CWCki - User contributions [en]

User talk:Mrmariomaster

2023-10-20T09:22:19Z

Mrmariomaster: Created blank page

User:Mrmariomaster

2023-10-20T09:22:02Z

Mrmariomaster: Created blank page

Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021

2023-10-17T19:22:00Z

Mrmariomaster:

'''Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021''' is a video uploaded to Chris's YouTube channel on 17 [[October 2023]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yDR6e83zrWg}}
| stardate = 17 [[October 2023]]
| subject =
| Saga = {{Dimensional Merge|text}}, {{Praetor|text}}
| style =
| shirt =
| other =
| previous = [[Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned]]
| next =
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|I'm just clearing the air and setting the record straight on what happened in mid-2021; nothing happened between me and Barbara in 2021. I also feel very tired of too many of all of you not comprehending that I was and am innocent; I was released because I was found and proven innocent, despite it taking so long. I know my reputation had been dragged through the worst of mud, muck and various fluids by the misconceptions and mislabels from the darkest and toxic sinners online. That minority level detail is absolutely no reason for Anyone to get involved with me in social situations, online on social media, and so on. I would never dox anyone I follow who are innocent.

Do not even let the socio-political details and happenings dictate or influence what is Light Powered, Righteous and simply Good. I will not have my life be narrated by the misconceptions that have arisen from the Toxic and Darkest Sinning society, and neither should you. None of your damn smut-fics and gore-fics will affect I or anyone else anymore.

I am a wonderful and positively vibrational individual and Avatar of existence. I have been through a lot in my own soul-searching and priority setting. You all can at least relate with me on That and follow my example in improving yourselves, spiritually, mentally and physically as respective individuals. And I Pray those few that I appreciate as good and sound individuals who had and have blocked me on social medias will understand and accept me better now that I have taken the time to get myself together and clear my mind and found myself in my resurrection and return.

Ultimate Miracle...Chaos Control.

Visit the Etsy Store for often updated items we have for sale as well.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/OfficialCWC...

Thank you and Bless you all; be safe and well.
Mrs. Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu Prime.}}

==Transcript==

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2023]]

Template:Da update

2023-10-17T19:19:13Z

Mrmariomaster: added new video

<center>[[Image:CWCki News.png|320px]] <div style="text-align:center">It is currently [[{{#time:F Y}}]]. It has been...
{| style="margin:0 auto 8px; max-width:25rem;"
|- style="vertical-align:top"
|[[Post-jail_sightings_(2023)#CVS|

<div style="font-size:2em">{{counter|big=yes|2023-10-03 19:09:00}}</div>]] ''days since Chris was last spotted.''

<div style="font-size:0.88em">
|[[Twitter#Post-jail activity|

<div style="font-size:2em">{{counter|big=yes|2023-10-16 16:44:00}}</div>]] ''days since Chris posted on social media''
|}

We highly advise ''against'' seeking out Chris in any way.</center>
-----
<center>'''Current Updates'''</center>
*'''17 October'''
**'''[[Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021]]''' is uploaded to Chris's YouTube channel.
*'''16 October'''
**'''[[Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned]]''' is uploaded to Chris's YouTube channel.
** [[Praetor]]'s Etsy store [[OfficialCWCmart]] has become active again, uploading various art commissions from 2021 along with '''[[OfficialCWCmart#Post_Jail_Medallions|new photos of Chris]]'''.
**Chris's Twitter account makes a post '''[[October 2023 social media posts#Second Coming|referencing the "second coming"]]'''.
*'''15 October''' - Chris is '''[[Discord#Names and avatars|spotted on Discord]]''' with a new username change.
*'''11 October''' - Chris unprivates his [[Facebook]] account '''[[YouTube#CwcvilleGuardian (February 2012 – July 2021; September 2023 – Present)|CwcvilleGuardian]]'''.
*'''3 October''' - Chris is '''[[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Game Junkies|sighted at Game Junkies]]''' in Roanoke VA
*'''1 October''' - Chris is '''[[Post-jail sightings (2023)#River Ridge Mall|sighted at River Ridge Mall]]''' in Lynchburg VA, accompanied by the woman seen with him throughout September.
*'''30 September''' - The [[ween]]-uploaded video of [[A-Log]] screaming ''[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAYY]]'' is '''[[YouTube#CwcvilleGuardian (February 2012 – July 2021; September 2023 – Present)|"removed by the uploader"]]''' off Chris's [[YouTube]] channel, CwcvilleGuardian.
*'''28 September''' - Chris '''[[Twitter#Post-jail activity|likes a retweet]]''' of a trailer for an audio series titled ''[[Homos|"Gay Old Life"]]''.

-----
<center>'''Recently Uncovered Info'''</center>
*'''24 September''' - [[The Place chats (January 2021)#Depression Over Reality|Depression Over Reality]] from [[January 2021]]
*'''8 September''' - [[The Place chats - Jacob Sockness#Argument over Sockness, Iron Curtain clue|Argument over Sockness, Iron Curtain clue]] from [[October 2019]]
*'''4 September''' - [[The Place chats (May 2021)#Chris and Relationships|Chris and Relationships]] from [[May 2021]]
*'''7 August''' - [[Bella chats#Playing Games|Playing games with Bella]] from [[2020]]
*'''6 August''' - [[The Place chats (August 2020)#Complaining about Dillin, encouraging Kyle to role-play|Complaining about Dillin, encouraging Kyle to role-play]] from [[August 2020]].


<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is two lists of recent Chris-related activity, one for current updates, and another for newly added information. To prevent the lists becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added; '''no more than seven entries''' should appear in each of the lists at any time.

To add new updates to the list, simply edit this template, and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Please also link to a source, and set it in '''boldface''', so viewers can know where to read further. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]]. Try to phrase things differently instead of always beginning entries with ''Chris does X''; it can get monotonous. Document the next milestone in Chris's legal proceedings (or when he is to be released from prison, should it come to this) in place of an Ongoing event.}}[[Category:Front page templates]] </noinclude>

Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021

2023-10-17T19:18:20Z

Mrmariomaster: Created page for new video

Template:Da update

2023-05-26T14:33:45Z

Mrmariomaster: added new visit to 14BLC

<center>[[Image:CWCki News.png|320px]] It is currently [[{{#time:F Y}}]].</center>
-----
<center>'''Current Updates'''</center>
*'''25 May''' - 14 Branchland Court is visited by an anonymous fan and [[Fan_visits#Anonymous Facebook Member|posted to Facebook]].
*'''17 May''' - '''[[The Lainchu Manifesto#The Days of Prosper (September 2020 - December 2020)|Part 2]]''' of [[The Lainchu Manifesto]] is posted, covering events and chats from [[September 2020]] to [[December 2020]], including Anaxis's DMs with [[User:Anaxis/DMs With Chris#Discord Q&A 6|Chris]], [[User:Anaxis/DMs With Naught#Warning Naught Away From Snoo|Naught]], and [[User:Anaxis/DMs With Sean Walker|The WCT]], and chats in [[User:Anaxis/The Place Chats|The Place]].
*'''7 May''' - 14 Branchland Court is photographed, showing '''[[Fan_visits#DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS|Chris's junk and a well-kept lawn, and an alleged sighting of Barb]]'''.
*'''3 May''' - Chris is spotted for the third time at Chesterfield Towne Center, '''[[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Chesterfield Towne Center|and is photographed once more]]'''.
*'''2 May''' - Chris is spotted once again at Battlegrounds, a game store, '''[[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Battlegrounds|and is once again photographed]].'''
*'''1 May''' - Chris goes to Walmart. '''[[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Walmart|He is photographed and the sightings posted about online]].'''
-----
<center>'''Recently Uncovered Info'''</center>
*'''17 May''' - [[The Place chats (January 2020)#Roleplaying as Scarlet Selinia|Roleplaying as Scarlet Selinia]] from [[January 2020]]
*'''15 May''' - [[The Place chats (September 2020)#High heart rate|High heart rate]] from [[September 2020]]
*'''11 May''' - [[The Place chats - Jacob Sockness#Merge priority|Merge priority]] from [[October 2019]]
*'''9 May''' - [[The Place chats - Jacob Sockness#Defending Sockness, stress, and CALM supplements|Defending Sockness, stress, and CALM supplements]] from [[October 2019]]
*'''8 May''' - [[The Place chats (December 2020)#Sleep Schedule|Sleep Schedule]] from [[December 2020]]
*'''4 May''' - [[The Place chats (December 2019)#Dating Sim and transformations|Dating Sim and transformations]] from [[December 2019]]
*'''3 May''' - [[The Place chats (October 2019)#Maladaptive daydreaming|Maladaptive Daydreaming]] from [[October 2019]]


<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is two lists of recent Chris-related activity, one for current updates, and another for newly added information. To prevent the lists becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added; '''no more than seven entries''' should appear in each of the lists at any time.

To add new updates to the list, simply edit this template, and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Please also link to a source, and set it in '''boldface''', so viewers can know where to read further. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]]. Try to phrase things differently instead of always beginning entries with ''Chris does X''; it can get monotonous. Document the next milestone in Chris's legal proceedings (or when he is to be released from prison, should it come to this) in place of an Ongoing event.}}[[Category:Front page templates]] </noinclude>

Fan visits

2023-05-26T14:31:41Z

Mrmariomaster: added picture

{{Protip|If you're thinking about taking a trip to personally check on Barb after [[Affair with Mother|what's happened]], then don't. She has been through enough in the past year as it is, and she is probably better off being left alone.}}

In recent years, Chris and/or Barb have occasionally been '''visited by fans''' at their [[14 Branchland Court|house]].

==Joey Vance==
[[File:JvanceandChris.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris with Joey (far left) and his brother.]]

On 18 [[October 2019]], '''Joey Vance''' and his older brother visited [[Sonichu Headquarters]] to meet Chris. Their accounts were posted on Reddit in r/ChrisChanSonichu the next day.<ref>[https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/dk6ttx/look_who_i_met_the_other_day_im_in_the_back_lol/ Original Post] ([http://archive.li/ZznCn Archive])</ref>

The two brothers were initially visiting [[Charlottesville]] and since [[Ruckersville]] just happens to be in their way, Joey decided to make the most of their time together to personally visit Chris. The overall visit was described as a calm experience between the two parties, with the older brother (known by his Reddit handle xv5qx) even giving a [[Sonic]] toy as a "peace offering". One interesting note Joey mentioned is the fact that Chris smells of [[weed]]. Whether the musk is the result of his usual poor [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|hygiene]] or his new [[Teen Troon Squad|drug habit]] is still up for debate.

===Audio===
Joey also recorded conversations regarding [[Jacob Sockness]].
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Chat with Christine Weston Chandler/Chris Chan
| ytid = HGXar9jLaq0
| stardate = 19 [[October 2019]]
| maker = Joey Vance 2
| previous = [[ChrisReleasesAStatementRegardingJacobSockness‎‎]]
| next = [[Chris Chan Sonichu plays Twilight Sparkle’s Secret Shipfic Folder, Solitaire]]
| subject = {{Jacob|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[A [[Clover and Snoopy|dog]] is heard whining eerily throughout the video]

'''Chris''': [Faintly] Hello?

'''Joey's Brother''': Hey, are you Christian Chandler?

'''Chris''': Yes...

'''Joey's Brother''': We live in the area- sorry to bother you- we've been fans for a few years and stuff and...

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': though we'd kinda give some gifts

'''Chris''': Oh, thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': That's very nice.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Its nice to meet you dude.

'''Chris''': Yeah. It's nice to meet you both.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Anyway, how have you been?

'''Chris''': I've been doing alright.

'''Joey's Brother''': That's cool.

'''Chris''': Ahh been doing very well, you knowsshh having to cope with [[Jacob_Sockness#Abortive_Virginia_trip|the events-]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah, I- I heard about the- the situation with the guy, I'm sorry to hear about that.

'''Chris''': Well don't worry about that, it's all cool.

'''Joey's Brother''': We're all looking out for your best interests, and you definitely have our support so-

'''Chris''': Thank- [[Homos|I love your blue eyes.]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Oh, appreciate it. I you- [[Heterochromia|blue and green eyes]], they're really cool.

[Pause]

'''Joey's Brother''': That's awesome! Yeah. So, anyway, um is it cool if we get a selfie or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah-

==Aggravating Art==
[[File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto2.png|thumb|250px|Chris with Aggravating Art.]]
On 20 [[February 2021]], a Ruckersville local by the handle of '''Aggravating_Art_2982''', along with his older brother and his brother's girlfriend visited Chris and documented his experience on [[Reddit]]'s r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit.<ref>[https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/lojfvv/me_and_my_brother_met_chris_today_ask_away/ Original Post] ([https://archive.md/MFjjm Archive])</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto1.png|Chris getting uncomfortably close with Aggravating Art's brother's girlfriend while looking like a stoned {{w|Rick Moranis}}.
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto3.png|Aggravating Art on the gazebo.
</gallery></center>
===Video===
Aggravating Art also recorded a short video featuring Chris's wardrobe.
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS CHAN DRIP OUT
| ytid = tQsTwz_Y_Vc
| stardate = 20 [[February 2021]]
| subject =
| style =
| shirt = Patriotic Muumuu
| saga =
| other =
| maker =
| previous = [[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]
| next = [[Chris Kisses Rosechu]]
}}

===Transcript===

[Laughing and dogs whining in the background]

Swag, dripped out baby! (higher pitch) Dripped out!

==Anon on /pol/==
On 28 [[June 2021]], an anonymous user on [[4chan]]'s /pol/ board visited 14 Branchlord Court to take pictures of the house and [[Son-chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|the Dodge Caravan]]. The user played the flute near [[Patti]]'s old doghouse and apparently saw Chris peeking through a window in the house.

<center><gallery>
File:June2021Visit1.jpg|
File:June2021Visit2.jpg|
File:June2021VisitThread.png|A screencap of the original 4chan thread.
</gallery></center>

==hoov2002==
On 27 [[July 2021]], Reddit user hoov2002 visited Chris at 14 Branchland Court, and took two photos with him. Of note is how both of these images feature Chris wearing [[negligee]], which he claimed he had been wearing during some instances of his [[Affair with Mother|affair with his mother]].<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref> This visit was not publicly posted about until [[March 2022]], likely due to the fact that Chris' incest came to light just a day later.

<center><gallery>
File:CWCWithFanJun27.png
File:CWCWithFanJun27 2.png
</gallery></center>

==Phillip Jeffries==
On 29 [[August 2021]], during the fallout of [[Affair with Mother|the incest incident]] and the [[Jail Saga#Arrest|August 2021 arrest]], a [[Kiwi Farms]] user called Phillip_Jeffries visited 14 Branchlord Court with a friend in order to see the condition of the aforementioned Dodge Caravan and [[Chandler cats|the cats]]. Phillip was able to confirm that the vehicle was back at the house, and that at least two cats, Baby and Sylvia, were still living at the residence. Most notably, it was also confirmed that Barbara had returned to the house and that the Caravan had been registered with replacement license plates.<<ref name="BarbBackIn14BC">[[Kiwi Farms posts (other users)#Status of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:August2021House1.jpg|
File:August2021House2.jpg|
File:August2021House3.jpg|
File:August2021House4.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Winfield Winfield==
{{See also|14 Branchland Court#September 2021}}
[[File:Cro-magnon_looking_ween.png|thumb]]
'''Dylan Winfield''', also known as '''Winfield Winfield''' is the self-published author of the first book in a planned horror novel series. Dylan seems to have found promoting his book by spamming Reddit and Twitter ineffective, so in June 2021 he hit upon the idea of sending a copy each to Chris and Barbara and asking for their reviews. Needless to say, the events of late July and early August would make that difficult, but Dylan continued to promote the idea of reaching out to Chris.

On 6 September 2021, Dylan traveled to Ruckersville, where he took a video at [[14 Branchland Court]] as well as numerous still images <ref>[https://imgur.com/a/j7ASWDl/ Trespassing Pic Collection]</ref> in an attempt to promote his book series by piggybacking off Chris's Internet infamy. In addition to committing the crime of trespassing, he can be heard making his agonizingly cringey commentary about the house and its surroundings throughout the video as well as mentioning his book, revealing his true purpose in making the trek to 14BC in the first place. The following day, he uploaded the video and messaged GiBi on twitter. This resulted in his exposure on the Kiwi Farms, and several people calling him out on his clout-chasing attempts, after which he deleted his video within an hour, suggesting he was following the thread. [[Autism|Why]], then, he didn't know better is a mystery.

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Outdoor House Tour (September 6th, 2021)
| ytid = VJQ6xPfdj8M
| stardate = 7 [[September 2021]]
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|

''[Video begins with a shot of Dylon's face.]''

'''Dylon''': Hi, everybody. Uh, my name is Winfield Winfield, I am the author of a horror novel, the start of a series, it's called "Cult of the Eclipse", so be sure to look for that online if you like ''Silent Hill'' kind of stuff, and you guys are not going to believe where I am. I am at...

''[Camera pans to show Son-Chu and the front of 14 Branchland Court.]''

'''Dylon''': ...Sonichu Headquarters! (chuckles) Oh man, I wanted to go ahead and see like what the house looked like, it was just a little road trip that I'm on.

''[Camera zooms in on Son-Chu.]''

'''Dylon''': I'm guessing that might be Barb's car here, uh, I wonder if those marks are from, uh, maybe [[28 October 2011|hitting Michael Snyder]], like who knows man. Okay...

''[Dylon walks to the side of the van, then looks inside the passenger-side window.]''

'''Dylon''': If, uh, you look really closely here...

''[Camera shifts to Dylon's face, then back.]''

'''Dylon''': ...you can see...there...is a bucket full of garbage, that's not shocking here...

''[He looks in the back of the van.]''

'''Dylon''': ...you got that going on in the back and whatever else. This unfortunately is not the Sonichu Car, I think everybody knows that it's stuck at that motel where [[Jail Saga#Arrest|Chris got arrested]] at, and the license plate's been stolen.

''[Camera zooms in on a "rejection" sticker from Virginia State Inspection on the front windshield.]''

'''Dylon''': Rejection...ooh, that doesn't look good. Okay...

''[Camera pans over the front of 14 BLC again.]''

'''Dylon''': Clearly nobody is here, so let's, uh, take a gander around here. Obviously, I can't go inside, but let's check out how it looks on the outside...we got a whole bunch of tall vegetation so far...

''[Camera looks at a tree in the front yard.]''

'''Dylon''': ...clearly hasn't cut the grass in a ''long'' time.

''[Camera pans to the road in front of the house.]''

'''Dylon''': Uh, trash cans are pretty empty, uh, I guess that means all the garbage is probably inside the house somewhere, but, uh, let's keep going. Go on a little outside tour...

''[Dylon starts walking around the house's right side.]''

'''Dylon''': You know, around the back is actually interesting, and I'll show you guys why in a minute.

''[Dylon enters the backyard, passing the bench and the house's back door.]''

'''Dylon''': Okay, got the bench, got a little trail leading to the back. Oh Jesus Christ, yeah, like right here, literally right here, you can actually like smell the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fucking BO]], like it, like right here, it smells like somebody hasn't showered in like three weeks, uh, I'm gonna put my short over my nose here.

''[Dylon looks up the stairs at the back walkway. A cat is sitting there.]''

'''Dylon''': There's a little [[Chandler cats|kitty]] up there, I don't know which cat that is or that's even the Chandler's cat for that matter.

''[Camera zooms in on the walkway.]''

'''Dylon''': Oh there's two cats! Poor babies, having to live with this family. (shifts camera to the vines growing on the side) Oh god, look at like the vegetation growing on the side right there, like that might be digging into the foundation. Man, I wonder how bad that is.

''[Dylon walks across the back yard.]''

'''Dylon''': Okay, uh......

''[Camera shifts to the shed) there's the shed]''

'''Dylon''': There's the shed, some cats ran off in there, probably scared it's one of the Chandlers, knowing this place.

''[Camera turns back to the house)]''

'''Dylon''': Yeah, more uh, tall vegetation on this side, probably eating away at the place, and if Chris-Chan gets sentenced, I mean, shit, it might get worse over the next 10 years, like who knows.

''[Camera turns to the gazebo]''

'''Dylon''': And over here, we got the little gazebo, Bob's little gazebo here.

''[Dylan approaches the gazebo]''

'''Dylon''': There's a little dog house here, probably where [[Patti Chandler|Patti]] is, poor girl. God, could you, could you imagine how nice of a place this could have been if the Chandlers just took care of it?

''[Camera turns back toward shed]''

'''Dylon''': Man, but then again, Chris Chan wouldn't be so famous now, would he? Okay, um...I'm gonna see if I can go around to the other side here and take a look...

''[Camera goes around the outside of the house again]''

'''Dylon''': Okay...and over here we got this little pathway here, it's all broken up as you can see. Okay...

''[Dylon finds Bob's old greenhouse.]''

'''Dylon''': That's...oh my god! What is that, is that supposed to be like the, the dream factory? Let me take a look...there are little steps here, gotta be careful.

''[Camera moves past a side entrance, looking inside.]''

'''Dylon''': Holy shit, the light's still on. Ugh, I do not want to see that electric bill.

''[Camera looks inside the greenhouse.]''

'''Dylon''': Thinking outside, what the f-, what...okay, uh, a ton of junk in here. It's probably more Chris Chan shit, I don't know if, um, you can get a decent view in here. Unfortunately, it's locked, we can't really get a better look, but hopefully, hopefully you guys can see okay. All righty...

''[Dylon walks around the greenhouse, showing the junk crammed in the windows.]''

'''Dylon''': Uh, let's see if there's anything else to look at here.

''[Dylon heads around the back of the greenhouse and finds what appears to be a jungle gym.]''

'''Dylon''': Whatever that's supposed to be, I don't know, man. Is that supposed to be like the dream factory, or is it, it's just a regular tree house or a regular little kid's club house or something. I don't know. Oh holy fuck, look at this. Look at this.

''[Camera pans over the extremely overgrown yard.]''

'''Dylon''': Jesus tap-dancing Christ, god look at the state of the yard, holy fucking dog shit, man. Man that is just wild. God, holy shit, look at this.

''[Zooms in on side of house.]''

'''Dylon''': It's like the plants are growing into the house, like check this out, I mean, it's not like going up the wall, it's actually trying to go like into the wall itself, like take a look here. Uh, Jesus Christ. Oh my god, taking over the gutters, too.

''[Dylan finds a pool of stagnant water]''

'''Dylon''': What is this supposed to be, is that like a pool? I can't really tell, it's just so, it's just so murky and filled with like rain and, er, and like dirt and earth and...fuck, man. God...man, that's a shame, it's a shame what happened to the Chandler place.

''[Camera pans over the back yard again, then moves toward the road]''

'''Dylon''': Oh my god, I feel like, like I genuinely feel like I'm walking through the woods right now. Jesus god almighty, god look at this fucking place. God, I almost tripped over a rock there.

''[Dylon notices a dry stone fountain]''

'''Dylon''': A little fountain, totally unattended, unkempt, not shocking at all. Okay, going back to my car here, so...

''[Camera turns around to Dylon's face]''

'''Dylon''': I hope you guys, uh, enjoyed that somewhat. It was uh, definitely worth driving here from Pennsylvania. All right, have a good one, guys.

''[Video ends]''

}}

==e1ectricthunder==
[[File:E1ectricthunder.jpg|thumb|160px|right|Party on, Garth!]] '''e1ectricthunder''' was a young woman who posted a very brief video of her and an unknown accomplice interacting with Barb. The two of them went to the Chandler home, claimed to be friends of Chris's looking to get in touch with them, and were met only by a very confused-sounding Barb. Their visit was not well-received, especially on the Kiwi Farms, where this was viewed as the harassment of an elderly woman, who was a subject of sexual abuse from her own son, for Internet clout, which lead to her doxing.

On 20 [[September 2021]], she and an unknown male visited 14 Branchland Court, knocked on the door to reveal a seemingly confused Barbara, and asked, babbling, whether Chris was home or not. Barb was previously described as looking frail, more "gone" than usual, and growing facial hair.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387/page-48#post-9991909</ref> Barb seemed to be confused when asked about where her son was while [[Clover and Snoopy|Clover]] howled at the door. Given that Barb did not know that she was being recorded, this was seen by some as evidence that she is not faking having cognitive difficulties as some claimed she did in Chris's begging videos, or at least that her alleged difficulty hearing is getting worse.

The video was then posted to the r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ps1foq/i_went_to_chris_chans_house_and_met_barb/</ref> but was deleted though not before being mirrored.

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = I went to Chis Chan's house and met Barb...
| ytid = 6cd_VfIhRBg
| stardate = [[September 2021]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[dog whimpering throughout the video]''

'''Ellen''': Hey. Um, I was just wondering if Chris was home. ''[steps in front of her friend to get closer to Barb]'' I was just wondering if Chris was home.

'''Barbara''': Pardon?

'''Ellen''': Y- is Chris home?

'''Barbara''': I do not understand.

'''Ellen''': My- My friend Chris, I was just wondering if Chris was here.

'''Barbara''': No.

'''Ellen''': Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry to bother. ''[Barb closes the door]''

==Larry Vaughn==

On 16 December 2021, [[Larry Vaughn]] decided to visit 14 Branchland Court after the totaling of [[Son-Chu]]. While there, he took two photos of the property, most notably with the van missing. He would later post both of these photos on [[Reddit]]. Larry had also claimed that Barb still lives at the house, despite the accident, and that the property was mostly cleaned up, clearing up the hoard, and possibly all of Chris's [[List of toys|belongings]].

<center>
<gallery>
File:14 Branchland Court - 16 Dec 2021.jpg
File:14_Branchland_Court_-_16_Dec_2021_2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Iron_Taipan==
22 [[January 2023]]
{{main|Redditor Ruckersville visit}}

==DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS==

On the evening of 3 [[May 2023]], redditor DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS posted a series of images of [[14 Branchland Court]].<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/13b8278/chris_chan_house_update_may_3rd_2023_barb/</ref> What makes this visit notable is that the Redditor saw a glimpse of [[Barbara Chandler]], without being seen by her. DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS saw her in the upstairs window in the third pic, obscured by the tree. He left immediately after noticing Barb, confident he wasn't spotted. He planned on visiting once more the next morning, although decided against after he found Barb was [[Jail_Letter_-_21_July_2022|not in a nursing home]].

{{quoteboxgreen|After I took the third pic I drove a little bit forward to get an additional angle of the house and then thats when I saw her. It was unmistakable, it was her with her white grown and white hair looking off to the right side of the window, possibly doing dishes something, idk whats up there. She wasnt looking at me thankfully but she couldve came to that window after hearing my car (which isnt very quiet, especially at 10 at night) and seeing who was out there.}}

Maintenance of 14BC's exterior and lawn is continuing to occur, as the lawn appears to have been raked frequently and is actually regaining a healthy green colour. Inside, Chris's ''Sonichu'' poster visible from the window to [[Chris's room|his room]] is the only obvious sign of his former residence at 14BC. The lights within Chris's room are on, likely for [[:File:12.07.20_room2.jpg|housekeeping]] by Barbara's caretakers.

<center>
<gallery>
File:14BC1_May2023_(1).jpg
File:14BC2_May2023_(1).jpg
File:14BC3_May2023.jpg
File:Ideaguy_poster.jpg|The poster seen through Chris's window.
</gallery>
</center>

==Anonymous Facebook Member==

On the evening of 25 [[May 2023]], an anonymous post was made to a fan Facebook group<ref> https://www.facebook.com/groups/208043223590274/permalink/906798970381359/</ref>, showing a picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] and the [[Fashion Square Mall]].

{{quoteboxgreen| Did a bit of Christory touring today on the way down south}}

<center>
<gallery>
File:14BC_25May2023.jpeg
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[True and Loyal Fanbase]]

==Reference==
<references/>

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

File:14BC 25May2023.jpeg

2023-05-26T14:29:36Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Summary */

== Summary ==
A picture of 14 Branchland Court, uploaded to the Chris Chan Posting Facebook group on 25 May 2023

File:14BC 25May2023.jpeg

2023-05-26T14:29:15Z

Mrmariomaster: A picture of 14 Branchland Court, uploaded on 25 May 2023

== Summary ==
A picture of 14 Branchland Court, uploaded on 25 May 2023

Fan visits

2023-05-26T14:28:29Z

Mrmariomaster: added new visit

{{Protip|If you're thinking about taking a trip to personally check on Barb after [[Affair with Mother|what's happened]], then don't. She has been through enough in the past year as it is, and she is probably better off being left alone.}}

In recent years, Chris and/or Barb have occasionally been '''visited by fans''' at their [[14 Branchland Court|house]].

==Joey Vance==
[[File:JvanceandChris.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris with Joey (far left) and his brother.]]

On 18 [[October 2019]], '''Joey Vance''' and his older brother visited [[Sonichu Headquarters]] to meet Chris. Their accounts were posted on Reddit in r/ChrisChanSonichu the next day.<ref>[https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/dk6ttx/look_who_i_met_the_other_day_im_in_the_back_lol/ Original Post] ([http://archive.li/ZznCn Archive])</ref>

The two brothers were initially visiting [[Charlottesville]] and since [[Ruckersville]] just happens to be in their way, Joey decided to make the most of their time together to personally visit Chris. The overall visit was described as a calm experience between the two parties, with the older brother (known by his Reddit handle xv5qx) even giving a [[Sonic]] toy as a "peace offering". One interesting note Joey mentioned is the fact that Chris smells of [[weed]]. Whether the musk is the result of his usual poor [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|hygiene]] or his new [[Teen Troon Squad|drug habit]] is still up for debate.

===Audio===
Joey also recorded conversations regarding [[Jacob Sockness]].
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Chat with Christine Weston Chandler/Chris Chan
| ytid = HGXar9jLaq0
| stardate = 19 [[October 2019]]
| maker = Joey Vance 2
| previous = [[ChrisReleasesAStatementRegardingJacobSockness‎‎]]
| next = [[Chris Chan Sonichu plays Twilight Sparkle’s Secret Shipfic Folder, Solitaire]]
| subject = {{Jacob|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[A [[Clover and Snoopy|dog]] is heard whining eerily throughout the video]

'''Chris''': [Faintly] Hello?

'''Joey's Brother''': Hey, are you Christian Chandler?

'''Chris''': Yes...

'''Joey's Brother''': We live in the area- sorry to bother you- we've been fans for a few years and stuff and...

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': though we'd kinda give some gifts

'''Chris''': Oh, thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': That's very nice.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Its nice to meet you dude.

'''Chris''': Yeah. It's nice to meet you both.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Anyway, how have you been?

'''Chris''': I've been doing alright.

'''Joey's Brother''': That's cool.

'''Chris''': Ahh been doing very well, you knowsshh having to cope with [[Jacob_Sockness#Abortive_Virginia_trip|the events-]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah, I- I heard about the- the situation with the guy, I'm sorry to hear about that.

'''Chris''': Well don't worry about that, it's all cool.

'''Joey's Brother''': We're all looking out for your best interests, and you definitely have our support so-

'''Chris''': Thank- [[Homos|I love your blue eyes.]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Oh, appreciate it. I you- [[Heterochromia|blue and green eyes]], they're really cool.

[Pause]

'''Joey's Brother''': That's awesome! Yeah. So, anyway, um is it cool if we get a selfie or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah-

==Aggravating Art==
[[File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto2.png|thumb|250px|Chris with Aggravating Art.]]
On 20 [[February 2021]], a Ruckersville local by the handle of '''Aggravating_Art_2982''', along with his older brother and his brother's girlfriend visited Chris and documented his experience on [[Reddit]]'s r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit.<ref>[https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/lojfvv/me_and_my_brother_met_chris_today_ask_away/ Original Post] ([https://archive.md/MFjjm Archive])</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto1.png|Chris getting uncomfortably close with Aggravating Art's brother's girlfriend while looking like a stoned {{w|Rick Moranis}}.
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto3.png|Aggravating Art on the gazebo.
</gallery></center>
===Video===
Aggravating Art also recorded a short video featuring Chris's wardrobe.
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS CHAN DRIP OUT
| ytid = tQsTwz_Y_Vc
| stardate = 20 [[February 2021]]
| subject =
| style =
| shirt = Patriotic Muumuu
| saga =
| other =
| maker =
| previous = [[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]
| next = [[Chris Kisses Rosechu]]
}}

===Transcript===

[Laughing and dogs whining in the background]

Swag, dripped out baby! (higher pitch) Dripped out!

==Anon on /pol/==
On 28 [[June 2021]], an anonymous user on [[4chan]]'s /pol/ board visited 14 Branchlord Court to take pictures of the house and [[Son-chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|the Dodge Caravan]]. The user played the flute near [[Patti]]'s old doghouse and apparently saw Chris peeking through a window in the house.

<center><gallery>
File:June2021Visit1.jpg|
File:June2021Visit2.jpg|
File:June2021VisitThread.png|A screencap of the original 4chan thread.
</gallery></center>

==hoov2002==
On 27 [[July 2021]], Reddit user hoov2002 visited Chris at 14 Branchland Court, and took two photos with him. Of note is how both of these images feature Chris wearing [[negligee]], which he claimed he had been wearing during some instances of his [[Affair with Mother|affair with his mother]].<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref> This visit was not publicly posted about until [[March 2022]], likely due to the fact that Chris' incest came to light just a day later.

<center><gallery>
File:CWCWithFanJun27.png
File:CWCWithFanJun27 2.png
</gallery></center>

==Phillip Jeffries==
On 29 [[August 2021]], during the fallout of [[Affair with Mother|the incest incident]] and the [[Jail Saga#Arrest|August 2021 arrest]], a [[Kiwi Farms]] user called Phillip_Jeffries visited 14 Branchlord Court with a friend in order to see the condition of the aforementioned Dodge Caravan and [[Chandler cats|the cats]]. Phillip was able to confirm that the vehicle was back at the house, and that at least two cats, Baby and Sylvia, were still living at the residence. Most notably, it was also confirmed that Barbara had returned to the house and that the Caravan had been registered with replacement license plates.<<ref name="BarbBackIn14BC">[[Kiwi Farms posts (other users)#Status of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:August2021House1.jpg|
File:August2021House2.jpg|
File:August2021House3.jpg|
File:August2021House4.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Winfield Winfield==
{{See also|14 Branchland Court#September 2021}}
[[File:Cro-magnon_looking_ween.png|thumb]]
'''Dylan Winfield''', also known as '''Winfield Winfield''' is the self-published author of the first book in a planned horror novel series. Dylan seems to have found promoting his book by spamming Reddit and Twitter ineffective, so in June 2021 he hit upon the idea of sending a copy each to Chris and Barbara and asking for their reviews. Needless to say, the events of late July and early August would make that difficult, but Dylan continued to promote the idea of reaching out to Chris.

On 6 September 2021, Dylan traveled to Ruckersville, where he took a video at [[14 Branchland Court]] as well as numerous still images <ref>[https://imgur.com/a/j7ASWDl/ Trespassing Pic Collection]</ref> in an attempt to promote his book series by piggybacking off Chris's Internet infamy. In addition to committing the crime of trespassing, he can be heard making his agonizingly cringey commentary about the house and its surroundings throughout the video as well as mentioning his book, revealing his true purpose in making the trek to 14BC in the first place. The following day, he uploaded the video and messaged GiBi on twitter. This resulted in his exposure on the Kiwi Farms, and several people calling him out on his clout-chasing attempts, after which he deleted his video within an hour, suggesting he was following the thread. [[Autism|Why]], then, he didn't know better is a mystery.

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Outdoor House Tour (September 6th, 2021)
| ytid = VJQ6xPfdj8M
| stardate = 7 [[September 2021]]
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|

''[Video begins with a shot of Dylon's face.]''

'''Dylon''': Hi, everybody. Uh, my name is Winfield Winfield, I am the author of a horror novel, the start of a series, it's called "Cult of the Eclipse", so be sure to look for that online if you like ''Silent Hill'' kind of stuff, and you guys are not going to believe where I am. I am at...

''[Camera pans to show Son-Chu and the front of 14 Branchland Court.]''

'''Dylon''': ...Sonichu Headquarters! (chuckles) Oh man, I wanted to go ahead and see like what the house looked like, it was just a little road trip that I'm on.

''[Camera zooms in on Son-Chu.]''

'''Dylon''': I'm guessing that might be Barb's car here, uh, I wonder if those marks are from, uh, maybe [[28 October 2011|hitting Michael Snyder]], like who knows man. Okay...

''[Dylon walks to the side of the van, then looks inside the passenger-side window.]''

'''Dylon''': If, uh, you look really closely here...

''[Camera shifts to Dylon's face, then back.]''

'''Dylon''': ...you can see...there...is a bucket full of garbage, that's not shocking here...

''[He looks in the back of the van.]''

'''Dylon''': ...you got that going on in the back and whatever else. This unfortunately is not the Sonichu Car, I think everybody knows that it's stuck at that motel where [[Jail Saga#Arrest|Chris got arrested]] at, and the license plate's been stolen.

''[Camera zooms in on a "rejection" sticker from Virginia State Inspection on the front windshield.]''

'''Dylon''': Rejection...ooh, that doesn't look good. Okay...

''[Camera pans over the front of 14 BLC again.]''

'''Dylon''': Clearly nobody is here, so let's, uh, take a gander around here. Obviously, I can't go inside, but let's check out how it looks on the outside...we got a whole bunch of tall vegetation so far...

''[Camera looks at a tree in the front yard.]''

'''Dylon''': ...clearly hasn't cut the grass in a ''long'' time.

''[Camera pans to the road in front of the house.]''

'''Dylon''': Uh, trash cans are pretty empty, uh, I guess that means all the garbage is probably inside the house somewhere, but, uh, let's keep going. Go on a little outside tour...

''[Dylon starts walking around the house's right side.]''

'''Dylon''': You know, around the back is actually interesting, and I'll show you guys why in a minute.

''[Dylon enters the backyard, passing the bench and the house's back door.]''

'''Dylon''': Okay, got the bench, got a little trail leading to the back. Oh Jesus Christ, yeah, like right here, literally right here, you can actually like smell the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fucking BO]], like it, like right here, it smells like somebody hasn't showered in like three weeks, uh, I'm gonna put my short over my nose here.

''[Dylon looks up the stairs at the back walkway. A cat is sitting there.]''

'''Dylon''': There's a little [[Chandler cats|kitty]] up there, I don't know which cat that is or that's even the Chandler's cat for that matter.

''[Camera zooms in on the walkway.]''

'''Dylon''': Oh there's two cats! Poor babies, having to live with this family. (shifts camera to the vines growing on the side) Oh god, look at like the vegetation growing on the side right there, like that might be digging into the foundation. Man, I wonder how bad that is.

''[Dylon walks across the back yard.]''

'''Dylon''': Okay, uh......

''[Camera shifts to the shed) there's the shed]''

'''Dylon''': There's the shed, some cats ran off in there, probably scared it's one of the Chandlers, knowing this place.

''[Camera turns back to the house)]''

'''Dylon''': Yeah, more uh, tall vegetation on this side, probably eating away at the place, and if Chris-Chan gets sentenced, I mean, shit, it might get worse over the next 10 years, like who knows.

''[Camera turns to the gazebo]''

'''Dylon''': And over here, we got the little gazebo, Bob's little gazebo here.

''[Dylan approaches the gazebo]''

'''Dylon''': There's a little dog house here, probably where [[Patti Chandler|Patti]] is, poor girl. God, could you, could you imagine how nice of a place this could have been if the Chandlers just took care of it?

''[Camera turns back toward shed]''

'''Dylon''': Man, but then again, Chris Chan wouldn't be so famous now, would he? Okay, um...I'm gonna see if I can go around to the other side here and take a look...

''[Camera goes around the outside of the house again]''

'''Dylon''': Okay...and over here we got this little pathway here, it's all broken up as you can see. Okay...

''[Dylon finds Bob's old greenhouse.]''

'''Dylon''': That's...oh my god! What is that, is that supposed to be like the, the dream factory? Let me take a look...there are little steps here, gotta be careful.

''[Camera moves past a side entrance, looking inside.]''

'''Dylon''': Holy shit, the light's still on. Ugh, I do not want to see that electric bill.

''[Camera looks inside the greenhouse.]''

'''Dylon''': Thinking outside, what the f-, what...okay, uh, a ton of junk in here. It's probably more Chris Chan shit, I don't know if, um, you can get a decent view in here. Unfortunately, it's locked, we can't really get a better look, but hopefully, hopefully you guys can see okay. All righty...

''[Dylon walks around the greenhouse, showing the junk crammed in the windows.]''

'''Dylon''': Uh, let's see if there's anything else to look at here.

''[Dylon heads around the back of the greenhouse and finds what appears to be a jungle gym.]''

'''Dylon''': Whatever that's supposed to be, I don't know, man. Is that supposed to be like the dream factory, or is it, it's just a regular tree house or a regular little kid's club house or something. I don't know. Oh holy fuck, look at this. Look at this.

''[Camera pans over the extremely overgrown yard.]''

'''Dylon''': Jesus tap-dancing Christ, god look at the state of the yard, holy fucking dog shit, man. Man that is just wild. God, holy shit, look at this.

''[Zooms in on side of house.]''

'''Dylon''': It's like the plants are growing into the house, like check this out, I mean, it's not like going up the wall, it's actually trying to go like into the wall itself, like take a look here. Uh, Jesus Christ. Oh my god, taking over the gutters, too.

''[Dylan finds a pool of stagnant water]''

'''Dylon''': What is this supposed to be, is that like a pool? I can't really tell, it's just so, it's just so murky and filled with like rain and, er, and like dirt and earth and...fuck, man. God...man, that's a shame, it's a shame what happened to the Chandler place.

''[Camera pans over the back yard again, then moves toward the road]''

'''Dylon''': Oh my god, I feel like, like I genuinely feel like I'm walking through the woods right now. Jesus god almighty, god look at this fucking place. God, I almost tripped over a rock there.

''[Dylon notices a dry stone fountain]''

'''Dylon''': A little fountain, totally unattended, unkempt, not shocking at all. Okay, going back to my car here, so...

''[Camera turns around to Dylon's face]''

'''Dylon''': I hope you guys, uh, enjoyed that somewhat. It was uh, definitely worth driving here from Pennsylvania. All right, have a good one, guys.

''[Video ends]''

}}

==e1ectricthunder==
[[File:E1ectricthunder.jpg|thumb|160px|right|Party on, Garth!]] '''e1ectricthunder''' was a young woman who posted a very brief video of her and an unknown accomplice interacting with Barb. The two of them went to the Chandler home, claimed to be friends of Chris's looking to get in touch with them, and were met only by a very confused-sounding Barb. Their visit was not well-received, especially on the Kiwi Farms, where this was viewed as the harassment of an elderly woman, who was a subject of sexual abuse from her own son, for Internet clout, which lead to her doxing.

On 20 [[September 2021]], she and an unknown male visited 14 Branchland Court, knocked on the door to reveal a seemingly confused Barbara, and asked, babbling, whether Chris was home or not. Barb was previously described as looking frail, more "gone" than usual, and growing facial hair.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387/page-48#post-9991909</ref> Barb seemed to be confused when asked about where her son was while [[Clover and Snoopy|Clover]] howled at the door. Given that Barb did not know that she was being recorded, this was seen by some as evidence that she is not faking having cognitive difficulties as some claimed she did in Chris's begging videos, or at least that her alleged difficulty hearing is getting worse.

The video was then posted to the r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ps1foq/i_went_to_chris_chans_house_and_met_barb/</ref> but was deleted though not before being mirrored.

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = I went to Chis Chan's house and met Barb...
| ytid = 6cd_VfIhRBg
| stardate = [[September 2021]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[dog whimpering throughout the video]''

'''Ellen''': Hey. Um, I was just wondering if Chris was home. ''[steps in front of her friend to get closer to Barb]'' I was just wondering if Chris was home.

'''Barbara''': Pardon?

'''Ellen''': Y- is Chris home?

'''Barbara''': I do not understand.

'''Ellen''': My- My friend Chris, I was just wondering if Chris was here.

'''Barbara''': No.

'''Ellen''': Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry to bother. ''[Barb closes the door]''

==Larry Vaughn==

On 16 December 2021, [[Larry Vaughn]] decided to visit 14 Branchland Court after the totaling of [[Son-Chu]]. While there, he took two photos of the property, most notably with the van missing. He would later post both of these photos on [[Reddit]]. Larry had also claimed that Barb still lives at the house, despite the accident, and that the property was mostly cleaned up, clearing up the hoard, and possibly all of Chris's [[List of toys|belongings]].

<center>
<gallery>
File:14 Branchland Court - 16 Dec 2021.jpg
File:14_Branchland_Court_-_16_Dec_2021_2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Iron_Taipan==
22 [[January 2023]]
{{main|Redditor Ruckersville visit}}

==DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS==

On the evening of 3 [[May 2023]], redditor DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS posted a series of images of [[14 Branchland Court]].<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/13b8278/chris_chan_house_update_may_3rd_2023_barb/</ref> What makes this visit notable is that the Redditor saw a glimpse of [[Barbara Chandler]], without being seen by her. DATSJUSTWATINEED2BUS saw her in the upstairs window in the third pic, obscured by the tree. He left immediately after noticing Barb, confident he wasn't spotted. He planned on visiting once more the next morning, although decided against after he found Barb was [[Jail_Letter_-_21_July_2022|not in a nursing home]].

{{quoteboxgreen|After I took the third pic I drove a little bit forward to get an additional angle of the house and then thats when I saw her. It was unmistakable, it was her with her white grown and white hair looking off to the right side of the window, possibly doing dishes something, idk whats up there. She wasnt looking at me thankfully but she couldve came to that window after hearing my car (which isnt very quiet, especially at 10 at night) and seeing who was out there.}}

Maintenance of 14BC's exterior and lawn is continuing to occur, as the lawn appears to have been raked frequently and is actually regaining a healthy green colour. Inside, Chris's ''Sonichu'' poster visible from the window to [[Chris's room|his room]] is the only obvious sign of his former residence at 14BC. The lights within Chris's room are on, likely for [[:File:12.07.20_room2.jpg|housekeeping]] by Barbara's caretakers.

<center>
<gallery>
File:14BC1_May2023_(1).jpg
File:14BC2_May2023_(1).jpg
File:14BC3_May2023.jpg
File:Ideaguy_poster.jpg|The poster seen through Chris's window.
</gallery>
</center>

==Anonymous Facebook Member==

On the evening of 25 [[May 2023]], an anonymous post was made to a fan Facebook group<ref> https://www.facebook.com/groups/208043223590274/permalink/906798970381359/</ref>, showing a picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] and the [[Fashion Square Mall]].

