CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

2010-11-25T01:12:19Z

Mysterious1034:

==Introduction==

New people are being initiated to the horrors of the world of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran [[Miscreant]] might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about everyone's favorite manchild.

==Questions and Answers==

; Is Chris a [[troll]]?
: No; the documentation on his entire life and testimony by real life people (including Chris [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile|himself]]) including [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|media reports]] [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|predating the Internet]] and no two [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|independent]] [[University_of_Virginia#UVA_student_on_Chris|accounts]] are way too complete for it to be an elaborate reverse-troll setup. If Chris is indeed faking this, somehow managing to fabricate an entire past, create [[Slideshow|hundreds of photos from his past]], control the media, get a huge number of people in on this, then he is the greatest troll and ''avant garde'' artist in history. However, [[Wikipedia:Occam's Razor|Occam's Razor]] would suggest that Chris is just REALLY STUPID and really believes the things he does and does stupid things for reasons he believes are logically sound.

; Why doesn't he just hire a prostitute?
: He wants [[love quest|TRUE and HONEST love]]. Prostitutes are expensive, and he wants a mothering companion. When prostitutes were sent to his house, Chris cried.<ref>[[Hooker incident]]</ref> Chris has also stated that he wouldn't hire a hooker out of fear of STDs.<ref>[[Mumble 4]]</ref> Though truth be told, Chris is cheap and odds are he'd find a crack whore too expensive. As to illustrate this point: it was discovered that he DID try to solicit the services of a prostitute by phone, but tried to get a discount by offering the chance of deflowering him and telling his life story; the prostitute hung up on him.<ref>[[Chris and sex|#Prostitution]]</ref>

; How can you get off taunting an [[autistic]] guy?
: We don't do it because he's autistic, but rather because he's a [[Niggos|racist]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[Homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and death|unsympathetic]], [[Bob Chandler|ungrateful]], [[Manchester High School#Graduation|jealous]], [[The GAMe PLACe|kid-scaring]] and [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|troll-feeding]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[Bagget|spitefully]] [[Kick the Autistic|antagonistic]] [[Parody|thief]] and an all-around [[fail|failure]] who wastes the hard-earned [[Monthly tugboat|tax money]] of average Americans on [[video games]] and [[sex toys]] while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities. Furthermore, he's someone who realizes he has a problem and what he does doesn't work but refuses to get help, even ignoring the help of [[white knights|well-meaning individuals]].

; Can he be helped? Should I try?
People have tried and have accomplished [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|nothing]]. See the "[[white knight]]" article for reasons for and against ''trying'' to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, you won't be able to do it. Seriously, consider [[Svenka]] - she posted pictures of the very [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] that would steal Chris's date, [[Emily]], months in advance of the plan, yet Chris still fell for it.

:For recorded attempts to help Chris, see [[White knight emails]].

; Is he seeing a psychiatrist?
: No. Chris is seeing a church counselor, [[Rocky]]. He refuses to get professional help because he refuses to spend money on something that's not video game-related and because he thinks [[GodJesus|God, Jesus]], and [[Wesley Mem|his church]] will help him pull through [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|much better]] than someone with actual psychiatric qualifications.

; Is he really [[Autism|autistic]]?
: This is debated, but the claim has never really been falsified. Some argue that he has [[autism|high-functioning autism]]; however, please note that "high-functioning autism" is an informal term with no actual medical significance to it (you won't find the term in any official publication by the American Psychiatric Association). Based on a cursory [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]] from [[2004]], his diagnosis was autism (DSM-IV 299.00).

; Does he have [[Asperger syndrome]]?
: Depends on what you define as "having" Asperger's. He has never been formally diagnosed as having Asperger syndrome, he has never claimed to have it, and in fact, he angrily rejects the label outright. However, it needs to be noted that "Asperger's" did not exist as a formally recognized diagnosis when Chris was diagnosed as "high-functioning autistic" as a child in the [[1980s]]. There is a very good case to be made that Chris would most likely be given the "Asperger's" label if he was a child today.

; Is he [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]]?
: Socially retarded, yes, mentally retarded, not quite. He somehow managed to graduate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]] and obtain a [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license]]. Chris does understand the consequences of his actions, has a consistent ethical system (albeit a warped, self-serving one), and recognizes what he's doing isn't working, yet he chooses to pin the blame on external forces or goes about his way anyways. The more likely answer to his perceived retardation is that he is just really, really stupid.

; Is he [[homos|gay]]?
: This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there's no consensus on this. He's certainly into women and [[Mass Debating|masturbating]] while thinking about women; on the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked, makes a practice of meditating upon [[Sailor Moon]] in order to keep himself straight, and [[semen|he drinks his own semen every time he masturbates]]. Most likely, Chris is either a) a homophobic straight guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he's an idiot, b) a homophobic bi-curious guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he personally has homoerotic fantasies that he desperately tries to suppress, or c) too immature to have a real sexual preference, so he ends up overdoing his straightness.

; Is he a furry?
: Definite maybe. He states that he does not consider himself one<ref>[[Sarah_Reveals_Herself#Chris_tries_to_leave|Chris admits to Sarah May that he is slightly turned on by Rosechu, though he maintains he is not a furry]]</ref>, though he admits to being turned on by [[Rosechu]] (not as much as a human female, natch), has drawn [[Rule 34]] artwork of his characters, and has depicted himself as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] having sex with a furry version of his ex-[[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. He is a furry in the sense that he clearly derives enjoyment from sexualized anthropomorphic animal characters, and personally identifies with a particular anthro character; he is not a furry in the sense that he does not participate in the wider furfag community. Lucky bastards.

; Is he a [[pedofork|pedophile]]?
: Probably not, but it's fun to imply otherwise. One of the few kind things [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] said about Chris in a [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|troll Q&A thread]] was that he probably wasn't a pedophile and that people are trying too hard with that. However, given that he [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|stares at a poster with a six-year-old anime girl on it to stay straight]], the fact that he got [[CWC's Second Message|furious]] when accused of being a pedophile (similarly to how he becomes hostile when being accused of being a [[homo]] or having [[Asperger's]]), and the fact that [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally jailbait engaging in sexual activity (and even by current [[Sonichu canon]], Rosechu was underage when she married Sonichu), there's an argument to be made. He also has stated he would like to lower his state's legal age of consent to 16, but this is more likely due to his inability to move past [[high school]] than latent pedophilia. In short, he's not a baby fucker but he'll play ball if grass is on the field.

; What does he smell like?
: According to [[Emily]], "rotten watermelons." According to [[Robert Simmons V]], a variant of the [[Colossal Chan|homeless person]] stank. According to field agents, body odor masked with gallons of [[Axe]]. Point is, [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|Chris smells awful]].

; What's the deal with [[Sonic]], anyway?
: He has always liked kids' games, and has won a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sega contest]] that allowed him to stock up on Sonic titles. Sonic appears to have certain qualities that attract autistic people more than other titles such as Mario.

; What's the deal with the shirts he always wears?
: Many of Chris's shirts were bought by [[Barbara|his mother]] from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.<ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref>

; What's the deal with the [[Shirt#Wrist_warmer|yellow thing]] on the back of the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] chain?
: It's a Wilson wrist warmer he wears because the chain irritates his skin<ref>Email from Chris posted in old PVCC thread 162
</ref> — probably due to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a common trait in [[autism]].

; Does Chris drink or do drugs?
: Chris is firmly against [[Tobacky|smoking]] and drug use. As far as [[Alcohol|drinking]] is concerned, Chris used to be against it as well, but in an ironic twist, video of him drinking a [[semen|salty]]-tasting [[Long Island Iced Tea]] recently surfaced, and it appears he's [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the alcohol ban]] in [[CWCville]], making him a waffler. Given this was self-serving, it should surprise no one. He has also been known to drink [[6 June 2010|Budweiser]] and [[100 2281|Kahlúa]].

; Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?
: It is best not to use these forums, as the former is closed to the public and the latter highly frowns upon using the forums as a base for trolling. Try [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] instead.

; Why doesn't Chris just lie and tell us he isn't a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] anymore?
: Because he's fucking stupid and besides, we'd see through it like all his other [[lies]].

; Where can I find the uncensored images from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]?
: [[Sonichu_8#The_uncensored_scenes|Here]], you sick fuck.

; Was [[Ivy]] imaginary?
: No.

; I'm a complete moron, and I keep reading on [[ED]] and [[YouTube]] that [[Ivy]] is his sex doll. Is this so?
: No. His [[Sex toys|sex dolls]] are [[Kimmi]], [[Officer Nasty]], Booty-Licious and Yumi. Kimmi has acted as a prop representing Ivy in some videos - hence the confusion - but Ivy is most definitely real and was in contact with Chris. Disregard anything you read on either ED or YouTube. The [[CWCki]] is the only [[TRUE and HONEST]] source for Chris-related material.

; I want to email Chris and pretend to be [[Megan]]/[[Jimmy Hill]]/[[Jesus]]/[[Michael Snyder]]. Can I have his email?
: It's ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com. But srsly, Chris doesn't read his e-mails.

; What's this about Chris hating [[Harry Potter]]?
: As Chris mentions [[Mailbag_7#Harry Potter: total spaz|here]] and [[Mumble 2|here]], Chris pretty much hated it since it was "competition" for [[Pokémon]]. However, he did own a PSone Harry Potter game, and his stance softened under [[Jackie]]'s influence.

; What's this about Jimmy Hill?
: [[Jimmy Hill]] was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sycophant Squad (SASS), but disintegrated in [[November 2008]] at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his [[Sonichu]] character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This is one of very few recorded examples of Chris realizing that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it. Despite this, he still has a grudge against Jimmy Hill, leaving him in the final version of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] from [[December 2009]].

: Of note, Jimmy Hill passed the "rights" to Sonichu in Europe to [[Liquid Chris|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].

; Why does Chris call his welfare check a "[[monthly tugboat]]"?
: Basically, it's a very weird contortion of the phrase "Our ship has come in," referring to a fortuitous event. Whereas winning the lottery is like a large cruise ship coming in, for Chris, getting $809 a month for sitting on his ass is like a small boat — like a tugboat — coming in for him.

; Where does Chris currently publish new content?
: Chris's current [[YouTube]] channel is [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler]. However, he deleted all of videos save one ([[100 2357.MOV|his farewell message]]) in [[November 2010]]. Chris's [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|original web site]] is dead, as is his wiki, the [[CWCipedia]].

; What are his dox?
: Chris goes through [[Mailbag|mail]] and supposedly filters out [[troll]] letters. His parents do likewise, though they sometimes read the content but disregard it as something they already know. If you think writing a handwritten letter to Chris or his parents will somehow force him to read it and convince him to change the errors of his ways (or doing something lulzy), you are almost certainly out of luck.

: Likewise, with Chris's phone; generally they let it go to the answering machine since so many trolls call, or [[Bob]] will pick up the phone and keep track of who calls for legal reasons. Chris will generally not answer his cellphone unless it's a number he recognizes.

: But if you insist, you can find them [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|here]].

; Where can I learn more about this guy?
: Well, right here at [[CWCki|this fine wiki]] of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, I would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the [[Megan|Megan Saga and the release of the email correspondence between the two]]. Other resources include:

:* [[/cwc/]] imageboard
:* [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu (IRC chat)]]
:* [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
:* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] (not quite as reliable)

==References==
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[[Category:Special]]

CWCki - User contributions [en]

CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions