CWCki - User contributions [en]

Relics of Fail

2015-12-01T23:05:36Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* The Lesser Relics */

{{protip|Have you "discovered" a new Relic of Fail? Make sure it's considered a relic under the [[Talk:Relics of Fail#A Taxonomy of Fail|the Taxonomy of Fail]].}}

The '''Relics of Fail''' are several items that Chris places significant emotional value on. Their status is unknown as of [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the 14 Branchland Court fire]], but Chris did mention rescuing his DSi, so they possibly survived.

==The Major Relics==
[[Image:Chrischan sonichu medal.jpg|thumb|[[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion, Mark 1]]]]

* [[Amnyfest Ring]] - Since the Sonichu medallions were stolen, Chris has claimed this [[Chris and English|mysteriously]]-named high school ring is the TRUE source of his power.
* [[Attraction Sign]] - A relic of days past when Chris had not yet been told by his mother that soliciting using a sign made him look retarded. Many versions existed, [[Mary Lee Walsh|most were destroyed]]. The most recent sight of this to date was at [[Fridays After Five]].
* [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC on TV'' DVD]] - A DVD composed of many home videos among other things, such as his [[Song of Christian]].
* [[Gitar of Fail|Gitar]] - Apparently convinced this counts as a real guitar, Chris is often seen with his beloved ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller in attempts to look cool. It invariably has the opposite effect.
* [[Medallions of Fail|Medallions]] - Hunks of Crayola-brand modeling clay fashioned into the shape of Sonichu's head, among other characters' heads. Once believed by trolls to be the source of his power, they were swiftly corrected, and now Chris shows off his Amnyfest Ring to show that his videos are true and honest. Chris eventually began production selling new medallions on [[eBay]] in [[2014]].
* [[PS3]] - Chris's life upgrade and the biggest drain on his [[Monthly Tugboat]]. Chris is now on to his [[The MovingForward videos|second PS3]].
* [[PSEye]] - The window through which trolls can catch glimpses of Chris and his day-to-day life.
* [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] - The other, more high-quality window to Chris's world.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail|Scrapbook]] - A three-ring binder containing all of Chris's comic pages and other drawings.
* [[Patti Chandler|Patti's corpse and doghouse]] - Chris's beloved dog who is buried in the Chandlers backyard under her doghouse.
* [[Hair|Locks of Chris's hair]] - Probably the only Relic to have been obtained by trolls which actually comes from Chris's own body.
* Gift Basket of Fail - In a [[:File:Virginbreaker.png|private facebook note]], Chris said that he had given a gift basket to the [[Mia Hamm|woman who took his virginity]]. This relic might not actually exist, as some suspect that "gift basket" is actually a [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|payment given to a prostitute]]. Alternatively, some suspect that Chris had [[List of Chris's lies|made up]] the story of how he lost his virginity and that it didn't happen at all.
* [[Un-clit|The Un-clit]] - A piercing on Chris's [[:wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] that was made on 15 September 2014. Chris believes that this piece of metal will be useful to him should he engage in [[:wikipedia:tribadism|tribadism]] with a female.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> It later became infected and tore part of his anal skin, prompting Chris to re-pierce it and then remove it forever.

==The Minor Relics==
[[Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|[[Son-Chu]]]]

* [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' issue]] - A lengthy homemade issue of ''Nintendo Power'', crafted to show Sonic ditching Sega to join [[Nintendo]] and revealing a little bit of what Chris wants in a [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' game.]]
* [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] - An odd-looking creation, though more original than most of his works. Born of [[Pixelblocks]], it is used in the comics to summon his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]].
* [[Pedo-Glasses]] - Have you ever noticed how most [[pedofork|pedophiles]] and rapists in composite sketches wear these kinds of glasses? Yeah, don't think too hard about that.
* [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] - Yet another vessel for Chris's video game obsession. Chris, in typical fashion, has decorated it with images of his flagship character and his own face.
* [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' Poster]] - Chris uses this poster to keep himself [[straight]].
* [[Son-Chu]] - Chris's beaten old station wagon, now nearly two years overdue for an oil change. Has been replaced twice over the years. Also appears in the comic as one of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]].
* [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]] - A bra that Chris wears to keep his [[manboobs]] in check. He believes that everyone will be turned [[Homos|gay]] if they don't wear one, too.
* [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - A short tract produced by Chris and given as a birthday gift to his [[gal-pal]] [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. The document chronicles the lives of its two title characters and the (almost non-existent) relationship they had while depicting them (and several of their friends and family) as Sonichu characters. The tract's current fate is unknown, although it is more than likely to have been thrown away by Sarah shortly after receiving it.
* [[iDea Book Case]] - Invented when Chris found himself having too many iOS products, and needed a place to put his iPhone, a (broken) iPod touch, and another iPod touch seen off-camera.

==The Lesser Relics==
[[Image:TG8.jpg|thumb|[[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]]]]

* [[Anime Wings]] - A pair of women's hairclips that Chris got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]]. For some reason, Chris felt the need to incorporate them into his comic.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail|Belt Buckle]] - Not a very well-known relic, but nonetheless extremely amusing.
* [[Clown Doll]] - A harmless-looking clown doll, significant in that it often bears the brunt of Chris's fury in his many rage videos.
* [[Fapcup]] - A plastic cup used by Chris to collect his [[semen]] for [[recycling]].
* [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|Home]][[Three-Quarter Woman|made CDs]] - Chris has made a life out of burning homemade CDs with his own crappy artwork on it. The first notable one was the birth of everybody's favorite [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. The second notable was a CD supposedly made for his [[sweetheart]] [[Catherine]], but in reality it was [[Chris and his ego|all about him]]. The third notable, ''Songs Between Friends: A CD for Christian & Sarah'', is a mystery one made for [[Sarah Hammer]] on 22 July 2003. Virtually nothing is known about this disc and its track list; its existence and the date in which it was made are attested solely by a [[:File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|drawing]] from Chris's [[Scrapbook]].
* [[Li'l Chris]] - A stuffed bear created at "Create-a-Crear Workshop".
* [[Megatron pistol|Megatron Pistol]] - A toy handgun Chris uses to [[Death threats|threaten]] his most hated [[trolls|foes]].
* [[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]] - A pair of fake breasts often seen in his videos, possibly used as a sign of heterosexual virility and as a [[mass debating]] tool.
* [[Nintendo|Wiimote of Fail]] - Like the PSP and ''Guitar Hero'' controller, this poor Wiimote has been decked out in Sonichu colors and was used in Chris's attempts to get [[Miyamoto]] to make him a video game.
* [[Pocket knife]] - A knife that Chris can't handle at all.
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] - A Poké Ball-shaped pedometer originally packaged with the [[Pokémon|''Pokémon HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']] versions, recolored in the image of one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].
* [[Sex toys]] - Lots and lots of sex toys, including sex dolls, a vibrator, a dildo, a penis pump, a [[Un-clit|strap]] from the dildo, anal beads, penis rings and two Fleshlights.
* [[List of toys|Regular children toys]] - Too many to count; can be seen in Chris's videos and photographs cluttering all over his room. The most notable ones have been listed in this article.
* [[List of Chris's games|Video games]] and their various consoles - Thousands of dollars have been spent on them, some of it right from the [[Monthly Tugboat|pockets of the American taxpayers]]. Chris sold some of those games and consoles to [[Snooky's Pawn Shop]], where they were later obtained by [[Clyde Cash]].

==Artwork of Fail==
* [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] - Even the simple task of drawing a straight line to depict a drinking straw evades Chrissy.

==The Shrines of Fail==
* [[The Wall of Originals]] - A monument to the wastes of time known as Chris's original ''Pokémon'' cards.
* [[Megan Shrine]] - Chris's display of his disturbing obsession with the one [[Megan|girl]] he thought he truly had a chance at, but [[She Came for CWC|never will]].

==The Holy Fails==
{{protip|Procure one of these and drop info about them, and you will be a god amongst men.}}
While not traditional relics in such that Chris has emotional value, per say, these are Chris-related relics that are of immense value to trolls but, like the fabled Holy Grail, seem impossible to obtain.

* [[Autism papers|Autism Papers]] - Presumably papers detailing Chris's exact psychological diagnosis. While a psychiatric survey from [[2004]] has been procured, the original papers documenting Chris's diagnosis are currently locked away in a filing cabinet in [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] room.
* '''Transcripts and Report Cards''' - Chris's transcripts and report cards, to verify whether if he was indeed on [[honor roll]] and to what degree his claims about his high school grades are true.
* '''Recording of Chris's screaming''' - Chris claims that during his time in [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] several members of the school's faculty restrained him to the ground and recorded his screaming.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref> If this recording indeed exists<ref>See the article [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] for reasons to doubt Chris's several accounts of the Greene County incident.</ref> than it is very likely to have been destroyed by now.
* '''The court records from Bob and Barb's lawsuit against the Greene County Public Schools'''
* '''Chris and Barb's mugshots from July 2005 and October 2011'''
* '''Chris's KCWC recording for [[Cole]]'s birthday in July [[2000]]'''
* '''The original cut of Chris's [[Pixelated PS3]] video.'''
* '''The [[Crumple-Lope]]''' - an envelope residing in the Scrapbook of Fail that stored torn-up remnants of Chris's most-regretted drawings. Even after the 14 Branchland Court fire that might've destroyed it, it still remains sought over.

== References ==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Relics of Fail

2015-12-01T23:05:06Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* The Lesser Relics */

{{protip|Have you "discovered" a new Relic of Fail? Make sure it's considered a relic under the [[Talk:Relics of Fail#A Taxonomy of Fail|the Taxonomy of Fail]].}}

The '''Relics of Fail''' are several items that Chris places significant emotional value on. Their status is unknown as of [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the 14 Branchland Court fire]], but Chris did mention rescuing his DSi, so they possibly survived.

==The Major Relics==
[[Image:Chrischan sonichu medal.jpg|thumb|[[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion, Mark 1]]]]

* [[Amnyfest Ring]] - Since the Sonichu medallions were stolen, Chris has claimed this [[Chris and English|mysteriously]]-named high school ring is the TRUE source of his power.
* [[Attraction Sign]] - A relic of days past when Chris had not yet been told by his mother that soliciting using a sign made him look retarded. Many versions existed, [[Mary Lee Walsh|most were destroyed]]. The most recent sight of this to date was at [[Fridays After Five]].
* [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC on TV'' DVD]] - A DVD composed of many home videos among other things, such as his [[Song of Christian]].
* [[Gitar of Fail|Gitar]] - Apparently convinced this counts as a real guitar, Chris is often seen with his beloved ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller in attempts to look cool. It invariably has the opposite effect.
* [[Medallions of Fail|Medallions]] - Hunks of Crayola-brand modeling clay fashioned into the shape of Sonichu's head, among other characters' heads. Once believed by trolls to be the source of his power, they were swiftly corrected, and now Chris shows off his Amnyfest Ring to show that his videos are true and honest. Chris eventually began production selling new medallions on [[eBay]] in [[2014]].
* [[PS3]] - Chris's life upgrade and the biggest drain on his [[Monthly Tugboat]]. Chris is now on to his [[The MovingForward videos|second PS3]].
* [[PSEye]] - The window through which trolls can catch glimpses of Chris and his day-to-day life.
* [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] - The other, more high-quality window to Chris's world.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail|Scrapbook]] - A three-ring binder containing all of Chris's comic pages and other drawings.
* [[Patti Chandler|Patti's corpse and doghouse]] - Chris's beloved dog who is buried in the Chandlers backyard under her doghouse.
* [[Hair|Locks of Chris's hair]] - Probably the only Relic to have been obtained by trolls which actually comes from Chris's own body.
* Gift Basket of Fail - In a [[:File:Virginbreaker.png|private facebook note]], Chris said that he had given a gift basket to the [[Mia Hamm|woman who took his virginity]]. This relic might not actually exist, as some suspect that "gift basket" is actually a [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|payment given to a prostitute]]. Alternatively, some suspect that Chris had [[List of Chris's lies|made up]] the story of how he lost his virginity and that it didn't happen at all.
* [[Un-clit|The Un-clit]] - A piercing on Chris's [[:wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] that was made on 15 September 2014. Chris believes that this piece of metal will be useful to him should he engage in [[:wikipedia:tribadism|tribadism]] with a female.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> It later became infected and tore part of his anal skin, prompting Chris to re-pierce it and then remove it forever.

==The Minor Relics==
[[Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|[[Son-Chu]]]]

* [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' issue]] - A lengthy homemade issue of ''Nintendo Power'', crafted to show Sonic ditching Sega to join [[Nintendo]] and revealing a little bit of what Chris wants in a [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' game.]]
* [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] - An odd-looking creation, though more original than most of his works. Born of [[Pixelblocks]], it is used in the comics to summon his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]].
* [[Pedo-Glasses]] - Have you ever noticed how most [[pedofork|pedophiles]] and rapists in composite sketches wear these kinds of glasses? Yeah, don't think too hard about that.
* [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] - Yet another vessel for Chris's video game obsession. Chris, in typical fashion, has decorated it with images of his flagship character and his own face.
* [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' Poster]] - Chris uses this poster to keep himself [[straight]].
* [[Son-Chu]] - Chris's beaten old station wagon, now nearly two years overdue for an oil change. Has been replaced twice over the years. Also appears in the comic as one of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]].
* [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]] - A bra that Chris wears to keep his [[manboobs]] in check. He believes that everyone will be turned [[Homos|gay]] if they don't wear one, too.
* [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - A short tract produced by Chris and given as a birthday gift to his [[gal-pal]] [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. The document chronicles the lives of its two title characters and the (almost non-existent) relationship they had while depicting them (and several of their friends and family) as Sonichu characters. The tract's current fate is unknown, although it is more than likely to have been thrown away by Sarah shortly after receiving it.
* [[iDea Book Case]] - Invented when Chris found himself having too many iOS products, and needed a place to put his iPhone, a (broken) iPod touch, and another iPod touch seen off-camera.

==The Lesser Relics==
[[Image:TG8.jpg|thumb|[[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]]]]

* [[Anime Wings]] - A pair of women's hairclips that Chris got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]]. For some reason, Chris felt the need to incorporate them into his comic.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail|Belt Buckle]] - Not a very well-known relic, but nonetheless extremely amusing.
* [[Clown Doll]] - A harmless-looking clown doll, significant in that it often bears the brunt of Chris's fury in his many rage videos.
* [[Fapcup]] - A plastic cup used by Chris to collect his [[semen]] for [[recycling]].
* [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|Home]][[Three-Quarter Woman|made CDs]] - Chris has made a life out of burning homemade CDs with his own crappy artwork on it. The first notable one was the birth of everybody's favorite [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. The second notable was a CD supposedly made for his [[sweetheart]] [[Catherine]], but in reality it was[[Chris and his ego|all about him]]. The third notable, ''Songs Between Friends: A CD for Christian & Sarah'', is a mystery one made for [[Sarah Hammer]] on 22 July 2003. Virtually nothing is known about this disc and its track list; its existence and the date in which it was made are attested solely by a [[:File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|drawing]] from Chris's [[Scrapbook]].
* [[Li'l Chris]] - A stuffed bear created at "Create-a-Crear Workshop".
* [[Megatron pistol|Megatron Pistol]] - A toy handgun Chris uses to [[Death threats|threaten]] his most hated [[trolls|foes]].
* [[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]] - A pair of fake breasts often seen in his videos, possibly used as a sign of heterosexual virility and as a [[mass debating]] tool.
* [[Nintendo|Wiimote of Fail]] - Like the PSP and ''Guitar Hero'' controller, this poor Wiimote has been decked out in Sonichu colors and was used in Chris's attempts to get [[Miyamoto]] to make him a video game.
* [[Pocket knife]] - A knife that Chris can't handle at all.
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] - A Poké Ball-shaped pedometer originally packaged with the [[Pokémon|''Pokémon HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']] versions, recolored in the image of one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].
* [[Sex toys]] - Lots and lots of sex toys, including sex dolls, a vibrator, a dildo, a penis pump, a [[Un-clit|strap]] from the dildo, anal beads, penis rings and two Fleshlights.
* [[List of toys|Regular children toys]] - Too many to count; can be seen in Chris's videos and photographs cluttering all over his room. The most notable ones have been listed in this article.
* [[List of Chris's games|Video games]] and their various consoles - Thousands of dollars have been spent on them, some of it right from the [[Monthly Tugboat|pockets of the American taxpayers]]. Chris sold some of those games and consoles to [[Snooky's Pawn Shop]], where they were later obtained by [[Clyde Cash]].

==Artwork of Fail==
* [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] - Even the simple task of drawing a straight line to depict a drinking straw evades Chrissy.

==The Shrines of Fail==
* [[The Wall of Originals]] - A monument to the wastes of time known as Chris's original ''Pokémon'' cards.
* [[Megan Shrine]] - Chris's display of his disturbing obsession with the one [[Megan|girl]] he thought he truly had a chance at, but [[She Came for CWC|never will]].

==The Holy Fails==
{{protip|Procure one of these and drop info about them, and you will be a god amongst men.}}
While not traditional relics in such that Chris has emotional value, per say, these are Chris-related relics that are of immense value to trolls but, like the fabled Holy Grail, seem impossible to obtain.

* [[Autism papers|Autism Papers]] - Presumably papers detailing Chris's exact psychological diagnosis. While a psychiatric survey from [[2004]] has been procured, the original papers documenting Chris's diagnosis are currently locked away in a filing cabinet in [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] room.
* '''Transcripts and Report Cards''' - Chris's transcripts and report cards, to verify whether if he was indeed on [[honor roll]] and to what degree his claims about his high school grades are true.
* '''Recording of Chris's screaming''' - Chris claims that during his time in [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] several members of the school's faculty restrained him to the ground and recorded his screaming.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref> If this recording indeed exists<ref>See the article [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] for reasons to doubt Chris's several accounts of the Greene County incident.</ref> than it is very likely to have been destroyed by now.
* '''The court records from Bob and Barb's lawsuit against the Greene County Public Schools'''
* '''Chris and Barb's mugshots from July 2005 and October 2011'''
* '''Chris's KCWC recording for [[Cole]]'s birthday in July [[2000]]'''
* '''The original cut of Chris's [[Pixelated PS3]] video.'''
* '''The [[Crumple-Lope]]''' - an envelope residing in the Scrapbook of Fail that stored torn-up remnants of Chris's most-regretted drawings. Even after the 14 Branchland Court fire that might've destroyed it, it still remains sought over.

== References ==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

November 2015

2015-11-28T07:49:10Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:CWCnov15.jpg|thumb|Chris in November.]]

[[File:S&rchuparis.jpg|thumb|The post in question.]]

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]]. This month also marks Chris's full transition back to his [[2007|old self]], as seen in the numerous videos he releases. However, this might have been contributed to [[William Elliott Waterman|Waterman's]] antics, who has just joined the KiwiFarms Forums and has been forcing Chris to look at certain stuff or post Facebook posts. Fortunately, Chris booted him off later this month.

==Events==
* 1 November - Chris uploads to [[YouTube]] one of the creepiest [[videos]] since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began, "[[HelloLadyFans]]."
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]]: "Pre-2011 Christian Weston Chandler," "Post-2011 Christine Weston Chandler," and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on [[Facebook]], and adds a photo request both there and on YouTube.
* 10 November - A plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[Minor_Family_Members#David_Chandler| David Alan Chandler]], and [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] to "remember" his family, "Family Needs to appreciate Family", is uploaded to Youtube. He makes a request for them to contact Barb "before her time runs out".
* 10 November - Chris makes three custom [[Jerkop]] amiibos that resemble the three family members above. They are uploaded to Facebook and are tagged with their names.
* 11 November - Chris uploads "Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!" to YouTube. He films himself playing with his Amiibos. He also provides a link on Facebook, advertising his Amiibos.
* 11 November - A picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] dating back to [[June 2015|June]] found on Bing Maps is leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 12 November - "[[Donation Options Reviewed.]]" is uploaded to Youtube. This is one of his longest videos, where he explains the functions of his amiibos.
* 15 November - Chris makes a tactful post on Facebook about the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, comparing them to battles between heroes and villains in cartoons. The post in question is also a shining example of how no matter what happens, [[Ego| Chris simply can't resist putting Sonichu and Rosechu into everything he does.]]
* 15 November - Chris states that Youtube's CwcvilleGuardian account is owned by him, despite no allegations to the contrary and the utter obviousness of this being the case.
* 16 November - A timely post directed at [[Alec Benson Leary]] is placed on Facebook, stating that ''Sonichu'' is, was, and always will be in ownership of Chris.
* 18 November - Chris attempts to dox somebody for the first time in ages. This time, the target is one "Francine", who is currently making a fanmade [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_Adult_Chronicles#_CWC_Adult_Chronicles|fangame]] about Chris much to his displeasure. Having [[Hypocrisy|sneered at her for being transgendered,]] it seems that his transformation back into his old self is almost complete... [[Death_threats|with one thing missing.]]
* 24 November - Chris gets a new cat, [[Pollo]].
* 24 November - Chris rants about the [[trolls]] on Facebook.
* 26 November - Thanksgiving Day.
* 27 November - Black Friday, and the start of the [[Christmas]] retail season in America. Chris promised on the 15th that he would provide some deals on his products for this date.

{{Timeline}}

November 2015

2015-11-28T07:48:30Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:CWCnov15.jpg|thumb|Chris in November.]]

[[File:S&rchuparis.jpg|thumb|The post in question.]]

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]]. This month also marks Chris's full transition back to his [[2007|old self]], as seen in the numerous videos he releases. However, this might have been contributed to [[William Elliot Waterman|Waterman's]] antics, who has just joined the KiwiFarms Forums and has been forcing Chris to look at certain stuff or post Facebook posts. Fortunately, Chris booted him off later this month.

==Events==
* 1 November - Chris uploads to [[YouTube]] one of the creepiest [[videos]] since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began, "[[HelloLadyFans]]."
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]]: "Pre-2011 Christian Weston Chandler," "Post-2011 Christine Weston Chandler," and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on [[Facebook]], and adds a photo request both there and on YouTube.
* 10 November - A plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[Minor_Family_Members#David_Chandler| David Alan Chandler]], and [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] to "remember" his family, "Family Needs to appreciate Family", is uploaded to Youtube. He makes a request for them to contact Barb "before her time runs out".
* 10 November - Chris makes three custom [[Jerkop]] amiibos that resemble the three family members above. They are uploaded to Facebook and are tagged with their names.
* 11 November - Chris uploads "Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!" to YouTube. He films himself playing with his Amiibos. He also provides a link on Facebook, advertising his Amiibos.
* 11 November - A picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] dating back to [[June 2015|June]] found on Bing Maps is leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 12 November - "[[Donation Options Reviewed.]]" is uploaded to Youtube. This is one of his longest videos, where he explains the functions of his amiibos.
* 15 November - Chris makes a tactful post on Facebook about the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, comparing them to battles between heroes and villains in cartoons. The post in question is also a shining example of how no matter what happens, [[Ego| Chris simply can't resist putting Sonichu and Rosechu into everything he does.]]
* 15 November - Chris states that Youtube's CwcvilleGuardian account is owned by him, despite no allegations to the contrary and the utter obviousness of this being the case.
* 16 November - A timely post directed at [[Alec Benson Leary]] is placed on Facebook, stating that ''Sonichu'' is, was, and always will be in ownership of Chris.
* 18 November - Chris attempts to dox somebody for the first time in ages. This time, the target is one "Francine", who is currently making a fanmade [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_Adult_Chronicles#_CWC_Adult_Chronicles|fangame]] about Chris much to his displeasure. Having [[Hypocrisy|sneered at her for being transgendered,]] it seems that his transformation back into his old self is almost complete... [[Death_threats|with one thing missing.]]
* 24 November - Chris gets a new cat, [[Pollo]].
* 24 November - Chris rants about the [[trolls]] on Facebook.
* 26 November - Thanksgiving Day.
* 27 November - Black Friday, and the start of the [[Christmas]] retail season in America. Chris promised on the 15th that he would provide some deals on his products for this date.

{{Timeline}}

CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers

2015-11-03T03:09:57Z

PerhapsGlowing:

'''CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers''' is a name to a trilogy of videos posted on 10 [[July 2009]] by [[Chris]] for three individuals: ShmionSonozaki, sonichuizcool and [[BILLY MAYS|oxycleanfanatic2264]]. Their accounts were already closed when the videos were posted.

Deemed "too hot for [[YouTube]]" for Chris's very blunt and inflammatory rhetoric (wherein he called individuals [[retard]]s and told them to [[Death threats|go kill themselves]]), it led to his account getting immediately gannon-banned. Luckily, a brave patriot discovered them when they were new and mirrored them, allowing them to then be archived by the [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] for great justice. Each video begins with Chris holding up a piece of paper with the user's name written on it and playing the same recorded disclaimer in the background.

Ironically, Chris called the users "[[naïve]]" and revealed his particular disdain for this word calling it "the most cruelest of words", and then he proceeded to butcher its definition by saying it meant being stupid. [[PVCC (message board)|Some people]] have speculated that he might've been [[Alcohol|slightly intoxicated]] when making the videos.

It was eventually revealed that oxycleanfanatic was in fact, Samantha Thaddeus, daughter of [[Jack Thaddeus]], who was assisting her father in holding Chris's PSN hostage. She called Chris out on this video in the [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]].

The video addressed to sonichuizcool served as a huge killer of remorse from the trolls, due to him insulting a mentally ill person who was genuinely fond of his works.

==CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Q706T7B_kGs}}
| stardate = 10 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Alcohol|Slightly Drunk]]}}
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 7 July 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool]]
}}
===Transcript===
[''The screen shows a piece of paper with the name ‘ShmionSonozaki’ written on it in felt tip pen.'']

The following is addressed to this individual, whose YouTube account is this only. The opinions and if--feelings and emotions expressed in this video are not...res--are not representative towards any persons other than this one. Thank you very much.

[''camera cut to Chris''] Hello! Hmm...you hide under a veil. I don’t know, are you a pretty woman? Or are you a...or are ya hide a beard underneath that veil? Or do you hide that beard? Perhaps you are actually a dude, or even worse, a [[Silvana|hermaphrodite]]. You know what, you gettin' not much of response from me, because, you even deleted your own account! You are such a cowardly, naïve, retarded, individual. Naïve is the cruelest of words, cause it questions one's intelbi--intelligence. And that’s why I’m calling you...you naïve retard.

[''jump cut''] And also, I know you live...in Pennsylvania!

==CWC Calls Out==
===True fan===
Sonichuizcool was an English [[slow-in-the-mind]] [[Pokémon]] fan who, along with [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt]], was one of two people to ever genuinely like [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]. It is still unknown to this day why Chris chose to target a literally [[TRUE and HONEST]] fan of his works.

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = True fan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yyZPrvYvyM4}}
| stardate = 10 [[June 2009]]
| maker = sonichuizcool
| type = }}

===CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool===
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M18KOTd6LWs}}
| stardate = 10 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Alcohol|Slightly Drunk]]}}
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki|CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki]]
| next = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264|CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''The paper this time reads 'sonichuizcool'. The same disclaimer from the first video is heard, then a camera cut to Chris.'']

Hmm... I don’t know. You seem to hide behind a face mask, and a beanie. Who do you think you are? [[Sailor Moon|Tuxedo Kamen]]? Ah! You’re so naïve and slow in the mind. I couldn’t even give a dang about you. And if you want my trust, you’re gonna have to do some earning, ''then'' you’re gonna have to come out and into the open. You gotta come out where I can meet you. Ehh? Ehh?

Dumbass.

===Vidio Reply To Christian Weston Chandler Maker of Sonichu Comics===
Sonichuizcool replied 3 days later. Hilariously, she 1-ups Chris in this video, parodying his index card introduction and referencing the destruction of his Sonichu medallion (albeit unintentionally) by chopping up her own. She (like so many others) calls him out on his bad behavior, and states that because of it, he had lost the only true fan he ever had at the time. Despite that, she still felt pity towards Chris and even offers some good advice, which speaks volumes about her virtue of forgiveness and Chris' sin of being a total douche.

Chris never replied to this video, meaning that he was owned by the type of person he seems to dislike.

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Vidio Reply To Christian Weston Chandler Maker of Sonichu Comics
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kaBOHkXHVXU}}
| stardate = 13 [[July 2009]]
| maker = sonichuizcool
| subject =
| type = }}

===Transcript===

'''Sonichuizcool:''' So. This is a reply to Christian Chandler, who made the video where he called me names, including "dumbass". I-I'm recording this again, because the sound was very bad. ''(brings out a piece of paper with 'Christian Weston Chandler' written on it, and peers under it at the camera)'' So...this is for the maker of the Sonichu ''(pronounces it 'Soniku')'' comics whose name is this and this only.

It was very mean of you to say all that [[Death Threats|nasty stuff]] to people, and what about it come to you? I have not tried to get your trust or [[Speech_Impediment|whatever you said]] on your video, but the only thing I've shown is a true fan of Sonichu and yourself for a very long time and you called me names! I have done lots to sort out the trolls who were hating you, and I have argued for you when those nasty guys said bad stuff about you. I thought that you were truly a good guy.

Well, now, you have lost a good fan, and I might even be one of your best fans you ever had. I have now [[Sonichu_medallion#Mark_1_.28and_decoy.29|chopped up my Sonichu medallion]] because I think you are an idiot, and I am not a Sonichu fan anymore.

Anyway, [[A_near_public_apology|apology accepted]], and I do see the vids you made. You have a lot of people to apologize to, who you have said so much bad stuff to people who have not done anything to you. I-I'm not one of your "fanbase" anymore, but, I still think you are okay. A lot of bad stuff has happened to you, and I'm not blaming you, as you have a lot of hate from nasty people, and [[Chris and Anger|that gets you all mad]], yeah. I think you should concentrate more on comics, and less, um, [[YouTube]], as there are a lot of bad people on YouTube, which is why I wear a disguise. I actually made a lot of vids without this mask before. I started wearing this. Y'know, I think it was cool, too.

Anyway, an update on my comic, second page is done, and posted the two pages online. The address is on my YouTube.

Anyway, from the beanie-masked YouTuber who is now known as GX, or G Extreme, after my comics. Bye, bye, bye, that's all for now! Gene of X.

==CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264
| video = {{#ev:youtube|PVDZzxMWNaA}}
| stardate = 10 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Alcohol|Slightly Drunk]]}}
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool]]
| next = [[A near public apology]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''The index card this time reads 'oxycleanfanatic2264', with a mostly illegible message below it reading 'not a YouTube handle, but...something. The intro from before is played, before we cut to Chris.'']

[[CWC_"Boyfriend"|Hey! You!]] I know you. I have your name! You live in Sacramento, California. I have a detective on the case, and I am going to send him against you as soon as possible. Which that would be in the next few days, or tomorrow when I can get in touch with him. And I ''will'' get in touch with him. And you think you’re ''so'' smart and you think you’re '''so''' corny by doing the things that you have done so far, Mr. '''''Hacker!''''' You think you’re so smart? Well, you know what? You're just a naïve retard! And naïve is my least favorite word because it ''sounds'' like nails on a chalkboard. You naïve retarded bastard! You should just go ha--you should just go...hang yourself, after you have given me back what you have stolen from me. Do it '''''NOW, GIVE 'EM BACK TO ME!''''' Or I will send the detective and the police on your case. You bastard, you- naïve retarded bastard.

[''jump cut''] And not only that, but you are such a coward, you dare not even show your face like others have done, partially, on their YouTube videos. You are such a cowardly naïve retarded '''bastard'''!

[''jump cut''] That’s right. I’m calling you out!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 7 July 2009]]|nextlink=[[A near public apology]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos with RAGE]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-10]]

2015

2015-10-28T00:55:10Z

PerhapsGlowing:

[[File:MyMindIsABlank.jpg|thumb|Chris's self-portrait, 2015.]]
{{Ongoing}}

'''2015''' is the 7th year of organized trolling since [[Chris]]'s discovery. Coming full circle with the unfortunate incident of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] burning down [[2014|last year]], Chris announced that the renovations on it were finished, and that he would be moving back in. Most of this year was based on what happened on [[26 December 2014]] when Chris thought it would be a good idea to mace a Gamestop employee while he was vandalizing shit at a Gamestop he was already banned from all because of [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic's blue arms.]] and chris constantly having to go to court until October 15th where he unfortunately did not earn a single day in jail (most likely due to his [[autism]]) only receiving a hardly punish worthy $541 for court fees and a 180 day probation. (what his probation prohibits him from exactly is unclear, all we know is that if he breaks it he will go to jail.) Whether this all taught Chris a lesson or not will soon be determined.

'''2015''' is also the year where Chris' fashion sense plummeted to depths unseen by the trolls, making him more akin to a [[Barb|crazy old hag]] than [[Tomgirl|the woman he wants to be]]. In particular (and in a [[Sonic Boom Protests|very ironic twist]]) Chris dyed his hair blue in July. It remains to be seen whether there are any plans to protest this move by glitterbombing [[14 Branchland Court]].

==Events of 2015==
*Chris narrowly avoided serving time in jail [[26 December 2014|due to his recent incarceration]] Most of this year is based on whether Chris would be jailed or not.
*Sometime during the course of the year, Chris will have been married to [[Lovely Weather]] and participated in a medical study to cure [[Homos|homosexuality]], as predicted in [[Sonichu 10]]. With much of the year already over and little sign of [[Chris and reality|this actually happening]], it's safe to say that Chris's expectations of the future may have lead him on a bit too much.
*This is also the year that Chris claimed [[Bob Chandler|his father]] would die, having heard it from the Grim Reaper in a prophetic [[dream]].
*This was also supposed to be the year of the [[Manchester High School]] 15th annual reunion which he had worked so hard on in [[2013]] until he found out his [[gal-pals]] had been hired help. It is unknown whether it will be held or whether Chris will care.
*On 20 October 2015, Activision will relaunch the ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' series with ''Guitar Hero Live''.

[[File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|thumb|Chris in January 2015.]]

==January==
{{main|January 2015}}
*Chris moved back into his [[house]] with his [[mom]].

[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris in February 2015.]]

==February==
{{main|February 2015}}
*Chris revealed that he did the album art for noise band L'Eclipse Nue. His hearing took place on the 5th, and was continued until April. He sold more [[medallion]]s on [[eBay]] and [[Birthday|turned 33]].

==March==
{{main|March 2015}}
*Chris has released a list of celebrities he'd like to party with and became spectacularly gullible when a fake document was sent to him stating that Sega will recall all Sonic merchandise to give him blue arms permanently.

[[File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|thumb|Chris at [[McDonald's]] in April 2015.]]

==April==
{{main|April 2015}}
*Chris's second latest hearing took place on April 2. Later that month, he created his own [[Sonichu Amiibo]] and sold them on [[Ebay]].

[[File:Chris may 2015.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in May 2015]]

==May==
{{main|May 2015}}
*Chris's latest hearing took place on 7 May. Some [[Facebook]] comments from [[Kim Wilson]] indicate that Chris might be undergoing hormone replacement.

==June==
[[File:Burlesque1.jpg|thumb|Chris touching probably his first girl ever since the prostitute incident in June 2014]]
{{main|June 2015}}
*Chris overreacts to [[Sonic Boom]] getting a sequel. Chris's next hearing took place on 11 June. He also visited a burlesque night.

==July==
[[File:Bluehair3.jpg|thumb|Chris in July 2015]]
{{main|July 2015}}
* 3 July saw Chris getting his third Facebook account being taken down and immediately put back up.

==August==
[[File:OmegaconD.jpg|thumb|left|Chris turning heads at [[OmegaCon]], August 2015]]
{{Main|August 2015}}
Chris visited [[OmegaCon]].
==September ==
{{Main|September 2015}}
Chris added new ''Sonichu'' pages for the first time in 5 years, continuing [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]].

==October ==
{{Main|October 2015}}
Chris's final court case happens in this month. his punishment being a $541 court fee and a 180 day probation.

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and brand loyalty

2015-10-19T05:41:55Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|You gotta have merchandise because it's like a wedding ring for the product. And it makes it- and then the fans will- will continue to support you as long as you have the merchandise a- it's like a wedding ring. |[[Download For Play Only|Chris, making his thoughts on branding as clear as he can.]]}}
[[Image:Chris Love Micky D's.png|thumb|I'm LOVIN' it.]]
'''Brand loyalty''' is a consumer's commitment to repeatedly purchasing a product or service from a particular company or business. Companies use advertising, loyalty programs, product placement and contests to establish a brand which consumers will recognize, consider valuable, and seek out at the expense of other brands. Due to his difficulty separating [[Chris and reality|reality and fiction]] Chris tends to consider advertisements to be [[Axe|literal documentation of a product's effectiveness]] rather than intrinsically biased attempts to lure consumers and as a result of his sense of entitlement he views [[Chris and contests|winning randomized contests]] as a validation of his self worth. These qualities, in combination with his [[Autism|rigid thinking, fear of change and attraction to routine]], has led Chris to have intense brand loyalty for certain products as well as hatred for their perceived rivals. His loyalty even extends to areas that would not normally be considered "brands," such as mental disabilities and sexual orientations.

==Overview==
{{Quote|Oil of [[Wikipedia: Olay|Olay]] brand bar soap... Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good... I just used it to wash my hands! And I use it in the shower! To [[Mass debating|wash myself vigorously]]! I certainly do not use any animals, my own [[Semen|jizz]], or anything else other than Oil of Olay brand bars of soap. And Axe body wash. And shampoo, and conditioner. Available in anti-dandruff form! But anyway, Oil of Olay. Softer, smoother skin in a week, and makes you very clean. Have a nice day!|[[Anti Troll Movement Video1|Chris, promoting hygiene products without irony.]]}}
[[Image:Rubi 110309.jpg|thumb|right|Chris considered this an appropriate reward for drinking thousands of cans of Coke.]]
Chris considers his choice of brands to be a major component of his identity. In general, once Chris has committed to a particular "brand" he will stand by it regardless of its quality. He considers those who abandon a brand in favor of a competitor, such as [[Sonichu]] fans who became fans of [[Asperchu]], to be "hypocrites." Chris seems to consider being a consumer of a particular brand as something like a relationship - at one point clumsily attempting to use a mangled quote from the video game ''[[Brutal Legend]]'' to explain this strange belief, saying that merchandise was like a wedding ring and that as long as there was branded merchandise available, fans should stay loyal<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>.

As Chris's allegiance to brands plays such an important role in defining Chris's personal understanding of his identity, he feels highly threatened when either his favorite brands or his loyalty to them are called into question. Many of Chris's most notorious outbursts are a direct result of this insecurity. While this was the basis for much of Chris's internet trolling, it apparently dates back into Chris's early life when school bullies, in a form of proto-trolling, would tell him that Sonic the Hedgehog was dead in order to get a rise out of him.<ref>some Jackie chat</ref>

Chris is highly susceptible to marketing and branding; he feels strong loyalty to brands even, and perhaps especially, if they are essentially identical to their rivals. He is drawn to virtually every attempt at generating brand loyalty, compulsively entering any contest he encounters and fastidiously collecting various loyalty points, including [[My Coke Rewards]] and [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''McDonald's Monopoly'']].

[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|left|[[Chris and copyright|Free advertising]].]]
Chris seems to struggle to understand the economics of advertisements, instead seeing them as positive features in the media he enjoys. He happily included his own versions of advertisements and product placement for real brands in his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]] and nearly every issue of [[Sonichu]]; he seemed genuinely surprised that Coke, for example, wouldn't want one of his fake Coke ads - "hand-drawn charm" notwithstanding - on the [[CWCipedia]]. He also frequently states that his videos are sponsored or "brought to you by" various companies with which he has no business relationship and uses his own variation of marketing speak to plug their products. <ref>[[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]</ref> Likewise he often attempts to promote his favorite brands by parroting their advertising language, a habit he has had since at least high school. <ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

He is a vigorous defender of his favored brands in unusual ways, warning his readers not to purchase pirated versions of [[Little Big Planet]] (a PS3 exclusive title) for Xbox 360, despite the fact that this is impossible.

{{clear}}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==
{{quote|HERO OF MY LIFE|[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Chris, describing Sonic]}}
[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|A match made in heaven?]]
Sonic is the quintessential example of Chris's intense brand loyalty. Chris is, in many ways, the product of Sega's attempt to allow people to feel a personal connection with electronic appliances. Following Mario's success for Nintendo, Sonic was designed to appeal to young children and act as a mascot for Sega. He was concocted by combining elements from other popular cultural elements of the early 1990s, including Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Santa Claus. Part of Sega's strategy was to employ a multi-pronged marketing technique, including video games, television shows, toys and contests. Chris followed all of these closely and in a fateful moment became the winner of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]], which cemented Sonic's place of honor in Chris's mind. Sonic became Chris's "lifelong hero," replacing his previous "lifelong hero" [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|The American Rabbit]] (despite Sonic's much greater grip on his life, Chris has often felt compelled to mention the American Rabbit, as if out of some obligation). While Sonic was certainly a popular franchise, particularly in the 1990s, Chris became obsessed with the hedgehog to a level likely unanticipated by Sega. During the 1990s Sonic occupied nearly all of his thinking, serving as a fantasy world in which he could escape from the realities of daily life. Chris would generally combine Sonic with whatever he was doing, whether it was replacing the characters in Goosebumps books with Sonic characters or combining [[Bionic|Sonic with basketball to form the recolor "Bionic]]." Over the past two decades Chris has purchased nearly every Sonic-branded game, toy, and bit of merchandise, and seems to view Sonic as something like an old personal friend.

Instead of growing up and moving on when the Sonic brand began to grow stale at the end of the 1990s, Chris merged Sonic with his other beloved franchise at the time, [[Pokémon]], to create [[Sonichu]], who has largely replaced Sonic as the primary character in his internal fantasy world - although Sonic still makes occasional cameo appearances.

Despite Sonic's sidekick Tails' major presence in Sonic media, Chris rarely refers to him and conspicuously left him, or any recolor of him or two-tailed anything, absent from ''Sonichu.'' Some have speculated that this may be due to popular schoolyard rumors that conjectured that Sonic and Tails were in a homosexual relationship. Chris's notorious [[homos|homophobia]] may have caused him to have an aversion to a character that he imagined might have tempted Sonic from "the straight path."

Although Mario and Nintendo were vicious rivals of Sonic and Sega, Chris seems to have been largely oblivious to this tension ([[Chris and hypocrisy|or simply didn't care because he liked both brands]]) and never subjected them to the kind of hatred he would aim at rivals of his favored products later in his life.

Chris appears to worship Sonic ''the character'' more than Sonic ''the brand'', as he would be easily teased at school when other students said that Sonic was dead<ref>[[Jackie Chat 9|Jackie Chat #9]]</ref>, and believed that YouTuber "hotdiggedydemon" had murderous intent against the [[Chris and reality|fictional character]] in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF9CS3L_ezw Sonic: Too Fast?] and insisted [[List of Christian's comments on YouTube#Sonic: Too Fast?|that Sonic was alive]]. Chris's almost religious dedication to Sonic reached a surprising limit when he [[26 December 2014|vandalized products and assaulted staff]] over a superficial change to Sonic, [[Sonic Boom|the color of his arms]].

==[[PS3|Playstation 3]] vs. [[HEXBox]]==
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is never the answer.]]
[[Image:cwcps3_by_nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|right]]
{{quote|Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call My Digital Home. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|[[PS3 History Level|Chris expressing TRUE and HONEST love.]]}}
Perhaps Chris's best known case of brand loyalty is his sycophantic love of the [[PS3|Sony PlayStation 3]] and abject hatred for the [[HEXBox|Microsoft XBox 360]]. While fanboyism for these video game consoles is certainly well known and the rivalry between these products was referred to as a "console war," Chris, as he frequently does, took it to a new level, irrationally hating the Xbox 360 and heaping love and money on Sony. Chris was obsessed with the PS3 long before he was able to purchase one, stating that he would throw out the cure for autism for the $600 hunk of black plastic <ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref>. When he finally bought a PS3, after failing to [[Pixelated PS3|win it in a contest]], he considered it to be the "ultimate life upgrade." The PS3 and its online component the [[PSN]], where he has spent thousands of dollars, became an extremely important part of every day for Chris. He would also use his limited budget to purchase numerous Sony branded accessories, including a flat-screen TV, a [[PSEye]], PSmove, PSmove Sharpshooter and multiple [[Guitar Hero]] controllers. Chris seems to find more pleasure in the purchasing of PS3 content than in its actual use. He frequently buys downloadable content for games he does not own. Chris seems to consider the PS3 and its games and accessories to be a genuine life improvement or something akin to investments rather than a glorified hugbox; how these electronic gizmos do anything but distract him from reality remains unclear. Chris went to great lengths to express his distaste for the PS3's primary rival: the Xbox 360, or "HEXbox" as he liked to call it. When Chris would propose a video game such as [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]], he would make sure to state that it would be for all consoles... HEXbox excepted. Chris went as far as defacing in-store advertisements for the Xbox while yelling "kick that hex-bawx" <ref>August 2010</ref> and frequently lashing out at those who appeared to like or be affiliated with the Xbox.

Chris's reasons for hating the Xbox 360 have never been clearly defined. When pressed for answers, Chris would generally cite Xbox Live's (Xbox's online component) cost or the infamous "[[Wikipedia:Red_ring_of_death#.22General_Hardware_Failure.22_errors|red ring of death]]" <ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref>. He would later admit that his anger stemmed from jealousy over being unable to afford an original Xbox and that the aforementioned reasons were merely excuses<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>. Though he later softened his stance against the Xbox under the influence of [[Jackie]], the rivalry between the consoles and Chris's loyalty towards Sony was at its peak during the height of Chris trolling. This caused his hatred to become well known and the Xbox 360 to become a bit of a mascot for trolls. Chris also associated the Xbox with trolls, depicting [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as an Xbox user. Even though he has recanted much of his hatred towards the XBox 360, he has not made the choice to purchase one, despite spending the vast majority of his money on video games.

Ironically, Chris once felt similar hatred towards the PlayStation 1 and 2, which were at that time rivals to his beloved Nintendo 64 and GameCube respectively. His hatred for Sony and its gaming products, described by Chris as equal to his contemporary hatred of Microsoft, evaporated when he purchased a PlayStation 1 at an SPCA rummage sale for a "bargain." He intended to sell it for profit, but instead played it and found it to be enjoyable. Instead of learning from this, discovering that rival consoles can be equally enjoyable, Chris simply became a [[Sony]] fanboy (in addition to a [[Nintendo]] fanboy) and began hating Microsoft.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==[[Autism]] vs. [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]]==
{{quote|Competing Retards|[[Mailbag 19|The first words that comes to Chris's mind when he thinks of Asperger's syndrome]]}}
Chris extends his loyalty to brands far outside the normal realms of products and services and into the world of mental abnormality. He is extremely loyal to his diagnosis of autism, swearing by "my autism" multiple times and considering it to be an integral part of his identity, despite having serious difficulty grasping how the condition affects his ability to function. Just as with the PS3 and Xbox 360, Chris has identified a rival to autism in Asperger's syndrome. This is a classic case of Chris's propensity to choose one "brand" over another despite the fact that they are identical; Chris's "high-functioning" autism and Asperger's are essentially the same diagnoses. Chris feels that people with Asperger's are trying to "steal his limelight" and in fact stated that the name of the disorder, beyond merely sounding like "a bad cut of meat," brought to mind "competing retards." He seems to believe that people with Asperger's syndrome are somehow faking their symptoms.

Chris's loyalty to autism and insistence on believing it to be different from Asperger's syndrome, forces him to ignore any kind of reason. Initially his unusual feelings on the matter were unknown and he was able to blissfully hold onto his ignorance unopposed, but when they were discovered and the outside world pushed him on the issue he displayed a stunning slide towards the grossly irrational. Initially when confronted by "fans" in the [[mailbag]], Chris claimed, while pointing to the Wikipedia articles on the topic, that the two were differentiated by the age of onset (which is complete nonsense), but quickly decided that his "mind was closed" to the matter and refused to answer any more questions on the topic. When pushed further by [[Vivian G]], Chris went as far as to say that he was willing "[[Chris and reality|live this lie than believe that truth]]."

==[[Harry Potter]] vs. [[Pokémon]]==

[[Image:100-DarkCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Chris expressing his hatred for "that spaz" the only way he knows how... in Pokemon form.]]
{{quote|He dared compete against Pok'emon, PLUS he is a total Spaz, and I just do not care for him at all.|[[Mailbag 7|Chris]]}}
Although this is not seen as a traditional rivalry by the rest of world, Chris has a strong dislike of the boy wizard Harry Potter because he perceives him to be a threat to the Pokemon franchise. Chris calls him a "[[slow-in-the-minds|total spaz]]"<ref>[[Mailbag 7|Mailbag #7]]</ref> and at one point even [[Death threats|''threatened to kill'']] [[Chris and reality|the fictional character]].<ref>[[:File:100-DarkCWC.jpg|"Dark Christian" card]] from [[Wall of Originals]].</ref> His hatred appears to stem from Chris's perception that a brand was once again "stealing the limelight" from something he identified with, in this case Pokémon. While Pokemon was aimed at younger children, Harry Potter targeted a slightly older, more literate demographic. To Chris, the choice was obvious.

In later years Chris softened his stance on Harry Potter and at the request of [[Jackie]], he [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|dressed up as a wizard and made reference to Harry Potter]].

==[[Nintendo]]==
{{quote|Listen People of Nintendo, DURING MY LIFETIME, my family and I have [[Chris and money|invested]] THOUSANDS of American Dollars and Cents in Nintendo Video Games and Systems from NES and Game Boy to Gamecube/Wii and DS/GBA.|[[Miyamoto_Saga#Chris's Inspiration|Chris, expecting his loyalty to Nintendo to be repaid.]]}}
Chris has been a lifelong fan of Nintendo products, and although his love of Sonic prevented him from becoming obsessed with Mario, Chris has owned nearly every Nintendo console and handheld since the NES (there have been no signs of the infamous Virtual Boy). His relationship with Nintendo and his interactions with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], who he believed was interested in producing a Sonichu game, displays Chris's odd understanding of consumer/corporate relations. It appears that Chris believed that his loyalty to various corporate interests would be recognized and returned in a reciprocal fashion, as he listed his multitude of Nintendo purchases in an attempt to convince the game developer to work with him<ref>Miyamoto emails</ref>.

==Sexuality==
{{quote|I am straight; do not label me otherwise. I would rather suffer a painful [[Tomgirl|gender-change operation]] than ever be a [[homo]].|[[Sonichu #9|Chris demonstrating proper use of a semicolon.]]}}
{{quote|Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, [[Virgin#No_longer_a_virgin_.28no_word_on_the_rage.29|THE FIRST TIME]], and maybe the second time as well, [[Mia Hamm|I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN]], I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.|[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)|Chris discussing his plans for his first time with his webmaster.]]}}
Chris's allegiance to heterosexuality and hatred for homosexuality could be seen as a form of warped brand loyalty. To Chris, heterosexual love is the most pure joyous expression of emotion that can be experienced, the search for which is the noblest of quests. Its opposite- homosexual love- on the other hand, is a warped dangerous temptation and those who practice it are worthy of scorn. Chris has even forgone platonic same-sex friendships in an effort to avoid any possibility that he might associate with and be tempted by a homosexual. Just as with his hatred for the XBox, Chris is completely closed minded when it comes to evaluating homosexuality; to him it is the enemy and the mere thought of it makes him blind with rage. Despite his efforts at finding heterosexual love, Chris seems more concerned with insuring that he is properly labeled as a STRAIGHT man. His efforts to prove to the world that he is in fact not a homo include going as far as planning to record and publicize his first heterosexual experience against the wishes of his hypothetical partner. Whether Chris's hatred for homosexuality stems from jealousy, as it did with his hatred for the XBox, is unknown.

The origin of this loyalty can be traced back to his childhood: [[Bob Chandler]], being a not-so-nice Southern gentleman, not only disliked homosexuals in the traditional bigoted manner, but suffered from frequent paranoid delusions regarding their role in his life. When Chris ran into trouble at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] Bob blamed the problems not only on the principal (who he was certain was a homosexual), but on the school board which, for reasons left unclear, he believed to be stacked with homosexuals who despised his family. Even the incredibly [[naive]] Christian was capable of seeing that this was, at the very least, an exaggeration, if not a paranoid persecution fantasy<ref>Chris, on IRC, circa 21 January 2009.</ref>. Nevertheless this kind of hatred and paranoia sunk into Chris's mind and was compounded by Bob's unfounded and bizarre belief that Chris's trolling originated with several homosexuals who he believed frequented [[the GAMe PLACe]].

Chris's feelings on lesbianism are more nuanced. While he still feels the Biblical injunction against same-sex coupling applies, scissoring is just too hot for him to condemn.

==[[Axe]]==
{{quote|I respectfully and humbly request that on the package a statement li—such as "DESIGNED ONLY FOR STRAIGHT ORIENTED MEN"|[[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|Chris]]}}
Chris's loyalty to this multinational deodorant brand (called Lynx in the UK) is a classic example of Chris taking advertising literally. Early commercials for the deodorant depicted women throwing themselves at men in a manner reminiscent of Chris's desire for women to approach him in public. Rather than seeing this as hyperbole, Chris seems to believe that the product may have this effect in reality. Obviously Axe has never worked as advertised for Chris, but he has maintained his status as a loyal customer for many years.

Axe is also an example of how Chris considers the products he buys an integral component of his identity. As a loyal Axe customer, he was deeply disturbed when he was told that Axe was popular in the gay community, and he felt the need to use [[Youtube]] to [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|request that the Unilever Corporation]] use labels to specifically forbid homosexuals from using their products.

==[[McDonald's]] vs. [[Burger King]]==
{{quote|Tea for a dollar, in a Large Cup, at McDonalds; go Dollar-Menuaires!|[[IRC (24 October 2008)|Chris, plugging his favorite restaurant to the trolls.]]}}
[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and cinematography|An example of Chris's brilliant camerawork]].]]
Chris is a lifelong acolyte of McDonald's and thus dislikes its main competitor, Burger King. McDonald's is a major component of Chris's life. He eats a significant percentage of his meals at the popular fast-food restaurant, considers it the perfect location for a first date, and features it as a location in several issues of Sonichu. One of his most cherished and sickening fantasies involves having sex with his sweetheart in the handicapped bathroom of the local McDonald's. Chris has little love for Burger King, although he certainly never mentioned refusing to eat the food when dragged there by his father, who preferred it to McDonald's (Bob and Chris apparently did have some dispute about coupons with the manager of their local Burger King, resulting in Chris's bizarre attempt to get his trolls to troll her by creating an article on the CWCki). Chris has never mentioned having any strong positive or negative feelings toward the Wendy's chain before his brief stint as an employee, and seems not to hold animosity toward the chain as a whole despite being fired from his local store after three days.

Some time in 2012 Chris seems to have turned on McDonald's, urging people to avoid the Forest Lakes location as he believes he has been discriminated against due to his autism and foul mouth. But in [[2013]], he plugged it on [[Facebook]]: ''Eat Healthy with Premium McWraps, Apple Slices and Tea.'' (Note that McWraps contain up to 620 calories, and the tea 220. And even the apple slices have been found to be [http://jezebel.com/5934390/mcdonaldss-apple-slices-recalled-because-theyre-crawling-with-disease crawling with ''Listeria''].)

==Coke and Pepsi==
Surprisingly, Chris does not appear to have a specific long-term loyalty in this classic example of a nonexistent choice. He has been known to drink both, but claims that Sonichu drinks only [[CWC Cola]], a variant of Pepsi with a [[Semen|special ingredient]]. At one point he supported a boycott of Pepsi due to its alleged "gay-friendliness." He has been known to hoard My Coke Rewards points; in the Ivy Q&A, Ivy describes his becoming miffed at having to use his points to buy a different version of a song he already owned to fulfill Ivy's request for a video. One might think that a few points are a trifling thing when sweet, sweet [[china]] is the potential reward, but then one probably isn't Chris.
==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

October 2015

2015-10-17T05:10:15Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Events */

{{Ongoing}}

'''October''' is the 10th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It marked the first court date for the [[26 December 2014]] incident since [[July 2015]]. Those who expected another continuance were left surprised when this turned out to be the real deal--Chris was found guilty, and was let off with a fine of $541 and a suspension sentence of 180 days (the sentence of which will only be carried out if Chris gets in trouble with the law again during the probation period). Local [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwi Farmers]] also reported that Chris's ban from the [[Fashion Square Mall]] was lifted (except for the bans put into effect by the businesses at the mall, so he is still banned from [[GameStop]]).

==Events==
* 1 October - [[Barb]] celebrates her 74th birthday.
* 2 October - Chris claims victory in the [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|blue arms]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|debacle]], due to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] being his non-blue-armed form in ''[[Nintendo|Mario]] & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games''. He says this is the final update for the group, but [[Omar Woodley|only time will tell]] if he's [[List of Chris's lies|telling the truth]].
* 4 October - Chris announces that he plans on selling [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibo]] based on his personification of [[autism]].
* 4 October - Chris' comments get him banned from an Amiibo Facebook group.
* 8 October - A full list of Sonichu Amiibo is published on Facebook, as well a statement claiming that these may be the last ever produced.
* 9 October - [[Slaweel Ryam]], [[Count Graduon]], and [[Jerkop]] grunts are confirmed to be immortalized in Amiibo form.
* 9 October - A [[fan]] shouts at Chris from a passing car, causing him to flip him off and gain mental [[stress]].
* 13 October - Chris uploads [[Super Smash Bros. Videos|five videos]] of himself playing ''[[Nintendo|Super Smash Bros.]]'' for [[Wii]] U, showcasing his custom Miis.
* 15 October - Chris's sixth court date. He winds up guilty for the GameStop incident, and was fined $541 and let off with a 180-day probation. Chris's ban from the Fashion Square Mall itself was also lifted. Unfortunately he doesn't get a single day in jail.
* 15 October - Chris creates a prototype of his Autism Amiibo and posts about it on Facebook.
* 31 October - [[Halloween]].

{{Timeline}}

Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)

2015-09-05T20:43:09Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Gallery */

:''This article is about Chris's imaginary twin sister. For Chris's imaginary future daughter, see [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]].''
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Crystal.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Crystal Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of creation'''
| 22 June [[Sonichu chronology#2005|2005]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human
|-
| '''Transforms into'''
| Crystalina Rosechu
|-
|}

'''Crystal Weston Chandler''' is the fictional twin sister of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Her role in his fantasy world stems from his long-held desire to have a sibling to play with<ref>Mentioned in his [[Song of Christian]] video: "hoping" for a "lil brother."</ref> along with some narcissistic pleasure and [[Tomgirl Pictures|gender identity issues]] with seeing himself as an [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|attractive female]]. Crystal represents one of the more embarrassing facets of Chris's mind. Since his notions of the perfect girlfriend, the perfect sister, the perfect daughter, and the perfect female self so easily intersect, it is hard ''not'' to arrive at a conclusion involving [[incest]].

[[Image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|thumb|left|Notice how the "girlfriend" in this pic looks like a crude version of Crystal, even down to the shirt. Freud would have a fucking field day with Chris.]]

He appears to have first created the character in 2004 as "Crystal the Female Twin" for his set of custom ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, although another of those cards depicts Crystal as "Girlfriend's Gift". In fiction, Crystal wears a [[Rosechu]] [[medallion]] correlating to Chris's [[Sonichu]] medallion and [[Reldnahc]]'s [[Black Sonichu]] medallion; this is inconsistent (or is it?) with Chris's usual theme of Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake representing the hero, lover, and villain. In real life, Chris created the Rosechu medallion for his future girlfriend, which raises the question of how he expected to adapt this into the comics when his sister was running around wearing the same bauble as his fiancée.
[[File:Crys.PNG|thumb|Note the careful attention he paid to drawing his sister's boobs.]]
Crystal's origin is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 5]], where she is made manifest by Chris employing his [[anchuent powers]] and [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to split into two ([[pickle|nearly]]) identical beings. Chris and Crystal wear the same [[Chris and fashion|outfits]] and even have the same super powers, although she lacks her brother's [[heterochromia]]. Throughout her appearances in the comics, characters are constantly noting how attractive she (and, by extension, Chris) is.

In [[2007]], Chris attempted to shock [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] into submission by posting his own [[Rule 34]] drawings, including one of himself [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|fingerbanging a nude brunette woman]]. ED users immediately concluded this was Crystal, a charge which infuriated Chris and therefore became the conventional wisdom. By the time Chris successfully convinced anyone that it was really [[Megan Schroeder]] in the drawing, the notion that Chris wants to bang his imaginary twin sister had already stuck--and, as this article demonstrates, would've arisen anyway. Nonetheless, Megan stopped being friends with him because of the whole business, so Chris lost on both counts.

The theme of incestuous narcissism is also prevalent in literature of the Romantic period, particularly that of Lord Byron, who apparently acted on Chris's fantasy. The theory is that the man in question is so much [[Chris and his ego|in love with himself]] that the only other person he could ever truly love is his double. Furthermore, with the Romantic emphasis on sympathy through [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares|shared experience]], great nostalgia for [[Chris's room|childhood]], and desire to be "[[Love Quest|understood]]" (though complete disinterest in [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails|understanding]]) make a sibling an ideal sexual partner for the narcissist. Most of the Romantics saw the problem with this, and contented themselves with [[Sarah Hammer|childhood friends]], but then, Chris was never as smart as Wordsworth.

A possible early appearance is in the [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]] ([[1998]]) where Christian's kart passes something labelled "'''CRYSTLE'''" (the video quality is too low to see anything) and Chris shouts "Hi!" at it/her.
{{-}}

==In the comic==
[[Image:Crystalina_Rosechu.jpg|right|thumb|Crystal's anthropomorphic form, Crystalina Rosechu. Also the only Sailor Soldier to wear sneakers.]]

Crystal was first introduced in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Sub-Episode 4]], where she appeared to aid Chris during a battle with the [[W-M-Manajerk]] in the [[Mal-Wart]] Region. Beaten and nearly subdued, Chris had a vision of his Cherokian ancestor. He revealed to Chris that his [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] is able to summon his "dream sibling". Crystal has also helped Chris battle [[Bagget]] and the [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder in the [[Get-Tar Region]], as well as [[Mary Lee Walsh]] at the [[PVCC]].

Crystal was trapped in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] by Mary Lee Walsh and [[Count Graduon]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]. In an attempt to save Chris and [[Sailor Megtune]] from falling victim to the Mirror, she pushed them both out of the way, becoming captive in the Mirror herself. After her capture, a few token mentions have been made of her plight - at one point, it was said that gathering the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] would allow Crystal to escape the mirror - but for the most part she was largely forgotten, especially while Christian himself was stuck in the practically identical [[Time Void]].

Since Chris is ejecting everyone he created from his [[sweetheart search]] misadventures, the final fate of Crystal Weston Chandler seemed quite grim. Then, partway through [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris suddenly turned into [[Collosal Chan]] and rescued her by simply [[Sonichu Special 4|walking in]], [[I AM STRONG|scooping her up]] in his arms and walking out of the mirror in the most [[Chris and writing|anti-climactic way]]. Chris originally planned that he would hand over mayoral power to his sister at the end of this issue, but for [[Chris and his Ego|some reason]] decided not to.<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>

Being Chris's twin, Crystal's powers are very similar to his. She can transform into a Rosechu called Crystalina Rosechu. When she and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] join together, they are able to form Chris-Chan Pure and execute a powerful ultimate attack known as [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]].

Personality-wise, Crystal is a female character in ''Sonichu''. Naturally, this means she's a bland, stereotypical girl, who [[Women's rights|over-indulges in girly stuff]] such as shopping and perfume. Her fashion sense is similar to her twin brother; she wears the same clown shirts and has a Rosechu medallion. Crystal has an odd quirk where she constantly refers to Chris as "Christopher" instead of "Christian", the reasoning for which probably exists in Chris' head but has never been elucidated.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:152-YuCrystal.jpg
Image:CrystalSquirtle.png|Crystal joins the [[Moon-Pals]].
File:Collosalcrystalina.png|Crystal+Sonichu balls or something.
File:Crystal 001.jpg|Chris's most prominent thoughts on this matter.
Image:CrystalHawt.jpg|Artist's depiction.
</gallery></center>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu76_wphCp8 CWC Sketch- Crystal]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Crystal Weston}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Chris and Spanish

2015-08-31T03:53:14Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Chris's "knowledge" of the language */

[[File:397-RicardoBadge.jpg|thumb|right|The badge don't lie.]]

'''[[Wikipedia:Spanish|Spanish]]''' is an Indo-European language spoken by over 350,000,000 people worldwide, one of whom is [[Chris]]. He often uses Spanish in his videos and comics, as it was one of the few things that he learned at [[Manchester High School]], [[Honor roll|however poorly]]. He often refers to himself by his Spanish name, '''Ricardo'''.

Chris is proud of his tenuous grasp of the Spanish language, but this has not prevented [[Chris and race|racism]] against [[Joshua Martinez|Hispanics]], creating a stereotypical [[Heather Iglesias|babysitter in his comics]] and a highly stereotypical sombrero-wearing Pokémon called [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]], who "confuses its enemies with its language." Of note is that Chris has apparently learned the Castilian dialect of Spanish, unlike the Cuban that is taught in Florida or the Mexican that is taught in the southernmost states, as noted by his use of European terms like ''ascensor'' for "elevator" (instead of ''elevador''), his use of pesetas for currency instead of pesos, as well as his pronouncing "W" as ''doble V'' instead of ''doble U''.

==Chris's "knowledge" of the language==
Chris's actual grasp of the language must be inferred from various sources. At [[Manchester High School]], Chris took two years (4 semesters) of Spanish.
The [[Manchester_High_Leaks#Spanish|Manchester High Leaks]] indicate that Chris had a basic grasp of Spanish Level 1 and possibly 2. His exact grades aren't known, but they were likely to be average. On [[Okcupid]], Chris claimed to speak Spanish, and wrote a large section of his profile in it (which was riddled with mistakes). He also states that he speaks Spanish on his [[resume]] (but mentions that he has only taken 2 years). He also has written some [[Sonichu]] comic pages in Spanish. Chris seems confident in his Spanish, despite plentiful evidence suggesting his grasp of it is feeble - he frequently makes mistakes of grammar and tense, and only employs the most basic of verb conjugations.

[[Image:Axe en español.jpg|thumb|right|229px|An improved version of the infamous [[Axe]] ad, made by a real Spanish speaker.]]

In Chris's [[CWC_Update_29_July_2009|July 29, 2009 video]] to our [[Liquid Chris|TRUE and HONEST hero]], he displays his grasp on Spanish, although basic for the majority. It can be safely assumed he used online Spanish dictionaries for words he did not know. Another video involving Spanish is [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]] (a weird 1337[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leet]) Spanish title), in which he says "Love [[Sonichu]] and hate [[Asperchu]]" backwards in Spanish. In another display of his Spanish, his old Spanish assignment to create a [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|hotel]] was released online. This assignment is mostly just basic Spanish and not very advanced.

==Ricardo Weston Chandler==
'''Ricardo Weston Chandler''' is Chris's Spanish alter-ego. Presumably named in honor of [[Wikipedia:Ricky Ricardo|Ricky Ricardo]], a main character in ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of Chris's favorite TV shows. This is a "Spanish name" Chris chose for Spanish class (a general practice in language classes where students will take a name in the language they're learning in order to "get into" the culture and language). Of course, while most people forget about this when they've left the course (or in some cases, even the teachers abandon the practice shortly into the course), Chris has adopted "Ricardo" as his actual Spanish name and uses it for his Spanish-related endeavors.

He is oblivious to the fact that in most European languages, people do not change their name when using a different language, but instead use the language's native form of the name, or transliterate it to fit the language's orthography. While Christian is actually a rather common name in Hispanic countries, if it were translated, his full name would be "Cristóbal Cristian Weston Velero" (alternatively, his middle name could be rendered "Huestón", as Spanish uses W only with loanwords). Of course it must be noted that Ricardo's linguistic skills have brought us gems such as [[noviophobia]] (from the Spanish ''novio'', "boyfriend"). It should also be noted that Ricardo is the Spanish and Portuguese version of the name "Richard", which is sometimes shortened to [[duck|"Dick"]].

==Works in which CWC uses Spanish==
[[File:Sonichu 4 caratula by amalockh1-d2yi4v6.jpg|right|thumb|What would likely happen if Chris tried to exercise his skills in a Spanish-speaking country.]]
*[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]
*[[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
*[[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]]
*[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]
*"[[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]"
*"[[Valentines Day Hymn]]"
*His leaked [[Manchester High Leaks#Spanish|Manchester High School homework]]
*[[Mumble_2#Chris.27s_fail-riffic_Spanish|Mumble 2]]
*[[OkCupid]]
*[[SingStar_Challenge#Transcript|SingStar Challenge]]
*[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]
*[[Sonichu_Girls#The_letter_in_Spanish|Chris's letters to the Sonichu Girls]]
*[[:File:396-PokePizzaria.jpg|El Café de Pokémon Pizzaria]] [sic]
*[[:File:052-LindaRonstadtIn.jpg|Christian's Favorite Hits: Los [sic] Canciónes [sic] Españolas de Ricardo]]
*[[Katie Bay E-mails 3|Chris's e-mails with Katie Bay]]
*[[Facebook messages|Facebook message to Christina]]
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWC_Speaks CWC Speaks], an article on [[CWCipedia]] where he [[ego|brags about his fluency]] in the language.

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]
*[[Heather Iglesias]], a [[homos|lesbian]] nanny who works for [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]

{{Chris and}}

August 2015 Facebook Posts

2015-08-27T01:26:12Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* New Comics? */

{{Ongoing}}
{{Needs Updating}}

This page covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page in [[August 2015]].

==Summary==
==Chris's Posts==
===Much More Medallions===
{{quotebox|1 August 2015
Alright Everyone: Twenty More [[Medallions]] Listed and Available at the usual flat $30 (25 + 5) each! Ship default medals as early as Monday, August 3rd; Custom Orders accepted and take less than two weeks to make. Thank you for your patronage.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/191650037013?}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] wrote:

{{quoteboxgreen|I thought you sold the last one already.}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|That listing was put up over two weeks ago, and those medals were made before then.}}

===I'm On The Edge Of My Seat===
{{quotebox|11 August 2015
[[File:BlakeTeaser.jpg|thumb|150px]]
A New Sonichu enters the distribution set! Find out who Wednesday or Thurday of this week!}}

===Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians===
{{quotebox|11 August 2015
Also, check out this One-of-a-kind [[Cole Smithey|‪#‎JCS]]‬ personal postcard to [[Barbara Chandler|our mother]] from his ‪#‎ColeBlooded‬ band days in [[1994]]! Brother, please come back and let your family meet Your Family.

‪#‎Joseph‬ ‪#‎Cole‬ ‪#‎Smithey‬ ‪#‎JosephColeSmithey‬ ‪#‎ColeSmithey‬ ‪#‎MovieReview‬ ‪#‎Brian‬ ‪#‎Vouglas‬ ‪#‎BrianVouglas‬ ‪#‎Graham‬ ‪#‎Parker‬ ‪#‎GrahamParker‬
http://www.colesmithey.com
[[File:ColePostcardA.jpg|thumb|left|300px]]
[[File:ColePostcardB.jpg|thumb|right|200px]]}}

Cole's postcard, postmarked 9 July 1994, is addressed only to "Barbara" at "46 Branchland Ct.," which is not the actual address of Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|home]]. It reads:

{{quoteboxred|A PICTURE'S WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS BUT I'M WORTH A MILLION IN PRIZES. HOPE ALL IS WELL...

I'LL BE DOIN' 21 SONGS

LOVE & KISSES

Cole}}

===Introducing the Blake Amiibo===
{{quotebox|12 August 2015
[[File:8-12FacebookB.jpg|thumb|300px|right]]
New! [[Blake]] [[Sonichu Amiibo]] Figures available This Month in limited quantity! Ten are Available for swift shipment Worldwide!

Also, Two Medallions are still available on the other listing (see earlier post below).}}

A fan asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|What are they made out of?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|Same materials as the Sonichu Amiibo: plastic, model magic, acrylic paints, krazy glue; the difference is the Character, And the chip in the base is different too.}}

Later that day Chris edited this post to include:

{{quotebox|Let me remind everyone what makes Blake not only Cool, but one of the good Bad People Gone Good. Scroll downward and read three of my [[Sonichu (comic)|books]] that feature him at a worst then at his better.}}

He then shared the albums of Sonichu issues [[Sonichu 1|1]], [[Sonichu 3|3]] and [[Sonichu 8|8]]. Sonichu issues 0-8 had been available to read on Facebook since [[2013]], but he took this opportunity to draw attention to them.

===Wearing His Anxieties On His Sleeve===
"Lizzy the Lezzy," one of Chris's favorite Facebook people, posted an image with the comment, "ha!"
[[File:8-12FacebookA.jpg|thumb|left|200px]]
{{clear}}
Chris didn't get it:

{{quotebox|12 August 2015
I am a [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|lesbian transwoman]]; I feel offended and confused by the quote in the image.}}

===Chris is a Pegasister...Or Is He?===
The page "Derpy Hooves and Friends - Friendship is Muffins" posted the following:

{{quoteboxgreen|
Lets see who wins! -Button Mash
[[File:Pegasisters.jpg|thumb|200px]]}}

In other words, like if you're a girl, comment if you're a boy. In a perfect symbolization of his gender confusion, Chris commented:

{{quotebox|14 August 2015
I am a damn proud Pegasister! Finally! A word for us actual Woman and Girl Fans of [[My Little Pony|MLP]]! Bronies can bow down to us, the Pegasisters!}}

Understandably, someone replied:

{{quoteboxred|Then why did you comment?}}

===Tantalizing Incentives===
Three days after the issue, not a single Blake Amiibo had sold.

{{quotebox|15 August 2015
Bonus: All of the Blake Sonichu Amiibo Figures have been leveled up to 50, and each have a random assortment of items and money for Super Smash Bros for Wii U and [[3DS]]!

And, this time around, with each purchase, I will include an [[Autographed Photos|autographed photo]] of myself (the one in my Facebook Profile photo without the [[rainbow]] filter!

So, Buy Today, because of Blake, there will Only, Officially, until a much later date, be this Limited Number of figures available for purchase! Do Not Miss Out!}}

===Refusing To Face Reality===
Chris only sold two of the Blake Amiibo in the allotted week, so he was forced to relist.

{{quotebox|19 August 2015
Hey! Eight Blake Sonichu figures left! Come on up and buy one for yourself today. Maximum Smash Bros Level; maximum random items on them. Will include Autographed Photo of myself with each one (my profile photo without the rainbow filter).

Figure of an anti-hero, and villain turned good! Collect all of the personally made and certified Figures to make a complete Sonichu Main Cast Set in months to come, counting this one!}}

===Good Blood===
Chris linked to a sorority recruitment [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KudwS5U9ouA&feature=youtu.be video] and wrote:

{{quotebox|22 August 2015
Hey! New Freshman, and to-be Grads! Be sure to study very good in your semesters at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|College]], [[Manchester High School|High School]] and all the other schools! But Be Sure To Make a LOT of Friends, Face-to-Face. And if you're going to bully, or online-Hate ANYONE; Do Not Do It! Friendships and Good Blood last Longer and Better than Rivalries and Bad Blood!

Be Friendly, Supportive, and KIND to Everyone! Have a Great and Safe Year!}}

===Still Trying to Drum Up Amiibo Sales===
Chris provided a link to a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e9XEwfGuuE&feature=youtu.be video] entitled, "Sonic The Hedgehog Amiibo Confirmed for Super Mario Maker! (Wii U)," and wrote:

{{quotebox|22 August 2015
Another Darn Good Reason to COLLECT the Sonichu and Rosechu Amiibo Set, and individual figures therein: they ALL will be compatible with [[LittleBigPlanet|LBP]]-Style Super Mario Maker! Awesome!}}

===Chris is a Lipstick Lesbian===
Chris proudly and fallaciously announces his status as a "lipstick lesbian":

{{quotebox|22 August 2015
I am a Wild and Exotic Lipstick Lesbian!!!}}

This claim initiated a testy dialogue with his friend [[Kim]]:

{{quoteboxred|Christine Weston Chandler Oh no, you're not a lipstick lesbian.}}

Chris responded with autistic tersness:

{{quotebox|I Am.}}

Kim countered:

{{quoteboxred|Christine Weston Chandler Nah, technically speaking, you're not even close.

You're more of a more run-of-the-mill lesbian.

I think you might be a little under educated on your lesbian types.}}

Kim then provided a link to the [[Wikipedia]] article for [[Wikipedia:Lipstick lesbian|Lipstick lesbian]] and added:

{{quoteboxred|Not that you're not a lesbian. But you're really miscategorizing yourself.}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|No, I have actually looked up the definitions of types of lesbians. I dress femininely, and I prefer to do so very much. And I wear makeup.}}

Kim countered again, this time rather bluntly:

{{quoteboxred|Nah, it's not about how you dress. It's how you pass.}}

{{quoteboxred|Which you don't.}}

Chris, having been beaten, characteristically ignores her argument and responds with a gag order:

{{quotebox|Also, Kim Wilson, yeah, you are crossing lines and raining on my parade; Shut Up.}}

Kim, however, has the last laugh:

{{quoteboxred|:(

Christine Weston Chandler You're basically putting up really sketchy billboards and asking no one to comment at them.

If you'd like, I can tell you when you should take down posts ahead of time.

Does that work? :)}}

===Still Pushing the Blake Amiibo===
{{quotebox|23 August 2015
Six Blake Sonichu Figures Left! Buy Now before they're Gone to make room for next month's limited-number character! Once the next character goes up, Blake will not return for a Long Time!}}

===Miley Cirus===
"Lizzy the Lezzy" posted images of a transgender child. Chris commented:

{{quotebox|23 August 2015
(S)he reminds me of Miley Cirus with tht haircut.}}

===No More Ms. Nice Guy===
{{quotebox|24 August 2015
Attention. On the remaining six Blake Sonichu Amiibo figures, I will now include one Sonichu [[medallion]] per figure free with purchase. this offer applies for right now and into the third and final relist later this week.

Do not, I repeat, do not expect me to be this nice on any of the remaining characters in any of the coming months.}}

One of Chris's [[gal-pals]] was critical:

{{quoteboxgreen|
Well, that's nice of you to do that for your fans - but I'd probably remove the second paragraph. It kinda makes you come of poorly to potential customers. Saying you "won't be nice again" sort of kills the "genuine" spirit of the offer and sort of sounds desperate.}}

Consequently, Chris changed the second paragraph to read:

{{quotebox|I forgot to mention, I have to make the six medals, so it won't be until Friday the 28th at the latest when I will be most able to ship them out. But please, do Guarantee your Blake Sonichu Amiibo and Sonichu Medallion Bundles for before Friday Shipment NOW.}}

Chris's friend responded:

{{quoteboxgreen|Better}}

===New Comics?===
Having sold only three Blake Amiibo during the second listing, Chris had to make a third attempt.

{{quotebox|26 August 2015
LAST CHANCE to Purchase and Expand your collection of ‪#‎Sonichu‬ and ‪#‎Rosechu‬ ‪#‎Amiibo‬ Figures. Bonus Sonichu Medallion And Autographed Photo with EVERY Purchase out of the Remaining Five Figures.

Next Month is a different character of a Primary Color. I may or may not make a medallion set next month; I am setting up an opportunity for me to get back to drawing the [[Sonichu (comic)|pages]], and getting Paid too, I will be continuing the Figures; a different character per month, until the main cast is complete. Limited Number.

Make a ‪#‎Checklist‬ based from my uploaded photos.

Have a good day.}}

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

July 2015

2015-08-02T02:59:02Z

PerhapsGlowing:

[[File:Bluehair3.jpg|thumb|On '''23 July 2015''', Chris dyes his hair blue. Doesn't end up doing a good job dying it at all.]]
'''July''' was the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It has seen about as much activity as any other month this year. However, starting on July 3, a cycle began where Chris's [[Facebook]] profile would be taken down and immediately put back up. It is currently unknown why this happened, but it's likely that [[Ween|someone]] reported something Chris posted. This is also the month that [[Magi-Chan]] is to travel to in order to receive the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]] After some activity, the month was continued very quietly.

Chris's 5th court date occurred on the 23rd. You know the drill about the continuances by now.

==Events of July==
* 2 July - Chris claims on Facebook that he has entered an online [[GameStop]] competition as an "ironic joke", and in the same post rants about GameStop needing some type of background check to enter the competition.
* 2 July - Chris shares a Facebook picture that quotes "I'M PROUD OF MY [[Heart level|HEART]]. IT'S BEEN PLAYED, STABBED, CHEATED, BURNED AND BROKEN, BUT SOMEHOW [[Obesity|STILL WORKS]]." and above it Chris comments "Not to mention Soul-Shattered, Beaten, Scarred, Blackmailed, Duped, Deceived, and all that shit the fake exes, [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies had done to me."
* 2 July - Chris posts on Facebook that he woke up and was happy that he had "Fresh Grown" boobs that fit into a D-Cup Brassiere.
* 2 July - Chris reveals a new drawing on Facebook called "Pink Lemonade", with tons of phallic imagery. This turns out to be Facebook's last straw, as the next day...
* 3 July - Chris's Facebook is removed, only to be put back online later in the day without any provocation.
* 4 July - The [[birthday]] of [[Clyde Cash]].
* 5 July - In response to an article claiming that model Chrissy Teigen is trolling Instagram by posting a photograph where her nipples are clearly visible, Chris posts a rant on Facebook, saying that no-one should ever use the word "trolling" or any variant thereof, as it reminds him of the trolling he has received since [[2007]].
* 7 July - Chris puts sixteen Sonichu medallions back up for sale on his Ebay which gets sold out within a matter of 2 days.
* 9 July - Chris posts a picture of his [[manboobs]] on Facebook. For the first time in history, it gets successfully taken down after being reported, much to his annoyance.
* 9 July - A [[ween]] requests Chris to make a medallion depicting Adolf Hitler. In response, he makes a medallion of Hitler being farted on. Only time will tell if the [[To Mr. Smith|Mr. Smith]] incident will possibly repeat.
* 11 July - Chris's Facebook is taken down again.
* 12 July - Chris's Facebook is put back up, but the pictures of his Hitler medallions are taken down with it. Which is rather odd, given that it's meant to ''mock'' him.
* 12 July - Chris mourns the loss of [[Nintendo]] president Satoru Iwata.
* 16 July - Chris reacts to the release of the new ''Sonic Boom'' season with "Three Words: Shit. Damn. Fuck. And then: "Somebody Shoot Me." followed up with "Actually, I Can best describe how Horrific the arm colour change has been. #‎SEGA‬, when you changed ‪#‎Sonic‬'s arm colour, you Literally ‪#‎BROKE‬ ‪#‎BOTH‬ OF HIS ‪#‎ARMS‬ ‪#‎OFF‬!!!", To let us all know that the [[Sonic Boom Protests|Blarm protests]] are far from over. (Even though he will more than likely go and watch it [[Chris and hypocrisy|himself]].)
* 18 July - Chris lists ten new [[Sonichu Amiibo]] and ten Sonichu [[medallions]] for sale on eBay.
* 23 July - Chris rants about the blarms again on Facebook.
* 23 July - Chris dyes his hair blue and claims it's not related to Sonic or Sega on a Facebook post.
* 23 July - Chris's fifth court date takes place. As usual it is moved back to another date.
* 31 July - [[Magi-Chan]] travels through time to this date to receive the "[[Issue 10|homo cure]]."

{{Timeline}}

July 2015

2015-08-02T02:58:30Z

PerhapsGlowing:

[[File:Bluehair3.jpg|thumb|On '''23 July 2015''', Chris dyes his hair blue. Doesn't end up doing a good job dying it at all.]]
'''July''' is the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It has seen about as much activity as any other month this year. However, starting on July 3, a cycle began where Chris's [[Facebook]] profile would be taken down and immediately put back up. It is currently unknown why this happened, but it's likely that [[Ween|someone]] reported something Chris posted. This is also the month that [[Magi-Chan]] is to travel to in order to receive the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]] After some activity, the month was continued very quietly.

Chris's 5th court date occurred on the 23rd. You know the drill about the continuances by now.

==Events of July==
* 2 July - Chris claims on Facebook that he has entered an online [[GameStop]] competition as an "ironic joke", and in the same post rants about GameStop needing some type of background check to enter the competition.
* 2 July - Chris shares a Facebook picture that quotes "I'M PROUD OF MY [[Heart level|HEART]]. IT'S BEEN PLAYED, STABBED, CHEATED, BURNED AND BROKEN, BUT SOMEHOW [[Obesity|STILL WORKS]]." and above it Chris comments "Not to mention Soul-Shattered, Beaten, Scarred, Blackmailed, Duped, Deceived, and all that shit the fake exes, [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies had done to me."
* 2 July - Chris posts on Facebook that he woke up and was happy that he had "Fresh Grown" boobs that fit into a D-Cup Brassiere.
* 2 July - Chris reveals a new drawing on Facebook called "Pink Lemonade", with tons of phallic imagery. This turns out to be Facebook's last straw, as the next day...
* 3 July - Chris's Facebook is removed, only to be put back online later in the day without any provocation.
* 4 July - The [[birthday]] of [[Clyde Cash]].
* 5 July - In response to an article claiming that model Chrissy Teigen is trolling Instagram by posting a photograph where her nipples are clearly visible, Chris posts a rant on Facebook, saying that no-one should ever use the word "trolling" or any variant thereof, as it reminds him of the trolling he has received since [[2007]].
* 7 July - Chris puts sixteen Sonichu medallions back up for sale on his Ebay which gets sold out within a matter of 2 days.
* 9 July - Chris posts a picture of his [[manboobs]] on Facebook. For the first time in history, it gets successfully taken down after being reported, much to his annoyance.
* 9 July - A [[ween]] requests Chris to make a medallion depicting Adolf Hitler. In response, he makes a medallion of Hitler being farted on. Only time will tell if the [[To Mr. Smith|Mr. Smith]] incident will possibly repeat.
* 11 July - Chris's Facebook is taken down again.
* 12 July - Chris's Facebook is put back up, but the pictures of his Hitler medallions are taken down with it. Which is rather odd, given that it's meant to ''mock'' him.
* 12 July - Chris mourns the loss of [[Nintendo]] president Satoru Iwata.
* 16 July - Chris reacts to the release of the new ''Sonic Boom'' season with "Three Words: Shit. Damn. Fuck. And then: "Somebody Shoot Me." followed up with "Actually, I Can best describe how Horrific the arm colour change has been. #‎SEGA‬, when you changed ‪#‎Sonic‬'s arm colour, you Literally ‪#‎BROKE‬ ‪#‎BOTH‬ OF HIS ‪#‎ARMS‬ ‪#‎OFF‬!!!", To let us all know that the [[Sonic Boom Protests|Blarm protests]] are far from over. (Even though he will more than likely go and watch it [[Chris and hypocrisy|himself]].)
* 18 July - Chris lists ten new [[Sonichu Amiibo]] and ten Sonichu [[medallions]] for sale on eBay.
* 23 July - Chris rants about the blarms again on Facebook.
* 23 July - Chris dyes his hair blue and claims it's not related to Sonic or Sega on a Facebook post.
* 23 July - Chris's fifth court date takes place. As usual it is moved back to another date.
* 31 July - [[Magi-Chan]] travels through time to this date to receive the "[[Issue 10|homo cure]]."

{{Timeline}}

July 2015

2015-07-17T12:56:00Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Ongoing}}

'''July''' is the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''. So far, it has seen about as much activity as any other month this year. However, on July 3, Chris's [[Facebook]] profile was taken down. It is currently unknown what happened, but it's likely that [[Ween|someone]] reported something Chris posted and got him banned. At any rate, his profile came back up later the same day. This is also the month that [[Magi-Chan]] is to travel to in order to receive the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]]

==Events of July==
* 2 July - Chris claims on Facebook that he has entered an online [[GameStop]] competition as an "ironic joke", and in the same post rants about GameStop needing some type of background check to enter the competition.
* 2 July - Chris shares a Facebook picture that quotes "I'M PROUD OF MY [[Heart level|HEART]]. IT'S BEEN PLAYED, STABBED, CHEATED, BURNED AND BROKEN, BUT SOMEHOW [[Obesity|STILL WORKS]]." and above it Chris comments "Not to mention Soul-Shattered, Beaten, Scarred, Blackmailed, Duped, Deceived, and all that shit the fake exes, [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies had done to me."
* 2 July - Chris posts on Facebook that he woke up and was happy that he had "Fresh Grown" boobs that fit into a D-Cup Brassiere.
* 2 July - Chris reveals a new drawing on Facebook called "Pink Lemonade", with tons of phallic imagery. This turns out to be Facebook's last straw, as the next day...
* 3 July - Chris's Facebook is removed, only to be put back online later in the day without any provocation.
* 4 July - The [[birthday]] of [[Clyde Cash]].
* 5 July - In response to an article claiming that model Chrissy Teigen is trolling Instagram by posting a photograph where her nipples are clearly visible, Chris posts a rant on Facebook, saying that no-one should ever use the word "trolling" or any variant thereof, as it reminds him of the trolling he has received since [[2007]].
* 7 July - Chris puts sixteen Sonichu medallions back up for sale on his Ebay which gets sold out within a matter of 2 days.
* 9 July - Chris posts a picture of his [[manboobs]] on Facebook. For the first time in history, it gets successfully taken down after being reported, much to his annoyance.
* 9 July - A [[ween]] requests Chris to make a medallion depicting Adolf Hitler. In response, he makes a medallion of Hitler being farted on. Only time will tell if the [[To Mr. Smith|Mr. Smith]] incident will possibly repeat.
* 11 July - Chris's Facebook is taken down again.
* 12 July - Chris's Facebook is put back up, but the pictures of his Hitler medallions are taken down with it. Which is rather odd, given that it's meant to ''mock'' him.
* 12 July - Chris mourns the loss of [[Nintendo]] president Satoru Iwata.
* 16 July - In a Facebook post Chris reacts to the release of the new Sonic boom season with "Three Words: Shit. Damn. Fuck. And then: "Somebody Shoot Me." followed up with "Actually, I Can best describe how Horrific the arm colour change has been. #‎SEGA‬, when you changed ‪#‎Sonic‬'s arm colour, you Literally ‪#‎BROKE‬ ‪#‎BOTH‬ OF HIS ‪#‎ARMS‬ ‪#‎OFF‬!!!", To let us all know that the [[Sonic Boom Protests|Blarm protests]] are far from over. (Even though he will more than likely go and watch it [[Chris and hypocrisy|himself]].)
* 23 July - Chris' next court date.
* 31 July - Magi-Chan travels through time to this date to receive the "homo cure."

{{Timeline}}

Clyde Cash

2015-07-06T08:11:20Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Currently */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Clyde Cash
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Gregg Mays
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 4 July 1976 (age {{Age|1976|7|4}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Siblings'''
| [[Ryan Cash]] (deceased)
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[PandaHalo]]
|-
| '''Children'''
| Penny Cash
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Internet troll Leader of [[The Miscreants]]
|-
|}

{{quote|Yer butt's gonna be in trouble|[[Barbara Chandler]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[Hooker incident#Aftermath|The Hooker Incident]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!|[[Chris]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]</ref>}}

'''Clyde Cash''' (alias '''Gregg Mays''' - that's [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|Gregg with three G's]]) ([[America|4 July]] [[1976]]<ref>[[:File:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg]]</ref>) is leader of [[The Miscreants]] and the most notorious of [[Christian|Chris]]'s [[trolls]], often considered to be Chris's arch nemesis.

In Chris's revised [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the ''[[Transformers]]'' character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow Megatron behind the scenes. Chris says this [[Chris and reality|because he believes]] Clyde allegedly killed [[BlueSpike]].<ref>[[Mumble 12]]</ref>

Ironically, despite Chris' constant demonizing of him, Clyde has warned him about several things that would later return to bite him in the ass, such as his [[Chris%27s_resume|unwillingness to work]], [[Chris and money|spending habits]], his [[Women's rights|poor treatment of women]] and even [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|predicted]] Chris' innate desire to [[Tomgirl Saga|dress like a woman]].

==Origins==
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|left|Clyde's butt being in trouble, courtesy of Chris.]]

For the longest time, Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed, Clyde would read Ryan the latest ''[[Sonichu]]'' adventure until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually within the first three pages).

This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing ''Sonichu'' [[comic]]s. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. One night in mid-[[December 2008]],<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.

On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] would be released from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed, but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.
{{clear}}

==The torment begins==
[[Image:ChrisVSClyde.JPG|thumb|left|Artist's interpretation of this epic struggle.]]
[[Image:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg|thumb|[[Virginia]]: [[Virginia is for Virgins|No longer for virgins]].]]
[[Image:Clydecashandannamclerran.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash turns [[Anna McLerran|ladies]] [[Homos|straight]].]]

Clyde's first act was to rape Chris's [[sweetheart]] [[PandaHalo]]<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>, but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next [[gal pal|gal-pal]]. Chris believes that Clyde married Panda and had a "One Cent Daughter" named Penny.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

Then, Clyde [[Gregg Mays E-mails|posed as Gregg Mays]] (a web designer working for [[Nintendo]]) to gain access to [[Sonichu.net]]. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make [[It's UGH!|a video proclaiming he was gay]]. He then told him to make a [[I am STRAIGHT|video declaring his straightness]]. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a [[trolls|troll]] and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of PandaHalo, Clyde managed to gain access again.

It was around this time that [[Takashi Tezuka]] and [[Jay Z]] were doing their ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]], they created the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

[[Julie]] set up a [[Mumble]] chat in which Chris could communicate with [[Trolls|TRUE and HONEST ''Sonichu'' fans]]. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|cleaning his room]]. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a thirteen-year-old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref>

After that, he sent out his trusted [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Hebrew friend]] to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The MIPS turned [[Robert Simmons V]] into a troll and infiltrated [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].<ref>[[Church Audio]]</ref> He then stole Chris's one and only date, [[Emily]].<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

When [[Ivy]] came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and killed herself.<ref>[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]</ref>

Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the [[PSN]] a few times, but then [[Jack Thaddeus]] did him one better...<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref>

And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.

On 22 [[May 2009]], the death of Clyde Cash, by a shotgun wound to the head, was reported by [[The Miscreants]]. The incident was deemed suicide, although some suspected foul play.
{{clear}}

==In the comic==
[[File:Cly.jpg|thumb|left|"Cly" in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]].]]
[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

In the [[comic]], Cly(de) is a villain working for [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Apart from capturing [[Ivy]] and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]], officially [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]]. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."

He made his first appearance in the comic proper [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] as the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] trolls. When [[Beel]] escapes, he too condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing an innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6-story elevator shaft to their deaths.
{{clear}}

== Currently ==
[[Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash and his buddy [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]].]]
[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|left|thumb|Clyde with [[The Wallflower]].]]
[[File:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|Chris's bizarre attempt to [[100 2267|impersonate Clyde]].]]
[[File:Cash1.png|left|thumb|No one can be trusted when it comes to Cash!]]
[[File:Clyde mash.jpg|right|thumb|[[The Simpsons|Stupid sexy Cash!]]]]

After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris is not very pleased.

In late [[2009]], when not battling [[Liquid Chris]] for the hand of [[Kacey]], Chris spent his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in a one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into [[obesity|shape]] and a desire to frighten Clyde with his [[Chris and health|bulging muscles]].

Chris had also a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.<ref>[[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]], [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]], [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]], [[Getting Foam Ed]], [[Twin Falling Towers]], [[It will never end]], [[Apology for 9/11 Joke]]</ref> Clyde scoffed at [[No More Jokes|the final video]].

However, because of the negative reaction to [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]], Chris, in the [[CWCipedia]] mailbag, made clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In_which_Chris_assumes_Clyde_Cash_would_punch_him|Mailbag 5]]</ref>

Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis in [[2010]], believing he was the reason why he lost the heart of "[[The Wallflower]]". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a [[pocket knife|knife]] and [[Don't Mess With Me|slitting Clyde's throat]] as a [[Death threats|warning]] to all [[trolls]].