==See also==
*[[True and Loyal Fanbase]]

==Reference==
<references/>

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Template:Did you know

2023-05-10T12:29:33Z

Mrmariomaster: added original spelling error

{{#switch: {{{1|{{#expr:{{#time:s}} mod 19}}}}}
|0=
*... that [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#GodofThunderGodofWar|this webiste, the CWCki, is a LOAD OF BULL]]?
*... that Chris got [[Polyamorous marriage|married]]... [[Magi-Chan|to]] [[Cryzel Rosechu|four]] [[Mewtwo|of]] [[Sylvana|his]] [[imaginary friends]]?
*... that [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|told]] Chris that [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] was to be his TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]]?
*... that a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessing]] can counter the extreme bad luck and misfortune associated with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] attack?
*... that [[Misc E-mails#Uri Geller Emails|Uri Geller]], a famed magician, tried to give Chris a reality check when he sought psychic training?
*... that [[Autism Awareness E-mails|Chris is capable of taking care of himself]]?
*... that Chris once attended a [[Chris and mental healthcare#Relationship Management Classes|Relationship Management Class]] intended for couples?
*... that [[Bob]] wanted Chris to [[THAT IS MY HOUSE#Uncut|shut that goddamn thing off]]?
**... and that Chris was working on it!?
*... that Chris did not discover [[Mass debating|masturbation]] until the age of 16?
|1=
*... that Chris has performed [[Dick Licker; that is I|oral sex on Magi-Chan]]?
*... that [[BlueSpike]] was the [[ween]] in the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4mkAw9Be-k JULAAAAAAAY call]?
*... that [[JenkinsJinkies]] is definitely '''NOT''' Chris?
*... that Chris was no longer [[So Need a Cute Girl|stuck as a]] [[virgin with rage]] after [[Mia Hamm|hiring a prostitute]]?
*... that Chris will never get to return the favor by dancing with [[Tiffany Gowen]] at their [[high school]] reunion?
*... that Chris has committed [[28 October 2011|assault and battery]] against [[Michael Snyder]] and [[26 December 2014|illegally pepper sprayed]] the [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]]?
*... that Chris got fired from [[Wendy's]] for scaring a small child with his [[Donald Duck impersonation]]?
*... that Chris attempted to fix [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]], and somehow made it make less sense?
*... that <s>[[Chris]]</s> <s>[[BILLY MAYS]]</s> <s>[[Allison Amber]]</s> <s>[[Brendan Fraser]]</s> [[Mary Lee Walsh]] is the Mayor of [[CWCville]]?
*... that the [[Idea Guys]] [[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris|brainwashed]] Chris into believing that [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|his imaginary daughter Crystal]] would be brought into the world by [[:File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|Chris anally raping Sonichu]]?
*... that Chris is cool with adoption, but his dream of his future daughter calls for [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#Edit details|blood, tears and semenal descent?]]
|2=
*... that Chris was accused by [[trolls]] of killing [[BILLY MAYS]] because he took Chris' spot as Mayor of CWCville?
*... that the [[Dimensional Merge]] will bring fictional characters and [[imaginary friends]] into reality?
**... and that the new [[dimension]] will be named 1C-211987, a mashup of our current dimension 1218 and Chris's fantasy dimension C-197?
*... that Chris is [[JenkinsJinkies|as wild as a serial raper]]?
**... and that Chris tried to scare us with a ghost dog story?
**... and that Chris tried to disguise himself as a troll?
*... that the [[trolls]] may have [[2012 Poster campaign|hired a skywriter]]?
*... that Chris believes that [[CWCville]] is real?
*... that Chris, [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#GodofThunderGodofWar|in his own words]], buys "[[Obesity|healthy food]], [[My Coke Rewards|good]] [[Alcohol|drinks]] and [[List of toys|just]] [[Video games|necessities]] with [[Monthly tugboat|Good Money]]?"
*... that Chris once tried to get [[Nowacking|a MLP fandom voice actor]] to unblock him on [[Twitter]] by [[BronyCon_2018#Nowacking_rejection|gifting a toy and a drawing]]?
|3=
*... that Chris can put his [[January 2020 social media posts#Magic Bottle|energy into crystals]] and drink that same energy to rejuvenate himself, thus creating energy in the process?
*... that Chris believes that ''{{w|Who Framed Roger Rabbit}}'' is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|an accurate depiction]] of [[Chris and reality|reality]]?
**... and that in the days before [[Meditation#Astral projection|Astral projection]], a dance mat in his room was [[CWCville#Geography and location|one way]] to reach CWCville?
*... that Chris’s [[BronyCon 2017#Dancing with Magi-Chan|dance partner]] in BronyCon 2017 was also an imaginary friend?
*... that Chris’s investment strategy is to [[Chris and money#Lottery|stake $8 on the lottery]] every week?
*... that ''[[My Little Pony|Equestria Girls]]'' is ranked #2 in Chris's [[August 2013 Facebook Posts#Top Movies List|Top Movies List on Facebook]]?
*... that Chris once had a strong disdain for the ''[[Harry Potter]]'' franchise [[Chris and brand loyalty|due to a perceived rivalry with]] the ''[[Pokémon]]'' franchise?
*... that Chris believes that [[The Simpsons|Lisa Simpson]] will be the President of the United States after the [[Dimensional Merge]]?
**... and that [[November 2020 social media posts#.23LisaSimpson2020|Chris seemingly voted for Lisa Simpson in the 2020 Election]], despite endorsing [[Joe Biden]] to take over the Presidency after [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]]?
*... that [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]], even though Chris now identifies as [[transgender]] and isn't actively growing facial hair?
|4=
*... that Chris spends a lot of time in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]], in spite of a traumatic experience with [[Abusive babysitter|a babysitter locking him in there]]?
*... that YouTuber [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_3pplzbKMZsP5zBH_6SVJQ GenoSamuel2.1] has a documentary series on Chris that is 73 episodes long?
*... that Chris believes that he could influence the international company Hasbro to [[My Little Pony Protests|cancel a ''My Little Pony'' reboot]] because he told them that the characters didn't like being in it?
*... that Chris really [[Fridays After Five|cannot dance]]?
*... that Chris recycled his own [[semen]] by drinking it?
**... and that Chris believed that drinking Fanta before cumming would give his semen the same taste?
**... and that Chris [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|mixed semen with Fanta]]?
*... that Chris wishes you a [[Bunny Hop|hoppy Easter]]?
*... that in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], Chris called his [[Chandler Family Tree|family]] a bunch of pack rats?
*... that Chris has said [[Niggos]] only once, but has used the actual N-word multiple times?
**... That Chris was under the influence of trolls when he said those words?
|5=
*... that Chris has been recording himself [[Chris and anger|freaking out on camera]] as early as [[Song of Christian|10th grade]]?
*... that Chris [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|stuck anal beads up his asshole]] but threw them away after using them because they were covered in shit?
*... that you should [[Believe in the OCs and Deities!|believe in the OCs]]?
*... that serial killer Ted Bundy was actually a framed [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] named [[Bundychu]]?
**... and that [[Bundychu]] is friends with [[Bob Chandler]]?
*... that despite being the [[Chris and his ego|so-called]] [[CPU]] of the Commodore systems, Chris [[naive|doesn't know]] how to turn a [[Commodore 64]] on?
*... that Chris stuck his [[duck]] in some [[Cwcsicle|snow]]?
*... that [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]]?
*... that [[Alec Benson Leary]] imprisoned four [[Rosechu]]s in his [[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|basement]]?
*... that Chris drove [[Clyde Cash#Ryan|Ryan Cash]] to [[Chris and death#Suicide|suicide]] when he temporarily cancelled ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''?
|6=
*... that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] has his own [[Sonichu Amiibo|amiibo]]?
*... that [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]?
*... that [[A-Logging|A-Log]] is Chris-Chan 2.0?
**... and that [[Michael J. Hirtes]] is A-Log 2.0 (and thus Chris-Chan 3.0)?
*... that Chris went to a [[Impulse Gay Social Club|a gay bar]] on a few occasions?
*... that the [[United States of America|American]] government pays Chris [[Monthly tugboat|$27 every single day]] to sit around the house doing little to nothing?
*... that [[Direct Message to Hasbro: MLPG5 Is Cancelled.|MLPG5 is cancelled]] and G4 needs 5 more seasons?
*... that Chris [[Autism Awareness E-mails|doesn't have a caretaker]], despite how badly he needs one?
*... that Chris [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|reinterpreted]] one of [[Lovely Weather|his characters]] when he believed that she had taken the form of [[Jessica Quinn|his newest sweetheart]]?
*... that Chris believed he cured his [[autism]] by listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]?
|7=
*... that Chris joined [[DeviantART]] to get in touch with choice Fan Artists?
*... that Chris believes he has [[Common Questions#26 January 2010|over a billion people]] in his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]?
*... that Chris wanted "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to be repealed so that [[homos]] "[[Mailbag 49|can go die in explosions]]"?
*... that Chris went to school [[Jackie Chat 9|on the short bus]]?
*... that Chris chatted on AIM with [[Vanessa Hudgens]]?
*... that Chris is a [[Chris and stress|stressed]] [[:Category:Yo! CWC Raps|homeboy]] [[Chris and the Law|imprisoned]] in lulz?
*... that Chris told [[Barbara]] about his [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|masturbation]], but [[Bob]] was not as open minded on the subject?
*... that Chris [[Self-inflicted taint wound|slashed his taint]] open as part of a DIY gender transition attempt?
*... that Chris used to [[A Week With Christian Chandler|sleep in class]] (and had no shame about it)?
*... that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|the pickle man]] [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|tricked Chris again]]?
|8=
*... that Chris considers the "[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|romance]]" in his comics as his best art?
*... that Chris describes World War II as [[Manchester High Leaks#Japan War Essay|"a very tragic event with guns, insults, and... yuck!"]]?
*... that Chris's [[CWC Ancestry|23andMe DNA results]] indicate that he has no [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] ancestry, but is 1.3% [[Super Mario Bros.|Italian]]?
*... that Chris [[100 2278|cannot do a single pull-up]] or [[CWC 30 Push Ups|push-up]]?
*... that Chris [[Power|once knew a man from Nantucket]]?
*... that on his [[MySpace]], Chris marked his [[Obesity|fat]] contacts with "More to Love"?
*... that Chris is the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the Card Gamer|Level-Up King]]?
*... that [[Virginia is for Virgins]]?
*... that [[Bob]] believed [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Michael Snyder]] and some [[homos]] are [[Matthew Noble call|behind all the trolling]]?
**... and that Chris [[Facebook#Game Place|believed it too]]?
|9=
*... that Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|voided himself in terror in his sleep]] when he thought that [[Clyde Cash]] [[Ivy Q&A#Threats|was trying to kill him]]?
*... that [[Common Questions#31 December 2009|Chris's creative process is Random, Extensive, Tough to Comprehend sometimes]]?
*... that Chris thinks you're "[[10 September 2009|trolling stupid]]"?
*... that Chris once [[Goodwill Offering and Kindest Wishes|visited an abandoned sanatorium]] to leave an offering to the haunting spirits, only to have it removed by a [[Weening|ween]] mere hours later?
*... that Chris tried starting a career as a [[Carlos Chantor|male prostitute]]?
**... and that Chris tried starting a career as a [[Stephanie Bustcakes|female prostitute]]?
*... that Chris thinks that those with [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|Asperger's]] try to take the Shine and Limelight away from true [[Autism|autistic]] people?
*... that [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|farting is OK]], and actually helps cure cancer?
*... that Chris [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|once said that ''Pain'' is a fun game]], despite having no trophies for it on PSN?
*... that Chris once had a prostitute [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|hang up]] on him?
|10=
*... that Chris hates the word "[[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]]" almost as much as the word "[[Naïve]]"?
**... and that Chris has no idea what [[Naïve]] actually means?
*... that [[Bryan Bash]] sent [[Hooker incident|a handful of hookers to Chris' house]]?
*... that [[Jerkhief|wooden badges]] are delicious?
*... that Chris loves [[McDonald's]], while his [[dad]] preferred [[Burger King]]?
*... that Chris's name used to be "Christopher", [[Christopher's name change|until a man in a bear suit misheard his name and called him "Christian"]]?
**... and that his [[Chris and Spanish|Spanish]] name is Ricardo?
**... and that his legal name is now [[Transgender|Christine]]?
*... that the [[Chris's Big Night Out#Grip 'n' Sip|Long Island Iced Tea]] is the official cocktail of [[Krapple|/cow/]]?
*... that [[Ivy]] was real?
|11=
*... that Chris really likes [[Britney Spears]] (no matter what they all say)?
**... and that his favorite song from "[[:Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|Air Britney]]" is "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHbCK3ETweQ E-Mail My Heart]"?
*... that [[Brushfire Video|a male idiot tried to put out a fire]] while Chris just stood there and watched?
*... that [[Liquid Chris]]'s real name is [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]?
**... and that Solid Chris's name is not [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]?
*... that [[Jerkops]] are actually mall security "in colors other than blue and black"?
*... that the ''[[Saw]]'' movies are some of [[Common Questions#31 December 2009|Chris's favorite movies]]?
*... that [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]] is a church for all of [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]]'s children, regardless of [[Chris's birthday|age]], [[race]], [[Women's rights|gender]], [[Chris and money|socio-economic]] [[Financhu Crisis|situation]], or [[homos|sexual orientation]]?
*... that [[Bob Chandler]] helped host the [[WTJU Marathon]] back in [[1990s#1990|1990]]?
*... that Chris's [[duck]] [[Jackie E-mails 23|is bigger than previously photographed, and is no longer bent]]?
|12=
*... that Chris's [[Donald Duck impersonation]] is the most terrifying thing in existence?
*... that Chris's failure is in defiance of genetics: his [[Bob Chandler|father]] was an engineer who published seven patents; his half-brothers are [[David Alan Chandler|a doctor]] and [[Cole Smithey|a film reviewer]]; and his [[Carol Chandler|half-sister]] is a [[Autism|mathematician]]?
*... that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] has his own [[Sonichu the Animated Series|animated series]]?
*... that [[Evan]] killed [[Simonla Rosechu|Mommy]]?
*... that Chris can handle getting [[University of Virginia|fake numbers]] from girls because of ''[[Seinfeld]]''?
*... that Chris originally was a [[Chris's Wikipedia profile#College Time|marketing major]] (which he picked at random) before picking [[CADD]] when he enrolled at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]?
**... and that he [[Father Call|didn't know]] what kind of jobs one could get with a CADD certificate?
*... that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel the Witch]] isn't blonde with devil horns, she has grey hair and wears a horned helmet?
*... that Chris actually [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] Sonichu?
*... that Chris should have changed the oil in [[Son-Chu|his car]] in [[April 2009]], but still hasn't done it?
|13=
*... that [[Yawning Squirtle]] sells the best [[Tobacky|weed]] in [[CWCville]]?
**... and that [[Weed|weed]] is an instant life sentence in maximum security prison?
*... that Chris [[Imaginary friends|had a conversation with]] [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] while in a meeting with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]?
**... and that Chris fired a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] at Walsh [[Jackie Chat 5|in the same meeting]]?
**... and that this incident is what got him suspended from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]?
*... that Chris insulted a [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|mentally disabled]] fan?
*... that for [[Christmas]] [[2004]], Chris asked Santa for a [[girlfriend]]?
**... and that on Christmas Day 2004, Chris became depressed because he didn't get one?
*... that Chris was hoping to celebrate his birthday and eat pancakes instead of attending his [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral the same day?
*... that Chris believes himself to be a descendant of [[Anne Boleyn]], Queen of England?
**... that Chris also believes [[Daniel Weston|one of his ancestors]] sailed aboard the ''Mayflower''?
|14=
*... that Chris and [[Jacob Sockness]] aren't dating... yet?
*... that Chris believes that [[Sex toys|butt plugs]] are linked with [[IRC (27 December 2008)|spontaneous human combustion]]?
*... that [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] was [[Christian's Update 13 September 2008|real]]?
*... that Chris attempted to [[dox]] multiple people, while not realizing that just posting a list of Twitter handles isn't doxing?
*... that [[Barbara Chandler]] won the [[:Image:419-CWCWeekP13.jpg|Mother of the Year 2000 award]]?
*... that Chris has dreamed about [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|having sex with his mom]]?
**... and that Chris [[Affair with Mother|has been charged with having sex with his mom]]?
**... that Chris has not been charged with rape?
*... that Chris believes if ''[[My Little Pony]]'' G4 isn't renewed to Season 14, [[Akan]] will [[My Little Pony Protests|invade Equestria]] and eventually [[1218|our own universe]]?
*... that [[Barb]] [[Mumble 2#A Wild Snorlax Appears|sings while vacuuming]]?
*... that Chris [[McIntire Park|throws rocks at women]] to attract them?
|15=
*... that even now, Chris does not think he is [[Obesity|fat]]?
*... that [[Sarah Jackson]], Chris's sweetheart and a Decepticon, was brutally murdered by [[Optimus Prime]]?
*... that Chris loves to give [[CWC Blog#29 November 2009|dating advice]] to [[Manchester High School|high schoolers]] in spite of never having been on [[Dating Education|a real date]] as a teenager or an adult?
*... that Chris repeatedly dreamt his [[sweetheart]] amid a [[Quizzes#Christian Weston Chandler Quiz|watery maze]]?
**... and that Chris [[Autism|expects his fans to know]] what happens in his [[dreams]]?
*... that Chris [[Chris lost Crystal|recorded himself screaming at a toilet]]?
*... that Chris has a fourth love doll, [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|Yumi]]?
*... that Chris claims to weigh [[WeighIn|216 pounds]]?
*... that [[June 2015|Sega knows]] about [[Sonic Boom Protests|Chris's attempts]] to [[Keep Sonic Original|change Sonic's]] [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|arms back]]?
*... that Chris rates jail [[Jail Letter - 25 October 2021 (Virginia fan)| a 2/5]]?
|16=
*... that [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] have a [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|second album]]?
**... and that [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]] serves as the spiritual successor to that band?
**... and that [[July 2021 social media posts#Chris and the Hedgehog Zaps concert|Chris and the Hedgehog Zaps]] is another spiritual successor to that band?
*... that Chris [[Homos|used to be a massive Homophobe]]?
**... and that Chris is now a proud member of the [[SLGBTQ]] community?
*... that Chris is a fan of [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCO1ITICo8MLHGAXR1uzFwjA OneyPlays], and [[OneyPlays Twitter Voice Clip|was amused by their impersonation of him]]?
*... that Chris spent nearly an entire year of his life [[Spirit possession|pretending to be possessed]] by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]?
*... that [[Ivy]] got Chris to watch ''[[Anime#The End of Evangelion|The End of Evangelion]]''?
*... that Chris purged all the comments from his [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]], except a poem from a [[Gal pal|random girl]] which [[Chris and his ego|praised him]]?
*... that he [[So Need a Cute Girl|never wants to hear you say]], "[[Boyfriend-free girl|I have a boyfriend]]"?
|17=
*... that Chris got tricked into [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|making a shout-out video]] dedicated to {{w|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|the Columbine shooters}}?
*... that ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' rocks?
*... that Chris was featured on {{w|Fox News}} as a means to criticize [[transgender]] people?
*... that Chris completed a commission tied to the [[:File:July12Fundraiser1.jpg|Sneed's Feed and Seed]] joke from [[The Simpsons]]?
*... that [[CWCville]] is pronounced as "quick-ville"?
*... that Chris believes that lolcow and spree killer [[November 2020 social media posts#Dimensional merge stuff|Andrew Blaze]]/[[List of Chris's comments on YouTube#Has Randy Stair gotten more popular since his death?|Randy Stair]] was aware of the [[Dimensional Merge]]?
*... that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] makes a cameo in a {{w|Dodie (singer)|dodie}} music video?
*... that [[Guitar Hero]] is Chris's source for [[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads|new music]]?
*... that Chris reenacted [[CopperCab]]'s [[Re-enactment - Gingers Have Souls|Gingers have Souls]] video?
*... that Chris [[Direct Message to Hasbro: MLPG5 Is Cancelled.|punched multiple holes in his wall]] to try to break through the [[Iron Curtain]]?
|18=
*... that the [[trolls]] behind the [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Kacey]] personas actually got married in real life?
*... that Chris thinks that obscure box office flop ''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]]'' is one of the greatest animated movies ever made?
*... that the [[My Little Pony|brony convention]] [[Everfree Northwest]] banned Chris after learning that [[Affair with Mother|he banged]] [[Barbara Chandler|his own mom]]?
*... that Chris has no idea what [[Autism]] really is?
*... that Chris has used a ruler to [[Mumble 8|measure]] his [[duck]], but never once in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]]?
*... that when a Sonichu or Rosechu drives, they drive a [[Sonichu 11|Hybrid]]?
*... that [[Kick the Autistic]] is America's favorite game?
*... that Chris used a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] for the first time in nearly a decade [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|after breaking up with]] [[Jessica Quinn]]?
*... that someone hacked into Chris's [[YouTube]] account and uploaded excerpts of [[A-Logging|Anthony LoGatto's]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"JULAAAY!"]] video [[Jail Saga|while he's in jail]]?
*... that infamous lolcow Ethan Ralph [[Jail Saga#Arrest|caught Chris's arrest on a livestream]] just to spite his former friend [[Null]]?
*... that Chris was originally going to voice the Grease Puddle in [[Chris in the media#Smiling_Friends|Smiling Friends]]?
|19=
*... that Chris [[Jail Letter - 30 November 2021 (Celestia)|foresaw your letter long ago]]?
*... that Chris sends [[Holy Labels]] to people who send him letters to help them purify their drinks?
*... that Chris had an actual [[The Suitress|True and Honest Sweetheart]] that got him arrested?
*... that Chris believes himself to be an incarnation of [[Chris and religion|Jesus of Nazareth]]?
*... that a group of trolls tried to [[Jail Letter - 3 October 2021|convert Chris to Islam]] in jail?
*... that Chris continues [[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021|his begging]] for hand-outs to [[debt|sustain the financial situation of 14BC]] even from behind bars?
**... and [[Barb]] hasn't gotten [[Jail Letter - 27 November 2021| a cent]]?
*... that the [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (Stories from the Penitentiary)|Bible is ''The Simpsons'' and the Qur'an is ''Family Guy'']]?
*... that [[Son-chu]] got totalled from Barb not giving right-of-way?
*... that Chris updated the Ten Commandments?
*... that Chris [[Jail Call - 1 November_2021|implied the trolling was worse]] than being [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|pinned down by 5 teachers]] and [[Kick the autistic|having his screams recorded for their amusement]]?
|20=
*... that [[Barbara]] [[Jail Letter - 11 January 2022|is a reincarnation of Merlin the magician]]?
*... that Chris can [[Masturbation discussions|feel how sad and horny he is]] in his heart and solar plexus chakra?
*... that Chris [[Gruppenfuhrer Fegelein chat|admits]] [[Women's Rights]] didn't exist in [[CWCville]] until [[2017]]?
**... and that he blames it on the past Chris?
*... that Chris spent $6,267.09 on [[toys]] during the [[Financhu Crisis]], which [[Chris and Money|could have paid off half the amount his creditors were suing him for]]?
*... that Chris's full name and description is [[Jail Letter - 4 January 2022|"Mrs. Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the Goddess Blue Heart of the Commodore Consoles, and the nations of Old Comma and Cwcville, Guardian of the Sonichu & Rosechu Species, and Immortal avatar, Lord, Messiah, Savior, and God of all"]]?
*... that the [[COVID-19]] pandemic [[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022|was engineered]] by [[Jacob Sockness]]?
*... that [[Count Graduon]] is the embodiment of Chris's disappointment towards his high school graduation?
}}<noinclude>{{Usage|1=This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It's a big list of Chris-related facts, divided into blocks that get randomly displayed.
* Before adding a fact, please make sure that it is a TRUE and HONEST fact and not just something you made up.
** Also try to ensure your fact isn't already covered somewhere else in the list. Your browser's "find" function (Usually accessed via pressing CTRL+F) can be useful in helping find similar entries.
* To add your fact, edit this template and choose a section. Any section will do, but if you have the time, pick one with the fewest entries within it.
* Start your entry on a new line, starting with '''*... that''' and then your fact.
* Add at least one related link which explains your fact further and check your spelling before saving.
|#default={{color|red|Error: block {{#expr:{{#time:s}} mod 19}} not defined.}}}}

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Here is the whole thing in action:
{{collapsible|Group 0 |{{Did you know|0 }}}}
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{{collapsible|Group 10|{{Did you know|10}}}}
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[[Category:Front page templates]]
[[Category:Pages that have been edited by Chris]]
</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2023-01-27T22:21:53Z

Mrmariomaster: added link

<center>[[Image:CWCki News.png|320px]] It is currently [[{{#time:F Y}}]].</center>
-----
<center>'''Current Updates'''</center>
*'''27 January''' - Chris appears in court and gets another continuance until [[Valentines Day Hymn|Valentine's Day]].
*'''22 January''' - A redditor visits Ruckersville and '''[[Redditor Ruckersville visit| gives us fresh pics of the house.]]'''
*'''17 January''' - It is found that another review has been scheduled for Chris's [[incest]] case, '''[[:File:Court Record - Greene Circuit Court - Incest - (Chris, CR22000141-00) - 17 January 2023.png|set for 27 January]]'''.
*'''9 January''' - A ween allegedly '''[[January 2023 jail visit|visits Chris in jail]]'''.
-----
<center>'''Recently Uncovered Info'''</center>
*'''26 January''' - [[The Place chats (December 2020)#Rough Financial Moment|The Place chats - Rough Financial Moment]] from [[December 2020]]
*'''25 January''' - [[The Place chats (December 2020)#Scary Barbara and Cirrusfire Rant|The Place chats - Scary Barbara and Cirrusfire Rant]] from [[December 2020]]
*'''24 January''' - [[The Place chats - Ben Saint]] from [[September 2019]]
*'''17 December''' - [[The Place chats - Chris and CWCki Server]] from [[August 2020]]


<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is two lists of recent Chris-related activity, one for current updates, and another for newly added information. To prevent the lists becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added; '''no more than seven entries''' should appear in each of the lists at any time.

To add new updates to the list, simply edit this template, and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Please also link to a source, and set it in '''boldface''', so viewers can know where to read further. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]]. Try to phrase things differently instead of always beginning entries with ''Chris does X''; it can get monotonous. Document the next milestone in Chris's legal proceedings (or when he is to be released from prison, should it come to this) in place of an Ongoing event.}}[[Category:Front page templates]] </noinclude>

CWC Update 29 July 2009

2022-10-26T13:06:37Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Transcript */ fixed

In "'''CWC Update 29 July 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update 07292009'''" for the original video and its extended cut, "'''CWC Update 07292009-2'''" for the Spanish companion video), [[Chris]] explains that he is a [[troll]] trolling trolls. Note that he somehow grew his full goatee back instantly.

He would later replace the video with an extended version, which adds a close-up of his driver's license and Chris asking his viewers to read about the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] on [[CWCipedia]], which he claims to be the new, official [[Sonichu]] website. Also of note is the addendum, in which Chris horribly mangles the language of Cervantes and infuriates many a speaker of the world's second language with most native speakers.

Chris posted [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWC_Speaks an article] on the CWCipedia that contains his TRUE and HONEST transcription and translation of his rant. To everyone's utter surprise, he fails at both.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 29 July 2009
| ytid = UPr2_umandU
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt2|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[CWC More Than A Feeling|CWC More than a Feeling]]
| next = [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
}}

{{quote|So, in a sense, I am a troll to those trolls ONLY.}}

=== Transcript ===

Alright... [[Captain's Log]], Stardate: July 29th, 2009.

Let's get this over with right off the bat. Dispelling rumors and making a few points. There are NO official [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] merchandise yet. Whatever you're buying right now, it's fake, especially from the damn [[niggos|black]]—brown... brown striped [[CChanSonichuCWC|impostor]] posing as me. Ignore all [[YouTube]] videos portraying me in a wrong sense, especially if it is not on my TRUE YouTube account, this one: I-B-A Chandler! Portra—playing also playing off of my father's license plate... a little bit. I B Mr. C! Follow Mr. C's, I'm an important C. (?) Mr. Chandler. [[IBAChandler]].

And yes, it is true, [[Rollin' and Trollin'|I have called myself a troll]], because I am trolling my trolls back! So, in a sense, I am a troll to those trolls ONLY. I am not a troll to any of the TRUE, [[HONEST]] people out there. I just—because of the Internet, and whatnot, it's hard to tell the difference. So, if you're not a troll, and you know you're not, it does not apply to you. Otherwise, you know you're a troll. I'M TROLLIN' YOU BACK!

And... it's okay to be... [[autism|stupid]] sometimes. Stupid... [[It's UGH!|damn, dirty song!]] While it is NOT okay to be [[homos]]exual, I will let—I will personally not judge any individual of that... one trait. I am willing to be friends with homosexuals. And let me make it clear: I will NOT TOLERATE ANY FURTHER DAMN, DIRTY STUPID QUESTIONS QUESTIONING MY DANG ORIENTATION! I, CHRISTOPHER "CHRISTIAN" WESTON CHANDLER, AM STRAIGHT! Have good faith... in me. And... to all my loyal, true [[trolls|viewers, fans everybody]]: you will be rewarded.

I leave that with you. Peace, and have a good day.

==Extended version==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 29 July 2009 (Extended)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WzbvaFKDlEU}}
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[CWC More Than A Feeling|CWC More than a Feeling]]
| next = [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Alright. Captain's Log, Stardate: July 29th, 2009.

Let's get this over with, right off the bat. Dispelling... rumors. And making a few points. [''looks at a piece of paper, apparently with his notes''] There are no... official... Sonichu or Rosechu merchandise yet. Whatever you're buying, right now, it's FAKE, especially from the damn black—brown—brown-STRIPED impostor posing as me. [''looks back at paper''] And I can best prove who I am. [''moves away from camera, but comes closer to it and shoves his face in the camera''] CLOSE UP. ZOOMING in on ME. [''shoves driver's license into the camera, mumbles''] With... my driver's license... with the customer number censored. [''flips the license around''] Can you copy FRONT and BACK? FRONT and BACK? [''turns it to its side''] THICKNESS? [''flips to the back''] Front... [''flips back to the front''] Front reflective Virginia... Can you see it? [''pulls license away and shoves his face back in''] I think... [''dramatic glasses removal''] ...not.

I think not. [''flashes license again'']

[''steps back into proper frame, reads off of paper'']

Ignore all YouTube videos portraying me in a wrong sense. Especially if it's not on my true YouTube account, this one, '''''IBA'''Chandler''. Portray—playing—also playing off my father's license plate. Little bit. I be Mr C. A lot of Mr. C's... I'm an important C.: Mr. Chandler. I be a Chandler.

[''looks back at paper'']

And yes, it is true: I have called myself a troll because I'm trolling my trolls back, so, in a sense, I am a troll to those trolls only. I am NOT a troll to any of the TRUE, HONEST people out there. [''replaces glasses''] I just—because of the internet and whatnot, it's hard to tell the difference. So, if you are not a troll, and you know you're not, this does not apply to you. Otherwise, if you know you're a troll... [''shrugs, then points dramatically''] I'M TROLLING YOU BACK! [''points and goes to say something, but doesn't'']

AND... it'sokaytobestupids. [''he says this fast and softly, then mumbles''] ...That damn, dirty song. [''looks at paper, ponders.''] While it's NOT okay to be homosexual, I will not j—I will not personally judge any individual [''removes glasses again, and starts reading off the paper''] ...that one trait. I am willing to be friends with the homosexuals. And let me make it clear: [''drops glasses, lifts finger''] I will not tolerate '''any more damn, dirty, stupid question my dang orientation'''! I, Christopher Christian Weston Chandler, am STUH-RAIGHT! Have good faith in me.

And to all my True, Loyal viewers, fans, everybody. You will be rewarded. Look up the history of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens for one, a full, extended story from. My. Head. And my hands, typed. On the new, the official, as of 2009, the new s—the official s—CWC's Sonichu and Rosechu Site.

I will leave that with you. Peace, and have a good day.

==Addendum==

In this video, Chris horribly mangles the Spanish language. There are a total of 18 jump cuts in this 193-second video, suggesting that rather than speaking Spanish as a second language, he simply wrote a script based on his limited knowledge and consulted it after every sentence, hoping no one would notice.

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 29 July 2009 (Addendum)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Mm4CNpP5jeE}}
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[CWC More Than A Feeling|CWC More than a Feeling]]
| next = [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

====Original====

''Captain's Log, Stardate: May(?) 29th, 2009''

¡AY! Impostor en rayas de marrón. [''cut''] Yo tenía dos años de español en mi escuella secundaria, Manchester High. Con mi señora bonita. [''cut'']

Y yo recibe durante los clases [''cut''] el apodo que yo use para mi Internet, RICARDO, mi nombre fue Ricardo en las clases de español. [''cut''] Recuerde el es- el Pokésite de R.W.C [''the W is pronounced ''doble ve'' like in Spain''] con ''CWC Pokésite 2'', ''CWC's Bionicle site'', ''CWC's Hot Wheels site'', ''the original CWC Sonichu site''. [''cut'']

Yo voy a hácer una apuesta. Que tu, el impostor, no graduaste desde [''high pitch''] TU escuela secundaria. ¡En serio! [''cut''] Yo, el verdad, Christopher Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler, [''cut''] no solamente me gradue de Manchester High con mi TITÚLO [shows degree, then puts it down]. Mi titúlio de ''basketball'' en mi fi- en mi año de ''freshman'' [''shows his basketball degree, proceeds to put it down'']. ¡Stúpido! TU ERES STUPIDO. [''cut'']

No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos de ''[[HONOR ROLL]]''. ¡Bueño! [''cut'']

¿Y como fue escribe en los cómicos de Sonichu [''feels his badge''], Rosechu y yo? [''semi-gangster expression''] ¡Yo! [''cut'']

Yo fue a Piedmont Virginia Community College para mi—[''cut''] Para mi título y certificado para ''COMPUTA EDIT DRAFTING AND DEZAIN''. [''shows both certificates, and the second one seems to have some Chris-chan Sonichu & Megan art''] [''cut'']

Que yo diplomade muy bueño y recibe en... ''June, 2006''. [''guess he never learned how to say dates in Spanish''] [''cut'']

¿Donde está tu titúlo de Manchester High? Tu titúlo de Piedmont de t—¿Tu certificado de Piedmont de ''Computer-Ai—drafting & design''?

¿Donde están? [''cut''] Tu no tienes. [''dramatic glasses removal''] Tu no tienes. ¿VERRRRDAD?

Tu no tienes, yo tiene. Yo soy el verdad Christopher Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. Entonces, POR FAVOR. Para todo el—todos los veces en el futuro y ahora. [''hand gestures''] [''cut''] ¡Dejar de este juego maldito! Impostor, tonto y estúpido. [''homo pose''] [''cut'']

También. Me presente. Responde en español bueño. [''because your Spanish is excellent, Ricardo''] ¿Si no que bueño? Tu no eres el verdad. Tu eres el impostor. [''cut'']

¿Responde en Íngles? No es bueño. No es bueño, tonto impostor en rayas de marrón. [''cut'']

Paz.

====English translation====

Captain's Log, Stardate May(?) 29th, 2009

Aye! The impostor in brown stripes! I have two years of Spanish in my secondary school, Manchester High, with my pretty lady.

And during class I received the nickname I use on the Internet "Ricardo". Ricardo, my name in Spanish is Ricardo. Remember the Pokésite of RWC with CWC Pokésite 2 CWC Bionicle site and original Sonichu site.

I'm gonna bet you impostor that you didn't graduate from your high school. Really? I the real Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler not only did I graduate from Manchester High School [''shows his high school diploma''] with my diploma. My basketball diploma from my freshman year [''shows his stupid diploma''] Stupid.... You are stupid!

Not only with them but with my honor roll points, good!

And how was it that I wrote the comedians [''translator's note: He actually says comedians, instead of comics''] of Sonichu Rosechu and me?

I went to PVCC for my title, certificate of CADD [''shows a couple of diplomas, and second one of the them with his stupid Chris-chan drawing holding Megan''] I received a very good diploma in June 2006.

Where is your title from Manchester High? Where is your certifica...—your certificate from PVCC for CADD? WHERE ARE THEY? You don't have them.... You don't have them, right?

You don't have them; I have them. I am the real Christopher "Christian" "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. So, please, for eve... for all time in the future and now. Leave this damned game, you stupid dumb impostor.

Also, please respond in good Spanish, if not good? You are not real, you are the impostor, respond in English? NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD, YOU DUMB IMPOSTOR!!!

Peace

====Alternate translation====

Captain's Log, Stardate: May(?) 29th, 2009

Aye! Impostor in stripes of brown! I had two years of Spanish in my secondary school, Manchester High, with my pretty lady.
And I received during my classes [''jump/pause''] the nickname that I used for my Internet: Ricardo. My name was Ricardo in the Spanish classes.

Remember the sp- the Pokésite de R.W.C with CWC Pokésite 2, CWC Bionicle site, the Original CWC Sonichu site.

I am going to make a bet: that you, the impostor didn't graduated from your High School. Really? I the truth, Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler. Didn't just graduated from Manchester High with my DEGREE. [''shows degree, then lowers it''] my degree of Basketball in my freshman year [''same previous motion'']. Stupid, you are stupid!

Not only it takes years but with my points of Honor Roll. Good! [''cut''] And how it was who wrote in the comedians of Sonichu, Rosechu and me, me! I went to Piedmont Virginia Community College for my title and certificate for Computer-Aided Drafting and Design. [''shows both certificates, and the second one seems to have some Chris-chan Sonichu & Megan art''] That I diplomated very good and received in June 2006.

Where is your title from Manchester High? Your title from Piedmont, your certificate from Piedmont of Computer-Aided Drafting and Design.

Where is it? You don't have them. [''dramatic glasses removal''] You don't have them, RIGHT?

You don't have them, I has. I am the true Christopher Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler. So, PLEASE, for all future and now actions. Stop this damned game! You stupid and dumb impostor.

Also, Make present. Respond in good Spanish. If not, what good? You are not the real one. You are the impostor.

Respond in English? Not good. Not good, dumb impostor stripes of brown.

Peace.

==== A Spanish correction (AKA what Chris would've said if he could speak in Spanish at all) ====

Bitácora del Capitán, Fecha Estelar: 29 de Mayo, 2009

¡Ay, impostor de rayas cafés! Yo llevé dos años de Español en mi preparatoria,
Manchester High, con mi querida maestra. Durante estas clases, recibí el apodo que
uso en internet, RICARDO. Este fue mi nombre en las clases de Español. Recuerden
el ''Pokésite'' de R.W.C, el segundo ''Pokésite'' de CWC, el sitio de bionic de CWC y el
sitio original de Sonichu.

Voy a hacer una apuesta. Apuesto a que tú, impostor, no te graduaste de tu preparatoria. ¡En serio! Yo el verdadero, Christopher "Christian" "Ricardo" Weston Chandler, no solamente me gradué de Manchester High con mi TÍTULO, sino también con mi título de Basquetbol en mi primer año. ¡Estúpido! ERES UN ESTÚPIDO.

Y no solamente me gradué con éstos [''diplomas''], sino también con mis puntos en el Cuadro de Honor. ¿Cómo ves?

¿Y quien fue el que escribió los cómics de Sonichu, Rosechu, y yo? ¡YO!

YO fui a la Universidad Comunitaria de Piedmont Virginia para obtener mi título y certificado en Diseño Asistido por Computadora.

Me gradué perfectamente, y me recibí en Junio del 2006.

¿Donde está tu titulo de Manchester High? ¿Tu título de Piedmont de t—
¿Tu certificado de Piedmont en Diseño Asistido por Computadora?

¿Donde están? No los tienes, Tú no los tienes, ¿VERDAD?

Tú no los tienes, pero yo sí. Yo soy el verdadero Christopher Christian "Ricardo"
Weston Chandler. Entonces, por favor, para siempre, ahora y en el futuro,
¡deja este maldito juego! Impostor tonto y estúpido.

Además, me presenté. Ahora tú responde en español correcto. ¿No puedes? Entonces no eres el
verdadero. Tú eres el impostor.

¿Respondes en inglés? Eso no es bueno, no está bien, tonto impostor de rayas marrones.

Paz.

==Liquid's response==

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = Liquid's Response
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0t3MBa-3Ovw}}
| stardate = 29 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [[Liquid]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| previous = [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]
| next = [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

''¡Hola! Este es el verdadero Ricardo Weston Chandler. Impostor en el pequeño chaleco, yo no solo comprender su ultimo video, pero tiene excelente dominio de la idioma de Cervantes. Puedo establecer mi identidad hablan muchos idiomas. Je parle aussi Français comme je l'ai pris [sic] deux ans de français dans mes années lycées à Manchester. Avec ma jolie professeure de français. J'ai obtenu ma [sic] diplôme avec mention. J'ai même un certificat à partir du moment où j'ai été l'assistant-responsable de l'équipe. of PVCC. Auch hab ich zu lernen(?) von Deutschen und bin in der Lage, zu sprechen fließend Deutsch. Nicht zu erwarten, aber il- ich sind(?) ein Zertifikat in CADD.'' Hmm.


うそなんじゃフォトはせっかく工夫は済めば. まぁ、そうには正しいクリスならばと読める彼だが、彼の問題は全てこれらの言語で応答する必要がありますぅ！(''Usonanja foto wa sekkaku kufuu wa sumeba.'' (?) ''Ma, souni wa tadashii Chris naraba to yomeru kare daga. Kano mondai wa subete korera no gengo de outou suru hitsuyou ga arimasu~!'') Hmm. Um, hmm...

I wish to go over a number of things, but uhh... first I'd like to tell you [''dramatic glasses removal, and replaces glasses'']: I love my sweet Kacey! My sweetheart Kacey and I are going to be together forever! And I love her with my heart! And we met because of... Sonichu! She will be my caring girl and I will never leave her. We have already gone out on our FIRST DATE. FIRST DATE! Hmm...

Now, uh, on to more important things. I wish to, uh, as a high-functioning autistic male, uh, to explain autism, briefly to y'all- [''jump cut'']

Now a, uh, public service announcement, if you will. [[Autism]] is a mental block where uh, it's hard to do things and even the slightest of things that you don't want to do will uh, give you [[stress]]. When you are uh, stressed as an autistic, it's just easy to fall asleep. And Asperger's Sydrome is- does something to this very similar to autism. People with [[Asperger's]] take things very literally, which sometimes is another mental block to understanding others, or the ladies. Hmm. Both the Asperger's and autism are start from a ear- start from an early age, in which you are diagnosed and given documents proving it. My name is Christian Weston Chandler, and I swear on my Asperg- I mean my autism, that uh, that these things must be, uh... remembered.

Oh uh, and another thing, uh: I have made my rectum with [[Clyde]]- I mean I have- I have rectified things with Clyde. He has uh, apologized for uh, taking money from [[Barbara|my mother]]'s retirements accounts, and I have apologi- and has apologized for torturing me in the past. I thank you, Clyde, and uh, this could- this could be the start of a uh, beautiful friendship. I d- I do not- I do not have to worry about him uh, you know, trolling me anymore...

And finally, uh, ''Sonichu: The Crystal Chronicles''. Hmmm. The game is, uh, coming along so well that I have been able to print out the images that the uh, that the designer has sent me.

[''shuffles through a bunch of papers showing the design process and character concepts. Notable standouts are the [[BILLY MAYS]] Library, Liquid himself, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].'']

Hmm... yeah, so uh... You know, I'm doin' pretty well right now, uh... I was able to buy my uh, my father [[Robert Chandler]] a uh, a new axe for his uh, [[Bob Walks In|woodworking hobby]]. And uh, I have- I have bought my- I have bought my uh, a uh, Pokémon Flutes for my uh, for my mo- mother [[Snorlax|Barbara Chandler]] for her- for her music. And I have bought myself just- just a- a whole bunch of rare [[Transformers]] toys and animation programs off o- off of [[eBay]].

[''Voice that sounds like Homer Simpson'']"Autobots, defeat those Decepticlones!"

Peace. Oh, hmm, and another thing uh... The- the uh, Dark Horse Publishers has uh, offered me a, to create my own uh, template for a uh, official ''Sonichu magazine''. So hmm, why'n'ch- why'n'cha take a look here... [''Shows the cover of his magazine''] It's the uh, Rapid Fast ''[[News Dash]]''.

Hmmm. I love ya Kacey!

====Translation====

Hello! This is the real Ricardo Weston Chandler. Impostor in the small vest, I do not only to understand your last video, but it has excellent command over the Spanish language. I can establish my identity they speak many languages. I also speak French as I took (it) two years of french during my high school years at Manchester. With my pretty French professor. I obtained my diploma with mention. I even have a certificate to commemorate when I was the manager of the (varsity) team. [Can't make this out, but it sounds like "I also have to learn from Germans"] and I am capable to speak fluent German. Not to be expected, but [can't make it out, sounds like "I are a certificate"] in CADD. Hmm. It's a lie, the photo, though effort has been made. Well, if he is the real Chris, then he should be able to read this, but he has to answer every question in these languages!

==See also==
*[[Spanish]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC More Than A Feeling]]|nextlink=[[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-07-29]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-29]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-29]]

Incest Call

2022-08-18T13:47:35Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Third leak */

{{Unreliable|type=context}}
{{quote|[[Honest Content|What compelled Chris to tell you that stuff?]]|Bella's friend Louize.}}

{{quote|beats the fuck out of me|Bella.<ref name=BellaReaction>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Bella reacts to incest call]]</ref>}}

The '''Incest Call''' refers to a video call which took place between Chris and [[Bella]]. The date of the call is unclear and is estimated to have occurred either in the evening of 27 July 2021 or in the early morning hours of 28 [[July 2021]].{{refn|group="note"|<ref name=BellaReaction></ref>}} During the call, Chris discussed him and [[Affair with Mother|his mother having engaged in substantial sexual activity]]. The call was partially recorded by Bella, who compiled together "random clips" from the conversation.<ref name=BellaReaction></ref>

Other subjects discussed in the call include [[Everfree Northwest]] convention plans and the consideration of [[the Suitress]] as a potential girlfriend in lieu of Chris's mother (a notion which Chris rejects).

Prior to the call, Chris had been sustaining a misleading cover story to multiple trusted individuals, including Bella, that his sex partner was simply an older woman. In a display of [[Honest Content]], Chris decided to reveal the truth to Bella. In a text message to Bella before the call, Chris strongly implied that his cover story was concealing an illegal act and recommended the encrypted text/video call app Signal.<ref>[[Bella chats#Chris Wants to Spill the Beans]]</ref>

Audio from the call was publicly leaked multiple times with varying amounts of censorship. The first leak by [[EllDudeRocks]] had a runtime of about 4 minutes and consisted only of Chris's voice, followed a few hours later by another cut with Bella's voice retained. In the following days more material was leaked by Bella, with the longest version being just over 21 minutes long. All leaked recordings have notable cuts in the audio.

Bella has claimed the full call lasted around four hours and that the bulk of conversation was a "long and actually very pleasant talk", but the full conversation was not recorded. She said she "didn't start recording until AFTER he showed [...] the vibrators and "organic lube foam" he was using on his mom".<ref>{{cite farms|title=leaking new info|thread=96813|post=9607177|wayback=20220115230847}}</ref>

According to Bella, Chris talked in detail about kinky sexual acts on his mother - such as usage of vibrators, candle wax, and nipple clips - but that this alleged talk was not saved due to her iPad cutting off the recording.<ref name=BellaReaction/>

==Audio==
The fourth version of the call.
{{Infobox/video
| name = Incest Discussion
| ytid = E1pNvrqpx04
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| stardate = 28 July 2021 (leaked 3 [[August 2021]])
| saga = {{Incest|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===


'''CHRIS''': ...We pro- we proceeded towards it more slowly.

'''BELLA''': "Mhm. Sorry, I'm putting the volume, for my- I can't- I have a really bad ear because I just, I got sick, like, you can hear it in my voice. It's hard to hear anything at all. But I can hear you now. Go ahead."

'''CHRIS''': "Alright. So anyway, um, every -- with the, with the events and everything and I was feeling like, I really needed a sensual release, and..."

'''BELLA''': "Mhm."

'''CHRIS:''' "Not too many, not too many individuals this side of the [[iron curtain]] were coming up to plate right, right down there, so..."

'''BELLA''': "Right."

'''CHRIS''': "And then the- everything was coming into good alignment and it was, the signs were all [inaudible] [[Chris and religion#Concept of Emanuelle|Emanuelle]], you know, God, just said that it was okay and managed to guide me towards..."

'''BELLA''': "God said this was okay? Yeah, then you don't have anything to worry about if God himself said 'This is fine!'"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. And uh, so yeah. I gave it a lot of thought myself and I was like 'Okay, so I'll take a dive for it,' so..."

'''BELLA''': "But how did this happen? How did this come about?"

'''CHRIS''': "Well, among which just mainly I'm just, really, really horny and I needed a true and honest, uh, relationship to come about, so... Obviously, this was one of the best ways to do it despite it being with uh... I don't want to believe in labels at all but I mean obviously, tale- the incest fanfics have come true and shit."


'''BELLA''': I didn't even know there was such a thing! I didn't even know there was incest fanficsh- were there about you and Barbara? I can't believe that. I didn't even think that I- I knew that you guys had a good ''relationship'', but I always thought- 'cause I'm not huge on Christory, and y'know, whatever, I just thought that the whole Sonichu franchise was very interesting, and that's how I- I got into you when I was younger, right? But I had- I didn't have any idea that Barbara was, um, that Barbara and you had that sort of relationship. I never got any of those, uh, vibes. But, um, how did you approach her?

'''CHRIS''': [''stress sigh''] I approached her with care and caution. And... it was a timed approach. So I just, gave her comfort, to talked with her, and we just branched out slow and steady, and that night I encouraged her positively, let ''her'' make the first move, 'cause she wanted to do it an'...

'''BELLA''' (interrupting): Oh, she did? Really? She made the first move?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah.

'''BELLA''': Oh. Oh, really? Wow, ''Barbara'', ha ha! How- how did she do, if you don't mind me asking? What was the first move?

'''CHRIS''': [''stress sigh''] Uh, I don't remember exact- well, that was her first move but my approach was... Hm. Well, I forgot exactly what it- what terminology approach I used but, care and caution.

'''BELLA''': That's good.

'''CHRIS''': And I was... I was most, I was direct and upfront with her for the most part.

'''BELLA''': That's good. And how did she respond when you, uh, when you, um, approached her? What did she say?

'''CHRIS''': I don't, I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was kind of, I think, she was [[Rape|partially confused]] at one point but, but then she came around, obviously, with the more approaching, with the more approaching that I was doing with her along the way.

'''BELLA''': Right, so she... so she got into it. How was the first kiss? You kissed her? How did that feel? Having known this woman for your whole life, how did that feel?

'''CHRIS''': Oh, yeah, I mean, it was simple, uh, lip, lip lock, lip-to-lip kiss, but yeah. It was actually good. It felt right.

'''BELLA''': When did you start having feelings for Barbara?


'''CHRIS''': Well, obviously for, well, for a long time, I mean, I remember even mentioning some time ago in one of my videos that I even had dreams where I had, I had sex with her, obviously. So...

'''BELLA''': Really, yeah? Is that, um, I- I- I've heard of- I don't know what it is, per, uh, per se, but, is that what Oh-dipus complex is called, is when, uh, um, is when, you like your mother? Is that what it's called, I don't know what it means, though, I just thought, I thought, I just thought might be.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, the uh, that's right, the {{w|Oedipus complex}}.

'''BELLA''': Oh, Oedipus, that's right, yeah. Yeah, that's right, ennh... how, how if you don't mind me asking it, I know it's probably personal, you don't have to ''answer'', but... how is the sex?

'''CHRIS''': Uh, I'd say it was satisfactory, it took a while, took a few tries to...

'''BELLA''': [''giggling''] It took a few tries? Yeah... she is o- she is ''older''...

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, plus, uh, also she's very exstanding about the whole thing as well, I was direct with her, still direct and honest with her, made sure that I, yeah, obviously, I'm never gonna propose marriage to her at all 'cause we're already daughter and... mom...

'''BELLA''': Yeah, mother and daughter. You know, they say there's no, there's no stronger bond than a mother and her daughter, that's true. I'm- I'm pretty close to my mom, I don't- I don't think I'd be ''that'' close, but... I do- I do in some ways project, you know, the kind of woman I'm interested in, with the kind of woman my mother is, and I didn't realize it until I got older. I was like, wow! She's- she's not- she kind of, y'know, similar- has similar qualities to my mother! And I think, 'Oh! Well, shoot!' Um, I'm very- I'm glad that you're telling me, because a lot of people would hold this inside, and it would tear them apart, you know, but then again, yeah your, your body is, um, your body now, isn't it
only like a projection of your true form? Aren't you from like, you're from like another dimension, right? You're a Sonichu.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, well, not really a projection because this body is interdimensional. [''continues speaking, inaudible as Bella cuts him off'']

'''BELLA''': Yeah, it's interdimensional. But are you related to Barbara in, um, are you related to Barbara, in like, um, the different dimensions?

'''CHRIS''': [''stress sigh''] I'm not sure how to answer that question off the bat right now, 'cause-

'''BELLA''': Right. You're just still figuring it out. How long have you two been going at it?

'''CHRIS''': Well, we've been um, doing it every third n-

[''Bella sneezes'']

'''BELLA''': Sorry?

'''CHRIS''': "We've been doing it every third night, and the first might be on June 27th."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, you have a routine? Huh."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''BELLA''': "Well, at least you have a stable, you have a stable relationship because you know it's not going to end if anything happened. You'd still be, you'd still be, you know, you'd still be mother and daughter. It's not going to like, be an explosive break up, right? That's, at least that's comforting."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah. So you said since June, June?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah it, It took us a few nights to, it took us a few nights to figure, figure out what made, what felt right and what didn't feel right, and..."

'''BELLA''': "Does your mother enjoy it?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. She's having, yeah she's having a good time, literally."

'''BELLA''': "She is? She's having a good time?"

'''CHRIS''': "She'll -- Yes, sh -- well, we're, we figured it out."

'''BELLA''': "That's great to hear. Do you guys act more like mother and daughter, or do you guys act more like, you know, lovers, when.... Like say, you come home from, you know, the supermarket and you see Barbara. Uh, would you say 'Hey sweetheart' or do you say 'Hi mom?'"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah I'm, I'm, I haven't called her 'mom' in quite some time now."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, really?"

'''CHRIS''': "So, yeah, I'm, I'm more often calling her 'love' at this point."

'''BELLA''': Oh, yeah, that's sweet. That's sweet. I call my girlfriend 'love' too. Well, I used to, the old one, haha. I- I don't- you're- you're in a relationship and I'm not, so you're- you're more experienced than I am, definitely. But you recently started dating [the Suitress], isn't that, that's true, right? An open relationship?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah it, it's, it's, yeah between Barbara and I it is an open relationship and I made that very clear with her."

'''BELLA''': "Right. Is Barbara dating anybody else?"

'''CHRIS''': "Well, uh, she's not."

'''BELLA''': "No? But she's fine with you dating other people, right?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, she's okay."

'''BELLA''': "Do you guys go on any dates or anything romantic like that?"

'''CHRIS''': "Mm, well, I'll be, well not anything extravagant but we do, uh, as often as possible, eat at the dinner table together."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "We haven't been able to picnic much lately because I've had to switch to a soup diet becau -- after getting the crown..."

'''BELLA''': "Uh-huh."

'''CHRIS''': "...my tooth."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, did you? I always thought the dentist was a sham, because whenever I- because they say i'm genetically prone to get cavities, even though I brush my teeth all the time, and no matter how I brush my teeth and floss and I get a cavity. The thing is if you ignore it i mean by ignore you like take care of it yourself it goes away for me. But I never- I don't think I've ever got a crown in, yeah. I've gotten- gotten a gold over here."


'''CHRIS''': Yeah, well, anyway. Uh, so I had to get roots now, before [?]

'''BELLA''': Right. Ow, that hurts, yeah.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, I could- Yeah, I could appreciate that as well, but... uh, she's not exactly one for the shopping time, but- ['''BELLA''': Right.] Yeah, all these- ['''BELLA''': Right.] It wasn't- She's still trying to remember her inner child... ['''BELLA''': Right, that's true, yeah.] ...might as well, but I, but I'm encouraging her towards the possibi-, towards the positives and, you know, be my homemaker."

'''BELLA''': Yeah. Yeah knowing, knowing you Christine, I think that, uh, because you, I, I know, I noticed that she was mature, you know, and she's mature and she's wise. She's wise in her ways and um, you know, she has experience and she loves you, and you two have a great relationship. But wouldn't you want somebody who's younger? Right? To keep up more with your energy? Yeah.

'''CHRIS''': Uh, yeah, obviously, but, y'know, obviously, if I could find some...

'''BELLA''': There's [the Suitress]! [The Suitress]'s very interested in you! [The Suitress]- yeah, [The Suitress]'s very interested in you! She's a super-girl. Yeah.

'''CHRIS''': I have foreseen- I have lived in the future, and I know she's gonna find her better, long-term sweetheart.

'''BELLA''': [The Suitress]?

'''CHRIS''': On campus.

'''BELLA''': Are you sure? ['''CHRIS''': Yeah.] Because [the Suitress]- [the Suitress] talks to me, saying how great you are, and how much she loves you, right? Maybe 'cause the future can change, with fate?

'''CHRIS''': Um, it's a possibility, but it's-

'''BELLA''': Why don't you try for her? Because- y'know- 'cause [stammers] [the Suitress] consented [?] to having an open relationship, right? I'm sure she's- you're fine, with, uh, both of them now. BUt, over time, [the Suitress] really, really, really adores you. And she's a wonderful girl. I text her a lot, we chat. We, um- She has never said a single negative thing about you. She- She adores you, like, and- She'll be more open to stuff like, you know, having spa days, getting pizza, going out together, you know, and, she's um, she's probably newer in the bedroom, but she's willing to do it. She's willing to have fun with you.

'''CHRIS''': Yes, I agree. And I appreciate all that, yeah, I'm making the uh, short time, as a short time, count, as best as I can with her.

'''BELLA''': Oh, I understand.

'''CHRIS''': ...we're seen out and about [?] in the future, plus, I don't want to take her away from the colleges she chose to go to, which I'm sure, is still in [presumably the Suitress's home state] right there.

'''BELLA''': Uh, how far away do you live- um, from [presumably the Suitress's home state]? Because I almost- I was gonna go to [presumably the Suitress's home state].

'''CHRIS''': Um, [presumably the Suitress's home state] [stammers] is on the West Coast, and Virginia is on the East Coast.

'''BELLA''': Right, right. And plus, she's young! She has a lot of time to, um, she has a lot of time to travel, visit you, I mean- You've done long distance before, haven't you?

'''CHRIS''': Uh, yeah, a long-distance relationships, but- [''Bella coughs loudly'']

'''BELLA''': Oh, yeah, they suck. I know they suck, but what's important is that you make, uh, you make a relationship with her now, and that way, it'll stay, like, forever! And she'll come back to you, like she'll come back to you, I'm sure!

'''CHRIS''': Yes, it is a possibility, but I am more- I am more open. I'm thinking more on the higher-likelihood outcomes for this timeline, obviously.

'''BELLA''': Oops, sorry, just trying to get adjusted. Okay, that makes sense. Goober- okay, Goober, buddy. There you go. He was just tryin' to get my lip [?]

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, obviously. But yeah, still uh, would want somebody who was younger than, who is younger or close to my age, obviously, I don't know, maybe."

'''BELLA''': "You don't want anyone who's younger?"

'''CHRIS''': "Um, not too many, not too many other at this, at this time. But, I mean, obviously uh, with my affirmations on, on attracting my twin flame.

'''BELLA''': "Right. [inaudible], true. Um, for like, [inaudible] make sure to have uh, a lot of fun, make sure to have a, you know, push it with <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Suitress]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> and have a lot of fun with her, right? Because, um..."



'''CHRIS''': "Obviously."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah, because now you're doing this for your mom, uh, make sure -- I'll be there, I'll be there watching you guys to make sure that nobody is trying to... sorry, my throat... nobody's trying to hurt you, do anything, I'll take photos of you two. I'll have- I'll have just a screenshot- like a slideshow of romantic stuff between you guys, um. You, uh- Oh, the dance will be awesome. We could take turns. I'd like to dance with her too, and then you guys could take like the slow dance and whatever. And uh..."

'''CHRIS''': Well, we'll see. We'll see what we can arrange, because she obviously- because she only has the hotel room for the Friday night, and she would want to get home as- get home as quickly as possible, as she already... [inaudible] ...with her parents, and I don't want to- [Bella coughs loudly]

'''BELLA''': Oh yeah, her mom is pretty strict, yeah.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, but I mean, obviously, if she is, obviously, she is likely to, uh, head back home before the [unintelligible]

'''BELLA''': Oh, is she? Oh, no! I wanted to- I wanted to dance with her! Because I thought it'd be- Because I thought it'd be so cute! Because- since I'm there to protect you guys, right? I obviously, I'm gonna be enjoying the festivities with you two, but I wanted to take like um, I wanted to make a uh oh like slideshow, and like memory thingy. Of you guys together.

'''CHRIS''': "My mom and all the other [inaudible]..."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah. Yeah, right."

'''CHRIS''': "[inaudible] before they can register as well."

