CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and English

2013-06-04T07:43:07Z

NobleGreyHorse: I still need to edit in the reference link to the May 2013 gargantuan Facebook dump re: "empirical"

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor this.]]

{{quote|I No Socialize Online.|Chris's strangely appropriate [[PS3|PSN]] comment.}}

[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things related to Chris, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older. This is presumably due to his increased isolation.

==CWC-isms==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading will be able to understand [[autism|exactly what he means]]. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]". He also tends to appropriate existing words, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[Semen|comeuppance]] isn't a fitting outcome for someone's deeds, and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy Sonichu|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like the definite article "da", Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive grasping desperately for credibility. Other famous [[CWC-isms]] like "[[tobacky]]", "[[niggos]]" and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

These CWC-isms combine with his [[Speech impediment|existing speech problems]] and his accent to form a unholy trifecta that defines his speech. With the constant stream of half words and repetition, it is sometimes difficult to understand what exactly he is talking about.. Any resemblance to actual English is tenuous at best, the words he uses are English but the structure is far from proper. The fact that his vocabulary is a bit lacking only compounds the situation.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know and tolerate. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, which only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instances". Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and — quite frankly — creepy.

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly [[Chris and his Ego|how self-centered he is]]. While the whole purpose of language is to express thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech, and his grammar is abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger-banging]] as "outtercourse",<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref> which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between". (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

Chris misuses punctuation in many ways, often with, albeit unintentional, comedic results. In particular, he tends to add hyphens where they aren't needed, such as in his stock phrase "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]". Clearly he means that he wants to create a relationship from the "ground up", from a blank slate, from the simplest of beginnings. A literal interpretation, though, means he wants to create a girlfriend from something that's been ground up — ground chuck, ground pepper, what-have-you.

In addition, he is obviously afraid that whatever he's feeling won't be adequately conveyed through his words, and tries to make up for this by relying on repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style, which could be compared to many comic books and graphic novels. For similar reasons, he tends to Capitalize Words At Random, Especially nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying.

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads. From the CWCipedia article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality homosexuality].}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like any six-year-old with ADD, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he instead veers off topic in order to babble about [[Random Access Humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences. A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is. Related is his overuse of semicolons, which are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, but Chris uses to crudely string together two tangentially-related thoughts into a barely coherent sentence. Chris even uses the semicolon in dialogue where it would normally be considered improper.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[Honest Content|honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would not mean he's not telling the whole truth.

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

One will notice with all the "''sic''" scattered around the CWCki, that Chris has trouble with simple spelling. Despite all the other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He seems to have trouble with switching "eni" for "ein", as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Sometimes, he seems to spell words phonetically like a grade-school child learning how to read, such as "characiture" (caricature), rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling. To put the icing on the cake, he writes "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

It was only relatively recently discovered that the term [[Anchuent Prophecy|"Anchuent"]] is supposed to be a pun, and not just another one of Chris's random acts of butchery of the English language — or even a typo resulting from "u" and "i" being adjacent on the QWERTY keyboard. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so persistent that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes completely unnoticed for ''years''.

===Typos===
[[Image:Sonichu_Typos.jpg|thumb|left|More perfect spelling from mister Chandler.]]

The spelling problem is only compounded by Chris's constant typos. The very first page of the comic contains the word [[Sonichu 0|"mies"]] in place of "miles". And even when he edits pages that contain these mistakes and has a chance to fix them, he still manages to overlook his errors the second time around, like [[Sonichu 7|"dood"]] instead of "good" in issue seven.

The fact that these typos exists only goes to prove that [[ego|Chris does not bother to proofread his works even a single time after completion]] and prior to uploading them to the internet. And assuming that he has to read his own comic sooner or later, and that someone '''must''' have drawn his attention to these mistakes at some point, the only logical conclusion is that Chris can not be asked to go back and fix these typos even when he is aware of them.

===Definitions and Vocabulary===
Chris has a very bad habit of not knowing what the fuck he's talking about, and vocabulary is one of them. Chris still believes the word [[Naïve|Naïve]] means stupid, and thus hates being called it. Naïve, in simple terms, means "ignorance or gullibility because of a lack of experience". Chris is the definition of this because he doesn't do anything, and because of that he's gullible and ignorant. Another word Chris throws around is slander. Chris constantly calls his [[ED]] page and [[CWCki]] slanderous. Slander is defamation. Defamation is the destruction of reputation or character through manipulation and lies of video, photographic, and audio evidence. Libel is like slander, but is defamation through writing. There's two things wrong with Chris' use of slander. His ED page and CWCki is more written than video, photographs and audio, so if it was anything it would be libel. The other is that ED and CWCki isn't slander or libel, because nothing is manipulated and everything on them is true, and backed up with physical evidence, provided by him.

Related to choice of vocabulary, Chris has an issue with using terms that, while technically meaning similar things, have different tones. This is perhaps most evident in [[Sonichu 10]], where Chris uses the term "bearing false witness" multiple times. In the context Chris uses the term, he's simply using it as an alternate way of saying "lying" or "misrepresenting", as the Biblical term is often simplified when explaining the ten commandments to children. Chris fails to realize that the term is more or less exclusively associated with the Bible and using it when discussing himself makes the characters sound like they're referring to Chris as their god, with all the unfortunate implications. Likewise, the Asperchu characters claim to have been forced to "make a false idol of the brown-shirted one" even though in Asperchu, the protagonists merely respect their creator, rather then worship him. Again, the use of Biblical terminology makes the whole thing seem even more narcissistic.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]." This rather clunky phrasing is repeated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He asserts that his idea of "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" on several occasions, and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump," most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]].

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his [[autism]] for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be laid at the door of his autism — other possibilities include that:
* Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so successfully, he tends to reuse what he knows is a working formula.
* Chris thinks his peculiar constructions are [[Random-access humor|funny]] and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
* Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
* Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====
Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort-of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough - it's got 'new' and 'address' in it."

For more blatant examples, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand. Also, when listing a hunk-of-shit TV on [[Craigslist]], he demands "CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. $250 or better offer; NO HAGGLE." which doesn't apply at all to something like an old TV. He most likely picked up the jargon from other entries on the site.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like", or "malevolent", an antonym of "benevolent"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical. A Facebook status reveals that, through unknown means, he has come to believe that "empirical" means "rejecting scientific methods of knowing," which is as nearly opposite to the word's meaning as one can get. (Since his source for this is listed as Jeremy Hilary Boob, Ph.D., a character in Yellow Submarine, perhaps this odd idea came from content in the Beatles edition of Rock Band.)

===Muddled-up Proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Autism|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with pens and their relative might vis-a-vis swords — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear. He cannot even create simple proverbs like
* "One who has his dick in the peanut butter jar is fucking nuts."

===Literal Interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's Father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's Father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' Don't… Don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just good stuff like vegetables. Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that the Dad here was trying to make gets lost in sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris sometimes branch out, lead nowhere, and cause frustration and tears (and tears of mirth for everyone but the two people who are conversing at the time).

As the quote read in [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm. This is no exception for Chris, who has often been unable to pick up sarcastic comments, as seen in the Guru Larry interview.<ref>[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]</ref>

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. He fails to elaborate any of his answers, and cannot distinguish the implied meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag #2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres — do you listen while you draw the comics, assuming you listen music at all while drawing the comics? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no". Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again." Chris took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now," and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This may seem innocuous at first, as regular people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag #34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts".<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|''Sonichu'' Quiz #2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] begins with "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed FCC for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag #51]]</ref> even though FCC has no authority over web or print media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag #51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "comic writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show.]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. "''For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic''].''"</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue #3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10|Mailbag #10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now," rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's [[autism]], where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; he almost always refers to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he's feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

==Spoken language==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, although that's not really saying much. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uh", "hmm", and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also [[Speech impediment|tends to stutter and repeat himself]].

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|''Brutal Legend'']] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is [[Random-access humor|trying to be funny]].

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising.]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[Autism|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit.]]}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|akekECv9XCQ}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris perhaps now has realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated hulk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his [[autism]], but it is also related to his [[Random Access Humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|"Smell Yo Duck"]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously an exaggeration of Chris's feelings, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]]. Despite this, Chris has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash,"<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "BUGS BUNNY WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39|Mailbag #39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the Xes are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch".) Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity level — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory is often floated regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry Internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
* [[Speech Impediment]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The High School Story]]
* [[Chris and writing]]
* [[Spanish]]
* Anything written on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Barbara Chandler

2013-06-02T17:28:57Z

NobleGreyHorse: Barb was fat for a long time, but we now have field agent and photo reference of her being a lot smaller in 2012. Whether she is now fatter again because of lying around all the time remains to be seen.

