CWCki - User contributions [en]

Prank calls

2026-03-19T19:23:36Z

MikelAx7: /* Failed Prank Call */ Bob says "games at night", not "games of mind"

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the [[weens]] that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts. In other cases, people have used {{w|Soundboard (computer program)|soundboards}} made with clips of Chris and his father Bob to prank call others for their [[Laughs Under Lucricities|amusement]].

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
|}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Death Note, Shaman King, Vampire Knight, Love Hina, Negima, Marty Bob? There's a whole load of this, what do you like?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please don't hang up, We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
|}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|5IFtCJi8gMI}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
|}

<center>
'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|y47UPTphc58}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
|}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of unfunny [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris. Due to their unoriginality, all they could think of was yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone in a lame attempt to roast Chris. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and roasts them. One of the weens appears to be [[BlueSpike]], or at least he has a similar-sounding voice.

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'''BlueSpike:''' [''whispering''] Fucking pick up, piece of shit!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''BlueSpike:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Troll 2:''' [''overlapping''] Juliiiie!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games at night on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''Barb is heard in the background; after a little bit he hangs up'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''unintelligible chattering''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
|}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
|}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
|}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at ''Bob'' |color=silver|size=360%}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of [[Cherokee]] relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, listen, I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or ma'am or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here- look- don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there.
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have- we didn't have anything to do with this damn... er... thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
|}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob (which, years later, was revealed to be [[Jack Z]], after he admitted it in his [http://archive.vn/0giZa#selection-2095.0-2095.69 Kiwi Farms thread]), calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
|}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
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|
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
|}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
|}

==ThePCAssassins Calls==
{{main|ThePCAssassins}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
|}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occurred not long before it was uploaded.

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''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
|}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

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 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
|}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

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'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
|}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris near-immediately handing the phone over to Barb.

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?)
'''Female Troll:''' No, calm down. Well, it's kind of, like, dying.(?)
'''Troll #1:''' Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Chris:''' Huh?
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Barb:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' [''puts on an exaggerated accent of some sort''] Hello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' Y'aim a foreigner in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''is drowned out by the other trolls''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' Let's do star-67 so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--
</poem>
|}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|VnDPXiPCPos}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 
|}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|-1h7PgNy64I}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. Some have speculated that this call may have been one of the triggers that caused that event; Bob died a month before the call and Chris and Barb were still mourning for him, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>
|}

==Chris Chan calls Time-Life==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|D0wD-XYm6_M}}</center>
{{Transcript}}

=="The many Prank Calls of Chris Chan"==
In this series of calls, another gaggle of weens repeatedly call Chris under the guise of wanting to conduct an interview with him. Chris goes along with it at first, but quickly hangs up after one of the trolls brings up his sex tapes. After three more failed attempts at calling him, which end with Chris pretending to get feedback, wittering on about how he is STRAIGHT, and quickly hanging up, respectively, he continues on with a call at the very end, when one of the weens poses as a fan named Avril/Lily. "Avril" manages to secure a time and date for the "interview", which never ended up happening.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2IgU5Nl1Z1c}}</center>
{{Quote|It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that!|Chris}}
{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris unintentionally''] Well, you guys are, like, bad...
'''Chris:''' Hello? [''pause''] Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Yeah.
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Who is this?
'''Chris:''' Uh.....I should be asking that question.
'''Troll #1:''' You're Chris-Chan, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' Uh-huuuh.
'''Troll #2:''' Wait, you ''are'' Chris-Chan?
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, really?
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, hello there.
'''Chris:''' Yes--
'''Troll #1:''' You're the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' You have, like, a high amount of autism, don't you?
'''Chris:''' Uh, what?
'''Troll #2:''' [''talking over Chris''] Eh, don't worry, I have autism too, I...just...
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris-Chan, we just want a word with you. Um, what was your inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I can't quite--I did not quite understand that, I got my mind on other things as well at the moment.
'''Troll #1:''' Well, mm-mm--well, anyways, Chris-Chan, what was your biggest inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' Hmm...oh, wa--oh so many things that I can't really say off the top of my head right now.
'''Troll #1:''' Isn't it a conversion of S-uh, Pokémon and Sonic, correct?
'''Chris:''' It's--that is one thing, yes, but there are so many other things as well.
'''Troll #1:''' [''blowing the call almost immediately''] And you make sex tapes. [''chuckles'']
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, don't you go and do that! Idiot.
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, sorry...
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit...
[''Chris hangs up, and after a few seconds of silence the default Skype hangup sound is heard'']
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit, Leonard(?), you went a little too far.
'''Troll #3:''' You blew it.....you blew it! At least we knew something. Right?
'''Troll #2:''' Mmmhmm.
'''Troll #3:''' Rrrrright?
'''Troll #2:''' Right.
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hey, [[Kim]]! [''pause''] Kim? ...hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Christian?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Troll #1:''' Uhhhhh, well, we--a bunch of people, my friends, we both, uh, decided to interview you if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' [''poorly imitating feedback''] Ah-kk-kkkk-I-kkkk-can't-kkkk-hear-kkkk-going-kkkk-through-kkkk-the-kkkk-ground, uhhh, ugh-kkkk-talk to you...guys...later! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' Uhh...i-it won't be...''that douchebag!'' Where--
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Hello, Chris-Chan, my name is John Speed. I'm one of your biggest fans and I wanna know if I can do an interview with you?
'''Chris:''' I will answer one question, and that will be: I AM STRAIGHT.
'''Troll #1:''' That's--
'''Chris:''' The--I only made that video as a ''mockery'', as a slanderous mockery, like is it--it was done in ''[[Monty Python]] Flying Circus'', except now it--now, '''it's'''..."''Really Stupid Flying Jackass''"!
'''Troll #1:''' [''tries talking, is continually interrupted'']
'''Chris:''' So, that's what--so, that was basically the premise of that video, and I'm about to make an announcement video, cons--to, uh, emphasize that, I was going--I was going with the direct, uh--direction of ''stupid''...in the, duh, ih, the definition of "stupid" then referring to the word GEHHHHH! EHH! It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that! You can QUOTE me on that! Bye-bye.
'''Troll #1:''' .....FUCK!
'''Troll #3:''' Uh, the contrary(?)...
'''Troll #1:''' Fail number three. [''sarcastic applause''] Thaaaaat's it. We can't call him.
[''they nevertheless call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #3:''' Hello, Chris-Chan! ['''Chris:''' ...goodbye!] Or, can I say, father?
'''Troll #1:''' YOU GOT PWNED BY CHRIS-CHAN! [''the other trolls laugh'']
'''Troll #3:''' ''What?''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris-Chan pwned!
'''Troll #3:''' Really, what? Since when has Chris-Chan been--
[''they call him one last time'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Troll:''' Hello, um, is this Christian Weston Chandler?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, um, I'm sorry we've never been properly introduced here, uh, my name is, um, Avril. See, my-my real name is Lily, but my, uh, my screenname on the internet is "Avril the Hedgehog", and I'm from a, uh, a small, close-knit Sonic community and we would like to conduct a phone interview with you if you d-if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' Well, uh, uh--I would not mind but I'm busy at the moment, so, perhaps another time?
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, well, tell me whatever time's best for you and I will contact you then, I will patch you in for anytime you're available except for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be busy. But Monday or Tuesday is probably the best time for me.
'''Chris:''' I see, what will you be doing tomorrow?
'''Female Troll:''' Tomorrow, I have to do some stuff with my family, my, um, father's moving into a new house, I have to make sure everything is all checked out, so that's, I'm gonna be out of the house all day, I'm going to be very, very busy. Real estate, y'know.
'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, uh, did you say Tuesday was not good?
'''Female Troll:''' Tuesday's fine with me, I can do Tuesday.
'''Chris:''' A'ight, Tuesday night then.
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, Tuesday, what time?
'''Chris:''' About--about 9:00 Eastern.
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, that's wonderful, that's perfect for me, thank you very much, Chris.
'''Chris:''' Alright, what timezone do you live in?
'''Female Troll:''' I live in Eastern as well, so this is perfect for me.
'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, take care, be safe.
'''Female Troll:''' You too, thank you very very very much. Okay.</poem>
|}

==Sonichussy Call==
On 26 [[December 2023]], Twitter user Caseyj109 uploaded a video, and wrote "@CPU_CWCSonichu why didn’t you answer my phone call? #chrischan #cwcville #sonichu"<ref>https://twitter.com/Caseyj109/status/1739863842207805592 ([https://twitter.com/Caseyj109/status/1739863842207805592 archive])</ref> The video depicts Casey calling [[Barbara Chandler]] and asking for "[[Weening|Sonichussy]]", which unsurprisingly goes nowhere.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nb7LVaW9Lhg}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
'''Casey:''' [''video starts mid-sentence''] --ourt house?
 '''Barbara:''' Yup, what'cha need?
 '''Casey:''' Hello, is, uh, is-is, is Christine there?
 '''Barbara:''' No.
 '''Casey:''' No?
 '''Barbara:''' Christine does not live here.
 '''Casey:''' [''drowned out by Barb''] She doe--?
 '''Barbara:''' Why do you need her--why do you need Christine?
 '''Casey:''' I'm just trying to figure out what that Sonichussy's like.
 '''Barbara:''' You tryin' to figurin' out what?
 '''Casey:''' What that So, what that Sonichussy's like.
 '''Barbara:''' Oh...
 '''Casey:''' ...yes, ma'am?
 '''Barbara:''' I don't know. Just watch, just watch the co... read the comic books.
 '''Casey:''' Read the comic books?
 '''Barbara:''' Yeah.
 '''Casey:''' Okay. And I'll figure out what that Sonichussy be like?
 '''Barbara:''' ...okay, bye.
 '''Casey:''' ''(imitating Barb)'' Bye. ''(giggles like an idiot)''
|}

{{FanChats}}
{{References}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Arthur Spatchcock Interviews

2023-05-29T22:45:29Z

MikelAx7: /* Transcript */ Chris is not relating to Arthur that he can not wear a medallion by saying "I know", he is thinking out loud "I don't know", and you can hear him say the latter. Chris would not respond positively to a fan saying that wearing sonichu merchandise is not fashionable like that.

[[File:Cwc neptune.png|thumb|The resemblance is uncanny.]]

[[Sonichu comic|Sonichu]] fan CatKnight/MasterDisaster AKA Arthur Spatchcock of England interviews our [[Chris|TRUE AND HONEST hero]], posing as an interested English entrepreneur. Chris is completely fooled, despite the affected English accent fluctuating a good deal, and even tries to British it up himself by responding ad nauseam with "quite" and "indeed". Naturally, numerous tangents that are totally inappropriate for a business call occur.

Four more interviews follow this one.

Spatchcock also tried to assist Chris in making content, by persuading him to try doing [[Chris and money#Let's Plays|Let's Plays]]. Chris made two Let's Plays before giving up, choosing to [[Financhu Crisis|beg for handouts]] from his audience instead.

== Highlights ==
Chris reveals the plot for upcoming pages in [[Sonichu 11]], rants about [[Evan]] and how [[Barb]] does not look like a Snorlax, and claims that he looks like [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Neptune]].

== Video ==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = CatKnight Interview
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Wn8u6txdVLc}}
| Stardate = 23 January 2016
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Trolls|CatKnight/Arthur Spatchcock]]
| previous = N/A
| next = [[CatKnight Interview 2]]
}}
</center>

== Transcript ==

'''''Part 1'''''

'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Arthur:''' Hello there! Yes, Christine!

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Arthur:''' It is my distinct honor to be talking to you. As you know, I'm [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|Arthur Spatchcock]]. It's a pleasure, really it is.

'''Chris:''' ...Thank you.

'''Arthur:''' I've been a long-time fan of [[Sonichu]]. I mean, implacably so.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Arthur:''' My favorite character, actually, is [[Magi-Chan]], to be honest.

'''Chris:''' ...Oh, do tell me why?

'''Arthur:''' Magi-Chan, it's because of his-- you know, he wants to help all of his friends, and with his ability to contact them all simultaenously at the same time, it's an amazing ability to have.

'''Chris:''' Quite, he is the [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|psychic type]], after all.

'''Arthur:''' Right, yes. And I absolutely love the fact that, you know, he can plan things accordingly and contact everyone, simultaneously, and get that plan out.

'''Chris:''' He can also see into the future a bit as well.

'''Arthur:''' How far into the future can he see, actually? He doesn't want to ruin his own future, right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Not enough to, uhh... Well, he knows quite-- he can see quite a bit far into the future, but although there are details of which you might not be able to see, a point or two.

'''Arthur:''' Right, he wouldn't want to time-logic himself, accidentally mess up the future by trying to affect it.

'''Chris:''' Quite.

'''Arthur:''' Yes. Also a big fan of [[Rosechu]]; I think every, I think every Sonichu fan loves Rosechu.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Arthur''' Of course. Now, as I said, I'm interviewing you because I want to get some personal information about Sonichu and a little bit about yourself.

'''Chris:''' Uh--

'''Arthur:''' For example, I cannot wait to see some more pages of the latest chapter -- [[Sonichu 11|chapter eleven]] -- great, the Christmas special was fantastic; loving [[Kevin]] as a character, by the way.

'''Chris:''' ...Okay, thank you.

'''Arthur:''' But uh, are there more coming? Because I can tell you right now, I know a few rabid fans, my niece included, who can't wait to see some more.

'''Chris:''' Yes, uh, yes, more pages will be coming and are still, are still in the, uh, works, it just, uh, depends on my mood, and how I feel in a days, 'cause...

'''Arthur:''' Oh yes, we -- we all get [[Stress|the frumps]].

'''Chris:''' Nobody's perfect.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, we all get the frumps.

'''Chris:''' ...Quite. But they're still-- they're still in my mind, and in the processes, and everything. I just take it one moment at a time and I do what I can when I'm able.

'''Arthur:''' Absolutely, you go at your pace, that's what I expect. I don't want you to rush yourself.

'''Chris:''' ...Indeed.

'''Arthur:''' And as for your [[medallions]] and stuff, I'm still thinking about getting one, but honestly, I just don't know where I could ever wear it.

'''Chris:''' Ha! I don't know... you could always, display it at the very least.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, very true. And your [[Amiibo]] collection is getting quite large, actually.

'''Chris:''' ...Well I have a wide variety of characters, and uh, a few more to come out, there's-- to expect.

'''Arthur:''' Have you considered releasing a box set at some point, with a special edition? Maybe -- ooh! How about this: a Christian-- a Christine Weston Chandler ultimate box set, the first edition set, all ten of the original completed comics, and a medallion of your choice, for a hundred dollars.

'''Chris:''' [''minor [[stress sigh]]''] [[Chris and Money|For a hundred dollars]]? Th-that's, that's quite, that's uh, it'd take more funds for me to, more funds than that for me to be able to acquire the material figures...

'''Arthur:''' Oh, well we can worry about those details in the uh, the process, the manufacturing aspect. I'm talking about after we make this stuff BIG, Christine. Not right now. Once you get some-- once you actually get some, uh, CLOUT behind Sonichu, you won't have to worry about things like funding anymore.

'''Chris:''' ...Well... Uh I'll just, I'll just wait and see how it comes about, and when it comes about I'll be able to plan better.

'''Arthur:''' Precisely. So, okay, I guess we should get to the question part. This conversation's great, but I don't want to waste all of your time, you might-- you must be ''very busy'' working on smaller projects as is.

'''Chris:''' Quite, indeed.

'''Arthur:''' Indeed indeed. All right, so I guess the first question is: if Sonichu [[Jimmy Hill|were brought over here to Europe]] -- you know, Britain and all that, I guess if you want to be technical -- um, how do you think he would be best implemented? As a [[Sonichu the Animated Series|cartoon]], or maybe a [[Asperchu|comic]]?

'''Chris:''' I'm sure probably both.

'''Arthur:''' A cartoon and a comic, that's ambitious.

'''Chris:''' Eventually, uh, I would do the, the voice-acting of Sonichu and myself, personally.

'''Arthur:''' Now that is a question I do have to bring up. With the, um, with the change you've made in your life, going from "Chris" to "Christine," that is an interesting aspect based on the original comic pages. How do you plan on altering that, to fit into the storyline?

'''Chris:''' It's been, it's been implemented during the, uh, during the eleventh book here--

'''Arthur:''' Ah, it is.

'''Chris:''' It is, it is a bit of, I think I've mentioned it as a bit of a hint, of that, uh, amongst the recent pages I've uploaded, but if not there is something that will be hinted in the upcoming pages, of which I do have planned, which where everybody's gathered around the Christmas tree in the shopping mall.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, you've been bringing up that Christmas party on the last update of the comic, and let me tell you, I was absolutely surprised you had to stop right there. You could have just gone a little further.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, yeah, it just depends on my pace and my mood, and uh, all the other projects and everything that goes on in my life, it's just, [[Lego|it's really]] [[video games|busy]] [[television|around here]].

'''Arthur:''' Understandable, understandable.

'''Chris:''' ...I mean, I certainly do a lot around here, and uh, our funds are, most of our-- [[Monthly tugboat|mostly fixed, yet uh, limited, and can be varying]], but-- but for the most part we get by fairly well throughout the month.

'''Arthur:''' You're not hurting or anything, are you? I mean, you're not like, you're not stuck eating ramen noodles and uh, cups of water, are you?

'''Chris:''' No. We get-- no, we get by fairly well. We, uh, [[Chris and English|we try to eat very well and good]].

'''Arthur:''' I myself had some eggies in a basket today and some toad-in-the-hole which were really good.

'''Chris:''' I, warmed up a batch-- warmed up a couple of eggs with spinach to make green eggs and ham.

'''Arthur:''' Really now? How did that turn out, was it good?

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Arthur:''' Hmm, I'll have to try that sometime.

'''Chris:''' I mean, look it up on the internet, you uh, you put, you, uh, put the eggs in the-- in there with the, with the pieces of the spinach leaves, and mix 'em together to put- pour it into the frying pan, and put in whatever else you kn-- you might like, some salt or cheese, and-- or maybe even put the-- put pieces of ham IN to the eggs, make yourself, uh, kind of an omelette there, as well. It'll work out pretty good.

'''Arthur:''' So you really are taking care of yourself physically. I've noticed in the last couple of videos that you've done, you've been looking a lot slimmer.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Arthur:''' It's nice to see you taking care of yourself.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I try to get out and about, uh, most days of the week, and get at least, uh, the thousand to ten thousand steps, if not greater.

'''Arthur:''' Ten thousand steps, that's impressive. ...Even I don't get that many, but I sit in front of a computer all day doing work, so I don't have that choice.

'''Chris:''' I'm sitting behind my-- I'm sitting behind my desk or, uh, sit-- or sitting with the dogs, and uh, giving them some time, but I try and make time for my family as well, during-- during each day.

'''Arthur:''' How has [[Barb|your mother]] been? If I'm not digging too deep; if that's going too far, just let me know.

'''Chris:''' My mother-- my mother is in quite good health. She is not, uhh, lazy or fat like a Snorlax, like, uh, some people would claim.