In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Christian unsuccessfully [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|attempted to scam Clyde]] into paying Chris $9,001 for destroying his own [[PS3]]. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled thanks to [[Surfshack Tito]]'s vigilance.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Clyde Cash Fan Videos
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan KILLED Clyde Cash (Never-Before-Seen Footage)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FiTVga0G8Ws}}
| stardate = 7 [[June 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheClydeCash TheClydeCash]
| subject = | type = | info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Particle-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NrhdImejktI}}
| stardate = 1 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PodMonkeyCWC PodMonkeyCWC]
| subject = | type = | info = }}
}}

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[A CWC Audition]]
*[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]

== Sources ==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGreggMays Gregg's YouTube account]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jmmyzlznhfa Post-date Conversations] - The part with Clyde begins at about 4:35.
*[http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263141624839RA18 An International Tribute to Teh Graet Clyde Cash.]

{{Clyde Saga}}

{{Trolls}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Cash, Clyde}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga]]

2010s

2015-07-05T11:45:59Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Events of 2014 */

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|In '''2010''', Chris débuted the Gay Trucker.]]
[[File:CWC0811.PNG|thumb|Chris in '''2011'''.]]
[[File:11 10 12 facebook pic.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''2012'''.]]
[[File:Haters to the left.jpg|thumb|In '''2013''', Chris told da [[trolls]] where to go. (to the right?)]]
[[File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|thumb|In '''2014''', Chris was desperate for [[money]].]]
[[File:Chris may 2015.jpg|thumb|Christine in '''2015''', making a [[Tomgirl|transition]].]]
The '''2010s''', the final frontier (for [[Chris]]'s cholesterol, that is).

Perhaps one of the darkest decades in CWC Chronology, the 2010s are notable for events such as Bob's death, the [[28 October 2011]] incident, 14 Branchland Court [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burning to the ground]] and the [[26 December 2014]] incident. This may also become the decade where Chris ends up spending time in jail.

==2010==

===Events of 2010===
::''Main article: [[2010]]''
2010 brought the ''[[Asperchu]]'' feuds, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Magical Man Potion]], [[Surfshack Tito]], [[Jackie]], a vehicular attack on [[Michael Snyder]], [[JenkinsJinkies]], the [[Greene County Conspiracy]], [[Fridays After Five]], the destruction of the [[PS3]] and Chris quitting the Internet, possibly for good.
==2011==

===Events of 2011===
::''Main article: [[2011]]''

2011 brought deathly silence until the release of the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], followed by [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]], [[Calling Out]], [[Bob]]'s passing, the publication of [[Sonichu]]'s image by ''Slylock Fox'', and [[28 October 2011|a mother-and-son attack on the GAMe PLACe]] resulting in felony charges for the Chandlers.

==2012==

===Events of 2012===
::''Main article: [[2012]]''

Chris kept quiet in 2012, not uploading a single video. He lost his virginity to a hooker, so as not to lose it to a [[homo]]-[[niggo]] in prison, but both he and Barb got away with probation at their [[This is how the Trial went|trial]]. They later adopted [[Clover and Snoopy|two dogs]]. Chris's [[Facebook]] messages were also leaked.

==2013==

===Events of 2013===
::''Main article: [[2013]]''
In 2013, Chris [[Chris in the media#MTV's Failosophy|appeared on MTV]], whined about [[homo]] marriage, got kicked out of [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|his church]], cut ties with [[Rocky]], pledged not to bother the [[GAMe PLACe]], [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|returned to YouTube]] found out that his high-school [[gal-pals]] were only pitying him, and made a [[Tour of Chris's House II|new house tour]].

==2014==

===Events of 2014===
::''Main article: [[2014]]''

In 2014, [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Chris's house burned to the ground]]. He and Barb became even more strapped for cash, with Chris selling his art on [[eBay]] and supposedly shoplifting from [[Best Buy]]. Chris began to identify as a [[gaybian|lesbian transwoman]], even attending a [[Impulse Gay Social Club|gay bar]] on [[Halloween]]. Chris was arrested in December for [[GameStop_Assault|assaulting an employee at GameStop]].

==2015==

===Events of 2015===
::''Main article: [[2015]]''

In 2015, Chris continued to transition to a [[Tomgirl]] and began to sell [[Sonichu Amiibo]]. He will face trial for [[26 December 2014|the GameStop Assault]].
==Sources==
{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

July 2015

2015-07-05T11:39:04Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Events of July */

July 2015

2015-07-03T08:35:20Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Events of July */

{{Ongoing}}

'''July''' is the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''.

==Events of July==
* 2 July - Chris claims on Facebook that he has entered an online Gamestop competition as an "ironic joke", and in the same post rants about Gamestop needing some type of background check to enter the competition.
* 2 July - Chris shares a Facebook picture that quotes "I'M PROUD OF MY [[Heart level|HEART]]. IT'S BEEN PLAYED, STABBED, CHEATED, BURNED AND BROKEN, BUT SOMEHOW [[Obesity|STILL WORKS]]." and above it Chris comments "Not to mention Soul-Shattered, Beaten, Scarred, Blackmailed, Duped, Deceived, and all that shit the fake exes, [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies had done to me."
* 2 July - Chris posts on Facebook that he woke up and was happy that he now had "Fresh Grown" boobs and that they fit into a D-Cup Brassiere.
* 2 July - Chris reveals a new drawing on Facebook called pink lemonade.
* 23 July - Chris' next court date.
* 31 July - [[Magi-Chan]] travels through time to this date to get the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]]

{{Timeline}}

Homos

2015-07-02T16:56:01Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Fear of being a homo */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; [[China|Vaginas]] and [[Plush breasts|Boobies]] Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris.<ref>[[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3]]</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He has also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his [[Love Quest]], and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

At various times, most recently following his coming out as a "[[Tomgirl|transgender]] [[Gaybian|lesbian]]" in [[2014]], Chris has seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights. In nearly every case, this has been at the request of a gal-pal or sweetheart, and like most of his [[Chris and remorse|apologies]] has been insincere. He apparently remains repulsed and unnerved by homosexual men on a personal level.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause him to be "leered off the straight path." His terror has been such that he was barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle]] without being "freaked out."<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s pro-gay advertisements. Nothing will get Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris's homophobia seems to have emerged sometime in 2006, as his very earliest expression of anxiety is his classic "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|Future Message]]," released in February 2007. At no time before this, either in his comics or his [[diary]] or his private correspondence, does he make any reference to homosexuality. It apparently grew out of the complex stew of his [[noviophobia]], his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for [[My Little Pony|girly toys]], his own [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]], his loathing of [[muscle bra|male bodies]], and [[autism]].
[[File:Taking it in the briefs.JPG|thumb|right|You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.]]

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on [[vibrator]]s and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris uses many strange and totemic objects, from a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|poster of Sailor Moon]] to his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge Simpson's ''Playboy'' edition]] was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris has also encouraged women to not [[Alcohol|drink]], [[Tobacky|smoke]], or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education</ref> hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get [[dating education]] classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris is not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hates all gay men. This animosity seems to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only [[Vivian Gee|demonstrably false]], but in fact [[Chris and reality|completely delusional]], since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male [[JERKS]] and inversely-proportional adoration of [[Gal-pals|women]].

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain [[wikipedia:Heinrich Himmler|Herr Himmler]] had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

The universe of [[CWCville]] has also seen an anti-gay jihad. On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia:Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]]). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of ''Family Guy'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon [[pickle]]. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would ''not'' win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly [[Bob]] had an influence, as the [[Matthew Noble call]] showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male [[JERKS]]. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with ''one'' woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

Chris knows that his homophobia is unpopular with his fans, and he has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|18 February 2009]], for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|a mere month later]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], Chris posted a "[[music]]" [[video]] called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''. Later on that same day, he published an [[I'm Sorry, Dude|apology]] for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

More recently, not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

{{quote|I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).|Chris<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homo''phobes'', illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and [[Chris and his Ego|has personal flaws]].

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, [[Reldnahc]], his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.<ref>Commissions</ref>

On 26 [[June 2015]], the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris, shockingly enough, reacted very positively towards this:

{{Quotebox|Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about ‪#‎PridependenceDay‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and [[List of Chris's lies|identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime]]. I never could appreciate the [[JERK|male's]] Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Women's Rights|fashions, makeup, shopping]], [[Chris and remorse|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Death threats|looking to resolve problems]] [[Sub-episodes|reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Chris and Anger|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant [[semen|tidings]] to an all woman party.

‪#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE the homos!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

===“Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler’s Address to the Homosexuals===
On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging screed on the [[CWCipedia]] which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full:

{{quotebox|
Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and '''Stress''' FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND '''OVER Infinite Number Of Times''', ''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT.'' '''No Question or Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.'''

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; '''NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW.''' Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, ''I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up.'' I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

''The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being '''Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.'''''

I am aware of the way I stutter, space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, ''I am Sometimes Retarded.''

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because '''the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY'''; kept down with the ''Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend''. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, '''I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING''' (''Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory)''. It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old, during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my '''Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages'''; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, '''The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever!''' I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that '''PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT''', No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

'''I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.'''

I have also heard of My Sonichu being ''written in College Essays that promote homosexuality.'' And even worse, ''promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades.'' '''WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH!''' ''ALL Sonichus Are Straight! ALL Rosechus Are Straight! I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS.'' I, Sonichu and Rosechu, '''We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!'''

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

'''So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT!''' ''NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!''

<nowiki>*</nowiki>sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, '''The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.
'''

''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight. Period.
''

Thank you.}}

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Cwcipedia: Sonichu]</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In [[Mumble 1]], which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated [[JERKS]] in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

===Chris the lesbian===
[[File:Chris at a gay bar.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.]]
On 14 [[August 2014]], Chris posted on his [[Facebook]] page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref> He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 [[October 2014]], Chris spent that [[Halloween]] at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was [[Chris and hypocrisy|THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life]].

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The idea of a "lesbian in man's body" is just something a guy might google after [[mass debating]], and Chris's citation of '''Yahoo! Answers''' to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Whether or not Chris has had a turn of heart, and realized the error of his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. Sexuality seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Chris's identification as a lesbian is closely tied to the next subject...

== Chris and transgender topics ==
{{quote|Tranny Pride, Worldwide!|Chris calling himself a derogatory term for transgenders, 14 August 2014<ref>[[Brassieres For Males#Chris comes out]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Die-cis-scum.jpg|thumb|right|Likelier than you think.]][[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."]]

Given that Chris lacks basic [[English]] skills, it shouldn’t be surprising that he has trouble navigating the linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl''. For someone who hates mislabelings, he sure is sloppy when it comes to these labels. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, “Would you date a transgender person,” he replied, “Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy).”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> All of Chris’s claims about sexuality or gender identity need to be viewed through an autistic filter.

That said, Chris has spent many years struggling to articulate his position on transgender topics. In the early years of trolling, he confessed that he was uncomfortable with the idea of transgender people, and made it clear that he was not sexually attracted to them. “I have given thought about the transgenders and transvesites; I do not feel comfortable with them….[D]icks are dicks, and I do not care about them, except for my own,” he wrote in a [[January 2009]] chat.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> He later reiterated: “I Do Not Care Much for Transgender People or Hermaphrodites, but I do not discriminate them as individual people.”<ref>[[Mailbag 26#Reusing the same excuses for everything else!]]</ref>

{{quote|I would NEVER CARE to have sex with a Hermaphrodite.|Classic Chris, 15 January 2010<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Shemales and man-tits]]</ref>}}

Yet somehow, he could not let the issue rest....When [[Wikipedia:Bailey Jay|Bailey Jay]] introduced herself to Chris in a [[Mailbag]] letter, revealing some naughty selfies, Chris’s initial reaction was completely phobic at the sight of this “hermaphrodite.” Later though, after Jay let Chris know that he had hurt her feelings, he reached into his shallow well of empathy. “I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons.”<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap!]] and [[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref> When Chris looked at this beautiful woman with a large pickle, he saw a distorted reflection of himself. He was not yet ready to abandon his “straight male” identity, though.

After becoming a [[tomgirl]] in 2011, even though he was still officially a “heterosexual” and “proud to be male,” some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about “fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar,” where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone “in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref> He still seemed unsettled, especially since being a tomgirl wasn’t working to attract a Sweetheart/Soulmate.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publically, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was “a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser.” Then he said he was a “Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny.” Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a “Lesbian tomgirl transgender male” but also “three-quarters woman.” By September he seemed to have settled on “Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).”<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a “man,” he changed his Facebook pronoun to “she” and his name to “Christine.”<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook “likes” for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(g)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

===Does Chris Want the Operation?===

Almost immediately upon being discovered, Chris revealed that he had been giving a lot of thought to contingencies which might require him to lop off his [[duck]]. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref> He also made it clear to anyone who asked that he was literally nauseated by the sight of his own penis (and all other penises). It might seem self-evident, then, that Lesbian Transgender Chris would be eager to undergo sex reassignment surgery. However, in his intellectual discourses on transgender controversies, Chris has expressed some ambivalence. In a February 2009 chat, when asked if transwomen should “go under the knife,” Chris replied:

{{quote|Um...[long pause] no. I- no no. And also I'll tell you- I'll tell you this- and if I ever have a trans-gender child with both sets of, uh, with both sets of uh, genitals, I would uh, raise that child to be a boy.|Chris, apropos of nothing<ref>[[Mumble 6#On The Transgender Community]]</ref>}}

He similarly told Bailey Jay (who also hadn’t asked) that “if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man.”<ref>[[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref>

For a long time, these were puzzling statements, given his hatred for [[JERKS]] and all manner of pickled cucumbers. As his own gender identity mutated, however, Chris revealed his reasoning. In early 2014, on his OKCupid Q&A, he was faced with the question, “Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose?” Chris’s answer was, “Do not perform the surgery.” He added,

{{quote|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, exemplifying the wisdom of Solomon<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally (which is his true fantasy), he must first impregnate someone, as many times as necessary until the appearance of his God-promised daughter. He can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from “blood, tears, and semenal descent.”<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> He criticized his fellow tranny [[Ahuviya]] for trying to have the operation, claiming that he "would definitely not be considered any at all a woman--a woman whatsoever" because "he would not have a uterus, and he would have no repoductive [sic] organs. I mean, I want to have children someday. Obviously, he don't.”<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref>

In late 2014, he could not persuade a sperm bank, lesbians on a message board, or his friend [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] to serve as the vessel for Crystal.<ref>[[Semen#Donation]]</ref> So for now, its purpose unfulfilled, the Ugly Growth must remain.

The second reason he can’t get the surgery is that the duck is an [[Attraction Sign]]. As much as he loves to crow about being a “Lesbian,” Chris wants to be “open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian.” In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, “I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina.” If he wants to be everything for everybody, he will need to hold onto the duck.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for “a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female.”<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

===In CWCville===

Before his slide into “femdom,” Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community. After Chris modified his gender identity, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robee Sonichu]] also became a tomgirl, and later a full-fledged male lesbian. In May 2015 he confirmed that [[Comic Chris]] was a “Lesbian Transwoman,” and [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” possibly to be renamed Chrissy-Chan Rosechu. Then, through the power of his imagination, Chris managed to ''impregnate himself'' with a turkey baster and give birth to twins.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> This scenario is probably as realistic as Chris ever getting a handle on his own gender.

==Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|[[Niggos|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the [[Autistic dick|harder]] Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into adulthood, and began this collecting way before ''Friendship is Magic'' premiered.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN chat with Julie]], Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Max]] told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a male character, on his duck.
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* According to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|receipts]] uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs|sex logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]], Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a [[gaybian]]. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When Julie finally revealed herself as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|close-up picture of his anus]], not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]], which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* Chris wears a [[bra]]. In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of the ''[[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' movie when he showcased his then-current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a [[Wikipedia:Queer Eye|free makeover]].
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a duck.
* In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [[:File:Punchylaylalove.jpg|wearing panties and a bra]].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks suspiciously like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind, all in an attempt to re-enact ''The Silence of the Lambs''.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
* The fact that he thinks that ''staring at a poster'' will keep himself straight implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of Sailor Moon, a gay icon, will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that [http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals], Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage], hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken], and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act slang for oral sex], which may refer to his duck.
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality--"Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer."
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' (among many others), to gay icon Judy Garland.
* Attempting to prove that [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay [[pedofork]] [[anime]]s on [[YouTube]].
* In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' ''(for the ladies, [[Chris_and_English|according to him]])'', placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware ''(or outright doesn't care)'' that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet.
* He [[October_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_hits_up_a_gay_bar_.28seriously.29|went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014]].
* He is a member of the local [https://www.facebook.com/groups/eventsatimpuslegsc gay club] on facebook.
* He once glitterbombed Sega. Glitterbombing was started by the gay community as a way to protest opponents of gay marriage.
* His [[26 December 2014|can of mace]] is colored pink.
* He posted a story on [[Facebook]] about him as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] having sex with [[Magi-chan]] and getting pregnant.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Tomgirl]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

July 2015

2015-07-02T16:44:05Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Events of July */

{{Ongoing}}

'''July''' is the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''.

==Events of July==
* 2 July - Chris claims on Facebook that he has entered an online Gamestop competition as an "ironic joke", and in the same post rants about Gamestop needing some type of background check to enter the competition.
* 2 July - Chris shares a Facebook picture that quotes "I'M PROUD OF MY [[Heart level|HEART]]. IT'S BEEN PLAYED, STABBED, CHEATED, BURNED AND BROKEN, BUT SOMEHOW [[Obesity|STILL WORKS]]." and above it Chris comments "Not to mention Soul-Shattered, Beaten, Scarred, Blackmailed, Duped, Deceived, and all that shit the fake exes, Trolls and Cyber-Bullies had done to me."
* 2 July - Chris posts on Facebook that he woke up and was happy that he now had "Fresh Grown" boobs and that they fit into a D-Cup Brassiere.
* 2 July - Chris reveals a new drawing on Facebook called pink lemonade.
* 23 July - Chris' next court date.
* 31 July - [[Magi-Chan]] travels through time to this date to get the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]]

{{Timeline}}

June 2015

2015-07-01T06:12:47Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Ongoing}}
{{quote|Maybe, but only if we give Sonichu blue arms, three scarves, and ultimately just redesign him as Big the Cat.|Chris being mocked by [[Sonic the Hedgehog|his hero]] on [[Twitter]]}}

[[File:CallMeChristine.jpg|thumb|right|On '''7 June 2015''', Chris advises you call him Chris''tine''.]]
[[File:Rainbow Christine.jpg|thumb|right|On '''27 June 2015''', Chris becomes [[My Little Pony|20% cooler]].]]

'''June''' was the 6th month of '''[[2015]]'''. [[Chris]]'s ''next'' court date took place on 11 June, and got delayed '''yet again''' to 23 [[July 2015|July]]. This month commences the start of summer, which Chris'll most likely spend playing [[vidya]] and loitering at the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]], provided that he doesn't get sentenced. It is also the month that scientists discover the [[Sonichu 10|"homo gene."]] It is also the month when same sex marriage was legalized nationwide. To the joy of Chris.

==Events of June==
* 3 June - Chris once again pesters his [[fans]] on [[Facebook]] to get [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] into ''Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and [[Nintendo]] [[3DS]]'', and also announces that he has more [[Sonichu Amiibo]] made.
* 3 June - Chris also shows (once again) his disapproval for ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* 4 June - Chris posts a photo to Facebook revealing that a slip of his [[pocket knife]] resulted in a bad cut and a trip to the emergency room.
* 6 June - Chris yet again pesters his [[white knights]] to get Sonichu in ''Super Smash Bros.''
* 7 June - Chris discovers the trend of transwomen making [[parody]] ''Vanity Fair'' magazine covers of themselves, and as such creates his own.
* 8 June - Chris changes his [[voicemail]].
* 9 June - The next ''[[Sonic Boom]]'' game is announced. Chris [[Chris and anger|disapproves]] and even [[Death threats|threatens]] [[Sega]] producer [[Omar Woodley]].
* 9 June - Chris shares a link to an article that says social media should stop [[Clyde Cash the kid video|cyberbullying]].
* 9 June - Chris once again shows no apologetic shame for [[26 December 2014]], and purchases a blue-armed Sonic doll [[Chris and money|just to tear its arms off]].
* 10 June - Chris's white knights refuse to help him this time with his hatred of blue arms. [[Kim Wilson]] and Mellanie Chafe say that he could just cover the blue arms with cream-colored felt, and that attacking people with Mace is assault. Kim also mockingly says "Oh wow, where'd you get that plush? Did you steal it?"
* 10 June - [[Sega]] acknowledges Sonichu and Chris's existence for the [[Chris in the media#Sega Acknowledges Sonichu|second time]], and mocks his reaction to [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic having blue arms]].<ref>https://archive.is/eWfjQ</ref>
* 10 June - Chris attends the LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night event in [[Charlottesville]].
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''. Chris was said to have been uncharacteristically normal and sociable.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERK]] body.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 13 June - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[Derpy]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins", and posts a screenshot of her scene in the ''MLP:FiM'' episode "Slice of Life" that is unbelievably [[Chris and cinematography|overexposed]]. He also shows his complete unwillingness to at least add some spoiler tags.
* 15 June - Chris posts a picture of 2 lizards in amplexus (which is against [[Facebook]] rules even though it got past the radar) and rambles on about his [[tomgirl]] status.
* 17 June - Chris sells a "1990 American Silver Eagle .999 Silver 1oz Dollar Coin" on [[eBay]].
* 20 June - Chris joins a Legit Lady Gamers [[contest]].
* 21 June - [[Father]]'s Day.
* 23 June - Chris creates a new [[Ebay]] account pristinechristine1982, selling more [[autographed photos]] of [[Chris and his ego|himself]].
* 23 June - Chris shares a photo to avoid catching the Derpies.
* 23 June - Chris announces on Facebook that new [[Medallion|Sonichu medallions]] shall be listed next month.
* 23 June - Chris shares a video called "Geraldine", about a transgender woman.
* 24 June - Chris shares a picture depicting emotions people feel but can't explain, most of which are taken from the very underrated Dictionary of Obscure Emotions. One of them happens to be "Lachesism", the desire to be struck by disaster--the examples of that include "to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a [[fire]]".
* 26 June - Chris celebrates the Supreme Court's decision that [[Homos|gay]] marriage was legal in all 50 states...before promptly going on about his "sweetheart search" and about how he's always identified as a woman inside.
* 26 June - Chris shares a meme generalizing people who have green or blue eyes. He naturally couldn't resist the chance to mention his [[heterochromia]].
* 27 June - Chris changes his profile picture to that of his faux ''Vanity Fair'' cover, before running it through a gay pride filter.
* 27 June - Chris reveals his aura to be blue.
* 30 June - [[Club Nintendo]] shuts down in America.

==References==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}

July 2015

2015-07-01T06:12:08Z

PerhapsGlowing:

'''July''' is the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''.

==Events of July==
* 23 July - Chris' next court date.
* 31 July - [[Magi-Chan]] travels through time to this date to get the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]]

{{Timeline}}

June 2015 Facebook Posts

2015-06-29T03:45:37Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Let's Trade Genitalia */

{{Ongoing}}
{{Needs Updating}}

This page covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page in [[June 2015]]. He was also forced by events to return to his protest group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

==Summary==
==Chris's Posts==
===More Amiibo===
Chris linked to his [[Ebay]] page and wrote:

{{quotebox|3 June 2015
It's time again; I have another ten [[Sonichu (character)|‪#‎Sonichu]]‬ [[Amiibo|‪#‎amiibo]]‬ figures made and ready for quick sale and shipment!}}

Since this batch of Amiibo was not selling as quickly as the previous two he reiterated the next day:

{{quotebox|4 June 2015
I repeat: I have another Ten Sonichu Amiibo Figures reinforced and ready for immediate sale and Next Day Shipment!

Very Good Collectibles!}}

===Chris Suffers for His Art===
{{quotebox|4 June 2015
[[File:CutFromPocketKnife.jpg|thumb|200px|left]]
Seriously. I work diligently, tough-hard, lovingly, on each Sonichu Figure. To actually be able to Hand Repurpose, with minimal model magic usage, paint and personally, metaphorically, [[Pregnant Act|give birth]], and certify, Actual Figures of my own personal main Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon character... It is plain incredible and simply awesome to me.

And I had a [[Chris and health|mishap]] when I started creation of this batch, on the morning of Wednesday, the 20th: I literally cut my left forefinger, near deep and bad, with a slip of my [[pocket knife]]. Fortunately, I had my last tetanus shot less than five years ago. I went to the emergency room; I had to get my finger numbed and stitched. They gauzed and splinted the finger; I've had to put up with that for nearly a week, during the healing and reapplication of antibiotic ointment and the band-aids and putting the gauze and splint back on. I just had the stitch removed this past Monday.

And now I am feeling crestfallen that over a day has passed from relisting the figures, right after completing them, and no one is buying them. What the hell?}}

[[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt|Kenneth]] offered:

{{quoteboxred|I think a little set of miniature files that you use in jewelry repair along with a dust mask would work better.}}

Chris responded:

{{quotebox|No, it would not.}}

[[William Elliott Waterman|William]] asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Do you have a first aid kit handy? What were you doing with the pocket knife?}}

Chris answered:

{{quotebox|Prying a few portions off; glued on sections.}}

===Punchy in Super Smash Bros.===
{{quotebox|6 June 2015
[[File:PunchySuperSmashBros.jpg|thumb|300px|left]]
<nowiki>#‎</nowiki>[[Punchy Sonichu|PunchySonichu]]‬'s choice is Little Mac. They both like to box, although Punchy kicks too; better than just a Hitmonchan. Thinking of it, is the Smash Bros. fighting format appropriate to someone who boxes instead of wrestles? But then, who cares? It's Smash Bros.

Also, let's vote for ‪#‎Sonichu‬ to be a DLC character in ‪#‎SuperSmashBros‬., for future possibilities of More Sonichu and [[Rosechu|‪#‎Rosechu]]‬ Stories directly from me, in addition to potential [[Sonichu (comic)|comic pages]], I would appreciate that.

https://cp.nintendo.co.jp/us/

Tune in Next Time for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu|‪#‎MagiChanSonichu‬]]'s Character Choice.}}

In the illustration, Punchy is saying:

{{quoteboxred|
Favorite Smash Fighter? Alright. With my animated humor, the popular guess has been Toon Link. Ch! Yeah! He's a cute cartoon, but, come on, do I weild a sword? No! The bets on my character's amiibo figure online are High. Anyway, it's Little Mac. Boxing is our mutual expertise, and my uppercuts are killer. And to charge up for a Final Blow is awesome. I enjoy showing off my Thunder, Fire, and Ice Punches too. And I can launch really mean kicks with my feet too. Wham!}}

===I Like to Be Pristine===
Chris shared a [http://distractify.com/beth-buczynski/my-vanity-fair-cover-hashtag/?ts_pid=2 link] to a template which allows transgender people to insert their own photos on the cover of ''Vanity Fair'' magazine in the style of Caitlyn Jenner.

{{quotebox|7 June 2015
[[File:CallMeChristine.jpg|thumb|200px|left]]
This is a trend I can be nothing but most delighted and proud to be a part of. We Are ‪#‎Transgender‬; Hear Us Roar!

‪#‎MyVanityFairCover‬

‪#‎Transwoman

‪#‎Lesbian‬

‪#‎LGBTQ‬

‪#‎Pride‬}}

===Let's Go Bowling===
The "[[Cville Pride]]" page asked people to RSVP regarding an upcoming "LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night," and state how many people would be attending. Chris responded:

{{quotebox|9 June 2015
Just me; one adult.}}

===Sensory Overload 2: Electric Boogaloo===
Chris provided a link to a YouTube video announcement of a new title in the Sonic Boom franchise. His remarks:

{{quotebox|9 June 2015
Hell No!!! Still with the Blue Arms?!!! Ugh! SEGA, Does my [[Sonic Boom Protests|Protest]] and [[26 December 2014|Jail Time]] And Court Trouble Result NOT resonate with you at all? Don't Y'all EVER FREAKING LISTEN AND LEARN?!!!

[[GameStop|GameStops]], [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Marts]], [[Get-Tar Region|Targets]], Toys "R" Us, [[Best Buy|Best Buys]], and all stores that sells video games, PLEASE, DO NOT STOCK, PRESELL, OR SELL THIS GAME!!! [[SEGA]] Needs to Listen AND Learn!!! The Protest and Boycott Continues and Resumes!!!

(Although, I, myself, am forced to be physically inactive, locally to me, in the protest; I will not be posting any physical notes or bills in any store, whatsoever)

<nowiki>**groan**</nowiki>}}

===Bring Me the Head of O(l)mar Woodley!===
[[File:OlmarWoodleyfanart.jpg|thumb|right|200px]]
Chris linked to an article on the "SEGA Nerds" page, "SEGA producer discusses future of Sonic Boom franchise," and added a decree:

{{quotebox|9 June 2015
Bring to me, in person, the one called [[Omar Woodley|Olmar Woodley]], So I can tell to his face of my Plights and Troubles I Went and Had to Gi Through, Because of the Sensory Overloading, Horrific Arm Colour Change that should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED. And then, let me Kick and Beat Him Up upon further refusal to change the arm Colour back to tan in Everything Sonic Boom!

Damn and F*** Olmar Woodley!!!}}

Three hours later he edited it to read:

{{quotebox|9 June 2015
Bring to me, in person, the ones called Omar Woodley and Stephen Frost, So I can tell to their faces of my Plights and Troubles I Went and Had to Go Through, Because of the Sensory Overloading, Horrific Arm Colour Change that should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED. And then, let me Kick and Beat Them Up upon further refusal to change the arm Colour back to tan in Everything Sonic Boom!

Damn and F*** Olmar Woodley and Stephen Frost!!!}}

===Another Waste of Taxpayer Money===
{{quotebox|9 June 2015
[[File:SonicNoArms (pic only).jpg|left]]
I protested peacefully and bold; I get banned from the local Four GameStops, and rebanned from [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square]]I ended up in jail for a weekend, along with court troubles; someone got a mild amount of pepper spray.

Time healed me some and I was recovering and doing better. Now, ANOTHER BLUE ARMED GAME IS BEING MADE?!!!

‪<nowiki>#‎SEGA</nowiki>‬ has ruined a peaceful, pleasant life for me again. It is Payback Time!

‪<nowiki>#‎SonicBoom‬</nowiki>

‪<nowiki>#‎FixSonicsArmsImmediatelySEGA‬</nowiki>}}

===Chris Spams Facebook===
Chris spent a portion of 10 June copypasting his plea of the previous day that stores not sell Sonic Boom, along with links to his [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|blarms protest group]] and his personal page. He left it as a reply to the reveal of the Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice box art on "My Nintendo News;" and to an article on "Tails' Channel." The public group "My Nintendo News" posted an article entitled, "Sega Says They're Taking Fan and Press Feedback And Building From It For Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice." Chris left the same reply here, along with:

{{quotebox|10 June 2015
The arms are still freaking blue; they are NOT listening.}}

===Magi-Chan in Super Smash Bros.===
{{quotebox|10 June 2015
[[File:MagiChanSuperSmashBros.jpg|300px|thumb|right]]
<nowiki>#‎MagiChanSonichu‬'s</nowiki> choice is Mewtwo, Ness or Lucas.

And just as Magi-Chan has stated in his testimonial through me, until ‪#‎SEGA‬ changes [[Sonic the Hedgehog|‪#‎SonictheHedgehog]]‬'s arm colour back to tan in Everything ‪#‎SonicBoom‬, including the just announced title, each individual associated and responsible for the three games and cartoon show shall suffer from constant and inconsistent sensory overloads.

Good Day.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/fixSonicsArmsImmediatelySEGA/

Aside from that, let's vote for ‪#‎Sonichu‬ to be a DLC character in ‪#‎SuperSmashBros‬., for future possibilities of More Sonichu and ‪#‎Rosechu‬ Stories directly from me, in addition to potential comic pages, I would appreciate that.

https://cp.nintendo.co.jp/us/}}

MagiChan says:

{{quoteboxgreen|
Mewtwo. I appreciated his mentorship in teaching and aid perfecting my Psychic, telekenetic, mind-reading and control, Future-Seeing powers, abilities, and all other Great Mental Powers. But, as his Amiibo figure is yet to be available, as well as Lucas, I am resorted with the chip of Ness in Christine's crafted Amiibo figure of myself. She was able to put together one of each of us main electric-hedgehog characters in this dimension that is perfectly synched with your own, through Christine Weston Chandler's mind, blood and soul. This, our own Prime Dimension and Universe, can not be altered in any shape and form by anyone else's hand or mind. And in our matched dimensions, while his attire has changed, Sonic the Hedgehog's arm colour has never been changed or altered. And until SEGA changes the arm colour back to Tan in the upcoming "Fire&Ice" game, in the "Rise of Lyric" and "Shattered Crystal" games with Software Update Data, and in every single episode of the "Sonic Boom" cartoon show, all individuals, past and present, involved in everything "Sonic Boom", minus the Sonic CD game, will each suffer from constant and inconsistent mental sensory overloads. Good Day.}}

Waterman asked:

{{quoteboxred|Will you make a [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robee Sonichu]] amiibo?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|Well, with the return of the blue arm bandits behind these Sonic Booms occupying our minds and [[stress|stressing]] me, we may never know, will we?}}

Waterman asked for clarification:

{{quoteboxred|... you mean we'll never know, until you make one? The blue arms stressing you is stopping you from making it?}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Yeah, among other problems.}}

===Amiibo Expenses===
Here he explained what he meant by the "other problems" he mentioned to Waterman in the above post.

{{quotebox|10 June 2015
[[File:Amiibo.jpg|thumb|300px|center]]
The reason I am hesitant on offering figures of the rest of my electric-hedgehog Pokémon, is because of possible, past undetermined, higher costs to make each of them. In particular, [[Angelica Rosechu|Angelica]] needs not only Pit's figure's chip, but the wings as well. Little Mac is extremely rare, and Ness is rare too. It takes three figures to make up [[Black Sonichu|Blake]] and Magi-Chan figures. And to better describe that was the reasoning behind the favorite fighter characters the past few weeks. Thank you.}}

===No, Not That Catherine===
"Legit Lady Gamers" asked the community what they thought of the game "[[Catherine]]." Chris offered:

{{quotebox|10 June 2015
I have played it for a while. I enjoyed the charms and sexualities of both Catherines in the story. I liked the platform puzzles, but I would have delighted it better if instead of the guy, I could have wandered the blocks as either Catherine. ;)

Anyhoo, I would rate the game a 4/5.}}

===Disapproval===
Chris did not think that a joke made on the "SEGA Nerds" page was funny.

{{quoteboxgreen|
[[File:SanicAmiibo.jpg|thumb|150px|left]]}}

{{quotebox|11 June 2015
No. Just, No. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>}}

===Two Reminders===
Chris shared an [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!#Suggestions for getting arrested|old post]] from his protest group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

{{quotebox|11 June 2015
A reminder.}}

He also reposted his [[December 2014 Facebook Posts#Shit, Meet Fan|long defense]] of the behavior which had gotten him [[26 December 2014|arrested]].

{{quotebox|11 June 2015
Just a reminder.}}

===Wordplay===
For some reason, a radio station requested that people post "your full name without an E,F,R,S,K,I,M,L,C,A,Y,N." Chris amused himself by posting:

{{quotebox|12 June 2015
Ht Wto Hd}}

===The Difference Between Justified and Unjustified Transformations===

{{quotebox|12 June 2015
On the other topic, changing the gender on my alter [[Chris-chan Sonichu|(Chris Chan) Sonichu]] Form HAS a good reason: the [[Christian Weston Chandler|REAL Me]] is of Female Soul and Identity; my self-character MATCHES AND HAS TO MATCH, and like those [[Anime Wings|removable clip-on wings]], the transformation changes along as well.

There is NO Reason or Justification WHATSOEVER in [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s Arm Colour!}}

===Chris Gives SEGA an Out===

{{quotebox|12 June 2015
If SEGA can give me Ten valid Reasons (with at lease One Good Reason) to justify the arm colour change (no less), NOT counting to "Modernize" Sonic or to make Sonic "appealing to the younger generations", I may reconsider.}}

===No and Shut Up===
Another update on the new Sonic Boom game was posted on "SEGA Nerds," and Chris replied:

{{quotebox|12 June 2015
Change his arm colour back to tan already!!!}}

A [[ween]] responded:

{{quoteboxgreen|Fuckin stop.}}

Chris shot back:

{{quotebox|No, and shut up.}}

===Pony Facial Expressions===
On the page "Derpy Hooves and Friends - Friendship is Muffins," someone posted a collage of facial expressions made by the [[My Little Pony|ponies]] on the show. Chris asked:

{{quotebox|12 June 2015
Fluttershy from MNFBKDiscord episode; What DOES that facial expression mean?}}

===Vaginal Outlines===
{{quotebox|12 June 2015
Do you know who Likes me? These Women Like Me! I was at the Boom Boom Burlesque Show Friday Night, and Zhora Nova was quite taken with my audience support and participation. On stage, I acted a drown quite well. I applied naraja lip balm with [[Un-clit|vaginal outlines]]. And I flexed muscles and booty. Not only was I awarded a couple of blow pops, but I also [[Chris and contests|won the raffle]], complete with a Trophy and a Tiara, among other most valuable prizes. And Kisses and hugs were shared with great delight. :)

And I also made more [[Gal-pals|women friends]], as well as met with a couple of other recent women friends once again as well.

Thank You All, Ladies, for a Most Fabulous And Fun Night, and for becoming my new friends too! [blowing kiss emoji]

<center><gallery>
File:Burlesque1.jpg
File:Burlesque2.jpg
File:Burlesque3.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

Kenneth wrote:

{{quoteboxgreen|Damn. Looks like you're becoming the life of the party.}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|Damn Lesbian Strait!}}

Rowan Dunston wrote:

{{quoteboxred|Awesome! Go girl, did you find any cuties to take home or at least get some phone numbers? :D}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|Yes I did.}}

Three hours later Chris made a follow-up post:

{{quotebox|12 June 2015
I want to bring up that the burlesque show and performances were Outstanding. Lovely and divine dresses for the Summer theme. All of the ladies looked fabulous. The improv at the moments were delightful. Their striptease movements were smooth and fluid; met beyond what I was expecting for my first Burlesque show. The prop comedies within were a fun bonus. And the audience participation bits were thought out very well with the theme.

If the advertisement on the event page is correct, there could be an encore performance tonight, the 13th at 12:30 AM a at Impulse after the Drag Show (call ahead to confirm). To see their performance is Totally worth the trip, and the tips. :)}}

He then gave The Boom Boom Room an official 5-star review.

===Who Needs Spoiler Alerts?===
{{quotebox|13 June 2015
[[File:DerpyMuffinsB.jpg|thumb|right]]
"Derpy, thy name is Muffins."

Ditzy ‪#‎Derpy‬ Bubbly Doo MailMare... The credits show her name as... Muffins. Ah... The staff had better have a Good Reason behind naming her Muffins. Oh well, her Ship with Doctor Whooves is Confirmed as well. Now, they have to Name another Pegasus Ditzy Doo.

Fun episode, still. Looking forward to the next episode.}}

===Don't Get Too Dark===
Chris wasted no time in offering advice to one of his new burlesque performer gal-pals, "Jane Ostentatious." On her page she posted:

{{quoteboxred|
[[File:BurlesqueGalPal.jpg|thumb|left]]
Baltimore peeps, come to Club Orpheus to meet dark Jane. The transformation has begun!}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|13 June 2015
Don't get too dark; you'd blend into the night, or otherwise have moodiness take over.}}

===Eye Test===
Chris found a visual puzzle which asked, "What Number Do you see??" Chris answered:

{{quotebox|14 June 2015
571}}

===Pristinely Not Perfect===
{{quotebox|14 June 2015
I just looked up the definition of "pristine": clean, perfect, mint condition, spotless, to name a few words.

I like being clean after my [[Chris and health#Hygiene|daily shower]] with [[Hair|shampoo]], conditioner, soap and water.

But aside from that, "I am pristinely not perfect". :D}}

===Reverb in Trib===
Someone posted photos of androgynous actress [[Wikipedia:Ruby Rose|Ruby Rose]] with the caption, "when u think ur straight but then ruby rose comes and confuses you." Chris agreed:

{{quotebox|14 June 2015
It took me a moment after seeing her photos. The boyish look on her threw me off, but hell yeah! She is a DJ I would reverb in trib good. ;)}}

===Leapin' Lesbian Lizards!===
Chris read on "Lizzy the Lezzy" (one of his new favorite pages) about a lizard species that consists of only females. He joked:

{{quotebox|15 June 2015
They certainly top the Bonobos monkeys as wild animal Lesbians. LOL}}

===A Thought Out Thought===
{{quotebox|16 June 2015
Here's another fun "Thought Out Thought".

In regards to me being a female soul, and that I still feel a greater attraction, and turn on, from women, versus the males. I do consider myself a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ from that. Because, if I had been attracted to males, my female soul would be plainly one amongst the majority of female souls (regardless of body), and I would only be a ‪#‎Transwoman‬.

And Vice-Versa with the male souls in the female bodies: should those souls, like other males, still be attracted to women, than I feel they would be simply ‪#‎Transmale‬. They would have [[homos|"‪#‎gay‬"]] added onto them if their male souls were attracted to other males.

The soul identities, and determining the additional possible adjective(s) to add on, is quite an interesting thing to learn and figure out for yourselves, and myself.

It is Not to say that all transgender people Have to be secondarily labeled, but that is the difference between sexual identity and preference there.

I had to further ponder on the topic to answer the question with one of my [[gal pals|woman friends]], on how did I determine and conclude myself to be a female soul, as well as a lesbian. So that was one reason I felt it beneficial to other fellow ‪#‎Transgender‬ individuals out there to share this thought. Including [[Wikipedia:Caitlyn Jenner|‪#‎CaitlynJenner]]‬, who I learned from the [[Wikipedia]] article was classifying herself as [[Chris and sex#Is Chris asexual?|asexual]] during her transition. An admirable choice for until when should she better understands herself. Kudos to her and everyone else transitioning and learning.

Have a good and safe day.}}

===Gold Coin for Sale===
On 17 June, Chris provided a link to his [[Ebay]] account, where he was trying to sell a "1990 American Silver Eagle 999 Silver 1oz Dollar Coin" for $30.

===Chris on Armpit Hair===
Chris replied to an article posted on "Lizzy the Lezzy" claiming the existence of a trend among women not to shave their armpits:

{{quotebox|20 June 2015
Personally, I hold no ill will against what [[Brassieres For Males|choices individual people make]] for themselves. And I, for one, feel my choice of continuing to shave my [[Hair#Body hair|body hair]] off is better. I feel like the carpets look scraggy and drab on me, and I feel less itchy without the armpit and body hairs scratching whatever else of myself rubs on it.

Seriously, I am even considering buying a NoNo device to more permanently remove my body hair.}}

===Flying Elephants===
"Lizzy the Lezzy" also posted a humorous comment thread about sexualities which ended with the question, "When did this become a game of Chess?" Chris replied with some [[random-access humor]]:

{{quotebox|20 June 2015
When the Queen takes Joan of Arc into either Rook.}}

===Feeling Better===
Someone [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.860866747334635.1073741833.490962390991741&type=3 posted] a series of 12 illustrations telling the story of someone who opens her heart, gets it crushed, and becomes emotionally devastated. Chris obviously noticed it because of its blatant [[heart level|heart]] symbolism. He commented:

{{quotebox|20 June 2015
I had been down that emotional depth and depression for years. I feel a lot better about myself now.}}

===Here's My PIN Number===
"Legit Lady Gamers" announced a [[contest]] to win five gaming-related shot glasses. Contestants were required to enter a number between 1 and 85,000. Chris entered:

{{quotebox|20 June 2015
4,603}}

===New eBay Account===
Note that he uses the word "fresh" three times. Because it's a synonym for "pristine," get it?

{{quotebox|22 June 2015
I have just created a fresh [[ebay]] account, pristinechristine1982, to start fresh on my selling limits and all. But at the moment, I can list only up to ten items. I am starting simple with [[Autographed Photos]] of myself. Like before, you are welcome to choose from the samples provided. And this time, every photograph will include a fresh personal pen drawing, regardless of destination.

Thank you.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/281729962863?}}

He soon made two additions to this post:
{{quotebox|
<nowiki>**</nowiki>I will have a batch of Sonichu [[Medallions]] listed for next month. Everyone will be of great help to us here by buying an Autographed Photo, plus Bonus Drawing, while I am able to right now.}}
{{quotebox|
<nowiki>**</nowiki>I did not mean to have "Make Offer" on the listing; my bad.}}

===A House is not a Vagina===
Chris linked to a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vErJFmUF7DM video] called "Geraldine" and wrote:

{{quotebox|24 June 2015
I read in a book a story about a woman who she and her spouse bought a house that was not the best, yet all they could afford. She hated the defragmented portions of the house so much. But then she replaced "hate" with "grateful", as well as added hat she deserved a better house. And then eventually the house was improved one step at a time and became her dream house.

If things were that easy, I would say "I'm grateful for my [[duck|penis]]. But I deserve a full-functioning [[China|vagina]]", and have an overnight metamorphosis like Geraldine.

Hmm.}}

===Let's Trade Genitalia===
On "Lizzy the Lezzy," a transgendered man named Victor complained about how difficult it is to find a "soulmate" with "the wrong body." Chris agreed:

{{quotebox|25 June 2015
Me too; I would like to be able to show a lesbian woman what I can do for her, and how I can emote and make her feel too. But I tend to feel they aren't seeing the female and lesbian soul of mine, but are focusing on the [[duck|Grateful part]] I was born with. I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning [[China|vagina]].

A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.}}

Someone asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Christian, you seem to always talk about vaginas and wanting women when you talk about your "transistion". Are you sure you're not mistaking your feminine soul as "if I'm a woman, then women will have sex with me"?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime. I never could appreciate the male's Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Chris and fashion|fashions]], makeup, [[Adam & Eve|shopping]], [[Autism|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Chris and negotiation|looking to resolve problems reasonably]].}}

===Votes for Women===
Hillary Clinton posted a campaign video in defense of gay marriage. Chris replied:

{{quotebox|25 June 2015
Another darn good reason for her to get my vote anyway! :)}}

===Kick the HEXBox!===
"Legit Lady Gamers" posted an image of a pink [[HEXBox|Xbox One]] "for women." Chris predictably replied:

{{quotebox|25 June 2015
I would prefer a pink PS4.}}

===Birthday Scenario Game===
"Legit Lady Gamers" posted a game asking people to "match up the scenario for your birth month & character for your day." For his month, Chris got "Handcuffed (for life) to" and for the 24th, Frank West. He commented:

{{quotebox|25 June 2015
"Handcuffed to Frank West". Who?}}

After apparently finding out, he added:

{{quotebox|Well, hopefully my soul will stay within the zombified body handcuffed to Frank, so he would have his own zombie repellent with me.}}

===I Feel [Insert Emotion Here]===
A writer named Mark Morford posted a list of "23 Emotions People Feel, But Can't Explain," using neologisms. Chris shared the list and wrote:

{{quotebox|25 June 2015
What an inspiring bunch of new adjectives to feel.}}

Of course, it's a list of nouns, not adjectives.

===Shocking Lack of Self-Awareness===
On 26 June 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris's two cents:

{{quotebox| 26 June 2015
Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|‪#‎PridependenceDay]]‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime. I never could appreciate the [[JERKS|male]]'s Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Chris and Fashion|fashions]], [[Tomgirl Pictures|makeup]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|shopping]], [[Autism|empathy]], identifying feelings and looking to [[26 December 2014|resolve problems reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Megan Schroeder|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant tidings to an [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|all woman party]].

‪<nowiki>#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬</nowiki>}}

===Eyes Make the Man===
Chris shared a clickbait photo claiming that "People with green or blue eyes are hyper and love to laugh. They tend to be quiet at first, but once you get to know them they never shut up. They're loyal and like long, committed relationships. They make amazing friends." Chris responded:

{{quotebox|26 June 2015
[[Heterochromia|One Blue, One Green; That is me!]]}}

===Another Failed Chance for Self-Promotion===
To celebrate the momentous day, "Lizzy the Lezzy" requested rainbow-ized selfies and arranged them in a collage. She apologized, "Sorry if yours didn't make it - there were just so many i couldn't grab them all!" Chris whined:

{{quotebox|27 June 2015
Mine's not in there.}}

===Random-Access Swedish===
Chris's high school classmate Richie Grecki posted an image of the Swedish Chef to illustrate a point:

{{quoteboxgreen|
[[File:Swedish chef.jpg|left|thumb]]
This is pretty much what I'm starting to see when people post their opinions on gay marriage and confederate flag issues. Seriously, it's getting very old. Everyone has their own opinions, great. Stop posting about it on here so we can all see how non judgmental you are about gay marriage but how judgemental you are about the Confederate flag. Shut up! Let's go back to posting cat pictures, and pictures of food.}}

Chris incomprehensibly replied:

{{quotebox|28 June 2015
DA DER DA DERP TA TITTILY DERP DERPY DUMB

"Rated PG-13"}}

===Beyond Self-Parody===
"LGBT News" posted a joke. Ever the epitome of cluelessness, Chris responded:

{{quotebox|28 June 2015
[[File:Thumb-penis ratio.jpg|thumb|right|200px]]
I read the entire text.

I disagree on the thumb length ratio; my thumb is too long. Maybe Twice the length.

Regardless, I am grateful for my penis, but I Deserve a Vagina.}}

===What was that you were saying about self-control?===
Viralwomen.com posted a [http://viralwomen.com/post/what_if_we_treated_other_consent_situations_like_society_treats_sexual_consent comic] asking the question, "What if We Treated Other Consent Situations Like Society Treats Sexual Consent?" The point is that people respond to sexual situations with a pushiness that would not be accepted in other aspects of life. Of course, Chris didn't get it at all:

{{quotebox|28 June 2015
This is a lot of rudeness; I do not like these comics, and I am less sure of the topic headline it was trying to convey.}}

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

Chandler Cats

2015-06-26T00:07:17Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least five '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Lucy is the only one of the cats confirmed to still be alive as of [[2015]]. The status of the others is currently unknown, although at least one of them perished in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] that destroyed the Chandler home in [[2014]].

==Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

Desi is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in an e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''', or '''Scampers''', is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that she was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scampers was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Very little info about her exists, except that, like Desi, she was not house-trained and shit everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scampers was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> She showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in [[January 2014]] and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

{{-}}

===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 [[December 2004]], as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]].

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of [[2013]] thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Nothing is known of Skittles, but given the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], s/he was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

{{-}}

===Kitty===

[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5, the final cat (or at least the last cat of whom there are photos) of the CWC feline family. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really gave a shit about, evidenced by the fact that it was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kittty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] also included a character named Kitty Rosechu, who was supposed to be Chris's take on the ''[[Asperchu]]'' version of [[Bubbles]].

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]]
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Chandler Cats

2015-06-25T23:59:29Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Scamper */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least five '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Lucy is the only one of the cats confirmed to still be alive as of [[2015]]. The status of the others is currently unknown, although at least one of them perished in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] that destroyed the Chandler home in 2014.

==Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

Desi is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in an e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''', or '''Scampers''', is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that she was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scampers was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Very little info about her exists, except that, like Desi, she was not house-trained and shit everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scampers was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> She showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

{{-}}

===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]].

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of 2013 thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Nothing is known of Skittles, but given its the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], s/he was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

{{-}}

===Kitty===

[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5, the final cat (or at least the last cat of whom there are photos) of the CWC feline family. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really gave a shit about, evidenced by the fact that it was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kittty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court at on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] also included a character named Kitty Rosechu, who was supposed to be Chris's take on the ''[[Asperchu]]'' version of [[Bubbles]].

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]]
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Chandler Cats

2015-06-25T23:57:30Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Cats */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least five '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Lucy is the only one of the cats confirmed to still be alive as of [[2015]]. The status of the others is currently unknown, although at least one of them perished in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] that destroyed the Chandler home in 2014.

==Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

Desi is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in an e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''', or '''Scampers''', is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that she was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scampers was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Very little info about her exists, except that, like Desi, she was not house-trained and shit everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scampers was still living at 14 Branchland Court at on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> She showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

{{-}}

===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]].

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of 2013 thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Nothing is known of Skittles, but given its the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], s/he was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

{{-}}

===Kitty===

[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5, the final cat (or at least the last cat of whom there are photos) of the CWC feline family. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really gave a shit about, evidenced by the fact that it was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kittty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court at on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] also included a character named Kitty Rosechu, who was supposed to be Chris's take on the ''[[Asperchu]]'' version of [[Bubbles]].

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]]
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

2014 house fire

2015-06-25T23:46:50Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Chris's Timeline of Events */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|FIRE! 2:00 AM. [[Jerkop|911]] arrived ten minutes later. Did everything they could; started downstairs; [[Mass debating|bathroom]]; electrical; made it to the roof. Considering EVERYTHING, but [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]], [[Clover and Snoopy|both dogs]], [[Chris|me]], and [[Chandler Cats|Lucy]] and my [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]], shoes, clothes, whatnot on our backs made it out... Considered physically lost.|Chris, 10 January 2014}}

On 10 January 2014, [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]] was devastated by '''an early morning fire'''. Chris first mentioned it on [[Facebook]], and it was confirmed later that day when [[Charlottesville]]'s local CBS affiliate WCAV-TV broadcast a brief news report on the incident.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fire at 14 Branchland Court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qkYnMRh26Oo}}
}}

==The Fire==
Shortly after the fire, leaked emails and Facebook posts from Chris helped set up his version of the timeline of events that fateful night. Naturally, what we heard from Chris and what was written in the official fire report obtained months later were quite different. Chris initially claimed that the fire started around 2:00 A.M.; however, the official report states that the 911 call wasn't received until 2:44 A.M. This is in line with what WCAV reported as well.

===Chris's Timeline of Events===
*'''2:00 EST''': According to Chris, this was approximately when the fire began.
*'''2:00-2:10''': Chris claimed that a fire extinguisher was present or was retrieved, and that there was an attempt to extinguish the fire, which ultimately failed. After the failed attempt to extinguish the fire, Chris evacuated the household, along with Barbara and the Chandler pets. Sometime during this period, emergency services were called.
*'''2:10''': Local firefighters arrive at the scene.

===Actual Timeline of Events===
[[File:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris's house on fire. This photo is believed to have been taken around 4:00 A.M., more than an hour after the fire started.]]
The official fire report states that Chris's 911 call was actually [[Chris and reality|received at 2:44 A.M.]] and that fire personnel were on scene about 15 minutes later. WCAV stated the fire started around 3:00am. Almost immediately, the fire department asked for additional support to help fight the fire. The fire was put out by 6 A.M., and the scene was cleared by 7:00 A.M.

*'''2:45''': Dispatch tones 4 fire stations (Dyke, Ruckersville, Standardsville Fire, and Greene County Rescue Squad.) Dispatch relays "Fire in the downstairs bathroom."
*'''3:01''': Dispatcher relays that a lot of smoke is coming from the basement and flames are visible at the top of the steps.
*'''3:01''': Engine 11 requests Orange Company provide additional manpower.
*'''3:05''': Engine 21 is on scene and reports heavy smoke.
*'''3:06''': Engine 11 is on scene
*'''3:13''': BVille (Burtonville?) Fire has been called for support.
*'''3:37''': Command requests dispatch contact the power company.
*'''3:45''': The fire has been burning for at least an hour at this point.
*'''3:47''': Station 2 is called for additional manpower.
*'''3:53''': Station 1 is called for additional manpower.
*'''4:05''': Heavy fire coming through roof.
*'''4:07''': Command requests Hollymead for additional manpower.
*'''4:45''': The fire has been burning for about two hours at this point.
*'''4:47''': Madison County contacted for additional personnel.
*'''5:00''': Rescue 401 leaves scene to transport one patient (Probably the injured firefighter) to Martha Jefferson Hospital.
*'''5:22''': Chris first breaks the news about the house fire on Facebook. He commented twice on the post in quick succession, lamenting the loss of personal belongings and the memories of his home, as well as stating he was able to salvage his mother's medication and his wallet. At the time of the posting, he was boarding with a generous neighbor.
*'''5:45''': The fire started three hours before this point
*'''5-57-7:11''': All the remaining units on-scene are cleared to return to their stations.
*'''7:10''': Chris posted an angry comment on [[Wikipedia:Keurig|Keurig]]'s Facebook page, producer of the coffee brewer, blaming faulty wiring in the product for creating the spark that created the fire. Chris then admitted to operating the coffee brewer within the bathroom after responding to a comment from his friend [[William Elliott Waterman]], who vainly tried to calm Chris down and not seek vengeance so soon after the fire.
*'''Later''': An e-mail from Chris is released giving more information about the event. It is revealed that Chris and Barbara were allowed to enter the house and retrieve [[Lego|necessities]] for living from the house, and are currently receiving [[Rental House|accommodation]] from their insurer while investigation and "repairs" are conducted.

<center>{{collapsible
|Fire Report
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:FireReport001.jpg
File:FireReport002.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

There is no official word as to the cause of the fire, but the person who leaked the above fire report documents claims that it was caused by a spark from an extension cord run through the bathroom door, the plastic coating of which had worn away.<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fire-report-docs.4849/#post-337450</ref> Chris admitted to [[Catherine]] that he was using an extension cord in the bathroom to plug in a Keurig coffee maker located in an adjacent room. The cord was looped over the top of the door, and the friction caused by the motion of the door had abraded the cord, starting the fire. Chris claimed that the brewer was off when the fire started, although he admitted that [[Honor roll|it wasn't unplugged]]. Why the Chandlers had an extension cord running out of the bathroom to plug in a coffee maker is anyone's guess, but it probably has something to do with Barb's hoarding. It is worth noting that in [[Tour of Chris's House II|Chris's recent video tour of his home]], coffee cups are spotted around his bathroom sink, suggesting that the bathroom has become the primary source of water. Said video also shows the blatant fire hazard that was his home, with piles of paper and plastic inside a barely standing structure of dry wood.

==Victims and survivors==
Chris reports that he, his mother, and his pets Clover, Snoopy and Lucy escaped the blaze unharmed. Unfortunately, one of his cats was killed in the blaze, and was discovered by the cleaners. Chris buried it in the backyard. It is unknown whether this was Scamper or Kitty, or what happened to the other cat before the fire, but it is likely that this death gives Chris nowhere near as much pain as the death of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]] did.

According to the news report, one of the firefighters suffered minor, unspecified injuries while putting out the fire. Considering how difficult it had been for Chris to navigate his junk-ridden hallways, it is likely that, in the rush to fight the fire, one firefighter may have tripped over the clutter or initiated an avalanche of [[navy]]-coated bric-a-bracs. Chris told Catherine and Al that firefighters were unable to enter the house through either door because of the hoard, and had to climb in through windows.

=== Firefighters ===
Unlike the local police departments of Greene County, Chris has historically been ambivalent towards firefighters. However, in the aftermath of the house fire, Chris and his mother both apparently blame the "greedy firefighters" for the absence of some of their personal possessions (which included a cheap knock-off painting and Barb's purse), effectively accusing them of theft. This information was revealed in an [[Misc_E-mails#Greedy_Firefighter|email]] leak after the incident. Insinuating that one of the brave and selfless firefighters who saved his home openly [[Chris and his Ego|stole from him]], especially when there were no grounds whatsoever for his implications, was a new low even for Chris. Once again, Chris showed complete ingratitude for anyone who tries to help him. Only time will tell if the Ruckersville Fire Department will again play a major part in Chris's pathetic life.

==Extent of destruction==
[[File:14305011100_debcde366f_b.jpg|thumb|Photo of the melted Lego Manchester High School, taken within the house on 11 Jan 2014.]]
It can be assumed that the Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to save his wallet, medication for his mother, some clothes and shoes, and his iPhone (as shown in [[Brushfire Video|a later video supposedly uploaded through YouTube Capture]]). Soon after the fire, Chris was also observed on [[Miiverse]], suggesting that he managed to save his Wii U or at least one of his [[3DS]]'s. He was also seen on his PSN, showing that he either still had his [[PS3]], or that he promptly acquired another. He even had his old [[PSEye]], as shown in videos like [[To Mr. Smith]].

Chris stated on Facebook that everything else was "considered physically lost." However, he later revealed to Catherine that his mother had rented a storage unit to hold items which had been recovered from the house. Al and Catherine also noted that the rental house was piled high with boxes and trash. As is typical of hoarders, Barb probably decided that much that was burned or water-damaged was actually salvageable.

A troll visited the house two days after the fire, and found that while the exterior structure of the house appeared largely intact, there was apparently sufficient damage to the roof that it had to be covered over with plastic cladding. Some of the exterior wood paneling had also warped and twisted, presumably due to being near where the fire was burning at its strongest, though due to the house's exact layout being unknown, it's hard to say where exactly this was. The house's windows had been boarded over (as is standard in house fires of this kind), making it impossible to get any exact details on the house's interior condition.

It is unclear to what extent Chris's personal possessions survived the flames. The [[Lego]] [[Manchester High School|High School]] escaped only partially melted, and he was able to use some of the smoky pieces to reconstruct the structure. He also employed his creative geinus to build an [[ReBrick#Billboard Person from Melting Chaos|original sculpture]] out of the damaged pieces. Two copies of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] yearbooks survived, albeit with smoke and water damage. At least one of his [[Pixelblocks]] creations made it. At least one [[medallion]] survived. In reply to a comment on his [[eBay]] auction of his autographed photos, Chris confirmed that the [[Chris and fashion|"Classic" shirt]] was lost in the flames. No word yet on the original [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]] and Chris's other [[Chris and art|art]], [[the Wall of Originals]], the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and [[Crumple-Lope]], the [[Megatron pistol]], the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon Poster]], the portal to [[CWCville]], the [[Attraction Sign]]s, the [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]], and the [[Plush Breasts]].

Over his year in exile, Chris bought multiple Lego sets to replace those lost. He also bought Uncut ''Sailor Moon'' DVDs to replace the ones he gifted to Megan some seven years prior.

==The Return of Chris's House==
On 3 [[December 2014]], Chris announced that 14 Branchland Court was being reconstructed, and by [[January 2015]] he was safely moved back in. Between those dates, however, he was forced to briefly stay at [[26 December 2014|Albemarle Regional Jail]].

==See also==
* [[January 2014 Facebook Posts]] - Facebook posts Chris posted about the house fire.
* [[Misc E-mails]] - E-mails exchanged between Chris and his classmates about the house fire.
* [[Rental House]] - The Chandlers' temporary household after the incident.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris's house]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:28:57Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie has been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:27:37Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie has been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[A Girl Who Brought Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:27:10Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie has been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[A Girl Who Brouht Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:26:00Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie has been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[A Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:20:53Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie has been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:20:09Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:18:00Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Argentum */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding off the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:15:44Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Bionic the Hedgehog */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Asperchu/Background

2015-06-25T10:14:18Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Groovan */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, he would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/21069]

===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends, but Asperchu seems to have failed to notice him before then due to him blending in to the background.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in other stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/482] for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]), and his hairstyle is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:OrganizationXIII#Xemnas|Xemnas]] of the ''[[Wikipedia:Kingdom Hearts|Kingdom Hearts]]'' series and/or [[Wikipedia:Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)|Sephiroth]] from the [[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy|Final Fantasy]] series.

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; He also represents some of Chris's [[Chris and religion|religious]] beliefs, such as his fear of [[Niggos|darkies]] and [[Homos|homogays]], aside from [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. John and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash
Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure.[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/231] She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperance
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

== References ==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia](Site down)

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

June 2015

2015-06-25T02:07:16Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Events of June */

{{Ongoing}}
{{quote|Maybe, but only if we give Sonichu blue arms, three scarves, and ultimately just redesign him as Big the Cat.|Chris being mocked by [[Sonic the Hedgehog|his hero]] on [[Twitter]]}}
[[File:CallMeChristine.jpg|thumb|right|On '''7 June 2015''', Chris advises you call him Chris''tine''.]]

'''June''' is the 6th month of '''[[2015]]'''. [[Chris]]'s ''next'' court date took place on 11 June, and got delayed '''yet again''' to 23 [[July 2015|July]]. This month commences the start of summer, which Chris'll most likely spend playing [[vidya]] and loitering at the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]], provided that he doesn't get sentenced. It is also the month that scientists discover the [[Sonichu 10|"homo gene."]]

==Events of June==
* 3 June - Chris once again pesters his [[fans]] on [[Facebook]] to get [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] into ''Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and [[Nintendo]] [[3DS]]'', and also announces that he has more [[Sonichu Amiibo]] made.
* 3 June - Chris also shows (once again) his disapproval for ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* 4 June - Chris posts a photo to Facebook revealing that a slip of his [[pocket knife]] resulted in a bad cut and a trip to the emergency room.
* 6 June - Chris yet again pesters his [[white knights]] to get Sonichu in ''Super Smash Bros.''
* 7 June - Chris discovers the trend of transwomen making [[parody]] ''Vanity Fair'' magazine covers of themselves, and as such creates his own.
* 8 June - Chris changes his [[voicemail]].
* 9 June - The next ''[[Sonic Boom]]'' game is announced. Chris [[Chris and anger|disapproves]] and even [[Death threats|threatens]] [[Sega]] producer [[Omar Woodley]].
* 9 June - Chris shares a link to an article that says social media should stop [[Clyde Cash the kid video|cyberbullying]].
* 9 June - Chris once again shows no apologetic shame for [[26 December 2014]], and purchases a blue-armed Sonic doll [[Chris and money|just to tear its arms off]].
* 10 June - Chris's white knights refuse to help him this time with his hatred of blue arms. [[Kim Wilson]] and Mellanie Chafe say that he could just cover the blue arms with cream-colored felt, and that attacking people with Mace is assault. Kim also mockingly says "Oh wow, where'd you get that plush? Did you steal it?"
* 10 June - [[Sega]] acknowledges Sonichu and Chris's existence for the [[Chris in the media#Sega Acknowledges Sonichu|second time]], and mocks his reaction to [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic having blue arms]].<ref>https://archive.is/eWfjQ</ref>
* 10 June - Chris attends the LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night event in [[Charlottesville]].
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''. Chris was said to have been uncharacteristically normal and sociable.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERK]] body.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 13 June - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[My Little Pony|Derpy Hooves]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins", and posts a screenshot of her scene in the ''MLP:FiM'' episode "Slice of Life" that is unbelievably [[Chris and cinematography|overexposed]]. He also shows his complete unwillingness to at least add some spoiler tags.
* 15 June - Chris posts a picture of 2 lizards in amplexus (which is against [[Facebook]] rules even though it got past the radar) and rambles on about his [[tomgirl]] status.
* 17 June - Chris sells a "1990 American Silver Eagle .999 Silver 1oz Dollar Coin" on [[eBay]].
* 20 June - Chris joins a Legit Lady Gamers [[contest]].
* 21 June - [[Father]]'s Day.
* 23 June - Chris creates a new [[Ebay]] account pristinechristine1982, selling more [[autographed photos]] of [[Chris and his ego|himself]].
* 23 June - Chris shares a photo to avoid catching the Derpies.
* 23 June - Chris announces on Facebook that new [[Medallion|Sonichu medallions]] shall be listed next month.
* 23 June - Chris shares a video called "Geraldine", about a transgender woman.
* 30 June - [[Club Nintendo]] will shut down in America.

==References==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}

Third date

2015-06-22T19:03:27Z

PerhapsGlowing:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quote|first date: [[McDonalds]], [[Burger King]], Arby's, etc; it would be a mutual choice between the two of us. Second Date; [[Obesity|CiCi's Pizza, Golden Corral]], etc. and a movie and/or a walk in the park. Third Date: mutual choice restraunt, mutual choice shopping, movie, walk or other, and hopefully, if she wanted to, snuggle and beyond.|Chris, [[IRC (18 December 2008)]]}}
[[Image:ThirdDateComic.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris, for once in his life, reacts the way anybody would to [[Bionic]]'s faggotry]]
The '''third date''' is the date upon which [[Chris]] believes [[hanky-panky]] must occur.
==Background==
Chris has often shown that he wants to [[Autism|quantify things which, by the rest of the world's standards, can't be measured with numbers or any other exact reckoning.]] His [[heart level]] and his [[Scale of Respect]] are key examples. In the same way, despite the fact that in his entire life he has only been on [[Two's company snapshots|two]] [[Emily|dates]] (and they were both [[troll]] setups), he has mapped out his dating plans precisely. The first two dates are spent getting to know one another and the third date ends with [[sex]].

Chris has often shown that his ideas about [[Chris and Sex|sex]] are just as skewed as his thinking about any other aspect of relationships. In this case, he seems to believe that sex is almost like a fee paid after the couple has been together three times. It's hardly unusual, as Chris has often seemed to act as if he views sex as payment (during his friendship with [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], for instance) as opposed to a mutual expression between partners.

As with many times he's brought up sex, his fantasies sound a lot more like coercion or [[rape]] than what goes on between a loving couple.

==Rationale==

The "third date rule" or "three-date rule" is a notion common in popular writing about sex and relationships. Variations include the fifth-date rule, the second-date rule, and others, but it's most often remarked that one should wait until the third date ''at least'' before having sex, so as not to have an awkward relationship predicated on sex instead of [[TRUE and HONEST]] feelings (though one notable variation states the rule as that a relationship is not worth pursuing if both parties are not interested in sex by the third date).

While it's referred to as a "rule," no sane person would actually take the saying so seriously. It's more like a guideline, at best. Chris, being a long way from sane, seems to have twisted the idea into [[Autism|a rigid, unbreakable law]]. If he can make it through three dates with one woman, he '''will''' [[Chris_and_reality|get laid]].

==References by Chris==

{{quote|Sexual Education is good after '''Date #3''', but how does one even get to '''Date Number One?'''|Chris, in bold letters on the front page of [[CWCipedia]].<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Article&oldid=2627</ref>}}

Because Chris puts so much faith in the notion that date number three means guaranteed sex, references to this idea show up frequently in his writing and conversations.

* On the [[CWCipedia]] Christian briefly mentions that [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#Dating_Education Dating education] is needed because sex education is only useful "after 3 or so dates".
* Likewise, in his [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|chat]] with [[Vivian Gee]], Chris declared that "Sex Ed is good for date 3 or beyond, but what is it that has to be done before then?"
* In a [[IRC_(18_December_2008)|fan chat]] from December 2008, Chris broke down his plans for three ideal dates, the third one concluding with "snuggle and beyond."
* [[Bionic]] expresses his belief in this rule before his first date with [[Megagi]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_2 Page 2] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']].
* In a [[Kacey Phone Call|phone call with Kacey]], Chris hopefully remarked, "Ah, date number three..." He then went into [[recycling|far too much detail]] about [[rape|what would happen there]].
* In [[Kacey Call 7|another call with Kacey]], after Chris mentions the third date rule, as he understands it, Kacey states that if, "somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert," and Chris quickly tries to backtrack.
* The course number for the [[Dating Education]] class in [[Sonichu|Sonichu (Comic)]] is DAT-303.
* Chris repeats, almost word to word, the above-quoted rationale for dating education in [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]].

==Exceptions==

Despite his frequent insistence that the third date mandates sex, Chris has proven himself unwilling to even wait that long. When asked by a sweetheart, to describe what their time together will be like, Chris delivers a [[For My Sweetest Ivy|point-by-point description]] of how the days will be spent (often talking about wandering around aimlessly, watching [[TV]], and playing [[video games]]. So, essentially, doing exactly what he does all the time). He is quick to remind a [[Sweetheart|girl]] that they can always go further "if she wants to", though the insistence is evident. Even when he isn't specific about what time the sex will occur, he always [[For My Sweetest Ivy|brings up]] that he's looking forward to sex, and thus making sure she's well aware that he has expectations which must be met.

In his [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Future_dates_with_Blanca|meticulous description]] of his plans for meeting [[Blanca Weiss]], Chris proposed having sex on their second evening together. Ever the gentleman, though, he added that he would be willing to wait until the third time if she so chose.

Chris's [[OkCupid]] profile takes this obsession with immediate sex a step further, saying that women should message him if "they're willing to get to [[Chris's room|the bedroom]] as quickly as right after the first date". Given that the same profile also demands that women meet him in person as soon as two days after the first online contact, Chris has effectively shortened his expectations from three official dates, to three days since the initial "hello." Needless to say, this aggressive stance on immediate sex has not gotten him anywhere.

Given how Chris is apt to take [[Attraction Sign|something that doesn't work]] and simply [[Fridays After Five|do it harder]], it was only a matter of time until Chris started to demand [[rape|absolutely no]] dates [[The Hook Cafe|at all]]. In [[Jackie E-mails 22]] Chris mentions how he realizes he is "not mentally ready for a relationship" and says that he "needs more socialization practice in real life for starters". However, even though he explicitly states that he doesn't want a relationship with Jackie, he still tells her that he wants to keep casual sex open as an option.

==References==
<references/>
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Chris and sex

2015-06-21T05:41:59Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Prostitution */

{{Honest}}
[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumbnail|Pictures tell a million words...and in this case, a ''bit too'' many.]]
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''') as well as '''gender''', mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, a sheltered upbringing, and the warped worldview he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex and gender==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his sex dolls [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Similar to [[Chris and religion|the topic of faith]], Chris's actual beliefs on gender are more complex than his stated beliefs. Over his life, he has developed a burning hatred of males [[JERKS#The list of males Chris doesn't hate|in general]], not unlike [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Aeverine_Nieves another autistic on ED] noted for his/her similarities to Chris. This likely spirals back to his bullying by other boys at school, not to mention the fact that Chris is known to fly into fits of [[Chris and his ego|jealous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] whenever he sees [[Liquid Chris|a man more successful than him]], especially if [[Clyde Cash|that]] [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|man]] [[Wes Iseli|is getting some]] and he isn't. Inversely, whenever trolls invented a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] for him, Chris would make [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|childish YouTube videos]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|wherein he would gloat]] to their supposed exes. Chris's infantile, jealousy-driven hatred of his own gender has even led him to label [[JERKS|all men]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|"barbarian[s]"]]. This bizarre view may also have contributed to his [[Tomgirl|decision to cross-dress]].

Inversely, Chris repeatedly asserts his reverence of women, and seems to have a comparatively glowing opinion of them, stating that he finds women "empathetic". But, as stated at the beginning of the section, the truth is more complicated. While Chris has always preferred female friends, and is known to be far more accommodating of lesbians than gay men, even going so far as to [[Chris and reality|identify as one himself]], in truth, Chris has a distinctly sexist view of [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. By all accounts, Chris seems to place all women into one of two categories - organic [[Officer Nasty|sex]] [[Kimmi|toys]] who exist to submit to his every desire, or [[Barb|mother]] [[Gal-pals|figures]] who exist to dote on him, keep his child-like, responsibility-free lifestyle sustainable, and nurse his wounded [[ego]] whenever the need arises.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. This seems to be hyperbole, but considering Chris' abysmal knowledge of the sciences, it is difficult to be sure.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical straight and non-straight behavior, too, insisting he is straight even as he acts like a stereotypical mincing, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] transsexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks "gay" is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

As of 2015, Chris has stated his preference for female pronouns, going so far as to dub himself "Christine Weston Chandler" on his Facebook. As of 11 February, 2015, Chris has started signing the medallions he sells on eBay with this name. From this it can be inferred that he was using the tomgirl label as a stepping stone into full blown transsexualism. Whether or not Chris is legitimately transsexual remains to be seen. As it is unlikely he will ever willingly see a therapist regarding his gender issues (or [[Chris and psychology|any]] [[Chris and anger|other]] [[Chris and health|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|his]] [[Chris and reality|issues]] for that matter), we may never have a definitive answer.

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seems to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before his alleged 'losing of virginity' incident.]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature, or a combination thereof.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is something all men need to experience in order to become complete adults.

As the act of sexual intercourse and relationships in general are fairly social activities, it's quite possible that Chris views the act of losing his virginity as something of a rite of passage--something he needs to do in order to validate his own sexuality and prove to the world that he's a capable "adult". Chris also fails to realize that relationships are give and take. Every sweetheart that Chris has had, which eventually turned out to be a troll involved long, received relentless emails and calls in which Chris prattled on and on about how much he "loved" them and how he was looking forward to finally having sex. After supposedly losing his virginity, it's unknown if he still craves sexual intercourse as much as he did before. One thing is still certain, however, is that he still fervently desires the attention of a sweetheart.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

However, considering Chris's incessant shoehorning of entirely unnecessary sex into the comics, and the ludicrous efforts he goes to to get some [[China]], he does seem to possess sexual desire - though not necessarily for women, as these things could simply be part of his efforts to disprove his much-feared [[homosexuality]].

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, [[Patti-chan|Patti]]!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female (because he's not a homo) dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form, so technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not vice versa.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still [[Mass debating|debated]].<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris' leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a [[Mia Hamm|hooker]]. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible, <ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true. <ref> [[http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty ''fucked up'' that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Oddly, Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim and should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also does not have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and anyway, aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favourite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing ''(in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it)'', potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

==Sexting==

[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris and sex

2015-06-21T05:31:26Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Moral basis on sex and double standards */

{{Honest}}
[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumbnail|Pictures tell a million words...and in this case, a ''bit too'' many.]]
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''') as well as '''gender''', mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, a sheltered upbringing, and the warped worldview he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex and gender==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his sex dolls [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Similar to [[Chris and religion|the topic of faith]], Chris's actual beliefs on gender are more complex than his stated beliefs. Over his life, he has developed a burning hatred of males [[JERKS#The list of males Chris doesn't hate|in general]], not unlike [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Aeverine_Nieves another autistic on ED] noted for his/her similarities to Chris. This likely spirals back to his bullying by other boys at school, not to mention the fact that Chris is known to fly into fits of [[Chris and his ego|jealous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] whenever he sees [[Liquid Chris|a man more successful than him]], especially if [[Clyde Cash|that]] [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|man]] [[Wes Iseli|is getting some]] and he isn't. Inversely, whenever trolls invented a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] for him, Chris would make [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|childish YouTube videos]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|wherein he would gloat]] to their supposed exes. Chris's infantile, jealousy-driven hatred of his own gender has even led him to label [[JERKS|all men]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|"barbarian[s]"]]. This bizarre view may also have contributed to his [[Tomgirl|decision to cross-dress]].

Inversely, Chris repeatedly asserts his reverence of women, and seems to have a comparatively glowing opinion of them, stating that he finds women "empathetic". But, as stated at the beginning of the section, the truth is more complicated. While Chris has always preferred female friends, and is known to be far more accommodating of lesbians than gay men, even going so far as to [[Chris and reality|identify as one himself]], in truth, Chris has a distinctly sexist view of [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. By all accounts, Chris seems to place all women into one of two categories - organic [[Officer Nasty|sex]] [[Kimmi|toys]] who exist to submit to his every desire, or [[Barb|mother]] [[Gal-pals|figures]] who exist to dote on him, keep his child-like, responsibility-free lifestyle sustainable, and nurse his wounded [[ego]] whenever the need arises.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. This seems to be hyperbole, but considering Chris' abysmal knowledge of the sciences, it is difficult to be sure.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical straight and non-straight behavior, too, insisting he is straight even as he acts like a stereotypical mincing, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] transsexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks "gay" is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

As of 2015, Chris has stated his preference for female pronouns, going so far as to dub himself "Christine Weston Chandler" on his Facebook. As of 11 February, 2015, Chris has started signing the medallions he sells on eBay with this name. From this it can be inferred that he was using the tomgirl label as a stepping stone into full blown transsexualism. Whether or not Chris is legitimately transsexual remains to be seen. As it is unlikely he will ever willingly see a therapist regarding his gender issues (or [[Chris and psychology|any]] [[Chris and anger|other]] [[Chris and health|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|his]] [[Chris and reality|issues]] for that matter), we may never have a definitive answer.

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seems to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before his alleged 'losing of virginity' incident.]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature, or a combination thereof.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is something all men need to experience in order to become complete adults.

As the act of sexual intercourse and relationships in general are fairly social activities, it's quite possible that Chris views the act of losing his virginity as something of a rite of passage--something he needs to do in order to validate his own sexuality and prove to the world that he's a capable "adult". Chris also fails to realize that relationships are give and take. Every sweetheart that Chris has had, which eventually turned out to be a troll involved long, received relentless emails and calls in which Chris prattled on and on about how much he "loved" them and how he was looking forward to finally having sex. After supposedly losing his virginity, it's unknown if he still craves sexual intercourse as much as he did before. One thing is still certain, however, is that he still fervently desires the attention of a sweetheart.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

However, considering Chris's incessant shoehorning of entirely unnecessary sex into the comics, and the ludicrous efforts he goes to to get some [[China]], he does seem to possess sexual desire - though not necessarily for women, as these things could simply be part of his efforts to disprove his much-feared [[homosexuality]].

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, [[Patti-chan|Patti]]!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female (because he's not a homo) dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form, so technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not vice versa.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still [[Mass debating|debated]].<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris' leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible, <ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true. <ref> [[http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty ''fucked up'' that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Oddly, Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim and should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also does not have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and anyway, aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favourite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing ''(in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it)'', potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

==Sexting==

[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris and sex

2015-06-21T05:30:27Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Chris and gender */

{{Honest}}
[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumbnail|Pictures tell a million words...and in this case, a ''bit too'' many.]]
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''') as well as '''gender''', mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, a sheltered upbringing, and the warped worldview he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex and gender==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his sex dolls [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Similar to [[Chris and religion|the topic of faith]], Chris's actual beliefs on gender are more complex than his stated beliefs. Over his life, he has developed a burning hatred of males [[JERKS#The list of males Chris doesn't hate|in general]], not unlike [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Aeverine_Nieves another autistic on ED] noted for his/her similarities to Chris. This likely spirals back to his bullying by other boys at school, not to mention the fact that Chris is known to fly into fits of [[Chris and his ego|jealous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] whenever he sees [[Liquid Chris|a man more successful than him]], especially if [[Clyde Cash|that]] [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|man]] [[Wes Iseli|is getting some]] and he isn't. Inversely, whenever trolls invented a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] for him, Chris would make [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|childish YouTube videos]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|wherein he would gloat]] to their supposed exes. Chris's infantile, jealousy-driven hatred of his own gender has even led him to label [[JERKS|all men]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|"barbarian[s]"]]. This bizarre view may also have contributed to his [[Tomgirl|decision to cross-dress]].

Inversely, Chris repeatedly asserts his reverence of women, and seems to have a comparatively glowing opinion of them, stating that he finds women "empathetic". But, as stated at the beginning of the section, the truth is more complicated. While Chris has always preferred female friends, and is known to be far more accommodating of lesbians than gay men, even going so far as to [[Chris and reality|identify as one himself]], in truth, Chris has a distinctly sexist view of [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. By all accounts, Chris seems to place all women into one of two categories - organic [[Officer Nasty|sex]] [[Kimmi|toys]] who exist to submit to his every desire, or [[Barb|mother]] [[Gal-pals|figures]] who exist to dote on him, keep his child-like, responsibility-free lifestyle sustainable, and nurse his wounded [[ego]] whenever the need arises.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. This seems to be hyperbole, but considering Chris' abysmal knowledge of the sciences, it is difficult to be sure.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical straight and non-straight behavior, too, insisting he is straight even as he acts like a stereotypical mincing, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] transsexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks "gay" is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

As of 2015, Chris has stated his preference for female pronouns, going so far as to dub himself "Christine Weston Chandler" on his Facebook. As of 11 February, 2015, Chris has started signing the medallions he sells on eBay with this name. From this it can be inferred that he was using the tomgirl label as a stepping stone into full blown transsexualism. Whether or not Chris is legitimately transsexual remains to be seen. As it is unlikely he will ever willingly see a therapist regarding his gender issues (or [[Chris and psychology|any]] [[Chris and anger|other]] [[Chris and health|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|his]] [[Chris and reality|issues]] for that matter), we may never have a definitive answer.

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approve of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seems to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before his alleged 'losing of virginity' incident.]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature, or a combination thereof.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is something all men need to experience in order to become complete adults.

As the act of sexual intercourse and relationships in general are fairly social activities, it's quite possible that Chris views the act of losing his virginity as something of a rite of passage--something he needs to do in order to validate his own sexuality and prove to the world that he's a capable "adult". Chris also fails to realize that relationships are give and take. Every sweetheart that Chris has had, which eventually turned out to be a troll involved long, received relentless emails and calls in which Chris prattled on and on about how much he "loved" them and how he was looking forward to finally having sex. After supposedly losing his virginity, it's unknown if he still craves sexual intercourse as much as he did before. One thing is still certain, however, is that he still fervently desires the attention of a sweetheart.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

However, considering Chris's incessant shoehorning of entirely unnecessary sex into the comics, and the ludicrous efforts he goes to to get some [[China]], he does seem to possess sexual desire - though not necessarily for women, as these things could simply be part of his efforts to disprove his much-feared [[homosexuality]].

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, [[Patti-chan|Patti]]!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female (because he's not a homo) dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form, so technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not vice versa.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still [[Mass debating|debated]].<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris' leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible, <ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true. <ref> [[http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty ''fucked up'' that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Oddly, Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim and should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also does not have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and anyway, aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favourite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing ''(in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it)'', potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

==Sexting==

[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris and sex

2015-06-21T05:29:49Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Chris and gender */

{{Honest}}
[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumbnail|Pictures tell a million words...and in this case, a ''bit too'' many.]]
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''') as well as '''gender''', mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, a sheltered upbringing, and the warped worldview he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex and gender==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his sex dolls [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Similar to [[Chris and religion|the topic of faith]], Chris's actual beliefs on gender are more complex than his stated beliefs. Over his life, he has developed a burning hatred of males [[JERKS#The list of males Chris doesn't hate|in general]], not unlike [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Aeverine_Nieves another autistic on ED] noted for his/her similarities to Chris. This likely spirals back to his bullying by other boys at school, not to mention the fact that Chris is known to fly into fits of [[Chris and his ego|jealous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] whenever he sees [[Liquid Chris|a man more successful than him]], especially if [[Clyde Cash|that]] [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|man]] [[Wes Iseli|is getting some]] and he isn't. Inversely, whenever trolls invented a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] for him, Chris would make [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|childish YouTube videos]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|wherein he would gloat]] to their supposed exes. Chris's infantile, jealousy-driven hatred of his own gender has even led him to label [[JERKS|all men]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|"barbarian[s]"]]. This bizarre view may also have contributed to his [[Tomgirl|decision to cross-dress]].

Inversely, Chris repeatedly asserts his reverence of women, and seems to have a comparatively glowing opinion of them, stating that he finds women "empathetic". But, as stated at the beginning of the section, the truth is more complicated. While Chris has always preferred female friends, and is known to be far more accommodating of lesbians than gay men, even going so far as to [[Chris and reality|identify as one himself]], in truth, Chris has a distinctly sexist view of [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. By all accounts, Chris seems to place all women into one of two categories - organic [[Officer Nasty|sex]] [[Kimmi|toys]] who exist to submit to his every desire, or [[Barb|mother]] [[Gal-pals|figures]] who exist to dote on him, keep his child-like, responsibility-free lifestyle sustainable, and nurse his wounded [[ego]] whenever the need arises.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. This seems to be hyperbole, but considering Chris' abysmal knowledge of the sciences, it is difficult to be sure.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical straight and non-straight behavior, too, insisting he is straight even as he acts like a stereotypical mincing, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] transsexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks "gay" is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

As of 2015, Chris has stated his preference for female pronouns, going so far as to dub himself "Christine Weston Chandler" on his Facebook. As of 11 February, 2015, Chris has started signing the medallions he sells on eBay with this name. From this it can be inferred that he was using the tomgirl label as a stepping stone into full blown transsexualism. Whether or not Chris is legitimately transsexual remains to be seen, as it is unlikely he will ever willingly see a therapist regarding his gender issues (or [[Chris and psychology|any]] [[Chris and anger|other]] [[Chris and health|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|his]] [[Chris and reality|issues]] for that matter), we may never have a definitive answer.

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approve of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seems to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before his alleged 'losing of virginity' incident.]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature, or a combination thereof.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is something all men need to experience in order to become complete adults.

As the act of sexual intercourse and relationships in general are fairly social activities, it's quite possible that Chris views the act of losing his virginity as something of a rite of passage--something he needs to do in order to validate his own sexuality and prove to the world that he's a capable "adult". Chris also fails to realize that relationships are give and take. Every sweetheart that Chris has had, which eventually turned out to be a troll involved long, received relentless emails and calls in which Chris prattled on and on about how much he "loved" them and how he was looking forward to finally having sex. After supposedly losing his virginity, it's unknown if he still craves sexual intercourse as much as he did before. One thing is still certain, however, is that he still fervently desires the attention of a sweetheart.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

However, considering Chris's incessant shoehorning of entirely unnecessary sex into the comics, and the ludicrous efforts he goes to to get some [[China]], he does seem to possess sexual desire - though not necessarily for women, as these things could simply be part of his efforts to disprove his much-feared [[homosexuality]].

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, [[Patti-chan|Patti]]!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female (because he's not a homo) dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form, so technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not vice versa.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still [[Mass debating|debated]].<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris' leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible, <ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true. <ref> [[http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty ''fucked up'' that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Oddly, Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim and should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also does not have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and anyway, aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favourite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing ''(in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it)'', potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

==Sexting==

[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

April 2015

2015-06-20T01:00:07Z

PerhapsGlowing:

[[File:Amiibo5.jpg|thumb|On '''6 April [[2015]]''', [[Chris]] creates some [[Sonichu Amiibo]].]]

'''April''' was the 4th month of '''2015'''. Chris's 3rd court date following [[26 December 2014]] took place, with his case to be continued on 7 May. He also revealed a new product on [[eBay]], a [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] Amiibo. He continued to clumsily support [[gay]] rights and bitterly [[Sonic Boom Protests|complain]] about [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s blue arms.

==Events of April 2015==
* 1 April - [[Random Access Humor|April Fools' Day]]. To celebrate, the [[CWCki]] eliminates the front page and replaces it with a very tongue-in-cheek disclaimer about how we need to respect Chris.
* 1 April - On [[Facebook]], Chris calls [[wikipedia:TV Land|TV Land]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Younger (TV series)|Younger]]'' "[[Chris and English|Modernly]] Tech Savvy and smart".
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|right|On '''2 April 2015''', Chris gets [[Court sightings|spotted]] outside the [[Charlottesville]] Circuit Court.]]
* 2 April - Chris's 2nd court hearing since the [[26 December 2014]] incident.
* 4 April - Chris rages over the 2-part season 5 premiere of ''[[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic'' and a character in the ''Equestria Girls: [[Rainbow]] Rocks'' movie.
* 5 April - [[Bunny Hop|Easter]].
* 6 April - Chris announces 10 custom Sonichu Amiibo for sale on [[eBay]]. His [[fans]] buy them all in less than 2 hours.
* 7 April - Chris provides more information on the custom Amiibo.
* 7 April - Chris asks for people to vote in a Nintendo contest to make [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] a downloadable character in ''Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS''/''Wii U''.
* 8 April - A fan attempts to visit Chris and give him two animation frames from the ''Adventures of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' cartoon, but gets told off by [[Barb]]. It is currently not known if Chris knows that his mother prevented him from getting these frames.
* 12 April - On Facebook, Chris supports Hillary Clinton for president, and opposes the hunting of giraffes.
* 13 April - Chris says that ''Disney Infinity'' is mediocre.
[[File:11159486 841302929297521 3754185787838158301 n.jpg|thumb|200px|right|On '''13 April 2015''', Chris sports a new [[muscle bra]].]]
* 13 April - Chris "contributes" to the Free the Nipple movement...by taking a ridiculous selfie of himself in a turban and a bra.
* 15 April - Chris makes a suggestion on Facebook about a piece of ''Equestria Girls'' fan art.
* 16 April - Chris claims that if Sonichu gets into ''Super Smash Bros. for 3DS''/''WU'' as DLC, he will make new [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].
* 16 April - In an unrelated Facebook post, Chris expresses his conviction that transgendered people should be allowed to use the public restroom of their choice.
* 17 April - Chris refutes a Daily Mail UK article saying that [[Richmond]], Virginia is the happiest place in the United States. He lists many [[JERKS|people he perceives as enemies]], counters that it is a "paranoid" and "illsocial" place, and abuses hashtags.
* 20 April - Chris is pissed on why ''Knuckles' Chaotix'' and ''Sonic CD'' haven't been ported to modern consoles or Virtual Console. (Note that ''Sonic CD'' has been ported to, among other things, the [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]].)
* 20 April - Chris complains about a ''Minecraft'' rip-off introduced for the Wii U, foreshadowing the discovery of his ''Minecraft'' account 2 days later.
* 20 April - Chris once again complains about [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic's blue arms]] on Facebook.
* 20 April - In other Facebook news, Chris officially declared that he uses feminine pronouns.
* 21 April - Chris comments that a girl featured in an AnimatedJames webtoon is a "cute lesbian."
* 21 April - On Facebook, Chris notes that he signed a petition to get justice for a middle-school-age [[autism|autistic]] boy who had been charged with [[26 December 2014|felony assault]].
* 21 April - Chris calls for gay marriage on Facebook.
* 22 April - On Facebook, Chris shares and comments on a news report about a 5-year-old transgender boy.
* 22 April - It is discovered that Chris has begun playing ''Minecraft'', under the name "[http://minebook.me/christineweston/ ChristineWeston]".
* 23 April - Chris uploads [[Mario Kart 8 Videos#Dry Dry Desert|two]] [[Mario Kart 8 Videos#Sherbet Land With Sonic Amiibo Costume|videos]] of his avatar, named Christine, playing ''Mario Kart 8''. He provides a link to one of them on the [[Miiverse]].
* 25 April - In the third of a weekly series, Chris discusses how he'd like [[Black Sonichu]] to be integrated into Super Smash Bros.
* 25 April - On Facebook, Chris says that he loves his family and misses his [[Robert Chandler|father]].
* 25 April - Chris makes an [[Wikipedia:Abbott and Costello|Abbott and Costello]] reference on Facebook. This is probably due to an episode of [[My Little Pony]] referancing it the same day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLDGvPRrzCA
* 28 April - Chris wonders what would've happened if ''Sonic Boom'' was instead just ''Sonic Synergy'', and mentions that he has mixed feelings towards the ''Sonic CD'' song "[[SingStar Challenge Round 1|Sonic Boom]]", despite it appearing on the [[Three-Quarter Woman]] CD.
* 29 April - Chris returns to the [[PSN]] for the first time since [[December 2014]] to play ''[[Little Pig Blanket]] 3''.

{{Timeline}}

Liquid Chris

2015-06-18T22:59:29Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Epilogue */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Improve|massive reorganization|Expand the subtopics under the ''Liquid Saga'' for great justice. Add details and citations.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Trolls</s> Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Liquid Chris
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Chris Chandler<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref> Jeff<ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref>
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[Kacey]]
|-
| '''Brother'''
| SimplySpoons
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer Musician
|-
|}
'''Liquid Chris''' (born 24 [[February 1982]]) is the '''[[TRUE and HONEST]] Christian Weston Chandler''' (ORIGINAL IDENTITY — DO NOT STEAL) and the one and only creator of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].

==Prologue==
[[June 2009]] was a busy month for [[Christian]] (henceforth '''[[Metal Gear Solid|Solid Chris]]'''), with both highs and lows. Solid was getting out of the house more and knocking back some [[Chris's Big Night Out|Long Islands]] with a new group of acquaintances. He was given the reins to his shiny new [[CWCipedia]] and had his [[YouTube]] account "CChanSonichu" compromised. Yes, he was [[Rollin' and Trollin']] indeed.

{{quote|And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.|Solid Chris<ref name="realprotest">[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

==A challenger appears==
[[Image:Torture.jpg|Liquid torturing the impostor.|thumb]]
[[Image:Liquid VS Solid.png|"There's room for only one Chris, and one Mayor!" |thumb]]
:''See also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#Antebellum|Liquid's Antebellum Videos]]''

At the end of the month a new YouTube account, <nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC</nowiki>, appeared with a simple premise: that the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler (henceforth '''Liquid Chris''') was back online after a long absence, during which he lost his account to hackers, so all the weirdness on "CChanSonichu" was the work of hacking trolls, and he announced that he was ready to resume posting HONEST content on his new account. This new CWC posted four more videos, much of which were [[parody|parodies]] of earlier videos by Solid Chris.

{{quote|How else would I get fan art, if I was not the original creator of Sonichu?|Liquid Chris, [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Update:_I_am_Still_the_Real_Christian_Weston_Chandler_Despite_LIES_AND_SLANDER._Also.2C_Some_Fan_Art|3 July 2009]]}}

Notably, Liquid Chris sported:
* An official [[Sonichu medallion]]
* A [[Chris and fashion|striped shirt]] (brown)
* [[Pedo-Glasses|A pair of rather bulky glasses which would look ridiculous on anybody else.]]
* [[Obesity]] (by means of a stuffed shirt, later removed)
* [[Autism]]

All of which, of course, made him almost [[Chris and reality|''indistinguishable'']] from Solid Chris! Solid himself made no comment, probably because he didn't notice the new videos among the chatter of all the other trolling. The alternative — that Solid just ignored them — is far too reasonable to consider.

It should also be noted that Liquid tried to make it as blatantly obvious as possible in the beginning stages; i.e. stuffing a pillow in his shirt, paper cut-out medallion.

==Ian Brandon Anderson==
{{main|Ian Brandon Anderson}}

What really cranked this up to eleven was a chain of events that started with Solid Chris getting his "CChanSonichu" channel back: First, Solid posted [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|a series of videos]] on 10 [[July 2009]] where he "called out" three trolls by their YouTube handles, and dropped their docs (well, dropped "supposed states of residence"). That resulted in the permanent banhammer for "CChanSonichu".

The next piece fell into place when he posted his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]] video on his new YouTube account, "[[IBAChandler]]". When it hit [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], newfags everywhere momentarily lost control of their bowels, thinking they'd been trolled by a grand master. Trolls, however, did what trolls do best: they started riffing on it. Pretty quickly, YouTube comments popped up referring to Solid as "Ian Brandon Anderson". Such was the price of success for Solid's small drop of near win in his sea of epic fail: he had delivered unto his enemies a weapon that they'd use for months.

Even then, the damage control from that episode alone would probably have kept him from noticing Liquid's videos. Until that is, Liquid raised the stakes in an attempt to get Solid's attention.

==The CWCivil War==
===Opening shots===
[[Image:Honest-and-true.jpg|thumb|right|TRUTH and HONESTY established by the state of [[Virginia]]!]]
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#The CWCivil|Liquid's CWCivil War Videos]]''

The war began on 21 July, when Liquid uploaded a [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#Now Selling the OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL SONICHU Merchandise of CWC, NO FAKERIES OR IMPOSTOR|video]] that reeled Solid in hook, line, and sinker, having sold Sonichu merchandise with [[Samantha Thaddeus]] at Otakon. A rebuttal was in order:

{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC</nowiki>". HE IS CRAPPY, and [[Chris and English|his Nasal Voice]] is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL!<ref name="realprotest"/>}}

Solid also took time out from his busy schedule to post threats on Liquid's YouTube comments:

{{quotebox|'''The Final Showdown'''

Hey, DUMBASS! [[Chris and his ego|YOU WISH YOU WERE ME]]! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Ct.]] [[Ruckersville]], VA
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, YOUR [[Speech impediment|NASAL VOICE]] IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[Naive|NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day. 
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler<ref name="realprotest"/>}}

Even at this point, Solid Chris still may have let this all go, as he was simultaneously getting blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], who was holding his [[PSN]] account to ransom. But as that wound down, Liquid caught Solid's eye again, by picking up on the Ian Brandon Anderson meme:

{{quotebox|Hello, again, Loyal Fans,

It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON). Anyway, I am Working Very Hard on Sonichu 9 and Things may be Progressing Heavily with my new TRUE [[Gal-Pal]] [[Kacey]] and I. Also, Expect more Announcements of this Developing Caliber in the Future.

Stay True.

CWC<ref>[[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Christian_Weston_Chandler.27s_EXCITING_ANNOUNCEMENT_of_SONICHU_and_Addressing_Things.| Christian Weston Chandler's EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT of SONICHU and Addressing Things.]]</ref>}}

===The battleground===

===="More Than A Feeling"====
[[Image:CWCvsIanGuitar.jpg|thumb|The REAL Chris is not only cute, he can play the guitar!]]
:''See Also: [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]''
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#More_Than_A_Feeling_THE_TRUE_VERSION_by_Christian_Weston_Chandler_.28CWC.29|More Than A Feeling THE TRUE VERSION by Christian Weston Chandler (CWC)]]

For whatever reason, Solid dug up an old video of himself failing at ''Guitar Hero'' and dumped it online. Liquid shot back with a TRUE and HONEST rendition on a real guitar.

====Spanish Challenge====
[[Image:Cestnepas.jpg|thumb|Ceci n'est pas une Chris.]]
:''Main Article: [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''

More [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|video rage]] followed before Solid attempted a cunning plan:

{{quote|También. Mi presente. Responde en español bueño. ¿Si no que bueño? Tu no eres el verdad. Tu eres el impostor.|Solid Chris, ''[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''}}

The plan backfired when [[CWC Update 29 July 2009#Liquid's_response|Liquid responded more fluently in Spanish, French, German, and Japanese]].

====''SingStar'' Challenge====
[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|thumb|Only one clear choice, choosing the TRUE and HONEST Chris.]]
{{Main|SingStar Challenge}}

{{quote|Alright, Christian, Mr. Brown-Striped Impostor, since you have been able to accept and complete my question challenges, it is time to issue a new challenge.|Solid Chris, [[SingStar Challenge|"''SingStar'' Challenge"]]}}

And then he shaved his goatee off. Dry. With a safety razor.

As expected, the contest went to Liquid and Solid was a sore loser about it. Liquid had a tally of four votes in favor, two against. He then took his leave from the competition, after announcing a number of personal coups:
* That he'd finally found a true sweetheart, [[Kacey]].
* That he'd landed a job as a Production Manager and Game Designer at [[Microsoft]] for a ''Sonichu'' game for all consoles.
* That Dark Horse Comics would be publishing his [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], making him even more filthy rich, with the opening of the CWCStore.

And finally, that he had decided to stop battling the Solid, and move out of his parents' house to live in Redmond, Seattle, to continue his happy, successful life.

==="SHOWDOWN"===
{{Main|SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE}}

{{Quote|You’re breaking my balls here.|Solid, [[SHOWDOWN|"SHOWDOWN"]]}}

On 9 [[August 2009]], Liquid called Solid up and confronted him over the slanderous lies he was telling on YouTube. Solid tried reason, and when that failed, he threatened to arrest Liquid for identity theft and involve Bob in this debacle.

{{quotebox|If you do not come clean right now, I am going to get my father in on this further, and you are going to get fucking arrested, thrown in jail, and you will not get to live the peaceful, happy life that Kacey and I would like [voice cracks] you to live because Kacey really cares for you MAN!<ref>[[SHOWDOWN|"SHOWDOWN"]]</ref>}}

==="I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up."===

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_Gs7ZqOl2CA}}
| Stardate = 14 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} Music {{Galpals}} Kacey
| Performance Style = {{Reason}} Reason
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the SingStar Contest. Also, More Updates on Sonichu and Going Places :)|Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the ''SingStar'' Contest. Also, More Updates on ''Sonichu'' and Going Places :)]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
}}

Of course, this sent Solid completely over the deep end. First, he raged:

{{quote|STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, EVERYTHING! STOP HIM! HE DESERVES NOTHING!|Solid Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]]}}

Then, he tried reason:

{{quotebox|The ''Singstar'' Challenge was NEVER to verify who was the real Christian Weston Chandler, because everyone on the [[Internet]] knows that I am, he's the impostor. They should quit encouraging him. And I wish that he would stop his stupid, damn, dirty game. I don't know what the heck is wrong with his head. [''his voice gets higher''] He ain't right. He don't even let me get a word in edgewise. He just keeps going on and on AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNN! Worse than my father!<ref>[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who|"The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who"]]</ref>}}

And as summer disappeared, so too did Liquid Chris: The apparent victim of foul play. Viewer discretion is advised, as the next video is disturbing.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = GONE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CzDj29Vy7ro}}
| Stardate = 15 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence}} [[Death threats]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.|I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#10152009|10152009]]
}}

Chris's sweetheart, [[Kacey]], was distraught over the event and posted a video confirming Chris's disappearance and announcing her withdrawal from their engagement.

==CWCivil War II: Kacey Boogaloo==
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to Boyfriends.]]
{{Main|Kacey}}

Liquid Chris reappeared on 15 [[October 2009]] with a new video explaining the trials and tribulations of the past few months, and igniting a heated love triangle with Solid for Kacey's affections.

In the [[Greetings to Kaceys Folks|video]] addressed to Kacey's parents, Solid called him '''"the previous Chris"'''. In a [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|desperate video for Kacey]], Solid called him '''"the other Chris"''' repeatedly.

When the dust had settled, Solid's behavior had [[Father Call|offended Kacey's father]] and, through his immaturity, pushed Kacey back into the loving arms of the Liquid.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = 10152009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fLVg6VkxpLY}}
| Stardate = 15 October 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Homos}} Homos {{Rumors}} Rumours
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.|THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.]]
}}

===Epilogue===
Liquid Chris is now married to his beloved sweetheart, [[Kacey]]. As the one TRUE and HONEST creator of Sonichu, his artwork and comics are extremely popular and he often attracts many beautiful [[boyfriend-free girl]]s with his medallions and his [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar of Win]].

Liquid makes mad [[Clyde Cash|cash]] by selling said medallions at Otakon and other [[anime]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|conventions]] while voicing Solid in ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]''. He has also made several hundred thousand dollars from his two critically acclaimed games, ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' and ''Sonichu: The Crystal Chronicles'' for the [[Nintendo|Nintendo DS]] and [[HEXBox|Xbox 360]], respectively.<ref><s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V1gEjtmm9M</s> (dead link as of Jul 2014)</ref> On 27 July 2011, Liquid bid fond faredieu to the trolling universe on YouTube by closing his account.

Solid Chris now considers Liquid Chris a friend.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = Sonichu's Copyright Proof and Thank You Kacey's Father
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Lav-RaVcYXQ}}
| Stardate = 06 November 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Comics}} Comics
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey|My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey]]
| next = [[Sonichu_Special_4|Conspiracy to ATTEMPT MURDER AGAIN from Ian Brandon Anderson (his Comic Pages)]]
}}

'''VIDEO DESCRIPTION:'''
{{quotebox|Kacey, you Know who is Right, in Your Heart.

Signed,

"Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler (C.W.C)}}

==Irony==
[[File:Liquidd.jpg|thumb|left|Ian acts as the real Chris, in [[100 2270|"100 2270"]].]]
[[Image:LiquidChrisBelieveInMe.jpg|thumb|BELIEVE.]]
IBAChandler has mocked Liquid on several points:

* [[Speech impediment|His nasal tone.]]
* [[Chris and fashion|His brown striped shirt.]]
* [[Chris and money|Actually making money off ''Sonichu''.]]
* [[Obesity|His appearance.]]

It's a bad sign when one is fighting a mirror, and worse when the mirror is winning.

In early August 2009,<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009]]</ref> Solid began to believe that Liquid couldn't be the real Chris because only the real Christian Weston Chandler is a [[Slow-in-the-minds|retard]] who is the laughing stock of the Internet. Therefore, the fact that Liquid isn't trolled and doesn't do dumb shit suggests that he isn't the real Chris. Of course, previously mentioned theories seem to disprove this assertion.

In a further fit of irony, Ian ended up impersonating Liquid in a bizarre attempt to woo Liquid's girlfriend, [[Kacey]].

And in a last irony, Ian impersonated Chris who was impersonating him impersonating...or something...in [[100 2270|"100 2270"]].

== In the comic ==
[[Image:TrueAndHonestCWCArt.jpg|The impostor [[Chris]] stole his famous lecture to the [[Jerkops]] from the real Chris.|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|Go, [[IBAChandler]], and copycat-ly [sic] sieze [sic] to the extreme!]]

On 17 [[November 2009]], the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler made his very first appearance in Solid' Chris's [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Solid, being the slanderous impostor that he is, had the nerve to claim that Liquid's name was Ian Brandon Anderson, and once again tried (and failed) to convince everyone that he was the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of the [[Sonichu]] franchise.

Chris planned a future plot where [[Giovanni]] captured [[Rosechu]] and forced [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] to cede control over [[CWCville]] to Liquid. This, however, has yet to be done. <ref>[[CWC Blog#20 November 2009]]</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Not TRUE AND ORIGINAL
|
{{Deletedvideo}}{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ayObshLZQwI}}
| Stardate = 2 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|s1SBdwZDN1k}}
| Stardate = 4 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight — Part III
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dYrgl-otclY}}
| Stardate = 6 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm On Hexbawks. :)]]
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XhENYYmGAeA}}
| Stardate = 25 [[January 2010]]
| Maker = BobbyHillify
| Subject =
| Video Type = Trailer for the upcoming [[Xbox]] game.
}}
}}

==See also==
[[File:Chrischan_cosplay.jpg|thumb|''Liquidus'' Chris.]]
* [[Solid Chris]]
* [[Robert Simmons V|Solidus Chris]]
* [[Jimmy Hill]]
* [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], another doppelganger of Chris featured in the Sonichu comics

==References==
<references/>

== External links ==
* [http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL51E59E5BF480DBD4 Archived versions of all of Liquid's videos]
* [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/The_Real_Chris-chan The Real Chris-chan] on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]

 {{SingStarChallenge}} 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chris, Liquid}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Song of Christian

2015-06-18T01:57:32Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Part II */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Song_of_christian_1_1-51.jpg|thumb|"I hear [[United States of America|America]] singing as I sing of myself..."]]

'''''Song of Christian''''' was a poem that [[Chris]], at age sixteen, had to write for a class. Chris bases his poem partly on [[Homos|Walt Whitman]]'s [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]].

He later made a video that showed him raging about the well-deserved F, which showed up on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|documentary DVD]]. This time, he failed to do two things: [[Chris and cinematography|use proper lighting]] — video cameras didn't come with night-vision features in those days — and come up with something interesting to say before the camera was rolling.

Compared with his voice today, at age sixteen, he embodied the dulcet tones of [[Wikipedia:James Earl Jones|James Earl Jones]] and shared the octave range of [[Wikipedia:Captain Beefheart|Captain Beefheart]]. What happened in between then and his [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] is up for debate.

The quality of the video and the lack of color would suggest that this was filmed on a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvmK0y3H4-A Fisher-Price] [[Wikipedia:PXL-2000|PXL-2000]] camcorder, a late-1980s camcorder that recorded videos on cassette tapes and these days is extremely hard to find and fetches [[Chris and money|tons of money]] on [[eBay]]. [[The Adventures of the American Rabbit|Knowing]] [[Ghostbusters|Chris]], [[Clown doll|though]], it's likely a cheap knockoff thereof, probably sourced [[Julie Reveals Herself#Dance like a Gay Man|from Goodwill]].

==The actual poem==

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents' song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and ''Mario'' raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and...[[Tobacky|D-R-U-G-S]].
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my [[So Lonesome|loneliness]] is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

==Part I==

{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eC4XNixKBq4}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = Poetry
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes#Video|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]
| next = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|"Song of Christian" ~ Part II]]
}}

<center>Just showing off his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].</center>

===Transcript===

[''Simulates blowing a trumpet, or the sound of a diseased rooster, to mark his arrival.''] 

Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to ''The Christian Chandler Show''! 
Bringin' ya lots of laughs, and all that neat ol' stuff. Now, here he is, the host with the most: Christian Chandler!

<div>[''simulates the cheers of a crowd, stopping to take a breath halfway through, and reveals himself to the camera'']</div>

<div>Good evening friends, and welcome to ''The Christian Chandler Show''. '''I''' am your host Christian Chandler.
Now, tonight, we are gonna talk about poetry. And uh, line— an', uh, behind the scenes of part of the lines—which got me inspired. An' I'm gonna express my feelings a little bit, so...please don't laugh. I feel— I'll feel embarrassed. Okay, anyway, my poem is called— entitled— "The Song of Christian". And I just did it last night, on May 14th, [[1998]].</div>

[''irritated undecipherable mutter''] Anyway, uh, I'm gonna do my poem, now, so, here goes:

<blockquote>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
 And you experience, as I experience.
 The problems of yourself are my problems.
 The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
 As you have sung the song of laughter.
 At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
 Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
 Those are my parents song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
 I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
 New goals and ''Mario'' raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].
 The magazine's songs, the ballad of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' on Game Boy.
 The rudeness of the teenager's song,
 The despicable mention of rude words and...D-R-U-G-S.
 I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
 My song that I sing, although I talk well,
 My peer relationship is low, and my loneliness is off the scale.”</blockquote>

An' anyway that's my poem. 
Now, we gotta go behind the lines, and see how it all got inspired.

<div>Now the, uh, first line line "I hear America singing", and, uh, "sing of myself". I got those from the combination of the first line of, both, [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]] and—s I—s—I—[http://www.bartleby.com/142/91.html "I hear America singing"]. And the "experiencing" and (''"problems"?'') ... I made those up myself. And of course, ya know, the, ahh, youth. I'm talking about the young children, here. They start singing their cries of happiness when they are born. With their little [[Sonee & Rosey|'giggles' and 'tee-hee-hees'.]] [''[[sigh]]''] That's just the sound of laughter. At age six weeks, I started... the sound of laughter which is my—when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the [[Wikipedia:Best Products|Best Products]] store in [[Charlottesville]] many, many years ago. ''Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in [[1982]]''. [''sigh''] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[''baby talk voice'']. An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "''Was that your son?''", and my mom said, "''Yup, that was my son''". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.</div> 

<div>An', anyway I, uh, went on—and—on with my mouth. That is until the age one-and-a-half... years... [''sigh''] The sad thing that happened... the Lord put the mute button on me. CLICK FLICK [''Light switch motion'']. That's when my ad—me—I'm representing my autism, there. The Lord clickin' the mute button. [sigh] An' anyway here's where my autism began. I'm gonna to be real truthful here. Uh, I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]]. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me [[Chris's room|in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys]], and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my [[autism]] began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.</div> 

<div>And then thanks to my parents—actually my ma did most of the work, but, uh, it was thanks to my parents. They got me talkin' again at age seven. An', anyway, here's how they—it happened. My mother, my mother, always took me down to the toy store, ahh, at least every weekend on...[''sigh''] to, uh, wa—l—look at the, to read the packages. Like, to say, for example, "Go-Bots." You remember those old goh—fashion Go-Bot toys? Well, anyway, with (Mario?) hands me the package is, and thepackageis [''All in one breath''] for me, and I read along with her. And, uh, well, we just read the, uhh, top name of the fi—name of the toy, and the name of the, uh, to—and the, uhhh, name of the... character that it represents. And, then, on an the—go to the flip side and see all the other characters, name all the other toys in the collection. And, ''of course'', we did the same for fu—the old-fashioned Transformers. Yes. [''Head confidently turns to look at items off-camera'']</div>

And, also, wit' mother an' I—and, also, sometimes, mother and I'd buy some Lego sets and build them together, like, for example... [''mumbles about getting his "stupid thing"''] Oh, yeah... Lllike, for example, this old, uh, bicycle (''pig?'') shop, here. Ah, you can tell this is an old-fashioned [[Lego]] set on account of this—the old-fashioned "Lego Land" on the corner. Anyway, ah, we always built something like this, but, uhh, since that... and, one time, we even built a nice racetrack. I don't still have my Lego tin, but, uh... I NAMED MY CAMERA NIBBLE(?).... [''sigh''] I don't think... that it's good to have. Uh, oh, well, anyway.

''Excuse me''.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|right|The homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine.]]

Anyway, Mother and I always had fun together. But, then, at age five—age seven, my mouth blabbed, ah—I started blabbin' my mouth, again. Daarn that collar! [''Voice cracks''] And then, uh, the, ah, "Helping to achieve new records on ''Mario Raceway''". You know I like the play video games. I mean, I have Nintendo 64 video games, the Super Nintendo games, Genesis, old-fashioned Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Sega CD, 32X, and I also got lotsa Tiger-brand LCD games. An', anyway, I was a video game p—person, and my favorite type of game were racing. So, um, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games were—was ''Mario Kart 64''. I'r, uh, I was already tryin' to beat my ghost on the, uh, ''Mario Raceway'' Time ''Trails'' mode. My best time—my best record is, as Mario, ah minute, twenty-one, and eighty-nine seconds. Me—uh... ''excuse me''... I mean a 1'21"89. Yeah, that's it. An', anyway, I always like to beat my records.

But then the, uh, Nin-ten-do Ma-ga-zine that's da'uh maga-zine you heard that was lost. There it is: my ''home-made'' ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Actually, that's just the cover. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm, ah, working on it]]...on the ''insides'', like a regular ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. When I'm done it should have a hundred-and-eight pages, including the front cover, and the back cover. Ah, right now I'm only on, uh, page 35. [''sigh''] I'll show you, ah, the pages that are inside it. We have your, uh, your, ah, type of contest that they're mentioning of the main article... that goes with the table of contents ''there''. [''sigh''] Then, we have the winners section. Now you seen the, uh, the two envelopes on this page? I actually created them on u—other envelo—on two envelopes myself an' kinda copied that from the envelopes onto ''here''. And, on this page, the three of those, I just kinda made up myself. That's, uh, ''Cruis'n USA'', ''Zelda'', and ''Yoshi's Story''. [''Christian exhales and ruffles through the pages'']. And we have the, uh, ''Power Charts''. Which is the Top Ten Nintendo 64, and Super Nintendo, and the Top Five Game Boy games. Of course, the Most Wanted, and some more letters, and I just a made up a letter about somebody winning the ''Zelda'' contest. Ya know, test the ''Zelda 64'' game that is gonna come out later. WAAAY later, I—in fact, we don't even know—we're not exactly sure WHEN it's gonna come out. ''Darnedest thing is slippin' on me'' [Christian reassembles the magazine].

<div>An anyway, I had this dream a long time ago about ''[[Sonic]]'' on Game Boy, so that's what I based my magazine on.
'Course you can ''tell'' on the cover he's switched from Sega to Nintendo. SO, I started off by making my own Nintendo 64 game: Sonic 64. Isn't that a cool picture, or what? [''shoves crude drawings into the camera''] Alrigh', anyway, you got your castle over ''there''. Sonic and Tails. '''Scuse me a sec''...</div>

====Factual error====
It is physically impossible for him to have spoken a word at six weeks old. Any [[chris and health|doctor]] will attest to the fact that no infant's vocal chords are developed enough by that time to speak, and any [[chris and psychology|psychologist]] will tell you that their [[wikipedia:Broca's Area|Broca's Area]] is not anywhere near developed enough to understand words by this time.

==Part II==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|G9qf5aYpjRg}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, [[Chris and Art|Artwork]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_1|"Song of Christian" ~ Part I]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]
}}
<center>[[Chris]] [[virgin with rage|rages]] between 7:38 and 10:05 if you want to skip all the shit no one cares about.</center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mutters under his breath and fiddles with the papers.'']

Uh...this may even be a rumor, so you— my magazine is falling apart on me. I mean it's just ''paper clipped.'' So sue me. I'm jus' still [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE|working on it]].

[''Continues looking through pages'']

Now, let me just find that page again... Well, they have the old castle, again, but now I got the special moves, the spin dash, pound the baw—pound the ground, spin, punch. There's that cool picture of Sonic co—in the co—in the corner. Isn't that cool, or what, huh? Three DI-mensional. That's what I call cool. Yeah....

[''Mumbling and looking through pages.'']

And, then, I have Sonic's friends that help. Of course, Tails (that flies), Knuckles (that punches and flies), and [[Bionic]], WELLLLL, you heard rumors about Bionic: he's that Sonic's brother I made up myself who's that very good basketball player and mechanic. Uh... I can tell you the background story on him. I could tell you about it... I'll just make it quick so I can tell you, anyway. Bionic was Sonic's older brother. Please note "older". Anyway, one day, when they were very young, they were playing a ca—playing the game of catch, Sonic accidentally threw the ball into the bushes. Bionic offered to get it, because he was closer to it. He went in the bushes, but, then, there was a—but there was a warp... p—portal there, and he got sucked into it. Sonic tried to get him out, but Sonic fell into it, went to a dimension of ba—abou—basketball. But then, uh... years later, Bionic found a way to es—found a portal to go back to Sonic and end up in Sonic's... new home in Knothole. And, uh... Sonic and Bionic lived together from then on. Anyway, he's a great mechanic too.

Anyway, I got some pictures here that, uh...shows how Sonic's friends help him...climbing along Knuckles, Tails flying, Sonic...and Bionic...breaking a lot— destroying a lot— breaking a lot of Dr. Robotnik's evil machines.

And, yet, of course, you know, my, uhh, ''Sonic'' on Game Boy originally was ''Sonic and Knuckles'', but I decided to do something different in this magazine. ''Sonic and Knuckles '''II'''''... I mean, a sequel, yeah... Anyway, you got your coverage there, and I put a little Dr. Robotnik in the corner saying, (''changes voice'') "I HATE SONIC! AND I HATE THAT ECHIDNA, TOO!"

[''Bends over to adjust paperclip that is holding his homemade ''Nintendo Power'' together, muttering.'']

Oh, dear, the paperclip is slipping. Darn that thing.

[''Comes back up.'']

Yeah...and, of course, you know I've got my basic "coverages" about a file...selector, and another water zone, Knuckles— playing as Knuckles, and a...special stage. Cool, huh?

[''Turns page.'']

And then I made up a Super Nintendo game. ''SUPER Sonic''. Yeah it's a Super Nintendo game with all— with some of the ''Sonic'' games in one Super Nintendo cartridge. Hey, look, check this out, we got Sonic hanging ten on a Super Nintendo controller. YEAAAH! (''hums music'') Anyway, then I got some...coverage on the...Sonic, uh...with the...how you select the game you wanna play. And of course I got ''Sonic I'' picture there, and ''Sonic 3''.

[''Flips through pages.'']

Oh, dear...

And then I have the uh...coverage on the games. I got ''Sonic I'', ''Sonic II'', ''Sonic III'', and ''Sonic and Knuckles'' in there... yeah, the original ''Sonic and Knuckles'' I'm talking about, not ''Sonic and Knuckles II''.

But, then, I made up another Nintendo 64 game. Uh...sort of interesting to teenagers. I call it ''BEAST WARS''...''[[Transformers]]''. And except these aren't all about the missions; they're firece [''mispronunciation of fierce?'']. It's always the, uh, maximum critical in spite of each other (?). And I made somes—fantasize—suh that... it will be RumblePak compatible. And becau—and the uh... bots that I put in it...goes as follows. I got [[Optimus Prime|Optimus Primal]], and uh...Cheetor, Rattrap, Silverbolt, Dinobot, Megatron...Tarantulas, Waspinator, Quickstrike, and Inferno.

And then I, uh...before Soni- before I made the cover of Sonic, I made up a, uh...other ''Nintendo Power'' cover, which I made of...uh...you heard of ''Megaman XTC'' Nintendo? Well, that's what I did. ''Megaman XTC '''IV'''''. Check that out. Cool picture. IT'S BACK. And then there's some coverage, uh...about some of the stuff about him in the...Sigma's return...Zero being captured, and...it's his armor. It's actually revived armor... The— from the original first— the first ''Megaman X'' game...except more powerful, because... (''mumbles'') Oh, whatever...

Anyway, I got a bunch of bosses from the three ''Megaman X'' games and a couple of the classic ''Megaman'' games. I got Storm Eagle, Snake Man, Wheel Gator, Neon Tiger... [''mumbles "oh jeez" while flipping through pages'']... Gravity Beetle, Bubble Crab, Shadow Man... and, uh... why not ''Megaman X'' without the old... classic ''Megaman X'' boss... [''fumbles with pages, mumbling''] Oh, dear... these things are slipping on me.... Anyway, Chill Penguin. Yeah, that penguin is back, alright. I got each of these bosses, have a 3D battle song (?), and of course, now, I got coverage of Sigma's return. I got Robot's dogra form (?), then I made up a new dissent (?) for old Dr. Wiley, Dr. Wiley Jr. here, he's fighting Megaman in a robot MONKEY. Monkey... And then I got Sigma's return... and this is actually from that cover of Meg—that cover I made up. I mean, it's actually destroying Sigma, but this is from his view. It's actually from the opposite side... of the battlefield.

So right now I'm working on the classified information... begun with Sonic— parts of ''Sonic I'' and ''Sonic II'', and I just did ''Mario Kart 64''. And for ''Nintendo Power''...I'm tracing another copy. Yeah, you can tell it's another copy, because— lookit there. Sonic is a bit more, uh...chubbier there. You can tell the difference right there. All right, on, um... this tracing thing, I only got to page 60, it was the beginning of ''Super Sonic''....

But, moving on... yeah... the rudeness of the teenagers song... of course, now—of course, you know I'm talking about those despicable rude words they got down in there... I mean... ah, you know, w-w-when they say those... sound like... "Oh, *beeeep*." And, uh... "Oh, *booop*", and "son of a *boop*".... You understand what I'm talking about? I mean, that just really ticks me off. And I hope this video's getting through to those tee—to those students in that English class of mine. I HOPE THEY GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS AND EV— AND GET IT THROUGH TO EVERYONE IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT THAT RUDE LANGUAGE IS CRUEL. I mean, you see it, and—you thinks it's cool to the adults, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S JUST RUDE! VERY RUDE! I MEAN, I'M JUST SICK OF IT! I mean... [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|HNNNNGH]].

And then there's that other thing... the, uh... D-R-U-G-S. (''mimes smoking'') That just... that *puff puff* [[tobacky|thing]], that just clogs up my nose. *grunt* And that other thing.... (''mimes drinking alcohol and passing out'') Anyway, just MAKES ME SICK to see people just [[Sonichu|waste]] [[Little Big Planet|their]] [[Love Quest|lives]] [[Guitar Hero|away]] on [[alcohol|that]]. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it's DESPICABLE (''hits table''). DE-SPIC-A-BLE!]] Understand what I'm talking about? And, of course, I'm not afraid to speak about the hazardous flukes like [[Chris and copyright|the "American Song" how it goes]]... and, of course, that last line there.... The song I sing you and all my—talk about my peer relationships as well... I talk about the peer relationships in my neighborhood. I mean, I do not have that many peers in the neighborhood. All I have in my neighborhood is Damien, and I don't usually see him a lot, and a twelve year old boy named Michael, and he's uh... just a little kid.

Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one. Anyway uh... I see by the clock that it's about time I sign off. But, uh... before I go, I have just one thing to say to, uh... the teacher: '''[[Chris and anger|AN F IN ENGLISH CLASS?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!]]''' I mean, an F! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I GOT AN F... I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OLD GREENE COUNTY, THAT STUPID PLACE... YEESH. That Greene County Primary... actually that was a nice school, but then th—came the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]]. That's probably where I got the F. Anyway, then, many years rolled by... '''THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND GAVE ME AN F. I MEAN I STARTED OFF WITH AN A AND YOU JUST LOWERED AND LOWERED AND LOWERED IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LOWERING THING. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST AUT—[[Slow-in-the-minds|AGAINST THE HANDICAPPED CHILDREN]], ANYWAY?! I MEAN, I KNOW MY HANDICAP IS [[Kick the Autistic|AUTISM]], AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! AND YOU, MRS. BIRD (Burns?), I THINK THAT F IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL! I MEAN, [[Chris and his Ego|I AM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT]].'''

[''stress sigh'']

Anyway, it's time I sign off. Well, this has been ''The Christian Chandler Show'', and we hope you all enjoyed it. And, as we say in the land of TV Land...goodnight, folks!

[''covers camera with hand and "sings" theme song'']

==See also==
* [[Greene County Conspiracy]] - 12 YEARS LATER, Chris still sits in the dark and complains about people hating him for being Autistic

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]|}}
{{Writings}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Poetry]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1998-05-15]]

Sandy Rosechu

2015-06-18T00:55:22Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Future */

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]

{{quote|Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|Sandy, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the bastard daughter of [[Simonla Rosechu]] and [[Wild Sonichu]], with many of the same design elements as the former and none of the latter, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she has no other discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

{{quote|"At least I will not have this issue to deal with in my teen years..."|Sandy, sadly mistaken for the years of therapy she'll need}}

In [[February 2010]] Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [[:File:SchuComic11P81.jpg|death page]] to reveal that Wild and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. It should be noted that Wild and Simonla were, as far as we know, never married, so Sandy is a bastard child. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg ruminating about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers caring about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Being sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "[[Lie|Evan killed Mommy]]".<ref>''[[Sonichu 10]]'', pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_79 79]-[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_84 84]</ref>

Less than a week after her hatching, Wild tricks Sandy into playing with Soft Sand. According to Chris's [[CWCipedia]] ramblings on [[Rosechu (species)#Rosechus and evolution|Rosechu evolution]], a Sandy Rosechu will evolve when it has high happiness and soft sand. This provides a possible explanation for how she was fully grown within one week.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu#Rosechu.27s_Evolution Rosechu's Evolution]; ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_85 p. 85].</ref> It is not unlikely that her very name is related to the role of sand in her evolution. The fact that this means Wild essentially stole his daughter's childhood and ''forced'' her to grow up in order to fulfill a revenge fantasy is both incredibly disturbing and completely in-line with the rest of the horrifying content present in [[Sonichu 10]].

By the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla, she has the intelligence of a fourth-grader. [[Chris and the Law|Naturally]], all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, going as far as to mutilate Evan's genitals, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together.<ref>''[[Sonichu 10]]'', pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_86 86]-[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_92 92].</ref> If this wasn't fucked up enough, consider that Evan is technically, by the standards of the [[Chris and reality|CWCiverse]], Sandy's grandfather.

==Outside the comics==
{{quote|She kind of looks exactly like Simonla, but with like Lisa Simpson hair.| Alec's response to Sandy, [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|9th Phonecall with Chris]]}}

Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD! Chris even goes into detail that Sandy is basically filling every single role Simonla did, becoming a construction worker, hanging out with [[Zapina]] and basically every single thing Simonla has ever been seen doing<ref>''[[Sonichu 10]]'', [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_86 page 86]</ref> (which, fortunately, was very little).

According to the [[CWCipedia]], she is a good friend of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] and attends [[Barbara Chandler|Anneweston Elementary School]] with them.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref>

==Future==
[[File:Lego Sandy.jpg|thumb|right|[[LEGO]] Sandy.]]
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will get sent to [[the Moon]], but if she becomes a recurrent character, she'll probably follow in her mother's footsteps and devolve into [[Women's rights|yet another soulless husk]] who lives only to validate the heterosexuality of some random Sonichu.

On 24 [[May 2014]], Chris revealed on Facebook that Sandy's mother [[Simonla Rosechu#Resurrection|has come back from the dead]]. Whether or not young Sandy should interpret this as good news is up to the readers to decide.

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Rosechus]]

[[Category: Asperchu Saga]]

Chaotic Combo

2015-06-18T00:50:12Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Magi-Chan */

[[File:CC.PNG|thumb|right|200px|That's right, he's given them a logo. You know, in case he gets a call asking for a merchandising deal.]]
[[File:Sonicu Guys by TokiKoKawaii.jpg|thumb|The chaotic combo are STRAIGHT!]]
The '''Chaotic Combo''' is a team of Sonichu recolors with varying amounts of personality (ranging from one-dimensional to slightly more than one-dimensional) and screen-time. The Chaotic Combo first appeared in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_10 Page 10]</ref>. The name was ripped off from Chaotix, a gang of five detectives first appearing in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Knuckles' Chaotix|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''.

==Backstory==

The Chaotic Combo were created at the same moment [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were made. When the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]] flew out of Sonic and Pikachu and hit the female Raichu, some eggs flew out of the rainbow for no clear reason and landed in a variety of locations (in [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|the past]], so Chris won't feel like such a [[pedofork|paedophile]] for drawing porn of them). These hatched into [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]]s and [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Rosey]]s that were then raised by nearby Pokémon.

==Members==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:wild-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Wild Sonichu]]===
The leader. Wild was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]] and a [[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]. The Scyther, his father, and the Venusaur, his mother, taught him the skills necessary to survive in the jungle. He can swing through jungles and turn invisible. He attacks with razor leaves and vine whips. He is a confident, outgoing and courageous character, although he still has trouble talking to girls because otherwise Chris couldn't relate to him. He eventually ends up in a relationship with a [[Simonla Rosechu|stolen character]] and has [[Sandy Rosechu|a child]] with her.
 
'' "Green electric/grass hedgehog Pokemon. 2nd in command of the Chaotic Combo. He was raised by a Venusaur, and has a perfect Razor Leaf attack (with a dash of lightning)."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bubbles-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Bubbles Rosechu]]===
The dumb one. Bubbles was raised by a female [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]. She has no personality whatsoever, other than being a total whore and being shown to get her rocks off by being electrocuted or hit with "Psychic Needles". Her powers include control over water and the ability to bitch slap her enemies. She's also screwing [[Blake]]. Apparently, she can create tidal waves, which are normally caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, or meteorite impact, but either way kill thousands of people. Bubbles is Water/Electric.
 
''"Blue electric/water hedgehog Pokemon. Optimistic and full of energy, when she feels happy, she will tell everyone. She was raised by a mother Swampert who taught her how to create tidal waves."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:punchy-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Punchy Sonichu]]===
The token minority. An incarnation of how Chris sees [[Chris and race|Asian people]], Punchy is a slanty-eyed self-proclaimed "strike ninja" who had his tail ripped off in a matter of seconds by [[Mypoe]] seconds after crash landing into [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#G.D.W._Shinabe|G.D.W. Shinabe]]'s dojo. Having his tail promptly removed somehow caused the [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]] to evolve into Punchy, which made him a martial arts expert. Punchy then used a sky uppercut to launch Mypoe into the stratosphere, clearly murdering her. Mypoe's father reacted to this by congratulating him and taking him on as his star pupil. Supposedly, Punchy is full of "[[Random-access humor|Random Access Humor]]", except he doesn't really show up in the comic a lot, and when he does, he isn't funny. Punchy attacks with punches; gee, who would've thought? Punchy is Fighting/Electric, another type combo that doesn't exist in the actual game.
 
''"Red electric/fighting hedgehog Pokemon. Punchy is very strong and full of random weird humor. He lost his tail in a fight. He was raised in a dojo in Japan."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:angelica-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]===
The [[Chris and Religion|Jesus freak]]. Raised by "some nuns", Angelica uses her magic powers to grow flowers with such messages as "HOPE" and "PEACE & LOVE". Only has slightly more personality than Bubbles. Uses words like "pray" and "Lord" randomly to show that she is religious, despite rampantly engaging in premarital sex and even [[mass debating]] in church. Angelica doesn't fight very often but she apparently can use ''wing attacks'' and ''whirlwinds''. Angelica is Flying/Electric, and as such, has Angel Wings.
 
''"White electric/flying hedgehog Pokemon. She usually remains peaceful and calm, and she prays every night. Angelica was raised in a church by some nuns."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:magichan-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Magi-Chan]]===
The closet case. Probably the most interesting of the bunch, Magi-chan is a supposedly very intelligent Sonichu recolor who has psychic powers and can travel through [[Time Void|time]] and stuff. Indeed, Magi-chan's amazing powers are so powerful and amazing that he can instantly fix all of the [[Chris and Writing|plot holes]] by powers of mind alone! This habit of his has resulted in his earning the nickname of '''Deus ex machina chu'''. Raised by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who communicated with him telepathically after he hatched. Known for being very, very gay. The only member of the Chaotic Combo, and probably one of the few Sonichus altogether, that bothers wearing clothing, even if it's just a vest. Magi-chan is Psychic/Electric, a ''third'' combination that doesn't exist in the game. Wow, he came up with three original Pokémon type mixes. What a superstar.
 
''"Purple electric/psychic hedgehog Pokemon. He has telekinetic powers, and he can bend anything with his mind."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>
</table>

==Notable Character Relationships==
===Sonichu and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
Sonichu has a quite close working relationship and friendship with the rest of the Combo, almost to the point where he's a sixth member. He's seen more often with a member of the Combo than they are as a full team by themselves. Not to mention that Sonichu has no problem hanging out with [[Rosechu]] and her [[gal pal|Gal-pals]]. Moreover, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] are said to play with [[Sandy Rosechu|Wild's own groinspawn]]. Since he's the only one besides [[Bubbles]] who has any aptitude with electric attacks and he also has the ear of the mayor, it's quite a symbiotic relationship. Not unlike that of a cleaner shrimp and a moray eel.

===Blake and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
While shown to be individually more powerful than any of the other members, he turns into a simpering bitch after [[media:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|getting gangbanged]] by Sonichu and the rest of the Combo and developing a crush on Bubbles. His status in the rest of the clique rose considerably after attending a few birthday parties and becoming Bubbles' gelding. Ironically, Blake was able to get [[Sonichu 10|far more evil done]] as a confident of the Chaotic Comic than he ever did working for Giovanni and Robotnik.

===Magi-chan and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
The other members of the Chaotic Combo seem to freely use Magi-chan for teleportation services and information about the latest plot device of the week while doing little to return the favor. Strangely, Magi-chan doesn't seem to resent this frequent badgering for assistance. In his first meet-up with the others in [[Episode 11]] he's actually a bit peevish when people take their sweet time to ask him for his psychic taxi services. This stoic commitment to duty is, to no one's surprise, waived when it's Chris-chan doing the asking.

===Angelica, Bubbles, and Rosechu===
Like Sonichu, Rosechu is frequently seen hanging out with the other two female members of the Chaotic Combo. Unfortunately, as she's but a mere [[women's rights|female character in ''Sonichu'']] she's only seen interacting with them in warm scenes of domesticity. Stuff like shopping at the mall, hanging out at the beach, or stripping to protest dickgirl pictures.

===Wild and Punchy===
Strangely, Wild and Punchy is the only [[JERKS|male-male]] relationship depicted positively in Sonichu. They're the two members most likely to be seen together, making small talk, or taking classes. [[Homos|Ahem]].

===Punchy and Angelica===
Punchy initially develops a crush on Angelica after she attends to him after getting pwned by Blake's hoverboard. This infatuation only lasts until he starts IM-ing [[Layla Flaafy]], whereupon he immediately forgets his years-long feelings for Angelica.

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

Chaotic Combo

2015-06-18T00:46:17Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Angelica Rosechu */

[[File:CC.PNG|thumb|right|200px|That's right, he's given them a logo. You know, in case he gets a call asking for a merchandising deal.]]
[[File:Sonicu Guys by TokiKoKawaii.jpg|thumb|The chaotic combo are STRAIGHT!]]
The '''Chaotic Combo''' is a team of Sonichu recolors with varying amounts of personality (ranging from one-dimensional to slightly more than one-dimensional) and screen-time. The Chaotic Combo first appeared in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_10 Page 10]</ref>. The name was ripped off from Chaotix, a gang of five detectives first appearing in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Knuckles' Chaotix|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''.

==Backstory==

The Chaotic Combo were created at the same moment [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were made. When the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]] flew out of Sonic and Pikachu and hit the female Raichu, some eggs flew out of the rainbow for no clear reason and landed in a variety of locations (in [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|the past]], so Chris won't feel like such a [[pedofork|paedophile]] for drawing porn of them). These hatched into [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]]s and [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Rosey]]s that were then raised by nearby Pokémon.

==Members==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:wild-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Wild Sonichu]]===
The leader. Wild was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]] and a [[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]. The Scyther, his father, and the Venusaur, his mother, taught him the skills necessary to survive in the jungle. He can swing through jungles and turn invisible. He attacks with razor leaves and vine whips. He is a confident, outgoing and courageous character, although he still has trouble talking to girls because otherwise Chris couldn't relate to him. He eventually ends up in a relationship with a [[Simonla Rosechu|stolen character]] and has [[Sandy Rosechu|a child]] with her.
 
'' "Green electric/grass hedgehog Pokemon. 2nd in command of the Chaotic Combo. He was raised by a Venusaur, and has a perfect Razor Leaf attack (with a dash of lightning)."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bubbles-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Bubbles Rosechu]]===
The dumb one. Bubbles was raised by a female [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]. She has no personality whatsoever, other than being a total whore and being shown to get her rocks off by being electrocuted or hit with "Psychic Needles". Her powers include control over water and the ability to bitch slap her enemies. She's also screwing [[Blake]]. Apparently, she can create tidal waves, which are normally caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, or meteorite impact, but either way kill thousands of people. Bubbles is Water/Electric.
 
''"Blue electric/water hedgehog Pokemon. Optimistic and full of energy, when she feels happy, she will tell everyone. She was raised by a mother Swampert who taught her how to create tidal waves."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:punchy-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Punchy Sonichu]]===
The token minority. An incarnation of how Chris sees [[Chris and race|Asian people]], Punchy is a slanty-eyed self-proclaimed "strike ninja" who had his tail ripped off in a matter of seconds by [[Mypoe]] seconds after crash landing into [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#G.D.W._Shinabe|G.D.W. Shinabe]]'s dojo. Having his tail promptly removed somehow caused the [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]] to evolve into Punchy, which made him a martial arts expert. Punchy then used a sky uppercut to launch Mypoe into the stratosphere, clearly murdering her. Mypoe's father reacted to this by congratulating him and taking him on as his star pupil. Supposedly, Punchy is full of "[[Random-access humor|Random Access Humor]]", except he doesn't really show up in the comic a lot, and when he does, he isn't funny. Punchy attacks with punches; gee, who would've thought? Punchy is Fighting/Electric, another type combo that doesn't exist in the actual game.
 
''"Red electric/fighting hedgehog Pokemon. Punchy is very strong and full of random weird humor. He lost his tail in a fight. He was raised in a dojo in Japan."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:angelica-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]===
The [[Chris and Religion|Jesus freak]]. Raised by "some nuns", Angelica uses her magic powers to grow flowers with such messages as "HOPE" and "PEACE & LOVE". Only has slightly more personality than Bubbles. Uses words like "pray" and "Lord" randomly to show that she is religious, despite rampantly engaging in premarital sex and even [[mass debating]] in church. Angelica doesn't fight very often but she apparently can use ''wing attacks'' and ''whirlwinds''. Angelica is Flying/Electric, and as such, has Angel Wings.
 
''"White electric/flying hedgehog Pokemon. She usually remains peaceful and calm, and she prays every night. Angelica was raised in a church by some nuns."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:magichan-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Magi-Chan]]===
The closet case. Probably the most interesting of the bunch, Magi-chan is a supposedly very intelligent Sonichu recolor who has psychic powers and can travel through [[Time Void|time]] and stuff. Indeed, Magi-chan's amazing powers are so powerful and amazing that he can instantly fix all of the plot holes by powers of mind alone! This habit of his has resulted in his earning the nickname of '''Deus ex machina chu'''. Raised by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who communicated with him telepathically after he hatched. Known for being very, very gay. The only member of the Chaotic Combo, and probably one of the few Sonichus altogether, that bothers wearing clothing, even if it's just a vest. Magi-chan is Psychic/Electric, a ''third'' combination that doesn't exist in the game. Wow, he came up with three original Pokémon type mixes. What a superstar.
 
''"Purple electric/psychic hedgehog Pokemon. He has telekinetic powers, and he can bend anything with his mind."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>
</table>

==Notable Character Relationships==
===Sonichu and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
Sonichu has a quite close working relationship and friendship with the rest of the Combo, almost to the point where he's a sixth member. He's seen more often with a member of the Combo than they are as a full team by themselves. Not to mention that Sonichu has no problem hanging out with [[Rosechu]] and her [[gal pal|Gal-pals]]. Moreover, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] are said to play with [[Sandy Rosechu|Wild's own groinspawn]]. Since he's the only one besides [[Bubbles]] who has any aptitude with electric attacks and he also has the ear of the mayor, it's quite a symbiotic relationship. Not unlike that of a cleaner shrimp and a moray eel.

===Blake and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
While shown to be individually more powerful than any of the other members, he turns into a simpering bitch after [[media:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|getting gangbanged]] by Sonichu and the rest of the Combo and developing a crush on Bubbles. His status in the rest of the clique rose considerably after attending a few birthday parties and becoming Bubbles' gelding. Ironically, Blake was able to get [[Sonichu 10|far more evil done]] as a confident of the Chaotic Comic than he ever did working for Giovanni and Robotnik.

===Magi-chan and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
The other members of the Chaotic Combo seem to freely use Magi-chan for teleportation services and information about the latest plot device of the week while doing little to return the favor. Strangely, Magi-chan doesn't seem to resent this frequent badgering for assistance. In his first meet-up with the others in [[Episode 11]] he's actually a bit peevish when people take their sweet time to ask him for his psychic taxi services. This stoic commitment to duty is, to no one's surprise, waived when it's Chris-chan doing the asking.

===Angelica, Bubbles, and Rosechu===
Like Sonichu, Rosechu is frequently seen hanging out with the other two female members of the Chaotic Combo. Unfortunately, as she's but a mere [[women's rights|female character in ''Sonichu'']] she's only seen interacting with them in warm scenes of domesticity. Stuff like shopping at the mall, hanging out at the beach, or stripping to protest dickgirl pictures.

===Wild and Punchy===
Strangely, Wild and Punchy is the only [[JERKS|male-male]] relationship depicted positively in Sonichu. They're the two members most likely to be seen together, making small talk, or taking classes. [[Homos|Ahem]].

===Punchy and Angelica===
Punchy initially develops a crush on Angelica after she attends to him after getting pwned by Blake's hoverboard. This infatuation only lasts until he starts IM-ing [[Layla Flaafy]], whereupon he immediately forgets his years-long feelings for Angelica.

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

Chaotic Combo

2015-06-18T00:42:59Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Bubbles Rosechu */

[[File:CC.PNG|thumb|right|200px|That's right, he's given them a logo. You know, in case he gets a call asking for a merchandising deal.]]
[[File:Sonicu Guys by TokiKoKawaii.jpg|thumb|The chaotic combo are STRAIGHT!]]
The '''Chaotic Combo''' is a team of Sonichu recolors with varying amounts of personality (ranging from one-dimensional to slightly more than one-dimensional) and screen-time. The Chaotic Combo first appeared in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_10 Page 10]</ref>. The name was ripped off from Chaotix, a gang of five detectives first appearing in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Knuckles' Chaotix|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''.

==Backstory==

The Chaotic Combo were created at the same moment [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were made. When the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]] flew out of Sonic and Pikachu and hit the female Raichu, some eggs flew out of the rainbow for no clear reason and landed in a variety of locations (in [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|the past]], so Chris won't feel like such a [[pedofork|paedophile]] for drawing porn of them). These hatched into [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]]s and [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Rosey]]s that were then raised by nearby Pokémon.

==Members==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:wild-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Wild Sonichu]]===
The leader. Wild was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]] and a [[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]. The Scyther, his father, and the Venusaur, his mother, taught him the skills necessary to survive in the jungle. He can swing through jungles and turn invisible. He attacks with razor leaves and vine whips. He is a confident, outgoing and courageous character, although he still has trouble talking to girls because otherwise Chris couldn't relate to him. He eventually ends up in a relationship with a [[Simonla Rosechu|stolen character]] and has [[Sandy Rosechu|a child]] with her.
 
'' "Green electric/grass hedgehog Pokemon. 2nd in command of the Chaotic Combo. He was raised by a Venusaur, and has a perfect Razor Leaf attack (with a dash of lightning)."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bubbles-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Bubbles Rosechu]]===
The dumb one. Bubbles was raised by a female [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]. She has no personality whatsoever, other than being a total whore and being shown to get her rocks off by being electrocuted or hit with "Psychic Needles". Her powers include control over water and the ability to bitch slap her enemies. She's also screwing [[Blake]]. Apparently, she can create tidal waves, which are normally caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, or meteorite impact, but either way kill thousands of people. Bubbles is Water/Electric.
 
''"Blue electric/water hedgehog Pokemon. Optimistic and full of energy, when she feels happy, she will tell everyone. She was raised by a mother Swampert who taught her how to create tidal waves."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:punchy-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Punchy Sonichu]]===
The token minority. An incarnation of how Chris sees [[Chris and race|Asian people]], Punchy is a slanty-eyed self-proclaimed "strike ninja" who had his tail ripped off in a matter of seconds by [[Mypoe]] seconds after crash landing into [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#G.D.W._Shinabe|G.D.W. Shinabe]]'s dojo. Having his tail promptly removed somehow caused the [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]] to evolve into Punchy, which made him a martial arts expert. Punchy then used a sky uppercut to launch Mypoe into the stratosphere, clearly murdering her. Mypoe's father reacted to this by congratulating him and taking him on as his star pupil. Supposedly, Punchy is full of "[[Random-access humor|Random Access Humor]]", except he doesn't really show up in the comic a lot, and when he does, he isn't funny. Punchy attacks with punches; gee, who would've thought? Punchy is Fighting/Electric, another type combo that doesn't exist in the actual game.
 
''"Red electric/fighting hedgehog Pokemon. Punchy is very strong and full of random weird humor. He lost his tail in a fight. He was raised in a dojo in Japan."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:angelica-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]===
The Jesus freak. Raised by "some nuns", Angelica uses her magic powers to grow flowers with such messages as "HOPE" and "PEACE & LOVE". Only has slightly more personality than Bubbles. Uses words like "pray" and "Lord" randomly to show that she is religious, despite rampantly engaging in premarital sex and even [[mass debating]] in church. Angelica doesn't fight very often but she apparently can use ''wing attacks'' and ''whirlwinds''. Angelica is Flying/Electric, and as such, has Angel Wings.
 
''"White electric/flying hedgehog Pokemon. She usually remains peaceful and calm, and she prays every night. Angelica was raised in a church by some nuns."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:magichan-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Magi-Chan]]===
The closet case. Probably the most interesting of the bunch, Magi-chan is a supposedly very intelligent Sonichu recolor who has psychic powers and can travel through [[Time Void|time]] and stuff. Indeed, Magi-chan's amazing powers are so powerful and amazing that he can instantly fix all of the plot holes by powers of mind alone! This habit of his has resulted in his earning the nickname of '''Deus ex machina chu'''. Raised by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who communicated with him telepathically after he hatched. Known for being very, very gay. The only member of the Chaotic Combo, and probably one of the few Sonichus altogether, that bothers wearing clothing, even if it's just a vest. Magi-chan is Psychic/Electric, a ''third'' combination that doesn't exist in the game. Wow, he came up with three original Pokémon type mixes. What a superstar.
 
''"Purple electric/psychic hedgehog Pokemon. He has telekinetic powers, and he can bend anything with his mind."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>
</table>

==Notable Character Relationships==
===Sonichu and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
Sonichu has a quite close working relationship and friendship with the rest of the Combo, almost to the point where he's a sixth member. He's seen more often with a member of the Combo than they are as a full team by themselves. Not to mention that Sonichu has no problem hanging out with [[Rosechu]] and her [[gal pal|Gal-pals]]. Moreover, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] are said to play with [[Sandy Rosechu|Wild's own groinspawn]]. Since he's the only one besides [[Bubbles]] who has any aptitude with electric attacks and he also has the ear of the mayor, it's quite a symbiotic relationship. Not unlike that of a cleaner shrimp and a moray eel.

===Blake and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
While shown to be individually more powerful than any of the other members, he turns into a simpering bitch after [[media:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|getting gangbanged]] by Sonichu and the rest of the Combo and developing a crush on Bubbles. His status in the rest of the clique rose considerably after attending a few birthday parties and becoming Bubbles' gelding. Ironically, Blake was able to get [[Sonichu 10|far more evil done]] as a confident of the Chaotic Comic than he ever did working for Giovanni and Robotnik.

===Magi-chan and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
The other members of the Chaotic Combo seem to freely use Magi-chan for teleportation services and information about the latest plot device of the week while doing little to return the favor. Strangely, Magi-chan doesn't seem to resent this frequent badgering for assistance. In his first meet-up with the others in [[Episode 11]] he's actually a bit peevish when people take their sweet time to ask him for his psychic taxi services. This stoic commitment to duty is, to no one's surprise, waived when it's Chris-chan doing the asking.

===Angelica, Bubbles, and Rosechu===
Like Sonichu, Rosechu is frequently seen hanging out with the other two female members of the Chaotic Combo. Unfortunately, as she's but a mere [[women's rights|female character in ''Sonichu'']] she's only seen interacting with them in warm scenes of domesticity. Stuff like shopping at the mall, hanging out at the beach, or stripping to protest dickgirl pictures.

===Wild and Punchy===
Strangely, Wild and Punchy is the only [[JERKS|male-male]] relationship depicted positively in Sonichu. They're the two members most likely to be seen together, making small talk, or taking classes. [[Homos|Ahem]].

===Punchy and Angelica===
Punchy initially develops a crush on Angelica after she attends to him after getting pwned by Blake's hoverboard. This infatuation only lasts until he starts IM-ing [[Layla Flaafy]], whereupon he immediately forgets his years-long feelings for Angelica.

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

Chaotic Combo

2015-06-18T00:41:12Z

PerhapsGlowing: /* Wild Sonichu */

[[File:CC.PNG|thumb|right|200px|That's right, he's given them a logo. You know, in case he gets a call asking for a merchandising deal.]]
[[File:Sonicu Guys by TokiKoKawaii.jpg|thumb|The chaotic combo are STRAIGHT!]]
The '''Chaotic Combo''' is a team of Sonichu recolors with varying amounts of personality (ranging from one-dimensional to slightly more than one-dimensional) and screen-time. The Chaotic Combo first appeared in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_10 Page 10]</ref>. The name was ripped off from Chaotix, a gang of five detectives first appearing in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Knuckles' Chaotix|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''.

==Backstory==

The Chaotic Combo were created at the same moment [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were made. When the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]] flew out of Sonic and Pikachu and hit the female Raichu, some eggs flew out of the rainbow for no clear reason and landed in a variety of locations (in [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|the past]], so Chris won't feel like such a [[pedofork|paedophile]] for drawing porn of them). These hatched into [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]]s and [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Rosey]]s that were then raised by nearby Pokémon.

==Members==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:wild-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Wild Sonichu]]===
The leader. Wild was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]] and a [[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]. The Scyther, his father, and the Venusaur, his mother, taught him the skills necessary to survive in the jungle. He can swing through jungles and turn invisible. He attacks with razor leaves and vine whips. He is a confident, outgoing and courageous character, although he still has trouble talking to girls because otherwise Chris couldn't relate to him. He eventually ends up in a relationship with a [[Simonla Rosechu|stolen character]] and has [[Sandy Rosechu|a child]] with her.
 
'' "Green electric/grass hedgehog Pokemon. 2nd in command of the Chaotic Combo. He was raised by a Venusaur, and has a perfect Razor Leaf attack (with a dash of lightning)."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bubbles-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Bubbles Rosechu]]===
The dumb one. Bubbles was raised by a female [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]. She has no personality whatsoever, other than being a total whore and being shown to get her rocks off by being electrocuted or hit with "Psychic Needles". Her powers include control over water and the ability to bitch slap her enemies. Is screwing [[Blake]]. Apparently, she can create tidal waves, which are normally caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, or meteorite impact, but either way, kill thousands of people. Bubbles is Water/Electric.
 
''"Blue electric/water hedgehog Pokemon. Optimistic and full of energy, when she feels happy, she will tell everyone. She was raised by a mother Swampert who taught her how to create tidal waves."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:punchy-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Punchy Sonichu]]===
The token minority. An incarnation of how Chris sees [[Chris and race|Asian people]], Punchy is a slanty-eyed self-proclaimed "strike ninja" who had his tail ripped off in a matter of seconds by [[Mypoe]] seconds after crash landing into [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#G.D.W._Shinabe|G.D.W. Shinabe]]'s dojo. Having his tail promptly removed somehow caused the [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]] to evolve into Punchy, which made him a martial arts expert. Punchy then used a sky uppercut to launch Mypoe into the stratosphere, clearly murdering her. Mypoe's father reacted to this by congratulating him and taking him on as his star pupil. Supposedly, Punchy is full of "[[Random-access humor|Random Access Humor]]", except he doesn't really show up in the comic a lot, and when he does, he isn't funny. Punchy attacks with punches; gee, who would've thought? Punchy is Fighting/Electric, another type combo that doesn't exist in the actual game.
 
''"Red electric/fighting hedgehog Pokemon. Punchy is very strong and full of random weird humor. He lost his tail in a fight. He was raised in a dojo in Japan."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:angelica-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]===
The Jesus freak. Raised by "some nuns", Angelica uses her magic powers to grow flowers with such messages as "HOPE" and "PEACE & LOVE". Only has slightly more personality than Bubbles. Uses words like "pray" and "Lord" randomly to show that she is religious, despite rampantly engaging in premarital sex and even [[mass debating]] in church. Angelica doesn't fight very often but she apparently can use ''wing attacks'' and ''whirlwinds''. Angelica is Flying/Electric, and as such, has Angel Wings.
 
''"White electric/flying hedgehog Pokemon. She usually remains peaceful and calm, and she prays every night. Angelica was raised in a church by some nuns."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:magichan-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Magi-Chan]]===
The closet case. Probably the most interesting of the bunch, Magi-chan is a supposedly very intelligent Sonichu recolor who has psychic powers and can travel through [[Time Void|time]] and stuff. Indeed, Magi-chan's amazing powers are so powerful and amazing that he can instantly fix all of the plot holes by powers of mind alone! This habit of his has resulted in his earning the nickname of '''Deus ex machina chu'''. Raised by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who communicated with him telepathically after he hatched. Known for being very, very gay. The only member of the Chaotic Combo, and probably one of the few Sonichus altogether, that bothers wearing clothing, even if it's just a vest. Magi-chan is Psychic/Electric, a ''third'' combination that doesn't exist in the game. Wow, he came up with three original Pokémon type mixes. What a superstar.
 
''"Purple electric/psychic hedgehog Pokemon. He has telekinetic powers, and he can bend anything with his mind."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>
</table>

==Notable Character Relationships==
===Sonichu and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
Sonichu has a quite close working relationship and friendship with the rest of the Combo, almost to the point where he's a sixth member. He's seen more often with a member of the Combo than they are as a full team by themselves. Not to mention that Sonichu has no problem hanging out with [[Rosechu]] and her [[gal pal|Gal-pals]]. Moreover, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] are said to play with [[Sandy Rosechu|Wild's own groinspawn]]. Since he's the only one besides [[Bubbles]] who has any aptitude with electric attacks and he also has the ear of the mayor, it's quite a symbiotic relationship. Not unlike that of a cleaner shrimp and a moray eel.

===Blake and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
While shown to be individually more powerful than any of the other members, he turns into a simpering bitch after [[media:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|getting gangbanged]] by Sonichu and the rest of the Combo and developing a crush on Bubbles. His status in the rest of the clique rose considerably after attending a few birthday parties and becoming Bubbles' gelding. Ironically, Blake was able to get [[Sonichu 10|far more evil done]] as a confident of the Chaotic Comic than he ever did working for Giovanni and Robotnik.

===Magi-chan and the rest of the Chaotic Combo===
The other members of the Chaotic Combo seem to freely use Magi-chan for teleportation services and information about the latest plot device of the week while doing little to return the favor. Strangely, Magi-chan doesn't seem to resent this frequent badgering for assistance. In his first meet-up with the others in [[Episode 11]] he's actually a bit peevish when people take their sweet time to ask him for his psychic taxi services. This stoic commitment to duty is, to no one's surprise, waived when it's Chris-chan doing the asking.

===Angelica, Bubbles, and Rosechu===
Like Sonichu, Rosechu is frequently seen hanging out with the other two female members of the Chaotic Combo. Unfortunately, as she's but a mere [[women's rights|female character in ''Sonichu'']] she's only seen interacting with them in warm scenes of domesticity. Stuff like shopping at the mall, hanging out at the beach, or stripping to protest dickgirl pictures.

===Wild and Punchy===
Strangely, Wild and Punchy is the only [[JERKS|male-male]] relationship depicted positively in Sonichu. They're the two members most likely to be seen together, making small talk, or taking classes. [[Homos|Ahem]].

===Punchy and Angelica===
Punchy initially develops a crush on Angelica after she attends to him after getting pwned by Blake's hoverboard. This infatuation only lasts until he starts IM-ing [[Layla Flaafy]], whereupon he immediately forgets his years-long feelings for Angelica.

==References==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]