CWCki - User contributions [en]

2013

2013-05-01T03:08:16Z

Phones: /* April */

[[File:Facebook1.jpg|thumb|In '''2013''', Chris mourned his expulsion from [[The GAMe PLACe|Heaven]].]]
'''2013''' is the fifth year of organized trolling since Chris's discovery. However, like the [[2011|two]] [[2012|years]] before it, it began with nothing of note, ever since Chris began [[This is how the Trial went|serving out his sentence.]] It remains to be seen if this ordeal ''(which will end in July)'' will finally knock some sense into him, though judging from [[Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day|past experiences]], it seems pretty unlikely.

However, this year is still notable as being the year where Chris' ego would cause him to become alienated with the few people he has left as "friends" ''(namely, Anna and the congregation of his church.)'' It even caused him to get chastised for his attention-whoring by a well-known voice actress from [[My Little Pony]] in April. With the death of Bob a couple of years ago and his once-enablers getting tired of his antics, Chris is headed down a road that many have tried and failed to warn him about - one where the number of people willing to tolerate him are getting fewer and fewer.

==January==
*11 January 2013 - Chris changes his [[Facebook]] [[:File:Facebook1.jpg|picture]] [[:File:Facebook2.jpg|twice]] in one day.

==February==
*24 February 2013 - Chris [[Chris's birthday|turns 31]]

==March==
[[File:Chris march2013.jpg|thumb|Chris in March]]
*8 March 2013 - A photo of Chris in his tomgirl attire is featured on the fourth episode of [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|MTV's ''Failosophy'']].
*9 March 2013 - On Facebook, Chris [[Facebook#Sonichu is not dead|insists]] that the ''Sonichu'' comic is not dead, despite two years without updates. He also [[:File:Failosophy.PNG|discovers]] that he was on MTV the previous day.
*28 March 2013 - Chris posts a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations.
*30 March - An [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|epistle]] from Chris to his [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] is leaked on the CWCki forums. In the document Chris announces that he will be no longer going to church for a period of time. Details about the deterioration of Chris's relationships with his fellow parishioners and church staff are also revealed.

==April==
[[File:Haters to the left.jpg|thumb|250px|left|Chris in April 2013.]]
*4 April 2013 - Chris posts a [[Facebook#Game Place|a new Facebook note]], in which he says he has no more interest in the [[The GAMe PLACe]].
*20 April 2013 - Chris uploads two new Facebook pictures. One of them depicts him holding a sign that reads "Haters to the Left," and points to the viewer's right in typical Chris fashion, while the other one shows him holding a different sign that declares him "[his] own free bitch."

==July==
*10 July - Chris' year-long probation, [[28 October 2011|passed down by the court]], will end today.

==September==
*6 September - The second anniversary of [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death from heart failure.

==October==
*1 October - [[Barbara]]'s 72nd birthday.
*31 October - [[Halloween]]
==December==
*25 December - [[Christmas]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

Rocky Shoemaker call

2012-08-11T18:48:13Z

Phones: Coloring, proper linebreaking, etc

On 8 [[December 2011]], a [[troll]] called [[Rocky Shoemaker]] and pretended to be a court-appointed psychiatrist named "'''Dr. Perron'''." In the process, "Perron" managed to get a variety of details about the Chandlers' living conditions from her.

It is revealed that there is a severe bug infestation at [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's home]], which might explain why he was "[[Voicemail greeting#6 December 2011|sick]]." The call also reveals that [[Bob]] was originally hospitalized and quarantined for "bug bites" before he died. Doctor Perron advises Ms. Shoemaker to convince Barb and Chris to move out of the property whilst the trial goes on and that perhaps Ms. Shoemaker could find them a temporary home within the church outreach program whilst Doctor Perron arranges a fumigation of the property.

== Transcript ==
''(phone ringing) '' 
'''Shoemaker''': Hello? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Good afternoon, uh, is this, uh, Ms. Shoemaker? 
'''Shoemaker''': I... I beg your pardon? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, is this, uh, Ms. or Mrs., uh, Shoemaker? 
'''Shoemaker''': Yes. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, thank you. Um, yes, uh, I, my name is, uh, Dr. Perron. I was appointed by the court to, uh, give an assessment of Chris' mental [[health]]. Have you been aware of all... any of this? 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, no, I don't have any authorization to talk to anybody about this. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, well, he suggested that we give you a call. You've been his pastoral counselor for some time. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah, but I would have to see something in writing, uh, simply because I have been getting a lot of [[Prank calls|unauthorized phone calls]]. 
'''Doctor Perron''': From the court, or from this office? 
'''Shoemaker''': From, from, from...people claiming to be part of all this. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, um... sorry... did you say, did you say that... 
'''Shoemaker''': So... 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...did you say that you have received a call from this number before? Because, I did ask my secretary to try and reach you if she could. But that may have been her. 
'''Shoemaker''': I, I, I don't, I, I, I...your number is listed as unknown, so I have no idea what your number is. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, well, I'm calling from Virginia. Um, oh...*[[sigh]]*...well, uh, I suppose if there are security purposes... 
'''Shoemaker''': If you could...if you could fax an authorization, I'd be very happy to talk with you. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Certainly, do you have a fax number? 
'''Shoemaker''': Or if you could, or if you could, or if you could go through, uh, the lawyer, Robert Bell, uh, he would certainly authorize it. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, I've already spoken to Mr. Bell, and he's, uh, he gave me a list of numbers, of people that Christian recommended that we should get in touch with to, uh, come through some kind of assessment process, and uh, you're on top of the list. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Have you spoken with... 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that, that would be, that would be fine...I, I would just either have to have something in writing or I'd have to hear something from Mr. Bell himself. And that's just to protect Christian, um, because I've had police reports filed over the past two years around all of this, because of misuse of my phone. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, uh, yes, I was...I was made aware of everything that had been happening. Uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah. 
'''Doctor Perron''': What if this was previous to the, uh, to [[28 October 2011|the current case]]? 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah, yeah. I could understand that. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh... 
'''Doctor Perron''': This is what we were trying to do. We were attempting to get a kind of, uh, historical perspective on everything that had been going on. But, um, It's been very difficult, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Right. That makes perfect sense and I would be very happy to help with it. But, I, I do need to have some authorization. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, uh, I shall be meeting with Christian in uh, in, uh, Branchland Court uh, on the...hold on a second...either the tenth or the eleventh...hold on... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, yes, it would be the tenth. Uh, yeah, so we should be up there on the tenth. Uh, eleven o'clock in the morning? Uh, we just wanted to meet with Christian... 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh-huh. 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...um, I suppose, if you wanted to, uh, to have some kind of introduction, face to face, I assume Mr. Bell will be there as well, I suppose if you want to come along to that. 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that, that would be fine. This is on the tenth, that is... 
'''Doctor Perron''': On Saturday. 
'''Shoemaker''': What day of the week is...pardon? 
'''Doctor Perron''': That would be on Saturday. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, day after tomorrow. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': At what time? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, is it, uh, ten or...hold on a second...yes, it was eleven o'clock. In the morning. 
'''Shoemaker''': Eleven o'clock? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh-huh. I... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I assume... 
'''Shoemaker''': I...I could do that at eleven. 
'''Doctor Perron''': All right, I assume you know the way down there. *chuckle* 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, this is...would be in Mr. Bell's office? 
'''Doctor Perron''': No, this would be in, uh... Christian's home, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Where? 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...Christian's home, on uh, [[14 Branchland Court]]. He, uh, well I don't know, he, uh, requested that we, uh, liaise there and, uh, Mr. Bell seems to have gone along with it. It's, uh, a little unorthodox, but uh, we wouldn't mind seeing him inside his, uh...inside his home. To get a kind of sense of everything that had been going on...from him and [[Barb|his mother]] as well. 
'''Shoemaker''': Where...okay, uh...let me write down the, the address again. 
'''Doctor Perron''': It's, uh, 14 Branchland Court. It's, uh, Christian's home address. 
'''Shoemaker''': Oh! He is meeting you at his home? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Um...hm! 
'''Doctor Perron''': Like I said, it was a little unorthodox... 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that...it, it...it not only would be unorthodox but I think you'll have a very difficult time work...getting anything done in that home... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, how... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...simply because...um...w-uh, because, I, of things I know about the conditions of the home. Uh... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, this is... 
'''Shoemaker''': That is, is not... (''man in background mumbling "not okay"'') it's not going to be a good place to meet. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, they...this is again, why... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with even, uh, seeing the address itself, to get another kind of understanding of the perspective from, uh, Christian's angle. Um... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': At least, at least that was, the uh, the silver cloud of the lining that I was taking away from it. Um, like I said, it is rather unorthodox, but Christian requested it. And, uh, it may be, uh...prudent, I think... 
'''Shoemaker''': They...they, um, are having an infestation problem in that home. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, really? 
'''Shoemaker''': And, yeah. And, and, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|the health department]] has already visited there, and... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, my goodness. 
'''Shoemaker''': It...would probably not be a real wise place for you to go. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Are they still, are they still living there, or have they taken up alternate accommodation? Because, according to, uh, Mr. Bell and Christian, they were still living there... 
'''Shoemaker''': No. Yeah, they are still living there. 
'''Doctor Perron''': With an infestation, in Christian's condition? 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm! 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, that shouldn't...that shouldn't be at all. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, no. No it shouldn't, and, uh, the social services and the health department have, have been a part of that. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Have you, have you spoken with social services yourself? Because we uh, we've yet to speak with them. 
'''Shoemaker''': I, I have not...uh, I have spoken with health department people. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. I, I understood that you were sort of, um, uh, a personal assistant almost, and uh, as well as a counselor to Christian, you've accompanied him to several things before, so... 
'''Shoemaker''': Yes. Yes. Yes I have. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Mm. 
'''Shoemaker''': Absolutely, and I will be very happy to, to assist in, in whatever way I can. 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm, I... I'm not happy to hear about this infestation problem, uh, especially with Christian the way he is. Is there, is there any chance you could, uh, sort out some kind of alternate accommodation? Do you, have that kind of services at your disposal? 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... certainly you could meet at the church. 
'''Doctor Perron''': No, I meant... for actual accommodation for Christian. 
'''Shoemaker''': Oh, uh... that... that, that has to be, has to be handled through...uh...he's, he's not requesting anything alter-alternate. And any decisions like that have to come through social services, and that has been a long history as well. 
'''Doctor Perron''': That's-that's...that's why I was recommending...perhaps, if you had a sort of, um, a sort of church outreach program where you could offer temporary accommodation just until the trial's finished with, maybe Christian would be willing to go along with that. 'Cause, I, um... I understand that he doesn't want to move from his residence, but I also understand the infestation's a very bad thing at the moment. Especially with everything that's going on, so... we might want to recommend something that... 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, well, this has been, has been, has been a situation ongoing over... many months. And, um, uh, Christian, Christian seems to feel that he has stayed away from it. Uh, but that requires him to stay just in one room... 
'''Doctor Perron''': The infestation. 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... and, uh, heal-health services have, have talked with the family. Uh, so, it-it simply, uh, we have, we have always met with the family at the church or at the lawyer's, or with Christian somewhere wi-...in town. They have never wanted us to come to the house... 
'''Doctor Perron''': No, I can't understand... 
'''Shoemaker''': And... and, uh, I-I don't think Christian would be comfortable with me coming there. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, he-he did request, well I, I assume he requested that you would be there as well, but he did ask me to come down there to the residence. I don't really know what that's about now, or if Mr. Bell's going to be there or not. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah... uh, I, I would... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Personally, personally... 
'''Shoemaker''': I would be happy to talk with him... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Personally, I have no problem going down there myself... 
'''Shoemaker''': ... and, and see if I can... pardon? 
'''Doctor Perron''': I said, personally I have no problem going down there myself, I'm sure, I've seen far worse places... whatever kind of, infestations are going on. Um, but I was kind of hoping that we could have counted on your support to come along. If only, to sort of... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...to sort of handle the introductions in a personal way, with someone that Christian already knows. 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm...yeah. Uh...let me, let me talk with Christian and see if the same thing could be done at the church. 
'''Doctor Perron''': All right. I'll tell you what, I'll uh... I'll ask [[Allison Amber|my secretary]] to give you a call back, and we'll try and go from there. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay. 
'''Doctor Perron''': All right, should be about... in an hour or two. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I've got to, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Can I have your name again, please? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, this is Dr. Perron. P-E-double R-O-N. 
'''Shoemaker''': ....Doctor...Perron? 
'''Doctor Perron''': P-Perron. P-E-double R-O-N. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh-huh. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay, and... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm all set to give you a call back, and hopefully we can figure out what's going on before, uh, before Saturday. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah, yeah, uh....let me, let me call Christian and, and see...I-I just...I would have, working on a...on a family systems and on a pastoral counseling psychological basis... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Right. 
'''Shoemaker''': I-I would not think that that would be a good place to do the interview. Uh, they're going to be defensive. They're going to be trying to... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Christian... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...protect you from... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...uh, the nurses that went out there found that a very difficult place to try to work with them. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, even so... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': It...it would make sense though, in order to just, to gain that kind of persepective and see things from Christian's angle a little more. I-I-I do understand what you're saying about trying to put it in a, uh, a neutral environment, but, uh...I'm not too sure now. I wasn't aware that it's as bad as you say it was. 
'''Shoemaker''': I have not been there, and I do not know... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh. 
'''Shoemaker''': But... um, except from what the nurses have said. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, which nurses were these? 
'''Shoemaker''': Public health... nurses. 
'''Doctor Perron''': And how long ago was that? Was that... was that fairly recent? 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that was, uh... around the time of his father's death, his father's death. They were out there because of... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I have no idea... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...patient discharge procedures and such... 
'''Doctor Perron''': All that would have been about, um two or three months ago, I think. So yes, that is recent. 
'''Shoemaker''': And, and, he was... he was, while he was in the hospital, under [[Wikipedia:Quarantine|quarantine]] because of it. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Christian was? 
'''Shoemaker''': No, Christian's father. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, oh. So he, he's, he contracted something from the... from the infestation? 
'''Shoemaker''': He, he had...had, bug bites all over him. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, gee. Good God. Well that's...all right, uh, Miss, uh Mis-is it Miss or Mrs. Shoemaker? 
'''Shoemaker''': M-M-Miss Shoemaker. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Miss Shoemaker. 
'''Shoemaker''': Miss Shoemaker. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Um, I, I... 
'''Shoemaker''': It's Reverend Shoemaker, actually. 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm sorry? 
'''Shoemaker''': I-I said actually, I-I... officially, it's Reverend Shoemaker. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, Reverend-I didn't realize. Okay, um...all right, I think the best way to proceed, if you could, um, if you could speak with your church outreach group, if you could find some kind of temporary accommodation for Christian and his mother... uh, just until the, uh, the court case is over...we can, perhaps, see if we can get the state to fund a cleanup or something in the property. Because that's quite horrendous. And I think we can do something about it. We should... so, if you could find some kind of temporary accommodation for them, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...preferably within the church, because I can understand they wouldn't want to go with, uh, outside strangers... uh, I quite understand. 
'''Shoemaker''': I... really doubt that they would receive that offer at all. They have not, they have not received help from social services. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, you could understand why it would be in Christian's best interest if you could do that, because if he was to go to the court and if they were to present an assessment with, that he was living in such conditions along with his mother... then it would not fare well at all... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...and they would perhaps be completely evicted from the property. And that wouldn't be in their interests even in the least. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah. Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm not, I'm not asking you to do this, but I-I think it would be a, uh, wise thing to do. 
'''Shoemaker''': I-I-I can see, I can see your point and I'll certainly talk with Mr. Bell, about... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': ...about whether he would rather see Christian in such a situation. Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': It, it, i-i-it wouldn't be permanent, it would only have to be temporary, just until the trial is, uh, done with and we could perhaps fund a, cleanup, while they were in there, they wouldn't have to end up back for that... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': So, perhaps we could do that. 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Anyway, I do have to be going off, but if you could call this week with Christian, and I'll try to have somebody, uh, or possibly myself calling back in about, uh...two hours. Okay? 
'''Shoemaker''': About...how many hours? 
'''Doctor Perron''': About, uh, two hours. 
'''Shoemaker''': About two hours... from now? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes, uh, are you going to be there? *laugh* -to be up? 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, yeah, yeah. I'll be up until eleven, so yes. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry 'bout that. Um... all right, I've got to be getting off, but thank you very much for speaking. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Okay, thank you. Goodbye. 
''(Skype hangup sound)'' 
'''Doctor Perron''': Goddamn. *[[sigh]]s* I was not expecting ANY of that. (''typing'') 

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?s1o5yaa51ga7lpc Download link]
*[http://db.tt/ZBuaCy32 Mirror of audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNMN1mmZAno YouTube upload]
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Mailbag 27

2012-08-05T06:25:52Z

Phones: Turns out Chris did enjoy hanky-panky after all, eh?

'''Mailbag 27''' was uploaded by [[CWCipedia]]'s Sysop the 30 [[December 2009]] and it was answered by [[Chris]] the same day.

