CWCki - User contributions [en]

1990s

2014-10-02T20:16:29Z

Missionfrog:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in the nineties.]]
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and [[Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0505-ChristianWLlamma.jpg|thumb|right|WTF [[Niggos|nigger]].]]

The '''1990s''' saw the beginning of [[Chris]]'s obsession with [[Sonic]] and [[Pokémon]] which would one day lead to the abomination that is [[Sonichu]]. He also started using the [[Internet]] this decade.

==1990==
'''1990''' would be our problematic [[Autism|autistic]]'s last year at [[Greene County Primary School]]. It is unknown why he left, and whether he was expelled. Also, Chris met his [[gal-pal]] [[Tiffany Robinson]].

[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris meets [[Sonic]].]]
[[Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1991'''.]]
[[Image:0067-Christian%26Barbie.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and Barbie. That little Sonic plushie would be featured again, decades later, in [[Kimmi|Christian's sex vid]].]]
[[Image:0224-ChristianOnABus.jpg|thumb|right|Chris wants to see the schoolbus.]]
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1995'''.]]
[[Image:0105-MomRetire13.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1996'''.]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|thumb|right|Christmas '''1996'''. Spoiled fuck.]]
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1997'''. He had to water the niggos.]]
[[File:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's '''1998''' gift to [[Cole Smithey]].]]
===Events of 1990===
* 24 February - Christopher's 8th birthday.
* June - Christopher becomes a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. (according to himself) <ref>From the [[Sonichu]] article on [[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* August/September - Chris enters third grade at [[Greene County Primary School]].

==1991==
'''1991''' would be a troublesome year for Christopher. He switched schools to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], but had a conflict with the principal. Certain teachers also supposedly abused Chris, and the school's administration wanted Chris put in intensive special education or an "institution". In this year Chris's friend [[Tiffany Robinson]] would end her friendship with Chris.

===Events of 1991===
* 24 February - Christopher's 9th birthday.
* April - A picture of Chris is taken on some monkey bars.
* 23 June - the first ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' game is released.
* 1991 - Christopher is first introduced to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>
* August/September - Chris enters fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]. He soon develops a dislike towards the allegedly [[homos|homosexual]] principal of the school.
* September - A picture of Chris is taken at a local playground.
* 1991 - Chris is supposedly "abused" by the teachers at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* 1991 - Christopher's father, [[Bob Chandler]], takes the "abusive" teachers to court, but fails.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* 1991 - Chris is removed from school and home-schooled.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>

==1992==
In '''1992''', Chris was removed from Nathanael Greene Elementary School and home-schooled for a year. Also, to prevent Chris from being put in an institution or intensive special education, Bob and Chris moved to the outskirts of [[Richmond]].

===Events of 1992===
* 24 February - Christopher's 10th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters fifth grade. He is home-schooled.
* September - The Chandler family moves to [[Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments]] in Chesterfield County, Virginia, because they are afraid Chris will be "locked up in an institution." They keep their home in [[Ruckersville]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* December - An encounter with [[Leonard_Bearstein|The Bear]] inspires Christopher to change his name to Christian.

==1993==
In '''1993''', Chris started attending [[Providence Middle School]] in Richmond. He became more and more obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, even entering a Sonic contest.

===Events of 1993===
* 1993 - Chris's [[Son-chu|noble steed]] is manufactured.
* 24 February - Christopher's 11th birthday.
* August/September - Chris starts attending [[Providence Middle School]], entering the sixth grade.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* September - The Chandler family moves to [[Chesterfield County]].<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7. Also based upon statements done by Chris in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]].</ref>
* Autumn - Chris enters the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].<ref>As stated in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] video.</ref>
* 19 November - Amy Rose and Metal Sonic's first American appearance, in ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|Sonic CD]]''. Little did they know the horror of the future [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] and [[Metal Sonichu]].
* 20 November - Chris gets Spider-Man's autograph at the mall, and meets Mario, Barbie, Santa Claus and a dog.
* 29 December - [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|An article]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Richmond Times-Dispatch|Richmond Times-Dispatch]]'' discusses Chris, his name change, and the Sonic contest.<ref>[http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/timesdispatch/access/615847621.html?dids=615847621:615847621&FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&type=current&date=Dec+29,+1993&author=Barbara+Green&pub=Richmond+Times+-+Dispatch&desc=IT+TOOK+A+TALKING+BEAR+TO+GIVE+THE+NAME+A+YOUNG+BOY+LOVES&pqatl=google It took a talking bear to give a young boy loves], Barbara Green - Richmond Times</ref>

==1994==
In '''1994''', Chris pestered his parents into letting him change his name. He also won the Sonic contest.

===Events of 1994===
* Winter - Christopher [[Christopher's name change|changes his name]] to Christian.
* 24 February - Christian's 12th birthday.
* 26 February - Christian wins the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* 2 March - Butthurt that they lost their original case, the Chandlers file their appeal with the Virginia Court of Appeals.
* 9 May - The Case of Bob Chandler vs. Greene County School Board is dismissed by the Virginia Court of Appeals.<ref>From [http://208.210.219.132/stars/select.jsp Court of Appeals of Virginia Case Information]</ref>
* August/September - Christian enters the seventh grade at Providence Middle School.

==1995==
In '''1995''', Chris entered eighth grade at Providence Middle School.

===Events of 1995===
* 1995 - Birth of [[Savannah Chandler]].
* 24 February - Christian's 13th birthday.
* March - first appearance of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Chaotix|Chaotix]] in [[Sonic|''Knuckles' Chaotix'']]. If they had known about the horror of the [[Chaotic Combo]], they wouldn't have bothered.
* August/September - Christian enters the eighth grade at Providence Middle School.
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments and into the [[Surrywood Subdivision]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* 25 December - Chris receives a two-faced sports fan, a Power Rangers Shogun Megazord and a new bicycle for Christmas.

==1996==
'''1996''' was a rather [[stress|stressful]] year for Chris's parents. The neighbors around their new house in [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]] started spreading rumors about the Chandler family. This was rather hard for Bob and Barbara to bear. Christian himself didn't seem to mind the trouble too much, and started attending [[Manchester High School]].

===Events of 1996===
* 24 February - Christian's 14th birthday. He receives a Lego robot.
* 27 February - [[Pokémon|''Pokémon Red'' and ''Green'']] are released in Japan: the first appearance of [[Pikachu]].
* Early Spring - Barbara retires from Secretarial Services at [[Virginia (state)|Virginia]] Power.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* Late Spring - Christian graduates from Providence Middle School on [[honor roll]].<ref>Based upon statements by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of the [[Surrywood Subdivision]], and starts living in the [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]]. According to Chris, some of the neighbors spread rumors about his family.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* 1 September - Christian begins his freshman year at [[Manchester High School]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* 11 September - [[Ryan Cash]] is born.
* Autumn - Chris becomes a water boy for the varsity [[basketball]] team.
* 13 November - During basketball practice, Chris thinks up [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].
* 25 December - Chris receives a Cortland video camera, a Lego playset, a [[Peanuts|Snoopy doll]], a ''Cartooning with Charles Schulz'' kit, [[Wikipedia:Wave Race 64|''Wave Race 64'']], [[Wikipedia:Mischief Makers|''Mischief Makers'']] and an extra Nintendo 64 controller for [[Christmas]]. He also gives Bob a [[Wikipedia:Yoshi|Yoshi]] plushie.

==1997==
In '''1997''', Chris is still studying happily at Manchester High School. He now also manages the school basketball team.

===Events of 1997===
* 1997 - Chris is rejected by [[Laura Dorazio]].
* 14 February - Valentine's Day. At a dating match-up at school, Chris is paired up with cheerleader [[Molly Quarles]].
* 24 February - Christian's 15th birthday.
* 1 April - First episode of ''[[Pokémon]]'' anime broadcast in Japan; [[Pikachu]] becomes a cultural icon there.
* June - Christian allegedly had a prophetic [[dream]] about [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] appearing on [[Game Boy]].<ref>Claimed by Chris in his PowerPoint: [http://www.mediafire.com/?xe03yxe1zyp]</ref>
* August/September - Christian begins his sophomore year at Manchester High School.
* 17 September - death of [[Red Skelton]].
* 1 October - [[Barbara]]'s 56th birthday. Chris and Bob are photographed laughing like idiots.

==1998==
In '''1998''', Chris received an [[Honor roll|F]] in English class. This would hurt him severely, forcing him to create the "[[Song of Christian]]" in retribution. He also discovered [[masturbation]].

===Events of 1998===
* 1998 - Chris discovers masturbation.<ref>[[Mass debating]]</ref>
* 2 February - Chris begins to wear the [[Pedo-Glasses]].
* 24 February - Christian's 16th birthday.
* 15 May - [[Song of Christian]] released.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* 4 June - Christian makes his [[Chris's DVD#Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera|Lego Raceway Animation]].<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* August/September - Christian begins his junior year at Manchester High School.
* 4 September - Chris records a [[KCWC]] "[[KCWC broadcast|broadcast]]" on tape. Barbara "calls in" saying that she wants to request a song for Bob's 71st birthday, humoring him like he's six years old, when in reality, he was sixteen.
* 8 September - The ''[[Pokémon]]'' [[anime]] is released in the United States. Chris becomes an avid fan.
* 30 September - ''Pokémon Red'' and ''Blue'' are released in America. Things would never be the same in the Chandler household.

==1999==
In '''1999''', the [[Pokémon]] franchise broke big in America. During this time, Chris started making Pokémon-themed websites, and even got into the [[Chris's DVD#Chris Chan in the Pok'eNews|PokéNews]]. According to [[Lucas]], Chris started showing up at [[The GAMe PLACe]] around this time.<ref>Based on an estimate by [[Lucas]] in [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Chris.27s_ban_from_the_store|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]].</ref> Chris also created many of his "original" Pokémon cards this year for his [[Wall of Originals]]. They are listed below, as well as the other milestones of this year.
===Events of 1999===
{{Main|1999}}

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Julie Reveals Herself

2014-09-23T19:17:43Z

Missionfrog: piped destruction of chris house

In this transcript, '''Julie''' is revealed.

==Description==
After being deceived by [[Max]] earlier in the day, Chris retreated to lick his wounds. However, they would cross paths one last time later that night in this hour-long [[Mumble]] chat, where Max continued his onslaught on the [[Chris|manchild]]. He threatened to sell Chris's [[PSN]] account on [[eBay]] several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] as well as [[ED]]. He also threatened to send Julie back to Europe, forced Chris to declare [[BILLY MAYS]] as the new Mayor of [[CWCville]], and have Chris imprisoned. But the icing on the cake was when Max made Chris destroy his precious [[medallion]] and shove it up his ass. After it was all said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a [[Pickle|little surprise]] for him.

It should be noted that [[Clyde Cash]] and several other [[trolls]] were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, the trolls were disgusted and horrified with BlueSpike's evil requests of Chris. Because of these acts, the following day on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], an explosive troll war took place because of BlueSpike's actions. (See [[BlueSpike|this article]] for more information.)

==Transcript==

===eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)===
'''Max:''' [tape begins with very low quality] Ready? [The sound of the trolls voices can be heard, but very faintly. The audio then becomes more audiable as Max begins his onslaught on Chris.] Christian Chandler, hello!
 '''Chris:''' Hello.
 '''Max:''' Aw, why so down in the dumps?
 '''Chris:''' Come on, you know why.
 '''Max:''' Why? Tell me!
 '''Chris:''' Because you stole my [[PSN]], you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
 '''Max:''' And what did you pick? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' —icked [[Julie]].
 '''Max:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' 'Cause I love her.
 '''Max:''' ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in five seconds: Julie or everything else.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what you say? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba— What you say?
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not going to go back. No.
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Really? You sincerely mean it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, if you don't yell at me one more time, you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your [[fangs]]! [''maniacal laughter''] Are you constipated? [''high-pitched squealing in delight''] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump... Oh, look out, he's reachin' [[Dragonball Z|Super Saiyan]]. You're not mad, you pathetic wimp.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry constipated sound'']
 '''Max:''' You disgust me! Oh, why don't you smack the webcam around some. You're a bitch. You're not going to get my sister that way.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get— You want me to get angry, I got angry.
 '''Max:''' That's not angry, you're a— You're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no.
 '''Max:''' No. It's going on [[eBay]].
 '''Chris:''' No, you leave it off!
 '''Max:''' Yes! eBay!
 '''Chris:''' No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no.
 '''Max:''' [''laughter''] eBay... eBay...
 '''Chris:''' No! No! Stop. Stop it.
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Stop. I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
 '''Chris:''' [''multiple sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Face it, Chris, it's mine.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not— No, no, no. No.
 '''Max:''' No matter how many times you say "no" like that, it's not going to change it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Say "buhbuhbyenoes".
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, repeat that?
 '''Max:''' Say that "I'm a [[Homos|homo]]."
 '''Chris:''' [''grudgingly and incoherently''] Ermnahomo...
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
 '''Chris:''' [''muffled''] Ermahomo...
 '''Max:''' Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
 '''Chris:''' I'm a hommomu—
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Eithe— Then say it louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''screams''] I AM A HOMO!!!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no!
 '''Max:''' [''mockingly''] No, that's not okay, Mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
 '''Chris:''' No. You have got— No, no, no! No, don't you dare!
 '''Max:''' Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind.
 '''Chris:''' ...rrRRRRAAGHHH YOU FUCKING SUCK SO HARD!!!
 '''Max:''' And you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong. Prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry muffled noise'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, I'm making the manchild— Are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna— You're, you're just— You just really are dumb. It-it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No! No! No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' You leave it off of eBay.
 '''Max:''' eBay! Yes, yes.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' STOOOOOP!!!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
 '''Chris:''' Stop it, I dunno. Look, look, look—
 '''Max:''' Alright, listen, listen. Look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You're not putting it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your [[fangs]]?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Stop.
 '''Max:''' No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. eBay. Look, eBay. [''keys clicking''] eBay.com.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Stop!
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop! What do you want?
 '''Max:''' I want to sell your PSN on the—
 '''Chris:''' [''pitch rising, he's getting desperate''] [[Chris and negotiation|I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme— Gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it—]]
 '''Max:''' No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN if you pick Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Look, please. Alright, fine, listen, listen—
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop, stop, just listen to me, please.
 '''Max:''' Umm, how should I label this? Oh! A thousand dollars worth of PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Stop! Stop!
 '''Max:''' Hacked by Max Milvana.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop.
 '''Max:''' Starting bid... A hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
 '''Max:''' I can have it?
 '''Chris:''' But just— But just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Okay!
 '''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just— Just leave it off eBay, please!
 '''Max:''' It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause, sigh''] Yes, but please, just don't sell it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why.
 '''Chris:''' Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
 '''Max:''' I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
 '''Chris:''' How many gigabytes does your [[PlayStation 3]] have?
 '''Max:''' What? I think it's like an eighty-gigabyte; i-it came with ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'', so...
 '''Chris:''' [''self-satisfied sigh''] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than eighty gigabytes, [[Wikipedia:King of the Hill|I'll tell you what]].
 '''Max:''' Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff?
 '''Max:''' Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Let's see... I think I might have a friend in [[Wikipedia:New Brunswick|New Brunswick]] that wants this, I don't know.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No.
 '''Max:''' Where's my phone? Oh, here it is. [''dials'']
 '''Chris:''' Listen, listen. You— You— You keep my account, okay? You keep my account and—
 '''Max:''' And I'll put it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' —leave it alone. No.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]]. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake, and he's going to defile your name.
 '''Chris:''' No, leave it off. No, no. No!
 '''Max:''' I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] I'm going to give it to [[4-cent_garbage]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that— They're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, stop, stop.
 '''Max:''' Donation: $1,000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
 '''Chris:''' [''getting louder and whinier''] No, just stop, just stooooop!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, why don't you yell some louder. Why don't you yell— Why don't you wake the dead with your howl, like... Come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 '''Max:''' You— You yell like a pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, yell louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 '''Max:''' Uh-oh. I won't like you when you're mad. Oh wait, I do, because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
 '''Chris:''' Alright...
 '''Max:''' Suck my dick.
 '''Chris:''' How can I do you— How can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
 '''Max:''' I'll go all the way to [[Virginia]]. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to [[The GAMe PLACe]], apologize to [[Michael Snyder|the manager]], and suck HIS [[Pickle|dick]]. And I want you to record it and put it on [[YouTube]].
 '''Chris:''' Aaaaah... Please, don't be— Don't be such a meanie.
 '''Max:''' Oh, "meanie"? Fuck you! Suck your manager's dick.
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, listen, alright? Listen, just listen.
 '''Max:''' Listen to what?
 '''Chris:''' Max— Max, you are a great being. You are— You're a humble person. Please, I'm only a lowly— I'm only a lowly servant among your trestles.
 '''Max:''' [''disbelieving''] Wha... Uh...
 '''Chris:''' I only ask you— I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
 '''Max:''' Sh-shut up! You can have— You can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
 '''Chris:''' But listen, I—
 '''Max:''' No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, stop. Look, I'm putting myself— I'm putting yourself on your mercy here. Please, just leave my— Just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance, you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance, you fucking monkey! [''squeaks/laughs''] Alright, you— Stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like [[Chris and death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|Michael Jackson]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes panting sounds, presumably dancing'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Oh, what the fuck? Oh, don't! No, don't! Oh, no more! No more. When you grabbed your crotch, that was enough. Hey, Chris, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, thousand-dollar-worth PSN account hacked... I'm going to start the bid at five hundred dollars.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] You win. Win. I give up.
 '''Max:''' What? I win? It's mine?.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please?
 '''Max:''' It's gone.
 '''Chris:''' Look, you can have it, you can—
 '''Max:''' I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with the cat crap you slip on. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Chris holds Max at Duckpoint (11:16-14:00)===
'''Max:''' What are you going to do? Mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man, you fucking pussy? Come on. No, no. "But" nothing, you're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No...
 '''Max:''' No, sit right there, like a bitch. You stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there. You ''are'' a bitch. You've got a big old set of...ovaries... NO!!! NO, NO!!! DON'T!!! OK. OK. OK. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you [[Pedofork|pedo...fork]]. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal, indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actu—
 '''Max:''' Don't...
 '''Chris:''' —nothing was actually exposed.
 '''Max:''' Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just— Just don't.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' That's where I cross the line.
 '''Chris:''' Fine. That's wh— Selling— Selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line.
 '''Max:''' Well, its going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line...
 '''Max:''' No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it anymore, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick, I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woo-hoo!
 '''Chris:''' Look, okay— No, listen, stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You take it off of eBay and I'll pull my pants back up—
 '''Max:''' No. It's— It's already on eBay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute. There's something behind you. Move so that I can see behind you... Oh! That's the cup from [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What is it then?
 '''Chris:''' It's the— It's a [[McDonald's]] tea cup!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some man-tits going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for one dollar.
 '''Chris:''' Wait. What?
 '''Max:''' And if you fucking start with me one more time, it's going on eBay for a dollar.

===Dance like a Gay Man (14:00-15:38)===
'''Max:''' Hey, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' I actually... I'm not going to send Julie over there anyway. I'm not going to help her to see you.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. You stop. Y-y-y— We had an agreement. I picked Julie!
 '''Max:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping.
 '''Chris:''' No! You— You help her over here...
 '''Max:''' [''drowning out Chris''] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can positively disgust you?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, which you already do, so...
 '''Chris:''' Look, please, I'm— I'm begging, I'm begging you— I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please—
 '''Max:''' No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' How about, Chris—
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself— I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' I can't even see you.
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' ...Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance for my amusement. Dance like a gay man.
 '''Chris:''' [''makes shuffling sounds'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like... Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]].

===Medallion or PSN? (15:38-18:14)===
'''Max:''' Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your [[medallion]]?
 '''Chris:''' [''exasperated sigh''] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it.
 '''Max:''' Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or— No, no, no. I'm not going to give you that... Uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
 '''Chris:''' I might—
 '''Max:''' You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' What about Julie?
 '''Max:''' You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN. Then you won't get Julie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, I'm getting it.
 '''Max:''' Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you, shithead, I'm not.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here...
 '''Max:''' Oh, oh! And one— One more thing? Hey, Chris, I want— I want you to [[Semen|jizz]] on it before you burn it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Jizz?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and— Oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that [[BILLY MAYS]] is the Mayor of [[CWCville]]. Say it. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, what does "jizz" mean?
 '''Max:''' Oh, "what does 'jizz' mean?" I'm telling you to [[mass debate]] on it, you stupid dick.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly— Really quickly, Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. Can you do this? Say that BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it loud.
 '''Chris:''' BILLY MAYS?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, BILLY MAYS. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Who the hell is he?
 '''Max:''' BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN!
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can.
 '''Chris:''' [''more silence'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, autism mental block. What— What the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides, soldier.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I don't want my PSN anymore. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care.
 '''Max:''' Alright, I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' Go ahead.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)===
'''Max:''' Chris. Do what I want or I'm not going to send Julie over there, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' That's a good boy.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're sending Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. If you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs: "BILLY MAYS is the new Mayor of CWCville!" Come on. Do it!
 '''Chris:''' [''in a droning voice''] BILLY MAYS is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Louder, you fucking pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''slightly louder''] BILLY MAYS is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Stop saying it in your fucking...dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighs, raises his voice''] BILLY MAYS IS the new Mayor of CWCville!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail! CWCville Jail."
 '''Chris:''' And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.
 '''Max:''' "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.
 '''Chris:''' Where he will be raped by a bunch of...[[Niggos|niggos]].
 '''Max:''' [''giggling''] No, say "niggers", you stupid twat.
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Niggers.]]
 '''Max:''' Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''loudly''] Niggerrrrs.
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [[The Boondocks|Don't... Don't trust them new niggers over there!]]
 '''Max:''' No! No, shut up. You ruined that...fucking joke. Now, Chris, I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it... No, no, no, no, no. [[Mass debate]] on it first, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''voice shaking''] I'd rather just burn it, please...
 '''Max:''' No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of [[stress]]!
 '''Max:''' Well, I know— I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|think of men's dicks]], that'll probably help.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Just the opposite!
 '''Max:''' Oh yeah, uh— Yeah, men's balls. Sorry, men's balls.
 '''Chris:''' That's not the opposite, I— That's not the opposite, too.
 '''Max:''' You're right. Men's butts.
 '''Chris:''' [''enraged''] THAT IS EVEN WORSE!!!
 '''Max:''' Oh, you're right. Men's faces.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry growling noises'']
 '''Max:''' Those [[The Creepy Stare|persuasive eyes]], they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming''] THEY ARE NOT— YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD!!! I HAVE TO PICTURE A WOMAN!!!
 '''Max:''' You're gonna stick it in your— You're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt! Oh, oh! What, what, in the butt?!

===Losing the Plot (20:40-22:03)===
'''Max:''' Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there, where I can see it.
 '''Chris:''' [''pissed off''] I gotta get a match or something.
 '''Max:''' Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. [''screaming''] I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!! Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. [''pause''] How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? [''long pause''] Hey, Chris? [''still silence''] Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt: make your choice. [''silence''] Ah, interrogating [[Autism|autistics]], it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. [''long pause''] Christian, if you don't answer me within the next five seconds, I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Alright there, I guess— Hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me.
 '''Max:''' [''the worst girl voice ever''] Oh no!
 '''Max:''' Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic, before I bust a fucking cap...or something. [[Jerk]]. I mean, you are a jerk.
 '''Chris:''' [''rustling'']

===Wut Wut? (22:03-35:20)===
'''Max:''' Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have five seconds before I fucking send my, uh— You have five seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe... 5... 4... 3-2-1— Oh, too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me, Chris, I have to tell you one thing first. You have an alternative. Are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Now, you have an alternative: either burn it ''or'' shove it up your butt. [''mocking''] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do?
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' You're gonna... You're going to shove it up your butt?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other.
 '''Max:''' No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it.
 '''Chris:''' You're going to see this.
 '''Max:''' What are you going to show me? What the— What are you going to show me? No, no, no, no. If you burn it, I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it, I'll send Julie back to Europe... Don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' Alright, shove it up your—
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to shove it up my butt... But I have to divide it.
 '''Max:''' No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
 '''Chris:''' You want me to shove it up my butt, the whole thing?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and don't— And don't take it out, just shove it up until... Do it in a video.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rustling'']
 '''Max:''' And make sure you take pictures!
 '''Chris:''' [''more rustling'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, get this! [''laughing'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing'']
 '''Max:''' Actually, Chris— Chris, no, no, no. I decided— Yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky. You have to cut it up first. So yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Uhhh—
 '''Max:''' No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Just let me cut it.
 '''Max:''' Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting...
 '''Max:''' [''slips into his Massachusetts accent''] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Terrible.
 '''Max:''' How does it feel?
 '''Chris:''' Harsh. Cold.
 '''Max:''' [''mocking''] "Cold."
 '''Chris:''' Heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, ''me''? ''I'm'' heartless?
 '''Chris:''' No. This act, I'm calling it heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' While you're thinking, this will help. Call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can.
 '''Chris:''' You fucking douchebag!
 '''Max:''' You suck. You suck...nigger dicks. I have a nigger, you know. I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Alright, so you said "yes". I'll call him. Hey, Darnell. Darnell, come over here.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said no!
 '''Max:''' This guy wants to suck your dick!
 '''Chris:''' I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' Well, I think Darnell is too, umm— I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to.
 '''Chris:''' I said— I said— I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' No you didn't, I— I heard yes. Darnell— Darnell, I think he said "yes". He said "yes", Darnell. Yes.
 '''Chris:''' I said no! I said no!
 '''Max:''' Um, fine, shit all over your butt. Whatever. Darnell's going to watch, though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing, grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this. Also, while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No, this is bad enough.
 '''Max:''' Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No problem, I've got the camera on.
 '''Max:''' So wait, you're recording this, too?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Oh, God! You're recording it AND you're showing it live? Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on [[Skype]].
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Wait, are you recording it right now?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' OK, so, yeah, we saw you cu— The camera saw you cutting?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Alright, that's...wonderful. [''laughs''] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt. Can you say one thing?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, system beep''] Can I talk to Julie?
 '''Max:''' After you do this, yes.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my rump?
 '''Max:''' Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass."
 '''Chris:''' Up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!", okay? You have to do this, or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there, and while you do it, say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''singing''] I see a [''unintelligible''] of a man. It's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [''laughing''] Come on, hurry up. Oh, God, it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, goddammit. Oh, goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
 '''Chris:''' ...Maybe.
 '''Max:''' No, no, really? Tell me the— Tell me the truth. Did you?
 '''Chris:''' [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Yeah.]]
 '''Max:''' Whatever, just— Just— Yeah, just— Put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just—
Just— Just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long, please. [''laughing''] [[Family Guy|Insert Rod A into Slot B.]] Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [''laughing''] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up. Shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE!!! Yes, yes. Please! Please, do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!?
 '''Chris:''' [''groan''] I'm tired.
 '''Max:''' No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out.
 '''Chris:''' [''uncomfortable groaning'']
 '''Max:''' How does this make you feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''grunt''] Miserable.
 '''Max:''' How miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Totally miserable.
 '''Max:''' Oh, really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Well, that's too bad!
 '''Chris:''' [''grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, you sound like [[Wikipedia:Chewbacca|Chewbacca]]'s taking a shit. [''does a Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Chris:''' [''does his own Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, no. Just— Just— Just shut up. Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I stop what?
 '''Max:''' I said shut up. Don't— Don't even ruin Chewbacca.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You miserable pile of dick. Err! Oh, God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor [[Sonichu]] is going to look like Brownichu.
 '''Troll:''' BLUESPIKE!!! NO. MORE.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Brown-Stain Sonichu, with the power to cha—
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking groaning''] Keep going.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Troll 2:''' BlueSpike, stop that shit.
 '''Troll 3:''' This is awful.
 '''Max:''' [''background noise of small dog barking and door shutting'']
 '''Chris:''' [''groaning''] It don't wanna go in.
 '''Max:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' It don't wanna go in. In there.
 '''Max:''' Then keep trying. Make some room in there.
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, stop this shit.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful grunt'']
 '''Troll:''' Stop it. Really.
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine. Stop.
 '''Chris:''' Stop?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Don't take 'em out, though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright.
 '''Max:''' Now pull your pants up.
 '''Chris:''' One second.
 '''Troll:''' Blue, let him...
 '''Max:''' Yo, Chris, this is what I strive for. Watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing, now that I've seen it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' Blue, tell him he can take it out.
 '''Troll:''' Goddammit, BlueSpike. God ''damn''.
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Be right back. Excuse me.
 '''Max:''' Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man?
 '''Chris:''' I just want to wash my hands!
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. You can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands, I will not send Julie to Europe.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You cannot wash your hands.
 '''Chris:''' I can go wash my hands?
 '''Max:''' No, no, I said don't! Don't!
 '''Chris:''' Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

===Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)===
'''Max:''' How does it feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Terrible.
 '''Max:''' Really? How terrible?
 '''Chris:''' Ass-stinkingly terrible.
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
 '''Chris:''' No, this is enough.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no. You're not the one making the choices.
 '''Chris:''' [''long sigh''] Enough.
 '''Max:''' Chris, how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm...
 '''Chris:''' Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots, you fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do? What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do?
 '''Chris:''' What do ''I'' want to do?
 '''Max:''' Yeah— No, no, no. I mean, what ''could'' you do that might amuse me?
 '''Chris:''' What could I do that might amuse you...?
 '''Max:''' I have a good idea, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I just thought of something.
 '''Max:''' No, no. I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Well, I don't— I told you, I can't— I could not find any matches at this time.
 '''Max:''' No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the— Go to the store and get some matches then.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [''sings''] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—"
 '''Max:''' No! Shut up, just shut up, just shut the fuck up! [''laughs''] Shut the fuck up! Shut the FUCK up! I have a good idea: burn your house down.
 '''Troll:''' Goddammit, you idiot!
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27s_House|I'm not going to burn my house down.]]
 '''Max:''' Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming.
 '''Chris:''' I just want Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] If I burn my house down, then we— Then she won't have a place to come ''to''.
 '''Max:''' You have a point, you have a point. Chris, there is something— There is something...
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike. Stop it.

===Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)===
'''Max:''' Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the [[Mumble]]. Julie's going to talk to you there, it's important.
 '''Troll:''' Ten points.
 '''Troll:''' Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
 '''Troll:''' Augh, BlueSpike...
 '''Chris:''' No, unfortunately I cannot—
 '''Max:''' No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there!
 '''Chris:''' I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it—
 '''Max:''' Then use the PSEye, that's the only chance you have.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not— I'm gonna tell Julie. I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure it's you.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Fine.
 '''Max:''' Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the [[Wikipedia:PlayStation Eye|PSEye]], get the PSEye...
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, hang on.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna kick you in the PSEye if you don't shut up.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' You better, or I'm gonna have to drop your ass.
 '''Chris:''' No. Just...sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSEye. Alright?
 '''Max:''' Fine. Yes. And make sure that it works before you come in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' If I may say one thing, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm just trying to find— I'm just trying to...do a— I've just proven I can do most anything for my true love.
 '''Max:''' Alright, then, get in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm gettin'— Alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here.
 '''Max:''' Gonna kick you in the twist-tie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, then long silence''] Working on this.
 '''Max:''' What's on the [[TV]], Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I've just turned it on to the [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]], whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it, anyway. Alright, I'm tryin' for you— Tryin' to make this work. [''heavy sigh, then more silence''] Walter Grisby, do... I'm testing— I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in.
 '''Max:''' Does it work?
 '''Chris:''' [''snippy''] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware. It's waiting to find software for this hardware.
 '''Max:''' Software for the hardware?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. That's what I just said: software for the hardware.
 '''Max:''' Yes...
 '''Chris:''' The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software.
 '''Max:''' And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work: the ''Hey You, Pikachu!'' mike.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Still didn't hear you, what did you say?
 '''Max:''' And you don't have any other microphone that works?
 '''Chris:''' At this time, I do not.
 '''Max:''' You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Chris? Chris!
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' What're you doing, taking a dump?
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] No, I'm trying to turn my chair around so I can turn the volume down on the radio!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] You're so fuckin' whiny!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowned out by Max briefly''] ...behind me! It could— It could fall on to me any second!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I hope it does!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking sigh''] What's wrong now, Chrissy?
 '''Chris:''' [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it!]]
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Let me tell you something, I've still got the— I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts!
 '''Max:''' I wasn't... I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about asking you to burn your [[house]] down. I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' There.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Apology accepted?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes.
 '''Max:''' Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here! I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''sigh''] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad.
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not working fast enough!
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can't help this computer's speed!
 '''Max:''' Do you know how to get the mike working?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get a mike working!
 '''Max:''' I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying?
 '''Chris:''' [''whines''] I'm trying!
 '''Max:''' Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour.
 '''Chris:''' Hold on a second.
 '''Max:''' We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy.
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait...
 '''Max:''' Well, what're you going through? Audio Wizard?
 '''Chris:''' I got something working.
 '''Max:''' What would that be?
 '''Chris:''' A mike.
 '''Max:''' So, it's working?
 '''Chris:''' It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Julie will meet you there. [''suppressed laugh''] Goodbye.

===Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)===
'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, hi, hi. I'm gonna put my earphones on.
 '''Julie:''' Hi.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey!
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie?
 '''Julie:''' There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while...
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Julie:''' Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, yes, uh, go ahead and tell me now.
 '''Julie:''' Do you really wanna know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' [''sigh''] I can't, not right now.
 '''Chris:''' C'mon, please?
 '''Julie:''' No. I can't.
 '''Chris:''' Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you just now.
 '''Julie:''' Why, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart.
 '''Julie:''' Oooh, this is so hard for me to say.
 '''Chris:''' You love me, don't you?
 '''Julie:''' I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't... I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes?
 '''Female Troll:''' Blue, he's not there.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Fuuuuck!
 '''Troll:''' Give him some time.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Yeah, I-I came back now, I won— I wonder what happened there.
 '''Julie:''' I don't know, but this is... Can you talk with the [[fans]] for, like, five minutes? And then I'll tell you, please?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, could you...
 '''Julie:''' Actually, no. No, I'm ready to tell you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Julie:''' This whole time, Chris...you've been...
 '''BlueSpike:''' ...having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy, you sick fuck!
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. I'm a thirteen-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to [[Wikipedia:Chris Hansen|Chris Hansen]], you fuckin' [[pedofork]], so you better get the fuck out now—
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:'''—before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Now, wait a minute—
 '''BlueSpike:''' I'd hurry.
 '''Chris:''' I did not— I did not know you were a thirteen-year-old.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Fine, I'll lea—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me, Chris, now— No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait. Now, I'm— Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip. Now, I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] How do you explain...?
 '''BlueSpike:''' There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [''whispers''] She died five years ago. Who have you been talking to? A boy! Tell me, Chris. You know, I... Yes, please do speak.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, what do you want me to tell you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a thirteen-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do.
 '''Chris:''' [''shell-shocked monotone''] I do not.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me?
 '''Chris:''' I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you— If you really want your self-dignity... If you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' So, what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone?
 '''Chris:''' It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh''] Fine, how about this. I take a—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all. Clyde?
 '''Clyde:''' What up?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes... He finally found out he was - I expected a bit more of a shitstorm - that he's been having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy like a sick fuck.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[''mocking kiddie voice''] a [[boyfriend-free girl]]? Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number.
 '''Clyde:''' Hello, hello, Chris. On that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone. We were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But...
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, there is.
 '''BlueSpike:''' There ''was'', but she died.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, we'll have to go with the "died" part, she's real— She actually is in Ohio, but...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Let me tell you something, Chris. About the wildfires I told you about, I truly was the one who started them.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay. Now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing...
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, this is going kinda crazy. I mean, you sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that...
 '''Chris:''' I thought— I thought she— I thought...
 '''BlueSpike:''' How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' You just sound— I know what a woman sounds like! [''explosion of disbelief from all listeners'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, no, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up and let me talk to him. Shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want? Do you want your PSN back?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, c'mon, please?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, it's gonna be sold.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay. I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your [[PS3]]. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow, but it was all fake. It was all, all fake.
 '''Clyde:''' I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris...
 '''Clyde:''' [''talking over BlueSpike''] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker Shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole Internet life has been a lie. There are no ''Sonichu'' fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen?
 '''Chris:''' I'm listening.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me...
 '''Clyde:''' Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times. What is this, the ninth time so far?
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think it's the tenth, actually.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [''chorus of "JULAAY" from the trolls'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie. You disgust me...
 '''Clyde:''' And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty sad.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. "Gimme back my account, you fucking dick!"
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, you can appeal to your— What's left of your fans, at least...
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not crying!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you are, you pathetic fuck.
 '''Chris:''' I am not!
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike. You're a little too mean... Well, whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You're right. If I may inform you, Chris. I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase?
 '''Clyde:''' That is true, but there's also... Oh, yeah, that's hilarious! [[Anna]], by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it...
 '''Clyde:''' You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times... And you still believed...
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''mocking''] "I believe you, because I've heard your [[honest]] and true voice!"
 '''Chris:''' [''Sigh''] Goodbye.
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think we hurt him pretty bad.
 '''Troll:''' Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I...stop the recording now?
 [''Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem|''Duke Nukem'']] meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".'']
 '''Female Troll:''' Stop, stop, stop, stop... Can I stop recording?
 [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?75fhxy3n9yc1662 MP3 of the audio.]
*[http://db.tt/iDXSR3LV Mirror of MP3]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq9Lepe1xjs Youtube upload]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]][[Category: Julie Saga]]

Cole Smithey E-mails

2014-09-11T19:27:57Z

Missionfrog:

This page is a list of [[emails]] exchanged by [[Chris]] and his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] from March to July, [[2007]]. Notice that Cole's side of the conversation starts well-versed and polite, but prolonged exposure to Chris makes him obscene and mean-spirited. Not shockingly, it seems Chris (and the thought of Barbara) brings out the worst in him.

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 4, 2007

Remember your lil' bro.? It's me, Christian C. It's been a long while. I'm doing good. I graduated from [[PVCC]] with two [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] Degrees. And currently, I'm getting by with livin' with my folks and a [[monthly tugboat]]. [[Barbara|Mama]] is doing okay; she's been retired for like over a year now; she feels happier not having to rush back-and-forth through traffic and all that [[stress|hustle and bustle]]. But currently, she mostly sleeps on the couch during a bunch of the day, yet she does get up sometimes to go out with the family or do some work. We haven't seen much of our aunts either.

I have talked to mom, and I quote her when she said, "I do not regret giving life to Cole. We've had a bunch of good years up till the madness. And all things considered I still love Cole very much like any mother would for her son." She really does. :) And I have

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 6, 2007

It's very Christian of [[Barbara]] to not regret having given birth to me but I'm an [[Wikipedia:atheism|atheist]]. I also have no
regrets about emerging from her womb. Although, she is mistaken about the "bunch of good years"
we supposedly had together. I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former
stepfather [[Jerry]], where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings
to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults. The
treatment I received in [[Richmond]], Va was another matter altogether. To raise a child in such
conditions is inexcusable. Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They
were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather
not remember.

As for Barbara professing her "love" for me, I have not seen any evidence of it in close to 20 years,
and that's a very long time. Barbara's definition of love is [[CWC-isms|a hackneyed sentimental term she uses to
extract a response]]. Love is not something you say, it's something you do by staying in contact with
a person, visiting, communicating, asking questions and answering them. You will remember that in
the 16 years that I lived in California, Barbara only visited me one time. In the 11 years that I have
lived in New York, she has never visited me. 
In spite of the fact that it is always the parent's responsibility to guide their relationship with their
children, on several occasions I have gone beyond the call of duty to visit her. But I will never make
such an effort again.

The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates.

The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.

After lying to me about the identity of my father, Barbara refused to come clean and disclose the truth on the eve on my wedding. This might not sound much to you, but I assure you that I spent 15 years attempting to track down my real father with no help from the one person who could clear the air with a few words, your mother.

As it turns out, Barbara was never married to the man she swore was my real father (Jack Dale Smithey) and to whom she said she was married, but she was married to Ran Coleman Yeatts, a man who visited us when I was a child and who was always introduced as a "friend." I think the fact that Ran's middle name is "Coleman" tells you all you need to know about the true identity of my father. Realize here the double lie that Barbara told about who she had been married to. It's an example of pathological behavior.

Even in their handling of you when you were a child left alone everyday for years by an unfit baby sitter, Barbara and Bob proved themselves to be careless parents. Everyday of our lives, you and I both pay a price for our parents' selfishness. Bob and Barbara pay a bigger price. They are the lonely and tortured people that they imagined their enemies to be. That is a curse that I would not wish on my worst enemy, especially not my own family.

Yes, I have a great life living in New York City, seeing six movies a week and interviewing my heroes. I live with a wonderful women named Katherine, whose family treats me like one of their own. I play guitar in a Jazz combo every Wednesday night. I spend two weeks out of every year on the French Riviera at the [[Wikipedia:Cannes Film Festival|Cannes Film Festival]], and two weeks in California every [[Christmas]] with Katherine's family. I have everything that I have ever wanted except a mother's love.

The moral of the story here is that just because someone is a mother does not mean that they are automatically a good person or that they are capable of acting as a parent. When Barbara thinks of me every single day of her life, just as I think about her, she may not regret the many wasted days of opportunity she had to share a relationship with her first son. But she does regret the fact that the opportunity will never come again. The best she can hope for is to read every word that I write, in search of clues that will never come.

If you want a kick, Google my name and you'll see some of the many newspapers that run my stuff.

Go ahead and send your [[DVD]] to my address listed below. You and I may be related, but our mother only loves you.

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/20/07

I hope you're doing well.

Anyhoo, I have a small favor to ask of you, I have previously submitted a video for Playstation's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappea [''sic''] the Rapper contest]], and I am currently among the Top 10 Contestants. If I win the Grand Prize, I can take my [[Megan|Sweet Friend]] with me to the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, WA.

Please go to the (http://www.us.playstation.com/vote/parappatherapper/default.aspx ) Playstation Website's Voting Page, and Vote for me; I'm the Lucky 7th Video (the one with the Blue Guitar)
Thank you, and I hope you all are still doing well. :)

Take care;
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Before you ask any favors, you might want to consult your mother about the past 20 years of secrecy, neglect, avarice and coldness that have irreparably ruined her relationship with me.

Did Bob finally die?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Joseph Cole Smithey, while I have an understanding of most of the events in momma's past, I am a man who does not judge one in regards of such unpleasentries.

Besides which, [[ego|that is not the point]]; I have a chance to win a trip to Seattle, Washington, attend a big gaming event, possibly take a tour of [[Nintendo]] of [[America]] Inc, two [[PSP]]s with Parapper the Rapper [''sic''] games, and if I should win, I would take my sweet friend, [[Megan Schroeder]]. Although we are not yet on romantic conclusions, I still am fond of her and care about her very much.

I'm only requesting for a vote towards possible romance, towards [[Hanky-panky|a great gaming expierence]] [[Virgin with rage|I have not expierence before]], and towards potental great footage on my next [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC On TV" DVD]] that I will likely put together around my 50th or sooner.

On another topic, I have viewed your website numerous times, and I have enjoyed reading your well detailed reviews on the movies. I am looking forward to purchasing the DVDs for [[Wikipedia:Grindhouse (film)|Grindhouse]] (Planet Terror/Death Proof), [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]:Movie Film For Theaters, possibly [[Wikipedia:Spider-Man 3|Spider-Man 3]], and [[Transformers]] (I'm a total Autobot fan).

I hope you and your girlfriend are doing well and getting along, and I wish you two the best. And keep up the good work on your reviews. :)

Your Lil' Half bro;
Christian W. Chandler}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/23/07

I'll make a deal with you. You find out the identity of my real father from Barbara and e-mail me the person's name, and I will vote for you in your effort to travel to Seattle.

Deal?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Cool.

7/23/07

Well, okay. I just checked with our mother, with total confidence, and upon random remembering, I thought for a moment [[Barbara_Chandler#Ran_Coleman_Yeatts|"Ramblin'" Randy]]; boy was that a totally goofy misconception. Anyway, the name of your Biological father is '''Jack Dale Smithey'''.

Good luck finding anything about him on the web; he was (maybe is) a total [[alcohol|drunk]] and [[chris and hypocrisy|loser]]. The only good things that came about in that marrage, said our mother, was the fancy wedding (it was a real sister-pleaser, and it pleased our grandmother as well; may she rest in peace), the love feeling that was there for a while, and

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is not my biological father. Barbara lied to me in saying that she was married to Jack. However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, 1961. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman" that this man is my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

I'd also like to add that Barbara never said anything about ever being married to Ran Coleman Yeatts. I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to [[Jerry Harmon]] - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you. After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations, I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies.

Just FYI.
Cole}}

{{Email|
We have a problem.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is absolutely not my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.

Barbara lied in even saying that she was ever married to Jack Dale Smithey. There is no marriage license to support her claim and no marriage photos.

However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, [[1961]]. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman," that this man is my biological father. However, Barbara never spoke of this marriage and Ran was a frequent visitor to our house when I was young as a "friend of the family." I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to Jerry Harmon - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you? After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations. Needless to say, I really don't give a fuck about Barbara or about her fucking lies.

Regarding "drunk losers." Bob and Barbara met at a bar that my good friend Chuck McGuigan worked at as a bartender, at the time. He witnessed first-hand Barbara and Bob acting out as a couple of drunken losers. It was an ugly episode that Chuck remembers vividly. We still talk about it to this day. Check that information out with your parents.

You have to remember kid, I've been around a lot longer than you, and I know a lot more about Bob and Barbara than even they know I know. Good luck.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since 1997
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate}}

{{Email|
Re: We have a problem

7/24/07

Have you started to wonder why it is that you have this "misconception" about who my father. I would submit that since Barbara was never married to Jack, and my name "Cole" matches up with the middle name of the man she never told you she was actually married to (I have proof right here in my hand) Ran Coleman Yeatts.

Your mother has spun a wicked web of lies, and she is the only one who can sort them out. As I told you, I don't give a fuck about her lies. I'm not so interested as to seek out and pay for an expensive DNA test to tell me what I already know -- that Jack Dale Smithey is not my father.

Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since [[1997]]
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate
National, International, Regional Print and Online Media
Daily, Weekly, Monthly and Bi-Monthly Print Media

STAFF FILM EDITOR for London's montly "THE LOCAL MAG"
Member of OFCS (Online Film Critics Society) since 2005

125 E 90th Street #3B
New York NY 10128

Important Note: This e-mail may contain privileged, undisclosed or otherwise confidential information. If you have received this e-mail in error, you are hereby notified that any review, copying or distribution of it is strictly prohibited. Please inform me immediately and destroy the original transmittal. Thank you for your cooperation.}}

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 [[March 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG
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Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-23.PNG|23 [[July 2007]] email
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{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Emily

2014-09-09T14:46:59Z

Missionfrog:

[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

'''Emily Julia Schifflet'''<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)]]</ref> is [[Chris]]'s onetime [[sweetheart]] with whom he went on a date. The date memorably ended in disaster when he was trolled IRL by a [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man dressed like a pickle.]].

Emily's identity is zealously guarded by her friends, but needless to say, we can tell you she's female and has great legs. Some argue she's Asian, but those people are probably [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Chris's first date==
In [[2009#March|March 2009]], shortly after [[Julie]] turned out to be a thirteen-year-old boy, Chris vowed that he would return to his real-life exploits of [[Attraction Sign|stalking women in public places]] in order to gain his [[sweetheart]]. Emily, a journalism student and head of the [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter at [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|West Virginia University]] (and totally not a [[troll]]), decided to take Chris up on his offer and asked if he'd liked to go out to lunch sometime.

Chris actually stood up Emily the first time, on 16 [[March 2009]], because he was so [[stress|stressed]] from his parents arguing over whether she was real or not. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] believed that Emily was sincere and truly wanted to meet Chris, while [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] was more suspicious. Chris's small mind could not handle two simultaneous arguments and so he didn't go.<ref>[[Apology to Emily]]</ref> Emily was pissed off about this and demanded that Chris reschedule. Chris agreed and a new date was set.

When Chris finally did meet up for the date (on 19 March 2009 at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]), he brought his 81-year-old father, [[Bob Chandler]] along. Yes, he brought his dad on his first date. [[prom|At least it wasn't his mother.]]

Chris would later confide to Ivy that he was very proud that he did not soil himself when the Pickle Man appeared.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

===Kiss fail===
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|For reference, this is Chris in his kissing stance.]]

{{quote|Well, when I was going to ditch him for [[Man in the Pickle Suit|the man in the picklesuit]], Chris had his arm extended like he wanted a hug. So I was like, "sure, whatever" and was just going to give him a half assed hug. Lord, what a dumb move. I'm a small girl, so I have narrow shoulders. His [[Mass debating|large fucking arm]] basically weighed down around my neck over my shoulder and tightening, and what I could see in the corner of my eye was Chris puckering his lips and his face moving closer to mine. I did a [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|duck and turn]] to avoid it. If I seriously turned my head to get a better look, he may have well have gotten my lips. I wonder if that was what Chris was going for; the surprise kiss on the lips when the girl turns her head. Too bad that only works in [[anime]] and [[Netflix|movies]]. [[Liquid Chris|Or really suave guys]].|Emily}}

===Video===

This short clip contains the only footage known to exist.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|cl2LUzQYQMM}}</center>

==Date conversation transcript==

''See [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]].''

==Post-date conversation transcript==

'''Clyde:''' Sorry.
 '''Chris:''' What's up?
 '''Emily:''' I think we need to talk.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Emily:''' Becau— It's not me, Chris. It's you. And, you know, I was just thinking about yesterday. I really didn't appreciate you, like, [[Megan|touching]] me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Emily:''' I di— I didn't appreciate you, like, constantly touching me, okay? You'd, like, just met me, and you were touching me constantly.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I'm sorry.
 '''Emily:''' [''interrupting''] I mean, you should never do that to a woman on, like, you know, one that you just met. And especially when you try, like... You tried to kiss me, okay? That's not right at all.
 '''Chris:''' I'm so sorry, I was a little nervous. I was nervous, a little bit.
 '''Emily:''' Why would you try to kiss somebody when— If you're nervous? I mean, I thought, like, people would be nervous and ''not'' try to kiss somebody.
 '''Chris:''' I don't—
 '''Emily:''' But anyways. Let me tell you about—
 '''Chris:''' Anyway.
 '''Emily:''' You'll probably ne— You'll probably never hear from me again, Chris, because The Pickle Man was just— He was a perfect gentleman, okay? He, like, took me out on a date and paid for my movie, and, like, since he kept his hands off of me, he got, like, a little extra ''extra'' from me, and that could have been you, Chris. Okay? So— And then he took me to meet Clyde, and Clyde's, like, a perfect gentleman as well. So, I'm going to be living in his mansion from now on.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Anyway, did you get back to West Virginia okay?
 '''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I didn't exactly go back to West Virginia; I'm going to be living with Clyde now, with, uh, with [[Julie]], and [[Blanca]], and [[Sarah]], and everyone else, Chris. Do you understand?
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Emily:''' Like, like, since... You don't understand, like, all the women that you've mistreated in the past, they're living with Clyde because he is rehabilitating them.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... I see... [''pause''] Well, I don't know what to say.
 '''Emily:''' So, do you have anything else to say?
 '''Chris:''' Umm... Well, this is the, uh... Well, uh, all I can say is, uh, I’m sorry about if you feel— If you feel— If I— That if I mistreated you, and, uh, somewhat, if you— If you felt like I, uh, did wrong.
 '''Emily:''' Because I don't know why— Why you have, like against, like, these men in the...pickle suits or whatever. Because he was just a guy in a pickle suit. I don’t understand, like, what was so, like, threatening about him. And apparently, you, like, called the cops on him? I mean, what did he do wrong? How you gotta report him? Saying that, like, a guy in a pickle suit's, like, stole your date.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I think in the past, uh, there, uh, yeah, Guy in The Pickle Suit posed as, uh, Blanca.
 '''Emily:''' But, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' And, uh...
 '''Emily:''' You, like, didn’t know this guy, and you’re already passing judgment on him, and you’re already, like… You passed judgment on thi— On Clyde, okay? Clyde’s like, the nicest guy ever, okay? He is, like… He is gonna be, like, taking care of me for the rest of the li— Rest of my life. ‘Cause he is loaded with cash.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Emily:''' Hence why his last name is "Cash".
 '''Chris:''' I see. Well, anyway, uh, if that’s what you want, uh, I can’t, uh, force you or anyth— Or anything else. So, uh—
 '''Emily:''' But, Chris, you should be careful [''Chris overlapping, indistinct'']. But you should be careful, Chris, on, like, all the women that you encounter, you better make sure that you treat them properly, do not touch them on the first date; [[Women's rights|don’t try to fucking kiss them]], and, you know, you’ll have no problems, but if you do, you know, the pickle men will come and take them away, and take them to Clyde, and he is gonna take care of them for the rest of their lives as well.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Alright. Okay. Alright, well, you— You take care of yourself.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, why don't you take care of yourself, too, Chris, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.

''For the second part of this audio, which is unrelated to Emily, see [[Hooker_incident|The Hooker Incident]].''

==Hindsight==
On 17 [[April 2009]], a [[white knight]]/counter-troll named Harbal revealed to Chris by email that Emily was a troll and that she wore a wire during her date with Chris. In said email, Chris was also directed to audios of his conversations with Emily on the website of [[The Miscreants]].<ref>[[White knight E-mails#17 April 2009 — Harbal]]</ref> On 31 [[August 2009]], Chris mentioned learning from the The Miscreants's website that Emily wore a wire during their date,<ref>[[Kacey Call 24]]</ref> suggesting that he did not ignore Harbal's email.

An individual named Emily is referred to in several chats from the [[Vanessa Saga]]. During [[Vanessa AIM Chat 6]], [[Vanessa AIM Chat 8]] and [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9]] (conducted on 21, 27 and 30 [[April 2009]] respectively) Chris was simultaneously instant messaging this Emily and chatting with [[Joshua Martinez]] (posing as [[Vanessa Hudgens]]). In Vanessa AIM Chat 8, Chris mentions having met this Emily and also says that she has a bodyguard (the reason for this is not specified). It is unknown whether or not this Emily is the same person as the Emily who met Chris in Charlottesville Fashion Square.

All the references to the Emily from the Vanessa saga came after Harbal's email. Therefore, if we assume that two Emilys are indeed the same, an explanation is needed as to why Chris continued being in contact with her despite Harbal's warning. It may that be it took a while for Chris to come to terms with the information that was sent to him. Harbal also told Chris that Ivy was a troll, and yet Chris continued being in contact with her afterwards.<ref>[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]</ref>

Emily may have been referenced by Chris In [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|episode 19]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]. The [[dating education]] class on which the story focuses has a student named Emily Ryan and a student named Fred Shiflet, whose last name is the same as that of Emily. In the final exam of Date Ed Fred gets a 91 and Emily gets an 82.<ref>''[[Sonichu 9]]'', pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_5 5], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_29 29]/</ref> Emily and Fred receiving good grades might suggest that Chris's view of Emily was not completely negative when he made episode 19.

On the other had, in the [[CWCipedia]] article [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], which Chris wrote on 19-20 [[April 2010]],<ref>See the articles's [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Gal-Pals_and_Past_Sweethearts&action=history revision history].</ref> Emily name is nowhere mentioned. The discrepancy might be explained by the fact that episode 19 was finished on 12 [[April 2009]],<ref>[[CWC Update 12 April 2009]]</ref> prior to Harbal's email, while Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts was written long afterwards.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?gng0nnylr15nd3a Post-date Conversations]

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

List of Chris's lies

2014-09-05T14:40:33Z

Missionfrog: /* Chris's lies */

{{Protip|STOP PIPING TO "LIE" AS IT IS EXTREMELY OVER-PIPED. Try piping to something more specific and only pipe to "Lie" when nothing else works. The "Fail" article has been deleted as a result of being overpiped, and you certainly don't want this article to be deleted as well.}}

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], lying during the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face. This trait was likely inherited from his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]], whose dishonesty [[Cole Smithey E-mails|was described]] by [[Cole Smithey]] as "pathological".

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. [[CWC_Update_26_January_2009|going to Redmond]]). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Rule 34]] of [[Megan Schroeder]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and HONEST]].

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence. The end result is a compulsive liar who is about as sly as a two-year-old who has been caught with both hands in the proverbial cookie jar screaming his head off about how he wasn't trying to steal anything whilst bits of cookie fly out of his mouth.

As of recently, Chris has taken to calling his lying "misspeaking". Instead of accepting that someone has busted him on his BS, he prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this new ploy.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==
* Chris claims that Patti's dog house weighs "[[Father Call|like, five, ten tons]]". In the same call he claimed that mowing the lawn was a demanding physical chore for him, despite using a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawnmower]] to do it.
* In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that [[nudes|nude]] photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat #2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
* For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet, if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]], where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> He even said that they had a date together at Taco Bell and shared his first kiss with her. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13|Mailbag #13]], he says that he has "no recollection of a Chloe."
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
* Chris claims he jogs regularly for more than 20 seconds, [[Sonichu's Edge|despite proving he is incapable of doing so.]]
* Chris [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|claimed]] that he was kicked out of class because he was autistic, when the [[Jackie_Chat_5|real reason]] was him making a homophobic (and racist) comment in front of everyone.
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
* When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
* Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely. Possibly, Chris was mistaken, as he can be [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] sometimes.
* In an e-mail,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] - "Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, 'I Love You' to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me."</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
* He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
* Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
* Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge|''SingStar'' Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the ''SingStar'' Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
* Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]].
* Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's ''SingStar'' Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
* In [[Mailbag 14|Mailbag #14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
* In [[Mailbag 25|Mailbag #25]], Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the Internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
* Chris began receiving e-mails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
* In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
* On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
* During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also, during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
* Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first." Episode #17, which was written long before ''Asperchu'' even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
* When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with ''Sonichu''; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|video game]] about ''[[Sonichu]]'', nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
* Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and, in fact, complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
* Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the Internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into The GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
* Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about The Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths, and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and The Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally...[[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a.) [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b,) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c.) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
* In [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the U.S. military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original e-mail. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
* In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
* Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
* In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|an e-mail exchange with Jackie]], he claims his [[Duck|penis]] is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
* Chris told [[Vivian Gee]] that he read her book, ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', when, in reality, he gave it to [[Rocky Shoemaker|his pastoral counselor]], and never touched it beyond that.<ref>[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]</ref>
* In the [[Miyamoto emails]], Chris claims he never sexually harassed [[Megan Schroeder]], despite drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], and Megan repeatedly having told Chris to stop touching her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007]]</ref>
* On the [[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia]] forum, he said that if homosexuals 'kept it behind closed doors', he wouldn't bother them. Aside from his well-known issues with [[Homos]], his comic states that if he had the power, he'd constantly [[Magi-Chan|be on the lookout for homosexual activity]], and punish them to suit.
* In [[You're Always Pretty]], Chris told his mother he was taking pictures of her, when he was really video taping her.
* When Chris informed his [[mother]] that he [[PS3#Destruction|destroyed his PS3]], he told her that the machine was already malfunctioning before he smashed it to bits. In reality the PS3 was still operational when Chris decided to put it out of use.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref>
* When he held the [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|lemonade stand]], he claimed that his father died of cancer, when it fact, he died of complications from heart failure. However, this could just be Chris assuming [[Bob]] died of cancer because he had it (at least at one point), and not taking time to look into his actual cause of death.
* Chris told [[Jackie]] in an email that he has grown tolerant of the [[HEXBox|Xbox 360]] and respects those who own one, but recently in 2013, Chris went back on his word by defacing a display for the Xbox One at his local [[Mal-Wart|Walmart]], thus proving that his bizarre hatred for the HEX-BOX is still strong.
* Despite Chris' obvious morbid [[Obesity|obesity]], he has always lied about his weight, being evasive and giving numbers that are more consistent with [[Chris and reality|his own delusional self image than reality]]. As early as [[February 2010]], Chris admitted that he had at one point weighed more than 220 pounds. On Facebook on 4 January 2014, he claimed that he [[Obesity#Actual weight|weighed only 202 pounds]], despite his obvious sagging, triple chin visible in his profile picture. Users of the CWCki forums generally speculated that, based on the photographic evidence, he was probably underestimating his own weight by at least 60 pounds.

{{Lists}}

==Sources==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation

2014-09-02T15:13:06Z

Missionfrog:

The '''CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation''' is a set of videos that [[Chris]] released in hopes of selling the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] franchise to investors. Note that "Personal Sonichu Presentation" can be shortened to [[PSP]].

Chris imagines that he is speaking directly to "businesspeople" who might back the commercial development of [[Sonichu]]. In the first video, he delivers a brief history of his character's creation, and also displays a few Sonichu-related objects in addition to his comics and his famous medallion, including crude clay sculptures of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] and a "[[Sonic]] versus Sonichu" racing board game. He concludes by claiming that he plans to complete between 50 and 100 ''Sonichu''' comics in his lifetime (if Chris keeps up his pace as of late [[2009]], he will have reached the minimum goal in 2029, when he'd be 47–48 years old, living alone and still a perverted virgin man-child, [[Chris and Health|if he's lucky enough to still be living]]).

The second video is substantially less coherent. Chris loses the plot as far as attempting to sell his character and settles down to [[Ego|narcissistic wallowing in his supposed personal achievements and his fantasies of a vast international ''Sonichu'' fandom.]] He spends several minutes showing off fan [[art]] submitted by [[trolls]], all of which is unsurprisingly far better than anything Chris himself could ever dream of drawing. He also seems to have revived his old dreams of a [[Pokémon]] video game or trading card expansion starring [[Sonichu]], which suggests he has forgotten the conclusion of the [[Miyamoto Saga]] or managed to actively push those events out of his mind.

Perhaps his most impressively deluded fantasy involves the prospect of a Sonichu animated series. He believes that [[Sony]] would be interested in developing the show, that the [[Adult Swim|Cartoon Network]] would be interested in broadcasting the show, and that he would direct and star as the voice of himself and Sonichu. (He briefly shows off his "Sonichu voice," an almost indistinguishably higher-pitched version of his normal voice.)

As usual, Chris displays a shocking lack of awareness concerning the actual commercial viability of his character. (Hint: it has none.) He also, once again, fails to realize that giving out your home address, home phone number, mobile phone number and other key bits of personal information in a video that's publicly available on [[YouTube]] is not such a hot idea.

In addition to uploading the videos to YouTube, Chris also made a page for these presentations on the [[CWCipedia]]. He also attempted to upload the follow-up PowerPoint presentation videos, but failed, possibly because either the video files were corrupt or he actually thought .ppt files were video files compatible with YouTube.

This video marks the last video appearance of Chris's "Classic" shirt, which has since been destroyed in the [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27_House|2014 house fire.]]

Animator [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Harry Partridge]] has called this his favorite Chris-chan video.<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HzyWEXmyqMA}}
| stardate = 23 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[14 November 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation#Part 2|CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 2]]
}}
{{quote|Very famous. Very, very famous.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''The song ''Sonic Boom'' is playing on the PS3 behind Chris, at times loud enough to make Chris hard to understand.''] Mmm. HELLO, w—hello there muh-business people! Welcome to world of [[CWCville]], Virginia, [''Chris fidgets with his [[Medallion of Fail]]''] and the world of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. My name is [[Christian Weston Chandler]] of [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], [[14 Branchland Court]], ZIP code 22968. And, uh, my home phone number is (434) 990-0198, my cell phone being 760-0848.

Anyway, I am here today to talk to you about d—revolutionary geh—leviloutionary lil' character that WILL [''jump cut''] pah, uh—will make a lot of [[money]], because he's already been innernet-famous fer about 20—fer almost 10 years now. [''pulls out a [[Scrapbook of Fail|Sonichu binder]] and holds it up to the camera''] His name is Sonichu. The l'il, real Electric Hedgehog [[Pokémon]] right here. [''points to Sonichu on cover of [[Sonichu 0|Issue 0]], then starts to put away the binder''] You'll find out more about him. You can learn more about him and read [''holds the binder back up to the camera''] the comic books—comic book pages I've written—I've drawn and written so far [''puts the binder away this time''] on [[CWCipedia]], which, uh, the address to that would be next to this [[YouTube]] video in da details.

Anyway, we are here t—t—anyway yeah. His or—his origin is basically... yeah, first off, uh, we have to c—look at the—my big BOOK here. [''pulls out a different, giant binder''] Look how big that book is. [[Pickle|So thick]], I had to get ANOTHER BOOK. [''hefts a second equally huge binder''] Heh. [''sets second binder down'']

Anyway, [''sets giant binder down and opens it''] it all s—[''video skips''] Anyway, uh... upon the cre—uh, upon the physical—upon the mental creation of Sonichu, it originally came to me, because, for one—for a computer graphics class back in high school, I had to create a CD cover for... [''wipes his forehead with his sleeve''] a CD that's, uh, was not to be sold anywhere, but, anyway. Made for fun, but—so, I drew up a...—a—this—this CD cover right here [''holds up a binder page showing [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]''] and this—this—this was Sonichu's first a—forst official appearance. Front and back on the ins—on the insert. If, anyway, uh, basically, [''video skips''] the—uh, the idea came to me, like, you know, yeah, I wanted to use Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu on the cover of my CD, but they're both copyrighted characters, and previously-copyrighted characters were not allowed. So, uh, after lunch, uh, during that same day, in da [[Manchester High School]] with my teacher Miss Naelie Chalifoux, thank'a very much, I have...—it just dawned upon me, with, uh, merging together, in combination of the two, and then Sonichu was born.

Now that and then [[homos|in da but]] storywise, he was born—he—he was born amidst the, uh, s—sitcha—situation in [[Station Square]] whereas portray—previous portrayed in the ''Sonic Adventure'' game, available on Dreamcast and Nintendo GameCube. Ay—yeah, but during the battle, the Chaos Monster, Super Sonic, ran into a spystanding Pikachu and, uh, transformed in—into Sonichu... as that was also—as the origins also described in the ''Number Zero'' book on the—on the CWCipedia.

[''reaches for glasses, then reconsiders and wipes his forehead with his arm'']

Now, the, uhh...—now, Sonichu's appeal—Sonichu and Rosechu's appeal: yeah, mainly, the, uhh, appeal was... t—aimed towards children... and, uhh, there was the start of the books, there. We got little toys here, I put togetter. Even a—even a board game, where we put the boards... right here. Sonic vs. Sonichu, a little racing-type game, but it's a l'il—it's a little bit Monopoly-style, with game ca—with, uhh, cards that you pick up... uhn, and shortcuts. Anyway, that is, uhh, part of the, uhh, merchandising thing that I plan on branching out with... in the world of Sonichu, eventually. As, uhh, p—as portrayed—as previously-mentioned in a YouTube video, I have the official registration copyright of Sonichu... and Rosechu and the C-uh-CWCville, in my—in my own name, and that—and that is also accessible on the CWCipedia: the scan of that... actual piece of paper that came from the Virginia Library of Congress.

[''opens binder and sighs'']

Anyway, yeah, I got a ''whole'' bunch of history here. All my history. It comes, like, you know, from creation... with, uhh...—to making, uhh, to a whole bunch of stories, and whatnot...—and even, uhh, made a title(?)... for it in my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], which was, uhh—which I believe I told Nintendo of America about... in a previous letter or two. Anyway, yeah, it was—it was very—it was very lucrative, and... we do plan on branching out even on DVD, of, like, on my live DVD that's called [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC... Christian Weston Chandler... That's Me. Yep, I'm on TV!'']] Uhh, C-''Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on TV!'' That's the name of the DVD. So, if it comes out on DVD, [[Chris and reality|I hope to get it on... Blu-ray, as well]]. And, also, I've created the, uhh—a couple of Sonich—a, uhh, level S—for Sonichu, on ''[[Little Big Planet]]'', Sony—on Sony [[PlayStation 3]]... which, uhh, is called "Sonichu Episode 0". You can look it up; my [[PSN]] ID is ''Sonichu'': S-o-n-i-c-h-u. ...Anyway, e—e—following this, uhh, video... there will be a... video where, uhh... it will be presented live from my PC: a PowerPoint presentation that can better describe... the situation. Anyway, with the count of books, I plan—I plan on drawing, at least, in my lifetime, hopefully, between fifty to a hundred books.

==Part 2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R4ATvhScVms}}
| stardate = 23 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation#Video|CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu Powerpoint]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''Picking up where the first video left off.'']

By which, uh, definitely more will be a re—a ra—around Sonichu, after I, which I have dubbed myself the [[CWCville|Mayor of CWCville]], in this glorious shopping, this glorious two-story [[CWCville Shopping Center|shopping mall]], ah, that is glorious. I actually have, uh, plans that I have, uh, made in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]], which I will present through this video, near the end of it—near the end of this video.

[''He begins flipping through a thick three-ring binder.'']

Anyway, yeah, got a whooole bunch of stuff here. Yeah, we can definitely franchise 'n' all this, you know. Even ideas of a ''Pokémon: Lightning Version'', where players can catch Sonichu and Rosechu in the wild, even breeding them to make the other individual Electric Hedgehog characters that are—have been portrayed in the book, such as Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, and Magi-Chan, among others that have also been created as well, due—due—due to, you know, processes of the evolution stones, and daytime/nighttime evolutions, friendship, all that good stuff. All in the—the files here, including their little baby forms Sonee and Rosey, to evolutions from original Sonichu and Rosechu....

[''He displays the Sonichu and Rosechu figures again.'']

...[[Metonic]] and [[Vamprosa]]. Those characters are also featured on the [[CWCipedia]]. At least on Sonichu's page; I'm planning on making a page for Rosechu herself on that note. But, anyway, This—this—this Sonichu franchise, it has a biiig number of fans. I even have a number of fan submissions. Like, this here is a draw—is a piece of fan art that came from a girl I knew in Australia.
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|right|[[PandaHalo]]'s fanart, which serves as the cover of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].]]
[''He holds up the picture, presumably from [[PandaHalo]], to the camera.'']

And that's a postcard sent from her, right there. She, uh, also, uh, created a Sonichu and Rosechu that's featured in the ''Number Nine'' book I'm currently drawing. They go by the name of [[Chloe]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu|Blazebob]].

[''Chris turns around the file revealing another piece of art.'']

Anyway, also, on the flip side of this page is from somebody else. It's possibly the best Sonichu fan art ever. Look at that. That's gonna be the cover of the, uh, the first book that's just based on Sonichu, which'll definitely be after ''Number Ten''...

[''He turns around the picture to display Panda's image.'']

...which this one will be the cover of.

[''He looks at the other image again.'']

Hm. This one came from, uh, "Zorah Q. Zowild," that's his YouTube name. Yeah, also, you know, I've received fan art in the snail mail, those are printed off the internet. Like this lovely one.
[[Image:AllisonSonichuRosechu.jpg|thumb|"And from that, you know, that's, you know, she could have done a little better like, you know, like Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her"]]
[''He holds up a drawing of Sonichu and Rosechu in formal wear.'']

That came from, uh, that came from a lovely woman named Allie, in Sun Valley, California. Thank you. Thank you very much. And from that, you know, that's, you know, she could have done a little better like, you know, like Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her. But, still, drew my own version of it.

[''He holds up a crude imitation of the previous drawing.'']
[[Image:CWCsEloquateSonichuandRosechu.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's "superior" version of Allie's drawing.]]
Heh, heh. Isn't that fun? Oh, of course, local art, in Charlottesville, an art—an artist did a caricature of me.

[''He turns around the file to display the caricature.'']

I included that in the ''Number Nine'' book on a billboard.

[''He holds up one more piece of art.'']

Here's another fun piece of fan art. It comes from, uh... B.C. Uh, okay, I can't, uh, Vancouver, B.C. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. [[Chris and reality|Very famous. Very, very famous.]] Yep. Uh, this one's just a fan letter from a... from a [[BlueSpike|Julie in Ohio]].

[''He holds up an image, but the high contrast of his video renders it impossible to make out.'']

Here's a little piece of fan art from a, uh, from someone who's possibly, uh, Japanese. Who lives in [[Virginia]]. And also, recently, this guy here, uh, Jason Darling...thank you very much; I got your package.

[''He holds up a folder of photographs.'']

He made a replica of my [[medallion]], which in them, which, you know, this one here is the original that I made myself from my own hands, from Crayola Model Magic and acrylic paints. In the comic books this allows me to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu. Which, that is described in the comic book pages as reposed in the CWCipedia. Also sent me a pack of Maple Story cards, so again, thank you Jason. I appreciate your encouragement, as well as everybody else's. Anyway, uh... hmm... yeah, I picked up a—also received a fan CD from a—from a, uhh... BK Jones in Texas. Oh, here's anutter—here's anutter fun one that's recent. Look at this envelope. Isn't that... cute? That's fun. And then they did a computer art... over there. This came all the way from... Portland... Oregon, I believe it is. And, uhh, I got various other... fan letters in—in this page. Uhh, I'd pull 'em out, but, you know, they're in—I just left them in their envelopes. Nope, fan art dere.

But, anyway, also, aside from that, uhh... I have definitely—I have definitely made a set of trading—'kay, this is my [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon trading cards]]... which I, uhh, used—which I keep at home for art's sake. A whole heck—got, like—whole—a ''whole lot'' of them here. This could definitely branch out... And a very ''profitable'' thing, both for between Nintendo and Sega, and also with Son—also possibly with Sony, with, uhh—you know, with the a—also with, uhh, the anime show that maybe—maybe Cartoon Network and their people could help me out on... eh, when tha—when that TV show gets run. Where I'll voic—where I will be happy to—where I will be the ''director'', and I will be voicing myself as Sonichu. Listen to the difference: okay, this is me, Christian Weston Chandler, and this will be Sonichu: [''clearly taking after [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEIpeZFUnJE George] by not changing his voice whatsoever''] Hey, Rosechu! Let's go out and zap to the extreme! We got some bad guys to defeat! Come on, let's go! Yeah!

[''quietly musing over his own amazing degree of fail''] Hmm... odd, but... [''recovered from the shock, back at normal volume''] anyway, uhh, running low on time. Uhh, just a couple of, uhh, other things of interest: uhh, Sonichu was also previously featured in May, 2004, in this issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine, in "The Crossing Quarterly"... with a, uhh, submission from my ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game—for Nintendo GameCube, currently also available in—in other titles on DS and Nintendo Wii. And, also, uhh—and, shortly after that, it was featured... in a newsletter at the Piedmont Virgi—at the local [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]... among, uhh, other... published things. Also, uhh, when the, uhh, Sonic website was owiginawwy—was just CWCSonichu site, I had my own [[Sonichu's News Dash|News Dash newsletters]]. That lasted a short while... Hmm. Actually, uh, yeah, but any—yeah, but, anyway, everybody knows on the CWCipedia, so....

[''sigh'']

Anyway, here: I'll show you the, uhh, just the, uhh, whole layout of the CWCville Shopping Center. I actually have all these... printouts from... my... [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and cla—cla—Computer-Aided Drafting and Design classes]], but this is the last one, right before I graduated from Piedmont Virginia College. hen my degree and certificate in Commu—Computer-Aided Drafting and Design. It's very—it's very good. I mean, I would just imagine this in real life. It would even have a Pokémon Center in there, like the one in New York used to have, before it turned into a Nintendo World, USA. It shoulda stayed a ''Pokémon Center''! Now, that was definitely better appeal than just... Nintend—than just Nintendo, even though, yes, Nintendo... has the rights and everything, but... it was ''the Pokémon Center''! I mean... le—if the CWC—if the CWCville Shopping Center does get built... let's agree to put a Pokémon Center in it. And it has a Mayor's Office... right here, above the... front of—up above the main front entrance of the building... which is as portrayed in the comic book series. Aaand a whole buncha... other stuff I have, uh, here. It's just side-...stuff from... my... life, and whatever.

Anyway, uhh... uhh, pretty much, uhh, take care of it for, uhh, this par—for this portion of the, uhh, video, [''removes glasses''] so the next video to follow this one will be the... [''taps table''] PowerPoint presentation, so I will be reading audioly—I will be reading from that and pointing the camera toward the PC, [''quietly and unconfidently''] thank you. [''gives a half-assed Cub Scout salute'']

So... to Nintendo and Sega and Sony and all the other companies interested in... franchising with me here: [''gives another half-assed Cub Scout salute''] I await your call to my home phone... number or my cell phone.

Thank you very much, and have a [''gives ANOTHER half-assed [[Chris's mannerisms|Cub Scout salute]]''] ''pleasant day''!
{{References}}
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Presentations}}
{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[14 November 2009]]|nextlink=[[Sonichu Powerpoint]]|}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-23]]

CWC Fighter

2014-09-02T14:58:15Z

Missionfrog:

"'''CWC Fighter'''" is a video from 18 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris Chan]] shows us his (lack of) martial arts technique.

A riding lawnmower can be seen next to [[Son-chu]] in the background, which implies that the strenuous yard work Chris complains about in the [[Father Call]] is, in fact, not strenuous at all.

==Video==
{{quote|Watch It, I have a little [[Wikipedia:Chun-Li|Chun-Li]] within me.|Official description}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Fighter
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IXMP1XmD-cg}}
| stardate = 18 [[August 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]
| next = [[One Blessing, and One Curse]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A camera is pointed at the back of Chris's [[Son-chu|blue stationwagon]] parked in the [[14 Branchland Court|yard]]. A riding [[Father Call|lawnmower]] is visible. Chris walks into the frame, [[Chris and fashion|dressed]] in a bright red T-shirt with an undersized denim vest and blue jeans. He also wears his [[Medallion of fail|Sonichu medallion]]. He stands, legs apart, hands clasped in front of him, eyes closed as if in prayer. He is possibly [[Chris and religion|invoking]] some kind of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|ungodly power]]. He brings his hands to his sides, and with a crazed look he swings his right arm backwards. Aiming to either side of his body, he makes an upwards, poking motion with his left hand, then his right. His fingers are fully extended. He does the same thing, except straight ahead. He punches the air and twirls around, his back to the camera. He makes an awkward spinning kick and recovers ungracefully. He kicks at the air with his other leg, arms akimbo and head cocked to one side. He takes a step back and does two pitiful punching motions aimed at nowhere in particular. He attempts an uppercut and fails horribly at it, vaguely resembling a [[Chris Loses It|wounded animal]]. Chris punches some more air in random directions, but with much, much less force than when he started 20 seconds ago. Chris crouches down and does a very, very slow spinning kick where that looks particularly ineffectual. Chris returns to the camera, flashes a victory sign, and states:'']

I've got a little Chun-Li, withiiiiin me.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = FALCCCCCCCCCONNNNNNN CHRIS
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GS_z-kM64rM}}
| stardate = 20 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/puppetchaos puppetchaos]
| subject = CWC Fighter
| type = (VGM) Remix
| info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Ballet
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YKXtDWOuL4U}}
| stardate = 21 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ohhhmyaxels OhhhMyAxels]
| subject = CWC Fighter
| type = ?????
| info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = SUPER CWC FIGHTER 2 ALPHA: THE THIRD STRIKE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Uy2z-fi9yec}}
| stardate = 10 [[September 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PhallusKnifeFight PhallusKnifeFight]
| subject = CWC Fighter
| type = | info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan can swim.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vSkP9E_6bMw}}
| stardate = 25 [[May 2010]]
| maker = TheMammothWasHere
| subject = CWC Fighter
| type = | info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Fighter ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sMT5Xb6IshE}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| subject = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
| type = | info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CCR: Chris Chan Revolution
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bVkzCzTh-7o}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2010]]
| maker = GoldPlatedDildo
| subject =
| type =
| info = DDR Remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Nothing Keeps the Troll Hunter Down
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q6Q96v5eP0Y}}
| stardate = 27 [[November 2010]]
| maker = TheHunterOfTrolls
| subject =
| type =
| info = Our new enemy?
}}

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Chan Lee|Wikipedia article on Chris Chan Lee]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]|nextlink=[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-18]]