'''Arthur:''' I've-- I've seen the jokes, I find them in completely poor taste.

'''Chris:''' Yes, very poor taste. And quite most inaccurate.

'''Arthur:''' Now, one thing that does come to mind is that I know there are quite a few people out there who have besmirched your name; not only yours, but your creations as well. This "[[Asperchu]]," as he was called? Was completely asinine, if I remember correctly?

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Arthur:''' Now, this per-- now this person won't make an appearance if we try to bring this business deal to light, will he?

'''Chris:''' Mmph... Yeah, Asperchu is definitely not a canon character, except for, uh, in [[Sonichu 10|book ten]], where, to-- tried to put a damper on the... [[Parody|parodies]]... of my character, which is considerable parody of the other two characters, of [[Sonic]] and [[Pokemon|Pikachu]]. Yeah, but essentially, that's where I tried to remedy and tried to make-- him-- make him to be better, as in, uh, were- among which, drawn to look better, definitely-- the way that guy drew his characters, and pages? It was just so blocky, and that's not really, quite all that befitting.

'''Arthur:''' Oh, understandable. I mean he's besmirching your name, he's stealing your [[copyright]], of course it's not going to look as good as the original.

'''''Part 2'''''

'''Chris:''' But then also the way my [[hair]] turned out, after the semi-permanent hair color, [[Chris and reality|kind of makes me look like Sailor Nep-- Neptune]].

'''Arthur:''' Yes, I see the resemblance.

'''Chris:''' And I find that quite-- quite favorable, 'cause it's, in the anime she was an artiste as well, on the violin.

'''Arthur:''' I would suggest-- I would suggest, Christine, that if you really want to bring out that blue color, that you should pick a lighter color first and start with that, and then hit it with the blue, and it will come out extremely vibrant.

'''Chris:''' I'll keep that in mind.

'''Arthur:''' Like, go with a um, like a blonde or a platinum blonde, and THEN wait a few days to hit it with that blue? And it'll hit that battery blue color you're looking for perfectly.

'''Chris:''' Mmkay.

'''Arthur:''' Because it would really bring out the color in your eyes, you know?

'''Chris:''' Indeed.

'''Arthur:''' ...Okay, so we left off at Sonichu, if I remember correctly?

'''Chris:''' Oh, yeah, we were talking about, we were talking about the Asperchu part.

'''Arthur:''' That's right, we were talking about Asperchu. I noticed there's a few other things, like when you brought Simonla back from the dead. That was a very ballsy move, I have to say.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I just don't care about [[Evan|the guy]] who created his Simonchu and claiming that [[Simonla]] was based off of that? That's not the case at all. I mean, even long before Simonchu ever came about from my viewpoint, I wanted to make a ground-type character, among which, and-- and uh, I wanted-- I definitely had in mind amongst which, uh, drill arms, and that sort of thing, but I just never really could figure out the, uh, shape and formula in my head. But then eventually I did see the Simonchu, and... and from, and from that, uh, I took a little out-- I took a little bit, here and there, and I made the Rosechu character. And, uh, I mean, Simonla is, was-- I got that name based off of the, uh, movie that's called "Simone"? Uhh, which uh, that was about a holographic, uh, woman, that was depicted as a famous singer.

'''Arthur:''' I see, I see, yes. Well you know, all that copyright infringement and stuff, everything, I don't think you'll have to worry about that. I mean, the person would have to come forward and complain about it, and what are the odds of that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, quite. And plus, definitely stronger than his Simonchu with the simitanium bones and recovery aspect, similar to Wolverine.

'''Arthur:''' Actually, I looked up simitanium, and it's an actual thing.

'''Chris:''' Huh, it is. I thought I just made it up.

'''Arthur:''' No. It's actual-- I don't think it has much to do with what you're talking about, but it's actually [[wikipedia:Itanium|an electronic thing]] with [[computer]]s.

'''Chris:''' Huh. Well, chalk it up to coincidence, definitely, 'cause I never heard of that.

'''Arthur:''' No, no, completely coincidental. I mean, it seems to work; I mean, after all, it's basically given her Wolverine-like powers.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yes. And then the irony, com-- going to computers and electronics, she's a ground and electric type, it turns out to work out pretty good.

'''Arthur:''' Hm. Maybe you should point that out sometime, make it a part-- make it a part of the character.

'''Chris:''' I'll make a little [[Random Access Humor|joke]] out of that at one point, then.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, sounds like a good idea to me. So we were talking about Sonichu, and like I said, you won't have to worry-- hope too much about some of your, um, less than desirable people. I know that you went on a bit of a hiatus for a while; you came back, stronger than ever. I mean, I thought Sonichu was dead and gone forever, but then you came back with new comics, and new medallions and Amiibos, and I was blown away.

'''Chris:''' Yes. I never meant-- I w-- I was never meant-- I mean, Sonichu was not dead. I never meant for that to be uh, the outcome there. I fell into the hiatus because I felt overwhelmed with the stress, and uhh... [[Mental Block|shoot, what's the word there I'm trying to think of]]... Well anyway, I just-- I just felt overwhelmed from between the internet trolls laying me down, and I had to take my webpages down because of them hacking into it. And it just killed-- it just killed my inspiration for a while. And then eventually I realized that trolls are people, and I started find-- and especially after I identified myself as a female soul trapped in this male body, and a lesbian transwoman from that? I def-- I definitely was able to turn my self-esteem around from that, but uh, I still need improvements here and there.

'''Arthur:''' Oh no, you seem more confident than ever.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Arthur:''' Honestly, you seem more confident than you did five years ago, and that's great.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Arthur:''' ...It's nice to see that you've finally came to terms with the fact that if you can't beat the trolls, you just ignore them.

'''Chris:''' Yes. And definitely to quote the WatchMojo dot com Top Ten Internet Trolls, it definitely puts in better perspective that they are still just people, don't know how better communicate in better words, or emotions. ...But yeah, nobody's perfect, anyway.

'''Arthur:''' Right. ...Okay, so so far we've covered Sonichu, we've covered, um, the people from your past that hopefully won't come forward trying to claim rights to Sonichu; we wouldn't want THAT issue when we're trying to set up our little endeavor.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Arthur:''' Now the last thing we need to talk about is your input on this. Now, you said you wanted to voice Sonichu AND yourself in the show. That makes sense.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Arthur:''' Are there any other characters-- Now, honestly, there are a few characters we simply cannot touch. Now I noticed you brought in Ren Skysoar to replace Doctor Robotnik. Now that's a good start, but I can tell you right now that my associates CANNOT get Sonic into that show easily.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Although I tell you, um, definitely I was able to rectify the problem in book one, where Simonla disguised hers-- transformed, and made herself into Sonic, for that book, and then definitely later into Amy Rose just for the walk-in.

'''Arthur:''' Okay. So that will definitely cover those small bases. Because honestly, we can't touch characters like, you know, we can't touch Robotnik, we can't touch Aqua Teen Hunger Force, because that'll just create all kinds of issues with other companies, and they're gonna, they're all gonna want their piece of the pie. And let's face it, you don't want your piece to get any smaller.

'''Chris:''' Quite, mm. What makes you bring in the, uh, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, if I may ask?

'''Arthur:''' You remember, that scene when they're inside the, the restaurant, when Son-- uh, no, it's the mall, and Sonichu and Rosechu are eating at the restaurant, and you've got the little Meatwad thing on the table?

'''Chris:''' Oh, oh, oh yeah. Yes, just to make a little-- fun happy-- fun-- yeah. I do remember that part, yeah.

'''Arthur:''' You've got to be careful, because I can tell you right now, people on the internet'll notice the smallest things and point them out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's not pertinent to the story or whatever.

'''Arthur:''' It might not hurt anything.

'''Chris:''' It's not gonna be repeated.

'''Arthur:''' We'll-- Oh, I'm sorry, please continue.

'''Chris:''' It'll definitely be revealed in, uh, a later part that after I've made apparent in the Facebook post that Sonichu is allergic to [[Pickle|pickles]].

'''Arthur:''' Yes, I find that-- I've always found his allergy to pickles to be quite hilarious.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And uh, kind of a spoiler, there will be a part in a future story where he-- where pretty much in a dream scenario, he has to swim in a river of essentially pickle brine juice.

'''Arthur:''' Oh no.

'''Chris:''' And he blows up during the swim.

'''Arthur:''' Really? So he's like, he's like deathly allergic to pickles?

'''Chris:''' Quite.

'''Arthur:''' He better hope he gets an [[wikipedia:Epinephrine|endephrine shot]] after that.

'''Chris:''' Well he's quite, uh, he's quite strong, so he's able to survive it, and at the end of the river is uh, is a healing pond at which he recovers from the allergy fairly quick.

'''Arthur:''' Well I guess that will definitely take care of that problem.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Arthur:''' Now are you going to be introducing any more new characters into the series? Because right now you've already got quite a collection of people already ready to go. But seeing as how previous villains in the series have either been arrested, or, or gone, or dead, or missing, I should say, are you introducing new villains into the series based on the current, you know, issues in your life?

'''Chris:''' I would say that's still yet to be determined. But at least I was-- at least I am definitely glad to give Count Graduon a past human form with which to lead into his spirit, and um, [[Duck|very small]] spoiler, among the uh, people he'll be bringing in uh, the bodies, he finds somebody that looks nearly exactly like he used to, and he brings in-- he becomes one of the Jerkops, so he brings him in and moves his soul from the Metal Sonichu into that body.

'''Arthur:''' Now I gotta tell you right now, I definitely want to see more Metal Sonichu.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll definitely see Graduon's soul in Metal Sonichu's body, and uh, Skysoar will be employed under Graduon, and he'll make a few more of them.

'''Arthur:''' See, what you need in the series, I think to really push the bad guys now, instead of just having Jerkops, you need like, robotic Jerkops, like 2.0.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, pretty much, uh...

'''Arthur:''' After all, when you have a hero like Sonichu... Sonichu is already pretty powerful, and all of his friends are pretty strong too. You need to start adding that concept of conflict by making the enemies tougher too.

'''Chris:''' ...Yes, that will be taken under consideration. I already have a few-- I already have a few ideas on my mind, among which. But that is definitely one I could definitely add into, uh, the uh, into the Jerkop and Janekops, there.

'''Arthur:''' Because--

'''Chris:''' Make 'em-- make 'em a bit cyborg.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, you know, it's like, uh, it's like Power Rangers, the original Power Rangers, with Zordon? When they had the Putties, and then they had the Lord Zedd Putties?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. ...Quite. But anyway, yes, I will take all that under great consideration.

'''Arthur:''' Just ideas to implement. You know, create-- because after all, if you're going to make a cartoon, you definitely want it to be action-packed for the kids.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, action-packed, but also would like to be able to, put a good lesson or positive story in, every now and then.

'''Arthur:''' Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Put a nice little bit of Column A, and a little bit of Column B, and that makes sure you've got a great show for kids.

'''Chris:''' Yes. I do agree.

'''Arthur:''' Because after all, your core demographic are the kids, you want them, 'cause they're the ones who are gonna get their kids-- their parents to buy them Sonichu action figures, and Sonichu video games.

'''Chris:''' Yep, definitely in there amongst my pipe dreams, there.

'''Arthur:''' Well, the great thing about a pipe dream is it's always there. So if you try hard enough, it might happen.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Thank you.

'''Arthur:''' We're slowly building the foundations, here. Right now, this is the foundation. I'm going to show this to my superiors, and we're gonna see where things go from there.

'''Chris:''' That sounds good.

'''Arthur:''' I will get back to you, and I will share their ideas with you, to see what the next step is.

'''Chris:''' All right. That's good. And uh, definitely be sure to, uh, when you, when you broadcast this interview, to talk about my CWCVille shopping store on [[Etsy]].

'''Arthur:''' Absolutely.

'''Chris:''' And uh-- and I'm guessing that you do have to link to that, so copy and paste that to the storefront.

'''Arthur:''' Of course.

'''Chris:''' And, this-- this has been good.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, it's been a great conversation. Like I said before, it was a glorious opportunity to get this first opportunity to speak with you.

'''Chris:''' Yes, thank you.

'''Arthur:''' Of course. You're one of my-- I'm one of your biggest fans.

'''Chris:''' Thank you very much, I really do appreciate th-- your support, and everyone's sup-support, regardless of them being good or bad or trolls or bullies or indifferent.

'''Arthur:''' Well, you know what they say, Christine: all-- no publicity is bad publicity.

'''Chris:''' I have heard that, yes.

'''Arthur:''' So even if people, even if people are being [[jerks]] and making fun of you, they're still bringing attention to you, and bringing attention to you brings attention to Sonichu.

'''Chris:''' Yes. I have realized that.

'''Arthur:''' All right, Christine. I think we've covered enough on this first little meeting. I'll get back to you in a few days to see how things have turned out with my superiors.

'''Chris:''' Okay, thank you, Arthur.

'''Arthur:''' No problem, Christine, you have a nice evening.

'''Chris:''' Yes, you have a good evening, too. Y'all take care.

'''Arthur:''' Thank you.

'''Chris:''' Bye bye.

'''Arthur:''' Goodbye.

== External Links ==
*[https://soundcloud.com/cat-knight-430471584/part-1-christine/s-iCiQa Part 1], [https://soundcloud.com/cat-knight-430471584/part-2/s-o9B33 Part 2]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2foze6TYvE Youtube Mirror]

{{FanChats}}
{{people}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Chris and sex

2023-05-24T00:29:40Z

MikelAx7: /* Sex with Mother */

{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
{{Incomplete|Information regaring Chris' sexual frustration, and how he copes with it}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''' and '''romps in the hay'''<ref>Chris has used this phrase since approximately [[2018]], including in [[:File:SchuComic12-9Page29.JPG|Sonichu #12-9]], on his [[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts|polyamorous marriage]] and on his [[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris texts about incest with his mother|incest with his mother]].</ref>), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, [[Borb|a sheltered upbringing]], and the [[Autism|twisted, disjointed]] [[Chris and reality|worldview]] he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he [[Things Chris has ripped off|stole]] from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong – Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms – either medical or slang – for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Reproductive Biology===
{{Main|Biology#Reproductive biology}}
[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris's understanding on reproductive biology had primarily come from what he had seen in porn.

===Books on the Subject===

Chris had obtained a copy of the book [[Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability]], which he had told [[Null]] about on 5 July 2021. As a result of reading this book, Chris came to believe that he could mentor people about dating and sex. Chris had especially shown this in conversations he had with [[the Suitress]], where he attempts to advise her on how to approach a potential lover when she goes off to college.<ref>[[Suitress DMs#Dating Advice]]</ref> Chris had seemed to twist or misunderstand many of the passages found in this book, taking it to be a book on how to perform sex on disabled people, rather than one ''for'' disabled people.

==Moral Basis==

{{Dated}}

===Straightness===

{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

Chris's stance on sexual orientations have always been iffy at best. Prior to his transition to a Tomgirl, he has shown a fear of losing his straightness. This obsessive demand for people to "STAY STRAIGHT" has been one of the first noted and exploited aspects of Chris since his discovery. Many trolls had jokingly declared this as an indicator of him repressing his sexuality in some fashion, only for it to end up being the case in the long run.

===Religion===
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex was at one point viewed, through Chris's eyes, by the Bible – or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris was very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picked and chose what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

===Sexism===

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian [[For Julie's Eyes Only|professing his love]] for "[[BlueSpike|Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the [[JERKS|men]] in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological in nature (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex), or a combination thereof.

In the 2018 [[All Star]] video, Chris is seen tugging his [[duck]] along to the song. He remains flaccid the entire time; his inability to get an erection is possibly a side effect of [[Transgender|HRT]]. If this is true, Chris will certainly not be getting any hanky-panky in the future.

During his time losing his virginity to a [[Mia Hamm| prostitute]] its worth noting that he first received a blowjob, then demanded cowgirl before possible missionary later; [[Obesity| but luckily for her]] he couldn't last very long and finished just after she rid him for a bit; this is important as it points to 2 big problems with Chris; first his lack of self control due to him [[Navy| finishing]] so quickly, second is that he ordered possibly the laziest sex position in the book, with Mia doing pretty much all of the physical exercise with Chris being a lazy fuck.

Chris's second sexual partner in his life was none other than his own [[Barb|mom]], the exact details of the [[Affair with Mother|incestuous affair]] is a bit vague but needless to say every act described by Chris is extremely disturbing and not for the faint of heart.

===Contraceptives===

{{quote|Confidentially, I wear a condom during the second half when I masturbate; I use Trojan or LIfestyles brand (Trojan mostly)

And I used condoms when I fooled with the [[Officer Nasty|L.D.s]] as well.|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 1]]}}

Condoms, or as Chris has called them "'''raincoats'''", are thin latex coverings worn over a man's penis for the purpose of birth control. However, Chris seemed to understand the condom as more of a symbol for promoting safe premarital sex rather than as a contraceptive. Aside from promoting safe sex and justifying premarital sex, Chris has also drawn his male Sonichu characters with condoms in order to censor their penises. Chris has stated that before his third date with [[Blanca]], he'd wear a condom for the first two times they've had sex, only to have non-protected sex by the third date, showing that he also believed that condoms serve more as some kind of gateway to pregnancy. Chris had a box of chocolate-flavored condoms that he purchased to be prepared for his first time. Chris had given a few different dates for when they expired; some time in 2010 <ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#Condoms]]</ref> and January 2013.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

Chris reportedly also wore a condom that was flavored like green apple while engaging in sex with Mia Hamm.<ref>[[July 2020 social media posts]]</ref>. Its not entirely clear whether the condom was entirely successful or not due to him mentioning that a "Smidge" of Navy had leaked out after their first round together, meaning he either kept them in his pocket far too long, the condom didn't fit entirely properly around his [[Duck]], he became flaccid way faster than he should have, or he's an idiot who mistook a smear of lube or vaginal discharge for semen; knowing Chris any of these [[Chris and negligence| explanations]] [[Duck| are]] [[Health| equally]] [[Slow in the minds| possible]]. For those wondering however, it's probably safe to assume [[Mia Hamm]] won't be harboring [[Crystal]] any time soon; even by some non-existent chance he managed to get her pregnant, she would have likely been on the pill anyway.

Chris would later reveal to [[Null]] that he was using a condom while having sex with his "over 50 girlfriend", who was later discovered to be [[Barb]]. While ploughing a woman like Barb would cause anyone to instinctively wear the thickest condom available, then get themselves tested a few times over just in case (all of which Chris did); realistically there wasn't much reason to do so since the risk of STD and pregnancy was non-existent since both were [[Health|(at least where STIs were concerned)]] clean and both were completely infertile.

== Sexual Frustration ==

Chris has had a yearning to have a girl to have sex with since the start of his [[Love Quest]] in 2003.

Throughout the first half of [[2021]], Chris' search for a sweetheart had resumed. Chris has expressed great sexual frustration, yearning for a physical girl to have sex with over his [[polyamorous marriage|ficticious sweethearts]]. According to [[Kyle]], at some point in [[February 2021]] Chris expressed interest in wanting to get a hooker,<ref name=feb21hooker>[[The Place chats (March 2021)#Chris wanted a hooker]]</ref> something which Chris was once not in favor of.

In [[March 2021]], following a masturbation session, Chris had a conversation with the [[Watchmen]], in which he discussed how, despite not disliking or disapproving of the act of masturbation, he felt that he was [[Gender dysphoria|born the wrong gender]].<ref>[[Masturbation discussions#16 March 2021]]</ref> In a [[May 2021]] conversation, he claimed that over the years, he would continually consume pornography and masturbate to get "the hard-on". He expressed how until recently, he felt that he had not fully explored his sexuality, nor any other means to stimulate himself, and even then claims to still overthink the process of [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|inserting a dildo or vibrator up his ass]]. <ref>[[Masturbation discussions#18 May 2021]]</ref>

==Means of Coping with Sexual Frustration==

=== Masturbation and Porn Consumption ===

{{Main|Mass debating}}

Chris has had a history of masturbating, starting when he discovered he could stimulate his penis by rubbing it against a washcloth when he was 15. In 2009, he made use of a washbasin in the kitchen of his house while performing the act, and had claimed in the [[Ivy Q&A]] that he made use of a pillow that he'd fold in half, treating it as a mastrubation tool. Since then, masturbation has been an outlet for Chris's sexual frustration.

In a [[February 2021]] conversion with [[The Watchmen]], Chris said "Masturbation takes Fifteen LONG, Tiring and Annoying Minutes, with my body, regardless of whatever method or tool utilized. And it has literally been that long in unenjoyable time since I first rubbed one out while my body was 15. And that was Looooong before I ever started on HRT in 2016. So, not only is masturbation out of the question, it's more misery-inducing."<ref>[[Masturbation discussions#27 February 2021]]</ref>

=== Drawing Porn ===

{{quote|As for the drawing itself, I've realized that it was done not only out of inspired fantasy, angst against E.D., and love for you, but also a major release for my crazy, mixed-up hormones. If I didn't have the foresight to put my pent-up frustrations and feelings in the form of something, I might have become an abusive maniac, so thank god for allowing me to release my bottled up frustrations in a more positive, yet not so "Politically Correct", and not physically hurting others, method.|Chris on how he might have approached Megan had he not drawn [[SheCameForCWC.jpg]]<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED]]</ref>}}

Chris has on more than one ocassion drawn pornography of his own in order to release sexual tension. Chris claimed to [[Megan Schroeder]] that he had in part created the controversial drawing [[SheCameForCWC.jpg]] because he felt that doing so would inhibit him from sexually advancing on Megan, as he had feelings for her, and would have become an "abusive maniac" had he not created the drawing. The fact that Chris had decided to use what was essentially a product of his own pent-up sexual frustration as a means of attempting to get his Encyclopedia Dramatica page down only seemed to leave a much more bitter taste in Megan's mouth after announcing this.

During the period when Chris became much more sexually frustrated in 2021, he displayed this more openly towards friends, and even on his social media. He sent a picture of his Chris Chan Sonichu persona wearing a [[negligee]] while giving a seductive look to [[The WCT]], and talked to him about how arousing it is to wear one.

=== Sex Toys ===

Chris has made [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|numberable purchases]] for sex toys, porn DVDs and inflatable sex dolls.

=== Relationships with OCs ===

For a time, partly due to influence from the [[Idea Guys]], Chris has temporarily given up on his search for a sweetheart in pursuit for being in relationships with fictional characters instead.

=== Wet Dreams ===

Chris has also had his share of wet [[dreams]], particularly whenever he had held strong feelings for his flavor of the week. The first of these wet dreams was of [[PandaHalo]], where he dreamed about the both of them getting naked, having sex, and then Chris finally climaxing. Chris also had a dream where he was in a labyrinth filled with water, where he met a woman and had sex with her, Chris recreated the dream in a Flipnote animation. The strangest of these was of one where Chris claims that he "almost had sex" with the Sonic character Sally Acorn, which had left him sexually frustrated afterwards. Chris talks about another wet dream he had two months later, this time of the ''Sonic X'' character Chris Thorndyke aged-up and "handsome". Chris also expresses the sexual frustration he felt after waking up from this dream too.<ref>[[MKR DMs]]</ref>

=== Sex with Mother ===

It had long been joked and speculated by trolls, christorians, and observers alike that Chris has much more intimate feelings with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] than he let on. These speculations were confirmed in July of 2021 when screenshots were leaked of Chris detailing to Isabella Loretta Janke his incestuous exploits. Null later revealed worrying conversations he had previously with Chris about a new "over 50's" girlfriend he had been using condoms with. We will leave it to you to put 2 and 2 together.

==Sexual Deviance==

Chris's skewed basis of his understanding of sex leads him to exhibiting several instances of sexual deviance.

===Innappropriate Interactions with Women===

To say the least, Chris's social interactions hinder his ability to understand sex etiquette.

===Pedophilia and Age Disparity===
{{main|Pedofork}}
{{Wise|he is a pedophile.}}

Pedophilia has always been a touchy subject in regards to Chris. Chris had at first attempted to deny all claims that he was a pedophile, even creating a new word "pedofork", as a sort of comeback to those who refered to him as such, being created solely to make the word rhyme in "I'm not a pedofork, you dorks". Chris has tried to retain this image by removing any references that may be interpreted as him being a pedophile in his Sonichu comics. Most infamously, Chris had characters in [[Sonichu 8]] make comments about "dumb laws" when [[Zapina Rosechu]], who is 14 years old, asks to participate in stripping for Women's Rights.

At a glance, Chris seems to adhere to the age of consent, once advertising on his [[Attraction Sign|Attraction Signs]] that he would only date someone of legal age. Chris however does not seem to understand or care about how creepy it is for him to be attracted to women that are half his age, and seems to see it as yet another barrier for his Love Quest. Chris has cat-called an artist whom he believed to be "entering young adulthood", has made sexual remarks towards [[Bella]]; despite her having no interest in Chris, and has shown arousal when [[the Suitress]] exposed herself to him.

===Necrophillia===

While Chris himself has never engaged in sex with a dead body, Chris has [[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022|recently]] been referring to barb as a zombie like husk since even before they began engaging in [[Affair with Mother| their affair]] and that her soul has already moved on to her rosechu form in C-197; complaining that her lifeless body was still clinging to life and preventing him from going back home. Meaning that Chris is at least partially comfortable with the idea of having sex with his dead mother.

In another disturbing instant, Chris recorded [[It's not that cold]] where he proceeds to imitate buffalo bill and pretends to get inside his dead dog [[Patti]], while not engaging in sex with her he does take a bizarre sexual pleasure in wearing her corpse (or at least pretending to since he was too lazy to actually dig her up).

===Bestiality===
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20161007175309/http://archive.sonichu.com:80/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

====Is Chris a furry?====
{{Wise|he is a furry.}}

{{quote|I am half-Sonichu and half-Pokemon, thus making me a "furry".|Chris, May 2018, during the aftermath of the [[Idea Guys]] saga.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220209025754/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997320832040005634</ref>}}

Whether Chris could actually be considered a furry was debated for a long time.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. Chris certainly gets aroused by provocative drawings of anthropomorphic animals (at least when they are [[Sonic]] characters), and he has drawn unsolicited porn of his own Sonic recolors. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona, and Chris even role-played the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both transform into anthropomorphic animals during the act of sex. On the other hand, [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] noted that Chris was prejudiced against a male furry who patronized [[The GAMe PLACe]] because he happened to be [[gay]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref> Given the high proportion of gay and bisexual men in the furry fandom, Classic Chris would almost certainly have been uncomfortable at any kind of furry gathering.

In [[May 2018]], under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], Chris declared himself a furry.<ref>[[May_2018_social_media_posts#Michael_Hirtes_BTFO]]</ref> The Idea Guys also [[brainwashed]] him into believing he is in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with his anthropomorphic [[imaginary friends]] [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Cryzel]], and Chris believes he has had sexual relations with these imaginary friends.<ref>[[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts]]</ref>

Also of note is that in [[July 2020|mid-2020]], he binge-watched the [[Netflix]] anime ''BNA: Brand New Animal'', commenting it was "very good" but said nothing further than that.<ref>[[July_2020_social_media_posts#Animu]]</ref>

While Chris may loosely qualify as a furry due to his obsession with anthropomorphic [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] and [[My Little Pony|ponies]], he has never shown an interest in the broader furry community.

===Oedipus Complex===
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris's leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was – in a rare display of common sense – afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that [[Mia Hamm|the girl]] was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210206132219/https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

In [[June 2016]], Chris himself made [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|another attempt]] to enter the prostitution business, now as a [[Tomgirl|trans woman]], going by the name "Stephanie Bustcakes". Predictably, Chris was unable to find any "women of any orientation" who were interested in paying him $100 to have sex either "one way or the lesbian way", and the Stephanie Bustcakes persona has not yet reappeared.

[[File:ChrisChanSexForMoney.png|thumb|200px]]
On 24 April 2018, while under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], who had allegedly been extorting him out of thousands of dollars, Chris announced:<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts#Will provide house tour and suck dicks for money]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Anyone living locally to me in Virginia, or visiting in Charlottesville, I’ll give y’all BJs for money too. Serious.}}

A fan on Twitter messaged him about it. In their conversation, Chris said:<ref name=price>[[:File:NAME YOUR PRICE!!.jpeg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Consider me a beginner with experience blowing [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan|my loving boyfriend]], willing to learn and adapt further. $50 for that BJ from this celeb; if he wants butt sex, that will be $100. Cash only.}}

Chris told [[CWCProtectSquad]] member Tings Tingz that he was indeed serious about prostituting himself, had several offers, but had not taken on any customers. When asked if he would consider, Chris responded, "a little from Column 'A' and the latter from Column 'B'".<ref>[[Tings Tingz DMs#Prostitution post]]</ref>

After the [[Guard Dogs]] rescued Chris from the Idea Guys' influence, he reversed course and disavowed the prostitution messages on 7 May 2018, saying he had been coerced.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20191107173201/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/993693423084318720</ref> He went further on 25 May, saying he had been forced to write such things, and implied the Idea Guys had been behind it.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Calling out the Idea Guys]]</ref>

According to [[Kyle]], in [[February 2021]], Chris wanted a hooker and asked Kyle to ask [[Null]] to get him one.<ref name=feb21hooker></ref>

==Incest==
{{See also|Affair with Mother}}
{{Split Off}}
{{Quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]].|Chris, 2016}}

[[File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|thumb|Chris having sex with his "son," Sonichu, in order to fulfill a prophecy to bring Crystal into the world.]]

Chris has long been suspected of having unnatural feelings about [[sex]] and family.

In [[2007]], Chris attempted to shock [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] into submission by posting his own [[Rule 34]] drawings, including one of himself [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|fingerbanging a nude brunette woman]]. ED users immediately concluded this was Crystal, Chris's imaginary twin sister in the comics. This charge infuriated Chris and therefore became the conventional wisdom. By the time Chris successfully convinced anyone that it was really [[Megan Schroeder]] in the drawing, the notion that Chris wants to bang his imaginary twin sister had already stuck.

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related (despite their type and appearance differences, they all come from [[homos|Sonic and the same male Pikachu]] – apart from that fact, they were all created by Chris and acknowledge him as such – Sonichu and Rosechu calling him father), but many of them are paired off with one another (notably Sonichu/Rosechu, Bubbles/Blake, and Magi/Silvana – Simonla was technically made by someone else), banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]]. Chris's own comic children are a form of incest – as Chris impregnated himself with his navy. Chris shrugs off [[Autism|all medical/science facts]] and lists the two as perfectly healthy and Autism Free.

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship,<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> not realizing that incest is shown in a positive light in [[Chris and religion|the Bible]]. When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible,<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true.<ref> [https://web.archive.org/web/20051223102404/http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]</ref> In [[February 2010]], Chris notably did not react to [[:File:Fkinglie.png|an extremely NSFW ad of himself]] on the [[CWCipedia]] depicting himself fingering Barb [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|like he did with a former friend in a certain illustration]], despite reacting to [[I am Alive|an ad claiming that he was dead]].

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, the troll convinced Chris that [[Magi-Chan]] foretold of a prophecy in which [[Crystal]] would be born by Chris mating with Sonichu. He also informed Chris that if this was drawn, he wouldn't have to do it in real life. Chris complied<ref>https://archive.md/AL1PT</ref>. During the nonsensical [[Sonichu 13| issue 13]] of Sonichu incest is unsurprisingly everywhere, from [[Chris Chan Sonichu]] getting married to [[Magichan]] to Chris and Sonichu raping each other.

To the [[Watchmen]], Chris chatted about how he was upset over implications of incest in the ''Sonichu'' family, stating that he had written a piece to dispute the "ugh, Incest bullshit."<ref>[[Chats leaked by MKRs Bloody Chunks#Ugh, Incest]]</ref>

In a Facebook post from [[January 2020]], Chris reiterated his opposition to incest, writing "I, personally, seriously disapprove of incest and would never practice it at all" and "The Bottom Line is: Incest is Never 'Wincest' (Epic UGH!)".<ref>[[January 2020 social media posts#Incest is not wincest]]</ref>

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest. He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever." Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s)." All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which raises the question of whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].

{{quotebox|I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

On 13 September 2019, while [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as Magi-Chan, Chris would describe Barb as a "guilty pleasure waifu."<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Barbara was more of a "guilty pleasure" waifu]]</ref>

===Actual sex with Barb===

While the prospect of Chris having sex with Barb was joked about for many years, most people did not believe Chris would actually go through with it. Before the [[Incest call]] was leaked, there were numerous warning signs of what was to come, mainly being the fact Barb would force Chris to spoon her in bed for many years, and telling Mia Hamm that the sexual massage he gave her was the same that he gave his mother. Their actions around each other have indicated a history of incestuous interest, however many just assumed that this was a combination of Chris's [[autism]] making him act inappropriately and Barb's infamously controlling behaviour.

After the incest calls were leaked it was revealed that Chris had been engaging in regular sex with Barb every 3 nights or so since 27 June 2021. His "seduction" methods included giving her full body massages while making attempts to finger her, kissing her on the lips with Barb refusing to open her mouth and Chris making "Psychic connections" with her before, during and after their romps in the hay.

It's also noteworthy that Chris refers to Barb as "Barbie Chan" almost exclusively now; whether this has something to do with her supposed anime fanfiction characteristics, a bizarre pet name or Chris trying to subconsciously distance himself from their familial bonds is unknown.

==Rape==
{{Protip|It has not been officially proven that Chris has raped his mother, though he also alludes to Barb being "zombie-like" months before he started his affair with her in jail letters.}}

Chris was very apathetic about the idea of consent, and to a larger extent, the act of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to ''move in'' with her rapist ([[Chris and religion|which is technically in-line with certain archaic Christian principles]]), whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he didn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detailed a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. Chris eventually compared his ordeals with the trolls, particularly during the [[Christorical eras|Classic Era]] to rape in his Facebook posts. (Since [[BlueSpike]]'s [[Julie Reveals Herself|most infamous incident]] involved an act that could be described as sexual abuse in front of several people, this is admittedly a fitting description.)

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, the situation was more complicated. For starters, as explained earlier, he admitted that he drew [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] to prevent himself from acting on his sexual impulses against [[Megan Schroeder]], who had previously scolded him for inappropriately touching her. During a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. He also evidently saw no issue with rape by fraud (essentially having sex with someone while tricking them into believing you're somebody else, meaning they didn't consent with you) as seen with his comic book counterpart when he travels forwards in time to have sex with his future wife [[Lovely Weather]] in the guise of being his future self [[Transgender|(whom is definitely a different person in the future)]]. During the [[Kacey Calls]], he attempted unsuccessfully to lure her to his place in the guise of being [[Liquid Chris]], again seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

Despite joking about how uncomfortably close he was to his own mother, few actually believed that Chris had it in him to commit an act of rape. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent... Or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]]. Also not helping matters was Chris kissing multiple guests who posed with him at the [[TooManyGames]] convention regardless of consent, which ultimately got him kicked out.

Furthermore, it was argued that Chris didn't have a history of violence conducive to attempting sexual assault. Aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], [[28 October 2011|hitting Michael Snyder with a car]], and [[26 December 2014|macing a manager in the chest]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person – the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), it was encouraged that women should exercise caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Chris and his ego|an attractive enough]] [[Transgender|transwoman]] for [[Jacob Sockness|a man]] to consider raping him.

Questions of whether or not Chris was capable of rape have been discussed previously among observers, but the situation became much more complicated in [[2021]] following Chris's [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]], which has not been proven to be consensual or non-consensual despite circumstantial evidence pointing toward the latter. In light of the information revealed through the [[Incest call]] and other outlets from around the same time, it's unclear whether or not Barb agreed to have sex with her son or if he forced himself onto her, and as such, it is not clear if Chris is actually a rapist. Chris noted that Barb appeared to be "partially confused" during certain sexual encounters, which fueled longtime speculation she could have a degenerative mental disease, which would thus make her unable to consent.

For what it's worth, Chris mentioned that Barb made the first move, which would be consistent with certain inappropriate behavior that she got Chris to do earlier in life (such as asking him to spoon with her). As there is little context as to what happened during the incestuous affair, [[List of Chris's lies|as Chris is known for being an unreliable source of information]], and as Barb has not spoken about the subject, it cannot clearly be confirmed to be rape without a proper criminal investigation. Chris has also not been charged with rape despite spending months in jail, awaiting his trial for the incest charge. With Barb being declared mentally competent enough to live on her own in 14 Branchland Court, it is unlikely that rape charges will be pursued without her testimony, and even then, that would only happen if she decides to throw Chris under the bus. In the event that the affair was consensual, Barb would also most likely want to avoid incriminating herself, as she herself could face a charges if she was a willing participant.

==See also==
* [[Affair with Mother]]
* [[China]]
* [[Chris and his Ego]]
* [[Chris and sexuality]]
* [[Chris Sex Logs]]
* [[Duck]]
* [[Homos]]
* [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases]]
* [[Mass debating]]
* [[Naive]]
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Biology#Reproductive biology|Reproductive Biology]]
* [[Semen]]
* [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
* [[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>
{{articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Chris and sex

2023-05-24T00:29:02Z

MikelAx7: /* Sex with Mother */ added a sentence to reflect recent times because I really don't feel like expanding on it more but I'll come back later

{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
{{Incomplete|Information regaring Chris' sexual frustration, and how he copes with it}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''' and '''romps in the hay'''<ref>Chris has used this phrase since approximately [[2018]], including in [[:File:SchuComic12-9Page29.JPG|Sonichu #12-9]], on his [[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts|polyamorous marriage]] and on his [[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris texts about incest with his mother|incest with his mother]].</ref>), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, [[Borb|a sheltered upbringing]], and the [[Autism|twisted, disjointed]] [[Chris and reality|worldview]] he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he [[Things Chris has ripped off|stole]] from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong – Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms – either medical or slang – for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Reproductive Biology===
{{Main|Biology#Reproductive biology}}
[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris's understanding on reproductive biology had primarily come from what he had seen in porn.

===Books on the Subject===

Chris had obtained a copy of the book [[Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability]], which he had told [[Null]] about on 5 July 2021. As a result of reading this book, Chris came to believe that he could mentor people about dating and sex. Chris had especially shown this in conversations he had with [[the Suitress]], where he attempts to advise her on how to approach a potential lover when she goes off to college.<ref>[[Suitress DMs#Dating Advice]]</ref> Chris had seemed to twist or misunderstand many of the passages found in this book, taking it to be a book on how to perform sex on disabled people, rather than one ''for'' disabled people.

==Moral Basis==

{{Dated}}

===Straightness===

{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

Chris's stance on sexual orientations have always been iffy at best. Prior to his transition to a Tomgirl, he has shown a fear of losing his straightness. This obsessive demand for people to "STAY STRAIGHT" has been one of the first noted and exploited aspects of Chris since his discovery. Many trolls had jokingly declared this as an indicator of him repressing his sexuality in some fashion, only for it to end up being the case in the long run.

===Religion===
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex was at one point viewed, through Chris's eyes, by the Bible – or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris was very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picked and chose what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

===Sexism===

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian [[For Julie's Eyes Only|professing his love]] for "[[BlueSpike|Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the [[JERKS|men]] in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological in nature (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex), or a combination thereof.

In the 2018 [[All Star]] video, Chris is seen tugging his [[duck]] along to the song. He remains flaccid the entire time; his inability to get an erection is possibly a side effect of [[Transgender|HRT]]. If this is true, Chris will certainly not be getting any hanky-panky in the future.

During his time losing his virginity to a [[Mia Hamm| prostitute]] its worth noting that he first received a blowjob, then demanded cowgirl before possible missionary later; [[Obesity| but luckily for her]] he couldn't last very long and finished just after she rid him for a bit; this is important as it points to 2 big problems with Chris; first his lack of self control due to him [[Navy| finishing]] so quickly, second is that he ordered possibly the laziest sex position in the book, with Mia doing pretty much all of the physical exercise with Chris being a lazy fuck.

Chris's second sexual partner in his life was none other than his own [[Barb|mom]], the exact details of the [[Affair with Mother|incestuous affair]] is a bit vague but needless to say every act described by Chris is extremely disturbing and not for the faint of heart.

===Contraceptives===

{{quote|Confidentially, I wear a condom during the second half when I masturbate; I use Trojan or LIfestyles brand (Trojan mostly)

And I used condoms when I fooled with the [[Officer Nasty|L.D.s]] as well.|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 1]]}}

Condoms, or as Chris has called them "'''raincoats'''", are thin latex coverings worn over a man's penis for the purpose of birth control. However, Chris seemed to understand the condom as more of a symbol for promoting safe premarital sex rather than as a contraceptive. Aside from promoting safe sex and justifying premarital sex, Chris has also drawn his male Sonichu characters with condoms in order to censor their penises. Chris has stated that before his third date with [[Blanca]], he'd wear a condom for the first two times they've had sex, only to have non-protected sex by the third date, showing that he also believed that condoms serve more as some kind of gateway to pregnancy. Chris had a box of chocolate-flavored condoms that he purchased to be prepared for his first time. Chris had given a few different dates for when they expired; some time in 2010 <ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#Condoms]]</ref> and January 2013.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

Chris reportedly also wore a condom that was flavored like green apple while engaging in sex with Mia Hamm.<ref>[[July 2020 social media posts]]</ref>. Its not entirely clear whether the condom was entirely successful or not due to him mentioning that a "Smidge" of Navy had leaked out after their first round together, meaning he either kept them in his pocket far too long, the condom didn't fit entirely properly around his [[Duck]], he became flaccid way faster than he should have, or he's an idiot who mistook a smear of lube or vaginal discharge for semen; knowing Chris any of these [[Chris and negligence| explanations]] [[Duck| are]] [[Health| equally]] [[Slow in the minds| possible]]. For those wondering however, it's probably safe to assume [[Mia Hamm]] won't be harboring [[Crystal]] any time soon; even by some non-existent chance he managed to get her pregnant, she would have likely been on the pill anyway.

Chris would later reveal to [[Null]] that he was using a condom while having sex with his "over 50 girlfriend", who was later discovered to be [[Barb]]. While ploughing a woman like Barb would cause anyone to instinctively wear the thickest condom available, then get themselves tested a few times over just in case (all of which Chris did); realistically there wasn't much reason to do so since the risk of STD and pregnancy was non-existent since both were [[Health|(at least where STIs were concerned)]] clean and both were completely infertile.

== Sexual Frustration ==

Chris has had a yearning to have a girl to have sex with since the start of his [[Love Quest]] in 2003.

Throughout the first half of [[2021]], Chris' search for a sweetheart had resumed. Chris has expressed great sexual frustration, yearning for a physical girl to have sex with over his [[polyamorous marriage|ficticious sweethearts]]. According to [[Kyle]], at some point in [[February 2021]] Chris expressed interest in wanting to get a hooker,<ref name=feb21hooker>[[The Place chats (March 2021)#Chris wanted a hooker]]</ref> something which Chris was once not in favor of.

In [[March 2021]], following a masturbation session, Chris had a conversation with the [[Watchmen]], in which he discussed how, despite not disliking or disapproving of the act of masturbation, he felt that he was [[Gender dysphoria|born the wrong gender]].<ref>[[Masturbation discussions#16 March 2021]]</ref> In a [[May 2021]] conversation, he claimed that over the years, he would continually consume pornography and masturbate to get "the hard-on". He expressed how until recently, he felt that he had not fully explored his sexuality, nor any other means to stimulate himself, and even then claims to still overthink the process of [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|inserting a dildo or vibrator up his ass]]. <ref>[[Masturbation discussions#18 May 2021]]</ref>

==Means of Coping with Sexual Frustration==

=== Masturbation and Porn Consumption ===

{{Main|Mass debating}}

Chris has had a history of masturbating, starting when he discovered he could stimulate his penis by rubbing it against a washcloth when he was 15. In 2009, he made use of a washbasin in the kitchen of his house while performing the act, and had claimed in the [[Ivy Q&A]] that he made use of a pillow that he'd fold in half, treating it as a mastrubation tool. Since then, masturbation has been an outlet for Chris's sexual frustration.

In a [[February 2021]] conversion with [[The Watchmen]], Chris said "Masturbation takes Fifteen LONG, Tiring and Annoying Minutes, with my body, regardless of whatever method or tool utilized. And it has literally been that long in unenjoyable time since I first rubbed one out while my body was 15. And that was Looooong before I ever started on HRT in 2016. So, not only is masturbation out of the question, it's more misery-inducing."<ref>[[Masturbation discussions#27 February 2021]]</ref>

=== Drawing Porn ===

{{quote|As for the drawing itself, I've realized that it was done not only out of inspired fantasy, angst against E.D., and love for you, but also a major release for my crazy, mixed-up hormones. If I didn't have the foresight to put my pent-up frustrations and feelings in the form of something, I might have become an abusive maniac, so thank god for allowing me to release my bottled up frustrations in a more positive, yet not so "Politically Correct", and not physically hurting others, method.|Chris on how he might have approached Megan had he not drawn [[SheCameForCWC.jpg]]<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED]]</ref>}}

Chris has on more than one ocassion drawn pornography of his own in order to release sexual tension. Chris claimed to [[Megan Schroeder]] that he had in part created the controversial drawing [[SheCameForCWC.jpg]] because he felt that doing so would inhibit him from sexually advancing on Megan, as he had feelings for her, and would have become an "abusive maniac" had he not created the drawing. The fact that Chris had decided to use what was essentially a product of his own pent-up sexual frustration as a means of attempting to get his Encyclopedia Dramatica page down only seemed to leave a much more bitter taste in Megan's mouth after announcing this.

During the period when Chris became much more sexually frustrated in 2021, he displayed this more openly towards friends, and even on his social media. He sent a picture of his Chris Chan Sonichu persona wearing a [[negligee]] while giving a seductive look to [[The WCT]], and talked to him about how arousing it is to wear one.

=== Sex Toys ===

Chris has made [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|numberable purchases]] for sex toys, porn DVDs and inflatable sex dolls.

=== Relationships with OCs ===

For a time, partly due to influence from the [[Idea Guys]], Chris has temporarily given up on his search for a sweetheart in pursuit for being in relationships with fictional characters instead.

=== Wet Dreams ===

Chris has also had his share of wet [[dreams]], particularly whenever he had held strong feelings for his flavor of the week. The first of these wet dreams was of [[PandaHalo]], where he dreamed about the both of them getting naked, having sex, and then Chris finally climaxing. Chris also had a dream where he was in a labyrinth filled with water, where he met a woman and had sex with her, Chris recreated the dream in a Flipnote animation. The strangest of these was of one where Chris claims that he "almost had sex" with the Sonic character Sally Acorn, which had left him sexually frustrated afterwards. Chris talks about another wet dream he had two months later, this time of the ''Sonic X'' character Chris Thorndyke aged-up and "handsome". Chris also expresses the sexual frustration he felt after waking up from this dream too.<ref>[[MKR DMs]]</ref>

=== Sex with Mother ===

It had long been joked and speculated by trolls, christorians, and observers alike that Chris has much more intimate feelings with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] than he let on. These speculations were confirmed in July of 2021 when screenshots were leaked of Chris detailing to Isabella Loretta Janke his incestuous exploits. Null later revealed worrying conversations he had previously had with Chris about a new "over 50's" girlfriend he had been using condoms with. We will leave it to you to put 2 and 2 together.

==Sexual Deviance==

Chris's skewed basis of his understanding of sex leads him to exhibiting several instances of sexual deviance.

===Innappropriate Interactions with Women===

To say the least, Chris's social interactions hinder his ability to understand sex etiquette.

===Pedophilia and Age Disparity===
{{main|Pedofork}}
{{Wise|he is a pedophile.}}

Pedophilia has always been a touchy subject in regards to Chris. Chris had at first attempted to deny all claims that he was a pedophile, even creating a new word "pedofork", as a sort of comeback to those who refered to him as such, being created solely to make the word rhyme in "I'm not a pedofork, you dorks". Chris has tried to retain this image by removing any references that may be interpreted as him being a pedophile in his Sonichu comics. Most infamously, Chris had characters in [[Sonichu 8]] make comments about "dumb laws" when [[Zapina Rosechu]], who is 14 years old, asks to participate in stripping for Women's Rights.

At a glance, Chris seems to adhere to the age of consent, once advertising on his [[Attraction Sign|Attraction Signs]] that he would only date someone of legal age. Chris however does not seem to understand or care about how creepy it is for him to be attracted to women that are half his age, and seems to see it as yet another barrier for his Love Quest. Chris has cat-called an artist whom he believed to be "entering young adulthood", has made sexual remarks towards [[Bella]]; despite her having no interest in Chris, and has shown arousal when [[the Suitress]] exposed herself to him.

===Necrophillia===

While Chris himself has never engaged in sex with a dead body, Chris has [[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022|recently]] been referring to barb as a zombie like husk since even before they began engaging in [[Affair with Mother| their affair]] and that her soul has already moved on to her rosechu form in C-197; complaining that her lifeless body was still clinging to life and preventing him from going back home. Meaning that Chris is at least partially comfortable with the idea of having sex with his dead mother.

In another disturbing instant, Chris recorded [[It's not that cold]] where he proceeds to imitate buffalo bill and pretends to get inside his dead dog [[Patti]], while not engaging in sex with her he does take a bizarre sexual pleasure in wearing her corpse (or at least pretending to since he was too lazy to actually dig her up).

===Bestiality===
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20161007175309/http://archive.sonichu.com:80/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

====Is Chris a furry?====
{{Wise|he is a furry.}}

{{quote|I am half-Sonichu and half-Pokemon, thus making me a "furry".|Chris, May 2018, during the aftermath of the [[Idea Guys]] saga.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220209025754/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997320832040005634</ref>}}

Whether Chris could actually be considered a furry was debated for a long time.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. Chris certainly gets aroused by provocative drawings of anthropomorphic animals (at least when they are [[Sonic]] characters), and he has drawn unsolicited porn of his own Sonic recolors. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona, and Chris even role-played the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both transform into anthropomorphic animals during the act of sex. On the other hand, [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] noted that Chris was prejudiced against a male furry who patronized [[The GAMe PLACe]] because he happened to be [[gay]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref> Given the high proportion of gay and bisexual men in the furry fandom, Classic Chris would almost certainly have been uncomfortable at any kind of furry gathering.

In [[May 2018]], under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], Chris declared himself a furry.<ref>[[May_2018_social_media_posts#Michael_Hirtes_BTFO]]</ref> The Idea Guys also [[brainwashed]] him into believing he is in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with his anthropomorphic [[imaginary friends]] [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Cryzel]], and Chris believes he has had sexual relations with these imaginary friends.<ref>[[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts]]</ref>

Also of note is that in [[July 2020|mid-2020]], he binge-watched the [[Netflix]] anime ''BNA: Brand New Animal'', commenting it was "very good" but said nothing further than that.<ref>[[July_2020_social_media_posts#Animu]]</ref>

While Chris may loosely qualify as a furry due to his obsession with anthropomorphic [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] and [[My Little Pony|ponies]], he has never shown an interest in the broader furry community.

===Oedipus Complex===
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris's leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was – in a rare display of common sense – afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that [[Mia Hamm|the girl]] was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210206132219/https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

In [[June 2016]], Chris himself made [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|another attempt]] to enter the prostitution business, now as a [[Tomgirl|trans woman]], going by the name "Stephanie Bustcakes". Predictably, Chris was unable to find any "women of any orientation" who were interested in paying him $100 to have sex either "one way or the lesbian way", and the Stephanie Bustcakes persona has not yet reappeared.

[[File:ChrisChanSexForMoney.png|thumb|200px]]
On 24 April 2018, while under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], who had allegedly been extorting him out of thousands of dollars, Chris announced:<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts#Will provide house tour and suck dicks for money]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Anyone living locally to me in Virginia, or visiting in Charlottesville, I’ll give y’all BJs for money too. Serious.}}

A fan on Twitter messaged him about it. In their conversation, Chris said:<ref name=price>[[:File:NAME YOUR PRICE!!.jpeg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Consider me a beginner with experience blowing [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan|my loving boyfriend]], willing to learn and adapt further. $50 for that BJ from this celeb; if he wants butt sex, that will be $100. Cash only.}}

Chris told [[CWCProtectSquad]] member Tings Tingz that he was indeed serious about prostituting himself, had several offers, but had not taken on any customers. When asked if he would consider, Chris responded, "a little from Column 'A' and the latter from Column 'B'".<ref>[[Tings Tingz DMs#Prostitution post]]</ref>

After the [[Guard Dogs]] rescued Chris from the Idea Guys' influence, he reversed course and disavowed the prostitution messages on 7 May 2018, saying he had been coerced.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20191107173201/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/993693423084318720</ref> He went further on 25 May, saying he had been forced to write such things, and implied the Idea Guys had been behind it.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Calling out the Idea Guys]]</ref>

According to [[Kyle]], in [[February 2021]], Chris wanted a hooker and asked Kyle to ask [[Null]] to get him one.<ref name=feb21hooker></ref>

==Incest==
{{See also|Affair with Mother}}
{{Split Off}}
{{Quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]].|Chris, 2016}}

[[File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|thumb|Chris having sex with his "son," Sonichu, in order to fulfill a prophecy to bring Crystal into the world.]]

Chris has long been suspected of having unnatural feelings about [[sex]] and family.

In [[2007]], Chris attempted to shock [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] into submission by posting his own [[Rule 34]] drawings, including one of himself [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|fingerbanging a nude brunette woman]]. ED users immediately concluded this was Crystal, Chris's imaginary twin sister in the comics. This charge infuriated Chris and therefore became the conventional wisdom. By the time Chris successfully convinced anyone that it was really [[Megan Schroeder]] in the drawing, the notion that Chris wants to bang his imaginary twin sister had already stuck.

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related (despite their type and appearance differences, they all come from [[homos|Sonic and the same male Pikachu]] – apart from that fact, they were all created by Chris and acknowledge him as such – Sonichu and Rosechu calling him father), but many of them are paired off with one another (notably Sonichu/Rosechu, Bubbles/Blake, and Magi/Silvana – Simonla was technically made by someone else), banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]]. Chris's own comic children are a form of incest – as Chris impregnated himself with his navy. Chris shrugs off [[Autism|all medical/science facts]] and lists the two as perfectly healthy and Autism Free.

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship,<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> not realizing that incest is shown in a positive light in [[Chris and religion|the Bible]]. When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible,<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true.<ref> [https://web.archive.org/web/20051223102404/http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]</ref> In [[February 2010]], Chris notably did not react to [[:File:Fkinglie.png|an extremely NSFW ad of himself]] on the [[CWCipedia]] depicting himself fingering Barb [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|like he did with a former friend in a certain illustration]], despite reacting to [[I am Alive|an ad claiming that he was dead]].

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, the troll convinced Chris that [[Magi-Chan]] foretold of a prophecy in which [[Crystal]] would be born by Chris mating with Sonichu. He also informed Chris that if this was drawn, he wouldn't have to do it in real life. Chris complied<ref>https://archive.md/AL1PT</ref>. During the nonsensical [[Sonichu 13| issue 13]] of Sonichu incest is unsurprisingly everywhere, from [[Chris Chan Sonichu]] getting married to [[Magichan]] to Chris and Sonichu raping each other.

To the [[Watchmen]], Chris chatted about how he was upset over implications of incest in the ''Sonichu'' family, stating that he had written a piece to dispute the "ugh, Incest bullshit."<ref>[[Chats leaked by MKRs Bloody Chunks#Ugh, Incest]]</ref>

In a Facebook post from [[January 2020]], Chris reiterated his opposition to incest, writing "I, personally, seriously disapprove of incest and would never practice it at all" and "The Bottom Line is: Incest is Never 'Wincest' (Epic UGH!)".<ref>[[January 2020 social media posts#Incest is not wincest]]</ref>

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest. He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever." Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s)." All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which raises the question of whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].

{{quotebox|I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

On 13 September 2019, while [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as Magi-Chan, Chris would describe Barb as a "guilty pleasure waifu."<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Barbara was more of a "guilty pleasure" waifu]]</ref>

===Actual sex with Barb===

While the prospect of Chris having sex with Barb was joked about for many years, most people did not believe Chris would actually go through with it. Before the [[Incest call]] was leaked, there were numerous warning signs of what was to come, mainly being the fact Barb would force Chris to spoon her in bed for many years, and telling Mia Hamm that the sexual massage he gave her was the same that he gave his mother. Their actions around each other have indicated a history of incestuous interest, however many just assumed that this was a combination of Chris's [[autism]] making him act inappropriately and Barb's infamously controlling behaviour.

After the incest calls were leaked it was revealed that Chris had been engaging in regular sex with Barb every 3 nights or so since 27 June 2021. His "seduction" methods included giving her full body massages while making attempts to finger her, kissing her on the lips with Barb refusing to open her mouth and Chris making "Psychic connections" with her before, during and after their romps in the hay.

It's also noteworthy that Chris refers to Barb as "Barbie Chan" almost exclusively now; whether this has something to do with her supposed anime fanfiction characteristics, a bizarre pet name or Chris trying to subconsciously distance himself from their familial bonds is unknown.

==Rape==
{{Protip|It has not been officially proven that Chris has raped his mother, though he also alludes to Barb being "zombie-like" months before he started his affair with her in jail letters.}}

Chris was very apathetic about the idea of consent, and to a larger extent, the act of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to ''move in'' with her rapist ([[Chris and religion|which is technically in-line with certain archaic Christian principles]]), whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he didn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detailed a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. Chris eventually compared his ordeals with the trolls, particularly during the [[Christorical eras|Classic Era]] to rape in his Facebook posts. (Since [[BlueSpike]]'s [[Julie Reveals Herself|most infamous incident]] involved an act that could be described as sexual abuse in front of several people, this is admittedly a fitting description.)

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, the situation was more complicated. For starters, as explained earlier, he admitted that he drew [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] to prevent himself from acting on his sexual impulses against [[Megan Schroeder]], who had previously scolded him for inappropriately touching her. During a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. He also evidently saw no issue with rape by fraud (essentially having sex with someone while tricking them into believing you're somebody else, meaning they didn't consent with you) as seen with his comic book counterpart when he travels forwards in time to have sex with his future wife [[Lovely Weather]] in the guise of being his future self [[Transgender|(whom is definitely a different person in the future)]]. During the [[Kacey Calls]], he attempted unsuccessfully to lure her to his place in the guise of being [[Liquid Chris]], again seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

Despite joking about how uncomfortably close he was to his own mother, few actually believed that Chris had it in him to commit an act of rape. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent... Or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]]. Also not helping matters was Chris kissing multiple guests who posed with him at the [[TooManyGames]] convention regardless of consent, which ultimately got him kicked out.

Furthermore, it was argued that Chris didn't have a history of violence conducive to attempting sexual assault. Aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], [[28 October 2011|hitting Michael Snyder with a car]], and [[26 December 2014|macing a manager in the chest]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person – the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), it was encouraged that women should exercise caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Chris and his ego|an attractive enough]] [[Transgender|transwoman]] for [[Jacob Sockness|a man]] to consider raping him.

Questions of whether or not Chris was capable of rape have been discussed previously among observers, but the situation became much more complicated in [[2021]] following Chris's [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]], which has not been proven to be consensual or non-consensual despite circumstantial evidence pointing toward the latter. In light of the information revealed through the [[Incest call]] and other outlets from around the same time, it's unclear whether or not Barb agreed to have sex with her son or if he forced himself onto her, and as such, it is not clear if Chris is actually a rapist. Chris noted that Barb appeared to be "partially confused" during certain sexual encounters, which fueled longtime speculation she could have a degenerative mental disease, which would thus make her unable to consent.

For what it's worth, Chris mentioned that Barb made the first move, which would be consistent with certain inappropriate behavior that she got Chris to do earlier in life (such as asking him to spoon with her). As there is little context as to what happened during the incestuous affair, [[List of Chris's lies|as Chris is known for being an unreliable source of information]], and as Barb has not spoken about the subject, it cannot clearly be confirmed to be rape without a proper criminal investigation. Chris has also not been charged with rape despite spending months in jail, awaiting his trial for the incest charge. With Barb being declared mentally competent enough to live on her own in 14 Branchland Court, it is unlikely that rape charges will be pursued without her testimony, and even then, that would only happen if she decides to throw Chris under the bus. In the event that the affair was consensual, Barb would also most likely want to avoid incriminating herself, as she herself could face a charges if she was a willing participant.

==See also==
* [[Affair with Mother]]
* [[China]]
* [[Chris and his Ego]]
* [[Chris and sexuality]]
* [[Chris Sex Logs]]
* [[Duck]]
* [[Homos]]
* [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases]]
* [[Mass debating]]
* [[Naive]]
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Biology#Reproductive biology|Reproductive Biology]]
* [[Semen]]
* [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
* [[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>
{{articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Chris and work

2023-02-02T05:40:18Z

MikelAx7: /* External Factors */ made the first sentence make sense

{{quote|[...] comments that are truly of Good Intentions of self-improvement and constructive criticism, versus the truly Bad Intentions of spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job).|Chris considers "get a job" to be hate speech and commentary from [[enablers]] kissing his ass to be constructive criticism.}}
[[Image:Heavylifting.jpg|thumb|right|[[Chris]] doing anything that doesn't revolve around [[daydream]]ing over his fantasies.]]

Chris is infamous for his laziness and his dependence on his [[Borb|elderly parents]], which inhibits him from wanting to '''work'''. He briefly held one job - two if pushing it - in his early 20s, but was unsurprisingly fired from them fairly quickly.

Despite his crippling [[debt]], Chris vehemently refuses to even attempt to obtain any kind of employment whatsoever due to wanting to perpetually [[Chris and nostalgia|live like a child]] - a stance that has become so potent that he believes that suggesting it to him should be deemed as "hate speech".<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1194090568898494464</ref>

Since being arrested and jailed on charges of [[Affair with Mother|incestuous acts committed with his mother]], and with the possibility of Chris being convicted as a sex offender looming ever larger, there exists a strong likelihood that, in the very near future, Chris will find the very prospect of employment itself to go from extremely difficult to outright impossible; and he'd be especially screwed in such a regard due to having no more safety nets from his fanbase since they've lost sympathy for (and the desire to request commissions from) him.

==Reasons for Chris's Refusal to Work==

===External Factors===

Several external factors may account for Chris's inability to find employment. One of the big factors is laziness. When he worked at Wendy's between August-September of 2001 he later admitted to Jackie on a call that ‘he would take frequent breaks after washing the tables and taking out the trash.’ showing his incompetence towards there being more stuff to do. Another reason could be that he can't get a job because of his twenty one year unemployment gap. Also, Chris being a forty year old male with a criminal record, and who also is in jail for the (alleged) incest with his own mother has probably dwindled his chances of employment (like he would ever look for a job in the first place). If he gets convicted of the (alleged) incest of his mother he would be on the sex offender registry, and have his chances of a job go down drastically. Another reason being that he believes that he has a job in another dimension as a goddess, thanks to the influence of the idea guy’s. Another external factor is him claiming to ‘take care’ of his mother (which we all know how that went). Over the years instead of getting a job to support his mother he instead has slowly started to sell off toys he doesn't play with or doesn't use anymore, or begged for donations online. This is not a substantial income, and the money Chris does get he wastes it very fast. He claims it's for his mothers doctors appointments and dentist appointments but he usually would post a few days later that he had gotten a new toy or a video game, implying that he either was lying about how much the doctors appointments and dentist appointments cost or that he was using his mothers money just for his own selfish needs.

====Criminal Record====

Chris, like many of us, has had as least one run in with the [[jerkop|police]]. However, being as exceptional as he is not only has chris managed at least 6 [[Chris and the law|"run-ins"]] with law enforcement but at least 2 felony charges, multiple misdemonors, an EPO, and a lengthy stay in jail for charges of [[incest]]. Felons have a notoriously hard time finding employment, and being placed on the sex offender registry won't be doing Chris any favors.

====Parental Influence====

Chris's parents, but more so [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], had encouraged him to not be employed, believing that his [[Monthly Tugboat|Social Security Disability Insurance]] (SSDI) is all he really needs to support himself - a belief that has ultimately proven to be false with the advent of the [[Financhu Crisis]].

====Negative Experiences with Workers and [[Manajerks|Managers]]====

While Chris has not lived a particularly good life unemployed, he also has had some [[List of places that have banned Chris|bad experiences]] with the employees and managers of several of the places he frequented, which further shows some of Chris's views on what it means to be employed. The way he has treated such people provides insight into Chris's delusional ideas about the role of an employee. It is a manager's duty to take action in difficult situations, like if a customer is loitering or causing a disturbance, two things that Chris has done many times in the past. Chris however, unaware of how he should act in public places, only saw such actions as a form of discrimination, solely to keep him from doing as he pleases, whether it be [[Love Quest|soliciting a girlfriend]], or [[Sonic Boom|vandalizing merchandise or property]]. These views are also apparent in some of his comics, where he depicts the employees and managers that have given him a hard time as [[manajerks|corrupt tyrants]] abusing their power.

Chris also has had negative experiences with [[jerkops|mall security guards]]. [[Chris and the law|Chris's run-ins with the law]] have never been pleasant, and even though Chris does not exactly view workers and law enforcement in the same light, law enforcers are still technically employed by some organization. On various occasions, Chris has been shown to [[26 December 2014|bolt out of a Gamestop in fear]] when security is called, suggesting a fear of security guards, likely stemming from [[Chris and the law#2011|previous]] [[Charlottesville Fashion Square#Chris vs. Fashion Square|experiences]].

====Financial Enablers====
{{Main|Enablers}}
In the wake of the Idea Guys, Chris's enabling has gone far beyond just his mother. Chris now has admiring fans that are willing to give him loads of money in order to support him. Even after being arrested, fans continued to send him money through his inmate account. This first became an issue in early 2014, when their [[14 Branchland Court|current home]] caught on fire and his family had to move into a [[Rental House|rental home]] temporarily while it was being rennovated. In response to this, followers of Chris began to send him monetary donations as well as care packages. This quickly became something Chris dependend on, and began regularly begging for donations for years to come, making this form of enabling commonplace. He would often beg for money to support his family, and then conveniently have new toys visible in his room. However, this stream of income never ceased.

===Internal factors===

====Autism====

Chris, believing he is an omnipotent and omniscient goddess, doesn't have time for such frivolous things as working to make a living. In October 2017, Chris claimed that he was too busy with CWCville and his imaginary friends, in addition to helping Barb and the pets. In June 2019, Chris claimed that he was already employed by God to oversee the Dimensional Merge. Additionally, ever since Chris's transition, he feels that finding a job runs the risk of being discriminated against for his tomgirl gender, despite the fact that discrimination on the basis of gender is illegal, especially as a result of a Supreme Court ruling on 15 June 2020.

In a moment of self-awareness, Chris fears being incompetent at work, and he claimed in May 2018 that he feared that weens and A-logs will harass him at work, similar to how they harassed the management of The End Games and Anytime Fitness into banning him. However, even those significantly more mentally ill or otherwise disabled can find work, meaning Chris can quickly find easy work if he really wanted to. This shows that Chris will pull any idea out of his ass to avoid having to get off of it and contribute to society.

====Lack of Marketable Skills====
As evidenced by his resume and lack of education, Chris lacks any marketable skills or education to get anything beyond a minimum wage job in the retail or fast food industry. Given his aforementioned lofty goals for salary and demanding things like having an assistant; Chris grossly overestimates what kind of a job one can find with an outdated Associate's degree and a brief employment at Wendy's.

====General Laziness====
Chris, being as lazy as he is, would find trouble keeping a job for long due to this laziness. This is evidenced by his brief stint as a Wendy's employee, in which he is quoted as taking "frequent breaks" and not taking care of his uniform<ref>[[Jackie Chat 4]]</ref>.

When creating [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]], Chris had no schedule set in stone, only taking time to write and draw pages when he had "inspiration", arguably his most productive period was between [[Sonichu 7|2007]] and [[Sonichu 10|2010]] when he started to achieve online infamy and constantly fell for trolling schemes. Even then, these volumes took anywhere from several months to over a ''year'' before getting completed.

Not to mention that Chris pretty much [[Chris_and_writing#Plot_and_Drama|wrote every Sonichu issue by the seat of his pants with minimal regard for consistency]] (and of course, writing is [[Chris_and_art#Visual_style_and_most_artistic_fundamentals|not the only place where he fails at that]]) resulting in the self-insert fanfic clusterfuck we've known and loved since the late 2000's.

==Past Stance on Employment==

In the past, Chris has shown some degree of interest in pursuing a career, but only for his own personal gain, rather than so that he can move out of his parents' house and obtain a degree of self-sufficiency. For example, although he expressed an interest in becoming a comic book artist, working for either Archie or DC,<ref>Chris's resume</ref>, he has also stated, when he completes his Love Quest, that he would stay at home while his wife works, showing that Chris was somewhat hesitant even before then. Other sources point to Chris believing that obtaining a job is only necessary to pick up a girlfriend, which is evident when he decided to take up a job in Cutco Cutlery at the beginning of his [[Love Quest]].

Key insight into Chris's attitude towards job hunting is found in his [[resume]], which has not been updated in over a decade. In it, Chris shows he did not understand what constitutes work experience, let alone its importance. For example, he believes that doing "volunteer work" for the Pokémon Leagues at the GAMe PLACe counts as work experience. In reality, mere "volunteer work" does not typically catch the eye of most employers. Also, Chris was not a gym leader as he claimed, but rather was a substitute when the actual Gym Leader was not available. Finally, even if this could be taken into account, what experience he obtained is likely negligible, as he had no authority over the players, and was, in fact, carefully supervised by the staff. In the same résumé, he cites his production of comics as work experience, despite the fact that he was not doing this in a professional setting, and that the product itself leaves a lot to be desired.

The résumé also shows that, in his entire adult life, not even a fraction of his time was spent on an actual job, let alone one that is full-time in a professional environment. Counting all of the positions he had that did not involve being a [[Pokémon|Gym Leader's Assistant]] or working on his ''Sonichu'' comics, his total work experience amounts to a grand total of 5 months, at most. This estimate is generous because, while he claimed to have worked at Wendy's for 2 months on his résumé, he also claimed that he was already fired on [[Twin Falling Towers|11 September]] to [[Kacey]]'s father. Please note that this was only across an entire two-year gap between working each of the two positions he held.

==List of Jobs on Dimension 1218==

===Wendy's===
{{Main|Wendy's}}

The first place Chris attempted to work at was at his local Wendy's. While there, his primary duties were custodial in nature rather than food preparation or direct customer interaction. Despite painting himself as an employee that "serves the customers with kind, understanding help", accounts from employers and customers have shown him to be a rude and difficult employee to work with. Chris was later fired from the restaurant, giving vague and contradictory answers about his dismissal.

===Cutco Cutlery===
{{Main|Cutco}}

The second and final job that Chris claims to have worked was through Cutco Cutlery, a multi-level marketing company that primarily sells overpriced knives. The company itself is deemed to be a notorious pyramid scheme and borderline scam that generally targets high school students, college students, and gullible idiots like Chris with no work experience. Chris claims to have lost this job after his boss "left at summer's end". Chris had obtained this job during the beginning of his Love Quest, which also showcases that Chris believed getting a job is only for people who want to have a girlfriend, even believing that having the job just magically improved his social skills. This job alone, believe it or not, was what made him believe himself to be a "Natural Salesperson". After this job, Chris would go out of his way to produce his [[Attraction Sign]]s, and advertise this one quality in it.

===Other Employers===

Besides Wendy's and Cutco, Chris has attempted to apply for a handful of other jobs, to no avail, probably due to him complaining about trolls on his resume and believing he had held positions he considered signified employment, but was actually community service.

==Current Stance on Employment==

{{quote|Therefore, for all of you Haterade-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress.|Chris claiming he's already employed in an alternate dimension}}

Considering how trolls, weens, enablers, and, quite frankly, Chris himself has completely mangled and destroyed his background check over the years, it is little wonder why he has lost any hope of obtaining a job. Chris even stated he was fully aware of this in a Facebook post he made on 3 [[April 2017]]. In the same post, however, he also claims that he would still refuse to obtain a job, even without all of the crazy shit that has happened in his life. He claims to fear the possibility of being discriminated against for being autistic, transgender, and having a lesbian soul. In the modern workforce, however, this misgiving is highly unjustified, as any kind of discrimination based on gender, disability or sex is usually frowned upon in the workforce, and leaves the employer liable for legal action or federal/state sanctions/fines. Besides the former two reasons, Chris claimed that gaining employment would be redundant, as he believes taking care of his aging parents actually counts as employment, despite not being paid for it.

===Job as a Goddess===
Chris now appears to believe that his true occupation at the moment is being the goddess of an alternate dimension, thanks to the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], [[Jacob Sockness]] and several other influences. In the span of two years after the aforementioned Facebook post, Chris would state on at least two occasions that he believes that the ability to support himself financially by working a job is completely useless.<ref>[[October 2018 social media posts#Response to "GET A JOB"]]</ref><ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Chris claims to be employed overseeing Dimensional Merge]]</ref> As a matter of fact, in one of these occasions, he had actually stated that he is far too enlightened and above societal expectations to obtain an actual job, simply due to an absurd comparison he makes between the amount of time the universe will exist for against how much time he would work at a job.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210208080437/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1049442246116790272</ref> As evident in the same post, as well as in a subsequent one, he actually believes that obtaining a job should not be mandatory, and even goes so far as to state that the citizens of [[CWCville]] are not required to obtain a job.

=== Can Chris get a (real-life) job now? ===
Many observers have admitted that it is too late for Chris to get a job now,<ref>Law-Talking Guy (28 February 2020). [https://archive.md/7GWGx Re: What will happen when Barb dies?]. ''Kiwi Farms''. Retrieved 17 July 2020.</ref> and this was long before his [[Jail Saga|arrest]] for engaging in [[Affair with Mother|incestuous acts with his mother]] permanently crippled his chances. In addition to his various [[Chris and the law|run-ins with the law]] and his local reputation for [[List of places that have banned Chris|public tantrums and violence]], Chris is {{age|1982|02|24}} years old with only [[Wendy's|one bad month of minimum-wage employment]] back in 2001, a worthless [[CADD]] certificate,<ref>The [[CADD]] certificate is worthless, because, in addition to the fallout between Chris and [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], he only produced two menial pieces of work, and has not continued to develop his CADD skills after getting the certificate.</ref> a very brief {{w|multi-level marketing}} [[Cutco|stint]], and over a decade and a half's worth of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|unsavory information]] about him on the internet.<ref>Bombsaway (18 December 2019). [https://archive.md/VUWuy Re: What will happen when Barb dies?]. ''Kiwi Farms''. Retrieved 19 December 2019.</ref> Chris has also not applied for a job since [[Kacey Call 21|September 2009]], and his [[:File:Scan0001.jpg|Sonichu-laden]] resume is both long out-of-date and unimpressive even for the standards of when it was made.

Chris being charged with a felony and/or placed on the Sex Offender Registry will likely be the final death blow to any sort of chance of him finding a job in the future. However, even if he does manage to miraculously find work somehow, there is a very, ''very'' significant chance that wannabe [[weens]] and [[A-Log]]s will harass his employer into terminating him as soon as they get wind of it; similar to how they harassed the management of [[The End Games]] and [[Anytime Fitness]] into [[ban|banning]] him simply because he was there.<ref name=harassment>[[May 2018 social media posts#A new excuse not to get a job|May 2018 social media posts § A new excuse not to get a job]]</ref>

In short, Chris's claims that he can never get a job may be valid, albeit for different reasons to what he has in mind. Nearly all employers are unwilling to tolerate any person with that kind of background, especially with what we know now.

==Chores==
{{Dated}}
{{quote|I work hard for my father in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!|Chris, [[Father_Call#Maturity_and_Chores_.2839:17-48:08.29|telling a former U.S. Marine]] about the "heavy burdens" in his life}}

Aside from a few part-time jobs, from which he got fired shortly after being accepted, Chris is also responsible for doing certain '''chores''' around the household. To him, chores are menial tasks that [[Barb]] forces him to perform for her. Since these chores are the closest thing in Chris's life resembling actual work, and one of the few things taking him away from his [[video games]], [[Chris and reality|going into deep thought about other dimensions]] and attending [[BronyCon]], they are a frequent source of [[stress]] and complaining for Chris. On the other hand, Chris also sees these chores as nothing more than to prove that he is not lazy, in which case he believes these chores are a good example of what a hard-working, respectable, [[autism|high-functioning autistic]] he really is.

===Chris loves chores===
[[Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|thumb|right|"That thing had to weigh, like, 5, 10 tons!"]]
[[Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|thumb|right|Bob working alone in the garden, on the verge of a 4th heart attack.]]

Chris's most notorious mention of his chores is in the [[Father Call]], where he desperately tries to prove his worthiness to [[Matthew Devoria]] by listing some of the "hard work" he has done around the house, such as sitting on a riding lawnmower, moving chairs and carrying a [[Patti Chandler|doghouse]] across the yard. In fact, many of the "chores" he whines about are things he only did literally one time. He also compares his pulling weeds in the "hot, hot sun" to war veteran Matt's time served in the Gulf War.

Chris does not limit himself to only doing chores in real life. He also enjoys spending hours upon hours performing virtual chores in ''[[Animal Crossing Documentary|Animal Crossing]]''. These are his favorite chores to do, because not only is he able to sit on his fat ass all day while tapping at his controller, he is also rewarded for performing these tasks! As fun as this sounds, by his early 30s it seems to just be another part of Chris's daily routine, at one point telling [[Julie]] that he had to take a break from his computer to "get [his] chores done in ACCityFolk".<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 6]]</ref> He eventually stopped doing these chores all together after his GameCube disintegrated in the [[2014]] [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]].

In Chris's other favorite fictional world, [[CWCville]], [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] also does his share of the housework, as Chris elaborately explained in [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 his CWCipedia bio]. Between fighting evil-doers and saving the world from homosexuality, he even finds time to mow the lawn with his loyal wife [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]]. After the kids have been sent off to school, Sonichu and Rosechu go out and vacuum to the extreme!<ref>[[A Sonichu Day]]</ref> Chris, on the other hand, is far too busy with his [[Sub-Episodes|mayoral duties]] to worry about chores, so instead he makes his secretary, [[Allison Amber]], do all of the work.

Chris [[dreams]] of one day being a "house husband", doing chores for his [[Sweetheart|wife]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]] at home all day, while the wife goes to work and earns money for the family. In a chat with [[Clyde Cash]], Clyde questions Chris's ability to take care of himself and his sweetheart. This causes Chris to go on for what seems like an hour, listing all the chores he is capable of performing around the house. He is very proud of his ability to load dishes into the dishwasher and put garbage into a trash can.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Despite these many difficult, stressful, back-breaking chores that Chris spends his time doing, the Chandler family's [[14 Branchland Court|house]] was still a disgusting pigsty that Bob falsely believed was on the verge of [[THAT IS MY HOUSE#Uncut|being condemned]] by the Greene County Health Department; before it actually burned down, the fire was being exacerbated by the mountains of junk held inside. In a call with [[Alec Benson Leary]], when this conundrum is pointed out to Chris, he desperately mashed the buttons on his phone and hung up to try and get out of explaining himself.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]], 7:18 in</ref>

===Chris hates chores===
[[Image:Chrisgarden.jpg|thumb|right|Chris tries convincing his dead dog to finish his yardwork for him.]]

Chris spends a lot of time trying to avoid doing what he is so proud of. Barbara constantly gets Chris to do things for her. This sometimes drags him away from his [[Chris and the Internet|friends]], [[Sweetheart|love life]] and [[Sonic Boom Protests|other business]]. He has also hidden out at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|the mall]] for hours, just so his mother's demands that he do a "hefty chore" wouldn't disrupt his [[Chris and art|creative genius]].<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref>

He also blames Barb for his house being so messy in the first place. His usual go-to excuse for the state of his house is to call her a "pack rat", even having the balls to [[Chris and hypocrisy|call her lazy]] for not cleaning anything up. Barbara apparently leaves junk lying all over the house, but Chris would rather go days [[HairDifference|without showering]] than figure out how to move some of Barbara's junk to another room, claiming he "doesn't know what to do" with any of it. His room itself is extremely messy, with it being filled with thousands of legos and toys that he refuses to throw out.

Chris's parents also make him pay the family's bills, possibly as an attempt to make him feel like a real adult. Chris, of course, complains about having to give up a large percentage of his "[[tugboat]]" for these bills. He puts off paying them for as long as possible so he can use his hard-earned money for [[Sex toys|more important necessities]]. In one of her [[Mumble_2#People_Love_Poketunes|rare Mumble appearances]], Chris lied to Barbara about paying the bills for that month, at first whining that he was being "[[Honest Content|honest]]", but eventually gave in to the fear of being punished by his mother and admitted he did not pay ALL of them. But, he will "be sure to pay the remaining differences next month"!

{{quote|I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I scrub the floors [[ShowerClean|with 409 and paper towels]]. It's really hard work. Back-breaking!|[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris explains why he hasn't had time to work on his comic]]}}

In 2020, Chris said that he and Barb both do equal amounts of chores, despite Barb being aged nearly 80.<ref>[[Discord Q&A 11]]</ref>

==See also==
*[[Chris and business]]
*[[Chris and money]]
*[[Chris and stress]]
*[[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]]
*[[Dimensions]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
{{Fantasies}}

[[Category:Articles with Jail Saga speculation]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

2012 Poster campaign

2022-03-10T19:19:57Z

MikelAx7: grammar

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:ChrisPoster01.jpg|thumb|One of the posters which Chris freaked out over.]]

{{quote|Crap! They may have hired a Skywriter.|One of Chris's hilarious responses to the campaign.}}

It was [[May 2012]], and with Chris’s impending trial from [[28 October 2011]] coming up soon, a few users of the [[CWCki Forums]] joked among themselves about starting a '''poster and flyer campaign''' to help get Chris convicted on 2 [[June 2012]]. Little did they know they were being watched by Chris himself, as he often browsed the forum obsessively. Chris genuinely thought that this campaign was real, leading to a series of frantic [[Twitter]] and [[Facebook]] posts as he believed that he had just discovered a major troll plot.

Not only are his responses to the campaign a good example of how [[naïve]] Chris is, it's also interesting to point out that how just '''''a few''''' posts in a forum could cause Chris to view the [[trolls]] as people with costumes, armed with weapons. When he expects his friends (or in his point of view, ''imaginary personal army'') to help him to handle the situation, what does he do? Just stay indoors and play his [[PS3]]. Moreover, when [[Anna McLerran]] tried to save Chris from his paranoid delusions, Chris just ignored her and continued to whine about the obviously fake campaign, showing how poorly Chris treats his friends.

==The Beginning==
[[File:ChrisSkywriter.jpg|thumb|left|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

{{quote|If ANYONE can be where they are talking about to stop them and/or destroy their posters, please do. Making their plot public will likely hinder their enthusiasm and give up the plot, but JUST IN CASE.|[[Chris]]'s initial response to the campaign.}}

{{quote|I just read their responses; I am getting mixes signals. The earliest response post quoting my screen caps stated that it was a ruse, but after that, they are talking about still going ahead with the plot for real. Please keep your eyes open if y'all are in the mall or Rio Hill.|Another initial response by Our Pet Lolcow.}}

On 15 May 2012, after seeing the posts on the forum, in Classic Chris form, all Chris could think do was go on to Facebook and Twitter and scream at his friends to go do something about it, expecting them to handle the situation.<ref>[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#The_insidious_poster_campaign]]</ref>

[[Anna McLerran|Anna]], one of Chris's friends, replied:
{{quoteboxred|Christian, have you considered contacting NBC-29 about all this? They can run a news story on you and expose the truth so that any lies that are attempted to be spread are shot down immediately.}}

As Chris is getting more paranoid since he was trolled, he actually thought that some of the trolls are employed there. He even contacted his lawyer [[Rob Bell]], about this.

{{quotebox|The media will not be any help, especially since some of the [[Trolls]] ARE employed therein and/or have greater influence that will ONLY make matters worse. I have informed Rob about this, and I am certain his influence will be greater recognized where applicable, and he can offer more ideas for a solution.}}

As Bell was hired by [[Barbara]] only to represent them on the [[28 October 2011]] case, no such influence was given.

His Facebook friend, Seamus Campbell, then posted that he wanted to help Chris.

{{quoteboxgreen|Christian. I know the truth and I am going to go up there and try to enlighten them to who you really are. Let me,know where and when. I will head there now}}
{{quotebox|If you read the screen caps, you'd learn where they say they're gonna be. Changing the minds of a huge group of hate-filled, stubborn people is as difficult as life itself.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Well I am hoping maybe I can help out a few. You have a court date or something? Need acharacter witness?}}
{{quotebox|I promise to let you know if a character witness would help closer to the date. Thank you.}}

Unsurprisingly, Seamus didn't help to handle the campaign, which leads to more Twitter and Facebook posts by Chris. But that was just the beginning......

==The Background==
Two days later, Chris posted some posts:

{{quote|According to the Forums, the Trolls are planning to do their flyer distribution on June 2, 2012. One group will be working at [[Fashion Square]]; the other will be stapling/taping on telephone poles, windows, bulliten boards, etc. Shaemus, if you can get a group of your friends to handle the first group, everyone else can disperse as they go. Any additional ideas and friends to quell this mal-content deed would be appreciated.|Chris.}}

The next day, Chris then uploaded another screencap from the forum and posted:<ref>[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#Destroy_the_posters.21]]</ref>
{{quotebox|SERIOUSLY, ANYONE who happens to be at [[Fashion Square|FASHION SQUARE]], any [[McDonalds]], either Krogers, Wal-Mart, etc, DESTROY ANY OF THEIR POSTERS/FLYERS, PLEASE!!!

[[File:ChrisScreencapPoster01.png|300px]]}}

After two days of his friends not responding at all to these posts, Chris then whined on Facebook about it. You know, because Chris is serious business in Charlottesville that anyone who sees these posters will immediately ban him.

{{quotebox|I Truly, Really, Greatly, from Past Experiences included, HATE [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|Graduation Day]]! <nowiki>|:(</nowiki><ref>[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#Graduation_day_sucks]]</ref>}}
{{quotebox|Why is anyone NOT responding or Caring of the Hate Poster Campaign? This is VERY SERIOUS, People!<ref>[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#Growing_panic_about_the_posters]]</ref>}}

[[Kim Wilson]], troll-posing-as-friend, posted:
{{quoteboxgreen|I'm sure others care(I sure do!), we just don't know what we can do to help. The only thing the rest of us can do is contact authorities if we catch somebody putting the posters up.}}
{{quotebox|So, everybody, do That, Please!}}
Of course, no one in the right mind would go outside just to take the effort of finding anyone trying to put anti-CWC posters, catching them and contacting the authorities. It's worth noted that Chris expects his friends to help him but Chris will do nothing except to stay indoors and playing his [[PS3|video games]].

{{quotebox|Their Goal with this is to get me banned from EVERYWHERE in [[Charlottesville]]! And I can NOT move back to Midlothian!}}
Chris then posted another reply to this post as a response:
{{quotebox|I got news for you, Midlothian beats Charlottesville on things to do and sights, hands down! Even Staunton pales in comparison to C-Ville.}}
{{quotebox|How would YOU feel if you were not Legally allowed ANYWHERE in your hometown, or the town you currently reside in?}}

Leading up to "T" Day, Chris noticed that a troll in the forums claimed to be staying at a local hotel:<ref>[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#Hilton_Inn]]</ref>

{{quotebox|31 May 2012
One of them is staying at the Hilton Garden Inn right now. I am alerting my attorney.}}

Anna responded:

{{quoteboxred|no they're not. they looked up a hotel in charlottesville & said the name. they are not actually there. if they actually were, they would keep their location a secret, especially knowing you can read what they say.}}

==The Photoshops==

Six days later, which is on 26 May 2012, Chris began to panic even more when obviously photoshopped anti-CWC posters began to appear on the [[CWCki Forums]]. As Chris was [[naïve]], he was utterly convinced they were real. Chris posted screencaps of the supposed posters and wanted people to go the location to confirm they were real though Chris had already decided the entire thing was on Facebook.<ref>[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#Still_concerned_about_the_posters]]</ref><ref name="notlisten">[[May_2012_Facebook_posts#Chris_does_not_listen]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Among the posts, I have found photographs of locations from around C-Ville, including this most recent one, in their string on the Plot on June 2, which I pray to prevent or counter.

Can anyone confirm if this photo is true or false, for real, please?

[[File:ChrisPoster06.jpg|300px]]}}
{{quotebox|As well as these following recent photos; I do not know where they are specifically, but please confirm these for me as well.
[[File:Posters 1.png|thumb|center]]
[[File:Posters 2.png|thumb|center]]}}
{{quotebox|28 May 2012
Here is another location photo: they state this one is real.
[[File:Posters 3.png|thumb|left]]}}

Even his friend [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] could not convince him the whole thing was a joke. Any time she said they were fake, Chris said something to the effect of “prove it”. The irony is that Chris was posting pictures of the supposed posters he wanted nobody to see on his own Facebook proving once and for all that nobody trolls Chris more than Chris himself.

Unsurprisingly, and again, Chris decided that the [[GAMe PLACe]] must be behind the plot. He demanded his friends to go there and find out any info they can from [[Michael Snyder]] and his “cronies” and search for any CWC posters they may have.<ref name="notlisten"></ref> Because it makes total sense that Michael Snyder would decorate his store with pictures of someone he wants nothing to do with. He was adamant that they would not mention him AT ALL. Perhaps in a rare moment of common sense, Chris realized that sending people to harass someone who has a pending court case against him was not a good idea.

{{quote|Also, I have read that they meet, or hang out at least, at C-Ville's Club 216 bar; anyone who can infiltrate and confirm with more details from those Trolls would be appreciated too.|[[Sonichu 0|GO! MY FRIENDS! GO OUT AND INFILTRATE TO THE EXTREME!]]}}

==“T” Day==

On 2 June 2012, the day the trolls joked they would begin their campaign, Chris posted that he was hiding in his house and was keeping an eye on the local news because anything to do with Chris is big news. He once again demanded everyone go out and tear down any anti-CWC posters and “arrest” those responsible. He warned people to be on the lookout for pickle suited trolls, trolls with ugly clown masks, or KKK members. Chris also seems to think the trolls carry weapons for some reason. He also believed the trolls would actually pay money to hire a sky writer.

Chris also feared that a troll was going to come to his house, after they had joked about it on the forums. At this point, it seems that the people on the forums were just watching Chris's Facebook posts and saying stuff so that Chris would react on Facebook.

Chris’s long series of posts that day shifted from him wanting people to take down the trolls to whining about how nobody cares about him even if he was dead. Anna once again tried to explain to Chris it was fake but Chris refused to listen unless she had “intel” to offer him.<ref>[[June_2012_Facebook_posts#T_Day]]</ref>

==Aftermath==

Two days later Chris posted a bizarre public note on Facebook titled “to the trolls.” He begrudgingly admitted he had been fooled again. Chris stated he at some point during the whole fiasco he had called the Police. In a pathetic attempt to sound superior and tech savvy to the cwcki forums, he claimed he was reading the posts through a certain users account. In other words, he searched someone’s post history. Chris lashed out at the forums for not following through on their threats and called them “lying, cheating bastards” and he was growing tired of their “shit lies.” This definitively shows that while Chris may not be as visible as he once was he is still as gullible and paranoid as ever and that it is possible to troll Chris without even intending to troll him.

The post in question:<ref>[[June_2012_Facebook_posts#To_The_Trolls]]</ref>

{{quotebox|I have continued reading your posts and alerting [[Jerkops|the authorities]] of your actions. NOBODY came to my house at all, you lying, cheating bastards. Frankly, I grow tired of continuing to read your shit lies, including the biggest hoax of yours, the Poster Campaign. [[Naive|Nobody put up any damn posters or handed out frigging flyers at all]]. I have been [[Ego#Surrendering_Information|reading your posts personally through "trombonista's" account]]; there was NO MOLE.

Sincerely,
Christian Weston Chandler
June 4, 2012}}

==References==
<references />
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Events]]

Chris and health

2022-03-09T16:28:07Z

MikelAx7: /* Diet and nutrition */ increased the content in the Chris and Nutrition blurb, made it read better

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}

{{quote|Eat less [[/cow/|cow]] meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and [[Fanta|Fruit]] are a must; [[A Hike|Walking]] or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|[[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s [[Chris and hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>[[Mailbag 2#The Guitar Hero workout|Mailbag 2]]</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|A rather optimistic depiction of Chris in later life, illustrated prior to his [[Transgender|Tomgirl makeover]].]]

Chris, as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health''' – physically or mentally. Considering his [[obesity]], [[Power|lack of exercise]], [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|poor nutrition]], [[ShowerClean|refusal to bathe]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|the grave uncleanliness]] of [[Rental House|his]] [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart failure, [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]], and possibly a premature [[Chris and death|death]].

==Diet and nutrition==
{{main|Chris and nutrition}}

Put simply, Chris is a fatty. Unfortunately, he continues to deny this fact, and often lies that he cooks for himself often. Chris's diet actually consists largely of fast food from McDonalds, which is admittedly not unlike the diet of many Americans. He claims to usually only eat fast food salads, but the caloric content of the salads often exceeds fast food burgers after adding the sauce that comes with them. His diet contributes in large part to many of his health issues, as well as his [[Financhu_Crisis|financial problems]].

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20111128031730/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]!]]

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[vidya]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in [[WelcometoBollywood]] he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to flexing and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWC Fighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog 5 miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take 6 breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.

Chris's lack of muscle tone may stem from hypotonia (lack of muscle tone), which can occur in people on the [[autism]] spectrum,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypotonia</ref> although it is clear that his poor lifestyle has only exacerbated this.

===Bicycling===
Chris has owned several bicycles over the course of his life, but it is unknown if he ever rode any of them regularly. The most recent one was lost in the hoard sometime before [[2010]]. Chris has made occasional reference to biking over the years:

* In [[Kacey Call 18]], he claims to have a scar above his left breast from a bicycle accident he had when he was about five to seven years old.
* Chris received a bike as a [[Christmas]] present in [[1990s|1995]].
* In his [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid answers]], Chris claims that he always wears a helmet when he rides a bike.
* In [[Jackie Chat 6]], [[Jackie]] asks Chris to make a video of himself riding his bike. Chris claims that his bike is buried among junk and that he can no longer access it.

{{Wise|he would need to begin exercising regularly in spring [[2018]] for him to be in shape while in [[CWCville]].<ref>https://archive.md/1D1ZL</ref>}}

===Anytime Fitness===
[[File:Chris at Anytime Fitness.jpg|thumb|left|200px|A fan spotted him at the gym and snapped his photo.]]

The Idea Guys coerced Chris into getting a membership at an Anytime Fitness gym. In April 2018, Chris uploaded [[One-Hundred!]], a video of him working out in his bedroom with actual dumbbells of 20 pounds each, instead of [[11042009 51 50|lemonade boxes]]. He followed up by taking a selfie at an Anytime gym of him on a treadmill "speed walking 4 mph for two hours".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/April_2018_social_media_posts#Exercising_on_a_treadmill</ref>

A couple of weeks after the treadmill update, Chris was cocky enough about his new lifestyle change to use a put-down of telling other people they could stand to go to the gym to lose weight.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Mad at Facebook friends]]</ref>

{{quotebox|You are now Blocked. Before continuing to insult me whenever possible you should consider Going to the Gym Yourself, as I feel YOU could stand to Lose Some Weight!}}

On 7 May, Chris lamented the fact that [[weens]] had been calling up the gym to harass management about him:

{{quotebox|You Jerks and Trolls ruin EVERYTHING! I CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE GYM WITHOUT YOU HARASSING THE GYM THAT I GO TO!<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/993696407369408513</ref>}}

Later, [[Emily]] shared information that Chris had been banned:

{{quoteboxyellow|Chris was legitimately getting complaints from fellow gym goers regarding being [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|gassy]] and [[Fangs|burping]] a whole lot. So he already had a strike against him for that, then couple that with [[Weens|people]] calling them inevitably got him banned.<ref>https://archive.md/CKDwK</ref>}}

In the [[Copitz]] interview, Chris claimed that he had only been banned from the [[Ruckersville]] location, and was still regularly going to another undisclosed location in the [[Charlottesville]] area. Knowing Chris however its likely that this is a [[Lies|lie]] and he has most likely stopped going altogether since the Idea guys were removed from power, if he did actually continue to go to the gym its unlikely he could resist [[Ego| keeping it a secret for very long]].

===Walking for exercise===
{{quote|Yes, the nature today is beautiful, and it was great temperature for a four-plus mile walk up the Monticello Trail. 😊 ⚡️💙⚡️|Chris<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1052243316274802691</ref>}}
[[File:Dead fitbit.jpeg|thumb|Chris's FitBit]]

The exercise habit from the Idea Guys stuck with Chris temporarily, as he continued to go on walks, as seen in [[Walking to the post office]] and him mentioning that he goes on nature walks with his support group.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1043912418198532096</ref> In December 2018, he purchased a [[treadmill]], and filmed himself using it. For the first time in a long time, it would've seemed that Chris had started to pay at least some attention to one facet of his health. However, only a few months later, it appears that he has left his treadmill to rust.

In 2018, Chris tried to sell a [[Wikipedia:Fitbit|Fitbit]] activity tracker. However, no-one bought it, and he kept using it.<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts]]</ref> He did 23,000 steps on a [[Walking to the post office|walk to the post office and back]]. In January 2019 he released Fitbit info to the [[Brony Babes]] group. Eventually, though, Chris gave up on walking, mostly using the Fitbit to [[biological clock|monitor his sleep]].<ref>[[May 2019 social media posts]], [[June 2019 social media posts]]</ref>

===#BronyBabes===
{{main|Brony Babes}}

Chris began [[2019]] by participating in the #BronyBabes challenge on Twitter with the goal of losing weight. He quickly abandoned it, though, after a barrage of blocks from fellow participants and voice actors for [[My Little Pony]].

===Exercise in Jail===

According to [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021|a few]] [[Jail Letter - 30 November 2021 (Eels and the Egg-man)|jail letters]], Chris's primary means of exercise in prison is playing basketball in the recreation room. However, a letter from a Twitter fan known as "Eels and the Egg-man" also shows that he was restricted from the recreation room, though Chris has not disclosed the reason for this. Any other means of exercise for Chris in the prison are yet to be revealed.

{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20140823175516/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}

[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|"Did you bathe?" "No"]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]]. Note the pale orange-red staining on the [[ShowerClean|improperly cleaned]] tiles, suggesting a case of a ''[[wikipedia:Serratia marcescens|Serratia marcescens]]'' bacterial colony, a type of bacteria capable of causing everything from urinary tract infections to meningitis.]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [https://web.archive.org/web/20140702004100/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] that he smells good, and asks him if he bathed, like it's some kind of event. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that using aerosol body spray is an acceptable substitute for a shower or bath.</ref> Rosechu seems to confirm this belief, as upon being told of the Axe usage she makes an awful attempt at suggestive wordplay, suggesting both that using Axe makes Sonichu clean enough for sex and that cheap deodorant has an aphrodisiac effect on Rosechu.

It would appear that Chris compounds this hygiene problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> It may be that Chris just gets into "nice" clothing to make his videos and as such doesn't get them dirty, allowing for him to use the same ones repeatedly, although this hygienic habit would be at odds with everything else he does.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his [[hair]], which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man. And even when washed, it looks exactly as greasy and unkempt as it did before, as seen in the [[HairDifference]] videos. This neglect will only make his hair fall out even faster than it already is.

This lack of cleanliness, combined with the state of his [[Chris's Room|room]] where he spends almost all his time, means that Chris and his surroundings must smell absolutely ''disgusting''. Chris evidently simply tolerates the horrible odors, perhaps not noticing them anymore. It may be that he has an abnormally weak or insensitive sense of smell or has gone nose-blind; few other things would allow for such living conditions.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]] (doubtlessly offending his victorious opponents) and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems would only worsen from that time onward. [[BlueSpike]] also mentions Chris's usage of hand sanitizer throughout [[Julie Reveals Herself]].

A 2020 tweet suggested that Chris wears the [[Sonichu medallion]] in the shower.<ref>[[June_2020_social_media_posts#medallions]]</ref> [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Crayola fuckin' Model Magic and acrylic paint]] are both porous when hardened, and as such, the medallion will absorb grime such as soap scum and skin cells when Chris showers with it. The medallion has also grown more and more filthy and discolored due to contact with hot water.

A [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|November 2021 jail letter]] has Chris stating that he is highly encouraged to shower daily with Bob Barker or Irish Spring soap, a towel, and shampoo, while in prison, indicating that Chris's hygiene may have improved drastically in recent times. Chris claims that he is "VERY clean". Whether or not this pattern will continue after he is released, with no strict regime or [[Jerkop|guards]] to encourage him to shower, remains to be seen.

{{clear}}

==Living conditions==

''Main article: [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Rental House]]''

[[File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|thumb|Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.]]

Simply put, Chris has spent many years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and untidiness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he has so unwisely shared with the world showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]]. Trolls also managed to [[Rocky Shoemaker call|extract]] from [[Rocky Shoemaker]] that the house was suffering some sort of infestation, which led to [[Bob]] being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the [[2014 house fire|fire]], it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items [[Barb]] had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after the fire, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits, as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house revealed a steadily growing number of [[Lego]] boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for [[eBay]], he inadvertently photographed rat feces on the carpet as well. When [[Trolls|concerned customers]] pointed this out Chris [[Chris and reality|flatly denied it]], even though [[Honor roll|he had given them photographic proof to the contrary]]. Moreover, after [[Catherine]] visited in [[August 2014]], she recalled seeing junk "piled up to the ceiling" and the dogs not being housebroken and allowed to urinate and defecate in piles of newspaper on the floor. While Chris and Barb returned to the renovated 14 Branchland Court in [[January 2015]], one can only imagine the reaction of the landlord to the state in which they left the house, which, as of [[April 2015]], was still vacant, probably due to the mess they made.

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered high school. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|dirty]], thus simultaneously improving and worsening his sight along different feature dimensions. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video. Chris may also suffer from [[facial blindness]].

One of Chris' half-brothers, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Son-Chu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

In his [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE]] video, Chris's left eye is drooping noticeably, which may imply either an early sign of a stroke or substance abuse. Both of these are plausible due to his [[obesity]] and poor nutrition for the former, and his abuse of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|a black-market drug for the latter]].

==Hearing and speech==
''Main article: [[Speech impediment]]''

Little is known about the current state of Chris's hearing, but the [[Autism papers]] said he suffered from high-frequency hearing loss in early childhood. Chris has also exhibited signs of tone-deafness; his [[music]]al performances show little semblance of melody at all.

Chris is known for his [[Speech impediment|unusual way of talking]], which goes beyond just having a Southern accent. He mixes up, clutters, and substitutes sounds regularly. He also often talks quickly and slurs his words, and when he doesn't, his voice takes on a staccato rhythm. His voice itself is a very severe deformity, ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[autism]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone.

In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal and even deeper than later years, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. Chances are likely this has become permanent for Chris, given his decades of isolation.

==Dental health==
{{Main|Fangs}}
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|250px|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Talk about [[honest content]]!]]

Chris's fondness for bearing his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell (partly due to Chris's [[Chris and cinematography|awful camerawork]]), in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[Fanta|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]]. He seems to be unwilling to brush his teeth, or even at least chew some [[Brand loyalty|Orbit gum]].
{{clear}}

==Cardiovascular health==
[[File:Soysauce on fries.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris thinks this will help him grow his [[muscle bra|breasts]]. To be fair, [[obesity|he's not wrong]].]]

It is known that Chris's father Bob Chandler had a long history of heart problems. Knowing this, Chris should have realized he was at a far higher chance of inheriting cardiac disorders and related risk factors. Thanks to his poor decisions regarding his own health, he has made an already bad situation worse.

In August 2013, Chris indicated that the [[Chris and stress|stress]] he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. In 2016, he implied that he has hypertension;<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis#Likes]]</ref> this was later confirmed in August 2017, when he stated that he takes prescription medicine for it.<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#Chris' prescribed medication]]</ref>

In September 2017, Chris discussed his new method for growing larger breasts, which involves flavoring his food with soy sauce. As an example, he posted a picture of [[McDonald's]] fries doused in soy sauce.<ref>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris is fat and stupid]]</ref> It is evident that he has conflated soy-based foods with soy sauce, thinking the latter would be a good way to boost estrogen levels. In reality, the phytoestrogens found in soy products do not bind to the body's estradiol receptors, and thus will have no effect on his manboobs. Conversely, soy sauce is loaded with sodium, and said sodium is actually making him fatter due to weight gain and fluid retention, as well as inflicting further damage to his heart, which is already straining under the effects of hypertension. Although drinking water does help offset the effects of sodium-laden foods, Chris is too busy slurping on Coca-Cola to ever consider adding that to his daily food regime.

In [[January 2019]], Chris uploaded the results of a blood sugar and blood pressure screening. Chris' blood pressure is shown to be 121 over 84, classified as ''pre-high blood pressure''.<ref>http://www.bloodpressureuk.org/BloodPressureandyou/Thebasics/Bloodpressurechart</ref> His blood glucose is 63 mg/dL and his total cholesterol is 140, both of which are surprisingly healthy levels considering his lifestyle.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1084128581360513025</ref>

In [[June 2019]], Chris, via [[MagiChan111448|his sockpuppet account]], claimed to have suffered a heart attack, and that he went to the emergency room.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Heart attack claim]]</ref>. However, it turned out to have been a case of heartburn - his doctor referred to it as a gastro issue and advised taking Tums.<ref>[[:File:MergeComic11.jpg]]</ref>

==Excretory health==
{{main|DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Piss}}

Chris has had a long history of fecal incontinence. One factor likely contributing to this is his diet. His continued [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|abuse]] of his anus and rectum has not helped.

Chris also has a history of urinary tract infections, despite the condition being uncommon with men.

As mentioned in the previous section, Chris has revealed that he is now putting soy sauce on everything that is not sweet. In addition to worsening his renal health, when combined with the laxative effects of his intake of twelve prunes a day (part of the same breast growth formula), this is only likely to result in a higher frequency of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]].

{{clear}}

==Mental health==
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]

[[Chris and mental healthcare|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto), to schizophrenia (signs include his disorganized speech and writing, loss of contact with [[Chris and reality|reality]], and paranoid ideas about being the victim of persecution or "conspiracies" – such as his delusional belief that [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Michael Snyder]] were somehow responsible for him getting banned from [[Walmart]]).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch – he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For well over a decade, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart|young white women]] [[Chris and reality|who are interested in a relationship with him]], and yet he continually falls for it. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in [[Naive|ignorance]], isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years – because he remained a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] into his early 30s, and judging by his [[Autism|oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world]] [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|tainted]] [[Video games|by]] [[Chris and reality|fiction]] [[Chris and television|and]] [[Chris and brand loyalty|media messages]], [[women's rights|treatment of women]] and [[Chris and sex|stunted understanding of sexual relationships]], because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris later would [[Mia Hamm|lose his virginity for real]], albeit to a hooker; as of yet, he has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life. In fact, he has been plunging himself and his mother even further into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]] or his [[PSEye|camera]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara Chandler#Pampering of Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to recognize people's faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[Manchester High School|high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20140825091156/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24 ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However...]]

In the July 2012 [[This is how the Trial went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jail time in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "counselor"]]), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to the education system, as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his [[Ego|anger at being forced to obey the law]] on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Chris began listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] videos on YouTube in 2016. On 29 June, he uploaded [[Announcement 06292016|Announcement 06292016-2]], in which he claimed that the music cured his autism:

{{quotebox|Hey [[fans]], I forgot one thing to mention. I have- I've actually been on a- subliminal project, as a lot of you- or some of you- might have been... aware of, through my history or whatever... That I try to keep private amongst my YouTube settings.

But I have been enjoying for the past 3 months the "Get Rid of Autism" subliminal. [[Naive|The one that actually works]] in three months so less than [''stutters''] three times per day. 36 times.

I have been doin' that I've actually found myself more mentally capable. I don't- I do not blank out as much, I feel a little bit [[Slow-in-the-minds|faster]] in mental processing... Aaand I feel a whole lot better so with that [''puts out hands''] I'm essentially [[Autism#Autism cured?|cured of autism]]. Oh and also I actually have been able to socialize better out in public, so that's another good deal right there.

I'm gonna put the link underneath this video... And those of y'all with autism... Try for yourself. Three- play it three times, per day... for three months. [''Points to head''] It worked for me. [''Thumbs up'']}}

However, in a November Facebook post, he was back to referring to himself as a "high-functioning autistic person."<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref>

Chris mentioned in August 2017 that he takes Valium, a drug used to treat [[stress|anxiety and nervousness]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#On_wearing_the_unicorn_cosplay_to_church</ref>

{{quote|I took a rest and some valium after I got back home. I feel some recovered, but feel some mild headache now.|Chris, on taking the drug after feeling stress from being told not to wear his [[unicorn cosplay]] at church.}}

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease] or the result of engaging in dangerous prone masturbation), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref> He didn't have any; [[Virgin with rage|you can probably guess why]].

==Gender transitioning==
{{see also|Transgender}}
===Hormone treatment===
[[File:Like budderin bread - credit to Buck Mullet.gif|thumb|Chris believes this is an appropriate form of hormone therapy.]]
Normally, transgender people plan out their gender transitions with doctors to ensure safety throughout the process, especially if they are taking hormones (which can cause health issues unless strictly monitored according to the patient's health profile).

Unfortunately, Chris has done the opposite. In 2015, he acquired '''Oestrogel''', a hormone replacement therapy cream meant for [[Barbara Chandler|post-menopausal women]]. It is meant to be prescription-only, but Chris got around the requirement to see a doctor by ordering it through Offshore Pharmacy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref> Oestrogel has health risks, such as fluid retention, weight changes, rise in blood pressure (disastrous for an [[Obesity|obese]] person like Chris) and blood clots,<ref name=healthrisks>[http://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-89430/estrogel-transdermal/details/list-sideeffects Common and Rare Side Effects for Estrogel transdermal]. WebMD</ref> and that is when it is applied properly via a small dosage on the arm once per day. He even managed to fail at following the directions on the package, as shown in [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.]], in which he slathers the cream onto his stomach "like buttering bread".

[[Kim Wilson]] revealed that he was taking the hormones in May 2015,<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref> and Chris mentioned the drug again as late as August 2016.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref> Throughout 2015-2016, he repeatedly complained, via Facebook posts, of feeling dizzy and ill, but has failed to connect the dots and see that taking over-dosages of a black-market drug without a physician's approval could be a reason for it.

In addition to Oestrogel, Chris has been taking supplements such as vitamins. He purchased a jar of Solaray Female Hormone Blend Vitamins in August 2016,<ref>https://archive.md/nY76j/</ref> which is meant to ease menopausal symptoms. [[Arthur Spatchcock]] also learned that, around [[May 2016]], Chris was fond of eating Fenugreek seeds because he believed it would increase his estrogen levels (being unaware that it would have no effect on him, since he is not on estrogen).<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20170811082043/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-562#post-1475700</ref>

At some point in fall 2016, he finally went to a medical professional and was prescribed proper HRT.<ref>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT]]</ref>

===Un-clit===
One day in September 2014, Chris decided to get [[Un-clit|a piercing on his perineum]]. Piercings require constant disinfection while they heal, anywhere on the body, even for very clean people, and so many trolls were concerned that considering Chris's general filthiness and the fact that the location of the piercing would receive very little air, there was a serious risk of infection. In December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that, while it wasn't infected, the piercing had begun to reject (''tearing the skin'' in the process). Making lemonade out of lemons, Chris (now in the throes of his transwoman fantasy) noted with pride the tear's semblance to a [[China|vagina]] and actually got it re-pierced, without giving the original wound any longer than about a week to heal. Fortunately, Chris gave up on it after it became clear that the piercing was going to be more hassle than it was worth, and removed it for good before any serious harm was done.

===Self-inflicted taint wound===
{{main|Self-inflicted taint wound}}

In [[July 2016]], Chris posted about a wound on his taint, announcing that he had gotten it as a result of [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] and would be growing new labia as a result. However, as the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] later discovered, Chris actually went ahead and '''sliced himself open with a knife in order to free the vagina he thought was growing within him'''.

{{quoteboxgreen|So, Chris was feeling up his junk, and he felt something "growing in". He believed his labia were growing in. He knew, logically, that he probably should let it... ahem... "erupt" on its own, because cutting himself open is crazy and he would probably get in trouble. But one night he was drunk and was sad that someone pointed out he didn't have an actual vagina, so he thought he'd help it along.

In the morning he was very embarrassed and sheepish about it. Chris is fucking lucky he posted about it online, and got pestered into getting help by weens, because if he hadn't, he'd probably end up in the hospital, fighting off a potentially lethal infection.

So technically speaking, in Chris logic, it was indeed a wound, but his vagina was going to come out and the wound would heal and everything would be alright.

It's kind of like he was Brundlewoman and he was pulling off his old ear and face and shit, and the beautiful Pam Anderson Christine would be underneath.<ref>https://archive.md/KbKpe</ref>}}

===Rejected by a blood bank===
In January 2017, Chris complained on Facebook that he had been turned away from a blood drive for being transgender.<ref>[[January 2017 Facebook Posts]]</ref> He stated that the given reason was "the FDA saw to not accept blood from Transgender people, due to the varying levels of testosterone/estrogen balances in our blood." Chris does not realize how medically sensitive patients will be when receiving blood transfusions, and that it would not be in their interests to be taking blood with hormonal imbalances, especially from Chris, whose blood has been affected by both his unhealthy lifestyle and the dangerous intake of the unsupervised Oestrogel drug.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[COVID-19]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Health}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

CADD

2022-03-08T15:52:35Z

MikelAx7: changed some wording, attempted to make the tone less hostile and the syntax more formal.

{{quote|When Chris still attended church, one of the churchgoers had connections with a business that did a lot of CADD work and told him to submit his resume. You know, the shit he went to school for and is so unbearably proud of? Well, his excuse later was that the business was too far from him. At most, maybe 20 minutes away.|[[Emily]]<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/page-84#post-3415817</ref>}}

[[Image:0714-PVCCCaddDeg2.jpg|Chris's Associate in Applied Science with CADD emphasis. "The Associate in Applied Science degree is awarded to students who are permitted to relax some of the general education requirements in order to study more course work in their program area. This kind of degree is for students who intend to enter the workforce upon graduation."|thumb]]
[[Image:0713-PVCCCaddDeg1.jpg|Chris's CADD certificate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]|thumb]]

'''CADD''' stands for "Computer-Aided Drafting and Design". It is a college degree which provides career development in the use of computers to create and analyze designs. For Chris, however, this degree has provided no real-world benefits whatsoever, other than giving him something else to brag about to boyfriend-free girls.

==Chris's CADD degree==
Chris graduated from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] with an Associate in Applied Science degree and a CADD certificate in May of [[2006]]. Chris admitted in his [[Father Call|call with Kacey's father]] that he entered into the CADD program without knowing what kind of jobs such a certificate could get him. Throughout his years at [[PVCC]], and in the years since graduating, he still hasn't bothered to figure it out. If [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] were still among us and [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] still cared about anything, they'd be kicking themselves for wasting money on his tuition.

CADD at PVCC was designed as a two-year degree, but it took Chris five years to complete it, not including the year in which he was suspended from college. The CADD certificate itself only required four courses, or one semester of work. The remaining credit requirements were to be met with major-related requirements and a few general education classes. Chris would have needed extensive consultation with his advisor in the CADD program. In addition to this advising, Chris had at his disposal two CADD labs, a Career Services department, web-posted job openings, and links to relevant external sites. None of this could overcome Chris's general apathy and confusion about entering the world of work.<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20040314200504/http://www.pvcc.edu/cadlab/]]</ref><ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20050122014451/http://pvcc.edu/College%20Catalog%202004-2006%20%20for%20web/piedmont_virginia_community_coll.htm]]</ref>

Despite the inordinate amount of time it took Chris to obtain this degree, and the amount that Chris talks about it, he only ever produced two pieces of work. While one might assume that they were two large projects produced over a long amount of time, the two designs he produced were a map of [[CWCville_Shopping_Center|his mall]] and an incredibly large [[CWCville Mayoral Office|Mayor's Office]] about the size of a football field with nothing much inside it. The mall contains a two-story Pokemon center and numerous stores where one can buy and play with games and toys, as well as restaurants that mostly sell [[Chris_and_nutrition|junk food]]. The mayor's office is supposed to be in the mall but is nowhere to be found in his diagram. This cyclopean structure contains several rooms over 100 feet long containing very few objects, with a table around 20 feet in length in the middle. It contains few doors for a building of its size, and some hallways are fully inaccessible.

Chris claims that he received an A+ for these projects which took him "weeks to months" to complete.<ref>[[Mumble 5]]</ref> However, he has also admitted indirectly that one of his CADD professors, Dr. Kene C.U. Meniru, gave him a failing grade at some point. Typically, Chris could only assume that this criticism was completely unjustified, and that Dr. Meniru was entirely malicious. Dr. Meniru would appear as the [[CADD Chef]] in Sonichu #5 which Chris was drawing in the month of his graduation.

The Associate's Degree in CADD is no longer offered by [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]].<ref>http://www.dailyprogress.com/news/pvcc-drops-programs-amid-state-budget-crisis/article_b499ce9e-725d-515d-8c8f-8ffe634bd7a5.html</ref> As time goes on, computer-aided design programs evolve, and it's more economical to learn the craft as part of another major (such as engineering, machining, digital media, or product design). Simply majoring in CADD nowadays is like majoring in Microsoft Word. Additionally, Chris was trained on Windows XP-era software that is most likely ''long'' out of date and has made virtually zero effort to keep up with new developments in his field of study. This has left Chris with very few job prospects he wouldn't have gotten with any other AA.

==Usage in the comics==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|left|'''Computer'''-Aided, not Pen-Aided.]]
Chris's CADD degrees apparently come into use within his [[comic]]s. He even alludes to them assisting him at many points in his comic; for example, [[:Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|Sonichu & Rosechu's benefit house]]. However, the few basic measuring skills he may have picked up from his CADD courses seem to have been forgotten, because he never uses a ruler, nor are his drawings to scale. Additionally, he doesn't use a computer for anything but the text, making his CADD degree entirely inconsequential to the production of his comic. Obviously, a college course is not required to be able to make basic measurements or draw things relatively proportional to each other. When you consider his lack of improvement over the last 20 years, he'd probably have been better off spending [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]'s tuition money on [[Lego]] blocks.

Chris petulantly inserted Dr. Meniru into the comic as a villain by the name of [[CADD Chef]], who mocks Chris's designs for his mall. This "injustice" guaranteed CADD Chef a place in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] as one of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s minions.

==See also==
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
* [[CADD Chef]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloorOne.pdf Plans, Floor 1]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloor2.pdf Plans, Floor 2]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/MayorsOfficeModel1.pdf Plans, Mayor's Office]
* [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.49854/page-1470#post-10548820 Kiwi Farms post containing above plans]
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?we0oddnzwnk Original Project Files]</s>Link down, please upload if you have the files
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20040314200504/http://www.pvcc.edu/cadlab/ Archived page for the CADD program at PVCC while Chris was there]

{{PVCCSaga}}
{{Education}}
[[Category:Education]]

User:MikelAx7

2022-03-08T15:18:17Z

MikelAx7:

This is my epic user page hello!!

The most direct involvement I have had in Christory was that in March 2021 he posted a list of twitter users that he called his "dox list" and my (now suspended) account was one of them. Since the "Christorical Figure" role in the CWCki discord was just deleted when I joined, I was given 2 cosmetic roles instead.

Talk:Sonichu 0 HD

2022-03-08T15:16:32Z

MikelAx7: /* Giving rosechu's story its own article */

I don't think the delete template is necessary. This article is essentially a placeholder for when Chris gets around to working on the pages. If he changes the plot like he did [[Sonichu 12-9]], the content will already be in place instead of being buried in some tweet update. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 22:22, 15 November 2017 (UTC)

== Status as abandoned ==

I think it is fair to list Sonichu 15 as forsaken, at least in practise in the same way Sonichu 16 is. Even before this half-year hiatus, Chris would only work on Sonichu 14, and Chris has authorised 'Rosechu's Story' as accurate ''Sonichu'' lore. [[User:ChanOfTartary|ChanOfTartary]] ([[User talk:ChanOfTartary|talk]]) 14:09, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

*According to [https://sonichu.com/w/images/7/7c/Rosechu%27s_Story_comic_book_cover.jpeg his fine print], Rosechu's Story isn't canon - "it touches the original Sonichu canon (not fully, though)" He's taken longer hiatuses with the comic, he delayed #15 for like two years to focus on the Idea Guys before going back to it briefly. He was jumping back-and-forth between #14 (last updated August 2019) and #15 (last updated July 2019). [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 15:56, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

**Thank you for showing me wrong! Accessing CWCville Shopping directly is a nightmare for me (RequestPolicy blocks the third-party requests the site makes), so I had no access to the actual cover. You would not happen to have the title page for the ''Prequel'' that Chris is also selling, would you? [[User:ChanOfTartary|ChanOfTartary]] ([[User talk:ChanOfTartary|talk]]) 16:51, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

**Sure. Here's the Prequel cover - [[:File:Prequel comic book cover-min.jpeg]]. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 17:23, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

== Colored pages ==

The [[10 August 2020 Watchmen leaks|Discord Leaks]] from a while ago contained [[:File:Leaked page 1.jpg|two]] [[:File:Leaked page 2.jpg|pages]] of ''Sonichu'' #15 that are fully colored compared to [[:File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p30-min.png|their]] [[:File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p43-min.png|counterparts]] in this article. Should we replace those? [[User:Superspongebobbros|Superspongebobbros]] ([[User talk:Superspongebobbros|talk]]) 22:12, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

:Sounds good. Maybe add the uncolored versions to Gallery. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 02:47, 7 November 2020 (UTC)

== Giving rosechu's story its own article ==

Would it be worth the effort? I for one unironically really like Rosechu's Story. [[MikelAx7]] - 10:15, 8 March 2022 (EST)

Talk:Sonichu 0 HD

2022-03-08T15:15:56Z

MikelAx7: /* Giving rosechu's story its own article */ adding my name

Talk:Sonichu 0 HD

2022-03-08T15:14:05Z

MikelAx7: /* Giving rosechu's story its own article */ new section

I don't think the delete template is necessary. This article is essentially a placeholder for when Chris gets around to working on the pages. If he changes the plot like he did [[Sonichu 12-9]], the content will already be in place instead of being buried in some tweet update. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 22:22, 15 November 2017 (UTC)

== Status as abandoned ==

I think it is fair to list Sonichu 15 as forsaken, at least in practise in the same way Sonichu 16 is. Even before this half-year hiatus, Chris would only work on Sonichu 14, and Chris has authorised 'Rosechu's Story' as accurate ''Sonichu'' lore. [[User:ChanOfTartary|ChanOfTartary]] ([[User talk:ChanOfTartary|talk]]) 14:09, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

*According to [https://sonichu.com/w/images/7/7c/Rosechu%27s_Story_comic_book_cover.jpeg his fine print], Rosechu's Story isn't canon - "it touches the original Sonichu canon (not fully, though)" He's taken longer hiatuses with the comic, he delayed #15 for like two years to focus on the Idea Guys before going back to it briefly. He was jumping back-and-forth between #14 (last updated August 2019) and #15 (last updated July 2019). [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 15:56, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

**Thank you for showing me wrong! Accessing CWCville Shopping directly is a nightmare for me (RequestPolicy blocks the third-party requests the site makes), so I had no access to the actual cover. You would not happen to have the title page for the ''Prequel'' that Chris is also selling, would you? [[User:ChanOfTartary|ChanOfTartary]] ([[User talk:ChanOfTartary|talk]]) 16:51, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

**Sure. Here's the Prequel cover - [[:File:Prequel comic book cover-min.jpeg]]. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 17:23, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

== Colored pages ==

The [[10 August 2020 Watchmen leaks|Discord Leaks]] from a while ago contained [[:File:Leaked page 1.jpg|two]] [[:File:Leaked page 2.jpg|pages]] of ''Sonichu'' #15 that are fully colored compared to [[:File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p30-min.png|their]] [[:File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p43-min.png|counterparts]] in this article. Should we replace those? [[User:Superspongebobbros|Superspongebobbros]] ([[User talk:Superspongebobbros|talk]]) 22:12, 6 November 2020 (UTC)

:Sounds good. Maybe add the uncolored versions to Gallery. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 02:47, 7 November 2020 (UTC)

== Giving rosechu's story its own article ==

Would it be worth the effort?
I for one unironically really like Rosechu's Story

User:MikelAx7

2022-03-08T15:11:53Z

MikelAx7: Created page with "This is my epic user page hello!!"

This is my epic user page hello!!

Talk:DoopieDoOver

2021-05-26T04:49:12Z

MikelAx7: Asked about a potential edit

== Edits ==

===MikelAx7===

Apologies if not doing this correctly, just got an account
Would it be productive to go into more detail over Doopie's rebrand to DoopieDoodles and her porn shit? seems like Chris is deriving a lot of parasocial affection from that stuff, but that's just a hunch

===Hurtful Truth Level===

Should the write-up about Doopie from the socialization article be transferred here? If so, maybe that section could be modified to be about his interactions with Dolan's staff, like the MLP VAs section? Also, what is planned for the Planet Dolan article? [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 07:03, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

===PsychoNerd054===

To be perfectly honest, I think you should keep a majority of the Doopie stuff from the socialization article in that article, that article is only meant to explain Chris' issues when socializing with people and give examples of such issues. I'd say go into a bit more detail for this article when it comes to Chris socializing with Doopie.

As for the Planet Dolan article, for now, I was thinking that article should be reserved to Chris talking to the rest of the Planet Dolan staff as well as a bit of information on Sonichu 13. There will be more in the "In the Comics" section as soon as Sonichu 13 comes to be.

BTW, on an unrelated note, I'm planning out a new Chris and... article called "Chris and oration", since Chris has now gotten into this tendency of making petty speeches whenever he needs to justify his actions or his logic or when he feels like he needs to move people. What do you say to that?

===Hurtful Truth Level===

*Sounds good. What sort of examples do you have in mind for the Oration article? Do those fall under the scope of empathy? I thought about writing an article on empathy that would have examples of him lecturing on it, like with [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/February_2017_Facebook_Posts#Lecture_on_empathy this post] and examples of him failing to empathize (like pestering Cole for money after insulting him}. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 08:33, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

===PsychoNerd054===

{{quoteboxred| What sort of examples do you have in mind for the Oration article?}}

The examples I was thinking of were as follows:

*a couple of Chris' political videos, especially the ones on Donald Trump.
*a few Manchester High assignments where oration was a requirement.
*some examples of his lecturing from social media sites.
*the [[Autism Tutorial]] he made is also chock full of oration so we could also use that.
*Maybe we could put a bit of Sonic Boom protest in there too, there are just so many different examples we could use for this article.

I was also thinking that the following articles should be put under the See Also section:

*Chris and politics
*Chris and English
*Chris and socialization
*Chris and writing
*Pmurt
*Manchester High Leaks
*Autism Tutorial

{{quoteboxred| Do those fall under the scope of empathy?}}

I'm not exactly sure of that since Chris' speeches can range in topics. And I'm not exactly sure if Chris' lack of empathy really needs its own article, considering the fact that it's kind of already explained in "Chris and death" and other articles outside of the Chris and... series. I'm not against the idea, but I really am not sure if the empathy article is necessary.

I've started working on the article --> (https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_and_oration)

== Quotes ==

There are a lot of tweets from Chris to Doopie, so reposting them here in full will take up a lot of article space. How about using the reference tag to link to [[2017 tweets|the tweet page]] instead and just repost the best of the quotes here? [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 19:34, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

===PsychoNerd054===

That could work, I think we should leave the first one though, since that's what's started the Doopie Fiasco in the first place.

*Agreed. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 19:38, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

===PsychoNerd054===

On second thought, do you think we can put this article aside for now? I mean, other than the fact that Doopie has become troll bait at this point, nothing exactly outstanding has really happened between Doopie and Chris to even mention yet. How about we work on other articles such as your Socialization article, my Oration article, and the Planet Dolan article, for now, I think the Planet Dolan article needs a bit more attention. In fact, this so called "Doopie Saga" might not even become a real saga at all.

*I agree. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 04:19, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

==Topics==

Hey, does anyone have an idea as to what else we can add to this article? ([[User talk:PsychoNerd054|talk]]) 19:53, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

*The only other things I can think of are the info on the Patreon pledge/commission, and Doopie's quote explaining she knew about Chris, both of which are on the Socialization page. Is there enough content to keep this as an article? It's kind of unwieldy that the biggest section on this article is on the ween who briefly impersonated Doopie. I think we should consider merging this article with the Doopie section on Socialization, at least until something more interesting happens. I think the Socialization article could work like [[Chandler Cats]] or [[Minor Family Members]] - an overview about the subject, followed by sections about individual members. The DoopieDoOver page could be redirected to that. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 04:19, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

*Agreed, to be perfectly honest, I don't quite like where this article is heading. Currently, it's a disorganized mess full of disconnected events. While we're at it, why don't we put some of the stuff in this article into the Planet Dolan article? Let's just wait until say the end of the year. For now, just put the merge tag on the article itself. [[User:PsychoNerd054|PsychoNerd054]] 4:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

*On second thought, I think there is enough content for an article. More stuff to be added - Chris knowing Doopie has a BF, yet using "darling" to refer to her (5 times so far), and the paid drawing she did for him on Patreon. I'll revise this article further today. Also, I think the Liquid Doopie section should be moved to a separate article (Misc E-mails or something) - it doesn't add anything to the focus of thie article and could just be summarized briefly instead. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 15:06, 27 July 2017 (UTC)

*Not to mention, I think these Doopie shenanigans are getting closer to becoming an actual saga, since some crazy shit has been happening between Chris and Doopie.

== Shoot Down ==

Is there really any reason to make the shoot down post its own section at this point? As far as I am concerned, it seems best to just keep it inside the Twitter section. Any objections? I wanted to make this post just so that I can understand the logic behind the change. - [[User:PsychoNerd054|PsychoNerd054]]

*My reason was to keep the flow of events organized. First they interacted over Twitter, then Chris commissioned her for art, started calling her "Darling," and finally she shot him down. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 05:23, 2 August 2017 (UTC)

*I see, and that was a pretty good change you've made now that I think of it, it illustrates Chris' descent to madness with Doopie pretty well.- [[User:PsychoNerd054|PsychoNerd054]]

== Emails ==

I'll run the screencaps of emails Doopie posted through Google Sheets to pull the text from them for inclusion in the article. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 03:13, 6 August 2017 (UTC)

==Doopie Dude-Over?==

I hear tell that Doopie's trans. Is there any truth to the rumor that Chris' new "gal pal" has a pickle?
[[User:Jerkop421]]

*Nah. It's just bullshit from ED. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 04:09, 6 September 2017 (UTC)

Have you seen his hole or are you making assumptions? Girls don't have thick necks like doopie or have an adam's apple

[[User:Hagibor|Hagibor]] ([[User talk:Hagibor|talk]]) 20:55, 12 September 2017 (UTC)

*She doesn't have an adam's apple. The trans rumor came from the ED article. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 21:04, 12 September 2017 (UTC)

*There's no concrete evidence she's male though. Leave it as female until proven transgender. --[[User:Shekelberg|Shekelberg]]