Perhaps the most striking element of this mailbag is Chris's shockingly in-depth response to "Bailey Jay", a male-to-female trap. The effort he puts into his response goes way beyond that shown in any of his responses to his True and Honest [[fans]], leaving many [[trolls]] to speculate if Chris is actually attracted to her.

The rest of the responses are mostly just Chris being the nutcase we've come to expect. He gives some awful advice on things he has no experience with, such as [[love]], parenting, and moving out. He also takes a few moments to babble ignorant nonsense about genetics and [[Homos|gay people]]. In one letter, he claims that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] are gay, but it's currently unclear if he actually believes this or if it's just a retarded attempt at "slandering" them. Also, Chris seems to have lost his grasp on the [[Chris and English|English language]], as many of the responses make no sense whatsoever. Chris also got a message from Jack Harkness from ''Torchwood''.

This mailbag is also one of the few where Chris did not [[Rejected Mailbag|reject]] any letters.

==Answered==
===Love and loss===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|Edward Kennedy]] <itsamekennedy@aol.com>

Chris,

I was dating this really sweet girl named [[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo]] for about a month and [[God]] appeared to me in a dream on several non-consecutive occasions and told me that we were destined to be together and that we were soul mates. Well, a couple weeks ago there was a car accident where she drove off a bridge and drowned in the river below. I feel terrible enough already, but with God appearing to me in dreams all those times it really shakes my faith. Is God toying with me, or what?

I hope you can help me make sense of this!

Edward}}
{{EmailReply|Probably, or you may have misinterpreted your dreams; Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but [[Chris and death|you should move on]] and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the [[PandaHalo|same thing]] a [[Ivy|few times]] in the past too. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)}}

===We're lucky Chris will never have children because he would be a terrible father===
{{Email|From: hurdygurdy@doglover.com
Recently you told me that "it is for the children's benefit" that [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] watch [[Family Guy]] with the kids. How is it for the children's benefit that confusing adult concepts such as pedophilia have been explained to them? As they are under 5, how can they possibly understand?

Why can't you just let them be children and watch the programming designed for them? I know Family Guy is your favourite show but that doesn't mean everyone should watch it. Seeing as most of the humour is based on parodies of pop culture they have missed I doubt they would even get any of the jokes.}}
{{EmailReply|Children are most likely to channel-surf and turn on an adult program at any time; it is up to the parents to prevent those misunderstandings with caring discussions and supervision.}}

===A family history of failure===
{{Email|From: Seka Akatuka <akatsukaseka@live.com>
Hi Chris!

My interest is in genealogy, and I was very interested to hear that you were descended from [[Anne Boleyn]]. I've personally traced my own ancestry back to a family of 15th century innkeepers in Kyoto who served fancy tea and were charming.

My research over the past months and days has shown the following:

Anne Boleyn only had one daughter, Queen Elizabeth I, who was called "the Virgin Queen." Needless to say, she did not have any children you could have descended from.

Also, your ancestor Daniel Weston was not listed on any passenger lists for the Mayflower. Your parents were probably sadly mistaken about this.

I did find this interesting bit about your great-grandfather:

"10. Robert Pettis WYNN was born on 17 Nov 1877 in Mecklenburg County, Virginia. (1) He died in Jan 1952 in South Hill, VA. Family members say Robert P. Wynn was an only Child. Nellie Coleman describes Robert Pettis WYNN as a scoundral. According to her, he drank heavily and had girlfriend (Lonnie Harris) during the time he was married. Family stories say he failed to provide even the most basic support for his wife and children. And there are others who say he was a "moonshiner.""

Source: [http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141]

His daughter, Carrie Edna Wynn, was your grandmother, who gave birth to your mother.

Isn't genealogy fascinating?

- Seka}}
{{EmailReply|It was no mistake; Daniel Weston is my ancestor, and I am well aware that he was NOT a passenger on the Mayflower; he made his voyage later on. And I will hand it to you, you have successfully identified my grandmother (mother's mother), I applaud you for that. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Chris is a breast man===
{{Email|From: [[Vivian|Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>
Okay dog, picture this. You're stuck on an island with a mermaid girl.

You have a choice: Girl top half (breasts with bottom fish) or girl bottom half (vagina with top fish).

You can only pick one or the other.}}
{{EmailReply|Girl top half.}}

===Chris dispenses more advice he'll never follow===
{{Email|From: hentairoolz@gmail.com
Dear Chris,

I am a high functioning [[autistic]] who still lives with his parents, and I have failed to get a job in the last few years after graduating from community college (I am completely unable to make it past the interview stage). I have caught my parents discussing putting me in a group home, which is something I do not want at all. Have your parents ever discussed putting you in a home, and do you have any suggestions for how I should deal with this state of affairs?

Thanks,

Kermit Jacobs}}
{{EmailReply|My parents care about me too much, and they have never discussed such a topic, I assure you confidently. You are an Adult; you SHOULD move out, get a job and find a place to live; rent an apartment or house room or something good like that.}}

===More fun with theology===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:John Calvin|John Calvin]] <johncalvin@jesusisok.ch>
Chris,

I noticed you had a problem being tempted by seeing gay things, so I looked in my Bible and found this:

"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." -- Matthew 5:29

It's from the Christian part of the Bible, not the Jew part. This sounds like a pretty good solution. I mean, if seeing gay stuff bothers you so much you can just poke out your eyes and you won't have to look at them anymore! This is a much better solution than creating some kind of antidote for homosexuality, which would never work in real life.

Think about it!

Yours in the Lord,

John Calvin}}
{{EmailReply|My church has previously acknowledged that verse, and they are against it.}}

===The report card saga continues===
{{Email|From: Bob Bobson <totallyfine1@gmail.com>
"I am not ignoring it; I am doing what I can against the Trolls."

Exactly what is "what you can"?

Simply going onto [[Twitter]] and claiming "I AM TRUE AND HONEST" isn't going to work. Remember, the trolls have convinced a large number of people that greatly outnumbers your fanbase that you are a pathological liar/gay/unpatriotic douchebag. They will not accept your word(even if you think it is true and honest), you need to provide proof.

Do you know why so many people are convinced that you're an idiot lying about [[honor roll]]? Many reasons, but one of the main ones is that you can't control [[CWCipedia|your own website]]. Trolls are everywhere, in the Twitter Feed, in the Mailbag, and they've even taken over 99% of the ads.

Let me put it into a comic-related comparison. Let's say that this website is the [[CWCville]] Mall. You only control the actual Mayoral Offices, while the trolls run all the stores and make up the majority of the patrons while constantly ignoring any decree you set forth and overpowering any crackdown you attempt.

If you post your report cards, it will hurt the trolls. Don't you want them to hurt, Chris? I mean, you do keep telling them to die and all. It'll make it look like you're actually doing something useful. If this gets out of hand they'll probably plant ads that spread viruses at some point in the future and you will be liable for all damages.

Only you can stop this.}}
{{EmailReply|I have told those trolls that they are the scum of the earth, and that they give their kind of people, specifically Clyde and Jack giving their Homosexual Male kind a worse name, in videos on YouTube and such. Plus I am very aware of their hackery and trickery, and I do my best to counter them appropriately.}}

===Vaccines don't work that way===
{{Email|From: Qebafhzn <qebafhzn@gmail.com>
Chris, I'll try to be as gentle as I can be with this:
Why do you believe that Homosexuality can be cured with a simple vaccine? As far as I know, vaccines do not work that way, and homosexuality is not a simple Mendelian gene, but rather a complex mental way of sexuality. 
I just want to know your input on this.

-Take care, Qebafhzn}}
{{EmailReply|I believe a vaccine is most capable to change their mental status; my prescription has Definitely lowered my stress levels. I should know, I recently went ONE MONTH without it, and the stress LITERALLY ALMOST KILLED ME; it HURT WORSE in comparison to being on it; I went back on it, and I still take it with appreciation for it's good work on keeping me more capable on emotionally coping with stress.}}

===A repeat===
{{Email|From: Jennifer Hartworth <jayharttart@yahoo.com>
Why haven't you just bought a prostitute yet?

~ Jenny}}
{{EmailReply|I have just answered that same question in the last mailbag; the next-to-last letter.}}

===Lesbians are okay, but NEVER gays===
{{Email|From: Jonathon Harkness <j.harkness@torchwood.gov.uk>
Hi Chris,

I love reading your questions, I feel like I've learned a lot about the author of my favorite comic. But I'm confused by some of your answers!

1. You said that as a [[Methodist]], you can't condemn the homos, and you are ok with them as long as they don't bother you. But in replies after that you keep talking about reprogramming camps and cures for gayness. Don't you think that's contradictory?

2. You said you don't care what the homos do behind closed doors. Does that mean you would be mad if two men kissed in public? Would you be mad if a man kissed a woman in public? If not, why is it different?

3. I'm a STRAIGHT man, but I like looking at lesbians. Is this a sin?

4. How do you feel about gay people in the military? Do you think they can be as good of soldiers as straight people?

5. Have you ever considered having Sonichu join the Marines? He's so strong, he could probably teach the Marines something about fighting! HOO-RAH!

Keep being a hero for straight people everywhere, Chris! Zap to the extreme!

Cpt. Jack Harkness, USMC}}
{{EmailReply|1) Well I do have homosexual males who bother me; two of which being Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddius, and those two are not doing their kind any favors; on the contrary, they are WORSENING the gays' bad name in my point of view. 2) Yes, I would be most offened; I would not be mad, in fact it is a welcoming view to see man kissing woman; Two Dudes Kissing is JUST GROSS AND WRONG, and Man and Woman kissing is Just Natural and Right. 3) No, it is okay. 4) As individual males, they have equivalent capabilities if they can prove it on the field of battle. 5) Sonichu would never join the Army or Marines. My mother would never marry someone who was in the military, because she would miss him too much, and she does not want that. Likewise, Rosechu would never want Sonichu to join the Military, and if drafted, I can personally have him undrafted, or Rosechu would beat the crap out of the officers until they release him.}}

===Balljizm===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Randal Graves|Randal Graves]] <randalg37d@yahoo.com>
Hey Chris,

As a longtime fan of your comic, I have to say I'm a bit put off by how you're belittling people with [[Asperger's Syndrome]]. As I understand it from your mailbag and your manifesto about the subject (and correct me if I'm wrong) pretty much the *only* reason you say autism is nothing like Asperger's is because you can make fun of the name. And in a recent mailbag to prove a point, you made fun of the name of a fan who wrote in trying to understand you better.

Well, just so you know, plenty of people refer to autism as "bawwwtism," making fun of how those afflicted tend to cry more often. And I've even heard it referred to as "balljizm," something gay men crave.

I say this not to insult, but to make a point. It's just as easy to make fun of people with autism and the name of the condition as it is to make fun of people with Asperger's. Just because the name can be made fun of, doesn't mean it's not a legitimate affliction. Next time you're quick to judge, keep that in your thoughts.

Regards, 
Randal}}
{{EmailReply|On the contrary, the MAIN REASON I say Autism is NOTHING like Aspergers is because the Aspergers is TRYING to take the LimeLight AWAY from us TRUE Autistic People, who we have had to endure the trials and efforts to cure Our Own Ailment, or at least give Autisim the Best Good Name it can be. I will not stand by and let Aspergers take our efforts and trials and make them seem worthless in the Public Eyes.

It has NOTHING TO DO with name references, and I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR Insulting My People like you did. >:( --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Chris finally understands asexuality, but not genetics===
{{Email|From: Alex May <alex.may@gmail.com>
In your comic you created a vaccine against homosexuality using your blood. Vaccines work by making people immune to a disease by injecting them with a weakened version of the disease. If a vaccine against homosexuality was made using your blood, that would mean you have the "disease" of homosexuality, which the scientists extracted from your blood. Was this a subtle hint to let particularly studious readers know of your true nature, or simply ignorance on your part? Please get back to me!

Peace, and stay safe}}
{{EmailReply|You Are Seriously Mistaken, and Your Theory IS PROVEN FALSE. To truly KILL the Gay Gene, the weakened Gene had to be made, but THEN the gene would need to be Replaced; otherwise, the injected person would become Asexual. The Straight Gene is put in the Vaccine to Replace the Gay Gene AFTER elimination to PREVENT Asexuality. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Reunion anxiety===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:David Vanian|David Vanian]] <blackemperor918@hotmail.com>
Hey Chris,

First, I want to say that I really enjoy your comic and I wish you the best with it.

My first high school reunion is coming up in 2010 and I am a bit nervous. I am wondering, did you go to your five-year reunion? Also, are you planning to go to your ten-year high school reunion this coming summer?

So, what would you recommend that I do to be relaxed when seeing people that I haven't seen in years? I am especially eager for your advice on how to approach attractive female former classmates. I too am looking for a boyfriend free girl and I wouldn't want to make them feel uncomfortable.

Best, 
Dave}}
{{EmailReply|There's a Five-Year Reunion? No, As I have learned from my Seinor Prom, they Projected, and I Quote, "See you at the Reunion in Ten Years." So, I have not missed the beat, and I am looking forward to my Reunion in 2010, Next Year. Just remain calm, and be yourself, granted there may be a difference in the number of years, but Be Yourself just the same.}}

===Basic writing skills===
{{Email|From: Carmine Smith <carminesmith22@ymail.com>
Hello, Mr. Chandler, my name is Charlene. I've been reading your Sonichu comic, and I must ask, how come there is no interpersonal conflict between the protagonists? They all get together and date one another with any issues. There never seem to be any arguments amongst the couples, depsite the fact that arguing is a major part of having a relationship. Why did Sonichu and Rosechu decide to date so quickly? She never bothered to ask Sonichu about his personality or attributes nor did he ask her, they hooked up simply because they were the same species.Why can't the relationships in Sonichu be more realistic? Perhaps an argument, a romantic affair, a breakup, or even a divorce to make the comic more applicable to real life. Please take my ideas into perspective.

Sincerely,
Charlene Devereaux}}
{{EmailReply|They have had their arguments, but they always come to an agreement, or they remember what attracted them to each other in the first place, so It Is All Good in each Relationship.}}

===Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?===
{{Email|From "[[Wikipedia:Bailey-Jay Granger|Bailey Jay]]" <baileyjay@gmail.com>

Hey Chris.... :(

You really hurt my feelings with your [[Mailbag 25#It's a trap!|reply]]. I know, it's kind of shocking at first, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. All my life I've felt like I should have been a girl, and that I've been trapped inside a boy's body; I don't want any part of myself to be masculine in any way. In a sense, I have always been a woman mentally and emotionally my entire life, and I have had the courage to show this in my outward appearance as well. There are a lot of transgendered people out there who have died or have been caused great emotional or physical harm just because of how they feel inside...

I'm not gay; I'm straight, as I am a woman who has feelings for other straight men. I hope that doesn't make you think that I am disgusting or vile, because it's just who I am.

Anyways, I shared those pictures with you because I like you, Chris, and I think you're a very handsome and kind person. I thought maybe you wouldn't be intimidated like all the other boys who are afraid to approach me, because you know what it's like to be e-famous.

If you want, here's a couple more pictures that I took on recent photoshoots. Don't worry, this time I made sure they're safe-for-work.

bayimg.com/image/majhpaace.jpg
bayimg.com/image/najhaaace.jpg
bayimg.com/image/majhlaace.jpg

Thank you for understanding,

your fan

Bailey Jay ~x0x00x0x00x0x00x0x00xx~}}
{{EmailReply|I apologize for my recent response, and I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons.

As for being e-famous, it IS stressful to me; updating the content daily or near-daily without going out-of-date, trying to tell the Honest Truth when there are people who will continue to Mislabel, ridicule, slander or worse, just to make your good fans turn against you in their views. I am Straight; I just wish they would get it through their god-damned thick skulls and quit Mislabeling me. But all in all, I deal it one day at a time and one moment at a time, with time away from it all and deep breaths.

And to answer your other question in your last message, It is likely, but I do not know, because if that is true, they are certainly NOT telling me for my information. I mean, I am a good and kind person naturally (granted that I can be cruel when angry or when feeling down); I wish that women WOULD approach me if they KNOW me from online and see me in public.

If I may ask, and you may answer in a reply directly to my e-mail address at ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, is modeling the only thing you are famous for online, or are there other things you have done and published? And have you ever considered having the male appendage removed (please forgive me if I'm crossing a line)?

And, to answer another question, if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man.

Anyway, I am sure you will find your mate who will accept you fully and truly, and I most certainly wish you [[God and Jesus]]' blessings and Good Luck in that.

