CWCki - User contributions [en]

2016

2017-01-02T15:18:33Z

Monotreme: Grammar fix

{{quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.|[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|Chris, in August.]]
}}

{{quote|Too bad [Hitler] died|[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Hitler and the Autobots|Chris, in September.]]
}}

{{quote|Someone, Anyone, PLEASE, take a sniper rifle and kill Trump; shoot him in the head like the impulsive, non-thinking, uncaring Zombie that he is.|[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated|Chris]], in November.
}}

'''2016''' was the eighth year of organized trolling.
It is a year that brought us the following things:

- The further degeneration of Chris's hair. Due to a mix of neglect and his traditional lack of self respect, his [[hair|hair]] now resembles a dying, green dish rag [[Chris and health|which only emboldens his rapidly-receding skullet.]]

- Fought with, then eventually made up with...and then fought with again, [[CWC's Adult Chronicles|Jeff O.]] on the issue of selling Sonichu merchandise.

- Chris apologizing to males with Asperger's.

- Chris began and quickly ended his GameStop embargo because it accomplished nothing.

-Chris began sending death threats once again, this time to [[Donald Trump]]

==January==
{{main|January 2016}}
[[File:0116.png|thumb|Chris in January]]
Chris [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.|advertised a lesbian sleepover]] and conducted [[CatKnight Interview|an interview]].

==February==
{{main|February 2016}}
[[File:CWC34.png|thumb|left|Chris in February]]
Chris released [[Apologies for offending people|another apology]] video and [[Birthday|turned 34]]. A [[Chris's Specimen Sample|semen donor video]] was leaked.
[[File:Cwcmar16.PNG|thumb|Chris in March]]

==March==
{{main|March 2016}}
Chris bought a [[PlayStation 4]] and claimed it was a gift from a fan. [[Barb]] is ordered to pay a credit card bill of $4,700.
[[File:Cwcap16.PNG|thumb|250px|Chris in April 2016.]]

==April==
{{main|April 2016}}
Chris released [[My Breast Massage Routine 18+]] and [[Please, Donate|begged for donors]]. He also started [[Sonichu Entertainment of America]] and quickly forget about.
[[File:Cwcmay16.PNG|thumb|250px|left|Chris in May 2016]]

==May==
{{main|May 2016}}
Chris bought a waifu, [[IMG 3207|had sex with a doll on YouTube]] and filed to change hir name to Christine.

==June==
[[File:Cwcjun16.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris in June]]
{{main|June 2016}}
Chris begged for money, supposedly for Barb's medication. He also tried to restart his gigolo career.

==July==
[[File:Christine license.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris's Woman Card in July 2016]]
{{main|July 2016}}
Chris [[26_December_2014|paid]] his court costs. Barb made an appearance in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|a begging video]]. Most horrifyingly, Chris got [[Un-clit 2.0|an open, bleeding wound on his groin]] and [[Chris and reality|thinks it means he started to grow a vagina as a result from watching subliminal frequency videos.]]

==August==
[[File:Aug16cwc.jpg|thumb|250px|left|Chris in August 2016]]
{{Main|August 2016}}
Chris admitted fantasizing about incest with his mother.

==September ==
[[File:CWC0916.PNG|thumb|left|250px|Chris in September 2016]]

{{Main|September 2016}}
A court rules that Barb must pay a debt of [[Financhu Crisis|$16k]]. Chris is interviewed by a Youtube personality at [[Cville Pride]]. Chris makes an [[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt|anti-Donald Trump]] video.

==October ==
[[File:Cwc october 2016.png|thumb|250px|Chris in October 2016]]
{{Main|October 2016}}
Chris tries using [[Unban contracts]] on [[Gamestop]] and [[Best Buy]]. He continues to comment about his hatred of [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], including a [[October 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should take parodies in jest|post]] saying that he should have taken "[[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]]."

==November==

{{Main|November 2016}}
[[File:Cwc1116.jpg|thumb|Chris in Nov 2016]]

Much of this month took place following the election of Donald trump and Chris sending a number of death threats against him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube

==December==
{{Main|December 2016}}
[[File:Chris tired 12-2016.jpeg|thumb|left|250px|Chris in Dec. 2016]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

Talk:Unban contracts

2016-10-17T00:37:29Z

Monotreme: Created page with "I'm not quite sure if the quotes are supposed to be around the whole message or just the first line. I made it the latter, but if someone wants to change it go ahead. ~~~~"

I'm not quite sure if the quotes are supposed to be around the whole message or just the first line. I made it the latter, but if someone wants to change it go ahead. [[User:Monotreme|Monotreme]] ([[User talk:Monotreme|talk]]) 00:37, 17 October 2016 (UTC)

Unban contracts

2016-10-17T00:34:43Z

Monotreme: Fixed the quote.

[[File:CWCLuther2 - credit to Here to Lurk.png|thumb|Artist's depiction]]

In [[October 2016]], Chris visited some of the stores at which he is banned and asked the management to sign a contract to unban him. The documents were leaked to [[Kiwi Farms]] on 13 October.

==GameStop==
{{Quote|From the desk and [[Chris and anger|sound mind]] of 
Miss Christine Weston Chandler 
 |}}
Dearest Madam or Sir, who has pulled me over, if not the manager of this facility (you may relay this letter to said persecuting executive if applicable),

Firstly, in response to your immediate approach of my person with "purpose" to dispel me
from your store or facility for the following well -outdated reason, I present to you this document to counter said dispel or banning of my person.

The past, well-outdated matter of the protest of [[SEGA]]'s changing [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s [[Sonic Boom Protest|arm colour to blue from tan]], and my action of discouraging purchase of anything "Sonic Boom" from [[Gamestop]] has been realized to be of most trivial reason to protest, and the ending problems certainly do not justify the past means. I, Christine Weston Chandler, hereby promise never to do anything that I have done then ever again, and I do regret having done said actions.

This very action was [[2014|Two Years Ago]], and frankly, I believe and strongly feel that it is long beyond the time to Move Forward and Forgive and Forget the sordid affair. Failure to Forgive and Forget, on your part, only demonstrates that you, yourself, are a most uncompassionate and lacking of heart and soul of any person. And, thus, you are no better than [[Donald Trump]], who ONLY wants to make this country BROKE to pay his own petty debts and debtors, as well as fill the Corporate Fat Cats' Pockets; Not Caring or Leaving Any Money at all for us, you and I, Middle-Class People, who also harps on and again of "Proud" deeds against Race, as well as against the [[Homos|LGBTQ Community]]. Of which, l am of two of those letters, as l am a proud "L"esbian "T"ranswoman; the Human Rights Campaign would be on my side, regardless. He is a most uncouth and unwelcoming [[Christian Weston Chandler|immature]] rat-a** b****** , and to not forgive and forget, now, would see you as such as well, and [[Chris and reality|to dispel me is to discriminate against the LGBTQ community]] as well. But I digress.

I, personally, would like very much to put this vintage matter to rest, and leave both you and I with a mentally and emotionally peaceful day, versus a soul-crushing day. All I ask is that you lift your [[ban]] against me from this facility, and allow me to resume being welcomed here at mental and emotional peace; [[Chris and remorse|Forgive and Forget]]. Failure to do so would most tarnish further your facility's reputation; most unwelcoming.

To allow me to resume being and shopping here at peace, is to allow yourself and ease of mind and emotions as well.

Thank You.

And I do promise with my signature and date below to never again perform anything of the past misdeed under protest, nor feelings of bad emotions from after or during a bad day.

Sincerely, 
Miss Christine Weston Chandler

__________________ _________ 
__________________ _________

<nowiki>*Signature and date of receiving this document</nowiki>

<nowiki>**Signing of this document also constitutes full legal binding of unbanning Miss Christine Weston Chandler from this store or facility, and to never call any police against her at any time hereafter.</nowiki>

==Best Buy==
From the desk and sound mind of 
Miss Christine Weston Chandler 
 
Dearest Madam or Sir, who has pulled me over, if not the manager of this facility (you may relay this letter to said persecuting executive if applicable),

Firstly, in response to your immediate approach of my person with "purpose" to dispel me from your store or facility for the following well-outdated reason, I present to you this document to counter said dispel or banning of my person.

The past, well-outdated matter of my possessing and using pepper spray against a person, who was never of employment at this Best Buy and thus dispelling and banning me from this Best Buy by sole reason of indirect news-hearing and gossiping, and no prior crimes, with such visual evidence, directly at this Best Buy, whatsoever, is no longer a valid reason whatsoever. I, Christine Weston Chandler hereby no longer possess pepper spray in any shape or form, and I promise never to use or possess it, even in self-defense of my person, and I do regret having done said actions, never at this Best Buy but at the original location whereas that has actually happened.

This very action was Two Years Ago, and frankly, I believe and strongly feel that it is long beyond the time to Move Forward and Forgive and Forget the sordid affair. Failure to Forgive and Forget, on your part, only demonstrates that you, yourself, are a most uncompassionate and lacking of heart and soul of any person. And, thus, you are no better than Donald Trump, who ONLY wants to make this country BROKE to pay his own petty debts and debtors, as well as fill the Corporate Fat Cats' Pockets; Not Caring or Leaving Any Money at all for us, you and I, Middle-Class People, who also harps on and again of "Proud" deeds against Race, as well as against the LGBTQ Community. Of which, I am of two of those letters, as I am a proud "L"esbian "T"ranswoman; the Human Rights Campaign would be on my side, regardless. He is a most uncouth and unwelcoming immature rat-a** b******, and to not forgive and forget, now, would see you as such as well, and to dispel me is to discriminate against the LGBTQ community as well. But I digress.

I, personally, would like very much to put this vintage matter to rest, and leave both you and I with a mentally and emotionally peaceful day, versus a soul-crushing day. All I ask is that you lift your ban against me from this facility, and allow me to resume being welcomed here at mental and emotional peace; Forgive and Forget. Failure to do so would most tarnish further your facility's reputation; most unwelcoming.

To allow me to resume being and shopping here at peace, is to allow yourself and ease of mind and emotions as well.

Thank You.

And I do promise with my signature and date below to never again perform anything of the past misdeed under protest, nor feelings of bad emotions from after or during a bad day.

Sincerely, 
Miss Christine Weston Chandler

__________________ _________ 
__________________ _________

<nowiki>*Signature and date of receiving this document</nowiki>

<nowiki>**Signing of this document also constitutes full legal binding of unbanning Miss Christine Weston Chandler from this store or facility, and to never call any police against her at any time hereafter.</nowiki>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Gamestop 01.jpg|Contract for GameStop
File:Gamestop 02.jpg
File:Best buy 01.jpg|Contract for Best Buy
File:Best buy 02.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[GameStop]]
*[[Best Buy]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]

Mailbag 11

2016-07-17T02:35:11Z

Monotreme: Added link

After answering [[Mailbag 10]], [[Chris]] sent a [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#Mailbag Issue (CCS)|message to his sysop]] requesting that future mailbags be better screened for letters that could cause [[stress]]. It would appear this request was ignored, as '''Mailbag 11''' had no shortage of difficult questions.

Unlike the last few mailbags, only a few of the questions were about [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Aspergers]]. Several people wrote in to ask about the disturbing deaths of [[Ivy]] and [[BILLY MAYS]]. Other highlights included a suggestion that Chris start freezing all his [[navy]], and a Sunday school teacher's very literal take on Leviticus.

==Answered==
===Marriage counseling===
{{Email|From: Chris Hutchinson <menchib@gmail.com>
Hi Chris! I have another question for you!

Nearly all of your [[electric hedgehog pokémon]] have [[sweetheart|girlfriends]]. Has anyone ever broken up in [[cwcville]]? Or do they remain true and honest [[sweetheart]]s forever?}}
{{EmailReply|Well, that is a very interesting question. It is common for couples to their disuptes and disagreements. But in Cwcville, we offer ALL couples our small group of Relationship/Marriage Counsolers. We encourage all legitimate couples to stay with each other, because truly, there is no one who could fill the void of one or the other (respectively) as best as the current partner for either one.

On the other hand, should it go as far as wanting to get divorced or separated, we encourage the Trial Seperation, yet discourage [[Hanky-panky|sexual relations]] during the Trial. Most of the time, the couples stay together with fonder appreciation for each other. Yet, if the couple mutually still feels the need for divorce, we would honor it. Like in Cwcville, the Trial Seperation should be Legally Manditory for all cities, states and countries around the world, because each troubled couple Should at least Try to find appreciation for each other before making it Final.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

=== 15 years cute! ===
{{Email|From: [[wikipedia:Paul Bernardo|Paul Bernardo]] <pkbernardo12@gmail.com>
Dear Chris,

Judging by your response to Levi Johnston, you seem to know a lot much about women, so I thought I would ask for your advice.

I am 26 years old and I have [[wikipedia:Karla Homolka|a beautiful fiancee]], but I can't stop thinking about [[wikipedia:Tammy Homolka|my fiancee's 15-year-old sister]]. I don't know how to bring it up to my fiancee that I want to have sex with her sister...do you have any advice on how to break it to her? I love my fiancee very much, but her sister turns me on so much that it's hard for me to function sometimes. My sexual frustration over being denied underage china is building up, and I fear I might become an [[Megan emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED|abusive maniac]] over this. Any advice or help would be appreciated.

Your fan,
Paul Bernardo}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, like most people would agree, [[Pedofork|adult relations with a Minor is Illegal]], and it is Greatly Discouraged. I highly recommend you avert your sights Away from the younger sister, yet that may be difficult, but with willpower, you can find it to be very easy. Plus, if it helps, I suggest you reprogram your mind a bit; say over and over to yourself that every time you see the young one, or even picture her in your mind, Imagine Replacing Her head with the head of her Father. That should work well.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias===
{{Email|From: Sarah Lutt <FlamBai@hotmail.com>
Dear Chris,

I love the comic, but I need a guy's opinion on something.

I am a [[boyfriend free girl]], but I think that guys don't like, and won't approach me just because I'm in a wheelchair :( So, my question is this; Do you like people in wheelchairs/ disabled people in general? If not, why? Also, in one of your recent comics, did you have to portray [[Ivy]] and [[BILLY MAYS|Mr. Mays]]' deaths like that? I am a big fan of your comic but I feel that letting children read about the graphic demise of a beloved pitchman may scare them; even I was deeply upset by that page, and I never cry, but that page may be insensitive to Billy Mays fans everywhere.
Please reply soon!
Sincerely,
Sarah}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, Billy did not die in the rescue; ONLY Ivy died there; I should have been more clear on that.

I am cool with physically disabled people, as well as [[Slow-in-the-minds|the mentally handicapped up to a certain point]]. That point being able to understand their speech. I mean no personal offense, and I understand that those individuals can not help their problems, but those with a great amount of facial deformities, who can never say any comprehendable words other than "Uh", "Argh", etc., even as far as to look zombie-like, just plain creep me out.

I apologize for the misunderstanding with Billy, and I plan on making it more clear in the pages of [[Sonichu 10|the 10th book]].

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

=== Another one blows some steam ===
{{Email|From: christina87@mail.com

You still haven't answered any of my previous messages. Why is that? I hate to play the "[[white knight]]" card, but you've left me no choice.
First off, your views on sexuality are ridiculous. You can't change someone's sexual orientation.It is not genetic either. It is basically an aspect of your personality. You really need to understand that. I doubt you'll read this, and probably just block my e-mail address from this account, but I really feel like I need to get to across to you. [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Your CHURCH]] is accepting of other people's lifestyles. So why do you go there if you hate "da [[homos]]" so much? You bigotries not justified, and are probably mindlessly taught to you by your parents. Start thinking for yourself, seriously. I'm not trying to insult or belittle you. Please just listen to people who are trying to help you for once. I'm sure you're a good person deep down, but you need to show people you are. It is completely normal to be of a different orientation, and you can't "get" gay from anyone else. I really would like to see you improve yourself.}}
''Chris added an email reply template to the bottom of this letter, but has yet to actually type a response. It's possible he forgot about it.''

===In which Chris is a fucking monster===
{{Email|From: James Reed <jimfnreed@gmail.com>
My name is Jim F.N. Reed, and I am a 64 year old veteran from Ohio. I spend my days working as a history teacher and golf coach, and then going home and reading your comics to my grandson, Billy. As an [[autistic]], Billy readily relates to you and your comics, and it gives me something to do besides polishing my golf clubs and rings.

However, I didn't write this here letter just to ramble about myself. I was reading your comic to Billy last night, and reached page 92 of [[Sonichu 9|issue nine]], wherein you graphically describe the death of a woman named "Ivy". Are you out of your dang mind, Mr. Chandler? I thought this was a children's comic, and you've got a quarter of that page devoted entirely to a graphic description of some poor woman dying a grisly death in an elevator. When I read that to Billy he was so shaken up he couldn't sleep all night, and then this morning when I was taking him to school, he refused to take our apartment building's elevator. The poor boy dozed off on the way down and ended up falling down fifteen flights of stairs. He's still alive, but now he's brain damaged and physically deformed, and all he does is sit around and say "Uhhhhh..."

What the hell do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Chandler?

-Jim F.N. Reed, Ohio}}
{{EmailReply|I apologize for what happened to your grandson. Ivy was a Real Person; my Girlfriend, and she died in Hanging Suicide a few months ago. It was a mistake putting real people into my comics. Because of her death, I had to remove her from the story. She was my [[Sweetheart|Girlfriend]]; [[Ego|How Do You Think I Feel?]] --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Just plain stupid===
{{Email|From: [[wikipedia:There_Will_Be_Blood|Daniel Plainview]] <how_can_you_be_sure@hotmail.com>
Dear Christian Christopher Ricardo Weston Chandler,

I have been following your Sweetheart Search for some time, so I am curious to ask you; what would you do if you finally got laid and found out that sexual intercourse isn't nearly as gratifying as you have hyped it up to be for yourself? What if after more than a decade of wondering, hoping, and waiting, you finally meet a nice girl, get to date number three, and are left feeling cold and soulless afterward?

I only ask this because most men get to sate their hormonal urges within a 5 year window after becoming sexually curious (fyi: When I lost my [[virgin]]ity at 16, it was pretty friggin' rad... and actually it's still really rad!), but you've had probably well over a decade to wonder what it would be like... so I can't help but be curious as to whether or not this extended period of time would make having your first sexual encounter to you like watching [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace|Star Wars: Episode I]] was for many of us; not worth the wait.

My intentions are not to put you down, I just can't help but wonder if you hadn't ought to reign in your expectations. If you end up not enjoying intercourse with a female, I fear you may turn into one of those dirty homos.... and I couldn't bear that.

Your friend for life,
Daniel Plainview}}
{{EmailReply|That is Just Plain Stupid, but thank you for your input anyway. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

=== Science gets done and you'll make a neat gun ===
{{Email|From: Herp Aderp <4shbringer@gmail.com>
Hi Chris,

I'm a big fan of your work. I've read all the comics, and enjoy them all, especially the sub-episodes. The daily updates are like getting a present every day! Thank you, and keep it coming!

I have 2 questions:

1) Why don't you make more [[Captain's Log]] entries? I enjoy hearing about whats going on in your life, even if its a quick update, and would like to hear from you more often, as I'm sure your entire [[fanbase]] does!

2) Have you considered doing a more scientific "comic"? I thought your "Examining Sonichu and Rosechu" segment was brilliant, and very close to a college-level text book. Maybe doing a similar one on the (physical and mental) human reproductive system would be insightful? If you could make it into a text book (or even a chapter in one), it could be very lucrative since college text books are EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!

One more thing, I know you're a big [[Britney Spears|Brittney Spears]] fan (as am I!), and I'm wondering what you think of [[Wikipedia:Lady Gaga|Lady Gaga]]? I think she's the best thing since Brittney, and I was wondering if you've heard her music/seen her yet.

THANKS!
Herpnatious G Aderp}}
{{EmailReply|A bunch of times, I don't have a thought that I feel is worthy as a Log, but I type them in as often as I have them. I will take the scientific book under consideration. [[Wikipedia:Poker Face (Lady Gaga song)|"Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my POKER FACE."]] She's okay. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===The difference between rubbery pirates and laconic manchildren===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Joseph Joestar|Joseph Joestar]] <josephjojojoestar@gmail.com>
Hey Chris, how's it going? I like the new mailbag thing. It reminds me of the SBS sections from the manga [[Wikipedia:One Piece|One Piece]], where the author answers questions from his fans. Do you read One Piece? Is this where you got the idea for doing a mailbag?

Also, while I like the [[mailbag]] (as I've said above), I'm sometimes a little disappointed with your answers. They tend to be kind of short and simple. An example I would give is when someone asked you what you thought of gun control. Your answer was, in its entirety: "I agree with gun control".<ref>[[Mailbag 4]]</ref>

That's not enough! I want to know WHY you agree with gun control, and your opinions on the issue, not just a "yes or "no". This was just an example. Please give longer and more detailed answers to your mail. Myself and the rest of your fans would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for reading,

-Joseph "[[Wikipedia:JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|JOJO]]" Joestar}}
{{EmailReply|I see, well at some times, my mind goes blank, so I have to run to the short answer(s). --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===The obscure clauses of the Mosaic Law===
{{Email|From: Mary Sullivan <merryhappyjoy@yahoo.com>
Dear Mr. Chandler,

My name is Mary Sullivan. I am a Sunday school teacher. A parent recently came to me and told me her son was reading your [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]], and asked me to look into it in order to see if it were a wholesome Christian comic. After digging into it by searching your name online and seeing some of the videos you posted, I will have to say that I am shocked by what I found.

In particular, in one video, you quote Leviticus. However, in [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|a later video, you show yourself shaving]]. You should know that Leviticus tells us that it is unchristian to shave. Please read Leviticus 19:27: "You shall not round the edge of your head, nor shall you destroy the edge of your beard."<ref>[http://bible.cc/leviticus/19-27.htm]</ref> In another video, you are unshaven, but are sporting tattoos. I have learned later that these tattoos were indeed fake,<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> but you're still promoting an unchristian message by wearing them, as Leviticus 19:28 reads, "And you shall not make a cutting for the dead in your flesh, nor shall you make a written tattoo upon you; I am YHWH."<ref>[http://bible.cc/leviticus/19-28.htm]</ref>

These are the words of God. I would suggest you pray on this, and speak to your church counselors about Leviticus, especially on [[homos]]exuality (including lesbians), shaving, and tattoos. Until you can make amends, I can only tell parents that Sonichu is not a Christian comic, and warn them from letting their children read it.

God bless.}}
{{EmailReply|For your information, those tattos were FAKE Tattoo Sleeves that I wore for a short while. And then I respond to the rest of the message, The Bible is a Guideline to Life; [[Chris and religion|You don't have to necessarily follow it to the letter]], As Long As You Are Happy In Your Life and Living It Well. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===In which Chris assumes none of us owns dictionaries===
{{Email|From: alan greenstein <alanboggogreenstein@gmail.com>
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening Mr. Chandler

I read your comics all the time but I was just wondering if you could please explain to me and to your fans what a [[parody]] is and how [[Sonichu]] is a Parody of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]

Thank you Very Much and Good Luck with your future

Sincerely,

Alan Greenstein}}
{{EmailReply|"Parody", a Noun, A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect.}}

===The near-obligatory autism question===
{{Email|From: Jesse Barmby <barmby.barmby@uleth.ca>
Hi Christian, I wrote to you not to long ago asking about what I can do to
have an autistic child. You suggested I read about [[autism]] on [[Wikipedia]],
because, in your own words, "raising a child with Autism is A LOT OF HARD
WORK". Boy, you were you right!

After doing some research, I found out that autistic kids such as yourself
are [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally retarded]], ugly, [[fat]], [[naive]], [[Art|can't draw]], and will usually be
[[virgin]]s forever. I also read that autistic children have [[I AM STRONG|poor muscle
tone]], which explains why you are so weak and have no strength at all.

I hope you're not offended by these comments, this is simply what I found
in my research, which you suggested that I do. You likely disagree with a
lot of these comments, but that's simply because you're too stupid to
understand. It also says that [[Aspergers]] is a type of autism, but you are
so severly mentally handicapped and fat that you don't seem to be able to
comprehend this.

To follow up, because autistic people have so many problems, do you think
that they should be euthanised? If you don't know what euthanasia is
because you are mentally retarded, you can look it up on wikipedia.

Anyways, thanks for the previous response! GO OUT AND ZAP TO THE EXTREME!}}
{{EmailReply|In response to your question, WHAT ARE YOU, A CRAZY MANIAC?! HELL NO! I disprove of euthanasia on the basis of mental retardation. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
=== Are there any naval bases in Alaska? ===
{{Email|From: Frank Capone <frnkcapone520@gmail.com>
Hello Chris-

I have been reading Sonichu for a while now and have recently seen some of your [[Youtube]] videos. In one video, you explain that you drink your own "[[navy]]" or [[semen]] after you [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to recycle it. I assume you mean you want to put the sperm that left your body back into your testicles.

I do not know who told you this was how the human body worked, but this is NOT true. Your digestive system is not at all connected to your reproductive system. When you ingest your semen, it will go straight to your stomach, where the acid in there will KILL all the sperm. Sperm are very fragile and cannot survive for long outside of the protection of your testicles. In fact, the moment sperm exits your body, they are destined to die unless you [[Chris's Specimen Sample|FREEZE THEM.]] The heat and power of your stomach acid would definitely kill them.

If you are truly interested in saving all of your seed for future child bearing, I suggest you put all semen you produce through masturbation into your refrigerator or, even better, your freezer. That way you can later have a doctor put the frozen sperm into your wife.

Hopefully this has helped you in your quest for your future-daughter Crystal. I sincerely hope you have not already killed the seed that would create her by drinking it.}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, I thought of the idea myself without external influence. [[Lie|Second, I have stopped doing that over a year ago.]] And the freezing idea has come to mind before, and I will consider it further.

I apologize for putting your message into the reject, but I felt it was not appropriate or cannon to and with the more appropriate letters. Thank you for your input.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 04:34, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Mailbag}}

November 2015

2015-11-25T21:59:03Z

Monotreme:

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:CWCnov15.jpg|thumb|Chris in November.]]

[[File:S&rchuparis.jpg|thumb|The post in question.]]

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]]. This month also marks Chris's full transition back to his [[2007|old self]], as seen in the numerous videos he releases.

==Events==
* 1 November - Chris uploads to [[YouTube]] one of the creepiest [[videos]] since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began, "[[HelloLadyFans]]."
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]]: "Pre-2011 Christian Weston Chandler," "Post-2011 Christine Weston Chandler," and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on [[Facebook]], and adds a photo request both there and on YouTube.
* 10 November - A plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[Minor_Family_Members#David_Chandler| David Alan Chandler]], and [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] to "remember" his family, "Family Needs to appreciate Family", is uploaded to Youtube. He makes a request for them to contact Barb "before her time runs out".
* 10 November - Chris makes three custom [[Jerkop]] amiibos that resemble the three family members above. They are uploaded to Facebook and are tagged with their names.
* 11 November - Chris uploads "Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!" to YouTube. He films himself playing with his Amiibos. He also provides a link on Facebook, advertising his Amiibos.
* 11 November - A picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] dating back to [[June 2015|June]] found on Bing Maps is leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 12 November - "[[Donation Options Reviewed.]]" is uploaded to Youtube. This is one of his longest videos, where he explains the functions of his amiibos.
* 15 November - Chris makes a tactful post on Facebook about the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, comparing them to battles between heroes and villains in cartoons. The post in question is also a shining example of how no matter what happens, [[Ego| Chris simply can't resist putting Sonichu and Rosechu into everything he does.]]
* 15 November - Chris states that Youtube's CwcvilleGuardian account is owned by him, despite no allegations to the contrary and the utter obviousness of this being the case.
* 16 November - A timely post directed at [[Alec Benson Leary]] is placed on Facebook, stating that ''Sonichu'' is, was, and always will be in ownership of Chris.
* 18 November - Chris attempts to dox somebody for the first time in ages. This time, the target is one "Francine", who is currently making a fanmade [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_Adult_Chronicles#_CWC_Adult_Chronicles|fangame]] about Chris much to his displeasure. Having [[Hypocrisy|sneered at her for being transgendered,]] it seems that his transformation back into his old self is almost complete... [[Death_threats|with one thing missing.]]
* 24 November - Chris gets a new cat, [[Pollo]].
* 24 November - Chris rants about the [[trolls]] on Facebook.
* 26 November - Thanksgiving Day.
* 27 November - Black Friday, and the start of the [[Christmas]] retail season in America. Chris promised on the 15th that he would provide some deals on his products for this date.

{{Timeline}}

Chris and cameras

2015-11-23T16:14:02Z

Monotreme:

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|You can totally make out Clyde's face.]]
[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''cinematography''' is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or videos. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his PSEye, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in 2 ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

Another good example of this is in the picture of a scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'' shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens (one of which is ''bundled with Windows 7 computers onwards''), the image is also hampered down by the sights of background lamps and Hulu's watermark that covers the entire screen when a video is paused.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right.

==Lighting==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee. Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]], but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

As of [[October 2015]], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. So far, this shift has stuck, as all of Chris's videos from that point are lit properly.

==Post-production==
As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software (looking at you, Windows Movie Maker) will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

==Animation==
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is fairly trivial with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

==Other photography failures==
A Week With Christian Chandler includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Chris and cameras

2015-11-07T23:16:41Z

Monotreme: Added part about newer videos being properly lit.

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|You can totally make out Clyde's face.]]
[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''cinematography''' is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or videos. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his PSEye, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in 2 ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

Another good example of this is in the picture of a scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'' shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens (one of which is ''bundled with Windows 7 computers onwards''), the image is also hampered down by the sights of background lamps and Hulu's watermark that covers the entire screen when a video is paused.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right.

==Lighting==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee. Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]], but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

As of [October 2015], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. Whether he will make any further cinematographic improvements is yet to be seen.

==Post-production==
As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software (looking at you, Windows Movie Maker) will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

==Animation==
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is fairly trivial with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

==Other photography failures==
A Week With Christian Chandler includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Encyclopedia Dramatica

2015-11-03T04:17:17Z

Monotreme: Removed broken TV Tropes link

{{Timelinetop
|size = 100px
|start = 2008
|end = Ongoing}}
{{protip|Stop trying to put mentions of ed.se on this page. Only use it to replace broken ed.com links.}}
{{Quote|I will see to that website's demise, or my name isn't Christian Weston Chandler.|[[Christopher Weston Chandler]]<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008]]</ref>}}
'''Encyclopedia Dramatica''' (a.k.a. '''ED''' and '''æ''') is the home to the Chris-Chan page that introduced Chris to the world at large and made him a popular target for [[trolling]].

==Chris on ED==

Chris has denounced the ED page in several of his videos, claiming it is filled with "VICIOUS LIES AND SLANDER."

After a considerable amount of trolling and bitching and uploading hideous pornographic images, including the disastrous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], Chris posted this gem on the ED talk page:

{{quotebox|I AM ADDING THE [[Rule 34|POSITIVITY]] THIS HELL-HOLE OF A WEBSITE NEEDS; you just do not appreciate the POSITIVITY I AM ADDING TO THE PAGE. What I am doing is a STAND against OFFENSIVE, UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED [[Pickle|Additions]] to ANY Female Image. What I am doing is a STAND for EVERY SINGLE WOMAN Everywhere, because NO WOMAN would EVER want such a Horrific Twist of Fate. What I am doing is a STAND against the VERY THING that is NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!!!!!

So, Draw Breasts, [[china|Vaginas]], Uterus, Ovaries and the God-Given Eggs within them, you [[Duck|Two-Inch Short]] [[Pickle|Dick-HEADS!!!!!!!!]]

Sincerely, Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the [[Women's Rights]], For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.

P.S. [[Chris and hypocrisy|Grow a BACKBONE and GO ASK WOMEN OUT AS WELL, YOU TROLLS!]]}}

Chris then returned, admitting defeat after his tard rage:

{{quotebox|Months ago, I have found from this page being the first of a number hate against me, Christian Weston Chandler. *[[sigh]]* Among the number of you all, my name has been dragged through the mud, my e-mail and MySpace have been hacked for the e-mail information and random information that have been twisted into mockery of [[obesity|my person]], [[Chris and sex|my integrity]], [[List of Chris's lies|my honesty]], [[Ryan Cash|my compassion]], [[heart level|my heart]], [[Chris and religion|my soul]], [[autism|my being]]. Not only that, but the names of my two best gal-pals, [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Anna McLerran]], and my Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], have also been dragged through the mud of mockery along with mine. Not only were [[heart level|my feelings were hurt greatly]], but also those of [[Megan]] and [[Anna]], and a number of my acquaintances within my small social circle were shocked and terrified that such [[trolls|cruelty]], such [[pickle|mockery]], such [[homos|hatred]] was built from the number of those who have added more and more to this disgrace of a description of my [[autism|being]].

For a while, I was angry and enraged, and I shoved information and drawings regretfully drawn beyond my personal boundries down the throat of the webmasters of the page, in attempt to kill the hype and hatred against me. But No More, I give up on trying to edit the page to be more positive, or to delete the page altogether.

But I have ONE Question, that I put unto you all, the individuals who have taken part in creating this web page, and I would appreciate an Open, Detailed and Honest Answer from each of you in simple e-mails or reply on this discussion page.

[[Frequently Asked Questions|Why do you hate me so much?]]

What did I do against you to cause the hatred against me? What physical or emotional harm have I ensued unto you? Why do you hate me for being myself in this world full of people who can't help but be themselves? I've had nothing against any of you. I don't even know any of you personally, as far as I know. I have nothing that any of you have already, so Why?

I leave you with that to ponder and ponder again over.

Sincerely;

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

After the late summer of [[2008]], Chris largely gave up on direct involvement with ED. Around the spring of [[2009]], he may have posted one or two comments on the ED talk page referring to [[Clyde Cash]], however. The first is below. It was deleted fairly quickly.

{{quotebox|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the [[heart level|crestfallen emotions]], but I am moving on with my life.

Also, you'll have to catch me IRL ONLY to [[troll]] me any further. [[fangs|Do you dare?]]

Peace-Out, Christian Weston Chandler

--ChrisChanSonichu 22:54, 14 May 2009 (UTC)}}

There was some dispute over it actually being Chris until he himself confirmed it in the post that followed:

{{quotebox|Hey, [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE]], you JERK. I said "IN REAL LIFE", not [[PS3|Playstation]]. Also, why don't you be the man you CLAIM to be and face me yourself? You keep sending out your prawns to do your dirty work, you coward. >:-(

Christian C.}}

According to Clyde, the above entry was deleted after roughly a minute, probably due to Chris realizing that if he were to ever arrange to meet Clyde, he'd only send his parents anyway.

==ED on Chris, his article, and his article's talk page==

[[Image:Drycow.PNG|thumb|Uploaded 12 December 2008, before the new comic, [[Miyamoto]] saga, and [[BlueSpike]] saga]]

For several months prior to the events of the [[BlueSpike]] saga in early 2009, many thought that Chris had dried up, that Chris could go no further. Furthermore, the [[Blanca Weiss#FCTC|FCTC]]'s posting of new pics of Chris's bent [[duck]] in December 2008 prompted an ED admin to lock the talk page and demand satisfaction:

{{quote|MINE: What this talkpage is. If you guys continue your faggotry after this protection expires today I will lock it down longer, and then eventually permanently.|Arguecat3, now former ED sysop, 4 December 2008}}

{{quote|I say we just delete it. Along with the archives|Zaiger, now former ED sysop, 5 December 2008}}

{{quote|Fuck this article and it's talk page. Stupid discussions unrelated to upkeep and editing are the only thing keeping this shit interesting. You guys take this shit WAY to srsly. Find another retard to stalk fgts|Zaiger, now former ED sysop, 10 December 2008}}

==1 April 2009==

[[Image:ED April Fools' 2009.PNG|left|thumb|Screenshot of ED's front page.]]
[[Image:Chris-chan ED April Fools' 2009.PNG|thumb|Screenshot of the article.]]

On April Fools' Day 2009, the Chris-chan article was taken down and replaced with a message.

{{quote|This afternoon, we at Encyclopædia Dramatica have independently decided to remove the Chris-chan article about Christian W. Chandler from our site. We have also removed all references that slander, vilify, demean, or are found to be overly offensive. In plain terms, this ordeal has gone on far too long and gotten far out of hand. We have unfairly focused on him to the point of intruding in his private life and causing him great personal grief, which no person should ever have to endure. This behavior is not in line with our site goals, and we never wanted something like this. Still, we must take complete responsibility for all our actions, both public and private. And that is why we are speaking to you today. But we say to you now that at no time did we ask anyone to lie, hide, or destroy evidence, or to take any other unlawful action.

We know that his public comments and his silence about this matter gave a false impression. We misled people, including even his family. We deeply regret that. We can only tell you we were motivated by many factors. First, by a desire to protect himself from the embarrassment of his own conduct.

He was also very concerned about protecting his family. The investigation moved on to his family and friends, then into his private life. And now the investigation itself is under investigation.

This has gone on too long, cost too much, and hurt too many innocent people.

Regardless of any public pressure to reinstate the article, it must be stressed that our intrusion on Chris' private life will cease, and we intend to reclaim his family life for his family. Even internet celebrities have private lives. It is time to stop the pursuit of personal destruction and the prying into private lives and get on with our national life. Our website has been distracted by this matter for too long, and we take responsibility for our part in all of this. That is all we can do.

Now it is time -- in fact, it is past time to move on. We have important work to do -- real opportunities to seize, real problems to solve, real matters to face.

And so tonight, we ask you to turn away from the spectacle of the past two years, as we return our attention to all the challenges and all the promise of the next century.

Thank you. And good night.|ED, <s>in a rare case of moralfaggotry</s> joking.}}

Not surprisingly, the page was put back up on 2 April.

==Chris's use of Encyclopedia Dramatica==

''See also [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]''

Chris tried to use ED to muster his personal army to go after [[Joshua Martinez]]. Obviously, nobody did what he asked. <ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080227084345/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&oldid=1997409947</ref> He also tried to create a page on ED for his "CCWC's Fanart of Horrors" (see: [[troll]] art), but a sysop immediately caught it and redirected it to an anti-Semitic template.

==Chris and ED==

{{quote|I do think it is a little behind [[CWCki|cwcwiki]] [sic] on a few things, though, but that is to be expected.|[[Jason Kendrick Howell]] on the ED article two years after its creation<ref>[[Jason Kendrick Howell interview]]</ref>}}

For a while, the ED page was crammed with misinformation (such as Chris attempting to molest [[Patti]], or the idea that Ivy was really [[Kimmi|the blowup doll]]), but was cleaned out various times.

Trolls and general observers of Chris have since turned to [[CWCki]] to get a general picture of Chris that is less biased than ED (emphasis on "less"), and TV Tropes once described CWCki as being "''more accurate and slightly more SFW''" than ED.

As for Chris himself, the ED page STILL bothered him. An [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|entire page]] of Chris's website, established in December 2009 and updated afterward, is dedicated to "correcting" the evil ED article with his own True and Honest take on the situation. Naturally, it's all about how Chris isn't remotely responsible for anything he has done wrong, and how it's all the fault of his [[autism]] or those DANG DIRTY TROLLS.

==Oh Internet interlude==
On 14 April 2011, ED was redirected to '''Oh Internet''', a more safe-for-work wiki, in an attempt to achieve the site revenue required to stay online. Needless to say, the site included articles about Chris and Sonichu. In October 2013, however, Oh Internet silently went offline. Encyclopedia Dramatica returned under several domains: .ch, .se and .es, revived via scraping articles and images from archived websites.

==Chris-chan (forum)==

[[Image:Edfcwcusers.jpg|thumb|Your average Chris-chan following EDiot.]]

'''Chris-chan''' was a subforum of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] forums (commonly referred to as '''EDF'''). It was created such that the talk page for the Chris-chan article could be used for its rightful purpose to discuss improving the article.

Chris had indicated in his 13 [[September 2009]] video that he read the ED forums, where he discovered a plan to photoshop images so they looked like they were from a Sonichu game.<ref>[[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]</ref> Chris firmly believed this forum to be the main hub for trolling activity despite other forums and websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]]) are far more significant.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==

*[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]
*[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
*[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell interview]]
*[[4-cent garbage]]
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Christian's sex joke]]
*[[TV Tropes]] - The original article, before it was locked and edited.

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?6m7hk01609e4e7k Google Cache of Chris's ED article]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Chris-chan Archive of Chris's page on the "new" "new" ED, and the TRUE and HONEST "Chris-chan" article]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20090216213714/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Reldnahc Chris's ED account]
*[http://forum.encyclopediadramatica.se/ EDF]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20120731163509/http://ohinternet.com/Chris-chan Oh Internet article (SFW!)] </s> (dead link as 2014)
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20071104144918/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan| Earliest archived version of the "Chris-chan" page on the Wayback Machine.]

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

HelloLadyFans

2015-11-02T14:56:52Z

Monotreme:

'''HelloLadyFans''' is a video Chris uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 1 [[November 2015]], where he tries to continue his ever lasting [[Love Quest]]. It shows Chris just after presumably taking a shower. It also shows how [[Naive|Chris has yet to learn anything]] as he gives a Gmail account for anyone who wishes to talk to him, as long as its a [[Sweetheart|girl]]. Unlike his videos from [[October 2015|last month]], this one was age-restricted as per YouTube's Community Guidelines.

==Description==

{{quotebox|Only Email me at Anightinchristine@gmail.com, please. I personally look forward to meeting and getting better acquainted with the ladies who like me from the distance. AND Honesty is always a positive turn on for me, so please use your real name when emailing me; No [[Chris and English|anonymosity]] at all, please.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = HelloLadyFriends
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hICl_2RNnBg}}
| stardate = 01 [[November 2015]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Sex|text}} {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia]]
| next = n/a
}}

==Transcription==
'''Chris:''' Hello to all my lucky lady fans. [''Chris grabs the towel on his head''] Yes, I just got out of the [[Chris and Health|shower]], I feel clean again... well it gets lonely here in [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. I feel like I might want to date some of y'all, [''Chris shows more cleavage''] maybe we get to know each other you know? Heave a pleasent dinner or just have a conversational break of a coffee, [[Chris and English|conversational break of a coffee,]] see how things go, see how we feel around each other yeah maybe I'll eventually find my [[sweetheart]] among y'all... see how things go you know? I'm open to all kinds of [[china|women]] 'cause you get the whole package in one, the female soul and the body that can go anywhere you desire [''Chris shows his bra under his shirt'']... My ladies straight, bisexual, lesbian I'll take y'all, because I'm this [[Chris and reality|overlooked treasure.]] I should not be ignored or overlooked any longer. [''Chris approaches his bed''] We should start to know each other, my loyal lady fans, who of course I'm talking to y'all, so just contact me in the email address up on by... underneath this video and we`ll set up a lovely date between the two of us hmm, one weekend y'all come visit, maybe get you a hotel room y'all, or just expend a lovely evening together or something [unintelligible]... Well, get to me, talk to me, see if we have do see if we click or not... Hmmm. Lovely lovely times to be shared, and even if things don't work out in the long run, you still get a new friend in me anyway. and I pinky promise on there, thank y'all for your chimmin and what not. [''Chris flashes his cleavage once more before ending the video'']

Love Quest

2015-11-02T14:55:40Z

Monotreme:

{{quote|I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...|Chris, in a [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|sudden moment of clarity]]<ref>[[White_knight_E-mails#September_2008_.E2.80.9]]</ref>.}}
{{quote|... except for the fact that I am Handsome|Well, so much for that.}}
[[Image:Chris-Chan Warrior of Love.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]
[[File:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris must fight [[autism]] in order to enter the Valley of [[China]].]]
[[File:Tumblr lg8dq2DmiR1qbc13do1 500.jpg|thumb|Artist's impression of Chris on his Love Quest.]]
The '''Love Quest''' or '''Sweetheart Search'''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Lori Lopez]]</ref><ref>[[Miyamoto emails]]</ref> is the ongoing, real-life [[saga]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] to obtain a girlfriend. The stated purpose of the Love Quest is to meet the woman who will be his true love, solve all his problems and bear his children. However, Chris believes all of this will be assured upon his first successful [[Chris and sex|sexual intercourse]] with a woman, and so for all practical purposes the true goal is to lose his virginity.