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].}}

{{quote| she threatens to kill me |Chris on Barb.<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_26</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age 71)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??)<br>
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1954) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.
===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref>

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG</ref>

In 1995, an Internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is [[Barbara]]'s former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Song_of_christian</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cutco</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara occasionally spoons with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'']</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her [[Obesity|massive size]] earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her sleeping a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might kill herself, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>; however, "hoarder" may be a more appropriate title. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, which helped turn [[14 Branchland Court]] into the fire- and biohazard it is today, including making the living room completely uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> Trolls attempted to get the house featured on the A&E show "Hoarders" by emailing the show's producers, who made a number of attempts to get in contact with the Chandlers but had no success.<ref>http://imageshack.us/f/28/cwcaeemails.jpg/</ref> Unfortunately for Barb, her hoarding problems likely contributed to the death of her husband, when a bug infestation at the Chandler house forced Bob to be quarantined for bug bites in the hospital where he later died.<ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref>

In a May 17, 2011 email to [[Jackie]], Chris revealed that during the [[Tomgirl]] saga, Barb made threats to kill him in an episode of emotional rage.<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_26</ref>

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Appearances==
===In the comics===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating Education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in two videos to date as of [[February 2012]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M&feature=channel_video_title Interview about Barb]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Chris and brand loyalty

2012-10-06T16:03:11Z

NobleGreyHorse: Grammar edits; origin of name "Bionic"; oddly, Chris seems not to hate Wendy's

{{quote|You gotta have merchandise because it's like a wedding ring for the product. And it makes it- and then the fans will- will continue to support you as long as you have the merchandise a- it's like a wedding ring. |[[Download For Play Only|Chris, making his thoughts on branding as clear as he can.]]}}

'''Brand loyalty''' is a consumer's commitment to continually purchasing a product or service from a particular company or business. Companies use advertising, loyalty programs, product placement and contests to establish a brand which consumers will recognize, consider valuable, and seek out at the expense of other brands. Due to his difficulty separating [[Chris and reality|reality and fiction]] Chris tends to consider advertisements to be [[AXE|literal documentation of a product's effectiveness]] rather than intrinsically biased attempts to lure consumers. This, in combination with his [[Autism|rigid thinking, fear of change and attraction to routine]], has led Chris to have intense brand loyalty for certain products as well as hatred for their perceived rivals. His loyalty even extends to areas that would not normally considered "brands," such as mental disabilities and sexual orientations.

==Overview==
[[Image:Rubi 110309.jpg|thumb|right|Chris considered this a reward for drinking thousands of cans of Coke.]]
Chris considers his choice of brands to be a major component of his identity. In general, once Chris has committed to a particular "brand" he will stand by it regardless of its quality. He considers those who abandon a brand in favor of a competitor, such as [[Sonichu]] fans who became fans of [[Asperchu]], to be "hypocrites." Chris seems to consider being a consumer of a particular brand as something like a relationship - at one point clumsily attempting to use a mangled quote from the video game [[Brutal Legend]] to explain this strange belief, saying that merchandise was like a wedding ring and that as long as there was branded merchandise available, fans should stay loyal<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>.

Chris is highly susceptible to marketing and branding; he feels strong loyalty to brands even, and perhaps especially, if they are essentially identical to their rivals. He is drawn to virtually every attempt at generating brand loyalty, compulsively entering any contest he encounters and fastidiously collecting various loyalty points, including [[My Coke Rewards]] and [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''McDonald's Monopoly'']].

[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|left|Free advertising]]
Chris seems to struggle to understand the economics of advertisements, instead seeing them as positive features in the media he enjoys. He happily included his own versions of advertisements and product placement for real brands in his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]] and nearly every issue of [[Sonichu]]; he seemed genuinely surprised that Coke, for example, wouldn't want one of his fake Coke ads - "hand-drawn charm" notwithstanding - on the [[Cwcipedia]].

He is a vigorous defender of his favored brands in unusual ways, warning his readers not to purchase pirated versions of [[Little Big Planet]] (a PS3 exclusive title) for Xbox 360, despite the fact that this is impossible.

{{clear}}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==
[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|A match made in heaven?]]
Sonic is the quintessential example of Chris's intense brand loyalty. Chris is in many ways the product of Sega's attempt to allow people to feel a personal connection with electronic appliances. Following Mario's success for Nintendo, Sonic was designed to appeal to young children and act as a mascot for Sega. He was concocted by combining elements from other popular cultural elements of the early 1990s, including Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Santa Claus. Part of Sega's strategy was to employ a multi-pronged marketing technique, including video games, television shows, and contests. Chris followed all of these closely and in a fateful moment became the winner of the [[Sonic Watch and Win Sweepstakes]], which cemented Sonic's place of honor in Chris's mind. Sonic became Chris's "lifelong hero," replacing his previous "lifelong hero" [[The American Rabbit]]. (Despite Sonic's much greater grip on his life, Chris has often felt compelled to mention the American Rabbit, as if out of some obligation.) While Sonic was certainly a popular franchise, particularly in the 1990s, Chris became obsessed with the hedgehog to a level likely unanticipated by Sega. During the 1990s Sonic occupied nearly all of his thinking, serving as a fantasy world in which he could escape from the realities of daily life. Chris would generally combine Sonic with whatever he was doing, whether it was replacing the characters in Goosebumps books with Sonic characters or combining [[Bionic|Sonic with basketball to form the recolor "Bionic]]." (This name is a superb example of Chris's obsession with anagrams and wordplay over the actual meaning of words. While "Bionic" does start with a B and rhyme with "Sonic," the character Bionic has absolutely no cyborg parts or systems outside of [[Asperchu]] canon. He's just an orange Sonic.) Over the past two decades Chris has purchased nearly every Sonic-branded game, toy, and bit of merchandise, and seems to view Sonic as something like an old personal friend.

Instead of growing up and moving on when the Sonic brand began to grow stale at the end of the 1990s, Chris merged Sonic with his other beloved franchise at the time, [[Pokemon]], to create [[Sonichu]], who has largely replaced Sonic as the primary character in his internal fantasy world - although Sonic still makes occasional cameo appearances.

Despite Sonic's sidekick Tails' major presence in Sonic media, Chris rarely refers to him and conspicuously left him, or any recolor of him or two-tailed anything, absent from ''Sonichu.'' Some have speculated that this may be due to popular schoolyard rumors that conjectured that Sonic and Tails were in a homosexual relationship. Chris's notorious [[homophobia]] may have caused him to have an aversion to a character that he imagined might have tempted Sonic from "the straight path."

Although Mario and Nintendo were vicious rivals of Sonic and Sega, Chris seems to have been largely oblivious to this tension and never subjected them to the kind of hatred he would aim at rivals of his favored products later in his life.

==[[Playstation 3]] vs. [[HEXbox]]==
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is never the answer.]]
[[Image:cwcps3_by_nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|right]]
Perhaps Chris's best known case of brand loyalty is his sycophantic love of the [[PS3|Sony PlayStation 3]] and abject hatred for for the [[Xbox|Microsoft XBox 360]]. While fanboyism for these video game consoles is certainly well known and the rivalry between these products was referred to as a "console war," Chris, as he frequently does, took it to a new level, irrationally hating the Xbox 360 and heaping love and money on Sony. Chris was obsessed with the PS3 long before he was able to purchase one, stating that he would throw out the cure for autism for the $600 hunk of black plastic <ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref>. When he finally bought a PS3, after failing to [[Pixelated PS3|win it in a contest]], he considered it to be the "ultimate life upgrade." The PS3 and its online component the [[PSN]], where he has spent thousands of dollars, became an extremely important part of every day for Chris. He would use his limited budget to purchase numerous Sony branded accessories, including a flat-screen TV, a [[PSeye]], PSmove, PSmove sharpshooter and multiple [[Guitar Hero]] controllers. Chris seems to consider the PS3 and its games and accessories to be a genuine life improvement akin to investments rather than a glorified hugbox; how these electronic gizmos do anything but distract him from reality remains unclear. Chris went to great lengths to express his distaste for the PS3 primary rival: the Xbox 360, or "HEXbox" as he liked to call it. When Chris would propose a videogame such as [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]], he would make sure to state that it would be for all consoles... HEXbox excepted. Chris went as far as defacing in-store advertisements for the Xbox while yelling "kick that hex-bawx" <ref>August 2010</ref> and frequently lashing out at those who appeared to like or be affiliated with the Xbox. Chris's reasons for hating the Xbox 360 was never clearly defined. When pressed for answers, Chris would generally cite Xbox Live's (Xbox's online component) cost or the infamous "[[Wikipedia:Red_ring_of_death#.22General_Hardware_Failure.22_errors|red ring of death]]" <ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref> He would later admit that his anger stemmed from jealousy over being unable to afford an original Xbox and that the aforementioned reasons were merely excuses<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>. Though he later softened his stance against the Xbox under the influence of [[Jackie]], the rivalry between the consoles and Chris's loyalty towards Sony was at its peak during the height of Chris trolling. This caused his hatred to become well known and the Xbox 360 to become a bit of a mascot for trolls. Chris also associated the Xbox with trolls, depicting [[Alec Benson Leary]] as an Xbox user. Even though he has recanted much of his hatred towards the XBox 360, he has not made the choice to purchase one, despite spending the vast majority of his money on video games.

Ironically, Chris once felt similar hatred towards the Sony PS 1 and 2, which were at that time rivals to his beloved Nintendo N64 and GameCube respectively. His hatred for Sony and its gaming products, described by Chris as equal to his contemporary hatred of Microsoft, evaporated when he purchased a PS 1 at an SPCA rummage sale for a "bargain." He intended to sell it for profit, but instead played it and found it to be enjoyable. Instead of learning from this, discovering that rival consoles can be equally enjoyable, Chris simply became a Sony fanboy and began hating Microsoft.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==[[Autism]] vs. [[Asperger's]]==
Chris extends his loyalty to brands far outside the normal realms of products and services and into the world of mental abnormality. He is extremely loyal to his diagnosis of autism, swearing by "my autism" multiple times and considering it to be an integral part of his identity, despite having serious difficulty grasping how the condition affects his ability to function. Just as with the PS3 and Xbox 360, Chris has identified a rival to autism in Asperger's syndrome. Despite the fact that Chris's "high-functioning" autism and Asperger's are essentially identical diagnoses, Chris feels that people with Asperger's are trying to "steal his limelight" and in fact stated that the name of the disorder, beyond merely sounding like "a bad cut of meat," brought to mind "competing retards." Just like with Coke and Pepsi, Chris has taken two functionally identical things and chosen one to identify with and the other to hate.

==[[Harry Potter]] vs. [[Pokemon]]==

[[Image:100-DarkCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Not broken at all.]]
Although this is not seen as a traditional rivalry, Chris has a strong dislike of the boy wizard Harry Potter because he perceives him to be a threat to the Pokemon franchise. Chris calls him a "total spaz"<ref>[[Mailbag 7|Mailbag #7]]</ref> and at one point even [[Death threats|''threated to kill'']] the fictional character.<ref>[http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/e/ea/100-DarkCWC.jpg "Dark Christian" card from [[Wall of Originals]].]</ref> His hatred appears to stem from Chris perception that a brand was once again "stealing the limelight" from something he identified with, in this case Pokemon. When Harry Potter and Pokemon were released at roughly the same time while Chris was in high school. While Pokemon was aimed at younger children, Harry Potter targeted a slightly older, more literate demographic. To Chris, the choice was obvious. At the request of [[Jackie]], Chris [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|dressed up as a wizard and made reference to Harry Potter]], but this was almost certainly merely an attempt to please his sweetheart rather than a genuine fondness for the series.

==[[Nintendo]]==
Chris has been a lifelong fan of Nintendo products, and although his love of Sonic prevented him from becoming obsessed with Mario, Chris has owned nearly every Nintendo console and handheld since the NES (there have been no signs of the infamous Virtual Boy). His relationship with Nintendo and his interactions with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], who he believed was interested in producing a Sonichu game, displays Chris's odd understanding of consumer/corporate relations. It appears that Chris believed that his loyalty to various corporate interests would be recognized and returned in a reciprocal fashion, as he listed his multitude of Nintendo purchases in an attempt to convince the game developer to work with him<ref>Miyamoto emails</ref>.

==[[Axe]]==
Chris's loyalty to this multinational deodorant brand (called Lynx in the UK) is a classic example of Chris taking advertising literally. Early commercials for the deodorant depicted women throwing themselves at men in a manner reminiscent of Chris's desire for women to approach him in public. Rather than seeing this as hyperbole, Chris seems to believe that the product may have this effect in reality. Obviously Axe has never worked as advertised for Chris, but he has maintained his status as a loyal customer for many years.

Axe is also an example of how Chris considers the products he buys an integral component of his identity. As a loyal Axe customer, he was deeply disturbed when he was told that Axe was popular in the gay community, and he felt the need to use [[Youtube]] to [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|request that the Unilever Corporation]] use labels to specifically forbid homosexuals from using their products.

==[[McDonald's]] vs. [[Burger King]]==
[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and cinematography|An example of Chris's brilliant camerawork]]]]
Chris is a lifelong acolyte of McDonald's and thus dislikes its main competitor, Burger King. McDonald's is a major component of Chris's life. He eats a significant percentage of his meals at the popular fast-food restaurant, considers it the perfect location for a first date, and features it as a location in several issues of Sonichu. One of his most cherished and sickening fantasies involves having sex with his sweetheart in the handicapped bathroom of the local McDonald's. Chris has little love for Burger King, although he certainly never mentioned refusing to eat the food when dragged there by his father, who preferred it to McDonald's. (Bob and Chris apparently did have some dispute about coupons with the manager of their local Burger King, resulting in Chris's bizarre attempt to get his trolls to troll her by creating an article on the CWCki.) Chris has never mentioned having any strong positive or negative feelings toward the Wendy's chain before his brief stint as an employee, and seems not to hold animosity toward the chain as a whole despite being fired from his local store after three days.

==Coke and Pepsi==
Surprisingly, Chris does not appear to have a specific long-term loyalty in this classic example of a nonexistent choice. He has been known to drink both, but claims that Sonichu drinks only [[CWC Cola]], a variant of Pepsi with a [[Semen|special ingredient]]. At one point he supported a boycott of Pepsi due to its alleged "gay-friendliness." He has been known to hoard My Coke Rewards points; in the Ivy Q&A, Ivy describes his becoming miffed at having to use his points to buy a different version of a song he already owned to fulfill Ivy's request for a video. (One might think that a few points are a trifling thing when sweet, sweet [[china]] is the potential reward, but then one probably isn't Chris.)
==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

User:Lumber/Brand Loyalty

2012-09-28T04:11:15Z

NobleGreyHorse: Mostly grammar edits. It's not especially "ironic" that Sonic replaced The American Rabbit.

{{quote|You gotta have merchandise because it's like a wedding ring for the product. And it makes it- and then the fans will- will continue to support you as long as you have the merchandise a- it's like a wedding ring. |[[Download For Play Only|Chris, making his thoughts on branding as clear as he can.]]}}

'''Brand loyalty''' is a consumer's commitment to continually purchasing a product or service from a particular company or business. Companies go to great lengths, generally through advertising, loyalty programs and contest, to establish a brand which consumers will recognize, consider valuable, and seek out at the expense of other brands. Due to his difficulty separating [[Chris and reality|reality and fiction]] Chris tends to consider advertisements to be [[AXE|literal documentation of a product's effectiveness]] rather than intrinsically biased attempts to lure consumers. This, in combination with his [[Autism|rigid thinking, fear of change and attraction to routine]], has led Chris to have intense brand loyalty for certain products as well as hatred for their perceived rivals. His loyalty even extends to areas that would not normally considered "brands," such as mental disabilities and sexual orientations.

==Overview==
[[Image:Rubi 110309.jpg|thumb|right|Chris considered this a reward for drinking thousands of cans of Coke.]]
Chris considers his choice of brands to be a major component of his identity. In general, once Chris has committed to a particular "brand" he will stand by it regardless of its quality. He considers those who abandon a brand in favor of a competitor, such as [[Sonichu]] fans who became fans of [[Asperchu]], to be "hypocrites." Chris seems to consider being a consumer of a particular brand as something like a relationship - at one point clumsily attempting to use a mangled quote from the video game [[Brutal Legend]] to explain this strange belief, saying that merchandise was like a wedding ring and that as long as there was branded merchandise available, fans should stay loyal<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>.

Chris is highly susceptible to marketing and branding; he feels strong loyalty to brands even, and perhaps especially, if they are essentially identical to their rivals. He is drawn to virtually every attempt at generating brand loyalty, compulsively entering any contest he encounters and fastidiously collecting various loyalty points, including [[My Coke Rewards]] and [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''McDonald's Monopoly'']].

Chris seems to struggle to understand the economics of advertisements, instead seeing them as positive features in the media he enjoys. He happily included his own versions of advertisements and product placement for real brands in his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]] and nearly every issue of [[Sonichu]]; he seemed genuinely surprised that Coke, for example, wouldn't want one of his fake Coke ads - "hand-drawn charm" notwithstanding - on the [[Cwcipedia]].

He is a vigorous defender of his favored brands in unusual ways, warning his readers not to purchase pirated versions of [[Little Big Planet]] (a PS3 exclusive title) for Xbox 360, despite the fact that this is impossible.
[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|left|Free advertising]]
{{clear}}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==
[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|A match made in heaven?]]
Sonic is the quintessential example of Chris's intense brand loyalty. Chris is in many ways the product of Sega's attempt to allow people to feel a personal connection with electronic appliances. Following Mario's success for Nintendo, Sonic was designed to appeal to young children and act as a mascot for Sega. He was concocted by combining elements from other popular cultural elements of the early 1990s, including Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Santa Claus. Part of Sega's strategy was to employ a multi-pronged marketing technique, including video games, television shows, and contests. Chris followed all of these closely and in a fateful moment became the winner of the [[Sonic Watch and Win Sweepstakes]], which cemented Sonic's place of honor in Chris's mind. Sonic became Chris's "lifelong hero," replacing his previous "lifelong hero" [[The American Rabbit]]. (Despite Sonic's much greater grip on his life, Chris has often felt compelled to mention the American Rabbit, as if out of some obligation.) While Sonic was certainly a popular franchise, particularly in the 1990s, Chris became obsessed with the hedgehog to a level likely unanticipated by Sega. During the 1990s Sonic occupied nearly all of his thinking, serving as a fantasy world in which he could escape from the realities of daily life. Chris would generally combine Sonic with whatever he was doing, whether it was replacing the characters in Goosebumps books with Sonic characters or combining [[Bionic|Sonic with basketball]]. Over the past two decades Chris has purchased nearly every Sonic-branded game, toy, and bit of merchandise, and seems to view Sonic as something like an old personal friend.

Instead of growing up and moving on when the Sonic brand began to grow stale at the end of the 1990s, Chris merged Sonic with his other beloved franchise at the time: [[Pokemon]] to create [[Sonichu]] who seems to have replaced Sonic as the primary character in his internal fantasy world although Sonic still makes occasional cameo appearances.

Despite Sonic's sidekick Tails' major presence in Sonic media, Chris rarely refers to him and conspicuously left him, or an uncreative recolor, absent in Sonichu. Some have speculated that this may be due to popular schoolyard rumors that conjectured that Sonic and Tails were in a homosexual relationship. Chris's notorious [[homophobia]] may have caused him to have an aversion to a character that he imagined might have tempted Sonic from "the straight path."

Although Mario and Nintendo were vicious rivals of Sonic and Sega, Chris seems to have been largely oblivious of this tension and never subjected them to the kind of hatred he would aim at rivals of his favored products later in his life.

==[[Playstation 3]] vs. [[HEXbox]]==
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is never the answer.]]
Perhaps Chris's best known case of brand loyalty is his sycophantic love of the [[PS3|Sony PlayStation 3]] and abject hatred for for the [[Xbox|Microsoft XBox 360]]. While fanboyism for these video game consoles is certainly well known and the rivalry between these products was referred to as a "console war," Chris, as he frequently does, took it to a new level, irrationally hating the Xbox 360 and heaping love and money on Sony. Chris was obsessed with the PS3 long before he was able to purchase one, stating that he would throw out the cure for autism for the $600 hunk of black plastic <ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref>. When he finally bought a PS3, after failing to [[Pixelated PS3|win it in a contest]], he considered it to be the "ultimate life upgrade." The PS3 and its online component the [[PSN]], where he has spent thousands of dollars, became an extremely important part of every day for Chris. He would use his limited budget to purchase numerous Sony branded accessories, including a flat-screen TV, a [[PSeye]], PSmove, PSmove sharpshooter and multiple [[Guitar Hero]] controllers. Chris seems to consider the PS3 and its games and accessories to be a genuine life improvement akin to investments rather than a glorified hugbox; how these electronic gizmos do anything but distract him from reality remains unclear. Chris went to great lengths to express his distaste for the PS3 primary rival: the Xbox 360, or "HEXbox" as he liked to call it. When Chris would propose a videogame such as [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]], he would make sure to state that it would be for all consoles... HEXbox excepted. Chris went as far as defacing in-store advertisements for the Xbox while yelling "kick that hex-bawx" <ref>August 2010</ref> and frequently lashing out at those who appeared to like or be affiliated with the Xbox. Chris's reasons for hating the Xbox 360 was never clearly defined. When pressed for answers, Chris would generally cite Xbox Live's (Xbox's online component) cost or the infamous "[[Wikipedia:Red_ring_of_death#.22General_Hardware_Failure.22_errors|red ring of death]]" <ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref> He would later admit that his anger stemmed from jealousy over being unable to afford an original Xbox and that the aforementioned reasons were merely excuses<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>. Though he later softened his stance against the Xbox under the influence of [[Jackie]], the rivalry between the consoles and Chris's loyalty towards Sony was at its peak during the height of Chris trolling. This caused his hatred to become well known and the Xbox 360 to become a bit of a mascot for trolls. Chris also associated the Xbox with trolls, depicting [[Alec Benson Leary]] as an Xbox user. Even though he has recanted much of his hatred towards the XBox 360, he has not made the choice to purchase one, despite spending the vast majority of his money on video games.

Ironically, Chris once felt similar hatred towards the Sony PS 1 and 2, which were at that time rivals to his beloved Nintendo N64 and GameCube respectively. His hatred for Sony and its gaming products, described by Chris as equal to his contemporary hatred of Microsoft, evaporated when he purchased a PS 1 at an SPCA rummage sale for a "bargain." He intended to sell it for profit, but instead played it and found it to be enjoyable. Instead of learning from this, discovering that rival consoles can be equally enjoyable, Chris simply became a Sony fanboy and began hating Microsoft.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>

==[[Autism]] vs. [[Asperger's]]==
Chris extends his loyalty to brands far outside the normal realms of products and services and into the world of mental abnormality. He is extremely loyal to his diagnosis of autism, swearing by "my autism" multiple times and considering it to be an integral part of his identity, despite having serious difficulty grasping how the condition affects his ability to function. Just as with the PS3 and Xbox 360, Chris has identified a rival to autism in Asperger's syndrome. Despite the fact that Chris's "high-functioning" autism and Asperger's are essentially identical diagnoses, Chris feels that people with Asperger's are trying to "steal his limelight" and in fact stated that the name of the disorder, beyond merely sounding like "a bad cut of meat," brought to mind "competing retards." Just like with Coke and Pepsi, Chris has taken two functionally identical things and chosen one to identify with and the other to hate.

==[[Harry Potter]] vs. [[Pokemon]]==

[[Image:100-DarkCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Not broken at all.]]
Although this is not seen as a traditional rivalry, Chris has a strong dislike of the boy wizard Harry Potter because he perceives him to be a threat to the Pokemon franchise. Chris calls him a "total spaz"<ref>[[Mailbag 7|Mailbag #7]]</ref> and at one point even [[Death threats|''threated to kill'']] the fictional character.<ref>[http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/e/ea/100-DarkCWC.jpg "Dark Christian" card from [[Wall of Originals]].]</ref> His hatred appears to stem from Chris perception that a brand was once again "stealing the limelight" from something he identified with, in this case Pokemon. When Harry Potter and Pokemon were released at roughly the same time while Chris was in high school. While Pokemon was aimed at younger children, Harry Potter targeted a slightly older, more literate demographic. To Chris, the choice was obvious. At the request of [[Jackie]], Chris [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|dressed up as a wizard and made reference to Harry Potter]], but this was almost certainly merely an attempt to please his sweetheart rather than a genuine fondness for the series.

==[[Nintendo]]==
Chris has been a lifelong fan of Nintendo products, and although his love of Sonic prevented him from becoming obsessed with Mario, Chris has owned nearly every Nintendo console and handheld since the NES (there have been no signs of the infamous Virtual Boy). His relationship with Nintendo and his interactions with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], who he believed was interested in producing a Sonichu game, displays Chris's odd understanding of consumer/corporate relations. It appears that Chris believed that his loyalty to various corporate interests would be recognized and returned in a reciprocal fashion, as he listed his multitude of Nintendo purchases in an attempt to convince the game developer to work with him<ref>Miyamoto emails</ref>.

==[[AXE]]==
Chris's loyalty to this multinational deodorant brand (called Lynx in the UK) is a classic example of Chris taking advertising literally. Early commercials for the deodorant depicted women throwing themselves at men in a manner reminiscent of Chris's desire for women to approach him in public. Rather than seeing this as hyperbole, Chris seems to believe that the product may have this effect in reality. Obviously Axe has never worked as advertised for Chris, but he has maintained his status as a loyal customer for many years.

Axe is also an example of how Chris considers the products he buys an integral component of his identity. As a loyal Axe customer, he was deeply disturbed when he was told that Axe was popular in the gay community, and he felt the need to use [[Youtube]] to [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|request that the Unilever Corporation]] use labels to specifically forbid homosexuals from using their products.

==[[McDonald's]] vs. [[Burger King]]==
Chris is a lifelong loyal fan of McDonald's and thus dislikes its main competitor, Burger King. McDonald's is a major component of Chris's life. He eats a significant percentage of his meals at the popular fast-food restaurant, considers it the perfect location for a first date, and features it as a location in several issues of Sonichu. One of his most cherished and sickening fantasies involves having sex with his sweetheart in the handicapped bathroom of the local McDonald's. Chris has little love for Burger King, although he certainly never mentioned refusing to eat the food when dragged there by his father, who preferred it to McDonald's. (Bob and Chris apparently did have some trifling dispute about coupons with the manager of their local Burger King, resulting in Chris's bizarre attempt to get his trolls to troll her by creating an article on the CWCki.))

==Coke and Pepsi==
Surprisingly, Chris does not appear to have a specific long-term loyalty in this classic example of a nonexistent choice. He has been known to drink both, but claims that Sonichu drinks only [[CWC Cola]], a variant of Pepsi with a [[Semen|special ingredient]]. At one point he supported a boycott of Pepsi due to its alleged "gay-friendliness." He has been known to hoard My Coke Rewards points; in the Ivy Q&A, Ivy describes his becoming miffed at having to use his points to buy a different version of a song he already owned to fulfill Ivy's request for a video. (One might think that a few points are a trifling thing when sweet, sweet [[china]] is the potential reward, but then one probably isn't Chris.)
==References==
<references/>