CWCki - User contributions [en]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!

2011-02-13T14:11:40Z

Parapluie: /* Background */

[[Image:CWCHedgehogBoysCOMEBACKfront.jpg|thumb|right|A [[stress|long-awaited]] comeback album! Yay! …wait a minute, this is only the ''second'' album?]]

'''''Christian & the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!''''' is the second album by [[Christian & the Hedgehog Boys]], [[Christian's]] nonexistent fan band, because talking over [[music]], [[Chris and Ego|changing existing lyrics so they're all about you]], and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' is EXACTLY like being in a real band.

==Background==
After a four-year hiatus and buoyed by his new "relationship" with "[[Ivy]]", Christian & the Hedgehog Boys reunited to produce another album, and subject the world to yet more of Chris mumbling over various songs. His tastes appear to have expanded slightly: the first album consisted entirely of [[Wikipedia:pop music|Pop music]], but ''COMEBACK!'' branches out into [[Wikipedia:rock music]] and [[Wikipedia:rapping|rap]].

Notable also is the replacement of [[Wild Sonichu]] for [[Sonic]] on bass and [[Punchy Sonichu]] for [[Shadow]] on drums. While a newfag would think that Chris forgot that they were in the band, a true C&HB fan knows that Sonic left the band due to artistic differences, and is now pursuing a solo [[Wikipedia:country music|country music]] career, while [[Shadow]] died of a [[Wikipedia:cocaine|cocaine]] overdose. Also depicted is [[Layla Flaaffy]]; it was later revealed in the [[Ivy Q&A]] that Chris intended her to be the band's stage manager.

This is notable as [[Wild]]'s first musical appearance where he departs from his [[Fan:Sonichu:The Animated Series|Sit 'n Spin background]].

==Tracks==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
!
! Title
! Based on
!Subject
|-
| 1
| [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]] — "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]"
| [[Clyde Cash]]
|-
| 2
| "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Madonna (entertainer)|Madonna]] — "[[Wikipedia:Like a Virgin (song)|Like a Virgin]]"
| [[Ivy]], [[Virgin with rage]]
|-
| 3
| "[[Feel Our Love At Play]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Berlin|Berlin]] — "[[Wikipedia:Take My Breath Away|Take My Breath Away]]"
| Ivy, [[Love Quest]]
|-
| 4
| "[[I Gotta Make My Move]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Rod Stewart|Rod Stewart]] — "[[Wikipedia:Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?|Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?]]"
| [[Hanky-panky]]
|-
| 5
| "[[I'll Never Leave You, Ivy]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]] — "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]"
| Ivy
|-
| 6
| "[[Lovin' You]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Minnie Riperton|Minnie Riperton]] — "[[Wikipedia:Lovin' You|Lovin' You]]"
| Ivy
|-
| 7
| "[[Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Meat Loaf|Meat Loaf]] — "[[Wikipedia:Paradise by the Dashboard Light|Paradise by the Dashboard Light]]"
| [[Crass and Champ]]
|-
| 8
| "[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Bruce Springsteen|Bruce Springsteen]] — "[[Wikipedia:Dancing in the Dark (Bruce Springsteen song)|Dancing in the Dark]]"
| [[Punchy Sonichu]], [[Layla Flaaffy]]
|-
| 9
| "[[I'm Sexy For My Ivy]]"
| [[Wikipedia:Justin Timberlake|Justin Timberlake]] — "[[Wikipedia:SexyBack|SexyBack]]"
| Ivy, [[Biological clock]]
|}

==Reception==
While critics applauded [[Chris]] for upgrading the quality of the [[music]] he shouts over from shithouse to slightly less shithouse, the album was an absolute bust, even in [[Molvanîa]] where Chris is lauded as a national pop icon.

Fans of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s mastery of the Sit 'n Spin were disappointed to hear Wild being forced to play the inferior [[guitar]], which may have affected the quality of his musical contributions. Fans also claimed that [[Punchy Sonichu]] could not live up to the legacy of [[Shadow the Hedgehog]].

==ORIGINAL LYRICS==
'''DO NOT STEAL'''
<gallery>
Image:TrollstasParadise1.jpg|"Trollsta's Paradise"
Image:TrollstasParadise2.jpg
Image:FeelOurLoveAtPlay.jpg|"Feel Our Love At Play"
Image:IGottaMakeMyMove1.jpg|"I Gotta Make My Move"
Image:IGottaMakeMyMove2.jpg
Image:IllNeverLeaveYouIvy.jpg|"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
Image:PunchyandLaylasDanceInTheDark.jpg|"Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark"
Image:SexyForMyIvy1.jpg|"I'm Sexy For My Ivy"
Image:SexyForMyIvy2.jpg
</gallery>
== Fan videos ==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Pretty Homo (For A Retard)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JON8Q53BKwA}}
| Stardate = 31 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCLovesPickles CWCLovesPickles]
| Video Type = Remix
| Other Info = TRUE and HONEST unreleased bonus track!!! Original [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLkIB5l-OlM here].
}}
==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QRPCIV36 Download the album]
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]

Talk:Jackie e-mails Part 3

2010-04-23T04:33:21Z

Parapluie:

this is all of them. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 05:36, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

Reading that last email where jackie owns Chris at the end. So cash
[[User:Dkd|Dkd]] 10:28, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
*Lol, Chris tries to pretend that he broke it off with her. So much the better.--[[User:Sonichuistehcool|Sonichuistehcool]] 20:53, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
*Who wants to be that soon after he'll be making a video begging her to come back?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 21:42, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
**I doubt it, because you need to remember that his [[Rocky|handler]] is probably watching him. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 21:49, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
***The only way she can really control his web-presence is by cutting the internet. It will not happen. Bob tried and failed and he might mutinate if she do [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 23:31, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
**Jackie has nothing to do with trolls. If Rocky was trying to stop all videos period, Chris would have taken his voice actor rant down as well, but he hasn't. His Wallflower rant went down for unknown reasons, sure, but that may have been Wallflower ordering Chris to remove all content related to her from the internet. I think she's told him to not upload any videos where he explicitly mentions trolls. And, of course, there's always the chance that Chris will become so furious that he'll go against her orders.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:20, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
***That's the moment we're eagerly awaiting. Chris's problems will frustrate him so much that he will go against the orders of Rocky and do whatever makes sense to him. Eventually, Rocky will throw up her arms and say something similar to, "Fuck it. Do whatever the hell you want. I'm through with your bullshit." --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 22:41, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

Someone give Jackie a medal.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 14:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

==Official sweetheart page now?==

Well, Jackie corresponded heavily with Chris, got some new useful information (We can now confirm that his YASG is indeed the church group at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church) and we even got a very disturbing video out of him. He even claimed to be in love with her... Is this enough to warrant a a sweetheart page just for her? What is the consensus? --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 20:51, 22 April 2010 (EST)
*We certainly do have plenty of information on her but since we got everything in one big package we may want to hold off until we see what Chris does with this (i.e. a vid begging her to come back or her showing up in Sonichu in some form). --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 03:14, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

==The Break-Up==

As much as Chris seems to be fairly (read: very) cowardly in his interactions with everyone, it feels like revisionist history to claim Jackie initiated the break-up here when we have evidence in front of us to the contrary -- part of my enjoyability of the end of this saga was that it was Chris who broke it off this time, not the other way around; Jackie, to the contrary, actively seems to try to keep it going (out of what is pretty demonstrably an attempt to troll him and not the goodness of her heart). It's also amusing that Chris gets off a mild backhand when he opts to insult her facial piercings on the way out; coming from Chris, that one's got to hurt.

I feel like the entirely angle around Jackie -- her being an innocent who was drawn into the Chris-Chan saga and dumps him unceremoniously when she realises how fucked up he is -- is very constructed and artificial and not as funny as the reality -- Chris ends a trolling when he realises he is unable to justify his own terrible behaviour, in the process insulting what he still believes is a real woman. Why are we working so hard to create comedy around this when the comedy writes itself? [[User:Parapluie|Parapluie]] 04:33, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Anime Wings

2010-04-19T08:42:12Z

Parapluie: /* Super Chris-Chan Sonichu */

[[Image:Animewings.jpg|thumb|OMG LIEK SO KAWAII! =^O^=]]

The '''Anime Wings''' are a pair of wings [[Chris]] got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention that are clipped on to the hair. This accessory is usually worn by women; specifically, otaku fangirls (well really, how often do men wear hairclips?). Chris's pair somehow turn real when he transforms into Super [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] if he transforms while wearing them. This gives Chris-chan even more god-like abilities, granting him the power to fly.

The wings first appeared in [[Sonichu_3#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|''Sub-Episode 4'']] and are promptly knocked off of his head at the beginning of Sub-Episode 5, where they are... destroyed? Lost forever? Forgotten? Either way, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been shown to be perfectly capable of flying without them (probably because it's easier to draw).

== Super Chris-Chan Sonichu ==
[[Image:Superchrischansonichu.jpg|thumb|left|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]]

With the [[Anchuent Powers]], Chris-Chan can transform into Super Chris-Chan Sonichu if he has his anime wings on top of his head. They appear to be similar to [[Angelica Rosechu]]'s. As the transformation would make him ''super'', and thus more powerful than his original form, he would be wise to use this to his advantage in future comics. But alas, this concept was completely forgotten by Chris, just like the plot in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Honestly, what happened to [[Metal Sonichu]]?

Another note to be made is that Chris-chan cannot come up with an original idea, so this had to be ripped off from something else. Due to his influence with [[Nintendo]], he most likely got the "Super" part of the name from Super Nintendo and the many SNES titles that included "Super" in their names. As for the actual wings part, it is probably stolen from ''Super Mario Bros.'''s Koopa Paratroopas, or from some anime. ''Super Mario 64'' has the wing cap that allows Mario to fly, so the former is more likely.

==See also==
*[[Anime]]

[[Category:Plot Devices]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Punchy Sonichu

2010-04-19T04:52:04Z

Parapluie: /* Sonichu Babies */

<center>{{#ev:youtube|00tsSYnUiRU}}</center>

[[Image:Punchy.jpg|thumb|right|Punchy Sonichu as he appears in [[Sonichu 3]]]]
'''Punchy''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the rainbow as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a fighting/electric type. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is often considered to be a racist Asian stereotype due to his slanty eyes and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon Hitmonlee. Chris denies that he is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> However, it should be noted that the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10]] as he now looks like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty Knuckles knockoff which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric echidna Pokémon" instead of a hedgehog Pokémon. He is a combination of 4 characters:
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*Knuckles the Echidna
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the blatant racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]==
Punchy’s sonichu egg lands in a dojo where master [[Excel-Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky. Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]==
[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|right|100px|thumb|Look at those lips; you just know he's asian.]]
While Punchy rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training, his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]’s hoverboard which causes Punchy to hitch a ride by accident. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her oversized tits. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. They all beat up Blake until his [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head is bleeding]] all over the grass.

==[[Sonichu 5]]==
Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

==[[Sonichu 6]]==
While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start talking about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous bitches. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent.

When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is.

==[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]==
Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move. Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This excites Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

==[[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]]==
In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. The teacher fixes Punchy up with [[Layla]], whom he falls in love with. [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest place in CWCville - [[McDonald's]].

==Episode 20==
Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (probably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that drinking was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago. Worth noting that in Virginia, being sober (which Layla was, since she didn't have such a hangover) and having sex with someone who's drunk counts as rape.

== Rove Quest ==
Punchy had a major hard-on for Angelica, but then after meeting Layla he forgot all about her, probably realizing Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. Turns out Punchy was wrong as Angelica is a dirty slut for Reginald Sneasel.

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==
: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''
According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrely==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry roves to wear radies rengerie.
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}

==References==

<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Punchy Sonichu

2010-04-19T04:51:36Z

Parapluie: /* Sonichu Babies */ Mypoe

<center>{{#ev:youtube|00tsSYnUiRU}}</center>

[[Image:Punchy.jpg|thumb|right|Punchy Sonichu as he appears in [[Sonichu 3]]]]
'''Punchy''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the rainbow as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a fighting/electric type. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is often considered to be a racist Asian stereotype due to his slanty eyes and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon Hitmonlee. Chris denies that he is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> However, it should be noted that the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10]] as he now looks like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty Knuckles knockoff which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric echidna Pokémon" instead of a hedgehog Pokémon. He is a combination of 4 characters:
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*Knuckles the Echidna
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the blatant racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]==
Punchy’s sonichu egg lands in a dojo where master [[Excel-Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky. Chris later clarifies that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]==
[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|right|100px|thumb|Look at those lips; you just know he's asian.]]
While Punchy rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training, his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]’s hoverboard which causes Punchy to hitch a ride by accident. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her oversized tits. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. They all beat up Blake until his [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head is bleeding]] all over the grass.

==[[Sonichu 5]]==
Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

==[[Sonichu 6]]==
While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start talking about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous bitches. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent.

When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is.

==[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]==
Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move. Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This excites Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

==[[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]]==
In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. The teacher fixes Punchy up with [[Layla]], whom he falls in love with. [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest place in CWCville - [[McDonald's]].

==Episode 20==
Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (probably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that drinking was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago. Worth noting that in Virginia, being sober (which Layla was, since she didn't have such a hangover) and having sex with someone who's drunk counts as rape.

== Rove Quest ==
Punchy had a major hard-on for Angelica, but then after meeting Layla he forgot all about her, probably realizing Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. Turns out Punchy was wrong as Angelica is a dirty slut for Reginald Sneasel.

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==
: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''
According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrely==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry roves to wear radies rengerie.
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}

==References==

<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Prower

2010-04-19T04:43:19Z

Parapluie:

[[Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg|thumb|Punchy taking his [[Layla|bitch]] for a stroll.]]
[[Image:Prowl_prower.jpg|thumb|left|Not similar at all! [[Chris|We]] swear!]]

'''Prower''' (sometimes spelled '''Prowler''') is [[Punchy Sonichu]]'s [[Transformers|Autobot]] motorcycle. It is unknown what involvement Prower had in the death of [[Sarah Jackson]]; however, foul play is suspected.

{{quote|Punchy's Motorbike is also an Autobot. Sidecar to make strong armor for the quick, slick and stealthy Prower. He relies on his Ninjitsu, Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images make him a Sharp close-bot-attacker.|[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Prower CWCipedia]}}

It is obvious that Prower is a totally original character; Any similarity with the Autobot cyber-ninja Prowl from Transformers Animated is purely coincidental. Like their samurai armor (which is a sidecar in vehicle-mode). And their name. And their vehicle-mode. And the fact that both are ninjas, relying on stealth, holographic images and shurikens to fight. Wouldn't be too surprised if Prower knew the secrets of "processor over matter" and had boosters to temporarily fly! Chris, you are a genius.

In the [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Punchy Sonichu]], Chris elaborates on the circumstances under which Punchy and Prower met. It basically amounts to Punchy noticing a motorcycle, talking to it, and it talking back (of note: in the exchange, Prower seems to be far more well-versed in [[random-access humor]] than Punchy, despite Chris frequently expounding on the latter's prowess in that arena). The two then nonsensically agree to be [[homos|partners]]. Chris also cutely dubs them "[[Chris and sex|Friends of the Fist]]".<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

It is also worth noting that Prower is extremely close to how a stereotypical Asian would pronounce Prowler, perhaps a reference to Punchy's blatantly obvious ethnicity. Another coincidence is that our [[autistic]] hero has, amongst the ocean of useless junk that lies in his bedroom, an Animated Prowl model, which is briefly shown in Chris' video [[CWCFlyingElephants]].

In a last display of intellectual theft, "Prower" is also the last name of the character "Tails" in [[Sonic the Hedgehog|you know damn well what]].

{{CWCipedia}}
{{clear}}
==See also==
*[[Power]]

== References ==
<references/>

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Transformers]]
<references/>

Prower

2010-04-19T04:42:37Z

Parapluie: Punchy's CWCipedia article

[[Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg|thumb|Punchy taking his [[Layla|bitch]] for a stroll.]]
[[Image:Prowl_prower.jpg|thumb|left|Not similar at all! [[Chris|We]] swear!]]

'''Prower''' (sometimes spelled '''Prowler''') is [[Punchy Sonichu]]'s [[Transformers|Autobot]] motorcycle. It is unknown what involvement Prower had in the death of [[Sarah Jackson]]; however, foul play is suspected.

{{quote|Punchy's Motorbike is also an Autobot. Sidecar to make strong armor for the quick, slick and stealthy Prower. He relies on his Ninjitsu, Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images make him a Sharp close-bot-attacker.|[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Prower CWCipedia]}}

It is obvious that Prower is a totally original character; Any similarity with the Autobot cyber-ninja Prowl from Transformers Animated is purely coincidental. Like their samurai armor (which is a sidecar in vehicle-mode). And their name. And their vehicle-mode. And the fact that both are ninjas, relying on stealth, holographic images and shurikens to fight. Wouldn't be too surprised if Prower knew the secrets of "processor over matter" and had boosters to temporarily fly! Chris, you are a genius.

In the [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Punchy Sonichu]], Chris elaborates on the circumstances under which Punchy and Prower met. It basically amounts to Punchy noticing a motorcycle, talking to it, and it talking back (of note: Prower seems to far more well-versed in [[random-access humor]] than Punchy, despite Chris frequently expounding on the latter's prowess in that arena). The two then nonsensically agreed to be [[homos|partners]]. Chris also cutely dubs them "[[Chris and sex|Friends of the Fist]]".<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

It is also worth noting that Prower is extremely close to how a stereotypical Asian would pronounce Prowler, perhaps a reference to Punchy's blatantly obvious ethnicity. Another coincidence is that our [[autistic]] hero has, amongst the ocean of useless junk that lies in his bedroom, an Animated Prowl model, which is briefly shown in Chris' video [[CWCFlyingElephants]].

In a last display of intellectual theft, "Prower" is also the last name of the character "Tails" in [[Sonic the Hedgehog|you know damn well what]].

{{CWCipedia}}
{{clear}}
==See also==
*[[Power]]

== References ==
<references/>

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Transformers]]
<references/>

Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)

2010-04-19T04:22:27Z

Parapluie:

On 18 [[April 2010]], Chris created a page on the [[CWCipedia]] detailing many of the girls he's known, (or believed he knew) over his lifetime.

This list offers yet another disturbing look into Chris's deeply fucked-up mind. While most people on the internet avoid revealing their own personal information, Chris has apparently ran out of things he hasn't told about himself, and is now revealing the secrets of others. The fact that he's doing this post-[[Wallflower]] is surprising, considering that she broke off all ties with him because he leaked her information to the internet. The only explanation that currently exists for this recent action is that Chris is either an idiot or an asshole. Possibly both.

The list contains a mixture of real people and trolls, and is apparently in chronological order since he met them. Oddly, he includes one of his grade-school teachers on a list that is otherwise 100% people Chris wanted to bang. Notable omissions include troll heroine [[Vivian Gee]] whom Chris has repeatedly claimed is a gal-pal, and the [[Hambeast|obese girl]] Chris went out with once. [[Rocky Shoemaker]] is also nowhere to be seen, which is unusual considering the inclusion of Mrs. Virginia Sanford, and the [[IRC (23 July 2009)|fact that he wanted to rape her]]. Another notable omission is [[Blanca Weiss]], whom Chris has finally identified as a troll. Interestingly, Chris finally admits that the breakup of his friendship with [[Megan]] was due to his own actions, and in no way implicates his trolls. He also seems cognizant that [[PandaHalo]] did not die in the Australian brushfires, though his new theory on her whereabouts is equally dodgy.

What follows is the text of the page, unaltered aside from Wiki styling, and attempts to conceal the identity of [[The Wallflower]].

==Page text==
I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], have had a good number of women friends in my lifetime. They cared and respected me; they were ALL honest and good to me. Most of what my Trolls say when they DARE to drag their names through the mud with mine are Lies or Exaggerations. I am here to set the records straight.

==How Do I Get and Know So Many Women?==
**A Major Reason I have had more women friends then males, is mostly due to the Medically Found Fact (which was found early in my life) that I get along better with Females than with Males.
 -I am naturally attracted to women, Pure and Simple.
 -In my view, women are more sweet, understanding and honest than most men are.
 -After they get to know me in person, women tend to like me much more.
 -I Am Good Looking.

==The Women in my Life==

===[[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] (Spicer)===

My first female friend, and my childhood Best Friend, Sarah was and still is a very nice and sweet girl. She has affected me with positive encouragement in my life. Although I have lost touch with her since she married her husband, William, I will never forget her as the friend I have had longest in my lifetime.

===Tiffany Robinson===

My First Crush; she was a very pretty girl back in my Green County School days. We would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days.

===Mrs. [[Virginia Sanford]]===

She was the most influential teacher in my life. During my years at Providence Middle School, she taught me better social skills, how to better cope with other people, bullies and life. With a positive and fun tomboyish attitude, she was a teacher any child would be most proud to look up to and be taught by.

===Natasha Turner===

Another girl, slightly older than me, who I felt fond of. I did not meet her until my Providence Middle days. We were next-door neighbors for a while. She hung out with me at the nearby School Bus Stop. She was a good girl.

===Laura Beth Dorazio===

I did not meet her until my Freshman Year at Manchester High (she was a Cheerleader then); she was two grades ahead of me, and apparently she went to Providence Middle and was in the same class as me during my time, but she advanced to High School about 7th Grade. She was a pretty girl; I had a crush on her that one year.

===[[Kellie Lyn Andes]]===

Kellie was my High School Sweetheart ([[Chris and reality|in my point of view]]). She was a pretty, sweet and smart girl in my class. We shared a number of classes together. After graduation, I kept touch with her for a while, then that touch got lost. Last I heard from a possibly hers MySpace page, she later got married and now has three children. If I could go back, I would date her [[Sex|and then some]]. I HAD TO BE NAIVE ON THE DATING SUBJECT BACK THEN!!!

===[[Tiffany Nicole Gowen]]===

She was a good girl and a good friend to me back in Manchester High. We shared a few classes, and sat at the same lunch table one year or two. She had a spot of a tomboy in her, and reminded me of Peppermint Patty. She danced with me at the Seinor Prom, and I look forward to returning the favor at the Class Reunion.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===

Another good girl of my class; shared classes and a lunch table. Not a moment flew by where I did not see her with her M.H.S. Sweetheart, Brian Smart (Lucky Dude). Last I heard, they broke up years ago now.

===Molly Quarles===

She was funny, sweet and possibly a bit quirky. We shared a few classes, and she was a cheerleader the same year as Laura Beth Dorazio during my Freshman Year, yet Molly was a Freshman too back then. Two years in a dating match-up thing they had every Valentines Day at M.H.S., I got matched up with Molly. The ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then.

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===

A pretty girl, and was a big brain of my Circle of Friends. We shared a few classes; she was in my Class as well. She helped me in the early days of my Website Days by redesigning the "CWC's Pok'eSite 2!" Logo; she did a great job.

===[[Anna McLerran]]===

I met Anna while she was working at a PacSun in Fashion Square during my young adult years and the early days of my Sweetheart Search. She was a good and honest woman. It made me sad when much later she and her family moved to Utah. I later learned she was a Lesbian, and I do not hold that against her at all.

===[[Megan Schroeder]]===

She and I were good friends for years when I was going to the Pok'emon TCG League and the Yu-Gi-Oh Tournaments. I was hoping she and I would become Sweethearts, but I got too close; freaked her out a bit and eventually lost her. I still miss her sometimes.

===[[Sarah Jackson]]===

About during the time I was having an online relationship with one Blanca Weiss (Later learned she was a Troll), I met Sarah Jackson online. She was a good woman with sound advice and wisdom. She respected and understood me. Unfortunately, she got into an automobile accident and passed on.

===[[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]], A.K.A. PandaHalo===

She was a true and good Sonichu Girl (Fan); in further conversations long after I ended it with "Blanca", Sarah and I established an online relationship, and it was good. Sadly, she would get raped by the troll, "Clyde Cash" and stolen from me with their fated child. For over a year, I had thought she fell victim of the Australian Bushfires of Janurary, 2009, and I mourned over her and kept her in my heart. I recently learned that she was still alive, married to Clyde and with healthy child. Even though my memorial dedications were apparently a loss, I wish Sarah and Clyde many happy years in their marriage.

===[[Ivy O'Neil]]===

Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging.

===[[Kacey Devoria]]===

As I was in the online combat for my own identity against the [[Liquid Chris|Brown-Stripe-Wearing "Christian Chandler"]], I found my way into his e-mail account. There I found the e-mail of his girlfriend, Kacey. I felt I had to warn her about "Christian" lying to her about who he was. It got complicated as I pretended to be him, so I could show Kacey my face, the Real Face of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] of Ruckersville, VA, and Original Creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. Eventually, we would be good friends. Then with more complications, and "Christian"'s charm, she dumped me as a friend and got married to him. At least she has MET and was FRIENDS with the Real [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

''The dual links to "Christian Weston Chandler" in this passage were put there by Chris himself. He has something of an [[ego]] problem.''

===[[The Wallflower]]===

She and I had met in person at a Local Event in Charlottesville, VA. We started going out and were getting along together. We had plans on writing on a book together. But I made a huge honest mistake. To begin a small hype with the fans of her online FanFictions about our "Guardian of the Owl Kingdom", I started work on a level for LittleBiGPlanet. I uploaded a Foretaste Version of the level, stating that it was a "Chris Chan/Damien Anteria Production". Being Well-Aware of the Online Safety, I had thought she would be safe with me using her Pen Name; I HAD NEVER USED HER REAL NAME. But then my Trolls searched and found HER Facebook Page. The Trolls made a mockery page on their website about her; started harassing her and her family by pretending to be me on the telephone. Heather broke up our friendship, flat-out. If she did not have a Facebook Page, she would have been safe. But I have learned from my mistakes there.

''Chris used The Wallflower's real name as the title of this section. We have changed it to "The Wallflower" as she has requested that we not reveal her identity. Unlike Chris, we are true to our word.''

==External links==
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Gal-Pals_and_Past_Sweethearts The page]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:CWCipedia]]
[[Category:Historical_Documents]]

The Hook Cafe

2010-04-10T08:52:24Z

Parapluie:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a fat and [[homos|deeply closeted]] manchild.]]
[[Image:direct2sex.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of the ad, as of 5 April 2010.]]

The local alternative weekly paper in [[Charlottesville]] is ''The Hook'', and its online personal-ads site is called '''The Hook Cafe'''. Some time in early [[2010]], Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "[[Chris and sex|direct2sex]]," declaring that he "Need [[China|Sexy Sweets]] from Woman." On 9 April 2010, the moderators on the site deleted Chris's profile, possibly due to a flood of fake profiles set up by trolls. Several troll profiles were also deleted.

The ad is one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and is now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get sex, and that if Chris could get to the [[hanky-panky]] without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. Before the discovery of this profile, the clearest evidence of this was [[Mailbag 53#So much for true love|one of Chris's mailbag responses]].

Of note are the differences between this and his previous [[dating profiles]]. Chris is apparently making an attempt at being a grown up, and as a result he neglects to mention [[Sonichu]], his [[autism]] or the fact he's a twenty eight year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]]. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like figure in his potential mate). In the past he had been open to the idea of dating an 18 year old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for legal reasons.

This is not the first time Chris has posted a personal ad on the Hook Cafe. An earlier attempt, where Chris promoted himself as a "Handsome Virgin searching for Woman," fell victim to hackers around the beginning of 2009. Unfortunately, most of its original contents weren't preserved before the trolls gave it a makeover. It's the hacked version that's referred to in Chris's [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|20 January 2009 IRC chat]].

A ninety day pass to the site is $40, which means that Chris had to use his [[monthly tugboat]] to put the ad up.

==Ad==
The following is all the information included in the ad as of 5 April 2010. All misspellings or unusual capitalizations are from the original page. The peculiar entry under "Religion" (which lists his affiliation as both "Methodist" and "None") is probably the result of an error Chris made when filling out the form that produced his profile.

===Introduction===

I am an [[honest content|honest]], [[Chris and anger|compassionate]] [[Megan Saga|gentleman]], with a good sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. I am looking for good time(s) with a woman; I'm not getting any younger. I would like a 21-28 year old woman with a pretty face, a sexy slim to average body and an honest and compassionate personality. Show me your honest and sweet interest and love, and I'll show you a good time. Hit me up with an e-mail with your photo and digits, and I will respond quickly in suit. Smokers, [[Obesity|overweights]], [[Niggos|blacks]] and [[List of Chris's lies|liars]] need not apply.

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Man''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''[[Fuck Quest|Friends with benefits]], Some Action, Casual Dating''' 
Body Type: '''[[Obesity|Average, Muscular, Height / Weight proportionate]]''' 
Eyes: '''[[Heterochromia|L=Blue, R=Green]]''' 
Height: '''5' 10"''' 
Hair Type: '''Brown''' 
Age: '''28''' 
Seeks: [[china|'''Woman for Dating, Woman for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|College graduate]]''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''[[Chris and religion|None, Christian / Methodist]]''' 
Political Leanings: '''[[Obama|Moderate]]''' 
City: '''Ruckersville''' 
Occupation: '''[[Chris and art|Artist]]''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Socially]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-chu|Car]], [[Sonichu's Edge|Walk]]''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Obesity|Conscious Omnivore]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''[[R.L. Stine|Reading]], [[Sonichu|Creating]], [[Guitar Hero|Playing sports]], [[Chris's Big Night Out|Clubbing]], [[30_Push-Ups|Working out]], [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Shopping]], [[McDonald's|Dining out]], Biking''' 
Funniest Thing: '''A man chasing a dog. [[Random-access humor|And the dog has a ham in its mouth]]'''

===Deeper===
The best thing about Charlottesville is: '''The vast history behind it.'''

My radio dial is usually tuned to? '''Z-95.1'''

Quote a line from your favorite movie. '''[[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticespialadocious]]'''

Thomas Jefferson makes me: '''feel inspired and better enjoy Charlottesville, VA.'''

The first thing I read in the Hook is? '''The Arts.'''

Name three things [[Semen|you shouldn't have eaten]]. '''Beets, [[Pickles]], Relish.'''

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''smokers''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: [[Chris and reality|the brain of a '''college graduate''' and the body of a '''Playboy Womam]]'''

[[Mom|People]] say '''[[Chris and his Ego|my face is my best feature]]'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''the Arts'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''sweet compassion''' The quickest way to my bed is '''honest lovin'''' And in the morning, I like my [[Christian's sex joke|eggs]] cooked '''fried and well-done'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'''

'''[[Golden Corral]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
'''Best Buy''' or Sidetracks

'''Summer''' or Winter

'''[[Hex Box|PC]]''' or Mac

'''Cavaliers''' or [[War Paint Video|Redskins]]

'''[[Chris and death|Casket]]''' or Cremation

Fax or '''Email'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==See also==
*[[Dating profiles]]
*[[Match.com]]

==External links==
*<s>[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250471 Chris's Hook Cafe profile]</s> Deleted
*<s>[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250682 Here Comes a New Challenger!]</s> Also deleted

[[Category:Websites]]

The Hook Cafe

2010-04-10T08:51:51Z

Parapluie:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a fat and [[homos|deeply closeted]] manchild.]]
[[Image:direct2sex.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of the ad, as of 5 April 2010.]]

The local alternative weekly paper in [[Charlottesville]] is ''The Hook'', and its online personal-ads site is called '''The Hook Cafe'''. Some time in early [[2010]], Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "[[Chris and sex|direct2sex]]," declaring that he "Need [[China|Sexy Sweets]] from Woman." On 9 April 2010, the moderators on the site deleted Chris's profile, possibly due to a flood of fake profiles set up by trolls. Several troll profiles were also deleted.

The ad is one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and is now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get sex, and that if Chris could get to the [[hanky-panky]] without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. Before the discovery of this profile, the clearest evidence of this was [[Mailbag 53#So much for true love|one of Chris's mailbag responses]].

Of note are the differences between this and his previous [[dating profiles]]. Chris is apparently making an attempt at being a grown up, and as a result he neglects to mention [[Sonichu]], his [[autism]] or the fact he's a twenty eight year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]]. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like figure in his potential mate). In the past he had been open to the idea of dating an 18 year old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for legal reasons.

This is not the first time Chris has posted a personal ad on the Hook Cafe. An earlier attempt, where Chris promoted himself as a "Handsome Virgin searching for Woman," fell victim to hackers around the beginning of 2009. Unfortunately, most of its original contents weren't preserved before the trolls gave it a makeover. It's the hacked version that's referred to in Chris's [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|20 January 2009 IRC chat]].

A ninety day pass to the site is $40, which means that Chris had to use his [[monthly tugboat]] to put the ad up.

On 9 April 2010, the moderators on the site deleted Chris's profile, possibly due to a flood of fake profiles set up by trolls. Several troll profiles have also been deleted.

==Ad==
The following is all the information included in the ad as of 5 April 2010. All misspellings or unusual capitalizations are from the original page. The peculiar entry under "Religion" (which lists his affiliation as both "Methodist" and "None") is probably the result of an error Chris made when filling out the form that produced his profile.

===Introduction===

I am an [[honest content|honest]], [[Chris and anger|compassionate]] [[Megan Saga|gentleman]], with a good sense of [[Random-access humor|humor]]. I am looking for good time(s) with a woman; I'm not getting any younger. I would like a 21-28 year old woman with a pretty face, a sexy slim to average body and an honest and compassionate personality. Show me your honest and sweet interest and love, and I'll show you a good time. Hit me up with an e-mail with your photo and digits, and I will respond quickly in suit. Smokers, [[Obesity|overweights]], [[Niggos|blacks]] and [[List of Chris's lies|liars]] need not apply.

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Man''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''[[Fuck Quest|Friends with benefits]], Some Action, Casual Dating''' 
Body Type: '''[[Obesity|Average, Muscular, Height / Weight proportionate]]''' 
Eyes: '''[[Heterochromia|L=Blue, R=Green]]''' 
Height: '''5' 10"''' 
Hair Type: '''Brown''' 
Age: '''28''' 
Seeks: [[china|'''Woman for Dating, Woman for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|College graduate]]''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''[[Chris and religion|None, Christian / Methodist]]''' 
Political Leanings: '''[[Obama|Moderate]]''' 
City: '''Ruckersville''' 
Occupation: '''[[Chris and art|Artist]]''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Socially]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-chu|Car]], [[Sonichu's Edge|Walk]]''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Obesity|Conscious Omnivore]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''[[R.L. Stine|Reading]], [[Sonichu|Creating]], [[Guitar Hero|Playing sports]], [[Chris's Big Night Out|Clubbing]], [[30_Push-Ups|Working out]], [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Shopping]], [[McDonald's|Dining out]], Biking''' 
Funniest Thing: '''A man chasing a dog. [[Random-access humor|And the dog has a ham in its mouth]]'''

===Deeper===
The best thing about Charlottesville is: '''The vast history behind it.'''

My radio dial is usually tuned to? '''Z-95.1'''

Quote a line from your favorite movie. '''[[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticespialadocious]]'''

Thomas Jefferson makes me: '''feel inspired and better enjoy Charlottesville, VA.'''

The first thing I read in the Hook is? '''The Arts.'''

Name three things [[Semen|you shouldn't have eaten]]. '''Beets, [[Pickles]], Relish.'''

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''smokers''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: [[Chris and reality|the brain of a '''college graduate''' and the body of a '''Playboy Womam]]'''

[[Mom|People]] say '''[[Chris and his Ego|my face is my best feature]]'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''the Arts'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''sweet compassion''' The quickest way to my bed is '''honest lovin'''' And in the morning, I like my [[Christian's sex joke|eggs]] cooked '''fried and well-done'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'''

'''[[Golden Corral]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
'''Best Buy''' or Sidetracks

'''Summer''' or Winter

'''[[Hex Box|PC]]''' or Mac

'''Cavaliers''' or [[War Paint Video|Redskins]]

'''[[Chris and death|Casket]]''' or Cremation

Fax or '''Email'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==See also==
*[[Dating profiles]]
*[[Match.com]]

==External links==
*<s>[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250471 Chris's Hook Cafe profile]</s> Deleted
*<s>[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250682 Here Comes a New Challenger!]</s> Also deleted

[[Category:Websites]]

Bob Chandler

2010-04-08T03:36:08Z

Parapluie: Bob born in Ft. Worth

: ''"'''Bob'''" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|This ain't my time yet.|Bob laughing at death <ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|thumb|Bob is old. He makes sure to let you know that.]]
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his Final Form.]]

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (04 [[Wikipedia:1927#September|September 1927]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–? ) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father.

Despite being a racist and homophobic redneck, '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 28 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|Bob is a pretty "old fashioned" type of guy.]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas<ref>[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.<ref name="About" /> A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref>[[Prank calls]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had English ancestry.]]

Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

===What about Bob?===
[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 March 2010, Chris [[Twitter|Twittered]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] heart failure. Chris seemed confident that his father would be coming home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris's outlook on the situation may be premature, if not extremely optimistic]]. Bob is the only thing keeping [[14_Branchland_Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wish him the best.

Now more than a month after the announcement, nothing more is known about Bob's condition other than that he was in the hospital for congestive heart failure. Information about his condition may be hard to come by, as we only learn something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestive_heart_failure Congenital Heart Failure on Wikipedia]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle make this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the last month have made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris has instead lost a [[The_Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/] claimed to have contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] purportedly of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you." This claim has not yet been verified.

It is probably safe to assume that Bob is no longer in the hospital. But whether he is on the road to recovery or returning home to die is still unknown. The only way to keep tabs on Bob's health may be to [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ read the Charlottesville] and [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/greenenews/ Greene County obituaries]. Recent mailbag questions and ads on CWCipedia have been aimed at getting an answer about Bob once and for all.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with [[Bob]] for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his autistic ass for 27 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of his autistic ass, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.'''<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob talked to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[Church audio|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
</gallery>
</center>
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-29T06:49:20Z

Parapluie:

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]
{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s, he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. At age 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a dime]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''LittleBigPlanet'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===
In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===
A big example of Chris's hypocrisy is the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight]] lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="Nobody Needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet Forever===

On the afternoon of Sunday March 21st, Chris announced he was [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokemon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of Monday, March 22nd — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''The Cleveland Show'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and race

2010-03-23T09:44:03Z

Parapluie: /* Asians */ Emiry-chan

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris said he liked this pic.]]
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian.
Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]].

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Middle Eastern==
Chris's now defunct livejournal blog is significant in that it is one of the only times he's ever tried discussing political and social issues, but of course, fails miserably. One notable post of his has him accusing Barack Obama of being a known arab who "hangs out with terrorist." Further, he states Barack Obama's religious beliefs (implying Islam) are incompatible with the presidency, goes on to suggest he may run for president soon (despite not being old enough) and ends it by saying people who aren't aren't American couldn't possibly understand democracy, because they are ruled by dictators and kings.<ref>http://cwcsonichu.livejournal.com/3897.html</ref>

In another stunning post where he fails to understand absentee balloting, poverty in the third world and for whatever reason tries to muster civil responsibility in his readers, despite lacking it himself he says: "You should vote because of all of the troops who are overseas who don't have the opportunity to vote. Remember, if you don't vote, they're fighting in vein, and you might as well start learning arabic now because that's where the country is headed if we don't vote." <ref>http://cwcsonichu.livejournal.com/3620.html</ref>

When confronted about this from an Iranian troll, Chris said that he does not "think Middle Eastern people are terrorists however if they hang out with other Middle Eastern people they will then be considered terrorists," thus giving more insight to Chris's back-assward and racist reasoning caused by his autism.

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}

In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create a similar Pokémon named Ludicolo.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries previously controlled by Spain.

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|Chris is a '''wiggo'''.]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris' perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]", and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. Repercussions of this event are yet to be seen.

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (very black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [will turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-23T09:25:52Z

Parapluie: /* "I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence */

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]
{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. At age 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a dime]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''LittleBigPlanet'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===
In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===
A big example of Chris's hypocrisy is the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight]] lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence===

On the afternoon of Sunday March 21st, Chris announced he was [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the [[Myspace|social]] [[Facebook|networking]] capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokemon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of Monday, March 22nd - about a day and a half later, he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''The Cleveland Show'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], returning to school, finding paid employment, or even giving an actual apology to a [[Megan|former]] [[The Wallflower|friend]] he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

This wasn't the first time Chris had supposedly quit the internet in a fit of rage: a year earlier at the end of March 2009, Chris released [[YouTube Finale]], in which he swore off the shackles of Mother YouTube, only to return in early April. Amusingly, Chris used this video to announce that his loyal fans would "continue to be rewarded," while his March 2010 flounce announced that he would no longer be posting his comics online for his fans.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-23T09:22:22Z

Parapluie: /* "I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence */

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]
{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. At age 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a dime]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''LittleBigPlanet'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===
In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===
A big example of Chris's hypocrisy is the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight]] lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence===

On the afternoon of Sunday March 21st, Chris announced he was [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the [[Myspace|social]] [[Facebook|networking]] capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokemon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of Monday, March 22nd - about a day and a half later, he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''The Cleveland Show'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], returning to school, finding paid employment, or even giving an actual apology to a [[Megan|former]] [[The Wallflower|friend]] he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

this wasn't the first time Chris had supposedly quit the internet in a fit of rage: a year earlier at the end of March 2009, Chris released [[YouTube Finale]], in which he swore off the shackles of Mother YouTube, only to return in early April. Amusingly, Chris used this video to announce that his loyal fans would "continue to be rewarded," while his March 2010 flounce announced that he would no longer be posting his comics online for his fans.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-23T09:18:50Z

Parapluie: /* "I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence */

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]
{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. At age 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a dime]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''LittleBigPlanet'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===
In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===
A big example of Chris's hypocrisy is the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight]] lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence===

On the afternoon of Sunday March 21st, Chris announced he was [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the [[Myspace|social]] [[Facebook|networking]] capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokemon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of Monday, March 22nd - about a day and a half later, he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''The Cleveland Show'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], returning to school, finding paid employment, or even giving an actual apology to a [[Megan|former]] [[The Wallflower|friend]] he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

Appropriately, this wasn't the first time Chris had supposedly quit the internet in a fit of rage: a year earlier at the end of March 2009, Chris released [[YouTube Finale]], in which he swore off the shackles of Mother YouTube, only to return in early April. Amusingly, Chris used this video to announce that his loyal fans would "continue to be rewarded," while his March 2010 flounce announced that he would no longer be posting his comics online for his fans.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-23T09:15:37Z

Parapluie: /* "I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence */ -> (added YouTube finale)

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]
{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. At age 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a dime]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''LittleBigPlanet'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===
In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===
A big example of Chris's hypocrisy is the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight]] lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence===

On the afternoon of Sunday March 21st, Chris announced he was [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the [[Myspace|social]] [[Facebook|networking]] capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokemon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of Monday, March 22nd -- about a day and a half later -- he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''The Cleveland Show'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], returning to school, finding paid employment, or even giving an actual apology to a [[Megan|former]] [[The Wallflower|friend]] he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

Appropriately, this wasn't the first time Chris had supposedly quit the internet in a fit of rage: a year earlier at the end of March 2009, Chris released [[YouTube Finale]], in which he swore off the shackles of the online world, only to return in early April. Amusingly, Chris used this video to announce that his loyal fans will "continue to be rewarded," while his March 2010 flounce announced that he would no longer be posting his comics online for his fans.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-23T08:53:13Z

Parapluie:

To do: Go through the mailbags and find more examples. These should include multiple instances of Chris telling others to do one thing when he himself does the complete opposite, or at the very least really outrageous examples. Also I wouldn't include things where Chris just calls people "weak" when he himself is weak because Chris is an idiot and thinks he's strong because he can lift doghouses. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 21:31, 5 December 2009 (CET)

This is a rather specific topic but given that the List of Chris's lies have devolved from being a list of lies to any sort of hypocrisy on Chris's part (which isn't the same as lying) or people assuming things about this, this page can also help clean up the Lies page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:11, 5 December 2009 (CET)

==A few suggestions==
Copypasting 'em from Anaconda/Sandbox's talk page:
* Chris drinks his navy, but doesn't like homos;
* Chris doesn't like people stealing his OCs, but steals other people's ideas (and other people's OCs) all the time;
* The Adam Stackhouse incident (Chris cheated to win a contest, and then was outraged about his rival's supposed cheating);
* To add to the "Get a life" section: Chris made a [[Quizzes|quiz]] about trolls – but Chris himself fits 7 of 8 requirements he listed;
* Chris hates when people critique his work, but often critiques other people's works (and even fan creations);
* Chris banned alcohol in CWCville, but drinks it himself;
* Chris Ian scolded Liquid Chris for "stealing his identity", and then tried to do the same thing while hitting on Kacey;
* Chris critiqued Liquid on the same traits Liquid just took up to imitate Chris;
* Chris often complains about "jerks" stealing his girls, and then tried to steal Liquid's fiancee;
* Chris hates men who have girlfriends (except gfs who are "black or married"), he tells them to jump from a cliff, he wants them to die, etc. But then, in Sonichu 5, Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops are attacking and arresting boyfriends and separating them from their women! Is Mary Lee Walsh acting as an antihero in this sequence? Or is it just Chris's hypocrisy?
Holding for a hero who would convert them into proper literary form. Not that I'm lazy, I'm just-- scratch that, I ''am'' lazy :) --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 23:21, 5 December 2009 (CET)

I'll try to get some of these things written up. I'd actually started to put together my own "Chris and hypocrisy" page before this went up. I inserted a bit of my introductory paragraph into what's already here. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 04:45, 6 December 2009 (CET)

==Here's my own suggestion==
When Chris told a couple people that they have problems of their own and they're the ones who should go to a psychiatrist. One of the people called him a sociopath (and explained in detail why) and the other didn't get why Chris suggested him watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin to understand his way or life or some dumb shit. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 03:14, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
* I think I listed a bunch of reasons why he could be a sociopath. And he's mostly opposed to psychiatrist/psychologists/professional therapists and counselors because they cost money. This is somewhat of a legitimate concern, but when Chris was forced to see one as a condition of his return to PVCC his therapist worked on a sliding scale where he paid like $20/visit. Most of them will do this: they're not willing to give their services for free, but they understand if you're in financial trouble and will lower their prices accordingly. But Chris thinks that $20 would be better spent on new hats for Little Big Planet than working on overcoming his many personal issues. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:15, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

==Moof or aloof==
So I wrote some stuff about Chris's recent incredible hypocrisy regarding violence. It's pretty awful and could use some editing. I can't remember where he said that his comic would never contain gore, and I have to get some other work done, so if someone could pick up my slack, that would be cool.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:36, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*On it, boss --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 16:42, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

==Sweetheart from the Ground Up==

This is sorta iffy. He doesn't acknowledge that he's poor or fat. In the case of the latter he's made many lame rationalizations about his weight, like his "past" Buddha belly, being born with manboobs, and it being totally normal to have to stop every minute or so while jogging. Also he'll squeeze into shirts he wore in high school or in the early 2000s and will have to wear a T-shirt underneath to cover his gut. According to one of the FA's iconic striped shirt only comes down to about his navel. But despite all evidence to the contrary Chris denies being fat. He also thinks that he's making more money being on welfare than he could get working a full-time job, and has an extremely poor grasp of savings, finances, etc. For example: he thinks the sales tax he pays when he buys things at a store is the same thing as income tax, and that sales tax somehow "goes back" to people on government assistance. Plus Chris obviously didn't give a shit about the Hambeast's obvious fatness when out on a date with her, beyond make rude comments about it ("I could help you work off that weight" etc). The "no autistics" thing is covered elsewhere on this page, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:26, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

==Online presence==

I moved the section 'leaving the internet' to a different section called 'online presence' which could maybe be expanded to not only tackle some of the points he makes in that video (e.g. that healthy people go outside and have friends, which is pretty staggering) but also some of his other moments of hypocrisy as related to his online presence -- stuffing the online vote against Adam Stackhouse and then railing against cheating, for example, or complaining bitterly about being trolled and then using the same tactics against Clyde et al (resulting in the infamous 9/11 videos). If this is too broad or specious a topic, feel free to move it around, but the 'leaving the internet' section seemed kind of lonely sitting there by itself. [[User:Parapluie|Parapluie]] 08:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-03-23T08:48:18Z

Parapluie: moved 'leaving the internet' to become a section in 'examples'

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]
{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. At age 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a dime]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''LittleBigPlanet'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===
In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===
A big example of Chris's hypocrisy is the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight]] lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="I do not need the internet, nobody needs the internet!" — Online presence===

On the afternoon of Sunday March 21st, Chris announced he was [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the [[Myspace|social]] [[Facebook|networking]] capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokemon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of Monday, March 22nd -- about a day and a half later -- he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''The Cleveland Show'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], returning to school, finding paid employment, or even giving an actual apology to a [[Megan|former]] [[The Wallflower|friend]] he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

1990s

2010-03-07T08:13:18Z

Parapluie: Atsimu!

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in the nineties.]]
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and [[Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0505-ChristianWLlamma.jpg|thumb|right|WTF [[Niggos|nigger]].]]

The '''1990s''' is the decade that marks the beginning of [[Chris]]'s obsession with [[Sonic]] and [[Pokémon]] which would one day lead to the abomination that is [[Sonichu]]. He also started using the interwebs in this decade.

==1990==
'''1990''' would be our problematic autistic's last year at [[Greene County Primary School]]. It is unknown why he left, and whether he got thrown out.

