CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:One With The Lulz

2018-03-13T10:16:35Z

One With The Lulz:

{{EDUser}}

It was a nice clear night in CWCville and the weather couldn't be better. But not everything was peaceful in the city because a certain car was driving down the highway with a rather stressed out driver. A certain yellow hedgehog pokémon was at the wheel with a pink one sitting in the seat next to him.

"You know Sweet Bolt," Rosechu said with a gleeful tone, "I think we should go out again tomorrow. We've had so much fun that I'm still excited."

Sonichu didn't look very excited, in fact his eye was twitching and looked like he was about to pop a vein. At first their date was fun indeed, they visited an amusement park and decided to spend their date there.

Flashback to earlier that afternoon:

"Wow! Cool! Let's spend our date here." Rosechu was very cheerful when she and Sonichu drove by the amusement park. Sonichu however wasn't so cheerful. Rosechu's constant rude appearances throughout his recent life and her annoying conversations were enough to drive anyone mad, let alone a hedgehog with a short temper. "All right Rosechu," Sonichu said with some disgust in his voice, "let's get this over with."

CWCville's "Mega Amusement Park" was one of the largest amusement parks in all of Virginia. It had over fifty rides, hundreds of gaming booths, dozens of restaurants, and a three story arcade the size of a large warehouse.

"Well, let's at least go on all of the rides," Rosechu said cheerfully, "after all, we may not get another chance to come here anytime soon." She saw a nearby clock and it read 3 o'clock in the afternoon. "You see Sweet Bolt, we have plenty of time."

Sonichu decided to loosen up for a change. Since he isn't really here for the date, he could at least try the rides and have fun. At least Rosechu didn't choose some boring stage plays or operas like in their past dates. Sonichu and Rosechu went on many rides and nearly threw up several times, especially on the large ones. They ate at a couple restaurants, and played in the arcade for a few hours to recover from the rides.

Sonichu was starting to get a headache from staring at the arcade screens, but noticed that Rosechu was still enjoying herself. He looked at the clock on a wall and noticed it was now 9 o'clock in the evening. Sonichu then looked through the amusement park brochure and checked the map. He then came to startling realization. They've been here for six long hours and they haven't even been on half of the rides! Now his headache is getting much worse and he definitely felt like going home now.

"Uh, Rosechu," Sonichu said while rubbing his temples, "I think we've been here long enough. We should go home now."

Rosechu just had another "game over" and was out of quarters. She's not very good with arcade games, but she seems to have fun anyways. "You know, I think you're right, I'm feeling a bit tired myself. But before we leave, I want to try one more ride."

Sonichu gave a frustrated sigh. "All right Rosechu, which one?"

Rosechu pointed at a particularly large roller coaster on the brochure. Heck, it was the largest one in the entire amusement park and was appropriately named "The Giant of CWCville" or "G.O.C.W.C." for short. Sonichu seemed rather worried, since he's never been on a roller coaster anywhere near this big. It had a 295-foot drop, had countless loops and twists, and the ride lasts for nearly ten minutes! It would also be like having sex with Rosechu! But if this will get him home and finally away from Rosechu, he was willing to force himself despite his throbbing headache.

After more than half an hour of waiting in line, they finally got on the ride, and after the long ride was done, they each had different reactions. Rosechu was hollering with excitement and was very happy, Sonichu would also be very excited if it weren't for his headache. His head now felt like small bombs were detonating inside and he once again started rubbing his head.

Rosechu noticed that he was rubbing his head very hard. "Hey Sweetie, why are you rubbing your head like that?"

"Well, duh! I've got a splitting headache!" Sonichu sounded very irritated, "why else do you think I'm rubbing my head?"

"Well I thought that you're just clearing your mind or something," she replied with some concern in her voice, "if you would have told me earlier, we could have gone home. After all, I don't want to see you like this, it hurts me just as much to see you like this."

Sonichu couldn't believe what he just heard. They could have left this place a long time ago! "How could she have NOT known that I'm in pain," Sonichu thought angrily, "is she really that dumb, or she always off in her own world?" Sonichu was now on the verge of beating the shit out of Rosechu, big time.

"Come on Rosechu, let's go now. When I get home, I'm going to swallow a couple bottles of aspirin and hopefully that'll be enough to stop my torturous headache." Sonichu just barely walked a few steps and noticed that Rosechu wasn't following him.

Sonichu walked back to Rosechu and practically yelled at her. "Now what!? What are you doing? Didn't you agree to leave now?" She didn't answer and Sonichu noticed that Rosechu was bending over slightly and clutching her belly. Sonichu's anger dropped slightly and started to feel concerned for her.

"If this is some trick to make me feel sorry for you, it's not going to work," Sonichu said, but she still didn't answer or move.

Sonichu finally got fed up with the situation and decided to shake some sense into her. But before he touched her, he heard Rosechu groaning and noticed something wrong with her face. He grabbed her and noticed that her pink face has almost turned green.

"Rosechu! Are you all right? What's happening?" Sonichu now sounded more worried than angry and he knew that this was no trick.

"Honey, I...b...b...BLEEEEEEH!" She threw up all over Sonichu's face and half of his body! Sonichu was totally shocked by what just happened.

He suddenly became so furious that the vomit covering his face and body started to sizzle. "Why.... you.... little.... piece of -."

"I-I'm so sorry Sweet Bolt," Rosechu tried her very best to apologize, "I didn't know that this would happen. I guess the G.O.C.W.C. had a bigger affect on me than I thought. After all, I -."

She began to feel another urge to throw up and Sonichu quickly let go of her. She put her hands over her mouth and her cheeks started to puff out. She looked around and found a trashcan nearby and ran to it. She then threw up the rest of her "contents" into the trashcan and slowly walked back to Sonichu, who looked like he was about to blow up.

"Um, Honey, I think that we should clean up before we leave." She then walked to the ladies room to clean up. Sonichu however just stood where he was like a statue. He refused to except what just happened, it was like a nightmare.

Sonichu then looked around and noticed that everyone was staring. A few were rude enough to laugh and point. "What's the matter with all of you!? Have you ever seen a yellow and BROWN pokémon?" Sonichu finally proceeded to the men's room while everyone around him started plugging their noses from the stench of the vomit covering him. As soon as he entered the men's room, everyone inside evacuated and ran out, also holding their noses. Sonichu had nearly caused a stampede just by walking into a restroom! He has never been so humiliated in his whole life. Now he knew how his father felt.

Flashback to the present:

Sonichu started grinding his teeth together so hard, it seemed that they would break.

"You know Sweetie," Rosechu said, totally oblivious to Sonichu's current emotions, "it was really nice that person at the booth gave you some aspirin for you headache. This date was definitely unusual, but I've had more fun than any of our other dates. Didn't you enjoy yourself Sweet Bolt?"

Sonichu was so silent that Rosechu didn't think anyone was driving. She looked at Sonichu, "hello? Sonichu, did you hear what I just said? You know it's rude to ignore someone who's talking to you. I'm not distracting your driving am I?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh," Sonichu screamed so loud that the windows of their car nearly shattered. Immediately he pulled the handbrake and the car came to a screeching stop.

Rosechu had a very shocked look on her face. "Sonichu! Are you crazy? What're you doing, we're in the middle of a highway!" Sonichu gave her no answer, yet.

The highway started getting foggy and visibility was getting worse. Normally in this situation, you're supposed to drive very carefully and more slowly to decrease the chances of an accident. However in this scene, a very stupid thing is being done. A car is parked right in the middle of the highway! The traffic is very light, but that could still be dangerous in this case.

"Sonichu! What do you think you're doing?" Rosechu was very hysterical while Sonichu just crossed his arms and was totally silent. His face had a look of extreme stress and veins were popping out all over. "Sonichu, if this is some kind of sick joke, stop it! This is very dangerous!" Sonichu clenched his fist so hard that his knuckles were cracking.

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Sonichu had finally lost control of himself. "I've had about enough of that huge, noisy cavern in your face!" Sonichu quickly unbuckled his safety belt and stumbled out of the car. As soon as he got out, a passing car swerved around their illegally parked car and nearly hit him. (Parking in the middle of a highway is illegal in Virginia, you know, duh!)

"Hey, get off the highway you road hog," the passing driver said angrily, "go learn how to drive." The passing car disappeared into the fog. "That's Sonichu, you dolt!" Sonichu yelled while waving his fist furiously. "I'm out of here Rosechu! Go drive yourself home." (Rosechu does know how to drive you know, she's a woman).

Sonichu speeds off down the highway, nearly hitting another car, which the driver also threw an insult at him. Sonichu ignored the insult this time because his priority now was to go straight home and get away from Rosechu. He looked back and barely noticed the headlights of Rosechu's car through the fog and also noticed that they haven't moved.

Sonichu stood on the curb of the highway to avoid blocking any traffic and starting waiting very impatiently for her car to get moving. After all, he doesn't want to be responsible for causing a car pile-up. Her car still wasn't moving and Sonichu was now on the verge of killing Rosechu himself.

Sonichu ran back to the car and noticed that Rosechu was still in here seat with her safety belt still on. Her arms were crossed and had a pretty upset look on her face, but nowhere near as upset as Sonichu's face. "Rosechu! Get out of here, you're going to cause a huge accident." Rosechu decided to give Sonichu the silent treatment just like what he did to her earlier. (In case you didn't know, the car is Bubbles'. Sonichu obviously doesn't need one because he's faster than any car, and he doesn't have to deal with traffic. Why he was driving in the first place is irrelevant.).

"I said get out of here! Go, now!" Sonichu was getting very frustrated with her attitude and was starting to get nervous because of where they are. Sonichu and Rosechu noticed that the fog was getting thicker by the minute. Luckily there's little traffic, but they're still pressing their luck with the situation.

"No!" Rosechu said defiantly, "our date isn't finished until I'm at home and I want YOU to take me home."

Sonichu started laughing almost maniacally. "What do you mean our date isn't finished? Our date was over the moment you decided to marry me!" Rosechu was shocked by what he said and had a "how could you say that" look on her face.

Sonichu continued, "do you know why I was stupid enough to go out with you on this date and our other past dates? I'll tell you why, it's so that I have a hole for my cock. Every time you want a date night, you just nag and nag and nag and nag and nag, and so on. So I figured that if I go out with you, you would at least be satisfied and I could get up in your twat, and then I could blow my load and abandon you and the kids until I feel horny again!" Sonichu then gave a huge sigh of relief, "ooh, that felt so good. I should have said that a long time ago."

Rosechu was shocked much more than any other time in her life, and her face showed it very well. Sonichu didn't care though, to him seeing her face like this was priceless and it made him feel so good that his headache nearly disappeared. His electric hedgehog genitals were starting to engorge at the thought.

"I.... I.... um.... I.... uh," Rosechu was totally speechless and was caught completely off guard by those cruel words. She never expected such words to come out of Sonichu's own mouth.

The only thing she could do now is burst into tears and she covered her face with her hands. The very image of the world around her had been shattered by Sonichu's "confession." Sonichu didn't even give a care, seeing her like this was a sadistic dream come true. He always wanted to see her suffer at least once so that she can experience his frustrations towards her. Unfortunately, Sonichu is about to get much more that he bargained for. The fog had now become so thick that it was hard to see anything, Sonichu and Rosechu almost felt like they were the only ones left in the world.

Rosechu finally felt defeated, far too shocked to say anything back. She slowly took her hands off her face to unbuckle her safety belt and move to the drivers seat. But before she touched her safety belt, they heard an ominous noise coming from the very thick fog behind the car. (Keep in mind that the car is NOT parked on the curb, it's right in the middle of the highway!)

Like a phantom jumping out of the fog, Sonichu and Rosechu stared in horror as a huge 18-wheeler truck was coming right at them! (Remember, Sonichu's not in the car, but Rosechu still is!) They both saw the truck driver's very surprised face and the driver quickly jammed his brake as hard as he could. Sonichu instinctively jumped back to avoid the impact, but immediately remembered about Rosechu! But it was too late though, the 18-wheeler smashed into the back of the car at full force and carried it through the dense fog, leaving behind a very shocked electric hedgehog. It took nearly a football field distance to come to a complete stop. Sonichu snapped out of his shock and quickly followed, hoping and praying to God and Jesus that she was all right.

Warning: the following gets rather graphic, but not as graphic as Chris' comics. You've been warned!

What Sonichu saw was like a nightmare to him. Rosechu's car was now pointing the opposite direction that it originally was. About fifty feet behind the car, He could barely make out the 18-wheeler truck that smashed into the car. He noticed that the truck and its trailer had swerved sideways, forming a wall across the entire highway.

A few other cars that were passing by nearly hit the truck as well. But they all stopped miraculously in time and simply drove around the truck. They had to drive on the shoulder of the highway to do this. Sonichu could hear insults being exchanged between the truck driver and the other passing cars. All the cars seemed oblivious to Sonichu and Rosechu's predicament, except the truck driver.

Sonichu raced over to Rosechu's wrecked car, the back was smashed in and some windows were shattered. "Rosechu! Are you all right? Speak to me, say something!" Rosechu just made a few groans, so obviously she's still alive. He noticed that the chest strap of her safety belt had snapped. He also noticed her injuries and they didn't seem life threatening. Her face was slightly bloody and her nose was definitely broken. He also noticed a couple of her teeth stuck on the dashboard and also a few small bruises, cuts, and scrapes all over her.

He tried to open up Rosechu's door to help her, but it was jammed. He ran around to the driver's side door and noticed that the door had completely broken off, giving Sonichu easy access to help her. Sonichu climbed half-way in, pushing away the limp driver's airbag (contrary to popular stereotypes, airbags DO NOT stay inflated. They inflate for only about a second or two, just long enough to protect your head from the steering wheel. However, in Rosechu's case, this doesn't matter). He reached over and tried to unbuckle the rest of her safety belt, but it was stuck (how that could happen is beyond me).

The truck driver jumped out of his 18-wheeler and ran over to them to give any possible help. "Hey, is there any way I can help? I don't want to leave you guys like this."

Sonichu was now getting very frantic. He didn't want to use his electric moves to cut off the safety belt, he could injure her even more. Sonichu then looked at the driver, "do you have something that can cut off this thing?"

The driver was also starting to get nervous, "um, oh yeah! I have a ''pocket knife''." He quickly started digging through his pockets.

"Great," Sonichu said, slightly relieved, "and after that, call the ambulance." The truck driver was taking a long time searching through his pockets. "HURRY UP SLOWPOKE!" Sonichu almost screamed at him.

Sonichu and the truck driver are working frantically to pry Rosechu out of her car. She was bleeding badly out of her mouth, possibly from losing her teeth. While the truck driver was trying to find his pocketknife, Sonichu decided to ask a few questions. "Hey, what's your name?"

The truck driver replied, "well, you called me 'slowpoke' didn't you? Just kidding, lol, it's Yssup." "There it is," Yssup finally found his pocket knife, now he just has to open it! "It's kind of stuck, so I'll have to mess with it a little to get the blade out."

Sonichu is now starting to get annoyed, but he's mostly worried about Rosechu's condition. He also wanted Yssup to jump back into his truck and get it out of the way before a pile-up occurs. He asked Yssup another question to temporarily get his mind off his worries. He noticed that the fog was still very thick.

"Ken, tell me what happened after you hit that car," Sonichu asked with a nervous tone.

Yssup was still trying to get the blade out, "I was doing about 35 mph, the legal speed limit for this kind of weather. What's the matter with this knife? Anyways, after I saw the car, I slammed on my brake. Controlling this truck with a 25 ton trailer is no easy task, especially in this fog. Slamming the brake causes a huge loss in control of my truck and the trailer, and it's very hard to regain control. I'm surprised that I didn't tip over or drive off the highway." Sonichu didn't care about the autistic attention to details. He got enough of that in the daytime.

"Okay," Sonichu said, "if your truck hit the car from BEHIND, how did you end up further down the road than the car? Do you need help with that?" Sonichu pointed at the pocket knife.

"That's all right, I've almost got it," Yssup said as politely as his nervous self could, "as for the car, as soon as I hit it, I completely lost control of my truck and I was continuously swerving back and forth to regain control. While doing this, I saw the car slip loose from the front of my truck and ended up where you see it now. As for me, I continued down the road and managed to stop completely. But since I have no control of my truck, it stopped in the position that you now see. My truck is now an illegal roadblock!" Yssup finally pulled out the knife, "all right! I got it!"

"Hurry up, before something else happens." Sonichu was looking around very nervously, trying to see anything else through the thick fog. He was very afraid of what could come out next. Unfortunately, his fears are about to come true very soon (SPOILER ALERT).

Rosechu gave a loud moan and started stirring. "S-Sweet Bolt, where are you?"

Sonichu went to her side, "Zapbud, please don't move. Your badly injured and I don't want you moving around too much." His concern for her was so great that he no longer noticed his headache (it's still there though).

Rosechu gave a weak and bloody smile, "I guess Bubbles should have bought a car with a better air bag and a stronger safety belt. When I recover, I'm gonna sue the car company. Hehe." She gave a short laugh and started wincing from the pain, especially from her face.

While Sonichu was comforting Rosechu, Yssup finally cut of her safety belt. "All right, it's done. I'll go run to my truck and call an ambulance." Sonichu immediately tried to pull Rosechu out, but her leg was caught on something.

"Rosechu," Sonichu said, trying to say calm, "I'm going to pull your leg free, so try not to move around, okay?"

Yssup barely took two steps when they all heard another loud engine noise coming from the fog, and then some headlights. They were all terrified when another 18-wheeler truck came rushing out of the fog, going faster than the first truck, and was coming right at them! This driver didn't see the car because the idiot was drinking a large glass of CWC Cola that covered his face! They just stared and they were all petrified. Sonichu snapped out of it and tried to pull Rosechu out, but he was just a split second too late. Yssup also snapped out of his terrified trance and just barely jumped out of the way.

The 18-wheeler smashed into the FRONT of the car at full force, and the truck's brakes weren't hit this time. (Remember, the car is now pointing the opposite way from the first impact, and this time Rosechu no longer has her safety belt!) Once again, the car is being carried down the road. The force of the impact threw Sonichu out of the car, but Rosechu is still inside! (Sonichu was only halfway inside the car, so he got flung out). He managed to land on his feet, but he sprained his ankle. He looked towards the car and was completely horrified by what he's seeing.

The second truck was carrying the car towards the other 18-wheeler. The car is about to be smashed between two big 18-wheeler trucks and Rosechu's still in the car! The second truck's brakes were squealing loudly to avoid the impact, but it was far too late. Sonichu sprung up to at least try to save her, but he quickly fell over from his twisted ankle.

He then screamed with horror, "Rosechu, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Rosechu noticed the truck coming behind her and realized that she's about to get crushed. "SONICHU, AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!"

The little 1-ton car was immediately crushed between the two 30-ton trucks. Shards of glass and metal were flying all over the place. Sonichu couldn't see the actual crash through the thick fog, but everyone within several miles could hear the impact, especially Sonichu. He quickly got back up and limped over to the crash scene as fast as his twisted-ankle leg could take him.

When he finally arrived, the scene was nothing short of a total nightmare. He could see that the second truck had crashed into the side of Yssup's truck. However, he couldn't find Rosechu's car anywhere! He decided to check between the truck for any sign of Rosechu. He ran over as fast he could, trying his best to ignore the pain shooting up his ankle.

Warning: This part is more graphic than the last chapter. You've been warned! But then again you read the Sonichu comics so fuck it.

Sonichu looked between the two wrecked trucks, and indeed he found her car. Luckily, her door had completely broken off. However, what he saw will haunt him forever. He got a good look at Rosechu and nearly threw up from what he saw. Her WHOLE body was very bloody, in fact there was hardly any pink color anywhere on her. It was as if she just dove into a pool of red paint, even her gloves and boots were bloody. Her whole body was crushed between her seat and the dashboard, now there's almost no way to pull her out.

Miraculously, she was still breathing (Which was as hopeless as a Harlequin fetus in brine breathing for air), but she had a very shocked and dazed look on her face. Sonichu also noticed that her hand was covering the right side of her head. He moved her hand away and saw something stuck to the side of her head.

Rosechu then turned her head to look at him, "S-Soooonniiiiichhhhhuuuuu," she struggled to speak in a whispering tone.

Sonichu almost jumped out of his shoes from what he saw, "this...this can't be real!"

He had a good view of Rosechu's head, and he was sure that he'll have nightmares. A long shard of metal about a foot long and less than an inch wide had completely impaled her head. It stabbed into her right temple and was sticking out the top of her head! Somehow she was still alive and barely conscious.

Just when Sonichu thought the situation couldn't get any worse, it did. A few seconds later, Rosechu tensed up like a wooden board and quickly clutched her throat, as if she was choking or drowning underwater. Then to Sonichu's horror, she started vomiting blood very violently! Blood was even squirting out of her nose, and the blood splattered all over the dashboard and the smashed windshield! Some of her blood nearly splattered on Sonichu!

After a few seconds of this, she started going into violent twitches and spasms, she's obviously going into shock! Sonichu was in a total panic, he absolutely didn't know what to do. He looked around and saw Yssup was in his truck, finally calling an ambulance, despite his truck getting damaged. Sonichu looked at the driver of the other truck and noticed that he too was calling an ambulance.

He looked back at Rosechu and noticed that she was no longer shaking around, but she was going limp! "Rosechu! No! Don't do this, don't you dare do this! Rosechu, look at me, LOOK AT ME!!" He yelled to get her attention and it worked. "Good. Now Rosechu, squeeze my hand. Come on, I know you can do it. I don't care if you break my hand, just squeeze it and don't let go!" Sonichu's panic was almost uncontrollable. She squeezed his hand weakly, "now Rosechu, don't look around, just look at my face. Concentrate only on my face and keep holding my hand. Now don't give up, I know and you know that we will survive this, okay? OKAY!?

He noticed that Rosechu still had a constant trickle of blood flowing out of her nose and mouth. She then she stopped breathing and the life in her eyes were fading away fast. "Rosechu, please breathe! Cough out any more blood in your lungs and try to breathe!" She couldn't do it unfortunately, she lost too much blood and was once again going onto shock.

"Rosechu! Please don't do this, DON'T DO THIS Rosechu!!" He was afraid to shake, he could injure her even further.

Finally, her body relaxed completely. Her grip on Sonichu's had completely loosened, and the life in her eyes disappeared almost immediately. Her face had a very calm and peaceful look, as opposed to her face being full of terror and agony like earlier. Sonichu slowly released her limp hand, noticing that Rosechu was still "staring" at him with lifeless eyes.

At that moment, Sonichu's sanity completely left his body. He started laughing maniacally and babbling unintelligibly while limping around the crash scene. He then heard a few more crashing sounds and many horns blaring, but he absolutely didn't care. He clumsily slipped on a small puddle of blood and fell over, hitting his head hard on the concrete.

He quickly got up and started feeling very dizzy. The world around him started spinning and going dark. He then fell over again, this time on his side, and dislocated his shoulder. He didn't seem to feel any pain though. The last thing he saw was Rosechu's limp hand hanging out of her car. The last thing he heard before blacking out was the wailing of emergency sirens. "I hope that they're not too late," Sonichu thought, then blacked out. This has been one very stressful day. AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT!

Sonichu 11

2018-03-13T10:13:44Z

One With The Lulz: /* Comic pages */ troll pages

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = 30 [[June 2017]]
| pagecount = 102
| episodes = 22, 23, 24.1
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}

{{quote|For continued peace of my mind that will keep the drawing spark lit, please Donate or Pledge some money my way. Thank You All for your loyalty, fandom and patience. |Chris, May 2017, upon his re-return to drawing comic pages in 2017, asking for donations, despite still owing pages to [[DStecks]] for his $1,000 donation.<ref>[[Live Drawing Streams]]</ref>}}

'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever.

On 4 [[September 2015]], however, in an unprecedented act of will and determination, Chris managed to crawl back from his long dark night of [[Kick the Autistic|abuse]] at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages. The revival of the Sonichu comic proved too stressful for Chris, in spite of the fact that he had been paid over $1,000 to do it<ref>[[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages]]</ref>, and he dropped the project once again after 25 October.

Two years later, on 8 [[May 2017]], Chris [[Live Drawing Stream - 05082017|began work on the comic again]] and finished it on 30 June.

==Production Notes==
===2009===

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future. So far, Chris has kept the promise of not including the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]] as a character, restructuring the series to its original intention as an uninspired ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' [[Chris and copyright|homage]], although he would make a cameo appearance in a set of pages near the end of the Christmas special.

===2010 - Hoax conclusion===
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]." An archive of the pages can be seen [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/that-one-issue.197/#post-20215 here].

Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll<ref>[[CWC_Blog#26_April_2010]]</ref>. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.

===2015===

{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I have been unable to get that routine successfully habitual and set. The reasons are between my Emotions and Mood; I have to be in the right mind set in order to draw and create.|Chris, February 2016, shortly before citing a bunch of tired excuses as to why he wouldn’t work on the comic that he was paid over $1,000 to do.<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Bleeding Autism]]</ref>}}

According to statements made by [[William Elliott Waterman]] and his friend, Waterman had commissioned Chris, for $100, to draw Sonichu 11 pages<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-4-5-fearful-of-working.1331/page-7#post-26095</ref><ref>[[:File:Waterman commission CWC $100 .png]]</ref>, as part of a pathetic attempt to get himself unbanned from a video game blog. To that end, Waterman provided a script for Sonichu 11, including a page in which he begged the moderator of the blog to unban him; however, Chris merely used the script for inspiration and heavily revised it to his liking<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-5-11-sonichu-sketches.1402/#post-29062</ref>.

On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sonichu-11-development-images.12384</ref>. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were in fact new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.
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The glorious, yet brief, resurrection of the comic on 4 September 2015, when Chris uploaded 11 new pages, was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. One day later, a Youtube reviewer named [[DStecks]] gave Chris $1,000, thinking that Chris would deliver 100 pages of Sonichu. The donation listing was one of his best-selling items, until Etsy forced him to remove it, apparently because it violated TOS<ref>[[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal]]</ref>.

Despite being paid, Chris only completed a further 16 pages before dropping the project for another ''two years''. Only 27 pages were added in 2015, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, inappropriate portrayals of underage characters, walls of expository text and tone-deaf racism - are present and accounted for.

For the next two years, Chris would recycle a set of worn-out excuses for why he didn't feel like doing work he was paid to do. His typical claim of stress evolved to ADD<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Bleeding Autism]]</ref>, then dementia<ref>[[2017 tweets#Doopie defends Chris]]</ref>, and he also blamed [[Lulu]] for banning him over Sonichu being fanfiction. He last made those comments in April 2017.

===2016===
Chris discussed the comic with [[Arthur Spatchcock]] in early 2016.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And uh, kind of a spoiler, there will be a part in a future story where he-- where pretty much in a [[dream]] scenario, he has to swim in a river of essentially [[pickle]] brine juice.

'''Arthur:''' Oh no.

'''Chris:''' And he blows up during the swim.

'''Arthur:''' Really? So he's like, he's like deathly allergic to pickles?

'''Chris:''' Quite.

'''Arthur:''' He better hope he gets an [[wikipedia:Epinephrine|endephrine shot]] after that.

'''Chris:''' Well he's quite, uh, he's quite strong, so he's able to survive it, and at the end of the river is uh, is a healing pond at which he recovers from the allergy fairly quick.

'''Arthur:''' Well I guess that will definitely take care of that problem.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Arthur:''' Now are you going to be introducing any more new characters into the series? Because right now you've already got quite a collection of people already ready to go. But seeing as how previous villains in the series have either been arrested, or, or gone, or dead, or missing, I should say, are you introducing new villains into the series based on the current, you know, issues in your life?

'''Chris:''' I would say that's still yet to be determined. But at least I was-- at least I am definitely glad to give [[Count Graduon]] a past human form with which to lead into his spirit, and um, [[Duck|very small]] spoiler, among the uh, people he'll be bringing in uh, the bodies, he finds somebody that looks nearly exactly like he used to, and he brings in-- he becomes one of the Jerkops, so he brings him in and moves his soul from the Metal Sonichu into that body.

'''Arthur:''' Now I gotta tell you right now, I definitely want to see more [[Metal Sonichu]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll definitely see Graduon's soul in Metal Sonichu's body, and uh, [[Skysoar]] will be employed under Graduon, and he'll make a few more of them.

'''Arthur:''' See, what you need in the series, I think to really push the bad guys now, instead of just having Jerkops, you need like, robotic Jerkops, like 2.0.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, pretty much, uh...

'''Arthur:''' After all, when you have a hero like Sonichu... Sonichu is already pretty powerful, and all of his friends are pretty strong too. You need to start adding that concept of conflict by making the enemies tougher too.

'''Chris:''' ...Yes, that will be taken under consideration. I already have a few-- I already have a few ideas on my mind, among which. But that is definitely one I could definitely add into, uh, the uh, into the [[Jerkop]] and Janekops, there.

'''Arthur:''' Because--

'''Chris:''' Make 'em-- make 'em a bit cyborg.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, you know, it's like, uh, it's like [[Power Rangers]], the original Power Rangers, with Zordon? When they had the [[Wikipedia:Villains_in_Mighty_Morphin_Power_Rangers#Putty_Patrol|Putties]], and then they had the Lord Zedd Putties?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. ...Quite. But anyway, yes, I will take all that under great consideration.

===2017===
[[File:Beggingcountermay2017.png|thumb|Goddamnit, Chris.]]

After 561 days of [[stress]]-fuelled inaction, Chris suddenly resumed work on the comic in [[May 2017]], with a [[Live Drawing Stream]] on the 8th, in which he took half an hour to draw the line-art for a single page. The sketch from that session, with three others, were posted to Facebook on the 11th. On the 14th-15th, he recorded more drawing and filmed himself using Photoshop. On the 23rd, he posted twelve fully colored pages to Facebook, finally putting an end to the Christmas special.

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In June 2017, Chris finished more pages and placed them behind a patron-only wall on [[Patreon]], stating that free samples would no longer be available<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts#Patreon plans]]</ref>. This move is in marked contrast to what he had advertised on [[Etsy]] two years before, when he said, "[[Lie|All completed Past and NEW Pages will be uploaded and Publicly viewable on my Facebook Page.]]" Regardless of his shady [[business]] dealings, fans continued throwing money at him, with some leaking the pages to the general public.

After '''eight years''' of development, he finished Sonichu 11 on 30 June.

[[File:Sonichu 11 book.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris's copy of the book.]]
In July, he distributed print copies of the book, likely manufactured through [[Lulu]], to people who had pledged at least $20 to his [[Patreon]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/June_2017_Patreon_posts#Sonichu_11_page_91</ref>.

[[File:Sonichu11Credits.png|thumb|left|Part of the credits page]]
The printed edition of the book contains three pages worth of credits to people who had donated/pledged money to his Etsy and Patreon accounts, spanning nearly two years.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/June_2017_Patreon_posts#Book_11_completed</ref> The first two mentioned are early backers [[Waterman|Mister V.B.B.]] and [[DStecks|Daniel Steckly]].

===Speculation===

The ultimate content of future episodes was subject of much speculation. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making his reappearance no surprise; however, the bizarre way that he returns (apparently "played" by [[Silvana]]) seems to be a misguided attempt to avoid [[copyright]] infringement by having the blue hedgehog not be the "real" Sonic.

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This was pretty incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. A [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]], on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo. In the end, neither of this really happened, the "clip show" instead being a flash-forward followed by a flashback.

==Episode 22: "A Sonichu Christmas"==
{{Oversized}}
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
''This episode is not numbered, but as it skips from 21 to 23, this is clearly intended as Episode 22.''

In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching plot of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs and their hellish offspring partaking in various boring and tedious Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]]. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas]]. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes.. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.
Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries, and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]" and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good mornint". Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up the chimney and using his super speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom, Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches television]] and reminded that Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah, meanwhile, plays ''Call of Duty: World at War'',, with Kevin the Jew. Kevin's character dies and his score is erased (even though ''Call of Duty'' doesn't work that way as a game), and when he complains, Cera chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game, and soon after [[Magi-Chan]] begins chatting to Cerah telepathically about the incident, exploring her feelings for Kevin despite the fact that she's supposed to be a toddler. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home, they call her a cab to a soup kitchen. Robbie, eager for adulation, announces that he feels embarrassed by his professed enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake suddenly remarks furiously that he isn't [[Chris and race|racist]] before expressing furious rage at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retroactive flashback]] informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was never referenced before. She is reunited with Wild, her daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smartphone and explains very tersely that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion [sic]". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before almost orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for he indeed rocks. [[Evan]] is unmentioned. Sandy concludes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". The entire segment is, of course, a ham-fisted attempt to remind everyone that Chris rectonned the violent deaths of these men in ''[[Sonichu 10]]'' into an exile into Amish country.

Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. A nunwarranted author's note informs the reader that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids. Meanwhile, up in the mountains for some reason, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange wooden statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan suggests, [[Chris and Writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]], they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (the "table" is the altar of her church, which Chris evidently believes Catholics use as a dining table). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play. Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve, and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu about her clothes being destroyed and the great urgency with which she needs new ones. This once again muddies the waters regarding Sonichus and Rosechus and clothing; Christine is practically hysterical over not having any clothes to wear even though she's covered in fur and many of the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon never wear clothing at all. Clothing issues notwithstanding, Rosechu finds the now-adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, panties" before regaling everyone with a pointless, extremely detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidel cookies as a way of making amends. Kevin calmly explains how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her. These characters are supposed to be very young children. Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two whole minutes before deciding they're over it. Note that this is one of few occasions in ''Sonichu'' where an undesirable situation is not resolved in an artifically cheerful way. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their electric car.

[[File:48.jpg|thumb|Chris shoots down Blake's plans for a threesome.]]
Later, at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], all the Sonichus and Rosechus have gathered together around a large Christmas tree to engage in holiday merriment. Angelica reveals that she kicked Reginald out of her house after he "trashed her bed", but plans to apologize to him later. Punchy responds with the news that Layla has left him because she could not get along with the Bananasauros. Simonla asks what has become of Chris since her recovery, at which point Rosechu reveals that in the time since the last issue, Chris has transitioned into a woman and now goes by Christine. Sonichu goes on a spiel about accepting others for their differences and apologizes for past remarks he has made. Wild suggests that the gang should visit Chris to show their support, and the rest agree. [[Allison Amber]] makes her sole appearance this issue just to say that she has other plans and can't go with them.

In [[Virginia]], the assorted 'chus show up at Chris' house with a cake. Chris, who is depicted with photographs a la [[Sonichu 6]], accepts their kindness. Blake comments that Chris has a nice rack and then they all pose for a group photo, drawing to a close an episode that has been in the making for eight years.

==Episode 23: "Simonchu & Bananafunkle”==

{{see also|July 2017 Patreon posts#Simonchu & Bananafunkle script}}

[[File:VikingBoyBillyPatreon.png|thumb|Waterman has no self-respect.]]

In 2017, Chris posted Waterman’s 2015 script for this episode, which the latter had paid Chris $100 to produce. Chris had taken many artistic liberties with the material. Notably, Waterman had included a scene in which he pleaded with the administration of a video game blog to unban him; instead, Chris rewrote the lines to mock Waterman for being “juvenile.” Despite Chris being two years late on delivering, disregarding much of his script, and insulting him in the finished product, Waterman continued to give him money for the comic, donating through Patreon.

Summary

In West Virginia, Simonchu is repeatedly blown up by random underground Voltorbs while hunting for fossils when he receives a text from Simonla inviting him to her house. Simonchu decides to go and visit (taking a fossil and a Razor Claw with him), and we are treated to a flashback in which the retconned ending of Sonichu 10 shows that the Asperpedia 4 were not brutally murdered, but instead deprived of all their possessions by the state and imprisoned on an Amish farm for life in a less gory but still unconstitutional sentancing. Despite Simonla's retconned survival, Wild is shown screaming at a clearly distraught Simonchu, calling him a "murderer" despite nobody being dead, threatening to violently assault him (presumably with the intent to kill) over a murder that no longer took place. This begs the question-why does Simonchu risk death by showing up to Wild's house in person when he's clearly shown to own a perfectly functional iPhone?

Simonchu arrives at Simonla's house, where the latter suffers a fit of sanity and (reasonably) forgives Simonchu for his involvement in her not-murder, as after all, he wasn't the one who blew her up. Suddenly, Sandy returns home, and upon spotting Simonchu seems to immediately forget that her mother's death was retconned and yells at Simonla to "get away from that male". Simonla yells at her to apologize, and the mention of her middle name ("Samantha") inexplicably causes the clearly psychotic Sandy to enter a berserk state in which she breaks the fourth wall in order to threaten to drill the reader's dick off if they even so much as mention a variation on "Samantha".

Sandy refuses to forgive Simonchu for being "one of those trolls", prompting Simonchu to protest that he was against the assassination plot in the first place, to which Sandy screams at him to shut up. A clearly frightened Simonchu tries to stutter out a "Yes Sandy" in affirmation, but unfortunately Sandy is ALSO inexplicably enraged by shorthand variations on her FIRST name, which makes you wonder why Wild and Simonla don't just have Chris legally change it to something else so she doesn't drill someone's dick out at some point in the future.

The situation only escalates when Wild suddenly returns home, due to a Deus ex Machina sense telling him to be where the plot required him to be. Wild immediately pulls out a vine and by the next panel, Simonchu is out cold due to Wild committing the assault he threatened him with. It's only THEN that Simonla yells at her family to stop being idiots for five seconds, remember that her death was completely retconned out, and apologize to Simonchu for assaulting him once he regains conciousness. At no point does Simonla announce an intention to apologize to Simonchu for causing the whole mess by being too lazy to text her husband and daughter about this in advance.

Upon recovery, Simonchu claims that he was abused by the Asperpedia 4 by being trained to fight high level Pokémon and was "mentally dumbed down" by "videos of the seriously mentally challenged". Despite being locked in a cage, he was able to obtain Internet access by stealing someone's phone, getting Simonla's number, and sending her evidence of his plight. Simonla apparently promised to launch a rescue attempt that never took place.

Simonchu then explains that the plot against Simonla's life was a retaliatory strike for Chris's mass murder of hundreds of people in Sonichu #10. He details their plan to kill everyone Sonichu and Rosechu at the mall, which was apparently supposed to involve Sean throwing rocks at people and Alec setting more than one Voltorb. Simonchu explains that his role in the plan was to distract Magi-chan's psychic surveilance by thinking "Kill Simonla" repeatedly, a tactical decision that is comparable to setting off the sprinklers so you can commit arson. During his incarceration, Wild and Sandy visited him for the sole purpose of screaming at him for things that were clearly beyond his ability to control (once again calling him a "murderer" despite nobody dying), presumably because Simonla once again neglected to tell someone about an important thing involving Simonchu.

Wild and Sandy give a standard Chris pseudo-apology and the issue is promptly forgotten about. Simonchu goes on to explain that he moved to West Virginia to dig for fossils until recently, as he felt "banned from Virginia" despite being acquitted of any involvement in a crime and CWCville merely being one city out of many. Wild asks Simonchu for the Razor Claw so he can give it to Reginald so the latter can evolve, while Sandy offers to take Simonchu to the local museum to have the mystery fossil revived.

Thirty minutes later, Wild arrives at Angelica's church and gives her the Razor Claw. We then flash forward four days to December 22nd, 2008. Angelica gives Reginald the Razor Claw, the two have sex (thankfully offscreen for once)), and then promptly fall asleep. Reginald then presumably gains a level in his sleep while holding on to the Razor Claw at night, causing him to suddenly evolve into a Weavile. He then spends five minutes trashing every part of the room save for the section of the bed Angelica is still sleeping in due to some sort of feral rage. Angelica awakes to find Reginald huddled in the corner, now completely coherent and claiming that he's "evolved against his own will" (despite the fact that all he had to do to stop it was not hold on to the Razor Claw at night) and despite Angelica's pleas, he leaves for her safety because he thinks he is now "vicious and more dark than the night", forcing Angelica and her sister nuns to clean up his mess.

Chris then interjects, apologizes for not giving the episode a title yet, and explains that the rest of the episode will be based on a script Waterman gave him in 2015, though Chris states that he has taken creative liberty to add more details to the story.

Back on December 18th, 2008, Simonchu and Sandy arrive at the Museum and give the mystery fossil to an unnamed Rosechu scientist (who Simonchu considers asking out). While they wait for the fossil to be revived, Simonchu expresses an intention to move to CWCville and Sandy explains that despite being less than a few months old she was placed in the fourth grade after what was presumably a basic intelligence test. The scientist Rosechu then returns, announcing that the revived fossil is a new species of Pokémon that has been dubbed the Bananasaur (a Grass/Dragon type) and requests that Simonchu and Sandy breed it to obtain new Bananasaurs for research purposes.

The Bananasaur does not appear to be a normal Pokémon, as Sandy explains that it's not using whatever universal language Pokémon use to talk to one another to communicate. In fact, it appears to speak complete nonsense. At a nearby manga store, Punchy overhears what the Bananasaur is trying to tell Sandy--that he's a fan of Samurai Pizza Cats and AC/DC. Punchy enters the museum and begins to converse with the Bananasauros, who explains that he is the recently reincarnated spirit of someone who was struck by a car while listening to music on his phone while going to play vidya with his friends. Punchy offers the Bananasaur some Pocky, and Simonchu suggests that Punchy be the one to take care of the Bananasuar as nobody else can understand him.

Suddenly, the Bananasaur evolves into a banana-shaped dinosaur thing which Punchy dubs the Bananasauros (clearly meant to be Banana''saurus''). Punchy concludes that it must have been a friendship-induced evolution and takes the Bananasauros home. On the way to Punchy's house, the Bananasauros elaborates on his past life, claiming to be the reincarnated spirit of a high school "seinor", skateboarder, and "expert rad gamer" named David Rotgard. David the Bananasauros goes on to claim that he deserves his current fate, as shortly before his death he "cheaded Caitllyn on Henny". The two return home, and while David is happy to see that he can still operate a controller, Layla is upset that Punchy got a pet/adopted a baby/took in a random highschooler without so much as a phone call. Punchy promises to take care of their new friend, but Layla threatens to leave him if it becomes too much for her to handle. Punchy leaves to go play Call of Duty with his new roommate.

On December 22nd, Punchy takes David to the local Pokémon Day Care Center and forces him to have sex with a Ditto in the form of a female Bananasauros, telling him to suck it up. David is clearly traumatized by the whole experience and sorely regrets every life decision he made that resulted in being reincarnated as a banana dragon thing. After the Ditto lays the eggs containing David's children, David requests that he be neutered so he never has to be raped by a Ditto again. Later in the week, Punchy takes David to Nabe's dojo to teach him how to fight. Punchy easily gains the upper hand, until David notices a skateboard propped up against a tree after being thrown through a wall.

David crashes through the wall on a skateboard and begins fighting Punchy again, right after the Sonichu had patched up the holes from their training session a few moments ago. Punchy complains that David "lacks discipline" and is offended that he'd consider bringing a skateboard onto "sacred ground", but fights him anyway. David beats Punchy, as his skateboarding-based fighting style is too unorthodox for Punchy to read, but as he stands over Punchy and gloats, a loose floorboard flings Punchy into David with enough force to send both of them to the hospital.

Punchy and David return home to find Layla packing her bags, furious that Punchy would continue to associate with David after the latter's antics landed them in the hospital. Layla tells Punchy to not bother trying to find her, that she's unfriended him on Facebook, and that she never wants to see him again. Layla then slugs the Bananasauros in the face and ''devours part of his body'', commenting that he doesn't even taste like a fruit. David tries to apologize to Punchy via the standard Chris format, but Punchy is too pissed at him for destroying his relationship in just four days of existing to care.

Chris then butts in, declaring that he's going to be summarizing the rest of the episode because "time is short" and he wants to get on to his original ideas already. He explains that Layla hooked up with Reginald and got a job working as a secretary with the local power company and that the two moved in with each other shortly after Christmas. Punchy grows increasingly distraught as David doesn't pick up after himself, does nothing but play video games, and hogs the TV so much that Punchy can't enjoy Samurai Pizza Cats (with Chris insulting Waterman for the latter's idea that the two could be best roommates). David is hired for odd jobs by Shin-Nabe as a form of discipline training.

The episode ends with Magi-chan deciding to butt in, explaining that he's been looking for the cast's Mega Stones since the end of Sonichu 10, that he's fully aware of whatever it is that Graduon's planning, and spoilers that Chris will "nullify" a "spot of havoc" at a SLGBTQ festival in 2009, presumably referring to something in Sonichu #12, while claiming that Chris will stop writing slice of life stories after that.

==Episode 24, Part 1: "The Clip Show: Catching Up"==
Add description here.

==Comic pages==
Special Episode - A Sonichu Christmas
<center>{{collapsible
|12 pages from 2009
|<gallery perrow="5">
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File:SchuComic11P3.jpg|Despite Rosechu apparently loving to shop, this is one of the only times we see her in a different dress.
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<center>{{collapsible
|April 2010 Troll Chapter
|<gallery perrow="5">
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<center>{{collapsible
|11 pages from 4 September 2015 (pre-$1,000 donation)
|<gallery perrow="5">
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<center>{{collapsible
|16 pages from 25 October 2015 (post-$1,000 donation)
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File:Son11p39.jpg|Hey, Cerah and Robbie have evolved to- Oh wait, it's just Sonichu and Rosechu.
</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|12 pages from 23 May 2017
|<gallery perrow="5">
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<center>{{collapsible
|48 pages, June 2017, Patreon-exclusive
|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>}}</center>

The last three pages contains a list of donors, as a sign of gratitude from Chris, which are only in the print version of the comic.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3/ 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11]
* [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/that-one-issue.197/#post-20215 Mirror of Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Talk:Main Page

2016-05-15T02:58:30Z

One With The Lulz: /* Can't edit Sonichu 11 article? */ new section

{{protip|This talk page should serve as a place to discuss improving the overall front page of CWCki. For discussion on improvements to CWCki overall, please see the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]]. For discussing individual front page templates, please refer to the discussion pages of those templates. For other questions, please use the [http://www.cwckiforums.com/ CWCki forum].}}

'''Archives''': [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 1|1]] [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 2|2]]
==Make a new Saga?==
Even though Chris has been less active over the less couple of years, he has recently (since early March) been giving infomation about what has been happening over the last couple of years. I think we should call this a new Saga "Revalation" Saga. [[User:14recinez|14recinez]] 3:40, 14 September 2013 (EST)

the new saga is the Black Sonichu DLC saga, i posted a link to chris chan's facebook post in the news page --[[User:Beanmachine91|Beanmachine91]] ([[User talk:Beanmachine91|talk]]) 01:02, 10 May 2015 (UTC)

==Note==
Flipnote Hatena will be shutting down May 31, 2013. Also chris 2013 article needs updating.

==Did you know..==
Some of the "Did you knows" sound really over-opinionated and A-loggy next to the A-log article of the now.

Ex. "...that Chris is a disgusting human being?", "That Chris cannot dance", I also have a personal gripe with, "...that Chris was born on 24 February, the same day the Nazi party was founded?", as it associates CWC with Nazis. [[User:Cleftpalete|Cleftpalete]] 10:18, 16 December 2012 (PST)

Did you know "Chris declared his birthday national Christian Love day? He thought this was better than Mexican Flag day which is on his birthday February 24"
[[User:MsAuntieMama|MsAuntieMama]] 10:16 May 2015 (EST)

==ohinternet==
Should we include a da update about ED and ohinternet considering their past relationship? [[Supersheep|Supersheep]] 23:38, 19 April 2011 (EST)

==Happy Sonichu Day!==

Is Sonichu 11 or 23? Also, is it possible to make the Sonichu page the now article? --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 21:33, 16 March 2011 (PDT)

==PSN Tracker==
I have Chris on my friends list on the PSTriple.
How would I go about contributing to the PSN tracker? [[User:Dillon627|Dillon627]] 06:30, 28 January 2011 (PST)

==Protect the templates==
Seeing how the main page itself is protected, why not protect the templates as well? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:49, 11 September 2010 (PDT)
*There's already cascading protection for all the front page templates. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 11 September 2010 (PDT)
*Stop freaking out about this spammer shit, Champ has it under control --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)

== new vid ==

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAJvMKQeJA&feature=player_embedded

can't add news so there you go--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 13:38, 16 September 2010 (PDT)

==Can this be the new Quote of the Now, please?==

{{quote|I've learned... from my father; he taught and showed me which male ends go into which female ends.|Wallflower E-mails.}}

[[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 13:28, 25 September 2010 (PDT)
I'm for this too.
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 02:10, 21 October 2010 (EST)

*Ironically, I vote this for today. --[[User:MissMeg|MissMeg]] 15:11, 10 September 2011 (PDT)

==I suggest this for the Video of the Now==

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFHPbaNT04 [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 07:37, 28 September 2010 (PDT)

Since there's a white space in the Video of the Now (at least on my computer) why not feature this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqjN3amRD4
--[[User:Vofdoom38|VofDoom38]] 17:44, 21 October 2010 (PDT) This link is dead

== Project Map Fucking Everything ==

Started up this project and got a lot of things mapped down.

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ptab=2&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=116038930500742252038.0004949e055d81dc61c0b

I'd like to get all of the places he mentions/visits/films/rapes marked down on the map, but there's a lot of videos and some of them I never wish to see again. So, it's open collaboration and anyone with a Google account can edit it. Feel free to login and mark down different areas he's visited. Just try to be logical and succinct when adding locations. Don't need every McDonald's marked down. When doing videos of him travelling, try to figure out the path with a line and mark at least one end of it.

Now, a question:
Should we make a page for the full map or just link it in the bottom of the "Locations" divs on the other pages?
-- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 13:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)

*Put it on the locations template. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 13:53, 9 November 2010 (PST)
**Done. Couldn't think of a better name than Chris's World. -- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 14:11, 9 November 2010 (PST)

== Sports ==

Is there any inclination that Chris is into any kind of sport or professional sports team? I asked this on the main page because I don't know where else to ask it.
*Sign your fucking posts god damn. Also, no. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 04:18, 14 November 2010 (PST)

== Slight Error ==
Chris hasn't gone 5 days without the internet, he logged into youtube 2 1/2 days after he posted the leaving video.
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 19:46, 26 November 2010 (EST)
:Probably should have discussed this before just removing the counter... [[User:Smtp|Smtp]] 17:02, 26 November 2010 (PST)
::It's a non-pedantic count. We're really focusing on how many days he's gone without making a video - which Chris equates to "being on the Internet". --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 21:30, 26 November 2010 (PST)
:::Yeah, why is the counter back? I don't know how to re-implement that sort of thing or I would. --[[User:Bluedeanie|Bluedeanie]] 16:18, 17 December 2010 (PST)

== Vandalism? ==
Some guy named [[User:Trueandhonest]] has been going around vandalizing pages lately, claiming to be Chris-chan himself. Most likely it's a troll, but I just wanted to point that out. [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 15:33, 30 November 2010 (PST)

== Does Christian Who Cares know this?==
I don't remember his surname. Does he know that the creator of Pokémon has [[aspergers]]? At least Wikipedia's article says so... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satoshi_Tajiri --[[User:Doctor Whatever|Doctor Whatever]] 16:21, 4 December 2010 (PST)
* It seems that you just answered your own question. As to whether or not Chris knows, I honestly don't think he even cares. He justifies things when it allows him to continue his current lifestyle. He'd probably just say "Well I guess there are some exceptions" and move on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 16:39, 4 December 2010 (PST)
** You're right, I should have figured that out. Theres an article about his hypocresy, but its not really necesary to read it; it takes about three seconds of reading this wiki to realize that he's the biggest of hypocrites...--[[User:Doctor Whatever|Doctor Whatever]] 17:46, 4 December 2010 (PST)

==CWCki is pretty dead==
Chris isn't coming back, at least not for a long time. Despite this, there are a shitton of new editors who drop by every other day and fuck up articles. The only reason I'm really still here is to fix up the edits of these new editors. I think we should start finding the good articles on the wiki and either lock them or put a template saying not to fuck with it a la ED. As articles get fixed up, they get locked down, at least until Chris comes back (if he ever does, anyway). I get that it might take some time or whatever, but it would help preserve the CWCki should Chris never come back or I die or something. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:11, 11 December 2010 (PST)
*Well it was just a matter of time until he would end up in a mental hospital. I always told him so, but whatever. I agree though, that there are probably many articles, that can be protected, especially all the videos, mails, phone calls, chatlogs and whatnot.--[[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 19:09, 12 December 2010 (PST)
::I'd push for the templating approach rather than protecting. Article protection should be used sparingly. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 05:00, 14 December 2010 (PST)
:::After seeing old articles being still corrected here and there, I tend to agree. Maybe this Chris-free time isn't so bad after all. Gives us time to look through all the old articles.--[[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 16:51, 14 December 2010 (PST)
::::You guys have gone from reporting the antics of a potential criminal to stalking a retard. Really it's pathetic. Do we need to know about uneventful sightings at the mall or his activity on PSN? That sounds like having less of a life than Chris does. Every lolcow eventually dies down and CWC is finished. This isn't like that point when everyone thought he was done for but came back, this is it.--[[User:Goatselover|Goatselover]] 18:05, 29 December 2010 (PST)
:::::Obviously you know something we don't. Go on, enlighten us. [[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 21:08, 29 December 2010 (PST)
:::::First, as Champ said pretty much RIGHT below this, this page is about improving the main page exclusively. Take it to Offshore CWCki. I think your targets are probably mostly there. As far as I'm aware, the people remaining here are dedicated to the wiki, rather than devoted to coming up with new ways to stalk Chris.
::::::It's not even about concerning ourselves with how next to foil Chris' Heart-Meter. This is about the chronicling
::::::and archiving of this entire man-child's existence for the benefit and hilarity of all future new-fags
::::::--[[User:Boosegumps|Boosegumps]] 03:40, 19 January 2011 (PST)

== Sightings ==

Okay, question, as a field agent who is seeming to have multiple run ins with Chris (was the guy who took the kroger pic and I commonly see him when he comes into my work) Where should I put my sightings so I am not cluttering up the other pages? [[User:CFA|CFA]]CFA
:1. Sign posts with 4 tildes (<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>) if you want to avoid typing all that shit every time.
:2. [[User:CFA/Whateverthefuck]] is usually the best place to put your stuff.
:On another note, I appreciate that CFA is the name of the guy who took that pic, but that doesn't necessarily prove that it's you. Expect people to be critical of that statement. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 01:20, 16 December 2010 (PST)

*I did sign with 4 and I posted it up on the offshore first. Secondly, I asked because there is no article on sightings. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 10:38, 16 December 2010 (PST)CFA
::Signing with 4 tildes yields a timestamp. Always. There was no timestamp. The point I was making was that yeah, the guy on offshore is called CFA. However, you just made your account here and there's nothing stopping someone other than offshore's CFA from taking the username. As a result of this, even if there were a "sightings" article, you still wouldn't be able to just dump new shit there because there's no confirmation that you are who you say you are. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 11:10, 16 December 2010 (PST)
*alright, then what would constituent proof for you guys? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 12:03, 16 December 2010 (PST)CFA
::I'd say photos ^^ [[User:Sonichu|Sonichu]] 16:01, 16 December 2010 (PST)
:*photos of what? My page on offshore or something else? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:56, 16 December 2010 (PST)CFA
::Gee, I don't know, maybe ''the picture you originally uploaded to Offshore CWCki''? --[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 22:39, 16 December 2010 (PST)
::I think the best picture to upload would be proof that you can log into CFA's account on Offshore. If you have any new pics, those work too, but I don't expect you to have to do too much work for this. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 11:07, 17 December 2010 (PST)
*[[Image:CFA offshore.png|300px]] [[User:CFA|CFA]] 12:41, 17 December 2010 (PST)CFA

:*In the future, posts like this go in the Community Portal and not here. This discussion page strictly involves improving the main page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:33, 19 December 2010 (PST)
*My apologies [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:54, 19 December 2010 (PST)CFA

== Is This Chris? ==

He apparently stalked the shit out of liquid Chris therefore leading him to know his whereabouts along with his real name. So, he decided to post a video about it for some "troll busting".

Here's his channel:
[http://www.youtube.com/user/CarlosChantor]

- 06:33 (CST) January 6,2011

I doubt it. I mean, do you see him putting together such a coherent video and hacking someone's facebook. The only Chris-like thing about it is that they got the wrong one of the twins pegged as Liquid.....

ARIGOLD17 WHO CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SIGN POSTS- 3:30 (EST) January 14, 2011

== ps3 tracker change ==

the ps3 tracker says jan.7.2010 when it should be jan.7.2011. just pointing that out. [[User:Carnival Vexillarius|Carnival Vexillarius]] 10:06, 8 January 2011 (PST)

== Shojo letters ==

[[File:Shoujobeatchrischanletter.jpg]]
[[File:Shoujobeatchrischanletterreply.jpg|Right]]
*Front page, y/n? [[User:CFA|CFA]] 15:18, 26 January 2011 (PST)CFA
<s>If it's legit I'd say front page material, I know Chris watches anime, but somehow I can't see him reading manga. I think he'd be too frustrated to figure out that you read it back to front. I think this might be a troll impersonating him</s> Never mind it says 23, so no one really knew about him, so it's probably legit.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 06:06, 1 March 2011 (PST)

== Potential Video of the Now? ==

Some pickle-related drama, brought to you by ''The Kids in the Hall''.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECAvZTcaQew

-- [[User:Elliecoral|Elliecoral]] 12:31 2 February 2011

*For future reference, this should go [[Template talk:Video of the now|here]]. The thing about the video is that Chris hasn't used the "pickle" euphemism, as far as I can tell, since 2008 or maybe early 2009. It's just a really out-of-date term. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:12, 2 February 2011 (PST)

== Not sure if it goes here but ==

*First, no pics (due to working at the time) but Chris came in with Rocky. But here is the thing, he was with a group of special needs folks around his age, seems Rocky has gotten him to socialize with other special needs folks, that or the strange girl he sat across from was friendly with him. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:30, 25 February 2011 (PST)CFA
:Get pics next time. No, really. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:32, 25 February 2011 (PST)
:Oh and also, this is the wrong place to do this. This is about improving the main page. Put it [[CWCki:General|here]] or something. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:38, 25 February 2011 (PST)
*Thanks and as for pics, it was out of the blue, did not expect to see him that day (he normally comes in on saturday between 3 and 4.)[[User:CFA|CFA]] 18:28, 27 February 2011 (PST)CFA

==Userboxes==
*Would anybody have a problem with organizing the userboxes, like Trollboxes category would contain Clyde's, Vivian's, Jack's ect. Description/identitiy boxes, like all the ones that say this user is a x, like the American, straight, hikikomori. Then like title boxes like admin, grammar nazi, ect. I could organize them, but it'd take me a while cause I'm busy during the week.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 13:11, 2 March 2011 (PST)

== da update should be first ==

ps3 tracker later, or maybe just merged. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 15:39, 2 March 2011 (PST)
:I spent a while messing around with it today trying to find a better way to organize it, but I couldn't figure out how to change whether something's on the right or left side of the page. I guess switching the two wouldn't be too difficult because they're in the same box. No complaints here. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 15:41, 2 March 2011 (PST)

Just rid of the ps3 tracker, it's not even no longer updated. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 04:41, 7 April 2011 (PDT)
:I found out how to do everything that I didn't understand, but [[User:Freecell/Main Page|what I did with it]] still looks bad. I agree that Da Update should go first (and the quote of the now shouldn't take up so much space and the News/Improvement Project should go higher), but I'm not sure it can be moved without making everything else look bad. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 04:48, 7 April 2011 (PDT)
*I personally would have Da Update be first but Clyde insists that the PSN Tracker is more important. Take your complaints to him.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:11, 20 April 2011 (PDT)

==Seriously==
*What the fuck happened yesterday? What was with the creepy girl? Why was everything 404'd, though some of the 404 pages were funny.
: Seems like the server was just down. I'm not an admin so I don't really know. But the creepy girl has always been what you see when you specifically go to cogsdev.org or sonichu.com[[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 05:51, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
*I was just trying to check this site yesterday and I saw that ''thing'' instead. I can upload a pic of it, but... Was it supposed to be Little Red Riding Hood or some shit? [[User:KingClark|KingClark]] 09:26, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
:: I JUST tried and the weird Little Girls was there and then I re-loaded the page and it was fine... dunno. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 15:43, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
::: [http://www.sonichu.com/buletta.jpg picture] Based on the filename it's supposed to be [http://capcom.wikia.com/wiki/Baby_Bonnie_Hood Buletta/B.B.Hood] from Darkstalkers. --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 16:27, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
:::: Y<s>eah any time I've tried to follow my bookmark link that is set up to cogsdev.org, which has ''always'' worked, mind you, it now takes me to the BB Hood image after trying to redirect to sonichu.com. In order to actually get to the site I have to google CWCKI and find a random page and then backtrack to the main page. Am I doing something horribly wrong somehow?</s> As of my having written this, it'a back to normal now. Weird. Disregard me I am a buffoon.--[[User:Bluedeanie|Bluedeanie]] 10:14, 18 March 2011 (PDT)

==Ha!==
Nice touch for April Fool's [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 07:50, 1 April 2011 (PDT)

[[Random-access humor|IT'S RAINING CHRIS! HALLELUJAH!]] Also, if I may ask, what's the code for this? [[User:KingClark|KingClark]] 10:29, 1 April 2011 (PDT)
*note to self, listening to shpongle and watching the spinning heads here is seriously a bad idea! [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:43, 1 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
*When are we gonna get these removed now? They were charming on April 1st but it's two days later now and they're getting kinda intrusive. [[User:Airrider1|Airrider1]] 15:35 EST
** I use [https://chrome.google.com/extensions/detail/cfhdojbkjhnklbpkdaibdccddilifddb?hl=en adblock plus]. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:39, 3 April 2011 (PDT)
*** [https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/adblock-plus/ And for Firefox...] --[[User:Jewlay|Jewlay]] 12:57, 5 April 2011 (PDT)

== You are now aware ==

[[image:Youarenowaware.jpg|800px]]

:It could almost imply that they somehow know one another! I'm more interested in the book to the left of it. Also, sign your posts. Also, this page is about improving the main page, as you've been told before. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 04:54, 7 April 2011 (PDT)

Well, I thought it was pretty surprising. All this time, that creepy little face was staring at me and I didn't even know it. The medallion and stare really make it a winner. Maybe bring it up in the Barbara page discussion. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 12:26, 7 April 2011 (PDT)
*Sorry,did that at like, 2 am. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 15:38, 7 April 2011

== Remove the PSN tracker ==

Srsly. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 05:58, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*Or put it under the update section. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:41, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA

==TOMGIRL.PNG==
May I suggest a recoloring of the hair blonde? --[[User:MissMeg|MissMeg]] 09:31, 7 May 2011 (PDT)

== Liquid Chris Article ==
The whole "MOTHERLAND CALLS!" template has been up on the [[Liquid Chris]] page for a while, even before I became a member here. Has the article been fixed, or is it still in need of refurbishing? -- [[User:KingClark|KingClark]] 22:09, 7 May 2011 (PDT)
:Why are you asking this here? Try [[Talk:Liquid Chris]]. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 23:22, 7 May 2011 (PDT)
:: The reason I asked here was because nobody has added anything new the article since March (ignoring a recent edit-revert), and nobody has done anything with the talk page since last September. I was just wondering if this should be the Improvement Project of the Now if it's gone nowhere for a while. [[User:KingClark|KingClark]] 10:09, 10 May 2011 (PDT)

== An error in dating? ==

Today's "''This day in Christory''" features [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video from February 5th, 2009]], but today is ''June 5th''. Is this intentional? --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 10:37, 5 June 2011 (PDT)
*The video was from 5 Feb, but his CChanSonichu account was indeed hacked on 5 June. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 13:52, 5 June 2011 (PDT)

== Kim ==
Have we pulled a Wallflower on Kim? If not why doesn't she have a page, any information on her other than in passing, emails, phone calls, etc? [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 21:45, 6 June 2011 (PDT)

==Just for you==
I while ago I figured out the code for making youtube audio play in the background based on ED's code for it. I just forgot to share it with you. Its a nice touch for user pages, but I wouldn't recommend them for Cwcki articles.

ev:youtube|'''(The Stuff After watch?v=)'''&autoplay=1&loop=1&start=1" height="1" width="1" fposition="left" frame="false"

except add '''{{#''' at the beginning and '''}}''' at the end, and lose the '''(''' ''')''' parenthese

Sorry if its confusing, ask [[User:freecell|freecell]] if you need help, he or she uses it too.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 20:01, 12 July 2011 (PDT)

==No detective needed==
Okay, you don't have to be a fucking detective to tell that [[User:Youdonttellmewhattodo|Youdonttellmewhattodo]], [[User:Nothingyouneedknow|Nothingyouneedknow]], [[User:GodoftheGodsofgod|GodoftheGodsofgod]] are the same fucking person seeing as all three accounts were made four minutes between each and they've been posting stupid shit, complimenting Chris, and blanking pages. It's an idiot, troll, or hell possibly Chris. [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 11:34, 19 July 2011 (PDT)
:I don't think they're the same people. And I checked for some of them, they're not Chris. I don't remember specifically though and I'm kind of too lazy to check again. [[User:Canine|Canine]] 08:53, 20 July 2011 (PDT)
::Ok, sat down and checked those three again. Not Chris. [[User:Canine|Canine]] 08:58, 20 July 2011 (PDT)

==New videos==
Chris just posted a couple of new videos and from the looks of it, relating to that forum that he's been posting on. --[[User:KHSilverRock|KHSilverRock]] 11:27, 6 August 2011 (PDT)
*Two more videos have gone up. --[[User:KHSilverRock|KHSilverRock]] 14:38, 9 August 2011 (PDT)
* I just posted the update but there still aren't any pages about the videos. I would but I'm really goddamn tired and I feel like shit. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 14:41, 9 August 2011 (PDT)
** It's cool, they'll get made eventually, and I can't wait, to be honest, I missed the shinagins that Chris provided in his videos. --[[User:KHSilverRock|KHSilverRock]] 14:49, 9 August 2011 (PDT)

== Earthquake ==

Think CWC was affected by the 5.9 earthquake in Virgina at 2PM?--[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 11:17, 23 August 2011 (PDT)
:If he was, I'm sure we'll be updated. Until then, there's no way we could know. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 11:21, 23 August 2011 (PDT)

:Unless a big box of Barb's Salvation Army finds crushed him.--[[User:Shefap|Shefap]] 12:27, 23 August 2011 (PDT)
:* There's a website [http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/dyfi/events/se/082311a/us/index.html] that will tell you where people in VA are saying they felt shaking. Around where Chris lives, there were reports of little-to-no shaking felt and no damage reported. He probably heard about the earthquake, but they probably felt nothing more than a vibration. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 14:05, 23 August 2011 (PDT)

== Article of the now. ==

shouldnt the Article of the now be Bob chandler? -[[User:HitIar|HitIar "wunderbar!"]] 12:50, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
:Indeed, I think Bob's bio should be article of the now until Chris uploads his next video. Then the article of the now should be changed into [[Chris and death]], as the most important thing about the next vid will be a demonstration of how Chris reacts (if he does react at all) to the death of a parent.
::Done, hope I did it right. -[[User:HitIar|HitIar "wunderbar!"]] 14:12, 10 September 2011 (PDT)
::*In the future, please refer discuss the Article of the now on its [[Talk:Article of the now|talk page]].

==Bob CWCki logo==
I found [[:File:BobCWCkiLogo.jpg|this gem]] we used ages ago for Bob's birthday, would it be in poor taste to post it in place of the current logo, for a while? Or perhaps someone could modify it to reflect his passing? I ask because I don't want to horribly offend people.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:50, 11 September 2011 (PDT)
*I second this, but not for too long. --[[User:MissMeg|Mary Lee Walsh | All hail the dean!]] 12:46, 25 September 2011 (PDT)
*It would have been appropriate for down time, maybe as a 404 message, but now that he's passed on, it is a bit distasteful. It would have been even more offensive if you planned to do this 5 days after his death. [[User:LAG4U|LAG4U]] 16:46, 25 September 2011 (PDT)

== Chris' family tree. ==

We should expand on Chris family lineage, because Barbara's father died in an unusual way.

J.O. WESTON, OF RED OAK IS KILLED
Joseph Otto Weston, 58, a farmer, was killed late Friday when he apparently fell from his horse drawn wagon on a rural road near Red Oak Charlotte County.
Weston, of Red Oak, was hauling wood. Apparently he fell from the wagon and under a rear wheel.
His body was discovered after the driverless horse and wagon turned up at a nearby service station.
Dr. P.H. Winston, of Clarksville, medical examiner, said death was caused by a broken neck.
Surviving are his wife, Mrs. Carrie Winn Weston; five daughters, Mrs. Wilborne Bourne, of Richmond, and Mrs. Edward Carey and Misses Barbara Ann, Mabel and Harriet Weston, of Red Oak; three sons, William S. Weston, with the Navy at Norfolk, and DeRoy Lewis and Curtis Wayne Weston, of Red Oak; three brothers, Alfred Weston, of Chase City, and Daniel and Roy Weston, of Red Oak; one sister, Mrs. Mabel M. Blacklidge of Richmond, and one grandchild.
A funeral service was held at 1:30 p.m. Sunday at Antioch Baptist Church.
(Source: The Charlotte Gazette, Drakes Branch, VA, Thursday, April 14, 1955 Submitted by: Bea. Adams King)

http://genealogytrails.com/vir/charlotte/obits_w.html

This is the same Joesph Otto Weston that in mentioned in that Family tree.

== Edit-hiding ==

What's going on with all the edit-hiding? --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 10:49, 6 November 2011 (PST)
:I try to use the feature sparingly, but basically it's for the protection of users. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 10:52, 6 November 2011 (PST)

== Stop this ==

The article of now has had bob plastered on it for 2 months, it's getting old so I decided to put an underrated sonichu character onto it and don't whine to me about it being disrespectful to bob, fuck bob! --[[User:cj|cj]]
*Personally, I think Jiggliami can eat a dick. Anyways, if you really felt that we needed a new article, you could have done something that made sense like, oh I don't know, [[28 October 2011]], instead of a character that has no relevance to what is happening in Chris's life at the moment. It's not that you're being disrespectful, it's just that you need to act a little more professionally on this site, even if it is a wiki devoted to an autistic manchild. [[User:LAG4U|LAG4U]] 10:31, 10 November 2011 (PST)

== what is this? ==

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt-gfkWu8Bc&feature=channel_video_title

Apparently this might be chris --[[User:The0range|The0range]]
*One, sign your comments. Two, this person claims they talked to a channel called "HuaYifu" and that this person was Chris. All you would have had to do is looked at HuaYifu's channel and you would have realized this wasn't Chris. This person has NOTHING uploaded on their channel that Chris would have done, never claims to be Chris, and never talks about Sonichu or Rosechu (which would have happened if it was Chris). This is NOT Chris. I'm not even sure how these messages came to be unless HuaYifu is trolling the owner of this video... or they both were in on it. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:47, 10 December 2011 (PST)

But why is the uploader of the video so convinced it's him though? It seem so obvious that it's not him that there might be more to it... --[[User:The0range|The0range]]

==Proper usage of words where time is concerned==

I have noticed that there are many pages that refer to "a recent video" or use similar assumptive language with regards to time. We should refrain from this type of language as the cwciki, and those pages, will be around long after the word "recent" fails to apply. [[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 11:35, 15 December 2011 (PST)
:I've said exactly the same thing. I change it when I see it, but it seems people take for granted that other people actually have to fix their shit. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 11:42, 15 December 2011 (PST)

== STOP FORCASTING ! ==

Ok i understand the desire to keep every page up to date but STOP FORCASTING! Do not enter anything into the wiki that WILL HAVE TO BE CHANGED at a later date. Don't put on barbs page that she has an upcoming court date, because that will have to be changed after that date happens. PLEASE dont make work for yourself and others.. [[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 10:47, 16 December 2011 (PST)
:Actually, I think that one's fine because it's an article that will inevitably have to be updated. The main issue arises on articles like videos, because post-fact people will be paying attention to other things. "Current" articles have to be rewritten all the time. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 10:52, 16 December 2011 (PST)
:Event forecasting is fine on a Wiki when further information is expected within a reasonable timeframe. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:35, 16 December 2011 (PST)
:: i understand that if its on an active page then its fine, but when the forcasting is put on other pages it becomes a correctin issue. Its much better to just link to the appropriate pages and not speculate. Let the active pages do the talking while the historic data stays historic. In other words October 28th 2011 is currently the central location for court info. other pages dont need specifics until we know what the outcome is.
[[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 11:41, 16 December 2011 (PST)

== Current Events ==

There aren't ant current events on the current events page. '''So either we need to get rid of it''', or we need to put 'current events' in our 'current events' so we can have 'current events' when we read the 'current events' -xzibit [[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 06:09, 4 January 2012 (PST)

== Am i the only one who thinks there should be a second 'da update' type thing for significantly less important shit? ==

I'm not saying I demand this to happen, but it seems like it would be more convenient than checking recent changes for something that might possibly be new information. --[[User:Reldnahc C|I am tomgirlmanbearpig]] 20:34, 29 January 2012 (PST)
: While that's an interesting idea... anything that's "new information" is usually in da update. Anything else is usually something small, not confirmed 100%, or almost insignificant. I suppose we could have something small...but it would be getting updated quite a bit. At the moment, I think "recent changes" is probably a lot like another, smaller, da update would be... --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:03, 29 January 2012 (PST)

== Birthday Suprise ==

Chris will be turning 30 this year and that is going to have an effect on the wiki. There are places where phrases like "Even now in his late twenties" are used. This type of language is going to become outdated. Words like "twenties" "20s" and specific ages as in "at 28 years old, Chris still lives at home" will all eventually have to be changed. CARE MUST BE TAKEN when writing about time. Remember EVERYTHING is past tense and you have to assume that the reader is reading the information 10 years from now. I have mentioned time before but the whole 'turning 30' thing needs to be addressed separately.
[[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 08:00, 2 February 2012 (PST)
*here is an example "There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost thirty years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be." - This will need changing. [[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 08:16, 2 February 2012 (PST)
:[[Wikipedia:WP:SOFIXIT|So fix it]]. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:55, 2 February 2012 (PST)
:*Or as we like to say here on the CWCki, [[CWCki:DOITFAGGOT|DO IT FAGGOT]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:30, 3 February 2012 (PST)
::*i am fixing what i see, just wanted others to be aware.[[User:Slimz|.-~ Slimz ~-.]] 11:22, 7 February 2012 (PST)

== Revised idea ==

Maybe there should be a {{Timeline}} below "da update" on the main page, that would be pretty handy.--[[User:Reldnahc C|I am tomgirlmanbearpig]] 12:16, 5 February 2012 (PST)

That sounds like a good idea to me. [[user:poppybrolll|-~Poppybrolll~-]] 9:23, 11 February 2012 (PST)
*Sounds like a good idea to me too... i would suggest letting someone higher up the chain add it though. We just dealt with some front page vandalism (that was kinda funny BTW) but i think its a great idea [[User:Slimz|slimz - ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐]] 08:04, 17 February 2012 (PST)

== This is what chris actually believes ==

I notice this phrase attached to pictures all over the wiki. Some of the pictures are references to Chris believing that he has some sort of chance to get laid. But many are just derogatory and rude. There are times that we KNOW what Chris believes because he tells us but many times the pictures are misleading or speculative. example: the pic on the page [[Caitlin]] is an assumption and has no basis in truth. There are many examples of picture captions being downright rude and defamatory. I think its clear that none of us can stand Chris, but we should be more careful about that coming out in the wiki. The facts please, just the facts...[[User:Slimz|slimz - ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐]] 10:45, 29 February 2012 (PST) oops

: I [[CWCki:Policy#De-memeing the CWCki|concur]]. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 05:43, 10 July 2012 (PDT)

== Another Quote of the Now Suggestion ==

Now that the details of Chris's trial has been posted, do you think his outburst about having to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills- "That thieving liar doesn't deserve a red cent!"- would be appropriate? Of course, I'm still kind of a newfag here, so ignore this if you want. I just found it amusing. [[User:Alopax|Alopax]] 02:40, 11 July 2012 (PDT)

== Suggested article: Persecution Complex ==

I think we definitely need an article about all the times Christian has claimed to suffer/endured harsh trials in his life. For example, equating pulling weeds once with a Marine carrying the dead body of his friend back, as seen in the Father Call. Said Father Call is chock full of instances of Chris claiming to have suffered to prove his worthiness, in fact. I also don't need to mention all the times he has brought up being handcuffed in school, having his attraction sign removed at college, and getting suspended at college, for that was always frequent. He also grossly exaggerated the actions of the trolls in every interaction with friends, obviously... Even in his first ever YouTube video, he makes sure to claim that he has had a rough life: "I was diagnosed with high-functional autism, and I lived a, uh, somewhat rough life. I've had an abusive babysitter at one time." --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 16:13, 17 August 2012 (PDT)

*: Seconded. Make sure to include the fact that he's got a legitimate reason so see his bullshit as more important than it is. Also there's a page for requesting articles. Now get to work, soldier. [[User:CaveJohnson|CaveJohnson]] 20:33, 17 August 2012 (PDT)

== Confused ==

So, what's the deal? Is this site just an ironic way of trolling him, or what? I heard this was dedicated towards supporting him from outside sources, but looking at the content, I'd say you'd either have to be trolling him using irony and sarcasm, or as stupid as Chris himself. {{unsigned|5thofjulay}}
: We're not for or against him, for most part. There's a bit of snark here and there, sure. We try to show Chris's stuff in his own words. Unfortunately for Chris, his material doesn't make him look very good. This site isn't really a troll site, just another way for Chris to troll himself. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 17:46, 9 November 2012 (PST)

== Forums Gone? ==

Should we mention on the main page that the forum has been deleted from the servers over at forumer? --[[User:Sparklemilhouse|Sparklemilhouse]] 15:41, 8 November 2012 (PST)
: Perhaps, if we can figure out what happened and what the following actions are. Last I checked, the forum staff was looking at their options. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 17:46, 9 November 2012 (PST)
: I wonder how much Our Pet Lolcow is chuckling to himself at the loss of our forums. Maybe he thinks we closed it ourselves to comply with his "apology post" on FaceBook; or maybe that one of his Curse-ya-meha-meha blasts actually worked.
:There's a temporary relief forum for the CWCki Forums: http://spergcityzone.forumer.com/index.php [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 22:51, 11 November 2012 (PST)

== Forums gone....again? ==

The most recent forums appear to be gone. Is everything okay, or was it closed due to some of the conflicts between certain users and mods/management? - [[User:I Be Bobby Boulders|I Be Bobby Boulders]] 10:52, 30 January 2013 (EST)
Can we make the forums ''not'' forumer this time? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 09:53, 30 January 2013 (PST)

Eagerly awaiting the forum's next incarnation. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 10:47, 30 January 2013 (PST)

Ditto. - [[User:Aiko-chan|Aiko-chan]] 15:31, 30 January 2013 (PST)
:We received a Chatzy screencap a while ago that proves that the people we banned planned to TOS the forum because nobody is allowed to have fun if they can't. Don't know if they actually were responsible, but that's the information we have. I didn't save the screencap, but I'm sure someone has it. I'm hoping that we'll have something substantial up within a couple days. We're just waiting on a couple email responses first. And it definitely won't be Forumer. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 17:10, 30 January 2013 (PST)

That was on the first day of the banning, and they settled down, so I doubt they did anything rash. Plus I've been talking to them almost every day, and they dropped it shortly after that day. The thing is that their forum was TOS'd at the same time ours was, so I'm assuming whoever did it reported both forums, and I highly doubt they'd TOS their own forum.--[[User:Someguywithnoname|Someguywithnoname]] 18:08, 30 January 2013 (PST)
:Yeah, this. There was some talk of going after champ's forum after the permaban of several people for trying to have something done about a crime committed by one of the mods, but it was dropped as a bad idea before leaving the brainstorming stage. Whoever TOSed either or both forums may have gotten the idea from such talk (and/or, more likely, simply from the predecessor forum having been TOSed before). [[User:SpergingAnarchistBagel|SpergingAnarchistBagel]] 12:14, 31 January 2013 (PST)

:They probably nuked both forums after they realized that A. They weren't going to be allowed back into the real one and B. Not very many people were going to defect to theirs. So they employed the Samson option. --[[User:Holdek|Holdek]] 10:40, 31 January 2013 (PST)
::That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard lately. At least half to two-thirds of the regulars from spergcityzone had "defected" to spergcentral by the time it was TOSed (basically everyone except for those who didn't try to access either forum during the short interval between the TOSings). Why on earth would anyone involved in running spergcentral TOS their own forum when it was pretty much already established as the successor to spergcityzone? If I had to guess I would guess that punchabunch TOSed both forums to try to get them to blame each other for it, given that they went down within 24 hours of one another and given his enthusiastic talk of "forum war". But there isn't really any way of knowing. At any rate, there's probably some troll who wanted to fuck around with both forums. [[User:SpergingAnarchistBagel|SpergingAnarchistBagel]] 12:14, 31 January 2013 (PST)

:::[MOVED RESPONSE TO RELIEF FORUMS]--[[User:Holdek|Holdek]] 13:13, 31 January 2013 (PST)

I'm currently creating a new CWCki Forums which is not under forumer. I'll let you know if it's ready. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 18:42, 30 January 2013 (PST)

It's done! First time creating a forum, so give me some tips and suggestions about it. http://alanpardewcwc.forumms.net/ [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 21:01, 30 January 2013 (PST)

I just checked my email, and brooklyn sent an email to everyone who shared their email on the last board saying that the new permanent board should be up by this weekend/early next week. [[User:Aiko-chan|Aiko-chan]] 21:49, 30 January 2013 (PST)

Well, at least we'll have a backup forum in case something happens.[[User:Saney|Saney]] 21:53, 30 January 2013 (PST)

The permanent board is coming soon? Great. I'll update the link later when it is up. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] 22:25, 30 January 2013 (PST)

== Photo of rental house ==

Surely the photo of the front of the rental house Charb are staying in should be the photo of the now. EXIF data stripped, of course. --[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 02:28, 4 May 2014 (UTC)

* I'm working on it. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 10:05, 5 May 2014 (UTC)
:: Cheers! That house sure looks spooky. --[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 11:44, 5 May 2014 (UTC)

== Lego Wishlist ==

Exactly how much is Chris' NEED list worth? What about his WANT list?
At the same time, he's selling items that should have sentimental value to him to pay the bills.
This def needs some looking in to!
--[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 05:07, 31 May 2014 (UTC)
* I decided to take this task on myself. Still weeding my way through ebay to find the lowest prices for each set, but suffice it to say, the tally is HIGH! --[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 18:27, 2 June 2014 (UTC)
**The grand total for what Chris is begging for in Legos alone is ~$4800 --[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 19:14, 2 June 2014 (UTC)

== QOTN ==

"The drawing that is being sold on eBay now is an Original artwork created by the original Creator of Christian Weston Chandler, and is solely being sold as an artwork with no original intent of profit."

**This needs to be on the front page because Chris is saying that his drawing he drew to sell online wasn't meant for profit.
These are disparaging statements. One cannot draw something with the intent of selling it and say they didn't intend any personal profit.
I'd put this on the forums, but null can't take jokes.--[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 20:03, 2 June 2014 (UTC)

*** The total list rounds out to just over to $4800 for the lego sets Chris wants. He no doubt deserves them... lol --[[User:Shutupman|Shutupman]] ([[User talk:Shutupman|talk]]) 22:17, 2 June 2014 (UTC)

*** Going to. [[User:Alan Pardew|Alan Pardew]] ([[User talk:Alan Pardew|talk]]) 14:23, 16 June 2014 (UTC)

== PSN Tracker ==

I feel like this is kinda taking up valuable real estate on the front page. Anyone opposed to removing it? I was pretty much against it from day one, it's been on the front page mostly to appease [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] but he's long gone. Not sure what to do with the extra space. I'd say to post his most recent Facebook posts but well, recent events suggest that probably won't be happening. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] ([[User talk:Champthom|talk]]) 09:42, 31 December 2014 (UTC)

*I'm all for a section on Facebook posts, but, as you said, it's possible we'll be seeing a lot less of those. Either way, the PSN tracker needs to go. [[User:Boomhauer|Boomhauer]] ([[User talk:Boomhauer|talk]]) 10:41, 31 December

* I dunno. I always kinda liked it. A constant reminder of how much money he wastes. [[User:Sweet and Savoury|Sweet and Savoury]] ([[User talk:Sweet and Savoury|talk]]) 12:06, 11 January 2015 (UTC)

== refer Chris as a female with female pronouns =

==Article of the Now change?==

So since the article about the Gamestop incident is getting old, why not replace it with this recent page about the documentary for Chris Chan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXjnakAlF-s)

== Many MediaFire Links are Broken ==

Hello, so all across the wiki are broken Mediafire links, and it's pretty bad. Is there any way that these links could be repaired by reuploading the appropriate files so that the public can download them? By the way, I've reuploaded a lot of Chris material on the Internet Archive (including two YouTube videos blocked off in the U.S.): https://archive.org/search.php?query=subject%3A%22christian+weston+chandler%22. I could upload the material (or you guys can) on to the Internet Archive, where they try to preserve anything that is digital. [[User:Letter Z|Letter Z]] ([[User talk:Letter Z|talk]]) 22:08, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

== New update, transgender ==

"...(s)he"

I have an issue with this. Hasn't it been decided we shouldn't cater to Chris' whims and call him what HE wishes to be called? It should be "he", indefinitely, I think.--[[User:The World Is Yours|The World Is Yours]] ([[User talk:The World Is Yours|talk]]) 20:02, 13 May 2015 (UTC)
*I'm kind of on the fence about this because I'm transgender myself. On one hand, I want to say that she isn't actually transgender, but on the other hand I want to be on the safe side and just refer to her with female pronouns. [[User:Melkor|Melkor]] ([[User talk:Melkor|talk]]) 21:46, 27 November 2015 (UTC)

== Here's a creative suggestion for the 'Da Update' section ==

Put goddamn fucking links to whatever the fucking update's about.

==CWCki Logo==
Hey! I made the CWCki logo back in 2008ish and I'm wondering if you guys wanted an updated version of it--It's pretty old by now.
The concept would be the same (Chris ontop of the Sonichu Ball), just in better quality. Cheers. [[User:Gleefk|Gleefk]] ([[User talk:Gleefk|talk]]) 19:11, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

== So, This Superrocks3 Guy..... ==

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdMsi-rtmbI]

This is John Paglia, aka superrocks3. He is apparently whiteknighting for Chris. I'm debating contributing an article about him. I've viewed the rest of his YouTube account. Either he is trying WAAAAAAAAY too hard to troll or severely autistic. Nothing really noteworthy has happened with this guy in regards to interactions with CWC. CWC liked one of his videos, and that's it so far. Should I get this article going or have I found some shit that actually is too minor for the CWCKI?

* I believe this is too minor for CWCki. There is many people trying to be funny by whiteknighting/trolling Chris, but we don't document them unless they have some actual relation with Chris and unless they have contributed something major to the CWC community (like [[Robert Simmons V]], who actually met Chris, appeared in the comics and contributed to the CWC community by uploading the Church audio). A similar case of someone trying to funny occourred with [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0BN13HKbck MasterEliteFighter] who "participated" in Chris's "embargos" and got a mention from Chris, but besides that, he is not really that notable to make a page about him. [[User:Helis5|Helis5]] ([[User talk:Helis5|talk]]) 18:13, 4 February 2016 (UTC)

== Can't edit Sonichu 11 article? ==

I've been trying to add the troll comic to it but whenever I try to edit it I get a blank page. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] ([[User talk:One With The Lulz|talk]]) 02:58, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Opie and Anthony

2016-04-25T11:35:48Z

One With The Lulz:

'''''Opie and Anthony''''' was a radio talk show in the United States that ran from 1995 to 2014. Well known for airing a number of controversial topics and stunts that resulted in several station firings and FCC fines, they operated independently on SiriusXM from 2004 onward, which is receivable by approximately 20 million people.

Chris was featured by the show in [[May 2009]]. The hosts commented on a [[Captain's Log]] in which Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|had admitted to drinking his own semen, among other things.]]

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Opie & Anthony: Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cL1xh489L1M}}
| stardate = 27 [[May 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
}}
=== Transcript ===
'''Opie:''' Now, this. I'm just gonna keep saying "now, this" and, and just start, --

'''Anthony:''' ''[deep voice]'' And now this.

'''Opie:''' --start audio.

:'''Chris:''' [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log, Stardate, uh, April 28th, 2009.]] Uh, it has come to my attention that, uh, [[April 16 Fetish Vids|certain videos]] of the, uh, "naughty nature" have been disco— have been leaked. Yeah, som— yeah. [[Speech impediment|''[unintelligible]'']] good idea someth— uh, if uh, it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but uh... I recycle my own semen... because, uh... you know, yes, I do [[Mass debating|masturbate]]--

'''Anthony:''' ... Wait a minute. H- He recycles it.

'''Jim:''' Yes!

'''Anthony:''' So, now, there, ''[sigh]''. There's only, umm... Does he eat it?

'''Opie:''' I'm gonna find out there, Anthony.

'''Anthony:''' Bet he recycles other peoples', too. Look at him!

'''Jim:''' There's [[List of toys|toys]] in his room!

'''Opie:''' He's a little nerdy kid, with a--

'''Anthony:''' Yeah.

'''Opie:''' --with a controller his hand.

'''Jim:''' He retarded?

'''Anthony:''' He's all nerdy. Nah, he's just a nerd. He's--

'''Jim:''' I'm not a nerrrd!

'''Anthony:''' He's definitely premature-ly [[Hair|balding]]. And he's got big glasses. ['''Jim:''' Mm-hmm.] And... he seems to be a little [[Tomgirl|effeminate]]. Xbox controller? Of some sort? And action figures all over the place. ['''Opie:''' Yeah. Let's--] All over [[Chris's room|his room]] that his obviously in [[14 Branchland Court|his parents' house.]]

'''Jim:''' The man's [[Chris and his ego|a complete asshole.]]

'''Anthony:''' Yeah. Let's find out more.

:'''Chris:''' I'm not ashamed to admit it; as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time.

'''Anthony:''' No.

:'''Chris:''' Anyway, uh, basically I, yeah, into [[Fapcup|the cup]] and, yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, unborn children. So then I can, then I can also still have a good number of... a good semen count.

'''Anthony:''' "A good semen count?"

:'''Chris:''' Keep it maintained uh, by recycling it.

'''Jim:''' Marble breath.

:'''Chris:''' And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners... of the, their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle. But if uh, you don—- if you don-- if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then uh, then you don't have to do it.

'''Opie:''' I, I, I, I, I literally, getting close, to, like--

''[commotion]''

'''Opie:''' --my whole mouth just started like, just getting all fucked up. But, this guy is putting his semen in, like, plastic cups, and then--

'''Anthony:''' And then he drinks it!

'''Opie:''' Good god.

'''Jim:''' Sometimes, though, cause the cum is so thick, sometimes what you gotta do is take a plastic spoon and scoop the cum down inside the cup so you get it all. ''[Anthony laughing]'' It's got a metallic taste.

'''Opie:''' Keep going, cause I think you'll get me to puke. I'm so-- I don't even know, I'm so close to puking!

'''Jim:''' He probably shoots-- He's a [[Slow-in-the-minds|dumb guy]], he probably shoots those loads that are like, almost like runny egg whites. You ever fuckin' see a runny egg white load you shoot? ['''Opie:''' Oh god.] And he probably fuckin' just, ['''Opie:''' Oh god.] tips the cup back, and takes a plastic spoon, and scoops the cum into his mouth, and then he has to rip the cup open and just lick the inside of it to get all of it. What's wrong with that? Nice thick load?

'''Anthony:''' [[Chris and reality|Oh, nothing!]] ''[laughing]''

'''Jim:''' When you're cumming and put your dick in a cup and shoot into it?

'''Anthony:''' I know, how much fun could that be?

'''Jim:''' And then drink it. It's still your body temperature.

'''Opie:''' Back to this, uh, nerdy dude. Nerdy dude? Nerdy guy, nerdy boy.

'''Jim:''' Looks familiar... ''[laughs]''

:'''Chris:''' Anyway, anyway, from after that the uh, second topic, the uh, one where I spanked myself. Yeah, I just uh, I was doing that for fun, cause you know, sometimes I do my random, silly, crazy things--

'''Anthony:''' Like drink your cum.

:'''Chris:''' --and uh... sometimes adults feel pleasure from pain, even when they uh, do it to themselves. But I mean, I'm, I mean, I mean, not to a point where they kill themselves, but I mean uh, just like, you know, spanking is a generally a pop- generally a popular type of thing amongst adults. But anyway, it's a, it's a fetish for some people, and I just randomly felt like doing that.

'''Opie:''' So he does uh, shots of his own sperm, and he likes spankings?

'''Anthony:''' He drinks his own jizz, and he spanks himself...

'''Opie:''' How old do you think this guy is? For real? Maybe 20? Maybe 20 years old?

'''Anthony:''' Yeah, yeah, he's in his early twenties. He's in his early twenties. He's obviously got a little trouble with [[Homos|his sexuality]]. Umm, from the looks of it, it does look like he lives at [[14 Branchland Court|home]], or in some, no, that's at, at home.

'''Opie:''' A toy store.

'''Anthony:''' This, this- ''[laughs]''. There's [[Barbara Chandler#Mental|too much shit in there]], from like--

'''Jim:''' Big Kev's house?

'''Anthony:''' Yeah! ''[laughs]''. There's just too much shit in that, in that room there. Uh, so yeah, he's probably a little confused about himself.

:'''Chris:''' And then the uh, third topic which was the uh, the uh, the photographs of, uh... me in [[Butt garments|adult diapers.]]

'''Anthony:''' All-righty. ''[everyone laughing]'' Okay, that's a whole other top--

'''Opie:''' Do you got the pictures of him in his adult diapers?

'''Anthony:''' I didn't see where that was coming. I didn't see that coming.

'''Opie:''' I don't know where the original pictures of that is. Apparently I think where this is coming from is like he's posting on [[YouTube|some message board]] going back and forth, and [[Trolls|these guys]] are giving him shit for [[Chris and...|whatever reason]], and like this was his big, like, response video.

'''Anthony:''' Ahhh. His mea culpa.

:'''Chris:''' Uhh yes, I did uh, get a free sampling of diapers from a troll, but regularly, regularly I uh, do not use them but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay; not, not a big deal, it's just uh, but, y'know, I wouldn't, I would not wear them on a daily basis--

'''Anthony:''' Naww, that's crazy!

:'''Chris:''' --I wear briefs. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do uh, I get very stressed out from uh, people who yell at me or uh, misunderstand me, or talk bad about me. And, and between that and other real life [[Stress|stresses]] uh, it just, it just builds up and sometimes uh, it just, I just have to, it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|poo my pants.]] But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime--

'''Anthony:''' What?

:'''Chris:''' I mean, pooed their childhood diapers ['''Anthony:''' Oh.] much less pooed their underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human; nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions. ['''Anthony:''' Respectfully.] And, uh, with that, I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a healthy, growing, sane, and sound minded, uh, adult individual.

'''Anthony:''' No, you're not!

:'''Chris:''' And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else. Private matters are private matters.

'''Anthony:''' [[Chris and the Internet|They're not private]], you idiot! [[Chris and...|You talk about everything!]]

'''Opie:''' This guy is INSANE.

'''Anthony:''' Yeah!

'''Jim:''' He has a good idea though!

'''Opie:''' What?

'''Jim:''' He, just recycling cum!

'''Anthony:''' Oh, the recycling cum part.

'''Opie:''' Let me, uh, I think we gotta find out more about this guy. Doug in Boston, hey Doug.

'''Jim:''' Smell that fuckin' bleach smell.

'''Doug:''' Hey guys, uh, if you go to Google and you Google "Chris-chan," um, yeah, his name's Chris-chan, he, he's fucked up.

'''Jim:''' Do you think that's his real name or is "Chris-chan" short for "Christian"?

'''Doug:''' No, his name's Christian.

'''Jim:''' Oh, it is, okay.

'''Doug:''' But, uh, he goes on websites and his name is "Chris-chan."

'''Anthony:''' Ahh, gotcha.

'''Opie:''' As in C-H-A-N, right?

'''Doug:''' Yeah.

'''Anthony:''' Okay, we got it.

'''Opie:''' So what, he's trying to be like an internet sensation with his, video blogging?

'''Doug:''' Uh, he has like [[Asperger's syndrome]], and he's really crazy.

'''Anthony:''' He's got ASS BURGERS?

'''Doug:''' Yeah.

'''Anthony:''' What is Asperger's?

'''Jim:''' They don't know how to interact with people.

'''Opie:''' Isn't that what Pee-Wee had, in that episode of 30 Rock?

'''(unknown source):''' Thank you, thank you oh dear friends. FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY!

'''Anthony:''' Greatest line ever delivered. Fucking brilliantly.

'''Opie:''' We got one more clip from like--

'''Anthony:''' Asperger's! What a dumb name for a disease!

'''Opie:''' It's bad enough you got a disease.

'''Anthony:''' Yeah, you don't want it to be called ''[together]'' Asperger's!

'''Opie:''' That sucks!

:'''Chris:''' But, uh, also, I, in reality I actually did those uh, videos and pictures as a favor to uh, an individ- as a favor to a, to an anon, to an [[Ivy|anonymous female individual]] who just wanted to get her kicks off of it. But you know, a lot of women, they uh, tend to get their kicks off of kinky things as such; an adult fetish, nothing to be ashamed of. I mean everybody's got at least one, I'm sure. I have some; I'm not exactly sure how exactly to describe them, but yes, I have some, and [[Honest Content|I'm not afraid to admit it]]. Thank you very much for your time and uh, have a pleasant day. Peace.

'''Anthony:''' There he goes. Mr. Internet Sensation.

'''Opie:''' I love that guy.

'''Anthony:''' There's um, there's some internet sensations out there, uh, some of them last, some of them don't-

''[video cuts out]''

==See also==
*[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]
*[[Toucher and Rich Segment]]
*[[WTFIWWY Segment]]

[[Category: Media that has been published in real life]]

The Opie & Anthony Show Segment

2016-04-25T11:34:56Z

One With The Lulz: Redirected page to Opie and Anthony

#REDIRECT [[Opie and Anthony]]

User:One With The Lulz

2016-04-19T12:40:19Z

One With The Lulz: Replaced content with "{{EDUser}}"

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Two beagles

2014-07-01T02:50:55Z

One With The Lulz: Redirected page to Clover and Snoopy

#REDIRECT [[Clover and Snoopy]]

My big 18th party

2014-06-11T16:55:43Z

One With The Lulz: /* Chris's story */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|thumb|200px|It was simpler times for Chris back when he was 18 - five young, attractive women were in his house and he was more interested in a Sega Dreamcast he got.]]
'''My Big 18th Party''' was a short text [[Christian]] wrote about his birthday in [[2000]]. It was written on 10 February [[2003]], and published the next year, in the third issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''.

The story depicts what is perhaps the high-point of his life, so much so that he still wrote about it 3 years later. This was the only time Chris ever interacted with his gal pals outside of school hours.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref>

The end of the poem is left hauntingly open, daring the reader to plumb the darkest depths of his or her imagination to find what this fevered wish of a madman rising could possibly be.

'''SPOILER ALERT:'''

It was to get some [[china]].

==Chris's story==
<center>'''My Big 18th Party'''<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews3.htm Sonichu's Poetry Corner (SND #3)]</ref> 
''By. Christian W. Chandler
February 10, 2003'' 

I will never forget my eighteenth birthday party; it was the best of the rest. The weekend before my real birthday, [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I prepared for the party I was going to host that day. We hung balloons and streamers, and we laid [[CWC Cola|refreshments]] on the table. At the door was four of my [[gal pals|high school *amigas]], and one of them brought a [[Lesbian|friend]]. We ate pepperoni pizza and drank Pepsi, it was great. As mother lit the candles, I was filling up with ecstasy. After I blew the candles, I was presented with… a big jawbreaker from [[Kellie Andes|Kellie]], an [[R.L. Stine]] novel from [[Sarah Hammer|Sarah]], a planer [''sic''] with stickers from [[Gal pal#Miranda_Joyce_Mitchell|Miranda]] and a rabbit doll with jelly beans from [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]]. We watched [[Wikipedia:Good Burger|Good Burger]] and had fun. After they left, it was done. What did I wish for? 
[[China|I’m not telling.]] 8)</center>

==Images from Chris's 18th birthday==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0465-CWC18thBalloons.jpg
Image:0466-CWC18th1.jpg
Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg
Image:0471-CWC18th2.jpg
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Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg
Image:0488-CWC18th19.jpg
Image:0489-CWC18th21.jpg
Image:0490-CWC18th22.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references />

 
 
{{Writings}}

[[Category:Non-fiction]]

Prank calls

2014-06-05T16:39:19Z

One With The Lulz: /* 'Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|FY5YYvlIKxk}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 1 Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
}}

<center>
'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|HubjBPUs2bY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Part 2 Transcript|content=
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|GMb4aeio7lY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|bx1p7BsuVoU}}
</center>

{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Sonichu (character)

2012-03-18T00:14:51Z

One With The Lulz: the jiggliami connection

::''This page is about the character. For the comic, see [[Sonichu (comic)]]. For other uses, see [[Sonichu (disambiguation)]]''
{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|Do not fear, world, for I am a new [[pokemon]]. And my name is… Sonichu!|Sonichu, the [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]}}

{{quote|Sonichu is Copyrighted and Mine Alone. Do Not Steal.|Chris, "Sonichu" [[CWCipedia]] article}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:SonichuOriginal.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 17 March [[Sonichu chronology#1988|1988]] (in universe)
17 March [[2000]] (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 5'4" (163 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] or [[Pikachu]]
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]
|-
|}
'''Sonichu''' (born 17 March 1988<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>) is the magnum opus of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. He is a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] and is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and ''"zaps to the extreme!"''

Sonichu's species, [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], evolves from a [[Sonee]], and can evolve into either [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]. (Even though the original Sonichu mutated from Pikachu, which just makes the ''Sonichu'' [[comic]] even more and convoluted.)

==Creation and development==

[[Image:TheFirstSonichu.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing of Sonichu, circa [[2000]], from one of Chris's homemade Pokémon [[cards]]<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>]]
[[Image:042-CWC'sFavoriteHits.jpg|thumb|The CD cover in question, [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth]]</ref>]]

Chris revealed on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth|fail Wikipedia page]] that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class. In March [[2000]], Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being a ridiculously simple project, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. It seemed as if Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:

{{quote|Then it dawned on me at that moment after lunch, much like the random creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] during Basketball Practice in my Freshman Year, Sonichu just bursted right into my imagination. A blur at first, but then it all became more clear and came together very well. So, as swiftly as the creation of Bionic, I drew Sonichu on paper from imagination, then I drew him on my currently open Photoshop program. 

After checking with Miss. Chalifoux and my father, who is BIG on copyrights and whatnot; SONICHU WAS LEGAL THEN, and STILL IS and ONLY MINE! So, soon after, the CD-Cover was made, printed and Passed with an A+ Grade. :D|Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation]</ref>}}

Thus, an [[Internet]] legend, Sonichu, was born.

Chris created the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]] five months later, in August [[2000]]. A few drawings of Sonichu appeared on the site, mostly on homemade Pokemon cards and other various and sundry shit.

The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The comic was completed and released in [[2005]], five years after Sonichu's conception (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out...).

Sonichu's character design has slightly changed since Chris scrawled the first poorly drawn Sonichu. Due to [[Megan]]'s influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet [[china]]), ''Sonichu'' took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for over a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the [[Chris and art|drawing skills of a six-year-old]].

==Fictional character biography==

{{quote|Yellow electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original and one-and-only, he runs faster than the speed of sound. When danger is near, he will slice and zap it up.|Sonichu's background, ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #2}}

What would later become known as "Sonichu" hatched as a [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] on 17 March 1988,<ref name="Son cwcipedia" /> which interestingly enough is also the exact birth date of Chris's cherished dog [[Patti]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti Eulogy for Patti] on the CWCipedia</ref> It would eventually evolve into a [[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]] on 26 February 1994.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />

{{quote|A Pok'emon Watcher saw this one making out with a [[Jiggliami|Jigglypuff]] once or twice. WILD.|Chris, [[CWCipedia]]}}

[[Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Making Out.jpg|thumb|Awww]]
[[Image:CWCsonichuduck.JPG|thumb|Ewww]]

One day the city of [[Station Square]] was under siege by the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]], and [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] attempted to battle the creature. While using the six [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic, Sonic bumped into the Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic. After dispatching with the Perfect Chaos Monster, and being mistaken for Sonic, the newly evolved Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of [[Pokémon]]: Sonichu.

After his transformation, he ran back to his parents' nest, where he found that they had been caught by Pokémon trainers. Showing the same [[Chris and death|callousness]] his creator shows after a loss, Sonichu does not seem to have attempted to find them, never mentioned them again, and even refers to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] as his father.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>

While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering [[Rosechu]] in the woods, he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, [[Kel]] and thus stalked Rosechu back to her and Kel's cabin, whereupon he introduced himself to them. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from [[Naitsirhc]] at [[CWCville Mall]], Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. [[CWCville]]'s Mayor, [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his [[Love Quest]].

Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father [[Giovanni]] and [[Doctor Robotnik]] used to create [[Black Sonichu]]. Black Sonichu was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and [[Metal Sonichu]] to rescue Rosechu, who later met [[Amy Rose]].

One day, while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious [[Cherokian]] chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], which reveals that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretells of the release of an [[Count Graduon|ancient evil]]. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], which transformed him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], the reincarnation of the head of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. [[Saramah Rosechu]], the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokemon created by the same effect that created himself and Rosechu. Sonichu led this newly formed [[Chaotic Combo]] into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.

One day, Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall when Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform with his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|twin sister]] into [[Chrs-Chan Pure]]. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.

After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] from [[1990s#1996|1996]]. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.

One day, after having hours of sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website [[4-cent_garbage.com]] spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis -- pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-cent_garbage.com building to confront [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.

During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing.

When forces of evil attacked CWCville, Sonichu took time out from [[Chris and anger|raging]] at [[homos]] and [[Women's rights|objectifying his wife]] in order to defend the city. When granted the opportunity to finish the primary villain once and for all, Sonichu released her in order to allow his father to grab all the glory of defeating her (and thus putting the city in further danger).

After Chris's return from the Time Void, Sonichu returned to his role as second fiddle to Chris, doing the latter's bidding as [[Ultra Sonichu]] with some godlike powers of his own. After [[Collosal Chan]]'s crimes against humanity, Sonichu served as "plaintif"[sic]/witness in the mock trial of the [[Asperpedia]] Four, and after the predetermined verdict, took part in Evan's brutal execution.

Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's [[duck]].

==Characteristics and personal life==

[[Image:Original-chrischan-rosechu-trap.jpg|thumb|MY ASS HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FIRE!]]

Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing and chillin'. He enjoys outdoors activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.

Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a ''Sonichu'' cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone.<ref>[[Mumble 6#Chris is Stressed.2C Moving On|Mumble 6]]</ref>
He is deeply in love with his [[sweet-bolt]], Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at [[14 Branchland Court|14 Brunchville Lane]], CWCville, [[Chris's_homes|Virginia]], [[Chris's birthday|02024-1982]]. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or [[Sonichu 8|vomits profusely]]. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|abusive behind closed doors]].

[[Image:Lolmarriage.png|thumb|left|"Christ almighty, I zap to the extreme all fucking day, can't I have a goddamn can of [[Reeb]] and watch TV, woman?"]]

Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal [[Chris and religion|sin]], Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today</ref> (a possible [[retcon]] by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves ''over'' their wedding rings and keeping their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three children]] — Cerah (potentially named after [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Sarah Jackson]], [[PandaHalo]] or [[Sarah May]]; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]], or the not-so-retarded [[Bob|hero]] of the Chandler household), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the [[Wikipedia:Flowers_in_the_Attic|attic like so many flowers]]. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as [[Wild Sonichu]] could truly survive in our harsh world.

Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the ''Sonichu'' series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When [[Giovanni]] asked him between loyalty to [[Reldnahc]] and make him into the Mayor of CWCville, or let Rosechu to live, obviously, he chose Christian instead of Rosechu without hesitation.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Image:SchuComic9P82.jpg</ref> Like father, like son.

==Sexual prowess==
When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily seven inches (18 cm) long, and often ruptures the [[raincoat|condoms]] he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic8P2.jpg</ref> Chris has also given very intense details to Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology Biology]</ref>
 

Sonichu's luck with the ladies apparently predates his transformation into an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, as his [[CWCipedia]] biography notes that when he was still a Pikachu he made out with a Jigglypuff.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />. Also, in [[Sonichu 8]], [[Jiggliami]] says she used to have a Pikachu boyfriend. This raises some very disturbing implications, as the CWCipedia article also gives 1988 as the year of his birth and 1998 as the year in which he became Sonichu, meaning he could have not been [[Pedofork|older than 10 years]] at the time of said liaison.

==Powers and abilities==

[[Image:SonichuStats.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu's stats. You know, for all the people who give a damn.]]

Aside from the obvious super-speed and body-spinning powers transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. Some of his special attacks include:

* '''Sky Uppercut''': Jumping punch to the head from below, presumably similar in fashion to the [[Wikipedia:Shoryuken|''Shoryuken'']] from the ''Street Fighter'' games.
* '''Mega Kick''': A martial arts-style kick, sometimes done in midair.
* '''Double Team''': The attacker quickly creates an illusion that there are multiple attackers, disguising the real one temporarily and allowing them an opportunity to attack whilst the target is confused.
* '''Spin Dash''': Attacker curls into a ball and spins on the spot, before releasing and hurtling directly into the victim in a high-speed rolling attack. In the original games where this move came from, it was capable of breaking barriers, but this has yet to be seen in the comics.
* '''Zap Cannonball''': Attacker creates a ball of pure electrical energy in their hands, before thrusting their palms forward to fire it at the victim, in a similar fashion to the [[Wikipedia:Hadouken|''Hadouken'']] from the ''Street Fighter'' games, or the [http://megaman.wikia.com/wiki/Thunder_Bolt|''Thunder Strike''] from ''[[Wikipedia:Mega Man 7|Mega Man 7]]''.
* '''Iron Tail''': Attacker swings his tail at the victim to hit them in a slapping attack.
* '''Mud Slap''': Attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes to lower their accuracy.
* '''Thunderbolt''': Attacker charges up electrical power in body, before releasing it at the victim in the form of a long-ranged bolt of electricity.
* '''Thunder''': Attacker charges up electrical power, and uses it to summon lighting bolts down to the victim whilst simultaneously firing off electricity for a powerful lightning attack.

Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] takes over the story.

Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and [[Blake]] are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually ''slower'' than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 km/h (124 mph), much slower than Sonic, who can apparently hit Mach 1 (1,225 km/h / 761 mph) unassisted (so far, the best Sega has been able to show in-game is around 300 mph (483 km/h) in [[Wikipedia:Sonic Unleashed|''Sonic Unleashed'']]). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 rpm, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze. (However, in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #2 Chris claimed that Sonichu can go faster than the speed of sound.)

==Sonichu as a Mary Sue==
[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|Sonichu is as straight as Chris.]]

One of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew [[trolls]] to Chris, aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, is that Sonichu is a [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]] unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.

When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is fast, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.

A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], during the battle with [[4-cent_garbage.com]], where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Sonic VS Sonichu- the battle nobody wanted to see explodes onto your computer screens!
Image:067-SonichuStats.jpg|More than you ever wanted to know about Sonichu's stats.
Image:069-SchuGlasses.jpg|Even Sonichu wears [[Pedo-Glasses]]!
Image:070-SchuVsBchu.jpg|SONICHU VS. [[Blake|NIGRACHU]] FIGHT!
Image:072-SchuRchuDisco.jpg|Fun fact: Chris would never actually go into a disco because it's too [[tobacky|smokey]] and [[alcohol|drunky]] for his tastes.
Image:073-SchuRchuCmas.jpg|Watch out Sonichu, it's Black Sonichu!
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|HE'S A STREET SMART COP WITH 20 YEARS ON THE FORCE! HE'S A ROOKIE OUT OF ACADEMY! TOGETHER, THEY DELIVER JUSTICE. COMING THIS SUMMER.
Image:111-CWCSchuRchu.jpg|Chris, marveling at his creation where either Sonichu is holding a minidisc version of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] or an unfortunate licensed [[raincoat|condoms]] with album art on them.
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|Yes, even Chris's game consoles have Sonichu on them, like his PSP.
Image:112-NDSonichu2.jpg|Even for your DS!
Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|Chris and Sonichu are keeping an eye on you, [[Evan]]. FIND YOUR OWN VIDEO GAME FRANCHISES TO INFRINGE UPON!
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:167-SchuCard1.jpg
Image:168-SchuCard2.jpg|That's right, he made a reverse foil card with actual tin foil.
Image:169-CWCsSchu1.jpg
Image:170-DarkSchu.jpg
Image:171-SurfingSchu.jpg
Image:172-SnowSchu.jpg
Image:173-CWCsSchu2.jpg
Image:174-SchuCard3.jpg
Image:175-SchuBday.jpg
Image:176-SchuCard4.jpg
Image:177-RaceSchu.jpg
Image:178-ShineSchu.jpg
Image:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg
Image:180-SchuRchu.jpg
Image:181-SchuCard5.jpg
Image:182-SchuCard6.jpg
Image:183-SchuCard7.jpg
Image:184-SonichuEX.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:189-YuSchu.jpg|Yu-Gi-Oh!
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg|A proposed site logo idea that was rejected for not being bad enough. Also, Sonichu's smiling because he's gonna rape her within seconds.
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|<s>Freddy Mercury</s> Sonichu, noted guitarist in Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|And his GBA
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|(with layout so you can instantly make it worthless)
Image:206-SonichuPose.jpg|Very intimidating...
Image:228-SchuGrafiti.JPG|Spoiler: either that was an abandoned building nobody gave a shit about or it was a wall that was going to be demolished immediately anyway.
Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|Really? Of all the things going on campus, you had to go with asking Chris about Sonichu?
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu with Rosechu, in [[Pixelblocks]] form.
Image:snowchu.gif|Nothing is safe.
Image:0510-CWCNote9.jpg|DVD notes
Image:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|In ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
Image:ECP 00077.jpg|They've fused!
File:FlipnoteSonichu.png|In [[Flipnote Hatena]]
</gallery>
</center>
==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu}}
{{Fan art|chris=Sonichu_(fanart)|linkname=Sonichu}}
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu (disambiguation)|All other uses of that damn "Sonichu" word]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Medallions of Fail]]
== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Talk:Asperchu

2012-03-12T10:42:03Z

One With The Lulz: /* Renaming */ new section

So the consensus seems to be that We should have a main namespace article for Asperchu. I tweaked my Alec Benson Leary article a bit, and now here we are. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 11 January 2010 (UTC)

==Phone calls==
While transcripts are all well and good, would it be possible to but the mp3 links back onto the pages? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:16, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

==The last Asperchu ad==

Did anyone save it? Because a text-only description doesn't seem up to par, and we have the other ads up, so... [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 23:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|center]]

[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
==Alec Benson Leary==
Is now the subject of 9 phone calls, loads of e-mails (most recently [[CWCki:Community Portal#An attempt to rebuild old bridges|one leaked to the community portal]]). He's also the first example of the very subtle sort of trolling, later used to great effect by Jackie.

I think he's now a separate enough entity from asperchu that he deserves his own page.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:52, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
*Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 21:50, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

== Asperpedia ==

Anyone else notice that there were new Asperchu comics posted only a few days ago?
:It was mentioned in IRC, but I don't know why people don't care more about it. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:51, 2 March 2011 (PST)

Personally I think its due to the Chris's hiatus. [[User:Kyweaver|Kyweaver]] 12:01, 2 March 2011 (CST)

== Has anyone ever noticed ==

that Asperchu looks a lot like Homer Simpson? [[User:Lesath|Lesath]] 22:12, 31 August 2011 (PDT)

== Dead link ==

During several automated bot runs the following external link was found to be unavailable. Please check if the link is in fact down and fix or remove it in that case!

* http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page
** In [[Asperchu]] on 2011-09-20 22:29:44, 404 Not Found
** In [[Asperchu]] on 2011-09-28 07:53:27, 404 Not Found

--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:55, 28 September 2011 (PDT)

== Renaming ==

I think we should make [[Asperchu]] a disambig page, while this article is renamed to [[Asperchu (saga)]] and the background article is renamed to [[Asperchu (series)]]. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 03:42, 12 March 2012 (PDT)

Talk:Cole Smithey

2010-06-27T12:43:02Z

One With The Lulz: /* retardaton must run in chris' maternal family */

==To do==
*Emails between him and Chris
*Photo
*Link to his movie review website

== retardaton must run in chris' maternal family ==

Cole [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cat_in_the_hat/ gave] the Cat in the Hat a good rating. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 20:08, 5 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Here's a proper link to what you're talking about: [http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2009/01/dr-seusss-the-cat-in-the-hat.html Cole's review].

Find the only positive review [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/marmaduke/ here] for Marmaduke. p.s. Bob rocks. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 12:43, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

== Legal Guardian? ==
i assume that he'll be watching chris after bob and barb die and the IRS takes the house, because Chris is too retarded/lazy to pay taxes---[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:00, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

== shared traits ==

I recall reading somewhere that Chris was going prematurely bald. Idk if this is a trol comment or what, but look at Cole on Chris's 18th birthday. He himself is going bald, and Chris is the same age as he was during Chris 's birthday. So...I guess they have a little in common.--[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 03:30, 31 July 2009 (CEST)

Cole was 37, not 27. get your facts straight. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 02:11, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

== Wikipedia ==

How do we know this is actually Cole? Chris is popular, as is Cole, anyone could be impersonating him, just as there are people who pretend to be Bob, Snorlax, Alec, Clyde, etc. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:13, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
*Because people edit their own articles all the time. It's highly unlikely that an impersonator would be spamming links to Cole's reviews, and ''very'' likely that the genuine article is. Also, the article was edited by 68.174.85.191, an IP from Herndon, Virginia which also matches the User:Cole Smithey account. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 01:13, 24 February 2010 (UTC)
**Except, as pointed out in this article and on his personal website, Cole Smithey lives in Manhattan, not Herndon, Virginia. [[User:Yawning Squirtle|Yawning Squirtle]] 02:42, 24 February 2010 (UTC)
***Ah, oops. Still, I think that edits like [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Z_%28film%29&diff=prev&oldid=344566166 this] seem a little too intentional to be a fake. Dude's clearly spamming his own works to boost his ego. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 04:21, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

Template talk:Video of the now

2010-06-08T21:21:42Z

One With The Lulz: /* Suggestion */ new section

Can someone help make this so text is right aligned, like the Picture of the Now? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:26, 3 May 2009 (CEST)
*On second thought, I don't think ED adds captions to the front page video, and sometimes it's better to let the video speak for themselves. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:01, 3 May 2009 (CEST)

== The current vid sucks ==

No, really. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 12:34, 21 November 2009 (CET)
* A little background: on that guy's YouTube channel a couple months back that guy made a TOTAL SERIOS video about how Chris isn't a very good artist and his characters are unoriginal Sonic recolors and then he proceeded to go to buy some REAL ART SUPPLIES and do an even shittier (!) version of Sonichu and Rosechu. He's like 45 too. Unfunny but still weird and unbelievable. He has some degrees from Patriot Bible University or something up on his wall, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 13:25, 21 November 2009 (CET)
:* Which video is this? [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 13:34, 21 November 2009 (CET)
::*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcy9ih1Zz4M His commentary on Chris] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5g19a-A7Mk his shitty fancomic]. From what I can gather he's a lonely middle aged accountant with some kind of cool autism spectrum disorder. He makes YouTube videos and sometimes gets attention because he put "Jesus" or "Mohammad" in the title. He offers Chris advice on life and art in the first video, like Chris will give a shit about what he (or anyone else) says. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 14:36, 21 November 2009 (CET)
*The reason it's featured is because he's a guy who takes this drama super serious and it's amusing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:04, 22 November 2009 (CET)

==Hellsing==
This is probably the stupidest video ever. Seven minutes of TL;DW, and I've been known to sit through some [[List of Videos|abysmal shit]]. If we're looking for critical commentary by other fat basement dwellers, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DivNbXzUJ0 this guy] is way more thorough--his <s>'epic rant'</s> tard rage lasted for FIVE parts. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 00:31, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*Counterpoint: This guy appears to be wearing a medallion, so maybe he knows what he's talking about. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 00:40, 8 January 2010 (UTC) (edited by [[User:Umad|Umad]], toning down my own rhetoric)
*Goddamnit, he obviously doesn't know shit about Chris-Chan, other than some basic facts he skimmed off his ED page or something - shit that everyone and [[Vivian|their hamster]] know about. After seeing the ending of the video - I realized that it's just a goddamn plug for the CWCki, that he made, in hopes of getting us to think that he is some awesome motherfucker, and subscribe to him. I've seen some videos he's done previously too - he's a fucking retard. --[[User:NeoShadow|NeoShadow]] 13:48, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Watch closely - he bases most of this off the CWCki. His list of people Chris has made death threats to is the same as in [[Death threats]]. The comment about Chris being "racist, homophobic..." and so forth is the same order as from the [[Christian Weston Chandler]] article. Yeah, he's a fatty but unlike other Internet ranters who just watch a single Chris video and decide to babble on about Chris ("WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS GUY? HE MUST BE LIKE, 40 YEARS OLD! AND WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HIS SONIC MEDALLION, EH?") he actually bothered to do some homework, via the CWCki.
::Find a better video that reflects the now and replace it if this one bothers you.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:42, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
:*I couldn't care less about Captain Guido, in my corner of the world we have a maxim:"There's no such thing as bad publicity". Our real problem is that we are still on the fringe of the internet. Few conventional media would dare to touch Chris's story. Because of this, I am glad for any plug we can get. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:35, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
::*I've no major objections, but I have to say that the Cleveland Show parody we had before was badass. --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 16:37, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

==Hot off the Presses==
<s>{{:#ev:youtube|NP9PTU5pyNY}} --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 23:55, 9 January 2010 (UTC)</s>
{{#ev:youtube|RZelFvv2pas}} --OH SHI! Never mind, this is better. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 02:35, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

== A Guide to Editing Video of the Now ==

Since I don't always feel like editing the Video of the Now, I'm going to start letting others do it. But here's a tip on what makes a good video of the now and what doesn't.

As with the [[:Template:Quote of the now|Quote of the now]], the Video of the Now should reflect The Now - the current state of Chris. So if Chris is raging at people, find some remix video of Chris angry, not some random YouTube rant about Chris from a year ago.

Usually if [[Vivian]] puts out something, it's cool to feature it. Or if a "notable" troll like Chris's current troll releases something, that's usually a good choice as well.

Remixes, music videos, etc. are fun things to have as well.

Try not to use Chris videos unless you absolutely must - obviously Chris's own videos can reflect the now but it's rather unoriginal and people are going to see those videos in the articles anyways.

Pro tip on how to find stuff - look at Krapple or PVCC. Just rip off what's being discussed there, ideally videos people are saying are good.

Oh, and frequency - try not to edit it more than once a day, unless something epic happens like an audio gets released and you want to feature a YouTube version of it. I've had that happen - I post a video, and then something even better comes along. Ideally try to update this at least once a week, if not sooner. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:16, 6 February 2010 (UTC)

== Suggestion ==

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2yasF8ngxU --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 21:21, 8 June 2010 (UTC)

Axe

2010-05-21T13:51:23Z

One With The Lulz: lynx is only in britain

[[Image:AXE body spray.jpg|thumb|left|A can of AXE yesterday.]]
[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|thumb|Chris's self made ad from [[Sonichu 4]]. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Lynx recover deodorant body spray.jpg|thumb|left|Axe in Limey flavor.]]
[[Image:BILLYAXE.JPG|thumb|[[BILLY MAYS]] (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.]]
[[Image:Chrisandaxe.jpg|thumb|Chris promotes his gay products]]
{{quote|"For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to
attract...other dudes."|Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"}}
{{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality]</ref>}}

'''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Britfags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a true and honest [[sweetheart]] after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance.

His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing.

==Axe betrays Chris==

Axe has betrayed Chris by giving away 300 Microsoft Points with their products at Target as a promotion for [[Xbox]]{{cite}}.

==Axe and the [[Homos]]==

In the beginning of [[May 2009]], Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a [[homos | certain demographic]]. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "[[Boyfriend-free girl | the ladies]]", wearing Axe may lead to being rogered roughly from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record [[CWC_Address_to_Unilever_About_AXE | two videos]] demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"

==Does it work?==
[[Image:HeadTripAxe.jpg|thumb|right|How Chris believes Axe should work and how it actually works, Head Trip style.]]

No. In reality, AXE does not really attract women towards the user. Therefore, girls will never be attracted to Chris (not that they would be anyway).

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External Links==
*[[Wikipedia:Axe (grooming product)|Wikipedia article on Axe]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Mailbag 62

2010-04-12T23:27:31Z

One With The Lulz:

lol this is me. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 12:12, 12 April 2010 (UTC)
:Where's the third question?! I need to see it! --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 14:57, 12 April 2010 (UTC)
:Count how many questions marks there are. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 23:27, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

Until we can get Chris to answer the other mailbags, uploading new ones is useless. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 15:59, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Mailbag 62

2010-04-12T12:12:05Z

One With The Lulz: Created page with 'lol this is me. --~~~~'

lol this is me. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 12:12, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

User talk:One With The Lulz

2010-04-09T13:17:09Z

One With The Lulz: +

Regarding the Hook ad, did you get a reply at all? All I got was deafening silence, followed by a ban (despite five emails and a flirt). Any idea what might of happened, and did your account get banned too? Ronichu 03:56, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

I read the story; certainly sounds like something that'd give Chris nightmares for years if he was actually held down and forced to read it. Gunna send it to him by mail or something? It starts out innocently enough... 4/5 :) [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 12:49, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Chris cares about only one thing; Chris. All other concerns (such as China) simply boil down to serving Chris' needs. If we can find some way that reading this story serves Chris' interests, he'll read it; otherwise it will simply be read fully, and your thoughts inputed and accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:03, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

User talk:Ronichu

2010-04-09T12:56:20Z

One With The Lulz:

Hi! I suggest that we move that list about Chris's "Chris_chan" page from the [[ED]] page to the [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]] page, where it would be of more help. What do you think? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:04, 18 December 2009 (CET)

==Mailbag potentials==

===Wherein a guess is made===

Hi Chris,

Sandy from Sydney, Australia here- firstly, my friends and I were talking recently and I love the fact that you put a character into Sonichu with the same name as me! That really made my day! <3

Secondly, I noticed in Asperchu Alec wrote that you got fired from Wendy's for sleeping on the job, but I know the real reason you were fired was because you had an understandable poop accident at work. I think it's cruel they fired you for that, don't they understand autism at all?

Love,

Sandy.

===Wherein a creepy co-incidence is noted===

Hi Chris,

Sandy again! I'm surprised you didn't mention you were so famous! I saw the movie that Lord of the Rings director made about you over the weekend. As you know, it is called 'The Lovely Bones' (named after your beautiful wife, of course!) and I found it to be amazing! Apparently it is based on your older, wiser self and all the young, pretty girls you have sex with. You lucky devil!

In the movie you live to be what looks to be about as old as your father, with heaps of sexual conquests behind you and living a free life. I recommend you check it out if you haven't already, it's based on you! Peter Jackson said so himself! You should easily be able so see which person is meant to be you, he even has your glasses and autism.

Write me a nice reply, okay? And don't forget to see the movie!

Love,

Sandy.
* That's...frightening because it's almost true. No-one actually offered Loli to Chris though, so we'll have to see what would happen there.--[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:51, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

===Your Call===

You noted that Bob and Snorlax sounded delighted to talk to you--Snorlax even thought that your fictional sister was "cute". I don't blame them for wanting to talk to someone that isn't anyone else in that house. Still, why did Snorlax come to the phone when you asked for Chris? I consider this more proof that they're being paranoid. About what, however, I don't know--Snorlax fears Chris Hansen is a grand threat to Chris. Still, thanks for proving that Bob is alive.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 01:43, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

* I don't know why Snorlax came to the phone - I explicitly asked for Chris. If I could guess, I would say one part paranoia and one part 'Chris is playing vidya and shouldn't be disturbed'. I actually enjoyed talking to both Bob and Snorlax and plan on calling them tomorrow before work, but recording it this time.

*Incidently, I am also glad Bob is alive. He sounded happy. I don't know why they both seemed to immediately trust me; I have been told I have an okay phone voice, despite my nervousness, and my accent and ability to make shit up on the fly due to a youth spent playing D&D probably helped too.[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:27, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

*To me it read like Bob didn't want to get blamed for passing a troll on to Chris, so he passed it on to Snorlax so she could make the decision. Chris sounded like an absolute dick though. - [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 03:12, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

** Basically I came away from the conversation with the impression that Chris' parents were very nice (despite their many flaws) and maybe a little lonely. Chris, on the other hand, was basically Collosal Dick-Chan who resented being dragged away from his games by someone who wasn't a potential Crystal maker. Blech. What a wanker.

== Re: Hook ad ==

*I didn't get banned, but I too got no response from our autistic loser. I think instead of planning things through, some of the more "spontaneous" trolls scared Chris away. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 04:11, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
*lol you actually read it all? it's actually from fanfiction.net (about that little bastard recolor sonic the hedgehog) and I originally stumbled on it years ago. I just did a little creative editing. Still, it might be funny to send it to Chris, if he isn't too autistic to pay attention to read it. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 12:56, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

User:One With The Lulz

2010-04-09T10:44:05Z

One With The Lulz: plagarismo

User talk:Ronichu

2010-04-09T06:31:48Z

One With The Lulz:

Hi! I suggest that we move that list about Chris's "Chris_chan" page from the [[ED]] page to the [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]] page, where it would be of more help. What do you think? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:04, 18 December 2009 (CET)

==Mailbag potentials==

===Wherein a guess is made===

Hi Chris,

Sandy from Sydney, Australia here- firstly, my friends and I were talking recently and I love the fact that you put a character into Sonichu with the same name as me! That really made my day! <3

Secondly, I noticed in Asperchu Alec wrote that you got fired from Wendy's for sleeping on the job, but I know the real reason you were fired was because you had an understandable poop accident at work. I think it's cruel they fired you for that, don't they understand autism at all?

Love,

Sandy.

