CWCki - User contributions [en]

List of Flipnotes

2013-09-24T03:18:50Z

Mrpickles:

From 17 [[June 2010]] to 1 [[July 2010]], Chris discovered, abused and lost a way to put videos on the web without reliance on [[YouTube]]. For two frantic weeks, Chris churned out animation after animation until he was temporarily banned. But regardless of where Chris uploads his videos, the [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] will provide mirrors and our team of Christorians will provide transcripts and summaries.

A lot of his Flipnotes have been deleted from the [[Flipnote Hatena]] site, either due to [[An Ol' Classic Dream|pornographic content]] or, to Chris's chagrin, [[Chris and his Ego|including your real name]]. On May 31, 2013, with Hatena shut down, all of his flipnotes are now gone.

==Chris's Flipnotes==
[[File:FlipnoteSonichu.png|thumb|Chris's trembling first step into a bold new world of unwatchable garbage.]]
* '''Unnamed Sonichu Drawing''' ''17 [[June 2010]]'' An unmoving picture of [[Sonichu]], proving once again that Chris's "original" creation will infect every host it is presented with for the rest of Chris's life. It has been taken down. Re-uploaded upon his ban evasion on July 24 and deleted on July 26.

* '''[[UltimateNightmare]]''' ''21 June 2010'' A strange loop of a stick figure walking in place while a high-pitched tone plays in the background. According to Chris, the figure is walking at a rate of 1/8 of a millimeter per hour, when in reality it doesn't move anywhere.

* '''[[Don'tGetTrolled!]]''' ''22 June 2010'' A "[[parody]]" of another animation Chris commented on extensively. Chris adds very little to the original, scrawling in some laughable anti-troll messages, and, of course, inserting a picture of [[Sonichu]]. It was taken down, and uploaded again on July 24.

* '''[[HippoOnYourHead]]''' ''24 June 2010'' A bizarre short in which Chris makes a failed attempt at [[random-access humor]] by dropping a hippopotamus on a child's head, then defacing his shattered corpse.

* '''[[RandomHumor1]]''' ''25 June 2010'' A two-part animation, in which all the dialogue is stolen directly from ''[[Peanuts]]''. The second part has been taken down. Both parts re-uploaded on July 24, with the second part deleted on July 26.

* '''[[RandomSong1]]''' ''27 June 2010'' A short animation of a farmer not understanding a cow. Contains yet another example of random-access humor, and is therefore infuriatingly unfunny.

* '''[[Cheesy!]]''' ''27 June 2010'' A very short animation in which Chris rips off a bunch of lines from [[Wikipedia:Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends|''Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends'']].

* '''[[Tagged Flipnote]]''' ''27 June 2010'' Chris writes a load of nonsense about his one true love: himself. Taken down.

* '''[[Edit Me]]''' ''28 June 2010'' Chris demands a bunch of [[troll]]s prove their honesty by joining him in an edit meme. Tech-savvy as he is, he locked the file for editing. It was later taken down.

* '''[[RomanticLabyrinth|An Ol' Classic Dream]]''' ''29 June 2010'' Chris breaks every rule Flipnote Hatena has by animating one of his [[sex]] [[dreams]]. Unsurprisingly, it was promptly taken down, and Chris tried several times to reupload it, including after evading his ban on July 24. A later version included hastily-drawn clothes in order to fit the animation within the site's rules.

* '''[[For Women ONLY]]''' ''30 June 2010'' After failing to reupload "An Ol' Classic Dream", Chris attempts to bait every female user who has commented on his previous Flipnotes by tagging them all. But once again, this Flipnote is counter-productively locked from editing. Later taken down.

* '''[[CWC 3D Voice Check]]''' ''30 June 2010'' Chris tries his hand at 3D, as well as doing some terrible impersonations of cartoon characters he likes. It was quickly taken down. Put back up on July 24 and taken down on July 26.

* '''[[My apologies]]''' ''1 [[July 2010]]'' Chris's final animation before being banned. Chris [[Chris and remorse|begins to apologize]] for disabling and deleting comments, before derailing into a rant about how [[trolls]] are to blame for everything.

*'''[[3DS Flipnote]]''' ''12 [[June 2011]]'' Almost a year after his last Flipnote, Chris returns with a new one demanding that Flipnote Studio be ported to the [[Wikipedia:Nintendo 3DS|3DS.]] For some reason the audio is at double speed and high-pitched, making it near impossible to understand without slowing it down. As with "Don'tGetTrolled!", the Flipnote is just a slightly modified version of someone else's.

*'''[[Hippo Flipnote]]''' ''19 June 2011'' Evidently having returned to Flipnote Hatena, Chris uploads a 3-second animation of a hippo pacing back and forth.

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Flipnote Hatena| ]][[Category: Lists|Flipnotes]]

Moon-Pals

2013-09-23T17:30:25Z

Mrpickles: Fixed link to David the Dragonite

{{Quote|I have read Moon-Pals, and I feel that it is more like Moon-Dorks the way Sean draws and Portrays their Events so Grotesquely.|Chris<ref>[[Common_Questions#26_January_2010]]</ref>}}
[[File:Bill.png|right]]
'''''Moon-Pals''''' is a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[parody]] by [[Sean August Watley]] which provoked enormous amounts of [[Chris and anger|rage]] in Chris.

==Plot==

''Moon-Pals'' follows on from Chris's ambition of firing all [[tobacky]] to [[the Moon]], [[Metal Sonichu]]'s banishment to the Moon in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], and [[Silvana Rosechu]]'s being raised on the Moon by [[Count Graduon]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. From this, Sean envisaged the wild, drug-fuelled adventures of them and several other fan-favorite characters ([[Allison Amber]], [[Yawning Squirtle]], [[Pokémon#David_the_Dragonite.2FDaisy_the_Dragonite|David Dragonite]], [[Simonla Rosechu]], [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]], [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]], [[Kel]] and [[Bill the Scientist]]).

==Chris's reaction==
[[File:SAW.PNG|thumb|You sure do, Sean!]]
Even mentioning ''Moon-Pals'' in a [[Mailbag]] was enough to drive Chris crazy.
{{Quote|To [[Sean]]: Your comic strips are only an extension to WHAT YOU THINK are characters who are Underappreciated, when they are not, and I have plans for them in future tales. Firstly, [[Metal Sonichu|METAL SONICHU]] is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon.[[Bill the Scientist|Bill]] is [[Simonla#Death|still working within Giovanni's Laboratory]], I am working on a plan on including him in a future episode around Blake. The [[Boulder Dropping Whale|WAILORD]] who dropped the rock onto the mother Swampert and the [[Yawning Squirtle|Squirtle who Yawned]] are ONLY Individual characters who I originally had NO plans on putting into future stories, so ASSUME that the two were BOTH caught by Pok'emon Trainers in Pok'e Balls and now the two are fighting with their trainers in Pok'emon Battles.|Chris<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|you do not have MY POWER of being the Original Artist, Creator and Director, so ALL OF WHAT YOU DO IS PURE FICTION to MY FACT.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 44]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|Your "Strips" are Parodic and NOT cannon whatsoever to my, and The Original, Sonichu Pages. So you can go do your own drugs and burn your own strips to smoke with, you DOPE.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 54]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|Sonichu is original. Moon-Pals is a ripoff. It's incredibly obvious and you must be Slow-In-The-Mind for not seeing it.
|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 57]]</ref>}}
[[File:Moida.PNG|thumb|250px|Undeniable proof of Chris's derangement.]]
Chris's rage culminated in the trial of the Asperpedia Four in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which [[Mao]], Sean, [[Alec]] and [[Evan]] were sentenced to death. Sean was hung from the ceiling by his wrists and shot dead by three of the characters he had so slanderously parodied: [[Kel]], [[Bill the Scientist]] and [[Allison Amber]].

In [[Book10Replacement|the revised edition]], the Four are exiled to an Amish community, where Sean becomes "the village idiot."
{{-}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?2wnrs3oxcrwf1pt Download .rar of all ''Moon-Pals'' strips]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]
[[Category:Asperchu Saga]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2013-09-20T11:59:15Z

Mrpickles:

[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

On 19 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first (and only) [[dating|date]] ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

==Summary==
*The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], run a mic check.
*Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
*Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
*Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt several times, and fails several times.
*Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
*Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
*Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
*Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
*Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
*Bob goes back to his health problems.
*Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
*Chris flirts.
*Chris fails at flirting.
*Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
*Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
*Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
*Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
*Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
*Emily flees.
*The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle]] Man arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]."
*Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
*Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily''' - Queen of [[trolls]], she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man''' – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris''' – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob''' – [[Robert Chandler]], the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.
==Transcript==
=== Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13) ===
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a [[Butt garments|thong]]? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic [[China|vagina]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my [[Sex toys|vibrator]]."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are [[Obesity|Barb candidates]] ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no [[Barb]]; if there ''is'' Barb, I will [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit myself]].

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in [[Clyde]]'s playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']

'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [''inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response'']

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of [[Chick-fil-A]], so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a [[Pickle|penis]].

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like [[Wikipedia:Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|Hamster Girl]]… at [[Coffee Place|Starbucks]].

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' Shut up!

'''Emily:''' [''startled''] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [''inaudible''] jacket.

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [''jokingly''] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [''unintelligible''] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [''inaudibly interrupted''] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [''unintelligible''] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)===

[''Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.'']

===Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello. [pause] I've started [[Rosechu|shopping]] a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [''abruptly''] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' [[Autism|Cute hat!]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|University of West Virginia]]. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers [[Chris and English|never learn how to spell]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the [[Chris and camerawork|camera]].

'''Emily:''' [''disappointed''] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [''unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating''] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[''pause'']

===Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' [[Wikipedia:Transistor|transistors]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not [unintelligible] all the safe stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had [[Wikipedia:Vacuum tube|vacuum tubes]].

'''Bob:''' I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in [[Pre-1980#1947|1947]]– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then.

'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh-

'''Bob:''' I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved [[music]], and I was in [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|the band]] and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too.

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [''unintelligible''] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students.

'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and reality|Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.]]

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh... at that point in time…

'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, [[Wikipedia:General Electric|GE]] heard about it… and they came down to [''possibly town name''] in North Carolina.

'''Bob:''' And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [''unintelligible''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Intercontinental Ballistic Missile]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!"

'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [''unintelligible'']" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [''unintelligible''] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there.

'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''[[Autism|logically]]-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [''unintelligible''] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone line warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic.

'''Bob:''' Anyway, like [[Wikipedia:Logic gate|the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [''inaudible''] that stands [''unintelligible''], that's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented [[2000|Y2K]] pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and [[My Coke Rewards|cans]], and whatever.

'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [''unintelligible''] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and [[Kimmi|stuff like that made out of plastic]]. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, [[Sex toys|Tupperware]].

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [''unintelligible''] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [''unintelligible''] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [''unintelligible''] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "[[cat]]" without a 'K' in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his accompliment- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]] outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these [[Autism|math people]]… I dunno.

===Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing [[money]].

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to [[PandaHalo|Australia]], and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to [[Anne Boleyn|England]]. ''Most'' people [''unintelligible''] to see 'em, but [''unintelligible''] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in [[Art|drawing]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At six, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on his computer: his [[Wikipedia:Commodore International|Commodore]] computer…

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [''reluctantly''] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "[[Sonichu Girls]]"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [''responding belatedly to Emily''] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [''unintelligible''] home. And one that's [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the [[Burger King]]… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about twenty years and raised [[Cole Smithey|her first son]]. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in [[Richmond]], and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as [[Wikipedia:The Brady Bunch|The Brady Bunch]]!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [''unintelligible'']. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [''dreamily/creepily''] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''[[Niggos|Satchmo']]'.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Louis Armstrong|Louis Armstrong]].

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill and Salvation Army]]…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [''feigning enthusiastic agreement''] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the [[1970s]], at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did [[Barbara|all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple [[Heart level|heart attacks]], and...

'''Emily:''' [''responding to Chris''] Yeah– [[Chris|for]] [[Burger King|a]] [[Barbara|reason]]!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|pacemaker]] now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a [[Wikipedia:Triple bypass|triple-bypass]] in [[1980]] when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in [[1992|'92]]… And I died a couple times that [''unintelligible''] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High]].

'''Emily:''' [''uninterested''] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother [[Biological clock|stay up all night]]… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[IRC|Internet chat]]! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [''suddenly concerned''] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''[[Heterochromia|green-blue]]''.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] might be blue...

===Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [''truly flustered''] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at [[Golden Corral]]. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth [[Cherokee]]!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't [[September 2011|my time]] yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm [[Obesity|a little hungry myself]]… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying [[Donald Duck impression]]''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, [[The Creepy Stare|we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a [[ShowerRoutine|shower]] before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "[[Niggos|Dark Temptation]]"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was [[Third date|hookin' up]], I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon|PGSM]]''… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [''in a strange, baby-like voice''] You actually get to see ''[http://sailormoon.wikia.com/wiki/Usagi_Tsukino Usagi]''… [''back to his normal voice''] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of ''Sailor Moon''. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [''unintelligible''] entire [[anime]] series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:List of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars episodes|''Sailor Stars'']].

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the [[Silvana Rosechu|transsexuals]]?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the [[Tomgirl Ppictures|transsexuals]] and… the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Starlights|Sailor Starlights]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, [[Pedofork|little kids]]?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [''pitiful''] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [''in a British accent''] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''pause, laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[pause]

'''Emily:''' An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s [[Julie|Jul]][[Kacey|ia]].

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[pause]

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|too expensive]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly [[Speech impediment|esstinct]], uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and WesterN SizzliN.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the [[Lil'Chris|teddy bear]]: the "Shoney Bear".

[pause]

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|''slobber'' all over myself]]… Especially in front of my, uh, "[[Gal-pal|lady friend]]", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' [[Duck|Do ya need a little bit more?]] [long pause] You can deal ''without''…

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, [[Obesity|I take his breadsticks]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for, um,[[Wikipeida:Circuit City Stores|Circuit City]] for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [''unintelligible''] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [''Chris comes back''] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [''a Dave Matthews Band [[parody|tribute]]'']

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it'']

'''Bob:''' The [[Burger King]] is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [''unintelligible''] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokémon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokémon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [''unintelligible''] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Ching Chong|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh-uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chesterfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from [[Wikipedia:Seoul|Seoul]], Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [''delayed pause''] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|my Bible]] that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from [[High School]].

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a [[Honor roll|King England- It's a King England Bible]].

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [''still quiet, hard to hear''] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [''unintelligible''], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spicy food]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, [[Wikipedia:Kimchi|kimchi]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [''sounding it out''] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special [[pedofork|fork]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even [[Pedofork|handle the kid-the kid-]] the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''something more about jalapeños, followed by silence''] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs politely]

[silence]

===Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[''hard to hear''] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at [[McDonald's]]-

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''[[Wikipedia:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our [[:File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|school newspaper]] and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [''unintelligible''] and one of them's called World News. [''says call sign''], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how [[Molvania|the rest of the world]] looks at [[United States of America|the U.S.]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or [[Molvania|Russia]] or [[China]] or in [[Anime|Japan]]-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' W.V.

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [''unintelligible''] you got a kid that's [[Autism|all wired up]], [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:''' ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [''apparently they were talking about him'']

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [''chimes in to correct, [[Autism|sounds a bit upset]]''] He's talking about ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [''unintelligible stuttering''] killed [[Wikipedia:Bowser|King Koopa]]. I can't get off of ''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi's Island|Yoshi's Island]]''.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I'm not very good at those games either. [''more laughing'']

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [''not a mistake'']

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like [[Wikipedia:Marcie|Margie]], doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''[[Peanuts]]'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs again'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [''cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily''] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like [[Wikipedia:Sailor Mars|Sailor Mars]], [''lame voice''] Flame Sniper!

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Chibi-Usa]]. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''apparently doing a horrendous impression of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Jupiter|Sailor Jupiter]]''] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|I don't gobble my food]] [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs''] [''unintelligible''] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on [[Chris and fashion|my favorite]] shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female [[Sonichu]] fan...

'''Emily:''' [''interrupts with a laugh''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ... have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... [[Duck|it's not very big]]. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chest'field County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [''???'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs over Bob'']

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [''inaudible''] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at [[Christmas]] time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [''inaudible''] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many [[stress|problems]] here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our [[Ruckersville]] home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around... [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February [[1998|'98]] issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the [[Books-A-Million]] I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, [[Toys|Toys "R" Us]], then uh [''inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they [[Banned|kicked me out]], uh, last... June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|that one time]] you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- [[GameStop]] gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''[[RuleCWC|Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your [[Sonichu Girls]]?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -[[Tomgirl|gender]], wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [[JERKS|All the other guys]] are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]]?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but [[Pedofork|you do like Shirley Temple a lot]].

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[Wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [''inaudible'']. [[Kacey|Flakey blondes]].

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... [[Women's rights|that's so stereotypical]]...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know [[Pamela Anderson]] is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Wikipedia:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton]] also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [''pause''] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Britney Spears]] is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth Taylor|Liz Taylor]] then.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm nineteen.

'''Chris:''' Nineteen.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some crazy bear might come along and call you "Christian."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs''] What?

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named [[Wikipedia:Emily Dickinson|Emily]].

'''Chris:''' [[Virgin with rage|Emily Dickinson]]?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|I just slipped]]- [[Semen|it just came up]]. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [''pause''] [''Chris talks over her'']

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to [[McIntire Park|the park]]?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [''clears throat'']

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be ['inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [''inaudible''] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] go home and watch some [[Bionic|basketball]].

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[''inaudible''] the [[Wikipedia:National Collegiate Athletic Association|NCAA]].

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at [[Manchester High School]]'s varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[''P.A. system faintly in background'']

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About five-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young [''unintelligible''] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet [[Julie|somebody]] and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [''inaudible''] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had [[Wikipedia:American Automobile Association|AAA]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mother [''inaudible''] cross the street [''inaudible''] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [''unintelligible''] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [''inaudible''] [[money]]...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] he left-you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had forty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [''inaudible''] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible''] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called [[Wikipedia:Breezewood, Pennsylvania|Breezewood]].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''inaudible''] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got [[Pedo-Glasses|better eyesight]] than he does.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and [[David Alan Chandler|glaucoma]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing [[ModNation Racers|racing]], and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the [[Sonichu Adventure|adventures]] and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, [[Christmas]] break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Fort [''???''] [''inaudible''] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to [[Clyde Cash|New Jersey]]...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done [[Barbara|dumb things]] too.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy town called Jersey, I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [''unintelligible''] [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

Bob babbles on about sending something.

'''Emily:''' Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [''impatiently''] [[Rosechu|Clothes stores]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB [[Toys]] here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes |my thousand dollar shopping spree]] I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [[DVD|I've seen-I've seen it.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

''Chris nervously takes a few steps.''

'''Chris:''' Wow... you're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just like…just like a character from ''PGSM'' or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' I'm all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' [shameless subject change] Yeah... so what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [''bravely''] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] [[Megan|I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' [[Megan|But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-]]

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from ''[[Anime|InuYasha]]'' that… [''chucklingly''] always tries to [[Homos|go for the bum]].

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Miroku|Miroku]].

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch ''InuYasha''? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''Emily awkwardly walks several steps.'']

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' For her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [''emphatically''] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I [[dream]] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see [[Megan]] and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh ok...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [''slightly sarcastically''] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… [[Women's rights|it's that time of the month]]…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [''steering the beast''] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] pick you up right here? Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [''shocked''] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' You think…

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [''turning to Emily''] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [''to Emily as they turn to leave together''] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [''he refers to the novel''], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [''answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind''] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs at Chris'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man'']

'''Emily:''' [''gloating''] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [''[[stress sigh]]s/grunts'']

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [''small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible''] …but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [''attempting to brush him off''] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''as they continue trying to walk away''] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [''to Pickle Man''] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [''suddenly concerned for Emily''] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [''dismissively''] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[''The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends...

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)===

[''There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.'']

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...[[Chris and fashion|very fashionable looking]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.'']

===A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [''inaudible''] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [''continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily'']

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''feigning cheerfulness''] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [''attempts to hug and kiss Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''tries to avoid Chris''] No…N-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Emily''] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

'''Emily:''' [''Overlaps with Chris''] N-no... no thank you! [''nervous laughter''] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [''gives up''] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[''Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.'']

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]!

[''There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.'']

'''Emily:''' ['laughing''] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [''inaudible''] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [''inaudible''] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughing, says something about Clyde Cash'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [''presumably walking to see Frosty''] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* <s>[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n Full audio]</s> DELETED

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Chris and English

2013-04-04T02:52:16Z

Mrpickles:

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor this.]]

{{quote|I No Socialize Online.|Chris's strangely appropriate [[PS3|PSN]] comment.}}

[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things related to Chris, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older. This is presumably due to his increased isolation.

==CWC-isms==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading will be able to understand [[autism|exactly what he means]]. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]". He also tends to appropriate existing words, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[Semen|comeuppance]] isn't a fitting outcome for someone's deeds, and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy Sonichu|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like the definite article "da", Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive grasping desperately for credibility. Other famous [[CWC-isms]] like "[[tobacky]]", "[[niggos]]" and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

These CWC-isms combine with his [[Speech impediment|existing speech problems]] and his accent to form a unholy tri-fecta that defines his speech. With the constant stream of half words and repetition, it is sometimes difficult to understand what exactly he is talking about.. Any resemblance to actual English is tenuous at best, the words he uses are English but the structure is far from proper. The fact that his vocabulary is a bit lacking only compounds the situation.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know and tolerate. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, which only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instances". Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and — quite frankly — creepy.

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly [[Chris and his Ego|how self-centered he is]]. While the whole purpose of language is to express thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech, and his grammar is abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger-banging]] as "outtercourse",<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref> which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between". (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

Chris misuses punctuation in many ways, often with, albeit unintentional, comedic results. In particular, he tends to add hyphens where they aren't needed, such as in his stock phrase "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]". Clearly he means that he wants to create a relationship from the "ground up", from a blank slate, from the simplest of beginnings. A literal interpretation, though, means he wants to create a girlfriend from something that's been ground up — ground chuck, ground pepper, what-have-you.

In addition, he is obviously afraid that whatever he's feeling won't be adequately conveyed through his words, and tries to make up for this by relying on repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style, which could be compared to many comic books and graphic novels. For similar reasons, he tends to Capitalize Words At Random, Especially nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying.

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads. From the CWCipedia article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality homosexuality].}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like any six-year-old with ADD, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he instead veers off topic in order to babble about [[Random Access Humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences. A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is. Related is his overuse of semicolons, which are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, but Chris uses to crudely string together two tangentially-related thoughts into a barely coherent sentence. Chris even uses the semicolon in dialogue where it would normally be considered improper.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[Honest Content|honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would not mean he's not telling the whole truth.

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

One will notice with all the "''sic''" scattered around the CWCki, that Chris has trouble with simple spelling. Despite all the other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He seems to have trouble with switching "eni" for "ein", as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Sometimes, he seems to spell words phonetically like a grade-school child learning how to read, such as "characiture" (caricature), rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling. To put the icing on the cake, he writes "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

It was only relatively recently discovered that the term [[Anchuent Prophecy|"Anchuent"]] is supposed to be a pun, and not just another one of Chris's random acts of butchery of the English language — or even a typo resulting from "u" and "i" being adjacent on the QWERTY keyboard. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so persistent that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes completely unnoticed for ''years''.

===Typos===
[[Image:Sonichu_Typos.jpg|thumb|left|More perfect spelling from mister Chandler.]]

The spelling problem is only compounded by Chris's constant typos. The very first page of the comic contains the word [[Sonichu 0|"mies"]] in place of "miles". And even when he edits pages that contain these mistakes and has a chance to fix them, he still manages to overlook his errors the second time around, like [[Sonichu 7|"dood"]] instead of "good" in issue seven.

The fact that these typos exists only goes to prove that [[ego|Chris does not bother to proofread his works even a single time after completion]] and prior to uploading them to the internet. And assuming that he has to read his own comic sooner or later, and that someone '''must''' have drawn his attention to these mistakes at some point, the only logical conclusion is that Chris can not be asked to go back and fix these typos even when he is aware of them.

===Definitions and Vocabulary===
Chris has a very bad habit of not knowing what the fuck he's talking about, and vocabulary is one of them. Chris still believes the word [[Naïve|Naïve]] means stupid, and thus hates being called it. Naïve, in simple terms, means "ignorance or gullibility because of a lack of experience". Chris is the definition of this because he doesn't do anything, and because of that he's gullible and ignorant. Another word Chris throws around is slander. Chris constantly calls his [[ED]] page and [[CWCki]] slanderous. Slander is defamation. Defamation is the destruction of reputation or character through manipulation and lies of video, photographic, and audio evidence. Libel is like slander, but is defamation through writing. There's two things wrong with Chris' use of slander. His ED page and CWCki is more written than video, photographs and audio, so if it was anything it would be libel. The other is that ED and CWCki isn't slander or libel, because nothing is manipulated and everything on them is true, and backed up with physical evidence, provided by him.

Related to choice of vocabulary, Chris has an issue with using terms that, while technically meaning similar things, have different tones. This is perhaps most evident in [[Sonichu 10]], where Chris uses the term "bearing false witness" multiple times. In the context Chris uses the term, he's simply using it as an alternate way of saying "lying" or "misrepresenting", as the Biblical term is often simplified when explaining the ten commandments to children. Chris fails to realize that the term is more or less exclusively associated with the Bible and using it when discussing himself makes the characters sound like they're referring to Chris as their god, with all the unfortunate implications. Likewise, the Asperchu characters claim to have been forced to "make a false idol of the brown-shirted one" even though in Asperchu, the protagonists merely respect their creator, rather then worship him. Again, the use of Biblical terminology makes the whole thing seem even more narcissistic.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]." This rather clunky phrasing is repeated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He asserts that his idea of "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" on several occasions, and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump," most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]].

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his [[autism]] for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be laid at the door of his autism — other possibilities include that:
* Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so successfully, he tends to reuse what he knows is a working formula.
* Chris thinks his peculiar constructions are [[Random-access humor|funny]] and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
* Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
* Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====
Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort-of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough - it's got 'new' and 'address' in it."

For more blatant examples, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand. Also, when listing a hunk-of-shit TV on [[Craigslist]], he demands "CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. $250 or better offer; NO HAGGLE." which doesn't apply at all to something like an old TV. He most likely picked up the jargon from other entries on the site.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like", or "malevolent", an antonym of "benevolent"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical.

===Muddled-up Proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Autism|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with pens and their relative might vis-a-vis swords — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear. He cannot even create simple proverbs like
* "One who has his dick in the peanut butter jar is fucking nuts."

===Literal Interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's Father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's Father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' Don't… Don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just good stuff like vegetables. Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that the Dad here was trying to make gets lost in sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris sometimes branch out, lead nowhere, and cause frustration and tears (and tears of mirth for everyone but the two people who are conversing at the time).

As the quote read in [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm. This is no exception for Chris, who has often been unable to pick up sarcastic comments, as seen in the Guru Larry interview.<ref>[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]</ref>

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. He fails to elaborate any of his answers, and cannot distinguish the implied meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag #2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres — do you listen while you draw the comics, assuming you listen music at all while drawing the comics? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no". Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again." Chris took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now," and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This may seem innocuous at first, as regular people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag #34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts".<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|''Sonichu'' Quiz #2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] begins with "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed FCC for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag #51]]</ref> even though FCC has no authority over web or print media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag #51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "comic writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show.]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. "''For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic''].''"</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue #3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10|Mailbag #10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now," rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's [[autism]], where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; he almost always refers to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he's feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

==Spoken language==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, although that's not really saying much. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uh", "hmm", and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also [[Speech impediment|tends to stutter and repeat himself]].

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|''Brutal Legend'']] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is [[Random-access humor|trying to be funny]].

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising.]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[Autism|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit.]]}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|akekECv9XCQ}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris perhaps now has realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated hulk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his [[autism]], but it is also related to his [[Random Access Humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|"Smell Yo Duck"]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously an exaggeration of Chris's feelings, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]]. Despite this, Chris has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash,"<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "BUGS BUNNY WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39|Mailbag #39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the Xes are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch".) Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity level — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory is often floated regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry Internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
* [[Speech Impediment]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The High School Story]]
* [[Chris and writing]]
* [[Spanish]]
* Anything written on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Christian Weston Chandler

2012-07-24T13:02:31Z

Mrpickles:

:''This article is about Chris himself. For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris Tran]] [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Kaka Makeup Basics|Kaka]] [[Jackie Chat 6|Chunky Monkey Man]]
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age 30)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–2011) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–present)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) Male escort ([[2010]], unpaid) [[Virgin]] ([[1982]])-([[2012]])
|-
|}
{{quote|I am the high-functioning [[autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Art|artistic]] [[plagiarism|inspiration]] lost with [[Health|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the [[The Wall of Originals|hand-drawing original]] [[copyrights|creator]] of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[Asperger's|high-functioning]] [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went#The_Trial.|Adult Autistic Child]] 30 year old former [[virgin with rage|virgin]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit media franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him.]]

Yes, friends, it gets far, ''far'' worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]

Much like the Devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

Occasionally, Chris will use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].
{{clear}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do we get the feeling that he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed - by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now thirty years old, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to [[Chris and health#Hygiene|bathe]] regularly," "you can't sit in a store all day [[Attraction Sign|waiting]] for people to talk to you," and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system originally forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter) who wasn't a [[troll]].

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and [[Tomgirl Pictures|proudly cross-dresses]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref>
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to [[Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true - the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Aspergers_(CWCipedia_article)</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl—if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school". Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]]. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend...allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''Sonichu'', [[masturbation|masturbating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[Game Place|local game and card shop]]. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]]]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011|2012}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]].

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube Chris and he later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]]]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris does not see his new-found femininity as being in contradiction to heterosexuality.

In [[September 2011]], Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]] died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his [[mother]] Barbara is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her [[obesity]] is taken into account.
[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2012]]]]

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer.

In [[April 2012]], Chris finally lost his virginity.
{{clear}}

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan III: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - The 503 Faces of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
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}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
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}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler" Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
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{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
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{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
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==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Lars Call

2012-01-09T04:10:24Z

Mrpickles:

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]

{{quote| I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18-to-current-age-year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the- Just for the booty call! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang!|[[Chris]], talking like a [[niggo]]}}

{{quote|I want [[Jackie]] and I want to be able to keep my [[video games]].|[[Chris]], torn between two loves}}

The '''Lars Call''' was a ninety-minute phone conversation on 6 [[November 2010]] where Chris talked with [[Jackie]]'s [[Niggos|black]] [[JERKS|ex-boyfriend]] [[Lars]], discussing addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris got comfortable with [[Wikipedia:Ebonics|Ebonics]], and hilarity ensued. Near the end of the call, Lars mentions he's going to have [[sex]] with Jackie, and Chris completely misses what he just said as he hangs up the phone, once again proving how dense Chris really is.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion, thanks to Lars.
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]].
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]].
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|<s>Down Syndrome</s> Downtism]].
* Chris whines about [[trolls]], not getting a [[job]], and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him.
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say [[Niggos|"nigga"]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|out of context.]]
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his [[comic]]. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls.
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]]; Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Bason Nigga]]".
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving he did]].
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's nigga.
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]".
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore.
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his [[PS3]] (at least it wasn't [[Patti]]).
* Lars spent nine months as a volunteer at a hospital, enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying.
* More bitching about [[trolls]].
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass.
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call.
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to [[ban]] Chris.
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[100_2278|strong]] and would kick their ass (but only if they hit first).
* Chris likes black people on [[TV]]. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes ''Sanford & Son''. They both hold up their fists in black solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right.
* Lars tells Chris that his [[dick]] is four inches of straight goodness.
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in [[High School]].
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" and beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her.
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead.
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit, courtesy of [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]].
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women. Chris denies it.
* Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself.]]
* Chris didn't have [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]], he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 8; he was scared, so he only made the bitch cum twice.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris's doorstep the following day.
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, he will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, he wants Jackie AND [[video games]].
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]].
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
===Stats===
* The word "nigga" is used 185 times.
* "Shit" is used 554 times.
* "Yo" is used 46 times.

==Transcript==

===You Are Now About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge (0:01 - 7:00)===
'''Jackie:''' [''In shrill, forced enthusiasm''] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' ...Oh... Jackie... Hi.
 '''Jackie:''' Well I got your email!-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Yeah. Oh, uhhh. Yep. What's a... What's... a... [''sounds of frantic typing''] what's... a what's... uh, your response there?
 '''Jackie:''' Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Jackie:''' -two boys play nice, ok?
 '''Chris:''' Um, ok.
 '''Jackie:''' Lars!
 '''Lars:''' YO! [[Women's rights|BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!]]
 '''Chris:''' ...hmm, hello?
 '''Lars:''' Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, this is Christian.
 '''Lars:''' Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?
 '''Lars:''' Doin' alright, nigga. Shit. Yo, I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all pro'lly felt the same way, and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: "Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit." So I be like doin' the call and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dawg-
 '''Chris:''' ...Ye-
 '''Lars:''' -what you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own up to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pour libations and shit for that baby, I tell ya what.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga, now. You dig, you feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.
 '''Lars:''' Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any [[Recycling|nasty habits]] and shit there Chris?
 '''Chris:''' N-nasty habits?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model [[Wikipedia:Planes, Trains and Automobiles|planes, and trains, and automobiles]] maybe? Anything that be weighing you down, and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah-
 '''Lars:''' We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Oh... okay, well I did have [[CWCville|a whole city]] made out of [[Lego]]s that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-
 '''Lars:''' Huh, y'all done got a city of [[Lego]]s and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. [[Wikipedia:United States twenty-dollar bill|Jackson]] and [[Wikipedia:United States ten-dollar bill|a Hamilton]] and shit, goin' to [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeyes Chicken]] with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeyes and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have felt that way before.
 '''Lars:''' Tell me all about it, dog.

=== Slow Times at Manchester High (7:00 - 12:30)===
'''Chris:''' Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of [[gal-pals|friends]] back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave [[Chesterfield County]] where I was going to [[high school]] and move back [[Ruckersville]]. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through seventh grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "[[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]]" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my [[autism]] and considerable [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mindedness]], that has happened to me before.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...
 '''Chris:''' Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on [[Wikipedia]].
 '''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that [[Wikipedia:Down syndrome|Down syndrome]] and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down syssdrome, it's way different from Down syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].
 '''Lars:''' Be more like that [[Asperger's]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Lars:''' I ain't know anyone with that Asperger's, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So you got them Asperger's and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, she’s, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ [[Wikipedia:House slave|house nigga]]. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear you. [[Barb|My-my mom]]-it happens between my mom and [[Bob|dad]]. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.
 '''Lars:''' Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m [[Niggos|a black man]], so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and [[Jackie]]. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear-
 '''Lars:''' Shit ain't [[Wikipedia:Cornbread|cornbread]].
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y'all know why Jackie wasn't happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my [[computer]] went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, AIM and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to [[YouTube]] for her, which I have done, and, uh-
 '''Lars:''' A’ight, a’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y'all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Lars:''' You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' -she asks?
 (pause)
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about [[Book10Replacement|that fuckin’ comic video]]. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to YouTube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car lately.

===Turf Wars (12:30 - 16:00)===
'''Lars:''' I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, [[troll]]in' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.
 '''Chris:''' Eh.
 '''Lars:''' Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.
 (Pause)
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a Internet bullies, and cyberbullies. Trolls.
 '''Lars:''' What is-
 '''Chris:''' [''interjecting''] They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a Internet celebr- Internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic]], in my comics and whatnot. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog. I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' They get a whole bunch of footage from me and they just twist it and turn it the wrong way and just make my-and they just smear my once good name in the mud. Makes it very hard for me to get a job of my own with the background checks. Then-and they pretty much Google my-Google my name and all you get was, uh-all you get’s pretty much, other than the first, and their sole results is, uh, damn [[CWCki]] and uh, damn [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and that’s just a whole bunch of weigh-me-downs-
 '''Lars:''' I feel ya, I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] –bad about me.
 '''Lars:''' That fuckin’ man hold a nigga down. Shit, I’ve been living that shit, whole life and shit. Damn. Fuckin’ niggas tryin’ to hold a nigga down. Yo yo, yo-
 '''Chris:''' You know, Lars-
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo, let m-oh, no no, you go ahead, dawg. You go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Lars:''' You go on with your righteous self.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, they also misla-they also mislabel me as a [[homos]]exual when I am a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Homosexual and shit? Damn. Like on the [[Wikipedia:Down-low (sexual slang)|DL]]?
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Lars:''' That what they say?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they be calling me- yeah, they be calling me gay. But I'm a- but I'm a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Man, I know these niggas. Y'all like, they be all like men who have sex with men an' shit? They call themselves gay, but I'm like, nigga, you be gay if you be having sex with men. I mean, what that shit about? Fuckin' gay niggas, ain't wanna admit they gay. You know that gay shit, though, I think it's that, that macho shit. Ain't no black man want to admit to being a gay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Dawg.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] Yeah, yeah plus you know what also, you know along those lines what really ticks me off is when they-when they use the word "gay" when the word means "stupid" or "retarded."
 '''Lars:''' Shit. All be like when niggas be using the word nigga an' shit. That be our word and shit, ain't no one got the right to use that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You know how that feels 'an shit, it hurts me. Right here. Right fucking here.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' I be tappin' my chest, where my heart muscle is? You can't see it 'cause we on the phone, but that's what I be doin'. To enunciate my point. So.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' What you sayin' is, when people call you gay, that be hurting you the same way, 'cause "gay" be like your word. Just like "nigga" be like my word, an' shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Essentially, yeah, I know.

===The Alec Bason Nigga Parade (16:00 - 26:43)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo, dog, dog. Let me, let me go back, let me ax you. Ya'll say you be drawin' comics and shit, what kind of comics you draw, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ugh, it's uh, from a idea I had. Uh, in a nutshell it's essentially combining [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Called him, uh, [[Sonichu]]. And that's all--he's like this, he actually goes on the adventures and whatnot, similar to Sonic the Hedgehog in one, he's got like electric powers and he can run fast and everything. They, and he hangs around, he hangs around, goes out with [[Rosechu|his girlfriend]] and uh, yeah, eventually they get married and uh, they have [[Sonee & Rosey|children]].
 '''Lars:''' Shit, be like [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie comics]] and shit. Y'know, I always though Archie be [[Homos|gay]] an' shit. Fuckin' Archie.
 '''Chris:''' N-no-
 '''Lars:''' [[Wikipedia:Archie Bunker|Archie Bunker]] with his negativity, fuckin' callin' people nigger. Gooks. Swanks. Wanks. Negros. All of his [[Wikipedia:Jughead Jones|jughead]] remarks, shit. Fuckin' Archie. That be like what [[Sonichu (comic)|your comic]] is like, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean essentially, that would be what it would've been, but then I, then that, I kind of like lost track of when the trolls, the uh, the [[trolls]], [[Chris and English|the typos]], and then [[WeighIn|they weighed me, they weighed me down.]] And then they, then you know the expression, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Well, they used to get on my mind so much that they get, then I end up drawing them into my comic books, making them into villains, and yadda-yadda-yadda. They just, they just...and they just essentially just worsened my... most of my books. And then-
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally-
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered adulterous. Even some, even some-
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Even some-
 '''Lars:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Even some [[nudes|naked]] things I had but I, I just up and did. You know.
 '''Lars:''' You ain't be drawing your comic because these, 'cause these white niggas what be hatin' on your work. They be drinkin' all that Haterade. That why you ain't be drawing. I see.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Aw shit, dog! That be why Jackie asked you to do the comic and shit! Shit, it all falls together now, the last puzzle piece in place. Cracka, you know if you stop that it means they win, right? Ya'll gots to get up on that comic and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I real, yeah, I really do need to get back to drawing more, drawing more p, drawing more comics and pages. But I just haven't been able to find the inspiration. They weighed me down so bad they just affe-, they just affected (?) me in the back of my mind and my subconscious.
 '''Lars:''' 'Em dog Jackie be telling me she thought she'd be your inspiration and shit. Ain't that the case and shit? What be goin' on then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she, yeah, she did-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be all like...Jackie be all like "Aw shit, nigga!" That's what she said to me, she said "Aw shit, nigga! Why ain't Chris be drawin' no comic for me? Ain't I no inspiration and shit? Dayum!" And I'll be like "Damn, bitch! Go make me my steak dinner!" Bitch be ballin' and shit. Fuckin' smack a ho... shit keeps up. Why you ain't draw the comic and shit for her?
 '''Chris:''' Y-y-you can't, you can't exactly rush inspir- you can't exactly rush inspiration, for... uh... for one thing.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo! But ain't, ain't my bitch Jackie, ain't she give you the story and shit for this comic vidya?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she gave me the idea of, like uh, for uh, for the, for uh, one dude who originally was definitely not original part of the comic scene, but then he did his [[parody]] against me, and uh, in his comic he portrayed killing me and, they're like getting to war (?) go against me and uh, even, even agreeing with this, even agreeing with this guy who pretends, who uh, pretends to be me and... (sigh). Just more, whole bunch of more shit right there. Anyway, what, anyway what she wanted me to throw him a- she wanted me to throw like a parade in a, in a, in a... in the comic, in my comic scene. And you know, like, you know, I mean he did what he did to me in his comics and I took it literally. It's like, you know, he fuckin', he fuckin' just shot, he fuckin' just, a whole bunch of bullet wounds in one go on my, on my, on myself. And I ain't gonna throw him a parade on that, on that, on that scene and whatnot.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, I feel you angry an' shit, dog, I feel you furious an' shit. You furious at this nigga. An' I feel it. You know, dog-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be talkin' to me. Jackie be sayin', ain't the problem that you hate this nigga. Problem be, that you lie to her and tell her you gonna do it when you ain't mean to. What up with that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause)'' Well, I have told her that I was eh-I would not be giving him a parade but she just insisted on that and she just, uh, and I would, I would say that she just, kind of like, got in her mind that, she thought that was that-I was definitely going to do that, even though-
 '''Lars:''' My shoulder, Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Told her-
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo dog, yo dog, my shoulder, Jackie. She be all like, she email you and ax you to do this video an' shit, an' then you email her back and say, "Yeah bitch, ain't no problem an' shit, I'll be doin' that." Ya'll ain't made no, no... no prov-ver-acations an' shit. Ya'll ain't made no provesations.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well, I mean that, I told her I would, that I would draw her the pages, but I did not tell her that I was going to throw him- throw him a parade in the pages because I had said that I was not giving him a fucking parade.
 '''Lars:''' She said she wanted a parade an' shit, and then you write back saying you were gonna do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' I mean I feel her anger. I feel her righteousness and shit. Lie or omission, still be a fuckin' liar and shit. Ya'll dig, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man, y'all got anger and shit, and I feel that. I feel that, I really do and shit nigga, but y'all got to stand up to yo' woman and shit, damn! Woman be tellin' you to do shit, y'all ain't just be lyin' to her. You gots a problem wit' yo' woman, you ain't lie to her, then all you got's two problems. Ya dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid? ''[[China|Pussy]].''
 '''Chris:''' How often-
 '''Lars:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' How often do I get laid?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, when the last time you cut some trim and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hm... I'm actually a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]].
 '''Lars:''' Aw, shit, dog. Explains that anger and shit. This be why you angry at them trolls.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, among other things.
 '''Lars:''' Shit dog, see- See dog, you be lyin' to women and shit, they ain't like that. Man, you ain't wanna do what no woman tells you to do, you just tell her straight up to her face. Then you have her go make you a steak dinner and shit. But you ain't lie to her and shit. Shit ain't gangsta. Shit be straight busta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did tell her straight- I did tell her straight up that I was not gonna be throwing that- I was not gonna be throwin' him a fuckin' parade. I was not gonna draw him in a parade.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over each other)'' Yo dog, I be looking at printouts and shit. Y'all know us niggas don't be doin' too well on the Internet, Jackie be printin' out printouts and shit for me. Yo I be lookin' at printouts and shit. And...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' In the email, she said, "Hey Chris, why don't y'all do that parade video for that, Alec... Alec Bason... Nigga, whatever his name is. Alec Bason Nigga. And then you say, "Sure Jackie, I'll be on that shit!" Y'all ain't make not protestations. why ain't y'all say nothing then?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. Well-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all said you gonna do it. Ya'll not mean to do it. You feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, tommorow, to let you know, uh- This, it was essentially, in the replacement pages where I do not, uh, end up, I do not end up giving Alec a gory- and his crew, a gory demise, like I did originally. ''(Pause)'' I did not-
 '''Lars:''' Yo, bitch Jackie said to throw this nigga a parade. You say "a'ight, I'm a do that." Then you didn't. ''(Pause)'' You be lyin' to women and shit often, dog? This be why you still a virgin and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Lars:''' Smellin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' No- No, it's... ''(Sigh)'' Well... Wait a minute, ''(Sigh)'' My brain- I gotta catch up my brain, here. Mm.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight. I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause; some grunting heard while Chris catches up his brain)''
 '''Lars:''' ''(At Jackie:)'' Yo bitch don't burn that [[Wikipedia:Casserole|casserole]]! Fuckin' bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Lars:''' Hold- Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, you still there?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Yeah dog, I be here. I be wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well. Well, I do not mean to, I did not mean to lie to her, but I did tell her straight up that I did not- That I had no intention of throwing that... Of throwing that dude a parade.
 '''Lars:''' Nah dog, I be lookin' at the emails, she said to throw him a parade, you say you gonna do it. You ain't say "I ain't throwin' a parade."
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah well I told- Yeah I mean I told her I did not wanna throw him- throw him- throw him a parade.
 '''Lars:''' When you tell her this shit, I ain't see this shit. When you tell her you ain't throwin' a parade? I need some help and shit, dog, I ain't feelin' where you at.
 '''Chris:''' Well, maybe uh...
 '''Lars:''' Gots ourselves a... discommunication.
 '''Chris:''' I- Yeah... I think it was discommunication.
 '''Lars:''' No I mean between us and shit dog, I ain't feeling where you at. 'Cause I see the emails and shit, she say throw a parade for the nigga. You say a'ight. But you ain't mean a'ight.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I said- Well I said alright in drawing the replacement pages.
 '''Lars:''' You said a'ight to the whole email though.
 '''Chris:''' But I did not-
 '''Lars:''' You ain't pick out bits and pieces, and say yes to this, and no to that. That's why I'm- I be confused, I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah uh-
===Fueling the Fire (26:43 - 28:30)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, let me relate a cautionary tale an' shit. Shit, shit happened way back in Jackie an' I first relationship and shit. Man, bitch be all like, "Lars, you best be gettin' rid of them boats, lest I bounce and shit," and I be like, "A'ight, a'ight dog, I'll be gettin' ridda my boats and shit, shorty. Shit, you'll see and shit. Damn!" Then the bitch was like, "A'ight, you be gettin' rid of them boats, I don't wanna see no boats here in forty-eight hours." I'll be like, "A'ight." I ain't mean to get ridda them boats. I just went out and bought mo' boats. Shit, bitch was all like, "Lars, you need to lose boats. Y'all be like, addicted and shit. You need to stop buyin' boats and shit." I be like, "A'ight" every fuckin' time. Every fuckin' time. I just payin' the bitch [[Wikipedia:Lip service|lip service]] and shit. Soon enough, whole fuckin' house fulla boats and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I ain't ever mean to get ridda them boats, I just keep buyin' more boats. Y'all ever had anything like that shit? Someone want you to get ridda somethin', you say "a'ight"? Then you don't, and you just keep gettin' more? Fuckin' addiction, and shit. Fueling the fire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Be like slavery, fueling them flames of injustice and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Once you got that shit, can't stamp it out, and shit. Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all feel me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you. Hm. Alright well-
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, anyway-
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga? Whoa, whoa, dog. Who my nigga? Ya'll be my nigga, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Y'all be my nigga? Say it, dog. Say you my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... I'll be yo nigga.

===Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeit. Dog be righteous and shit, up in here. Be all gangsta and shit. Nigga, I ain't expect this shit, y'all an me. We be homies and shit. Damn. I ain't know why Jackie wanna get rid a yo ass. That's what I'm tryin'a find out an' shit. 'Cause I'm confuzzled. Might be this lyin' and shit, maybe that be why she all mad at you an' shit. Might be somethin' else, I dunno. Anything else? What's goin' on there? ''(Pause)'' How much y'all love Jackie and shit?
 '''Chris:''' How mu- I- I love- I love- I care and love Jackie a lot.
 '''Lars:''' How much? How much- you love her more than what? Put it into quantintative terms and shit. ''(Pause)'' I'll be like-
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Lars:''' I'll be like- Every night, I be like, "Jackie, I love yo ass more'n the moon an' shit. I would throw away the moon an' shit, Death Star that shit! Fuck. Ain't need to tides an' shit. All I need's my Jackie." Feelin' me? Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What'd y'all give up for that bitch?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well I mean, I'll give up- I mean I would give up most anything for... for Jackie and me to be together.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, she ever ask... ax you to be givin' up shit for her? ''(Pause)'' She ask me to give away my boats and shit. I be all like, refusin' an' shit, first time around. Shit be what burned our relationship. That and the whole fetus thing. Shit. Bitch ain't never gonna let me live that shit down. Be all harpin' on me, every time she serve me dinner and shit. Suckin' my dick, all I hear be like ''(Does impression of Jackie's dick-muffled voice)'' "Lars, why you kill my baby?" Fuckin' bitch. Yo, dog, I be digressin' and shit. Y'all my nigga, y'all gots to be cuttin' me off when I do that. Ten to wax philosophical and shit. My bad. My bad. Let's go back to that question and shit. What y'all givin' up for Jackie? ''(Pause)'' Thinka she like [[Wikipedia:Lent|Lent]] and shit, what you givin' up?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, If I had the moon I would give that up for her as well.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. Be all... poetical. Metaphorical and shit. Poetaphorical. Shit be romance, all [[Wikipedia:Hallmark Cards|Hallmark]] greetin' cards and shit. Bitches love that. Bitches be slobberin' all up on yo balls and dick when they hear that shit. Damn! ''(Pause)'' Practical terms, though, what y'all givin up for her? Like, like the metaphorical, I be givin' up the moon for the bitch. I ain't own the moon and shit. I ain't got no [[Wikipedia:Death Star|Death Star]]. Ain't no [[Wikipedia:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|Empire]] gonna let no nigga in charge of a Death Star an' shit. Even that biggest galaxy nigga in the world, [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] and shit, turned out to be pasty fuckin' white dude underneath. Shit. [[Wikipedia:Lando Calrissian|Lando Calrissian]], fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Uncle Tom|Uncle Tom]] and shit. Sellin' out a nigga to the Empire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What y'all givin' up? I gave up my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I actually, uh...
 '''Lars:''' I burned them boats!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Ashes to ashes. Swords to plowsheds and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I tell you what, I'd be givin' up, uh... all other- I be givin' up, uh... The planet- The, uh planet closest to the Sun for Jackie. Mercury.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, nigga. Ain't that shit be all [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]] and shit now? They be cuttin' three inches off that planet's [[dick]] an' shit? Heard that shit back in [[2006]]. Fuck.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're thinkin' about- You're thinkin' of [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]], the planet that is ''farthest'' away from the Sun, this is the planet ''closest'' to the Sun.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I see. I see. Yeah, Space be black an' shit, but don't let that confuzzle you an' shit. Ain't no nigga goin' up in space, I tell ya what. Fuckin'-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man gonna keep a nigga down. Keep a nigga on the ground. Keep a nigga from flyin'. Keep a nigga from tryin'. Sheeeit. Got my finger on the trigger, niggas wonder why. Livin' in the city, it's do or die, nigga. Y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I know y'all feel me, y'all be my nigga an' shit. Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I'm yo nigga.
 '''Lars:''' You're my nigga, dog. You're my nigga. A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, I feel you. Let's go back to the metaphorical, metafusical, question of the evening. Y'all be givin' up Mercury?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be givin up [[the Moon]]? Y'all be givin' up [[Wikipedia:Ceres (dwarf planet)|Ceres]] and shit? Fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Moons of Pluto|Nix and Hydra]], goddamn bullshit little moons. What else y'all givin' up? What practicalities and... reala-tala-calaties be you givin' up and shit? In the here and now, what be down here ain't no planet. What y'all givin' up for the bitch? ''(Pause)'' I would give up the Moon, and shit, and I'll give away Ceres, and [[Wikipedia:Proxima Centauri|Proxima Centauri]] and all that shit, but down here on the planet Earth, I be givin' away my boats and shit. Burnin' that shit. Put it to ash. Put them ashes on the mantle. Up on my fireplace and shit. Ain't got no ashes of my daddy, my daddy be fleein' me when I was a baby and shit. Ain't no black man can raise a baby, they all flee. So I ain't got my daddy's ashes. That ain't where he is. Y'all be my daddy for all I know. Shit. ''Man'', I be waxin' off again! You ever just wax off like that? Shit. Once you start, ya just can't stop. 'Til you pop. Fuckin' bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Anyway dog, I be takin' up all the air time- The word time, dawg, you gots ta lay it down for me, what y'all givin' up for Jackie? I'll be shuttin' up now, I'll be shuttin' up now, y'all see your piece, y'all be righteous.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, the uh, the rea- In the reality...
 '''Lars:''' Right, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'd be giving up my... video game time.

===The PS Triple Investment (34:25 - 48:15)===
'''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be gettin' rid a them vidya games and shit. Eh?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I got rid of the, I got rid of a lot of video games I've been hoarding over the years.
 '''Lars:''' That [[PS3|PS Triple]] an' shit? Damn. Shit be like [[Chris and money|800 dollars]] and shit, right? Shit be like a money sink. I feel ya dog, be good you be gettin' ridda that shit. How much 'fetti you get for that shit? Y'sell that shit off. yeah?
 '''Chris:''' ''([[stress]]ful pause)'' No, I have not, no- I have not sold my... PlayStation 3. And it ha- and I have invested a lot ''into'' it. Ever since I had it.
 '''Lars:''' Invested and shit? Y'all be like playin' stocks and shit? What y'all talkin' 'bout, "investin'"?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's just, you know... I downloaded a lot of stuff. On to it.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, I be downloadin' a lotta boats and shit, too. Ain't see me keepin' no boats around, I be burnin' all my boats. Ain't no investment, be a curse and shit. Like a black hole. That be one a them astronomical things. Think [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]] gonna turn into a [[Wikipedia:Black hole|black hole]] 'cause it pissed off about bein' a [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]]. Pluto be like, like a giant boat. Filled with (?) paint kits and shit. All that money.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be givin' up them vidya games. Whoa-whoa-wait, wait, nigga. Nigga, nigga, nigga, my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all say you givin' up them vidya games, but y'all got no- Y'all got the PS Triple and shit, still.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's another thing, I-
 '''Lars:''' I be confuzzled.
 '''Chris:''' That's another thing that, uh, kinda ticks me- It kinda ticks me off a bit, uh, I do not- I do not like it when... When uh, when the trolls, have been- You know, they pretty much seem to have started the trend of calling the PlayStation 3 a... "PS Triple". [[Chris and Hypocrisy|And I just do not- I just- That just rubs me the wrong way, man.]]
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog. Why y'all ain't like that and shit? Just be a box fulla toys and shit, why y'all be defendin' the name and shit? I mean I feel ya, wantin' to defend the name, defend the honor, defend the honor of a honest woman and shit? Man, I be all up on that shit. Wanna be up that poon tang, you gotta be defendin' that honor and shit. Man, like my bitch, little Cubby, he be sayin' "Bitch, yo bitch be all bitch and shit,"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' I be like, "I'm a pop yo ass."
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be standin'- I be standin' up for... I be standin' up for my woman too, you know, I defendin' her from any- from anybody that comes upon her. Yeah, look-
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be defendin' your PS Triple like it be a woman and shit? I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' The PS... The PS Triple no woman, it just, it's just a... dang material possession. And the- and, and uh, and Jackie being the wonderful woman she is, and the wonderful person, very s- best person there is, you know... She's a lot more important than a dang ol' video game console. ''(Pause)'' But still, you know, after I invested a whole lot in there over the- over that- over that... my time I had it, it's like you know, I ain't gonna get that back and I'm certainly not gonna be able to get ''[indecipherable]'' for it. Face value.
 '''Lars:''' Ain't y'all gonna get Jackie and shit though? Ain't Jackie be worth more than a PS Triple and shit? Jackie cook a mean steak dinner and shit. All the fixins. Throw some [[Wikipedia:Grits|grits]] on there. Some [[Wikipedia:Starburst (confectionery)|Starburst]]. Little [[Wikipedia:Grape soda|grape soda]] on the side. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
 '''Chris:''' Yep. I tell ya, If I can't, uh, If I can't sell my PS Triple, I tell ya something else, I tell you, another thing I would definitely get rid of for Jackie, I'd get rid of a whole bunch of the, uh... [[Transformers]] I got.
 '''Lars:''' Why can't y'all get ridda that PS Triple though, dog? I- I ain't be feelin' it, I ain't be understandin' and shit. Y'all got my mind twisted and turned, with these phrases. I know y'all ain't mean it and shit, but I ain't be feelin' it. I need y'all help, dog. I be slow and shit, I ain't be figuring it out. Why ain't y'all give up that PS Triple and shit, dog? Worked hook, line and sinker with my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I downl- Listen, I downloaded over 4000 dollars worth of content and... at face value it's not gonna get me back 4000 dollars.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, dog! Ain't about the money and shit. Shit be about gettin' rid of addictions and shit. Y'know I how much I drop on boats and shit? Forty-five thousand dollars! I got like, six credit cards for that shit. Y'know how hard it is for a black man to get one credit card, I got six! Six, nigga. That's how dedicated I was to them fuckin' boats. That's how- them boats was my life, nigga. Them boats was my life! Sheeit. But I burned them boats, ain't get no money for that shit. That money be ''gone'', nigga. I got debts to pay off and shit. But I be an honest nigga now. I ain't lettin' no addiction control me. Why you ain't get rid a that PS Triple? I be feelin' Jackie, like, that's what she want.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I- Lemme just- Just let me talk, here.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all go ahead, dog. I'm listenin'.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Listen, I do not, I would not need to sell the console in order for me to not spend any more. I just- will just swear upon- Upon my [[Aunt Corrina]]'s grave. On that, and uh, my fam- On the life of myself and [[Barbara|my mom]] and [[Bob|my dad]]. Everybody in my family. And I will just not- I will not spend... Any- I will just not spend any more- ''[Audio gets fucked up here while Chris continues lying]'' -downloading for the P-
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, I hear ya.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Audio still messed up]''
 '''Lars:''' Ain't Jackie ask you to do that a while ago and shit? Ain't Jackie ask you to not spend on that a while ago, ain't that what she said? That what she be tellin' me. Ain't y'all still be spendin' and shit though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' I-
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, as a nigga that seen the worst of addictions, I gotta level wit' you, bro. Just ain't work that way, dog. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all go ahead, dog, y'all go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I mean, it just- it just had to be, uh... one that I would have- I would have to able- I just would have to be able to show it to her in person, you know. I treat- I treat her right. I would treat her right in person, and I would not be th- My money would be going all to- All towards her, and... Not on anything new that goes on the, uh, PS Triple.
 '''Lars:''' So you ain't been buyin' games for, like... How long, [[Jackie]] ask you that shit like... Months ago, and shit, right? You ain't been buying no games for all that time?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I ain't been- I ain't buying no game for about a month. Buying no new games.
 '''Lars:''' "About a month"?
 '''Chris:''' Ain't gonna... Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' This... This be any games and shit, this be just that... That, what the fuck, Jackie- ''(Yells at Jackie)'' Yo bitch, what you call that? That... "PSN" shit? Fuckin'... what that stand for, "PS Nigga" and shit? Sheeeit. Gonna be a lawsuit up there at Sony, with this bitch. Y'all be spendin' money just on that? You don't be buying games at the... [[Wikipedia:Costco|Costco]] and shit? Buyin' them hard copies? ''(Pause)'' Don't lie to me, dog, don't lie to me.
 '''Chris:''' A bunch- a bunch-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, you be my nigga an' shit? You be my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You be my nigga an' shit, don't be lyin' to me. Bros before hos, dog. We be tight, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' You be feelin', I be touchin'.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I ain't lyin'- I ain't lyin' to you. It's essentially, you know, the stuff I download from the PSN, there's no... uh, it- And the "N", by the way, it stands for "Network", "PlayStation Network".
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' But anyway, it's stuff that mostly- Stuff, mostly stuff that you just cannot f- You just cannot get on hard copy. There's no hard copy for mosta the stuff they got on there.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all still be buyin' shit. Y'all still be buyin' games on PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, y- Yeah, but, yeah it's like, uh- It's like, uh, world wide web, it's like, Internet thing, it's like... Alright. You- You know of [[IPods Down and Listen Up|iTunes]], right?
 '''Lars:''' "Internet"? Like the white folks' street corner and shit, yo dog I feel you. iTunes and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes, it-
 '''Lars:''' Be more like "WhiteTunes", with all that white color.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes or [[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads|Rhapsody]] or Napster. Well, point is, you know, it's... It's uh, you know-
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be spendin' money and shit on this [[PSN]].
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' But ain't Jackie not want you to be doin' that shit though?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will- And I promise her that I would not do that, and I have not been... doing that. ''(Pause)'' For about a month now.
 '''Lars:''' Bitch be tellin' me she up on that PS Nigga, she be lookin' at y'all... Y'all [[Facebook]] on that nigga. Shit, I ain't know. I ain't know this Internet shit. Internet be like space, ain't no nigga gonna up on that Internet neither. Fuckin' Man keepin' us down. Anyway... sheeit. Bitch be tellin' me she all up on that PS Nigga and she check your... Your trophies, and your accolades, and shit. Nigga be gettin' all new trophies for new games and shit, all through the month.
 '''Chris:''' Actually those were new trophies for games I had already- I already owned.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be... Y'all be havin' game you ain't played for months, but you still buyin' shit? I feel that, I feel that, I was like that with my boats and shit, I be buyin' boats... I ain't even take 'em in the tub for... six months and shit. Nigga like his bubble bath with boats, no? Some times I have my favorite boats, sometimes I have my less favorite boats, sometimes I have my not favorite boats at all, nigga. I ain't even like them boats. So you and me, we be in the same boat and shit, y'feel me? ''Sheeeeeeeeeeit.'' Dawg, we be tight and shit. Y'all be up in my grill and shit. Y'all be... up in my 'fetti. ''(Awkward Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, let me ax you then.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Lars:''' So Jackie, she be all bitchin' at you, she be all like, "Chris, I know you ain't be buyin' no boats, and... PSN nigga boats, and... PS Nigga games", and... she ain't want you buyin' none a that shit. A'ight? But then you go... you still gonna be playin' this shit. Yo bitch be all like, ain't want you, ain't want you playin' wit' yo boats and shit, yo PS boats. Shit be all addictive and shit, ya feel?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah... You have to forgive me for... things there, you kinda talk a little fast, and I'm just tryin' to- Just wanna make sure I'm able to understand you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight. You take your time and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, we cool.
 '''Lars:''' Brovaries before ovaries, and shit. We cool. You take your time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You take your sweet time. [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah bu-
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all thinka that? You need a clarification, and shit? A bifurcation? Y'all got, y'all be feelin' me, y'all be feelin my question.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh-
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not really sure what the question is, though.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I be, I'll be rephrasin' with the past parsable and shit. So my bitch Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I ain't want you plain' none a them games, now." You be gettin' games up on that PS Nigga. You be playin' them games all day and night. Sheeeeit, addiction be all "spiral of doom" and shit. Ain't about just the money. It's about the ''tiiiime'', nigga. 'Bout the ''effort'', nigga. All that time an effort, go in to the volunteerin' and shit. Work at the hospital. Be a fuckin' hospice nurse and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Oh-
 '''Lars:''' I did that shit for nine months. Fuckin' made me a new man and shit. Watch a buncha old white people die? Sheeeeit. Ain't nothing feel better than that. All them old slave-owners and [[Wikipedia:Sharecropper|sharecroppers]] be droppin' like flies, and here Lars be. Lars McNulty. Sheeeit. That shit feel good, nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, by the way-
 '''Lars:''' Watchin' white people die.
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you're asking me, you're- you're asking me, uh, why I be spending all my extra time playing video games instead of like, you know, goin' out, uh... to volunteer work or some- shi- or stuff like that.
 '''Lars:''' True dat, dog, true dat. You be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feeling ya. Uh, but mostly, but mostly, uh, on the one point, it's like, I would not know where to look. And plus, you know, goin' out for a job, after all the, uh, after them trolls been weighing me down since November [[2007]], smearin' my name in the... [''Audio cuts out while Chris continues whining'']

===Fuck Tha Police (48:15 - 57:30)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeeit. A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. But, y'all know, dog, y'all know them background check and shit, just be for criminal shit. Now I know all about the criminality. I be a black man, I had a record since I was 8. Sheeit. Try'd to rob Starbucks with a [[Megatron pistol|fake gun]]. Nigga, y'all ever rob Starbucks, you best bring a real gun, nigga. Go whole hog on that shit. Ridin' that pagan justice into town and shit. Fuck. You spend any time in the joint, nigga?
 '''Chris:''' I ain't spent no time in no joint, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be lucky and shit, dog. No, no, y'all ain't be lucky and shit, y'all be white. That's what that shit is. A black man be like... turn 18, he go do two and a half in fuckin' C Block and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' Taste a lotta maple syrup in that time. Anyway dog, I be- What I be sayin' to you and shit, that background check, they ain't gonna see no... No white niggas on the Internet makin' fun a your... Your [[Pokémon]] fanfiction and shit. Y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeahhh, it- I feel you but-
 '''Lars:''' They ain't be holdin' that against you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but they have a lot more than just the, making fun of the, uh... Pokémon fanfiction. They got a lot more than that, I mean they claim- I mean they claim me... They- They mis- The trolls, they be throwin' around those bad labels on me, like... a [[Pedofork|pedophile]].
 '''Lars:''' Nigga y'all be- Y'all be missin' my point though. Nigga, you ain't spend no time up in the joint. Your background check should be golden shit. Y'all ain't got no problems and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but th- Yeah. But also, th- I do have po- [[Chris and the law|I do have a police record on file, uh, for... Couple- For...]]
 '''Lars:''' Oh, word?
 '''Chris:''' Couple of offenses... Yeah, I had a couple of [[police]] records on file-
 '''Lars:''' You be fightin' The Man and shit? Sheeeeeit, tell me all about it, dog, what you be doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Lars:''' You be takin' down po-po? Fuckin' 5-0 and shit? What you got? I'll swap stories with you, and shit. You go first, though.
 '''Chris:''' It be essentially, uh, just... Havin' a bad time and disagreements and what-not. With th- With this, uh- With [[Michael Snyder|this... dude]], down over at The GAMe- Over at [[The GAMe PLACe|The GAMe and HOBBY PLACe]]. He just be havin' his own gripe against me, and lookin' for a way- Lookin' for an excuse to ban me from his store, and then, and then... Then he did, so he banned me from the store, he... But he never wanted me to come back, and then I come back like about a year later askin' him- askin' if I can come back and he don't let me come back and... So I leave and then I come back next year and then, uh... Same thing again except worse, he act- he actually gives me- actually puts um... Officially on police record! Don't want- He don't want me... Trespassing on th- He don't want me, y'know, um, being anywhere near that place.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' He just- He just be all, afraid of me and shit like that. And plus also, I have like, uh, I've had like, uh, past- Past accusations of quote-unquote "soliciting", when I was out in my early days of my [[Sweetheart Search]] lookin' for- Lookin' for a woman of my own, be usin' a [[sign]], like you know, I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18-to-current-age-year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the- Just for the [[Sex|booty call]]! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang! They just misinterp- They just misunderstand me, and they handcuff me and everythang, they came- They handcuff me a couple a times, they drag me around, and [[Get-Tar Region|they even dogpile on me one time]], rub my head on the carpet, I be bleedin' out- I been bleedin' out left side of my forehead that day! Put me in the dang- Put me in the dang cop car and I get offended by the ambulaaaance, where they see that blood stain... Blood-soaked stain! Heaaaad wouuund, from that carpet burn on the left side of my forehead there!
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, nigga, a'ight, nigga. You get down wit' y'all bad self. Sheeeeit. Badass, you be stickin' it to 5-0 and shit! Tresspassin' and shit. I see, I feel ya, I smell ya, dog. Y'all be tresspassin', be shootin' it off to them white niggas. Shiiit. So y'all be tresspassin' on this here nigga's property to be stickin' it to that man and shit. That be what I feelin'? That be what you doin', dig?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeeeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so you-
 '''Chris:''' You be feelin' me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' So you all go tresspassin' and shit, you know you ain't welcome and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, "Fuck dat shit, I own that store! I'm a go stick that place up and shit! I'm a fuckin' bust a cap in his ass!" Y'all be like, "I ain't gives no fuck about right and wrong and shit!" Nigga in the city, dog. Niggas wonder why.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be poppin- Yeah I be poppin' a- I'd be poppin' a cap in that- In that old- In that old [[Michael Snyder]] ass, I tell you what. It's like, if and I had me, if I had me a real life gun but I don't have a real life gun, though like you know, all I got is my, uh... All I got is my [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mind]] wit, and uh, not mu- Not much else going on there. So it's like I don't really have much of an offense, as much as a defense, dog. And I, but-
 '''Lars:''' Lemme ax you-
 '''Chris:''' The only option there is just to split.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog-
 '''Chris:''' 'Til another thing, until I can actually go on the offense.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog. So you gonna take some nigga, and you gonna say like, "Bitch, this nigga be goin' down and shit." And you pick this, you pick this nigga, this nigga at this... This game store and shit. Why you pick this nigga to pick a fight with and shit?
 '''Chris:''' He- He- He picked-
 '''Lars:''' What about this nigga?
 '''Chris:''' He picked a fight with me first, he just had his own griefs, he just had his own griefs, his own gripes and scares against me. He be thinkin' I be like... He be thinkin' like y'know, I know... He be havin' his own weird accusations against me, probably thinkin' that I w- He probably... Damn troll [[Niggos|niggers]] who... Who damn throw the label of pedophile on me and damn ol' buncha shit offa him. He be throwin' all them labels on me and just lookin' for a damn excuse to kick me out of that store and ban me forever and the he- And then... And then he did find a damn excuse and it damn happened and they called tresspassin' and everthiiing.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all, y'all be goin' on property when you know you ain't- It be someone elses property and shit, and you be like, "Fuck that, I ain't give a shit about right and wrong! I ain't give a shit about what someone else wants! I ain't give a shit about no other nigga's property, and personal reliability, and safe-ety.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which-
 '''Lars:''' And personal responsibility.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which that- That ain't really his store, he's just rentin' on- He's just rentin' on that location! They just been rentin' there for a long time! It ain't really his-
 '''Lars:''' So he be payin' his rent and shit. So it be his store and shit, then. You be all like, "Fuck dat shit, I ain't give a shit 'bout no other nigga's property. I'm a take what I want and fuck all y'all niggas." Shit, dog, I be feelin' that. That be my gangsta life, in my teenage years, back when I be eight and shit. I be all like goin' up in the stores, and be like "What, nigga? What, you gonna kick me out cuz I stealin' shit? Cuz I be yellin' at people? Cuz I be screamin' my head off? Sheeeit. Fuck that shit, nigga! I do what I want!" Be some [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] up in here and shit. I feel ya, dog. You ain't gives no fucks.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Fuck that shit! Ain't give no shit if that be his store and what-not.
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, so you say you have a weakness with the offense, but you be good with the defense and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So let me ax you, some nigga come up in yo house and shit, and be all like, "Dude I wanna come up in here and shit." And y'all be like, "Shit, nigga. This be my house and shit, y'all ain't comin' up in here without no invitation and shit." And he be like, "''Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit'', nigga! I do what I want, I'm a call up on y'all house!" What ya'll gonna do? Some nigga come up in yo business.
 '''Chris:''' I ain't got no gun, I'll beat his ass, I'm pretty str- I'm very strong. I'd give him an ol' ''CLOP! CLOP! HIYA!''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' If that be the case... But I'd make sure that I be cool, dog, y'know, I'd make sure I started that, like y'know, he'd throw the first punch, and if he throw the first punch and I- Then I de-fennnnd, and I throw- And then I throw- Then I would punch back in defense!
 '''Lars:''' Then y'all be throwin' a trespassin' notice and shit on him. Ain't that the truth, nigga. Ain't y'all be, y'all be saltin' the wounds and shit. Puttin' a criminality record upon this nigga. Ain't that what y'all gon' do, dog. Sheeeit. Now I ain't never filed no trespassin' notice on any nigga what started shit with me. See I be a black man and shit, so the police, if you ever call the police when you a black man? They come and shoot your ass. They ain't givin' no fucks. You be white and shit. You can use the system against the system and shit. Y'all see what I mean and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah. I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Say yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Whole buncha damn- Whole buncha the damn racism that they been got goin' on, but I ain't like that. I be respec- I have respect for my black man. And I have respect for you, man, 'cause we cool.

===One Big Gray Nigga (57:30 - 1:04:30) ===
'''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me, y'all my nigga and shit, dog. Sheeeeit. Nigga be Prime Time up in here, dog. Shit. Fuck. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and in fact I enjoy- I the, uh, comedies- I enjoy the TV shows I get from the... From the black man, including [[Wikipedia:The Jeffersons|''The Jeffersons'']], and... [[Wikipedia:Bill Cosby|Bill Cosby]], and... [[Wikipedia:Sanford and Son|''Sanford and Son'']], all a' them. All them-
 '''Lars:''' ''Sanford and Son''???! Bitch, I know you ain't bring up ''Sanford and Son'', fuckin' sharecropper shit. Goddamn [[Wikipedia:Uncle Tom|Uncle Tom]] and shit. Sheeeit. Traitor to his race and shit, dog. All that spoon jockey [''?''] shit, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|blackface]]... [[Wikipedia:Bamboozled|''Bamboozled'']] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' I-
 '''Lars:''' All I see is sleepin' (?), that's what all that shit be. Fuck that shit, stereotypin' a nigga in a bad light and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, man I-
 '''Lars:''' Us niggas, we already got our trouble with the bad light and shit, 'cause we be all dark and shit. Ain't no light what can shine a good light on our dark skin and shit. Then you got the TV shows. Then you got the [[Wikipedia:HBO|H-B-O]] and shit. Fuckin' shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well man, I don't mean, I- Yeah I don't mean to jump no jive, man, I just be givin' a few examples of some of the shows I see. But I watch- I watch other shows too, where they- where they make GOOD examples of the- Of the black man and the black woman.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years of opression.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I-
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, know what I'm doin'? I'm holdin' up my fist in solidarity. Yo, nigga, hold up you fist for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You holdin' up yo fist, dog? Hope y'all ain't smilin' and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm holdin' up my fist, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be smilin' and shit, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Niggas, we can't be smilin'. That takes away... the gravitas of what we can do. See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be holdin'- I be holdin' up my f- I be holdin' up my fist in respect, dog. I-
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog. Yo, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hold it in respect.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' We cool.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, where all this shit come from? We be bulin' our- our ''velocity'' toward ''ferocity'' and toward ''audacity'' of hope and change and chope and shit. Fuckin' Big Bama's House up in here. A black nigga and a white nigga be mixin' and matchin', make ourselves one big gray nigga and shit. See what I doin', dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Fuckin' bridgin' the gaps of... Of ''inequality'', and ine- ''inequity'', and... ''ine-quali-equity'', and shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, this shit be all about Jackie and shit, though, dog. Jackie be all like, glarin' daggers at me and shit. I be like, "Bitch, only daggers I wanna see from you are those two daggers on yo' chest and shit, now take off your top while you be makin' me my steak dinner!" Bitch be all like, "Sheeeit, I burned myself last time I do that, nigga. Y'all want burn scars on this body?" I be like "Hell no, dog, you already got that [[Wikipedia:Caesarean section|C-section]] scar from where I aborted that baby!" Sheeeit, bitch all scarred up and used up already. So let's get back to Jackie and shit. Now, Jackie ain't be happy wit' y'all and shit. And Jackie ain't sure if she be happy wit' me and shit. So we gots to figure out, and numerate, and enunciate exactly why the ''posivericating'' is happenin' with this shit. Why the bitch be mad at you, and why the bitch be mad at me? We figure this out, dog, we figure this out, nigga. Brovaries before ovaries, dawg, you feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be all, like, you be lyin' to her and shit. And I feel that. I feel why she pissed about that shit. And as a advice, and... cautionary to you: Y'all ain't be lyin' to no bitch. Y'all can smack a bitch, y'all can punt a bitch, y'all be like "Bitch, I ain't doin' that shit" all up in her face and shit, but y'all ain't be lyin' to a bitch. 'Cause then the shit roll downhill. Shit be like a Hydra and shit, you cut one head off that bitch, two head grow back, you be lyin' to her. They catch you on that shit, they always do, nigga. Indeed! Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be mad cuz you be lyin' to her. And bitch be mad cuz you ain't gettin' rid a that addiction and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel ya, I tell you what, I- I'll make it right, I will make this right with Jackie, I tell you what, you tell her this from me too and I- and I'll promise it to you too, man, cuz we cool. I'll draw a parade for [[Alec]], and I'll make it like, you know, he was found innocent, like she wanted. I'll fix the pages and do it right for her.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that like, you know, within- within the next few days, and vid- and it'll be up, all colored and everything, be uploaded.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that for her.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog, shit, see now in the interest of camaraderie, and... niggaraderie, and all that shit. In the interest of all that shit, this gray nigga we be buildin', I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Also, in the interest of not bein' hypocrital, and hippocratical, I ain't takin' no [[Wikipedia:Hippocratic Oath|Hippiocratical Oath]] and shit. Because I be tellin' you not to be lyin' to no bitches, so I ain't can't be lyin' to you and shit. Y'all fell me, dog? I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel you. Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so, in the interest of honesty and total veracity, I must tell you that I am not a neutral party and shit. See, I burned my boats and shit 'cause I want Jackie back, dog. See? Bitch be all like, all up slobberin' on my dick and balls now, shit. Damn! See, I ain't be finna' gettin' ridda' my bitch, and shit. She be all like, ridin' my dick. She be all like, givin' me the oral play and shit. Fuckin' tongue action, finger play, y'all know that shit, sheeeeit. And the bitch be makin' me my steak dinner, 'cause I burned them boats. So, I ain't finna' be gettin' ridda' this bitch. I got a good bitch goin' here, y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all might wanna try winnin' Jackie back. I wish y'all best luck in the world. Cuz see, a'ight, honestly, veracitously, I gots to admit to you, I do think, yo, we are bros, but we still be competin', you dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' And I do feel like I have the advantage on you. Cuz my dick be all ''four inches'' a straight goodness and shit. Fuckin' straight as a ramrod and shit! That's what call me in high school when I be ramroddin' bitches, they call me "Ramrod". Better than "nigger". Better than "[[Wikipedia:Jim (Huckleberry Finn)|Nigger Jim]]," that's what that shit they be callin' me, I be like "My name ain't Jim! Call me "Nigga Lars" and shit!" "Nigga Lars"? That shit fine. "Nigga McNulty"? That shit be fine too, but they call me "Nigger Jim"! Who da fuck this "Nigga Jim" be? I ain't know... sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' That's- I tell ya, that's cool man, I praise you for being able to bang all them hos back in the high school days, I tell you what, I was [[naïve]] on the [[dating]] subject back in high school, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it! I was really slow, and I ev- and I even had a girl- I even had a girl crush back then. But then she done left me, she was out da- she was out dating with somebody else behind my back, I didn't even know about it. But she and I, we were tight!

===The Trail of Tears (1:04:30 - 107:50) ===
'''Lars:''' Shee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dog! So what y'all gonna do to win Jackie heart back and shit? Y'all gonna burn that PS Triple and shit. See, see I'ma feelin' that, because that seem like, like the equalizer, and the numerizer and shit, that you all be pullin' to one-up my burnin' my boats and shit. See I be burnin' my addiction, y'all gots to burn your addiction too. Y'all ain't gots to do it literally. I know white people be afraid of fire and shit, I know white people fear fire. See us black folk, we like fire, 'cause we all be like livin' tribal in the Unga Bungas, in Africa and shit. We be usin' fire to keep tigers away and shit! Tigers, man, damn. Tigers be racists and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well I feel you, man. I'm part [[Cherokee]].
 '''Lars:''' So, y'all got- Oh, dog, y'all part Cherokee? Y'all be part a them-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Them red niggas and shit? Sheeeit, I feel that, dog, I ain't know that about you. Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Wikipedia:Trail of Tears|Trail of Tears]] is in my history.
 '''Lars:''' [''talking over Chris''] What [[Wikipedia:Native American gaming|casino]] you from?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, all them Red Niggas, they be up in them casinos and shit. Ain't that right, dog? What casino you from? From that casino tribe-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah sound like a-
 '''Lars:''' From the Blackjack tribe? Whitejack tribe? The... Poker tribe? The Hold 'Em tribe? You from them-
 '''Chris:''' That just-
 '''Lars:''' Ain't got no tribes, y'all feelin' what I'm gettin' at.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I fe- Yeah I feel you, man, that's a- That's just a dang old stereotype, I'm not like one- I am not a Casino Ownah. I ain't no rich man. I mean, I di- I mean-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be unemployed and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be no Casino Nigga and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I ain't no Casi- I- I ain't no Casino Nigga. I mean, we be-
 '''Lars:''' See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my background, we be of the real- We be of the real Cherokee. From the Trail of Tears and all that. That's from my history.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, this be a perfect example of the injustice and inservitude and ingratuity of American history and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Lars:''' See, the red niggas, they be all like, the casino niggas and shit. And then, you come along, and you ain't be... You ain't be havin' no job in no casino, you ain't be havin' no job and shit. You all just be, sittin' on your couch and shit, jobless. And that totally defies the stereotype of the common red nigga, see? So them sterotypes, they be bullshit, 'cause everyone knows your red niggas, they all be hard-workin' and [[Alcohol|sober]] and shit. Ain't no stereotypes say otherwise. I hear there is, I'll eat my hat I tell you what. Sheeeeit. Fuck. Anyway, dog, where we at- I be waxin philosophimorical again. Sheeit. We be talkin 'bout- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, dog, it comin' back to me. What y'all gonna be doin' to win Jackie, y'all gonna be ''metaphorically'' burnin' your PS Triple and shit. That be right, dog? Is that what y'all gonna do? I be wishin you luck, dog, I be wishin' you luck. I be wishin' you luck and shit, man. Y'know, I'll be ramroddin' Jackie every night and every day, but I respect you, like my nigga. You're my bro and shit. And I want you to get what you deserve and shit. You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all gonna be gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. [''long pause'']

===A Tale of Two PS Triples (1:07:50 - 1:17:45)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah [[Slow-in-the-minds|my mind be slow]]] and I be uncertain of... everything here. And I definitely... I definitely feel ya and I'm not gonna say that I'm better than you, I'm not gonna say no- I'm not gonna say that. I mean you be- I mean you are- You be a big man, you burned all your boats, dog. I tell you what. But I mean- I spend my mo- I spend my money, I ain't gonna get that much back. I ain't gonna- I ain't gonna just kill it all by burning the dang PS3 because I already di- I pretty much essentially did that. By, uh... Like, [[The MovingFoward videos|pretty much dismantling the previous one I had]], [[ItIsFinished.MOV|and then just running it over]] with [[Son-Chu|my car]], there be videos on the [[YouTube]] about that.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, I saw that shit, you just- You destructicated your PS Triple, and then you get a new one back like a day later and shit. Why y'all go get a new PS Triple and shit, dog? Why destroy it in the first place?
 '''Chris:''' I tried to destroy it, dog, because... Them tr- Because, them trolls, and Jackie knew about it as well, they be offering NINE THOUSAND dollars for footage of the destruction of that PS Triple. And my- And Jackie thought like, you know, I give them th- I give them the footage and the real deal- I give them the real deal footage and what-not, they give- They, the trolls, they- THE troll, he be givin' me back the- He be givin' me that money, I be buyin' me a new PS Triple, she be cool with that, but then it don't happen, he- He fall back on his word, he don't do it, even though there were plans of meetings and what-not, it didn't happen, there was no money! I was-
 '''Lars:''' Where y'all get that money then? If there be no money, where y'all get that new PS Triple and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that be from my-
 '''Lars:''' I know all white folks be rich and shit, like at least moderately so and shit, but shiiit, you got that kinda cash around, you got that 'fetti? Where you get the money to buy that second PS Triple? That be like yo' Double PS Triple. Or yo' PS Double-Triple, if you will. Sheeeit. PS Triple-Double and shit. Where y'all get the money for that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that be where I sold the, uh, past- The older game consoles that I've hoarded over the years.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all go and destroy yo' PS Triple... Then like a day later y'all go and sell like every other game you got... So you can buy back... A PS Triple? [''pause''] Shit ain't gangsta, dog, why you be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' It does a lot more than games, dog! Does movies, does music, does pictures! Does the Internet! I mean pretty much at this time, the only way that I'd be able to access my e-mail, and send and receive, from Jackie and everybody el- From everybody.
 '''Lars:''' Why ain't y'all buy a new computer?
 '''Chris:''' Because damn computer expensive. I mean if I had known that was gonna happen I-
 '''Lars:''' PS Triple be expensive, dog!
 '''Chris:''' If I had known that was gonna have happened... I mean it happened at months- It happened- Just happened a month before- A whole month before my computer decided to go and do what it did to me, and become practically unusable and considerably deaaaaad.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, ain't y'all computer be all broken and shit for a long time, though? Ain't you know you need a replacement and shit?
 '''Chris:''' No, because-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be tellin' me that she heard some... Some call where you talked to that Alec Benson Nigga guy. I don't know this guy. You talked to him, and he be askin' you why you ain't do somethin' with your computer. I ain't know what. Why you ain't interneting or somethin'. Us black folk, we ain't know this Internet. He ask you that, why you ain't doin' this, and you said your computer be busted and shit. You tell him the same thing you tell Jackie like a year later. Why you ain't replace the computer in all that time, though? Y'all know the computer be busted, but y'all go and buy a PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' Because the computer was working for me. It wasn't as busted as it was- As it had become a month later.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all didn't think ahead and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all knew the computer was on its last legs and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my- Yeah, my bad, I did not think ahead. I thought things'd be cool, but then it turned out they weren't. It... Damn whole buncha twist of fate and everything. Be all up my ass.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga, nigga, nigga, let me give you a metaphorical illusion, if I will, if I may, if you will.
 '''Chris:''' It's cool.
 '''Lars:''' Now, picture your computer like... Like a twenty-nine-year-old nigga and shit. A'ight, now your computer be like a twenty-nine-year-old nigga. You know what kinda life expectancy a twenty-nine-year-old have on the streets? Zero point zero-zero-zero-four percent, to the power of twelve, to the oneth power. That shit be low and shit. So your computer, in a metaphorical sense, be like a nigga who be facin' his be three-oh and shit. And that nigga gonna get capped and shit, dog! Sheeeeeit. Ain't gonna be no fake gun bringin' up in the Starbucks next time. Nigga gonna get capped. Streets be a lottery and shit, dog. So that computer, y'all know that computer be like a twenty-nine-year-old nigga. See, that computer be functionating and pre-vericating and shit. Just like that twenty-nine-year-old nigga be, in the prime of his life with them ripplin' muscles and shit. But a cap gonna come outta mid air, and shot yo' fuckin' computer in the back of the head when he in line at the [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeye's Chicken]]. And that be all she wrote, nigga. That be all she wrote. Ain't no [[Wikipedia:Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman|Dr. Quinn]] gonna save this nigga up in here, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeit. So that computer be on its last life, and y'all, y'all know that even though it fuctionin' fine today, that computer get a cap in its ass tomorrow. God gonna fire a cap in that computer's ass. And y'all be knowin' that, but y'all ain't replacin' that, but then y'all PS Triple die, because you killed it. You be murderin' that PS Triple, you be murderin' it in cold blood, like, like it be a nigga what wronged you, what didn't pay you your drug money and shit. So you kill that PS Triple, and then you all go and buy a new PS Triple the next day. But you got your computer here, which need to be replaced, your computer which you use to talk to Jackie. But you can't talk to Jackie no more. You just play your games. Y'all be feelin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' So you see, dog, see Jackie be mad because y'all- Y'all be takin' playin' vidya games over talkin' to a real life woman. Sheeeit. I feel her pain and shit. I feel her commissary and commissaratin' and shit. Ain't no PS Triple what got no poontang, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeeeit. Damn! So why y'all... Why y'all pick a PS Triple, over my Jackie Triple? Why y'all be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well... ''(Pause for stress)'' Now look, okay dog, I can- Uh... I will still be able to talk to Jacke through the email with the PS Triple, anyway... With the- AIM, uh... Anyway, I- Anyway, I be gettin' a new computer soon enough, and I be back to- I'll be able to talk to Jackie through AIM if, y'know, she'd be willing to.
 '''Lars:''' But lemme ax you, dog. Now, your PS Triple be gone, and "soon enough" means, like, a day. But, your computer, you means of communication with Jackie and shit, that be gone, but "soon enough", that amount to like months and shit. That be like the whole trimester of a pregnancy what pass by and shit. Shit, I ain't even let this much time pass by before I evacuated that fetus in her belly. Sheeeeeeeit. That be a bigger decision than any PS Triple, I tell you what.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' Why y'all go and replace the PS Triple, even though Jackie don't want you to have that addiction?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' It's an addiction that I will be able to... get over easily enough... when I actually have the woman nearby me. Why-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be-
 '''Chris:''' If I- Yeah, you know, I be havin' me- I'll be havin' the woman next to me, and I'd be treatin' her right, I'd be investing more time into her... Right next to me, instead of bein' over the Internet, because I ain't got no power over the Internet, really, Internet just don't work, I- I'm scared to go on the Internet, really, because of the damn trolls, it's real life and- It's real life or bust for me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' But... But dog, okay, dog, I be feelin' that. Them Internets, they be a scary place and shit, especially for a nigga. Sheeeeit. Ain't no fourth dimension and shit up on that Internet what no nigga like myself gonna walk up into, you feelin' me? Sheeit. Shit like a minefield and shit. Damn, dog. But Jackie, see, Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I know you know I want you gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. Shit be like a black hole of addiction and shit, suckin' up your life." And see, what I don't get is why y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple, because that shit is no good for you. And you gettin' rid a that shit, even if Jackie ain't exist and shit, even if Jackie ain't up on my dick and shit, then you get rid of that PS Triple... You a born-again man. You a new man for gettin' rid a that shit. See, I burned my boats and shit before I even called Jackie, because I knew even if Jackie be all rejectin' me and shit, I'd be a new man for gettin' ridda my addiction. I be a strong man and shit. Show me your strength, nigga. Y'all be feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' Word, dawg. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

===Downtism (1:17:45 - 1:23:05)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Uhh, alright listen, we be havin' a cool conversation, it's been good, um... Let me, uh, talk- Let me talk to Jackie for a little while.
 '''Lars:''' Let's see if that bitch be around. ''(Pretends to walk around)'' Yo bitch! Bitch, where you be at?! Now hold on, dog. Sheeeeit, where that bitch at? Hold on... Checkin' the kitchen and shit. Fuck, meatloaf only half-done and shit. Bitch can't even make a meatloaf and shit and steak and shit at the same time? Damn. Used up bitch, poontang and shit. What the- oh, the fuck that smell be? Aw, fuck- Bitch, I told you not to go to that [[Taco Bell]] and shit no more! Shit ain't gangsta! Sheeeit. ''(Back to Chris)'' Bitch be all like, makin' number two and shit right now, she ain't comin' out for a whiiile, let me tell ya that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-ohhhh.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' That be- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' See now dog, y'all got to feel my pain and shit. See y'all just be hearin' about it, I gots to smell it and shit. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya- I get it, I- I can- I hear you, be all-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all know how strong the sense of smell on a nigga is? Y'all be a white nigga and shit, I be a black nigga. See us wide nostrils, we smell like three times what you smell and shit. See, my nostrils, that be like my PS Triple because it's triple the smell power of your... Your thin, white nostrils. Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I hear you, dog, I know what- I know what crap smells like and how it comes out. ''(Clears throat)'' Excuse me.
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't gonna get rid a that PS Triple for Jackie and shit? That be, that be my... confuzzlation and shit. ''(Pause)'' See, dog, y'all be like... Lemme put it how I see it, and then I'll wait for yo' responsification. See, all I see, is y'all be saying that y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple 'til Jackie be by your side and shit. See y'all be wantin' Jackie to be like, watchin' you, and to be like, houndin' you, and to ''substitutionalize'' for that PS Triple and shit. But y'all ain't wanna be gettin' rid a that shit just for yo' own damn self. ''(Pause)'' You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog. Righteous. Righteous and shit. See Jackie, Jackie be feelin' all hurt and shit 'cause y'all ain't wanna improve yourself. Y'all know how fleetin' life is and shit, nigga? Life be fleetin' and shit, even for a white nigga. White nigga can expect to live past 30. Black man can't, but a white man can.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. ''(Pause)''
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't improvin' yourself, dog? ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' To be honest, I- I really- To be honest... I just don't know. ''(Pause)'' It's pretty much, you know, I had my- My mind is so slow, and... It be- I just be fear of change, and... It just hard- It's just hard for- It's just really hard for me and my... Mental- And my mental capacity to... To go through a whole bunch of change so quickly.
 '''Lars:''' Ah, I see, cuz a that [[Autism|Downtism]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' No it-
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' The- It- Not Down syndrome, ''autism''.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, the Downtism. That be what I- Yeah. Shit. Anyway, dog, so what y'all sayin' is, ya got ya vidya games, and Jackie, she be like a woman, with the poontang and shit, and a meatloaf and steak dinner, and y'all be afraid of that. Y'all stick wit' your video games, cuz that all ain't makes you afraid like a woman do.
 '''Chris:''' What- NO. I'm not- I am not afraid of a- I am not afraid of a woman.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, y'all ain't wanna give up PS Triple for a woman though. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris grunts. It's safe to speculate that he has shit himself by this point.)''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'', lemme think. ''(Chris thinks for like 30 seconds)''
 '''Lars:''' Nigga you gruntin' or some shit. Shit, dog, y'all be at Taco Bell and shit too, like my Jackie?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Umm... No, I- I did not go to Taco Bell today.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, what you eat, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had me a- I had me a [[McDonald's|fish fillet]] tonight.
 '''Lars:''' Shit... ain't no nigga be eatin' no fish. Y'all know us niggas be afraid of water and shit. Why y'all be gruntin', dog? Shit not be settlin' in your stomach and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. ''(Long pause)'' I'unno.

===Remember Kenan & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08)===
'''Lars:''' So dog, a'ight, a'ight, let's get back, let's get back. Why y'all... Y'all say you ain't afraid of no woman, and y'all want a woman, but... But yo' actions, and even what you just say to me now, show that you want a vidya game more than a woman. I GUESS I feel that shit, y'know what- I lost my virginity at the age of ten and a half. And ever since then I be all up in the poon tang. I be like a poon hound and shit. See I ain't play no vidya games since like, Atari, and shit. Shit be old school.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Back then everything black and white, not just race politics, see? Y'feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So you know, dog, my first time be scary and shit, I only make that bitch cum like two and a half times. See I be all performance anxiety and shit, but I got through it. Y'all gots to be a MAN and shit. Man up. Y'all gots- Y'all be a man? Or y'all be a boy. What y'all be? ''(Pause while Chris decides)''
 '''Chris:''' I be a man.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, see what I'm feelin', and rightfully, righteously, ''rightatiously'' I should not be tellin' you this, because this hurts my chances and shit. But I will tell you in the interest of bros before hos, that if you got rid of that PS Triple, you got rid of it and you never buy another one, Jackie'd probably kick my black ass out the door and shit. You get rid a that PS Triple, I be out on the street, and Jackie be on your doorstep first thing tomorrow morning and shit. That's all the bitch talk about when she talk about you, is the PS Triple. "PS Triple this, PS Triple that." Well sometimes she talked about the lies and shit too, but mostly the PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah... I hear ya, it's- It's a lot. Alright, well- Listen, it's a bit late, and uh... I wanna be gettin' me a good night's- I wanna be gettin' me a good night's sleep. Cuz, you know, gonna be another day tomorrow.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight, I feel you. Yo, yo, dog, yo dog. You know what I'm doin' right now? Now what I'm doin'?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Lars:''' Holdin' up my fist, dog. Solidarity! Peace, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit. So y'all got your vidya games, Jackie- She be all up in that toilet, like another hour or two, shit... I'll tell her to wipe her ass and them come jump on my dick and shit. I'll be like all up in that poontang. Yo, I'll write you an email and shit, tell you all about that poon tang. And you write me an email tellin' me about y'all video games, that way we can exchange and learn from each other's culture, see 'cause I- I be like with a woman and shit, and I can tell you what that be like. And you be playin' vidya games, which I ain't familiar with, and then tell me what it be like to just be playin' video games in your room all day.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause, not getting it)'' Hm.
 '''Lars:''' See, we each have our diferent priorities. See, you want your video games and I want Jackie. I wanna be with Jackie. See dog- Dawg, dawg, dawg, now... I'll let you go soon, I'll let you go soon, cuz I know you tired and shit. I know white people like to go to bed before midnight. But let me ax you something, one more question real quick. I be your nigga and shit, you be my nigga. Y'all be honest and straightforward with me. Now-
 '''Chris:''' I be honest and straightforward.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, now y'all be sayin' to Jackie that you want Jackie and shit. Y'all be sayin' to everyone out there that you want Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' More than anything. But the situation-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I want Jackie more than anything.
 '''Lars:''' The situation be like, you ain't givin' up no vidya games for her. Y'all just want your vidya game. So you can tell me, bro. Tell me, my nigga... Y'all really want Jackie or not? Or do y'all want your vidya games more than you actually want Jackie, if you want Jackie? You can be honest with me now-
 '''Chris:''' I want Jackie- I want Jackie and I want to be able to keep my video games.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeit, dog, that ain't always an option. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Or as we say in nigga culture, "Can't have your [[Wikipedia:Grape soda|grape soda]] and drink it too." Cuz see, black people don't eat cake. It's that devil food, it-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like [[Wikipedia:Orange soft drink|orange soda]].
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, orange soda. That be what white people drink.
 '''Chris:''' You remember [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']]? That was a funny sh- That was a fun show.
 '''Lars:''' Who the fuck Kenan & Kel? That the nigga that owe me money? You tell that fuckin' nigga to give me my fifteen dolla'! You see that nigga? Sheeeit, fake nigga if ever there was one. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' No, I- I'm talking about the show that was on [[Wikipedia:Nickelodeon (TV channel)|Nickelodeon]].
 '''Lars:''' Nickel-lo... What the fuck do that be? That be one of them [[Wikipedia:Nickelodeon (movie theater)|nickel and dime theaters]] from the [[1920s]] and shit? Fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Flapper|flappers]] and shit, [[Homos|women with short hair]]? Sheeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yea- Alright, well I'll let you- Alright, well I'll let you go, it's been- It's been cool hangin' with ya. You my nigga- ''(Lars talks over Chris)''
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, I'ma go fuck Jackie now. I'll talk to you soon, dog, we'll be in touch and shit. Nice meetin' you and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, alright.
 '''Lars:''' Goodnight, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFNyMfrTc_M&feature=related Listen On Youtube]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga]]

Lars Call

2012-01-08T03:25:21Z

Mrpickles:

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]

{{quote| I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18-to-current-age-year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the- Just for the booty call! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang!|[[Chris]], talking like a [[niggo]]}}

{{quote|I want [[Jackie]] and I want to be able to keep my [[video games]].|[[Chris]], torn between two loves}}

The '''Lars Call''' was a ninety-minute phone conversation on 6 [[November 2010]] where Chris talked with [[Jackie]]'s [[Niggos|black]] [[JERKS|ex-boyfriend]] [[Lars]], discussing addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris got comfortable with [[Wikipedia:Ebonics|Ebonics]], and hilarity ensued. Near the end of the call, Lars mentions he's going to have [[sex]] with Jackie, and Chris completely misses what he just said as he hangs up the phone, once again proving how dense Chris really is.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion, thanks to Lars.
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]].
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]].
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|<s>Down Syndrome</s> Downtism]].
* Chris whines about [[trolls]], not getting a [[job]], and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him.
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say [[Niggos|"nigga"]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|out of context.]]
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his [[comic]]. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls.
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]]; Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Bason Nigga]]".
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving he did]].
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's nigga.
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]".
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore.
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his [[PS3]] (at least it wasn't [[Patti]]).
* Lars spent nine months as a volunteer at a hospital, enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying.
* More bitching about [[trolls]].
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass.
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call.
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to [[ban]] Chris.
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[100_2278|strong]] and would kick their ass (but only if they hit first).
* Chris likes black people on [[TV]]. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes ''Sanford & Son''. They both hold up their fists in black solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right.
* Lars tells Chris that his [[dick]] is four inches of straight goodness.
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in [[High School]].
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" and beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her.
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead.
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit, courtesy of [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]].
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women. Chris denies it.
* Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself.]]
* Chris didn't have [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]], he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 8; he was scared, so he only made the bitch cum twice.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris's doorstep the following day.
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, he will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, he wants Jackie AND [[video games]].
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]].
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
===Stats===
* The word "nigga" is used 185 times.
* "Shit" is used 554 times.
* "Yo" is used 46 times.

==Transcript==

===You Are Now About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge (0:01 - 7:00)===
'''Jackie:''' [''In shrill, forced enthusiasm''] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' ...Oh... Jackie... Hi.
 '''Jackie:''' Well I got your email!-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Yeah. Oh, uhhh. Yep. What's a... What's... a... [''sounds of frantic typing''] what's... a what's... uh, your response there?
 '''Jackie:''' Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Jackie:''' -two boys play nice, ok?
 '''Chris:''' Um, ok.
 '''Jackie:''' Lars!
 '''Lars:''' YO! [[Women's rights|BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!]]
 '''Chris:''' ...hmm, hello?
 '''Lars:''' Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, this is Christian.
 '''Lars:''' Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?
 '''Lars:''' Doin' alright, nigga. Shit. Yo, I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all pro'lly felt the same way, and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: "Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit." So I be like doin' the call and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dawg-
 '''Chris:''' ...Ye-
 '''Lars:''' -what you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own up to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pour libations and shit for that baby, I tell ya what.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga, now. You dig, you feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.
 '''Lars:''' Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any [[Recycling|nasty habits]] and shit there Chris?
 '''Chris:''' N-nasty habits?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model [[Wikipedia:Planes, Trains and Automobiles|planes, and trains, and automobiles]] maybe? Anything that be weighing you down, and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah-
 '''Lars:''' We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Oh... okay, well I did have [[CWCville|a whole city]] made out of [[Lego]]s that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-
 '''Lars:''' Huh, y'all done got a city of [[Lego]]s and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. [[Wikipedia:United States twenty-dollar bill|Jackson]] and [[Wikipedia:United States ten-dollar bill|a Hamilton]] and shit, goin' to [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeyes Chicken]] with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeyes and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have felt that way before.
 '''Lars:''' Tell me all about it, dog.

=== Slow Times at Manchester High (7:00 - 12:30)===
'''Chris:''' Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of [[gal-pals|friends]] back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave [[Chesterfield County]] where I was going to [[high school]] and move back [[Ruckersville]]. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through seventh grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "[[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]]" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my [[autism]] and considerable [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mindedness]], that has happened to me before.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...
 '''Chris:''' Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on [[Wikipedia]].
 '''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that [[Wikipedia:Down syndrome|Down syndrome]] and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down syssdrome, it's way different from Down syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].
 '''Lars:''' Be more like that [[Asperger's]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Lars:''' I ain't know anyone with that Asperger's, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So you got them Asperger's and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, she’s, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ [[Wikipedia:House slave|house nigga]]. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear you. [[Barb|My-my mom]]-it happens between my mom and [[Bob|dad]]. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.
 '''Lars:''' Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m [[Niggos|a black man]], so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and [[Jackie]]. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear-
 '''Lars:''' Shit ain't [[Wikipedia:Cornbread|cornbread]].
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y'all know why Jackie wasn't happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my [[computer]] went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, AIM and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to [[YouTube]] for her, which I have done, and, uh-
 '''Lars:''' A’ight, a’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y'all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Lars:''' You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' -she asks?
 (pause)
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about [[Book10Replacement|that fuckin’ comic video]]. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to YouTube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car lately.

===Turf Wars (12:30 - 16:00)===
'''Lars:''' I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, [[troll]]in' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.
 '''Chris:''' Eh.
 '''Lars:''' Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.
 (Pause)
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a Internet bullies, and cyberbullies. Trolls.
 '''Lars:''' What is-
 '''Chris:''' [''interjecting''] They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a Internet celebr- Internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic]], in my comics and whatnot. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog. I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' They get a whole bunch of footage from me and they just twist it and turn it the wrong way and just make my-and they just smear my once good name in the mud. Makes it very hard for me to get a job of my own with the background checks. Then-and they pretty much Google my-Google my name and all you get was, uh-all you get’s pretty much, other than the first, and their sole results is, uh, damn [[CWCki]] and uh, damn [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and that’s just a whole bunch of weigh-me-downs-
 '''Lars:''' I feel ya, I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] –bad about me.
 '''Lars:''' That fuckin’ man hold a nigga down. Shit, I’ve been living that shit, whole life and shit. Damn. Fuckin’ niggas tryin’ to hold a nigga down. Yo yo, yo-
 '''Chris:''' You know, Lars-
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo, let m-oh, no no, you go ahead, dawg. You go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Lars:''' You go on with your righteous self.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, they also misla-they also mislabel me as a [[homos]]exual when I am a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Homosexual and shit? Damn. Like on the [[Wikipedia:Down-low (sexual slang)|DL]]?
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Lars:''' That what they say?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they be calling me- yeah, they be calling me gay. But I'm a- but I'm a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Man, I know these niggas. Y'all like, they be all like men who have sex with men an' shit? They call themselves gay, but I'm like, nigga, you be gay if you be having sex with men. I mean, what that shit about? Fuckin' gay niggas, ain't wanna admit they gay. You know that gay shit, though, I think it's that, that macho shit. Ain't no black man want to admit to being a gay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Dawg.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] Yeah, yeah plus you know what also, you know along those lines what really ticks me off is when they-when they use the word "gay" when the word means "stupid" or "retarded."
 '''Lars:''' Shit. All be like when niggas be using the word nigga an' shit. That be our word and shit, ain't no one got the right to use that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You know how that feels 'an shit, it hurts me. Right here. Right fucking here.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' I be tappin' my chest, where my heart muscle is? You can't see it 'cause we on the phone, but that's what I be doin'. To enunciate my point. So.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' What you sayin' is, when people call you gay, that be hurting you the same way, 'cause "gay" be like your word. Just like "nigga" be like my word, an' shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Essentially, yeah, I know.

===The Alec Bason Nigga Parade (16:00 - 26:43)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo, dog, dog. Let me, let me go back, let me ax you. Ya'll say you be drawin' comics and shit, what kind of comics you draw, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ugh, it's uh, from a idea I had. Uh, in a nutshell it's essentially combining [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Called him, uh, [[Sonichu]]. And that's all--he's like this, he actually goes on the adventures and whatnot, similar to Sonic the Hedgehog in one, he's got like electric powers and he can run fast and everything. They, and he hangs around, he hangs around, goes out with [[Rosechu|his girlfriend]] and uh, yeah, eventually they get married and uh, they have [[Sonee & Rosey|children]].
 '''Lars:''' Shit, be like [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie comics]] and shit. Y'know, I always though Archie be [[Homos|gay]] an' shit. Fuckin' Archie.
 '''Chris:''' N-no-
 '''Lars:''' [[Wikipedia:Archie Bunker|Archie Bunker]] with his negativity, fuckin' callin' people nigger. Gooks. Swanks. Wanks. Negros. All of his [[Wikipedia:Jughead Jones|jughead]] remarks, shit. Fuckin' Archie. That be like what [[Sonichu (comic)|your comic]] is like, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean essentially, that would be what it would've been, but then I, then that, I kind of like lost track of when the trolls, the uh, the [[trolls]], [[Chris and English|the typos]], and then [[WeighIn|they weighed me, they weighed me down.]] And then they, then you know the expression, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Well, they used to get on my mind so much that they get, then I end up drawing them into my comic books, making them into villains, and yadda-yadda-yadda. They just, they just...and they just essentially just worsened my... most of my books. And then-
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally-
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered adulterous. Even some, even some-
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Even some-
 '''Lars:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Even some [[nudes|naked]] things I had but I, I just up and did. You know.
 '''Lars:''' You ain't be drawing your comic because these, 'cause these white niggas what be hatin' on your work. They be drinkin' all that Haterade. That why you ain't be drawing. I see.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Aw shit, dog! That be why Jackie asked you to do the comic and shit! Shit, it all falls together now, the last puzzle piece in place. Cracka, you know if you stop that it means they win, right? Ya'll gots to get up on that comic and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I real, yeah, I really do need to get back to drawing more, drawing more p, drawing more comics and pages. But I just haven't been able to find the inspiration. They weighed me down so bad they just affe-, they just affected (?) me in the back of my mind and my subconscious.
 '''Lars:''' 'Em dog Jackie be telling me she thought she'd be your inspiration and shit. Ain't that the case and shit? What be goin' on then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she, yeah, she did-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be all like...Jackie be all like "Aw shit, nigga!" That's what she said to me, she said "Aw shit, nigga! Why ain't Chris be drawin' no comic for me? Ain't I no inspiration and shit? Dayum!" And I'll be like "Damn, bitch! Go make me my steak dinner!" Bitch be ballin' and shit. Fuckin' smack a ho... shit keeps up. Why you ain't draw the comic and shit for her?
 '''Chris:''' Y-y-you can't, you can't exactly rush inspir- you can't exactly rush inspiration, for... uh... for one thing.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo! But ain't, ain't my bitch Jackie, ain't she give you the story and shit for this comic vidya?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she gave me the idea of, like uh, for uh, for the, for uh, one dude who originally was definitely not original part of the comic scene, but then he did his [[parody]] against me, and uh, in his comic he portrayed killing me and, they're like getting to war (?) go against me and uh, even, even agreeing with this, even agreeing with this guy who pretends, who uh, pretends to be me and... (sigh). Just more, whole bunch of more shit right there. Anyway, what, anyway what she wanted me to throw him a- she wanted me to throw like a parade in a, in a, in a... in the comic, in my comic scene. And you know, like, you know, I mean he did what he did to me in his comics and I took it literally. It's like, you know, he fuckin', he fuckin' just shot, he fuckin' just, a whole bunch of bullet wounds in one go on my, on my, on myself. And I ain't gonna throw him a parade on that, on that, on that scene and whatnot.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, I feel you angry an' shit, dog, I feel you furious an' shit. You furious at this nigga. An' I feel it. You know, dog-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be talkin' to me. Jackie be sayin', ain't the problem that you hate this nigga. Problem be, that you lie to her and tell her you gonna do it when you ain't mean to. What up with that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause)'' Well, I have told her that I was eh-I would not be giving him a parade but she just insisted on that and she just, uh, and I would, I would say that she just, kind of like, got in her mind that, she thought that was that-I was definitely going to do that, even though-
 '''Lars:''' My shoulder, Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Told her-
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo dog, yo dog, my shoulder, Jackie. She be all like, she email you and ax you to do this video an' shit, an' then you email her back and say, "Yeah bitch, ain't no problem an' shit, I'll be doin' that." Ya'll ain't made no, no... no prov-ver-acations an' shit. Ya'll ain't made no provesations.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well, I mean that, I told her I would, that I would draw her the pages, but I did not tell her that I was going to throw him- throw him a parade in the pages because I had said that I was not giving him a fucking parade.
 '''Lars:''' She said she wanted a parade an' shit, and then you write back saying you were gonna do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' I mean I feel her anger. I feel her righteousness and shit. Lie or omission, still be a fuckin' liar and shit. Ya'll dig, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man, y'all got anger and shit, and I feel that. I feel that, I really do and shit nigga, but y'all got to stand up to yo' woman and shit, damn! Woman be tellin' you to do shit, y'all ain't just be lyin' to her. You gots a problem wit' yo' woman, you ain't lie to her, then all you got's two problems. Ya dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid? ''[[China|Pussy]].''
 '''Chris:''' How often-
 '''Lars:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' How often do I get laid?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, when the last time you cut some trim and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hm... I'm actually a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]].
 '''Lars:''' Aw, shit, dog. Explains that anger and shit. This be why you angry at them trolls.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, among other things.
 '''Lars:''' Shit dog, see- See dog, you be lyin' to women and shit, they ain't like that. Man, you ain't wanna do what no woman tells you to do, you just tell her straight up to her face. Then you have her go make you a steak dinner and shit. But you ain't lie to her and shit. Shit ain't gangsta. Shit be straight busta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did tell her straight- I did tell her straight up that I was not gonna be throwing that- I was not gonna be throwin' him a fuckin' parade. I was not gonna draw him in a parade.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over each other)'' Yo dog, I be looking at printouts and shit. Y'all know us niggas don't be doin' too well on the Internet, Jackie be printin' out printouts and shit for me. Yo I be lookin' at printouts and shit. And...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' In the email, she said, "Hey Chris, why don't y'all do that parade video for that, Alec... Alec Bason... Nigga, whatever his name is. Alec Bason Nigga. And then you say, "Sure Jackie, I'll be on that shit!" Y'all ain't make not protestations. why ain't y'all say nothing then?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. Well-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all said you gonna do it. Ya'll not mean to do it. You feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, tommorow, to let you know, uh- This, it was essentially, in the replacement pages where I do not, uh, end up, I do not end up giving Alec a gory- and his crew, a gory demise, like I did originally. ''(Pause)'' I did not-
 '''Lars:''' Yo, bitch Jackie said to throw this nigga a parade. You say "a'ight, I'm a do that." Then you didn't. ''(Pause)'' You be lyin' to women and shit often, dog? This be why you still a virgin and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Lars:''' Smellin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' No- No, it's... ''(Sigh)'' Well... Wait a minute, ''(Sigh)'' My brain- I gotta catch up my brain, here. Mm.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight. I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause; some grunting heard while Chris catches up his brain)''
 '''Lars:''' ''(At Jackie:)'' Yo bitch don't burn that [[Wikipedia:Casserole|casserole]]! Fuckin' bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Lars:''' Hold- Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, you still there?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Yeah dog, I be here. I be wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well. Well, I do not mean to, I did not mean to lie to her, but I did tell her straight up that I did not- That I had no intention of throwing that... Of throwing that dude a parade.
 '''Lars:''' Nah dog, I be lookin' at the emails, she said to throw him a parade, you say you gonna do it. You ain't say "I ain't throwin' a parade."
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah well I told- Yeah I mean I told her I did not wanna throw him- throw him- throw him a parade.
 '''Lars:''' When you tell her this shit, I ain't see this shit. When you tell her you ain't throwin' a parade? I need some help and shit, dog, I ain't feelin' where you at.
 '''Chris:''' Well, maybe uh...
 '''Lars:''' Gots ourselves a... discommunication.
 '''Chris:''' I- Yeah... I think it was discommunication.
 '''Lars:''' No I mean between us and shit dog, I ain't feeling where you at. 'Cause I see the emails and shit, she say throw a parade for the nigga. You say a'ight. But you ain't mean a'ight.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I said- Well I said alright in drawing the replacement pages.
 '''Lars:''' You said a'ight to the whole email though.
 '''Chris:''' But I did not-
 '''Lars:''' You ain't pick out bits and pieces, and say yes to this, and no to that. That's why I'm- I be confused, I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah uh-
===Fueling the Fire (26:43 - 28:30)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, let me relate a cautionary tale an' shit. Shit, shit happened way back in Jackie an' I first relationship and shit. Man, bitch be all like, "Lars, you best be gettin' rid of them boats, lest I bounce and shit," and I be like, "A'ight, a'ight dog, I'll be gettin' ridda my boats and shit, shorty. Shit, you'll see and shit. Damn!" Then the bitch was like, "A'ight, you be gettin' rid of them boats, I don't wanna see no boats here in forty-eight hours." I'll be like, "A'ight." I ain't mean to get ridda them boats. I just went out and bought mo' boats. Shit, bitch was all like, "Lars, you need to lose boats. Y'all be like, addicted and shit. You need to stop buyin' boats and shit." I be like, "A'ight" every fuckin' time. Every fuckin' time. I just payin' the bitch [[Wikipedia:Lip service|lip service]] and shit. Soon enough, whole fuckin' house fulla boats and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I ain't ever mean to get ridda them boats, I just keep buyin' more boats. Y'all ever had anything like that shit? Someone want you to get ridda somethin', you say "a'ight"? Then you don't, and you just keep gettin' more? Fuckin' addiction, and shit. Fueling the fire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Be like slavery, fueling them flames of injustice and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Once you got that shit, can't stamp it out, and shit. Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all feel me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you. Hm. Alright well-
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, anyway-
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga? Whoa, whoa, dog. Who my nigga? Ya'll be my nigga, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Y'all be my nigga? Say it, dog. Say you my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... I'll be yo nigga.

===Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeit. Dog be righteous and shit, up in here. Be all gangsta and shit. Nigga, I ain't expect this shit, y'all an me. We be homies and shit. Damn. I ain't know why Jackie wanna get rid a yo ass. That's what I'm tryin'a find out an' shit. 'Cause I'm confuzzled. Might be this lyin' and shit, maybe that be why she all mad at you an' shit. Might be somethin' else, I dunno. Anything else? What's goin' on there? ''(Pause)'' How much y'all love Jackie and shit?
 '''Chris:''' How mu- I- I love- I love- I care and love Jackie a lot.
 '''Lars:''' How much? How much- you love her more than what? Put it into quantintative terms and shit. ''(Pause)'' I'll be like-
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Lars:''' I'll be like- Every night, I be like, "Jackie, I love yo ass more'n the moon an' shit. I would throw away the moon an' shit, Death Star that shit! Fuck. Ain't need to tides an' shit. All I need's my Jackie." Feelin' me? Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What'd y'all give up for that bitch?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well I mean, I'll give up- I mean I would give up most anything for... for Jackie and me to be together.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, she ever ask... ax you to be givin' up shit for her? ''(Pause)'' She ask me to give away my boats and shit. I be all like, refusin' an' shit, first time around. Shit be what burned our relationship. That and the whole fetus thing. Shit. Bitch ain't never gonna let me live that shit down. Be all harpin' on me, every time she serve me dinner and shit. Suckin' my dick, all I hear be like ''(Does impression of Jackie's dick-muffled voice)'' "Lars, why you kill my baby?" Fuckin' bitch. Yo, dog, I be digressin' and shit. Y'all my nigga, y'all gots to be cuttin' me off when I do that. Ten to wax philosophical and shit. My bad. My bad. Let's go back to that question and shit. What y'all givin' up for Jackie? ''(Pause)'' Thinka she like [[Wikipedia:Lent|Lent]] and shit, what you givin' up?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, If I had the moon I would give that up for her as well.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. Be all... poetical. Metaphorical and shit. Poetaphorical. Shit be romance, all [[Wikipedia:Hallmark Cards|Hallmark]] greetin' cards and shit. Bitches love that. Bitches be slobberin' all up on yo balls and dick when they hear that shit. Damn! ''(Pause)'' Practical terms, though, what y'all givin up for her? Like, like the metaphorical, I be givin' up the moon for the bitch. I ain't own the moon and shit. I ain't got no [[Wikipedia:Death Star|Death Star]]. Ain't no [[Wikipedia:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|Empire]] gonna let no nigga in charge of a Death Star an' shit. Even that biggest galaxy nigga in the world, [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] and shit, turned out to be pasty fuckin' white dude underneath. Shit. [[Wikipedia:Lando Calrissian|Lando Calrissian]], fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Uncle Tom|Uncle Tom]] and shit. Sellin' out a nigga to the Empire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What y'all givin' up? I gave up my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I actually, uh...
 '''Lars:''' I burned them boats!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Ashes to ashes. Swords to plowsheds and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I tell you what, I'd be givin' up, uh... all other- I be givin' up, uh... The planet- The, uh planet closest to the Sun for Jackie. Mercury.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, nigga. Ain't that shit be all [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]] and shit now? They be cuttin' three inches off that planet's [[dick]] an' shit? Heard that shit back in [[2006]]. Fuck.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're thinkin' about- You're thinkin' of [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]], the planet that is ''farthest'' away from the Sun, this is the planet ''closest'' to the Sun.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I see. I see. Yeah, Space be black an' shit, but don't let that confuzzle you an' shit. Ain't no nigga goin' up in space, I tell ya what. Fuckin'-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man gonna keep a nigga down. Keep a nigga on the ground. Keep a nigga from flyin'. Keep a nigga from tryin'. Sheeeit. Got my finger on the trigger, niggas wonder why. Livin' in the city, it's do or die, nigga. Y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I know y'all feel me, y'all be my nigga an' shit. Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I'm yo nigga.
 '''Lars:''' You're my nigga, dog. You're my nigga. A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, I feel you. Let's go back to the metaphorical, metafusical, question of the evening. Y'all be givin' up Mercury?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be givin up [[the Moon]]? Y'all be givin' up [[Wikipedia:Ceres (dwarf planet)|Ceres]] and shit? Fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Moons of Pluto|Nix and Hydra]], goddamn bullshit little moons. What else y'all givin' up? What practicalities and... reala-tala-calaties be you givin' up and shit? In the here and now, what be down here ain't no planet. What y'all givin' up for the bitch? ''(Pause)'' I would give up the Moon, and shit, and I'll give away Ceres, and [[Wikipedia:Proxima Centauri|Proxima Centauri]] and all that shit, but down here on the planet Earth, I be givin' away my boats and shit. Burnin' that shit. Put it to ash. Put them ashes on the mantle. Up on my fireplace and shit. Ain't got no ashes of my daddy, my daddy be fleein' me when I was a baby and shit. Ain't no black man can raise a baby, they all flee. So I ain't got my daddy's ashes. That ain't where he is. Y'all be my daddy for all I know. Shit. ''Man'', I be waxin' off again! You ever just wax off like that? Shit. Once you start, ya just can't stop. 'Til you pop. Fuckin' bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Anyway dog, I be takin' up all the air time- The word time, dawg, you gots ta lay it down for me, what y'all givin' up for Jackie? I'll be shuttin' up now, I'll be shuttin' up now, y'all see your piece, y'all be righteous.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, the uh, the rea- In the reality...
 '''Lars:''' Right, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'd be giving up my... video game time.

===The PS Triple Investment (34:25 - 48:15)===
'''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be gettin' rid a them vidya games and shit. Eh?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I got rid of the, I got rid of a lot of video games I've been hoarding over the years.
 '''Lars:''' That [[PS3|PS Triple]] an' shit? Damn. Shit be like [[Chris and money|800 dollars]] and shit, right? Shit be like a money sink. I feel ya dog, be good you be gettin' ridda that shit. How much 'fetti you get for that shit? Y'sell that shit off. yeah?
 '''Chris:''' ''([[stress]]ful pause)'' No, I have not, no- I have not sold my... PlayStation 3. And it ha- and I have invested a lot ''into'' it. Ever since I had it.
 '''Lars:''' Invested and shit? Y'all be like playin' stocks and shit? What y'all talkin' 'bout, "investin'"?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's just, you know... I downloaded a lot of stuff. On to it.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, I be downloadin' a lotta boats and shit, too. Ain't see me keepin' no boats around, I be burnin' all my boats. Ain't no investment, be a curse and shit. Like a black hole. That be one a them astronomical things. Think [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]] gonna turn into a [[Wikipedia:Black hole|black hole]] 'cause it pissed off about bein' a [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]]. Pluto be like, like a giant boat. Filled with (?) paint kits and shit. All that money.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be givin' up them vidya games. Whoa-whoa-wait, wait, nigga. Nigga, nigga, nigga, my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all say you givin' up them vidya games, but y'all got no- Y'all got the PS Triple and shit, still.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's another thing, I-
 '''Lars:''' I be confuzzled.
 '''Chris:''' That's another thing that, uh, kinda ticks me- It kinda ticks me off a bit, uh, I do not- I do not like it when... When uh, when the trolls, have been- You know, they pretty much seem to have started the trend of calling the PlayStation 3 a... "PS Triple". [[Chris and Hypocrisy|And I just do not- I just- That just rubs me the wrong way, man.]]
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog. Why y'all ain't like that and shit? Just be a box fulla toys and shit, why y'all be defendin' the name and shit? I mean I feel ya, wantin' to defend the name, defend the honor, defend the honor of a honest woman and shit? Man, I be all up on that shit. Wanna be up that poon tang, you gotta be defendin' that honor and shit. Man, like my bitch, little Cubby, he be sayin' "Bitch, yo bitch be all bitch and shit,"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' I be like, "I'm a pop yo ass."
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be standin'- I be standin' up for... I be standin' up for my woman too, you know, I defendin' her from any- from anybody that comes upon her. Yeah, look-
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be defendin' your PS Triple like it be a woman and shit? I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' The PS... The PS Triple no woman, it just, it's just a... dang material possession. And the- and, and uh, and Jackie being the wonderful woman she is, and the wonderful person, very s- best person there is, you know... She's a lot more important than a dang ol' video game console. ''(Pause)'' But still, you know, after I invested a whole lot in there over the- over that- over that... my time I had it, it's like you know, I ain't gonna get that back and I'm certainly not gonna be able to get ''[indecipherable]'' for it. Face value.
 '''Lars:''' Ain't y'all gonna get Jackie and shit though? Ain't Jackie be worth more than a PS Triple and shit? Jackie cook a mean steak dinner and shit. All the fixins. Throw some [[Wikipedia:Grits|grits]] on there. Some [[Wikipedia:Starburst (confectionery)|Starburst]]. Little [[Wikipedia:Grape soda|grape soda]] on the side. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
 '''Chris:''' Yep. I tell ya, If I can't, uh, If I can't sell my PS Triple, I tell ya something else, I tell you, another thing I would definitely get rid of for Jackie, I'd get rid of a whole bunch of the, uh... [[Transformers]] I got.
 '''Lars:''' Why can't y'all get ridda that PS Triple though, dog? I- I ain't be feelin' it, I ain't be understandin' and shit. Y'all got my mind twisted and turned, with these phrases. I know y'all ain't mean it and shit, but I ain't be feelin' it. I need y'all help, dog. I be slow and shit, I ain't be figuring it out. Why ain't y'all give up that PS Triple and shit, dog? Worked hook, line and sinker with my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I downl- Listen, I downloaded over 4000 dollars worth of content and... at face value it's not gonna get me back 4000 dollars.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, dog! Ain't about the money and shit. Shit be about gettin' rid of addictions and shit. Y'know I how much I drop on boats and shit? Forty-five thousand dollars! I got like, six credit cards for that shit. Y'know how hard it is for a black man to get one credit card, I got six! Six, nigga. That's how dedicated I was to them fuckin' boats. That's how- them boats was my life, nigga. Them boats was my life! Sheeit. But I burned them boats, ain't get no money for that shit. That money be ''gone'', nigga. I got debts to pay off and shit. But I be an honest nigga now. I ain't lettin' no addiction control me. Why you ain't get rid a that PS Triple? I be feelin' Jackie, like, that's what she want.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I- Lemme just- Just let me talk, here.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all go ahead, dog. I'm listenin'.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Listen, I do not, I would not need to sell the console in order for me to not spend any more. I just- will just swear upon- Upon my [[Aunt Corrina]]'s grave. On that, and uh, my fam- On the life of myself and [[Barbara|my mom]] and [[Bob|my dad]]. Everybody in my family. And I will just not- I will not spend... Any- I will just not spend any more- ''[Audio gets fucked up here while Chris continues lying]'' -downloading for the P-
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, I hear ya.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Audio still messed up]''
 '''Lars:''' Ain't Jackie ask you to do that a while ago and shit? Ain't Jackie ask you to not spend on that a while ago, ain't that what she said? That what she be tellin' me. Ain't y'all still be spendin' and shit though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' I-
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, as a nigga that seen the worst of addictions, I gotta level wit' you, bro. Just ain't work that way, dog. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all go ahead, dog, y'all go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I mean, it just- it just had to be, uh... one that I would have- I would have to able- I just would have to be able to show it to her in person, you know. I treat- I treat her right. I would treat her right in person, and I would not be th- My money would be going all to- All towards her, and... Not on anything new that goes on the, uh, PS Triple.
 '''Lars:''' So you ain't been buyin' games for, like... How long, [[Jackie]] ask you that shit like... Months ago, and shit, right? You ain't been buying no games for all that time?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I ain't been- I ain't buying no game for about a month. Buying no new games.
 '''Lars:''' "About a month"?
 '''Chris:''' Ain't gonna... Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' This... This be any games and shit, this be just that... That, what the fuck, Jackie- ''(Yells at Jackie)'' Yo bitch, what you call that? That... "PSN" shit? Fuckin'... what that stand for, "PS Nigga" and shit? Sheeeit. Gonna be a lawsuit up there at Sony, with this bitch. Y'all be spendin' money just on that? You don't be buying games at the... [[Wikipedia:Costco|Costco]] and shit? Buyin' them hard copies? ''(Pause)'' Don't lie to me, dog, don't lie to me.
 '''Chris:''' A bunch- a bunch-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, you be my nigga an' shit? You be my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You be my nigga an' shit, don't be lyin' to me. Bros before hos, dog. We be tight, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' You be feelin', I be touchin'.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I ain't lyin'- I ain't lyin' to you. It's essentially, you know, the stuff I download from the PSN, there's no... uh, it- And the "N", by the way, it stands for "Network", "PlayStation Network".
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' But anyway, it's stuff that mostly- Stuff, mostly stuff that you just cannot f- You just cannot get on hard copy. There's no hard copy for mosta the stuff they got on there.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all still be buyin' shit. Y'all still be buyin' games on PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, y- Yeah, but, yeah it's like, uh- It's like, uh, world wide web, it's like, Internet thing, it's like... Alright. You- You know of [[IPods Down and Listen Up|iTunes]], right?
 '''Lars:''' "Internet"? Like the white folks' street corner and shit, yo dog I feel you. iTunes and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes, it-
 '''Lars:''' Be more like "WhiteTunes", with all that white color.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes or [[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads|Rhapsody]] or Napster. Well, point is, you know, it's... It's uh, you know-
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be spendin' money and shit on this [[PSN]].
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' But ain't Jackie not want you to be doin' that shit though?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will- And I promise her that I would not do that, and I have not been... doing that. ''(Pause)'' For about a month now.
 '''Lars:''' Bitch be tellin' me she up on that PS Nigga, she be lookin' at y'all... Y'all [[Facebook]] on that nigga. Shit, I ain't know. I ain't know this Internet shit. Internet be like space, ain't no nigga gonna up on that Internet neither. Fuckin' Man keepin' us down. Anyway... sheeit. Bitch be tellin' me she all up on that PS Nigga and she check your... Your trophies, and your accolades, and shit. Nigga be gettin' all new trophies for new games and shit, all through the month.
 '''Chris:''' Actually those were new trophies for games I had already- I already owned.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be... Y'all be havin' game you ain't played for months, but you still buyin' shit? I feel that, I feel that, I was like that with my boats and shit, I be buyin' boats... I ain't even take 'em in the tub for... six months and shit. Nigga like his bubble bath with boats, no? Some times I have my favorite boats, sometimes I have my less favorite boats, sometimes I have my not favorite boats at all, nigga. I ain't even like them boats. So you and me, we be in the same boat and shit, y'feel me? ''Sheeeeeeeeeeit.'' Dawg, we be tight and shit. Y'all be up in my grill and shit. Y'all be... up in my 'fetti. ''(Awkward Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, let me ax you then.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Lars:''' So Jackie, she be all bitchin' at you, she be all like, "Chris, I know you ain't be buyin' no boats, and... PSN nigga boats, and... PS Nigga games", and... she ain't want you buyin' none a that shit. A'ight? But then you go... you still gonna be playin' this shit. Yo bitch be all like, ain't want you, ain't want you playin' wit' yo boats and shit, yo PS boats. Shit be all addictive and shit, ya feel?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah... You have to forgive me for... things there, you kinda talk a little fast, and I'm just tryin' to- Just wanna make sure I'm able to understand you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight. You take your time and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, we cool.
 '''Lars:''' Brovaries before ovaries, and shit. We cool. You take your time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You take your sweet time. [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah bu-
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all thinka that? You need a clarification, and shit? A bifurcation? Y'all got, y'all be feelin' me, y'all be feelin my question.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh-
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not really sure what the question is, though.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I be, I'll be rephrasin' with the past parsable and shit. So my bitch Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I ain't want you plain' none a them games, now." You be gettin' games up on that PS Nigga. You be playin' them games all day and night. Sheeeeit, addiction be all "spiral of doom" and shit. Ain't about just the money. It's about the ''tiiiime'', nigga. 'Bout the ''effort'', nigga. All that time an effort, go in to the volunteerin' and shit. Work at the hospital. Be a fuckin' hospice nurse and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Oh-
 '''Lars:''' I did that shit for nine months. Fuckin' made me a new man and shit. Watch a buncha old white people die? Sheeeeit. Ain't nothing feel better than that. All them old slave-owners and [[Wikipedia:Sharecropper|sharecroppers]] be droppin' like flies, and here Lars be. Lars McNulty. Sheeeit. That shit feel good, nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, by the way-
 '''Lars:''' Watchin' white people die.
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you're asking me, you're- you're asking me, uh, why I be spending all my extra time playing video games instead of like, you know, goin' out, uh... to volunteer work or some- shi- or stuff like that.
 '''Lars:''' True dat, dog, true dat. You be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feeling ya. Uh, but mostly, but mostly, uh, on the one point, it's like, I would not know where to look. And plus, you know, goin' out for a job, after all the, uh, after them trolls been weighing me down since November [[2007]], smearin' my name in the... [''Audio cuts out while Chris continues whining'']

===Fuck Tha Police (48:15 - 57:30)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeeit. A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. But, y'all know, dog, y'all know them background check and shit, just be for criminal shit. Now I know all about the criminality. I be a black man, I had a record since I was 8. Sheeit. Try'd to rob Starbucks with a [[Megatron pistol|fake gun]]. Nigga, y'all ever rob Starbucks, you best bring a real gun, nigga. Go whole hog on that shit. Ridin' that pagan justice into town and shit. Fuck. You spend any time in the joint, nigga?
 '''Chris:''' I ain't spent no time in no joint, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be lucky and shit, dog. No, no, y'all ain't be lucky and shit, y'all be white. That's what that shit is. A black man be like... turn 18, he go do two and a half in fuckin' C Block and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-
 '''Lars:''' Taste a lotta maple syrup in that time. Anyway dog, I be- What I be sayin' to you and shit, that background check, they ain't gonna see no... No white niggas on the Internet makin' fun a your... Your [[Pokémon]] fanfiction and shit. Y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeahhh, it- I feel you but-
 '''Lars:''' They ain't be holdin' that against you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but they have a lot more than just the, making fun of the, uh... Pokémon fanfiction. They got a lot more than that, I mean they claim- I mean they claim me... They- They mis- The trolls, they be throwin' around those bad labels on me, like... a [[Pedofork|pedophile]].
 '''Lars:''' Nigga y'all be- Y'all be missin' my point though. Nigga, you ain't spend no time up in the joint. Your background check should be golden shit. Y'all ain't got no problems and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but th- Yeah. But also, th- I do have po- [[Chris and the law|I do have a police record on file, uh, for... Couple- For...]]
 '''Lars:''' Oh, word?
 '''Chris:''' Couple of offenses... Yeah, I had a couple of [[police]] records on file-
 '''Lars:''' You be fightin' The Man and shit? Sheeeeeit, tell me all about it, dog, what you be doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Lars:''' You be takin' down po-po? Fuckin' 5-0 and shit? What you got? I'll swap stories with you, and shit. You go first, though.
 '''Chris:''' It be essentially, uh, just... Havin' a bad time and disagreements and what-not. With th- With this, uh- With [[Michael Snyder|this... dude]], down over at The GAMe- Over at [[The GAMe PLACe|The GAMe and HOBBY PLACe]]. He just be havin' his own gripe against me, and lookin' for a way- Lookin' for an excuse to ban me from his store, and then, and then... Then he did, so he banned me from the store, he... But he never wanted me to come back, and then I come back like about a year later askin' him- askin' if I can come back and he don't let me come back and... So I leave and then I come back next year and then, uh... Same thing again except worse, he act- he actually gives me- actually puts um... Officially on police record! Don't want- He don't want me... Trespassing on th- He don't want me, y'know, um, being anywhere near that place.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' He just- He just be all, afraid of me and shit like that. And plus also, I have like, uh, I've had like, uh, past- Past accusations of quote-unquote "soliciting", when I was out in my early days of my [[Sweetheart Search]] lookin' for- Lookin' for a woman of my own, be usin' a [[sign]], like you know, I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18-to-current-age-year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the- Just for the [[Sex|booty call]]! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang! They just misinterp- They just misunderstand me, and they handcuff me and everythang, they came- They handcuff me a couple a times, they drag me around, and [[Get-Tar Region|they even dogpile on me one time]], rub my head on the carpet, I be bleedin' out- I been bleedin' out left side of my forehead that day! Put me in the dang- Put me in the dang cop car and I get offended by the ambulaaaance, where they see that blood stain... Blood-soaked stain! Heaaaad wouuund, from that carpet burn on the left side of my forehead there!
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, nigga, a'ight, nigga. You get down wit' y'all bad self. Sheeeeit. Badass, you be stickin' it to 5-0 and shit! Tresspassin' and shit. I see, I feel ya, I smell ya, dog. Y'all be tresspassin', be shootin' it off to them white niggas. Shiiit. So y'all be tresspassin' on this here nigga's property to be stickin' it to that man and shit. That be what I feelin'? That be what you doin', dig?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeeeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so you-
 '''Chris:''' You be feelin' me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' So you all go tresspassin' and shit, you know you ain't welcome and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, "Fuck dat shit, I own that store! I'm a go stick that place up and shit! I'm a fuckin' bust a cap in his ass!" Y'all be like, "I ain't gives no fuck about right and wrong and shit!" Nigga in the city, dog. Niggas wonder why.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be poppin- Yeah I be poppin' a- I'd be poppin' a cap in that- In that old- In that old [[Michael Snyder]] ass, I tell you what. It's like, if and I had me, if I had me a real life gun but I don't have a real life gun, though like you know, all I got is my, uh... All I got is my [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mind]] wit, and uh, not mu- Not much else going on there. So it's like I don't really have much of an offense, as much as a defense, dog. And I, but-
 '''Lars:''' Lemme ax you-
 '''Chris:''' The only option there is just to split.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog-
 '''Chris:''' 'Til another thing, until I can actually go on the offense.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog. So you gonna take some nigga, and you gonna say like, "Bitch, this nigga be goin' down and shit." And you pick this, you pick this nigga, this nigga at this... This game store and shit. Why you pick this nigga to pick a fight with and shit?
 '''Chris:''' He- He- He picked-
 '''Lars:''' What about this nigga?
 '''Chris:''' He picked a fight with me first, he just had his own griefs, he just had his own griefs, his own gripes and scares against me. He be thinkin' I be like... He be thinkin' like y'know, I know... He be havin' his own weird accusations against me, probably thinkin' that I w- He probably... Damn troll [[Niggos|niggers]] who... Who damn throw the label of pedophile on me and damn ol' buncha shit offa him. He be throwin' all them labels on me and just lookin' for a damn excuse to kick me out of that store and ban me forever and the he- And then... And then he did find a damn excuse and it damn happened and they called tresspassin' and everthiiing.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all, y'all be goin' on property when you know you ain't- It be someone elses property and shit, and you be like, "Fuck that, I ain't give a shit about right and wrong! I ain't give a shit about what someone else wants! I ain't give a shit about no other nigga's property, and personal reliability, and safe-ety.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which-
 '''Lars:''' And personal responsibility.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which that- That ain't really his store, he's just rentin' on- He's just rentin' on that location! They just been rentin' there for a long time! It ain't really his-
 '''Lars:''' So he be payin' his rent and shit. So it be his store and shit, then. You be all like, "Fuck dat shit, I ain't give a shit 'bout no other nigga's property. I'm a take what I want and fuck all y'all niggas." Shit, dog, I be feelin' that. That be my gangsta life, in my teenage years, back when I be eight and shit. I be all like goin' up in the stores, and be like "What, nigga? What, you gonna kick me out cuz I stealin' shit? Cuz I be yellin' at people? Cuz I be screamin' my head off? Sheeeit. Fuck that shit, nigga! I do what I want!" Be some [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] up in here and shit. I feel ya, dog. You ain't gives no fucks.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Fuck that shit! Ain't give no shit if that be his store and what-not.
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, so you say you have a weakness with the offense, but you be good with the defense and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So let me ax you, some nigga come up in yo house and shit, and be all like, "Dude I wanna come up in here and shit." And y'all be like, "Shit, nigga. This be my house and shit, y'all ain't comin' up in here without no invitation and shit." And he be like, "''Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit'', nigga! I do what I want, I'm a call up on y'all house!" What ya'll gonna do? Some nigga come up in yo business.
 '''Chris:''' I ain't got no gun, I'll beat his ass, I'm pretty str- I'm very strong. I'd give him an ol' ''CLOP! CLOP! HIYA!''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' If that be the case... But I'd make sure that I be cool, dog, y'know, I'd make sure I started that, like y'know, he'd throw the first punch, and if he throw the first punch and I- Then I de-fennnnd, and I throw- And then I throw- Then I would punch back in defense!
 '''Lars:''' Then y'all be throwin' a trespassin' notice and shit on him. Ain't that the truth, nigga. Ain't y'all be, y'all be saltin' the wounds and shit. Puttin' a criminality record upon this nigga. Ain't that what y'all gon' do, dog. Sheeeit. Now I ain't never filed no trespassin' notice on any nigga what started shit with me. See I be a black man and shit, so the police, if you ever call the police when you a black man? They come and shoot your ass. They ain't givin' no fucks. You be white and shit. You can use the system against the system and shit. Y'all see what I mean and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah. I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Say yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Whole buncha damn- Whole buncha the damn racism that they been got goin' on, but I ain't like that. I be respec- I have respect for my black man. And I have respect for you, man, 'cause we cool.

===One Big Gray Nigga (57:30 - 1:04:30) ===
'''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me, y'all my nigga and shit, dog. Sheeeeit. Nigga be Prime Time up in here, dog. Shit. Fuck. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and in fact I enjoy- I the, uh, comedies- I enjoy the TV shows I get from the... From the black man, including [[Wikipedia:The Jeffersons|''The Jeffersons'']], and... [[Wikipedia:Bill Cosby|Bill Cosby]], and... [[Wikipedia:Sanford and Son|''Sanford and Son'']], all a' them. All them-
 '''Lars:''' ''Sanford and Son''???! Bitch, I know you ain't bring up ''Sanford and Son'', fuckin' sharecropper shit. Goddamn [[Wikipedia:Uncle Tom|Uncle Tom]] and shit. Sheeeit. Traitor to his race and shit, dog. All that spoon jockey [''?''] shit, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|blackface]]... [[Wikipedia:Bamboozled|''Bamboozled'']] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' I-
 '''Lars:''' All I see is sleepin' (?), that's what all that shit be. Fuck that shit, stereotypin' a nigga in a bad light and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, man I-
 '''Lars:''' Us niggas, we already got our trouble with the bad light and shit, 'cause we be all dark and shit. Ain't no light what can shine a good light on our dark skin and shit. Then you got the TV shows. Then you got the [[Wikipedia:HBO|H-B-O]] and shit. Fuckin' shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well man, I don't mean, I- Yeah I don't mean to jump no jive, man, I just be givin' a few examples of some of the shows I see. But I watch- I watch other shows too, where they- where they make GOOD examples of the- Of the black man and the black woman.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years of opression.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I-
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, know what I'm doin'? I'm holdin' up my fist in solidarity. Yo, nigga, hold up you fist for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You holdin' up yo fist, dog? Hope y'all ain't smilin' and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm holdin' up my fist, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be smilin' and shit, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Niggas, we can't be smilin'. That takes away... the gravitas of what we can do. See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be holdin'- I be holdin' up my f- I be holdin' up my fist in respect, dog. I-
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog. Yo, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hold it in respect.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' We cool.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, where all this shit come from? We be bulin' our- our ''velocity'' toward ''ferocity'' and toward ''audacity'' of hope and change and chope and shit. Fuckin' Big Bama's House up in here. A black nigga and a white nigga be mixin' and matchin', make ourselves one big gray nigga and shit. See what I doin', dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Fuckin' bridgin' the gaps of... Of ''inequality'', and ine- ''inequity'', and... ''ine-quali-equity'', and shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, this shit be all about Jackie and shit, though, dog. Jackie be all like, glarin' daggers at me and shit. I be like, "Bitch, only daggers I wanna see from you are those two daggers on yo' chest and shit, now take off your top while you be makin' me my steak dinner!" Bitch be all like, "Sheeeit, I burned myself last time I do that, nigga. Y'all want burn scars on this body?" I be like "Hell no, dog, you already got that [[Wikipedia:Caesarean section|C-section]] scar from where I aborted that baby!" Sheeeit, bitch all scarred up and used up already. So let's get back to Jackie and shit. Now, Jackie ain't be happy wit' y'all and shit. And Jackie ain't sure if she be happy wit' me and shit. So we gots to figure out, and numerate, and enunciate exactly why the ''posivericating'' is happenin' with this shit. Why the bitch be mad at you, and why the bitch be mad at me? We figure this out, dog, we figure this out, nigga. Brovaries before ovaries, dawg, you feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be all, like, you be lyin' to her and shit. And I feel that. I feel why she pissed about that shit. And as a advice, and... cautionary to you: Y'all ain't be lyin' to no bitch. Y'all can smack a bitch, y'all can punt a bitch, y'all be like "Bitch, I ain't doin' that shit" all up in her face and shit, but y'all ain't be lyin' to a bitch. 'Cause then the shit roll downhill. Shit be like a Hydra and shit, you cut one head off that bitch, two head grow back, you be lyin' to her. They catch you on that shit, they always do, nigga. Indeed! Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be mad cuz you be lyin' to her. And bitch be mad cuz you ain't gettin' rid a that addiction and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel ya, I tell you what, I- I'll make it right, I will make this right with Jackie, I tell you what, you tell her this from me too and I- and I'll promise it to you too, man, cuz we cool. I'll draw a parade for [[Alec]], and I'll make it like, you know, he was found innocent, like she wanted. I'll fix the pages and do it right for her.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that like, you know, within- within the next few days, and vid- and it'll be up, all colored and everything, be uploaded.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that for her.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog, shit, see now in the interest of camaraderie, and... niggaraderie, and all that shit. In the interest of all that shit, this gray nigga we be buildin', I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Also, in the interest of not bein' hypocrital, and hippocratical, I ain't takin' no [[Wikipedia:Hippocratic Oath|Hippiocratical Oath]] and shit. Because I be tellin' you not to be lyin' to no bitches, so I ain't can't be lyin' to you and shit. Y'all fell me, dog? I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel you. Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so, in the interest of honesty and total veracity, I must tell you that I am not a neutral party and shit. See, I burned my boats and shit 'cause I want Jackie back, dog. See? Bitch be all like, all up slobberin' on my dick and balls now, shit. Damn! See, I ain't be finna' gettin' ridda' my bitch, and shit. She be all like, ridin' my dick. She be all like, givin' me the oral play and shit. Fuckin' tongue action, finger play, y'all know that shit, sheeeeit. And the bitch be makin' me my steak dinner, 'cause I burned them boats. So, I ain't finna' be gettin' ridda' this bitch. I got a good bitch goin' here, y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all might wanna try winnin' Jackie back. I wish y'all best luck in the world. Cuz see, a'ight, honestly, veracitously, I gots to admit to you, I do think, yo, we are bros, but we still be competin', you dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' And I do feel like I have the advantage on you. Cuz my dick be all ''four inches'' a straight goodness and shit. Fuckin' straight as a ramrod and shit! That's what call me in high school when I be ramroddin' bitches, they call me "Ramrod". Better than "nigger". Better than "[[Wikipedia:Jim (Huckleberry Finn)|Nigger Jim]]," that's what that shit they be callin' me, I be like "My name ain't Jim! Call me "Nigga Lars" and shit!" "Nigga Lars"? That shit fine. "Nigga McNulty"? That shit be fine too, but they call me "Nigger Jim"! Who da fuck this "Nigga Jim" be? I ain't know... sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' That's- I tell ya, that's cool man, I praise you for being able to bang all them hos back in the high school days, I tell you what, I was [[naïve]] on the [[dating]] subject back in high school, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it! I was really slow, and I ev- and I even had a girl- I even had a girl crush back then. But then she done left me, she was out da- she was out dating with somebody else behind my back, I didn't even know about it. But she and I, we were tight!

===The Trail of Tears (1:04:30 - 107:50) ===
'''Lars:''' Shee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dog! So what y'all gonna do to win Jackie heart back and shit? Y'all gonna burn that PS Triple and shit. See, see I'ma feelin' that, because that seem like, like the equalizer, and the numerizer and shit, that you all be pullin' to one-up my burnin' my boats and shit. See I be burnin' my addiction, y'all gots to burn your addiction too. Y'all ain't gots to do it literally. I know white people be afraid of fire and shit, I know white people fear fire. See us black folk, we like fire, 'cause we all be like livin' tribal in the Unga Bungas, in Africa and shit. We be usin' fire to keep tigers away and shit! Tigers, man, damn. Tigers be racists and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well I feel you, man. I'm part [[Cherokee]].
 '''Lars:''' So, y'all got- Oh, dog, y'all part Cherokee? Y'all be part a them-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Them red niggas and shit? Sheeeit, I feel that, dog, I ain't know that about you. Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Wikipedia:Trail of Tears|Trail of Tears]] is in my history.
 '''Lars:''' [''talking over Chris''] What [[Wikipedia:Native American gaming|casino]] you from?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, all them Red Niggas, they be up in them casinos and shit. Ain't that right, dog? What casino you from? From that casino tribe-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah sound like a-
 '''Lars:''' From the Blackjack tribe? Whitejack tribe? The... Poker tribe? The Hold 'Em tribe? You from them-
 '''Chris:''' That just-
 '''Lars:''' Ain't got no tribes, y'all feelin' what I'm gettin' at.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I fe- Yeah I feel you, man, that's a- That's just a dang old stereotype, I'm not like one- I am not a Casino Ownah. I ain't no rich man. I mean, I di- I mean-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be unemployed and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be no Casino Nigga and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I ain't no Casi- I- I ain't no Casino Nigga. I mean, we be-
 '''Lars:''' See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my background, we be of the real- We be of the real Cherokee. From the Trail of Tears and all that. That's from my history.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, this be a perfect example of the injustice and inservitude and ingratuity of American history and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Lars:''' See, the red niggas, they be all like, the casino niggas and shit. And then, you come along, and you ain't be... You ain't be havin' no job in no casino, you ain't be havin' no job and shit. You all just be, sittin' on your couch and shit, jobless. And that totally defies the stereotype of the common red nigga, see? So them sterotypes, they be bullshit, 'cause everyone knows your red niggas, they all be hard-workin' and [[Alcohol|sober]] and shit. Ain't no stereotypes say otherwise. I hear there is, I'll eat my hat I tell you what. Sheeeeit. Fuck. Anyway, dog, where we at- I be waxin philosophimorical again. Sheeit. We be talkin 'bout- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, dog, it comin' back to me. What y'all gonna be doin' to win Jackie, y'all gonna be ''metaphorically'' burnin' your PS Triple and shit. That be right, dog? Is that what y'all gonna do? I be wishin you luck, dog, I be wishin' you luck. I be wishin' you luck and shit, man. Y'know, I'll be ramroddin' Jackie every night and every day, but I respect you, like my nigga. You're my bro and shit. And I want you to get what you deserve and shit. You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all gonna be gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. [''long pause'']

===A Tale of Two PS Triples (1:07:50 - 1:17:45)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah [[Slow-in-the-minds|my mind be slow]]] and I be uncertain of... everything here. And I definitely... I definitely feel ya and I'm not gonna say that I'm better than you, I'm not gonna say no- I'm not gonna say that. I mean you be- I mean you are- You be a big man, you burned all your boats, dog. I tell you what. But I mean- I spend my mo- I spend my money, I ain't gonna get that much back. I ain't gonna- I ain't gonna just kill it all by burning the dang PS3 because I already di- I pretty much essentially did that. By, uh... Like, [[The MovingFoward videos|pretty much dismantling the previous one I had]], [[ItIsFinished.MOV|and then just running it over]] with [[Son-Chu|my car]], there be videos on the [[YouTube]] about that.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, I saw that shit, you just- You destructicated your PS Triple, and then you get a new one back like a day later and shit. Why y'all go get a new PS Triple and shit, dog? Why destroy it in the first place?
 '''Chris:''' I tried to destroy it, dog, because... Them tr- Because, them trolls, and Jackie knew about it as well, they be offering NINE THOUSAND dollars for footage of the destruction of that PS Triple. And my- And Jackie thought like, you know, I give them th- I give them the footage and the real deal- I give them the real deal footage and what-not, they give- They, the trolls, they- THE troll, he be givin' me back the- He be givin' me that money, I be buyin' me a new PS Triple, she be cool with that, but then it don't happen, he- He fall back on his word, he don't do it, even though there were plans of meetings and what-not, it didn't happen, there was no money! I was-
 '''Lars:''' Where y'all get that money then? If there be no money, where y'all get that new PS Triple and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that be from my-
 '''Lars:''' I know all white folks be rich and shit, like at least moderately so and shit, but shiiit, you got that kinda cash around, you got that 'fetti? Where you get the money to buy that second PS Triple? That be like yo' Double PS Triple. Or yo' PS Double-Triple, if you will. Sheeeit. PS Triple-Double and shit. Where y'all get the money for that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that be where I sold the, uh, past- The older game consoles that I've hoarded over the years.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all go and destroy yo' PS Triple... Then like a day later y'all go and sell like every other game you got... So you can buy back... A PS Triple? [''pause''] Shit ain't gangsta, dog, why you be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' It does a lot more than games, dog! Does movies, does music, does pictures! Does the Internet! I mean pretty much at this time, the only way that I'd be able to access my e-mail, and send and receive, from Jackie and everybody el- From everybody.
 '''Lars:''' Why ain't y'all buy a new computer?
 '''Chris:''' Because damn computer expensive. I mean if I had known that was gonna happen I-
 '''Lars:''' PS Triple be expensive, dog!
 '''Chris:''' If I had known that was gonna have happened... I mean it happened at months- It happened- Just happened a month before- A whole month before my computer decided to go and do what it did to me, and become practically unusable and considerably deaaaaad.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, ain't y'all computer be all broken and shit for a long time, though? Ain't you know you need a replacement and shit?
 '''Chris:''' No, because-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be tellin' me that she heard some... Some call where you talked to that Alec Benson Nigga guy. I don't know this guy. You talked to him, and he be askin' you why you ain't do somethin' with your computer. I ain't know what. Why you ain't interneting or somethin'. Us black folk, we ain't know this Internet. He ask you that, why you ain't doin' this, and you said your computer be busted and shit. You tell him the same thing you tell Jackie like a year later. Why you ain't replace the computer in all that time, though? Y'all know the computer be busted, but y'all go and buy a PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' Because the computer was working for me. It wasn't as busted as it was- As it had become a month later.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all didn't think ahead and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all knew the computer was on its last legs and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my- Yeah, my bad, I did not think ahead. I thought things'd be cool, but then it turned out they weren't. It... Damn whole buncha twist of fate and everything. Be all up my ass.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga, nigga, nigga, let me give you a metaphorical illusion, if I will, if I may, if you will.
 '''Chris:''' It's cool.
 '''Lars:''' Now, picture your computer like... Like a twenty-nine-year-old nigga and shit. A'ight, now your computer be like a twenty-nine-year-old nigga. You know what kinda life expectancy a twenty-nine-year-old have on the streets? Zero point zero-zero-zero-four percent, to the power of twelve, to the oneth power. That shit be low and shit. So your computer, in a metaphorical sense, be like a nigga who be facin' his be three-oh and shit. And that nigga gonna get capped and shit, dog! Sheeeeeit. Ain't gonna be no fake gun bringin' up in the Starbucks next time. Nigga gonna get capped. Streets be a lottery and shit, dog. So that computer, y'all know that computer be like a twenty-nine-year-old nigga. See, that computer be functionating and pre-vericating and shit. Just like that twenty-nine-year-old nigga be, in the prime of his life with them ripplin' muscles and shit. But a cap gonna come outta mid air, and shot yo' fuckin' computer in the back of the head when he in line at the [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeye's Chicken]]. And that be all she wrote, nigga. That be all she wrote. Ain't no [[Wikipedia:Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman|Dr. Quinn]] gonna save this nigga up in here, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeit. So that computer be on its last life, and y'all, y'all know that even though it fuctionin' fine today, that computer get a cap in its ass tomorrow. God gonna fire a cap in that computer's ass. And y'all be knowin' that, but y'all ain't replacin' that, but then y'all PS Triple die, because you killed it. You be murderin' that PS Triple, you be murderin' it in cold blood, like, like it be a nigga what wronged you, what didn't pay you your drug money and shit. So you kill that PS Triple, and then you all go and buy a new PS Triple the next day. But you got your computer here, which need to be replaced, your computer which you use to talk to Jackie. But you can't talk to Jackie no more. You just play your games. Y'all be feelin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' So you see, dog, see Jackie be mad because y'all- Y'all be takin' playin' vidya games over talkin' to a real life woman. Sheeeit. I feel her pain and shit. I feel her commissary and commissaratin' and shit. Ain't no PS Triple what got no poontang, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeeeit. Damn! So why y'all... Why y'all pick a PS Triple, over my Jackie Triple? Why y'all be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well... ''(Pause for stress)'' Now look, okay dog, I can- Uh... I will still be able to talk to Jacke through the email with the PS Triple, anyway... With the- AIM, uh... Anyway, I- Anyway, I be gettin' a new computer soon enough, and I be back to- I'll be able to talk to Jackie through AIM if, y'know, she'd be willing to.
 '''Lars:''' But lemme ax you, dog. Now, your PS Triple be gone, and "soon enough" means, like, a day. But, your computer, you means of communication with Jackie and shit, that be gone, but "soon enough", that amount to like months and shit. That be like the whole trimester of a pregnancy what pass by and shit. Shit, I ain't even let this much time pass by before I evacuated that fetus in her belly. Sheeeeeeeit. That be a bigger decision than any PS Triple, I tell you what.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' Why y'all go and replace the PS Triple, even though Jackie don't want you to have that addiction?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' It's an addiction that I will be able to... get over easily enough... when I actually have the woman nearby me. Why-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be-
 '''Chris:''' If I- Yeah, you know, I be havin' me- I'll be havin' the woman next to me, and I'd be treatin' her right, I'd be investing more time into her... Right next to me, instead of bein' over the Internet, because I ain't got no power over the Internet, really, Internet just don't work, I- I'm scared to go on the Internet, really, because of the damn trolls, it's real life and- It's real life or bust for me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' But... But dog, okay, dog, I be feelin' that. Them Internets, they be a scary place and shit, especially for a nigga. Sheeeeit. Ain't no fourth dimension and shit up on that Internet what no nigga like myself gonna walk up into, you feelin' me? Sheeit. Shit like a minefield and shit. Damn, dog. But Jackie, see, Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I know you know I want you gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. Shit be like a black hole of addiction and shit, suckin' up your life." And see, what I don't get is why y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple, because that shit is no good for you. And you gettin' rid a that shit, even if Jackie ain't exist and shit, even if Jackie ain't up on my dick and shit, then you get rid of that PS Triple... You a born-again man. You a new man for gettin' rid a that shit. See, I burned my boats and shit before I even called Jackie, because I knew even if Jackie be all rejectin' me and shit, I'd be a new man for gettin' ridda my addiction. I be a strong man and shit. Show me your strength, nigga. Y'all be feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' Word, dawg. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

===Downtism (1:17:45 - 1:23:05)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Uhh, alright listen, we be havin' a cool conversation, it's been good, um... Let me, uh, talk- Let me talk to Jackie for a little while.
 '''Lars:''' Let's see if that bitch be around. ''(Pretends to walk around)'' Yo bitch! Bitch, where you be at?! Now hold on, dog. Sheeeeit, where that bitch at? Hold on... Checkin' the kitchen and shit. Fuck, meatloaf only half-done and shit. Bitch can't even make a meatloaf and shit and steak and shit at the same time? Damn. Used up bitch, poontang and shit. What the- oh, the fuck that smell be? Aw, fuck- Bitch, I told you not to go to that [[Taco Bell]] and shit no more! Shit ain't gangsta! Sheeeit. ''(Back to Chris)'' Bitch be all like, makin' number two and shit right now, she ain't comin' out for a whiiile, let me tell ya that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-ohhhh.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' That be- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' See now dog, y'all got to feel my pain and shit. See y'all just be hearin' about it, I gots to smell it and shit. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya- I get it, I- I can- I hear you, be all-
 '''Lars:''' Y'all know how strong the sense of smell on a nigga is? Y'all be a white nigga and shit, I be a black nigga. See us wide nostrils, we smell like five times what you smell and shit. See, my nostrils, that be like my PS Triple because it's triple the smell power of your... Your thin, white nostrils. Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I hear you, dog, I know what- I know what crap smells like and how it comes out. ''(Clears throat)'' Excuse me.
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't gonna get rid a that PS Triple for Jackie and shit? That be, that be my... confuzzlation and shit. ''(Pause)'' See, dog, y'all be like... Lemme put it how I see it, and then I'll wait for yo' responsification. See, all I see, is y'all be saying that y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple 'til Jackie be by your side and shit. See y'all be wantin' Jackie to be like, watchin' you, and to be like, houndin' you, and to ''substitutionalize'' for that PS Triple and shit. But y'all ain't wanna be gettin' rid a that shit just for yo' own damn self. ''(Pause)'' You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog. Righteous. Righteous and shit. See Jackie, Jackie be feelin' all hurt and shit 'cause y'all ain't wanna improve yourself. Y'all know how fleetin' life is and shit, nigga? Life be fleetin' and shit, even for a white nigga. White nigga can expect to live past 30. Black man can't, but a white man can.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. ''(Pause)''
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't improvin' yourself, dog? ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' To be honest, I- I really- To be honest... I just don't know. ''(Pause)'' It's pretty much, you know, I had my- My mind is so slow, and... It be- I just be fear of change, and... It just hard- It's just hard for- It's just really hard for me and my... Mental- And my mental capacity to... To go through a whole bunch of change so quickly.
 '''Lars:''' Ah, I see, cuz a that [[Autism|Downtism]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' No it-
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' The- It- Not Down syndrome, ''autism''.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, the Downtism. That be what I- Yeah. Shit. Anyway, dog, so what y'all sayin' is, ya got ya vidya games, and Jackie, she be like a woman, with the poontang and shit, and a meatloaf and steak dinner, and y'all be afraid of that. Y'all stick wit' your video games, cuz that all ain't makes you afraid like a woman do.
 '''Chris:''' What- NO. I'm not- I am not afraid of a- I am not afraid of a woman.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, y'all ain't wanna give up PS Triple for a woman though. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris grunts. It's safe to speculate that he has shit himself by this point.)''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'', lemme think. ''(Chris thinks for like 30 seconds)''
 '''Lars:''' Nigga you gruntin' or some shit. Shit, dog, y'all be at Taco Bell and shit too, like my Jackie?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Umm... No, I- I did not go to Taco Bell today.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, what you eat, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had me a- I had me a [[McDonald's|fish fillet]] tonight.
 '''Lars:''' Shit... ain't no nigga be eatin' no fish. Y'all know us niggas be afraid of water and shit. Why y'all be gruntin', dog? Shit not be settlin' in your stomach and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. ''(Long pause)'' I'unno.

===Remember Kenan & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08)===
'''Lars:''' So dog, a'ight, a'ight, let's get back, let's get back. Why y'all... Y'all say you ain't afraid of no woman, and y'all want a woman, but... But yo' actions, and even what you just say to me now, show that you want a vidya game more than a woman. I GUESS I feel that shit, y'know what- I lost my virginity at the age of ten and a half. And ever since then I be all up in the poon tang. I be like a poon hound and shit. See I ain't play no vidya games since like, Atari, and shit. Shit be old school.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah-
 '''Lars:''' Back then everything black and white, not just race politics, see? Y'feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So you know, dog, my first time be scary and shit, I only make that bitch cum like two and a half times. See I be all performance anxiety and shit, but I got through it. Y'all gots to be a MAN and shit. Man up. Y'all gots- Y'all be a man? Or y'all be a boy. What y'all be? ''(Pause while Chris decides)''
 '''Chris:''' I be a man.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, see what I'm feelin', and rightfully, righteously, ''rightatiously'' I should not be tellin' you this, because this hurts my chances and shit. But I will tell you in the interest of bros before hos, that if you got rid of that PS Triple, you got rid of it and you never buy another one, Jackie'd probably kick my black ass out the door and shit. You get rid a that PS Triple, I be out on the street, and Jackie be on your doorstep first thing tomorrow morning and shit. That's all the bitch talk about when she talk about you, is the PS Triple. "PS Triple this, PS Triple that." Well sometimes she talked about the lies and shit too, but mostly the PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah... I hear ya, it's- It's a lot. Alright, well- Listen, it's a bit late, and uh... I wanna be gettin' me a good night's- I wanna be gettin' me a good night's sleep. Cuz, you know, gonna be another day tomorrow.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight, I feel you. Yo, yo, dog, yo dog. You know what I'm doin' right now? Now what I'm doin'?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Lars:''' Holdin' up my fist, dog. Solidarity! Peace, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit. So y'all got your vidya games, Jackie- She be all up in that toilet, like another hour or two, shit... I'll tell her to wipe her ass and them come jump on my dick and shit. I'll be like all up in that poontang. Yo, I'll write you an email and shit, tell you all about that poon tang. And you write me an email tellin' me about y'all video games, that way we can exchange and learn from each other's culture, see 'cause I- I be like with a woman and shit, and I can tell you what that be like. And you be playin' vidya games, which I ain't familiar with, and then tell me what it be like to just be playin' video games in your room all day.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause, not getting it)'' Hm.
 '''Lars:''' See, we each have our diferent priorities. See, you want your video games and I want Jackie. I wanna be with Jackie. See dog- Dawg, dawg, dawg, now... I'll let you go soon, I'll let you go soon, cuz I know you tired and shit. I know white people like to go to bed before midnight. But let me ax you something, one more question real quick. I be your nigga and shit, you be my nigga. Y'all be honest and straightforward with me. Now-
 '''Chris:''' I be honest and straightforward.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, now y'all be sayin' to Jackie that you want Jackie and shit. Y'all be sayin' to everyone out there that you want Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' More than anything. But the situation-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I want Jackie more than anything.
 '''Lars:''' The situation be like, you ain't givin' up no vidya games for her. Y'all just want your vidya game. So you can tell me, bro. Tell me, my nigga... Y'all really want Jackie or not? Or do y'all want your vidya games more than you actually want Jackie, if you want Jackie? You can be honest with me now-
 '''Chris:''' I want Jackie- I want Jackie and I want to be able to keep my video games.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeit, dog, that ain't always an option. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Or as we say in nigga culture, "Can't have your [[Wikipedia:Grape soda|grape soda]] and drink it too." Cuz see, black people don't eat cake. It's that devil food, it-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like [[Wikipedia:Orange soft drink|orange soda]].
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, orange soda. That be what white people drink.
 '''Chris:''' You remember [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']]? That was a funny sh- That was a fun show.
 '''Lars:''' Who the fuck Kenan & Kel? That the nigga that owe me money? You tell that fuckin' nigga to give me my fifteen dolla'! You see that nigga? Sheeeit, fake nigga if ever there was one. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' No, I- I'm talking about the show that was on [[Wikipedia:Nickelodeon (TV channel)|Nickelodeon]].
 '''Lars:''' Nickel-lo... What the fuck do that be? That be one of them [[Wikipedia:Nickelodeon (movie theater)|nickel and dime theaters]] from the [[1920s]] and shit? Fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Flapper|flappers]] and shit, [[Homos|women with short hair]]? Sheeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yea- Alright, well I'll let you- Alright, well I'll let you go, it's been- It's been cool hangin' with ya. You my nigga- ''(Lars talks over Chris)''
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, I'ma go fuck Jackie now. I'll talk to you soon, dog, we'll be in touch and shit. Nice meetin' you and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, alright.
 '''Lars:''' Goodnight, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFNyMfrTc_M&feature=related Listen On Youtube]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga]]

28 October 2011

2011-12-21T04:03:12Z

Mrpickles: Markup fix

{{recent}}
On '''28 October 2011''' - a date which will live in infamy - the [[GAMe PLACe]] was suddenly and deliberately attacked by forces of the City of [[CWCville]].

On that fateful Friday evening, around 5:20 p.m.<ref>Based on metadata from Chris's photos</ref>, [[Chris]] and [[Barbara]] visited the GAMe PLACe and had an altercation with its [[manajerk|manager]], [[Michael Snyder]]. Chris took several photos of Michael on that day, and uploaded them to the [[CWCki]] in November. A bit of a delay, but it turns out, he and Barb had been [[jerkop|arrested]] and jailed for various offenses (trespassing, assault, and hit & run). Now both have been charged with a Class 5 Felony, which implies "a '''term of imprisonment of not less than one year''' nor more than 10 years, and ... a fine of not more than $2,500."<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM</ref>

[[File:Chrisverdict.png|thumb|We won't be surprised if this is Chris's verdict.]]

Both Chris and Barb were bonded out on 29 October<ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=323013&searchType=offender</ref><ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=125674&searchType=offender</ref>, with Chris's initial hearing being a week later than Barb's - possibly owing to the extra charge against him. It may also allow for additional information to be gathered about on his record of dealings with Michael Snyder and the GAMe PLACe, and also to consider any [[autism|medical grounds]] that may affect the outcome of any court proceedings against Chris. The Chandlers will be represented in court by [[Wikipedia:Robert B. Bell|Rob Bell]], a Republican member of the Virginia House of Delegates.

This is the first major event that has come to light since the death of [[Bob]] on 6 [[September 2011]].

== The charges ==
Below are the charges brought against both Barbara and Chris, along with details and court dates based on the details from the [http://epwsgdp1.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/captchaVerification.do?landing=landing General District Court Online Case Information System]. At present we do not have a full account of what happened during the incident and under what circumstances the charges were brought against the pair. However, based on at least one previous incident in [[June 2010]], we can assume a rough outline of events.

===Barbara's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a">http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-894</ref>)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, thought to be vehicular damage on the grounds of The GAMe PLACe parking lot.
* '''ASSLT: ON LAW ENF/DOC PERSON''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b">http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-57</ref>)
** Class 6 Felony charge - Assaulting a law enforcement official. It's likely that this occurred when Barb attempted to prevent the police from arresting Chris.

==== Court dates ====
* 31 October 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing is scheduled, at the same time as Chris's.

===Chris's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a" />)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, thought to be vehicular damage on the grounds of The GAMe PLACe parking lot.
* '''ASSAULT: (MISDEMEANOR)''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b" />)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Attempted or actual assault against another person, perhaps [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]].
* '''TRESPASS AFTER FORBIDDEN''' (§ 18.2-119. Trespass after having been forbidden to do so; penalties.<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-119</ref>)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Trespassing on land or within an area from which the offender is forbidden, no doubt due to setting foot in The GAMe PLACe.

==== Court dates ====
* 7 November 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing is scheduled for this date, again at the same time as Barb's.

== Civil suit ==
Michael Snyder also filled a civil suit against both Chris and Barb on 1 November 2011, 4 days after the incident.
The reason for the lawsuit and what damages are being sought is currently unknown besides that it is related to the 28 October event. Barb attended a second hearing on 14 November, a third has been scheduled for 15 December, at the same time as her criminal case hearing. Barb must attend a fourth hearing on 5 January at 1:00 PM.

Chris' case at one point read 'Other Judgement', however, it appears to have been open again. Chris is due to appear in court on 5 January at 2:15 PM, shortly after his criminal hearing.

Before the court hearing, Michael Snyder requested and received a Preliminary Protective Order against both Chris and Barbara. This order is similar to a restraining order, and prohibits Chris or Barb from contacting Michael or engaging in any threatening behavior towards him before the hearing. The order lasts for 15 days.<ref>http://www.dcjs.virginia.gov/victims/documents/podomesticviolence.pdf</ref>

== Aftermath ==
* On 4 November, soon after being bailed out of jail, Chris uploaded the pictures he took of Michael Snyder on the 28th to the CWCki, plastering them on the front page as well as Michael's own article, with Chris presumably doing it as a response to the events at The GAMe PLACe.<ref>[[Special:Contributions/Christianchandler]]</ref> In the respective image descriptions, Chris claimed that Snyder molests children and taunted him for his [[obesity]].

== Photos ==
<gallery>
File:HNI 0020.JPG|Chris's photo of The GAMe PLACe; note that everyone is looking at the camera
File:HNI 0021.JPG|Chris's photograph of Michael Snyder
File:HNI 0022.JPG|Chris's second photograph of Michael Snyder
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb1.png|Barb's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb2.png|Barb's felony assault on a police officer charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris1.png|Chris's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris2.png|Chris's misdemeanor assault charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris3.png|Chris's trespass misdemeanor charge
File:Chriscivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Chris
File:Barbcivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Barbara
</gallery>

==Fan Art ==
<gallery>
File:Chris mug.jpg|Artist's depiction of Chris's mugshot.
File:Chris joker.jpg| Why so serious?
File:TheJoker.png|Oh dear...
File:Chris court sketch.png| An artist provides a theoretical court sketch.
File:Guilty.png|A theoretical reaction to the judgment.
File:RAPSHT-P1.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 1/2)
File:RAPSHT-P2.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 2/2)
</gallery>

==References==
<references />

== See also ==
*[[6 June 2010]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]

[[Category:Events]]

Jackie E-mails 10

2011-06-27T01:44:26Z

Mrpickles:

On Jackie's advice; Chris thinks talking about Sonichu for his reunion will stop trolls, be giving good advice (we love you, Jackie).

Chris speaks of his happy times at Manchester, sounding like he is talking about recent history: such is the obsession and desire to be stuck in 'simpler times'. The e-mail is several times the length of others.

In a bizarre counter-troll effort, Chris makes a ghost story about his 8-year old self and Patti's ghost (suggesting his inner child is dead-- he certainly doesn't need it to be childish) doing to a troll what his tard-fit required to be done to him, including getting a rash and autism.

More evidence that his love-quest is only to prove his straightness.

Forgetting that weeks earlier, they were discussing his video game addiction, Chris tables all other discussions to bemoan the loss of all purchased downloadable contents, and makes plans to get them back, and replay Guitar Hero and all [[Sonic]] titles to get back to where he was. It's not fueling his addiction, because he'll be too busy playing to buy anything new. Jackie points this out. Chris ignores it, compares losing save data to losing a relative (the one whose grave he swore on earlier. Early reports of more tremors from a certain Virginia graveyard have not been verified by the U.S. Geological Survey), says he can change his negative addiction into a positive addiction with Jackie. He still plans to work to recover all game data he lost, as it was, too. Origin of the PS3 Destruction/Reward Plot.

tl;dr - Chris is putting every effort into getting back to the way it was, plus with life-upgrades. He ''demands'' respect from Jackie, as this is him improving himself.

Trolls are now the "Jokers."

===Emails===

{{Email|August 24, 2010 - 10:04pm

Hey Chris! I got the video, so you can take it down from MegaUploader. Thanks for making it so quickly!!

Were you really on the news that night? That's wacky, I watch a lot of news but I never see high school graduations covered on the news, even local news; there's hundreds of schools in any city that have a graduation every year so I don't know why the news would cover them. Why do you think they were recording your graduation specifically? Can you find me a clip of yourself from that night? I'd love to see your graduation.

As for the [[trolling]] forum, I told you last time Chris, whoever those people are they have been around a long time, they can obviously hide themselves so [[Sony]] doesn't find them. You've mailed Sony before, and guess what? They're still there! Ugh, Chris, did you just email Sony and expect the problem to go away? I told you that you need to solve this problem on your own! And I also told you that you need to start things on the forum, too. You know these trolls way better than I do - how am I supposed to just think of something to say if you can't even think of something to say? I can't post on the forum for you, Chris. And Sony can't post on the forum for you, either. How much thought have you really put into trying to come up with something? Any?

sigh... well, anyway, I don't want to sound like a ninny. Let's talk about the video, which I really liked! I think you did a pretty good job with it, there isn't a whole lot I would change. I do think you should try to be a little more emphatic and emotional - you told them how much you care about this, but you should also show them with your body language. Use sweeping hand gestures, that sort of thing. And also make sure to use strong facial expressions, put your heart into it. That will really hook their attention. Hmm... also, one more thing. You say in the video that you are trying to avoid getting trolls' attention with the video. While that's true, the fact is, there probably will be some trolls trying to comment on it anyway, and whether you want their attention or not they'll be there. That's why you should take a slightly different route: Even though it probably sounds odd, I think it would be okay to directly address the trolls briefly. Say something like "Hey trolls, I know you're watching this. Well, I don't care, so go pin a rose on your nose." Do it really smug and happy to show them how you just laugh off their attempts to get to you. That, if anything, is better than just trying not to call attention to them, because they already know you are trying not to. Gotta be one step ahead of them.

Ooh, one more thing: you mention briefly that you are the creator of [[Sonichu]]. I think you should go on a little bit more about Sonichu, because it is a huge thing that you've done. I'm sure your old classmates know about Sonichu, maybe you can recall some of your favorite moments of the comic, and maybe ask them to tell you their favorite moments of the [[comic]], or who their favorite characters are. That will remind them of how much of an artist you are, the good memories will flood back for them!

Ooh, Chris, I can't wait for the drawing! You're my hero right now!! <3 <3 <3

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 25, 2010 - 6:44pm

I will rerecord the video with more emotions a little later (and maybe with a better shirt).

I sense a misunderstanding; I was talking Theoretically on the Graduation being recorded for television; I did not say that it was televised for Certain. Although I am certain there were a number of people in the audience with camcorders, including the families of at least the "C"-named students neighboring me in the lineup. However if I should find a clip of that night and my error, I will let you know about it.

Speaking of which, last night on NBC News @ 11, they talked about Mary Baldwin College and their Military Troop. You may have covered that a bit in your Journalism. ;) They also talked a bit of the grass of the grounds; not sure what specifically.

Talking about Sonichu and my favorite memories is a good idea, especially to shut the trolls up a bit, and give [[True and Loyal Fanbase|the fans]] some good service. I should inform you that I created Sonichu on March 17, 2000; within my Seinor Year at [[Manchester High]], and even then he was just getting started on the CD-Cover of "[[Christian's Favorite Hits]]" that I created in my Computer Graphics Class and Homemade [[Pok'emon]] [[Trading Cards]]. The comics didn't start really until about [[2004]], and the [[Sub-Episodes|Story Formations]] and [[Things Chris has ripped off|other Character Creations]] happened within the Four years. Granted my classmates may or may not have found my comic pages online beyond 2004... Point is the Stories were only Starting Up my Seinor Year, and there was Nothing before then.

Fun Stories, though, my C.O.Y2K, and Computer Graphics Class, classmate, and one of my close friends, Miranda Mitchell, redesigned the "[[CWC's Pok'eSite 2!]]" Logo to the better-looking shiny one that came about later. *See attached Logo JPGs; the "pklg2" was the Original; "cwcpktwo" was Miranda's work. It was an assignment, in partners, of designing Logos for Companies; I did one for Miranda of two Chicks (young chickens) and a Strawberry (fruit) (file not found at the moment, but is printed on a big poster I designed for a later C.G. project). So at least Miranda is (or was at least) aware of Sonichu.

Plus, [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] (attached gif), was Born also in Manchester High (or created in imagination), but during my Freshman Year back in 1996 Litterally while I was reading a "Fear Street" Novel during a Basketball Practice Session while I was a Manager of the Varsity Team. So, in a way, Sonichu and Bionic are like brothers; being born in the same school building. That would be an interesting idea; Bionic the Hedgehog, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s Lost-and-later-found Older Brother who became a well-experienced mechanic and Basketball All-Star for Manchester High, Vs Sonichu, the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pok'emon]] with incredible speeds and Zapping Powers, in an One-on-One Basketball Game.

Lastly, the Troll Forum. I think I misspoke on not knowing what to say or do on the Forum; I was on there last night checking out new stuff, then I suddenly got the ideas in response to what I was reading. "Miranda Cosgrove" on there now fears me, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian]], knowing about the Forum after sending a link to Sony. As "Junior", I played along and replied about Chris boycotting downloading anything new from within [[ModNation Racers]] or [[LittleBiGPlanet]], in response to reading about their plan of planting a spyware virus in a Published Creation of theirs. Plus telling them that Chris may come out of hiding and create a new video, ruining their trite "Christian is Dead" rumor (repeated acts are LAME). Also telling them about me disconnecting my WiFi to keep them from spying on me at random times. And in another post reply, I told them [[Patti]]'s body was buried under cement blocks with the heavy dog house on top of them. And counting all of the surrounding plants, and telling them the fable of pouring cement into the hole as well, it was like "Fort fuckin' Knox". LOL

After that last night (this morning), I formulated more counter-details I can tell them, and I even made up a scary ghost story that happens to Junior.

Junior goes over to my house from the house across from mine (there are literally Five houses across the streets from mine, so if you look at them, you take your pick of which one Junior lives in) with a flashlight one night. He is trekking through the daylilly garden aisles, searching for more bad he can do about the house. When suddenly, he hears a voice, "Hello". He looks around and sees nobody. Then suddenly, he is paralyzed; his ankles and wrists are pulled in his left and right directions, feeling like there were hands holding them down on a floor, and he feels a pair of hands on his Neck too; strangling him, yet he can still breathe. Then the voice comes back, "Hello, Mr. Troll." It is the voice of [[Chris|a child]], about 8 years old. Junior struggles to look around, yet sees nobody. The voice continues, "Do not be afraid of me, like the teachers of the Elementary School were; they did not understand me and my [[Autism|mind]]. I want you to understand my mind..." Right after, Junior sees a lot of [[Nudes|strange images]] going through his mind. Including which were the images of an [[abusive babysitter]] called "Roache" locking him alone in [[Chris's room|a static room]]; a therapy session at James Madison University; the teachers, guidance counsoler and principal of Nathanel Greene Elementary School holding him down and taping his screams and more. Junior tried to scream, but Nothing came out; it was a Scream of Silence.

Next thing he knows, he is knocked back onto the cement block trail of the garden aisle, by the weight of a big dog, yet there was no dog body. Wrists, Ankles and Neck still being hand-held, the child ghost leaves his mind, and then he hears a deep womanly voice, Growling at him as he smells the stench of a dog's breath surrounding his nostrils. The voice says, "Do not mess with my master, my family or me, [[terrorist|you infidel!]]" Next, he feels the sting of the dog biting into both his ankles, one after the other. At that moment, Junior struggles back, leaving behind the lit flashlight he dropped earlier when his arms were being stretched out. And he limps as fast as he can back to his house, closing and locking his door back in, gasping for breath and dripping with sweat. He limps to the bathroom with the shower and looks in the mirror; what a gross mess he looked like. And he noticed a Red Rash on the right side of his neck, and rashes on both his wrists, from the hands that held them in place. And his pant legs were ripped, and he saw on both his ankles rashes and Teeth Marks of a Dog. He tried to scream again, but it was another silent scream. And Junior was unable to speak at all for Four Hours. For he has encountered the Spirits of Young Christopher Weston Chandler and Patti, protecting the Chandler [[House]]hold.

The End.

The hands pinning him down I got from the time I was held down by the same school faculty members of N.G.E.S., and I literally came home with a rash on the right side of my neck; my mom took a photograph of it. I also took speech therapy sessions at J.M.U. during my childhood. I get my horror tale telling from the book works of [[R.L. Stine|Mr. R.L. Stein]]; author of the "Goosebumps" and "Fear Street" Novel Series.

I'm thinking of adding Junior's story to the Forum, as a tactic of scaring the Trolls to stay away and stop messing with me and my family and our household.

I'll TTYL, [[Sweetheart]]. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 25, 2010 - 8:52pm

Hey Chris!

Oh, I misunderstood about the news thing, I thought you meant you knew for sure it was. You might be right though, maybe there is news footage of it somewhere. It'd still be kind of cool to see it.

I really look forward to seeing the final video! You know, you should probably just release it directly on youtube, you don't need to send it to me again. You did such a good job with the first version, once you incorporate the new features I'm sure it will be good to go. And since you got the first version so quickly, I think you can still make the final version by tomorrow at 9:00pm. Remember, the sooner it's up, the sooner your old classmates can see it. I have confidence in your abilities! :)

I like your ideas for feeding misinformation to the trolls, it sounds like you're really coming up with quite a few good ones. Your ghost story is really well thought out, just reading it I could feel the suspense and fear you are trying to put into it - it made me shiver! :) :) I was also looking at a couple more threads today and saw some interesting ones: Here's one about juggalos. <nowiki>http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=87</nowiki>
Did you really wear juggalo make-up? That sounds cute! Maybe you could do it again sometime. It sounds like that got to them when you did it.

Here's another one about rewards they are offering for various stuff: <nowiki>http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=86</nowiki>
One of them is that they are offering $4,000 for a [[gay]] sex video with you in it - they actually want Junior Jenkins to be the one to do it to Chris! They said it wouldn't be a problem for you because of the gay experimentation "jinkies" did in his youth. I don't know how you would be able to fake that one, but maybe we could think of something; maybe use dim lighting and pretend there's two people on the video, some camera tricks or something. Another thing is they are offering a LOT of money for your [[PS3]] to be destroyed. That one would be easier to do , obviously - either one would get you that reward money. Wouldn't it be hilarious if you fooled them and then got money for it? If you destroyed your PS3 you'd probably have to wait a bit to get the money and replace it. Well, either one gets you a lot of [[money]]. What do you think you'd rather do, destroy the PS3 or fake a gay sex video?

Hmm, they also would be willing to pay reward for proof of your straightness, although they don't say how much. Hmm, I'm not sure how you could do that... well, we can think of something.

Anyway, I had another idea after I read your ghost story. A lot of people will probably be skeptical upon reading it. But what if you made another video after your current one where you tell a similar scary story and somehow incorporated it? Tell a story about some time when you encountered eerie stuff like what Jenkins is talking about. Like, do a close-up of your face with the lights out and a flashlight shining up from under your face, and somehow reference the ghost story. My idea is, you tell the story from Jenkins Jinkies perspective, and the trolls will think "yeah, sure, whatever..." but then CHRIS, instead of JINKIES, releases a video that is about the haunting. Suddenly, the trolls see two different people talking about the same supernatural elements... and suddenly they can't just dismiss it. Gets under their skin.

I gotta go now, but your Sonichu stuff sounds interesting too; when I get more time to write I have some more questions to ask about it. I can't wait to see the video up! Talk to you tomorrow sweetie!!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{Email|August 26, 2010 - 8:57pm

Hey Chris, I was kind of hoping you'd write me tonight! I was looking forward to seeing your video [[online]]. Or did you get it up? I actually don't remember the link for your [[youtube]] account. But I kind of was hoping you'd write me to let me know it was up, I thought you'd be excited to do so. Oh well, guess maybe I'll have to go to bed without seeing it...

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 27, 2010 - 2:53am

I apologize for being late in replying; the video is uploading right now, and I'll have the link pasted on the bottom of this e-mail after it's been uploaded.

Thank you for your support in my ghost story; in the Forum, they took it lightly. Although, after my father's reading of the print-outs of their words, he states, "We've got them going 'round in circles." I think the video I did with the face paint is still on my Y.T. Account, and I think I have a photo saved somewhere; uncertain at the moment.

I saw their "Rewards" topic. Firstly, let me inform you that considering MOST of the trolls are immature, underage, demented, twisted, sick, evil and such; the "rewards" would obviously be False. If a troll actually comes up with such "footage" and gives it to someone like [[Clyde Cash]], Clyde would NOT give out any money. So, with that considered, I would never make such a [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|gay video]], or [[The MovingFoward videos|PS3-wrecking video]], for even a Billion Dollars. And with that, I would appreciate it if you would not even think of me making any footage for the Trolls' "Money" ever again, please.

[[Homos#Why_Chris_appears_to_be_gay|Proof of my straightness]] would be a no-brainer. ;) You and Me kissing, cuddling, yada, yada, yada. LOL :)

Right after recording the video, and before re-hooking my router to get back online, I typed a list of my M.H.S. C.O.[[2000]] Classmates' names, with two blank columns for current phone number(s) and address. In the video, I encourage them to snail-mail or telephone my house phone. My father will handle the sorting out the phonies from the real deals with name verification and such. So the list is for him to fill in the blanks of contact info from the calls and letters incoming from my classmates.

I also make a Public Announcement for [[Internet]] Safety and TrollBusting as a second topic in the video.

I have not forgotten the drawing of you and me and the circle-bangers; I'm having trouble getting a good picture in my head of the scenario to be able to draw it. I have some idea, but it's not complete to me yet. [[Chris and Art|I am an artist]], and for my Sweetheart, I want to be able to do my best on the work. But I will try to have a good picture in my head as quickly as possible, and have the drawing ready by Sunday.

[[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|The video is uploaded]]. <nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ-dpgxZruI</nowiki>

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Sweetheart. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 27, 2010 - 8:54am

Ooh, Chris, I'm so excited to see it!!! I just watched it, I think you did perfectly.

I have some more ideas, like I think you should make a video telling a ghost story, to reinforce Jinkie's story on the forum. I have to rush out the door right now but I'll write more detail when I get home later today.

I'm so happy!!

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{Email|August 27, 2010 - 4:17pm

Okay, I have some more time to write now. Long day.

So, I guess maybe it is a long shot to get money out of the trolls, although I still think it would be fun to mess with them. But I fully encourage you to do the ghost story video. Like I said, shine a flashlight up from under your face and have all the lights out, and tell a story about the ghosts like Jinkies did. Obviously don't mention Jinkies or the forum or anything - it has to look like a complete coincidence that you are bringing this up. When they see similar stories coming from two independent sources, they won't be able to dismiss it so lightly.

So your father is going to help you sort out all the stuff from your classmates? Oh, I thought you were going to have me help you, I said I'd like to. The reason I wonder about your [[father]] is just that he's from a time before the internet, so he might not be as capable of spotting phonies... You know, a lot of people communicate primarily through the internet these days, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's how your classmates try to get in touch with you. A lot of people I know prefer to use email because they don't want to send their addresses or phone numbers out where they might not be secure. I know that trolls might - or rather, will probably - try to send false leads to you but that's why I'm here, to help you sort stuff out. If you refuse to accept any email contact, it will severely limit who gets in touch with you.

So you won't have my drawing until Sunday? sigh... well, I want you to do your best with it, so I guess I understand. I'm still looking forward to seeing it.

Hey, you uploaded a new video? [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|Your playstation hard drive was formatted and erased]]? How exactly did that happen? Ouch, I know you had tons of stuff saved on it. So what all did you lose, I'm not clear? Did you lose your saved games and trophies and stuff? What about all that expensive DLC you had for little big planet? You know, this might be actually a blessing in disguise, though. If you've lost all your save data for your games, maybe now you won't be as tempted to keep playing all that stuff. You know that phrase "God works in mysterious ways"? Maybe God saw you were hesitant to walk away from little big planet, and He gave you a little push. Maybe this was all God's doing. Regardless, I suggest you try to take the best out of the situation. Maybe step away from the games for a bit, like we've talked about. (Or maybe now that your games are gone, you'll have extra time to put into getting my drawing done and sending it to me? :) :) :)

Well anyway, I hope you do the ghost story video soon. You can be a really good storyteller when you try to be, I'm excited to see what you come up with!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 27, 2010 - 9:18pm

Jackie, I will address the other topics of your e-mail in my next one, and I promise to have the drawing for you by Sunday.

But to elaborate, for a few weeks, I have been getting error codes and being disabled from downloading video and digital comic contents from the Playstation Store; I've called them a week or two ago to address it for the first time. Yet even up to today, I still have the problem, and it seems only to affect my Main account; not my secondary account. Anyway, in a troubleshooting attempt that was new to me when I called Sony today to possibly kill a corrupt file that may be causing the trouble. I followed the woman's instructions to Restore the System Files. In Miscommunications (with some faulty headphones on her end, and even though trying to make Sure I was taking the right steps, I had a bit difficulty understanding her on my end as well). Anyway, there was an error in the System File Recovery, and the console recommended Formating the Hard Drive, and this is where the misunderstandings come in; I wanted to make sure this was only affecting the System's Hard Drive, not the removable notebook HDD, and that my music, videos, games, saves and all would be safe. She heard "System File Recovery" when I read "Formatting the Hard Drive"; I was thinking "System's Hard Drive" over "Removable HDD". And I clicked "Yes" on the Format, and when the XMB came back up, ALL of my [[Comics|Photos]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Music]], [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|Videos]], [[Games]], Saves, [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|Downloaded DLC]]... GONE! I was in [[Dirty, Crapped Briefs|Major Shock]], but she, Michelle, was kind enough to stay on the line for me while I collected myself. I think it took about 10 minutes to make a bit of sense and retain calm and coolness.

I'm currently still a bit shook up, but I see it as a fresh start again. I will redownload my Game Contents, and I've requested Michelle to see if she can give me credit for the Purchased Videos I've downloaded, so I can redownload them again. I should have gotten a second 500GB External HDD sooner for backing the videos up; can't think of everything (or afford everything soon enough; the new [[Wal-Mart]] has my ideal 500GB WD External HDD at a Rollback of $55, which currently is a bargain for the item.

I'm starting on redownloading all of the Add-Ons, Music and Themes previously purchased, followed afterwards with the Game Software, in order from first item purchased to last (bottom to top). And I've restarted and reestablished my ModNation Racers Profile, and I recollected my Trophies from the Online Server. Plus, I've redownload my MNR creations from Published, and I'll have to replay the whole Carrer to unlock everything again. As for LittleBiGPlanet, I've backed up my profile a few months back, about last April, so all I'll should need to do for that is replay the Marvel Levels to recollect the bits and pieces there.

And I'll replay my [[Guitar Hero]] Games later on, as well as my other Disc games, especially my Sonic the Hedgehog Titles.

Also, I'd like to be able to put this towards you, Jackie, with a Fresher Start on my PS3, you and I, we can make our own music on it together from scratch, in addition to our outings, movie nights and romantic encounters (including Fooly Cooly). ;)

With the events of the day, I feel less constricted by my PS3, and I am able to regain control. With my reconstructing my Game Saves over time, I'll likely be least inclined to purchase any new games, discs or downloadable for a good amount of time.

And I can still spend my sweet time in real life with my Sweetheart, Jackie. ;)

It's good now, and I am recovering well.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
Christian. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3}}

{{Email|August 27, 2010 - 10:17pm

Hey Chris.

Wow, I'm really sorry that this happened. I've had computers crash before, it's a pain in the ass.

But you know, I think it's a bad sign that this seems to be consuming all of your thoughts right now. I mean, yeah, it sucks when a computer crashes and you lose your data. But come on, it's just video games and movies. You're going to get all that stuff back anyway because the [[PSN]] saves records of all your downloads, so what's the big deal? This is barely a hiccup to you. Ever had a computer crash and delete your term paper the day before its due, and if you can't turn it in you'll fail your class? That's a REAL computer problem. I mean, you say you're "shook up" as if you've been in a car crash or something. This is just a temporary inconvenience.

I don't really understand how you say you're less constricted by your PS3 now. You've just written me a giant email that talks about nothing but how dismayed you are by an inconvenient computer error, and explaining in detail how you intend to devote yourself to downloading and replaying all your old games just to get old save files back. Chris, not buying new games is a good thing. But not buying new games simply because you enslave yourself to playing your old games, because you can't stand the thought of not having all your old save files at the ready, is the wrong reason to do it. It all says what I've been telling you: that you're just addicted to video games.

And I understand that you were trying to be romantic by suggesting we make songs on guitar hero together, but considering your addiction problems hearing you say that really just makes me feel kind of sad because you're trying to pull me into that world of darkness, all the while I'm trying to pull you out into the light.

Maybe you should use this time to be constructive. As I say, maybe God is trying to tell you something. Step away from the video games for now. I mean, while you're redownloading a bunch of games that you've already played hundreds of hours in, I'm sitting here waiting for a drawing that you promised to have to me by tonight. :( You should also be spending time doing things like making that ghost story video. I'm not just saying this because these are things you should be doing, but because focusing your mind on other tasks will be helpful in drawing you away from thinking about your little video game hiccup.

Another thing you can do to keep yourself occupied is keep working on the troll forum. I looked back on that thread about the reward money, here: <nowiki>http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=86</nowiki>
There's that girl who was talking about the pink shirted girls, remember? She posted a picture of the cash reward that Clyde sent her. Chris, I think Clyde might be REAL here. He might be insane, but he's actually PAYING these trolls just like he said he would. I know it seemed impossible but he's actually paying people rewards. You can use this, Chris. Make a video that fulfills one of those requirements, like the fake gay sex video or something. Or frankly, I would actually endorse you destroying your PS3 on camera for him, because it would kill two birds with one stone - get reward money from them, and sever a giant chain to your addiction. Chris, this is a perfect avenue you can take to get your mind of your video games. Get some of that reward money! That way you can pay off what you owe your dad, have some spending cash, and show up those morons.

Have you received any contacts from old classmates yet? Remember like I said, just show any you get to me and I'll help you sort the real from the fakes. These are all things you can do to take your mind off of your PS3 glitch. I believe in you, Chris!!

<3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 28, 2010 - 12:51pm

Within the majority of the Save Data that was created with my gameplay from within the past about 3 years, such as within the Guitar Hero games that allowed me to create a game version of myself, while I was playing and creating myself, they were more reflecting of myself during my lonely years of life, and even worse during the years I was having to deal and be tortured by those Trolls.

When I lost all of the Save Data in the Format, I lost the me that was enduring those lonely, hard times; [[Aunt Corrina|it was like I lost a relative]], but what was lost was the Lonely, Considerably Pathetic Me. And behind those emotions, were the Darker reasons behind the gameplay. I have awakened anew, with the anguish of the past three years washed away.

But NOW, I have a more positive turn in my life; my Future with You, Jackie. And from this point on, my gameplay on my PS3, which was tainted in the darkness of loneliness, can now be gameplay of the Light of Happiness from the Romance between you and me.

Yet, you are right, Jackie, during the immediate Post-Death of the Lonliness and Anguish, I can and will use my Refreshed Energy to focus on the immediate, more important needs and details of life, including the Take Down of the Trolls, while the Software Data is being redownloaded.

Granted, I may be inclining, or have inclined, speak of new gameplay to recover game data that HAD my old self in them, that is NOT the case. I am moving forward towards a brighter future, and I will not be tied down again by self-pity and anguish that once was there and which will NOT be emotionally recreated.

Jacklyn, I had spent my money on the store and new games, because I did not have a Sweetheart to spend on and shop for. But now that you are in my life, and our future is certain, I will better dedicate my funds to US and Our future together. With the Emotional Anguishes GONE in the wind For Real now, Gaming has once again been reduced to a Hobby for me. I promise you, Sweetheart, from this day forward, the Main Topic will always be about You And Me.

I have read and looked over the reward topic page you have linked me to. I have come to a decision, I Will Destroy my PS3 Console with a Brick, and I will have it video-recorded. I have another friend who can pretend to be Junior Jenkins to record it in action, in my own backyard. I have backed up my MNR and LBP Data, plus I've found I've backed up a LOT of the game data last February on a Flash Drive, NOT including Guitar Hero World Tour and beyond, with the Custom Player features. The console was old anyway, and with the reward, I can get the newer, slimmer version and begin anew on IT instead. But out of respect, I am going to keep the removable cover I've decorated with my [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|self-game cover]] printed decals as a momento, and I have removed the 500GB HDD, which I understand and accept will be reformatted when installed into the new PS3. And I can still access my PSN accounts, with Three Less Out-of-US accounts I've lost the passwords for long ago; I've been relogging into them, because the passwords were saved onto the console. Give Me Respect; I AM going to do this, and I will use the majority of the 9K to pay back my father. I am trusting you to keep this information confidential, less the Removable Cover with the Decals; I will reveal in the Video that I will be keeping that as a momento.

*sigh*

I will make the call to my friend shortly after this e-mail, and I'll have to be leaving soon for lunch with my father. But let me address the remaining topics in your previous e-mails briefly before I wrap this up.

I have the idea for the drawing, and I am Ready to draw it; you will have it in an e-mail tonight around 9 or 10:00. My father has declined aiding me in taking the phone calls from my classmates; we've been getting mostly [[Prank calls|the Jokers]] anyway, so no classmates yet. I will add a comment to the video to send me e-mails in addition to calling and snail-mailing me. I will give great consideration to me telling the Ghost Story.

I have to go now. I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe and Sweet, Jacklyn. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 28, 2010 - 2:53pm

Hey Chris!

Well, I can kind of understand where you're coming from. In fact, I think maybe I kind of misunderstood what you were saying before. You see me as the light in your life Chris? Oh my goodness, that is so incredibly sweet of you. I feel the same way about you, Chris! I'm so happy you are able to express yourself to me like this. I feel so close to you. I am so glad that I've given you this hope and happiness Chris. I was worried for a bit that my message about your video games wasn't getting through, but I see now I was wrong to doubt you. I can understand why your lonely video game times have provoke such strong memories for you. But the fact that you are strong enough to recognize that you have a new outlook on life is so amazing and inspiring.

Oh Chris, you've made me feel like the most special girl in the world... ;) ;) ;)

Oh my god, you're going to destroy your PS3?? That is amazing, Chris!! So you're going to smash it with a brick? Here's how I suggest you do the video: First, you're going to need to be in costume and with a mask on (remember, since "Jinkies" is the one smashing it, not Chris). Then, on the video, do a close-up of the PS3 intact, and say that you're going to remove the custom cover and hard drive as trophies of your victory over Chris. Video tape yourself removing those parts and putting them aside. Then, take your brick, and bring it down hard on the console. Have the camera show clearly you smashing it, over and over and over. Don't stop until every last part of the console has been ground into shards or plastic and metal. Remember, they're offering a lot of money, so they'll want to see the job done thoroughly and perfectly; make sure it's clearly shown that NOTHING from the console survived (aside from the cover and hard drive, obviously). Then, hold the cover up next to your masked face and give a thumbs up and say something like "you got trolled, Chris." The reason I want you to be so meticulous and thorough about this is because we want them to be so completely ecstatic over this... that after you've received their money, when you make a new video showing how you fooled them all, it will DEVASTATE them.

Who is your friend that you're going to get to help you? Do you mean Samantha? I hope she's able to help you. Although if she can't, maybe you can just set the camera on a stationary surface while you do it. Do you have a tripod for it? That might actually be better than having a person hold the camera, because the video will be much clearer if the view is stationary.

So anyway, I'm glad that you're going to be responsible with your reward money. Paying off your dad and putting much of it in savings is definitely the right thing to do. If you want to get the new PS3, that's definitely cool, you'll certainly have earned the right to splurge a bit on yourself. I never wanted to cut out your video games completely, video games are perfectly fine if you can manage them. But the fact that you're willing to destroy your current one and be without it for a couple days until you get your money shows that YOU are the one in control of them, not the other way around. YOU are the one choosing what to do. I'm so proud of you, Chris.

So your father doesn't really want to help with fishing out your old classmates? Well, like I said, I can help you instead. If you get any phone messages, just give me the phone numbers and tell me what they say and I can help you spot the fakes, look them up to see if they are who they say they are. Same thing with emails - just forward me any emails you get and I can look them over. Your father is probably busy, but I certainly have some time to help, and I'd love to do it for you too. You've been making so many sweet gestures for me recently, it's the least I can do ;)

I can't wait to see my drawing!!! I'm excited to see what you make it out to be. Oh, I feel so happy right now, Chris!!

XOXO

Jackie}}

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 10]]

Regina e-mails

2011-06-14T00:39:32Z

Mrpickles:

[[File:Recession.jpg|right|thumb|In the Regina e-mails, Chris comments on the economic recession.]]

'''Regina Novakova''' was a [[Molvania|Czech]] student studying abroad at [[UVA]]. She had her father's help to purchase [[Chris]]'s ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s [[online]] over [[eBay]] and the two soon began communication regarding the transaction.

Unfortunately for Regina, Chris took this opportunity to start his perverted advances over someone who never expressed an interest in him to begin with. The tone eventually shifted and Chris became his usual lazy self and then discontinued all contact.

These emails take place from 25 [[September 2009|September]] to early [[October 2009]], right around the time [[Barbara|Snorlax]] was [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_9th,_2009|battling AIDS]], and also in the midst of the whole [[Gregg Mays]] thing.

==Correspondence==
====First contact====
{{EmailReply|My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I was just in touch with your father, [[Wikipedia:Rorschach (comics)|Walter Kovacs]], and he has informed me that I will be exchanging the business of him buying the two Guitars from me on eBay with you. The total amount due is 110.99, cash only if picking up in person, please. He was unsure of your phone number, if you have one, but if you have one, you may call me back at 434-760-0848.

What is your name, if I may ask? And he says you are going to a university here in Virginia; are you going to [[University of Virginia|UVA]] in [[Charlottesville]]?

I await your call or reply.

Have a nice day.
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

====Addendum to first contact====
{{EmailReply|Upon personal pick-up, the total without shipping is 91.99}}
====Regina appears====
{{Email|Hey!!!!

You caught me at the perfect time!! I was just checking my emails before going out!

Yeah, he doesn't know my phone number cause I don't have one yet :( I just moved here from [[Molvania|the Czech republic]] as a foreign student and I haven't got a cell phone yet. We've been communicating by Skype. It's a nightmare!!!! I want to get a contract but I have to get all this extra visa stuff sorted out!

I am totally going to UVA! BA in philosophy! It looks hard but I am up to the challenge.

My name is Regina by the way. I see from your email that your name is Christian! That's totally cool cause my brother's name is Christian. But in Czech we spell it Kristian.

So I'll get my dad to wire me the money. I am pretty busy sorting out official stuff and meeting new people. Is it possible we can set up a meet in a week or so? Is that too late? I really hope not! Thanks by the way!!!!

If I can get this cell nightmare worked out I will send you the number ASAP!!

Have a great day!!!!!
Regina}}
====Chris the philosopher====
[[Image:ECP_00015.jpg|thumb|Chris attached this image. It may as well have served as a warning.]]
{{EmailReply|It is nice to make your acquaintance, Regina. A meeting in a week is good. It is so cool you are going to UVA, because it is only about half to a full hour from my house in [[Ruckersville]], North of UVA up [[Wikipedia:Interstate 29|29]].

I have talked on Skype before, it can be a pain sometimes with [[Autism|miscommunications]] and the fees to call a phone number sometimes. At least it is one way to be in talking touch.

I went to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], where I got an Associates Degree and a Certificate in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] in [[2006]]. I would use the computer program to design 3D rendered models of mechanical parts and buildings. I even finished my final CADD class with a bang designing a [[CWCville Mall|Whole Shopping Mall]], Two Stories and a [[Mayor's Office]] on the second floor looking over the front entrance. It is huge. :)

I sometimes have [[CWCFlyingElephants|philosophical thoughts]], although I'm not all that knowledgeable in philosophy, perhaps you can inform me about it, even as your own review for your tests/exams.

I look forward to talking with you more and [[Sex|meeting you]]. Please tell me more about yourself in your next message, and I will tell you more as well. Also, I've attached a current photo of myself to this e-mail.

TTYL. :)
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====About Regina====
{{Email|About me? Well, I like [[Sonichu's Edge|running]], [[video games]] and [[music]]. But I really don't have much time for them. I spent a lot of time working in my father's company in the past. He used to get me to help him with [[English]]. He is learning but he still isn't very good yet, as you might have noticed. But now I have come to America to study! I'm from [[Wikipedia:Liberec|Liberec]] in the Czech Republic, but me and my family moved to Prague when my father started his company. Have you ever been to Prague? It's amazing!

I know a lot about philosophy! I love it!!! I have studied it forever. I can't wait to learn more by going to university!

I never heard of CADD before, I had to look it up lol. Do you work as a designer or something?

Till later.
Na shledanou (That's Czech)
Regina.}}
''Na shledanou'' means "Good bye."
====Still selling?====
{{Email|Hey did you get my last email?

Haven't heard from you in a bit. Are you still going to sell me your guitar hero controllers? I was thinking of collecting them Monday the 5th, cause I have lots of free time then.

Let me know.

Yours,
Regina.}}
====Tiny hints of creepiness====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying to you; I hadn't checked my e-mail over the weekend. The last e-mail I got from you was the one I last replied to. Did you get the picture I sent you? You may need to resend the last e-mail you said you sent.

Anyway, yes I still plan to sell you the guitars; Monday the 5th is good. We can meet up at the Barracks Road [[McDonalds]] at about 2 or 3 PM, and after the business, you and I can [[Rape|hang out for a while]].

Tell me, do you live in one of the dormatries around the UVA, or do you have your own place? And I still would like to hear more about you.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Slightly larger hints of creepiness====
{{EmailReply|Wow. :)

You learned [[Chris and English|english]] before your father, and you help him learn it, that is cool. What does he manufacture or do in his company? And how about your mother, does she still live with him? I have not been to Prague, but I'll look it up, and you can tell me more about it from your Point of View.

I am an avid designer, yes, yet [[Monthly tugboat|it's kinda hard to get such a job]] around Charlottesville at the time. I am also an [[Chris and art|artist]]; I will be delighted to share with you my [[Sonichu (comic)|original drawings]] and other artworks.

Gmail is okay; I was [[Jack Thaddeus E-Mails|in contact before]] with [[Jack Thaddeus|someone]] who had one; one or two pieces of e-mail get misplaced a bit, but we sorted out the miscommunications.

As for the McDonalds I was referring to, there is only one Barnes & Nobel Bookstore in Charlottesville; find it, and that McDonalds is nearby.

I'm currently living with my [[Barbara|mother]] and [[Bob|father]], but I too am looking forward to getting a place of my own, or sharin' a pad with my girlfriend (if I had one; I'm [[Virgin with rage|single]]). If things work out for you, I would be happy to be your roommate and help out.

A bit more info about myself, I'm 5'10", about [[Obesity|average body type]], [[Hetereochromia|my left eye is blue/right eye is green]] ([[Honest content|I had pink eye in my right during High School]], and my perscribed eyedrops changed its pigment), my hair is brown, my favorite color is blue/favorite shade is Crayola's "Battery-Charged Blue", I enjoyed reading [[R.L. Stine|R.L. Stein's]] "Goosebumps" and "Fear Street" books during my teenage years, my favorite movie of all time is "[[Mary Poppins]]", and my favorite food is [[SpaghettiRoutine|Macaroni & Cheese]].

I gtg, but I look forward to your next message and replying to it. :)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Chris.}}

====More about Regina====
{{Email|Yeah, my dad grew up under [[CWCville|the Communist system]]. So he had to learn Russian because they didn't teach English back then. He does really well though. His company makes clay and ceramic tiles by the way. Among other things.

Prague is one of the greatest cities in the world! We call it the Paris of the East. I attached a picture I took from my graduation trip. For a party we took a boat trip on the [[Wikipedia:Vltava|Vltava]] and I took this picture of the castle. It was such an awesome day. There are so many things to see and do. It is quite possibly the best place in Europe. But it feels good to get away for a while.

That's too bad about the jobs. I guess this financial crisis makes it hard to find work. It must be hard to make ends meet. I guess not a lot of people are building things so it must be hard to work as a designer. Do you do like freelance stuff? Cause I guess that would be REALLY hard to find work.

I guess I can look that McDonalds up on google maps or something. I'll find it. I just don't know cause I never eat there. Barnes and Noble is a book store right?

You're looking for a place too? I'm trying to find a 2 bedroom apartment around UVA for around 800$. I'm not sure how realistic that is yet. Most of the people I know are staying with family to keep things cheap. I'm kinda lucky cause my dad can help out and I saved up a lot. I'm trying to convince some of my friends so if they turn me down, I'll let you know. Are you a [[Chris' room|tidy]] guy? Do you [[Tobacky|smoke]]? Do you like [[Chris's Big Night Out|parties]]? I like to have the occasional party.

I guess I can tell you a bit more about me. I'm blond with brown eyes. I'm pretty short. Only 161 centimetres. I'm sorry cause I'm really not used to these American measurements yet so I don't know what that is in inches...

I have to admit, I have never heard of any of those books. I read a lot of [[CWCville|Kafka]]. I didn't like him at first but I gradually grew to like him. He's Czech so we had to read a lot of his books in school. I've never heard of Mary Poppins. I don't really watch American movies. I like them but most of the films I watch are European. I've heard many things about macaroni and cheese. But I'm kind of hesitant to try it. American cheese scares me. I have a CRAZY love for PEANUT BUTTER though.

What's pinkeye?

Na shledanou!
Regina.}}
====Chris rambles about himself====
{{EmailReply|To answer your questions, I consider myself a [[Chris and health|tidy person]], I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]], and I like parties ([[Alcohol|I'm a social drinker]]). Yet I'm willing to stay dry to be a desiginated driver.

I do a bit of freelance artwork, I was hoping to save this until when we met in person, but I am the [[Chris and copyright|original creator]] of the Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokemon|Pok'emon]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and their city of [[Cwcville]], VA. I have been internet famous for a few years, so I have [[Trolls|fans]] and [[Clyde Cash|internet bullies]]. The main Official Websites for Sonichu and Rosechu are [[CWCipedia]], Cwcipedia/CWC's Sonichu Site, and my Current [[YouTube]] account, "ChristianWChandler". Other similar websites that may be similar or calim to be "Official" are NOT. I am planning on getting paper-published soon, and there is no Official Merchandise available yet. I have all the original page drawings and my other original artworks here at my house.

And the Pinkeye, as stated on the "Pinkeye" article on [[Wikipedia]], "[[Wikipedia:Conjunctivitis|Conjunctivitis]] (commonly called "pink eye" or "Madras eye") is an inflammation of the conjunctiva (the outermost layer of the eye and the inner surface of the eyelids), most commonly due to an allergic reaction or an infection (usually viral, but sometimes bacterial)."

Getting back to your last e-mail, clay and ceramic tiles, that is cool. I have a cousin who used to sell ceramic pieces and statues, but he gave that up to become the Sheriff of his hometown. My father is a retired Engineer from General Electric (GE); he also was the Designer of the controls of the Plastic-Molding Machines, so without him, you would not have the plastic on your PC's keyboard, or the plastic on the [[Obesity|2-Liter soda bottles]].

I enjoyed the picture of the Vitava castle you sent me, thank you. :) I'm happy you were able to enjoy it.

<nowiki>Also, I just checked the math; at the rate of 2.5 cm = 1 inch, and 12 inches = 1 foot, 161 cm = 64.4 inches, whichs makes you about 5 feet, 4.4 inches. You're only just under 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than me.</nowiki>

Oh, and Barnes and Nobel IS a bookstore. Let me give you a directional piece, if you know where the interception of Ivy and Emmet is; down the road by UVA's "The Corner", passing by the road leading to the Alderman Library, ending by the Soccer Field and Tennis Courts. You go North on Emmet, and continue down until you see a Taco Bell on the left side, the McDonalds, Barnes & Nobel and the Barracks Road Shopping Center those are in are just beyond the [[Chloe|Taco Bell]]. You also pass the [[Greene County Conspiracy|John Paul Jones Arena]] on the way.

I may be able to help you on your apartment search. there is a website, http://www.craigslist.com, you go there, look up Virginia, then Charlottesville, then Apartments, they have listings from people who want to rent or sell apartments and other things.

You can look up Goosebumps and Fear Street at the libraries around town, under the "Young Adults" section, if you're looking for something new to read. I have read Franz Kafka a bit in High School; we read
"[[Wikipedia:The Metamorphosis|Metamorphasis]]". I enjoyed the comparisons between the busy salesman life he had, and what it would feel like to be a bug; so miniscule in life, with a lot of people stepping on you here and there.

Mostly, Macaroni and Cheese is made with Chedder, or sometimes it can be made with Swiss. And I enjoy the occasional peanut butter sandwich, it is a [[Chris_and_health#Nutrition|healthy choice]]. :)

Do you have a headshot photo of yourself you can share with me, please? I shared my headshot with you, and I would feel better if I can get a preview of your face. Also, I am 27 years old, how about you? And are you a bit of a drinker too?

I'm only curious. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL, Chris.}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that====
{{Email|Ok, that's cool that you are tidy. If my friends don't pull through, I'll keep you in mind.

Ok, so I'm a bit confused. Pokemons are those Japanese card game things right? So you designed some characters for these [[cards]] or video games? That's pretty cool. Does [[sonichu]] or [[rosechu]] mean something in Japanese? This isn't my computer. It belongs to my aunt (she's the family member I'm living with) and she needs it for work a lot. So I will have to check out your portfolio site or whatever later.

Pinkeye sounds really [[Honest Content|gross]].

Ok, thanks for the directions. I will see if I can get my friend to swing by with her car on Monday and we'll go pick them up. I don't think it will be a problem.

Thanks for the advice about Craigslist. I had already been checking it. I'm looking at a few possibilities.

Thanks for the book recommendations too, but I don't think I'll have time to check those out. I'll probably be too busy reading philosophy books for university. So you read Kafka? Only The Metamorphosis? My favourite from him is [[Wikipedia:The Trial|The Trial]]. Have you read it?

I tried one of these easy to make macaroni and cheese boxes last night. It was pretty horrible. I had to first get over the fact that the cheese was a powder, then I tried to eat it. I really didn't like it. My aunt eats it though. I just can't seem to get used to American cheese. Especially powdered. You don't make it like in Europe.

A headshot? Like for actors? I don't have any professional photos like that, but I can attach a normal one. I guess it makes sense cause you will have to recognise me. Here's a picture of me and my brother. This is from the last time we went camping.

I'm 20 years old. Which means I can't [[Alcohol|drink]] here. I like to have social drinks. In the Czech republic you can drink at 18. So It's really annoying. So sometimes I just drink with my friends at home when we can find someone who is old enough to get us a bottle of wine.

Talk soon I hope.

Na shledanou,
Regina.}}
====Random access humor demonstration====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your picture. You are soo cute and pretty. :)

FYI, Pokemon started as a video game on [[Nintendo]] Game Boy, then it became an anime, followed by the Trading Card Game. Sonichu and Rosechu are not japanese names, although the inspiration for "Sonichu" came from Sonic the Hedgehog's japanese name, "Soniku".

I will look up and read "The Trial", thank you for recommending it to me.

They have Macaroni and Cheese premade in the frozen food aisle of the grocery stores, I personally recommend the Marie Calandar brand; it is good, and it's inexpensive.

Maybe after you and I meet, I can come by your place and bring a spot of wine or something for you. ;)

I talked to my father about you a bit, and my father went on with his stories of Czechoslovakia; he's been a bit around the world, and he studies his atlases and maps. He informed me about what had happened there during the WWII and such. Clearify it for me and him, is the country split up like Czech and Slovak Republics, or is it still combined to Czechoslovakia?

Also, my father had some friends back in the late 1970s who were from Czechoslovakia; they had left there for America illegally, so they could never go back. Anyway, my dad and mom enjoyed conversing with them, and they all would also share the [[Wikipedia:Slivovitz|Slivovitch]] (Plum Brandy) they would bring over. He really enjoyed it, it came in this perfume bottle-shaped bottle with plums on the label. Locally, the closest place to find the Slivovitch, as far as my dad knows, is just north in Maryland.

You would likely have an enjoyable conversation of Czechoslovakia, or the Czech Republic, with him. I'm not all that knowledgeable in geography personally, but I can learn.

Another little something else about me, I can be funny; sometimes I'll [[Random Access Humor|think of something silly, witty or random]] that makes me and my family smile and/or laugh about. Like for example, I used to go on about people with [[HippoOnYourHead|Hippopotami on their heads]]. :D Or this man from Nantucket who had on his head a bucket. :D Even a Lawer named Tom Sawer who had a daughter named Sue. :D And recently a silly song line of [[RandomSong1|a cow named Moo]], "Hey there, Moo, wha'cha gonna do? Are you gonna give me some milk today? Moo. Moo." :D

And sometimes, I like to take words, spell them backwards and say them like that. My name, "Christian Weston Chandler" would be "[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]". Or your name, "Regina Kovacs" would be "Scavok [[Niggos|Aniger]]". And sometimes, I take numbers and replace letters in words with them. 1 can be I, L or J. 2 can be Q, R, S, Z. 3 can be B, E, M, N or W. And so on for the other single digits; all it takes is a spot of imagination. I can spell my first name as [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|CH2127143]] from CHRISTIAN.

I'll stop for now, and I understand if you're feeling [[Slow-in-the-minds|confused]] from the wordplay. But I can be quite creative and clever.

So our meeting is set then, Monday the 5th, 2:00 PM, at the Barracks Road McDonalds. We can get the guitar business done, then sit, talk and I'll be happy to treat you for lunch. I look forward to seeing you, and I feel this can be a good friendship. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Love and Peace,
Chris.

P.S.

BTW, "Na shledanou", is that Czech for "Love" or "Sincerely"?}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that bullshit====
{{Email|Hey thanks for the compliment! I think I am a little too thin though. It's not a very good pic though. I didn't bring my computer with me cause I need to buy a new one, so I saved most of my stuff on CDs before I came. That's the only one I could find of me. Somewhere around here I have pics from my graduation which are really cool but I don't know where.

So is this Soniku thing pretty [[Chris and money|profitable]]? I always wondered if people who design stuff for video games make a lot of money and if it is hard work or a lot of fun. Designing video games sounds like something that would be fun, but I have zero artistic talent and I don't think I could ever master all this digital design stuff. I just like playing them.

To be honest, I think I will steer clear of macaroni and cheese for the time being. [[America]]n cheese in general isn't really appealing to me. It's all processed and everything. It doesn't seem like it would be all that good for you. But I don't really know. I'm just not a fan.

Wine is pretty good. I like white. Do you know any American brands that are really good wine? I have tried a couple from California but I want to get a good sampling. You don't need to buy me any, I think you could get in trouble or something right? My country is better known for beer, though I am not the biggest fan of it.

I don't understand if you said your dad has been to the Czech republic or he knows a lot about it. I can certainly clarify it for both of you! In [[1989]], communism ended in what we call the sametová revoluce, think in English it's called the soft revolution or the [[Wikipedia:Velvet Revolution|velvet revolution]] or something like that. Then, a couple of years later, there was a referendum and we decided to split up. On January 1st [[1993]], we became two countries again.

Your dad has tried slivovica! And he enjoyed it! That's great! We make many of these drinks from other fruit too. We call them pálenka. I like slivovica too. Have you tried it?

I am not so sure that I understand this humour. Why did the people have hippos on their heads? And does the cow belong to this lawyer? I think you will have to explain these a bit more to me. One thing I have a lot of trouble with is American jokes. Czech humour is very different. Don't worry though, I don't think you would understand many Czech jokes. I have tried telling some to my friends and no one ever laughs.

My name isn't actually Regina Kovacs, it's Regina Novakova. Walter isn't my real father. He married my mum when I was very small. My father died in an accident before I was born but I kept his name. Walter is the only dad I've ever known though. I guess that isn't as interesting if you spell it backwards.

I would be happy to have lunch with you. I don't really like McDonalds though. I find their food to be really bad. One of my friends and her boyfriend may be driving me though. Can she come too? That's not certain yet. I may borrow my aunt's car if she doesn't need it.

Actually "na shledanou" just means "goodbye". I guess that's kind of formal. If you want to be friendlier, you can just say "čau" or "pápá". Love in Czech is "láska" and "I love you" is "miluji tě". I guess if you are looking for an equal to a closing in a letter you would say something like "upřímně váš" but that's kind of formal too.

Ok, sorry, no more language lessons.

Čau! :)
Regina}}
====Chris rambles like a motherfucker====
{{EmailReply|I got your last e-mail on [[October 2009|October]] 1. :) BTW, that was my mother's birthday too; she's 68 now. I've been busy lately, and I apologize for not replying sooner. I would have replied yesterday, but [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2009|my mom came down ill]] (thought to be food poisioning at first but it's confirmed to be [[Barbara_Chandler#Recent_health_problems|colitis]]; a colon infection); had to be rushed to the Martha Jefferson Hospital. She is still recovering, and she is feeling better now.

Now, in response to your last e-mail, firstly, I think your figure looks great; I would not change it. ;) And more pics of you would be good, I look forward to seeing your Graduation Pics.

Sonichu can be profitable, but the plan is to get paper published with a comic book company like Archie or Marvel (or self-publish if they refuse me), then my comics can be mass-printed, sold, and merchandise and profits to follow.

I'm not all that a video game designer, but I have had experience with part and building desiging on the CADD programs, as well as in-video game designing, such as the level-creation-styles of [[LittleBigPlanet]]. And before then with in-game customizations with games such as [[Animal Crossing]], [[Wikipedia:Jet Set Radio|Jet Grind Radio]], [[Wikipedia:F-Zero GX|F-Zero GX]], and others. I'm also looking forward to the upcoming [[ModNation Racers|Modnation Racers]]. BTW, you said you play video games too, which console(s) do you own? If you have a PS3, we can be exchange [[PSN]] Online IDs and communicate through there too.

I've just started drinking last June; my first drink was a [[Chris's_Big_Night_Out|Long Island Iced Tea]]; Delicious. :)P I've enjoyed the tastes of a local wine I sampled from a local winery. I've also tasted [[Wikipedia:Mike's Hard Lemonade Co.|Mike's Hard Lemonade]], [[Wikipedia:Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch)|Budwiser]], [[Wikipedia:Miller Brewing Company|Miller]], [[Wikipedia:Anheuser-Busch_brands#Michelob|Micolobe]], [[Wikipedia:Samuel Adams (beer)|Samual Adams]] and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour. I have not yet tried the Slivovich

From the jokes I told you, most were word-play jokes; the hippo joke was just silly. :D No, the lawer did not own the cow; those two scenarios were seperate. "Lawyer" and "Sawyer" rhyme, and what does a lawyer do? "Sue" someone. I'll sing the cow lyric for you on Monday when we meet; it's funnier when heard anyway.

Your friends may come for lunch too. I can think of three other good places: CiCi's Pizza has good pizza, salads, soups and desserts; all you can eat. Tropical Smoothie Cafe has good flatbread sandwiches that come with your choice of chips or fruit, and their smoothies are tasty too. Baja Bean has some good mexican food. I'm also open for your suggestions, or what you feel like then.

I'm sorry to hear that about your original father, but at least you had Walt to be your emotionally supportive dad, and you still have your mother too. :) It's always good to count your blessings.

[[Chris and religion|Do you go to church]]? I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Wesley United Methodist Church]], south-bound on Emmet St. beyond the tennis courts, across from the UVA parking garage there. I was baptized there Mother's Day of 2008; my father and I are Methodists, and my mother is Presbertyrian.

Do you have siblings? I have two half-brothers and one half-sister. My mother had [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]; a movie reviewer in New York City, currently living with his girlfriend and her family. He also has a website, [http://www.colesmithey.com http://www.colsmithey.com]. My father had [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]]. Alan is an Optomologist in Chesterfield County; he is married and has a daughter; her name is Savannah. Carol has a PHD and Degree in Math, and last my father and I heard, she was working with the Government in DC; Top Secret Stuff. Seriously, I HAVE NO INKLING of where in DC she is or what's she been up to.

Does your mother work too, or is she a housewife? My mother held a number of Secretarial jobs; most recent was at First North American National Bank (Partnered with Circuit City) where she worked in Recovery. She's retired now; she used to be an adequate homemaker, but since she retired, she's been taking it easy a lot.

BTW, my father's name is Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., and my mother's is Barbara Anne Weston Chandler.

And I have a number of aunts, uncles and cousins I'll be happy to tell you about at a later time. Please feel free to tell me some about your family and y'alls history.

Also, I am 1/32 [[Cherokee]], from my father's side; I am also part English, British and French (British and French from my mother's). My family tree includes the Boleyn family; [[Anne Boleyn]], one of King Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to Queen Elizabeth I. Anne was related in an Aunt-Sense; my mom and I are more directly linked to her sister, Mary Boleyn. At least, as far as my mother found in her family's history. the next link she found was Richard Weston, First Earl of Portland. I'm still trying to find the link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn. Anyway, another one of my ancestors after Richard was the dude who bartered for the Mayflower for the English People to board and take that famous Pilgrimage.

I'll stop there for now.

Anyway, our meeting is settled then; this coming Monday at the Barracks Road McDonalds at 2:00 PM. We'll make the business exchange of the guitars for the $90.99, USD, then we'll hang out with a spot of lunch. :)

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe and Take Care,
Cau,
Chris.
(I do not know how to type in an acented letter from my keyboard or AOL e-mail)}}

====Regina drops some hints====
{{Email|Hey Christian. I am at a friends house right now. I am a little bit drunk because we have been drinking some wine her dad gave us. Please excuse any spelling errors. :)

That is pretty cool about your Soniku thing. I hope you get it published. I still havent seen [[CWCipedia|your website]]. I guess I should check it out if you are famous for it or something.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Is she ok? It sounds pretty serious. What happened exactly?

When I get home from my friends house I will send you some grad photos. I have what I think is the perfect dress.

Yeah I figured the joke you were talking about would be better in person. Do you have any more examples? Im trying to understand as much as possible. Oh, feel free to correct my English too, I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to languages.

Ok, so we can meet at McDonalds and then go somewhere else. I really dont want to eat there. The taco place you mentioned sounds pretty cool. I dont think my friend and her boyfriend will be coming.

As for video games, I have a PS3 and mostly just play guitar hero. Thats why we are buying the controllers from you. Cause me and my friend are really competitive. We want to compete against each other.

[[Megan_Schroeder#Megan_Saga|Ugh, there is this really fat ugly guy at this party who keeps touching me and annoying me by talking about some stupid drawings he does.]] Hes really an idiot. Luckily my friend keeps shooing him away.

I dont really go to church a lot. I went to a Catholic secondary school. But in the Czech republic, religion is not all that popular. Ive never really found all that much reason to go to [[church]]. I dont know what methodism is. Im kind of a Christian Existentialist anyway. I really like [[Wikipedia:Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]].

Anyway, my thumbs are getting tired from typing this on my friends iPhone so I think I will get back to partying. Ill send you the pictures tomorrow.

Ahoj!!! :)
Regina}}
====Nazi joke====
{{Email|Hey, sorry for last night. I was in no state to be sending emails. I was kind of just doing it to look busy so [[Christian Weston Chandler|that guy]] would stop bothering me. I didn't really answer all your questions!!!!

So, in addition to the stuff I mentioned last night:

I do have some siblings. There is my brother Kristián I mentioned before, and my little sister Kateřina. Kristian is 25 and just started his own company. Kateřina is 15 and still attending secondary
school. My mom does work. She has a dog grooming business. My ancestors haven't done anything special. At least not that I know of. Maybe they have but Novák is such a common name in the Czech republic
the relation would be insignificant. I would check my Dad's side but Kovač is even more common than Novák. I don't like to be judged on my [[Anne Boleyn|family]] [[Daniel Weston|history]] anyway and prefer people assess me for what I do.

I have a Czech joke for you:
 During the Nazi occupation, a Gestapo officer drags a Czech man into a prison and says "lock him up!"
 The clerk asks, "what did he do?"
 The Gestapo officer says "he shouted '[[Michael Snyder|Jews]] out! Germans in their place!'"
 The clerk says "why did you arrest him for that? That's the new law!"
 The Gestapo officer says "he was in a Jewish cemetery!"

It's not the best joke but it's the only one that anyone has understood when I told it to them. Do you have any more jokes to consider before we meet?

So, at the Barracks road McDonalds at 2pm. Please expect that I will be a little late.

Hopefully I will hear from you by email before then. OK? :)

Get the guitars ready xixixi.

How is your mom doing?

Oh... and picture attched.

Čau čau!!!
Regina.}}
====The meeting arranged====
{{EmailReply|I've just downloaded and saw your pic; WOW! You're like Cinderella from the Disney movie; Beeeautiful! :)

I will have the two guitars and their USB receivers ready for you; please make sure you have the cash on hand to pay for them. $91 is acceptable; I will be happy to give you the penny in change. Also, I've just purchased PS3 Rock Band Country Track Pack for the code to download the Tracks to be playable in Rock Band 1 + 2. I was thinking about putting it on eBay for $19.99, but if you want it, I'll be happy to include it with the guitars, as a Free Bonus.

Do you get WiFi at your place, so we could communicate over the Playstation Network? If you don't, I recommend it. I get WiFi here at my house and as far as its yard streches property-wise, courtesy of Comcast Cable; I have a cable modem box with a WiFi Router equipped to it. It is a good deal, especially with Guitar Hero titles; I buy and download the additional Tracks from the Playstation Store (some of which are free).

Another great game I highly recommend for the PS3 is [[LittleBigPlanet]]; in addition to the Story Mode and customizing your Sackperson, you can collect the in-game parts and pieces and create your own levels. I have a few of my own uploaded onto the PSN. "LittleBigPlanet... It is a planet that is little; it is a planet that is big."

Anyway, by the taco place, do you mean the Taco Bell or the Baja Bean, just so I'm clear on that? It's okay if you come by yourself, and I understand if you're late; I'll wait for you. You'll know I'm there if you see a [[Son-Chu|dark blue station wagon-shaped Ford Escort]] with "Sonichu" on the License Plate, and an Autobot symbol on it's trunk door in the nearby parking spaces.

I would not judge you on your family history; it still makes a good conversation or research topic.

The hospital just released my mother this morning, and my father brought her home this afternoon. She is still recovering, and my father and I went out earlier to get her new perscriptions, but at least she doesn't have to make as many restroom runs now.

Your joke is good. I have a few other jokes, as well as a riddle or two. Or I may come up with something new at random. [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|I get some of my material from past comedy shows and movies]]. Three comedians I enjoy are Red Skelton, Lucille Ball and Jerry Sienfeld.

I look forward to meeting you and hanging out with you tomorrow. :)

Cau Cau, and Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Subtlety is wasted on Chris====
{{EmailReply|I'm glad you had a good time last night at your friend's house, and I'm sorry you had to deal with [[Chris|that fat guy]]. It's good to be blessed with friends to help you like that. :)

Oh, and Methodism, as well as Presbertianism, are both of Christian Religions; you may look them up on Wikipedia.

Cau,
Chris.}}
====eh [[Kick the Autistic|kicks autistics]] and doesn't afraid of anything====
{{Email|First off, I'm supposed to say HI FROM [[Gregg Mays|GREGG WITH THREE Gs]].

He said you had family business to attend to and couldn't make it. He was kind enough to drop off the guitars. Thank you for the discount by the way! 50% is huge! Gregg also took the liberty of cleaning off the stickers and paint. He said it looked kind of bad. But they look like new now! Thanks!

Hope nothing is too serious and you got it all sorted out.

Gregg is pretty cool guy.

ČAU!!!!
Regina :)}}
====Oh the guitars are good too====
{{Email|I got the computer for a couple minutes. Just wanted to say that we should hang out sometime soon since I didn't get to see you. I Skyped my dad and told him to leave some good feedback about the guitars.
They work great!!!!

See you soon I hope!!! :)

ČAU ČAU
Regina.}}
====Chris totally hates Gregg Mays====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying sooner.

Listen, this "Gregg" you met up with is an Enemy of mine; he is NOT to be trusted. He is an internet [[Troll]]/Bully. In fact, that is not his real name; he goes by "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash", but niether one of them are his real name. You bought the two guitars from a crook, a fiend. I felt shocked when you mentioned his name in your last e-mail; I was hoping to avoid having to talk about that son of a bitch.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

[[Chris and his ego|I had to be fated to become internet famous]]...

Anyway, I will still be happy to meet up with you and hang out. Perhaps we can hang out at the [[Fashion Square Mall]]. Let me know which day would be good for you.

Also, I would like you to get in touch with my [[gal-pal]] I've told you a bit about earlier; she will be introducing herself in an e-mail soon; her address is ''*redacted*''. That way, you'll get to know one of my friends as well. :)

BTW, I've relisted the two guitars on eBay; it was wierd to get the positive feedback after you've bought the guitars from Someone Else (who happens to be a crook).

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Outrage====
{{Email|OH MY GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!

Not at you of course.

So this guy who sold me [[guitar]]s wasn't even a friend of yours? I'm not sure I fully understand this... so he came with two identical guitars and took the [[money]] that was supposed to go to you? I'm amazed. Have I go the story right? It's amazing how being on the internet can bring out so many stupid people!!! I am SOOOO SORRY. There was no way I could have known! Can you forgive me?

What about the feedback, should I tell my dad to leave it there? It doesn't seem honest but this guy has ripped you off. What do you think?

As far as hanging out goes, we will soon guaranteed. I have to head home to Prague this weekend cause [[Barb|my mom]] is sick. It doesn't seem too serious, but I should visit my family. It's good to see them when they are down you know? What sort of things do you want to do? Good news is I have my own laptop now, so I can email more frequently. Email me lots over the weekend cause I may be pretty bored in Prague. I'm kind of excited though because I will be going to see family in Liberec and I get to RIDE THE TRAIN!!!

I would love to talk to your friend!!! I am trying to meet as many new people as possible. It can get lonely being a foreigner here and I want to practice my [[English]] too! What's a [[gal-pal]]?

I attached another photo from my [[graduation]]. It's of me and my two bestest teachers. Do you have any favourite lektors from school or university?

How's your mom? And how is the job hunt? I've been trying to find some work recently too.

Ok, study break is over. Back to the work.

ČAU MOJ!!
Regina.}}
====Absence====
{{Email|Haven't heard from you in a while. You aren't angry with me are you?

I finally took a peek at your [[YouTube]] account. There's a lot of [[Chris and anger|angry videos]] on there. What is happening? Should I be worried about [[Clyde Cash|this Gregg person]]?

What should I do?

Regina}}
====We cool====
{{EmailReply|Hey, Regina. No, I am not angry with you; we are cool.

As long as you ignore him and don't communicate further with Gregg, don't worry. BTW, since you've met "Gregg" in person, can you describe what he looks likes; height, body build, [[Heterochromia|eye color]], skin, hair color/style and such?

Don't worry about the whole mess; it's MY mess, and I am and will deal with it personally.

And don't worry about the Guitar deal; I've relisted them on [[eBay]]; it's all cool.

How is your mother; I hope she's doing better? And let's try to re-schedule our meet and greet hang-out; do you know where Fashion Square Shopping Center is?

TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====The many faces of Gregg====
{{Email|Hey there.

Sure I can describe Gregg. He's a kind of square shouldered guy. He's [[black]]. He's around 190 cm and he had some [[51 50|pretty big biceps]]. He had pretty short [[hair]] too. I am not really good at telling black people apart to be honest. I've been getting some weird emails too. Do you think they may be from him?

My mom is doing better. Thank you for asking. Though she is still pretty weak. They aren't sure why. They want to do more tests.

I've heard about the [[Fashion Square Mall]], why do you ask? I have yet to go there.

I've read a bit from your Sonichu site. I'm not sure I totally understand it.

Čauko!

Regina}}
====Chris explains YouTube madness====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your description.

I've asked about Fashion Square, because I go there often, and it would be an ideal place to meet up. I'm free any afternoon; just let me know the day and time, and we can try to meet up again. :)

As for the wierd e-mails, make note of the sender e-mail addresses, block them, and delete any future wierd e-mails without reading them. You can pretty much tell in the subject line anyway.

Also, for the recently uploaded videos on YouTube; they were directed to my [[trolls]], including the crazy-acting [[Sign Destruction Video|one where I break that hunk of wood]] (I was trying to scare them away with that one), please do not judge me from those. Although they do emphasize my dramatic side.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Insane people in malls====
{{Email|Yo, wassup?

Yeah, I'm not a really big fan of American malls. I seem to meet so many weird people in them. Usually some people shouting and being weird. I keep seeing all kinds of [[Attraction Sign|strange things]] in malls.

How about this: I finally got an apartment hookup through my friend. She found a great place near the University. I haven't seen it yet but I am totally trusting of her. We are going to take possession around the middle of [[November 2010|November]]. We are SOOOO having a house party. Are you down? We are going to get WASTED and break the house in proper.

I'll block the emails. Just like you recommended. What are trolls anyway? I always thought they were some ugly things from children's stories that ate goats. I'm kind of getting the sense from what I have read that they are some sort of internet haters or something. What exactly do they want with you?

The videos are pretty interesting. I thought [[War Paint Video|the Indian one]] was cute :) but I don't really understand it. Tell me more about your dramatic side!

I totally talked to your friend! She seems really cool. How did you meet her? Is she like your girlfriend or something? I love meeting new people. It gets so hard being a foreigner here when everything is weird.

Back to studying!!!!!

Těší mě!!!

Regina.}}

====Chris believes the trolls are jealous of him====
{{EmailReply|Firstly, [[Kim]] is not my girlfriend; she already has a boyfriend; she and i are just friends. I met her through an old friend of mine.

The house party sounds like fun. :) I am down with that. But I would still like to meet you in person ASAP. How about this, since you don't like the mall, and I recall you telling me you liked the taco place, how about we meet at a [[Taco Bell]]? There are two in [[Charlottesville]]; one nearby the Barracks Road Shopping Center, and one nearby the Albemarle Square, where the ACAC Fitness Center<ref>[http://cville.acac.com/]</ref> is located. Just let me know which day you will be free, and I can meet you at one of the two Taco Bells (We'll need to specify which one beforehand) that afternoon.

In this case, Trolls are Internet Bullies; they pick on people for the "LULZ" (or "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|Laughs Under Lucridicities]]" as I put it); Laughs at other people's expense. They try to trick, or hack, the victim or their associates to gather dirt and information on them, and twist and turn the truth around and make terrible, slanderous jokes at their expense. Mostly, they pick on celebrities; I do not really understand why me of all people. But they are just lowly individuals who most likely hang out practically 24/7 in their basements in front of their computers. The only theory I have is that they're jealous of me and my creative ideas and comics.

Anyway, I gtg; I have a few things to do right now, but I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Philosophy reading====
{{Email|Hello!!! :)

Well, the thing is, I want to meet you too. But right now this philosophy at university is driving me mad!!! I have so much reading to do I am spending all my time in classes or at home with my nose in a book. I figure once I can get the bulk of my reading under control, I am totally yours to meet. I'll guarantee we can meet before the housewarming party, but not at this exact moment.

Not unless you can explain my philosophy readings to me :D Why does it need to be ASAP?

I am really not a fan of fast food, maybe we can go to [[Chris's Big Night Out|a nightclub or bar or something]]... do you know any good ones??

So I think I understand the whole trolls thing. I read a bit of your bio on that cogsdev thing you sent me. It seems like a pretty confusing story. It sounds pretty tragic too.

Anyway, in the meantime, until we meet that it, can I keep sending you emails to keep my English up to date? Although she speaks perfect English, my Aunt only wants to speak Czech all the time... All my readings are in English but I keep getting worried my social English will go out the window. Can I ask you some questions before we meet?

Pusinky :*
Regina.}}
''Pusinky'' means "dolls."
====The sooner the better====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; we can meet up at the Baja Bean across from [[Wal-Mart]]; they have a bar there, and they do check for ID, but it is smoke-free and clean. Plus, they have Karaoke Friday Nights there at 9:00. It doesn't have to be ASAP, but the sooner the better, I feel. And of course you may ask me as many questions as you please, and I can think of some in response to those as well. :) I continue to look forward to our meet and greet.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Questions about America====
{{Email|Hey!!!

Ok, cool. I like to ask foreigners a lot of questions. Because this is the first time I have lived in [[America]], so there are so many things I am curious about...

Ok, so check this out. I saw [[War Paint Video|your video where you are dressed up like an Indian]]. Do they still live on reservations and stuff? I haven't met anyone who is an Indian (at least not that I know of) and no one seems to really know that much about them. Do you? You said you had some ancestry, so I was just curious. Do you follow any traditions? The only things I know about Indians are from the Winnetou books and movies and I'm not sure how accurate they are.

Oh hey, do you have any more books to recommend other than [[Goosebumps|those RL Stien books]]? My brother is looking for some good books and those ones aren't available in the Czech republic. He needs to read more because his English sucks almost as much as my dad's.

I went through some of your comics. Pretty interesting. Where did you learn to draw? I have been reading books on how to draw but can't seem to get anything right. I read a lot of theory books like from Marvel and stuff but I never seem to improve. I would take lessons but that will have to wait until University is over.

Ok, and a couple of American things that really get me confused...

The first is [[halloween]]. Everyone seems to make a big deal of it. I don't get it. We don't have it in the Czech republic but everyone knows what it is. But what's the big deal anyway? A lot of people have invited me to parties. Are you going to a party? I don't understand how this thing for kids to get candy has turned into adults dressing up for parties.

Also, politics. People really seem to ramble about politics a lot. I think I kind of get the sense of what the parties are about. Who do you vote for? I hope that's not too personal a question. And a lot of people seemed to hate [[George Bush]]. Why didn't they like him so much? And now a lot of people don't like [[Obama]]. Why don't people like him? ARRRRGH, I'm so confused. And what's with all these conspiracies... ABOUT BOTH.

Oh hey, on a by the way sort of note... My dad's is starting up this new media company and he needs writer/editor type people with HTML skills for a website. I read on your site that you know a bit about that. They are having trouble finding skilled people to fill the position. Would you be interested in the email address or are you too busy with freelance work? I don't know anything about how much it pays but my dad said just refer (he told me to ask anyone I knew) people to his HR manager and they would happily answer questions. I still feel bad about the guitar thing and hoped this would make it up to you.

Gaaah! I need to get back to all this philosophy reading. All these books make me think about our place in the world. Do you think there is a grand design or something? Do you have a personal philosophy? After reading all this, I don't know what to believe...

Ask me some questions so I can procrastinate in these readings LOL!!!

Ok. Back to work.

Čau moj!
Regina}}
====Wikipedia: The answer to everything====
{{EmailReply|Cool. Well, in order to your questions; firstly, I am 1/32 [[Cherokee]]. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations. The proper term is not Indian (that term was misconstruded when Christopher Colombus landed at what would later be called America, and he thought it was India (his originally planned destination) and he referred to the people as people of India by mistake; the proper term is Native American. I currently do not know of any traditions to follow of my Cherokee ancestry, but information on "Cherokee" can be looked up on Wikipedia.

The only other books I can remember having read, off the top of my head, is "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Wednesday's Child" and "The Giver". The authors escape me, but again, check on Wikipedia.

My drawing style, I would say is mostly natural, but I have learned about perspectives and such from Numerous Art Classes I took throughout my lifetime in all my schools I went to. I can shed some light on perspectives for you and help you practice drawing in the future. :) Do you have any samples of your drawing style you'd like to share with me? I can critique it and offer you honest, detailed feedback that can help you as well.

Halloween History can be looked up on Wikipedia, but the costumed portions, from what I've heard, started in these United States in Salem with Witches, spooks and the like. As portrayed in [[Wikipedia:Treehouse of Horror VIII|a "Treehouse of Horror" episode]] of "[[The Simpsons]]", one theory states that some of those witches wanted children for one of their brews or something, so they went house-to-house. But instead of taking the children, they were offered cookies, candies and treats, and the witches accepted those instead. And eventually, the trend of Trick or Treat and costumed people going house-to-house followed for a Halloween tradition. Adults like to dress up to get into the spirit, and parties are a given as such for fun and enjoyment. I know of a halloween party I plan on going to nearby the Downtown [[Mall]]; if we meet soon enough, I would like to invite you to come with me there. :) If you came with me, what would you dress up as? And I encourage your own personal creativity. As a suggestion, if you still have your prom dress, all you would need are a pair of clear transparent slippers and a tiara, and you come as Cinderella.

I am not all that into politics, but I do know some things from ear (Bush and Obama and why people dislike them can be found on the Wikipedia also). You may be talking about George Bush JUNIOR that people have disliked; I don't know much of why. As for Obama, people are disliking him, because he supposedly is being a wuss and has pulled back some of the US Armed Forces from other countries. And currently, his Health Plan; to my understanding, it would just be a costly thing that Americans are not ready for yet, because we can't afford it yet, due to the recent recession (which didn't seem like that big of a deal in my opinion; I just lived on day by day, and I'm still okay). And there's the deal with another country concealing a nuclear facility from him; they don't want to give a tour, and they're saying it's there for "Peace Reasons". Obama's trying to get other countries' support to make this country show him their facility. That's what I know right now. I recommend learning what you can in research to help settle your confusion more if you feel the need.

Also, as for voting, in current events, my main concern is on the [[Wikipedia:Governor of Virginia| Governer of Virginia]]; [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnel]] or [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Craig Deeds]]. There are tales of McDonnel wanting to take Virginia backwards, in a sense, by supporting a law created by Bush Jr. (I think). And McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and he would make it illegal, even in incest or rape, and for married couples, to have the choice. On the other hand, Craig supports higher taxes for gas, housing and such. Currently, Craig is ahead, but my father and I both feel that Neither McDonnel or Craig are good; they're both poor choices. We're even thinking on Election Day to Write in [[Peanuts|Snoopy (Charlie Brown's dog)]] instead of voting for McDonnel or Craig. LOL

I do have good knowledge of raw HTML, and I created the Most Original [[CWC's Sonichu Site]], as well as its predecessor, [[CWC's PokeSite 2]], from raw HTML text in Notepad. I have had two classes; one during [[High School]] and one later at [[PVCC]]. I would need more information on your dad's company, and the web server that is set up for his company, but I am up for that. ;)

Personal philosophy, I'm not sure; I have thought about it before, but it escapes me at the moment. I promise to recall, remember it and get back to you on that.

Also, for bars I've been to, I've also been to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebees]] (the one by [[Toys]] 'R' Us; they have Karaokee Mondays), the [[Wikipedia:T.G.I. Friday's|TGIFridays]] by [[Target]], and Club R2 (A.K.A. the Rapture) in the Downtown Mall (I don't know much about R2, but they do print their events in [[Charlottesville]]'s "[[The Hook]]" weekly newsletter magazine (it's Free). Have you been to any yourself yet, and if so which ones?

I'll think up some more questions for you by the next e-mail.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina is just full of questions====
{{Email|Word up yo...

Ok, thanks for telling me about the whole Indian/Native American thing. No one corrected me on that yet and I have been saying it all along. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess it is hard to preserve traditions like that. I guess most of it was verbal history too.

I don't think I will offer up any drawings for critique just yet. I am not sure they are good enough. Maybe I will, but I will have to find them first. Like a lot of my personal photos they are strewed around on a whole variety of different CDs. I'll look, but no promises.

Ok, so I think I get the whole deal behind halloween parties. I guess it just makes sense to have an excuse to dress up crazy and go out to have fun. The halloween party you mentioned sounds like fun, can you tell me more about it? I would go, but I think I will have to fly back to the Czech republic cause my mom is still sick. My dress is there anyway, it was too much to pack. Surely you must know some nice lady you can take there? What are you dressing up as? That's what I'm really curious about. And why are you choosing this costume... oh, please take photos of your costume if I don't get to see it.

Thank you for clearing that bit up about politics. Can you explain to me, if you don't like these two men, why you would write a cartoon character's name? Are these the only two men? Is there really no other people? That sounds a little bizarre to hae only two people to choose from. I guess no one else wanted the position? The way you put it, Obama does sound like kind of a wuss. Do you think he is right to pull back the armies from these arab countries? I read the Wikipedia article on George Bush Junior. It seems that people don't like him because of immigrants or something. And he doesn't seem to care about the environment and people seem to think he allows torture. And mostly the wars he started too... how reliable is this Wikipedia? Are these things really so bad? Good luck with choosing the governor.

Ok, I don't know the details about HTML and things. Computers are not my specialty. My dad told me to find anybody interested and forward them on to him. His email is *redacted* so it is probably best just to contact him. He may get his assistant to write back, because, well, you have read his English already. If he does reply on his own, go easy on him, k? :) You have some pretty good chances of getting the job cause they are having a really hard time getting a pool of applicants. They really want an English speaker, but no one seems to want to work for a Czech company.

I have been to a few bars, but I forget the names of most of the places. I think I went to some bar called [[Vivian]]'s or some place next to it or something. I really need to start remembering the names of all these places. A couple of discos too. I will pick up a copy of The Hook and look for these events you suggest.

Here's another few questions I thought of. Have you ever thought about doing comic plots for different characters? Like maybe doing a spinoff for one of your current characters or designing a new set of characters with a new story? Or are you just sticking to your current universe? And why/why not? My brother used to read a lot of comics so he may ask me about your mentality or whatever the next time I see him.

Hey also, we were talking about philosophy, that's cool if you don't remember your personal views. I guess it isn't something the average person thinks about every day. What about your future? What do you see in your future? I am always curious about this with everybody. I see myself being like my father or brother and starting my own business, but some different kind of business. Not like the traditional kind. I just don't know what yet. What about you? What kinds of things would you like to do? Maybe in ten years or when you retire? Or next year, whatever...

Anyway, back to the books!

Papá!!
Regina}}
====Chris babbles about costumes, politics, and dreams====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; I look forward to any drawings you are able to share with me. :)

The Halloween party I'm planning on going to is on Saturday October 31 at the Key Center, 800 E. Market St,<ref>[http://www.thekeycenter.info/]</ref> at 7 - 9 PM; $3 per person, $5 per couple; I will pay our way in if you decide to come with me. I thought I've mentioned that I currently have a few gal-pals (who are already taken), but no girlfriend for myself yet (I'm single). So, other than you, I do not have anyone else I could take. I'm going to go in this outfit I sometimes wore before to the [[Pokemon]] [[Trading Card Game]] League I used to attend that made me look like Ash Ketchum. I thought of making up an outfit to go as Captain N, from that classic Nintendo TV Show, "[[Wikipedia:Captain N: The Game Master|Captain N, the Game Master]]", but it's hard for me to find a matching jacket at Goodwill, even an "N" to stitch onto the jacket. I'll send you a photo in the next e-mail.

I'm sorry to hear your mother is still ill; please offer her my humble condolences and wishes for full recovery. :)

The wikipedia is most reliable; the people who post on there most of the time quote their sources; books, newspapers, other websites, etc.

McDonnel and Deeds are the only two candidates for VA Governer at this time, and with both of them being not so swift candidates, it just seems fitting to write-in the fictional character as a comical alternative. My father brought up the idea of writing Snoopy in first, and I was hip to the idea, because it made me laugh. :D As for why, McDonnel is Against [[Women's rights|Abortion Rights]], and Deeds would Raise Taxes; it's like one would [[Retard]]ate [[Virginia]], and one would Make Things [[Chris and money|MORE Expensive]].

As for Obama, I would have to agree with popular opinion on the issue of him pulling back our troops; I feel what he did there was like saying, "We're not worthy; please do with us as you wish, and we will offer no resistance." Pitiful.

I will respect and understand your father's english capabilities and wording at my best. :)

I do not plan on any spin-offs for [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic series]]; there are a LOT of characters and such, and I feel it would be more complicated and difficult to do such at this time. But in future pages, I do plan on expanding on each individual character with their individual stories and adventures. I have all my ideas written in my Brain's [[Diary]].

As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but [[Dreams|I HAVE A DREAM]]! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.

Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him [[Reginald]]; that was not a dream-thing though. I've had a [[PandaHalo|past internet gal-pal]], who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child. She died [[January 2009|last Janurary]] during the wild bushfires then. Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.

I have a lot of stories I would be happy to share with you in-person in conversations in the future. It feels easier to me to talk about it in-person, in lieu to typing it up.

Which brings up a topic I'm curious about, please tell me about any past relationships you've had; ex-boyfriends, any sex, etc. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, I understand.

Cool, I will TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,

Cau,

Chris. :)}}

====Regina can't make it====
{{Email|Hey there!

Well, thank you for the offer for the halloween party, but I will definitely be flying to Praha on that day. So there is no possible way for me to make it. Can't wait to see the photos of the Ash outfit you mentioned. I think I know the character you are talking about. I am sure I will recognise it when I see it. I don't know who Captain N is. I will check Wikipedia or something. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse your gal-pals for girlfriends. I just figured you were involved with someone. If not on a full relationship yet. Just a sense I got from your YouTube videos. I saw one where you were talking to a girl named [[Kacey|Kacy]] where you said you cared about her. Sorry for the confusion. I seem to have taken these videos out of context. Is there an explanation?

It's too bad you have such poor choices for governor or whatever. Higher taxes aren't such a bad thing though are they? They help pay for important stuff. I agree they shouldn't be too high. How much more will you have to pay if he gets elected? What happens if everyone writes Snoopy on the ballot? Would he have to take office?

When you put it that way about Obama, it does sound pitiful. If that's the case, why do so many people like him? And why do you think he should have stayed in Iraq? Are you a very patriotic person? I am very proud of being Czech, especially of my language.

You certainly seem like you have your future planned out in full. I wish I knew my future as well as you do! For now, I just want to EXCEL. I want to make the best of myself in whatever I do. I have had to bust my ass while studying. Everyone goes out and parties but I don't stop till I get it right. And boy do my marks show it. I want to be the BEST. Not sure what I have to prove. Just want to be all I can be. Maybe once I do that, I can relax for a bit. My own business is my clearest goal, even though I'm not sure what the business will be about. Do you ever have ambitions like this?

I am really sorry to hear about your friend. She must have been very special to you.

Since you mentioned Snoopy, I was just curious. What are your favourite cartoons? Do you prefer Western or Eastern? What do you like about them? I personally like Russian cartoons.

I was also watching your video about [[Brutal Legend]]. I heard about that game. Is it good??? It sure looks good! Do you like metal music? Is that why you got this? I think you probably explained this in your video but there is no sound. Did YouTube screw it up?

Here's a weird question I love asking people... If you could have any superpower, what would it be? What would you do with it. The best answer I ever got was from my friend. She wanted the ability to fart in stereo LOLOLOL!!! I guess that means she would have two buttholes.

Also, what's up with American trains? European trains are way cooler. Do you use the train much?

We totally will share in person as soon as I have the time. I just want to get to know you in the meantime is all. I can be initially shy in a first meeting so it helps if I know what I can talk about.

Did you email my dad? He says he didn't get anything from you yet. Sometimes these Czech emails can be pretty screwball. If it isn't working, I'll give you his Gmail.

Nope, never had a boyfriend.

Na zdravie, šťastie a lásku,
Regina :)}}

Czech for "health, happiness and love."

====Chris answers a bunch of questions, is still a virgin====
{{EmailReply|Yes, [[Kacey]] is one of my gal-pals; nothing major at the time. She already cares for [[Liquid Chris|this other dude]]. I do care about her as a friend though. :) I am the sort of man who keeps his friends close to his heart and cares about them.

The only True-from-My-Heart-and-Mind Videos are on my own personal [[YouTube]] accounts, my current "ChristianWChandler" and my past "CChan6789". MOST others outside of my accounts will be slandered, misleading videos created by the Trolls, in lame attempts to mislable me, as well as smearing my good name and reputation.

I've attached an early picture of me in my ol' outfit (0647); ignore the wastepouch; I have not worn one in years. And I generally wore this yellow Pokemon TCG League Gym Leader shirt to Best complete the outfit (0584).

These photos are from my slideshow of life photos/pics I presented in a [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]] I created on my 25th Birthday, February 24, [[2007]], called "Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on T.V." Originally, it was priviately distributed from me to close friends and family. But last year, a troll pretended to be one of my old, close [[gal-pal]] and tricked a copy out of me; now it's all over the web, with messed-up versions of the original videos, and people making and distributing FAKE copies. DO NOT BUY any of those, as well as the unofficial Sonichu/Rosechu merchandise; there aren't any at this time, but I am working on that. After you and I become real close, I would be happy to make a copy for you, or I can share my Master Copy with you in a multiple number of "Movie Nights"; there is over 6 hours of original content.

Please do not judge me, but yeah I have yet to expierence a major relationship. But I do have a good amount of knowledge to make up a good relationship, as well as good sex. I have seen a good share of soft and hardcore porn, including some Educational videos from companies like the Sinclair Institute. But again, there is no rush. Which brings up a question, how do you feel about sex before marriage, or sex in general?

I feel that higher taxes is the better of the two evils in the governer issues, so I'll probably root for Deeds anyway. I wouldn't worry about Snoopy.

Obama stay in Iraq? You may have misunderstood a phrasing in my last e-mail; I never meant that in any way. I am proud to be an american; I am patriotic. I can go on about the history of these United States and how our forefathers, who founded it and shaped it to what it is today, worked and fought to maintain order and peace throughout this fine nation. My father could go on about that as well; he is very knowledgeable in the history. And I welcome and respect your patriotism for your country as well; you have every right as you were born and raised in it. :)

I have had ambitions for a job or business, even though it was not made clear to me on what it would be specifically; I'm still uncertain currently. What are your ideas for the business subject you'd like to pursue? My mother originally wanted to be a teacher, and she has had past expierence in substituting for the teacher in their absence from time to time. Yet she ended up taking a number of secretarial jobs in a number of companies and businesses.

I have a LOT of favorited cartoons; (anything) [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Transformers]] (any Generation), [[Excel Saga]], Samurai Pizza Cats, Smurfs, [[Gay|Care Bears]], and more. I'm not sure what you mean by Western or Eastern, unless you mean American and Japan (Anime) Animation. I like [[Anime]] a bit better, because it is mostly better drawn and rendered compared to American, plus the stories are usually better, and sometimes the original Japanese Audio, even in the TV-Y area, has some curse words. LOL :D I have also watched Canadian Animation; those were good, and British Animation ("[[Wikipedia:Danger Mouse (TV series)|
Danger Mouse]]" to name one). I don't think I've ever watched Russian Animation, but I am always open for new shows. :)

Yeah, I am uncertain [[PSEye|what happened to the audio in the original video I did for Brutal Legend]]. I like all kinds of [[Chris and music|music]], unless it's presented at a TOO Loud volume; respect the eardrums. LOL Metal is awesome, but I mostly listen to Pop, Lite Rock, Country, Jazz and Classic.

I would have to say Super Speed; [[Sonichu's Edge|I wouldn't easily tire out after running at such velocity]], I'd get a lot more exercise, and I wouldn't require a car if I can get there in a Snap on foot. :D

I have never ridden on a train, I'm sorry.

You can talk about most anything to me, no worries. And if you cross a line, I will let you know; I would respect your wishes if I cross a line in discussion, you'd only need to tell me.

I've just e-mailed Walter, asking for the information. I am certain he got the message, because I would have gotten a "Returned Message" e-mail if the address was faulty.

I'm sorry you can't make the Halloween Party, but it's cool; I'll be okay. :) I am looking forward to your house-warming party; please let me know if I can do or bring anything to help make it better. Please be sure to let me know the details when you are fully certain of them; when and where.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Cau,
Chris.}}
====Regina is asexual, asks about loads of random stuff====
{{Email|Yo yo yo wass happenin'

That is too bad that Kacey cares for another dude, it wasn't some sort of tragic love triangle was it? I feel really sorry for you if it was. It is good that you can look past it and see her as a friend still.

It would be cool to see your DVD. I didn't know you were a filmmaker too! What kind of films do you make? What is your DVD about? It sounds interesting. I love director's cuts. Do you have a big screen? I hate watching movies on small TVs. I am sorry to hear that people are pirating it. It really sucks when people [[Sonichu|steal other people's intellectual property]] like that.

[[Chris and religion|Sex before marriage is of no concern to me.]] People can do whatever they want in the privacy of their homes. Sex in general seems like a waste of time in my opinion. But like I said, they can do what they want. I have never watched a porno.

Speaking of other countries and patriotism, how much do you know about the Czech republic? I am always curious what people know about my country, or Europe. Have you been to Europe? Is there any place you would like to visit in Europe? We have so many nice things to see. Or maybe you would prefer a different continent? Speaking of Czech, I totally tried to bring back some Slivovica for your dad. But they took it at customs. I will try to bring another. If it doesn't work this time I will get my brother to bring some when he comes to visit me in November.

As far as the business model I would like to pursue, I want to maybe open a restaurant that features all kinds of Slavic and foods from my part of the world, OR something related to fashion. I think the fashion industry is boring, I would like to introduce something new but I have no really good ideas just yet. Have you thought about any general areas? I know you said you weren't sure, but I mean generally.

What kind of Canadian cartoons have you watched? Or British ones other than Danger Mouse?

Glad to hear you like metal. I like quite a bit of it. Among other stuff. Mostly indie.

Hey do you play any sports? I love sports. I have just been getting into American Football. It seems pretty complicated. I haven't decided if I like it or not yet. It seems interesting anyway. I heard a lot of American men have played football in high school, did you by any chance?

Here's a question I keep hearing a lot in America: If you could have a dinner party and invite 3 people... anyone you want... living or dead... who would it be? Myself, I picked Vaclav Havel, Robo Kazik, Ernest Hemingway and Golda Meir. I know that's 4... yes I cheated. And you?

Do you own a gun? It seems like a lot of people here do. I'm not judging on it or anything, I'm just curious. A lot of people seem to have them. Would you ever buy one? I never thought about it myself, but one of my friends suggest I come out with her to the shooting range.

Oh, and my brother was a bit curious about your artistic process, what goes through the head of an artist when he is thinking of what to draw?

My dad got your email by the way, he let me know today that he received it. He says he is going to have his assistant look it over the start of the business day. He was really excited about the prospect of hiring an American at his company.

Glad you are looking forward to the house-warming party. It is going to RULE!!!!! I can't wait. As for what to bring... I dunno, what do Americans usually bring to parties? We do need to get some alcohol. Would you mind picking it up? It's just that most of us are under 21. If you are worried about it say no. I love America but it has some pretty dumb laws.

Anyway, back to the books... again :(

Have fun talking to my dad or his assistant :)

Mám rád zozadu,
Regina}}
====Chris wants sex, played football with girls====
{{EmailReply|I wouldn't really call myself a filmmaker, but I have created some documentry-like films that are on the DVD and saved as video files on my [[PS3]], along with the newer videos I created since then. In a nutshell, the DVD is essentially the videos I put together, the two TV News Segments I was portrayed in, and slideshows of still photos and pics with good tunes and a pretend Radio Show I created onto Audio Cassette over a decade ago. It's more or less sort of a "Best Of" type of thing. I have a Sony HD TV, about 40 or 46" wide.

In my humble opinion, I am okay with sex before marriage too. I do not feel that it is a waste of time; I feel the intercourse between loving couples who deeply care about each other is truly special, and is essentially a truly magical connection between them. Although as for those who may not feel like that during intercourse, they still get sensations that just feel totally awesome between each other.

I have not been to Europe, and I can learn more about the Czech Republic from your point of view in addition to what you've previously shared with me. :) I do not currently have a favorite location in Europe, but if I had the chance, I would enjoy visiting the other countries. Although, I would like to visit England and Japan; England being the origin of [[Barb|my mother]]'s half of the family, and I'd like to sample more of the video games only available in Japan, and see their technology that the US doesn't have yet. IDK about [[Bob|my father]] being able to take in any [[alcohol]] at his age, but I know he would appreciate the gesture, and I can get a chance to sample the slivovich for myself with you. :)

You have made some good choices in your possible carrer pursuit. :) Perhaps you and I can put our minds together and make either one happen for you. As for me, something in [[Art]]istry or Comic Publications is one idea of mine, or maybe use my [[CADD]] degree and go into designing or something.

One Canadian cartoon I can recall the name of right-off is [[Wikipedia:Bob and Margaret|Bob and Margaret]], and there was this one of two short cartoons that featured this blue dog who gets adopted into a family who is danger prone with lots of accidents; the dog protects his family and the baby.

I like [[Bionic|Basketball]], Volleyball and Baseball, and I have ice skated at the rink at the Downtown Mall. I've played football for a short while at High School, but I was not all that into it. And during that time in the P.E. class, I was placed on special request on the girl's team, which was better; I did not care to be tackled or rough-housed like they did on the boy's team. Football is okay; I'm just not all that into it.

I would invite [[Britney Spears]], [[Wikipedia:Pamela Anderson|Pamela Anderson]] and [[Wikipedia:Amy Jo Johnson|Amy Jo Johnson]] (the original Pink Ranger on the "Mighty Morphin' [[Power Rangers]]"). For my fourth, though, I would invite [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

I do not currently own a real gun, but I have had target practice in video games like "Duck Hunt" (NES) and on a few Wii games too; I'm fairly good. I may consider buying a gun, but not right now.

My artistic process... I think of story pieces, I note them, and when I draw them up, I add more to them; beginning and end (or middle and either if the piece is beginning or end). There are more details, but I'm not sure how to phrase them at this time. But mostly, it just comes to me. :)

I would be happy to bring some beer or wine to the party; just let me know which brand of beer (or white wine) strikes y'all's fancy good.

I gtg for now; [[ShowerClean|I need a shower. ]]I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina confirms asexuality====
{{Email|Ok, sorry I guess I misunderstood what you meant by making a DVD. So this is like a series of short films and a collection of other stuff.

So you were on the news? How did you manage that? What were you on the news for?

Oh wow, you have a big TV. It must be pretty good for video games. I
have never had a TV that big.

Ok, maybe some people are into the whole [[sex]] thing. But personally I
have no interest. I think bothering with something like that would
distract me from other more important social relationships. More
importantly it would probably distract me from improving myself. That
energy could be put to good use for a lot of other things. And I
doubt it would really change much. If you care for a person then sex
shouldn't be so important. Just an option. A lot of people seem to
think that having sex will change things. I would bet a lot of money
that it doesn't.

That is too bad that your dad can't drink any Slivovica. I guess I
can still try to smuggle some in and you can try it. It is best to
try the original Czech stuff. They say Slivovica is good for your
health and helps you live longer. Europe really is the best place to
go. A lot of Americans came to Prague looking for adventure and they
always found it. I know a bunch of them who actually settled down in
the Czech republic and got married or started new careers.

Thanks for the input on my possible career choices. What have you
been doing in the way of starting your business related to artistry or
design? Oh, speaking of which, have you talked much to my dad? He
loves America but I hope he is not being a weirdo about it. Or maybe
you spoke to his assistant.

So what reasons do you have for inviting Britney Spears, Pamela
Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson to your dinner party? What is your
motivation for having them there? What kind of questions would you
ask them? Why only media personalities? I'm very intrigued and
curious.

So you might buy a [[gun]] in the future? What kind of gun do you think
you would buy? Would you be getting it for protection or sport? What
exactly do you think about gun control? Personally I don't care
either way. I have never owned one but my father is an avid hunter.
He was a sharpshooter when he did his military service.

I really don't know what kind of wine is good. Do you have any
recommendations? The girls need wine. I think most of the guys who
are coming will be bringing their own beer. I am responsible for
getting the girls drunk so I need someone to bring the white wine.

Very interesting info about your art process. Do you have a full
story arc planned and fill in little pieces or do you make them up as
you go along? What inspires you to draw these particular elements?
What kinds of symbols are you using in your art? I'm curious to see
what elements are symbolic of certain things I may not be catching. I
am not good at picking up on symbols when reading. Here's one thing I
was wondering, do your characters all have first, middle and last
names? Like is [[Sonichu]] just Sonichu or is he Mr. XXXXX XXXXX Sonichu. Or maybe Sonichu is his first name?

By the way I saw your video on Kacey. Everything you said was pretty
sweet but if you want to win her back you might want to just jump in
and tell her to come back to you. Girls love guys who can be strong
and tell them what they want. I bet if you are way more assertive
then she will see and admire that. It will probably make this other
guy shit his pants with fear too. I hope I am not out of place saying
that, I just thought I would offer my womanly opinion. I hope it was
of some help.

Hope everything else is great. :)

Peace and love as you say... or mier a láska as we would say in my
language. Oh, and here's one thing I want to teach you too. You
should start conversations with na zdar. It is a really cheerful
Czech greeting. It means "I wish you well" and it sounds really cool.

Ty kokot,
Regina}}

====Chris weasels out of a job that is handed to him without reservation====

{{EmailReply|I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff and other things. I have recently found peace of mind with [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|the arrival of my Copyright Registeration Certificate from the VA Library of Congress for Sonichu]]. I am in work on making a presentation video and getting in touch with companies to make the merchandise and copies of my books and DVD.

Also, I apologize for not getting back to your father on the website job; I have thought a lot about it after reading the details his secretary e-mailed to me. I feel that is beyond my html skills, I apologize for that. But he can go onto websites like monster.com and find resumes for people who have exceptional html skills and such.

Please foward that paragraph and my humble apologies and regards to him for me; I have misplaced his address.

I have more e-mails to check, so I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tried to get it through his damn dirty skull====

{{Email|Hey Christian,

I think you may have misread the description. The HTML skills are
just something basic, to make sure that people are familiar with the
medium. They need someone to write articles. Specifically articles
about gaming and technology. They just increased the salary too
because they can't find anyone to do it. It's at the point where they
need someone pretty badly, if you have some specific time requirements
or whatever you can let them know, but they will be flexible with it.
Along the lines of 10 articles a month shouldn't be too difficult.
You really should talk to Marketa and my dad again *redacted*

Anyway, how is everything else? Good to hear about your copyright.
How did things work out with Kacee?

Later,
Regina.}}

====Chris mad====
{{EmailReply|Gaming and technology articles? I thought your father was working in Ceramics.

Kacey went and married the brown-striped impostor who pretended to be me; his YouTube name is [[CChanSonichuCWC]].}}

====Further attempts from Regina to offer a dream job====
{{Email|Wow, that really, really sucks. Some people have pretty bad judgment. Did she explain why? Don't be too upset, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes, my dad does make ceramics. But this is a NEW company. He is
trying to branch out into different areas to do with media and
technology because he is afraid that industrial products could one day
be all the domain of countries with poorer workforces. He wants to be
secure in the future and thinks getting into the tech industry is the
way to go. But they need someone who knows gaming and modern
technology AND is well spoken to kick off this first project. I guess
his assistant didn't explain it all too well.}}

Chris of course, ignored her. Proving that he couldn't care less about getting off the [[tugboat]].

====Regina resumes contact...====
{{Email|Anye new and fascinating news?

I bought a PSP. It is great for those stopovers on my flights to the
Czech Republic.}}

====And opens the floodgates of boring conversation====
{{EmailReply|That's neat; which model is it, because if it is a 2000, 3000 or [[PSP]] Go, you and I can talk to each other over Skype between our PSPs; ORIGINAL 1000 models are not [[Wikipedia:Skype|Skype]]-Capable.

Also, I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff; I've just drew 4 pages and answered a bunch of fanmail on the [[Cwcipedia]]. But I am safe and well, thank you. :)

What do you say to setting up a dinner-date between you and me one day next week? This time, I'll come and pick you up, and I'll bring you back home on time safe.

I'll TTYL, XOXOXO,
Christian.}}

====Regina dodges the would-be gropefest...====
{{Email|It is the PSP 3000 slim and bright or whatever it is called. I need to find some good games for it.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy. Me too. My studies are driving me
overboard. I think I will go nuts. I have had to reach out and help
my dad too since his new enterprise is going nowhere.

I really don't think a dinner date is a good idea given my total work
overload. Sorry to say it's email for now!

What else is new?}}

====And gets even more bored with answers to questions nobody asked====
{{EmailReply|One good place to look for a start is in the Playstation Store on the [[Playstation Network]]. This can be done on your [[PC]] or even on your [[PSP]]. If you haven't done so yet, you can create an account for yourself on your PSP, and download the most current version of MediaGo onto your PC from http://store.playstation.com. You can browse the store for downloadable games, demos and videos. Some content requires a one-time purchase; you may use your debit/credit card, or you may go to the local [[Best Buy]], Sam's Club or GameStop and buy some PSN Cards with increments of 10, 20 or 50 dollars. Should you decide to use a debit/credit card directly, be warned that there will be an additional dollar put on hold for a while to verify the card. Funds can be added under "Account Management" on your PSP, or on MediaGo, under "Transaction Management" then "Transfer Funds" There, you can add increments of 5, 10, 20, 50 or even the maximum limit of the grand total in the PSN wallet of 150. And if you don't have enough in the virtual wallet, you will be prompted to add the difference from your card at checkout. There are games Exclusively for Download Only from the Playstation Store, so feel free to read all the details for each title. They even have PSOne classics playable on both Playstation 3 and PSP.

I also highly reccomend investing in a 16 GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, which is available at Best Buy or Wal-Mart, which at average is currently priced at around $100.

And, of course, GameStop is a drive-to destination for reccomended PSP UMD titles, which works for you since you have a PSP with a UMD drive (versus the PSP Go which does not have a UMD drive).

I have been a loyal PSN account holder and customer since I bought my PS3 back in March, [[2007]].

But I digress. I am safe and well, thank you. :) I am still hanging with my family and working on [[Sonichu]]. BTW, I am currently looking for people to video-interview (to be uploaded onto my YouTube) for their views on Sonichu and expanding business-wise with merchandise and such. If you have some friends who know Sonichu from my Cwcipedia, please ask them for me if they will volunteer their time. I would appreciate it very much. And your opinions count too, and if you are willing to volunteer yourself, I would appreciate that too.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tries to be helpful====
{{Email|Hey!

That's pretty interesting. I talked to a few friends and contacts who
knew about Sonichu (I never realised how widespread it was, I thought
it was a bit more underground) and I have come up with about 10 (maybe
more) people who are all very keen on being interviewed. How many
people are you willing to accept? How much knowledge of Sonichu do
they have to have and do they need a webcam or is audio enough? Will
you be doing these interviews over Skype? I don't think I will have
time for an interview myself but what should I tell all these
interested parties?

ČAU!!!!
Regina}}

====Chris promptly tries to get others to do the work for him====
{{EmailReply|Please reply right after you read this. I would prefer in-person interviews with each one with me and my digital camera. Perhaps we can setup the on-the-street interviews for Wednesday or Thursday; I have a deadline of Friday for the full video. I would like to meet at the Downtown Mall by the old fountain (next to the Paramount Theatere) at about 3:00 PM, but please let me know which day is more agreeable between all the volunteers. Thank you soo much, Regina.

If you can find some free time, I'll gladly accept a video MP4 file of you sharing your opinions and thoughts on Sonichu expanding into the merchandise and all. You can film it, upload the file onto a Upload Site Server, send me the link to the video, and I'll download it to be added into the final video.

I'll TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}
====Chris is afraid of a little rain====
{{EmailReply|Just to let you know, the filming will have to be on Thursday since it is raining today. As an alternative, your friends may film their opinions and views on Sonichu in Merchandise, upload their files onto an upload server site and send me the links (preferably all links through you to me, so all of the links can be in one message).

Thank you again for your help.
Stay Safe, Cau,
Christian.}}

====???====
{{Email|Ok, I think most, if not all, will have to use the alternative. I just got this message and the other one. Most of the people who want to be filmed don't live in your area, so coming to the mall is out of the question for them. SO you want them to just give their opinions or should I refer them to you to be interviewed via some online method?}}

====Chris still doesn't really give a shit if people aren't doing something for him====
{{EmailReply|I see, please let me know how many of them do live in the area. And please let those in other states know to make the videos of their opinions. I apologize for the inconvience, but their input will be most valued.

To change the subject a bit, are you planning on flying back to your family during the Holiday break? For me, it'll be another stay-at-home with my family thing for me; simple and good.

TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}

====Some helpful advice that promptly gets ignored====
{{Email|Hey!

If I could make a bit of a recommendation, companies being pitched a
new product like to be shown the potential for expansion outside the
original fanbase. You should make a large survey of people who are
not familiar with Sonichu so that you can demonstrate how it can be
put into new households. They know that your current fans will buy it
but they need to be shown that it can pick up new buyers. Basic rule
of industry is that if you can't expand, then you should abandon the
project for something that will, otherwise it won't make money.

You should start polling strangers about Sonichu and offer them
something for their time, like a cookie or whatever.

See you later!
Regina}}
End of contact.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:E-mails]]
{{emails}}

Regina e-mails

2011-06-14T00:15:54Z

Mrpickles:

[[File:Recession.jpg|right|thumb|In the Regina e-mails, Chris comments on the economic recession.]]

'''Regina Novakova''' was a [[Molvania|Czech]] student studying abroad at [[UVA]]. She had her father's help to purchase [[Chris]]'s ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s [[online]] over [[eBay]] and the two soon began communication regarding the transaction.

Unfortunately for Regina, Chris took this opportunity to start his perverted advances over someone who never expressed an interest in him to begin with. The tone eventually shifted and Chris became his usual lazy self and then discontinued all contact.

These emails take place from 25 [[September 2009|September]] to early [[October 2009]], right around the time [[Barbara|Snorlax]] was [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_9th,_2009|battling AIDS]], and also in the midst of the whole [[Gregg Mays]] thing.

==Correspondence==
====First contact====
{{EmailReply|My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I was just in touch with your father, [[Wikipedia:Rorschach (comics)|Walter Kovacs]], and he has informed me that I will be exchanging the business of him buying the two Guitars from me on eBay with you. The total amount due is 110.99, cash only if picking up in person, please. He was unsure of your phone number, if you have one, but if you have one, you may call me back at 434-760-0848.

What is your name, if I may ask? And he says you are going to a university here in Virginia; are you going to [[University of Virginia|UVA]] in [[Charlottesville]]?

I await your call or reply.

Have a nice day.
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

====Addendum to first contact====
{{EmailReply|Upon personal pick-up, the total without shipping is 91.99}}
====Regina appears====
{{Email|Hey!!!!

You caught me at the perfect time!! I was just checking my emails before going out!

Yeah, he doesn't know my phone number cause I don't have one yet :( I just moved here from [[Molvania|the Czech republic]] as a foreign student and I haven't got a cell phone yet. We've been communicating by Skype. It's a nightmare!!!! I want to get a contract but I have to get all this extra visa stuff sorted out!

I am totally going to UVA! BA in philosophy! It looks hard but I am up to the challenge.

My name is Regina by the way. I see from your email that your name is Christian! That's totally cool cause my brother's name is Christian. But in Czech we spell it Kristian.

So I'll get my dad to wire me the money. I am pretty busy sorting out official stuff and meeting new people. Is it possible we can set up a meet in a week or so? Is that too late? I really hope not! Thanks by the way!!!!

If I can get this cell nightmare worked out I will send you the number ASAP!!

Have a great day!!!!!
Regina}}
====Chris the philosopher====
[[Image:ECP_00015.jpg|thumb|Chris attached this image. It may as well have served as a warning.]]
{{EmailReply|It is nice to make your acquaintance, Regina. A meeting in a week is good. It is so cool you are going to UVA, because it is only about half to a full hour from my house in [[Ruckersville]], North of UVA up [[Wikipedia:Interstate 29|29]].

I have talked on Skype before, it can be a pain sometimes with [[Autism|miscommunications]] and the fees to call a phone number sometimes. At least it is one way to be in talking touch.

I went to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], where I got an Associates Degree and a Certificate in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] in [[2006]]. I would use the computer program to design 3D rendered models of mechanical parts and buildings. I even finished my final CADD class with a bang designing a [[CWCville Mall|Whole Shopping Mall]], Two Stories and a [[Mayor's Office]] on the second floor looking over the front entrance. It is huge. :)

I sometimes have [[CWCFlyingElephants|philosophical thoughts]], although I'm not all that knowledgeable in philosophy, perhaps you can inform me about it, even as your own review for your tests/exams.

I look forward to talking with you more and [[Sex|meeting you]]. Please tell me more about yourself in your next message, and I will tell you more as well. Also, I've attached a current photo of myself to this e-mail.

TTYL. :)
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====About Regina====
{{Email|About me? Well, I like [[Sonichu's Edge|running]], [[video games]] and [[music]]. But I really don't have much time for them. I spent a lot of time working in my father's company in the past. He used to get me to help him with [[English]]. He is learning but he still isn't very good yet, as you might have noticed. But now I have come to America to study! I'm from [[Wikipedia:Liberec|Liberec]] in the Czech Republic, but me and my family moved to Prague when my father started his company. Have you ever been to Prague? It's amazing!

I know a lot about philosophy! I love it!!! I have studied it forever. I can't wait to learn more by going to university!

I never heard of CADD before, I had to look it up lol. Do you work as a designer or something?

Till later.
Na shledanou (That's Czech)
Regina.}}
''Na shledanou'' means "Good bye."
====Still selling?====
{{Email|Hey did you get my last email?

Haven't heard from you in a bit. Are you still going to sell me your guitar hero controllers? I was thinking of collecting them Monday the 5th, cause I have lots of free time then.

Let me know.

Yours,
Regina.}}
====Tiny hints of creepiness====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying to you; I hadn't checked my e-mail over the weekend. The last e-mail I got from you was the one I last replied to. Did you get the picture I sent you? You may need to resend the last e-mail you said you sent.

Anyway, yes I still plan to sell you the guitars; Monday the 5th is good. We can meet up at the Barracks Road [[McDonalds]] at about 2 or 3 PM, and after the business, you and I can [[Rape|hang out for a while]].

Tell me, do you live in one of the dormatries around the UVA, or do you have your own place? And I still would like to hear more about you.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Slightly larger hints of creepiness====
{{EmailReply|Wow. :)

You learned [[Chris and English|english]] before your father, and you help him learn it, that is cool. What does he manufacture or do in his company? And how about your mother, does she still live with him? I have not been to Prague, but I'll look it up, and you can tell me more about it from your Point of View.

I am an avid designer, yes, yet [[Monthly tugboat|it's kinda hard to get such a job]] around Charlottesville at the time. I am also an [[Chris and art|artist]]; I will be delighted to share with you my [[Sonichu (comic)|original drawings]] and other artworks.

Gmail is okay; I was [[Jack Thaddeus E-Mails|in contact before]] with [[Jack Thaddeus|someone]] who had one; one or two pieces of e-mail get misplaced a bit, but we sorted out the miscommunications.

As for the McDonalds I was referring to, there is only one Barnes & Nobel Bookstore in Charlottesville; find it, and that McDonalds is nearby.

I'm currently living with my [[Barbara|mother]] and [[Bob|father]], but I too am looking forward to getting a place of my own, or sharin' a pad with my girlfriend (if I had one; I'm [[Virgin with rage|single]]). If things work out for you, I would be happy to be your roommate and help out.

A bit more info about myself, I'm 5'10", about [[Obesity|average body type]], [[Hetereochromia|my left eye is blue/right eye is green]] ([[Honest content|I had pink eye in my right during High School]], and my perscribed eyedrops changed its pigment), my hair is brown, my favorite color is blue/favorite shade is Crayola's "Battery-Charged Blue", I enjoyed reading [[R.L. Stine|R.L. Stein's]] "Goosebumps" and "Fear Street" books during my teenage years, my favorite movie of all time is "[[Mary Poppins]]", and my favorite food is [[SpaghettiRoutine|Macaroni & Cheese]].

I gtg, but I look forward to your next message and replying to it. :)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Chris.}}

====More about Regina====
{{Email|Yeah, my dad grew up under [[CWCville|the Communist system]]. So he had to learn Russian because they didn't teach English back then. He does really well though. His company makes clay and ceramic tiles by the way. Among other things.

Prague is one of the greatest cities in the world! We call it the Paris of the East. I attached a picture I took from my graduation trip. For a party we took a boat trip on the [[Wikipedia:Vltava|Vltava]] and I took this picture of the castle. It was such an awesome day. There are so many things to see and do. It is quite possibly the best place in Europe. But it feels good to get away for a while.

That's too bad about the jobs. I guess this financial crisis makes it hard to find work. It must be hard to make ends meet. I guess not a lot of people are building things so it must be hard to work as a designer. Do you do like freelance stuff? Cause I guess that would be REALLY hard to find work.

I guess I can look that McDonalds up on google maps or something. I'll find it. I just don't know cause I never eat there. Barnes and Noble is a book store right?

You're looking for a place too? I'm trying to find a 2 bedroom apartment around UVA for around 800$. I'm not sure how realistic that is yet. Most of the people I know are staying with family to keep things cheap. I'm kinda lucky cause my dad can help out and I saved up a lot. I'm trying to convince some of my friends so if they turn me down, I'll let you know. Are you a [[Chris' room|tidy]] guy? Do you [[Tobacky|smoke]]? Do you like [[Chris's Big Night Out|parties]]? I like to have the occasional party.

I guess I can tell you a bit more about me. I'm blond with brown eyes. I'm pretty short. Only 161 centimetres. I'm sorry cause I'm really not used to these American measurements yet so I don't know what that is in inches...

I have to admit, I have never heard of any of those books. I read a lot of [[CWCville|Kafka]]. I didn't like him at first but I gradually grew to like him. He's Czech so we had to read a lot of his books in school. I've never heard of Mary Poppins. I don't really watch American movies. I like them but most of the films I watch are European. I've heard many things about macaroni and cheese. But I'm kind of hesitant to try it. American cheese scares me. I have a CRAZY love for PEANUT BUTTER though.

What's pinkeye?

Na shledanou!
Regina.}}
====Chris rambles about himself====
{{EmailReply|To answer your questions, I consider myself a [[Chris and health|tidy person]], I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]], and I like parties ([[Alcohol|I'm a social drinker]]). Yet I'm willing to stay dry to be a desiginated driver.

I do a bit of freelance artwork, I was hoping to save this until when we met in person, but I am the [[Chris and copyright|original creator]] of the Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokemon|Pok'emon]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and their city of [[Cwcville]], VA. I have been internet famous for a few years, so I have [[Trolls|fans]] and [[Clyde Cash|internet bullies]]. The main Official Websites for Sonichu and Rosechu are [[CWCipedia]], Cwcipedia/CWC's Sonichu Site, and my Current [[YouTube]] account, "ChristianWChandler". Other similar websites that may be similar or calim to be "Official" are NOT. I am planning on getting paper-published soon, and there is no Official Merchandise available yet. I have all the original page drawings and my other original artworks here at my house.

And the Pinkeye, as stated on the "Pinkeye" article on [[Wikipedia]], "[[Wikipedia:Conjunctivitis|Conjunctivitis]] (commonly called "pink eye" or "Madras eye") is an inflammation of the conjunctiva (the outermost layer of the eye and the inner surface of the eyelids), most commonly due to an allergic reaction or an infection (usually viral, but sometimes bacterial)."

Getting back to your last e-mail, clay and ceramic tiles, that is cool. I have a cousin who used to sell ceramic pieces and statues, but he gave that up to become the Sheriff of his hometown. My father is a retired Engineer from General Electric (GE); he also was the Designer of the controls of the Plastic-Molding Machines, so without him, you would not have the plastic on your PC's keyboard, or the plastic on the [[Obesity|2-Liter soda bottles]].

I enjoyed the picture of the Vitava castle you sent me, thank you. :) I'm happy you were able to enjoy it.

<nowiki>Also, I just checked the math; at the rate of 2.5 cm = 1 inch, and 12 inches = 1 foot, 161 cm = 64.4 inches, whichs makes you about 5 feet, 4.4 inches. You're only just under 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than me.</nowiki>

Oh, and Barnes and Nobel IS a bookstore. Let me give you a directional piece, if you know where the interception of Ivy and Emmet is; down the road by UVA's "The Corner", passing by the road leading to the Alderman Library, ending by the Soccer Field and Tennis Courts. You go North on Emmet, and continue down until you see a Taco Bell on the left side, the McDonalds, Barnes & Nobel and the Barracks Road Shopping Center those are in are just beyond the [[Chloe|Taco Bell]]. You also pass the [[Greene County Conspiracy|John Paul Jones Arena]] on the way.

I may be able to help you on your apartment search. there is a website, http://www.craigslist.com, you go there, look up Virginia, then Charlottesville, then Apartments, they have listings from people who want to rent or sell apartments and other things.

You can look up Goosebumps and Fear Street at the libraries around town, under the "Young Adults" section, if you're looking for something new to read. I have read Franz Kafka a bit in High School; we read
"[[Wikipedia:The Metamorphosis|Metamorphasis]]". I enjoyed the comparisons between the busy salesman life he had, and what it would feel like to be a bug; so miniscule in life, with a lot of people stepping on you here and there.

Mostly, Macaroni and Cheese is made with Chedder, or sometimes it can be made with Swiss. And I enjoy the occasional peanut butter sandwich, it is a [[Chris_and_health#Nutrition|healthy choice]]. :)

Do you have a headshot photo of yourself you can share with me, please? I shared my headshot with you, and I would feel better if I can get a preview of your face. Also, I am 27 years old, how about you? And are you a bit of a drinker too?

I'm only curious. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL, Chris.}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that====
{{Email|Ok, that's cool that you are tidy. If my friends don't pull through, I'll keep you in mind.

Ok, so I'm a bit confused. Pokemons are those Japanese card game things right? So you designed some characters for these [[cards]] or video games? That's pretty cool. Does [[sonichu]] or [[rosechu]] mean something in Japanese? This isn't my computer. It belongs to my aunt (she's the family member I'm living with) and she needs it for work a lot. So I will have to check out your portfolio site or whatever later.

Pinkeye sounds really [[Honest Content|gross]].

Ok, thanks for the directions. I will see if I can get my friend to swing by with her car on Monday and we'll go pick them up. I don't think it will be a problem.

Thanks for the advice about Craigslist. I had already been checking it. I'm looking at a few possibilities.

Thanks for the book recommendations too, but I don't think I'll have time to check those out. I'll probably be too busy reading philosophy books for university. So you read Kafka? Only The Metamorphosis? My favourite from him is [[Wikipedia:The Trial|The Trial]]. Have you read it?

I tried one of these easy to make macaroni and cheese boxes last night. It was pretty horrible. I had to first get over the fact that the cheese was a powder, then I tried to eat it. I really didn't like it. My aunt eats it though. I just can't seem to get used to American cheese. Especially powdered. You don't make it like in Europe.

A headshot? Like for actors? I don't have any professional photos like that, but I can attach a normal one. I guess it makes sense cause you will have to recognise me. Here's a picture of me and my brother. This is from the last time we went camping.

I'm 20 years old. Which means I can't [[Alcohol|drink]] here. I like to have social drinks. In the Czech republic you can drink at 18. So It's really annoying. So sometimes I just drink with my friends at home when we can find someone who is old enough to get us a bottle of wine.

Talk soon I hope.

Na shledanou,
Regina.}}
====Random access humor demonstration====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your picture. You are soo cute and pretty. :)

FYI, Pokemon started as a video game on [[Nintendo]] Game Boy, then it became an anime, followed by the Trading Card Game. Sonichu and Rosechu are not japanese names, although the inspiration for "Sonichu" came from Sonic the Hedgehog's japanese name, "Soniku".

I will look up and read "The Trial", thank you for recommending it to me.

They have Macaroni and Cheese premade in the frozen food aisle of the grocery stores, I personally recommend the Marie Calandar brand; it is good, and it's inexpensive.

Maybe after you and I meet, I can come by your place and bring a spot of wine or something for you. ;)

I talked to my father about you a bit, and my father went on with his stories of Czechoslovakia; he's been a bit around the world, and he studies his atlases and maps. He informed me about what had happened there during the WWII and such. Clearify it for me and him, is the country split up like Czech and Slovak Republics, or is it still combined to Czechoslovakia?

Also, my father had some friends back in the late 1970s who were from Czechoslovakia; they had left there for America illegally, so they could never go back. Anyway, my dad and mom enjoyed conversing with them, and they all would also share the [[Wikipedia:Slivovitz|Slivovitch]] (Plum Brandy) they would bring over. He really enjoyed it, it came in this perfume bottle-shaped bottle with plums on the label. Locally, the closest place to find the Slivovitch, as far as my dad knows, is just north in Maryland.

You would likely have an enjoyable conversation of Czechoslovakia, or the Czech Republic, with him. I'm not all that knowledgeable in geography personally, but I can learn.

Another little something else about me, I can be funny; sometimes I'll [[Random Access Humor|think of something silly, witty or random]] that makes me and my family smile and/or laugh about. Like for example, I used to go on about people with [[HippoOnYourHead|Hippopotami on their heads]]. :D Or this man from Nantucket who had on his head a bucket. :D Even a Lawer named Tom Sawer who had a daughter named Sue. :D And recently a silly song line of [[RandomSong1|a cow named Moo]], "Hey there, Moo, wha'cha gonna do? Are you gonna give me some milk today? Moo. Moo." :D

And sometimes, I like to take words, spell them backwards and say them like that. My name, "Christian Weston Chandler" would be "[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]". Or your name, "Regina Kovacs" would be "Scavok [[Niggos|Aniger]]". And sometimes, I take numbers and replace letters in words with them. 1 can be I, L or J. 2 can be Q, R, S, Z. 3 can be B, E, M, N or W. And so on for the other single digits; all it takes is a spot of imagination. I can spell my first name as [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|CH2127143]] from CHRISTIAN.

I'll stop for now, and I understand if you're feeling [[Slow-in-the-minds|confused]] from the wordplay. But I can be quite creative and clever.

So our meeting is set then, Monday the 5th, 2:00 PM, at the Barracks Road McDonalds. We can get the guitar business done, then sit, talk and I'll be happy to treat you for lunch. I look forward to seeing you, and I feel this can be a good friendship. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Love and Peace,
Chris.

P.S.

BTW, "Na shledanou", is that Czech for "Love" or "Sincerely"?}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that bullshit====
{{Email|Hey thanks for the compliment! I think I am a little too thin though. It's not a very good pic though. I didn't bring my computer with me cause I need to buy a new one, so I saved most of my stuff on CDs before I came. That's the only one I could find of me. Somewhere around here I have pics from my graduation which are really cool but I don't know where.

So is this Soniku thing pretty [[Chris and money|profitable]]? I always wondered if people who design stuff for video games make a lot of money and if it is hard work or a lot of fun. Designing video games sounds like something that would be fun, but I have zero artistic talent and I don't think I could ever master all this digital design stuff. I just like playing them.

To be honest, I think I will steer clear of macaroni and cheese for the time being. [[America]]n cheese in general isn't really appealing to me. It's all processed and everything. It doesn't seem like it would be all that good for you. But I don't really know. I'm just not a fan.

Wine is pretty good. I like white. Do you know any American brands that are really good wine? I have tried a couple from California but I want to get a good sampling. You don't need to buy me any, I think you could get in trouble or something right? My country is better known for beer, though I am not the biggest fan of it.

I don't understand if you said your dad has been to the Czech republic or he knows a lot about it. I can certainly clarify it for both of you! In [[1989]], communism ended in what we call the sametová revoluce, think in English it's called the soft revolution or the [[Wikipedia:Velvet Revolution|velvet revolution]] or something like that. Then, a couple of years later, there was a referendum and we decided to split up. On January 1st [[1993]], we became two countries again.

Your dad has tried slivovica! And he enjoyed it! That's great! We make many of these drinks from other fruit too. We call them pálenka. I like slivovica too. Have you tried it?

I am not so sure that I understand this humour. Why did the people have hippos on their heads? And does the cow belong to this lawyer? I think you will have to explain these a bit more to me. One thing I have a lot of trouble with is American jokes. Czech humour is very different. Don't worry though, I don't think you would understand many Czech jokes. I have tried telling some to my friends and no one ever laughs.

My name isn't actually Regina Kovacs, it's Regina Novakova. Walter isn't my real father. He married my mum when I was very small. My father died in an accident before I was born but I kept his name. Walter is the only dad I've ever known though. I guess that isn't as interesting if you spell it backwards.

I would be happy to have lunch with you. I don't really like McDonalds though. I find their food to be really bad. One of my friends and her boyfriend may be driving me though. Can she come too? That's not certain yet. I may borrow my aunt's car if she doesn't need it.

Actually "na shledanou" just means "goodbye". I guess that's kind of formal. If you want to be friendlier, you can just say "čau" or "pápá". Love in Czech is "láska" and "I love you" is "miluji tě". I guess if you are looking for an equal to a closing in a letter you would say something like "upřímně váš" but that's kind of formal too.

Ok, sorry, no more language lessons.

Čau! :)
Regina}}
====Chris rambles like a motherfucker====
{{EmailReply|I got your last e-mail on [[October 2009|October]] 1. :) BTW, that was my mother's birthday too; she's 68 now. I've been busy lately, and I apologize for not replying sooner. I would have replied yesterday, but [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2009|my mom came down ill]] (thought to be food poisioning at first but it's confirmed to be [[Barbara_Chandler#Recent_health_problems|colitis]]; a colon infection); had to be rushed to the Martha Jefferson Hospital. She is still recovering, and she is feeling better now.

Now, in response to your last e-mail, firstly, I think your figure looks great; I would not change it. ;) And more pics of you would be good, I look forward to seeing your Graduation Pics.

Sonichu can be profitable, but the plan is to get paper published with a comic book company like Archie or Marvel (or self-publish if they refuse me), then my comics can be mass-printed, sold, and merchandise and profits to follow.

I'm not all that a video game designer, but I have had experience with part and building desiging on the CADD programs, as well as in-video game designing, such as the level-creation-styles of [[LittleBigPlanet]]. And before then with in-game customizations with games such as [[Animal Crossing]], [[Wikipedia:Jet Set Radio|Jet Grind Radio]], [[Wikipedia:F-Zero GX|F-Zero GX]], and others. I'm also looking forward to the upcoming [[ModNation Racers|Modnation Racers]]. BTW, you said you play video games too, which console(s) do you own? If you have a PS3, we can be exchange [[PSN]] Online IDs and communicate through there too.

I've just started drinking last June; my first drink was a [[Chris's_Big_Night_Out|Long Island Iced Tea]]; Delicious. :)P I've enjoyed the tastes of a local wine I sampled from a local winery. I've also tasted [[Wikipedia:Mike's Hard Lemonade Co.|Mike's Hard Lemonade]], [[Wikipedia:Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch)|Budwiser]], [[Wikipedia:Miller Brewing Company|Miller]], [[Wikipedia:Anheuser-Busch_brands#Michelob|Micolobe]], [[Wikipedia:Samuel Adams (beer)|Samual Adams]] and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour. I have not yet tried the Slivovich

From the jokes I told you, most were word-play jokes; the hippo joke was just silly. :D No, the lawer did not own the cow; those two scenarios were seperate. "Lawyer" and "Sawyer" rhyme, and what does a lawyer do? "Sue" someone. I'll sing the cow lyric for you on Monday when we meet; it's funnier when heard anyway.

Your friends may come for lunch too. I can think of three other good places: CiCi's Pizza has good pizza, salads, soups and desserts; all you can eat. Tropical Smoothie Cafe has good flatbread sandwiches that come with your choice of chips or fruit, and their smoothies are tasty too. Baja Bean has some good mexican food. I'm also open for your suggestions, or what you feel like then.

I'm sorry to hear that about your original father, but at least you had Walt to be your emotionally supportive dad, and you still have your mother too. :) It's always good to count your blessings.

[[Chris and religion|Do you go to church]]? I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Wesley United Methodist Church]], south-bound on Emmet St. beyond the tennis courts, across from the UVA parking garage there. I was baptized there Mother's Day of 2008; my father and I are Methodists, and my mother is Presbertyrian.

Do you have siblings? I have two half-brothers and one half-sister. My mother had [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]; a movie reviewer in New York City, currently living with his girlfriend and her family. He also has a website, [http://www.colesmithey.com http://www.colsmithey.com]. My father had [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]]. Alan is an Optomologist in Chesterfield County; he is married and has a daughter; her name is Savannah. Carol has a PHD and Degree in Math, and last my father and I heard, she was working with the Government in DC; Top Secret Stuff. Seriously, I HAVE NO INKLING of where in DC she is or what's she been up to.

Does your mother work too, or is she a housewife? My mother held a number of Secretarial jobs; most recent was at First North American National Bank (Partnered with Circuit City) where she worked in Recovery. She's retired now; she used to be an adequate homemaker, but since she retired, she's been taking it easy a lot.

BTW, my father's name is Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., and my mother's is Barbara Anne Weston Chandler.

And I have a number of aunts, uncles and cousins I'll be happy to tell you about at a later time. Please feel free to tell me some about your family and y'alls history.

Also, I am 1/32 [[Cherokee]], from my father's side; I am also part English, British and French (British and French from my mother's). My family tree includes the Boleyn family; [[Anne Boleyn]], one of King Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to Queen Elizabeth I. Anne was related in an Aunt-Sense; my mom and I are more directly linked to her sister, Mary Boleyn. At least, as far as my mother found in her family's history. the next link she found was Richard Weston, First Earl of Portland. I'm still trying to find the link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn. Anyway, another one of my ancestors after Richard was the dude who bartered for the Mayflower for the English People to board and take that famous Pilgrimage.

I'll stop there for now.

Anyway, our meeting is settled then; this coming Monday at the Barracks Road McDonalds at 2:00 PM. We'll make the business exchange of the guitars for the $90.99, USD, then we'll hang out with a spot of lunch. :)

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe and Take Care,
Cau,
Chris.
(I do not know how to type in an acented letter from my keyboard or AOL e-mail)}}

====Regina drops some hints====
{{Email|Hey Christian. I am at a friends house right now. I am a little bit drunk because we have been drinking some wine her dad gave us. Please excuse any spelling errors. :)

That is pretty cool about your Soniku thing. I hope you get it published. I still havent seen [[CWCipedia|your website]]. I guess I should check it out if you are famous for it or something.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Is she ok? It sounds pretty serious. What happened exactly?

When I get home from my friends house I will send you some grad photos. I have what I think is the perfect dress.

Yeah I figured the joke you were talking about would be better in person. Do you have any more examples? Im trying to understand as much as possible. Oh, feel free to correct my English too, I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to languages.

Ok, so we can meet at McDonalds and then go somewhere else. I really dont want to eat there. The taco place you mentioned sounds pretty cool. I dont think my friend and her boyfriend will be coming.

As for video games, I have a PS3 and mostly just play guitar hero. Thats why we are buying the controllers from you. Cause me and my friend are really competitive. We want to compete against each other.

[[Megan_Schroeder#Megan_Saga|Ugh, there is this really fat ugly guy at this party who keeps touching me and annoying me by talking about some stupid drawings he does.]] Hes really an idiot. Luckily my friend keeps shooing him away.

I dont really go to church a lot. I went to a Catholic secondary school. But in the Czech republic, religion is not all that popular. Ive never really found all that much reason to go to [[church]]. I dont know what methodism is. Im kind of a Christian Existentialist anyway. I really like [[Wikipedia:Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]].

Anyway, my thumbs are getting tired from typing this on my friends iPhone so I think I will get back to partying. Ill send you the pictures tomorrow.

Ahoj!!! :)
Regina}}
====Nazi joke====
{{Email|Hey, sorry for last night. I was in no state to be sending emails. I was kind of just doing it to look busy so [[Christian Weston Chandler|that guy]] would stop bothering me. I didn't really answer all your questions!!!!

So, in addition to the stuff I mentioned last night:

I do have some siblings. There is my brother Kristián I mentioned before, and my little sister Kateřina. Kristian is 25 and just started his own company. Kateřina is 15 and still attending secondary
school. My mom does work. She has a dog grooming business. My ancestors haven't done anything special. At least not that I know of. Maybe they have but Novák is such a common name in the Czech republic
the relation would be insignificant. I would check my Dad's side but Kovač is even more common than Novák. I don't like to be judged on my [[Anne Boleyn|family]] [[Daniel Weston|history]] anyway and prefer people assess me for what I do.

I have a Czech joke for you:
 During the Nazi occupation, a Gestapo officer drags a Czech man into a prison and says "lock him up!"
 The clerk asks, "what did he do?"
 The Gestapo officer says "he shouted '[[Michael Snyder|Jews]] out! Germans in their place!'"
 The clerk says "why did you arrest him for that? That's the new law!"
 The Gestapo officer says "he was in a Jewish cemetery!"

It's not the best joke but it's the only one that anyone has understood when I told it to them. Do you have any more jokes to consider before we meet?

So, at the Barracks road McDonalds at 2pm. Please expect that I will be a little late.

Hopefully I will hear from you by email before then. OK? :)

Get the guitars ready xixixi.

How is your mom doing?

Oh... and picture attched.

Čau čau!!!
Regina.}}
====The meeting arranged====
{{EmailReply|I've just downloaded and saw your pic; WOW! You're like Cinderella from the Disney movie; Beeeautiful! :)

I will have the two guitars and their USB receivers ready for you; please make sure you have the cash on hand to pay for them. $91 is acceptable; I will be happy to give you the penny in change. Also, I've just purchased PS3 Rock Band Country Track Pack for the code to download the Tracks to be playable in Rock Band 1 + 2. I was thinking about putting it on eBay for $19.99, but if you want it, I'll be happy to include it with the guitars, as a Free Bonus.

Do you get WiFi at your place, so we could communicate over the Playstation Network? If you don't, I recommend it. I get WiFi here at my house and as far as its yard streches property-wise, courtesy of Comcast Cable; I have a cable modem box with a WiFi Router equipped to it. It is a good deal, especially with Guitar Hero titles; I buy and download the additional Tracks from the Playstation Store (some of which are free).

Another great game I highly recommend for the PS3 is [[LittleBigPlanet]]; in addition to the Story Mode and customizing your Sackperson, you can collect the in-game parts and pieces and create your own levels. I have a few of my own uploaded onto the PSN. "LittleBigPlanet... It is a planet that is little; it is a planet that is big."

Anyway, by the taco place, do you mean the Taco Bell or the Baja Bean, just so I'm clear on that? It's okay if you come by yourself, and I understand if you're late; I'll wait for you. You'll know I'm there if you see a [[Son-Chu|dark blue station wagon-shaped Ford Escort]] with "Sonichu" on the License Plate, and an Autobot symbol on it's trunk door in the nearby parking spaces.

I would not judge you on your family history; it still makes a good conversation or research topic.

The hospital just released my mother this morning, and my father brought her home this afternoon. She is still recovering, and my father and I went out earlier to get her new perscriptions, but at least she doesn't have to make as many restroom runs now.

Your joke is good. I have a few other jokes, as well as a riddle or two. Or I may come up with something new at random. [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|I get some of my material from past comedy shows and movies]]. Three comedians I enjoy are Red Skelton, Lucille Ball and Jerry Sienfeld.

I look forward to meeting you and hanging out with you tomorrow. :)

Cau Cau, and Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Subtlety is wasted on Chris====
{{EmailReply|I'm glad you had a good time last night at your friend's house, and I'm sorry you had to deal with [[Chris|that fat guy]]. It's good to be blessed with friends to help you like that. :)

Oh, and Methodism, as well as Presbertianism, are both of Christian Religions; you may look them up on Wikipedia.

Cau,
Chris.}}
====eh [[Kick the Autistic|kicks autistics]] and doesn't afraid of anything====
{{Email|First off, I'm supposed to say HI FROM [[Gregg Mays|GREGG WITH THREE Gs]].

He said you had family business to attend to and couldn't make it. He was kind enough to drop off the guitars. Thank you for the discount by the way! 50% is huge! Gregg also took the liberty of cleaning off the stickers and paint. He said it looked kind of bad. But they look like new now! Thanks!

Hope nothing is too serious and you got it all sorted out.

Gregg is pretty cool guy.

ČAU!!!!
Regina :)}}
====Oh the guitars are good too====
{{Email|I got the computer for a couple minutes. Just wanted to say that we should hang out sometime soon since I didn't get to see you. I Skyped my dad and told him to leave some good feedback about the guitars.
They work great!!!!

See you soon I hope!!! :)

ČAU ČAU
Regina.}}
====Chris totally hates Gregg Mays====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying sooner.

Listen, this "Gregg" you met up with is an Enemy of mine; he is NOT to be trusted. He is an internet [[Troll]]/Bully. In fact, that is not his real name; he goes by "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash", but niether one of them are his real name. You bought the two guitars from a crook, a fiend. I felt shocked when you mentioned his name in your last e-mail; I was hoping to avoid having to talk about that son of a bitch.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

[[Chris and his ego|I had to be fated to become internet famous]]...

Anyway, I will still be happy to meet up with you and hang out. Perhaps we can hang out at the [[Fashion Square Mall]]. Let me know which day would be good for you.

Also, I would like you to get in touch with my [[gal-pal]] I've told you a bit about earlier; she will be introducing herself in an e-mail soon; her address is ''*redacted*''. That way, you'll get to know one of my friends as well. :)

BTW, I've relisted the two guitars on eBay; it was wierd to get the positive feedback after you've bought the guitars from Someone Else (who happens to be a crook).

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Outrage====
{{Email|OH MY GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!

Not at you of course.

So this guy who sold me [[guitar]]s wasn't even a friend of yours? I'm not sure I fully understand this... so he came with two identical guitars and took the [[money]] that was supposed to go to you? I'm amazed. Have I go the story right? It's amazing how being on the internet can bring out so many stupid people!!! I am SOOOO SORRY. There was no way I could have known! Can you forgive me?

What about the feedback, should I tell my dad to leave it there? It doesn't seem honest but this guy has ripped you off. What do you think?

As far as hanging out goes, we will soon guaranteed. I have to head home to Prague this weekend cause [[Barb|my mom is sick. It doesn't seem too serious, but I should visit my family. It's good to see them when they are down you know? What sort of things do you want to do? Good news is I have my own laptop now, so I can email more frequently. Email me lots over the weekend cause I may be pretty bored in Prague. I'm kind of excited though because I will be going to see family in Liberec and I get to RIDE THE TRAIN!!!

I would love to talk to your friend!!! I am trying to meet as many new people as possible. It can get lonely being a foreigner here and I want to practice my [[English]] too! What's a [[gal-pal]]?

I attached another photo from my [[graduation]]. It's of me and my two bestest teachers. Do you have any favourite lektors from school or university?

How's your mom? And how is the job hunt? I've been trying to find some work recently too.

Ok, study break is over. Back to the work.

ČAU MOJ!!
Regina.}}
====Absence====
{{Email|Haven't heard from you in a while. You aren't angry with me are you?

I finally took a peek at your [[YouTube]] account. There's a lot of [[Chris and anger|angry videos]] on there. What is happening? Should I be worried about [[Clyde Cash|this Gregg person]]?

What should I do?

Regina}}
====We cool====
{{EmailReply|Hey, Regina. No, I am not angry with you; we are cool.

As long as you ignore him and don't communicate further with Gregg, don't worry. BTW, since you've met "Gregg" in person, can you describe what he looks likes; height, body build, [[Heterochromia|eye color]], skin, hair color/style and such?

Don't worry about the whole mess; it's MY mess, and I am and will deal with it personally.

And don't worry about the Guitar deal; I've relisted them on [[eBay]]; it's all cool.

How is your mother; I hope she's doing better? And let's try to re-schedule our meet and greet hang-out; do you know where Fashion Square Shopping Center is?

TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====The many faces of Gregg====
{{Email|Hey there.

Sure I can describe Gregg. He's a kind of square shouldered guy. He's [[black]]. He's around 190 cm and he had some [[51 50|pretty big biceps]]. He had pretty short [[hair]] too. I am not really good at telling black people apart to be honest. I've been getting some weird emails too. Do you think they may be from him?

My mom is doing better. Thank you for asking. Though she is still pretty weak. They aren't sure why. They want to do more tests.

I've heard about the [[Fashion Square Mall]], why do you ask? I have yet to go there.

I've read a bit from your Sonichu site. I'm not sure I totally understand it.

Čauko!

Regina}}
====Chris explains YouTube madness====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your description.

I've asked about Fashion Square, because I go there often, and it would be an ideal place to meet up. I'm free any afternoon; just let me know the day and time, and we can try to meet up again. :)

As for the wierd e-mails, make note of the sender e-mail addresses, block them, and delete any future wierd e-mails without reading them. You can pretty much tell in the subject line anyway.

Also, for the recently uploaded videos on YouTube; they were directed to my [[trolls]], including the crazy-acting [[Sign Destruction Video|one where I break that hunk of wood]] (I was trying to scare them away with that one), please do not judge me from those. Although they do emphasize my dramatic side.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Insane people in malls====
{{Email|Yo, wassup?

Yeah, I'm not a really big fan of American malls. I seem to meet so many weird people in them. Usually some people shouting and being weird. I keep seeing all kinds of [[Attraction Sign|strange things]] in malls.

How about this: I finally got an apartment hookup through my friend. She found a great place near the University. I haven't seen it yet but I am totally trusting of her. We are going to take possession around the middle of [[November 2010|November]]. We are SOOOO having a house party. Are you down? We are going to get WASTED and break the house in proper.

I'll block the emails. Just like you recommended. What are trolls anyway? I always thought they were some ugly things from children's stories that ate goats. I'm kind of getting the sense from what I have read that they are some sort of internet haters or something. What exactly do they want with you?

The videos are pretty interesting. I thought [[War Paint Video|the Indian one]] was cute :) but I don't really understand it. Tell me more about your dramatic side!

I totally talked to your friend! She seems really cool. How did you meet her? Is she like your girlfriend or something? I love meeting new people. It gets so hard being a foreigner here when everything is weird.

Back to studying!!!!!

Těší mě!!!

Regina.}}

====Chris believes the trolls are jealous of him====
{{EmailReply|Firstly, [[Kim]] is not my girlfriend; she already has a boyfriend; she and i are just friends. I met her through an old friend of mine.

The house party sounds like fun. :) I am down with that. But I would still like to meet you in person ASAP. How about this, since you don't like the mall, and I recall you telling me you liked the taco place, how about we meet at a [[Taco Bell]]? There are two in [[Charlottesville]]; one nearby the Barracks Road Shopping Center, and one nearby the Albemarle Square, where the ACAC Fitness Center<ref>[http://cville.acac.com/]</ref> is located. Just let me know which day you will be free, and I can meet you at one of the two Taco Bells (We'll need to specify which one beforehand) that afternoon.

In this case, Trolls are Internet Bullies; they pick on people for the "LULZ" (or "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|Laughs Under Lucridicities]]" as I put it); Laughs at other people's expense. They try to trick, or hack, the victim or their associates to gather dirt and information on them, and twist and turn the truth around and make terrible, slanderous jokes at their expense. Mostly, they pick on celebrities; I do not really understand why me of all people. But they are just lowly individuals who most likely hang out practically 24/7 in their basements in front of their computers. The only theory I have is that they're jealous of me and my creative ideas and comics.

Anyway, I gtg; I have a few things to do right now, but I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Philosophy reading====
{{Email|Hello!!! :)

Well, the thing is, I want to meet you too. But right now this philosophy at university is driving me mad!!! I have so much reading to do I am spending all my time in classes or at home with my nose in a book. I figure once I can get the bulk of my reading under control, I am totally yours to meet. I'll guarantee we can meet before the housewarming party, but not at this exact moment.

Not unless you can explain my philosophy readings to me :D Why does it need to be ASAP?

I am really not a fan of fast food, maybe we can go to [[Chris's Big Night Out|a nightclub or bar or something]]... do you know any good ones??

So I think I understand the whole trolls thing. I read a bit of your bio on that cogsdev thing you sent me. It seems like a pretty confusing story. It sounds pretty tragic too.

Anyway, in the meantime, until we meet that it, can I keep sending you emails to keep my English up to date? Although she speaks perfect English, my Aunt only wants to speak Czech all the time... All my readings are in English but I keep getting worried my social English will go out the window. Can I ask you some questions before we meet?

Pusinky :*
Regina.}}
''Pusinky'' means "dolls."
====The sooner the better====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; we can meet up at the Baja Bean across from [[Wal-Mart]]; they have a bar there, and they do check for ID, but it is smoke-free and clean. Plus, they have Karaoke Friday Nights there at 9:00. It doesn't have to be ASAP, but the sooner the better, I feel. And of course you may ask me as many questions as you please, and I can think of some in response to those as well. :) I continue to look forward to our meet and greet.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Questions about America====
{{Email|Hey!!!

Ok, cool. I like to ask foreigners a lot of questions. Because this is the first time I have lived in [[America]], so there are so many things I am curious about...

Ok, so check this out. I saw [[War Paint Video|your video where you are dressed up like an Indian]]. Do they still live on reservations and stuff? I haven't met anyone who is an Indian (at least not that I know of) and no one seems to really know that much about them. Do you? You said you had some ancestry, so I was just curious. Do you follow any traditions? The only things I know about Indians are from the Winnetou books and movies and I'm not sure how accurate they are.

Oh hey, do you have any more books to recommend other than [[Goosebumps|those RL Stien books]]? My brother is looking for some good books and those ones aren't available in the Czech republic. He needs to read more because his English sucks almost as much as my dad's.

I went through some of your comics. Pretty interesting. Where did you learn to draw? I have been reading books on how to draw but can't seem to get anything right. I read a lot of theory books like from Marvel and stuff but I never seem to improve. I would take lessons but that will have to wait until University is over.

Ok, and a couple of American things that really get me confused...

The first is [[halloween]]. Everyone seems to make a big deal of it. I don't get it. We don't have it in the Czech republic but everyone knows what it is. But what's the big deal anyway? A lot of people have invited me to parties. Are you going to a party? I don't understand how this thing for kids to get candy has turned into adults dressing up for parties.

Also, politics. People really seem to ramble about politics a lot. I think I kind of get the sense of what the parties are about. Who do you vote for? I hope that's not too personal a question. And a lot of people seemed to hate [[George Bush]]. Why didn't they like him so much? And now a lot of people don't like [[Obama]]. Why don't people like him? ARRRRGH, I'm so confused. And what's with all these conspiracies... ABOUT BOTH.

Oh hey, on a by the way sort of note... My dad's is starting up this new media company and he needs writer/editor type people with HTML skills for a website. I read on your site that you know a bit about that. They are having trouble finding skilled people to fill the position. Would you be interested in the email address or are you too busy with freelance work? I don't know anything about how much it pays but my dad said just refer (he told me to ask anyone I knew) people to his HR manager and they would happily answer questions. I still feel bad about the guitar thing and hoped this would make it up to you.

Gaaah! I need to get back to all this philosophy reading. All these books make me think about our place in the world. Do you think there is a grand design or something? Do you have a personal philosophy? After reading all this, I don't know what to believe...

Ask me some questions so I can procrastinate in these readings LOL!!!

Ok. Back to work.

Čau moj!
Regina}}
====Wikipedia: The answer to everything====
{{EmailReply|Cool. Well, in order to your questions; firstly, I am 1/32 [[Cherokee]]. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations. The proper term is not Indian (that term was misconstruded when Christopher Colombus landed at what would later be called America, and he thought it was India (his originally planned destination) and he referred to the people as people of India by mistake; the proper term is Native American. I currently do not know of any traditions to follow of my Cherokee ancestry, but information on "Cherokee" can be looked up on Wikipedia.

The only other books I can remember having read, off the top of my head, is "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Wednesday's Child" and "The Giver". The authors escape me, but again, check on Wikipedia.

My drawing style, I would say is mostly natural, but I have learned about perspectives and such from Numerous Art Classes I took throughout my lifetime in all my schools I went to. I can shed some light on perspectives for you and help you practice drawing in the future. :) Do you have any samples of your drawing style you'd like to share with me? I can critique it and offer you honest, detailed feedback that can help you as well.

Halloween History can be looked up on Wikipedia, but the costumed portions, from what I've heard, started in these United States in Salem with Witches, spooks and the like. As portrayed in [[Wikipedia:Treehouse of Horror VIII|a "Treehouse of Horror" episode]] of "[[The Simpsons]]", one theory states that some of those witches wanted children for one of their brews or something, so they went house-to-house. But instead of taking the children, they were offered cookies, candies and treats, and the witches accepted those instead. And eventually, the trend of Trick or Treat and costumed people going house-to-house followed for a Halloween tradition. Adults like to dress up to get into the spirit, and parties are a given as such for fun and enjoyment. I know of a halloween party I plan on going to nearby the Downtown [[Mall]]; if we meet soon enough, I would like to invite you to come with me there. :) If you came with me, what would you dress up as? And I encourage your own personal creativity. As a suggestion, if you still have your prom dress, all you would need are a pair of clear transparent slippers and a tiara, and you come as Cinderella.

I am not all that into politics, but I do know some things from ear (Bush and Obama and why people dislike them can be found on the Wikipedia also). You may be talking about George Bush JUNIOR that people have disliked; I don't know much of why. As for Obama, people are disliking him, because he supposedly is being a wuss and has pulled back some of the US Armed Forces from other countries. And currently, his Health Plan; to my understanding, it would just be a costly thing that Americans are not ready for yet, because we can't afford it yet, due to the recent recession (which didn't seem like that big of a deal in my opinion; I just lived on day by day, and I'm still okay). And there's the deal with another country concealing a nuclear facility from him; they don't want to give a tour, and they're saying it's there for "Peace Reasons". Obama's trying to get other countries' support to make this country show him their facility. That's what I know right now. I recommend learning what you can in research to help settle your confusion more if you feel the need.

Also, as for voting, in current events, my main concern is on the [[Wikipedia:Governor of Virginia| Governer of Virginia]]; [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnel]] or [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Craig Deeds]]. There are tales of McDonnel wanting to take Virginia backwards, in a sense, by supporting a law created by Bush Jr. (I think). And McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and he would make it illegal, even in incest or rape, and for married couples, to have the choice. On the other hand, Craig supports higher taxes for gas, housing and such. Currently, Craig is ahead, but my father and I both feel that Neither McDonnel or Craig are good; they're both poor choices. We're even thinking on Election Day to Write in [[Peanuts|Snoopy (Charlie Brown's dog)]] instead of voting for McDonnel or Craig. LOL

I do have good knowledge of raw HTML, and I created the Most Original [[CWC's Sonichu Site]], as well as its predecessor, [[CWC's PokeSite 2]], from raw HTML text in Notepad. I have had two classes; one during [[High School]] and one later at [[PVCC]]. I would need more information on your dad's company, and the web server that is set up for his company, but I am up for that. ;)

Personal philosophy, I'm not sure; I have thought about it before, but it escapes me at the moment. I promise to recall, remember it and get back to you on that.

Also, for bars I've been to, I've also been to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebees]] (the one by [[Toys]] 'R' Us; they have Karaokee Mondays), the [[Wikipedia:T.G.I. Friday's|TGIFridays]] by [[Target]], and Club R2 (A.K.A. the Rapture) in the Downtown Mall (I don't know much about R2, but they do print their events in [[Charlottesville]]'s "[[The Hook]]" weekly newsletter magazine (it's Free). Have you been to any yourself yet, and if so which ones?

I'll think up some more questions for you by the next e-mail.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina is just full of questions====
{{Email|Word up yo...

Ok, thanks for telling me about the whole Indian/Native American thing. No one corrected me on that yet and I have been saying it all along. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess it is hard to preserve traditions like that. I guess most of it was verbal history too.

I don't think I will offer up any drawings for critique just yet. I am not sure they are good enough. Maybe I will, but I will have to find them first. Like a lot of my personal photos they are strewed around on a whole variety of different CDs. I'll look, but no promises.

Ok, so I think I get the whole deal behind halloween parties. I guess it just makes sense to have an excuse to dress up crazy and go out to have fun. The halloween party you mentioned sounds like fun, can you tell me more about it? I would go, but I think I will have to fly back to the Czech republic cause my mom is still sick. My dress is there anyway, it was too much to pack. Surely you must know some nice lady you can take there? What are you dressing up as? That's what I'm really curious about. And why are you choosing this costume... oh, please take photos of your costume if I don't get to see it.

Thank you for clearing that bit up about politics. Can you explain to me, if you don't like these two men, why you would write a cartoon character's name? Are these the only two men? Is there really no other people? That sounds a little bizarre to hae only two people to choose from. I guess no one else wanted the position? The way you put it, Obama does sound like kind of a wuss. Do you think he is right to pull back the armies from these arab countries? I read the Wikipedia article on George Bush Junior. It seems that people don't like him because of immigrants or something. And he doesn't seem to care about the environment and people seem to think he allows torture. And mostly the wars he started too... how reliable is this Wikipedia? Are these things really so bad? Good luck with choosing the governor.

Ok, I don't know the details about HTML and things. Computers are not my specialty. My dad told me to find anybody interested and forward them on to him. His email is *redacted* so it is probably best just to contact him. He may get his assistant to write back, because, well, you have read his English already. If he does reply on his own, go easy on him, k? :) You have some pretty good chances of getting the job cause they are having a really hard time getting a pool of applicants. They really want an English speaker, but no one seems to want to work for a Czech company.

I have been to a few bars, but I forget the names of most of the places. I think I went to some bar called [[Vivian]]'s or some place next to it or something. I really need to start remembering the names of all these places. A couple of discos too. I will pick up a copy of The Hook and look for these events you suggest.

Here's another few questions I thought of. Have you ever thought about doing comic plots for different characters? Like maybe doing a spinoff for one of your current characters or designing a new set of characters with a new story? Or are you just sticking to your current universe? And why/why not? My brother used to read a lot of comics so he may ask me about your mentality or whatever the next time I see him.

Hey also, we were talking about philosophy, that's cool if you don't remember your personal views. I guess it isn't something the average person thinks about every day. What about your future? What do you see in your future? I am always curious about this with everybody. I see myself being like my father or brother and starting my own business, but some different kind of business. Not like the traditional kind. I just don't know what yet. What about you? What kinds of things would you like to do? Maybe in ten years or when you retire? Or next year, whatever...

Anyway, back to the books!

Papá!!
Regina}}
====Chris babbles about costumes, politics, and dreams====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; I look forward to any drawings you are able to share with me. :)

The Halloween party I'm planning on going to is on Saturday October 31 at the Key Center, 800 E. Market St,<ref>[http://www.thekeycenter.info/]</ref> at 7 - 9 PM; $3 per person, $5 per couple; I will pay our way in if you decide to come with me. I thought I've mentioned that I currently have a few gal-pals (who are already taken), but no girlfriend for myself yet (I'm single). So, other than you, I do not have anyone else I could take. I'm going to go in this outfit I sometimes wore before to the [[Pokemon]] [[Trading Card Game]] League I used to attend that made me look like Ash Ketchum. I thought of making up an outfit to go as Captain N, from that classic Nintendo TV Show, "[[Wikipedia:Captain N: The Game Master|Captain N, the Game Master]]", but it's hard for me to find a matching jacket at Goodwill, even an "N" to stitch onto the jacket. I'll send you a photo in the next e-mail.

I'm sorry to hear your mother is still ill; please offer her my humble condolences and wishes for full recovery. :)

The wikipedia is most reliable; the people who post on there most of the time quote their sources; books, newspapers, other websites, etc.

McDonnel and Deeds are the only two candidates for VA Governer at this time, and with both of them being not so swift candidates, it just seems fitting to write-in the fictional character as a comical alternative. My father brought up the idea of writing Snoopy in first, and I was hip to the idea, because it made me laugh. :D As for why, McDonnel is Against [[Women's rights|Abortion Rights]], and Deeds would Raise Taxes; it's like one would [[Retard]]ate [[Virginia]], and one would Make Things [[Chris and money|MORE Expensive]].

As for Obama, I would have to agree with popular opinion on the issue of him pulling back our troops; I feel what he did there was like saying, "We're not worthy; please do with us as you wish, and we will offer no resistance." Pitiful.

I will respect and understand your father's english capabilities and wording at my best. :)

I do not plan on any spin-offs for [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic series]]; there are a LOT of characters and such, and I feel it would be more complicated and difficult to do such at this time. But in future pages, I do plan on expanding on each individual character with their individual stories and adventures. I have all my ideas written in my Brain's [[Diary]].

As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but [[Dreams|I HAVE A DREAM]]! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.

Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him [[Reginald]]; that was not a dream-thing though. I've had a [[PandaHalo|past internet gal-pal]], who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child. She died [[January 2009|last Janurary]] during the wild bushfires then. Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.

I have a lot of stories I would be happy to share with you in-person in conversations in the future. It feels easier to me to talk about it in-person, in lieu to typing it up.

Which brings up a topic I'm curious about, please tell me about any past relationships you've had; ex-boyfriends, any sex, etc. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, I understand.

Cool, I will TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,

Cau,

Chris. :)}}

====Regina can't make it====
{{Email|Hey there!

Well, thank you for the offer for the halloween party, but I will definitely be flying to Praha on that day. So there is no possible way for me to make it. Can't wait to see the photos of the Ash outfit you mentioned. I think I know the character you are talking about. I am sure I will recognise it when I see it. I don't know who Captain N is. I will check Wikipedia or something. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse your gal-pals for girlfriends. I just figured you were involved with someone. If not on a full relationship yet. Just a sense I got from your YouTube videos. I saw one where you were talking to a girl named [[Kacey|Kacy]] where you said you cared about her. Sorry for the confusion. I seem to have taken these videos out of context. Is there an explanation?

It's too bad you have such poor choices for governor or whatever. Higher taxes aren't such a bad thing though are they? They help pay for important stuff. I agree they shouldn't be too high. How much more will you have to pay if he gets elected? What happens if everyone writes Snoopy on the ballot? Would he have to take office?

When you put it that way about Obama, it does sound pitiful. If that's the case, why do so many people like him? And why do you think he should have stayed in Iraq? Are you a very patriotic person? I am very proud of being Czech, especially of my language.

You certainly seem like you have your future planned out in full. I wish I knew my future as well as you do! For now, I just want to EXCEL. I want to make the best of myself in whatever I do. I have had to bust my ass while studying. Everyone goes out and parties but I don't stop till I get it right. And boy do my marks show it. I want to be the BEST. Not sure what I have to prove. Just want to be all I can be. Maybe once I do that, I can relax for a bit. My own business is my clearest goal, even though I'm not sure what the business will be about. Do you ever have ambitions like this?

I am really sorry to hear about your friend. She must have been very special to you.

Since you mentioned Snoopy, I was just curious. What are your favourite cartoons? Do you prefer Western or Eastern? What do you like about them? I personally like Russian cartoons.

I was also watching your video about [[Brutal Legend]]. I heard about that game. Is it good??? It sure looks good! Do you like metal music? Is that why you got this? I think you probably explained this in your video but there is no sound. Did YouTube screw it up?

Here's a weird question I love asking people... If you could have any superpower, what would it be? What would you do with it. The best answer I ever got was from my friend. She wanted the ability to fart in stereo LOLOLOL!!! I guess that means she would have two buttholes.

Also, what's up with American trains? European trains are way cooler. Do you use the train much?

We totally will share in person as soon as I have the time. I just want to get to know you in the meantime is all. I can be initially shy in a first meeting so it helps if I know what I can talk about.

Did you email my dad? He says he didn't get anything from you yet. Sometimes these Czech emails can be pretty screwball. If it isn't working, I'll give you his Gmail.

Nope, never had a boyfriend.

Na zdravie, šťastie a lásku,
Regina :)}}

Czech for "health, happiness and love."

====Chris answers a bunch of questions, is still a virgin====
{{EmailReply|Yes, [[Kacey]] is one of my gal-pals; nothing major at the time. She already cares for [[Liquid Chris|this other dude]]. I do care about her as a friend though. :) I am the sort of man who keeps his friends close to his heart and cares about them.

The only True-from-My-Heart-and-Mind Videos are on my own personal [[YouTube]] accounts, my current "ChristianWChandler" and my past "CChan6789". MOST others outside of my accounts will be slandered, misleading videos created by the Trolls, in lame attempts to mislable me, as well as smearing my good name and reputation.

I've attached an early picture of me in my ol' outfit (0647); ignore the wastepouch; I have not worn one in years. And I generally wore this yellow Pokemon TCG League Gym Leader shirt to Best complete the outfit (0584).

These photos are from my slideshow of life photos/pics I presented in a [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]] I created on my 25th Birthday, February 24, [[2007]], called "Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on T.V." Originally, it was priviately distributed from me to close friends and family. But last year, a troll pretended to be one of my old, close [[gal-pal]] and tricked a copy out of me; now it's all over the web, with messed-up versions of the original videos, and people making and distributing FAKE copies. DO NOT BUY any of those, as well as the unofficial Sonichu/Rosechu merchandise; there aren't any at this time, but I am working on that. After you and I become real close, I would be happy to make a copy for you, or I can share my Master Copy with you in a multiple number of "Movie Nights"; there is over 6 hours of original content.

Please do not judge me, but yeah I have yet to expierence a major relationship. But I do have a good amount of knowledge to make up a good relationship, as well as good sex. I have seen a good share of soft and hardcore porn, including some Educational videos from companies like the Sinclair Institute. But again, there is no rush. Which brings up a question, how do you feel about sex before marriage, or sex in general?

I feel that higher taxes is the better of the two evils in the governer issues, so I'll probably root for Deeds anyway. I wouldn't worry about Snoopy.

Obama stay in Iraq? You may have misunderstood a phrasing in my last e-mail; I never meant that in any way. I am proud to be an american; I am patriotic. I can go on about the history of these United States and how our forefathers, who founded it and shaped it to what it is today, worked and fought to maintain order and peace throughout this fine nation. My father could go on about that as well; he is very knowledgeable in the history. And I welcome and respect your patriotism for your country as well; you have every right as you were born and raised in it. :)

I have had ambitions for a job or business, even though it was not made clear to me on what it would be specifically; I'm still uncertain currently. What are your ideas for the business subject you'd like to pursue? My mother originally wanted to be a teacher, and she has had past expierence in substituting for the teacher in their absence from time to time. Yet she ended up taking a number of secretarial jobs in a number of companies and businesses.

I have a LOT of favorited cartoons; (anything) [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Transformers]] (any Generation), [[Excel Saga]], Samurai Pizza Cats, Smurfs, [[Gay|Care Bears]], and more. I'm not sure what you mean by Western or Eastern, unless you mean American and Japan (Anime) Animation. I like [[Anime]] a bit better, because it is mostly better drawn and rendered compared to American, plus the stories are usually better, and sometimes the original Japanese Audio, even in the TV-Y area, has some curse words. LOL :D I have also watched Canadian Animation; those were good, and British Animation ("[[Wikipedia:Danger Mouse (TV series)|
Danger Mouse]]" to name one). I don't think I've ever watched Russian Animation, but I am always open for new shows. :)

Yeah, I am uncertain [[PSEye|what happened to the audio in the original video I did for Brutal Legend]]. I like all kinds of [[Chris and music|music]], unless it's presented at a TOO Loud volume; respect the eardrums. LOL Metal is awesome, but I mostly listen to Pop, Lite Rock, Country, Jazz and Classic.

I would have to say Super Speed; [[Sonichu's Edge|I wouldn't easily tire out after running at such velocity]], I'd get a lot more exercise, and I wouldn't require a car if I can get there in a Snap on foot. :D

I have never ridden on a train, I'm sorry.

You can talk about most anything to me, no worries. And if you cross a line, I will let you know; I would respect your wishes if I cross a line in discussion, you'd only need to tell me.

I've just e-mailed Walter, asking for the information. I am certain he got the message, because I would have gotten a "Returned Message" e-mail if the address was faulty.

I'm sorry you can't make the Halloween Party, but it's cool; I'll be okay. :) I am looking forward to your house-warming party; please let me know if I can do or bring anything to help make it better. Please be sure to let me know the details when you are fully certain of them; when and where.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Cau,
Chris.}}
====Regina is asexual, asks about loads of random stuff====
{{Email|Yo yo yo wass happenin'

That is too bad that Kacey cares for another dude, it wasn't some sort of tragic love triangle was it? I feel really sorry for you if it was. It is good that you can look past it and see her as a friend still.

It would be cool to see your DVD. I didn't know you were a filmmaker too! What kind of films do you make? What is your DVD about? It sounds interesting. I love director's cuts. Do you have a big screen? I hate watching movies on small TVs. I am sorry to hear that people are pirating it. It really sucks when people [[Sonichu|steal other people's intellectual property]] like that.

[[Chris and religion|Sex before marriage is of no concern to me.]] People can do whatever they want in the privacy of their homes. Sex in general seems like a waste of time in my opinion. But like I said, they can do what they want. I have never watched a porno.

Speaking of other countries and patriotism, how much do you know about the Czech republic? I am always curious what people know about my country, or Europe. Have you been to Europe? Is there any place you would like to visit in Europe? We have so many nice things to see. Or maybe you would prefer a different continent? Speaking of Czech, I totally tried to bring back some Slivovica for your dad. But they took it at customs. I will try to bring another. If it doesn't work this time I will get my brother to bring some when he comes to visit me in November.

As far as the business model I would like to pursue, I want to maybe open a restaurant that features all kinds of Slavic and foods from my part of the world, OR something related to fashion. I think the fashion industry is boring, I would like to introduce something new but I have no really good ideas just yet. Have you thought about any general areas? I know you said you weren't sure, but I mean generally.

What kind of Canadian cartoons have you watched? Or British ones other than Danger Mouse?

Glad to hear you like metal. I like quite a bit of it. Among other stuff. Mostly indie.

Hey do you play any sports? I love sports. I have just been getting into American Football. It seems pretty complicated. I haven't decided if I like it or not yet. It seems interesting anyway. I heard a lot of American men have played football in high school, did you by any chance?

Here's a question I keep hearing a lot in America: If you could have a dinner party and invite 3 people... anyone you want... living or dead... who would it be? Myself, I picked Vaclav Havel, Robo Kazik, Ernest Hemingway and Golda Meir. I know that's 4... yes I cheated. And you?

Do you own a gun? It seems like a lot of people here do. I'm not judging on it or anything, I'm just curious. A lot of people seem to have them. Would you ever buy one? I never thought about it myself, but one of my friends suggest I come out with her to the shooting range.

Oh, and my brother was a bit curious about your artistic process, what goes through the head of an artist when he is thinking of what to draw?

My dad got your email by the way, he let me know today that he received it. He says he is going to have his assistant look it over the start of the business day. He was really excited about the prospect of hiring an American at his company.

Glad you are looking forward to the house-warming party. It is going to RULE!!!!! I can't wait. As for what to bring... I dunno, what do Americans usually bring to parties? We do need to get some alcohol. Would you mind picking it up? It's just that most of us are under 21. If you are worried about it say no. I love America but it has some pretty dumb laws.

Anyway, back to the books... again :(

Have fun talking to my dad or his assistant :)

Mám rád zozadu,
Regina}}
====Chris wants sex, played football with girls====
{{EmailReply|I wouldn't really call myself a filmmaker, but I have created some documentry-like films that are on the DVD and saved as video files on my [[PS3]], along with the newer videos I created since then. In a nutshell, the DVD is essentially the videos I put together, the two TV News Segments I was portrayed in, and slideshows of still photos and pics with good tunes and a pretend Radio Show I created onto Audio Cassette over a decade ago. It's more or less sort of a "Best Of" type of thing. I have a Sony HD TV, about 40 or 46" wide.

In my humble opinion, I am okay with sex before marriage too. I do not feel that it is a waste of time; I feel the intercourse between loving couples who deeply care about each other is truly special, and is essentially a truly magical connection between them. Although as for those who may not feel like that during intercourse, they still get sensations that just feel totally awesome between each other.

I have not been to Europe, and I can learn more about the Czech Republic from your point of view in addition to what you've previously shared with me. :) I do not currently have a favorite location in Europe, but if I had the chance, I would enjoy visiting the other countries. Although, I would like to visit England and Japan; England being the origin of [[Barb|my mother]]'s half of the family, and I'd like to sample more of the video games only available in Japan, and see their technology that the US doesn't have yet. IDK about [[Bob|my father]] being able to take in any [[alcohol]] at his age, but I know he would appreciate the gesture, and I can get a chance to sample the slivovich for myself with you. :)

You have made some good choices in your possible carrer pursuit. :) Perhaps you and I can put our minds together and make either one happen for you. As for me, something in [[Art]]istry or Comic Publications is one idea of mine, or maybe use my [[CADD]] degree and go into designing or something.

One Canadian cartoon I can recall the name of right-off is [[Wikipedia:Bob and Margaret|Bob and Margaret]], and there was this one of two short cartoons that featured this blue dog who gets adopted into a family who is danger prone with lots of accidents; the dog protects his family and the baby.

I like [[Bionic|Basketball]], Volleyball and Baseball, and I have ice skated at the rink at the Downtown Mall. I've played football for a short while at High School, but I was not all that into it. And during that time in the P.E. class, I was placed on special request on the girl's team, which was better; I did not care to be tackled or rough-housed like they did on the boy's team. Football is okay; I'm just not all that into it.

I would invite [[Britney Spears]], [[Wikipedia:Pamela Anderson|Pamela Anderson]] and [[Wikipedia:Amy Jo Johnson|Amy Jo Johnson]] (the original Pink Ranger on the "Mighty Morphin' [[Power Rangers]]"). For my fourth, though, I would invite [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

I do not currently own a real gun, but I have had target practice in video games like "Duck Hunt" (NES) and on a few Wii games too; I'm fairly good. I may consider buying a gun, but not right now.

My artistic process... I think of story pieces, I note them, and when I draw them up, I add more to them; beginning and end (or middle and either if the piece is beginning or end). There are more details, but I'm not sure how to phrase them at this time. But mostly, it just comes to me. :)

I would be happy to bring some beer or wine to the party; just let me know which brand of beer (or white wine) strikes y'all's fancy good.

I gtg for now; [[ShowerClean|I need a shower. ]]I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina confirms asexuality====
{{Email|Ok, sorry I guess I misunderstood what you meant by making a DVD. So this is like a series of short films and a collection of other stuff.

So you were on the news? How did you manage that? What were you on the news for?

Oh wow, you have a big TV. It must be pretty good for video games. I
have never had a TV that big.

Ok, maybe some people are into the whole [[sex]] thing. But personally I
have no interest. I think bothering with something like that would
distract me from other more important social relationships. More
importantly it would probably distract me from improving myself. That
energy could be put to good use for a lot of other things. And I
doubt it would really change much. If you care for a person then sex
shouldn't be so important. Just an option. A lot of people seem to
think that having sex will change things. I would bet a lot of money
that it doesn't.

That is too bad that your dad can't drink any Slivovica. I guess I
can still try to smuggle some in and you can try it. It is best to
try the original Czech stuff. They say Slivovica is good for your
health and helps you live longer. Europe really is the best place to
go. A lot of Americans came to Prague looking for adventure and they
always found it. I know a bunch of them who actually settled down in
the Czech republic and got married or started new careers.

Thanks for the input on my possible career choices. What have you
been doing in the way of starting your business related to artistry or
design? Oh, speaking of which, have you talked much to my dad? He
loves America but I hope he is not being a weirdo about it. Or maybe
you spoke to his assistant.

So what reasons do you have for inviting Britney Spears, Pamela
Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson to your dinner party? What is your
motivation for having them there? What kind of questions would you
ask them? Why only media personalities? I'm very intrigued and
curious.

So you might buy a [[gun in the future? What kind of gun do you think
you would buy? Would you be getting it for protection or sport? What
exactly do you think about gun control? Personally I don't care
either way. I have never owned one but my father is an avid hunter.
He was a sharpshooter when he did his military service.

I really don't know what kind of wine is good. Do you have any
recommendations? The girls need wine. I think most of the guys who
are coming will be bringing their own beer. I am responsible for
getting the girls drunk so I need someone to bring the white wine.

Very interesting info about your art process. Do you have a full
story arc planned and fill in little pieces or do you make them up as
you go along? What inspires you to draw these particular elements?
What kinds of symbols are you using in your art? I'm curious to see
what elements are symbolic of certain things I may not be catching. I
am not good at picking up on symbols when reading. Here's one thing I
was wondering, do your characters all have first, middle and last
names? Like is [[Sonichu]] just Sonichu or is he Mr. XXXXX XXXXX Sonichu. Or maybe Sonichu is his first name?

By the way I saw your video on Kacey. Everything you said was pretty
sweet but if you want to win her back you might want to just jump in
and tell her to come back to you. Girls love guys who can be strong
and tell them what they want. I bet if you are way more assertive
then she will see and admire that. It will probably make this other
guy shit his pants with fear too. I hope I am not out of place saying
that, I just thought I would offer my womanly opinion. I hope it was
of some help.

Hope everything else is great. :)

Peace and love as you say... or mier a láska as we would say in my
language. Oh, and here's one thing I want to teach you too. You
should start conversations with na zdar. It is a really cheerful
Czech greeting. It means "I wish you well" and it sounds really cool.

Ty kokot,
Regina}}

====Chris weasels out of a job that is handed to him without reservation====

{{EmailReply|I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff and other things. I have recently found peace of mind with [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|the arrival of my Copyright Registeration Certificate from the VA Library of Congress for Sonichu]]. I am in work on making a presentation video and getting in touch with companies to make the merchandise and copies of my books and DVD.

Also, I apologize for not getting back to your father on the website job; I have thought a lot about it after reading the details his secretary e-mailed to me. I feel that is beyond my html skills, I apologize for that. But he can go onto websites like monster.com and find resumes for people who have exceptional html skills and such.

Please foward that paragraph and my humble apologies and regards to him for me; I have misplaced his address.

I have more e-mails to check, so I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tried to get it through his damn dirty skull====

{{Email|Hey Christian,

I think you may have misread the description. The HTML skills are
just something basic, to make sure that people are familiar with the
medium. They need someone to write articles. Specifically articles
about gaming and technology. They just increased the salary too
because they can't find anyone to do it. It's at the point where they
need someone pretty badly, if you have some specific time requirements
or whatever you can let them know, but they will be flexible with it.
Along the lines of 10 articles a month shouldn't be too difficult.
You really should talk to Marketa and my dad again *redacted*

Anyway, how is everything else? Good to hear about your copyright.
How did things work out with Kacee?

Later,
Regina.}}

====Chris mad====
{{EmailReply|Gaming and technology articles? I thought your father was working in Ceramics.

Kacey went and married the brown-striped impostor who pretended to be me; his YouTube name is [[CChanSonichuCWC]].}}

====Further attempts from Regina to offer a dream job====
{{Email|Wow, that really, really sucks. Some people have pretty bad judgment. Did she explain why? Don't be too upset, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes, my dad does make ceramics. But this is a NEW company. He is
trying to branch out into different areas to do with media and
technology because he is afraid that industrial products could one day
be all the domain of countries with poorer workforces. He wants to be
secure in the future and thinks getting into the tech industry is the
way to go. But they need someone who knows gaming and modern
technology AND is well spoken to kick off this first project. I guess
his assistant didn't explain it all too well.}}

Chris of course, ignored her. Proving that he couldn't care less about getting off the [[tugboat]].

====Regina resumes contact...====
{{Email|Anye new and fascinating news?

I bought a PSP. It is great for those stopovers on my flights to the
Czech Republic.}}

====And opens the floodgates of boring conversation====
{{EmailReply|That's neat; which model is it, because if it is a 2000, 3000 or [[PSP]] Go, you and I can talk to each other over Skype between our PSPs; ORIGINAL 1000 models are not [[Wikipedia:Skype|Skype]]-Capable.

Also, I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff; I've just drew 4 pages and answered a bunch of fanmail on the [[Cwcipedia]]. But I am safe and well, thank you. :)

What do you say to setting up a dinner-date between you and me one day next week? This time, I'll come and pick you up, and I'll bring you back home on time safe.

I'll TTYL, XOXOXO,
Christian.}}

====Regina dodges the would-be gropefest...====
{{Email|It is the PSP 3000 slim and bright or whatever it is called. I need to find some good games for it.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy. Me too. My studies are driving me
overboard. I think I will go nuts. I have had to reach out and help
my dad too since his new enterprise is going nowhere.

I really don't think a dinner date is a good idea given my total work
overload. Sorry to say it's email for now!

What else is new?}}

====And gets even more bored with answers to questions nobody asked====
{{EmailReply|One good place to look for a start is in the Playstation Store on the [[Playstation Network]]. This can be done on your [[PC]] or even on your [[PSP]]. If you haven't done so yet, you can create an account for yourself on your PSP, and download the most current version of MediaGo onto your PC from http://store.playstation.com. You can browse the store for downloadable games, demos and videos. Some content requires a one-time purchase; you may use your debit/credit card, or you may go to the local [[Best Buy]], Sam's Club or GameStop and buy some PSN Cards with increments of 10, 20 or 50 dollars. Should you decide to use a debit/credit card directly, be warned that there will be an additional dollar put on hold for a while to verify the card. Funds can be added under "Account Management" on your PSP, or on MediaGo, under "Transaction Management" then "Transfer Funds" There, you can add increments of 5, 10, 20, 50 or even the maximum limit of the grand total in the PSN wallet of 150. And if you don't have enough in the virtual wallet, you will be prompted to add the difference from your card at checkout. There are games Exclusively for Download Only from the Playstation Store, so feel free to read all the details for each title. They even have PSOne classics playable on both Playstation 3 and PSP.

I also highly reccomend investing in a 16 GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, which is available at Best Buy or Wal-Mart, which at average is currently priced at around $100.

And, of course, GameStop is a drive-to destination for reccomended PSP UMD titles, which works for you since you have a PSP with a UMD drive (versus the PSP Go which does not have a UMD drive).

I have been a loyal PSN account holder and customer since I bought my PS3 back in March, [[2007]].

But I digress. I am safe and well, thank you. :) I am still hanging with my family and working on [[Sonichu]]. BTW, I am currently looking for people to video-interview (to be uploaded onto my YouTube) for their views on Sonichu and expanding business-wise with merchandise and such. If you have some friends who know Sonichu from my Cwcipedia, please ask them for me if they will volunteer their time. I would appreciate it very much. And your opinions count too, and if you are willing to volunteer yourself, I would appreciate that too.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tries to be helpful====
{{Email|Hey!

That's pretty interesting. I talked to a few friends and contacts who
knew about Sonichu (I never realised how widespread it was, I thought
it was a bit more underground) and I have come up with about 10 (maybe
more) people who are all very keen on being interviewed. How many
people are you willing to accept? How much knowledge of Sonichu do
they have to have and do they need a webcam or is audio enough? Will
you be doing these interviews over Skype? I don't think I will have
time for an interview myself but what should I tell all these
interested parties?

ČAU!!!!
Regina}}

====Chris promptly tries to get others to do the work for him====
{{EmailReply|Please reply right after you read this. I would prefer in-person interviews with each one with me and my digital camera. Perhaps we can setup the on-the-street interviews for Wednesday or Thursday; I have a deadline of Friday for the full video. I would like to meet at the Downtown Mall by the old fountain (next to the Paramount Theatere) at about 3:00 PM, but please let me know which day is more agreeable between all the volunteers. Thank you soo much, Regina.

If you can find some free time, I'll gladly accept a video MP4 file of you sharing your opinions and thoughts on Sonichu expanding into the merchandise and all. You can film it, upload the file onto a Upload Site Server, send me the link to the video, and I'll download it to be added into the final video.

I'll TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}
====Chris is afraid of a little rain====
{{EmailReply|Just to let you know, the filming will have to be on Thursday since it is raining today. As an alternative, your friends may film their opinions and views on Sonichu in Merchandise, upload their files onto an upload server site and send me the links (preferably all links through you to me, so all of the links can be in one message).

Thank you again for your help.
Stay Safe, Cau,
Christian.}}

====???====
{{Email|Ok, I think most, if not all, will have to use the alternative. I just got this message and the other one. Most of the people who want to be filmed don't live in your area, so coming to the mall is out of the question for them. SO you want them to just give their opinions or should I refer them to you to be interviewed via some online method?}}

====Chris still doesn't really give a shit if people aren't doing something for him====
{{EmailReply|I see, please let me know how many of them do live in the area. And please let those in other states know to make the videos of their opinions. I apologize for the inconvience, but their input will be most valued.

To change the subject a bit, are you planning on flying back to your family during the Holiday break? For me, it'll be another stay-at-home with my family thing for me; simple and good.

TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}

====Some helpful advice that promptly gets ignored====
{{Email|Hey!

If I could make a bit of a recommendation, companies being pitched a
new product like to be shown the potential for expansion outside the
original fanbase. You should make a large survey of people who are
not familiar with Sonichu so that you can demonstrate how it can be
put into new households. They know that your current fans will buy it
but they need to be shown that it can pick up new buyers. Basic rule
of industry is that if you can't expand, then you should abandon the
project for something that will, otherwise it won't make money.

You should start polling strangers about Sonichu and offer them
something for their time, like a cookie or whatever.

See you later!
Regina}}
End of contact.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:E-mails]]
{{emails}}

Regina e-mails

2011-06-14T00:09:11Z

Mrpickles:

[[File:Recession.jpg|right|thumb|In the Regina e-mails, Chris comments on the economic recession.]]

'''Regina Novakova''' was a [[Molvania|Czech]] student studying abroad at [[UVA]]. She had her father's help to purchase [[Chris]]'s ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s [[online]] over [[eBay]] and the two soon began communication regarding the transaction.

Unfortunately for Regina, Chris took this opportunity to start his perverted advances over someone who never expressed an interest in him to begin with. The tone eventually shifted and Chris became his usual lazy self and then discontinued all contact.

These emails take place from 25 [[September 2009|September]] to early [[October 2009]], right around the time [[Barbara|Snorlax]] was [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_9th,_2009|battling AIDS]], and also in the midst of the whole [[Gregg Mays]] thing.

==Correspondence==
====First contact====
{{EmailReply|My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I was just in touch with your father, [[Wikipedia:Rorschach (comics)|Walter Kovacs]], and he has informed me that I will be exchanging the business of him buying the two Guitars from me on eBay with you. The total amount due is 110.99, cash only if picking up in person, please. He was unsure of your phone number, if you have one, but if you have one, you may call me back at 434-760-0848.

What is your name, if I may ask? And he says you are going to a university here in Virginia; are you going to [[University of Virginia|UVA]] in [[Charlottesville]]?

I await your call or reply.

Have a nice day.
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

====Addendum to first contact====
{{EmailReply|Upon personal pick-up, the total without shipping is 91.99}}
====Regina appears====
{{Email|Hey!!!!

You caught me at the perfect time!! I was just checking my emails before going out!

Yeah, he doesn't know my phone number cause I don't have one yet :( I just moved here from [[Molvania|the Czech republic]] as a foreign student and I haven't got a cell phone yet. We've been communicating by Skype. It's a nightmare!!!! I want to get a contract but I have to get all this extra visa stuff sorted out!

I am totally going to UVA! BA in philosophy! It looks hard but I am up to the challenge.

My name is Regina by the way. I see from your email that your name is Christian! That's totally cool cause my brother's name is Christian. But in Czech we spell it Kristian.

So I'll get my dad to wire me the money. I am pretty busy sorting out official stuff and meeting new people. Is it possible we can set up a meet in a week or so? Is that too late? I really hope not! Thanks by the way!!!!

If I can get this cell nightmare worked out I will send you the number ASAP!!

Have a great day!!!!!
Regina}}
====Chris the philosopher====
[[Image:ECP_00015.jpg|thumb|Chris attached this image. It may as well have served as a warning.]]
{{EmailReply|It is nice to make your acquaintance, Regina. A meeting in a week is good. It is so cool you are going to UVA, because it is only about half to a full hour from my house in [[Ruckersville]], North of UVA up [[Wikipedia:Interstate 29|29]].

I have talked on Skype before, it can be a pain sometimes with [[Autism|miscommunications]] and the fees to call a phone number sometimes. At least it is one way to be in talking touch.

I went to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], where I got an Associates Degree and a Certificate in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] in [[2006]]. I would use the computer program to design 3D rendered models of mechanical parts and buildings. I even finished my final CADD class with a bang designing a [[CWCville Mall|Whole Shopping Mall]], Two Stories and a [[Mayor's Office]] on the second floor looking over the front entrance. It is huge. :)

I sometimes have [[CWCFlyingElephants|philosophical thoughts]], although I'm not all that knowledgeable in philosophy, perhaps you can inform me about it, even as your own review for your tests/exams.

I look forward to talking with you more and [[Sex|meeting you]]. Please tell me more about yourself in your next message, and I will tell you more as well. Also, I've attached a current photo of myself to this e-mail.

TTYL. :)
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====About Regina====
{{Email|About me? Well, I like [[Sonichu's Edge|running]], [[video games]] and [[music]]. But I really don't have much time for them. I spent a lot of time working in my father's company in the past. He used to get me to help him with [[English]]. He is learning but he still isn't very good yet, as you might have noticed. But now I have come to America to study! I'm from [[Wikipedia:Liberec|Liberec]] in the Czech Republic, but me and my family moved to Prague when my father started his company. Have you ever been to Prague? It's amazing!

I know a lot about philosophy! I love it!!! I have studied it forever. I can't wait to learn more by going to university!

I never heard of CADD before, I had to look it up lol. Do you work as a designer or something?

Till later.
Na shledanou (That's Czech)
Regina.}}
''Na shledanou'' means "Good bye."
====Still selling?====
{{Email|Hey did you get my last email?

Haven't heard from you in a bit. Are you still going to sell me your guitar hero controllers? I was thinking of collecting them Monday the 5th, cause I have lots of free time then.

Let me know.

Yours,
Regina.}}
====Tiny hints of creepiness====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying to you; I hadn't checked my e-mail over the weekend. The last e-mail I got from you was the one I last replied to. Did you get the picture I sent you? You may need to resend the last e-mail you said you sent.

Anyway, yes I still plan to sell you the guitars; Monday the 5th is good. We can meet up at the Barracks Road [[McDonalds]] at about 2 or 3 PM, and after the business, you and I can [[Rape|hang out for a while]].

Tell me, do you live in one of the dormatries around the UVA, or do you have your own place? And I still would like to hear more about you.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Slightly larger hints of creepiness====
{{EmailReply|Wow. :)

You learned [[Chris and English|english]] before your father, and you help him learn it, that is cool. What does he manufacture or do in his company? And how about your mother, does she still live with him? I have not been to Prague, but I'll look it up, and you can tell me more about it from your Point of View.

I am an avid designer, yes, yet [[Monthly tugboat|it's kinda hard to get such a job]] around Charlottesville at the time. I am also an [[Chris and art|artist]]; I will be delighted to share with you my [[Sonichu (comic)|original drawings]] and other artworks.

Gmail is okay; I was [[Jack Thaddeus E-Mails|in contact before]] with [[Jack Thaddeus|someone]] who had one; one or two pieces of e-mail get misplaced a bit, but we sorted out the miscommunications.

As for the McDonalds I was referring to, there is only one Barnes & Nobel Bookstore in Charlottesville; find it, and that McDonalds is nearby.

I'm currently living with my [[Barbara|mother]] and [[Bob|father]], but I too am looking forward to getting a place of my own, or sharin' a pad with my girlfriend (if I had one; I'm [[Virgin with rage|single]]). If things work out for you, I would be happy to be your roommate and help out.

A bit more info about myself, I'm 5'10", about [[Obesity|average body type]], [[Hetereochromia|my left eye is blue/right eye is green]] ([[Honest content|I had pink eye in my right during High School]], and my perscribed eyedrops changed its pigment), my hair is brown, my favorite color is blue/favorite shade is Crayola's "Battery-Charged Blue", I enjoyed reading [[R.L. Stine|R.L. Stein's]] "Goosebumps" and "Fear Street" books during my teenage years, my favorite movie of all time is "[[Mary Poppins]]", and my favorite food is [[SpaghettiRoutine|Macaroni & Cheese]].

I gtg, but I look forward to your next message and replying to it. :)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Chris.}}

====More about Regina====
{{Email|Yeah, my dad grew up under [[CWCville|the Communist system]]. So he had to learn Russian because they didn't teach English back then. He does really well though. His company makes clay and ceramic tiles by the way. Among other things.

Prague is one of the greatest cities in the world! We call it the Paris of the East. I attached a picture I took from my graduation trip. For a party we took a boat trip on the [[Wikipedia:Vltava|Vltava]] and I took this picture of the castle. It was such an awesome day. There are so many things to see and do. It is quite possibly the best place in Europe. But it feels good to get away for a while.

That's too bad about the jobs. I guess this financial crisis makes it hard to find work. It must be hard to make ends meet. I guess not a lot of people are building things so it must be hard to work as a designer. Do you do like freelance stuff? Cause I guess that would be REALLY hard to find work.

I guess I can look that McDonalds up on google maps or something. I'll find it. I just don't know cause I never eat there. Barnes and Noble is a book store right?

You're looking for a place too? I'm trying to find a 2 bedroom apartment around UVA for around 800$. I'm not sure how realistic that is yet. Most of the people I know are staying with family to keep things cheap. I'm kinda lucky cause my dad can help out and I saved up a lot. I'm trying to convince some of my friends so if they turn me down, I'll let you know. Are you a [[Chris' room|tidy]] guy? Do you [[Tobacky|smoke]]? Do you like [[Chris's Big Night Out|parties]]? I like to have the occasional party.

I guess I can tell you a bit more about me. I'm blond with brown eyes. I'm pretty short. Only 161 centimetres. I'm sorry cause I'm really not used to these American measurements yet so I don't know what that is in inches...

I have to admit, I have never heard of any of those books. I read a lot of [[CWCville|Kafka]]. I didn't like him at first but I gradually grew to like him. He's Czech so we had to read a lot of his books in school. I've never heard of Mary Poppins. I don't really watch American movies. I like them but most of the films I watch are European. I've heard many things about macaroni and cheese. But I'm kind of hesitant to try it. American cheese scares me. I have a CRAZY love for PEANUT BUTTER though.

What's pinkeye?

Na shledanou!
Regina.}}
====Chris rambles about himself====
{{EmailReply|To answer your questions, I consider myself a [[Chris and health|tidy person]], I have never [[Tobacky|smoked]], and I like parties ([[Alcohol|I'm a social drinker]]). Yet I'm willing to stay dry to be a desiginated driver.

I do a bit of freelance artwork, I was hoping to save this until when we met in person, but I am the [[Chris and copyright|original creator]] of the Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokemon|Pok'emon]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and their city of [[Cwcville]], VA. I have been internet famous for a few years, so I have [[Trolls|fans]] and [[Clyde Cash|internet bullies]]. The main Official Websites for Sonichu and Rosechu are [[CWCipedia]], Cwcipedia/CWC's Sonichu Site, and my Current [[YouTube]] account, "ChristianWChandler". Other similar websites that may be similar or calim to be "Official" are NOT. I am planning on getting paper-published soon, and there is no Official Merchandise available yet. I have all the original page drawings and my other original artworks here at my house.

And the Pinkeye, as stated on the "Pinkeye" article on [[Wikipedia]], "[[Wikipedia:Conjunctivitis|Conjunctivitis]] (commonly called "pink eye" or "Madras eye") is an inflammation of the conjunctiva (the outermost layer of the eye and the inner surface of the eyelids), most commonly due to an allergic reaction or an infection (usually viral, but sometimes bacterial)."

Getting back to your last e-mail, clay and ceramic tiles, that is cool. I have a cousin who used to sell ceramic pieces and statues, but he gave that up to become the Sheriff of his hometown. My father is a retired Engineer from General Electric (GE); he also was the Designer of the controls of the Plastic-Molding Machines, so without him, you would not have the plastic on your PC's keyboard, or the plastic on the [[Obesity|2-Liter soda bottles]].

I enjoyed the picture of the Vitava castle you sent me, thank you. :) I'm happy you were able to enjoy it.

<nowiki>Also, I just checked the math; at the rate of 2.5 cm = 1 inch, and 12 inches = 1 foot, 161 cm = 64.4 inches, whichs makes you about 5 feet, 4.4 inches. You're only just under 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than me.</nowiki>

Oh, and Barnes and Nobel IS a bookstore. Let me give you a directional piece, if you know where the interception of Ivy and Emmet is; down the road by UVA's "The Corner", passing by the road leading to the Alderman Library, ending by the Soccer Field and Tennis Courts. You go North on Emmet, and continue down until you see a Taco Bell on the left side, the McDonalds, Barnes & Nobel and the Barracks Road Shopping Center those are in are just beyond the [[Chloe|Taco Bell]]. You also pass the [[Greene County Conspiracy|John Paul Jones Arena]] on the way.

I may be able to help you on your apartment search. there is a website, http://www.craigslist.com, you go there, look up Virginia, then Charlottesville, then Apartments, they have listings from people who want to rent or sell apartments and other things.

You can look up Goosebumps and Fear Street at the libraries around town, under the "Young Adults" section, if you're looking for something new to read. I have read Franz Kafka a bit in High School; we read
"[[Wikipedia:The Metamorphosis|Metamorphasis]]". I enjoyed the comparisons between the busy salesman life he had, and what it would feel like to be a bug; so miniscule in life, with a lot of people stepping on you here and there.

Mostly, Macaroni and Cheese is made with Chedder, or sometimes it can be made with Swiss. And I enjoy the occasional peanut butter sandwich, it is a [[Chris_and_health#Nutrition|healthy choice]]. :)

Do you have a headshot photo of yourself you can share with me, please? I shared my headshot with you, and I would feel better if I can get a preview of your face. Also, I am 27 years old, how about you? And are you a bit of a drinker too?

I'm only curious. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL, Chris.}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that====
{{Email|Ok, that's cool that you are tidy. If my friends don't pull through, I'll keep you in mind.

Ok, so I'm a bit confused. Pokemons are those Japanese card game things right? So you designed some characters for these [[cards]] or video games? That's pretty cool. Does [[sonichu]] or [[rosechu]] mean something in Japanese? This isn't my computer. It belongs to my aunt (she's the family member I'm living with) and she needs it for work a lot. So I will have to check out your portfolio site or whatever later.

Pinkeye sounds really [[Honest Content|gross]].

Ok, thanks for the directions. I will see if I can get my friend to swing by with her car on Monday and we'll go pick them up. I don't think it will be a problem.

Thanks for the advice about Craigslist. I had already been checking it. I'm looking at a few possibilities.

Thanks for the book recommendations too, but I don't think I'll have time to check those out. I'll probably be too busy reading philosophy books for university. So you read Kafka? Only The Metamorphosis? My favourite from him is [[Wikipedia:The Trial|The Trial]]. Have you read it?

I tried one of these easy to make macaroni and cheese boxes last night. It was pretty horrible. I had to first get over the fact that the cheese was a powder, then I tried to eat it. I really didn't like it. My aunt eats it though. I just can't seem to get used to American cheese. Especially powdered. You don't make it like in Europe.

A headshot? Like for actors? I don't have any professional photos like that, but I can attach a normal one. I guess it makes sense cause you will have to recognise me. Here's a picture of me and my brother. This is from the last time we went camping.

I'm 20 years old. Which means I can't [{Alcohol|drink]] here. I like to have social drinks. In the Czech republic you can drink at 18. So It's really annoying. So sometimes I just drink with my friends at home when we can find someone who is old enough to get us a bottle of wine.

Talk soon I hope.

Na shledanou,
Regina.}}
====Random access humor demonstration====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your picture. You are soo cute and pretty. :)

FYI, Pokemon started as a video game on [[Nintendo]] Game Boy, then it became an anime, followed by the Trading Card Game. Sonichu and Rosechu are not japanese names, although the inspiration for "Sonichu" came from Sonic the Hedgehog's japanese name, "Soniku".

I will look up and read "The Trial", thank you for recommending it to me.

They have Macaroni and Cheese premade in the frozen food aisle of the grocery stores, I personally recommend the Marie Calandar brand; it is good, and it's inexpensive.

Maybe after you and I meet, I can come by your place and bring a spot of wine or something for you. ;)

I talked to my father about you a bit, and my father went on with his stories of Czechoslovakia; he's been a bit around the world, and he studies his atlases and maps. He informed me about what had happened there during the WWII and such. Clearify it for me and him, is the country split up like Czech and Slovak Republics, or is it still combined to Czechoslovakia?

Also, my father had some friends back in the late 1970s who were from Czechoslovakia; they had left there for America illegally, so they could never go back. Anyway, my dad and mom enjoyed conversing with them, and they all would also share the [[Wikipedia:Slivovitz|Slivovitch]] (Plum Brandy) they would bring over. He really enjoyed it, it came in this perfume bottle-shaped bottle with plums on the label. Locally, the closest place to find the Slivovitch, as far as my dad knows, is just north in Maryland.

You would likely have an enjoyable conversation of Czechoslovakia, or the Czech Republic, with him. I'm not all that knowledgeable in geography personally, but I can learn.

Another little something else about me, I can be funny; sometimes I'll [[Random Access Humor|think of something silly, witty or random]] that makes me and my family smile and/or laugh about. Like for example, I used to go on about people with [[HippoOnYourHead|Hippopotami on their heads]]. :D Or this man from Nantucket who had on his head a bucket. :D Even a Lawer named Tom Sawer who had a daughter named Sue. :D And recently a silly song line of [[RandomSong1|a cow named Moo]], "Hey there, Moo, wha'cha gonna do? Are you gonna give me some milk today? Moo. Moo." :D

And sometimes, I like to take words, spell them backwards and say them like that. My name, "Christian Weston Chandler" would be "[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]". Or your name, "Regina Kovacs" would be "Scavok [[Niggos|Aniger]]". And sometimes, I take numbers and replace letters in words with them. 1 can be I, L or J. 2 can be Q, R, S, Z. 3 can be B, E, M, N or W. And so on for the other single digits; all it takes is a spot of imagination. I can spell my first name as [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|CH2127143]] from CHRISTIAN.

I'll stop for now, and I understand if you're feeling [[Slow-in-the-minds|confused]] from the wordplay. But I can be quite creative and clever.

So our meeting is set then, Monday the 5th, 2:00 PM, at the Barracks Road McDonalds. We can get the guitar business done, then sit, talk and I'll be happy to treat you for lunch. I look forward to seeing you, and I feel this can be a good friendship. ;)

Stay Safe, and I'll TTYL,
Love and Peace,
Chris.

P.S.

BTW, "Na shledanou", is that Czech for "Love" or "Sincerely"?}}

====Regina tries to make sense of all that bullshit====
{{Email|Hey thanks for the compliment! I think I am a little too thin though. It's not a very good pic though. I didn't bring my computer with me cause I need to buy a new one, so I saved most of my stuff on CDs before I came. That's the only one I could find of me. Somewhere around here I have pics from my graduation which are really cool but I don't know where.

So is this Soniku thing pretty [[Chris and money|profitable]]? I always wondered if people who design stuff for video games make a lot of money and if it is hard work or a lot of fun. Designing video games sounds like something that would be fun, but I have zero artistic talent and I don't think I could ever master all this digital design stuff. I just like playing them.

To be honest, I think I will steer clear of macaroni and cheese for the time being. [[America]]n cheese in general isn't really appealing to me. It's all processed and everything. It doesn't seem like it would be all that good for you. But I don't really know. I'm just not a fan.

Wine is pretty good. I like white. Do you know any American brands that are really good wine? I have tried a couple from California but I want to get a good sampling. You don't need to buy me any, I think you could get in trouble or something right? My country is better known for beer, though I am not the biggest fan of it.

I don't understand if you said your dad has been to the Czech republic or he knows a lot about it. I can certainly clarify it for both of you! In [[1989]], communism ended in what we call the sametová revoluce, think in English it's called the soft revolution or the [[Wikipedia:Velvet Revolution|velvet revolution]] or something like that. Then, a couple of years later, there was a referendum and we decided to split up. On January 1st [[1993]], we became two countries again.

Your dad has tried slivovica! And he enjoyed it! That's great! We make many of these drinks from other fruit too. We call them pálenka. I like slivovica too. Have you tried it?

I am not so sure that I understand this humour. Why did the people have hippos on their heads? And does the cow belong to this lawyer? I think you will have to explain these a bit more to me. One thing I have a lot of trouble with is American jokes. Czech humour is very different. Don't worry though, I don't think you would understand many Czech jokes. I have tried telling some to my friends and no one ever laughs.

My name isn't actually Regina Kovacs, it's Regina Novakova. Walter isn't my real father. He married my mum when I was very small. My father died in an accident before I was born but I kept his name. Walter is the only dad I've ever known though. I guess that isn't as interesting if you spell it backwards.

I would be happy to have lunch with you. I don't really like McDonalds though. I find their food to be really bad. One of my friends and her boyfriend may be driving me though. Can she come too? That's not certain yet. I may borrow my aunt's car if she doesn't need it.

Actually "na shledanou" just means "goodbye". I guess that's kind of formal. If you want to be friendlier, you can just say "čau" or "pápá". Love in Czech is "láska" and "I love you" is "miluji tě". I guess if you are looking for an equal to a closing in a letter you would say something like "upřímně váš" but that's kind of formal too.

Ok, sorry, no more language lessons.

Čau! :)
Regina}}
====Chris rambles like a motherfucker====
{{EmailReply|I got your last e-mail on [[October 2009|October]] 1. :) BTW, that was my mother's birthday too; she's 68 now. I've been busy lately, and I apologize for not replying sooner. I would have replied yesterday, but [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2009|my mom came down ill]] (thought to be food poisioning at first but it's confirmed to be [[Barbara_Chandler#Recent_health_problems|colitis]]; a colon infection); had to be rushed to the Martha Jefferson Hospital. She is still recovering, and she is feeling better now.

Now, in response to your last e-mail, firstly, I think your figure looks great; I would not change it. ;) And more pics of you would be good, I look forward to seeing your Graduation Pics.

Sonichu can be profitable, but the plan is to get paper published with a comic book company like Archie or Marvel (or self-publish if they refuse me), then my comics can be mass-printed, sold, and merchandise and profits to follow.

I'm not all that a video game designer, but I have had experience with part and building desiging on the CADD programs, as well as in-video game designing, such as the level-creation-styles of [[LittleBigPlanet]]. And before then with in-game customizations with games such as [[Animal Crossing]], [[Wikipedia:Jet Set Radio|Jet Grind Radio]], [[Wikipedia:F-Zero GX|F-Zero GX]], and others. I'm also looking forward to the upcoming [[ModNation Racers|Modnation Racers]]. BTW, you said you play video games too, which console(s) do you own? If you have a PS3, we can be exchange [[PSN]] Online IDs and communicate through there too.

I've just started drinking last June; my first drink was a [[Chris's_Big_Night_Out|Long Island Iced Tea]]; Delicious. :)P I've enjoyed the tastes of a local wine I sampled from a local winery. I've also tasted [[Wikipedia:Mike's Hard Lemonade Co.|Mike's Hard Lemonade]], [[Wikipedia:Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch)|Budwiser]], [[Wikipedia:Miller Brewing Company|Miller]], [[Wikipedia:Anheuser-Busch_brands#Michelob|Micolobe]], [[Wikipedia:Samuel Adams (beer)|Samual Adams]] and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour. I have not yet tried the Slivovich

From the jokes I told you, most were word-play jokes; the hippo joke was just silly. :D No, the lawer did not own the cow; those two scenarios were seperate. "Lawyer" and "Sawyer" rhyme, and what does a lawyer do? "Sue" someone. I'll sing the cow lyric for you on Monday when we meet; it's funnier when heard anyway.

Your friends may come for lunch too. I can think of three other good places: CiCi's Pizza has good pizza, salads, soups and desserts; all you can eat. Tropical Smoothie Cafe has good flatbread sandwiches that come with your choice of chips or fruit, and their smoothies are tasty too. Baja Bean has some good mexican food. I'm also open for your suggestions, or what you feel like then.

I'm sorry to hear that about your original father, but at least you had Walt to be your emotionally supportive dad, and you still have your mother too. :) It's always good to count your blessings.

[[Chris and religion|Do you go to church]]? I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Wesley United Methodist Church]], south-bound on Emmet St. beyond the tennis courts, across from the UVA parking garage there. I was baptized there Mother's Day of 2008; my father and I are Methodists, and my mother is Presbertyrian.

Do you have siblings? I have two half-brothers and one half-sister. My mother had [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]; a movie reviewer in New York City, currently living with his girlfriend and her family. He also has a website, [http://www.colesmithey.com http://www.colsmithey.com]. My father had [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]]. Alan is an Optomologist in Chesterfield County; he is married and has a daughter; her name is Savannah. Carol has a PHD and Degree in Math, and last my father and I heard, she was working with the Government in DC; Top Secret Stuff. Seriously, I HAVE NO INKLING of where in DC she is or what's she been up to.

Does your mother work too, or is she a housewife? My mother held a number of Secretarial jobs; most recent was at First North American National Bank (Partnered with Circuit City) where she worked in Recovery. She's retired now; she used to be an adequate homemaker, but since she retired, she's been taking it easy a lot.

BTW, my father's name is Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., and my mother's is Barbara Anne Weston Chandler.

And I have a number of aunts, uncles and cousins I'll be happy to tell you about at a later time. Please feel free to tell me some about your family and y'alls history.

Also, I am 1/32 [[Cherokee]], from my father's side; I am also part English, British and French (British and French from my mother's). My family tree includes the Boleyn family; [[Anne Boleyn]], one of King Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to Queen Elizabeth I. Anne was related in an Aunt-Sense; my mom and I are more directly linked to her sister, Mary Boleyn. At least, as far as my mother found in her family's history. the next link she found was Richard Weston, First Earl of Portland. I'm still trying to find the link between Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn. Anyway, another one of my ancestors after Richard was the dude who bartered for the Mayflower for the English People to board and take that famous Pilgrimage.

I'll stop there for now.

Anyway, our meeting is settled then; this coming Monday at the Barracks Road McDonalds at 2:00 PM. We'll make the business exchange of the guitars for the $90.99, USD, then we'll hang out with a spot of lunch. :)

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe and Take Care,
Cau,
Chris.
(I do not know how to type in an acented letter from my keyboard or AOL e-mail)}}

====Regina drops some hints====
{{Email|Hey Christian. I am at a friends house right now. I am a little bit drunk because we have been drinking some wine her dad gave us. Please excuse any spelling errors. :)

That is pretty cool about your Soniku thing. I hope you get it published. I still havent seen [[CWCipedia|your website]]. I guess I should check it out if you are famous for it or something.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Is she ok? It sounds pretty serious. What happened exactly?

When I get home from my friends house I will send you some grad photos. I have what I think is the perfect dress.

Yeah I figured the joke you were talking about would be better in person. Do you have any more examples? Im trying to understand as much as possible. Oh, feel free to correct my English too, I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to languages.

Ok, so we can meet at McDonalds and then go somewhere else. I really dont want to eat there. The taco place you mentioned sounds pretty cool. I dont think my friend and her boyfriend will be coming.

As for video games, I have a PS3 and mostly just play guitar hero. Thats why we are buying the controllers from you. Cause me and my friend are really competitive. We want to compete against each other.

[[Megan_Schroeder#Megan_Saga|Ugh, there is this really fat ugly guy at this party who keeps touching me and annoying me by talking about some stupid drawings he does.]] Hes really an idiot. Luckily my friend keeps shooing him away.

I dont really go to church a lot. I went to a Catholic secondary school. But in the Czech republic, religion is not all that popular. Ive never really found all that much reason to go to [[church]]. I dont know what methodism is. Im kind of a Christian Existentialist anyway. I really like [[Wikipedia:Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]].

Anyway, my thumbs are getting tired from typing this on my friends iPhone so I think I will get back to partying. Ill send you the pictures tomorrow.

Ahoj!!! :)
Regina}}
====Nazi joke====
{{Email|Hey, sorry for last night. I was in no state to be sending emails. I was kind of just doing it to look busy so [[Christian Weston Chandler|that guy]] would stop bothering me. I didn't really answer all your questions!!!!

So, in addition to the stuff I mentioned last night:

I do have some siblings. There is my brother Kristián I mentioned before, and my little sister Kateřina. Kristian is 25 and just started his own company. Kateřina is 15 and still attending secondary
school. My mom does work. She has a dog grooming business. My ancestors haven't done anything special. At least not that I know of. Maybe they have but Novák is such a common name in the Czech republic
the relation would be insignificant. I would check my Dad's side but Kovač is even more common than Novák. I don't like to be judged on my [[Anne Boleyn|family]] [[Daniel Weston|history]] anyway and prefer people assess me for what I do.

I have a Czech joke for you:
 During the Nazi occupation, a Gestapo officer drags a Czech man into a prison and says "lock him up!"
 The clerk asks, "what did he do?"
 The Gestapo officer says "he shouted '[[Michael Snyder|Jews]] out! Germans in their place!'"
 The clerk says "why did you arrest him for that? That's the new law!"
 The Gestapo officer says "he was in a Jewish cemetery!"

It's not the best joke but it's the only one that anyone has understood when I told it to them. Do you have any more jokes to consider before we meet?

So, at the Barracks road McDonalds at 2pm. Please expect that I will be a little late.

Hopefully I will hear from you by email before then. OK? :)

Get the guitars ready xixixi.

How is your mom doing?

Oh... and picture attched.

Čau čau!!!
Regina.}}
====The meeting arranged====
{{EmailReply|I've just downloaded and saw your pic; WOW! You're like Cinderella from the Disney movie; Beeeautiful! :)

I will have the two guitars and their USB receivers ready for you; please make sure you have the cash on hand to pay for them. $91 is acceptable; I will be happy to give you the penny in change. Also, I've just purchased PS3 Rock Band Country Track Pack for the code to download the Tracks to be playable in Rock Band 1 + 2. I was thinking about putting it on eBay for $19.99, but if you want it, I'll be happy to include it with the guitars, as a Free Bonus.

Do you get WiFi at your place, so we could communicate over the Playstation Network? If you don't, I recommend it. I get WiFi here at my house and as far as its yard streches property-wise, courtesy of Comcast Cable; I have a cable modem box with a WiFi Router equipped to it. It is a good deal, especially with Guitar Hero titles; I buy and download the additional Tracks from the Playstation Store (some of which are free).

Another great game I highly recommend for the PS3 is [[LittleBigPlanet]]; in addition to the Story Mode and customizing your Sackperson, you can collect the in-game parts and pieces and create your own levels. I have a few of my own uploaded onto the PSN. "LittleBigPlanet... It is a planet that is little; it is a planet that is big."

Anyway, by the taco place, do you mean the Taco Bell or the Baja Bean, just so I'm clear on that? It's okay if you come by yourself, and I understand if you're late; I'll wait for you. You'll know I'm there if you see a [[Son-Chu|dark blue station wagon-shaped Ford Escort]] with "Sonichu" on the License Plate, and an Autobot symbol on it's trunk door in the nearby parking spaces.

I would not judge you on your family history; it still makes a good conversation or research topic.

The hospital just released my mother this morning, and my father brought her home this afternoon. She is still recovering, and my father and I went out earlier to get her new perscriptions, but at least she doesn't have to make as many restroom runs now.

Your joke is good. I have a few other jokes, as well as a riddle or two. Or I may come up with something new at random. [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|I get some of my material from past comedy shows and movies]]. Three comedians I enjoy are Red Skelton, Lucille Ball and Jerry Sienfeld.

I look forward to meeting you and hanging out with you tomorrow. :)

Cau Cau, and Stay Safe,
Chris.}}
====Subtlety is wasted on Chris====
{{EmailReply|I'm glad you had a good time last night at your friend's house, and I'm sorry you had to deal with [[Chris|that fat guy]]. It's good to be blessed with friends to help you like that. :)

Oh, and Methodism, as well as Presbertianism, are both of Christian Religions; you may look them up on Wikipedia.

Cau,
Chris.}}
====eh [[Kick the Autistic|kicks autistics]] and doesn't afraid of anything====
{{Email|First off, I'm supposed to say HI FROM [[Gregg Mays|GREGG WITH THREE Gs]].

He said you had family business to attend to and couldn't make it. He was kind enough to drop off the guitars. Thank you for the discount by the way! 50% is huge! Gregg also took the liberty of cleaning off the stickers and paint. He said it looked kind of bad. But they look like new now! Thanks!

Hope nothing is too serious and you got it all sorted out.

Gregg is pretty cool guy.

ČAU!!!!
Regina :)}}
====Oh the guitars are good too====
{{Email|I got the computer for a couple minutes. Just wanted to say that we should hang out sometime soon since I didn't get to see you. I Skyped my dad and told him to leave some good feedback about the guitars.
They work great!!!!

See you soon I hope!!! :)

ČAU ČAU
Regina.}}
====Chris totally hates Gregg Mays====
{{EmailReply|I apologize for not replying sooner.

Listen, this "Gregg" you met up with is an Enemy of mine; he is NOT to be trusted. He is an internet [[Troll]]/Bully. In fact, that is not his real name; he goes by "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash", but niether one of them are his real name. You bought the two guitars from a crook, a fiend. I felt shocked when you mentioned his name in your last e-mail; I was hoping to avoid having to talk about that son of a bitch.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

[[Chris and his ego|I had to be fated to become internet famous]]...

Anyway, I will still be happy to meet up with you and hang out. Perhaps we can hang out at the [[Fashion Square Mall]]. Let me know which day would be good for you.

Also, I would like you to get in touch with my [[gal-pal]] I've told you a bit about earlier; she will be introducing herself in an e-mail soon; her address is ''*redacted*''. That way, you'll get to know one of my friends as well. :)

BTW, I've relisted the two guitars on eBay; it was wierd to get the positive feedback after you've bought the guitars from Someone Else (who happens to be a crook).

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Outrage====
{{Email|OH MY GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!

Not at you of course.

So this guy who sold me [[guitar]]s wasn't even a friend of yours? I'm not sure I fully understand this... so he came with two identical guitars and took the [[money]] that was supposed to go to you? I'm amazed. Have I go the story right? It's amazing how being on the internet can bring out so many stupid people!!! I am SOOOO SORRY. There was no way I could have known! Can you forgive me?

What about the feedback, should I tell my dad to leave it there? It doesn't seem honest but this guy has ripped you off. What do you think?

As far as hanging out goes, we will soon guaranteed. I have to head home to Prague this weekend cause [[Barb|my mom is sick. It doesn't seem too serious, but I should visit my family. It's good to see them when they are down you know? What sort of things do you want to do? Good news is I have my own laptop now, so I can email more frequently. Email me lots over the weekend cause I may be pretty bored in Prague. I'm kind of excited though because I will be going to see family in Liberec and I get to RIDE THE TRAIN!!!

I would love to talk to your friend!!! I am trying to meet as many new people as possible. It can get lonely being a foreigner here and I want to practice my [[English]] too! What's a [[gal-pal]]?

I attached another photo from my [[graduation]]. It's of me and my two bestest teachers. Do you have any favourite lektors from school or university?

How's your mom? And how is the job hunt? I've been trying to find some work recently too.

Ok, study break is over. Back to the work.

ČAU MOJ!!
Regina.}}
====Absence====
{{Email|Haven't heard from you in a while. You aren't angry with me are you?

I finally took a peek at your [[YouTube]] account. There's a lot of [[Chris and anger|angry videos]] on there. What is happening? Should I be worried about [[Clyde Cash|this Gregg person]]?

What should I do?

Regina}}
====We cool====
{{EmailReply|Hey, Regina. No, I am not angry with you; we are cool.

As long as you ignore him and don't communicate further with Gregg, don't worry. BTW, since you've met "Gregg" in person, can you describe what he looks likes; height, body build, [[Heterochromia|eye color]], skin, hair color/style and such?

Don't worry about the whole mess; it's MY mess, and I am and will deal with it personally.

And don't worry about the Guitar deal; I've relisted them on [[eBay]]; it's all cool.

How is your mother; I hope she's doing better? And let's try to re-schedule our meet and greet hang-out; do you know where Fashion Square Shopping Center is?

TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====The many faces of Gregg====
{{Email|Hey there.

Sure I can describe Gregg. He's a kind of square shouldered guy. He's [[black]]. He's around 190 cm and he had some [[51 50|pretty big biceps]]. He had pretty short [[hair]] too. I am not really good at telling black people apart to be honest. I've been getting some weird emails too. Do you think they may be from him?

My mom is doing better. Thank you for asking. Though she is still pretty weak. They aren't sure why. They want to do more tests.

I've heard about the [[Fashion Square Mall]], why do you ask? I have yet to go there.

I've read a bit from your Sonichu site. I'm not sure I totally understand it.

Čauko!

Regina}}
====Chris explains YouTube madness====
{{EmailReply|Thank you for your description.

I've asked about Fashion Square, because I go there often, and it would be an ideal place to meet up. I'm free any afternoon; just let me know the day and time, and we can try to meet up again. :)

As for the wierd e-mails, make note of the sender e-mail addresses, block them, and delete any future wierd e-mails without reading them. You can pretty much tell in the subject line anyway.

Also, for the recently uploaded videos on YouTube; they were directed to my [[trolls]], including the crazy-acting [[Sign Destruction Video|one where I break that hunk of wood]] (I was trying to scare them away with that one), please do not judge me from those. Although they do emphasize my dramatic side.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Insane people in malls====
{{Email|Yo, wassup?

Yeah, I'm not a really big fan of American malls. I seem to meet so many weird people in them. Usually some people shouting and being weird. I keep seeing all kinds of [[Attraction Sign|strange things]] in malls.

How about this: I finally got an apartment hookup through my friend. She found a great place near the University. I haven't seen it yet but I am totally trusting of her. We are going to take possession around the middle of [[November 2010|November]]. We are SOOOO having a house party. Are you down? We are going to get WASTED and break the house in proper.

I'll block the emails. Just like you recommended. What are trolls anyway? I always thought they were some ugly things from children's stories that ate goats. I'm kind of getting the sense from what I have read that they are some sort of internet haters or something. What exactly do they want with you?

The videos are pretty interesting. I thought [[War Paint Video|the Indian one]] was cute :) but I don't really understand it. Tell me more about your dramatic side!

I totally talked to your friend! She seems really cool. How did you meet her? Is she like your girlfriend or something? I love meeting new people. It gets so hard being a foreigner here when everything is weird.

Back to studying!!!!!

Těší mě!!!

Regina.}}

====Chris believes the trolls are jealous of him====
{{EmailReply|Firstly, [[Kim]] is not my girlfriend; she already has a boyfriend; she and i are just friends. I met her through an old friend of mine.

The house party sounds like fun. :) I am down with that. But I would still like to meet you in person ASAP. How about this, since you don't like the mall, and I recall you telling me you liked the taco place, how about we meet at a [[Taco Bell]]? There are two in [[Charlottesville]]; one nearby the Barracks Road Shopping Center, and one nearby the Albemarle Square, where the ACAC Fitness Center<ref>[http://cville.acac.com/]</ref> is located. Just let me know which day you will be free, and I can meet you at one of the two Taco Bells (We'll need to specify which one beforehand) that afternoon.

In this case, Trolls are Internet Bullies; they pick on people for the "LULZ" (or "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|Laughs Under Lucridicities]]" as I put it); Laughs at other people's expense. They try to trick, or hack, the victim or their associates to gather dirt and information on them, and twist and turn the truth around and make terrible, slanderous jokes at their expense. Mostly, they pick on celebrities; I do not really understand why me of all people. But they are just lowly individuals who most likely hang out practically 24/7 in their basements in front of their computers. The only theory I have is that they're jealous of me and my creative ideas and comics.

Anyway, I gtg; I have a few things to do right now, but I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Philosophy reading====
{{Email|Hello!!! :)

Well, the thing is, I want to meet you too. But right now this philosophy at university is driving me mad!!! I have so much reading to do I am spending all my time in classes or at home with my nose in a book. I figure once I can get the bulk of my reading under control, I am totally yours to meet. I'll guarantee we can meet before the housewarming party, but not at this exact moment.

Not unless you can explain my philosophy readings to me :D Why does it need to be ASAP?

I am really not a fan of fast food, maybe we can go to [[Chris's Big Night Out|a nightclub or bar or something]]... do you know any good ones??

So I think I understand the whole trolls thing. I read a bit of your bio on that cogsdev thing you sent me. It seems like a pretty confusing story. It sounds pretty tragic too.

Anyway, in the meantime, until we meet that it, can I keep sending you emails to keep my English up to date? Although she speaks perfect English, my Aunt only wants to speak Czech all the time... All my readings are in English but I keep getting worried my social English will go out the window. Can I ask you some questions before we meet?

Pusinky :*
Regina.}}
''Pusinky'' means "dolls."
====The sooner the better====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; we can meet up at the Baja Bean across from [[Wal-Mart]]; they have a bar there, and they do check for ID, but it is smoke-free and clean. Plus, they have Karaoke Friday Nights there at 9:00. It doesn't have to be ASAP, but the sooner the better, I feel. And of course you may ask me as many questions as you please, and I can think of some in response to those as well. :) I continue to look forward to our meet and greet.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Questions about America====
{{Email|Hey!!!

Ok, cool. I like to ask foreigners a lot of questions. Because this is the first time I have lived in [[America]], so there are so many things I am curious about...

Ok, so check this out. I saw [[War Paint Video|your video where you are dressed up like an Indian]]. Do they still live on reservations and stuff? I haven't met anyone who is an Indian (at least not that I know of) and no one seems to really know that much about them. Do you? You said you had some ancestry, so I was just curious. Do you follow any traditions? The only things I know about Indians are from the Winnetou books and movies and I'm not sure how accurate they are.

Oh hey, do you have any more books to recommend other than [[Goosebumps|those RL Stien books]]? My brother is looking for some good books and those ones aren't available in the Czech republic. He needs to read more because his English sucks almost as much as my dad's.

I went through some of your comics. Pretty interesting. Where did you learn to draw? I have been reading books on how to draw but can't seem to get anything right. I read a lot of theory books like from Marvel and stuff but I never seem to improve. I would take lessons but that will have to wait until University is over.

Ok, and a couple of American things that really get me confused...

The first is [[halloween]]. Everyone seems to make a big deal of it. I don't get it. We don't have it in the Czech republic but everyone knows what it is. But what's the big deal anyway? A lot of people have invited me to parties. Are you going to a party? I don't understand how this thing for kids to get candy has turned into adults dressing up for parties.

Also, politics. People really seem to ramble about politics a lot. I think I kind of get the sense of what the parties are about. Who do you vote for? I hope that's not too personal a question. And a lot of people seemed to hate [[George Bush]]. Why didn't they like him so much? And now a lot of people don't like [[Obama]]. Why don't people like him? ARRRRGH, I'm so confused. And what's with all these conspiracies... ABOUT BOTH.

Oh hey, on a by the way sort of note... My dad's is starting up this new media company and he needs writer/editor type people with HTML skills for a website. I read on your site that you know a bit about that. They are having trouble finding skilled people to fill the position. Would you be interested in the email address or are you too busy with freelance work? I don't know anything about how much it pays but my dad said just refer (he told me to ask anyone I knew) people to his HR manager and they would happily answer questions. I still feel bad about the guitar thing and hoped this would make it up to you.

Gaaah! I need to get back to all this philosophy reading. All these books make me think about our place in the world. Do you think there is a grand design or something? Do you have a personal philosophy? After reading all this, I don't know what to believe...

Ask me some questions so I can procrastinate in these readings LOL!!!

Ok. Back to work.

Čau moj!
Regina}}
====Wikipedia: The answer to everything====
{{EmailReply|Cool. Well, in order to your questions; firstly, I am 1/32 [[Cherokee]]. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations. The proper term is not Indian (that term was misconstruded when Christopher Colombus landed at what would later be called America, and he thought it was India (his originally planned destination) and he referred to the people as people of India by mistake; the proper term is Native American. I currently do not know of any traditions to follow of my Cherokee ancestry, but information on "Cherokee" can be looked up on Wikipedia.

The only other books I can remember having read, off the top of my head, is "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Wednesday's Child" and "The Giver". The authors escape me, but again, check on Wikipedia.

My drawing style, I would say is mostly natural, but I have learned about perspectives and such from Numerous Art Classes I took throughout my lifetime in all my schools I went to. I can shed some light on perspectives for you and help you practice drawing in the future. :) Do you have any samples of your drawing style you'd like to share with me? I can critique it and offer you honest, detailed feedback that can help you as well.

Halloween History can be looked up on Wikipedia, but the costumed portions, from what I've heard, started in these United States in Salem with Witches, spooks and the like. As portrayed in [[Wikipedia:Treehouse of Horror VIII|a "Treehouse of Horror" episode]] of "[[The Simpsons]]", one theory states that some of those witches wanted children for one of their brews or something, so they went house-to-house. But instead of taking the children, they were offered cookies, candies and treats, and the witches accepted those instead. And eventually, the trend of Trick or Treat and costumed people going house-to-house followed for a Halloween tradition. Adults like to dress up to get into the spirit, and parties are a given as such for fun and enjoyment. I know of a halloween party I plan on going to nearby the Downtown [[Mall]]; if we meet soon enough, I would like to invite you to come with me there. :) If you came with me, what would you dress up as? And I encourage your own personal creativity. As a suggestion, if you still have your prom dress, all you would need are a pair of clear transparent slippers and a tiara, and you come as Cinderella.

I am not all that into politics, but I do know some things from ear (Bush and Obama and why people dislike them can be found on the Wikipedia also). You may be talking about George Bush JUNIOR that people have disliked; I don't know much of why. As for Obama, people are disliking him, because he supposedly is being a wuss and has pulled back some of the US Armed Forces from other countries. And currently, his Health Plan; to my understanding, it would just be a costly thing that Americans are not ready for yet, because we can't afford it yet, due to the recent recession (which didn't seem like that big of a deal in my opinion; I just lived on day by day, and I'm still okay). And there's the deal with another country concealing a nuclear facility from him; they don't want to give a tour, and they're saying it's there for "Peace Reasons". Obama's trying to get other countries' support to make this country show him their facility. That's what I know right now. I recommend learning what you can in research to help settle your confusion more if you feel the need.

Also, as for voting, in current events, my main concern is on the [[Wikipedia:Governor of Virginia| Governer of Virginia]]; [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnel]] or [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Craig Deeds]]. There are tales of McDonnel wanting to take Virginia backwards, in a sense, by supporting a law created by Bush Jr. (I think). And McDonnel is Against Abortion Rights, and he would make it illegal, even in incest or rape, and for married couples, to have the choice. On the other hand, Craig supports higher taxes for gas, housing and such. Currently, Craig is ahead, but my father and I both feel that Neither McDonnel or Craig are good; they're both poor choices. We're even thinking on Election Day to Write in [[Peanuts|Snoopy (Charlie Brown's dog)]] instead of voting for McDonnel or Craig. LOL

I do have good knowledge of raw HTML, and I created the Most Original [[CWC's Sonichu Site]], as well as its predecessor, [[CWC's PokeSite 2]], from raw HTML text in Notepad. I have had two classes; one during [[High School]] and one later at [[PVCC]]. I would need more information on your dad's company, and the web server that is set up for his company, but I am up for that. ;)

Personal philosophy, I'm not sure; I have thought about it before, but it escapes me at the moment. I promise to recall, remember it and get back to you on that.

Also, for bars I've been to, I've also been to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebees]] (the one by [[Toys]] 'R' Us; they have Karaokee Mondays), the [[Wikipedia:T.G.I. Friday's|TGIFridays]] by [[Target]], and Club R2 (A.K.A. the Rapture) in the Downtown Mall (I don't know much about R2, but they do print their events in [[Charlottesville]]'s "[[The Hook]]" weekly newsletter magazine (it's Free). Have you been to any yourself yet, and if so which ones?

I'll think up some more questions for you by the next e-mail.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina is just full of questions====
{{Email|Word up yo...

Ok, thanks for telling me about the whole Indian/Native American thing. No one corrected me on that yet and I have been saying it all along. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess it is hard to preserve traditions like that. I guess most of it was verbal history too.

I don't think I will offer up any drawings for critique just yet. I am not sure they are good enough. Maybe I will, but I will have to find them first. Like a lot of my personal photos they are strewed around on a whole variety of different CDs. I'll look, but no promises.

Ok, so I think I get the whole deal behind halloween parties. I guess it just makes sense to have an excuse to dress up crazy and go out to have fun. The halloween party you mentioned sounds like fun, can you tell me more about it? I would go, but I think I will have to fly back to the Czech republic cause my mom is still sick. My dress is there anyway, it was too much to pack. Surely you must know some nice lady you can take there? What are you dressing up as? That's what I'm really curious about. And why are you choosing this costume... oh, please take photos of your costume if I don't get to see it.

Thank you for clearing that bit up about politics. Can you explain to me, if you don't like these two men, why you would write a cartoon character's name? Are these the only two men? Is there really no other people? That sounds a little bizarre to hae only two people to choose from. I guess no one else wanted the position? The way you put it, Obama does sound like kind of a wuss. Do you think he is right to pull back the armies from these arab countries? I read the Wikipedia article on George Bush Junior. It seems that people don't like him because of immigrants or something. And he doesn't seem to care about the environment and people seem to think he allows torture. And mostly the wars he started too... how reliable is this Wikipedia? Are these things really so bad? Good luck with choosing the governor.

Ok, I don't know the details about HTML and things. Computers are not my specialty. My dad told me to find anybody interested and forward them on to him. His email is *redacted* so it is probably best just to contact him. He may get his assistant to write back, because, well, you have read his English already. If he does reply on his own, go easy on him, k? :) You have some pretty good chances of getting the job cause they are having a really hard time getting a pool of applicants. They really want an English speaker, but no one seems to want to work for a Czech company.

I have been to a few bars, but I forget the names of most of the places. I think I went to some bar called [[Vivian]]'s or some place next to it or something. I really need to start remembering the names of all these places. A couple of discos too. I will pick up a copy of The Hook and look for these events you suggest.

Here's another few questions I thought of. Have you ever thought about doing comic plots for different characters? Like maybe doing a spinoff for one of your current characters or designing a new set of characters with a new story? Or are you just sticking to your current universe? And why/why not? My brother used to read a lot of comics so he may ask me about your mentality or whatever the next time I see him.

Hey also, we were talking about philosophy, that's cool if you don't remember your personal views. I guess it isn't something the average person thinks about every day. What about your future? What do you see in your future? I am always curious about this with everybody. I see myself being like my father or brother and starting my own business, but some different kind of business. Not like the traditional kind. I just don't know what yet. What about you? What kinds of things would you like to do? Maybe in ten years or when you retire? Or next year, whatever...

Anyway, back to the books!

Papá!!
Regina}}
====Chris babbles about costumes, politics, and dreams====
{{EmailReply|It's cool; I look forward to any drawings you are able to share with me. :)

The Halloween party I'm planning on going to is on Saturday October 31 at the Key Center, 800 E. Market St,<ref>[http://www.thekeycenter.info/]</ref> at 7 - 9 PM; $3 per person, $5 per couple; I will pay our way in if you decide to come with me. I thought I've mentioned that I currently have a few gal-pals (who are already taken), but no girlfriend for myself yet (I'm single). So, other than you, I do not have anyone else I could take. I'm going to go in this outfit I sometimes wore before to the [[Pokemon]] [[Trading Card Game]] League I used to attend that made me look like Ash Ketchum. I thought of making up an outfit to go as Captain N, from that classic Nintendo TV Show, "[[Wikipedia:Captain N: The Game Master|Captain N, the Game Master]]", but it's hard for me to find a matching jacket at Goodwill, even an "N" to stitch onto the jacket. I'll send you a photo in the next e-mail.

I'm sorry to hear your mother is still ill; please offer her my humble condolences and wishes for full recovery. :)

The wikipedia is most reliable; the people who post on there most of the time quote their sources; books, newspapers, other websites, etc.

McDonnel and Deeds are the only two candidates for VA Governer at this time, and with both of them being not so swift candidates, it just seems fitting to write-in the fictional character as a comical alternative. My father brought up the idea of writing Snoopy in first, and I was hip to the idea, because it made me laugh. :D As for why, McDonnel is Against [[Women's rights|Abortion Rights]], and Deeds would Raise Taxes; it's like one would [[Retard]]ate [[Virginia]], and one would Make Things [[Chris and money|MORE Expensive]].

As for Obama, I would have to agree with popular opinion on the issue of him pulling back our troops; I feel what he did there was like saying, "We're not worthy; please do with us as you wish, and we will offer no resistance." Pitiful.

I will respect and understand your father's english capabilities and wording at my best. :)

I do not plan on any spin-offs for [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic series]]; there are a LOT of characters and such, and I feel it would be more complicated and difficult to do such at this time. But in future pages, I do plan on expanding on each individual character with their individual stories and adventures. I have all my ideas written in my Brain's [[Diary]].

As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but [[Dreams|I HAVE A DREAM]]! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.

Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him [[Reginald]]; that was not a dream-thing though. I've had a [[PandaHalo|past internet gal-pal]], who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child. She died [[January 2009|last Janurary]] during the wild bushfires then. Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.

I have a lot of stories I would be happy to share with you in-person in conversations in the future. It feels easier to me to talk about it in-person, in lieu to typing it up.

Which brings up a topic I'm curious about, please tell me about any past relationships you've had; ex-boyfriends, any sex, etc. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, I understand.

Cool, I will TTYL,

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,

Cau,

Chris. :)}}

====Regina can't make it====
{{Email|Hey there!

Well, thank you for the offer for the halloween party, but I will definitely be flying to Praha on that day. So there is no possible way for me to make it. Can't wait to see the photos of the Ash outfit you mentioned. I think I know the character you are talking about. I am sure I will recognise it when I see it. I don't know who Captain N is. I will check Wikipedia or something. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse your gal-pals for girlfriends. I just figured you were involved with someone. If not on a full relationship yet. Just a sense I got from your YouTube videos. I saw one where you were talking to a girl named [[Kacey|Kacy]] where you said you cared about her. Sorry for the confusion. I seem to have taken these videos out of context. Is there an explanation?

It's too bad you have such poor choices for governor or whatever. Higher taxes aren't such a bad thing though are they? They help pay for important stuff. I agree they shouldn't be too high. How much more will you have to pay if he gets elected? What happens if everyone writes Snoopy on the ballot? Would he have to take office?

When you put it that way about Obama, it does sound pitiful. If that's the case, why do so many people like him? And why do you think he should have stayed in Iraq? Are you a very patriotic person? I am very proud of being Czech, especially of my language.

You certainly seem like you have your future planned out in full. I wish I knew my future as well as you do! For now, I just want to EXCEL. I want to make the best of myself in whatever I do. I have had to bust my ass while studying. Everyone goes out and parties but I don't stop till I get it right. And boy do my marks show it. I want to be the BEST. Not sure what I have to prove. Just want to be all I can be. Maybe once I do that, I can relax for a bit. My own business is my clearest goal, even though I'm not sure what the business will be about. Do you ever have ambitions like this?

I am really sorry to hear about your friend. She must have been very special to you.

Since you mentioned Snoopy, I was just curious. What are your favourite cartoons? Do you prefer Western or Eastern? What do you like about them? I personally like Russian cartoons.

I was also watching your video about [[Brutal Legend]]. I heard about that game. Is it good??? It sure looks good! Do you like metal music? Is that why you got this? I think you probably explained this in your video but there is no sound. Did YouTube screw it up?

Here's a weird question I love asking people... If you could have any superpower, what would it be? What would you do with it. The best answer I ever got was from my friend. She wanted the ability to fart in stereo LOLOLOL!!! I guess that means she would have two buttholes.

Also, what's up with American trains? European trains are way cooler. Do you use the train much?

We totally will share in person as soon as I have the time. I just want to get to know you in the meantime is all. I can be initially shy in a first meeting so it helps if I know what I can talk about.

Did you email my dad? He says he didn't get anything from you yet. Sometimes these Czech emails can be pretty screwball. If it isn't working, I'll give you his Gmail.

Nope, never had a boyfriend.

Na zdravie, šťastie a lásku,
Regina :)}}

Czech for "health, happiness and love."

====Chris answers a bunch of questions, is still a virgin====
{{EmailReply|Yes, [[Kacey]] is one of my gal-pals; nothing major at the time. She already cares for [[Liquid Chris|this other dude]]. I do care about her as a friend though. :) I am the sort of man who keeps his friends close to his heart and cares about them.

The only True-from-My-Heart-and-Mind Videos are on my own personal [[YouTube]] accounts, my current "ChristianWChandler" and my past "CChan6789". MOST others outside of my accounts will be slandered, misleading videos created by the Trolls, in lame attempts to mislable me, as well as smearing my good name and reputation.

I've attached an early picture of me in my ol' outfit (0647); ignore the wastepouch; I have not worn one in years. And I generally wore this yellow Pokemon TCG League Gym Leader shirt to Best complete the outfit (0584).

These photos are from my slideshow of life photos/pics I presented in a [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]] I created on my 25th Birthday, February 24, [[2007]], called "Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on T.V." Originally, it was priviately distributed from me to close friends and family. But last year, a troll pretended to be one of my old, close [[gal-pal]] and tricked a copy out of me; now it's all over the web, with messed-up versions of the original videos, and people making and distributing FAKE copies. DO NOT BUY any of those, as well as the unofficial Sonichu/Rosechu merchandise; there aren't any at this time, but I am working on that. After you and I become real close, I would be happy to make a copy for you, or I can share my Master Copy with you in a multiple number of "Movie Nights"; there is over 6 hours of original content.

Please do not judge me, but yeah I have yet to expierence a major relationship. But I do have a good amount of knowledge to make up a good relationship, as well as good sex. I have seen a good share of soft and hardcore porn, including some Educational videos from companies like the Sinclair Institute. But again, there is no rush. Which brings up a question, how do you feel about sex before marriage, or sex in general?

I feel that higher taxes is the better of the two evils in the governer issues, so I'll probably root for Deeds anyway. I wouldn't worry about Snoopy.

Obama stay in Iraq? You may have misunderstood a phrasing in my last e-mail; I never meant that in any way. I am proud to be an american; I am patriotic. I can go on about the history of these United States and how our forefathers, who founded it and shaped it to what it is today, worked and fought to maintain order and peace throughout this fine nation. My father could go on about that as well; he is very knowledgeable in the history. And I welcome and respect your patriotism for your country as well; you have every right as you were born and raised in it. :)

I have had ambitions for a job or business, even though it was not made clear to me on what it would be specifically; I'm still uncertain currently. What are your ideas for the business subject you'd like to pursue? My mother originally wanted to be a teacher, and she has had past expierence in substituting for the teacher in their absence from time to time. Yet she ended up taking a number of secretarial jobs in a number of companies and businesses.

I have a LOT of favorited cartoons; (anything) [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Transformers]] (any Generation), [[Excel Saga]], Samurai Pizza Cats, Smurfs, [[Gay|Care Bears]], and more. I'm not sure what you mean by Western or Eastern, unless you mean American and Japan (Anime) Animation. I like [[Anime]] a bit better, because it is mostly better drawn and rendered compared to American, plus the stories are usually better, and sometimes the original Japanese Audio, even in the TV-Y area, has some curse words. LOL :D I have also watched Canadian Animation; those were good, and British Animation ("[[Wikipedia:Danger Mouse (TV series)|
Danger Mouse]]" to name one). I don't think I've ever watched Russian Animation, but I am always open for new shows. :)

Yeah, I am uncertain [[PSEye|what happened to the audio in the original video I did for Brutal Legend]]. I like all kinds of [[Chris and music|music]], unless it's presented at a TOO Loud volume; respect the eardrums. LOL Metal is awesome, but I mostly listen to Pop, Lite Rock, Country, Jazz and Classic.

I would have to say Super Speed; [[Sonichu's Edge|I wouldn't easily tire out after running at such velocity]], I'd get a lot more exercise, and I wouldn't require a car if I can get there in a Snap on foot. :D

I have never ridden on a train, I'm sorry.

You can talk about most anything to me, no worries. And if you cross a line, I will let you know; I would respect your wishes if I cross a line in discussion, you'd only need to tell me.

I've just e-mailed Walter, asking for the information. I am certain he got the message, because I would have gotten a "Returned Message" e-mail if the address was faulty.

I'm sorry you can't make the Halloween Party, but it's cool; I'll be okay. :) I am looking forward to your house-warming party; please let me know if I can do or bring anything to help make it better. Please be sure to let me know the details when you are fully certain of them; when and where.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Cau,
Chris.}}
====Regina is asexual, asks about loads of random stuff====
{{Email|Yo yo yo wass happenin'

That is too bad that Kacey cares for another dude, it wasn't some sort of tragic love triangle was it? I feel really sorry for you if it was. It is good that you can look past it and see her as a friend still.

It would be cool to see your DVD. I didn't know you were a filmmaker too! What kind of films do you make? What is your DVD about? It sounds interesting. I love director's cuts. Do you have a big screen? I hate watching movies on small TVs. I am sorry to hear that people are pirating it. It really sucks when people [[Sonichu|steal other people's intellectual property]] like that.

[[Chris and religion|Sex before marriage is of no concern to me.]] People can do whatever they want in the privacy of their homes. Sex in general seems like a waste of time in my opinion. But like I said, they can do what they want. I have never watched a porno.

Speaking of other countries and patriotism, how much do you know about the Czech republic? I am always curious what people know about my country, or Europe. Have you been to Europe? Is there any place you would like to visit in Europe? We have so many nice things to see. Or maybe you would prefer a different continent? Speaking of Czech, I totally tried to bring back some Slivovica for your dad. But they took it at customs. I will try to bring another. If it doesn't work this time I will get my brother to bring some when he comes to visit me in November.

As far as the business model I would like to pursue, I want to maybe open a restaurant that features all kinds of Slavic and foods from my part of the world, OR something related to fashion. I think the fashion industry is boring, I would like to introduce something new but I have no really good ideas just yet. Have you thought about any general areas? I know you said you weren't sure, but I mean generally.

What kind of Canadian cartoons have you watched? Or British ones other than Danger Mouse?

Glad to hear you like metal. I like quite a bit of it. Among other stuff. Mostly indie.

Hey do you play any sports? I love sports. I have just been getting into American Football. It seems pretty complicated. I haven't decided if I like it or not yet. It seems interesting anyway. I heard a lot of American men have played football in high school, did you by any chance?

Here's a question I keep hearing a lot in America: If you could have a dinner party and invite 3 people... anyone you want... living or dead... who would it be? Myself, I picked Vaclav Havel, Robo Kazik, Ernest Hemingway and Golda Meir. I know that's 4... yes I cheated. And you?

Do you own a gun? It seems like a lot of people here do. I'm not judging on it or anything, I'm just curious. A lot of people seem to have them. Would you ever buy one? I never thought about it myself, but one of my friends suggest I come out with her to the shooting range.

Oh, and my brother was a bit curious about your artistic process, what goes through the head of an artist when he is thinking of what to draw?

My dad got your email by the way, he let me know today that he received it. He says he is going to have his assistant look it over the start of the business day. He was really excited about the prospect of hiring an American at his company.

Glad you are looking forward to the house-warming party. It is going to RULE!!!!! I can't wait. As for what to bring... I dunno, what do Americans usually bring to parties? We do need to get some alcohol. Would you mind picking it up? It's just that most of us are under 21. If you are worried about it say no. I love America but it has some pretty dumb laws.

Anyway, back to the books... again :(

Have fun talking to my dad or his assistant :)

Mám rád zozadu,
Regina}}
====Chris wants sex, played football with girls====
{{EmailReply|I wouldn't really call myself a filmmaker, but I have created some documentry-like films that are on the DVD and saved as video files on my [[PS3]], along with the newer videos I created since then. In a nutshell, the DVD is essentially the videos I put together, the two TV News Segments I was portrayed in, and slideshows of still photos and pics with good tunes and a pretend Radio Show I created onto Audio Cassette over a decade ago. It's more or less sort of a "Best Of" type of thing. I have a Sony HD TV, about 40 or 46" wide.

In my humble opinion, I am okay with sex before marriage too. I do not feel that it is a waste of time; I feel the intercourse between loving couples who deeply care about each other is truly special, and is essentially a truly magical connection between them. Although as for those who may not feel like that during intercourse, they still get sensations that just feel totally awesome between each other.

I have not been to Europe, and I can learn more about the Czech Republic from your point of view in addition to what you've previously shared with me. :) I do not currently have a favorite location in Europe, but if I had the chance, I would enjoy visiting the other countries. Although, I would like to visit England and Japan; England being the origin of [[Barb|my mother]]'s half of the family, and I'd like to sample more of the video games only available in Japan, and see their technology that the US doesn't have yet. IDK about [[Bob|my father]] being able to take in any [[alcohol]] at his age, but I know he would appreciate the gesture, and I can get a chance to sample the slivovich for myself with you. :)

You have made some good choices in your possible carrer pursuit. :) Perhaps you and I can put our minds together and make either one happen for you. As for me, something in [[Art]]istry or Comic Publications is one idea of mine, or maybe use my [[CADD]] degree and go into designing or something.

One Canadian cartoon I can recall the name of right-off is [[Wikipedia:Bob and Margaret|Bob and Margaret]], and there was this one of two short cartoons that featured this blue dog who gets adopted into a family who is danger prone with lots of accidents; the dog protects his family and the baby.

I like [[Bionic|Basketball]], Volleyball and Baseball, and I have ice skated at the rink at the Downtown Mall. I've played football for a short while at High School, but I was not all that into it. And during that time in the P.E. class, I was placed on special request on the girl's team, which was better; I did not care to be tackled or rough-housed like they did on the boy's team. Football is okay; I'm just not all that into it.

I would invite [[Britney Spears]], [[Wikipedia:Pamela Anderson|Pamela Anderson]] and [[Wikipedia:Amy Jo Johnson|Amy Jo Johnson]] (the original Pink Ranger on the "Mighty Morphin' [[Power Rangers]]"). For my fourth, though, I would invite [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

I do not currently own a real gun, but I have had target practice in video games like "Duck Hunt" (NES) and on a few Wii games too; I'm fairly good. I may consider buying a gun, but not right now.

My artistic process... I think of story pieces, I note them, and when I draw them up, I add more to them; beginning and end (or middle and either if the piece is beginning or end). There are more details, but I'm not sure how to phrase them at this time. But mostly, it just comes to me. :)

I would be happy to bring some beer or wine to the party; just let me know which brand of beer (or white wine) strikes y'all's fancy good.

I gtg for now; [[ShowerClean|I need a shower. ]]I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Love and Peace,
Chris.}}
====Regina confirms asexuality====
{{Email|Ok, sorry I guess I misunderstood what you meant by making a DVD. So this is like a series of short films and a collection of other stuff.

So you were on the news? How did you manage that? What were you on the news for?

Oh wow, you have a big TV. It must be pretty good for video games. I
have never had a TV that big.

Ok, maybe some people are into the whole [[sex]] thing. But personally I
have no interest. I think bothering with something like that would
distract me from other more important social relationships. More
importantly it would probably distract me from improving myself. That
energy could be put to good use for a lot of other things. And I
doubt it would really change much. If you care for a person then sex
shouldn't be so important. Just an option. A lot of people seem to
think that having sex will change things. I would bet a lot of money
that it doesn't.

That is too bad that your dad can't drink any Slivovica. I guess I
can still try to smuggle some in and you can try it. It is best to
try the original Czech stuff. They say Slivovica is good for your
health and helps you live longer. Europe really is the best place to
go. A lot of Americans came to Prague looking for adventure and they
always found it. I know a bunch of them who actually settled down in
the Czech republic and got married or started new careers.

Thanks for the input on my possible career choices. What have you
been doing in the way of starting your business related to artistry or
design? Oh, speaking of which, have you talked much to my dad? He
loves America but I hope he is not being a weirdo about it. Or maybe
you spoke to his assistant.

So what reasons do you have for inviting Britney Spears, Pamela
Anderson and Amy Jo Johnson to your dinner party? What is your
motivation for having them there? What kind of questions would you
ask them? Why only media personalities? I'm very intrigued and
curious.

So you might buy a [[gun in the future? What kind of gun do you think
you would buy? Would you be getting it for protection or sport? What
exactly do you think about gun control? Personally I don't care
either way. I have never owned one but my father is an avid hunter.
He was a sharpshooter when he did his military service.

I really don't know what kind of wine is good. Do you have any
recommendations? The girls need wine. I think most of the guys who
are coming will be bringing their own beer. I am responsible for
getting the girls drunk so I need someone to bring the white wine.

Very interesting info about your art process. Do you have a full
story arc planned and fill in little pieces or do you make them up as
you go along? What inspires you to draw these particular elements?
What kinds of symbols are you using in your art? I'm curious to see
what elements are symbolic of certain things I may not be catching. I
am not good at picking up on symbols when reading. Here's one thing I
was wondering, do your characters all have first, middle and last
names? Like is [[Sonichu]] just Sonichu or is he Mr. XXXXX XXXXX Sonichu. Or maybe Sonichu is his first name?

By the way I saw your video on Kacey. Everything you said was pretty
sweet but if you want to win her back you might want to just jump in
and tell her to come back to you. Girls love guys who can be strong
and tell them what they want. I bet if you are way more assertive
then she will see and admire that. It will probably make this other
guy shit his pants with fear too. I hope I am not out of place saying
that, I just thought I would offer my womanly opinion. I hope it was
of some help.

Hope everything else is great. :)

Peace and love as you say... or mier a láska as we would say in my
language. Oh, and here's one thing I want to teach you too. You
should start conversations with na zdar. It is a really cheerful
Czech greeting. It means "I wish you well" and it sounds really cool.

Ty kokot,
Regina}}

====Chris weasels out of a job that is handed to him without reservation====

{{EmailReply|I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff and other things. I have recently found peace of mind with [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|the arrival of my Copyright Registeration Certificate from the VA Library of Congress for Sonichu]]. I am in work on making a presentation video and getting in touch with companies to make the merchandise and copies of my books and DVD.

Also, I apologize for not getting back to your father on the website job; I have thought a lot about it after reading the details his secretary e-mailed to me. I feel that is beyond my html skills, I apologize for that. But he can go onto websites like monster.com and find resumes for people who have exceptional html skills and such.

Please foward that paragraph and my humble apologies and regards to him for me; I have misplaced his address.

I have more e-mails to check, so I'll TTYL.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tried to get it through his damn dirty skull====

{{Email|Hey Christian,

I think you may have misread the description. The HTML skills are
just something basic, to make sure that people are familiar with the
medium. They need someone to write articles. Specifically articles
about gaming and technology. They just increased the salary too
because they can't find anyone to do it. It's at the point where they
need someone pretty badly, if you have some specific time requirements
or whatever you can let them know, but they will be flexible with it.
Along the lines of 10 articles a month shouldn't be too difficult.
You really should talk to Marketa and my dad again *redacted*

Anyway, how is everything else? Good to hear about your copyright.
How did things work out with Kacee?

Later,
Regina.}}

====Chris mad====
{{EmailReply|Gaming and technology articles? I thought your father was working in Ceramics.

Kacey went and married the brown-striped impostor who pretended to be me; his YouTube name is [[CChanSonichuCWC]].}}

====Further attempts from Regina to offer a dream job====
{{Email|Wow, that really, really sucks. Some people have pretty bad judgment. Did she explain why? Don't be too upset, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes, my dad does make ceramics. But this is a NEW company. He is
trying to branch out into different areas to do with media and
technology because he is afraid that industrial products could one day
be all the domain of countries with poorer workforces. He wants to be
secure in the future and thinks getting into the tech industry is the
way to go. But they need someone who knows gaming and modern
technology AND is well spoken to kick off this first project. I guess
his assistant didn't explain it all too well.}}

Chris of course, ignored her. Proving that he couldn't care less about getting off the [[tugboat]].

====Regina resumes contact...====
{{Email|Anye new and fascinating news?

I bought a PSP. It is great for those stopovers on my flights to the
Czech Republic.}}

====And opens the floodgates of boring conversation====
{{EmailReply|That's neat; which model is it, because if it is a 2000, 3000 or [[PSP]] Go, you and I can talk to each other over Skype between our PSPs; ORIGINAL 1000 models are not [[Wikipedia:Skype|Skype]]-Capable.

Also, I have been busy with my Sonichu stuff; I've just drew 4 pages and answered a bunch of fanmail on the [[Cwcipedia]]. But I am safe and well, thank you. :)

What do you say to setting up a dinner-date between you and me one day next week? This time, I'll come and pick you up, and I'll bring you back home on time safe.

I'll TTYL, XOXOXO,
Christian.}}

====Regina dodges the would-be gropefest...====
{{Email|It is the PSP 3000 slim and bright or whatever it is called. I need to find some good games for it.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy. Me too. My studies are driving me
overboard. I think I will go nuts. I have had to reach out and help
my dad too since his new enterprise is going nowhere.

I really don't think a dinner date is a good idea given my total work
overload. Sorry to say it's email for now!

What else is new?}}

====And gets even more bored with answers to questions nobody asked====
{{EmailReply|One good place to look for a start is in the Playstation Store on the [[Playstation Network]]. This can be done on your [[PC]] or even on your [[PSP]]. If you haven't done so yet, you can create an account for yourself on your PSP, and download the most current version of MediaGo onto your PC from http://store.playstation.com. You can browse the store for downloadable games, demos and videos. Some content requires a one-time purchase; you may use your debit/credit card, or you may go to the local [[Best Buy]], Sam's Club or GameStop and buy some PSN Cards with increments of 10, 20 or 50 dollars. Should you decide to use a debit/credit card directly, be warned that there will be an additional dollar put on hold for a while to verify the card. Funds can be added under "Account Management" on your PSP, or on MediaGo, under "Transaction Management" then "Transfer Funds" There, you can add increments of 5, 10, 20, 50 or even the maximum limit of the grand total in the PSN wallet of 150. And if you don't have enough in the virtual wallet, you will be prompted to add the difference from your card at checkout. There are games Exclusively for Download Only from the Playstation Store, so feel free to read all the details for each title. They even have PSOne classics playable on both Playstation 3 and PSP.

I also highly reccomend investing in a 16 GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, which is available at Best Buy or Wal-Mart, which at average is currently priced at around $100.

And, of course, GameStop is a drive-to destination for reccomended PSP UMD titles, which works for you since you have a PSP with a UMD drive (versus the PSP Go which does not have a UMD drive).

I have been a loyal PSN account holder and customer since I bought my PS3 back in March, [[2007]].

But I digress. I am safe and well, thank you. :) I am still hanging with my family and working on [[Sonichu]]. BTW, I am currently looking for people to video-interview (to be uploaded onto my YouTube) for their views on Sonichu and expanding business-wise with merchandise and such. If you have some friends who know Sonichu from my Cwcipedia, please ask them for me if they will volunteer their time. I would appreciate it very much. And your opinions count too, and if you are willing to volunteer yourself, I would appreciate that too.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Christian.}}

====Regina tries to be helpful====
{{Email|Hey!

That's pretty interesting. I talked to a few friends and contacts who
knew about Sonichu (I never realised how widespread it was, I thought
it was a bit more underground) and I have come up with about 10 (maybe
more) people who are all very keen on being interviewed. How many
people are you willing to accept? How much knowledge of Sonichu do
they have to have and do they need a webcam or is audio enough? Will
you be doing these interviews over Skype? I don't think I will have
time for an interview myself but what should I tell all these
interested parties?

ČAU!!!!
Regina}}

====Chris promptly tries to get others to do the work for him====
{{EmailReply|Please reply right after you read this. I would prefer in-person interviews with each one with me and my digital camera. Perhaps we can setup the on-the-street interviews for Wednesday or Thursday; I have a deadline of Friday for the full video. I would like to meet at the Downtown Mall by the old fountain (next to the Paramount Theatere) at about 3:00 PM, but please let me know which day is more agreeable between all the volunteers. Thank you soo much, Regina.

If you can find some free time, I'll gladly accept a video MP4 file of you sharing your opinions and thoughts on Sonichu expanding into the merchandise and all. You can film it, upload the file onto a Upload Site Server, send me the link to the video, and I'll download it to be added into the final video.

I'll TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}
====Chris is afraid of a little rain====
{{EmailReply|Just to let you know, the filming will have to be on Thursday since it is raining today. As an alternative, your friends may film their opinions and views on Sonichu in Merchandise, upload their files onto an upload server site and send me the links (preferably all links through you to me, so all of the links can be in one message).

Thank you again for your help.
Stay Safe, Cau,
Christian.}}

====???====
{{Email|Ok, I think most, if not all, will have to use the alternative. I just got this message and the other one. Most of the people who want to be filmed don't live in your area, so coming to the mall is out of the question for them. SO you want them to just give their opinions or should I refer them to you to be interviewed via some online method?}}

====Chris still doesn't really give a shit if people aren't doing something for him====
{{EmailReply|I see, please let me know how many of them do live in the area. And please let those in other states know to make the videos of their opinions. I apologize for the inconvience, but their input will be most valued.

To change the subject a bit, are you planning on flying back to your family during the Holiday break? For me, it'll be another stay-at-home with my family thing for me; simple and good.

TTYL,
Cau,
Christian.}}

====Some helpful advice that promptly gets ignored====
{{Email|Hey!

If I could make a bit of a recommendation, companies being pitched a
new product like to be shown the potential for expansion outside the
original fanbase. You should make a large survey of people who are
not familiar with Sonichu so that you can demonstrate how it can be
put into new households. They know that your current fans will buy it
but they need to be shown that it can pick up new buyers. Basic rule
of industry is that if you can't expand, then you should abandon the
project for something that will, otherwise it won't make money.

You should start polling strangers about Sonichu and offer them
something for their time, like a cookie or whatever.

See you later!
Regina}}
End of contact.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:E-mails]]
{{emails}}

4-cent garbage.com

2011-06-13T22:44:29Z

Mrpickles:

{{DISPLAYTITLE:4-cent_garbage.com}}
[[Image:4-cent garbage.png|thumb|INTERNET AUTISTIC HATE MACHINE]]
'''4-cent_garbage''' is [[Chris]]'s representation of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[4chan]]. Since he blames ED for [[Megan Saga|breaking up the closest thing to a relationship that he ever had]], he must naturally demonize it in his comics.

In the comics, it is depicted as a business based in a large 72 floor office building in which several hundred [[Trolls|employees]] work. Apparently, the business runs both a website and a magazine, the contents of which are unclear. The website seems to be analogous to the real life ED, having several articles on existing people, or at least mentioning them<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_30</ref> and a huge load of dickgirl images which are uploaded nearly constantly.

Jason's final speech in [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], as well as Chris's ramblings in the Time Void, seem to indicate that any percieved inaccuracies in the articles or images hosted on the site are deliberate attempts to slander Chris and his Sonichus.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_31</ref> Why exactly Jason would wish to do this or [[Chris and his Ego#Persecution complex|why he has chosen to target Chris]] is never addressed, but his presence at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] meeting in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]] seem to suggest that the company and all of its employees are a part of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s secret trolling cabal.

It is worth noting that this is the closest Chris has ever made it to creating an actual [[parody]].

==Inspiration==
In [[2007]], while innocently stroking his [[ego]], Chris discovered [[ED]]'s page satirizing him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. What really [[Family Guy|ground his gears]] about the page was the "fan art" of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle|penis]]. Beginning 10 November 2007, Chris embarked on a quest to [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|make the website less scathing]] by uploading hideously drawn [[Rule 34]] of his little abominations (and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]), along with the infamous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] to his page.

How Chris first encountered 4chan is less clear. An [[White knight e-mails#November 2007 .E2.80.94 ED alert|e-mail from a white knight]] on 5 November 2007 attempted to alert him to the ED page, and referred to the article as being created and written by the same people making fun of Chris on 4chan's /v/ board. Whether he paid any attention to the message or not, what is known is that on [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#November 2007|12 November 2007]], Chris first acknowledged 4chan when he made another edit to the "Chris-chan" article:

{{quote|Christian Weston Chandler would like [[ED]] and [[4chan]] to know the following: '''I will continue to Shove The True Facts From My Heart and Soul Down Your Throats, only until you take this WHOLE PAGE Down For Good.'''}}

From this, it can be reasonably assumed that Chris discovered 4chan and ED around the same time, and that he considered the them to be essentially one and the same. Chris would continue his Sisyphean edit war against ED well into 2008, but ultimately, all he succeeded in doing was alienating [[Megan Schroeder]].

By August 2008, Chris was finishing [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], and he apparently felt the need to address these recent developments in the pages of his comic. Issue #7 opened with Megan as a supporting character in the story, but with the [[Megan Emails, 2008#Megan asks Chris to leave her alone again.2C attempts to talk sense into him|real Megan wanting nothing more to do with Chris]], he decided to write her out of the story. As for ED and 4chan, Chris would lump these two concepts together and dub them "4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com." The name is a slight mystery, because underscores (_) are not permitted in Internet domain names.

==Introduction: ''Sonichu'' #7==
''Sonichu'' #7 was the first issue of the series to be influenced by Chris's interactions with online [[trolls]]. While Chris didn't finish the comic until 20 August 2008, the events of the issue are all set in 2 November 2007, one day before the ED article was created. Just as past issues of ''Sonichu'' were very loosely based on Chris's real life, he must have wanted to acknowledge the conflict with ED/4chan and his estrangement from Megan in #7. But all of that happened ''after'' 2 November 2007.

Chris's solution was the [[Time Void]]; a poorly-defined realm where Chris's character would be trapped for the next two issues. While stranded in the Time Void, Chris would somehow experience events going on in his real life while the fictional events in the comics unfolded without him. Upon entering the Time Void, Chris found himself assaulted by "random...new memories...popping in...my head!" These were memories of things that happened after 2 November 2007, so Chris was essentially using the Time Void to "remember" the future. Along with fictional events like the [[Sonichu 9|Battle of CWCville]], Chris also experienced "memories" of [[Joshua Martinez]] setting him up with "[[Lori Lopez]]", and Megan "dumping" him via [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|e-mail]].

{{quote|Dumping me? But why?!! 4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com? Mocking me? Slanderous Filth?!!! A drawing of me and [[Retcons|Meg-Chan]]... Intimate? And I drew that?!! She dumped me over that? Oh... that hurts! Still. Curse your 4-cent garbage!|Chris first mentions 4-cent_garbage in the Time Void|''Sonichu'' #7}}

It became clear from this scene that once Chris escaped from the Time Void, he would do battle with 4-cent_Garbage as a proxy for ED and 4chan, just as he had battled [[Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] as proxies for those who interfered with his [[Love Quest]].

==Conflict with Sonichu and Rosechu: ''Sonichu'' #8==
[[Image:4-CENT-GARBAGE.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and his super cool pals in front of the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters]]
In the first part of ''Sonichu'' #8, "Rage Against the Garbage", 4-cent_garbage was formally introduced as a villainous organization dedicated to slandering people for the sake of amusement. Rosechu discovers the site on 3 November, 2007, which just happens to be the date that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] created the "Chris-chan" article on ED. The site's content includes a page that slanders Sonichu, Chris, and her, along with "lifelike" drawings of Rosechu with a [[pickle]]. While Sonichu is overcome with the [[stress]] of seeing his mate depicted with a penis, Rosechu decides to fight fire with fire by editing the site, just as Chris had tried in real life. She crawls into her [[April 16 Fetish Vids|dirty, mildew-laden bathroom]] and takes pictures of herself in the [[Nudes|nude]], and then uploads them onto the 4-cent website. However 4-cent_garbage simply adds more dickgirl pictures, and she realizes that her plan will never work.

Instead, she travels with [[Sonichu]] and [[Wild]] to 4-cent_garbage's headquarters in Clarksville Tennessee, to confront the leader of the organization. While Wild sneaks into the building in search of one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], Sonichu and Rosechu take the elevator to the top floor, and meet [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and his "womanslave" [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], who had previously cameoed in issue #7. The meeting is civil at first, but when Jason refuses to take down the "Chris-chan" page, Sonichu tries to fight him, and loses. Rosechu fares better as [[The Incredible Lioness]], having [[Chris and the law|inflicted wounds that would have killed a normal man]] in fact, but the page remains up, and their mission is ultimately a failure.

==The Fall of 4-cent_garbage: ''Sonichu'' #10==
[[File:Jason's Hexbox.jpg|thumb|Jason plots against Chris with his [[HEXBox]].]]
Upon Chris's return from the Time Void on 9 [[August 2007]], he immediately coordinates an attack on the 4-cent_garbage HQ, ordering Sonichu, Wild, [[Black Sonichu]], [[Punchy Sonichu]], and [[Son-Chu]] to meet him in front of the building. Chris arrives first as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and Jason and [[Beel]] lay a trap for him and try to steal his [[medallion]]. However, Chris discovers that the TRUE AND HONEST source of his Anchuent powers is his [[high school ring]], which he uses to retrieve the Medallion and free himself.

Later, when Chris's allies arrive, he orders Son-Chu to transform into a sound stage for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]. Using the [[Gitar of Fail]], Chris then leads the band in a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]], and the intense power of their music begins to shake the building apart. Inside, Jason converts his throne into an escape pod, and flees with Kathleen, leaving the others behind. Jason declares that he is retiring from trolling, in order to settle down with Kathleen and live a normal life. Chris also takes the time to use Jason as a mouthpiece to condemn [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for "slandering and torturing and innocent man", [[Hypocrisy|even though that was what Jason was supposedly doing not two issues ago]]. Beel meanwhile decides to take shelter in the basement, explaining that he could not be killed and would simply be reassigned to [[Count Graduon]] once the building was destroyed, and Clyde and Jack, alone on the top floor and with no way out, choose to commit suicide by leaping down the elevator shaft together just as the building collapses, refusing to let themselves be killed by Chris.

[[Terrorism|The building then gives way and collapses, with 1500 people still alive inside.]]

[[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]] reports that of the 1500 people who were in the building...
*500 were "[[Chris and reality|prefectly [sic] unharmed]]".
*250 were too drunk to escape on their own.
:*125 of these drunk trolls managed to get out alive with help from sober trolls.
:*125 of the drunk trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*125 sober trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*250 others were injured.
*150 others were "safe but hurt".
*100 were killed.

[[Honor Roll|Note that this only accounts for 1,375 people.]]

Despite having just destroyed a building and killed between 100-350 innocent people, Chris then calls for the ambulances himself whilst he and his team of recolors help to rescue the survivors that they themselves had nearly killed. Afterwards, Chris then [[Chris and remorse|weeps for the victims of his own mass murder]], whilst also maintaining that it was [[Chris and his Ego|the trolls' faults they were killed, because they made fun of him on the internet]].

Supposedly, destroying 4-cent_garbage's headquarters disabled its website as well, along with Encylcopedia Dramatica's website, such that both sites' data was irrevocably lost, and neither would ever be restored.

==The 4-cent_garbage building==
4-cent_garbage appears to be a multimedia operation, with a website and a print magazine operated from a brick-and-mortar building in Clarksville, Tennessee. The location of the building is probably intended to refer to where the real Jason lives, or at least where Chris ''thinks'' he lives.

The 4-cent_garbage building is 72 stories tall (66+6, as described by [[Beel]]), and the interior is painted bright red to resemble [[CWCville|Hell]]. On the ground floor, Beel sits at the receptionist desk and directs visitors to an elevator on the far side of the atrium. Employees are seen on several higher floors drinking an alcoholic beverage called "[[Reeb]]", and passing out on the floor when their shift is over. Their work seems to involve sitting at computer terminals, uploading and editing images of Chris and his characters.

On the 72nd floor, Jason Kendrick Howell holds court with his womanslave Kathleen at his side. It is unknown where Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus were stationed in the building, or what their jobs were before the building's destruction.

Security in the building was incredibly lax. [[Wild Sonichu]] turned invisible to sneak into the upper floors in search of a [[Sonichu Ball]], only to find it left on a desk. Once he took the ball, his invisibility wore off, but he was still able to slip back out of the building unnoticed.

===The elevator gags===
[[Image:SchuRchuReactions1.jpg|thumb|Planning? In MY ''Sonichu''? It's less likely than you think.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-B.jpg|thumb|What is this, I don't even.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|thumb|That's right, the entire White House is on the 51st floor.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg|thumb|Chris's favorite pictures from ED.]]
A large part of "Rage Against the Garbage" features Sonichu and Rosechu exploring different floors in the 4-cent_garbage Building. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at so many different floors to look around at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever is depicted, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason.

This appears to have been one of Chris's attempts to employ some of his trademark [[random-access humor]], by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not. In some strange attempt at foreshadowing, Chris located these images on ED and then put them on his user page while he was still trying to edit the site.

{{quote|You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough. |Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in ''Sonichu'' #8.}}

Whatever his reasons, Chris seemed to believe that using images from ED in one of his comics would somehow be a big deal. The floors used in the comic are listed below, along with a description of what Chris put on each one.

*2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent_garbage.com employees passed out drunk at their workstations. When the one of them recovers from his hangover and gets up, he relieves the only other conscious employee of his shift and takes over. The relieved guard then drinks a can of "[[Alcohol|Reeb]]" and passes out on the floor like the others, while Sonichu and Rosechu look on from the elevator and [[sigh]].
*3rd floor: [[Pedofork|Pedobear]] in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
*4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "[http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Sonicrocksmysocks Sonicrocksmysocks]", from the ED article of the same name.
*7th floor: A 4-cent_garbage.com employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
*8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent_garbage.com employee working on a picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
*9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu sucking Rosechu's penis.
*10th floor: Chris emerges from the [[Time Void]] to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
*11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Branca Branca], a batshit insane fan of the animated band The Gorillaz. Sonichu considers it to be sad.
*12th floor: Fan art of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu [[naïve|naïvely]] wonders when he became so popular.
*13th floor: Female versions of [[Sonic]], Tails and Knuckles. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
*14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
*21st floor: [[Wikipedia:The Bathers (Cézanne)|''Les Grandes Baigneuses'']] an 1887 painting by [[Wikipedia:Paul Cézanne|Paul Cézanne]]. ED has a copy of the image which has been edited with captions to reference the "Branca" article on ED.
*22nd floor: ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
*23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asscheeks, as if for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's ''[[Pokémon]]'' article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
*24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
*33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's ''[[Transformers]]'' page.
*34th floor: [[Sonic]]/[[Amy Rose]] Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position very similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu earlier in the issue..
*35th floor: Nude artwork of [[Amy Rose]], Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Rabbit. Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
*36th floor: Strip poker game featuring various female characters from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]''. The image has been adapted into a parody of a ''Magic: The Gathering'' Card.
*51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton, looking on while [[Barack Obama]] paints the walls black. [[George W. Bush]] cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father [[Bob Chandler]] came up with this "joke." Recall that this story is set in the fall of ''[[2007]]'', so the joke really makes no sense for that year.
*61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from ''Animaniacs''.
*62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from ''[[Family Guy]]''.
*63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Starmie, from ''[[Pokémon]]''. Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
*69th floor: Image of "XBOX 360-ko", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the XBox 360. As the following floor features an Xbox 360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women.
*70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an Xbox 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women.
*71st floor: [[PS3]] message congratulating whoever murdered the HEXBox. It states that you may "now play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single Xbox somehow interfered with such activity.

Note that it is never addressed whether or not the images such as the Rule 34 depicted here are really just drawings on a computer or poster in the building, or if they have a physical presence. However, the fact that Sonichu cheers on [[Sonic]] as he has sex with [[Amy Rose]] suggests that they are really there.

===Business and Staff===
{{quote|I am a troll with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance. The page will stay up; this meeting is over!|Jason Kendrick Howell, responding to Sonichu's request to remove the "Chris-chan" page, ''Sonichu'' #8}}

4-cent_garbage does not appear to have any clear marketing objective. While this may seem like an oversight on Chris's part, it may well be a genuine commentary on the pointlessness of 4chan and ED's activities. While most people would consider them to be entertainment sites, with no other purpose than to provide humor or diversion, Chris obviously doesn't find them funny, and so he depicted 4-cent_garbage as a tower of bullies, mass-producing cruelty for its own sake. In the comic, Jason says his only goal in life is to hurt as many people as he can before he dies. While he may have only been speaking for himself, this seems to be the ''raison d'être'' for everyone else who works there.

In ''Sonichu'' #10, Beel explains that "this trolling gig is my hell", suggesting that he has been condemned to work there, possibly because he had once been "main assistant to Adolf Hitler". Unable to die, Beel would simply be damned to serve yet another villain, [[Count Graduon]], once the 4-cent_garbage building was destroyed.

While [[Clyde Cash]] had been previously depicted in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]] as an agent of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], he also appears in ''Sonichu'' #10 supporting 4-cent_garbage. Though confusing in some respects, especially concerning the canonicity of the Sonichu Specials, this dual role may not be a complete contradiction, as the exact relationship between 4-cent_garbage and [[PVCC]] is never explained.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]
*[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]]
*[[Beel]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[The Incredible Lioness]]
*[[Revive Zordon]]
*[[Twin Falling Towers]]
*[[Chris and death]]

== External links ==
*[http://www.4chan.org/ 4chan] - A *chan imageboard and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's name.
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.org/ Encyclopedia Dramatica] - An internet satire wiki and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's role in the comics (now redirects to its successor site, Oh Internet!).
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/ archive] of the old ED site.
*[http://789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/] - Another *chan imageboard which sometimes adopts the name 4-cent_garbage in reference to the comics.

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Magical Man Potion

2011-06-12T03:11:01Z

Mrpickles:

'''Magical Man Potion''' is a video released 24 [[February 2010]]. In it, Chris acts out a skit in which he is a mad scientist creating a [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta:_Semen_Flavor|vile potion]] that transforms him into a different person, who is portrayed by a [[Magical Man|mysterious guest]] visiting his home. Whether the concept was that the potion makes Chris more handsome, or if it's simply that being anybody but Chris is automatically an improvement, is unclear. That a plotline in ''[[Asperchu]]'' involving similar themes emerged shortly after this video was made is certainly no coincidence.

This video is notable in that it is the first time a person not related to Chris has appeared in one of his videos. Previously the only known humans/animals who have ever breached the sanctum of [[Chris's room]] during a video were [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Kitty Chandler|Kitty]]. Chris clearly could not be assed to hide his sex toys when he had company over, as the [[Plush Breasts|Plush Breasts of Fail]] once again make an appearance.

Chris appears [[Chris and health|thinner]] than usual in this video as the camera was set to [[Wikipedia:Aspect_ratio_(image)#16:9_standard|the 16:9 widescreen format]], but the video was squished into [[Wikipedia:Aspect_ratio_(image)#4:3 standard|4:3]] at some point prior to upload.

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Magical Man Potion
| image = {{#ev:youtube|h-p5WRN0-f4}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 24 [[February 2010]]
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter =
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy, {{Comedy}} Comedy
| Shirt = [[image:Orangeshirt.png]] Orange
| Saga = N/A
| previous = [[Christian Love Day (video)]]
| next = [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans]]
}} </center>

{{quote|I wonder where a guy like me could go to get a little action?}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris mixes various liquids together through the first part of this video. There are quite a few jump cuts as he mixes his "concoction".'']

'''Chris:''' Mhaaha haah hah hah ha ha [''camera skip''] ha hah aha ahah. We are going to make a concoction today uh uh uh ababenerch and a little [[Yawning Squirtle|squ-wirt]],... let's mix'er well AH AH HA ha ha HA. Furry.

[''Chris drinks the concoction'']

'''Chris:''' It's not bad.

[''Chris makes a series of gasping and coughing noises, posing dramatically all the while, before ducking behind a table. There is a camera transition, and an unknown man wearing the [[Asperchu medallion]] emerges.'']

'''Unknown:''' WhoAh wow that's... not bad actually. Feeling pretty good, feeling a little anxious, frisky. I wonder where a guy like me could go to get a little action? You know... I betcha I know I just... Ahhrrr, Oh Go- ... I need to work... on-

[''The unknown man makes a series of coughing and gagging noises, before ducking down once again. There is another camera transition, and Chris emerges.'']

'''Chris:''' Urhh urrhggg ahh. I need to work on the time length. To be continuuuued!

==See also==
*[[Fanta|Man Potion]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Christian Love Day (video)]]|nextlink=[[PS3 Tutorial for my fans]]|}}

{{videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2010| 2010-02-24]]

Kacey Call 4

2011-06-10T21:33:19Z

Mrpickles:

28 [[August 2009]]

==Highlights==
KACEY: "In other cultures, you would not survive."

*Chris begins the call by asking [[Kacey]] if she has an STD.
*Kacey received a lot of awards during her high school graduation, Chris is jealous.
*Chris suggests talking about political issues even though he has nothing to say about political issues.
*Kacey asks Chris about things she found on the [[ED]] page.
*Chris totally doesn't drink [[cum]] anymore.
*Chris totally doesn't [[shit]] himself anymore.
*Chris totally isn't gullible anymore.
*Chris lies and says the last time he shat himself was THREE YEARS AGO.
*Chris tries to explain why he has so many fucking [[video game]] accounts.
*Chris whines that he only gets 200 out of his 800 a month, and spends 150 on video games.
*Chris was going to call someone about getting a job, "but then stress happened."
*Chris used credit cards to buy thousands of video games, parents are paying the bills.
*Chris doesn't know why he got a [[CADD]] degree, "I feel more comfortable with drawing da [[comics]] than with da buildings and da computers."
*Chris is sending printed-out [[Sonichu]] comics to Marvel, DC and Dark Horse; thinks they will hire him because he's "very popular."
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]] caused all of his problems.
*Chris is capable of surviving, cooking and doing laundry.
*Chris can't look for a job on the internet because he "doesn't know what to put into a search term."
*Kacey says Sonichu is fanfiction, Chris says it's parody.
*Chris lies that he'll look for a job where he works 10 hours a week, Kacey wants him to work 20, eventually he says okay to shut her up.
*Kacey tells him not to wear his [[medallion]] to the [[job]] interview and not to draw on the applications; Chris sadly agrees that he won't.
*Chris thanks Kacey for yelling at him.

==Part 1==

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 4 Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|lPpXTESVwS0}}
| Stardate = 28 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 3]]
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}} </center>

 '''Chris:''' Hello-o?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi! It's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good. Um, how are you? Um, are you doing better?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm feeling better, thank you. I was waiting for you to call me.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you just said around 11 to 11:30, so I gave you a few extra, you know, minutes just in case.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Yeah, I know, that's cool. I appreciate that. But it's like, you know. Yeah, I mean- I mean no hurry, but I mean, like, you know. I was waiting for the pleasure of talking to you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, uh, thank you. [nervous laugh]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so uh, okay, let me go and get my main questions I had written down in my little notebook out of the way. Um...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, you have questions? Yeah, go ahead and ask them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, this is an important one. You don't have any STD's, do you?
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, why would you ask me that?! Of course I don't!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I'm sorry, I just-
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] I mean, you know I've only been with one person!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I just felt like I just had to ask anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' O...okay, that's just... WOW!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't up... [unintelligible] that wasn't a very good opening topic, I know, I'm sorry. It's just the first one I had on my thing here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well I hope the rest of the questions aren't that bad!
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, yeah well here, here, we'll do a 180 right here, um, yeah, let's, I think we talked about your education background a little bit, you, uh, you said you had honor roll grades back in high school?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, I was 4.0 all the way.
 '''Chris:''' Well that's good. Yeah, you got your diploma and all. Um, okay, did you, uh, ever get any, uh, awards? Um, like, you know right before graduation?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, yeah, like, um, I actually had a couple poems published, and um, I actually graduated with way more credits than I needed so I got a merit certificate.
 '''Chris:''' [enthralled] You got a merit certificate?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Tell me about that, what does that do for you?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, it just goes with your diploma, it just shows that you did way more than you needed to do - so, I got that, and you know, and I did like over 200 hours of community service, so, I got... It's just, it's just something that you... it doesn't really do anything, I mean, awards in high school are nothing, I mean, they don't really help you ever in your life.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, but it's like, you know the achievement, it just makes you feel better, you know, I wish I would've gotten an award for my creativity back in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I guess, but high school really doesn't do anything for you so it's not a big deal.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, it does a lot more than you, does a lot more than you think though, you know, I mean it, it's like, uh, it definitely readies you a little more for the adult life, that you're gonna be leaving high school FOR.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I mean nobody cares, they look at college all the time, college is way bigger of a deal.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a big deal. I hear that.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, so, any other questions?
 '''Chris:''' Well, okay well yeah, we'll move onto the next one... hmm... yeah... Oh yeah, um, what's yo... uh, you drew, you drew your original Kacey in green ink, uh, it's that like, uh, gel ink?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, yeah, it is a gel pen actually, it's just one of the pens I use... for work.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay, you generally use a green ink pen, oh, that's... that's interesting.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like to use different colors.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. [pause] All colors of the rainbow, right?
 '''Kacey:''' [laughs] Yeah, definitely.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, now there's my colorful gal.
 '''Kacey:''' [laughs] Well, Chris, remember, I'm just your friend.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, I'm just saying, you know, I'm just trying to be creati... be clever.
 '''Kacey:''' [laughs] Okay, well, um, keep going with questions.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, hmm, do you like Sudoku? Doin' those Sudoku puzzles in the paper?
 '''Kacey:''' No, I actually don't like Sudoku, I'm really big into logic puzzles but I've never gotten into Sudoku, I don't like it.
 '''Chris:''' Well that's too bad. It's more on logic though, I mean, you know, you basically just put one through nine in the one box, and then divide compared to the other boxes, the whole big nine box...
 '''Kacey:''' Right, I know what it is, I just don't like it.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, okay, well generally...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] I'm more of a science person than a math person.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, 'kay well you know you don't need math. I mean, it's like, okay, similarly you could do like Sudoku with like, the letters A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I. You could do letters A through I.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess, but I mean, I just really don't like it, so if we could move on to the next question, that'd be awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Well, okay. What's your favorite board game?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, my favorite board game? Um, I haven't really played any in a long time, actually, so I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, out of all the board games you've played?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, well the last thing I played was Catan.
 '''Chris:''' Catan? [Kacey: "Yes."] I've never heard of that one.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, you should look it up, you should Google it, it's a really awesome game.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, is that spelled with a K?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, no, it's C-A-T-A-N.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, KAY-tawn, okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Kuh-TAHN.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, alright... so my favorite board game yet... I got a little bit into Monopoly, but, I don't... yeah, I mean I can call it like my second favorite board game, um, [incoherent stammering] yeah, I guess, and plus, I mean, I have the original Sega Genesis cartridge, and you know, every once in a while I would play that, and I would beat the computer! [He seems proud of this.]
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay, cool... well, um, go ahead and keep going with the questions.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, well here's a fun one for you you might like. Did you have a favorite toy growing up?
 '''Kacey:''' A favorite toy? Um, yeah, my Easy-Bake Oven.
 '''Chris:''' Your Easy-Bake Oven?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I loved that Easy-Bake Oven.
 '''Chris:''' Hah. Yeah, I can understand... I can understand that. Hah. Make the little small things with the little light bulb, it's fun. Uh, my favorite toy is this little uh Fisher Price Transformer, it was like, you know, my first Transformer, so it's like, uh it's a little red indy racecar, that transforms into a robot, you actually gotta pop the guy's head in for the full transformation. [pause] So I was... yeah... yeah you'd have to see it to pretty much get it, but... I mean, if you look it up, look it up on the internet, I'm sure you can find pictures, yeah. It's a little- little red indy racecar.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Fisher Price... hmm... Oh and something else, I think, I feel like I can probably make you feel comfortable with, talkin' about, we can talk about some of your, uh, favorite pa- pa-litickal issues, or we can talk about your favorite episodes of House or The Office, and then uh, I'll just listen, and take it all in, and learn about you more as a friend, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, um, let's do polla... politic issues, why don't you start?
 '''Chris:''' Alright... heh... why don't I start. I mean, you know more about politics than I do... uh.... [pause, then frustrated sigh] I'm trying anyway, I'm trying to come up with a good political topic in my head right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, if you can't, I mean do you have any other questions?
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I just thought, you know... Okay, what's the most recent political thing that's, uh, you know, on your mind, now, at this point?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, probably health care, cause, you know, that's what I'm going to be doing.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, that's right, you're, uh, you're... [stammers] you're working towards getting your nurse degree. Out there.
 '''Kacey:''' Yup.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, um, we talked about that a little bit before... hmm... Yeah, let's see if I remember... yeah, I think you kind of agreed with me, with I said like, yeah... not everyone can afford healthcare, it's like you know... assist... and then yeah. Oh, yeah, you were... [Kacey starts talking over him]
 '''Kacey:''' Actually, Chris, I think you agreed with ME, because you didn't even know about reformed healthcare, you just knew about socialist healthcare.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, that's true, I did, I did agree with you. And then you kind of agreed with you know, when I was talking about- about my father and me going down to Tom Perriello's office, and then he brought that up... but yeah, I was like agreeing with him at the time as well, but - Yeah and then you, then when you talked, you kind of agreed with him a little bit too.
 '''Kacey:''' Right... well do you have any other questions? Cause there's something on my mind that I really need to - talk to you about.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! We could talk about that. What's up?
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, um, so you know all these trolls have been bothering me, right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So I was talking to my aunt about it, she's a nurse too, and...

==Part 2==
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfm03xCYBe8&feature=related|Kacey Call 4, Part 2]

 '''Kacey:''' ...you know she got really ''suspicious''. And, um, she Googled your name, and you know, some of the things that the trolls have been saying, I mean, I think they might be true, I mean what is, you know, it's disturbing, and it's making me really uneasy especially since, you know, you've said you - think about me to such a degree, and I mean, it's just like... I mean, I know you've talked about the ED site before, but I mean, is a lot of that true? Like, uh - why are you doing half those things in those videos? And, I thought you were anti-gay, and you're drinking your own cum?? It's gross! And it's just... it's bothering me!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay yeah, that is a whole bunch of skeletons... that is a whole bunch of skeletons in my closet.
 '''Kacey:''' But I mean, why would you do that?! Do they make you do that?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no... As for the uh... yeah... I pretty much volunteered myself to be doing that, cause it was like, you know, I considered it like recycling, so it's like, you know, I didn't have to lose it... and plus you know I read on the internet there was like health benefits [something unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' Health benefits of what, of doing that?!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' There's- there's- no real health benefits, those are all myths, I mean it doesn't help your hair, it doesn't help your nails, there's not enough protein in it. I mean, is that the whole reason you did it?
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, anyway, I've stopped... anyway, I've stopped doing that months ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Well that's GOOD, but, I mean, there's no point in doing it. I mean... I... I... I mean especially not if you were so anti-gay. I mean, it's just, I mean most people would see that and go, "Wow, this guy must be at least bisexual!"
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, okay yeah, I can definitely see it from your point of view and I understand. [sigh] Yeah, but I take it like... you know... I learn from my mistakes, and... yeah... I've grown to the understanding and whatnot. Um, anyway, mostly other stuff like you know the posts... and the videos, and me drawing, you know, drawin' on my dick, and pictures of that, yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay well, [Chris interjects saying "I was talking!"] Hey, no, no, let me go! Okay, another thing that really disturbed me is, apparently, you told these trolls that you, uh... That you shit yourself? I mean, what the hell, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [in an odd falsetto] Ehh, I prettty much... yeah... I mean, I'm more in control of my bowel movements nowadays, and yeah, I... I do that less.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I mean... you're just... you're 27, I mean.... Do you just not make it to the bathroom? [amused] ...Or, or what?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yeah, I just, I just don't make it to the bathroom quickly enough.
 '''Kacey:''' [incredulous] Wh... h-how do you not know? Your body... gives you... you know... it lets you KNOW that... something... it's like, I mean... Like when was the last time it happened if you're so in control?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, the last time it happened... yeah it was like three years ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Three years ago?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Well it said that it happened recently, so are these lies?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they're, yeah they, yeah I would say they are exaggerating those. If it happened recently those are lies.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay but- [Chris repeats 'the last time I' over and over] you've got to see that all this stuff is disturbing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah I can, I can, I can relate to that. I can understand how you feel. Yeah. I- I would be uneasy too if I was, if I wasn't myself and I was reading that, you know, about myself or... Yeah. Hm - oh yeah, most of the information they got on that ED page... [silence] It's like conned out of me, they conned out of me from pretending to be the past women I've talked to like Blanca... Weiss or uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay but you can't blame other people. I mean, those people aren't near you; you can't say that they made you give them those videos. I mean what- [Chris tries to interrupt] -were you thinking? I mean, this is why your parents are mad at you right now!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah plus I was more gullible back then. And I'm, [sheepish] I've been less gullible for the past few months. And now. [long silence] I've learned from my mistakes. I'm working on these things and I'm moving on from - I'm moving on and trying to put all that behind me. And plus, I've, I've got a responsible detective, uh, up in the FBI to take, to help, to help to towards the down-taking of the website and the downfall of the trolls.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, but still, Chris, I mean, Chris you need to understand this stuff is kind of disturbing, and I mean like, okay look, like - I mean, like stuff you ''do'' in real life. Like, if most people touched me as much as you did, I would've gone off with them, but I mean, I'm trying to be polite because I know you have difficulties, and I mean that you, like you say "slow-in-the-mind", but I mean, you've gotta understand you can't keep doing this shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand that... [pause] I understand that.
 '''Kacey:''' And besides, you keep saying that the cops don't care about things. I mean, you've really gotta let some of this stuff ''go''! I mean, I mean don't be slow-in-the-mind with that! I mean, if they don't care they're not- they're never gonna help you, and even just one lone detective isn't gonna be able to do anything!
 '''Chris:''' [long silence] Yeah... Yeah also I did go to Tom Periello a little about that and talk to him about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, what exactly is he gonna ''do''? [Talking over Chris] And I mean, I mean like, what about all your counselors at church? I mean, do they know all this? Do they know this stuff?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they know, yeah they, more or less, uh, know about what's been going on in the ED page, yeah. I mean ne- I mean, the people - I mean, between my pastor Elizabeth and… my pastoral counselor [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]], uh yeah, they're ashamed with the, the church and all that being… on the internet and being put on the ED page and being slandered around in that sense. [pause] And I mean, yeah, I've been relating with that as well, and... It's just one of the things I try not to think - that's just one of the bad pieces, that like you know. I mean, I'm not ignorant, I know about it, I understand it, I just can't- [Kacey interrupts here]
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, okay, there was a ''video'' of you humping a [[PlayStation 3]]! [laughing] What the ''hell''?
 '''Chris:''' [stammering] I was- I was blackmailed into that. By, uh…
 '''Kacey:''' But the - how were they blackmailing you? These people are on the internet! How are they blackmailing you? [Chris tries to interrupt] You - they - they're not going to do anything ''to'' you!
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, Kacey, yeah, this happened like a month ago but like… two months ago. About one- about over a… Yeah I'd say, yeah, closer to two months now. Uh, anyway yeah, this person [[Jack Thaddeus]] got hold of the majority of my [[PlayStation Network]] accounts, including my main- my main American one, my secondary American one, and my, and my import accounts, including my Japan, Hong Kong and Spain-
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] Wait wait wait, you were doing this over a PlayStation account? ''That's'' what all this was about?
 '''Chris:''' Not just one but the whole- but the, but the majority, a whole bunch of my accounts- [Kacey cuts him off]
 '''Kacey:''' It's [[List of Chris's games|'''video games''']]! It's - oh my gosh, you could've easily called them and they would've understood, I mean… It's video games, [Chris tries to interrupt] you were letting them get to you that bad over a video game?!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay - [Kacey cuts him off again]
 '''Kacey:''' '''Chris'''! Think about what you're ''doing''!
 '''Chris:''': Yeah, okay, okay Kacey. Before that- before I made- before th- that video happened, let me give you the - let me start from the beginning here.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no! You're- you did this for a video game? It doesn't matter what they did. These are nameless people behind a computer screen. They're not gonna do anything ''to'' you! Uh-h You did this- you're giving them all this stuff over a video game! [pause] I mean, you need to grow up!
 '''Chris:''' [moaning] Kacey, I'm- I'm- I'm talking Kacey, please. Uh, let me start from the beginning - Okay, Jack Thaddeus got hold of my Playstation Network accounts, and uh, then I tried - then I called up - like, called the American Playstation company, and uh, got both of my American accounts back but I was put on a one-month ban because they considered it like, gamesharing, and that was my- my third strike against me on that. And they're like, you know, next time it might be permanent.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, then cut your losses. Is it really worth it? Is it worth having this on the internet for the rest of your life over an account on a ''PS3''?
 '''Chris:''' [moaning again] Yeah, there's a- [sighs] You know, your may contain[?] more about how the accounts are linked, like you know, the PlayStation titles and the titles that go to - that can be copied to the PSP-
 '''Kacey:''' It doesn't matter, it's a video game! You cut your losses and you tell them "Fine, take it!" Then, I mean, then - it's not worth it!
 '''Chris:''': I put better than two thousand dollars on my main American account-
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, WHOA! You've spent two thousand dollars on video games!? Why would you EVER spend that much on video games? What did you get?!
 '''Chris:''' Plus, and plus this was over the course of like, two, three years.
 '''Kacey:''' [Talking over Chris] I haven't spent that much on video games in two to three years! [laughing]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ehh, I didn't have a girlfriend....
 '''Kacey:''' Even if it's two years, it's a thousand dollars a year! It doesn't matter if you have a girlfriend or not. That- that's insane! That's like those people who play Halo all the time. And they do nothing!
 '''Chris:''' [long pause before sigh] Anyway, getting back to- anyway, getting back to- getting back on track here. Yeah, I got my American accounts back. I had trouble tryin' to get back my Japan, and my Spain which those are important to me 'cause- [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' Why would you- why would you even have that many accounts? Isn't an American account just good enough? And, okay-

==Part 3==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkaS7XlDQR0&NR=1|Kacey Call 4, Part 3]

 '''Chris:''' [splutters incoherently as Kacey continues to talk] I like getting- I- you- Kacey, I like getting imports. [stress sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' How would they be able to get all of them? Okay, but why would they be able to get all of them at ONCE? I mean, did you make them all the same password? I mean, all those- okay, you can't have that many accounts, that's like fraud and stuff!
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Okay, well-
 '''Kacey:''' Just I mean- how did they- how did they get them?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, personally I had like, a multiple number of email addresses, and uh- multip- uh, different passwords for all of them. Uh, upon the reaching of that for Jack Thaddeus, I sh- I pretty much, uh- Kim, a- Kim asked me to uh, share the- uh, for me to share the inf- share my Playstation information with her, 'cause she has a Playstation 3 and-
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts, furious] Are you blaming Kim?! [Chris tries to talk] Are you saying it's Kim's fault?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I'm not- no, no, it's not Kim's fault, and she and I talked about this before. But anyway, she had to- I had told her the uh- the uh, information and the- the uh, the usernames and the passwords for the majority, and then she uh-
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, Chris, Chris? You know what, okay let's go back to something-
 '''Chris:''' Instead of my-
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, hey. Hey! HEY! CHRIS! [She shouts over him to get his attention] Let's go back to something. You said you spent over $2000. Okay. You are on an income, which taxpayers like myself, pay. How much do you spend on video games a WEEK?
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] I'm not sure.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. You can't even keep track of that. What gives you the right to take that money, and to spend $2000 of it on video games? Where- that- I mean, I can't even buy myself video games, so why should I pay for you to just spend your money on all this?
 '''Chris:''' Most of my income goes- goes towards my family. Uh, paying them a monthly rent of $250, they've gone twice [unintelligible] the bills...
 '''Kacey:''' [Talking over him] No, that doesn't matter! That doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what you pay like that.
 '''Chris:''' I pay- I, I only get like two- I only get like 200 out my 800 a MONTH.
 '''Kacey:''' Then WHY would you spend that much on games? That makes even LESS sense! I mean, okay, with these games that you spent so much money on, how much do you even PLAY them a week? How much do you even play them?
 '''Chris:''' [Long pause] On a near daily basis.
 '''Kacey:''' All of them? [Disbelieving] All 2000 dollars?
 '''Chris:''' [Pause] The majority of it, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I find that hard to believe. I mean, and even if you were, don't you think maybe, you should be- like, like you were talking about getting a job! Like, how are you gonna be able to do that, and playing all these games at once? You should be, uh, I mean, like have you even done anything MORE besides going to the Social Security office?
 '''Chris:''' [Pause, sigh] Yeah. I was gonna call Mr. Will yesterday and find out more about that working ticket, but unfortunately, uh, yeah- yeah, today is still Friday. I was gonna call him today, but then the [[stress]] happened yesterday, and I had to take the emotional day today. I just didn't feel up to making the call today, and-
 '''Kacey:''' Chris! Then how are you ever gonna work? How are you ever gonna work? You can't just have emotional days like that. I mean, you either work or you don't. I mean, you've gotta grow up a little!
 '''Chris:''' I n- I- I've been growing up! I've been growing up. It's just so mu- it's just a- a whole lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why your parents are mad at you! I can ''see'' why they're mad at you![Chris sighs deeply] I mean, do they even know you spent that much on video games? And that you just like- I- I- I'd- oh my gosh! [Chris sighs] I mean, I don't- I didn't want to go in to work today, and I went in! I didn't want to go to school today, and I went! And I mean, and I've been having problems with sinuses, and- I mean- come on!
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] I, I mean- I mean, if I did have a job, and all that, uh, so many complications. I, uh, when I got my Social Security at first- I was, at first I, you know, like, I think it was about-
 '''Kacey:''' [talks over him] Chris, Chris, if you-
 '''Chris:''' [keeps talking] Two thousand two or three-
 '''Kacey:''' -really only get 200 dollars a month, how did you GET all that money for those video games? Did you steal it?
 '''Chris:''' I get 800- for your information, no. For your information, I get 800 dollars a month.
 '''Kacey:''' No, but you said you only get- you just said you only get 200 out of it 'cause your parents TAKE the rest. I mean, so, how did you- I mean, that would have taken you a long time, and, and that's if you've never spent any other money on anything but video games. Where did you get that money?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I-
 '''Kacey:''' Be honest.
 '''Chris:''' It, it, it did come out of the, uh, remaining 200. I spend like 100, 150 out of that per month.
 '''Kacey:''' There's no way you could have mathematically have done that and only spent your 200 on video games. Where did you get the rest of that money, and please be honest with me.
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Uh, between credit car- between credit cards and- [Unintelligible, says something about his mother]
 '''Kacey:''' You have credit cards? Are they yours? [Gasps] You took your parents' credit cards for video games??
 '''Chris:''' No, no, not my parents', they were my own credit cards. I actually applied for those. They had my name on 'em.
 '''Kacey:''' Why would you ''do'' that? [Long pause] You- you don't have a-
 '''Chris:''' I'm a dreamer! (?)
 '''Kacey:''' No, that doesn't matter, but you need to be smart about it! You don't have a job! I mean, you've gotta be in so much debt!
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Yeah well, you know, but-
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how are you gonna get this family you want if you have all this debt? I mean, and how do you pay off the credit cards?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, fortunately my- my father and my mother have decided to help me out there. They're paying my credit card bills and I'm paying them back.
 '''Kacey:''' And you think they're gonna be there forever? You think they're always going to clean up after your mistakes?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I know they're not gonna clean up after my mistakes forever. And I- I'm not gonna make those mistakes again.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, Chris. This has given me a lot to think about.
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Well, if you want to talk-
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe if you just would've not tried to be so serious, like I asked, I mean just, you know, ba - but, I, you know, I had to get- I- this whole thing is just so suspicious.
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Eh- wait a minute, this whole thing?
 '''Kacey:''' Just everything! Everything that I- that I've been getting! In these emails! [Chris tries to talk] Everything my aunt found! [Chris sighs] Come on, don't act like you don't know what we're talking about. [Chris begins talking over her] You know that the trolls have been trolling me.
 '''Chris:''' I d- I do. I, I, I know, but - I know what we're talking about. I'm just processing it and remembering in my ''head''.
 '''Kacey:''' I know but I mean, you said you had a degree, right? So um, why aren't you doing anything with it? Like, when I get mine, I mean, I'm getting my PhD. I'm gonna be getting over $100,000 a year. What're YOU gonna be able to do? You've gotta THINK about that.
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Look, my father tol- my father enc- encouraged me to get the - to go to a - computer drafting and design degree, he encouraged me to go to college in the first place!
 '''Kacey:''' Then why aren't you using it?
 '''Chris:''' I mean - because I don't know! I don't know how. I, I mean- I don't- I, I, I, I...
 '''Kacey:''' You apply for a job that says you need this degree!
 '''Chris:''' I know I have the compu- a drafting and design degree and certificate, I've been taught that - I'd have to build buildings and whatever on the computer, about that- that-
 '''Kacey:''' So why don't you do that instead of making a resume that has Sonichu and Rosechu on it? I know they're in a very important part of your life, but you could actually go do something.
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] Because, I just, uh- I just feel more comfortable with drawing the comics and the cartoons, than I do with the, uh - with just the, uh - with just the buildings and the computers and whatnot.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well you know what? Well I feel a lot better drawing and doing, you know, singing and stuff than I do waitressing, but you know what? I have to be a productive member of society, and I have to go out and do my job every freaking day whether I rather be home talking to my friends, or going shopping, or doing whatever.
 '''Chris:''' [After a long pause] I see.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, my aunt has done factual independent research, and found out a lot of these things are true that she found out. On her own. [Chris sighs] I mean, you can't-
 '''Chris:''' [Trying to interrupt] I keep feeling-
 '''Kacey:''' -always blame everything with the trolls and ED.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I'll admit that, you know, some of the things in the ED are true, but you know, they just take it and they-
 '''Kacey:''' [Talking over Chris] Yes, I know that, I just told you they were!
 '''Chris:''' -but they warp it around! They sla- they make it worse. They're rewording it.
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, she has been able to verify this information in other places. I just said that it wasn't all ED.
 '''Chris:''' [Sigh] I... [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' You need to start taking responsibility! I mean, I don't think anyone I know wants to stay in their job the whole time but I mean, I mean don't you wanna be a productive member of society? Don't you want- don't you want to go through your own potential? Maybe Sonichu and Rosechu isn't doing it right now, maybe you need to get your foot in the door first.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm working on getting my foot in the door. I'm gonna buy a new co- I'm gonna buy new a printer/scanner/copier next week, I'm gonna print out-
 '''Kacey:''' For what? How is that gonna help you with your - with your CADD degree? How is that gonna help you utilize something that you went to school for?
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to print out copies of my number zero book and then some, to send to Marvel, Dark Horse, and Archie comics with my resume, so then Sonichu and Rosechu books could be actually made to get me paper-published, and the merchandise to follow, the video games and all that, so that I could get a (good job) (?) - [Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' What if that doesn't work? What's your safety net? What if that doesn't work? [Pause, Chris sighs] Chris, loo- look at Sonichu. It - it's not bad, but what if they don't like it? I mean, it's nothing like, you know, like any other comic books I've seen, and I mean, you - you hijack your own - your own comic and make it about you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that's true. But still, I mean, at least I have a worldwide fanbase, I'm very popular! I mean, that's even more than enough for any comic book company to uh, want to- want to accept me, and uh, let me work for them.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, even if you have a fanbase, you know, they have- they, they don't go- they just aren't gonna-

==Part 4==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kfg6dSTihk&NR=1|Kacey Call 4, Part 4]

 '''Kacey:''' ["hire you"] -off of your fanbase. I mean, especially if you don't have factual proof of how many there are. They're going to show it to, um, groups that they have that do this for a ''living'', and what happens if they don't like it? I mean, you need a backup plan. I can't believe you have a degree that's just sitting around gathering dust. You went to college! I mean, if I went to college, and just let my degree just sit there, and never got certified, or licensed... I mean what's the whole point? You- you've gotta do something with it.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah, maybe-
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you think that would make your parents proud?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my - I would like to make my parents proud. There's so many things in my life I'd like to do. As a matter of fact, you know, during the whole time, even- even while earning my degree, I never actually ''had'' - a job game plan - during that, during that time, and even after I got my degree, I just did not know where to go. Just like I, just like the uh- [Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' They have career centers at every college for that! [Chris tries to talk, Kacey continues] But then, no, which - you can't even contact now, because you freaking, uh, you got yourself an order where you can't even go there! I mean, they have counselors to help, and you screwed that over, over - this stupid stuff! H- how- how- why?!
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] [[Mary Lee Walsh]] got me very mad. She interrupted my early days of my [[sweetheart search]].
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, and now it's back to Mary Lee Walsh, it's not you, right?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I - you mean- you know- but the yeah, you know, that was the- [general stammering]
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you forgave her!
 '''Chris:''' I- I mean- I did forgive her, but still, that's what caused that portion of the thing. I'm just - going back to that for the one time just to reference. Just to reference.
 '''Kacey:''' Look, just because she didn't like how you were trying to get a girlfriend, does not equal you not being able to go on with your life.
 '''Chris:''' [long pause, sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' There are- there- I mean, okay, you, also, like let's - okay, you are on disability. The government has SO much for you. You could go to another college, and they would pay for most of it. They would - you know - they could help you so much, you just need to reach out! I mean, the only thing I'm looking at is that you're saying that - I mean, I just don't know. I mean, especially with you wanting to be a househusband, I mean is just - having sex and a girlfriend more important than having a job, than being a MAN? [Christian sighs.] In other cultures, you would not survive.
 '''Chris:''' I- I have the capabilities to survive. I have the capabilities-
 '''Kacey:''' [interjects] Then do it!
 '''Chris:''' -of cooking, I- I'm capable of being able to uh, do laundry, and, uh, and [[chores|all of that]].
 '''Kacey:''' No! That's not what I'm talking about. You have a degree. You need to use it.
 '''Chris:''' [LONG pause] I don't even know of any places around ''Charlottesville'' that are hiring for that sort of thing!
 '''Kacey:''' Why don't you look on them? Go on the internet?
 '''Chris:''' Even if- even though- even though my- even though Susan Hannifan at Piedmont, ehh, says that there are jobs like that around-
 '''Kacey:''' CHRIS.
 '''Chris:''' -Charlottesville, possibly available-
 '''Kacey:''' Chris. You have a-
 '''Chris:''' -even if I graduate-
 '''Kacey:''' You have a CADD degree! You can do work from home! I mean, what happens if you found a great job and it wasn't in Charlottesville? Would it really be that bad if you had to move out of your parents' house?
 '''Chris:''' [pause, pitiful sigh] I grew up in this house! It's like, you know, it's-
 '''Kacey:''' You're 27, you have to leave sometime! Are you waiting for your parents to DIE or something?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Kacey:''' Then what, you're just going to live there your whole life?
 '''Chris:''' [stammering] I- I just don't know - it's just for awhile, I mean, I have been feeling uncomfortable. And I just - have not found - I just don't- I- [voice climbs into a falsetto] so many things I need to GATHER in my head out of the whole lifetime, I just-
 '''Kacey:''' Okay - Chris. CHRIS.
 '''Chris:''' -and somebody needs to ''understand''.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris. Chris. You want me to be interested in you. But you're telling me right now that you want to live in your parents' house for the rest of your life? W- what?! And you think I'm gonna GO for that?
 '''Chris:''' No, I did not say that, I mean, I mean like, you know, if things got that, got that far, I mean, I would be happy to move in with YOU, if that was the case. But I- I'm just- [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' But you can't do something for yourself?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Yeah I just... Uh, so many things tied up with this one house, it- (?) [Kacey talks over him]
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, let's say that you did move in with me, what are you gonna do? Are you just gonna sit around and draw Sonichu and Rosechu, or are you gonna actually go out and do something?
 '''Chris:''' I would actually go out and do something.
 '''Kacey:''' W- why can't you do that first? Why can't you prove to me that first? [Chris sighs] I mean, what are you gonna do?
 '''Chris:''' [pause, sigh] Well... [sigh] I would go out, see if, see if I could find somebody who would hire me?
 '''Kacey:''' Well... I mean, I don't know why you don't just do that right now. I mean, we have the internet, that's so easy. What would- would- would you do?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Well, even when it comes to the internet, I don't know what to put into the search term. That just- that- [trails off unintelligibly]
 '''Kacey:''' Put in CADD! Put in your degree! [laughing] It's not that hard! Any... simpleton can figure it out!
 '''Chris:''' ...and then there are more details to where I just, couldn't, I- I just don't comprehend yet. [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, seriously. Y- you need to take this seriously. This is ridiculous.
 '''Chris:''' Y- Yes, it is ridiculous.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, maybe - I... I don't know what to say. I really don't. You're just giving me excuses why you don't need to productive. I mean, are you just gonna... you're just gonna sit around? I mean, you don't even know what kind of job you can get with a CADD degree, do you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is one- that is one problem, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I mean, it's- it's simple, you even said something like, buildings and stuff... I mean, come on! Why don't- why don't you research this? You could go to Wikipedia, for God's sakes, and find out what you can do with a CADD degree. [short pause] You just want to sit around and collect your [[tugboat]] for the rest of your life, don't you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I don't want to just sit around, and collect my tugboat... [trails off]
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done anything? It's been years since you've been in school.
 '''Chris:''' ...I, I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Kacey:''' It's been years since you've been in school.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I have been-
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't- why haven't you done anything yet? I mean, most people take a gap year, but that's... a... YEAR. ONE YEAR. Not... forever!
 '''Chris:''' [long pause] Yeah, you're right. [another pause] I've just- I've been feeling ''wayward''.
 '''Kacey:''' [pause] ...Wayward?
 '''Chris:''' [mumbles something] Yeah... lost. I didn't know what to DO.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you're gonna stay lost until you actually DO something! Or, you know what, try to go to a school that you're NOT banned from, and get a degree in something you really WANT to do. Why aren't you going into art or something?
 '''Chris:''' [long sigh]I didn't think of that when I first applied for a degree- (?)
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Why don't you do something now? I mean, I'm only one year younger than you, and I'm going to school now. I changed my major, it's not hard. And, you CAN get help. It's a lot harder for me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Some people have multiple degrees. I mean, look at me. I'm double-majoring AND minoring.
 '''Chris:''' ...Huh. ...Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you're not going to do anything. Just, something tells me you're just not.
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to do something! I just... I'm just... processing all this in my head, so then I can figure out, what to do. I mean, my current plan, is to, try to get myself published at Marvel, DC, or Dark Horse, or even-
 '''Kacey:''' You need to - just - Yeah, but you need a backup plan. Forget about that. Forget about that. You need to start by getting a job somewhere. I mean, okay. Okay, also, do you know why? Do it for Rosechu and Sonichu. 'Cause seriously - like, are they going to take you seriously when they see you've been out of work for a long time? Even starving artists do something. I mean, seriously, be a Fraggle (??) do SOMETHING. Most people in comics have an art degree anyway. [pause, Christian sighs] And besides, I mean, how far are you really going to GO? When you - made a character out of two copyrighted characters. And, your comics are FULL of things that are copyrighted. I mean, I know they're like private jokes and everything-
 '''Chris:''' [interrupts huffily] It's called- it's called a [[parody]].
 '''Kacey:''' It doesn't ''seem'' like a parody. [Christian sighs again.] A parody generally makes fun of things. Are you making fun of Sonic?
 '''Chris:''' No. ...I just, I'm just... I'm, I'm just accentuating on some of the things that I like!
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, but then, that's- that's a ''fan'' comic! That's not a comic, that is fan FICTION. [Chris sighs again] That's like Mary Sue shit!
 '''Chris:''' [uncomprehending] ...What?
 '''Kacey:''' You can't sell it! It's just fan fiction!
 '''Chris:''' [long pause, sigh, pause] ...I don't know. But anyway, I'm gonna try, anyway, anyway, uh, Plan A, I'm gonna try for, to get myself paper-published and, uh, all that. But yeah, Plan B I'll- I'll definitely take everything that we talked about into consideration. I, I'll Google Computer Aided Drafting and Design and see what I can get with that degree. Or even, I - because, you know, my family could not, because you know, we can't - my family could not afford to, uh, at this time, to even get me classes, even at University of Virginia, which is more expensive than ''Piedmont''.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, but you need permission from the original copyright holders to sell this! Like, you try to sell Sonichu and Rosechu, and Nintendo, and Sega and Konami are gonna be on your ass!
 '''Chris:''' [pause, sigh] I tried to get Nintendo to...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, didn't you think about that? You think they're not gonna see that?
 '''Chris:''' I thought- I thought about that, and I tried to- [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interjecting] Chris. CHRIS. These people have lawyers, and their job is to just go ''everywhere'' on the internet to find something they can sue over. I'm sur-

==Part 5==
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8T5qkoK1xM&NR=1|Kacey Call 4, Part 5]

 '''Kacey:''' -prised that they didn't FIND it already. ...And if they didn't find it already, how famous can Sonichu really be? 'Cause this is their job. Their JOB is to cause lawsuits.
 '''Chris:''' [long pause] Well they- they- if that was their job, they would have sued me ''years'' ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Then I guess, maybe, Sonichu isn't as big as you thought. I'm not trying to be mean, here. This is [[White Knights|tough love]], Chris. I mean... you've gotta do something. It's reality.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause] I know, I have to do something. ...I want to do something.
 '''Kacey:''' So, okay, then what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do tomorrow? What are you gonna do tomorrow then.
 '''Chris:''' I'll Google [computer jobs (?)] and - I'll Google CADD, and Charlottesville, and see what jobs are available around here. I- I- I'll leave a message for Mr. Will, and see if I can get a work ticket, on my, on my, degree. On my- [Kacey cuts him off]
 '''Kacey:''' Do you know what I want you to do tomorrow? Do you know what I want you to do? [Chris says something unintelligible] I want you to go out, and put out an application or two. Can you do that? Apply for Target, apply for McDonald's, do something. I want to know, and I want proof, that you are applying for something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I'll, I'll go apply for- I'll go apply, I'll go, I'll go out and apply for, look for some jobs, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' You'd better. I mean, even WalMart will hire anyone. Do WalMart.
 '''Chris:''' ...All right. I'll go for WalMart. [pause] But it - and also, you know, I still don't understand, how many, what my maximum hours a week are I can work for and keep my social security, because I know, that makes - I know I'm getting more a month than I could at any job like WalMart.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well.... [pause] You better apply for something, or else I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I- I'm definitely gonna... think on this. I mean, and it doesn't matter - if you don't go over certain hours, they'll do you part-time, and then it won't hurt yer tugboat. And you know what, even if you made less - couldn't- couldn't just the pride of knowing you accomplished something be enough? That's the kind of guy that girls want. Not someone who goes, "Oh, I could get more just sitting around doing nothing." And you could get benefits. I mean, come on, isn't that- isn't that worth it?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah. It is worth it. It, and it takes, it just took somebody - it took, it took somebody like you to, uh, make me realize, about the poten- about the, all that, and that's what- that's what I should be doing.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, there's tons of disabled people who work. I mean, you like Goodwill a lot, they help out people, and I'm sure they still get their quote-unquote "tugboats." And they're productive.
 '''Chris:''' [pause, sigh] Yeah. I'll go out- I'll go, I'll go, fill out some applications tomorrow, and, uh, like at WalMart and Target, and see if they'll, see if they'll hire me, you know. Even the, even the work, like, a maximum of like, ten hours a week. That's - I mean, I don't know if it's ten or fifteen hours maximum for, you know, not - yeh - I mean, I'll try for ten hours at first.
 '''Kacey:''' ...Okay.
 '''Chris:''' All right.
 '''Kacey:''' But I mean, if you can, if you can get up to twenty hours without hurting your tugboat, I want you to do the full twenty. I want you to really go gung-ho on this.
 '''Chris:''' If I can get- if I can get the full twenty I can go, I'll do that. But I'll, I'll start small with ten.
 '''Kacey:''' No. You need to ask for at least twenty. That's still part-time.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm. ...Yeah. All right. Well I mean, you know, when I apply with other people, I'll ask, I'll try to go, try to shoot for, like, ten. Just as a- just as a- like-
 '''Kacey:''' No, you put- you put ten to twenty then. At least put ten to twenty. But I want you to do twenty. You can't even just do that for me. That's like, nothing. That's like - even if you work four days a week, that's five hours.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I'll- I'll do it. I'll- I'll put in ten to twenty hours. And I'll still have, still have to talk to my social security people about uh, this as well.
 '''Kacey:''' I'm pretty sure you can get anywhere, you know, up to twenty hours. You can probably get that online.
 '''Chris:''' All right, I'll- I'll look into it online, and I'll, uh, on the application I'll put ten to twenty hours. On the application.
 '''Kacey:''' You'd better dress nice too, are you gonna dress nice for this? I mean, just in case?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I- I- I'll dress nice. I'll dress nice for the interview, yes. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Don't- don't wear your [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]].
 '''Chris:''' [softly, defeated] Okay, I'm not gonna wear my medallion.
 '''Kacey:''' I know that's a part of you, but that, that's not gonna be allowed. Like, I can't even wear necklaces, and I'm a girl.
 '''Chris:''' ...Hm.
 '''Kacey:''' That's like- that's like having piercings going to an interview, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And don't- don't draw on the applications!
 '''Chris:''' I will not draw on the applications.
 [long pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I- I just hope this is really sinking in. Because, I- I have a feeling you're not into this.
 '''Chris:''' It is- it is sinking in. I'm really going to do it.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, you should put twenty hours a week, because that's just the maximum. They're probably not going to give you that anyway, you'll probably end up with ten, but put twenty.
 '''Chris:''' I will put twenty. On the application.
 '''Kacey:''' Good, because it's gonna make you look a lot more serious, too.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I do need to be more serious. On that.
[pause] I'm going to do it.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to - I want to-
 '''Kacey:''' I hope so.
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to look for a job at uh, WalMart, and Target, and fill out applications... and I'm gonna work a maximum of twenty hours. I'm going to do this.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, good. That's good.
 '''Chris:''' ...Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes?
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Kacey:''' You're welcome.
 '''Chris:''' I want you to know that - if you, you know, even though it's tough love, it's all sinking in. It really is. I'm gonna- I'm gonna do it.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. I hope you do.
 '''Chris:''' And I hope you know, I appreciate you giving me- I appreciate you giving me the... tough love that I needed.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. ...Well, um, I've gotta go now, so. I hope this all sinks in, but I've really gotta go.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, all right. [hangs up]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?gnxpnop8l3ldp15 mp3 of phonecall]

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