'''BELLA''': "But how are you feeling, Christine? How are you feeling? Because I know there's a lot of societal pressure on you about like um, this thing with Barbara. A lot of societal pressure and a lot of people, you know, consciously who judge, like would judge, and you know, there is a lot of eyes on you. It must be very stressful."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, it is."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah, I can imagine. I'm so sorry about all that stuff, yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "Well, still [inaudible] we still have Magi-chan and Cryzel to dance with."

'''BELLA''': "You always have --"

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''BELLA''': Uh, yeah, like again. My main job is photographer and bodyguard, but, I could dance for a little, take photos of other ladies I might wanna dance with, y'know, have fun, [''trails off'']. You know don't- don't just limit yourself, and I- I- I appreciate that you like um, the idea of um, open relationships, right? But, if, uh, [the Suitress] really wants to like, commit and settle down with you would you take that seriously and stop having open relationships?

'''CHRIS''': Well, I- I would consider... I really would wish I could consider [Bella coughs] I did, obviously. I don't want to take her away from her college. She still has a lot to learn for herself and experience.

'''BELLA''': What if she- What if- I get that, but what if, in like ten years, after she's done with college, and you still have a good relationship, and she's grown to be a beautiful woman, and y'know, everything, she says, "Christine, I really really really want to settle down with you. I love you from the bottom of my heart." What would you do?

'''CHRIS''': Well, okay well, after she's done with college and she's got herself organized, uh, on the highly highly unlikely event... for this timeline that she ''doesn't'' meet her long-term sweetheart ['''BELLA''': Right.] who will be better for her, then I would definitely be up for considering.

'''BELLA''': Why do you think that she has somebody else that's better for her?

'''CHRIS''': Well, I mean, I can't reveal too many details, I just, um, can only say that- say that she's got...

'''BELLA''': Oh, is this some kind of psychic thingie? Did you look into the future?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, that's-

'''BELLA''': Oh, okay. I understand. Oh, I see. Well, that makes sense, then, that you're not so confident. Yeah, it just really depends on the person. ['''BELLA''': Yeah.] How long are you staying at the event for again? Sorry.

'''CHRIS''': Um, we'll stay and watch the dead- [''Bella coughs''] Uh, like the plane ticket said I'll be leaving on the following Monday the 16th.

'''BELLA''': Okay, so- yeah. I just coordinating with the flight thing because I get mine
for... because I get mine for like a really big discount or free depending where they put me right? So um they're just they're still kind of iffy, but I at least have the tickets, but they could change them. So, um, but you're, you're from Seattle to Washington, right? I don't know if we'll
be on the same flight but I could try, uh if they if they have two stops from like from Michigan to Seattle to um yeah to Washington. Or if it's from like, Massachusetts. Yep?

'''CHRIS''': We could- we'll figure something out.

'''BELLA''': Yeah, we will. It'll be fine. We could do it another time, 'cause I have a cough, and it's hard to talk, and my throat kinda hurts --

[''cut in the audio'']

'''BELLA''': Alright, I understand- that I know the kind of person you are, and you're a good, caring person. And I know that, uh, you're doing it 'cause you love your mother-

'''CHRIS''': Thank you. That means a lot.

'''BELLA''': Hehe, look at my cat. Can you see him?

'''CHRIS''': Uh, kinda hard to see. ...I see him when he [???]

'''BELLA''': Do you see how- um you see how chubby he is? Do you see all this fat coming out from his neck he's got so fa-

[''cut'']

'''CHRIS''': "Um, so yeah [[Barbara|she's]] got a really sensitive G-spot because apparently I don't believe her -- I don't believe he ever, [[Bob|Mr. C]], any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands, they... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks."

'''BELLA''': "Right... right... Oh, okay, so yours is a bit bigger?"

'''CHRIS''': "They haven't, they have, they, were more focused on..."

'''BELLA''': "[coughs]"

'''CHRIS''': "...pleasuring themselves, really. As opposed to focusing on her, which -- that's my focus."

[''cut'']

'''BELLA''': ...'cause I know you wanna be with somebody, like yeah, more experienced and younger, I know you already said this, but I'm just, you know.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, and that's- And that's also one thing I definitely appreciate and, uh, the upcoming time with [the Suitress], because apparently, she's uh, she's had five cases of having sex. Or, close to it at least.

'''BELLA''': Yeah, I believe so, she's said that she had it before. She- she seems to be very uh open, and like not- not scared or nervous she's experienced. And that's what you like, right?

'''CHRIS''': But then also she's also had that experience with the pedophile Japanese teacher, apparently.

'''BELLA''': Oh, dear, ooh. Yeah, I don't know why, but, you know, like, all the Loli things and stuff? Like, it again, if it's just a drawing, it's not that much of a problem, but when it's like, but, people don't realize that it does, it does kind of cause, um, it does cause people to get, you know, it stops becoming a joke, it becomes- people become more and more, like attracted, then there are some crazies in the world that might use it and become more, uh, more likely to do it in person. It's like, you know, they say that a lot of the, uh, serial killers, um, the reason they came that way was because of
pornography? You know how easy it is to find stuff like child porn online? It's disgusting, but it's everywhere!

'''CHRIS''': Yeeessss!

'''BELLA''': Oh my god, holy crap, that's nasty. I can't believe-

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''CHRIS''': I've been in [[Chris's homes#Jails and institutions|jail]] before, so-

'''BELLA''': Oh, you have? I had no clue, really? ...Really?

'''CHRIS''': Um, well, essentially, uh, I've been in jail [[28 October 2011|tw]][[26 December 2014|ice]].

'''BELLA''': Oh, really?

'''CHRIS''': First time- First time was, uh, was... [[Snyder]] [[28 October 2011|set off his trap]] on me that time, which... lead me to come back to the [[Game Place|Game and Hobby Place]], yeah. So I spent time- spending one night in jail.

'''BELLA''': Oh, one night? Was there anybody there? ['''CHRIS''': Yeah.] In jail with you?

'''CHRIS''': Yes. Um, nobody was in the, uh, jail cell with me. [''unintelligible'']

[''The audio abruptly cuts out.'']

==Older versions==

===Original leak===
The first uploaded version of the leak was posted to YouTube on 29 July 2021 by [[EllDudeRocks]],<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urV7h_pT4kI (archive: https://archive.ph/MRHW2)</ref> which was a redacted version of an already redacted 9-minute version Bella had given to the Suitress.<ref>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Bella reacts to incest call|A discord leak where Bella admits to sending the Suitress a redacted version of the full call]]</ref> It was heavily censored to include only Chris's side of the conversation on the incest topic. It was deleted from YouTube for violating guidelines; an archive is at Kiwi Farms.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/reddit-discord-trannies-leak-chris-audio.96523/post-9562171</ref> The Suitress would soon leak the 9-minute version of the call Bella gave her when people were skeptical of the alleged incest described in the video.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Incest Discussion
| video = {{#ev:archiveorg|chris-chan-admits-to-having-sex-with-his-mother}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| stardate = 28 July 2021 (leaked 29 [[July 2021]])
| saga = {{Incest|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|
'''CHRIS''': "Um, so yeah [[Barbara|she's]] got a really sensitive G-spot because apparently I don't believe her -- I don't believe he ever, [[Bob|Mr. C]], any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands, they... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks."

'''CHRIS''': "They haven't, they have, they, were more focused on..."

'''CHRIS''': "...pleasuring themselves, really. As opposed to focusing on her, which -- that's my focus."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, it is."

'''CHRIS''': "Well, still [inaudible] we still have Magi-chan and Cryzel to dance with."

'''CHRIS''': "Incest fanfics that come true and shit."

'''CHRIS''': "I approached her with care and caution..."

'''CHRIS''': "And it was a, it was a time for us. So I just gave her comfort and talked with her and we just branched out slow and steady, then I, I encouraged her positively; let her make the first move. And she wanted to do it, and she..."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "Uh, I don't remember exactly. Um, well that was her first move, from my first approach, was... Eh, I forgot what exactly, what termin... what terminology and approach I used but I approached with care and caution."

'''CHRIS''': "And I was... I was most, I was direct and upfront with her for the most part."

'''CHRIS''': "I don't, I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was kind of, I think, she was partially confused at one point but, but then she came around, obviously, with the more approaching, with the more approaching that I was doing with her along the way."

'''CHRIS''': "Oh, yeah, I mean, it was simple, uh, lip, lip lock, lip-to-lip kiss, but yeah. It was actually good. It felt right."

'''CHRIS''': "Well, obviously for, well, for a long time, I mean, I remember you mentioning some time ago about my fantasy where I had dreams where I had, I had sex with her, obviously. So..."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, but yeah, that's right. The Oedipus complex."

'''CHRIS''': "Uh, I'd say it was satisfactory. It took a while, it took a few tries to [inaudible]."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, plus, uh also, she's very understanding about the whole thing is, when I was direct with her, still direct and honest with her, I made sure that I obviously, I'm never going to propose marriage to her at all, because we're already daughter and mom."

'''CHRIS''': "We've been doing it every third night, and the first might be on June 27th."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah it, It took us a few nights to, it took us a few nights to figure, figure out what made, what felt right and what didn't feel right, and..."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. She's having, yeah she's having a good time, literally."

'''CHRIS''': "She'll -- Yes, sh -- well, we're, we figured it out."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah I'm, I'm, I haven't called her 'mom' in quite some time now."

'''CHRIS''': "So, yeah, I'm, I'm more often calling her 'love' at this point."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah it, it's, it's, yeah between Barbara and I it is an open relationship and I made that very clear with her."

'''CHRIS''': "Well, uh, she's not."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, she's okay."

'''CHRIS''': "Mm, well, I'll be, well not anything extravagant but we do, uh, as often as possible, eat at the dinner table together."

'''CHRIS''': "We haven't been able to picnic much lately because I've had to switch to a soup diet becau -- after getting the crown..."

'''CHRIS''': "...my tooth."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. It feels right to remember her inner child [inaudible]."

'''CHRIS''': "[inaudible] As well. But I, but I'm encouraging her towards the possibi-, towards the positives and, you know, be my homemaker."

'''CHRIS''': "Obviously."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, obviously. But yeah, still uh, would want somebody who was younger than, who is younger or close to my age, obviously, I don't know, maybe."

'''CHRIS''': "Um, not too many, not too many other at this, at this time. But, I mean, obviously uh, with my affirmations on, on attracting my twin flame, we, we proceed towards it more slowly."

'''CHRIS''': "Alright. So anyway, um, every -- with the, with the events and everything and I was feeling like, I really needed a sexual release, and..."

'''CHRIS''': "Not too many, not too many individuals on this side of the iron curtain were coming up to plate (?) right, right down there, so..."

'''CHRIS''': "And then the everything was coming into good alignment and it was good [inaudible] Emmanuel, you know, God. Just said that it was okay and managed to guide me towards..."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. And uh, so yeah. I gave it a lot of thought myself and I was like 'Okay, so I'll take a dive for it,' so..."

'''CHRIS''': "Well, among which just mainly I'm just, really, really horny and I needed a true and honest, uh, relationship to come about, so... Obviously, this was one of the best way to do it despite it being with uh... I don't want to believe in labels at all but..."
}}

===Second leak===
Bella had initially given the Suitress a 9-minute version of the full call, which only had selected clips. The first leak which was made was a further edited version of the clip so that Bella's voice was left out to conceal her identity.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Incest Discussion
| ytid = OeiymfweViM
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| stardate = 28 July 2021 (leaked 30 [[July 2021]])
| saga = {{Incest|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|
'''CHRIS''': "Um, so yeah [[Barbara|she's]] got a really sensitive G-spot because apparently I don't believe her -- I don't believe he ever, [[Bob|Mr. C]], any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands, they... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks."

'''BELLA''': "Right... right..."

'''CHRIS''': "They haven't, they have, they, were more focused on..."

'''BELLA''': "[coughs]"

'''CHRIS''': "...pleasuring themselves, really. As opposed to focusing on her, which -- that's my focus."

'''BELLA''': "Right. [inaudible], true. Um, for like, [inaudible] make sure to have uh, a lot of fun, make sure to have a, you know, push it with <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Suitress]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> and have a lot of fun with her, right? Because, um..."

'''CHRIS''': "Obviously."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah, because now you're doing this for your mom, uh, make sure -- I'll be there, I'll be there watching you guys to make sure that nobody is trying to... sorry, my throat... nobody's trying to hurt you, do anything, I'll take photos of you two. The dance will be awesome. We could take turns. I'd like to dance with her too, and then you guys could take like the slow dance and whatever. And uh..."

'''CHRIS''': "My mom and all the other [inaudible]..."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah. Yeah, right."

'''CHRIS''': "[inaudible] before they can register as well."

'''BELLA''': "But how are you feeling, Christine? How are you feeling? Because I know there's a lot of societal pressure on you about like um, this thing with Barbara. A lot of societal pressure and a lot of people, you know, consciously who judge, like would judge, and you know, there is a lot of eyes on you. It must be very stressful."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, it is."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah, I can imagine. I'm so sorry about all that stuff, yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "Well, still [inaudible] we still have Magi-chan and Cryzel to dance with."

'''BELLA''': "You always have -- I, okay..."

'''CHRIS''': "Incest fanfics that come true and shit."

'''BELLA''': "I didn't even know there was such a thing. I didn't even know there was incest fanfics. Were there about you and Barbara? I can't believe that. I didn't even think that. I, I knew you guys had a good relationship but I always thought, uh, because I'm not huge on Christory and, you know, whatever, I just thought that the whole Sonichu franchise was very interesting. And that's how I, um, got into you when I was younger, right? But I had, I, I didn't have any idea that Barbara was um, that Barbara knew that you had that sort of relationship. I never got any of those uh, vibes. But, um, how did you approach her?"

'''CHRIS''': "I approached her with care and caution..."

'''BELLA''': "Mhm?"

'''CHRIS''': "And it was a, it was a time for us. So I just gave her comfort and talked with her and we just branched out slow and steady, then I, I encouraged her positively; let her make the first move. And she wanted to do it, and she..."

'''BELLA''': "Oh she did? Really? She made the first move?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''BELLA''': "Oh. Oh, really? Wow, Barbara! [Laughs] How, how did she do it, if you don't me asking? What was the first move?"

'''CHRIS''': "Uh, I don't remember exactly. Um, well that was her first move, from my first approach, was... Eh, I forgot what exactly, what termin... what terminology and approach I used but I approached with care and caution."

'''BELLA''': "That's good."

'''CHRIS''': "And I was... I was most, I was direct and upfront with her for the most part."

'''BELLA''': "That's good. How did she respond when you, when you um, when you approached her? What's she say?"

'''CHRIS''': "I don't, I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was kind of, I think, she was partially confused at one point but, but then she came around, obviously, with the more approaching, with the more approaching that I was doing with her along the way."

'''BELLA''': "Right. So she, so she got into it. How was, did you, how was the first kiss? You kissed her, how did that feel having known this woman for your whole life? How did that feel?"

'''CHRIS''': "Oh, yeah, I mean, it was simple, uh, lip, lip lock, lip-to-lip kiss, but yeah. It was actually good. It felt right."

'''BELLA''': "When did you start having feelings for Barbara?"

'''CHRIS''': "Well, obviously for, well, for a long time, I mean, I remember you mentioning some time ago about my fantasy where I had dreams where I had, I had sex with her, obviously. So..."

'''BELLA''': "Really? Yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, but yeah, that's right. The Oedipus complex."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, the Oedipus complex! That's right, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Uh. How, how, if you don't mind me asking -- I know this is probably personal, you don't have to answer. How was the sex?"

'''CHRIS''': "Uh, I'd say it was satisfactory. It took a while, it took a few tries to [inaudible]."

'''BELLA''': "It took a few tries? Yeah. She is old, she is older."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, plus, uh also, she's very understanding about the whole thing is, when I was direct with her, still direct and honest with her, I made sure that I obviously, I'm never going to propose marriage to her at all, because we're already daughter and mom."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah, mother and daughter. You know, they say there's no stronger bond than a mother and her daughter. Sorry?"

'''CHRIS''': "We've been doing it every third night, and the first might be on June 27th."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, you have a routine? Huh."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''BELLA''': "Well, you still have a stable, you have a stable relationship because you know it's not going to end if anything happened. You'd still be, you'd still be, you know, you'd still be mother and daughter. It's not going to like, be an explosive break up, right? That's, at least that's comforting."

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah. So you said since June, June?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah it, It took us a few nights to, it took us a few nights to figure, figure out what made, what felt right and what didn't feel right, and..."

'''BELLA''': "Does your mother enjoy it?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. She's having, yeah she's having a good time, literally."

'''BELLA''': "She is? She's having a good time?"

'''CHRIS''': "She'll -- Yes, sh -- well, we're, we figured it out."

'''BELLA''': "That's great to hear. Do you guys act more like mother and daughter, or do you guys act more like, you know, lovers, when.... Like say, you come home from, you know, the supermarket and you see Barbara. Uh, would you say 'Hey sweetheart' or do you say 'Hi mom?'"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah I'm, I'm, I haven't called her 'mom' in quite some time now."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, really?"

'''CHRIS''': "So, yeah, I'm, I'm more often calling her 'love' at this point."

'''BELLA''': "But you recently started dating <nowiki>[</nowiki>the Suitress<nowiki>]</nowiki>, isn't that, that's true, right? An open relationship?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah it, it's, it's, yeah between Barbara and I it is an open relationship and I made that very clear with her."

'''BELLA''': "Right. Is Barbara dating anybody else?"

'''CHRIS''': "Well, uh, she's not."

'''BELLA''': "No? But she's fine with you dating other people, right?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, she's okay."

'''BELLA''': "Do you guys go on any dates or anything romantic like that?"

'''CHRIS''': "Mm, well, I'll be, well not anything extravagant but we do, uh, as often as possible, eat at the dinner table together."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "We haven't been able to picnic much lately because I've had to switch to a soup diet becau -- after getting the crown..."

'''BELLA''': "Uh-huh."

'''CHRIS''': "...my tooth."

'''BELLA''': "Oh, did you?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. It feels right to remember her inner child [inaudible]."

'''BELLA''': "Right. That's true, yeah."

'''CHRIS''': "[inaudible] As well. But I, but I'm encouraging her towards the possibi-, towards the positives and, you know, be my homemaker."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah. Yeah knowing, knowing you Christine, I think that, uh, because you, I, I know, I noticed that she was mature, you know, and she's mature and she's wise. She's wise in her ways and um, you know, she has experience and she loves you, and you two have a great relationship. But wouldn't you want somebody who's younger? Right? To keep up more with your energy?"

'''CHRIS''': "Obviously."

'''BELLA''': "Yeah. A lot of time with your mom, like whatever you have left with her, that makes sense. Because, you know, you don't know how, how long she has left so you just wanna, you just don't want her to be lonely or anything, right?"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah, obviously. But yeah, still uh, would want somebody who was younger than, who is younger or close to my age, obviously, I don't know, maybe."

'''BELLA''': "You don't want anyone who's younger?"

'''CHRIS''': "Um, not too many, not too many other at this, at this time. But, I mean, obviously uh, with my affirmations on, on attracting my twin flame, we, we proceed towards it more slowly."

'''BELLA''': "Mhm. Sorry, I'm tuning (?) the volume, for my, I can't, I have a really bad ear because I just, I got sick, like, you can hear it in my voice. Itís hard to hear anything at all. But I can hear you now. Go ahead."

'''CHRIS''': "Alright. So anyway, um, every -- with the, with the events and everything and I was feeling like, I really needed a sexual release, and..."

'''BELLA''': "Mhm."

'''CHRIS''': "Not too many, not too many individuals on this side of the iron curtain were coming up to plate (?) right, right down there, so..."

'''BELLA''': "Right."

'''CHRIS''': "And then the everything was coming into good alignment and it was good [inaudible] Emmanuel, you know, God. Just said that it was okay and managed to guide me towards..."

'''BELLA''': "God said this was okay? Yeah, then you don't have anything to worry about if God himself said 'This is fine.'"

'''CHRIS''': "Yeah. And uh, so yeah. I gave it a lot of thought myself and I was like 'Okay, so I'll take a dive for it,' so..."

'''BELLA''': "But how did this happen? How did this come about?"

'''CHRIS''': "Well, among which just mainly I'm just, really, really horny and I needed a true and honest, uh, relationship to come about, so... Obviously, this was one of the best way to do it despite it being with uh... I don't want to believe in labels at all but I mean obviously..."
}}

===Third leak===
Uploaded by Bella's friend Ternary Mercury. Later deleted, but a copy was archived at Kiwi Farms.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/incest-call-unedited-15-minute-version.96719/post-9591061</ref>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Incest Discussion
| video = {{#evu:https://archive.org/details/2397812-e-4f-7d-22193ee-32019a-95f-417748c-7d-10}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| stardate = 28 July 2021 (leaked 31 [[July 2021]])
| saga = {{Incest|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|
'''CHRIS''': Uhm, so yeah, she's got a really...sens-se g-bot-c-spot, because apparently I don't believe her, idonbelieve he could, Mr. C, any of her past boyfriends and husbands, they haven't really reached, err, hit her G-spot really-

'''BELLA''': [Interrupts Chris] Right.

'''CHRIS''': -with their dicks.

'''BELLA''': Right.

'''CHRIS''': They haven't, they ha-they wer-were focused on-

'''BELLA''': [Loud cough]

'''CHRIS''': -pleasurin' themselves really, as opposed to focusing on her, which that's my focus.

'''BELLA''': Right...[Unintelligible, followed by an inhalation] true, um, for like the convention make sure to have a, a lot of fun ys-make sure to have a, y'know, especially with [the Suitress] have a lot of
fun with her, right? Because uh-

'''CHRIS''': [Interrupts Bella] Obviously.

'''BELLA''': -Yeah, because now you're doing this for your mom...yea-uh-make sure I'll be there, I'll be there watching us making sure that nobody is tryna-[Inhalation followed by a cough] sorry butmythroat [Another cough] nobody's
trying to hurt you, do anything, I'll take photos of you two, I'll have, I'll have just a screenshot y'know, like a slideshow of romantic stuff between you guys, uhm...you ar-though the dance will be awesome, we could take turns-

'''CHRIS''': [Interrupts Bella] Yeah.

'''BELLA''': -I'd like to dance with her too, and then you guys could take the slow dance and whatever, and uh-

'''CHRIS''': [Interrupts Bella] Yeah, we'll see wha-well we'll see what we can arrange, because she obv-she only has the hotel room for the friday night, and-

'''BELLA''': [Interrupts Chris] Right.

'''CHRIS''': -she will want to get home as-get home as quickly as possible as she's already make that agreement with her parents, and I don't wanna-

'''BELLA''': [Loud cough, talks over Chris] Yeah, her mom is pretty strict about it, yeah...[Supressed cough]

'''CHRIS''': -yeah, but I mean obviously if uh, if uh she ends obviously she is likely to uh, head back home ''before'' the [[BronyCon_2017#Dancing_with_Magi-Chan|Grand Galloping Gala]]-

'''BELLA''': Oh, is she? Oh, no! I wanted to- I wanted to dance with her! Because I thought it'd be- Because I thought it'd be so cute! Because- since I'm there to protect you guys, right?
I obviously, I'm gonna be enjoying the festivities with you two, but I wanted to take like um, I wanted to make a uh oh like slideshow, and like memory thingy. Of you guys together.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah well and all the other [Unintelligible]-

'''BELLA''': [Interrupts Chris] Yeah!

'''CHRIS''': -[Unintelligible] paying for the convention as well.

'''BELLA''': But how are you feeling, Christine? How are you feeling? Because I know there's a lot of societal pressure on you about like um, this thing with Barbara.
A lot of societal pressure and a lot of people, you know, consciously who judge, like would judge, and you know, there is a lot of eyes on you. It must be very stressful.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, it is.

'''BELLA''': Yeah, I can imagine. I'm so sorry about all that stuff, yeah.

'''CHRIS''': Well, still [inaudible] we still have Magi-chan and Cryzel to dance with.

'''BELLA''': You always have --

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''BELLA''': I- I- I appreciate that you like um, the idea of um, open relationships, right?
But, if, uh, [the Suitress] really wants to like, commit and settle down with you would you take that seriously and stop having open relationships?

'''CHRIS''': Well, I- I would consider... I really would wish I could consider [Bella coughs] I did, obviously.

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''BELLA''': What if, uhm [Cough] in like ten years, after she's done with college, and you still have a good relationship, and she's grown to be a beautiful woman, and y'know, everything, she says,
Christine, I really really really want to settle down with you. I love you from the bottom of my heart. What would you do?

'''CHRIS''': Well, okay well, after she's done with college and she's got herself organized, uh, on the highly highly unlikely event... for this timeline that she ''doesn't'' meet her long-term sweetheart-

'''BELLA''': Right.

'''CHRIS''': -who will be better for her, then I would definitely be up for considering.

'''BELLA''': Why do you think that she has somebody else that's better for her?

'''CHRIS''': Well, I mean, I can't reveal too many details, I just, um, can only say that- say that she's got...

'''BELLA''': Oh, is this some kind of psychic thingie? Did you look into the future?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, that's-

'''BELLA''': Oh, okay.

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''CHRIS''': Incest fanfics that come true and shit.

'''BELLA''': I didn't even know there was such a thing! I didn't even know there was incest fanficsh- were there about you and Barbara? I can't believe that. I didn't even think that I- I knew that you guys had a good ''relationship'', but I always thought- 'cause I'm not huge on Christory, and y'know, whatever, I just thought that the whole Sonichu franchise was very interesting, and that's how I- I got into you when I was younger, right? But I had- I didn't have any idea that Barbara was, um, that Barbara and you had that sort of relationship. I never got any of those, uh, vibes. But, um, how did you approach her?

'''CHRIS''': [''stress sigh''] I approached her with care and caution. And... it was a timed approach. So I just, gave her comfort, to talked with her, and we just branched out slow and steady, and that night I encouraged her positively, let ''her'' make the first move, 'cause she wanted to do it an'...

'''BELLA''': [Interrupts chris] Oh, she did? Really? She made the first move?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah.

'''BELLA''': Oh. Oh, really? Wow, ''Barbara'', ha ha! How- how did she do, if you don't mind me asking? What was the first move?

'''CHRIS''': [''stress sigh''] Uh, I don't remember exact- well, that was her first move but my approach was... Hm. Well, I forgot exactly what it- what terminology approach I used but, care and caution.

'''BELLA''': That's good.

'''CHRIS''': And I was... I was most, I was direct and upfront with her for the most part.

'''BELLA''': That's good. And how did she respond when you, uh, when you, um, approached her? What did she say?

'''CHRIS''': I don't, I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was kind of, I think, she was [[Rape|partially confused]] at one point but, but then she came around, obviously, with the more approaching, with the more approaching that I was doing with her along the way.

'''BELLA''': Right, so she... so she got into it. How was the first kiss? You kissed her? How did that feel? Having known this woman for your whole life, how did that feel?

'''CHRIS''': Oh, yeah, I mean, it was simple, uh, lip, lip lock, lip-to-lip kiss, but yeah. It was actually good. It felt right.

'''BELLA''': When did you start having feelings for Barbara?

'''CHRIS''': Well, obviously for, well, for a long time, I mean, I remember even mentioning some time ago in one of my videos that I even had dreams where I had, I had sex with her, obviously. So...

'''BELLA''': Really, yeah? Is that, um, I- I- I've heard of- I don't know what it is, per, uh, per se, but, is that what Oh-dipus complex is called, is when, uh, um, is when, you like your mother? Is that what it's called, I don't know what it means, though, I just thought, I thought, I just thought might be.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, the uh, that's right, the {{w|Oedipus complex}}.

'''BELLA''': Oh, Oedipus, that's right, yeah. Yeah, that's right, ennh... how, how if you don't mind me asking it, I know it's probably personal, you don't have to ''answer'', but... how is the sex?

'''CHRIS''': Uh, I'd say it was satisfactory, it took a while, took a few tries to...

'''BELLA''': It took a few tries? Yeah... she is o- she is ''older''...

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, plus, uh, also she's very understanding about the whole thing as well, I was direct with her, still direct and honest with her, made sure that I, yeah, obviously, I'm never gonna propose marriage to her at all 'cause we're already daughter and... mom...

'''BELLA''': Yeah, mother and daughter. You know, they say there's no, there's no stronger bond than a mother and her daughter.

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''BELLA''': Sorry?

'''CHRIS''': We've been doing it every third night, and the first night being on June 27th.

'''BELLA''': Oh, you have a routine? Huh.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah.

'''BELLA''': Well, at least you have a stable, you have a stable relationship because you know it's not going to end if anything happened. You'd still be, you'd still be, you know, you'd still be mother and daughter. It's not going to like, be an explosive break up, right? That's, at least that's comforting.

'''CHRIS''': Yeah.

'''BELLA''': Yeah. So you said since June, June?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah it, It took us a few nights to, it took us a few nights to figure, figure out what made, what felt right and what didn't feel right, and...

'''BELLA''': Does your mother enjoy it?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah. She's having, yeah she's having a good time, literally.

'''BELLA''': She is? She's having a good time?

'''CHRIS''': She'll -- Yes, sh -- well, we're, we figured it out.

'''BELLA''': That's great to hear. Do you guys act more like mother and daughter, or do you guys act more like, you know, lovers, when.... Like say, you come home from, you know, the supermarket and you see Barbara. Uh, would you say 'Hey sweetheart' or do you say 'Hi mom?'

'''CHRIS''': Yeah I'm, I'm, I haven't called her 'mom' in quite some time now.

'''BELLA''': Oh, really?

'''CHRIS''': So, yeah, I'm, I'm more often calling her 'love' at this point.

'''BELLA''': But you recently started dating the Suitress, isn't that, that's true, right? An open relationship?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah it, it's, it's, yeah between Barbara and I it is an open relationship and I made that very clear with her.

'''BELLA''': Right. Is Barbara dating anybody else?

'''CHRIS''': Well, uh, she's not.

'''BELLA''': No? But she's fine with you dating other people, right?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, she's okay.

'''BELLA''': Do you guys go on any dates or anything romantic like that?

'''CHRIS''': Mm, well, I'll be, well not anything extravagant but we do, uh, as often as possible, eat at the dinner table together.

'''BELLA''': Yeah.

'''CHRIS''': We haven't been able to picnic much lately because I've had to switch to a soup diet becau -- after getting the crown...

'''BELLA''': Uh-huh.

'''CHRIS''': ...my tooth.

'''BELLA''': Oh, did you?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah. It feels right to remember her inner child [inaudible].

'''BELLA''': Right. That's true, yeah.

'''CHRIS''': [inaudible] As well. But I, but I'm encouraging her towards the possibi-, towards the positives and, you know, be my homemaker.

'''BELLA''': Yeah. Yeah knowing, knowing you Christine, I think that, uh, because you, I, I know, I noticed that she was mature, you know, and she's mature and she's wise. She's wise in her ways and um, you know, she has experience and she loves you, and you two have a great relationship. But wouldn't you want somebody who's younger? Right? To keep up more with your energy?

'''CHRIS''': Obviously.

'''CHRIS''': Uh, yeah, obviously, but, y'know, obviously, if I could find some...

'''BELLA''': There's [the Suitress]! [The Suitress]'s very interested in you! [The Suitress]- yeah, [The Suitress]'s very interested in you! She's a super-girl. Yeah.

'''CHRIS''': I have foreseen- I have lived in the future, and I know she's gonna find her better, long-term sweetheart.

'''BELLA''': [The Suitress]?

'''CHRIS''': On campus.

'''BELLA''': Are you sure?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah.

'''BELLA''': Because [the Suitress]- [the Suitress] talks to me, saying how great you are, and how much she loves you, right? Maybe 'cause the future can change, with fate?

'''CHRIS''': Um, it's a possibility, but it's-

'''BELLA''': Why don't you try for her? Because- y'know- 'cause [stammers] [the Suitress] consented [?] to having an open relationship, right? I'm sure she's- you're fine, with, uh, both of them now. But, over time, [the Suitress] really, really, really adores you. And she's a wonderful girl. I text her a lot, we chat. We, um- She has never said a single negative thing about you. She- She adores you, like, and- She'll be more open to stuff like, you know, having spa days, getting pizza, going out together, you know, and, she's um, she's probably newer in the bedroom, but she's willing to do it. She's willing to have fun with you.

'''CHRIS''': Yes, I agree. And I appreciate all that, yeah, I'm making the uh, short time, as a short time, count, as best as I can with her.

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''BELLA''': And plus, she's young! She has a lot of time to, um, she has a lot of time to travel, visit you, I mean- You've done long distance before, haven't you?

'''CHRIS''': Uh, yeah, a long-distance relationships, but- [''Bella coughs loudly'']

'''BELLA''': Oh, yeah, they suck. I know they suck, but what's important is that you make, uh, you make a relationship with her now, and that way, it'll stay, like, forever! And she'll come back to you, like she'll come back to you, I'm sure!

'''CHRIS''': Yes, it is a possibility, but I am more- I am more open. I'm thinking more on the higher-likelihood outcomes for this timeline, obviously-

'''BELLA''': I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get adjusted-

[''Cut in the audio.'']

'''BELLA''': Yeah. A lot of time with your mom, like whatever you have left with her, that makes sense. Because, you know, you don't know how, how long she has left so you just wanna, you just don't want her to be lonely or anything, right?

'''CHRIS''': Yeah, obviously. But yeah, still uh, would want somebody who was younger than, who is younger or close to my age, obviously, I don't know, maybe.

'''BELLA''': You don't want anyone who's younger?

'''CHRIS''': Um, not too many, not too many other at this, at this time. But, I mean, obviously uh, with my affirmations on, on attracting my twin flame, we, we proceed towards it more slowly.

'''BELLA''': Mhm. Sorry, I'm tuning the volume, for my, I can't, I have a really bad ear because I just, I got sick, like, you can hear it in my voice. It's hard to hear anything at all. But I can hear you now. Go ahead.

'''CHRIS''': Alright. So anyway, um, every -- with the, with the events and everything and I was feeling like, I really needed a sexual release, and...

'''BELLA''': Mhm.

'''CHRIS''': Not too many, not too many individuals on this side of the iron curtain were coming up to play right, right down there, so...

'''BELLA''': Right.

'''CHRIS''': And then the everything was coming into good alignment and it was good [inaudible] Emmanuel, you know, God. [[Chris_and_his_ego|Just said that it was okay and managed to guide me towards]]...

'''BELLA''': God said this was okay? Yeah, then you don't have anything to worry about if God himself said 'This is fine.'

'''CHRIS''': Yeah. And uh, so yeah. I gave it a lot of thought myself and I was like 'Okay, so I'll take a dive for it,' so...

'''BELLA''': But how did this happen? How did this come about?

'''CHRIS''': Well, among which just mainly I'm just, really, really horny and I needed a [[Honest_Content#True_and_Honest|true and honest]], uh, relationship to come about, so... Obviously, this was one of the best way to do it despite it being with uh... I don't want to believe in labels at all but I mean obviously...
}}

==See also==
*[[Incest fallout chat leaks]]
*[[PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!]]

{{Notes}}

==References==
<references/>
{{IncestSaga}}
{{FanChats}}

Date with Emily

2022-08-17T22:22:17Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29) */ fixed transcript

[[Image:Emily date.png|thumb|250px|Bob, Chris, and Emily (face censored) at the food court.]]

On 19 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on '''his first [[dating|date]] ever''', with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

Chris brought his father [[Bob]] along for the date. Amusingly, it is Bob who leads much of the conversations throughout; he and Emily share interesting, lengthy discussions about his past, his retirement, and other life aspects, with Chris relegated to trying to interrupt. An hour or so later, Emily and Chris leave on their own, and it is at that point where [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]] spirits her away from Chris.

==Summary==
* The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], wire Emily with a microphone and run a mic check.
* Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
* Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
* Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt on multiple occasions, and fails every single time.
* Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
* Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
* Bob points out that Chris doesn't pay that much attention to him, Chris struggles to find an explanation for why.
* Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
* Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
* Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
* Bob goes back to his health problems.
* Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
* Chris flirts.
* Chris fails at flirting.
* Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
* Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
* Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
* Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
* Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
* Emily attempts to escape.
* The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle Man]] arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]." A random passerby stops to complement Pickle Man's costume while Chris tries to explain that he was being haunted by the former.
* Pickle Man suggests that all three go to watch ''Watchmen''; Chris expresses hesitance and apprehension while Emily agrees with the idea, much to Chris's protests.
* Chris gives up trying to make any sort of defense against the Pickle Man's logic.
* Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
* Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily''' - Queen of [[trolls]], she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man''' – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris''' – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob''' – [[Robert Chandler]], the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack. Possible love interest to Emily, though he is apparently nothing more than a slave to Chris.

==Video==
This short clip contains the only footage known to exist.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|kaLvsLHTsOw}}</center>

===Date audio===
<center>{{#ev:youtube|n0mLPSHWdZc}}</center>

==Transcript==
=== Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13) ===
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a [[Butt garments|thong]]? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic [[China|vagina]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my [[Sex toys|vibrator]]."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are [[Obesity|Barb candidates]] ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no [[Barb]]; if there ''is'' Barb, I will [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit myself]].

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in [[Clyde]]'s playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']

'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [''inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response'']

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of [[Chick-fil-A]], so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a [[Pickle|penis]].

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like [[Wikipedia:Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|Hamster Girl]]… at [[Coffee Place|Starbucks]].

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' Shut up!

'''Emily:''' [''startled''] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [''inaudible''] jacket.

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [''jokingly''] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [''unintelligible''] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [''inaudibly interrupted''] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [''unintelligible''] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)===

[''Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.'']

===Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello. [pause] I've started [[Rosechu|shopping]] a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [''abruptly''] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' [[Autism|Cute hat!]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|University of West Virginia]]. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers [[Chris and English|never learn how to spell]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the [[Chris and camerawork|camera]].

'''Emily:''' [''disappointed''] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [''unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating''] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[''pause'']

===Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' [[Wikipedia:Transistor|transistors]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not all the solid-state stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had [[Wikipedia:Vacuum tube|vacuum tubes]]. I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in [[Pre-1980#1947|1947]]– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then. You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh- I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved [[music]], and I was in [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|the band]] and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too. And then, I went to Auburn, and then [''unintelligible''] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and reality|Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.]]

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh... at that point in time… Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, [[Wikipedia:General Electric|GE]] heard about it… and they came down to, I was in Winston-Salem, in North Carolina. And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [''unintelligible''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Intercontinental Ballistic Missile]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [''unintelligible'']" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [''unintelligible''] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had a plant there.

'''Bob:''' And… their plant specialized in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''[[Autism|logically]]-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [''unintelligible''] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone lines, warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: [[Homos|Bay Area]] Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. You know, like [[Wikipedia:Logic gate|the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… which is called [''inaudible''] that stands for- it's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented [[2000|Y2K]] pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and [[My Coke Rewards|cans]], and whatever. And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [''unintelligible''] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and [[Kimmi|stuff like that made out of plastic]]. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, [[Sex toys|Tupperware]].

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [''unintelligible''] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [''unintelligible''] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [''unintelligible''] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "[[cat]]" without a 'K' in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his accompliment- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]] outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these [[Autism|math people]]… I dunno.

===Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing [[money]].

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to [[PandaHalo|Australia]], and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to [[Anne Boleyn|England]]. ''Most'' people [''unintelligible''] to see 'em, but [''unintelligible''] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in [[Art|drawing]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At six, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on his computer: his [[Wikipedia:Commodore International|Commodore]] computer…

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [''reluctantly''] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "[[Sonichu Girls]]"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [''responding belatedly to Emily''] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [''unintelligible''] home. And one that's [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the [[Burger King]]… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about twenty years and raised [[Cole Smithey|her first son]]. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in [[Richmond]], and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as [[Wikipedia:The Brady Bunch|The Brady Bunch]]!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [''unintelligible'']. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [''dreamily/creepily''] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''[[Niggos|Satchmo']]'.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Louis Armstrong|Louis Armstrong]].

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill and Salvation Army]]…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [''feigning enthusiastic agreement''] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the [[1970s]], at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did [[Barbara|all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple [[Heart level|heart attacks]], and...

'''Emily:''' [''responding to Chris''] Yeah– [[Chris|for]] [[Burger King|a]] [[Barbara|reason]]!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|pacemaker]] now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a [[Wikipedia:Triple bypass|triple-bypass]] in [[1980]] when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in [[1992|'92]]… And I died a couple times that [''unintelligible''] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High]].

'''Emily:''' [''uninterested''] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother [[Biological clock|stay up all night]]… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[IRC|Internet chat]]! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [''suddenly concerned''] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''[[Heterochromia|green-blue]]''.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] might be blue...

===Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [''truly flustered''] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at [[Golden Corral]]. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth [[Cherokee]]!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't [[September 2011|my time]] yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm [[Obesity|a little hungry myself]]… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck impression]]''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, [[The Creepy Stare|we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "[[Niggos|Dark Temptation]]"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was [[Third date|hookin' up]], I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon|PGSM]]''… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a strange, baby-like voice''] You actually get to see ''[http://sailormoon.wikia.com/wiki/Usagi_Tsukino Usagi]''… [''back to his normal voice''] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of ''Sailor Moon''. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [''unintelligible''] entire [[anime]] series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:List of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars episodes|''Sailor Stars'']].

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the [[Silvana Rosechu|transsexuals]]?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the [[Tomgirl pictures|transsexuals]] and… the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Starlights|Sailor Starlights]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, [[Pedofork|little kids]]?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [''pitiful''] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [''in a British accent''] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''pause, laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s [[Julie|Jul]][[Kacey|ia]].

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[''pause'']

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|too expensive]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly [[Speech impediment|esstinct]], uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and WesterN SizzliN.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]]: the "Shoney Bear".

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a somewhat cutesy voice''] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|''slobber'' all over myself]]… Especially in front of my, uh, "[[Gal-pal|lady friend]]", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' [[Duck|Do ya need a little bit more?]] [long pause] You can deal ''without''…

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, [[Obesity|I take his breadsticks]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for, um,[[Wikipedia:Circuit City|Circuit City]] for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [''unintelligible''] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [''Chris comes back''] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [''a Dave Matthews Band [[parody|tribute]]'']

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it'']

'''Bob:''' The [[Burger King]] is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [''unintelligible''] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokémon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokémon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [''unintelligible''] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Ching Chong|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh-uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chesterfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from [[Wikipedia:Seoul|Seoul]], Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [''delayed pause''] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|my Bible]] that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from [[High School]].

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a [[Honor roll|King England- It's a King England Bible]].

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [''still quiet, hard to hear''] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [''unintelligible''], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spicy food]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, [[Wikipedia:Kimchi|kimchi]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [''sounding it out''] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special fork.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''something more about jalapeños, followed by silence''] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''silence'']

===Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[''hard to hear''] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at [[McDonald's]]-

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''[[Wikipedia:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our [[:File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|school newspaper]] and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [''unintelligible''] and one of them's called World News. [''says call sign''], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how [[Molvanîa|the rest of the world]] looks at [[United States of America|the U.S.]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or [[Molvanîa|Russia]] or [[China]] or in [[Anime|Japan]]-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' W.V.

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [''unintelligible''] you got a kid that's [[Autism|all wired up]], [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:''' ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [''apparently they were talking about him'']

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [''chimes in to correct, [[Autism|sounds a bit upset]]''] He's talking about ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [''unintelligible stuttering''] killed [[Wikipedia:Bowser|King Koopa]]. I can't get off of ''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi's Island|Yoshi's Island]]''.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I'm not very good at those games either. [''more laughing'']

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [''not a mistake'']

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like [[Wikipedia:Marcie|Margie]], doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''[[Peanuts]]'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs again'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [''cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily''] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like [[Wikipedia:Sailor Mars|Sailor Mars]], [''lame voice''] Flame Sniper!

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Chibi-Usa]]. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''apparently doing a horrendous impression of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Jupiter|Sailor Jupiter]]''] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|I don't gobble my food]] [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs''] [''unintelligible''] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on [[Chris and fashion|my favorite]] shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female [[Sonichu]] fan...

'''Emily:''' [''interrupts with a laugh''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ... have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... [[Duck|it's not very big]]. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chest'field County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [''???'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs over Bob'']

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [''inaudible''] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at [[Christmas]] time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [''inaudible''] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many [[stress|problems]] here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our [[Ruckersville]] home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around... [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February [[1998|'98]] issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the [[Books-A-Million]] I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, [[Toys|Toys "R" Us]], then uh [''inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they [[Banned|kicked me out]], uh, last... June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|that one time]] you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- [[GameStop]] gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''[[RuleCWC|Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your [[Sonichu Girls]]?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -[[Tomgirl|gender]], wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [[JERKS|All the other guys]] are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]]?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but [[Pedofork|you do like Shirley Temple a lot]].

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[Wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [''inaudible'']. [[Kacey|Flakey blondes]].

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... [[Women's rights|that's so stereotypical]]...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Wikipedia:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton]] also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [''pause''] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Britney Spears]] is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth Taylor|Liz Taylor]] then.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm nineteen.

'''Chris:''' Nineteen.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|crazy bear]] might come along and call you "Christian."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs''] What?

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named [[Wikipedia:Emily Dickinson|Emily]].

'''Chris:''' [[Virgin with rage|Emily Dickinson]]?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|I just slipped]]- [[Semen|it just came up]]. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [''pause''] [''Chris talks over her'']

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to [[McIntire Park|the park]]?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [''clears throat'']

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be ['inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [''inaudible''] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] go home and watch some [[Bionic|basketball]].

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[''inaudible''] the [[Wikipedia:National Collegiate Athletic Association|NCAA]].

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at [[Manchester High School]]'s varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[''P.A. system faintly in background'']

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About five-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young [''unintelligible''] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet [[Julie|somebody]] and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [''inaudible''] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had [[Wikipedia:American Automobile Association|AAA]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mother [''inaudible''] cross the street [''inaudible''] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [''unintelligible''] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [''inaudible''] [[money]]...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] he left-you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had forty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [''inaudible''] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible''] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called [[Wikipedia:Breezewood, Pennsylvania|Breezewood]].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''inaudible''] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got [[Pedo-Glasses|better eyesight]] than he does.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and [[David Alan Chandler|glaucoma]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing [[ModNation Racers|racing]], and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the [[Sonichu Adventure|adventures]] and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, [[Christmas]] break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Fort [''???''] [''inaudible''] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to [[Clyde Cash|New Jersey]]...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done [[Barbara|dumb things]] too.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy [[Honor roll|town called Jersey,]] I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [''unintelligible''] [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

Bob babbles on about sending something.

'''Emily:''' Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [''impatiently''] [[Rosechu|Clothes stores]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB [[Toys]] here and I- that's where I did my- ten thous- dol... [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes |my thousand dollar shopping spree]] I won, uh... back in, uh... the... Sonic, the Adventures- around the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might have remembered me talking about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [[DVD|I've seen-I've seen it.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

''Chris nervously takes a few steps.''

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Chris:''' You're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just pleasant- it's like… a character from ''PGSM'' or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm an all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [shameless subject change] So what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before- they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next [''unintelligible''] business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [''bravely''] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] [[Megan|I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' [[Megan|But, you know, not- but you know I'm respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-]]

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from ''[[Anime|InuYasha]]'' that… [''chucklingly''] always tries to [[Homos|go for the bum]].

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Miroku|Miroku]].

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch ''InuYasha''? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''Emily awkwardly walks several steps.'']

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where I met [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. I later found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' On her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [''emphatically''] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not... haven't been in touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Ever since she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, uh, y'know... sometimes I dream I'm back- [''unintelligible''] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see [[Megan]] and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [''slightly sarcastically''] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But you know, it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at. The- the toy store was around here in this neck of the woods…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… [[Women's rights|it's that time of the month]]…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [''steering the beast''] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)===
[[File:Pickleman emily.png|thumb|150px|The Pickleman makes his move.]]
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] pick you up right here? Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [''shocked''] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' You think…

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed up as a pickle?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [''turning to Emily''] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [''to Emily as they turn to leave together''] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [''he refers to the novel''], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [''answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind''] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs at Chris'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man'']

'''Emily:''' [''gloating''] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [''[[stress sigh]]s/grunts'']

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [''small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible''] …but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [''attempting to brush him off''] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''as they continue trying to walk away''] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [''to Pickle Man''] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [''suddenly concerned for Emily''] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [''dismissively''] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[''The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends...

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)===

[''There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.'']

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...[[Chris and fashion|very fashionable looking]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.'']

===A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [''inaudible''] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [''continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily'']

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''feigning cheerfulness''] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [''attempts to hug and kiss Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''tries to avoid Chris''] No…N-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Emily''] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

'''Emily:''' [''Overlaps with Chris''] N-no... no thank you! [''nervous laughter''] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [''gives up''] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[''Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.'']

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]!

[''There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughing''] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [''inaudible''] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [''inaudible''] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughing, says something about Clyde Cash'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [''presumably walking to see Frosty''] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download/cp60dr0bpnwt6g6/Operation+Picklesuit+VIRGINia.wav Full audio]
* [https://archive.org/details/operation-picklesuit-virginia The Full Audio on the Internet Archive]

{{EmilySaga}}
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Kacey Call 1

2022-08-16T13:02:03Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}

'''Kacey Call 1''' is the first [[Kacey calls|call]] that [[Solid Chris]] had with [[Kacey]], which took place on 3 [[August 2009]].

On that very day, Solid Chris called [[Kacey]] while attempting to impersonate [[Liquid Chris]], and described how he would pleasure her. Hilarity and fail ensues. Most of the call, Chris forgets he's pretending to be Liquid, but Kacey, quickly knowing that this isn't the [[TRUE and HONEST]] CWC, manages to play along.

==Summary==
• Throughout the entire call, Solid Chris (badly) impersonates Liquid Chris.
• Most of the conversation is Chris trying to guess answers to Kacey's questions. 
• Kacey says Chris's singing makes her horny, so Chris [[Chris and music|keeps trying to sing]] every few minutes.
• Chris really wants Kacey to come to [[14 Branchland Court|14BC]].
• Kacey asks Chris about their first time having sex; Chris, [[Virgin with Rage|being Chris]], tries to bullshit his way through.
• BDSM phone sex ensues. Also, Chris wants to cum on Kacey's tits and then lick the cum off her.
• Solid Chris keeps complimenting himself to look better in the eyes of Kacey.
• It is revealed Chris was born in Washington Jefferson hospital.
• Solid gives [[Kim Wilson]]'s information to Kacey so she can find out more about him.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|M0nDyBBgsRo}}
| Stardate = August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Kacey Call 1.5]]
}} </center>
{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep [[Chris and sex|bangin']] your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my [[comeuppance]]!... And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna [[Homos|lick it]] off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, not being creepy or fucked-up whatsoever}}

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey honey! Oh my god, it's so good to hear your voice again; it's me, Kacey! How are you?

'''Chris:''' Hey Kayce! I'm good. You sound like it's goin' good. ['''Kacey:''' overlaps: "Ah, I love when you call me that!"]

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, I'm so happy cuz I got to talk to you! I missed you all day today. It sucked being in school. I can't believe it's almost finals.

'''Chris:''' Aww, yeah, I know, summer finals, right?

'''Kacey:''' I know, I don't know why I did summer session, it's just... I don't know. You know that I'm really, ''really'' into intelligent guys; which is why I love you. And I've, you know, gotta do the same. So how's school for you? ['''Chris:''' overlaps: "Aaahhh..."]

'''Chris:''' Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the [[Sonichu 9|dating episode]]; it is ''fantastic''.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's cool, but what does that have to do with school?

'''Chris:''' ...Uh, you know, the [[comic|comics]], so I just... I felt like finishing it up, so I finished it...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, I get what you're saying! Oh, that is so cool!

'''Chris:''' The dating education episode. It's on the [[CWCipedia]].

'''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. I'm gonna have to check it out, because, you know, that is of course what led me to you in the first place. ['''Chris:''' overlaps: "Oh, yeah."] But, um, what about actual school? 'Cuz I know you had classes today too!

'''Chris:''' Ohhh, yeah... Oh, yeah, they were very tough on me, but, I felt like I take a break, finish up my comic work, and get that outta the way, y'know?

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I get what you're saying; you're gonna do everything tomorrow, well, that... that's so cool of you, I mean, at least you're being serious about it, but you're not being ''too'' serious. So, um, when are your finals? Are they next week, too?

'''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, only got... I only got one to go, y'know? One more test to go, and then I'm done.

'''Kacey:''' Oh god, you're so lucky, cuz my finals, like, they don't even start 'til next week, so... Which one's your last one again? I can't remember, I'm ''[laughs]'' sorry.

'''Chris:''' ...I'm sorry, what was that question? I didn't quite understand it.

'''Kacey:''' Sorry. ''[laughs]'' You know I talk fast 'cuz I'm so excited to be talking to you. Um, so-

'''Chris:''' It's all right.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' So which one's your last final? I totally forgot.

'''Chris:''' Which one's my last, uh, fina- my last final?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, is it the same one, you know, that same class we have together?

'''Chris:''' Aaahhh... No, it's not, no, it's not that one... Uuhhh... I'm trying to think of the name. I'm trying to think of it... Um... Oh, yeah, it's the one where I'm doing, uh... It's the one where, uh... working with, uh, I think it's... I think I'm working in Photoshop, something like that, with the... ahh, so much going on in my head right now...

'''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, it's your...databasing and, uh, computer graphics class! Oh, that's right!

'''Chris:''' Yes! My computer graphics class. Yes, that's it.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. God, and, I've seen some of your work since you sent it to me, and lemme just tell you, you are ''so'' frickin' amazing, like, I cannot ''wait'' to see you this weekend.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got [[Wikipedia:MapQuest|MapQuest]] to come all the way over?

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I've got a GPS system, you know that, sweetie!

''[Chris and Kacey both stammer a bit]''

'''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Oh, that's right, you told me about the GPS! I totally forgot!

'''Kacey:''' I got it for my birthday this year, remember? So, um... yeah, I've already got it plugged in, and... it's gonna be so much fun, so... do you remember our last time together, you know, our, uh, our third date? ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Ah, [[Third date|date number three]]... mmm... oh, I've been so busy with, uh, with studying for the finals. It's just that so much of the details are plaguing my mind at the moment!

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I know. But it was so magical. I have never, ever been with someone so sensual, and just so in tune to me. I can NOT wait to see you again. So maybe you can give me a sneak preview of what you're going to do the next time I see you?

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna rock your world, baby.

'''Kacey:''' ''[laughing]'' Oh, Chris, you are so hot. God, I don't know how you do it. So stop teasing me, you've gotta give me more.

'''Chris:''' It- It just comes natural to me, I guess. I got a deep sensual voice, you know. I definitely got the {{w|Bing Crosby}} tune, baby, you know I been raised on [[music]]! My dad was a technical engineer! Got all them patents and everything!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! I love it when you talk like that! God, so, you know when [[SingStar Challenge Round 2|you sang Fresh Prince]] today, you know I looove that. Oh my God, like you know that white boy rap? Oh my God. You were amazing, almost as amazing as last time I saw you.

'''Chris:''' Aw yeah, before that, yeah. Y'know I'm into hippin'- I'm hippin' to soo many hippin' tunes right now. But you know, I like to just... uh, sometimes I like to look back, at my favorite hits and just uh, listen to them you know? Ah, you know I definitely did like [[Sonic]] Boom and Don't Say You Love Me, too bad- ah, too bad I got beaten to the punch on those. Uh yeah...

'''Kacey:''' God, I know, I was so hoping you would do something like that. I mean, maybe you could do {{w|*NSYNC}} next? I love [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special|"Tearin' Up My Heart"]]. Could you do that one for me?

'''Chris:''' I got bears- you know what? - I got bears- I got a better song I'm planning on next one. Uh, here's a little preview. Hang on.

'''Kacey:''' Awesome. AWESOME. Thank you! ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Hang on. Hang on. Hush-hush-hush!

'''Kacey:''' Aww.

'''Chris:''' ''[shouts]'' [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|YOU GOT THE TOUCH. YOU GOT THE POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, YEAH!]]

'''Kacey:''' Oh Chris. Your voice... well, you know what it does to me. It gets me so hot.

'''Chris:''' Ohhhh yeah.

'''Kacey:''' So tell me how much you like when I get hot.

'''Chris:''' Oohhhh, I'm lovin' it.

'''Kacey:''' What are you gonna do to me Chris? I mean, love songs are wonderful, I know you've got lots of ideas in your head.

'''Chris:''' It'll be like the first time all over again, girl. You know I enjoyed the first time.

'''Kacey:''' I know, just the way you looked at me-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I'd like ta, I'd like ta, I'm definitely gonna try to repeat the encore, repeat as best as I can, you know. You know, to the best of my memory, even though I been messin' up stuff for the finals and whatevurrr, so...

'''Kacey:''' So did you remember what I wanted you to do next time?

'''Chris:''' Aww... shoot.

'''Kacey:''' Chris, how could you forget!

'''Chris:''' Oh, you know... lemme take a guess, lemme take a guess! Uh, you want me to caress your breasts?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, that's one of them, but I wanted to do something a little more adventurous! I can't believe you forgot, you seemed so excited!

'''Chris:''' ''[in a high-pitched whine]'' OH YEAH I'M SO EXCITED! I just can't hide it.

'''Kacey:''' I guess I'll forgive you this time, but I totally, absolutely wanted you to tie me up and let me be at your mercy. I mean doesn't that sound awesome?

'''Chris:''' AWW YEAH THAT DOES SOUND FUCKIN' AWESOME.

'''Kacey:''' Ok well since I told you that you have to tell me what you're gonna do to me because come on, you know I love it when you talk dirty to me.

'''Chris:''' Aww, talk dirty to me! Duh-duh.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, god. Please do.

'''Chris:''' Mmmmmmm... oh yeah.

'''Kacey:''' Do it for me, your sweet little Kacey-kase.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. I gonna... you just gonna love this. You uh, I'll be showin', I'll be presentin' myself to you, you'll be lovin' my [[duck|dick]], it's so big and all that you know, and you just, I'll be puttin' it, between your tits while you're all TIED UUUP!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God that sounds so good! Like, I'm like crying because it sounds so wonderful! Keep telling me more!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm just going to get that girl...

'''Kacey:''' I'm actually starting to touch my tits right now, so keep telling me more. Keep telling me more.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my [[comeuppance]]!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I can't wait to lick it off. I'm gonna be so, so hot. This is the Chris I know and love. Thank you!

'''Chris:''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue-sharing MOMENT!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, you know I love shotgunning like that. God Chris, you're even a little spicier than last time. What's gotten into you?

'''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' VANILLA HOT HOT SPICY BABY.

'''Kacey:''' So Chris... um, so what are you doing right now, y'know, are you uh, doing the same thing?

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, you know... yeah, I'm just I'm... yeah, I'm getting turned on. I'm just rubbing myself thinking about it!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! It's gonna be so much better when I'm really there, though. I can't wait to see you, I can't believe I'm actually going to go to your house, and be with you and it's gonna be awesome.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. You know it, girl. You know it so well.

'''Kacey:''' And I mean, I just can't help getting hot thinking again about all your music videos, just... oh my gosh, I remember so much better than I poss-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupting to mangle REO Speedwagon while Kacey giggles]'' You can't fight that feeling anymore... I've forgotten what I started fighting for... it's just so much listen to the shore... and I can't fight this feeling anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, well, you know I hate to spoil the mood, but I mean you're just so much better than that brown-shirted... or that shirted impostor. I mean, I love your brown shirts way more.

'''Chris:''' Mmm...

'''Kacey:''' Sorry, I'm getting so confused right now, because I'm just so hot right now. I'm so glad you-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' Yeah, but you know I actually do have a red, white and blue-striped shirt ''in'' my closet.

'''Kacey:'''You do? Why don't you wear it then? I mean, I guess that would make you too much like the impostor.

'''Chris:''' I don't know, because you know... just been trying to separate myself from the impostor I guess, I mean red, white and blue, you know, was my original roots, I mean look at back in the early pages of my books! Red, white and blue all the way, girl!

'''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Well...

'''Chris:''' ''[plows on]'' I just had to separate myself from the impostor somehow. And you know how I rapped the [[PaRappa contest]]? I wore an orange shirt then, girl.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, I guess... okay, well I mean, just that impostor, I know he's really, really, really getting to you.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he's been getting to me. Giving me... wracking at my NERVES! ''[tard rage]'' Just really turning me... urgh! Making me so angry!

'''Kacey:''' God I know, he pisses me off too. I can't believe he's trying to be you when you're just so much sexier, hotter... ''[Chris overlapping: Yeah, yeah]'' I mean, his voice doesn't even sound like yours!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I mean, can you believe him? I mean he just looks so... aw shoot, what's the word I'm trying think of... oh yeah, he looks so soph-moric!

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, he does, I, I guess, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean the impostor looks like he's got to be about 13 or 15, does not have the diploma or the degrees, OR the certificate I had from the waterboy on the [[Manchester High School#Go Lancers!|varsity basketball team]] during my freshman year!

'''Kacey:''' Right, um... what are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' Aw, I'm just on a roll here, you know. I'm just trying- I'm just trying to- I've been-

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' I mean, 'cause-

'''Chris:''' One five minute note or you know... ah, he's telling me history or like um... I got my truths, you know. He's just bringing me all the counter-evidence and I've got to fight back with the real deal.

'''Kacey:''' Oh oh, you mean when he was trying to duel you in [[Spanish]] and he showed that fake certificate with a fake [[Sonichu]] picture. Oh oh, okay, I get it, 'cause you were confusing me for a minute there, at first I thought that you were suggesting that you were the fat impostor, and you know, I was getting worried for a minute there.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, you... well, I don't know about this and that but I tell you what... you are definitely talking to the real deal, baby. You know I'm going to ROCK YOUR WORLD.

'''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Yeah, you totally, totally are. I mean, like you said, next time we're going to try the strap-ons, and I can't wait for that!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Let's do it after this, after this, after this one time, the first time this weekend, y'know... yeah, tie me down...

'''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' Oh right, like start out slow like that and... oh yeah, I get it, y'know... do you dominant first, then me dominant... I gotcha! ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah.

'''Kacey:''' I mean, I know you said you couldn't wait... but I could do it for you Chris, definitely for you.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[voice gets high pitched]'' OH YEAH!

'''Kacey:''' You know baby, I might skip school tomorrow and head down tomorrow, how does that sound?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Tomorrow... hmm.

'''Kacey:''' I mean, finals are until next week, I can skip this week if you want me to spend the whole week with you, get a little good-luck lovin', you know?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Oh yeah, that sounds good, that sounds... yeah, that sounds very good. Mmm. So what time do you think you could be at my place?

'''Kacey:''' Well, let's see, you're only an hour and a half away, so six p.m. maybe?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. six p.m... mmm. Yeah, that sounds do-able. Six p.m.!

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Do-able, just like me, right?

'''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' DO-ABLE BABY!

'''Kacey:''' Can you cook me something for dinner, something delicious?

'''Chris:''' Uuurgh.

'''Kacey:''' And maybe afterwards a [[guitar]] serenade? You know, cause your songs put me in the mood. That's all I want, I want a delicious dinner and a guitar serenade where you sing, you know that last song you sung me just like last time, can you please repeat it for me? Can you at least sing a little bit right now?

'''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Hmmm, hang on a minute let me a minute, let me reflect in my memory here. My well audiograped memory my father entrusted me with well by teaching me so much music.

'''Kacey:''' Of course! ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[sings]'' [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! IT'S TRUE!]]

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''No, no, not the one you sang for the impostor, the one you sang for me on our last date.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry...

'''Kacey:''' I know, it's easy to get confused.

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]''Yeah, I'm kind of a little bit confused myself, it's been a long day.

'''Kacey:''' Aw, I know, I know. I mean, you're doing so well since, you know, considering what you're majoring in and everything.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah! [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]]!

'''Kacey:''' Did you change your major? What?

'''Chris:''' No, that's BEEN my major.

''[long pause]''

'''Kacey:''' ...Okay.

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' That's my major, Computer Aided Drafting and Design.

'''Kacey:''' Oh... that's, uh, weird. But anyway, what are you gonna cook for me? You know, for the date?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Hm, I could definitely whip up a, uh, pretty good stew for you.

'''Kacey:''' Oooh, a stew, what type of stew?

'''Chris:''' Oh you know, with the tomatoes and the vegetables and the whatnot.

'''Kacey:''' You know, I thought you were a little more ambitious than that. I mean, stew sounds good still, but isn't that better maybe for a winter getaway?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' How about you make my favorite? I told you about my favorite the other day, can you make it?

'''Chris:''' ''[mumbling]'' Umm...your favorite..uhh...your favorite, your favorite. Uhh. Boy I wore myself out getting excited and I can't even remember too clearly.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That was my fault, I'm so sorry! But you know, talking to you, just makes me want to, you know. ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' YEAH.

'''Kacey:''' But it's just chicken risotto, so will you be able to do that for me?

'''Chris:''' Risotto's...

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, maybe make a little video of you making it for me so that, uh, I can see how much love and awesomeness you're putting into it.

'''Chris:''' Uhh...I don't know if, I don't know if I mean, to make it, to have a video up in the amount of time before you get here, but I would definitely cook you a risotto.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, awesome. So anyway, I like what you said to that impostor about him not having a [[sweetheart]], because I mean, if he had a sweetheart he really would, you know, make her a judge, don't you think? Because if you didn't make me a judge I would have been so pissed off. So I mean, what do you think about that?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... I'm sorry, you got me confused there, could you start from the beginning and go slow please?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah! Oh, sorry, sorry, I just got so excited talking to you. ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' It's okay.

'''Kacey:''' So, um, you know how you told the impostor? The impostor doesn't have a heartsweet on his judge's panel. Do you think that's because he doesn't have one?

'''Chris:''' Hmm... oh yeah, that's, that's very likely but you know, I did realize that I apparently did take observation and notice, that actually one of them is a uh, is a real-life close gal-pal by the name of, uh, I think [[Kim Wilson]]?

'''Kacey:''' Oh, he's-you think he has a girlfriend named Kim Wilson? How do you know that? You are so awesome!

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I know I'm awesome. ''[laughs]'' Yeah but yeah no, I've just been hearing news talk between, you know, here and there and the [[fanbase]], yadda yadda yadda. No, but they're just basically, they're just friends. Besides, I heard that Kim has been together with this tough dude named, uh, Logan, and they have two German shepherds.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I love German shepherds, but, um-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' ARF!

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' But, um, would that mean that you still like her, though? I mean-

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh no no no no...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Er, HE likes her?

''[Pause]''

'''Chris:''' Uh, uh no no no. No, they've always been friends. I mean, you know, he had to know why though because she was already taken, in order to establish like guys do, to actually be with her or not, you know.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you know, the impostor's never gonna get anyone anyway, he's not as awesome as you. You know, I just fell for you right off the bat. I mean, he's just such a fatty and you're thin and you're hot, and your [[medallion]] is so much better.

'''Chris:''' ...Oh yes. Nothing like the real deal.

'''Kacey:''' And your flowing locks, I mean, come on. What's with that [[hair|haircut]]?

'''Chris:''' Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' You're gonna get your mom to cut your hair? Oh Chris, oh you, I get it, you're joking. You're so funny.

'''Chris:''' Oh...I might be, but then again I might be serious, you never know.

'''Kacey:''' Well you are full of surprises.

'''Chris:''' ''[shouting]'' I AM FULL OF SURPRISES! ''[pause]'' I am full of surprises, woman, you know me. I am full of surprises.

'''Kacey:''' I know you, I definitely, definitely know you. So tell me about some of these surprises. Spoil me, please.

'''Chris:''' ''[laughs]'' Ahh, okay. Hmm, surprises surprises..yes...well, you'll have to see my [[house]], it'll definitely look so much familiar to you...if you look anywhere on the internet you'll recognize my house.

'''Kacey:''' Oh my god, it's just gonna say you. It's just gonna say "[[Christian Weston Chandler]]", right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry...

'''Kacey:''' You know, figuratively?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the house pretty much screams Christian Weston Chandler. You know my [[car]] has a license plate that says "SONICHU" on it.

'''Kacey:''' Does it? Wow, that's so funny because the impostor has one just like that! You would think they wouldn't let two tags be the same.

'''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Yeah, I know!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my god, that has got to be, like, the worst coincidence ever. I can't believe he did that to you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I know! Yeah, you know, one thing I'm definitely going to share with you after you get here? My original hand-drawn pages. You're just gonna enjoy seeing them, the original hand-drawn, unaltered, from the computer, you will definitely see the hand-drawn resemblance.

'''Kacey:''' Well yeah I've seen them before. But I can't wait to see...I guess you know, new ones and stuff? So um, really quick, did you get my picture that I sent you?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I saw it. NICE.

'''Kacey:''' Nice? Okay. What did you think about the color shirt I was wearing?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah... RED. The only thing that's missing is white and blue! Other than that, our shirts are patriotic. WE LOVE [[America|AMERICA]]! Proud to be an American. And I was born in Washington Jefferson Hospital, which is in [[Charlottesville]]...

'''Kacey:''' So, does that picture make you horny? How horny does it make you?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Turns me on.

'''Kacey:''' How bad?

'''Chris:''' Real bad.

'''Kacey:''' Real bad? Like last time?

'''Chris:''' Ohhh yes.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Like so many times in my past before, even before I met you, but there was nothing, you know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime, but that's just me growing up, you know?

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' I was curious, I had to know!

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That's so cute! So what are you doing now?

'''Chris:''' I'm talking to you, and enjoying this nice conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Oh Chris, you're so awesome! So um, you remember the last time we were talking and we were talking about, you know, socialism and health care? You know, you never finished your opinion on that. Could you go ahead and expand?

'''Chris:''' Um, socialism and health care. Umm...yeah, I definitely feel that, uh, health care would be good for, you know, the elderly and the disabled people and, uh, socialism, uh...I don't have all the details on socialism really. I might be leaving a few out in my head to make a final opinion.

'''Kacey:''' Well, socialism just means, you know... [[Obama]]'s plan on healthcare. We were talking about this for hours!

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm just spacing out right now, haha. Ahh... but yeah, Obama's plan on health care. Well you know, I mean, he's, uh yeah, he's trying but yeah he's just not trying hard enough. Hang on, I gotta switch my arm, my right arm's getting tired out on me. You know how it is...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, is it because you're uhh, you're uhh, you know...touching yourself?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself-

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' ''[giggles]'' Ooh, that's a little spicy!

'''Chris:''' It's like, you know, you're holding the phone over to your ear and your arm just hurts after a while you've held it there.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' ...Right...So, um...

'''Chris:''' Oh actually you know, I just remembered, I wanted to recommend to you some more viewing notes from [[YouTube]], I want you to look at the videos on the account CCHAN6789.

'''Kacey:''' What was that? CCHAN6789?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they were all from me. That's an old account, I pretty much just ended the deal with it, past time.

'''Kacey:''' W-what's it again?

'''Chris:''' Uh...It's C-C-H-A-N-6-7-8-9. Yeah, all me there. The real me.

'''Kacey:''' Oh. What? Oh, I'll have to check it later when I'm near a computer. That's cool, that's cool.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So you know uh, Kim, you know uh, how she, uh, yeah you know, uh, Kim, I actually heard that Kim and her friend Logan actually live in the Charlton area close to the downtown mall, you know? So if you ever wanted to look her up and, you know, just talk to her, you know, find about more about the impostor for me, or you know, see what her opinion of me is on the Internet from her point of view...

'''Kacey:''' Oh, you want me to do some undercover stuff? Chris, that is so sweet of you! You know how much I wanted to get involved.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, sure. You know that ScarletSanctum account? That's hers.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, no, I will totally, totally message her. It's Kim Woods, you said?

'''Chris:''' No, Kim Wilson. Totally. Message her, talk to her all about me.

'''Kacey:''' I totally will. That is-yeah. I gotcha.

'''Chris:''' Oh actually, yeah. I'm looking through my uh, e-mails...oof. My arm's cracking up on me again, you know from holding the phone-

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' You know, that's so weird, because you know, you work out all the time, Chris, so you would think a phone wouldn't be, you know, so heavy for you-

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah, uh yeah, it's like light, but it's like, holding my arm in the same position for an extended period of time, it just bothers me.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. So, um, you told me that you had some new Sonichu merchandise coming out, so can you tell me about those? ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Uhh...oh yeah. I definitely got Poké Balls-I definitely got a [[Sonichu Ball]] replica in the works.

''[long pause]''

'''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. How much are you gonna sell them for? Cause I know you made so much money...

'''Chris:''' Eh, they'll probably go for like five, ten bucks. You know, I wanna get it out there.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, oh okay. You want it to start out like that. Okay, got it.

'''Chris:''' Actually you know, I think I am, oh yeah. As I was trying to say earlier but then my arm cramped up on me, I was checking my e-mail and uh, actually I have Kim Wilson's e-mail address, I could share that to you, okay?

'''Kacey:''' Oh please do, that would be awesome! I will put it in my address book right away.

'''Chris:''' All right, I'll spell it out for you. It's S-C-A-R-L-E-T-M-A-R-I-E-S-A-N-C-T-U-A-R-Y at gmail dot com.

'''Kacey:''' So it's scarletmariesanctuary@gmail.com?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, but yeah. Okay but anyway listen, don't uh, let her, don't uh spread this around to anybody, I'm trusting you. Keep it just between you and me. Just between you and me.

'''Kacey:''' No, no, definitely, I won't tell anyone. Just between you and me, Chris, just like, you know, our sexy secrets.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes. Anyway, I gotta go, you know, I'm just tired out right now...

'''Kacey:''' Aww, I don't want you to go, though.

'''Chris:''' Oh I know, I wanna talk to you some more too, but, like, ''[high-pitched]'' you know, I need my rest girl, I gotta see you tomorrow at six and make your, uh, your, uh... your... rigatoni?

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Risotto, risotto, sweetie, risotto.

'''Chris:''' RISOTTO!''[super high-pitched]'' RISOTTO, RISOTTO!

'''Kacey:''' But still, can you make me a special video, please please? I'm not gonna be there till six so please make me a video!

'''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''

'''Kacey:''' It doesn't have to be cooking, just make me a video about how much you love me, please. You know, I'm feeling so lonely because this impostor, he's taking up a lot of your time, so please?

'''Chris:''' All right, sweetheart, I'll make you a video saying how much I love you...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh my god, thank you!

'''Chris:''' ...but don't be surprised if it ends up on, uh, a different account, you know.

'''Kacey:''' I know. Oh, you're gonna keep it between us! I got it, I got it. That's awesome. Just e-mail it to me and I will look at it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I will e-mail it to you and let you look at it. Yes, I'll e-mail you the link.

'''Kacey:''' Awesome, please, PLEASE e-mail me the link.

'''Chris:''' All RIGHT, we've got a game plan!

'''Kacey:''' Awesome.

'''Chris:''' ''[Singing over her]'' YEAH, I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING!

'''Kacey:''' Be as sexy and awesome like you always are, okay, please?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, sexy and awesome. You got it, girl. You got it.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, then I guess I'll let you go to sleep and, umm...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you have pleasant dreams tonight, sweetheart.

'''Kacey:''' I will as long as you're in them.

'''Chris:''' Bye. ''[Kissing noises]''

'''Kacey:''' I love you, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I love you too. Love talking to you.

'''Kacey:''' I love talking to you too...I love doing more with you, but that will have to wait till tomorrow.

'''Chris:''' ''[weirdly high-pitched]'' Yeah, wait till tomorrow when you get here!

'''Kacey:''' So...I'll be in your dreams, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll be in my dreams and I'll be in yours, ''[sings]'' I'll be in yours...

'''Kacey:''' ''[Tries to interrupt]'' All right, th-

'''Chris:''' I NEVER PROMISED YOU A HAPPY ENDING! I'm just trying to take a crack at his song now. The one that he could have stolen from me because, you know, I love [[Britney Spears]] as well.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I haven't seen that one yet, is it up?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, it's up. ''[sings over her again]''

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Okay, Chris, well...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm tired, I'll talk to you later.

'''Kacey:''' I'll call you tomorrow before I come, okay? All right, love you, bye!

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=First|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 1.5]]}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBa2RyS3ZUYnJZNEU mp3 of phonecall]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Father Call

2022-08-14T22:46:24Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33) */ tiny correction to transcript

{{Troll}}
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with [[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]] (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]], and a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]]. Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the dad of his sweetheart by boasting of his now-legendary [[honest]]y before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. What follows is probably the most blunt personal assessment Chris has ever received to date: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Chris's room|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], [[Women's rights|treatment of Kacey]] and general failure at life. To this day, Chris has never taken any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart; throughout the call he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing menial [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]] and ''[[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]''. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours (or so he says), Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed, frequently making insensitive statements towards Matthew. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her relationship and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which, to put it bluntly, ended equally as poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''Portal'' is occasionally heard in the background, as well as constant typing sounds every so often. A turret from the game can briefly be heard at approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes in.
* Chris sighs constantly during the call – to a point where Matthew points out the constant sighing ''3 times''.
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weightlifting prowess, saying he [[11042009 51 50|just got done lifting 50 pounds]] 51 times with each arm, a total of 102 reps according to Chris. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to Matthew.
* Before she hands the phone over, however, Kacey claims she has to lift at least 100 pounds for her job. Chris does not question how or why a waitress would have to lift that many pounds.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader/babysitter seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding monthly tugboat. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "'tard babies", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous the next time Chris does it.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]]. Chris corrects him with the pronunciation of the name to not sound like a stripper, "Chris-tul", not "Chris-tal" (he also misspells the name). Chris ignores the fact that Kacey does not like the name that much either, as Matthew points out.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years. Matthew commits a potentially damaging mistake when he points out that Sega own the rights to Sonic the Hedgehog, despite having earlier claimed not to know anything about the character, leading to him clumsily backtracking on his statement; fortunately, Chris doesn't notice this.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found that said video to be especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]]; Matthew is unsurprisingly baffled as to why Chris tried "getting back" at a random guy on the internet by mockingly comparing him to the subject of one of the all-time biggest American tragedies.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like", but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, playing [[Guitar Hero||Gitar of Fail]], mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother, and even points out his grandma with ''arthritis'' pulled weeds.
* Chris also seems to believe a dog house made of plastic and wood weighs 5 to 10 tons (10,000-20,000 pounds), and believes the doghouse would weigh more than any tombstone (which tend to weigh an average of about 80 pounds). Trying to gain sympathy by saying Patti's doghouse was essentially a tombstone. Chris believes plastic and wood would weigh more than solid stone, retracting the previous claim to saying the doghouse weighed 100 pounds. A small dog like Patti would not need a dog house that heavy nor large.
* Chris isn't discouraged by the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he wouldn't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a girlfriend he eventually found out didn't exist.
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of his room as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility, remarking Chris's plan to be a house-husband. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, hypocritically saying Barb is lazy. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, ''Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base''. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father. Chris tries to say he was being respectful and Matthew treats him like a child. Kacey points out he needs to be nicer and more respectful to Matthew (not to mention, throughout the call, Chris is acting ''like'' a child, which Matt doesn't overlook). After being yelled at by Kacey, Chris "apologizes" to Matthew, with Matthew seeing past his crap.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt points out that's a book generally already read by high school students, and then asks him what he learned from the novel. Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story. When Matt brings up the court case (a major part of the story) and the character of Atticus Finch (who is the main character's dad), Chris seems to not know what he's talking about.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point of that comparison, and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point, Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her and her father's advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble and unhealthy eating, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots wouldn't make videos mocking national tragedies.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in the conversation''). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his [[Bruce Johnson|elementary school principal]] and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" [[Autism|to be a cast-iron rule]], rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly tries weaseling his way out of the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. After some back and forth regarding Kacey, the future of Chris's relationship to her, her song dedication video, and Chris's own version of the song, Matthew snidely congratulates Chris on getting Kacey and Liquid back together.
* Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter. She mentions Chris failing to make her a comic (presumably what would become the [[Sonichu Special 4|Gun Comic]]) and instead making her a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level. Kacey reveals Chris asked her for her phone number, which she refused to give him until her parents trusted him – Chris claims he would have come to her if he knew where she was – despite earlier in the call implying after Julie, he would not travel to see any girlfriends. During this, she compares him to Liquid, who she says would've driven to see her soon as he knew she was upset (Chris didn't bother during the call to ask how she was when talking to Matthew). Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are…

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''corpsing'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh... [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that autism thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the [[Barb|mother]]'s line but it can be in the [[Bob|father]]'s as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler (18:28-24:18)===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like [[Chris and reality#Chris the Goddess|being a prophet]] to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps [''pronounced "corpse"'']. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame (24:18-33:24)===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' [''extremely uncomfortable laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I am very poetic as well, just to let you know, sir.

'''Matthew:''' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up YouTube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:''' You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a YouTube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, n--Kacey was, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was--I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That...are y-are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bull[[Lars|sheeit]].

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores (39:17-48:08)===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? [[CWC More Than A Feeling|I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.]]

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women (48:08-54:05)===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to... Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I... [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

===More Shit Hits the Fan (54:05-58:09)===
'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] {{RageQuote|OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!}}

'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your [[Patti Chandler|little dog,]] playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little... maggot--

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] {{RageQuote|I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!}}

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I DO WORK around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, they ''are'', EVERYONE works around the house!

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't...the, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' And, and, I've seen--an-an, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]], it's a ''fuckin' MESS!'' You call that working around the house? [''stutters in disbelief''] Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really..move, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, it's your ''mom's'' fault. And...that's, that's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work...she's been livin' more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is...this is nothing. Uh I mean, at this rate, you're not getting...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point, you know, maybe every....while, this is no, I mean, this is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I... oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]... That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' That's...! What the fuck, is that--are you ''mocking me?!''

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' [''stammering in utter shock''] Is this... are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life.

===Kacey Returns (58:09-1:02:35)===
'''Matthew:''' [''still stuttering in disbelief''] Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' Ah, just-just, what is... I mean... [''clears throat''] I mean, this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...I dunno--

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this little ol' faggot kiddie shit... and how he has to ''move chairs'' and do - ''oh no'' - housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, and he's saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...you know, of course, you remember when we lost grandma...how would you forget?

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' I mean, and this guy, this guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really, wh--

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Wh--like what?! ''Like what?!?!''

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you ARE a child, ''I'm'' a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Like, you can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' ''What are you doing?''

'''Chris:''' Well... yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well... believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You... are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health (1:02:35-1:13:17)===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So-so what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I...have...learned.....that I have to be able to...cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like [[Honor roll|George had to put up with Lennie]] throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? In fact, that was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I-I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. I mean, when did you-when did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I...I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' I-you know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books, y'know, she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''rage button pushed''] Stuff...candy...don't...[''sigh''] I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. I...you don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're... [''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't... with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after...a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but...how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe...maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't... [''sputters''] ...don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs (1:13:17-1:19:04)===
'''Chris:''' But I...

'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so... you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|pretended he was being kidnapped]] and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of US states by minimum wage|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it... I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills (1:19:04-1:24:45)===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I... wh... no. [''pause''] I, I... [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just... [[Family Guy|grinded my gears]].

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you, do you even listen to her, orm, her at all? I mean, how can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W...well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker (1:24:05-1:36:33)===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around... what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokémon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. [[Biological clock|Sleep.]] Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me... for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the... phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']

'''Matthew:''' You don't... it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O...kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me... Tell me... How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I admit I do have a [[Buddha belly]], but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to... how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really... Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long...do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little Buddha belly and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' [''offended by phrases he used himself moments ago''] Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?!

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may show-- not show-- I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33)===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah... let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is... that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve... me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I...am an ''[[American]]!'' I am proud to be an American and [[I AM STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic... if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't...do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting that video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories (1:41:33-1:46:21)===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I... I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped eating McDonald's, and you didn't... That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey [[The End For Real|left you right now]], right this very moment, you would... [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|you'd go out]] and find [[The Wallflower|another girl on the Internet]].

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' [[List of Love Quest candidates|Wouldn't you?]] And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [[Kacey#Kacey Date Log|creepy date]] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ....no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' [''claps once''] How long did that just take you? Good boy! [''chuckles''] God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is...man. You can't have Kacey, with...with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so...[[naïve]]. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'... you crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment"?

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could [[Kick the Autistic|whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky]] if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli--what are you talking about? What dictionary are ''you'' looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect (1:52:36-1:57:38)===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I...it was not a retard! No...it was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. [[Western State Hospital|That's probably where you belong!]] And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to ''my'' intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person…

'''Chris:''' I do res... I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating (1:57:38-2:08:38)===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and [[Kick the Autistic|kick your ass right now]]!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that... I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about… on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you... have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm… Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes... anything, any of this creepy...shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well... first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really?'' [''scoffs'']

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't--I don't believe, I mean, I don't believe a word of that. [''stutters a bit''] How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that--and how did that turn out? And how did she act to--how did she act toward you? What'd she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just was not all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around...around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' [''stutters a bit again''] And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know! I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' ...but-s-so you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' .....yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, you can't think of, maybe...I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. [''Chris scoffs''] I mean, I didn't even need to think about it. [''pause''] I mean, uh...I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. Took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. [''scoffs''] And how much--and how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's...$10 for dinner? Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could tell you the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So--so where would you take Kacey? You know, she's a pretty high-class girl. And I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I, you know, I y'know, you probably didn't--I said you probably didn't even tip. And, so where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip?

'''Chris:''' About 15 or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So, how much did you tip, then? If you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. I, you know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. I mean, you know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to...to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of 10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Eee...that's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm...let's see, hm...that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' You, so you would just pay $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, y'know, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even ''do'' math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the ''high-class, hoity-toity, rich type'', type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least...they're not rich either, and they still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well, good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. I mean, income would be, like, y'know, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing!

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from...being, from being talked down about, some, about some, about the honest...details I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because...it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't...it's not made of, uh, y'know, Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, and how are you better than all this? [''stutters in disbelief''] You're doing exactly, you know, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you is...you do nothing but what exactly what you have said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' And you need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not! You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now? (2:08:38-2:18:03)===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well… I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me! When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, and I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. I mean, we are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Well, actually, that's fine, you know, you can...you can go, you can whine and, you know, weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. I mean...what are you gonna do after this, y'know, what are you going to do tomorrow? You're going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's...that's--

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up...and I'm going to be...finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe in--you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because…

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really… this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a… I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' I can't believe...! [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...di, uh...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I...did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know…

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean… yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then… and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble…

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say... good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso... what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

CWC-isms

2022-08-10T14:45:04Z

Mrmariomaster: /* F */ added link

<center>{{Honest}}</center>

{{Protip|Please refrain from using CWC-isms casually when writing articles, as this may make them difficult for newcomers to decipher.}}
One of [[Chris]]'s most notorious features is his strange vocabulary. Like many children who don't feel comfortable referring to [[Honest Content|adult concepts]] directly, Chris often resorts to creating cutesy euphemisms for a lot of words that anyone else his age would generally use with little reservation, which is common with autistic people. While some of them are understandable — after all, nobody would really relish discussing their [[Butt garments|diapers]] — others, such as "[[tobacky]]" instead of "tobacco", only serve to turn an otherwise normal sentence into an advertisement for Chris's childish nature. Others are attempts to be clever that fail miserably, for example, he refers to [[semen]] as "[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|navy]]", because semen sounds like sea men, [[Random-access humor|get it?]] Still others come from Chris's love of manipulating words, especially backwards spellings and {{w|portmanteau}} blends. Combine this with the idiosyncratic speech patterns that are common among [[autism|autistics]], and you get his so-called '''CWC-isms'''.

CWC-isms may be combinations or butchered versions of words or phrases that already exist, entirely new words, commonplace words that he uses repeatedly in a peculiar or obsessive way, or entirely new phrases that Chris often has to explain afterwards because nobody knows what he's talking about.

==Primary categories of CWC-isms==
Nearly all CWC-isms belong to one of the four following classes:
# '''CWC-neologism''' - a ''new'' word or phrase, unknown until ''created by Chris''. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#L|Lovehogs]]'', a portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehogs".
# '''CWC-homonym''' - an ''existing'' word or phrase, to which Chris has given a ''different meaning''. These may be euphemisms, designed to avoid naming (to Chris) offensive things, or else due to Chris confusing an elevated word's meaning. Example: ''[[Duck]]'', for Chris's penis; ''[[CWC-isms#T|telekinesis]]'', used erroneously in place of ''telepathy''.
# '''CWC-archaism''' - an ''obscure'' word or phrase, known in English but seldom used by contemporary Virginians, which Chris has learned somewhere and has ''become characteristic'' for Chris's way of speaking/writing. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#U|Uncouth]]'', an obscure word Chris used to tell people how much of a jerk he perceive they're being to him.
# '''CWC-misspelling''' - only the ''most notable'' of Chris's ''misspellings'', including deliberate re-arrangements: those which are characteristic for Chris's way of writing. Example: ''[[Geinus]]'', what he deems himself to be; ''[[Pmurt]]'' for Donald Trump, president of the United States from 2017-2021. Chris's sporadic, inconsistent use of some [[Catherine|British spellings]] while otherwise using American English can also be considered under this category.



__NOTOC__

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; center:0">{{Alphabet ToC}}</div>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==#==
|-
|

;12-9
[[Image:Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg|The cover for Sonichu #12-9|thumb|300px]]

<blockquote>
1. (''numeral'') A placeholder for the number thirteen.

<blockquote> ''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism directly. Chris however used it in lists that exceed 12 items.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1006915844016869377</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has shown on a few occasions to dislike the number 13, due to him deeming it an unlucky number. This phenomenon, referred to as [[wikipedia:Triskaidekaphobia|triskaidekaphobia]], is already a popular superstition in American culture, and this is likely where Chris picked it up. His fear of the number has led to some bizarre effects, particularly in his numbering. A famous example of this unusual numbering shtick is in the 13th issue of his Sonichu comics, which he numbered as "Issue #12-9", in which he used an em-dash in the place of a decimal place. The 12-9 itself is meant to represent a value of "almost 13".</blockquote>

;15 minutes
<blockquote>
1. (''phrase'') [[Masturbation]], the amount of time it takes for Chris.

<blockquote> ''Masturbation takes '''Fifteen LONG, Tiring and Annoying Minutes'''''<ref name=15min>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote> ''Self-masturbation is really arduous and annoying. Another '''15 minutes''' down the drain.''<ref name=15min></ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris coined this phrase in 2021, using it in chats with the [[Watchmen]].</blockquote>

;[[4-Cent Garbage]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' The headquarters of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[4-Chan]] trolls in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]].

<blockquote> ''You will recognize her [?] as your sweetheart because from a fav- from a favor on her half, your internal clock will be restored fully, your enemies of '''4-cent-garbage''' will be vanquished, so you both will live together in peace. Live freely.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Since ED and 4chan were partly responsible for Megan's breakup with him, Chris decided to get payback on the both of them by combining the both of them into an evil corporation in Sonichu, dubbing it "4-cent Garbage".</blockquote>

;7-incher
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A penis which measures seven-inches in length.

<blockquote> ''Good thing we stopped for a pack of condoms; it's too bad the regular-size ones break easily on my '''7-incher'''.''</blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his penis is about 7 inches, which he actually believes is the average length of a penis of an adult male <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_20#Oral_doesn.27t_count</ref>. Chris has made all kinds of weird euphemisms for just his penis alone such as this one, "ugly growth", and "duck".</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==A==
|-
|
;abreast
<blockquote>
1. (''adjective'') full of; filled with.

<blockquote>''It was not until after saving the city from the forces of Count Graduon and his minions, that she realized her form's new assets. And she was '''abreast''' with delight and glee when she found not the Male Part, but a Vagina!''<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''In fact, while I am fairly educated about Tribadism and '''abreast''' with theories, I would appreciate some experience with a lesbian or two who knows what she likes to enlighten me better, including on sensual massage and all that.''<ref>[[May_2015_Facebook_posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses this word when discussing feminine anatomy and lesbian sex, evidently because it includes the word "breast". He fails to realize that "abreast" actually means "adjacent" or "across".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/abreast</ref> A possible confusion with the word "abound" or "abundant".</blockquote>

;Adult Swim
<blockquote>
1. (''adjective'') pornographic or otherwise "NSFW"; containing [[Honest Content|adult content]].

<blockquote>''She still has a great drawing style, even for the '''Adult Swim''' section."<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/night-star-delivers-christines-side-of-the-story.33062/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refers to the Cartoon Network block ''[[Adult Swim]]''. Chris seemed to only consider the "Adult" part of this block's name, and therefore assumed he could use this phrase to describe anything that's "adult" to him. Note that the Cartoon Network block does not feature pornographic content.

</blockquote>

;adulterous
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Of an [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|adult]] and mature nature

<blockquote>''Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered '''adulterous'''.''<ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: usually used to describe people who [[Ivy|cheat]] on their [[Blanca Weiss|partners]] (i.e. guilty of adultery), Chris only notices the "adult" component of the word.

2. ''(adjective)'' Insult of unclear nature
<blockquote>''Heeeeey, folks! It's me, [[Clyde Cash]]. I am the ruler of the internet and the internet trolls. I am an '''adulterous''' foe, a bastard and a self-righteous idiot who spends his time wallowing and trolling the one Christian Weston Chandler, and making up a whole bunch of dadgum rumors all over the internet!''<ref>[[100 2267]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris simply throws out the insult without a clear understanding of the word. Possibly referring to Clyde taking [[PandaHalo]] from Chris, though this is more aptly described as cuckoldry. Perhaps influenced by the verb ''adulterate''.

</blockquote>

;among which
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Among other things. Et cetera. Also. Additionally

<blockquote>'''''Among which''' I can project myself to (the Ninja Turtles universe)''<ref>[[Dankula]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Autism|Uncertain]]. Chris adopted this phrase and began using it heavily in a number of different contexts through-out 2018. Perhaps the clearest example of chris's over-use of "among which" is the [[Dankula|Count Dankula interview]], where Chris uses the phrase no less than ten times.

</blockquote>

;an' anurr thing
<blockquote>
1. ''(Phrase, transitionary)'' Signifies that Chris wishes to make another point about a subject he is discussing, and that he wishes he were Peter Falk.

<blockquote>''An' anurr thing...CHRIS. Your for real- your real name, as I have been told by Kacey, is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that. '''An' anurr thing''', I NAME is NOT IAN! BRANDON!!! SOMETHING!!!!!''<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: a corruption of "and another thing". Used constantly when Chris is angry.

</blockquote>
;[[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]]
[[Image:Anch.PNG|right|thumb|Chris and Sonichu amazed by the Anchuent Prophecy]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Describes anything that is archaic in the ''Sonichu'' canon.

<blockquote>
''Well, what's this? I'm havin' an upgrade? Huh! Huh! My- my powers are given me the ability to fly with my wings attached to my head! It's like a w- it's like an add-on! That's optional! Huh! Must have been done by '''Anchuent''' Powers, so awesome I can fly now! Huh!''<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially, "anchuent" was taken to be a misspelling of the word "ancient" given Chris's [[Chris and English|poor grasp of the English language]]. Over time, however, it was revealed that "anchuent" was meant to be a portmanteau of the words "ancient" and "Sonichu", adding the "chu" part of "Sonichu" into the word "ancient".<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref> </blockquote>

;and shit
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items.

<blockquote>''I don't want to believe in labels at all but I mean obviously, tale- the incest fanfics have come true '''and shit'''.''<ref>[[Incest call]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''But, yeah, I did not verbally argue as much growing up, and it took facing the even Toughter Moments since 2000 '''and shit''' for me to actually formulate and speak better self-defenses with what is Truth''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 20 October 2021#22 October]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A more profane variant of "and such" (see below). Chris often uses the phrase in unfitting contexts.
</blockquote>

;and such
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items; to add to a list.

<blockquote>''At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, GameStop, Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etcetera '''and such'''.''<ref>[[CWC Blog|Cwcipedia captain's log, 25 November 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris understands the term's meaning, but uses it superfluously.
</blockquote>

;artery

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' art.

<blockquote>''Good evening, but between this and the, uh, oh, and the other clips I would like to present you, uh, a few examples of hand '''artery'''.''<ref>[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Not to be confused with the term for blood vessels. Chris doesn't seem to realize "art" is already a noun and doesn't need the suffix, and that "artistry" also exists.
</blockquote>

;as such

<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' In the manner previously described.

<blockquote>''They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me '''as such'''.''<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris overuses this phrase to the point of self-parody. He's either tacking it on to fill space when he can't think of the next thing to say, or he's peppering it into his language in a feeble attempt to sound intelligent.
</blockquote>

;[[Attraction Location|attraction location]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any place Chris may sit to gain the attention of any passing women, only to get promptly kicked out afterward.

<blockquote>''Also, as of early November, I was reemitted into the Fashion Square Shopping Center, and since Mid-December, I totally left the UVA as an '''Attraction Location'''.''<ref>[[Story_of_My_Current_Days]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having a very difficult socializing with women, thought that sitting around in a certain place and soliciting himself would be a better alternative. Therefore, it would make sense to him to sit in a location with many people in order to gain the attention of several women.</blockquote>

;attraction time

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The time that is spent at an attraction location

<blockquote>''Then, on my next visit to the mall, I felt seriously depressed about what had happened the other day; it killed my '''attraction time'''''.<ref>[[Story_of_My_Current_Days]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;audio-sonic feeling

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the arousing feeling caused by getting hit by sound waves

<blockquote>''Here is a most '''audio-sonic feeling'''. While at the club last night, the music was loud, maybe reverberating or echoing. The music and beats literally shook up my rack! I actually Felt the music playing and reverbing within my breasts, almost like my breasts had become a pair of speakers. It Felt Amazing and Arousing!''<ref>https://www.facebook.com/cwcville/photos/a.447204945915.244245.167832525915/10152771303590916/?type=3&theater</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As shown in the quote above, Chris believed that he was sexually aroused when sound waves hit him. In actuality, sound, a vibration,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound</ref> creates pressure. The louder the sound, the more pressure gets created from the wave. Therefore, very loud music should be able to hit Chris given that he's a huge target, creating that "arousing" feeling, which is actually an alternation between high and low pressures.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== B ==
|-
|

;B-dog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Derogatory epithet for women.

<blockquote>''Then that [[Mary Lee Walsh|'''B-Dog''']] ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Retarded censorship of the word "bitch". [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is implied to say this in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], when she shouts "BEEE..!!!" at [[Silvana]].<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_8/Page_95|Issue 8 Pages 94-95}}</ref>
</blockquote>

;bally
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' round; having the texture of a perfectly round ball.

<blockquote>''I've always given her a "'''Bally'''-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_emails_2004-2006</ref></blockquote>

Origin: If one didn't know Chris was referring to his dog, Patti, and that he gives her a "Bally-scratch" on the head, one might conclude that he's fondling someone's genitals. Chris, [[CWC-isms#N|naive]] to how suggestive this sounds, gave this special kind of petting the name "Bally-scratching" because of how stroking her head felt like he was squeezing a rubber ball.</blockquote>

;Be Woman
<blockquote>1. ''(verb phrase)'' Be '''a''' woman.

<blockquote>''I am a Lesbian Transwoman; I am not confused or mentally ill about that; '''I Am Woman.'''''<ref>[[2017_tweets#Proud_to_be_a_feminist]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''How Dare You Insult and be so Inconsiderate of Her like that? '''She Is Woman'''; she would Never Revert Back.''<ref>[[NightStar2891_tweets#She_is_woman]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used regularly when Chris asserts his [[Tomgirl|transgender identity]], notable for the consistent lack of a proper article and capitalization of each word in the phrase. Originally only attested in the first person ("I Am Woman"), a post on Chris's [[Miss Night Star]] Twitter sockpuppet account uses the third person ("She Is Woman"). Technically first appears in [[Sonichu 8]] when [[The Incredible Lioness]] attacks [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], as the somewhat cliché musical reference [[wikipedia:I Am Woman|"I am woman, hear me roar!"]], which may have inspired Chris's broader use of the phrase. This could be a reference to the Bhagavad Gita or Oppenheimer ("Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.") [[honor roll|but this is unlikely]].
</blockquote>



;[[Biological clock|biological clock]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Wikipedia:Circadian Rhythm|circadian rhythm]]

<blockquote>'''I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking '''biological clock''' as well.''<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although technically not used incorrectly in this context, the phrase "biological clock" is used exclusively for women in their child-bearing years. Possibly a confusion with "internal clock".
</blockquote>

;blangry
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' [[Chris and anger|Angry]].

<blockquote>''Oh, and how 'bout this?! I get '''BLANGRY'''! ''<ref>[[Chris Calls Clyde Out]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Given Chris's belief that he has [[Chris and English|mastered the English language]] and his [[speech impediment]], it's likely he fucked up saying angry.
</blockquote>

;blue-printed
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Skilled in engineering.

<blockquote>''I like many others, was born a foal; to a '''blue-printed''' Pegasus and a country tomboy earth mare.''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot_20171019-235945_01-png.299275/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris portrayed Bob's Pony Counterpart in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] as an engineer, just like the real [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]. Due to Chris's limited vocabulary, Chris knew very little words he could use to describe Bob's profession. Derived from the word "blueprints", the plans set for the design of a product. </blockquote>

;[[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Single; particularly used on women.

<blockquote>''Ahh, well, it's been over a year and ten months now since I started my sweetheart-search; I still haven't found a '''boyfriend-free'''-caring-smoke-free-non-alcoholic-white-girl-near-my-age to build a relationship with from the ground up.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris’s mission in life used to be to obtain a girlfriend and have sex. However, evey chance he thinks he gets, they already have a boyfriend. This has made Chris “fear” girls who already have boyfriends.</blockquote>

;Buddha belly
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Excess fat that gives a person a [[obesity|very round appearance]].

<blockquote>''Okay, well, I admit I do have a '''Buddha belly''', but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.''<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "[[Wikipedia:Buddha|Buddha]]" is a title given to several legendary figures in [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhism]]. In this case, Chris is making reference to [[wikipedia:Budai|Budai]], who is often known as "Fat Buddha". Chris presumably picked up the phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "To Love and Die in Dixie".
</blockquote>

;bugbears
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Trolls]], [[weens]], and other Chris-related orbiters who make him miserable.

<blockquote>''Freaking CyberBullies!!!!!!! Real '''Bugbears''', they are!''<ref>[[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although the term was originally defined in the 16th century as 'a cause of obsessive fear, anxiety, or irritation.', It was given a another definition centuries later to describe a race of hobgoblins made famous by [[Wikipedia:Bugbear (Dungeons & Dragons)|Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's widely believed that Chris picked up the term from [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic, which depicted these creatures as literal bear-insect hybrids that are first seen terrorizing the ponies.
</blockquote>

;buh bye bay nose
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' but if anybody knows.

<blockquote>''If I knew who you were, I'd give you a kick in da bawls. But I can't, because I don't know who or where you are. '''Buh bye bay nose''' the whereabouts of the... [[JERKS|jerk]]... and just happens to be nearby... or within the state? Give him a swick kick for me.''<ref>[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A result of Chris’s [[Speech impediment]]</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;but during the stone age...
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A rebuttal for something obvious being stated.

<blockquote>''You don’t have to tell me twice! '''But during the stone age...'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to the [[Sonichu 2 Official Videobook|Videobook for Sonichu #2]], the phrase originates from how you need to “tell cavemen twice” over anyone else.</blockquote>

;[[Butt garments|butt garment]]
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Leaked footage of Chris in a butt garment]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an adult diaper; typically one used to control Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontenence]].

<blockquote>''The doctor corrected that they were liners; he never called them diapers. Neither did Chris- he called them “'''butt garments'''”.''</blockquote>

Origin: To avoid embarrassment from stating that he shits himself constantly, and uses diapers, Chris refers to his adult diapers as butt garments.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== C ==
|-
|

;C-Log
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Captain's Log.

<blockquote>'''''C-Log''' February 4th, 2010. First off, I'm not dead, and I have a few announcements to make.''<ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: For quite some time, Chris has had the habit of abbreviating certain words or phrases that begin with "'''C'''", possibly for [[Chris and his Ego|his name also beginning with "'''C'''"]], as well as to put greater emphasis on the letter C in the words he abbreviates. Other examples of this kind of abbreviation include "C-Mas" and "C-Ville".
</blockquote>

;C-Mas
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Christmas

<blockquote> ''The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the '''C-Mas''' Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, Sonichu and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.<ref>[[Sonichu's_News_Dash#A_Very_Special_Holiday_Chris-chan]]
</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;C Ville (or C-Ville)
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' [[Charlottesville, VA]].

<blockquote>''Look, you're going to back in '''C-Ville''' tomorrow, I can meet you at the McDonalds at Forest Lakes, what time is good for our meeting?''<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Generic term for any city whose name fits the pattern of beginning with "C" and ending with "ville," e.g., [[CWCville]], Charlottesville, etc.

<blockquote>''And when you diss Cwcville you disf- you diss every "'''C Ville'''" within these United States.''<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;[[Captain's Log|Captain's Log]]
[[File:CWCtrek1.png|400px|right|thumb|The Autistic Generation]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The classic opening for a vlog video Chris makes to adress the fanbase, which includes the date of production. Replaced in 2015 with "live from home once again".

<blockquote>'''''Captain's Log'''. Stardate: September... 24th, 2008.''<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: One may come to the conclusion that Chris picked up this phrase from Star Trek, however, Chris is neither a fan of the Star Trek franchise, nor has he seen any clips of the show<ref>[[Mailbag_3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_14]]</ref>. It is more likely that Chris picked up the phrase from cartoons like [[Family Guy]], which references Star Trek, considering how much he watched the show religiously.</blockquote>

;carniverous
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' evil, vengeful.

<blockquote>''On today's show, we will take a close-up look at the '''carniverous''' jerkops.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm</ref></blockquote>Origin: A misspelling of "carnivorous". It is unknown what word Chris meant to use here, but "carnivorous" certainly wasn't it.</blockquote>

;[[China|china]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Female genitalia

<blockquote>''I love dykes! DYKES! '''CHINA!'''''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, uncomfortable with directly saying the word "vagina", decided to alter the word to a cutesy, similar-sounding word. Based off of a term for porcelain "china".</blockquote>

;coldest shoulder

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' to rebel.

<blockquote>''Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned '''Coldest Shoulder''' Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred.''<ref>[[April_2012_Facebook_posts]]</ref>

''One of which, Amanda, is one of the Part-Time Manajerks who gives her elders the '''coldest of shoulders'''.''<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the phrase "turning a cold shoulder", a phrase used for the negligence of another person<ref>https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/turn-a-cold-shoulder-to</ref>. </blockquote>

;[[Comeuppance|comeuppance]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Male orgasm.
<blockquote>''...I feel my '''comeuppance''' and I come into your mouth, my [[semen]] is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. (...) And right after I'd given you my first round, my first '''comeuppance''', you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis...''<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' [[Semen]], usually immediately after ejaculation. ''See also: [[CWC-isms#N|Navy]]''
<blockquote>''Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until you get the first dosage of my '''comeuppance'''!''<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses the sexual slang "cum" as a [[For Julie's Eyes Only|verb]] for orgasm, but he may not realize it can also be a noun referring to ejaculate. In his mind, "comeuppance" apparently serves that purpose, viz., "that which has come/cum up."

In the real world, "comeuppance" is an English noun meaning [[Wiktionary:comeuppance|outcome which is justly deserved]] based upon the common verb "come," i.e., the state of coming forward to receive judgment. He is either unaware of the original definition of the word or does not appreciate the irony of telling women he's going to give them comeuppance.

Note that the contexts of the real word and Chris's version are different. When a woman is rebuked, she receives her comeuppance; when a woman gets Chris's hot load in her face, she receives ''his'' "comeuppance."
</blockquote>

;count you(r) blessing(s)
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used as a retort when someone complains about the quality of your work.
<blockquote>It’s an early thing; it will improve later on. Curb your enthusiasm and '''count your blessing.'''</blockquote>
Origin: In [[January 2020]] Chris was seen using the phrase when he was attacked after chimping out about being blocked on social media. Recently people have been questioning the quality of the newest [[medallions]], produced by [[Praetor]]. Chris, perhaps in an attempt to "calm the trolls down'' tells them to '''count their blessings''.</blockquote>

;crash into slumber (or crash and burn)
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To get so sad and [[Chris and stress|stressed out]] that you get tired from exhaustion.

<blockquote>And… the void in my heart that requires a sweetheart is open again, and it hurts. I hope you jerks and trolls who wanted to break us up… are happy… 'cause all you did was make me feel sad and depressed. And you made me '''crash… into slumber'''… a couple of times. And you know, it takes a lot of stress and exhaust… and such… to make a person feel like they're gonna crash and burn… into a whole bunch of s-- into a long slumber… that just basically sleeps o-- that just basically sleeps off the—uh, what's the word I was looking for? I had it. Ugh…<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris famously said that he "crashed into slumber" in the video [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]], where he shows off how depressed and angry he was with his latest tomfoolery at the time. It could be because that one of Chris' main methods of coping with his stress is to sleep it off, and tried to make it sound hyperbolic by stating that he "crashed" onto the bed, as if he tried to get it done sooner.</blockquote>

;crestfallen
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sad and disappointed

<blockquote>''I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt '''crestfallen''' greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Manchester_High_School</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys R Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and '''crestfall'''. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/26_December_2014</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another obscure word Chris liked to use a lot, even today. It even got to the point where he tried to put it into a baffling progressive tense "to my dismay and crestfall".</blockquote>

;crooks
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Those who may steal Chris's intellectual property for malicious purposes. ''(pl.)''

<blockquote>''I aways keep my eyes open for '''crooks''' who take my [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]]'s name and put it in offensive use!''<ref>''[[:File:116-CWCCop.jpg|116-CWCCop.jpg]]''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' websites, and even words on websites which communicate lies about Chris.

<blockquote>''And that [[ED]] page is one of those crooks. Every page--every word on the discussion page is a '''crook'''.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A finishing move Chris does on his adversaries in order to "curse" them, publicly or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Hmmm...'''Curse-ye-ha-me-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/NO_D***_WAY,_IMPOSTOR!!!</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bastardization of the Kamehameha energy attack from the [[Dragon Ball]] series, performed in the same way it is in the anime. Chris believes that he possesses [[Chris and reality#Magic|magical powers]]. Typically, these so-called magical powers would be used whenever an enemy gets in the way of whatever he wants to do, since Chris is too afraid to actually fight anyone. Therefore, he will rely on this magical power in order to gain control of whoever is giving him trouble.</blockquote>

;CWC-sense
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The ability to sense Chris's presence.

<blockquote> ''Seriously though, awesome timing coming in, just as we, and Chris, had just finished writing the lyrics...was your '''CWC-sense''' tingling?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== D ==
|-
|

;D.A.
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Unexplained, presumably a substitution to avoid the word "dumbass." Most likely ''not'' "District Attorney," although equally applicable to [[Marvey Blaziken]].

<blockquote>''You are obviously a troll trying to pick on my nerves; nice try, '''D.A.'''''<ref>[[Mailbag 15]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris intermittently decides to self-censor his profanities for the benefit of younger readers.
</blockquote>

;da
<blockquote>1. ''(article)'' [[Wikipedia:Eye dialect|Eye dialect]] spelling of the word [http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/the the].

<blockquote>''Y'all know me as [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta Sonichu]], '''da''' DJ with da power!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], page 43</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris writes "the" as "da" when he intends for his characters (or himself) to sound laid-back and cool. This is most notable with Jamsta Sonichu, who is supposed to sound like a hip radio DJ and/or a [[Niggos|black man]]. Chris may intend at times to do the same thing in his verbal communications, although his [[speech impediment]] makes it difficult to tell when he actually means to say "da."
</blockquote>

;Da Update
[[File:Daupdate.jpg|thumb|400px|[[Megan]], comparing Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|attitude]] to [[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The latest news.

2. ''(phrase)'' The most recent fail Chris is responsible for.

<blockquote>''Hey, guys! What's '''da update'''?''</blockquote>

Origin: Dialogue used by Chris, in an exceedingly awkward attempt to sound casual, in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. As Chris's [[fans]] have searched the Internet for the latest news from our hero, "da update" has become shorthand for "the latest [[Relics of Fail|failure]] Chris has committed." The phrase became legendary when posted above the Chris-chan talk page on [[ED]] (eventually the page was locked, forcing mass migration to the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]]).

</blockquote>

;[[Darling|darling]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover, even one that shows no affection back at you.

<blockquote>''Thank you, Doopie '''Darling'''. :)<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/July_2017_tweets#Thanks.2C_darling</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris, so hellbent on being [[Chris and kindness|kind]] to just about any potential sweetheart he met, thinks it's appropriate to refer to women he doesn't know outside of the internet by pet names to sound like he really cares for them, despite it being creepy to most other people. Chris's main justification for using this word on women who don't bond with him is that the actor [[Wikipedia:Tallulah Bankhead|Tallulah Bankhead]] used this word a lot, ignoring the fact that she only did this while on set.</blockquote>

;[[Dating education|Dating Education]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' formal education in schools about dating people of the opposite sex.

<blockquote>''Also, in addition, while we also fully support Sexual Education in every high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, '''Dating Education''' classes, because, while Sex Ed is great for the eventual, well-earned intercourse after 3 or more dates, it is vital to learn what to do before that moment. It should be well0taught how to approach and ask one’s member of the opposite gender out for the very first date.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:DatingEducation.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The lack of "Dating Education classes" is something that Chris used to complain about all of the time, because he's simply incapable of finding a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]], and that it would be a great advantage for people of his type to learn how to do so. Chris doesn't understand that a key aspect of obtaining a mate is to develop the proper [[Chris and socialization|social skills]], especially those around [[women]], and that it has very little to do with how much sex he has with them.</blockquote>

;detail
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A thing of importance that Chris cannot recall at any given moment.

<blockquote>''I do not have the appropriate calm state of mind to make time to READ those numerous upon numerous small-print '''details''', much less memorize them.''<ref>[[Wikipedia#May 2009 drama]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' Something that Chris does not understand.

<blockquote>''There was one I remember from then where the essay had a lot of offensive content, including smoking, and I spoke my mind on how offended I was of it. Plus other details I misunderstood that he was expecting in the assignments.'' <ref>[[Jackie E-mails 9]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's ability to retain information is questionable (unless it's about [[Sonichu (comic)|something]] [[Lego|he]] [[Pokémon|obsesses]] [[PS3|over]]). As such, he "misunderstands" and "forgets" a lot of glaringly important things, such as [[Father call|how to live on his own]] and [[Jackie E-mails 2|the fact that he cheated on Ivy]].
</blockquote>

;devotee
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An [[enabler]] of Chris.

<blockquote>''Ah, I believe I have the proper term. Going from "Worshiper", I checked the thesaurus:"'''Devotee'''" in the term sounds better. "Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu"(DoCCS). This is my better educates and thought suggestion." ''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-1267#post-5540139</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Believing himself to be a goddess, Chris needed a term to refer to any of his followers. The term was originally "worshiper", but then after a quick thesaurus search, he decided to change the term to "devotees", solely because he thought it sounded smarter. Although technically a synonym of "worshiper", the term "devotee" is more often used in Eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism.
</blockquote>

;Did the do, to do the do
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To have sexual intercourse, likely under deceptive conditions

<blockquote>''[[Lovely Weather|Lovely]] was hot. She mistook me for myself and we went home from work that night, so Lovely and I '''did the do''', and it was awesome!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_2|Issue 10 Page 2}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An even more benign variation of the common euphemism for sex, "doing it". Ripped off from [[Wikipedia:Emission_Impossible|an episode]] of [[Family Guy]].
</blockquote>

;dige
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana

<blockquote>''My name's [[Inos]]... wha' chu up to? I am eclectic on this hedge... high on the hog... you wan' som' of this '''dige''', mon?''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_70|Issue 10 Page 70}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended to be part of a coded reference to "Sonichu, Electric Hedgehog Digimon". It is not known why he changed the reference from "Pokemon" to "Digimon".
</blockquote>

;[[dimension]]
[[File:Chrisminecraft.jpg|right|thumb|In a universe of multiple realities, anything is possible according to Chris.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Either our universe or a fictional one, such as the one in which ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' or ''[[My Little Pony]]'' are set, both held to be equally [[Chris and reality|real]] in Chris's ontology.

<blockquote>''For Our Home World and All other '''Dimensions''', Realities and Worlds; All Of Us! Dance! Dance! Dance!!!''<ref>[[Freestyle Dance With Me, For Our World]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Dumbing down some physicists' hypothetical notion of other physical universes embedded in mathematically higher-dimensional space, which has since seeped into pop culture and thence down to Chris.
</blockquote>

;[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Used as a reference to Chris's fecal incontinence.

<blockquote>''I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF '''DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(20_January_2009)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase during an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]] with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]] after they alleged that Chris has a fondness to wear women's underwear. In order to confirm his straightness, he retorted by admitting the fact that he has "NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS". Soon after, due to how humorous the phrase sounded, it became a shorthand for trolls to refer to Chris's fecal incontinence.</blockquote>

;disabled of crafting
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Too apathetic to work

<blockquote>''Since last December with the Lulu.com problems (resolved), that has left me with a bad emotional and mental scar. Leaving me feeling '''disabled of crafting'''...''<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Too lazy to work]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris being defensive when a customer asked how he could be trusted to follow through on an order, when he had failed to send out orders from his Etsy shop, which resulted in his seller account getting closed.
</blockquote>

;dispel
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Reject, turn away

<blockquote>''[T]o dispel me is to discriminate against the LGBTQ community as well.<ref>[[Unban_contracts#GameStop|GameStop unban contract]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misunderstanding of the meaning of the word.</blockquote>

;Dork of Ages
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who deserves scorn for creating an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article on you.

<blockquote>He is the '''Dork of Ages'''. Y'all should be sending every last complaint and hatred towards—rain down upon him. Send him every last email you can. Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, [gives a thumbs down] along with him.<ref>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)
]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used on [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he created Chris' Encyclopedia Dramatica page. This phrase was taken from the American Dad episode "Dungeons and Wagons", where Hayley called Steve the "Dork of Ages" while he played "Dragon Shuffle".</blockquote>

;Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Backstabber.

<blockquote>''You could be a Better, More Supportive Friend, instead of a '''Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic''' with your sweetheart!!!''<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-10-5-mad-at-kim-wilson.34948/]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bizarre attempt to turn the title of the Adult Swim cartoon, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] into an insult.</blockquote>

;[[Duck|duck]]
[[Image:BentDuck.jpg|thumb|right|An example of a bent duck]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's penis

<blockquote>''MY '''DUCK''' HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially "duck" was taken to be a typo of "dick" since the "u" and "i" keys are close together. It was later revealed that Chris was using this neologism as an intentional euphemism to refer to his own penis.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mumble_8</ref>

''See also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]]</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== E ==
|-
|

;elbow-greased
[[Image:Elbow-Greased Strength.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris gets swole]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Earned from hard work and exercise

<blockquote>''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism. It appears in his [[resume]], where he lists "elbow-greased strength" as one of his "functional skills"''</blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the idiom, "elbow-grease", a figure of speech humorously used for tasks that involve manual labor only. </blockquote>

;[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]''

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the characters found in Sonichu which are hybrids of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] characters and/or Pokemon.

<blockquote>''Since the inspiration and conception of Sonichu, the '''Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon''' on March 17, 2000, I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_resume</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Despite the name, a majority of "Electric Hedgehog Pokemon" are neither Pokemon or hedgehogs. This misnomer may come from Chris's original characters being hybrids of two Sonic characters, both of whom are hedgehogs (Sonic and Amy Rose) and two Pokémon (Pikachu and Raichu).</blockquote>

;emotional differences

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A strong disagreement between two people.

<blockquote>''I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, '''emotional differences.'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Father_Call#The_Shit_Hits_the_Fan</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris mentioned that he got terminated from [[Wendy's]] in the [[Father Call]], due to their "emotional differences", possibly meaning that a heated argument between him and his employer ensued.</blockquote>

;empirical
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' resorting to experience to gain knowledge rather than through scientific means.

<blockquote>''So, throw away the book talk; be '''empirical''' and believe what you know is fact'' <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2012_Facebook_posts#Empirical</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris attributed the nearly opposite definition of the word to Jeremy Hilary Boob PhD, a character from [[Wikipedia:Yellow Submarine|''Yellow Submarine'']]. Considering this, Chris must have picked up this strange definition from the content in the Beatles Edition of ''Rock Band''.</blockquote>

;entendre

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Charisma or attraction

<blockquote>''Too much '''entendre'''?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Derived from the phrase "double entendre", a figure of speech used for words or phrases with a double meaning, typically [[Duck|with]] [[Mass Debating|one]] [[China|of]] [[Recycling|them]] [[Pickle|being]] [[Comeuppance|risque]].<ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/double%20entendre</ref> In English, the word "entendre" isn't typically used outside of the phrase itself, but in many other languages like French and Catalan, it is understood to mean "to hear" or "to understand". Chris, thinking he knows everything there is to know about the English language, once again thought he would sound smart by using this obscure word.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== F ==
|-
|

;[[Fangs|fangs]]
[[File:Showing_Off_Fangs.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How Chris imagined himself when showing off his canines]]
[[File:ChrisCavities.JPG|thumb|right|200px|The reality. The red arrows point to Chris' cavities]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's canine teeth.

<blockquote>''They're called Eye-Teeth, but they feel and look like '''fangs''' of a vampire, dog or something to me.''<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Your_understanding_me_fukky_.281_January_2009.29]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I'm not afraid to SHOW MY '''FANGS'''!''<ref>[[CWC_Update_8_January_2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes his teeth to be unordinary compared to most other people's teeth, apparently believing canine teeth are some kind of special trait only a selected few people have. Because he believes his canines to be menacing, he gave them the name "fangs". Once in a while, Chris would show off his decaying teeth to scare his enemies. This usually works, although for the wrong reasons.</blockquote>

;faredoo
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection, imperative verb)'' Parting salutation, akin to "goodbye".

<blockquote>''Vessel of my loneliness for the past three years of anguish. I bid you fond...'''faredoo'''. Adieu. Fond farewell adieu...''<ref>[[The MovingFoward videos]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Accidental portmanteau of "farewell" and "adieu".
</blockquote>

;fart-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb and perverted.

<blockquote>Ha Ha! Take THAT, you '''fart-minded''', jerk MALE among ALL fart-minded, jerk Males that make up the Majority of the Worldwide Male Population! -:D<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivtWQTjXCDs</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in the comment section of a Stopmotion Lego animation, where a ''Lego'' minifigure is in a sexual relationship with a ''Lego Friends'' minifigure. Throughout this video, the Lego minifigure essentially acts how Chris believes most men do. At the end of the video, the male minifigure proceeds to fart, which disgusts the female minifigure. Also a possible butchering of the phrase "brainfart", which is used to humorously refer to a moment of absentmindedness.</blockquote>

;firstly
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' A word that indicates that Chris is about to tell someone why he's right. Often not followed by an enumerated list of reasons, despite the implication.

<blockquote>'''''Firstly''', Aspergers is NOTHING Similar to Autism; Aspergers pertains to MEMORY, Autism is Social Skills. and I'm High-Functionally Autistic''<ref>[[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC chat, 02 January 2009]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Use of "firstly" to begin a list, rather than "first," is a matter of dispute. While both words exist in the dictionary, "Firstly" has fallen out of common use in speech and tends to sound more formal, perhaps overly so. Chris seems to like this formality, probably because he thinks it sounds smart.
</blockquote>

;fondful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' fond.

<blockquote>''Faithfully yours with '''fondful''' thoughts; Chris Chan.''<ref>[[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007|Chris's email to Megan Schroeder]], 06 July 2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently doesn't understand that "fond" is already an adjective by itself.
</blockquote>

;for good-like
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' final, but with the imagined possibility otherwise.

<blockquote>''And in June of 2008, he banned me from the store '''for good-like'''.''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails|Chris's email to The Wallflower]], 18 February 2010</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusing modification of "for good".
</blockquote>

;foundate
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To dedicate, as in a monument or building.

<blockquote>''I, Christian Weston Chandler, re-'''foundate''' this monument that is the PAGE with MY SOLE HONEST TRUTH from my sound mind and heart.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#Captain.27s_Log.2C_Stardate:_June_6.2C_2009|2=Christian in his Own Words}}.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely a portmanteau of "found" and "dedicate", or a bizarre attempt to convert "foundation" into a verb.
</blockquote>

;four-boomerang-shaped symbol
[[File:Fourboom.jpg|thumb|right|"G'Day welcome to Auschwitz"]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' minced oath for "[[Wikipedia:swastika|swastika]]," especially the ''Hakenkreuz'' symbol of the [[Nazis|Nazi]] Party.

<blockquote>''Like Most People, I do not care much for Adolf; he was a terrible man, and even in jest, I WOULD NEVER want to portray him, much less, his '''four-boomerang-shaped symbol''' (I know what it is called, but I do not wish to type the word).''<ref>[[Mailbag 5#That wacky Hitler|Mailbag 5]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris was apparently afraid to say the word "swastika," probably for the same reason he used to [[Niggos|fear using racial slurs]].
</blockquote>

;fourth wall

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A boundary that separates [[Reality Cartoon|reality cartoons]] and [[Dimensions|dimensions]] from dimension C-197.

<blockquote>''Hey, Everyone. I have another announcement for you all to do now, for yourselves and our OCs: Break Your Own '''Fourth Wall'''.
<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1195039493130199041</ref>''</blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' An abstract force that prevents people from talking to their OC's.

<blockquote>Our OCs in C-197 often break their '''fourth walls''', because they are aware of us, and it is our time and turn to return the favour.</blockquote>

Origin: Comes from the phrase "breaking the fourth wall", a figure of speech humorously used on characters that acknowledge the audience directly, or state their awareness of the media they're in. Chris has taken this to mean that all dimensions in the universe are separated by this kind of barrier, therefore calling them "the fourth wall". In a recent Twitter post, Chris has also stated that this mysterious force is the reason why people cannot see or interact with their OC's, but that the OC's themselves are fully aware of their creators, so will eventually break through the barrier every once in a while to speak to people of other dimensions.</blockquote>

;[[Friend Zone|friend zone]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The dreaded moment a sweetheart rejects you.

<blockquote>''A lot of times, especially if the friend in question is opposite of gender 18 or older, they may have sex on the brain. And when that person hears from you that you just want to be friends, or in the other term, put into the '''Friend Zone''', that person will feel like they failed at getting the sex they wanted, or Ever will from you.''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The lousiest excuse a sweetheart could give for not having sex with Chris.

<blockquote>''Nothing has happened in Women's Rights; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone the woman deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The Friend Zone refers to a relationship where one person desires romance, while the other only shows interest in friendship. Much like his stance on the Three-Date Rule, Chris believed that the Friend Zone is simply another rule explicitly placed on him by some unspecified authority to slow down his progress on completing his [[Love Quest]]. His belief that this is simply an "excuse" to avoid having sex with him reveals a lot on why he was [[Megan|overly-persistent with]] [[Wallflower|some of]] [[Doopie|his sweethearts]]. He couldn't imagine why any woman would not want to have sex with him, so he came to the conclusion that every woman he stalks are simply unfamiliar with sex and what goes into it.</blockquote>

;[[Fuzzy-wuzzies|fuzzy-wuzzies]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The rewards of giving Chris compliments.

<blockquote>''Compliments will get you '''fuzzy-wuzzies'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Believed to be another example of Chris' random-access humor.

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|prickly-wicklies]]
</blockquote>

{{clear}}
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== G ==
|-
|

;[[Gal pal|gal-pal]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a female friend.

<blockquote>''And also, I would like to give a shout-out to...Ivy, sweet '''gal-pal''' of mine...and her friend Rachel across the hall from her, in a college within these United States!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Update_18_March_2009_More_Updated</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris rarely refers to any of his female friends as just "friends", simply because he thinks that all female friends have the potential to be [[CWC-isms#S|sweethearts]] before they're in the dreaded [[Friend Zone]]. Chris also states that due to his autism, this somehow means that he gets along much more easily with girls than with guys. <ref>Autism Tutorial Part 5</ref> Although this could be more due to the fact that he overall has had much better experiences with girls than with boys growing up, especially in high school. This has caused him to pick up more [[Transgender|effeminate traits and characteristics]]. The term "gal-pal" is typically used by women when they are talking to other people in their social clique. Chris therefore picked this phrase up from the girls he's talked to (possibly using the phrase because he sees himself as "one of the girls"). It is also common for [[homos]] to use this to refer to their female friends.
</blockquote>
;gawd
<blockquote>
1. ''(interjection)'' eye dialect of "god", Used in the place of "god" when it is used to express annoyance, shock, or pain.

<blockquote>''Life is f***ed up. (I had a real stressful Sunday afternoon) '''Gawd'''! Just... GAWD!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/2017_tweets#STRESSFUL_SUNDAY._GAWD.21</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly meant to add dramatic effect to saying "god", which is already used to add dramatic effect.</blockquote>

;gaybian
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a male lesbian.

<blockquote>''Uh… simply put—and I am willing to say this… in sound mind and body: I… am a '''gaybian'''.''<ref>[[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only used this word once in the video [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]. Before this video, [[Clyde Cash]] had threatened to harm [[Julie]] under the condition that Chris refuses to admit that he's gay. Chris being Chris, he had absolutely no idea that he was once again under another elaborate trolling scheme, and had no clue how to handle the situation. Chris thought he could be sly and admit to being gay, while also being attracted to women. Thus, he tacked on the word "gay" onto "lesbian" to create the word "gaybian" so that he can say that he's a "male lesbian", despite this being a complete contradiction within itself.</blockquote>

;geinus
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|I'M A MAD GEINUS! ROBOTNIK! ROBOTNIK!]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a genius

<blockquote>''Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad '''geinus'''! Robotnik, Robotnik!''<ref>[[Sonichu 1]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An accidental misspelling of "genius", this CWC-ism is the result of Chris's ability to spell, or lack thereof. In his futile attempts to spell words with "eni", he substitutes this with "ein", possibly due to his habit of spelling words phonetically.</blockquote>

;get it through your skulls
<blockquote>
1. (''phrase'') Used to clarify something to your fans
<blockquote>''So everybody '''get it through your skulls''', I'm the real deal.'' <ref>[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this term a lot when trying to clarify various misconceptions about him, such as his straightness, and who the real CWC was. Variations of the phrase include "GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS", "Get it through your damn, dirty, immature skulls!", and "Get through your damn, dirty, stupid, idiotic, immature skulls".</blockquote>

;gitar
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A guitar

Origin: How Chris pronounces the word "guitar".
</blockquote>

;give birth, give the birth
<blockquote>
1. ''(verb)'' To transfer possession of the state of having been born, by bearing as offspring.

<blockquote>''My mother and my father are both really nice, old-fashioned-type people who not only '''gave the birth'''--gave me birth at their ages...which my mother is sixty-six, currently, and my father is currently eighty. They both just turned that way in the last couple of months. And, uh, I was born in 1982. They gave me the birth...then, and, uh, anyway, it was so nice of--for them to give me the, uh, birth during the early [[1980s]].''<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to think that a sentence like "Barbara gave birth to Christian" is grammatically equivalent to a sentence like "Barbara gave Go-bots to Christian."
</blockquote>

;GO!
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Having a style similar to the cartoon ''Teen Titans Go!''.

<blockquote>''As MUCH, as I would like to agree; Cute as it may be, it is still '''GO!''' Version, and #GOPony is something we Really do not like.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1211396957203247104</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' Of a descent originating from [[Dimensions|dimension CZ-69]].

<blockquote>''Just; Most '''GO!''' individuals are...NO!!!''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1215833863718567937</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this CWC-ism to describe his distaste for the MLP:FiM spinoff series [[Pony Life]], believing it to be in the same vein as Teen Titans Go! due to its artsyle. He would go around on his [[Twitter]] account spamming Hasbro and/or users showing any interest in the show with some of his TSSSF cards as a means of protest using this euphemism to put it under a bad light.
</blockquote>

;go make a rhyme
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate that he is in a [[Chris and writing|poetic]] mood.

<blockquote> ''Oh, Back Off, '''go make a rhyme'''. Love will come your way in good time.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/913230475774369794</ref> Keep Heart, Have hope and faith. Life is a coinkie-dink strafe. Have an open heart, don’t be afraid. Your sweetie is likely in your friendship parade.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris intended to write a rhyme in order to sound poetic in a tweet, continuing with the rhyming schtick in several subsequent ones. Due to his own laziness, the best Chris could come up with in terms of words that rhyme with "time" is "rhyme".
</blockquote>

;[[Godjesus]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|This is who Chris actually believes in.]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(shorthand)'' God and Jesus Christ.

<blockquote> ''As I have guide, as I was guide [sic] by, uh, God and Jesus. And because I, uh, cheated on Ivy lately, '''Godjesus''' were mad at me, so, even though she r-, even though she requested the recent items of question, sex-, [quietly] sexual stuff--videos and pictures--I am being punished because the trolls are getting their hands on them.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Matthew_5:27,_CWC_Confessions</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And also, who I'd like to thank, '''GodJesus''', our God and our Lord and savior, for their support, for their support as well, I pray to them every day, and I follow, I am guided by Jesus.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Update_9_April_2009</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris appears to be somewhat aware of the Holy Trinity (Holy Spirit, Son, and Father), the three forms that God takes in mainstream Christianity. Despite accepting Jesus as the son of God, Chris believes that God and Jesus are essentially the same entity. As a result, whenever he mentions God, he is never reluctant to mention Jesus in the same sentence. Because of this, Chris made this CWC-ism as a shorthand of "God and Jesus". This CWC-ism was the primary inspiration for the term "[[Godbear]]" to humorously refer to [[Leonard Bearstein]], who Chris has credited for his name change. Chris now no longer uses his CWC-ism, now referring to both God and Jesus as separate [[OCs]]. Chris now calls God "Emmanuelle".</blockquote>

;grinds my gears
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate he is annoyed with something.

<blockquote>Firstly, I got your image in my mailbox; while I thank you for your fanart, No Offense, but I do not appreciate Sonichu drawn looking retarded; I feel it '''grinds my gears''' a bit.<ref>[[Mailbag_2#In_which_Chris_insults_someone_who_drew_a_picture_for_him]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>Something that '''grinds my gears''' is how people are not accepting of the neutral terms of "darling" or "dear".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:OpenLetter.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase almost every time he wanted to indicate he was annoyed and not outright [[angry]]. It is believed that Chris has picked up this archaic phrase from [[Family Guy]], specifically from a segment from the show called "What Really Grinds My Gears", where Peter is talking about things that annoy him or "grinds his gears".

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== H ==
|-
|

;hand-drawing
[[Image:Chris holding a pencil.png|thumb|Chris holding a pencil|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An original drawn image, as opposed to a facsimile of that image.

<blockquote>''I mean, does that look like a printout to you? No! It's a '''HAND-DRAWING'''! It's the original hand-drawing of the back cover I constantly used! Among all the other hand drawings on my SHELF! In my BINDERS! IN THIS ROOM! In this house!''<ref>[[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(verb)'' To sketch without the aid of digital technology, such as a computer.
[[File:Sonichuipaddrawing2020.jpg|thumb|A non-example made by Chris.]]
<blockquote>''No, actually, what I thought, is that you skip the '''hand-drawing''' and you draw everything on your PhotoShop with your computer mouse.''<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's process for producing his drawings is to draw them, by hand, on physical paper, and then scan the paper into his computer and use image editing software to add effects like lettering or (for the purpose of breaking the fourth wall) photographs. He takes comfort in the belief that ownership of the original paper drawings is evidence of his authorship and will frequently cite this in defense against perceived thieves and trolls.

Chris also thinks that drawing on a computer instead of paper is an inferior method of producing artwork; he thinks the results look "blocky and low-resolution," which probably speaks more to his [[:File:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg|his own experience using MSPaint]] than the artistic quality of, for example, [[Asperchu]]. The fact that a digital artist like Alec Benson Leary is nonetheless ''using his hands'' does not seem to have occurred to Chris.
</blockquote>

;Haterade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a metaphorical drink consumed by haters.
<blockquote>''Therefore, for all of you '''Haterade'''-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress. <ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Put down the '''Haterade'''; this is not going against any rules, it is just the way it is. Hey! I still have my flaws, so I am definitely Not a Mary Sue type of OC. Also, if I wanted a shot glass of '''Haterade''', I would read most anything this dimension’s @realDonaldTrump ever wrote.''<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun, informal)'' excessive negativity, criticism, or resentment.

<blockquote>''This is in reference to the Nypical '''Haterade''' Comment of “Get A Job” that is not only thrusted upon me, but to everyone who is creative and have powerful in their own respective, individual rights.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Originally said by Lars in the 2010 [[Lars Call]]. Chris then used it almost nine years later. Likely a pun on the sports drink Gatorade.
</blockquote>
;[[heart level]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his emotional state

<blockquote>''100% Change the number to change your '''heart level''' and you can write a sentence to indicate how you feel.''<ref>[[Heart_level]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The concept of the "heart level" most likely stems from Chris's inability to understand emotions. As an alternative, Chris tends to use video game terms in order to measure such emotions.</blockquote>

;heal
<blockquote> 1. ''(verb)'' to ejaculate into someone.

<blockquote>''Had I Not '''healed''' her, she would be dead Late August.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had somehow come to the conclusion that fucking his mother would make her more youthful, hence "healing" her.

</blockquote>

;heartsweet
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Rosey, as often as birds tweet, will you be my lovely '''heartsweet'''?''<ref>"[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]"</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Rearrangement of "sweetheart," possibly coined initially to provide more rhyming options in poetry. Chris primarily uses this term in Sonichu's dialogue, as the character's pet name for Rosechu. When speaking for himself, Chris tends to prefer "sweetheart," although the trolls use "heartsweet" in conversation with him.

''See also: [[sweetbolt]]''
</blockquote>

;heavyweight
[[File:Studalert.png|thumb|Chris does NOT look like Chris Farley]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Stockboy; person employed to move heavy objects and perform other menial labor.

<blockquote>If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY. [...] If I have to I would be, get one of the '''heavyweights''', that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' heavy.

<blockquote>I do not think Chris Farley looks like me at all, plus he was a LOT more '''heavyweight''' than me, and he was more wild than me.<ref>[[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, as usual, has to repurpose words rather than use the existing words that already mean what he wants to say.
</blockquote>

;hedgehog-defensive (or hedgehog)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Protecting oneself by curling up into a ball, just like a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]].

<blockquote>And I do understand all that. Believe me, and I need not be reminded of the worst part, but my '''hedgehog-defensive''' state and all of the tears and leaking mucus and whole body paralysis that happened to me then and there will haunt me in reminder of that.<ref>[[TooManyGames#Personal_space_talk]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>@MLPSilverQuill, having one’s own spirit killed is really not fun nor funny at all. And, believe me, I was literally in a worse huddled position than what I see here, and I FELT DEVASTATED at that moment. I went full '''Hedgehog Defensive''' and let my quills keep others back. It Hurts<ref>[[April_2019_social_media_posts#Hedgehog-defensive_state]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacing the likes of his [[Megatron pistol]] and his [[pepper spray]], Chris has adapted the habit of rolling up into a ball to protect himself from unwanted physical contact. The protective state he dubs "the hedgehog-defensive state" is most likely based off of the spin-dash attack from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, which the titular character uses to attack foes.</blockquote>

;[[HEXBox]]
[[File:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the video game consoles made by Microsoft, primarily the XBox 360.

<blockquote>I never cared for the '''HEXBox''', and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT.</blockquote>

Origin: Due to his [[Chris and brand loyalty|Brand Loyalty]], Chris had an irrational hatred for the XBox, simply because of how much you've got to pay for it to access some of its content<ref>[[Mailbag_5]]</ref>. Because Chris viewed this device as a curse to humanity, he tacked the word "hex", which is defined as being a curse, onto the original name of the console.</blockquote>

;hide behind/under his mother's skirt
<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' To behave in a cowardly, immature fashion.

<blockquote>''You come to me now. Come face me like a man. Unless you want to continue being called a cow-a quivelling coward who '''hides under his mother's skirt'''.''<ref>[[Challenge for Clyde II]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An antiquated phrase alluding to children literally hiding behind their mother's skirts when frightened.
</blockquote>

;hippo on one's head
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A predicament or unpleasant situation one is currently facing

<blockquote>''I'M WET. I'M COLD. THERE'S A HIPPO ON MY HEAD. AND CLEARLY, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN.''<ref>[[:File:JailArt15.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Someone's [[wikipedia:Hippocampus|hippocampus]]

<blockquote>''(EVERYBODY has a Hippo on their head; it is called the Hippocampus)''<ref>[[:File:FSM2.PNG]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris states in an e-mail directed at [[Regina Novakova]] that the phrase originated as an example of his [[random-access humor]], apparently as a pun of the word "hippocampus". Following from this, he would famously use the term in a [[HippoOnYourHead|Flipnote animation]] of a person literally getting crushed by a falling hippo, and then use the term several more times to describe the "weight" of the hippo on people's heads. He has lately used this term to describe his struggles with being in jail in a drawing sent to [[Praetor]].

</blockquote>

;[[homo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A male homosexual

<blockquote>''Yes; the '''Homos''' I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Common_Questions''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' homosexual

<blockquote>''Every one of you who thinks I'm '''homo''' and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm straight! I'm straight!''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(adjective)'' relating to homosexuals

<blockquote>''Again, to reiterate the issue, THE GOD DAMN F***IN' '''Homo''' Ads MUST BE GONE!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Blog</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had a hatred for homosexuals, out of fear that he'll become one himself. Even uttering words like "gay" and "homosexual" make him uncomfortable.</blockquote>

;[[Honest Content|honest]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' NSFW, containing adult content.

<blockquote>''Parental Advisory - VERY '''HONEST''' content.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic10P97.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only has a slightly good understanding of what honesty is. However, Chris doesn't seem to understand when it's most appropriate to be honest. In his mind, to attract mates, he has to be honest all of the time, even if this includes instances of his sexual misadventures. Chris knows that he's not supposed to discuss such topics publically with ordinary people, so he would have to keep such things in secret. Therefore, in his mind, it would be the honest thing to do to discuss such actions.
</blockquote>

;Hurtful Truth Level
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A point at which honest criticism should be stopped so as to avoid hurting a person's feelings, regardless of the usefulness of the advice.

<blockquote>''And another thing, When constantly exceeding that '''Hurtful Truth Level''' to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in an email to Jackie after she had pointed out several glaring flaws in Chris's lifestyle and personality. Rather than take her criticism to heart and improve himself, he got angry and defensive, wishing that she would show sympathy for him instead.
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== I ==
|-
|

;I can feel the cosmos
[[File:I can feel the cosmos.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Statement of achievement and oneness with the universe.

<blockquote>''I promise, uh, three da—three pages a day, drawn or colored, but, also with the, uh, website, and God/Jesus's support, I feel like... we will be seeing many new—many new thing. The website will be better. '''I can feel the cosmos!''' Peace.''<ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by a line from the game Katamari Damacy, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmWxNFq6_3U "Oh, I feel it. I feel the cosmos."]
</blockquote>

;I got a fish

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Claim that one owns a fish.

<blockquote>'''''I got a fish!''' Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fish Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish?''<ref>[[I_Got_A_Fish]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a song of the same name, where Chris' [[random-access humor]] shines.</blockquote>

;I HATE ME TOO!!!

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' A self-destructive phrase used to attempt to gain pity from trolls

<blockquote>''You know what, '''I HATE ME TOO!!!'''''<ref>[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as part of the title of a gallery found on Chris’s [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Page.
</blockquote>

;[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expressed angrily when you wish to break someone apart to kill them

<blockquote>''Jason Kendrick Howell... you BASTARD! BASTARD! You hacked into everything! You have driven me so beyond the wall, I can't even DESCRIBE it! YOU'RE LAUGHING NOW, BUT... '''I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD!''' Goodbye!''<ref>[[Jason Kendrick Howell message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as a [[death threat]] to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he has hacked Sonichu.net.</blockquote>

;IBAChandler
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Abbreviation for "I be a chandler," i.e., "I am a person named 'Chandler.'"

<blockquote>''I am so sick of hearing that stupid name that somebody made up back when I had that '''IBAChandler''' account, and I be a Chandler. You know, "I" being myself, "B" standing for specifying who I am, and "Chandler" being my last name.''<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(proper noun)'' [[YouTube]] username in use by Christian Weston Chandler during his conflict with [[Liquid Chris]], leading trolls to accuse Chris of being an impostor of Liquid named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]].

3. ''(proper noun)'' Name of a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' villain based upon Liquid Chris, ironically named for the real Chris's alias.

<blockquote>'''''I B A Chandler''', And I am here to copycatly sieze claim of you hedgehogs and this city from your absent mayor's domain.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 79</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by [[Bob Chandler]]'s license plate, "I B MR C" ("I be Mister C.").<ref>[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;ID
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Identifying.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and Vestites; '''ID''' as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-335#post-2635076]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly derived from ID meaning "Identification". </blockquote>

;[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the extremely high probability that any woman Chris talks to is not [[CWC-isms#boyfriend-free|boyfriend-free]].

<blockquote>''With the '''infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor''', I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_emails,_Aug-Dec_2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In general, Chris will almost never find a sweetheart.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sweetheart#Will_Chris_ever_have_a_Sweetheart.3F</ref> Already aware of this fact, but not willing to admit he's not at all attractive to most women, Chris blames it on the fact that most men are "jerks", and that one probably is already dating the woman he's trying to latch onto.</blockquote>
;information overload

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of spamming a webpage with pictures.

<blockquote>''I had thought the '''Information Overload''' would somehow Take Down the page; I admit that I was mistaken.<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: When Chris saw all of the explicit pictures on his Encyclopedia Dramatica page, he decided that the best course of action would be to spam the article with his own pictures. His logic was that if he kept doing this faster than the other editors, they'd have to delete the article, as they just wouldn't catch up with him.
</blockquote>

;instinction

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An instance of something being used a certain way.

<blockquote>''Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all '''instinctions''' and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_and_English</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Once again an instance of Chris trying to sound smart by using a word that sounds foreign to him, made up or otherwise. The end result, however, gives the impression that Chris isn't familiar with the word "instances".

</blockquote>

;[[Iron Curtain|iron curtain]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The mostly hermetic seal between [[Reality Cartoon]]s, such as the [[Chris and reality|real world]] and the fictional universe containing [[CWCville]], that prevents the [[Dimensional Merge]] from proceeding.

<blockquote>''But we are getting increasing magics, here, with more and more opening portals and growing tears and cracks in the '''iron curtain'''''.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-11-19-chris-begs-while-posting-creepy-photo-of-barb.63305/post-5610374 Twitter, 19 November 2019]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Coined by Sir Winston Churchill in 1946 to refer to the limits of Russian intrusion into central Europe after the War. Chris presumably heard it once in [[Manchester High School|history class]] and forgot what it meant, unless he is comparing his fictional world to the [[Chris and censorship|Soviet Union]]. Alternatively it was fed to him by the [[Idea Guys]].

''See Also:'' [[#F|fourth wall]]</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== J ==
|-
|
;Jail of Fail
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A rather unappealing jail to reside in.

<blockquote>''I have a temporary Soul Partner, a Holy Flame Type, you may Remember her (on her repentence tour) keeping me safe, well, not abused, and good, alongside Many (Good) Angels, Spirits, and OP allies in and around this '''Jail of Fail'''. We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary, along with very much appreciated Sports Bra, Socks with no holes, Earplugs, and a few other goodies.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in a letter to the long-time orbiter and enabler, [[Kenneth Engelhardt]].

</blockquote>

;janekop
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A female [[CWC-isms#jerkop|jerkop]].

<blockquote>''YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. SO SAYS THIS '''JANEKOP'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Feelings_of_the_election_results</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas the term "jerkop" is a portmanteau of the CWC-ism "jerk" and the word "cop", janekop is a portmanteau of the words "jane" and "cop". The word "jane" is a slang word for "woman". <ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jane</ref>
</blockquote>
;[[JERKS|jerk]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. Any man that Chris dislikes, particularly one that gets in the way of his LoveQuest.

<blockquote>''On the flip side, I feel discomfort around men, because they can be such mean and cruel '''jerks'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_Girls</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "jerk" is generally defined as "A person with unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior, typically mean, self-centered or disagreeable".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/jerk#Etymology_1</ref> As stated in the quote above, Chris believes that all men to be cruel, selfish, and overall unlikeable. Therefore, he views almost all men as jerks.
</blockquote>
;[[Jerkop|jerkop]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. An official of the law.

<blockquote>''I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid '''Jerkops'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Get-Tar_Region</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris views most officers of the law as jerks, due to how often they'd thwart his LoveQuest, the term is a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop". Possibly a pun on the word "jerkoff", which is defined as being "a contemptible man".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/jerk--off</ref></blockquote>

;[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAAAAAY]]
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|thumb|Chris preparing for hanky-panky with Julie, using a blow-up doll no less]]
<blockquote>''(interjection)'' 1. An expression used by Chris to indicate how much he'd love having sex for the first time with [[Julie]]

<blockquote>"Oh, Julie...'''JULAAAAAY''', JULAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/For_Julie%27s_Eyes_Only</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first shouted this infamous CWC-ism in the video [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]. He originally intended to share this video privately with [[Julie]], (unaware that 'she' was actually a 13-year-old male troll), to show what their first date would amount to, despite this breaking his Three Date Rule. Seeing how Chris was somewhat of a porn junkie,<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Chris%27s_Adam_%26_Eve_purchases</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Miyamoto_emails#Chris_Sets_the_Record_STRAIGHT</ref> Chris must have picked up that during sexual intercourse, one of the people may shout the name of the other person in order to "spice up" the orgy. When the video got leaked soon after, the term started to be used by trolls humorously, to the point where [[weens]] started using the phrase in excess, making the CWC-ism lose its luster.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;jumping the shark
<blockquote>''(verb)'' 1. To start over from scratch

<blockquote>"I am moving out of this Twitter into creating a new one I created, @CPU_CWCSonichu. New and renewed followers will all be screened by my ally, as to keep out the Haters and Harassers. Starting up new and fresh. '''Jumping The Shark''' from old to new"<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-2-12-chriss-new-twitter.53309/#post-4316470</ref>

</blockquote>

Origin: The term "jumping the shark" humorously refers to the point where something once popular which has begun to lose its viewer base pulls an extreme stunt in hopes of garnering attention. The term comes from an episode of the television show ''Happy Days'', where Fonzie literally jumped over a shark while water skiing. Ironically enough, despite Chris' misuse of the phrase, many people could easily say that the comic of Sonichu and Chris as a person have "jumped the shark" several times, especially with [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] and- of course- Chris's change into a [[Transgender|transwoman]].

</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== K ==
|-
|
;kawaii
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' cute or adorable.

<blockquote>''That look really suits you; you look so '''kawaii''' and cool.😊''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1209184205776797697</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The mainstream Japanese word typically used to describe cute subculture. Chris has used this word in almost all cases where he describes anything he thinks is cute and cuddly, more so in recent times, where the use of this word is no longer taken seriously, and seen as more of a joke to poke fun at [[Joshua Wise|weeaboos]].</blockquote>

;[[Kick the Autistic]]
[[File:CWC gets kicked.jpg|thumb|A self-administered kick]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' America's favorite game

<blockquote>''I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED CRYSTAL. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC!"''' *sigh*''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chop_Chop_Master_Onion%27s_Rap_Showdown</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any action which involves doing something to Chris that he doesn't like

<blockquote>''And if you have so much free time to play the cruelest game of '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC"''', then you CAN and SHOULD put the time to better use; volunteer for a social chore; take up the culture in tasteful art; go out and socialize.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#21_January</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' Any form of discrimination towards Chris for being [[autism|autistic]].

<blockquote>''And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of "'''Kick the Autistic'''". I'm gonna need all the luck I can get. *Game Over*''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Vivitheg%27s_AIM_chat</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had this paranoid idea that the whole world is going against him and his goals, solely due to his autism. In this sense, the fact that so many people supposedly wanted to thwart his goals made him feel like he was being "kicked" around. </blockquote>

;Kra-Kow!

<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase indicating that Chris roasted someone.

<blockquote>''What? I’m just telling the truth. I hear and see WORSE shit from you Haters. At this point, I’d rather look back in that memory than PTSD over y’all’s Hate-Filled content. '''Kra-Kow!'''''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1231269768310722560</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Most likely inspired by the sound lightning makes.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== L ==
|-
|

;Laughs Under Lucricities
<blockquote>
1. ''(backronym)'' backronym for "LULZ"

<blockquote>''Although, F.Y.I., "LULZ" is short for "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''"''<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any form of humor made at Chris' expense

<blockquote>''... your bully of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE''<ref>Chris emails 2008</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: It's likely that Chris first heard of lulz on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]-<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008#August]]</ref> the slogan of which is "in lulz we trust"- and thus forever associated the term with trolling. Originally he would simply say "LULZ" ''ought'' to stand for "Laughs Under Lucricities," but he soon began implying that it already does.<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2008|Email]] from Chris to Robert Simmons V on 12 August 2008</ref> Lucricities is seemingly a combination of "lucrid" (another non-word with apparent negative connotations that Chris has used<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 48]]</ref>) and "ludicrous" but falls short of being a portmanteau and is more like the result of a head-on collision of the English language.

</blockquote>

;lesbian soul
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' What Chris believes to be his true [[Chris and sexuality|sexuality]].

<blockquote>''I am an all-around, good natured, high-functioning autistic, Female '''Lesbian Soul''', and Transwoman, artist, gamer and creative type.''<ref>https://www.facebook.com/pg/cwcville/about/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris declared himself transgender, he continued to be attracted to exclusively to biological females regardless of their own sexual orientation.<ref>[[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's]]</ref> Thus, Chris became a lesbian. As a way to assert to detractors that he was a lesbian, Chris cited himself as having a "lesbian soul" despite previously living as a straight man for thirty years.

 </blockquote>
;level-up king
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Master of card games.

<blockquote>''There must have been about 6 people including Chris and myself at the tourney and when he won he was jumping up and down a yelling "I'm the '''level up king'''!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Follow_up</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before his permanent ban from the [[GAMe PLACe]], Chris would play games of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh with some of the other customers. Despite his sick obsession with both games, Chris never developed any type of strategy to compete with other players, making it very difficult to succeed at the game, even when he played against small children. Eventually, when the shop was just down to six people, which included Chris, the manager, [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]], and [[Lucas]], Chris did win a match against a relatively new player, and excitedly jumped up and down at this accomplishment like a child. Along with this, he shouted the phrase "I AM THE LEVEL-UP KING!"</blockquote>

;like, you know
<blockquote>1. ''(discourse particle)'' Space filler during sentence.

<blockquote>''I don't want too much conflict to happen, '''like, you know'''. You wouldn't want too much conflict to happen, like, you know. I mean-like, you know, between you and him any further. Yeah.''<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris' speech consists mostly of uh's, um's, and other vocalized pauses.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;live from home once again
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction stating that one is recording themselves from their home.

<blockquote> ''Hello everybody this is Christine Chandler coming to you '''live from home once again''' and we're going to talk about the recent and more obvious topic, of "The Dimensional merge". Yes! This dimension! Right here! 1218. Is going to be merged with our sister dimension "C197" where all of our s- where most of our superheroes, super-villains, OCs, and what have you, and other characters, consisted, have been existing and co-existing. Yep!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Dimensional_Merge_Announcements</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase became Chris's typical means of starting his videos since late 2015, replacing the famous Captain's Log. Although it is sometimes used appropriately (i.e. livestreams), Chris uses the phrase even in prerecorded videos that are not, in fact, live.</blockquote>

;[[Love Quest]]
<blockquote>1.''(noun)'' Chris's former on-going search for a sweetheart.

<blockquote>''As for Wes, I blame all of these happenings on him. If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me, I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring '''LOVE QUEST'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Story_of_My_Current_Days</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since attending [[PVCC]], Chris has embarked on a 15-year long quest to find his true love. Chris constantly failing to achieve this goal was what gave this CWC-ism its name.</blockquote>

;lovehog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A lover in a relationship between two [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Also, I have finished the drawing for you, and I have shown off the Original '''LoveHog''' Couple's Wedding Rings, and their three children: Cerah Rosey, Robbie Sonee and (Shiney Rosey) Christine Rosey.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Katie_Bay_E-mails_4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehog".</blockquote>

;lucricities
<blockquote>1. ''(pl. noun)'' lurid acts or motivations

Origin: Chris completely made this word up, presumably based on "lucrid," which may in turn be based on the actual word "lurid." According to Chris, the word "lulz" can mean either "Laughs at my expense" or "Laughs under lucricities," so presumably the two contexts are equivalent.
</blockquote>

;lucrid
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' obscene, profane, wicked
<blockquote>''And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose—such '''lucrid''' mockeries is not gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...''<ref name=csm>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Possibly a corruption of "lurid," given the context. Alternatively, it might be a corruption of "ludicrous." Chris has used this word to describe the homoerotic/dickgirl art on the ED page, as well as the fan comic in which he was depicted as a man-baby. Ironically, even before Chris used this word
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== M ==
|-
|

;make one's own peeps n' poops

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to urinate and deficate at the same time

<blockquote>''Uh, actually, uh, actually Crystal is uh, doing, is uh, doing her preschool homework, and uh, Reg-, and Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' babychild! '''Made his lil' peeps n' poops'''! And he went, and he went weewee all over the bathroom.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/PlayingHouse''</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a clip of Family Guy, where Herber the Pervert is letting his dog out to "make his pees n' poops". <ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtlwEfZEmrg</ref></blockquote>

;Mama
[[File:Christine and pikachu.jpg|right|thumb|Mama Christine with a [[Sonee]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' What Chris refers to himself as when roleplaying as one of his [[OCs]].

<blockquote>''I am going to some shopping and donating amongst the artists affected by the COVID virus of this Dimension, on behalf of '''Mama''', Chris Chan Sonichu. Thank you, again, to the individual who bought the book set recently. Still waiting for the set of #TSSSF cards to sign and offer.''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1251259373810302977</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes himself to be a parent to his characters. Since he identifies as a woman, he has given himself the alias “Mama”. Chris further shows his lack of self-awareness by not realizing how awkward it is to have anyone, even his own characters (who are presumably teenagers) refer to him as such.</blockquote>

;[[Mass debating|mass debate]]
[[File:Mass_Debate.jpg|right|thumb|Massive Debating]]
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to pleasure one's self; to masturbate

<blockquote>''I've actually done it '''mass debating''' to myself so many times, even with a hunk of - even with an inflatable plastic woman...''<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This particular euphemism comes from Chris's tendency to refrain from using inappropriate language, as well as his unusual variation of a southern accent combined with a minor speech impediment.</blockquote>

;[[Manajerks|manajerk]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a store manager

<blockquote>'' two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT!''<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]] (20 July)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmantau of "manager" and "jerk". </blockquote>

;mashed potato grenade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[Wikipedia:Stielhandgranate|Stielhandgranate]], a special German hand grenade with a handle.

<blockquote>''I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my '''mashed potato grenade''' could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2013_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a Facebook post sent to [[Megan Schroeder]] accusing her of his ban from the [[Game Place]], where he [[Chris and reality|makes paranoid claims]] of what she, [[Mimms]], [[Lucas]], and [[Snyder]] were thinking that day. A corruption of "potato masher grenade", a common English nickname of the Stielhandgranate<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stielhandgranate</ref>.</blockquote>

;mental block

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris' autism

<blockquote>''And, uh, during my high school years, I was used to being surrounded by… girls… in my circle, and after having to, uh, leave them I felt ever so lonesome. And, after the stress from some of the people—people at PVCC, as well as my '''mental block''' of autism, it became hard from me to approach gir—approach the girls like I used to.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Chan%27s_Public_Announcement</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to his [[autism]] as a "mental block" because he believes the term refers to a disability. In his case, his supposed disability to socialize with girls. In reality, a mental block is the inability to remember a specific thing at a given moment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_block</ref></blockquote>

;Meta

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' being able to break through the fourth wall.

<blockquote>''Also, there is no problem with breaking your own fourth wall with us from your dimension, here. Go '''Meta'''. We are certainly Meta with and for you all as well.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1316825180610670592</ref></blockquote>

Origin: From the Greek prefix meaning "after" or "beyond". Chris views all cartoons as being on a dimension higher than our own. According to him, being able to break through the iron curtain entails obtaining a higher mode of consciousness.
</blockquote>

;mislabel

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to put a label on Chris or any of his creations in a way he doesn't like, regardless of truth
2. ''(noun)'' a label of such slanderous nature; see also "misunderstanding"
<blockquote>''I am NOT a Dictator. Why are you giving me an even WORSE '''Mislabeling''' than the Homosexual Mislabelings? Why do YOU have to be so bored that you have to make up NEW mislabelings to try and deface me over and over again? ''<ref>[[Common Questions#1_February_2010]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Just about everywhere. He appears to use this term as often as the word "slanderous". Curiously, the redundancy "ill-mislabeling" (as if there were any other kind) has appeared once.<ref>[[CWC Blog#28_December_2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;misspeak

<blockquote>1.''(verb)'' to lie

<blockquote>''Sometimes, I have '''misspoke'''. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. Hand to God. And on my Bible. I'd have to go look for it.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/ToJackie</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Instead of accepting that someone has called him out on [[Lies|his bullshit]], Chris prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this ploy.