[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris meets [[Sonic]].]]
[[Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1991'''.]]
[[Image:0067-Christian%26Barbie.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and Barbie. That little Sonic plushie would be featured again, decades later, in [[Kimmi|Christian's sex vid]].]]
[[Image:0224-ChristianOnABus.jpg|thumb|right|Chris wants to see the schoolbus.]]
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1995'''.]]
[[Image:0105-MomRetire13.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1996'''.]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|thumb|right|Christmas '''1996'''. Spoiled fuck.]]
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1997'''. He had to water the niggos.]]
[[Image:0500-CWCAsh1.jpg|thumb|right|'''1999''', the Poké-madness breaks loose.]]
[[Image:0419-ChristianIs17-14.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1999'''. This image is win.]]
[[Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|thumb|right|Typical Chris pic from '''1999'''.]]

===Events of 1990===
* February 24 - Christopher's 8th birthday.
* June - Christopher becomes a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] according to him.<ref>From the [[Sonichu]] article on [[CWCipedia]]</ref> This is, however, historically impossible.
* August/September - Chris enters third grade at [[Greene County Primary School]].

==1991==
'''1991''' would be a troublesome year for Christopher. He switched schools to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], but had a conflict with the principal. Certain teachers also supposedly abused Chris, and the school's administration wanted Chris put in intense special education or in an "institution."

===Events of 1991===
* This year - Christopher is first introduced to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>
* February 24 - Christopher's 9th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]. He soon develops a disliking towards the allegedly [[homos|homosexual]] principal of the school.
* This year - Chris is supposedly "abused" by the teachers at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]. <ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* This year - Christopher's father, [[Bob Chandler]], takes "abusive" teachers to court, but fails.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* This year - Chris is removed from school and home-schooled.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>

==1992==
In '''1992''', Chris was removed from Nathanael Greene Elementary School and became home-schooled. Also, to prevent Chris from being put in an institution or intensive special education, the Chandler family moved to [[Richmond]].

===Events of 1992===
* February 24 - Christopher's 10th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters fourth grade. He is home-schooled.
* September - The Chandler family moves to [[Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments]] in Chesterfield County, Richmond, because they are afraid Chris will be "locked up in an institution." They keep their home in [[Ruckersville]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]}</ref>

==1993==
In '''1993''', Chris started attending [[Providence Middle School]] in Richmond. He became more and more obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, even entering a Sonic contest.

===Events of 1993===
* February 24 - Christopher's 11th birthday.
* August/September - Chris starts attending Providence Middle School, entering the sixth grade.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* September - The Chandler family moves to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7. Also based upon statements done by Chris in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]].</ref>
* Autumn - Chris enters the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].<ref>As stated in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] video.</ref>
* November 20 - Chris gets Spiderman's autograph at the mall, and meets Mario.
<gallery>
Image:402-CWCsSpiderManCardFr.jpg
Image:403-CWCsSpiderManCardBa.jpg|Sweet! (Scrapbook)
Image:0066-Christian&Mario.jpg
Image:0068-ChristianSpiderMan.jpg
Image:0070-CWCsSpiderManCardBa.jpg|(DVD Slideshow)
</gallery>
* December 29 - [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|An article]] in the Richmond Times-Dispatch discusses Chris, his name change, and the Sonic contest.<ref>[http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/timesdispatch/access/615847621.html?dids=615847621:615847621&FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&type=current&date=Dec+29,+1993&author=Barbara+Green&pub=Richmond+Times+-+Dispatch&desc=IT+TOOK+A+TALKING+BEAR+TO+GIVE+THE+NAME+A+YOUNG+BOY+LOVES&pqatl=google It took a talking bear to give a young boy loves], Barbara Green - Richmond Times</ref>

==1994==
In '''1994''', Chris pestered his parents into letting him change his name. He also won the Sonic contest.

===Events of 1994===
* Winter - Christopher [[Christopher's name change|changes his name]] to Christian.
* February 24 - Christian's 12th birthday.
* February 26 - Christian wins the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
**'''Sonichu canon''' - the Pichu who would become [[Sonichu]] evolves into Pikachu.
**First anniversary of the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center bombing]] that killed 6 people and injured over 1,000 more. Chris, being the stupid, insensitive bastard he is, [[Chris and reality|doesn't notice let alone know of the bombing that occurred the year before]].
* May 9 - The Case of Bob Chandler vs Greene County School Board is dismissed.<ref>From [http://208.210.219.132/stars/select.jsp Court of Appeals of Virginia Case Information]</ref>
* August/September - Christian enters the seventh grade at Providence Middle School.

==1995==
In '''1995''', Chris entered eighth grade at Providence Middle School.

===Events of 1995===
* February 24 - Christian's 13th birthday.
* August/September - Christian enters the eighth grade at Providence Middle School.
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments and into the [[Surrywood Subdivision]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

==1996==
'''1996''' was a rather stressful year for Chris's parents. The neighbors of their new house in [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]] started spreading rumors about the Chandler family. This was rather hard for Bob and Barbara to bear. Christian himself didn't seem to mind the trouble too much, and started attending [[Manchester High School]].

===Events of 1996===
* February 24 - Christian's 14th birthday.
* Early - Barbara retires from Secretarial Services at [[Virginia (state)|Virginia]] Power.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* Late Spring - Christian graduates from Providence Middle School on [[honor roll]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of the Surrywood Subdivision, and starts living in the [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]]. According to Chris, some of the neighbors spread rumors about his family.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* September 1 - Christian begins his freshman year at [[Manchester High School]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Autumn - Chris becomes a water boy for the varsity basketball team.
* November 13 - During basketball practice, Chris thinks up [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

==1997==
In '''1997''', Chris is still studying happily at Manchester High School. He now also manages the school basketball team.

===Events of 1997===
* This year - Chris is rejected by [[Laura Dorazio]].
* February 24 - Christian's 15th birthday.
* June - Christian allegedly had a prophetic dream about Sonic the Hedgehog appearing on Game Boy.<ref>Claimed by Chris in his PowerPoint: [http://www.mediafire.com/?xe03yxe1zyp]</ref>
* August/September - Christian begins his sophomore year at Manchester High School.

==1998==
In '''1998''', Chris received an [[Honor roll|F]] in English class. This would hurt him severely, forcing him to create the [[Song of Christian]] in retribution. He also discovers [[masturbation]].

===Events of 1998===
* This year - Chris discovers masturbation <ref>[[Mass debating]]</ref>
* February 24 - Christian's 16th birthday.
* March - Chris starts volunteering as an assistant Gym Leader at [[Books-A-Million]].
* May 15 - [[Song of Christian]] released.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* June - '''Sonichu canon''' - a Pikachu collides into Super Sonic to become Sonichu.
* June 4 - Christian makes his [[Chris's DVD#Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera|Lego Raceway Animation]].<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* July 4 - '''Sonichu canon''' - Sonichu and Rosechu share their first kiss.
* August/September - Christian begins his junior year at Manchester High School.
* September 4 - Chris records a [[KCWC]] tape. [[Barbara]] "calls in" saying that she wants to request a song for Bob's 71st birthday, humoring him like he's six years old, when in reality, he was sixteen.
* November - '''Sonichu canon''' - Sonichu and Rosechu move to their house in Brunchville Lane in [[CWCville]], all paid by [[Monthly tugboat|government money]].

==1999==
In '''1999''', the [[Pokémon]] franchise became huge. During this time, Chris started making Pokémon-themed sites, and even got into the [[Chris's DVD#Chris Chan in the Pok'eNews|PokéNews]]. According to [[Lucas]], Chris started attending the [[Game Place]] round about this year.

===Events of 1999===
* February 24 - Christian's 17th birthday. To commemorate the occasion, Chris evidently completes a drawing, "[[Bionic]] Over Autism." This drawing would later be included in [[Sonichu 6]]. This is also the day when Espanolic, one of Chris's more racist creations, was born.
* April 25 - The domain for [[CWC's Pokésite 1]] in the pokemon community is reserved, by someone going by the name Starplayer, for use by Chris.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/19990902144020/http://pokemon.acmecity.com/james/190/</ref>
* July 3 - Christian launches CWC's Pokésite 1.<ref>Based upon the oldest posts in his guestbook (two congratulations by Christian's parents).</ref> Afterwards, he excitedly runs to his parents and demands that they sign the guestbook.
* July 22 - Christian launches [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].
* July 29 - A friend signs Chris's guestbook and tells him that she hopes he continues learning HTML.
* August/September - Christian begins his senior year at Manchester High School.
* September 22 - Christian writes his own myth - "[[How the Pokemon came into Our Poke Balls]]". According to Chris, his English teacher thought it was great.<ref>See: [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/cwcspokesite2/intrstry.htm]</ref>
* September 30 - A friend, Mrs. Johnson, signs Chris's guestbook and says that she knows of "others" that would like his website and she will pass it on to them.
* October 13 - Christian launches the news section on his [[CWC's Pokésite 2|new Pokémon site]].<ref>See: [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/cwcspokesite2/goldpoke.htm]</ref>
* October 16 - Christian is featured in [[Chris's DVD#Chris Chan in the Pok'eNews|PokéNews]], dressed up as Ash.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* October 30 - Christian publishes "How the Pokemon came into Our Poke Balls" on his [[CWC's Pokésite 2|Pokémon site]].<ref>See: [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/cwcspokesite2/intrstry.htm]</ref>

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

1990s

2010-03-07T08:11:18Z

Parapluie:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in the nineties.]]
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and [[Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0505-ChristianWLlamma.jpg|thumb|right|WTF [[Niggos|nigger]].]]

The '''1990s''' is the decade that marks the beginning of [[Chris]]'s obsession with [[Sonic]] and [[Pokémon]] which would one day lead to the abomination that is [[Sonichu]]. He also started using the interwebs in this decade.

==1990==
'''1990''' would be our problematic autistic's last year at [[Greene County Primary School]]. It is unknown why he left, and whether he got thrown out.

[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris meets [[Sonic]].]]
[[Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1991'''.]]
[[Image:0067-Christian%26Barbie.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and Barbie. That little Sonic plushie would be featured again, decades later, in [[Kimmi|Christian's sex vid]].]]
[[Image:0224-ChristianOnABus.jpg|thumb|right|Chris wants to see the schoolbus.]]
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1995'''.]]
[[Image:0105-MomRetire13.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1996'''.]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|thumb|right|Christmas '''1996'''. Spoiled fuck.]]
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1997'''. He had to water the niggos.]]
[[Image:0500-CWCAsh1.jpg|thumb|right|'''1999''', the Poké-madness breaks loose.]]
[[Image:0419-ChristianIs17-14.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1999'''. This image is win.]]
[[Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|thumb|right|Typical Chris pic from '''1999'''.]]

===Events of 1990===
* February 24 - Christopher's 8th birthday.
* June - Christopher becomes a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] according to him.<ref>From the [[Sonichu]] article on [[CWCipedia]]</ref> This is, however, historically impossible.
* August/September - Chris enters third grade at [[Greene County Primary School]].

==1991==
'''1991''' would be a troublesome year for Christopher. He switched schools to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], but had a conflict with the principal. Certain teachers also supposedly abused Chris, and the school's administration wanted Chris put in intense special education or in an "institution."

===Events of 1991===
* This year - Christopher is first introduced to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>
* February 24 - Christopher's 9th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]. He soon develops a disliking towards the allegedly [[homos|homosexual]] principal of the school.
* This year - Chris is supposedly "abused" by the teachers at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]. <ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* This year - Christopher's father, [[Bob Chandler]], takes "abusive" teachers to court, but fails.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* This year - Chris is removed from school and home-schooled.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>

==1992==
In '''1992''', Chris was removed from Nathanael Greene Elementary School and became home-schooled. Also, to prevent Chris from being put in an institution or intensive special education, the Chandler family moved to [[Richmond]].

===Events of 1992===
* February 24 - Christopher's 10th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters fourth grade. He is home-schooled.
* September - The Chandler family moves to [[Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments]] in Chesterfield County, Richmond, because they are afraid Chris will be "locked up in an institution." They keep their home in [[Ruckersville]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]}</ref>

==1993==
In '''1993''', Chris started attending [[Providence Middle School]] in Richmond. He became more and more obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, even entering a Sonic contest.

===Events of 1993===
* February 24 - Christopher's 11th birthday.
* August/September - Chris starts attending Providence Middle School, entering the sixth grade.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* September - The Chandler family moves to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7. Also based upon statements done by Chris in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]].</ref>
* Autumn - Chris enters the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].<ref>As stated in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] video.</ref>
* November 20 - Chris gets Spiderman's autograph at the mall, and meets Mario.
<gallery>
Image:402-CWCsSpiderManCardFr.jpg
Image:403-CWCsSpiderManCardBa.jpg|Sweet! (Scrapbook)
Image:0066-Christian&Mario.jpg
Image:0068-ChristianSpiderMan.jpg
Image:0070-CWCsSpiderManCardBa.jpg|(DVD Slideshow)
</gallery>
* December 29 - [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|An article]] in the Richmond Times-Dispatch discusses Chris, his name change, and the Sonic contest.<ref>[http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/timesdispatch/access/615847621.html?dids=615847621:615847621&FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&type=current&date=Dec+29,+1993&author=Barbara+Green&pub=Richmond+Times+-+Dispatch&desc=IT+TOOK+A+TALKING+BEAR+TO+GIVE+THE+NAME+A+YOUNG+BOY+LOVES&pqatl=google It took a talking bear to give a young boy loves], Barbara Green - Richmond Times</ref>

==1994==
In '''1994''', Chris pestered his parents into letting him change his name. He also won the Sonic contest.

===Events of 1994===
* Winter - Christopher [[Christopher's name change|changes his name]] to Christian.
* February 24 - Christian's 12th birthday.
* February 26 - Christian wins the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
**'''Sonichu canon''' - the Pichu who would become [[Sonichu]] evolves into Pikachu.
**First anniversary of the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center bombing]] that killed 6 people and injured over 1,000 more. Chris, being the stupid, insensitive bastard he is, [[Chris and reality|doesn't notice let alone know of the bombing that occurred the year before]].
* May 9 - The Case of Bob Chandler vs Greene County School Board is dismissed.<ref>From [http://208.210.219.132/stars/select.jsp Court of Appeals of Virginia Case Information]</ref>
* August/September - Christian enters the seventh grade at Providence Middle School.

==1995==
In '''1995''', Chris entered eighth grade at Providence Middle School.

===Events of 1995===
* February 24 - Christian's 13th birthday.
* August/September - Christian enters the eighth grade at Providence Middle School.
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments and into the [[Surrywood Subdivision]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

==1996==
'''1996''' was a rather stressful year for Chris's parents. The neighbors of their new house in [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]] started spreading rumors about the Chandler family. This was rather hard for Bob and Barbara to bear. Christian himself didn't seem to mind the trouble too much, and started attending [[Manchester High School]].

===Events of 1996===
* February 24 - Christian's 14th birthday.
* Early - Barbara retires from Secretarial Services at [[Virginia (state)|Virginia]] Power.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* Late Spring - Christian graduates from Providence Middle School on [[honor roll]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of the Surrywood Subdivision, and starts living in the [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]]. According to Chris, some of the neighbors spread rumors about his family.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* September 1 - Christian begins his freshman year at [[Manchester High School]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Autumn - Chris becomes a water boy for the varsity basketball team.
* November 13 - During basketball practice, Chris thinks up [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

==1997==
In '''1997''', Chris is still studying happily at Manchester High School. He now also manages the school basketball team.

===Events of 1997===
* This year - Chris is rejected by [[Laura Dorazio]].
* February 24 - Christian's 15th birthday.
* June - Christian allegedly had a prophetic dream about Sonic the Hedgehog appearing on Game Boy.<ref>Claimed by Chris in his PowerPoint: [http://www.mediafire.com/?xe03yxe1zyp]</ref>
* August/September - Christian begins his sophomore year at Manchester High School.

==1998==
In '''1998''', Chris received an [[Honor roll|F]] in English class. This would hurt him severely, forcing him to create the [[Song of Christian]] in retribution. He also discovers [[masturbation]].

===Events of 1998===
* This year - Chris discovers masturbation <ref>[[Mass debating]]</ref>
* February 24 - Christian's 16th birthday.
* March - Chris starts volunteering as an assistant Gym Leader at [[Books-A-Million]].
* May 15 - [[Song of Christian]] released.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* June - '''Sonichu canon''' - a Pikachu collides into Super Sonic to become Sonichu.
* June 4 - Christian makes his [[Chris's DVD#Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera|Lego Raceway Animation]].<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* July 4 - '''Sonichu canon''' - Sonichu and Rosechu share their first kiss.
* August/September - Christian begins his junior year at Manchester High School.
* September 4 - Chris records a [[KCWC]] tape. [[Barbara]] "calls in" saying that she wants to request a song for Bob's 71st birthday, humoring him like he's six years old, when in reality, he was sixteen.
* November - '''Sonichu canon''' - Sonichu and Rosechu move to their house in Brunchville Lane in [[CWCville]], all paid by [[Monthly tugboat|government money]].

==1999==
In '''1999''', the [[Pokémon]] franchise became huge. During this time, Chris started making Pokémon-themed sites, and even got into the [[Chris's DVD#Chris Chan in the Pok'eNews|PokéNews]]. According to [[Lucas]], Chris started attending the [[Game Place]] round about this year.

===Events of 1999===
* January 24 - Chris evidently completes a drawing, "[[Bionic]] Over Autism." This drawing would later be included in [[Sonichu 5]].
* February 24 - Christian's 17th birthday. This is also the day when Espanolic, one of Chris's more racist creations, was born.
* April 25 - The domain for [[CWC's Pokésite 1]] in the pokemon community is reserved, by someone going by the name Starplayer, for use by Chris.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/19990902144020/http://pokemon.acmecity.com/james/190/</ref>
* July 3 - Christian launches CWC's Pokésite 1.<ref>Based upon the oldest posts in his guestbook (two congratulations by Christian's parents).</ref> Afterwards, he excitedly runs to his parents and demands that they sign the guestbook.
* July 22 - Christian launches [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].
* July 29 - A friend signs Chris's guestbook and tells him that she hopes he continues learning HTML.
* August/September - Christian begins his senior year at Manchester High School.
* September 22 - Christian writes his own myth - "[[How the Pokemon came into Our Poke Balls]]". According to Chris, his English teacher thought it was great.<ref>See: [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/cwcspokesite2/intrstry.htm]</ref>
* September 30 - A friend, Mrs. Johnson, signs Chris's guestbook and says that she knows of "others" that would like his website and she will pass it on to them.
* October 13 - Christian launches the news section on his [[CWC's Pokésite 2|new Pokémon site]].<ref>See: [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/cwcspokesite2/goldpoke.htm]</ref>
* October 16 - Christian is featured in [[Chris's DVD#Chris Chan in the Pok'eNews|PokéNews]], dressed up as Ash.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* October 30 - Christian publishes "How the Pokemon came into Our Poke Balls" on his [[CWC's Pokésite 2|Pokémon site]].<ref>See: [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/cwcspokesite2/intrstry.htm]</ref>

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Sonichu 10

2010-03-07T07:45:25Z

Parapluie: /* Background */ Death of Simonla

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]]. The final pages were uploaded on 24 [[February 2010]], also [[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Death of Simonla===
During the production of Sonichu 10, Chris was also deeply embroiled in a feud with the forces behind the [[Asperpedia]]. More specifically, [[Evan]] was putting pressure on Chris to kill or otherwise remove from the comics [[Simonla Rosechu]], whose creation had been based on Evan's original Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, Simonchu. Chris refused and actually retconned Simonla's entry on the [[CWCipedia]] to state that Simonla was his own original creation, and he had not based her on Simonchu. Shortly after these changes were made, [[9 February 2010|the CWCipedia went offline]], replaced by a notice from Evan's lawyers.

In order to recover the CWCipedia, Chris posted a two-page spread in which Chris apologizes for his trespasses against the Asperpedia team, and Simonla is killed by an exploding toilet. When he arrived at Simonla's death in the actual comic, however, he spread the events of Simonla's death over many pages, and introduced a new character: [[Sandy Rosechu]], her daughter with [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]]. Furthermore, the Asperpedia team are depicted as Simonla's murderers, and after a kangaroo court, are bloodily executed, with Sandy and Wild teaming up to maim and then murder Evan. Team Asperpedia was understandably upset with this development, and have since coerced Chris into the third of his seemingly endless rewrites of the end of Sonichu 10.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not-so-subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

[[File:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|thumb|If Chris had the talent, he would've drawn this.]]

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simonchu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (who seems to be based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey]] [[Pokemon|Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD |breaks Mao]] with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, [[Chris and Hypocrisy|despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.]]

Although the battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] was the culmination of years of comics by Chris coming to a head, it is given far less time and importance than the trial and execution by the Asperpedia crew. Similarly, Crystal's rescue from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] is done in about a page and a half, with no dialogue and no indication that it is in any way significant to the plot.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 February 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that were slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) admits that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems, and begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags while she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. Simonla has just enough time to tearfully hand Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of her murderer, and Wild declares revenge.

The preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed Simonla. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]]. On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his [[Twitter]] account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make peace with Alec and company - probably in the hope that doing so will result in Jack removing his dreadfully pornographic ads.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sandy Rosechu

2010-03-02T18:21:16Z

Parapluie: /* Sauces */

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]

{{quote|Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|Sandy, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the daughter of [[Simonla Rosechu]], with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

In [[February 2010]] Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [[:File:SchuComic11P81.jpg|death page]] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. It should be noted that Wild and Simonla were, as far as we know, never married, so Sandy is a bastard child. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg ruminating about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a [[rosechu (species)|rosechu]] in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, going as far as to mutilate Evan's genitals, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together. If this wasn't fucked up enough, consider that Evan is technically, by the standards of the [[Chris and Reality|CWCiverse]], Sandy's grandfather.

===Prime taradox?===
[[Image:Lisa.jpg|thumb|A super intelligent girl with spiked hair?]]

[[Magi-chan]] clearly states that Evan and his murderous kin will be tried [[Chris and the law|and executed]] within the week. This accompanies a drawing of Sandy's obligatory [[rosey]] form, stating her age, bizarrely, as >1 years old. Plausible, if not logical. Then, Chris later depicts the evolved Sandy, at and age of <1 years old. Rationally, the executions would've been held months ago. Yet somehow, this evolved form is able to participate in the of the slaughter [[Asperpedia]] crew, leading to a few possibilities:

*The executions were postponed until Sandy was old enough to [[Chris and death|kill.]]
*There were several appeals made by Sean, probably regarding [[Tobacky|pot stickers]].
*Chris is retarded.

==Outside the comics==
{{quote|Sandy is pretty awesome, and not Simonla.|Evan's response to Sandy, on his DeviantART account}}

{{quote|She kind of looks exactly like Simonla, but with like Lisa Simpson hair.| Alec's response to Sandy, [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|9th Phonecall with Chris]]}}

Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD! Chris even goes into detail that Sandy is basically filling every single role Simonla did, becoming a construction worker, hanging out with [[Zapina]] and basically every single thing Simonla has ever been seen doing (which, fortunately, was very little).

Only time will tell if Sandy's existence leads to [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_Closed_.28Again.29_Due_To_Theft|another lawsuit]]. Which is obviously going to happen, 110%.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will never be heard from again, but if she becomes a recurrent character, Chris will find a way to pair her up with a sonee or a [[pedofork|sonichu]]. With Chris' recent announcement that he will be redrawing the end of Sonichu 10 yet again, her future remains up in the air.<ref>[[Twitter]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

{{stub}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Sandy Rosechu

2010-03-02T18:21:05Z

Parapluie: /* Future */

Sandy Rosechu

2010-03-02T18:20:33Z

Parapluie: /* Future */

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]

{{quote|Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|Sandy, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the daughter of [[Simonla Rosechu]], with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

In [[February 2010]] Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [[:File:SchuComic11P81.jpg|death page]] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. It should be noted that Wild and Simonla were, as far as we know, never married, so Sandy is a bastard child. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg ruminating about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a [[rosechu (species)|rosechu]] in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, going as far as to mutilate Evan's genitals, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together. If this wasn't fucked up enough, consider that Evan is technically, by the standards of the [[Chris and Reality|CWCiverse]], Sandy's grandfather.

===Prime taradox?===
[[Image:Lisa.jpg|thumb|A super intelligent girl with spiked hair?]]

[[Magi-chan]] clearly states that Evan and his murderous kin will be tried [[Chris and the law|and executed]] within the week. This accompanies a drawing of Sandy's obligatory [[rosey]] form, stating her age, bizarrely, as >1 years old. Plausible, if not logical. Then, Chris later depicts the evolved Sandy, at and age of <1 years old. Rationally, the executions would've been held months ago. Yet somehow, this evolved form is able to participate in the of the slaughter [[Asperpedia]] crew, leading to a few possibilities:

*The executions were postponed until Sandy was old enough to [[Chris and death|kill.]]
*There were several appeals made by Sean, probably regarding [[Tobacky|pot stickers]].
*Chris is retarded.