Chris is known to have had crushes on girls prior to [[2002]], but the Love Quest represents a focused effort to do everything in his power to achieve romantic fulfillment, except improve himself. He has often linked the Love Quest with what he claims to be visions from [[GodJesus]] commanding him to father [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|a daughter]], as well as his desire to prove that he is straight; at times these seem to be the only actual reasons Chris wants a lover.

To this day, the Love Quest is ongoing, with Chris (unsurprisingly) not having made any progress whatsoever in finding a romantic partner. He has [[Facebook|claimed]] to have enjoyed partial success to the extent of losing his virginity. However, as with other [[Honor roll|achievements Chris claims to possess]], it is still the subject of debate.
==Origins==
===Background===
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|right|Spell cards don't work IRL, Chris.]]
The catalyst for the Love Quest was Christian's encounter with [[Sarah Hammer]] during his move back to [[Ruckersville]], and enrollment at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. This occurred somewhere between [[2000#June|June 2000]] and [[2003#October|October 2003]].

Sarah is presumably the first woman to tell the ever-[[naïve]] Christian, "[[So Need a Cute Girl|I have a boyfriend]]." Chris unexpectedly learned that his childhood [[gal-pal]] was romantically involved with [[Wes Iseli]].<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref> Upon making this discovery, he quickly developed an intense jealousy of Iseli and resentment towards him that would set his state of mind for the impending Quest.

Throughout [[2003]], Chris passively expressed his mix of longing and disappointment by way of "[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]" and "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]". It is clear that Chris had at some point decided Sarah was supposed to be his soulmate (although perhaps not until he learned she was unavailable) and had difficulty accepting that this would not be a possibility. In [[2005]], following Sarah's breakup with Iseli and hookup with [[William Spicer]], he dealt with the situation more openly and publicly in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. (This acceptance perhaps stemmed from his turn to a new object of infatuation - see the [[Megan]] section below.)

===Epiphany===
According to Chris, the genesis of the Love Quest was his twenty-first birthday, 24 February [[2003]].<ref>Chris misspoke the year as [[2002]] in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|this video]], but he has elsewhere consistently referenced his 21st birthday, which was in 2003.</ref> On this date, he was kicked out of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] English class after a dispute with his teacher. (In his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Start_of_my_Sweetheart_Search|Wikipedia biography]], Chris claimed the teacher ejected him simply on account of his [[autism]], when asked about it again later by a "girlfriend", he does add that it may have had something to do with some remarks he made about fellow classmates and non-white people<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5]], starting at 7:45 PM</ref>). While waiting for his next class, Chris sat and cried his eyes out, realizing there was no one to comfort him like when he cried at his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Shortly thereafter, he resolved that he needed a girlfriend.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

Presumably the connection between these events is that Chris felt hurt and ostracized by his punishment, leading him to recognize his need for someone who would appreciate him unconditionally. However, Chris further states that the Love Quest ''officially'' began in [[2003#August|August 2003]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>, suggesting that he waited six months to actually execute his plans out of sheer laziness.

===Salad days===
At some point early on in the Quest, Chris developed an intense, socially crippling [[Noviophobia|fear]] that all women have boyfriends. Since his [[autism]] causes him to approach social tasks in the bluntest manner possible, it can be assumed that his initial approach was to walk up to women cold, and frankly ask if they would go out with him. It may be further inferred that Chris's unrelenting persistence made it extremely difficult for a woman he liked to get rid of him, short of claiming to have a boyfriend. In any case, Chris quickly lost nearly all of his confidence in talking to women and developed an irrational hatred of boyfriends, or "[[JERKS]]" (i.e., all men everywhere except himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]]). Since this time, he has always specified that his potential girlfriend must be a [[boyfriend-free girl]] (sometimes "single, boyfriend-free girl"), as if this were not already obvious.

==Conflict with Mary Lee Walsh==
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|Miscellaneous items used during the Love Quest, or as the Commonwealth of Virginia will eventually call it, Exhibit A.]]
[[Image:134-cwcsonstecrdgirlbck.jpg|thumb|Back of a ''Sonichu'' business card.]]
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

By [[October 2003]], Chris had put into practice what was "the only sensible idea I could come up with that was inexpensive": sitting on the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] campus holding a sign that read "I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion." This would be the first of many versions of the [[Attraction Sign]], a vital tool in the Love Quest for several years to come.

Sometime during October, the school's Dean of Student Services, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], confronted Chris and confiscated his sign. According to Chris's recollection of the event:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." [[Heart level|MY HEART WAS SHATTERED]] that very moment.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 May 2009}}

What is far more likely to have occurred is this: Walsh probably decided Chris was making a nuisance of himself and asked him what he thought he was doing; Chris probably delivered a big confusing monologue (possibly with a song and dance) about seeking true love; and Walsh then likely dismissed the substance of Chris's response with "You can't do that here." Walsh's point of contention was undoubtedly just the sign, but over the years Chris has demonized her into a brutal harpy whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him.

Undaunted, Chris simply made a new sign, and a few weeks later Walsh confronted him again. In late [[January 2004]], Chris revised his strategy, leaving copies of the ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' newsletter strewn about campus, each one containing a single "personals ad" about himself. By [[February 2004|February]], Walsh had cracked down on Chris again, banning distribution of the ''News Dash!''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], [[February 2004|February 9, 2004]]</ref> In Chris's own words:

{{quote|Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an [[anger]] management course and see a [[Chris and psychology|psychiatrist]] for a while.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 [[May 2009]]}}

The extent of the "attack" Chris made against Walsh, whether it was physical or just a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], is unknown, although it would have had to have been something pretty serious to get him suspended from PVCC ''and'' forced to undergo counseling. The timing of the incident is also unclear, since Chris has cited 16 [[September 2004]] as the date of his suspension.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 16, 2004</ref>

==Conflicts with Jerkops==
By [[August 2004]], Chris had expanded his quest to other [[Attraction Location]]s besides PVCC, such as [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. It was here that he attempted a new tactic, inspired by ''[[Excel Saga]]'': laying a [[Red String of Fate]] across the mall floor. This inevitably led to a confrontation with mall security, making this Chris's first recorded encounter with the [[Jerkops]].<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], August 2004</ref>

By [[September 2004|September]], Chris had somehow learned that loitering in public places with a sign advertising his services as a boyfriend made it look like he was "trying to sell [him]self like a new car," but he still managed to miss the point and believe this was something he could work to his advantage. He continued to have confrontations with mall security until 11 September 2004, when he was arrested, handcuffed, and forbidden from entering the mall without one of his parents. With both of his Attraction Locations denied to him, Chris became more lonely and depressed than usual. In his diary he expressed an interest in asking "Santa Clause" for a girlfriend. According to e-mails leaked by [[Jackie]], Chris was completely serious and believed in Santa until he was ''24''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 2004</ref>

==Anna McLerran==
[[Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|thumb|''Too bad she's a lesbian.'']]
{{main|The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer}}
At some point in 2004 Chris had expanded his activities in the mall, including:

* Pacing around a lot, playing videos on his Game Boy Advance SP.
* Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then".

He was apparently infamous to [[Anna McLerran]] and her friends by the time he finally worked up the nerve to enter the store where Anna worked to strike up a conversation with her. Anna handled herself as politely as she could while having zero interest in this idiot's pathetic romantic overtures, and apparently convinced him that she was off the market.

Despite becoming one of Chris's closest friends, Anna would later document the 2004 incident in a [[2006]] blog post, confirming that, despite whatever good qualities she sees in Chris, deep down she knows he's a few electric hedgehog Pokémon short of a [[Chaotic Combo]].

==Hanna==
On 29 [[March 2005]] Chris (who had somehow regained full access to the mall) momentarily believed his prayers had been answered when he was approached by [[Hanna]], a girl who worked at the local [[Wikipedia:Starbucks|Starbucks]]. She invited Chris to have coffee with her. Chris quickly overreacted to this sudden reversal of fortune, calling his mother and showing Hanna his entire [[Sonichu Scrapbook|''Sonichu'' scrapbook]].

[[Anna McLerran]] later informed Chris that Hanna was simply trolling him for the [[lulz]]. In shock, Chris confronted Hanna and, when she admitted the truth, he ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!", just like the movies. The entire incident was a crippling blow to Chris's self-esteem and the kind of thing that would be embarrassing for anyone. He also apparently made enough of a scene to get himself [[banned]] from the mall again. Subsequently, Chris dramatized the whole story in [[Sub-Episode 2|the comic]], where he was able to get the last word in exactly the way he could not in real life.

==Conflicts with [[Manajerks]]==
Around [[June 2005]], with the mall becoming a more difficult place to pick up chicks, Chris turned to his local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], where he would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his sign and various nerd amusements, and wait around for hours. On 20 June 2005 Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his sign and called the police on him. Chris hid the sign, effectively avoiding criminal charges, but he was banned from the McDonald's. He interpreted this to mean he was not banned from the Wal-Mart, however.

On 22 June Chris again came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures, and the conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. According to Chris, the Wal-Mart manager attempted to reason with him...

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [''sic''] to [[JERKS|any Man other than myself]], because they all have [[infinitely high boyfriend factor|taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none]].” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with [[Son-Chu|my car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

In [[July 2005|July]], Chris relocated to the newly-opened [[Charlottesville]] [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], where he quickly found himself in trouble for loitering once again. Chris refused to leave at first. When store employees returned with [[Jerkops|police officers]] (including [[Bagget]]), Chris offered to leave if they would listen to a prepared speech. According to Chris's account of the incident, five officers then jumped on him and [[Wikipedia:hogtie|hogtied]] him without provocation; in reality, it's more likely that they saw he would not surrender and tried to arrest him peacefully, and he resisted to the point that they had to completely subdue him out of fear of his 'tard rage.

In the dramatization of these events in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], the jerkops need nothing short of a giant robot to capture Chris, and [[Sister|his twin sister]] rescues him so that they can destroy the jerkops' entire operation, which of course is commanded by Mary Lee Walsh from [[PVCC]].

Chris has said that he was eventually cleared of all criminal charges related to the dispute at Target. It was apparently at this point that [[Barb|his mother]], in a dazzling display of parental guidance, informed him about two years too late that the Attraction Sign made him look [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]].

==Megan Schroeder==
[[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|thumb|''Boyfriend-free no more!'']]
[[File:Rap.PNG|thumb|You gonna get raped.]]
Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] in the summer of [[2005]] and was immediately attracted by such qualities as [[China|her gender]], [[Boyfriend-free girl|her lack of a boyfriend]] and her willingness to talk to him for more than five minutes (although she compliments him for tolerating ''her''). In Chris's mind Megan was already destined to be his sweetheart, and the only thing left to do was convince Megan to accept this truth. The Love Quest was effectively on hold from this time until [[March 2008]]. All of Chris's writings during this time demonstrate that he believed he was already in a monogamous relationship with Megan and further Sweetheart Searching was largely unnecessary.

Aside from Megan's complete disinterest in romance with Chris, the relationship suffered other stumbling blocks, such as Megan's discomfort at Chris showering her with gifts; Megan's outrage over Chris's sexual harassment, hatred of men, and rampant homophobia; Megan's unwillingness to share a [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|hypothetical hotel room]] with Chris; and Megan's discovery that Chris had to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|draw himself fingerbanging her]] to suppress his fantasies of assaulting and raping her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_does_not_regret_the_Meganporn_and_claims_drawing_it_helped_prevent_him_raping_her]]</ref> Even though she reacted as any normal human being would in the same situation, he was still shocked that she "broke up" with him and thought that all he had to do was say "I'm sorry" as much as possible.

Encyclopedia Dramatica did not ruin Chris's relationship with Megan, but Chris's obsession with defeating ED definitely did, since his attempt to blow ED's mind by posting his [[Rule 34]] drawings caused her to discover what a deranged individual he truly is and break off all contact with him. Chris totally missed the point about the fingerbanging picture, believing that its continued presence on ED was the issue, and not the fact that he drew it in the first place. This contributed to his drive to shut the site down for much of 2008, until people on the [[Internet]] figured out the simplest way to troll him...
{{clear}}

==Internet Love Quest==
[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's image from [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Café]] profile.]]

After becoming an infamous lolcow thanks to his edit war with ED, Chris began to receive unexpected attention from attractive single women who loved his comics and totally weren't just looking to troll him. Since then, Chris has taken his Love Quest onto the Internet, proclaiming that his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart is whichever girl he's managed to pin down. Chris, or someone impersonating Chris, has at one point attempted appealing to [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080804202349AA80xDL Yahoo! Answers] on how a "lonesome fella" can attract a boyfriend-free girl, going as far as mentioning his previous tactics and even asking his answerer to be his sweetheart.

With each sweetheart he meets online Chris follows a predictable pattern, demonstrating what he had always intended to do with any woman he met in real life. He begins with a series of proclamations of his TRUE and HONEST love, and then begins planning out how the woman will travel to his home. Chris professes to believe in the rule that sex is out of the question until the [[third date]], but since he expects every romantic encounter to end in total success he makes it clear — in as gentlemanly a fashion as he can manage — that he expects sex at the woman's earliest convenience. Amazingly, as each successive Internet gal pal proves to be a [[troll]], Chris becomes more devoted to the next one, to the point that within a month of meeting Ivy online he began planning his marriage to a woman he had never even seen face-to-face.

When addressing the question of why Chris readily takes each new troll at face value, his own mindset must be taken into consideration. Chris's prospects of finding a girl locally are virtually zero, and he knows this. At the same time, the Internet seems (from his point of view) to be an endless cavalcade of single, attractive women who are fascinated with him, making it an irresistible resource in his Love Quest. By now Chris is fully aware that each woman he meets online ''could'' be a troll, but each time he readily accepts evidence that she is not and dismisses out of hand any suggestion that she is. He does this because he ''wants'' to believe she's real; the alternative is to surrender to despair.

==Returning to real life==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|''The [[Internet]] is so yesterday, Love Quest is always in.'']]
In Chris's final chat with [[Sarah May]] from early March 2009, he claimed that he planned to give up looking for a [[sweetheart]] online, and return to searching for a girl in local [[Charlottesville]]. [[Trolls]] everywhere rejoiced, for this could only mean one thing - a return to the fabled [[Attraction Sign]] and the days of his exploits against the [[Jerkops]] and his other IRL misadventures.

This effort only lasted so long, however. Chris's first attempt at a real-life date, with [[Emily]], ended in tragedy (for him) after the intervention of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. During the brief [[Rollin' and Trollin']] era in the early summer of 2009, Chris was allegedly spotted prowling Charlottesville Fashion Square in his ''[[Guitar Hero]]: Metallica'' tattoo sleeves, but it wasn't long before he gave up and retreated back to the Internet.

In late [[October 2009]], after a long hiatus, the [[sweetheart]] cycle began again, with the advent of the incredibly disturbing [[I Love You Kacey]]. Chris initially found success in his campaign to pry Kacey away from her current boyfriend, [[Liquid Chris]], even managing to meet her in person on multiple occasions. Later, though, the relationship collapsed under the weight of Chris's bizarre and disturbing behavior.

The opening months of [[2010]] saw Chris land himself in romantic misadventures both in reality and online. He managed to pry himself out of his room for a while and in the process meet a real person, [[The Wallflower]]. Like Megan, however, she rebuffed all his attempts at a more-than-friendly relationship, and eventually cut off all contact with him. Meanwhile, one of his [[The Hook Cafe|online personal ads]] led to an [[Jackie e-mails|extended conversation]] with another potential sweetheart, but Chris tripped over his duck long before he ever got a chance to meet "Jackie" in real life.

Chris maintains a profile on OKCupid, but does not seem to have visited in several months. His OKCupid profile is about what you would expect in terms of portraying himself and demanding what he expects from the girl in the relationship.

==Beyond the 'Net==
Chris's stated ambition to [[100 2189|leave the Internet forever]] suggests that he may return to looking for love in the real world. His visit to the Charlottesville [[Fridays After Five]] event in June 2010 featured a drastically shortened version of the old Attraction Sign scrawled across the front of his [[muscle bra|sports bra]].

Whether he'll stick with this approach remains to be seen, however. He has never been able to stay away from the Internet for long, and it's hard to imagine that his current strategy for pulling girls in real life will work out very well for him.

Despite this, Chris believed he had found another way to attract females, this time via the [[Flipnote Hatena]], which is (despite being accessed on a DSi) still on the internet. Between 17 June and 2 July 2010, Chris ignored Flipnote Hatena's "family friendly" policies and attempted to use it like a dating site. A lot of Chris's tags towards the female members were flirtatious to a point, and he even [[For Women ONLY|made a Flipnote]] calling out to every woman he had tagged or tagged him. However, despite the trolls swarming in to attack, non-troll responses were made by girls he tagged, [[pedofork|most of whom were in their tweens to early teens]].

==Fuck Side Quest Completed==

On 12 April 2012, the following status message from Chris's [[Facebook]] was leaked:

[[File:Virginbreaker.png]]

Given the short time it took for them to meet and do the nasty (in ''her'' room, no less), her comparing him to her last partner and [[Lie|telling him what he wants to hear]] about his [[Duck|dick]], and the extremely telling fact that Chris does not consider her a sweetheart (saying his 'sweetheart-to-be' will find out about this), it seems rather plausible. In retrospect, it makes a [[Hooker_incident|certain statement]] he made to a certain [[Clyde Cash|troll]] all the more hilarious, where he states that him getting a hooker would not be the ideal way for his "Love Quest" to end.

==The Quest Returns==

After a long period of Chris ignoring it, the Love Quest returned at the start of [[November 2015]] when he uploaded [[HelloLadyFans]].

==Promotional Images==
During his Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Needless to say, it had the opposite effect.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0773-CWC23.JPG|You'll never guess what I just swallowed.
Image:0775-CWCCDPose.JPG|[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Way past cool!]]
Image:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|Shredding some hot licks on my [[Gitar of Fail|gitar]]!!
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|10/10 Would bang.
Image:0778-CWCPin.JPG|Staring at the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] while tanning.
Image:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|Baby got back!
Image:0780-CWCrelax.JPG|Are you craving my delicious inner thighs?
Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|I've been waiting for you...
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = LOVEQUEST
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MC-4GDBDa8A}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2012]]
| maker = Spelling Bee
| type = }}

==See also==
*[[Attraction images]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Hard Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Story of My Current Days]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

HelloLadyFans

2015-11-02T14:32:59Z

Monotreme:

'''HelloLadyFans''' is a video Chris uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 1 [[November 2015]], where he tries to continue his ever lasting [[Love Quest]]. It shows Chris just after presumably taking a shower. It also shows how [[Naive|Chris has yet to learn anything]] as he gives a Gmail account for anyone who wishes to talk to him, as long as its a [[Sweetheart|girl]]. Unlike his videos from [[October 2015|last month]], this one was age-restricted as per YouTube's Community Guidelines.

==Description==

{{quotebox|Only Email me at Anightinchristine@gmail.com, please. I personally look forward to meeting and getting better acquainted with the ladies who like me from the distance. AND Honesty is always a positive turn on for me, so please use your real name when emailing me; No [[Chris and English|anonymosity]] at all, please.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = HelloLadyFriends
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hICl_2RNnBg}}
| stardate = 01 [[November 2015]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Sex|text}} {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia]]
| next = n/a
}}

==Transcription==
'''Chris:''' Hello to all my lucky lady fans. [''Chris grabs the towel on his head''] Yes, I just got out of the shower, I feel clean again... well it gets lonely here in [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. I feel like I might want to date some of y'all, [''Chris shows more cleavage''] maybe we get to know each other you know? Heave a pleasent dinner or just have a conversational break of a coffee, [[Chris and English|conversational break of a coffee,]] see how things go, see how we feel around each other yeah maybe I'll eventually find my [[sweetheart]] among y'all... see how things go you know? I'm open to all kinds of [[china|women]] 'cause you get the whole package in one, the female soul and the body that can go anywhere you desire [''Chris shows his bra under his shirt'']... My ladies straight, bisexual, lesbian I'll take y'all, because I'm this [[Chris and reality|overlooked treasure.]] I should not be ignored or overlooked any longer. [''Chris approaches his bed''] We should start to know each other, my loyal lady fans, who of course I'm talking to y'all, so just contact me in the email address up on by... underneath this video and we`ll set up a lovely date between the two of us hmm, one weekend y'all come visit, maybe get you a hotel room y'all, or just expend a lovely evening together or something [unintelligible]... Well, get to me, talk to me, see if we have do see if we click or not... Hmmm. Lovely lovely times to be shared, and even if things don't work out in the long run, you still get a new friend in me anyway. and I pinky promise on there, thank y'all for your chimmin and what not. [''Chris flashes his cleavage once more before ending the video'']

HelloLadyFans

2015-11-02T14:30:40Z

Monotreme: Description

'''HelloLadyFans''' is a video Chris uploaded on 1 [[November 2015]], where he tries to continue his ever lasting [[Love Quest]]. It shows Chris just after presumably taking a shower. It also shows how [[Naive|Chris has yet to learn anything]] as he gives a Gmail account for anyone who wishes to talk to him, as long as its a [[Sweetheart|girl]].

==Description==

{quotebox|Only Email me at Anightinchristine@gmail.com, please. I personally look forward to meeting and getting better acquainted with the ladies who like me from the distance. AND Honesty is always a positive turn on for me, so please use your real name when emailing me; No [[Chris and English|anonymosity]] at all, please.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = HelloLadyFriends
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hICl_2RNnBg}}
| stardate = 01 [[November 2015]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Sex|text}} {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia]]
| next = n/a
}}

==Transcription==
'''Chris:''' Hello to all my lucky lady fans. [''Chris grabs the towel on his head''] Yes, I just got out of the shower, I feel clean again... well it gets lonely here in [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. I feel like I might want to date some of y'all, [''Chris shows more cleavage''] maybe we get to know each other you know? Heave a pleasent dinner or just have a conversational break of a coffee, [[Chris and English|conversational break of a coffee,]] see how things go, see how we feel around each other yeah maybe I'll eventually find my [[sweetheart]] among y'all... see how things go you know? I'm open to all kinds of [[china|women]] 'cause you get the whole package in one, the female soul and the body that can go anywhere you desire [''Chris shows his bra under his shirt'']... My ladies straight, bisexual, lesbian I'll take y'all, because I'm this [[Chris and reality|overlooked treasure.]] I should not be ignored or overlooked any longer. [''Chris approaches his bed''] We should start to know each other, my loyal lady fans, who of course I'm talking to y'all, so just contact me in the email address up on by... underneath this video and we`ll set up a lovely date between the two of us hmm, one weekend y'all come visit, maybe get you a hotel room y'all, or just expend a lovely evening together or something [unintelligible]... Well, get to me, talk to me, see if we have do see if we click or not... Hmmm. Lovely lovely times to be shared, and even if things don't work out in the long run, you still get a new friend in me anyway. and I pinky promise on there, thank y'all for your chimmin and what not. [''Chris flashes his cleavage once more before ending the video'']

November 2015

2015-11-02T14:26:50Z

Monotreme: Added video link.

{{Ongoing}}

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]].

==Events==
* 1 November Chris uploads one of the creepiest videos since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began,"[[HelloLadyFans]]".
* 26 November - Thanksgiving.

{{Timeline}}

HelloLadyFans

2015-11-02T14:23:36Z

Monotreme: Spelling fixes.

'''HelloLadyFans''' is a video Chris uploaded on 1 [[November 2015]], where he tries to continue his ever lasting [[Love Quest]]. It shows Chris just after presumably taking a shower. It also shows how [[Naive|Chris has yet to learn anything]] as he gives a Gmail account for anyone who wishes to talk to him, as long as its a [[Sweetheart|girl]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = HelloLadyFriends
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hICl_2RNnBg}}
| stardate = 01 [[November 2015]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Sex|text}} {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia]]
| next = n/a
}}

==Transcription==
'''Chris:''' Hello to all my lucky lady fans [''Chris grabs the towel on his head''] yes, I just got out of the shower, I feel clean again... well it gets lonely here in [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. I feel like I might want to date some of y'all, [''Chris shows more cleavage''] maybe we get to know each other you know? Heave a pleasent dinner or just have a conversational break of a coffee, [[Chris and English|conversational break of a coffee,]] see how things go, see how we feel around each other yeah maybe I'll eventually find my [[sweetheart]] among y'all... see how things go you know? I'm open to all kinds of [[china|women]] 'cause you get the whole package in one, the female soul and the body that can go anywhere you desire [''Chris shows his bra under his shirt'']... My ladies straight, bisexual, lesbian I'll take y'all, because I'm this [[Chris and reality|overlooked treasure.]] I should not be ignored or overlooked any longer. [''Chris approaches his bed''] We should start to know each other, my loyal lady fans, who of course I'm talking to y'all, so just contact me in the email address up on by... underneath this video and we`ll set up a lovely date between the two of us hmm, one weekend y'all come visit, maybe get you a hotel room y'all, or just expend a lovely evening together or something [unintelligible]... Well, get to me, talk to me, see if we have do see if we click or not... Hmmm. Lovely lovely times to be shared, and even if things don't work out in the long run, you still get a new friend in me anyway. and I pinky promise on there, thank y'all for your chimmin and what not. [''Chris flashes his cleavage once more before ending the video'']

Sonichu (comic)

2015-10-29T23:44:50Z

Monotreme:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:SonichuLogo.png|center|Man's ultimate Rorschach test.]]

{{quote|[[Chris and art|My art]] speaks for me.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>}}

'''''Sonichu''''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s official poorly-[[Art|drawn]] and [[Chris and writing|written]] comic book about the adventures and travails that befell "[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|him]]" and his (imaginary) friends. Despite starting out as a comic about the titular character, it quickly turned into a wish-fulfillment outlet for Chris and his depraved fantasies, with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] being a main character in name only, playing second fiddle to Chris's almighty [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]] self-insert.

==Introduction==
[[Image:SonicVsSonichu.jpg|thumb|180px|[[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comics)|THE WORLD'S MOST WAY PAST COOL COMIC!]]]]

The inadvertent shattering of his heart from [[Sarah Hammer]], along with the expulsion from English class and the confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], provided the impetus for Christian to kick-start the comic series in full force. It initially served as a complement to his [[Love Quest]] as a feeble attempt to link an accomplishment, or boost his own self-worth to unsuspecting prey; after all, [[Sonichu]] ''is'' "Zappin' to the Extreme!" He is Christian Weston Chandler's ''only'' son, and the first ''way past cooler'' [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]!

The comics series was originally hosted on the various incarnations of Christian's [[Sonichu site|homepage]] (as seen in the [[CWCipedia]] archive). In 2013 he began to upload the comics as albums on his [[Facebook]] page, and he affirmed in 2015, when he picked up the comic again, that this would be the place to find new pages. In [[September 2015]] he finally began to sell printed and autographed issues on [[Etsy]] and Lulu.com. The comic was originally promoted from now-defunct ''Sonichu'' business cards, and he has since graduated to flyers. Each new addition to the series proudly sports a "To be continued..." disclaimer page. In fact, the comics are not updated with any regular frequency: in five years, Chris has yet to complete twelve issues, even though he has zero responsibilities and unlimited free time.

==Reader's Guide to ''Sonichu''==

===How-to and Overview===
[[Image:JargonPage.jpg|thumb|180px|The ever infamous JARGON page.]]
[[Image:ComicTBCont.jpg|thumb|180px|TO BE CONTINUED (c.) 2001-????]]

The ''Sonichu'' series began with issue #0 instead of #1, and each issue contained multiple separately-numbered "episodes", so [[trolls|readers]] often lost track of which story happened in which issue. For example, [[Black Sonichu]] was introduced in Episode #4, which was the fifth story in the overall series and the first story in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], which was in turn the second comic. Further confounding matters were the [[Sub-Episodes]] about Christian's [[Love Quest]], which appeared in issues #0-4, and were numbered separately from the main stories.

Issues #0 and #1 featured [[Sonichu]] as the unchallenged star of the series, with [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] as a supporting character also appearing in the backup strips. By issue #2, the comic had abruptly transitioned to Christian encountering people from his real life in shitty [[anime]] battles. Token attempts to tell Sonichu stories and introduce Sonichu spin-off characters were made in #3, but all pretense was dropped in #4-#7 as the series becomes a vehicle for Christian, as the leader of a heroic [[Chaotic Combo|band of recolors]], to battle against [[Mary Lee Walsh|a college dean]], a group of ineffectual [[Jerkop|security guards]], [[manajerks|store managers]], and later on, [[trolls|internet trolls]] and [[Alec Benson Leary|other people who made fun of the comic]]. Originally it was mostly innocent and harmless, being the by-product of a simple man with a childish imagination, until it became an outlet to call out trolls, explore his depraved [[Sonichu 8|sexual desires]] and live out his [[Sonichu 10|violent revenge fantasies]].

The comic series was presented as if it were a cartoon or [[anime]] (which might explain why the comics mimic visual effects that work in an audiovisual context but fail on paper), and was encapsulated into ''seasons'' with various episodes (or "series", for our Eurofag friends). [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was intended to wrap up the "first season" of ''Sonichu''. This opened a can of worms as to the current vision of the comics: was ''Sonichu'' intended to be the hit action/adventure soap-opera TV show that is broadcast in [[CWCville]], or was it the historical documentation of Christian's and Sonichu's life and times? Perhaps it was destined to be the Gospel from the Stay-at-Home Autistic Virgin Male, [[Chris and religion#Delusions of Godhood.3F|''hallowed be His name'']]. Either way, it remained unanswered whether Christian continues on with the series because he has a vain, misguided belief that some TRUE and HONEST soul would consider these as "storyboards" for proper licensing and production.

===Art imitating life===
Sensing some criticism for the self-centeredness of his work, Christian wrote himself out of the series toward the end of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], trapping the Christian character in the [[Time Void]] so that the storyline could focus on other characters. Despite this, Sonichu still served as a strong Mary Sue character, as seen in Sonichu fighting [[4-cent garbage.com]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], as well as the clear Sue tendencies of [[Reginald Sneasel]].

He returned from the Time Void at the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], giving all non-Chris characters approximately one issue to have the spotlight to themselves, during which they mostly talked about how much they loved Chris and hoped he would return safely. On the final page of the issue, Chris claimed that he would write himself out of the series permanently, giving his characters the opportunity to shine on their own. He went back on this promise almost the moment he made it — issue #10 is one of the most Christian-centric of the entire series.

Following the theft of his [[Medallions of Fail]] by [[Blanca]], Christian immediately released a new comic adapting the theft into his canon and explaining that the TRUE source of his power lay in his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Since this story was necessarily set after Christian escapes the Time Void, it was deemed a special preview of ''Sonichu'' #10, despite the fact that Chris had at that point not finished ''Sonichu'' #8 nor begun ''Sonichu'' #9.

Chris started ''Sonichu'' #11 in [[December 2009]] and completed ''Sonichu'' #10 in [[February 2010]]. He produced a revised ending to issue #10 in [[October 2010]].<ref>[[Book10Replacement]]</ref> After a long inspirationless lull, he began churning out new pages of Sonichu #11 in [[September 2015]].

Chris has claimed that in total, he plans to complete 50 to 100 issues in his lifetime.<ref>[[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]</ref>

==Currently==
{{Quote|I have not ended Sonichu; I only lost inspiration to draw, thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}

On 27 [[May 2010]], Chris announced that he was abandoning the [[CWCipedia]] to the trolls. On 30 [[October 2010]], Chris claimed that the trolls drained his creativity and scared him away from drawing any more ''Sonichu''.<ref>[[DrainedCreativity]]</ref>

On 27 February [[2013]], Chris wrote in a [[Facebook]] post that he might continue, but probably won't.
{{Quote|When I was online with my comic pages, I had never really planned ahead as I should have with releases and such. I was an amateur, I got scared off, I still feel very timid. I am not making any promises with anything for the future. Nobody in my comicverse is dead. Do not have any expectations of me.}}

On 10 [[January 2014]], Chris's house [[Destruction Of Chris's House|was gutted by a fire]]. This potentially means that all of Chris's artwork, including the master copies of the ''Sonichu'' comics, may be permanently lost, but Chris did manage to save his Nintendo DSi, so they possibly survived. They also continue to survive in digital form all across the internet and this very wiki.

In a Facebook post on April 2015, Chris stated that if Sonichu was released as downloadable content for the fourth iteration of the ''Super Smash Bros.'' video game, he would ''consider'' resuming the Sonichu comics. Needless to say, the probability of either of these possibilities is slim to none.

A [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#New Comics?|Facebook post]] in August 2015, while Chris was enthusiastically selling his [[Sonichu Amiibo|<s>knockoff</s> "official" Amiibo figures]], seemed to imply Chris was once again interested in returning to the comics;
{{Quote|I am setting up an opportunity for me to get back to drawing the pages, and getting Paid too[...]}}

On 4 [[September 2015]], Chris confirmed the rumors as true and finally added new content to ''Sonichu'' for the first time in 5 years. 11 new pages were added to [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' 11]] that day, with more pages added to the album "maybe every other week"; however, he cannot make any promises due to "unforeseeable variables and circumstances."

==The Sonichu canon==

===Official releases===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Episode
! style="background:silver;" width=20% | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot Summary
|-
| rowspan="5"|[[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 0|'''''Sonichu'' #0''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #1
| "Sonichu's Orgin"
| Sonichu and Rosechu are created by the Chaotic Rainbow. Kel adopts Rosechu. ''First appearance of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Kel]], and [[Rosechu]]. Only appearance of [[Perfect Chaos]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #2
| Sonichu in "Genesis of the Lovehogs"
| Sonichu, [[obesity|hungry]] and lonesome, follows Rosechu home to Kel. They fall in love.
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #3
| "Sonichu vs. Naitcirhc" [''sic'']
| Sonichu and Rosechu go shopping; Naitsirhc tries to kidnap Rosechu but Sonichu fights off his Zapdos and rescues Rosechu. Mayor Chris congratulates him. ''First appearance of [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].''
|-
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"Classic Sonichu Strips"
| Random stupid stories with Sonichu. ''First appearance of [[Black Sonichu]] (Blake), [[Jerkops]], and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Only appearances of [[Metonic]], [[Vamprosa]], and [[Barbara Chandler]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #1
| "Christian Chandler in ''Jerkop-tastropie''"
| Chris is [[Calling Out|called out]] by a manajerk and transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu to fight him and the jerkops off.
|-
| rowspan="4"|[[File:issueone.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 1|'''''Sonichu'' #1''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #4
| "Black Sonichu in ''Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!''"
| The origin of Blake! ''First appearance of [[Doctor Robotnik]], [[Giovanni]], and [[Bill the Scientist]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #5
| "Sonichu in ''Informal Meeting''"
| Blake kidnaps Rosechu. Sonic and Sonichu run into each other and then team up.
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #6
| "Sonic & Sonichu ''Black Metal Combat''"
| Sonic and Sonichu fight Robotnik's latest creation. ''Only appearance of [[Metal Sonichu]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #2
| "Christian Chandler in ''The Rise & Fall of My Heart''"
| The comic version of Chris's encounter with Hanna. ''Only appearance of [[Hanna]].''
|-
| rowspan="4"|[[File:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 2|'''''Sonichu'' #2''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #7
| "Sonichu in ''Anchuent Prophecy''"
| Chris takes over the story as his Sonichu medallion unleashes the power of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. ''First appearance of [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Wes Iseli]], and the [[Ancient Leader of the Cherokee Clan]].'' ''Only appearance of the Keeper of the Destiny Cave.''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #8
| "Christian Chandler in ''Chaos & Serenity''"
| The three empowered hedgehogs meet and fight. ''First appearance of [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #9
| "Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in ''The Evil that Stomped CWCville''"
| Saramah breaks up with Wes-Li as Slaweel the Witch makes her first big attack on CWCville! ''First appearance of [[Count Graduon]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #3
| "Christian Chandler & Sonichu in ''Witch Confront''"
| Chris and Sonichu confront Slaweel!
|-
| rowspan="3"|[[File:Issue3.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 3|'''''Sonichu'' #3''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #10
| "Sonichu Babies"
| The origins of the Chaotic Combo! ''First appearances of [[Wild Sonichu]], [[Bubbles Rosechu]], [[Magi-Chan]], [[Angelica Rosechu]], [[Punchy Sonichu]], [[Sonee and Rosey]]. Only appearance of Nabe, [[Mypoe]], and the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #11
| "The Chaotic Combo in ''When Hedgehogs Meet''"
| Blake steals the Master Sunstone and the Chaotic Combo unite! ''Only appearance of [[Flame the Sunbird]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #4
| "Christian Chandler in ''McAttack''"
| Chris is attacked in the M-C-D-ville by two Manajerks! ''First appearance of [[B-Manajerk]], [[Merried Seinor Comic]], [[W-M Manajerk]], and [[Darkbind Sonichu]].'' ''Only appearance of Super Chris-chan Sonichu.''
|-
| rowspan="8"|[[File:Issue4.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 4|'''''Sonichu'' #4''']]
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #1
| "Christian Chandler in ''Jerkop-tastropie''"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #0.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #2
| "Christian Chandler in ''The Rise & Fall of My Heart''"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #1.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #3
| "Christian Chandler & Sonichu in ''Witch Confront''"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #2.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #4
| "Christian Chandler in ''McAttack''"
| Reprinted from ''Sonichu'' #3.
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #5
| "Christian Chandler in ''McAttack Part 2''"
| Crystal appears to save the day as the W-M Manajerk attacks! ''First appearance of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]] and [[W-M Manajerk]]. Last appearance of the [[Ancient Leader of the Cherokee Clan]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #6
| "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"
| Chris gives us an inside look at the Jerkops. ''First appearance of [[ScotPalazzo]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #7
| "Christian Chandler in ''Off-Target''"
| Bagget arrives to attack Chris! ''First appearance of [[Bagget]] and [[Crackder]].''
|-
|bgcolor="blue" height="10px"|
| Sub-Episode #8
| "Christian Chandler in ''Off-Target Part 2''"
| Chris is taken captive, but is rescued by Crystal!
|-
| rowspan="2"|[[File:SchuComic6Cover.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 5|'''''Sonichu'' #5''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #12
| "Christian Chandler in ''My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding''"
| Chris attends Sarah Hammer's wedding, which is spoiled by Wes-Li Sonichu. Chris, with the aid of [[Megan Schroeder]], saves the day. ''First appearance of [[Megagi La Skunk]].'' ''Only appearances of [[William Spicer]] and [[Sailor Megtune]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #13
| "Shattered Hearts & Entrapment"
| Slaweel initiates an attack on CWCville, leading to Crystal getting trapped in the mirror! ''First appearance of [[DJ Jamsta]].''
|-
| rowspan="2"|[[File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 6|'''''Sonichu'' #6''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #12.5
| "One Lucky Dog"
| Chris's dog, Patti, is transported to CWCville and becomes an anthropomorphic dog with magic powers. ''First appearances of [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Allison Amber]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #14
| "Evil is Afoot!"
| Chris and the Chaotic Combo begin their quest for the Sonichu Balls as Reldnahc makes his appearance. ''First appearance of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].''
|-
| rowspan="3"|[[File:Sonichu Issue 7.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 7|'''''Sonichu'' #7''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #15
| "Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Christian in ''Time for a Ball''"
| Chris learns the location of one of the [[Sonichu Balls]] and goes to get it. ''Only appearance of [[Sammy]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #16
| "C.W.C. and Sonichu in ''Time Hogs''"
| Chris and Sonichu retrieve a Sonichu Ball, only for Chris to be lost in the [[Time Void]].
|-
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!"
| DJ Jamsta interviews Blanca and Jiggliami. ''First appearance of [[Jiggliami]] and [[Blanca]].'' ''Only appearance of [[Robert Simmons V]].''
|-
|rowspan="2"|[[File:Sonichu8.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 8|'''''Sonichu'' #8''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #17
| "Rage Against the Garbage"
| After sex, Sonichu and Rosechu learn about [[4-cent garbage.com]] and go to confront Jason Kendrick Howell over his work. They get a Sonichu Ball for their trouble. ''First appearance of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and [[The Incredible Lioness]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #18
| "Spring Break, 2008"
| Silvana makes her move as Jiggliami warns the others of her plans and they get another Sonichu Ball. ''First appearance of [[Zapina]], [[Simonla Rosechu]], and [[Silvana]].'' ''Last appearance of [[Jiggliami]] and Blanca.'' ''Only appearance of [[Yawning Squirtle]].''
|-
|rowspan="2"| [[File:SchuComic9.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 9|'''''Sonichu'' #9''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #19
| "Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)"
| THRILL to the wonder that is Chris's Dating Education classes! ''First appearances of [[Reginald Sneasel]], [[Layla]], and Rita Jackaras.'' ''Only appearance of Ms. Jackaras.''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #20
| "CWC-Defense"
| The PVCC mounts a massive attack on CWCVille! Chris is later pulled out of the Time Void. ''First appearance of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]] and the [[Power Rangers]].'' ''Only appearance of [[BILLY MAYS]].''
|-
| [[File:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 10|'''''Sonichu'' #10''']]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #21
| "Christian Chandler in ''Director Amenities''"
| [[Ego|Chris rains holy hell on all his enemies!]] ''First appearance of [[Clyde Cash]], [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Lovely Weather]], [[Asperchu]], [[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)]], Metal Asperchu, the [[Asperpedia Four]], and [[Sandy Rosechu]].'' ''Deaths of Reldnahc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Asperchu, Clyde Cash, Jack Thaddeus, Chaotic Combo (Asperchu), Metal Asperchu, the Asperpedia Four, Slaweel the Witch, homosexuality, asexuality, and Simonla.''
|-
| rowspan="2"|[[File:Issue 11 Cover.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 11|'''''Sonichu'' #11''']]
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"A Sonichu Christmas"
| [[Christmas]] is coming, and Sonichu, Rosechu, and their children faff about the place doing nothing of importance. Cera befriends [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]], a ''[[Peanuts]]''-type character. Robbie and Sonichu help a homeless woman. [[Simonla Rosechu]] miraculously recovers from her execution.

''First appearance of [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]], [[Stephanie]].'' ''Resurrection of [[Simonla Rosechu]].''
|-
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Episode #22
| "[Clip Show Episode]"
| Chris has stated that "The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed."<ref>[[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]]</ref>
|-
| [[File:Issue 12 Cover.jpg|150px]] [[Sonichu 12|'''''Sonichu'' #12''']]
|bgcolor="white" height="10px"|
| colspan="2"|"A Sonichu Christmas" (Continuation)
| Continuation of the [[Christmas]] special.<ref>[[CWC_Blog#14_February_2010]]</ref>
|}

===Special editions===
These special issues were one-offs intended for [[gal pal|specific audiences]], but subsequently obtained by trolls and publicly released.

{|class="wikitable" style="text-align:center;"
! style="background:silver; | Image
! style="background:silver; width=20% | Issue
! style="background:silver; width=20% | Informal Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot Summary
|-
| [[File:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|150px]]
| [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special #1'']]
| CWC Holding Out For a Hero
| style = "text-align:left;"| Chris rescues Ivy from the clutches of "Cly". ''First appearances of [[Ivy]] and [[Clyde Cash]].''
|-
| [[File:IvyWedding.jpg|150px]]
| [[Sonichu Special 2|''Sonichu Special #2'']]
| Wedding Comic
| style = "text-align:left;"| The fail-tastic union of Chris and Ivy. ''Only appearances of Spas the Cat, Canino Houndhowl, Lilith, Rachel, [[Ching Chong]], and the unnamed priest.''
|-
| [[File:SchuComicSP3P5.jpg|150px]]
| [[Sonichu Special 3|''Sonichu Special #3'']]
| Giant Penis Comic
| style = "text-align:left;"| The even more fail-tastic honeymoon of Chris and Ivy. ''Last appearances of [[Ivy]] and [[Officer Keino]].''
|-
| [[File:SchuComicSP4P3.jpg|150px]]
| [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special #4'']]
| Gun Comic
| style = "text-align:left;"| [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] "rescues" [[Kacey]] from [[CChanSonichuCWC]] (though it's unclear why Kacey needs to be rescued if she's in a consensual relationship with Liquid), shoots Liquid in the shins, and then makes out with Kacey. ''Only appearances of [[Kacey]], Kacey's mom, [[Matthew Devoria]], and [[Liquid Chris]].''
|}

==Marketing==
In his [[August 2009]] [[resume|résumé]], Chris stated that his dream was to "get me paper-published with a comic book company like Archie, Marvel, DC or Dark Horse comics." He finally made this happen--sort of--in [[September 2015]], when he discovered [[Wikipedia:Lulu (company)|Lulu.com]] and put a bound copy of Sonichu #0 for sale for ten bucks. A print version of Book #1 appeared the following month. Although his Lulu account disappeared from public view after about a week, he continued to offer the books (autographed upon request) on [[Etsy]]. He made routine updates on [[Facebook]].

