CWCki - User contributions [en]

Son-Chu

2011-01-12T21:12:12Z

Mewlin: /* Vanity plate */

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''' aka '''The Shitbox''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple "disconcerting" issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[Sonichu Special 4|aggravated]] [[June062010.MOV|assault]]. The DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersville department.

Members of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding on more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref name="Mumble 10">[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref name="Mumble 10"/>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a three-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to ''[[Transformers]]'', he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia, Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], Escortin' Car."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other ''Transformers'' rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high-functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family has kept the permit so long because their [[fat]], lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high-functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers, along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]
The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]", thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading "UN4EVR" (apparently a statement of support for the U.N.) and "IB MR C" ("I be Mr. C," as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named "B WESTON" (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world views, and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu Window Static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old Tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both Sonic and Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the ''Sonichu'' title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears CD's]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "Autism. Work For A Cure." - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world.
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for [[The GAMe PLACe]]. We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place; however, the American flag has been removed and replaced with a Jesus fish, a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me!" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed-in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil Change due 4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's absurdly overdue oil change.]]
Given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]], it's unlikely the family takes any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at Son-Chu's performance was in the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car is stopped at a traffic light or parked somewhere, the engine rattles loudly; this is likely caused by bent U-joints (meaning Chris/Barbara probably hit a curb at some point) connecting the drive shaft to the engine and transmission, and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]], a U-joint replacement would put him over budget. A Pennzoil sticker on the windshield states that the next recommended oil change was to take place on the fifth of April 2009, over a year before the video was recorded; we also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it. At this point, it's a toss-up as to whether the car or [[Robert Chandler|Bob]] will go first.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. "[[Honor roll]]" my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3|Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|Post-Beta
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|Transformed version.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Car Pranks]]
* [[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call

2010-12-26T07:18:15Z

Mewlin: /* External links */

{{quote|Take your problems head on. Do not fucking dodge them. I just read that from a fortune cookie. Except I added the fucking part because Chinese people don't curse a lot.|Jack Thaddeus}}

{{quote|[''[[Stress sigh|sigh]]''] My blood is not made of gravy.|Chris, shattering the basis of every belief that we've ever held about him}}

In [[December 2009]], [[Jack Thaddeus]] called [[Chris]], to discuss the recent events involving Chris's statements about [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]], [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]].

Most of the call, Jack reprimands Chris and tells him he has a problem with making his [[comic]]s, his [[health]] and his [[mailbag]]. Chris remains monosyllabic and uninterested throughout, except to silence Jack with two fairly solid burns. Rather than angering Chris, this call seems to have inflicted a lot of [[stress]] on Chris, which will cause him to take a [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|Power Nap]].

It's important to note that this is the first time we see Chris actually being able to counter-insult properly. While some may see this as proof that he is, in fact, growing as a person, the laws of probability state that if a person continuously rambles off ridiculously stupid statements, there is a minute possibility that one of them will actually come out as really clever. He then proves this by apologizing.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' I'm just replying to--
 '''Jack:''' I'm pissed at you! No! Shut up, I'm pissed at you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, is this because I haven't picked up?
 '''Jack:''' No-- well, yes! That's actually-- you get a point. Okay, you get-- you get a gold star, just like you would if you were in a retard class, which you probably were in, because, well, you're Chris. Anyways, um, so, yeah, apparently, you're all butthurt about people calling you-- saying that you have Asperger's which is pretty funny considering that, you know, it pisses you off, so--
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack:''' What-what? What? What?
 '''Chris:''' I'm like, whatever. It's a mislabel.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, oh! No, it's cute. It's cute! You think that-- you think that Asperger's-- people with Asperger's are trying to take the quote/unquote “limelight” away from people with [[autism]]. What-- how-- why... why is that-- that's like saying, "People with cancer are trying to take the limelight away from people with AIDS," ...although you'd probably like that, considering you hate the [[homos]].
 '''Chris:''' Maybe.
 '''Jack:''' You know a friend of mine has AIDS. He's gay.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel bad for him. And he has my sympathy-- he has my pity.
 '''Jack:''' But he's gay Chris!
 '''Chris:''' I know. I, uh-- I assumed that because you know, you said he had gay-- he had AIDS.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you assume-- you assume that everybody that has AIDS is gay. Wow. Wow, Chris. Wow, that's-- way to fuckin', you know, fall into the fuckin' pit of stupid. You know, a lot of people have AIDS, not just gay people. Actually, more straight people have AIDS than gay people. But, anyways, I'm pissed at you for multiple reasons. First of all, the comic sucks. Second of all, the video you did sucks. You know, [[Vivian]]'s been yelling at me saying I'm interfering; I'm interfering. I didn't do shit, okay? So, you know. That-- that bitch is crazy, so you know. Also, you didn't fuckin' answer my letter that I sent to you.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I haven't found your letter.
 '''Jack:''' I told you!
 '''Chris:''' I checked in the mailbag and I--
 '''Jack:''' Because you went and put it in rejected, you dumb shit!
 '''Chris:''' I did not put it in [[Rejected Mailbag]]-- I did not-- I did not find anything from Jack Thad-- from you.
 '''Jack:''' I-- I told you it was in the name "David Crass"! You really think I'm stupid enough to put my name as Jack Thaddeus?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, wait, okay, okay, I just found it. Okay, I just found it.
 '''Jack:''' Now read it out to me. Read it out to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. “Dear Chris, why is [[Rosechu]] so useless?”
 '''Jack:''' Now answer it. Why is she so useless?
 '''Chris:''' Well, she is not useless.
 '''Jack:''' [''laughter''] Okay, okay, so, so what did she do in the last, uh, comic? In this-- in this comic right here.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] She took down some Punislavs and some [[Jerkops]]... with her lightning blade.
 '''Jack:''' Everybody else was doing that. Her lightning-- no, and then she got kidnapped! How is it that she's able to apparently fight these people, and then suddenly get kidnapped.
 '''Chris:''' It just happened. It happened from behind her. She does not have eyes in the back of her head.
 '''Jack:''' It just happened. Oh! She got taken from behind. I see that's-- she got taken from.... [''trails off''] Also Punislavs? That's kinda-- Slavs, you know that Slavs are an ethnic group? That's kinda I'm just saying Chris--
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] Well, would you rather I called it a “slave?”
 '''Jack:''' Yes, that might be nice. That might be nice. What you think that all black-- that "slaves"-- that "slave" has suddenly become a bad word? It makes more sense, Chris. If they're fuckin'-- God dammit. You know what? You know what? You know what, you should be talking to Vivian about this shit, because I'm just saying. I mean-- but, anyways. Why is Rosechu not a useless piece of shit? And also, why is your plot so fucking convoluted and unnecessarily complicated? You make characters, and then you retcon them into the fucking story and then they disappear. They play no role.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] They did play a role; they helped in defending the city of [[CWCville]].
 '''Jack:''' That's not a fucking-- okay, okay, you seem to have a problem with storytelling. CWCville-- the defense of CWCville doesn't mean shit if there's no story, and you need certain main characters. A bunch of fucking secondary characters doesn't do shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, [[Sonichu]] is a main-- Sonichu and Rosechu are the main characters.
 '''Jack:''' Then why do you have so many fucking other characters? The only character I like is [[Punchy]] Sonichu, and that's because he reminds me of Clyde. [''long pause''] What?
 '''Chris:''' Nothing. Nothing. Anyway... Mmm.
 '''Jack:''' People told you that that picture of that Guido wasn't Clyde, but you didn't listen. Remember back then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you're-- that was just one of-- that was-- that was actually... fucking comedy gold, man. I-- I-- I am actually not-- I actually-- I'm proud of you for not listenin' to, ya know, advice of other people, and, you know, just-- just being the ''dumb shit'' that you are and just making that video of you, having a picture of that Guido from the Jersey shore. Ahaha. Ohh... You're a funny guy, Chris. But, okay, I'll-- I'll...
 [''Chris makes a noise to make sure that we still know he has a pulse'']
 '''Jack:''' You can, you know-- I'm-- we're gonna have-- we're not-- I'm not hanging up. We're having our talk right now, Chris, so don't-- don't fuckin' try and rush me, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' 'Cuz I-- I can hear you, you know, fucking... shifting around and going [''at this point, Jack makes raptor noises''], like you're fucking... getting tortured, okay? So don't get antsy with me.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not doing-- I'm not making any noises.
 '''Jack:''' I-- I-- no, I-- I hear you. I hear you, Chris... you know.
 '''Chris:''' You're listening to the radio in the background.
 '''Jack:''' Why-- who the fuck still listens to radio?! I mean, I-- I li-- I listen to NPR, but, you know, otherwise, who the fuck cares?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well-- well, that's John Tesh.
 '''Jack:''' Who the fuck is John Tesh?! Sounds like a fag!
 [''after a pause, they simultaneously say "Anyways...", and, afterward, Chris quietly sighs'']
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you fucker! Anyways-- God!-- parkour: eh, you seem to really not understand parkour.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You really... don't understand-- seem to understand--[''sigh''] you know what? Yeah, you-- I don't-- ...hmm.... Why don't ''you'' explain stuff to me, Chris? I-- I'd like to-- I'd like to know what you... think would be passing as, uhh, you know... you know... parkour?
 '''Chris:''' I did not understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' [''quietly to himself''] That was actually pretty funny. Umm... what is parkour?
 '''Chris:''' Par-core: to my interpretation... it is a style of running. Running from one point to another...-- yes, with jumps...-- and along the walls, and other things.
 '''Jack:''' Mmm... that's-- you interpreted it wrong. It's-- well... yeah, you got it then; you got it when you add the... jumping on the walls and shit. It's-- but, then again... what you said you were doing was "Parkay", which-- Parkay a brand of butter, so, you know, [''Chris begins to interrupt''] seeing that you're a fat load of--
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well-- ok-- well--
 '''Jack:''' '''Hey!''' Do not fucking do that!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forgot-- I... had trouble remembering what the word was.
 '''Jack:''' You know-- you know-- Chris, settle down. It's not ''nice'' to interrupt ''people''.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' Your parents really failed... at teaching you manners.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... well... please continue.
 '''Jack:''' ''Yous'' called it Parkay. Now that's hilarious, because... Parkay is a brand of butter, and you're like butter in that you're a fat piece of shit.
 [''Chris gives one of his infamous sighs, which Jack then mocks'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forg-- I--
 '''Jack:''' You really-- do you really think-- do you really think you're healthy? Do you ''really'' think-- do ''you'' think you're healthy?
 '''Chris:''' I could be healthier.
 '''Jack:''' You could be healthier? Okay, yeah... you could be healthier if your fuckin' blood wasn't made of gra''vy''.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] My blood is not made of gravy.
 '''Jack:''' It's not? It's not. Then why...-- why do you... have to take four fucking breaks in... the video, just running for ten minutes? I can run for ten minutes without taking a break, and I can then go up a flight of stairs, after running ten minutes without a break, and make it to the top... you know, faster than you did.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, then.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty fucking awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' You gonna admit that I'm awesome?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand that question.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, I-- I-- I was just-- oh, are you physically fit?
 '''Chris:''' I will admit that I could be bette-- I could be more fit.
 '''Jack:''' I want you to admit that you are fat, and that you have a problem, and that you need to work on it. [''strange noises of discombobulation''] Nevermind, I'm-- I'm pretty sure you and... Kim (???)-- she's all-- alright with that, because she seems like the type that would, you know... be a... fuckin'... you know, bossy-boss. But are you fit, Chris? Yes or no.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' Do not say-- good. Good, we got somewhere. You are fat. Now... that's the first step in ''fixing'' the problem. Now, you actually have to ''do something'', and by "something", I mean "get out of the house and"-- nah, nevermind; I don't give a shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Uhh, I don't know... [[Vivian]] is... gonna be pissed, and, you know... I'm just saying.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, my bad.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... I want you to... stop rejecting... mail that you don't like.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You-- these are your fans, Chris; you shouldn't be fucking pushing them around like this... and actin' like, ya know, just because they say something that you don't agree with, their... opinions suddenly don't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You know, so.... Vivian is trying to help you, but you don't-- you seem to have a problem with taking advice.
 '''Chris:''' I have been taking advice-- the advice of Vivian.
 '''Jack''': No, you haven't. [''interruption battle ensues''] You've been-- you've been-- okay, here's your version of--
 '''Chris:''' O-- okay, well I-- okay, well, I need to dispel-- I need to--
 '''Jack''': ''Chris''!
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupts quietly''] Okay.
 '''Jack''': What have I told you about interrupting?!
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, I was-- I wa-- I was sayin' somethin', then, uhh, you started sayin' somethin', so, okay... Continue.
 '''Jack''': Trials and advertisements make... you-- trials and adversities make stronger; take your problems head-on; do not fucking dodge them.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': I just read that... from a fortune cookie.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Except I added the "fucking" part, because--
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Chinese people don't curse a lot.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Actually, they do, but... I don't know. They-- they curse in Chinese... something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay.
 '''Jack''': How much do you care about Sonichu? [''disgruntled noise of frustration''] Okay! Now I am pissed, Chris, because I know what you're doing; you're just-- you're not even listening! There's more--
 '''Chris:''' I am listening to you.
 '''Jack''': No, you're just saying, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Uhm-hmm. Yeah." You-- ...I've heard you do this before.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I ''have'' been listening to you.
 '''Jack''': Hi(?), I remember when you did this with ''Clyde''. You just sit there and just, like, go, "Uhm-hmm. Uhm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Mm." Do I do a good impression of you? I think I do. I'm-- I think it's pretty spot-on. So...
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack''': 'Member when-- that's not a fuckin' respo-nse!
 '''Chris:''' That did go on (?).
 '''Jack''': Okay. He-- remember when he tried to get you to go to Redmond... and you didn't go?
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Jack''': You didn't go, because you don't give a ''shit'' about Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' No, I didn't go, because I thought it was [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3175/3084105453_476453cd30.jpg?v=0|a trap].
 '''Jack''': How could it be a trap? For what?
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Jack''': Do you think Clyde would--
 '''Chris:''' My mom thought it wa-- my mom thought it was a trap. My dad thought it was a trap.
 '''Jack''': No, you thought it was a trap!
 '''Chris:''' And th--
 '''Jack''': Mom and Dad don't give a shit about what you do with Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' And then we realized that the-- that the e-mails from Mr. Mayamoto came from Mail.com, which is where anybody could pretend to be somebody else.
 [''at this point, Jack basks in the silence of the rare occurrence of having been owned by Chris'']
 '''Jack''': Eh... Well... Miyamoto--
 '''Chris:''' Of course, you know, my family is concerned of my safety, so there you go.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know ''why'' they threw me out?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
 [''Chris is now officially on a roll'']
 '''Jack''': Oooh! That earns you... two more gay ads! ...You little sassy--
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': thingy... guy. You gonna apologize?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm apologizing. I apologize for that. Okay, I--
 '''Jack''': No, say, "I'm sorry." Hey, "I am sorry."
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Jack''': Well... they kicked me out because I-- because, you know... I have like five other brothers, or something. I don't know. I have a lot of... people in house.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. So it was overcrowded.
 '''Jack''': Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Just like your house, except it's not full of people; it's full of shit that you don't need! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh... we have fun, don't we, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.... Well, you are, anyway.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' And I am not going to interrupt.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... grow some balls, get some initiative, ''fucking'' promote the shit out of Sonichu...
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': ...Vivian's gonna rape me... with the... strap-on, because she's crazy-- oh, wait, I was reading an e-mail. Umm... yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Just do whatever Vivian says, and... I'll be calling you soon, and... you don't fucking abuse your fans. Like, they're, you know-- you don't have a lot of them, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Also, go to Redmond. Because, you know--
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, I-- eventually, I will.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, I-- so.... Oh, also-- also, don't piss of your Asperger friends, 'cuz, you know, they're fuckin'... crazy-ass niggers.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. So... any other thoughts?
 '''Jack''': Alright. Uhh... you're fat.
 '''Chris:''' Oka-- oka-- okay, I guess we're done here...?
 '''Jack''': Yep. Bye-bye.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, take care. [[Christmas|Merry Christmas]].
 '''Jack''': Merry Christmas to you, Fatty Fatfat!

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|First]]|nextlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]|}}
==See also==
*[[Kacey Phone Call]]
*[[Father Call]]
*[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]

==External links==
*<s>[http://filesmelt.com/downloader/jack_call_-_dec_4.mp3 MP3 of the phone call]</s>
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaF7BelpelM Youtube of the call]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]