==Outside the comics==
{{quote|Sandy is pretty awesome, and not Simonla.|Evan's response to Sandy, on his DeviantART account}}

{{quote|She kind of looks exactly like Simonla, but with like Lisa Simpson hair.| Alec's response to Sandy, [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|9th Phonecall with Chris]]}}

Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD! Chris even goes into detail that Sandy is basically filling every single role Simonla did, becoming a construction worker, hanging out with [[Zapina]] and basically every single thing Simonla has ever been seen doing (which, fortunately, was very little).

Only time will tell if Sandy's existence leads to [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_Closed_.28Again.29_Due_To_Theft|another lawsuit]]. Which is obviously going to happen, 110%.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will never be heard from again, but if she becomes a recurrent character, Chris will find a way to pair her up with a sonee or a [[pedofork|sonichu]]. With Chris' recent announcement that he will be redrawing the end of Sonichu 10 yet again, her future remains up in the air.<ref>[[Twitter]]</ref>

{{Sonichu}}

{{stub}}
[[Category:Characters]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

Sandy Rosechu

2010-03-02T18:19:13Z

Parapluie: /* Future */

Sonichu 10

2010-03-02T18:16:52Z

Parapluie: /* Simonla's Death */ typo

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]]. The final pages were uploaded on 24 [[February 2010]], also [[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not-so-subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

[[File:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|thumb|If Chris had the talent, he would've drawn this.]]

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (who seems to be based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey]] [[Pokemon|Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD |breaks Mao]] with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that is slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, it shows Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) reveal that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems and he begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags as she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. They find Simonla and she isn't doing well. She hands Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of where her murderer is and Wild declares revenge.

The two pages in the preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed her. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]]. On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his [[Twitter]] account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make peace with Alec and company.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 10

2010-03-02T18:15:19Z

Parapluie: /* Simonla's Death */

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]]. The final pages were uploaded on 24 [[February 2010]], also [[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not-so-subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

[[File:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|thumb|If Chris had the talent, he would've drawn this.]]

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (who seems to be based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey]] [[Pokemon|Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD |breaks Mao]] with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that is slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, it shows Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) reveal that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems and he begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags as she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. They find Simonla and she isn't doing well. She hands Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of where her murderer is and Wild declares revenge.

The two pages in the preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed her. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]]. On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his [[Twitter]] account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make piece with Alec and company.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Simonla Rosechu

2010-03-02T16:31:12Z

Parapluie: /* Death */ added reference

Once upon a time, '''Simonla Rosechu''' (aka '''Simonla''', pronounced sih-MOAN-luh) was an orange [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]] who could turn her arms into drills and dig underground. She also had a drill at the end of her tail. Then her guts were shredded by a tragic toilet explosion.

Originally a [[troll|fan]] character submitted by [[Evan]] named '''Simonchu''', [[Chris]] instead added breasts and a [[china]] and turned it into Simonla so he'd have something to [[mass debating|masturbate]] to.

==Background==
Evan told Chris he got his drills from being raised by Beedrill, though any bona fide weeaboo knows the drills and the name come from Simon the Driller, from ''[[Wikipedia:Gurren Lagann|Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]]''. Interestingly, in his [[Apologies to Alec and Evan]] video, Chris pronounces Simonchu as ''Sigh-Mon-Chu'' and not ''See-moan-chu'', meaning that:

*Chris has never seen Gurren Lagann before, much to the relief of many fans and
*Simonla's pronunciation would be ''Sigh-mon-lah''.

This is reinforced by other inconsistencies with the character, including mistaking Simonchu's cape for a shell on Simonla and that the Core Drill Bit was a shark's tooth necklace.

Her actual character biography is basically non-existent. While the members of the [[Chaotic Combo]] all have their own retarded little backstories to explain where they came from and what they're doing together, Simonla just shows up one day, ready to strip naked and present backdrops. Where she's been and why she never helped with all the crazy shit that happens in [[CWCville]] is never addressed. At all.

[[Evan]] eventually clears it up in his Simonchu comic: Simonla is a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|female clone]] of Simonchu, sent back in time to befriend the other Electric Hedgehogs so that Chris can prove [[Wild]] is STRAIGHT to the trolls in order to cover up [[Asperchu|Alec's SLANDEROUS portrayals]]. This explains, somewhat, Chris's constant references to Simonla and Simonchu being siblings, though it may be more accurate to consider Simonla a daughter to Simonchu. [[lie|Chris is sure to integrate this creative and interesting plot twist into his own comic immediately]], [[Mitch Sonichu|just as he expects other people to change their comics to match his ideas]].

==Simonla the [[Pedofork]]==
In the Dating Education episode, we see Simonla outside Cwcville U talking to [[Zapina]], the 14-year-old girl who wants to strip despite those "dumb child protection Laws" Chris and the Sonichu gang hate so much. Zapina refers to Simonla as "her best friend," which is creepy enough, before Simonla instructs her to get a "16-year-old boy".

One can only wonder why she would do such a thing, when any woman in her right mind would tell her to focus on her studies and hang out with friends her own age before worrying about boys, especially one two years older when she's clearly underage!

==Development==
[[Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png|thumb|Before...]]
On 26 August 2008, Evan posted on his [[DeviantArt]] account:<ref>http://evang-y.deviantart.com/art/Simonchu-96132351</ref>

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
My Sonichu fancharacter.

Simonchu
Age: 14
Ground/Electric

Simonchu was originally a Pikachu, raised by a swarm of Beedrill. However, when Perfect Chaos attacked Station Square, the Pikachu and Beedrills watched from a nearby forest. In the middle of the battle a flash of pure Chaos energy was released, killing all the Beedrills. The Pikachu, however, was able to absorb the Chaos energy and use it to evolve. Depressed due to his parents' demise, Simonchu took his parents' drills and dug deep underground, leaving no one in CWCville to know of this unique Sonichu and his awesome powers.

until today...

...
[[Image:Simonla.jpg|thumb|...and after. Chris has the reverse Midas touch - everything he touches turns to shit.]]

Now I really must send it to him and hope he includes Simonchu in another issue. He is JUST bad enough to fit into Sonichu. </div>

Three months later, Chris did use the character, as he had wanted to create a ground-type Sonichu or Rosechu character. He could have used Simonchu, as he had Evan's permission to, but, feeling that he had enough Sonichu characters (or, more likely, needing material to [[mass debating|mass debate]] to), he decided to turn Simonchu into Simonla (playing off Simone, the feminine form of Simon), because to Chris, tits = better. Chris-chan also misinterpreted the cloak Simonchu wore as some sort of shell, judging by Simonla's line, "My shell is removable!"

Chris has claimed on Simonla's CWCipedia page that in Episode 20 he will introduce Simonchu as a ground (and only ground) type. [[Lie|He never showed up.]]

===Forced Romance===

{{Quote|plus pairing Simonla with Wild as a couple; that GIVES multiple meanings to the phrase "Opposites Attract."|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Why no Tails?|completely failing to explain anything]].}}

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], Simonla attends the [[Dating education|dating classes]] and is eventually paired up with Wild Sonichu. Chris-chan had previously revealed this to Evan in the ancient Sonichu IRC chatroom{{cite}}, but it ended up creating one of the most horrific pages in Sonichu history.

===Evan's Response===

In late [[December 2009]], [[Evan]] [[Mailbag 22#Evan: back with a vengeance|e-mailed Chris]], accusing him of lying about the resolution Chris claimed to have worked out with him. Chris [[Rejected Mailbag#Let Me Get Back To You On That|ignored]] this e-mail.

Four mailbags later, Evan [[Mailbag 26#It isn't theft if Chris dumps a boyfriend on them|once again]] petitioned Chris, this time saying Chris was stealing his character. Evan politely asked Chris to kill Simonla in the comic, yet Chris responded by saying that he could not write out Simonla, as she was [[Wild]]'s girlfriend, and that he shouldn't be a monster for wanting to do so.

Evan [[Mailbag 35|tried again]], tired of it all, where Chris pointedly refused once more. Disillusioned with Chris, Evan allowed [[Asperchu|the creator of ''Asperchu'', Alec Benson Leary]], to feature Simonchu as one of Sonichu's friends. Whilst Simonchu is portrayed as a homosexual in the comic, [[Mailbag 40#Simonchu_swings_both_ways|Evan confirmed in an e-mail to Chris that Simonchu is bisexual]], and that Alec treated the character with far more respect than changing his gender without permission. Chris still persists with his refusal, on the grounds that depriving Wild of his girlfriend would be awful.

Evan would ask Chris to remove Simonla once again in [[Mailbag 43]]. Chris responded with one of his most bizarre and megalomanical statements yet, explaining that Simonla "didn't want" to leave CWCville, and that Evan himself "moves on" under the influence of [[Chris and his ego|Chris's Directorial Powers.]] Chris would later claim that Simonla should be considered an original character, since Chris could have, theoretically, come up with the concept on his own, with the fact that he actually based her on Simonchu's design more or less a coincidence:

{{quote|...IF I start with a Normal Rosechu, give her ground and dirt for skin, add some Drills, Natural Second Transparent Eyelids, an Armadillo Shell with a Drill Spot for a Marking on the front, and Construction Shoes, DOES NOT MEAN AT ALL of YOUR story of "Re-Modifying Simonchu with a Vagina"; THE TWO ARE SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS, so do us all a favor and QUIT B****ING AND STRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN PREMATURE DEATH.|Chris, [[Mailbag 44]].}}

TL;DR Pointless, throwaway relationships = Rights to use a fan character, in Chris's mind.

===Chris denies reality===
[[Image:Fkinglie.png|thumb|Evan's response.]]
After all this back-and-forth in the [[Mailbag]] over what to do with Simonla, on 02 February 2010 Chris added the following note to his profile of the character on the [[CWCipedia]]:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
I had previously stated inspiration from Evan George's Simonchu Character; that was a fabrication, and I apologize for leaving the lie up for this whole time.

Simonchu was Never an Inspiration, or had Anything to do with Simonla Rosechu's creation whatsoever.

Thank you for being patient while I had thought further on Simonla's Background Story.</div>

This fooled absolutely no one. Evan and his fellows responded with a barrage of new advertisements at the top of every CWCipedia page, pointing out Chris's obvious lie.

Using those advertisements as a wedge, the Asperpedia creators hoped to eventually force Chris to do away with Simonla. As chronicled in [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Calls|Alec Benson Leary's phone calls with Chris]], this proved to be an uphill battle. Over the course of late January and into early February 2010, Chris continued to insist that Simonla had to remain a part of his comic.

Chris relented somewhat as the ads on the CWCipedia grew more and more offensive. On [[I am Alive|February 6th 2010]], he posted a video where he conceded defeat of a kind, promising to kill Simonla and remove her entry in the CWCipedia at some time in the indefinite future. This wasn't good enough for Evan, who exerted legal pressure to have the CWCipedia locked to edits.

On 8 February 2010, in his [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_7|final phone conversation with Alec]], Chris claimed that he had given in, drawn the pages of Simonla's death, and had them ready for uploading. However, either he never bothered to follow through on that promise or he simply never go the chance. Early on 9 February 2010, all the CWCipedia's content was deleted from its server space.

==Death==
[[Image:WildCADbortion2.jpg|thumb|How it happened.]]
On 9 February 2010, responding to the deletion of the CWCipedia, Chris admitted that his promise to get rid of Simonla was made under duress:

{{Quote|And I never wanted to kill Simonla! But I was practically back-BLACK mailed by that god damned by that god damned Evan...|Chris, [[9_February_2010|9 February 2010]]}}

Belatedly, however, he finally made good. On 13 Feburary 2010, Evan released two pages he received from Chris, where Chris makes a rote apology (dwelling for some strange reason on the topic of hamster rape) and Simonla is killed for good. In the pages, it is shown that Simonla is killed ''by a toilet bomb in the ladies' bathroom'' during a date at the movies with Wild. After being <s>injured worse</s> treated by [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s> Doctor]], who has apparently quit working for Team Rocket in favor of emergency medicine, Simonla passes on. Wild mourns for exactly ONE PANEL before Magi-Chan deus-ex-machinas where her killers are and he takes off on a mission of revenge. Simonla is injured offscreen and dies offscreen, exactly the opposite of what [[Alec]] [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|requested]].

In what may or may not be a coincidence, Simonla succumbs to "her internal injury," the same fate that felled a number of Chris's [[Officer Nasty]] dolls.

Some days later, Chris released a revised version of Simonla's death, in which the drama takes place over several pages and Simonla is revealed to have shat out an egg, which is in the care of [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] when Simonla goes asplodey. A time jump occurs and the egg hatches into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Issue 10 culminates in the father-daughter team of Wild and Sandy cooperating to execute [[Evan]] in spectacular and gory fashion, thereby going against Chris's long-held assertion that [[List of Chris's lies|he would never stoop to Alec's level and include gratuitous gore in his comic]].<ref>[[Twitter]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:SimonlaThePedofork.jpg|Chris subtly lets slip his pedofork tendencies through Simonla
Image:SchuComic10P20.jpg|this is God punishing Evan for sending him those e-mails.
Image:Simonlaemailqf7.png|The e-mail confirming Simonla's appearance.
Image:SimonlaOriginalDesign.jpg|Chris's original design of Simonla.
Image:Email from chris.png|Chris gives Evan his page(s)...
Image:SchuComic11P80.jpg|and starts with a wall of [[Lies|text]]
Image:SchuComic11P81.jpg|Chris kills off Simonla by having a toilet bomb blow up her [[china]].
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg|Alec Benson Leary offers his own take on Simonla's demise.
Image:WildCADbortion1.jpg
Image:WildCADbortion2.jpg
Image:WildCADbortion3.jpg
Image:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|Voltorb uses self destruct

</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}

*[[Evan]]
*The TRUE, HONEST and PICKLE-HAVING Advenures of Simonchu and Niachu: [http://simonchucomics.deviantart.com/]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]][[Category:Dead]]

Crackder

2010-02-28T15:29:47Z

Parapluie: linked decepticlone

[[Image:CrackderVehicle.jpg|thumb|left|This jet looks confusing.]][[Image:CrackderBot.jpg|thumb|Crackder is mad because Chris is a douche.]]A [[Transformers|"Change-Bot"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 4|issue 4]] of Sonichu. A jet-style Transformer not unlike the Seekers, i.e. the many repaints of [[Wikipedia:Starscream|Starscream]]. While similar to StarScream, Chris actually ripped of Crackder from the Transformers:Cybertron series version of Thundercracker. Formerly an off-brand generic Transformer, like a [[Wikipedia:Gobots|Gobot]], Crackder has since been upgraded to be a [[Decepti-Clone]], and thus an actual Transformer, again like the Gobots.

His name is a portmanteau of the Decepticons Thundercracker and...um...Thundercracker.

{{quote|JETS Loud and Fast like lightning, the Crackder Bots are equipped with Missiles in Vehicle Mode and a Cannon in Robot Mode. They Fly through air; they are the quickest of the Trio of Mary's Decepti-Clones, and most deadly and cunning.|Crackder is not even allowed to be a single individual.[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Crackder]}}

==Gallery of Plagiarism==
<gallery>
Image:CrackderISthundercracker.jpg|Cracker = Cybertron Thundercracker
Image:Crackder-mugshot.jpg
Image:Crackder-back.jpg|Plagerism from ANY ANGLE
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Prower]]
*[[Son-Chu]]

{{Template:Stub}}

{{CWCipedia}}

[[Category:Transformers]]

Bob Chandler

2010-02-27T15:56:55Z

Parapluie: Republican Bob

: ''"'''Bob'''" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack}}

[[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|thumb|Bob is old. He makes sure to let you know that.]]
[[Image:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|"Internet Lumberjack"]]

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (04 [[Wikipedia:1927#September|September 1927]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–soon) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father.

Despite being a racist and homophobic redneck, '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 27 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|Bob is a pretty "old fashioned" type of guy.]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.<ref name="About" /> A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had English ancestry.]]

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to all the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with [[Bob]] for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

===Chris===
[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his autistic ass for 27 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of his autistic ass, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.'''<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob talked to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[Church audio|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion that shows some self-awareness in the fact that the Chandlers do, in fact, realize the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video alone sets off an influx of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, in the hopes of confirming Bob's fear of eviction.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
</gallery>
</center>
===Fan art===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Bob Chandler by spoonorca.png
Image:Gospel Robert Chandler.jpg|The Gospel of Bob
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Chris and race

2010-02-27T15:51:01Z

Parapluie: /* Asians */ in real life dealings...

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris said he liked this pic.]]
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian.
Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same, and expresses dislike for the Chinese, as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. Later, he backpedaled and says he has no problem with the Chinese while being interrogated in [[Mumble 9]].

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Middle Eastern==
It is also worth noting on Chris's former (now defunct) blog he has stated that he thinks all Middle Eastern people (or anyone that is Islamic) are terrorists. When confronted about this from an Iranian troll, Chris said that he does not "think Middle Eastern people are terrorists however if they hang out with other Middle Eastern people they will then be considered terrorists," thus giving more insight to Chris's back-assward and racist reasoning caused by his autism.

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}

In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create a similar Pokémon named Ludicolo.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|Chris is a '''wiggo'''.]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris' perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
*[[Barack Obama]] (very black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [will turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)

==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Sonichu 10

2010-02-26T06:21:12Z

Parapluie: /* Forgiveness...? */ Kelly to Kellie

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Bogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not=so=subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris putts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAR===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis, he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''breaks Mao with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that is slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, it shows Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) reveal that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems and he begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags as she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. They find Simonla and she isn't doing well. She hands Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of where her murderer is and Wild declares revenge.

The two pages in the preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed her. It is yet unknown how the four will react to the end result.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 10

2010-02-26T06:20:43Z

Parapluie: /* The Final Countdown */ Sean to Alec

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Bogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not=so=subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris putts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAR===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis, he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kelly''' and finally Chris '''breaks Mao with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that is slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, it shows Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) reveal that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems and he begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags as she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. They find Simonla and she isn't doing well. She hands Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of where her murderer is and Wild declares revenge.

The two pages in the preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed her. It is yet unknown how the four will react to the end result.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2010-02-26T01:52:35Z

Parapluie: /* Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu */ Sonichu 10

[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|left|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[Cwcipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as the fans do.]]
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|Mary as we know and [[Mass debating|love her]]]]

{{quote|You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way. [Fu fu fu!]|Mary Lee Walsh, quoted by Chris.}}

Lovingly referred to as a "bitch", "witch", "old hag", etc., '''Mary Lee Walsh''' (later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] as '''Slaweel Ryam''') was a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[love quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]].

Mary Lee Walsh is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who saw through Chris's [[autistic]] bullshit and tried to make him act like a normal human being. The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in Sonichu fiction.

All hail the Dean!

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance ([http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html srsly]). In the past, [[Chris]] had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his "[[Sonichu's News Dash]]" newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was let back in.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref>

===Soul-crusher===
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|left|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

{{quote|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of, I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]], NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank God for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.|Chris being butthurt}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over to get his dad to teach him how to shave)? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces, Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable images uploaded onto my CWC's Sonichu Site!; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Coping mechanisms==
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].

===Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''===
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}
 
[[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]

In the comic, Walsh is Chris's arch nemesis, a sinister witch with typical demonic attributes who flies around on a broom, bent on thwarting his love quest. She works alongside [[Count Graduon]], sharing the same theme as a villain derived from Chris's failures in community college. She always wears a yellow Viking helmet with red horns.

Mary Lee Walsh appears in ''Sonichu'' issues #0, #2, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9 and #10.

*In [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]], Mary Lee Walsh is is introduced as a "two-bit villain" and there is a short, 2 page short of Mary Lee Walsh fighting [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].

*In [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]], Chris breaks into Mary Lee Walsh house, fights her as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and defeats her with Sonichu (editors note: I secretly wish this is another distorted version of actual events).

*The events in [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]] are a continuation of the short story in Sonichu #0. Mary Lee Walsh sends Jerkop Daitenzen [[Bagget]] to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Mary also makes a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack part 2"|Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack part 2"]], where she gets bonked by [[W-M-Manajerk]]'s head.

*[[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]] depicts an epic battle between Mary Lee Walsh's Jerkop army in a standoff with the CWCville police. Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon use the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] against Chris and accidentally trap Chris's imaginary sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] inside it.

*In [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]], [[Sailor Megtune]], [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] steal the Dark Mirror Hole from Mary Lee Walsh. Chris vowes to collect all the [[Sonichu Balls]] to release Crystal, and then promptly forgets about it.

*In [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], Chris has some bullshit reason to use time travel as a plot device. While Chris is away, Mary Lee Walsh plans to launch an attack against [[CWCville]], however, Chris never continued the story as we know it, and left this arc completely hanging.

*Mary Lee Walsh gets a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]] where fan art of her appeared on the computer screen of a [[4-cent garbage.com]] employee on the 8th floor.

* In [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Mary Lee Walsh engages in an epic non-fight with the heroes, culminating in an aerial non-combat with Sonichu. In spite of earlier rumors to the contrary, Sonichu fails to defeat Mary Lee Walsh once and for all, because that honor has been reserved solely for the Time Void-stranded intrusive creator of the comic. Sonichu is not worthy of doing that because he's ''only'' the title character of the comic.

*Finally, in [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]], Chris appears to wrap up Mary's role in the main storyline. He frees all of her [[jerkop|jerkops]] and [[manajerk|manajerks]] from their hypnosis, and fights her in a largely anti-climactic battle which ends with her paralyzed and incarcerated in a maximum security prison.

Chris has also drawn a Rule 34 art of her.

===Renaming and retcons===
As a result of the [[Miyamoto saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed; in a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of "Hslaweel Yram", which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw the card.

In August [[2009]], Chris put up a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the 'evil' Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel [[Fail|hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place]]. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a [[Fail|cohesive plot]].}}

===Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''===
It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to Youtube, Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the game ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. [[Fail|It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.]]

<center>{{#ev:youtube|rgEQINfsJSM}}</center>

 

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

In a recent [[CWCipedia]] entry, Chris has reexamined Mary's value to society and distinguished her from the primary villain in his comic book. According to Chris there is the evil Mary Lee Walsh we all know and admire, and the Mary Lee Walsh that replaced her sometime in [[2000]].

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys</ref>}}

He then goes into a long diatribe, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole article carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a <s>not ridiculously evil caricature</s> [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure.

Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds", even though Chris himself was entirely at fault. According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.

Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
Interestingly, Mary Lee Walsh in troll productions often appears as a beautiful lady with blonde hair and devil horns (and tail); this is mostly because Chris's art was so bad that his original intent for her to wear a viking helmet looked more like blonde hair. This is also due to the very great difference between Chris and the trolls' opinions about Walsh, the latter obviously preferring a much more flattering design.

[[Sonichu: The Animated Series]] posits that she has an extremely deep voice (similar to Dr. Girlfriend from ''The Venture Bros.''), but other than that she's still drawn with the extremely sensualized proportions seen in other troll artwork.

{{collapsible
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery>
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale cover by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:Sonichu Comic Strip 1 b-E18.png
File:Maryleewalsh.jpg
File:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
File:126473378631.JPG
File:12670593995.JPG
File:126705944666.jpg
</gallery>}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu]]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Kel

2010-02-25T17:06:34Z

Parapluie: /* In the Comic */ typo

[[Image:Kel.jpg|right|thumb||Kel, we hardly knew ye.]]
'''Kel''' (full name '''Kellie Felix'''<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu</ref>) is [[Rosechu]]'s original trainer. Kel was only seen in [[Issue 0]], but she was briefly mentioned by Rosechu in [[Sonichu 7]].
If you have any information pertaining to her current status and location, please contact your local [[Jerkops|police department]]. It is believed that she is loosely based off Chris's IRL gal-pal [[Kellie Andes]]. This is furthered by a short update to the CWCipedia where he calls her "Kellie" instead of Kel.

Of note, she is the closest Chris has gotten to an original creation in the Sonichu canon. Although likely inspired by Kellie Andes, she does not resemble her physically or in personality.

==Backstory==

According to the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu Rosechu biography page] on the [[CWCipedia]], Kel gotten the Pichu who would become Rosechu from [[Cole Smithy|Professor Cole]] due to her being the last one there. This is a ripoff of the first meeting between Pokemon anime protagonist Ash Ketchum and his 1st Pokemon Pikachu. Unlike Ash and Pikachu, Kel and Pichu hit it off quite nicely.

Her initial Pokemon catches include a Dratini, Ponyta, Lapras, Chansey and Geodude. It is said that Pichu evolved into Pikachu and she used a Thudnerstone to turn it into a Raichu. She was taking a break in her cottage on the day [[Sonichu 0|the Raichu became Rosechu]]. She tried to tell Professor Oak, but he suggested telling Cole, but he was on vacation.

When Rosechu met Sonichu, Kel took both of them to Professor Cole to examine them. After doing so, she also met Chris and battled him in a Pokemon Gym Battle, defeating him as well(!!). When Rosechu wanted to stay with Sonichu, Kel relented and allowed her to stay.

Kel would resume her travels, using a Manectric to replace Rosechu, but it is said that she still calls for Rosechu when need be. Her [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:KelHallOfFame.jpg Pokémon Championship Hall of Fame picture], awarded at the as-of-yet-untold-of end of her quest, shows Rosechu instead of Manectric.

==In the Comic==
As stated in issue 0 Kel is Rosechu's caring [[Pokémon]] trainer. Not much else about her is known.

Kel is one of the only trainers in the comic, the other being [[Naitsirhc]], who no longer uses his Pokémon. She owns a Dragonite and briefly a (presumably female) Raichu until the [[rainbow]] turned it into [[Rosechu]]. Rosechu then maxed out Kel's credit cards and promptly ditched her to live with [[Sonichu]]. Chris has revealed that Kel released Rosechu to be with Sonichu, and that she is currently in "Trainer's College". On [[February 2010]] Chis wrote details about Kel's roster, revealing that she owned David (Dragonite), Ashley (Rapidash), Tiffany (Lapras), Lauren (Golem), Stephanie (Blissey).

It should be noted that after the first comic, Kel was almost completely written out by Chris. This is made even more perplexing when one considers that Kel, actually having been the trainer of Rosechu while she was still a Raichu, was not given the chance to use Rosechu as her Pokémon. Chris, who had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of Sonichu and Rosechu in the comic canon, is considered Sonichu's "master" and occasionally called "father" by Sonichu.

After a prolonged nine issue absence, Kel reappears (not having taken the time to change clothes) in [[Sonichu 10]] as part of the three-person firing squad that executes Sean, along with [[Bill the Scientist]] and [[Allison Amber]]. Caring indeed.

===Kel and her men===

Besides Rosechu, Kel was also the owner of [[David the Dragonite|David]], a [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]]. She once tried to offer him to a sad Rosechu to fuck, but when the latter told Kel to fuck David herself, the Pokémon trainer enigmatically replied that "she can't say she didn't try". It's worth noting that David is described as "loyal" and being "[[Duck|too big]]" for Rosechu.

Chris on [[CWCipedia]] elaborated on the fate of Kel, including revealing a short lived romance with [[Naitsirhc]]:<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc</ref>

{{quote|Their first Villainous Encounter was the first Confrontation with Naitsirhc in Episode 3. Naitsirch was young; he was 14-Years Old on that Shopping Day August 8th, 1998. They fought numerously in and around Cwcville. Naitsirch was a healthy straight boy; after a few battles with Kel, Rosechu's Trainer, as an eye-witness sometimes, she started to fall in love with Naitsirhc. After Rosechu and Sonichu departed from Kel's cottage on June 8, 2000. They went their seperate ways. After a number of saving-the-city moments, I offered Sonichu his own house in the suburban area of Cwcville. The date of Completed Construction on the house they still live in today, was on May 27, 2000.

Kel moved on and continued with her Pok'emon Master Journey at age 14. She spent four years from the Journey she started on to Vigorously Train her Pokemon Team: Daisy (Dragonite), Ashley (Rapidash), Tiffany (Lapras), Lauren (Golem), Stephanie (Blissey) and after Rosechu left her party, she called Professor Oak for Larry (her Alakazam) at and around her cottage and Cwcville.}}

It should be noted that this was on the CWCipedia page for Sonichu since, as a [[Women's Rights|woman]], Kel isn't important enough for her own article. Chris may have an article for his [[Son-Chu|fucking car]], but he doesn't even have one for [[Rosechu]]...

In [[Sonichu 10]], its revealed that Chris is attempting to restore [[Reldnahc]] to [[Straight|normal]] through the [[Homos|Straight Vaccine]] because, apparently, Kel misses him. Thus, we see how the manchild attempts to evade responsibility for his [[Mailbag 19#That d*** Hitler|hitleresque]] eugenics ideas, trying to make it sound as if Kel is their initiator. This also shows a bit of how Chris just can't get over women, since Reldnahc is just an [[homos|"evil"]] version of Chris, and Kel is just a "barely existant" version of [[Kellie Andes]], whom Chris was deeply infatuated with. Just like how Chris lives out his [[Lovely Weather|fantasies]] through [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]], so too does he use Reldnahc as a means for letting some version of himself be with one of the [[sweethearts|dozens of women who tolerated Chris]].

==See also:==
*[[Pokémon]]
*[[Rosechu]]
*[[Naitsirhc]]
*[[David the Dragonite]]
*[[Kellie Andes]]

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Kel

2010-02-25T15:59:42Z

Parapluie: /* In the Comic */ Sonichu 10

[[Image:Kel.jpg|right|thumb||Kel, we hardly knew ye.]]
'''Kel''' (full name '''Kellie Felix'''<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu</ref>) is [[Rosechu]]'s original trainer. Kel was only seen in [[Issue 0]], but she was briefly mentioned by Rosechu in [[Sonichu 7]].
If you have any information pertaining to her current status and location, please contact your local [[Jerkops|police department]]. It is believed that she is loosely based off Chris's IRL gal-pal [[Kellie Andes]]. This is furthered by a short update to the CWCipedia where he calls her "Kellie" instead of Kel.

Of note, she is the closest Chris has gotten to an original creation in the Sonichu canon. Although likely inspired by Kellie Andes, she does not resemble her physically or in personality.

==Backstory==

According to the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu Rosechu biography page] on the [[CWCipedia]], Kel gotten the Pichu who would become Rosechu from [[Cole Smithy|Professor Cole]] due to her being the last one there. This is a ripoff of the first meeting between Pokemon anime protagonist Ash Ketchum and his 1st Pokemon Pikachu. Unlike Ash and Pikachu, Kel and Pichu hit it off quite nicely.

Her initial Pokemon catches include a Dratini, Ponyta, Lapras, Chansey and Geodude. It is said that Pichu evolved into Pikachu and she used a Thudnerstone to turn it into a Raichu. She was taking a break in her cottage on the day [[Sonichu 0|the Raichu became Rosechu]]. She tried to tell Professor Oak, but he suggested telling Cole, but he was on vacation.

When Rosechu met Sonichu, Kel took both of them to Professor Cole to examine them. After doing so, she also met Chris and battled him in a Pokemon Gym Battle, defeating him as well(!!). When Rosechu wanted to stay with Sonichu, Kel relented and allowed her to stay.

Kel would resume her travels, using a Manectric to replace Rosechu, but it is said that she still calls for Rosechu when need be. Her [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:KelHallOfFame.jpg Pokémon Championship Hall of Fame picture], awarded at the as-of-yet-untold-of end of her quest, shows Rosechu instead of Manectric.

==In the Comic==
As stated in issue 0 Kel is Rosechu's caring [[Pokémon]] trainer. Not much else about her is known.

Kel is one of the only trainers in the comic, the other being [[Naitsirhc]], who no longer uses his Pokémon. She owns a Dragonite and briefly a (presumably female) Raichu until the [[rainbow]] turned it into [[Rosechu]]. Rosechu then maxed out Kel's credit cards and promptly ditched her to live with [[Sonichu]]. Chris has revealed that Kel released Rosechu to be with Sonichu, and that she is currently in "Trainer's College". On [[February 2010]] Chis wrote details about Kel's roster, revealing that she owned David (Dragonite), Ashley (Rapidash), Tiffany (Lapras), Lauren (Golem), Stephanie (Blissey).

It should be noted that after the first comic, Kel was almost completely written out by Chris. This is made even more perplexing when one considers that Kel, actually having been the trainer of Rosechu while she was still a Raichu, was not given the chance to use Rosechu as her Pokémon. Chris, who had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of Sonichu and Rosechu in the comic canon, is considered Sonichu's "master" and occasionally called "father" by Sonichu.

After a prolonged nine issue absence, Kel reappears (not having taken the time to change clothes) in [[Sonichu 10]] as part of one of the three-person firing squad that executes Sean, along with [[Bill the Scientist]] and [[Allison Amber]]. Caring indeed.

===Kel and her men===

Besides Rosechu, Kel was also the owner of [[David the Dragonite|David]], a [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]]. She once tried to offer him to a sad Rosechu to fuck, but when the latter told Kel to fuck David herself, the Pokémon trainer enigmatically replied that "she can't say she didn't try". It's worth noting that David is described as "loyal" and being "[[Duck|too big]]" for Rosechu.

Chris on [[CWCipedia]] elaborated on the fate of Kel, including revealing a short lived romance with [[Naitsirhc]]:<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc</ref>

{{quote|Their first Villainous Encounter was the first Confrontation with Naitsirhc in Episode 3. Naitsirch was young; he was 14-Years Old on that Shopping Day August 8th, 1998. They fought numerously in and around Cwcville. Naitsirch was a healthy straight boy; after a few battles with Kel, Rosechu's Trainer, as an eye-witness sometimes, she started to fall in love with Naitsirhc. After Rosechu and Sonichu departed from Kel's cottage on June 8, 2000. They went their seperate ways. After a number of saving-the-city moments, I offered Sonichu his own house in the suburban area of Cwcville. The date of Completed Construction on the house they still live in today, was on May 27, 2000.

Kel moved on and continued with her Pok'emon Master Journey at age 14. She spent four years from the Journey she started on to Vigorously Train her Pokemon Team: Daisy (Dragonite), Ashley (Rapidash), Tiffany (Lapras), Lauren (Golem), Stephanie (Blissey) and after Rosechu left her party, she called Professor Oak for Larry (her Alakazam) at and around her cottage and Cwcville.}}

It should be noted that this was on the CWCipedia page for Sonichu since, as a [[Women's Rights|woman]], Kel isn't important enough for her own article. Chris may have an article for his [[Son-Chu|fucking car]], but he doesn't even have one for [[Rosechu]]...

In [[Sonichu 10]], its revealed that Chris is attempting to restore [[Reldnahc]] to [[Straight|normal]] through the [[Homos|Straight Vaccine]] because, apparently, Kel misses him. Thus, we see how the manchild attempts to evade responsibility for his [[Mailbag 19#That d*** Hitler|hitleresque]] eugenics ideas, trying to make it sound as if Kel is their initiator. This also shows a bit of how Chris just can't get over women, since Reldnahc is just an [[homos|"evil"]] version of Chris, and Kel is just a "barely existant" version of [[Kellie Andes]], whom Chris was deeply infatuated with. Just like how Chris lives out his [[Lovely Weather|fantasies]] through [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]], so too does he use Reldnahc as a means for letting some version of himself be with one of the [[sweethearts|dozens of women who tolerated Chris]].

==See also:==
*[[Pokémon]]
*[[Rosechu]]
*[[Naitsirhc]]
*[[David the Dragonite]]
*[[Kellie Andes]]

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

List of Sonichu characters

2010-02-25T15:56:25Z

Parapluie: /* Dr. Bill Schwartz/Bill the Scientist */ Bill in issue 10

The following is a '''list of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' characters''', in order of [[fail|appearance]].

==[[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]==

=== Sonichu ===
{{main|Sonichu (character)}}

Chris-chan's "original" character. Sonichu is a Sonic re-color who is an unholy fusion of Sonic and Pikachu. He is the main protagonist in the comics. That is, until Chris takes the spotlight. His only purpose in recent episodes is to make sleazy sex references and bang Rosechu.

=== Chris-chan/Chris-chan Sonichu ===
{{main|Christian Weston Chandler|Chris-Chan Sonichu}}

Chris-chan's alternate self and Mary Sue. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much more slender than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). His medallion allows him to don a [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursuit]] when he shouts the phrase ''Electric Hedgehog Power!''

=== Perfect Chaos Monster ===
[[Image: Perfect_chaos.jpg|thumb|140px|left|Perfect Chaos as seen in Sonic X]]
[[Image: SchuComicPage6.jpg|thumb|140px|right|Perfect Chaos as seen in Sonichu #0]]

Perfect Chaos, or [[CWC-isms|"Perfect Chaos Monster"]] as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the [[Sonic The Hedgehog|Sonic]] game [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes '''Perfect Chaos''', a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of [[Station Square]]. [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the positive energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in the [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of his [[Sonichu (comic)|new comic book series]].

The story begins with a male [[Pikachu]] who wanders to Station Square to witness Super Sonic battling Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". Whether this is the same Sonic/Chaos battle depicted in "Sonic Adventure" is unknown, although Chaos destroyed the city in the game, so a rematch in the same city seems dubious.

During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an [[Rainbow|unexplained phenomenon]] which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory. Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild.

Later, Sonichu meets Sonic in a [[Sonichu 1|chance encounter]], and the two piece together what happened. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of Sonichu.

=== Sonic the Hedgehog ===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog}}

Sega mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic (aside from Sonichu). He makes a few appearances in the comic. Most notably in ''Sonichu #0'' as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence.

=== Rosechu ===
{{main|Rosechu}}

[[Sonichu]]'s worthless, 1-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. [[Women's rights|This is Chris's idea of how women behave]], likely adapted from TV comedies or anime.

===Kel===
{{main|Kel}}

Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into Rosechu. Continued to take care of Rosechu until Sonichu took over as her new pimp. She was never heard from again, though it came to light that by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with [[Naitsirhc]].

===David the Dragonite===

A [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]] Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "[[Niggo|just too big]]" even for her loose, gaping [[China]], and suggesting Kel [[Patti-Chan|have sex with him herself]]. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will [[Chris and writing#Kudzu plot|never know]].

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon|retconned]] into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of [[Kel]]'s Pokemon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0]] (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created [[simonla|gender-benders]] before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered [[Rosechu]] "Daisy" for a [[lesbian]] relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

===Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc===
{{main|Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc}}

Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was an orphan adopted by the Pokémon villain [[Giovanni]], and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When [[Chris]] fell into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], his [[Medallion]] also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an [[gay|evil]] version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnach Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "[[gay|straight]]" twin. Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after [[Black Sonichu]], which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque Sonichu.

===Black Sonichu===
{{main|Black Sonichu}}

Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's [[semen|DNA]], which Naitsirhc obtained in [[fapcup|battle]]. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for Giovanni, and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with [[Bubbles]]. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic rape at the hands of a [[Silvana Rosechu|trannie]]

===The Chaotic Combo===
{{main|Chaotic Combo}}

Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the [[Rainbow]] that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. The group is composed of:
*[[Wild Sonichu]]: Green recolor. Prays that God might pity him enough to grant him free sex.
*[[Punchy Sonichu]]: Red recolor. Knuckles the Echidna minus personality plus weird racist-looking eyes.
*[[Bubbles|Bubbles Rosechu]]: Blue recolor. Airhead slut.
*[[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]: White recolor. Fatass slut. Gave up dieting for Lent.
*[[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]: Purple recolor. Sort of a furry Dr. Manhattan with a vest. [[Wes_Iseli|Not a magician.]]

===Flame the Sunbird===
{{main|Flame the Sunbird}}

Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokemon, yet he readily uses Pokemon attacks, such as Drill Peck.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Hammer}}

Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furfag just like himself. As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against [[Count Graduon]]. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone.

===Wes Iseli===
{{main|Wes Iseli}}

Sarah's boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee. When Chris fulfilled the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] by becoming [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become [[Wes-Li Sonichu]]. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating [[Count Graduon]]. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]], and attending [[Mary Lee Walsh|Mary Lee Walsh's]] villain conclave in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]].

===Mary Lee Walsh===
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of Piedmont Virginia Community College, against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

===Jerkops===
{{main|Jerkops}}
Villainous foot-soldiers of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his [[Love Quest]].

===Zapdos===
''See [[Pokémon]]

Pokémon used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture Rosechu and battle Sonichu in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would use for his own [[gay|evil]] purposes.

===Metonic===
{{main|Metonic}}

Evolved form of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Appears only in Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Vamprosa===
{{main|Vamprosa}}

Evolved form of [[Rosechu]]. Appears only in Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Barbara Chandler===
{{main|Barbara Chandler}}

Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from [[Naitsirhc]] in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]

===Jerkhief===
{{main|Jerkhief}}

Leader of the [[Jerkops]]. The Jerkhief is a massive [[African American]] man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"

==[[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]==

===Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik===
{{main|Doctor Robotnik}}

Arch-nemesis to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. Enlisted to aid [[Giovanni]] in capturing Sonichu.

===Team Rocket===
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures [[Pokémon]] (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in [[CWCville]].

Team Rocket is run by [[Giovanni]] and his retarded homosexual son, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

They are also responsible for the creation of [[Blake]].

===Giovanni===
{{main|Giovanni}}

Leader of Team Rocket. Determined to capture Sonichu at any cost, Giovanni teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, thanks to the timely intervention of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

=== Dr. Bill Schwartz/Bill the Scientist ===
[[Image:Bill.jpg|right|thumb|His face <s>is</s> was a mystery.]]
[[File:Bill1.png|left|thumb| Dr. Bill Schwartz the Scientist]]
One of the more popular characters in Sonichu lore, Bill the Scientist was a genetics researcher for [[Team Rocket]] during the organization's brief alliance with [[Robotnik|Ivo Robotnik]]. It was Bill's duty to prepare [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu's]] DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of [[Blake|the clone]] until it took on a black color.

Bill is currently believed to be getting high somewhere with the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]], [[Metal Sonichu]], [[Silvana]] and [[Yawning Squirtle]]. Chris disputes this unorthodox fan theory in [[Twitter]], saying Bill is still in employ of Giovanni, and will be returning in comic. He then contradicts this when he appears later in [[Sonichu 10]], stating that Bill stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days. Bill later appears, along with [[Kel]] and [[Allison Amber]], to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.

=== Metal Sonichu ===
The [[Sonichu]] rip-off of Metal Sonic, he is one of the few characters even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Sadly though, he blames Robotnik for it. After being defeated by Sonic and Sonichu in [[Sonichu 1]] he crashes into the fucking [[moon]], however, he survives this attack, as evident by his hand rising out of one of the craters resulting in a cliffhanger. His current whereabouts are unknown, but [[Count Graduon]] is also on the moon now, so it is possible they are an alliance. The fans have speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the piece of shit and he will never be heard of again, but [[Mailbag]] and [[Twitter]] updates hint that in [[Sonichu 11|Issue 11]], Graduon will return from the moon, possessing Metal Sonichu — and by saying that Chris totally ruined this <del>awesome</del> completely predictable plot twist. Damn you, Twitter!

<gallery>
Image:MetalSonichu.jpg
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg
Image:221-ACMSchuBck.jpg
Image:222-YuMSchu.jpg
</gallery>

 

===Amy Rose===
{{main|Amy Rose}}

[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s love interest. Met [[Rosechu]] one day in [[CWCville Mall]], and the two discussed their uncanny resemblance, and their respective vapid love lives.

===Hanna===
{{main|Hanna}}

Woman who [[trolled]] Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his [[Attraction Sign]]. Chris, epic lulzcow that he is, not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.

==[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]==
===Keeper of the Destiny Cave===

An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his [[Medallion]] to transform into his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursona]]. After revealing the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with [[Yawning Squirtle]], if he's smart.

*[[Ancient_leader_of_the_Cherokee_Clan|Ancient Leader of the Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Wasabi Rival]]
*[[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]]

===Golem===

Weapon used by Count Graduon after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked [[CWCville]], [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]],[[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and [[Saramah Rosechu]] teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2.

===Count Graduon===
{{main|Count Graduon}}

The Evil released when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the [[Cherokian Clan]]. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has secretly manipulated [[Silvana Rosechu]] to become his trannie rape weapon against the [[fail|heroic]] Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

==[[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]==

=== Sonee & Rosey ===
{{main|Sonee & Rosey}} 

The (irritating) baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and their [[Chaotic Combo|recolors]]. They made their debut appearance on the first page of [[Sonichu_3|Sonichu #3]].

===Venusaur===
''See [[Pokémon]]''

A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.
 

===Scyther===
''See [[Pokémon]]''

For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a [[fail|failure]] to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

Ever since that fateful day, Wild has sworn to take revenge on the poachers, a complex scheme which apparently involves moving to [[CWCville]], hanging out at Spring Break parties, and attending Dating Education classes. As for his father, by now the poachers have probably stuck him in a jar with a scorpion and forced them to fight to the death.

Note: Although the correct pronunciation of "Scyther" is "sigh-ther", this is routinely ignored in the [[Audiobooks]].
 

===Swampert===
''See [[Pokémon]]''

A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to and end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.
 

=== Boulder-Dropping Whale ===
[[Image:Boulder_Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]

As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised [[Bubbles Rosechu]], and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles' timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for Sonichu characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Originally identified as a common whale in the [[Audiobooks]], Chris stated in a blog in January 2010 that it is a Wailord, a [[Pokémon]] that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]] which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord. Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite.

On 12 [[January 2010]], Chris [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|posted in his blog]] that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The [[Trolls|fans]] have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]] '''Bill''', '''Metal Sonichu''', and '''[[Yawning Squirtle]]''', getting high as fuck.

=== Nuns ===
[[Image:Schununs.jpg|thumb|"The Lord has sent us an egg, sister. Tonight, we'll have omelets"]]
The two nuns that raised [[Angelica]], even though ''real'' nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like [[Angelica]] they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words ''bless'' and ''Lord'' frequently.

In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from, as some sort of gross souvenir of the day they discovered her; Chris stated in the [[videobooks]] that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, and they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.

 

===G.D.W. Shinabe===
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris' many horrible [[Excel Saga]] references. The anime's director, Shinici Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in Puni Puni Poemy a follow-up project to Excel Saga.

In Sonichu, Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts [[Punchy Sonichu]] and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for Great Director Watanabe, a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in Puni Puni Poemy, and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.
 

If Christian's Sonichu article on [[CWCipedia]] is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason ''during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo''.

=== Mypoe ===
[[Image:Schumypoe.jpg|120px|thumb|A classic example of fanservice in Sonichu]]
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of Puni Puni Poemy, depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble [[Excel Saga|Excel]] instead. In Sonichu, Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged [[Punchy Sonichu]] to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a ''weak point'', and should be removed (a concept stolen from [[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the Dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.

Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the [[trolls|fans]].
 

=== Mewtwo ===
''See [[Pokémon]]''

A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.
 

===B-Manajerk===
{{main|B-Manajerk}}

Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his [[Love Quest]] at [[Mal-Wart]]. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic]], confront Chris after the [[Jerkhief]] tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with [[Mecha-Jerkops]], and Chris is aided by [[Darkbind Sonichu]]. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his [[Medallion]].
 

===Merried Seinor Comic===
{{main|Merried Seinor Comic}}

Companion of [[B-Manajerk]], ''''Merried Seinor Comic'''', also known as ''''Kirby'''', is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonalds' Chris was loitering in that day. In Sonichu, he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.
 

===W-M-Manajerk===
{{main|W-M-Manajerk}}

The ruler of the [[Mal-Wart]] region, ''''W-M-Manajerk'''' confronts Chris shortly after [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other [[Manajerks]], W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his [[Medallion]] with the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his "dream sibling", [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.
 

===Darkbind Sonichu===
{{main|Darkbind Sonichu}}

Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the [[Manajerks]] at the [[Mal-Wart]] region, but leaves just before the [[W-M-Manajerk]] shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.

Darkbind would later return to repel [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s invasion of [[CWCville]] in [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]], and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] to re-awaken his beloved [[Zelina Rosechu]].
 

===Mecha-Jerkops===

{{main|Mecha-Jerkops}}

Mechanical [[Jerkops]] used by the [[Manajerks]] to forcibly eject Chris from the [[Mal-Wart]] Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops.
 

==[[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]==
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]/[[Crystalina Rosechu]]
*[[Snorlax]]
*[[ScotPalazzo]]
*[[Bagget]], Jerkop Daitenzen
*[[Turdijerk]]
*Trebor Capman - Accomplice
*[[Crackder]] - portmanteau of the Decepticons Thundercracker and...um...Thundercracker.

==[[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]==
*Jack's Knight as William Spicer ([[Sarah Hammer]]'s husband)
*[[Sailor Megtune]]/[[Megan Schroeder]]
*[[Megagi La Skunk]]
*Harriet
*Joseph
*Julia
*Nick
*[[Jamsta Sonichu]]
*CWCville Constable
*[[CADD Chef]], aka Keneru-Meneth

==[[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]]==
*[[Patti Chandler]]/[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Allison Amber]]
*[[Shadow the Hedgehog]] (in [[Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] ad)
*[[Zelina Rosechu]]
*[[Clawdorf]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

==[[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]==
===Mighty the Armadillo===
Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Armordillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the [[Sonic The Hedgehog]] video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by Sonichu readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
 

===Sammy===
{{main|Sammy}}

A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical "Family Guy" style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate caricature of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
 

*Skelevision
*Ghost Buggy
*The Filmation [[Ghostbusters]]
*[[Kellie Andes]]
*[[Bender Bending Rodreiguez]]
*[[Joseph Herring]]
*[[Beavis]]
*[[Butt-head]]
===Janekops===
[[Image:Janekops.jpg|thumb|right|100px|You have the right to remain sexayyyyy]]
Female [[Jerkops]]. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in [[Sonichu #4|Sonichu #4]], by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. Presumably, then, any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at [[PVCC]] in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.