A recipient of the first issue provided a review:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/9-23-15-printed-number-zero-book-now-available-through-lulu.12833/page-5#post-1014307]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|The cover is pixelated and shitty, Chris really obviously just stretched out whatever resized image he happened to have on his PC at the time, rather than rescan the original or do anything that required any effort.

The spine is completely fucked up, and spills over onto the back of the book, making it totally useless -- the bottom half of text can't be viewed from the side. If by some shitty reason you ever wanted to buy multiple future issues to put on your shelf, you'd never be able to tell which one is which. I don't know if this is because he just copied/pasted a book spine he ''assumed'' would work, or if he really underestimated how big the book would be. Probably both. The result is that the cover is one of the worst things in comic history. It honestly is so poorly done and so low quality that if Chris wasn't ''saying'' it was his I would assume this was a troll attempt to make him look bad.

The back cover is significantly less pixelated, but still looks like garbage because it is, of course, drawn all in markers and pen by Chris.

The paper used is matte and looks like the lowest quality/cheapest option he could get it printed on. Someone else mentioned it looks like "draft" quality and that pictures make it better -- it seriously is so ugly and the resolution so low, it looks like a test page, and I can't even capture how shitty it is on camera. I've purchased comics from Lulu before, and they weren't nearly this bad, so there must be varying levels of publishing quality (or Lulu themselves has dropped in quality significantly -- it's been years) and Chris picked the worst.

So, it's exactly what you expect. Low quality and no effort by Chris other than uploading it. He didn't even check to see if things fit on the ''cover''.}}

As advertised on Etsy:

===Printed and Autographed Sonichu #0 Comic Book===
{{Main|Sonichu 0}}
{{quotebox|
$10.00

'''Overview'''

* Handmade item
* Materials: paper, ink
* Made to order
* Ships worldwide from Ruckersville, Virginia

'''Item Details'''

This is a Preorder of a Printed version of my first Sonichu Comic Book, #0. It will be in Comic Book size and paper format. The reserve price is an estimate, and it allows room for the print set of Book #1, which follows Book #0.

See the hand drawn beginnings of Sonichu and Rosechu, as well as their classic and romantic coming together and meet, the meeting and battle against [[Naitsirhc]], a few past drawn classic comic strips, and the first of a few [[sub-episodes]] featuring the artist/author, years before finding herself, feeling lost and searching for true love from friendship, intended, but finds constant troubles from the past goons of her arch nemesis, [[Count Graduon]] (with holstered help from the witch, [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Ryam]]).

(Of which SEGA is still quoted for their Sonic characters, but I have my own personal copyright on Sonichu, Rosechu, and everything else therein. Also, any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of my own, that may seem similar to anyone in real life or wherever else, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic, and not cannon to their source stories and/or formats). Also, the legal page, and the corner author note on the front will be updated to respectively match my current name and other related items. The contents of this and the other completed and future books have been edited to allow the age range to be for the TV-Y7 and above.

It will take me a week or two to put together the pages into the publishing site's template size, uploading them there, and then it will take up to another four weeks for them to print and ship the books to me, so I can autograph them and send them each off to each person who will have reserved a copy. Therefore, the estimated wait time for the books' full completion will be as late as the end of October of this year.

Also, please do continue to show me your support by buying a medal, an amiibo figure, or donate towards my creation and peace of mind cause. Thank You, and have a Great and Safe Day.

<center><gallery>
File:Issuezero.jpg
File:E0p2.jpg
File:E0p3.jpg
File:E0p4.jpg
File:E0p5.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

On 23 September, Chris edited the first paragraph of this description to read:

{{quotebox|
<nowiki>**</nowiki>Please note: This book is now available from its matching listing on [[Wikipedia:Lulu (company)|lulu.com]]. ONLY by ordering it through me, will I have the chance to personally autograph your copy of the book for you. Otherwise, you may go to the listing on lulu.com and order a physical copy for yourself there as well. My price here covers shipping from there to me, and then to you. Thank you.}}

In the second week of October, however, his Lulu account went down, and he had to change this again:

{{quotebox|
<nowiki>**</nowiki>Please note: This is the ONLY way to order the book; I have it printed through Lulu.com (the listing there is only viewable to me); anyhow, I stil have the liberty to personally autograph your copy of the book for you. If you do not wish it autographed, please select the Variation Option of "Not Autographed Book". The advantage of having it not autographed, being I can order it from the printer and have it shipped to your address, but it won't be in a comic book sleeve. And each copy sent from me will be shipped in a plastic Comic Book Sleeve with cardboard lining, inside a large envelope. My price here covers shipping from there to me, and then to you. Thank you.}}

===Printed and Autographed Sonichu #1 Comic Book===
{{Main|Sonichu 1}}

The description text was more or less identical to that for Sonichu #0.

{{quotebox|
$10.00

'''Item Details'''

In this book, see the genetic cloning of Sonichu, with an accidental dose of cherry cola, resulting in Blake Sonichu. Teaming up in the conclusion to the accident in Book 0, Sonichu and Sonic work together to rescue Rosechu from a Team Rocket, USA Division, crew and robotics scientists, Dr. Ren Skysoar, and his robotic creation.

<center><gallery>
File:Issueone.jpg
File:Son1p1.jpg
File:Son1p4.jpg
File:E1p11.jpg
File:Son1p27.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

==Adaptations and related work==
* ''Sonichu'' Remake
* ''Sonichu Issue #11 Smack Jeeves - A continuation of the comic series but, not done in a Chris fashion.
* ''Sonichu'' Finale
* [[Audiobooks|''Sonichu'': The Audiobook Saga (TM)]]
* ''Sonichu: The Animated Series''
* ''Sonichu R'' - A rewrite on ff.net.
* ''Sonichu The Mysterious Hedgimon'' - A re imagining on wattpad.com
* ''Sonichu'' Fan Continuation Project - A fan continuation on sonichufancontinuation.wordpress.com
* ''Sonichu Unleashed'' - Fan Continuation on Deviantart

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu_Comic_Collection CWCipedia comic archive (Episode #20 updates included)]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/Sonichu TV Tropes: ''Sonichu'']
* [http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html Video stating that ''Sonichu'' is too bad to be featured on Atop the Fourth Wall, which reviews bad comics.]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Comic]]

October 2015

2015-10-28T13:51:21Z

Monotreme:

{{Ongoing}}

'''October''' is the 10th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It marked the first court date for the [[26 December 2014]] incident since [[July 2015]]. Those who expected another continuance were left surprised when this turned out to be the real deal--Chris was found guilty, and was let off with a fine of $541 and a suspension sentence of 180 days (the sentence of which will only be carried out if Chris gets in trouble with the law again during the probation period). Local [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwi Farmers]] also reported that Chris's ban from the [[Fashion Square Mall]] was lifted (except for the bans put into effect by the businesses at the mall, so he is still banned from [[GameStop]]).

==Events==
* 1 October - [[Barb]] celebrates her 74th birthday.
* 2 October - Chris claims victory in the [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|blue arms]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|debacle]], due to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] being his non-blue-armed form in ''[[Nintendo|Mario]] & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games''. He says this is the final update for the group, but [[Omar Woodley|only time will tell]] if he's [[List of Chris's lies|stating the truth]].
* 4 October - Chris announces that he plans on selling [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibo]] based on his personification of [[autism]].
* 4 October - Chris' comments get him banned from an Amiibo Facebook group.
* 8 October - A full list of Sonichu Amiibo is published on Facebook, as well a statement claiming that these may be the last ever produced.
* 9 October - [[Slaweel Ryam]], [[Count Graduon]], and [[Jerkop]] grunts are confirmed to be immortalized in Amiibo form.
* 9 October - A [[fan]] shouts at Chris from a passing car, forcing him to give him the flippy finger and gain mental [[stress]].
* 13 October - Chris uploads [[Super Smash Bros. Videos|five videos]] of himself playing ''[[Nintendo|Super Smash Bros.]]'' for [[Wii]] U, showcasing his custom Miis.
* 15 October - Chris's sixth court date. He winds up guilty for the GameStop incident, and was fined $541 and let off with a 180-day probation. Chris's ban from the Fashion Square Mall itself was also lifted. He doesn't get a single day in jail.
* 15 October - Chris reveals his prototype autism Amiibo to Facebook.
* 17 October - Chris shows off an alternate version of his [[Angelica Rosechu|Angelica]] Amiibo.
* 18 October - Chris shows off a special edition 50th Sonichu Amiibo.
* 18 October - Chris announces a contest to guess the name of Robotnik's replacement character in [[Sonichu 1]].
* 20 October - The revised version of Sonichu 1 is uploaded, replacing Dr. Robotnik with [[Ren Skysoar]].
* 20 October - ''[[Guitar Hero]] Live'' is released.
* 25 October - "[[Thank You from Christine Chandler]]" is uploaded to Youtube. Chris offers a thank you to the customers that buy Sonichu Amiibo.
* 25 October - Sixteen new pages of ''[[Sonichu 11]]'' are published.
* 28 October - Chris adds two new pages to ''[[Sonichu 1]]''.
* 31 October - [[Halloween]].

{{Timeline}}

Super Smash Bros. Videos

2015-10-27T03:37:08Z

Monotreme:

'''Super Smash Bros.''' is a popular series of fighting games by [[Nintendo]]. Through [[2015]] Chris devoted considerable attention to these games, especially evidenced by his custom [[Amiibo]] enabling himself and his cherished [[Sonichu]] characters to duke it out. He asked his fans to make Sonichu a downloadable character in the game. On 13 [[October 2015]], Chris uploaded five boring [[videos]] onto [[YouTube]] featuring battles among his imaginary friends and enemies. Two more appeared on 17 October, and an eighth one was uploaded on 25 October 2015.

==Videos==
===CWC Mii Showcase===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / 8-Player Smash

Pyrosphere (Ω Form)

Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Mii Showcase
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tTPncjK7woQ}}
| stardate = 13 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Impulse Gay Social Club|Wooooo!]]
| next = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Jerkops and Janekops|Jerkops and Janekops]]
}}

===Jerkops and Janekops===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / 8-Player Smash

Jungle Hijinxs (Ω Form)

Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Jerkops and Janekops
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JYNzV8KSROE}}
| stardate = 13 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWC Mii Showcase|CWC Mii Showcase]]
| next = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWC vs Autism|CWC vs Autism]]
}}

===CWC vs Autism===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / Smash

Town and City

Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC vs Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XnEkxWuODGQ}}
| stardate = 13 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Jerkops and Janekops|Jerkops and Janekops]]
| next = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Slaweel Vs Count Graduon|Slaweel Vs Count Graduon]]
}}

===Slaweel Vs Count Graduon===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / Smash

Pyrosphere (Ω Form)

Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Slaweel Vs Count Graduon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Fj06GojZ00o}}
| stardate = 13 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWC vs Autism|CWC vs Autism]]
| next = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Slaweel Ryam|Slaweel Ryam]]
}}

===Slaweel Ryam===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / Smash

Bridge of Eldin (Ω Form)

Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Slaweel Ryam
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Hgsb8oNC3oI}}
| stardate = 13 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Slaweel Vs Count Graduon|Slaweel Vs Count Graduon]]
| next = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Autism Takeover|Autism Takeover]]
}}

===Autism Takeover===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / 8-Player Smash
Bridge of Eldin (Ω Form)
Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Autism Takeover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|D8La2SJGR68}}
| stardate = 17 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Slaweel Ryam|Slaweel Ryam]]
| next = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWCs Vs Autism Round 2|CWCs Vs Autism Round 2]]
}}

===CWCs Vs Autism Round 2===
Notes:

{{quotebox|Smash / Smash
Coliseum
Mii, Sonic, Mii, Mii}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCs Vs Autism Round 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|neh6SkxzIiM}}
| stardate = 17 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Autism Takeover|Autism Takeover]]
| next = [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]]
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Impulse Gay Social Club#Wooooo!|Wooooo!]]|nextlink=[[Thank You from Christine Chandler]]|}}

==See also==
* [[YouTube]]
* [[Amiibo]]
* [[Nintendo]]
* [[Video games]]
{{Game Videos}}
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2015]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Thank You from Christine Chandler

2015-10-27T03:29:37Z

Monotreme:

"'''Thank You from Christine Chandler'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] by [[Chris]] on 25 [[October 2015]]. The video contains a message of thanks from Chris to his [[fanbase]] for donating to his [[Etsy]] page and helping with his [[Money|financial problems]]. He also promises that he will update [[Sonichu]] soon. Unlike previous promises to update Sonichu, he made good on this one, uploading thirteen new pages of [[Sonichu #11]] the day the video was uploaded.

Notably, Chris's [[room]] is much cleaner than normal. Additionally, the video lacks the [[Chris and cinematography|green tint]] his videos normally have, implying that he actually lit his room before filming. Presumably in an attempt to deter [[trolls]], he disabled comments and embedding for the video.

==Description==

{{quotebox|Buy or donate directly to me on my shop, Cwcville Shop, at https://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShopping/}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Thank You from Christine Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|igd41tAdNJk}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Blue Tomgirl
| previous = [[Super Smash_Bros. Videos#CWC's Vs Autism Round 2|CWCs Vs Autism Round 2]]
}}

===Transcript===

‘Ello! I wanted—This is Christine Chandler coming to you live from...my [[house]] here. Anyhow, I wanted to thank, personally thank errybody on the [[internet]] for considered support for my books [''holds up [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]''] and works and my figures ''[holds up [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[Amiibo]]]'' and whatnot, and helping me out around here to recover from a whole bunch of the other [[Stress|stresses]] and whatnot. Hm. But that’s aside. But anyway, uh, the your, the your, I just wanted to let errybody know that donations are greatly appreciated, and I’ll continue to honor my promises as I have stated in uh, my listings on [[Etsy]] and everything. And I’ll include a link in the description where y’all can buy a figure, my book, or donate some more. Hm. [''[[Dramatic Glasses Removal|removes glasses]]''] Anyway, it’s all going good and well. Just wanted, it’s just my little video of gratitude, so, more new content is coming up. Stay tuned between my Etsy page, my [[Facebook]], my [[Twitter]]. So... [''thumbs up''] thank you all very much! That’s gonna be a very long page in [[Sonichu #11|Book 11]] with all, with the names. And I’m very proud to make...it’s probably more than one page. That’ll be really good. Anyway, okay, everybody have a good and safe day. Thank you again.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Super Smash_Bros. Videos#CWCs Vs Autism Round 2|CWCs Vs Autism Round 2]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2015]]

Sonichu 11

2015-10-26T14:17:49Z

Monotreme: Added a link to the new pages

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 39 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}
'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever. On 4 [[September 2015]], however, Chris managed to crawl back from his long dark night of abuse at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future.

The glorious resurrection of this comic in September 2015 was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. Money would go towards production of ''Sonichu'' #11, with a single character drawing offered to each person who donates, almost like a poor man's [[Wikipedia:Patreon|Patreon]]. So far, only a few new pages have been added, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, sexualisation of underage characters, walls of text and blatant racism - are present and accounted for.

==A Sonichu Christmas==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching saga of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs' hellish offspring partaking in various boring Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]], which has the unfortunate effect of making it seem like Christine has been raped or molested. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|holiday classic]]. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named Kevin in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how [[GodJesus]] will reward the humble and [[Chris and his ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.

Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries, and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]"and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good mornint." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up their chimney like Santa Claus. Outside, he uses his super speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom (because Chris thinks women spend all their time waiting to be directed by men), Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches TV]] and Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah plays a game with Kevin the Jew. She chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game and Cerah contacts [[Magi-Chan]] to discuss her angsty attraction to Kevin, despite the fact that she's [[Pedofork|supposed to be a toddler]]. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home provided by the city of CWCville, they call her a cab to a soup kitchen. Robbie announces that he feels embarrassed by his enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake remarks apropos of nothing that he is NOT RACIST before [[Chris and Hypocrisy|expressing furious rage]] at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A retroactive flashback informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was only mentioned in this exact scene. She is reunited with Wild, her (for all intents and purposes identical) daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

==What Can We Anticipate?==

The ultimate content of future episodes can only be speculated on; doubtless, it will consist of the first thing that comes to Chris's head whenever he can be bothered to scrawl a few pages. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making it probable that he will make his first appearance since he helped Sonichu rescue Rosechu way back in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This is almost entirely incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. For example, ''[[wikipedia:Batman Begins|Batman Begins]]'' was a fresh start with no canonical relation to the [[wikipedia:Batman|comic book source material]] or the [[wikipedia:Batman (film series)|previous film franchise]]. A [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]], on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo (though considering Chris's pathological [[Sonic Boom Protests|revulsion to change]], this isn't likely). It is likely that a "clip show" issue would allow Chris to release an issue by reusing content from the previous ones.

Over the years Chris has dropped a few hints about specific plotlines. At one point he stated, ''"[[Metal Sonichu|METAL SONICHU]] is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon."''<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> He later elaborated, ''"Count Graduon will be the Major Villain beyond ''[''Sonichu'' #10]'', possessing the [[Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on [[the moon]] back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> The issue may also move to [[RuleCWC]]: Chris has said that ''"[[Darkbind]] and [[Zelina]] will be fighting [[Clawdorf]] with great sword and bow/arrow battles."''<ref>[[Mailbag 52]]</ref>

There may also be a lack of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Great Director intrusion]]: ''"After [[Sonichu 10|Book 10]], I will be making LESS personal appearances in the pages, as having done so was a big mistake, because I had got carried away with the [[Love quest|trials and tribulations]] in my life, [[Man in the Pickle Suit|real]] and [[BlueSpike|online]], that it completely messed me up."''<ref>[[Mailbag 53]]</ref>

The long-awaited continuation of Sonichu 11 in [[September 2015]] has so far involved only the playing-out of the boring Christmas story and the revelation that [[Simonla]] is not dead after all. The comic has an attached [[Etsy]] where donations would apparently go towards production of the comic. As promised, Chris has not appeared or been mentioned in the comic and the focus has been primarily on Sonichu and his family. Alarmingly yet, the comic is about the characters' personal problems and not the high-concept adventure you'd expect from a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' knockoff.

==Hoax conclusion==
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]."

Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Special Episode - A Sonichu Christmas
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SchuComic11P1.jpg
File:SchuComic11P2.jpg
File:SchuComic11P3.jpg
File:SchuComic11P4.jpg
File:SchuComic11P5.jpg
File:SchuComic11P6.jpg
File:SchuComic11P7.jpg
File:SchuComic11P8.jpg
File:SchuComic11P9.jpg
File:SchuComic11P10.jpg
File:SchuComic11P11.jpg
File:SchuComic11P12.jpg
File:Son11p13.jpg
File:Son11p14.jpg
File:Son11p15.jpg
File:Son11p16.jpg
File:Son11p17.jpg
File:Son11p18.jpg
File:Son11p19.jpg
File:Son11p20.jpg
File:Son11p21.jpg
File:Son11p22.jpg
File:Son11p23.jpg
File:Son11p24.jpg
File:Son11p25.jpg
File:Son11p26.jpg
File:Son11p27.jpg
File:Son11p28.jpg
File:Son11p29.jpg
File:Son11p30.jpg
File:Son11p31.jpg
File:Son11p32.jpg
File:Son11p33.jpg
File:Son11p34.jpg
File:Son11p35.jpg
File:Son11p36.jpg
File:Son11p37.jpg
File:Son11p38.jpg
File:Son11p39.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

==Development Images==
On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were in fact new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.

<center><gallery>
File:Son11development1.jpg
File:Son11development2.jpg
File:Son11development3.jpg
File:Son11development4.jpg
File:Son11development5.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>
==External links==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3/ 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11]
* [srtf.deviantart.com/favourites/51290362/Sonichu-11-Alt-Ending/ Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

October 2015

2015-10-26T14:05:35Z

Monotreme: Linked Thank You from Christine Chandler

{{Ongoing}}

'''October''' is the 10th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It marked the first court date for the [[26 December 2014]] incident since [[July 2015]]. Those who expected another continuance were left surprised when this turned out to be the real deal--Chris was found guilty, and was let off with a fine of $541 and a suspension sentence of 180 days (the sentence of which will only be carried out if Chris gets in trouble with the law again during the probation period). Local [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwi Farmers]] also reported that Chris's ban from the [[Fashion Square Mall]] was lifted (except for the bans put into effect by the businesses at the mall, so he is still banned from [[GameStop]]).

==Events==
* 1 October - [[Barb]] celebrates her 74th birthday.
* 2 October - Chris claims victory in the [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|blue arms]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|debacle]], due to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] being his non-blue-armed form in ''[[Nintendo|Mario]] & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games''. He says this is the final update for the group, but [[Omar Woodley|only time will tell]] if he's [[List of Chris's lies|telling the truth]].
* 4 October - Chris announces that he plans on selling [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibo]] based on his personification of [[autism]].
* 4 October - Chris' comments get him banned from an Amiibo Facebook group.
* 8 October - A full list of Sonichu Amiibo is published on Facebook, as well a statement claiming that these may be the last ever produced.
* 9 October - [[Slaweel Ryam]], [[Count Graduon]], and [[Jerkop]] grunts are confirmed to be immortalized in Amiibo form.
* 9 October - A [[fan]] shouts at Chris from a passing car, forcing him to give him the flippy finger and gain mental [[stress]].
* 13 October - Chris uploads [[Super Smash Bros. Videos|five videos]] of himself playing ''[[Nintendo|Super Smash Bros.]]'' for [[Wii]] U, showcasing his custom Miis.
* 15 October - Chris's sixth court date. He winds up guilty for the GameStop incident, and was fined $541 and let off with a 180-day probation. Chris's ban from the Fashion Square Mall itself was also lifted. He doesn't get a single day in jail.
* 15 October - Chris reveals his prototype autism Amiibo to Facebook.
* 17 October - Chris shows off an alternate version of his [[Angelica Rosechu|Angelica]] Amiibo.
* 18 October - Chris shows off a special edition 50th Sonichu Amiibo.
* 18 October - Chris announces a contest to guess the name of Robotnik's replacement character in [[Sonichu 1]].
* 20 October - The revised version of Sonichu 1 is uploaded, replacing Dr. Robotnik with [[Ren Skysoar]].
* 20 October - ''[[Guitar Hero]] Live'' is released.
* 25 October - "[[Thank You from Christine Chandler]]" is uploaded to Youtube. Chris offers a thank you to the customers that buy Sonichu Amiibo.
* 31 October - [[Halloween]].

{{Timeline}}

Template:ListOfVideos/2015

2015-10-26T01:58:07Z

Monotreme:

*'''[[Mario Kart 8 Videos#Dry Dry Desert|Dry Dry Desert]]''' ''23 [[April 2015]]'' (1:02) {{Video games}} Chris shows off his prowess at Mario Kart 8.
*'''[[Mario Kart 8 Videos#Sherbet Land Again|Sherbet Land]]''' ''23 [[April 2015]]'' (1:02) {{Video games}} More gameplay footage of Chris's Mario Kart 8 endeavors.
*'''[[Impulse Gay Social Club#Tip1|Tip1]]''' ''24 [[May 2015]]'' (0:10) {{Homos}} {{Music}} First of three leaked by heyyyJackiePie on the forums, showing Chris enjoying a performance at the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]].
*'''[[Impulse Gay Social Club#Tip2|Tip2]]''' ''24 [[May 2015]]'' (1:31) {{Homos}} {{Music}} Second leaked video showing another performance at the club, with Chris in a slightly larger role.
*'''[[Impulse Gay Social Club#Wooooo!|Wooooo!]]''' ''24 [[May 2015]]'' (0:42) {{Homos}} {{Music}} Last one leaked, featuring Chris showing his dance skills with another human being.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWC Mii Showcase|CWC Mii Showcase]]''' ''14 [[October 2015]]'' (0:50) {{Video games}} Chris and his parents fight enemies in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Jerkops and Janekops|Jerkops and Janekops]]''' ''14 [[October 2015]]'' (0:53) {{Video games}} Chris offs the pigs in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWC vs Autism|CWC vs Autism]]''' ''14 [[October 2015]]'' (3:15) {{Video games}} Triune Chris conquers autism in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Slaweel Vs Count Graduon|Slaweel Vs Count Graduon]]''' ''14 [[October 2015]]'' (3:15) {{Video games}} Enemies face off in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Slaweel Ryam|Slaweel Ryam]]''' ''14 [[October 2015]]'' (3:15) {{Video games}} The witch battles law enforcement figures in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#Autism Takeover|Autism Takeover]]''' ''17 [[October 2015]]'' (3:15) {{Video games}} Jerkops fight autism and lose in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Super Smash Bros. Videos#CWCs Vs Autism Round 2|CWCs Vs Autism Round 2]]''' ''17 [[October 2015]]'' (3:15) {{Video games}} Chris plays Kick the Autistic in Super Smash Bros.
*'''[[Thank You from Christine Chandler]]''' ''17 [[October 2015]]'' (1:17) {{Comics}} Chris thanks his [[fanbase]] for giving him [[money]].
[[Category:Article content templates]]

Template:Da update

2015-10-26T01:51:27Z

Monotreme:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>

* 25 October - Chris uploads [[Thank You from Christine Chandler|a video]] to YouTube thanking his [[fanbase]].
* 23 [[October 2015|October]] - Information about how Chris [[Chris and money|spent a gift card]] is leaked onto the [[Kiwi Farms|forums]].
* 20 October - A new [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character is introduced, Dr. Ren Skysoar. Chris uploads 15 [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] pages of [[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]] to [[Facebook]].
* 18 October - Chris announces a [[contest]] to guess the name of his new character, a replacement for [[Doctor Robotnik]].
* 17 October - Chris uploads two more [[Super Smash Bros. Videos|Super Smash Bros. videos]] to [[YouTube]].
* 16 October - Chris makes a prototype [[autism]] [[Amiibo]] figure for sale on [[Etsy]].
* 15 October - Chris is found '''guilty''' in the [[26 December 2014]] incident, receives a 180-day suspended sentence, and is fined $541.00.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Thank You from Christine Chandler

2015-10-26T01:49:56Z

Monotreme: If anyone can find a way to get the video on here, please do it!

"'''Thank You from Christine Chandler'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] by [[Chris]] on 25 [[October 2015]]. The video contains a message of thanks from Chris to his [[fanbase]] for donating to his [[Etsy]] page and helping with his [[Money|financial problems]]. He promises that he will update [[Sonichu]] soon. Unlike previous promises to update Sonichu, he made good on this one, uploading thirteen new pages of [[Sonichu #11]] the day the video was uploaded.

Notably, Chris's [[room]] is much cleaner than normal. Additionally, the video lacks the [[Chris and cinematography|green tint]] his videos normally have, implying that he actually lit his room before filming. Presumably in an attempt to deter [[trolls]], he disabled comments and embedding for the video.

==Description==

{{quotebox|Buy or donate directly to me on my shop, Cwcville Shop, at https://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShopping/}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Thank You from Christine Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtu.be/igd41tAdNJk}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Blue Tomgirl
| previous = [[Super Smash_Bros. Videos#CWC's Vs Autism Round 2|CWC's Vs Autism Round]]
}}

===Transcript===

‘Ello! I wanted—This is Christine Chandler coming to you live from...my [[house]] here. Anyhow, I wanted to thank, personally thank errybody on the [[internet]] for considered support for my books [''holds up [[Sonichu 11]]''] and works and my figures ''[holds up [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[Amiibo]]]'' and whatnot, and helping me out around here to recover from a whole bunch of the other [[Stress|stresses]] and whatnot. Hm. But that’s aside. But anyway, uh, the your, the your, I just wanted to let errybody know that donations are greatly appreciated, and I’ll continue to honor my promises as I have stated in uh, my listings on [[Etsy]] and everything. And I’ll include a link in the description where y’all can buy a figure, my book, or donate some more. Hm. [''[[Dramatic Glasses Removal|removes glasses]]''] Anyway, it’s all going good and well. Just wanted, it’s just my little video of gratitude, so, more new content is coming up. Stay tuned between my Etsy page, my [[Facebook]], my [[Twitter]]. So... [''thumbs up''] thank you all very much! That’s gonna be a very long page in Book 11 with all, with the names. And I’m very proud to make...it’s probably more than one page. That’ll be really good. Anyway, okay, everybody have a good and safe day. Thank you again.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Super Smash_Bros. Videos#CWCs Vs Autism Round 2|CWC's Vs Autism Round]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2015]]

Some Favored Comedians

2015-10-10T14:50:40Z

Monotreme:

'''Some Favored Comedians''' (officially "'''Some Favored Comedians.MOV'''") is a 20 [[May 2010]] video where [[Chris]] bores his [[fanbase]] by discussing various comedians and Seth MacFarlane. He reiterates his [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|dislike for]] the change in voice actors on ''The Cleveland Show'', does several terrible impersonations, and describes a scenario where [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]] meets him and does a stand up act about how [[Chris and his Ego|awesome]] it is to meet a retarded manchild. Apparently, Seinfeld also forgets to throw in anything resembling a joke during the act. During this extended fantasy, Chris refers to himself as a "[[Chris and reality|teenage boy]]," even though he was twenty-eight at the time the video was made, and hadn't been a teenager since early [[2002]].

After the [[Seinfeld]] bit, Chris spends a while trying to explain how he doesn't actually hate Jews at all, but makes no attempts to justify his [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|recent actions]]. He shifts gears to mention that Larry the Cable Guy should be called "Larry the Trucker Man," and then changes subjects once again, in an ADD kind of way, to Peter Cullen's voice acting [[Optimus Prime]].

Despite Chris being a critical and avid fan of ''The Cleveland Show'', he consistently refers to [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Reagan Gomez]] as "Regina." This could be an artifact of his [[autism]] for which he blames almost all of his shortcomings, or he could have confused her with [[Wikipedia:Regina King|Regina King]], who voices characters on ''The Boondocks''. He also repeatedly mispronounces Mila Kunis's name. Considering that she's the voice of his favorite ''[[Family Guy]]'' gal-pal, well, that comes as no surprise.
{{-}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Some Favored Comedians
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Hm30XP6VTvs}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[05142010]]
| next = [[100 2188]]
}}

{{quote|I probably sound like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]], you know? This could be a comedy routine for himself, you know, that he could do for autistics.}}

=== Transcript ===
Ah, [[Captain's Log]], May 22nd- [''flashes his school ring''] May 20th, 2010. I just uh, started up this video [''takes his [[glasses]] off''] to uh, give y'all a little update about myself [''puts glasses back on, coughs'']. You know, I'm doing well, so's my [[Barb|mom]], and for your information my [[Bob|father]] is alive and well, so that rumor is false. My father is alive and well.

Anyway uh, anyway with that, I wanna talk about some of my favorite uh, comedy people. But uh, I'd like to start off with uh, prefacing with uh, preferencing an old- a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|past video of mine]], of which I have uh made the complaint about uh... [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Regina Gomez]] who plays [[Wikipedia:Nia Long|Nia Long]] on [[The Cleveland Show]]. I mean yeah that was definitely like a trade down in comparison. [''Chris turns to his TV''] Let's go to a clip of Nia Long.

[''Clip of The Cleveland Show plays - probably from [[Wikipedia:Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance|Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance]]'']

And then uh now, check out uh, Regina Gomez in comparison.

[''Plays another clip from The Cleveland Show - probably from [[Wikipedia:Once Upon a Tyne in New York|Once Upon a Tyne in New York]]'']

You see a difference? Big difference. Regina is a whiny-voiced little brat, whereas uh Nia... [''turns to TV''] was a lot better. And uh, [''turns to camera''] an another reference, that was like uh, when they changed the voice- they changed the voice actress for [''turns to TV''] [[Family_Guy#Chris_and_Meg|Megan Griffin]]. I mean, yeah, here's the first voice. This is an improvement, by the way.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah, see well, this was a better change in comparison. You know, change it from... I forget her name... to [[Wikipedia:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]]. Whoops, I don't need to select it. Here we go. Here's Mila.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah, big difference. Big difference between the uh, voice actresses you know. When they sw- they, did it from [[Wikipedia:Lacey Chabert|whoever she was]] to Mila Kunis, that was an improvement because, you know, maturing- the voice deepens naturally. Whereas The Cleveland Show switching from Ni- switching from Nia Long to Regina Gomez. That's a trade ''down'' [''gestures and points down'']. I mean I- I gotta tell you my opinion [''removes glasses'']. It must have been like uh, Seth MacFarlane and uh, Mike Henry musta had uh, too many [[Alcohol|drinks]] or somethin' to decide to uh, switch from Nia to Regina. Or a- or I don't know whether it's um, it was their decision or what Nia had in her head when sh- uh, when she left the show for that point.

And I leave you all with that. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about famous comedy people. Uh, y'all know I like uh, I like from class-, from the classics, [[Wikipedia:Lucille Ball|Lucille Ball]] [''High-pitched voice impression''] ''Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run down, and listless? Do you [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|poop out]] at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin''. And I also like [[Red Skelton]]. [''Dopey voice impression''] ''We were all going, OK, we were all going to the, uh, we're going to the par-, we're going to the parade. We got a float that we-, and this float that we were on, it looked like the back end of a Cadillac. And then something, and then something happened and we, uh, we don't know what happened, but we went out of control and crazy, and we ended up in McGriffin Park lake. Two ducks swam by and one turned the other and said, "Gertrude, who hatched that thing?"'' [''chuckles a bit''] Very funny people. I also liked uh, I also liked [[Wikipedia:Dick Van Dyke|Dick Van Dyke]], [[Wikipedia:Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] and, [[Wikipedia:Bob Newhart|Bob Newhart]], there's another good one. I like those types of people, but from today's, uh, from this generation, I like [[Wikipedia:Tim Allen|Tim Allen]]. He's a funny man. Yeah. [''Laughs''] I was just remembering the uh, part where- the one where he ''Tim don't put your hand in the light socket *pfft*''. But seriously though, he does very good, he's a funny man.

I also like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]. He- he's very funny. I watch his show every- I watch his show every day on TBS... And, you know, too bad- too bad it got ended. He coulda done more shows but whatever. That was his call there. He decided that after nine seasons. I like Jerry Seinfeld, he's a funny man. You know I would- you know I would definitely like to see this, you know, even as [[Chris and reality|a video response from Jerry Himself]], his view on autis- on autistic people. Especially the high functioning autistics like myself, you know.

[''Stares into space, makes a creepy smile'']

And also, think about this, I probably sound like Jerry Sein- I probably sound like Jerry Seinfeld, you know? This could be a comedy routine for himself, you know, that he could do for autistics.

[''Pantomimes holding a mic, attempts to impersonate Jerry Seinfeld'']
Ah yeah, so I just recently been introduced to this uh, autistic, uh, boy- this autistic teenage boy here. And uh, and we sai- you know, I was introduced, so he opened up to me right away. And then I- and then- later, like I- later at this picnic, this community picnic, he uh, I see him- I see him- I see him over there and he wants to find- he wants to [[Fuck quest|meet himself a lady]], so he's hanging out over there. And I don't see him talking to the ladies, he just uh, he's just uh, smiling and being silent. I mean, he ain't gonna go anywhere unless he talks to- unless he talks to ladies, but then again that's part of the autism right there. He just tends to blank out when he's not introduced to people. Because he's scared of the uh, unknown. That's very common amongst the autistic people. And I'll tell you something else. [[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Today's society where everybody is glued to their computers and internet and all that, they're definitely closing themselves off from society. It's like they're becoming autistics themselves]]. I mean, if they're definitely not glued in front of their computer they're definitely about as blank as that au- that little teenage boy was.

[''Pantomimes releasing mic, stares into space for a few moments.'']
Eh, yeah, but anyway I would definitely like to hear Jerry Seinfeld's uh, opinions and views, or a comedy sketch about autistic people. 'Cuz I want to ask him about that. Oh yeah, also you know, another Jewish dude I like- that he strikes me as funny, [[Wikipedia:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]], you know, from ''Everybody Loves Raymond'', also doing the guy from ''’Til Death''. He actually also starred in an episode of ''Seinfeld'' I read, where he steals Jerry's car. Still that does- that seems kind of dumb, you know. I even read that he tried- he tried out for Kramer, I mean, I mean he definitely would not have been- I do not know if he would be a better Kramer, I mean [''Voice changes''] "What are you looking at crazy?" I dunno. Ha, I mean,
[''Waves arms around''] "Who-whoop-whoop PIA! Yeah. Hi Jer!" [''chuckles''] Yeah I think uh, Brad Garrison is a little bit more subtle, but I like him too. You know. And I have nothing against [[Jews|Jewish people]], I mean there's people too, and I got nothing against Jewish community. I mean they have their views and we have our views, let's leave it at that. I mean they're all- they're all- they're people we're people, [''face contorts with racism''] no problem.

I know I sent [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|crossed signals]] about that at past points. Oh, hey, you know [[Homos|another dude I like?]] [''puts on a baseball cap'']quo- Larry the quote-unquote Cable Guy. ''Git-R-Done!'' [''chuckles''] Funny dude, you know. He definitely could been- he definitely had the trucker look going for him if he uh, wasn't being the cable guy. Yeah I mean, I would definitely think that would have uh, the way he was dressed they would him "Larry the Trucker Man!" Trucker Man. [''chuckles''] Yeaah, pretty funny. [''takes off cap''] Oh and also you know, speaking of impressions uhh, here's [[Wikipedia:Peter Cullen|Peter Cullen]]. [''Poorly impersonates some lines from [[Transformers]].''] "Autobots! Transform and roll out! Bumblebee, I need you to go and spy on the Decepticons. Let's- Let's see what they're go- what they're doing over there." That's [[Ego|spot on, dead on]] Peter Cullen right there. And I'm glad that, you know, aside from the generation one series, they let him do t- he volunte- he volunteered to do the voice of Optimus in the new movies, as well as in the video games. I mean all th- of all the generations between the Optimus Primes and the Optimus Primals, [''points at camera''] Peter Cullen ''is'' Optimus Prime. Of all time.

Anyway, that's uhh, just uh some of my opinions about some current and past comedians and uh, Seth! Mike! Bring back Nia Long! [''Puts glasses back on''] Anyway, I'll leave y'all with uh, that and those impressions. Until then- until another time when I have another thought or, whatever - have a good day. [''makes the peace sign''] Peace.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Jerry's view on autistic people
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FI3M-Q-7ECg}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2010]]
| maker = simplycarlton
| subject = {{Autism|text}}
| type = Stand up comedy
| info =
}}

{{-}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[05142010]]|nextlink=[[100 2188]]}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2010-05-20]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, May 2010| 2010-05-20]]

Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt

2015-10-02T14:27:19Z

Monotreme:

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:Kengle_Pop-up.gif|55px]]</div>
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:260px-Kenneth_Erwin_Englehardt.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| Kenneth Erwin Englehardt
|-
| '''Nickname'''
| Kengle
|-
| '''Religion'''
| [[Twin Falling Towers|Muslim]]
|-
| '''Age'''
| 56
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Education'''
| DeKalb Technical College ([[Wikipedia:Associate_degree#United_States|AAS]], accounting)
Kennesaw State University ([[Wikipedia:Bachelor of Business Administration|BBA]], accounting)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Bookkeeper
|-
|}

'''Kenneth Erwin Englehardt''', affectionately nicknamed '''Kengle''' by Christorians, is one of [[Chris]]'s [[Facebook]] [[white knights]]. As an overweight, inept, autistic, middle-aged, part-time bookkeeper and accountant with a penchant for creating bizarre artwork, Kengle naturally feels as though he shares a lot in common with him.

Kengle is also notable for being one of two confirmed genuine fans of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] during the comic's run (another being [[The July 10th Messages#True_Fan|Sonichuizcool]]).

== Relationship with Chris ==
Kengle's intentions towards Chris seem entirely [[True and Honest]]. Kenneth will often give praise to Chris when he feels there is justification in doing so. A notable example of this was praising on Christian on some of his artwork of a [[medallion]], having an opinion on a [[video game]], and breathing in and out. That being said, he'll occasionally make what appears to be a subtle jab at Chris, and even outright call him out when he's clearly in the wrong, in particular over the events of [[26 December 2014]].

Kenneth is well-known for his artwork: Sonichen and Rosechen [http://www.sonichenandrosechen.com/]. While he was initially rejected as a troll by Chris, this is no longer the case, and they have been Facebook friends for quite a while. Kenneth remains the only person on record to have made a Sonichu-Derivative website. Occasionally, he does post on Chris's Facebook statuses. There is some debate on whether Kenneth can be considered a member of Chris's inner circle on Facebook, they do have a number of mutual friends, the most notable being [[William Elliott Waterman]], but Kenneth is often flatly ignored and sometimes treated contemptuously by Chris. Despite being known as a lolcow on the forums, by and large he is actually quite well-liked on Facebook.

Kenneth has also hosted anti-bullying forums in the past, on Sonichu.org and Spergweb.com. Technical issues (caused by his unfamiliarity with forum design) and trolling forced these off the internet. While Chris did express interest in his idea of making a fan-site, this did not materialize due to Kenneth's unfamiliarity with Dreamweaver.

Kengle has also bought several of Chris' [[eBay]] items, and sent him some sardines after Chris's [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house burned down]]. Kengle is considered a lolcow in his own right in part due to his bizarre [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] fan comic ''Sonichen,'' which is somewhat reminiscent of low-budget Eldritch abominations. It is not known what Chris thinks of this parody, but according to Kenneth himself Chris takes a neutral stance. [[Parody|Ironically]], Kengle justifies his comic as a parody.

Ken once bought a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' comic book. The problem was that it contained a preview for ''[[Sonic Boom]]'' at the start, which predictably got Chris hotheaded.

Although Kengle is classified as lolcow in his own right in part due to his bizarre artwork and websites, he is considered more of a borderline/low-grade cow compared to more infamous cows on the forum. It was recently noted that Kenneth's Sonichen and Rosechen website was dismantled and rebuilt as a general website to exhibit his artwork. Whether the comic will return remains to be seen.

Kengle has also become known on the forums as a "lolcowboy" as he has befriended and can often be seen pandering to multiple notable lolcows on Facebook. This is believed by many to be Ken trying to piggyback on the fame of other loclows for attention.

==Relationship with Trolls==
Kengle was banned from the [[Kiwi Farms]] because he does not seem to comprehend that there are [[trolls|mean people on the Internet]], and instead believes that everyone is genuinely interested in Chris as a cool famous Internet dude who everyone wants to befriend. A thread was made specifically about Kengle, and it has ballooned to 120 pages, and counting.

In many ways, Kengle is the [[Rosechu]] to Chris's [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]; a useless borderline-NPC character who shows up occasionally to be mildly annoying.

==External Links==
* [http://www.sonichenandrosechen.com/ Kengle's ''Sonichen'' website.] '''Note:''' Will cause nightmares.
* [http://www.kennethengelhardt.com Ken's official website]
* [http://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Kenneth_Erwin_Engelhardt Kengle on the LOLcow Wiki]

{{people}}
[[Category:People]]

October 2015

2015-10-02T14:02:14Z

Monotreme:

{{Ongoing}}

'''October''' will be the 10th month of '''[[2015]]'''. [[Barbara Chandler]]'s 74th birthday will take place on 1 October.

==Events==
* 1 October - Barb turns 74.
* 15 October - Chris's sixth court date takes place.
* 20 October - Activision will release the highly-anticipated ''[[Guitar Hero]] Live''.
* 31 October - [[Halloween]].

{{Timeline}}

Chris-chan Sonichu

2015-09-27T15:39:56Z

Monotreme:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:CWCSonichu.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Chris-Chan Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24th February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| <s>Male</s> Female
|-
| '''Length'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Weight'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}

{{quote|Chris-Chan's origin is unknown but when he is needed to help the Chaotic Combo, he is there. Quandry is brought up on the Sonichu-Head mark on his chest.|[[:Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg|Chris-Chan [Sonichu] ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}

'''Chris-chan Sonichu''' is [[Chris]]'s full-on Mary Sue fursona in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[October 2010]], Chris [[ECV 00002|actually transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

== Background ==
[[Image:SchuComicSP3P6.jpg|thumb|right|Fun fact: Chris-Chan Sonichu also appears in Chris's sex fantasies.]]

When [[Christian Weston Chandler]] uses his [[Sonichu medallion]] to summon the Electric Hedgehog power of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], he is transformed into the legendary hero, Chris-Chan Sonichu. This alter ego allows Chris to join in the adventures of his creation [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], inevitably leading to his self-insert stealing the spotlight from his own original character. Chris-Chan Sonichu (or simply "Chris-Chan"), looks exactly like a blue Sonichu, who is just a yellow Sonic the Hedgehog, which puts us right back where we started.

In the early years following Sonichu's creation, Chris identified himself with the character directly, portraying potential love interest [[Sarah Hammer]] as [[Rosechu]] and rival [[Wes Iseli]] as [[Black Sonichu]]. At some point Chris found it necessary to more fully distinguish himself from his creation, and created a new set of hedgehog alter-egos for himself, Sarah, and Wes. As revealed in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Chris, Sarah, and Wes are the reincarnations of Native Americans who possessed "anchuent powers" necessary to oppose the evil of [[Count Graduon]]. Upon discovering the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Chris is shown how to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu by pressing his medallion.

Chris-Chan Sonichu's powers seem to be the same as those of the regular [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] powers, plus flight (in ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', he claims it gives him the ability to use the powers of all the Electric Hedgehogs, though he can do that even as a human), and the medallion is apparently absorbed into his flesh, leaving a white mark where it used to lie. His only known weakness is that if the white mark is pressed he will revert back to fat, useless human Chris. Being vulnerable to a single poke in the chest would seem to be an insurmountable disadvantage, but Chris invariably transforms back with little effort. This is most likely a ripoff of two characters: [[Sailor Moon]], who had reverted to normal at least twice after having her transformation brooch damaged, and the Z-Putties from [[Power Rangers]], mooks who'd explode after being struck on the Z-shield on their chests.

After the theft of his medallion in real life in [[October 2008]], Chris rushed out a story meant to appear in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which the medallion is stolen in the comic as well. In the story Chris realizes that his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers came from his [[High School Ring]] all along, and that he does not need the medallion at all (although he uses his limitless power to reclaim it nonetheless). The purpose of the story appears to be to show the [[trolls]] that despite stealing the medallion they had not stolen Chris's Electric Hedgehog power, which is insane even for Chris. Compounding this batshittery, in ''The Sonichu Chronicles'' Chris feels it is necessary to explicitly tell [[Nintendo]] that he does not have Electric Hedgehog power in real life.

Chris incorporates his Chris-Chan Sonichu form into his sex fantasies too, as seen by the picture to the right. The fursona made an appearance in a sex audio session with [[Julie]], with whom he role played being Chris-chan Sonichu and sending shocks of electricity through Julie's wet [[china]]. In the "[[Giant Penis Comic]]", Chris depicts the consummation of his storybook marriage to [[Ivy]], showing himself and his lover transforming into their respective animal forms to properly yiff in holy matrimony.

Chris-Chan Sonichu also appeared in the video [[ECV 00002]] in [[October 2010]], when Chris [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplayed]] as his comic fursona at the request of then current sweetheart [[Jackie]].<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>

== In the Comic ==
=== [[Sonichu 0#Introductions|Introductions]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu is briefly alluded to during the Introductions segment following the end of Episode 1 of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], alongside [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]]. Chris doesn't immediately state that it is his Sonichu form in the comic, merely implying that Chris-Chan Sonichu and the others will have some significance later.

=== [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Classic Sonichu Strips]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu appears in two of the five Classic Sonichu Strips. One of them is a Mother's Day special, in which he and [[Sonichu]] team up to save [[Barb]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. At the end of this strip, Chris-Chan Sonichu transforms back into [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|regular Chris]] to talk to his mother, thus [[Chris and writing|ruining any attempt]] at dramatic build-up Chris may have been trying to establish with the vagueness on Chris-Chan Sonichu in the Introductions segment. The other strip is a simple fight with [[Jerkops]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] held over the course of two pages. Chris of course gets his ass handed to him immediately, and has to be saved by Saramah Rosechu, who is revealed to be [[Sarah Hammer]], thus ruining that surprise too.

=== [[Sonichu 0#Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"|Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"]] ===
In case the reader missed it the first time in the Classic Sonichu Strips, Chris more explicitly transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu here in the very first [[Sub-episodes|Sub-episode]] to fight the [[Jerkhief]], complete with [[Anime|transformation sequence]]. The Jerkhief gets robot armor, and Chris gets [[Pokémon]] moves. He defeats Jerkhief, who then attempts to shoot him. Chris responds with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and curses him with "bad luck and extreme misfortune", also causing his wife to leave him and the man to lose his house and his beloved children. In light of revelations later in the comic that all the Jerkops were really just brainwashed minions who didn't know any better, this scene later became even more horrifying.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"]] ===
For the first time, an actual explanation is given for why Chris has magic hedgehog powers. This episode features Sonichu happening upon the Destiny Cave and taking Christian back there, where he places his [[Sonichu Medallion]] on the pedestal and gains his powers for the first time. This would seem to indicate that this episode is the first canonical appearance of Chris-Chan Sonichu, and the Sub-episodes and strips that feature him take place some time afterwards.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"]] ===
Chris-Chan appears here with Sonichu some place just outside of [[CWCville]], described by a map reference Chris added on the page only as "rough terrain". Dialogue indicates that the two had been training offscreen, and Chris accidentally discovers how to change back into his human form; the mark on his chest. Wes then attacks, Chris and Sonichu dodge, the two of them have a long boring debate in which [[Chris and his Ego|Chris is obviously meant to be right]], and then they fight. Chris loses and is saved by Sarah intervening, just like in the strip.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"|Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"]] ===
The fight from last issue stops and Chris, Wes and Sarah all have a long boring discussion about the past in which Chris and Wes both whine a lot, eventually ending when [[Count Graduon]] finally appears with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. They realise that he was the evil they were meant to fight, and so they team up to rip off ''Sonic Heroes'' and use their ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|Team Blast]]'' attack to destroy a stone golem that Graduon had summoned. They then all change back and head home to talk more.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"|Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"]] ===
Chris one day randomly decides to go to Mary's hideout at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and kill her. He breaks in through the window in his Chris-Chan Sonichu form, makes a self righteous speech, attacks her, and gets beaten up yet again. Mary does this by hitting his singular weak point; the white mark on his chest, and he changes back into his normal self right in front of her. In theory, his identity was supposed to be a secret up until this point, even if a poorly hidden one given that he specifically mentions [[Christian Weston Chandler]] in his above mentioned speech, but nevertheless it is at this point Mary ''officially'' knows that it's him. Sonichu then steps in to save his father after his failed assassination attempt, and between them they manage to completely atomize her. It should be noted that this entire Sub-episode is just a redrawn version of a previous Classic Sonichu Strip, except that Chris did not transform in the last one.

=== [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|Christian Chandler in "McAttack"]] ===
Chris is bothered in the [[Get-Tar]] region by [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]]. Always the coward, Chris quickly gets assistance from [[Darkbind Sonichu]] to help him out in the fight, and the two teams battle it out. Because Chris transforms whilst wearing his [[Anime Wings]], he becomes an upgraded version of his regular form, ''Super'' Chris-Chan Sonichu, who is essentially regular Chris-Chan Sonichu plus the flying ''Wing Cap'' powerup from ''Super Mario 64''. He defeats B-Manajerk whilst Darkbind defeats the Merried Seinor Comic, and Darkbind leaves shortly afterwards, just in time for Chris to get ambushed by the cyborg [[W-M-Manajerk]], ending the sub-episode on a cliffhanger.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"|Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"]] ===
Chris spends most of this episode in his human form, but becomes Chris-Chan Sonichu again towards the end. After Chris uses the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to will his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] into existence, the two of them then both transform into hedgehogs and fight W-M-Manajerk together, her having a weird [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] themed form called Crystalina Rosechu. The two eventually defeat W-M-Manajerk and throw his severed head all the way back to PVCC, where it hits Mary and knocks her off her chair. She is then mocked by a cuckoo clock bird that Mary had for some reason programed to insult her and shout words of support for Christian.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu is featured right away on the first page of this Sub-episode, as the first two pages are a reprint of the Classic Sonichu Strip from before where Chris gets beaten up at the mall by Jerkops and is saved by Sarah Hammer, with the addition of a single panel in which the defeated Mary swears to come back and defeat him with the "strongest most evil villian [sic] ever". Said strongest most evil villain ever turns out not to be [[Count Graduon]], the ancient evil spirit who had threatened the ancient [[Cherokee]] and [[Wasabi]] clans, but some guy called [[Bagget]], who is essentially a regular [[Jerkop]] dressed in a brown ''[[Power Rangers]]'' suit. Chris transforms, fights him, reverts to regular Chris, and then Bagget brings in his "[[Transformers|Change-Bot]]" called [[Crackder]], and picks up Chris, only to drop him from a high height. The Sub-episode ends on another cliffhanger.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"]] ===
Chris is defeated in human form and captured by Bagget early in the issue, and then taken back to PVCC to be executed via giant cooking pot. Crystal saves him at the last minute and the two of them transform. The two in their transformed states form the combo team "[[Chris-Chan Pure]]", and using the most weeaboo move in the entire ''Sonichu'' series, the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]], they defeat Mary and Graduon. [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] is freed of their evil grasp, and so Mary and Graduon go to take over [[Manchester High School]] instead.

=== [[Sonichu 5#Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"|Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"]] ===
Chris attends Sarah Hammer and [[William Spicer]]'s wedding in secret, via unexplained invisibility powers, and intervenes when Wes shows up again to kidnap Sarah. Chris transforms to fight him once more, but this time they battle it out with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards instead of [[Pokémon]] attacks. Chris yet again gets curb-stomped by a superior foe, but is also saved again. This time the heroes are [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi La Skunk]], who save him from another attack and force him to finish the battle and win.

=== [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|"Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"]] ===
Mary Lee Walsh attacks the city so Chris transforms again, also calling in his sister, Sonichu, Rosechu and the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Mary then lets out the [[CADD Chef]]; a giant robotic duplicate of Chris's CADD instructor from PVCC, and the Chris-Chan Pure defeat it. Eventually, Mary reveals the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and attempts to trap Chris inside it. Entering the mirror causes Chris's form to deactivate, and also fulfills another portion of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], granting [[Naitsirhc]] dark powers as well and giving him the ability to become [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]]. Chris is pulled out of the mirror by Crystal, who sacrifices herself to save him by throwing herself into the mirror in Chris's place.

=== [[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|"Evil is Afoot!"]] ===
After deciding to use the [[Sonichu Balls]] to rescue Crystal from the Dark Mirror, Chris hears a noise downstairs in the mall and comes across Reldnahc Ha-Taque robbing a jewelers. He chases him down, finding out whilst doing so that he was secretly Naitsirhc, transformed by the dark powers he had received, and the two fight in hedgehog form. The fight leads to [[Manchester High School]], which appears NOT to be controlled by Mary Lee Walsh, and the fight ends when Chris is, (you guessed it), defeated and then saved by someone else leaping in from nowhere, this time [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

=== [[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu does not appear again until the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], as after Episode 14, the comic focuses on a non-violent time travel story which did not show Chris-Chan Sonichu at any point. The story then ends with Chris getting lost in the [[Time Void]], and he is absent from subsequent issues. Chris is pulled out of this Time Void at the end of ''Sonichu'' #9, at which point he is already in Chris-Chan Sonichu form for some unknown reason.

=== [[Sonichu Special 1]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu appears in ''Sonichu Special 1'' as part of the brief fight with Cly, the comic alter ego of [[Clyde Cash]], whom he defeats and rescues [[Ivy]] from. This comic's [[Sonichu chronology|placement in canon]] is unclear, as Chris first met Ivy through [[Chris and religion|literal divine intervention]] whilst he was still stuck in the Time Void, and she had died in the Battle of [[CWCville]] by the time he got out.

=== [[Giant Penis Comic]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu also made a two page cameo in the ''Giant Penis Comic'', where Chris transformed into him temporarily for sexual purposes during his honeymoon with Ivy. Ivy in turn used a form known as "[[Ivy#Honeymoon|Princess Ivy]]", though how she had such power is not clear. This comic is also subject to cannon issues mentioned above.

=== [[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]] ===
Following on from ''Sonichu #9'' Chris spends most of the early pages of this issue in Chris-chan Sonichu form, running around CWCville doing many minor "[[chores]]". Among other things, he destroys the old Tripod building which used to host [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|his site]], killing a bunch of [[Devil Trolls]] who had got inside whilst doing so, met up with and had a date with [[Lovely Weather]], his confirmed future wife, and ended up getting accidentally captured by [[Beel]] and [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. The two of them stole his [[Sonichu Medallion]], but in doing so they discover that the medallion was a decoy all along, and that the true source of his power was his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. He nevertheless still takes the medallion back, which he passes on to his trusted sweetheart [[Blanca]]. He then destroys the building, kills Beel, and moves on to fight Reldnahc in the park, who he defeats and injects with the Gay Vaccine from the FutureTM. This is the last time in the comic that Chris-chan Sonichu is seen, as for the rest of the issue Chris chooses to commit any further atrocities in either human form or as the super powered [[Colossal Chan]], and the series was put on indefinite hold after the issue was completed.

=== Future ===
[[File:CCSonichu1.jpg|thumb|200px|Chrissy-Chan Rosechu.]]
In a [[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia|Facebook post]] of 21 [[May 2015]], Chris revealed a new story involving Chris-chan Sonichu. Since his last appearance in Sonichu, Chris's character in the comic came out as a lesbian transwoman. Sometime afterward, his help was needed in defending Cwcville from Count Graduon. For this task Chris transformed into Chris-chan Sonichu, and after defeating Graduon and his underlings, found out to his delight that his new Sonichu form was that of a female. The new Chris-chan Sonichu had large breasts, a vagina, a uterus, ovaries and ovium. Learning of his capability to reproduce as a female, Chris-chan Sonichu impregnated himself with a sample of his own semen that he had preserved while in his human form. Graduon attacked Cwcville again, but was thwarted by Chris-chan Sonichu once more. Chris-chan Sonichu now tried to transform back into his human form, but was unable. Two weeks later, Chris-chan Sonichu laid two eggs and could now become a human again. A Sonee named Russel and a Rosey named Cynthia hatched from the eggs three weeks later.

It is not clear under what species of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] Chris-chan Sonichu falls; in the original post Chris describes Comic-Chris's self-insemination as occurding while he's in a "(female) Sonichu form" and not in a Rosechu form. Likewise, even after his sex change, the character is still called Chris-chan Sonichu. Upon reflection, however, Chris said that Chris-chan Sonichu could be considered a Rosechu and suggested a possible new name: "Chrissy-Chan Rosechu."

Chris-chan Sonichu's new design does not differ significantly from his previous one. His shoes are now green and blue rather than black and white, his tail has changed into a heart-shaped form (because female Pikachus have similar tails<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pikachu_(Pok%C3%A9mon)#Biology Pikachu Biology]</ref>), and he has large breasts. Other than that he retains his previous physical characteristics. The shape of his ears is the same as that of male Sonichus (such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Punchy]] and [[Magi-Chan]]), and does not resemble those of Rosechus (such as [[Rosechu]], [[Angelica]] and [[Bubbles]]).

== Powers ==
Being a [[GodJesus|God]]-mode sue for Chris, Chris-Chan Sonichu has shown many powers over the course of the comic, any one of which should theoretically allow him to win any battle, but none of which are ever used except as a finishing move, and sometimes only in conjunction with another person helping. Chris's powers allow him super speed, flight, teleportation at will, use of [[Pokémon]] attacks, the ability to summon swords or bombs made of lightning, and, as a human, the ability to make himself invisible, kill people with his mind, put curses on people and use any and all powers of the Chaotic Combo, which Chris claims his Chris-Chan Sonichu form is capable of as well.<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref> In the order that they were first mentioned or used in the comic, Chris-Chan Sonichu's powers include, but are not limited to:

#Mega Kick
#Double Team
#Mirror Coat
#Thunderbolt
#Barrier
#[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
#Super speed
#Hyper Beam
#Mach Punch
#[[Wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|Team Blast]]: Blue Fireball Attack (with [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]])
#Flight (as [[Anime Wings|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]])
#Aerial Ace (as [[Anime Wings|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]])
#Substitute
#Sky Uppercut
#Double Corkscrew Kick (with [[Crystalina Rosechu]])
#Sword of Lightning
#Mega Punch
#[[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] (with [[Crystalina Rosechu]])
#Quick Thunder
#Lightning Bomb
#Chaotic Control
#Reflect Dome

Please note that only the powers Chris-Chan Sonichu is seen using are listed here. Human Chris's powers and [[Collosal Chan]]'s powers are excluded from the list.

==Trivia==
*Chris-Chan Sonichu, despite his massive arsenal of powers, is defeated in the comic more than any other character, proving that even in his fantasy world, Chris fails miserably.
**This is possibly due to the fact that Chris is usually the main character in the later comics. This shows that even in fiction, Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] proves to be his downfall.
*After his initial appearance, Super Chris-Chan Sonichu is never seen again, as the [[Anime Wings]] are lost after the fight.
*Chris-Chan Sonichu rips off the design of Sonic the Hedgehog more than any of Chris's other creations.
*Although Chris later claimed that it was his [[High School Ring]], and not his [[Sonichu medallion]] which gave him his Electric Hedgehog power, the ring is not seen on Chris's finger in ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' when Chris first transforms at the Destiny Cave.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_5</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:125-ChrisChan.jpg|The fursona itself.
File:126-YuCChan.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Card.
File:123-ACCChan.jpg|''[[Animal Crossing]]'' Card.
File:124-ACChanBck.jpg|Whenever he needs to take the limelight for himself, he's there!
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichu.jpg| As he appears in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Super-mode.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu IRL.
File:Med 80.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu [[medallion]] made by Chris for a satisfied [[eBay]] customer.
File:True and Honest Fan Art.jpg|Artist's depiction.
File:Soldier of Love and Honesty.png|[[Sailor Moon|Soldier]] of [[Sex|love]] and [[HONEST|honesty]].
File:128677654690.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu with a [[rainbow]] backround.
File:CCSonichu1.jpg|[[Tomgirl Saga|Transformation]] from [[JERKS|male]] to female.
File:CCSonichu2.jpg|[[Women|Female]] Chris-Chan Sonichu [[amiibo]].
File:CCSonichu3.jpg
File:CCSonichu4.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = ELECTRIC HEDGEHOG POWER
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LsFeQTlFoEk}}
| stardate = 20 [[August 2012]]
| maker = PatientBC
| subject = [[Anime]]
| type =
| info = Original video: [[ECV 00002]]}}

== References ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Anime Wings]]
*[[Collosal Chan]]
*[[Sonichu medallion]]
*[[High School Ring]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

September 2015

2015-09-21T01:49:11Z

Monotreme: Spelling fix

{{Ongoing}}

'''September''' is the 9th month of '''[[2015]]'''. After the near-silence of [[August 2015|last month]], activity from [[Chris]] proceed to pick up to amazing levels. Notably, he resumed work on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' for the first time since [[February 2010]], posting an edited version of [[Sonichu 9|#9]] as well as the now-completed [[Book10Replacement|replacement ending]] for [[Sonichu 10|#10]]. He also opened an account on [[Etsy]], his new go-to site for selling his art.

==Events of September==
* 1 September - Chris shares a WatchMojo top 10 list about types of trolls on [[Facebook]].
* 1 September - Chris reveals that he has finished a lesson for [[WelcometoBollywood|belly-dancing]].
* 1 September - Chris comments on a video shared by [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt]].
* 2 September - Chris reveals his Etsy account on Facebook, ending his long career as an [[eBay]] seller.
* 3 September - Chris posts six new pictures of himself at [[OmegaCon]]. He sarcastically thanks his [[Trolls|haters]] for trying to communicate with him.
* 4 September - For the first time in 5 years, Chris adds 11 new pages to [[Sonichu 11|book 11]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]].
* 5 September - Five unfinished pages of book 11 are leaked onto the [[Kiwi Farms]]. They were apparently drawn two weeks prior.
* 6 September - Chris talks about commissioned drawings' relationship with the ''Sonichu'' canon, and the future of ''Sonichu 11'' on Facebook.
* 7 September - Chris releases amiibos of the [[Chaotic Combo]], [[Rosechu]], [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], and two variations of himself on Etsy. Descriptions of the offers on Facebook tease that this is the first of several "waves".
* 11 September - A flyer for the [[Etsy|Cwcville Shopping Center]] advertising discounts for [[Sonichu Amiibo|Sonichu Amiibos]] is posted on Chris's Facebook.
* 12 September - Chris uploads Sonichu 9 to Facebook, making a few [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|edits]].
* 13 September - Avid readers of ''Sonichu'' can preorder autographed copies of ''[[Sonichu 0]]'' in physical or digital format.
* 13 September - Chris finally publishes the revised ending of book 10, in a completed state.
* 16 September - Chris announces that he finished three [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] Amiibos, and the he will be sending out the signed copies of Sonichu 0 by Halloween.
* 18 September - Codes for levels Chris made for [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Mario_Maker Super Mario Maker] are posted on the [[Kiwi Farms]], after posts Chris made for them on [[Miiverse]] were removed.
* 19 September - Chris attends [[Cville Pride]]. He is spotted by a troll, manning a booth for [http://www.onourowncville.org/ On Our Own] and handing out copies of Sonichu. He posts on Facebook that he is having a good time, but still [[Love Quest|wants women]].
{{timeline}}

SingStar Challenge Round 1

2015-09-21T01:48:40Z

Monotreme: Grammar fix

The '''first round''' of the [[SingStar Challenge]] pitted [[IBAChandler]]'s rendition of "Sonic Boom" from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic CD]]'' against [[CChanSonichuCWC|CChanSonichuCWC's]] singing of "[[Wikipedia:You're Pitiful|You're Pitiful]]" by [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]].

==IBAChandler's Entry==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Sonic Boom"
| image = {{#ev:youtube|vk681bxm9tg}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 31 July 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] Music
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Classicshirt.png]] The Classic
| previous = [[SingStar Challenge#Announcement|SingStar Challenge Announcement]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge Round 1#I PRESSED PLAY|I PRESSED PLAY]]
}}
{{quote|...the other side of the brainbow!}}

IBAChandler uploaded his first challenge video on 31 [[July 2009]]. As said in the announcement video, his first song was the ending version of "Sonic Boom" from Sonic the Hedgehog CD. In the opening seconds, IBAChandler puts down his webcam, displays the Sonic CD, fiddles with his [[medallion]], dramatically removes his [[glasses]] and sweeps back his [[hair]]. IBAChandler's singing is out of tune and mistimed. He stumbles and even mispronounces words. The video closes with IBAChandler dramatically pointing at the [[camera]] and addressing CChanSonichuCWC directly, telling him it's his play.

==I PRESSED PLAY==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I Pressed Play
| image = {{#ev:youtube|8XWVRbWbOTI}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 1 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:music.png]] Music
| Performance Style = [[Image:reason.png]] Reason
| Saga = [[Image:liquid_saga.png]] Liquid Saga
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#IBAChandler's Entry| Sonic Boom]]
| next = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_2#IBAChandler's Entry| Don't Say You Love Me]]
}}
{{quote|Nobody is breaking any rules.}}

On 1 [[August 2009]], Chris addresses accusations that he cheated in his Round 1 video.

===Transcript===
To prove a point in response to some of the ba-[''video skips''] thing commentaries in the background of my first song in my own contest. Thinkin' of me breakin' the rules, dare you?

Well I will show you wrong. Look at this, exact same set up. Remember, the PSP right here, and I reached back for the remote attached to the [[PSP]]?

[''Cut to a flashback of Chris starting his first song'']

Let me show you a close up Zoom in view!

[''Scrolls through PSP'']

And... Through the remote. THE remote. And to the mini-system over there.

Get the picture Einsteins! So back the fuck off. Nobody is breaking any rules. The challenge is on. The start date is Wednesday, August fifth. His due date for his video is twenty-four hours after noon on Wednesday August fifth.

Good day.

==CChanSonichuCWC's Entry==
{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = You're Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|oWt5V3cnNRA}}
| Stardate = 1 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] Music
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Christian_Weston_Chandler_.28Ricardo.29_Hablar_con_el_Impostor.2C_And_MANY_OTHER_NOTIFICATIONS.21| Christian Weston Chandler (Ricardo) Hablar con el Impostor, And MANY OTHER NOTIFICATIONS!]]
| next = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_2#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|The Fresh Prince of Bel-air]]
}}
{{quote|...I'm going to give you a real whoopin'.}}
CChanSonichuCWC uploaded his first challenge video on 1 August 2009. The video begins with him accepting the challenge and announcing his judges. He chose to sing "[[Wikipedia:You're Pitiful|You're Pitiful]]" by [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]] (a very appropriate selection).

===Transcript===
Hello Impostor, I accept your challenge and I, I hope you don't back out because I'm going to give you a real whoopin'. Yeah, so uh, yeah, my uh, my judges there are Kacey, my sweetheart, you know, I det- I dedicate this song to her, I love you [[Kacey]]. And, uh, you know I got the, uh, got the, uh, I got, I got my, uh, my [[YouTube]] friend, Seth, and, uh, my, my other YouTube friend, SpazKid. So... Those are my, uh, three judges. And, uh, you know, I mean, I mean, I, I, I suppose, you know, the impostor would have a sweetheart as a judge, but, uh, you know, somehow I doubt he has one.

[''Jump cut'']

Oh, and another thing, I am not cheating, I have my com- I have my computer here, but, uh, it's...

[''CChanSonichuCWC turns the camera around to reveal his laptop running iTunes'']

It's only, uh, it's only on iTunes, you know, so it's only, uh, gonna be for pressing play. Yeah.

[''Jump cut back to CChanSonichuCWC in frame. The song is started and CChanSonichuCWC sings along'']

Your play!

{{succession|label=[[Liquid Chris|CWCivil War!]]|prevlink=[[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009]]|nextlink=[[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE]]|}}
{{SingStarChallenge}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:SingStar Challenge]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-31]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-01]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-31]]

September 2015

2015-09-16T23:54:29Z

Monotreme: Sentence fluidity

{{Ongoing}}

'''September''' is the 9th month of '''[[2015]]'''. After the near-silence of [[August 2015|last month]], activity seems to have picked up substantially from [[Chris]]. Notably, he resumed work on [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] for the first time since [[February 2010]], posting an edited version of [[Sonichu 9]] as well as the now-completed [[Book10Replacement|replacement ending]] for [[Sonichu 10]]. He also opened an account on [[Etsy]], his new go-to site for selling his art.

==Events of September==

* 1 September - Chris shares a WatchMojo top 10 list about types of trolls on [[Facebook]].
* 1 September - Chris reveals that he has finished a lesson for [[WelcometoBollywood|belly-dancing]].
* 1 September - Chris comments on a video shared by [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt]].
* 2 September - Chris reveals his Etsy account on Facebook, ending his long career as an [[eBay]] seller.
* 3 September - Chris posts six new pictures of himself at [[OmegaCon]]. He sarcastically thanks his [[Trolls|haters]] for trying to communicate with him.
* 4 September - For the first time in 5 years, Chris adds 11 new pages to [[Sonichu 11|book 11]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]].
* 5 September - Five unfinished pages of book 11 are leaked onto the [[Kiwi Farms]]. They were apparently drawn two weeks prior.
* 6 September - Chris talks about commissioned drawings' relationship with the ''Sonichu'' canon, and the future of ''Sonichu 11'' on Facebook.
* 7 September - Chris releases amiibos of the [[Chaotic Combo]], [[Rosechu]], [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], and two variations of himself on Etsy. Descriptions of the offers on Facebook tease that this is the first of several "waves".
* 11 September - A flyer for the [[Etsy|Cwcville Shopping Center]] advertising discounts for [[Sonichu Amiibo|Sonichu Amiibos]] is posted on Chris's Facebook.
* 12 September - Chris uploads Sonichu 9 to Facebook, making a few [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|edits]].
* 13 September - Avid readers of ''Sonichu'' can preorder autographed copies of ''[[Sonichu 0]]'' in physical or digital format.
* 13 September - Chris finally publishes the revised ending of book 10, in a completed state.
{{timeline}}

September 2015

2015-09-12T13:57:57Z

Monotreme:

{{Ongoing}}

'''September''' is the 9th month of '''[[2015]]'''. After the near-silence of [[August 2015|last month]], activity seems to have picked up substantially from [[Chris]]. Notably, he resumed work on [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] for the first time since [[February 2010]].

==Events of September==

* 1 September - Chris shares a WatchMojo top 10 list about types of trolls on [[Facebook]].
* 1 September - Chris reveals that he has finished a lesson for [[WelcometoBollywood|belly-dancing]].
* 1 September - Chris comments on a video shared by [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt]].
* 2 September - Chris reveals his [[Etsy]] account on Facebook, ending his long career as an [[eBay]] seller.
* 3 September - Chris posts six new pictures of himself at [[OmegaCon]]. He sarcastically thanks his [[Trolls|haters]] for trying to communicate with him.
* 4 September - For the first time in 5 years, Chris adds 11 new pages to [[Sonichu 11|book 11]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]].
* 5 September - Five unfinished pages of book 11 are leaked onto the [[Kiwi Farms]]. They were apparently drawn two weeks prior.
* 6 September - Chris talks about commissioned drawings' relationship with the ''Sonichu'' canon, and the future of ''Sonichu 11'' on Facebook.
* 7 September - Chris releases amiibos of the [[Chaotic Combo]], [[Rosechu]], [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], and two variations of himself on Etsy. Descriptions of the offers on Facebook tease that this is the first of several "waves".
* 11 September - A flyer for the [[Etsy|Cwcville Shopping Center]] advertising discounts for [[Sonichu Amiibo|Sonichu Amiibos]] is posted on Chris's Facebook.
{{timeline}}

September 2015

2015-09-07T15:23:23Z

Monotreme: Added to the summary.

Dreams

2015-09-04T14:44:12Z

Monotreme: Typo fix.

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:449-CWCDreamCatcher.JPG|thumb|Authentic [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokian]] dream catcher.]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|right|The letter to Blanca, a classic example of Chris's prophetic powers in action.]]
Nowadays, it is widely accepted that '''dreams''' can provide valuable insight into the mind of the dreamer. While they represent, at best, a warped reflection of what goes on in the unconscious mind, dreams are nevertheless made up of more than just random, meaningless images; usually involving the memories and thoughts of said individual. <ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dream</ref>

[[Chris]] adheres to a simpler, primitive belief in the significance of dreams. It's part and parcel of his [[Religion|religious]] mysticism — he believes many of his dreams are messages from God, as if he were a modern day [[wikipedia:Book Of Daniel|Daniel.]] Dreams, in Chris's mind, can provide accurate portents of the future, and much of his strange behavior may be connected to his attempts to make these dreams into [[Chris and reality|reality]].

==Significant dreams==

Chris has often claimed that his dreams represent communications from the divine. On [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]], when asked about his purpose in life, he explained it like so: "To eventually be married to my Sweetheart, then give birth and raise my daughter, as God has pointed it out for me in my dream." Likewise, when [[PandaHalo]] asked him why he wanted a daughter so badly, he said, "it was fortold to me in multiple dreams."

During the [[Father Call]], when Matthew Devoria pointed out that his belief in prophetic dreams was both highly unlikely and potentially blasphemous, Chris was willing to back off from some of the weirder implications of his philosophy. "I am not saying that I am a prophet," he admitted. However, he continued to cling to the belief that his dreams represent the future. "I'm not saying that it is the definite future," he explained, "but that it is a POSSIBLE future. "<nowiki>It's interesting that Chris believes in this sort of predestiny, as it's actually quite similar to the Anglo-Saxon concept of Wyrd, a traditionally Pagan belief which holds that your destiny is determined at the beginning of your life by the three weavers of fate, the Norns.</nowiki>

It could be that Chris believes that [[Chris and religion|God]] gives him these "visions of the future" in order to comfort him with the knowledge that he will, in fact, triumph in the face of adversity and [[autism]]. Chris himself has, on several occasions, shown that he fears suspense and uncertainty and it wouldn't be a great leap of reason to assume that he thinks [[Chris and his Ego|God is personally tossing him spoilers for his own life]] in much the same way as Chris slathers them onto [[Sonichu]].

When a letter in [[Mailbag 55]] called Chris out on his insane belief, his response was to ask "What is YOUR Dream Career?", suggesting that he has misinterpreted various dream-related expressions such as "the woman of my dreams" or "my dream job". While the expressions actually mean "It would be dreamlike to have a job like that or a wife like her", Chris may take it to mean "God literally showed this job/woman to me in a dream".

Chris has discussed several of his more important or influential dreams in many of his comics, chats, and videos. There may be a great many more that he's never felt like sharing with the outside world, so this section is by no means comprehensive, but it should at least provide a basic overview of the sort of prophecies Chris believes that he receives.

===The Crystal dream===
{{quote|I have my dreams that God gave to me, and I have to see my Crystal Weston Chandler be Born.|Chris, [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]}}

By far the most significant of Chris's dreams is this one, where he saw himself married to an unspecified woman and raising a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. This represents the genesis of his [[Love Quest]], or at any rate his favorite excuse. When he's not willing to admit that what he really wants is [[china|pussy]], Chris claims that his search for a sweetheart is intended to fulfill God's will and produce his prophesied daughter.

{{quote|You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be Crystal.|Chris, during the [[Father Call]].}}

Chris, always one to share too much personal information during conversations with strangers, sometimes brings up the Crystal dream while introducing himself to people. In one of his [[Facebook_messages#Christy_Backe|Facebook conversations]], he sent a new contact the following question: "Do you know any 18-25-year old single women who might like me? I would appreciate any help I can get in finding the one who would be my Sweetheart, and help me realize my dream of me fathering a pretty daughter named Crystal Weston Chandler."

For some time, the many trolls following Chris operated according to the belief that the dream took place when he was around 21 years old, right around the formal beginning of the Love Quest. During the [[Father Call]], however, Chris very clearly stated that he had the dream when he was in elementary school, between seven and nine years of age. In that description of the dream, he also noted that he "had, like, an office job" in his future life, an embellishment that smacks of Chris attempting to impress [[Kacey]]'s father.

This statement, however, predates the Father Call. In an [[Katie_Bay_E-mails_3#7.2F28.2F09|email sent to Katie Bay]] near the end of July 2009, Chris used this dream as an excuse to not get a job. Specifically, he expressed annoyance that he does not know what kind of job he has in the dream, only that he is working in an office building, his daughter is present, and shortly after the dream begins the building starts to collapse and he needs to run away with Crystal.

Chris's dreams about his future daughter are at least partially responsible for his refusal to date black women. In [[Mailbag 35]], he explained, "I never saw a black woman being my wife in any of my dreams of me and my white baby daughter."

===The Grim Reaper dream===
In a dream some time before 2005, Chris met the [[Wikipedia:Death (personification)|Grim Reaper]]:
{{Quote|I understand [[Bob Chandler|my dad]] does not have long to live, but I have to ask while you're here, when will you be taking my father? He informed me that he would not claim his soul until the year 2015.|From [[Jackie E-mails 31]]}}
Chris found this comforting, but was enraged with the Grim Reaper (the ultimate [[trolls|troll]]) when he took Bob's soul in [[2011]].
{{Quote| Damn you, Reaper, this is Two Thousand Eleven! I Was Promised that we'd be blessed with father's presence for Four More Years! [[Chris and his Ego|I Was Promised!!!]]|Chris, cursing Death for not giving him
what he is entitled to}}

===The Blanca dream===
During the late summer and early fall of [[2008]], Chris wildly ping-ponged back and forth between a number of potential [[trolls|sweethearts]], including [[PandaHalo]], [[Sarah Jackson]], and [[Blanca Weiss]]. On September 29, however, he finally settled on Blanca, having supposedly experienced a dream where he met her in the lobby of a [[Charlottesville]] hotel.

Chris describes the dream in some detail in his [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Chris_dreams_of_Blanca|e-mails to Blanca]], as well as the [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|letter]] he sent to her along with his medallions.

{{quote|I FINALLY HAD my Dream that I have been waiting for for soo long; the dream revealing the name of my Sweetheart-to-be. the scenario was simply, after talking to her over the internet, I went to the local Hotel to meet her, and her name came up Often, and was Burned into my Memory and my Heart...SHE is YOU. :) YOU, Blanca Weiss, ARE MY SWEETHEART-TO-BE!|Chris, falling for it on a number of levels.}}

He also mentioned the dream on his [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|blog]], claiming that "[[God and Jesus]] have revealed to me the name of my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be." Three weeks later, the object of Chris's divinely-inspired love dumped him (after dumping his beloved [[medallions]] in [[pickle]] brine).

===The PandaHalo dream===
Although breaking up with Blanca temporarily sent Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|crashing into slumber]], he recovered from the trauma quickly enough with the aid of his dear friend PandaHalo. By mid-November, he was having wet dreams about her and sharing the details in their communications, which Panda promptly passed on to her fellow trolls on [[IRC (26 November 2008)|IRC]]:

{{quote|During my most recent dream, You were in it. You were alone in your apartment; I had just run in to see you. We talked for a bit, but then you and I, we made out, then got naked and lost our virgin ways to each other. It got soo goodly hot and wild, that I came in my sleep over you.|Chris, traumatizing a chatroom full of trolls.}}

If this particular dream also happened to be a prophecy, GodJesus must have gotten his wires crossed. Chris never met Panda in person, and had more or less gotten over her long before she allegedly died early in 2009.

===The Ivy dream===
In [[Episode 19]], Chris recounted a vision where two-thirds of the Holy Trinity told him, in the most explicit possible terms, that [[Ivy]] was destined to be his one true love, that his enemies would be defeated, and that his [[biological clock]] would soon be conveniently reset. None of these prophecies came true. Chris may still believe that Ivy was absolutely not a troll, but this did not stop him from crafting a gruesome death for her in the pages of his comic.

===The Watery Maze Dream===
[[File:ThirdLabyrinth.gif|thumb|right|Animated for your non-pleasure. (Note: The original animation showed Chris's crude portraits of himself and the mystery woman as nude, but he added clothes so he could re-upload it to the G-rated Flipnote website).]]
Another one of Chris's wet dreams, in the literal sense this time, involves a vision of encountering his promised sweetheart in a "watery maze." Chris mentioned this recurring dream in his [[Quizzes#Christian Weston Chandler Quiz|quiz about himself]], although he didn't offer very many additional details.

[[Liquid Chris]] took advantage of this bit of information to mock his rival in one of his [[For Chris|videos]], declaring that he and his girlfriend [[Kacey]] "are going to swim through a watery maze and make passionate love to each other and [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|it's going to be awesome]]."

Chris eventually immortalized this dream in a [[RomanticLabyrinth|terrifying animation]], showing us a little more of what it's about. The details were unsurprising: in a maze full of water, Chris meets an unspecified woman and has sex with her. The end.

Chris was especially eager to keep this animation on [[Flipnote Hatena]], having uploaded it a grand total of ''six times'', despite its assorted violations of the website's policies. Though the site's moderators deleted it a number of times, he doggedly kept re-uploading it. Judging by the monologue after the dream ("If only I knew who you are in reality...") Chris believes that the [[Lovely Weather|"LOVELY WOMAN"]] is a real boyfriend-free girl somewhere, perhaps one who suffers from a recurring nightmare in which she is raped by an obese manchild. By putting his sex fantasy where everyone could see it, Chris may have been attempting to contact the non-existent woman.

===Sticky Dream===
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology; for example, in [[Ivy Q&A#Threats|Ivy Q&A]] it's mentioned that Chris told Ivy that he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"

==Minor dreams==
===The Sonic on Game Boy dream===
In the [[Song of Christian]], Chris claims to have experienced a dream involving a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game for Nintendo's Game Boy handheld. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], it took place in June 1997. This, he says, is what inspired the "Sonic Dumps Sega, Joins Nintendo" cover story on his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], as well as the many half-assed knockoff Sonic game concepts inside of it. He also wrote a letter to the real ''Nintendo Power'' describing the dream.

This is one dream of Chris's that actually came true, after a fashion. While Nintendo never made a Sonic game for the original Game Boy, ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Advance|Sonic Advance]]'' hit the Game Boy Advance at the tail end of 2001. It was one of the very first Sonic games for a non-Sega hardware platform, seeing release around the same time as ''Sonic Adventure 2: Battle'' for Nintendo's GameCube. In typical Chris fashion, he announced that he "pretty much foretold that outcome" in a [[The Sonichu Chronicles|PowerPoint presentation]].

===The Pamela dream===
During his chats with (someone he believed to be) [[Vanessa Hudgens]], Chris cited a dream that taught him a useful moral lesson. Supposedly, during the long months of the [[Megan Saga]], Chris had a dream where he "had to choose" between his True and Honest love for [[Megan Schroeder]] and his temporary lust for [[Chris and television|TV star Pamela Anderson]]. "I stuck by my [[Chris and religion|morals]] and went for Megan," Chris explained. "And because the same is being applied between you and [[Ivy]], I am going to remain strong and true and stay with Ivy."

Given that he never got any from Megan, of course, in retrospect the sensible choice would have been to go for Pamela, a la Borat. Here's to the path not taken.

===The Patti-chan dream===
Some time after the death of his beloved dog [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], Chris had a dream (or multiple dreams) reassuring him that Patti was all right and living comfortably in the presence of God. Chris discussed this in his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|Plea to Clyde Cash]] from [[January 2009]], hoping that Clyde would follow his example, "get over" the death of [[Ryan Cash]], and stop cruelly tormenting him. For some reason, Clyde chose to ignore Chris's advice.

===The acid factory dream===

In [[Mailbag 39]], responding to a question that attempted to reason with him about his hatred of [[Asperchu]], Chris dove off along a tangent and described a particularly picturesque nightmare that mixes his hatred of [[tobacky]], his now non-hatred of [[alcohol]], and his [[Chris and race|racism]].

{{quote|I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, [[Chris and race#Jews|going through BURNING OVENS]], coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.|Your guess is as good as ours.}}
[[Image:Wily's Castle.jpg|thumb|A skull-shaped building, where have we seen that?]]

Chris has a habit of bringing up traumatic experiences from his past on the least provocation, usually as a way of fishing for sympathy. For instance, during the [[Father Call]], he went on the defensive by suddenly changing the subject to the incident where he was allegedly abused at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]].

===Dreaming of death===
Chris has apparently dreamed on multiple occasions of the instant that precedes death. In his [[ChrisChanSonichu_and_WikiSysop_correspondence#Size_does_not_matter._.28CCS.29|conversations]] with the Sysop of [[CWCipedia]], while complaining about various objectionable advertisements on "his" site, he delivered the following bizarre non sequitur:

{{quote|Seeing the BIG Ad in the One Spot is as terrifying as the Flash Of Light at the Instant Millisecond of DEATH, or even, technologically, the [[Wikipedia:Blue Screen Of Death|Blue Screen Of Death]]. And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am [[Chris and English|LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET]].|This statement offered without comment.}}

Exactly why Chris chose to draw a connection between the moment of a human being's physical death and the moment of a Windows PC crashing is uncertain. This might be because the error alert that comes up after a critical system error in PCs is colloquially known as the "Blue Screen of Death" (BSoD), which literal-minded Chris would associate with a real near death experience.

===High school dreams===
During his [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], Chris mentioned recurring dreams about his days at [[Manchester High School]]. Given that his high school years were the last time Chris had anything like real friends or a fulfilling social life, it's no surprise that he often revisits them in his dreams. He describes the dreams in a very wistful, nostalgic tone: "I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends... there."

Chris also added that Megan Schroeder sometimes appears in his dreams of high school, even though he didn't meet her until well after he graduated and returned home to [[Ruckersville]]. Clearly, his unconscious mind is cobbling together an amalgam of all his fondest memories.

===Prince dream===
According to an [[August 2010]] e-mail to [[Jackie]], Chris dreamt that he was in a Prince and Pauper situation, in which he switched lives with a Prince. He called it "confusing and [[stress]]-filled" and said he was surrounded with people who had no understanding of him, and was upset with the Prince's [[abusive babysitter|babysitter]] for calling Yoshi a "[[homos|homosexual]] icon".<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_11</ref>

===Father dreams===
Since [[Robert Chandler|his father]] passed away on 6 September 2011, Chris has indicated that he regularly dreams about him, and hints that these are messages from the spirit world. In a private [[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|Facebook post]] in [[March 2012]], Chris wrote, "I see and converse with him in my dreams," while his mother "feels his presence in the house." In 2014, in his [[OKCupid]] profile, when faced with the [[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|question]], "Have you ever had a ghost or spirit around you and you could feel it?," Chris replied yes, and added, "My late father appears often in my dreams."

===School bus dreams===
In [[October 2013]], Chris fished for pity from his gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Worthless, lack-of-purpose premature death case|Rebeckah]] by saying that all the [[stress]] from family obligations, the trolls, money issues, and paranoia were giving him recurring nightmares involving "school bus trips resulting in driving off the high freeway edges, flying to dive towards a cliff, water, another road or whatever." As if Chris didn't already have enough negative associations with [[Manchester High School#The Bus|school buses]].

===Yahtzee dream===
In a [[January 2014]] [[January_2014_Facebook_Posts#Yahtzee_Dream|Facebook]] post, Chris describes a dream he had in which he played a worded version of Yahtzee. As he describes it, "there was a predetermined crossword pattern on cardboard pieces and a set list of words. And the seven dice had letters and asterisks for blank squares instead of dots for numbers. You roll the dice and match the letters out of them in a word, and you match them up in that cross word. After completing one word, then when you complete another that intercepts the first, that's when you yell 'Yahtzee!'" Unlike Chris's other dreams, he did not seem to read too much into this one.

==Typifying Chris's dreams==
Just like those of real people, Chris's dreams can be split into some distinct categories which can tell us more about his motivations, his fears, and his state of mind at the time he dreamt them. It should be noted that the dreams Chris has seen fit to discuss are no doubt the ones which have affected him emotionally and which he thus considers worthy of discussion. It is highly likely that on most nights he simply dreams his Aspie dreams about day-to-day events, just like we all do. Considering what Chris's life is like, these are probably not worth consideration by anyone.

===Wish-fulfillment Dreams===
Freud stated that all dreams were a kind of wish-fulfillment. While this has been discussed ad nauseam and expanded upon by many psychologists in the years since, this represents a good jumping-off point for studying some of Chris's dreams. As one example — Chris's dog died, and he wanted to know that she was happy, so he dreamt that she was in heaven. This is simple enough (though it does raise questions about [[Chris and death|Chris's ability to work through his grief]]). Also part of this are dreams when he is back at high school, in dumbass classes where he wasn't affected by the cruelties of real life, surrounded by [[gal pal|gal-pals]] and still svelte enough to fit into his Ash Ketchum costume. The anachronistic appearance of Megan in these dreams serves to confirm that they represent mental wish-fulfillment on his part. Chris wants to go back to high school, and his mind allows him to do so.

===Aspirational dreams===
Chris's dream about Crystal, and those he attributes to the influence of God, represent a far less common and somewhat more problematic type of dream — ones which seem to create aspirations in the dreamer. These dreams are extremely rare, in many cases happening only a handful of times in an entire lifetime (according to Jung). Chris's dream about Crystal, considering it happened at such an early age, likely coincided with a major period of psychological growth in his life (what little we know about Chris's life at this time may support this notion), which would have inflated an otherwise small thought in his mind to a highly emotional aspiration. To have remembered this dream for so long suggests a feeling of bliss or enormous happiness at the time of dreaming, which he now associates with the content of the dream. Crystal therefore represents less an actual wish for a daughter (Chris doesn't know shit about raising children, and is too lazy and self-centered to do it well) and more a desire to return to the state of happiness he felt in his sleep, likely at a moment of extreme personal catharsis within his waking life.

===Nightmares===
Given Chris's [[Parody|total lack of imagination]], his nightmares seem shockingly vivid. The particulars of what they represent are a job for a psychologist of a level above that of a [[Rocky Shoemaker|church counselor]] (although the acid factory dream is simple enough to understand - Chris hates [[alcohol]] and [[tobacky]]), but their apparent muffled severity offers us some hope that within the stagnating mass of lard and stupidity that is Chris, there is a voice of reason struggling to escape like a drowning man screaming madly for the surface. If Chris ever discovers the core of the turmoil indicated by his nightmares and what they represent, it would very likely destroy his perspective on the world and he may finally continue on the path towards psychological maturity.

==See also==
*[[Chris and psychology]]
*[[Chris and religion]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris]]

Template:Troper

2015-09-04T14:34:07Z

Monotreme: Removed the red link.

{{userbox
|box-border-col= #778899
|box-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|id-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|id-border-col= #FFFFFF
|info-col= #000000
|info-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|info-border-col = #FFFFFF
|id= [[Image:Lampshade_logo_blue.png|60px|TVTropes Logo]]
|info= '''Troper''' This user would edit the CWCki, but is too busy browsing TV Tropes.}}
<noinclude>[[Category:Userboxes|{{PAGENAME}}]][[Category:Hobby userboxes]]</noinclude>
<includeonly>[[Category:CWCkipedians who are Tropers|{{PAGENAME}}]]</includeonly>

Template:Troper

2015-09-04T14:31:32Z

Monotreme: Undo revision 189315 by Monotreme (talk)

{{userbox
|box-border-col= #778899
|box-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|id-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|id-border-col= #FFFFFF
|info-col= #000000
|info-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|info-border-col = #FFFFFF
|id= [[Image:Lampshade_logo_blue.png|60px|TVTropes Logo]]
|info= '''Troper''' This user would edit the CWCki, but is too busy browsing [[TV Tropes]].}}
<noinclude>[[Category:Userboxes|{{PAGENAME}}]][[Category:Hobby userboxes]]</noinclude>
<includeonly>[[Category:CWCkipedians who are Tropers|{{PAGENAME}}]]</includeonly>

Template:Troper

2015-09-04T14:31:00Z

Monotreme: Removed the red link.

{{userbox
|box-border-col= #778899
|box-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|id-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|id-border-col= #FFFFFF
|info-col= #000000
|info-bg-col= #FFFFFF
|info-border-col = #FFFFFF
|id= [[Image:Lampshade_logo_blue.png|60px|TVTropes Logo]]
|info= '''Troper''' This user would edit the CWCki, but is too busy browsing TV Tropes.
<noinclude>[[Category:Userboxes|{{PAGENAME}}]][[Category:Hobby userboxes]]</noinclude>
<includeonly>[[Category:CWCkipedians who are Tropers|{{PAGENAME}}]]</includeonly>

Mumble 8

2015-09-04T03:54:28Z

Monotreme: Formatting fix

'''Mumble 8''' is the eighth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]], held on 17 [[February 2009]].

Chris confirms he drank (recycled) his [[semen]]. There are discussions about [[gaybian|lesbian]] sex, the [[homos]] (with awesome raging from GeckoMantis), and an Oscar-winning performance by [[Sarah May]] (RIP).

==Summary==
{{incomplete}}

* Chris does his infamous [[Donald Duck impersonation]] for [[Julie]]
* [[Megan]]'s favorite band is [[Wikipedia:Guns N' Roses|Guns N' Roses]].
* Chris will not call Rick Astley a [[homo]].
* There is a feud between [[Molvanîa]] and Russia.
* [[Wikipedia:Son Gohan|Gohan]]'s girlfriend is Chris's favorite ''[[Dragonball]]'' character.
* Chris is asked to list [[Chris and religion|the ten commandments and the seven deadly sins]]. He reaches for his Bible because he can't remember. (Although, as a Protestant, the seven deadly sins would be irrelevant.)
* Mr. Roboto gets kicked.
* Chris says his [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] told him premarital [[sex]] is okay.

[15:40]
*Chris on premarital sex with Julie: After you get here, we could talk to my pastor about it further.
*Julie: I've said it many times. I discuss it in my letter.
*Chris: I'm just sayin'. After you get here, we could talk to my pastor about it.

[17:00]
* A [[troll]] suggests Chris looks for loopholes in everything to justify himself. Chris cuts him off.
* Epic rage from the troll.
* Chris asks for forgiveness and says everyone has a different interpretation of the Bible.
* Troll calls him out on his [[Homos|homophobia]]. Chris says he's taken it back, so it's ok.

[24:00]
* Chris sexual urges weren't as strong back when he had [[gal-pals|female friends]].

[42:20]
* Chris confirms he drank (recycled) his [[semen]].

[45:30]
* Chris is willing to perform a threesome involving two men. Julie is willing to do it with Chris and [[Emily]] then.
* It's not gay if balls aren't touching.
* Chris wants them to engage in [[Wikipedia:Tribadism|tribbing]].

[47:20]

* [[Sarah May]] thought Chris wanted her and Julie to have a threesome.
* Since Chris asked Sarah first, she can have the first threesome with Julie.
* Two women is Chris's limit.
* Chris can't decide between Sarah and Julie

[51:50]
* Both women can't get pregnant because Chris would wear a condom.
* The trolls explain the concept of friends with benefits. This is just too much for Chris to take in right now.

[56:00]
* The speed at which Chris produces [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]] depends on [[Stress|how he is feeling]].
* Chris should be able to draw more, say trolls
* Chris will try to get a page done a day.
* Derrick explains [[Wikipedia:Stream of consciousness (narrative mode)|stream of consciousness]] writing. Chris talks about storing shit in his memory, which is totally the opposite style.

[1:03:22]
*The trolls ask Chris what [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy's]] voice is like.
*A voice actor joins the chat and does various impressions while Chris attempts to do some of his own.

[1:09:27]
*The trolls ask Chris what his favorite comic book series is. Unsurprisingly, it's [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].
*Chris doesn't go to [[McDonald's]] often, "maybe two or three times a week."
*Chris says he plays with all of the [[toys]] in [[Chris's room|his room]].

[1:17:43]
*[[Honor roll|Chris doesn't know what a euphemism is]].
*Chris shoos away one of his [[cats]].
*Chris says he measured his [[Duck|dick]] with a ruler.

[1:28:30]
*Chris talks about [[Dating Education]].
*The trolls try to give Chris actual dating advice, but he ignores it.

[1:38:48]
* Sarah May is so upset Chris called her Julie she attempts suicide.
* Chris [[Chris and death|shrugs it off]], saying he still has Julie.

==Transcript==
===Introductions (00:00-00:39)===
 '''Guy:''' What's up?
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, doin' okay, doin' okay. Got some [[stress]], but I'm okay.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Stress is bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hm, haven't updated in a while-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' We enjoy the new- we enjoy the preview for the new comic.
 '''Chris:''' Now, now just a, just a [[Bob walks in|minor recent event]] that I won't go into, uh, it's just a minor inconvenience really. But it made me- mmm, basically in a nutshell my computer got turned off and I didn't turn it back on for a coupla days.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' That is terrible. It remind me of the time my mama had taken away my computer. Because I, I spent too much time on it. And she said "You spend too much time on computer!"
 '''Chris:''' Huh. Goodness. Yeah. Yeah, but we don't have to go into that.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, there's something I forgot to ask.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' Do you think you could do your Dona- your [[Donald Duck impersonation]] for me, please?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' He already did that before, didn't he?
 '''Chris:''' ''[in his horrible Donald Duck voice]'' So ask me how was my day. What are we doin'? ''[quacks]''
 ''[Julie and others laugh]''
 '''Julie:''' Chris, how about, how about the- how about the Uncle Ruckus for everyone, please?
 '''Chris:''' ''[equally horrible [[The Boondocks|Uncle Ruckus]] voice]'' Don't trust them new [[Niggos|niggers]] over there! Sing along if you know the words.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Um, I do not believe Ruckus ever says that. And I am from Russia, so I do not see much of the show though. [pause] Well, you should come see Russia, Chris. It is nice.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sure it is.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yes. It is very- although we have [[CWCville|high corruption in our government]], we are fine people, and we work hard for our lives.
 '''Chris:''' I do not disagree with you.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Wait, you said that- are you saying that corruption is good thing?
 '''Chris:''' No. I, I don't like corruption. I'm just saying that I agree, I agree with you on the fact that y'all are proud people. And respectable. ''[pause]'' Okay?
 '''Guy:''' Like gays.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I guess, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' [in camp [[Homos|gay]] voice] ''Obviously.''
 ''[pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, what's up?
 '''Chris:''' Umm...a lot of things. Umm, lemme think...mmmmm...
 '''Guy:''' I can't believe I'm talking to [[Liquid Chris|the real Christian Weston Chandler]]. It's mad.
 '''Chris:''' Well, take a deep breath and accept it. 'Cause it's real.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' We love you, Chris. That is why we are impressed by the fact that you would do this for your fans.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Guy:''' Accept no substitutions.
 '''Guy:''' This is wicked awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yep. Accept no substitute. Hm.
 '''Guy:''' Nothing but net.
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, actually it's more like dot com, more like dot com now.
 '''Julie:''' What did you say?
 '''Guy:''' Nothing but dot com and [???]
 '''Julie:''' Actually, what did you say a few minutes ago? I couldn't hear you.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Say a few minutes ago? I, what, when I was talking to the nice Russian guy?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yo.
 '''Guy:''' I didn't know, actually-
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 [Julie and a guy talk at the same time]
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' What did you say about me?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I said that you were a nice guy.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' No, I was tal- I'm- excuse me Chris, but what [[Bryan Bash]] was saying to me. I could not hear him.
 '''Bryan Bash:''' Um, that's your username, isn't it? "Nice Russian Guy"?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' No, it is- no, it is Mr. Roboto. I enjoy [[Wikipedia:Styx (band)|the band Styx]] very much. We just get them here.
 [''Bryan laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, good. So-
 '''Guy:''' Hello there, Chris. Sorry, I was having a bathroom break. [''pause''] And for the record, I love Styx too.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Styx is good band.
 '''Chris:''' I never heard Styx, but I will not disagree with you.
 '''Guy:''' Um, have you ever heard the song "[[Wikipedia:Come Sail Away|Come Sail Away]]"?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I am afraid I have not heard that. Sorry.
 '''Guy:''' Or "[[Wikipedia:Renegade (Styx song)|Renegade]]".
 '''Chris:''' That one neither. I'm sorry.
 [''pause'']
 '''Guy:''' You've never heard "[[Wikipedia:Mr. Roboto|Mr. Roboto]]"? ''Dōmo arigatō'', Mr. Roboto?
 '''Chris:''' I've heard that used in cartoon shows, and other shows like that, other shows outside the cartoon.
 '''Guy:''' Uhh-
 '''Chris:''' I've heard the expression, but I've never heard the song. I didn't even know there was a song. So, um... just a minor ignorance because I did not know about it.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, it's cool. Um, have you ever heard of [[Wikipedia:Rush (band)|the band Rush]]?
 '''Chris:''' I've heard that, I've heard that band, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' Rush is pretty awesome.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, have you ever heard about Guns N' Roses?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Guns N' Roses, that was, uh, [[Megan]]'s favorite band.
 '''Guy:''' I like [[Wikipedia:Elton John|Elton John]], personally.
 '''Guy:''' ''[interrupts previous guy]'' Speaking of Megan, whatever happened to her?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' You are [[Homos|gay]] for liking Elton John. In Russia, we beat up gays.
 '''Guy:''' Dude. I like Elton John's music-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' ''[interrupts]'' You are also gay.
 '''Guy:''' -I also like [[Wikipedia:Boy George|Boy George]]. Is that a problem?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Boy George is homo.
 ''Guy: Mr Roboto, how about you just leave!''
 '''Guy:''' Hey Chris man-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yeah. I am sorry. I apologize.
 '''Guy:''' So uh, speaking of [[YouTube]]... Just to say that he is actually gay. So uh, you know...
 '''Chris:''' Who are we talking about?
 ''[long pause]''
 '''Guy:''' You know the uh- ''[sounds like "[[Wikipedia:Never Gonna Give You Up|Never Gonna Give You Up]]"]'' -song...
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. That was-
 '''Guy:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah so that was- ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' He's not gay.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Well I dunno, so... I will not pass judgment either way.
 '''Guy:''' What do you mean by "pass judgment"?
 '''Chris:''' I mean I would not call him a homo or st- or whatever.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Guy:''' Why would you call him a homo anyway?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Because it is right to ridicule the a- the gays.
 '''Guy:''' Russia must be a very violent place.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' It is. You should come here.
 '''Guy:''' You are a very intolent person.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' I am very tolerant. It is my culture.
 '''Guy:''' Very much so...
 '''Other Guy:''' Your culture is intolerant.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' It is not my fault my culture is like this. I apologize for nothing.
 ''[Muffled]''
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' No. They killed communists.
 '''Chris:''' Yep. That's what I heard.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Heard what?
 '''Chris:''' That Russia does not like communists. They-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Oh we like communists. But stupid fascists killed communism. I would like to see communism returned. It was a fun time.
 '''Julie:''' I never really liked Russia.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Well Russia doesn't really like you. I heard you were from- ''[unclear]'' -state [[Molvanîa]]
 '''Guy:''' Chris what's your- ''[Yelling]'' Shh! Hey Chris what's your favorite ''[[Dragonball Z]]'' character?
 '''Chris:''' Ok-
 ''[Long pause]''
 '''Guy:''' I'm gonna guess [[Wikipedia:Son Goku (Dragon Ball)|Goku]].
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Guy:'''He's got that "Goku go get 'em" attitude.
 '''Other Guy:''' I liked Piccolo myself.
 '''Chris:''' I like [[Wikipedia:Son Gohan (Dragon Ball)|Gohan]]'s girlfriend.
 '''Other Guy:''' Oh, did you know that "[[Wikipedia:List of Dragon Ball characters#Videl|Videl]]" [''the name of Gohan's girlfriend''] is the word Devil rearranged?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. It's just a name.
 ''[Slightly unintelligible chatter about Dragonball Z]''
 '''Guy:''' Chris what do you feel about Satanists?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Um... Uh yeah. I am not fo- I am not fond of those people.
 '''Guy:''' You know they don't actually worship the Devil?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. But anyway I am not fon- I am not really fond of them.
 '''Guy:''' I know one in college. A Satanist. He pretty much- They don't worship the Devil but instead they- ''[muffled by other people]''
 '''Other Guy:''' Chris, you know the Ten Commandments? [pause] Do you know the Ten Commandments Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I do.
 '''Guy:''' ''[overlapping]'' -Can you recite them for us?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' ''[overlapping]'' In the order that they're supposed to be.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Give me a minute. ''[Sound of Chris wandering off, knocking stuff over]''
 '''Julie:''' Chris I don't think you should leave- ''[unintelligible]''
 ''[pause]''
 ''[Something from Mr Roboto]''
 ''[pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Alright the uh- Ten Commandments. ''[clearly reading from his Bible]'' "Thou shalt have no other God before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any craven [''sic''] image. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain-"
 '''Guy:''' ''[speaking over Chris]'' You are good at this...
 '''Chris:''' "-Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Honor [[Bob|thy father]] and [[Barbara|thy mother]]. Thou shalt not [[Death threats|kill]]. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not swea- bear false witness against thy neighbor and thou shalt not covet anything that is thy neighbors."
 '''Guy:''' Uh we were kinda hoping you'd recite them off the top of your head.
 ''[muffled]''
 '''Guy:''' -Ah it's been a while since i read it. Name the seven deadly sins.
 '''Other Guy:''' ''[muffled]'' I dunno why he asked that...
 ''[muffled. Something about sex before marriage. Various clicks from someone's computer]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yes. You are a whore if you have sex before marriage.
 '''Julie:''' EXCUSE ME? What did you say?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' I said nothing, Molvanîan bitch.
 '''Julie:''' EXCUSE ME?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I heard him. Go ahead and kick that guy out.
 '''Guy:''' Ok he's kicked now...
 '''Julie:''' ''[in a very boyish voice]'' Son of a bitch...
 '''Guy:''' Seriously all the ones I know are- ''[muffled]''
 '''Guy:''' I think it's true also though, I think he's a closet homo. Seriously.
 '''Chris:''' Well he's gone now, we don't have to worry about him anymore.
 ''[people yelling over each other]''
 '''Guy:''' But he did bring up a good point. Isn't sex before marriage adultery? Isn't lusting after girls adultery?
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' Listen, listen, listen.
 '''Guy:''' Ok I'm listening.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. My [[Rocky|pastoral counselor]] has told me herself that it's ok. As long as she and I love each other truly and very much.
 '''Julie:''' Yes well Chris, well I ''[people talk over "her"]'' Let me finish!
 '''Chris:''' Let her finish please.
 '''Julie:''' Well in the Methodist I follow, there's no sex before marriage.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, in the Methodist you follow?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, like in the way that you follow it, you're allowed to have sex before marriage, and [in the way] I follow it, you're not allowed to have sex before marriage.
 '''Chris:''' Well it's um... Yeah...
 '''Guy:''' Um, who do you think has a better interpretation of the Bible? Your counselor, or God?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well... The Bible can can be [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|misinterpreted in a number of ways]]. Umm-
 '''Julie:''' Chris, if I may? As of now, I don't have sex before marriage.
 '''Guy:''' I thought it was pretty straightforward. I mean... Jesus said himself that if you look at a woman with lust you're basically, you're maintaining a pretty- ''[talked over by Julie]''
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Julie we can talk about this further after you get here. We can talk to my- my uh- my pastor at my church about it further.
 '''Julie:''' I've said it many times, I've discussed it in my letter.
Chris: Yeah. But I'm just saying, that we can talk to my pastor about it. [muffled] Ah!
 '''Guy:''': You know we're all just trying to help you out man.
Other Guy: We don't want you to go to hell. We don't want you to go to hell for having premarital sex [Chris interrupts]
 '''Chris:''' God is forgiving.
 '''Other Guy:''' Not on this planet.
 '''Chris:''' Oh Jesus is forgiving.
 '''Guy:''' Well What if...[interrupted]
 '''Other Guy:''' So, it's ok to have sex out of marriage, but it's not ok to be gay, is that what you're saying?
 '''Guy:''' He's definitely forgiving, but you know, if you... [distortion]
 '''Chris:''' ...there are articles other than that.
 '''Other Guy:''' Chris, you seem to always find try to justify yourself every time by adding loopholes to your Bible just so you can have premarital sex and everything and I don't fucking get it. You're trying to justify yourself for having a ''[[I am STRAIGHT|Playboy]]'', and you're trying to justif…and you're always justif...[interrupted by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' I AM NOT!
 '''Other Guy:''' No! No! I'm not having a No! Fuck You! You're a fucking [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]] douchebag!
 '''Chris:''' Well sometimes I don't know everything, so excuse me…for that.
 '''Other Guy:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' I will, listen, I will, listen, listen, I appreciate your help, but you know when it comes to religion I think, uh... our own individual interpretations of um, each of us individually is uh as is important to us so my interpretation... and, uh, y'alls interpretation which are respectable uh-
 '''Guy:''' [''interjects''] Which are right!
 '''Chris:''' ...are important
 '''Other Guy:''' Okay, so Chris, uh, I just wanted to know, why so much hate against the gays, I mean if religion can be interpreted any way... [''interrupted''] ...seriously.
 '''Chris:''' uh hmm. I... Okay well… Okay I'll take back all the times I said I hated the homos, but obviously when I said that I was uh under a whole bunch of stress, and I just felt most uncomfortable around them and [[JERKS|men in general]], so I guess I just picked the wrong word, so I apologize.
 '''Guy:''' Um, this is just like the time where'd ya-ya-you trying to say that a whole lot of you said were made at times of stress but um, sooner or later you know that isn't it you know going to be like... you can't retract every every statement because you made it out of stress, you know.
 '''Chris:''' I know I can't retract every one, but those I am able to retract, I can and will.
[''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' I had a misunderstanding at that time.
 '''Guy:''' You sure have a lot of stress. I'm just saying.
 '''Chris:''' I had misunderstandings at the time that I said that. Well, I mean, I was in misunderstanding. I misunderstood, I misunderstood, and I said the wrong word to use in my feelings against, uh, them in general, so I retract it back, I retract the word "hate," and I would replace it with, like, you know, I will, I am willing to cope with them in person, and respect, and I will respect them and I will be friends, but you know, nothing beyond that.
 '''Guy:''' I think you probably insulted a lot of them, the homosexual or bisexual people with that statement. Maybe you could make, like, a video, um, saying that you don't hate them.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Alright, I'll do that in a few, I'll do that in the near future, make a video retracting the hate.
 '''Guy:'''Yeah, just say...yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, I'll do that in the near future.
 '''Guy:'''[unclear] Well, by detracting the hate you get some of the needless violence out of the world, so that's good.
 '''Chris:''' Right. OK. I'll do that in the near, I'll do that soon, then.
 '''Guy:'''It's good of you to do that, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' OK.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, you said growing up you had mostly women friends?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Guy:''' Most normal heterosexual men are able to form friendships with other heterosexual men. Uh, how do you explain [unclear]
 '''Chris:''' Mmm...uhhhhmmm...I just didn't meet so many, I just did not have the opportunity to meet so many...men. So there. I just did not have the...
 '''Guy:''' You know,there's tons of boys who like Transformers. And Sonic.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah...I just, the opportunity never showed up so much. I mean as often as with the women. When I had the gal-pals in high school, for example, I didn't have that many opportunity to be friends or associate with that many...men, but you know I did have a few...guy buddies in high school, but that's, that's about it, basically, for that [unclear].
 '''Guy:''' [unclear] characteristic of the homosexuals.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what? [static] Somebody just, uh, said something that I might, that I thought that, uh,...[stress sigh] OK, well look, I had guy, I had friends, I did have, uh, friends and acquaintances that were guys in my lifetime. I just had more female friends and acquaintances.
 '''Guy:''' I think here that a lot of homosexual people and women are like in friendly relationships with homosexuals because they don't feel that threat because the homosexuals are gonna [?]
 '''Chris:''' Uh, wait, what? Say that again?
 '''Guy:''' Like, I heard that when, I heard that like women sometimes look at homosexuals as friends because, you know, they're not going to try to hit on the women.
 '''Chris:''' Well, in my case I would figure that, you know, I was younger than they are, and of course I did not seem as threatening, and I was definitely most friendly, so they were friends with me because they realized that I was friendly. Than other guys. Yeah. Because I didn't, because I, because I did not realize the, uh, sex, I did not have the sexual, as many of the sexual urges back then as I did when I turned 21, at the beginning of that time and beyond.
 '''Julie:''' [Sigh] So, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' 18 CRH What was wrong with a guy dating an older woman?
 '''Chris:''' I was old, I was, I had, I was, mm, you might say I'm old-fashioned in that, old-fashioned in that sense, but, uh, I just didn't, I just didn't, I just didn't want to feel like, uh, I was like the lower half of the factor there. I didn't feel like I was being overtaken or something like that. I don't know, maybe I'm choosing the wrong words right now, the wrong choice of words, but you know they're the ones that came to my head right now.
 '''Guy:''' [question unclear]...pretty big rack?
 '''Chris:''' Sorry, what?
 '''Guy:''' Uh, uh, I'm not sure [] right that.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think you said, uh, you, you, you were kind of a person that like big, big, big racks?
 '''Guy:''' I'm the kind of a person who, I'm the kind of a person, you know, I wouldn't mind if she was a little bit older than me, because, you know, she might be a bit taller [?] looking for someone with a pretty nice-sized rack.
 '''Chris:''' I look more for, more for, uh, the look on the, uh, insides, but consider...
 '''Guy:''' I mean, of course that's a given, I mean, I'm not going to, I'm not going to get with somebody just based on that, but you know, but it's always a nice thing...
 '''Guy #2:''' Um, Chris, I have a question. You say you, like, get based on something on the inside, then what's with the preference? You, I mean, you see stuff in your comics about how it has to be a certain, you know,...
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I'm sorry, could you start over and repeat that please?
 '''Guy #2:''' You, your comics, you say they have to be a, like, certain type of person. They have to be, they can't be black or anything. They have to, you know, they can't be fat, they can't, you know, they can't be, um, yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Well, OK, I admit, I, I admit, I admit, I was a little, I was uh, more, shoot, what's the word I'm looking for? [Guy: "Picky?"] Uh, yeah, yeah, I was, OK there you go, I was more picky back then, but then once I realized as I got older, and uh, to become less picky about, uh, about some of those details.
 '''Guy:''' You had high standards back then, basically.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that was, that was the word I was looking for, high standards, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' Well, that's nice that you're a little bit more open now, hopefully you'll find the person that's your ideal.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well...I'm sorry, go ahead.
 '''Guy "2:''' Would you date a black girl now?
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Julie:''' Are you insisting he should see another woman?
 '''Trolls:''' No! [garbled]
 '''Julie:''' Why not?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah cause, yeah Julie and I are doing very well together. But you know...
 '''Guys:''' Congratulations. Congratulations.
 '''Chris:''' Ok, well, but just, uh, let me think about that, like you know, uh, OK, I am, I am, I am in love with Julie. She and I love each other very much.
 '''Guy:''' But you barely know each other, I mean, you've never met....
 '''Chris:''' We do, we have been... [fights to be heard] Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. We talk to each other a lot about each other, getting to know each other very well.
 '''Guy:''' Well that's different, I mean there's knowing somebody, and then there's knowing somebody. You know her based on the internet. I mean, she doesn't have to tell you, you know, the facts.
 '''Guy #2:''' Or what she looks like.
 '''Guy:''' You haven't seen her with your own eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, she told me, she did tell me the facts about what she looks like, and she was very honest with me. And I was... [interrupted]
 '''Guy:'''...and on the internet, honesty really doesn't go that far. I mean...
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh]
 '''Guy:''' What if this one turns out, like, the last time, there's no[]where something always ends up as a wedge between you two.
 '''Chris:''' I have faced a lot of obstacles, and I have, uh, overtaken them at my own pace, and uh, if anything pops up between me and Julie I'm willing to overtake them as well.
 '''Guy:''' It's just, I feel sorry for you man, you're always so close and something just makes it stop. I really wish you could find something [garbled].
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh] Well, things have been working well between me and Julie.
 '''Guy #2:''' Well, from my personal experience, um, that always happens with internet relationships, like, long-distance relationships, they never really work out. But I [garbled].
 '''Chris:''' I appreciate that.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you a question?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Julie:''' It's kind of unrelated, I'm sorry, but um, I ordered up a new section on the Luv Shack, what's the story with the PokeBoy and the PokeGirl Magazine?
 '''Chris:''' Um...Yeah, you guys, on the Luv Shack, I created this section, of uh, of the fan art images for guys and images for gals. Yeah, but, you know, fan art [] on the internet, you know, I would put the boys in the gals' section and the girls in the guys' section.
 '''Guy:''' You know, um, sorry. You don't mind drawing the guys?
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm... uh.....Well there's, I'm still, I'm still in a bit of uh, I'm still having feelings, like, about that. I'm not comfortable with, like drawing them,...not drawing the Sonichus in that sense yet....
 '''Guy:''' But you realize, you know you need a male for, you know, hanky-panky, right Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, while I did draw, but I did draw Sonichu previously in that sense, I never would draw an uncensored...dick.
 '''Guys:''' [garbled]
 '''Guy #2:'''Are you willing to accept fan-art submissions for it? Like,[] after that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Well, for the fan-art section, for our gals, are you gonna put, like, all male ones, or are you gonna use [garbled]?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm sorry, could you repeat that? All male ones or all female ones?
 '''Julie:''' Are you only talking about like, the nude ones, or just all, like the one I drew, for instance?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah, I guess I could mix up and do both. I mean, it's not like they have to, would have to be...nude. Uh... Yeah, well, I try to promote straightness.
 '''Guy:''' So you could have it both.
 '''Guy #2:''' I don't think there's a problem. I mean, doesn't he promote straightness?
 '''Chris:''' [in medias res]...section for the gals that has mostly guy images, and the section for the guys would have mostly girl images.
 '''Guy:''' Wait a second, mostly? Yeah, and wait a second, mostly? Mostly?
 '''Chris:''' Well, if you could, uh, I would say mostly, because you know, I, between the two of them, I would like, uh, have, like, you know, if there was a guy and a guy [sic], uh, the Sonichu and the Rosechu doing it, then I would put that between both.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, what are you going to do about guys clicking on the guys section?
 '''Chris:''' Wait, wait, wait. Uh, I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
 '''Guy:''' What about visitors who are guys who click on the guys section? Are you going to do something about that, like, put some sort of, one of your tests?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I think you mean to say guys who click on the gals section.
 '''Guy:''' No!
 '''Guy #2''' He said, guys who click on the guys section.
 '''Guy:''' People do that. [Chris's dialogue cannot be heard] No, I don't mean confusing, I mean people intentionally doing that.
 '''Guy #3:''' No, he's talking about faggots.
 '''Guy:''' Exactly.
 '''Guy #4:''' That is a very hurtful word and I would ask that you not use it.
 '''Guy:''' Gay people then.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you guys, I have never used that word. You'll never hear me use that word.
 '''Guy #3:''' I didn't mean to use that word either, I'm sorry. Everybody's talking for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. But like, you know, I hear it, and it's like you know I can take it with a grain of salt.
 '''Guy #2:''' [] who does click on that section and they're not straight.
 '''Chris:''' So you're asking me, if a homo clicks on the guys' section and then finds out that it's uh, mostly female images.
 '''Guys and Julie:''' [talking over each other trying to correct Chris's misunderstanding]
 '''Chris:''' Eh, well, because I can't have the cat, I am unable to sort, sort that out, uh...
 '''Guy:''' You could put like a test or something, like they have to, I don't know. Never mind.
 '''Guy #2:''' You could put a, "Are you a guy, yes or no?"
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh]
 '''Guy #3:''' I don't think it's that big of a deal.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna stress over it. If they wanna click on the gals, if the guys wanna click on the gals' section, and look at the guys in there, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stress about it.
 '''Guy #2:''' But I thought you were going to promote straightness.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah exactly.
 '''Guy #2:''' Why do you need to promote straightness, when you don't have a []in the first place.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Guy #2:''' I mean, people are usually born, you know, with a certain preference.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I I I, I have heard that. I have heard of that. I have heard of that.
Yeah, if you remember, remember that American Dad episode where Stannis [?] goes to the RNC, but then he's like one of the gay guys.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I've seen that episode, and uh, didn't much particularly care much for that detail in that sense.
 '''Guy #2:''' Yeah, but, in the end, it's almost teaching people that people are born gay, they don't just turn gay.
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh]
 '''Guy #2:''' Chris, listen to me for a second. What we're trying to do point out is that your dislike for gay people is almost like people disliking you for being autistic. It's uh, you were born autistic, right? It's not something that you can help. When somebody is born gay it's not something they can help. It's outside of their control. So any form of, you know, uh, disregard for them as a person is really, it's really unfair, man.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm...
 '''Guy #3:''' Chris wasn't born autistic. He became autistic when the babysitter put him in the closet. He told us about it before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I was, I was born autistic, but the babysitter who locked me used that room to bring it out.
 '''Guy:''' I can understand that that might have been a traumatic experience that aggravated the condition maybe, but you still have to accept that that condition was inherent in your makeup from the beginning, right? It was an inherent factor.
 '''Guy #2:''' We don't want you to hurt people the way that people have hurt you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but, but, yeah but, also let me point out that I have taken the tests in my lifetime that prove whether I was autistic or not. And they've showed positive for autism. I mean, between taking a test in my young life, and during my teenage years, and in my...
 '''Guy:''' High-functioning labels aren't used anymore.
 '''Guy #2:''' If you only had high-functioning autism, and we [audio garbled]
 '''Guy #3:''' ...it's united like ADHD, it's uh,
 '''Chris:''' ADHD is uh, is different from autism. That's uh...
 '''Guy #3:''' Not really, I mean, I had, uh, problems in school, so I had, you know, developmental difficulty, I had trouble focusing, and I had uh, trouble, you know, getting along with others. [people talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' Stop. I have a question. The, uh, you said it was ADH...C?
 '''Guy #3:''' D!
 '''Chris:''' OK, so I know it's, uh, Attention Deficit and Disorder but [Guys: "Hyperactive."] Oh, hyperactive. OK. I just wanted to know, I just wanted to know what the H stood for.
 [garbled]
 '''Guy #3:''' I also don't like to be defined by my, uh, my, my disability. It's, I don't really see it as a disability because I, it doesn't factor that much into my life, you know. I don't blame myself, I don't blame things on it, I, I just try and improve myself as I go along. You know, like uh, you know, like if I can't pay attention then I'll work harder on paying attention, and eventually I'll get to a point where I can pay attention.
 '''Chris:''' [Chris is distracted by something.] Excuse me.
 '''Guy:''' It's just another hurdle to jump over..
 '''Guy:''' Wait, model's here [?].
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Oh shoot. Hang on, I'll be right back. I'll go ahead and do one thing about it, um,[] my glasses broke. I'll be right back. Hello? [He seems to be talking on the phone. Nothing consequential happens for two minutes]

{{Transcription}}

===Recycling (42:20 - 44:18)===
'''Chris:''' ''[Returning after being away for a while]'' Hmmm.
 '''Guy 1:''' Welcome back.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Guy 2:''' What was that about, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Guy 2:''' What was that all about, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I just had to- My Mom asked me to uh, go take her clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer.
 '''Guy 2:''' [something]
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' Uh, Chris, I have a question, actually.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' I have this friend... I think he- It's a different friend, I think he might be gay.
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Guy 1:''' He uh... After he's done masturbating he drinks his own semen, is that gay?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh, no. I don't think s- I don't think so, because, uh... I've done that, it's called "recycling" it.
 '''Guy 2:''' Guys-
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait, let him answer.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically recycling, it's like uh, he doesn't necessarily have to lost it... Because you know, you think of it waste if you- If you banged it out... And then you uh, and then you put- It's like you flush it down the commode or leave it in the uh, condom and put it in the garbage can.
 '''Guy 2:''' But isn't it burned up by stomach acid?
 '''Guy 3:''' Yeah, it-
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah- Yeah, yeah, yeah, but... STILL. Still, it's good for the new sperm cells. And plus there's also- Plus I've learned on the Internet that there's... There's vitamins in the- In the sperm cells, as well. So like, it's like basically you're helping yourself when you do that.
 '''Guy 1:''' That's interesting. I hear that the-
 '''Chris:''' Although- Although personally I've kind of gotten sick of, uh... Swallowing my own. So like, you know... So, lately I've just been disposing of them.
 '''Julie:''' Umm-
 '''Chris:''' I mean it just depends on your own individual tastes. Uh, yes, Julie?

===First Dibs on the Threesome Act (44:18 - 53:20)===
'''Julie:''' Well I heard somebody say "Hi Chris", it sounded like a female, who was it?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
 '''Emily:''' Oh, that was me... My name's Emily.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Emily.
 '''Emily:''' I really like your comics.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. ''(Pause)'' Thank you very much.
 '''Emily:''' I don't understand why you're still single, honestly.
 '''Chris:''' Tell me about it.
 '''Julie:''' But, Chris, you're-
 '''Chris:''' Oh right, but I am in love with, uh, Julie... right there, who just spoke just now. But...
 '''Emily:''' Oh, she sounds like she's really pretty.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, take that as a compliment Julie.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Emily:''' Maybe we can have a threesome.
 '''Chris:''' ''(shocked/happy)'' Oh wow!
 '''Julie:''' But-
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, go ahead, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' well, Chris has stated before that he does not want a threesome with two men.
 '''Chris:''' Well I will- Actually, Julie, I gave it some thought. And I am willing to do that for you. If you wanna do it with another- If you wanna do a threesome with uh, two guys... As long as, uh, I'm one of them... Uh, I'm okay with that. I've come to accept it.
 '''Julie:''' Alright, I guess... I'll accept a threesome with two women.
 '''Chris:''' Well- You hear that, Emily? After Julie and I have done it a few times we can invite you.
 '''Emily:''' That'd be really cool! I mean we can go shopping at a sex store beforehand.
 '''Guy 1:''' You said with two guys?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' Isn't that gay?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhmmm...
 '''Guy 2:''' Not if balls aren't touching. They say it's not gay if all balls are not touching.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm-
 '''Guy 2:''' Ball separation is key, guys. Ball separation is key.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh, you hear- You hear that, Julie? That's uh... an official for us in that sense.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, wouldn't you like to be-
 '''Guy 1:''' Well you know what I say- ''(Talking over each other)''
 '''Chris:''' Hang on. Julie, say that again please?
 '''Julie:''' Well, when we do have a threesome with two women, what would you like me and Miss Emily to do?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Takes a deep breath, excited)'' Wow. I guess I'll put it out in the open, because I thought I'd told you before, Julie, but um... You know I-
 '''Julie:''' [something]
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, you know like how, uh, lesbians do like a scissor thing? Uh, yeah-
 '''Guy 2:''' You mean like "tribbing".
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Guy 2:''' You mean tribbing. Yeah, that's the actual term.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... While two girls are tribbing, I put my dick between the two... Just- Between the two pussies. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Emily:''' I think that would be really hot.
 '''Guy 2:''' Seems kind of uncomfortable.
 '''Emily:''' It's actually not, I've done it before.
 '''Guy 2:''' Ooooh!
 '''Sarah May:''' Um, Chris, it's me, it's Sarah May.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I thought you were waiting for me and Julie to have a threesome.
 '''Chris:''' Oh-
 '''Sarah May:''' I thought it was gonna be special.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Well-
 '''Emily:''' There can be four now!
 '''Chris:''' Heh... Or, uh, you know- Or Sarah, since, you know, I asked you first, we'll let you... We'll let you come over before Emily.
 '''Sarah May:''' But... I wanted it to be special, y'know, but...
 '''Chris:''' It- It can be special, Sarah. It can be.
 '''Sarah May:''' Okay... I'm really upset right now, I feel like you don't care about me.
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, I do care about you. I'm sorry I upset you.
 '''Sarah May:''' ...Thank you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' But-
 '''Guy 1:''' So how many men would you do it with?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'd... I think, uh... Yeah I think, uh, two women is my limit. So like, you know... Just have to do it one at a time, but Sarah calls first dibs on the threesome act.
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't really want this to be like a "First come, first served" type of thing, though. I want to know that you actually have feelings for me and Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Well... I do have strong feelings for Julie more, but I have... strong enough feelings for you too, Sarah.
 '''Guy 1:''' Are you into Polygamy?
 '''Chris:''' Sorry, what?
 '''Guy:''' Uh... Polygamy, it's like having more than one partner.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think you're talking about be married to more than one women. No, no...
 '''Guy 2:''' Hey, so Chris, so we're obviously, uh-
 '''Guy 1:''' I mean Polyamory.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah, Polyamory.
 '''Guy 1:''' Polyamory.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well anyway that- Anyway, that refers to married to more than one women, being ''married''. Not, uh, getting with- Not getting- Not, uh, not having sex, basically.
 '''Guy 3:''' Wait, doesn't this go back to the whole "sex before marriage" part-
 '''Chris:''' Uh, NO-NO-NO-No-No, let's not got into that now, let's not get into that again.
 '''Guy 1:''' I mean like... Having multiple partners. Like, in multiple relationships.
 '''Guy 2:''' Wait, didn't you say that as long as you truly love the person you can have sex before marriage, but do you truly- Are you saying you truly love all these girls that you just met?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Uh. Uhhhhhh... Right.
 '''Guy 4:''' Oh, hey! Hey, Chris.
 '''Guy 1:''' Let him talk.
 '''Chris:''' Uhm... Tryin'... Mm. Hmmm.
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, why are you taking- ''[someone else talks over her]''
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying, I'm thinking!
 '''Sarah May:''' -taking a long time.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I dunno... Mmm.
 '''Sarah May:''' I just wanna know that you love me. Do you?
 '''Chris:''' Sarah May, I love you at least as a friend. And, uh... And I love Julie, as my girlfriend... And, uh, you know, if Julie hadn't, uh, hadn't uh- No, no, I'm sorry, I take that- beginning of that statement back, um... But anyway, um... I do love you very much-
 '''Guy:''' So you love Sarah as a friend?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm saying I love Julie as a friend AND as a girlfriend, but I love Sarah May as a friend. And I would love for her to... take part with me and Julie in a threesome in the future.
 '''Guy 1:''' You'll have sex with your friends, though? That's kinda wrong.
 '''Chris:''' No, that's not- NO NO NO NO NO, that's not necessarily wrong, because if you want the relationship... to uh, go well, you should start off by being friends.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, usually that stuff just leads to like, awkwardness, I mean obviously you're kind of... prone to that, it's not because of you, it just happens because let's face it, you haven't had the best luck here, it's not your fault, you're a great guy, it just happened, but let's face it, you need all the help you can get.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I appreciate your help. I appreciate your help.
 '''Guy 1:''' I personally think that you should just stick to one woman.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but, you know, sometimes, in a... relationship, that's... That's one way the couple can, uh, spice it up, make it more exciting, to re-ignite the spark. You know-
 '''Guy 1:''' So uh, what if you do that and you get both women pregnant?
 '''Guy 2:''' But you, I thought you-
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait, let him talk.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Uh...
 '''Guy 1:''' Because that's happened before, I-
 '''Chris:''' I would- I would be- I would wear a condom.
 '''Guy 1:''' What if it breaks?
 '''Julie:''' [something]
 '''Chris:''' ''(Mildly shocked)'' Did you just say that this turns you on, Julie?
 '''Julie:''' No, condoms kinda turn me off.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Guy 3:''' Also, Chris, both of my younger cousins were both born, not only from condoms but [something] I think you'll have to take that into consideration, it-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Hey- Well, still- Better off at least... the- At least having the protection.
 '''Guy 1:''' I know but I'm just saying like, you wanna have a baby be born like-
 '''Chris:''' And plus- And plus, if the first one breaks, I can always change- I can always switch it for another one.
 '''Guy 1:''' I'm just saying, threesomes are risky, I mean what if you... I mean, you don't wanna have two children born from different mothers. ''(Awkward pause)'' Okay, uh-
 '''Guy 2:''' Also, how would you-
 '''Guy 1:''' Ah, we're over this, already, I'm talking about something else.
 '''Guy 2:''' Alright, sorry buddy.