</blockquote>

;misunderstanding

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a deliberate view that contradicts Chris; see also "mislabel"
<blockquote>''*AND WE WILL NOT TAKE THE '''MISUNDERSTANDINGS''', THE MISLABELS, AND ALL THE LIKE SITTING DOWN!!!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Issue_9/Page_39|2=Issue 9 Page 39}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misappropration. Note that it is not, as in reality,<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misunderstanding Merriam-Webster Dictionary, "misunderstanding"]</ref> a mistaken notion (alternatively a dispute) based on faulty information, but a malicious action worthy of [[tard rage]]. Apparently a slanderous troll has to actively "misunderstand" Chris. Also, Chris has used the related word "misunderstood" (participle adjective) as an insult, not realizing that if the troll misunderstood (transitive verb) him, ''Chris'' would be the one that was misunderstood (participle adjective).<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Rosechu_the_transwoman|Mailbag 39]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;modnar
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' random

<blockquote>''I may be '''modnar''', but I try not to be offensive, and if I do, then I am sorry. I can not please Everyone.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Random", spelt backwards.</blockquote>

;[[Monthly tugboat|monthly tugboat]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's Social Security Disability Service

<blockquote>"I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a '''monthly tugboat.'''"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Monthly_tugboat#References_by_Chris</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently coined the term "Monthly Tugboat" due to a comparison he makes between gaining money through his SSDS vs. winning the lottery. In his mind, winning the lottery is like riding a "Luxury ship that can easily sink", while gaining money from the government is the same as getting cargo from a ship pulled by a tugboat. <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_Skype_Logs_12</ref></blockquote>

;morrow

<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' Synonym for moral.

<blockquote>''The '''Morrow''' remains: Look up to whoever and whatever you like as your childhood hero like no one else is watching you; remain proud with your choice and preference. 💜⚡️''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Chris supports playing with whatever toys you want]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Unknown, possibly a corruption of the word moral. Used exclusively by Magi-Chan during Chris month-long twitter roleplay in August and September of 2019.
</blockquote>

;[[Muscle bra|muscle bra]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A sports bra used for covering a man's bare chest.

<blockquote>''And you know what, I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a '''muscle bra'''. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Clyde_is_Weaker_than_Water</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Contributing to his previous fear of the homos, Chris also had a fear of seeing the bare chests of other men out of fear that it'll make him gay. He therefore suggested that men cover their chests under penalty of the law. Chris most likely adapted this name due to some weird association he makes between muscles and sports.
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== N ==
|-
|

;[[naïve]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb, lacking intelligence.

<blockquote>''You are such a cowardly, '''naïve''', retarded, individual.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers</ref ></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only seems to understand the most simplified definition of the word. In general terms, the word "naïve" is defined as "showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment."<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/naive</ref> However, in Chris's mind, the word is used to "question one's intelligence". Despite his distaste for the use of the word on him, this turns out to be a commonly used insult by Chris.</blockquote>

[[File:FRENCH-NAVY-CameraObscura.jpg|thumb|Chris travels to France]]
;navy
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' semen.

<blockquote>''You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the '''navy''' being drunk. Yeah. Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Play on words, i.e, a navy is a collection of seamen/semen.

''See also: [[CWC-isms#C|Comeuppance]]''
</blockquote>

;nearly same
<blockquote>1. ''(Adjective)'' Similar.

<blockquote>''And so I killed about- killed about twenty miles round trip for gas to go find her house. But it turns out that was a troll posing as that girl. [sighs] THE VOICES SOUNDED '''NEARLY SAME'''.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;negligent

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[negligee]]

<blockquote>So, I went onto Adam & Eve's website, and ordered three garments, and a transparent robe. One of the '''negligent''' is about exactly on what I had drawn onto myself.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An obvious mispelling of "negligee", a form of lingerie.

</blockquote>

;neurotypically hindered
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Lacking the proper mindset or intelligence to understand Chris' world building, just by being normal.

<blockquote>''Go ahead; that Is what happened that day, and they did not mind it much. To mock us makes you all Soo '''Neurotypically Hindered'''.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1203938198424035329</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes that the term "neurotypical" refers to having average brain function, rather than lacking any sort of [[Autism|autistic]] traits.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1207129697752141824</ref> He believes that if one only possesses average intelligence, it makes it impossible for them to fully accept his fantasy world, thus claiming it as a "hindrance".

</blockquote>

;neutral
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' platonic.

<blockquote>''I apologize, but I meant the term '''neutrally''', and I never meant anything from that.''<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And One More thing, Darling!... Talluah Bankhead would be Insulted with your response to the term's '''neutral''' usage. Hmpf!'<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes words like "darling" and "dear", are gender neutral terms. Because of this, he assumes that if he claims that he used it in a "neutral" way, people will know he's not using the term in a romantic tone.

</blockquote>
<blockquote>2. ''(adjective)'' politically centrist or nonpartisan.

<blockquote>''He is a communist! And we do not like communists within this country! We are Republican, Democrat or ''' neutral'''... And I am '''neutral''', so I can go either way, but I do not exactly care much for communism!'<ref>[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Niggo|niggo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An African-American person.

<blockquote>''Chris: [sighs, raises his voice] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE!</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: Where he will be raped by a bunch of '''niggos'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Julie_Reveals_Herself</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bastardization of the racial slur "nigger". This minced oath was used only once after [[BlueSpike]] persuaded Chris to say: "''BILLY MAYS is the new mayor of CWCville, and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers''". Chris decided to repeat this phrase, but he also thought he could "outsmart" BlueSpike by replacing "niggers" with "niggos" in order to avoid saying the offending word directly. Ironically, a whole year after the incident, Chris referred to [[Surfshack Tito]] as a "nigger" [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|several]] [[Surfshack Tito E-mails|times]], despite not even knowing what he looks like.</blockquote>

;No fucking shit / N.F.S.
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' obviously

<blockquote>''[[The WCT]]: Don't let [[Jacob Sockness|Jacob]] get close to you ever.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: '''No fucking shit'''.''<ref name=wctdms>[[WCT DMs]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''The WCT: The Sockness Saga will be something to watch when Geno gets there. ''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: '''N.F.S.'''.''<ref name=wctdms></ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another instance of Chris attempting to add unnecessary emphasis onto his writing.</blockquote>

;[[Nombie-zazis|nombie-zazis]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' zombie nazis

<blockquote>''Anyway, as for the medical study, and this will require your aid, Magi-Chan. In June of 2015, the scientists have found the gene-like molecule which makes a person turn...ugh..'''nombie-zazis'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Son10revp3.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacement for homosexuals and homosexuality in the revised [[Sonichu 10]].</blockquote>

;not-troll
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a victim of trolling.

<blockquote>''Consider who does more harassing, which do you block? <ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-278#post-2549629]]</ref>
<blockquote>
*Every Foul-Mouth Troll
*The '''Not-Troll''' they follow</blockquote>''</blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's mind, only two types of people exist on [[the Internet]], those who are trolls, and those who are victims of trolling. Because the person being trolled is supposedly '''not''' a troll, they are a "not-troll". Chris eventually deleted the aforementioned post, and reposted it, replacing "not-troll" with "victim" to clarify what he was referring to in the first place.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-279</ref></blockquote>

;[[Noviophobia|noviophobia]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the fear that someone you want to date is already dating someone else.

<blockquote>''His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of '''Noviophobia''', where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “A Jerk.”''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_News_Dash</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Because Chris was so frustrated with so many [[CWC-isms#J|jerks]] stealing his potential mates, Chris decided that his envy and hatred of men was a real phobia. Thus, overconfident in his ability to speak [[Spanish]], formed the word "noviophobia" by using the Spanish word ''novio'', meaning "boyfriend", and the English suffix, -phobia, meaning fear . </blockquote>
</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== O ==
|-
|
;[[OC]]
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creator. A god or deity, including [[Chris and religion#Delusions of godhood|Chris himself]].

<blockquote>''I recall that there was a Mythos about me online: myself, Chris Chan, I; I was an '''OC''' in my own stories; was I Real in this “Reality” that is Dimension 1218? And then I was confirmed in late 2007 with that blurry photograph of me in a moment of great shock and stress.''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creation. A resident of a [[Reality Cartoon|cartoon dimension]]

<blockquote>''I am pleased to announce from this collab piece alone, we have ten Sonichu/Rosechu '''OCs''' confirmed for the OC Expansion Packs of our #TSSSF set of cards, and then some, as I’m also delegating with my other friends as well. This is going to be a massive and lovely OC party!''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Short for ''original character'', a common term used by fanfiction authors for characters invented by themselves and used in their stories yet not present in the source material. Chris believes that fictional characters [[Chris and reality|really]] exist in other [[dimensions]], and under the [[Idea Guys]]' influence was convinced they are deserving of worship. Beginning with the Console Patron Units from ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'', he has since generalised this idea on his own.</blockquote>

;OH! MY AXELS! (or OW! MY AXELS!)
[[File:Axels2.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of pain in one's axles (the central shafts of rotating wheels or gears in a machine).

<blockquote>'''''OOOHHHHHH!!!! MY AXELS!!!!!'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Written for [[Ghostbusters|Ghost Buggy]]'s cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], based upon the character's tendency to complain about its aching mechanical components.</blockquote>

;OH, MY CHRIS CHAN!
[[File:CWC GoPony reaction.jpg|thumb|150px|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Exclamation uttered by Chris during his phases of holding a [[messiah complex]] and [[role-play]]ing as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].

<blockquote>''Why the Hell would you read that personal shit about [[Chris|Mama]] with [[Gal Pal E-mails 4#Chris fucks himself|the penis thing]]? '''[[CPU Blue Heart|Oh, My Chris Chan]]!'''''<ref>[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Typed as a comment for the [[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]] episode involving an embarrassing email.</blockquote>

;old-fashioned<blockquote>
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Holding a belief that may be considered politically incorrect.

<blockquote>''But still, call me '''old-fashioned''' but, I'd rather be- I would not- I'd uh- I'd definitely wouldn't uh... NOT BLACK. Not black.''<ref>[[Mumble_4]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''My father is '''OLD FASHIONED'''; he NEVER gives thought to homos, and he HATES them too.''<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to regard most traditional beliefs and rituals to be offensive to the general public.

2. ''(adjective)'' Dating back to the 1980s.

<blockquote>''Ah, you can tell this is an '''old-fashioned''' Lego set on account of this—the old-fashioned "LegoLand" on the corner.''<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to believe anything that's been made more than 5 years ago is as old as dirt.

3. ''(adjective)'' Preferring real women over waifus.
<blockquote>''Nothing against waifus and the people who have them, but I Never Really understood the appeal and concept of making out a character from a show who is Dimensions Away from your own league to be any sort of a significant other to you. I’m more '''old-fashioned''' towards real women.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/954587249622077440</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. However, Chris seemed to use this word like this because he's aware it isn't considered customary to be sexually attached to fictional characters over real people.

</blockquote>

;ounce of vagina

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Essentially Chris's way of saying "I'll at least lose my virginity at some point".

<blockquote>''And, as for you, Jason Kendrick Howell… as sure as I am to get at least one '''ounce of vagina''', I have your number, and you're going down!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Attention_All_Sonichu_Fans_(NOT_HATERS)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Obviously confused when it comes to both euphemisms and basic units of measure, Chris has stated that he is sure to get "at least one ounce of vagina" within his lifetime.<ref>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]</ref> Which, after an encounter with a girl named [[Mia Hamm]], may be true...[[Virgin with rage|or not]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008]]</ref>
</blockquote>
;outercourse
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the act of stimulating someone else's genitals.

<blockquote>''I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of '''outtercourse''''' [sic]'' (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_emails,_2008#Chris_thinks_she_was_scarred_because_she_doesn.27t_know_much_about_sex</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "outercourse" is actually another way to refer to dry humping.<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/outercourse</ref> In Chris's mind however, outercourse simply refers to sex which involves touching each other genitals, because they happen outside of the body.</blockquote>

;overinexperienced
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Being overly inexperienced.

<blockquote>''My Body is sexually overinexperienced, and Starved.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/May_2020_social_media_posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: It apparently didn't occur to Chris that sexual inexperience isn't the least bit comparative, at least not in the context where he intended to use this word.
</blockquote>

;overpowered (or OP)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' A disproportionate amount of strength, which is worn as a badge of honor.

<blockquote>''If I was a neuro-typical mind, as opposed to '''overpowered''' psychic, I’d have gotten dizzy. ''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A term normally meant to refer to imbalance in game mechanics. Chris adopted the term at some point during or after the [[Idea Guys]] saga as a way to brag about his nonexistent psychic abilities and ludicrously powerful fictional characters.</blockquote>

{{clear}}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== P ==
|-
|

;parkay
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an epic style of running

<blockquote>''Hello there, fans! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown mall, where for the Sonichu franchise and city of CWCville, and everything like that, I'm gonna do a '''parkay''' from this point all the way down to the gara--parking garage where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_Edge</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], Chris calls his style of running "parkay". Chris confused his running as a form of parkour, an acrobatic sport typically used in the military as a means of practicing the navigation of a complex environment without the use of equipment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour</ref>. Given Chris's [[Speech Impediment]], the word "parkour" somehow came out as "parkay".
</blockquote>

;[[Parody|parody]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any work that "borrows" characters, plots, or styles from other pieces of fiction, whether infringing International [[Copyright]] Law or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise '''parodic'''.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:Issue_8_Cover.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of what constitutes as a parody most likely comes from his interest in shows like [[Family Guy]] and [[Excel Saga]], the former of which use copyrighted characters to make jokes around them, and the latter of which parodied various clichés found in anime. In his mind, because those shows can get away with using such characters and scenes, that gives him an excuse to do the same thing in his comics as long as he states it's being done as a "parody". Ironically, Whenever Chris spoted an actual parody, he thought that the characters from the original work were being defaced.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Parody#Chris_does_not_understand_the_concept_of_parody</ref></blockquote>

;peanut
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who disregards you, or otherwise does not accept you for who you are.

<blockquote>''So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total '''peanuts'''. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?''<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Apparently derived from "[[Wikipedia:peanut gallery|peanut gallery]]," a term used to describe the hecklers in an vaudeville audience who would throw peanuts at a performer. Chris's own spin on this concept is to dismiss such hecklers as being insignificant like literal peanuts.
</blockquote>

;[[Pedofork|pedofork]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pedophile.

<blockquote>''I am not a '''pedofork''', you DORKS!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC%27s_Second_Message</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Created as a half-assed attempt to make "pedophile" rhyme with dork. Coined in Chris's [[Madman Rising]] video, in response to the trolls who were comparing him to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_(Family_Guy_character)| Herbert the Pervert] from Family Guy.</blockquote>

;[[Pickle|pickle]]
[[File:Pickle Rick.jpg|right|thumb|Chris bought this back in 2018. The brine soaked irony!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A penis, particularly one of [[JERKS|any man that isn't Chris]].

<blockquote>''Do me a favor, draw a VAGINA on my Rosechu, Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' '''PICKLE'''!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Chrisreply3.PNG</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "pickle" is one of the few hundred slang words for the word "penis".<ref>https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/PenisTesticlesSlang.pdf</ref> It is unknown why Chris prefers to refer to the penises of other men as "pickles", while he calls his own his "duck", but it may have to do with Chris's sexual insecurity and the fact that he legitimately hates actual pickles <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_4#Why_Chris_hates_pickles</ref>, whereas Chris thinks he's special enough to have a cutesy name for his own penis.</blockquote>

;[[Pmurt]]

<blockquote>1. ''(proper noun)'' The 45th president of the United States: Donald Trump.

<blockquote>''EID '''PMURT''' EID!!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Donald Trump's last name, but spelled backwards. In Chris's first usage of this CWC-ism, Chris mentioned how "Trump spelled backward is "Pmurt", which sounds like "hurt".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/September_2016_Facebook_posts#Registered_to_vote</ref>
Due to Chris's strong hatred for Trump, he frequently referred to Trump as Pmurt- believing that the spoken word of a backwards name has the power to degrade and weaken a person.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/U8C43P2A37A8_y_U8C1N023V0L</ref>. In Chris's eyes, if he repeated the word again and again, everyone would turn against Trump and start voting for [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary]]. Unsurprisingly, Chris had no sway over the election aside from his own vote.
</blockquote>

;poke
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana.

<blockquote>''Anyway, eclectic! High on the hedge and high on the hog. You want some of this '''poke''', mon?<ref>[[CWC address to Royal Board]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended as a demonstration of what "Soni-Chew the Eclectic Heeedge Hog Poke Mon of London, England" would sound like. A coded reference to Pokémon.
</blockquote>

;[[Polyamorous marriage|polyamorous]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Polygamous.

<blockquote>''I go'' [sic] ''married to Magi-Chan Sonichu and Cryzel Rosechu last March, and then I married Sylvana Rosechu and Mewtwo last June. We all share a '''polyamorous''' relationship.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Miss_Cherry_asks_Chris_about_his_marriages.png</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An etymologically malformed neologism from the 1970's for having multiple romantic or sexual relations at once, misapplied by Chris. </blockquote>

;[[Prickly-Wicklies|prickly-wicklies]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Punishments given for insulting or harming Chris.

<blockquote>''War gets you '''prickly-wicklies'''... as well as punches.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Warm_Fuzzy_Tale</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refer to ''Fuzzy-Wuzzies''.

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#F|fuzzy-wuzzies]]

</blockquote>

;[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
[[Image:PVCCitizens.jpg|thumb]]
<blockquote>1. ''(backronym)'' The headquarters of several Sonichu villains.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: The name itself is a backronym of the college Chris attended, [[PVCC|the Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. After experiencing several mishaps throughout his college experience<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_out_of_English</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_out_of_college</ref>, the dean giving him the cold hard truth about why his [[Love Quest]] is doomed to fail became the straw that broke the camel's back, and Chris thought it would be a smart idea to deface the college afterward in his comics.</blockquote>

;prowldent
<blockquote>1. ''(???)'' Unknown.

<blockquote>There's no quote to cite this from, just a logo in which Chris gives the name "Prowldent Virginia Community College" to [[PVCC]].<ref>[[:File:ProwldentVCC.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely combining connotations of "prowl" and "dent" (either to leave an indentation or [[fangs|teeth]]).
</blockquote>

;Pu Tuhs!
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Shut Up!

<blockquote>''SHE; my Ariel Starter was Female from the start, so '''Pu Tuhs!'''''<ref>[[December 2016 Facebook posts#Favorite Pokemon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Shut up" backwards. Because it is backwards, Chris thinks it is more debasing than the normal version of the phrase.
</blockquote>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Q ==
|-
|

;q-sand
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Short for quarter sandwich (i.e. a quarter of a sandwich).

<blockquote>
''So, mom ignored her and ate the '''q-sand''' in front of her.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Appeared in an [[Jackie E-mails 31|e-mail]] sent to [[Jackie]] dated August 5, 2011. Most likely unnecessarily used as a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]] abbreviation.
</blockquote>

;quarters
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An office space; headquarters.

<blockquote>''Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her '''quarters''' and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_Wikipedia_profile</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whenever Chris says that he's being brought to someone's office, he always refers to it as their "quarters", as if he was being brought to some kind of evil hideout. This could be to add unnecessary dramatic effect to his stories.

2. ''(noun, pl.)'' coins, no matter their origin or worth.

<blockquote>''Uhh. I want a soda, but it takes only C '''quarters''' and I only have W quarters. Do you have any change?''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The first time this word was used like this was in [[Sonichu 9]], where it is revealed that [[CWCville]] issues its currency in the form of "C-quarters" and "W-quarters". According to this issue, 10 C-quarters, make up a single W-quarter, which ultimately defeats the whole concept of the "quarter" coin. Despite being a part of the United States, CWC-ville still issues this strange form of currency, along with US dollars. Because of this, Chris likely decided to refer to his currency as "quarters" so that it could technically count as US currency.</blockquote>

;quite
<blockquote>1. ''(exclamation)'' A fancy replacement of the word "right" or "correct".

<blockquote>''Arthur: Magi-Chan, it's because of his-- you know, he wants to help all of his friends, and with his ability to contact them all simultaenously at the same time, it's an amazing ability to have.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Chris: '''Quite''', he is the psychic type, after all.''<ref>[[CatKnight Interview]'']</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adverb)'' to the utmost or most absolute extent or degree; absolutely; completely.

<blockquote> ''Hm. Not enough to, uhh... Well, he knows quite-- he can see '''quite''' a bit far into the future, but although there are details of which you might not be able to see, a point or two.'' <ref>[[CatKnight Interview]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''For a hundred dollars? Th-that's, that's '''quite''', that's uh, it'd take more funds for me to, more funds than that for me to be able to acquire the material figures...''<ref>[[CatKnight Interview]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris infamously used this word, along with "indeed" ad nauseam in his interview with [[Arthur Spatchcock]], believing that doing so is essentially the same as speaking his language, British if you will.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== R ==
|-
|

;raincoat
<blockquote>1. (''noun'') a condom.

<blockquote>''You ARE the woman...we gotta stop by Wall-Mall-Wart on the way for a "'''raincoat'''".''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "raincoat" is actually an archaic slang for the word "condom".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/raincoat</ref> Given that Chris has been raised by two geezers his whole life, and that part of his childhood has consisted of [[Gilligan's Island|old TV shows]], Chris thought that people would understand what he meant when he states that his Mary Sues are having protected sex with a raincoat.</blockquote>

;[[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]
<blockquote>1. (''noun'') non-sequitur.

<blockquote>''Punchy grew up in a dojo, where he perfected his punches. He is also full of '''random-access humor'''. He lost his tail in a brutal fight.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP5.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his brain is completely random, and it always spews out incoherent garbage. In his mind, this works in the same way a computer processes random-access memory.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

</blockquote>

;rapier
[[File:ReldnahcTheRapier .jpg|thumb|Reldnahc the Rapier]]
<blockquote>
1. (''noun, attributive'') rapist, sexual assailant.

<blockquote>
''Now! My '''rapier''' friend, I would very much like you to get off me, please.''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sonichu-12-pages-54-60.33547/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris-Chan Sonichu calls [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc#Fictional_biography|Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] his "rapier friend" in [[Sonichu 12|Sonichu #12]] after Reldnahc tackles him to the ground in a suggestive pose and touches his chest, thus (in Chris's hyperbolic mind) "raping" him. As a double double entendre, he could also be using the externally attested definition, as an adjective meaning "witty",<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rapier#Adjective</ref> and metaphorically referring to a kind of thin, sharp-pointed sword. This is incredibly unlikely due to Chris's basic understanding of the English language, and he most likely didn't know "rapist" is the term for one who rapes, not raper or rapier.
</blockquote>

;reality cartoon

<blockquote>
1. (''noun'') The universe.

<blockquote>
''Life is a cartoon; we are all the characters of the larger; the cartoons we make are part of our own universe; we're all a '''reality cartoon'''.''<ref>August 2017 tweets#"Life is a cartoon"</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris's life revolves mainly around [[Vidya]] and cartoons, it would make sense to him that the most believable explanation for the universe and everything in it is that it's all a cartoon. Likely related to Chris's known belief that [[Chris_and_reality#Fictional_characters_and_media|all fiction actually exists in alternate universes]]. Chris' interactions with the [[Idea Guys]] made this idea seem even more plausible to him.
</blockquote>

;[[Recycling|recycling]]

<blockquote>1. (''verb'') the act of one ingesting their own semen to preserve their sperm count.

<blockquote> I '''recycle''' my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Captain%27s_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009</ref> </blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having very little knowledge of how the male reproductive system works, thinks that men can run out of sperm from masturbating or orgasming too much. Fearing the loss of "potential children", Chris actually thinks that by ingesting the sperm back into his body, his sperm count will stay in balance, thus, he is "recycling" it.

</blockquote>

;reeb
[[Image:4centgarbagereeb.jpg|thumb|Glug! Glug! Glug!]]

<blockquote>1. (''noun'') beer or any other alcoholic beverage of the like.

<blockquote>''Then he glugs his '''reeb''', heh-heh, and then he conks out.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, thinking he's so clever, decided to censor any mention of the word "beer" in his comics, by spelling the word backward.</blockquote>

;Resident-Evil refrigerator

<blockquote>1. (''noun'') The refrigerator in the previous Chandler Household.

<blockquote>''Kitchen very much blocked off all over... with the '''Resident Evil refrigerator''' right there.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Tour_of_Chris%27s_House_II</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to the fridge as the "Resident Evil" kind, because in Japan, the game ''Resident Evil'' is known as ''Biohazard''.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Tour_of_Chris%27s_House_II</ref><ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resident_Evil</ref> Considering the quality of the household, that name may very well fit the description of the fridge in the state it was in before filming the [[Tour of Chris's House II|Second House Tour]].</blockquote>

;[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]

<blockquote>1. (''noun'') The female counterpart of the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]].</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Rosechu of CWCville, [[Rosechu]]. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the last name of the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' character, Amy Rose, and "Raichu", the evolved form of a Pikachu.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== S ==
|-
|

;[[saga]]
<blockquote>1 ''(noun)'' An ongoing event within Chris' life.

<blockquote>''A Sonichu Special: CWC's Love Quest '''Saga'''''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris was actually the first to use the term "saga" as Christorians know it today, using it as such when describing his Love Quest on the cover of [[Sonichu 4]]. It wasn't until the Miyamota Saga when the term was used by Christorians to describe ongoing events in Chris' life as we know it.</blockquote>

;salty
<blockquote>1 ''(adjective)'' showing more maturity or coarseness than is expected, especially knowledge of [[honest]] topics like [[Chris and sex|sex]].

<blockquote>''Ah, but I am not the weak person they think I am; I am much, much '''saltier'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon a line from "Bowling Girls", ninth episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'': "But I'm not the sweet little girl I was a few minutes ago! I'm much, much saltier now!" "Salty" in this context derives from naval lingo, since the most experienced sailors would have greater exposure to both the saltwater seas and worldly experiences.
</blockquote>

;[[Scale of Respect|scale of respect]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his respect for other people.

<blockquote>''I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my '''Scale of Respect''' each by 2 points''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Scale_of_Respect</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, like most other autistics, tends to view the world based on numerical values due to their lack of understanding of certain abstract concepts such as respect. Because of this, Chris made his very own numerical scale to decide on who should be respected, compared to who shouldn't.</blockquote>

;seinor
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of senior.

<blockquote>''A cool Junior or '''Seinor'''-Year student, and follow their example on asking others out''<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An example of how the “i before e rule” escapes Chris.

</blockquote>

;self-epic
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' describing a situation which is epic, and at the same time related to Chris and his various clones.

<blockquote>''And I will square-off in the TRULY '''SELF-EPIC''' Battle between me, and my Dark Half.''<ref>[[An Important Update]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Chris and his Ego|Self-explanatory]].</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;ship
[[File:Chillaxingcard.jpg|200px|thumb|An example of a "shipping".]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of two or more OCs interacting with or performing any given action towards one another, regardless of any romantic feelings.

<blockquote>''You must take a Pony card from the grid and reattach it elsewhere with this '''Ship'''. That card's power activates. At the end of the turn, until the Pony card attached with this '''Ship''' is discarded of removed from the grid, it gains the Keyword Villain.''<ref>[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:EpicOnlineBully.jpeg]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An abbreviation of the word "relationship". Chris learned the term from the card game ''[[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder]]'', a My Little Pony fan game satirizing the popular internet trend of shipping. He used the game as another creative medium to sell items to fans, trolls, weens, and enablers.</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;shitful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' hurtful; defamitory.

<blockquote>''And this is the last time I will ever say anything in response to your '''shitful''' and hurtful comments and hatred for Hate's Sake!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2014_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Shitful is a vulgar slang word, synonymous with words like "boat-load" or "truck-load". Chris may have seen the "shit" part of this word and assumed that it was a more profane version of "hateful". Disregarding its actual meaning, the word to Chris is used for situations that seem "shitty" to him.</blockquote>

;[[SLGBTQ]]

<blockquote>1. ''(acronym)'' an extended acronym for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) which includes "straights" and "questioning people".

<blockquote>''Considering your logo there, Texas will be feeling more love from the '''SLGBTQ''' community; give us props and Love, Lone Star State.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/September_2017_tweets#Hurricane_Harvey_and_SLGBT</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first used this acronym, he didn't explain what groups the "S" or "Q" were supposed to represent, making plenty of people confused. Eventually, Chris revealed that the "S" represents '''s'''traight and cis-gender people, while "Q" represents "'''q'''ueers" or "'''q'''uestioning people". Chris believes that if he included straight people into LGBT, then those particular people would feel more invited to join into the community. Considering the fact that gay people are minorities, adding the "S" to LGBT only defeats the entire purpose of identifying people as LGBT in the first place.</blockquote>

;[[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a mentally handicapped person

<blockquote>''And finally, after a hard "odd" day, he rides home on a bus, but unfortunately, it had a few "'''slow-in-the-minds'''" on it.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Week_With_Christian_Chandler></ref></blockquote>

Origin: While the exact origin of the term is unknown, slow-in-the-minds was first used by Chris in a high school assignment.<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks#Help This Unborn Child]]</ref> "Slow-in-the-minds" works as a stand in for the less-socially-acceptable "retard", so it's possible that Chris created this CWC-ism in order to self-censor.

</blockquote>

;slow-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' mentally retarded

<blockquote>''As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look '''slow-minded'''; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_emails_2007#February</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''OK, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one '''slow-minded''' individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Kacey_Call_9</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' stupid, but not quite retarded

<blockquote> ''I'll admit I have had some '''slow-minded''' moments. But I am certainly not totally retarded.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Father_Call#Crossing_the_Na.C3.AFve_Line_.281:46:21-1:52:36.29</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!
[[Image:SNERGEN FLERGEN!.PNG|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A phrase one may shout out when asked for attendance.

<blockquote>'''''SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic9P6.jpg</ref>
''-What?''

''Uh...here!''
</blockquote>

Origin: An obvious example of Chris's [[CWC-isms#R|random-access humor]]. This weird phrase appeared in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], when the cast was asked for their attendance during a [[CWC-isms#D|Dating Education]] class. When [[Wild Sonichu]] was asked for his attendance, he blurted out this phrase as Chris's many attempts to be funny in his comics. Given Chris's childish sense of humor, it would make a whole lot of sense for him to include a character randomly blurt out a nonsensical phrase out of nowhere.</blockquote>

;snooze cruise
<blockquote>1. a long period of slumber

<blockquote> ''Next, he had Trigonometry...I'd hate to be Christian when his nerves kicked into action after waking up from a "notey" '''snooze cruise''', but I was.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Week_With_Christian_Chandler</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Assuming everyone's played [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]] by the time he wrote this report, Chris used this cheesy one-liner from the game in his school report, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]

</blockquote>

;somecummpentydifferent
<blockquote>1. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce a change in subject.

<blockquote>''Anyway and now for somecummpentydifferent stay tuned for '''somecummpentydifferent''' — a bunch of good pushups!''<ref>[[Getting Foam Ed]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce use of [[random-access humor]].

<blockquote>''And now for '''somecummpentydifferent'''. BUUUUNG! And now it's Monty Python's flying elephants. Du tu du tu du tu du. Du tu du tu du tu du. Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg, why is people running away.''<ref>[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Note this is the very first thing he says, so there's nothing to be completely different ''from''.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris is trying to say "And now for something completely different" like John Cleese does on [[Monty Python]]. Suffice to say Cleese's ability to say three multisyllabic words in rapid succession exceeds that of Chris.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|somkey]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' The quality of having smoked recreationally, be it tobacco, marijuana, or some other substance.

<blockquote>''Thank our mayor, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler that CWCville is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or '''somkey'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A simple corruption of the word 'Smokey', used by [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] during their report on [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|Spring Break, 2008!]].
</blockquote>

;[[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]
<blockquote>1. (noun) The male counterpart of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Sonichu of CWCville, Sonichu. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the name of the titular character of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'', Sonic, and "Pikachu".</blockquote>

;soo
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Very, Very much.

<blockquote>''Dear Blanca, I am '''soo''' happy that you were revealed as my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be''<ref>[[Chris's Letter to Blanca]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In writing, Chris often adds extra o's to the word "so" to prolong the "o" sound and show added emphasis. This has the (unintentional?) effect of mimicking the speech patterns of a Valley Girl or an effeminate homosexual. However, where most people would add two or more o's, (e.g., "I love you sooo much!"), Chris frequently only adds one, resulting in "soo," which makes the word look like it's supposed to be pronounced "sue".

This may originate from pamphlets published by [http://www.channing-bete.com/ Channing Bete], [[Autism|short and uninformative]] self-help pamphlets often handed out at churches, the last page of which often feature a summary headlined by "Soo…" Given his distrust of help from anyone other than [[Rocky]], it is not entirely impossible that Chris has read Channing Bete pamphlets occasionally.

This is one of many recurring jokes in the [[Sonichu Audiobooks]] in which the narrator pronounces words like "soo" as they are literally spelled, instead of how Chris intended them to be read.
</blockquote>

;soul-bonding
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Sexual intercourse as a means of purifying someone.

<blockquote>What had happened was Literally a Divine Mission, commissioned to Christine and I by Emanuel (GOD above Gods), herself, to Heal and Cleanse Barbara's health and soul and being and Clear her of remaining sins and regrets through Coddling, Talking, and Supportive '''Soul Bonding''' to mainly Extend her Life, personally by Divine Intervention.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has somehow come under the delusion that having sex with his mother would "purify" her, and extend her lifetime, all through the act of bonding each other's souls.

</blockquote>

;soup beds
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Homeless shelter with beds

<blockquote>'' I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have '''soup beds'''. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS!''<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris tries to distill his "soup hotel" idea into its two components, but he mangles one of them by retaining the "soup" prefix.
</blockquote>

;sourdough region
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The crotch area

<blockquote>''Its weak point is still the '''sourdough region''', but it would take FIVE KICKS to get to it''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In his Sonichu comics, Chris has decided to make the main weakness of the jerkops their crotch. The weakest of the jerkops take only one kick to be taken down, while higher-ranking jerkops, such as [[Jerkhief]] take five. The reason why Chris refers to this spot as the "sourdough region" is unknown, but most of his other CWC-isms already tend to sound so nonsensical to begin with, it barely even matters.</blockquote>

;spike on one's shoulder
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' refers to the act of holding grievances towards someone.

<blockquote>''There was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he had a '''spike on his shoulder''' against me.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Father_Call</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A confusion with the phrase "chip on one's shoulder".</blockquote>

;spot
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' A small amount.

<blockquote>''the recent 43.98 purchase was actually a ''spot'' of Wheeling and Dealing I did; I actually spent less to make a profit.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_15</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris likes to retardedly incorporate British English into his sentences when he has the chance, possibly to sound more classy than he actually is. The phrase "A spot of X" is a British English idiom referring to a small amount of something.</blockquote>

;sticky dream
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A wet dream

<blockquote>''After falling back asleep Chris had a "'''sticky dream'''."''<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris claims that a "wet dream" actually refers to wetting one's bed as opposed to nocturnal emission.
</blockquote>

;straight path
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The quality of being heterosexual

<blockquote>''And, besides, if you stray away from the '''straight path''', it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]''</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had an intense fear of "falling off the straight path". When he states this, he is essentially referring to being on the path to straightness, in the same way a normal person would refer to someone being on the path to success. Chris also had this unrealistic idea that being in contact with gay men would suddenly make him gay too, which would therefore make him fall off the path. Possibly also an allusion to the phrase "straight and narrow" and/or the Biblical passage Matthew 7:14: "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;[[Sub-Episodes|sub-episode]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The side stories in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] comics.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: A result of Chris' use of [[Chris and English#Television jargon|television jargon]] in his comics.</blockquote>

;sumbah
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Minced oath for "son of a bitch."

<blockquote>''Yo, Christian, thanks for saving my sister from that crazy '''sumbah'''''<ref>[[Sonichu Special 4]], page K-4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Probably based upon "sumbitch."
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetbolt|sweetbolt]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pet name used by [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Ahh..that salad was great! What's wrong '''sweetbolt'''?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A sweetheart.

<blockquote>''I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your '''SweetBolt'''. :)?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first worked on his Sonichu comics, he tried to incorporate as many references to electricity as he can, in order to match with the Pikachu part of the titular character. A portmanteau of the CWC-ism "sweetheart" and "bolt".
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart|sweetheart]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover.

<blockquote>''Oh, gee, I'm sorry Bionic, but back then I was na- I was naive on dating and all that, so I just didn't think of it at the time. But if you a '''sweetheart''', Meg has created quite a few foxy characters. If she's cool with it, you could go out with one of them.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another cutesy pet name given to candidates of his Love Quest.</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An ideal sweetheart beyond the friend zone.

<blockquote>''For days to weeks to months to years, I Felt So Lonesome and Incomplete. But I didn't STOP! In the name of Love, and the fact that there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a '''Sweetheart from the Ground-Up''', so in later years, after the inevitability of my parents leaving me, I WON'T BE ALONE. And I can eventually realize my dream of being a good husband, and father of a pretty girl named Crystal.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Story_of_My_Current_Days</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As stated, Chris intended to use this weird phrase to indicate that he wants an ideal gal-pal well beyond the friend zone. Chris thought this phrase sounded so clever, that he used it constantly.</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== T ==
|-
|

;teenages

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The 13-19 age group; teenage years.

<blockquote>''Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all '''teenages''', as well as the, uh, gals.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's [[Future Message]], he attempts to talk down to just about every age group. In order to do this, he starts his video off with the quote above. Chris clearly couldn't think of a way to refer to teenagers, so he decided to refer to such people by "teenages". A butchering of "people of all ages".</blockquote>

;teir
[[File:Teir.png|thumb|200|Chris spelling tier wrong.]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of tier.

<blockquote>''$1 '''Teir'''''<ref>[[Patreon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Yet another example of how Chris is unaware of “i before e”. In a June 2019 update, he managed to spell tier wrong throughout multiple descriptions, despite the correctly-spelled word being visible right on the page.</blockquote>

;telekinesis

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Telepathy, i.e. communication through long distances, usually via psychic or supernatural means.

<blockquote>''I’ve been communicating with her through '''telekinesis''', and she sounded very lonesome.''<ref>[[Silvana]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas tele'''kine'''sis means ''moving'' objects from a distance with psychic powers (c.f. ''[[wikipedia:kinetic energy|kinetic]]''), Chris has never used the term properly. [[Magi-Chan|Psychic]] [[Silvana|characters]] in the [[comic]] have both powers of telekinesis and telepathy, but Chris has only used the former to refer to both.
</blockquote>

;Temple

<blockquote>1. [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]].
<blockquote>''Food for Barbara is also appreciated, and Visitors who personally offer genuine Kindness and Good Intentions are all encouraged to visit the '''Temple'''.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In [[2019]] Chris designated his house as the "Temple of CWC Sonichu" due to his growing [[Messiah complex]].
</blockquote>

;That was a straw that sold the blade to the executioner

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' That was the final straw.

<blockquote>''And on top of that, literally doxing someone on [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwi]], because someone has a hold over [[Bismuth|Naught]] to the point of him having to feel very insecure about himself. And the topper, in my eyes, one of y'all sent threats to [[Praetor|Anni]]. Fortunately, she completely missed and overlooked that memo in her inbox. '''That was a straw that sold the blade to the executioner'''.''<ref>[[MKR DMs]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used the phrase in listing his grievances against some members of the [[Watchmen]].
</blockquote>

;theoretical ex

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' One of the trolls who posed as a potential love interest for Chris during the classic period of trolling, between 2008 and 2011; a catfish, generally-speaking.

<blockquote>''Yeah, it’s like, you know, even when I try to make a new relationship, uh, especially among the '''theoretical rex-, exes''' I had, I still could not tell which was which…''<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Chris's history with the trolls]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris started calling the trolls who pretended to be his girlfriends during the classic era "theoretical exes" around the time of his date with [[Catherine|Catie]]. When pressed by Cousin Al as to what he meant, he cited that people may not always be who they say they are on the Internet.
</blockquote>

;This Viral Event

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The worldwide Coronavirus ([[COVID-19]], SARS-CoV-2) outbreak in early [[2020]], which began in [[China]] on New Year's Eve [[2019]] and has since become the most severe pandemic since the Spanish flu of 1918. Regarded by Chris as a trivial excuse to cancel a perfectly good ''[[My Little Pony]]'' convention.

<blockquote>''The Bottom Line is that '''This Viral Event''' is actually a better step in our own developments and evolution, as well as a deity-level test to sort out the weak from the moderate and strong of mental and soulful intervals, and nothing else.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#Chris finally weighs in on the coronavirus pandemic]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's [[Chris and religion|theodicy]] assigns any misfortune in the world to the Dimensional Merge. As the disease's spread has caused many governments to forbid large gatherings as a sanitary measure, it has become a [[Chris and His Ego|personal inconvenience to Chris]]. He believes that the pandemic will soon be stopped by [[OC|fictional characters]]' efforts,<ref>[March 2020 social media posts#COVID-19 a sign of dimensional merge]</ref> making it nothing but a transient event.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|tobacky]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' tobacco or tobacco products

<blockquote>''If I could, I would take every last ounce of '''tobacky''', put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the Moon.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: American English slang, used by Chandlers since 1856,<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tobacky#English</ref> and for [[random access humor]] since 1928.<ref>[http://www.uwosh.edu/home_pages/faculty_staff/earns/song.html Back in Nagasaki Where the Fellers Chew Tobaccy]</ref> Chris hates the act of smoking cigarettes so much that even uttering the word "tobacco" makes him feel uncomfortable, so Chris uses this as a retarded [[wikipedia:minced oath|minced oath]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica</ref></blockquote>

;tom-tom
[[File:Duck Pounding Some Tom-Tom.jpeg|thumb|A duck pounding some tom-tom real hard]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia.

<blockquote>''MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR '''TOM-TOM''' TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from the short Adult Swim music video, ''Pound my Tom-Tom'', which served as the intro to the cartoon, ''Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil''.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1DVoH0Njow</ref> Considering Chris barely understands anything adult, the fact that this was meant to be a bad euphemism, which the character, Lucy, used to avoid directly mentioning her vagina, flew over his head.</blockquote>

;[[Tomgirl Pictures|tomgirl]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A male who is into girly stuff; apparently, in Chris's mind, this goes all the way to [[Tomgirl Pictures|make-up and crossdressing]].

<blockquote>''I am '''Tomgirl'''.''<ref>[[:File:I_am_tomgirl.jpg|PSN comment as of 6 April 2011]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: analogous to "tomboy", i.e. a girl who likes boy-stuff.

</blockquote>

;too many crooks

<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of dissatisfaction with an overabundance of evildoers.

<blockquote>''Well, call it--this was "too many crooks." '''Too many crooks!''' Too many crooks! And that ED page is one of those crooks.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon the idiom, "too many cooks spoil the broth," although that idiom means something, whereas this is just an incomplete sentence.
</blockquote>

;triage

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' ménage à trois; a romantic relationship between three people.

<blockquote>''Magi-Chan Sonichu, Silvana Rosechu & Mewtwo / A Loving '''Triage'''''<ref>[[January 2018 Facebook posts‎‎#Mewtwo and Magi-Chan married]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A corruption or misspelling of "triad", possibly influenced by the ending of "ménage". "[[wikipedia:Triage|Triage]]" is a real word with a completely different meaning and unrelated etymology.
</blockquote>

;trollin' stupid

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Very stupid, in a manner pertaining to trolling.

<blockquote>''Because that's what you deserve, you God damn womanizing raping... '''trollin' stupid''' pickle suited... nigger!''<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to have coined this phrase for his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend"]] lyrics with "trollin'" serving as an intensifier along the lines of "fucking."
</blockquote>

;true and honest

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' something [[Honest content|honest]].

<blockquote>''I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are '''true and honest''' feelings. SO THERE.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first used the adjective with reference to his love for [[PandaHalo]], and the adjective was often used by [[Liquid Chris]].
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== U ==
|-
|

;ugly growth

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to refer to his own penis negatively.

<blockquote>''"Did I not just tell you I am Seven Inches Long?! It is soo long, that I am literally able to stretch it Under my taint, and tuck it between my own ass cheeks, beyond my ass hole. With help, I can literally even shove the head of the '''Ugly Growth''' Up Mine!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Colin_Chat_2</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Un-clit|un-clit]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A piercing Chris got on his perrinium as an immitation clitoris.

<blockquote>''It is a short, steel straight piece with steel spheres, of which I refer to them as my '''un-clit'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Un-clit</ref></blockquote>

Origin: During his Tomgirl years, Chris was, and still is, very desperate to gain female body traits such as bigger breasts, wider hips, a fully functioning vagina, etc. In order to get a part of the work done, Chris got a piercing on his taint as a sort of pseudo-clitoris, showing more of Chris's limited knowledge of female anatomy. </blockquote>

;uncouth
[[File:Uncouth Twat.png|thumb|Most uncouth!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' unlikeable, lacking good manners.

<blockquote>''And, by the way, among which, You give the Males a Most Terrible and Horrible Name in your behavior. Most '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Colin_Chat_1</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Trump is most Immature, '''Uncouth''', and Not Valid to be president.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Misc_E-mails#Anti-Pmurt</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I felt it appropriate to change my profile photo back to the filtered one for what happened in France the while back with due respect of the continuing of Trump's most drastic and '''uncouth''' actions in office.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/January_2017_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''You, sir, are '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/2017_tweets#Trump.2C_you_mocked_the_mentally-challenged</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''All of you are nothing but immature, borish, '''uncouth''', and damned Neanderthals.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonic_Boom_Protests#Chris_Rages_On</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Not Sexual Fantasy; Friendships, You '''Uncouth''' Cad. Hmpf!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#Unleashing_his_inner_Brit</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And as it Had been My fault on that #NationalGirlfriendTweet that started the whole mess, that was Why I chose whole-heartedly to Harass Me instead of Doopie or Anyone Else who was being harassed with the mis-content from Years Ago from me taken Out Of Context, Mind you, because Harassing Anyone at Anyone else’s Expense is Just Plain Wrong, Bullying, and '''Uncouth'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''And it was ignored by you that Talulah Bankhead coined the term for Tabitha, you '''Uncouth''' Twat.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#Tabitha_addresses_CWC_flame_war</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I agree it is shameful of these people to have accounts just to haze at me and all others, Soo '''uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/NightStar2891_tweets#Twitter_spam_for_Tabitha</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I miss Jessica. You Trolls Scared Her Off by either Hacking or Reporting her Facebook. You '''Uncouth''' Cads!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jessica_Quinn</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As demonstrated, Chris uses this word way more than any 21st-century [[American]] would. It is often speculated that Chris picked up this word from an ''MLP'' episode, where Applebloom and Applejack are talking about what the word "uncouth" means.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-SrQ-Oz1k4</ref> Seeing how this conversation alone is somehow a staple in the Brony subculture, and how Chris is one of those many Bronies who sees more [[Night_Star#Chris_spills_the_beans|meaning]] in the show than it actually possesses, Chris picked up this term due to how foreign and smart it sounded to him.

Chris is also notorious for his use of British English whenever he tries to make it seem he knows what he's talking about. So it is also fairly likely Chris may have adapted this word solely because he thinks British English words will make him sound smarter.
</blockquote>

;UNGA-WUNGA!!!
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A sexual chant from the [[Cherokian Clan]].
<blockquote>''There is no quote to directly cite the use of this CWC-ism. This CWC-ism was used in one of Chris' art pieces appropriately named "UNGA-WUNGA"''</blockquote>
Origin: Comes from a horrifying art piece Chris drew of himself banging [[Jackie]] against a tree while a group of Cherokians masturbate to their orgy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Unga_Wunga_Time.jpg</ref> As for the questionably racist phrase itself, Chris simply stated that it was "just a random phrase I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_11</ref></blockquote>

;unto
<blockquote>1. ''(preposition)'' Archaic or poetic form of the word "to".

<blockquote>''Now that it has been made fully clear to me, I am now able to devote myself fully '''unto''' you, Julie.''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 7]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''I am very devastated, due to my SHATTERED HEART that [[Mary Lee Walsh|XXXXX]] caused '''unto''' me!''</blockquote>

Origin: Another one of Chris's autistic ways of sounding smart, possibly in imitation of the Bible. (c.f. ''[[Chris and hypocrisy|Do unto others...]]''). Chris uses this form more frequently than most English speakers of the 21st century should, even when it sounds unwieldy.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== V ==
|-
|
;vaginatables

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia

<blockquote>''There is no quote to cite the use of this CWC-ism. Chris used this CWC-ism in an e-mail address "ILuvVaginatables@aol.com".'</blockquote>

Origin: A strange hybrid of the words "vagina" and "vegetables", purely for Random-Access Humor.</blockquote>

;vege-marmite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Vegemite

<blockquote>''Certainly not a '''vege-marmite''' sanwich. Lol''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-372</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A retarded pun made by Chris to state his distaste for veggie marmite. Coincidentally, vegemite is essentially marmite, yeast extract from brewing beer turned into a pungent, salty paste, with vegetables and spices added in.<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegemite</ref></blockquote>

;vestite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A transvestite person.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and '''Vestites'''; ID as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-335#post-2635076]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In the above post, Chris intended to write the words "transgender" and "transvestite" in the same sentence without duplicating the trans suffix. He did so by adding a space between the prefix and the respective endings. It is worth mentioning that "Vestite" is a word in Latin, and simply refers to being clothed, without any connotations regarding cross-dressing.</blockquote>

;[[Virgin with Rage|virgin with rage]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An individual who is sexually frustrated

<blockquote>''Tell me why
I'm stuck as a '''virgin with rage'''!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/So_Need_a_Cute_Girl</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Even after allegedly having sex with [[Mia Hamm]], the idea of being a virgin and not having a sweetheart upset Chris. He would throw tantrums after losing a potential sweetheart, and thus missing out on an opportunity to lose his virginity.</blockquote>

;[[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia is for virgins]]

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase that pushes the idea that the citizens of Virginia won't allow Chris to get a girlfriend solely due to his autism.

<blockquote>"'''VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS''', NOT LOVERS!"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Story_of_My_Current_Days
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An intentional butchering of the phrase "Virginia is for Lovers". His belief that the state of Virginia is behind some kind of conspiracy to prevent him from finding true love has started since attending [[PVCC]]. While there, Chris has gotten himself putting up Attraction Signs, loitering with said signs on campus, and even creating a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter series]] in order to attract potential sweethearts. Seeing how all of this violated the school's rules and policies, he was sent directly to the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Dean]] in order for her to straighten him out.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Virginia_is_for_Virgins#Origins</ref> Of course, Chris took this to be another instance of him being discriminated, solely for being autistic. This, coupled with the fact that he's already failed on several occasions to actually get to date any of his his female friends in high school, reinforced this belief. </blockquote>

;VOTES FOR WOMEN!
[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly misinterpreted.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase shouted in protest of pictures depicting women with penises.

<blockquote>'''''VOTES FOR WOMEN''', STEP IN TIME! VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME! NEVER NEED A REASON, NEVER NEED A RHYME, VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P52.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a sash Mrs. Banks, a character from Mary Poppins, had worn. Chris clearly took this banner to simply refer to any kind of mistreatment towards women, rather than the fairly obvious implication that she's actually fighting for the right to vote.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''See Also'': [[CWC-isms#W|Women's Rights]]
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== W ==
|-
|

;Walter Grisby
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A man's name often employed in acts of random-access humor.

<blockquote>''"Is this '''Walter Grisby'''? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what? DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"''<ref>[[Random-access humor]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The retconned name of the character formerly known as [[Wes Iseli]].

Origin: Unknown; thought by some to be a reference to the Cartoon Network show ''Ed, Edd n Eddy''. A character in the PC game ''The Sims 3'' goes by the name of Walter Grisby, but the game's release post-dates Chris's first uses of the term by some years.
</blockquote>

; Warroir of Love
[[Image:WarriorOfLove.jpg|thumb|300px|History's greatest warroirs.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an advocate for spreading love and peace.

<blockquote>''"People! You do not understand! By Not blocking the Trolls, you are Promoting Hatred; They don't always side with Love. I Am '''Warroir of Love'''."''<ref>[[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/902236285389111297]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misspelling of the word "warrior". Chris considers himself a "warrior of love" because he believes that he is the [[Chris and kindness|voice of kindness]]. Most likely derived from the derogatory term "Social Justice Warrior", a term used for individuals who advocate for social justice and equality.
</blockquote>

; water on the rocks
[[File:Water and Dasani.jpeg|thumb|200px|Literally a drink on the rocks.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' water poured over Chris's [[magic stones]] for drinking.

<blockquote>''#DrinkWater; Filtered or Bottled, preferred; Quartz, Rose Quartz, or Amethyst optional to enjoy it '''on the rocks''' (held in place with aluminum wire).''<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#watch anime to kill coronavirus]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''staying hydrated with more than 101.4 ounces of filtered '''water on the rocks''' within a #Glacce bottle''<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#GFuel and meditation]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In accordance with his [[Magical thinking|New Age]] beliefs, Chris purchased a Glacce water bottle for $80+, which features a crystal display set inside. He later placed one of his [[magic stones]] into it, crudely held in by aluminum wire, and refers to drinking from the bottle as "water on the rocks."
</blockquote>

;well-breasted
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Having large breasts.

<blockquote>''And her image dawned upon me in my imagination, starting out as the '''well-breasted''' pink electric-hedgehog (Pok'emon) with the long Raichu-like tail, I drew her outfit onto her in red and Battery-Charged Blue.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Rosechu|CWCipedia article on Rosechu}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusion between "well-endowed" and "large-breasted".

</blockquote>

;witching hours
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' The time between midnight and 4 AM that Chris cannot fall asleep during.

<blockquote>'' I know that I'm gonna be more effective with the '''witching hours''' during the night once again, whether I'm asleep or not, okay.<ref>[[Suitress videos#Promise not to throw a tantrum]]</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: Unknown
</blockquote>

;Woahly
<blockquote> 1. ''(interjection)'' Expression indicating surprise.
<blockquote>'' Who is it Rosey? The Stew's almost ready and I... '''Woahly'''..!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p11.png</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: Portmanteau of "woah" and "holy... (as in the beginning of saying holy shit)," found in [[Sonichu 15]].
</blockquote>

;woman up
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' The female equivalent of manning up.

<blockquote>''Fellow autistic people! I encourage you to man and '''woman up''' [Subtitle: "It is Socializing In Real Life or Dust!"] respectively! Go out into the real world, and make real friends with full, great quality friendships! Do it now!''</blockquote>

Origin: Used in the second part of Chris’s Autism Tutorial, where he insultingly attempts to rally up all autistic people (regardless of their functionality) to form proper friendships, all while missing the point of “manning up”.
</blockquote>

;[[Women's rights]] (or Women's Lib)
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Any kind of behavior towards women that does not involve abusing them physically or mentally.

<blockquote>''Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the '''Women's Rights''', For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Other_documents</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The right for women to not be depicted with a [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]].

<blockquote>''FOR OUR '''RIGHTS AS WOMEN''' AMONG ALL PEOPLE, I WILL OVERPOWER THOSE SLANDEROUS JERKS!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P58.jpg</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' The act of women protesting by stripping down naked.

<blockquote>''Well, once we get our centerfolds shot and uploaded, hopefully those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Yeah, and if nothing else, we can still have a lot of fun trying.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''With our lord's support in our peaceful protest, we can win this fight.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Victory for '''Women's Lib'''''.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P51.jpg</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of sexism is botched up beyond belief. His zeal towards the rights of women is believed to have originated from watching the 1964 Disney film, Mary Poppins. He was particularly influenced by Mrs. Banks, who has expressed distaste for unequal treatment for women in 1910 London. As to be expected, Chris missed the point of this part of her character, and instead used this in order to justify his treatment towards the women he meets. Chris also believed that the term "sexism" only applies to forms of violence against women, and not necessarily representing in a condescending manner.

</blockquote>

;wooden nickel
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Acoustic guitar.

<blockquote>''I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old '''Wooden Nickel'''; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.''<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In real life, a wooden nickel is a now defunct form of currency used during the Great Depression. His use probably refers to the phrase "don't take any wooden nickels" - that is, he is calling the acoustic guitar a semi-worthless imitation of his Guitar Hero controller.
</blockquote>

;worse
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Severely; extremely, in an adverse manner

<blockquote>''IMHO, having Seinor Citizens for Parents throughout your whole life is no picnic; they are '''WORSE''' Overprotective.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>
|-
|
;wrath
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Great [[Chris and anger|anger]] or rage. Considered one of the [[Chris and religion|Seven Deadly Sins]].

<blockquote>''Apparently, my, uh, heed of warning towards Vivian has gone unheard or otherwise SHE DID NOT REALIZE THE FURY OF MY '''WRATH'''''<ref>[[Sign Destruction Video]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Strength sufficient to lift an office chair.

<blockquote>''I HAAAVE THE POWEEERRRR!!! FEEL MY '''WRATH'''!!''<ref>[[Power]]</ref></blockquote>
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==X==
|-
|
;X2-checking
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Double Checking
<blockquote>''Just '''X2-checking''' if you got the drawing I left you.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-11-2017-chris-spotted-at-bronycon.33187/page-35#post-2511049]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Comes from x2 meaning times two, which means double to Chris.</blockquote>

;XXX-tended
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sexually explicit
<blockquote>''ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE TRUTH BOMBS AND ROSEY ROSECHU's POST-INTERSEX-TO-FEMALE TRANSITION AND OPERATION NUDES IN THE '''XXX-TENDED''' CONTROVERSIAL VERSION OF MY BOOK NUMBER EIGHT IN 2008!''<ref>[[Jail_Letter - 20 October 2021#22 October]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>
;XXXXX
<blockquote>1. ''(noun, censorship)'' censorship of the word "bitch"
<blockquote>''Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM VERY ANGRY AT THAT '''XXXXX'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC%27s_Diary</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Chris's only instance of this peculiar censorship is in his [[diary]]. In it, Chris repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX", clearly as a censorship of the word "bitch". Why Chris chose to replace all of the letters in the word with the capital letter "X", instead of using asterisks remains a mystery.</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Y ==

</blockquote>
|-
|
;y'all should know me by now
|-
|<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction to complete strangers.

<blockquote>'''''Y'all should know me by now''', but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, back on March 17th, 2000.''<ref name=csm/></blockquote>
Origin: His second message on YouTube, addressed to the ED trolls. He would use it several more times after this, possibly making this into his tagline. The introduction is made under the assumption that Chris is [[Chris and his Ego|already well-known]].
</blockquote>

;young at heart

<blockquote>1. ''(noun, attributive)'' An individual with childlike characteristics; a childish person.

<blockquote>''Hello Nintendo! Welcome to my Animal Crossing for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in Ruckersville, Virginia and I is [sic] 21 years old and I play because I am '''young at heart'''. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in Animal Crossing.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Animal_Crossing_Documentary</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I am '''Young at Heart'''; a concept I have kept within myself since childhood.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''We, the '''Young at heart''' stand alongside our Liked and Cared others.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris more often than not advertises his childish nature as him being "young at heart", as if this was a more positive quality of himself, even going as far as using this as a reason for girls to fall in love with him in his attraction signs <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Attraction_Sign</ref>. This is because Chris can't tell the difference between being a child at heart, and being childish. In his mind, people who are considered "childish" actually lead a happier and more exciting life, since he believes that childlike people are more willing to show off their [[kindness]] and are generally more eccentric. In reality, adults who are "young at heart" generally have a somewhat innocent outlook of life and are generally interested in things considered suitable for children, yet understand their responsibilities as adults, something which Chris has failed to do since graduating [[High School]].
</blockquote>
|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Z ==
|-
|

;zap to the extreme
[[Image:ZapToTheExtreme.png|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Go out and be brave.

<blockquote>''Go! Sonichu! Go out and '''zap to the extreme'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''Now everyone stay green and go out and '''zap to the extr-r-r-r-r-eme'''. Have a lovely day.''<ref>[[A New, Fun Trick]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase is first used on the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where Chris's self-insert tells Sonichu to "zap to the extreme" as if Chris and Sonichu were in a bona fide [[Pokémon]] tournament. Chris would then end up using this phrase time and again, usually completely out of context of its original meaning.
</blockquote>

;zapbud
[[Image:Zapbud.jpg|thumb|100px|A Zapbud]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A fictitious flower found in the ''Sonichu'' canon; Rosechu's favorite flower.

<blockquote>''Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a '''Zapbud''' is the flower that heals your woes.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_Ode_to_Rosechu</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Essentially the result of Chris attempting to create a mythology around his ''Sonichu'' comics, Chris created some of his own flora as well. Because of how "zapping" was a very common theme in the earlier issues of ''Sonichu'', Chris thought about naming his flora after this one theme. The term has ironically become popular with trolls and enablers, where they name made-up characters and places after it.</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Yes, my blossoming '''zapbud'''. That's why we are here.''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In this context, the term is used the same way a female lover may be compared to a flower. This was clearly an attempt to make the flora have a greater significance by making it sound like something beautiful.

|}

==References==

<references/>

==Navigation==

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Lists}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2022-08-05T11:53:26Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Lyrics */ added alternative older lyric

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and [[Clyde Cash|TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES]] and [[Homos|NOT TO MOST]] [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl," 11 [[November 2007]] [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]].<ref name="ed">[http://web.archive.org/web/20091223054201/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 Encyclopedia Dramatica (Wayback Machine), as of 12/23/2009]</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|eponymous debut album]]. It is sung over a live version of "[[wikipedia:I Want It That Way|I Want It That Way]]" by the [[wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. [[Chris]] has described it in an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] edit as his "[[Love Quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.

Bizarrely enough, since [[November 2013]] the song has been available for download for 89 cents on Amazon's MP3 store. As Chris has never mentioned (or noticed) this, it is very likely a [[troll]] put it up there and is [[carpetbaggers|making money off of Chris's work]].

In 2016, Chris made a [[Singing an ol' diddy|remake]] of the song for the Paid Video Requests, replacing the words "I have a boyfriend" with "I'm already taken" to include [[tomgirl|lesbians]]. In a [[2017]] retrospective, Chris admitted that hearing his old song made him cringe, also misidentifying the original artist behind the song as [[wikipedia:*NSYNC|*NSYNC]] instead of the Backstreet Boys.<ref>[[September 2017 Facebook posts#Opinion on Sachumo's CWC Documentary|"And then, I heard the old song I sang, that makes me cringe now, in tune to "I Want It That Way" from N*Sync..."]]</ref>

==Song==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = "So Need a Cute Girl"
| ytid = 0tCrBvkTVZA
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| maker = Chris
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}
| style = {{Tragedy|[[Noviophobia]]}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

[[Chris and his ego|Hey! Look at me!]] 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see da ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I ain't ever wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I ain't ever wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the [[jerks]] 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I ain't ever wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I ain’t ever wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In some versions of the song, "I ain't ever wanna hear you say, / I have a boyfriend" is replaced by the alternative lyric "I really mean it when I say, / I need a girlfriend."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref name="ed"/>''

** ''In more recent versions, he replaces "I have a boyfriend!" with "I'm already taken!"'"<ref name="ed"/>''

==Music video==
{{Main|All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend}}

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| ytid = wlP5VhuJubE
| stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{Other|[[Noviophobia]]}}
| style = {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Crazy|[[Chris and hypocrisy|Drunk]]}}
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video (in which, in an attempt to evoke Michael Jackson, he <s>slaps his hand on</s> grabs his crotch) makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

=== Transcript ===
'''Chris:''' [''fervently slaps crotch at the end''] LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. [''There are no takers, just laughter'']

'''Man:''' [''bewildered''] Oh-whoa-''WHOOOOA there, buddy!!'' Whoa-ho, you got that on film!

==Covers==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GDqJ4VuzhnU}}
| stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'' response from the real Chris Chandler. Main vocals by Liquid's brother, SimplySpoons/Jon D.
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8DTg4nx_dCE}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]].
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl (Medley)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xjuc5iQ-eAk}}
| stardate = 11 [[June 2012]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GhostofBillRiley GhostofBillRiley]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = A medley of several covers mixed together with the original.
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CØØL ϟCØØTΣR - So Need a Cute Girl
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UOVELz68Z28}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2020]]
| maker = [https://soundcloud.com/negativexp Negative XP]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover (Mirrored)
| info = Cover made by Negative XP
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = christian and the hedgehog boys - so need a cute girl (glueboy cover)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|37XB_ahoMWk}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2021]]
| maker = [https://open.spotify.com/artist/0V0ff56r4CNnLzL7yqgkYE lil glueboy]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = Usually in [https://www.tiktok.com/music/so-need-a-cute-girl-6959567166924392449 TikTok videos about Chris]
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl Goes DEATH METAL - Your Noble Truths
| video = {{#ev:youtube|utr6qfkc0h8}}
| stardate = 20 [[April 2022]]
| maker = [https://youtube.com/channel/UCGzE8BnIRI2fvlLfaMCG05g Your Noble Truths]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = Cover by Your Noble Truths, Art and editing by [https://youtube.com/c/JavaJake Java Jake]
}}

== References ==
<references/>

== See also ==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with rage]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-24]]
[[Category:Music]]
[[Category:Music Videos]]

Chris Sex Logs

2022-07-29T11:38:15Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke */ added incest link

{{honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}

On 27 [[September 2008]], [[PandaHalo]] released Skype chats with her and Chris discussing [[honest]] topics like [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[mass debating]], and the then-forthcoming [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20091028165536/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Talk:Chris-chan/Archive6#CHRISCHAN_TALKS_ABOUT_PERVERTED_SHIT</ref>. Almost immediately after releasing these files, she broke up with Chris.

The audio files for the logs were once uploaded onto RapidShare as well as Last.fm; however, the former website was shut down in 2015, and Last.fm has since removed the downloads for them. As of [[April 2020]], the audio files (except for the first part of the "I am Perverted" MP3 recording) have yet to resurface, effectively making them lost media.

==I am insane==
[[Image:Chris-IAmRandomHousecoat.PNG|200px|thumb|"I got this housecoat from, uh, Goodwill... I am wearing nothing underneath it."]]
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
===Two Front Teeth===
'''1. "Two Front Teeth" 0:25''' ''CWC sings "[[Wikipedia:All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth|All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth]]" in a squeaky voice, then informs the listener that the original song contains a whistle.''

===THE POWER OF THE SUN===
'''2. "THE POWER OF THE SUN" 1:09''' I'm in my house now [''rustling noises''] uhh...this was written, I got this housecoat from, uh, from Goodwill. 'Cause, you know, my old one had, like, some holes in it. It was becoming a little bit tattered in ways, but I mean, besides, this one's more comfortable anyway. Dang it, froze up again. Uh, give it a moment, it'll fix itself. Oh, the freeze! The freeze! The POWER OF THE SUN WARM YOU AND UNFREEZE YOU! Well, there it goes. Eh, there it goes again. C'mon! Uh, the POWER OF THE SUN UNFREEZE YOU!

===The Holy Coat===
'''3. "The Holy Coat" 0:07''' [''unintelligible mumbling''] ...the holy coat. I am not [[GodJesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|the Lord Jesus Christ!]] Daaaaa.
</div>

==I am perverted==

===Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
[[File:ChrisDNA.jpg|200px|thumb|left|"I mean, alright, but when a guy does it, they're releasing semen and the DNA that goes to the eggs"]]'''1. CWC, pervert: 5:29''' What, [[mass debating|masturbate]]? Uh, well, now just to let you know we have the trust between each other, and I can tell you are who you are through your voice, and you can tell who I am through my voice, and you just saw me over the webcam, I s'pose I can tell you, uh, have you ever seen a picture of, uh, a man's penis? Yeah, I had to take sex ed class too. But, you know, on a side note? You know what should be taught as well in addition to what sex is? Dating edu-.. [[Dating education]].

Ah, hang on a second. Hey pop, what are you doing? Um, okay, [''unintelligible''], could be a prank call. That was [[Bob Chandler|my father]], checking to see [''unintelligible''].

W-whah-what are you giggling about? It sounds like you're giggling. Well, you were asking me about how I masturbate, there, uh, so yeah. Basically, uh, well, it could go either way, whether I turn on some porn, to get myself straight or not, uh, an erection, get stiff or not, I mean that's one way of doing it, use porn. But uh also, if I've also I've, if I'm- if I.. on breaks- if I wasn't watching porn or, uh, don't feel like watching it at the time, I would go like to the bathroom sink and I can start, uh, by washing my hands and then with the soap and water just basically start by touching the, uh, end of my [hesitation] dick and just, like you know well it feels good for me, feels good I mean when I touch the edge of my dick. Well, actually, the way I see it, it's okay because you're relieving yourself of your stress from your basic instincts and your body. It's just - it's just good tension relief. The way I see it, so it's all right. The way I see - the way I see it for uh, gir- for uh, women - it's easier, it's better on them because, uh you know, they d-d... I mean, alright, but when a guy does it, they're releasing [[semen]] and the DNA that goes to the eggs, but when women do it, it's just, you know, they're releasing their juices, that basically, you know, makes it easier for the man to enter the vagina. So you could do it, and you wouldn't, you know, risk losing an egg from your ovaries.

Well, anyway, to get back to me, so yeah basically, I just massage mysel- I just massage myself down there and then, uh, and then, uh and then it gets more erect and uh, you know, it's still wet but I go back to my bed and uh, lie down, on the bed, and uh like you know I just massage it, I just massage it up and down with, like, you know, one of my hands or both of them at the same time depending on the random moment...do you have somebody else in the room with you? Yeah alright. So yeah anyway, well, pump it down with one or both of my hands at the moment until I feel, until I feel the sensation... where I feel I'm about to lose it, and then it all, it all just the stuff, yeah, yeah, some of my semen comes out. I don't - I don't like to make a mess, so I-... so I-- when I come I have a [[fapcup|clean plastic cup]] by my side and I just make sure to put all of my semen in the cup there. Yeah. Well, if you want me to, I could describe how masturbation works for a woman, because I've seen it through my share of the pornography and hentai [[anime]] I have. Alright well, basically, it's the same, you could put one hand down there and take the other hand to massage one or both of your breasts at the same time.. I can't believe we're talkin' about this, well also we trust each other very much and we have good trust for each other for talking over the mikes, like, nobody can hear or record our conversation over the mikes like they could...at this point it's bet- it's between us. Uh yeah. Well you see [[Incest|I've confidentially told my mom about my actions as well]], I mean, she's cool - I mean, she's cool with it. I mean, you could try it yourself tonight 'cause I know it's like twelve-thirty over there on Saturday afternoon. So we've got, like, a husband and wife, we'll call them, like, Dick and Jane, right? Okay, so anyway, he's coming home from work and uh, and he's coming into the house and uh, his wife Jane meets him at the door and she says, oh, hi honey, how was your day? and he says, eh, it's been a rough day sweetheart, uhhh, I'm just tired, [''Changes voice''] I'll tell you what, we can go upstairs and have breakfast, and he says, Breakfast? at 9pm? And she says, sure! You bring the milk and I'll get the eggs!
</div>

===What I've learned from porn, #1===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''2. What I have learned from porn #1:''' 1:41 Films I have seen? I've learned, like you know, even though you've seen the husband seemingly betraying their wives to go to like uh, nightclub? Strip club? They're just trying to get their erections back up so they can go home and be ready for their wives. Because they, uh, they lose erections around their wives at that point. So you know, believe it or not, even though the husband might seem to be betraying their wife by going to a strip club, they're not. They're just trying to get their dick on so they can get their move on when they get home. Yes, they're not cheating. I mean they would only be cheating if they were actually doing it with another woman without their wife's consent. I wish I could say I have but I haven't - I've only seen them on television or in the movies. Yes, I'm fairly innocent myself, but as I've revealed of myself, I see the down and dirty. Maybe you'll get down and dirty tonight with yourself.

===What I've learned from porn, #2===
[[File:ChrisWholeHand.jpg|250px|thumb|"if it fits their whole hand? I've seen that happen, I've seen that happen, their whole hand. Yeah."]]'''3. What I learned from porn #2: 2:44''' Oh by the way you know, if you don't- if you get tired, you know you don't have to use, you know 'cause I mean I have seen through the pornography about how women masturbate, they mostly use like their index fingers, or some use all their fingers or like if they can reach they might fit their index and middle...[''laughing, unintelligible''] oh, you make me laugh! Oh, you make me laugh, that's so funny! Oooh. You're a quick wit, a quick wit! Right, so anyway, most of the time, if they can get their middle fingers into their vaginal entry, for pleasuring themselves, they'll sometimes, if they can reach, they might put all of their fingers in there or if it fits their whole hand? I've seen that happen, I've seen that happen, their whole hand. Yeah. I never really understood how a tampon works. Not mine, cause I have a dick! Huh huh huh, but please continue. Ah. That's interesting. Very interesting. But when you masturbate, you don't have to have your tampon in there. You could do it before you put your next tampon in. Or just when you don't have it in there. Well, then I guess you're safe. You're very safe.

===Masturbation - it's AWWWRIGHT===
'''4. Masturbation/ IT'S AWWWWRIGHT: 0:22''' You know another thing I should mention that like you know another reason why masturbation is all right is because you're not risking anybody else or getting a sexual disease. And just to let you know, if you are a virgin before you've started, and you haven't done anything with anyone else, you're still classified as a virgin.

===Me and my sex doll===
'''5. Me and my sex doll #1: 1:55''' It well, also works that way if you're doing it with, uh, if you get yourself, what they call, uh, um, a sex or love doll? They're these inflatable dolls, that inflate to look like the form of a naked man or a woman, of course as a man I do have sex dolls of, uh, naked women, I do, I mean, I'm willing to admit that, so anyway, yeah, basically, you do the sex doll of the opposite gender like you would, but you're still classified as a virgin because there's no DNA exchanged because the thing is just a hunk of plastic. Yeah, basically most of the time they're motionless, so, for me I would just put my dick in the vaginal entry and I would just pump and I would just pump it. You know, like a dummy, pretend person, basically, yes. You know I mean, so I could put her on the bed and just get on top of her, or I could like have myself lying on my back and uh I could just move her, I could just move the body up and down, or like you know I could even try as many of the defined sexual positions as possible for practice with the doll! Of course from your point - of course from your point of view you would get yourself a male sex doll and you would put yourself on its fake penis. Yeah it is...well, that's good for you, that's good for you.

===What I've learned from porn, #3===
[[File:ChrisBanana.jpg|200px|thumb|left|"if you used a banana, you could still eat the insides."]]'''6. What I learned from porn #3 1:12''' But anyway as I was saying you know, just as you know, when you masturbate, you don't have to use your fingers, you could like, uh, find something that's like, you could use like a banana, or a [[pickle]], I mean, it would be a waste of a fruit, but if you used a banana, you could still eat the insides. Eh, I said a pickle. Or a cucumber, a cucumber would work as well. But, uh, the thing I would, I would recommend for you, if you don't want to waste a fruit or a vegetable, yeah, well, it's all right. Not too many men are picky about how tight it is, I mean like you know, if you end up going, "Oooh, that's so TIGHT. You make me feel so good just to put it in there!" Yeah, but they're not going to be too picky about how tight it is.

===You should buy a dildo!===
'''7. You should buy a dildo! 2:10''' But anyways so like you know, there's an alternative to your fingers or the fruit or vegetable. If girls like, you go out and find like an adult store and get what's called a dih-do [''he pronounces 'dildo' all weird'']. It's particularly, it's typically like a hunk of plastic molded in the form, the shape like the shape like an average-size, uh... penis, but you know it's not necessarily like, penis shaped, like some like some dildos are. I have actually looked it up, it's like 5 6 or 7 inches, and what I've seen for you know, the plastic dildos, they're like 5 to 7 inches themselves. But anyway, you don't necessarily have to get one that's actually penis-shaped, you can get one that's basically vertical. Hm, you'd like a dolphin-shaped one, wouldn't you? Eh, yeah I guess they might make them in that form, they have some available, like at this website you can check them out over there. Hey, as long as you're adult it's all right, it's all right. You don't have to be ashamed. If something offends you in the store, you can just look away, it's no big deal. Yeah, we actually have a local one over here in [[Charlottesville]], it's called, uh it's called Bliss, I think it is. And of course there's also a store called Spencers, I think it's called Spencers over in the shopping mall, they sell sex toys there as well.

===Me and my sex doll, #2===
'''8. Me and my sex doll #2: 3:57''' I had that thought myself, but then again, I don't really do any - know people around town myself, yeah, I have, otherwise I wouldn't have told you about the sex doll. LOL girlfriend, LOL. They have, uh, you know yeah, okay, hang on, I turn on my webcam, also you know some models have an opening in their mouth but this one doesn't that I could like, that I could put my dick into. Yes, just for the fun of it, I mean, it's wet in the mouth, some people do it because it feels good, I mean between man and woman, man and woman, man puts in it in the woman's mouth. And also, you know, here's an interesting fact, I've learned from the adult website, from the website quoted on Adam&Eve dot com, male semen is, eh, healthy for women, there's like random, there's like things I can't describe especially good for women and the flavor can change depending on what the man eats. Yeah, same applies for the woman's pussy juices, it's called. I think so, yeah. Or if I ate a whole lot of apples and strawberries, it would come out like apple or strawberry flavored. We'll find out soon enough, man, I left a button undone, there's the vaginal opening. That's one thing I can do, you like that? Pretend that's YOUR vagina and I did that to you, doesn't that feel so good? Anyway, in addition to that, it has an optional opening in the mouth, it also has like a, ARSEHOLE. Heh, yeah, but it doesn't poop. Actually, you know, some people like between a man and a woman, the man, the woman finds pleasure in the man putting his penis inside the woman's a-hole, asshole. And the skirt went upside down. No, a guy can do it with a woman, do it with a woman, 'cause, you know, the man and woman are both straight. I mean come on. I never heard that. I figure it would be on, it would be on the scrotum area of my penis. I'm going to put this away, I'll be right back.

[[Image:Chris-ThisIsMyDildo.PNG|200px|thumb|"You can use this and put it up your buuuuttt and it will feel good."]]
===This is my dildo===
'''9. This is my dildo: 4:24''' [''[[wikipedia:John Mayer|John Mayer]]'s "[[wikipedia:Say (song)|Say]]" blares in the background''] Oh, yeah, I got this, it's uh, uh, I forget what the word was, it was the tip of the, the tip of the penis, I actually uh, the scrotum, the scroutum [''sic'']is actually the area where the balls were. So I used, I used the wrong word there. So anyway, I got something else I can show you, so I can explain, what, uh, a dildo is for you cause you know when you order something from Adam&Eve dot com they usually give you free DVDs or free gifts, with that, well anyway, they sent me one so I just held onto it, it's one dildo. They mostly come in this shape, in jelly form or in hard plastic. No, it's light reflecting off it. Anyway, you can use this and put it up your buuuutttt and it will feel good. I told you I got it as a free gift I did not use it, I just only have one. I guess I could give it to you since you are my sweetheart, you know? Hey, from they way I talk, the way I talk when I talk to you and the pictures I've seen so far, I'd like to meet you as well. Ahhh. Yeah, actually, you know, I did try that once with a different one, a different one I got for free as well? It did not, it did not turn me on. It, it, it I'd imagine from what I heard. You don't have to worry about me. I won't, I would not judge you. I swear. I would not judge you! I mean, look at how serious I am. I would not judge you. Well anyway let's say say we get back to the dildo sort of talk [''nervous laugh''] yeah anyway, well most of them are just a hunk of plastic, but some of them, like this one, they can run, they can run on a pair of AA batteries or another size, another size like that, I put a pair in this one just to try it out, I didn't take them out, well like you know, you can turn this one, you can turn this one on and off, by unscrewing, and screwing it completely, and when you've got it screwed on, it vibrates. You hear that? That's it vibrating. Yeah, just imagine having this up your vagina, and uh, it vibrating. Doesn't that feel good. I have have this one, I have this one, this one tucked away in a drawer. So, you know, nobody's going to find it unless I show it to them, or unless they look in my drawer, you know? Besides I don't have too many people come to [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] often. Not too many people.

===Condoms===
'''10: Condoms 2:20''' Well, I guess you'd want to see it. Nuh, actually, you know what? Actually, I have, I have like a bunch of condoms, that expire like [[2010]], which I've been saving for uh, for uh my first time, or uh, you know, the ones after, the ones after that. Ehey, you know, as long as uh, anyway, you know, I like uh, be safe or sorry. You know even if one or the other is wearing a condom, 'cause you know they make condoms for women as well? I've heard the condom just goes up, goes up the vagina hole, with a little bit of plastic hanging out, so it can be easily taken out. So that's good, that's good, so well anyway, anyway, should you and I get together, if one of us uh, [''something unintelligible in a high-pitched goofy voice''] give yourself over to me well um, oh my god. Aw. Well, anyway, I was saying that if you did, oh, uh, if you did um like wear a condom, we'd still be good in God's eyes as long as uh, as long as you know, you don't get any, you don't get any in you, that's what condoms are for. Yeah. Yeah. Not that's just, uh, you just like something you can think about.

===My first time===
[[File:ChrisFirsttime.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Your breasts are just like I could imagine them, good size, not too big, not too small, it's like turning me on I feel so "Wow! Those are awesome!"]]
'''11. My first time: 13:04''' Yeah, let me think a moment. Hm... alright. I'm imagining, a bedroom, there's the bed, well, let's see a hotel room, basic one or two beds, lamp, a television in front of the beds, or bed. [(Girl on the other end says "Is that what you're imagining?"] Deh, you and I are entering the room, I'm just going to say it to you, the best points. You and I are entering the room, I'm prepared with a condom in my right pocket, and you are feeling so up to it. You and I would walk over to the bed, and we'd take our shoes off, and we'd sit down on the bed, side by side, and we'd turn our heads to face each other, and we'd look into each others eyes, lovingly, (pretend like you know what we're about to do is just right) and we'd lean toward each other, and we'd kiss and we'd make out. Oh yeah, our tongues are exchanging between our mouths, we're frenching and it feels so good, your tongue on mine and mine on yours just feels so good, right! And we're rubbing each others sides and backs with our hands, our mouths are busy, and after a moment, you take off your blouse, and I take off my shirt, optionally with the medallion on, you know I could have it, I could do this on or off, but uh, in this case, let's just say it's off. All right, so you took off your blouse, I took off my shirt. You are wearing a bra. You take off your skirt. I move my hands, and then you start to turn me on. You would sexually reach around your back, we're not kissing at this point, we're not kissing since we've taken off our shirts. You would reach around your back, uncouple and unhook your bra. Your breasts are just like I could imagine them, good size, not too big, not too small, it's like turning me on I feel so "Wow! Those are awesome!" My penis would bulge through my underwear, starting to become erect. And then you would put your hands on your breasts, like you're massaging them, and turn back then you're leading me on to massage them for you. And then you'd lean to, and you'd cuh - and then while you're massaging your breasts, you'd lean towards me for me to massage them so you can work, those [incoherent stuttering] massage on yourself for you so I could be the massager for you. Then I will put my hands on your breasts, feels SO good, my hands, they feel so lovely, the first skin contact I feel as such between me as the man and you as the woman. You're turned on by all this and I'm turned on. My bulge gets bigger, and you might start to feel a little wet down there in your panties, 'cause that would be the precum that you would extrude from this first, this um, this first erection there. Uhm. And you would, then you would come down and after another makeout when you'd massa - and I'm touching your breasts, you'd make your way down from my head you'd take off my underwear, and then you'd massage my erect penis, and then you'd lick it a bit like an ice cream cone. Then you'd put your mouth, and you'd just, you'd just enjoy it. It feels, it feels right to you because it's the penis of your lover, it feels good for me too, because I can feel the wetness of your mouth and tongue around it, Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a virgin, I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I feel my comeuppance and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. I would have eaten so much chocolate, that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that. And right after I'd given you my first round, my first comeuppance, you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis, and then you would take off your panties, and I would, uh and you, and you would be on the bed now, you'd be lying down, and then I would put the index finger of my right hand into your vaginal opening, it feels so good. I would have my left hand on your right breast, massaging that, with the right, and my left hand, then I'd massage the inside of your vagina. With my index and middle fingers at first, and then eventually I would add my fourth finger. And if it felt like, if it looked like there was more room, I'd add my pinkie and then my thumb. And then after, after that, then I would remove my hand and then I would lick your clit. It would feel, it would feel so good to you, like as if I, like as if I was gently tickling you, you know, like you're in the wind, or the water rushing up to your vaginal opening, it feels so good. I'd lick your clit, and then I would lick the, lick, lick the little, lick the opening walls of your vaginal opening, and it would feel so good to you. And then after about a minute of that, I would get myself ready to put my penis in your vagina, but then I would, then I would politely warn you since we both are virgins, I would say, "This might hurt a bit at first," but it would start to feel SO good then you would nod in understanding and agreement. Then I would put, a condom on my penis, I would put it into your vagina, you might feel hurt, you might feel good, I don't know what you would be at this point, but at this point I imagine you would feel just like, "Oh, I'm so surprised, this feels, this is starting to feel just so good," got blood in my- your vagina at this point because you ARE a virgin and I just broke, just broke your hymen. But anyway, you feel so good, and it feels so good, and I feel, I feel good, cuz' I'm pushing it in and pulling it out, and I'm pushing it in and pulling it out and it just feels so good, and I mea-.. uhh uhh uhh, oh yeah it feels so good and I would massage your breasts with both my free hands as I am - as you are lying down and I am basically on my knees, and it is just so good and I'm givin' it to ya smoothly as I can, mmmh, yeah, yeah, and then to make yourself feel comfortable, you might ask me, you'd probably ask me to pull my dick out, my hard cock out, and you'd turn over onto your hands and knees with your legs spread open wide, revealing your vaginal opening, and I'd put it back in, me on my knees, I'd put my dick back in there and give it, give it to you some more, it feels so good, oh yeah, mmm yeah, uh yes, oh god, oh yeah, I can feel it's so good, oh yeah [''etc''] And then after a couple minutes or so of this, I would think that, I would think I would want of take a little break myself, I would take my penis out, and I would lie on my back, and you would, and you would be on your knees, and you would put my penis into your vagina, by yourself, it's sticking straight up or possibly curved downward towards my feet. And you would slide your vagina onto my dick. And it just feels so good and [''moaning, etc.''] and then you would have your right hand on your right breast, and your left hand would be on my right side, I'd massage your free breast with my right hand, it just feels so good [moaning] and I would feel like I'm about to come, so I would just, I'd just let you know before an instant, and I'd pull it out. Then I'd take the condom off and put it in the trash can. [[File:ChrisFirstTimeEnd.jpg|250px|thumb|"and we'd just be like, "That was so awesome!"]]And then I would just stroke my penis up and down, and you'd, uh, you'd offer your breasts for me let the semen land upon it giving you what is like a pearl necklace. And then I would come. Drips of the semen would just come out in bunches, and the drips would fall all around, all over your chest and on top of your breasts, and just the drips, they would feel warm, and they would feel so good to you there, it would feel just right at the point, there, and then, you would probably lick the rest off of the tip of my penis. [[Sigh]]. Th-th-then at that point, we'd go to the bathroom and wash each other off. We'd take two washcloths, and you'd wash my penis clean, and I'd wash your breasts clean, and I'd reach down and wash your vagina clean. But then we would be just looking at each other lovingly under the covers of the bed, and we'd just be like, "That was so awesome!" And we'd acknowledge each other in some such sense. And that's a good way of me imagining my first time. Ah, well. Oh yeah I usually wear white underwear, by the way. Hmm.. what color are your bra and panties? Purple?

===It's called phone sex===
'''12. It's called phone sex 0:43''' That's fine, but did you enjoy that? The detailed presentation..? [''Sigh''] Did you actually feel like you wet your panties a bit during all that. Then I did good! [''he sounds genuinely happy here''] Awesome. You know, basically, what we went through? Is like phone sex. Have you heard of that?

===How does I sex phone?===
'''13. How does I sex phone? 0:26''' Alright so basically, we're at the point where you're like the woman who, like, wants to get turned on by a man, and you pick up the phone, and I answer it, and you want, and you want me to describe what I would do to you, and how you would - then how you would feel and you would enjoy it so much and yeah. Basically what we just did was like phone sex.

===Perfect Cyber Sex===
'''14. Perfect Cyber Sex: 1:45''' Oh, I'm sorry. Let me turn the volume down on the radio again. [''Sigh''] Uh. Okay. So anyway, so anyway the fake vagina or the cylindrical, or the cylindrical tube with the suction thing in it, yeah, either of them have a USB cord attached to it and I'll plug it into the PSP and then the man would have the suction tube or vagina on his, on the, on the, on his penis, or for the women, it would be like, if, if, because if it was truly like cybersex, then it would be like in relation to like to what was happening live over the internet. Yeah, like similar for you, like similar for you, since you're the, you're the woman, you would get like, uh, a dildo? And on the end of it would be the USB cord right there, you'd plug that in, and the dildo, you, you wouldn't have to pull it like in or out, it would have like a thing attached to it, where it attaches to like, like the groin area probably, and it would just pump itself in and out like the man was, was doing you there. So like I imagine that would be how cybersex would be perfected, at that point.

===Under my coat===
'''15. Under my coat: 0:15''' And now, I am wearing nothing underneath this housecoat. You wanna see?
</div>

==Sonichu spoilers==

===Birthdays===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''1. Birthdays: 0.59''' Hey, everybody's having fun! They're having birthday parties! It starts off with Rosey's birthday, then we've got the Chaotic Combo's birthday on the same day, and then we've got Sonichu's birthday. Then at this point, he's a surprise party so he's coming home from a hot birthday date with Rosechu, and he's dressed up in a tuxedo and she's dressed up in a glitzy ballroom gown and she's got glitter makeup on her. So then they - then she turns on the light and everybody jumps up and yells, "Surprise!" and then on the 4th page, there's just a little private party, just a little private party between Blake and Bubbles. She delivers him a cupcake, and he's just sitting there, and then at one point she's like, "Why don't you go ahead and blow out the candles, blow out the candle and make a wish?" And he's just like, "Well, I'll blow out the candle but I already have my wish." And then they kiss. And make out.

===FUCK YEAH SPRING BREAK!===
'''2. FUCK YEAH SPRING BREAK! 0:43''' And then Bubbles, then Bubbles asks Blake, "Are you gonna come to the spring break party at the beach tomorrow, right?" And he says "Yeah, and I'm gonna put on my little, I'll put on my bad boy show for your gal-pals." And then for the next couple of pages, it's um, yeah, he's pretending, he's pretending to be the bad guy in front of everybody but Bubbles. But Bubbles, only in front of Bubbles, he'll be, he'll be the good boy in addition to the bad boy. [''Bizarre noise''] The bad boy in private! All right so anyway, after that little plot bit, bit between Blake and Bubbles...

===Parody===
'''3. Parody: 1:28''' I'll do a parody of [[Family Guy]] a little bit. It's like, do you remember, [''goofy high pitched voice''] "This is MTV and we're rockin' it with Spring Break!" flippin' through the channels, and then it's like, "Hey! This is VH1 and we're rockin' it live with Spring Break!" And then, "Thousands injured. For CNN, I'm Bernard Shaw. Keepin' it real and keepin' it ours at Spring Break! Woooooooo!" And then Meg would groan. And for my bit, I've got like Umm TV, and then uh, then uh instead of VH1 I have like PH1 and then instead of CNN News, I take a little bit, I borrow a little bit, a parody, borrow a little parody of Fox 20th Century from [''something''] he calls like [''something'']. I have all like six volumes of DVD [''some crap about manga or something''] I realize I was being intrusive upon it, taking, taking after real life.</div>

== See also ==
*[[Chris Sex Videos]]
*[[Christian's sex joke]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

==External links==

* [https://archive.org/details/cwcsexlogs1 I am Perverted – MP3 Recording]
*<s>[http://rapidshare.com/files/148751611/CWCAudio.zip.html MP3 Recordings]</s>

[[Category:Chatlogs]]
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Sonichu 11

2021-09-30T07:46:50Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Part 1 */ minor corrections

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = 30 [[June 2017]]
| pagecount = 102
| episodes = 22, 23, 24.1
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}

{{quote|For continued peace of my mind that will keep the drawing spark lit, please Donate or Pledge some money my way. Thank You All for your loyalty, fandom and patience. |Chris, May 2017, upon his re-return to drawing comic pages in 2017, asking for donations, despite still owing pages to [[DStecks]] for his $1,000 donation.<ref>[[Live Drawing Streams]]</ref>}}

'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth-anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever.

On 4 [[September 2015]], however, in an unprecedented act of will and determination, Chris managed to crawl back from his long night of [[Kick the Autistic|abuse]] at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages. The revival of the Sonichu comic proved too stressful for Chris, even though he had been paid over $1,000 to do it<ref>[[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages]]</ref>, and he dropped the project once again after 25 October.

Two years later, on 8 [[May 2017]], Chris [[Live Drawing Stream - 05082017|began work on the comic again]] and finished it on 30 June.

==Production Notes==
===2009===

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future. So far, Chris has kept the promise of not including the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]] as a character, restructuring the series to its original intention as an uninspired ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' [[Chris and copyright|homage]], although he would make a cameo appearance in a set of pages near the end of the Christmas special.

===2010 - Hoax conclusion===
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show some infants his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]." An archive of the pages can be seen [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/that-one-issue.197/#post-20215 here].

Surprisingly, Punchy and Blake are nowhere to be seen nor mentioned in either part of the hoax comic.

====Part 1====
The comic picks up one morning in the Sonichu household. As Rosechu cooks breakfast, Sonichu and her discuss their bed romp right in front of Robbie, who ponders on what as "Seven inch- wightning wod" is. Sonichu informs his son that he will show him later on. Chris pops up to inform the audience that Sonichu is not a pedofork, but instead teaching his young son on sex so he will be prepared for the young Rosey he will one day engage in sex with. Magi-Chan mentally informs Sonichu of an attack on the mall- Slawheel being behind the attack. He can sense Angelica and Bubbles inside, but a psychic barrier prevents him from seeing in further. Sonichu tells him to get the CWCVille Power Rangers- he will be there after he finishes breakfast. Sonichu gets to the mall and meets with Officer Perez- who pretty much sums up what Magi Chan just said one page prior. Wild suddenly shows up.

Back at home, Reginald is at the Sonichu house for no explained reason, and young Robbie decides to ask him about a "seven-inch lightning rod". Reginald, being the modest gentleman he is, whips out his penis for Robbie and Cerah to play with it, Robbie declaring he wants to put it in his mouth. Rosechu interrupts and rightfully yells at Reginald. The Sneasel makes a sorry excuse that Angelica has not done her womanly duties of sexually pleasing him in over 3 months, and apologizes for exposing himself. Rosechu implies she will aide him in his needs and sends her children off to go watch Family Guy Blu-Rays (the perfect show for children). On the bottom of the page is an Axe ad "for that delicius smell".

Once in her room, Rosechu preaches to Reginald about how he should not seek adultery for his urges. Reginald sees the error of his ways and thanks Rosechu for her support. He mentally laments about Rosechu's beauty, her kindness...her body, and lusts for her, knowing she is Sonichu's. He has shown no concern nor worry that Angelica is being held hostage at the mall. Chris takes up a full page with an American flag to inform the readers that Rosechu is indeed faithful to Sonichu, and educates the readers on the dangers of cheating, such as diseases and children born with homosexuality, and how the main Rosechu gals freely express their feminism in the bedroom with their respected men.

Back at the mall, the battle has been fought completely offscreen as Wild and Sonichu talk about the aftermath. Magi Chan mentally informs them that he has found hostages, with Sonichu saying they will need ambulances and transportation for the homeless to go to the soup hotels in CWCVille. They take a moment to discuss how great the mayor is in attending to the people of the town and go back to their task of finding Slawheel. Sonichu finds her on the next page, and punches her a few times, declaring it a great battle as Slawheel flies away on a Nimbus Cloud with Sonichu flipping her off as she leaves, Slawheel declaring that though she has given up, there are more surprises in store. The Mal-Wart blows up as Sonichu and Wild watch in horror. Magi, who somehow survived, inform them Anglica and Bubbles are dead, along with 350 others (175 innocent, 23 Jerkops, 47 Janekops, and 127 were hypnotized by Slawheel. Three Power Rangers also died valiantly). Sonichu swears on his dead friends that he will get Slawheel for her crimes.

The first part ends on Magi informing Reginald on Angelica's death (she died buying tampons and/or pads as Magi implies), and how the Sneasel should invest in a sex-doll while he partakes in a love quest to replace Angelica. Reginald shows no sorrow for his lost love, as he blames Sonichu for a moment, but now finds himself free to make moves on Rosechu.

====Part 2====
Sonichu and Rosechu in: Dangers Above

The next episode opens on Wild and Sandy, who are adjusting to living without Simonla around. Sandy leaves for school and Wild tells her to be good and study hard. Sandy slips her earbuds in to listen to her favorite band, Christian and the Hedgehog Boys. Unfortunately, she is so distracted by her music, she walks in front of a speeding car. The driver was texting and driving, but suddenly sees the tragedy he caused. The next page cuts to her funeral as Sonichu and Rosechu pity Wild- losing his wife, and then his daughter. Rosechu attempts to empathize and offer support to Wild. Wild, overcome with grief and anger, lashes out at her, saying she's never lost anything while he has now lost his entire family. Rosechu is in shock of his anger, but Sonichu tells her to shrug it off since he's in grief. He answers his phone during the funeral with a frantic Heather on the other end. The kids got into the cleaners while Heather used the bathroom and all three kids had drunk all of the drain cleaner. Sonichu and Rosechu rush to the hospital and learn the fate of their children- Robbie and Christine died from ingesting the cleaner, but Cerah lived since she is the oldest and was not fatally affected (even though she's only a few months older than Christine and all kids were the same size). However, Cerah suffered major brain damage and would need assistance for the rest of her life. Sonichu and Rosechu grieve as two headstones take up the rest of the page for the children.

Later, Sonichu falls under stress with all the medical bills. Rosechu suggests he go get help from the mayor, to which Sonichu says is no use- Chris has been missing for months and is too busy with his video games and The Wallflower to care. Sonichu mentally blames Rosechu for the kids' fates as she left the cleaner out where they could easily get to it, and Rosechu mentally laments that Sonichu doesn't attempt to understand her.

The next scene cuts to a few weeks later as Marvey Blaziken discusses with Wild the legal actions after Sandy's death. The driver was convicted of texting and driving, but since Sandy was witnessed jaywalking at the time of her death, the driver was not convicted of involuntary manslaughter. The driver is only fined for running a stop sign and is put on probation for three months. Wild gains some self-awareness and yells about how terrible the laws are in the town- they have useless things like Dating Education (ironically where Wild met Simonla). Marvey suggests they present the mayor with a petition so he can review CWCville laws, to which Wild responds in saying that's hopeless- all of Chris's documents are signed with DS consoles. Wild excuses himself to be alone. The next page shows him with a gun, declaring he no longer wants to live and ends his life.

Sonichu drinks at TGI Fridays, verbally lashing out at the bartender to get him his fourth Long Island Iced Tea. Angelica appears to console Sonichu (most likely as a drunk hallucination by Sonichu) as he flirtingly invites her to sit with him. Meanwhile, Rosechu is at home grieving over Cerah's status, as she is tired of having to give Cerah 24/7 assistance, as Cerah lays in bed drooling and urinating. Rosechu thinks about how she dreamt of seeing her daughter walk down the aisle and start a family, but now she is "slow in the mind". Rosechu is angry over having no money to buy shoes and being forced to eat tuna from a can. She has reached her end and smothers Cerah with a pillow, mentally begging for forgiveness from her daughter. Sonichu comes home and is informed of her death. The two parents seem to shrug off their final child's death heartlessly- Rosechu glad he didn't suspect anything, and Sonichu actually relieved with her death. In a big text wall, the couple talk about their true feelings- Sonichu cannot stop blaming her for the kids' death, and Rosechu revealing she never really loved him, and it was foolish they got together just because they looked the same, and she had felt like nothing but a sex object to him and just a prize for him to show to his friends. She agrees to a divorce but declares Sonichu will pay for ruining her life.

The episode ends with a PSA from Chris to the audience about how an act of carelessness can snowball into tragic events. He reminds them all to have safe sex and to know the difference between lust and love.

====Reception====
Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll<ref>[[CWC_Blog#26_April_2010]]</ref>. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.

===2015===

{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I have been unable to get that routine successfully habitual and set. The reasons are between my Emotions and Mood; I have to be in the right mind set in order to draw and create.|Chris, February 2016, shortly before citing a bunch of tired excuses as to why he wouldn’t work on the comic that he was paid over $1,000 to do.<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Bleeding Autism]]</ref>}}

According to statements made by [[William Elliott Waterman]] and his friend, Waterman had commissioned Chris, for $100, to draw Sonichu 11 pages<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-4-5-fearful-of-working.1331/page-7#post-26095</ref><ref>[[:File:Waterman commission CWC $100 .png]]</ref>, as part of a pathetic attempt to get himself unbanned from a video game blog. To that end, Waterman provided a script for Sonichu 11, including a page in which he begged the moderator of the blog to unban him; however, Chris merely used the script for inspiration and heavily revised it to his liking<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-5-11-sonichu-sketches.1402/#post-29062</ref>.

On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sonichu-11-development-images.12384</ref>. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were, in fact, new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.
<center>{{collapsible
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The glorious, yet brief, resurrection of the comic on 4 September 2015, when Chris uploaded 11 new pages, was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. One day later, a Youtube reviewer named [[DStecks]] gave Chris $1,000, thinking that Chris would deliver 100 pages of Sonichu. The donation listing was one of his best-selling items, until Etsy forced him to remove it, apparently because it violated TOS<ref>[[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal]]</ref>.

Despite being paid, Chris only completed a further 16 pages before dropping the project for another ''two years''. Only 27 pages were added in 2015, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, inappropriate portrayals of underage characters, walls of expository text and tone-deaf racism - are present and accounted for.

For the next two years, Chris would recycle a set of worn-out excuses for why he didn't feel like doing work he was paid to do. His typical claim of stress evolved to ADD<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Bleeding Autism]]</ref>, then dementia<ref>[[2017 tweets#Doopie defends Chris]]</ref>, and he also blamed [[Lulu]] for banning him over Sonichu being fanfiction. He last made those comments in April 2017.

===2016===
Chris discussed the comic with [[Arthur Spatchcock]] in early 2016.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And uh, kind of a spoiler, there will be a part in a future story where he-- where pretty much in a [[dream]] scenario, he has to swim in a river of essentially [[pickle]] brine juice.

'''Arthur:''' Oh no.

'''Chris:''' And he blows up during the swim.

'''Arthur:''' Really? So he's like, he's like deathly allergic to pickles?

'''Chris:''' Quite.

'''Arthur:''' He better hope he gets an {{w|Epinephrine|endephrine shot}} after that.

'''Chris:''' Well he's quite, uh, he's quite strong, so he's able to survive it, and at the end of the river is uh, is a healing pond at which he recovers from the allergy fairly quick.

'''Arthur:''' Well I guess that will definitely take care of that problem.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Arthur:''' Now are you going to be introducing any more new characters into the series? Because right now you've already got quite a collection of people already ready to go. But seeing as how previous villains in the series have either been arrested, or, or gone, or dead, or missing, I should say, are you introducing new villains into the series based on the current, you know, issues in your life?

'''Chris:''' I would say that's still yet to be determined. But at least I was-- at least I am definitely glad to give [[Count Graduon]] a past human form with which to lead into his spirit, and um, [[Duck|very small]] spoiler, among the uh, people he'll be bringing in uh, the bodies, he finds somebody that looks nearly exactly like he used to, and he brings in-- he becomes one of the Jerkops, so he brings him in and moves his soul from the Metal Sonichu into that body.

'''Arthur:''' Now I gotta tell you right now, I definitely want to see more [[Metal Sonichu]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll definitely see Graduon's soul in Metal Sonichu's body, and uh, [[Ren Skysoar|Skysoar]] will be employed under Graduon, and he'll make a few more of them.

'''Arthur:''' See, what you need in the series, I think to really push the bad guys now, instead of just having Jerkops, you need like, robotic Jerkops, like 2.0.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, pretty much, uh...

'''Arthur:''' After all, when you have a hero like Sonichu... Sonichu is already pretty powerful, and all of his friends are pretty strong too. You need to start adding that concept of conflict by making the enemies tougher too.

'''Chris:''' ...Yes, that will be taken under consideration. I already have a few-- I already have a few ideas on my mind, among which. But that is definitely one I could definitely add into, uh, the uh, into the [[Jerkop]] and Janekops, there.

'''Arthur:''' Because--

'''Chris:''' Make 'em-- make 'em a bit cyborg.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, you know, it's like, uh, it's like [[Power Rangers]], the original Power Rangers, with Zordon? When they had the {{w|Villains_in_Mighty_Morphin_Power_Rangers#Putty_Patrol|Putties}}, and then they had the Lord Zedd Putties?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. ...Quite. But anyway, yes, I will take all that under great consideration.

===2017===
[[File:Beggingcountermay2017.png|thumb|Goddamnit Chris.]]

After 561 days of [[stress]]-fuelled inaction, Chris suddenly resumed work on the comic in [[May 2017]], with a [[Live Drawing Stream]] on the 8th, in which he took half an hour to draw the line-art for a single page. The sketch from that session, with three others, was posted to Facebook on the 11th. On the 14th-15th, he recorded more drawing and filmed himself using Photoshop. On the 23rd, he posted twelve fully colored pages to Facebook, finally putting an end to the Christmas special.

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In June 2017, Chris finished more pages and placed them behind a patron-only wall on [[Patreon]], stating that free samples would no longer be available<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts#Patreon plans]]</ref>. This move is in marked contrast to what he had advertised on [[Etsy]] two years before when he said, "[[Lie|All completed Past and NEW Pages will be uploaded and Publicly viewable on my Facebook Page.]]" Regardless of his shady [[business]] dealings, fans continued throwing money at him, with some leaking the pages to the general public.

After '''eight years''' of development, he finished Sonichu 11 on 30 June.

[[File:Sonichu 11 book.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris's copy of the book.]]
In July, he distributed print copies of the book, likely manufactured through [[Lulu]], to people who had pledged at least $20 to his [[Patreon]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/June_2017_Patreon_posts#Sonichu_11_page_91</ref>.

[[File:Sonichu11Credits.png|thumb|left|Part of the credits page]]
The printed edition of the book contains three pages worth of credits to people who had donated/pledged money to his Etsy and Patreon accounts, spanning nearly two years.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/June_2017_Patreon_posts#Book_11_completed</ref> The first two mentioned are early backers [[Waterman|Mister V.B.B.]] and [[DStecks|Daniel Steckly]].

===Speculation===

The ultimate content of future episodes was the subject of much speculation. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making his reappearance no surprise; however, the bizarre way that he returns (apparently "played" by [[Silvana]]) seems to be a misguided attempt to avoid [[copyright]] infringement by having the blue hedgehog not be the "real" Sonic.

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This was pretty incomprehensible, as a {{w|Reboot (fiction)|reboot}} is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. A {{w|clip show}}, on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these corresponds to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more {{w|backstory}}, while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo. In the end, neither of this happened, the "clip show" instead being a flash-forward followed by a flashback.

==Episode 22: "A Sonichu Christmas"==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also, child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
''This episode is not numbered, but as it skips from 21 to 23, this is clearly intended as Episode 22.''

In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching plot of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs and their hellish offspring partaking in various boring and tedious Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad-libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]]. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from ''{{w|A Visit from St. Nicholas}}''. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile, Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites {{w|Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55}} (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.
Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]" and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good mornint". Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up the chimney and using his super-speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom, Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches television]] and reminded that Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah, meanwhile, plays ''Call of Duty: World at War'' with Kevin the Jew. Kevin's character dies and his score is erased (even though ''Call of Duty'' doesn't work that way as a game), and when he complains, Cera chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game, and soon after [[Magi-Chan]] begins chatting to Cerah telepathically about the incident, exploring her feelings for Kevin even though she's supposed to be a toddler. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home, they call her a cab to a soup hotel. Robbie, eager for adulation, announces that he feels embarrassed by his professed enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake suddenly remarks furiously that he isn't [[Chris and race|racist]] before expressing furious rage at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retroactive flashback]] informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was never referenced before. She is reunited with Wild, her daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smartphone and explains very tersely that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion [sic]". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before almost orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for he indeed rocks. [[Evan]] is unmentioned. Sandy concludes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". The entire segment is, of course, a ham-fisted attempt to remind everyone that Chris retconned the violent deaths of these men in ''[[Sonichu 10]]'' into an exile into Amish country.

Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. An unwarranted author's note informs the reader that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids. Meanwhile, up in the mountains for some reason, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange wooden statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan suggests, [[Chris and writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]], they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (the "table" is the altar of her church, which Chris evidently believes Catholics use as a dining table). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play. Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu about her clothes being destroyed and the great urgency with which she needs new ones. This once again muddies the waters regarding Sonichus and Rosechus and clothing; Christine is practically hysterical over not having any clothes to wear even though she's covered in fur and many of the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon never wear clothing at all. Clothing issues notwithstanding, Rosechu finds the now-adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, panties" before regaling everyone with a pointless, extremely detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidel cookies as a way of making amends. Kevin calmly explains how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her. These characters are supposed to be very young children. Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two whole minutes before deciding they're over it. Note that this is one of few occasions in ''Sonichu'' where an undesirable situation is not resolved in an artificially cheerful way. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their electric car.

[[File:48.jpg|thumb|Chris shoots down Blake's plans for a threesome.]]
Later, at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], all the Sonichus and Rosechus have gathered together around a large Christmas tree to engage in holiday merriment. Angelica reveals that she kicked Reginald out of her house after he "trashed her bed", but plans to apologize to him later. Punchy responds with the news that Layla has left him because she could not get along with the Bananasauros. Simonla asks what has become of Chris since her recovery, at which point Rosechu reveals that in the time since the last issue, Chris has transitioned into a woman and now goes by Christine. Sonichu goes on a spiel about accepting others for their differences and apologizes for past remarks he has made. Wild suggests that the gang should visit Chris to show their support, and the rest agree. [[Allison Amber]] makes her sole appearance this issue just to say that she has other plans and can't go with them.

In [[Virginia]], the assorted 'chus show up at Chris' house with a cake. Chris, who is depicted with photographs a la [[Sonichu 6]], accepts their kindness. Blake comments that Chris has a nice rack and then they all pose for a group photo, concluding an episode that had been in the making for eight years.

==Episode 23: "Simonchu & Bananafunkle”==

{{see also|July 2017 Patreon posts#Simonchu & Bananafunkle script}}

[[File:VikingBoyBillyPatreon.png|thumb|Waterman has no self-respect.]]

In 2017, Chris posted Waterman’s 2015 script for this episode, which the latter had paid Chris $100 to produce. Chris had taken many artistic liberties with the material. Notably, Waterman had included a scene in which he pleaded with the administration of a video game blog to unban him; instead, Chris rewrote the lines to mock Waterman for being “juvenile.” Despite Chris being two years late on delivering, disregarding much of his script, and insulting him in the finished product, Waterman continued to give him money for the comic, donating through Patreon.

Summary

In West Virginia, Simonchu is repeatedly blown up by random underground Voltorbs while hunting for fossils when he receives a text from Simonla inviting him to her house. Simonchu decides to go and visit (taking a fossil and a Razor Claw with him), and we are treated to a flashback in which the retconned ending of Sonichu 10 shows that the Asperpedia 4 were not brutally murdered, but instead deprived of all their possessions by the state and imprisoned on an Amish farm for life in a less gory but still unconstitutional sentencing. Despite Simonla's retconned survival, Wild is shown screaming at a clearly distraught Simonchu, calling him a "murderer" despite nobody being dead, threatening to violently assault him (presumably with the intent to kill) over a murder that no longer took place. This begs the question-why does Simonchu risk death by showing up to Wild's house in person when he's clearly shown to own a perfectly functional iPhone?

Simonchu arrives at Simonla's house, where the latter suffers a fit of sanity and (reasonably) forgives Simonchu for his involvement in her not-murder, as after all, he wasn't the one who blew her up. Suddenly, Sandy returns home, and upon spotting Simonchu seems to immediately forget that her mother's death was retconned and yells at Simonla to "get away from that male". Simonla yells at her to apologize, and the mention of her middle name ("Samantha") inexplicably causes the psychotic Sandy to enter a berserk state in which she breaks the fourth wall to threaten to drill the reader's dick off if they even so much as mention a variation on "Samantha".

Sandy refuses to forgive Simonchu for being "one of those trolls", prompting Simonchu to protest that he was against the assassination plot in the first place, to which Sandy screams at him to shut up. A frightened Simonchu tries to stutter out a "Yes Sandy" in affirmation, but unfortunately, Sandy is ALSO inexplicably enraged by shorthand variations on her FIRST name, which makes you wonder why Wild and Simonla don't just have Chris legally change it to something else so she doesn't drill someone's dick out in the future.

The situation only escalates when Wild suddenly returns home, due to a Deus ex Machina sense telling him to be where the plot required him to be. Wild immediately pulls out a vine and by the next panel, Simonchu is out cold due to Wild committing the assault he threatened him with. It's only THEN that Simonla yells at her family to stop being idiots for five seconds, remember that her death was completely retconned out, and apologize to Simonchu for assaulting him once he regains consciousness. At no point does Simonla announce an intention to apologize to Simonchu for causing the whole mess by being too lazy to text her husband and daughter about this in advance.

Upon recovery, Simonchu claims that he was abused by the Asperpedia 4 by being trained to fight high level Pokémon and was "mentally dumbed down" by "videos of the seriously mentally challenged". Despite being locked in a cage, he was able to obtain Internet access by stealing someone's phone, getting Simonla's number, and sending her evidence of his plight. Simonla apparently promised to launch a rescue attempt that never took place.

Simonchu then explains that the plot against Simonla's life was a retaliatory strike for Chris's mass murder of hundreds of people in Sonichu #10. He details their plan to kill everyone Sonichu and Rosechu at the mall, which was apparently supposed to involve Sean throwing rocks at people and Alec setting more than one Voltorb. Simonchu explains that his role in the plan was to distract Magi-chan's psychic surveillance by thinking "Kill Simonla" repeatedly, a tactical decision that is comparable to setting off the sprinklers so you can commit arson. During his incarceration, Wild and Sandy visited him for the sole purpose of screaming at him for things that were clearly beyond his ability to control (once again calling him a "murderer" despite nobody dying), presumably because Simonla once again neglected to tell someone about an important thing involving Simonchu.

Wild and Sandy give a standard Chris pseudo-apology and the issue is promptly forgotten about. Simonchu goes on to explain that he moved to West Virginia to dig for fossils until recently, as he felt "banned from Virginia" despite being acquitted of any involvement in a crime and CWCville merely being one city out of many. Wild asks Simonchu for the Razor Claw so he can give it to Reginald so the latter can evolve, while Sandy offers to take Simonchu to the local museum to have the mystery fossil revived.

Thirty minutes later, Wild arrives at Angelica's church and gives her the Razor Claw. We then flash forward four days to December 22nd, 2008. Angelica gives Reginald the Razor Claw, the two have sex (thankfully offscreen for once), and then promptly fall asleep. Reginald then presumably gains a level in his sleep while holding on to the Razor Claw at night, causing him to suddenly evolve into a Weavile. He then spends five minutes trashing every part of the room save for the section of the bed Angelica is still sleeping in due to some sort of feral rage. Angelica awakes to find Reginald huddled in the corner, now completely coherent and claiming that he's "evolved against his own will" (even though all he had to do to stop it was not hold on to the Razor Claw at night) and despite Angelica's pleas, he leaves for her safety because he thinks he is now "vicious and more dark than the night", forcing Angelica and her sister nuns to clean up his mess.

Chris then interjects, apologizes for not giving the episode a title yet, and explains that the rest of the episode will be based on a script Waterman gave him in 2015, though Chris states that he has taken creative liberty to add more details to the story.

Back on December 18th, 2008, Simonchu and Sandy arrive at the Museum and give the mystery fossil to an unnamed Rosechu scientist (who Simonchu considers asking out). While they wait for the fossil to be revived, Simonchu expresses an intention to move to CWCville and Sandy explains that despite being less than a few months old she was placed in the fourth grade after what was presumably a basic intelligence test. The scientist Rosechu then returns, announcing that the revived fossil is a new species of Pokémon that has been dubbed the Bananasaur (a Grass/Dragon-type) and requests that Simonchu and Sandy breed it to obtain new Bananasaurs for research purposes.

The Bananasaur does not appear to be a normal Pokémon, as Sandy explains that it's not using whatever universal language Pokémon use to talk to one another to communicate. In fact, it appears to speak complete nonsense. At a nearby manga store, Punchy overhears what the Bananasaur is trying to tell Sandy--that he's a fan of Samurai Pizza Cats and AC/DC. Punchy enters the museum and begins to converse with the Bananasauros, who explains that he is the recently reincarnated spirit of someone who was struck by a car while listening to music on his phone while going to play vidya with his friends. Punchy offers the Bananasaur some Pocky, and Simonchu suggests that Punchy be the one to take care of the Bananasuar as nobody else can understand him.

Suddenly, the Bananasaur evolves into a banana-shaped dinosaur thing which Punchy dubs the Bananasauros (clearly meant to be Banana''saurus''). Punchy concludes that it must have been a friendship-induced evolution and takes the Bananasauros home. On the way to Punchy's house, the Bananasauros elaborates on his past life, claiming to be the reincarnated spirit of a high school "seinor", skateboarder, and "expert rad gamer" named David Rotgard. David the Bananasauros goes on to claim that he deserves his current fate, as shortly before his death he "cheaded Caitllyn on Henny". The two return home, and while David is happy to see that he can still operate a controller, Layla is upset that Punchy got a pet/adopted a baby/took in a random high schooler without so much as a phone call. Punchy promises to take care of their new friend, but Layla threatens to leave him if it becomes too much for her to handle. Punchy leaves to go play Call of Duty with his new roommate.

On December 22nd, Punchy takes David to the local Pokémon Day Care Center and forces him to have sex with a Ditto in the form of a female Bananasauros, telling him to suck it up. David is traumatized by the whole experience and sorely regrets every life decision he made that resulted in being reincarnated as a banana dragon thing. After the Ditto lays the eggs containing David's children, David requests that he be neutered so he never has to be raped by a Ditto again. Later in the week, Punchy takes David to Nabe's dojo to teach him how to fight. Punchy easily gains the upper hand, until David notices a skateboard propped up against a tree after being thrown through a wall.

David crashes through the wall on a skateboard and begins fighting Punchy again, right after the Sonichu had patched up the holes from their training session a few moments ago. Punchy complains that David "lacks discipline" and is offended that he'd consider bringing a skateboard onto "sacred ground", but fights him anyway. David beats Punchy, as his skateboarding-based fighting style is too unorthodox for Punchy to read, but as he stands over Punchy and gloats, a loose floorboard flings Punchy into David with enough force to send both of them to the hospital.

Punchy and David return home to find Layla packing her bags, furious that Punchy would continue to associate with David after the latter's antics landed them in the hospital. Layla tells Punchy to not bother trying to find her, that she's unfriended him on Facebook, and that she never wants to see him again. Layla then slugs the Bananasauros in the face and "devours part of his body", commenting that he doesn't even taste like a fruit. David tries to apologize to Punchy via the standard Chris format, but Punchy is too pissed at him for destroying his relationship in just four days of existing to care.

[[File:Bananasauros.jpg|thumb|A [[ween]]'s character getting beaten up by a [[troll]]'s character.]]

Chris then butts in, declaring that he's going to be summarizing the rest of the episode because "time is short" and he wants to get on to his original ideas already. He explains that Layla hooked up with Reginald and got a job working as a secretary with the local power company and that the two moved in with each other shortly after Christmas. Punchy grows increasingly distraught as David doesn't pick up after himself, does nothing but play video games, and hogs the TV so much that Punchy can't enjoy Samurai Pizza Cats (with Chris insulting Waterman for the latter's idea that the two could be best roommates). David is hired for odd jobs by Shin-Nabe as a form of discipline training.

The episode ends with Magi-chan deciding to butt in, explaining that he's been looking for the cast's Mega Stones since the end of Sonichu 10, that he's fully aware of whatever it is that Graduon's planning, and spoilers that Chris will "nullify" a "spot of havoc" at an SLGBTQ festival in 2009, presumably referring to something in Sonichu #12, while claiming that Chris will stop writing slice of life stories after that.

==Episode 24, Part 1: "The Clip Show: Catching Up"==

Taking place on August 21st, 2009, Episode 24 consists mostly of flashbacks in an attempt to form an approximation of clip show episode. The chapter displays that Chris doesn't understand how clip shows are supposed to work.

The comic opens with a confusing "behind-the-scenes prologue" in which Silvana Rosechu is getting ready to play a guest star in what she calls, "an episode of our history." She gets dressed and then transforms into Sonic the Hedgehog as a man with a name tag labeled "STAFF" tells her cameras are rolling.

Sonic comes across Sonichu and Rosechu in the mall carrying large amounts of bags while lamenting the lack of carts in malls. The three have a difficult to read conversation about sales "featuring the CWC-sclusives until Amy decides to go off to shop some more. Sonichu and Sonic sit down on a bench and catch up on the events in each other's lives since they last interacted in Sonichu 1.

Sonichu mentions his children as the scene transitions to 12:30 pm on February 17, 2009, at AnnWeston elementary school. The infobox also informs us that it is 65 degrees "Farenheit" for no apparent reason. Cera and Christine Rosey and Robbie Sonee are having a tea party when they are interrupted by a bully who throws a baseball at Robbie's head. Robbie retaliates with an electric attack, but it has no effect. The bully tries to get help from a police officer to no avail. He then calls for a boy named Dogson saying, "It's time to play for our team, boy." as he kisses him to get the officer's attention. The cop reveals himself to be a Jerkop by shouting, "There will be no love in the world of Graduon, kid!" turning to fight to attack the bully.

Enraged, Cera defeats the Jerkop with a series of thunder punches, paralyzing him. The bully runs away while Robbie and Cera celebrate. Cera evolves into Cera Rosechu, destroying her clothing. Robbie asks Cera how she feels, and she replies with, "I feel more knowledged. I feel stronger. my perception of things have changed a bit. I feel like I could take on the whole world! And then,... I feel a chill! Darn! I'm naked!" Robbie goes off to call Sonichu to bring Cera some clothes.

Cut back to the present with Sonichu and Sonic still talking on a bench. Sonichu explains how when Robbie evolved, he realized he was transexual, and after coming out to his sisters, doctors and Magi-Chan helped Robbie transition to Roberta. Sonichu claims that although he was "bothered some with that boy body dressing up girly," he eventually got used to it, and Roberta's transition was so effective that every day her breasts grew bigger, her face got smoother, and her belly got slimmer. Sonic is flabbergasted by all of this. Chris then shows up out of nowhere, and Sonic says she looks familiar. Sonichu explains she is Chris. Sonic is surprised and accuses Chris’s medallion of being fake. Chris then uses her medallion to transform into a feminine form of Chris Chan Sonichu, and Sonic is so astonished that his jaw drops. Sonichu grabs a microphone out of nowhere and introduces “Miss Chris Chan Sonichu” Chris then asks for his flashback to be played.

In this flashback, he explains that his transition to becoming a woman happened after his trip in 2015. He explains that in addition to finding a cure for homosexuality that would have only raised a "Zombie-Like army", he would have learned of the "epithany" that he was a woman all this time. After defeating [[Slaweel]] in battle, his TRUE womanhood came closer to him. The scene jumps to a flashback from ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', in which Slaweel was arrested. Chris, in his [[Colossal Chan]] form, is seen thinking to himself first about Slaweel's arrest and Count Graduon's destruction, and then about his feminine habits and nature back in High School. Comparing it to his experiences with the masculine, he finds it that he "actually don't like such brutish things". Looking deeper into himself, he felt more woman than his birth-gender male. He then felt that the more he opened himself towards that plausibility, he truly felt more at peace within himself. Suddenly, he yells out:

{{quote|[[The Incredible Lioness|'''''I am woman! Roar!''''']]}}

He then kneels down, feeling some sort of pain. Suddenly, his transformation changes! He changes from some hobo looking dude in a blue Sonichu costume to a beautiful woman that, like his previous incarnation and original form, obviously doesn't match his IRL physical appearance. His beard is removed, he is given breasts and his butt is tightened. After the transformation sequence, Chris is shocked by his new look. He looks into the mirror and sees that his new epiphany works well with him now. He also says that although he would switch to wearing skirts, his jeans still work well on him.

Then, the energies of the [[Sonichu Balls|Crystals]] departed from him and synced in with the energies that departed from Sonichu earlier, merging under the moonlight. From the ground, many people, including [[Magi-chan]], witnessed the crystals merging in front of the moon in the midnight skies. Suddenly, the Sonichu Crystal's shattered into a million fragments. These fragments took the form of Megastones from ''Pokémon X & Y''. One of these Mega Stones landed near Chris. He then claims to have seen these in the future (This could be explained by the fact that the events in this flashback took place on August 9, 2008, predating the release of ''Pokémon X & Y'' in 2013) and recognized it as a [[Sonichite]], or in this case a "Chrischansonichite".

The narration is then switched to Sonichu's POV. He was chilling with his wife, [[Rosechu]], and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] when he witnessed the shattering of the Sonichu Crystals. They enjoyed the view, saying that it was like a "multi-exploding, very expensive Firework". Two of these Sonichu Crystal fragments landed near Rosechu and Sonichu. Upon picking them up, they both transformed. Rosechu transformed into [[The Incredible Lioness]] and Sonichu transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]]. They both pointed at each other in shock. [[Cera Rosechu|Cera]] congratulated them on evolving. Rosechu and Sonichu were confused about how they evolved. Rosechu claimed that she wasn't feeling angry, which is required for her to transform into the Incredible Lioness, and Sonichu claimed that he gave up on his Ultra form a few hours ago. Then suddenly, the couple transformed back into their original form. Cera wasn't quite happy to see them deform while [[Robee Sonichu|Robee]] and [[Christine Rosechu|Christine]] were shocked to see what briefly happened to their parents.

The narration is switched back to Chris's POV. As said before, Magi-Chan saw the shattering of the Crystals. High above the CWCville Police Station, he foresaw his own unique Sonichite in the distance and, with his psychic powers, stopped it in its tracks and brought the Mega Stone to him. The other unique Mega Stones landed in various random places around [[CWCville]] and beyond, nowhere near [[Wild Sonichu|the]] [[Bubbles Rosechu|other]] [[Angelica Rosechu|members]] [[Punchy Sonichu|of]] the [[Chaotic Combo]].

The flashback ends when Chris said that he thought of putting his Sonichite on his medallion, but it was already within it upon contact, right in the center. He recognized this magic to be something else other than [[Cherokee]] magic. Sonichu then says that his species have pockets sewed inside their socks to store their Sonichites. Chris then says that he would've used a Barrette, but her hair isn't long enough yet and wasn't thinking of making his hair long before. He also felt disappointed that he was still a male human body throughout that night. It made him think, though, as Magi-chan would've confirmed the new functions inside his new female Sonichu form. He would "mix me-a and mix me-b, yada, yada, yada" and would give birth to [[Russel and Cynthia|Russel Sonee and Cynthia Rosey]]. As he was not ready for his parenthood, he had Senorita [[Heather Iglesias]] to take care of them instead. Chris would often visit them, to make sure they know that he is their mother.

Sonichu then tells Chris that he has digressed enough. He also says that Magi-Chan informed him and the rest of the other Sonichus that these Megastones cannot be used frequently and thus require recharging in between uses. He also says that they would allow them to use the Mega Stones as a last resort. Suddenly, Chris's receives a call from [[Bob Chandler]], who tells Chris to go to [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] to buy him some TV dinners and Soup. After the call ended, Chris then tells Sonichu and Sonic that he was heading to Wal-Mart to buy what his dad needs. He then heads off to Wal-Mart.

Sonichu and Sonic say goodbye to Chris. Sonic then says that he's hungry and tells Sonichu what time it is. Sonichu responds with 5:30 and realizes that they're were talking for three hours. Sonic then says that when he's not running, time does fly by for him. He then suggests moving this conversation to the food court. Sonichu asks if he would want to carry the food to the cart. Sonic then says that he's got a better idea and "would be right back". Sometime later, Sonichu is seen carrying the grocery bags and Sonic is seen with a shopping cart. Sonic proceeds to tell Sonichu that he hasn't stopped by Sears yet. Sonichu tells Sonic to be "enough with the gabbin'" and that he was loading the cart. Sonichu then tells Sonic that he would discuss the wedding after they ate.

==Comic pages==
<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 22: A Sonichu Christmas
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Issue 11 Cover.jpg|Cover
</gallery>
<gallery caption="12 pages from 2009" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:SchuComic11P1.jpg|Page 1
File:SchuComic11P2.jpg|Page 2
File:SchuComic11P3.jpg|Page 3 (Despite Rosechu apparently loving to shop, this is one of the only times we see her in a different dress.)
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</gallery>
<gallery caption="11 pages from 4 September 2015 (pre-$1,000 donation)" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Son11p13.jpg|Page 13
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</gallery>
<gallery caption="16 pages from 25 October 2015 (post-$1,000 donation)" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
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File:Son11p39.jpg||Page 39 (Hey, Cerah and Robbie have evolved to- Oh wait, it's just Sonichu and Rosechu.)
</gallery>
<gallery caption="12 pages from 23 May 2017" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:S11-40.jpg|Page 40
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</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|48 pages, June 2017, Patreon-exclusive
|<gallery caption="Episode 23: Simonchu and Bananafunkle" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:S11-52.jpeg|Page 52
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File:SchuComic1180.jpg|Page 80 (Ad)
</gallery>
<gallery caption="Episode 24, Part 1: The Clip Show: Catching Up" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:SchuComic1181.jpg|Page 81
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</gallery>}}</center>

The last three pages contain a list of donors, as a sign of gratitude from Chris, which are only in the print version of the comic.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20170723172149/https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://archive.vn/x4nAF 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11] archived link but it's not interractive
* [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/that-one-issue.197/#post-20215 Mirror of Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Barbara Chandler

2021-09-19T15:32:59Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Appearances */ small grammar fix

{{Honest}}

{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend [[Love Quest|finding yourself]] a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She [[Death threats|threatens to kill me]] in her episode of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Barbara was more of a “Guilty Pleasure” waifu|Chris [[Chris and escapism#Roleplaying|roleplaying]] as Magi-Chan, demonstrating his [[Incest|Oedipal complex]]}}

{{infobox
| title = Barbara Chandler
| image =[[File:July11BarbPhoto2.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Birth name
|data1 = Barbara Anne Weston
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Barb Blarb [[Borb]] [[Obesity|Snorlax]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Sugar Darling]] Barbie Chan<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Decent flashlight]]</ref>
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Spouse
|data7 = Ran Coleman Yeatts (1961–1963, divorce) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] (1980–2011, his death)
|label9 = Children
|data9 = [[Cole Smithey|Joseph Cole Smithey]] [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|label10 = Father
|data10 = Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955)
|label11 = Mother
|data11 = Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967)
|label12 = Occupation
|data12 = Office worker (retired)
}}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 {{w|1941#October|October 1941}}<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20170903151241/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and the mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

Though Bob has remained relatively popular with [[Trolls]] and Christorians alike, the same cannot be said for Barbara, who has been consistently disliked by nearly everyone but Chris and her late husband – with many members of her own family distancing themselves from her. Where Bob eventually recognized his shortcomings as a parent to Chris and attempted to correct them late into his life, Barbara has consistently been one of the biggest enablers of Chris's bad behavior since he was a child, on top of emotionally-manipulating, threatening, and on occasion physically abusing him. Barbara has been instrumental in turning Chris into the spoiled manchild that he is, and like Bob before her, has encouraged him not to seek a serious career path in favor of [[Monthly tugboat|getting welfare off of his condition]], in spite of the fact that he could get a minimum-wage job and still qualify for welfare.

It has long been suspected that she has some form of narcissistic personality disorder, which goes hand-in-hand with what we know about her neglectful to abusive relationship with Chris, along with his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]], who received a much worse treatment from her. Nonetheless, Chris remains unaware of just how bad a parent she's been to him, and he continues to cling to her in an Oedipal fashion as she approaches death's door, and he's no closer to becoming a self-sufficient adult two decades after graduating high school. Barb's unpopularity extends to her own family, who have not maintained a relationship with her since at least the funeral of one of [[Aunt Corrina|Chris's aunts]].

For much of the Classic Era of Christory, Barbara was extremely obese and napped a lot (earning her the nickname "{{w|Snorlax}}", after the sleepy, fat [[Pokémon]] of the same name), but she has since shed a ton of weight in her twilight years. This sharp loss of weight, loss of hair color, and knowledge of her son's status as a living internet meme all factored into her role in appearing in multiple [[Financhu Crisis|begging videos]], alongside playing up senility for the camera to [[Chris and manipulation|manipulate]] viewers into paying for donations. Unfortunately, [[Chris and money|much like her son]], she spends most of the donations that she receives on frivolous crap rather than working to resolve her mounting [[debt]] that will be placed upon Chris when she kicks the bucket.

Near the end of [[June 2021]], Chris told [[Isabella Loretta Janke]] that he began an [[incest|incestuous]] relationship with Barbara (long speculated to be on a mental decline and therefore [[Chris and sex#Rape|unable to consent]]), and audio of this revelation quickly leaked out to the internet at large. Chris previously told [[Null]] that he'd found a [[boyfriend-free girl]] over the age of 50 who was an accountant years ago – details which match up with a description of who Barb is – leading Null to believe that Chris actually found a girlfriend who he didn't want people to find out about. Null eventually realized that Chris molested his own mother, at which point he severed ties from Chris. Following this horrifying revelation, the damage done to Chris was swift and immeasurable as both Chris and Barb were vacated from [[14 Branchland Court]] and separated by authorities, as Barb was placed under medical care and Chris was sent to jail, awaiting trial. Barb returned to the hoard at some point in [[August 2021]], seemingly more cognizant than she appeared on Chris's videos.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210904171746/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387//</ref>

==Early life==
[[Image:Babs1960.PNG|thumb|left|Barbara's senior photo from high school. While she looks pretty here, she would not age well.]]

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|Barb, emboldened by her hoard, evolved into a Snorlax over time.]]

Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was 29 or 30]].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20170825073641/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html</ref> Otto died in 1955, after falling from a horse-drawn wagon.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20200603075643/http://genealogytrails.com/vir/charlotte/obits_w.html</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20180425032751/http://www.harveypowers.com:80/wynn/wynn/d118.html</ref> For whatever reason, Barb believes that she is descended from [[Anne Boleyn]], but this is impossible given that Elizabeth I, Boleyn's only daughter, died without an heir. She also thinks that a more recent ancestor named [[Daniel Weston]] boarded the ''Mayflower'', but no such person exists.

According to a [[January 2012 Facebook Posts#February is coming up|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 29 January 2012, Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years. Why Chris knows this is anyone's guess, although it's possible that he learned the basic principles of [[Honest Content]] from Mommy Dearest. According to Chris's leaked conversation with [[Isabella Loretta Janke]], Barbara has had sex with eight different men over the course of her life (including Bob but ''not'' [[incest|Chris himself]]). She has never [[mass debating|masturbated]].

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from {{w|Randolph-Henry High School}} in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the [[Women's rights|Future Homemakers of America]], a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook, ''The Log'', and a member of the [[Spanish]] Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to [[Obesity|her figure]].

Barb graduated college with a major in accounting.<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Chris begins larping as his youngerself]]</ref>

Sometime after her father died in 1955, according to Chris, she left Red Oak and "decided to set off on her own... in search for romance and her future". Either before or after she did this her mother disowned her. After she left home, "her siblings, cousins and others in Redoak" began to spread rumors about her and call her a whore in her absence.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> As it would turn out, her relationship with her family would never get any better.

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all of the Westons started hating him and his mother or, alternatively, that by the time of Corrina's death, no Weston other than she had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

==Cole and his various fathers==
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she is {{w|Maury Povich}} trash.

Based on his experiences with various stepfathers, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates".<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] tries to use [[Chris and English|big]] words to impress people – [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

===Jack Dale Smithey===
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records do not support this.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, Cole's friend syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}} made an Internet post questioning the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

===Ran Coleman Yeatts===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest College yearbook.]]

Records found by Cole in Richmond show that Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in June 1961. Yeatts was born in {{w|Pittsylvania County, Virginia}} but grew up in {{w|South Hill, Virginia|South Hill}}, a town about 35 miles east of Red Oak which also happens to be the hometown of Barb's mother Carrie and her moonshiner dad.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref> As late as 1960 he was enrolled at {{w|Wake Forest College}} in {{w|Winston-Salem, North Carolina}} (now Wake Forest University). He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref> Coincidentally, Bob Chandler was also living in Winston-Salem around the same time, where he was married to Patricia Faye Harley and working as an engineer.

According to their marriage certificate, Ran was living in Richmond at the time of the marriage, while Barb was still living in Red Oak. They were married at a Baptist church in {{w|Wylliesburg, Virginia}} near Red Oak (which the divorce documents misspell as "Sylliesburg").

A divorce was granted to Barb on 15 May 1963, at which point she was pregnant with Cole and living in Richmond. The decree states that Ran deserted her on 28 April 1962, although the final digit in "1962" appears to have been altered from a "3". Cole was born on 24 July 1963.

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him during his childhood and was introduced as a "friend of the family".<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts later remarried and died aged 67 on 6 June 2007. His obituary in the ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' makes no mention of Cole or Barb, although Ran did have a grandson also named Cole.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce
</gallery></center>

===Jerry Harmon===
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond during the early 1970s. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

==Marriage with Bob==
[[File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|thumb|1980 6 7 - Borb's marriage license]]
[[File:Barab?.JPG|thumb|left|Seen in the background of a 2020 photograph; this is probably Barb's wedding portrait]]
Bob and Barbara met at "Maddy's Pub" in Richmond<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Fear of the future]]</ref> (probably Matt's British Pub in Shockoe Slip, where Bob was a sing-along leader in the late 1970s)<ref>[[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES]]</ref> on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and [[Bob]] was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, vividly recalled them being a pair of drunken dumbasses.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> Later that year Bob was transferred from Richmond to [[Charlottesville]]. They settled in the outlying suburb of [[Ruckersville]].

Barbara worked for several years for Virginia Power (VEPCO, today called [[Wikipedia:Dominion Energy|Dominion Energy]]) in the finance department.<ref>[[June_2021_social_media_posts]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather remained in Ruckersville. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they spent their twilight years from 2000 onward living in their Ruckersville home with Chris. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the [[14_Branchland_Court|family home]] and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house. According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They began sleeping in different rooms sometime around the mid-2000s "because they're not as close as they should, used to or can be".<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> It can be presumed that as they got older, they grew more distant, but never to the point of wanting a divorce.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>

==Treatment of Chris==

[[File:Barbara1993cropped.png|thumb|Barb c. 1993]]
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|left|Age was not kind to Barb.]]

===Abuse and manipulation===
{{quote|And he told me of mom saying she was going to pack up and leave the house, then I ran downstairs, finding her on the couch; she was soo miserable and sad; she talked of Wanting to Die, "you don't even have to change my clothes, you can just bury me in what I have on." I was soo sad and crying and soo sorry for the way I misbehaved; we hugged and made up a bit.|An example of Barb's manipulation.<ref name=magfest>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#Borb vs MAGfest]]</ref>}}

Barb has had a long history of abusing and/or [[Chris and manipulation|manipulating]] her children. For example, she has often used threats of suicide to guilt Chris into obeying her whims. When Bob and Chris once tried to discuss cleaning the hoard to Barb, she responded by threatening suicide.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20200810205450/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-1-12-skylanders-imaginators-leader-christine-w-chandler-random-review-n-stuff.27570/page-9 </ref>
She also threatened suicide to her family during the [[Ivy]] Saga, supposedly as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/>

In an episode from 2011, when Chris failed to book himself a hotel room for [[MAGfest]], due to being broke, and planned to sleep in his car,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 29]]</ref> Barb prevented him from going by pointing out the "crime risk and chilly temperatures", threatening to lock him out of their house, claiming that she would pack up and leave, and later told him she wanted to die. After Chris folded and went to his room to cry about it, she gave him a "half-payment of a copy of DC Universe Online to make up for not allowing [him] to go".<ref name=magfest></ref> Later that year, after Chris became a [[tomgirl]], Barb tried to stop him from wearing dresses and make-up by telling him she feared he would kill her. She then ordered him to sit down, and she cut his hair.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>

It also appears that Chris's diet is not a concern for Barb.The night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and has not made a meal for Chris since then.<ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

In addition, Barb has used the specter of old age for her own gain, by manipulating Chris into thinking she will have a heart attack. This tactic has been used so often that Chris will panic and call 911 if Barb does not answer the phone when he calls her to check up on her when he is out of the house.<ref>Comments from Marvin on Kiwi Farms, gone when the site was taken down.</ref> When Barb and Chris were both arrested for [[assault and battery]], Chris was extremely worried about her health, saying in an e-mail:

{{quotebox|My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high.

I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother

Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her.}}

The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] summed up Chris's relationship with Barb:

{{quoteboxgreen|Well, I don't think they talk very much. However, no, Chris is Barb's hand servant. She screams for him and he comes running. She has him change the newspaper the dogs shit on, she has him run errands to bring her stuff, and she used to have him haul her goodwill crap to the car, and then from the car into the house.

''...''

I think Barb's yelling has gotten much less frequent nowadays. It seems like she's pretty feeble nowadays. Chris is just as scared of Barb as he used to be though. I don't think he realizes how much power he has over Barb nowadays.

They're really physically affectionate in a strange way. Chris is pretty touchy feely with women because of habits he learned by spending time with Barb.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210906155444/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4</ref>}}

After Bob died, Barb's abuse of Chris escalated. She treated him as a slave and forced him to be on-call at all times. Around [[2013]], she forced Chris to move out of his bedroom, specifically so she could bark orders at him more efficiently, by throwing a tantrum and wrecking his possessions.

{{quoteboxgreen|a few months to a year before the fire, Chris stopped being permitted to sleep separately from Barb, in his bedroom. He had to sleep closer to Barb, because she needed to be able to yell for him to go to [[sheetz]] and buy her crap, and he wasn't able to hear her up in his bedroom. He kind of tried to resist at first, but then she got super pissed and threw a tantrum. She wrecked his room and like flipped everything over because he was trying to sleep on his own.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210906155444/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4</ref>}}

===Financial exploitation===
{{quote|she is also being Very Annoying. “Christine, Let’s put this random good item on eBay. I REALLY Need the Money for not only my bill payments, but also, we need more food here. I am greedy too.”

“OH! You sold something of Yours? I Want $50 From That”, she is constantly pestering and bugging me. Nowadays, Nearly every time she comes downstairs to talk or chill, my Impulsive, Subconscious feeling of her presence is Cringe and “Oh, No! She’s gonna Bug Me Again of the Da** Finances Again!”|Chris<ref>[[September 2018 social media posts]]</ref>}}

===Pampering===
{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his {{w|Oedipus complex}}.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yes, dear.|Chris, addressing Barb<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>}}

<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz.
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|The second page.
</gallery>
</center>

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the manifestation of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

While both of Chris's parents are largely responsible for his current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]].

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned permanently, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she is probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch a Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''was not'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused is not that he is an absent-minded, slothful buffoon, but that he is a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she did not raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

===Spooning===
{{quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.|[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|One result of Barb's parenting choices, as explained by Chris in August 2016.]]
}}

To cap off their relationship, Chris revealed in private conversations with multiple people that Barb has spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

From [[Arthur Spatchcock]], on Chris sleeping with his mother:

{{quoteboxred|Story time, kids. Now most of us are aware of the fire; how Barb and Chris were displaced for some time while the house was getting renovated. You know how Chris was all whiny about his legos, right? Some getting melted, shit like that...well he kind of left out that his own bed was ruined as well given it had years of grease soaked into it because not bathing is so chic in his eyes. So when they got back home Chris didn't have his own bed anymore so he was sharing one with Barb instead. This came with the horrifying addendum that Barb wanted to spoon with him; I don't know if he was little spoon or big spoon but I know she was unimpressed and one night just unloaded on him angrily enough that Chris decided to get his own bed with his own money. So it goes without saying that from the time Chris and Barb got back home [[DStecks|until he got that grand]] he was sleeping in the same bed as his mother.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20190423212237/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-4-11-e-begging-intensifies.19356/page-5</ref>}}

In August 2016, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] observed Chris and Barb in public during a court hearing:<ref>[[26 December 2014]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.}}

{{quote|I am not a "Bates". OMG. |Chris, in denial<ref>[[Misc texts]]</ref>}}

Barb's habit of cuddling with Chris had been going on since Bob was alive, and he knew of it, but, due to Barb's manipulation, he was not able to stop her.<ref>http://archive.is/zwWV9</ref> In [[August 2016]], Chris [[Honest content|admitted]] to having [[Chris and sex#Dreams of sex with Barb|incestuous fantasies about Barb]], prompting further analysis of their uncomfortably intimate relationship. Chris sometimes refers to her as [[Darling|"dear" or "darling"]], as he usually does for [[DoopieDoOver|would-be sweethearts]]. In his [[Twitch#CLog 04172018 - Buy My Toys|April 2018 Twitch stream]], when Chris got his mother to reluctantly say "[[Random-access humor|turn me loose, you silly goose]]" after hugging him, he commented that she "used to do that more [[Chris and English|flirtingly]]".

[[incest|If only we knew.]]

==Health problems==
===Mental===
Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be selfish and extremely narcissistic, on account of her baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances where the fault clearly lies with her. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [https://web.archive.org/web/20201112020245/https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating, but complex, topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [https://web.archive.org/web/20201112024302/https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also infamous to Christorians for her hoarding. During Chris's youth, she would create piles of clothes as tall as her son.<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Chris begins larping as his youngerself]]</ref> Chris has labelled her a "pack rat",<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the consequent state of [[14 Branchland Court|their house]], although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household.<ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms completely inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[10 January 2014]], when Chris started a house fire in the morning while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the firefighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless. This was confirmed in April 2017, when Chris mentioned the laundry room contained a "mountain pile" of 20-40 bags of dirty, damaged clothing which had not been washed since the fire occurred.<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Offering The Classic shirt for $12,000 minimum]]</ref>

===Weight===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

Like Chris, Barbara was [[obesity|obese]] at the time of his discovery by the internet. As late as the 1990s, Barbara was reasonably slim, but she, along with Chris, ballooned out as the 2000s rolled along, to the point of resembling an American {{w|Rose West}}. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[Chris and stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

However, according to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

This has continued into her old age. When she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass; probably due to her sedentary lifestyle. In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not present as very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In 2018, Chris decided to cash in on the Snorlax joke, claiming that his mother found it funny. He listed a plush Snorlax for sale on [[eBay]], at $200.

{{quote|Hey, Everyone! Those in the meme-know: the times when my mother used to be large and lazy, everyone called her a Snorlax. Well, Barbara likes the joke too, and can laugh it off as she is doing a lot better these days. So, one time only, she signed a Snorlax Plush, and YOU can own it; a 20% More Awesome Collectible. A personal Certificate or Letter of Authenticity will be included. Thank you.}}

<center>
<gallery>
Cashinginsnorlax.png
Snorlax1.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==="Holey buttocks"===
In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks". It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it hardly sounds pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the [[Financhu_Crisis|low finances]] and shit!!!". Consensus was that the so-called "holey buttocks" were, in fact, lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites, rather than flies, that have burrowed into her prodigious posterior. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive by parasites other than Chris, her child whines about having to take care of her.

===Dental===
In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. In July 2016, Barb herself begged for money.<ref>[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]</ref> Chris and Barb restarted this begging for dental fees for Barb in early 2018.

===Other===
In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with {{w|colitis}}, a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201009073942/https://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied the rumor.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

On 23 August 2013, Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was or what kind of treatment Barb received.

==Aging==
{{quote|They treat, they treat you very badly in there. She, she would, she, she, she would never want me to put her into a home, and I would not do that.|Chris, August 2014<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

[[File:Barb reacts to Quinn.jpg|thumb|200px|Barb, aged 76, tissue in hand, comforting Chris after [[Jessica Quinn]] broke up with him.]]

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "her time runs out", even though the latter two are not Barb's progeny.

On 13 July 2016, Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being a manipulative narcissist, was putting on an act for money. She has since re-appeared in numerous other e-begging videos from Chris, including multiple in [[August 2018]]; her appearance is frail and quite frazzled, and her sentences are often punctuated with tons of "ums" and "uhs", along with extended pauses.

[[File:Barbovertime.gif|left]]
[[File:Our signatures00001.png |thumb|right|Barb and Chris in March 2018, the former wearing the [[$400 gold necklace]].]]
In August 2016, [[Anna McLerran]] posted a photo on Facebook of herself and Barb together.<ref>[[:File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.]]</ref> In it, Barb appears to have aged significantly since her last appearance in the "Donations Further Requested, Please" video.

In November 2016, Barb escaped injury when she slipped and fell.<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Barb slips and falls]]</ref>

Chris has been increasingly tasked with helping Barb around the house in her elderly age. He stated in April 2017 that he was taking care-giving classes.<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]</ref> Barb is seen in [[Minor Update, Handouts!]], a begging video, in which Chris demands money because Barb drinks costly "meal replacement shakes", possibly referring to a drink such as Ensure.
{{clear}}

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Financial problems==
[[File:Barb's blankets ebay listings photos 01.jpg |Barb advertising blankets for sale in summer 2018.|thumb|250px]]

Barb lives off social security ({{w|Retirement Insurance Benefits}}) and a small pension from her old job; about $14,000 a year.<ref>https://archive.md/DLyOa</ref>

In 2016, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying [[debt]]s. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]], [[2016]], when sharp-eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. Since grave neglect of her debt was likely the cause of her being taken to court, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay $4,706.93.<ref>[[:File:Barb discover bank result.png]]</ref>

Five months later, Barb was sued again, this time by Capital One, for the same reason. The hearing in September resulted in a Default Judgement against Barb, meaning that she did not bother attending. She owes Capital One $15,906.99.<ref>[[:File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png]]</ref>

Her out-of-control debt was the catalyst for the [[Financhu Crisis]] of 2016.

In June through July of that year, Barb appeared in three videos:

*[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]]
*[[Donations Requested, Please]]
*[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]

In the videos, she and Chris beg for donations, claiming to need money for her asthma medication and dental work (although they receive a combined amount of $2,500 per month from the government<ref>[[Chris and money#But wait, Chris isn't employed!]]</ref> and their costly hoards are clearly visible behind them). See the Appearances section for more appearances by Barb.

She has failed to take accountability for ruining the family's finances, trying to pin the blame on Chris,<ref>[[Patreon announcement]]</ref> even though her known debt of over $20,000 is much larger than Chris's.

She and Chris had an inheritance from Bob worth "tens of thousands of dollars" when he passed away, but Barb decided to frivolously spend it on [[Rob Bell]] in an attempt to gain exoneration for her [[assault and battery]] charge.

In summer 2018, she joined forces with Chris in selling stuff on [[eBay]], including items from her hoard and her autographs, which some fans bought.

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|200px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

In the 2015 revisions to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris wrote out Bianca's character and replaced her with his mother.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [https://web.archive.org/web/20130831123750/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go to that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Barb is photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Bob and the various Chus.

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|In ''Sonichu'' #12.]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Barb is in a set of pages that is a cross between Chris writing an autobiographical account of himself coming out as a tomgirl to his parents and a tribute to his late father.

Due to Chris's Oedipal complex, Barb is depicted as much more youthful than Bob, even though she was nearly 70 at the time. She is also drawn as being freakishly tall compared to Chris and Bob, despite being shorter than both in real-life, though this may just be Chris's inability to keep his characters properly-proportioned at work. Barb expresses surprise at her son's announcement on being trans. Chris states that she was "hesitant for a long while", but "got used to my subtle and more changes".

This is a drastic understatement, as the real-life Barb tried to stop his [[tomgirl]] lifestyle in ways including suicide threats, guilt trips (by claiming that she was worried Chris would kill her), paying him to stop cross-dressing, and even ordering him to submit to a haircut. If her attitude towards him cooled, it was only out of resignation rather than acceptance. Evidence of this is when she became angry with him again after finding out that he had successfully changed his name in 2016.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210802010714/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-6-11-cwcville-shopping-is-on-vacation.21491/page-5</ref>

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Barb, pictured at left, as ''Sugar Darling'', in a [[My Little Pony|MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]].

{{clear}}

===As toys===
<center><gallery>
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form.
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]].
File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|Promo drawing for the Amiibo.
File:Barbara Anne Rosechu TSSSF card.png|As a [[TSSSF]] card. Note that Chris calls her a "redneck tomboy" and her power is to steal a shipping partner.
</gallery></center>

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming [[Chris's room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now".
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in several videos: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015.

She has most frequently appeared during the [[Financhu Crisis]].

[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|Two more]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]

In a [[Donations Further Requested, Please|video]] released on 13 July 2016, Barbara joins her son in shamelessly e-begging. Her voice tired and hoarse, mouth agape, she stares directly into the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

She resumed begging in a [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE|video]] from April 2017, in which she wears a [[$400 gold necklace]] while asking Chris's audience to give him $1,000 in exchange for his old [[Stamps|stamp album]].

She next appeared in [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]], when she walked in while Chris was recording.

After a more uploads from Chris, Barb starred another begging video uploaded on 24 May 2017, titled [[We Said Donations No Less than $1 00, US, Please]]. Chris removed the video the next day, after people threatened to report him for elder abuse.

After the last failed attempt of getting donations, Barb and Chris engaged in yet another begging video on 16 June 2017, titled [[We need immediate funds, please]]. Ironically, she wore both the [[$400 gold necklace]] and a pearl necklace.

Almost a month had passed, without any appearances from Barb. With Chris getting decent amounts of funds from his [[Patreon]] account, there no longer seemed to be a desire to beg. On 14 July 2017, she makes a small voice-only cameo in a [[Soda Awawawawa Puccho Candy Response]], screaming at him for not closing the front door. She also comments in [[Solar Eclipse Vlogs]], asking Chris if he's ready to go back inside after the eclipse ends.

Barb's first appearance on-video in 2018 was in [[Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)]]. She appeared a couple of weeks later in [[Our signatures]] to demonstrate that her signature, a key selling point in the comic sales, was real. On 9 April, Barb appeared for the seventh time during the Financhu Crisis to beg in [[Buy Our Things off of my eBay to help us, Please.]]

On 16 April, a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests|bizarre video of a few seconds of Barb standing in a doorway]] was posted to the [[CWCki Club]]. On the 17th, she appeared as a guest on Chris's [[Twitch]] stream.

On 8 May, Barb appeared in [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!]]. Two days later, Barb appeared in [[May 2018 Paid Video Requests|paid videos giving shout-outs to school shooters Nicholas Cruz and Adam Lanza]].

She watched Chris spray-paint his shoes (and his bedroom carpet) in [[Shoe Colouring]], sitting in the same room with poor ventilation.

In summer 2018, she appears in multiple videos to promote her partnership with Chris's eBay business: [[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW.]], [[Barbara Chandler will be making out autographed photos and posters.]] and [[Barbara’s Blankets]]. She then begged for her car payment money in [[Mother needs a car payment]].

[[Barb confirms she isn't dead]] was her next appearance, a rare non-begging video.

Chris (possessed by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]) got Barb to appear on camera in [[Watching TF2 Analysis Anarchy Red Vs Blue Part 3]] (12 June 2020).

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when ''[[The Simpsons]]'' went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pal]]s, at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
Image:Barb 2016.JPG|During 2016.
File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.
File:Chandlers.Png|Barb and Chris. Barb is interrupting Chris during a live [[YouTube]] stream.
File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|Barb's signature on a Certificate of Authenticity, included with [[2018 Sales Listings|the purchase of one of Cole's comics]].
Barb autograph photo listing.jpg|Barb with autographed photo of herself
File:Chris's 37th birthday 2.jpg|Barb during Chris's 37th birthday.
File:BarbPhoto20Aug.jpg|[[August 2019]].
File:Barb 11-19-2019.jpg|Barb in [[November 2019]].
File:Barbjune2020.jpg|Barb during [[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#Watching_TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_3|a livestream]] in [[June 2020]]
File:Barb-Instagram-4.jpg|"And Barbara Anne Weston Chandler [[Chris and reality|still looks good for her wise age]]. [[May 2021|#happymothersday2021]]"
File:July11BarbPhoto2.jpg|Barb in [[July 2021]], showing off her new haircut [[July_2021_social_media_posts#Barbie_Chan|done by none other than Chris]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> (dead link)

{{People}}
{{articleofthenow}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People Chris has had Sex with]]

15 October 2009

2021-09-18T15:54:04Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Transcript */ added another stupid stutter

[[File:LiquidJustAsPlanned.jpg|thumb|HE'S BAAAACK.]]
"'''15 October 2009'''" (officially "'''10152009'''") is a video where [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] acknowledges the [[CChanSonichuCWC#The_Return_of_the_King|return of the TRUE and HONEST Chris]]. He also continues to "call out" [[Clyde Cash]]/[[Gregg Mays]].

The introduction "[[Captain's Log]]" is absent in this video, as with some recent videos, to the relief of ''Star Trek'' fans everywhere.

'''Official description:''' [none]

==Background==
Earlier that evening, Liquid posted his first video in months describing the trials and tribulations of the past few months:

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = 10152009
| ytid = Ni8d6CRSD1o
| stardate = 15 [[October 2009]]
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| subject = {{Rumors|text}} {{Homos|text}}
| previous = [[Liquid_Chris#The End|GONE]]
| next = [[For Chris|THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK.]]
}}

Liquid describes his heroic survival as he was kidnapped, force fed [[tobacky]], then brutally assaulted and [[rape]]d in the [[homo|ass]]. Liquid found himself in the middle of the [[Wikipedia:Sahara Desert|Sahara]] where he journeyed for miles, seeking water, and as he was about to die from thirst, some "friendly [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|Aladdin]] people" came to his rescue and helped him return to his home of [[Ruckersville]].

==Video==
Solid responded the same day with a rebuttal to Liquid's video, saying the events that he described were neither true or honest. Midway through, he suddenly launches into his own advertisement for ''The Cleveland Show''.

{{Infobox/video
| name = 15 October 2009
| ytid = w6iRjij8CPU
| stardate = 15 [[October 2009]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[War Paint Video]]
| next = [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud]]
}}

{{quote|I will only respond to him this one time because he is a lowly troll, and I just do not give a dang about him.}}

=== Transcript ===
October 15th, [[2009]].

Yes I have uh, reseen the, uh...return of the impostor in the blipe--in the brown stripes. [''[[stress sigh]]''] He dares call me by that stupid Ian name? [''grunts and shakes head''] Stupid. Everybody know that is fa--that that name is fake.

Anyway, the on--I will only respond to him this one time because he is a lowly [[troll]], and I just do not give a dang about him. I mean, come on, his story, I mean like, you know, being put in a meat factory, Sahara Desert, [[Greetings to Kacey's folks|''Aladdin people?!'']] Huh. And also, he coulda easily put, he could have easily taken the drugs himself, even to make his [[Chris and sex|''own'' ass bleed]]. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as (looks left of camera as if to read a script) Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Pedofork|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom, or Roberta when she fought off 6 Al-Qaedas, ''one by one''! ''[[Family Guy|The Cleveland Show]]'', new episodes Sun--every Sunday on F--on Fox, and episodes downloadable on [[PlayStation Network]], and iTunes. ''Cleveland Show''! [''laughs retardedly'']

Ah, anyway, the main concern here is that defintly--uh, definitely me drawing the comic pages which I am still doing...and, takin' down, the [[Billy Mays]]/Clyde Cash whoever the hell he is. Do not beli--and continue to ''not believe''...that...his name may be Christian Weston Chandler, but everybody knows that he is not the original guy, I am. The guy was born in [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], his birth name was Christopher.

So there.....and I'm still here. I'm still waitin' for ya, Gregg Mays. I know where you are. You are...within this state of [[Virginia]]. And I am still waiting for you...to accept my challenge.

Anyway, aside from that, expect a few more pages this weekend on the [[CWCipedia]]: the official [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] site. Thank you and have a good day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[War Paint Video]]|nextlink=[[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-15]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga videos| 2009-10-15]]

Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction

2021-09-14T16:10:47Z

Mrmariomaster: /* Transcript */ Corrected transcript

In this video (originally titled "Forgiveness/Blessings"), Chris retracts all his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]'s from the past, by conducting some anshuent magical rites not frequently practiced by mainstream [[Chris and religion|Christianity]] (or any other religion familiar to the rest of the humankind). Perhaps it's [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokian?]]

Of course, this retraction didn't stop him from spouting more curses at various people later on.

==Description==

{{quotebox|And there WELL OVER Fifty (50) Men, with Women at the time, who I have distributed Curse Shots to during nearly the First Half of my Sweetheart Search, up to today, the 15th

ONLY TWO got the Bigger Attacks In Real Life.}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction
| ytid = OY3SScSbkIQ
| stardate = 15 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]
| next = [[Guitar Rock Hero Band Revolution Notes]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Brief jumpcut'']

I take this moment, to most everyone I have put a curse upon, either from [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] or simple [''points finger like a gun and "fires"''] Curse Shot.

[''Chris closes his eyes and makes a face as if he was constipated as he holds his hands out'']

This is for... all you individuals... [''Stays in that pose for 10 seconds, then lifts his head up and sticks his hands out''] Forgiveness... BLESSINGS!

[''Raises his hands, open for five seconds. Then puts his hands down, stares at the camera and grabs his [[Gitar of Fail]]. Then he strikes a [[homos|gay]] pose and flashing both his high school ring and [[Transformers|Autobot]] insignia'']

Everybody, have a safe day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]|nextlink=[[Guitar Rock Hero Band Revolution Notes]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-15]]