*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Kathleen]] (Jason's Woman Slave)
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Jiggliami]]
*[[Lolisa Rosechu]]
*[[Robert Simmons V]] aka sonichufan1985 aka sonichufan1986
 

==[[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]]==
*[[Thurston Howell III]]
*[[Lovey Howell]]
*[[Beel]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]] employees
*[[George W. Bush]]
*[[Barack Obama]]
*[[John McCain]]
*[[Hillary Clinton]]
*[[Sarah Palin]]
*[[Simonla Rosechu]]
*[[Zapina Rosechu]]

===Greta Squall===

News anchor for "[[Excel Saga|FQX]] News". Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.
 

*[[Silvana Rosechu]]
*[[Yawning Squirtle]] (hell yeah!)
*[[Mudkips]]
*[[Seadra]]
*[[Goldeen]]
*[[Staryu]]
*[[Corsola]]
*[[Octillery]]
*[[Mantine]]
*[[Corphish]]
*[[Optimus Prime]]
*[[Troll]] from the movie "Troll"?
*[[Sarah Jackson]]
*[[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]] aka [[Panda Halo]]

==[[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]==
*Sarah Jackaras - Comic version of [[Sarah Jackson]]
*George Phillip - Looks like Kenny from [[South Park]].
*[[Layla Flaaffy]]
*[[Ivy]]
*[[Reginald Sneasel]] - Hates darkies and shows obvious signs of jealousy just like Chris
*[[God/Jesus]]

===Florance Fisher===
[[Image:SchuFlorence.jpg|100px|thumb|]]
One of the few [[Niggos|black]] characters in Sonichu that isn't evil. She is rejected by Reginald, mirroring Chris' own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles ''South Park'''s art style, and was probably traced.

*Rita Jackaras
*Barely mentioned:
**Amy Testa
**Clem Jennings
**Geraldine
**Fred Shiflet
**Emily Ryan
**Unnamed computer-lab attendant
**Clyde Raymond - Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at [[Clyde Cash]]

*Robots (Transformers rip-offs, because Chris can't ruin your childhood enough):
**[[Prower]] - Punchy's Motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from Transformers Animated
**[[Scoundrals As Vessels]] - evil PVCC Decepticon, Repaint of Swindle from Transformers Animated
**[[Son-Chu]] - Chris's gay ass car with the Sonichu vanity plate
**[[Bumble-Lumba]] - recolor of Bumblebee from Transformers Animated. also a pizza delivery car
**[[Excelina]] - recolor of R.C. from Revenge of the Fallen.
**[[Armoraxe]] - recolor of Sound Wave from Transformers Animated, Even has guitar as a weapon.

*[[BlazeBob Sonichu]]
*[[Chloe Rosechu]]

Both were created by [[PandaHalo]]. <ref>From the CWCKipedia Sonichu page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" ''"Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."'' </ref>

*[[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]] - The Sonichu variation of Liquid Chris.

==[[Sonichu 10| Sonichu #10]]==
[[Image:Bugsbunny.jpg|thumb|right|Bugs, enjoying what appears to be a joint.]]
===Bugs Bunny===

A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, Bugs Bunny appeared briefly in [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]] to scold [[Jimmy Hill]] for his [[Parody|infringment]] upon [[Sonichu]]'s [[Chris and Copyright|copyright]]. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.

===Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez===
[[Image:geraldandlouie.JPG|right|thumb|Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend [[Sonichu]].]]
'''Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez''' are two of [[Cwcville]]'s policemen (true blue, not [[Jerkops]]) who show up in [[Sonichu 10]] to apprehend [[Inos]]. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of [[Sonichu]].

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He takes a [[Pedofork|particular interest]] in Sonichu's son [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie]].

Louis is the [[Niggos|black officer]] - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in [[Mailbag_50#And_in_closing...|Mailbag 50]]. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "[[duck|little Lou]]"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in [[Virginia]], calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

It is also worthy of note, that Louis Perez could be named after the character from the Saw franchise (possibly a relative, as Lindsey Perez from the movies is female). Chris has previously stated, that the Saw series is one of his favorite movie franchises in one of the Mailbags. Both characters are black policemen, making the "inspiration" much more likely.

===Others===
[[Image:Toiletexplodingvoltorb.png|right|thumb|[[Simonla]]'s killer.]]
*[[Little Big Planet|Sackboy]]
*[[Jimmy Hill]]
*[[Clyde Cash]] - a [[homo]] [[troll]] that Chris forces to kill himself.
*[[Jack Thaddeus]] - another homo troll that Chris forces to kill himself.
*[[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] - Revealed to be Silvana in disguise.
*[[Asperchu]]/Mitch Sonichu - an alternate universe variation of Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu creation. Is cured of Asperger's and transformed into Mitch Sonichu by Ultra Sonichu.
*Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu - the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Wild Sonichu, Bubbles Rosechu, Angelica Rosechu, Punchy Sonichu and Magi-Chan. Transformed and cured of their Asperger's by Ultra Sonichu.
*Metal Asperchu - A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven [[Sonichu Balls|Chaos Pickles]]. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.
*[[Basement Rosechus]]
*[[Inos]]
*[[Simonchu]]
*Toilet Exploding Voltorb - The Pokemon that kills Simonla. Uses Self-Destruct to kill her.
*[[Sandy Rosechu]]
*Judge Slack Lewis
*Marvey Blaziken

===The Asperchu Four===

The Asperchu Four are the four main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:

*Alec Benson Leary - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly" Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo
*[[Evan]] - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild
*[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Sean Watley]] - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, BILLY MAYS, and Kel
*[[Asperpedia|Mao]] - Asperpedia admin. Is broken and killed by Chris

==[[Sonichu Special 2]]==
[[Image:SchuComicSP2P4.jpg|thumb|right|It is said that perfect wedding days can feel like sweet blissful happy blur for everybody. Ching Chong certainly feels that way, but not in the usual sense... ''she was told about "recycling".'']]
===Ching Chong===
A small Chinese girl that Ivy tutored in [[Chris and art|art]]. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "[[Semen|Navy]]" while innocently browsing the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] website. Chris offered [[Chris and remorse|formal excuses]] to her in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log video]]. In the comic she appear as the flower girl.
===Other Characters===
*[[Keino]] - Ivy's dad
*[[Crass and Champ]] - Ivy's hermit crabs which are ring bearers

*'''Canino Houndhowl''' - receptionist for wedding, a creation of [[Megan]] that Chris ripped off
*[[Metal Gear Solid | Gecko and Mantis]], a pair of Raptor Chefs.
*'''Lilith''' - A meowth who is a bridesmaid
*'''Rachel''' - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
*CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
*[[My Little Pony]]
*'''[[MEOW|Spas]]''' - a feline pianist
{{clear}}

==[[Sonichu Special 4]]==
*[[CChanSonichuCWC]] - The REAL CHRIS who is falsely portrayed is a madman who kidnapped Kacey and likes to cut people
*[[Kacey]] - The Damsel in Distress
*[[Transformers|Megatron]] - used to injure a man who is already disarmed.
*Kacey's family - All are thankful to [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs
**[[Father_Call|Matt Devoria]] - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Figher 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry).
**Kacey's mother
**Kacey's brother
**Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "[[CChanSonichuCWC#Irony|geeky twerp]]"

==Sauce==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu]] [[Category: Lists]] [[Category:Characters]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-02-25T12:40:53Z

Parapluie: /* "They set me on fire!" — Slander */ typo in 'depiction'

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be [[Sonichu (comic)|forced to actually put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Despite this, he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school (in a scandalously revealing outfit). At age 27 Chris has dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and [[CWCFlyingElephants|debasing himself on the internet]].

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his [[Resume|resume]], Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a dime). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing [[Niggos|tolerance]] [[JERKS|and]] [[Homos|respect]] for other people, and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[Monthly tugboat|money]] or [[Gal pals|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris [[Myspace|distances himself]] from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and Health|seriously]] [[Duck|physically]] [[Chris|deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]] and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants from time to time]], and he found nothing strange about [[Recycling#Recycling|jerking off into a cup and chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face]] because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra that he wears happily]]. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]]. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them any amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag_7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that no gay person had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack <s>is</s> was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they [[recycling|do]] behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that gays are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villanous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with [[Recycling|drinking his own semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.''' That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works - legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "parodic", but doesn't like creations that he has labelled "parodies" either.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[EBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where [[Homos|homosexuality]] is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras,]] to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman actually willing to participate]].

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated ([[Fail|without success]]) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Strangely, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

A big example of Chris's hypocrisy are the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight lazy slob]], yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]" Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is opposed to the death penalty. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwckipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' of the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

==Chris on hypocrisy==

{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a newer, yet badly drawn, thing, after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans]].|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-02-25T12:40:19Z

Parapluie: /* "They set me on fire!" — Slander */

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be [[Sonichu (comic)|forced to actually put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Despite this, he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school (in a scandalously revealing outfit). At age 27 Chris has dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and [[CWCFlyingElephants|debasing himself on the internet]].

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his [[Resume|resume]], Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a dime). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing [[Niggos|tolerance]] [[JERKS|and]] [[Homos|respect]] for other people, and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[Monthly tugboat|money]] or [[Gal pals|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris [[Myspace|distances himself]] from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and Health|seriously]] [[Duck|physically]] [[Chris|deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]] and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants from time to time]], and he found nothing strange about [[Recycling#Recycling|jerking off into a cup and chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face]] because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra that he wears happily]]. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]]. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them any amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag_7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that no gay person had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack <s>is</s> was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they [[recycling|do]] behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that gays are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villanous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with [[Recycling|drinking his own semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.''' That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works - legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "parodic", but doesn't like creations that he has labelled "parodies" either.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[EBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where [[Homos|homosexuality]] is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras,]] to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman actually willing to participate]].

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated ([[Fail|without success]]) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Strangely, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depection of Alec's execution.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

A big example of Chris's hypocrisy are the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight lazy slob]], yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]" Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is opposed to the death penalty. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwckipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' of the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

==Chris on hypocrisy==

{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a newer, yet badly drawn, thing, after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans]].|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Wild Sonichu

2010-02-25T10:01:12Z

Parapluie:

{{quote|I can play the Sit n' Spin!|Wild Sonichu, from [[Sonichu: The Animated Series]]}}

[[Image:Wild.jpg|thumb|right|Wild as he appears in [[Sonichu 3]]]]
'''Wild Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and supposed leader of the [[Chaotic Combo]] (though this position is usually assumed by Chris in any of his [[Sonichu (character)|Mary]] [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Sue]] [[Chris-chan Sonichu|incarnations]]) that formed from eggs released by the rainbow as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. This character really has no personality. He is a grass/electric type, and a combination of several characters:
*Sonic the Hedgehog
*Pikachu
*[[Pokémon|Treecko]] (See his tail)
*Spider-Man (swings from vines that retract from his arms and sticks to walls)
*Espio the Chameleon (turns invisible, sticks to walls; both are on teams whose names are derivative of the word ‘chaos’)

Wild is also a noted player of the Sit 'n Spin.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWPnPiIRnug</ref>

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]==

After being hatched, Wild is adopted by a [[Scyther]] and a [[Venusaur]]. Growing up in his [[Sonee]] form, he learns to use a vine whip and razor leaf attacks like other grass [[Pokémon]]. Somehow, his adopted father manages to teach him valuable skills by repeating the same thing over and over. He eventually evolves into a green likeness of [[Sonichu]] with a “leafy tail” that looks like a beaver tail. Probably the least enigmatic [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], which is quite a feat.

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]==

While swinging from vines, he is hit by [[Blake]] who is trying to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] on a hover board. He then teams up with the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] for the first time and they team up to defeat Blake.
==[[Sonichu 5]]==
Wild and the other Chaotic Combo are teleported to help fight [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. They are unable to save [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from being trapped in the dark mirror. Luckily, they all have serious [[Autism|ADHD]] and forget about that, along with [[Chris|everyone else]]. This frees up time for more relationship drama and horrible sex.

==[[Sonichu 6]]==

Wild acts like a jealous faggot when [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] talk about how cool [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] is. He says he would get all the girls if he wasn’t kicked off the team for illegal vinal defense. This implies Wild is both a cheating liar and too retarded to understand basketball.

==[[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|Episode 17]]==

Wild, [[Sonichu]], and [[Rosechu]] are teleported to the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building to find a [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]] and confront the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Before entering the building, Wild cries about how his father [[Scyther]] was captured by poachers, acting emo for sympathy. Interestingly enough, Wild never bothered to look for his "Father" after he saw the "passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes". Wild proceed to immediately switch topics, turn invisible and [[Metal Gear Solid | sneak]] into the world's least secure building. He eventually recovers one of the [[Sonichu Balls]]; despite Rosechu and Sonichu failing in the most batshit way possible.

==Episode 18 Prologue==

Here we see the [[Chaotic Combo]] celebrating their 19th birthday on February 2, 2008. This is a lame ass attempt to make [[Chris]] look like less of a pedophile. Almost nothing goes on, making this episode a very poor facade.

==[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]==

Wild informs [[Punchy]] that his taste in women, namely [[Angelica]], sucks balls. Somehow Punchy is not offended, merely puzzled, and proceed to plan out his [[Chris and sex|rape]]. Other than setting up a very flimsy premise for [[Sonichu 9]], Wild has no purpose in this comic, retarding him further as a character.

==[[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]] ==

In the Dating Ed episode thus far, Wild attends the class alongside Punchy, making it apparent that nearly every main character is a desperate loser. Wild, after the first class is paired with [[Simonla]] by their teacher.

Of course, mere moments after meeting face to face, the two are hopelessly in love - Chris rips off Spiderman by having Wild swing through the city with Simonla in his arms, in an attempt to simulate an actual romantic moment. After this one outing, Wild takes her home to his "vibrating bed" (srsly) then Simonla shows the blueprints of her own place. Why you'd show anyone the blueprints of your house is a mystery.

The fact that Wild seems to find Simonla attractive is proof enough that he is gay, as Simonla has got to be the least effeminate character in the entire comic, surpassing even [[Megagi]]'s dykiness. However, Chris will never admit that his characters are as [[Homos|gay]] as he is.

==[[Sonichu 10]]==
[[Image:Wild parenting tips.jpg|thumb|right|Wild Sonichu: Father of the Year.]]

After helping free Chris from the [[Time Void]], Wild mostly takes a low-key role in the issue's lone episode until the waning pages of episode 21. Shortly after it is revealed that Wild and Simonla have congealed an egg together, Simonla is killed by a Voltorb planted in the ladies' room by [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec]]. Shortly after the announcement of Simonla's death, the egg hatches. Wild names his new daughter Sandy and raises her as a single father, Kramer vs. Kramer-style (Simonla will be portrayed in the film version by Meryl Streep). The comic ends with a jury consisting of the now-grown Sandy and Wild sentencing Simonla's murderers to death. The father and daughter then personally cooperate to execute [[Evan]] in the bloodiest manner possible.

==Trivia==
*In a [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|video]] uploaded on 13th [[September 2009]], Chris reveals that Wild Sonichu's adoptive Scyther father was in fact kidnapped "a long time ago". Chris goes on to reveal that Wild has to go and find him during the events of [[Sonichu Adventure]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:257-ACWild.jpg
Image:258-ACWildBck.jpg
Image:259-WildCard.jpg
Image:260-YuWild.jpg
Image:261-Wild.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

File:Wild parenting tips.jpg

2010-02-25T09:55:56Z

Parapluie: Wild Sonichu: father of the year.

Wild Sonichu: father of the year.

Simonla Rosechu

2010-02-25T09:17:46Z

Parapluie: /* Death */ Revised to reflect new pages

{{Ongoing}}

Once upon a time, '''Simonla Rosechu''' (aka '''Simonla''', pronounced sih-MOAN-luh) was an orange [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]] who could turn her arms into drills and dig underground. She also had a drill at the end of her tail. Then her guts were shredded by a tragic toilet explosion.

Originally a [[troll|fan]] character submitted by [[Evan]] named '''Simonchu''', [[Chris]] instead added breasts and a [[china]] and turned it into Simonla so he'd have something to [[mass debating|masturbate]] to.

==Background==
Evan told Chris he got his drills from being raised by Beedrill, though any bona fide weeaboo knows the drills and the name come from Simon the Driller, from ''[[Wikipedia:Gurren Lagann|Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]]''. Interestingly, in his [[Apologies to Alec and Evan]] video, Chris pronounces Simonchu as ''Sigh-Mon-Chu'' and not ''See-moan-chu'', meaning that:

*Chris has never seen Gurren Lagann before, much to the relief of many fans and
*Simonla's pronunciation would be ''Sigh-mon-lah''.

This is reinforced by other inconsistencies with the character, including mistaking Simonchu's cape for a shell on Simonla and that the Core Drill Bit was a shark's tooth necklace.

Her actual character biography is basically non-existent. While the members of the [[Chaotic Combo]] all have their own retarded little backstories to explain where they came from and what they're doing together, Simonla just shows up one day, ready to strip naked and present backdrops. Where she's been and why she never helped with all the crazy shit that happens in [[CWCville]] is never addressed. At all.

[[Evan]] eventually clears it up in his Simonchu comic: Simonla is a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|female clone]] of Simonchu, sent back in time to befriend the other Electric Hedgehogs so that Chris can prove [[Wild]] is STRAIGHT to the trolls in order to cover up [[Asperchu|Alec's SLANDEROUS portrayals]]. This explains, somewhat, Chris's constant references to Simonla and Simonchu being siblings, though it may be more accurate to consider Simonla a daughter to Simonchu. [[lie|Chris is sure to integrate this creative and interesting plot twist into his own comic immediately]], [[Mitch Sonichu|just as he expects other people to change their comics to match his ideas]].

==Simonla the [[Pedofork]]==
In the Dating Education episode, we see Simonla outside Cwcville U talking to [[Zapina]], the 14-year-old girl who wants to strip despite those "dumb child protection Laws" Chris and the Sonichu gang hate so much. Zapina refers to Simonla as "her best friend," which is creepy enough, before Simonla instructs her to get a "16-year-old boy".

One can only wonder why she would do such a thing, when any woman in her right mind would tell her to focus on her studies and hang out with friends her own age before worrying about boys, especially one two years older when she's clearly underage!

==Development==
[[Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png|thumb|Before...]]
On 26 August 2008, Evan posted on his [[DeviantArt]] account:<ref>http://evang-y.deviantart.com/art/Simonchu-96132351</ref>

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
My Sonichu fancharacter.

Simonchu
Age: 14
Ground/Electric

Simonchu was originally a Pikachu, raised by a swarm of Beedrill. However, when Perfect Chaos attacked Station Square, the Pikachu and Beedrills watched from a nearby forest. In the middle of the battle a flash of pure Chaos energy was released, killing all the Beedrills. The Pikachu, however, was able to absorb the Chaos energy and use it to evolve. Depressed due to his parents' demise, Simonchu took his parents' drills and dug deep underground, leaving no one in CWCville to know of this unique Sonichu and his awesome powers.

until today...

...
[[Image:Simonla.jpg|thumb|...and after. Chris has the reverse Midas touch - everything he touches turns to shit.]]

Now I really must send it to him and hope he includes Simonchu in another issue. He is JUST bad enough to fit into Sonichu. </div>

Three months later, Chris did use the character, as he had wanted to create a ground-type Sonichu or Rosechu character. He could have used Simonchu, as he had Evan's permission to, but, feeling that he had enough Sonichu characters (or, more likely, needing material to [[mass debating|mass debate]] to), he decided to turn Simonchu into Simonla (playing off Simone, the feminine form of Simon), because to Chris, tits = better. Chris-chan also misinterpreted the cloak Simonchu wore as some sort of shell, judging by Simonla's line, "My shell is removable!"

Chris has claimed on Simonla's CWCipedia page that in Episode 20 he will introduce Simonchu as a ground (and only ground) type. [[Lie|He never showed up.]]

===Forced Romance===

{{Quote|plus pairing Simonla with Wild as a couple; that GIVES multiple meanings to the phrase "Opposites Attract."|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Why no Tails?|completely failing to explain anything]].}}

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], Simonla attends the [[Dating education|dating classes]] and is eventually paired up with Wild Sonichu. Chris-chan had previously revealed this to Evan in the ancient Sonichu IRC chatroom, but it ended up creating one of the most horrific pages in Sonichu history.

===Evan's Response===

In late [[December 2009]], [[Evan]] [[Mailbag 22#Evan: back with a vengeance|e-mailed Chris]], accusing him of lying about the resolution Chris claimed to have worked out with him. Chris [[Rejected Mailbag#Let Me Get Back To You On That|ignored]] this e-mail.

Four mailbags later, Evan [[Mailbag 26#It isn't theft if Chris dumps a boyfriend on them|once again]] petitioned Chris, this time saying Chris was stealing his character. Evan politely asked Chris to kill Simonla in the comic, yet Chris responded by saying that he could not write out Simonla, as she was [[Wild]]'s girlfriend, and that he shouldn't be a monster for wanting to do so.

Evan [[Mailbag 35|tried again]], tired of it all, where Chris pointedly refused once more. Disillusioned with Chris, Evan allowed [[Asperchu|the creator of ''Asperchu'', Alec Benson Leary]], to feature Simonchu as one of Sonichu's friends. Whilst Simonchu is portrayed as a homosexual in the comic, [[Mailbag 40#Simonchu_swings_both_ways|Evan confirmed in an e-mail to Chris that Simonchu is bisexual]], and that Alec treated the character with far more respect than changing his gender without permission. Chris still persists with his refusal, on the grounds that depriving Wild of his girlfriend would be awful.

Evan would ask Chris to remove Simonla once again in [[Mailbag 43]]. Chris responded with one of his most bizarre and megalomanical statements yet, explaining that Simonla "didn't want" to leave CWCville, and that Evan himself "moves on" under the influence of [[Chris and his ego|Chris's Directorial Powers.]] Chris would later claim that Simonla should be considered an original character, since Chris could have, theoretically, come up with the concept on his own, with the fact that he actually based her on Simonchu's design more or less a coincidence:

{{quote|...IF I start with a Normal Rosechu, give her ground and dirt for skin, add some Drills, Natural Second Transparent Eyelids, an Armadillo Shell with a Drill Spot for a Marking on the front, and Construction Shoes, DOES NOT MEAN AT ALL of YOUR story of "Re-Modifying Simonchu with a Vagina"; THE TWO ARE SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS, so do us all a favor and QUIT B****ING AND STRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN PREMATURE DEATH.|Chris, [[Mailbag 44]].}}

TL;DR Pointless, throwaway relationships = Rights to use a fan character, in Chris's mind.

===Chris denies reality===
[[Image:Fkinglie.png|thumb|Evan's response.]]
After all this back-and-forth in the [[Mailbag]] over what to do with Simonla, on 02 February 2010 Chris added the following note to his profile of the character on the [[CWCipedia]]:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
I had previously stated inspiration from Evan George's Simonchu Character; that was a fabrication, and I apologize for leaving the lie up for this whole time.

Simonchu was Never an Inspiration, or had Anything to do with Simonla Rosechu's creation whatsoever.

Thank you for being patient while I had thought further on Simonla's Background Story.</div>

This fooled absolutely no one. Evan and his fellows responded with a barrage of new advertisements at the top of every CWCipedia page, pointing out Chris's obvious lie.

Using those advertisements as a wedge, the Asperpedia creators hoped to eventually force Chris to do away with Simonla. As chronicled in [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Calls|Alec Benson Leary's phone calls with Chris]], this proved to be an uphill battle. Over the course of late January and into early February 2010, Chris continued to insist that Simonla had to remain a part of his comic.

Chris relented somewhat as the ads on the CWCipedia grew more and more offensive. On [[I am Alive|February 6th 2010]], he posted a video where he conceded defeat of a kind, promising to kill Simonla and remove her entry in the CWCipedia at some time in the indefinite future. This wasn't good enough for Evan, who exerted legal pressure to have the CWCipedia locked to edits.

On 8 February 2010, in his [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_7|final phone conversation with Alec]], Chris claimed that he had given in, drawn the pages of Simonla's death, and had them ready for uploading. However, either he never bothered to follow through on that promise or he simply never go the chance. Early on 9 February 2010, all the CWCipedia's content was deleted from its server space.

==Death==
[[Image:WildCADbortion2.jpg|thumb|How it happened.]]
On 9 February 2010, responding to the deletion of the CWCipedia, Chris admitted that his promise to get rid of Simonla was made under duress:

{{Quote|And I never wanted to kill Simonla! But I was practically back-BLACK mailed by that god damned by that god damned Evan...|Chris, [[9_February_2010|9 February 2010]]}}

Belatedly, however, he finally made good. On 13 Feburary 2010, Evan released two pages he received from Chris, where Chris makes a rote apology (dwelling for some strange reason on the topic of hamster rape) and Simonla is killed for good. In the pages, it is shown that Simonla is killed ''by a toilet bomb in the ladies' bathroom'' during a date at the movies with Wild. After being <s>injured worse</s> treated by [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s> Doctor]], who has apparently quit working for Team Rocket in favor of emergency medicine, Simonla passes on. Wild mourns for exactly ONE PANEL before Magi-Chan deus-ex-machinas where her killers are and he takes off on a mission of revenge. Simonla is injured offscreen and dies offscreen, exactly the opposite of what [[Alec]] [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|requested]].

In what may or may not be a coincidence, Simonla succumbs to "her internal injury," the same fate that felled a number of Chris's [[Officer Nasty]] dolls.

Some days later, Chris released a revised version of Simonla's death, in which the drama takes place over several pages and Simonla is revealed to have shat out an egg, which is in the care of [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] when Simonla goes asplodey. A time jump occurs and the egg hatches into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Issue 10 culminates in the father-daughter team of Wild and Sandy cooperating to execute [[Evan]] in spectacular and gory fashion, thereby going against Chris's long-held assertion that [[List of Chris's lies|he would never stoop to Alec's level and include gratuitous gore in his comic]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:SimonlaThePedofork.jpg|Chris subtly lets slip his pedofork tendencies through Simonla
Image:SchuComic10P20.jpg|this is God punishing Evan for sending him those e-mails.
Image:Simonlaemailqf7.png|The e-mail confirming Simonla's appearance.
Image:SimonlaOriginalDesign.jpg|Chris's original design of Simonla.
Image:Email from chris.png|Chris gives Evan his page(s)...
Image:SchuComic11P80.jpg|and starts with a wall of [[Lies|text]]
Image:SchuComic11P81.jpg|Chris kills off Simonla by having a toilet bomb blow up her [[china]].
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg|Alec Benson Leary offers his own take on Simonla's demise.
Image:WildCADbortion1.jpg
Image:WildCADbortion2.jpg
Image:WildCADbortion3.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}

*[[Evan]]
*The TRUE, HONEST and PICKLE-HAVING Advenures of Simonchu and Niachu: [http://simonchucomics.deviantart.com/]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]][[Category:Dead]]

Talk:Magi-Chan

2010-02-21T14:42:42Z

Parapluie:

Seriously, just created a stub for this. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:58, 22 March 2009 (CET)
==The Name==
I get it! It's a pun based off the word 'Magician'--[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 00:46, 16 April 2009 (CEST)
*It took me a while to get that myself, but then again I'm a bit of an ASS PIE. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:39, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
Poor Magi-Chan. He must be so lonely and cynical because he's seen every depraved sex act in CWCville, including the Missionary Cowboy and Chris' huge, bent duck. How can this man desire romance when he's seen so much? --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 16:59, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Or Magi-Chan is just another perverted representation of Chris's psyche; His desire to sneak, watch and punish those who perform the acts that arouse him ([[Homos]] & [[Pedofork|Pedoforks]]). [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:57, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
::*No way. This proves that Magi-Chan = gay is cannon. I mean... he's in charge of finding every homosexual person in CWCville, yet nobody has every been thrown in CWCville prison fior homosexual acts. He's all like, "Yup. Carry on." Dude is gaaaaaaay... --17:51, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
:::*Good point there. This means that Magi-Chan is running the equivalent of a pink "Schindler's List" in CWCville. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:57, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
:::*Naw dude, this is a position Magi-chan relishes. He'll watch people have gay sex, then as soon as he finishes jerking off, he busts them. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:37, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
:::* My take? Magi-chan just pretends to be psychic-scanning, because Chris can't tell whether or not Magi-chan is doing anything in that regard. In general, he seems to be pretty lazy and apathetic, since he barely does anything; so the psychic-scanning-for-homos is probably just an excuse for him to watch TV, take a nap or read the funnies. Just imagine the cliche of the night shift security guard, but apply it to a psychic hedgehog. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 07:25, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

I'm not so sure "-chan" is solely for girls. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 07:25, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
*It's commonly used for teenage girls, little kids or animals. He is some kind of animal, so it works, though probably unintentionally.--[[user:yawn|Yawn]] 7:47, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
* Maybe the '-chan' is meant to be an 'exotic sounding' surname of some sorts, like "Jackie Chan"? -[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 19:36, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
:* Let's remember that "Chan" can be a diminutive of our favorite Man-Child surname; ''Chandler''.
::* Makes sense knowing that Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo are all technically his 'children'. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 16:26, 12 January 2010 (EST)

== magi-chan by xent ==

should we add that to the article since magi-chan is the main character or should we add it to the fan works section of the cwcki?

If you want to read it, its at the /cxc/ board. http://legi0n.789chan.org/cxc/res/20.html

If nobody knows who xent is, he's the guy who wrote "chris gets laid"

:* Two golden rules. First, sign your message with four "~" like this. It will stamp your name and the date you have posted the message. So we will all know that it is you, Flyingdingo0827 who posted it. Second, If Chris dint mention the fan work, it goes into the fan section. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:02, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

:*thanks for the tip Mr. Griffin, I'll keep that in mind [[User:Flyingdingo0827|Flyingdingo0827]] 06:04, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

==Magi-Chan or Magi-chan==

Is there an official position on the capitalization of Magi's chan? [[User:Parapluie|Parapluie]] 14:42, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

Magi-Chan

2010-02-21T14:40:19Z

Parapluie: /* Overview */ Magi-Chan's crusade against the gays

[[Image:SchuMagichan1.jpg|thumb|Magi-Chan Sonichu as he appears in [[Sonichu 3]]]]
'''Magi-Chan''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. He is most definitely [[gay]] (his name is Magi-CHAN, Chan being an affectionate Japanese term for girls, thus proving his sexuality) & emo. He's the serious know-it-all and the only character not interested in finding a [[sweetheart]]. He's also one of the major sources of ''deus ex machina'' in the comic, and by far the character most often depicted as just a floating head.

Magi-chan is probably the only sympathetic character in the whole series, due to his sarcastic and often serious mood unintentionally making him seem intolerant of Sonichu and Chris's bullshit, and the homosexual undertones in his character. He also remains girlfriend-free the longest of all the characters, and only complains about it when Sonichu pretty much shoves the fact that he's going to be fucking his girlfriend all night.

He is also slightly annoying to other readers, simply because he is clearly omnipotent, but refuses to use his powers for any reason other than to exposit and teleport characters to where they need to be in order to do a job he could, himself, do in a matter of moments. However, some [[trolls|readers]] find this to be his most redeeming characteristic, as he clearly only puts in the bare minimum of effort to satisfy Chris's [[autism|retarded]] whims.

==Overview==
Magi-Chan exists in this weird nebulous reality where, because he's supposed to be the smartest being alive, he's actually more intelligent than the [[Christian Weston Chandler|creator of his own universe]]. So his is the experience of spending the entirety of his life enraged at the blatant retardation of the people and the world around him, and yet being completely unable to express it. He's keenly aware of how meaningless a character he is, and how quickly he could be tossed to the side, written off, or killed offscreen, never to be mentioned again. His only hope is that one day he will transcend the boundaries of Chris's terrible narrative and he'll evolve into a being unrestrained by the comic's conventions. An avatar for pure hatred. [[CWCville]] will be consumed by fire. But fear that day, my friends, because once he is done with his universe, he will move on to ours. And that will be a dark day indeed.

Magi-Chan is perhaps the most useless in Chris's canon of useless characters, rivalled only by [[Lolisa Rosechu]]. Despite being essentially omnipotent, he does little more than enable everybody else to do something by filling them in on all the exposition and teleporting them where they need to go, rather than Chris waste his valuable time by (gasp!) building the world and building up suspense!

In recent comics, however, Magi-Chan has come in more handy as a sort of "right-hand man" to Chris, particularly in his fight against homosexuality. Chris has stated that Magi-Chan monitors all sexual activity in the city using his psychic powers, and later has Magi-Chan travel to the future in order to obtain a bulk batch of the cure for homosexuality. Magi-Chan would effectively contaminate the water supply of [[Cwcville]] with Chris's blood in order to cleanse the world of its [[homos]].

It is an open secret that Magi-chan is the real father of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Christine]].

He is a combination of 4 characters, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Pikachu]], [[Pokémon|Mewtwo]] and [[Homos|Tinky-Winky]].

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]==
[[Image:SchuMagiSonee.jpg|100 px|thumb|right|Magi-Chan as a Sonee]]
Magi-Chan's egg lands in a secluded cave in the cliffs surrounding CWCville. Upon hatching he is spoken to via telepathy by either a Mew or a Mewtwo - Chris's crappy drawings make it unclear. Anyhoo, this psychic what-the-fuck trains Magi-Chan [[Sonee]] to use his psychic abilities until he evolves in meditation one day. The first thing he does whilst in his new form is crack one off.
Yes - Magi-Chan, the emo / goth, stoic and serious character, farts. Classy.

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]==
Magi-Chan stands over CWCville, his all-knowing mind seeing the impending fight against [[Blake]]. He sighs, heads on over where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members and seems to set himself up as the Leader within moments. The others seemed to accept this rather than asking ''"Who the fuck are you, you big purple fag?"'' Then they all beat up [[Blake]] to the point that his head is bleeding all over the grass.

==[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Shattered_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Shattered Hearts & Entrapment]]==
Magi-Chan and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by [[Chris]]. That's about it. The entire Chaotic Combo and [[Sonichu_(character)|Sonichu]] never fight or have any real dialogue in this issue. So what was the point in them even appearing?

==[[Sonichu 6]]==
While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Chris and Magi-Chan try to figure out how to free her. Magi-Chan gives a bullshit theory about how the Sonichu Balls could break the dark mirror.

Then [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] attacks and [[Chris]] orders Magi-Chan and [[Sonichu]] to investigate with him. Magi-Chan does practically nothing from there on other than stopping Sonichu from starring in his own comic for a few seconds.

==[[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|Time Hogs]]==
For no reason Magi-Chan, along with Chris and Sonichu, begins the hunt for the seven Sonichu Balls at the [[Manchester High School]] Gymnasium. Magi-Chan gives some made-up theory about how the Sonichu Balls can be scattered through time. He then realizes that Chris came in contact with the ball back in [[1996]] and the three go back in time to retrieve it. On the way back Chris gets lost in a time void and Magi-Chan explains the he will return eventually. Sonichu shows no real interest in his father's plight and makes a few sleazy sex references before leaving for his date with [[Rosechu]].

==[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]==
[[Image:MagiChanisGay.JPG|250 px|thumb|right|Precise and accurate.]]
Magi-Chan, being too lazy to do the task himself, explains to [[Bubbles]] that he has found a [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu Ball]], and tells her to go get it. He also tries to warn her of [[Silvana|Silvana's]] trap but Bubbles doesn't believe him despite the fact that Magi-Chan knows fucking everything. Eventually [[Jiggliami]] calls her and tells her that she found [[Blake]] unconscious and the two girls begin their fight. After Silvana leaves, Bubbles asks Magi-chan to teleport her to Blake.

==[[Sonichu 9#Episode_19|Dating ED]]==
Magi-Chan never appears in this episode, strengthening the theory that because he is gay, he will never be happy and paired up.

==[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]==
Alone among Chris's major characters, Magi-Chan has shown no romantic interest for any other character in the comic book. In [[Episode 20]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:SchuComic9P65.jpg page 65], Magi-Chan told the hermaphrodite [[Silvana]] that he was deceived by her "[[China|feminine charms]]." He pleads with her to stop working with [[Count Graduon]] and insists that he can restore her "birth gender." So Magi-Chan will one day cut her [[duck|dick]] off and fall in love with her.

After his exchange with Silvana, Magi-Chan disappears from episode 20 almost entirely. He plays no significant role in the plot until the epilogue, where he shows up to provide a handy deus ex machina and randomly pull Chris out of the Time Void.

==Mental illness==
[[Image:Magichan talking bollocks.png|thumb|right|400px|An example of Magi-chan's recent unintelligible speech and mental confusion.]]
Recently, Magi-Chan has shown some signs of mental confusion, severe depression and aggression towards the [[Chaotic Combo]]. For much of issue 10 he appears confused and disorientated, and most of his speech is unintelligible. He talks to himself, and at one point reduces himself to tears. This raises fears that he is suffering from some kind of mental illness or deterioration such as Alzheimer's disease or cerebral palsy. It is possible that his unusually powerful intelligence is the result of some birth defect which is now causing him problems; he will need to be observed in the coming months to see if the deterioration continues or if he develops spasticity.

Fresh fears are raised every day; it was revealed on page 70 of Issue 10 that Magi-Chan's psychic powers had somehow "missed" a stereotypical [[Inos|Rastafarian]] living in a 'Dumbster' behind a [[Chris and Money|soup hotel]]. This raised consternation even from the usually [[Autism|stoic]] Sonichu. It is becoming increasingly clear that something is dreadfully wrong with Magi-Chan. [[Christian]] must act fast to ensure that he gets the [[Rocky Shoemaker|help]] he needs.

==Outside of the comics==
Magi-Chan is one of the more popular characters with the trolls due to his arguably homosexual tendencies. As such he is mentioned in Chris's [[Mailbag|Mailbags]] quite frequently. This has caused a few new facts about the character to surface, notably that [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|he is aware of any sex act]] that happens to occur within [[CWCville]] city limit and inform Chris if it doesn't fit his [[Homos|puritanical ideals]]. That's not creepy or anything.

==Evidence that Magi-Chan is a [[Homos|homo]]==
*"Chan" is an affectionate term used to address girls in Japan.
*The only girl he's remotely interested in is the [[Silvana|chick with the dick]].
*According to [[Mailbag 31|Mailbag 31]], Magi-Chan uses his psychic powers to actually go ''looking'' for people having gay sex.
*He's fucking purple.
*He teleported for Wild but refused to teleport for his friends in general.
*Chris made him.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|Magi-Chan is too cool to smile.
Image:Magichan scowling.jpg
Image:Magichan bubble.jpg
Image:281-MagiChan.jpg|THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE
Image:MagiChanFarts.JPG|Magi-chan hard at work.
Image:280-YuMagi.jpg
Image:Magichanmausterbate.jpg‎|[[Mailbag 31|Magi-Chan Sonichu is watching you masturbate.]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Magi-Chan

2010-02-21T14:38:59Z

Parapluie: /* Overview */

[[Image:SchuMagichan1.jpg|thumb|Magi-Chan Sonichu as he appears in [[Sonichu 3]]]]
'''Magi-Chan''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. He is most definitely [[gay]] (his name is Magi-CHAN, Chan being an affectionate Japanese term for girls, thus proving his sexuality) & emo. He's the serious know-it-all and the only character not interested in finding a [[sweetheart]]. He's also one of the major sources of ''deus ex machina'' in the comic, and by far the character most often depicted as just a floating head.

Magi-chan is probably the only sympathetic character in the whole series, due to his sarcastic and often serious mood unintentionally making him seem intolerant of Sonichu and Chris's bullshit, and the homosexual undertones in his character. He also remains girlfriend-free the longest of all the characters, and only complains about it when Sonichu pretty much shoves the fact that he's going to be fucking his girlfriend all night.

He is also slightly annoying to other readers, simply because he is clearly omnipotent, but refuses to use his powers for any reason other than to exposit and teleport characters to where they need to be in order to do a job he could, himself, do in a matter of moments. However, some [[trolls|readers]] find this to be his most redeeming characteristic, as he clearly only puts in the bare minimum of effort to satisfy Chris's [[autism|retarded]] whims.

==Overview==
Magi-Chan exists in this weird nebulous reality where, because he's supposed to be the smartest being alive, he's actually more intelligent than the [[Christian Weston Chandler|creator of his own universe]]. So his is the experience of spending the entirety of his life enraged at the blatant retardation of the people and the world around him, and yet being completely unable to express it. He's keenly aware of how meaningless a character he is, and how quickly he could be tossed to the side, written off, or killed offscreen, never to be mentioned again. His only hope is that one day he will transcend the boundaries of Chris's terrible narrative and he'll evolve into a being unrestrained by the comic's conventions. An avatar for pure hatred. [[CWCville]] will be consumed by fire. But fear that day, my friends, because once he is done with his universe, he will move on to ours. And that will be a dark day indeed.

Magi-Chan is perhaps the most useless in Chris's canon of useless characters, rivalled only by [[Lolisa Rosechu]]. Despite being essentially omnipotent, he does little more than enable everybody else to do something by filling them in on all the exposition and teleporting them where they need to go, rather than Chris waste his valuable time by (gasp!) building the world and building up suspense! In recent comics, however, Magi-Chan has come in more handy as a sort of "right-hand man" to Chris, particularly in his fight against homosexuality. Chris has stated that Magi-Chan monitors all sexual activity in the city using his psychic powers, and later has Magi-Chan travel to the future in order to obtain a bulk batch of the cure for homosexuality.

It is an open secret that Magi-chan is the real father of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Christine]].

He is a combination of 4 characters, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Pikachu]], [[Pokémon|Mewtwo]] and [[Homos|Tinky-Winky]].

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]==
[[Image:SchuMagiSonee.jpg|100 px|thumb|right|Magi-Chan as a Sonee]]
Magi-Chan's egg lands in a secluded cave in the cliffs surrounding CWCville. Upon hatching he is spoken to via telepathy by either a Mew or a Mewtwo - Chris's crappy drawings make it unclear. Anyhoo, this psychic what-the-fuck trains Magi-Chan [[Sonee]] to use his psychic abilities until he evolves in meditation one day. The first thing he does whilst in his new form is crack one off.
Yes - Magi-Chan, the emo / goth, stoic and serious character, farts. Classy.

==[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]==
Magi-Chan stands over CWCville, his all-knowing mind seeing the impending fight against [[Blake]]. He sighs, heads on over where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members and seems to set himself up as the Leader within moments. The others seemed to accept this rather than asking ''"Who the fuck are you, you big purple fag?"'' Then they all beat up [[Blake]] to the point that his head is bleeding all over the grass.

==[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Shattered_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Shattered Hearts & Entrapment]]==
Magi-Chan and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by [[Chris]]. That's about it. The entire Chaotic Combo and [[Sonichu_(character)|Sonichu]] never fight or have any real dialogue in this issue. So what was the point in them even appearing?

==[[Sonichu 6]]==
While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Chris and Magi-Chan try to figure out how to free her. Magi-Chan gives a bullshit theory about how the Sonichu Balls could break the dark mirror.

Then [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] attacks and [[Chris]] orders Magi-Chan and [[Sonichu]] to investigate with him. Magi-Chan does practically nothing from there on other than stopping Sonichu from starring in his own comic for a few seconds.

==[[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|Time Hogs]]==
For no reason Magi-Chan, along with Chris and Sonichu, begins the hunt for the seven Sonichu Balls at the [[Manchester High School]] Gymnasium. Magi-Chan gives some made-up theory about how the Sonichu Balls can be scattered through time. He then realizes that Chris came in contact with the ball back in [[1996]] and the three go back in time to retrieve it. On the way back Chris gets lost in a time void and Magi-Chan explains the he will return eventually. Sonichu shows no real interest in his father's plight and makes a few sleazy sex references before leaving for his date with [[Rosechu]].

==[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]==
[[Image:MagiChanisGay.JPG|250 px|thumb|right|Precise and accurate.]]
Magi-Chan, being too lazy to do the task himself, explains to [[Bubbles]] that he has found a [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu Ball]], and tells her to go get it. He also tries to warn her of [[Silvana|Silvana's]] trap but Bubbles doesn't believe him despite the fact that Magi-Chan knows fucking everything. Eventually [[Jiggliami]] calls her and tells her that she found [[Blake]] unconscious and the two girls begin their fight. After Silvana leaves, Bubbles asks Magi-chan to teleport her to Blake.

==[[Sonichu 9#Episode_19|Dating ED]]==
Magi-Chan never appears in this episode, strengthening the theory that because he is gay, he will never be happy and paired up.

==[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]==
Alone among Chris's major characters, Magi-Chan has shown no romantic interest for any other character in the comic book. In [[Episode 20]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:SchuComic9P65.jpg page 65], Magi-Chan told the hermaphrodite [[Silvana]] that he was deceived by her "[[China|feminine charms]]." He pleads with her to stop working with [[Count Graduon]] and insists that he can restore her "birth gender." So Magi-Chan will one day cut her [[duck|dick]] off and fall in love with her.

After his exchange with Silvana, Magi-Chan disappears from episode 20 almost entirely. He plays no significant role in the plot until the epilogue, where he shows up to provide a handy deus ex machina and randomly pull Chris out of the Time Void.

==Mental illness==
[[Image:Magichan talking bollocks.png|thumb|right|400px|An example of Magi-chan's recent unintelligible speech and mental confusion.]]
Recently, Magi-Chan has shown some signs of mental confusion, severe depression and aggression towards the [[Chaotic Combo]]. For much of issue 10 he appears confused and disorientated, and most of his speech is unintelligible. He talks to himself, and at one point reduces himself to tears. This raises fears that he is suffering from some kind of mental illness or deterioration such as Alzheimer's disease or cerebral palsy. It is possible that his unusually powerful intelligence is the result of some birth defect which is now causing him problems; he will need to be observed in the coming months to see if the deterioration continues or if he develops spasticity.

Fresh fears are raised every day; it was revealed on page 70 of Issue 10 that Magi-Chan's psychic powers had somehow "missed" a stereotypical [[Inos|Rastafarian]] living in a 'Dumbster' behind a [[Chris and Money|soup hotel]]. This raised consternation even from the usually [[Autism|stoic]] Sonichu. It is becoming increasingly clear that something is dreadfully wrong with Magi-Chan. [[Christian]] must act fast to ensure that he gets the [[Rocky Shoemaker|help]] he needs.

==Outside of the comics==
Magi-Chan is one of the more popular characters with the trolls due to his arguably homosexual tendencies. As such he is mentioned in Chris's [[Mailbag|Mailbags]] quite frequently. This has caused a few new facts about the character to surface, notably that [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|he is aware of any sex act]] that happens to occur within [[CWCville]] city limit and inform Chris if it doesn't fit his [[Homos|puritanical ideals]]. That's not creepy or anything.

==Evidence that Magi-Chan is a [[Homos|homo]]==
*"Chan" is an affectionate term used to address girls in Japan.
*The only girl he's remotely interested in is the [[Silvana|chick with the dick]].
*According to [[Mailbag 31|Mailbag 31]], Magi-Chan uses his psychic powers to actually go ''looking'' for people having gay sex.
*He's fucking purple.
*He teleported for Wild but refused to teleport for his friends in general.
*Chris made him.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|Magi-Chan is too cool to smile.
Image:Magichan scowling.jpg
Image:Magichan bubble.jpg
Image:281-MagiChan.jpg|THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE
Image:MagiChanFarts.JPG|Magi-chan hard at work.
Image:280-YuMagi.jpg
Image:Magichanmausterbate.jpg‎|[[Mailbag 31|Magi-Chan Sonichu is watching you masturbate.]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Kel

2010-02-21T12:28:29Z

Parapluie: /* Backstory */

[[Image:Kel.jpg|right|thumb||Kel, we hardly knew ye.]]
'''Kel''' (full name '''Kellie Felix'''<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu</ref>) is [[Rosechu]]'s original trainer. Kel was only seen in [[Issue 0]], but she was briefly mentioned by Rosechu in [[Sonichu 7]].
If you have any information pertaining to her current status and location, please contact your local [[Jerkops|police department]]. It is believed that she is loosely based off Chris's IRL gal-pal [[Kellie Andes]]. This is furthered by a short update to the CWCipedia where he calls her "Kellie" instead of Kel.

Of note, she is the closest Chris has gotten to an original creation in the Sonichu canon. Although likely inspired by Kellie Andes, she does not resemble her physically or in personality.

==Backstory==

According to the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu Rosechu biography page] on the [[CWCipedia]], Kel gotten the Pichu who would become Rosechu from [[Cole Smithy|Professor Cole]] due to her being the last one there. This is a ripoff of the first meeting between Pokemon anime protagonist Ash Ketchum and his 1st Pokemon Pikachu. Unlike Ash and Pikachu, Kel and Pichu hit it off quite nicely.

Her initial Pokemon catches include a Dratini, Ponyta, Lapras, Chansey and Geodude. It is said that Pichu evolved into Pikachu and she used a Thudnerstone to turn it into a Raichu. She was taking a break in her cottage on the day [[Sonichu 0|the Raichu became Rosechu]]. She tried to tell Professor Oak, but he suggested telling Cole, but he was on vacation.

When Rosechu met Sonichu, Kel took both of them to Professor Cole to examine them. After doing so, she also met Chris and battled him in a Pokemon Gym Battle, defeating him as well(!!). When Rosechu wanted to stay with Sonichu, Kel relented and allowed her to stay.

Kel would resume her travels, using a Manectric to replace Rosechu, but it is said that she still calls for Rosechu when need be. Her [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:KelHallOfFame.jpg Pokémon Championship Hall of Fame picture], awarded at the as-of-yet-untold-of end of her quest, shows Rosechu instead of Manectric.