Peace be with you,
--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 03:17, 31 December 2009 (CET)}}

{{Mailbag}}

CADD

2012-03-07T01:40:27Z

Phones:

[[Image:0714-PVCCCaddDeg2.jpg|Chris's Associate in Applied Science with CADD emphasis. "The Associate in Applied Science degree is awarded to students who are permitted to relax some of the general education requirements in order to study more course work in their program area. This kind of degree is for students who intend to enter the work force upon graduation."|thumb]]
[[Image:0713-PVCCCaddDeg1.jpg|Chris's CADD certificate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]|thumb]]

'''CADD''' stands for "Computer-Aided Drafting and Design". It's usually a 2-year course (though it took Chris more like 6 years to complete it, including the year in which he was expelled from college) that teaches you how to use MS Paint. Even though it took Chris a long time to obtain this "degree," of the years spent pursuing it, he has only produced two pieces of work. While one might assume they were two big projects over a long amount of time, the two pieces of work he produced were a map of his mall and an incredibly large 3D Mayor's Office about the size of a football field with nothing much inside it. Chris claims that he received an A+ for these projects which took him "weeks to months" to complete.<ref>[[Mumble 5]]</ref>

Chris has two certificates in CADD. Looking at his current art, he'd probably have been better off spending his tuition fees on [[Lego]] blocks. The Associate's Degree in CADD is no longer offered by [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]].<ref>http://www2.dailyprogress.com/cdp/news/local/local_govtpolitics/article/pvcc_drops_programs_amid_state_budget_crisis1/34137/</ref>

Chris states in his [[Father Call|call to Kacey's father]] that he entered into the CADD program without knowing what kind of jobs such a certificate could get him. Throughout his years at [[PVCC]], and in the five years since graduating, he still hasn't bothered to figure it out. If [[Bob]] were still among us and [[Barbara]] still cared about anything, they'd be kicking themselves for wasting money on his tuition.

==Usage in the comics==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|left|'''Computer'''-Aided, not Pen-Aided.]]
Chris's CADD degrees apparently come into use within his [[comic]]s. He even alludes to them assisting him at many points in his comic; for example, [[:Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|Sonichu & Rosechu's benefit house]]. However, the few basic measuring skills he may have picked up from his CADD courses are made even more pitiful by the fact that he never uses a ruler nor are his drawings to scale, defeating the purpose of even learning CADD courses in the first place. Then again, it shouldn't require a fucking college course to be able to make basic measurements or draw things relatively proportionate to each other.

A villain by the name of [[CADD Chef]] appears in the comics, mocking Chris's designs for his mall. The CADD Chef is based on Chris's real life CADD teacher, who most likely gave Chris a bad grade on his real life mall designs. This "injustice" guaranteed CADD Chef a place in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] as one of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s minions.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloorOne.pdf Plans, Floor 1]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloor2.pdf Plans, Floor 2]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/MayorsOfficeModel1.pdf Plans, Mayor's Office]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?we0oddnzwnk Original Project Files]
* [http://educhoices.org/articles/Computer_Aided_Drafting_and_Design_Degree_Review_-_Bachelor_Degree_Info.html Information about the degree, including possible jobs]

[[Category:Education]]

Dreams

2012-03-02T22:46:56Z

Phones: /* The acid factory dream */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|right|The letter to Blanca, a classic example of Chris's prophetic powers in action.]]
Nowadays, it is widely accepted that '''dreams''' can provide valuable insight into the mind of the dreamer. While they represent, at best, a warped reflection of what goes on in the unconscious mind, dreams are nevertheless made up of more than just random, meaningless images.

[[Chris]] adheres to a simpler, primitive belief in the significance of dreams. It's part and parcel of his religious mysticism — he believes many of his dreams are messages from God, as if he were a modern day [[wikipedia:Book Of Daniel|Daniel.]] Dreams, in Chris's mind, can provide accurate portents of the future, and much of his strange behavior may be connected to his attempts to make these dreams into reality.

==Significant dreams==

Chris has often claimed that his dreams represent communications from the divine. On [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]], when asked about his purpose in life, he explained it like so: "To eventually be married to my Sweetheart, then give birth and raise my daughter, as God has pointed it out for me in my dream." Likewise, when [[PandaHalo]] asked him why he wanted a daughter so badly, he said, "it was fortold to me in multiple dreams."

During the [[Father Call]], when Matthew Devoria pointed out that his belief in prophetic dreams was both highly unlikely and potentially blasphemous, Chris was willing to back off from some of the weirder implications of his philosophy. "I am not saying that I am a prophet," he admitted. However, he continued to cling to the belief that his dreams represent the future. "I'm not saying that it is the definite future," he explained, "but that it is a POSSIBLE future."

It could be that Chris believes that [[Chris and Religion|God]] gives him these "visions of the future" in order to comfort him with the knowledge that he will, in fact, triumph in the face of adversity and [[autism]]. Chris himself has, on several occasions, shown that he fears suspense and uncertainty and it wouldn't be a great leap of reason to assume that he thinks [[Chris and his Ego|God is personally tossing him spoilers for his own life]] in much the same way as Chris slathers them onto [[Sonichu]].

When a letter in [[Mailbag 55]] called Chris out on his insane belief, his response was to ask "What is YOUR Dream Career?", suggesting that he has misinterpreted various dream-related expressions such as "the woman of my dreams" or "my dream job". While the expressions actually mean "It would be dreamlike to have a job like that or a wife like her", Chris may take it to mean "God literally showed this job/woman to me in a dream".

Chris has discussed several of his more important or influential dreams in many of his comics, chats, and videos. There may be a great many more that he's never felt like sharing with the outside world, so this section is by no means comprehensive, but it should at least provide a basic overview of the sort of prophecies Chris believes that he receives.

===The Crystal dream===
{{quote|I have my dreams that God gave to me, and I have to see my Crystal Weston Chandler be Born.|Chris, [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]}}

By far the most significant of Chris's dreams is this one, where he saw himself married to an unspecified woman and raising a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. This represents the genesis of his [[Love Quest]], or at any rate his favorite excuse. When he's not willing to admit that what he really wants is [[china|pussy]], Chris claims that his search for a sweetheart is intended to fulfill God's will and produce his prophesied daughter.

{{quote|You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be Crystal.|Chris, during the [[Father Call]].}}

Chris, always one to share too much personal information during conversations with strangers, sometimes brings up the Crystal dream while introducing himself to people. In one of his [[Facebook_messages#Christy_Backe|Facebook conversations]], he sent a new contact the following question: "Do you know any 18-25-year old single women who might like me? I would appreciate any help I can get in finding the one who would be my Sweetheart, and help me realize my dream of me fathering a pretty daughter named Crystal Weston Chandler."

For some time, the many trolls following Chris operated according to the belief that the dream took place when he was around 21 years old, right around the formal beginning of the Love Quest. During the [[Father Call]], however, Chris very clearly stated that he had the dream when he was in elementary school, between seven and nine years of age. In that description of the dream, he also noted that he "had, like, an office job" in his future life, an embellishment that smacks of Chris attempting to impress [[Kacey]]'s father.

This statement, however, predates the Father Call. In an [[Katie_Bay_E-mails_3#7.2F28.2F09|email sent to Katie Bay]] near the end of July 2009, Chris used this dream as an excuse to not get a job. Specifically, he expressed annoyance that he does not know what kind of job he has in the dream, only that he is working in an office building, his daughter is present, and shortly after the dream begins the building starts to collapse and he needs to run away with Crystal.

Chris's dreams about his future daughter are at least partially responsible for his refusal to date black women. In [[Mailbag 35]], he explained, "I never saw a black woman being my wife in any of my dreams of me and my white baby daughter."

===The Blanca dream===
During the late summer and early fall of [[2008]], Chris wildly ping-ponged back and forth between a number of potential [[trolls|sweethearts]], including [[PandaHalo]], [[Sarah Jackson]], and [[Blanca Weiss]]. On September 29, however, he finally settled on Blanca, having supposedly experienced a dream where he met her in the lobby of a [[Charlottesville]] hotel.

Chris describes the dream in some detail in his [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Chris_dreams_of_Blanca|e-mails to Blanca]], as well as the [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|letter]] he sent to her along with his medallions.

{{quote|I FINALLY HAD my Dream that I have been waiting for for soo long; the dream revealing the name of my Sweetheart-to-be. the scenario was simply, after talking to her over the internet, I went to the local Hotel to meet her, and her name came up Often, and was Burned into my Memory and my Heart...SHE is YOU. :) YOU, Blanca Weiss, ARE MY SWEETHEART-TO-BE!|Chris, falling for it on a number of levels.}}

He also mentioned the dream on his [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|blog]], claiming that "[[God and Jesus]] have revealed to me the name of my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be." Three weeks later, the object of Chris's divinely-inspired love dumped him (after dumping his beloved [[medallions]] in [[pickle]] brine).

===The PandaHalo dream===
Although breaking up with Blanca temporarily sent Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|crashing into slumber]], he recovered from the trauma quickly enough with the aid of his dear friend PandaHalo. By mid-November, he was having wet dreams about her and sharing the details in their communications, which Panda promptly passed on to her fellow trolls on [[IRC (26 November 2008)|IRC]]:

{{quote|During my most recent dream, You were in it. You were alone in your apartment; I had just run in to see you. We talked for a bit, but then you and I, we made out, then got naked and lost our virgin ways to each other. It got soo goodly hot and wild, that I came in my sleep over you.|Chris, traumatizing a chatroom full of trolls.}}

If this particular dream also happened to be a prophecy, GodJesus must have gotten his wires crossed. Chris never met Panda in person, and had more or less gotten over her long before she allegedly died early in 2009.

===The Ivy dream===
In [[Episode 19]], Chris recounted a vision where two-thirds of the Holy Trinity told him, in the most explicit possible terms, that [[Ivy]] was destined to be his one true love, that his enemies would be defeated, and that his [[biological clock]] would soon be conveniently reset. None of these prophecies came true. Chris may still believe that Ivy was absolutely not a troll, but this did not stop him from crafting a gruesome death for her in the pages of his comic.

===The Watery Maze Dream===
[[File:ThirdLabyrinth.gif|thumb|right|Animated for your non-pleasure. (Note: The original animation showed Chris's crude portraits of himself and the mystery woman as nude, but he added clothes so he could re-upload it to the G-rated Flipnote website).]]
Another one of Chris's wet dreams, in the literal sense this time, involves a vision of encountering his promised sweetheart in a "watery maze." Chris mentioned this recurring dream in his [[Quizzes#Christian Weston Chandler Quiz|quiz about himself]], although he didn't offer very many additional details.

[[Liquid Chris]] took advantage of this bit of information to mock his rival in one of his [[For Chris|videos]], declaring that he and his girlfriend [[Kacey]] "are going to swim through a watery maze and make passionate love to each other and [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|it's going to be awesome]]."

Chris eventually immortalized this dream in a [[An Ol' Classic Dream|terrifying animation]], showing us a little more of what it's about. The details were unsurprising: in a maze full of water, Chris meets an unspecified woman and has sex with her. The end.

Chris was especially eager to keep this animation on [[Flipnote Hatena]], having uploaded it a grand total of ''six times'', despite its assorted violations of the website's policies. Though the site's moderators deleted it a number of times, he doggedly kept re-uploading it. Judging by the monologue after the dream ("If only I knew who you are in reality...") Chris believes that the [[Lovely Weather|"LOVELY WOMAN"]] is a real boyfriend-free girl somewhere, perhaps one who suffers from a recurring nightmare in which she is raped by an obese manchild. By putting his sex fantasy where everyone could see it, Chris may have been attempting to contact the non-existent woman.

===Sticky Dream===
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology; for example, in [[Ivy Q&A#Threats|Ivy Q&A]] it's mentioned that Chris told Ivy that he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"

==Minor dreams==
===The Sonic on Game Boy dream===
In the [[Song of Christian]], Chris claims to have experienced a dream involving a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game for Nintendo's Game Boy handheld. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], it took place in June 1997. This, he says, is what inspired the "Sonic Dumps Sega, Joins Nintendo" cover story on his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], as well as the many half-assed knockoff Sonic game concepts inside of it. He also wrote a letter to the real ''Nintendo Power'' describing the dream.

This is one dream of Chris's that actually came true, after a fashion. While Nintendo never made a Sonic game for the original Game Boy, ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Advance|Sonic Advance]]'' hit the Game Boy Advance at the tail end of 2001. It was one of the very first Sonic games for a non-Sega hardware platform, seeing release around the same time as ''Sonic Adventure 2: Battle'' for Nintendo's GameCube. In typical Chris fashion, he announced that he "pretty much foretold that outcome" in a [[The Sonichu Chronicles|PowerPoint presentation]].

===The Pamela dream===
During his chats with (someone he believed to be) [[Vanessa Hudgens]], Chris cited a dream that taught him a useful moral lesson. Supposedly, during the long months of the [[Megan Saga]], Chris had a dream where he "had to choose" between his True and Honest love for [[Megan Schroeder]] and his temporary lust for [[Chris and television|TV star Pamela Anderson]]. "I stuck by my [[Chris and religion|morals]] and went for Megan," Chris explained. "And because the same is being applied between you and [[Ivy]], I am going to remain strong and true and stay with Ivy."

Given that he never got any from Megan, of course, in retrospect the sensible choice would have been to go for Pamela, a la Borat. Here's to the path not taken.

===The Patti-chan dream===
Some time after the death of his beloved dog [[Patti-Chan|Patti]], Chris had a dream (or multiple dreams) reassuring him that Patti was all right and living comfortably in the presence of God. Chris discussed this in his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|Plea to Clyde Cash]] from [[January 2009]], hoping that Clyde would follow his example, "get over" the death of [[Ryan Cash]], and stop cruelly tormenting him. For some reason, Clyde chose to ignore Chris's advice.

===The acid factory dream===

In [[Mailbag 39]], responding to a question that attempted to reason with him about his hatred of [[Asperchu]], Chris dove off along a tangent and described a particularly picturesque nightmare that mixes his hatred of [[tobacky]], his now non-hatred of [[alcohol]], and his [[Chris and race|racism]].

{{quote|I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, [[Chris and Race#Jews|going through BURNING OVENS]], coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.|Your guess is as good as ours.}}
[[Image:Wily's Castle.jpg|thumb|A skull-shaped building, where have we seen that?]]

Chris has a habit of bringing up traumatic experiences from his past on the least provocation, usually as a way of fishing for sympathy. For instance, during the [[Father Call]], he went on the defensive by suddenly changing the subject to the incident where he was allegedly abused at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]].

===Dreaming of death===
Chris has apparently dreamed on multiple occasions of the instant that precedes death. In his [[ChrisChanSonichu_and_WikiSysop_correspondence#Size_does_not_matter._.28CCS.29|conversations]] with the Sysop of [[CWCipedia]], while complaining about various objectionable advertisements on "his" site, he delivered the following bizarre non sequitur:

{{quote|Seeing the BIG Ad in the One Spot is as terrifying as the Flash Of Light at the Instant Millisecond of DEATH, or even, technologically, the [[Wikipedia:Blue Screen Of Death|Blue Screen Of Death]]. And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am [[Chris and English|LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET]].|This statement offered without comment.}}

Exactly why Chris chose to draw a connection between the moment of a human being's physical death and the moment of a Windows PC crashing is uncertain. This might be because the error alert that comes up after a critical system error in PCs is colloquially known as the "Blue Screen of Death" (BSoD), which literal-minded Chris would associate with a real near death experience.

===High school dreams===
During his [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], Chris mentioned recurring dreams about his days at [[Manchester High School]]. Given that his high school years were the last time Chris had anything like real friends or a fulfilling social life, it's no surprise that he often revisits them in his dreams. He describes the dreams in a very wistful, nostalgic tone: "I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends... there."

Chris also added that Megan Schroeder sometimes appears in his dreams of high school, even though he didn't meet her until well after he graduated and returned home to [[Ruckersville]]. Clearly, his unconscious mind is cobbling together an amalgam of all his fondest memories.

==Typifying Chris's dreams==
Just like those of real people, Chris's dreams can be split into some distinct categories which can tell us more about his motivations, his fears, and his state of mind at the time he dreamt them. It should be noted that the dreams Chris has seen fit to discuss are no doubt the ones which have affected him emotionally and which he thus considers worthy of discussion. It is highly likely that on most nights he simply dreams his Aspie dreams about day-to-day events, just like we all do. Considering what Chris's life is like, these are probably not worth consideration by anyone.

===Wish-fulfillment Dreams===
Freud stated that all dreams were a kind of wish-fulfillment. While this has been discussed ad nauseam and expanded upon by many psychologists in the years since, this represents a good jumping-off point for studying some of Chris's dreams. As one example — Chris's dog died, and he wanted to know that she was happy, so he dreamt that she was in heaven. This is simple enough (though it does raise questions about Chris's ability to work through his grief). Also part of this are dreams when he is back at high school, in dumbass classes where he wasn't affected by the cruelties of real life, surrounded by [[gal-pals]] and still svelte enough to fit into his Ash Ketchum costume. The anachronistic appearance of Megan in these dreams serves to confirm that they represent mental wish-fulfillment on his part. Chris wants to go back to high school, and his mind allows him to do so.

===Aspirational dreams===
Chris's dream about Crystal, and those he attributes to the influence of God, represent a far less common and somewhat more problematic type of dream — ones which seem to create aspirations in the dreamer. These dreams are extremely rare, in many cases happening only a handful of times in an entire lifetime (according to Jung). Chris's dream about Crystal, considering it happened at such an early age, likely coincided with a major period of psychological growth in his life (what little we know about Chris's life at this time may support this notion), which would have inflated an otherwise small thought in his mind to a highly emotional aspiration. To have remembered this dream for so long suggests a feeling of bliss or enormous happiness at the time of dreaming, which he now associates with the content of the dream. Crystal therefore represents less an actual wish for a daughter (Chris doesn't know shit about raising children, and is too lazy and self-centered to do it well) and more a desire to return to the state of happiness he felt in his sleep, likely at a moment of extreme personal catharsis within his waking life.

===Nightmares===
Given Chris's total lack of imagination, his nightmares seem shockingly vivid. The particulars of what they represent are a job for a psychologist of a level above that of a [[Rocky Shoemaker|church counselor]] (although the acid factory dream is simple enough to understand - Chris hates [[alcohol]] and [[tobacky]]), but their apparent muffled severity offers us some hope that within the stagnating mass of lard and stupidity that is Chris, there is a voice of reason struggling to escape like a drowning man screaming madly for the surface. If Chris ever discovers the core of the turmoil indicated by his nightmares and what they represent, it would very likely destroy his perspective on the world and he may finally continue on the path towards psychological maturity.

==See also==
*[[Chris and psychology]]
*[[Chris and religion]]

[[Category:Chris]]

File:Wily's Castle.jpg

2012-03-02T22:45:53Z

Phones:

Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 2

2012-02-20T01:06:25Z

Phones: /* July 19 */

The '''Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 2''' are a series of [[July 2009]] correspondences between [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Chris]], under the guise of Jack's daughter Samantha.

After the [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails]] and [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]], Jack's daughter Samantha allowed Chris to break into her e-mail account to pretend to be her in order to get his [[PSN]] accounts back from Jack Thaddeus. All this led to the culmination of this [[IRC (23 July 2009)|IRC Chat]]. Samantha pretended to be a third party known as [[Kate]] who was BFFs with Samantha while Jack arranged for a [[Liquid Chris|man at Otakon]] to make a lot of money off [[Sonichu]] merchandise. Is this confusing enough?

==July 18==

{{EmailReply|Subject: Hey, man

LOL, I'm da man! Got my stuff back, clean as a thistle. :)

Listen, Bro, I can dig [[Chris|Chrissy]] hasslin' u for his accounts back. I have da plan on how to REALLY mess with him. Give me back a couples of his account; that way he can't get them ALL from you.:D And besides that, he ain't hasslin' me as much now that he has YOU, da Bigger Man of This Era with dat Heavy [[Power]]. Besides, I am fondin' over his Creatures Classic I noticed he had; I'm a sucker for those space monkies. And I'll nix his French with my alt. address. :D LULZ LULZ LULZ

Take care, Sweet King.

Sam}}

==July 19==

{{Email|Oh hi, sorry it took me awhile to reply.

Why the fuck is my daughter talking like a god damn [[Niggos|Super Spaded Jungle Bunny Spook]]? Have you been doing [[Tobacky|drugs]] again? I told [[Clyde]] not to introduce you to [[Wikipedia:jenkem|jenkem]]! Where was the man I loved in him? Thank God he's dead.

Have you been hanging around with Maurice, Jamal & those other [[Niggos|Niggers]]? I kept telling you they are never going to make it big in the Bad Boy Entertainment. It still disgusts me I caught you in bed with ALL OF THEM. To imagine your the same girl I adopted those years back.

I will not give you the password info until you sober up.

I don't want you to do that shit again!

Love
 -Father}}

{{EmailReply|I'm sorry, daddy. I was tired after a long day. No, I have been staying FAR AWAY from those boys; I hate them for what [[Rape|they did to me]].

I'm cool now. I heard Chris could not seal the deal; I can't believe he could not even do that to save his own life, much less his PSN accounts. He is pathetic.

So, where do we go from here on this [[Trollin Train|Trollin' Train]], daddy?

Love ya,

Sam}}

{{Email|We already talked about this already, did you forget?

Well the new plan is to use Chris' own words against him from his recent video, "[[Rollin' and Trollin'|Rolling & Trolling]]". I'm going to use the exact quote "I'm a man who works 40 hours a week" & send it to the welfare people where he gets his [[Monthly Tugboat|Social security money]] from, canceling it making him forfeit his welfare money.

The only way this plan can get ruined is that Chris makes a video admitting his [[autism]] & taking back every lie he has said.

I gotta find the passwords in my documents, give me about 2 hours. reply back what you think of this plan.

Love
 Daddy}}

{{EmailReply|Sounds good. :) Thanks, daddy.

Love
 Sam}}

{{Email|This is the password to the japanese one

ChrisLikesGiantBlackCocks}}

{{Email|are you there?}}

{{Email|Did the password work?}}

{{EmailReply|The password isn't working for me; it's soo long, plus I could be inputing the wrong e-mail.

Sam}}

{{Email|[[Katie Bay|Kate]] probably changed it so she could download stuff.

Can you tell me how your day went? I haven't seen you in awhile. Also Do you know if Chris will make a video taking back his own claim of being a troll? Either way I'm working with the Welfare staff right now. If chris makes [[CWC Trollin More|the video claiming autism]] my plans are RUINED.}}

{{Email|Oh btw I was at otakon, I had [[Liquid Chris|my friend dress up as Chris]] & we made fake sonichu [[medallions]], sonichu cookies, and a replica of [[cwcville]]. We made tons of money. Daddy is going to get you something nice? What would you want?}}

{{EmailReply|LOL. I want a LOT of things, you know. I am in the mood for a statue of Satan to remind me NOT to sleep with dumbasses.

I don't know Chrissy's Plan, he's so [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], yet I would be flustered with him wising up and putting someting together, and then
some.

Sam}}

{{Email|I'm thinking of changing the conditions of how he gets his psn back. Losing his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] within a week was too much for him. I'm thinking u should tell him if he wants his account back + 50 credit for each account he is to announce he has his autism and his Trolling claim was a lie. Or something else. Idk. What do you think?}}

{{EmailReply|IDK, sounds kinda trite, plus I've just checked his YT; you'd better go look.

Sam}}

{{Email|The [[CWC Trollin More|video]] was dubbed, he plans to bull shit out of it. I plan to change the demand to, I want him to [[CWC "Boyfriend"|sing/dance to Avril Lavign - Girlfriend]]

<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ25-glGRzI</nowiki>

This is all I ask.}}

{{EmailReply|LOL, I love that. Go for it, daddy.

Sam}}

{{Email|you can send that message will you, sweetie?}}

{{EmailReply|Okay. :D
I'll send him the message in a bit.

Sam}}

==July 20==

{{Email|He saw through my clever roose to trick him and take his tugboat!}}

{{EmailReply|We should send Chrissy ONE of your medallions, a few cookies, photos
of the booth and al the proffiting fun via snail-mail, and we can
include a LULZ letter saying something like, ¨Thank you for being at
Otakon this year.¨ I would die to see the shocked expression on his
face upon seeing the stuff and reading the letter. :D

Sam}}

{{Email|Thats the kind of idea a [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264|NAIVE Retarded Bastard]] would think up.}}

{{Email|are you up? did he respond to your email?}}

{{EmailReply|Hey, daddy. I have not yet heard from Chris.

And what's wrong with the idea; I really want to hear him moanin' and
groanin' in sorrow over the profits and all that; you don't even have
to include the return address. Or at least send him the pictures and
exagerate on the profits. But THINK about it, if he had Our stuff
within his Physical Touch, he would not help but squirm and faint. :D

I gtg get some groceries and hang out with Kate. I'll check in later.

Love ys,
 Sam}}

{{Email|No I will not do shit. You just give him the order to do his [[It's UGH!|music video]] that you emailed him, if He does not do shit, he will not recieve his psn. That is final. Stop acting like a Chris Chan.}}

Chris took his sweet time creating the music video, finally uploading it on July 24.
{{EmailReply|Well, no need to get all Commando about it.

Anyway, I have an update on Chrissy; he's just sent out a message on
[[YouTube]] requesting the MP4 of Girlfriend - Sonic and Amy. It's
sunding promising. :)

Sam.}}

{{Email|ok i'll reply to him in a bit.}}

==July 21==

{{Email|<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYsrdv_P8y4</nowiki>

[[Liquid Chris|This man]] was at otakon, He made some MAD CASH! He made an opening confession and all. Tell me what you think?}}

This message likely prompted Chris to make his first [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|video]] raging against Liquid Chris.

{{Email|The demands have increased for his delay he is to [[Chris humps his PS3|hump his ps3 console]], foward that to him. I sent the message in advance.}}

==July 22==

{{EmailReply|Woah. As IF Chris would EVER humpe one of his consoles. Besieswhich,
I have heard that he had downloaded the file you sent him.He's so
retarded, that he needs LOOONG TIME to generate a GOOD Idea.He told me
tat he was working on it ayway, so just give him a few moredays.
Besides, you gave him A Week for te Virgin-Breaker challenge;if you
want to show that you would hold your end of the deal, youcan't be
that uncool to him. If I hear anything else, I will let youknow.

Love ya, Daddy,
 Sam}}

{{Email|Tough shit he is doing it. I'm not playing games, & why are you trying to defend Chris. He is the person that lead up to [[Clyde]]'s death. God damn y ou}}

{{EmailReply|I am not defending that pathetic pussy; I loathe him just as much as
you and the next Troll.

I am only helping you so he will be most likely be able to believe you
would hold up your end of the deal, and have him keep on doing our
bidding. If you constantly pile on More Threats, he will lose faith
in you and move on. The retard has done it before, you know. If you
want to continue this game while we have the cards, I would not pile
on the damn threats. After watching his 25 second video earlier, he
is holding up his end of the deal well.

Just because we are having more and more pathetic days ourselves in our individual damn lives, it doesn't give us the right to be soo unfair that it would create a Striking Pawn against us.

It is up to you on long we get to continue to play this damn trolling game; don't mess it up.

Love ya,
 Sam}}

{{Email|This does not make any sense what so ever. I will not budge out of this one second.

oh I wanna quote something.

"Just because we are having more and more pathetic days ourselves in our individual damn lives"

So you're calling me pathetic? Who do you think pays for your fucking drugs. I'm married and had a brat (you).
You forget who is in charge here. I can easily replace you from this operation.

&

So what if he loses faith in the deal that he can easily follow. I can just simply call PSN RIGHT NOW on ALL ACCOUNTS including a network ban and get him console banned for LIFE. I don't care if I am console banned at the process cause I am rich like that & got an extra ps3 console for this occasion.

-JThadeus}}

{{Email|The meeting will take place in [[irc]] at rizon server at this channel

head here, just be sure to tell us its you. #trolltrain4andhalf}}

{{Email|heh we're having our big trolling meet tonight you up for it?}}

{{Email|everyone had irl issues. We will plan this tomorrow 10:00 pm virginia time. BE THERE}}

The IRC chat took place on July 23, and can be found [[IRC (23 July 2009)|here]].

{{Emails}}
[[Category: Jack Thaddeus E-mails]]

Sonichu 1

2012-02-11T18:50:36Z

Phones: /* Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart" */

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = issueone.jpg
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of [[Sonic]]'s shadow... which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy [[Ivo Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a [[Chris and Anger|mad]] [[Honor Roll|geinus]]! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in [[honor roll]], dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his [[Navy|comeuppance]].

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Comic==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 1
|<gallery perrow="5">
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==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

==External links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?dp5197wvzc7icla Download this episode as a .zip file]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2012-02-11T18:44:19Z

Phones: Stop outright insulting, etc

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = issue4.jpg
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] [[Love Quest]] and other happenings of his life. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September 2005. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes<ref>[[Mailbag 3#In which Chris forgets why Barb objects to him immortalizing his failures in comics|Mailbag 3]]: "I stopped drawing those because I made a promise to my mother that I would, but I forget why she was offended by them."</ref>; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of indeterminate liquid. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 4
|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
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Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery>}}</center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

2000s

2012-02-11T16:10:23Z

Phones:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0828-EP12-5P7-1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in the new milennium.]]
[[File:Cwchrono graph.png|thumb|CWC's activity in [[2008]], [[2009]] and [[2010]].]]
[[Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''2001'''.]]
[[Image:0315-KellieAndesY2K.jpg|thumb|In '''2001''', Chris lost touch with [[Kellie Andes]].]]
[[Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|thumb|Chris, turning 20 in '''2002'''.]]
[[Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|thumb|Cake Chris made for his mother's 60th birthday in '''2001'''. It features Sonichu...]]
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|[[Love Quest]] items from '''2003''' and '''2004'''.]]

The shit finally hit the fan in '''the 2000s'''. [[Chris]] came of age sexually, began his [[Love Quest]], invented [[Sonichu]], stalked lots of women, got thrown out of malls, and became a popular LOLcow on the internet.

==2000==
The year '''2000''' is the year that Chris turned 18 years old. He graduated from [[high school]], and started attending [[PVCC]]. The year 2000 is iconic for the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|Sonichu fanbase]], as it was the year that [[Christian]] thought up [[Sonichu]] whilst making a mix CD. Chris, however, didn't start making [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]] until [[2004]].
===Events of 2000===
''See [[2000]]''

==2001==
The year '''2001''' is the year that Chris turned 19 years old. Another thing worth mentioning is that beginning from age 19 onwards, Chris has been rapidly gaining weight as photos taken from this year show Chris's growing double chin, as well as the first noticeable appearance of his man boobs.
===Events of 2001===
''See [[2001]]''

==2002==
The year '''2002''' is the year that Chris turned 20 years old. What Christian did in this year is mostly a mystery, but it might include playing the vidya.
===Events of 2002===
''See [[2002]]''

==2003==

===Events of 2003===
''See [[2003]]''

==2004==
The year '''2004''' shows the appearance of the first ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'', Christian's digital news bulletin. Christian spreading this bulletin through [[PVCC]], started his mythical feud with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the dean of PVCC, eventually resulting in him getting expelled from college. At the end of this year, Christian started drawing ''[[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]''.

===Events of 2004===
''See [[2004]]''

==2005==
[[File:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and Meg-chan in '''2005''']]
The year '''2005''' was, in retrospective, Christian's most productive year, resulting in him drawing 4 issues of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Because of getting expelled from [[PVCC]], Chris had a lot of free time on his hands, leading in him putting a lot more effort in his [[love quest]]. June and July are characterized by a series of fights between Christian and the local authorities, resulting in a trial, and, according to Chris, severe traumatic scarring. In 2005, Christian also gained two of his most renown friends, [[Anna McLerran]] and [[Megan Schroeder]]. The first, a Mormon [[Wikipedia:Pacific Sunwear|Pac-Sun]] employee, Chris met whilst [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer|pacing the mall]] on his [[love quest]]. The second, an insecure female otaku he met playing ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' at his local [[Game Place|game store]].

===Events of 2005===
''See: [[2005]]''

==2006==
The year '''2006''' shows several important developments within Christian's behavior that are now seen as typical. Firstly, Christian starts to get more and more clingy towards [[Megan]]. Via [[e-mail]], she repeatedly tells him off, but to no avail. Secondly, he starts engaging to large extent in the conspicuous consumption that would eventually get him into large debts. For the first time, Chris start buying porno-items, [[My Little Pony]]s, and other seemingly childish and useless objects from sites like eBay and AdamandEve.com. Although Christian is unemployed, he still has a small social-life. He mostly goes out to engage in card game-related activities. In [[2006]], Barbara apparently asks Chris to stop drawing the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' sub-episodes. Therefore, after [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], no more sub-episodes come out.

===Events of 2006===
''See [[2006]]''

==2007==
The second half of the year '''2007''' show some important developments within Christian's life. Firstly, Chris enters and unfairly loses the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], leaving him disillusioned and enraged. Secondly, he discovers a satirical [[ED]] page written about him. These two injustices lead Chris into a bitter, long and frustrated rage, eventually giving spark to certain deep, complex and mysterious aspects of madness within his person, that, when revealed, would prove to be a decisive factor leading to the obsessive [[trolls|trolling]] of Christian's person in 2008.

===Events of 2007===
''See [[2007]]''

==2008==
The year '''2008''' is the year that Chris turned 26 years old. [[2008]] showed the completion of two phases that would, because of a strange coincidence, put Chris in the unique and unreal situation that he would be in the first months of [[2009]]. The first was a phase of alienation, in which Chris's illogical behavior frightened away his only friend, [[Megan]], and got him thrown out of both his church and his local game store, leaving him desperate and lonely. The second was a phase of trolling in which a semi-organized group of obsessed, amused and anonymous individuals, via a vast understanding of the new media, started to take the places of Chris's acquaintances, either by posing as online-girlfriends, or members of an online-fanbase. This second phase was rough and bumpy, but eventually created the parameters of Chris's life in 2009.

===Events of 2008===
''See [[2008]]''

==2009==
Throughout '''2009''', Chris's life was unreal and semi-controlled, facilitated by the apparent lack of know-how and interest in his life from his parents. The first, unsmooth wave of [[trolls|trolling]] from [[2008]] was replaced by a [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|more organized]], [[Krapple|more obsessive]] and more complex second wave, leading to far-reaching insight into Chris's life, and [[sex tape|things]] we can never unsee.
===Events of 2009===
''See [[2009]]''
==Sources==
<references/>
{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)

2012-02-11T15:46:31Z

Phones: /* Chris Chan in the PokéNews */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}

[[Image:DVDReleaseCut.jpg|thumb|Chris-chan: Because making a homemade DVD about yourself justifies your existence.]]

'''''Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)''''' is [[Chris's]] homemade DVD, featuring various video clips Chris had made before his Internet fame, and also his actual, if meager, TV appearances. Despite its title, very little of the material on the DVD was ever featured on TV.

Chris originally sent copies of the DVD only to a select few people, but nevertheless thought him making the DVD was an [[Chris and his Ego|important enough achievement]] to mention repeatedly in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] and elsewhere. He also believed that people would actually be interested of buying a copy along with other merchandise, and even planned a [[Sony|Blu-ray]] release.<ref>[[3 December 2009]]</ref> Suffice to say, the disc was actually burned with a Magnavox DVD recorder out of material that appears to have been transferred off of VHS tapes, and doesn't actually approach commercial quality, even if it actually had any interesting content that people would actually pay for. Chris possibly thinks that lack of content and video quality that was abysmal to begin with will mysteriously look better when burned on [[Sonichu 10|hi-def]] discs.

Naturally, since this relic was so profoundly ''important'' in Chris's mind, it piqued the curiosity of the trolls, and a copy was eventually obtained by [[LordSillynipples]] by posing as Chris's childhood friend and first crush, [[Tiffany Robinson]].

==Tracklisting==

===''C.W.C. On TV'' Trailer===
To reduce marketing costs, Chris put the trailer for the DVD directly into the DVD. The trailer provides a summary of the rest of the features, in case you don't want to melt your brain by actually watching the whole DVD.

===[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|C.W.C. Super Sonic Winner!!!]]===
From 26 February [[1990s#1994|1994]], shortly after Christian's 12th birthday. Local news coverage of him winning a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' contest and earning a $1,000 shopping spree for video games. To date the pinnacle of Christian's entire existence, this event fueled the delusional manchild he is today.

===[[Song of Christian]]===
Filmed on 15 May [[1990s#1998|1998]], when Christian was sixteen. Presented as an episode of ''The Christian Chandler Show'', Christian gives a dramatic reading of a poem he wrote about himself. He then spends twenty minutes explaining the meaning of each line, about fifteen minutes of which is dedicated to him leafing through his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].

===[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' LEGO Raceway Prototype]] Animation===

===[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' LEGO Raceway]] Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera===
Filmed on 4 June [[1990s#1998|1998]].

Hey, do you like ''Mario Kart''? Do you like LEGO Blocks? Do you like stop-motion animation? More importantly, do you like hearing the same fifteen-second clip of music played over and over and over while you watch grainy black-and-white 8-bit footage of LEGO men getting into car wrecks? Then this is the clip for you!

'''SPOILER:''' LEGO Christian wins the race. [[Chris and his Ego|No surprises there.]]

===[[The City of Cwicville Tour!|Unfinished CWCville Tour]]===
Filmed 12 July [[2000s#2001|2001]].

===[[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|OH BOY!]]
Filmed 16 October [[1990s#1999|1999]]. The local news media does a fluff piece on the rise of the ''Pokémon'' fandom, and Chris happens to be among the small children playing the game. Chris being 17 at the time, years older than the playing crowd, is not discussed. This clip provides the DVD cover with its money line:

{{quote|I'll send out my Dragonair, even though it has 60 Damage on it. Oh boy! It has 3 Energy on it... Slam Attack!}}

===Christian Chandler's [[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]===
Filmed 22 November [[2000s#2003|2003]]. An hour-long video of Christian playing ''Animal Crossing''. If the video is any indication, ''Animal Crossing'' is about as exciting to watch as organizing files in Microsoft Windows.

===[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special|C.W.C.'s ''Animal Crossing''/''Mario Paint'' 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]===
Created in honor of [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] Chandler's anniversary, on 7 June [[2004]].

===[[So Need a Cute Girl|"So Need A Cute Girl" Music Video]]===
Filmed 20 [[2004#December|December 2004]]. Music video for the lead single off [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian's debut album]].

===Chris Chan's [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|''Harvey Birdman'' Commercial]]===
Filmed 24 February [[2005]]. Christian enters a contest where the goal is to deliver a creative advertisement for a ''Harvey Birdman'' DVD. He instead blathers on about himself, ''Sonichu'', and Mary Lee Walsh. The time constraints laid out in the contest rules are obvious, as Christian struggles to cram his [[random-access humor]] into a thirty-second soundbite so that he sounds like the Micro Machines man.

===Chris Chan's [[Pixelated PS3]]===
Filmed on 28 November [[2006]]. Christian enters another contest requiring him to shill a product in under a minute, this time a PlayStation 3. To answer the question "What would you do for a PS3?", Chris first explains everything he would like to do but won't (e.g., save up the money and go to a store), and would but can't (forsake a cure for autism), before revealing that he has constructed a PS3 from LEGO blocks and [[Pixelblocks]].

===C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics===
Still images taken from [[1980s#1982|1982]]-[[2007]] with interspersed commentary that gives new insight into Chris's past. The accompanying audio is from Chris's "Station [[KCWC]]" mix tapes and his Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album.

===[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]===
Filmed 24 February [[2007]]. In celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris delivers an address summarizing the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "ladies and gentlemen and dudes of all teenages."

==Great Director's Cut==
As a way to save face after the DVD was leaked onto the Internet, Chris claimed<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009]]</ref> that the trolls didn't have the "Director's Cut", which includes footage of Chris's [[Christmas]] from [[2004]] and takes from the [[Pixelated PS3]] commercial.

Some argue that Chris might be bluffing, but even if the content does exist, it seems likely that it was an afterthought made after Chris got trolled so that only he would own the TRUE and HONEST copy. And even if trolls were able to obtain the Director's Cut, Chris could pull a George Lucas and say he has a Special Edition DVD. And if that gets stolen, he'll pull a Disney and say he has a "Diamond Edition" DVD.

He later told [[Regina]] that he has a "Master Copy" with over ''six hours'' of tedious crap.<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>

==Possible Sequel==
In an email to [[Cole]], Chris expresses his intention to create a new DVD "around (his) 50th or sooner"<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>.

==Images from the Physical DVD==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:062-CWCsDVD.jpg|Cover.
Image:DVDReleaseCut.jpg|The cover of the release edition.
Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|And the Director's Cut Edition.
Image:063-1-CWCsDVD Label.jpg|Even DVD labels cannot be spared from the horror.
Image:ChrisDVDCD2.jpg|We asked for a "disc image". The torrent went up later, but this was delivered as a cop-out.
Image:CHRISDVD.jpg|Parental Advisory - VERY HONEST content.
Image:ChrisDVD3.jpg|Chapter menu, complete with Magnavox DVD/VCR styling.
Image:CHRISletter.jpg|Letter to troll who received DVD.
Image:Chrislist1.jpg|''Chandler's List'' - It's like ''Schindler's List'', except you'd want to be sent to a gas chamber.
Image:Chrislist2.jpg|'''Spoiler:''' Most of these people went to school with Chris and probably have no idea who he is.
Image:Chrislist3.jpg|And here's the last page.
Image:Chrispaper1.jpg|"Now I'm even more perverted, sexist, and homophobic."
Image:Chrispaper2.jpg|People who Chris couldn't find pictures of to include - consider yourselves lucky.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?injjxctj5wi Torrent (with working trackers)]
* [http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=6581777D1899DCB6 Entire DVD on YouTube.]
* [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/dvd/ Contents of DVD slideshow.]
* [http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EL8AHJ8P Slideshow download.]

{{CWC on TV}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

Chloe Rosechu

2012-02-10T02:43:03Z

Phones:

[[Image:ChloeRosechuHeadshot.jpg|thumb|170px|Oh boy. Another goddamn Rosechu]]

''This page is about the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. For Chris's fictional girlfriend, see [[Chloe]].''

{{quote|Chloe is of a generic high-school girl personality|Chris, using his [[Women's Rights|sexism]] in an attempt to justify yet another piece of godawful writing. [[Mailbag 7]]}}

'''[[Chloe]] Rosechu''' is yet another bland and unappealing [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], brought in to provide a girlfriend for a bland and unappealing [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. Even Chris admits (see above) that she's got no personality. Chloe was originally created by [[PandaHalo]] as part of an attempt by [[trolls]] to get Chris to include more troll characters in the comic, somewhat in the vein of [[Evan]]'s character [[Simonchu]] before them.

[[Image:ChloeRosechu.png|thumb|100px|left|Sonic recoloring isn't that hard, Chris, [[Chris and art|you have no excuse]].]]

[[Chris]] of course jumped at the opportunity to include them, drawing them into [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] as part of his continual war against creativity. She and her counterpart [[Blazebob Sonichu]] were probably intended to have a bigger role in the comic, but the abrupt ending of the PandaHalo saga when Chris convinced himself that she died in the Australian bushfires put an end to that idea. Instead, the two characters only appeared in a four page tribute to their master when her own comic avatar burned to death in a fire during the Battle of [[CWCville]].<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_74</ref><ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_76</ref>

During the fire which ultimately killed PandaHalo in the comic, she threw two Pokéballs out the window of the burning building, not wanting them to "burn with [her]".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_74</ref> These Pokéballs turned out to contain Chloe and Blazebob, despite Chris previously asserting that [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] had to be caught in [[S-Chu Balls]]. During her single appearance, Chloe's only action was to mourn Panda's death, before being told to move on by Blazebob and being shouted at by some dickweed fireman for not helping [[Sonichu]] and his forces to fight the [[Jerkops]], because apparently in CWCville, being a Sonichu means that you are obligated to fight in Chris's battles for him.

She is yet to reappear since.

According to Chris in [[Mailbag 34]], Chloe and Blazebob live in Poké Balls because they come from [[Wikipedia:Australia|Australia]]. Why this would make a difference, no one is quite sure, but apparently, it does.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[BlazeBob Sonichu]]
*[[PandaHalo]]
*[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Rosechus]]

For Chris II

2012-02-09T20:13:00Z

Phones: It is a possibility

'''For Chris II''' (officially '''10272009 For Chris No 2''') is a 27 [[October 2009]] video in which [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] makes vague, ineffectual threats against [[Liquid Chris]], suggesting that Liquid should leave [[Kacey]] alone, even though Kacey is Liquid's girlfriend. Rather than going into full-blown [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] as usual, IBA threatens to go into full-blown tard rage, which may include shouting, punching himself, and doing a substandard job of breaking flimsy objects in his room. Ian also plays some heavy metal in the background, which he believes is very terrifying, but the juxtaposition of heavy metal and the sight of an obese, balding manchild wearing an oddly-colored shirt and a medallion depicting an imaginary character has the opposite effect.

IBA has been wearing the same blue-green striped polo shirt with the red long-sleeve shirt underneath since his [[10252009 For Kacey|second video]] declaring his love for Kacey on October 25. Chances are he's showing off this [[Chris and fashion|new outfit]] for her, which has not been seen in any videos until recently. Given his propensity to [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|sweat profusely]] and avoid [[April_16_Fetish_Vids#How_NOT_to_take_a_Shower|showering]], he most likely smells like a rotting animal by now. In this video he appears particularly [[Stress|haggard and disheveled]], his hair sticks up at odd angles, and his receding hairline is becoming increasingly visible and obvious.

Interestingly enough, the song in the background is "Mr. Scary" by Dokken, which wasn't featured in any of the past [[Guitar Hero]] games so there is a small chance that he isn't ''completely'' spoon-fed [[Chris and music|musical preferences]]. Either that or Chris googled "Scary Metal Songs" and this was the first result.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = For Chris II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lA-1D9xlYdo}}
| stardate = 27 [[October 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]]
| next = [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|Clyde‘s Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]]
}}
{{quote|You don't want to make me very angry and, believe me, I'm on the VERGE of such.}}

=== Transcript ===
''[Starts a song before speaking. Glares at the camera]''

Well. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Mr. Chris]]. We talk again. I tell you what, I've heard you've been bothering Kacey. I tell ya, ''[Crosses arms]'' not cool, dude. Not cool. It's one thing to break your promise to her, but when you go pestering her like you've been doing lately, ''[points]'' yeah, you cross the line. ''[points again]'' So, you best STOP what you're doing! Because, believe me, you [[Chris and anger|don't want to make me very angry]] and, believe me, I'm on the VERGE of such. ''[Holds up [[Claw of Fail]].]''

So, there. You just back off. Just back off, man. ''[Claw motion. Sighs]''

''[Stands awkwardly for quite awhile]''

Back off. Back away from Kacey. Leave her alone. Besides, she's told you about how she feels about me. Let her go, dude. Leave her alone.

''[switches sides]''

I'll leave you with that, for now.

''[Peace sign]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]]|nextlink=[[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-27]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-10-27]]

Chris Destroys His Vibrator

2012-02-09T20:03:17Z

Phones:

"'''Chris Destroys His Vibrator'''" (officially "'''ECV 00050'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] explains why he had to make [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|the two videos]] suggesting that he was [[gay]], in order to satisfy an agreement with [[Clyde Cash]]. He then attempts to honor another agreement with Clyde by destroying his [[vibrator]]. Or rather, he ''tries'' to destroy his vibrator, [[fail]]s, and simply takes it apart in a manner that would allow him to easily reassemble it. Many experts believe that ten seconds after filming this clip, Chris was already hastily putting his dildo back together, his anus hungering for its sweet, sweaty, [[Navy|salty]], [[Anal beads|poo-covered]], rancid delights.

Chris apparently doesn't seem to understand that if he were actually straight, he would've disposed of the dildo the moment he got it instead of storing it in his room.

It is implied in this video that Christian could not issue this retraction until "one man" emailed him to say he recognized the "super secret" clues in the previous videos. Apparently, if no one had solved the mystery Chris would have been forced to live as a homo forever.

==Description==
{{quotebox|I am Striaght ''[sic]'', and it took a Forced Lie in the previous video to make that Perfectly Clear. }}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Destroys His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UiJCri7IhwA}}
| stardate = 06 [[February 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| saga = {{Julie|text}}, {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet#Take_2|Chris Comes Out of the Closet, Take 2]]
| next = [[CWC Update 8 February 2009#Video|CWC Update 8 February 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I was lying out of my ass!|Chris, who is [[lie|definitely not a homo]].}}

=== Transcript ===

[''smacks [[camera]]'']

Hello.

Y'all may—some of you may have seen the, uh, video, which—of which I recently ''up''…lo—''loaded''… sayin’ that I was, uh… of the wrong… [[Homo|orientation]]. But any—but I w—I wanted to let y'all know that… I on—I did that… to save the life… of a trusted [[Julie|gal-pal]]. And she is eternally grateful from—to me for it. So, th—so, yes, as you can tell from my… non-verbal ''clues'', I was lying out of my ass! But I did it to save a l—to save ''her'' life, 'cause… [[Clyde Cash]]… would've harmed her, but I have gotten ''his word'' that, uh, he would not lay a finger on her.

And also, I had to make another… slight promise—uh… another promise, after making that—after ''that'': that I, uh, get rid of some… of my… unnecessary possessions. I wanted to let—I wanted to, uh, let him know, anyway, that I've already started. [''reaches off-camera for something'']

I destroyed… [''drops it, picks it up, puts it back in his hand''] ''this''. [''presents a disassembled [[vibrator]]'']

[''jump cut to Chris (apparently pre-disassembly) trying to snap the vibrator in half with his bare hands'']

[''jump cut to Chris really straining to break the vibrator'']

[''jump cut to Chris simply pulling the vibrator's two halves apart as they're designed to come apart'']

[''jump cut to Chris pulling the motor out of its half'']

[''jump cut to Chris holding the two halves in one hand'']

Dun-dun-''dunnn''! [''holds the pieces out like the [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Card_Crusher Card Crusher] before throwing them down'']

The—''that'' deed is done. I am ''straight''. ''I am straight.''

And it only—and it took me the, uh, one time… where I actually had to say the word… that I hated so much… for the first time in my life, ever. And then, later, it took… one man to, uh, send me an e-mail, lettin' me know that he ''realized'' the non-verbal clues… leading to—like, I was being forced to do that, and I had to lie out my ass.

Y'all can, uh, view the previously uploaded video… in its originality… [''sniffles''] and unaltered spec—in an unaltered—unaltered sense in my current Yah—[[YouTube]] account. But… I think I have proven myself well enough. [[Mass Debating|I was holding onto my ''manhood'']]—my straightness—by having [[Optimus Prime]] in my lap… [''reaches off-camera for poster and holds it up''] and my [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] behind me… that I look at every night to help keep me straight. [''puts poster away'']

I was ''born'' straight, and I will never be changed that way.

Thank you.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan vs. Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_Uga4JA354o}}
| stardate = 8 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RosechusPickle '''RosechusPickle''']
| subject = | type = Remix
| info = A battle of epic proportions.
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler: Test your might!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ydcRfctzkjI }}
| stardate = 12 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/MajorIronwood '''MajorIronwood''']
| subject =
| type = Remix
| info = FINISH HIM!
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Repairs His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5jP3QhwqM8o}}
| stardate = 17 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 '''tehcosmicexplorer08''']
| subject =
| type = Aftermath
| info = The truth can finally be revealed.
}}
==See also==

*[[Sign Destruction Video]]
*[[Sex toys]]
*[[Homos]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries|2009-02-06]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Julie saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-02-06]]

IRC (23 July 2009)

2012-02-09T18:37:10Z

Phones: Unnecessary "lol"

On 23 [[July 2009]], Chris made his first '''IRC''' appearance in months.
__TOC__
==Background==
[[Image:BillRiley.jpg|thumb|Riley. Bill Riley.]] Entering what he believed to be a secret "[[troll]]" chat, Chris adopted the troll alias of '''SonichuClone''', a.k.a. '''Bill Riley''' (though he forgot that his hostname still said he was '''ChrisChanSonichu'''). When pressured for a picture, Chris provided one that was, at the time, on the first page of a Google image search for "man". The [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails]] reveal that Jack had instructed Chris to join the Chat, as part of a larger plot to make Chris [[Chris humps his PS3|hump his favorite console]].

Notably disturbing are two instances where SonichuClone tries to persuade the trolls that compelling Chris to rape his pastoral counselor [[Rocky]] would be the perfect way to troll him. While there's a 0.001% possibility that Chris was particularly clever and tried to set a trap for the trolls by having trolls plan to rape Rocky, then notify the authorities, it is still 99.999% likely that Chris wanted to lose his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] with Rocky and wanted the trolls to give him a good excuse to come onto her.

As always, Chris [[fails]].

==Transcript==
[[Image:IRC (23 July 2009).jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Chris 'incognito.']]
 Start of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer: Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009
 Now talking in #trolltrain4andhalf
 Topic is 'I'M BORED OF WAITING ON SAM STILL LIKE
 SERIOUSLY�'
 Set by '''vivitheg'''!~starroadg@adorable.bunny on Wed Jul 22
 22:29:56
 '''Ganondorf''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 '''Ganondorf''' sets mode: +o '''Ganondorf'''
 '''Ganondorf''' sets mode: +o '''vivitheg'''
 Looking up '''vivitheg''' user info...
 Looking up '''Ganondorf''' user info...
 '''Luna''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 '''Luna''' is now known as '''Guest6138'''
 '''Guest6138''' is now known as '''Pudding'''
 '''Pudding is now known as '''Lila'''
 '''GeckoMantis''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 '''Lila''' is now known as '''Sabrina'''
 '''Sabrina''' is now known as '''Serena'''
 <'''Ganondorf'''> I WANT THE FUCKING TRIFORCE
 '''Serena''' is now known as '''Stella'''
 '''Stella''' is now known as '''Ruby'''
 <'''Ruby'''> lets PARTY
 '''champthom''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 '''champthom''' is now known as '''NumberTwo'''
 '''Awesome_Sauce''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''NumberTwo'''> BROTHERS!!!!!!
 '''Awesome_Sauce''' is now known as '''NickDunbar'''
 Retrieving #trolltrain4andhalf modes...
 <'''NumberTwo'''> fffffffffffffffffffff
 '''vivitheg''' changes topic to 'i'm sleepy�'
 Looking up '''GeckoMantis''' user info...
 Looking up '''vivitheg''' user info...
 <'''NumberTwo'''> Twenty, twenty five minutes to go, I wanna be sedated.
 <'''NumberTwo'''> Nothing to do, no way to go home, I wanna be sedated.
 '''vivitheg''' changes topic to 'DEATH TO AMERICA�'
 <'''NumberTwo'''> ALLAH ACKBAR!
 <'''NumberTwo'''> ALLAH ACKBAR!
 <'''NumberTwo'''> ALLAH ACKBAR!
 '''Sonichu''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 '''Sonichu''' has left #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''NumberTwo'''> GREETINGS, CHRISTIAN...
 <'''vivitheg'''> What was that?
 '''SonichuClone''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 Looking up '''SonichuClone''' user info...
 <'''Ruby'''> Herro
 <'''vivitheg'''> Who are you?
===Bill Riley===
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Hey, My name is Bill.
 <'''Ruby'''> Bill WHO
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Bill Riley
 <'''vivitheg'''> Bill o reilly?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> No, Bill Riley
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''NumberTwo'''> Fair enough...
 <'''Ruby'''> where r u from?
 <'''vivitheg'''> Who invited you?
 <'''Ruby'''> asl?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I live in Maryland.
 <'''vivitheg'''> This is invitation only
 <'''NumberTwo'''> INVITATION ONLY!
 <'''Ruby'''> A/S/L?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Yeah, I am a close buddy of Jack Thatius.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Thadius
 <'''Ruby'''> shut up guys he might be hot
 <'''vivitheg'''> of course, hot guys always welcome
 <'''vivitheg'''> lol
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''SonichuClone'''> You bet I am, ladies. :)
 <'''vivitheg'''> You got a picture?
 <'''Ruby'''> Mmm how big?
 <'''vivitheg'''> PICTURE!
 <'''vivitheg'''> I WANT A PICTURE!
 <'''Ruby'''> pics or gtfo
 <'''Ruby'''> Whats ur cock size, Partner?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Okay, hang on. I gotta look it up on this computer.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> about 5 Inches, give or take.
 <'''Ganondorf'''> WHERE IS THE TRIFORCE OF COURAGE
 <'''Ruby'''> Eh
 <'''vivitheg'''> shut up ganon
 <'''NumberTwo'''> WE WANT INFORMATION
 <'''Ruby'''> Ball size?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I don't play that game.
 <'''Ruby'''> How big is the sack?
 <'''vivitheg'''> SHUT UP
 <'''vivitheg'''> YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID
 <'''vivitheg'''> I JUST WANT A PICTURE OF NEW GUY
 <'''SonichuClone'''> 2 inches in diamater.
 <'''vivitheg'''> hot
 <'''SonichuClone'''> let me find my pic.
 <'''Ruby'''> thats a small sack, bucko
 <'''vivitheg'''> so small is good
 <'''vivitheg'''> well imo
 <'''SonichuClone'''> small sack, LOTS OF CUM
 <'''Ruby'''> hmmm
 <'''vivitheg'''> well, we're going to be holding a meeting in 15 minutes
 <'''Ruby'''> know how to use it?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Yeah, I am here for that.
 <'''vivitheg'''> okay
 <'''vivitheg'''> well just stick around
 <'''vivitheg'''> BUT FIRST I WANT A PICTURE!
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I'm down with it; I've been hating that Chris Chan for MONTHS.
 <'''Ruby'''> ME TOO
 <'''vivitheg'''> eh
 <'''Ruby'''> I'm here cos Chris Chan's cock is too small
 <'''Ruby'''> I h8t small cocks
 <'''vivitheg'''> lol
 <'''Ruby'''> So, I troll him.
 <'''vivitheg'''> of course you do sweetie
 <'''vivitheg'''> ANYWAY, PICTURE WOO
 <'''Ruby'''> ;)
 <'''Ruby'''> we can share this new cowboy vivi
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I hear that.
 <'''vivitheg'''> of course '''Ruby'''
 <'''Ruby'''> Double dip, twist!
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I found my pic, but I forgot how I share it; do I upload it on the IRC, or do I share a link?
 <'''Ruby'''> tinypic.com
 <'''vivitheg'''> upload it to like imageshack
 <'''Ruby'''> upload there
 <'''vivitheg'''> or tinypic wherever
 <'''SonichuClone'''> cool.
 <'''vivitheg'''> SQUEE
 <'''vivitheg'''> I CAN'T WAIT
 '''GeckoMantis''' is now known as '''TheRealCapnCrunch'''
 <'''Ruby'''> mmmmm
 '''JackThadeus''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''vivitheg'''> WHAT UP JACK
 <'''JackThadeus'''> welcome gentle trolls
 <'''Ruby'''> Cowboy, can you double dip me and Viv?
 <'''NumberTwo'''> WELCOME, BROTHER JACK.
 <'''Ruby'''> I'm so wet right now
 '''vivitheg''' sets mode: +o '''JackThadeus'''
 <'''Ruby'''> I'm masterbating with my playstation controller
 <'''SonichuClone'''> http://tinypic.com/r/2nvup01/3
 <'''Ruby'''> i have it set on vibrate..........
 <'''SonichuClone'''> LOL! :)
 <'''vivitheg'''> snap! you're a bit old
 <'''vivitheg'''> but I BET YOU GOT EXPERIENCE
 <'''vivitheg'''> DONTCHA!?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I only LOOK Old; I'm actually 30
 <'''Ruby'''> mmmm
 <'''vivitheg'''> shit, you should do something about that
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I get that a lot. ;)
 <'''Ruby'''> looks like a soap opera star
 <'''Ruby'''> I can dig it
 <'''JackThadeus'''> You guys seen Boku No Pico?
 <'''vivitheg'''> oh jack you
 <'''Ruby'''> lolol
 <'''JackThadeus'''> awesome boy porn
 <'''Ruby'''> mmmmm shota
 <'''Ruby'''> fap fap
 <'''JackThadeus'''> want me to link pics guys?
 <'''vivitheg'''> delicious
 <'''Ruby'''> plz
 <'''JackThadeus'''> meh mayber later after we get bizness done
 <'''vivitheg'''> ANYWAY, where's your stupid ass daughter jack
 <'''TheRealCapnCrunch'''> hey guys hows it going i just got back the meeting start yet
 <'''vivitheg'''> SHUT UP CAPNCRUNCH YOU FUCKING MORON I HATE YOU
 <'''NickDunbar'''> ...Goddamnit Capn
 <'''Ruby'''> Wheres cowboy?
 <'''Ruby'''> Bill, hello
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Ok people
 <'''vivitheg'''> WHERE'S YOUR STUPID DAUGHTER OR IS SHE OUT OF THIS JACK
 <'''Ruby'''> damn Jack is it buisness time already? I was about to get fucked by Bill.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Do you know the real reason for chris to follow the demands?
 <'''vivitheg'''> duhhhhhhhh
 <'''vivitheg'''> fuck microsoft, shit.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> She was suppose to be here
 <'''JackThadeus'''> i left her an email and everything.
 <'''Ruby'''> ikr where the fuck is she
 <'''vivitheg'''> WHATEVER, PROBABLY TOO BUSY DOING COCAINE lol
 <'''Ruby'''> lolol
 <'''JackThadeus'''> probably out with Maurice
 <'''vivitheg'''> and cocaine
 <'''JackThadeus'''> & Jamal
 <'''vivitheg'''> and cocaine
 <'''Ruby'''> and the rest of the jackson five
 <'''Ruby'''> slut
 <'''vivitheg'''> do ho ho ho
 <'''vivitheg'''> ANYWAY, cowboy
 <'''vivitheg'''> you know what's going down?
 '''Ruby''' slaps '''SonichuClone''' around a bit with a large trout
 <'''SonichuClone'''> :D
 <'''JackThadeus'''> We want to piss off the Xbox 360 tards
 <'''Ruby'''> Took you long enough
 <'''vivitheg'''> fuck microsoft fanboys seriously
 <'''Ruby'''> lol yeah
 <'''JackThadeus'''> and ruin their sells
 <'''vivitheg'''> we need to end the console wars
 <'''vivitheg'''> SONY WILL WIN WOO
 <'''Ruby'''> Hot huh, Bill?
<TheRealCapnCrunch> nah the xbox is the shit
 <'''vivitheg'''> okay i'm banning you
 '''vivitheg''' sets mode: +b *!*@gecko.mantis
 Timer 1 activated
 <'''Ruby'''> HAHAHAH
 Timer 1 halted
 '''TheRealCapnCrunch''' was kicked by '''vivitheg''' (fuck you�)
 <'''Ruby'''> what a small cock
 <'''NickDunbar'''> So clueless
 '''vivitheg''' sets mode: -b *!*@gecko.mantis
 <'''vivitheg'''> ugh so stupid
 <'''JackThadeus'''> A true fan of Sony would Hump/thrust the shit out of the ps3 console.
 <'''vivitheg'''> so naive
 <'''Ruby'''> yeah
 <'''Ruby'''> a guy with a big cock would do it
 <'''Ruby'''> and women would suck that shit
 <'''Ruby'''> they'd eat all dat cum
 <'''vivitheg'''> and none of us have big dicks HUH JACK EHHHHHHHHHHH
 <'''vivitheg'''> HEH
 '''FireBurnt''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Plus anything would be better than seeing that crappy white console being humped
 <'''vivitheg'''> shit son.
 <'''Ruby'''> yeah
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Xbox360 don't know hwo to make good GAMES
 <'''vivitheg'''> but he's expressed resistance to the idea
 <'''NickDunbar'''> Y'know why they call it the 360 right?
 <'''NumberTwo'''> I do not know, why?
 <'''Ruby'''> Yeah why
 <'''NickDunbar'''> Because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk away
 <'''vivitheg'''> look, jack you gonna get him banned from psn permanently right if he doesn't agree?
 <'''NumberTwo'''> LOLOLOLOLOL
 <'''FireBurnt'''> you turn 360 degrees and moon walk away
 <'''vivitheg'''> SHUT UP YOU JOKERS
 <'''JackThadeus'''> 360 should be named 180, as in you see the console and wanna turn to go away
 <'''JackThadeus'''> amirite?
 <'''vivitheg'''> ugh jack listen to me
 <'''FireBurnt'''> yeah
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Yes My 2nd
 <'''vivitheg'''> oh okay good
 <'''Ruby'''> You fucking shriner, FireBurnt
 <'''vivitheg'''> i want to ban him though, it'll be awesome
 <'''vivitheg'''> can i do it?
 <'''Ruby'''> Did you burn ur brain AND dick off in that fire of '06
 <'''JackThadeus'''> only if we DONT have the sony humping video
 <'''JackThadeus'''> that is when i'll consider it
 <'''Ruby'''> right.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> & I am not afraid of myself getting banned at the process
 <'''vivitheg'''> god then i hope he doesn't do it then
 <'''Ruby'''> If he doesn't do that video, he's a fucking no dick pussy
 <'''vivitheg'''> anyway cowboy, what do you think of this whole thing?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I have an extra console in my person for the situation to happen.
 <'''Ruby'''> kewl
 '''vivitheg''' slaps '''SonichuClone''' with a HUGE-ASS TROUT.
 <'''Ruby'''> '''SonichuClone'''
 <'''vivitheg'''> yo cowboy
 <'''vivitheg'''> pay attention bro
 <'''FireBurnt'''> you there?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Yo, I'm just waitin' for the BIG Plan; what's next for the r-tard
 <'''SonichuClone'''> ?
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''vivitheg'''> lol
 <'''NumberTwo'''> lol
 '''Mysterious_Stranger''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''Ruby'''> whadya mean, newbie?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> why you gotta censore?
 '''Mysterious_Stranger''' is now known as '''The_C_Man'''
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I ain't censorin'
 <'''vivitheg'''> well, what do you think about the ps3 thing
 <'''Ruby'''> better not be
 <'''JackThadeus'''> r-tard*
 <'''SonichuClone'''> he's a motherfuckin retard
 <'''vivitheg'''> that's what we wanted to know
 <'''The_C_Man'''> Sounds pretty solid
 <'''JackThadeus'''> ok then
 <'''JackThadeus'''> the big plan
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I LOATHE the 360. Damn Red Ring
 <'''FireBurnt'''> this is a chat you know we chat here not wait
 <'''Ruby'''> yeah he is, and he's goanna be a no dick retard if he doesnt do this
 <'''vivitheg'''> yeah, fuck the 360
 <'''SonichuClone'''> YES
 <'''vivitheg'''> i'm ambivelent on the wii though
 <'''vivitheg'''> what do you think about the wii?
 <'''Ruby'''> agreed, I like Animal Crossing
 <'''Ruby'''> It's cute.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> You ever played any 360 games?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> it's alright; I've only checked it in a store demo.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> '''SonichuClone''', aren't they terrible?
 <'''FireBurnt'''> i say we plan a away to destroy all 360s but they're doing that by themselves
 <'''vivitheg'''> do ho ho ho ho
 <'''The_C_Man'''> Ooooh, that shit's gonna be TIGHT yo
 <'''Ruby'''> you so black C WOMAN
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I hated the 360 fuck-ups.
 <'''vivitheg'''> of course
 <'''vivitheg'''> Bill Gates...more like...Bill Gaytes
 <'''vivitheg'''> heh amirite?
 <'''NumberTwo'''> lol
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Gears of War...shit...more like TEARS OF WAR
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''NumberTwo'''> VERY
 <'''Ruby'''> lol ZING
 <'''The_C_Man'''> Yeah dawg, dat shit'z gay
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Star Wars: The Force unleashed? more like Star Whores: GAYS IN A LEASH
 <'''NumberTwo'''> lol
 <'''vivitheg'''> anyway, let's introduce cowboy here to the gang
 <'''vivitheg'''> you know jack obviously
 <'''vivitheg'''> leader of us all
 <'''vivitheg'''> And I'm Vivian Gee
 <'''The_C_Man'''> Man, dat sum homo shit
 <'''vivitheg'''> nice to meet ya
 <'''NickDunbar'''> D'oh ho ho
 <'''JackThadeus'''> greetings
 <'''SonichuClone'''> HAIL Jack! :)
 <'''JackThadeus'''> :D
 <'''vivitheg'''> FireBurnt is some crazy pyromaniac
 <'''Ruby'''> I'm '''Ruby''' Serenity Minge
 <'''vivitheg'''> and the other people are a bunch of faggots
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Now '''SonichuClone'''
 <'''Ruby'''> yeah he burnt his dick off
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I'm a bit clueless on one detail, HOW is it you can get the retard banned from his fuckin' PSN?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> everyone here has at least 3 reasons of hating/trolling Chrischan, The MAn Child.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> What are your 3 reasons, my friend.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> ?*
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Killed Clyde; Called me a homo after I trolled him, I think he even sent me a virus to take down my computer; I just fuckin' hate the batard.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> *bastard
 <'''JackThadeus'''> ok
 <'''JackThadeus'''> On psn
 <'''JackThadeus'''> you have 3 strikes then your out deal on the psn
 '''Minovsky''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Chris has been banned 2 times now
===Surprise Sex===
 <'''SonichuClone'''> You know what we should do, we should make him [[Rape|force himself]] on [[Rocky Shoemaker|his counslor]]; forgot her name, and film it.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> *have him film it.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Which Counselor?
 <'''Ruby'''> lol why?
 <'''Ruby'''> Explain.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> the counsoler he sees weekly
 <'''The_C_Man'''> Whoa, dat shit's nuts
 <'''JackThadeus'''> don't know
 <'''vivitheg'''> uhhhh is her name julia?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> don't care
 <'''Ruby'''> EXPLAIN
 <'''JackThadeus'''> listen
 <'''SonichuClone'''> IDK, I think it started with an "R" if I recall.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Chris has 2 strikes on the banning
 <'''Ruby'''> OH YEAH Rocky
 <'''JackThadeus'''> the 3rd will console bann him for good
 <'''SonichuClone'''> That's it.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> yes
 <'''JackThadeus'''> If he wants to complain
 <'''JackThadeus'''> then he will have to hang himself in the process
 <'''SonichuClone'''> hells yeah!
 <'''vivitheg'''> lol like he told sam right?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> So if he wants to shoot himself in the head he has no choice but to comply
 <'''Ruby'''> Where IS Sam
 <'''vivitheg'''> probably cocaine...ing.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> but I do intend on following my end of the bargain
 <'''Ruby'''> She needs to be off the case if shes doing this shit...
 <'''JackThadeus'''> That much I promised him.
 <'''vivitheg'''> of course, then we see a happy sony fan and PISSED OFF 360 FANS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
 <'''vivitheg'''> WOO.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> YES!
 <'''Ruby'''> You're so awesome Jack, you have the biggest cock
 <'''vivitheg'''> (when he doesn't)
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I know...
 <'''Ruby'''> So honest...
 <'''The_C_Man'''> SHit yeah, nigga got a WANG BANG
 <'''Ruby'''> And humble...
 <'''Ruby'''> Did you guys know Chris fucking shits himself 2
 <'''Ruby'''> he's such a retard
 <'''SonichuClone'''> DUDE!
 <'''Ruby'''> lol ik
 <'''Ruby'''> '''SonichuClone''', you ready to be face sat?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Chris has 12 hours to comply before I call psn and report the both of us.
 <'''vivitheg'''> shut up '''Ruby'''
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''vivitheg'''> you always gotta ask that
 <'''JackThadeus'''> The video much be within 8 minutes of him begging me for his psn and humping/thrusting himself upon his console.
 <'''vivitheg'''> of course, showing how loyal he is to sony
 <'''Ruby'''> Jack, you are like an electrode
 <'''vivitheg'''> that way we have something to hang over the head of 360 fans
 <'''vivitheg'''> they have nothing
 <'''vivitheg'''> we have chris
 <'''vivitheg'''> yawn, i'm sleepy
 <'''JackThadeus'''> So what did you think of clyde, my former lover, sonichu clone? mind if I call you SC for short?
 <'''Ruby'''> we need some pep
 <'''vivitheg'''> i liked cowboy better
 <'''JackThadeus'''> w/e proceed please.
 '''Ruby''' slaps '''SonichuClone''' around a bit with a large trout
 '''The_C_Man''' is now known as '''Nigafingaonnatrigga'''
 '''The_Mistress''' has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
 <'''SonichuClone'''> He was a cool man; I enjoyed our conversations.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> and smokin weed too. :)
 <'''The_Mistress'''> Hello everyone.
 <'''Nigafingaonnatrigga'''> Sounds like a tight nigga. Whatchoo talk about
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''SonichuClone'''> SC is cool; sounds like Soul Calibur.
 <'''vivitheg'''> sup mistress, we got a newcomer here
 <'''vivitheg'''> anyway jack continue
 <'''The_Mistress'''> Oh really?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> What have you conversed with clyde about awhile back?
 '''Nigafingaonnatrigga''' is now known as '''NigaTriggaFinga'''
 <'''JackThadeus'''> i'm blurry on the details
 <'''JackThadeus'''> never told me while we were in bed/smoking weed.
 <'''NigaTriggaFinga'''> Weed iz da BOMB
 <'''Ruby'''> I love Soul Calibur
 <'''Ruby'''> I am Talim
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Shit about Chris, and whatnot. Yeah, this was about a year ago, the last time I talked to him.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I like the picture he shared on the net to deceive the retard.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> If u could do 1 thing to chris, SC, what would you do?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> really off-the charts.
===Doubling Down on the Surprise Sex===
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Force him to dis himself by [[Rape|forcing himself]] upon one of his surperiors.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> why do you want him to go see a supperior?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> IDK, so he can compare himself and see how REALLY SMALL he is.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> :)
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Did you hear? [[Ivy]] committed suicide over her Dad not letting her move to Virginia to be with Chris.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> DAMN!
 <'''SonichuClone'''> how much did that bitch have?
 <'''vivitheg'''> she tried to call chris once more it was funny
 <'''vivitheg'''> lol
 <'''Ruby'''> Yeah she was so desperate
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Her dad found out about she called him
 <'''JackThadeus'''> are you talking about money?
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''JackThadeus'''> she had no money'.
 <'''Ruby'''> She hung herself because her dad forbid her to see him. Lol she died in vain over a small cock.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> *crooked cock
 <'''Ruby'''> hahaha
 <'''Ruby'''> ik I can't believe Chris thought she was a troll! The one girl who actually loved him. Pathetic. And now she's dead cos of would be next for you on him?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Then I will spend the remaining money on his psn accounts.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> How much does he have?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> and then call the psn
 <'''JackThadeus'''> since i know a friend in the office that can ban him.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Vivi created a virus to go to his psn.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> after the ban commences
 <'''vivitheg'''> THEN HE'LL HAVE A FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE US DOLLAR BRICK
 <'''Ruby'''> No more PSN, no more Console! He's goanna loose everything.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I was talking about, though, AFTER you ban him forever and like weeks later, then what?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Well I do have some aces up my sleeve for THAT moment.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Do tell.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I have a brother
 <'''JackThadeus'''> who works at that NBC station in Charlotsville
 <'''SonichuClone'''> go on.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> or are you just going to expose him for the bad shit on the internet?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I have saved facts tha ED has. A hungry news reporter is BEGGING to report on chris
 <'''JackThadeus'''> on how much of a internet slob he is.
 <'''Ruby'''> lol yeah
 <'''JackThadeus'''> We will give him NEGATIVE media attention
 <'''JackThadeus'''> (like he had any "POSITIVE" attention from the start >>)
 <'''SonichuClone'''> I hear that.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> just like what I did with the radio stations
 <'''SonichuClone'''> radio?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> what happened?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> Hold on a sec I got the radio links
 <'''JackThadeus'''> there were like 6 or 7 of them
 <'''JackThadeus'''> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyCRuXjSKs8 this for starters
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Awesome! :D
 <'''JackThadeus'''> And here is the thing IF chris were to follow our demands.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> did you do any of these others on this list here?
 <'''SonichuClone'''> oh?
 <'''vivitheg'''> we have a new plan.
 <'''JackThadeus'''> IF chris is to follow our demands, I will follow my end of the deal.
 <'''Ruby'''> We did all.
 <'''vivitheg'''> it's a glorious plan
 <'''JackThadeus'''> And then we will troll that [[Joshua Martinez]] guy that knows Chris.
 <'''vivitheg'''> that guy's a faggot
 <'''Ruby'''> yeah he's a mexican
 <'''Ruby'''> sorry
 <'''Ruby'''> *mexiCANT
 <'''JackThadeus'''> & then Chris Crocker after him.
 <'''SonichuClone'''> who?
 <'''Ruby'''> a faggoo
 <'''SonichuClone'''> never heard of Crocker
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I felt bad chris when Josh tried to steal the psp from Chris.
 <'''Ruby'''> lol how can you not know who Crocker is, SonichClone?
 <'''vivitheg'''> jesus lay off the alcohol
 <'''SonichuClone'''> yeah, I may have heard of him while I was 6 feet under. :D
 <'''Ruby'''> what?
 <'''JackThadeus'''> heh
 <'''vivitheg'''> 6 feet under?
 <'''vivitheg'''> what
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Jack gets me.
 <'''Ruby'''> lol
 <'''SonichuClone'''> Drunk, Vivi
 <'''JackThadeus'''> sorry too much to drink.
 <'''Ruby'''> What the fuck u talking about
 <'''vivitheg'''> oh, i bet it's an injoke
 <'''vivitheg'''> or something
 <'''SonichuClone'''> yeah, an inside drunk joke. :D
 <'''NigaTriggaFinga'''> Shit man, dat's crazy.
 <'''vivitheg'''> anyway, it's a big shift for us to move targets
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I found Chris' ex-BF, Max Molvania...aka [[Julie]].
 <'''vivitheg'''> where the fuck has he been
 <'''Ruby'''> lol yeah chris sux his cock
 <'''JackThadeus'''> he was a traitor & actually Fell for chris.
 <'''vivitheg'''> really? fuckin christ
 <'''JackThadeus'''> I had to finish him off.
 <'''vivitheg'''> gasp
 <'''JackThadeus'''> So does anyone know how far chris will finish his music video?
 '''SonichuClone''' has quit IRC
 <'''vivitheg'''> where's your damn friend jack
 <'''vivitheg'''> why did he leave
 <'''vivitheg'''> i wanted a pic of his dick
 <'''NickDunbar'''> Hm
 <'''Minovsky'''> chris wants to do rocky
 <'''Minovsky'''> he wants to do her hard
 Logging for #trolltrain4andhalf started
 End of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:IRC]]

Punchy Sonichu

2012-02-09T06:53:55Z

Phones: /* Garrely */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| ??? (in universe)
21 February 2006 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7"<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref>
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe (adoptive father)
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Ground
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is often considered to be a [[racist]] Asian stereotype due to his [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes]] and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]]. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref>

However, the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]] knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest and the spikes on his fists, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of 4 characters:

*[[Knuckles]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and blatant [[racism]] of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but he has not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him -- much to the anticipation of no one. This in contrast to [[Wild]], who has done so several times.<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_3/Page_3|Issue 3, Page 3}}</ref><ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_9/Page_6|Issue 9, Page 6}}</ref>
==Comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a [[Wikipedia:Dojo|Dōjō]], more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel-Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, and presumably to the [[The Moon|Moon]]. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref>

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|Totarry not Asian.]]

While Punchy rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training, his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board which causes Punchy to hitch a ride by accident. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her over-sized tits. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. They all beat up Blake until his [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head is bleeding]] all over the grass.

===[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start talking about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous bitches. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move. Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This excites Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. The teacher fixes Punchy up with [[Layla]], whom he falls in love with. [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest place in CWCville - [[McDonald's]].

===[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (probably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago. Worth noting that in Virginia, being sober (which Layla was, since she didn't have such a hangover) and having sex with someone who's drunk counts as rape.

== Rove Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, probably realizing Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. Turns out Punchy was wrong as Angelica is a dirty slut for Reginald Sneasel.

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrely==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon|Poketto Monsuta]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Lefelences==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Jiggliami

2012-02-09T06:22:02Z

Phones:

{{quote|Baka Dana Watashi! It's the war of love!|[[Jiggliami]]'s song "War of Love"}}
{{quote|After this concert we will be superstars! We can have any man we want!|Jiggliami to [[Blanca]] before their breakout concert}}

[[Image:Jiggliami.jpg|thumb|Chris-Chan traced his former girlfriend's drawing, resulting in a copy of a copy]]

'''Jiggliami''' is [[Blanca Weiss]]'s "original" character that Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 11th, 2008|claimed]] after she broke up with him. Note the irony and [[hypocrisy]] in this action, considering he can steal other people's characters willingly, but when it comes to [[Asperchu|his characters being stolen]], he gets butthurt. Also in [[Episode 18]], it is hinted that she was [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s girlfriend while he was still a regular [[Pikachu]]. Fortunately, we are spared any flashbacks of the [[sex| conception]] of an Igglybuff.

Her first appearance in the comics was the [[KCWC]] segment in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] where she was interviewed by [[DJ Jamsta]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] followed by boring, [[Women's rights|sexist]] talk and a lame, equally sexist joke about Jiggliami's [[I am STRAIGHT|snowballs]]. Her next (and last) appearance was [[Episode 18]], during the "Spring Break" escapades. She is first seen with Blanca, who is presumably her manager or plays guitar for her… [[Chris and writing|or something]], the two have an inane conversation about energizing the crowd and how after the concert, they'll be famous enough that they could [[Love Quest|get any man they wanted to]]. The conversation ends with [[Blanca]] alluding to her [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|heart's desire]] being trapped in [[Time Void|another dimension]].

Later on she finds the comatose [[Blake]] after his encounter with [[Silvana]], and then [[Magi-Chan]] and Jiggliami inform [[Bubbles]] that Silvana is posing as Blake. Later on, Jiggliami sings her song "War of Love" to the cheers of the audience, but before the song she states that she's missing her old [[Sonichu (character)|Pikachu boyfriend]].

Ever since the breakup with Blanca, Jiggliami no longer appears in the comic.

In the [[Blanca E-mails]] she is given some bullshit history about wishing on a star and somehow getting turned into the anthropomorphic abomination seen in the comic, but Chris never mentions this. Within the comic Jiggliami just shows up with no explanation as to how and why a humanoid Jigglypuff exists.

==Creation==
[[Image:Jiggy.jpg|thumb|left|Blanca's drawing, in and of itself a crude copy of the character on the right]]
[[Image:Ranka_trace.jpg|thumb|Ranka, who is in turn a [[Pedofork|loli]] version of Lynn Minmay. So Chris has done a copy of a copy of a copy?]]

The original illustration by Blanca has a striking resemblance to both a screencap and illustration of [[Wikipedia:List of Macross Frontier characters#Ranka Lee|Ranka Lee]], a character from the [[anime]] ''[[Wikipedia:Macross Frontier|Macross Frontier]]'', which means Christian further degraded the quality of the original, Xerox-style. The characters are both pop stars, and share many other attributes such as their "up-and-coming" status and inane, bubbly songs. To be fair to our autistic hero, mecha anime is probably not [[Wikipedia:Cuteness in Japanese culture|kawaii]] enough for his tastes, so he probably never has even heard of the series; so how would he know he was tracing a trace? Still, ''damn''.

There's a small bit of irony, though, in that ''Macross Frontier'''s main character is a former [[Wikipedia:Kabuki|kabuki]] actor who played [[Tomgirl Pictures|female roles]], much like men playing women in old-school [[Wikipedia:William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] productions. To make matters even funnier, the anime also had a comic relief [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|flamboyantly gay]] character. Maybe it's for the best that Chris doesn't know about this.

[[Image:Jiggliami Jigglypuff x Sonic by KawaiiKitsune123.jpg|thumb|left|Blanca's second drawing]]
The lyrics to the song Jiggliami was singing were also ripped off (and mercilessly butchered) from a music video by [[Wikipedia:Supercell_(band)|Supercell]] using the Japanese [[Wikipedia:Vocaloid|Vocaloid]] character [[Wikipedia:Hatsune Miku|Hatsune Miku]].

If this whole situation sounds familiar, well, it is: [[Simonla]] originally was a creation of a another "[[Evan|fan]]" that was in turn a, ahem, "[[parody]]" of another animu character, exactly like Jiggliami.

Jiggliami is a knockoff of the following:
* [[Amy Rose]]
* [[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]
* [[Wikipedia:Ranka Lee|Ranka Lee]]
==See also==
*[[Simonla]]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Honor roll

2012-02-04T14:03:24Z

Phones: /* Chris made the honor roll? */

{{protip|It has so far unknown whether or not Chris really did make the honor roll. [[China]] or [[pickles]] and a place in the Trolling Hall of Fame awaits anyone who can conclusively prove or disprove Chris's honor roll status.}}

[[Image:0558-ChrisChanOfY2KClass.jpg|thumb|right|The white sash says Chris made the honor roll, but the [[The creepy stare|slack-jawed stare]] says so much more.]]

{{quote|No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos [sic] de HONOR ROLL. ¡Bueño! [sic]|Ricardo Weston Chandler <ref>Translation: Not lonely with them, but with my points [should be "puntas"] of HONOR ROLL. Good!</ref>}}

{{quote| I AM HONOR ROLL!| [[Liquid Chris]]}}

{{quote|HONOR ROLL MY ASS|[[Vivian Gee]], [[Audiobooks]]}}

Chris's presence on the '''honor roll''' in [[high school]] is something he often brings up as evidence of his [[Slow-in-the-minds|intelligence]]. Despite his insistence to the contrary, Chris's past behavior and obvious gullibility, poor communication and self-delusion cast doubt on this claim. Chris likes to boast of his honor roll status wherever possible, due to it being the closest thing in his life to an actual accomplishment.

==Where Chris has claimed Honor Roll status==
Chris has trumpeted his honor-roll status in a number of his documents and videos.

*In [[Sub-Episode 2]], Chris drops the honor-roll line in a post-script to his unsolicited follow-up email to [[Hanna]]. Because the girl who just deliberately [[troll]]ed your [[heart level]] down to 15% will flip for you if you're on the honor roll.
*In his [[Miyamoto emails|e-mails]] to [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], he apparently thought making the honor roll would impress a world-renowned game designer.
*Likewise, he mentioned the honor roll early in his [[Blanca E-mails|e-mail exchanges with Blanca]].
*The honor roll gets a shout-out in the lyrics to "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]" by [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia autobiography]] prominently mentioned the honor roll.
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|Asperger's rant]], Chris cited making the honor roll as one of many ways in which he overcame the obstacles presented by his [[autism]], and how he is apparently better than those with [[Aspergers]].
*In his [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|first public plea for understanding on YouTube]], Chris mentioned the honor roll in passing.
*Chris's first [[OkCupid]] profile from [[February 2009]] announces that he made the honor roll.
*In [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris bragged about his "honor roll points" as one of the many qualities that apparently set him apart from [[Liquid Chris]].
*In response, Liquid Chris picked up the honor-roll catchphrase himself, using it in one of their arguments over the phone.<ref>[[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE]]</ref>
*In the [[Autism Awareness E-mails]], Chris mentioned making the honor roll as one reason why he did not need a caretaker or other supervision.

==Chris made the honor roll?==
In Chris's graduation pictures from both high school and college, he is wearing a sash that generally indicates graduating with honors. This only means so much without additional context, though. Depending on his school's standards for who winds up on the honor roll, it may not represent that impressive an achievement, especially if Chris was able to rack up the required grade point average with remedial course work instead of normal classes. In some schools, the only requirement is a minimum GPA, so anyone with a GPA of, say, 3.5, is on the honor roll, even if every single course was a remedial course. For what it's worth, the psychiatrist who conducted Chris's [[autism papers|intake survey]] in [[2004]] noted that Chris took regular classes in high school, but he may have only had Chris's word for that. It's also noted that often times with honor roll, it's not hard to get honor roll if you have done all your homework and class work and did adequate on tests, even in a normal class setting. So, A in homework, and C in tests, MIGHT average to the B area, at least enough to be considered in the honor roll.

On the other hand, it's not completely out of the question to consider that Chris might have been able to get decent grades in school. His emotional and social issues have always made judging his actual intelligence a little tricky. In "[[Song of Christian]]", he is enraged to receive an "F" in English, suggesting that he usually got good grades, and also rages: ''"I mean, I started off with an "A" and you just lowered it, lowered, lowered it!"'', indicating that he initially made good grades in the class, but for one reason or another, they slipped into "F"'s before long.

Chris's basic cognitive functions work fine, as the 2004 psychiatric survey confirmed, and in some respects he seems to be no less intellectually capable than many ordinary people. He has a reasonable facility with [[computers]] and technology, for instance. At the same time, his laziness, [[naïve|naïveté]], [[Chris and his ego|egotism]] and [[Chris and sex|raging hormones]] have obviously led him to ever-increasing depths of self-destructively foolish behavior. The Miyamoto saga offers an interesting example of this contrast: Chris was bright enough to eventually work out that the e-mails he received from "Miyamoto" came from an easily-spoofed domain... but then if he weren't so blinded by his ego, he would never have believed that [[Nintendo]] was interested in his [[Sonichu|shitty knockoff character]] in the first place.

So, is Chris too stupid to have made the honor roll? Maybe. Is Chris too gullible, arrogant, and led about by his [[duck]] to function in real life? Definitely.

One would think that all Chris needs to do is to post his grades in order to end the doubts to his alleged intelligence. Sadly, according to [[Mailbag 19]], Chris's report card papers are said to be locked away beyond his reach (which could mean a number of things - they could be locked away, buried under the piles of shit that litter his house, he doesn't have them anymore and he doesn't want to reveal that to others, or he's just too lazy to get up and find them), we may never know the truth until something finally snaps and he's able to get them. On the other hand, he's probably had them all along, and would never reveal them because they prove that he's the dumbfuck we know him to be.

Contradictorily, Chris also claims that the grades testifying to honor roll status are a matter of [[Mailbag 21#When you're 27, nobody really cares about your high school report cards|public record]], but was too lazy to procure them himself. [[Trolls|Those]] who have (or desire) access to the Chesterfield County Public Schools hall of records should take note; transcripts are not too difficult to obtain.

It is noteworthy that [[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] stated in a Prank Call that Chris did not, in fact, make the Honor Roll.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npFYbb2sccs</ref> It is possible that Bob was either mistaken, lying or progressing into senility.

==Notes and references==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Manchester High School]]
*[[Slow-in-the-minds]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Education]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Card games

2012-02-04T04:48:29Z

Phones:

__NOEDITSECTION__
{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:DSC01318.jpg|thumb|[[Yawning Squirtle]] playing a customized [[Rosechu]] card. In play-testing, it was concluded that although some of Chris's customs were insanely overpowered, others really sucked.]]

Throughout his life, [[Chris]] has wasted shitloads of [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on '''Tradable Card Games''' (TCG). To date, Chris plays five different ones: ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''UFS'' (''Ultimate Fighting System''), ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' TCG, and most recently, ''[[The Eye of Judgment]]''.

==List of TCGs Chris has played==
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|If only life were more like ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''…]]
[[Image:CWCEOJ.jpg|thumb|Chris in ''[[The Eye of Judgment]]''.]]

===Pokémon TCG===
{{main|Pokémon}}
The '''Pokémon TCG''' was first introduced in Japan in October [[1996]], then North America in December [[1998]]. It was initially published by Wizards of the Coast. Chris started getting into the Pokémon TCG in [[1999]], and made his own deck and custom Pokémon-cards. He also [[Inventions|invented]] a special "heavy-duty case" made from [[Lego]] blocks and held together with tape, to carry his card decks.

In [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], Chris ran an ad proposing a Pokémon TCG expansion titled ''EX-CWC''. This ad firmly establishes Christian's custom trading cards as part of the Sonichu franchise. Also, it reaffirms Chris's [[Chris and his ego|rampant narcissism]], as he names the proposed expansion after himself (just like he names everything) instead of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] characters that would occupy the expansion.

===Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG===
{{main|Yu-Gi-Oh!}}
The '''Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG''' came out worldwide in [[2002]], and was developed and published by Konami. The earliest sources we have of Chris playing the game are from [[2004]], when he started making a bunch of custom cards. Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] during a ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' match in the summer of [[2005]].

===Sailor Moon TCG===
{{main|Sailor Moon}}
The '''Sailor Moon TCG''' was released in [[2000]] by Dart Flipcards Inc. We know Chris got into this game through Megan, who was a big fan of it, but he has never referenced to it very much outside of the emails. During the [[Julie|Julie Saga]], Chris had a bunch of ''Sailor Moon'' cards up on his website.

===The Eye of Judgment TCG===
{{main|The Eye of Judgment}}
'''The Eye of Judgment''' is a TCG/videogame hybrid released in [[2007]] by [[Sony]]. Chris got into this game quite heavily, because it could be played online, and [[autism|no social interaction]] was needed. This game came into quite a few videos, and Chris probably [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apologized]] to [[the GAMe PLACe]] because of it.

===UFS (Ultimate Fighting System) TCG===
'''Universal Fighting System TCG''' is a collectible card game originally designed by Sabertooth Games, it was first released in [[2006]], and involves popular fighting video game characters. According to [[Mimms]], Chris usually played with female characters, like Cassandra from ''[[Soul Calibur]]'' or [[CWC Fighter|Chun-Li]] from ''Street Fighter''.
{{clear}}

==List of places where Chris has played TCGs==
[[Image:Sonichupunch.jpg|thumb|Chris, holding it out like he's supposed to at [[The GAMe PLACe]].]]

===Books-A-Million===
Chris claims to have volunteered as an assistant Gym Leader at the Pokémon League at the Midlothian [[VA]] '''Books-A-Million''' between March [[1998]] and June [[2000]].<ref name="Resume">[[Chris's resume#Experience]]</ref> This is impossible, as the Pokémon trading card game wasn't released in North America until December 1998, and its official league wasn't founded until the following year. It is also unsure as to what extent Chris was actually "assistant Gym Leader," and whether or not he was just mucking about and behaving like a toddler. Chris would have stopped going here after his family moved 77 miles (125 km) back to [[Ruckersville]] in the summer of 2000.

In the May 2010 video [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|I Pimp My Ride]], as well as a number of other videos from 2010, Chris is seen wearing a shirt that reads "Pokémon League Books-A-Million Trainer", suggesting that at one point Chris did have some sort of staffing role in the store's organized Pokémon games. More important, it shows that Chris has hung on to this cheap memento of the experience for more than a decade, despite the fact that it is now far too small to wear and highlights his [[obesity]] to a disturbing degree.

===Toys "Я" Us===
Chris says he volunteered as assistant Gym Leader at the Pokémon League at the [[Charlottesville]] '''Toys "Я" Us''' between June [[2000]] and June [[2002]],<ref name="Resume" /> after his move back to Ruckersville. Again, we don't really know if he actually had duties, or if he was just joining in with the children.

According to first-hand reports of his games at Toys "Я" Us, Chris used the fake cards he made in battles and tried to encourage others to do so by giving them out. Some of these cards are extremely broken or cheap. Chris was reportedly kicked out of the store for insisting that he be allowed to use them, even though they would be outright unfair to whoever played against him. The look upon a child's face as Chris lays down a [[Virgin with rage]] card would have been priceless.

===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}
Chris claims to have volunteered as assistant Gym Leader at the Pokémon League at the Rochelle VA '''GAMe PLACe'''.<ref name="Resume" /> He started coming here in June [[2002]], and stayed there until he got permabanned by the manager in August [[2008]]. [[Lucas]] has stated that he actually sometimes did do work here as a Gym Leader, although this was only very occasionally, when there were no better people around to do the job.

== Custom cards ==
[[Image:338-Flashbulb.jpg|thumb|It may look cool, but it's useless against [[Snorlax]]]]

{{main|Wall of Originals}}
In addition to making custom trading cards (most notably ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' trading cards), Chris has produced tons of custom cards for most of the TCGs he as played. He proudly displays the Pokémon cards in [[The Wall of Originals]] (well, he'll likely proudly display them to anyone whom he manages to trap in the room, anyway), and put many (but not all) of the custom cards in the [[DVD]] slideshow. Most recently, he has made ''Eye of Judgment'' cards, as shown in his [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out For a Hero]] video.

It is worthy of note that most (if not all) of Chris' custom Yu-Gi-Oh cards are incredibly overpowered or amazingly weak and would never be accepted in a duel. This shows that Chris either knows too little about games he spent many hours playing or has an [[Chris and his Ego|Ego]] bloated enough to think that cards based off himself and his life should be ahead in power over "lesser" cards.

In the [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Initial_post|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]], Mimms said that while Chris still kept his custom cards with the rest of his card collection and showed them off to other players at the GAMe PLACe, he had given up on trying to use them in competitive games.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[Video games]]

[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

Dating ad.mp4

2012-02-03T20:46:58Z

Phones:

{{lowercase title}}
{{recent}}
'''dating_ad.mp4''', as its title suggests, is a personal advertisement that [[Chris|Chris]] recorded sometime in 2008. In the recording, Chris awkwardly tells listeners [[virgin with rage|his situation]] and what he wants in a potential [[sweetheart]]. It should be noted that Chris stopped himself from mentioning [[Chris and Race|the preferred ethnicity]] of his future girlfriend.

It's not know if Chris did (or intended to) use this video as self-promotion in a dating site, or had other uses in mind as part of his [[love quest]].

This particular recording, albeit nothing out of the ordinary when it comes to Chris's [[love quest]], is unique due to the fact that it took years for it to be finally discovered in November of [[2011]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = dating_ad.mp4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|USnTmSZYRt0}}
| stardate = [[2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Blanca|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| shirt =

| previous = [[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD|SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
| next = None
}}

==Transcript==
"My name is, uh, Christian. I'm, uh, currently [[2008|twenty six years old]]. I'm looking for a, uh, [[Boyfriend-Free Girl|boyfriend-free...woman]] to be my [[sweetheart from the ground-up]]. Preferably, uh...one who's...well...[[Chris and Race|well, jus uh..., never mind about preference]].

But anyway, uh...definitely [[Tobacky|smoke]]-free, non-[[Alcohol|alcoholic]], and, uh...yeah, b-you know, just an honest, good girl to be my, to be my sweet [[Chris and English|qu-sweetheart quality]].

''[Silence, new recording begins]''

So, uh...yeah. ''[Clears throat]'' Send me a message if, uh, you're interested. Have a good day.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler's Dating Ad!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UTLAnZW6bQ4}}
| stardate = 2 [[December 2011]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/NorojiEntertainment NorojiEntertainment]
| subject = dating_ad.mp4
}}

[[Category:Blanca Saga videos]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Respectable Frames

2012-02-03T17:06:58Z

Phones:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|1Sed9mjXEko}}</center>

{{Quote|My frames are good; [[Chris and Fashion|they look good to me]], and they are the best fit for my lenses anyway.|Chris, [[Mailbag 14#The pedoglasses stay|on his choice in eyewear]].}}

[[Image:069-SchuGlasses.jpg|thumb|Right|Sonichu on his pedo-glasses - "I think I've picked the wrong frames." Yes, yes you have.]]

The '''[[Pedo]]-Glasses''', also known as the '''[[Rapist]] Glasses''', are the colloquial names for [[Chris]]'s spectacles, the appearance of which have been described variously as recalling some form of [[sex]]ual deviant, usually along the lines of a [[pedofork]]. He began wearing them on 2 February 1998.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref> In late [[October 2010]], Chris broke his glasses and repaired them with Crayola Model Magic.<ref>[[WeighIn]]</ref>

==Glasses==
They are double-bridged (to reduce damage induced by fits of [[tard rage]]) and somewhat oversized, their roundness emphasizing Chris's pudgy face and generally rotund form. The earpieces are connected by a string attachment that nobody else under the age of sixty would use. Regardless, Chris has defended his choice of eyewear with the truism that [[Madman Rising|"it helps me see better"]], although they remained conspicuously absent from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]] for some time.

Often these type of frames and lenses are among the few pairs available by default to a patient at little to no cost if they want to utilize their [[monthly tugboat|Social Security Disability Insurance]] on vision benefits. Of course, many tend to spend some extra cash on a much better pair of frames, but Chris has better things [[Chris and money|to buy]].
{{clear}}

==Dramatic glasses removal==

Chris has been known to emphatically remove his glasses from his face for dramatic effect in his videos, often putting them on just so he can tear them off again, like the manchild version of David Caruso. (For a useful example in context, see his video from [[100 2188|27 May 2010]], where he removes his glasses, puts them back on, and removes them again within the space of less than thirty seconds.)

In various videos Chris also appears to take his glasses off and throw them to the floor. This was particularly common during his feud with [[Liquid Chris]], when the dispute over his identity had him especially wound up — see [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|here]] and [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|here]] for examples. In a [[WeighIn|couple of]] [[FullHouse|videos]] posted in October 2010, it appears Chris has wrapped tape over the bridge of his glasses, showing that all those dramatic removals have finally taken their toll on Chris's frames. The tape was later replaced by a more permanent solution in form of a nose-piece, crafted in crayola model magic.

How exactly his frames broke in the first place is unknown. [[The_MovingForward_videos|The MovingForward Videos]] show that Chris sometimes stores his glasses in his back pocket, though, so it's not entirely unlikely that he simply forgot they were there and [[Obesity|sat on them]].

<center>{{#ev:youtube|p9nkN1AHKD0}}</center>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:043-CWCsFavHitsIn.jpg|Early appearance
File:485-CWCsF.JPG|The Pedo-Glasses in oil pastels
File:Cwcregularglasses.JPG|Modern day appearance of the glasses
File:Cwctapedglasses.JPG|Taped glasses after suffering some [[Chris and anger|abuse]]
File:Cwcmagicglasses.JPG|Chris fashioned a new bridge from Crayola fuckin' Model Magic
File:TG15.jpg|in the [[tomgirl|Tomgirl Pictures]] Chris is seen with a new set of glasses.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Mannerisms}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]