===Wherein a creepy co-incidence is noted===

Hi Chris,

Sandy again! I'm surprised you didn't mention you were so famous! I saw the movie that Lord of the Rings director made about you over the weekend. As you know, it is called 'The Lovely Bones' (named after your beautiful wife, of course!) and I found it to be amazing! Apparently it is based on your older, wiser self and all the young, pretty girls you have sex with. You lucky devil!

In the movie you live to be what looks to be about as old as your father, with heaps of sexual conquests behind you and living a free life. I recommend you check it out if you haven't already, it's based on you! Peter Jackson said so himself! You should easily be able so see which person is meant to be you, he even has your glasses and autism.

Write me a nice reply, okay? And don't forget to see the movie!

Love,

Sandy.
* That's...frightening because it's almost true. No-one actually offered Loli to Chris though, so we'll have to see what would happen there.--[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:51, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

===Your Call===

You noted that Bob and Snorlax sounded delighted to talk to you--Snorlax even thought that your fictional sister was "cute". I don't blame them for wanting to talk to someone that isn't anyone else in that house. Still, why did Snorlax come to the phone when you asked for Chris? I consider this more proof that they're being paranoid. About what, however, I don't know--Snorlax fears Chris Hansen is a grand threat to Chris. Still, thanks for proving that Bob is alive.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 01:43, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

* I don't know why Snorlax came to the phone - I explicitly asked for Chris. If I could guess, I would say one part paranoia and one part 'Chris is playing vidya and shouldn't be disturbed'. I actually enjoyed talking to both Bob and Snorlax and plan on calling them tomorrow before work, but recording it this time.

*Incidently, I am also glad Bob is alive. He sounded happy. I don't know why they both seemed to immediately trust me; I have been told I have an okay phone voice, despite my nervousness, and my accent and ability to make shit up on the fly due to a youth spent playing D&D probably helped too.[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:27, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

*To me it read like Bob didn't want to get blamed for passing a troll on to Chris, so he passed it on to Snorlax so she could make the decision. Chris sounded like an absolute dick though. - [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 03:12, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

** Basically I came away from the conversation with the impression that Chris' parents were very nice (despite their many flaws) and maybe a little lonely. Chris, on the other hand, was basically Collosal Dick-Chan who resented being dragged away from his games by someone who wasn't a potential Crystal maker. Blech. What a wanker.

== Re: Hook ad ==

I didn't get banned, but I too got no response from our autistic loser. I think instead of planning things through, some of the more "spontaneous" trolls scared Chris away. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 04:11, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

User talk:Ronichu

2010-04-09T06:31:29Z

One With The Lulz: /* Re: Hook ad */ new section

Hi! I suggest that we move that list about Chris's "Chris_chan" page from the [[ED]] page to the [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]] page, where it would be of more help. What do you think? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:04, 18 December 2009 (CET)

==Mailbag potentials==

===Wherein a guess is made===

Hi Chris,

Sandy from Sydney, Australia here- firstly, my friends and I were talking recently and I love the fact that you put a character into Sonichu with the same name as me! That really made my day! <3

Secondly, I noticed in Asperchu Alec wrote that you got fired from Wendy's for sleeping on the job, but I know the real reason you were fired was because you had an understandable poop accident at work. I think it's cruel they fired you for that, don't they understand autism at all?

Love,

Sandy.

===Wherein a creepy co-incidence is noted===

Hi Chris,

Sandy again! I'm surprised you didn't mention you were so famous! I saw the movie that Lord of the Rings director made about you over the weekend. As you know, it is called 'The Lovely Bones' (named after your beautiful wife, of course!) and I found it to be amazing! Apparently it is based on your older, wiser self and all the young, pretty girls you have sex with. You lucky devil!

In the movie you live to be what looks to be about as old as your father, with heaps of sexual conquests behind you and living a free life. I recommend you check it out if you haven't already, it's based on you! Peter Jackson said so himself! You should easily be able so see which person is meant to be you, he even has your glasses and autism.

Write me a nice reply, okay? And don't forget to see the movie!

Love,

Sandy.
* That's...frightening because it's almost true. No-one actually offered Loli to Chris though, so we'll have to see what would happen there.--[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 00:51, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

===Your Call===

You noted that Bob and Snorlax sounded delighted to talk to you--Snorlax even thought that your fictional sister was "cute". I don't blame them for wanting to talk to someone that isn't anyone else in that house. Still, why did Snorlax come to the phone when you asked for Chris? I consider this more proof that they're being paranoid. About what, however, I don't know--Snorlax fears Chris Hansen is a grand threat to Chris. Still, thanks for proving that Bob is alive.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 01:43, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

* I don't know why Snorlax came to the phone - I explicitly asked for Chris. If I could guess, I would say one part paranoia and one part 'Chris is playing vidya and shouldn't be disturbed'. I actually enjoyed talking to both Bob and Snorlax and plan on calling them tomorrow before work, but recording it this time.

*Incidently, I am also glad Bob is alive. He sounded happy. I don't know why they both seemed to immediately trust me; I have been told I have an okay phone voice, despite my nervousness, and my accent and ability to make shit up on the fly due to a youth spent playing D&D probably helped too.[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:27, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

*To me it read like Bob didn't want to get blamed for passing a troll on to Chris, so he passed it on to Snorlax so she could make the decision. Chris sounded like an absolute dick though. - [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 03:12, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

** Basically I came away from the conversation with the impression that Chris' parents were very nice (despite their many flaws) and maybe a little lonely. Chris, on the other hand, was basically Collosal Dick-Chan who resented being dragged away from his games by someone who wasn't a potential Crystal maker. Blech. What a wanker.

== Re: Hook ad ==

== Re: Hook ad ==

I didn't get banned, but I too got no response from our autistic loser. I think instead of planning things through, some of the more "spontaneous" trolls scared Chris away. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 04:11, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Ronichu

2010-04-09T06:31:05Z

One With The Lulz: whoops

{{Straight}}

Fuck!

== Template Testing ==

Testing a template to show that I am STRAIGHT, but I also like [[homo|da homos]].

== Zomg I spoke to Chris, Barb and Bob ==

Today on a wild impulse I rang Chris' home phone from my mobile.

Since it was a sudden impulse I didn't reherse or record the call (fail), but I wrote it down after it happed. It went something like this:

Bob: Hello?

Simon: Hi, my name is Simon Sasayaki, I'm calling from Australia mate. Is this Christian Weston Chandler?

Bob: No, this is Robert Chandler. [Bob sounds very happy and a little curious; he emits a chuckle] So you're calling from Australia, huh? Must be about daybreak there or something?

Simon: It's about 9:00 am here mate.

Bob: [Bob laughs again] Well, isn't that something. 9:00. Anyway, Chris is my son, we don't just talk to anyone over the phone these days, is there something I can help you with? What's the purpose of your call?

Simon: Ahh, well, [Simon gets flustered here] My sister... My little sister is Sandy Sasayaki, she's a huge fan of Chris' comic. She wants to get in touch with him but she- she sent him a message on Facebook but he hasn't replied yet.

Bob: Well, let me see if I can get Chris' mother on the phone first okay?

Simon: Sure!

[muttering and talking in the background]

Snorlax: Hi!

Simon: Hi, this is Simon Sasayaki! How are you?

Snorlax: I'm good, I'm good.

Simon: Hehe, that's great! I'm calling because my sister, Sandy Sasayaki, is a fan of Chris' comic and wants to get in contact with him, but she's too shy to talk over the phone.

Snorlax: [Barb sounds suspicious] Okay, *how old* is your sister?

Simon: She's twelve.

Snorlax: [suddenly perky and happy again] Aww, that's cute. Okay, did you wanna talk to Chris now?

Simon: That'd be great!

[there is a prolongued delay here of about two minutes, presumably while Barb pries Chris away from his PS3 without the lure of legal china]

Chris: [sounding annoyed] Hello?

Simon: Hey Chris, this is Simon Sasayaki calling from Australia. I'm calling because my sister, Sandy Sasayaki, tried to get in contact with you over Facebook but you haven't replied yet.

Chris: [stress sigh, even more annoyed] Look, I do not have, I do not have a facebook page at this- at this time. The only page I have is at the Cwcipedia- just Google it, okay?

Simon: Oh, okay. Um. [I know that only Chris can write anything on the CWCipedia, but Simon doesn't know that] Okay, okay. Yeah- she's nodding, she knows what the CWCipedia is. Uhh, so, how do we- how do we... Use it? To talk to you?

Chris: [another stress sigh; Chris just does not seem interested in chatting, unlike both his parents who both seemed positively delightful] Okay, well, just Google for the CWCipedia because that's the only way to get in contact- the only page I have at this time.

Simon: Okay mate, we'll do that.

Chris: Okay. Have a good day, goodbye. [Chris immediately hangs up]

== Tried calling again... ==

I tried calling Chris' house again but nobody answered. I was all set to record this one too; balls. It was about 5:00pm his time and early in the morning for me. I'll try again this weekend at various times.

The purpose of this call is to provide recorded proof that Bob is alive, plus to talk to Chris about why he hasn't updated the CWCipedia yet. I don't know if I'll go with 'I'm glad you took some time off from your comic and took care of your father, but he's okay now, so back to work...' oooooor, 'Sandy is VERY upset over the lack if updates, she might kill herself if more don't come... If she does, I will become the next Clyde Cash!' having two might scare him, but after over a month doing nothing but playing vidya all day he will obviously be too STRESSED to work on his beloved comic for the time being. Plus, I think that the most effective trolling style is the Alec style, where people who like and respect Chris call him out on his many, obvious failings. That said, we always need a villian working against him, lurking in the backgroud, buying gay ads on the CWCipedia...

[[Category:List of CWCkipedians who are STRAIGHT]]

User:Ronichu

2010-04-09T04:11:47Z

One With The Lulz:

Talk:The Hook Cafe

2010-04-09T02:32:21Z

One With The Lulz: /* Gone? */

Hi guys, I think this might be a fake account: http://twitter.com/search?q=-RT%20sonichu+-sonichu1%20-wildsonichu1%20-MaryLeeWalsh1%20-Sandy_Rosechu%20-WildSonichu1#search?q=-RT%20sonichu%20-sonichu1%20-wildsonichu1%20-MaryLeeWalsh1%20-Sandy_Rosechu%20-WildSonichu1 [[User:Godz1lla|Godz1lla]] 18:27, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
*Twitter link is broke. Can you fix it? [[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]]
:*This should work: http://twitter.com/#search?q=crescentskunk I'm not sure about this any more though, the account seems to be different now that I've seen crescentskunk's preview, I might have just jumped the gun a bit.[[User:Godz1lla|Godz1lla]] 08:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
I'll set to putting together a summary of this, I guess. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 22:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
::*I'll check the link later, but thank much for posting a fresh one.--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 00:30, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
*The current format sucks (no offense). We need to mirror the content - the last Hook Cafe ad Chris had is forever lost in time, so now we need to mirror this for when this inevitably gets hacked. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:52, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:* So you want it all replicated word-for-word? Easily done. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 22:55, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

*Chris's favorite radio station: http://www.z95.net/ --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 23:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:* And it's...yep, home to the John Tesh show. Weird. So far as I can tell this is like a station for 35-year-old women. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 23:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
::*I think the numerous John Tesh references (at least the times he's popped up in the background of calls) might warrant an article for the guy.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:17, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:::*I was about to say the exact same thing. Especially since he probably provided the germ for Chris's fixation on the three-date rule. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 23:18, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh god....
Anyway he's aiming a little high isn't he?
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 23:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
*Only if you mean him not accepting anyone: over age 28, overweight, mature, or of any ethnicity other than white. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 23:41, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
*I just noticed the "blacks need not apply part
:* Well of course. Don't you know that being racist towards black people is personal trait that women find attractive? :P This is classic Chris- doing at least one major thing that causes him to fail without him realizing it. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 01:48, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
*"''People say my face is my best feature.''" I don't know what to think. Either Chris isn't aware that acne isn't attractive, or he thinks people won't notice. So yeah, Chris is aiming a little high.
** Well, his face kind of ''is'' his best feature, his [[Obesity|other]] [[Duck|features]] are, in fact, that bad. --[[User:DStecks|DStecks]] 21:29, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 23:45, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Well... at least he's saying 21 instead of 18. That's almost like progress. Almost.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 23:48, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
** I have to wonder if he found out about the "half your age plus seven" rule that people sometimes use to figure an appropriate age to date. Knowing Chris's tendency to take such things as written in stone rules... so yeah. [[User:Magic8Ball|Magic8Ball]] 00:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
::*As long as It keeps him from hitting on High School girls, I'm okay with it. The facebook messages he sent to that one 17 year old still make me shudder.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:54, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
*Welp, the little voice in my head told me to sign up in order to troll Chris, so I went for it...unfortunately, I need to have credits in order to establish communication. Should I abort and let a for real person do it instead? [[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]]
**How much is it gonna set you back?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:10, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
**Considering that a ninety day pass is $40.00USD, and I believe I have seventy bucks in my checking account, I think I should abort. Any thoughts? --[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 00:30, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
*** I created a fake account, paid for it, uploaded some bullshit and flirted with Chris. I also sent him an e-mail saying I'd upload a picture and my 'digits' as soon as I got home from school. No replies yet, but without a picture I probably won't get far. Unfortunately, I am stuck in Sydney airport with only an iPhone for Internet so I can't upload one right away. I will attempt to find a net cafe or something- this opportunity is too good to pass up. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 03:40, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

*Damn it guys, stop trying to be the next bluespike, what is needed is a field agent to go on a date with Chris, and try to get even more info, who knows, it might be the return of the man in the pickle suit.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:39, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
:*I haven't seen anything that brings up bluespike-like trolling. If anything this'll could turn into another Kacey or, if we use a field agent, another Emily. Do we have any willing field agents we could call upon? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 04:55, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
:*I'm not trying to be anyone. I wanted to rattle some cages. I guess I should abort my mission, huh?--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 00:30, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
** I live in Australia and I have a pickle, or I totally would. This is the best I can do. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:50, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
::*I don't suppose this fake account is "luv2jax", the girl who wants a 26-30 year old, hates smoking, and can't seem to get enough shopping or sex? The same girl who thinks "a monkey on roller skates" would be ''hilarious''? She seems to be designed for Chris. Regardless, please nobody interfere if it looks like he gets a genuine response. I think that would have a lot more comedic potential. His profile is close enough to non-retarded that it just might get the attention of a racist woman with very low standards. There's got to be one at least one of those in Virginia. --[[User:Homeless prophet|Homeless prophet]] 22:15, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
:::*Er, forget that guess. I filtered for ages 21-28 and didn't see the obvious one. --[[User:Homeless prophet|Homeless prophet]] 03:14, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
::::*I had exactly the same thought as you. I honestly think he'll be more attracted to the other 'chick' that I'm a little disheartened, but 'eh. I am convinced the other is a fake too, so much so that I sent her a message along the lines of 'ohai so i herd you zap to the extreme?'. No reply yet, but if I was that person I'd be reluctant to blow my cover after that much work. The eventual plan with this persona is to reveal she's actually 12 years old to see how Chris responds to loli. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:26, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
:::* For what it's worth, "luv2jax" is the screenname of a user on Xtube. Don't know if it's a coincidence or not. However, I think I saw her picture at [[/cwc/]] so I think it's probably a troll too.

I too tried to troll chris but I underestimated his autism. I had a backup plan, though. We might see a surprise this saturday at chris' house. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 02:25, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
== So should we do this for his other dating profiles too? ==

I mean, I'm looking at his OkCupid Profile right now. I'm pretty sure it's several years old, but even back then he still checked himself off as looking for casual sex.

Not that he'll ever get any.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:15, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
:Now that I think about it, probably the best way to do it would be to have one page titled "Dating sites" where we mirror his various awful dating profiles of fail.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:17, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

*No, I think each individual one should. Redundant but these are primary sources and it's easier to cite an individual profile. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

I once listed a number under [[Dating]]. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:05, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

== Religion: None ==

That's unusual. I've said that Chris isn't a "Christian" in any real way before, but I know he self-identifies as one pretty strongly. It's really weird for him to list himself as "None, Christian". I guess it's possible he finally realized that openly Christian women typically aren't seeking casual sex, so this way he shows up on searches for people without religion, but its' still not very Chris-like at all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

•I noticed that as well. I didn't have any clue why he would do such a thing given his strong Christian identity, but the idea that he wants to show up on the searches of Godless Heathen Babes looking for sexy sweets rings true to me. The Fuck Quest overrides all other concerns, after all. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:07, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

* There are 3 possible explanations. 1) He's a dumbass 2) He i s tired of being called upon, every time he does something that goes against the bible, so he now has an excuse of " nah i don't follow the bible directly" and still say " the homos are going to hell because the bible says so". 3)He doesn't want to be with a woman that's too much into religion anymore, to not get the "abstinence" excuse to not have hankey pankey. Either way, it's because Chris had enough of religion for a while, since it's not helping him right now.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:26, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

:*There's no way of knowing until Chris explains it himself, and the best way to do that is to put a huge ad on the CWCipedia accusing Chris of abandoning God and selling his soul to the devil.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 04:45, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

:*When you fill out the profile, there's a drop-down menu of various religion choices, plus an open field to fill in whatever you want if your choice isn't in the menu. Chris picked "None" from the drop-down menu because Methodist isn't one of the options offered, then typed Christian/Methodist in the open field. If he'd left the drop-down alone, it probably wouldn't have displayed anything. So he hasn't abandoned his faith or anything, he just fucked up filling out a web form. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 04:47, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
::*Diaken's explination makes the most sense. Which is kind of a shame because it's also the most boring. I don't think my initial "wants to show up on searches for atheist" guess is too far off though.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:55, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

:*Chris hardly even knows what Atheism is, and from what we gather he has as much of an irrational hatred of Atheists as he does with Homosexuals and the like. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 19:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh it's elementary, Watson. He's of no religion now (fuck abstinency!), but he's still Christian... Weston Chandler! --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 15:10, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

*YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! --[[User:DStecks|DStecks]] 21:31, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

== Earlier ad ==

Oldfags may recall Chris had an add through here before, which may have been documented somewhere on the ED page if you dig. I doubt anyone archived it though, and I do recall it was legit though it was eventually hacked to make it seem like Chris was gay and how his favorite food was pickles, etc. This should be referenced somewhere though. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, here's where the ad used to be: http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A239898 [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 16:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

== Gone? ==

As of a few minutes ago both Chris' and Sandy's pages appear to be gone. I'm gunna make a guess here and say that Chris finally fucking checked his email and made the connection between the 12 year old girl calling him and the adults only ad with an 18 year old in it. I would guess that Snorlax flew into a rage and got him to take down the page, while reporting Sandy's. That or I'm retarded and they're still up. I'm at work so I only have my iPhone ATM, can anyone confirm? [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

:Well the links at the bottom of the page don't work. That's as good an indicator as any.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:25, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
:Yes, it's gone. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 02:32, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Talk:The Hook Cafe

2010-04-09T02:25:36Z

One With The Lulz: