CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and negotiation

2021-01-06T03:28:02Z

Mr3urious: /* Ignoring reality */

{{Dated}}
{{quote|[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'M WORKIN' ON IT!]]|[[Chris]] on everything and anything.}}
{{quote|Shut Up and Buy My Toys, please.|Chris, to a potential customer.<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts#Autographs removed from toys]]</ref>}}

[[File:Executiveprotestcard.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris and his Mary Sue ponysona, [[Night Star]], "negotiating" with the perpetually smiling executives of Hasbro over his [[My Little Pony Protests|desire for ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' to continue]] as depicted in one of his [[TSSSF]] cards.]]

While dealing with Chris, [[trolls]] often experience his unique form of '''negotiation'''. Due to a severe sense of [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]], a [[Barbara Chandler|lifetime of coddling]] and [[autism|other factors beyond his control]], Chris has no grasp of how to compromise and often fails to understand what sort of bargaining position he's in.

Often, [[trolls]] blackmailing Chris will find him making demands of them as if he were the one with leverage. Conversely, some have experienced the oddity of having Chris run away from a situation where he was purposely given the upper hand. When it comes to dealing with Chris directly, one can only expect that he will always take the path of least resistance, even if it doesn't benefit him.

==Concept of compromise==
Negotiation is based on compromise. Both parties must work together and make concessions to each other to find the best possible solution to their problems in a satisfactory manner. Chris doesn't understand this, and arguably ''cannot'' understand this, given his severely stunted ability to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings that differ from his own. Being completely ego-centric, Chris believes that, in any exchange, both parties must share the same viewpoint: his. Chris can't stand any form of prolonged confrontation and quickly tires if his demands aren't met exactly as he has made them.

On numerous occasions, Chris has tried to negotiate either by making ridiculous demands or outright refusing to give anything up (or do anything at all for that matter). After he makes his case, his mind is "closed on the matter" and he is unwilling to budge. When further pressed, he often shuts down completely and walks away from the table, into the waiting arms of his [[PlayStation 3]].

Other times, Chris just asks whoever he has bothered if both of them can just "forgive and forget". He said this to Michael Snyder when asking about being unbanned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] two years after his original ban. That may be somewhat understandable, but Chris also tried this same excuse a day after he doxxed [[Mr. Smith]].

==Chris's Attempted Negotiations==
===[[Mary Lee Walsh]]===
One of the earliest examples of Chris's attempts at negotiations was after his expulsion from his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]]. In [[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004|emails]] between [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and himself, Chris was unapologetic about a violent outburst that he had had in their previous meeting. Instead of apologizing, Chris offered to "never hang notes on the wall again", and to consider "stopping my Silent Treatment" of Susan Hannifan, a PVCC Guidance Counselor.<ref>[http://www.pvcc.edu/counseling_services/disability_services.php]</ref> To further sweeten the deal, Chris offered to "knock[...] [Walsh] and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points". Ignoring the horrible choice of words in regards to "[[Hanky-panky|knocking up]]" two of his female superiors, Chris believed that an imaginary measurement of his personal opinion was an extremely important bargaining chip. This is an example of how Chris behaves in negotiations where he wants something from another person - by offering minimal effort on his part, but expecting full returns from the other party.

===[[Shigeru Miyamoto]]===
During the Nintendo saga, [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] stated that Chris must meet him at Nintendo's American headquarters in Redmond, Washington. Chris handled this by making a [[CWC Update 26 January 2009|video]] where he pretended to come back from Redmond when he never left the house. Chris demanded that the CEO of an international company come to HIS house and meet with him. When Chris was pressed as to why the meeting had to be at his house, Chris said that he had no money. When he was asked why he had no money, he said he had no job. When he was asked why he didn't have a job, Chris made various excuses and cited his very brief employment at [[Wendy's]]. He also insulted Miyamoto, asking him "Are you the "Mario" who Plays Fair, or the "Bowser/Koopa" who Cheats and Lies?" This sort of "pass the buck" attitude is very common when dealing with Chris. Nothing negative can ever be his fault.

===[[Audiobooks]]===
In [[2009]], Chris came into contact with [[Vivian Gee]], a [[white knight]] who eventually turned into a troll. Vivian was very helpful to Chris at first, but Chris refused to hear any of her input. As a result, their relationship soured, and Vivian started a popular ''Sonichu'' parody audiobook that Chris despised. [[4 September 2009|Chris ranted and raved]], demanding that the audiobooks be removed. They were not. One month later, Chris quickly changed his tune. After taking out a [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] on the [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|''name'' "Sonichu"]], Chris believed he now had magical copyright powers and demanded that Vivian give him 25% of all the profits she'd made from the audiobooks (which was $0). Overnight, something that he had made death threats over became not only welcome but highly sought after.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
When Jack stole Chris's [[PSN]] accounts, Chris asked him "Why don't you come down to my house yourself in person, unless you are the cowardly weakling?" Jack had to remind him that he (Jack) held all the cards, and Chris was in no position to make demands.

===[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]===
After his parents ordered that he remove all copies of his [[Tour of Chris's House|video tour of]] [[14 Branchland Court]] from the Internet, Chris made another video in which he made his demand that all the copies of the tour which had been uploaded by trolls be taken down. Rather than calmly and politely explaining that the videos posed a threat to the safety of his family (which would likely have gotten at least ''some'' of the trolls to remove their copies), Chris loudly shrieks like a child and even turns his demands from being idiotic to being vaguely insulting by admitting it was his fault for uploading the videos, then immediately threatening the trolls with detectives and police if they didn't immediately do as he asked. Humorously, [[Bob]] does a better job at mentioning how serious the situation is, but because Chris didn't include his speech in the final video, the damage the trolls would cause in result was inevitable.

===[[Sweetheart]] [[saga]]s===
Whenever Chris wants to meet one of his "sweethearts" in real life, he usually wants them to come to him, no matter how difficult such a trip would be. He wanted [[PandaHalo]] to come to him despite her living in Australia. He wanted [[Julie]] to come to him even though she was supposedly a poor immigrant who couldn't afford a car or bus fare. He wanted [[Kacey]] to come to him even though she lived in the D.C. area, which is an hour or so from Ruckersville.

One of the most recent sweethearts, [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]], was willing to have a relationship with Chris as long as he tried to become a better person. Instead of trying to put more effort and try to better himself, he decided to end things.

During the Julie saga, Chris made several deals with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[The Miscreants]], all of which he reneged on:

*In the first deal, Chris agreed to do a video where he came out of the closet to save Julie's life. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Take 1|first take]], he called himself a "[[gaybian]]", which was done so that he could somehow say he was gay without actually calling himself gay. He did a [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Take 2|second take]] where he clearly stated that he was being forced to say he was gay. When he finally did call himself a homosexual, he mumbled it and stated he was "guhhhhh".

*The second deal was that Chris would clean his room to save Julie's life and that he would do a video to prove it was clean. To avoid having to clean his room, he merely pushed some of his stuff aside and filmed his floor for 30 seconds before he did his [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|Captain's Log]].

*The final deal resulted in the infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself]] call. [[BlueSpike]], as both Julie and her kid brother Max, had gained access to Chris's [[PSN]] account. In the guise of Max, he offered Chris an ultimatum: The [[PSN]] and Yahoo! accounts or Julie. In a conversation before the call, Chris told Max that he chose Julie, believing that, like in the movies and TV, he would get both back for "making the right choice". Right when "Max" put "Julie" on, Chris immediately asked "her" to get his PSN and Yahoo! back. Failing that, he tried to guilt Max into giving it back to him. In the main call, Max gives Chris one last chance to change his choice. He sticks with Julie, despite the hold that his PSN account has over him. When Max threatened to sell his account on eBay, he revealed that he "made the right choice" and that he deserves his PSN.

===Chris, [[CWCipedia]] captain===
When he was given his wiki for free, he demanded complete executive control from day one. In Chris's mind, this meant that every demand he made would be fulfilled by the staff and that anything done without his permission would be removed immediately. He insisted on a gaudy background, and [[CWCipedia#Traitorous mutiny|threatened to stop working]] whenever the [[Cogsdev|webmaster]] displeased him. Later, when Jack Thaddeus graciously paid for the CWCipedia's webspace with ads featuring homoerotic images, Chris went on a tirade and immediately demanded that they be taken down, yet refused to even consider paying for his website. When removal failed, he said that he wanted them to be smaller, as if he had some say in how large advertisements were. Chris had no concept of how advertising worked but merely assumed that he had the final say in everything.

Later, during the "popularity contest" between ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' and ''[[Asperchu]]'', he tried to make amends with [[Alec Benson Leary]] to remove ''Asperchu'' ads from the front page of the CWCipedia. However, instead of making reparations, Chris demanded that Alec tell his fans to go back to ''Sonichu''. Chris, who was in no position to make requests, attached several "clauses" to his apologies. Chris's list of demands was larger than the apology they were bundled with. All of this came after Chris drew a comic where he broke into Alec's house, stole a dating game from his [[Xbox|Xbox 360]], blew up said Xbox, and freed a group of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] that he implied were the victims of sexual abuse. After finally fulfilling most of Alec's requests in a substandard and slapdash manner, Chris killed him, his webmaster and two other comic artists in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] as some sort of childish form of revenge.

===PlayStation Network===
Often, trolls will gain access to Chris's PSN, and make various demands. The most common of these demands is that he sell or throw out some of his beloved toys or games. Despite his claims that he plays with everything in his room, a glance at his PSN account shows otherwise. Most of his PSN activity is divided between ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'', ''[[God of War]] 3'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', which leaves most of his [[List of Chris's games|vast collection of games]] untouched. Even though he doesn't use the majority of the toys and games he owns, he refuses to sell them. This refusal is usually followed up by him saying that he doesn't have the money to do something that would improve his life.

Between late [[August 2010]] and early [[September 2010]], Chris was met with the opportunity (not really) of gaining $9,001 in exchange for the [[The MovingForward videos|destruction of]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|his PS3]]. Needless to say, [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|it didn't go well]]. The bounty was only for trolls and was, in turn, fake. However, Chris tried to haggle (albeit ''very'' poorly) with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] to get something that never existed. The ultimate result of this was Chris [[Charlottesville Fashion Square#Chris captured on video|actually waiting for his money at the Charlottesville Fashion Square]] after being tricked into going there. After realizing he had been tricked, he ended by telling them to "go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like [[South Park|Eric Cartman]], and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[Sex toys|Darth Maul Dual Light Saber]]."

===[[3DS Flipnote|Flipnote Studio on 3DS]]===
In one of Chris's many [[Flipnote Studio]] creations, he requests that Nintendo port the software to their 3DS platform. In typical Chris fashion, his animation consists of him [[Chris and anger|yelling loudly]] and demanding that Nintendo bring the software to the 3DS. Chris had sped his voice up to the point where it's hard to decipher what he's saying, but he assumes that being loud will get you what you want. Throughout the entire animation, his tone of voice and choice of words suggest that [[Chris and his Ego|he's under the impression that he's some sort of spokesperson]] for all Flipnote users. Nintendo eventually released ''Flipnote Studio 3D'' in [[February 2015]].

===[[Calling Out]]===
Returning to [[YouTube]] after an 8-month hiatus, Chris decided to confront two of his trolls, [[Surfshack Tito]] and [[Thorg]], over what they've done and demanded that Tito apologize to Sony over the hackings and to [[The Wallflower]] for "breaking them up", then give him [[Chris and money|$1000]], and telling Thorg to apologize for putting up pictures years ago and to put up a non-slanderous billboard saying that Chris is [[STRAIGHT]]. He also wants them to remove all contributions to the [[CWCki]]. If these weren't done, he'd reveal their pictures and possible other dox and have the trolls troll them.

Unlike the incident involving Clyde Cash resulting in [[Twin Falling Towers|a very poorly made decision]], Chris honestly believes he has the upper hand and can finally pay back against some of his trolls. However, what he's doing isn't a negotiation, but an [[Chris and the Law|extortion]], expecting these goals to be completed or they were to suffer the consequences with Chris doing nothing on his part.

===[[eBay]] and [[Craigslist]] sales===
Chris's idea of salesmanship is interesting, to say the least. He attempts to sell mostly old, broken or worthless items and tends to demand many times the item's actual value in exchange, often non-negotiable. An early example was his attempt to sell an ancient television on Craigslist, demanding ''$250'' for a piece of junk he'd be lucky to sell for a tenth of that sum.

Since then, he has become a much more prolific e-merchant, and has whittled away [[2014]] charging thousands of dollars for his "[[art]]" on eBay, showing that he is still [[Chris and reality|delusional]] enough to [[Chris and his Ego|vastly overestimate his e-fame and artistic talent]]. Similarly, he tried to sell his late father's replica of a Stradivarius violin for almost ''$100,000'', as if he believed that a violin with a manufactured label saying it was made in the 1950s on its interior could be the real thing. Most recently, he has attempted to sell his and his mother's ancient, barely-functioning cars. Typical of Chris, he is demanding thousands of dollars for cars which are worth maybe a few hundred (as scrap). He also characteristically demands that the deal in question is of a "no-haggle" nature even when setting unrealistic asking prices on sites where haggling is often the norm.

Needless to say, most of Chris's merchandise either go unsold, or he is forced to accept a more realistic price for it. We can only assume the rest is bought by his [[Trolls|most avid fans]] who [[Medallions#Obtaining medallions|glory in the opportunity to possess samples of his fine work]].

However, Chris may not just ask for ridiculous prices in exchange for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitty]] [[Medallions#Mark 2|possessions]] because he's taking his prospective buyers for [[Naïve|fools]], but because [[Chris and money|he doesn't know the first thing about value]]. Consider his lavish spending sprees that transcend his ability to fund them; his parents taught him nothing about the value of money, which he thinks can be pissed away nonchalantly. He also struggles with measurement, as evidenced by his estimation of a 12-pack of canned lemonade weighing 50 pounds, a symptom of [[autism]], it's possible that his incompetence in this regard also extends to an estimation of value.

The reality, however, could also be something much more sinister. The high prices he sets for his goods may not be due to ignorance of value, but a symptom of his abject materialism and hoarding, inherited from [[Barb]]. It's possible that Chris is so attached to and obsessed with his material possessions that he seriously finds his ludicrous prices an acceptable consolation for him to have to give up part of his precious hoard.

===[[Unban contracts]]===
In [[October 2016]], Chris delivered contracts to at least two stores (Gamestop and Best Buy) from which he was banned. In these contracts (which were likely not signed), he puts in a clause stating the stores in question can't call the [[JERKOPS|police]] against him (making the contract null and void, since contracts can't protect against prosecution.) He also wants the managers to "forgive and forget," and claims that not signing proves they are "most uncompassionate and lacking of heart and soul of any person."

==Chris's tactics==
===Ignoring reality===
When Chris is faced with a task requiring any effort on his part (no matter how minimal) or involves something that does not benefit him, he completely ignores it. Chris automatically disregards anything that will not benefit him immediately, or almost immediately. The hardest part of negotiating with Chris is that, if you make a demand that he does not agree to, he shuts down. Like a spoiled infant, Chris will not even deal with something that isn't self-serving and easy.

On the other hand, when you have something Chris wants, Chris will not give up until he has acquired it - on his terms. When the road to a reward has a sign that bluntly says Chris is not eligible, he will attempt to get the reward anyway or claim that the rules are discriminatory and unfair. Chris will pursue his goal thoughtlessly and simple-mindedly - expending great resources in the process - often ignoring even the idea that he might not get what he wants. In the process, he frequently acts as if he has some sort of leverage even in situations where this is manifestly not the case — he continually made demands of the CWCipedia's administrators, for instance, even though they had full control over the website and he had none.

===Altering reality===
In some instances (the rare ones that he does what he was instructed to), anything said or done he feels slandered his good name he will simply state are lies and instruct everyone to ignore them, then will [[Mailbag 2|close his mind]] on the subject. This is retarded for two reasons. By telling his "fans" to ignore the lies, he is alerting "fans" that are a little behind on what's happening with Chris of their existence, making more people see them than would have if he didn't acknowledge them. He is also showing he is aware of their existence, and still insisting they are lies.

===Delays===

[[File:PornRequest.png|thumb|You can't go wrong with MLP porn over paying your debt!]]

When Chris has to meet a requirement during a negotiation (most noticeably deadlines), he will explain that he is "working on it". To Chris, saying this is an acceptable substitute for actual work, whether or not he is indeed "working on it". If in his own good time, Chris feels inclined to fulfill the deal, he'll submit whenever he wants to, regardless of the original agreement, well after the deadline. If the agreement was that he would receive something for the "work" done, he will demand it unceasingly, despite not holding up his end of the deal in any way, shape, or form.

Even if Chris somehow agrees to a set of terms, he will try to get around them. If he agrees to give something up for someone, he will go behind that person's back to get it back so that he could have both. If he agrees to draw a comic, he will most likely do something easier, like making a video or write a blog entry, figuring that that counts as work. If he agrees to willingly slander himself (like calling himself gay, for instance), he'll either mumble it so that it's incomprehensible, or he'll hide his face.

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Attraction Sign

2020-12-15T03:40:27Z

Mr3urious:

{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|Chris, talking in third person.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]

The '''Attraction Sign''' was used by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Incredibly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting sex with a piece of cardboard has not enticed any ladies to date.

An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman",<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref> but more information about Chris (and demands about his partner) soon found their way onto the Sign.

All of the original signs have likely been destroyed in the [[house fire]] of [[2014]].
__TOC__

==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original Sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and amusing of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign.]]
[[File:Chris holding sign.jpg|thumb|The sign in the field.]]
:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE 18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s face][[Chris and copyright|©]] ➨
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''

Chris had other ideas beyond Signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''

==The Sign in College==
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]]

Many variations on the Sign were produced when Chris was in college, chiefly because [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. During this time, Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new Signs and plastering them all over campus - only to be torn down in turn by Mary.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref> Regardless of Mary's efforts, the Sign required updating annually, since the requisite age of the [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] was invariably 18 to whatever Chris' age was at the time.

The attraction sign shows a truly desperate time in Chris' life, where he advertised his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] in the same way you would [[Craigslist#Son-Chu II|advertise selling a car]].

<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls, written by his [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc|evil twin]].
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
</gallery></center>

==Hiatus==
Discouraged by Barb, Chris retired the Sign proper some time before August 2009:

{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}

In spite of this, the Sign would soon make its return in various incarnations.

==Return of the Sign==

In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "'''I Enjoy Vagina'''" and an exposed [[Muscle bra|bra]] saying "'''Want Woman!'''" over [[Obesity|his large gut]], a lazy and frank form of the Sign.<ref name="FAF">[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While this display is (even) less pleasant and more direct than the original Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out-of-touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.

A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract an unfortunate woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and ''throwing it at her''. Combined with the earlier "'''Want Woman!'''" tactic, this caused some [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to devolve into some sort of caveman.

Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris had reverted to the original-style Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that children shouldn't be exposed to him in his [[sports bra]].

On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new Sign that read "[[Homos|'''Friendly and Flirty Man Zone''']]".<ref name="FAF"/> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what seems to be a misguided attempt to look fun and cool.

In a February 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he planned to wear a Sign around his neck that says, "'''If you like me, tell me!'''"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>. Whether or not he actually did this was never documented, but knowing Chris this was certainly not an idle threat.

==Comeback==
[[File:Okcupid 8 jul 2014 4.jpg|thumb|Attraction Sign as of July 2014]]
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status revealed that Chris planned to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]]

{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#I have decided]]</ref>}}

He later revealed in another note that he was lying in a baffling attempt to "troll the trolls".<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref>

==OkCupid and the Sign in 2014==

On [[July 2014]], Chris made a new [[OkCupid]] account, which resulted in a few new photos of him in full [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]] regalia. One horrifying picture shows Chris looking 20 years older than he is and brandishing a new Sign (made out of [[Legos]]) stating "'''HEY LADIES I'M SINGLE PLEASE ASK ME OUT'''". It is unknown if he uses or intends to use this new Sign in public (physically speaking; his OkCupid profile was a public site).<ref>[[OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile]]</ref>

===Chris's Concession===

Chris's 2014 OkCupid account also revealed the fact that he has finally conceded to raise the minimum age of his [[heartsweet]], up to 23, probably having realised the minimum age of 18 was becoming [[Pedofork|very inappropriate]]. However, 23 is still a large disparity with Chris' age when he wrote it (32) and he still absurdly demands his sweetheart be younger than himself, even though he clearly wants them to serve largely as his [[Barbara Chandler|mother figure]].

==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Business card]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

PS3 History Level

2020-12-14T04:20:41Z

Mr3urious: Going by the only other video of someone else playing this level (QL7-nzy4PeY), which is even shittier than Chris's quality-wise, the "mystery word" in one of the text bubbles that flies by is probably "ordered".

{{quote|Brought to use[sic] by Sonichu, his [[PLAYSTATION 3]] History level is a definitely[sic] must see. Complete with a series of mini-games and innovative mechanisms, we were enthralled by the amount of content and PS3 features the level was able to highlight.[bad grammar] We especially like how Sonichu took full advantage of the [[PLAYSTATION Eye]] by presenting a detailed lineup of various movies and games from the PLAYSTATION / [[Blu-Ray|BlueRay]][sic] family.|Media Molecule, bringing honour to the country that invented the English language}}

'''PS3 History Level''' is a boring ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level [[Chris]] made in during his period of solitary confinement in November [[2008]]. The level was created in response to a contest Media Molecule was holding called the "LittleBigChallenge"; the goal of which was to create a level celebrating the second anniversary of the [[PS3]]. Never one to turn down [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|a contest]], Chris soon made a really shitty level that sucked off the system, and therefore it was immediately featured on the ''LBP'' site<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20081201035752/http://news.littlebigworkshop.com/en-us/ LittleBigPlanet™ News Site] (archived on 1 Dec 2008)</ref>. The reaction of the other ''LBP'' fans was, however, quite funny when [[nudes]] of Chris leaked onto the forum.

The level did not win the contest, but did earn honorable mentions, which resulted in Chris receiving the [[Metal Gear Solid]] level pack for free. Note that Chris claims he bought the PS3 in March [[2006]], but because he's an idiot, he really means [[2007]].

==Watch==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|1o5TMqQoUT4}}</center>

{{quote|Prize bubbles coming down... they're all the icons. Yayyyyyyy!}}

=== Transcript ===

All of the numerous typos have been transcribed to the best of our ability. The text of the speech bubbles have been marked like this. [''Various activities have been marked like this.'']

[''Sonichu sackmonster standing around in the main menu'']

Hello, ''LittleBigPlanet'' community! And everyone in the [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] fanbase. I'm here to introduce the level I've submitted to the LittleBigChallenge.

[''Chris chooses the level to play'']

This is it. So... go here, and heart it. I'm gonna play it for you once.

[''Chris loads the level. Sackboy materialized on top of a gigantic PS3, with pics of Chris and what appears to be [[Chris and rape|ransom notes]].'']

Right, so there's a lot of talk.You don't have to go through all of it.

: Photo of Chris, thumbs-up: Hello, LittleBiGCommunity! I have created this level in tribute to the Playstation 3's 2nd Year

: So, let's pop the Preffered Hi-Definition Blu-Ray Disc in, and I will tell my story of me & [[PS3]].

[''Sacknichu steps on a button which makes the PS3 to load the disc.'']

But I basically tell my story.

[''Sacknichu leaps down in front of various [[Guitar Hero]] boxes.'']

: Before I got my PS3, I've been rockin' with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] and [[Guitar Hero]].

[''Sacknichu lands on the bottom, next to increasingly smaller Guitar Hero controllers. There's a red heart with the text "Please heart this level".'']

That's me and my PS3. Opportunity to jam on my guitar. [Sings something?]

[''Takes a snapshot, then runs forward to collect the first prize bubbles, a grave portent of things to come. Yet another ransom note reads: "Sonuchu & Rosechu are not property of Sony Computer Entertainment or Media Molecule". Sacknichu arrives to a PSP, which also has a photo of Sacknichu on screen.'']

: I was also playing my PSP. Make LittleBiGPlanet Remote Play compatible; It Can Work.

Right, so like I said...

[''Passes a Sonic 2006 box and a crude representation of the figurine mentioned.'']

: In anticipation of my Planned Purchase of my 60GB PS3, I had reserved Sonic the Hedgehog.

: And here's the Limited Edition 15th Anniversay Figure to prove it. :)

You just run through all the text I put in.

[''Skips through the next text bubbles in rapid fire.'']

: I have ordered, from the start, Blue Blu-Ray Cases, because look...

: The Discs are Blu-Ray, so BLUE is TRUE for PS3 Discs, and...

: It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES.

: I get a set of 25 cases off of eBay, but if you can find them in your stores, good.

: And from the people of [[Adult Swim]](tm), "Robot Chicken" had their Video Contest with a PS3 to win

Unless you wanna see 'em all.

[''Leaps up to a ledge in the PS3 Tetris rack.'']

But look, my [[pixelated PS3]] is being put together, ''Tetris style''. ... It completed, and look what else comes down!

[''Sackboy barely has time to flinch as Tetris-block-shaped prize bubbles fall on him. He goes down to collect the rest of them. Doing so, he triggers yet another few text bubble which he quickly skips.'']

: And featured in [[Pixelated PS3|my entry Video]], I built one from [[Lego]] Bricks and [[Pixelblocks]].

: Would have made one from WOOD if it was HARD enough. :D

[''Checkpoint'']

You get pixelated PS3 this way. As well as the real one I put together from a- a worse ver- a worse version of someone else put together.

[''Chris walks forward while speaking, and skips the following bubbles quickly.'']

: March 17, 2006. I was able to afford and buy the 60GB Playstation 3, I've also got Wi-Fi @ Home

: Also, August of '07, I was one of 10 winners in the [[Parappa Contest]] with my winning Video.

: I won a copy of the [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins.

: I would like to take this moment to remind y'all who play this level of Real Music Heroes...

And I talk about Parappa the Rapper and UmJammer Lammy.

[''A blurry Parappa and Lammy is shown, and the speech bubble is actually shown for a while.'']

: Parappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy!

The original Singstar and Guitar Hero.

[''Sackmonster runs forth, leaving a trail of skipped bubbles in his wake.'']

: I have read that Parappa was the VERY FIRST to introduce Button-Press-Syncing & Music Games.

: Without Parappa, we would NOT have D.D.R. or [[SingStar Challenge|Singstar]], or even Guitar Hero without Lammy! :)

: I talk a lot about Rockin' with Guitar Hero, but I don't play for a moment without remembering.

[''Sackboy comes to a stairway by a gigantic Umjammer Lammy figure. The bubble is quickly skipped. Chris begins his journey up the stairs.'']

: Um Jammer Lammy; the ORIGINAL Guitar Hero! She should be a Guest Star in a G.H. Game w. Parappa

Yeah, so let's put Lammy and Parappa in a Guitar Hero game as guest star characters.

: Take the hint; Rock with Lammy & Parappa on Playstation 3!

Take the hint, Activision or Sony.

[''Sackboy goes up stairs, collecting a prize bubble on each step.'']

Right, so lotsa prize bubbles are bein' collected! Uh oh...

[''...Chris said, for no particular good reason. Checkpoint. Chris comes to the XrossMediaBar(tm) contraption he built.'']

And we are at the XrossMediaBar I put together for each individual icon. And here's another photo opportunity.

[''Sackboy leaps down to an eye-shaped hole full of prize bubbles.'']

Life of the PlayStation!

[''Sackboy makes a huge grin and waves to camera as Chris takes a snapshot.'']

Yayyyyyy...

[''Sackboy ambles upward with the help of two ladders placed on top of each other, leaping from rung to rung and failing more than a few times.'']

Two ladders, but I think you know which one to choose to go up on.

Not too easy, but the time... but you figure it out.

: PS Store icon says: All Guitar Hero Adds, All PSOne Classics, Tekken 5 and MORE, Only @ the Playstation Store!

Welcome to the PlayStation Store! Yayyyyyyy...

[''Sackboy wanders about and grabs a few prize bubbles. He skips most of the following bubbles, only leaving the last one on screen for any period of time.'']

: http://www.sonichu.net, http://www.us.playstation.com, the Playstation Blog, +

: [[Sonic The Hedgehog|Sonic]], [[Guitar Hero]] (3, Aero, W.T.), [[The Eye of Judgment|E.O.J.]], [[Soul Calibur|S.C.IV]], Folklore, Motorstorm, [[Sonichu's Edge|Mirrors Edge]], [[LittleBigPlanet|L.B.P.]] +

: [[Transformers]], [[Family Guy]], Sex & the City, [[Samurai Pizza Bots|Samurai Pizza Cats]], [[Sailor Moon]], PGSM, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|ATHFCMFFT]], +

: [[Britney Spears]], C.W.C., Guitar Hero ALL. Soundtracks, Sonic CD with "Sonic Boom" of Pastichi, +

: All Sonichu & [[Rosechu]] Images, including my [[Sonichu (comic)|Comic Book Pages]], as seen on [[Sonichu.net]]! +

: Me, My Sweetheart, and Ohter Countries. I can fly quickly to the Japan Store! :)

Prize bubbles coming down.

[''Huge prize bubbles come down.'']

They're all the icons! Yayyyy....

[''Sackboy dutifully collects bubbles, inadvertently trips a speech bubble, which he skips.'']

: To move ahead, Head HOME.

You wanna make sure you get that today, but if you move on, you got... head home. Make sure you collect your prize bubbles! All the icons on the PlayStation 3 XrossMediaBar.

[''Done grabbing all of the prize bubbles, the Sackboy leaps among the icons.'']

Also, over here, you'll get 20 bubbles out of the trophy.

Here's a tip. More bubbles. Get 'em on your way down.

[''Leaps to the right, collecting bubbles from top of the icons.'']

To going home.

Yep.

[''Drops on the lower level again, by the checkpoint. He leaps around, and inexplicably, the PS3 guitar is shown, with a rather Spartan speech bubble on it.'']

: Gitar says: -

And there's my [[Gitar of Fail|PlayStation 3 Guitar]]. ''Custom painted.''

[''Sackboy entertains us by leaping up the ladder, '''again''' failing at jumps multiple times.'']

(singing) Jumpin' up the ladder... (normal voice) doing all the XrossMediaBar icons. [??? Igloo-enno choppy bay!]

[''Sackboy reaches the top and collects the prize bubbles on the PS3 guitar.'']

Make new friends on the PlayStation Network.

[''Sackboy runs up the guitar's neck.'']

Jump at the last bubble here.

: And Now, the Titles among my Collection that Truly Shows Off PS3's Potential!

[''Sackboy leaps on the next area from the end of the guitar's neck. There is no prize bubble here, despite Chris's claims.'']

...aaaand here.

[''Sackboy leaps on a moving platform that passes some game covers: Sonic 2006, Sega Superstars Tennis, Guitar Hero III, Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, Guitar Hero: World Tour, Rock Band, LittleBigPlanet, [[Transformers]] (2007 Game), Transformers (2007 Movie), [[SoulCalibur]] 4, Heavenly Sword, Mirror's Edge, Folklore, Sex and the City (Movie), [[Eye of Judgement]], Motorstorm, BioShock, Resistance: Fall of Man, Spider-Man 3 (Game), Stranglehold: Collector's Edition, and Warhawk.'']

Take a ride and view some of the games in my collection. And... do a little dance. [an attempt at jamming along the music] Hot chicks! In the three games! Uh, make that four. It's Sex and the City. Whoop-de-do. Yayyyyy! [[Homos|I'm straight, don't doubt me!]]

: But, we must REALLY Tip the [[Caitlin|Waiters]] of Every [[Gamestop]] and all those Stores who carry...

[''The picture inexplicably shifts to LittleBigPlanet box, shown alone in its splendor atop an electrified, [[Michael Snyder|blue six-pointed star]]. Chris takes a moment to savor the awesomeness of the sight.'']

: LittleBiGPlanet! YAY!!!!! :D

[[LittleBigPlanet]]. LittleBigPlanet. Yayyyyyy!

[''As the Sackboy continues the journey, a store clerk waves at the player. Sonichu games are on display on the store counter. The clerk laughs like a ninny.'']

: Clerkette says: Hello, welcome to Gamestop. The C.W.C. Certificate?! Yes, Sir!

[[Chloe|Check out the chick at the cash register]], at your local [[GameStop]].

[''The view abruptly changes to show the cashier from another direction.'']

: And with all those games, you get a FREE Guitar and Playstation Eye Camera; Power 2 the Players!

[''Sackboy, meanwhile, is going downhill on the moving platform, next to boxes of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]] and [[Sonichu's Adventure]].'']

And a couple of games that Sony has decided to do for me. Not yet anyway.

[''Sackboy passes a shrunk and tilted version of the aforementioned GameStop counter.'']

: Clerkette (shrunk using dark magic) says: Thank you for shopping at Gamestop; your receipt is in the bag. Have a Great Day. :D

[''The platform comes to a stand. Sackboy leaps over a block of ice on top of a huge shopping bag with PlayStation button symbols.'']

And yes, there is a receipt in the bag.

[''Checkpoint'']

Make sure you check it out. Close-up.

[''Sackboy leaps in the bag to collect items within. The bag topples over.'']

You'll get a copy of the receipt, and the prize bubbles as well.

[''Partially obscured and hard-to-read ransom note: "PRESS THEN JUMP ASIDE!". View switches to show a crude block with text "160 GB HDD SATA". Next to it lies another PSP.'']

: Black Friday of '07, I bought and upgraded to a 160 GB SATA HDD for my PS3...

[''Sackboy leaps forward.'']

: But Mid-October of '08, I've upgraded to 320 GB; learn how to get more Memory for your Buck here

More bang for [[monthly tugboat|your buck]] with more memory.

[''A green "hard drive" slides out of PS3, almost crushing Sackboy, who cleverly dodges it. The other "hard drive" slides in in its place. The PSP drops off from the heavens.'']

Make sure you jump off, because that button is on the directional format.

[''Wood blocks keep sliding back and forth, turning Sackboy into a pancake.'']

Oops.

[''Sackboy emerges from the checkpoint, and manages to not get crushed this time.'']

I'll win a prize for acing the level. A Sonic trophy.

[''Sackboy jumps around, trying in vain to jump over the PSP, always falling through because Chris is not on the same depth-level with the PSP. Chris finally realizes his mistake.'']

Of course you want to jump onto the PSP. Move on at this point.

: In the long run still, I have grown and learned more with my Playstation 3...

[''Sackboy leaps and grabs hanging icons, swinging from icon to icon and getting slathered in PS3 praise.'']

: I've ventured to other cultures from my home...

And now you can swing on the XrossMediaBar icons.

: LBP error message: Your profile cannot be saved because it is too large. Try deleting unwanted items from My Pictures, My Objects, My Costumes, or My Levels. [OK]

[''Chris messes up and begins his swingin journey again.'']

And you want to make sure you've got plenty of room for all the ''shopping'' you just did in this level.

: I've grown more techonological, more so than with Nintendo...

[''Sackboy falls on the electrified floor and explodes. Back at the checkpoint, Chris forges ahead to try yet again...'']

It's a double-[??? life]. Bubble-[??? life] is like three a bag. More power for your buck!

: I've shared my Art...

: My songs...

: my voice and honest opinions...

[''Chris finally succeeds on the first set of swings and lands on top of a PS3 controller.'']

In case you don't make it, or if you're taking the paper airplane over there... touch stick it here, another one over here, all the way over there. For the five second delay.

[''Chris goes on yet another set of swings.'']

: Surfed the Web within my Pleasure.

: Swing with a PS3 store icon: Found a less costly way to get more games and movies.

[''In a non-Freudian move, Sackboy tenaciously clings on the PS3 store icon while Chris babbles.'']

Be sure to check out all individual story pe-- all individual talks, to enjoy whole story of my life with the PlayStation 3. Best choice. Among the consoles. Even lots better than the [[Hex Bawx|Hexbox]].

: And made some new Acquaintances and Friends.

[''Chris grabs a piece that gives him a really fast lift to the platform above. Checkpoint.'']

We will be number two choice. [Shrieks in surprise and terror] LOOK AT THAT! TRIP UP!

[''Chris stands in front of a seemingly impassable wall, confusing the watchers'']

Here's some- did whole bunch of prize bubbles that way, but ''I'm saving time'', so...

[''Sackboy turns other way.'']

: LBP error message: Your profile cannot be saved because it is too large. Try deleting unwanted items from My Pictures, My Objects, My Costumes, or My Levels. [OK]

...let's go this way and finish the level.

[''Chris traverses yet another row of swings. The first is a USB symbol, which is what he's referring to in the next comment he says.'']

: And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise.

Be sure to grab the circle or the arrows so you can grab the microphone.

: Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well.

: And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me.

: Plastaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself.

It's not impossible.

: Higher Definition equals Better Points of View.

Take your time!!!

: Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury.

Or just keep pressing forward.

: Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation.

Life without PlayStation.

: And with Priceless Expierences, an honest sense of satisfaction,

We're talking about life ''with'' PlayStation!

[''Sackboy lands on a set of magnificently disproportionate stairs, and begins mounting them.'']

: PSN message: Gigith achieved a score of 0 on level LBP's First Theme Park PHOTO BOOTH Studio - NOBODY's LV5 (PS3OL)

: And a more mature winning attitude.

Winning att-roo-with trophies.

: PSN message: Gigith achieved a score of 0 on level LBP's First Theme Park PHOTO BOOTH Studio - NOBODY's LV5 (PS3OL)

[''Checkpoint, because Sackboy COULD die horribly in the last minute'']

: Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...

[In an attempt to sound dramatic] PlayStation 3 and Portable are truly a place that I can call...

: PSN message: Gigith achieved a score of 0 on level LBP's First Theme Park PHOTO BOOTH Studio - NOBODY's LV5 (PS3OL)

[''After ruining the dramatics by slowly bouncing up an increasingly irregular and crude set of stairs, Sackboy reaches a ramp and heads up.'']

: My Digital Home. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever

Digital Home. Yayyyyy! PlayStation Home. A digital home. Only on PlayStation 3! Coming soon, hopefully. Thank you Sony. Best upgrade ever.

[''Sackboy reaches the end of the level.'']

: Level complete! 74% items collected. 98% +24 new items. 36849 points. Hi-scores: #1 Sonichu 67,536, #2 Sonichu1 49,210, #3 Sparradox 25,498, GuitarinGuy8 18,644, #5 Iuanfy 5,583

So. Let's win me that crown, please! [Note: The winner of the contest would receive an in-game crown] Heart this level! It's truly fantastic! From the creator of Sonichu and Rosechu. It took me a whole weekend to put this together.

Thank you in advance for hearting my level! And thank you to everyone who have hearted it already. Have a good day!

==See also==
*[[PS3]]
*[[LBP]]
*[[Sony]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Game Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Video games created by Chris]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2008| 24]]
[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

Christian Weston Chandler Interview

2020-12-14T02:26:42Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

[[Image:LetsNotTalkAboutPickles.jpg|thumb|right|"Let's not talk about [[pickles]]."]]

'''An Interview with the Chris-Chan''' was conducted through the [[PSN]] and released to [[YouTube]] on 17 October [[2008]].<ref><s>Date determined from [http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Talk:Chris-chan/Archive10#An_interview ED Chris-chan talk page, Archive10]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> It is the first interview Chris granted since his rise to internet fame.

Notable is Chris's genuine concern that then-candidate [[Barack Obama]], if elected, would paint the White House black, in addition to denying that the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] was destroyed.

We also catch a fleeting glimpse of [[Barb|Snorlax]] in her first ever video appearance. She would not appear on camera again until the leaked release of [[You're Always Pretty]] more than 3 years later.

For a while, this video had become lost media, due to it being removed for "violating YouTube's policy on hate speech" and no known archives of it existing until it was re-uploaded on 26 January 2017.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = An Interview with the Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7SyVrwhgXhk}}
| stardate = 17 [[October 2008]]
| subject = {{Politics|text}}, {{trollsicon|text}}, {{homos|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Blanca|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008]]
| next = [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

'''Interviewer 1:''' So, um, what do you think of [[Barack Obama|Barack]]. Just tell me, please.

'''Chris:''' I just don’t care much for him.

'''Interviewer 1:''' Why, you know, why? Be specific, man. You’re smart.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Yeah, you’re a smart guy.

'''Chris:''' Well…there’s a theory that, uh, if Obama went to the White House he would probably paint it [[black]].

''[DMX's "X Gon' Give It to Ya" plays as a video depicts Obama in front of a black White House, flying a KFC flag with large buckets of KFC over the front lawn.]''

'''Interviewer 1:''' But, why do you think he’s going to pain the White House black. Just, why? I mean it’s like me painting my house green for no damn reason.

'''Interviewer 2:''' It’s cause you like [[pickle|pickles]].

'''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' Can we not talk about pickles, please?

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' Are you aware that people on [[YouTube]] are, uh, claiming that they stole your [[Medallions of Fail#The Sonichu Medallion|medallion]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… It’s on me right now, so there...so, uhh, they're telling [[lies]].

'''Interviewer 2:''' They said something about you made another one and it’s two times bigger like… like, uhh… It's false, isn't it? Because it’s on you, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's mostly… yeah it's mostly false. Yeah.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Mostly false? I mean, what's… what’s not false about it, then?

'''Chris:''' I’d rather not talk about it and don’t worry about it. I mean…I mean they’re just blowing off smoke and uhh…they’re jealous of, ya know, some of my success and what not so it’s just best to ignore them. Don’t worry about them.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Golden. That’s golden.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' Damn, Chris. [[Sonichu]] and, uh, the [[Medallions of Fail#The Jiggliami Medallion|Jiggliami medallion]], I’m just glad they’re all safe, ya know. They… they go me going there when they showed me those medallions. I mean they look exactly like the one you had. Like, I was fooled. Like, this is why I asked you because they were picture-perfect.

'''Chris:''' ''[under his breath]'' Alright, mmm hmm.

'''Interviewer 2:''' So how did, how did that get into his possession, like uhh… you sent it to [[Blanca]] and how did they get it, how did it get to their possession in the first place?

'''Chris:''' They were, they were living nearby her and they just intercepted the mail.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Wow.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' What’s up with the pickles, dude?

'''Chris:''' I hate pickles.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Who is the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man in the pickle suit]]?

''[Significant laughter in the background.]''

'''Chris:''' I don’t know who that guy is and I don’t think I really would care to know.

'''Interviewer 2:''' I mean, there’s actually someone in a pickle suit that you know and you hate him. [''Background laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I don’t know who that person is.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' I’m sorry. I just wanted to ask you, like, what do you, like, do you hate [[Homos|gay people]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

''[Clip of Chris Crocker crying, “you bastard”]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' You hate gay people.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Oh, okay.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Chris:''' Hang on a moment.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Alright.

''[ [[Barb]]ara presumably walks into [[Chris’s room]]. Chris sets his camera down on his bed]]''

'''Chris:''' Hi mom. I’m alright, how are you?

'''Barb:''' It's cold in here... [?]

''[Chris and Barb presumably argue about the air conditioning as the interviewers laugh to themselves]''

'''Barb:''' You got it set way down. Should be 72.

''[mumbling]''

'''Chris:''' I’m talk…I talking to a couple of people on the internet on the [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PlayStation Network]].

'''Barb:''' Okay. I'll visit- excuse you. Turn that AC up.

'''Chris:''' …Well…I’ll consider it. I’ll talk to you later. (picks up his camera) Alright, well, that was my mom. She entered and left.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Yeah, we saw that, Chris.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' Ya know, you’ve got to be a respectable person.

'''Chris:''' Yup.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Yeah. Yup. A person that, uh, you know, we have to be, uh, we have to be, uh, you know, respectable people. We can't be ''pickles''.

''["WTF BOOM" soundclip and footage of a mushroom cloud exploding.]''

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?gjlmgufymom Download]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{FanChats}}
{{PoliticalVideos}}

[[Category:Interview videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2008|2008-10-17]]
[[Category:Lost Media]]

Christian Weston Chandler Interview

2020-12-14T02:15:27Z

Mr3urious: This video has been mirrored on YT since Jan. 2017, which I was able to find by searching the video title and adding "October 2008". You're welcome.

[[Image:LetsNotTalkAboutPickles.jpg|thumb|right|"Let's not talk about [[pickles]]."]]

'''An Interview with the Chris-Chan''' was conducted through the [[PSN]] and released to [[YouTube]] on 17 October [[2008]].<ref><s>Date determined from [http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Talk:Chris-chan/Archive10#An_interview ED Chris-chan talk page, Archive10]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> It is the first interview Chris granted since his rise to internet fame.

Notable is Chris's genuine concern that then-candidate [[Barack Obama]], if elected, would paint the White House black, in addition to denying that the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] was destroyed.

We also catch a fleeting glimpse of [[Barb|Snorlax]] in her first ever video appearance. She would not appear on camera again until the leaked release of [[You're Always Pretty]] more than 3 years later.

For a while, this video had become lost media, due to it being removed for "violating YouTube's policy on hate speech" and no known archives of it existing until it was re-uploaded on 26 January 2017.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = An Interview with the Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7SyVrwhgXhk}}
| stardate = 17 [[October 2008]]
| subject = {{Politics|text}}, {{trollsicon|text}}, {{homos|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Blanca|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008]]
| next = [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

'''Interviewer 1:''' So, um, what do you think of [[Barack Obama|Barack]]. Just tell me, please.

'''Chris:''' I just don’t care much for him.

'''Interviewer 1:''' Why, you know, why? Be specific, man. You’re smart.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Yeah, you’re a smart guy.

'''Chris:''' Well…there’s a theory that, uh, if Obama went to the White House he would probably paint it [[black]].

''[DMX's "X Gon' Give It to Ya" plays as a video depicts Obama in front of a black White House, flying a KFC flag with large buckets of KFC over the front lawn.]''

'''Interviewer 1:''' But, why do you think he’s going to pain the White House black. Just, why? I mean it’s like me painting my house green for no damn reason

'''Interviewer 2:''' It’s cause you like [[pickle|pickles]].

'''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' Can we not talk about pickles, please?

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' Are you aware that people on [[YouTube]] are, uh, claiming that they stole your [[Medallions of Fail#The Sonichu Medallion|medallion]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… It’s on me right now, so there...so, uhh, they're telling [[lies]].

'''Interviewer 2:''' They said something about you made another one and it’s two times bigger like… like, uhh… It's false, isn't it? Because it’s on you, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's mostly… yeah it's mostly false. Yeah.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Mostly false? I mean, what's… what’s not false about it, then?

'''Chris:''' I’d rather not talk about it and don’t worry about it. I mean…I mean they’re just blowing off smoke and uhh…they’re jealous of, ya know, some of my success and what not so it’s just best to ignore them. Don’t worry about them.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Golden. That’s golden.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' Damn, Chris. [[Sonichu]] and, uh, the [[Medallions of Fail#The Jiggliami Medallion|Jiggliami medallion]], I’m just glad they’re all safe, ya know. They… they go me going there when they showed me those medallions. I mean they look exactly like the one you had. Like, I was fooled. Like, this is why I asked you because they were picture-perfect.

'''Chris:''' ''[under his breath]'' Alright, mmm hmm.

'''Interviewer 2:''' So how did, how did that get into his possession, like uhh… you sent it to [[Blanca]] and how did they get it, how did it get to their possession in the first place?

'''Chris:''' They were, they were living nearby her and they just intercepted the mail.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Wow.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' What’s up with the pickles, dude?

'''Chris:''' I hate pickles.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Who is the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man in the pickle suit]]?

''[Significant laughter in the background.]''

'''Chris:''' I don’t know who that guy is and I don’t think I really would care to know.

'''Interviewer 2:''' I mean, there’s actually someone in a pickle suit that you know and you hate him. [''Background laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I don’t know who that person is.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' I’m sorry. I just wanted to ask you, like, what do you, like, do you hate [[Homos|gay people]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

''[Clip of Chris Crocker crying, “you bastard”]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' You hate gay people.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Oh, okay.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Chris:''' Hang on a moment.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Alright.

''[ [[Barb]]ara presumably walks into [[Chris’s room]]. Chris sets his camera down on his bed]]''

'''Chris:''' Hi mom. I’m alright. How are you.

''[Chris and Barb talk as the interviewers laugh to themselves]''

'''Barbara:''' You should be sorry, too.
''[mumbling]''

'''Chris:''' I’m talk…I talking to a couple of people on the internet on the [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PlayStation Network]]…Well…I’ll consider it. I’ll talk to you later. (picks up his camera) Alright, well, that was my mom. She entered and left.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Yeah, we saw that, Chris.

''[Jump cut]''

'''Interviewer 2:''' Ya know, you’ve got to be a respectable person.

'''Chris:''' Yup.

'''Interviewer 2:''' Yeah. Yup. A person that, uh, you know, we have to be, uh, we have to be, uh, you know, respectable people. We can't be ''pickles''.

''["WTF BOOM" soundclip and footage of a mushroom cloud exploding.]''

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?gjlmgufymom Download]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{FanChats}}
{{PoliticalVideos}}

[[Category:Interview videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2008|2008-10-17]]
[[Category:Lost Media]]

Biological clock

2020-12-13T02:56:10Z

Mr3urious:

[[File:FitBit Sept 2020 1.png|thumb|Chris' sleep cycle, 2020]]
'''Biological clock''' is the [[CWC-ism]] that Chris uses to refer to his [[Wikipedia:circadian rhythm|circadian rhythm]] (his sleeping pattern). Although this is technically not an incorrect use of the term, [[Wikipedia:Biological clock|biological clock]] is almost exclusively used to refer to a woman's child-bearing years, so Chris just sounds (even more) stupid when he yammers on about fixing his biological clock. Chris most likely confused the term "internal clock" (which does refer to circadian rhythms) with the term for female child-bearing years. One of Chris's reasons for needing a [[TRUE and HONEST]] [[sweetheart]] is to fix his biological clock. Chris's infatuation with [[Ivy]] can be traced to the fact that she vaguely helped Chris have a normal, set sleeping pattern, as Chris regularly extolled Ivy at length for doing so in the videos he made for her.

He first explained his sleep habits in an edit on his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article:
{{quote|YES, I drink A LOT of Soda from [[My Coke Rewards|Coca-Cola]] to [[Wikipedia:Pepsi|Pepsi]] to [[Wikipedia:Powerade|Powerade]]. I have a lot of stored [[Wikipedia:caffeine|caffeene]] [''sic''] in my energy supply, and not only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking biological clock as well. I sleep from fucking six AM to twelve-fucking-thirty. BIG REASON I need a [[Sweetheart]], so she can help me back on track towards getting back to the morning hours that I used to have during my [[Manchester High School|High School years]]. Fucking [[Adult Swim]](tm) and [[mass debating|random projects]] keep me up all night as well.|Chris, 11 [[2007#November|November 2007]]<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</s></ref> (Note that Powerade is not a soda and contains no caffeine)}}

He is oblivious to the fact that the real reason he used to sleep during the night in high school is that he used to actually have some reason to get up in the morning. Parents (and college students) know that it's common for schoolchildren during the summer to get their sleep patterns messed up because they now can "stay up as late as they want." Since leaving [[PVCC]], Chris has had no job, few friends, and no life outside of [[mass debating]], making up things involving [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], and his [[Love Quest]], allowing him ample free time to stay up all night drinking [[Navy|caffeine]]. Yet, despite never leaving the house (thus negating the purpose of a standard sleep cycle), he seems to think that it's a perfectly valid excuse for not uploading comics on schedule.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #2]]</ref>

Chris's nocturnal habits during much of the [[2000s]] appear to be the primary reason that "Attraction Time" during his [[Love Quest]] occurred in the mid-to-late afternoon, and that his [[Captain's Logs]] were recorded late at night or early in the morning. On 23 [[April 2012]] Chris wrote that "I knew I was gone for too long [from [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]], but my internal clock kept me awake at night... and prohibited me from being a day person",<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#April 23]]</ref> suggesting that his irregular sleep schedule has caused him to be absent from his church for a considerable period of time.

Little about Chris's current daily schedule is known, although in [[Tour of Chris's House III‎‎]] (2018) he claimed to set an alarm every morning for 6 a.m.
==Uses by Chris==
* Chris mentions his biological clock (without explaining what he means) in one of his e-mails to [[Miyamoto Saga|Shigeru Miyamoto]]. This is the first recorded instance of his use of the term.
* For some reason, the biological clock became a major element of Chris's relationship with [[Ivy]]. He thanks her for "fixing" it in [[CWC Update 9 April 2009]], [[A CWC Audition]], and [[Chris Sings Lovin' You]], as well as the bizarre dream-sequence page about their romance in [[Episode 19|Episode #19]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]]. He also mentioned this in his AIM chats with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia userpage]].
* Chris mentioned his broken biological clock during the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], and added that his mother had the same problem at the time.
* On his [[Twitter]] feed, Chris has blamed the biological clock for his odd schedule a couple of times, in [[December 2009]] and [[January 2010]].
* In [[Mailbag 47|Mailbag #47]], Chris talked about his "recent biological clock reset", allowing him to return to a regular update schedule for his comics. This didn't last very long.
* The [[Alec Benson Leary calls]] contain a good deal of biological clock discussion, particularly in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|call #2]] and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|call #3]]. In [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|call #7]], Alec tries to explain to Chris that he's gotten the meaning of the colloquialism "biological clock" completely wrong, but Chris refuses to believe him.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2020-02-02T20:38:31Z

Mr3urious: /* Summary */

[[File:ArtintheArtBooks.jpg|thumb|Chris's folder, with homemade ''Nintendo Power'' visible]]
[[Chris]] made his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The magazine was first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]] and showcased on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]]. It was released to trolls by [[PandaHalo]] on 24 March 2009, along with the other contents of the [[Scrapbook of Fail]].
==Summary==
Chris's creative sterility is on full display here. He imitates a commercial product using [[Chris and Art|the limited tools]] available to him: he creates fake letters, traces promotional art, copies game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycled cheat codes. He even added mock-up Sonichu ads in its later stages. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding extra moves and save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for the underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in ''Mega Man X'' easier to get to, even though the latter series in question prides itself on its difficult gameplay.

Considering the fact that the front cover of this "magazine" shows Sonic dumping Sega and joining [[Nintendo]], it is entirely possible that this helped him shape his idea for the [[Cwcville|world of Sonichu]], featuring both Sega ([[Sonic the Hedgehog]]) and Nintendo ([[Pokemon]]) characters [[Chris and reality|living in the same universe]].

All of his video game ideas are recycled from games that already exist: for instance, ''Sonic 64'' almost completely resembles ''Super Mario 64'' except with more Sonic-orientated abilities, the Sonic SNES collection imitates ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Mega Man X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles boss enemies from previous ''Mega Man'' and ''Mega Man X'' games), which would be outstanding satire on Capcom if Chris were capable of cleverness. Additionally, Chris claims that the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, although this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris also appears to be one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a. "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''"), and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

His tendency to write nothing but wish-fulfillment and [[Chris and his Ego|self-praise]] is much more prominent in the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine#Sonic Start|Player's Pulse]] section, where the fictional ''Nintendo Power'' editor heaps praise on Chris for his creativity and determination to see his dreams come true, [[Miyamoto Saga|invites him to the Nintendo of America office in Washington to watch the development of a Sonic game]], gives him a copy of every Sonic game ever made, and uses his homemade magazine for a real issue of NP with his permission.

==Full Text (spelling and grammatical errors preserved)==

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb]]

===Cover===

[[Chris|CHRISTIAN CHANDLER]]

'''[[Nintendo Power|NINTENDO POWER]]'''

[''Drawing: [[Sonic]] jumps from a Sega Genesis to a [[Nintendo 64]].'']

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS [[Nintendo]]!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. [[Sonic]] [[Tails]], his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[''Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.'']

[''Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a two-dimensional view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D over-the-shoulder view of Sonic on a green background.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[''Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.''] 
[''Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina'']

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a free copy of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[''Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.''] 
[''Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina'']

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[''Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car''.] 
[''Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee'']

[''Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.''] 
[''Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York'']

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[''Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.''] 
[''Caption: Ted Quimby • [[Power Rangers|Angel Grove]], California'']

[''Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[''Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[''Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.'']

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[''Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.'']

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[''Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.'']

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[''Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.''] 
[''Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]].

[Drawing: Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[''Drawing: Tails [[Autism|stands in place and stares dead ahead.]]'']

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[''Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ''Knuckles' Chaotix''-esque ring cord and smirking.'']

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[''Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.'']

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[''Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.'']

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[''Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.'']

Tails flies you anywhere.

[''Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.'']

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[''Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.'']

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[''Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.'']

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[''Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.''] 
[''Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"'']

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb]]

[''Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.'']

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[''Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.'']

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.'']

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[''Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb]]

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.''] 
[''Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.'']

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.''] 
[''Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.'']

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.''] 
[''Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.'']

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[''Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.'']

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.'']

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more [[Autism|colorful]] and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.'']

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[''Drawing: Sonic poses, holding up three terrifying fingers.'']

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[''Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.'']

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[''Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.'']

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb]]

====Optimus Primal====

[''Drawing: Optimus Primal shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left|Silverbolt gets his [[duck]] out.]]

====Rattrap====

[''Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[''Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb]]

====Dinobot====

[''Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[''Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[''Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[''Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[''Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[''Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.'']

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[''Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.'']

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb]]

[''Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.''] 
[''Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!'']

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[''Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.''] 
[''Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!'']

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[''Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.''] 
[''Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[''Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.'']

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[''Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.'']

====SNAKE MAN====

[''Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.'']

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[''Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[''Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.''] 
[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[''Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.'']

====NEON TIGER====

[''Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.''] 
[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

['''Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[''Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.'']

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<s>o</s>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[''Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.'']

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[''Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.''] 
[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[''Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[''Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.''] 
[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[''Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[''Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.''] 
[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[''Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Velguarder.''] 
[''Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.'']

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, [[Chris and writing|spit more fire]], and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robotic ape that somewhat resembles Spark Mandrill.'']

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot [[Niggos|Gorilla]] that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.'']

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[''Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".'']

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[''Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.'']

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[''Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.'']

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.''] 
[''Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!'']

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.''] 
[''Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.'']

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.''] 
[''Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.'']

[''Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.''] 
[''Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!'']

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: '[[Duck|hot dog]]' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[''Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.'']

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO [[Virgin with rage|BEGS]] FOR [[China|PLENTY OF EGGS]].
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A [[Slow-in-the-minds|DUMBO]], GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[''Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.'']

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[''Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.'']

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[''Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.'']

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, [[Barb|Snorlax]], Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| ''Nintendo Power''
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Supplement==
Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''[[Wikipedia:Compilations_in_the_Sonic_series#Sonic_Gems_Collection|Sonic Gems Collection]]''.
[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left]]
===SONICHU's Adventure===
''Zapping to the Extreme on GameCube''
{{-}}
[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb]]
====Single Player Action====
=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Rosechu]] is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''
=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Blachu]] is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''
=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Wild]] is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''
=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Bubbles]] is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''
=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Angelica]] is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''
=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Punchy]] is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''
{{-}}
[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: [[Magi-Chan]] is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: [[Sonichu]] and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be [[Station Square]]. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as [[Zapdos]] tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

Rental House Tour

2019-09-01T18:39:30Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

The '''Rental House Tour''' is the last in the series of events of 31 [[August 2014]], which had begun with the [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]] and had continued with the [[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]. That afternoon, Chris, [[Catherine]], and her cousin Al stopped by the [[Rental House]] to meet [[Barb]] and [[Clover and Snoopy|the beagles]]. Note that every time Catherine sneezes, it's an attempt to prevent Chris from putting his arm around her or kissing her.
[[File:Rental House June 2014.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The rental house.]]

==Summary==
* Chris shows them his [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|Lego version of Manchester High]] and some little figures of [[Catherine]] and himself.
* They find that Chris has a picture of Catherine on his night stand.
* Chris confirms that all of his [[Playstation 3]] [[Video games|games]] have survived the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]].
* Chris shows off his [[High School]] yearbook and talks about each of his [[gal-pals]].
* Chris talks about his [[Clover and Snoopy|dogs]], who are horribly trained and cared for and who go berserk if they see someone they don't recognise.
* Chris and [[Barb]] talk a little about [[Daniel Weston]].
* Barb tells the story about how [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] almost died of an infection.
* Barb explains how they're British royalty.
* The background music, which appears to consist of orchestral versions of [[Beatles]] songs and other 50s/60s hits, lends the entire exchange an air of classic Hollywood melodrama, as if Katharine Hepburn were about to slap someone or burst into tears at any moment.

==Part One==
===Audio===
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Rental House Tour Audio Part One
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ssLj-FCmtss}}
| Stardate = 31 [[August 2014]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Catherine]], Al, [[Barb]], [[Clover and Snoopy]]
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| previous = [[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court|14BC Tour Video]]
| next = Rental House Tour Audio Part One
}}
===Transcript===
====Introductions====

'''Al''': Hey Chris!

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Is it alright if I park right there?

'''Chris''': That’s fine.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': You’re OK. Don’t worry about it.

'''Al''': Damn, this is a…

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you don't wanna get...[?]

'''Al''': Yeah, this is a nice place.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It’s a nice little neighborhood.

'''Chris''': It’s two stories but only about two-thirds of the width.

'''Al''': Yeah. So you’ve been livin’ here since when?

'''Chris''': Eh, since last February.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': [entering house] Hello!

'''Al''': Howdy.

'''Chris''': [[Clover and Snoopy|Hi Snoopy! Hi Clover!]] Hi mom.

'''Al''': Howdy.

'''Barb''': Hi.

'''Chris''': Um, Barbara Anne, this is, this is…

'''Catherine''': Nice to meet you.

'''Chris''': That’s Catherine and her cousin Al.

'''Al''': Glad to meet ya. I’m Big Al.
[[File:Clover and snoopy.jpg|thumb|200px|right|They're a lot fatter now.]]
'''(one or more of the dogs start baying)'''

'''Catherine''': They're lovely, too... [?]

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOOOO!

'''Chris''': Oh…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO!

'''Chris''': Snoopy…

'''Al''': There’s some, yeah they seem a little bit worked up there.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s Snoopy, and that’s Clover.

'''Catherine''': Strangers in their house.

'''Al''': Well howdy Snoopy, howdy Clover.

'''Barb''': They’re part fox.

'''Chris''': Huh huh!

'''Catherine''': They are cute.

'''Al''': Oh, no kiddin’.

'''Catherine''' I love dogs, so (phone rings) I've gotta...

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Dog:''' Bark!

'''Catherine''': Alright, we’ll let you…

'''Al''': Yeah, we’ll let you get to…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOO! AROOOOOO! AROOOOOO!

'''Chris''': …the door.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Ah, thank you.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh, actually and I had also got you a case…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO! AROOOOOOO! AROOOOOOO! AROOO!

[chaos]

'''Al''': OK, OK.

'''Chris''': Anyway, [?].

'''Al''': Don’t bite me!

'''Catherine''': Oh, thank you.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and I…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO!

'''Al''': Hold the last one.

'''Catherine''': I really need. [?]

'''Al''': They seem pretty loud.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they get loud, when there’s new people.

====Touring Chris's playroom====

'''Al''': Aw, cool! Dude, is this your room?

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s my work room.

'''Al''': Can I go in for a moment?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Sure.

'''Dog:''' AROOOOO!

'''Chris''': Hey now, doggies, calm down! That’s good. [To Al]: I had to pretty much prepare for Catherine’s staying over for a while longer at least. I had a second, I had, I made room for a second ''chair''.

'''Al''': So, so what is all this then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty much some random things, but that’s a high school I built based on the one from Heartlake High. I dedicated building that to [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. Took me about a ''month'' to build that.
[[File:Rebuilths3.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's Lego high school as it appeared in the rental house.]]
'''Dog:''' AROOOOO!

'''Al''': Really.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well see Chris, you have, you spent a month to build that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well see, that’s dedication right there.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': With your [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and stuff, you can do the same thing, if you can be dedicated. Like if you can work on that for a month…

'''Chris''': Yeah...

'''Al''': …you can spend a month working on a comic book.

'''Chris''': Yeah. [Wants to change the subject] Anyway, yeah, I built this house on multiple houses. And here’s our minifigs, me and Catherine.

'''Al''': Awww.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I pain-, I painted a kilt on her.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s a [[Lego]] head on a…

'''Al''': Oh, so that’s like the little kilt right there then?

'''Chris''': Uh, it’s like a…

'''Al''': Is that like bubblegum or…?

'''Chris''': That’s denim skirt.

'''Al''': Oh. Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah but, I used paper to make that.

'''Al''': Neat, yeah, and that’s little Catie. What’s that around her neck, is that like a little medallion, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[medallion]]. Uh, on my [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]], I eventually would give them.

'''Al''': Oh. Cool.

'''Chris''': And custom minifigures of the hedgehogs.

'''Al''': So did you make those yourself then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So you seem to have an interest in arts and crafts, then.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': Neat. So what’s…

[Catherine enters]

'''Chris''': [cloying voice] Yeah, that’s you.

'''Catherine''': Is that me? Oh that’s even tinier than I thought. Oh that’s so cute.

'''Chris''': And here, and here I am.

'''Catherine''': Oh, they’re cute. [giggles] That’s so cute. There you go.

'''Al''': [Feigning awe] Dude.

'''Catherine''': Wow, you’ve got a lot of [[Lego]]. I didn’t realize you had that much.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, what, what’s in this case right here, is this…?

'''Chris''': Oh that’s my medicine case. It’s got my [[Chris and health|prescription medicine]]…

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, too bad you’re not staying, we could have watched [[Wikipedia:Gigi (1958 film)|Gigi]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah I’m sorry, we’ve got to get out of here.

====Next stop: the bedroom====

'''Chris''': Yeah. Uh, at least let me show you the uh, my bedroom. It is right there.

'''Catherine''': So, you go right ahead.

'''Al''': So this is sort of like your office, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Here’s where I sleep.

'''Catherine''': Oh it’s a nice room. Wow, it’s a Skylanders.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': There’s a lot, how many…? [counting?]

'''Al''': Catie, can I take a look for a mom-?

'''Catherine''': [joking] No, you can’t.

[Al and Catherine goof around]

[Elevator music starts up]

'''Catherine''': Wow.

'''Al''': Oh you have a nice set up in here, man.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So is this your TV then?

'''Chris''': Uh, that’s, yeah, that’s a 3D TV, from Sony. [[Playstation]].

'''Al''': Dude, you got a lot of PS3 [[Video games|games]]!

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Did these survive [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]], or…?

'''Chris''': Yes, they all did. Every last one.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s fortunate.

'''Al''': Oh that’s good, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh…

'''Al''': So do you have…?

'''Chris''': …do you happen to have an interest in video discs as well?

'''Al''': Dude, those things are so old - do you collect those?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Al''': Have you had those ever since…?

'''Chris''': We had these, we had these a lo-, pretty much all my life.

'''Al''': Oh, Catie, take a look at the night stand there!

'''Chris''': Yeah, this is pretty much our entire collection of…

'''Catherine''': [Slightly horrified] Oh, I didn’t realize you kept my picture on your night stand. Oh wait, I think you did tell me that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You kept my picture on your night stand. That’s so cute...

'''Al''': So what game system do you got, is that, uh, Sega…?

'''Chris''': Sega Dreamcast.

'''Catherine''': Oh I remember that…

'''Al''': And who’s that?

'''Chris''': That’s [[Robert Chandler|my father]].

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': That’s Mr. C right there.

'''Al''': So you keep that there too?

'''Chris''': That’s Catherine and Mr. C.

'''Catherine''': Do you think he would approve of me?

'''Chris''': How do you feel?

'''Catherine''': I like to think so.

'''Chris''': And that, then I think he does.

'''Catherine''': He see-, he seems a little bit… interested in your best program here. [?]

====High school reminisces====

[music swells]

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah. Yeah that’s uh, I ended up with two copies of the senior yearbook.

'''Al''': Why two copies?

'''Chris''': Uh, uh, I think it’s because, uh, well, wound up, separate purchases, I think.

'''Al''': Oh. So somebody like, filled out a form wrong or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think so.

'''Al''': So who were your [[gal-pals]] then, that you were talking about in high school? Were they, are they in here, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, they’re in, they’re in there, mostly, uh…

'''Al''': Now did this get water damaged during the fire?

'''Chris''': Um…

'''Catherine''': Put in the fire.

'''Al''': It seems like the pages are a little bit wrinkled, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, I think that one did get some water damage.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': You might have better luck with this copy which is only smoke-damaged.

'''Al''': Yeah. Did they, so the insurance company, are they compensating you for all this damage? Cuz like…

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': …when stuff like this gets damaged, it’s priceless, you know? I mean…

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh yeah, I bookmarked the beginning of the ''senior'' section there.

'''Al''': Aw, did they, did they sign your yearbook at all?

'''Chris''': Um…Oh I might not have thought about it.

'''Al''': Yeah, there’s some people…

'''Chris''': Yeah plus we didn’t, I don’t think we got these yearbooks till ''after'' [[graduation]].

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s unusual.

'''Al''': Oh that sucks.

'''Catherine''': So where are you in here?

'''Al''': Which one is your gal-pal then?

'''Chris''': Um, there’s a number of them, uh let’s see, [flipping through yearbook]…There I am.
[[File:ChrisChanY2K.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's yearbook photo.]]
'''Catherine''': Oh, there we go.

'''Al''': Oh!

'''Catherine''': In a little tuxedo.

'''Al''': Yeah see, I like it man, you look very…

'''Catherine''': Very smart.

'''Al''': You know, you know what you remind me of there?

'''Chris''': Who?

'''Al''': You should, you should, you know like Frank Sinatra, one of those old singers.

'''Chris''': Oh, [[Chris and music|I like Frank Sinatra]].

'''Al''': That, that would go on stage, and he’d talk, and the smooth voice and he’d talk to the ladies…

'''Chris''': [takes on persona] Good evening ladies and gentlemen!

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah!

'''Chris''': We’ve really got a big show for you tonight!

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah, like from one of those, uh, old black-and-white movies, you know? But yeah, you look smooth and classy, man.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh uh, [[Kellie Andes]], uh, was my high school s-, sweetheart that I fell in big like with…

'''Al''': So, so which one is she?

'''Chris''': [spelling] A…A L E, um, yeah.

'''Al''': This says Kellie Lynn Andes right there.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah.

'''Al''': Oh, that one?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Can I have a look?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Oh, she’s very pretty.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well not as pretty as you, right Catie? Right Chris?

'''Chris''': No, she’s…

'''Catherine''': [laughs] Did you just call him Catie?

'''Chris''': [chuckles]

'''Al''': Oh I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

'''Catherine''': I have to sneeze again, sorry.

'''Al''': I’m a little big dyslexic myself. Sometimes I mix up words and stuff.

'''Chris''': Uh, well.

'''Al''': I say something when I mean to say something else. So.

'''Catherine''': [Sneezes] Excuse me.

'''Chris''': [spelling] C B B…

'''Catherine''': Must have caught a cold on the plane.

'''Chris''': Oh I hope not.

'''Catherine''': It happens all the time. Every time you travel.

'''Chris''': [browsing] Oh and, it's B E V... … Oh shoot, [trails off]. Oh, Sarah Bev-, [[Gal pal#Sarah Anne Bevel|Sarah Bevel]].

'''Al''': Oh that, that one right there.

'''Catherine''': Oh she’s very pretty too.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You have lots of pretty friends, haven’t you?

'''Chris''': [Smugly] Eh, yeah.

'''Al''': Dude, you gotta go back to whatever it was you were doing back then, you got all the girls. Well I mean you have Catie now, so I mean…

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’d rather, I’d rather stick with a winner.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It’s good to be a winner, I think?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Hm, G O… Tiff-, there she is. [[Tiffany Gowen]].

'''Al''': Yeah right there, the blonde at the bottom...

'''Catherine''': She looks a little bit like, em, Cameron Diaz.

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think it’s the hair, but she does look a little bit like Cameron Diaz.

'''Al''': Do you have any [[JERKS|guys]] that you hung out with back in high school, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh,…

'''Catherine''': Or was it mostly girls?

'''Chris''': Not, not, it was mostly girls.

'''Al''': Mostly girls?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I did have, uh, [[Joseph Herring|one]], um, uh, I hung out with in my freshman year when I was vars-, when I was, uh, co-water boy/manager of the [[Manchester High School#Go Lancers!|varsity basketball team]].

'''Al''': So wait, you were manager of the basketball team?

'''Chris''': Yeah, varsity.

'''Al''': That’s pretty cool.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Al''': Hey, is this the bathroom?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah, you mind if I take a leak real quick?

'''Chris''': Go ahead.

'''Al''': Yeah, hey Catie, I’ll get here and then I’ll go downstairs and join up with you guys, so.

'''Catherine''': Alright.

'''Al''': I’ll be out in just a minute.

==Part Two==
===Audio===

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Rental House Tour Audio Part Two
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|pepLdYwk3Wk}}
| Stardate = 31 [[August 2014]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Catherine]], Al, [[Barb]], [[Clover and Snoopy]]
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| previous = Rental House Tour Audio Part One
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
====Chatting with Barb====

[toilet flushes]

[sink runs]

[door squeaks open]

[20th Century orchestral music is heard]

'''Al''': Hello.

'''Catherine''': [Oh watch?]

'''Al''': Oh, are they gonna eat me alive now, or…?

'''Chris''': [unintelligible] he wants to buy a bunch of ours.

'''Al''': Yeah, the uh, vinyl records y’all got, I collect them, so.

'''Barb''': You can go through 'em.

'''Al''': Sure.

'''Catherine''': ...'Cuz I know you loved your records.

'''Barb''': Right now they’re all in a tractor-trailer.

'''Al''': In a tractor-trailer?

'''Chris''': Not really, no, they’re in a storage unit or downstairs.

'''Barb''': They’re not downstairs.

'''Chris''': Oh, oh.

'''Barb''': I put ‘em on a tractor-trailer.

'''Chris''': Oh, OK, well I guess, when the Rainbow cleaners, some of them got taken to their facility. Well not all of them, there was a bunch of them at the s-, at the unit.

'''Barb''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': At your storage unit?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Oh, OK.

'''Chris''': [to dog] Oh, hi baby girl. He’s a kisser. [baby voice] He likes to kiss.

'''Catherine''': They’re so cute. I’m sure they’ll get used to me eventually.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': They just don’t know who I am or why I’m in their house!

'''Chris''': Snoopy, Clover, that’s Catherine. Catie. You saw her picture?

'''Catherine''': [giggles] You showed your dogs my picture? That’s so cute.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': They like the picture or what, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh well, they sniffed it. They smell everything.

'''Catherine''': That's the ticket.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they got, we got separate to pee and poo on the paper.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, try not…

'''Chris''': On the black thing.

'''Catherine''': …to stand on it.

'''Al''': Yeah. They what? Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense then, on the paper…

'''Catherine''': Try not to stand on it or anything.

'''Barb''': It’s, it’s awfully inconvenient to take them outside and have to pick it up.

'''Al''': Yeah. Yeah.

'''Barb''': I’d rather have it inside, to pick it up.

'''Al''': Oh yeah, and then it’s closer so you can clean it up without going as far away.

'''Barb''': I’m 72 years old, and I don’t.

'''Catherine''': Fair enough.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You’ve worked enough in your life, so…

'''Chris''': Yeah. I told, I told mom about, uh, how you have a lot of interesting stories from your travels in the European Brish - British areas.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Hey mother, tell her, tell her something about the Weston name. Or some of it.

'''Barb''': 400 years ago, the king declared the name [[Daniel Weston|Weston]], W-E-S-T-O-N, not I-N or E-N, but O-N, to be part of England’s [[Anne Boleyn|royalty]] forever.

'''Catherine''': That’s interesting.

'''Barb''': So Christian…

'''Catherine''': There’s a lot of uh, there’s a lot of names like that in England, and um… Well you go, you go back through the um, the old records and stuff and you see…

'''Barb''': Well my cousin…

'''Catherine''': …lordships, and you see…

'''Barb''': Well my cousin was the one that put together a pilgrimage…

'''Catherine''': Wow. That’s a piece of history right there.

'''Al''': It certainly seems, Christian seems like a pretty good son. He was talking about how he helps you out around the house and all, and such.

'''Barb''': Oh my gosh.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I couldn’t, I couldn’t survive without him.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well I hope he takes care of Catie just as well. So.

'''Chris''': I’m pretty sur-, I’m fairly confident I will. I had practice.

'''Barb''': [cackles] He’s had a lot of practice. His father died three years ago.

[Music actually switches to a sadder tone]

'''Catherine''': I know. We heard. I’m terribly sorry.

'''Al''': Yeah. Sorry. I apologize for your loss. That’s gotta suck. So.

'''Barb''': Yeah. Yeah you, you never get over it.

'''Catherine''': Not really, no.

'''Barb''': My sister and…[?] um, her husband…

'''Chris''': Yes, yeah, [[Minor Family Members#Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom|Harriet and Tom]].

'''Barb''': …had to have surgery on this area.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that’s terrible. Oh, poor doggie.

'''Barb''': He has a growth that’s blocking the flow of whatever fluids, and as a result, it’s causing constant infection.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s awful.

'''Al''': Sounds awful.

'''Barb''': So, he’s gonna get operated on at the end of September.

'''Al''': In September?

'''Barb''': I, I wonder if it’s life-threatening, cause this area here…

'''Chris''': They didn’t mention that.

'''Barb''': …there’s a hole in the brain right there.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s…

'''Al''': A hole in the brain?

'''Barb''': There’s a hole that goes right in the brain. My oldest son, um…

'''Chris''': [[Cole]].

'''Barb''': …almost died from a sinus infection, in California…

'''Chris''': I didn’t hear this one.

'''Catherine''': Oh my goodness.

'''Barb''': …shortly after he went out there to college. He - he had a sinus infection.

'''Catherine''': That’s awful.

'''Barb''': And he couldn’t - couldn’t shake it.

'''Catherine''': I’m so sorry.

'''Barb''': He um - so he went to the doctor, and the doctor said "you’re just in time".

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Barb''': For a few hours. He wouldn’t’ve made it a few hours... [?]

'''Catherine''': Wow. That was…let’s see…

'''Barb''': That’s when I really learned…

'''Catherine''': …when he first went to college, so he would, he would have been about eighteen, nineteen?

'''Barb''': Yeah, he was about nineteen.

'''Catherine''': I don’t, I have no idea how old he is now, so I don’t know how long ago that would have been.

'''Barb''': He’s, yeah he was born in ’63.

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Barb''': And Christian was born in ’82.

'''Chris''': Uh, 40, 51.

'''Barb''': ’82. I bought mailbox numbers 63 and 82.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Al''': Oh!

'''Barb''': I had trouble, I had trouble remembering it and I started…

'''Al''': Well that’s a good trick.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s handy.

'''Chris''': Yeah, we like number games as well as word games.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s lovely.

'''Chris''': Yeah, hey, tell ‘em your anniversary date. Or wedding.

'''Barb''': 6-7-80.

'''Catherine''': 6-7-80, that’s easy to remember.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': My husband and I got married, we were married 31 years.

'''Catherine''': That’s a long while.

'''Barb''': And um, two months after we were married, he had triple bypasses, and the doctors told me that he would not have lived two more weeks.

'''Catherine''': Wow.

'''Barb''': If he hadn’t had…and if he hadn’t had married me he’d never’ve known.

'''Catherine''': Cause you made him go to the doctor.

'''Barb''': It was very suddenly. Because he was, uh, an engineer at GE and he did hard core negotiating to sell their products.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': To sell their products. So.

'''Catherine''': (to Snoopy) Oh, I'm not me. Do you want to smell me?

'''Barb''': It wasn’t easy…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO!

'''Chris''': Snoopy, calm down.

'''Catherine''' Alright, fair enough.

'''Chris''': Calm down, little boy, calm down. I think they’re probably easier if uh, if I was sitting down.

'''Al''': Yeah, I don’t know if we have much room here.

'''Chris''': It was…

'''Catherine''': We can’t stay too terribly long.

'''Al''': Yeah we’re gonna head out in a few minutes anyways, so…

====The fire and its consequences====

'''Barb''': The couch belongs to the dogs. They saved us from the fire.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, Christian said they woke you up.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they woke me up, then I woke her up.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I got, I burned both feet, because I didn’t have any shoes on.

'''Al''': You had to walk through the fire then?

'''Barb''': Well I had to extinguish it, try to put it out, and what happened was, uh…

'''Chris''': More over on... [?]

'''Barb''': The flecks from the... insulation... in the wall.

'''Al''': The flecks from the insul-, like, they were drop-, pieces of insulation were dropping down?

'''Barb''': Yes.

'''Al''': And they burnt you on the foot?

'''Barb''': I on the bottom, I stepped on them.

'''Chris''': Um, well OK, I didn’t hear that. I thought, I thought the worst damage to your feet was from you had to walk all over that wet grass cause it was raining that morning.

'''Barb''': Well I didn’t know that I had damaged my feet…

'''Chris''': Oh. [stress sigh]

'''Barb''': …until later.

'''Al''': So you saw the fire, you grabbed an extinguisher, you’re lucky you had one on hand.

'''Barb''': He grabbed an extinguisher, pulled the thing out, and handed it to me.

'''Chris''': I remember from training, you know, you pull the pin first.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': And then you handed it off to your mum.

'''Al''': Sounds like you were both pretty brave to fight the fire like that.

'''Barb''': We didn’t have any choice. I had to hold, I was able to hold it just long enough for him to get his head together, take the dogs and the cat, and uh, we got out.

'''Chris''': Actually our cat [[Chandler Cats#Lucy|Lucy]] came to us. She was upstairs.

'''Barb''': Was she?

'''Chris''': Yeah, you remember, she came downstairs and met us, and then she ran out of [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] with us.

'''Barb''': That’s right, she did.

'''Chris''': Yeah I put the leads on the dogs.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You’re all very lucky to have gotten out of that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’m so sorry for your loss.

'''Barb''': That’s OK, it hasn’t been totally bad.

'''Al''': Things happen, life happens, you know?

'''Barb''': I think for a reason.

'''Al''': You just get through it, so.

'''Barb''': I think for a reason.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Yeah, we’ve learned a lot. [Laughs] Yeah, we did some hardcore negotiating, with uh, State Farm.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Excuse me just a moment.

'''Al''': Uh yeah, sorry. Yep, yep, get through there…

'''Catherine''': …in your way.

'''Al''': Hard core negotiating, what, they didn’t wanna pay out or somethin’, or…?

'''Barb''': They don’t…the adjustor is a woman, and she hates the ground I walk on. She dislikes me terribly, cause I’m too old and too smart. See I’m not the typical 72-year-old woman.

====Barb and Catie talk sewing====

'''Chris''': Yeah I’ll just remember it and I’ll save it.

'''Al''': Um…

'''Catherine''': He uses that for work. Pretty much.

'''Al''': Yeah, that’s mostly a work phone, I wouldn’t want people, but you can contact me through Catie.

'''Chris''': OK.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. It's- it's- we’re always in touch.

'''Chris''': OK, so you know I should contact him on the inquir- inquiry about the records.

'''Catherine''': Uh, you can al- you can always let me know and I’ll pass the message.

'''Barb''': I appreciate you driving her there.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': That was a good security move.

'''Al''': Well her phone, [Catherine: “Car.”] her car broke down, so there was hardly any choice, I was the only guy who could, so.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, so.

'''Al''': But yeah.

'''Barb''': Well, it was good security.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah everything…

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah, I mean, I didn’t, I didn’t know Christian or anything, I hadn’t met you all at all, and they were talkin’ pretty serious, like it seemed, so I thought I would get to know your family as well, cause if these two were gonna get hitched, it’s gonna be one family, so.

'''Barb''': You’re just as beautiful as he said.

'''Catherine''': Oh thank you. You’re very sweet.

'''Al''': Yeah, so.

'''Barb''': Yeah, you are. You are.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Barb''': I understand you sew a little bit?

'''Catherine''': A little bit, not very much. Um, basically just enough to put, like, a button on my shirt, or, or um, like, stitch up my pants.

'''Barb''': I have a trainload of [felt?].

'''Catherine''': Oh, I’m terribly sorry.

'''Chris''': Well, [drowned out]

'''Al''': Christian said you used to sew, or you sew occasionally…?

'''Barb''': I used to. I’m, I’m going to, after I get settled back in the house.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I’m gonna start designing and sewing.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Chris''': Yeah. I told, I told her about the A-skirts you put together.

'''Catherine''': Oh yeah, you can make an A-line skirt out of an old pair of jeans. You just cut um, you, you rip the side, the seams in the middle, and then you use the leg to cut it off about here, and you use the legs to make the panels.

'''Chris''': It's easy to do.

'''Catherine''': And it works very well. It’s very easy. It’s just you need a sewing machine to do it.

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But you could sew it by hand, but it takes ages.

'''Chris''': Hm. [Bizarrely inflected] She can sew more than a '''button'''.

'''Al''': Yeah. Alright.

'''Catherine''': Well, I mean…

'''Barb''': I taught my oldest son to sew, when he was growing up.

'''Catherine''': My roommate knits. My roommate is from Texas and he knits.

'''Barb''': Every, every boy needs to know how to sew and how to cook.

'''Catherine''': Exactly. Cause you’re not gonna have a woman all the time. Makes you self-sufficient.

'''Barb''': Hey, what if a woman can't cook for kids, so…

'''Catherine''': Exactly.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': [?]

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

====Barb's family heritage====

'''Barb''': In my family, I was the, I was number one as far as, there were eight children, five girls, and uh, um…

'''Al''': You were the eldest? You had to take care of the rest?

'''Barb''': I was five, number five of eight.

'''Al''': Ah.

'''Catherine''': Oh, so you were almost in the middle.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Yeah, I had a, I had a good spot.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Barb''': I had to fight both ways.

'''Catherine''': [Laughs]

'''Barb''': I had to change diapers both ways. [Laughs]

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Well I had two sisters and a brother younger than me. I have s- one [[Minor Family Members#Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom|sister]] and [[Minor Family Members#Uncle Raymond|brother]] still with us, and it’s nice. I just talked to her last night.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well I think I uh, told Catie about how Barbara Anne wanted to be an English teacher...? Enjoyed some English literature I think?

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Yeah, I enjoy literature.

'''Chris''': Yeah. She likes a lot of Shakespe'''ah'''.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I do like Shakespeare.

'''Chris''': She also enjoys The Tudors, uh, HBO program through Netflix, all about King Henry VIII.

'''Barb''': Oh, Henry VIII. [[Anne Boleyn]], his wife…

'''Catherine''': One of, yeah, one of six.

'''Barb''': Well, she couldn’t produce a boy.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Barb''': So he killed her.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': But he drummed up all these excuses that the maids helped him to put together.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. Well he was the king, he could say whatever he wanted about anybody, and they wouldn’t dare say no, it’s not right. So.

'''Barb''': Yeah. He was just a murderer.

'''Catherine''': Mm. A little bit.

'''Barb''': The first, the first Queen Elizabeth was her daughter.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That was uh, the last of the Tudors.

'''Barb''': We’re blood kin to them. I suppose we got blood kin to every Wes-, blood Weston in the world.

'''Catherine''': That would be an interesting thing to research, like go through old records and things like that, and actually draw a line and be able to say, this is exactly where that went.

'''Chris''': I still don’t know the missing link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn.

'''Catherine''': Well Weston’s not exactly an uncommon name in Britain. I mean it’s not super-common, it’s not like Smith or anything, but there are a lot of people with that name.

'''Barb''': I suppose there are. There are.

'''Chris''': Oh, and I uh…

'''Barb''': You’ve done a lot of important things in the, 400...

'''Catherine''': 400 odd years, yeah, done a lot of things and made a lot of children.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, in our thinking ahead, I did mention to her that uh, I promised you [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|our first daughter]] would have the middle name Weston.

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': So to continue that tradition. And royalty.

'''Barb''': [?]

'''Catherine''': It does.

'''Barb''': So, you’re part Scottish?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, on my mother’s side. My mom’s Scottish and my dad’s Italian.

'''Barb''': Our biggest [?] combination.

'''Catherine''': It’s an interesting one.

'''Barb''': Yeah, it is.

====Time to go====

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOOO.

'''Chris''': Ah, Snoopy, calm down.

'''Barb''': Calm down. [Laughs]

'''Chris''': Yeah. They’re visiting right now, but I’m thinking she’ll be good more often.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And y’all can get to know her, and I, they let me sit between them and hug them.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s nice.

'''Chris''': They’re so sweet like, they’re so sweet like that, in other ways.

'''Barb''': Yeah, they’re good dogs, they really are.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': They’re very, very protective.

'''Catherine''': Beagles usually are. They’re very, they like their families. They like to be very protective of their... Their pack.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well anyway, uh, I, I’m Catie’s ride, and I got some stuff to do, so…

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So probably should be heading out, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Nice meeting you.

'''Barb''': Nice meeting you too.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I look forward to seeing you again.

'''Catherine''': Certainly.

'''Al''': Yeah. And that, and this is like, we just went out to eat, and we just dropped in unannounced, and we don’t wanna, yeah we won’t take up too much, too much time. Good meeting you, Mrs. Chandler.

'''Chris''': Partially, partially, partially unannounced, because I had thought about bringing ''her'' over here anyway.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': At least to meet her, and, you know, watch Gigi, but we couldn’t do that, [Catherine sneezes.] cause um, cause your car’s in the shop. Oh bless you.

'''Catherine''': Excuse me. Thank you. I must, I must have caught cold on the plane.

'''Chris''': I hope not.

'''Catherine''': It happens to me every time I fly. You’ve got 200-odd people in one little little tiny plane for about an hour.

'''Barb''': Is it a long flight?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I have to fly to Chicago, and then catch another flight, so.

'''Chris''': Well cool, I’ll…

'''Barb''': [something about Cole] ...I took him to San Francisco, California when he was about seven years old.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. That’s a long flight. I think that’s about, what is that, five hours?

'''Barb''': I don’t quite remember [?] [Laughs]

'''Catherine''': Yeah, but it’s a long flight.

'''Barb''': It was painful. It was painful.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. You get stuck in an airplane, you get all that air recycled. There’s somebody gets sick, it happens to me all the time.

'''Barb''': Yeah it does.

'''Catherine''': I’ll probably be fine in a few days.

'''Chris''': If not there’s always chicken noodle soup.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, definitely.

'''Chris''': They like chicken noodle soup. They’ve had some! [baby voice] Chicken noodle soup. Wasn’t that good, doggies? Yeah.

'''Barb''': Anything with chicken in it…. Well, we’ll let you go now.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Alright, thank you for, thank you for your hospitality.

'''Al''': Yep. Nice place. Nice place y'all got here, so.

'''Catherine''': [unintelligible] over there.

'''Chris''': OK, well hey, um, Catherine, before you go…

'''Catherine''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': I wanted to let you know: What am I doing in a place like this? Waiting for the most honest, true, and awesome woman to come around in my life.

'''Catherine''': Oh my god, you’re so sweet!

'''Chris''': I’ve had that, I’ve had, I had that in my head for the long time since I’ve…

'''Catherine''': I’ve got to sneeze again. Sorry. No I don't.

'''Chris''': [chuckles]

'''Catherine''': It went back into my forehead.

'''Al''': I hate it when it’s like you’re like 90% ready for sneezing and…

'''Chris''': I’m so glad this is working out very well.

'''Catherine''': Me too. Sorry, we’ve got to get going or I need to, I need to get my things back.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Chris''': OK.

'''Al''': Hey Chris, we’ll both be pretty busy, but you and Catie can talk over the internet and we’ll see if we can work something out.

'''Catherine''': You’ve got my number now, we can text all you like.

'''Chris''': You know where to phone me, yes?

'''Al''': Yeah, we’ll see if we can work something out over the next couple weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Maybe meet up again.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Hopefully, uh, Catie, you know where we are, you can come over yourself if you feel like it.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, well I would let you know, obviously. I wouldn’t just turn up, that would be so rude.

'''Al''': Yeah, OK. Yeah, anyway, yeah, we wouldn’t want to interrupt nothin’. Nothin’ like that.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s understandable.

'''Al''': Yeah. OK, well it was nice meet- [audio cuts off]

==External Links==
*[https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/16op1Mxtq7rDMXQfI4rEgsmJNSthJHYxH?usp=sharing Download the audio here.]

[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

Rental House Tour

2019-09-01T18:03:17Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

The '''Rental House Tour''' is the last in the series of events of 31 [[August 2014]], which had begun with the [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]] and had continued with the [[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]. That afternoon, Chris, [[Catherine]], and her cousin Al stopped by the [[Rental House]] to meet [[Barb]] and [[Clover and Snoopy|the beagles]]. Note that every time Catherine sneezes, it's an attempt to prevent Chris from putting his arm around her or kissing her.
[[File:Rental House June 2014.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The rental house.]]

==Summary==
* Chris shows them his [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|Lego version of Manchester High]] and some little figures of [[Catherine]] and himself.
* They find that Chris has a picture of Catherine on his night stand.
* Chris confirms that all of his [[Playstation 3]] [[Video games|games]] have survived the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]].
* Chris shows off his [[High School]] yearbook and talks about each of his [[gal-pals]].
* Chris talks about his [[Clover and Snoopy|dogs]], who are horribly trained and cared for and who go berserk if they see someone they don't recognise.
* Chris and [[Barb]] talk a little about [[Daniel Weston]].
* Barb tells the story about how [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] almost died of an infection.
* Barb explains how they're British royalty.
* The background music, which appears to consist of orchestral versions of [[Beatles]] songs and other 50s/60s hits, lends the entire exchange an air of classic Hollywood melodrama, as if Katharine Hepburn were about to slap someone or burst into tears at any moment.

==Part One==
===Audio===
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Rental House Tour Audio Part One
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|ssLj-FCmtss}}
| Stardate = 31 [[August 2014]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Catherine]], Al, [[Barb]], [[Clover and Snoopy]]
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| previous = [[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court|14BC Tour Video]]
| next = Rental House Tour Audio Part One
}}
===Transcript===
====Introductions====

'''Al''': Hey Chris!

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Is it alright if I park right there?

'''Chris''': That’s fine.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': You’re OK. Don’t worry about it.

'''Al''': Damn, this is a…

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you don't wanna get...[?]

'''Al''': Yeah, this is a nice place.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It’s a nice little neighborhood.

'''Chris''': It’s two stories but only about two-thirds of the width.

'''Al''': Yeah. So you’ve been livin’ here since when?

'''Chris''': Eh, since last February.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': [entering house] Hello!

'''Al''': Howdy.

'''Chris''': [[Clover and Snoopy|Hi Snoopy! Hi Clover!]] Hi mom.

'''Al''': Howdy.

'''Barb''': Hi.

'''Chris''': Um, Barbara Anne, this is, this is…

'''Catherine''': Nice to meet you.

'''Chris''': That’s Catherine and her cousin Al.

'''Al''': Glad to meet ya. I’m Big Al.
[[File:Clover and snoopy.jpg|thumb|200px|right|They're a lot fatter now.]]
'''(one or more of the dogs start baying)'''

'''Catherine''': They're lovely, too... [?]

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOOOO!

'''Chris''': Oh…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO!

'''Chris''': Snoopy…

'''Al''': There’s some, yeah they seem a little bit worked up there.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s Snoopy, and that’s Clover.

'''Catherine''': Strangers in their house.

'''Al''': Well howdy Snoopy, howdy Clover.

'''Barb''': They’re part fox.

'''Chris''': Huh huh!

'''Catherine''': They are cute.

'''Al''': Oh, no kiddin’.

'''Catherine''' I love dogs, so (phone rings) I've gotta...

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Dog:''' Bark!

'''Catherine''': Alright, we’ll let you…

'''Al''': Yeah, we’ll let you get to…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOO! AROOOOOO! AROOOOOO!

'''Chris''': …the door.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Ah, thank you.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh, actually and I had also got you a case…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO! AROOOOOOO! AROOOOOOO! AROOO!

[chaos]

'''Al''': OK, OK.

'''Chris''': Anyway, [?].

'''Al''': Don’t bite me!

'''Catherine''': Oh, thank you.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and I…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO!

'''Al''': Hold the last one.

'''Catherine''': I really need. [?]

'''Al''': They seem pretty loud.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they get loud, when there’s new people.

====Touring Chris's playroom====

'''Al''': Aw, cool! Dude, is this your room?

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s my work room.

'''Al''': Can I go in for a moment?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Sure.

'''Dog:''' AROOOOO!

'''Chris''': Hey now, doggies, calm down! That’s good. [To Al]: I had to pretty much prepare for Catherine’s staying over for a while longer at least. I had a second, I had, I made room for a second ''chair''.

'''Al''': So, so what is all this then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty much some random things, but that’s a high school I built based on the one from Heartlake High. I dedicated building that to [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. Took me about a ''month'' to build that.
[[File:Rebuilths3.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's Lego high school as it appeared in the rental house.]]
'''Dog:''' AROOOOO!

'''Al''': Really.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well see Chris, you have, you spent a month to build that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well see, that’s dedication right there.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': With your [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and stuff, you can do the same thing, if you can be dedicated. Like if you can work on that for a month…

'''Chris''': Yeah...

'''Al''': …you can spend a month working on a comic book.

'''Chris''': Yeah. [Wants to change the subject] Anyway, yeah, I built this house on multiple houses. And here’s our minifigs, me and Catherine.

'''Al''': Awww.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I pain-, I painted a kilt on her.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s a [[Lego]] head on a…

'''Al''': Oh, so that’s like the little kilt right there then?

'''Chris''': Uh, it’s like a…

'''Al''': Is that like bubblegum or…?

'''Chris''': That’s denim skirt.

'''Al''': Oh. Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah but, I used paper to make that.

'''Al''': Neat, yeah, and that’s little Catie. What’s that around her neck, is that like a little medallion, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[medallion]]. Uh, on my [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]], I eventually would give them.

'''Al''': Oh. Cool.

'''Chris''': And custom minifigures of the hedgehogs.

'''Al''': So did you make those yourself then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So you seem to have an interest in arts and crafts, then.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': Neat. So what’s…

[Catherine enters]

'''Chris''': [cloying voice] Yeah, that’s you.

'''Catherine''': Is that me? Oh that’s even tinier than I thought. Oh that’s so cute.

'''Chris''': And here, and here I am.

'''Catherine''': Oh, they’re cute. [giggles] That’s so cute. There you go.

'''Al''': [Feigning awe] Dude.

'''Catherine''': Wow, you’ve got a lot of [[Lego]]. I didn’t realize you had that much.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, what, what’s in this case right here, is this…?

'''Chris''': Oh that’s my medicine case. It’s got my [[Chris and health|prescription medicine]]…

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, too bad you’re not staying, we could have watched [[Wikipedia:Gigi (1958 film)|Gigi]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah I’m sorry, we’ve got to get out of here.

====Next stop: the bedroom====

'''Chris''': Yeah. Uh, at least let me show you the uh, my bedroom. It is right there.

'''Catherine''': So, you go right ahead.

'''Al''': So this is sort of like your office, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Here’s where I sleep.

'''Catherine''': Oh it’s a nice room. Wow, it’s a Skylanders.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': There’s a lot, how many…? [counting?]

'''Al''': Catie, can I take a look for a mom-?

'''Catherine''': [joking] No, you can’t.

[Al and Catherine goof around]

[Elevator music starts up]

'''Catherine''': Wow.

'''Al''': Oh you have a nice set up in here, man.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So is this your TV then?

'''Chris''': Uh, that’s, yeah, that’s a 3D TV, from Sony. [[Playstation]].

'''Al''': Dude, you got a lot of PS3 [[Video games|games]]!

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Did these survive [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]], or…?

'''Chris''': Yes, they all did. Every last one.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s fortunate.

'''Al''': Oh that’s good, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh…

'''Al''': So do you have…?

'''Chris''': …do you happen to have an interest in video discs as well?

'''Al''': Dude, those things are so old - do you collect those?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Al''': Have you had those ever since…?

'''Chris''': We had these, we had these a lo-, pretty much all my life.

'''Al''': Oh, Catie, take a look at the night stand there!

'''Chris''': Yeah, this is pretty much our entire collection of…

'''Catherine''': [Slightly horrified] Oh, I didn’t realize you kept my picture on your night stand. Oh wait, I think you did tell me that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You kept my picture on your night stand. That’s so cute...

'''Al''': So what game system do you got, is that, uh, Sega…?

'''Chris''': Sega Dreamcast.

'''Catherine''': Oh I remember that…

'''Al''': And who’s that?

'''Chris''': That’s [[Robert Chandler|my father]].

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': That’s Mr. C right there.

'''Al''': So you keep that there too?

'''Chris''': That’s Catherine and Mr. C.

'''Catherine''': Do you think he would approve of me?

'''Chris''': How do you feel?

'''Catherine''': I like to think so.

'''Chris''': And that, then I think he does.

'''Catherine''': He see-, he seems a little bit… interested in your best program here. [?]

====High school reminisces====

[music swells]

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah. Yeah that’s uh, I ended up with two copies of the senior yearbook.

'''Al''': Why two copies?

'''Chris''': Uh, uh, I think it’s because, uh, well, wound up, separate purchases, I think.

'''Al''': Oh. So somebody like, filled out a form wrong or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think so.

'''Al''': So who were your [[gal-pals]] then, that you were talking about in high school? Were they, are they in here, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, they’re in, they’re in there, mostly, uh…

'''Al''': Now did this get water damaged during the fire?

'''Chris''': Um…

'''Catherine''': Put in the fire.

'''Al''': It seems like the pages are a little bit wrinkled, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, I think that one did get some water damage.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': You might have better luck with this copy which is only smoke-damaged.

'''Al''': Yeah. Did they, so the insurance company, are they compensating you for all this damage? Cuz like…

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': …when stuff like this gets damaged, it’s priceless, you know? I mean…

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh yeah, I bookmarked the beginning of the ''senior'' section there.

'''Al''': Aw, did they, did they sign your yearbook at all?

'''Chris''': Um…Oh I might not have thought about it.

'''Al''': Yeah, there’s some people…

'''Chris''': Yeah plus we didn’t, I don’t think we got these yearbooks till ''after'' [[graduation]].

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s unusual.

'''Al''': Oh that sucks.

'''Catherine''': So where are you in here?

'''Al''': Which one is your gal-pal then?

'''Chris''': Um, there’s a number of them, uh let’s see, [flipping through yearbook]…There I am.
[[File:ChrisChanY2K.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's yearbook photo.]]
'''Catherine''': Oh, there we go.

'''Al''': Oh!

'''Catherine''': In a little tuxedo.

'''Al''': Yeah see, I like it man, you look very…

'''Catherine''': Very smart.

'''Al''': You know, you know what you remind me of there?

'''Chris''': Who?

'''Al''': You should, you should, you know like Frank Sinatra, one of those old singers.

'''Chris''': Oh, [[Chris and music|I like Frank Sinatra]].

'''Al''': That, that would go on stage, and he’d talk, and the smooth voice and he’d talk to the ladies…

'''Chris''': [takes on persona] Good evening ladies and gentlemen!

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah!

'''Chris''': We’ve really got a big show for you tonight!

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah, like from one of those, uh, old black-and-white movies, you know? But yeah, you look smooth and classy, man.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Oh uh, [[Kellie Andes]], uh, was my high school s-, sweetheart that I fell in big like with…

'''Al''': So, so which one is she?

'''Chris''': [spelling] A…A L E, um, yeah.

'''Al''': This says Kellie Lynn Andes right there.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah.

'''Al''': Oh, that one?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Can I have a look?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Oh, she’s very pretty.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well not as pretty as you, right Catie? Right Chris?

'''Chris''': No, she’s…

'''Catherine''': [laughs] Did you just call him Catie?

'''Chris''': [chuckles]

'''Al''': Oh I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

'''Catherine''': I have to sneeze again, sorry.

'''Al''': I’m a little big dyslexic myself. Sometimes I mix up words and stuff.

'''Chris''': Uh, well.

'''Al''': I say something when I mean to say something else. So.

'''Catherine''': [Sneezes] Excuse me.

'''Chris''': [spelling] C B B…

'''Catherine''': Must have caught a cold on the plane.

'''Chris''': Oh I hope not.

'''Catherine''': It happens all the time. Every time you travel.

'''Chris''': [browsing] Oh and, it's B E V... … Oh shoot, [trails off]. Oh, Sarah Bev-, [[Gal pal#Sarah Anne Bevel|Sarah Bevel]].

'''Al''': Oh that, that one right there.

'''Catherine''': Oh she’s very pretty too.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You have lots of pretty friends, haven’t you?

'''Chris''': [Smugly] Eh, yeah.

'''Al''': Dude, you gotta go back to whatever it was you were doing back then, you got all the girls. Well I mean you have Catie now, so I mean…

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’d rather, I’d rather stick with a winner.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It’s good to be a winner, I think?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Hm, G O… Tiff-, there she is. [[Tiffany Gowen]].

'''Al''': Yeah right there, the blonde at the bottom...

'''Catherine''': She looks a little bit like, em, Cameron Diaz.

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think it’s the hair, but she does look a little bit like Cameron Diaz.

'''Al''': Do you have any [[JERKS|guys]] that you hung out with back in high school, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh,…

'''Catherine''': Or was it mostly girls?

'''Chris''': Not, not, it was mostly girls.

'''Al''': Mostly girls?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I did have, uh, [[Joseph Herring|one]], um, uh, I hung out with in my freshman year when I was vars-, when I was, uh, co-water boy/manager of the [[Manchester High School#Go Lancers!|varsity basketball team]].

'''Al''': So wait, you were manager of the basketball team?

'''Chris''': Yeah, varsity.

'''Al''': That’s pretty cool.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Al''': Hey, is this the bathroom?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah, you mind if I take a leak real quick?

'''Chris''': Go ahead.

'''Al''': Yeah, hey Catie, I’ll get here and then I’ll go downstairs and join up with you guys, so.

'''Catherine''': Alright.

'''Al''': I’ll be out in just a minute.

==Part Two==
===Audio===

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Rental House Tour Audio Part Two
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|pepLdYwk3Wk}}
| Stardate = 31 [[August 2014]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Catherine]], Al, [[Barb]], [[Clover and Snoopy]]
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| previous = Rental House Tour Audio Part One
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
====Chatting with Barb====

[toilet flushes]

[sink runs]

[door squeaks open]

[20th Century orchestral music is heard]

'''Al''': Hello.

'''Catherine''': [Oh watch?]

'''Al''': Oh, are they gonna eat me alive now, or…?

'''Chris''': [unintelligible] he wants to buy a bunch of ours.

'''Al''': Yeah, the uh, vinyl records y’all got, I collect them, so.

'''Barb''': You can go through 'em.

'''Al''': Sure.

'''Catherine''': [?] I know you loved your records.

'''Barb''': Right now they’re all in a tractor-trailer.

'''Al''': In a tractor-trailer?

'''Chris''': Not really, no, they’re in a storage unit or downstairs.

'''Barb''': They’re not downstairs.

'''Chris''': Oh, oh.

'''Barb''': I put ‘em on a tractor-trailer.

'''Chris''': Oh, OK, well I guess, when the Rainbow cleaners, some of them got taken to their facility. Well not all of them, there was a bunch of them at the s-, at the unit.

'''Barb''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': At your storage unit?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Oh, OK.

'''Chris''': [to dog] Oh, hi baby girl. He’s a kisser. [baby voice] He likes to kiss.

'''Catherine''': They’re so cute. I’m sure they’ll get used to me eventually.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': They just don’t know who I am or why I’m in their house!

'''Chris''': Snoopy, Clover, that’s Catherine. Catie. You saw her picture?

'''Catherine''': [giggles] You showed your dogs my picture? That’s so cute.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': They like the picture or what, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh well, they sniffed it. They smell everything.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah, they got, we got separate to pee and poo on the paper.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, try not…

'''Chris''': On the black thing.

'''Catherine''': …to stand on it.

'''Al''': Yeah. They what? Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense then, on the paper…

'''Catherine''': Try not to stand on it or anything.

'''Barb''': It’s, it’s awfully inconvenient to take them outside and have to pick it up.

'''Al''': Yeah. Yeah.

'''Barb''': I’d rather have it inside, to pick it up.

'''Al''': Oh yeah, and then it’s closer so you can clean it up without going as far away.

'''Barb''': I’m 72 years old, I don’t [?]

'''Catherine''': Fair enough.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You’ve worked enough in your life, so…

'''Chris''': Yeah. I told, I told mom about, uh, how you have a lot of interesting stories from your travels in the European Brish - British areas.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Hey mother, tell her, tell her something about the Weston name. Or some of it.

'''Barb''': 400 years ago, the king declared the name [[Daniel Weston|Weston]], W-E-S-T-O-N, not I-N or E-N, but O-N, to be part of England’s [[Anne Boleyn|royalty]] forever.

'''Catherine''': That’s interesting.

'''Barb''': So Christian…

'''Catherine''': There’s a lot of uh, there’s a lot of names like that in England, and um… Well you go, you go back through the um, the old records and stuff and you see…

'''Barb''': Well my cousin…

'''Catherine''': …lordships, and you see…

'''Barb''': Well my cousin was the one that put together a [?] collection…

'''Catherine''': Wow. That’s a piece of history right there.

'''Al''': It certainly seems, Christian seems like a pretty good son. He was talking about how he helps you out around the house and all, and such.

'''Barb''': Oh my gosh.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I couldn’t, I couldn’t survive without him.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well I hope he takes care of Catie just as well. So.

'''Chris''': I’m pretty sur-, I’m fairly confident I will. I had practice.

'''Barb''': [cackles] He’s had a lot of practice. His father died three years ago.

[Music actually switches to a sadder tone]

'''Catherine''': I know. We heard. I’m terribly sorry.

'''Al''': Yeah. Sorry. I apologize for your loss. That’s gotta suck. So.

'''Barb''': Yeah. Yeah you, you never get over it.

'''Catherine''': Not really, no.

'''Barb''': My sister and…[?] um, her husband…

'''Chris''': Yes, yeah, [[Minor Family Members#Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom|Harriet and Tom]].

'''Barb''': …had to have surgery on this area.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that’s terrible. Oh, poor doggie.

'''Barb''': He has a growth that’s blocking the flow of whatever fluids, and as a result, it’s causing constant infection.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s awful.

'''Al''': Sounds awful.

'''Barb''': So, he’s gonna get operated on at the end of September.

'''Al''': In September?

'''Barb''': I, I wonder if it’s life-threatening, cause this area here…

'''Chris''': They didn’t mention that.

'''Barb''': …there’s a hole in the brain right there.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s…

'''Al''': A hole in the brain?

'''Barb''': There’s a hole that goes right in the brain. My oldest son, um…

'''Chris''': [[Cole]].

'''Barb''': …almost died from a sinus infection, in California…

'''Chris''': I didn’t hear this one.

'''Catherine''': Oh my goodness.

'''Barb''': …shortly after he went out there to college. He - he had a sinus infection.

'''Catherine''': That’s awful.

'''Barb''': And he couldn’t - couldn’t shake it.

'''Catherine''': I’m so sorry.

'''Barb''': He um - so he went to the doctor, and the doctor said "you’re just in time".

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Barb''': For a few hours. He wouldn’t’ve made it if he [?]

'''Catherine''': Wow. That was…let’s see…

'''Barb''': That’s when I really learned…

'''Catherine''': …when he first went to college, so he would, he would have been about eighteen, nineteen?

'''Barb''': Yeah, he was about nineteen.

'''Catherine''': I don’t, I have no idea how old he is now, so I don’t know how long ago that would have been.

'''Barb''': He’s, yeah he was born in ’63.

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Barb''': And Christian was born in ’82.

'''Chris''': Uh, 40, 51.

'''Barb''': ’82. I bought mailbox numbers 63 and 82.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Al''': Oh!

'''Barb''': I had trouble, I had trouble remembering it and I started…

'''Al''': Well that’s a good trick.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s handy.

'''Chris''': Yeah, we like number games as well as word games.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s lovely.

'''Chris''': Yeah, hey, tell ‘em your anniversary date. Or wedding.

'''Barb''': 6-7-80.

'''Catherine''': 6-7-80, that’s easy to remember.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': My husband and I got married, we were married 31 years.

'''Catherine''': That’s a long while.

'''Barb''': And um, two months after we were married, he had triple bypasses, and the doctors told me that he would not have lived two more weeks.

'''Catherine''': Wow.

'''Barb''': If he hadn’t had…and if he hadn’t had married me he’d never’ve known.

'''Catherine''': Cause you made him go to the doctor.

'''Barb''': It was very suddenly. Because he was, uh, an engineer at GE and he did hard core negotiating to sell their products.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': To sell their products. So.

'''Catherine''': [unintelligible]

'''Barb''': It wasn’t easy…

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOO!

'''Chris''': Snoopy, calm down.

'''Catherine''' Alright, fair enough.

'''Chris''': Calm down, little boy, calm down. I think they’re probably easier if uh, if I was sitting down.

'''Al''': Yeah, I don’t know if we have much room here.

'''Chris''': It was…

'''Catherine''': We can’t stay too terribly long.

'''Al''': Yeah we’re gonna head out in a few minutes anyways, so…

====The fire and its consequences====

'''Barb''': The couch belongs to the dogs. They saved us from the fire.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, Christian said they woke you up.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they woke me up, then I woke her up.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I got, I burned both feet, because I didn’t have any shoes on.

'''Al''': You had to walk through the fire then?

'''Barb''': Well I had to extinguish it, try to put it out, and what happened was, uh…

'''Chris''': [Moreover ?]

'''Barb''': Probably. Insulation. In the wall. [?]

'''Al''': The flicks from the insul-, like, they were drop-, pieces of insulation were dropping down?

'''Barb''': Yes.

'''Al''': And they burnt you on the foot?

'''Barb''': I don’t [?], I stepped on them.

'''Chris''': Um, well OK, I didn’t hear that. I thought, I thought the worst damage to your feet was from you had to walk all over that wet grass cause it was raining that morning.

'''Barb''': Well I didn’t know that I had damaged my feet…

'''Chris''': Oh. [stress sigh]

'''Barb''': …until later.

'''Al''': So you saw the fire, you grabbed an extinguisher, you’re lucky you had one on hand.

'''Barb''': He grabbed an extinguisher, pulled the thing out, and handed it to me.

'''Chris''': I remember from training, you know, you pull the pin first.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': And then you handed it off to your mum.

'''Al''': Sounds like you were both pretty brave to fight the fire like that.

'''Barb''': We didn’t have any choice. I had to hold, I was able to hold it just long enough for him to get his head together, take the dogs and the cat, and uh, we got out.

'''Chris''': Actually our cat [[Chandler Cats#Lucy|Lucy]] came to us. She was upstairs.

'''Barb''': Was she?

'''Chris''': Yeah, you remember, she came downstairs and met us, and then she ran out of [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] with us.

'''Barb''': That’s right, she did.

'''Chris''': Yeah I put the leads on the dogs.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You’re all very lucky to have gotten out of that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’m so sorry for your loss.

'''Barb''': That’s OK, it hasn’t been totally bad.

'''Al''': Things happen, life happens, you know?

'''Barb''': [?] happen for a reason.

'''Al''': You just get through it, so.

'''Barb''': [?] for a reason.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Yeah, we’ve learned a lot. [Laughs] Yeah, we did some hardcore negotiating, with uh, State Farm.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Excuse me just a moment.

'''Al''': Uh yeah, sorry. Yep, yep, get through there…

'''Catherine''': …in your way.

'''Al''': Hard core negotiating, what, they didn’t wanna pay out or somethin’, or…?

'''Barb''': They don’t…the adjustor is a woman, and she hates the ground I walk on. She dislikes me terribly, cause I’m too old and too smart. See I’m not the typical 72-year-old woman.

====Barb and Catie talk sewing====

'''Chris''': Yeah I’ll just remember it and I’ll save it.

'''Al''': Um…

'''Catherine''': He uses that for work. Pretty much.

'''Al''': Yeah, that’s mostly a work phone, I wouldn’t want people, but you can contact me through Catie.

'''Chris''': OK.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, yeah, we’re always in touch.

'''Chris''': OK, so you know I should contact him on the [?] inquiry about the records.

'''Catherine''': Uh, you can al- you can always let me know and I’ll pass the message.

'''Barb''': I appreciate you driving her there.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': That was a good security move.

'''Al''': Well her phone, [Catherine: “Car.”] her car broke down, so there was hardly any choice, I was the only guy who could, so.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, so.

'''Al''': But yeah.

'''Barb''': Well, it was good security [].

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah everything…

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah, I mean, I didn’t, I didn’t know Christian or anything, I hadn’t met you all at all, and they were talkin’ pretty serious, like it seemed, so I thought I would get to know your family as well, cause if these two were gonna get hitched, it’s gonna be one family, so.

'''Barb''': You’re just as beautiful as he said.

'''Catherine''': Oh thank you. You’re very sweet.

'''Al''': Yeah, so.

'''Barb''': Yeah, you are. You are.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Barb''': I understand you sew a little bit?

'''Catherine''': A little bit, not very much. Um, basically just enough to put, like, a button on my shirt, or, or um, like, stitch up my pants.

'''Barb''': I have a trainload of [felt?].

'''Catherine''': Oh, I’m terribly sorry.

'''Chris''': Well, [drowned out]

'''Al''': Christian said you used to sew, or you sew occasionally…?

'''Barb''': I used to. I’m, I’m going to, after I get settled back in the house.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I’m gonna start designing and sewing.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Chris''': Yeah. I told, I told her about the A-skirts you put together.

'''Catherine''': Oh yeah, you can make an A-line skirt out of an old pair of jeans. You just cut um, you, you rip the side, the seams in the middle, and then you use the leg to cut it off about here, and you use the legs to make the panels.

[?]

'''Catherine''': It’s very easy. It’s just you need a sewing machine to do it.

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But you could sew it by hand, but it takes ages.

'''Chris''': Hm. [Bizarrely inflected] She can sew more than a '''button'''.

'''Al''': Yeah. Alright.

'''Catherine''': Well, I mean…

'''Barb''': I taught my oldest son to sew, when he was growing up.

'''Catherine''': My roommate knits. My roommate is from Texas and he knits.

'''Barb''': Every, every boy needs to know how to sew and how to cook.

'''Catherine''': Exactly. Cause you’re not gonna have a woman all the time.

'''Barb''': [?] cook for kids, so…

'''Catherine''': Exactly.

'''Al''': Yeah.

[?]

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

====Barb's family heritage====

'''Barb''': In my family, I was the, I was number one as far as, there were eight children, five girls, and uh, um…

'''Al''': You were the eldest? You had to take care of the rest?

'''Barb''': I was five, number five of eight.

'''Al''': Ah.

'''Catherine''': Oh, so you were almost in the middle.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Yeah, I had a, I had a good spot.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Barb''': I had to fight both ways.

'''Catherine''': [Laughs]

'''Barb''': I had to change diapers both ways. [Laughs]

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Well I had two sisters and a brother younger than me. I have s- one [[Minor Family Members#Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom|sister]] and [[Minor Family Members#Uncle Raymond|brother]] still with us, and it’s nice. I just talked to her last night.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well I think I uh, told Catie about how Barbara Anne wanted to be an English teacher...? Enjoyed some English literature I think?

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': Yeah, I enjoy literature.

'''Chris''': Yeah. She likes a lot of Shakespe'''ah'''.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I do like Shakespeare.

'''Chris''': She also enjoys The Tudors, uh, HBO program through Netflix, all about King Henry VIII.

'''Barb''': Oh, Henry VIII. [[Anne Boleyn]], his wife…

'''Catherine''': One of, yeah, one of six.

'''Barb''': Well, she couldn’t produce a boy.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Barb''': So he killed her.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': But he drummed up all these excuses that the maids helped him to put together.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. Well he was the king, he could say whatever he wanted about anybody, and they wouldn’t dare say no, it’s not right. So.

'''Barb''': Yeah. He was just a murderer.

'''Catherine''': Mm. A little bit.

'''Barb''': The first, the first Queen Elizabeth was her daughter.

'''Catherine''': Mm hmm.

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That was uh, the last of the Tudors.

'''Barb''': We’re blood kin to them. I suppose we got blood kin to every Wes-, blood Weston in the world.

'''Catherine''': That would be an interesting thing to research, like go through old records and things like that, and actually draw a line and say, this is exactly where that went.

'''Chris''': I still don’t know the missing link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn.

'''Catherine''': Well Weston’s not exactly an uncommon name in Britain. I mean it’s not super-common, it’s not like Smith or anything, but there are a lot of people with that name.

'''Barb''': I suppose there are. There are.

'''Chris''': Oh, and I uh…

'''Barb''': [You’ve?] done a lot of important things in [?]

'''Catherine''': [?] yeah, done a lot of things and made a lot of children.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, in our thinking ahead, I did mention to her that uh, I promised you [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|our first daughter]] would have the middle name Weston.

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': So to continue that tradition. And royalty.

'''Barb''': [?]

'''Catherine''': It does.

'''Barb''': So, you’re part Scottish?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, on my mother’s side. My mom’s Scottish and my dad’s Italian.

'''Barb''': [?] combination.

'''Catherine''': It’s an interesting one.

'''Barb''': Yeah, it is.

====Time to go====

'''Dog:''' AROOOOOOO.

'''Chris''': Ah, Snoopy, calm down.

'''Barb''': Calm down. [Laughs]

'''Chris''': Yeah. They’re visiting right now, but I’m thinking she’ll be good more often.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And y’all can get to know her, and I, they let me sit between them and hug them.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s nice.

'''Chris''': They’re so sweet like, they’re so sweet like that, in other ways.

'''Barb''': Yeah, they’re good dogs, they really are.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': They’re very, very protective.

'''Catherine''': Beagles usually are. They’re very, they like their families. They like to be very protective of their... Their pack.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well anyway, uh, I, I’m Catie’s ride, and I got some stuff to do, so…

'''Barb''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So probably should be heading out, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Nice meeting you.

'''Barb''': Nice meeting you too.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': I look forward to seeing you again.

'''Catherine''': Certainly.

'''Al''': Yeah. And that, and this is like, we just went out to eat, and we just dropped in unannounced, and we don’t wanna, yeah we won’t take up too much, too much time. Good meeting you, Mrs. Chandler.

'''Chris''': Partially, partially, partially unannounced, because I had thought about bringing ''her'' over here anyway.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': At least to meet her, and, you know, watch Gigi, but we couldn’t do that, [Catherine sneezes.] cause um, cause your car’s in the shop. Oh bless you.

'''Catherine''': Excuse me. Thank you. I must, I must have caught cold on the plane.

'''Chris''': I hope not.

'''Catherine''': It happens to me every time I fly. You’ve got 200-odd people in one little tiny plane for about an hour.

'''Barb''': Is it a long flight?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I have to fly to Chicago, and then catch another flight, so.

'''Chris''': Well cool, I’ll…

'''Barb''': [something about Cole] …to San Francisco, California when he was about seven years old.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. That’s a long flight. I think that’s about, what is that, five hours?

'''Barb''': I don’t quite remember [?] [Laughs]

'''Catherine''': Yeah, but it’s a long flight.

'''Barb''': It was painful. It was painful.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. You get stuck in an airplane, you get all that air recycled. There’s somebody gets sick, it happens to me all the time.

'''Barb''': Yeah it does.

'''Catherine''': I’ll probably be fine in a few days.

'''Chris''': If not there’s always chicken noodle soup.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, definitely.

'''Chris''': They like chicken noodle soup. They’ve had some! [baby voice] Chicken noodle soup. Wasn’t that good, doggies? Yeah.

'''Barb''': Anything with chicken in it…. Well, we’ll let you go now.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Alright, thank you for, thank you for your hospitality.

'''Al''': Yep. Nice place. Nice place y'all got here, so.

'''Catherine''': [unintelligible] over there.

'''Chris''': OK, well hey, um, Catherine, before you go…

'''Catherine''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': I wanted to let you know: What am I doing in a place like this? Waiting for the most honest, true, and awesome woman to come around in my life.

'''Catherine''': Oh my god, you’re so sweet!

'''Chris''': I’ve had that, I’ve had, I had that in my head for the long time since I’ve…

'''Catherine''': I’ve got to sneeze again. Sorry.

[?]

'''Chris''': [chuckles]

'''Catherine''': It went back into my forehead.

'''Al''': I hate it when it’s like you’re like 90% ready for sneezing and…

'''Chris''': I’m so glad this is working out very well.

'''Catherine''': Me too. Sorry, we’ve got to get going or [?] things back.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Chris''': OK.

'''Al''': Hey Chris, we’ll both be pretty busy, but you and Catie can talk over the internet and we’ll see if we can work something out.

'''Catherine''': You’ve got my number now, we can text [?]

'''Chris''': [?]

'''Al''': Yeah, we’ll see if we can work something out over the next couple weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Maybe meet up again.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Hopefully, uh, Catie, you know where we are, you can come over yourself if you feel like it.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, well I would let you know. I wouldn’t just turn up, that would be so rude.

'''Al''': Yeah, OK. Yeah, anyway, yeah, we wouldn’t want to interrupt nothin’. Nothin’ like that.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s understandable.

'''Al''': Yeah. OK, well it was nice meet- [audio cuts off]

==External Links==
*[https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/16op1Mxtq7rDMXQfI4rEgsmJNSthJHYxH?usp=sharing Download the audio here.]

[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

Carlos Chantor

2018-11-27T01:15:33Z

Mr3urious:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Before you contacted me again to renew our relationship, I was aiming towards selling myself out as a Male Escort to earn money. I tried applying with C-Ville's "Naughty & Nice" Escort Service; they did not take me. And I printed and discreetly passed out cards, along with posting an ad on escorts.com, under the new alias of '''"Carlos Chantor"''' (DO NOT Tell anyone else of my new alias).|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 6|Jackie E-mails #6]]}}

[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|"[[List of Chris's lies|Experienced for Her Pleasure.]]"]]

'''Carlos Chantor''' was Chris's alias during his short-lived career as a male escort.

Chris came up with the alias after his first break up with his sweetheart [[Jackie]]. He tried joining with [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville's]] "Naughty and Nice" escort services, but after being told that there was no market for [[duck|bent]], [[autism|autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgins with rage]], he made a profile (now deleted) at '''Escorts.com''', apparently unaware that most male prostitutes belong to a rather [[homos|rough trade]]. Interestingly, on the Escort.com profile Chris checked that he was comfortable with every fetish available (except the ones he found too [[homos|homosexual]]). After a [[Prank calls#Carlos Chantor Call|certain prank call inquired about watersports]], however, he quickly reverted his decision and removed watersports as a fetish. He also distributed cards promoting himself as an escort around Charlottesville. This shows once again that Chris does not care about sex as an act between two lovers, but rather, he sees it as a way to lose his virginity, as well as to get a quick buck.

For some reason, no one has called Chris up.

It should be noted that during this stint, Chris's physical appearance was about as good as it could ever be. His hair appeared to temporarily stop thinning and wasting, his skin wasn't greasy and covered in dirt, and he even looked a bit thinner thanks to the slimming power of the color black. However, once the stint ended, old habits quickly returned.

== Escorts.com Profile ==

=== About Me ===
[[Virgin with rage|Experienced]] for [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Her Pleasure]].

Hey, Ladies. [[Chris and reality|I am a cool dude to hang with]], and I can make you [[CWC's Message for Ivy|feel good emotionally]] and [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|show you a fun time]]. I enjoy a lot of things; [[Megan_emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|I'll let you know when it's going too far]]. Give me [[Prank calls|a call]] to hook up (434 area code only).

=== My Details ===
[[File:CarlosChantor.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The explicit personal details of notorious womanizer, Carlos Chantor.]]
* '''Sex:''' Male
* '''Date of Birth:''' 2/24/[[1982]] (age 28)
* '''Orientation:''' [[Homos|Straight]] Male
* '''Ethnicity:''' [[Chris and race|Caucasian]]
* '''Body Type:''' [[Obesity|Average (height/weight proportional)]]
* '''Height:''' 5 feet 10 inches (178 cm)
* '''Hair Color:''' [[Hair|Brown]]
* '''Eye Color:''' [[Heterochromia|Blue]]
* '''Smoking:''' [[Tobacky|Do Not Smoke]]
* '''Drinking:''' [[Alcohol|Occasionally]]
* '''Drug Use:''' Never use them
* '''Language Spoken:''' [[Chris and English|English]]
* '''Secondary Language:''' [[Spanish]]

===My Location===
* '''Home:''' [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]]

===My Availability===
* '''Available as a(n):''' [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|Accommodating Male]], [[Patti Chandler|Master]]/[[niggos|Slave]], Model, [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Masseuse]], [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_Undressing|Stripper]]/[[WelcometoBollywood|Dancer]], Escort
* '''Available For:''' Outcall, [[14 Branchland Court|Incall]]
* '''Management:''' Independent

==See also==
* [[Chris and sex]]

[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Song of Christian

2018-11-21T20:39:17Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Song_of_christian_1_1-51.jpg|thumb|"I hear [[United States of America|America]] singing as I sing of myself..."]]

'''''Song of Christian''''' was a poem that [[Chris]], at age sixteen, had to write for a class. Chris bases his poem partly on [[Homos|Walt Whitman]]'s [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]].

It is also the name of a '''video''' Chris produced about it on 15 [[May 1998]], the very first video Chris has produced (although not his first media appearance), where it later made an appearance on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|homemade DVD]]. In it, Chris recites his poem in what appears to be the dark, and rages about the F he got in school for the project. The dark colors are both the result of him forgetting to [[Chris and cinematography|use proper lighting]] (video cameras didn't come with night-vision features in those days) and the technical limits of the model he was using (see below). He also forgets to come up with something interesting to say before the camera was rolling.

Regardless, Chris's voice at age sixteen, compared to today, sounds more conscious and matter-of-fact, and it seems that he is actually trying to put effort into his speech as opposed to mindlessly railing off words (although he still does stutter a lot). What happened between this and the [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] can be chalked up to Chris becoming more isolated from real-life people, and thus having less practice to speak in this way.

The [[Wikipedia:PXL-2000|PXL-2000]]-ish quality of the video and the lack of color would suggest that this was filmed on a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgsYAfZ8eo Tyco VideoCam], a late-1990s camcorder targeted towards children that operated by simply plugging it into and recording footage to a blank tape in a VCR.

==The actual poem==

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents' song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and ''Mario'' raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and...[[Tobacky|D-R-U-G-S]].
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my [[So Lonesome|loneliness]] is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

==Part I==

{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eC4XNixKBq4}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = Poetry
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes#Video|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]
| next = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|"Song of Christian" ~ Part II]]
}}

<center>Just showing off his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].</center>

===Transcript===

[''Simulates blowing a trumpet, or the sound of a diseased rooster, to mark his arrival.''] 

Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to ''The Christian Chandler Show''! 
Bringin' ya lots of laughs, and all that neat ol' stuff. Now, here he is, the host with the most: Christian Chandler!

<div>[''simulates the cheers of a crowd, stopping to take a breath halfway through, and reveals himself to the camera'']</div>

<div>Good evening friends, and welcome to ''The Christian Chandler Show''. '''I''' am your host Christian Chandler.
Now, tonight, we are gonna talk about poetry. And uh, line— an', uh, behind the scenes of part of the lines—which got me inspired. An' I'm gonna express my feelings a little bit, so...please don't laugh. I feel— I'll feel embarrassed. Okay, anyway, my poem is called— entitled— "The Song of Christian". And I just did it last night, on May 14th, [[1998]].</div>

[''muttering in an irritated tone: "Gonna embarrass myself."''] Anyway, uh, I'm gonna do my poem, now, so, here goes. [''recites poem''] An' anyway that's my poem. 
Now, we gotta go behind the lines, and see how it all got inspired.

<div>Now the, uh, first line line "I hear America singing", and, uh, "sing of myself". I got those from the combination of the first line of, both, [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]] and—s I—s—I—[http://www.bartleby.com/142/91.html "I hear America singing"]. And the "experiencing" and ''problems'', bas-- I made those up myself. And of course, ya know, the, uh, youth. I'm talking about the young children, here. They start singing their cries of happiness when they are born. With their little [[Sonee & Rosey|'giggles' and 'tee-hee-hees'.]] [''[[sigh]]''] That's just the sound of laughter. At age six weeks, I started... the sound of laughter which is my—when I start talking. Now, my first word was "monkey", and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the [[Wikipedia:Best Products|Best Products]] store in [[Charlottesville]] many, many years ago. ''Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in [[1982]]''. [''sigh''] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said [''baby talk voice''] "mon-kee". An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "''Was that your son?''", and my mom said, "''Yup, that was my son''". Ahh... she didn't say anything, she was just shocked.</div> 

<div>An', anyway I, uh, went on—and—on with my mouth. That is until the age one-and-a-half... years... [''sigh''] The sad thing that happened... the Lord put the mute button on me. CLICK FLICK [''Light switch motion'']. That's when my ad—me—I'm representing my autism, there. The Lord clickin' the mute button. [sigh] An' anyway here's where my autism began. I'm gonna to be very truthful here. Uh, I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]]. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me [[Chris's room|in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys]], and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my [[autism]] began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.</div> 

<div>And then thanks to my parents—actually my ma did most of the work, but, uh, it was thanks to my parents. They got me talkin' again at age seven. An', anyway, here's how they—it happened. My mother, my mother, always took me down to the toy store, ahh, at least every weekend on... [''sigh''] to, uh, wa—l—look at the, to read packages. Like, say, for example, "Go-Bots." You remember those old goh—fashion Go-Bot toys? Well, anyway, with ma we always read thepackageis [''All in one breath''] for me, and I read along with her. And, uh, well, we just read the, uhh, top name of the fi—name of the toy, and the name of the, uh, to—and the, uhhh, name of the... character that it represents. And, then, on an the—go to the flip side and see all the other characters, name all the other toys in the collection. And, ''of course'', we did the same for fu—the old-fashioned Transformers. Yes. [''Head confidently turns to look at items off-camera'']</div>

And, also, wit' mother an' I—and, also, sometimes, mother and I'd buy some Lego sets and build them together, like, for example... [''mumbles about getting his "stupid thing"''] Oh, yeah... Lllike, for example, this old, uh, bicycle pit shop, here. Ah, you can tell this is an old-fashioned [[Lego]] set on account of this—the old-fashioned "Lego Land" on the corner. Anyway, ah, we always built something like this, but, uhh, since that... and, one time, we even built a nice racetrack. I don't still have my Lego tin, but, uh... I NAMED MY CAMERA NIBBLE(?)... [''sigh''] I don't think... that it's good to have. Uh, oh, well, anyway.

''Excuse me''.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|right|The homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine.]]

Anyway, Mother and I always had fun together. But, then, at age five—age seven, my mouth blabbed, ah—I started blabbin' my mouth, again. [''Voice cracks''] Daarn that collar! And then, uh, the, ah, "Helping to achieve new records on ''Mario Raceway''". You know I like the play video games. I mean, I have Nintendo 64 video games, the Super Nintendo games, Genesis, old-fashioned Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Sega CD, 32X, and I also got lotsa Tiger-brand LCD games. An', anyway, I was a video game p—person, and my favorite type of game were racing. So, um, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games were—was ''Mario Kart 64''. I'r, uh, I was already tryin' to beat my ghost on the, uh, ''Mario Raceway'' Time ''Trails'' mode. My best time—my best record is, as Mario, ah minute, twenty-one, and eighty-nine seconds. Me—uh... ''excuse me''... I mean a 1'21"89. Yeah, that's it. An', anyway, I always like to beat my records.

But then the, uh, Nin-ten-do Ma-ga-zine that's da'uh maga-zine you heard that was lost. There it is: my ''home-made'' ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Actually, that's just the cover. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm, ah, working on it]]...on the ''insides'', like a regular ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. When I'm done it should have a hundred-and-eight pages, including the front cover, and the back cover. Ah, right now I'm only on, uh, page 35. [''sigh''] I'll show you, ah, the pages that are inside it. We have your, uh, your, ah, type of contest that they're mentioning of the main article... that goes with the table of contents ''there''. [''sigh''] Then, we have the winners section. Now you seen the, uh, the two envelopes on this page? I actually created them on u—other envelo—on two envelopes myself an' kinda copied that from the envelopes onto ''here''. And, on this page, the three of those, I just kinda made up myself. That's, uh, ''Cruis'n USA'', ''Zelda'', and ''Yoshi's Story''. [''Christian exhales and ruffles through the pages'']. And we have the, uh, ''Power Charts''. Which is the Top Ten Nintendo 64, and Super Nintendo, and the Top Five Game Boy games. Of course, the Most Wanted, and some more letters, and I just a made up a article about somebody winning the ''Zelda'' contest. Ya know, test the ''Zelda 64'' game that is gonna come out later. WAAAY later, I—in fact, we don't even know—we're not exactly sure WHEN it's gonna come out. ''Darnedest thing is slippin' on me'' [Christian reassembles the magazine].

<div>An anyway, I had this dream a long time ago about ''[[Sonic]]'' on Game Boy, so that's what I based my magazine on.
'Course you can ''tell'' on the cover he's switched from Sega to Nintendo. SO, I started off by making my own Nintendo 64 game: Sonic 64. Isn't that a cool picture, or what? [''shoves crude drawings into the camera''] Alrigh', anyway, you got your castle over ''there''. Sonic and Tails. '''Scuse me a sec''...[''The PXL-2000, or whatever other cheap camera he's using, only records up to 10 minutes of footage on each side of the tape, so he is most likely getting it prepared to flip over.'']</div>

====Factual error====
It is physically impossible for him to have spoken a word at six weeks old. Any [[Chris and health|doctor]] will attest to the fact that no infant's vocal chords are developed enough by that time to speak, and any [[Chris and psychology|psychologist]] will tell you that their [[wikipedia:Broca's Area|Broca's Area]] is not anywhere near developed enough to understand words by this time.

==Part II==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|G9qf5aYpjRg}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Video games|text}}, [[Chris and Art|Artwork]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_1|"Song of Christian" ~ Part I]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]
}}
<center>[[Chris]] [[virgin with rage|rages]] between 7:38 and 10:05 if you want to skip all the shit no one cares about.</center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mutters under his breath: "Darn that thing.", and fiddles with the papers.'']

Uh...this may even be a rumor, so you— my magazine is falling apart on me. I mean it's just ''paper clipped.'' So sue me. I'm jus' still [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE|working on it]].

[''Continues looking through pages'']

Now, let me just find that page again... Well, they have the old castle, again, but now I got the special moves, the spin dash, pound the baw—pound the ground, spin, punch. There's that cool picture of Sonic co—in the co—in the corner. Isn't that cool, or what, huh? Three DI-mensional. That's what I call cool. Yeah....

[''Mumbling and looking through pages.'']

And, then, I have Sonic's friends that help. Of course, Tails (that flies), Knuckles (that punches and flies), and [[Bionic]], WELLLLL, you heard rumors about Bionic: he's that Sonic's brother I made up myself who's that very good basketball player and mechanic. Uh... I can tell you the background story on him. I could tell you about it... I'll just make it quick so I can tell you, anyway. Bionic was Sonic's older brother. Please note "older". Anyway, one day, when they were very young, they were playing a ca—playing the game of catch, Sonic accidentally threw the ball into the bushes. Bionic offered to get it, because he was closer to it. He went in the bushes, but, then, there was a—but there was a warp... p—portal there, and he got sucked into it. Sonic tried to get him out, but Sonic fell into it, went to a dimension of ba—abou—basketball. But then, uh... years later, Bionic found a way to es—found a portal to go back to Sonic and end up in Sonic's... new home in Knothole. And, uh... Sonic and Bionic lived together from then on. Anyway, he's a great mechanic too.

Anyway, I got some pictures here that, uh...shows how Sonic's friends help him...climbing along Knuckles, Tails flying, Sonic...and Bionic...breaking a lot— destroying a lot— breaking a lot of Dr. Robotnik's evil machines.

And, yet, of course, you know, my, uhh, ''Sonic'' on Game Boy originally was ''Sonic and Knuckles'', but I decided to do something different in this magazine. ''Sonic and Knuckles '''II'''''... I mean, a sequel, yeah... Anyway, you got your coverage there, and I put a little Dr. Robotnik in the corner saying, (''changes voice'') "I HATE SONIC! AND I HATE THAT ECHIDNA, TOO!"

[''Bends over to adjust paperclip that is holding his homemade ''Nintendo Power'' together, muttering.'']

Oh, dear, the paperclip is slipping. Darn that thing.

[''Comes back up.'']

Yeah...and, of course, you know I've got my basic "coverages" about a file...selector, and another water zone, Knuckles— playing as Knuckles, and a...special stage. Cool, huh?

[''Turns page.'']

And then I made up a Super Nintendo game. ''SUPER Sonic''. Yeah it's a Super Nintendo game with all— with some of the ''Sonic'' games in one Super Nintendo cartridge. Hey, look, check this out, we got Sonic hanging ten on a Super Nintendo controller. YEAAAH! (''hums music'') Anyway, then I got some...coverage on the...Sonic, uh...with the...how you select the game you wanna play. And of course I got ''Sonic I'' picture there, and ''Sonic 3''.

[''Flips through pages.'']

Oh, dear...

And then I have the uh...coverage on the games. I got ''Sonic I'', ''Sonic II'', ''Sonic III'', and ''Sonic and Knuckles'' in there... yeah, the original ''Sonic and Knuckles'' I'm talking about, not ''Sonic and Knuckles II''.

But, then, I made up another Nintendo 64 game. Uh...sort of interesting to teenagers. I call it ''BEAST WARS''...''[[Transformers]]''. And except these aren't about the missions; they're fighters. Yeah, that was the Maximals and Predacons fightin' each other. And I made somes—fantasize—suh that... it will be RumblePak compatible. And becau—and the uh... bots that I put in it...goes as follows. I got [[Optimus Prime|Optimus Primal]], and uh...Cheetor... Rattrap, Silverbolt, Dinobot, Megatron...Tarantulas, Waspinator, Quickstrike, and Inferno.

And then I, uh...before Soni- before I made the cover of Sonic, I made up a, uh...other ''Nintendo Power'' cover, which I made of...uh...you heard of ''Megaman XTC'' Nintendo? Well, that's what I did. ''Megaman XTC '''IV'''''. Check that out. Cool picture. IT'S BACK. And then there's some coverage, uh...about some of the stuff about him in the...Sigma's return...Zero being captured, and...X's armor. It's actually revived armor... The— from the original first— the first ''Megaman X'' game...except more powerful, because it's, uh, actually... Oh, whatever...

Anyway, I got a bunch of bosses from the three ''Megaman X'' games and a couple of the classic ''Megaman'' games. I got Storm Eagle, Snake Man, Wheel Gator, Neon Tiger... [''mumbles "oh jeez" while flipping through pages'']... Gravity Beetle, Bubble Crab, Shadow Man... and, uh... why not ''Megaman X'' without the old... classic ''Megaman X'' boss... [''fumbles with pages''] Oh, dear... these things are slipping on me... Anyway, Chill Penguin. Yeah, that penguin is back, alright. I ]got each of these bosses as 3D battle zone, and of course, now, I got coverage of Sigma's return. I got Robotis dog reform [''likely "Robotis Dog's Return"''}, then I made up a new dissent (?) for old Dr. Wily, Dr. Wily Jr. He's fighting Megaman in a robot MONKEY. Monkey... And then I got Sigma's return... and this is actually from that cover of Meg—that cover I made up. I mean, it's actually destroying Sigma, but this is from his, uh, view. It's actually from the opposite side... of the battlefield.

So right now I'm working on the classified information... begun with Sonic— parts of ''Sonic I'' and ''Sonic II'', and I just did ''Mario Kart 64''. And for ''Nintendo Power''...I'm tracing another copy. Yeah, you can tell it's another copy, because— lookit there. Sonic is a bit more, uh...chubbier there. You can tell the difference right there. All right, on, um... this tracing thing, I only got to page 60, it was the beginning of ''Super Sonic''...

But, moving on... yeah... the rudeness of the teenagers song... of course, now—of course, you know I'm talking about those despicable rude words they got down in there... I mean... ah, you know, w-w-when they say those... sound like, somethin' like... "Oh, *booop*." And, uh... "Oh, *booop*", and "son of a *booop*"... You understand what I'm talking about? I mean, that just really ticks me off. And I hope this video's getting through to those tee—to those students in that English class of mine. I HOPE THEY GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS AND EV— AND GET IT THROUGH TO EVERYBODY ELSE IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT THAT RUDE LANGUAGE IS CRUEL. I mean, you see it, and—you thinks it's cool to the adults, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S JUST RUDE! VERY RUDE! I MEAN, I'M JUST SICK OF IT! I mean... [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|HNNNNGH]].

And then there's that other thing... the, uh... D-R-U-G-S. I mean... (''mimes smoking'') That just... that *puff puff* [[tobacky|thing]], that just clogs up my nose. *grunt* And that other thing... (''mimes drinking alcohol and passing out'') Anyway, just MAKES ME SICK to see people just [[Sonichu|waste]] [[Little Big Planet|their]] [[Love Quest|lives]] [[Guitar Hero|away]] on [[alcohol|that]]. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it's DESPICABLE (''hits table''). DE-SPIC-A-BLE!]] Understand what I'm talking about? And, of course, I'm not afraid to speak about the hazardous flukes like [[Chris and copyright|the "American Song" how it goes]]... and, of course, that last line there... The song I sing you and all my—talk about my peer relationships as well... I talk about the peer relationships in my neighborhood. I mean, I do not have that many peers in the neighborhood. All I have in my neighborhood is Damien, and I don't usually see him a lot, and a twelve year old boy named Michael, and he's uh... just a little kid.

Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one. Anyway uh... I see by the clock that it's about time I sign off. But, uh... before I go, I have just one thing to say to, uh... the teacher: '''[[Chris and anger|AN F IN ENGLISH CLASS?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!]]''' I mean, an F! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I GOT AN F... I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OLD GREENE COUNTY, THAT STUPID PLACE... YEESH. That Greene County Primary... actually that was a nice school, but then th—came the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]]. That's probably where I got the F. Anyway, then, many years rolled by... '''THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND GAVE ME AN F. I MEAN I STARTED OFF WITH AN A AND YOU JUST LOWERED IT! LOWERED IT! LOWERED IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LOWERING THING. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST AUT—[[Slow-in-the-minds|AGAINST THE HANDICAPPED CHILDREN]], ANYWAY?! I MEAN, I KNOW MY HANDICAP IS [[Kick the Autistic|AUTISM]], AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! AND YOU, MRS. BIRD (Burns?), I THINK THAT F IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL! I MEAN, [[Chris and his Ego|I AM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT]].'''

[''stress sigh'']

Anyway, it's time I sign off. Well, this has been ''The Christian Chandler Show'', and we hope you all enjoyed it. And, as we say in the land of TV Land...goodnight, folks!

[''covers camera with hand and "sings" theme song'']

==See also==
* [[Greene County Conspiracy]] - 12 YEARS LATER, Chris still sits in the dark and complains about people hating him for being Autistic

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]|}}
{{Writings}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Poetry]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1998-05-15]]

Song of Christian

2018-11-21T20:13:20Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Song_of_christian_1_1-51.jpg|thumb|"I hear [[United States of America|America]] singing as I sing of myself..."]]

'''''Song of Christian''''' was a poem that [[Chris]], at age sixteen, had to write for a class. Chris bases his poem partly on [[Homos|Walt Whitman]]'s [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]].

It is also the name of a '''video''' Chris produced about it on 15 [[May 1998]], the very first video Chris has produced (although not his first media appearance), where it later made an appearance on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|homemade DVD]]. In it, Chris recites his poem in what appears to be the dark, and rages about the F he got in school for the project. The dark colors are both the result of him forgetting to [[Chris and cinematography|use proper lighting]] (video cameras didn't come with night-vision features in those days) and the technical limits of the model he was using (see below). He also forgets to come up with something interesting to say before the camera was rolling.

Regardless, Chris's voice at age sixteen, compared to today, sounds more conscious and matter-of-fact, and it seems that he is actually trying to put effort into his speech as opposed to mindlessly railing off words (although he still does stutter a lot). What happened between this and the [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] can be chalked up to Chris becoming more isolated from real-life people, and thus having less practice to speak in this way.

The [[Wikipedia:PXL-2000|PXL-2000]]-ish quality of the video and the lack of color would suggest that this was filmed on a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgsYAfZ8eo Tyco VideoCam], a late-1990s camcorder targeted towards children that operated by simply plugging it into and recording footage to a blank tape in a VCR.

==The actual poem==

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents' song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and ''Mario'' raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and...[[Tobacky|D-R-U-G-S]].
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my [[So Lonesome|loneliness]] is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

==Part I==

{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eC4XNixKBq4}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = Poetry
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes#Video|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]
| next = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|"Song of Christian" ~ Part II]]
}}

<center>Just showing off his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].</center>

===Transcript===

[''Simulates blowing a trumpet, or the sound of a diseased rooster, to mark his arrival.''] 

Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to ''The Christian Chandler Show''! 
Bringin' ya lots of laughs, and all that neat ol' stuff. Now, here he is, the host with the most: Christian Chandler!

<div>[''simulates the cheers of a crowd, stopping to take a breath halfway through, and reveals himself to the camera'']</div>

<div>Good evening friends, and welcome to ''The Christian Chandler Show''. '''I''' am your host Christian Chandler.
Now, tonight, we are gonna talk about poetry. And uh, line— an', uh, behind the scenes of part of the lines—which got me inspired. An' I'm gonna express my feelings a little bit, so...please don't laugh. I feel— I'll feel embarrassed. Okay, anyway, my poem is called— entitled— "The Song of Christian". And I just did it last night, on May 14th, [[1998]].</div>

[''muttering in an irritated tone: "Gonna embarrass myself."''] Anyway, uh, I'm gonna do my poem, now, so, here goes. [''recites poem''] An' anyway that's my poem. 
Now, we gotta go behind the lines, and see how it all got inspired.

<div>Now the, uh, first line line "I hear America singing", and, uh, "sing of myself". I got those from the combination of the first line of, both, [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]] and—s I—s—I—[http://www.bartleby.com/142/91.html "I hear America singing"]. And the "experiencing" and ''problems'', bas-- I made those up myself. And of course, ya know, the, uh, youth. I'm talking about the young children, here. They start singing their cries of happiness when they are born. With their little [[Sonee & Rosey|'giggles' and 'tee-hee-hees'.]] [''[[sigh]]''] That's just the sound of laughter. At age six weeks, I started... the sound of laughter which is my—when I start talking. Now, my first word was "monkey", and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the [[Wikipedia:Best Products|Best Products]] store in [[Charlottesville]] many, many years ago. ''Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in [[1982]]''. [''sigh''] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said [''baby talk voice''] "mon-kee". An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "''Was that your son?''", and my mom said, "''Yup, that was my son''". Ahh... she didn't say anything, she was just shocked.</div> 

<div>An', anyway I, uh, went on—and—on with my mouth. That is until the age one-and-a-half... years... [''sigh''] The sad thing that happened... the Lord put the mute button on me. CLICK FLICK [''Light switch motion'']. That's when my ad—me—I'm representing my autism, there. The Lord clickin' the mute button. [sigh] An' anyway here's where my autism began. I'm gonna to be very truthful here. Uh, I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]]. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me [[Chris's room|in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys]], and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my [[autism]] began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.</div> 

<div>And then thanks to my parents—actually my ma did most of the work, but, uh, it was thanks to my parents. They got me talkin' again at age seven. An', anyway, here's how they—it happened. My mother, my mother, always took me down to the toy store, ahh, at least every weekend on... [''sigh''] to, uh, wa—l—look at the, to read packages. Like, say, for example, "Go-Bots." You remember those old goh—fashion Go-Bot toys? Well, anyway, with ma we always read thepackageis [''All in one breath''] for me, and I read along with her. And, uh, well, we just read the, uhh, top name of the fi—name of the toy, and the name of the, uh, to—and the, uhhh, name of the... character that it represents. And, then, on an the—go to the flip side and see all the other characters, name all the other toys in the collection. And, ''of course'', we did the same for fu—the old-fashioned Transformers. Yes. [''Head confidently turns to look at items off-camera'']</div>

And, also, wit' mother an' I—and, also, sometimes, mother and I'd buy some Lego sets and build them together, like, for example... [''mumbles about getting his "stupid thing"''] Oh, yeah... Lllike, for example, this old, uh, bicycle pit shop, here. Ah, you can tell this is an old-fashioned [[Lego]] set on account of this—the old-fashioned "Lego Land" on the corner. Anyway, ah, we always built something like this, but, uhh, since that... and, one time, we even built a nice racetrack. I don't still have my Lego tin, but, uh... I NAMED MY CAMERA NIBBLE(?)... [''sigh''] I don't think... that it's good to have. Uh, oh, well, anyway.

''Excuse me''.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|right|The homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine.]]

Anyway, Mother and I always had fun together. But, then, at age five—age seven, my mouth blabbed, ah—I started blabbin' my mouth, again. [''Voice cracks''] Daarn that collar! And then, uh, the, ah, "Helping to achieve new records on ''Mario Raceway''". You know I like the play video games. I mean, I have Nintendo 64 video games, the Super Nintendo games, Genesis, old-fashioned Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Sega CD, 32X, and I also got lotsa Tiger-brand LCD games. An', anyway, I was a video game p—person, and my favorite type of game were racing. So, um, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games were—was ''Mario Kart 64''. I'r, uh, I was already tryin' to beat my ghost on the, uh, ''Mario Raceway'' Time ''Trails'' mode. My best time—my best record is, as Mario, ah minute, twenty-one, and eighty-nine seconds. Me—uh... ''excuse me''... I mean a 1'21"89. Yeah, that's it. An', anyway, I always like to beat my records.

But then the, uh, Nin-ten-do Ma-ga-zine that's da'uh maga-zine you heard that was lost. There it is: my ''home-made'' ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Actually, that's just the cover. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm, ah, working on it]]...on the ''insides'', like a regular ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. When I'm done it should have a hundred-and-eight pages, including the front cover, and the back cover. Ah, right now I'm only on, uh, page 35. [''sigh''] I'll show you, ah, the pages that are inside it. We have your, uh, your, ah, type of contest that they're mentioning of the main article... that goes with the table of contents ''there''. [''sigh''] Then, we have the winners section. Now you seen the, uh, the two envelopes on this page? I actually created them on u—other envelo—on two envelopes myself an' kinda copied that from the envelopes onto ''here''. And, on this page, the three of those, I just kinda made up myself. That's, uh, ''Cruis'n USA'', ''Zelda'', and ''Yoshi's Story''. [''Christian exhales and ruffles through the pages'']. And we have the, uh, ''Power Charts''. Which is the Top Ten Nintendo 64, and Super Nintendo, and the Top Five Game Boy games. Of course, the Most Wanted, and some more letters, and I just a made up a article about somebody winning the ''Zelda'' contest. Ya know, test the ''Zelda 64'' game that is gonna come out later. WAAAY later, I—in fact, we don't even know—we're not exactly sure WHEN it's gonna come out. ''Darnedest thing is slippin' on me'' [Christian reassembles the magazine].

<div>An anyway, I had this dream a long time ago about ''[[Sonic]]'' on Game Boy, so that's what I based my magazine on.
'Course you can ''tell'' on the cover he's switched from Sega to Nintendo. SO, I started off by making my own Nintendo 64 game: Sonic 64. Isn't that a cool picture, or what? [''shoves crude drawings into the camera''] Alrigh', anyway, you got your castle over ''there''. Sonic and Tails. '''Scuse me a sec''...[''The PXL-2000, or whatever other cheap camera he's using, only records up to 10 minutes of footage on each side of the tape, so he is most likely getting it prepared to flip over.'']</div>

====Factual error====
It is physically impossible for him to have spoken a word at six weeks old. Any [[Chris and health|doctor]] will attest to the fact that no infant's vocal chords are developed enough by that time to speak, and any [[Chris and psychology|psychologist]] will tell you that their [[wikipedia:Broca's Area|Broca's Area]] is not anywhere near developed enough to understand words by this time.

==Part II==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|G9qf5aYpjRg}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Video games|text}}, [[Chris and Art|Artwork]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_1|"Song of Christian" ~ Part I]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]
}}
<center>[[Chris]] [[virgin with rage|rages]] between 7:38 and 10:05 if you want to skip all the shit no one cares about.</center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mutters under his breath and fiddles with the papers.'']

Uh...this may even be a rumor, so you— my magazine is falling apart on me. I mean it's just ''paper clipped.'' So sue me. I'm jus' still [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE|working on it]].

[''Continues looking through pages'']

Now, let me just find that page again... Well, they have the old castle, again, but now I got the special moves, the spin dash, pound the baw—pound the ground, spin, punch. There's that cool picture of Sonic co—in the co—in the corner. Isn't that cool, or what, huh? Three DI-mensional. That's what I call cool. Yeah....

[''Mumbling and looking through pages.'']

And, then, I have Sonic's friends that help. Of course, Tails (that flies), Knuckles (that punches and flies), and [[Bionic]], WELLLLL, you heard rumors about Bionic: he's that Sonic's brother I made up myself who's that very good basketball player and mechanic. Uh... I can tell you the background story on him. I could tell you about it... I'll just make it quick so I can tell you, anyway. Bionic was Sonic's older brother. Please note "older". Anyway, one day, when they were very young, they were playing a ca—playing the game of catch, Sonic accidentally threw the ball into the bushes. Bionic offered to get it, because he was closer to it. He went in the bushes, but, then, there was a—but there was a warp... p—portal there, and he got sucked into it. Sonic tried to get him out, but Sonic fell into it, went to a dimension of ba—abou—basketball. But then, uh... years later, Bionic found a way to es—found a portal to go back to Sonic and end up in Sonic's... new home in Knothole. And, uh... Sonic and Bionic lived together from then on. Anyway, he's a great mechanic too.

Anyway, I got some pictures here that, uh...shows how Sonic's friends help him...climbing along Knuckles, Tails flying, Sonic...and Bionic...breaking a lot— destroying a lot— breaking a lot of Dr. Robotnik's evil machines.

And, yet, of course, you know, my, uhh, ''Sonic'' on Game Boy originally was ''Sonic and Knuckles'', but I decided to do something different in this magazine. ''Sonic and Knuckles '''II'''''... I mean, a sequel, yeah... Anyway, you got your coverage there, and I put a little Dr. Robotnik in the corner saying, (''changes voice'') "I HATE SONIC! AND I HATE THAT ECHIDNA, TOO!"

[''Bends over to adjust paperclip that is holding his homemade ''Nintendo Power'' together, muttering.'']

Oh, dear, the paperclip is slipping. Darn that thing.

[''Comes back up.'']

Yeah...and, of course, you know I've got my basic "coverages" about a file...selector, and another water zone, Knuckles— playing as Knuckles, and a...special stage. Cool, huh?

[''Turns page.'']

And then I made up a Super Nintendo game. ''SUPER Sonic''. Yeah it's a Super Nintendo game with all— with some of the ''Sonic'' games in one Super Nintendo cartridge. Hey, look, check this out, we got Sonic hanging ten on a Super Nintendo controller. YEAAAH! (''hums music'') Anyway, then I got some...coverage on the...Sonic, uh...with the...how you select the game you wanna play. And of course I got ''Sonic I'' picture there, and ''Sonic 3''.

[''Flips through pages.'']

Oh, dear...

And then I have the uh...coverage on the games. I got ''Sonic I'', ''Sonic II'', ''Sonic III'', and ''Sonic and Knuckles'' in there... yeah, the original ''Sonic and Knuckles'' I'm talking about, not ''Sonic and Knuckles II''.

But, then, I made up another Nintendo 64 game. Uh...sort of interesting to teenagers. I call it ''BEAST WARS''...''[[Transformers]]''. And except these aren't all about the missions; they're firece [''mispronunciation of fierce?'']. It's always the, uh, maximum critical in spite of each other (?). And I made somes—fantasize—suh that... it will be RumblePak compatible. And becau—and the uh... bots that I put in it...goes as follows. I got [[Optimus Prime|Optimus Primal]], and uh...Cheetor, Rattrap, Silverbolt, Dinobot, Megatron...Tarantulas, Waspinator, Quickstrike, and Inferno.

And then I, uh...before Soni- before I made the cover of Sonic, I made up a, uh...other ''Nintendo Power'' cover, which I made of...uh...you heard of ''Megaman XTC'' Nintendo? Well, that's what I did. ''Megaman XTC '''IV'''''. Check that out. Cool picture. IT'S BACK. And then there's some coverage, uh...about some of the stuff about him in the...Sigma's return...Zero being captured, and...it's his armor. It's actually revived armor... The— from the original first— the first ''Megaman X'' game...except more powerful, because... (''mumbles'') Oh, whatever...

Anyway, I got a bunch of bosses from the three ''Megaman X'' games and a couple of the classic ''Megaman'' games. I got Storm Eagle, Snake Man, Wheel Gator, Neon Tiger... [''mumbles "oh jeez" while flipping through pages'']... Gravity Beetle, Bubble Crab, Shadow Man... and, uh... why not ''Megaman X'' without the old... classic ''Megaman X'' boss... [''fumbles with pages, mumbling''] Oh, dear... these things are slipping on me... Anyway, Chill Penguin. Yeah, that penguin is back, alright. I got each of these bosses, have a 3D battle song (?), and of course, now, I got coverage of Sigma's return. I got Robot's dogra form (?), then I made up a new dissent (?) for old Dr. Wiley, Dr. Wiley Jr. here, he's fighting Megaman in a robot MONKEY. Monkey... And then I got Sigma's return... and this is actually from that cover of Meg—that cover I made up. I mean, it's actually destroying Sigma, but this is from his view. It's actually from the opposite side... of the battlefield.

So right now I'm working on the classified information... begun with Sonic— parts of ''Sonic I'' and ''Sonic II'', and I just did ''Mario Kart 64''. And for ''Nintendo Power''...I'm tracing another copy. Yeah, you can tell it's another copy, because— lookit there. Sonic is a bit more, uh...chubbier there. You can tell the difference right there. All right, on, um... this tracing thing, I only got to page 60, it was the beginning of ''Super Sonic''...

But, moving on... yeah... the rudeness of the teenagers song... of course, now—of course, you know I'm talking about those despicable rude words they got down in there... I mean... ah, you know, w-w-when they say those... sound like... "Oh, *beeeep*." And, uh... "Oh, *booop*", and "son of a *boop*"... You understand what I'm talking about? I mean, that just really ticks me off. And I hope this video's getting through to those tee—to those students in that English class of mine. I HOPE THEY GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS AND EV— AND GET IT THROUGH TO EVERYONE IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT THAT RUDE LANGUAGE IS CRUEL. I mean, you see it, and—you thinks it's cool to the adults, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S JUST RUDE! VERY RUDE! I MEAN, I'M JUST SICK OF IT! I mean... [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|HNNNNGH]].

And then there's that other thing... the, uh... D-R-U-G-S. (''mimes smoking'') That just... that *puff puff* [[tobacky|thing]], that just clogs up my nose. *grunt* And that other thing... (''mimes drinking alcohol and passing out'') Anyway, just MAKES ME SICK to see people just [[Sonichu|waste]] [[Little Big Planet|their]] [[Love Quest|lives]] [[Guitar Hero|away]] on [[alcohol|that]]. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it's DESPICABLE (''hits table''). DE-SPIC-A-BLE!]] Understand what I'm talking about? And, of course, I'm not afraid to speak about the hazardous flukes like [[Chris and copyright|the "American Song" how it goes]]... and, of course, that last line there... The song I sing you and all my—talk about my peer relationships as well... I talk about the peer relationships in my neighborhood. I mean, I do not have that many peers in the neighborhood. All I have in my neighborhood is Damien, and I don't usually see him a lot, and a twelve year old boy named Michael, and he's uh... just a little kid.

Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one. Anyway uh... I see by the clock that it's about time I sign off. But, uh... before I go, I have just one thing to say to, uh... the teacher: '''[[Chris and anger|AN F IN ENGLISH CLASS?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!]]''' I mean, an F! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I GOT AN F... I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OLD GREENE COUNTY, THAT STUPID PLACE... YEESH. That Greene County Primary... actually that was a nice school, but then th—came the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]]. That's probably where I got the F. Anyway, then, many years rolled by... '''THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND GAVE ME AN F. I MEAN I STARTED OFF WITH AN A AND YOU JUST LOWERED AND LOWERED AND LOWERED IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LOWERING THING. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST AUT—[[Slow-in-the-minds|AGAINST THE HANDICAPPED CHILDREN]], ANYWAY?! I MEAN, I KNOW MY HANDICAP IS [[Kick the Autistic|AUTISM]], AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! AND YOU, MRS. BIRD (Burns?), I THINK THAT F IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL! I MEAN, [[Chris and his Ego|I AM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT]].'''

[''stress sigh'']

Anyway, it's time I sign off. Well, this has been ''The Christian Chandler Show'', and we hope you all enjoyed it. And, as we say in the land of TV Land...goodnight, folks!

[''covers camera with hand and "sings" theme song'']

==See also==
* [[Greene County Conspiracy]] - 12 YEARS LATER, Chris still sits in the dark and complains about people hating him for being Autistic

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]|}}
{{Writings}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Poetry]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1998-05-15]]

Sarah Nicole Hammer

2018-11-21T17:02:19Z

Mr3urious: /* Saramah Rosechu */

{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Animal Crossing card]] describing Sarah Hammer; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}

[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarahcropped.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris & Sarah shortly after her wedding<ref>According to Chris's comments on the [[CWCipedia]], this picture was taken shortly after Sarah's wedding.[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#C.W.C._Growing_Up_Gallery]</ref>]]

'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age two until around age ten, when he moved away, whom he apparently considered his closest friend. Chris met Sarah again when he returned to [[Ruckersville]] after finishing [[Manchester High School]] and entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Although by [[2005]] Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend, he seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her since childhood.

As far as can be told, Chris has had no contact with Sarah since he came into [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the spotlight]], and unlike [[Megan Schroeder]], there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence to suggest that Sarah has even seen the comics (other than the ''Life Shares'' booklet Chris gave her as a gift way back in 2003), or has any opinion on them.

==Sarah Hammer in real life==
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}

[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Anything in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets, playing hide and seek, and rollerskating.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Chris recounts a story in which Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is sometimes alleged to be poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its "dangers". And you know what they say: a girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7.</ref> and would not see Sarah again until after he returned to Ruckersville on June [[2000]].<ref name="LifeShares10">[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref> In [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]], made on 4 June 1998, Chris named one of the characters after Sarah, suggesting that he was still thinking about her at the time.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

===Adulthood===

Chris returned to Ruckersville on 20 June 2000.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 1]]</ref> Between that year and [[2003]] Sarah grew up and shed her old image, and became so attractive to Chris that he later called her "a spittin' image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> How much they two had kept in touch as adults is not fully clear. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], which was completed on on 21 July 2003,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Credits|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 16</ref> Chris notes that since moving to Ruckersville he "was not able to interact with Sarah as much as he used to".<ref name="LifeShares10" /> With that being said, some contact was apparently kept between Sarah and Chris, as she did visit the Chandlers on Christmas 2003. The following Christmas Chris had hoped that Sarah will come again and had even made a present for her,<ref>[[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 2]]</ref> but to his disappointment Sarah spent Christmas elsewhere on that year.<ref>[[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]]</ref>

====With Wes Iseli====
By Chris's admission, he hadn't had much contact with Sarah after he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. Unfortunately for him, at a certain point Sarah started dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]], eventually moving in with him at some point prior to July [[2000]].<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]. page 12.</ref> Learning about this development was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. A similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by [[4chan|/v/]], and he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes as one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurred him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].

The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a [[friend zone|closer platonic friendship]]. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.

To this day, no records exist of what Sarah's reaction to any of this insanity was, not even in Chris's recounting of the events.

====With William Spicer====
Eventually Sarah broke up with Wes. We can infer that the break-up had happened no later than 31 March 2005, as it was noted by Chris on that date when he updated [[Story of My Current Days]]. Chris mentions of having learned of the break-up from Wes himself rather than Sarah. Chris also noted in his update that Sarah had started a romantic relationship with another man named [[William Spicer]].<ref>[[Story of My Current Days#Story of my Love Quest days]]</ref> She eventually married and now has a child with him. The ups and downs of how Chris took this news are captured in how the fictional Chris reacted in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] after Sarah tells him, and in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] when Chris made a comic adaptation of her wedding. Chris knew so little about Spicer, probably having never met him, that in the comic he decided to depict the groom as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] character so that he wouldn't have to draw the actual person. If the comic is anything to go by, Chris did not attend the wedding in real life, but quietly accepted Sarah's decision anyway. In the videobook version of the story, Chris even explicitly states he was not invited;<ref>[[Sonichu 5 Official Videobook#Episode 13]]</ref> it is not unlikely that this statement applies to reality as well as fiction. William Spicer was spared the fate of being made into a one dimensional Sonichu villain like his predecessor was however, though not because Wes had done wrong while William had not, but rather because Wes was unlucky enough to have dated Sarah while Chris was interested in her, while by the time William was marrying her, Chris had already moved on to [[Megan]].

===Epilogue===

In a chat from 16 [[April 2009]], Chris mentioned that the last time he had seen Sarah was shortly after her wedding. He had heard little of her afterwards except for a few updates from her father and [[Joshua Martinez]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref> On 18 [[April 2010]] Chris again stated that he had lost touch with Sarah after her marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Nicole Hammer (Spicer)]]</ref> On 14 [[March 2010]], shortly after the CWCki instituted [[CWCki:The Wallflower|The Wallflower policy]], Chris wrote a blog post asking that the CWCki will erase from its pages all the references to various people he cares about, Sarah among them.<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 March 2010]]</ref>

==Sarah in the comic==
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sarah Hammer / Nicole Rammer
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology#1982|13 October 1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human
|-
|'''Evolves into'''
| Saramah Rosechu
|}

Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blew his wad]] right away, revealing the identities of at least two of these characters a few pages later in the [[Classic Sonichu Strips]].

===Sarah Hammer/Nicole Rammer===
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Sarah Hammer and the Lightning Bracelets.]]

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. Although at first she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah [[Chris and his Ego|remembered who was writing the comic]], so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].

Though Sarah technically did not appear again until [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], she did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']]. The one which she appeared in was reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] and established as having taken place a few weeks before the events of Sub-Episode 7.

Later, in ''Sonichu #5'', Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]]. In spite of this issue being based around Sarah's wedding and being intended as a sendoff to her character, she did remarkably little in this story, just [[Women's rights|filling the role of the kidnapped princess]].

Sarah was not seen in the comic for a long time afterwards, but she did appear again in [[Sonichu Special 2]], also known as the Wedding Comic. In this comic, she attends Chris's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], dressing [[Tomgirl|in drag]] and acting as the best man, since Chris doesn't actually have any friends other than her who could fill that role other than [[Sonichu|fictional characters]] or possibly [[Bob Chandler|his father]]. One can't shake the feeling that he'd probably ask Sarah to do this in a real life wedding too.

Thanks to the efforts of [[Nintendo]] lawyer [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Sarah later became one of many characters who had their names [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in the story, due to being based on real life people. As such, in the [[Sonichu Videobooks]], Sarah Hammer instead became Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]].

===Saramah Rosechu===
{{quote|Sarhamah's [sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, [[Angelica|angelic]], and simply irresistible.|[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]].}}

[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, abiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him. Sarah is able to activate this form through use of the Lightning Bracelets, which act as her own equivalent to Chris's [[Sonichu Medallion]] or Wes Iseli's Fireshock Pendant.

Prior to the retcon, Saramah Rosechu was a much more sensible name for Sarah's Sonichu form, even if still slightly weird. Since the change however, new readers of the comic who are not aware of the background of the character are just left baffled by the strange notion that a woman named "Nicole" transforms into a hedgehog and is then named "Sarah" for some reason. If Chris had not left this glaring oversight out, she would have been called "Nicomar Rosechu".

Due to her lack of a large role in the comics, Saramah Rosechu doesn't have many powers compared to the other two chosen ones of the prophecy. While Chris and Wes both use weird [[Pokémon]] related attacks or [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards to fight, aside from the retarded Team Blast attack ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'', Sarah is only ever seen using her bow and arrow to fight with. Both the bow and arrow are lightning bolt-shaped. They may or may not be literally made of electricity. [[Chris and art|It's hard to tell with Chris's art.]]

===Queen of the Cherokian Clan===
[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|left|100px|The only picture of her to this date.]]

Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.

Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap material. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]], which she was tutored in using by a vision of the Queen.

The queen hasn't shown up since that single appearance, and considering that Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in ''Sonichu #5'' save for her brief cameo at Chris's wedding,<ref>[[Wedding Comic]], [[:Image:SchuComicSP2P6.jpg|p. 6]]</ref> it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.

Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American; although she's still blonde and blue-eyed, she's wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. At least Chris got that part right.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|A CD for Sarah
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" [[Animal Crossing]] Card.
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer card back.
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Sarhamah" Animal Crossing Card.
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah card back.
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg|Picture of furfag Sarah.
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg|Lightning Bracelets ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu #2'']]
*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes Iseli]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Anchuent Prophecy]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hammer, Sarah Nicole}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Hair

2018-11-17T03:20:39Z

Mr3urious: /* Body hair */

[[File:Is chris's hair getting better.png|thumb|250px|Comparison of Chris's hair. Left: November 2015<ref>[[Thank You from Christine Chandler‎]]</ref> (age 33). Right: November 2016<ref>[[I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously]]</ref> (age 34).]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]].

==Condition==
[[File:ADlEp.jpg|Chris's hair in all its glory, pre-[[Tomgirl]].|thumb]]

Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, [[Barb]] served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his [[clown shirt]] and social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. His hair has entered something of a nearly decades-long plateau, as even when he does take a shower, his hair's appearance virtually remains the same, as evidenced by his [[HairDifference|2010 video demonstration]].

Switching shampoos hasn't helped, either. In his early 20s, Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his [[Love Quest]], he shifted to "[[AXE]] brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a tomgirl, he changed it again to Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." If his photographic record is anything to go by, nothing seems to have worked; firsthand observer [[Catherine]] thought it "looked like straw."

Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygienic habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh...I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

===Tomgirl hair===
[[File:Cwc neptune.png|thumb|In 2016, Chris told [[Arthur Spatchcock]] that he thought his hair resembled [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Neptune]]'s. You be the judge.]]

For most of his life he kept it short and didn't alter it significantly, but shortly before the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began in 2011, Chris started growing his hair out, and after it began, he also started bleaching his hair. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although [[Christian Weston Chandler#Early life|early photos]] from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dyeing his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple of years it remained at approximately this length.

[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]

Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his tomgirl/lesbian identity. In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. He had to wear a wig for a while. He also saved a clump of hair clippings and wore it around his neck in hopes that it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>

{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}

Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband, in order to cover up his bald spot. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly [[anime wings]] to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival and [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]] of 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink [[My Little Pony]] tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.

[[File:OmegaconD.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in 2015, showing horrible [[tomgirl]] hair dye and receding hairline.]]
He dyed his hair blue in 2015, for his [[OmegaCon]] cosplay. Of course, he again failed to bleach the hair beforehand. The result is that his hair gradually turned to a sickly green color.

{{quote|But then also the way my hair turned out, after the semi-permanent hair color, kind of makes me look like Sailor Nep-- Neptune.|Chris<ref>[[Arthur Spatchcock]]</ref>}}

===Hair loss===
[[File:A little song and dance (720p 30fps H264-192kbit AAC).mp400001.png|thumb|Pictured in 2015: a prominent bald spot on the top of his head, typically concealed with a headband (which had slipped off in the still image).<ref>[[A little song and dance]]</ref>]]

Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. Since hitting his late 20s, his hairline has been receding very quickly. When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris asserted that he was not going bald, and he was untroubled. "When it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge", he declared.

In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event in 2010, a bald spot was seen starting to appear on the back of his head. By 2014, at 32, pictures showed that his hairline had receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair was more poorly managed, looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. While his hair is long, it has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. His attempts to brush a few locks forward do little to hide his constantly growing forehead. Catherine claimed in 2014 that it was "halfway" back on his scalp.

It should be noted that if one alters a photograph of Chris to remove his bastardized bangs, his hair looks almost exactly the same as it did before 2013 – slowly thinning and as greasy as ever.

[[File:CWC0916.PNG|thumb|200px|Chris, in 2016, continuing to bald.]]

2016 saw rapid acceleration of Chris's receding hairline. Cole Smithey seemed to begin shaving his head regularly around his early to mid-thirties so the timing seems about right for Chris's male pattern baldness to follow suite. Chris's ever poor hygiene and increasingly gross neglect of his remaining and now green mop-like locks certainly did not help. Chris's current hair is less that of a transitioning female, and more of a Doc Brown mixed with seaweed.

A popular theory among [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was bald too. Ominously, [[Chris and health|inactivity]], [[McDonald's|poor diet]], illness and stress are well-known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness – the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.

In recent times, Chris has taken to wearing a cap or comb over his head to cover his receding hairline, and possibly to mimic various anime characters and drawings he's seen of attractive women wearing hats. It really doesn't do his appearance much good.

==Body hair==
[[File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|thumb|Embarrassed Chris with hairy naked legs.]]
Chris has never found body hair attractive, on himself or anyone else. This is probably connected to [[Chris and gender|his hatred]] of [[JERKS|men]] and their bodies, and it began long before he became a tomgirl. In 2008, he confessed that "shorts are okay, but I don't like to show off my hairy legs." A strange [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card shows him dressed in the costume of a female character, but deeply embarrassed, in part because the dress exposes his legs, which he depicts as covered with hair. He also claimed that "facial hair, to most women, is a Turn Off," which is his [[autistic]] way of saying that he thinks beards are ugly. Consequently, early [[nudes]] of Chris showed that he shaved his torso and pubic region.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris with visible stubble on his chest from shaving or waxing.]]

It is telling that part of his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|costume]] meant to throw off the trolls included a goatee. When he needed to reclaim his identity, he pointedly [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved it off]] for the camera within two weeks, without shaving cream or even ''water'' at the very least.

After becoming a tomgirl, he put more effort into removing his body hair, at least initially. He told [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. [[Chris and brand loyalty|I would not recommend the product.]] And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my [[manboobs|nipples]]. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few [[dreams]]. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth.|Chris to Jackie|}}

He also said he had given himself a "Brazillian." A Brazilian wax consists of the removal of all pubic hair, something Chris has clearly desired for a long time.

Despite Chris's efforts, photos throughout 2013, 2014 and 2015 consistently showed that, on his face at least, whatever depilatory measures he was taking were an utter failure, as his facial stubble - his "5:00," as he calls it, is always apparent. As with every aspect of his life, his laziness thwarts his dream of looking like [[Britney Spears]].

==Hair mail==
Chris told Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], that his mother had recently cut his hair and he had saved locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls could have them as a souvenir, he even went to the trouble of wrapping each individual lock in plastic along with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself. Chris's [[Trolls|faithful fangirls]] couldn't refuse the offer.

Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a [[Sonichu]] drawing, but the [[Spanish]] side had [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].

<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."
Image:FutureCWC.jpg|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a [[tomgirl]].
File:Flirt1.jpeg|In 2014. With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman.
File:Chris facebook pic 5-29-13.jpg|Pigtails
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[HairDifference]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE

2018-11-14T02:19:36Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

Chris and Barb uploaded a series of three videos begging for mortgage money on 8 May 2018.

==WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!==
In this video, Barb is in the drivers seat asking for donations to pay the mortage. This looks to be the setting of a car repair shop. This is also the first time Barb has called Chris by "Christine" instead of the usual "Chrischun".
{{Infobox/video
| name = WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ayh2zZOS9GE}}
| stardate = 8 May 2018
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Beedee, Beedee, Beedee; I’m Back, Buck!]]
| next = [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE#SERIOUSLY, BUY THE TOYS FROM ME NOW, PLEASE!|SERIOUSLY, BUY THE TOYS FROM ME NOW, PLEASE!]]
}}

===Transcript===
Chris: Go.

Barb: Everybody out there, buy things off of Ebay.

Chris ( ''angrily'' ): Off of Christine's Ebay.

Barb: Off of Christine's Ebay, to help us pay our mortgage.

Chris: Please.

Barb: Thank you.

==SERIOUSLY, BUY THE TOYS FROM ME NOW, PLEASE!==

{{tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = SERIOUSLY, BUY THE TOYS FROM ME NOW, PLEASE!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|34DpbgfEjiU}}
| stardate = 8 May 2018
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = Blue t
| previous = [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE#WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!|WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!]]
| next = [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE#Please, HELP US! FORECLOSURE RISK HIGH!|Please, HELP US! FORECLOSURE RISK HIGH!]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, everybody, Christine Chandler coming to you live from ''home'' once again, and the ''mort''gage ''pay''ment is ''really'' due to''mor''row, and we have to make ''two'' month payments this month, and we need - and we need, like, two hundred dollars, so please GET ON [[eBay|EBAY]]! BUY THE SHIT! BUY THE STUFF! BUY THE THINGS OFF OF EBAY! We need more money! And, by the way, where did the monies go from [''rapid and incoherent''] a bunch of previous sales recently? Oh, I caught up on the past three months of the [[Patreon]] bucks, and the rest of the money had to go towards the bills and everything, okay? So PLEASE, BUY NOW! We NEED mortgage payment! We need food for the rest of the month, buy stuff OFF OF THE EBAY! I gave you my mother, there is no excuse, this is [[Honest Content|TRUTH]], this is NOT A LIE, BUY NOOOOOW!

==Please, HELP US! FORECLOSURE RISK HIGH!==
Chris pleads for the sales of his eBay items claiming that they must make 2 mortgage payments or else 14 Branchland Court could be foreclosed upon.
{{Infobox/video
| name = Please, HELP US! FORECLOSURE RISK HIGH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|krjpsh4dVgU}}
| stardate = 8 May 2018
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = Blue t
| previous =[[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE#SERIOUSLY, BUY THE TOYS FROM ME NOW, PLEASE!|SERIOUSLY, BUY THE TOYS FROM ME NOW, PLEASE!]]
| next =[[May 2018 Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nick|Happy Birthday, Nick]]
}}

===Transcript===
[inhales] Please everyone help uuuuus. [Facepalms, stress grunt] Just the past six months, I can't talk about it but the money went (intelligible) and we lost a whole bunch of money. [scratches head and grunts] And if we don't pay this mortgage they're gonna foreclose on our houuuuuuuse. Ahh, so please, please help us. Uhh, I'm gonna add more listings later but for now please, [Facepalm] go on to my eBay and [Hits self in the head repeatedly, whining] buy everything that I have on there right nooooooooooow. Please, help us, help us, help us.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan's WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SZ70HQ8qGV4}}
| stardate = 28 [[May 2018]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| subject =
| type =
| info = Please unpay our mortgage...
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Beedee, Beedee, Beedee; I’m Back, Buck!]]|nextlink=[[May 2018 Paid Video Requests]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2018]]

Talk:Rental House

2018-11-09T20:26:21Z

Mr3urious: /* State of the house today */

==Things To Do==
* Info about the house - it's on the forums
* Probably a redirect to [[Destruction Of Chris's House]] and add a section of the rental house there?

[[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 10:18, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

Just added a little more info. I don't think we'll ever get enough info for it to warrant it's on page, so I think we should merge with [[Destruction Of Chris's House|this]] like Alan said. We should keep in mind that this may be a temporary home, so perhaps it will have only a minor role in Chris's life. --[[User:SonofStarman|SonofStarman]] ([[User talk:SonofStarman|talk]]) 03:51, 22 May 2014 (UTC)

There is a lot more available information about the Rental House. The way it was discovered was interesting. http://www.cwckiforums.com/threads/28-3-2014-manchester-high-lego-competition-submission.3356/page-9#post-198196

Due to a flaw on Lego's website the original exif data form the lego pictures contained GPS information.—Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Lolsy|Lolsy]] ([[User talk:Lolsy|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Lolsy|contribs]]) 17:03, 22 May 2014 (UTC)

Nice find! I'm on it. Thanks, [[User:Lolsy|Lolsy]]! By the way, could you sign your posts next time? The talk page gets somewhat confusing if we don't. --[[User:SonofStarman|SonofStarman]] ([[User talk:SonofStarman|talk]]) 02:28, 23 May 2014 (UTC)

Someone said this house is just a few minutes away from 14 Branchland Court by car. Can anyone confirm that? --[[User:SonofStarman|SonofStarman]] ([[User talk:SonofStarman|talk]]) 03:57, 23 May 2014 (UTC)

picture looks like a murderer took it, y'all are fuckin creeps—Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Kind|Kind]] ([[User talk:Kind|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Kind|contribs]]) 05:28, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

--It's now June and there's a slow trickle of new information about this house. There are now interior photos. I predict that future events will warrant keeping this as a separate page. --asperhes, 6/24/14

I agree with [[User:Asperhes|Asperhes]]. We now have a couple good photos of the exterior, thanks to [[User:skyraider91]], and Chris is bound to continue posting interior photos as well. The way things seem currently (almost 6 months and no restoration activity at 14BLC) makes me think they're planning to be at the rental for a bit longer than we initially expected. Worst case scenario, they move out tomorrow and we merge it into the fire page, but for now I'd leave it as is. --[[User:CWCTime|CWCTime]] ([[User talk:CWCTime|talk]]) 01:29, 29 June 2014 (UTC)

: Removed the merge template as I found the article quite informative. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 14:58, 6 July 2014 (UTC)

==ADDRESS==
Yesterday, Chris made a video about a brushfire occurring next to his house, and accidentally doxxed himself and revealed his new address. --[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 19:10, 7 November 2014 (UTC)

==New page==
I can't seem to get the [[Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!]] page to create. Feel free to put in this[http://pastebin.com/MJdRZuUB] template if you can get it to create. --[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 14:22, 8 November 2014 (UTC)

==Internet==
It says that Chris has access to a computer and the internet, but, from what I've seen from his fb posts, he seems to only post from his iPhone - and there has been discussion that he can only get WiFi at certain locations. This would suggest, unless I've missed something, that he doesn't have a computer, or internet access at this house, likely meaning that he lost his computer during the fire. I'm going to go through the fb posts again to check if I've missed something, but I just wondered if anyone knew for definite that he has a computer and/or internet access at his new place. [[User:Kaltenbrunner|Kaltenbrunner]] ([[User talk:Kaltenbrunner|talk]]) 11:53, 22 January 2015 (UTC)

== Friend they stayed with ==

It says that they stayed with a friend before moving into the rental house. Does anyone know who the friend was?
-[[User:GhostofKittyChandler|GhostofKittyChandler]] ([[User talk:GhostofKittyChandler|talk]]) 16:37, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

== State of the house today ==

Anyone know if the house is still vacant as of this year? That place had to have been cleaned up by now, and it's doubtful that the Chandlers were so slovenly as to make it unlivable to anyone else.

--[[User:Mr3urious|Mr3urious]] ([[User talk:Mr3urious|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2018 (UTC)

Talk:Rental House

2018-11-09T20:26:08Z

Mr3urious:

==Things To Do==
* Info about the house - it's on the forums
* Probably a redirect to [[Destruction Of Chris's House]] and add a section of the rental house there?

[[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 10:18, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

Just added a little more info. I don't think we'll ever get enough info for it to warrant it's on page, so I think we should merge with [[Destruction Of Chris's House|this]] like Alan said. We should keep in mind that this may be a temporary home, so perhaps it will have only a minor role in Chris's life. --[[User:SonofStarman|SonofStarman]] ([[User talk:SonofStarman|talk]]) 03:51, 22 May 2014 (UTC)

There is a lot more available information about the Rental House. The way it was discovered was interesting. http://www.cwckiforums.com/threads/28-3-2014-manchester-high-lego-competition-submission.3356/page-9#post-198196

Due to a flaw on Lego's website the original exif data form the lego pictures contained GPS information.—Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Lolsy|Lolsy]] ([[User talk:Lolsy|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Lolsy|contribs]]) 17:03, 22 May 2014 (UTC)

Nice find! I'm on it. Thanks, [[User:Lolsy|Lolsy]]! By the way, could you sign your posts next time? The talk page gets somewhat confusing if we don't. --[[User:SonofStarman|SonofStarman]] ([[User talk:SonofStarman|talk]]) 02:28, 23 May 2014 (UTC)

Someone said this house is just a few minutes away from 14 Branchland Court by car. Can anyone confirm that? --[[User:SonofStarman|SonofStarman]] ([[User talk:SonofStarman|talk]]) 03:57, 23 May 2014 (UTC)

picture looks like a murderer took it, y'all are fuckin creeps—Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Kind|Kind]] ([[User talk:Kind|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Kind|contribs]]) 05:28, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

--It's now June and there's a slow trickle of new information about this house. There are now interior photos. I predict that future events will warrant keeping this as a separate page. --asperhes, 6/24/14

I agree with [[User:Asperhes|Asperhes]]. We now have a couple good photos of the exterior, thanks to [[User:skyraider91]], and Chris is bound to continue posting interior photos as well. The way things seem currently (almost 6 months and no restoration activity at 14BLC) makes me think they're planning to be at the rental for a bit longer than we initially expected. Worst case scenario, they move out tomorrow and we merge it into the fire page, but for now I'd leave it as is. --[[User:CWCTime|CWCTime]] ([[User talk:CWCTime|talk]]) 01:29, 29 June 2014 (UTC)

: Removed the merge template as I found the article quite informative. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 14:58, 6 July 2014 (UTC)

==ADDRESS==
Yesterday, Chris made a video about a brushfire occurring next to his house, and accidentally doxxed himself and revealed his new address. --[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 19:10, 7 November 2014 (UTC)

==New page==
I can't seem to get the [[Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!]] page to create. Feel free to put in this[http://pastebin.com/MJdRZuUB] template if you can get it to create. --[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 14:22, 8 November 2014 (UTC)

==Internet==
It says that Chris has access to a computer and the internet, but, from what I've seen from his fb posts, he seems to only post from his iPhone - and there has been discussion that he can only get WiFi at certain locations. This would suggest, unless I've missed something, that he doesn't have a computer, or internet access at this house, likely meaning that he lost his computer during the fire. I'm going to go through the fb posts again to check if I've missed something, but I just wondered if anyone knew for definite that he has a computer and/or internet access at his new place. [[User:Kaltenbrunner|Kaltenbrunner]] ([[User talk:Kaltenbrunner|talk]]) 11:53, 22 January 2015 (UTC)

== Friend they stayed with ==

It says that they stayed with a friend before moving into the rental house. Does anyone know who the friend was?
-[[User:GhostofKittyChandler|GhostofKittyChandler]] ([[User talk:GhostofKittyChandler|talk]]) 16:37, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

== State of the house today ==

Anyone know if the house is still vacant as of this year? That place had to have been cleaned up by now, and it's doubtful that the Chandlers were so slovenly as to make the place unlivable to anyone else.

--[[User:Mr3urious|Mr3urious]] ([[User talk:Mr3urious|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2018 (UTC)

Brushfire Video

2018-11-09T20:23:49Z

Mr3urious:

The '''Brushfire Video''' (officially '''Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!''') is a video uploaded by Chris to [[YouTube]] on 6 [[November 2014]]. The video was posted in conjunction with a [[November 2014 Facebook Posts#The Shovel Mech Horror|rant]] on [[Facebook]] that Chris made while observing a [[JERKS|man]] using an excavator to manage a small bonfire of brush and debris in the lot adjacent to the [[Rental House|rental house]]. The video features an actual conversation between Chris and Barb, the likes of which had not been seen since [[You're Always Pretty]]. The crunching and plinking sounds imply that it was shot rather nonchalantly during breakfast or lunch.

Chris is deeply disgruntled by the whole affair. Even after a 911 operator dismissed the obvious distress of the Chandler household, and the video clearly shows that fire poses no threat to the Chandler household, the fact that Chris would fly into a rage because of someone else ignoring fire hazards is [[Destruction of Chris's House|ironic]], to say the least.

The video has better quality than [[Chris and cinematography|usual]], having apparently been made with the YouTube Capture app on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]]. It is, however, quite possibly one of the shakiest videos he has made this side of [[Sonichu's Edge]].

Note that the long title of the video reveals the address of his temporary home, Chris having learned nothing about revealing personal information despite all his troubles. He thought that his [[trolls|detractors]] would be unable to find the video by putting it in "Unlisted" mode on YouTube. It didn't work.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jMB29umbBRg}}
| stardate = 6 [[November 2014]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Hypocrisy]]}}, {{Website|[[YouTube]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| previous = [[To Mr. Smith]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Mario_Circuit_Again|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
}}

==Transcript==
[''The first bit of the video is silent. "The Hills Are Alive" plays in the background. The camera takes a view out the window of an excavator. The operator of the excavator is using the machine to put some branches onto the bonfire. Nine seconds in, there is a jump cut to a new shot of the window. At the 1:17 mark, [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] presumably tells Chris that the excavator is none of his business.'']

Well, it IS my business, I'm livin' right...next door to dis here. [''Plenty of crunching and rustling sounds can be heard in the background. At 1:36, Barb asks "Are you watching from upstairs?"'']

YEAH, and I'm RECORDING it on my iPod! Video! Mmhem. Yeah, you see what he's...you see, he moved his...shovel mech, and he's...lookin' like he's trying to, he's either stokin' it, or he's trying to put it out! [''Barb says "He doesn't have much to put it out with."''] Well, he could try covering it with the dirt, [[Speech impediment|nanowats]], that's what's looks like he is doing right now!

[''More silence, then two grunts from Chris and plenty of rattling, followed by more silence. Barb says "He's tryin' to put dirt over it to start cleanin' it up."'']

YOU LOOKED FROM DOWNSTAIRS OR OUTSIDE? [''Barb replies with "The dirt and smoke will get you down there."''] YEAH. [''Jingling in the background, probably Snoopy's dog tag.''] Ey, [[Snoopy]]. [''More silence.''] This can go on YouTube. "Shoveling Male Idiot Tries to Put Out Fire...Surrounding a Forest...and...Neighborhood!" An' there's a lake nearby. Y'know WHAT? He could scoop some water and put it OVER the damn fire! [''More silence.''] Amamatried callin' 911, but guess what? The [[Jerkop|darn idiots]] won't...listen. They think, "He's not [[Chris and the Law|breakin' any LAAAAHZ]]!" Consarnit, they don't have a lick a' [[Chris and reality|common sense]]!

Oh, LOOK at this now! [''pause''] He drivin' away from the damn fire....oh, wait, he turnin' around! [''The music suddenly changes, as Barb's phone starts ringing. The ringtone is "[[wikipedia:Street Life (The Crusaders album)|Street Life]]" by The Crusaders.''] Oh, now what? Eymuna--

[''Jump cut to a new shot of the window. More silence, with the song "It Might as Well Be Spring" in the background and either [[Clover]] or Snoopy howling. The man has finished putting fuel on the fire, and is now moving the excavator away. Chris uses his [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] voice.''] Yep, I'm driving away! I stoked the fire, and now I'm driving away! I'm an idiot or somethin', look at me! I'm driving away from the fire after I darn stoked it! And the wind it heavy over here, I can feel it! And now I just turn myself around. And now I'm gonna sit here and watch the damn fire some more! [''normal voice''] Somebody, please call 911 and tell 'em to get over here!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[To Mr. Smith]]|nextlink=[[26 December 2014|Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Wes Iseli

2018-09-10T18:34:45Z

Mr3urious: /* Wes-Li Sonichu */

{{quote|Wes is a magician and regretfully, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah's]] boyfriend. Because of this, Christian is very jealous and dislikes him much.|[[:Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg|Wes Iseli ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}

[[Image:WesIseli2.jpg|thumb|Wes Iseli: party magician, charity worker, married man, and evil hedgehog.]]

'''Wes Iseli''' (pronounced [wɛs ˈaɪzli])<ref>[[Mumble 4]], around 22 minutes in</ref> (born 10 November 1977) [[Emily|briefly dated]] [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]], Chris's long-time [[gal pal|gal-pal]]. Wes is a magician in real life (available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs) and is currently married to another woman.

Although [[trolls]] have been trying to contact Wes ever since they found his various online accounts, he hasn't offered any official statements on [[Chris]] or his involvement in [[Sonichu (comic)|the Sonichu comics]]. Apparently, he doesn't feel the need to talk shit about some guy he barely knew just because he was jealous of Wes's relationship with an ex-girlfriend of his.

== In real life ==
Wes Iseli was known to have dated Sarah Hammer at some point during Chris's [[Manchester High School|High School]] years. Chris claims to have originally been provoked into his [[Love Quest]] after becoming [[Chris and anger|enraged]] at seeing Sarah sitting on Wes's lap. Much like with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], this lead to a one sided blood feud with him, and he began to see Wes as a romantic rival and an enemy, even though Sarah saw Chris as nothing more than a friend and Wes himself probably barely even knew Chris as anything other than "that autistic kid Sarah hangs out with".

The trio of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and [[Black Sonichu]] in Chris's early ideas before the comic started, existed to represent the "hero, lover and rival" triangle that Chris believed himself, Sarah and Wes to fulfill as well, with Chris [[Ego|obviously]] cast as the hero, and Wes as the villain. This is evident in the [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] story, in which he represented himself and Sarah as Sonichu and Rosechu, and when Wes was brought up in passing, Chris included a drawing of Blake holding a magic wand and magician's hat, complete with helpful annotation pointing out that he was evil. Chris would later come up with unique Sonichu forms for himself, Wes and Sarah instead of using Sonichu, Rosechu and Blake as stand-ins, and these new Sonichu forms would go on to be featured in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].

Chris also included avatars of Wes in his homemade ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' and ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, for both his human form and his Sonichu form in each, (though in the ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' cards the human Wes Iseli was just named as "A [[Jerk]]").

Wes (under comic alias Walter Grisby) was mentioned in the infamous [[Chris Loses It]] video. In that video, Chris, after performing a spectacular act of [[tard rage]], pretends to call Walter Grisby, asking him "Who threw the frisbee?", before yelling at the telephone and [[:Category:Videos with Camera Abuse|throwing it]] at the [[PSEye]].

== In the comic ==
[[File:Wls.PNG|thumb|Wes-Li is pissed.]]

As the author of the comic, when Chris first made [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]] he was given the unique opportunity to [[Chris and reality|revise his personal history with Wes]] at his leisure. Comic Wes differs from his real life counterpart in that whilst the real Wes Iseli broke up with Sarah, moved on, married another woman, probably forgot Chris ever existed and is now [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcybvGOvmrY running a charity which helps fight Parkinson's Disease], Comic Wes appears to have [[Chris and his Ego|held a grudge against Chris]] ever since he first met him while he was dating Sarah, in spite of Chris having nothing he wanted and Wes having no reason to care about Chris. Dialogue also indicates that he was still dating Sarah by the time the trio first gained their powers, as Sarah "breaks up" with him halfway through Episode 8.

=== Wesley Iseli/Walter Grisby ===
Wes Iseli (later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] as "'''Walter Grisby'''") was one of the chosen three of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], alongside [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. Wes learned that he was the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], and upon gaining his powers his own ancestor implored him to take vengeance upon the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who was now Chris. Wes, knowing of Chris's jealousy towards him, accepts.

He later finds both Chris and [[Sonichu]] out on the "rough terrain" just outside [[CWCville]], and the two fight, not only over their current feud, but also over the Cherokee/Wasabi war in the ancient past, over the [[Cherokian Crown]]. Wes grabs the crown out of thin air during the fight (implying he stole it from Chris, which was [[Chris and Writing|never depicted]] and eventually the fight ends when Sarah appears and pins Wes against a tree with a lightning arrow, just as he was about to defeat Chris. Sarah breaks up with him, he whines a bit, [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris tells him to suck it up and move on]], and he then unites with Chris and Sarah to defeat the [[Wikipedia:Golem|golem]] summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

[[Image:Sonichu05-P12.jpg|thumb|Wes-Li Sonichu apparently [[Chris and art|grows to about 20 feet tall]], does an [[Wikipedia:Edward G. Robinson|Edward G. Robinson]] impression, and kidnaps [[Sarah Hammer]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]]]

In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] he appeared again to use his magical powers to kidnap Sarah at her wedding to [[William Spicer]]. Despite ostensibly not wanting to be kidnapped, Sarah neglects to employ any of her Anchuent powers, and thus Chris must take him down. This being the early days of the [[Megan]] Saga, Chris drew heavily from anime themes in this issue, so Chris and Wes did battle via [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|children's card games]] rather than an actual fight. Chris loses (again), proving for a second time that Wes was a superior fighter to him, but he and Sarah are saved by [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi La Skunk]], and the wedding continues without issue.

Iseli was briefly seen in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], attending the conference of villains following Christian's disappearance into the [[Time Void]]. Given that the conference was run by Mary and Count Graduon, the evil that Wes was destined to defeat alongside Chris and Sarah, the prophecy seems to have gone horribly wrong. Chris, naturally, does not address this.

Wes was last seen in the comic in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']], appearing on a grand total of two pages. First early in the issue, where he was seen scouting around the city in preparation for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] attack, assisted by [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and [[Silvana]], and later on again, when he calls Mary and tells her that a magic dome was protecting the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] from attack, and that they needed Mary to come down there personally to get through. He is never seen fighting in this issue, and it is to date his final appearance.

Still to this day, Wes's final fate remains unknown. Whether he was counted among the brainwashing victims freed by Chris or not has never been stated, and depending on whether or not Wes was acting of his own free will in helping Mary and the PVCC, he may or may not be the last surviving villain other than [[Clawdorf]] and [[Metal Sonichu]] after the [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] purge.

===Wes-Li Sonichu===
[[Image:FlameSnipers.jpg|thumb|Wes-li's Flame Sniper (left) compared to Sailor Mars' Flame Sniper (right).]]

Wes-Li Sonichu (pronounced [wɛzlaɪ], "Wez-lie", according to Chris's [[videobooks]], and as "Wesley" according to the [[Audiobooks]]) is the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] form of Wes Iseli when he is transformed by the Fireshock Pendant empowered by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Although the prophecy foretold that Wes-Li, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan]], and [[Saramah Rosechu|Saramah]] would work together to defeat [[Count Graduon]], Wes's spitefulness toward Chris and his bitterness at having been rejected by [[Sarah Hammer]] would lead him to use his powers for evil.

Prior to the retcon, Wes-Li was a passable pun. With the name change, it makes absolutely no sense that a person named "Walter Grisby" would have an alter ego that does not resemble his name in any way - unless one knows the background of this character. Renaming him something like "Wal-By Sonichu" was something Chris did not bother with.

As he is not featured much, Wes-Li Sonichu is not seen to possess anything like the absurdly vast array of powers that Chris-Chan Sonichu does. He is however, seen using the Pokémon moves Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Mega Kick and Sky Uppercut, as well as a move known as the Flame Sniper, in which he uses a bow and arrow made of fire to shoot at a target. The name and attack itself are another rip-off from [[Sailor Moon]]. With help from Chris-Chan and Saramah, Wes-Li can also use the "Team Blast: Blue Fireball Attack", but being the stupid Deus Ex Machina finishing move it is, the attack is used only once to destroy Graduon's golem and is never used again. It is also ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]''.

=== Wasabi Rival ===
[[File:Wasabi rival.jpg|100px|thumb|left|The Wasabi Rival or the Pope? YOU DECIDE!]]

The Wasabi Rival was the ancient alter ego of Wes Iseli in the ''Sonichu'' comics. According to ''[[Sonichu 2]]'', the [[Wasabi Clan]] were contemporaries of the Ancient Cherokee. One of the Wasabi, presumably a leader figure of some sort, somehow determined that stealing the [[Cherokian Crown]] from his [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|rival]] would allow him and his tribe to rule the world. This led to a bitter rivalry between the ambitious Wasabi man and the Cherokian Leader. Despite their differences, the Cherokian Leader and his Wasabi Rival were eventually able to forge a temporary alliance against the greater menace of [[Count Graduon]]. Together, the Wasabi and Cherokee defeated Graduon, imprisoning him within a magic scepter for centuries.

Years later, when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was at last fulfilled, the Wasabi Rival appeared in a vision to his reincarnation, Wes Iseli, in order to instruct him in use of the Fireshock Pendant. Exactly how and why the Wasabi Rival is able to communicate with Wes like this is not explained. He teaches Wes how to use all his powers and sends him off to his first battle.

Notably, even though the entire reason Wes had the powers at all was because Count Graduon had come back and needed to be stopped again, something the Wasabi Rival should have known was the priority at that moment, he still told Wes to go after Chris and steal the [[Cherokian Crown]] anyway. Either that crown is ''really, really important'', or the Wasabi Rival just enjoys being a douche from beyond the grave.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:290-ACWes.jpg|Human Wes. Note that everything is on fire behind him.
Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg|Page quote is from this card.
File:Wes.PNG|Another drawing of Wes that, of course, [[Chris and art|doesn't look anything like the first one]]. Note the Fireshock Pendant and rabbit in a hat.
Image:295-WesLi.jpg|Flame on, bitch!
Image:140-AJerk.jpg|Chris, ripping himself off.
Image:296-FireshockPendant.jpg|Fireshock Pendant
Image:294-YuWesLi.jpg|It's just not as impressive without the flame background.
Image:292-ACWesLi.jpg|And even less so with the ''Animal Crossing'' logo.
File:127-LevelBattle.jpg|[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] takes on a villain.
Image:293-ACWesLiBck.jpg|Notice how the human Wes has no star sign, but Wes-Li does.
File:Wes_li_xbox.jpg|Wes Li plays [[HEXbox]], further cementing his villainous status.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://partymagic.50megs.com/ Old magic site]
* [http://wesiseli.com/ New magic site]
* [http://www.youtube.com/wesleyiseli YouTube account]
* [http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1205570207 Facebook]

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Iseli, Wes}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Chris and health

2017-07-12T23:10:59Z

Mr3urious:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Eat less [[/cow/|cow]] meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and [[Fanta|Fruit]] are a must; [[A Hike|Walking]] or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|[[Chris]]'s [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

Chris, as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], [[Power|lack of exercise]], [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|poor nutrition]], [[ShowerClean|refusal to bathe]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|the grave uncleanliness]] of [[Rental House|his]] [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]], and possibly a premature [[Death|death]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily, including ones mixed with [[Navy|a special ingredient]].]]

Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. The frequency of his fast food trips was confirmed in 2015 when a Kiwi Farms user sent him $500 to see what he would do with it.

[[File:Sonic rainboom $500 1.png|thumb|left|Chris visited McDonalds 10 times in 13 days. It's not even the only fast-food place on the list.]]

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video--an incredibly basic dish, mind you--he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead mimed the act and microwaved some canned spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwaveable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to [[Chris and anger|increase erratic behavior]]<ref>[http://www.naturalnews.com/042974_soda_consumption_brain_function_hyperactivity.html|Natural News]</ref>). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does, he travels to McDonald's or another fast food restaurant with a breakfast menu.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|ramming stuff]] [[Homos#Evidence that Chris might be gay|in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, yet he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that he was prescribed [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the call) is uncertain.

[[File:Hypnosis for fatter ass.png|thumb|200px|Chris wants to use subliminal hypnosis to make his belly slimmer but his ass fatter.]]
In 2016, he began listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] videos as an attempt to improve his health. He liked videos such as '''Lose Weight Super Fast!''', '''Produce Odorless Farts Fast!''', '''Eliminate Armpit Odor Permanently Fast!''' and '''Lower Your Blood Pressure Fast! Hypertension Treatment'''.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]
* [[Burger King]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]!]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[vidya]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in [[WelcometoBollywood]] he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to flexing and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog 5 miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take 6 breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.

Chris's lack of muscle tone may stem from hypotonia (lack of muscle tone), which can occur in people on the [[autism]] spectrum,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypotonia</ref> although it is clear that his poor lifestyle has only exacerbated this.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|"Did you bathe?" "No"]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]].]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu]] that he smells good, and asks him if he bathed, like it's some kind of event. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that using Axe is an acceptable substitute for a shower or bath.</ref> Rosechu seems to confirm this belief, as upon being told of the Axe usage she makes an awful attempt at suggestive wordplay, suggesting both that using Axe makes Sonichu clean enough for sex and that cheap deodorant has an aphrodisiac effect on Rosechu.

It would appear that Chris compounds this hygiene problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> It may be that Chris just gets into "nice" clothing to make his videos and as such doesn't get them dirty, allowing for him to use the same ones repeatedly, although this hygienic habit would be at odds with everything else he does.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his [[hair]], which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man. And even when washed, it looks exactly as greasy and unkempt as it did before, as seen in the [[HairDifference]] videos. This neglect will only make his hair fall out even faster than it already is.

This lack of cleanliness, combined with the state of his [[Chris's Room|room]] where he spends almost all his time, means that Chris and his surroundings must smell absolutely ''disgusting''. Chris evidently simply tolerates the horrible odours, perhaps not noticing them anymore. It may be that he has an abnormally weak or insensitive sense of smell; few other things would allow for such living conditions.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]] (doubtlessly offending his victorious opponents) and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years. [[BlueSpike]] also mentions Chris's usage of hand sanitizer throughout [[Julie Reveals Herself]].

One day in September 2014, Chris decided to give himself [[Un-clit|a piercing on his perineum]]. Piercings require constant disinfection while they heal, anywhere on the body, even for very clean people, and so many trolls were concerned that considering Chris's general filthiness and the fact that the location of the piercing would receive very little air, there was a serious risk of infection. In December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that, while it wasn't infected, the piercing had begun to reject (''tearing the skin'' in the process). Making lemonade out of lemons, Chris (now in the throes of his transwoman fantasy) noted with pride the tear's semblance to a [[China|vagina]] and actually got it re-pierced, without giving the original wound any longer than about a week to heal. Fortunately, Chris gave up on it after it became clear that the piercing was going to be more hassle than it was worth, and removed it for good before any serious harm was done.
{{clear}}

==Living conditions==
[[File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|thumb|Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.]]
''Main article: [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Rental House]]''

Simply put, Chris has spent many years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and untidiness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he has so unwisely shared with the world showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]]. Trolls also managed to [[Rocky Shoemaker call|extract]] from [[Rocky Shoemaker]] that the house was suffering some sort of infestation, which led to [[Bob]] being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the [[Destruction of Chris's House|fire]], it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items [[Barb]] had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after the fire, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits, as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house revealed a steadily growing number of [[Lego]] boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for [[eBay]], he inadvertently photographed rat faeces on the carpet as well. When [[Trolls|concerned customers]] pointed this out Chris [[Chris and reality|flatly denied it]], even though [[Honor roll|he had given them photographic proof to the contrary]]. Moreover, after [[Catherine]] visited in [[August 2014]], she recalled seeing junk "piled up to the ceiling" and the dogs not being housebroken and allowed to urinate and defecate in piles of newspaper on the floor. While Chris and Barb returned to the renovated 14 Branchland Court in [[January 2015]], one can only imagine the reaction of the landlord to the state in which they left the house, which, as of [[April 2015]], was still vacant, probably due to the mess they made.

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered high school. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|dirty]], thus simultaneously improving and worsening his sight along different feature dimensions. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Son-Chu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
{{Main|Fangs}}
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Talk about [[honest content]]!]]

Chris's fondness for bearing his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell (partly due to Chris's [[Chris and cinematography|awful camerawork]]), in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[Fanta|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]]. He seems to be unwilling to brush his teeth, or at least chew some [[Brand loyalty|Orbit gum]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto), to schizophrenia (signs include his disorganized speech and writing, loss of contact with [[Chris and reality|reality]], and paranoid ideas about being the victim of persecution or "conspiracies" - such as his delusional belief that [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Michael Snyder]] were somehow responsible for him getting banned from [[Walmart]]).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch—he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For over 6 years, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart|young white women]] [[Chris and reality|who are interested in a relationship with him]], and yet he still falls for it time after time. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in [[Naive|ignorance]], isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years — because he remained a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] into his early 30's, and judging by his [[Autism|oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world]] [[The Adventures of the American Rabbit|tainted]] [[Video games|by]] [[Chris and reality|fiction]] [[Chris and television|and]] [[Chris and brand loyalty|media messages]], [[Chris and sex#Chris and gender|treatment of women]] and [[Chris and sex|stunted understanding of sexual relationships]], because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris has lost his virginity, however, and as of yet, has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life, in fact he has been plunging himself into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24 ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However...]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jail time in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "counselor"]]), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to the education system, as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his [[Ego|anger at being forced to obey the law]] on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Another mental factor that has affected Chris's overall health is [[stress]]. In August 2013, Chris indicated that the stress he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. In 2016, he implied that he has hypertension.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis#Likes]]</ref>

Chris began listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] videos on YouTube in 2016. On 29 June, he uploaded [[Announcement 06292016|Announcement 06292016-2]], in which he claimed that the music cured his autism:

{{quotebox|Hey [[Fans|fans,]] I forgot one thing to mention. I have- I've actually been on a- subliminal project, as a lot of you- or some of you- might have been... aware of, through my history or whatever... That I try to keep private amongst my YouTube settings.

But I have been enjoying for the past 3 months the "Get Rid of Autism" subliminal. [[Naive|The one that actually works]] in three months so less than [''stutters''] three times per day. 36 times.

I have been doin' that I've actually found myself more mentally capable. I don't- I do not blank out as much, I feel a little bit [[Slow-in-the-minds|faster]] in mental processing... Aaand I feel a whole lot better so with that [''puts out hands''] I'm essentially [[Autism#Autism cured?|cured of autism]]. Oh and also I actually have been able to socialize better out in public, so that's another good deal right there.

I'm gonna put the link underneath this video... And those of y'all with autism... Try for yourself. Three- play it three times, per day... for three months. [''Points to head''] It worked for me. [''Thumbs up'']}}

However, in a November Facebook post, he was back to referring to himself as a "high-functioning autistic person."<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref>

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease] or the result of engaging in dangerous prone masturbation), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref> He didn't have any; [[Virgin|you can probably guess why]].

==Tomgirl==
{{see also|Tomgirl}}
===Hormone treatment===
[[File:Like budderin bread - credit to Buck Mullet.gif|thumb|Chris believes this is an appropriate form of hormone therapy.]]
Normally, transgender people plan out their gender transitions with doctors to ensure safety throughout the process, especially if they are taking hormones (which can cause health issues unless strictly monitored according to the patient's health profile).

Unfortunately for Chris, he has done the opposite. In 2015, he acquired '''Oestrogel''', a hormone replacement therapy cream meant for [[Snorlax|post-menopausal women]]. It is meant to be prescription-only, but Chris got around the requirement to see a doctor by ordering it through Offshore Pharmacy<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref>. Oestrogel has health risks, such as fluid retention, weight changes, rise in blood pressure (disastrous for an obese person like Chris) and blood clots<ref name=healthrisks>[http://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-89430/estrogel-transdermal/details/list-sideeffects Common and Rare Side Effects for Estrogel transdermal]. WebMD</ref>, and that is when it is applied properly via a small dosage on the arm once per day. He even managed to fail at following the directions on the package, as shown in [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.]], in which he slathers the cream onto his stomach "like butter on bread."

[[Kim Wilson]] revealed that he was taking the hormones in May 2015<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref> and Chris mentioned the drug again as late as August 2016<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref>. Throughout 2015-2016, he repeatedly complained, via Facebook posts, of feeling dizzy and ill, but has failed to connect the dots and see that taking over-dosages of a black-market drug without a physician's approval could be a reason for it.

In addition to Oestrogel, Chris has been taking supplements such as vitamins. He purchased a jar of Solaray Female Hormone Blend Vitamins in August 2016<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-10-chris-bought-female-hormone-vitamins.23257/</ref>, which is meant to ease menopausal symptoms. [[Arthur Spatchcock]] also learned that, around [[May 2016]], Chris was fond of eating Fenugreek seeds because he believed it would increase his estrogen levels (being unaware that it would have no effect on him, since he is not on estrogen)<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-562#post-1475700</ref>.

===Un-clit 2===
In [[July 2016]], Chris posted about [[Un-clit 2.0|a wound on his taint]], announcing that he had gotten it as a result of [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] and would be growing new labia as a result.

A troll with insider info discovered that Chris had actually '''sliced himself open with a knife in order to free the vagina he thought was growing within him.'''

{{quoteboxgreen|So, Chris was feeling up his junk, and he felt something "growing in". He believed his labia were growing in. He knew, logically, that he probably should let it... ahem... "erupt" on its own, because cutting himself open is crazy and he would probably get in trouble. But one night he was drunk and was sad that someone pointed out he didn't have an actual vagina, so he thought he'd help it along.

In the morning he was very embarrassed and sheepish about it. Chris is fucking lucky he posted about it online, and got pestered into getting help by weens, because if he hadn't, he'd probably end up in the hospital, fighting off a potentially lethal infection.

So technically speaking, in Chris logic, it was indeed a wound, but his vagina was going to come out and the wound would heal and everything would be alright.

It's kind of like he was Brundlewoman and he was pulling off his old ear and face and shit, and the beautiful Pam Anderson Christine would be underneath.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-12-21-chris-reminiscences-about-moving-back-into-14bc-after-the-fire.26774/page-7#post-1962817</ref>}}

===Rejected by a blood bank===
In January 2017, Chris complained on Facebook that he had been turned away from a blood drive for being transgender<ref>[[January 2017 Facebook Posts]]</ref>. He stated that the given reason was "the FDA saw to not accept blood from Transgender people, due to the varying levels of testosterone/estrogen balances in our blood." Chris does not realize how medically sensitive patients will be when receiving blood transfusions, and that it would not be in their interests to be taking blood with hormonal imbalances, especially from Chris, whose blood has been affected by the dangerous intake of the unsupervised Oestrogel drug.

==Excretory health==
In July 2017, Chris passed his first [[July 2017 tweets#Kidney_stone|kidney stone]]. Obesity and a high intake of sodium are known risk factors<ref>https://www.urologyhealth.org/urologic-conditions/kidney-stones/causes</ref>, and seeing as how both of those apply to Chris, he can expect to see more of those in the future unless he changes his ways. But once again, this seems unlikely.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal and even deeper than later years, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Sorbet's still recovering, with a nasal problem. Poor boy

2017-06-22T00:20:53Z

Mr3urious:

'''Sorbet's still recovering, with a nasal problem. Poor boy.''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 29 [[May 2017]]. In this video, Chris simultaneously shows his pet [[Chandler Cats|cat Sorbet]], who is shown having breathing problems, while we get a nice view of his massive hoard of [[toys]] and [[video games]], only one video after yet another one [[Financhu Crisis|begging for donations]].

Although Chris says Sorbet is "recovering", the damaged dilation of his glassy pupils from the accident is in full display here, which possibly even have serious cataracts. Not only was this the cause of the road accident (a sign of traumatic brain injury), glassy eyes are also the result of infections, and if not taken to a vet, could cause serious problems in Sorbet's body.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Sorbet's still recovering, with a nasal problem. Poor boy.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=cPtFVV-8-DU}}
| stardate = 29 May 2017
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = [[Sorbet]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| Saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Minor Update, Handouts!#We Said Donations No Less than $1.00, US, Please|We Said Donations No Less than $1.00, US, Please]]
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
''[Sorbet tries to get away from Chris while crickets chirp and he blares "[[wikipedia:Womanizer (song)|Womanizer]]" by [[Britney Spears]] in the background. Chris mumbles before speaking in a childish, sing-songy voice]'' Hey, Sorbet...breathing okay? No...sounds like you're breathing through your mouth. Oh baby, mmm...you're not breathing through your mouth right now, you were though. Hope everybody's able to hear this... ''[Sorbet meows probably wanting to get away from Chris...Chris meows back at Sorbet]'' Yeah baby... ''[Sorbet sneezes]'' Aw, bless you...that might be cute though... '[Sorbet meows again while trying to escape Chris's grasp]'' Okay, I will let you go then.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Minor Update, Handouts!#We Said Donations No Less than $1.00, US, Please|We Said Donations No Less than $1.00, US, Please]]|nextlink=}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

UVA Remembers Pulse

2017-06-18T00:30:53Z

Mr3urious:

[[File:Chris at UVA Remembers Pulse.jpg|At the event, wearing the Sonichu medallion and holding the [[Love is Love]] comic.|thumb]]

'''UVA Remembers Pulse''' was an event held by [[University of Virginia]] students in [[June 2017]] to pay tribute to the victims of the 2016 Pulse nightclub shooting.

Chris attended, bringing with him Sonichu paraphernalia: the Medallion, a [[SLGBTQ]] Sonichu drawing, the cover page for [[Sonichu 12]], a framed photoshop drawing of Chris and his parents mingling with Sonichu characters, and a short written piece which he read during the open mic.

==News interview==

He was interviewed by the local NBC station, which quoted him in an article and on video<ref>http://www.nbc29.com/story/35648491/uva-students-hold-memorial-service-for-pulse-nightclub-victims</ref>. Incidentally, this is the same station that interviewed him about the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].

{{quotebox|"Do not hate. Hate is not so good and to be paranoid is a bust. Feel love that comes from us and try to feel love that you can offer at least from within yourselves, for yourselves,” Christine Chandler, who attended, said.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = UVA Students Hold Memorial Service for Pulse Nightclub Victims
| video = {{#ev:youtube|n062B5gurp0}}
| stardate = 12 [[June 2017]]
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| subject = {{Homos|SLGBTQ}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Poetic Letter]]
| next = [[We need immediate funds, please]]
}}

==The event==

The organizers wrote the following description for the event, stating its purpose was for the community to reflect on the tragedy by creating tributes for the victims in the form of art.

{{quotebox|The student body at the University of Virginia encourages a gathering of the entire Charlottesville community to pay tribute to the 49 victims who lost their lives a year ago at Pulse nightclub. This Pulse remembrance event will be a time for everyone to join in solidarity and give honor to those who lost their lives to senseless violence. It is a time for reflection and a time to promote equality and diversity in our community.

<nowiki>** We will gather at the UVA Rotunda steps facing University Avenue **</nowiki>

7pm-8pm 
Reflection on Pulse: An opportunity to create art and share tributes to the 49 victims.

8pm-9pm 
UVA Remembers: A ceremony honoring the 49 victims and celebrating diversity and equality. Reading of the names and an open mic for all to share.<ref>https://www.facebook.com/events/1728191157474052/</ref>}}

Chris, on the other hand, decided to write a piece on his [[Tomgirl|transgender]] identity<ref>[[Patreon#Poetic Letter]]</ref>.

[[File:Poetic Letter for UVA Remembers Pulse.jpeg|Chris read this aloud to the crowd.|thumb]]

{{quotebox|I feel for y’all, my friends, family & allies in this lifetime of ours. Lost and confused is this point of our lives where we are meant to be; where DO we belong in our local communities; with minds gone blank like a fully erased paper? We are left with the remants of what we had thought of, before impulsively lost in time. I, too, was there during the times y’all were bullied, broken, and beat up bad. The times we’ve sought for new friendships to later, maybe, find truest love from one within. And, yet our efforts were mistaken for something sordid. The love, or lack thereof, from those who raised and taught you as y’all grew up. Left with time for ourselves, we’ve searched within our own personal depths. Soon enough, we not only have found ourselves, but we three, Child, Teen, & Adult, combined, worked out our ideas, taking our time; we continues onward in our life from how we were born, towards who we are meant to be this whole lifetime. I will continue onward, the stronger soul; woman that We ARE, for being boy was a lingering downfall. Someday, I will find our destined Sweetheart & Truest Love, while feeling the Love from within; from Child, from Teen, from Me.}}

<center><gallery>
File:Chris's gear for the UVA Remembers Pulse event 1.jpeg|The stuff he brought with him.
File:Chris's gear for the UVA Remembers Pulse event 2.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos]]|prevlink=[[Poetic Letter]]|nextlink=[[We need immediate funds, please]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]

UVA Remembers Pulse

2017-06-18T00:26:53Z

Mr3urious:

[[File:Chris at UVA Remembers Pulse.jpg|At the event, wearing the Sonichu medallion and holding the [[Love is Love]] comic.|thumb]]

'''UVA Remembers Pulse''' was an event held by [[University of Virginia]] students in [[June 2017]] to pay tribute to the victims of the 2016 Pulse nightclub shooting.

Chris attended, bringing with him Sonichu paraphernalia: the Medallion, a [[SLGBTQ]] Sonichu drawing, the cover page for [[Sonichu 12]], a framed photoshop drawing of Chris and his parents mingling with Sonichu characters, and a short written piece which he read during the open mic.

==News interview==

He was interviewed by the local NBC station (incidentally, this is the same station that interviewed him about the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]), which quoted him in an article and on video<ref>http://www.nbc29.com/story/35648491/uva-students-hold-memorial-service-for-pulse-nightclub-victims</ref>.

{{quotebox|"Do not hate. Hate is not so good and to be paranoid is a bust. Feel love that comes from us and try to feel love that you can offer at least from within yourselves, for yourselves,” Christine Chandler, who attended, said.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = UVA Students Hold Memorial Service for Pulse Nightclub Victims
| video = {{#ev:youtube|n062B5gurp0}}
| stardate = 12 [[June 2017]]
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| subject = {{Homos|SLGBTQ}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Poetic Letter]]
| next = [[We need immediate funds, please]]
}}

==The event==

The organizers wrote the following description for the event, stating its purpose was for the community to reflect on the tragedy by creating tributes for the victims in the form of art.

{{quotebox|The student body at the University of Virginia encourages a gathering of the entire Charlottesville community to pay tribute to the 49 victims who lost their lives a year ago at Pulse nightclub. This Pulse remembrance event will be a time for everyone to join in solidarity and give honor to those who lost their lives to senseless violence. It is a time for reflection and a time to promote equality and diversity in our community.

<nowiki>** We will gather at the UVA Rotunda steps facing University Avenue **</nowiki>

7pm-8pm 
Reflection on Pulse: An opportunity to create art and share tributes to the 49 victims.

8pm-9pm 
UVA Remembers: A ceremony honoring the 49 victims and celebrating diversity and equality. Reading of the names and an open mic for all to share.<ref>https://www.facebook.com/events/1728191157474052/</ref>}}

Chris, on the other hand, decided to write a piece on his [[Tomgirl|transgender]] identity<ref>[[Patreon#Poetic Letter]]</ref>.

[[File:Poetic Letter for UVA Remembers Pulse.jpeg|Chris read this aloud to the crowd.|thumb]]

{{quotebox|I feel for y’all, my friends, family & allies in this lifetime of ours. Lost and confused is this point of our lives where we are meant to be; where DO we belong in our local communities; with minds gone blank like a fully erased paper? We are left with the remants of what we had thought of, before impulsively lost in time. I, too, was there during the times y’all were bullied, broken, and beat up bad. The times we’ve sought for new friendships to later, maybe, find truest love from one within. And, yet our efforts were mistaken for something sordid. The love, or lack thereof, from those who raised and taught you as y’all grew up. Left with time for ourselves, we’ve searched within our own personal depths. Soon enough, we not only have found ourselves, but we three, Child, Teen, & Adult, combined, worked out our ideas, taking our time; we continues onward in our life from how we were born, towards who we are meant to be this whole lifetime. I will continue onward, the stronger soul; woman that We ARE, for being boy was a lingering downfall. Someday, I will find our destined Sweetheart & Truest Love, while feeling the Love from within; from Child, from Teen, from Me.}}

<center><gallery>
File:Chris's gear for the UVA Remembers Pulse event 1.jpeg|The stuff he brought with him.
File:Chris's gear for the UVA Remembers Pulse event 2.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos]]|prevlink=[[Poetic Letter]]|nextlink=[[We need immediate funds, please]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]

Chris and cameras

2017-05-27T23:04:45Z

Mr3urious:

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''cinematography''' is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or videos. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his PSEye, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in 2 ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them, nor does he [[Live Drawing Streams|check his recording equipment]] before filming.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

Another good example of this is in the picture of a scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'' shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens (one of which is ''bundled with Windows Vista computers onwards''), the image is also hampered down by the sights of background lamps and Hulu's watermark that covers the entire screen when a video is paused.

In some of his more recent videos, such as [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]] from [[November 2015]], Chris has taken to using the image stabilization feature on his iPhone to help steady his shaky-handed recordings. The result is a wobbly image against a mostly black background when the videos are put up on YouTube, which doesn't make things any much better.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right.

==Lighting==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee (indeed, many have compared Chris's videos to that of [[wikipedia:Piss Christ|Piss Christ]]). Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] and his PlayStation Camera, but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

As of [[October 2015]], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. So far, this shift has stuck, as all of Chris's videos from that point are lit properly.

==Post-production==
As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software (looking at you, Windows Movie Maker) will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. In this case, because the camera isn't focused, the TV shows nothing but bright, unfocused colors. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD. However, knowing YouTube's notoriously broken copyright system, which would allow [[wikipedia:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox]] to take it down, it's possible Chris did this intentionally to avoid getting a copyright strike.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

==Animation==
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality, breakneck pace and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is relatively simple with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

==Other photography failures==
A Week With Christian Chandler includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Chris and cameras

2017-05-09T15:05:26Z

Mr3urious:

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''cinematography''' is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or videos. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his PSEye, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in 2 ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them, nor does he [[Live Drawing Stream - 05082017|check his recording equipment]] before filming.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

Another good example of this is in the picture of a scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'' shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens (one of which is ''bundled with Windows Vista computers onwards''), the image is also hampered down by the sights of background lamps and Hulu's watermark that covers the entire screen when a video is paused.

In some of his more recent videos, such as [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]] from [[November 2015]], Chris has taken to using the image stabilization feature on his iPhone to help steady his shaky-handed recordings. The result is a wobbly image against a mostly black background when the videos are put up on YouTube, which doesn't make things any much better.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right.

==Lighting==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee (indeed, many have compared Chris's videos to that of [[wikipedia:Piss Christ|Piss Christ]]). Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] and his PlayStation Camera, but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

As of [[October 2015]], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. So far, this shift has stuck, as all of Chris's videos from that point are lit properly.

==Post-production==
As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software (looking at you, Windows Movie Maker) will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. In this case, because the camera isn't focused, the TV shows nothing but bright, unfocused colors. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD. However, knowing YouTube's notoriously broken copyright system, which would allow [[wikipedia:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox]] to take it down, it's possible Chris did this intentionally to avoid getting a copyright strike.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

==Animation==
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality, breakneck pace and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is relatively simple with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

==Other photography failures==
A Week With Christian Chandler includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Cwcsicle

2017-05-09T02:55:20Z

Mr3urious: Here's a better link to the images.

{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCSICLE.jpg|thumb|Chris' previous experience with freezing his johnson.]]

'''Cwcsicle''' is a name of a video log entailing [[Chris]] sticking his [[duck]] in the snow for 15 minutes. It was made as part of the ''[[Wikipedia:Jackass 3D|Jackass 3D]]'' Prank Contest, in which the person who submitted the best prank would get to appear in ''Jackass 3D''. Needless to say, Chris did not win, as he violated both the rules and common sense; most ''Jackass''-style pranks are quite dangerous, so sending video footage (as opposed to plans or sketches) wasn't allowed.<ref>http://jackass-3d-contest.wonderhowto.com/blog/jackass-3d-prank-contest-0118504/</ref>

Chris also claims that it is impossible to change the onboard clock on one's cellphone; this is obviously untrue, but Chris may have automatic update of date and time on his [[Wikipedia:Motorola W315|Motorola W315]] and be too dim to know that it can be turned off. He may have feigned ignorance about this, in order to lie about the duration for which he performed this act of complete idiocy.

It is split into five parts: 100_2123 through 7.MOV. These titles seem to suggest that it was made in [[February 2010]]. Prior to the selling of the [[Autographed Photos]], it was the most recently-released work to feature the [[medallion]].

==Videos==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCsicle
| video = {{#ev:youtube|PjRRL4i6QZA}}
| stardate =
| subject =
| style =
| shirt = {{SafetyParka|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}, {{Live|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==Transcripts==
===100_2123.MOV (0:25)===
''[Christian stands in his snow-covered backyard. He is dressed quite heavily, pointing the camera at himself [[Chris and cinematography|with a rather shaky hand]].]'' Hi, I'm Christian Chandler, uh, this is "[[Random-access humor|Frozen Stalactite]]". [''attempts to tilt camera towards crotch, thankfully missing it entirely.''] I'm gonna put my dick in the snow [''aims it back at his face''] and I'm gonna leave it in there for about 15 minutes. Currently it's 12:38 [''holds up his phone with his free hand''] according to my cellphone clock. If there's one clock you can not change, it's the one on your cellphone. [''pans camera down, revealing that he's buried himself waist-deep, then pans back up''] Okay, see ya'll in 15 minutes.

===100_2124.MOV (0:07)===
[''holding up phone''] Yeah, about 6 minutes in now. Whooh. Boy, it's cold. I've had p--[''video abruptly ends'']

===100_2125.MOV (0:10)===
[''carrying on from where the former left off, albeit with a little more urgency''] About 6 minutes in now. I've had previous experiences with, uh, freezing my dick, and I've even stretched it a bit. Right. I'll be checking back in se-in 7.

===100_2126.MOV (0:22)===
A-alrighty, it's 12:53 [''nearly beans himself in the face with his PSEye lens''] Let's pull me out. ENYGH! [''gets up and nearly loses balance. The camera goes out of focus, although Chris can be heard shivering. It then turns to focus on his crotch, with his pickle thankfully quite out of view. The sound of something scraping the mic can be heard as he examines his genitals.''] Feels blue. [''we go out of focus as we see Chris's duck. Not only is it within view, it has turned bright red and the camera is upside down. Shortly after, the camera turns away.''] Look at all that snow all over me. There's the hole it was in. [''we finally turn to Chris's face''] Heh. Kids, that is definitely something--[''video abruptly ends.'']

===100_2127.MOV (0:06)===
Everybody, I dare say that is one stunt you should not try at home. Peace out. [''We turn away and the camera is set down.'']

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://archive.org/details/cwcsicle Uncensored version]

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2010]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature]]

Live Drawing Stream - 05082017

2017-05-09T02:06:41Z

Mr3urious:

In this video, Chris is shown drawing a new page of Sonichu. And in a move rivaling that of the [[Brutal Legend]] video, Chris's voice is not heard throughout the live stream, though the Playroom theme continues to drone on. Clearly it was too much of a hassle to do a simple mic check before starting the stream, showing that [[Chris and cinematography|old habits die hard]] when it comes to Chris.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Live Drawing Stream - 05082017
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EMXmZn-jb1Q}}
| stardate = 8 [[May 2017]]
| saga = {{Business|text}}
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}, {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{The Happy Hag|text}}
| previous = [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 05052017]]
| next =
}}

{{quotebox|For continued peace of my mind that will keep the drawing spark lit, please Donate or Pledge some money my way. Thank You All for your loyalty, fandom and patience.

Donate directly via PayPal to my email address. Or Pledge to my Patreon.

This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 05052017]]|nextlink=}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris in the media

2017-03-06T22:19:01Z

Mr3urious: /* Wii U Daily */

[[Image:The truth about cwc.jpg|thumb|right|Just you wait.]]
{{see also|Sonic the Hedgehog#References to Chris}}

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Whether it be [[Chris and television|television]], newspapers, magazines or, of course, [[Chris and the Internet|the Internet]], if Chris can find some way to get his 15 minutes of fame, he'll do it.

==Traditional media==
===''Richmond Times-Dispatch''===
{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''[[Wikipedia:Richmond Times-Dispatch|Richmond Times-Dispatch]]'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to "Christian". This was Chris's first known appearance in media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in [[1994]] chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===
{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In [[1999]], Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 years old at the time, and he was playing [[Pokémon]] cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as 8]].

===''Nintendo Power'' Magazine===
{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how he used a [[Sprung|video game]] to cure his [[Noviophobia|fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's ''Animal Crossing'' video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===[[Shoujo Beat]]===
{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an [[anime]]-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonesome virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

===Daily Progress===
[[Image:CWCinDailyProgressJuly142007.jpg|thumb|Admit it, if you've never heard of Chris before, would you think that they were actually referring to a 25-year-old man here?]]

On 14 [[July 2007]], Chris and Barb were mentioned in the ''Daily Progress'' section of their local newspaper<ref>http://www.dailyprogress.com/news/rummage-sale-goes-all-year/article_8364fd1b-b1cf-5902-91f9-d05a19a0453d.html</ref>.

{{quotebox|The line began forming outside the door around 2 p.m., three hours before the SPCA's new rummage shop in Charlottesville opened for a special sneak preview Friday.

By 4:45, nearly 50 people were waiting in line, while about 30 volunteers inside put the finishing touches in place.

"I've got my eye on the riding mower right there," said Barry Ross as he stood at the head of the line, looking through the window at a red tractor.

And right behind Ross, Christian and Barbara Chandler were waiting to shop. Christian wanted toys and video games, while his mother wanted to look for fabric.}}

===Toucher and Rich===
{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio podcast in [[Wikipedia:Boston|Boston]]. The whole media furor was sparked by the "[[I Got A Fish]]" video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].<ref>[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145]</ref>

===Kevin and Bean===
{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts [[Wikipedia:Kevin and Bean|Kevin and Bean]]. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

===''Web Soup''===
{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's "[[I Got A Fish]]" video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]], only to belatedly realize after he uploaded an entire video about it that shows like ''Web Soup'' are devoted to mocking people like him.

===Save McIntire Park===
{{main|McIntire Park}}

In [[July 2009]], Chris briefly appears in the background of a news segment about saving McIntire Park, [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]]. Later, Chris receives recognition at a council meeting for drawing a large sign.

===''Slylock Fox''===
[[File:SonichuSlylockFox25Sep2011.JPG|thumb|115px|"Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9"]]

On 25 September 2011, ''[[Wikipedia:Slylock Fox & Comics for Kids|Slylock Fox & Comics for Kids]]'', a comic strip about comic strips published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image<ref>[http://content.comicskingdom.net/Slylock/Slylock.20110925.gif]</ref> of [[Sonichu]] in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read: "Today's terrific artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9." The strip's author, Bob Weber Jr., admitted on the Comics Curmudgeon blog<ref>[http://joshreads.com/?p=10951#comment-1014594]</ref> that he fully believed that the "artist" was 9 (rather than 29) when he selected the drawing out of the dozens that are submitted to the strip every week.

===Opie & Anthony===
{{main|Opie and Anthony}}

On 27 [[May 2009]], ''[[Wikipedia:Opie and Anthony|The Opie & Anthony Show]]'' on [[Wikipedia:Sirius XM Radio|Sirius XM Radio]], which was broadcast to 18.5 million units, [[Opie and Anthony|did a commentary segment]] on Chris's video response to drinking his own [[cum]] and shitting his adult diapers. It is unknown whether he's realized that his [[autistic]] antics have technically been broadcast to low earth orbit.

===''Houston Press''===
On 12 [[July 2012]], the ''[[Wikipedia:Houston Press|Houston Press]]'' published an article on Rex Nabours III of defunct folk punk band Guwange and his attempts to raise money for sick children. Nabours was quoted in the article saying "I did a Christian Weston Chandler (the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy) [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys|covers album]] earlier this year with the intent of giving any money I made off of it to Autism-related charities because the dude is basically [[Song for Jackie.MOV|blackface]] for autism".<ref>http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2012/07/rex_nabours_extra_life.php</ref>

===''Failosophy'' ===
{{Deletedvideo}}
[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Featured pic]]

MTV's show ''[[Wikipedia:Failosophy|Failosophy]]'' mocked Internet idiots like Chris. While the show lasted a mere 3 months due to negative reception, one of his [[Tomgirl]] pics memorably and unsurprisingly showed up in the 4th episode of the show, viewed by almost a million people. Jump to 0:26 for his appearance.

{{Infobox/video
|name= Chris-Chan on MTV's Failosophy
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Hqy4scnj1EI}}
}}

Chris, unusually, gave a response via [[Facebook]].

{{quotebox| I had no ill will against MTV. I enjoyed the women in "[[Wikipedia:Undressed|Undressed]]"; I like [[Beavis and Butt-head|Daria]]; the [[Dating education|dating game show]] was fun to watch, and to put them way at the bottom, [[Beavis and Butt-head|Beavis and Butt-Head]] were [[Christian Weston Chandler|so stupid, it became crazy-funny]].

I have been the victim of Trolling/Cyber-Bullying for the past greater than five years. I get that whatever gets onto the [[Chris and the Internet|internet]] is near impossible to remove.

And now I find that among the shit I was trolled of, this ONE photograph, which was originally taken for a WOMAN years ago, gets compared with a literal meat-head and a plush-head, and is made available on iTunes for two dollars!

From the one woman's words, Jamie Lee... I don't know what is worse, that she would not date me, or that she would put me in jail over a freaking couch. Lee, My Once Good Name was actually Jailed, because of the SET UPS those Anonymous, LULZy, Shit-Faced TROLLS. [[Chris and reality|At least I was more clean, sexy and gung-ho than either of the ugly, grimy freak shows I was compared with.]]

If I did not have a very good day beforehand today, I would seriously be [[Chris and the Law|calling my Attorney]] on your damn show's ass.|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], after 950,000 people saw him on ''[[Wikipedia:Failosophy|Failosophy]]''.}}

To this day, Chris has not followed up on this threat of legal action. The episode with Chris in it also remains available on iTunes.

===Local TV Broadcast===
{{main|Destruction of Chris's House}}
A local TV broadcast gave a brief report on the [[Destruction of Chris's House]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fire at 14 Branchland Court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qkYnMRh26Oo}}
}}

===''New York'' Magazine===
On 19 [[July 2016]], [[Wikipedia:New York (magazine)|''New York'' magazine]] featured an article on its website, [http://nymag.com/selectall/2016/07/kiwi-farms-the-webs-biggest-community-of-stalkers.html "Kiwi Farms, the Web's Biggest Community of Stalkers"]. The article was meant as an attack on [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]], inaccurately describing it as a vague group across [[4chan|mult]][[/cwc/|iple]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|web]][[Twitter|sites]] instead a single forum community. However, in describing the site's origins and operations, it largely focuses on Chris himself and the "torment" he faced from [[trolls]] during his internet heyday. There is also a mention of [[A-Log]] and his fallout with other Christorians.

The article is notably one of the few pieces of [[White knight|positive press]] Chris has received since his rise to internet fame. In addition to attacking his trolls, the author, Margaret Pless, describes him in sympathetic terms such as "[[Chris and art|artist]], [[Video games|gamer]], and [[Sonichu (comic)|creative type]]" and fails to mention [[Chris and anger|his]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|horrific]] [[Chris and race|opinions]], [[Death threats|statements]], [[28 October 2011|or]] [[26 December 2014|actions]]. Pless is also under the impression that Chris is legitimately [[Tomgirl|transgender]], and accordingly refers to him as "Christine" and with female pronouns.

===''Sonic Boom''===
[[File:Mark tapir.jpeg|thumb|250px|Chris finally meets his hero.]]
On 10 [[December 2016]], an episode of ''[[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic Boom]]'' called "The Biggest Fan" premiered on Cartoon Network. The episode features a character named Mark the Tapir that parodies the ''Sonic'' fanbase. Mark is depicted in the episode as a creepy, obsessive stalker who kidnaps Sonic and forces him to act out fanfiction that he wrote. While the character is likely intended as a general parody, he appears to have been heavily inspired by Chris in particular. He closely resembles pre-tomgirl Chris, and one scene seems to reference the "blue arms" debacle. Mark even orders an [[April 16 Fetish Vids|orange soda]] during one scene, though this is probably an unintentional reference.

Chris [[December 2016 Facebook posts#Sonic Boom parody|acknowledged]] the parody on December 13, 2016. He stated that he saw no resemblance between himself and the Mark character, and that he is "[[Chris and reality|not mental or crazy like that at all]]."

The episode's writers, Doug Liebilch and Bill Freiberger, responded to questions on Twitter about the episode. Liebilch said that [https://twitter.com/DougLieblich/status/808080337859293184 "He's not based on anyone specific. Just an obsessive fan character."] Freiberger also denied that Mark was based on Chris, and unlike Liebilch, he knows who Chris is, saying [https://twitter.com/BillFreiberger/status/809087510156410880 "Mark is 100% NOT based on CWC. He is a general fan type. We've done many blue arm jokes in the series. Not a clue."]

==Major Internet media==
===''Honest Game Trailers''===
Three minutes into the video, Chris is brought up as an example of the horrors of the Sonic fandom, particularly showcasing [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)]]. Less than a minute later, Sonic is jokingly referred to as Sonichu.

{{Infobox/video
|name= SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (Honest Game Trailers)
|video= {{#ev:youtube|TR7r4PlNeOY}}
}}

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [[Wikipedia:Fark|Fark]] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].<ref>[http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked]</ref>

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on [[the internet]] has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. Christian Weston Chandler, aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about [[the Internet]] made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Borb|parents]], sponges off the [[Monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Harry Partridge===
[[Image:HappyHarryRosechu.jpg|thumb|125px|"Actually, it is excellent; I would not change a thing about it." -Chris, [[Mailbag 9]]]]
Animator [[Wikipedia:Harry Partridge|Harry Partridge]] (best known for his [[parody|slanderous mockery]] [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Saturday Morning ''Watchmen'']]) has made several references to Chris and Sonichu, the first of which being a drawing of [[Rosechu]] uploaded to Newgrounds.<ref>[http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/happyharry/rosechu ]</ref> An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "Nicolas Cage Wants Cake", a musical remix of a scene from ''[[Family Guy|The Family Man]]''.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesaA]</ref> In the animated short "Skyrim", [[Son-Chu]]'s "SONICHU" license plate can be seen in the background during the first scene.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY]</ref> In the Followup, "Song of Skyrim", Chris makes a brief cameo in the crowd <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsqiSknjHK8]</ref>

Harry himself has commented on [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]]'s upload of the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] song "[[I'll Never Leave You, Ivy]]", jokingly stating "I want this played at my funeral."

When interviewing Harry Partridge on Animation Aficionados, the hosts asked Harry about Chris's cameos in some of his videos (from 0:19:43). The discussion the hosts have with Harry about Chris is quite lengthy, during which Mr. Partridge admits that he is "obsessed with him":<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

{{Quote|1=I really am obsessed with him... I check [[CWCki|''Sonichu.com'']], the wiki about Chris-chan and his weird life, if not daily, every couple of hours... there must be more written about Chris-chan than George Washington. |2=Harry Partridge|3=}}

===''Atop the Fourth Wall''===
Comic book reviewer Lewis [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|Lovhaug]] (a.k.a. "Linkara") goes on a brief tirade in his 99th video "Top 15 Things I Will Never Review" about ''Sonichu'' on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.<ref>[http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html]</ref>

{{Infobox/video
|name= Linkara Discusses Sonichu & Chris-Chan
|video= {{#ev:youtube|mDfRk0qt5HQ}}
}}

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is called...Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I ''hadn't'' heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara, speaking for everyone who has ever become aware of Sonichu.}}

While he'd previously made the point that he wouldn't review webcomics in general, Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' in particular because he didn't want to acknowledge it further. He describes Chris as a "[[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer|creepy stalker]]". Towards the end of the episode, a character tries to pressure Linkara into reviewing ''Sonichu'' before Linkara settles on reviewing a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' comic for his 100th episode. At the end of the video, he uses "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Do I Creep You Out?" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
{{Infobox/video
|name= =3 - I will end you!
|video= {{#ev:youtube|q2jERPp3Z0w}}
}}

{{quote|Wait a minute, did he just say he recycles his...HOLY SH*bleep*IT! Oh, that is some NASTY sh*bleep*t, oh, oh GOD!|Ray, representing pretty much anybody who saw the video for the first time}}

In an early episode of ''=3'' (pronounced "equals three"), vlogger Ray William Johnson made fun of Chris's habit of [[recycling]] his [[navy]]. Though he never gave Chris's name, referring to him rather inaccurately as "your average ''[[Captain's Log|Star Trek]]'' fan", he did provide a link to Chris's old channel. Jump to 2:09 in the linked video.

===BlackBusterCritic===
Chris has been on the BlackBusterCritic's Sonic Brainfart's videos where BBC highlights the points of Chris' wrong doings. Jamin also has a part two of the series, but it is unknown what happened to it.

{{Infobox/video
|name= SonicBrainFart Christian Weston Chandler Chris chan Part 1 1 2
|video= {{#ev:youtube|jgSweXQcZvY}}
}}

===Something Awful===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Sonic the hog
|video= {{#ev:youtube|pIKTFNTBM_0}}
|subject= Reupload by Owldof Hootler
}}

The last episode of [[Wikipedia:Something Awful|Something Awful]]'s “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php]</ref>

Also, the first episode of The Flash Tub's "Gaming Guyz", while not mentioning Chris outright, directly references his [[medallion]], and how Sonic cured his autism in Part 12.<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/flash-tub/gaming-guys-cartoon.php]</ref>

===SpliceToday.com===
An article<ref>[http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler]</ref> posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his [[kitchen]] microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] posted on [[Twitter]]<ref>[http://twitpic.com/s7pfi]</ref> an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

===Sega Acknowledges Sonichu===
On 13 [[January 2012]], two [[Sega]] of America employees corpsed in one of their "Free Stuff Friday" videos when one talked about a Super [[Sonic]] plush they were giving away and the female called it "Sonichu?". While this is not [[TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu [[Jimmy Hill|merchandise]], it shows that at least some Sega employees are aware of Sonichu's existence. Jump to 3:50 in the linked video.

{{Infobox/video
|name= SEGA's Free Stuff Friday - January 13, 2012
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Cnoq4-Mhpgc}}
}}

Chris saw the video and [[List of Christian's comments on Youtube|commented]], ''I do not find that commentary funny at all. In fact, I feel pissed off to be ridiculed soo lightly.''<ref>[[List of Christian's comments on Youtube#SEGA's Free Stuff Friday-January 13, 2012]]</ref>

===Maddox===
Internet comedy writer [[wikipedia:Maddox (writer)|George "Maddox" Ouzounian]], best-known for his website [http://maddox.xmission.com The Best Page in the Universe], critiqued Chris's [[:File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog]] on one of his side-projects, [http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com I Am Better Than Your Kids], as one of many children's drawings to help promote his novel of the same name. Like most other works on the site, Maddox gave the drawing an F. <ref>[http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com/?p=117]</ref>

===Cvillepedia===
On a wiki dedicated to Charlottesville culture and "celebrities," he has what can only be described as a tongue-in-cheek article.<ref>http://www.cvillepedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Christian_Weston_Chandler</ref>

===Cracked.com===
[[File:CWccracked.jpg|thumb|200px|#22 on Insane Subcultures.]]
Chris showed up on [[Wikipedia:Cracked.com|Cracked]]'s front page as #22 on 9 [[April 2014]] as part of "25 Insane Subcultures You Won't Believe Actually Exist".<ref>[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_859_25-insane-subcultures-you-wont-believe-actually-exist/]</ref>

===Smosh===
Chris's Sonic Totem statue was featured one Smosh's site, via the 'Smosh Pit' section which mostly contains articles, countdowns and memes. It was listed in the [http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/people-who-tried-crafts-pinterest-and-totally-nailed-it?_rtu=TFS6IVnISRKfI2Vc%2BgJJHA%2B '22 People Who Tried Crafts On Pinterest and TOTALLY NAILED IT'] article.

===IMDb===
Chris has his own IMDb entry page. To date he only has two credits, both in the "archive footage" category; the aforementioned ''=3'' video, and the later WTFIWWY segment.<ref>[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ IMDb page]</ref>

===Wii U Daily===
The website Wii U Daily (now known as Nintendo Today) has an article on the [[GameStop]] incident that occurred on [[26 December 2014]].<ref>[http://wiiudaily.com/2014/12/man-maces-gamestop-employee-over-sonic-boom/ Man maces GameStop employee over Sonic Boom | Wii U]</ref> Chris eventually found the article, then proceeded to go on a long rambling on Facebook on why the writer should respect him and his terrible ways--even going as far to call the writer a horrible male, despite the writer being ''fe''male.

===Reddit===
There is an entire subreddit on the popular website Reddit entitled "r/cwc", which is predictably all about Chris and his shenanigans. Eventually, however, it was later set to private mode and cannot be viewed unless you are a moderator or approved submitter.

On 23 [[September 2014]], the subreddit r/shittykickstarters linked to Chris's [[Kickstarter]] project for getting Legos.

On 1 [[January 2015]], the Wii U Daily article about the 26 December 2014 incident was linked to another subreddit, r/rage.<ref>[http://www.reddit.com/r/rage/comments/2r0kyh/man_maces_gamestop_employee_over_sonic_boom/ Man maces employee over Sonic Boom : rage]</ref>

On 1 [[September 2016]], a post which promised a new Chris [[saga|story]] every day of the following month was submitted to the r/CringeAnarchy subreddit.<ref>[http://www.reddit.com/r/CringeAnarchy/comments/50q2rb/announcing_chris_history_month/ Announcing Chris History Month! : CringeAnarchy]</ref> The subreddit's background image was replaced accordingly with the [[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|classic picture of Chris]] [[creepy stare|staring creepily into the void]].

===SleepyCabin===
On 14 December 2014, Spazkid, creator of ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' described his fascination with Chris, how he began trolling in 2007, and why he ultimately regrets doing it.

{{quote|Chris-Chan is—he’s an enigma which to so many people—they thought he was a troll. Because they’re like, “there’s no way this motherfucker is real” because he’s like the most saddest human being ever. And it’s SAD because it’s like… I spent four years of my life fucking with him and people are like, “bring it back!” And I’m like, “NO! LET IT DIE.” It’s like depressing—it’s not the golden age—it’s the depressing age.| Spazkid, rebuking the weens.}}

Interestingly, the SleepyCabin podcast members reveal that [[Harry Partridge]] once contacted Chris about developing a game with him. Apparently, Chris turned Harry down because he thought he wasn’t a talented enough animator. Jump to 1:43:25 in the link.

{{Infobox/video
|name= SleepyCast 11 - [Spooktacular Q&A Spectacular]
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Q6bNWhCEurY}}
}}

===Radio Dead Air===
{{main|WTFIWWY Segment}}

On the 29 December 2014 edition of his ''What the Fuck is Wrong with You?'' podcast, Radio Dead Air (and Channel Awesome) star Nash and his co-star Tara discussed the 26 December 2014 incident. Until this point Nash had shed away from discussing Chris for much the same reason as Linkara, but decided he had to discuss it to the overwhelming volume of attention and e-mail the incident generated, along with the utter insanity displayed by Chris.<ref>[http://channelawesome.com/wtfiwwy-live-the-passion-of-the-chris-chan/ WTFIWWY Live: The Passion of the Chris Chan]</ref>

===Design & Trend===
On 30 December 2014, website Design & Trend also posted an article about the 26 December 2014 incident.<ref>[http://www.designntrend.com/articles/33011/20141230/gamestop-maced-shocking-assault-sonic-fanboy-over-sonics-arms-sonichu-jailed-watch.htm GameStop Employee Maced In Shocking Assault By 'Sonic' Fanboy Over Sonic's Arms: 'Sonichu' Creator Jailed]</ref> The article link has apparently been [[Twitter|tweeted]] 15 times, according to the website.

===ReviewTechUSA===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Chris Chan Assaults Gamestop Employee Over Sonic Boom
|video= {{#ev:youtube|2zBXTErUpbc}}
}}

On 2 January 2015, ReviewTechUSA made a video about the 26 December 2014 incident.

===The Mysterious Mr. Enter===
Animation reviewer The Mysterious Mr. Enter made a slight nudge at Chris while preparing to rant about the infamous "I Am Autism" commercial from [[wikipedia:Autism Speaks|Autism Speaks]] (one of many reasons why the organization is disliked among the autism community), saying that it "makes autistic people look worse than...I dunno, Chris-Chan does." Jump to 2:15 in the linked video--and by the way, that is a microphone, not a giant Icee cup. He also mentioned [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] near the end of his review of 12-oz. Mouse.

{{Infobox/video
|name= Mr. Enter Speaks About Autism Speaks
|video= {{#ev:youtube|rMPNvcJtIR8}}
}}

===Game Grumps===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Leisure Suit Larry 6: Too Easy - PART 13 - Steam Train
|video= {{#ev:youtube|xbTmGQUWwjM}}
}}

{{quote|Ross: "You'll be like Sonichu- the electric hedgehog Pokémon."
Suzy: "Oh man, my dreams come true..."}}

In an episode of ''Steam Train'', Suzy walks into the Grump Room mid recording to quietly grab a blanket. Ross and Dan draw attention to her anyway, and they warn her they blanket is full of static electricity and it may just make her like Sonichu, to which Suzy is less than enthusiastic about. Jump to 6:00 for the whole conversation.

===SuperPrincessDaisy64===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Boom Shadow
|video= {{#ev:youtube|LtVamUVxMa8}}
}}

Chris appears at 1:13 where the song mocks him for disliking the blarms. Of note is that [[Wikipedia:Mike Pollock|Mike Pollock]], the TRUE and HONEST English voice actor for [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr. Eggman]], has commented on the video and given it his approval, meaning yet another of Chris's heroes is at least tangentially aware of his existence.

===''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Twitter===
On June 10, 2015, a fan asked the official [[Twitter]] account of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] (which has been verified and everything) if [[Sonichu]] will be playable in ''[[Sonic Boom]]: Fire & Ice''.<ref>https://archive.is/eWfjQ</ref> Their response?

{{quote|Maybe, but only if we give Sonichu blue arms, three scarves, and ultimately just redesign him as Big the Cat.}}

Two later posts also made minor mentions of Sonichu. The first was on March 9, 2016, in which [[Dr. Eggman]] attempts to cancel getting "Big the Cat facts" on his phone by texting his favorite Sonic character, but is told that his favorite Sonic character is Sonichu.<ref>https://twitter.com/sonic_hedgehog/status/707622466391117824</ref> The second was April 29, 2016, where "Sonichu" is one possible name on a "What's Your Sonic Name" chart making fun of the "original characters" in the Sonic fandom.<ref>https://twitter.com/sonic_hedgehog/status/726090715885756416</ref>

===Crave Online Australia===
[[File:ChrisSonichuSupanova.png|thumb|200px|Cosplayers as Christian and Sonichu at Supanova Sydney in 2015]]
Crave Online, a website showcasing various video coverage from games, films, sports and others topics covered a convention in [[PandaHalo|Australia]] called Supanova in 2015. A duo cosplayed as Chris and Sonichu, making a brief reference to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Nintendo]] rejecting Chris's game proposal.<ref>http://www.craveonline.com.au/entertainment/articles/869761-watch-supanova-pop-culture-expo-2015-sydney-wrap</ref>

===Larry Bundy, Jr.===
Chris made a cameo appearance in the "''Apaches''" episode of ''Films Yanks Can't Wank'', during a mention of [[Jimmy Hill]]. Jump to 1:55 in the linked video.

{{Infobox/video
|name= Films Wanks Can't Wank - Apaches (HD)
|video= {{#ev:youtube|W3JjyoEhCuo}}
}}

===CatalystEXE===
CatalystEXE, most famous for being the voice of Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life, made a drawing of Christian, Rosechu (with a [[china]] for a mouth), a [[pickle]], and Sonic during a livestream. Watch from 46:12-58:21 in the video to see him draw the picture. He also made two comments regarding Christian.
[[File:Cata4.png|thumb|200px|The drawing in question. Reads: "My feet are so hot and sweaty from running around all day! Maybe you can help me cool off!"]]
[[File:Cata.PNG|thumb|200px|His first comment]]
[[File:Cata2.PNG|thumb|200px|His second comment]]
{{Infobox/video
|name= Art
|video= {{#ev:youtube|GCSVSpo6eRk}}
}}

===Drunken Peasants===
Chris appeared on the ''Drunken Peasants'' podcast (starring TJ, also known as [[Thorg|The Amazing Atheist]]) episode 129 on July 10, 2015.

{{Infobox/video
|name= TJ Slaps Stevie - Confederate flag Taken Down in SC - Stupid Ads - DPP #129
|video= {{#ev:youtube|pBC7EMkQzzI}}
}}

===The Jimquisition===
In his review of ''Sonic the Hedgehog 2 3D'' for the 3DS, Jim Sterling gives a list of reasons why the original ''Sonic 2'' was an all-time classic. In this list, Jim mentions that the game is "a great way to meet [[boyfriend-free girl]]s," and also makes reference to the blue arms controversy.<ref>[http://www.thejimquisition.com/sonic-the-hedgehog-2-3d-review/]</ref>

===Your Movie Sucks===
33 seconds into YMS's review of ''Cyberbully'', the infamous picture of Chris wearing Barb's bra and panties is shown when Adam says "You can control what you post." The photo was actually leaked, but the point still stands given that one can control what pictures they take of themselves.

{{Infobox/video
|name= YMS: Cyberbully (Full Review)
|video= {{#ev:youtube|fi8A-GHOo8c}}
}}

===Adam Baldwin's twitter===
On 5 December 2015, actor [[wikipedia:Adam Baldwin|Adam Baldwin]] tweeted an image showing photos of various people who are either opposed or supporitve of GamerGate. At the top of the image on its far left side a picture of Chris can be seen.<ref>[https://archive.is/2oxcX]</ref> The tweet was later on deleted.<ref>[https://twitter.com/adambaldwin/status/673221909681602560]</ref>
===Gawker===
On 5 [[May 2016]], controversial gossip website [[Wikipedia:Gawker|Gawker]] wrote about deleted [[Wikipedia]] articles, including ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''.<ref>http://gawker.com/a-tender-loving-sonic-pokemon-crossover-and-more-artic-1774546168</ref>

===Return of Kings===
Chris has an article and is commonly used as an example of an "omega" on the Kings Wiki, the wiki of controversial neomasculinity group Return of Kings.<ref>[http://en.kingswiki.com/wiki/Christian_Weston_Chandler]</ref><ref>http://en.kingswiki.com/wiki/Omega</ref>

===Zip Zap===
{{Infobox/video
|name= MANGLENN | DeviantArt Rants #1
|video= {{#ev:youtube|iH3icqBO8Vw}}
}}
German-American ranter Zip Zap made a slight nod to Chris Chan when comparing a pedophile named Manglenn to him, even adding [[I Recycle My Own Semen|"at least [Manglenn] doesn't recycle his own semen... not from what we know"]].

===Milo Yiannopoulos===
On 20 January 2017, prominent editor of Breitbart News, Milo Yiannopoulous, spoke at the University of Washington. The event, called ''Cyberbullying Isn't Real'', contained a segment where Milo comments on how George H.W. Bush, a World War II torpedo bomber pilot and the head of the CIA, was considered a wimp when he ran for president.<ref>Yiannopoulos mistakenly refers to Bush as a fighter pilot in his speech. George H.W. Bush flew a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grumman_TBF_Avenger Grumman TBF Avenger] torpedo bomber.</ref> Milo then poses the question:

{{quote|What will happen when we have the first [[A Public Announcement for Congress|presidential campaign]] featuring a [[Tomgirl Saga|genderqueer]] [[Chris-chan Sonichu|furry]] who has [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|videos of himself crying on YouTube]] because someone insulted his [[My Little Pony]] drawings? We know, don't we, what the first social justice president will look like.| Milo Yiannopoulous, exhibiting a photo of Chris}}

A picture of Chris is then featured on the screen to illustrate Milo's point. Although there were no specific allusions to Chris, Milo gives an almost eerily accurate description of Chris's internet infamy—seemingly derived '''solely''' on the photo itself. If only he had mentioned Sonic recolors, and not My Little Pony. Jump to 1:13:02 in the link.

{{Infobox/video
|name= MILO At University Of Washington: Cyberbullying Isn't Real
|video= {{#ev:youtube|ePF78xrzSQY}}
}}

==Death threats against Trump==
On 9 [[November 2016]], Chris made multiple death threats against President-elect [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]].

Later that day, one of his Twitter posts was featured in an [http://www.infowars.com/hillary-supporters-burn-american-flag-riot-threaten-to-kill-trump-after-losing-election/ article] by Alex Jones's Infowars website. The article was linked to on the [http://archive.is/kyUJh Drudge Report]. [[wikipedia:David Duke|David Duke]], a former member of Louisiana's State Representatives and a white nationalist, [https://twitter.com/DrDavidDuke/status/796474021625860098 tweeted] the article. '''Chris himself [[Twitter#10 November 2016.1|tweeted]] the article on 10 November.'''

Daniel "Keemstar" Keem, host of the drama YouTube account, Drama Alert, tweeted at Chris and alerting the Secret Service. https://mobile.twitter.com/KEEMSTAR/status/796281178030567424

Sky Williams, a YouTube gamer with nearly a million subscribers, [https://twitter.com/SkyWilliams/status/796282670959366144 retweeted] Chris's post and added the comment, "k so this shit isn't okay - can we report this?" OneyNG, another YouTube gamer, also [https://twitter.com/OneyNG/status/796273797984718852 retweeted], saying "Chris Chan always knows what to say." Hundreds of retweets were made by their followers.

Conservative website HillaryDaily.com featured the tweet in an [http://hillarydaily.com/brandon/2016/11/10/radical-left-now-threatening-to-assassinate-donald-trump/ article] on 10 November.

==Video Games==
===McPixel===
On 25 [[June 2012]], the indie game ''McPixel'' featured a homage to [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris' sexcapades with inanimate objects]] by having a special ending sequence depicting the titular character dry-humping a PS3 in the same stance Chris was.

{{Infobox/video
|name= McPixel Extra Ending
|video= {{#ev:youtube|TWHd_10zcaY}}
}}

===Goat Simulator===
[[File:Goat.jpg|thumb|300px|The goat unfortunately named Chris-Chan.]]
The "Goat MMO Simulator" DLC pack adds a simulated MMO mode that parodies games such as World of Warcraft. AI-controlled goats simulate the presence of other players, and their names are drawn randomly from a list of pre-generated names. 'Chris-chan' is one of the names on this list.

===Akinator the Genie===
"Chris-Chan Sonichu", "Sonichu", "Rosechu", "Magi-Chan", and "Bob Chandler" are guessable characters in the online/iOS game ''Akinator the Genie''.

===OK K.O.! Lakewood Plaza Turbo===
An iOS/Android beat-em-up based on a Cartoon Network pilot, ''OK K.O.!'' introduces certain characters with a short biography screen (including a quote). The one for Carol (the player character's mother) has her saying "Go out and defend our Plaza--to the extreme!" (clearly echoing the cover to [[Sonichu 0]]).<ref>http://imgur.com/wvpZ8uW</ref>

Worth noting is that ''OK K.O.!'' is intended for general audiences.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

Brutal Legend Plus

2017-03-05T17:43:44Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

"'''Brutal Legend Plus'''" is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 21 [[October 2009]]. It was shot and released 3 days after Chris made a [[Brutal Legend|video with a similar name]], but only just then realized that the video he shot prior had no audio at all.

The video also features an additional message that invoked much [[rage]] and [[lulz]] from the online community.

Due to the [[Chris and cinematography|heavy abuse]] Chris's [[PSEye|camera]] endured [[Chris Loses It|during the last month]], the sound is crappy as hell and the video is skipping quite a lot. The [[plush breasts]] are still in the left bottom of the screen; they have not moved since the last video.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Brutal Legend Plus
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cA4gE9QfoxE}}
| stardate = 21 [[October 2009]]
| maker = Chris
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Brutal Legend]]
| next = [[For_Chris#IBA's video|For Chris]]
}}
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!}}

=== Transcript ===
Hmm. Hello again. I apologize for the, uhh, last video not having audio. [[Chris Loses It|I don't understand how that could happen]], I mean, I used the same camera. Hm. But oh well. I'll check it before I upload this one. Anyways, uh just to, uh reiterate myself, I establish the common ground that, uhhh, definitely makes me sociable. ''[[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]]''! Uh yeah this is an awesome game! I mean between the game rating between the magazine people and G4, they underestimate it. They should have given it perfect they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the Game Informer.

Hmm. But anyway This game rocks-this game rocks. It's like ''[[wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time|Zelda: Ocarina of Time]]'', ''[[wikipedia:Burnout Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]'', and ''[[God of War]]'' with a dash of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', all spliced together in this thing! Totally awesome. But be careful to— It's rated M for Mature. But fortunately the, uh blood and gore can be turned on or off as well as the, uh, bleeped, as well as the, uh, bleeped words they can be turned on or off that... the bleep. So you know parents if your children want the legend, you know, let them know about [[Chris and reality|the difference between fact and fiction]] and uh bloody murder and whatnot before you, before you give your full consent, er yah. Tell them know you can turn the blood scenes on and off as well as the uh, censored words.

Anyways. Hmmmuh. Jack Black did a great job as well as the guest stars. ''[ Hits his head with the [[Gitar of Fail]]]'' So I raise my axe in victory and in honor of the game! ''[Throws up the horns]'' Rock onnn! Rock on! Rock on!

And with that now—I will now end it there and I will, bring a new topic. Huh. Trolls are still trying to-trick are still trying to tick me off. You know what? My [[Chris and copyright|creativity]] will not be stifled! I'll tell you what—this much. Um. Nice [[Duck|tip]]! You know try to get into my McDonald's Point Monopoly Gameplay. You know what? They had my- much worthier response so... Hahahah! AHHHHH! [''whispers''] You're so dumb. ''[normal]'' So I'll tell you what here's a response: ''[Sudden falsetto]'' Oh no! Not my mon—not my ''Monopoly'' game pieces! what would I ever do without them! Neeeaaaa! ''[Normal voice]'' Aa ha ha ha! Ahhh you're so pitiful. You want with that? To quote my [[Liquid|friend]] of mine who I give my blessings to between him and his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. I thank him for ending this charade.

''[Fails at making the L for loser, sings off-key, presumably trying to sing [[wikipedia: "Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]]'s "You're Pitiful"]'' [[Chris and hypocrisy|You're pitiful!]] You're pitiful! You're pitiful it's true! You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your [[Chris's room|basements]]! Dang dirty trolls! You're pitiful! ''[Normal voice]'' The pity-ful! You're pitiful! So there!

Peace out.

''[Cut to Chris holding Gi-tar of Fail]'' Actually also, one more thing. In address to the trolls. ''[Dramatic glasses removal]'' Get a life! Get a life!

==See also==
*[[SingStar Challenge Round 1]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brutal Legend]]|nextlink=[[For Chris]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-21]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-10-21]]

Brushfire Video

2016-12-10T00:50:50Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

The '''Brushfire Video''' (officially '''Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!''') is a video uploaded by Chris to [[YouTube]] on 6 [[November 2014]]. The video was posted in conjunction with a [[November 2014 Facebook Posts#The Shovel Mech Horror|rant]] on [[Facebook]] that Chris made while observing a [[JERKS|man]] using an excavator to manage a small bonfire of brush and debris in the lot adjacent to the [[Rental House|rental house]]. The video features an actual conversation between Chris and Barb, the likes of which had not been seen since [[You're Always Pretty]]. The crunching and plinking sounds imply that it was shot rather nonchalantly during breakfast or lunch.

Chris is deeply disgruntled by the whole affair. Even after a 911 operator dismissed the obvious distress of the Chandler household, and the video clearly shows that fire poses no threat to the Chandler household, the fact that Chris would fly into a rage because of someone else ignoring fire hazards is [[Destruction of Chris's House|ironic]], to say the least.

The video has better quality than [[Chris and cinematography|usual]], having apparently been made with the YouTube Capture app on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]]. It is, however, quite possibly one of the shakiest videos he has made this side of [[Sonichu's Edge]].

Note that the long title of the video reveals the address of his temporary home, Chris having learned nothing about revealing personal information despite all his troubles. He thought that his [[trolls|detractors]] would be unable to find the video by putting it in "Unlisted" mode on YouTube. It didn't work.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jMB29umbBRg}}
| stardate = 6 [[November 2014]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Hypocrisy]]}}, {{Website|[[YouTube]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| previous = [[To Mr. Smith]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Mario_Circuit_Again|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
}}

==Transcript==
[''The first bit of the video is silent. "The Hills Are Alive" plays in the background. The camera takes a view out the window of an excavator. The operator of the excavator is using the machine to push the 'fuel' onto the bonfire. Nine seconds in, there is a jump cut to a new shot of the window. At the 1:17 mark, [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] presumably tells Chris that the excavator is none of his business.'']

Well, it IS my business, I'm livin' right...next door to dis here. [''Plenty of crunching and rustling sounds can be heard in the background. At 1:36, Barb asks "Are you watching from upstairs?"'']

YEAH, and I'm RECORDING it on my iPod! Video! Mmhem. Yeah, you see what he's...you see, he moved his...shovel mech, and he's...lookin' like he's trying to, he's either stokin' it, or he's trying to put it out! [''Barb talks again inaudibly.''] Well, he could try covering it with the dirt, [[Speech impediment|nanowats]], that's what's looks like he is doing right now!

[''More silence, then two grunts from Chris and plenty of rattling, followed by more silence. Barb says "He's tryin' to put dirt over it to start cleanin' it up.'']

YOU LOOKED FROM DOWNSTAIRS OR OUTSIDE? [''Barb replies with "The dirt and smoke will get you down there."''] YEAH. [''Jingling in the background, probably Snoopy's dog tag.''] Ey, [[Snoopy]]. [''More silence.''] This can go on YouTube. "Shoveling Male Idiot Tries to Put Out Fire...Surrounding a Forest...and...Neighborhood!" An' there's a lake nearby. Y'know WHAT? He could scoop some water and put it OVER the damn fire! [''More silence.''] Amamatried callin' 911, but guess what? The [[Jerkop|darn idiots]] won't...listen. They think, "He's not [[Chris and the Law|breakin' any LAAAAHZ]]!" Consarnit, they don't have a lick a' [[Chris and reality|common sense]]!

Oh, LOOK at this now! [''pause''] He drivin' away from the damn fire....oh, wait, he turnin' around! [''The music suddenly changes, as Barb's phone starts ringing. The ringtone is "[[wikipedia:Street Life (The Crusaders album)|Street Life]]" by The Crusaders.''] Oh, now what? Eymuna--

[''Jump cut to a new shot of the window. More silence, with the song "It Might as Well Be Spring" in the background and either [[Clover]] or Snoopy howling. The excavator stops screwing around with the fire and rolls up the hill. Chris uses his [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] voice.''] Yep, I'm driving away! I stoked the fire, and now I'm driving away! I'm an idiot or somethin', look at me! I'm driving away from the fire after I darn stoked it! And the wind it heavy over here, I can feel it! And now I just turn myself around. And now I'm gonna sit here and watch the damn fire some more! [''normal voice''] Somebody, please call 911 and tell 'em to get over here!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[To Mr. Smith]]|nextlink=[[26 December 2014|Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Chris and fashion

2016-12-10T00:30:14Z

Mr3urious: /* Cross-dressing Boutique */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts, most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, making him look even [[Obesity|fatter]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

== The Fashion Sense of Chris (Pre-Tomgirl)==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His favorite shirt, a [[Chris and brand loyalty|St. John's Bay®]] Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house.<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public.]] At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me." Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five - a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!" The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more--a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Chris's Tomgirl Fashion Sense==
===Early Tomgirl Fashion===
[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]

{{main|Tomgirl Pictures}}

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring)
* Women's sandals
* Blue eyeliner
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]]</ref> (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge [[F Abstinence|virginity]] until marriage)<ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of glasses

While Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|left|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

===Late Tomgirl Fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris's tomgirl antics have continued into [[2015]], but with some refinements of his style in the past couple years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses."<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Omission of glasses, possibly due to contact lenses
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".
{{clear}}

==Chris, on fashion==
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26 December 2014|2]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|3]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony" [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|1]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]

</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

KCWC broadcast

2016-11-04T22:12:29Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcription */

The '''[[KCWC]] broadcast''' is a taped "radio broadcast" that was included as the soundtrack for the slideshow portion of [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]].

This "broadcast" is notable for Chris's childlike behavior, with [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]] humoring him like a 6-year-old by pretending to "call in" to request a song for [[Bob]]'s 71st birthday. Keep in mind that this was made when he was ''16'' years old, in his junior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]] and when he first began [[mass debating]]. Also, many of the songs he plays are from random [[video games]]. Though many video games do have catchy themes, they would never be played over the radio. Besides that, the only other songs Chris plays are from Disney movies or old songs no teenager has probably ever heard of outside school plays, all from the 1930s to 1950s by artists such as [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frank Sinatra]], and from musicals like ''[[Wikipedia:Oklahoma!|Oklahoma!]]'', ''[[Wikipedia:Show Boat|Show Boat]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Guys and Dolls|Guys and Dolls]]''. We can probably thank Bob for [[Chris and music#Musical tastes|Chris's musical tastes]].

The broadcast has several special "guests," notably ''[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|Alvin and the Chipmunks]]'', as well as [[Wikipedia:Myles Standish|Myles Standish]], who, after riding on board [[Daniel Weston|the Mayflower]] to the [[United States of America|new world]], has anachronistically become a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' fan.

Also, on the DVD cover, Chris incorrectly says that this was taped in August [[1997]]. This is impossible, as there is a commercial on this tape for ''[[Wikipedia:Cousin Skeeter|Cousin Skeeter]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:The Wild Thornberrys|The Wild Thornberrys]]'' toys from Burger King. Both of these shows premiered on [[Wikipedia:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] in September [[1998]]. Furthermore, Bob wouldn't turn 71 until this month.

It is worth noting that Chris doesn't let the broadcast end properly during the slideshow. Instead, he stops playing it in the middle of the last song, and pads out the rest of the soundtrack time with his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|debut music album]], alongside other pop cuts. After "For You I Will" by Monica, Chris pads out even more time by playing his [[FUTURE MESSAGE]].

__TOC__

==Audio==
===Part I===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|S-jRds729ZI}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
'''Chris:''' [''whispering''] Quiet, we're on the air. [''pause; Chris then poorly imitates the NBC chimes''] BA-KOW...! [''singing''] Ba ba ba bum, it's time to open up that radio station. It's that cool radio station. Here it is, station K-C-W-C! And here is your host, with the most, ''Christian Chandler!'' [''to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut"''] Ba-da-da-dum-bum, da-bum!

[''tape skips between recording'']

'''Chris:''' Good morning, [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|guys, gals, and dudes of all ages]]! This is your host Christian Chandler here on everything KCWC. You know I usually wake up [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|a little cranky]] in the morning when I wake up, 'cause you know it's six o-clock in the morning. But this morning I feel like [[Chris and Ego|I own the world]], I can do anything I want. So this morning we're gonna start us off with a little ditty from ol' [[Wikipedia:Frank Sinatra|Frankie Sinatra]]. This song is titled [''bad singing voice''], "I Got the World on a Stri-i-ing." [''normal voice''] That's a real good song, y'know? So take it away, Frankie, and get [[Red String of Fate|that string]] wrapped around on your finger, we're also gonna have some rain! [''Chris laughs'']

[''tape skips again'']

[''Frank Sinatra's version of "[[Wikipedia:I've Got the World on a String|I've Got the World on a String]]" plays'']

'''Chris:''' Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Well, I got more to come along with more tunes and all that, 'cause you're listening to everything KCWC. Before we release the next song, I happen to have a guest star in the studio with me, you wanna know who he is? I'll tell ya, here he is, ol' [[Wikipedia:Chico Marx|Chico Marx]], let's give him a big hand! [''Chris claps as the tape stops'']

[A recording of [[Wikipedia:Chico Marx|Chico Marx]] appearing on radio show ''The Fitch Bandwagon'' plays, after Marx does a comedy bit, Skip Nelson's "Velvet Moon" plays.]

[Tape stops and resumes recording with Chris clapping]

'''Chris:''' Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Whattaya say, Chico Marx? How does it feel to be here on station KCWC?

'''Chris:''' [''badly impersonating Chico Marx in a high pitched voice''] Well I must say I feels, it uh-feels to be great here's on this station on the uh-radio. And I really must be going.

'''Chris:''' Oh well, when you gotta go, when you gotta go. Right, Chico?

'''Chris:''' [''in his Chico voice''] That's right, I'll see you later, kids! Bye!

'''Chris:''' O-okay, bye! Well, wasn't he a great guest star folks? But I gotta tell you what now, we had a request just a few minutes ago for a certain song from a certain movie. Well I'm gonna throw a contest [stutters], now I'm gonna throw a surprise, I'm gonna give away a dinner for two at O'Toole's. If anyone can guess which movie this specific song came from. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Remember that number, and I'll take any caller who will call in. I hope somebody who calls in, will win. Okay, take it away mysterious movie!

[Tape stops again and resumes with "[[Wikipedia:Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin'|Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin']]" by [[Wikipedia:Gordon MacRae|Gordon MacRae]] playing. Part one stops in the middle of this song.]

===Part II===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|aNSPbPdcWZo}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
[''"[[Wikipedia:Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin'|Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin']]" by [[Wikipedia:Gordon MacRae|Gordon MacRae]] resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.'']

'''Chris:''' Wasn't that a beautiful song, folks? Oh yes, that was- that song was "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from the famous movie "Oklahoma" and we got a winner here, folks! His name is Fredrick C. Wilberg, and he'll be a wi-he'll get that there out to toe-tools. I hope [[Homos|he and his friend enjoys themselves]], but right now we're gonna cut from the music, and go right to the news!

'''Chris:''' So here it is, take it away, news! [''Chris imitates a radio station's news transition jingle with a series of "do do do do"s before switching to what he believed to be a deeper voice''] Good evening! This is Ted Baxter here with the news. First we will go with our [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|local news]]. Here we are at the [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|Mario racetrack]] where we just had an accident. Mario and Yoshi went bumper-to-bumper and their tires fell off, but don't worry, nothing much though. [[Chris and reality|They just got-they each just got cut on their left knees]], but don't worry, their mommies are taking care of them, and now--and now, and the carts are being pulled away into the cart garage and everthing will be okay soon. As a matter of fact, they're gonna be repaired by noon. [''half-assed laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Anyway, here we go to the weather. Take it away, Weatherboy. [''Chris's voice shifts into a higher pitch, possibly an extremely bad New Jersey accent''] Okay! 'ere we go with the weather! We see the ha-with the-with the-with the local weather! Here in Richmond it is now 89 degrees and partly cloudy, but tomorrow it's gonna be different. Actually, tonight, it'll be 91 degrees and, uh, there will be no rain. No rain, but it will be perfectly clear, and uh, tomorrow, it will be 91 degrees and, well, perfectly sunny, but we're maybe due for a shower though as a 30% chance. Back to you Ted.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris shifts back into his news caster voice''] Okay Weatherboy, and now we're gonna go to a bank robbery that just happened right now. Take it away Copter 1.

[''He assumes the voice of the fabled Helicopter pilot above the bank robbery scene'']

'''Chris:''' This is Copter 1, reporting live in a chase scene. We're chasing the burglar from the bank-which has escaped from the bank right now with five million dollars. I'm here with the bank manager, and I'm gonna get a word from him-what he thinks about this. Tell me, mister bank manager, what do you think about this?

[''Chris's voice attempts a deep and husky voice, possibly that of a middle-aged man'']

'''Chris:''' I think it is very bad of this man to steal $5 million from my own bank! As a matter of fact, I'm offering a [[Chris and money|$1,000 reward]] to anyone who captures this criminal who's taken my five mills. Why am I not going to give away a $5 million reward you ask? Well, we need the money, daggat's for sure. Heheh. Anyway that's all I have to say. I hope you catch 'em.

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' ...And there we have it! Back to you, Ted.

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Okay, you keep uh, following that burglar now. By the way, did you get his license number?

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Oh yeah, that's right! His license number is 3C54.

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you very much. Okay, and we got also got a sports game to report before we go back to the music. We got the Pittsburgh Pirates- we had the baseball game today here in Chicago, between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Chicago White Sox, and the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the White Sox with a difference of 3 points. This is unbelievable. 50 to 53. In the Pittsburgh Pirates' favor. Now isn't that a funny thing though. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

'''Chris:''' Okay! Before we go back to the tunes, we're gonna take a little commercial break right now. So and so just relax and everything will be fine.

[''The recording cuts to the audio of a commercial for [[Obesity|Goldfish snack crackers, followed by a Burger King commercial]] for Cousin Skeeter, The Journey of Allen Strange and The Wild Thornberrys toys, an advertisement for Space Ghost's Surf 'n' Turf CD/cassette, a National Geographic commercial, and a Cow and Chicken ad.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, welcome back to the tunes. You're listening to the station everything KCWC, and right now we're gonna play a little something for those who love video games. We're gonna play the Mario Kart 64 theme, and because that theme is a short song, we're also gonna throw in some "Circuit Select" songs. And you know why we're throwing this in? Because Mario Kart 64 is a great game and we happen to like it too. As a matter of fact, we even have it, and we've played it. So take it away, Mario Kart 64! Ha-ha.

[''The recording cuts once again to Mario Kart 64's Circuit Select music, as well as its theme for the next two minutes until it is cut off by the end of part two.'']

===Part III===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part III
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tAVkrAdqrYU}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====
[The ''Mario Kart 64'' Circuit Select theme resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.]

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EVERYTHING station KCWC. And uh, during that ''Mario Kart 64'' song, we got a request from a little young boy of uh five years old. His name is, uh, Christopher Chandler. He's a first-time caller, but a long-time listener. He put in a request for a theme-for the theme song of a very famous [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game for the [[Wikipedia:Sega Genesis|Sega Genesis]]. So I'm gonna throw in another contest. The prize this time is a game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. If anyone call in and guess the name of the game that this song came from-it is in the handsong and it is the theme song of that game. Anyway, if anyone can call in and guess the name of the game, I'll give them the game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC, and I'll take ANY caller who can call-who'll call in and give the right answer. Okay, so take it away, Sonic the Hedgehog, and I hope somebody wins.

[tape stops and leads to the theme song of "Sonic and Knuckles"]

[tape stops and Chris resumes speaking]

'''Chris:''' And you are listening to everything KCWC. And that song was the "Sonic and Knuckles" theme song. And we got a winner here, folks. His name is [[Wikipedia:Myles Standish|Myles Standish]]. And he told me to tell you the he was one of the members of a s- one of the Sonic the Hedgehog website on the [[Internet]]. By the way, speaking of which, I've also wanted to play that Sonic & Knuckles song because I heard that there were a lot of sites on the Web created by lots of Sonic the Hedgehog fans. Anyway, Myles Standish has won that, uh, game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course, so he and a friend of his can enjoy themselves for a game at Putt-Putt Golf Course. Anyway, uh, nuh, anyway, enough of the video games. I'm gonna play...I'm gonna nuh, the next selection that I'm gonna play is, uh another Frank Sinatra number called "[[Wikipedia:Love and Marriage|Love and Marriage]]". And boy, that is an institute you can't disparage. Oh by the way, just to let you know, it's 9:30 a.m. Now I wanted to mention that. Anyway, uh, take it away, Frankie!

[tape stops and "Love and Marriage" by Frank Sinatra plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

'''Chris:''' You are listening to station KCWC. Everything! And wasn't that a great song, folks? Now right now, we're gonna play another song, except this time we're gonna play a little [[Christmas]] song. As a matter of fact, I have a guest star, as a matter of fact, three guest stars here who happen to have sang that song. Can you guess who they are? [pause] I'll tell you then! It's [[Wikipedia:Alvin and the Chipmunks|:Alvin and the Chipmunks]]. Let's give 'em a big hand!

[Chris claps]

'''Chris as one of the Chipmunks: ''' [indistinct]

'''Chris as another Chipmunk: ''' You said it!

'''Chris as the third Chipmunk: ''' We're going [[Tobacky|smoking]]!

'''Chris: ''' Say, Alvin, how does it feel to be at station KCWC?

'''Chris trying to sound like Alvin: ''' Yeah, it's great, man!

'''Chris: ''' Well, you'd better plug your ears, then, because we're about to play a C--[''Chris's voice gets cut off as part three ends'']

===Part IV===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sNKPhZ2ea_w}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

'''Chris: ''' --[[Christmas|hristmas]] song! I gonna play...[''sings in a sing-song voice''] Over the river and through the woods! You like... ya liked that song, didn't cha?

'''Chris trying to sound like Simon: ''': Yeaaah, I liked it, but I don't think Alvin does cause it didn't feature his hula hoop! ''[Annoying laugh]'' Ah ah ah ahh!

'''Chris: ''' Heh, that's funny, Simon. Well, take it away, ya chipmunks, and ''[indistinct]'' and go to ya grandmudda hou- grandma's house! Ah ah ah!

[tape stops and a chipmunk rendition of "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv4BBori8Ac| Over The River And Through The Woods]" plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

'''Chris: ''' Alright, you're listening to everything KCWC. And wasn't those Chip- wasn't those Chipmunks great? But they had to leave so soon. Oh well, nobody's perfect. Right away, don't forget last summer we got a request from a me- member of the Sonic the Hedg- from one of the Sonic the Hedgehog websites. Her name was Leslie Lioness, and she requested that we play the [[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|''Sonic CD'']] song, "Sonic Boom." And she also requested that we play the long version! So that's what we'll give her, cause we happen to have the copy of the Sega CD game right here. So take it away, Sonic, and give us that booming song! Ah ah!

[tape stops and Pastiche's "[[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|Boom]]" plays]

'''Chris: ''' Alright ya'll listenin to the station everything KCWC, and wasn't that a great song, folks? Get down, man! Heh heh! Well, right now, we're gonna play for you: a Disney song! It happens to be from one of my favorite movies, ''[spoken quickly]'' as you might have guessed, one of the most popular movies, [[Cole_Smithey#Internet_infamy|Toy Story]]! Yeah, that's right, it's that famous song, "[[Wikipedia:You've Got A Friend In Me|You've Got A Friend In Me]]." And boy, wasn't that [[Wikipedia:Buzz Lightyear|Buzz Lightyear]] funny, I mean,

'''Chris trying to sound like Buzz Lightyear: ''' To infinity and beyond!

'''Chris: ''' Ah, ah, well, anyway, take it away, Buzz and [[Duck|Woody]], with that famous song of yours, ah ah!

[tape stops and Randy Newman's "You've Got a Friend in Me" plays]

'''Chris: ''' Now wasn't that a great Disney song, folks? Well, I thought it was great too. But right now we're gonna- take a break from the tunes and take a little commercial break. But first, a word from our sponsor, the ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' show[!

'''Chris trying to sound like Lucy:''' ''Hello friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|Do you poop out at parties?]] Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin. Yes, Vitameatavegamin contains Vitamins Meat Vegetables and Minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to health. All you do is take a great big tablespoonful after every meal. Mmmmmmm..... It's so tasty, too! Mmm! Tastes just like candy! So why don't you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That's Vita-meata-vegamin!

I love Lucy and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. Sometimes we quarrel but then... ha ha ha How we love making up again. Lucy kisses like no one can. She's my Mrs. and I'm her man. Life is heaven you see, Cause I love Lucy, and I love Lucy, and Lucy loves me!!''

'''Chris: ''' Hey there, all you [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|guys, gals, dudes of all ages]]! Well, you're listening to the everything KCWC, this is your host, Christian Chandler, and, uh, before we, emm, announce the next song, we're gonna give you our joke of the day! And this joke comes from, ehh, Christopher Chandler from [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]! And the joke goes like this.

'''Chris as his younger self:''' Why is six afraid of se-

[Chris gets cut off mid-joke as part four ends]

===Part V===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part V
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sw3gT38hJNA}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

'''Chris as his younger self:''' ''[resumes mid-joke from part four into part five.]'' -ven. 'Cuz seven, eight nine!

'''Chris:''' ''[Chris laughs]'' Now that's a pretty funny one! Thank you Christopher Chandler. Anyway, our next song is another Disney song and it is entitled ''[Chris badly sings]'' "Ooh, oopey doo, oobey doo, I wanna be like yo-hoo-hou, wapey do-ee do wah!" from the Jungle Book. Yeah, that's right, the Jungle Book. Okay Tink-okay Kemuway take it away. Oh by the way Luey, I don't want to be like you! ''[Chris laughs]''

''[Tape cuts out in the middle of the recording then resumes]''

''"I Wan'na Be Like You" sung by [[Wikipedia:Louis Prima|Louis Prima]] for the Disney film ''[[Wikipedia:The Jungle Book (1967 film)|The Jungle Book]]'' plays]''

''[Tape cuts back out and in again]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EV'ery thing KCWC. And it is now one-thirty in the afternoon and we're going to-- ''[Chris cuts himself off with vocalized phone rings]'' Uh-oh, gotta call on line one. ''[Bloops and Chris pretends to answer the phone]'' 'Allo! It's your time, what's your rhyme!

'''Barbara Chandler:''' Hello! My name is Barbara Chandler and I'm calling to request a song for my husband for his birthday - ''[Chris interrupts]''

'''Chris:''' No kiddin'.

'''Barbara:''' His name is [[Bob Chandler]] and he's 71 years old today. ''[Chris interrupts]''

'''Chris:''' No kiddin'.

'''Barbara:''' ''[In a very-mildly agitated tone]'' and the song I would like to request is "[[Wikipedia:A Bushel and a Peck|A Bushel and a Peck]]". ''[Chris interrupts for a third time]''

'''Chris:''' A bushel on a peck, an' a hug aroun'da neck for a seventy-one-year-old man. ''[light laugh]''

'''Barbara:''' Ah think so. Thank you very much.

'''Chris:''' ''[Quickly]'' Okay bye.

'''Barbara:''' Bye.

'''Chris:''' Ya heard it righ' here folks a-a request for birfday boy here. So a Happy Birthday goes out to Robert Chandler. And we will p'say "A Bushel and a Peck" from [[Wikipedia:Guys and Dolls|''Guys and Dolls'']].

''[Tape cuts out, then begins playing "A Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls]''

''[Tape cuts back in]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to EV'erything [[KCWC]]. And right now we're gonna go down to the top tens- songs. Of them all. Cuz I gotta start up with um'uh-nuh we're gonna start um' right now.

Number Ten is- uh- "[[Wikipedia:Go the Distance|Go the Distance]]" from [[Wikipedia:Hercules (1997 film)|''Hercules'']]. Number Nine is uh- "ccc" from- The Chipmunks. Number Eight is uh- "The Results Theme" from Mario Kart 64. Number Seven is "Saddle Up" is from Virtual Sonic. Number Five is, uh- uh- the uh-Opening theme from Starfox 64. And Number Three is the uh ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog CD| The Palmtreee Panic]]'' background song from the Sonic's CD. And Number Two is "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story. And the number one hit song which we're gon'play up next- uh- "What's More American" sung by Bing Crosby.

Take it away Bing!

''[Tape cuts out at the end of part Five]''

===Part VI===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VI
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mHRCvY9GjhU}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

[''There's a long silence until 00:20 when "What's More American" resumes.'']

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everything KCWC. And right now it is 3 o'clock and we're gonna take a break from the music and get right back to you with the news. Okay, Ted newcaster, take it away!

[''Chris lowers his voice and somehow sounds even more retarded than usual'']

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you, Mr. Chandler! Well first of we're gonna go back to the robbery that's in- that's in- still in progress. Come in copter one.

[''Chris makes noises I presume to be helicopter noises and does the voice for copter one'']

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Here I am in copter one, folks. Again with the bank manager and we're still chasing the robber. And he's on his- he's nearing his hide-out. Okay, here he is parking his car. Getting out of the car with the five million dollars in his suitcase. [inaudible] And luckily I have a police escort with me so we're gonna land now and catch the burglar. Goin' on down now!

[''Chris makes more helicopter noises'']

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Okay, here I am now at the place I'm go in and capture that burglar. Okay, lets go!

[''Chris puts on a deeper, more authoritative voice, presumably pretending to be a policeman'']

'''Chris as policeman:''' Okay, Robber! You got five seconds to get outta there with the five million dollars or we gonna bust on in and get it ourselves. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Okay men, send them in.

[''Chris makes farting noises, attempting to imitate gunshots and the sound of a door being kicked in.'']

'''Chris as policeman:''' Alright, we got ya surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

[''Chris puts on a very high pitched, rapid voice.'']

'''Chris as robber:''' Okay, okay! I'm out, please don't shoot! Don't shoot! Dont't shoot! I give up! I give up! I give up! Here's the five million dollars. I give up! I give up! Please take me in! Take me in! I'll never commit a crime anymore.

'''Chris as policeman:''' Good job, men! Listen, five million dollars gets a thousand dollar reward. Donate it to the Richmond station. Okay, c'mon men, lets get outta here!

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' And there you have it. We just had the capture of the burglar and the retrieving of the five million dollars. So tell me, Mr. bank manager, what do you have to say about this?

'''Chris as the bank manager:''' Well, all I have to say is that I [inaudible]. He sang like a true coward. So, and he's gonna- he also face going to jail so he might give up the life of crime and I won't have any more money stolen. That's all I have to say.

'''Chris as Copter 1:''' Okay, you heard right here live on station KCWC. Back to you, Ted!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you- thank you, copter one. Okay, right now we're gonna go back to the weather. Weatherboy...

'''Chris as Weatherboy:''' [clears throat] Eh, yes, and right now it is- right now it is 91 degrees and now it's mostly cloudy. There's a little sunshine right there, but we don't have any rain coming. No, sir! Right now they say it's only a 20% chance of rain. But tonight, it'll be perfectly clear and 79 degrees and tomorrow there'll be a slight chance- there'll be slight chance of rain. 30% chance, to be exact! And that's all I have to say. Back to you, Ted!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Okay, Weatherboy! And right now we're gonna go back to Chicago for another- for some more sports. We go down the basketball game between the, ah, the, ah, what is it? Oh yeah, the Chicago Bulls and New York Nicks. And the Bulls have won the base- the basketball game. That's a score of 53 to 50! Anyway, the Bulls won the baseball game. Okay, that's all I have to say about the sports! Now we're gonna take you live to the race track on Mario Kart 64.

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Okay, here we are at the race track and there Yoshi and Mario are fine. And they're wearing these [inaudible] and their karts are out of repair so- and we are about to start a kart race for the flower cup. And we're gonna give full coverage on Mario. Su- so here we are about to start the race. Lets go live!

[''There is the noise of a Mario Kart 64 race starting up'']

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Here we are at Toad's Turnpike, and the race is about to start, folks! On your mark, get set, go. And here we go with the race. Keep an eye on Mario, now, cause he's our main man. Mar- And, ah, he's in third place right now. Ahead of him is Koopa and ahead of Koopa is Peach. Oh, and he makes a splendid right hand turn. Oh, and he give a green shell which he picked up to Koopa. He's closing in on Peach. He's making another turn. Oh, but peach turns ghost. Now Mario picks up another item. He shoots a green shell and gets a ghost. Uh oh! Oh, he got into the green shell he shot and now he see's the other one and he uses a ghost and what does he get? Oh, from that ghost he receives a red shell, and he bounces it off trucks, no problem. He raises his red shell and on a stair way he shoots it, and it won't hit Peach because she ha- had a banana on her, and Mario has picked up another red shell. He's raised it and he shoots it. Is it gonna hit Peach? I don't know, folks. It knocks Peach against a wall. Mario picks up... Oh man, somebody has shot a lightning bolt. It's Luigi! Oh man, Mario's on a dirt place. Oh, and Mario goes back to full size and so has everybody else. Now with only two shells, he makes another turn. On turn, he picks up another item. He shoots, and picks up a mushroom! And is on his final green shell he had to use it because Koopa had his coming. So, Mario uses the final green shell. Uh oh! Oh, [inaudible] he uses a mushroom and
he got plenty of mystery items, and he's still in second place, folks. Peach is way ahead. [inaudible] make first place but lets keep an eye on him, anyway. He's got a mystery box, a decoy box. And he puts it in- he lets it go. And he get another item, it's a red shell! I don't think it'll make Peach but he goes on ahead and shoots it, and he hits a banana peel. Oh, and he goes into a major peel out. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the best races I ever seen in my life. One of the most exciting, too. Okay, and Mario makes another turn. He picks up another item. It's a lightning bolt! How lucky is that? And everybody has gotten shrunk except for Mario. And Mario hits a banana peel but he doesn't slip. He must have hit the break. And now he picks up a set of green sh- set of three green shells. Mario passes a couple of trucks. Now, he's making another turn. He almost slipped on a banana peel but the- one of his green shells took the hit for him. This is the third lap, folks. And he's almost towards the finish line. Oh, and he goes between a [inaudible] and a truck magnificently. And he passes the finish line with second place. And first place is Peach, Mario is followed by Koopa and Koopa is followed by Donkey Kong and the rest are in the last four positions. We take you now to the results. Mario is in second place with six. Peach is in first with nine. Koopa at- with three. And Donkey Kong with with one. And the rest have zero. And now we go to the next race, in Frappe Snowland, and Mario in position in second place. On your mark, get set. Oh, and Mario takes a rocket boost to start as he's tring to go to his right. He picks up...

[Chris gets cut off mid-sentence as part six ends]

===Part VII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|I7RFF2spayw}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}
====Transcription====

[''Mario Kart commentating continues from last video'']

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' ... an item. It's a banana peel, and he is in first place. How will he use his banana peel? Just right at the turn. Now he's going over the hill. Oh, and it looks like he hit somebody. I'm not sure who it was, but he hit somebody. Oh, and he picks up a green shell, he uses it, it hits Peach. Peach is still in second place, though, but, uh, Mario is still is first. He's way ahead by some. Oh, and Mario picks up a red shell. Don't think there'll be a need for that, but he's got one. And Peach is closing in on him. He crosses the bridge. He's on his second lap! He starts the second lap, folks. He gets- he picks up another item. He lets go of- he releases his red shell, and he picks up a banana line-up. Oh, and Peach has passed him. Now Mario's in second. He throws the banana peel and Ma- and Peach slips. And he's still got the bana- got one banana peel left. And he picks up another item. It's a single banana. How's he uses it? Simple! He uses it in the- in the lot of mystery boxes. And he picks up a single mushroom as his item. How will he use it? He's keeping it. Lets see what happens, though. He makes another turn, on the curbs. He makes another- other turns. He's really keeping that mushroom, though. Not using it. He's still making his other turns. He's going over the hill. He still hasn't used his mushroom, yet. Now he goes through the field of snowmen. Now he makes another turn. Oh, and he uses that mushroom to go over that snail hill for a short-cut. Now- now he picks up another item. It's a single banana peel. And he makes another turn. Oh, but hit the wall before he can make his turn. He's lost the banana. And he crosses the bridge. And he wins in first place! That was a magnificent race, folks. Mario in first place, followed by Donkey Kong, the Koopa, then Yoshi and the rest on the last four positions. Lets go live to the results. Mario's in the lead with fifteen points. Peach is in second with nine. Donkey Kong with seven. Koopa with six. And Yoshi probaby got some points. He picked up one point and is in fifth place. The rest have zero. Now lets go live to the next race. Which is Chocolate Mountain! And Mario's in position. Ready! Set! Go! Oh, and Mario picks up another rocket boost at start. And he gets to another turn. He picks up an item. It's a single mushroom. Might as well gonna save that one for later. Now he's making another turn on the wide turn. He does it successfully. He goes through the boxes. And he still hasn't u- oh, and he hits something. He hits a hill. And, uh, Toad and Donkey Kong have past him, because he was probably thinking about something else. But right now Mario is back and he picks up three green shells. And he uses one on Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong gets Toad in a chain reaction. Now Mario is still in first place. He's still got... [inaudible]... closing in on him. He shoots one green shell to pick up an item, and it's a green she- it's another green shell. And he uses it that third green shell on Koopa. And he pulls out his new green shell. What's he gonna do with it? He shoots it behind him. And he picks up another green shell from the other item boxes. He shoots that behind him. Now he has no items. And Donkey Kong is closing in on him. But it looks like somebody [inaudible] but I dont think it was Donkey Kong. Now new item pick up. It's a red shell. And he uses immediately and hits... uh-oh, a koopa has hit Mario. He's fallen behind. He's in fourth place. No wait, now he's in third. He picks up three mushrooms. He uses them. And uses the third one to go ahead of Toad aaaand Koopa and he's out way in the lead. And Donkey Kong is somewhere 'round the hill. And Mario picks up a mushroom, now he's in second place. Now he's started using his unlimited mushroom. He makes a turn. He's still in second. He uses his mushroom. Oh, and there's Koopa not far ahead. But I'll take Mario and make it first place. Donkey Kong second and Mario makes third place. Ladies and gentlemen, was a magnificent racde, if I do say so myself. Koopa won, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Mario, followed by Toad. I'll take you live to the results. Mario's still in first place with eighteen. Koopa with fifteen. Donkey Kong with thirteen. Peach with nine. And Yoshi and Toad tied in fifth place with one. The rest have zero. Now we take you live to the next race, in the Mario Raceway. This is the final race, folks! Mario's in positions at third place. On your mark! Get set! Go! And Mario takes another rocket boost at start and he hops over Koopa. Now he picks up an item. It's a decoy mystery box. And he drops it. He make another turn. He goes around that mushroom. He picks up another item. It's a green shell, and almost straight away he shoots it behind him, but it hits nobody. Now he making his auto-turn. And he goes across the sand using another turn. And Koopa is directly behind him. But Mario is still in first place. Uh oh, he hit the grass. And Ma- and Koopa [inaudible] but he didn't pass. Mario picked up a green shell. Uh oh, Koopa's passed him. But Mario shoots his green shell and timed it right, hit Koopa. Now Peach is in second but Mario is still first. And Mario picked up... five banana peel and he uses them all straight away. And now he's taking a sneaky short-cut again usaing his auto-turn. He's way, way ahead, folks. And now he's in for the final lap. He picks up another item. And it is another green shell. He shoots it behind him. He's making his auto-turns. He's going around the mushroom. He making an auto-turn. And he picks up a mushroo- a single mushroom. I notice how he use that to hit the grass and sandy short-cut. That's a long short-cut, folks. And now Mario's passing through a tunnel. Uh oh, He makes and wrong turn and goes the wrong way. But now he's still in first place and passes finish line. Wins with first place. Ladies and gentlemen, that was a magificent race. Mario won in first, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Koopa and followed by Peach and the rest are in the last places. Lets go live to the results. Mario's won with 27 points, followed by Donkey Kong with nineteen and I didn't get to see the rest. Right, now here we are at the trophy ceremony live at Peach's castle. Let's go live. Here comes Mario as the first place winner. And here comes Donkey Kong in the third place mount. And Koopa coming up in the secon- uh here's come Koopa coming in the third place mount. I don't know. Lets see how it comes up, though. Mario get the win with first place, Donkey Kong with second an Koopa with third. And here comes the floating glow fish. He's got the trophy for Mario and the trophy is GOLD! This was a bunch of magnificent races, folks. Tell me Mario, what do you have to say about this?

'''Chris as Mario:''' [''his voices starts out very high pitch then lowers rather drastically''] Well, all I have to say it feel go to be a winner. I always feel like a real winner. I just need more winning, that's all. [inaudible] Thank you very much! Back to you!

'''Chris as sports commentator:''' Alright! Now that's enough for the races. Back to you Ted Baster!

'''Chris as Ted the Newscaster:''' Thank you! Now that's it for the Mario Kart races. Now we go back to the music. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

'''Chris:''' Alright! Thank you, Ted Baster! As you know it was three o'clock before the news started but right now, with the, since we were just mplayingMario Kart 64, we are now going live with Starfox music. We gonna play the, ah, famous song from that game, Titania and Macbeth. Take it away, Fox McCloud.

[''Tape stop and resumes with Starfox 64 - Titania and Macbeth'']

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everyth-

[''Chris is cut off in the middle of a word'']

===Part VIII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VIII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Z9ZB40YL0e8}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====

''[Video cuts in mid sentence from previous video]''

'''Chris:''' -ing KCWC and we're about to play a couple of Disney songs now. First one we're gonna play is uh-- a good one from Aladdin and the King of Thieves. It's-it's out. Are you in or out? I don't know whether I'm in or out! ''[fake laugh]''. Dagum I'm inside... aw skip it! Anyway, here's a Disney song. Take it away, Aladdin.

''[Audio cuts out for a moment then begins playing ''Are You In Or Out?" from Aladdin and the King of Thieves.]''

''[Audio cuts back out and in again]''

'''Chris:''' You are tuned in to everything KCWC and it is now 9:30PM I promised you two Disney songs and I'm gonna give you the second one. It is from the movie Pocahontas and it is entitled "Just Around the River Bend." That is a very nice song you know. So take it away Pocahontas!

''[Audio cuts then begins playing "Just Around the River Bend" from Pocahontas.]''

''[Audio skips]''

'''Chris:''' And we're back. You're listening to everything KCWC an' right now we're gonna throw another contest. Just the last one for the day and we're gonna play another song from a movie. An' if you can call in- and guess what movie this song- is from I will award that person- with a CD entitled "Frank Sinatra: The Capitol Collectors Series". An' right now we're gonna give you the song. Oh yeah, and remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Hope you enjoy the song and I hope somebody calls in. Course I'll take anybody who'll give me de right answer. Take it away mysterious song.

''[Audio skips then begins playing "Cotton Blossom" from Show Boat.]''

''[Audio skips]''

'''Chris:''' You are listening to everything KCWC an' right now it is a quarter to midnight. While-uh-we don't-uh I'm sorry to say, but we don't have a winner for dat- last contest. By the way that was duh-"Cotton Blossom" from the movie Show Boat. I guess nobody wanted a CD. OH well, I'll just save it for next time. But right now we're about to close up our station for the night. Bu-bu-but we're gonna give off a final little number by Frankie Sinatra. It was entitled "-igh Hopes" and I have high hopes in ya'll having good dreams tonight. ''[Elmer Fudd laugh]'' Well, good night folks. Alright, take it away Frankie, again.

''[Audio skips and begins playing "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra.]''

''[Video cuts out in the middle of the song.]''

===Part IX===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IX
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hk77GPIABJ8}}
| stardate = 4 [[1990s#1998|September 1998]] [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
''[Video cuts in during the middle of "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra. The remainder of the slideshow has the debut [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] album playing during it. The video cuts off during "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]".]''

===Part X===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part X
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0aoToAm_n3A}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''Video is silent for 12 seconds before "BFF's (Best Friends Forever)" begins playing. The video ends during the middle of "[[Feel So Lonesome]]", coincidentally enough during the "STOP!" part.'']

===Part XI===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XI
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W3FnQ6xtqwU}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''The rest of "Feel So Lonesome" and the album plays. After the album ends, Chris plays "Thinkin' Bout You" by [[Britney Spears]], and then afterwards "Free Up Your Mind" by Emma Bunton. The video cuts out in the middle of the latter song.'']

===Part XII===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q81oIfo4XzU}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''The rest of "Free Up Your Mind" by Emma Bunton plays, followed by "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes, "For You I Will" by Monica, and "Yellow is a Mellow Color" (again). The video cuts out in the middle of the last song.'']

===Part XIII===
<center>{{Protip|The original copy of this was muted by Warner Music Group (WMG), as Chris used a song in this video without permission (of course). (Un)fortunately, it was muted at the video level; therefore, this copy has no sound. Also, the FUTURE MESSAGE bit is not shown in the video linked.}}</center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XIII
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fXHSVpX2ux0}}
| stardate = [[2003|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

====Transcription====
[''The rest of M2M's "Don't Say You Love Me" plays, followed by the FUTURE MESSAGE.'']

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-02-24]]

{{CWC on TV}}

14 Branchland Court

2016-10-31T03:19:18Z

Mr3urious: /* Second floor */

[[File:14bc1.jpg|thumb|The house in 2012.]]
[[Image:ChrisHouseMap.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
{{quote|No burglar would ever want anything in this house.|Chris, being surprisingly ([[Manchester High Leaks|almost]]) modest.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#No burglar would steal Chris's stuff|Mailbag 44]]</ref>}}

'''14 Branchland Court''', [[Ruckersville, VA]] is the vile lair of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]], [[Christopher's name change|Christopher's ghost]], [[Clover and Snoopy]] and the surviving [[Chandler cats]]. It was a white two-storey house with dark red trimming (which faded to ivory and pink respectively) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville, although since its renovation has been repainted in beige with dark green shutters. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], and with no major work done since [[1986]]<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref>, the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values{{cite}}.

As of [[March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a grievous understatement; the entire house is packed with garbage. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid, impassable slabs of filth like in the living room, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the alarming implications of the house's condition (with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.virginia.gov/LHD/ThomasJefferson/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. In the wake of Bob making that remark, [[weens]] made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts seemed to amount to little more than preventing his [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. [[Barb]] apparently threatened to throw him out of the house if he were to attempt to dispose of some of her hoard of useless shit.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Whether or not Barb did it to stop Bob from using the computer is unknown, but at at rate he did.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

In [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] to [[Rocky Shoemaker]] in 2011, it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.

On 10 January 2014, Chris reported that the house had sustained major structural damage from an [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|early-morning house fire]] following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy the cat, and other possessions made it out safely, and they spent about a year in a [[Rental House|rental house]] which they predictably completely trashed.

On December 6, 2014, Chris had announced on Facebook that 14 Branchland Court had been renovated and that he and his mother would be moving back in. Although Chris was temporarily detained in jail after his misadventure on [[26 December 2014]], he was later released on bail and moved back into his house in January 2015.

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February [[1982]]) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall [[1992]], Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in [[2000]] after Chris graduated [[high school]]. In [[100 2178|a video]] released in [[May 2010]], Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. Chris naturally attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system, but as this article explains, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain".|Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}
In two videos uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so cluttered that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

===First floor===
[[File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|250px|Bob in the family room.]]
In the north corner is what Christian mystifyingly describes as "the [[music]] room", which is primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

===Second floor===
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in April [[2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] here over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, filled with garbage to the point of uselessness, is across the stairway from Chris's room. Though since renovations, it is likely used as Chris's [[Work Room|work room]] for storing toys and shooting videos.
{{clear}}

===Yard===
The Chandlers' yard consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since died. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where [[Bob]] would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her [[Father Call|5-10 ton doghouse]] still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was slimmer and he had yet to start his [[Love Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and trees healthy. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.{{cite}}

As of [[February 2012]], the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|God knows what else]]. From the street one could barely stand the smell and only the bravest of Ruckersville's citizens dare to venture past.

In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwZKGe4BOSE a video], showing the front yard almost completely covered by an untrimmed lawn, in addition to the above.

==The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo==

In 2013, a [[Tour_of_Chris's_House_II|video was leaked]] by [[Alec Benson Leary]] showing the state of Chris's home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say ''(especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012)'', the house has become even ''more'' of a mess since then. Whereas Chris had at least ''some'' room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess- the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the [[ShowerClean|last video Chris released of him cleaning it]] - and he even admits so himself in the video.

Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that every so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.

In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris-Chan fashion]], he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.

When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is ''completely'' overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.

Given his commentary, it ''almost'' seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barbara Chandler|parents]] for being "hoarders" and [[Chris_and_remorse#Shifting_blame|totally shifting blame away from himself]], ''despite'' being the "man" of the house.

By this time, the bug infestation appears to have been gotten rid of, or at least contained. It was stated before that the infestation was so bad that Chris was confined to his room in order to avoid getting bitten, but in this video, no bugs are seen and Chris makes no mention of them.

==Destruction of the Chandler Household==

[[Image:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|right|Witness image of 14 Branchland Court on fire. On Facebook, Chris blamed Keurig for causing the fire, but later let slip in an email that it was plugged into a "heavy-duty" extension cord in the basement bathroom.]]

On 10 January 2014, a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|fire broke out]] at the Chandler household. According to Chris, this was caused by a worn extension cord plugged into a coffee machine, which sparked and started the blaze. Chris, his mother, the beagles and Lucy (one of the cats) made it out safely, surprising when you consider how much clutter was obstructing the stairways. The firefighters could not effectively navigate the house through either door, and were forced to enter through the windows. One of the cats died in the fire and was buried in the backyard.

The Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to take his wallet, medication for his mother, some clothes, and his iPhone. The day after the fire, he and his mother were allowed to reenter the structure, and he learned to his relief that many of his personal possessions, including his games, his computers, and his artwork, had survived. His [[Lego]] [[high school]] was partially melted. Chris was also observed on [[Miiverse]] shortly after the fire, suggesting that he managed to save his [[Nintendo]] 3DS or Wii U at some point. However, it can be assumed that much of the horde suffered fire, smoke, and/or water damage.

As completely tragic as this incident was, it did not come as much of a surprise, given Barbara's hoarding and Chris's unwillingness or inability to control his mother's compulsions or properly clean. As pointed out by quite a few concerned people, the house had ''always'' been a health and safety hazard, and it was only a matter of time before disaster struck. Sadly, Chris was unable or unwilling to act on this well-meaning advice, and, as a result, reaped what he and his family had sown.

Chris and his mother stayed at a [[Rental House|rental house]] for most of 2014 as repairs to 14 Branchland Court were made. They also rented a storage locker. For reasons which are not entirely clear, the renovation of the house took much longer than anticipated. Nevertheless, the worst fears, that the house would be condemned or the renovations would not be finished, were unrealized. In December 2014 and January 2015, the Chandlers moved back in.

==Return of the Chandler Household==
[[File:14bc215.jpg|thumb|left|A renovated 14BC.]]

On the 6th of December, 2014, Chris announced on [[Facebook]] that his home had finally been repaired, and he would be moving back in near the start of the [[2015|new year]]. While some are hopeful that Chris would learn from this experience, take better care of his home and not cause it to be the clusterfucked fire hazard it was last time, it ''really'' doesn't seem hopeful, [[Autism|given]] [[Barb|certain]] [[Chris_and_health#Living_conditions|factors]].

Ever a busy man, Chris managed to fit a [[26 December 2014|run-in with the law on Boxing Day, followed by two days in jail]] into his moving schedule. Once he was released on bond on 29 December, Chris was shortly back to complaining about having a "Charlie Horse [sic]" from moving his mother's horde back to the house. Because, you know, that was his main concern, rather than his impending trial in February. Naturally, it doesn't seem to have crossed his mind that, being a repeat offender, he might not get to enjoy his renovated house for long.

After Chris' second hearing in April started and finished half an hour early, and they failed to make it in, the Christorians who took it upon themselves to attend decided to make the most of their visit and go on a tour of and take photos of the major places in Chris' life, including 14 Branchland Court. Their photographs showed that the Chandler headquarters have been modernized, and no longer looks like ''total'' shit. This is partially due to the modernized exterior, and partially due to most of the horde still being in storage. Photographs also showed some sort of outhouse in the backyard raised off the ground, and currently full of the horde.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it;
*It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his mother's mail on a regular basis.
*Barb will receive it and dismiss it as old news. Reports show that she has read some of the letters, seen everything in them before, and ignored them accordingly.

==Visiting==
[[File:House-fail-bursting-at-the-seams.jpg|thumb|The possible current state of 14 Branchland Court.]]

When occupied by the Chandlers, visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and trades the deed to it for magic beans, are ill-advised. Harassing the Chandlers at their house is not only the paragon of [[ween]] behavior, ''it is also a criminal offense'' and will probably result in you getting arrested. Chris and especially Barb shouldn't have to contend with the troll horde within the sanctum of their own home. We shouldn't have to be saying it at this point, but '''do not visit 14 Branchland Court to troll Chris or Barb.'''

Unless, of course, you ''are'' personally invited. To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], [[Catherine]] and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.
* On 29 January 2016, Chris proved he hasn't learned a ''thing'' over the years when, in [[Update 1/29/2016 - There is NO PewDiePie or Felix here whatsoever|a video]] intended to dissuade [[trolls|well-meaning fans]] from sending mail to [[Wikipedia:PewDiePie|Felix Kjellberg]] at his address, he felt the need to specify 14 Branchland Court as the address at which Kjellberg does not live.

==Gallery==
On 7 [[September 2013]], some pictures of the house were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
<center>
<gallery>
File:14BranchlandCourt1.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt2.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt3.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt4.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt5.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

On 3 [[March 2014]], pictures of the house post-fire were leaked on the forums. On the 3rd and 4th shots, note the damage to the left half of the roof, matching the location of the shot of the actual fire.
<center>
<gallery>
File:14BCPostFire1.jpg|
File:14BCPostFire2.jpg|
File:14BCPostFire3.jpg|
File:14BCPostFire4.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

On 14 [[April 2014]], more pictures were leaked on the forums.

<center>
<gallery>
File:IMG 5307.JPG|
File:IMG 5308.JPG|
File:IMG 5309.JPG|
File:IMG 5310.JPG|
File:IMG 5311.JPG|
File:IMG 5312.JPG|
File:IMG 5313.JPG|
File:IMG 5314.JPG|
File:IMG 5315.JPG|
File:IMG 5321.JPG|
File:IMG 5322.JPG|
File:IMG 5327.JPG|
File:IMG 5328.JPG|
File:IMG 5329.JPG|
File:IMG 5330.JPG|
File:IMG 5331.JPG|
File:IMG 5332.JPG|
File:IMG 5333.JPG|
File:IMG 5334.JPG|
File:IMG 5335.JPG|
File:IMG 5336.JPG|
File:IMG 5337.JPG|
File:IMG 5338.JPG|
File:IMG 5339.JPG|
File:IMG 5340.JPG|
File:IMG 5341.JPG|
File:IMG 5348.JPG|
File:IMG 5349.JPG|
File:IMG 5351.JPG|
File:IMG 5355.JPG|
File:IMG 5356.JPG|
File:IMG 5357.JPG|
File:IMG 5358.JPG|
</gallery>
</center>

Yet more pictures were leaked in [[April 2015]], showing the house as it appeared after the renovations.

<center><gallery>
File:14BCApril2015I.jpg
File:14BCApril2015G.jpg
File:14BCApril2015F.jpg
File:14BCApril2015D.jpg
File:14BCApril2015C.jpg
File:14BCApril2015B.jpg
File:14BCApril2015H.jpg|Barb's car, still for sale.
File:14BCApril2015E.jpg
File:14BCApril2015.jpg|The front yard, still a sty.
File:Bobs greenhouse.jpeg|Bob's old greenhouse.
File:Itj5aFp.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Video==
A video panorama view from the street, taken 5 February 2015.

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 14 Branchland Court: The Motion Picture
| video = {{#ev:youtube|nHRsavBhxGA}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| maker = Rammspieler
| subject = 14 Branchland Court}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]]
* [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Tour of Chris's House II]]
* [[Destruction Of Chris's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]
* [[Property tax assessment]] - Last appraisal of the house made by Greene County before the fire.

==References==
<references />
{{Places}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

Work Room

2016-10-31T03:16:22Z

Mr3urious: Just throwing out a theory of mine as to which room it actually is.

[[Image:Workroom1.JPG|thumb|The room, appearing in one of Chris's videos.]]
{{Stub}}
The Work Room is a mysterious room that [[Chris]] has mentioned a few times. One such mentioning is in [[IMG 3207]], where he said that he was in his [[bedroom]], which is separate from his work room.

The work room is most likely where he records his [[PS4]] live-streams, and videos. The room appears to be a cluttered mess of toys, [[Amiibo]]s, and other nonsense that he doesn't need. The room appears in several videos, including [[CWC Responds to a bully named Johan]], where you can see a ledge with toys on it, and Chris, surrounded by toys, as well as a closet to the right. There is a television in the room as well, but it is never seen, thus no-one knows what model, or type it is.

The work room is presumably the once-inaccessible living room seen in the [[Tour of Chris's House|house tour]] that Chris decided to stick all of his worthless toys into, besides his own bedroom.
[[Image:Wroom1.JPG|thumb|left|Amiibo table, and other garbage.]]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Chris's house]]

IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court

2016-09-14T21:48:01Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

{{Incomplete}}

The '''IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court''' followed the [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|Applebee's date]] between [[Catherine]] and Chris on 31 [[August 2014]]. As on the date itself, Catherine's cousin Al tagged along. As Catherine would later relate, "We were going to escape to the 'mechanic' where Catie's car was, but Chrissy wanted to follow us. When he offered to show us [[14 Branchland Court|14BC]], we took him upon it. We followed him even though Al knew where we were going. Chris seriously drives like my demented old grandma who doesn't have a license anymore because she kept going the wrong way up one way streets." For about ten minutes the trio trudged through the weedy, garbage-strewn lawn outside of Chris's burned-out home. Catherine's description: "The place is.... Bad. Much smaller than I thought it would be, too. Its overgrown and there is broken glass everywhere. Everywhere you look there's STUFF, all garbage. [[Robert Chandler|Bob]]'s old workshop is full of rubbish. His greenhouse is doing slightly better but not much."

After this stop, the three made their way to the [[Rental House|rental house]] for a [[Rental House Tour|tour]] and a meet-and-greet with [[Barbara Chandler|Chris's mother]] and their [[Clover and Snoopy|dogs]].

==Summary==

==Audio==

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = 14BC Tour Video
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|b4w28lQAON0}}
| Stardate = 31 [[August 2014]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Catherine]], Al
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==Transcript==
[''Garbled, Chris and Catie talking in the background'']

'''Catherine''': ...from what you had told me, it didn't sound like the damage was all that bad, it just in need of a new roof but it looks like it's a lot more damage – you must be... that must have been devastating!

'''Chris''': Yeah, [[Destruction of Chris's House|it was devastating]]. At least we all got out safe.

'''Catie''' and '''Al''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So what's under this tarp?

'''Chris''': Oh, that's, uh, material for the renovation.

'''Catherine''': Ah so...[garbled by Chris speaking over Catie]...better not touch it.

'''Chris''': The other triangle ones over there on the other side dumpster, rafters.

'''Al''': So, how long's it been here? I see that there's the leaves and everything on it...

'''Chris''': Oh, It's been here for, like, uh, about a week or two.

'''Catherine''': Oh, just a week or two?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': How long ago was the fire again?

'''Chris''': It was last January, on the tenth.

'''Al''': So it's been what, like, seven, eight months?

'''Chris''': Yeah, it happened at like two a.m.

'''Catherine''': That must-

'''Chris''': [[Clover and Snoopy|Dogs]] woke me up, and I saw the fire, I- I was like, oh my God, fire!

'''Al''': So...shit, so you just ran out of the house, then?

'''Chris''': Well, didn't- I didn't think of that initially, but I called 911, they advised us to get out of the house. [[Barbara Chandler|My mom]] tried to py- tried to put out the fire with the esstinguisher...

'''Catherine''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': If she had a second one, she would have won that battle!

'''Catherine''': Think so? Oh, don't go in!

'''Chris''': [?]

'''Al''': Is that all locked up, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, it's locked up. I don't even remember the combination anymore for that thing. I used to have it for when I was putting the box- collecting the boxes...

'''Al''': So after the fire, you got what was left out of the house, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, we salvaged a lot! There were a lot of things that were still...very good shape.

'''Catherine''': What kind of things?

[garbled, as everyone speaks at the same time]

'''Chris''': Hundreds, and thousands...

'''Catherine''': Oh, there's broken glass, I'm not going to stand there!

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': You've got hundreds-

'''Catherine''': Come right here and not stand on the broken glass!

'''Al''': I got boots on, I'm fine.

'''Catherine''': Well, you've got boots on, I haven't.

'''Al''': Yeah, well...damn.

'''Chris''': Oh, it's the same shoes as you wore in the picture!

'''Catherine''': Yeah! They're my favorite shoes. I'm probably going to have to get rid of them soon, they're starting to get um...
[garbled]

'''Chris''': They've got a nice selection at [[Target]] or [[Walmart]]-

'''Catherine''': Mm-hmm, usually. I used to get my shoes at the [?]-

'''Chris''': Yes, they're the upper end, that.

'''Catherine''': ...discount- discount shoe warehouse.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it's a good place. If you- if you know how to shop, you get them pretty cheap.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, Chris, you said the fire was eight months ago, but they only delivered that stuff like, a week or two ago?

'''Chris''': Yeah, a whole lot paperwork had to be processed, everywhere.

'''Al''': Yeah!

'''Catherine''': What sort of paperwork?

'''Chris''': Oh, you know, the- whate- I don't know all- I don't know specifically, but-you-know, between state farm and Arcam Construction [sp?] and...[[Rainbow]] Cleaners...

'''Catherine''': Okay.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So...I suppose...[?]...I was born to speak all mirth and no matter, it's a quote from Shakespeare. This one's Shakespeare as well.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I like Shakespeare.

'''Chris''': I know you do, you told me.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it's a little strange, but...

'''Chris''': Yeah, and the li- and the Tudors, you like dressing up for Halloween.

'''Catherine''': Mm-hmm, I love dressing up for Halloween; Halloween is not too fa- too far out.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, you know...

[garbled]

'''Al''': So, what happened- what happened with all the windows and all?

'''Chris''': The firemen did that, they broke the windows so they could get in... yeah, 'cuz of all the clutter we had...in the house.

'''Catherine''': [unclear, perhaps: Yeah, you got- you've got to throw some of those things out?]

'''Al''': So what's the story with this? It looks like an old car.

'''Chris''': Uhhh, no, uh, actually it was a- it was- it's in newer condition than you think.

'''Al''': How long's it been sitting here?

'''Chris''': It has been sitting here since the fire, actually, uh, couldn't get it started to move it...da battery died, it needs a new battery.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that's an easy fix!

'''Chris''': Yeah it's an easy fix, but then it's got worse problems than that. We're gonna sell it.

'''Al''': Yeah. How much you trying to get for it?

'''Chris''': Mm, I don't know, My mom my- my mom...I don't know, that's her department, but...guessing, guessing maybe five, two to five grand.

'''Al''': Two to five grand? How long's it been since it's run?

'''Chris''': Ugh.

'''Al''': Since the fire, you said?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty much.

'''Al''': Well, Chris...how old's this car again?

'''Chris''': Ugh, I forget. Um...

'''Al''': Probably about fifteen years, or so?

'''Chris''': Uhh, a lot le- I'd say...less than that.

'''Al''': All right. Well, if it hasn't run in almost eight or nine months, a lot of the gasoline inside the motor can clog it up and damage the motor so the engine might be damaged. I don't know if you'd get two or five grand for it.

'''Chris''': Eh, well, you never know, we're gonna try sell it.

'''Al''': Yeah. I don't know, I hope- I hope...

'''Catherine''': I suppose you'd have to get what you could for it.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': I hope you get some cash for it, so, yeah...

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well, maybe you could help me find somebody.

'''Catherine''': There's always [[Craigslist]]!

'''Al''': Yeah. But you get a bunch of weird people on Craigslist, too.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I suppose you do. I mean, I don't use Craigslist very much, but...

'''Al''': So what's this? Is this like, an old dog pen, or bed-

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, [[Patti]], my dog Patti, who, uh, died quite- quite a few years ago, she lived- she lived in the pen. I moved the doghouse with [[obesity|my muscles]] and how [[I AM STRONG|strong]] I was, moved it right over there to where we buried her.

'''Catherine''': Oh, right there!

'''Al''': She bur- what?

'''Chris''': We buried her underneath where that doghouse is.

'''Al''': Right- right over there where that doghouse is?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But that's- I guess it's best not to tread on it.

'''Al''': Yeah, probably not good to walk-

'''Catherine''': Oh, you've got a little gazebo back here!

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Ah, ye- did you ever spend time here?

'''Chris''': Yeah, in- young- in my younger years we did spend time in the gazebo. And then my par- and then my parents got older than they did and couldn't [garbled] tend to the yard as well.

'''Catherine''': Well, you could've-

'''Al''': Maintenance- when you have a property, maintenance is a huge issue, so...

[garbled]

'''Catherine''': Did you step up and help them a bit [Chris speaks over Catie]

'''Chris''': I helped, I helped a bit, yeah.

'''Al''': So what did you do to help them around maintenance, around the house?

'''Chris''': Eh, I pull- [[Father Call|I pulled weeds]] and mowed some- I did mow a lo- I'd mow the lawn, I mowed the yard, yeah.

'''Al''': What's underneath here?

'''Chris''': Uh, just old furniture.

'''Al''': Furniture...

[garbled]

'''Chris''': Like I said, a lot of stuff. Eh, get rid of all this, I'm sure.

'''Al''': Yeah.

[Catie in background, indistinct]

'''Al''': Hey, uh, Chris, so what's this?

'''Chris''': Oh, that's the workshop.

'''Al''': Well, what's it say here out front?

'''Chris''': Oh, that's a memem- in memory of my father, here, that's his- it's a, it was me and Mis- me and my father's "dreaming studio"...[Al talks over Chris]

'''Al''': Hey, Catie! Come take a look at this!

'''Catherine''': What have we got here?

'''Al''': So that plaque, that little sign there on the door, who made that?

'''Chris''': He did, my father.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that's lovely! [The plaque reads: "DREAMING STUDIO OF MR. C AND LITTLE C WHERE DREAMS DO COME TRUE - 1989"]

'''Al''': So your father did?

'''Chris''': Yeah. He kep-

'''Al''': When did he make it?

'''Catherine''': Oh, it says [[1989]] [Chris chimes in: 1989] right there on the bottom.

'''Al''': Oh! So you would have been how old then?

'''Chris''': It would have been...uh, definitely seven.

'''Al''': Seven years old...so this was a workshop, you said?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So what did you and your father do here?

'''Chris''': Oh, we ended up building a few things in there.

'''Al''': What- what sort of things did you build? Do you remember?

'''Chris''': Oh, you know, wood- wood things, whatever.

'''Al''': Like carpenter stuff.

'''Chris''': Yeah, kind of.

'''Catherine''': Like cabinet- or cabinet making?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, what, have you done anything in there since then?

'''Chris''': Ugh. Wha-Uh- um, uh, erm since uhh-fter we stopped using it we essentially been using it for storage...for...a number of our things.

'''Al''': Yeah. So how long's it been since you've used it as a workshop?

'''Chris''': Ugh, it's been like, uh...um, sometime after nine- sometime before ['92?] or after [[2000]], before we moved to Chesterfield and uh- that's his garden- his garden, though. He came back here in his la'er- in his later years within the past decade to, uh- y'know-

'''Catherine''': Ooh, more broken glass! I'm- gonna step carefully.

'''Chris''': [garbled]...yeah, they broke the glass out of the screen door, there.

'''Al''': So, wait a second, like, the glass here is falling outwards, like, did somebody break from the inside out? Or...

'''Chris''': Mm, yeah, I guess so.

'''Al''': 'Cuz like if they were outside and they broke the glass it would fall inside the building, so it-

'''Chris''': Yeah well, also, we moved things out, so we might [have] kicked some glass out here.

'''Al''': Ah.

'''Catherine''': Oh, there's [marbles?] everywhere!

'''Al''': So, when you left the house during the fire, what- where did you get out of? The front door?

'''Chris''': We went out- we went out through the front door.

'''Al''': Oh. It's good that you could get out that way, so...

'''Chris''': Yeah, he had his own little setup in there of all the, uh, little [people?] and [[Christmas]] things.

'''Al''': Ah, so your father set that up?

'''Chris''': Yeah!

'''Catherine''': Can we see?

'''Al''': Cool!

'''Chris''': He enjo- he enjoyed records.

'''Al''': Oh, jeez!

'''Catherine''': Oh, wow! That's quite- that's quite a collection!

'''Chris''': There's qui- there's quite a number of records.

'''Al''': Yeah, [such very beautiful-?]

'''Chris''': Like I say, [there's? He's too excited to hear] a real record case! Thousands of records.

'''Al''': Thousands of vinyl records.

'''Chris''': Yeah!

'''Al''': So those are all your father's?

'''Chris''': Yeah, all- they all were his.

'''Al''': So, have they just been sitting out there then, since he passed away?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Hey we got- there's- like, boxes of them more back at- between the storage unit and a few at the house we're renting.

'''Al''': So you've got a storage unit?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Does that help, to store some of your stuff?

'''Chris''': Yeah, a lot of it.

'''Al''': Yeah. Do you think you'd ever consider selling those records?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, I belie- yeah, we're thinking about it, either donating them or selling them.

'''Catherine''': Ouch...ouch!

[Chris and Al ignore this]

'''Chris''': Selling them will be a lot better...

'''Al''': I actually- I actually collect vinyl records, Chris...

'''Chris''': Oh you do?!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''' [noticeably thrilled]: You-ba-dee-you'll be a big help to us, Al!

'''Al''': Yeah. I-

'''Chris''': She's a lot more than heaven-sent since she brought you along, now! Haha!

'''Al''': Well, I might be willing to buy some [of] them, but it would have to be a fair price, and I- 'd be only the ones that I would want, but I might be able to help you out with some cash.

'''Chris''': I appreciate that. Thank you so much, Al!

'''Al''': Yeah, no- no problem, yeah.

'''Chris''': Hmm. Well, yeah, after we get moved back in, then we got all the boxes in- in the utility room area, which is close to that door you just passed...

'''Catherine''': Hello?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': We'll be able to [flip them out?]

[Catie talking on the phone in the background]

'''Al''': Well, yeah, don't sell 'em to anybody else, make sure you keep 'em, let me know first before you get rid of them.

'''Chris''': Oh, I'll hafta- I'll hafta get your- get your phone number into my phone-

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': -and your address, [get yours] over there...

'''Catherine''': Al!

'''Chris''': We'll go on- we'll go over there now...

'''Al''': How m- how-

'''Catherine''': That was the mechanic, he says he's going to close up sooner- oof! Sooner than he thought he would, said he's got a family emergency. We've got to get going now, as I need my things.

'''Al''': All right, well I can just give you a ride- I can just give you a ride home, anyway if you want, so...

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

26 December 2014

2016-07-06T15:49:05Z

Mr3urious:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was one of the more eventful days of Chris's life, certainly since [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduating high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with [[Wikipedia:Pepper spray|pepper spray]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. As a result, he had already been banned from every [[GameStop]] within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] (from which he may have already been banned) with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet.

While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise and had banned him accordingly. They had been on the lookout for him, suggesting this wasn't the first time he tried to return after being banned. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for lying unconvincingly, committing further acts of vandalism may indeed have been his real agenda that day.

Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and many details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, meaning Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at home.

On 28 [[December 2014|December]], a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when [[Tumblr]] user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It later became viral and one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Notably, Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, presumably being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, monozettai's inbox was flooded with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in [[Gamestop]] looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[Lie|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Soon after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, even though the footage does not support this claim, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local [[GameStop]]s (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of [[December 2014|December]] to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the [[Fashion Square]] [[GameStop]], and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New [https://www.skylanders.com/characters/blastermind Skylander Figure: Blastermind]. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace again. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. It was seen as a disturbing indicator that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]].

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a no-contact order on Chris as part of his bail conditions.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to have been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at [[mcdonalds]] on the way (not the [[ruckersville]] one across from [[walmart]]), because it was on 29 toward [[c-ville]]. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a [[decepticon]] than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable ''[sic]'' was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and [[Burger King]] – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” [[Barb]]’s [[Wikipedia:BMW Z3|Z-3]] had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two [[Jerk|MALES]]. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FI9INA16FaQ}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to the predictions of many, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing [[Chris and fashion|an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow]]. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of [[Wikipedia:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]] with [[Tomgirl|Ms. Caitlyn Jenner]] on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like [[Wikipedia:Mr. Peanut|Mr. Peanut]]. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up [[Sega]] executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that [[Son-Chu]] was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his [[autism|atismu]]. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his [[noviophobia]]. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation were not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from Marvin:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was [[Rocky]].

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the [[Wikipedia:Public defender|PD]] came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

==Epilog==
Chris's probation expired on 11 April 2016 and he paid his court costs of $541 on July 1 of that year.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away and raise his arms, probably in an attempt to wipe or rub his now maced eyes. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Ass Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow Shirt]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Happy Cat, Pollo kiss kiss

2016-06-08T16:03:14Z

Mr3urious:

'''Happy Cat, Pollo *kiss* *kiss*''' is a video [[Chris]] made on June 4th, 2016. The video is a redo of his previous fuckup, [[Happy Cat *kisses*]]. As before, Pollo shows that he doesn't quite [[Kitty Chandler|hate]] Chris yet. However, the video was deleted as of June 4th, for unknown reasons. On June 6th, 2016, the video was re-uploaded by CwCville Tourist.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Happy Cat, Pollo *kiss* *kiss*
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=eK0f7VF-sYY}}
| stardate =4 [[June 2016]]
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| previous = [[Happy Cat *kisses*]]
| next =
}}

== Transcript ==
(in a barely intelligible baby talk) Hello, Mr. Pollo. Whatcha know?

(Pollo purrs loudly throughout) Yes, you're a pretty cat. I know. That's you. Hmm.

You're a re- You're being video-recorded for your cuteness. You're funny and delightful. Yes you are.

You're a sweet kitty boy. (Pollo licks and rubs his face)

Love you too.

You think you are.

Like a happy cat. (makes blowing sounds) Yes you are. Don't worry about me, I think. I just have a hair in my mouth. It's okay. You're okay. Yes you are. (Pollo licks his face again)

(laughs and [[Stress sigh|sighs]])

Who's a cat? Who's a pretty cat? Yes you are. Yes you are. You're always a good cat. Yes, you have a pretty smile. You have a cute smile. Lucy has a cute smile too, don't she? Yes. (laughs)
----

Happy Cat, Pollo kiss kiss

2016-06-08T16:03:04Z

Mr3urious: I transcribed as best I could. It was a bitch trying to understand Chris's baby talk.

Proposition to Sega

2016-05-15T23:29:43Z

Mr3urious:

{{quote|As well as the world... yeah.. the world and all that.|Chris, trying to convince Sega to give a shit.}}

'''Proposition to Sega''' is a video [[Chris|Chris]] made on the 14th of [[May_2016|May, 2016]]. The video itself is of Chris, offering [[Sega|Sega]] to hold a small amount of control over his creation, [[Sonichu_(comic)|Sonichu]]. In the introduction of the video, Chris claims that "if you want what he's got", you have to go through him. After this, Chris lays down the details of his offer of the [[Sonichu_(character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] brand, and also states that profits would be shared halfway through both parties. However, Chris states that all creative control of Sonichu would still be in his hands, and that Sega would only be able to expand upon it. Chris also states he will need some "employee benefits", assistance with the creative side of his [[Relics_of_Fail|projects]], and that his salary at Sega as the senior manager of the Sonichu product would be [[Chris_and_Money|$100,000]] a year. But, out of an oddly specific request, Chris wants a corner office in whatever building Chris thinks Sega will stick him into, even if Sega considered it, or even noticed the request at all, as he put this application on [[YouTube|YouTube]], and didn't (As we know of) contact Sega through any means. Chris also states that he would still work at [[14_Branchland_Court|home]], rendering the corner office [[CADD|useless]].

== Requests ==

Chris claims that he would need to work from home due to his "hectic lifestyle", and that he would also need benefits like a 401K, which can be debated if Chris knows what that is, health insurance, and also maternity leave, which will never happen anyways. A secretary would also be needed to handle administrative duties, and an assistant to do Chris's [[Chris_and_his_Ego|responsibilities]], like getting dinner, and taking care of his [[Barb|mother]], and also, they need to be female, presumably to get [[china]]. Chris also requests a cartoon to be made for multiple markets, by the studio that he believes makes My Little Pony, "DHS" (he [[Speech impediment|obviously means]] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DHX_Media DHX Media]). Also, Chris states that an "adult cartoon" could be made, as well as an anime, and a traditional style cartoon.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Proposition to Sega
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rjFwRnzySGY}}
| stardate =14 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}} {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Striped shirt with blue sweater vest
| previous = [[Donation Request‎‎]]
| next =
}}
== Description ==
{{Quotebox|**This video is addressed directly to SEGA of America and SEGA of Japan; Responses will only be accepted from the Officials of SEGA. Such people can personally, and directly reply to me, Miss Christine Weston Chandler, of Ruckersville, VA, USA, at my email address of ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, and the Best, Most Direct Option is via US Mail to my home address,

Christine Weston Chandler
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545

Thank You.
}}
Note that Chris is assuming Sega will watch this video.
== Transcript ==
*'''Chris''' *Audio cut out* [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], so let's skip the introductions and get right down to business. You want what I got? Well you gotta go through m-me, and me alone, Christine Weston Chandler, Ruckersville, VA, in order to get. And lucky for you, I am such- I am open to such, an offer of partnership. I would offer you license to my original creation, Sonichu and Rosechu and the city of CWCville, as well as the world- yeah. The world and all that. Partnership would, uh, come with certain pre arran- [''there is a slight video error here''] -siouly. I would remain in c- creative control of Sonichu, and all associated media. I will be the sole owner of Sonichu, Sega...'s role here will be to expand the Sonichu brand name, as well as Rosechu, and a- help produce the various media includi- including video games, cartoons. These profits will be shared fifty percent, between the two parties. However I would also need an annual salary, and some co- and some common employment benefits. My salary for being in the senior branch is b- for being in the senior management position of the Sonichu product, at Sega, would be [[Chris and Money|one hundred thousand dollars]] a year. I would require a senior title, and a preferably corner office, even though I would be working at home. I would also need employees underneath t- underneath to assist with the administrative and creative sides of my Sonichu product. Project. But we will get to those later.

Due to my hectic lifestyle, I would need the ability to work from home, and when I choose. Also, basic benefits like 401k, health insurance, and [[Chris and Reality|maternity leave]]. Now, let's get down to my immediate staff. Due to the normal stresses of everyth- every day life and then some, and since Sonichu is not my only responsibility in my life, I require a secretary to handle administrative duties, benea- beneath my, uh, pay grade. And a personal assistant who would assist me with my daily- tasks which would typically include the following. Running errands, pickin' up, uh, lunch, breakfast, dinner, mm, pet sitting my dogs when I'm on business travel... getting mai- giving maintenance, on the uh, cars and whatever else required therein. Help on taking care of my [[Barb|aging mother]], as well as complete, in store pickup of items that I will purchase. I will want to be in charge of selecting the, uh, [[Women's rights|women]] for these positions myself.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about Sonichu and s- the Sonichu media. I would like you to assist with developing... I want son- oi... oh yeah, I would want to be- yeah I already said that. I want Sonichu to be a huge- as huge as he deserves to be. It's about high time Sonichu got his own video games so that everyone... can live his adventures. I would like to oversee the development team that would create my vision of the Sonichu video game. I would personally test and [[Chris and English|concrete]]- critique the latest versions of the software until I am satisfied with the finished product. I would also like you to use your negotiations with [[Nintendo]] to have the cast of Sonichu, as well as myself, added to the existing Amiibo figure library. I would also need you to help me create serveral animated Sonichu products. The first and most important of which would be and American version cartoon series. And I would like it to be made, uh, by DHS, who makes the, uh, little show called [[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]], I'm sure you've probably heard of that. And I would personally voice the characters of Sonichu, as well as myself. I would like also to have t- Tara Strong and Monica Rial to voice female characters as well. The artstyle should be more serious in tone, though, similar to Sonic X. Or like similar anime of that, uh, type. [''humming''] Right. For the Japanese market I would like there to be a Sonichu anime as well. Similar to the production of, uh, the popular animes. Hmm. And there could be something for the [[Chris and sex|adult]] market as well. And I also would like a staff- side to s- design and market a bunch of simple Sonichu merchandise such as t-shirts, mugs, hats, lunch boxes, and other novelty items. My fans need the Sonichu product. And the gear. I would especially love to partner with a footware company to make the actual footware that Sonichu and Rosechu wear. And I look for- [''inaudible''] forward to the immediate prompt reply to my offer. [[Announcement 04/16/2016|Together, let's make Sonichu great again.]] Thank you very much. [''Chris takes a slight bow and walks off camera'']

== Notes ==
* The trash that is falling off of what appears to be a table to the right.
* Chris appears to be reading his script, which alone is surprising, off of a whiteboard.
* The items hanging from a wall, one of which appears to be an over-sized wrist-watch.
* Chris is recording in his usual "controller in hand" style.
* Chris looks surprisingly formal in this video.

Proposition to Sega

2016-05-15T23:27:35Z

Mr3urious: /* Requests */

{{quote|As well as the world... yeah.. the world and all that.|Chris, trying to convince Sega to give a shit.}}

'''Proposition to Sega''' is a video [[Chris|Chris]] made on the 14th of [[May_2016|May, 2016]]. The video itself is of Chris, offering [[Sega|Sega]] to hold a small amount of control over his creation, [[Sonichu_(comic)|Sonichu]]. In the introduction of the video, Chris claims that "if you want what he's got", you have to go through him. After this, Chris lays down the details of his offer of the [[Sonichu_(character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] brand, and also states that profits would be shared halfway through both parties. However, Chris states that all creative control of Sonichu would still be in His hands, and that Sega would only be able to expand upon it. Chris also states he will need some "employee benefits", assistance with the creative side of his [[Relics_of_Fail|projects]], and that his salary at Sega as the senior manager of the Sonichu product would be [[Chris_and_Money|$100,000]] a year. But, out of an oddly specific request, Chris wants a corner office in whatever building Chris thinks Sega will stick him into, even if Sega considered it, or even noticed the request at all, as he put this application on [[YouTube|YouTube]], and didn't (As we know of) contact Sega through any means. Chris also states that he would still work at [[14_Branchland_Court|home]], rendering the corner office [[CADD|useless]].

== Requests ==

Chris claims that he would need to work from home due to his "hectic lifestyle", and that he would also need benefits like a 401K, which can be debated if Chris knows what that is, health insurance, and also maternity leave, which will never happen anyways. A secretary would also be needed to handle administrative duties, and an assistant to do Chris's [[Chris_and_his_Ego|responsibilities]], like getting dinner, and taking care of his [[Barb|mother]], and also, they need to be female, presumably to get [[china]]. Chris also requests a cartoon to be made for multiple markets, by the studio that he believes makes My Little Pony, "DHS" (he obviously means [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DHX_Media DHX Media]). Also, Chris states that an "adult cartoon" could be made, as well as an anime, and a traditional style cartoon.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Proposition to Sega
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rjFwRnzySGY}}
| stardate =14 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}} {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Striped shirt with blue sweater vest
| previous = [[Donation Request‎‎]]
| next =
}}
== Description ==
{{Quotebox|**This video is addressed directly to SEGA of America and SEGA of Japan; Responses will only be accepted from the Officials of SEGA. Such people can personally, and directly reply to me, Miss Christine Weston Chandler, of Ruckersville, VA, USA, at my email address of ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, and the Best, Most Direct Option is via US Mail to my home address,

Christine Weston Chandler
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545

Thank You.
}}
Note that Chris is assuming Sega will watch this video.
== Transcript ==
*'''Chris''' *Audio cut out* [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], so let's skip the introductions and get right down to business. You want what I got? Well you gotta go through m-me, and me alone, Christine Weston Chandler, Ruckersville, VA, in order to get. And lucky for you, I am such- I am open to such, an offer of partnership. I would offer you license to my original creation, Sonichu and Rosechu and the city of CWCville, as well as the world- yeah. The world and all that. Partnership would, uh, come with certain pre arran- [''there is a slight video error here''] -siouly. I would remain in c- creative control of Sonichu, and all associated media. I will be the sole owner of Sonichu, Sega...'s role here will be to expand the Sonichu brand name, as well as Rosechu, and a- help produce the various media includi- including video games, cartoons. These profits will be shared fifty percent, between the two parties. However I would also need an annual salary, and some co- and some common employment benefits. My salary for being in the senior branch is b- for being in the senior management position of the Sonichu product, at Sega, would be [[Chris and Money|one hundred thousand dollars]] a year. I would require a senior title, and a preferably corner office, even though I would be working at home. I would also need employees underneath t- underneath to assist with the administrative and creative sides of my Sonichu product. Project. But we will get to those later.

Due to my hectic lifestyle, I would need the ability to work from home, and when I choose. Also, basic benefits like 401k, health insurance, and [[Chris and Reality|maternity leave]]. Now, let's get down to my immediate staff. Due to the normal stresses of everyth- every day life and then some, and since Sonichu is not my only responsibility in my life, I require a secretary to handle administrative duties, benea- beneath my, uh, pay grade. And a personal assistant who would assist me with my daily- tasks which would typically include the following. Running errands, pickin' up, uh, lunch, breakfast, dinner, mm, pet sitting my dogs when I'm on business travel... getting mai- giving maintenance, on the uh, cars and whatever else required therein. Help on taking care of my [[Barb|aging mother]], as well as complete, in store pickup of items that I will purchase. I will want to be in charge of selecting the, uh, [[Women's rights|women]] for these positions myself.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about Sonichu and s- the Sonichu media. I would like you to assist with developing... I want son- oi... oh yeah, I would want to be- yeah I already said that. I want Sonichu to be a huge- as huge as he deserves to be. It's about high time Sonichu got his own video games so that everyone... can live his adventures. I would like to oversee the development team that would create my vision of the Sonichu video game. I would personally test and [[Chris and English|concrete]]- critique the latest versions of the software until I am satisfied with the finished product. I would also like you to use your negotiations with [[Nintendo]] to have the cast of Sonichu, as well as myself, added to the existing Amiibo figure library. I would also need you to help me create serveral animated Sonichu products. The first and most important of which would be and American version cartoon series. And I would like it to be made, uh, by DHS, who makes the, uh, little show called [[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]], I'm sure you've probably heard of that. And I would personally voice the characters of Sonichu, as well as myself. I would like also to have t- Tara Strong and Monica Rial to voice female characters as well. The artstyle should be more serious in tone, though, similar to Sonic X. Or like similar anime of that, uh, type. [''humming''] Right. For the Japanese market I would like there to be a Sonichu anime as well. Similar to the production of, uh, the popular animes. Hmm. And there could be something for the [[Chris and sex|adult]] market as well. And I also would like a staff- side to s- design and market a bunch of simple Sonichu merchandise such as t-shirts, mugs, hats, lunch boxes, and other novelty items. My fans need the Sonichu product. And the gear. I would especially love to partner with a footware company to make the actual footware that Sonichu and Rosechu wear. And I look for- [''inaudible''] forward to the immediate prompt reply to my offer. [[Announcement 04/16/2016|Together, let's make Sonichu great again.]] Thank you very much. [''Chris takes a slight bow and walks off camera'']

== Notes ==
* The trash that is falling off of what appears to be a table to the right.
* Chris appears to be reading his script, which alone is surprising, off of a whiteboard.
* The items hanging from a wall, one of which appears to be an over-sized wrist-watch.
* Chris is recording in his usual "controller in hand" style.
* Chris looks surprisingly formal in this video.

Chris's Specimen Sample

2016-03-31T04:01:31Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}

'''[[Chris]]'s [[Semen|Specimen]] Sample''', titled "horrible" by the uploader, is a video that was leaked on [[February 2016|February 27, 2016]] to the Kiwi Farms by Marvin. In this video, we see Chris walk up stairs to his [[kitchen]], which is notably more cleaner than usual, and pull out his [[Semen|"specimen"]] in a tupperware box from a freezer. What Chris doesn't realize is that by throwing samples of [[navy]] into a standard freezer, the ice crystals created ruin any cells in the samples, thus making them useless.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = horrible
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ULDGgv35otw}}
| stardate = 26 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt =
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Update: 2/25/16]]
| next = [[Jeff is Beyond Denounced.]]
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
''Chris is sitting on his bed.''

'''Chris''' : Hello [smark and Ellie?] this is- I'm Christine Chandler.

''[[Pollo]] comes to investigate, and wanders in front of the camera.''

'''Chris''' : ''(in babyish voice)'' This is my cat, Pollo. Hi, buddy. Hmmm, you're a sweet kitty.

'''Chris''' : Anyway so, this is me and uh I'm the one who's uh ([[Speech Impediment|gonferna litmus?]]) sperm out put a- put a fresh sample earlier today I put it in the fridge upstairs which I'll gladly go upstairs and show you in a moment.

'''Chris''' : I guess I am a lesbian [[Transformers|transform man]] [transwoman?] and I have I been famous write characters and books and whatnot for over a decade.

'''Chris''' : This is everything says true and I think I regret [would be things?] I've recorded in the past blackmailed into doing or against my original will that would never do personally or regularly.

'''Chris''' : Let's go upstairs and I'll show y'all.

''[Chris gets off his enormous ass and walks up the stairs, camera pointed at his [[manboobs]] most of the way.]''

''[Chris opens the freezer and pulls out a Tupperware container with a white, frozen mass sitting at the bottom.]''

'''Chris''' : Yeah- here's- uh, the sample I put down today, labeled it carefully. You can tell it's not as frozen yet compared to the older samples.

'''Chris''' : Yeah, that was like less than a year ago.

''(Chris faces camera, smug expression on his [[Tomgirl|not-remotely-feminine]] face)''

'''Chris''' : Yeah well that's all very well and good and everything so hopefully y'all will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|all consider me for your donor]].

'''Chris''' : Thank you and have a good day.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]

Chris's Specimen Sample

2016-03-31T03:59:21Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}

'''[[Chris]]'s [[Semen|Specimen]] Sample''', titled "horrible" by the uploader, is a video that was leaked on [[February 2016|February 27, 2016]] to the Kiwi Farms by Marvin. In this video, we see Chris walk up stairs to his [[kitchen]], which is notably more cleaner than usual, and pull out his [[Semen|"specimen"]] in a tupperware box from a freezer. What Chris doesn't realize is that by throwing samples of [[navy]] into a standard freezer, the ice crystals created ruin any cells in the samples, thus making them useless.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = horrible
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ULDGgv35otw}}
| stardate = 26 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt =
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Update: 2/25/16]]
| next = [[Jeff is Beyond Denounced.]]
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
''Chris is sitting on his bed.''

'''Chris''' : Hello [smark and Ellie?] this is- I'm Christine Chandler.

''[[Pollo]] comes to investigate, and wanders in front of the camera.''

'''Chris''' : This is my cat, Pollo. Hey buddy. You're a sweet kitty.

'''Chris''' : Anyway so, this is me and uh I'm the one who's uh ([[Speech Impediment|gonferna litmus?]]) sperm out put a- put a fresh sample earlier today I put it in the fridge upstairs which I'll gladly go upstairs and show you in a moment.

'''Chris''' : I guess I am a lesbian [[Transformers|transform man]] [transwoman?] and I have I been famous write characters and books and whatnot for over a decade.

'''Chris''' : This is everything says true and I think I regret [would be things?] I've recorded in the past blackmailed into doing or against my original will that would never do personally or regularly.

'''Chris''' : Let's go upstairs and I'll show y'all.

''[Chris gets off his enormous ass and walks up the stairs, camera pointed at his [[manboobs]] most of the way.]''

''[Chris opens the freezer and pulls out a Tupperware container with a white, frozen mass sitting at the bottom.]''

'''Chris''' : Yeah- here's- uh, the sample I put down today, labeled it carefully. You can tell it's not as frozen yet compared to the older samples.

'''Chris''' : Yeah, that was like less than a year ago.

''(Chris faces camera, smug expression on his [[Tomgirl|not-remotely-feminine]] face)''

'''Chris''' : Yeah well that's all very well and good and everything so hopefully y'all will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|all consider me for your donor]].

'''Chris''' : Thank you and have a good day.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]

Tour of Chris's House II

2016-03-23T18:46:49Z

Mr3urious:

In this video, leaked by [[Alec Benson Leary]] on 11 December [[2013]], [[Chris]] provides a '''second tour of [[14 Branchland Court|his house]]''' and the property that it's on, showing how it has deteriorated even further since [[Tour of Chris's House|the first house tour video]] in [[March 2009]].

The exact date in which the video was filmed has not been established with certainty. Chris's narration seems to imply that the video was shot after Bob's death, suggesting a date after 6 [[September 2011]]. The video may have been shot during early May 2013. This video gives our last view of the house before it [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned down]] on 10 [[January 2014]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tour of Chris's House II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DrTBH_VYVD0}}
| stardate = 11 December [[2013]]
| subject = [[14 Branchland Court]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Not visible
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]
| next = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Sounds of clutter can be heard as Chris steps over a pile of trash.''] Mmph... Mmph. What you just seen was the living room, pretty much where [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]] and I are in, [''[[Stress sigh|sighs]]''] then what's been... what's blocked off the other side of the... actually that... actually that was the family room in it's entirety, both halves. But, the other half, the second half was blocked.

And then the bathroom down here and [''Struggles over the garbage blocking the passage''], pretty much the, that's pretty much the utility room, laundry, and back door, which that too is blocked. So freakin' cluttered in here, in this house. [''Grunts repeatedly'']

[[Bob Chandler|Mr. C]], my father, [[Obesity|had to have narrow passageways, but they were not this narrow]]. Anyway uh, steps going to up the front door right there, and then more steps going up... [[Chris and health|''Pants heavily'']] [[Chris's kitchen|Kitchen]] very much blocked off all over... with the ''[[Wikipedia:Resident Evil|Resident Evil]]'' refrigerator right there. I use the term ''Resident Evil'' because in Japan, ''Resident Evil'' video game is called ''Biohazard''. [''Some dinging sounds are heard''] And the one I cleaned recently.

That's as much of the living room as you can see above... To, above this lot, which essentially consists of two couches, hardly been used. [''Sighs''] [''"Come On Eileen" by [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexys_Midnight_Runners Dexys Midnight Runners] plays briefly on the radio during this line.'']

Bu- way through this narrow hallway, upstairs bathroom with bathtub and shower, pretty much [[April 16 Fetish Vids|hasn't changed]] since the [[Speech impediment|udder--]] since the trolls first saw it. [''Sighs'']

And this is [[Chris's room|my room]], obviously. Lot more cleaner than it is now, lot more clearer than the rest of the house, actually right now. Couch under that pile. Um, I'll make the bed shortly after. Anyway that's pretty much the inside of the house.

I guess I gotta show... I guess I gotta better show you the outside as well. [''Bends down to pick up what appears to be a plastic lighter.''] Me-- [''Sighs as he knocks something else to the floor.'']

[[The Simpsons|D'oh]]. [''Sighs again''] Droppin' everything. It's so crowded in here! [''Sighs''] Hoarding mom and dad and... everything... [''Sighs''] Cluttered, freaking cluttered.

[''Chris descends the stairs and opens the front door.'']

Hey [[Chandler cats#Scamper|Scamper]]! Yep, and we just exit the front of the house to the front yard. And there's accessible portion of the [[Wikipedia:Daylily|daylily]] garden. [''A neighbor kid yells something unintelligible.'']

That's essentially the front of the house. Yeah, that's... Yeah, I think the front yard is more cluttered than the back yard. Eh, there's garden shed. Pretty much not used n-nowadays.

My father liked to spend time in there. Yeah, trees cluttering up par-... cluttering up the gardens. And, driveway... more daylily garden patch. There goes...

And, you saw [[Clover and Snoopy|the pen]] in the back yard earlier. Mmkay, so that's pretty much, that's the- well, actually there's one room I missed. One room I missed.

[''Chris re-enters the house and descends the stairs, approaching a wall of clutter. He places the camera in a small hole in the wall, revealing an entire room behind it.'']

And behind this... door frame is... music room. Cluttered in there too. So yeah, I'm not too proud of the state of the house. Okay? So that's pretty much everything right now.

==See also==
*[[Tour of Chris's House]]
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]
==References==
<references/>
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]|nextlink=[[Hello, my sweety baby]]|}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris's house]]

Chris's Specimen Sample

2016-03-14T19:59:20Z

Mr3urious:

{{Honest}}

'''[[Chris]]'s [[Semen|Specimen]] Sample''', titled "horrible" by the uploader, is a video that was leaked on [[February 2016|February 27, 2016]] to the Kiwi Farms by Marvin. In this video, we see Chris walk up stairs to his [[kitchen]], which is notably more cleaner than usual, and pull out his [[Semen|"specimen"]] in a tupperware box from a freezer. What Chris doesn't realize is that by throwing samples of [[navy]] into a standard freezer, the ice crystals created ruin any cells in the samples, thus making them useless.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = horrible
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ULDGgv35otw}}
| stardate = 26 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt =
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Update: 2/25/16]]
| next = [[Jeff is Beyond Denounced.]]
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
''Chris is sitting on his bed.''

'''Chris''' : Hello [smark and Ellie?] this is- I'm Christine Chandler.

''[[Pollo]] comes to investigate, and wanders in front of the camera.''

'''Chris''' : [indecipherable baby-speak to the cat]

'''Chris''' : Anyway so, this is me and uh I'm the one who's uh ([[Speech Impediment|gonferna litmus?]]) sperm out put a- put a fresh sample earlier today I put it in the fridge upstairs which I'll gladly go upstairs and show you in a moment.

'''Chris''' : I guess I am a lesbian [[Transformers|transform man]] [transwoman?] and I have I been famous write characters and books and whatnot for over a decade.

'''Chris''' : This is everything says true and I think I regret [would be things?] I've recorded in the past blackmailed into doing or against my original will that would never do personally or regularly.

'''Chris''' : Let's go upstairs and I'll show y'all.

''[Chris gets off his enourmous ass and walks up the stairs, camera pointed at his [[manboobs]] most of the way.]''

''[Chris opens the freezer and pulls out a Tupperware container with a white, frozen mass sitting at the bottom.]''

'''Chris''' : Yeah- here's- uh, the sample I put down today, labeled it carefully. You can tell it's not as frozen yet compared to the older samples.

'''Chris''' : Yeah, that was like less than a year ago.

''(Chris faces camera, smug expression on his [[Tomgirl|not-remotely-feminine]] face)''

'''Chris''' : Yeah well that's all very well and good and everything so hopefully y'all will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|all consider me for your donor]].

'''Chris''' : Thank you and have a good day.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]

Kitchen

2016-03-13T21:21:19Z

Mr3urious:

[[File:Gibson.jpg|thumb|Only known photo, looking out the window.]]

This is [[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]. '''Chris's kitchen''', located on the second floor of [[14 Branchland Court]], is a disgusting cesspool full of rotten food, dirty dishes, boxes of old crap, and no doubt a few gallons of autistic [[navy]] from many a [[CWC Cums for a Cat|sex chat]]. [[Chris]] has said that there was no room to make any sort of food, except for meals that could be heated up in the oven or microwave.

Chris's [[Computers|computer]] was located here, and he shot a few videos in this place, including various videos of him [[mass debating]].

== Items in Chris's kitchen ==
The following items were present in Chris's kitchen:

* Chris.
* [[Christmas]] decorations (including a tree) that were left to stew year round and most likely had been there since the Chandlers moved in.
* Various pots and pans.
* Disposable fast food drink containers piled up on top of plates.
* A mountain of presumably unwashed dishes and cookware covering almost half the window. The giant mound spilled out past the window and well around the corner of the bench. No space to prepare food was visible.
* One perfectly cylindrical object emblazoned with a Mountain Dew label.
* Plastic bags, some apparently still containing matter.
* Two chairs or movable set of drawers, both covered in junk.
* A potted plant sat atop the cupboard. Due to its healthy, uniform bright green color despite living in a trash heap on a high shelf with no access to sunlight or water, [[trolls|top men]] are certain it was fake.
* Paper plates still smeared with some kind of off-yellow food were clearly visible sitting near the two fast-food drink containers atop a mountain of rubbish. Could be an overflowing bin.
* A purple box of tissues right beside/behind the microwave in the far left corner.
* Various knick-knacks on a small shelf obscure another part of the window; coupled with Mount Trash-heap, this almost completely obscured the window.
*Enough junk to completely block off the door.
*A ''Resident Evil'' (biohazard) fridge, where mold and yeast devoured everything that the Chandlers haven't.

== List of videos filmed here ==
Presumably, almost all of Chris's IRC chats and webcam/VOIP conversations took place in the kitchen, save for a few that employed only his [[PS3]]. He has also ventured out of his room to record several videos in front of the computer in the kitchen.

*25 September 2008: the [[Chris Sex Videos]]. Chris performs various bizarre dances, strips and jerks off in front of a webcam for [[PandaHalo]].
*3 November 2009: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. While the bulk of this video takes place in a [[LittleBigPlanet]] level, Chris recorded a brief preface in his kitchen.
*24 December 2009: the [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]]. Chris expresses his sympathies for the ailing Columbine killers.
*31 December 2009: the [[Address to my Cwcipedia SysOp]]. Chris complains about the ads on his [[CWCipedia]] and wallows in the delusion that he has any control over the site.
*31 May 2010: [[100 2189]]. Chris announces his abandonment of the CWCipedia while insisting that he still owns the rights to Sonichu.
*15 October 2010: [[100 2281]]. Chris sips from a bottle of liqueur and gibbers at [[Jackie]]'s boyfriend Lars in wigger dialect.
*18 October 2010: [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]. Chris stuffs his [[plush breasts]] under his shirt and discusses the dangers of breast cancer.
*Late 2013: [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. Chris refers to the fridge as a "biohazard", and shows us that the kitchen is now completely blocked off by [[Barb]]'s hoarded clutter. This implies that they are now entirely dependent on takeouts and/or microwaved meals for nutrition.
*26 February 2016: [[Chris's Specimen Sample]]. First one taken after renovations, Chris shows off some semen samples that he had stored in the freezer.

{{places}}

[[Category:Chris's house]]

Update 1/29/2016 - There is NO PewDiePie or Felix here whatsoever

2016-01-30T17:23:09Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcript */

'''Update 1/29/2016 - There is NO PewDiePie or Felix here whatsoever''' is a video in which Chris clarifies that he is not PewDiePie/Felix so that [[Ween|weens]] stop sending emails to him as if they were meant to be sent to PewDiePie (spoiler alert: this ain't going to work).

Once again, Chris shows that he is [[slow in the minds|oblivious]] to many forms of [[trolls|trolling]], mislabeling being the case here. This video also implies that Chris was not previously aware of PewDiePie, potentially showing that Chris is not very educated on [[Chris and the Internet|Internet culture]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris demonstrates his complete and utter inability to wrestle with Swedish orthography as he tries (and fails) to pronounce Felix's surname phonetically. (It's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lG3xeSU_EA&t=22s actually] pronounced "SHELL-berg".) While this is expected due to Chris's [[Chris and English|usual difficulty with language]], Chris impressively comes up with no less than ''three'' different pronunciations of "Kjellberg" in the span of three minutes: "Kuh-zhellberg", "Kilj-berg", and "Kill-berg".

== Description ==
{{quotebox|This is Felix; he resides in the U.K.; NOT in Ruckersville, VA, United States of America.

[[wikipedia:PewDiePie|https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/PewDiePie]]

Please, Do Not Send any mail addressed to him to My home address.

via YouTube Capture}}
== Video ==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 1/29/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vPKWtPwnP4I}}
| stardate = 29 [[January 2016]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = blue turtleneck
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 1/25/2016]]
}}

</center>

== Transcript ==
''[Elevator music playing in background]''

Hello everybody on the internet today. Nuh- Once again, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from... my own desk. ''[touches Sonichu [[Amiibo]]]'' My own figures and everything. Brought to you courteously from my own shop. ''[puts hand on binder with shop name]'' [[Etsy|Cwcville Shopping]]! ''[taps image on binder]'' Online and I have my own binder catalog as well, yadda yadda. Anyway, do shopping, whatever, all that good stuff.

I am making this video as of- uh- matter of- of- has come to my attention for a while now, but it's of minor importance, but it's not um, tired of it, so I'm bringing it up. I want to bring up the uh, matter of one, uh, "Felix... Arvid... Ulf... Kjellberg" also known on the internet as "Pew... Die... Pie." I keep gettin- I'm- every now and then I keep getting mail that goes out to this guy. And, I have his Wikipedia [unintelligible] here which I'll post the link to this below this video [unintelligible]. ''[holds phone to camera with PewDiePie's Wikipedia image on the screen]'' Seriously. Does this guy look anything like me? No! This is not me whatsoever! And I do not know this person at all! ''[pulls phone away]'' Lord- Lords know- Lord knows where he is but okay, yeah, he's reside- he's residing currently in the UK. And he was born in Sweden. Not Ruckersville, Virginia. This is not me. I am not this Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg or PewDiePie. You have the wrong address. Stop sending mail to this guy at my address. Okay? Cause it's annoying. I don't even know where this guy- and I do not know where this guy lives whatsoever. And I thought, for a long time, I thought it was prank mail. But I look him up on the internet today, and I find his Wikipedia article. So once again, ''[one of [[Clover and Snoopy|the dogs]] barks in background, Chris shows image on phone again and points at it]'' NOT this guy. ''[elbow hits binder and it falls over]'' Not Felix. ''[picks up binder and fixes it]'' He does not live here whatsoever. There is no Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg or PewDiePie here at 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, whatsoever. Okay? ''[pulls phone away]''

And, uh, let's see. I have more- I have uh, more money coming in and I'll be shipping everything out uh, after the weekend's over. I have some more things- I have some more medallions and whatever to make over the weekend. I'll get everything shipped out on about Monday. Thank you, and have a good, blessed day.
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Update 01/12/2016

2016-01-16T16:41:32Z

Mr3urious: /* Transcription */

'''Update 01/12/2016''' was, of course, created on 12 January 2016. In this video, Chris pouts enviously because someone else is holding a lesbian sleepover party, and [[Hypocrisy|ironically]] gets upset that someone is [[Copyright|ripping off]] [[Brand loyalty|his merchandise]], claiming infringement left and right. His foe, the person both allegedly holding the sleepover and selling merchandise, is the "Francine" character he [[Doxing Jeff/Francine|doxxed in November]]. Now, as then, he refers to Francine as "he-she" or simply "he" and by her male name, showing exactly how deep his professed new attitudes on LGBT affairs run.

Chris took the video down before long for unknown reasons.

== Description ==
{{quotebox|I Do NOT endorse Ouzuo's Sleepover Party at all.}}

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 01/12/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EnbjREQxSwY}}
| stardate = 12 [[January 2016]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = "Do What Makes You Happy" lilac shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.]]
|next =
}}

== Transcription ==
''Chris's voice is unusually quiet, and his expression is warped. He's clearly upset.''

Hello everybody, good evening. ''*[[Stress sigh|sigh]]*'' I am in a bit of a mood right now, not to upset my current business inputs and whatnot, buuut...

''Chris inhales sharply''

I want to make a few thi- I want to make one thing perfectly clear, uh, with the, uh, individual... er, who is migrating between male to female Jeff/Francine Ouzuo's over in Seattle, Washington... hmm, has pra- has pretended to ''be'' me and er, made knockoff merchandise on my which and uh, he has... be- he has been requested to pay me in royalties and hasn't done so yet. Also uh...

''Chris breathes deeply.''

His infringement on the use of my [[Sonichu]] character is still being- is under [[English|quite]] debate, especially since because... I have not personally authorized or agreed to most anything yet, of him using my characters and likene- and likeness and whatnot. So therefore everything he is selling on his stores online...

'''No good.''' 'Specially by MY viewpoint. Aaaand... in his own strange mind, in his ide- he has the idea of quote/unquote I'm sharing the rights to Sonichu with him, TO-tally false. That is not the case at all.

And also, also upon which-AH, he is infringing on my Sonichu rights as well, including-ah, as including as stated in this invitations to his upcoming par- ''*video cuts*'' up- his upcoming party, claiming of a quote/unquote new Sonichu amiibo figure, he's playing off an old- playing off the old standby fake, because it's only using the default "Sonic" pose, and y'all know the pose I put my- put the official Sonichu figures IN, and as they SHOULD be... He's totally infringing.

So, to recap... Jeff Ouzuo's... Francine Ouzuo's... needs to be taken down... still- st- He-she still needs to pay the royalties to me very much, aaand do not go to his/her party whatsoever.

That's about it... Thank you and have a good, safe day 'n' night.

Talk:Update 01/12/2016

2016-01-14T15:26:33Z

Mr3urious: /* Mirror? */

== Mirror? ==

I hope you're able to upload a mirror of this vid soon, as Chris just shitcanned it.

[[User:Mr3urious|Mr3urious]] ([[User talk:Mr3urious|talk]]) 15:25, 14 January 2016 (UTC)

Talk:Update 01/12/2016

2016-01-14T15:26:19Z

Mr3urious: Created page with "== Mirror? == I hope you're able to upload a mirror of this vid, as Chris just shitcanned it. ~~~~"

== Mirror? ==

I hope you're able to upload a mirror of this vid, as Chris just shitcanned it.

[[User:Mr3urious|Mr3urious]] ([[User talk:Mr3urious|talk]]) 15:25, 14 January 2016 (UTC)

Seasons Greetings

2015-12-14T03:24:04Z

Mr3urious:

'''Seasons Greetings''' is a video Chris uploaded on 13th December, 2015. Here, he wishes everybody a happy holiday then demands gifts and [[Monthly tugboat|money]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|Have a happy and safe holiday season.}}

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Seasons Greetings
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mGrm0tvAC3Y}}
| stardate = 13 [[December 2015]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| subject = Christmas
| shirt = "Mighty Lesbian" t-shirt
| previous = [[GameStop is UNFAIR to Everyone; Not Just Me!]]
| next =
}}

== Transcription ==

Hello, everybody! It's Christine Chandler comin' to ya live from home again!

Here's my [[Chandler Cats|cat]], Lucy! [''high-pitched''] Lucy is a pretty cat. Apparently Pollo is an outside cat, so he's out by the gazebo right now.

It's, uh, good temperature right now outside. About, er, in the 60s. Anyway, um, I'm just making this video today to wish y'all a happy holiday, and, er, as under advisement, I'm... telling--I'm making a suggestion to what y'all can, uh, do for me for gifts.

Mm.

I'll look into it--I'll make a short wish list on Amazon.com, but I'll also accept, uh, gift cards to... well let's say for Walmart, Target, Food Lion... Toys R Us would be okay. Um, um, Family Dollar, Petsmart, whatever. Anyway we're okay.

But, um, cash would be greatly appreciated, I'll remind everybody the donation listing on my shop on Etsy, I'll put a link under this video, so hopefully, uh, I'll get a big donation this time 'round because, I sure could, among which, use that money to help pay the bills round here, plus, also... [''Chris's eyebrows perk up in a look of honesty''] yeah, I do have a court cost to pay after the incident... near the end of last year but that's a whole different story anyway.

And, uh, speaking of which on that, uh, we're still doing the embargo and protest on GameStop, d--but we'll just forget about--d--jus...we'll continue the embargo and, uh, think more on, upon the pleasant thoughts like the holidays and everything.

So, uh, anyways, once again, I want to wish everybody a happy-safe holiday, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa.....be safe.

Especially when y'all--if y'all are traveling to go-hae-ta go be with your family... or maybe even to adopt a new pet from the animal shelters. Yeeeea. [''In a higher pitched voice''] I wonder how many children are getting new kitties and puppies and fishes this year? Hmm? Yeah, I bet they'll be happy. Yeeeea.

Love my wittle Lucy. [''Chris mumbles incoherently''] Oh, wanna get down? I'll let you go. [''Cat crawls off Chris' lap'']

[''Normal voice''] Have a good, safe day. Thank you.

(Chris' selfie remote refuses to work)

(Chris sighs in frustration)

Darn button.