescens|Serratia marcescens]]'' bacterial colony, a type of bacteria capable of causing everything from urinary tract infections to meningitis.]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] that he smells good, and asks him if he bathed, like it's some kind of event. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that using aerosol body spray is an acceptable substitute for a shower or bath.</ref> Rosechu seems to confirm this belief, as upon being told of the Axe usage she makes an awful attempt at suggestive wordplay, suggesting both that using Axe makes Sonichu clean enough for sex and that cheap deodorant has an aphrodisiac effect on Rosechu.

It would appear that Chris compounds this hygiene problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> It may be that Chris just gets into "nice" clothing to make his videos and as such doesn't get them dirty, allowing for him to use the same ones repeatedly, although this hygienic habit would be at odds with everything else he does.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his [[hair]], which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man. And even when washed, it looks exactly as greasy and unkempt as it did before, as seen in the [[HairDifference]] videos. This neglect will only make his hair fall out even faster than it already is.

This lack of cleanliness, combined with the state of his [[Chris's Room|room]] where he spends almost all his time, means that Chris and his surroundings must smell absolutely ''disgusting''. Chris evidently simply tolerates the horrible odors, perhaps not noticing them anymore. It may be that he has an abnormally weak or insensitive sense of smell or has gone nose-blind; few other things would allow for such living conditions.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]] (doubtlessly offending his victorious opponents) and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems would only worsen from that time onward. [[BlueSpike]] also mentions Chris's usage of hand sanitizer throughout [[Julie Reveals Herself]].

A 2020 tweet suggested that Chris wears the [[Sonichu medallion]] in the shower.<ref>[[June_2020_social_media_posts#medallions]]</ref>

{{clear}}

==Living conditions==

''Main article: [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Rental House]]''

[[File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|thumb|Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.]]

Simply put, Chris has spent many years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and untidiness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he has so unwisely shared with the world showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]]. Trolls also managed to [[Rocky Shoemaker call|extract]] from [[Rocky Shoemaker]] that the house was suffering some sort of infestation, which led to [[Bob]] being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the [[Destruction of Chris's House|fire]], it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items [[Barb]] had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after the fire, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits, as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house revealed a steadily growing number of [[Lego]] boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for [[eBay]], he inadvertently photographed rat feces on the carpet as well. When [[Trolls|concerned customers]] pointed this out Chris [[Chris and reality|flatly denied it]], even though [[Honor roll|he had given them photographic proof to the contrary]]. Moreover, after [[Catherine]] visited in [[August 2014]], she recalled seeing junk "piled up to the ceiling" and the dogs not being housebroken and allowed to urinate and defecate in piles of newspaper on the floor. While Chris and Barb returned to the renovated 14 Branchland Court in [[January 2015]], one can only imagine the reaction of the landlord to the state in which they left the house, which, as of [[April 2015]], was still vacant, probably due to the mess they made.

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered high school. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|dirty]], thus simultaneously improving and worsening his sight along different feature dimensions. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Son-Chu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

In his [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE]] video, Chris's left eye is drooping noticeably, which may imply either an early sign of a stroke or substance abuse. Both of these are plausible due to his [[obesity]] and poor nutrition for the former, and his abuse of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|a black-market drug for the latter]].

==Hearing and speech==
''Main article: [[Speech impediment]]''

Little is known about the current state of Chris's hearing, but the [[Autism papers]] said he suffered from high-frequency hearing loss in early childhood. Chris has also exhibited signs of tone-deafness; his [[music]]al performances show little semblance of melody at all.

Chris is known for his [[Speech impediment|unusual way of talking]], which goes beyond just having a Southern accent. He mixes up, clutters, and substitutes sounds regularly. He also often talks quickly and slurs his words, and when he doesn't, his voice takes on a staccato rhythm. His voice itself is a very severe deformity, ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[autism]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone.

In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal and even deeper than later years, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. Chances are likely this has become permanent for Chris, given his decades of isolation.

==Dental health==
{{Main|Fangs}}
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|250px|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Talk about [[honest content]]!]]

Chris's fondness for bearing his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell (partly due to Chris's [[Chris and cinematography|awful camerawork]]), in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[Fanta|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]]. He seems to be unwilling to brush his teeth, or even at least chew some [[Brand loyalty|Orbit gum]].
{{clear}}

==Cardiovascular health==
[[File:Soysauce on fries.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris thinks this will help him grow his [[muscle bra|breasts]]. To be fair, [[obesity|he's not wrong]].]]

It is known that Chris's father Bob Chandler had a long history of heart problems. Knowing this, Chris should have realized he was at a far higher chance of inheriting cardiac disorders and related risk factors. Thanks to his poor decisions regarding his own health, he has made an already bad situation worse.

In August 2013, Chris indicated that the [[Chris and stress|stress]] he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. In 2016, he implied that he has hypertension;<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis#Likes]]</ref> this was later confirmed in August 2017, when he stated that he takes prescription medicine for it.<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#Chris' prescribed medication]]</ref>

In September 2017, Chris discussed his new method for growing larger breasts, which involves flavoring his food with soy sauce. As an example, he posted a picture of [[McDonald's]] fries doused in soy sauce.<ref>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris is fat and stupid]]</ref> It is evident that he has conflated soy-based foods with soy sauce, thinking the latter would be a good way to boost estrogen levels. In reality, the phytoestrogens found in soy products do not bind to the body's estradiol receptors, and thus will have no effect on his manboobs. Conversely, soy sauce is loaded with sodium, and said sodium is actually making him fatter due to weight gain and fluid retention, as well as inflicting further damage to his heart, which is already straining under the effects of hypertension. Although drinking water does help offset the effects of sodium-laden foods, Chris is too busy slurping on Coca-Cola to ever consider adding that to his daily food regime.

In [[January 2019]], Chris uploaded the results of a blood sugar and blood pressure screening. Chris' blood pressure is shown to be 121 over 84, classified as ''pre-high blood pressure''.<ref>http://www.bloodpressureuk.org/BloodPressureandyou/Thebasics/Bloodpressurechart</ref> His blood glucose is 63 mg/dL and his total cholesterol is 140, both of which are surprisingly healthy levels considering his lifestyle.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1084128581360513025</ref>

In [[June 2019]], Chris, via [[MagiChan111448|his sockpuppet account]], claimed to have suffered a heart attack, and that he went to the emergency room.<ref>[[MagiChan111448 tweets#Heart attack]]</ref>. Given how his father had passed away from congestive heart failure, it would be wise for Chris to change his lifestyle lest he suffer the same fate or worse.

==Excretory health==
Chris has had a long history of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]]. One factor likely contributing to this is his diet. His continued [[Julie Reveals Herself|abuse]] of his anus and rectum has not helped.

He also has a history of UTIs (urinary tract infections). Women have a higher risk of UTIs than men, however, Chris's hygiene issues have lead to him getting UTIs. During [[February 2011]], he complained about his UTI:

{{quote|The past few days, I have been enduring the pains of a bladder/urinary infection. I saw my doctor, and he prescribed some antibotics for me. It was Thursday night when it started; I felt burning pains at my pee-hole; I only got about less than four hours of sleep at first. The pains kept me awake. Then I awoke at 3AM, and after one set of short excretions (#1) sitting on the john, I found a bit of blood in the water.}}

...also mentioning that his [[mother]] has experience with UTIs.<ref>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#UTI]]</ref>

Another "spot of UTI" happened in [[February 2016]],<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Life problems]]</ref> and then again in [[December 2019]].<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1203352143270481925</ref>

In July 2017, Chris passed his first [[July 2017 tweets#Kidney_stone|kidney stone]]. Obesity and a high intake of sodium are known risk factors,<ref>https://www.urologyhealth.org/urologic-conditions/kidney-stones/causes</ref> and seeing as how both of these apply to Chris, he can expect to see more [[Wikipedia:Calculus (medicine)|calculi]] in the future unless he changes his ways.

As mentioned in the previous section, Chris has revealed that he is now putting soy sauce on everything that is not sweet. In addition to worsening his renal health, when combined with the laxative effects of his intake of twelve prunes a day (part of the same breast growth formula), this is only likely to result in a higher frequency of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]].

{{clear}}

==Mental health==
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto), to schizophrenia (signs include his disorganized speech and writing, loss of contact with [[Chris and reality|reality]], and paranoid ideas about being the victim of persecution or "conspiracies" – such as his delusional belief that [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Michael Snyder]] were somehow responsible for him getting banned from [[Walmart]]).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch – he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For well over a decade, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart|young white women]] [[Chris and reality|who are interested in a relationship with him]], and yet he continually falls for it. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in [[Naive|ignorance]], isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years – because he remained a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] into his early 30s, and judging by his [[Autism|oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world]] [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|tainted]] [[Video games|by]] [[Chris and reality|fiction]] [[Chris and television|and]] [[Chris and brand loyalty|media messages]], [[women's rights|treatment of women]] and [[Chris and sex|stunted understanding of sexual relationships]], because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris later would [[Mia Hamm|lose his virginity for real]], albeit to a hooker; as of yet, he has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life. In fact, he has been plunging himself and his mother even further into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]] or his [[PSEye|camera]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara Chandler#Pampering of Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[Manchester High School|high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24 ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However...]]

In the July 2012 [[This is how the Trial went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jail time in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "counselor"]]), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to the education system, as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his [[Ego|anger at being forced to obey the law]] on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Chris began listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] videos on YouTube in 2016. On 29 June, he uploaded [[Announcement 06292016|Announcement 06292016-2]], in which he claimed that the music cured his autism:

{{quotebox|Hey [[fans]], I forgot one thing to mention. I have- I've actually been on a- subliminal project, as a lot of you- or some of you- might have been... aware of, through my history or whatever... That I try to keep private amongst my YouTube settings.

But I have been enjoying for the past 3 months the "Get Rid of Autism" subliminal. [[Naive|The one that actually works]] in three months so less than [''stutters''] three times per day. 36 times.

I have been doin' that I've actually found myself more mentally capable. I don't- I do not blank out as much, I feel a little bit [[Slow-in-the-minds|faster]] in mental processing... Aaand I feel a whole lot better so with that [''puts out hands''] I'm essentially [[Autism#Autism cured?|cured of autism]]. Oh and also I actually have been able to socialize better out in public, so that's another good deal right there.

I'm gonna put the link underneath this video... And those of y'all with autism... Try for yourself. Three- play it three times, per day... for three months. [''Points to head''] It worked for me. [''Thumbs up'']}}

However, in a November Facebook post, he was back to referring to himself as a "high-functioning autistic person."<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref>

Chris mentioned in August 2017 that he takes Valium, a drug used to treat [[stress|anxiety and nervousness]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#On_wearing_the_unicorn_cosplay_to_church</ref>

{{quote|I took a rest and some valium after I got back home. I feel some recovered, but feel some mild headache now.|Chris, on taking the drug after feeling stress from being told not to wear his [[unicorn cosplay]] at church.}}

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease] or the result of engaging in dangerous prone masturbation), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref> He didn't have any; [[Virgin with rage|you can probably guess why]].

==Gender transitioning==
{{see also|Transgender}}
===Hormone treatment===
[[File:Like budderin bread - credit to Buck Mullet.gif|thumb|Chris believes this is an appropriate form of hormone therapy.]]
Normally, transgender people plan out their gender transitions with doctors to ensure safety throughout the process, especially if they are taking hormones (which can cause health issues unless strictly monitored according to the patient's health profile).

Unfortunately, Chris has done the opposite. In 2015, he acquired '''Oestrogel''', a hormone replacement therapy cream meant for [[Barbara Chandler|post-menopausal women]]. It is meant to be prescription-only, but Chris got around the requirement to see a doctor by ordering it through Offshore Pharmacy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref> Oestrogel has health risks, such as fluid retention, weight changes, rise in blood pressure (disastrous for an [[Obesity|obese]] person like Chris) and blood clots,<ref name=healthrisks>[http://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-89430/estrogel-transdermal/details/list-sideeffects Common and Rare Side Effects for Estrogel transdermal]. WebMD</ref> and that is when it is applied properly via a small dosage on the arm once per day. He even managed to fail at following the directions on the package, as shown in [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.]], in which he slathers the cream onto his stomach "like buttering bread".

[[Kim Wilson]] revealed that he was taking the hormones in May 2015,<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref> and Chris mentioned the drug again as late as August 2016.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref> Throughout 2015-2016, he repeatedly complained, via Facebook posts, of feeling dizzy and ill, but has failed to connect the dots and see that taking over-dosages of a black-market drug without a physician's approval could be a reason for it.

In addition to Oestrogel, Chris has been taking supplements such as vitamins. He purchased a jar of Solaray Female Hormone Blend Vitamins in August 2016,<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-10-chris-bought-female-hormone-vitamins.23257/</ref> which is meant to ease menopausal symptoms. [[Arthur Spatchcock]] also learned that, around [[May 2016]], Chris was fond of eating Fenugreek seeds because he believed it would increase his estrogen levels (being unaware that it would have no effect on him, since he is not on estrogen).<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-562#post-1475700</ref>

At some point in fall 2016, he finally went to a medical professional and was prescribed proper HRT.<ref>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT]]</ref>

===Un-clit===
One day in September 2014, Chris decided to get [[Un-clit|a piercing on his perineum]]. Piercings require constant disinfection while they heal, anywhere on the body, even for very clean people, and so many trolls were concerned that considering Chris's general filthiness and the fact that the location of the piercing would receive very little air, there was a serious risk of infection. In December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that, while it wasn't infected, the piercing had begun to reject (''tearing the skin'' in the process). Making lemonade out of lemons, Chris (now in the throes of his transwoman fantasy) noted with pride the tear's semblance to a [[China|vagina]] and actually got it re-pierced, without giving the original wound any longer than about a week to heal. Fortunately, Chris gave up on it after it became clear that the piercing was going to be more hassle than it was worth, and removed it for good before any serious harm was done.

===Self-inflicted taint wound===
{{main|Self-inflicted taint wound}}

In [[July 2016]], Chris posted about a wound on his taint, announcing that he had gotten it as a result of [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] and would be growing new labia as a result. However, as the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] later discovered, Chris actually went ahead and '''sliced himself open with a knife in order to free the vagina he thought was growing within him'''.

{{quoteboxgreen|So, Chris was feeling up his junk, and he felt something "growing in". He believed his labia were growing in. He knew, logically, that he probably should let it... ahem... "erupt" on its own, because cutting himself open is crazy and he would probably get in trouble. But one night he was drunk and was sad that someone pointed out he didn't have an actual vagina, so he thought he'd help it along.

In the morning he was very embarrassed and sheepish about it. Chris is fucking lucky he posted about it online, and got pestered into getting help by weens, because if he hadn't, he'd probably end up in the hospital, fighting off a potentially lethal infection.

So technically speaking, in Chris logic, it was indeed a wound, but his vagina was going to come out and the wound would heal and everything would be alright.

It's kind of like he was Brundlewoman and he was pulling off his old ear and face and shit, and the beautiful Pam Anderson Christine would be underneath.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-12-21-chris-reminiscences-about-moving-back-into-14bc-after-the-fire.26774/page-7#post-1962817</ref>}}

===Rejected by a blood bank===
In January 2017, Chris complained on Facebook that he had been turned away from a blood drive for being transgender.<ref>[[January 2017 Facebook Posts]]</ref> He stated that the given reason was "the FDA saw to not accept blood from Transgender people, due to the varying levels of testosterone/estrogen balances in our blood." Chris does not realize how medically sensitive patients will be when receiving blood transfusions, and that it would not be in their interests to be taking blood with hormonal imbalances, especially from Chris, whose blood has been affected by both his unhealthy lifestyle and the dangerous intake of the unsupervised Oestrogel drug.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[COVID-19]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Health}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Chris and death

2020-08-24T15:04:15Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Quote|And dying is not happening with me; I'm set to stay alive for thousands of years.|Chris being absolutely delusional on [[Discord]].<ref>[[Discord#Chris thinks he'll live for thousands of years]]</ref>}}

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace...?]]

'''Death''' is a concept that Chris has a notably hard time understanding and/or [[coping]] with, be it the death of a [[Bob Chandler|human]] or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even an [[imaginary friend]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's near-inability to empathize (a common symptom of [[autism]]), and childish thought patterns. Children often don't understand death, usually just thinking it's "like sleeping forever", "just leaving", or in Chris's mind, "merged with their counterpart from [[C-197]]." Chris, being a child inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to understand death.

==Family==

===Various ancestors===
Chris claimed that, at Aunt Corrina's funeral, his ancestors wished him a safe [[Ohio trip|trip to Ohio]] to meet Julie.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

===Patti (1988–2006)===
[[Patti]] was the Chandler family's pet dog, who died in [[June 2006]]. Chris apparently drew a picture of a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face on the signature confirming the euthanasia process.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti&diff=4455&oldid=4454 Eulogy for Patti] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref> As seen in the image used in this article, Patti also appeared in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]], immortalized as a furry character named [[Patti-Chan]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]].

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Unsurprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended. In [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]], he equates [[Ryan Cash]]'s death with Patti's, and in the [[Father Call]], he equates the death of [[Matthew Devoria]]'s mother in the 9/11 attacks.

On the 1-year anniversary of her death, Chris even broke down in tears and had to be consoled by his mother.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris is sad about Patti|Megan emails, Jan-July 2007]]</ref> By comparison, the "death" of any sweetheart will result in a few days of mourning at best.

It should be noted though that despite all of Chris's fondness for Patti, her memory was still not safe from being [[It's not that cold|defiled by trolls manipulating him]].

===Aunt Corrina (1936–2009)===
Chris's [[aunt Corrina]] had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also [[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]], a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes. Needless to say, Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt.

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails, the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow.

===Chandler Cats===
Several of the [[Chandler Cats]] have died, in ways ranging from illness, old age, or being trapped in the [[house fire]]. Many are also outdoor cats and presumably met their ends while outside. Despite the unusually high death count, Chris insists on taking in new strays when a previous cat dies.

===Bob Chandler (1927–2011)===
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|The crypt in which Bob lies and Barb will also one day lie.]]

[[File:RobertchuBackHome.jpg|thumb|One of the ways Chris coped with the death, believing his father occasionally comes back as an [[imaginary friend]].]]

After a long battle with heart failure, [[Bob]]'s life came to an end while he was being hospitalized in the [[wikipedia:Martha Jefferson Hospital|Martha Jefferson Hospital]]'s ICU.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 Bob's Obituary] (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref>

In an unreleased call with [[Jackie]], Chris broke down sobbing over his father's death.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/black-tape-chris-call-where-he-mourns-bob.1201/</ref> The call, referred to by fans as the "Black Tape", was sealed out of empathy for Chris.

In an email, Chris told Jackie that ''"my heavier cries from my father's passing is really hitting me bad"'', and lamented that in a previous [[dream]] the Grim Reaper had promised that he would not claim Bob until 2015.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref>

In a 31 March 2012 Facebook message, Chris expressed a desire for Bob's ghost to haunt the dreams of anyone who doesn't like him, putting him on the exact same level as his dead dog. While this was an understandable reaction to discovering "plans" that trolls were going to dig her up, or discovering a webcomic that contained what he considered a mockery of her memory, his threat to send Bob's ghost after people is equal parts disrespectful and unreasonable.

In a [[Facebook]] post from [[June 2013|June]] of [[2013]], Chris laments that he had more freedom when his father was still alive, and goes onto complain about how he has to take time out of his day to "[[Jerkop|serve and protect]]" [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]]. Knowing Chris, this presumably means that he sat around in [[Chris's room|his room]] playing [[vidya]] while his elderly father did most of the [[Chores|work around the house]].

===Barbara Chandler (1941–)===
{{quote|I really have none.|Chris on whether he has plans in place for after Barbara passes away.<ref>[[Internet Dream Lounge]]</ref>}}

[[Barbara]] is Chris's surviving parent. When she inevitably passes on, Chris will ultimately be left with no coddling matriarch to provide support for or keep him company, and in the grander scheme of things, without parents. Where everyone's favorite manchild will go from there remains a mystery, especially since it was revealed in an [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking|October 2013 Facebook post]] that Chris considers Barbara to be one of the few people who gives meaning and purpose to his life.

Alongside Bob, who Chris entered a protracted period of grieving for after his passing, Barbara is one of the few people in Chris's life that he cares about enough to genuinely fear her passing, and Barbara has used this to [[manipulate]] Chris into following orders on multiple occasions; one such instance of this was in 2011 (prior to Bob's death), in which she threatened to commit suicide if Chris committed the [[Chris and Religion|ungodly sin]] of visiting [[MAGfest]] in Maryland that year. Terrified and distraught, Chris backpedalled, receiving only more guilt-tripping and a payment on some [[vidya]] as a consolation prize.<ref>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#Borb vs MAGfest]]</ref> Barbara used her health as a scare tactic for so long that it instilled paranoia into Chris - on one occasion, when Barbara failed to answer the phone when Chris called her while out, Chris panicked and called 911 for a [[welfare check]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/what-will-happen-when-barb-dies.10000/post-4064609</ref>

In [[November 2015]], Chris released [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]], where he addressed [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "her time runs out".

In [[November 2019]], Chris posted a tweet where he copes on the mortality of his mother, imaging her becoming a part-human/part-Rosechu hybrid after death, in the same vein he believed that Bob reincarnated into Robertchu after death.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1190686432047837184</ref>

===Chris himself (1982–)===
Given Chris's notoriously [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|bad diet]], lack of [[Chris and health|activity]], [[14 Branchland Court|hygiene]] or [[Chris and the Internet|social interaction]], on top of a complete lack of [[Love Quest|motivation]] or [[Chris and remorse|concern]] for anything other than himself, it is generally considered unlikely that Chris will live very far into his forties should he persist in his current lifestyle.

However, there is a likelihood that like Bob, who lived into his mid-eighties despite suffering from (and eventually passing away as a result of) [[Heart level|heart failure]] and alcoholism, he may be genetically disposed to lead a long, albeit miserable life.

{{quote|And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am [[Chris and English|LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET]].|Chris, on his visions of death.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#Size does not matter. (CCS)|ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence]]</ref>}}

In a conversation with the CWCipedia Sysop, Chris once mentioned that he had been receiving recurring visions of himself walking into a bright light, which he one day hoped would be prevented from appearing by getting a sweetheart. After the surreal conclusion of the love quest in 2018, it is unknown if he still gets these visions.

In a Facebook post on 30 [[October 2013]], Chris stated that he had become so [[stress|stressed]] out (specifically, over [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|the revelation]] that his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal|gal-pals]] did not actually like him much at all), that he had contemplated killing himself multiple times. According to Chris, the only reasons he did not go through with it are [[Barbara Chandler|painfully]] [[Clover and Snoopy|obvious]]. This shows just how much Chris's [[Chris and mental healthcare|mentality]] has drained, and how badly he needs the professional help he so stubbornly refuses to get. Of course, this could well be Chris exaggerating and trying to gain pity as he has done in the past, and as his mother allegedly also has (or at least, used to have) a habit of doing. In all seriousness, however, suicide is no laughing matter, and this should be looked at with caution.

In a 2019 Discord chat between his fantasy enablers, Chris had claimed that he is set to live for thousands of years.<ref>[[Discord#Chris thinks he'll live for thousands of years]]</ref>

In [[August 2020]], Chris (pretending that his body was being possessed by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]) uploaded a [[Chris's Last Will and Testament|video will]], apparently in case his body vanished from this dimension ([[1218]]).

==Imaginary friends==
Chris is also concerned over the deaths of his [[imaginary friends]] such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and his pals. Since Chris believes all cartoon characters exist in some universe, and he had created Sonichu's, he feels that if he were to reboot the comics, that would mean that Sonichu and his friends would all die, and that they would all reincarnate into their newer rebooted versions.<ref>[[July 2017 Patreon posts#Delay on pages, no plans to reboot Sonichu|July 2017 Patreon posts]]</ref> Being his love and joy, the last thing on Chris' mind would be to kill his creations, but yet is perfectly fine with freezing them in time with his hiatus on the series.

The [[Idea Guys]] allegedly extorted Chris out of thousands of dollars by telling him they would destroy [[CWCville]], which would lead to the deaths of Chris's imaginary friends. Chris paid up, even putting his own [[house]] at risk of foreclosure by skipping a mortgage payment to do so.

Ironically, even when Chris inevitably does pass on and go to meet [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|GodBear]], he will still be remembered; not only for his life and the many [[Sagas|humorous misadventures]] in it, but for his comics. Thus, it can be said that Sonichu will never truly die.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla Rosechu]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his dog. Finally, after being faced with the threat of legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in issue #10, though not before she laid an egg out of wedlock with her baby-daddy [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] (though, of course, the act of laying the egg was never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

Simonla's death apparently continued to haunt Chris long afterwards. This led to him [[Simonla Rosechu#Resurrection|reviving Simonla]] around [[May 2014]], more than four years after her demise. It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''. Simonla's death was as [[Chris and reality|real]] to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

==Troll manipulation==
A favorite tactic of [[trolls]] is to [[manipulate]] Chris into reacting to scenarios involving death, a concept in contrast to Chris's childish mentality and thus guaranteeing he would either react in odd ways or in ways that could be used as ammo against him for future trolling. The scenarios, though fictional, were presented to Chris under the pretense they were true. While Chris generally went along with the claims under pressure from troll manipulation, he did maintain some skepticism, such as when he expressed disbelief to [[Kacey]] months later on the [[Ryan Cash]] suicide scenario.<ref name=skeptical>[[Kacey Call 18]]</ref>

The first death scenario trolls experimented with, in October 2008, was that of a fan whose father had passed away from [[Alcohol|alcoholism]]. When asking Chris for advice on [[coping]], Chris briefly replied that the fan will recover from the father's "accident" and then advised the fan not to become an alcoholic.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

[[File:Ryan memorial.PNG|thumb|Chris's memorial to Ryan in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.]]

A few months later, another death scenario was invented by trolls, involving the [[Ryan Cash]] character, designed to provoke Chris over his lack of work ethic on the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic; the fabrication was that Ryan had been a ''Sonichu'' fan and committed suicide when Chris stopped updating it. Trolls badgered Chris over multiple chats to keep acknowledging the death, not satisfied with his brief replies on the death being sad. Trolls then elevated matters by having the [[Clyde Cash]] character threaten Chris with revenge over the death of his brother. A frustrated Chris recorded a video in which he tried to reason with Clyde, and put his foot in his mouth by suggesting that if Clyde got a girlfriend it would help him get over the death.<ref>[[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]]</ref>

===Sweethearts===
{{Quote|Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.|[[Chris]] on the late [[PandaHalo]].<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}

Trolls also carried out the death scenario fabrications using a few of their [[sweetheart]] characters. Chris had blunt responses to the supposed deaths and seemingly adjusted quickly when another sweetheart character professed to be in love with him.

When [[PandaHalo]]'s character arc ended, Chris believed that her silence meant she might have been a victim of the Australian bushfires (despite her location being hundreds of kilometers away). Shortly after her apparent death, the [[Julie]] sweetheart character was introduced to Chris. In a Mumble chat where trolls directed the conversation to PandaHalo's fate, Chris said, "It's OK though, at least I have a good woman who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7]]</ref> Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[BlazeBob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her. Chris also "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork.

The [[Sarah May]] character claimed to attempt suicide after Chris accidentally called her "[[Julie]]" multiple times in a call.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> After Chris attempted to talk her down, Sarah May went offline still claiming she would kill herself. Julie, also in the chat, was playing along, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was unnatural. Chris told Julie, "Well at least I still have you." Chris then made recorded [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]], in which the only reason he offered as to why she shouldn't commit suicide was that he would be sad without her.

When the [[Ivy]] character arc was forced to end due to [[Rocky Shoemaker]]'s intervention, trolls came up with the scenario that she committed suicide by hanging after being upset she couldn't be in contact with Chris. Chris uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a memorial, a poorly-sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop-punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's failures. Ivy's demise was incorporated into [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], in the form of a gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.|Chris's advice to a fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 27#Love and loss]]</ref>}}

In a Mailbag answer to the troll scenario of a fan grieving over the loss of his girlfriend, Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another woman right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].

==Tragedies==
{{Oversized}}

===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d. 2001)===
[[File:Memory-card-15-2.jpg|200px|thumb|A Memory Card noting the tragedy, next to the Dark Arbok Pokémon card Chris had purchased on that day.]]

Chris has a very juvenile understanding of the [[wikipedia:September 11 attacks|September 11, 2001 terror attacks]] and their effect on world history. In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of 1 [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde Cash]] and says that he is as weak as the [[Wikipedia:World Trade Center|Twin Towers]], which were primary targets in the 9/11 attacks. He then pretends that the mouse cursor is crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. After heavy criticism for turning a tragedy which killed 3,000 people into a childish joke, Chris [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|apologized]] and insisted his patriotism. He also equated the death of [[Kacey]]'s grandmother, who is said to have died in the attacks, to his dead dog. For literally no reason at all, the date of the attack is included in a time-travel sequence in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].

===Passengers of ''[[wikipedia:RMS Titanic|RMS Titanic]]'' (d. 1912)===
In 1912, famous passenger liner ''Titanic'' hit an iceberg on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England to New York, and resulted in the deaths of around 1,600 people. In [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]], Chris insensitively attempts to threaten [[Lars]] by destroying a [[Lego]] version of the Titanic.

===[[Wikipedia:Murder of Yeardley Love|Yeardley Love]] (1987–2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for [[University of Virginia|UVA]] who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on television for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for [[Tobacky|smoking]]. Later in the video, [[Chris and his Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's not a bad man. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew in an attempt to make himself look good.

===Victims of the November 2015 Paris terror attacks===
In wake of the shootings and bombings in Paris on November 13, 2015, Chris [[Chris's Response to the Terrorism Attacks in Paris|responded on Facebook]] and expressed remorse in his own simple way, but equated the real-life atrocity which killed over 120 people with the actions of a "cartoon villain", suggesting he still has a poor grasp of the difference between reality and fantasy. Included was the image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of the American flag in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

==Suicide==
{{quote|[Suicide]'s taboo in Sonichu culture. The moment you threaten it, you're not considered a Sonichu.|An [[Idea Guy]] posing as [[Cryzel Rosechu]] talking Chris out of contemplating suicide.<ref name=bad>[[The Bad Beginning]]</ref>}}

There are many problems that have caused some followers to worry that Chris may kill himself, to escape the pain of his incredibly miserable real life and go to [[CWCville]] forever:

*Chris is almost 40 years old, with no real income, no savings, no qualifications, and a lot of debt.
*Chris gets bullied and manipulated by [[weens]] on a regular basis, and his only friends exist in his imaginary world: Chris’s grasp on [[reality]] is so tenuous, that he now rejects offers of friendship from genuine people in favor of [[enablers]], who play along with his beliefs before bailing out at first sign of trouble (such as the [[Teen Troon Squad]]).
*Chris’s only real relative is [[Barb]], who is nearly 80 years old and also deep in debt: with no confirmed plans by other family members to take Chris in, there are growing concerns that the mounting debt (worth over $155,000) could lead to the so-called "Homeless Saga" when Barb dies.
*Chris has little to no chance of getting a [[job]] or a [[sweetheart]], with over a decade of unsavory information about him on the internet, and weens and A-Logs who regularly try to get him banned or fired from every place that he visits or works.
*Chris originally did not know about the CWCki, and therefore was unaware that all his sweethearts (such as [[Kim Wilson]]) were actually trolls: Chris actually considered suicide in October 2013, after discovering that past events and friends were nothing more than trolls or paid acquaintances.

However, there are a number of reasons why [[Chris]] still has a general interest in life, despite all the trouble that he went through:

*Chris still gets positive publicity, such as Sonichu’s appearance in [[Sonic Rebuilt]] in March 2020: there are also "mainstream" observers like dodie and Harry Partridge, as well as those who just want to know how Chris crowbars CWCville and his characters into reality.
*The [[Dimensional Merge]], while semi-apocalyptic, is not a death cult like Jonestown: Chris believes that he can travel between dimensions without having to die. Furthermore, he believes that his imaginary world will teleport into the real world, and not the other way.
*Although enablers have not been helpful to Chris’s already tenuous grasp on reality, many of them act like they care about him, to such an extent that they may have unwittingly discouraged Chris from kicking the bucket.
*Actually committing suicide is not easy: hanging can be long and painful, slitting wrists can be very long and very painful, and it is not easy to acquire poison. It would also be very hard for Chris to obtain a firearm due to his mental health and [[Chris and the law|criminal record]].
*In October 2013, Chris ruled out suicide, not only because of Barb and his pets, but also because of his belief (at the time) that suicide would leave him in Limbo.
*In [[April 2018]], during a chat with the [[Idea Guys]] in which they psychologically abused Chris, he commented that he would commit suicide. The Idea Guys then talked him out of considering it by drilling into his mind that suicide is taboo in Sonichu culture and that Chris could not be a Sonichu if he committed suicide.<ref name=bad></ref>
*In [[June 2018]], when talking about the infamous line "Zap to the extreme", Chris said he literally feels electricity in his body, then states that he isn't killing himself.<Ref>[[June 2018 social media posts#Zap to the Extreme]]</ref>

==Dimension C-197 as Chris's version of Heaven==
Following the [[Idea Guys]] saga, which affirmed to Chris his [[dimension]] beliefs, Chris began to think of alternate dimension [[C-197]] as Heaven. He stated that he believes his deceased pets have reincarnated as characters<ref>[[Twitter Q&A]], the Cats or Dogs question</ref> and that his father is "alive again".<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref> He also stated that Marvel writer Stan Lee's soul had merged with his C-197 counterpart.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1062065071654928385</ref>

So sure was Chris in this that he even tried to console a woman whose father passed away by telling her that her father's soul had likely gone to C-197.<ref>[[May 2019 social media posts#Chris Reacts to Death]]</ref>

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Dead]]

Cherokian Clan

2020-08-24T15:03:45Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|Cherokians have heads bigger than their torsos, arms thicker than their legs, and wear Roman-style ceremonial armour at all times.]]
[[File:Francis Parsons - Cunne Shote.jpg|thumb|300px|A portrait of a Cherokee, for comparison only.]]

{{Quote|I am 1/32 Cherokee. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations.|Chris, [[Regina e-mails]]}}
{{Quote|I will admit, my knowledge of the Cherokees can be better.|Chris, [[Mailbag 8]]}}

[[Chris]] claims to have at least one ancestor who is [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|Cherokee]]. Thus, the '''Cherokian Clan''' is the tribe he believes this ancestor belongs to. The ancient exploits of the clan figure heavily into the mythology of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comics.

The primary rival tribe of the Cherokian Clan was the [[Wasabi Clan]].

==Fictional history==
Apparently living in what is now [[Virginia]] many centuries ago, the Cherokians (pronounced [tʃəˈɹɑkiən] - chuh-rock-ee-uhns by Chris) possessed considerable mystical and prophetic powers. [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|The Cherokee leader]], Christian's ancestor, wore a coveted [[Cherokian crown]] which somewhat resembled the ears of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], suggesting that there is [[Transformers|more than meets the eye]] to Christian's creation.

The Cherokians and Wasabi fought frequently over both the crown and the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|Cherokian queen]], whom the [[Wasabi Rival|Wasabi leader]] wanted as his own. Despite this, the Cherokians and Wasabi joined forces to defeat and imprison their mutual enemy, [[Count Graduon]].

Recognizing that Graduon could someday again threaten mankind, the Cherokians wrote the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], describing the exact circumstances of Graduon's escape and the identity of the individuals who would summon the power to defeat him. The prophecy was locked away in the Destiny Cave somewhere near the future site of [[CWCville]], Virginia, along with the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets that would empower two of the three "[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|electric creatures]]" fated to stop Graduon.

==Reality==
[[File:Ancestry_composition3.jpg|thumb|150px|The truth is out.]]

Chris is among a very large number of [[United States of America|Americans]] — most of whom aren't autistic man-children — who claim to have some distant [[Wikipedia:Native American|Native American]] heritage. In particular, it is common for many white and [[Niggos|black]] people, especially in the South, to specifically claim Cherokee heritage. How accurate all of those claims are is another matter. At least in some cases, it is more likely that the "Cherokee ancestor" is a cover for having a distant black ancestor if the person claiming the ancestry is white, or vice versa.

Chris has actually given multiple values for how much Cherokee blood he has; for example, in Chris's emails to [[Jackie E-mails 16|Jackie]], he says that he's actually 1/16 Cherokee Indian, but then in the [[Regina e-mails|Regina Emails]], he states he's 1/32 Cherokee. [[Bob]] seems to have encouraged Chris's claims to Native ancestry, telling [[Emily]] that he (Bob) was "at least" one-fourth Cherokee. Assuming Bob was correct, this would mean Chris is actually at least one-eighth Cherokee. Therefore, Chris's claims that he is 1/16 or 1/32 Cherokee would simply indicate that he is shitty at math.

When considering the likelihood of this account, it should also be noted that Chris also claims to be descended from [[Anne Boleyn]], whose [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth I of England|only offspring]] died without children, as well as Englishman [[Daniel Weston]], who didn't exist at all. For someone who takes pride in his Cherokee ancestry, he is extremely ignorant regarding actual Cherokees, who bear no physical resemblance to Chris's portrayals whatsoever. He depicts the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as white-skinned and blue-eyed (and looking very much like Chris himself), referring to Cherokee artifacts, customs, and people with the dubious demonym "Cherokian," and slathering them in solid gold ''Sonichu''-themed jewelry and armor. Interestingly, the large amount of gold, the decoration, the coloration, and the overall design makes the character look far more [[Wikipedia:Maya civilization|Mayan]] or Ancient Italian ([[Wikipedia:Samnites|Samnite]], [[Wikipedia:Etruscan civilization|Etruscan]] and [[Wikipedia:Roman Republic|early Roman Republic]]) than anything else. Apparently it's all the same to Chris.

When a fan asked Chris to explain his inaccuracies regarding the Cherokee people and their presentation in the comic, Chris offered that he didn't know as much about the Cherokees as he possibly could. He refused to concede that he was wrong, but simply said that there might be a few facts he had glossed over.<ref>[[Mailbag 8#Chris the editor]]</ref>

Shedding even further light onto his attitudes regarding Cherokees, Chris compared the [[Wikipedia:Trail of Tears|Trail of Tears]], a tragedy in which 4,000 Cherokees and many other Native Americans were killed, to some pranks in which people on the internet made fun of him.<ref>[[Mailbag 50#The "Chris's art sucks on purpose" emails]]</ref>

In March 2018, Chris posted the results of a DNA test on Facebook,<ref>[[March 2018 social media posts#Apology to jewish people]]</ref> which indicated that he had zero Native American ancestry. Chris made no comment on this discrepancy with his past claims, though he boasted about his 0.1-percent [[Jewish]] blood.

==UNGA WUNGA==
[[File:Unga Wunga Time.jpg|thumb|left|300px]]
"'''UNGA-WUNGA'''" is a piece of [[Chris and art|art]] produced by Chris. Chris is pictured having [[hanky-panky]] with what is supposed to be [[Jackie]] up against a tree, with a group of 'native' people cheering and [[mass debating]] (at the same time) all around them. Chris came up with this idea on his own; Jackie had asked him to draw of picture of (non-specific) men jacking off at the sight of Chris and Jackie having sex in a pool. Chris justified the drawing with the tired claim that he is 1/16th Cherokee. As for the name of the piece, Chris said it was "just an expression I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref> This sums up how [[naïve]] and utterly racist Chris is when it comes to Native Americans. Even the people in the picture don't look like Native Americans, but look more white and African-American.
{{clear}}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
Image:CherokeeChris.jpg|Artist's depiction of Chris celebrating his Cherokee ancestry.
Image:Indiann.jpg|Somehow, the real Chris doing it looks sillier than the troll art.
Image:160-ChrokiChanCard.jpg|[[My Little Pony]] featured heavily in [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]] Native American culture.
File:448-CWCWigwam.JPG|Where the Cherokian Clan live.
Image:T8DEA.jpg|Artist's depiction of an ancient Cherokian warrior.
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Public Service Announcement: the Plight of the Cherokee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fRXroiXFTWs}}
| Stardate = 4 December 2009
| Maker = GodAndTheBearFilms
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
*[[War Paint Video]] - Chris pretends to be a real Cherokee to threaten trolls.
*[[ECV 00001]] - Chris reads the Wikipedia article on the Cherokee Clan for several minutes.
*[[Chris and race#Native Americans|Chris and race]] - More analysis of Chris's racism.
*[[Megatron Pistol]] - As used by the ancient Cherokees.
*[[Cherokean Chant]] - Chris recites the well known Cherokee Chant: "A nu cheeki breeki, davai!"

==References==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Charlottesville, VA

2020-08-24T15:03:30Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Quote|This Charlottesville "Community" is FULL of Ignorant, Uncaring, Snooty, Snobish, Corrupted People.|Chris, 2012<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}
{{infobox
| title = Charlottesville
| image = [[Image:CharlottesvilleMap.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Country
|data1 = [[United States]]
|label2 = State
|data2 = [[Virginia]]
|label3 = Coordinates
|data3 = 38°1′48″N 78°28′44″W
|label4 = Classification
|data4 = Independent city
|label5 = Date established
|data5 = 1762
|label6 = Population
|data6 = 45,059
|label7 = Zip/post code
|data7 = 22901-22908
|label7 = Area code
|data7 = 434
|header8 = Also known as
|data8 = C-ville
|header9 = Website
|data9 = [http://www.charlottesville.org/ charlottesville.org]
|header10 = Notable for
|data10 = [[Pmurt|Political discord]], indie music, and somewhere for people in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] to go
}}

'''Charlottesville''' is an independent city in the [[Virginia|Commonwealth of Virginia]]. For most Americans, it is the location of Thomas Jefferson's home [[A Hike|Monticello]] and the [[University of Virginia]], and where the [[Wikipedia:Unite the Right rally|rally]] concerning [[Pmurt]]'s Presidency took place. For [[Christian Weston Chandler]], '''C-ville''' (as he calls it) is home to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], [[The GAMe PLACe]], and various other stores that he is [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from. It is also his birthplace.<ref name="WikiProfile">[[Chris's Wikipedia profile]]</ref>

The town is so quaint that they drew an interactive map of the place so that it looks like a low-budget [[1980s]] theme park.<ref>[http://www.discoverymap.com/Virginia/Charlottesville-Virginia-Interactive-Map.html?urlid=6906&urlloc=1]</ref> According to the map, the entrance of the town is guarded by the world's biggest [[white knight|knight]].

==Charlottesville and the outside world==
Look up Charlottesville on a map of Virginia or the eastern seaboard at large and its isolation becomes clear. The nearest major city, [[Richmond]], lies 71 miles (114 km) by road to the southeast. Washington, D.C. is a 117-mile (188 km) drive to the northeast. To the north, south, and west lie wide expanses of not very much at all, unless you count the strip of small towns along the I-81 corridor that runs up Virginia's western border.

Chris's accounts of his life to date show no evidence that he's ever seen much of the world outside the Charlottesville area. When he was a teenager, his family temporarily relocated to Chesterfield County, a suburban area south of Richmond; since moving back to [[Ruckersville]], he has not journeyed far from his stomping grounds at all, save for [[Chris's_homes#Chris_and_other_states|a few short occasions]].

==C-ville==
{{quote|And when you diss CWCville you disf—you diss every "C-ville" within these United States.|Chris|[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]}}
[[File:Edziz1wWsAEIzmn.png|thumb|Gardevoir spotted on Cville's East Main Street, 2020]]
'''C-ville''' is a common local abbreviation for Charlottesville, although it is used in print much more often than it is spoken aloud. Chris has used the word as a [[CWC-ism]] to refer to every town in the United States that begins with "C," but he specifically uses it to refer to both Charlottesville and his fictional town [[CWCville]]. In the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, Chris walks around the Charlottesville Downtown Mall and the adjoining Pavilion, referring to everything he sees as a part of CWCville.

It is clear that he wished to use the term to link his defense of his fictional town to his supposed [[United States of America#Chris_on_patriotism|patriotism]]. Essentially, insulting [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] means you are insulting [[CWCville]], which means you are insulting C-ville, which means [[Twin Falling Towers|you hate America]].

Interestingly enough, the local Charlottesville newspaper is entitled ''C-VILLE Weekly'', first published in [[2013]] as a replacement for ''[[The Hook]]''.

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[Ruckersville, VA]]
*[[McIntire Park]]
*[[Rollin' and Trollin']]
*[[CWCville]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlottesville,_Virginia On Wikipedia]
*[http://www.charlottesville.org/ Official site]
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Chaotic Combo

2020-08-24T15:02:34Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

[[File:CC.PNG|thumb|right|200px|That's right, he's given them a logo. You know, in case he gets a call asking for a merchandising deal.]]
[[File:Sonicu Guys by TokiKoKawaii.jpg|thumb|The chaotic combo are STRAIGHT!]]
The '''Chaotic Combo''' is a team of Sonichu recolors with varying amounts of personality (ranging from one-dimensional to slightly more than one-dimensional) and screen-time. The Chaotic Combo first appeared in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_10 Page 10]</ref> The name was ripped off from Chaotix, a gang of five detectives first appearing in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Knuckles' Chaotix|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''.

==Backstory==

The Chaotic Combo were created at the same moment [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were made. When the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]] flew out of Sonic and Pikachu and hit the female Raichu, some eggs flew out of the rainbow for no clear reason and landed in a variety of locations. These hatched into [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]]s and [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Rosey]]s that were then raised by nearby Pokémon.

==Members==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:wild-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Wild Sonichu]]===
The leader. Wild was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]] and a [[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]. The Scyther, his father, and the Venusaur, his mother, taught him the skills necessary to survive in the jungle. He can swing through jungles and turn invisible. He attacks with razor leaves and vine whips. He is a confident, outgoing and courageous character, although rather shy around members of the other gender. He eventually ends up in a relationship with a [[Simonla Rosechu|stolen character]] and has [[Sandy Rosechu|a child]] with her.
 
'' "Green electric/grass hedgehog Pokemon. 2nd in command of the Chaotic Combo. He was raised by a Venusaur, and has a perfect Razor Leaf attack (with a dash of lightning)."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bubbles-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Bubbles Rosechu]]===
The dumb one. Bubbles was raised by a female [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]. She has no personality whatsoever, other than being a total whore and being shown to get her rocks off by being electrocuted or hit with "Psychic Needles". Her powers include control over water and the ability to powerfully slap her enemies. She's in a relationship with [[Blake]]. Apparently, she can create tidal waves, which are normally caused by earthquakes, or volcanic eruptions, but either way kill thousands of people. Bubbles is Water/Electric.
 
''"Blue electric/water hedgehog Pokemon. Optimistic and full of energy, when she feels happy, she will tell everyone. She was raised by a mother Swampert who taught her how to create tidal waves."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:punchy-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Punchy Sonichu]]===
The token minority. An incarnation of how Chris sees [[Chris and race|Asian people]], Punchy is a slanty-eyed self-proclaimed "strike ninja" who had his tail ripped off in a matter of seconds by [[Mypoe]] seconds after crash landing into [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#G.D.W._Shinabe|G.D.W. Shinabe]]'s dojo. Having his tail promptly removed somehow caused the [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]] to evolve into Punchy, which made him a martial arts expert. Punchy then used a sky uppercut to launch Mypoe into the stratosphere, clearly murdering her. Mypoe's father reacted to this by congratulating him and taking him on as his star pupil. Supposedly, Punchy is full of "[[Random-access humor|Random Access Humor]]", except he doesn't really show up in the comic a lot, and when he does, he isn't funny. He attacks with punches. Punchy is Fighting/Electric.
 
''"Red electric/fighting hedgehog Pokemon. Punchy is very strong and full of random weird humor. He lost his tail in a fight. He was raised in a dojo in Japan."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:angelica-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]===
The [[Chris and Religion|Jesus freak]]. Raised by a group of nuns, Angelica uses her magic powers to grow flowers with such messages as "HOPE" and "PEACE & LOVE". Only has slightly more personality than Bubbles. Uses words like "pray" and "Lord" randomly to show that she is religious, despite rampantly engaging in premarital sex and even [[mass debating]] in church. Angelica doesn't fight very often, but she apparently can use wing attacks and whirlwinds. Angelica is Flying/Electric, and has a pair of angel wings.
 
''"White electric/flying hedgehog Pokemon. She usually remains peaceful and calm, and she prays every night. Angelica was raised in a church by some nuns."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:magichan-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Magi-Chan]]===
The closet case. Probably the most interesting of the bunch, Magi-chan is supposedly very intelligent, has psychic powers and can travel through [[Time Void|time]]. Raised by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who communicated with him telepathically after he hatched. The only member of the Chaotic Combo, and probably one of the few Sonichus altogether, that bothers wearing clothing, even if it's just a vest. Magi-Chan is Psychic/Electric.
 
''"Purple electric/psychic hedgehog Pokemon. He has telekinetic powers, and he can bend anything with his mind."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>
</table>

==Notable Character Relationships==
[[File:LBPChaoticCombo.jpg|thumb|300px|The loving couples and their proud father, as recreated in [[LittleBigPlanet]].]]
===Sonichu and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
Sonichu has a quite close working relationship and friendship with the rest of the Combo, almost to the point where he's a sixth member. He's seen more often with a member of the Combo than they are as a full team by themselves, not to mention that Sonichu has no problem hanging out with [[Rosechu]] and her [[gal pal|Gal-pals]]. Moreover, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] are said to play with [[Sandy Rosechu|Wild's own groinspawn]]. Since he's the only one besides [[Bubbles]] who has any aptitude with electric attacks and he also has the ear of the mayor, he may be the ''de facto'' sixth member of the group
===Blake and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
While shown to be individually more powerful than any of the other members, he turns into a simpering bitch after [[media:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|getting gangbanged]] by Sonichu and the rest of the Combo and developing a crush on Bubbles. His status in the rest of the clique rose considerably after attending a few birthday parties and becoming Bubbles' gelding. Ironically, Blake was able to get [[Sonichu 10|far more evil done]] as a confident of the Chaotic Combo than he ever did working for Giovanni and Robotnik.

===Magi-Chan and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
The other members of the Chaotic Combo seem to freely use Magi-Chan for teleportation services and information about the latest plot device of the week while doing little to return the favor. Strangely, Magi-Chan doesn't seem to resent this frequent badgering for assistance. In his first meet-up with the others in [[Episode 11]] he's actually a bit peevish when people take their sweet time to ask him for his psychic taxi services. This stoic commitment to duty is, to no one's surprise, waived when it's Chris-chan doing the asking.

===Angelica, Bubbles, and Rosechu===
Like Sonichu, Rosechu is frequently seen hanging out with the other two female members of the Chaotic Combo. Unfortunately, as she's but a mere [[women's rights|female character in ''Sonichu'']] she's only seen interacting with them in warm scenes of domesticity. Stuff like shopping at the mall, hanging out at the beach, or stripping nude.

===Punchy and Angelica===
Punchy initially develops a crush on Angelica after she attends to him after getting owned by Blake's hoverboard. This infatuation only lasts until he starts IM-ing [[Layla|Layla Flaafy]], whereupon he immediately forgets his years-long feelings for Angelica.

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

Blake

2020-08-24T15:01:27Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{quote|He was cloned from [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s DNA. with an accidental dose of [[Fanta|Cherry Cola]], in [[Giovanni]]'s evil lab. Blachu [Blake] can run fast as fast as Sonichu, but they don't see spark-to-spark.|[[:Image:249-ACBchuBck.jpg|Black Sonichu [Blake] Animal Crossing card]]}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Black_Sonichu.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Blake
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 22 March 1999 (in universe, as Black Sonichu)
[[Blake#Conception|No later than 24 July 2002]] (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]) clone
|-
| '''Length'''
| 5'4" (163 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Type'''
| Dark/Electric<ref>[[April_2019_social_media_posts#Chris_Writes_a_Wall_of_Text_About_African-American_Sonichu|April 2019 Twitter]]</ref>
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] or Pikachu
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| Silver Blachu
|-
|}

'''Blake''', originally called '''[[Niggos|Black]] Sonichu''' (and occasionally '''Blachu''') (born 22 March [[1999]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Blake_Black_Sonichu http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Blake_Black_Sonichu]</ref>), is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], and was once the arch-nemesis of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. He is also, inexplicably, [[Bubbles Rosechu]]'s boyfriend (and later husband outside of the [[comic]] canon). However, for some reason, Blake and Bubbles decided to hide it from all of their friends, not knowing that their friends already knew about the relationship. He rips off three characters: [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Shadow the Hedgehog]], [[Pokémon|Pikachu]] and [[Pokémon|Mewtwo]].
==Conception==
While Chris has taken care to inform us of the precise dates in which he conceived of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]],<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation 17 March 2000] and [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu#Origins 22 December 2000], respectively.</ref> he did not do the same for Blake. We can safely deduce that he was not conceived at a point later than 24 [[2002#July|July 2002]], since on said date Chris made a [[:File:250-BlachuCard1.jpg|homemade card]] of Blake (then called Black Sonichu).

The idea of Blake seems to have welled up as a device for Chris to cope with his feelings of [[anger]] by externalizing them. Several months before creating his Black Sonichu card, he experimented with a "[[:File:100-DarkCWC.jpg|Dark Christian]]" card to express his jealousy of [[Harry Potter]]; and an "[[:File:256-EvilEnergy.jpg|Evil Energy]]" card. As early as [[2000]] he had devised a "[[:File:DrksonC.jpg|Dark Sonichu]]" card for "whenever Sonichu is full of anger." In the coming years he would make similar attempts to project his own feelings of discomfort onto cartoon dopplegangers with [[Naitsirhc]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]].

In early to mid-[[2003]], with the beginning of his [[Love Quest]], Black Sonichu increasingly came to represent his jealousy of the [[JERKS]] and his self-identification as a [[virgin with rage]]. The ''Sonichu'' canon was a clear case of wish-fulfillment, and Blake stood for everything which interfered with those wishes. On discovering that [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]] was going out with [[Wes Iseli]], Chris imagined a fantasy world where he ([[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]) was the beloved sweetheart of Sarah ([[Rosechu]]) and the villainous Black Sonichu was the jealous Wes, who stalked the lovers.<ref>[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]</ref><ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]</ref> This same theme was played out in the very first [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|classic Sonichu strip]], completed on 3 January [[2004]]. The truth is that while it's common to speak of Sonichu as Chris's Mary Sue, it would be more accurate to say that Chris's emotional state in these years was actually embodied in Blake.

Only later would Blake evolve into a blatant rip-off of Shadow the Hedgehog, starting out as Sonichu's nemesis but later becoming an ally.

==In the comics==
===''Sonichu'' #1===

[[Image:BlakeStats.jpg|thumb|Blake's stats. You know, in case you gave a damn]]

He first appeared in issue 1, episode 4. [[Robotnik|Dr. Robotnik]] was attempting to clone Sonichu and the cloning process was corrupted by "an accidental dose of cherry cola," spilled by [[Bill The Scientist]].

This soda in his DNA changed his fur color to black and red. This makes him an obvious ripoff of Shadow the Hedgehog. Shortly after being created, he was ordered to kidnap [[Rosechu]]. [[Sonic]] and Sonichu thwarted this plan much to his chagrin. As punishment for kidnapping her, Rosechu punched him in the face and knocked some of his teeth out, showing what a pussy he really is.

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

Blake is ordered to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] by [[Giovanni]] because Blake is his bitch. Easily overpowering [[Flame the Sunbird]], he jumps on his hoverboard and escapes with [[Flame]] in pursuit. During the chase, he somehow manages to pass by and piss off almost every single member of the soon-to-be-formed [[Chaotic Combo]]. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] himself jumps into the mix and every last one of them gangs up on Blake and beats the living crap out of him - fair fighting, y'know?

=== ''Sonichu'' #5 ===

In issue five, Blake actually refers to [[Naitsirhc]] as his father while mistaking him for [[CWC]]. Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc wears a Blake [[Medallion]] that allows him to transform into an evil Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

=== ''Sonichu'' #6 ===

Blake is dismayed to see that Naitsirhc has become Reldnahc Ha-Taque. After robbing stores with him, Blake complains to Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] about how he was really mean to him - insulting him all the time and putting whipped cream in his rocket boots. Blake then allows the reader to see that he has the hots for Bubbles - in spite of her helping the [[Chaotic Combo]] beat seven shades of crap out of him.

===Episode 18 Prologue===

On March 21, Bubbles celebrates Blake’s birthday alone with him. They share a kiss after explaining how Blake has the maturity of a twenty-year-old despite being cloned only four years ago.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]===

Blake approaches Rosechu, Angelica and Bubbles whilst they sunbathe on the beach and kicks sand in their faces to make him look badass. Bubbles steps up to “deal with this jerk.” She restrains him and leads him away with the others to be alone with him. The other two Rosechus think it’s “cute” that they pretend to not be a couple.

Bubbles and Blake agree to have sex under a pier after she finds the Sonichu Ball. Unfortunately for Blake, [[Silvana]] takes the form of Bubbles so she can rape him just for laughs. Bubbles finds the [[Sonichu Ball]], but not in time to save Blake.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

CWCville is attacked by [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] and fighting ensues all over the city. On the waterfront, Blake and Bubbles defeat an entire fleet of [[Decepti-Clones#S.A.V.s (Scoundrals as Vessels)|S.A.V.'s]] and proceed to kiss afterwards. Later on, at the end of the episode, they're seen outside of the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] along with the rest of Chris's [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]s and their respective partners. Blake and Bubbles are holding hands, suggesting that they're no longer hiding their relationship from the rest of the public.

===[[Sonichu_10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]]===

As this was the episode in which Chris's narcissism reached its pinnacle, it was more than fitting for it to also be the story in which Blake completed his transformation into just another one of Chris's pawns. Despite becoming a full fledged good guy, Blake's propensity toward evil in this episode is greater than ever.

After returning from the [[Time Void]], Chris orders Blake and [[Punchy]] to go outside of the [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent Garbage]] building where he and Sonichu will meet them later. Once all the members of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] get together, they proceed to destroy the 4-cent Garbage building by playing the song ''[[Revive Zordon]]'' in its proximity. Hundreds endure death and injury as the building collapses, making Blake and the rest of his bandmates mass murderers.

Later on the episode's plot is briefly interrupted for Chris to make a non-apology apology to the LGBT community and other readers he had offended. Blake is standing next to him along with Bubbles, Sonichu and Rosechu, suggesting that his status within Chris's entourage has risen considerably. Blake's next appearance is in the mayor's office where he joins the rest of Chris's goons in ranting against the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia four]]. He is last seen in the episode (and in Sonichu altogether) as he is standing next to Bubbles while she presses one of the ten buttons needed to activate the electric chair to which Alec is strapped. Blake stares at Alec with indignant rage, despite having a rap sheet far worse than that of the doomed comic creator.

===Future episodes===

In a [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|blog post from January 2010]] Chris writes about a planned episode of Sonichu which will focus on Blake.

==CWCipedia biography==

{{quote|The only differences are their color, shoes and this one is more evil.|Chris, informing us that Sonichu is also evil to some degree, and that Sonichu and Blake have less in common than Sonichu and any other Sonichu}}

According to the [[CWCipedia]]'s [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Blake_Black_Sonichu entry on Blake], he was created on [[Sonichu chronology#1999|22 March 1999]], following the battle between Sonichu and Naitsirhc Giovanni on 12 August 1998 (It's cited that it took a while to rebuild the cloning machine, most likely referring to Mewtwo's escape in ''[[Wikipedia:Pokémon: The First Movie|Pokémon: The First Movie]]''). Through the help of [[Bill the Scientist]], cherry soda is spilled into the DNA, which causes the Sonichu to turn black. Four months later, Black is primed to battle Sonichu, though his first battle goes sour even with the arrival of Metal Sonichu. Blake would continue to do evil, stealing the Master Sunstone and the like. It's said that he enjoyed the rush of villainy, but at the same time, started regretting it.

Everything would change when Black Sonichu prepared to capture Sonichu and Rosechu during their wedding. There, he would see Bubbles Rosechu for the first time. He was so enamored over her that he didn't fire the net gun he was intending to use to capture the two with when he wanted to and when he did, he missed completely. He would learn her name through one of the programs for the wedding.

The two wouldn't meet again until Naitsirhc's transformation into Reldnahc. When they did meet, Bubbles ended up chewing out Black for a good fifteen minutes. Not accustomed to criticism, Black did "an emotional [[Chris humps his PS3|One-Eighty]]" and just broke down and cried like the baby he was, begging for forgiveness. Bubbles accepted and began forming a bond with him. Over ice cream, Black introduced himself as "Black Sonichu," but Bubbles hated a name like that, so she named him "Blake," after a star's name.

When coming into contact with the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] - or with the seven Chaos emeralds upon which the Sonichu Balls are based - Blake can temporarily transform into ''Silver Blachu''. Silver's powers are very similar to those of [[Ultra Sonichu]], Sonichu's own temporary transformation which is induced by the seven Sonichu Balls.<ref>For comparison, see [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Blake_Black_Sonichu#.28Temporary_Transformation.29_Silver_Blachu Silver Blachu] and [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#.28Temporary_Transformation.29_Ultra_Sonichu Ultra Sonichu] on the [[CWCipedia]].</ref> Silver is identical to Blake in physical appearance, with the exception of having gray fur rather than black.

Practically none of this shows up in the comic itself, not even through Chris's lazy textwalls he uses to explain the minor details (such as the tragic death of his [[Ivy|true, God-foreseen love]]) he doesn't want to bother drawing.

In [[Mailbag 31]], Chris refers to Blake as "a deep individual". [[Chris and writing|He hasn't given us any explanation on what makes him "deep"]], either in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]] or in his CWCkipedia article. Like all other [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]], he is flat, boring and only interested in [[Chris and sex|fucking]]. He is the only slightly interesting Sonichu because of his villainous roots, which is completely ignored once he turns to "[[Chaotic Combo|the good side]]".

== Name ==

[[Image:Nigrachu.jpg|thumb]]

Originally, Blake was just referred to as "Black Sonichu" or "Blachu", but Chris decided to change the name so as to look like less of [[:Image:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|a bigoted racist jerk]]. Why he is suddenly called "Blake" is never revealed. Chris assumed that everyone would understand why his name is now Blake, so everyone just goes with it.

Chris, in the CWCipedia article on Sonichu, finally provided the reason why Black Sonichu became Blake - because Blake felt like it.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms]</ref> This was later retconned into saying that Bubbles gave him the name.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Blake_Black_Sonichu#Blake_and_Bubbles Blake_Black_Sonichu#Blake_and_Bubbles]</ref>

Some argue that Chris was indeed ripping off [[Jimmy Hill|Jimmy Hill's]] incarnation of Black Sonichu, who was named "Blake" for some time before Chris started using Blake.<ref>http://sonichu.110mb.com/merchandise.html</ref>

Despite going to great lengths to use the retconned names in the [[Official Videobooks]] (such as "Nicole Rammer" for [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]]), Chris still uses Blake's original name in most of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

== Love Quest ==

In episode 18, it is revealed that Blake has a secret romance with [[Bubbles]] and that they have sex with [[Chris_and_sex#Contraceptives|raincoats]] and don't let the rest of [[CWCville]] know. To cover up their relationship, they pretend to fight and he acts like an ass. At the end of the episode, he gets raped by a shape-shifting hermaphrodite named Silvana. This rape is meant to be a metaphor representing Chris being trolled by men pretending to be women online.

Interestingly enough, [[Chris and Reality|in Chris's imagination]], Bubbles and Blake were married 4 July 2009, at [[Angelica]]'s church. This indicates that despite Blake's failure to control his own [[Duck|libido]], Bubbles forgave him and everyone lived happily ever after.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009]]</ref>

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:070-SchuVsBchu.jpg
Image:080-SilverBchu.jpg|He has a super form, too.
Image:248-ACBchu.jpg
Image:249-ACBchuBck.jpg
Image:250-BlachuCard1.jpg
Image:251-GiosBchu.jpg
Image:252-BlachuCard2.jpg
Image:253-YuBchu.jpg
File:Black sonichu.JPG|Black Sonichu [[medallion]].
Image:254-BlachuPose.jpg|THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE
Image:255-YuSilvBchu.jpg
File:Shoes.PNG|Blake's magic shoes
File:Lego Blake.jpg|[[LEGO]] Blake.
File:EbayBlakeB.JPG|Blake [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Blake_Black_Sonichu}}
<references/>
==See also==
*[[Niggos]]
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Barbara Chandler

2020-08-24T15:00:17Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{DeadLinks}}

{{Protip|Barb doesn't have dementia. Her behavior in begging videos is exaggerated for sympathy donations, and she still demonstrates cognizance off-camera.}}

{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend [[Love_Quest|finding yourself]] a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She [[Death threats|threatens to kill me]] in her episode of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Barbara was more of a “Guilty Pleasure” waifu|Chris [[Chris and escapism#Roleplaying|roleplaying]] as Magi-Chan, demonstrating his oedipal complex}}

{{infobox
| title = Barbara Chandler
| image =[[File:Barbjune2020.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Birth name
|data1 = Barbara Anne Weston
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Barb Blarb [[Borb]] [[Obesity|Snorlax]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Sugar Darling]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Spouse
|data7 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961–1963) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980–2011)
|label9 = Children
|data9 = [[Cole Smithey]] [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|label10 = Father
|data10 = Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955)
|label11 = Mother
|data11 = Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967)
|label12 = Occupation
|data12 = Office worker (retired)
}}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and the mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Early life==
[[File:Zapina.jpg|thumb|Barb's mother on her wedding day (artist's impression)]]
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was 29 or 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Otto died in 1955, after falling from a horse-drawn wagon.<ref>http://genealogytrails.com/vir/charlotte/obits_w.html</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

According to a [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on [[January 2012|January 30th, 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years. Why Chris knows this is anyone's guess.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from [[Wikipedia:Randolph-Henry High School|Randolph-Henry High School]] in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the [[Women's rights|Future Homemakers of America]], a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook, ''The Log'', and a member of the [[Spanish]] Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to [[Obesity|her figure]].

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all of the Westons started hating him and his mother or, alternatively, that by the time of Corrina's death, no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

==Cole and his various fathers==
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she is [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on his experiences with various stepfathers, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates".<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] tries to use [[Chris and English|big]] words to impress people – [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

===Jack Dale Smithey===
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records do not support this.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, Cole's friend syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]] made an Internet post questioning the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

===Ran Coleman Yeatts===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, found by [[Cole Smithy|Cole]] after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce
</gallery></center>

===Jerry Harmon===
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

==Marriage with [[Bob]]==
[[File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|thumb|1980 6 7 - Borb's marriage license]]
[[File:Barbara1993cropped.png|thumb|Barb c. 1993]]
Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, vividly recalled them being drunken retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|left|She never was much of a looker.]]
According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather remained in Ruckersville. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the [[14_Branchland_Court|family home]] and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>

==Treatment of Chris==

===Abuse and manipulation===
{{quote|And he told me of mom saying she was going to pack up and leave the house, then I ran downstairs, finding her on the couch; she was soo miserable and sad; she talked of Wanting to Die, "you don't even have to change my clothes, you can just bury me in what I have on." I was soo sad and crying and soo sorry for the way I misbehaved; we hugged and made up a bit.|An example of Barb's manipulation.<ref name=magfest>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#Borb vs MAGfest]]</ref>}}

Barb has had a long history of abusing and/or manipulating her children. For example, she has often used threats of suicide to guilt Chris into obeying her whims. When Bob and Chris once tried to discuss cleaning the hoard to Barb, she responded by threatening suicide.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-1-12-skylanders-imaginators-leader-christine-w-chandler-random-review-n-stuff.27570/page-9#post-2020225 </ref>
She also threatened suicide to her family during the [[Ivy]] Saga, supposedly as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/>

In an episode from 2011, when Chris failed to book himself a hotel room for [[MAGfest]], due to being broke, and planned to sleep in his car,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 29]]</ref> Barb prevented him from going by pointing out the "crime risk and chilly temperatures", threatening to lock him out of their house, claiming that she would pack up and leave, and later told him she wanted to die. After Chris folded and went to his room to cry about it, she gave him a "half-payment of a copy of DC Universe Online to make up for not allowing [him] to go".<ref name=magfest></ref> Later that year, after Chris became a [[tomgirl]], Barb tried to stop him from wearing dresses and make-up by telling him she feared he would kill her. She then ordered him to sit down, and she cut his hair<ref>Jackie E-mails 26</ref>.

It also appears that Chris's diet is not a concern for Barb.The night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and has not made a meal for Chris since then.<ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

In addition, Barb has used the specter of old age for her own gain, by manipulating Chris into thinking she will have a heart attack. This tactic has been used so often that Chris will panic and call 911 if Barb does not answer the phone when he calls her to check up on her when he is out of the house.<ref>Comments from Marvin on Kiwi Farms, gone when the site was taken down.</ref> When Barb and Chris were both arrested for [[assault and battery]], Chris was extremely worried about her health, saying in an e-mail:

{{quotebox|My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high.

I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother

Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her.}}

The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] summed up Chris's relationship with Barb:

{{quoteboxgreen|Well, I don't think they talk very much. However, no, Chris is Barb's hand servant. She screams for him and he comes running. She has him change the newspaper the dogs shit on, she has him run errands to bring her stuff, and she used to have him haul her goodwill crap to the car, and then from the car into the house.

''...''

I think Barb's yelling has gotten much less frequent nowadays. It seems like she's pretty feeble nowadays. Chris is just as scared of Barb as he used to be though. I don't think he realizes how much power he has over Barb nowadays.

They're really physically affectionate in a strange way. Chris is pretty touchy feely with women because of habits he learned by spending time with Barb.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:YAJnFcGDS9kJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

After Bob died, Barb's abuse of Chris escalated. She treated him as a slave and forced him to be on-call at all times. Around [[2013]], she forced Chris to move out of his bedroom, specifically so she could bark orders at him more efficiently, by throwing a tantrum and wrecking his possessions.

{{quoteboxgreen|a few months to a year before the fire, Chris stopped being permitted to sleep separately from Barb, in his bedroom. He had to sleep closer to Barb, because she needed to be able to yell for him to go to [[sheetz]] and buy her crap, and he wasn't able to hear her up in his bedroom. He kind of tried to resist at first, but then she got super pissed and threw a tantrum. She wrecked his room and like flipped everything over because he was trying to sleep on his own.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:YAJnFcGDS9kJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

===Financial exploitation===
{{quote|she is also being Very Annoying. “Christine, Let’s put this random good item on eBay. I REALLY Need the Money for not only my bill payments, but also, we need more food here. I am greedy too.”

“OH! You sold something of Yours? I Want $50 From That”, she is constantly pestering and bugging me. Nowadays, Nearly every time she comes downstairs to talk or chill, my Impulsive, Subconscious feeling of her presence is Cringe and “Oh, No! She’s gonna Bug Me Again of the Da** Finances Again!”|Chris<ref>[[September 2018 social media posts]]</ref>}}

===Pampering===
{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yes, dear.|Chris, addressing Barb<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>}}

<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz.
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|The second page.
</gallery>
</center>

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the manifestation of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

While both of Chris's parents are largely responsible for his current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]].

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned permanently, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she is probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch a Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''was not'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused is not that he is an absent-minded, slothful buffoon, but that he is a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she did not raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

===Spooning===
{{quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.|[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|One result of Barb's parenting choices, as explained by Chris in August 2016.]]
}}

To cap off their relationship, Chris revealed in private conversations with multiple people that Barb has spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

From [[Arthur Spatchcock]], on Chris sleeping with his mother:

{{quoteboxred|Story time, kids. Now most of us are aware of the fire; how Barb and Chris were displaced for some time while the house was getting renovated. You know how Chris was all whiny about his legos, right? Some getting melted, shit like that...well he kind of left out that his own bed was ruined as well given it had years of grease soaked into it because not bathing is so chic in his eyes. So when they got back home Chris didn't have his own bed anymore so he was sharing one with Barb instead. This came with the horrifying addendum that Barb wanted to spoon with him; I don't know if he was little spoon or big spoon but I know she was unimpressed and one night just unloaded on him angrily enough that Chris decided to get his own bed with his own money. So it goes without saying that from the time Chris and Barb got back home [[DStecks|until he got that grand]] he was sleeping in the same bed as his mother.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:BN2t1QLl1LoJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-4-11-e-begging-intensifies.19356/page-5+&cd=6&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

In August 2016, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] observed Chris and Barb in public during a court hearing:<ref>[[26 December 2014]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.}}

{{quote|I am not a "Bates". OMG. |Chris, in denial<ref>[[Misc texts]]</ref>}}

Barb's habit of cuddling with Chris had been going on since Bob was alive, and he knew of it, but, due to Barb's manipulation, he was not able to stop her.<ref>http://archive.is/zwWV9</ref> In [[August 2016]], Chris [[Honest content|admitted]] to having [[Chris and sex#Dreams of sex with Barb|incestuous fantasies about Barb]], prompting further analysis of their uncomfortably intimate relationship. Chris sometimes refers to her as [[Darling|"dear" or "darling"]], as he usually does for [[DoopieDoOver|would-be sweethearts]]. In his [[Twitch#CLog 04172018 - Buy My Toys|April 2018 Twitch stream]], when Chris got his mother to reluctantly say "[[Random-access humor|turn me loose, you silly goose]]" after hugging him, he commented that she "used to do that more [[Chris and English|flirtingly]]".

==Health problems==
===Mental===
Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be selfish and extremely narcissistic, on account of her baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances where the fault clearly lies with her. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating, but complex, topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also infamous to Christorians for her hoarding. Chris has labelled her a "pack rat",<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the consequent state of [[14 Branchland Court|their house]], although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household.<ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms completely inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[10 January 2014]], when Chris started a house fire in the morning while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the firefighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless. This was confirmed in April 2017, when Chris mentioned the laundry room contained a "mountain pile" of 20-40 bags of dirty, damaged clothing which had not been washed since the fire occurred.<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Offering The Classic shirt for $12,000 minimum]]</ref>

===Weight===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

Like Chris, Barbara has previously been [[obesity|obese]]. Around 20 years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out as the 2000s rolled along, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

However, according to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

This has continued into her old age. When she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass; probably due to her sedentary lifestyle. In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not present as very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In 2018, Chris decided to cash in on the Snorlax joke, claiming that his mother found it funny. He listed a plush Snorlax for sale on [[eBay]], at $200.

{{quote|Hey, Everyone! Those in the meme-know: the times when my mother used to be large and lazy, everyone called her a Snorlax. Well, Barbara likes the joke too, and can laugh it off as she is doing a lot better these days. So, one time only, she signed a Snorlax Plush, and YOU can own it; a 20% More Awesome Collectible. A personal Certificate or Letter of Authenticity will be included. Thank you.}}

<center>
<gallery>
Cashinginsnorlax.png
Snorlax1.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

===Holey buttocks===
In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks". It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it hardly sounds pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the [[Financhu_Crisis|low finances]] and shit!!!". Consensus was that the so-called "holey buttocks" were, in fact, lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites, rather than flies, that have burrowed into her prodigious posterior. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive by parasites other than Chris, her child whines about having to take care of her.

===Dental===
In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. In July 2016, Barb herself begged for money.<ref>[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]</ref> Chris and Barb restarted this begging for dental fees for Barb in early 2018.

===Other===
In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied the rumor.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

On 23 August 2013, Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was or what kind of treatment Barb received.

==Aging==
{{quote|They treat, they treat you very badly in there. She, she would, she, she, she would never want me to put her into a home, and I would not do that.|Chris, August 2014<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

[[File:Barb reacts to Quinn.jpg|thumb|200px|Barb, aged 76, tissue in hand, comforting Chris after [[Jessica Quinn]] broke up with him.]]

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "her time runs out", even though the latter two are not Barb's progeny.

On 13 July 2016, Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being a manipulative narcissist, was putting on an act for money. She has since re-appeared in numerous other e-begging videos from Chris, including multiple in [[August 2018]]; her appearance is frail and quite frazzled, and her sentences are often punctuated with tons of "ums" and "uhs".

[[File:Our signatures00001.png |thumb|left|Barb and Chris in March 2018, the former wearing the [[$400 gold necklace]].]]
In August 2016, [[Anna McLerran]] posted a photo on Facebook of herself and Barb together.<ref>[[:File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.]]</ref> In it, Barb appears to have aged significantly since her last appearance in the "Donations Further Requested, Please" video.

In November 2016, Barb escaped injury when she slipped and fell.<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Barb slips and falls]]</ref>

Chris has been increasingly tasked with helping Barb around the house in her elderly age. He stated in April 2017 that he was taking care-giving classes.<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]</ref> Barb is seen in [[Minor Update, Handouts!]], a begging video, in which Chris demands money because Barb drinks costly "meal replacement shakes", possibly referring to a drink such as Ensure.
{{clear}}

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Financial problems==
[[File:Barb's blankets ebay listings photos 01.jpg |Barb advertising blankets for sale in summer 2018.|thumb|250px]]
In 2016, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying [[debt]]s. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]], [[2016]], when sharp-eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. Since grave neglect of her debt was likely the cause of her being taken to court, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay $4,706.93.<ref>[[:File:Barb discover bank result.png]]</ref>

Five months later, Barb was sued again, this time by Capital One, for the same reason. The hearing in September resulted in a Default Judgement against Barb, meaning that she did not bother attending. She owes Capital One $15,906.99.<ref>[[:File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png]]</ref>

Her out-of-control debt was the catalyst for the [[Financhu Crisis]] of 2016.

In June through July of that year, Barb appeared in three videos:

*[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]]
*[[Donations Requested, Please]]
*[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]

In the videos, she and Chris beg for donations, claiming to need money for her asthma medication and dental work (although they receive a combined amount of $2,500 per month from the government<ref>[[Chris and money#But wait, Chris isn't employed!]]</ref> and their costly hoards are clearly visible behind them). See the Appearances section for more appearances by Barb.

She has failed to take accountability for ruining the family's finances, trying to pin the blame on Chris,<ref>[[Patreon announcement]]</ref> even though her known debt of over $20,000 is much larger than Chris's.

She and Chris had an inheritance from Bob worth "tens of thousands of dollars" when he passed away, but Barb decided to frivolously spend it on [[Rob Bell]] in an attempt to gain exoneration for her [[assault and battery]] charge.

In summer 2018, she joined forces with Chris in selling stuff on [[eBay]], including items from her hoard and her autographs, which some fans bought.

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|200px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

In the 2015 revisions to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris wrote out Bianca's character and replaced her with his mother.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Barb is photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Bob and the various Chus.

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|In ''Sonichu'' #12.]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Barb is in a set of pages that is a cross between Chris writing an autobiographical account of himself coming out as a tomgirl to his parents and a tribute to his late father.

Due to Chris's Oedipal complex, Barb is depicted as much more youthful than Bob, even though she was nearly 70 at the time. She expresses surprise at her son's announcement on being trans. Chris states that she was "hesitant for a long while", but "got used to my subtle and more changes".

This is a drastic understatement, as the real-life Barb tried to stop his [[tomgirl]] lifestyle in ways including suicide threats, guilt trips (by claiming that she was worried Chris would kill her), paying him to stop cross-dressing, and even ordering him to submit to a haircut. If her attitude towards him cooled, it was only out of resignation rather than acceptance. Evidence of this is when she became angry with him again after finding out that he had successfully changed his name in 2016.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-6-11-cwcville-shopping-is-on-vacation.21491/page-5#post-1518208</ref>

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Barb, pictured at left, as ''Sugar Darling'', in a [[My Little Pony|MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]].

{{clear}}

===As toys===
<center><gallery>
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form.
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]].
File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|Promo drawing for the Amiibo.
File:Barbara Anne Rosechu TSSSF card.png|As a [[TSSSF]] card. Note that Chris calls her a "redneck tomboy" and her power is to steal a shipping partner.
</gallery></center>

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming [[Chris's room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now".
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in several videos: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015.

She has most frequently appeared during the [[Financhu Crisis]].

[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|Two more]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]

In a [[Donations Further Requested, Please|video]] released on 13 July 2016, Barbara joins her son in shamelessly e-begging. Her voice tired and hoarse, mouth agape, she stares directly into the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

She resumed begging in a [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE|video]] from April 2017, in which she wears a [[$400 gold necklace]] while asking Chris's audience to give him $1,000 in exchange for his old [[Stamps|stamp album]].

She next appeared in [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]], when she walked in while Chris was recording.

After a more uploads from Chris, Barb starred another begging video uploaded on 24 May 2017, titled [[We Said Donations No Less than $1 00, US, Please]]. Chris removed the video the next day, after people threatened to report him for elder abuse.

After the last failed attempt of getting donations, Barb and Chris engaged in yet another begging video on 16 June 2017, titled [[We need immediate funds, please]]. Ironically, she wore both the [[$400 gold necklace]] and a pearl necklace.

Almost a month had passed, without any appearances from Barb. With Chris getting decent amounts of funds from his [[Patreon]] account, there no longer seemed to be a desire to beg. On 14 July 2017, she makes a small voice-only cameo in a [[Soda Awawawawa Puccho Candy Response]], screaming at him for not closing the front door. She also comments in [[Solar Eclipse Vlogs]], asking Chris if he's ready to go back inside after the eclipse ends.

Barb's first appearance on-video in 2018 was in [[Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)]]. She appeared a couple of weeks later in [[Our signatures]] to demonstrate that her signature, a key selling point in the comic sales, was real. On 9 April, Barb appeared for the seventh time during the Financhu Crisis to beg in [[Buy Our Things off of my eBay to help us, Please.]]

On 16 April, a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests|bizarre video of a few seconds of Barb standing in a doorway]] was posted to the [[CWCki Club]]. On the 17th, she appeared as a guest on Chris's [[Twitch]] stream.

On 8 May, Barb appeared in [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!]]. Two days later, Barb appeared in [[May 2018 Paid Video Requests|paid videos giving shout-outs to school shooters Nicholas Cruz and Adam Lanza]].

She watched Chris spray-paint his shoes (and his bedroom carpet) in [[Shoe Colouring]], sitting in the same room with poor ventilation.

In summer 2018, she appears in multiple videos to promote her partnership with Chris's eBay business: [[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW.]], [[Barbara Chandler will be making out autographed photos and posters.]] and [[Barbara’s Blankets]]. She then begged for her car payment money in [[Mother needs a car payment]].

[[Barb confirms she isn't dead]] was her next appearance, a rare non-begging video.

Chris (possessed by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]) got Barb to appear on camera in [[Watching TF2 Analysis Anarchy Red Vs Blue Part 3]] (12 June 2020).

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when ''[[The Simpsons]]'' went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pal]]s, at the prom.
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Barb, evolved into Snorlax.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
Image:Barb 2016.JPG|During 2016.
File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.
File:Chandlers.Png|Barb and Chris. Barb is interrupting Chris during a live [[YouTube]] stream.
File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|Barb's signature on a Certificate of Authenticity, included with [[2018 Sales Listings|the purchase of one of Cole's comics]].
Barb autograph photo listing.jpg|Barb with autographed photo of herself
File:Chris's 37th birthday 2.jpg|Barb during Chris's 37th birthday.
File:BarbPhoto20Aug.jpg|[[August 2019]].
File:Barb 11-19-2019.jpg|Barb in [[November 2019]].
File:Barbjune2020.jpg|Barb during [[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#Watching_TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_3|a livestream]] in [[June 2020]]
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> (dead link)

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Attraction Sign

2020-08-24T14:59:53Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|Chris, talking in third person.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]

The '''Attraction Sign''' was used by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Incredibly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting sex with a piece of cardboard has not enticed any ladies to date.

An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman",<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref> but more information about Chris (and demands about his partner) soon found their way onto the Sign.
__TOC__

==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original Sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and amusing of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign.]]
[[File:Chris holding sign.jpg|thumb|The sign in the field.]]
:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE 18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s face][[Chris and copyright|©]] ➨
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''

Chris had other ideas beyond Signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''

==The Sign in College==
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]]

Many variations on the Sign were produced when Chris was in college, chiefly because [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. During this time, Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new Signs and plastering them all over campus - only to be torn down in turn by Mary.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref> Regardless of Mary's efforts, the Sign required updating annually, since the requisite age of the [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] was invariably 18 to whatever Chris' age was at the time.

The attraction sign shows a truly desperate time in Chris' life, where he advertised his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] in the same way you would [[Craigslist#Son-Chu II|advertise selling a car]].

<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls, written by his [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc|evil twin]].
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
</gallery></center>

==Hiatus==
Discouraged by Barb, Chris retired the Sign proper some time before August 2009:

{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}

In spite of this, the Sign would soon make its return in various incarnations.

==Return of the Sign==

In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "'''I Enjoy Vagina'''" and an exposed [[Muscle bra|bra]] saying "'''Want Woman!'''" over [[Obesity|his large gut]], a lazy and frank form of the Sign.<ref name="FAF">[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While this display is (even) less pleasant and more direct than the original Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out-of-touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.

A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract an unfortunate woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and ''throwing it at her''. Combined with the earlier "'''Want Woman!'''" tactic, this caused some [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to devolve into some sort of caveman.

Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris had reverted to the original-style Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that children shouldn't be exposed to him in his [[sports bra]].

On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new Sign that read "[[Homos|'''Friendly and Flirty Man Zone''']]".<ref name="FAF"/> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what seems to be a misguided attempt to look fun and cool.

In a February 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he plans to wear a Sign around his neck that says, "'''If you like me, tell me!'''"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>. Whether or not he actually did this was never documented, but knowing Chris this was certainly not an idle threat.

==Comeback==
[[File:Okcupid 8 jul 2014 4.jpg|thumb|Attraction Sign as of July 2014]]
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status revealed that Chris plans to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]]

{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#I have decided]]</ref>}}

He later revealed in another note that he was lying in a baffling attempt to "troll the trolls".<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref>

==OkCupid and the Sign in 2014==

On [[July 2014]], Chris made a new [[OkCupid]] account, which resulted in a few new photos of him in full [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]] regalia. One horrifying picture shows Chris looking 20 years older than he is and brandishing a new Sign (made out of [[Legos]]) stating "'''HEY LADIES I'M SINGLE PLEASE ASK ME OUT'''". It is unknown if he uses or intends to use this new Sign in public (physically speaking; his OkCupid profile was a public site).<ref>[[OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile]]</ref>

===Chris's Concession===

Chris's 2014 OkCupid account also revealed the fact that he has finally conceded to raise the minimum age of his [[heartsweet]], up to 23, probably having realised the minimum age of 18 was becoming [[Pedofork|very inappropriate]]. However, 23 is still a large disparity with Chris' age when he wrote it (32) and he still absurdly demands his sweetheart be younger than himself, even though he clearly wants them to serve largely as his [[Barbara Chandler|mother figure]].

==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Business card]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Anchuent Prophecy

2020-08-24T14:57:43Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Wise|Finé, the antagonist from [[anime]] series ''Symphogear'', created this prophecy,<ref>[[The Bad Beginning]] chatlogs</ref> and those who disobey it are cursed with [[Homos|AIDS]].<ref>The [[:File:ProphecyTCGCard.jpg|modified prophecy]], as seen in a [[TSSSF]] card, 2019.</ref>}}

[[File:Anch.PNG|thumb|200px|Sonichu, Chris and the cavekeeper are shocked by the Prophecy's idiocy.]]

[[File:ProphecyTCGCard.jpg|thumb|200px|As a [[TSSSF]] card featuring lore written by the Idea Guys.]]

The '''Anchuent Prophecy''' (pronounced [ˈeɪnʃuɛnt], "AIN-shoo-ent"<ref>[[Sonichu 3 Official Videobook]]</ref>) of the [[Cherokian Clan]] is one of the central plot points of the entire ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' series, often being cited to explain many fantastical developments in the story. Primarily, the prophecy explains why Christian Chandler and every other human being in the comic can transform into furries. While the prophecy originally concerned [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]], [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah]], and [[Wes Iseli|Wes]]'s relationship, as the series progressed all non-Chris details were essentially ignored or forgotten. The prophecy is also important because it renders [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (the supposed main character of the comic) even more pointless, firmly establishing him as simply the "electric creature", whose only purpose is to help Chris unlock superpowers for himself. Well, ''more'' superpowers, as he was already capable of using [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Satanic Voodoo Powers]].

Long thought to be a typo, its consistency has eventually led to the realization that it's probably supposed to be a "[[Pikachu]]" pun. Why or how the Cherokee would make a pun on the English word "ancient" and the Japanese word "chu" (onomatopoeia for "squeak") is unclear.
==The prophecy==
===Original prophecy: Christian, Wes and Sarah, the destined trio===

[[File:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Chris-Chan Sonichu, Wes-Li Sonichu and Saramah Rosechu, the three [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|electric creatures]] of the prophecy.]]

The prophecy was brought to light when [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] happened upon the Destiny Cave, prompting the old man dwelling there to remark that Sonichu was "the creature of the prophecy." Learning that it was his destiny to enter the cave and learn of the prophecy, Chris accompanied Sonichu back to the cave, where he learned that Sonichu had inadvertently set off events releasing [[Count Graduon]], an evil spirit locked away for centuries by the Cherokee and Wasabi clans.

The prophecy, according to the keeper of the Destiny Cave, is as follows:

{{quote|It was prophecized by the ancient masters that [[Christian Weston Chandler|the reincarnation]] of [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|our leader]] will [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|take pen in hand]] to combine a [[Pikachu|mouse]] and a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]], and give birth to [[Sonichu (character)|a new electric creature]]! Then the leader will place his hand-made [[medallion]] on the pedestal, and [[comeuppance|release]] the powers that were [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|his]]! As well as his [[Saramah Rosechu|lady's]] and [[Wes-Li Sonichu|rival's]] powers. The powers will transform you all into the electric creatures, with variable powers of good, bad, and peace! Also, [[Count Graduon|an evil]] will strike the day the original electrical creature finds the cave; only the released powers can defeat the evil!}}

Yes, that's right: the act of Chris and Sonichu showing up at the cave to hear about the prophecy in the first place is what allows the evil to escape. If they had just sealed up the damn cave there wouldn't have been any problem, but that would also mean Chris wouldn't gain the ability to turn into a furry.

Recognizing that the ancient evil could only be defeated by powers at his command, Chris fulfilled his part of the prophecy by placing his Sonichu medallion on the pedestal, allowing the old man to say the incantation that would activate the medallion as well as the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets. These three totems would now give their rightful bearers the power to become electric hedgehogs like Sonichu. The reincarnation of the Cherokian king, Christian, could now become [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. The reincarnation of his queen, Sarah Hammer, received the Lightning Bracelets and became [[Saramah Rosechu]]. The leader of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who had been Cherokian leader's romantic rival, was now Chris's rival [[Wes Iseli]], and so he accepted the Fireshock Pendant and became [[Wes-Li Sonichu]].

Initially the three prophecized electric creatures were unaware of one another's human identities, until Wes-Li attacked Chris-Chan out of spite for issues both in real life (their mutual interest in Sarah Hammer's affections) and the fictitious ancient past (the ownership of the Cherokian crown). The prophecy would go on to accurately describe how Saramah would have to bring peace to Wes-Li and Chris-Chan so that they could present a united front against Graduon.

It should be noted that they never actually did stop Graduon at all. The three of them teamed up temporarily to defeat a stone golem under Graduon's command, whilst Graduon himself left with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to start running the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]. Sarah ran off with William Spicer and got married,<ref>[[Sonichu 5#Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"]]</ref> while Wes actually ended up joining Graduon's evil organization,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_37 - Wes is seen sitting at the table</ref> though there is no explanation of his reasons for defection to the enemy [[Chris and Writing|'''at all''']]. Both these things came to pass because Sarah got married in real life and Chris developed an interest in a [[Megan|new, unfortunate girl]], and since Sarah being out of the picture left Wes obsolete, he was simply made into a generic villain. Thus, in spite of the prophecy, Chris is left alone to fight Graduon and an army of [[Jerkops|his followers]], essentially making the other two completely useless and the prophecy a failure.

===Extended prophecy: Crystal, the dream sibling===
[[File:Crystalina Rosechu.jpg|thumb|100px|left|Crystalina Rosechu, the fourth electric creature of the prophecy.]]

When Chris was ambushed by the [[W-M-Manajerk]] at [[McDonalds|M-C-D-Ville]] in the region of [[Mal-Wart]], he received another vision of his Cherokian ancestor advising him to combine the powers of Chris-Chan Sonichu with the [[Heart Torch]] he constructed from [[Pixelblocks]]. In this way Chris would be able to summon his dream sibling, who could assist him in the battle. Following his ancestor's instructions, Chris used Heart-Torch Glow to manifest his identical twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] and the Rosechu medallion she could use to become [[Crystalina Rosechu]]. Joining forces as [[Chris-Chan Pure]], they defeated the W-M-Manajerk and made the city safe again.
{{-}}

===Fine print of the prophecy: Reldnahc, the ultimate dark being===
[[File:083-ReldnahcHeTaque.jpg|thumb|120px|Reldnahc Ha-Taque, the ''fifth'' electric creature of the prophecy.]]

{{quote|When the original medal is submerged in darkness, the dark medal will appear, and he who's name is reverse, will transform into the ultimate dark being.}}

This additional detail in the prophecy which was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in later went unnoticed by Christian, much to his dismay when he learned that his mishap in Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]] allowed Naitsirhc Giovanni to transform into [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], one of his deadliest enemies. Once again this is an example of the prophecy fucking over more people than it helped, since if Reldnahc really was the "ultimate dark being", then that logically makes him an even bigger threat than Graduon, who the prophecy was made to defeat in the first place. Also note that the prophecy does not actually guarantee that Reldnahc would be defeated at all, even though he eventually was in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']]. It's only thanks to [[Colossal Chan|narrative magic]] that Chris ever actually managed to defeat all the numerous enemies that the prophecy actually ''created'', that wouldn't have terrorized the world in the first place if he had just left well enough alone.

Also, the original prophecy was spoken aloud to Chris by the keeper of the Destiny Cave. How there could be "fine print" at all when it was spoken and not written on paper is never explained. The only sensible conclusion is that the keeper either mumbled that part under his breath or [[Trolling|just decided to not tell Chris that part at all]]. How Reldnahc actually knows about that detail or the prophecy either is also a complete mystery.

{{-}}

===Completely unexplained part of the prophecy: Some brown guy===
[[File:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|left|IBAChandler, the... sixth?]]

Enter IBAChandler. He's a [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] character based on [[Liquid Chris]] who appeared in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. He works for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] and fought in the Battle of [[CWCville]]. He showed up in Electric Hedgehog form for about two pages and was curb stomped by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in a matter of minutes. When he was defeated, he then suddenly transformed into a human, much like Chris or the other transforming Sonichus do upon being defeated. Then, just as Sonichu calls in an ambulance to have him taken to hospital, he is grabbed by the tentacles of a gang of [[Devil Trolls]] and carried off to safety. Apparently Devil Trolls are tiny goblin-like demonic entities, some of which can fly. The paramedics speculate that he was in alliance with them. So, who is this guy? Why does he have such powers? Why is he working for PVCC? Why is he allied with Devil Trolls? What's his story? What's his motive? How does he factor into the prophecy? Is he human? Is he [[Beel|the devil]]? Why does he [[Chris and his Ego|care about stealing Chris's identity]]? Why did he try to fight Sonichu? '''NONE''' of these questions are answered. Are you surprised?

==The prophecy becomes (even more) irrelevant==
In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's medallion is taken from him by [[Beel]], mirroring the real-life interception of the medallion by trolls. He then "learns" that the source of his power comes not from the medallion but from his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. The ring is, of course, never mentioned in the prophecy, and indeed it is specified that he requires the medallion. The reader is expected to digest all this information without any cognitive dissonance.

== References ==
<references/>
==See also:==
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Queen of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Wasabi Rival]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Wasabi Clan]]
*[[Cherokian Crown]]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes-Li Sonichu]]
*[[Saramah Rosechu]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend

2020-08-24T14:57:02Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

"'''All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend'''" is a music video filmed by [[Chris]] on 20 December [[2004]] to promote his [[Love Quest]]. It is the earliest known music video that Chris has made.

The rare B-side follows his performance of "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", which he begins singing shortly before the five-minute mark. It is noteworthy for being the earliest known footage of Chris wearing both his [[clown shirt]] and one of his [[medallions]].

==Video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl/All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6azwhe8xhVI}}
| stardate = 20 [[December 2004]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Galpals|text}}, {{Other|[[Noviophobia]]}}, {{Other|[[C-Mas]]}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only]]
| next = [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004]]
}}</center>

==Transcript==
Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler. Age 22 at this time. I will be 23 on February 24, [[2005]]. Anyway, for, uh, over a year now I've, uh, being trying to attract an 18 to 22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl]], 18 to 21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been trying for over a year to attract a girl, boyfriend-free girl, and I have failed.

[''sits down'']

And, you know, when you get -- when you have so much -- so many failures in this time... you can't help but feel sad, you know? [''begins to pet a stuffed cat sitting on the pillow''] And depressed... and here it is about [[Christmas#2004|Christmastime]], and... well, all I want for Christmas is a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. And of course, uh, during the time, I have uh, been, uh, trying... I have written a few songs about my, uh, love quest. And so, for now -- for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh -- two of my, two of my songs. First one I'm gonna sing is one I've uh, made up first -- written my own lyrics to and t-- turned it into a song.

By the way, this here is [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. You can look him up on the web. It's my website. Just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term.

Anyway, here's my first song called "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]." [''performs song''] The next song..."All I Want for Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend".

[''sung over "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"'']

:All I want for Christmas is a pretty girlfriend!
:A pretty girlfriend! A pretty girlfriend!
:All I want for Christmas is a pretty girlfriend,
:So that I can be much happier!

:All I want for… [''pauses to wipe brow''] is a girlfriend,
:But she has to be 18 to 22!
:And she must be boyfriend-''freeee'', too!
:Uh, for all the qualities, check out my profile on [[match.com]]!

:All I want for Christmas is a pretty girlfriend!
:A pretty girlfriend! A pretty girlfriend!
:All I want for Christmas is a pretty girlfriend,
:So that I won't be so lonely!

:Oh, the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|boyfriend-free factor is so high]]!
:How many boyfriends are paired up with a girl?
:You can't tell how many—what the girlfriends are paired up or not,
:Which is the reason why I cannot approach women!

:All I want for Christmas is a pretty girlfriend!
:A pretty girlfriend! A pretty girlfriend!
:All I want for Christmas is a pretty girlfriend,
:Now and forever-''mooorrre!''

[''after completing his own lyrics, turns it off''] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is, that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me a pretty girlfriend. And so, happy holidays, from me, Christian Chandler--by the way, you can call me Chris...in public--and, thank you.

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QYx7ezt1_HU}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = All I want for Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]].
}}</center>

==See also:==
*[[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]]
*[[So Need a Cute Girl]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Kimmi]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]

{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

Adult Swim posts

2020-08-24T14:56:28Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

On 3 February 2005, Chris registered an account on the [[Adult Swim]] message boards and began making a series of '''posts'''.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20100117105030/http://boards.adultswim.com/adultswim/profile?user.id=399954 https://web.archive.org/web/20100117105030/http://boards.adultswim.com/adultswim/profile?user.id=399954]</ref> In the spring of 2009, a member of his fanbase discovered this account. Below are all of Chris's posts, edited only for wiki formatting and links for clarification.

His response to ''Robot Chicken'' is particularly interesting. Not only does Chris describe his Sonichu comics as a [[parody]] when they are nothing of the sort, [[autism|he also has no idea how to react to a genuine parody, even of the simplest and most obvious kind.]]

Not long after its discovery, the account was hacked. The perpetrator posted a few messages and a new signature using Chris's identity, and abandoned the account on 13 April 2009. All the 2009 posts below are, unfortunately, not the TRUE and HONEST words of Chris.
==Chris's Posts==
===Chris colors his DVD cover (February 2005)===
Chris introduces himself, assuming everyone will know who he is and that Adult Swim will be interested in his shitty coloring.
{{quotebox|Hey AS, this is Christian Chandler. I've enjoyed your fun programming...except [[Wikipedia:Aqua Teen Hunger Force|ATHF]]. Other than that, I've purchased [[Wikipedia:The Brak Show|the Brak Show]] Volume 1 DVD Set, and I colored it in, and put my signiture on it. If you show the images on AS Thursdays, please also mention my Sonichu Site! Check it out on http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is my [[Pokémon|Pokemon]], just so you know.

I am unable to insert the images, but you all can access them at <nowiki>http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/BrakColor1.jpg</nowiki> and <nowiki>http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/BrakColor2.jpg</nowiki>}}
{{quotebox|In addition to my previous post, you may need to type the adress to the image instead of clicking on them. sorry.}}

===Chris complains about ''Robot Chicken'' (February 2005)===
Chris complains about logical fallacies in ''Robot Chicken'', an insipid fast-paced [[parody]] show that clearly has nothing to do with the original media it parodies.
{{quotebox|I've just watched the 1st episode of [[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]], and I most enjoyed the [[Transformers]] portion of the episode. Only a few things about it seem wierd ''[sic]'' to me... If Optimus was "Taking a leak," shouldn't he have expelled transmission fluid, and later have found OIL in it, not blood. Also, "Killed 50 humans?" I've been a fan of Transformers my whole life, so I know what I'm saying here; the Autobots care more for the humans than that, so they shouldn't have cheered for something so sad. Also, I'd really hope to see more Transformers segments int furure episodes of Robot Chicken. Here's a suggestion for a future segment... Megatron shoots Bumblebee, causing major bodily injury. Then Optimus tends to sue Megatron. And he hires Starscream for his lawer. That's just crazy, huh? Roll out, Autobots!}}
Note: The ''Robot Chicken'' segment Chris was referring to was most likely [http://www.adultswim.com.au/video/458456/junk-in-the-trunk-clip-5 this].

===Chris on his Harvey Birdman contest entry (April 2005)===
Chris vents his ire about his terrible Harvey Birdman entry not having won.
{{quotebox|'''I Detest the [[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman|Harvey Birdman]] Commercial!'''
Well, I do! :smileymad: My entry was very dramatic, and a lot BETTER than that piece of poo, or any of the others that made the top 5 as well! I'm very upset about that!

My "[[Harvey Birdman Commercial|CWC's Harvey Birdaman Spot]]" was [[Chris and his Ego|the BEST]], and I feel sorry for you, Adult Swim, for not noticing that! You all should take another good look at it and seriously reconsider!}}

===Chris on ''Crayon Shin-chan'' and ''The Super Milk Chan Show'' (August 2006)===
Chris complains about the extremely tame and cartoonish male nudity in Shin-Chan, then demands sexy underage girls in the next sentence. He also sees fit to make a timetable recommendation and signs off elaborately.
{{quotebox|I watched the first [[Wikipedia:Crayon Shin-chan|Shin-Chan]] last night; it was funny (but the [[Nudes|boy nudity]] is TOO MUCH). If anything you should bring in more [[anime]] with [[Pedofork|very-close-to-nude girls]].

Speaking of which, [[Wikipedia:The Super Milk Chan Show|Milk-Chan]] to me sounds somewhat similar to Shin-Chan due to that they are both [[Christian Weston Chandler|silly and loud brats]]. You should consider putting the two shows back-to-back on weeknights, and call the one-hour block the Adult Kid's Meal.

Sincerely,

Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate.}}

===Chris on Custom [[My Little Pony|My Little Ponies]] (29 August 2006)===
Chris's [[autism]] and obsession with MLP collide with a demand to know what the "Un-Cutie Marks" were in a shitty claymation sketch that spanned a few seconds.
{{quotebox|'''The "Un-Cutie" Marks of the Apocolypse Ponies...'''
I've noticed that many people like to make their oun custom ponies; [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Green]] is one of them. But I couldn't really make out the Un-Cutie Marks of each of the ponies. Can I see what they looked like?

If they can't be bought, someone else will make one of their own.

[www.custompony.com]}}

Note: When Chris said "Seth Green makes custom ponies" he most likely was referring to [http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/apocalypse-pony.html this] ''Robot Chicken'' segment.

===Chris on his Meatwad Guitar (5 May 2008)===
Having said he doesn't like ATHF prior, Chris brags about something he personally crafted based on a character from the show.
[[File:Meat.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's Meatwad guitar.]]
{{quotebox|'''Meatwad's Ax, Only on Playstation 3'''
Check it out, I've been wanting to do it since [[Wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band]] came out, and finally I get a seperate ''[sic]'' [[Guitar]] to make into [[Wikipedia:Meatwad|Meadwad]]'s Shreddful Guitar (copy and paste links).

<nowiki>http://a628.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/m_c65ca2d3baf6b2042ec125597edae583.jpg</nowiki>

<nowiki>http://a496.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/73/mc09e01d4ad5e4c0c66823f48b2fa3307.jpg</nowiki>

<nowiki>http://a614.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/112/mee33414077e472f5e28199d65d222185.jpg</nowiki>

<nowiki>http://a354.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/101/mbe25ba399ff788ea45f592bcd3bc0b79.jpg</nowiki>
----
Hey Sonichu Fans check out my website at [[CWC's_Sonichu_Site!#cwcville.com (April 2009 - May 2009)|cwcville.com]] }}

==Troll Posts==
These posts were made by trolls impersonating Chris. Reasonably convincing except for the [[Chris and Writing|British spelling]].
[[Image:ASforumavatar.jpg|thumb|right||Chris's avatar after his account was hacked by trolls.]]
===Spamming the "Holding Out for a Hero" music video (11 April 2009)===
{{quotebox|I've recently made my own music video of "Holding Out For a Hero sang by Bonnie Tyler, It's dedicated to my current sweetheart [[Ivy]]. What does everyone think about it(I believe it turned out pretty great if I do say so myself). [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7XrVgM5E6Y&feature=channel_page]]}}

In response to claims that this may not be the real Christian Weston Chandler, the troll replied in this thread:

{{quotebox|Hey, let me tell you THIS is not a JOKE, this is a sendout to my beloved sweatheart and one of my Favourite of songs. Also no troll could pose as me on this site, unless they made this account AT LEAST 4 years ago.}}
{{quotebox|Maybe you do suspect my account has been hacked but that is little more than just your INTERPRETATION of the situation. From my side of things I can TRULY and HONESTLY say that I have not been hacked, With god on my side I do not kid you when I say that I am the TRUE and REAL Christian Weston Chandler.

I do admit things like my old websites were hacked, but I've Learned from that mistake and increased my Password strength accoridngly.}}

===Chris on his [[heart level]] (12 April 2009)===
{{quotebox|My heart has been broken down to 15% before. I was trying to get a 18- to my age year old sweetheart at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|my college]] when [[Mary Lee Walsh|MARY LEE WALSH]] ripped up the [[Attraction sign|SIGNS]] I used that said "I'm a single guy looking for a 18- to my year old [[boyfriend-free girl]]". My heart was shattered down to 15% until I met [[Hanna|a girl]] and it went back up to 100% but it was a JOKE being pulled on ME so at the end of our mini-date at the [[McDonald's|macdonalds]] she said it was just a joke. That Brought my Heart down to 10%.}}

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Historical Documents]]

14 November 2009

2020-08-24T14:55:48Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

In "'''14 November 2009'''" (officially "'''11142009'''"), Chris announces that he has fulfilled his promise to upload a [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] comic to [[CWCipedia]], denies that he has any ads on Craigslist, demands to be put in contact with the people who run Craigslist, and claims he has someone on the inside who knows [[Clyde Cash]]'s personal information.

His remarks concerning Craigslist may have been inspired by an ad posted to the Charlottesville [[Craigslist]] site, claiming that a huge collection of video games, electronics, and other items was being liquidated at [[14 Branchland Court]]. The ad did not include an e-mail address or phone number, but advised would-be buyers to simply drive up and make a deal. Whether anyone actually came by Chris's house to try and relieve him of his possessions isn't clear. The ad was quickly flagged and deleted from the site.

The video skips regularly, likely due to Chris's camera being repeatedly [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|abused]].

Once again, Chris's [[Plush Breasts|pair of fake tits]] makes a conspicuous appearance, this time in the lower left corner of the shot.

'''Official description:''' [none]

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = 14 November 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|257PN-PeKkM}}
| stardate = 14 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| style =
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| previous = [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]
| next = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]
}}

{{quote|I'm coming after you, man. I'm getting your information. I have... a person on the inside.}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris stands a medium distance from the camera, wearing his [[medallion]] and displaying the [[Amnyfest Ring]]'']

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate: November 14th, 2009.

Alright, well just a couple things—just a couple quickie things to update about. I will hold true to my promise, and dr—and, uh, upload it—upload a page at least—more if I feel like it in a day—on a daily basis on [[CWCipedia]], starting today. The, uhh, pit—the current page for today will have been uploaded by time this video is up and onto the CWCi—onto the CWCipedia.

And, uhh, let's see... secondly, there—I—I currently and have not had, any ads on ''Craiglist'', se—for selling anything, or honoring anything, at the time. So... anybody who sees such ads that, uhh, pertain to, uhh, my home address, my home phone number, my or my mother and my father's names, please flag it as... spam... or... something-like-that, 'cuz it's fake-at-the-time. Unless I say s—unless I say it's specifisly—specifically say it's legit, on the CWCipedia or here on this [[YouTube]] account, do not believe it. And, also, my father—I would like the, uhh, phone number for, uhh, to get in contact with the people behind Craigslist, so that we can straighten-out that mess and prevent... frauds.

And, also, final—on the final note, [[Clyde Cash]], I'm getting your information! I'm coming after you, man. I'm getting your information. I have... a person on the inside. So you bes—so, you best fal—you just fall back. Get off the Internet. Stay off the Internet. ''Son [of] a bitch!''

[''he flips the bird at the camera'']

And, uhh, just a reminder [''curls his fingers into the [[Claw of Fail]]'']: I hold name [[copyright]]—[[Lies|''legitimate''!]]—just as I have said in my recent video. And p—and the paperwork's on the CWCipedia, ''with the envelope'', from the Virginia Library of Congress.

So, anyhow, I'll leave that with everyone—err, that with y'all, and y'all have a safe and pleasant day. Thank you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]|nextlink=[[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-14]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-11-14]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2009-11-14]]

2007

2020-08-24T14:54:56Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Honest}}

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris in '''2007'''.]]
[[Image:S2007.JPG|thumb|Graph showing the Google-popularity of the terms ''Sonichu'' (blue) and ''Christian Weston Chandler'' (red). 2007 is marked in [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|Mellow Yellow]].]]
[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|On '''11 November 2007''', Chris felt uploading a [[She Came for CWC|drawing of him fingering]] [[Megan Schroeder|his best friend]] was the best way to protest the creation of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] page.]]
[[Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|thumb|On '''11 February 2007''', Chris made a [[DVD]] about himself.]]
[[Image:SoulCalibur3box.jpg|thumb| On '''8 May 2007''', [[Mary Lee Walsh]] gets it in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''.]]
[[Image:CWCinDailyProgressJuly142007.jpg|thumb|'''July 2007''']]
[[Image:Chrischannov2007.jpg|thumb|On '''26 October 2007''', this picture is taken at [[The GAMe PLACe]].]]
[[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|One of the images Chris drew on '''11 November 2007'''.]]

'''2007''': '''the year we made contact'''.

The second half of the year 2007 shows some important developments within [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s life.

Firstly, Chris enters and loses the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]], leaving him disillusioned and enraged.

Secondly, he discovers a satirical page written about him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. These two injustices lead Chris into a bitter, long and frustrated [[rage]], eventually giving spark to certain deep, complex and mysterious aspects of madness within his person, that, when revealed, would prove to be a decisive factor leading to obsessive [[troll]]ing in [[2008]].

==Events of 2007==

===February===
* February 11 - Christian makes the cover for his [[Chris's DVD|"I'm on TV" DVD]].
* February 19 - Christian starts making the slideshow for his DVD.
* February 21 - Chris sends [[Chris emails 2007#February|an email]] to [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Ms. Sanford]], his middle school teacher, telling her about how his life has been.
* February 22 - Christian finishes the slideshow.
* February 24 - Christian's 25th [[birthday]]. A party is thrown at what appears to be The GAMe PLACe.
* February 24 - Chris releases his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"future message"]].

===March===
* March 4 - Chris sends an email to his half-brother [[Cole]] in an attempt to reconnect with him. He asks if he'd like a copy of his new [[DVD]].
* March 5 - Chris draws (the cover of) [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].
* March 5 - Chris apologizes to [[Megan]] for criticizing her story ideas.
* March 6 - Megan tells Chris not to draw her animal characters with breasts.
* March 6 - In response to an email from Chris about the DVD, [[Cole Smithey]] expresses his disdain for [[Barbara]] and [[Bob]].
* March 6 - Chris cashes in his first [[My Coke Rewards]] points, beginning a campaign that will see him consume more than 2,500 bottles worth of Coke.
* March 10 - Chris buys the Officer Nasty Fantasy Doll and "The Best of Amateur Angels".
* March 17 - Chris realizes that he is able to afford a 60GB Playstation 3, so he goes out and invests in one.
* March 18 - Chris bids on a used copy of Mortal Kombat Advance (for the Game Boy Advance) on eBay.
* March 26 - Chris posts to his [[PSN Blogs]], complaining about the [[PS3]].
* March 29 - Chris makes a few more posts to his PSN Blogs, leaving some of the same complaints he did on the 26th.

===April===
* April 24 - ''[[Pokémon]] Diamond and Pearl'' are released in the US.
* April 26 - Chris posts to his [[PSN Blogs]], claiming he is looking forward to the [[Adult Swim]] games featuring the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] and [[Harvey Birdman]].
* April 30 - [[Megan]] tells Chris for the umpteenth time to stop touching her, and says she is only a little annoyed.

===May===
* May 1 - Chris creates a [[Soul Calibur#Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh|video]] of himself beating up [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in ''[[Soul Calibur]]''.
* May 7 - Chris tells [[Megan]] he's also created a video depicting her fighting in ''[[Soul Calibur]]''.
* May 8 - Christian creates his first [[YouTube]] account and uploads his Mary Lee Walsh ''Soul Calibur'' video.

===June===
* June - Chris stops working as a volunteer assistant Gym Leader at [[The Game Place]].
* June 4 - [[Megan]] tells Chris about her infatuation with a video game character.
* June 6 - [[Megan]] leaves for Kentucky.
* June 6 - Ran Coleman Yeatts, Cole's biological father, dies.
* June 15 - Chris makes a few posts to his [[PSN Blogs]], complaining about the game Go Puzzle, and announcing he has found a way to play [[Guitar Hero]] on the [[PS3]].
* June 27 - Christian states that he is saddened, as Megan has left for Kentucky. He misses her.
* June 27 - Christian cries with his [[Barb|mother]] whilst thinking of [[Patti]] the dog.
* June 28 - Chris sends another email to [[Megan]] discussing Patti and video games.
* June 29 - Christian makes his ''PaRappa the Rapper'' video and enters [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]].

===July===
* July 3 - Chris sends another email to [[Megan]] in which he chats about his activities at [[The Game Place]] and says he misses her.
* July 4 - Chris sees the new [[Transformers]] movie with his [[mother]].
* July 6 - Chris fills in Megan about new [[Soul Calibur]] cards and says he misses her.
* July 7 - Christian buys a Velvet Touch masturbator, a Silicone Superstud Power Ring and a Titanium 5-Star Video Collection.
* July 11 - Chris again writes to Megan to discuss video games.
* July 14 - Chris goes to a rummage sale with his [[mother]] and tells [[Megan]] all about it.
* July 14 - Chris is featured in the [[:File:CWCinDailyProgressJuly142007.jpg|Daily Progress]] section of his local newspaper.
* July 15 - Chris tells Megan about a [[Spanish]] soap opera and problems with his ear.
* July 16 - Chris buys himself an [[Officer Nasty]] Love Doll (in contrast to the Fantasy Doll bought in March), A&E Hot Action Lotion in Strawberry, "Carmen & Friends", "The Perfect Secretary" and a "Wicked Hot Pics Photo CD".
* July 18 - Chris hears his PaRappa video has made it to the final rounds. He is overjoyed. He emails Megan that he wants her to accompany him to Seattle if he wins.
* July 20 - Chris sends [[Chris emails 2007#July|an email]] to Susan Hannifan, a counselor at [[PVCC]], telling her to vote for him in the PaRappa contest.
* July 20 - Chris also sends an email to [[Cole]] requesting his vote as well.
* July 21 - Cole responds to Chris with more hostility towards their parents. Chris tries flattery to persuade Cole to vote for him in the contest.
* July 21 - Chris updates [[CWC's Pokésite 2|El PokéSite de RWC 2]] and "CWC's Vroom-A-Zoom!," his [[Hot Wheels]] site, to tell people to vote for him in the PaRappa contest.
* July 21 - Someone leaves a cryptic negative comment on Chris's [[MySpace]] page.
* July 22 - [[Anna]] tells Chris she voted for his PaRappa video and wishes him good luck.
* July 23 - Megan's 21st birthday. She is still in Kentucky, and Chris misses her.
* July 23 - Susan Hannifan responds to Chris's email and says she will vote for him in the contest.
* July 23 - Chris makes a post to the [[PSN Blogs]], urging people to vote for him in the PaRappa contest.
* July 23 - Cole tells Chris that he'll vote for him if he can find out the name of his real father. Chris responds that according to their mother, it's Jack Dale Smithey.
* July 24 - Cole tells Chris that their mother is lying about the name of his biological father.
* July 28 - Chris fills Megan in about his activities at [[The Game Place]] and again shares his fantasy about going to Seattle with her.
* July 31 - The polls for the PaRappa contest close.
* July 31 - Chris makes several posts to the [[PSN Blogs]], urging people to vote before the polls close, and wording his anxiousness.

===August===
* August 1 - Chris makes a few posts to the [[PSN Blogs]], talking about PS3 and his wish to be able to understand Japanese.
* August 2 - Chris updates [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].
* August 3 - [[Adam Stackhouse]] wins the PaRappa the Rapper Contest.
* August 3 - Christian immediately sends an enraged e-mail to [[Sony]]. He is furious because he didn't get the opportunity to impress Megan.
* August 3 - In an e-mail to Megan, Christian admits to cheating to win the PaRappa the Rapper Contest.
* August 4 - Christian writes another angry letter to Sony, explaining why the other contestants should be disqualified.
* August 4 - Chris curses Adam Stackhouse in his [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]], which results in an admin serving him with a (probably one month) ban.
* August 5 - Chris informs Megan that he has complained to Sony about the rule violations by Adam Stackhouse and other contestants.
* August 6 - Chris updates [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]
* August 7 - Chris apologizes to Megan for supposedly calling her his girlfriend in the PaRappa Contest, and professes his love for her.
* August 8 - Megan sends Christian an angry letter, complaining about him touching her. She says she is happy he lost the contest. According to Chris: "It hurt so fucking much, it took me weeks to recover."
* August 8 - Christian apologizes to Megan for "touching" her.
* August 8 - Chris sends yet another e-mail to Sony, apologizing for his anger, but still thinks he has won.
* August 10 - Sony responds to Christian's e-mail. They don't take him seriously.
* August 13 - Christian writes to Megan about having confessed his love to her.
* August 15 - Chris bids on a Megatron Leader Class action figure on eBay.
* August 20 - Chris buys himself another Officer Nasty love doll, possibly because his other one suffered an internal injury. He also purchases a "Mystery Feature", "Redlight Girls", "Extreme Behavior 2", and "Signature Series 10: Shayla LaVeaux".
* August 31 - Chris tells Megan he will resume his Love Quest in September.
* August - Chris uploads [[CWC is Angry]].

===September===
* September 4 - [[Bob]]'s 80th birthday. Chris makes him a cake.[http://www.mediafire.com/?q6dsbzkgteqxpp6]
* September 4 - On the [[PSN Blogs]], Chris complains about not being able to go online.
* September 5 - On the [[PSN Blogs]], Chris replies to a blog concerning login problems.
* September 12 - On the [[PSN Blogs]], Chris talks about [[PSP]] update 3.7. He also talks about his login problems.
* September 22 - Chris posts a message entitled, "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE!!!!" on his [[MySpace]] Sonichu Group.
* September 27 - On the [[PSN Blogs]], Chris makes a few posts, one asking if he can use a [[XBox]] controller on a PS3.

===October===
* October 1 - Megan says that she is glad that Chris has backed off from his advances. Chris replies that he still pines for her.
* October 1 - [[Barb]] turns 66.
* October 2 - Chris is confronted by a [[jerkop]] at [[Alderman Library]].
* October 3 - Christian buys a LAI MI Asian sex doll.
* October 4 - Chris emails Megan, saying that he intends to keep going to Alderman Library for his [[sweetheart search]].
* October 19 - Christian shows hostile behavior towards a friend of Megan.
* October 20 - Christian apologizes to Megan for his hostile behavior. He blames it on his homophobia.
* October 21 - Megan is annoyed with his behavior and tells him he should mind his own business.
* October 26 - The day that the trolling of Chris began. He is photographed at the Game Place playing ''[[Pokémon]]''. The same day he gets [http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2636398&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=8#post335082042 mentioned] in a SomethingAwful thread (Requires ''Archives'' account to view) by a student at UVA who saw Chris at [[Alderman Library]] looking for a boyfriend-free girl.
* October 27 - Due to the Ulillillia thread getting derailed, a [http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2667671 thread on SomethingAwful] is created about Chris. (Requires ''Archives'' account to view, [http://web.archive.org/web/20071107074539/http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2667671&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1 mirror].)
* October 30 - Some guy asks Chris how he's doing in a [[MySpace]] comment.
* October 31 - The SomethingAwful Sycophant Squad (SASS) creates a thread on Chris titled ''Sonichuuuuuuuu...''
* October 31 - According to Chris, the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page is created. (According to the history, it was created a few days later).
* October 31 - On the [[PSN Blogs]], Chris asks a question about [[God of War]].
* October 31 - A troll posing as [[PaRappa the Rapper]] pokes fun at Chris in a MySpace comment.

===November===
* November 1 - "PaRappa" and another troll mock Chris in MySpace comments.
* November 2 - According to Chris, on this day he discovers the [[ED]] page and becomes furious. This is contradicted by the date of the page's creation.
* November 3 - The Chris-Chan article on ED is created at 5:45 PM (Ruckersville time) by [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].
* November 3 - [[Evan]] collects some of the best images from [[4chan]]'s Fan-Art thread and e-mails them to Chris.
* November 3 - Chris emails [[Megan]] that he was freaked out by Evan's fanart, and that he's informed a [[deviantArt]] member about [[Chris and copyright|copyright violation]].
* November 4 - Chris demands that [[Evan]] draw a picture of [[Rosechu]] "[[masturbating and squirtin']]".
* November 4 - [[Vivian Gee]] [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2007-2008|sends her first email]] to Chris, telling him that she has a similar but not identical character to Sonichu, and would appreciate it if Chris said it was original.
* November 4 - Chris updates [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]
* November 4 - Chris uploads his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|FUTURE MESSAGE]] to [[YouTube]].
* November 5 - A [[white knight]] tells Chris via e-mail that people at [[4chan]]'s /v/ board are making fun of him, and that they have made an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page for Chris.
* November 5 - Chris tells Barbara that he had been photographed at the [[Game Place]], and she goes mad.
* November 5 - In e-mails to [[Anna]], Chris tells her that he's discovered his [[ED]] page. He also discloses that he has been chatting with [[Lori Lopez]].
* November 6 - Somebody sends an e-mail to Chris, claiming that Chris has stolen his [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] character, and that Chris must take down his Sonichu comics in one week or face charges. Chris ignores the e-mail.
* November 6 - Vivian responds to Chris about her earlier e-mail by ranting about how he is the one that makes his life suck. She ends by telling him to fuck off and die.
* November 6 - Chris uploads five more old videos to his [[YouTube]] channel.
* November 7 - Christian shoots a [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|video]] asking to have the ED article edited to "better reflect his personality".
* November 7 - Vivian sends one last e-mail to Chris for a long time, asking him to throw away his [[medallion]].
* November 9 - [[Barbara]] goes to the Game Place and questions manager [[Michael (Game Place)|Michael]] about the picture that was taken. She asks to be offered a seat, but as there is no seat, she has to sit on the floor. Michael tells Chris that if he brings up ED once again, he will be banned from the store.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_emails_her_some_detective_work.2C_Megan_likely_doesn.27t_give_a_shit|Megan Emails, 2008]]</ref>
* November 10 - A picture of [[Wikipedia:goatse.cx|Goatse]] is added to the ED page, and Christian finally breaks down and creates the Reldnahc account to remove it. He then begins [[List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#November_2007|rewriting the article]] in a more favorable light towards him.
* November 11 - In response to she-male and homoerotic Sonichu fan art on the ED page, Chris draws five [[Rule 34]] drawings and adds them to the article in protest. Most feature his Sonichu characters; [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|one in particular]] depicts himself fingering a woman who is later identified as Megan.
* November 12 - Chris adds entries from his [[CWC's Diary|diary]], details about how he lost Megan, and information about his sex doll [[Officer Nasty]] to the ED page. By now Chris has willingly provided 90% of the information that will be used to mock him henceforth.
* November 14 - Chris updates his Sonichu site.
* November 15 - Christian tries to hack ED using HTML. It doesn't work.
* November 18 - Chris emails Megan about activities at [[The Game Place]] and sends her a picture of [[Lori Lopez]].
* November 19 - Chris tells Megan that he'll be meeting Lori soon.
* November 23 - Chris buys a 160 GB SATA hard drive for his PS3, greatly increasing its storage space.
* November 30 - Megan asks Chris for help obtaining some German music.

===December===
* December 18 - Chris sends Megan a reminder about their get-together tomorrow at The End.
* December 26 - Chris buys [[Kimmi]], the anime love doll, on Adamandeve.com, probably because his parents didn't buy it for him as a Christmas gift.
* December 28 - Once again, Chris returns to [[List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#December_2007|editing]] the text of his ED article into a more positive one.
* December 30 - With a new ED account, "Chris-Chan", Chris starts vandalizing ED.
* December 30 - Christian writes the poem [[Chris emails 2007|For My True Love, I Would...]]
* December 31 - Chris sends his recently completed poem to somebody in contact with Megan, and tells her to send it to her.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Father

2020-08-24T14:54:28Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Disambiguation}}
*[[Christian Weston Chandler]], metaphorical father of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] etc.
*[[Bob Chandler]], father of Christian Weston Chandler
*[[Father Call]], in which Christian Weston Chandler spoke to Matthew Devoria, Kacey's father

Dark Mirror Hole

2020-08-24T14:54:02Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

{{Articleofthenow}}
The '''Dark Mirror Hole''' was the secret weapon of [[Count Graduon]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in their invasion of [[CWCville]], seen in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] and [[Sonichu 6|#6]]. Although they intended to trap [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] in its otherworldly reflection, his twin sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] wound up trapped in his place. Since this dark day, the primary mission of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the [[Chaotic Combo]] has been to free Crystal from the Mirror. You know, when they're not lounging around on the beach or screwing each other's brains out.

==Out of ideas? [[Parody|Steal]] from Anime!==
[[Image:Sm-mirror.jpg|thumb|left|As seen in Sailor Moon]]

Both the Dark Mirror's name and style are swiped from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''. The name is a complete ripoff of the Black Dream Hole that appears in the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Moon Supers: The Movie|Sailor Moon Super S movie]] whereas the mirror itself and its behavior are associated with one of the [[Wikipedia:Dead Moon Circus#Queen Nehellenia|villains of the television series]], who used mirrors to capture the protagonists in the first Six Episodes of ''Sailor Moon Sailor Stars'' and was herself trapped in a mirror in ''Sailor Moon SuperS''. There is doubt as to whether or not Chris has actually watched any of these, or if it's second/third-hand information from [[Megan]].

Christian's rendition looks like a purple photo frame with what could be construed as ''Mickey Mouse'' styled ears.

The idea of entry to and escape from "mirror worlds" was [[Things Chris has ripped off|taken from]] [[Wikipedia:Sonic Shuffle|''Sonic Shuffle'']].<ref>[[Mailbag 52]]</ref>
{{Clear}}

==History==
[[Image:CrystalMirror.jpg|thumb|right|''"Well, I got one anyway!"'', Mary Lee Walsh cackled upon capture of the Ernie-shirted crusader.]]

By concealing the Dark Mirror in a street on the battleground, the villains lured [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] to that exact spot, whereupon Graduon activated the Dark Mirror Hole spell to cause Chris to sink into the mirror. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Chris walked right into the trap.

As Chris-Chan Sonichu sank into the mirror, his transformation was canceled, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. However, before he was completely engulfed in the mirror, [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] managed to grab hold of his hands. Apparently, Graduon hadn't counted on anyone actually caring enough about Chris to try to save him, which is an understandable error.

Realizing that Chris would suffer more if his sister and gal-pal were trapped in the mirror instead, Graduon made the magic pane of the mirror flip over. While Megtune was too focused on Chris to notice, Crystalina sensed the mirror flipping at the last second, and used her tail to fling Megtune out of danger, so that only she would become trapped in the Dark Mirror.

Like Chris, Crystalina reverted to her human form inside the Dark Mirror. Seizing on the opportunity, Mary Lee Walsh demanded that the heroes of CWCville surrender unconditionally in exchange for Crystal's safe release. Before Chris could make a decision, [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrived to break the standoff. Using her magic shamrock vibrator, Patti rescued the Dark Mirror from Walsh's grasp, and Darkbind and Sailor Megtune forced her and Graduon to withdraw.

Following the battle, Chris and his hedgehog allies worked diligently to free Crystal from the Dark Mirror, but the only thing that had any effect was a [[Sonichu Ball]]. [[Magi-Chan]] quickly concluded that only the combined power of all seven [[Sonichu Balls]] could extricate Crystal from the Dark Mirror. Those, or the Chaos Emeralds. Whichever one's easier.

Since then, the main plot of the comics has been the hunt for the Sonichu Balls. As of [[Sonichu 8]], five have been collected, with two more in Chris's possession as he floats aimlessly through the time-stream. Chris was slated to return to CWCville in [[Sonichu 9]], after which Crystal's freedom would be a simple matter.

In fact, it was far simpler a matter than that - in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris, under the form of [[Collosal Chan]] simply ''walks'' into the mirror, picks up Crystal, and walks out. This is probably an act of shoddy damage control on Chris's behalf - he most likely realised that he had forgotten to pick up on the plot device, and needed to rectify the plot hole as quickly as possible.

==Inside the Dark Mirror==

Because of Chris's "[[Autism|less is more approach]]" to art, the dimension within the Dark Mirror Hole is only depicted as a blank purple void (Similar to the [[Sonichu 7|Time Void]] used in following issues).

==See also==
*[[Time Void]]

==References==
<references/>
{{CWCverse}}
[[Category: Plot Devices]][[Category: Special Attacks]]

CWC-isms

2020-08-24T14:53:45Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

<center>{{Honest}}</center>

One of [[Chris]]'s most notorious features is his strange vocabulary. Like many children who don't feel comfortable referring to [[Honest Content|adult concepts]] directly, Chris often resorts to creating cutesy euphemisms for a lot of words that anyone else his age would generally use with little reservation, which is common with autistic people. While some of them are understandable — after all, nobody would really relish discussing their [[Butt garments|diapers]] — others, such as "[[tobacky]]" instead of "tobacco", only serve to turn an otherwise normal sentence into an advertisement for Chris's childish nature. Others are attempts to be clever that fail miserably, for example, he refers to [[semen]] as "[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|navy]]", because semen sounds like sea men, [[Random-access humor|get it?]] Combine this with the idiosyncratic speech patterns that are common among [[autism|autistics]], and you get his so-called '''CWC-isms'''.

CWC-isms may be combinations or butchered versions of words or phrases that already exist, entirely new words, commonplace words that he uses repeatedly in a peculiar or obsessive way, or entirely new phrases that Chris often has to explain afterwards because nobody knows what he's talking about.

==Primary categories of CWC-isms==
Nearly all CWC-isms belong to one of the four following classes:
# '''CWC-neologism''' - a ''new'' word or phrase, unknown until ''created by Chris''. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#L|Lovehogs]]'', a portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehogs".
# '''CWC-homonym''' - an ''existing'' word or phrase, to which Chris has given a ''different meaning''. These may be euphemisms, designed to avoid naming (to Chris) offensive things, or else due to Chris confusing an elevated word's meaning. Example: ''[[Duck]]'', for Chris's penis; ''[[CWC-isms#T|telekinesis]]'', used falsely in place of ''telepathy''.
# '''CWC-archaism''' - an ''obscure'' word or phrase, known in English but seldom used by contemporary Virginians, which Chris has learned somewhere and has ''become characteristic'' for Chris's way of speaking/writing. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#U|Uncouth]]'', an obscure word Chris used to tell people how much of a jerk he perceive they're being to him.
# '''CWC-misspelling''' - only the ''most notable'' of Chris's ''misspellings'', including deliberate re-arrangements: those which are characteristic for Chris's way of writing. Example: ''[[Geinus]]'', what he deems himself to be; ''[[Pmurt]]'' for Donald Trump, president of the United States from 2017. Chris's sporadic, inconsistent use of some [[Catherine|British spellings]] while otherwise using American English can also be considered under this category.



__NOTOC__

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; center:0">{{Alphabet ToC}}</div>

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==#==
|-
|

;12-9
[[Image:Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg|The cover for Sonichu #12-9|thumb|300px]]

<blockquote>
1. (''numeral'') A placeholder for the number thirteen.

<blockquote> ''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism directly. Chris however used it in lists that exceed 12 items.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1006915844016869377</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has shown on a few occasions to dislike the number 13, due to him deeming it an unlucky number, an already popular superstition in American culture. His fear of the number has led to some bizarre effects, particularly in his numbering. A famous example of this unusual numbering shtick is in the 13th issue of his Sonichu comics, which he numbered as "Issue #12-9", in which he used an em-dash in the place of a decimal place. The 12-9 itself is meant to represent a value of "almost 13".</blockquote>

;[[4-Cent Garbage]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' The headquarters of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[4-Chan]] trolls in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]].

<blockquote> ''You will recognize her [?] as your sweetheart because from a fav- from a favor on her half, your internal clock will be restored fully, your enemies of '''4-cent-garbage''' will be vanquished, so you both will live together in peace. Live freely.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Since ED and 4chan were partly responsible for Megan's breakup with him, Chris decided to get payback on the both of them by combining the both of them into an evil corporation in Sonichu, dubbing it "4-cent Garbage".</blockquote>

;7-incher
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A penis which measures seven-inches in length.

<blockquote> ''Good thing we stopped for a pack of condoms; it's too bad the regular-size ones break easily on my '''7-incher'''.''</blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his penis is about 7 inches, which he actually believes is the average length of a penis of an adult male <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_20#Oral_doesn.27t_count</ref>. Chris has made all kinds of weird euphemisms for just his penis alone such as this one, "ugly growth", and "duck".</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
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==A==
|-
|
;abreast
<blockquote>
1. (''adjective'') full of; filled with.

<blockquote>''It was not until after saving the city from the forces of Count Graduon and his minions, that she realized her form's new assets. And she was '''abreast''' with delight and glee when she found not the Male Part, but a Vagina! grin emoticon.''<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''In fact, while I am fairly educated about Tribadism and '''abreast''' with theories, I would appreciate some experience with a lesbian or two who knows what she likes to enlighten me better, including on sensual massage and all that.''<ref>[[May_2015_Facebook_posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses this word when discussing feminine anatomy and lesbian sex, evidently because it includes the word "breast". He fails to realize that "abreast" actually means "adjacent".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/abreast</ref> A possible confusion with the word "abound".</blockquote>

;Adult Swim
<blockquote>
1. (''adjective'') pornographic or otherwise "NSFW"; containing [[Honest Content|adult content]].

<blockquote>''She still has a great drawing style, even for the '''Adult Swim''' section."<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/night-star-delivers-christines-side-of-the-story.33062/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refers to the Cartoon Network block, [[Adult Swim]]. Chris seemed to only consider the "Adult" part of this block's name, and therefore assumed he could use this phrase to describe anything that's "adult" to him.

</blockquote>

;adulterous
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Of an [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|adult]] and mature nature

<blockquote>''Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered '''adulterous'''.''<ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: usually used to describe people who [[Ivy|cheat]] on their [[Blanca Weiss|partners]] (i.e. guilty of adultery), Chris only notices the "adult" component of the word.

2. ''(adjective)'' Insult of unclear nature
<blockquote>''Heeeeey, folks! It's me, [[Clyde Cash]]. I am the ruler of the internet and the internet trolls. I am an '''adulterous''' foe, a bastard and a self-righteous idiot who spends his time wallowing and trolling the one Christian Weston Chandler, and making up a whole bunch of dadgum rumors all over the internet!''<ref>[[100 2267]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris simply throws out the insult without a clear understanding of the word. Possibly referring to Clyde taking [[PandaHalo]] from Chris, though this is more aptly described as cuckoldry.

</blockquote>

;among which
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Among other things. Et cetera. Also. Additionally

<blockquote>'''''Among which''' I can project myself to (the Ninja Turtles universe)''<ref>[[Dankula]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Autism|Uncertain]]. Chris adopted this phrase and began using it heavily in a number of different contexts through-out 2018. Perhaps the clearest example of chris's over-use of "among which" is the [[Dankula|Count Dankula interview]], where Chris uses the phrase no less than ten times.

</blockquote>

;an' anurr thing
<blockquote>
1. ''(Phrase, transitionary)'' Signifies that Chris wishes to make another point about a subject he is discussing, and that he wishes he were Peter Falk.

<blockquote>''An' anurr thing...CHRIS. Your for real- your real name, as I have been told by Kacey, is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that. '''An' anurr thing''', I NAME is NOT IAN! BRANDON!!! SOMETHING!!!!!''<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: a corruption of "and another thing". Used constantly when Chris is angry.

</blockquote>
;[[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]]
[[Image:Anch.PNG|right|thumb|Chris and Sonichu amazed by the Anchuent Prophecy]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Describes anything that is archaic in the ''Sonichu'' canon.

<blockquote>
''Well, what's this? I'm havin' an upgrade? Huh! Huh! My- my powers are given me the ability to fly with my wings attached to my head! It's like a w- it's like an add-on! That's optional! Huh! Must have been done by '''Anchuent''' Powers, so awesome I can fly now! Huh!''<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially, "anchuent" was taken to be a misspelling of the word "ancient" given Chris's [[Chris and English|poor grasp of the English language]]. Over time, however, it was revealed that "anchuent" was meant to be a portmanteau of the words "ancient" and "Sonichu", adding the "chu" part of "Sonichu" into the word "ancient".<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref> </blockquote>

;and such
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items; to add to a list.

<blockquote>''At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, GameStop, Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etcetera '''and such'''.''<ref>[[CWC Blog|Cwcipedia captain's log, 25 November 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris understands the term's meaning, but uses it superfluously.
</blockquote>

;artery

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' art.

<blockquote>''Good evening, but between this and the, uh, oh, and the other clips I would like to present you, uh, a few examples of hand '''artery'''.''<ref>[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Not to be confused with the term for blood vessels. Chris doesn't seem to realize "art" is already a noun and doesn't need the suffix, and that "artistry" also exists.
</blockquote>

;as such

<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' In the manner previously described.

<blockquote>''They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me '''as such'''.''<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris overuses this phrase to the point of self-parody. He's either tacking it on to fill space when he can't think of the next thing to say, or he's peppering it into his language in a feeble attempt to sound intelligent.
</blockquote>

;[[Attraction Location|attraction location]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any place Chris may sit to gain the attention of any passing women, only to get promptly kicked out afterward.

<blockquote>''Also, as of early November, I was reemitted into the Fashion Square Shopping Center, and since Mid-December, I totally left the UVA as an '''Attraction Location'''.''<ref>[[Story_of_My_Current_Days]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having a very difficult socializing with women, thought that sitting around in a certain place and soliciting himself would be a better alternative. Therefore, it would make sense to him to sit in a location with many people in order to gain the attention of several women.</blockquote>

;attraction time

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The time that is spent at an attraction location

<blockquote>''Then, on my next visit to the mall, I felt seriously depressed about what had happened the other day; it killed my '''attraction time'''''.<ref>[[Story_of_My_Current_Days]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;audio-sonic feeling

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the arousing feeling caused by getting hit by sound waves

<blockquote>''Here is a most '''audio-sonic feeling'''. While at the club last night, the music was loud, maybe reverberating or echoing. The music and beats literally shook up my rack! I actually Felt the music playing and reverbing within my breasts, almost like my breasts had become a pair of speakers. It Felt Amazing and Arousing!''<ref>https://www.facebook.com/cwcville/photos/a.447204945915.244245.167832525915/10152771303590916/?type=3&theater</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As shown in the quote above, Chris believed that he was sexually aroused when sound waves hit him. In actuality, sound, a vibration,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound</ref> creates pressure. The louder the sound, the more pressure gets created from the wave. Therefore, very loud music should be able to hit Chris given that he's a huge target, creating that "arousing" feeling, which is actually an alternation between high and low pressures.</blockquote>

|}

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== B ==
|-
|

;B-dog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Derogatory epithet for women.

<blockquote>''Then that [[Mary Lee Walsh|'''B-Dog''']] ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Retarded censorship of the word "bitch". [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is implied to say this in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], when she shouts "BEEE..!!!" at [[Silvana]].<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_8/Page_95|Issue 8 Pages 94-95}}</ref>
</blockquote>

;bally
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' round; having the texture of a perfectly round ball.

<blockquote>''I've always given her a "'''Bally'''-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_emails_2004-2006</ref></blockquote>

Origin: If one didn't know Chris was referring to his dog, Patti, and that he gives her a "Bally-scratch" on the head, one might conclude that he's fondling someone's genitals. Chris, [[CWC-isms#N|naive]] to how suggestive this sounds, gave this special kind of petting the name "Bally-scratching" because of how stroking her head felt like he was squeezing a rubber ball.</blockquote>

;Be Woman
<blockquote>1. ''(verb phrase)'' Be '''a''' woman.

<blockquote>''I am a Lesbian Transwoman; I am not confused or mentally ill about that; '''I Am Woman.'''''<ref>[[2017_tweets#Proud_to_be_a_feminist]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''How Dare You Insult and be so Inconsiderate of Her like that? '''She Is Woman'''; she would Never Revert Back.''<ref>[[NightStar2891_tweets#She_is_woman]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used regularly when Chris asserts his [[Tomgirl|transgender identity]], notable for the consistent lack of a proper article and capitalization of each word in the phrase. Originally only attested in the first person ("I Am Woman"), a post on Chris's [[Miss Night Star]] Twitter sockpuppet account uses the third person ("She Is Woman"). Technically first appears in [[Sonichu 8]] when [[The Incredible Lioness]] attacks [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], as the somewhat cliché musical reference [[wikipedia:I Am Woman|"I am woman, hear me roar!"]], which may have inspired Chris's broader use of the phrase.
</blockquote>



;[[Biological clock|biological clock]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Wikipedia:Circadian Rhythm|circadian rhythm]]

<blockquote>'''I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking '''biological clock''' as well.''<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although technically not used incorrectly in this context, the phrase "biological clock" is used exclusively for women in their child-bearing years. Possibly a confusion with "internal clock".
</blockquote>

;blangry
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' [[Chris and anger|Angry]].

<blockquote>''Oh, and how 'bout this?! I get '''BLANGRY'''! ''<ref>[[Chris Calls Clyde Out]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Given Chris's belief that he has [[Chris and English|mastered the English language]] and his [[speech impediment]], it's likely he fucked up saying angry.
</blockquote>

;blue-printed
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Skilled in engineering.

<blockquote>''I like many others, was born a foal; to a '''blue-printed''' Pegasus and a country tomboy earth mare.''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot_20171019-235945_01-png.299275/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris portrayed Bob's Pony Counterpart in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] as an engineer, just like the real [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]. Due to Chris's limited vocabulary, Chris knew very little words he could use to describe Bob's profession. Derived from the word "blueprints", the plans set for the design of a product. </blockquote>

;[[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Single; particularly used on women.

<blockquote>''Ahh, well, it's been over a year and ten months now since I started my sweetheart-search; I still haven't found a '''boyfriend-free'''-caring-smoke-free-non-alcoholic-white-girl-near-my-age to build a relationship with from the ground up.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris’s mission in life used to be to obtain a girlfriend and have sex. However, evey chance he thinks he gets, they already have a boyfriend. This has made Chris “fear” girls who already have boyfriends.</blockquote>

;Buddha belly
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Excess fat that gives a person a [[obesity|very round appearance]].

<blockquote>''Okay, well, I admit I do have a '''Buddha belly''', but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.''<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "[[Wikipedia:Buddha|Buddha]]" is a title given to several legendary figures in [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhism]]. In this case, Chris is making reference to [[wikipedia:Budai|Budai]], who is often known as "Fat Buddha". Chris presumably picked up the phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "To Love and Die in Dixie".
</blockquote>

;bugbears
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Trolls]], [[weens]], and other Chris-related orbiters who make him miserable.

<blockquote>''Freaking CyberBullies!!!!!!! Real '''Bugbears''', they are!''<ref>[[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although the term was originally defined in the 16th century as 'a cause of obsessive fear, anxiety, or irritation.', It was given a another definition centuries later to describe a race of hobgoblins made famous by [[Wikipedia:Bugbear (Dungeons & Dragons)|Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's widely believed that Chris picked up the term from [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic, which depicted these creatures as literal bear-insect hybrids that are first seen terrorizing the ponies.
</blockquote>

;buh bye bay nose
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' but if anybody knows.

<blockquote>''If I knew who you were, I'd give you a kick in da bawls. But I can't, because I don't know who or where you are. '''Buh bye bay nose''' the whereabouts of the... [[JERKS|jerk]]... and just happens to be nearby... or within the state? Give him a swick kick for me.''<ref>[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A result of Chris’s [[Speech impediment]]</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;but during the stone age...
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A rebuttal for something obvious being stated.

<blockquote>''You don’t have to tell me twice! '''But during the stone age...'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to the [[Sonichu 2 Official Videobook|Videobook for Sonichu #2]], the phrase originates from how you need to “tell cavemen twice” over anyone else.</blockquote>

;[[Butt garments|butt garment]]
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Leaked footage of Chris in a butt garment]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an adult diaper; typically one used to control Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontenence]].

<blockquote>''The doctor corrected that they were liners; he never called them diapers. Neither did Chris- he called them “'''butt garments'''”.''</blockquote>

Origin: To avoid embarrassment from stating that he shits himself constantly, and uses diapers, Chris refers to his adult diapers as butt garments.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== C ==
|-
|

;C-Log
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Captain's Log.

<blockquote>'''''C-Log''' February 4th, 2010. First off, I'm not dead, and I have a few announcements to make.''<ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: For quite some time, Chris has had the habit of abbreviating certain words or phrases that begin with "'''C'''", possibly for [[Chris and his Ego|his name also beginning with "'''C'''"]], as well as to put greater emphasis on the letter C in the words he abbreviates. Other examples of this kind of abbreviation include "C-Mas" and "C-Ville".
</blockquote>

;C-Mas
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Christmas

<blockquote> ''The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the '''C-Mas''' Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, Sonichu and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.<ref>[[Sonichu's_News_Dash#A_Very_Special_Holiday_Chris-chan]]
</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;C Ville (or C-Ville)
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' [[Charlottesville, VA]].

<blockquote>''Look, you're going to back in '''C-Ville''' tomorrow, I can meet you at the McDonalds at Forest Lakes, what time is good for our meeting?''<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Generic term for any city whose name fits the pattern of beginning with "C" and ending with "ville," e.g., [[CWCville]], Charlottesville, etc.

<blockquote>''And when you diss Cwcville you disf- you diss every "'''C Ville'''" within these United States.''<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;[[Captain's Log|Captain's Log]]
[[File:CWCtrek1.png|400px|right|thumb|The Autistic Generation]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The classic opening for a vlog video Chris makes to adress the fanbase, which includes the date of production. Replaced in 2015 with "live from home once again".

<blockquote>'''''Captain's Log'''. Stardate: September... 24th, 2008.''</blockquote>

Origin: One may come to the conclusion that Chris picked up this phrase from Star Trek, however, Chris is neither a fan of the Star Trek franchise, nor has he seen any clips of the show<ref>[[Mailbag_3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_14]]</ref>. It is more likely that Chris picked up the phrase from cartoons like [[Family Guy]], which references Star Trek, considering how much he watched the show religiously.</blockquote>

;carniverous
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' evil, vengeful.

<blockquote>''On today's show, we will take a close-up look at the '''carniverous''' jerkops.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm</ref></blockquote>Origin: A misspelling of "carnivorous". It is unknown what word Chris meant to use here, but "carnivorous" certainly wasn't it.</blockquote>

;[[China|china]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Female genitalia

<blockquote>''I love dykes! DYKES! '''CHINA!'''''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, uncomfortable with directly saying the word "vagina", decided to alter the word to a cutesy, similar-sounding word. Based off of a term for porcelain "china".</blockquote>

;coldest shoulder

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' to rebel.

<blockquote>''Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned '''Coldest Shoulder''' Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred.''<ref>[[April_2012_Facebook_posts]]</ref>

''One of which, Amanda, is one of the Part-Time Manajerks who gives her elders the '''coldest of shoulders'''.''<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the phrase "turning a cold shoulder", a phrase used for the negligence of another person<ref>https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/turn-a-cold-shoulder-to</ref>. </blockquote>

;[[Comeuppance|comeuppance]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Male orgasm.
<blockquote>''...I feel my '''comeuppance''' and I come into your mouth, my [[semen]] is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. (...) And right after I'd given you my first round, my first '''comeuppance''', you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis...''<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' [[Semen]], usually immediately after ejaculation. ''See also: [[CWC-isms#N|Navy]]''
<blockquote>''Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until you get the first dosage of my '''comeuppance'''!''<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses the sexual slang "cum" as a [[For Julie's Eyes Only|verb]] for orgasm, but he may not realize it can also be a noun referring to ejaculate. In his mind, "comeuppance" apparently serves that purpose, viz., "that which has come/cum up."

In the real world, "comeuppance" is an English noun meaning [[Wiktionary:comeuppance|outcome which is justly deserved]] based upon the common verb "come," i.e., the state of coming forward to receive judgment. He is either unaware of the original definition of the word or does not appreciate the irony of telling women he's going to give them comeuppance.

Note that the contexts of the real word and Chris's version are different. When a woman is rebuked, she receives her comeuppance; when a woman gets Chris's hot load in her face, she receives ''his'' "comeuppance."
</blockquote>

;crash into slumber (or crash and burn)
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To get so sad and [[Chris and stress|stressed out]] that you get tired from exhaustion.

<blockquote>And… the void in my heart that requires a sweetheart is open again, and it hurts. I hope you jerks and trolls who wanted to break us up… are happy… 'cause all you did was make me feel sad and depressed. And you made me '''crash… into slumber'''… a couple of times. And you know, it takes a lot of stress and exhaust… and such… to make a person feel like they're gonna crash and burn… into a whole bunch of s-- into a long slumber… that just basically sleeps o-- that just basically sleeps off the—uh, what's the word I was looking for? I had it. Ugh…<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris famously said that he "crashed into slumber" in the video [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]], where he shows off how depressed and angry he was with his latest tomfoolery at the time. It could be because that one of Chris' main methods of coping with his stress is to sleep it off, and tried to make it sound hyperbolic by stating that he "crashed" onto the bed, as if he tried to get it done sooner.</blockquote>

;crestfallen
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sad and disappointed

<blockquote>''I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt '''crestfallen''' greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Manchester_High_School</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys R Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and '''crestfall'''. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/26_December_2014</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another obscure word Chris liked to use a lot, even today. It even got to the point where he tried to put it into a baffling progressive tense "to my dismay and crestfall".</blockquote>

;crooks
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Those who may steal Chris's intellectual property for malicious purposes. ''(pl.)''

<blockquote>''I aways keep my eyes open for '''crooks''' who take my [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]]'s name and put it in offensive use!''<ref>''[[:File:116-CWCCop.jpg|116-CWCCop.jpg]]''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' websites, and even words on websites which communicate lies about Chris.

<blockquote>''And that [[ED]] page is one of those crooks. Every page--every word on the discussion page is a '''crook'''.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A finishing move Chris does on his adversaries in order to "curse" them, publicly or otherwise. Performed in the same way it is in Dragonball.

<blockquote>''Hmmm...'''Curse-ye-ha-me-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/NO_D***_WAY,_IMPOSTOR!!!</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes that he possesses [[Chris and reality#Magic|magical powers]]. Typically, these so-called magical powers would be used whenever an enemy gets in the way of whatever he wants to do, since Chris is too afraid to actually fight anyone. Therefore, he will rely on this magical power in order to gain control of whoever is giving him trouble.</blockquote>

;CWC-sense
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The ability to sense Chris's presence.

<blockquote> ''Seriously though, awesome timing coming in, just as we, and Chris, had just finished writing the lyrics...was your '''CWC-sense''' tingling?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== D ==
|-
|

;D.A.
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Unexplained, presumably a substitution to avoid the word "dumbass." Most likely ''not'' "District Attorney," although equally applicable to [[Marvey Blaziken]].

<blockquote>''You are obviously a troll trying to pick on my nerves; nice try, '''D.A.'''''<ref>[[Mailbag 15]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris intermittently decides to self-censor his profanities for the benefit of younger readers.
</blockquote>

;da
<blockquote>1. ''(article)'' [[Wikipedia:Eye dialect|Eye dialect]] spelling of the word [http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/the the].

<blockquote>''Y'all know me as [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta Sonichu]], '''da''' DJ with da power!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], page 43</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris writes "the" as "da" when he intends for his characters (or himself) to sound laid-back and cool. This is most notable with Jamsta Sonichu, who is supposed to sound like a hip radio DJ and/or a [[Niggos|black man]]. Chris may intend at times to do the same thing in his verbal communications, although his [[speech impediment]] makes it difficult to tell when he actually means to say "da."
</blockquote>

;Da Update
[[File:Daupdate.jpg|thumb|400px|[[Megan]], comparing Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|attitude]] to [[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The latest news.

2. ''(phrase)'' The most recent fail Chris is responsible for.

<blockquote>''Hey, guys! What's '''da update'''?''</blockquote>

Origin: Dialogue used by Chris, in an exceedingly awkward attempt to sound casual, in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. As Chris's [[fans]] have searched the Internet for the latest news from our hero, "da update" has become shorthand for "the latest [[Relics of Fail|failure]] Chris has committed." The phrase became legendary when posted above the Chris-chan talk page on [[ED]] (eventually the page was locked, forcing mass migration to the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]]).

</blockquote>

;[[Darling|darling]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover, even one that shows no affection back at you.

<blockquote>''Thank you, Doopie '''Darling'''. :)<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/July_2017_tweets#Thanks.2C_darling</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris, so hellbent on being [[Chris and kindness|kind]] to just about any potential sweetheart he met, thinks it's appropriate to refer to women he doesn't know outside of the internet by pet names to sound like he really cares for them, despite it being creepy to most other people. Chris's main justification for using this word on women who don't bond with him is that the actor [[Wikipedia:Tallulah Bankhead|Tallulah Bankhead]] used this word a lot, ignoring the fact that she only did this while on set.</blockquote>

;[[Dating education|Dating Education]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' formal education in schools about dating people of the opposite sex.

<blockquote>''Also, in addition, while we also fully support Sexual Education in every high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, '''Dating Education''' classes, because, while Sex Ed is great for the eventual, well-earned intercourse after 3 or more dates, it is vital to learn what to do before that moment. It should be well0taught how to approach and ask one’s member of the opposite gender out for the very first date.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:DatingEducation.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The lack of "Dating Education classes" is something that Chris used to complain about all of the time, because he's simply incapable of finding a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]], and that it would be a great advantage for people of his type to learn how to do so. Chris doesn't understand that a key aspect of obtaining a mate is to develop the proper [[Chris and socialization|social skills]], especially those around [[women]], and that it has very little to do with how much sex he has with them.</blockquote>

;detail
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A thing of importance that Chris cannot recall at any given moment.

<blockquote>''I do not have the appropriate calm state of mind to make time to READ those numerous upon numerous small-print '''details''', much less memorize them.''<ref>[[Wikipedia#May 2009 drama]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' Something that Chris does not understand.

<blockquote>''There was one I remember from then where the essay had a lot of offensive content, including smoking, and I spoke my mind on how offended I was of it. Plus other details I misunderstood that he was expecting in the assignments.'' <ref>[[Jackie E-mails 9]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's ability to retain information is questionable (unless it's about [[Sonichu (comic)|something]] [[Lego|he]] [[Pokémon|obsesses]] [[PS3|over]]). As such, he "misunderstands" and "forgets" a lot of glaringly important things, such as [[Father call|how to live on his own]] and [[Jackie E-mails 2|the fact that he cheated on Ivy]].
</blockquote>

;devotee
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An [[enabler]] of Chris.

<blockquote>''Ah, I believe I have the proper term. Going from "Worshiper", I checked the thesaurus:"'''Devotee'''" in the term sounds better. "Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu"(DoCCS). This is my better educates and thought suggestion." ''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-1267#post-5540139</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Believing himself to be a goddess, Chris needed a term to refer to any of his followers. The term was originally "worshiper", but then after a quick thesaurus search, he decided to change the term to "devotees", solely because he thought it sounded smarter. Although technically a synonym of "worshiper", the term "devotee" is more often used in Eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism.
</blockquote>

;Did the do, to do the do
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To have sexual intercourse, likely under deceptive conditions

<blockquote>''[[Lovely Weather|Lovely]] was hot. She mistook me for myself and we went home from work that night, so Lovely and I '''did the do''', and it was awesome!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_2|Issue 10 Page 2}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An even more benign variation of the common euphemism for sex, "doing it". Ripped off from [[Wikipedia:Emission_Impossible|an episode]] of [[Family Guy]].
</blockquote>

;dige
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana

<blockquote>''My name's [[Inos]]... wha' chu up to? I am eclectic on this hedge... high on the hog... you wan' som' of this '''dige''', mon?''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_70|Issue 10 Page 70}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended to be part of a coded reference to "Sonichu, Electric Hedgehog Digimon". It is not known why he changed the reference from "Pokemon" to "Digimon".
</blockquote>

;[[dimension]]
[[File:Chrisminecraft.jpg|right|thumb|In a universe of multiple realities, anything is possible according to Chris.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Either our universe or a fictional one, such as the one in which ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' or ''[[My Little Pony]]'' are set, both held to be equally [[Chris and reality|real]] in Chris's ontology.

<blockquote>''For Our Home World and All other '''Dimensions''', Realities and Worlds; All Of Us! Dance! Dance! Dance!!!''<ref>[[Freestyle Dance With Me, For Our World]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Dumbing down some physicists' hypothetical notion of other physical universes embedded in mathematically higher-dimensional space, which has since seeped into pop culture and thence down to Chris.
</blockquote>

;[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Used as a reference to Chris's fecal incontinence.

<blockquote>''I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF '''DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(20_January_2009)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase during an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]] with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]] after they alleged that Chris has a fondness to wear women's underwear. In order to confirm his straightness, he retorted by admitting the fact that he has "NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS". Soon after, due to how humorous the phrase sounded, it became a shorthand for trolls to refer to Chris's fecal incontinence.</blockquote>

;disabled of crafting
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Too apathetic to work

<blockquote>''Since last December with the Lulu.com problems (resolved), that has left me with a bad emotional and mental scar. Leaving me feeling '''disabled of crafting'''...''<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Too lazy to work]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris being defensive when a customer asked how he could be trusted to follow through on an order, when he had failed to send out orders from his Etsy shop, which resulted in his seller account getting closed.
</blockquote>

;dispel
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Reject, turn away

<blockquote>''[T]o dispel me is to discriminate against the LGBTQ community as well.<ref>[[Unban_contracts#GameStop|GameStop unban contract]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misunderstanding of the meaning of the word.</blockquote>

;Dork of Ages
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who deserves scorn for creating an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]] article on you.

<blockquote>He is the '''Dork of Ages'''. Y'all should be sending every last complaint and hatred towards—rain down upon him. Send him every last email you can. Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, [gives a thumbs down] along with him.<ref>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)
]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used on [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he created Chris' Encyclopedia Dramatica page. This phrase was taken from the American Dad episode "Dungeons and Wagons", where Hayley called Steve the "Dork of Ages" while he played "Dragon Shuffle".</blockquote>

;Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Backstabber.

<blockquote>''You could be a Better, More Supportive Friend, instead of a '''Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic''' with your sweetheart!!!''<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-10-5-mad-at-kim-wilson.34948/]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bizarre attempt to turn the title of the Adult Swim cartoon, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] into an insult.</blockquote>

;[[Duck|duck]]
[[Image:BentDuck.jpg|thumb|right|An example of a bent duck]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's penis

<blockquote>''MY '''DUCK''' HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially "duck" was taken to be a typo of "dick" since the "u" and "i" keys are close together. It was later revealed that Chris was using this neologism as an intentional euphemism to refer to his own penis.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mumble_8</ref>

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]]</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== E ==
|-
|

;elbow-greased
[[Image:Elbow-Greased Strength.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris gets swole]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Earned from hard work and exercise

<blockquote>''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism. It appears in his [[resume]], where he lists "elbow-greased strength" as one of his "functional skills"''</blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the idiom, "elbow-grease", a figure of speech humorously used for tasks that involve manual labor only. </blockquote>

;[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]''

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the characters found in Sonichu which are hybrids of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] characters and/or Pokemon.

<blockquote>''Since the inspiration and conception of Sonichu, the '''Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon''' on March 17, 2000, I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_resume</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Despite the name, a majority of "Electric Hedgehog Pokemon" are neither Pokemon or hedgehogs. This misnomer may come from Chris's original characters being hybrids of two Sonic characters, both of whom are hedgehogs (Sonic and Amy Rose) and two Pokémon (Pikachu and Raichu).</blockquote>

;emotional differences

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A strong disagreement between two people.

<blockquote>''I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, '''emotional differences.'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Father_Call#The_Shit_Hits_the_Fan</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris mentioned that he got terminated from [[Wendy's]] in the [[Father Call]], due to their "emotional differences", possibly meaning that a heated argument between him and his employer ensued.</blockquote>

;empirical
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' resorting to experience to gain knowledge rather than through scientific means.

<blockquote>''So, throw away the book talk; be '''empirical''' and believe what you know is fact'' <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2012_Facebook_posts#Empirical</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris attributed the nearly opposite definition of the word to Jeremy Hilary Boob PhD, a character from [[Wikipedia:Yellow Submarine|''Yellow Submarine'']]. Considering this, Chris must have picked up this strange definition from the content in the Beatles Edition of ''Rock Band''.</blockquote>

;entendre

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Charisma or attraction

<blockquote>''Too much '''entendre'''?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Derived from the phrase "double entendre", a figure of speech used for words or phrases with a double meaning, typically [[Duck|with]] [[Mass Debating|one]] [[China|of]] [[Recycling|them]] [[Pickle|being]] [[Comeuppance|risque]].<ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/double%20entendre</ref> In English, the word "entendre" isn't typically used outside of the phrase itself, but in many other languages like French and Catalan, it is understood to mean "to hear" or "to understand". Chris, thinking he knows everything there is to know about the English language, once again thought he would sound smart by using this obscure word.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== F ==
|-
|

;[[Fangs|fangs]]
[[File:Showing_Off_Fangs.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How Chris imagined himself when showing off his canines]]
[[File:ChrisCavities.JPG|thumb|right|200px|The reality. The red arrows point to Chris' cavities]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's canine teeth.

<blockquote>''They're called Eye-Teeth, but they feel and look like '''fangs''' of a vampire, dog or something to me.''<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Your_understanding_me_fukky_.281_January_2009.29]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I'm not afraid to SHOW MY '''FANGS'''!''<ref>[[CWC_Update_8_January_2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes his teeth to be unordinary compared to most other people's teeth, apparently believing canine teeth are some kind of special trait only a selected few people have. Because he believes his canines to be menacing, he gave them the name "fangs". Once in a while, Chris would show off his decaying teeth to scare his enemies. This usually works, although for the wrong reasons.</blockquote>

;faredoo
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection, imperative verb)'' Parting salutation, akin to "goodbye".

<blockquote>''Vessel of my loneliness for the past three years of anguish. I bid you fond...'''faredoo'''. Adieu. Fond farewell adieu...''<ref>[[The MovingFoward videos]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Accidental portmanteau of "farewell" and "adieu".
</blockquote>

;fart-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb and perverted.

<blockquote>Ha Ha! Take THAT, you '''fart-minded''', jerk MALE among ALL fart-minded, jerk Males that make up the Majority of the Worldwide Male Population! -:D<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivtWQTjXCDs</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in the comment section of a Stopmotion Lego animation, where a ''Lego'' minifigure is in a sexual relationship with a ''Lego Friends'' minifigure. Throughout this video, the Lego minifigure essentially acts how Chris believes most men do. At the end of the video, the Lego minifigure proceeds to fart, which disgusts the Lego Friends minifigure. Also a possible butchering of the phrase "brainfart", which is used to humorously refer to a moment of absentmindedness</blockquote>

;firstly
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' A word that indicates that Chris is about to tell someone why he's right. Often not followed by an enumerated list of reasons, despite the implication.

<blockquote>'''''Firstly''', Aspergers is NOTHING Similar to Autism; Aspergers pertains to MEMORY, Autism is Social Skills. and I'm High-Functionally Autistic''<ref>[[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC chat, 02 January 2009]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Use of "firstly" to begin a list, rather than "first," is a matter of dispute among linguistic fags. "Firstly" has fallen out of common use and tends to sound more formal, perhaps overly so. Chris seems to like this formality, probably because he thinks it sounds smart.
</blockquote>

;fondful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' fond.

<blockquote>''Faithfully yours with '''fondful''' thoughts; Chris Chan.''<ref>[[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007|Chris's email to Megan Schroeder]], 06 July 2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently doesn't understand that "fond" is already an adjective by itself.
</blockquote>

;for good-like
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' final, but with the imagined possibility otherwise.

<blockquote>''And in June of 2008, he banned me from the store '''for good-like'''.''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails|Chris's email to The Wallflower]], 18 February 2010</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusing modification of "for good".
</blockquote>

;foundate
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To dedicate, as in a monument or building.

<blockquote>''I, Christian Weston Chandler, re-'''foundate''' this monument that is the PAGE with MY SOLE HONEST TRUTH from my sound mind and heart.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#Captain.27s_Log.2C_Stardate:_June_6.2C_2009|2=Christian in his Own Words}}.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely a portmanteau of "found" and "dedicate", or a bizarre attempt to convert "foundation" into a verb.
</blockquote>

;four-boomerang-shaped symbol
[[File:Fourboom.jpg|thumb|right|"G'Day welcome to Auschwitz"]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' minced oath for "[[Wikipedia:swastika|swastika]]," especially the ''Hakenkreuz'' symbol of the [[Nazis|Nazi]] Party.

<blockquote>''Like Most People, I do not care much for Adolf; he was a terrible man, and even in jest, I WOULD NEVER want to portray him, much less, his '''four-boomerang-shaped symbol''' (I know what it is called, but I do not wish to type the word).''<ref>[[Mailbag 5#That wacky Hitler|Mailbag 5]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris was apparently afraid to say the word "swastika," probably for the same reason he used to fear using racial slurs.
</blockquote>

;[[Fourth Wall|fourth wall]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A boundary that separates [[Reality Cartoon|reality cartoons]] and [[Dimensions|dimensions]] from dimension C-197.

<blockquote>''Hey, Everyone. I have another announcement for you all to do now, for yourselves and our OCs: Break Your Own '''Fourth Wall'''.
<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1195039493130199041</ref>''</blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' An abstract force that prevents people from talking to their OC's.

<blockquote>Our OCs in C-197 often break their '''fourth walls''', because they are aware of us, and it is our time and turn to return the favour.</blockquote>

Origin: Comes from the phrase "breaking the fourth wall", a figure of speech humorously used on characters that acknowledge the audience directly, or state their awareness of the media they're in. Chris has taken this to mean that all dimensions in the universe are separated by this kind of barrier, therefore calling them "the fourth wall". In a recent Twitter post, Chris has also stated that this mysterious force is the reason why people cannot see or interact with their OC's, but that the OC's themselves are fully aware of their creators, so will eventually break through the barrier every once in a while to speak to people of other dimensions.</blockquote>

;[[Friend Zone|friend zone]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The dreaded moment a sweetheart rejects you.

<blockquote>''A lot of times, especially if the friend in question is opposite of gender 18 or older, they may have sex on the brain. And when that person hears from you that you just want to be friends, or in the other term, put into the '''Friend Zone''', that person will feel like they failed at getting the sex they wanted, or Ever will from you.''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The lousiest excuse a sweetheart could give for not having sex with Chris.

<blockquote>''Nothing has happened in Women's Rights; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone the woman deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The Friend Zone refers to a relationship where one person desires romance, while the other only shows interest in friendship. Much like his stance on the Three-Date Rule, Chris believed that the Friend Zone is simply another rule explicitly placed on him by some unspecified authority to slow down his progress on completing his [[Love Quest]]. His belief that this is simply an "excuse" to avoid having sex with him reveals a lot on why he was [[Megan|overly-persistent with]] [[Wallflower|some of]] [[Doopie|his sweethearts]]. He couldn't imagine why any woman would not want to have sex with him, so he came to the conclusion that every woman he stalks are simply unfamiliar with sex and what goes into it.</blockquote>

;[[Fuzzy-wuzzies|fuzzy-wuzzies]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The rewards of giving Chris compliments.

<blockquote>''Compliments will get you '''fuzzy-wuzzies'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Believed to be another example of Chris' random-access humor.

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|prickly-wicklies]]
</blockquote>

{{clear}}
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== G ==
|-
|

;[[Gal pal|gal-pal]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a female friend.

<blockquote>''And also, I would like to give a shout-out to...Ivy, sweet '''gal-pal''' of mine...and her friend Rachel across the hall from her, in a college within these United States!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Update_18_March_2009_More_Updated</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris rarely refers to any of his female friends as just "friends", simply because he thinks that all female friends have the potential to be [[CWC-isms#S|sweethearts]] before they're in the dreaded [[Friend Zone]]. Chris also states that due to his autism, this somehow means that he gets along much more easily with girls than with guys. <ref>Autism Tutorial Part 5</ref> Although this could be more due to the fact that he overall has had much better experiences with girls than with boys growing up, especially in high school. This has caused him to pick up more [[Transgender|effeminate traits and characteristics]]. The term "gal-pal" is typically used by women when they are talking to other people in their social clique. Chris therefore picked this phrase up from the girls he's talked to (possibly using the phrase because he sees himself as "one of the girls").</blockquote>

;gawd
<blockquote>
1. ''(interjection)'' eye dialect of "god", Used in the place of "god" when it is used to express annoyance, shock, or pain.

<blockquote>''Life is f***ed up. (I had a real stressful Sunday afternoon) '''Gawd'''! Just... GAWD!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/2017_tweets#STRESSFUL_SUNDAY._GAWD.21</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly meant to add dramatic effect to saying "god", which is already used to add dramatic effect.</blockquote>

;gaybian
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a male lesbian

<blockquote>''Uh… simply put—and I am willing to say this… in sound mind and body: I… am a '''gaybian'''.''<ref>[[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only used this word once in the video [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]. Before this video, [[Clyde Cash]] had threatened to harm [[Julie]] under the condition that Chris refuses to admit that he's gay. Chris being Chris, he had absolutely no idea that he was once again under another elaborate trolling scheme, and had no clue how to handle the situation. Chris thought he could be sly and admit to being gay, while also being attracted to women. Thus, he tacked on the word "gay" onto "lesbian" to create the word "gaybian" so that he can say that he's a "male lesbian", despite this being a complete contradiction within itself.</blockquote>

;geinus
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|I'M A MAD GEINUS! ROBOTNIK! ROBOTNIK!]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a genius

<blockquote>''Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad '''geinus'''! Robotnik, Robotnik!''<ref>[[Sonichu 1]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An accidental misspelling of "genius", this CWC-ism is the result of Chris's ability to spell, or lack thereof. In his futile attempts to spell words with "eni", he substitutes this with "ein", possibly due to his habit of spelling words phonetically.</blockquote>

;get it through your skulls
<blockquote>
1. (''phrase'') Used to clarify something to your fans
<blockquote>''So everybody '''get it through your skulls''', I'm the real deal.'' <ref>[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this term a lot when trying to clarify various misconceptions about him, such as his straightness, and who the real CWC was. Variations of the phrase include "GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS", "Get it through your damn, dirty, immature skulls!", and "Get through your damn, dirty, stupid, idiotic, immature skulls".</blockquote>

;give birth, give the birth
<blockquote>
1. ''(verb)'' To transfer possession of the state of having been born, by bearing as offspring.

<blockquote>''My mother and my father are both really nice, old-fashioned-type people who not only '''gave the birth'''--gave me birth at their ages...which my mother is sixty-six, currently, and my father is currently eighty. They both just turned that way in the last couple of months. And, uh, I was born in 1982. They gave me the birth...then, and, uh, anyway, it was so nice of--for them to give me the, uh, birth during the early [[1980s]].''<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to think that a sentence like "Barbara gave birth to Christian" is grammatically equivalent to a sentence like "Barbara gave Go-bots to Christian."
</blockquote>

;GO!
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Having a style similar to the cartoon ''Teen Titans Go!''.

<blockquote>''As MUCH, as I would like to agree; Cute as it may be, it is still '''GO!''' Version, and #GOPony is something we Really do not like.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1211396957203247104</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' Of a descent originating from [[Dimensions|dimension CZ-69]].

<blockquote>''Just; Most '''GO!''' individuals are...NO!!!''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1215833863718567937</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this CWC-ism to describe his distaste for the MLP:FiM spinoff series [[Pony Life]], believing it to be in the same vein as Teen Titans Go! due to its artsyle. He would go around on his [[Twitter]] account spamming Hasbro and/or users showing any interest in the show with some of his TSSSF cards as a means of protest using this euphemism to put it under a bad light.
</blockquote>

;go make a rhyme
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate that he is in a [[Chris and writing|poetic]] mood.

<blockquote> ''Oh, Back Off, '''go make a rhyme'''. Love will come your way in good time.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/913230475774369794</ref> Keep Heart, Have hope and faith. Life is a coinkie-dink strafe. Have an open heart, don’t be afraid. Your sweetie is likely in your friendship parade.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris intended to write a rhyme in order to sound poetic in a tweet, continuing with the rhyming schtick in several subsequent ones. Due to his own laziness, the best Chris could come up with in terms of words that rhyme with "time" is "rhyme".
</blockquote>

;[[Godjesus]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|This is who Chris actually believes in.]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(shorthand)'' God and Jesus Christ.

<blockquote> ''As I have guide, as I was guide [sic] by, uh, God and Jesus. And because I, uh, cheated on Ivy lately, '''Godjesus''' were mad at me, so, even though she r-, even though she requested the recent items of question, sex-, [quietly] sexual stuff--videos and pictures--I am being punished because the trolls are getting their hands on them.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Matthew_5:27,_CWC_Confessions</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And also, who I'd like to thank, '''GodJesus''', our God and our Lord and savior, for their support, for their support as well, I pray to them every day, and I follow, I am guided by Jesus.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Update_9_April_2009</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris appears to be somewhat aware of the Holy Trinity (Holy Spirit, Son, and Father), the three forms that God takes in mainstream Christianity. Despite accepting Jesus as the son of God, Chris believes that God and Jesus are essentially the same entity. As a result, whenever he mentions God, he is never reluctant to mention Jesus in the same sentence. Because of this, Chris made this CWC-ism as a shorthand of "God and Jesus". This CWC-ism was the primary inspiration for the term "[[Godbear]]" to humorously refer to [[Leonard Bearstein]], who Chris has credited for his name change. Chris now no longer uses his CWC-ism, now referring to both God and Jesus as separate [[OCs]]. Chris now calls God "Emmanuelle".</blockquote>

;grinds my gears
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate he is annoyed with something.

<blockquote>Firstly, I got your image in my mailbox; while I thank you for your fanart, No Offense, but I do not appreciate Sonichu drawn looking retarded; I feel it '''grinds my gears''' a bit.<ref>[[Mailbag_2#In_which_Chris_insults_someone_who_drew_a_picture_for_him]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>Something that '''grinds my gears''' is how people are not accepting of the neutral terms of "darling" or "dear".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:OpenLetter.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase almost every time he wanted to indicate he was annoyed and not outright [[angry]]. It is believed that Chris has picked up this archaic phrase from [[Family Guy]], specifically from a segment from the show called "What Really Grinds My Gears", where Peter is talking about things that annoy him or "grinds his gears".

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== H ==
|-
|

;hand-drawing
[[Image:Chris holding a pencil.png|thumb|Chris holding a pencil|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An original drawn image, as opposed to a facsimile of that image.

<blockquote>''I mean, does that look like a printout to you? No! It's a '''HAND-DRAWING'''! It's the original hand-drawing of the back cover I constantly used! Among all the other hand drawings on my SHELF! In my BINDERS! IN THIS ROOM! In this house!''<ref>[[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(verb)'' To sketch without the aid of digital technology, such as a computer.
[[File:Sonichuipaddrawing2020.jpg|thumb|A non-example made by Chris.]]
<blockquote>''No, actually, what I thought, is that you skip the '''hand-drawing''' and you draw everything on your PhotoShop with your computer mouse.''<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's process for producing his drawings is to draw them, by hand, on physical paper, and then scan the paper into his computer and use image editing software to add effects like lettering or (for the purpose of breaking the fourth wall) photographs. He takes comfort in the belief that ownership of the original paper drawings is evidence of his authorship and will frequently cite this in defense against perceived thieves and trolls.

Chris also thinks that drawing on a computer instead of paper is an inferior method of producing artwork; he thinks the results look "blocky and low-resolution," which probably speaks more to his [[:File:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg|his own experience using MSPaint]] than the artistic quality of, for example, [[Asperchu]]. The fact that a digital artist like Alec Benson Leary is nonetheless ''using his hands'' does not seem to have occurred to Chris.
</blockquote>

;Haterade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a metaphorical drink consumed by haters.
<blockquote>''Therefore, for all of you '''Haterade'''-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress. <ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Put down the '''Haterade'''; this is not going against any rules, it is just the way it is. Hey! I still have my flaws, so I am definitely Not a Mary Sue type of OC. Also, if I wanted a shot glass of '''Haterade''', I would read most anything this dimension’s @realDonaldTrump ever wrote.''<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun, informal)'' excessive negativity, criticism, or resentment.

<blockquote>''This is in reference to the Nypical '''Haterade''' Comment of “Get A Job” that is not only thrusted upon me, but to everyone who is creative and have powerful in their own respective, individual rights.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Originally said by Lars in the 2010 [[Lars Call]]. Chris then used it almost nine years later. Likely a pun on the sports drink Gatorade.
</blockquote>
;[[heart level]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his emotional state

<blockquote>''100% Change the number to change your '''heart level''' and you can write a sentence to indicate how you feel.''<ref>[[Heart_level]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The concept of the "heart level" most likely stems from Chris's inability to understand emotions. As an alternative, Chris tends to use video game terms in order to measure such emotions.</blockquote>

;heartsweet
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Rosey, as often as birds tweet, will you be my lovely '''heartsweet'''?''<ref>"[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]"</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Rearrangement of "sweetheart," possibly coined initially to provide more rhyming options in poetry. Chris primarily uses this term in Sonichu's dialogue, as the character's pet name for Rosechu. When speaking for himself, Chris tends to prefer "sweetheart," although the trolls use "heartsweet" in conversation with him.

''See also: [[sweetbolt]]''
</blockquote>

;heavyweight
[[File:Studalert.png|thumb|Chris does NOT look like Chris Farley]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Stockboy; person employed to move heavy objects and perform other menial labor.

<blockquote>If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY. [...] If I have to I would be, get one of the '''heavyweights''', that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' heavy.

<blockquote>I do not think Chris Farley looks like me at all, plus he was a LOT more '''heavyweight''' than me, and he was more wild than me.<ref>[[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, as usual, has to repurpose words rather than use the existing words that already mean what he wants to say.
</blockquote>

;hedgehog-defensive (or hedgehog)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Protecting oneself by curling up into a ball, just like a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]].

<blockquote>And I do understand all that. Believe me, and I need not be reminded of the worst part, but my '''hedgehog-defensive''' state and all of the tears and leaking mucus and whole body paralysis that happened to me then and there will haunt me in reminder of that.<ref>[[TooManyGames#Personal_space_talk]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>@MLPSilverQuill, having one’s own spirit killed is really not fun nor funny at all. And, believe me, I was literally in a worse huddled position than what I see here, and I FELT DEVASTATED at that moment. I went full '''Hedgehog Defensive''' and let my quills keep others back. It Hurts<ref>[[April_2019_social_media_posts#Hedgehog-defensive_state]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacing the likes of his [[Megatron pistol]] and his [[pepper spray]], Chris has adapted the habit of rolling up into a ball to protect himself from unwanted physical contact. The protective state he dubs "the hedgehog-defensive state" is most likely based off of the spin-dash attack from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, which the titular character uses to attack foes.</blockquote>

;[[HEXBox]]
[[File:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the video game consoles made by Microsoft, primarily the XBox 360.

<blockquote>I never cared for the '''HEXBox''', and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT.</blockquote>

Origin: Due to his [[Chris and brand loyalty|Brand Loyalty]], Chris had an irrational hatred for the XBox, simply because of how much you've got to pay for it to access some of its content<ref>[[Mailbag_5]]</ref>. Because Chris viewed this device as a curse to humanity, he tacked the word "hex", which is defined as being a curse, onto the original name of the console.</blockquote>

;hide behind/under his mother's skirt
<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' To behave in a cowardly, immature fashion.

<blockquote>''You come to me now. Come face me like a man. Unless you want to continue being called a cow-a quivelling coward who '''hides under his mother's skirt'''.''<ref>[[Challenge for Clyde II]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An antiquated phrase alluding to children literally hiding behind their mother's skirts when frightened.
</blockquote>

;[[homo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A male homosexual

<blockquote>''Yes; the '''Homos''' I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Common_Questions''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' homosexual

<blockquote>''Every one of you who thinks I'm '''homo''' and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm straight! I'm straight!''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(adjective)'' relating to homosexuals

<blockquote>''Again, to reiterate the issue, THE GOD DAMN F***IN' '''Homo''' Ads MUST BE GONE!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Blog</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had a hatred for homosexuals, out of fear that he'll become one himself. Even uttering words like "gay" and "homosexual" make him uncomfortable.</blockquote>

;[[Honest Content|honest]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' NSFW, containing adult content.

<blockquote>''Parental Advisory - VERY '''HONEST''' content.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic10P97.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only has a slightly good understanding of what honesty is. However, Chris doesn't seem to understand when it's most appropriate to be honest. In his mind, to attract mates, he has to be honest all of the time, even if this includes instances of his sexual misadventures. Chris knows that he's not supposed to discuss such topics publically with ordinary people, so he would have to keep such things in secret. Therefore, in his mind, it would be the honest thing to do to discuss such actions.
</blockquote>

;Hurtful Truth Level
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A point at which honest criticism should be stopped so as to avoid hurting a person's feelings, regardless of the usefulness of the advice.

<blockquote>''And another thing, When constantly exceeding that '''Hurtful Truth Level''' to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in an email to Jackie after she had pointed out several glaring flaws in Chris's lifestyle and personality. Rather than take her criticism to heart and improve himself, he got angry and defensive, wishing that she would show sympathy for him instead.
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== I ==
|-
|

;I can feel the cosmos
[[File:I can feel the cosmos.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Statement of achievement and oneness with the universe.

<blockquote>''I promise, uh, three da—three pages a day, drawn or colored, but, also with the, uh, website, and God/Jesus's support, I feel like... we will be seeing many new—many new thing. The website will be better. '''I can feel the cosmos!''' Peace.''<ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by a line from the game Katamari Damacy, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmWxNFq6_3U "Oh, I feel it. I feel the cosmos."]
</blockquote>

;I got a fish

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Claim that one owns a fish.

<blockquote>'''''I got a fish!''' Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fish Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish?''<ref>[[I_Got_A_Fish]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a song of the same name, where Chris' [[random-access humor]] shines.</blockquote>

;I HATE ME TOO!!!

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' A self-destructive phrase used to attempt to gain pity from trolls

<blockquote>''You know what, '''I HATE ME TOO!!!'''''<ref>[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as part of the title of a gallery found on Chris’s [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Page.
</blockquote>

;[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expressed angrily when you wish to break someone apart to kill them

<blockquote>''Jason Kendrick Howell... you BASTARD! BASTARD! You hacked into everything! You have driven me so beyond the wall, I can't even DESCRIBE it! YOU'RE LAUGHING NOW, BUT... '''I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD!''' Goodbye!''<ref>[[Jason Kendrick Howell message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as a [[death threat]] to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he has hacked Sonichu.net.</blockquote>

;IBAChandler
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Abbreviation for "I be a chandler," i.e., "I am a person named 'Chandler.'"

<blockquote>''I am so sick of hearing that stupid name that somebody made up back when I had that '''IBAChandler''' account, and I be a Chandler. You know, "I" being myself, "B" standing for specifying who I am, and "Chandler" being my last name.''<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(proper noun)'' [[YouTube]] username in use by Christian Weston Chandler during his conflict with [[Liquid Chris]], leading trolls to accuse Chris of being an impostor of Liquid named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]].

3. ''(proper noun)'' Name of a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' villain based upon Liquid Chris, ironically named for the real Chris's alias.

<blockquote>'''''I B A Chandler''', And I am here to copycatly sieze claim of you hedgehogs and this city from your absent mayor's domain.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 79</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by [[Bob Chandler]]'s license plate, "I B MR C" ("I be Mister C.").<ref>[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;ID
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Identifying.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and Vestites; '''ID''' as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-335#post-2635076]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly derived from ID meaning "Identification". </blockquote>

;[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the extremely high probability that any woman Chris talks to is not [[CWC-isms#boyfriend-free|boyfriend-free]].

<blockquote>''With the '''infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor''', I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_emails,_Aug-Dec_2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In general, Chris will almost never find a sweetheart.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sweetheart#Will_Chris_ever_have_a_Sweetheart.3F</ref> Already aware of this fact, but not willing to admit he's not at all attractive to most women, Chris blames it on the fact that most men are "jerks", and that one probably is already dating the woman he's trying to latch onto.</blockquote>

;instinction

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An instance of something being used a certain way.

<blockquote>''Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all '''instinctions''' and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_and_English</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Once again an instance of Chris trying to sound smart by using a word that sounds foreign to him, made up or otherwise. The end result, however, gives the impression that Chris isn't familiar with the word "instances".

</blockquote>

;iron curtain
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The mostly hermetic seal between [[Reality Cartoon]]s, such as the [[Chris and reality|real world]] and the fictional universe containing [[CWCville]], that prevents the [[Dimensional Merge]] from proceeding.

<blockquote>''But we are getting increasing magics, here, with more and more opening portals and growing tears and cracks in the '''iron curtain'''''.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-11-19-chris-begs-while-posting-creepy-photo-of-barb.63305/post-5610374 Twitter, 19 November 2019]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Coined by Sir Winston Churchill in 1946 to refer to the limits of Russian intrusion into central Europe after the War. Chris presumably heard it once in [[Manchester High School|history class]] and forgot what it meant, unless he is comparing his fictional world to the [[Chris and censorship|Soviet Union]].

''See Also:'' [[#F|fourth wall]]</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== J ==
|-
|
;janekop
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A female [[CWC-isms#jerkop|jerkop]].

<blockquote>''YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. SO SAYS THIS '''JANEKOP'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Feelings_of_the_election_results</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas the term "jerkop" is a portmanteau of the CWC-ism "jerk" and the word "cop", janekop is a portmanteau of the words "jane" and "cop". The word "jane" is a slang word for "woman". <ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jane</ref>
</blockquote>
;[[JERKS|jerk]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. Any man that Chris dislikes, particularly one that gets in the way of his LoveQuest.

<blockquote>''On the flip side, I feel discomfort around men, because they can be such mean and cruel '''jerks'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_Girls</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "jerk" is generally defined as "A person with unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior, typically mean, self-centered or disagreeable." <ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/jerk#Etymology_1</ref>. As stated in the quote above, Chris believes that all men to be cruel, selfish, and overall unlikeable. Therefore, he views almost all men as jerks.
</blockquote>
;[[Jerkop|jerkop]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. An official of the law.

<blockquote>''I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid '''Jerkops'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Get-Tar_Region</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris views most officers of the law as jerks, due to how often they'd thwart his LoveQuest, the term is a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop". Possibly a pun on the word "jerkoff", which is defined as being "a contemptible man". <ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/jerk--off</ref></blockquote>

;[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAAAAAY]]
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|thumb|Chris preparing for hanky-panky with Julie, using a blow-up doll no less]]
<blockquote>''(interjection)'' 1. An expression used by Chris to indicate how much he'd love having sex for the first time with [[Julie]]

<blockquote>"Oh, Julie...'''JULAAAAAY''', JULAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/For_Julie%27s_Eyes_Only</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first shouted this infamous CWC-ism in the video [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]. He originally intended to share this video privately with [[Julie]], unaware that she's actually a 13-year-old troll, to show what their first date would amount to, despite this breaking his Three Date Rule. Seeing how Chris was somewhat of a porn junkie,<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Chris%27s_Adam_%26_Eve_purchases</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Miyamoto_emails#Chris_Sets_the_Record_STRAIGHT</ref>, Chris must have picked up that during sexual intercourse, one of the people may shout the name of the other person in order to "spice up" the orgy. When the video got leaked soon after, the term started to be used by trolls humorously, to the point where [[weens]] started using the phrase in excess, making the CWC-ism lose its luster.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;jumping the shark
<blockquote>''(verb)'' 1. To start over from scratch

<blockquote>"I am moving out of this Twitter into creating a new one I created, @CPU_CWCSonichu. New and renewed followers will all be screened by my ally, as to keep out the Haters and Harassers. Starting up new and fresh. '''Jumping The Shark''' from old to new"<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-2-12-chriss-new-twitter.53309/#post-4316470</ref>

</blockquote>

Origin: The term "jumping the shark" humorously refers to the point where something once great and popular steadily declines in popularity. Ironically enough, despite Chris' misuse of the phrase, many people could easily say that Chris "jumped the shark" several times during his internet presence, even when he decided to create a new account after the Soft Exile.

</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== K ==
|-
|
;kawaii
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' cute or adorable.

<blockquote>''That look really suits you; you look so '''kawaii''' and cool.😊''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1209184205776797697</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The mainstream Japanese word typically used to describe cute subculture. Chris has used this word in almost all cases where he describes anything he thinks is cute and cuddly, more so in recent times, where the use of this word is no longer taken seriously, and seen as more of a joke to poke fun at [[Joshua Wise|weeaboos]].</blockquote>

;[[Kick the Autistic]]
[[File:CWC gets kicked.jpg|thumb|A self-administered kick]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' America's favorite game

<blockquote>''I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED CRYSTAL. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC!"''' *sigh*''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chop_Chop_Master_Onion%27s_Rap_Showdown</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any action which involves doing something to Chris that he doesn't like

<blockquote>''And if you have so much free time to play the cruelest game of '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC"''', then you CAN and SHOULD put the time to better use; volunteer for a social chore; take up the culture in tasteful art; go out and socialize.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#21_January</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' Any form of discrimination towards Chris for being [[autism|autistic]].

<blockquote>''And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of "'''Kick the Autistic'''". I'm gonna need all the luck I can get. *Game Over*''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Vivitheg%27s_AIM_chat</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had this paranoid idea that the whole world is going against him and his goals, solely due to his autism. In this sense, the fact that so many people supposedly wanted to thwart his goals made him feel like he was being "kicked" around. </blockquote>

;Kra-Kow!

<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase indicating that Chris roasted someone.

<blockquote>''What? I’m just telling the truth. I hear and see WORSE shit from you Haters. At this point, I’d rather look back in that memory than PTSD over y’all’s Hate-Filled content. '''Kra-Kow!'''''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1231269768310722560</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== L ==
|-
|

;[[Laughs Under Lucricities]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(backronym)'' backronym for "LULZ"

<blockquote>''Although, F.Y.I., "LULZ" is short for "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''"''<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any form of humor made at Chris' expense

<blockquote>''... your bully of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE''<ref>Chris emails 2008</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris knows "lulz" is a variant of "LOL" and that it does not actually stand for anything, although he seems to think it must be written in all-caps anyway like an acronym. Originally he would simply say "LULZ" ''ought'' to stand for "Laughs Under Lucricities," but he soon began implying that it already does.<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2008|Email]] from Chris to Robert Simmons V on 12 August 2008</ref>

</blockquote>

;lesbian soul
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' What Chris believes to be his true [[Chris and sexuality|sexuality]].

<blockquote>''I am an all-around, good natured, high-functioning autistic, Female '''Lesbian Soul''', and Transwoman, artist, gamer and creative type.''<ref>https://www.facebook.com/pg/cwcville/about/</ref></blockquote>

 </blockquote>
;level-up king
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Master of card games.

<blockquote>''There must have been about 6 people including Chris and myself at the tourney and when he won he was jumping up and down a yelling "I'm the '''level up king'''!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Follow_up</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before his permanent ban from the [[GAMe PLACe]], Chris would play games of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh with some of the other customers. Despite his sick obsession with both games, Chris never developed any type of strategy to compete with other players, making it very difficult to succeed at the game, even when he played against small children. Eventually, when the shop was just down to six people, which included Chris, the manager, [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]], and [[Lucas]], Chris did win a match against a relatively new player, and excitedly jumped up and down at this accomplishment like a child. Along with this, he shouted the phrase "I AM THE LEVEL-UP KING!"</blockquote>

;like, you know
<blockquote>1. ''(discourse particle)'' Space filler during sentence.

<blockquote>''I don't want too much conflict to happen, '''like, you know'''. You wouldn't want too much conflict to happen, like, you know. I mean-like, you know, between you and him any further. Yeah.''<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris' speech consists mostly of uh's, um's, and other vocalized pauses.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;live from home once again
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction stating that one is recording themselves from their home.

<blockquote> ''Hello everybody this is Christine Chandler coming to you '''live from home once again''' and we're going to talk about the recent and more obvious topic, of "The Dimensional merge". Yes! This dimension! Right here! 1218. Is going to be merged with our sister dimension "C197" where all of our s- where most of our superheroes, super-villains, OCs, and what have you, and other characters, consisted, have been existing and co-existing. Yep!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Dimensional_Merge_Announcements</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase became Chris's typical means of starting his videos since late 2015, replacing the famous Captain's Log. Although it is sometimes used appropriately (i.e. livestreams), Chris uses the phrase even in prerecorded videos that are not, in fact, live.</blockquote>

;[[Love Quest]]
<blockquote>1.''(noun)'' Chris's former on-going search for a sweetheart.

<blockquote>''As for Wes, I blame all of these happenings on him. If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me, I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring '''LOVE QUEST'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Story_of_My_Current_Days</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since attending [[PVCC]], Chris has embarked on a 15-year long quest to find his true love. Chris constantly failing to achieve this goal was what gave this CWC-ism its name.</blockquote>

;lovehog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A lover in a relationship between two [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Also, I have finished the drawing for you, and I have shown off the Original '''LoveHog''' Couple's Wedding Rings, and their three children: Cerah Rosey, Robbie Sonee and (Shiney Rosey) Christine Rosey.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Katie_Bay_E-mails_4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehog".</blockquote>

;lucricities
<blockquote>1. ''(pl. noun)'' lurid acts or motivations

Origin: Chris completely made this word up, presumably based on "lucrid," which may in turn be based on the actual word "lurid." According to Chris, the word "lulz" can mean either "Laughs at my expense" or "Laughs under lucricities," so presumably the two contexts are equivalent.
</blockquote>

;lucrid
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' obscene, profane, wicked
<blockquote>''And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose—such '''lucrid''' mockeries is not gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...''<ref name=csm>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Possibly a corruption of "lurid," given the context. Alternatively, it might be a corruption of "ludicrous." Chris has used this word to describe the homoerotic/dickgirl art on the ED page, as well as the fan comic in which he was depicted as a man-baby. Ironically, even before Chris used this word
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== M ==
|-
|

;make one's own peeps n' poops

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to urinate and deficate at the same time

<blockquote>''Uh, actually, uh, actually Crystal is uh, doing, is uh, doing her preschool homework, and uh, Reg-, and Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' babychild! '''Made his lil' peeps n' poops'''! And he went, and he went weewee all over the bathroom.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/PlayingHouse''</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a clip of Family Guy, where Herber the Pervert is letting his dog out to "make his pees n' poops". <ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtlwEfZEmrg</ref></blockquote>

;Mama
[[File:Christine and pikachu.jpg|right|thumb|Mama Christine with a Pikachu.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' What Chris refers to himself as when roleplaying as one of his [[OCs]].

<blockquote>''I am going to some shopping and donating amongst the artists affected by the COVID virus of this Dimension, on behalf of '''Mama''', Chris Chan Sonichu. Thank you, again, to the individual who bought the book set recently. Still waiting for the set of #TSSSF cards to sign and offer.''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1251259373810302977</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes himself to be a parent to his characters. Since he identifies as a woman, he has given himself the alias “Mama”. Chris further shows his lack of self-awareness by not realizing how awkward it is to have anyone, even his own characters (who are presumably teenagers) refer to him as such.</blockquote>

;[[Mass debating|mass debate]]
[[File:Mass_Debate.jpg|right|thumb|Massive Debating]]
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to pleasure one's self; to masturbate

<blockquote>''I've actually done it '''mass debating''' to myself so many times, even with a hunk of - even with an inflatable plastic woman...''</blockquote>

Origin: This particular euphemism comes from Chris's tendency to refrain from using inappropriate language, as well as his unusual variation of a southern accent combined with a minor speech impediment.</blockquote>

;[[Manajerks|manajerk]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a store manager

<blockquote>''And then these two guys- and then these two '''manajerks''' approached me.''</blockquote>

Origin: A portmantau of "manager" and "jerk". </blockquote>

;mashed potato grenade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[Wikipedia:Stielhandgranate|Stielhandgranate]], a special German hand grenade with a handle.

<blockquote>''I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my '''mashed potato grenade''' could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2013_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a Facebook post sent to [[Megan Schroeder]] accusing her of his ban from the [[Game Place]], where he [[Chris and reality|makes paranoid claims]] of what she, [[Mimms]], [[Lucas]], and [[Snyder]] were thinking that day. A corruption of "potato masher grenade", a common English nickname of the Stielhandgranate<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stielhandgranate</ref>.</blockquote>

;mental block

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris' autism

<blockquote>''And, uh, during my high school years, I was used to being surrounded by… girls… in my circle, and after having to, uh, leave them I felt ever so lonesome. And, after the stress from some of the people—people at PVCC, as well as my '''mental block''' of autism, it became hard from me to approach gir—approach the girls like I used to.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Chan%27s_Public_Announcement</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to his [[autism]] as a "mental block" because he believes the term refers to a disability. In his case, his supposed disability to socialize with girls. In reality, a mental block is the inability to remember a specific thing at a given moment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_block</ref></blockquote>

;mislabel

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to put a label on Chris or any of his creations in a way he doesn't like, regardless of truth
2. ''(noun)'' a label of such slanderous nature; see also "misunderstanding"
<blockquote>''I am NOT a Dictator. Why are you giving me an even WORSE '''Mislabeling''' than the Homosexual Mislabelings? Why do YOU have to be so bored that you have to make up NEW mislabelings to try and deface me over and over again? ''<ref>[[Common Questions#1_February_2010]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Just about everywhere. He appears to use this term as often as the word "slanderous". Curiously, the redundancy "ill-mislabeling" (as if there were any other kind) has appeared once.<ref>[[CWC Blog#28_December_2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;misspeak

<blockquote>1.''(verb)'' to lie

<blockquote>''Sometimes, I have '''misspoke'''. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. Hand to God. And on my Bible. I'd have to go look for it.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/ToJackie</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Instead of accepting that someone has called him out on [[Lies|his bullshit]], Chris prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this ploy.

</blockquote>

;misunderstanding

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a deliberate view that contradicts Chris; see also "mislabel"
<blockquote>''*AND WE WILL NOT TAKE THE '''MISUNDERSTANDINGS''', THE MISLABELS, AND ALL THE LIKE SITTING DOWN!!!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Issue_9/Page_39|2=Issue 9 Page 39}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misappropration. Note that it is not, as in reality,<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misunderstanding Merriam-Webster Dictionary, "misunderstanding"]</ref> a mistaken notion (alternatively a dispute) based on faulty information, but a malicious action worthy of [[tard rage]]. Apparently a slanderous troll has to actively "misunderstand" Chris. Also, Chris has used the related word "misunderstood" (participle adjective) as an insult, not realizing that if the troll misunderstood (transitive verb) him, ''Chris'' would be the one that was misunderstood (participle adjective).<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Rosechu_the_transwoman|Mailbag 39]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;modnar
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' random

<blockquote>''I may be '''modnar''', but I try not to be offensive, and if I do, then I am sorry. I can not please Everyone.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Random", spelt backwards.</blockquote>

;[[Monthly tugboat|monthly tugboat]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's Social Security Disability Service

<blockquote>"I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a '''monthly tugboat.'''"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Monthly_tugboat#References_by_Chris</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently coined the term "Monthly Tugboat" due to a comparison he makes between gaining money through his SSDS vs. winning the lottery. In his mind, winning the lottery is like riding a "Luxury ship that can easily sink", while gaining money from the government is the same as getting cargo from a ship pulled by a tugboat. <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_Skype_Logs_12</ref></blockquote>

;morrow

<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' Synonym for moral.

<blockquote>''The '''Morrow''' remains: Look up to whoever and whatever you like as your childhood hero like no one else is watching you; remain proud with your choice and preference. 💜⚡️''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Chris supports playing with whatever toys you want]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Unknown, possibly a corruption of the word moral. Used exclusively by Magi-Chan during Chris month-long twitter roleplay in August and September of 2019.
</blockquote>

;[[Muscle bra|muscle bra]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A sports bra used for covering a man's bare chest.

<blockquote>''And you know what, I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a '''muscle bra'''. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Clyde_is_Weaker_than_Water</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Contributing to his previous fear of the homos, Chris also had a fear of seeing the bare chests of other men out of fear that it'll make him gay. He therefore suggested that men cover their chests under penalty of the law. Chris most likely adapted this name due to some weird association he makes between muscles and sports.
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== N ==
|-
|

;[[naïve]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb, lacking intelligence.

<blockquote>''You are such a cowardly, '''naïve''', retarded, individual.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers</ref ></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only seems to understand the most simplified definition of the word. In general terms, the word "naïve" is defined as "showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment."<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/naive</ref> However, in Chris's mind, the word is used to "question one's intelligence". Despite his distaste for the use of the word on him, this turns out to be a commonly used insult by Chris.</blockquote>

[[File:FRENCH-NAVY-CameraObscura.jpg|thumb|Chris travels to France]]
;navy
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' semen.

<blockquote>''You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the '''navy''' being drunk. Yeah. Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Play on words, i.e, a navy is a collection of seamen/semen.

''See also: [[CWC-isms#C|Comeuppance]]''
</blockquote>

;nearly same
<blockquote>1. ''(Adjective)'' Similar.

<blockquote>''And so I killed about killed about twenty miles round trip for gas to go find her house. But it turns out that was a troll posing as that girl. [sighs] THE VOICES SOUNDED '''NEARLY SAME'''.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;neurotypically hindered
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Lacking the proper mindset or intelligence to understand Chris' world building, just by being normal.

<blockquote>''Go ahead; that Is what happened that day, and they did not mind it much. To mock us makes you all Soo '''Neurotypically Hindered'''.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1203938198424035329</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes that the term "neurotypical" refers to having average brain function, rather than lacking any sort of [[Autism|autistic]] traits.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1207129697752141824</ref> He believes that if one only possesses average intelligence, it makes it impossible for them to fully accept his fantasy world, thus claiming it as a "hindrance".

</blockquote>

;neutral
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' platonic.

<blockquote>''I apologize, but I meant the term '''neutrally''', and I never meant anything from that.''<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And One More thing, Darling!... Talluah Bankhead would be Insulted with your response to the term's '''neutral''' usage. Hmpf!'<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes words like "darling" and "dear", are gender neutral terms. Because of this, he assumes that if he claims that he used it in a "neutral" way, people will know he's not using the term in a romantic tone.

</blockquote>
<blockquote>2. ''(adjective)'' politically centrist or nonpartisan.

<blockquote>''He is a communist! And we do not like communists within this country! We are Republican, Democrat or ''' neutral'''... And I am '''neutral''', so I can go either way, but I do not exactly care much for communism!'<ref>[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Niggo|niggo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An African-American person.

<blockquote>''Chris: [sighs, raises his voice] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE!</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: Where he will be raped by a bunch of '''niggos'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Julie_Reveals_Herself</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bastardization of the racial slur "nigger". This minced oath was used only once after [[BlueSpike]] persuaded Chris to say: "''BILLY MAYS is the new mayor of CWCville, and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers''". Chris decided to repeat this phrase, but he also thought he could "outsmart" BlueSpike by replacing "niggers" with "niggos" in order to avoid saying the offending word directly. Ironically, a whole year after the incident, Chris referred to [[Surfshack Tito]] as a "nigger" [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|several]] [[Surfshack Tito E-mails|times]], despite not even knowing what he looks like.</blockquote>

;[[Nombie-zazis|nombie-zazis]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' zombie nazis

<blockquote>''Anyway, as for the medical study, and this will require your aid, Magi-Chan. In June of 2015, the scientists have found the gene-like molecule which makes a person turn...ugh..'''nombie-zazis'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Son10revp3.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacement for homosexuals and homosexuality in the revised [[Sonichu 10]].</blockquote>

;not-troll
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a victim of trolling.

<blockquote>''Consider who does more harassing, which do you block? <ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-278#post-2549629]]</ref>
<blockquote>
*Every Foul-Mouth Troll
*The '''Not-Troll''' they follow</blockquote>''</blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's mind, only two types of people exist on [[the Internet]], those who are trolls, and those who are victims of trolling. Because the person being trolled is supposedly '''not''' a troll, they are a "not-troll". Chris eventually deleted the aforementioned post, and reposted it, replacing "not-troll" with "victim" to clarify what he was referring to in the first place.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-279</ref></blockquote>

;[[Noviophobia|noviophobia]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the fear that someone you want to date is already dating someone else.

<blockquote>''His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of '''Noviophobia''', where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “A Jerk.”''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_News_Dash</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Because Chris was so frustrated with so many [[CWC-isms#J|jerks]] stealing his potential mates, Chris decided that his envy and hatred of men was a real phobia. Thus, overconfident in his ability to speak [[Spanish]], formed the word "noviophobia" by using the Spanish word ''novio'', meaning "boyfriend", and the English suffix, -phobia, meaning fear . </blockquote>
</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== O ==
|-
|
;[[OC]]
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creator. A god or deity, including [[Chris and religion#Delusions of godhood|Chris himself]].

<blockquote>''I recall that there was a Mythos about me online: myself, Chris Chan, I; I was an '''OC''' in my own stories; was I Real in this “Reality” that is Dimension 1218? And then I was confirmed in late 2007 with that blurry photograph of me in a moment of great shock and stress.''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creation. A resident of a [[Reality Cartoon|cartoon dimension]]

<blockquote>''I am pleased to announce from this collab piece alone, we have ten Sonichu/Rosechu '''OCs''' confirmed for the OC Expansion Packs of our #TSSSF set of cards, and then some, as I’m also delegating with my other friends as well. This is going to be a massive and lovely OC party!''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Short for ''original character'', a common term used by fanfiction authors for characters invented by themselves and used in their stories yet not present in the source material. Chris believes that fictional characters [[Chris and reality|really]] exist in other [[dimensions]], and under the [[Idea Guys]]' influence was convinced they are deserving of worship. Beginning with the Console Patron Units from ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'', he has since generalised this idea on his own.</blockquote>

;OH! MY AXELS! (or OW! MY AXELS!)
[[File:Axels2.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of pain in one's axles (the central shafts of rotating wheels or gears in a machine).

<blockquote>'''''OOOHHHHHH!!!! MY AXELS!!!!!'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Written for [[Ghostbusters|Ghost Buggy]]'s cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], based upon the character's tendency to complain about its aching mechanical components.</blockquote>

;OH, MY CHRIS CHAN!
[[File:CWC GoPony reaction.jpg|thumb|150px|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Exclamation uttered by Chris during his phases of holding a [[messiah complex]] and [[role-play]]ing as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].

<blockquote>''Why the Hell would you read that personal shit about [[Chris|Mama]] with [[Gal Pal E-mails 4#Chris fucks himself|the penis thing]]? '''[[CPU Blue Heart|Oh, My Chris Chan]]!'''''<ref>[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Typed as a comment for the [[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]] episode involving an embarrassing email.</blockquote>

;old-fashioned<blockquote>
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Holding a belief that may be considered politically incorrect.

<blockquote>''But still, call me '''old-fashioned''' but, I'd rather be- I would not- I'd uh- I'd definitely wouldn't uh... NOT BLACK. Not black.''<ref>[[Mumble_4]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''My father is '''OLD FASHIONED'''; he NEVER gives thought to homos, and he HATES them too.''<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to regard most traditional beliefs and rituals to be offensive to the general public.

2. ''(adjective)'' Dating back to the 1980s.

<blockquote>''Ah, you can tell this is an '''old-fashioned''' Lego set on account of this—the old-fashioned "LegoLand" on the corner.''<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to believe anything that's been made more than 5 years ago is as old as dirt.

3. ''(adjective)'' Preferring real women over waifus.
<blockquote>''Nothing against waifus and the people who have them, but I Never Really understood the appeal and concept of making out a character from a show who is Dimensions Away from your own league to be any sort of a significant other to you. I’m more '''old-fashioned''' towards real women.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/954587249622077440</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. However, Chris seemed to use this word like this because he's aware it isn't considered customary to be sexually attached to fictional characters over real people.

</blockquote>

;ounce of vagina

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Essentially Chris's way of saying "I'll at least lose my virginity at some point".

<blockquote>''And, as for you, Jason Kendrick Howell… as sure as I am to get at least one '''ounce of vagina''', I have your number, and you're going down!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Attention_All_Sonichu_Fans_(NOT_HATERS)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Obviously confused when it comes to both euphemisms and basic units of measure, Chris has stated that he is sure to get "at least one ounce of vagina" within his lifetime.<ref>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]</ref> Which, after an encounter with a girl named [[Mia Hamm]], may be true...[[Virgin with rage|or not]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008]]</ref>
</blockquote>
;outercourse
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the act of stimulating someone else's genitals.

<blockquote>''I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of '''outtercourse''''' [sic]'' (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_emails,_2008#Chris_thinks_she_was_scarred_because_she_doesn.27t_know_much_about_sex</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "outercourse" is actually another way to refer to dry humping.<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/outercourse</ref> In Chris's mind however, outercourse simply refers to sex which involves touching each other genitals, because they happen outside of the body.</blockquote>

;overpowered (or OP)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Chris essentially admitting that he or his creations have a disproportionate amount of strength, which is worn as a badge of honor.

<blockquote>''If I was a neuro-typical mind, as opposed to '''overpowered''' psychic, I’d have gotten dizzy. ''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A term normally meant to refer to imbalance in game mechanics. Chris adapted the term at some point during or after the [[Idea Guys]] saga.</blockquote>

{{clear}}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== P ==
|-
|

;parkay
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an epic style of running

<blockquote>''Hello there, fans! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown mall, where for the Sonichu franchise and city of CWCville, and everything like that, I'm gonna do a '''parkay''' from this point all the way down to the gara--parking garage where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_Edge</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], Chris calls his style of running "parkay". Chris confused his running as a form of parkour, an acrobatic sport typically used in the military as a means of practicing the navigation of a complex environment without the use of equipment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour</ref>. Given Chris's [[Speech Impediment]], the word "parkour" somehow came out as "parkay".
</blockquote>

;[[Parody|parody]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any work that "borrows" characters, plots, or styles from other pieces of fiction, whether infringing International [[Copyright]] Law or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise '''parodic'''.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:Issue_8_Cover.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of what constitutes as a parody most likely comes from his interest in shows like [[Family Guy]] and [[Excel Saga]], the former of which use copyrighted characters to make jokes around them, and the latter of which parodied various clichés found in anime. In his mind, because those shows can get away with using such characters and scenes, that gives him an excuse to do the same thing in his comics as long as he states it's being done as a "parody". Ironically, Whenever Chris spoted an actual parody, he thought that the characters from the original work were being defaced.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Parody#Chris_does_not_understand_the_concept_of_parody</ref></blockquote>

;peanut
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who disregards you, or otherwise does not accept you for who you are.

<blockquote>''So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total '''peanuts'''. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?''<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Apparently derived from "[[Wikipedia:peanut gallery|peanut gallery]]," a term used to describe the hecklers in an vaudeville audience who would throw peanuts at a performer. Chris's own spin on this concept is to dismiss such hecklers as being insignificant like literal peanuts.
</blockquote>

;[[Pedofork|pedofork]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pedophile.

<blockquote>''I am not a '''pedofork''', you DORKS!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC%27s_Second_Message</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Created as a half-assed attempt to make "pedophile" rhyme with dork. Coined in Chris's [[Madman Rising]] video, in response to the trolls who were comparing him to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_(Family_Guy_character)| Herbert the Pervert] from Family Guy.</blockquote>

;[[Pickle|pickle]]
[[File:Pickle Rick.jpg|right|thumb|Chris bought this back in 2018. The brine soaked irony!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A penis, particularly one of [[JERKS|any man that isn't Chris]].

<blockquote>''Do me a favor, draw a VAGINA on my Rosechu, Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' '''PICKLE'''!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Chrisreply3.PNG</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "pickle" is one of the few hundred slang words for the word "penis".<ref>https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/PenisTesticlesSlang.pdf</ref> It is unknown why Chris prefers to refer to the penises of other men as "pickles", while he calls his own his "duck", but it may have to do with Chris's sexual insecurity and the fact that he legitimately hates actual pickles <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_4#Why_Chris_hates_pickles</ref>, whereas Chris thinks he's special enough to have a cutesy name for his own penis.</blockquote>

;[[Pmurt]]

<blockquote>1. ''(proper noun)'' The 45th president of the United States: Donald Trump.

<blockquote>''EID '''PMURT''' EID!!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Donald Trump's last name, but spelled backwards. In Chris's first usage of this CWC-ism, Chris mentioned how "Trump spelled backward is "Pmurt", which sounds like "hurt"".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/September_2016_Facebook_posts#Registered_to_vote</ref> This is because of Chris's strong hatred for Trump, despite showing very little knowledge about [[Chris and politics|America's political system]]. Chris also reversed the name because to him, reversing someone's name will degrade and weaken them. <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/U8C43P2A37A8_y_U8C1N023V0L</ref>In his eyes, if he repeats this word again and again, people will start turning against Trump and start voting for [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary]], which, unsurprisingly enough, never happened <ref>https://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/president</ref>.</blockquote>

;poke
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana.

<blockquote>''Anyway, eclectic! High on the hedge and high on the hog. You want some of this '''poke''', mon?<ref>[[CWC address to Royal Board]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended as a demonstration of what "Soni-Chew the Eclectic Heeedge Hog Poke Mon of London, England" would sound like. A coded reference to Pokémon.
</blockquote>

;[[Polyamorous marriage|polyamorous]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Polygamous.

<blockquote>''I go'' [sic] ''married to Magi-Chan Sonichu and Cryzel Rosechu last March, and then I married Sylvana Rosechu and Mewtwo last June. We all share a '''polyamorous''' relationship.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Miss_Cherry_asks_Chris_about_his_marriages.png</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An etymologically malformed neologism from the 1970's for having multiple romantic or sexual relations at once, misapplied by Chris. </blockquote>

;[[Prickly-Wicklies|prickly-wicklies]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Punishments given for insulting or harming Chris.

<blockquote>''War gets you '''prickly-wicklies'''... as well as punches.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Warm_Fuzzy_Tale</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refer to ''Fuzzy-Wuzzies''.

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#F|fuzzy-wuzzies]]

</blockquote>

;[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
[[Image:PVCCitizens.jpg|thumb]]
<blockquote>1. ''(backronym)'' The headquarters of several Sonichu villains.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: The name itself is a backronym of the college Chris attended, [[PVCC|the Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. After experiencing several mishaps throughout his college experience<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_out_of_English</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_out_of_college</ref>, the dean giving him the cold hard truth about why his [[Love Quest]] is doomed to fail became the straw that broke the camel's back, and Chris thought it would be a smart idea to deface the college afterward in his comics.</blockquote>

;prowldent
<blockquote>1. ''(???)'' Unknown.

<blockquote>There's no quote to cite this from, just a logo in which Chris gives the name "Prowldent Virginia Community College" to [[PVCC]].<ref>[[:File:ProwldentVCC.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely combining connotations of "prowl" and "dent" (either to leave an indentation or [[fangs|teeth]]).
</blockquote>

;Pu Tuhs!
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Shut Up!

<blockquote>''SHE; my Ariel Starter was Female from the start, so '''Pu Tuhs!'''''<ref>[[December 2016 Facebook posts#Favorite Pokemon]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Q ==
|-
|

;q-sand
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Short for quarter sandwich (i.e. a quarter of a sandwich).

<blockquote>
''So, mom ignored her and ate the '''q-sand''' in front of her.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Appeared in an [[Jackie E-mails 31|e-mail]] sent to [[Jackie]] dated August 5, 2011. Most likely unnecessarily used as a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]] abbreviation.
</blockquote>

;quarters
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An office space; headquarters.

<blockquote>''Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her '''quarters''' and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_Wikipedia_profile</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whenever Chris says that he's being brought to someone's office, he always refers to it as their "quarters", as if he was being brought to some kind of evil hideout. This could be to add unnecessary dramatic effect to his stories.

2. ''(noun, pl.)'' coins, no matter their origin or worth.

<blockquote>''Uhh. I want a soda, but it takes only C '''quarters''' and I only have W quarters. Do you have any change?''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The first time this word was used like this was in [[Sonichu 9]], where it is revealed that [[CWCville]] issues its currency in the form of "C-quarters" and "W-quarters". According to this issue, 10 C-quarters, make up a single W-quarter, which ultimately defeats the whole concept of the "quarter" coin. Despite being a part of the United States, CWC-ville still issues this strange form of currency, along with US dollars. Because of this, Chris likely decided to refer to his currency as "quarters" so that it could technically count as US currency.</blockquote>

;quite
<blockquote>1. ''(exclamation)'' A fancy replacement of the word "right" or "correct".

<blockquote>''Arthur: Magi-Chan, it's because of his-- you know, he wants to help all of his friends, and with his ability to contact them all simultaenously at the same time, it's an amazing ability to have.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Chris: '''Quite''', he is the psychic type, after all.''<ref>[[CatKnight Interview]'']</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adverb)'' to the utmost or most absolute extent or degree; absolutely; completely.

<blockquote> ''Hm. Not enough to, uhh... Well, he knows quite-- he can see '''quite''' a bit far into the future, but although there are details of which you might not be able to see, a point or two.'' <ref>[[CatKnight Interview]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''For a hundred dollars? Th-that's, that's '''quite''', that's uh, it'd take more funds for me to, more funds than that for me to be able to acquire the material figures...''<ref>[[CatKnight Interview]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris infamously used this word, along with "indeed" ad nauseam in his interview with [[Arthur Spatchcock]], believing that doing so is essentially the same as speaking his language, British if you will.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== R ==
|-
|

;raincoat
<blockquote>1. (''noun'') a condom.

<blockquote>''You ARE the woman...we gotta stop by Wall-Mall-Wart on the way for a "'''raincoat'''".''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "raincoat" is actually an archaic slang for the word "condom".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/raincoat</ref> Given that Chris has been raised by two geezers his whole life, and that part of his childhood has consisted of [[Gilligan's Island|old TV shows]], Chris thought that people would understand what he meant when he states that his Mary Sues are having protected sex with a raincoat.</blockquote>

;[[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]
<blockquote>1. (''noun'') non-sequitur.

<blockquote>''Punchy grew up in a dojo, where he perfected his punches. He is also full of '''random-access humor'''. He lost his tail in a brutal fight.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP5.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his brain is completely random, and it always spews out incoherent garbage. In his mind, this works in the same way a computer processes random-access memory. <ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

</blockquote>

;rapier
[[File:ReldnahcTheRapier .jpg|thumb|Reldnahc the Rapier]]
<blockquote>
1. (''noun, attributive'') rapist, sexual assailant.

<blockquote>
''Now! My '''rapier''' friend, I would very much like you to get off me, please.''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sonichu-12-pages-54-60.33547/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly a pun. Chris-Chan Sonichu calls [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc#Fictional_biography|Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] [[Chris-chan Sonichu#Transexual|their]] "rapier friend" in [[Sonichu 12|Sonichu #12]] after Reldnahc tackles them to the ground in a suggestive pose and touches their chest, thus (in Chris's hyperbolic mind) "raping" them. He could also be using the externally attested definition, as an adjective meaning "witty"<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rapier#Adjective</ref>, metaphorically referring to a kind of thin, sharp-pointed sword.
</blockquote>

;reality cartoon

<blockquote>
1. (''noun'') The universe.

<blockquote>
''Life is a cartoon; we are all the characters of the larger; the cartoons we make are part of our own universe; we're all a '''reality cartoon'''.''<ref>August 2017 tweets#"Life is a cartoon"</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris's life revolves mainly around [[Vidya]] and cartoons, it would make sense to him that the most believable explanation for the universe and everything in it is that it's all a cartoon. Likely related to Chris's known belief that [[Chris_and_reality#Fictional_characters_and_media|all fiction actually exists in alternate universes]]. Chris' interactions with the [[Idea Guys]] made this idea seem even more plausible to him.
</blockquote>

;[[Recycling|recycling]]

<blockquote>1. (''verb'') the act of one ingesting their own semen to preserve their sperm count.

<blockquote> I '''recycle''' my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Captain%27s_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009</ref> </blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having very little knowledge of how the male reproductive system works, thinks that men can run out of sperm from masturbating or orgasming too much. Fearing the loss of "potential children", Chris actually thinks that by ingesting the sperm back into his body, his sperm count will stay in balance, thus, he is "recycling" it.

</blockquote>

;reeb
[[Image:4centgarbagereeb.jpg|thumb|Glug! Glug! Glug!]]

<blockquote>1. (''noun'') beer or any other alcoholic beverage of the like.

<blockquote>''Then he glugs his '''reeb''', heh-heh, and then he conks out.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, thinking he's so clever, decided to censor any mention of the word "beer" in his comics, by spelling the word backward.</blockquote>

;Resident-Evil refrigerator

<blockquote>1. (''noun'') The refrigerator in the previous Chandler Household.

<blockquote>''Kitchen very much blocked off all over... with the '''Resident Evil refrigerator''' right there.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Tour_of_Chris%27s_House_II</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to the fridge as the "Resident Evil" kind, because in Japan, the game ''Resident Evil'' is known as ''Biohazard''.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Tour_of_Chris%27s_House_II</ref><ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resident_Evil</ref> Considering the quality of the household, that name may very well fit the description of the fridge in the state it was in before filming the [[Tour of Chris's House II|Second House Tour]].</blockquote>

;[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]

<blockquote>1. (''noun'') The female counterpart of the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]].</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Rosechu of CWCville, [[Rosechu]]. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the last name of the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' character, Amy Rose, and "Raichu", the evolved form of a Pikachu.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== S ==
|-
|

;[[saga]]
<blockquote>1 ''(noun)'' An ongoing event within Chris' life.

<blockquote>''A Sonichu Special: CWC's Love Quest '''Saga'''''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris was actually the first to use the term "saga" as Christorians know it today, using it as such when describing his Love Quest on the cover of [[Sonichu 4]]<ref>File:Issue4.jpg</ref>. It wasn't until the Miyamota Saga when the term was used by Christorians to describe ongoing events in Chris' life as we know it.</blockquote>

;salty
<blockquote>1 ''(adjective)'' showing more maturity or coarseness than is expected, especially knowledge of [[honest]] topics like [[Chris and sex|sex]].

<blockquote>''Ah, but I am not the weak person they think I am; I am much, much '''saltier'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon a line from "Bowling Girls", ninth episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'': "But I'm not the sweet little girl I was a few minutes ago! I'm much, much saltier now!" "Salty" in this context derives from naval lingo, since the most experienced sailors would have greater exposure to both the saltwater seas and worldly experiences.
</blockquote>

;[[Scale of Respect|scale of respect]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his respect for other people.

<blockquote>''I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my '''Scale of Respect''' each by 2 points''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Scale_of_Respect</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, like most other autistics, tends to view the world based on numerical values due to their lack of understanding of certain abstract concepts such as respect. Because of this, Chris made his very own numerical scale to decide on who should be respected, compared to who shouldn't.</blockquote>

;seinor
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of senior.

<blockquote>''A cool Junior or '''Seinor'''-Year student, and follow their example on asking others out''<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An example of how the “i before e rule” escapes Chris.

</blockquote>

;self-epic
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' describing a situation which is epic, and at the same time related to Chris and his various clones.

<blockquote>''And I will square-off in the TRULY '''SELF-EPIC''' Battle between me, and my Dark Half.''<ref>[[An Important Update]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Chris and his Ego|Self-explanatory]].</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;ship
[[File:Chillaxingcard.jpg|200px|thumb|An example of a "shipping".]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of two or more OCs interacting with or performing any given action towards one another, regardless of any romantic feelings.

<blockquote>''You must take a Pony card from the grid and reattach it elsewhere with this '''Ship'''. That card's power activates. At the end of the turn, until the Pony card attached with this '''Ship''' is discarded of removed from the grid, it gains the Keyword Villain. ''
''<ref>[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:EpicOnlineBully.jpeg]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misinterpretation of the term "shipping" from the card game ''[[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder]]''. The game was originally made as a means of satirizing the popular internet trend. But as per usual of Chris, he completely ignored this defining trait for the game, and simply used it as another creative medium to sell to fans, trolls, weens, and enablers.</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;shitful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' hurtful; defamitory.

<blockquote>''And this is the last time I will ever say anything in response to your '''shitful''' and hurtful comments and hatred for Hate's Sake!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2014_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Shitful is a vulgar slang word, synonymous with words like "boat-load" or "truck-load". Chris may have seen the "shit" part of this word, and assumed that the word is meant to be used for specific situations that seem "shitty" to him.</blockquote>

;[[SLGBTQ]]

<blockquote>1. ''(acronym)'' an extended acronym for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) which includes "straights" and "questioning people".

<blockquote>''Considering your logo there, Texas will be feeling more love from the '''SLGBTQ''' community; give us props and Love, Lone Star State.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/September_2017_tweets#Hurricane_Harvey_and_SLGBT</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first used this acronym, he didn't explain what groups the "S" or "Q" were supposed to represent, making plenty of people confused. Eventually, Chris revealed that the "S" represents '''s'''traight and cis-gender people, while "Q" represents "'''q'''ueers" or "'''q'''uestioning people". Chris believes that if he included straight people into LGBT, then those particular people would feel more invited to join into the community. Considering the fact that gay people are minorities, adding the "S" to LGBT only defeats the entire purpose of identifying people as LGBT in the first place.</blockquote>

;[[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a mentally handicapped person

<blockquote>''And finally, after a hard "odd" day, he rides home on a bus, but unfortunately, it had a few "'''slow-in-the-minds'''" on it.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Week_With_Christian_Chandler></ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;slow-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' mentally retarded

<blockquote>''As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look '''slow-minded'''; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_emails_2007#February</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''OK, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one '''slow-minded''' individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Kacey_Call_9</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' stupid, but not quite retarded

<blockquote> ''I'll admit I have had some '''slow-minded''' moments. But I am certainly not totally retarded.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Father_Call#Crossing_the_Na.C3.AFve_Line_.281:46:21-1:52:36.29</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!
[[Image:SNERGEN FLERGEN!.PNG|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A phrase one may shout out when asked for attendance.

<blockquote>'''''SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic9P6.jpg</ref>
''What?''
''Uh...here!''
</blockquote>

Origin: An obvious example of Chris's [[CWC-isms#R|random-access humor]]. This weird phrase appeared in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], when the cast was asked for their attendance during a [[CWC-isms#D|Dating Education]] class. When [[Wild Sonichu]] was asked for his attendance, he blurted out this phrase as Chris's many attempts to be funny in his comics. Given Chris's childish sense of humor, it would make a whole lot of sense for him to include a character randomly blurt out a nonsensical phrase out of nowhere.</blockquote>

;snooze cruise
<blockquote>1. a long period of slumber

<blockquote> ''Next, he had Trigonometry...I'd hate to be Christian when his nerves kicked into action after waking up from a "notey" '''snooze cruise''', but I was.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Week_With_Christian_Chandler</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Assuming everyone's played [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]] by the time he wrote this report, Chris used this cheesy one-liner from the game in his school report, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]

</blockquote>

;somecummpentydifferent
<blockquote>1. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce a change in subject.

<blockquote>''Anyway and now for somecummpentydifferent stay tuned for '''somecummpentydifferent''' — a bunch of good pushups!''<ref>[[Getting Foam Ed]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce use of [[random-access humor]].

<blockquote>''And now for '''somecummpentydifferent'''. BUUUUNG! And now it's Monty Python's flying elephants. Du tu du tu du tu du. Du tu du tu du tu du. Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg, why is people running away.''<ref>[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Note this is the very first thing he says, so there's nothing to be completely different ''from''.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris is trying to say "And now for something completely different" like John Cleese does on [[Monty Python]]. Suffice to say Cleese's ability to say three multisyllabic words in rapid succession exceeds that of Chris.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|somkey]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' The quality of having smoked recreationally, be it tobacco, marijuana, or some other substance.

<blockquote>''Thank our mayor, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler that CWCville is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or '''somkey'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A simple corruption of the word 'Smokey', used by [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] during their report on [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|Spring Break, 2008!]].
</blockquote>

;[[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]
<blockquote>1. (noun) The male counterpart of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Sonichu of CWCville, Sonichu. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the name of the titular character of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'', Sonic, and "Pikachu".</blockquote>

;soo
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Very, Very much.

<blockquote>''Dear Blanca, I am '''soo''' happy that you were revealed as my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be''<ref>[[Chris's Letter to Blanca]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In writing, Chris often adds extra o's to the word "so" to prolong the "o" sound and show added emphasis. However, where most people would add two or more o's, (e.g., "I love you sooo much!"), Chris frequently only adds one, resulting in "soo," which makes the word look like it's supposed to be pronounced "sue". This has the (unintentional?) effect of mimicking the speech patterns of a Valley Girl or an effeminate homosexual.

This may originate from pamphlets published by [http://www.channing-bete.com/ Channing Bete], [[Autism|short and uninformative]] self-help pamphlets often handed out at churches, the last page of which often feature a summary headlined by "Soo…" Given his distrust of help from anyone other than [[Rocky]], it is not entirely impossible that Chris has read Channing Bete pamphlets occasionally.

This is one of many recurring jokes in the [[Sonichu Audiobooks]] in which the narrator pronounces words like "soo" as they are literally spelled, instead of how Chris intended them to be read.
</blockquote>

;soup beds
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Homeless shelter with beds

<blockquote>'' I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have '''soup beds'''. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS!''<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris tries to distill his "soup hotel" idea into its two components, but he mangles one of them by retaining the "soup" prefix.
</blockquote>

;sourdough region
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The crotch area

<blockquote>''Its weak point is still the '''sourdough region''', but it would take FIVE KICKS to get to it''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In his Sonichu comics, Chris has decided to make the main weakness of the jerkops their crotch. The weakest of the jerkops take only one kick to be taken down, while higher-ranking jerkops, such as [[Jerkhief]] take five. The reason why Chris refers to this spot as the "sourdough region" is unknown, but most of his other CWC-isms already tend to sound so nonsensical to begin with, it barely even matters.</blockquote>

;spike on one's shoulder
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' refers to the act of holding grievances towards someone.

<blockquote>''That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a '''spike on his shoulder''' against me.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Father_Call</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A confusion with the phrase "chip on one's shoulder".</blockquote>

;spot
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' A small amount.

<blockquote>''Damn those trolls; I'll have to change the password on my RewardZone account now. For your information... A) the recent 43.98 purchase was actually a '''spot''' of Wheeling and Dealing I did; I actually spent less to make a profit. Toys 'R' Us had Borderlands for PS3 for a lower price than the current $39.99 price at Best Buy; I paid 20.98 for it at T.R.U. After that, I took the game to Best Buy, told them I received it as a gift and got the store credit of 41.??, THEN I got what I really wanted, Resident Evil 5 G.E. and a 10 dollar PSN Card, but even the two items would still leave me with some credit, so I added the Silent Hill movie, and paid the 3 dollar difference in cash. R.E.5.G.E. was on sale for 10 less than normal this week for 29.99, it was now PSMove Compatible, I wanted a good shooter for the Move, and I had heard a LOT of good things about the game long before as well. I just wanted the PSP version of ModNation as well, after enjoying the PS3 version as well. The "NDS Flaw" item was a Nintendo DSi game titled "System Flaw". I got it the same day I got the Zoom Case.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_15</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris likes to retardedly incorporate British English into his sentences when he has the chance, possibly to sound more classy than he actually is. The phrase "A spot of X" is a British English idiom referring to a small amount of something.</blockquote>

;sticky dream
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A wet dream

<blockquote>''After falling back asleep Chris had a "'''sticky dream'''."''<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris claims that a "wet dream" actually refers to wetting one's bed as opposed to nocturnal emission.
</blockquote>

;straight path
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The quality of being straight

<blockquote>''You know, girl for boy, boy for girl? Everything else is vice, as said by Doctor Kinsey. Not just for me, not for The Big Man Upstairs, not for your family, but do it for, uh, yourself, and for—and for the benefits of everyone in the future: your children, your children's children... And, besides, if you stray away from the '''straight path''', it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]''</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had an intense fear of "falling off the straight path". When he states this, he is essentially referring to being on the path to straightness, in the same way a normal person would refer to someone being on the path to success. Chris also had this unrealistic idea that being in contact with gay men would suddenly make him gay too, which would therefore make him fall off the path. Possibly also an allusion to the phrase "straight and narrow" and/or the Biblical passage Matthew 7:14: "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;[[Sub-Episodes|sub-episode]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The side stories in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] comics.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: A result of Chris' use of [[Chris and English#Television jargon|television jargon]] in his comics.</blockquote>

;sumbah
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Minced oath for "son of a bitch."

<blockquote>''Yo, Christian, thanks for saving my sister from that crazy '''sumbah'''''<ref>[[Sonichu Special 4]], page K-4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Probably based upon "sumbitch."
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetbolt|sweetbolt]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pet name used by [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Ahh..that salad was great! What's wrong '''sweetbolt'''?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A sweetheart.

<blockquote>''I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your '''SweetBolt'''. :)?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first worked on his Sonichu comics, he tried to incorporate as many references to electricity as he can, in order to match with the Pikachu part of the titular character. A portmanteau of the CWC-ism "sweetheart" and "bolt".
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart|sweetheart]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover.

<blockquote>''Oh, gee, I'm sorry Bionic, but back then I was na- I was naive on dating and all that, so I just didn't think of it at the time. But if you a '''sweetheart''', Meg has created quite a few foxy characters. If she's cool with it, you could go out with one of them.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another cutesy pet name given to candidates of his Love Quest.</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An ideal sweetheart beyond the friend zone.

<blockquote>''For days to weeks to months to years, I Felt So Lonesome and Incomplete. But I didn't STOP! In the name of Love, and the fact that there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a '''Sweetheart from the Ground-Up''', so in later years, after the inevitability of my parents leaving me, I WON'T BE ALONE. And I can eventually realize my dream of being a good husband, and father of a pretty girl named Crystal.'' <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Story_of_My_Current_Days</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As stated, Chris intended to use this weird phrase to indicate that he wants an ideal gal-pal well beyond the friend zone. Chris thought this phrase sounded so clever, that he used it constantly.</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== T ==
|-
|

;teenages

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The 13-19 age group; teenage years.

<blockquote>''Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all '''teenages''', as well as the, uh, gals.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's [[Future Message]], he attempts to talk down to just about every age group. In order to do this, he starts his video off with the quote above. Chris clearly couldn't think of a way to refer to teenagers, so he decided to refer to such people by "teenages". A butchering of "people of all ages".</blockquote>

;teir
[[File:Teir.png|thumb|200|Chris spelling tier wrong.]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of tier.

<blockquote>''$1 '''Teir'''''<ref>[[Patreon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Yet another example of how Chris is unaware of “i before e”. In a June 2019 update, he managed to spell tier wrong throughout multiple descriptions, despite the correctly-spelled word being visible right on the page.</blockquote>

;telekinesis

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Telepathy, i.e. communication through long distances, usually via psychic or supernatural means.

<blockquote>''I’ve been communicating with her through '''telekinesis''', and she sounded very lonesome.''<ref>[[Silvana]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas tele'''kine'''sis means ''moving'' objects from a distance with psychic powers (c.f. ''[[wikipedia:kinetic energy|kinetic]]''), Chris has never used the term properly. [[Magi-Chan|Psychic]] [[Silvana|characters]] in the [[comic]] have both powers of telekinesis and telepathy, but Chris has only used the former to refer to both.
</blockquote>

;This Viral Event

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The worldwide SARS coronavirus 2 outbreak in early [[2020]], which began in [[China]] on New Year's Eve [[2019]] and has since become the most severe pandemic since the Spanish flu of 1918. Regarded by Chris as a trivial excuse to cancel a perfectly good ''[[My Little Pony]]'' convention.

<blockquote>''The Bottom Line is that '''This Viral Event''' is actually a better step in our own developments and evolution, as well as a deity-level test to sort out the weak from the moderate and strong of mental and soulful intervals, and nothing else.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#Chris finally weighs in on the coronavirus pandemic]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's [[Chris and religion|theodicy]] assigns any misfortune in the world to the Dimensional Merge. As the disease's spread has caused many governments to forbid large gatherings as a sanitary measure, it has become a [[Chris and His Ego|personal inconvenience to Chris]]. He believes that the pandemic will soon be stopped by [[OC|fictional characters]]' efforts,<ref>[March 2020 social media posts#COVID-19 a sign of dimensional merge]</ref> making it nothing but a transient event.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|tobacky]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' tobacco or tobacco products

<blockquote>''If I could, I would take every last ounce of '''tobacky''', put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the Moon.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: American English slang, used by Chandlers since 1856,<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tobacky#English</ref> and for [[random access humor]] since 1928.<ref>[http://www.uwosh.edu/home_pages/faculty_staff/earns/song.html Back in Nagasaki Where the Fellers Chew Tobaccy]</ref> Chris hates the act of smoking cigarettes so much that even uttering the word "tobacco" makes him feel uncomfortable, so Chris uses this as a retarded [[wikipedia:minced oath|minced oath]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica</ref></blockquote>

;tom-tom
[[File:Duck Pounding Some Tom-Tom.jpeg|thumb|A duck pounding some tom-tom real hard]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia.

<blockquote>''MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR '''TOM-TOM''' TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from the short Adult Swim music video, ''Pound my Tom-Tom'', which served as the intro to the cartoon, ''Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil''<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1DVoH0Njow</ref>. Considering Chris barely understands anything adult, the fact that this was meant to be a bad euphemism, which the character, Lucy, used to avoid directly mentioning her vagina, flew over his head.</blockquote>

;[[Tomgirl Pictures|tomgirl]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A male who is into girly stuff; apparently, in Chris's mind, this goes all the way to [[Tomgirl Pictures|make-up and crossdressing]].

<blockquote>''I am '''Tomgirl'''.''<ref>[[:File:I_am_tomgirl.jpg|PSN comment as of 6 April 2011]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: analogous to "tomboy", i.e. a girl who likes boy-stuff.

</blockquote>

;too many crooks

<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of dissatisfaction with an overabundance of evildoers.

<blockquote>''Well, call it--this was "too many crooks." '''Too many crooks!''' Too many crooks! And that ED page is one of those crooks.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon the idiom, "too many cooks spoil the broth," although that idiom means something, whereas this is just an incomplete sentence.
</blockquote>

;triage

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' ménage à trois; a romantic relationship between three people.

<blockquote>''Magi-Chan Sonichu, Silvana Rosechu & Mewtwo / A Loving '''Triage'''''<ref>[[January 2018 Facebook posts‎‎#Mewtwo and Magi-Chan married]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A corruption or misspelling of "triad", possibly influenced by the ending of "ménage". "[[wikipedia:Triage|Triage]]" is a real word with a completely different meaning and unrelated etymology.
</blockquote>

;trollin' stupid

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Very stupid, in a manner pertaining to trolling.

<blockquote>''Because that's what you deserve, you God damn womanizing raping... '''trollin' stupid''' pickle suited... nigger!''<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to have coined this phrase for his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend"]] lyrics with "trollin'" serving as an intensifier along the lines of "fucking."
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== U ==
|-
|

;ugly growth

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to refer to his own penis negatively.

<blockquote>''"Did I not just tell you I am Seven Inches Long?! It is soo long, that I am literally able to stretch it Under my taint, and tuck it between my own ass cheeks, beyond my ass hole. With help, I can literally even shove the head of the '''Ugly Growth''' Up Mine!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Colin_Chat_2</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Un-clit|un-clit]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A piercing Chris got on his perrinium as an immitation clitoris.

<blockquote>''It is a short, steel straight piece with steel spheres, of which I refer to them as my '''un-clit'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Un-clit</ref></blockquote>

Origin: During his Tomgirl years, Chris was, and still is, very desperate to gain female body traits such as bigger breasts, wider hips, a fully functioning vagina, etc. In order to get a part of the work done, Chris got a piercing on his taint as a sort of pseudo-clitoris, showing more of Chris's limited knowledge of female anatomy. </blockquote>

;uncouth
[[File:Uncouth Twat.png|thumb|Most uncouth!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' unlikeable, lacking good manners.

<blockquote>''And, by the way, among which, You give the Males a Most Terrible and Horrible Name in your behavior. Most '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Colin_Chat_1</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Trump is most Immature, '''Uncouth''', and Not Valid to be president.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Misc_E-mails#Anti-Pmurt</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I felt it appropriate to change my profile photo back to the filtered one for what happened in France the while back with due respect of the continuing of Trump's most drastic and '''uncouth''' actions in office.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/January_2017_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''You, sir, are '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/2017_tweets#Trump.2C_you_mocked_the_mentally-challenged</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''All of you are nothing but immature, borish, '''uncouth''', and damned Neanderthals.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonic_Boom_Protests#Chris_Rages_On</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Not Sexual Fantasy; Friendships, You '''Uncouth''' Cad. Hmpf!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#Unleashing_his_inner_Brit</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And as it Had been My fault on that #NationalGirlfriendTweet that started the whole mess, that was Why I chose whole-heartedly to Harass Me instead of Doopie or Anyone Else who was being harassed with the mis-content from Years Ago from me taken Out Of Context, Mind you, because Harassing Anyone at Anyone else’s Expense is Just Plain Wrong, Bullying, and '''Uncouth'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''And it was ignored by you that Talulah Bankhead coined the term for Tabitha, you '''Uncouth''' Twat.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#Tabitha_addresses_CWC_flame_war</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I agree it is shameful of these people to have accounts just to haze at me and all others, Soo '''uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/NightStar2891_tweets#Twitter_spam_for_Tabitha</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I miss Jessica. You Trolls Scared Her Off by either Hacking or Reporting her Facebook. You '''Uncouth''' Cads!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jessica_Quinn</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As demonstrated, Chris uses this word way more than any 21st-century [[American]] would. It is often speculated that Chris picked up this word from an ''MLP'' episode, where Applebloom and Applejack are talking about what the word "uncouth" means.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-SrQ-Oz1k4</ref> Seeing how this conversation alone is somehow a staple in the Brony subculture, and how Chris is one of those many Bronies who sees more [[Night_Star#Chris_spills_the_beans|meaning]] in the show than it actually possesses, Chris picked up this term due to how foreign and smart it sounded to him.

Chris is also notorious for his use of British English whenever he tries to make it seem he knows what he's talking about. So it is also fairly likely Chris may have adapted this word solely because he thinks British English words will make him sound smarter.
</blockquote>

;UNGA-WUNGA!!!
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A sexual chant from the [[Cherokian Clan]].
<blockquote>''There is no quote to directly cite the use of this CWC-ism. This CWC-ism was used in one of Chris' art pieces appropriately named "UNGA-WUNGA"''</blockquote>
Origin: Comes from a horrifying art piece Chris drew of himself banging [[Jackie]] against a tree while a group of Cherokians masturbate to their orgy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Unga_Wunga_Time.jpg</ref> As for the questionably racist phrase itself, Chris simply stated that it was "just a random phrase I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_11</ref></blockquote>

;unto
<blockquote>1. ''(preposition)'' Archaic or poetic form of the word "to".

<blockquote>''Now that it has been made fully clear to me, I am now able to devote myself fully '''unto''' you, Julie.''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 7]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''I am very devastated, due to my SHATTERED HEART that [[Mary Lee Walsh|XXXXX]] caused '''unto''' me!''</blockquote>

Origin: Another one of Chris's autistic ways of sounding smart, possibly in imitation of the Bible. (c.f. ''[[Chris and hypocrisy|Do unto others...]]''). Chris uses this form more frequently than most English speakers of the 21st century should, even when it sounds unwieldy.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== V ==
|-
|
;vaginatables

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia

<blockquote>''There is no quote to cite the use of this CWC-ism. Chris used this CWC-ism in an e-mail address "ILuvVaginatables@aol.com".'</blockquote>

Origin: A strange hybrid of the words "vagina" and "vegetables", purely for Random-Access Humor.</blockquote>

;vege-marmite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Vegemite

<blockquote>''Certainly not a '''vege-marmite''' sanwich. Lol''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-372</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A retarded pun made by Chris to state his distaste for veggie marmite. Coincidentally, vegemite is essentially marmite, yeast extract from brewing beer turned into a pungent, salty paste, with vegetables and spices added in.<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegemite</ref></blockquote>

;vestite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A transvestite person.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and '''Vestites'''; ID as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-335#post-2635076]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In the above post, Chris intended to write the words "transgender" and "transvestite" in the same sentence without duplicating the trans suffix. He did so by adding a space between the prefix and the respective endings. It is worth mentioning that "Vestite" is a word in Latin, and simply refers to being clothed, without any connotations regarding cross-dressing.</blockquote>

;[[Virgin with Rage|virgin with rage]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An individual who is sexually frustrated

<blockquote>''Tell me why
I'm stuck as a '''virgin with rage'''!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/So_Need_a_Cute_Girl</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Even after allegedly having sex with [[Mia Hamm]], the idea of being a virgin and not having a sweetheart pushed Chris's buttons. This got so bad, that he would even rage after he's lost a potential sweetheart, or misses an opportunity to spend time with them.</blockquote>

;[[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia is for virgins]]

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase that pushes the idea that the citizens of Virginia won't allow Chris to get a girlfriend solely due to his autism.

<blockquote>"'''VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS''', NOT LOVERS!"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Story_of_My_Current_Days
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An intentional butchering of the phrase "Virginia is for Lovers". His belief that the state of Virginia is behind some kind of conspiracy to prevent him from finding true love has started since attending [[PVCC]]. While there, Chris has gotten himself putting up Attraction Signs, loitering with said signs on campus, and even creating a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter series]] in order to attract potential sweethearts. Seeing how all of this violated the school's rules and policies, he was sent directly to the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Dean]] in order for her to straighten him out. <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Virginia_is_for_Virgins#Origins</ref> Of course, Chris took this to be another instance of him being discriminated, solely for being autistic. This, coupled with the fact that he's already failed on several occasions to actually get to date any of his his female friends in high school, reinforced this belief. </blockquote>

;VOTES FOR WOMEN!
[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly misinterpreted.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase shouted in protest of pictures depicting women with penises.

<blockquote>'''''VOTES FOR WOMEN''', STEP IN TIME! VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME! NEVER NEED A REASON, NEVER NEED A RHYME, VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P52.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a sash Mrs. Banks, a character from Mary Poppins, had worn. Chris clearly took this banner to simply refer to any kind of mistreatment towards women, rather than the fairly obvious implication that she's actually fighting for the right to vote.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''See Also'': [[CWC-isms#W|Women's Rights]]
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== W ==
|-
|

;Walter Grisby
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A man's name often employed in acts of random-access humor.

<blockquote>''"Is this '''Walter Grisby'''? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what? DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"''<ref>[[Random-access humor]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The retconned name of the character formerly known as [[Wes Iseli]].

Origin: Unknown; thought by some to be a reference to the Cartoon Network show ''Ed, Edd n Eddy''. A character in the PC game ''The Sims 3'' goes by the name of Walter Grisby, but the game's release post-dates Chris's first uses of the term by some years.
</blockquote>

; Warroir of Love
[[Image:WarriorOfLove.jpg|thumb|300px|History's greatest warroirs]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an advocate for spreading love and peace.

<blockquote>''"People! You do not understand! By Not blocking the Trolls, you are Promoting Hatred; They don't always side with Love. I Am '''Warroir of Love'''."''<ref>[[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/902236285389111297]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misspelling of the word "warrior". Chris considers himself a "warrior of love" because he believes that he is the [[Chris and kindness|voice of kindness]]. Most likely derived from the derogatory term "Social Justice Warrior", a term used for individuals who advocate for social justice and equality.
</blockquote>

;well-breasted
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Having large breasts.

<blockquote>''And her image dawned upon me in my imagination, starting out as the '''well-breasted''' pink electric-hedgehog (Pok'emon) with the long Raichu-like tail, I drew her outfit onto her in red and Battery-Charged Blue.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Rosechu|CWCipedia article on Rosechu}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusion between "well-endowed" and "large-breasted".
</blockquote>

;Woahly
<blockquote> 1. ''(interjection)'' Expression indicating surprise.
<blockquote>'' Who is it Rosey? The Stew's almost ready and I... '''Woahly'''..!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p11.png</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: Portmanteau of "woah" and "holy... (as in the beginning of saying holy shit)," found in [[Sonichu 15]].
</blockquote>

;woman up
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' The female equivalent of manning up.

<blockquote>''Fellow autistic people! I encourage you to man and '''woman up''' [Subtitle: "It is Socializing In Real Life or Dust!"] respectively! Go out into the real world, and make real friends with full, great quality friendships! Do it now!''</blockquote>

Origin: Used in the second part of Chris’s Autism Tutorial, where he insultingly attempts to rally up all autistic people (regardless of their functionality) to form proper friendships, all while missing the point of “manning up”.
</blockquote>

;[[Women's rights]] (or Women's Lib)
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Any kind of behavior towards women that does not involve abusing them physically or mentally.

<blockquote>''Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the '''Women's Rights''', For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Other_documents</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The right for women to not be depicted with a [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]].

<blockquote>''FOR OUR '''RIGHTS AS WOMEN''' AMONG ALL PEOPLE, I WILL OVERPOWER THOSE SLANDEROUS JERKS!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P58.jpg</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' The act of women protesting by stripping down naked.

<blockquote>''Well, once we get our centerfolds shot and uploaded, hopefully those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Yeah, and if nothing else, we can still have a lot of fun trying.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''With our lord's support in our peaceful protest, we can win this fight.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Victory for '''Women's Lib'''''.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P51.jpg</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of sexism is botched up beyond belief. His zeal towards the rights of women is believed to have originated from watching the 1964 Disney film, Mary Poppins. He was particularly influenced by Mrs. Banks, who has expressed distaste for unequal treatment for women in 1910 London. As to be expected, Chris missed the point of this part of her character, and instead used this in order to justify his treatment towards the women he meets. Chris also believed that the term "sexism" only applies to forms of violence against women, and not necessarily representing in a condescending manner.

</blockquote>

;wooden nickel
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Acoustic guitar.

<blockquote>''I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old '''Wooden Nickel'''; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.''<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In real life, a wooden nickel is a now defunct form of currency used during the Great Depression. His use probably refers to the phrase "don't take any wooden nickels" - that is, he is calling the acoustic guitar a semi-worthless imitation of his Guitar Hero controller.
</blockquote>

;worse
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Severely; extremely, in an adverse manner

<blockquote>''IMHO, having Seinor Citizens for Parents throughout your whole life is no picnic; they are '''WORSE''' Overprotective.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>
|-
|
;wrath
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Great [[Chris and anger|anger]] or rage. Considered one of the [[Chris and religion|Seven Deadly Sins]].

<blockquote>''Apparently, my, uh, heed of warning towards Vivian has gone unheard or otherwise SHE DID NOT REALIZE THE FURY OF MY '''WRATH'''''<ref>[[Sign Destruction Video]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Strength sufficient to lift an office chair.

<blockquote>''I HAAAVE THE POWEEERRRR!!! FEEL MY '''WRATH'''!!''<ref>[[Power]]</ref></blockquote>
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==X==
|-
|
;X2-checking
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Double Checking
<blockquote>''Just '''X2-checking''' if you got the drawing I left you.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-11-2017-chris-spotted-at-bronycon.33187/page-35#post-2511049]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Comes from x2 meaning times two, which means double to Chris.

</blockquote>
;XXXXX
<blockquote>1. ''(noun, censorship)'' censorship of the word "bitch"
<blockquote>''Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM VERY ANGRY AT THAT '''XXXXX'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC%27s_Diary</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Chris's only instance of this peculiar censorship is in his [[diary]]. In it, Chris repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX", clearly as a censorship of the word "bitch". Why Chris chose to replace all of the letters in the word with the capital letter "X", instead of using asterisks remains a mystery.</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Y ==
|-
|
;y'all
|-
|<blockquote>1. ''(pronoun)'' indicating second person plural.

<blockquote>''"'''Y'all''' are free to stay here in one or so of their bedrooms for free, and y'all get fed too. Consider this a second chance for a good life which Christian offers to y'all; seek good employment after y'all get your strength rebuilt. ... I'll go check y'all in, then I have to finish saving the world."''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_68|Issue 10 Page 68}} [[Ultra Sonichu]] to the [[Basement Rosechus]], on a '''single page'''</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''It would be appreciated if '''y'all''' can book the flight for me, because I'm unsure about my family's current financial status, and my social's being saved for my own bills.''"<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]] </ref></blockquote>
Origin: Derived from "you all", originating from the dialect of the Southern United States (and found in [[niggos|black communities]] outside the South). Often considered substandard English, Chris even uses this in formal written situations. Also overused in the [[comic]] to the point of absurdity.
</blockquote>
|-
|
;y'all should know me by now
|-
|<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction to complete strangers.

<blockquote>'''''Y'all should know me by now''', but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, back on March 17th, 2000.''<ref name=csm/></blockquote>
Origin: His second message on YouTube, addressed to the ED trolls. He would use it several more times after this, possibly making this into his tagline. The introduction is made under the assumption that Chris is [[Chris and his Ego|already well-known]].
</blockquote>

;young at heart

<blockquote>1. ''(noun, attributive)'' An individual with childlike characteristics; a childish person.

<blockquote>''Hello Nintendo! Welcome to my Animal Crossing for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in Ruckersville, Virginia and I is [sic] 21 years old and I play because I am '''young at heart'''. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in Animal Crossing.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Animal_Crossing_Documentary</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I am '''Young at Heart'''; a concept I have kept within myself since childhood.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''We, the '''Young at heart''' stand alongside our Liked and Cared others.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris more often than not advertises his childish nature as him being "young at heart", as if this was a more positive quality of himself, even going as far as using this as a reason for girls to fall in love with him in his attraction signs <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Attraction_Sign</ref>. This is because Chris can't tell the difference between being a child at heart, and being childish. In his mind, people who are considered "childish" actually lead a happier and more exciting life, since he believes that childlike people are more willing to show off their [[kindness]] and are generally more eccentric. In reality, adults who are "young at heart" generally have a somewhat innocent outlook of life and are generally interested in things considered suitable for children, yet understand their responsibilities as adults, something which Chris has failed to do since graduating [[High School]].
</blockquote>
|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Z ==
|-
|

;zap to the extreme
[[Image:ZapToTheExtreme.png|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Go out and be brave.

<blockquote>''Go! Sonichu! Go out and '''zap to the extreme'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''Now everyone stay green and go out and '''zap to the extr-r-r-r-r-eme'''. Have a lovely day.''<ref>[[A New, Fun Trick]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase is first used on the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where Chris's self-insert tells Sonichu to "zap to the extreme" as if Chris and Sonichu were in a bona fide [[Pokémon]] tournament. Chris would then end up using this phrase time and again, usually completely out of context of its original meaning.
</blockquote>

;zapbud
[[Image:Zapbud.jpg|thumb|100px|A Zapbud]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A fictitious flower found in the ''Sonichu'' canon; Rosechu's favorite flower.

<blockquote>''Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a '''Zapbud''' is the flower that heals your woes.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_Ode_to_Rosechu</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Essentially the result of Chris attempting to create a mythology around his ''Sonichu'' comics, Chris created some of his own flora as well. Because of how "zapping" was a very common theme in the earlier issues of ''Sonichu'', Chris thought about naming his flora after this one theme. The term has ironically become popular with trolls and enablers, where they name made-up characters and places after it.</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Yes, my blossoming '''zapbud'''. That's why we are here.''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In this context, the term is used the same way a female lover may be compared to a flower. This was clearly an attempt to make the flora have a greater significance by making sound like something beautiful.

|}

==References==

<references/>

==Navigation==

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Lists}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

CWC Update 26 January 2009

2020-08-24T14:52:36Z

Methalowiec: -disamb

"'''CWC Update 26 January 2009'''" (officially "'''CWCUpdate01262009'''").

After weeks of talking about collaborating with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Chris]] disappeared from the internet for several days around the time that he was scheduled to meet with Miyamoto in Redmond, Washington. Speculation grew that Chris was actually attempting to make this cross-country journey, until he finally posted this video, claiming to have just returned. Somehow, you can just tell he hasn't even left his house since his last video.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 26 January 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fLOOG2_czZ8}}
| stardate = 26 [[January 2009]]
| saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenYellowBlackStripe|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 30 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 30 January 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I just got ''back!'' I sent m’self to Redmond.}}

=== Transcript ===

January 26th, 2009.

I just got ''back!'' I sent m’self to Redmond.

It was a good trip! Flew all the way there and… all the way back. [[Mass Debating|Boy, my arms are tired!]] That's an old joke. Pfft! Mmm.... [''Chris is lost for a moment in appreciation of his own shitty delivery of a tired, old joke.'']

Anyway… the pro—anyway, the, uh, S—S—video—[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu]]: The Video Game project: it's all… ''off'' the ground… and it's all ''progressing''. I am not at—at liberty to discuss it any further beyond that, as I have made the agreement… with Mr. Miyamoto upon such.

''But''… it ''does'' mean… [''clears throat''] that I will be ''more busy''… between drawing comics… and, uh, talking business with Mr. Miyamoto.

So, with that, I'll be—uh… un—I'll be unable to, uh, come into a chat room as often, but… I trust my loyal Sonichu [[fans]]… to ignore any false rumors that are against me or Sonichu.

Remember: you hear it from the man's mouth himself. ''I'm'' straight. Most every—most—e—''all every hero''… in the ''comic''… is ''straight''. Got one that's a… [''shudders and hums some word instead of saying it'']… would be [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|the evil twin]].

''My'' evil twin. Phbt!

But… ''he gets [[Chris and religion|damned to Hell]], anyway!''

Anyway… that's it for now, and, uh… I'll be able to—uh… t—and, uh, hopefully, I will try to answer as many e-mails as possible… at my earliest convenience, within my… busy hours.

Thank you very much for your patience! Have a good d—

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-01-26]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-26]]
[[Category:Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-26]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-01-26]]