==In the Comic==
As stated in issue 0 Kel is Rosechu's caring [[Pokémon]] trainer. Not much else about her is known.

Kel is one of the only trainers in the comic, the other being [[Naitsirhc]], who no longer uses his Pokémon. She owns a Dragonite and briefly a (presumably female) Raichu until the [[rainbow]] turned it into [[Rosechu]]. Rosechu then maxed out Kel's credit cards and promptly ditched her to live with [[Sonichu]]. Chris has revealed that Kel released Rosechu to be with Sonichu, and that she is currently in "Trainer's College". On [[February 2010]] Chis wrote details about Kel's roster, revealing that she owned David (Dragonite), Ashley (Rapidash), Tiffany (Lapras), Lauren (Golem), Stephanie (Blissey).

It should be noted that after the first comic, Kel was almost completely written out by Chris. This is made even more perplexing when one considers that Kel, actually having been the trainer of Rosechu while she was still a Raichu, was not given the chance to use Rosechu as her Pokémon. Chris, who had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of Sonichu and Rosechu in the comic canon, is considered Sonichu's "master" and occasionally called "father" by Sonichu.

===Kel and her men===

Besides Rosechu, Kel was also the owner of [[David the Dragonite|David]], a [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]]. She once tried to offer him to a sad Rosechu to fuck, but when the latter told Kel to fuck David herself, the Pokémon trainer enigmatically replied that "she can't say she didn't try". It's worth noting that David is described as "loyal" and being "[[Duck|too big]]" for Rosechu.

Chris on [[CWCipedia]] elaborated on the fate of Kel, including revealing a short lived romance with [[Naitsirhc]]:<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc</ref>

{{quote|Their first Villainous Encounter was the first Confrontation with Naitsirhc in Episode 3. Naitsirch was young; he was 14-Years Old on that Shopping Day August 8th, 1998. They fought numerously in and around Cwcville. Naitsirch was a healthy straight boy; after a few battles with Kel, Rosechu's Trainer, as an eye-witness sometimes, she started to fall in love with Naitsirhc. After Rosechu and Sonichu departed from Kel's cottage on June 8, 2000. They went their seperate ways. After a number of saving-the-city moments, I offered Sonichu his own house in the suburban area of Cwcville. The date of Completed Construction on the house they still live in today, was on May 27, 2000.

Kel moved on and continued with her Pok'emon Master Journey at age 14. She spent four years from the Journey she started on to Vigorously Train her Pokemon Team: Daisy (Dragonite), Ashley (Rapidash), Tiffany (Lapras), Lauren (Golem), Stephanie (Blissey) and after Rosechu left her party, she called Professor Oak for Larry (her Alakazam) at and around her cottage and Cwcville.}}

It should be noted that this was on the CWCipedia page for Sonichu since, as a [[Women's Rights|woman]], Kel isn't important enough for her own article. Chris may have an article for his [[Son-Chu|fucking car]], but he doesn't even have one for [[Rosechu]]...

In [[Sonichu 10]], its revealed that Chris is attempting to restore [[Reldnahc]] to [[Straight|normal]] through the [[Homos|Straight Vaccine]] because, apparently, Kel misses him. Thus, we see how the manchild attempts to evade responsibility for his [[Mailbag 19#That d*** Hitler|hitleresque]] eugenics ideas, trying to make it sound as if Kel is their initiator. This also shows a bit of how Chris just can't get over women, since Reldnahc is just an [[homos|"evil"]] version of Chris, and Kel is just a "barely existant" version of [[Kellie Andes]], whom Chris was deeply infatuated with. Just like how Chris lives out his [[Lovely Weather|fantasies]] through [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]], so too does he use Reldnahc as a means for letting some version of himself be with one of the [[sweethearts|dozens of women who tolerated Chris]].

==See also:==
*[[Pokémon]]
*[[Rosechu]]
*[[Naitsirhc]]
*[[David the Dragonite]]
*[[Kellie Andes]]

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Rosechu

2010-01-10T12:36:53Z

Parapluie: /* Marriage */

[[Image:Rosechu_Original.jpg|right|thumb||She has a God-given vagina, uterus, and pair of Almighty ovaries.]]
[[Image:Rosedong.jpg|right|thumb||[[BILLY MAYS|BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!]]]]

''This article is about Chris's eponymous female [[fail]] OC. For the general species of female fail OCs, see [[Rosechu (species)]]''

'''Rosechu''' (pronounced "roe-se-chew") is the second electric hedgehog Pokemon created by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian]], and the girlfriend of [[Sonichu]]. As the primary female character in the Sonichu universe, she represents Chris's ideal woman. Rosechu's interests include kissing Sonichu, shopping, gossiping, sucking Sonichu's cock, posting nude photos of herself to the internet to uphold her reputation, and stripping for [[Women's rights]]. Chris will occasionally have Rosechu refer to him as "father" (or more likely "papa"), just like Sonichu, implying the two are caught up in an [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|incestuous affair]].

Rosechu is extremely defensive about rumors that she has a [[pickles|penis]].

==Development==

{{quote|Pink electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original cutie. She is Sonichu’s girlfriend. Even though she can’t run as fast as Sonichu, she still can zap up some power when in danger.|Rosechu's background, [http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm Sonichu's News Dash #2]}}

Christian's primary interests are [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Pokemon]], and [[Sex|scoring]] [[china|pussy]]. Having first created Sonichu, it was inevitable that he would then turn to fashioning a girlfriend for his creation, based predominantly on [[Amy Rose]], with minor elements from [[Raichu]] added. Whereas the Sonic/Amy relationship is deliberately one-sided to create some small sense of drama, Christian prides himself on the fact that Sonichu and Rosechu have absolutely no sexual tension or any complications in their romance at all.

Intentionally or not, the entire Sonichu/Rosechu relationship serves as Christian's model for how he presumes he will interact with his eventual sweetheart. Sonichu's attraction to Rosechu is based entirely on a single wayward glance. He makes no effort to win her affection, and indeed he does not need to as Rosechu falls for him simply because he exists. They are rarely out of one another's sight, and all of their time together is spent kissing, snuggling, or screwing. Christian does not depict Rosechu as an unequal partner in the relationship, but since she has almost no purpose or existence outside of her association with Sonichu the character essentially becomes an [[Fapcup|object]] for Sonichu to periodically [[Semen|come]] inside.

As [[trolls]] discovered Chris's weak spot for fan art of Rosechu with a penis, Christian responded with increasing attempts to prove Rosechu's femininity, drawing her less like the cartoonish Amy Rose and with greater attention to her breasts, hips, legs, panties, and [[China|cameltoe]]. This drive to assert Rosechu's sexuality, along with Chris's inevitable sexual attraction to his own character, probably contributed to Rosechu's increasing prominence in the comics. [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is almost entirely about her, to the point of Rosechu demonstrating powers far superior to her boyfriend.

==Sexism==

{{quote|She is not just a sex object; she is an individual with her own feelings, aspirations and opinions.|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#The incredible vanishing email|explaining how he sees Rosechu as a sex object]]}}

Since Chris knows virtually nothing about actual women, he has no frame of reference for Rosechu's characterization, beyond qualities that make her a perfect mate in his eyes. Beyond her relationship with Sonichu and her defiance of [[4-cent_garbage.com]], Chris can only have Rosechu do stereotypical female activities. She enjoys "shopping" for no other reason than Chris having deemed this as a compulsory feminine quality, as well as having long "girly chats" that can last for hours - as seen with the character of Amy Rose. Despite all of the shopping she does, she always wears the same outfit in public (when she isn't making porn for women's rights).

Her only other hobbies seem to include lounging in fields of flowers, and getting kidnapped and constantly needing her man Sonichu to save her.

==Marriage==
[[Image:AfterTheHoneyMoon.jpg|thumb|right|Rosechu's marriage with Sonichu hasn't been as idyllic as she always imagined...]]
Rosechu married Sonichu in a top secret ceremony at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church on March 17, 2006<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>. Despite living and sleeping together openly, the two lovebirds saw fit to keep their union out of the spotlight by wearing their rings under their gloves. Rosechu quickly set to work fulfilling her sole creator-given biological function (aside from designated sperm-dumpster) as a [[Sonee & Rosey]] factory. As of 2009 the couple have [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three hidden children]], abandoned to their [[Heather Iglesias|put-upon yet attractive hispanic lesbian nanny]]. This is presumably so the grown-ups can continue their important day-jobs of appearing to not be married with children in Chris's comics.

Rosechu "volunteered on her own sound decision to have her tubes tied," <ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#4-Cent_Garbage CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref> which Chris seems to believe is a reversible procedure (it is generally permanent; reversal attempts have varying levels of success). Rosechu does this despite the fact that it would presumably be easier for Sonichu to get a vasectomy and much easier for Sonichu just to wear a damn condom, as both characters have espoused in fake PSAs within the comic. The fact that being sterilized is Rosechu's responsibility rather than her husband's illustrates Chris's self-centered views on masculinity, responsibility, and the woman's role in a marriage. It is unknown if [[Heather Iglesias]] had her tubes tied in solidarity.

==Religion==

She appears to hold [[Chris and religion|Christian beliefs]], reminding Sonichu that instead of [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|using violence]] or [[CWC is Angry|getting angry]] with his foes, he should remember the story of Joseph and "forgive".

Rosechu quickly forgets this lesson, attacking workers in a building only minutes later for daring to imply that she might not be a female. Not very forgiving yourself Rosechu, are we?

She also commits attempted murder shortly afterward, savagely assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] not only for the crime of creating a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|satire website]] about her creator - but for throwing a pickle at her. At this point, Joseph's story of Forgiveness goes straight out the window. Proving her [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] yet again, Rosechu face-rapes Jason and tears his scalp open before electrocuting his head, leaving him convulsing in a pool of blood.

==Campaigner==
Despite the sexism evident, Rosechu is a long-term campaigner for [[Women's rights]].

Rosechu has also been known to complain about the "dumb" child pornography laws <ref>[[Sonichu 7]]</ref>, voicing [[Pedofork|Chris' not-so-subtle wish that they be overturned so he can do fifteen year olds]].

Rosechu, the perfect role model for Chris-Chan's young female audience.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:229-ACRchu.jpg
Image:230-ACRchuBck.jpg
Image:234-RchuCard1.jpg
Image:235-RchuCard2.jpg
Image:236-RchuCard3.jpg
Image:237-YuRosechu.jpg
Image:239-RchuWink.jpg
Image:241-DolledRchu.jpg
Image:242-RosechuStyle.jpg
Image:512-RosechuAtPacSun.JPG|Originally believed to be [[DJ Jamsta]], it turns out this is Rosechu.
Image:A_pickle.jpg|NOT PHOTOSHOPPED!
Image:238-RosechuPose.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[CWCville#Zapbud|Zapbud]], a flower Rosechu lieks.
*[[Pickle]], a vegetable Rosechu is [[Silvana|implied to have]].
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Rosechu

2010-01-10T12:36:34Z

Parapluie: /* Marriage */

[[Image:Rosechu_Original.jpg|right|thumb||She has a God-given vagina, uterus, and pair of Almighty ovaries.]]
[[Image:Rosedong.jpg|right|thumb||[[BILLY MAYS|BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!]]]]

''This article is about Chris's eponymous female [[fail]] OC. For the general species of female fail OCs, see [[Rosechu (species)]]''

'''Rosechu''' (pronounced "roe-se-chew") is the second electric hedgehog Pokemon created by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian]], and the girlfriend of [[Sonichu]]. As the primary female character in the Sonichu universe, she represents Chris's ideal woman. Rosechu's interests include kissing Sonichu, shopping, gossiping, sucking Sonichu's cock, posting nude photos of herself to the internet to uphold her reputation, and stripping for [[Women's rights]]. Chris will occasionally have Rosechu refer to him as "father" (or more likely "papa"), just like Sonichu, implying the two are caught up in an [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|incestuous affair]].

Rosechu is extremely defensive about rumors that she has a [[pickles|penis]].

==Development==

{{quote|Pink electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original cutie. She is Sonichu’s girlfriend. Even though she can’t run as fast as Sonichu, she still can zap up some power when in danger.|Rosechu's background, [http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm Sonichu's News Dash #2]}}

Christian's primary interests are [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Pokemon]], and [[Sex|scoring]] [[china|pussy]]. Having first created Sonichu, it was inevitable that he would then turn to fashioning a girlfriend for his creation, based predominantly on [[Amy Rose]], with minor elements from [[Raichu]] added. Whereas the Sonic/Amy relationship is deliberately one-sided to create some small sense of drama, Christian prides himself on the fact that Sonichu and Rosechu have absolutely no sexual tension or any complications in their romance at all.

Intentionally or not, the entire Sonichu/Rosechu relationship serves as Christian's model for how he presumes he will interact with his eventual sweetheart. Sonichu's attraction to Rosechu is based entirely on a single wayward glance. He makes no effort to win her affection, and indeed he does not need to as Rosechu falls for him simply because he exists. They are rarely out of one another's sight, and all of their time together is spent kissing, snuggling, or screwing. Christian does not depict Rosechu as an unequal partner in the relationship, but since she has almost no purpose or existence outside of her association with Sonichu the character essentially becomes an [[Fapcup|object]] for Sonichu to periodically [[Semen|come]] inside.

As [[trolls]] discovered Chris's weak spot for fan art of Rosechu with a penis, Christian responded with increasing attempts to prove Rosechu's femininity, drawing her less like the cartoonish Amy Rose and with greater attention to her breasts, hips, legs, panties, and [[China|cameltoe]]. This drive to assert Rosechu's sexuality, along with Chris's inevitable sexual attraction to his own character, probably contributed to Rosechu's increasing prominence in the comics. [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is almost entirely about her, to the point of Rosechu demonstrating powers far superior to her boyfriend.

==Sexism==

{{quote|She is not just a sex object; she is an individual with her own feelings, aspirations and opinions.|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#The incredible vanishing email|explaining how he sees Rosechu as a sex object]]}}

Since Chris knows virtually nothing about actual women, he has no frame of reference for Rosechu's characterization, beyond qualities that make her a perfect mate in his eyes. Beyond her relationship with Sonichu and her defiance of [[4-cent_garbage.com]], Chris can only have Rosechu do stereotypical female activities. She enjoys "shopping" for no other reason than Chris having deemed this as a compulsory feminine quality, as well as having long "girly chats" that can last for hours - as seen with the character of Amy Rose. Despite all of the shopping she does, she always wears the same outfit in public (when she isn't making porn for women's rights).

Her only other hobbies seem to include lounging in fields of flowers, and getting kidnapped and constantly needing her man Sonichu to save her.

==Marriage==
[[Image:AfterTheHoneyMoon.jpg|thumb|right|Rosechu's marriage with Sonichu hasn't been as idyllic as she always imagined...]]
Rosechu married Sonichu in a top secret ceremony at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church on March 17, 2006<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>. Despite living and sleeping together openly, the two lovebirds saw fit to keep their union out of the spotlight by wearing their rings under their gloves. Rosechu quickly set to work fulfilling her sole creator-given biological function (aside from designated sperm-dumpster) as a [[Sonee & Rosey]] factory. As of 2009 the couple have [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three hidden children]], abandoned to their [[Heather Iglesias|put-upon yet attractive hispanic lesbian nanny]]. This is presumably so the grown-ups can continue their important day-jobs of appearing to not be married with children in Chris's comics.

Rosechu "volunteered on her own sound decision to have her tubes tied," <ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#4-Cent_Garbage CWCipedia article on Sonich]u</ref> which Chris seems to believe is a reversible procedure (it is generally permanent; reversal attempts have varying levels of success). Rosechu does this despite the fact that it would presumably be easier for Sonichu to get a vasectomy and much easier for Sonichu just to wear a damn condom, as both characters have espoused in fake PSAs within the comic. The fact that being sterilized is Rosechu's responsibility rather than her husband's illustrates Chris's self-centered views on masculinity, responsibility, and the woman's role in a marriage. It is unknown if [[Heather Iglesias]] had her tubes tied in solidarity.

==Religion==

She appears to hold [[Chris and religion|Christian beliefs]], reminding Sonichu that instead of [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|using violence]] or [[CWC is Angry|getting angry]] with his foes, he should remember the story of Joseph and "forgive".

Rosechu quickly forgets this lesson, attacking workers in a building only minutes later for daring to imply that she might not be a female. Not very forgiving yourself Rosechu, are we?

She also commits attempted murder shortly afterward, savagely assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] not only for the crime of creating a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|satire website]] about her creator - but for throwing a pickle at her. At this point, Joseph's story of Forgiveness goes straight out the window. Proving her [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] yet again, Rosechu face-rapes Jason and tears his scalp open before electrocuting his head, leaving him convulsing in a pool of blood.

==Campaigner==
Despite the sexism evident, Rosechu is a long-term campaigner for [[Women's rights]].

Rosechu has also been known to complain about the "dumb" child pornography laws <ref>[[Sonichu 7]]</ref>, voicing [[Pedofork|Chris' not-so-subtle wish that they be overturned so he can do fifteen year olds]].

Rosechu, the perfect role model for Chris-Chan's young female audience.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:229-ACRchu.jpg
Image:230-ACRchuBck.jpg
Image:234-RchuCard1.jpg
Image:235-RchuCard2.jpg
Image:236-RchuCard3.jpg
Image:237-YuRosechu.jpg
Image:239-RchuWink.jpg
Image:241-DolledRchu.jpg
Image:242-RosechuStyle.jpg
Image:512-RosechuAtPacSun.JPG|Originally believed to be [[DJ Jamsta]], it turns out this is Rosechu.
Image:A_pickle.jpg|NOT PHOTOSHOPPED!
Image:238-RosechuPose.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[CWCville#Zapbud|Zapbud]], a flower Rosechu lieks.
*[[Pickle]], a vegetable Rosechu is [[Silvana|implied to have]].
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Rosechu

2010-01-10T12:36:11Z

Parapluie: /* Marriage */

[[Image:Rosechu_Original.jpg|right|thumb||She has a God-given vagina, uterus, and pair of Almighty ovaries.]]
[[Image:Rosedong.jpg|right|thumb||[[BILLY MAYS|BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!]]]]

''This article is about Chris's eponymous female [[fail]] OC. For the general species of female fail OCs, see [[Rosechu (species)]]''

'''Rosechu''' (pronounced "roe-se-chew") is the second electric hedgehog Pokemon created by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian]], and the girlfriend of [[Sonichu]]. As the primary female character in the Sonichu universe, she represents Chris's ideal woman. Rosechu's interests include kissing Sonichu, shopping, gossiping, sucking Sonichu's cock, posting nude photos of herself to the internet to uphold her reputation, and stripping for [[Women's rights]]. Chris will occasionally have Rosechu refer to him as "father" (or more likely "papa"), just like Sonichu, implying the two are caught up in an [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|incestuous affair]].

Rosechu is extremely defensive about rumors that she has a [[pickles|penis]].

==Development==

{{quote|Pink electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original cutie. She is Sonichu’s girlfriend. Even though she can’t run as fast as Sonichu, she still can zap up some power when in danger.|Rosechu's background, [http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm Sonichu's News Dash #2]}}

Christian's primary interests are [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[Pokemon]], and [[Sex|scoring]] [[china|pussy]]. Having first created Sonichu, it was inevitable that he would then turn to fashioning a girlfriend for his creation, based predominantly on [[Amy Rose]], with minor elements from [[Raichu]] added. Whereas the Sonic/Amy relationship is deliberately one-sided to create some small sense of drama, Christian prides himself on the fact that Sonichu and Rosechu have absolutely no sexual tension or any complications in their romance at all.

Intentionally or not, the entire Sonichu/Rosechu relationship serves as Christian's model for how he presumes he will interact with his eventual sweetheart. Sonichu's attraction to Rosechu is based entirely on a single wayward glance. He makes no effort to win her affection, and indeed he does not need to as Rosechu falls for him simply because he exists. They are rarely out of one another's sight, and all of their time together is spent kissing, snuggling, or screwing. Christian does not depict Rosechu as an unequal partner in the relationship, but since she has almost no purpose or existence outside of her association with Sonichu the character essentially becomes an [[Fapcup|object]] for Sonichu to periodically [[Semen|come]] inside.

As [[trolls]] discovered Chris's weak spot for fan art of Rosechu with a penis, Christian responded with increasing attempts to prove Rosechu's femininity, drawing her less like the cartoonish Amy Rose and with greater attention to her breasts, hips, legs, panties, and [[China|cameltoe]]. This drive to assert Rosechu's sexuality, along with Chris's inevitable sexual attraction to his own character, probably contributed to Rosechu's increasing prominence in the comics. [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is almost entirely about her, to the point of Rosechu demonstrating powers far superior to her boyfriend.

==Sexism==

{{quote|She is not just a sex object; she is an individual with her own feelings, aspirations and opinions.|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#The incredible vanishing email|explaining how he sees Rosechu as a sex object]]}}

Since Chris knows virtually nothing about actual women, he has no frame of reference for Rosechu's characterization, beyond qualities that make her a perfect mate in his eyes. Beyond her relationship with Sonichu and her defiance of [[4-cent_garbage.com]], Chris can only have Rosechu do stereotypical female activities. She enjoys "shopping" for no other reason than Chris having deemed this as a compulsory feminine quality, as well as having long "girly chats" that can last for hours - as seen with the character of Amy Rose. Despite all of the shopping she does, she always wears the same outfit in public (when she isn't making porn for women's rights).

Her only other hobbies seem to include lounging in fields of flowers, and getting kidnapped and constantly needing her man Sonichu to save her.

==Marriage==
[[Image:AfterTheHoneyMoon.jpg|thumb|right|Rosechu's marriage with Sonichu hasn't been as idyllic as she always imagined...]]
Rosechu married Sonichu in a top secret ceremony at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church on March 17, 2006<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>. Despite living and sleeping together openly, the two lovebirds saw fit to keep their union out of the spotlight by wearing their rings under their gloves. Rosechu quickly set to work fulfilling her sole creator-given biological function (aside from designated sperm-dumpster) as a [[Sonee & Rosey]] factory. As of 2009 the couple have [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three hidden children]], abandoned to their [[Heather Iglesias|put-upon yet attractive hispanic lesbian nanny]]. This is presumably so the grown-ups can continue their important day-jobs of appearing to not be married with children in Chris's comics.

Rosechu "volunteered on her own sound decision to have her tubes tied," <ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#4-Cent_Garbage CWCipedia article on Sonichu</ref> which Chris seems to believe is a reversible procedure (it is generally permanent; reversal attempts have varying levels of success). Rosechu does this despite the fact that it would presumably be easier for Sonichu to get a vasectomy and much easier for Sonichu just to wear a damn condom, as both characters have espoused in fake PSAs within the comic. The fact that being sterilized is Rosechu's responsibility rather than her husband's illustrates Chris's self-centered views on masculinity, responsibility, and the woman's role in a marriage. It is unknown if [[Heather Iglesias]] had her tubes tied in solidarity.

==Religion==

She appears to hold [[Chris and religion|Christian beliefs]], reminding Sonichu that instead of [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|using violence]] or [[CWC is Angry|getting angry]] with his foes, he should remember the story of Joseph and "forgive".

Rosechu quickly forgets this lesson, attacking workers in a building only minutes later for daring to imply that she might not be a female. Not very forgiving yourself Rosechu, are we?

She also commits attempted murder shortly afterward, savagely assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] not only for the crime of creating a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|satire website]] about her creator - but for throwing a pickle at her. At this point, Joseph's story of Forgiveness goes straight out the window. Proving her [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] yet again, Rosechu face-rapes Jason and tears his scalp open before electrocuting his head, leaving him convulsing in a pool of blood.

==Campaigner==
Despite the sexism evident, Rosechu is a long-term campaigner for [[Women's rights]].

Rosechu has also been known to complain about the "dumb" child pornography laws <ref>[[Sonichu 7]]</ref>, voicing [[Pedofork|Chris' not-so-subtle wish that they be overturned so he can do fifteen year olds]].

Rosechu, the perfect role model for Chris-Chan's young female audience.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:229-ACRchu.jpg
Image:230-ACRchuBck.jpg
Image:234-RchuCard1.jpg
Image:235-RchuCard2.jpg
Image:236-RchuCard3.jpg
Image:237-YuRosechu.jpg
Image:239-RchuWink.jpg
Image:241-DolledRchu.jpg
Image:242-RosechuStyle.jpg
Image:512-RosechuAtPacSun.JPG|Originally believed to be [[DJ Jamsta]], it turns out this is Rosechu.
Image:A_pickle.jpg|NOT PHOTOSHOPPED!
Image:238-RosechuPose.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[CWCville#Zapbud|Zapbud]], a flower Rosechu lieks.
*[[Pickle]], a vegetable Rosechu is [[Silvana|implied to have]].
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]