===Stress (53:20 - 1:03:22)===
'''Chris:''' Well anyway, I- Well anyway, final point, uh... Sarah, you called for- Sarah, I will let you, uh, be the first to, uh, join me and Julie in a threesome.
 '''Sarah May:''' I appreciate that, but I... I just, you know I don't wanna be like, the first of MANY, I want it to be special. I kind of accept, but... Your [something]
 '''Chris:''' Uh, Sarah?
 '''Sarah May:''' -it's perfectly okay to have sex with her.
 '''Chris:''' Um... Yeah, you're right. I apologize. Sarah, it can be very special, and I am willing to make it as special as possible when it happens. ''(Long pause)'' Hang on a second, I got something else that I'm doing here. Mmm. ''(Typing)''
 '''Guy:''' Well, what I've noticed is there's like different- Seems like Chris has an old case of Friends With Benefits.
 '''Chris:''' A- Wait, what?
 '''Guy:''' Friends With Benefits, it's like, you have your girlfriend, and um, Friends With Benefits is like you're friends with somebody but you can still have sex with them. I used to do that back in my earlier twenties, but... I wouldn't really reccoment it because it really gets complicated.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah that's what I was talking about earlier you guys, it starts out as Fuck Buddies, and a-
 '''Chris:''' ''(Loud Stress Sigh)''
 '''Guy 2:''' -high percentage only leads to things getting awkward and kinda tangled up, it just-
 '''Chris:''' I hear you, I need to take my- This is just a lot for me- For my mind to take in right now.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, sorry, um... Also, I'm a cartoonist. I read your webcomic, it's pretty good and stuff.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Guy:''' Uh- ''[Audio messed up for 20 seconds]'' -I was wondering like, how long does it take for you to draw a page? I can crank out a page, three to four pages per day.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. ''(Stressed)'' Well it depends on how I'm feeling and what my mood is. I mean, I- It's like I could probably do like, about, your amount, or better possibly, I'm not saying totally, or fully with confidence, but uh... But you know, it just- it depends on how I'm feeling. It's like you know, when some- I have lot of things that get me down. And... And get me emotionally down. And uh, I have things that get me emotionally up and, feeling like a yo-yo, it just uh... gives me a dizzy feeling, it's like... I don't know. Just makes me feel uncomfortable and it's like, uh... Doesn't really get me into drawing that much there.
 '''Guy:''' Uh... But see, the thing is, I've heard about your personal life and stuff. I heard that you're um, unemployed...
 ''[Audio is messed from 56:57 - 1:00:57. Eventually this one guy's voice can be heard. Apparently they're debating the pronunciation of "CWC".]
 '''Cwuck Guy:''' Actually, without vowels it's more of a "cwuck". ''[Chris talks]'' "Cwuh-UH-Ck." ''[Chris talks]'' No, no, Chris. A "C" makes a "Cuh" sound, and the "W" makes a "Wuh" sound, so it's "Cwuck". ''[somebody else says something]'' I didn't say "Quack", I said "Cwuck." I'm just trying to pronounce the three consonants. ''[somebody says something]'' I haven't pronounced it any different, I'm saying "Cwuck". "Cuh-Wuh-Ck." ''[Chris and others talk for a few seconds]'' You know what, you know what Chris it might actually be a good idea to put an explanation into the comics for people who aren't in this chat.
 ''[Audio finally returns to normal at 1:03:22]''
 '''Chris:''' -four eyes.

===Impressions (1:03:22 - 1:09:27)===
''[Various people talk over each other, apparently they were talking about [[Punchy Sonichu]]]''
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, excuse me, I misunderstood that. Well anyway, it's just a characteristic about Punchy.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, I'm sure ''[something about China, the country]''
 '''Guy:''' I'm just easily offended by things I see, and uh... You know, stereotypical- Like, last night we were reading it and some of us- Who was doing the voice of Punchy? I think it might be nice to have Chris listen. ''[Says whatever the dude's name is]'', was that you?
 '''Voice Actor:''' Yeah, I was doing it.
 '''Guy:''' Hey, could you show Chris your Punchy voice?
 '''Voice Actor:''' Okay, give me a line for Punchy to say.
 '''Chris:''' Umm...
 '''Guy 2:''' "If I see that pickle one more tiiime!"
 '''Guy 3:''' "Wax on, wax off."
 '''Voice Actor:''' ''(Punchy voice)'' "Wax on, wax off."
 '''Chris:''' That's it?
 '''Voice Actor:''' ''(Punchy voice)'' "[Something] and all my Sonichu Friends!"
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Guy:''' That's bad, that's racist, man.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Guy 1:''' In the comic it says he's a martial artist, like...
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, for the record, that's not what Punchy would sound like. But, you know, for a reference, Punchy would definitely sound more like... The guy who actually did the voice of Knuckles in the animation.
 '''Guy 1:''' Oh, okay...
 '''Guy 2:''' So he's basically just Knuckles.
 '''Guy 3:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' No- No no no no, not bas- He's not basically Knuckles, I'm just saying that his voice would SOUND like knuckles.
''[Everybody talks over each other]''
 '''Guy 2:''' Well, he's got the same eyes as Knuckles, he's got the... like, the knuckle-duster things. And, y'know, he's being voiced by the same person as Knuckles-
 '''Chris:''' NO, not necessarily the same PERSON. Not necessarily the same person, but... Sounding similar. But not exactly-
 '''Guy:''' So essentially somebody doing the Knuckles voice. Some guy, who isn't the voice actor for Knuckles, doing the exact same voice for Punchy.
 '''Guy 2:''' ''[says something about someone named YouTubeLover]''
 '''Guy:''' YouTubeLover asked, what was Rosechu's favorite food?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm... Italian.
 '''Awesome Guy:''' Pickles.
 '''Chris:''' NO. Kick that guy out.
 '''Meatwad:''' Who do I kick? I did not see who it was who spoke.
 '''Guy 2:''' Oh, it would appear we have the voice of Meatwad here.
 '''Guy 3:''' No, you do not.
 '''Guy 1:''' Okay...
 '''Chris:''' That's funny. Just sounded like Meatwad there.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah, sorry. ''[says something about doing voices]''.
 '''Chris:''' I- I can do- I can do it a little bit better. Listen-
 '''Meatwad:''' "Go out and zap it to the extreme!!"
 '''Chris:''' ''[Does Meatwad impression. I have no idea what he says.]''
 '''Guy:''' Um, I'd say his was better, Chris.
 '''Meatwad:''' Yeah! ''[Says something else, his impression is as hard to understand as Chris's]''
 '''Guy 2:''' I think Chris's is better.
 '''Guy 3:''' Nah, I like his.
 '''Voice Actor:''' I can do a pretty good Carl.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, come on, let's go.
 '''Voice Actor:''' ''[Does awesome Carl impression]'' "Hey, come back ovah here! You haven't even messed up my house yet!" ''[says something else as Carl but people laugh over it]''
 '''Guy:''' Hey, has anybody seen Metalocalypse?
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah, I have.
 ''[Several people do impressions of Metalocalypse characters and talk over each other]''
 '''Guy 1:''' Guys, guys, shut up. Let Chris do it.
 '''Chris:''' You want me to do Carl?
 '''Guy 1:''' Sorry, I had to mute everybody to give you a chance to talk.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, so you want me to do Carl. Just for the record, you want me to do Carl.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, let me see, um... ''(Does his "Carl impression")'' "Gonna get it on tonight! We're gonna have ourselves a big ol' piece a meat there! Hey, Cup. Your- Your ass is cashing me. You're cashing a check. You're writing up a check that your cash- That your ass can't cash."
 '''Guy:''' Heh heh heh. That was pretty good!
 '''Emily:''' That was really good.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Still as "Carl")'' "We gonna get it on tonight! Getting it on tonight!"
 '''Guy:''' It's like I'm watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
 '''Guy 2:''' Chris, can you do any of the voices from Metalocalypse?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Uh...
 ''[Someone does an impression of Nathan Explosion. Hard to tell if it's Chris or not.]''
 '''Guy:''' Uh, I think that was pretty lame, I know what the voice sounds like, and no. That's just not it.
 '''Guy 2:''' Chris, can you do Dr. Rockzo?
 '''Guy 3:''' Yeah, can you do Dr. Rockzo?
 '''Chris:''' "I AM DR. ROCKZO, THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN! I DO COCAINE!!!"
 '''Dr. Rockzo:''' Y-y-y-y-YEAH!
 '''Guy:''' Nice.
 '''Dr. Rockzo:''' Yeaaah!!

===Comics and Toys (1:09:27 - 1:17:43)===
'''Guy:''' So, um, Chris. I'd like to have a friendly challenge with you. Seeing as how we're both artists and we're pretty much, um... We're pretty much both, um... artists. I'd like to- You know how you say you do a page a day?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhh, yeah?
 '''Guy:''' Alright, well, I'd like to do a week challenge. Starting on Monday, you know-
 '''Chris:''' Monday next week.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah, starting Monday next week, we will each challege to draw one page of whatever comic you wish, like you can do Sonichu, and we have to do something entirely new per week, from Monday until that Sunday, so it'll be seven days, seven page comic per day. I was wondering if you wanna do that challenge with me?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, that sounds... That sounds cool.
 '''Guy:''' Okay. Also, um... Let me re-post something. I did a portrait of my girlfriend, if you wanna see. Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll take a look. I mean, uh... I would relate.
 '''Guy:''' Alright, it should be to your left.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I see it. Let me just copy and paste that.
 '''Guy:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' To my web browser.
 '''Guy:''' I'm going to draw a small seven-page comic featuring Mr. Skittles. Also, to be fair, it doesn't have to be colored, it can be black and white, if you wish, because it just some people take their time with their work, but... It's just seven pages of new material a week.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Hey, that's a good drawing, by the way, of your girlfriend.
 '''Guy:''' Thank you. Took me about five hours to work on.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Hey, is she actually blowing through a bubble wand, 'cause it's kinda hard to see the handle.
 '''Guy:''' Oh yeah, she's blowing through a bubble wand, she loves to blow bubbles.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, that's sweet. Hey Julie, you should take a look at this.
 '''Julie:''' Hmm? Oh, that's pretty good.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, next time you come to Mumble, I'll try and show you a sketch of Mr. Skittles next time.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. You know you could upload your images onto this image hosting site I know, hang on I got it bookmarked, um...
 '''Guy:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Oh yeah, DeviantArt.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you can upload there.
 '''Laugher:''' Ha ha ha ha ha.
 '''Guy 2:''' ...That was a great laugh, can you do that again? ''(Pause)'' Yeah, I thought not.
 '''Guy:''' Hey, Chris, what do you think about more contemporary- Well, not exactly comtemporary, but uh, some of the more famous graphic novels from The West, we're talking stuff by Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman, like uh, you heard of any of that?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I never heard of those.
 '''Guy:''' The Watchmen? You know, the most celebrated graphic novel of all time...
 '''Chris:''' I- Hey. I have heard of Watchmen. As a matter of fact, I know of the uh... They got season 1 of the uh, the web- Of the uh, animated comic of that on the PlayStation Network. So I have heard of Watchmen. I thought- I wasn't sure- Is there actually a character who looks like Batman in that series?
 '''Guy:''' Uh, you're thinking of Nite Owl, and um... The whole thing is that Watchmen is supposed to be a spoof of the Golden Age comics, and Nite Owl is supposed to be a spoof of the techno genius archetype of superhero who uses his wealth and technology.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, so he is like Batman, and such.
 '''Guy 1:''' It's like a [[parody]].
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah. My personal favorite's always been Rorschach.
 '''Chris:''' I don't know, I haven't seen Watchmen yet.
 '''Guy:''' Well, it was originally a graphic novel.
 '''Chris:''' Well, seen, or uh... have it, yet.
 '''Guy:''' And I doubt the movie's going to be very good, they usually screw up the movies, and seeing as how the guy who directed 300 is doing it, I think it's just gonna be a overdone pile of garbage.
 '''Guy 2:''' Alright sorry, I had to let my dog out, he was scratching in the dark. Um, the thing is that Zack Snyder he's good at certain types of movies, and I'm not sure that Watchmen is really his-
 '''Chris:''' Well. I'm not saying that I'm necessarily gonna be watching the movie... But, you know, because I hear good talk, I may consider downloading a... episode or two of the Watchmen animated comic. On the PlayStation Network.
 ''[something about how it's not animated and it's going to be on DVD soon]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Guy:''' Hey Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy:''' I actually wanted to ask you a question, uh... Since we're talking about comic books and graphic novels and everything, do you read any comic books, do you have a favorite comic book at all?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Sonic the Hedgehog series. From Archie Comics, I have the premiere issue zero, that where I based the uh, [[Sonichu 0|number zero comic book]], based on the number there.
 '''Guy 2:''' Oh my god, me too, I have issue number zero too!
 '''Guy:''' Actually, Chris, I have another question from, um, a fan. How often do you eat at McDonald's? Uh, when do you go there?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, not very often, I'd say like, uh... You know, two or three times a week.
 '''Guy:''' Any specific times?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, not specifically, it just depends on how I feel.
 '''Guy:''' Right.
 '''Guy 1:''' What about the Happy Meal, do you still get those?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... No. I used to, but I don't nowadays.
 '''Guy:''' What about the toys, I mean you can still buy the toys separately from the Happy Meals.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... But I don't need necessarily now to collect the toys... But it's not like I, uh- It's been a long time since I actually bought a toy by itself from McDonald's or Burger King. ''(Pause)'' Yeah, so like I said, that's uh... I haven't done that in a long time.
 '''Guy 1:''' Oh... Are most of the toys in your room from past... like, you collected?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yeah, most of which.
 '''Guy 1:''' So you don't buy toys, like, recently?
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean I buy like- I bought, like... Transformer toys, recently.
 '''Guy:''' I have another question from a fan, uh... YouTubeLover was saying, you have so many toys, so when do you play with them? Or, do you play with them?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I play with them sometimes. You know just to at least, change them from robot, to vehicle, to robot and back, and back. Hm... It's kinda like, uh, one way to, uh, put my mind off something else, or relieve stress events, it just- ''(Suddenly getting defensive about it)'' I don't care- I don't care, it's like, you know, people are young at heart, and I consider myself young at heart, ''so there''.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, well that's okay, I mean I built my Gundamn models and stuff, so it's cool, man.
 '''Guy 2:''' Which grade do you build?
 '''Guy:''' What?
 '''Guy 2:''' Which grade do you build?
 '''Guy:''' Oh, I have all the grades, I have like everything.
 '''Guy 2:''' I only do like... first grade-
 '''Guy:''' Anyway, let Chris talk.
 '''Chris:''' No that's okay, you all continue, 'cause I don't have anything to contribute to the conversation.
 '''Guy:''' Well Chris, we want to hear stuff straight from you.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I... don't particularly have any Gundam models myself. So, I wouldn't- So, I can't really say. Myself.
 '''Guy:''' But still, you do have toys, right, I'm just saying that's cool.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, it's alright, I don't mind other conversations besides from ones around me. I mean let's all talk-
 '''Guy:''' Yeah but you're here and essentially... You don't really come here much.

===Duck Tales (1:17:43 - 1:28:30)===
'''Emily:''' Hey, Chris, I have another question for you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Emily:''' Would you ever get your... duck pierced, if your sweetheart thought it would be really hot and it would improve your sex life?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... I'm sorry could you repeat that question again, my "duck pier"?
 '''Emily:''' Your duck pierced, you know, your...
 '''Chris:''' Ohh! Oh, right, oh. I would never have- I do not have a piercing-
 '''Guy:''' Prince Albert.
 '''Emily:''' No but would you do it, because, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Emily:''' It can increase the pleasure.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh... Even that considering, I still would not get any piercings.
 '''Guy 1:''' Yo, what's a "duck"?
 '''Chris:''' It's an- It's a- It stand- It's like, replacing the "I" with a "U" in the word "dick".
 '''Guy 2:''' So it's a euphemism. ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' It's just another word I made up, another word for dick, but without saying "dick". It's-
 '''Guy 2:''' Do you know what a euphemism is?
 '''Guy 3:''' Okay, it's called a euphemism.
 '''Chris:''' "Euphemism"...
 '''Guy:''' It's basically another word for saying a nicer word for something that-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' I understand, I understand.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy:''' And you spell it Y-O-O-P-H-I-M-E-S-M.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah- Uh, excuse me, I'll be right back.
 ''[Silence for a few seconds]''
 '''Guy 1:''' Seriously guys, we-
 '''Chris:''' ''(In the background)'' Kittyyyyy... ''(More silence)'' No kitty! Outta the kitchen. Shoo! Shoo-shoo! ''(More silence for a while, some rustling and breathing heard)''
 '''Guy 1:''' Are you okay?
 ''[More silence]''
 '''Guy 2:''' Hey Chris, I have a question here from a fan.
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait for him to get back first.
 '''Guy 2:''' Oh, I thought he was back.
 '''Guy 1:''' He's feeding the kitty.
 '''Guy 2:''' I like cats, they're very cute.
 ''[Some more talking about cats]''
 '''Guy 1:''' Okay, quiet.
 ''[Sound of water running or something, more rustling. A long period of silence. More water running. Chris can be heard talking to the cats a few times.]''
 '''Julie:''' Chris? Hello? ''(Chris sighs in the background)'' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll just put my headphones back on. Yeah, I'm back.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you something?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' Um...
 '''Chris:''' It's okay, what is it?
 '''Julie:''' It's about... You know, uh...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, is it sexual?
 '''Julie:''' Kind of.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay.
 '''Julie:''' It's about... Down there.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Julie:''' It's about down there, your... duck?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it, what is it?
 '''Julie:''' Is it really... Naturally bent, I- I know it ''[something]''
 '''Chris:''' Is it actually what?
 '''Julie:''' Tell me about why your duck is bent, please.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, bent. Yeah. I- I did- It's... It's- It's natural, it's natural, toward- Toward the end, it has a downward bend. It's downward. Uh, it-
 '''Julie:''' Chris, I'm a doctor. I've never heard in my life anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' You're a doctor?
 '''Julie:''' I want to be one and I'm studying up on it, remember?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hmm... Actually I don't remember you telling me that, so that's news to me.
 '''Julie:''' It was like one of the first things I sent you. How do you not remember?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Julie, I forgot that one, but yeah- That's right, yeah, you did tell me about that. Sorry about that. Well anyway, you are studying to be a doctor.
 '''Julie:''' Yes, and never in my life have I heard that it... Chris, was it- Was it a penis pump? It's okay if it was, I just want you to tell me the truth.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Well, actually, um... Well, I don't- Okay, I don't know why it's bent downward, I just assumed it was natural.
 '''Julie:''' You must have done something, come on.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Maybe because I've been wearing briefs- I've been wearing briefs all my life, and that could've, uh, forced it to be bent downward when it gets... stiff.
 '''Julie:''' But, Chris-
 '''Chris:''' I dunno! I don't but- I don't know-
 '''Julie:''' Chris, have you ever used a penis pump?
 '''Chris:''' A- a- a pump?
 '''Julie:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yes, I have. ''(Pause)'' Well, but- but my- My penis was already bent downward BEFORE I used the pump. It was already bent downward.
 '''Julie:''' What about the Viagra?
 '''Chris:''' I never took Viagra.
 '''Julie:''' You told me you did, didn't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I took- For the record, I did not take Viagra, I took Extenze.
 '''Julie:''' Oh right, right.
 '''Chris:''' And my- My... dick was bent downward before I took that as well.
 '''Julie:''' Oh. Can I ask you a question about that?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, sure.
 '''Julie:''' Did you take Extenze and use a penis pump so you could try and impress women, maybe?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, did you say if I could- Are you asking me if I could do that?
 '''Julie:''' No, why did you use the pump and the Extenze?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, I did not do it the same time, for your- for your information.
 '''Julie:''' I know but why would you use them at all?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I felt like my dick could be longer.
 '''Julie:''' ''(Pause)'' Oh, alright. I'm just asking, I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah, those don't actually work, they can actually cause damage to your penis.
 '''Chris:''' What, the pump?
 '''Guy 1:''' Yes.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yes, and also most women do not care about like...
 '''Guy 1:''' Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' Well, for the record, mine does grow up to a maxium of seven inches.
 ''[People talking over each other, somebody asks about measuring]''
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Well-
 '''Guy:''' You could use a tape measure.
 '''Chris:''' I used a- I used a ruler. You know I-
 '''Guy:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I based it against the uh, bent part. Make it straight. So, it does go a maxium of seven inches in length.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah my dad was a doctor, he always told me to stay away from those things.
 '''Chris:''' Well anyway, you know, that measurement was- That measurement was made AFTER the, uh... Extenze. ''(Pause)'' You know, before and after- Before it was like five to six inches.

===Dating Education (1:28:30- 1:38:48)===
'''Guy 1:''' Okay, um... ''(Awkward silence)''
 '''Guy 2:''' Hey Chris, I was wondering, where did you get the idea for [[Dating Education]]?
 '''Chris:''' The idea for Dating Education... Okay, basically in High School we have ''Sexual'' Education, and it's like, well it's fine for... when you get that far in the dating situation, but how to we get to the first date, period. That's the idea-
 '''Guy 3:''' Uh, excuse me Chris, but I think the whole point of Sex Ed is more out of, um... cautioninary, you know, telling the kids to take caution and-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Guy 3:''' -it's not exactly an instructor, it's more or less just telling them-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I- I understand that. And, uh... I understand that, I took a Sex Ed class when I was in High School, so I unders- I do have [[Chris and sex|a great understanding]] of that. I'm just saying, how do we... get to the first date, period, that's why, Dating Education, I feel is required. It's-
 '''Guy 1:''' Well most people- The thing is, most people can handle their own pre-date blindness, I think it's just your Autism kind of prevents you from-
 '''Guy 2:''' Plus, you-
 '''Guy 1:''' Hold on, let me talk.
 '''Chris:''' Look, let me just, look, well one thing. ''This guy'' is blaming my Autism.
 '''Guy 1:''' No, no, no, look, I'm studying psychology, I know this stuff. Um, it makes it hard for you to interpret social cues, so...
 '''Chris:''' Yes, exactly, Dating Education is for people like that. Could be for people like that to-
 '''Guy 1:''' You could actually go to therapy, and they can teach you this stuff.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they should teach it- They should teach it like in uh... In the High Schools-
 '''Guy 2:''' That seems kinda like it would be a waste of school funds.
 '''Chris:''' No, not necessarily!
 '''Guy 1:''' I'm just saying for normal- Normally for people, dating comes easily for them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well there are- There's-
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait, wait, don't talk over him.
 '''Chris:''' There are a lot of people who still are very shy to even approach... women, and there are even shy people who are afraid to approach men. I-
 '''Guy 2:''' Well, I think that has to do more with personal shyness, I mean you have to get over that eventually. That is very-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still, Dating Education classes will- Will allow... Would teach, uh... The uh, shy people, uh... Good things to say and do.
 '''Guy 1:''' Well, they already have Psycho Therapy.
 '''Chris:''' And also-
 '''Guy 1:''' Psycho Therapy.
 '''Chris:''' It has nothing to do with therapy. It's like... You teach them to-
 '''Guy 3:''' How isn't it like therapy?
 '''Chris:''' You teach- Therapy is like, only one person, in one room, you-
 '''Guy 1:''' No, they have group therapy too.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah, I took group therapy for my depression, and it helped me.
 '''Guy 1:''' I have something called Social Anxiety Disorder, I was really shy, I couldn't talk to anyone, so I went to group therapy, and I learned all about dates and stuff.
 '''Guy 3:''' Hold up, uh, Chris- I don't know if you're reading the left or not, but YouTubeLover is actually saying that shy people aren't retarded, ''[something]'' YouTubeLover is saying.
 '''Chris:''' Ummm... For the record, I'm not- I'm not [[slow in the mind]]. And also, The R-Word is offensive to me.
 '''Guy 3:''' I'm sorry, that's just what YouTubeLover said.
 '''Guy 1:''' "The R-Word"?
 '''Chris:''' "Retarded".
 '''Guy 1:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' It questions the mental capabilities.
 '''Guy 1:''' Chris, this is not what I'm talking about at all, you're just taking what I'm saying and trying to completely derail it.
 '''Guy 2:''' I know what you're talking about.
 '''Guy 3:''' Maybe you need a class on how to get friends.
 '''Guy 1:''' See, what I'm saying is this is all, um... Making friends and stuff, this is all... It's not really stuff you can teach, it's just...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but... Dating Education class would teach you, like, would recommend... suggest things you could say and do.
 '''Guy 2:''' But it isn't really a proven method, Chris.
 '''Guy 3:''' Chris, let me- Here's the situation, you remember when you were in the PokeLeague?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah.
 '''Guy 3:''' Yes. Did you have friends there? I mean, that's what friends are, friends are people that you can relate to, they are... people that share-
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had acquaintances- I had... friends AND acquaintances.
 '''Guy 3:''' Well, it- I mean, you like to put things into categories and, y'know, you'd consider people that have a similar interest in things with you as friends, because you know, you talk to them about things, and you share ideas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy 3:''' I mean, we're all just trying to help you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Guy 1:''' What I'm trying to say is, dating basically comes down to social skills. You can't teach social skills as something that- You can get therapy for it, I mean it's not really something you can teach.
 '''Chris:''' It can be taught though.
 '''Guy 2:''' No it can't.
 '''Guy 4:''' There are like, dating coaches, Chris, have you ever thought of seeing a dating coach or someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' I-
 '''Guy:''' Those are baloney.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Sounds like baloney.
 '''Guy 3:''' ..You know, you kind of-
 '''Guy 1:''' Well anyway, what I was saying, is... forget it now.
 '''Guy 3:''' Well, as I was saying, you... You don't really learn, you kind of, you know... Get to know somebody, um... It usually starts on how they... It usually starts with similar interests-
 '''Chris:''' Alright, hang on, hang on. Stop for a moment. Hey. YouTubeLover, I've played video games, my mind gets- I have developed quick-minded skills from that, so therefore... I can make- I can make decisions on the fly like THAT. ''(Pause)'' Yeah but still, that still proves that I'm not slow. 'Cause I can make decisions-
 ''[Audio is messed up for a while, Chris is still talking about how he's not slow and has many friends]''
 '''Guy:''' It sounds like you're getting "acquaintances" and "friends" messed up, the people at Church are acquaintances, and kind of have to be with you, friends are the people that would ask, after Church, "Hey, let's go get something to eat" or "Hey, did you hear about this movie coming out?" and then you go see a movie with them.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I'm getting tired of answering questions right now, but.. ''[Audio still messed up. Chris and the others keep talking back and forth for a while. Sarah May returns and they start talking, eventually the audio goes back to normal]''

===Chris shatters Sarah May's heart (1:38:48 - 1:56:55)===
'''Chris:''' Sarah, you are my friend.
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't know, because it doesn't always feel like that, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm... I get- I get under stress sometimes, it's hard for me to... think... about every single detail.
 '''Sarah May:''' I sensing that, like, you just wanna use me for sex, you-
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want- I- I am your friend, and I wish to... Sarah, you are my friend. And I love you as such. Okay?
 '''Sarah May:''' I guess, I... kind of feel like crying...
 '''Chris:''' No you don't have- Don't cry. Don't cry. I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm just a little upset that ''[something]'' then we'd have a threesome and like-
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, oh, oh, that. Yeah. Hmmm... Yeah. I'm sorry about that. It- Uh... My mind was- was in one- was... Uh... Had my mind in another location, and uh, just... didn't want me to think, past... clearly. I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' You mean like, in a sexual place, you know, like thinking about that?
 '''Julie:''' Actually, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No I- No no no, not in a sexual place, no.
 '''Sarah May:''' Okay...
 '''Chris:''' I was like, uh... Hm, uh... some- yeah. Hm. Anyway, I'm sorry, Sarah.
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Julie?
 '''Julie:''' Because of my, uh, recent religious studies, I don't really think... Chris, I don't really want you to have sex with another woman.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I'd be having the sex with you FIRST.
 '''Julie:''' No, that's... That's not what I mean, it's more the... I don't want you to have sex with another woman.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' Well that's like, you're- you're- you're, uh... Now you're saying it's like, uh... Another-
 '''Julie:''' And I'm not gonna have sex with other men either, so...
 '''Chris:''' But, you know, Julie I was-
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' The Bible states that sex should only be after marriage and with one person, your soulmate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well... Yes. Julie. But, you know, from what I was taught in my Methodist Church, sex before marriage IS okay. As long as we love each other. Very much, Julie. And I love you.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, I do truly love you, but... It's love, and it's something you should just share with me, you know.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that's right, I will be shining for you first, for a whole bunch- For a whole bunch of number of times, and than if we want- and then if we- Then- If and when we feel ready, with Sarah, who is our, uh... Who is our friend.
 '''Julie:''' It's God's will that you went to a Methodist Church. Which is the same is mine.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, I thought you said that you didn't go to Church.
 '''Julie:''' No I mean, I went to a Methodist Church and it's the same as yours- No, I mean- What I'm trying to say is, what I'm TRYING to say is that I don't want you having sex with other women. I'm just trying- Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie. I understand. And I'll respect your wishes. I will keep myself- I will save myself sexually for you.
 '''Julie:''' I'm sorry, I'm just nervous.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay. It's okay, I understand. ''(Pause)'' I'm hugging you, Julie. Do you feel that?
 '''Julie:''' Yes. You promise me you won't have sex with other women?
 '''Chris:''' Un- Unless I had your consent, I promise I will not have sex with other women.
 '''Sarah May:''' But... But, Chris, you promised.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, I promised, uh... You'd be the first- You would be in- You would be- You would be in our threesome, and uh...
 '''Sarah May:''' But... But Julie just said she didn't want you to... You know...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she didn't want me to have... sex with other women, uh... Julie, uh, you wanna answer this question? Because I'm not sure I'm able to, myself.
 '''Julie:''' Yes, I will answer it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' So what's the question?
 '''Sarah May:''' Um, I was just wondering because... Chris promised me before that he would have a threesome with me, and now you don't him to, and... I'm really upset right now, is all.
 '''Julie:''' Well yes, but you must understand where I'm coming from, I mean, I'm sure if you had a husband, you actually wouldn't want him having sex with other men.
 '''Sarah May:''' Well, I- I understand, because I'd want to keep my man to myself to, but it's just... He promised, I don't know what kind of person goes back on their promises.
 '''Julie:''' I'm sorry, Sarah May, but this is my decision.
 '''Sarah May:''' I understand, but... I just feel really... The promise you made to me was just really special and sacred, you know? I just want to know that we're good friends, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I meant the promise as sacred between me and Sarah May, as friends, and such. And, uh, Julie, just to let you know, I would be- I would be okay- You would have my consent if you wanted to, uh, have sex with the other man, that's why I had given- That's why I gave it consideration, and uh... Feel that I'd be cool. With uh, you having, uh... With you and me having a with- With another- With the guy, with the second guy in there.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' The Bible is the Word of God. Not your Church. I love you. I love you with my heart, Chris, but please...
 '''Chris:''' I understand, Julie. I understand. And I respect... you for that.
 '''Sarah May:''' I think it's okay in the Bible if it's sex with someone you truly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. You're right- You are correct, Sarah. It is. Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' It's the WORD OF GOD. Not your Church.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but the Church enforces, uh... The rules in the Bible. A guidelines for like, how we should... live our lives. Recommendations.
 '''Julie:''' It's God's Will. And I think that it would be against God's Will if we decide to do it with another man or woman.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm. I understand, yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Now please, Chris. Promise me that you won't have sex with another woman that's not me.
 '''Chris:''' Julie, I promise, I will not have sex with another woman that's other than you.
 '''Sarah May:''' But you promised me first! Doesn't that matter to you?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yes, Sarah, it does matter to me. And I'm sorry. I just-
 '''Sarah May:''' But-
 '''Chris:''' I didn't realize that Julie would feel this way. I wish you-
 '''Sarah May:''' Well-
 '''Julie:''' I'm sorry, Sarah May.
 '''Sarah May:''' Doesn't it matter the way I feel?
 '''Chris:''' It does matter, Sarah. I feel for you. I truly do.
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't think you do, Chris! I doesn't feel like you do.
 '''Chris:''' I do, cuz it- 'Cause right now, it might feel like, uh... You're being... You're being set- It might feel like you're possibly being set out- Set aside, like an outsider, but-
 '''Sarah May:''' It feels like that because that's what is happening, I mean there's no other word for it.
 '''Julie:''' Wait a minute, Chris. Chris, when you talk about how you promised her first... Who else have you promised sex to?
 '''Chris:''' Ohhhhh... Uhhhh....
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, a promise is a sacred thing, and I just don't understand why you would promise me and then break it, and then promise Julie, how does she know it's true?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Julie:''' Because he truly loves me.
 '''Sarah May:''' But I thought you loved me!
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Alright, I-
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, you- You can't have it both ways, you know. I don't understand why you-
 '''Chris:''' Sarah. Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' Yes?
 '''Chris:''' Don't be upset. I'm sorry, I made the uh, promise... with a- with an assumption that I was uncertain of on, uh, Julie's behalf. And Sarah, I love you and care about and respect you as a friend. And I'm sorry I made a promise I could not keep.
 '''Sarah May:''' But, I don't know if I can trust you now. I mean, I was gonna go to Virginia and everything, and now it's... Now I don't think I should.
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, you are welcome to come and visit. But as I just have promised Julie... No sex. But we can still hang out together. Is that okay, Julie?
 '''Julie:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Just hanging out. Me and Sarah May.
 '''Julie:''' Well that's alright. But if I catch word, Chris, that you did commit adultery with Sarah May I will be very upset.
 '''Chris:''' I swear, I will not, uh... have sex with Sarah May. Sarah, you-
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)'' It's not fair, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' It's not fair, why would you do this to me??
 '''Chris:''' I didn't know back then!! I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' I... I feel so broken right now.
 '''Chris:''' I feel s- I feel sad about it too. That I- That, uh... I can't keep the promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. ''(Pause)'' I feel for you, I truly do, Sarah. As a friend, I feel for you.
 '''Sarah May:''' How could you feel for me, 'cause... This is never happened to you, no one's ever broken your heart like this.
 '''Chris:''' My heart HAS been broken before. ''(Sigh)'' Between Mary Lee Walsh, uh... Tellin' me not to search for my sw- Search for sweetheart the way I did back then. And then also that one time... That I actually drew in the- drew as a Sub-Episode. Hanna. She was just pulling my leg back then.
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, what are you talking about?!
 '''Chris:''' I'm just giving you a couple of examples of when my heart WAS actually broken.
 '''Sarah May:''' But- But why? We're talking about me right now, I thought.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, we are talking about you right now. ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't think you care about me anymore...
 '''Chris:''' I- I DO care about you, Sarah May. I care about you very much, as a friend. Okay?
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' I have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you, that anyone who looks at a woman to lust for her, has committed adultery in his heart." Do you understand what I'm saying?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yes, Julie. And you know, Julie, I'll tell- I'll tell you something. Uh... I'm not, I uh, I'm not uh... I'm still holding on to my- to the, uh... feelings that I was feeling when I was talking to you, Sarah, but, you know, just, uh... I'm holding on that, but I'm talking to Julie right now. And Julie, I wanna say, I'm proud of you for, uh, taking such an interest in the Methodist Church.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm religious too, I just... Am I wrong?
 '''Chris:''' No, you-
 '''Sarah May:''' Am I wrong about what I believe?
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah. You are not wrong. You are right. You are right in what you believe, yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' But how can both me and Julie be right?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' Because, to... each of you, from your own point of view, what you see is right.
 '''Sarah May:''' But Chris, why are you listening to what Julie says about religion? Why aren't you listening to me?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, uh... I- I will listen to you, Sarah, umm... If you have anything you'd like to say, I'm... open and I will listen to your impressions and assumptions. ''(Long pause)''
 '''Sarah May:''' Well... I mean, I'm Jewish, is that okay?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, you're Jewish.
 '''Sarah May:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I did not- I did not know that. But, yes, that's okay, '''Julie'''. You are Jewish-
 '''Sarah May:''' I was really afraid that you would... be upset with me.
 '''Chris:''' No it's okay, I'm not upset with you. I'm not upset with you, '''Julie'''. And I accept the fact that you are Jewish. And I accept- And I still accept you... as my friend. And also, uh, I may offer a input, if I heard correctly, uh... Uh, people who are Jewish are not supposed to have sex outside their religion.
 '''Sarah May:''' Yes, some people believe that, but not all of them.
 '''Chris:''' Do you believe it?
 '''Sarah May:''' Some of us don't believe in it.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Do you believe in it?
 '''Sarah May:''' Yeah, I think as long as the people love each other, then it's okay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Well then, '''Julie''', you are right.
 '''Sarah May:''' I mean, I respect Julie's opinions and all, but, you know, I just... I think in any religion that a promise should be a sacred thing, you know.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, '''Julie''', I agree. Promises are sacred.
 ''(In case you lost count, Chris called her by the wrong name FOUR times in a row.)''
 '''Sarah May:''' That was me, not Julie.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Not understanding)'' Yes. I am listening.
 '''Sarah May:''' Why are you calling me "Julie", Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No, I- I did not call you "Julie".
 '''Sarah May:''' You just did!
 '''Chris:''' Wait... No, I said "Yes-" ''(Finally realizes)'' Oh, I'm sorry. My mind is-
 '''Sarah May:''' You- Are you just pretending that I'm Julie?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no! No, Sarah. No. I'm not-
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)'' Why would you do that to me?
 '''Chris:''' It was an accident!
 '''Sarah May:''' WHY???
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' How could you make a stupid accident like that, Chris??
 '''Chris:''' I'm not perfect, we're not perfect! ''(Sigh)'' We're only- We're only human. We have our- We have rights to make mistakes. And I have made mistakes.
 '''Sarah May:''' It's just like, when you're having sex with somebody and they say somebody else's name, do you know what that would feel like? Do you know what this is doing to me right now, Chris??
 '''Chris:''' I- Sarah. I do understand. Because I have... seen that situation on television.
 ''[Once again, the audio is fucked. Chris and Sarah May are talking. Sarah says something about killing herself and Chris yells at her not to do it. Someone laughs, presumably the person who is recording the chat. The audio returns to normal for a few seconds.]
 '''Chris:''' ''[something]'' -it was just now!
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)'' I'm sorry, you know I-
 '''Chris:''' NOOOOOOOO, I'm sorry-
 ''[Audio cuts out again for a short while]''

===Put the knife down, I sent you a lock of my hair! (1:56:55 - 2:01:42)===
'''Sarah May:''' I can't believe this!
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' I can't believe it either.
 '''Sarah May:''' You- You won't even say anything, you just told me you don't ''[something]'' ...You don't even care about me!
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, I do care about you!
 '''Sarah May:''' You just wanna talk to Julie right now, don't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm talk- No. I wanna talk to you, I want to... help you feel better, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' You're not even trying...
 '''Chris:''' I am trying, Sarah. I'm sorry. I messed up, and I feel bad about it too.
 '''Sarah May:''' But you KEEP messing up! You just- you keep doing it! I... I think I'm gonna do something really bad...
 '''Chris:''' NO, SARAH, DON'T! Don't do- Don't do anything bad! Don't, no. No. Don't hurt yourself, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris... I think I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' NO, NO, NO, don't do that, you've got a lot to live for, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I feel like- I feel like killing myself, or-
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah, don't!
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm gonna kill myself...
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no. No. No. Sarah? Don't kill yourself. Don't kill yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' I just- I feel like nothing is worth living for anymore, because-
 '''Chris:''' Sarah! Sarah, there are a lot of things in life worth living for.
 '''Sarah May:''' There nothing, if your friend can't even keep a promise and doesn't even know your name...
 '''Chris:''' I do know your name, your name is Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' You don't- You don't know my name... You don't.
 '''Chris:''' Your name is- You are SARAH MAY.
 '''Sarah May:''' Then why do you keep calling me "Julie"?
 '''Chris:''' I am not- I stopped. I stopped doing that.
 '''Sarah May:''' You did it like five times!
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah. Look, ''(Sigh)'' well maybe I miscounted.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm killing myself right now...
 '''Chris:''' NO, NO, DON'T- No! No! No! No-
 '''Sarah May:''' I've got the blade, you can't stop me!
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah- Sarah, put the knife down.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm doing it!
 '''Chris:''' No- No, Sarah! No.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm doing it right now!
 '''Chris:''' No. Look, stop. Stop. Just, just stop.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' Put the knife down, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying, in pain)''
 '''Chris:''' Put the knife down, Sarah. You don't need to do this. You've got- You have a lot to live for, Sarah. Sarah, you have a lot to live for. You have your-
 '''Sarah May:''' You just keep saying the same thing, you-
 '''Chris:''' You have your family! You have your friends! You have your future! And also, I- Also, Sarah. I sent Cassie 23 samples of my locks of hair.
 '''Sarah May:''' Why are you telling me this?? Why???
 '''Chris:''' Because, uh, I know- I know... from Cassie's promise, she will send you one of those locks.
 '''Sarah May:''' But that doesn't matter right now, why are you talking about this??
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh, whiny)'' Sarah, I'm trying to make you feel better. I'm trying- I'm trying to help you.
 '''Sarah May:''' You... You... ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' Sarah... I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm gonna...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, no, don't cut yourself any more.
 '''Sarah May:''' I- I thought you understood us, I... I thought you understood the girls, you said you did...
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I did understand... women. Well, maybe not- Maybe not to a full amount of knowledge, but I CARE, and I RESPECT all women's feelings, including yours, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' Then why did you lie to me? You lied to all of us, when you say you-
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' You say you respect us, and I... You have to stop lying, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, I'm not lying now. ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' How do I know that? You tell me you weren't lying before, and then you turn around and you... I... I don't- I have to...
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' I have to go.
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah, Sarah. I was ready-
 '''Sarah May:''' I have to go, I have to go now, I can't take this anymore...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I can't take this anymore...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah? I love you-
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm leaving right now, I can't-
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I can't take it...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah? I'll give you- I'll give you your space. You just calm- Just take your time. Just calm down.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' Don't cut or kill yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' No, don't- Don't cut or kill yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' Well, I'm gonna do it right now.
 '''Chris:''' No-
 '''Sarah May:''' Goodbye, Chris... Goodbye.
 '''Chris:''' Sarah? I love you as a friend! ''(She's gone)'' Oh...

===The Five Stages of Grief (2:01:42 - END)===
'''Julie:''' Chris? I'm sorry, Chris... I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' No, this is my fault.
 '''Julie:''' This... I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' I'm sorry too, Julie. I did- I made a promise I did not realize that I couldn't keep. And now I just made... things worse. I... Thought- At least- At least two or five times I said your name instead of Sarah's.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, it's okay. We'll get throught this together, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Y'know, Julie, it took me a long time- took me a long time to make the transition from... um, [[PandaHalo|Sarah/Panda]] to your- to you. 'Cause y'know, back then I... My- The first name that came into mind was- was hers, but... Still, I tried- Still, I worked HARD in shifting from that- from her to you. To devote myself to you. I- I do- Julie? I love you and a care about you a lot as a friend, and as my... girlfriend.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Sarah May may be gone, but I...
 '''Chris:''' Well at least I still have you.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Breathing)''
 '''Julie:''' But, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' I'm still worried, she's probably dead I'm... worried about her. I... Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm worried too.
 '''Julie:''' I need to go and think.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, me too.
 '''Julie:''' For a while...
 '''Chris:''' Me too.
 '''Julie:''' I might not be back for a week.
 '''Chris:''' I understand. Julie? I'm still looking forward to your letter, and I'll look forward to the next time we chat. And... ''Ich bin schwell'', Julie.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' I think, at this time, maybe you should talk to [[Clyde]].
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I un- I understand. We should talk to Clyde. If the home- If my home phone rings in the future, I'll be sure to answer it.
 '''Julie:''' No, I think we should talk to him on Skype.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Well, okay, let's... We can switch over to Skype then. Alright.
 ''[The end. Bluespike sings and everyone in the chat is amazed by what just transpired.]

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 7|Mumble Chat 7]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 9|Mumble Chat 9]]|}}

==Links==
* [https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBaWhzZ1NLXzF0dFE Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Mumble 8

2015-09-04T03:53:20Z

Monotreme: Expanded the summary

'''Mumble 8''' is the eighth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]], held on 17 [[February 2009]].

Chris confirms he drank (recycled) his [[semen]]. There are discussions about [[gaybian|lesbian]] sex, the [[homos]] (with awesome raging from GeckoMantis), and an Oscar-winning performance by [[Sarah May]] (RIP).

==Summary==
{{incomplete}}

* Chris does his infamous [[Donald Duck impersonation]] for [[Julie]]
* [[Megan]]'s favorite band is [[Wikipedia:Guns N' Roses|Guns N' Roses]].
* Chris will not call Rick Astley a [[homo]].
* There is a feud between [[Molvanîa]] and Russia.
* [[Wikipedia:Son Gohan|Gohan]]'s girlfriend is Chris's favorite ''[[Dragonball]]'' character.
* Chris is asked to list [[Chris and religion|the ten commandments and the seven deadly sins]]. He reaches for his Bible because he can't remember. (Although, as a Protestant, the seven deadly sins would be irrelevant.)
* Mr. Roboto gets kicked.
* Chris says his [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] told him premarital [[sex]] is okay.

[15:40]
*Chris on premarital sex with Julie: After you get here, we could talk to my pastor about it further.
*Julie: I've said it many times. I discuss it in my letter.
*Chris: I'm just sayin'. After you get here, we could talk to my pastor about it.

[17:00]
* A [[troll]] suggests Chris looks for loopholes in everything to justify himself. Chris cuts him off.
* Epic rage from the troll.
* Chris asks for forgiveness and says everyone has a different interpretation of the Bible.
* Troll calls him out on his [[Homos|homophobia]]. Chris says he's taken it back, so it's ok.

[24:00]
* Chris sexual urges weren't as strong back when he had [[gal-pals|female friends]].

[42:20]
* Chris confirms he drank (recycled) his [[semen]].

[45:30]
* Chris is willing to perform a threesome involving two men. Julie is willing to do it with Chris and [[Emily]] then.
* It's not gay if balls aren't touching.
* Chris wants them to engage in [[Wikipedia:Tribadism|tribbing]].

[47:20]

* [[Sarah May]] thought Chris wanted her and Julie to have a threesome.
* Since Chris asked Sarah first, she can have the first threesome with Julie.
* Two women is Chris's limit.
* Chris can't decide between Sarah and Julie

[51:50]
* Both women can't get pregnant because Chris would wear a condom.
* The trolls explain the concept of friends with benefits. This is just too much for Chris to take in right now.

[56:00]
* The speed at which Chris produces [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]] depends on [[Stress|how he is feeling]].
* Chris should be able to draw more, say trolls
* Chris will try to get a page done a day.
* Derrick explains [[Wikipedia:Stream of consciousness (narrative mode)|stream of consciousness]] writing. Chris talks about storing shit in his memory, which is totally the opposite style.

[1:03:22]
*The trolls ask Chris what [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy's]] voice is like.
*A voice actor joins the chat and does various impressions while Chris attempts to do some of his own.

[1:09:27]
*The trolls ask Chris what his favorite comic book series is. Unsurprisingly, it's [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].
*Chris doesn't go to [[McDonald's]] often, "maybe two or three times a week."
*Chris says he plays with all of the [[toys]] in [[Chris's room|his room].

[1:17:43]
*[[Honor roll|Chris doesn't know what a euphemism is]].
*Chris shoos away one of his [[cats]].
*Chris says he measured his [[Duck|dick]] with a ruler.

[1:28:30]
*Chris talks about [[Dating Education]].
*The trolls try to give Chris actual dating advice, but he ignores it.

[1:38:48]
* Sarah May is so upset Chris called her Julie she attempts suicide.
* Chris [[Chris and death|shrugs it off]], saying he still has Julie.

==Transcript==
===Introductions (00:00-00:39)===
 '''Guy:''' What's up?
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, doin' okay, doin' okay. Got some [[stress]], but I'm okay.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Stress is bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hm, haven't updated in a while-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' We enjoy the new- we enjoy the preview for the new comic.
 '''Chris:''' Now, now just a, just a [[Bob walks in|minor recent event]] that I won't go into, uh, it's just a minor inconvenience really. But it made me- mmm, basically in a nutshell my computer got turned off and I didn't turn it back on for a coupla days.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' That is terrible. It remind me of the time my mama had taken away my computer. Because I, I spent too much time on it. And she said "You spend too much time on computer!"
 '''Chris:''' Huh. Goodness. Yeah. Yeah, but we don't have to go into that.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, there's something I forgot to ask.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' Do you think you could do your Dona- your [[Donald Duck impersonation]] for me, please?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' He already did that before, didn't he?
 '''Chris:''' ''[in his horrible Donald Duck voice]'' So ask me how was my day. What are we doin'? ''[quacks]''
 ''[Julie and others laugh]''
 '''Julie:''' Chris, how about, how about the- how about the Uncle Ruckus for everyone, please?
 '''Chris:''' ''[equally horrible [[The Boondocks|Uncle Ruckus]] voice]'' Don't trust them new [[Niggos|niggers]] over there! Sing along if you know the words.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Um, I do not believe Ruckus ever says that. And I am from Russia, so I do not see much of the show though. [pause] Well, you should come see Russia, Chris. It is nice.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sure it is.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yes. It is very- although we have [[CWCville|high corruption in our government]], we are fine people, and we work hard for our lives.
 '''Chris:''' I do not disagree with you.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Wait, you said that- are you saying that corruption is good thing?
 '''Chris:''' No. I, I don't like corruption. I'm just saying that I agree, I agree with you on the fact that y'all are proud people. And respectable. ''[pause]'' Okay?
 '''Guy:''' Like gays.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I guess, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' [in camp [[Homos|gay]] voice] ''Obviously.''
 ''[pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, what's up?
 '''Chris:''' Umm...a lot of things. Umm, lemme think...mmmmm...
 '''Guy:''' I can't believe I'm talking to [[Liquid Chris|the real Christian Weston Chandler]]. It's mad.
 '''Chris:''' Well, take a deep breath and accept it. 'Cause it's real.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' We love you, Chris. That is why we are impressed by the fact that you would do this for your fans.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Guy:''' Accept no substitutions.
 '''Guy:''' This is wicked awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yep. Accept no substitute. Hm.
 '''Guy:''' Nothing but net.
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, actually it's more like dot com, more like dot com now.
 '''Julie:''' What did you say?
 '''Guy:''' Nothing but dot com and [???]
 '''Julie:''' Actually, what did you say a few minutes ago? I couldn't hear you.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Say a few minutes ago? I, what, when I was talking to the nice Russian guy?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yo.
 '''Guy:''' I didn't know, actually-
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 [Julie and a guy talk at the same time]
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' What did you say about me?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I said that you were a nice guy.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' No, I was tal- I'm- excuse me Chris, but what [[Bryan Bash]] was saying to me. I could not hear him.
 '''Bryan Bash:''' Um, that's your username, isn't it? "Nice Russian Guy"?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' No, it is- no, it is Mr. Roboto. I enjoy [[Wikipedia:Styx (band)|the band Styx]] very much. We just get them here.
 [''Bryan laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, good. So-
 '''Guy:''' Hello there, Chris. Sorry, I was having a bathroom break. [''pause''] And for the record, I love Styx too.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Styx is good band.
 '''Chris:''' I never heard Styx, but I will not disagree with you.
 '''Guy:''' Um, have you ever heard the song "[[Wikipedia:Come Sail Away|Come Sail Away]]"?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I am afraid I have not heard that. Sorry.
 '''Guy:''' Or "[[Wikipedia:Renegade (Styx song)|Renegade]]".
 '''Chris:''' That one neither. I'm sorry.
 [''pause'']
 '''Guy:''' You've never heard "[[Wikipedia:Mr. Roboto|Mr. Roboto]]"? ''Dōmo arigatō'', Mr. Roboto?
 '''Chris:''' I've heard that used in cartoon shows, and other shows like that, other shows outside the cartoon.
 '''Guy:''' Uhh-
 '''Chris:''' I've heard the expression, but I've never heard the song. I didn't even know there was a song. So, um... just a minor ignorance because I did not know about it.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, it's cool. Um, have you ever heard of [[Wikipedia:Rush (band)|the band Rush]]?
 '''Chris:''' I've heard that, I've heard that band, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' Rush is pretty awesome.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, have you ever heard about Guns N' Roses?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Guns N' Roses, that was, uh, [[Megan]]'s favorite band.
 '''Guy:''' I like [[Wikipedia:Elton John|Elton John]], personally.
 '''Guy:''' ''[interrupts previous guy]'' Speaking of Megan, whatever happened to her?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' You are [[Homos|gay]] for liking Elton John. In Russia, we beat up gays.
 '''Guy:''' Dude. I like Elton John's music-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' ''[interrupts]'' You are also gay.
 '''Guy:''' -I also like [[Wikipedia:Boy George|Boy George]]. Is that a problem?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Boy George is homo.
 ''Guy: Mr Roboto, how about you just leave!''
 '''Guy:''' Hey Chris man-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yeah. I am sorry. I apologize.
 '''Guy:''' So uh, speaking of [[YouTube]]... Just to say that he is actually gay. So uh, you know...
 '''Chris:''' Who are we talking about?
 ''[long pause]''
 '''Guy:''' You know the uh- ''[sounds like "[[Wikipedia:Never Gonna Give You Up|Never Gonna Give You Up]]"]'' -song...
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. That was-
 '''Guy:''' ''[interrupts]'' Yeah so that was- ''[unintelligible]''
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' He's not gay.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Well I dunno, so... I will not pass judgment either way.
 '''Guy:''' What do you mean by "pass judgment"?
 '''Chris:''' I mean I would not call him a homo or st- or whatever.
 ''[pause]''
 '''Guy:''' Why would you call him a homo anyway?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Because it is right to ridicule the a- the gays.
 '''Guy:''' Russia must be a very violent place.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' It is. You should come here.
 '''Guy:''' You are a very intolent person.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' I am very tolerant. It is my culture.
 '''Guy:''' Very much so...
 '''Other Guy:''' Your culture is intolerant.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' It is not my fault my culture is like this. I apologize for nothing.
 ''[Muffled]''
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' No. They killed communists.
 '''Chris:''' Yep. That's what I heard.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Heard what?
 '''Chris:''' That Russia does not like communists. They-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' ''[Interrupts]'' Oh we like communists. But stupid fascists killed communism. I would like to see communism returned. It was a fun time.
 '''Julie:''' I never really liked Russia.
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Well Russia doesn't really like you. I heard you were from- ''[unclear]'' -state [[Molvanîa]]
 '''Guy:''' Chris what's your- ''[Yelling]'' Shh! Hey Chris what's your favorite ''[[Dragonball Z]]'' character?
 '''Chris:''' Ok-
 ''[Long pause]''
 '''Guy:''' I'm gonna guess [[Wikipedia:Son Goku (Dragon Ball)|Goku]].
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Guy:'''He's got that "Goku go get 'em" attitude.
 '''Other Guy:''' I liked Piccolo myself.
 '''Chris:''' I like [[Wikipedia:Son Gohan (Dragon Ball)|Gohan]]'s girlfriend.
 '''Other Guy:''' Oh, did you know that "[[Wikipedia:List of Dragon Ball characters#Videl|Videl]]" [''the name of Gohan's girlfriend''] is the word Devil rearranged?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. It's just a name.
 ''[Slightly unintelligible chatter about Dragonball Z]''
 '''Guy:''' Chris what do you feel about Satanists?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Um... Uh yeah. I am not fo- I am not fond of those people.
 '''Guy:''' You know they don't actually worship the Devil?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. But anyway I am not fon- I am not really fond of them.
 '''Guy:''' I know one in college. A Satanist. He pretty much- They don't worship the Devil but instead they- ''[muffled by other people]''
 '''Other Guy:''' Chris, you know the Ten Commandments? [pause] Do you know the Ten Commandments Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I do.
 '''Guy:''' ''[overlapping]'' -Can you recite them for us?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' ''[overlapping]'' In the order that they're supposed to be.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Give me a minute. ''[Sound of Chris wandering off, knocking stuff over]''
 '''Julie:''' Chris I don't think you should leave- ''[unintelligible]''
 ''[pause]''
 ''[Something from Mr Roboto]''
 ''[pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Alright the uh- Ten Commandments. ''[clearly reading from his Bible]'' "Thou shalt have no other God before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any craven [''sic''] image. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain-"
 '''Guy:''' ''[speaking over Chris]'' You are good at this...
 '''Chris:''' "-Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Honor [[Bob|thy father]] and [[Barbara|thy mother]]. Thou shalt not [[Death threats|kill]]. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not swea- bear false witness against thy neighbor and thou shalt not covet anything that is thy neighbors."
 '''Guy:''' Uh we were kinda hoping you'd recite them off the top of your head.
 ''[muffled]''
 '''Guy:''' -Ah it's been a while since i read it. Name the seven deadly sins.
 '''Other Guy:''' ''[muffled]'' I dunno why he asked that...
 ''[muffled. Something about sex before marriage. Various clicks from someone's computer]''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' Yes. You are a whore if you have sex before marriage.
 '''Julie:''' EXCUSE ME? What did you say?
 '''Mr. Roboto:''' I said nothing, Molvanîan bitch.
 '''Julie:''' EXCUSE ME?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I heard him. Go ahead and kick that guy out.
 '''Guy:''' Ok he's kicked now...
 '''Julie:''' ''[in a very boyish voice]'' Son of a bitch...
 '''Guy:''' Seriously all the ones I know are- ''[muffled]''
 '''Guy:''' I think it's true also though, I think he's a closet homo. Seriously.
 '''Chris:''' Well he's gone now, we don't have to worry about him anymore.
 ''[people yelling over each other]''
 '''Guy:''' But he did bring up a good point. Isn't sex before marriage adultery? Isn't lusting after girls adultery?
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' Listen, listen, listen.
 '''Guy:''' Ok I'm listening.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. My [[Rocky|pastoral counselor]] has told me herself that it's ok. As long as she and I love each other truly and very much.
 '''Julie:''' Yes well Chris, well I ''[people talk over "her"]'' Let me finish!
 '''Chris:''' Let her finish please.
 '''Julie:''' Well in the Methodist I follow, there's no sex before marriage.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, in the Methodist you follow?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, like in the way that you follow it, you're allowed to have sex before marriage, and [in the way] I follow it, you're not allowed to have sex before marriage.
 '''Chris:''' Well it's um... Yeah...
 '''Guy:''' Um, who do you think has a better interpretation of the Bible? Your counselor, or God?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well... The Bible can can be [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|misinterpreted in a number of ways]]. Umm-
 '''Julie:''' Chris, if I may? As of now, I don't have sex before marriage.
 '''Guy:''' I thought it was pretty straightforward. I mean... Jesus said himself that if you look at a woman with lust you're basically, you're maintaining a pretty- ''[talked over by Julie]''
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Julie we can talk about this further after you get here. We can talk to my- my uh- my pastor at my church about it further.
 '''Julie:''' I've said it many times, I've discussed it in my letter.
Chris: Yeah. But I'm just saying, that we can talk to my pastor about it. [muffled] Ah!
 '''Guy:''': You know we're all just trying to help you out man.
Other Guy: We don't want you to go to hell. We don't want you to go to hell for having premarital sex [Chris interrupts]
 '''Chris:''' God is forgiving.
 '''Other Guy:''' Not on this planet.
 '''Chris:''' Oh Jesus is forgiving.
 '''Guy:''' Well What if...[interrupted]
 '''Other Guy:''' So, it's ok to have sex out of marriage, but it's not ok to be gay, is that what you're saying?
 '''Guy:''' He's definitely forgiving, but you know, if you... [distortion]
 '''Chris:''' ...there are articles other than that.
 '''Other Guy:''' Chris, you seem to always find try to justify yourself every time by adding loopholes to your Bible just so you can have premarital sex and everything and I don't fucking get it. You're trying to justify yourself for having a ''[[I am STRAIGHT|Playboy]]'', and you're trying to justif…and you're always justif...[interrupted by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' I AM NOT!
 '''Other Guy:''' No! No! I'm not having a No! Fuck You! You're a fucking [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]] douchebag!
 '''Chris:''' Well sometimes I don't know everything, so excuse me…for that.
 '''Other Guy:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' I will, listen, I will, listen, listen, I appreciate your help, but you know when it comes to religion I think, uh... our own individual interpretations of um, each of us individually is uh as is important to us so my interpretation... and, uh, y'alls interpretation which are respectable uh-
 '''Guy:''' [''interjects''] Which are right!
 '''Chris:''' ...are important
 '''Other Guy:''' Okay, so Chris, uh, I just wanted to know, why so much hate against the gays, I mean if religion can be interpreted any way... [''interrupted''] ...seriously.
 '''Chris:''' uh hmm. I... Okay well… Okay I'll take back all the times I said I hated the homos, but obviously when I said that I was uh under a whole bunch of stress, and I just felt most uncomfortable around them and [[JERKS|men in general]], so I guess I just picked the wrong word, so I apologize.
 '''Guy:''' Um, this is just like the time where'd ya-ya-you trying to say that a whole lot of you said were made at times of stress but um, sooner or later you know that isn't it you know going to be like... you can't retract every every statement because you made it out of stress, you know.
 '''Chris:''' I know I can't retract every one, but those I am able to retract, I can and will.
[''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' I had a misunderstanding at that time.
 '''Guy:''' You sure have a lot of stress. I'm just saying.
 '''Chris:''' I had misunderstandings at the time that I said that. Well, I mean, I was in misunderstanding. I misunderstood, I misunderstood, and I said the wrong word to use in my feelings against, uh, them in general, so I retract it back, I retract the word "hate," and I would replace it with, like, you know, I will, I am willing to cope with them in person, and respect, and I will respect them and I will be friends, but you know, nothing beyond that.
 '''Guy:''' I think you probably insulted a lot of them, the homosexual or bisexual people with that statement. Maybe you could make, like, a video, um, saying that you don't hate them.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Alright, I'll do that in a few, I'll do that in the near future, make a video retracting the hate.
 '''Guy:'''Yeah, just say...yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, I'll do that in the near future.
 '''Guy:'''[unclear] Well, by detracting the hate you get some of the needless violence out of the world, so that's good.
 '''Chris:''' Right. OK. I'll do that in the near, I'll do that soon, then.
 '''Guy:'''It's good of you to do that, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' OK.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, you said growing up you had mostly women friends?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Guy:''' Most normal heterosexual men are able to form friendships with other heterosexual men. Uh, how do you explain [unclear]
 '''Chris:''' Mmm...uhhhhmmm...I just didn't meet so many, I just did not have the opportunity to meet so many...men. So there. I just did not have the...
 '''Guy:''' You know,there's tons of boys who like Transformers. And Sonic.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah...I just, the opportunity never showed up so much. I mean as often as with the women. When I had the gal-pals in high school, for example, I didn't have that many opportunity to be friends or associate with that many...men, but you know I did have a few...guy buddies in high school, but that's, that's about it, basically, for that [unclear].
 '''Guy:''' [unclear] characteristic of the homosexuals.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what? [static] Somebody just, uh, said something that I might, that I thought that, uh,...[stress sigh] OK, well look, I had guy, I had friends, I did have, uh, friends and acquaintances that were guys in my lifetime. I just had more female friends and acquaintances.
 '''Guy:''' I think here that a lot of homosexual people and women are like in friendly relationships with homosexuals because they don't feel that threat because the homosexuals are gonna [?]
 '''Chris:''' Uh, wait, what? Say that again?
 '''Guy:''' Like, I heard that when, I heard that like women sometimes look at homosexuals as friends because, you know, they're not going to try to hit on the women.
 '''Chris:''' Well, in my case I would figure that, you know, I was younger than they are, and of course I did not seem as threatening, and I was definitely most friendly, so they were friends with me because they realized that I was friendly. Than other guys. Yeah. Because I didn't, because I, because I did not realize the, uh, sex, I did not have the sexual, as many of the sexual urges back then as I did when I turned 21, at the beginning of that time and beyond.
 '''Julie:''' [Sigh] So, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' 18 CRH What was wrong with a guy dating an older woman?
 '''Chris:''' I was old, I was, I had, I was, mm, you might say I'm old-fashioned in that, old-fashioned in that sense, but, uh, I just didn't, I just didn't, I just didn't want to feel like, uh, I was like the lower half of the factor there. I didn't feel like I was being overtaken or something like that. I don't know, maybe I'm choosing the wrong words right now, the wrong choice of words, but you know they're the ones that came to my head right now.
 '''Guy:''' [question unclear]...pretty big rack?
 '''Chris:''' Sorry, what?
 '''Guy:''' Uh, uh, I'm not sure [] right that.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think you said, uh, you, you, you were kind of a person that like big, big, big racks?
 '''Guy:''' I'm the kind of a person who, I'm the kind of a person, you know, I wouldn't mind if she was a little bit older than me, because, you know, she might be a bit taller [?] looking for someone with a pretty nice-sized rack.
 '''Chris:''' I look more for, more for, uh, the look on the, uh, insides, but consider...
 '''Guy:''' I mean, of course that's a given, I mean, I'm not going to, I'm not going to get with somebody just based on that, but you know, but it's always a nice thing...
 '''Guy #2:''' Um, Chris, I have a question. You say you, like, get based on something on the inside, then what's with the preference? You, I mean, you see stuff in your comics about how it has to be a certain, you know,...
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I'm sorry, could you start over and repeat that please?
 '''Guy #2:''' You, your comics, you say they have to be a, like, certain type of person. They have to be, they can't be black or anything. They have to, you know, they can't be fat, they can't, you know, they can't be, um, yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Well, OK, I admit, I, I admit, I admit, I was a little, I was uh, more, shoot, what's the word I'm looking for? [Guy: "Picky?"] Uh, yeah, yeah, I was, OK there you go, I was more picky back then, but then once I realized as I got older, and uh, to become less picky about, uh, about some of those details.
 '''Guy:''' You had high standards back then, basically.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that was, that was the word I was looking for, high standards, yeah.
 '''Guy:''' Well, that's nice that you're a little bit more open now, hopefully you'll find the person that's your ideal.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well...I'm sorry, go ahead.
 '''Guy "2:''' Would you date a black girl now?
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Julie:''' Are you insisting he should see another woman?
 '''Trolls:''' No! [garbled]
 '''Julie:''' Why not?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah cause, yeah Julie and I are doing very well together. But you know...
 '''Guys:''' Congratulations. Congratulations.
 '''Chris:''' Ok, well, but just, uh, let me think about that, like you know, uh, OK, I am, I am, I am in love with Julie. She and I love each other very much.
 '''Guy:''' But you barely know each other, I mean, you've never met....
 '''Chris:''' We do, we have been... [fights to be heard] Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. We talk to each other a lot about each other, getting to know each other very well.
 '''Guy:''' Well that's different, I mean there's knowing somebody, and then there's knowing somebody. You know her based on the internet. I mean, she doesn't have to tell you, you know, the facts.
 '''Guy #2:''' Or what she looks like.
 '''Guy:''' You haven't seen her with your own eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, she told me, she did tell me the facts about what she looks like, and she was very honest with me. And I was... [interrupted]
 '''Guy:'''...and on the internet, honesty really doesn't go that far. I mean...
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh]
 '''Guy:''' What if this one turns out, like, the last time, there's no[]where something always ends up as a wedge between you two.
 '''Chris:''' I have faced a lot of obstacles, and I have, uh, overtaken them at my own pace, and uh, if anything pops up between me and Julie I'm willing to overtake them as well.
 '''Guy:''' It's just, I feel sorry for you man, you're always so close and something just makes it stop. I really wish you could find something [garbled].
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh] Well, things have been working well between me and Julie.
 '''Guy #2:''' Well, from my personal experience, um, that always happens with internet relationships, like, long-distance relationships, they never really work out. But I [garbled].
 '''Chris:''' I appreciate that.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you a question?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Julie:''' It's kind of unrelated, I'm sorry, but um, I ordered up a new section on the Luv Shack, what's the story with the PokeBoy and the PokeGirl Magazine?
 '''Chris:''' Um...Yeah, you guys, on the Luv Shack, I created this section, of uh, of the fan art images for guys and images for gals. Yeah, but, you know, fan art [] on the internet, you know, I would put the boys in the gals' section and the girls in the guys' section.
 '''Guy:''' You know, um, sorry. You don't mind drawing the guys?
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm... uh.....Well there's, I'm still, I'm still in a bit of uh, I'm still having feelings, like, about that. I'm not comfortable with, like drawing them,...not drawing the Sonichus in that sense yet....
 '''Guy:''' But you realize, you know you need a male for, you know, hanky-panky, right Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, while I did draw, but I did draw Sonichu previously in that sense, I never would draw an uncensored...dick.
 '''Guys:''' [garbled]
 '''Guy #2:'''Are you willing to accept fan-art submissions for it? Like,[] after that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Well, for the fan-art section, for our gals, are you gonna put, like, all male ones, or are you gonna use [garbled]?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm sorry, could you repeat that? All male ones or all female ones?
 '''Julie:''' Are you only talking about like, the nude ones, or just all, like the one I drew, for instance?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah, I guess I could mix up and do both. I mean, it's not like they have to, would have to be...nude. Uh... Yeah, well, I try to promote straightness.
 '''Guy:''' So you could have it both.
 '''Guy #2:''' I don't think there's a problem. I mean, doesn't he promote straightness?
 '''Chris:''' [in medias res]...section for the gals that has mostly guy images, and the section for the guys would have mostly girl images.
 '''Guy:''' Wait a second, mostly? Yeah, and wait a second, mostly? Mostly?
 '''Chris:''' Well, if you could, uh, I would say mostly, because you know, I, between the two of them, I would like, uh, have, like, you know, if there was a guy and a guy [sic], uh, the Sonichu and the Rosechu doing it, then I would put that between both.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, what are you going to do about guys clicking on the guys section?
 '''Chris:''' Wait, wait, wait. Uh, I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
 '''Guy:''' What about visitors who are guys who click on the guys section? Are you going to do something about that, like, put some sort of, one of your tests?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I think you mean to say guys who click on the gals section.
 '''Guy:''' No!
 '''Guy #2''' He said, guys who click on the guys section.
 '''Guy:''' People do that. [Chris's dialogue cannot be heard] No, I don't mean confusing, I mean people intentionally doing that.
 '''Guy #3:''' No, he's talking about faggots.
 '''Guy:''' Exactly.
 '''Guy #4:''' That is a very hurtful word and I would ask that you not use it.
 '''Guy:''' Gay people then.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you guys, I have never used that word. You'll never hear me use that word.
 '''Guy #3:''' I didn't mean to use that word either, I'm sorry. Everybody's talking for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. But like, you know, I hear it, and it's like you know I can take it with a grain of salt.
 '''Guy #2:''' [] who does click on that section and they're not straight.
 '''Chris:''' So you're asking me, if a homo clicks on the guys' section and then finds out that it's uh, mostly female images.
 '''Guys and Julie:''' [talking over each other trying to correct Chris's misunderstanding]
 '''Chris:''' Eh, well, because I can't have the cat, I am unable to sort, sort that out, uh...
 '''Guy:''' You could put like a test or something, like they have to, I don't know. Never mind.
 '''Guy #2:''' You could put a, "Are you a guy, yes or no?"
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh]
 '''Guy #3:''' I don't think it's that big of a deal.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna stress over it. If they wanna click on the gals, if the guys wanna click on the gals' section, and look at the guys in there, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stress about it.
 '''Guy #2:''' But I thought you were going to promote straightness.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah exactly.
 '''Guy #2:''' Why do you need to promote straightness, when you don't have a []in the first place.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Guy #2:''' I mean, people are usually born, you know, with a certain preference.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I I I, I have heard that. I have heard of that. I have heard of that.
Yeah, if you remember, remember that American Dad episode where Stannis [?] goes to the RNC, but then he's like one of the gay guys.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I've seen that episode, and uh, didn't much particularly care much for that detail in that sense.
 '''Guy #2:''' Yeah, but, in the end, it's almost teaching people that people are born gay, they don't just turn gay.
 '''Chris:''' [stress sigh]
 '''Guy #2:''' Chris, listen to me for a second. What we're trying to do point out is that your dislike for gay people is almost like people disliking you for being autistic. It's uh, you were born autistic, right? It's not something that you can help. When somebody is born gay it's not something they can help. It's outside of their control. So any form of, you know, uh, disregard for them as a person is really, it's really unfair, man.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm...
 '''Guy #3:''' Chris wasn't born autistic. He became autistic when the babysitter put him in the closet. He told us about it before.
 '''Chris:''' No, I was, I was born autistic, but the babysitter who locked me used that room to bring it out.
 '''Guy:''' I can understand that that might have been a traumatic experience that aggravated the condition maybe, but you still have to accept that that condition was inherent in your makeup from the beginning, right? It was an inherent factor.
 '''Guy #2:''' We don't want you to hurt people the way that people have hurt you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but, but, yeah but, also let me point out that I have taken the tests in my lifetime that prove whether I was autistic or not. And they've showed positive for autism. I mean, between taking a test in my young life, and during my teenage years, and in my...
 '''Guy:''' High-functioning labels aren't used anymore.
 '''Guy #2:''' If you only had high-functioning autism, and we [audio garbled]
 '''Guy #3:''' ...it's united like ADHD, it's uh,
 '''Chris:''' ADHD is uh, is different from autism. That's uh...
 '''Guy #3:''' Not really, I mean, I had, uh, problems in school, so I had, you know, developmental difficulty, I had trouble focusing, and I had uh, trouble, you know, getting along with others. [people talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' Stop. I have a question. The, uh, you said it was ADH...C?
 '''Guy #3:''' D!
 '''Chris:''' OK, so I know it's, uh, Attention Deficit and Disorder but [Guys: "Hyperactive."] Oh, hyperactive. OK. I just wanted to know, I just wanted to know what the H stood for.
 [garbled]
 '''Guy #3:''' I also don't like to be defined by my, uh, my, my disability. It's, I don't really see it as a disability because I, it doesn't factor that much into my life, you know. I don't blame myself, I don't blame things on it, I, I just try and improve myself as I go along. You know, like uh, you know, like if I can't pay attention then I'll work harder on paying attention, and eventually I'll get to a point where I can pay attention.
 '''Chris:''' [Chris is distracted by something.] Excuse me.
 '''Guy:''' It's just another hurdle to jump over..
 '''Guy:''' Wait, model's here [?].
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Oh shoot. Hang on, I'll be right back. I'll go ahead and do one thing about it, um,[] my glasses broke. I'll be right back. Hello? [He seems to be talking on the phone. Nothing consequential happens for two minutes]

{{Transcription}}

===Recycling (42:20 - 44:18)===
'''Chris:''' ''[Returning after being away for a while]'' Hmmm.
 '''Guy 1:''' Welcome back.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Guy 2:''' What was that about, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Guy 2:''' What was that all about, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I just had to- My Mom asked me to uh, go take her clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer.
 '''Guy 2:''' [something]
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' Uh, Chris, I have a question, actually.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' I have this friend... I think he- It's a different friend, I think he might be gay.
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Guy 1:''' He uh... After he's done masturbating he drinks his own semen, is that gay?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh, no. I don't think s- I don't think so, because, uh... I've done that, it's called "recycling" it.
 '''Guy 2:''' Guys-
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait, let him answer.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically recycling, it's like uh, he doesn't necessarily have to lost it... Because you know, you think of it waste if you- If you banged it out... And then you uh, and then you put- It's like you flush it down the commode or leave it in the uh, condom and put it in the garbage can.
 '''Guy 2:''' But isn't it burned up by stomach acid?
 '''Guy 3:''' Yeah, it-
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah- Yeah, yeah, yeah, but... STILL. Still, it's good for the new sperm cells. And plus there's also- Plus I've learned on the Internet that there's... There's vitamins in the- In the sperm cells, as well. So like, it's like basically you're helping yourself when you do that.
 '''Guy 1:''' That's interesting. I hear that the-
 '''Chris:''' Although- Although personally I've kind of gotten sick of, uh... Swallowing my own. So like, you know... So, lately I've just been disposing of them.
 '''Julie:''' Umm-
 '''Chris:''' I mean it just depends on your own individual tastes. Uh, yes, Julie?

===First Dibs on the Threesome Act (44:18 - 53:20)===
'''Julie:''' Well I heard somebody say "Hi Chris", it sounded like a female, who was it?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
 '''Emily:''' Oh, that was me... My name's Emily.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Emily.
 '''Emily:''' I really like your comics.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you. ''(Pause)'' Thank you very much.
 '''Emily:''' I don't understand why you're still single, honestly.
 '''Chris:''' Tell me about it.
 '''Julie:''' But, Chris, you're-
 '''Chris:''' Oh right, but I am in love with, uh, Julie... right there, who just spoke just now. But...
 '''Emily:''' Oh, she sounds like she's really pretty.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, take that as a compliment Julie.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Emily:''' Maybe we can have a threesome.
 '''Chris:''' ''(shocked/happy)'' Oh wow!
 '''Julie:''' But-
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, go ahead, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' well, Chris has stated before that he does not want a threesome with two men.
 '''Chris:''' Well I will- Actually, Julie, I gave it some thought. And I am willing to do that for you. If you wanna do it with another- If you wanna do a threesome with uh, two guys... As long as, uh, I'm one of them... Uh, I'm okay with that. I've come to accept it.
 '''Julie:''' Alright, I guess... I'll accept a threesome with two women.
 '''Chris:''' Well- You hear that, Emily? After Julie and I have done it a few times we can invite you.
 '''Emily:''' That'd be really cool! I mean we can go shopping at a sex store beforehand.
 '''Guy 1:''' You said with two guys?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' Isn't that gay?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhmmm...
 '''Guy 2:''' Not if balls aren't touching. They say it's not gay if all balls are not touching.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm-
 '''Guy 2:''' Ball separation is key, guys. Ball separation is key.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh, you hear- You hear that, Julie? That's uh... an official for us in that sense.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, wouldn't you like to be-
 '''Guy 1:''' Well you know what I say- ''(Talking over each other)''
 '''Chris:''' Hang on. Julie, say that again please?
 '''Julie:''' Well, when we do have a threesome with two women, what would you like me and Miss Emily to do?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Takes a deep breath, excited)'' Wow. I guess I'll put it out in the open, because I thought I'd told you before, Julie, but um... You know I-
 '''Julie:''' [something]
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, you know like how, uh, lesbians do like a scissor thing? Uh, yeah-
 '''Guy 2:''' You mean like "tribbing".
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Guy 2:''' You mean tribbing. Yeah, that's the actual term.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... While two girls are tribbing, I put my dick between the two... Just- Between the two pussies. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Emily:''' I think that would be really hot.
 '''Guy 2:''' Seems kind of uncomfortable.
 '''Emily:''' It's actually not, I've done it before.
 '''Guy 2:''' Ooooh!
 '''Sarah May:''' Um, Chris, it's me, it's Sarah May.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I thought you were waiting for me and Julie to have a threesome.
 '''Chris:''' Oh-
 '''Sarah May:''' I thought it was gonna be special.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Well-
 '''Emily:''' There can be four now!
 '''Chris:''' Heh... Or, uh, you know- Or Sarah, since, you know, I asked you first, we'll let you... We'll let you come over before Emily.
 '''Sarah May:''' But... I wanted it to be special, y'know, but...
 '''Chris:''' It- It can be special, Sarah. It can be.
 '''Sarah May:''' Okay... I'm really upset right now, I feel like you don't care about me.
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, I do care about you. I'm sorry I upset you.
 '''Sarah May:''' ...Thank you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' But-
 '''Guy 1:''' So how many men would you do it with?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'd... I think, uh... Yeah I think, uh, two women is my limit. So like, you know... Just have to do it one at a time, but Sarah calls first dibs on the threesome act.
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't really want this to be like a "First come, first served" type of thing, though. I want to know that you actually have feelings for me and Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Well... I do have strong feelings for Julie more, but I have... strong enough feelings for you too, Sarah.
 '''Guy 1:''' Are you into Polygamy?
 '''Chris:''' Sorry, what?
 '''Guy:''' Uh... Polygamy, it's like having more than one partner.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I think you're talking about be married to more than one women. No, no...
 '''Guy 2:''' Hey, so Chris, so we're obviously, uh-
 '''Guy 1:''' I mean Polyamory.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah, Polyamory.
 '''Guy 1:''' Polyamory.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well anyway that- Anyway, that refers to married to more than one women, being ''married''. Not, uh, getting with- Not getting- Not, uh, not having sex, basically.
 '''Guy 3:''' Wait, doesn't this go back to the whole "sex before marriage" part-
 '''Chris:''' Uh, NO-NO-NO-No-No, let's not got into that now, let's not get into that again.
 '''Guy 1:''' I mean like... Having multiple partners. Like, in multiple relationships.
 '''Guy 2:''' Wait, didn't you say that as long as you truly love the person you can have sex before marriage, but do you truly- Are you saying you truly love all these girls that you just met?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Uh. Uhhhhhh... Right.
 '''Guy 4:''' Oh, hey! Hey, Chris.
 '''Guy 1:''' Let him talk.
 '''Chris:''' Uhm... Tryin'... Mm. Hmmm.
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, why are you taking- ''[someone else talks over her]''
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying, I'm thinking!
 '''Sarah May:''' -taking a long time.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I dunno... Mmm.
 '''Sarah May:''' I just wanna know that you love me. Do you?
 '''Chris:''' Sarah May, I love you at least as a friend. And, uh... And I love Julie, as my girlfriend... And, uh, you know, if Julie hadn't, uh, hadn't uh- No, no, I'm sorry, I take that- beginning of that statement back, um... But anyway, um... I do love you very much-
 '''Guy:''' So you love Sarah as a friend?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm saying I love Julie as a friend AND as a girlfriend, but I love Sarah May as a friend. And I would love for her to... take part with me and Julie in a threesome in the future.
 '''Guy 1:''' You'll have sex with your friends, though? That's kinda wrong.
 '''Chris:''' No, that's not- NO NO NO NO NO, that's not necessarily wrong, because if you want the relationship... to uh, go well, you should start off by being friends.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, usually that stuff just leads to like, awkwardness, I mean obviously you're kind of... prone to that, it's not because of you, it just happens because let's face it, you haven't had the best luck here, it's not your fault, you're a great guy, it just happened, but let's face it, you need all the help you can get.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I appreciate your help. I appreciate your help.
 '''Guy 1:''' I personally think that you should just stick to one woman.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but, you know, sometimes, in a... relationship, that's... That's one way the couple can, uh, spice it up, make it more exciting, to re-ignite the spark. You know-
 '''Guy 1:''' So uh, what if you do that and you get both women pregnant?
 '''Guy 2:''' But you, I thought you-
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait, let him talk.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Uh...
 '''Guy 1:''' Because that's happened before, I-
 '''Chris:''' I would- I would be- I would wear a condom.
 '''Guy 1:''' What if it breaks?
 '''Julie:''' [something]
 '''Chris:''' ''(Mildly shocked)'' Did you just say that this turns you on, Julie?
 '''Julie:''' No, condoms kinda turn me off.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Guy 3:''' Also, Chris, both of my younger cousins were both born, not only from condoms but [something] I think you'll have to take that into consideration, it-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Hey- Well, still- Better off at least... the- At least having the protection.
 '''Guy 1:''' I know but I'm just saying like, you wanna have a baby be born like-
 '''Chris:''' And plus- And plus, if the first one breaks, I can always change- I can always switch it for another one.
 '''Guy 1:''' I'm just saying, threesomes are risky, I mean what if you... I mean, you don't wanna have two children born from different mothers. ''(Awkward pause)'' Okay, uh-
 '''Guy 2:''' Also, how would you-
 '''Guy 1:''' Ah, we're over this, already, I'm talking about something else.
 '''Guy 2:''' Alright, sorry buddy.

===Stress (53:20 - 1:03:22)===
'''Chris:''' Well anyway, I- Well anyway, final point, uh... Sarah, you called for- Sarah, I will let you, uh, be the first to, uh, join me and Julie in a threesome.
 '''Sarah May:''' I appreciate that, but I... I just, you know I don't wanna be like, the first of MANY, I want it to be special. I kind of accept, but... Your [something]
 '''Chris:''' Uh, Sarah?
 '''Sarah May:''' -it's perfectly okay to have sex with her.
 '''Chris:''' Um... Yeah, you're right. I apologize. Sarah, it can be very special, and I am willing to make it as special as possible when it happens. ''(Long pause)'' Hang on a second, I got something else that I'm doing here. Mmm. ''(Typing)''
 '''Guy:''' Well, what I've noticed is there's like different- Seems like Chris has an old case of Friends With Benefits.
 '''Chris:''' A- Wait, what?
 '''Guy:''' Friends With Benefits, it's like, you have your girlfriend, and um, Friends With Benefits is like you're friends with somebody but you can still have sex with them. I used to do that back in my earlier twenties, but... I wouldn't really reccoment it because it really gets complicated.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah that's what I was talking about earlier you guys, it starts out as Fuck Buddies, and a-
 '''Chris:''' ''(Loud Stress Sigh)''
 '''Guy 2:''' -high percentage only leads to things getting awkward and kinda tangled up, it just-
 '''Chris:''' I hear you, I need to take my- This is just a lot for me- For my mind to take in right now.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, sorry, um... Also, I'm a cartoonist. I read your webcomic, it's pretty good and stuff.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Guy:''' Uh- ''[Audio messed up for 20 seconds]'' -I was wondering like, how long does it take for you to draw a page? I can crank out a page, three to four pages per day.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. ''(Stressed)'' Well it depends on how I'm feeling and what my mood is. I mean, I- It's like I could probably do like, about, your amount, or better possibly, I'm not saying totally, or fully with confidence, but uh... But you know, it just- it depends on how I'm feeling. It's like you know, when some- I have lot of things that get me down. And... And get me emotionally down. And uh, I have things that get me emotionally up and, feeling like a yo-yo, it just uh... gives me a dizzy feeling, it's like... I don't know. Just makes me feel uncomfortable and it's like, uh... Doesn't really get me into drawing that much there.
 '''Guy:''' Uh... But see, the thing is, I've heard about your personal life and stuff. I heard that you're um, unemployed...
 ''[Audio is messed from 56:57 - 1:00:57. Eventually this one guy's voice can be heard. Apparently they're debating the pronunciation of "CWC".]
 '''Cwuck Guy:''' Actually, without vowels it's more of a "cwuck". ''[Chris talks]'' "Cwuh-UH-Ck." ''[Chris talks]'' No, no, Chris. A "C" makes a "Cuh" sound, and the "W" makes a "Wuh" sound, so it's "Cwuck". ''[somebody else says something]'' I didn't say "Quack", I said "Cwuck." I'm just trying to pronounce the three consonants. ''[somebody says something]'' I haven't pronounced it any different, I'm saying "Cwuck". "Cuh-Wuh-Ck." ''[Chris and others talk for a few seconds]'' You know what, you know what Chris it might actually be a good idea to put an explanation into the comics for people who aren't in this chat.
 ''[Audio finally returns to normal at 1:03:22]''
 '''Chris:''' -four eyes.

===Impressions (1:03:22 - 1:09:27)===
''[Various people talk over each other, apparently they were talking about [[Punchy Sonichu]]]''
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, excuse me, I misunderstood that. Well anyway, it's just a characteristic about Punchy.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, I'm sure ''[something about China, the country]''
 '''Guy:''' I'm just easily offended by things I see, and uh... You know, stereotypical- Like, last night we were reading it and some of us- Who was doing the voice of Punchy? I think it might be nice to have Chris listen. ''[Says whatever the dude's name is]'', was that you?
 '''Voice Actor:''' Yeah, I was doing it.
 '''Guy:''' Hey, could you show Chris your Punchy voice?
 '''Voice Actor:''' Okay, give me a line for Punchy to say.
 '''Chris:''' Umm...
 '''Guy 2:''' "If I see that pickle one more tiiime!"
 '''Guy 3:''' "Wax on, wax off."
 '''Voice Actor:''' ''(Punchy voice)'' "Wax on, wax off."
 '''Chris:''' That's it?
 '''Voice Actor:''' ''(Punchy voice)'' "[Something] and all my Sonichu Friends!"
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Guy:''' That's bad, that's racist, man.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Guy 1:''' In the comic it says he's a martial artist, like...
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, for the record, that's not what Punchy would sound like. But, you know, for a reference, Punchy would definitely sound more like... The guy who actually did the voice of Knuckles in the animation.
 '''Guy 1:''' Oh, okay...
 '''Guy 2:''' So he's basically just Knuckles.
 '''Guy 3:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' No- No no no no, not bas- He's not basically Knuckles, I'm just saying that his voice would SOUND like knuckles.
''[Everybody talks over each other]''
 '''Guy 2:''' Well, he's got the same eyes as Knuckles, he's got the... like, the knuckle-duster things. And, y'know, he's being voiced by the same person as Knuckles-
 '''Chris:''' NO, not necessarily the same PERSON. Not necessarily the same person, but... Sounding similar. But not exactly-
 '''Guy:''' So essentially somebody doing the Knuckles voice. Some guy, who isn't the voice actor for Knuckles, doing the exact same voice for Punchy.
 '''Guy 2:''' ''[says something about someone named YouTubeLover]''
 '''Guy:''' YouTubeLover asked, what was Rosechu's favorite food?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm... Italian.
 '''Awesome Guy:''' Pickles.
 '''Chris:''' NO. Kick that guy out.
 '''Meatwad:''' Who do I kick? I did not see who it was who spoke.
 '''Guy 2:''' Oh, it would appear we have the voice of Meatwad here.
 '''Guy 3:''' No, you do not.
 '''Guy 1:''' Okay...
 '''Chris:''' That's funny. Just sounded like Meatwad there.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah, sorry. ''[says something about doing voices]''.
 '''Chris:''' I- I can do- I can do it a little bit better. Listen-
 '''Meatwad:''' "Go out and zap it to the extreme!!"
 '''Chris:''' ''[Does Meatwad impression. I have no idea what he says.]''
 '''Guy:''' Um, I'd say his was better, Chris.
 '''Meatwad:''' Yeah! ''[Says something else, his impression is as hard to understand as Chris's]''
 '''Guy 2:''' I think Chris's is better.
 '''Guy 3:''' Nah, I like his.
 '''Voice Actor:''' I can do a pretty good Carl.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, come on, let's go.
 '''Voice Actor:''' ''[Does awesome Carl impression]'' "Hey, come back ovah here! You haven't even messed up my house yet!" ''[says something else as Carl but people laugh over it]''
 '''Guy:''' Hey, has anybody seen Metalocalypse?
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah, I have.
 ''[Several people do impressions of Metalocalypse characters and talk over each other]''
 '''Guy 1:''' Guys, guys, shut up. Let Chris do it.
 '''Chris:''' You want me to do Carl?
 '''Guy 1:''' Sorry, I had to mute everybody to give you a chance to talk.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, so you want me to do Carl. Just for the record, you want me to do Carl.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, let me see, um... ''(Does his "Carl impression")'' "Gonna get it on tonight! We're gonna have ourselves a big ol' piece a meat there! Hey, Cup. Your- Your ass is cashing me. You're cashing a check. You're writing up a check that your cash- That your ass can't cash."
 '''Guy:''' Heh heh heh. That was pretty good!
 '''Emily:''' That was really good.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Still as "Carl")'' "We gonna get it on tonight! Getting it on tonight!"
 '''Guy:''' It's like I'm watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
 '''Guy 2:''' Chris, can you do any of the voices from Metalocalypse?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Uh...
 ''[Someone does an impression of Nathan Explosion. Hard to tell if it's Chris or not.]''
 '''Guy:''' Uh, I think that was pretty lame, I know what the voice sounds like, and no. That's just not it.
 '''Guy 2:''' Chris, can you do Dr. Rockzo?
 '''Guy 3:''' Yeah, can you do Dr. Rockzo?
 '''Chris:''' "I AM DR. ROCKZO, THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN! I DO COCAINE!!!"
 '''Dr. Rockzo:''' Y-y-y-y-YEAH!
 '''Guy:''' Nice.
 '''Dr. Rockzo:''' Yeaaah!!

===Comics and Toys (1:09:27 - 1:17:43)===
'''Guy:''' So, um, Chris. I'd like to have a friendly challenge with you. Seeing as how we're both artists and we're pretty much, um... We're pretty much both, um... artists. I'd like to- You know how you say you do a page a day?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhh, yeah?
 '''Guy:''' Alright, well, I'd like to do a week challenge. Starting on Monday, you know-
 '''Chris:''' Monday next week.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah, starting Monday next week, we will each challege to draw one page of whatever comic you wish, like you can do Sonichu, and we have to do something entirely new per week, from Monday until that Sunday, so it'll be seven days, seven page comic per day. I was wondering if you wanna do that challenge with me?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, that sounds... That sounds cool.
 '''Guy:''' Okay. Also, um... Let me re-post something. I did a portrait of my girlfriend, if you wanna see. Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll take a look. I mean, uh... I would relate.
 '''Guy:''' Alright, it should be to your left.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I see it. Let me just copy and paste that.
 '''Guy:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' To my web browser.
 '''Guy:''' I'm going to draw a small seven-page comic featuring Mr. Skittles. Also, to be fair, it doesn't have to be colored, it can be black and white, if you wish, because it just some people take their time with their work, but... It's just seven pages of new material a week.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Hey, that's a good drawing, by the way, of your girlfriend.
 '''Guy:''' Thank you. Took me about five hours to work on.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Hey, is she actually blowing through a bubble wand, 'cause it's kinda hard to see the handle.
 '''Guy:''' Oh yeah, she's blowing through a bubble wand, she loves to blow bubbles.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, that's sweet. Hey Julie, you should take a look at this.
 '''Julie:''' Hmm? Oh, that's pretty good.
 '''Guy:''' Chris, next time you come to Mumble, I'll try and show you a sketch of Mr. Skittles next time.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. You know you could upload your images onto this image hosting site I know, hang on I got it bookmarked, um...
 '''Guy:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Oh yeah, DeviantArt.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you can upload there.
 '''Laugher:''' Ha ha ha ha ha.
 '''Guy 2:''' ...That was a great laugh, can you do that again? ''(Pause)'' Yeah, I thought not.
 '''Guy:''' Hey, Chris, what do you think about more contemporary- Well, not exactly comtemporary, but uh, some of the more famous graphic novels from The West, we're talking stuff by Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman, like uh, you heard of any of that?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I never heard of those.
 '''Guy:''' The Watchmen? You know, the most celebrated graphic novel of all time...
 '''Chris:''' I- Hey. I have heard of Watchmen. As a matter of fact, I know of the uh... They got season 1 of the uh, the web- Of the uh, animated comic of that on the PlayStation Network. So I have heard of Watchmen. I thought- I wasn't sure- Is there actually a character who looks like Batman in that series?
 '''Guy:''' Uh, you're thinking of Nite Owl, and um... The whole thing is that Watchmen is supposed to be a spoof of the Golden Age comics, and Nite Owl is supposed to be a spoof of the techno genius archetype of superhero who uses his wealth and technology.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, so he is like Batman, and such.
 '''Guy 1:''' It's like a [[parody]].
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah. My personal favorite's always been Rorschach.
 '''Chris:''' I don't know, I haven't seen Watchmen yet.
 '''Guy:''' Well, it was originally a graphic novel.
 '''Chris:''' Well, seen, or uh... have it, yet.
 '''Guy:''' And I doubt the movie's going to be very good, they usually screw up the movies, and seeing as how the guy who directed 300 is doing it, I think it's just gonna be a overdone pile of garbage.
 '''Guy 2:''' Alright sorry, I had to let my dog out, he was scratching in the dark. Um, the thing is that Zack Snyder he's good at certain types of movies, and I'm not sure that Watchmen is really his-
 '''Chris:''' Well. I'm not saying that I'm necessarily gonna be watching the movie... But, you know, because I hear good talk, I may consider downloading a... episode or two of the Watchmen animated comic. On the PlayStation Network.
 ''[something about how it's not animated and it's going to be on DVD soon]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Guy:''' Hey Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy:''' I actually wanted to ask you a question, uh... Since we're talking about comic books and graphic novels and everything, do you read any comic books, do you have a favorite comic book at all?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Sonic the Hedgehog series. From Archie Comics, I have the premiere issue zero, that where I based the uh, [[Sonichu 0|number zero comic book]], based on the number there.
 '''Guy 2:''' Oh my god, me too, I have issue number zero too!
 '''Guy:''' Actually, Chris, I have another question from, um, a fan. How often do you eat at McDonald's? Uh, when do you go there?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, not very often, I'd say like, uh... You know, two or three times a week.
 '''Guy:''' Any specific times?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, not specifically, it just depends on how I feel.
 '''Guy:''' Right.
 '''Guy 1:''' What about the Happy Meal, do you still get those?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... No. I used to, but I don't nowadays.
 '''Guy:''' What about the toys, I mean you can still buy the toys separately from the Happy Meals.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... But I don't need necessarily now to collect the toys... But it's not like I, uh- It's been a long time since I actually bought a toy by itself from McDonald's or Burger King. ''(Pause)'' Yeah, so like I said, that's uh... I haven't done that in a long time.
 '''Guy 1:''' Oh... Are most of the toys in your room from past... like, you collected?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yeah, most of which.
 '''Guy 1:''' So you don't buy toys, like, recently?
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean I buy like- I bought, like... Transformer toys, recently.
 '''Guy:''' I have another question from a fan, uh... YouTubeLover was saying, you have so many toys, so when do you play with them? Or, do you play with them?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I play with them sometimes. You know just to at least, change them from robot, to vehicle, to robot and back, and back. Hm... It's kinda like, uh, one way to, uh, put my mind off something else, or relieve stress events, it just- ''(Suddenly getting defensive about it)'' I don't care- I don't care, it's like, you know, people are young at heart, and I consider myself young at heart, ''so there''.
 '''Guy:''' Oh, well that's okay, I mean I built my Gundamn models and stuff, so it's cool, man.
 '''Guy 2:''' Which grade do you build?
 '''Guy:''' What?
 '''Guy 2:''' Which grade do you build?
 '''Guy:''' Oh, I have all the grades, I have like everything.
 '''Guy 2:''' I only do like... first grade-
 '''Guy:''' Anyway, let Chris talk.
 '''Chris:''' No that's okay, you all continue, 'cause I don't have anything to contribute to the conversation.
 '''Guy:''' Well Chris, we want to hear stuff straight from you.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I... don't particularly have any Gundam models myself. So, I wouldn't- So, I can't really say. Myself.
 '''Guy:''' But still, you do have toys, right, I'm just saying that's cool.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, it's alright, I don't mind other conversations besides from ones around me. I mean let's all talk-
 '''Guy:''' Yeah but you're here and essentially... You don't really come here much.

===Duck Tales (1:17:43 - 1:28:30)===
'''Emily:''' Hey, Chris, I have another question for you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Emily:''' Would you ever get your... duck pierced, if your sweetheart thought it would be really hot and it would improve your sex life?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... I'm sorry could you repeat that question again, my "duck pier"?
 '''Emily:''' Your duck pierced, you know, your...
 '''Chris:''' Ohh! Oh, right, oh. I would never have- I do not have a piercing-
 '''Guy:''' Prince Albert.
 '''Emily:''' No but would you do it, because, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Emily:''' It can increase the pleasure.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh... Even that considering, I still would not get any piercings.
 '''Guy 1:''' Yo, what's a "duck"?
 '''Chris:''' It's an- It's a- It stand- It's like, replacing the "I" with a "U" in the word "dick".
 '''Guy 2:''' So it's a euphemism. ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' It's just another word I made up, another word for dick, but without saying "dick". It's-
 '''Guy 2:''' Do you know what a euphemism is?
 '''Guy 3:''' Okay, it's called a euphemism.
 '''Chris:''' "Euphemism"...
 '''Guy:''' It's basically another word for saying a nicer word for something that-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy 1:''' I understand, I understand.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy:''' And you spell it Y-O-O-P-H-I-M-E-S-M.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah- Uh, excuse me, I'll be right back.
 ''[Silence for a few seconds]''
 '''Guy 1:''' Seriously guys, we-
 '''Chris:''' ''(In the background)'' Kittyyyyy... ''(More silence)'' No kitty! Outta the kitchen. Shoo! Shoo-shoo! ''(More silence for a while, some rustling and breathing heard)''
 '''Guy 1:''' Are you okay?
 ''[More silence]''
 '''Guy 2:''' Hey Chris, I have a question here from a fan.
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait for him to get back first.
 '''Guy 2:''' Oh, I thought he was back.
 '''Guy 1:''' He's feeding the kitty.
 '''Guy 2:''' I like cats, they're very cute.
 ''[Some more talking about cats]''
 '''Guy 1:''' Okay, quiet.
 ''[Sound of water running or something, more rustling. A long period of silence. More water running. Chris can be heard talking to the cats a few times.]''
 '''Julie:''' Chris? Hello? ''(Chris sighs in the background)'' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, I'll just put my headphones back on. Yeah, I'm back.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you something?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' Um...
 '''Chris:''' It's okay, what is it?
 '''Julie:''' It's about... You know, uh...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, is it sexual?
 '''Julie:''' Kind of.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay.
 '''Julie:''' It's about... Down there.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Julie:''' It's about down there, your... duck?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it, what is it?
 '''Julie:''' Is it really... Naturally bent, I- I know it ''[something]''
 '''Chris:''' Is it actually what?
 '''Julie:''' Tell me about why your duck is bent, please.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, bent. Yeah. I- I did- It's... It's- It's natural, it's natural, toward- Toward the end, it has a downward bend. It's downward. Uh, it-
 '''Julie:''' Chris, I'm a doctor. I've never heard in my life anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' You're a doctor?
 '''Julie:''' I want to be one and I'm studying up on it, remember?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Hmm... Actually I don't remember you telling me that, so that's news to me.
 '''Julie:''' It was like one of the first things I sent you. How do you not remember?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Julie, I forgot that one, but yeah- That's right, yeah, you did tell me about that. Sorry about that. Well anyway, you are studying to be a doctor.
 '''Julie:''' Yes, and never in my life have I heard that it... Chris, was it- Was it a penis pump? It's okay if it was, I just want you to tell me the truth.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Well, actually, um... Well, I don't- Okay, I don't know why it's bent downward, I just assumed it was natural.
 '''Julie:''' You must have done something, come on.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Maybe because I've been wearing briefs- I've been wearing briefs all my life, and that could've, uh, forced it to be bent downward when it gets... stiff.
 '''Julie:''' But, Chris-
 '''Chris:''' I dunno! I don't but- I don't know-
 '''Julie:''' Chris, have you ever used a penis pump?
 '''Chris:''' A- a- a pump?
 '''Julie:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yes, I have. ''(Pause)'' Well, but- but my- My penis was already bent downward BEFORE I used the pump. It was already bent downward.
 '''Julie:''' What about the Viagra?
 '''Chris:''' I never took Viagra.
 '''Julie:''' You told me you did, didn't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I took- For the record, I did not take Viagra, I took Extenze.
 '''Julie:''' Oh right, right.
 '''Chris:''' And my- My... dick was bent downward before I took that as well.
 '''Julie:''' Oh. Can I ask you a question about that?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, sure.
 '''Julie:''' Did you take Extenze and use a penis pump so you could try and impress women, maybe?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, did you say if I could- Are you asking me if I could do that?
 '''Julie:''' No, why did you use the pump and the Extenze?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, I did not do it the same time, for your- for your information.
 '''Julie:''' I know but why would you use them at all?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I felt like my dick could be longer.
 '''Julie:''' ''(Pause)'' Oh, alright. I'm just asking, I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah, those don't actually work, they can actually cause damage to your penis.
 '''Chris:''' What, the pump?
 '''Guy 1:''' Yes.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yes, and also most women do not care about like...
 '''Guy 1:''' Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' Well, for the record, mine does grow up to a maxium of seven inches.
 ''[People talking over each other, somebody asks about measuring]''
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Well-
 '''Guy:''' You could use a tape measure.
 '''Chris:''' I used a- I used a ruler. You know I-
 '''Guy:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I based it against the uh, bent part. Make it straight. So, it does go a maxium of seven inches in length.
 '''Guy:''' Yeah my dad was a doctor, he always told me to stay away from those things.
 '''Chris:''' Well anyway, you know, that measurement was- That measurement was made AFTER the, uh... Extenze. ''(Pause)'' You know, before and after- Before it was like five to six inches.

===Dating Education (1:28:30- 1:38:48)===
'''Guy 1:''' Okay, um... ''(Awkward silence)''
 '''Guy 2:''' Hey Chris, I was wondering, where did you get the idea for [[Dating Education]]?
 '''Chris:''' The idea for Dating Education... Okay, basically in High School we have ''Sexual'' Education, and it's like, well it's fine for... when you get that far in the dating situation, but how to we get to the first date, period. That's the idea-
 '''Guy 3:''' Uh, excuse me Chris, but I think the whole point of Sex Ed is more out of, um... cautioninary, you know, telling the kids to take caution and-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Guy 3:''' -it's not exactly an instructor, it's more or less just telling them-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I- I understand that. And, uh... I understand that, I took a Sex Ed class when I was in High School, so I unders- I do have [[Chris and sex|a great understanding]] of that. I'm just saying, how do we... get to the first date, period, that's why, Dating Education, I feel is required. It's-
 '''Guy 1:''' Well most people- The thing is, most people can handle their own pre-date blindness, I think it's just your Autism kind of prevents you from-
 '''Guy 2:''' Plus, you-
 '''Guy 1:''' Hold on, let me talk.
 '''Chris:''' Look, let me just, look, well one thing. ''This guy'' is blaming my Autism.
 '''Guy 1:''' No, no, no, look, I'm studying psychology, I know this stuff. Um, it makes it hard for you to interpret social cues, so...
 '''Chris:''' Yes, exactly, Dating Education is for people like that. Could be for people like that to-
 '''Guy 1:''' You could actually go to therapy, and they can teach you this stuff.
 '''Chris:''' Well, they should teach it- They should teach it like in uh... In the High Schools-
 '''Guy 2:''' That seems kinda like it would be a waste of school funds.
 '''Chris:''' No, not necessarily!
 '''Guy 1:''' I'm just saying for normal- Normally for people, dating comes easily for them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well there are- There's-
 '''Guy 1:''' Wait, wait, don't talk over him.
 '''Chris:''' There are a lot of people who still are very shy to even approach... women, and there are even shy people who are afraid to approach men. I-
 '''Guy 2:''' Well, I think that has to do more with personal shyness, I mean you have to get over that eventually. That is very-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but still, Dating Education classes will- Will allow... Would teach, uh... The uh, shy people, uh... Good things to say and do.
 '''Guy 1:''' Well, they already have Psycho Therapy.
 '''Chris:''' And also-
 '''Guy 1:''' Psycho Therapy.
 '''Chris:''' It has nothing to do with therapy. It's like... You teach them to-
 '''Guy 3:''' How isn't it like therapy?
 '''Chris:''' You teach- Therapy is like, only one person, in one room, you-
 '''Guy 1:''' No, they have group therapy too.
 '''Guy 2:''' Yeah, I took group therapy for my depression, and it helped me.
 '''Guy 1:''' I have something called Social Anxiety Disorder, I was really shy, I couldn't talk to anyone, so I went to group therapy, and I learned all about dates and stuff.
 '''Guy 3:''' Hold up, uh, Chris- I don't know if you're reading the left or not, but YouTubeLover is actually saying that shy people aren't retarded, ''[something]'' YouTubeLover is saying.
 '''Chris:''' Ummm... For the record, I'm not- I'm not [[slow in the mind]]. And also, The R-Word is offensive to me.
 '''Guy 3:''' I'm sorry, that's just what YouTubeLover said.
 '''Guy 1:''' "The R-Word"?
 '''Chris:''' "Retarded".
 '''Guy 1:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' It questions the mental capabilities.
 '''Guy 1:''' Chris, this is not what I'm talking about at all, you're just taking what I'm saying and trying to completely derail it.
 '''Guy 2:''' I know what you're talking about.
 '''Guy 3:''' Maybe you need a class on how to get friends.
 '''Guy 1:''' See, what I'm saying is this is all, um... Making friends and stuff, this is all... It's not really stuff you can teach, it's just...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but... Dating Education class would teach you, like, would recommend... suggest things you could say and do.
 '''Guy 2:''' But it isn't really a proven method, Chris.
 '''Guy 3:''' Chris, let me- Here's the situation, you remember when you were in the PokeLeague?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah.
 '''Guy 3:''' Yes. Did you have friends there? I mean, that's what friends are, friends are people that you can relate to, they are... people that share-
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had acquaintances- I had... friends AND acquaintances.
 '''Guy 3:''' Well, it- I mean, you like to put things into categories and, y'know, you'd consider people that have a similar interest in things with you as friends, because you know, you talk to them about things, and you share ideas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Guy 3:''' I mean, we're all just trying to help you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Guy 1:''' What I'm trying to say is, dating basically comes down to social skills. You can't teach social skills as something that- You can get therapy for it, I mean it's not really something you can teach.
 '''Chris:''' It can be taught though.
 '''Guy 2:''' No it can't.
 '''Guy 4:''' There are like, dating coaches, Chris, have you ever thought of seeing a dating coach or someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' I-
 '''Guy:''' Those are baloney.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Sounds like baloney.
 '''Guy 3:''' ..You know, you kind of-
 '''Guy 1:''' Well anyway, what I was saying, is... forget it now.
 '''Guy 3:''' Well, as I was saying, you... You don't really learn, you kind of, you know... Get to know somebody, um... It usually starts on how they... It usually starts with similar interests-
 '''Chris:''' Alright, hang on, hang on. Stop for a moment. Hey. YouTubeLover, I've played video games, my mind gets- I have developed quick-minded skills from that, so therefore... I can make- I can make decisions on the fly like THAT. ''(Pause)'' Yeah but still, that still proves that I'm not slow. 'Cause I can make decisions-
 ''[Audio is messed up for a while, Chris is still talking about how he's not slow and has many friends]''
 '''Guy:''' It sounds like you're getting "acquaintances" and "friends" messed up, the people at Church are acquaintances, and kind of have to be with you, friends are the people that would ask, after Church, "Hey, let's go get something to eat" or "Hey, did you hear about this movie coming out?" and then you go see a movie with them.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I'm getting tired of answering questions right now, but.. ''[Audio still messed up. Chris and the others keep talking back and forth for a while. Sarah May returns and they start talking, eventually the audio goes back to normal]''

===Chris shatters Sarah May's heart (1:38:48 - 1:56:55)===
'''Chris:''' Sarah, you are my friend.
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't know, because it doesn't always feel like that, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm... I get- I get under stress sometimes, it's hard for me to... think... about every single detail.
 '''Sarah May:''' I sensing that, like, you just wanna use me for sex, you-
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want- I- I am your friend, and I wish to... Sarah, you are my friend. And I love you as such. Okay?
 '''Sarah May:''' I guess, I... kind of feel like crying...
 '''Chris:''' No you don't have- Don't cry. Don't cry. I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm just a little upset that ''[something]'' then we'd have a threesome and like-
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Oh, oh, oh, that. Yeah. Hmmm... Yeah. I'm sorry about that. It- Uh... My mind was- was in one- was... Uh... Had my mind in another location, and uh, just... didn't want me to think, past... clearly. I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' You mean like, in a sexual place, you know, like thinking about that?
 '''Julie:''' Actually, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No I- No no no, not in a sexual place, no.
 '''Sarah May:''' Okay...
 '''Chris:''' I was like, uh... Hm, uh... some- yeah. Hm. Anyway, I'm sorry, Sarah.
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Julie?
 '''Julie:''' Because of my, uh, recent religious studies, I don't really think... Chris, I don't really want you to have sex with another woman.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I'd be having the sex with you FIRST.
 '''Julie:''' No, that's... That's not what I mean, it's more the... I don't want you to have sex with another woman.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' Well that's like, you're- you're- you're, uh... Now you're saying it's like, uh... Another-
 '''Julie:''' And I'm not gonna have sex with other men either, so...
 '''Chris:''' But, you know, Julie I was-
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' The Bible states that sex should only be after marriage and with one person, your soulmate.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well... Yes. Julie. But, you know, from what I was taught in my Methodist Church, sex before marriage IS okay. As long as we love each other. Very much, Julie. And I love you.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, I do truly love you, but... It's love, and it's something you should just share with me, you know.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that's right, I will be shining for you first, for a whole bunch- For a whole bunch of number of times, and than if we want- and then if we- Then- If and when we feel ready, with Sarah, who is our, uh... Who is our friend.
 '''Julie:''' It's God's will that you went to a Methodist Church. Which is the same is mine.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, I thought you said that you didn't go to Church.
 '''Julie:''' No I mean, I went to a Methodist Church and it's the same as yours- No, I mean- What I'm trying to say is, what I'm TRYING to say is that I don't want you having sex with other women. I'm just trying- Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie. I understand. And I'll respect your wishes. I will keep myself- I will save myself sexually for you.
 '''Julie:''' I'm sorry, I'm just nervous.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay. It's okay, I understand. ''(Pause)'' I'm hugging you, Julie. Do you feel that?
 '''Julie:''' Yes. You promise me you won't have sex with other women?
 '''Chris:''' Un- Unless I had your consent, I promise I will not have sex with other women.
 '''Sarah May:''' But... But, Chris, you promised.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, I promised, uh... You'd be the first- You would be in- You would be- You would be in our threesome, and uh...
 '''Sarah May:''' But... But Julie just said she didn't want you to... You know...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she didn't want me to have... sex with other women, uh... Julie, uh, you wanna answer this question? Because I'm not sure I'm able to, myself.
 '''Julie:''' Yes, I will answer it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' So what's the question?
 '''Sarah May:''' Um, I was just wondering because... Chris promised me before that he would have a threesome with me, and now you don't him to, and... I'm really upset right now, is all.
 '''Julie:''' Well yes, but you must understand where I'm coming from, I mean, I'm sure if you had a husband, you actually wouldn't want him having sex with other men.
 '''Sarah May:''' Well, I- I understand, because I'd want to keep my man to myself to, but it's just... He promised, I don't know what kind of person goes back on their promises.
 '''Julie:''' I'm sorry, Sarah May, but this is my decision.
 '''Sarah May:''' I understand, but... I just feel really... The promise you made to me was just really special and sacred, you know? I just want to know that we're good friends, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I meant the promise as sacred between me and Sarah May, as friends, and such. And, uh, Julie, just to let you know, I would be- I would be okay- You would have my consent if you wanted to, uh, have sex with the other man, that's why I had given- That's why I gave it consideration, and uh... Feel that I'd be cool. With uh, you having, uh... With you and me having a with- With another- With the guy, with the second guy in there.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' The Bible is the Word of God. Not your Church. I love you. I love you with my heart, Chris, but please...
 '''Chris:''' I understand, Julie. I understand. And I respect... you for that.
 '''Sarah May:''' I think it's okay in the Bible if it's sex with someone you truly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. You're right- You are correct, Sarah. It is. Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' It's the WORD OF GOD. Not your Church.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but the Church enforces, uh... The rules in the Bible. A guidelines for like, how we should... live our lives. Recommendations.
 '''Julie:''' It's God's Will. And I think that it would be against God's Will if we decide to do it with another man or woman.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm. I understand, yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Now please, Chris. Promise me that you won't have sex with another woman that's not me.
 '''Chris:''' Julie, I promise, I will not have sex with another woman that's other than you.
 '''Sarah May:''' But you promised me first! Doesn't that matter to you?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yes, Sarah, it does matter to me. And I'm sorry. I just-
 '''Sarah May:''' But-
 '''Chris:''' I didn't realize that Julie would feel this way. I wish you-
 '''Sarah May:''' Well-
 '''Julie:''' I'm sorry, Sarah May.
 '''Sarah May:''' Doesn't it matter the way I feel?
 '''Chris:''' It does matter, Sarah. I feel for you. I truly do.
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't think you do, Chris! I doesn't feel like you do.
 '''Chris:''' I do, cuz it- 'Cause right now, it might feel like, uh... You're being... You're being set- It might feel like you're possibly being set out- Set aside, like an outsider, but-
 '''Sarah May:''' It feels like that because that's what is happening, I mean there's no other word for it.
 '''Julie:''' Wait a minute, Chris. Chris, when you talk about how you promised her first... Who else have you promised sex to?
 '''Chris:''' Ohhhhh... Uhhhh....
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, a promise is a sacred thing, and I just don't understand why you would promise me and then break it, and then promise Julie, how does she know it's true?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Julie:''' Because he truly loves me.
 '''Sarah May:''' But I thought you loved me!
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Alright, I-
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, you- You can't have it both ways, you know. I don't understand why you-
 '''Chris:''' Sarah. Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' Yes?
 '''Chris:''' Don't be upset. I'm sorry, I made the uh, promise... with a- with an assumption that I was uncertain of on, uh, Julie's behalf. And Sarah, I love you and care about and respect you as a friend. And I'm sorry I made a promise I could not keep.
 '''Sarah May:''' But, I don't know if I can trust you now. I mean, I was gonna go to Virginia and everything, and now it's... Now I don't think I should.
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, you are welcome to come and visit. But as I just have promised Julie... No sex. But we can still hang out together. Is that okay, Julie?
 '''Julie:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Just hanging out. Me and Sarah May.
 '''Julie:''' Well that's alright. But if I catch word, Chris, that you did commit adultery with Sarah May I will be very upset.
 '''Chris:''' I swear, I will not, uh... have sex with Sarah May. Sarah, you-
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)'' It's not fair, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' It's not fair, why would you do this to me??
 '''Chris:''' I didn't know back then!! I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' I... I feel so broken right now.
 '''Chris:''' I feel s- I feel sad about it too. That I- That, uh... I can't keep the promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. ''(Pause)'' I feel for you, I truly do, Sarah. As a friend, I feel for you.
 '''Sarah May:''' How could you feel for me, 'cause... This is never happened to you, no one's ever broken your heart like this.
 '''Chris:''' My heart HAS been broken before. ''(Sigh)'' Between Mary Lee Walsh, uh... Tellin' me not to search for my sw- Search for sweetheart the way I did back then. And then also that one time... That I actually drew in the- drew as a Sub-Episode. Hanna. She was just pulling my leg back then.
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris, what are you talking about?!
 '''Chris:''' I'm just giving you a couple of examples of when my heart WAS actually broken.
 '''Sarah May:''' But- But why? We're talking about me right now, I thought.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, we are talking about you right now. ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' I don't think you care about me anymore...
 '''Chris:''' I- I DO care about you, Sarah May. I care about you very much, as a friend. Okay?
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' I have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you, that anyone who looks at a woman to lust for her, has committed adultery in his heart." Do you understand what I'm saying?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yes, Julie. And you know, Julie, I'll tell- I'll tell you something. Uh... I'm not, I uh, I'm not uh... I'm still holding on to my- to the, uh... feelings that I was feeling when I was talking to you, Sarah, but, you know, just, uh... I'm holding on that, but I'm talking to Julie right now. And Julie, I wanna say, I'm proud of you for, uh, taking such an interest in the Methodist Church.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm religious too, I just... Am I wrong?
 '''Chris:''' No, you-
 '''Sarah May:''' Am I wrong about what I believe?
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah. You are not wrong. You are right. You are right in what you believe, yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' But how can both me and Julie be right?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' Because, to... each of you, from your own point of view, what you see is right.
 '''Sarah May:''' But Chris, why are you listening to what Julie says about religion? Why aren't you listening to me?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, uh... I- I will listen to you, Sarah, umm... If you have anything you'd like to say, I'm... open and I will listen to your impressions and assumptions. ''(Long pause)''
 '''Sarah May:''' Well... I mean, I'm Jewish, is that okay?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, you're Jewish.
 '''Sarah May:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I did not- I did not know that. But, yes, that's okay, '''Julie'''. You are Jewish-
 '''Sarah May:''' I was really afraid that you would... be upset with me.
 '''Chris:''' No it's okay, I'm not upset with you. I'm not upset with you, '''Julie'''. And I accept the fact that you are Jewish. And I accept- And I still accept you... as my friend. And also, uh, I may offer a input, if I heard correctly, uh... Uh, people who are Jewish are not supposed to have sex outside their religion.
 '''Sarah May:''' Yes, some people believe that, but not all of them.
 '''Chris:''' Do you believe it?
 '''Sarah May:''' Some of us don't believe in it.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Do you believe in it?
 '''Sarah May:''' Yeah, I think as long as the people love each other, then it's okay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Well then, '''Julie''', you are right.
 '''Sarah May:''' I mean, I respect Julie's opinions and all, but, you know, I just... I think in any religion that a promise should be a sacred thing, you know.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, '''Julie''', I agree. Promises are sacred.
 ''(In case you lost count, Chris called her by the wrong name FOUR times in a row.)''
 '''Sarah May:''' That was me, not Julie.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Not understanding)'' Yes. I am listening.
 '''Sarah May:''' Why are you calling me "Julie", Chris?
 '''Chris:''' No, I- I did not call you "Julie".
 '''Sarah May:''' You just did!
 '''Chris:''' Wait... No, I said "Yes-" ''(Finally realizes)'' Oh, I'm sorry. My mind is-
 '''Sarah May:''' You- Are you just pretending that I'm Julie?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no! No, Sarah. No. I'm not-
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)'' Why would you do that to me?
 '''Chris:''' It was an accident!
 '''Sarah May:''' WHY???
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' How could you make a stupid accident like that, Chris??
 '''Chris:''' I'm not perfect, we're not perfect! ''(Sigh)'' We're only- We're only human. We have our- We have rights to make mistakes. And I have made mistakes.
 '''Sarah May:''' It's just like, when you're having sex with somebody and they say somebody else's name, do you know what that would feel like? Do you know what this is doing to me right now, Chris??
 '''Chris:''' I- Sarah. I do understand. Because I have... seen that situation on television.
 ''[Once again, the audio is fucked. Chris and Sarah May are talking. Sarah says something about killing herself and Chris yells at her not to do it. Someone laughs, presumably the person who is recording the chat. The audio returns to normal for a few seconds.]
 '''Chris:''' ''[something]'' -it was just now!
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)'' I'm sorry, you know I-
 '''Chris:''' NOOOOOOOO, I'm sorry-
 ''[Audio cuts out again for a short while]''

===Put the knife down, I sent you a lock of my hair! (1:56:55 - 2:01:42)===
'''Sarah May:''' I can't believe this!
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' I can't believe it either.
 '''Sarah May:''' You- You won't even say anything, you just told me you don't ''[something]'' ...You don't even care about me!
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, I do care about you!
 '''Sarah May:''' You just wanna talk to Julie right now, don't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm talk- No. I wanna talk to you, I want to... help you feel better, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' You're not even trying...
 '''Chris:''' I am trying, Sarah. I'm sorry. I messed up, and I feel bad about it too.
 '''Sarah May:''' But you KEEP messing up! You just- you keep doing it! I... I think I'm gonna do something really bad...
 '''Chris:''' NO, SARAH, DON'T! Don't do- Don't do anything bad! Don't, no. No. Don't hurt yourself, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' Chris... I think I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' NO, NO, NO, don't do that, you've got a lot to live for, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I feel like- I feel like killing myself, or-
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah, don't!
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm gonna kill myself...
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no. No. No. Sarah? Don't kill yourself. Don't kill yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' I just- I feel like nothing is worth living for anymore, because-
 '''Chris:''' Sarah! Sarah, there are a lot of things in life worth living for.
 '''Sarah May:''' There nothing, if your friend can't even keep a promise and doesn't even know your name...
 '''Chris:''' I do know your name, your name is Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' You don't- You don't know my name... You don't.
 '''Chris:''' Your name is- You are SARAH MAY.
 '''Sarah May:''' Then why do you keep calling me "Julie"?
 '''Chris:''' I am not- I stopped. I stopped doing that.
 '''Sarah May:''' You did it like five times!
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah. Look, ''(Sigh)'' well maybe I miscounted.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm killing myself right now...
 '''Chris:''' NO, NO, DON'T- No! No! No! No-
 '''Sarah May:''' I've got the blade, you can't stop me!
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah- Sarah, put the knife down.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm doing it!
 '''Chris:''' No- No, Sarah! No.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm doing it right now!
 '''Chris:''' No. Look, stop. Stop. Just, just stop.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' Put the knife down, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying, in pain)''
 '''Chris:''' Put the knife down, Sarah. You don't need to do this. You've got- You have a lot to live for, Sarah. Sarah, you have a lot to live for. You have your-
 '''Sarah May:''' You just keep saying the same thing, you-
 '''Chris:''' You have your family! You have your friends! You have your future! And also, I- Also, Sarah. I sent Cassie 23 samples of my locks of hair.
 '''Sarah May:''' Why are you telling me this?? Why???
 '''Chris:''' Because, uh, I know- I know... from Cassie's promise, she will send you one of those locks.
 '''Sarah May:''' But that doesn't matter right now, why are you talking about this??
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh, whiny)'' Sarah, I'm trying to make you feel better. I'm trying- I'm trying to help you.
 '''Sarah May:''' You... You... ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' Sarah... I'm sorry.
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm gonna...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, no, don't cut yourself any more.
 '''Sarah May:''' I- I thought you understood us, I... I thought you understood the girls, you said you did...
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I did understand... women. Well, maybe not- Maybe not to a full amount of knowledge, but I CARE, and I RESPECT all women's feelings, including yours, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' Then why did you lie to me? You lied to all of us, when you say you-
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' You say you respect us, and I... You have to stop lying, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Sarah, I'm not lying now. ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' How do I know that? You tell me you weren't lying before, and then you turn around and you... I... I don't- I have to...
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Sarah May:''' I have to go.
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah, Sarah. I was ready-
 '''Sarah May:''' I have to go, I have to go now, I can't take this anymore...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I can't take this anymore...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah? I love you-
 '''Sarah May:''' I'm leaving right now, I can't-
 '''Chris:''' No, Sarah.
 '''Sarah May:''' I can't take it...
 '''Chris:''' Sarah? I'll give you- I'll give you your space. You just calm- Just take your time. Just calm down.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' Don't cut or kill yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' ''(Crying)''
 '''Chris:''' No, don't- Don't cut or kill yourself.
 '''Sarah May:''' Well, I'm gonna do it right now.
 '''Chris:''' No-
 '''Sarah May:''' Goodbye, Chris... Goodbye.
 '''Chris:''' Sarah? I love you as a friend! ''(She's gone)'' Oh...

===The Five Stages of Grief (2:01:42 - END)===
'''Julie:''' Chris? I'm sorry, Chris... I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' No, this is my fault.
 '''Julie:''' This... I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'' I'm sorry too, Julie. I did- I made a promise I did not realize that I couldn't keep. And now I just made... things worse. I... Thought- At least- At least two or five times I said your name instead of Sarah's.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, it's okay. We'll get throught this together, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Y'know, Julie, it took me a long time- took me a long time to make the transition from... um, [[PandaHalo|Sarah/Panda]] to your- to you. 'Cause y'know, back then I... My- The first name that came into mind was- was hers, but... Still, I tried- Still, I worked HARD in shifting from that- from her to you. To devote myself to you. I- I do- Julie? I love you and a care about you a lot as a friend, and as my... girlfriend.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Sarah May may be gone, but I...
 '''Chris:''' Well at least I still have you.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Breathing)''
 '''Julie:''' But, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' I'm still worried, she's probably dead I'm... worried about her. I... Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm worried too.
 '''Julie:''' I need to go and think.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, me too.
 '''Julie:''' For a while...
 '''Chris:''' Me too.
 '''Julie:''' I might not be back for a week.
 '''Chris:''' I understand. Julie? I'm still looking forward to your letter, and I'll look forward to the next time we chat. And... ''Ich bin schwell'', Julie.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' I think, at this time, maybe you should talk to [[Clyde]].
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I un- I understand. We should talk to Clyde. If the home- If my home phone rings in the future, I'll be sure to answer it.
 '''Julie:''' No, I think we should talk to him on Skype.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Well, okay, let's... We can switch over to Skype then. Alright.
 ''[The end. Bluespike sings and everyone in the chat is amazed by what just transpired.]

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 7|Mumble Chat 7]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 9|Mumble Chat 9]]|}}

==Links==
* [https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBaWhzZ1NLXzF0dFE Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]